Yay for skipping breakfast
/u/sunflower-girl- [5'6 // 116 // GW 105]
Created: Mon Apr 2 11:12:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/891idh/yay_for_skipping_breakfast/

[Other] Feels like a binge...
Created: Mon Apr 2 10:14:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/890ikf/feels_like_a_binge/
Buts it's more calories than I've had all week. 400 cal quesadilla.

TMI but even with laxatives I havnt had a bm (this auto corrected to BLAST) in a week so I figured I'd throw some food in the mix to see what happens. 1/4 cup of grilled, shredded chicken, half cup of shredded cheese, and half a flour tortilla with some hot sauce. Let's see what happens. 30 minutes later I already feel crazy gross full and hot and kinda dizzy. Resisting the urge to purge cause I know I need this in me.

[Help] Is my scale off or did I succeed?
/u/_what_the_truck [Height 5'4 | CW 119 | LW: 103 | GW: 110 | Gender F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 10:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/890ibj/is_my_scale_off_or_did_i_succeed/
I've been living in a new country for a little over 3 weeks. When I left the states I was about 127 lbs (possibly a couple pounds less).

I bought a scale and yesterday it said 117.8 lbs. I've had at least 3-4 days of ~2300-2500 calories (curse you marijuana!) and a handful of under 1200 days and maybe 2 24 hour fasts.

Is it even possible that I've lost about 8 lbs in 3 weeks?! That would be almost 3 lbs a week...I'm worried my scale is off which is the worst X(

[Discussion] What are some of the horrible things your family has said about your body?
/u/shadowmachines [Attempting Recovery 🌱]
Created: Mon Apr 2 09:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8909rn/what_are_some_of_the_horrible_things_your_family/
I started thinking about some of this shit and how much it has stuck with me all these years. I am trying to work through some depression by making some art using the critical phrases from my past that stand out to me, and would like to get some more from other people as well. I know a lot of us had a critical mom/dad/sibling from very early on. I'll share the art on here if it doesn't look like garbage. I hope everyone out there is having a halfway decent day.

Edit: I know I said about your body, but let's make it more open than that. Could be about your food, appearance, way you dress etc.

[Rant/Rave] List of things my family said
Created: Mon Apr 2 09:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8905f1/list_of_things_my_family_said/
"Your thighs are taking up the whole picture" -sister

"Wow, You're looking thick" -boyfriend,

"Glad to see you put some meat on your bones" -uncle after hugging me

"We are doing a 17 day diet, wanna do it with us?" -nieces

"Your butt is so squishy!" -nieces after poking me

D A N M you guys, I'm currently phasing out of recovery and last time they all saw me I was 114 pounds. So, naturally there is a noticible 20 pound bulk from it. I hate it. I HATE it. I cannot express properly how drained this family weekend has made me. I know if they knew I was disorsered they wouldn't say such things but oof. If anything it is some killer meanspo.

Relatable [x-post from r/AnimalCrossing]
Created: Mon Apr 2 09:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89021m/relatable_xpost_from_ranimalcrossing/

Data Breach at MyFitnessPal
Created: Mon Apr 2 09:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8901b2/data_breach_at_myfitnesspal/
Please change your password, if you use the service. You can find more info about the incident here:


/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|110.6lb|23F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 09:11:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/890155/well_fuck_me_sideways/

[Discussion] Experiences will caffeine pills vs. caffeinated beverages?
Created: Mon Apr 2 09:06:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zzf1/experiences_will_caffeine_pills_vs_caffeinated/
I’m 20/f 5’ 5” 114 lbs and vegan I usually drink iced red eyes (black cold brew with espresso and nothing else), occasionally I’ll get some kind of caffeinated tea at my local cafe, and then sometimes I shamefully drag myself to the bodega down the street and get the kiwi apple redbulls. I’ve found that red eyes have the strongest effect on me while red bulls only do if I drink them very fast and it doesn’t last long and caffeinated tea does nothing for me. I’ve never tried caffeine pills but I’m wondering what other ppls experiences are.

[Rant/Rave] Work is a haven of safe foods
Created: Mon Apr 2 08:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zwwx/work_is_a_haven_of_safe_foods/
Seeing my super organized desk at work neatly stacked with safe foods is so comforting.

On my shelf I have cherry coke zeros and 100 cal kettle corn bags in case I need an afternoon snack. In my drawer are oatmeal packets, tea bags, and a mug to make both.

In my lunchbox I have a 400 cal meal prep that I made myself this past weekend.

I also have my 50 cal almond milk coffee and a liter of unsweet iced tea, so I'm delightfully sipping on those.

I had a bad few weeks of binging in March, so here's to a better April.

Love to you all <3 Please comment with other safe foods you keep at work.

Change your MyFitnessPal Passwords
Created: Mon Apr 2 08:54:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zw74/change_your_myfitnesspal_passwords/

[Other] Feed all your disorders while still getting to eat B&J with this one weird trick!
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 58.5 | 19.55/19.32 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 08:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zpsl/feed_all_your_disorders_while_still_getting_to/
Spend the whole day cleaning with only minimal breaks for cigarettes, 3 beers, and 1 iced coffee then finish off with a pint of vegan Ben 'n' Jerry's for dinner, all for the low, low price of < 1500 calories. As a special deal for our readers, omit the beer for < 1200 calories.

Drunkorexic: check.

Binge-er: check.

Chain smoker: double check.

Is it bad that I'm ridiculously happy about today?

[Discussion] Maintenance
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 08:29:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zpmr/maintenance/
Post your stats and how many calories a day you average when you're maintaining!

I need me some sanity.

Created: Mon Apr 2 08:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zo1y/easter/

[Discussion] Holidays are hard
Created: Mon Apr 2 07:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zecu/holidays_are_hard/
So much pressure to go-along-to-get-along and that means I have to eat. I have to put on a good show of eating, for my family. Then I go home and worry about how many calories I just ate.

Now I’m feeling extra pressure to watch what I eat today.

[Discussion] How much sodium is too much?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:110 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 07:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88zcdv/how_much_sodium_is_too_much/
I have a sodium free version and a regular version of bouillon and the regular version only has like 100mg. It also has less carbs. I know people say that drinking broth a lot is bad because of the sodium but how much is too much?? I just checked the sodium content of garlic salt (my favorite seasoning) and it is 500mg for a quarter teaspoon. At what amount of sodium does the body start retaining the water weight like crazy?

[Rant/Rave] It's amazing what you can do when you are in a bad place!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57.1kg | BMI 18.86 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 25F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 07:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88z9k7/its_amazing_what_you_can_do_when_you_are_in_a_bad/
This weekend was really stressful for me. We had a staff party and I was in a horrible mood because I just wanted some alone time and after a week of work I just wanted to relax and unwind and de-people: unfortunately we were contracted to attend this party. So I sat there and sulked. My boyfriend was really sweet to me and I felt guilty for being miserable, and I watched him get on with another girl we work with and I felt *so shit* because I should be like that, not a horribly miserable human.

Anyway, I went home early, he offered to go home with me but we decided that it would be better for me to be alone and poor judgement got the better of me. I decided to send him an email of 100 things I appreciate about him which is one of the stupidest things I've ever done. Why did I do this? Apart from the fact that I'm a fucking moron, I did it because I felt that I had been awful all evening and I wanted to show him that I appreciate him. Why the fuck did I make such a grand gesture??? We have been going out for...three months almost. I look fucking psycho.

Anyway, safe to say he is not best pleased with me and spends about an hour over FB messenger about how I move things too fast and I have to wait for him. He's 100% in the right but I obviously slide slowly into another realm of self-hatred and depression.

I felt so shit last night that I told work I wouldn't be in today and I don't even regret it. I spent all night crying and hating myself, and lo and behold all I've managed to eat today is a meal of 350kcal, a bottle of coke zero and four cigarettes. It's 4:30pm here so I'm going to get another bottle of coke zero and have a bath. If I felt *this* shit about my relationship and myself all the time I would be at my GW in no time!

This whole weekend has been a binge fest so I think my body is telling me that we actually have too much food now and we should just quit for the rest of this week. Last time I felt this shit about a guy I reached my LW so let's see if this will spur it on again.

[Help] I’m planning on EC stacking but I don’t have access to caffeine pills
Created: Mon Apr 2 07:09:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88z5zi/im_planning_on_ec_stacking_but_i_dont_have_access/

[Goal] Not exercising in order to control indulging.
Created: Mon Apr 2 06:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88z2h4/not_exercising_in_order_to_control_indulging/

[Other] Best App for Weight/Food Tracking
Created: Mon Apr 2 06:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88z1mr/best_app_for_weightfood_tracking/
My Fitness Pal has always been the most popular and I used it for years but recently the app has become nothing but ads and paid features that were previously free.
Has anyone tried anything else ??

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 02, 2018
Created: Mon Apr 2 06:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88yuh1/weekly_stats_update_april_02_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for April 02, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 02, 2018
Created: Mon Apr 2 06:15:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88yug5/daily_food_diary_april_02_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for April 02, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] I hate vacation
Created: Mon Apr 2 06:02:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88yru4/i_hate_vacation/

[Rant/Rave] 3-year relationship crumbling...
Created: Mon Apr 2 05:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ygta/3year_relationship_crumbling/

[Rant/Rave] Never underestimate my addiction to Coke Zero...
/u/HappierHungry [♀ | 5'10½" | BMI: 17 | CW: 55.5kg | GW: 50kg |]
Created: Mon Apr 2 03:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88y5ct/never_underestimate_my_addiction_to_coke_zero/
AKA: How I'm dealing with the slow but inevitable phase out of Zero to replace it with No Sugar (which I do not like - *there is a difference, Georgia, stop lying to yourself*).

... I have enough to last me approximately a year...!

[Rant/Rave] Just got back from a trip and can't share with anyone else...
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW ugh | -76??lbs | 21F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 03:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88xzm1/just_got_back_from_a_trip_and_cant_share_with/
I just weighed myself after a week in Italy - which was essentially a giant binge week for me. Almost every meal was huge and obviously consisted of pizza, pasta, gelato, alcohol, bread, nutella, you name the fear food and I scarfed it down. I was debating on even stepping on the scale in fear of a freak out... and I lost a kg????? I am ecstatic and I don't even know how it's possible!!! (Although I did average 37,800 steps a day) I'm just terrified my scale is broken or I'm just dehydrated and actually gained 10lbs or that tomorrow I'll realize I misread a digit. Obviously the scale isn't indicative of how much fat I probably gained, but I hope since I was active I wasn't gaining fat/losing muscle and it's nice to know I definitely (hopefully) didn't gain 15lbs like I thought.

Besides this blessing, I realized how often people eat in a day, and although I "know" most have breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack maybe and that is perfectly ok with them, seeing myself do that was shocking. I'm now excited to maybe buy some healthy food and up my calories a little(???) because maybe my body can handle it?

Trying to push out the "that was a fake number on the scale" thoughts.
Sorry for the meaningless post I just couldn't say this to a friend and had to share!

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else really f**king love salsa?
Created: Mon Apr 2 02:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88xqpd/does_anyone_else_really_fking_love_salsa/
I just ate an entire jar of salsa with no regrets.
I’ll dump it on everything; dry ramen, leaf salad mix, bread, chickpeas - basically whatever I can. It’s the best condiment I’ve ever had in my life. And if I’m bored? I just crank up the spice level. Idk if anyone has the same feelings tbh but it’s godly good.

How to get over the urge to binge?
Created: Mon Apr 2 01:58:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88xpx1/how_to_get_over_the_urge_to_binge/

[Rant/Rave] I went to my trigger restaurant and didn’t binge!!!
/u/isaezraa [161 | CW 50 | GW 48 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 00:42:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88xf28/i_went_to_my_trigger_restaurant_and_didnt_binge/
theres this really cool hipster Chinese place near me that has *the best* dumplings and hot chocolates and every time i go i eat everything in sight

well today we drove past it and my mum remembered how much I liked it and wanted to try it for herself, I had literally no room in my calories for this and was freaking the fuck out, but then I remembered that this place was fucking *renowned* for their teas, so mum got her dumplings and I got my tea and you guys, I DIDNT BINGE!!!! I’m so proud of myself, I didn’t think I had the self control clearly I do!! I’m a little less worried about binging at school camp now :)

[Rant/Rave] So conflicted
/u/papsandwiles [5"4 | 115 | 19.7 | 20F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 00:14:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88xavh/so_conflicted/
My flair is outdated. I thought I was 114 pounds because I was using my parents' old as fuck scale, but I used a digital scale and I am shocked.
I'm 104 pounds.
My UGW was 108 pounds, stupidly 1 pound over an "Underweight" classification for someone of my height. As if as long as I'm not *officially* underweight, I don't have a problem.

I reached my UGW. Great. So I tried to be normal. I told my sister I have an ED and want help. I tried to go out with my family and eat like a normal person but I just ended up binging (of course) and now I feel like death. I can't be normal. I can't eat with everyone else. I'm always cranky as fuck because I'm so stressed from worrying about not eating and slowly dying or eating and gaining weight and going back to being depressed as fuck.

I don't want help anymore. I just want to shrink and shrink until I dissapear. This rant is incoherent but I feel so disoriented and confused and just had to vent.

I’m so fucking sick of this eating disorder
Created: Sun Apr 1 23:22:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88x2dm/im_so_fucking_sick_of_this_eating_disorder/
I️ physically can no longer purge, I️ can’t lose weight, I️ starve myself and my heartbeat is fucked up, when I’m not eating I️ feel disoriented, confused, uncoordinated, I️ feel like passing out and like I️ might involuntarily throw up often and I’m so sick of feeling this way. I️ keep doing things in desperate attempts to lose weight but every time I️ do I️ gain I️t back. Eat one day, gain 5 pounds, takes me days to lose it again and again and again and again. I️ want to hurt myself and sometimes I️ want to die to stop this. It’s so fucking stupid but I’m obsessed with being at the lowest weight I️ can be (which isn’t even fucking low at all). I️ hate feeling sick all the time.

have always wanted 2 b skinny/small but my freaking build always makes me look so chunky and I feel gross, then binging happens when I’m super sad and I hate purging bc I can never get it all out// need a buddy I am determined to get down to gw 115. 19yo female cw 149 5’5 please help
Created: Sun Apr 1 23:08:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88x01l/have_always_wanted_2_b_skinnysmall_but_my/

[Discussion] Abzurdah
Created: Sun Apr 1 22:42:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wvau/abzurdah/
Have any of you guys seen the argentinian movie Abzurdah about a girl's descent into hell and struggling with EDs ? What impressions did it make on you ? Could you relate to it ? Overall I liked it and (maybe weirdly) it made me want to restrict more.
PS the movie is on Netflix

[Other] Has anyone else quit laxatives?
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:114 |GW:100 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 22:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wp9f/has_anyone_else_quit_laxatives/
I have just recently quit laxatives with the help of my therapist and my doctor. I feel a lot better physically but I’ve been so fucking bloated that I’m almost tempted to buy my precious dulcolax again.
I’ve been off hard laxatives for 5 days now and went from 114-115 to 117-118. My doctor has me taking miralax and probiotics.
I know I’m probably just retaining water and I have managed to poop on my own again which was actually pretty exciting, but I’m going crazy seeing this number on the scale!!!
Has anyone else managed to quit laxatives? Did you also get bloated? How long did it take to get back to normal??
I wanted to be 112-113 by my birthday on the 11th but I’m so fucking worried that I’ll be bloated and gross!!

[Discussion] What BMI did you lose your period?
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:55:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wm8s/what_bmi_did_you_lose_your_period/

[Help] I've finally done it guys
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wlke/ive_finally_done_it_guys/
So o have OSFED and I feel like my ED works in cycles. I restrict, I binge, I binge and purge, I purge, and then o restrict again. This happens over several months, each stage lasting a couple weeks or a month. Right now I am just purging.

Well, over the past few days I've been getting chest pain, muscle spasms, fatigue, and had a consistent headache. I know these are symptoms of an electrolyte imbalance. I had to sit on my stairs for an hour two nights ago with a Gatorade because I couldn't make it all the way up without my vision going in and out like I was going to pass out.

The thing is, this hasn't happened in almost a year. I thought I had this under control. I thought I was doing well. I'm just at the point where I want this to kill me so I can be done. I've had this goddamn disorder for 12 years. 12 fucking years. It won't go away, I've tried a million different things. I was pushed into eating disorder therapy by one of my older therapists a couple months ago. We started trauma work because that is what caused it. I'm not getting better. Nothing is going to make this better.

[Rant/Rave] my leggings are loose!!!!
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wl62/my_leggings_are_loose/

[Goal] NUTRIENTS/no binge April-- any takers?
/u/nyny2017 [5'7" | CW 127.6 | BMI 20ish | GW 114.5 🖤 | 🍑 tidylithe]
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:46:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wkkt/nutrientsno_binge_april_any_takers/
March was a depressive bingey sinkhole. weightloss totally stalled out, and I was sick like half the month. I am going to try to do a very structured 1000-1400 depending on exercise, for THE WHOLE MONTH DAMNIT, focusing on mostly fruit and veg intake, with some fish etc., so I can stop feeling like garbage. No stupid expensive weird diet foods. Any one want to join on this? IDK how to do like a "challenge" that gets any momentum but I am so tired of careening between stupid bronkaid/powerade fasts and days of mainlining $30 of seamless. HELP, SUPPORT, SOLIDARITY??

edit: OK ppl I have created a discord (I think? IDK how to use this shit) pm me for the link

[Help] egg fast?
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88we9t/egg_fast/

[Rant/Rave] 7 day restrict... worse binge so far!!! I want to die
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wd8f/7_day_restrict_worse_binge_so_far_i_want_to_die/
So for the past 7 days I’d managed to restrict under 500 calories per day. Been stuck on plateau, want to fast but can’t due to flatmates. Anyways, everyone was gone today, and what do I do? Binge. Fml.

Started with cottage cheese and mushrooms. Fejoias. Chocolate ice cream. Hot cross buns. More hot cross buns. Peanuts. Almonds. Raisens.

Purge. Couldn’t get out nuts and never can get out bread.
As if that wasn’t enough... I then decided to go to the shop.
2x magnum ice creams. Cornetto ice cream. Bounty bar. Kit Kat. A meat pie.
Come home. Purge. Think I got a lot of it out. I hope.

Then cheese and crackers. Grapes. Cottage cheese

Then some soup and grapes to try and settle my stomach. Now I’m in bed. Hating myself. All that work all week for nothing. Wish I was better at purging def did not get out half of what I ate.
Just really hating myself because I’m at my lowest weight 58.3kg /128 lbs and have been stuck here for weeks. Feel huge, fat, unworthy, depressed, and of course just want to eat to make these feelings go away.
Thanks for listening

[Discussion] Is it better to gradually lower your calories rather than lower them immediately? Any advice?
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:07:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wcr1/is_it_better_to_gradually_lower_your_calories/
Hey everyone—

Long story short, I’ve relapsed after hitting my starting weight again (140lbs). My current goal is 115lbs, which is roughly 25lbs to lose. I want to lose it in two months before the start of summer.

Two weeks ago, I attempted to instantly lower my calories to roughly 650-850 cals a day and regretted it immensely. I go to college every day and constantly noticed myself spacing out and feeling constantly exhausted. So, it made me wonder, should I lower them gradually instead of instantly?

I was thinking of doing...:

> week one: 1000-900 calories

> week two: 900-800 calories

> week three: 800-700 calories

> week four: 700-600 calories

> week five: 600-500 calories

> water/powerade fasting every other day + 600 calories

What do you think? Whats your personal experience with lowering them instantly versus gradually? Do any specific diets make you fuller than others; (i.e. keto)?

So for those of y’all with pets...
Created: Sun Apr 1 21:02:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88wbpj/so_for_those_of_yall_with_pets/
Does anyone else feel bad about wasting food in front of their dogs? Like my dog (as most are) is obsessed with food and I feel so guilty chewing and spitting pizza in front of him 🙈🤷🏼‍♀️😬 anyone else feel the same way?

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I woke up fat
/u/K_iwi [5'3" | 129 | 23.4 | GW 120 |F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 20:17:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88w1um/i_feel_like_i_woke_up_fat/
caution: im high as hell and extremely freaked out

today i felt like a loser because i ate a lot and i decided to get high to try and chill out to try and forget about it. only this time i looked in the mirror and jesus fucking christ. ive been in an extreme binge cycle and have gained 10 lbs in a year.

“Jesus christ” i think and yes, its been a year. I feel like it was yesterday that this binge started, and that i would stop at the end of the week. The end of the month. The end of the year. Ive wasted a whole year of time trying to stop binging. I don’t remember anything of the past year!! All i remember is ‘today’ being the ‘last day’ of my binge. But then today I look in the mirror and I feel fucking hideous. Im so flabby, and ive just destroyed my body by eating so much disgusting food. And my body keeps convincing myself “its okay, this is the last time.” How long will i go with every time being the ‘last time?!?!’ Ive already spent a year. It wasnt worth it. It was never worth it. I don’t remember the binges- what i ate or how it tasted. What i do remember is how my collar bones used to feel. My ribs, my hip bones. How my boyfriend worried so much about my weight loss. How much he wanted to fuck me regardless (how can he fuck me now, when im so disgusting??). How small and light i felt.

Im sickening now. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t eat, i fucking refuse to eat. And im not listening to that fat bitch that keeps saying “today is the last binge”. That last binge already fucking happened. Theres not going to be another ‘last binge.’ Theres not gonna be another day of food. No more complaining. No more. I need my life back, when i used to get shit done. Not this sack of shit that puts everything off.

I just fucking can’t anymore.

[Rant/Rave] So I finally weighed myself today...
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | CW: 66.1kg / GW: 50kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 19:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88vsq1/so_i_finally_weighed_myself_today/
After a 4 month long binge cycle, I've gained 10kg. fml. and I have one month to lose it all.

[Discussion] things that are hard to remember, for me at least (feel free to add yours)
/u/nextlvlrattata [5'6 | dont have a scale| CGW 110| UGW 95]
Created: Sun Apr 1 19:24:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88vq5q/things_that_are_hard_to_remember_for_me_at_least/
* 800 calories is considered a miniscule amount (as well as 1000, 1200, 1500 too tbh)

* 24 hours is a long time to fast

* you should really only lose 1-2 pound a week

* you will NOT gain from a binge, most likely. you would have to have 3,000 calories or more. if you weigh yourself the next day and the scale goes up, it is likely waste or water.

* you don't always have to lie to get out of eating. sometimes all it takes is "no, thank you."

[Rant/Rave] Not diet soda. WTF
Created: Sun Apr 1 18:58:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88vk75/not_diet_soda_wtf/
I know most of you live on Diet Coke. I hate Diet Coke. However I love diet root beer. I pretty much get A&W or store brand every time, but for some reason Barq’s was on sale. I bough some...
got home, drank a can.
It was horrible.
I was at work the next day telling a coworker how Barq’s tastes different than like every diet root beer out there.. he said I was crazy and Barq’s was the best. HA.
Anyway next day I get home, take the 12pk out to throw it away and realize it was NOT DIET!

It was full sugar.
No wonder it was so disgusting.
I was both horrified I drank full calorie soda, and freaking out about going back and editing my calorie log, praying this wouldn’t put me over for that day.
Yet somehow I also was very pleased that I could recognize the taste difference and without knowing - concluded it was nasty!

A least when it comes to soda, I’ve trained my brain to reject sugar! That’s kinda great right!

I'm not proud but I need to say it
Created: Sun Apr 1 18:43:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88vgvz/im_not_proud_but_i_need_to_say_it/
My dad's girlfriend made homemade pineapple cake for Easter and I didn't want to make her feel bad so I took a piece. I immediately went to the other room, wrapped it in paper towel and threw it in the trash can. I then walked back in and raved to her about how delicious it tasted

[Other] Conversation with my twin brother... he sort of has a point!
Created: Sun Apr 1 18:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88va1v/conversation_with_my_twin_brother_he_sort_of_has/

[Rant/Rave] "Just try a little piece. C'mon, you can have a little piece. Just eat it. Don't be rude."
Created: Sun Apr 1 18:07:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88v8ny/just_try_a_little_piece_cmon_you_can_have_a/
Title is why I hate every single family gathering featuring too much fucking food. I don't know what's in it, I don't care to ask, and I don't fucking want it. But by all means guilt me into eating shit that I don't want so you can keep up appearances.

Fuck the holidays.

[Other] I made a charcuterie board
Created: Sun Apr 1 17:44:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88v35t/i_made_a_charcuterie_board/
It was beautiful. Colorful. Nibbly and organized. I added roasted red peppers and cucumbers and pears to make myself feel better. I took pictures. I didn’t count any cals and I ate that shit up

but now I’m in bed lying on my side and I can feel my belly hanging off me

[Help] TW: domestic violence, not well enough to leave
Created: Sun Apr 1 17:27:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88uzbm/tw_domestic_violence_not_well_enough_to_leave/
So I've been struggling with my weight and anorexia and ocd for more than a decade. I have been married a little over seven years, my husband became physically abusive about half way through. It's getting worse, my bones and frame can't take it anymore, and worse, our kids are starting to get old enough to notice and be affected. I have to leave. I have to make them safe. I have to keep my kids safe. I work three serving shifts a week, but it's hit or miss, I made $6 Saturday. I usually make about $50 per shift, but physically, this level of work is all I can take. I require medication and monitoring at this point. Our rent is very late, as are all of our bills, so everything I make goes to our immediate needs, like feeding my kids and making sure I have a phone with minutes. I don't even know how to make leaving a reality. I'm scared. But realistically, I don't know how to leave and make it stick.

[Discussion] Heading to Disney world. Any safe restaurant/meal suggestions?
/u/User820125 [65” CW: Fuck GW: over and done.]
Created: Sun Apr 1 17:10:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88uv6i/heading_to_disney_world_any_safe_restaurantmeal/
My husband wants to eat out almost every meal. We’ve sort of planned but I’m freaking out here. Can I customize? Any tips? What about Epcot? We’re spending two days there (we like to drink).


Well, I'm back...
/u/themclavicles [173cm | CW 127 | GW 118 | 18.8 | 23F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 16:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88uset/well_im_back/

[Rant/Rave] Grandma and her fucking Easter dinner
Created: Sun Apr 1 16:30:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ulpm/grandma_and_her_fucking_easter_dinner/
I've been going strong on my weight loss for a week now, trying to have a nice even day at 1000 calories, (it's a lot, I know, but I'm just starting) but the grandparents invited my sister and I over for Easter dinner and I went fucking bezerk. I had an entire slab of roast beef, a large helping of mashed potato shit, and garlic bread. On top of that, little "snacks" before dinner and a can of ginger ale. Oh don't mention the lemon cake.

I hate going over to my grandmas, I don't know why I can't control myself. I just finished purging upstairs so I'm feeling less mad at myself now.

[Discussion] Mfp?
Created: Sun Apr 1 16:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ull9/mfp/
So I’m new to myfitnesspal and I was wondering if anyone still uses it? (I’m late, I know). If so, anyone would like to be friend on there?

[Discussion] DAE only restrict when alone and eats 'normally' around others?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 16:16:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ui39/dae_only_restrict_when_alone_and_eats_normally/
Idk why but I have to eat 'normally'/allow myself to binge when I'm around other people, I can't restrict.

When I'm alone, I only eat safe foods and calorie count, restrict and am obsessive.
But whenever I'm not at home alone or when I'm with other people, I can't say no and end up accepting or ordering food that I usually wouldn't allow myself to eat, and a lot of the time allow myself to binge.

Half of me can't face being 'not normal' around others - in general I'm always worried about what other people think of me anyway and I'm scared people judge me. And the other half of me loves that it is as an excuse to let myself eat, eat, eat and enjoy food. 

Makes me feel like such a fake and a failure.

[Discussion] Finally ready to open up about my relationship with food and accept the help I need from people that care about me
Created: Sun Apr 1 15:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88uc78/finally_ready_to_open_up_about_my_relationship/
Check the date

[Other] not enough.
/u/illendmylife [cw: go away | f]
Created: Sun Apr 1 15:28:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88u649/not_enough/
not like this hasn't been posted to death. i hate everyone, i want to be dead. i want my life to be over. i want somebody to care. i'm not light enough, i haven't harmed myself enough. going to the hospital isnt enough. i'm going to voluntary inpatient and i am going there in as bad a condition as i can. i'll slice up all my limbs the night before so they'll take me seriously. i hate everyone. i hate myself. i hate my weight. i hate food. i hate not being sick enough. i want it to end. i do not want to get better i want my issues to be validated. why am i so useless.

[Help] overwhelmed by “healthy” things. is this weird?
Created: Sun Apr 1 15:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88u5oo/overwhelmed_by_healthy_things_is_this_weird/
lil edit: also sorry if this is jumbled & senseless i’m so out of it rn lmao

so i have a couple of pretty bad mental illnesses including my ED. a friend of mine is also very mentally ill. they are suddenly making a lot of progress and i KNOW deep down i’m happy for them but it’s also like... overwhelming me to hear about all of these solutions and changes they’re making and these discoveries about healing all at once. idk i guess on top of that, i also know that along with all of their own personal discoveries, they also have some sort of urge to help me out or give me a little advice or hope to get better. which i love about them. but it also makes me anxious because i’m not fully ready to do a complete overhaul of all of my issues. i guess it’s overwhelming because it’s all so sudden and when they contact me about their progress it’s like 10 different (positive) changes at a time lol

idk. i hope this doesn’t come off as bad or something. i’ve been making my own small steps and then there have been times where i made progress and they didn’t seem to want to or they seemed kind of distant about it. which is fine. & agh idk i’m taking my meds and i’ll eventually try to tackle all my actual self-hate/trauma/deep-rooted issues but rn i just wanna starve myself and not think about it ig. idk. that’s where my brain is at. also (& this is like the main thing i feel bad for feeling lol) they now started working out and my first reaction was like 😒 lmfaooooo and like not even a super competitive feeling as if i want to be skinnier or something it was just like stop that’s my thing!!

guys what the fuck is wrong with me? lmao

[Rant/Rave] Fuck Easter
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:102.8|BMI:17.6|F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 15:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88u00a/fuck_easter/

[Rant/Rave] I wish sweet suprises were actually sweet
Created: Sun Apr 1 14:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88twsf/i_wish_sweet_suprises_were_actually_sweet/
So today I ate a 500 calorie lunch (Already about 200 calories more than I'm used to eating in one sitting already so my stomach is not happy) because the only other thing I planned on eating today was a small snack but my girlfriend asked me what my favorite food is meaning she's probably suprising me with it and it's AT LEAST 350 putting me way higher than I planned. This happened with my family two months ago with my birthday when they suprised me with cake at work and I felt too awkward to say no. I tried to purge but it's been too long and I won't be able to turn it down but I don't want to disappoint her I hate this I want to be impulsive again

[Rant/Rave] people are the worst
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 125 | ugw: 98 | 17F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Sun Apr 1 14:21:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88tpa3/people_are_the_worst/
how does me having an ed invalidate my knowledge and invalidate *real fucking facts?* i can’t fucking stand when i point something out about diet or nutrition or veganism and someone goes into my post history and attacks me for having an ed. fuck you. my eating disorder doesn’t take away from my knowledge and you shouldn’t use it to justify ignoring facts. i fucking hate people like this.

[Help] EC stack “detox” effects
Created: Sun Apr 1 14:05:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88tlcv/ec_stack_detox_effects/
Okay quick question! I’m in the middle of a binge cycle and I’ve heard on here that EC stacks are a good way to break it as they suppress appetite. I want to start using them a few days a week.

My question is: what happens when you stop using them? does it affect your appetite permanently?

I ask because I was in Vivanse / adderall for a while in my teens and early 20s, and while it was AWESOME as an appetite suppressant, the second I stopped taking it my appetite would be absolutely uncontrollable for several days before it was “normal” again. To this day I have never felt stronger binge cravings than the day after I stopped taking those pills. I would be able to low restrict for a while and lose 5 lbs in a week but as soon as I stopped taking them I’d binge and gain MORE. I’d love to try EC stacks but not if that’s going to happen again.

If anyone has any info or anecdotal experience that would be awesome, thanks :)

Edit: also, I’ve been browsing about EC stacks and some people take caffeine pills and aspirin with their Bronkaid... any thoughts / difference? Can I just drink 2 cups of coffee (normal) or do I have to take a caffeine pill? Thanks :)

[Rant/Rave] It happened again.
Created: Sun Apr 1 13:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88tcsi/it_happened_again/

[Rant/Rave] Binging on "healthy" food
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 12:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88t4az/binging_on_healthy_food/
I usually plan out my meals at least a few days in advance and it's always things like oatmeal for breakfast, chocolate peanut butter banana ice cream for lunch and a tuna asparagus noodle bowl for dinner yet somehow, under the excuse of "I'm intermittently fasting!" I eat all of that before noon.

Then I start looking up how many calories I'd burn if I did x exercise for y amount of time and consume that many more calories of health food like an entire box of mangoes or something.

Meanwhile, I'm not stopping myself because I'm technically eating healthy and the only kind of food that I'll stop eating at a certain point is junk food that's full of refined sugar and oil. Otherwise, my stomach is a bottomless pit.

Like today, I ate that above meal plan all before 12.30 then I had two slices of bread with tea and for some reason made more oatmeal "for later", waited fifteen minutes and ate that as well. Now I'll need to walk for four hours to not be above my TDEE and it's driving me crazy knowing I definitely didn't even really want all that but I needed the taste of something in my mouth.

It's half boredom anyway, I was laid off this weekend when I thought I'd be working so I've been lying in bed, experiencing the wonders of funemployment and Reddit for hours on end. I don't have any friends or my boyfriend in this city, it's Toronto so all the parks are far away plus it's still cold because I don't produce any body heat so it's not like there's anything to do but casually binge and then force myself to walk it off.

Ugh... And I'll be home two weeks from now where it'll be super hard to avoid oil because my mum's going to get suspicious when I start entirely cooking for myself but I refuse to start yoyoing with my weight again.

Thank you for reading thus far. <3 I needed to get that all out before I spend the next four hours pounding concrete for my vegan sins.

[Rant/Rave] Don't know how I'm going to survive the next two weeks
/u/supersecretobsession [178cm | CW: 58ish | BMI: 17.84(new)/18.31(old) | GW: ??? | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 12:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88sxge/dont_know_how_im_going_to_survive_the_next_two/
So, I currently basically live with my boyfriend and his family. He knows about my ED and his brother knows that I am counting calories and so far that's all been good. His father does comment sometimes on how I "don't eat much" according to him, but I just ignore that.

However, tomorrow my boyfriend's sister (let's call her S) is coming home for holidays for two weeks. She is around my age, slightly younger, and when we first met I was much bigger than her (around 15kg difference, if not more). Last time we met, which was around Christmas, I weighed a bit more than her (but had a lower bmi, as I'm taller).

Anyway, so S has said a couple of semi-triggering (I hate this word) things to me, that I am unsure if she knew could hurt me. But at one point she loudly proclaimed "Oh, I weigh less than you!" next to my boyfriend. Another time, when we were eating and I'd split my burger, she said that there's no way that I was full after only eating half of it, her reasoning being that she wasn't full. As if I MUST have a bigger appetite than her...

I just don't know how I am going to cope the next few weeks. I haven't weighed myself in a couple of days, have been binging/high restricting, whereas she's probably lost weight since we last saw each other as I know that she has been to see the doctor who told her that she was routinely undereating by 3 days.

Sorry for the long rant, I just needed to put this out there. I'm just scared that eating without hating myself is going to be even harder in her presence, especially as it's unlikely that I'll be able to weigh my food while she's in the house. Any help/advice would be really appreciated, I'm panicking a little.

[Rant/Rave] Easter candy troubles
Created: Sun Apr 1 12:21:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88su8u/easter_candy_troubles/
Hey everyone :(((((((

first time poster here.

I just gave in and ate a ton of candy and feel both physically and emotionally sick..

I’d love some kind words and motivation to pick myself back up. I know how sweet everyone here is, it’s my fav sub.

Thanks in advance. Have a lovely day everyone! you’re all beautiful people <3

[Discussion] EC stack with or without Aspirin?
/u/couldntfindquiet [5'4 | too much | 21/NB]
Created: Sun Apr 1 12:18:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88stib/ec_stack_with_or_without_aspirin/
I know it's suggested to EC stack with aspirin but I also see a lot of people not taking it. Are there any reasons to not take the aspirin?

Im at my aunts house and she has this bread thats only 10 calories a slice and its delicious!!!
/u/dortuh [5'8" | 112.9lb | BMI 17.2 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 11:24:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88sf4f/im_at_my_aunts_house_and_she_has_this_bread_thats/
I can't tell what the brand name is cause it's in a foreign language but the nutrition facts are in English
Here's a picture:

And if you haven't figured it out my now,
April Fool's.

[Rant/Rave] Going to ikea
/u/WaitingForHealing [5'5.5" | 271 | 237 | 115 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 11:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88scuc/going_to_ikea/
I’m going to ikea with a coworker and tbh not my favourite one. I try to be nice to her but sometimes she is too much.

Anyways, I decided to go with her and of course she wants to meet at the food court or whatever. Wtf. You’d think we’d at least do that at the end? Because... you know it’s at the end. I don’t want to sit and chat. I don’t mind walking and chatting while looking at furniture but I don’t want to sit and chat and I don’t want to eat.

I try to not be an ass to her but if we sit and chat I might get annoyed and my expressions always show on my face.

I’ll just get a diet drink and keep it light on the calories.

At least my problem isn’t Easter dinner like everyone else’s ? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[Discussion] March 27th - April 1st, 2018 Questions of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 11:02:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88s9cd/march_27th_april_1st_2018_questions_of_the_day/
Welp everyone, I’m back. My man was in town on leave after being in Syria for 6 months so I was a little distracted. I’ve missed so many days, so have your pick 😩

27th: When was the last time you felt like you were on top of the world?

28th: What do you want to remember about today? (It was Wednesday)

29th: Write down a few lines from a song or poem that you identify with today. (Thursday)

30th: Pick a color for today. (Friday)

31st: What inventions can you not live without?

1st: Who are you fooling?

[Other] Realized my new anxiety med had suppressed my appetite...
Created: Sun Apr 1 10:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88s23q/realized_my_new_anxiety_med_had_suppressed_my/

[Help] What to do with Easter candy?
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Sun Apr 1 10:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88rvwh/what_to_do_with_easter_candy/
My mom, in her attempt at being caring (and I do appreciate the sentiment) loaded me up with a basket OVERFLOWING with candy. All my favorite candies. Ugh.
So my question is WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT ALL? I hate wasting it as some of it’s a little expensive and can’t just toss it out. Any advice?
Happy Easter/April Fool’s Day!

[Other] i finally reached my goal weight!! and I'm satisfied, I don't need to lose more!
/u/bellexy [5'8 | tubbalub | GW 118 | 🍑 mint_royale]
Created: Sun Apr 1 08:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88r5o1/i_finally_reached_my_goal_weight_and_im_satisfied/
april fools I'm still fat and miserable 🙃

[Other] Sweetened Condensed Milk
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 08:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88r0sl/sweetened_condensed_milk/
Just licked some Sweetened Condensed Milk 2 years past its expiration date.
It had turned into a toffee caramel brown and the consistency was so thick and rich, I had to try it. It was so good. I immediately threw the rest away, (poured all of it in the sink) and a few minutes later, i felt myself getting sick.

So I threw up 2 days in a row. I'm just upset because now I can't be sure of how many calories are in my system right now.

Edit : I guess flair this as (Other) ? Not sure though

[Rant/Rave] Just a rant I guess?
Created: Sun Apr 1 08:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88qzof/just_a_rant_i_guess/
I got given a hoodie today and its a size too big and a mens so it’s totally unflattering. Ive binged today and I look and feel like an actual fucking big fat ass blob and I hate myself. Ive gained 10kg this year and I want to die lol

Bulimics who can induce vomit without their hands or tools
Created: Sun Apr 1 07:18:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88qq1f/bulimics_who_can_induce_vomit_without_their_hands/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 01, 2018
Created: Sun Apr 1 06:13:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88qdvr/daily_food_diary_april_01_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for April 01, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Apr 1 06:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88qdhc/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Rant/Rave] Crying over Easter eggs
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:102.8|BMI:17.6|F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 06:08:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88qcxi/crying_over_easter_eggs/

[Rant/Rave] Mother suspects and is now taking me to a doctor ... I am so not ready for recovery.
Created: Sun Apr 1 04:23:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88pww2/mother_suspects_and_is_now_taking_me_to_a_doctor/

[Rant/Rave] Just was diagnosed as Coeliac
Created: Sun Apr 1 03:35:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88pq87/just_was_diagnosed_as_coeliac/
So after battling ‘eczema’ for years without any sign of it diminishing, I saw a new doctor who suggested I get tested for Dermatitis Herpetiformis which is a dermalogical response to coeliac disease- the results came back positive.

I’m not sure how to feel about this. A part of me is gutted because I was doing well in my recovery and this limits my means of bettering myself (CW 125lbs) but another part of me is beyond ecstatic that I have a perfect excuse to eat barely any carbs and avoid meals.

I’m so conflicted

[Rant/Rave] I haven't been able to wear pants for a month
Created: Sun Apr 1 01:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88p8u2/i_havent_been_able_to_wear_pants_for_a_month/
My dysmorphia is strongest with my thighs. I'm absolutely disgusted with them. I can't bring myself to wear pants at all because I'm convinced they won't fit. Fortunately, I have dozens of dresses to wear.

Also, not ED related, but I was sexually assaulted a few days back and I haven't told anyone because nobody gives a shit. I feel like not eating is the only thing keeping me from breaking down.

ps, am new here. sorry if I missed anything.

[Rant/Rave] I feel soooo terrible.
/u/dyingtobepretty [5ft|94lbs|GW: 85lbs|F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 01:21:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88p705/i_feel_soooo_terrible/
I’m a server. I had the opportunity to work open to close Friday and Saturday, which means A LOT of money, so I took it.

I had a really bad “down” day on Friday and was not doing well at all, tearing up at tables and messing up orders. A lot of the other servers use adderall to get through long shifts and they all seem to love it, so when my coworker offered me a 20mg in this dire time of need, I happily accepted.

It was amazing for a while. I kicked ASS serving that night. I felt amazing in all aspects, but as soon as I got home and sat down, I got really hot and started puking. Well, dry heaving on an empty stomach. I had eaten a protein bar that morning before the shift, and drank 2 energy coffee drinks throughout the day, but that was it. I didn’t even drink any water until we closed, and this was the first time I tried adderall, so it’s no wonder it made me sick.

That passed pretty quickly and I just felt odd, but that was not the worst part. I was so wired I didn’t sleep. At all. And then worked a 14 hour shift the next day.

Obviously, that morning started out even worse than Friday. So I asked for another Adderall even though I knew it’d make me feel like shit later. I REALLY wasn’t going to make it through the shift on just caffeine, and I’m not in the financial position to give up a shift as good as this one. This time, I broke it in half and took them a couple hours a part.

This time wasn’t near as great. I still got the energy and concentration, but I felt so terrible all around. Apparently adderall (maybe in combo with the stress and lack of sleep) makes me clench my jaw really hard. I didn’t notice until late today, but all my teeth ache so bad, and the inside of my mouth is cut and peeling and just a wreck from, like, sucking on my own mouth, if that makes any sense. My entire mouth and throat are so sore, BUT I KEEP CATCHING MYSELF DOING IT.

My brain really stopped working. By the end of my shift, I literally couldn’t form sentences. My coworkers and customers were laughing at how bad I was talking. I still can’t form sentences out loud, and I keep completing forgetting what I was talking about in the middle of my sentence.

Ugh I just feel so fucking weird. I feel like I’m dying. It’s now been like 35 hours since I’ve slept, 27 of those hours were spent sprinting around the restaurant. And I’m still too wired to sleep. The only thing I’ve eaten since the protein bar was a few bites of a salad, 2 adderall, and a lottttt of coffee. My ex boyfriend (its complicated) took one look at me and handed me a water bottle and left to get taco bell. I know I really need to eat, but honestly, the best part of this whole thing has been that I never thought about food. Ive been thinking about using it more regularly, because it really makes all my mental problems go away, and it’d really help me get to my goal body. I’m sure it’d be better if I actually took a little care of myself.

I’m off tomorrow and the day after. I really can’t wait to sleepppppppppppppp

[Discussion] the dark side of EDs
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Sun Apr 1 01:21:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88p6xe/the_dark_side_of_eds/
TW: vomiting, blood
ugh so i woke up at 2am today as my boyfriend cane home from work (he has a night shift). i was tired but not too bothered about it. i ate 400 calories yesterday after a few days of fasting. after i got up to open the door for him i started to get extremely dizzy and disoriented, it was like being on acid or something. he was in the kitchen so he didnt see me but i fell over and smashed my head off the table. i woke up a few minutes later and i was lying in a pool of my own bile and blood, because i'd vomited as i fell but my stomach was empty.
he made me eat a cereal bar because i couldn't stop vomiting bile, and it stopped me feeling sick but now i want all the extra calories out of me and i feel rotten.
shit sucks.

[Discussion] Does anyone here use nutritional yeast?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 1 00:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ovjc/does_anyone_here_use_nutritional_yeast/
I noticed that I have some in my cupboard that I’ve never used and is only 5 cals a serving so give me your recipes and recommendations please!

[Rant/Rave] Just purged for the first time in 6 years..
Created: Sat Mar 31 22:59:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88oil2/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_6_years/
I forgot how pathetic it feels. Saliva-drenched hand, face-first hunched over a device everyone puts their ass on, going to town in your throat with your preferred finger, the burning of bile, feeling like your stomach will actually explode this time. And the worst part, wanting to binge all over again when you're done.

[Help] Low-cal ‘treats’?
Created: Sat Mar 31 22:38:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88oeib/lowcal_treats/
Not looking to binge, just maybe a light dessert or something satisfying that’s not super high in calories. I’ve been
drinking (vodka and diet soda, mind you),so that plays a part in my question. Besides that, I’ve been doing pretty well with restricting and haven’t eaten any dairy (lacto-ovo vegetarian, but tend toward cooking vegan meals for dinner when I get off at a reasonable time). This is when I feel my healthiest- I’d like to think I get a good amount of fiber from my vegan home-cooked meals. 👌❤️😋

I did take some Bronkaid, so my usual propensity toward a crazy binge is at least slightly dulled. I’ve also been drinking copious amounts of diet soda to quell the hunger/ urge to binge -

Coke Zero and diet Canada Dry ginger ale. Caffeine is liiife!!!

[Rant/Rave] "You don't look Anorexic"
Created: Sat Mar 31 22:35:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88oe0i/you_dont_look_anorexic/
On mobile so I can't flare this so please flare it as rant, thanks

So i've been struggling trying to not relapse (been recovered for a couple of months after 3ish years of flipping between ana and mia), but at this point I feel like im fully relapsed cause i've been throwing out a lot of food, eating under 700, running a couple of km a day, and religiously following my old routines. Lately i've been trying to talk to family/friends about it trying to get some help or just let some steam off on someone, but I always get the same two responses from everyone, they either ask me "why don't you just eat more it's so easy" or they say "you don't look Anorexic", both of these make me feel like some cringy kid talking about ana like it's a diet or something that I chose. As stupid as it sounds I feel like everything in me wants to show them how sick I can get, how stick thin I can look, like maybe then a doctor wont tell me "oh you're just bulimic" or "your weight's not low enough". Idk im not overweight or obese, im a low enough weight ( 6'1 and 150) and with a low bf% so I look kinda gross shirtless, but even if I was i'd still like for someone to sit me down and not talk down to me like im not some 4 year old trying to shed a couple of pounds before the summer. If someone could play devils advocate and tell me why they think like this or give some advice it would be nice.

Just a small late night rant from yaboi, ShittiestTwigAround

[Other] writing this paper has me feeling personally attacked rn
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw: fucking huge / gw-101]
Created: Sat Mar 31 22:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88odn8/writing_this_paper_has_me_feeling_personally/

[Other] I thought of a great April Fool's Day prank!!
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 22:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88occm/i_thought_of_a_great_april_fools_day_prank/
Now, forgive me if this is seriously insensitive, and I know to some of you it might be, and I apologize in advance to you. I don't want to make light at all of what you're going through because I know it's hell.

That said, tonight I was preparing my husband's Easter basket. I bought like 20 pounds of British chocolates and sweets, and we live in the States so there's nowhere to get good British candies, made with the same ingredients in the UK, and he never gets the opportunity to eat his favorite treats. So I had to order a huge box like a month in advance. I got all his favorite ones, and I had to wait til he was in bed to arrange his basket. He knows I bought him a ton of British sweets, but he hasn't seen them yet. As I was unwrapping the Cadbury eggs and the Jelly Babies and the Smarties etc etc, to put them inside the little plastic Easter eggs, I was collecting a TON of empty wrappers and I thought...

Since Easter falls on April Fool's Day... and he knows I was left alone all night with 20 pounds of chocolate... I could save these wrappers and when he comes by in the morning, he could see a PILE of wrappers, and he'd think I binged on 20 POUNDS OF CHOCOLATE!!

New here and I wish I wasn't so weak.
Created: Sat Mar 31 22:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88oabj/new_here_and_i_wish_i_wasnt_so_weak/

[Rant/Rave] Fuck.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 21:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88o4aa/fuck/
A couple days ago, I made a post celebrating my sharp and unexpected drop to 101.0 and I was so happy, and you all celebrated with me. I really thought I was so close. I was up to 104.8 today. Additionally, I've had a little over 1000 calories today, more than I usually have, and tomorrow's Easter and there's going to be Brunch and a half a ton of chocolate and candy, and drinking...

I'm horrified and I'm scared I'm going to gain more. I don't know how this happened.

[Goal] Today I brushed with death (Not really)
Created: Sat Mar 31 21:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88o33x/today_i_brushed_with_death_not_really/

[Other] Where does fat go when you lose it? (thought you guys would find this interesting!)
Created: Sat Mar 31 20:51:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88nswx/where_does_fat_go_when_you_lose_it_thought_you/

[Help] How do you break a binge cycle?
Created: Sat Mar 31 20:30:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88nopg/how_do_you_break_a_binge_cycle/
So I️ can’t purge anymore, my gag reflex is gone. I️ really don’t want to gain weight... when I️ was in treatment and couldn’t purge but couldn’t stop binging I️ gained so much weight. I️ need to stop binging but I️ don’t know how. When I’m on a restricting streak I️ don’t feel urges to binge much but it’s hard to get there.

[Discussion] What’s something you did today that you view as positive?
/u/I-Slap-Cat-Butts [5’9.25” | -11.6 | lw 110 | gw 99 | 23f]
Created: Sat Mar 31 20:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88nogr/whats_something_you_did_today_that_you_view_as/
today I stopped after 2 Reese’s eggs! normally I’d black out and just swallow the entire bag, wrappers and all.

it doesn’t have to be huge, just anything that you view as positive ✨💕

[Discussion] My ED totally feeds my desire to organize my life
/u/Lillie1990 [5’4 | CW 131.6 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 20:12:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88nl8x/my_ed_totally_feeds_my_desire_to_organize_my_life/
You know when it’s like 2 am and you decide to do your taxes because you’re feeling super productive? That productive motivational feeling is how I feel like, 99% of the time I’m doing anything related to my ED. I can’t even describe how good it feels to log every calorie I eat, every drink I drink, every mile I run, my weight, everything! It’s such a numbers game for me it’s insane! I’m obsessed with logging everything I do in every app. I smoked a shit ton of weed and binged for the past two nights that I’ve been alone at home and decided to avoid the scale until the end of my current fast so I won’t want to die and it’s like killing me not to see the number. Nurturing my ED gives me the super fulfilled feeling i get when I make a payment on something except 10x as good. I feel like I’m being responsible! Then I eat and all hell breaks loose

[Discussion] What food or foods are the hardest for you to not binge on?
Created: Sat Mar 31 19:52:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88nh2h/what_food_or_foods_are_the_hardest_for_you_to_not/
Mine is spaghetti. My dad made some and I measured it out trying to be healthy butttt the pot is calling my name to not fill up my plate with 5 pounds of it

[Help] I need help
Created: Sat Mar 31 19:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ndo3/i_need_help/
My dad just bought two bags of Doritos and I'm supposed to be on a fast because I ate a lot yesterday. I don't want to gain anymore weight since I have to see my psychiatrist in 3 weeks and she makes me weigh myself. I'm hungry but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm gonna binge.

[Help] A runner who stopped running
Created: Sat Mar 31 19:14:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88n99p/a_runner_who_stopped_running/

[Rant/Rave] I am so messed up: An Easter story
Created: Sat Mar 31 18:57:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88n5gr/i_am_so_messed_up_an_easter_story/
Since schedules are all hectic for Easter, my family decided to just have a low key get together. Instead of cooking a huge amount of food, we had a local restaurant cater.

I really, really love the biscuits this restaurant makes and would gladly eat a plate full of only their biscuits. I got super excited when I realized we got an ungodly amount of biscuits for our family dinner. My dream of gorging myself with biscuits was now possible.

Problem is...I've been fasting and, even if I did allow myself to break fast, I've been fasting for so long that I would have made myself seriously ill from binging on biscuits. So you know what I did? I stole a bunch of biscuits off the table and shoved them into my purse. When I got home, I hid them in my freezer. Amongst other things hidden in there are cookies, chocolate, pizza, pasta, and other foods I like but won't let myself eat. I'm just hoarding food.

I guess I just have a serious case of FOMO when it comes to food. I won't let myself eat but I'll become terrified that the food will be gone or go bad when I do want to eat it. I also get really possessive over the food and become afraid that someone else will eat it. So I calm my fears by storing away food so that no one else can get to it and so that, when I feel ready to eat again, it'll be there waiting for me.

It's such a ridiculous thing for me to do. especially since I've never actually touched the food hidden in the freezer. Some of its been in there forever. I never fully realized how weird of a behavior this was until I was trying to figure out how I could secretly shove a crap ton of biscuits into my bag without anyone calling me out. I kept getting angry and casting judgement at everyone else who loaded their plates with those delicious biscuits. I was terrified that everyone else was gonna eat them all before I could secretly stash some away. 🙃

[Other] Pre-Thanksgiving fast started a bit late... had a bad eating day today :/
/u/shharkie [ 5’1.5’’ | 94.6 | 18.29 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 18:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88n4e0/prethanksgiving_fast_started_a_bit_late_had_a_bad/

[Help] I'm relapsing because I met someone new and I want them to like me
Created: Sat Mar 31 18:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88n3od/im_relapsing_because_i_met_someone_new_and_i_want/

[Other] weird specific thinspo?
Created: Sat Mar 31 18:47:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88n3db/weird_specific_thinspo/
Today I looked up some of the girls my boyfriend follows on instagram and since most of them are underweight, I took screenshots and use them as thinspo, because I know that even though he keeps telling me I'm skinny enough, that's secretly his type.
Is that fucked up/too personal and weird?
It just seems like nothing else really gets to me anymore.

[Discussion] Does anyone else not count calories?
Created: Sat Mar 31 18:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88n1yh/does_anyone_else_not_count_calories/
I'm a lazy fuck, and I have been since childhood. No amount of obsession with my weight can overpower my will to avoid checking in with anyone or anything multiple times a day, every day.

I don't weigh myself too much either, because I find when I over obsess, I end up eating more.

I get weighed every couple months at the doctor, since I get my psych meds from my primary care doc, and I know I'm steadily losing but to be honest... I judge my body based off of how my collarbones/sternum look when I take nudes for my long distance guy lol. I'm really short (4'11) and numbers fuck with my head because 3 or 4lbs on this body (small from a height perspective) is a LOT visually.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this but I guess I'm wondering if there's anyone else like this? In an ED community it makes sense that most people track everything relentlessly, so I've always felt kind of alone in this regard. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[Rant/Rave] So sick and tired
Created: Sat Mar 31 17:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mn41/so_sick_and_tired/
(I am on mobile and don't know how to add flair yet. I'm sorry- stats are 5'4" and 114 lbs )

I am so tired of being fat. I am tired of being the way I am and always struggling with this. I was forced into recovery about two years ago and I've been gaining ever sense. I just want to die sometimes it's so miserable. I need the motivation to relapse and lose weight again but I feel like I just binge all the damn time.

[Discussion] (Discussion) I feel a binge coming on... help
Created: Sat Mar 31 17:27:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mlhi/discussion_i_feel_a_binge_coming_on_help/
I've already had just over 1100 calories with Easter dinner. Like I'm good. But I feel it. That need to eat everything til you feel like you're going to die. The desire to eat every leftover and salty thing in my house.... I want to look at thinspo and not do it but I also want to go down that rabbit hole and indulge and self loath. Please send help 😣😂😭

Created: Sat Mar 31 16:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88meey/sorry_how_many_now/

[Rant/Rave] Re discovered stacking
Created: Sat Mar 31 16:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mdx6/re_discovered_stacking/
I ate a small salad from a local Mediterranean style salad/rice bowl chain
Took two bronkaid and had a zero sugar monster and a cup of coffee with stevia.

This is the best I’ve felt in months. And I can’t tell anyone. 😐

That is all

Created: Sat Mar 31 16:50:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mdas/my_local_big_lots_has_international_la_croix/
I’m so excited! I got peach pear, which is so fucking good, and kiwi watermelon, which I haven’t tried yet. I haven’t seen these flavors anywhere else, so I bought a ridiculous amount. But they were $5 for 18 cans, so I feel like that’s worth it for suuuure.

The sales girl was equally as excited as I was about all the different flavors, even though no one else seemed to care.

[Rant/Rave] I think I have to tell somebody
Created: Sat Mar 31 16:48:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mcvs/i_think_i_have_to_tell_somebody/

[Rant/Rave] Sales girl called me skinny.
/u/HopefulWasabi [5'3 | f-a-t | GW: 105 | UGW: 100 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 16:43:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mbm8/sales_girl_called_me_skinny/
I was at the department store today returning a pair of jeans for a smaller size, and the girl at the counter was trying to find another pair to exchange. She's petite and super skinny (00 for sure), and we got to talking about finding the best deals on clothes/handbags... then she says, "Us skinny girls have problems buying [different cuts of jeans other than skinny]."

Honestly, that made my whole day/week. I 'relapsed' (aka tried to be normal and gained so much weight) and spent the last month and half trying to lose weight. It was such a difficult process but to be acknowledged by a stranger (and placed in the same group as her!) made me feel so, so good.

Now I have motivation to fast the whole day :')

[Help] I'm having a panic attack, I think
Created: Sat Mar 31 16:40:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88mb19/im_having_a_panic_attack_i_think/
I'm sorry this isn't strictly ED related, but my anxiety comes from my ED, it's really flaring up right now and this is such a supportive community. I am drowning in anxiety I can hardly breathe, I desperately need to go back to my psychologist but I can't without seeing the doctor first and going to the gp makes me so anxious I put it off for so long. Plus the last time I saw that doctor she told me my issues would be solved if I "count calories and exercise" so I'm not keen to go back.
I feel so nauseous but the nausea doesn't go away when I throw up it gets so much worse and makes my anxiety so much worse. I thought I was doing so well with recovery and managing my anxiety but right now I feel like it was all a lie and I am struggling. Guys I am struggling so hard. I feel like I just keep planting poisonous berry bushes, then eating the berries from them and then wondering why I feel so sick afterwards. I'm doing this to myself but I don't know how to stop.
I think I just needed to write this all down and get it out of my head. Thank you for reading if you did. You're all beautiful

[Discussion] I purposely eat foods that won't keep me full for long.
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 15:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88m0fr/i_purposely_eat_foods_that_wont_keep_me_full_for/
It seems sort of contrary to what most others on here do, but I was curious as to if anyone else does this.

I'm restricting to about 200 kcal per day, but little I eat I try to make as unfilling as possible. I do this so on days where I fast (trying for every other day), I don't feel as insanely hungry as I would if I were eating foods that actually filled me up.

[Rant/Rave] Crying, need to vent and I have no where else safe
Created: Sat Mar 31 15:34:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88lvcl/crying_need_to_vent_and_i_have_no_where_else_safe/
i need to vent post anonymously to someone because im stressed and feeling bad and im really unhappy in my current situation. it's not super ed related but i feel worse because of it
im 17, turning 18 in 2 months, in december i got withdrawn from high school and transferred to my state's virtual school to finish my high school diploma. i had only 1 semester left but i also failed my fall semester as i didnt go to school for a month before officially transferring out. i went on medications for my anxiety and depression (which i had to get over the fear of weight gain from and do it for my own good), booked therapy and psychiatry appointments, and i was in a school environment that i preferred more then physical school, totally should have been able to finish high school
i dont know where to start with this because there is a long history of things that have occurred, but in short, my family, and especially my mother, are emotionally abusive towards me. she makes me feel like im the bad guy and shes the victim and if i call her out she gets angry and defensive and shows she "isnt abusive" by being abusive :^)
falling back to last august, i had finally been able to escape them by moving in with my s/o and his family, but then his parents moved to a smaller house and there was no room for me, and i have no one else to fall to as all my family who isnt my parents and sister live in canada. so i moved back to my house with my parents earlier this month
in the last month, i have relapsed my ed much harder, im gaining weight which feels so bad but i just keep binge eating from the stressful environment, i dropped all of my virtual classes and im going to get my GED, and i've stopped taking my meds as im getting the paranoia again of even more weight gain on top of my bad eating habits
my mum just came into my room and basically told me im a loser and that it's my fault my s/o has educational and emotional issues since i'm influencing him based on my decisions (he actually has family history and wasnt doing well in school before he even got to high school), she told me shes going into therapy and my psychiatrist appointment to tell them i havent been taking my meds and i know shes going to turn it so that shes somehow the victim, i was supposed to move in with my s/o's dad once he gets a new house but she told me that if i do i'm going to be 100% cut off financially from them which i cant do to his dad or last especially if i can start college this fall.
i started hiding my face as she was talking to me (i was already feeling extremely physically ill from binge eating immediately before she talked to me) and she yelled and clapped her hands in my face that i needed to look at her because she needs to be in control of me and im too weak and scared to fight back (and she knows that)
i was supposed to start an internship at her work because i could get easily hired since she already worked there but i dont want to anymore because i cant sit there trapped in the car for 30 minutes a day as she makes me feel like shit and anything i say to defend myself she easily twists it back to be me victimizing her
i need to get out of this house and im so emotionally distraught, i hate myself so much and i dont want her to be controlling me by the throat anymore but i cant do anything about it unless i 1.) get a ton of money instantly to be able to move out (not possible lol) or 2.) stand up for myself and make her understand how i feel without her twisting it on me and trying to put words in my mouth (not possible either, ive already tried)
thanks for reading if you read all of that, i just need to vent and i have no where else and i know it probably doesnt make sense bc im upset and not thinking super clearly

tldr; i have an abusive parent who makes me feel like a loser instead of supporting me to get past mental illnesses and i cant escape the household so i need to suffer and vent here just for now

[Discussion] My poor sweet summer child, so much to learn about the world
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS [5'6 |CW:156.8 | GW: 125 |F 18]
Created: Sat Mar 31 15:27:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ltg1/my_poor_sweet_summer_child_so_much_to_learn_about/

[Rant/Rave] Threw out all the food I’d binge on
Created: Sat Mar 31 15:18:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88lrc8/threw_out_all_the_food_id_binge_on/
My dad has always made comments on my weight and how I need to lose some pounds. Yesterday he did it again and something just broke inside of me. I’ve been secretly struggling with binging/purging for a few months and once I finally started feeling/getting better that happened and now i feel like I’ll fall back into the old cycle on binging and purging. Currently haven’t eaten anything today and I just threw out all the food I wanted to scarf down. Don’t really know what to do from here. A part of me wants to at least eat a sandwich or something before I go to work, but another part of me just fears eating anything at all. So far I’ve only been drinking Coke Zero and chewing on gum. I work at a place that sells a variety of food and employees get 50% off so maybe I’ll eat something there later on tonight but idk. Sorry for the rant, just thought I’d get this out somewhere.

[Intro] Introduction
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 15:05:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88lo99/introduction/
Hi guys! I've been on this sub for ages, but I just made a new account and I finally added my flair.
I suffer from a restrictive eating disorder with bouts of purging small meals.
I guess I've been really avtively restricting for about a year now. I lost over 50 kilos so far and definitely plan to lose much more.
Even though I still weigh a lot, I have a super bony frame and therefore look objectively thinner than I actually should be.

I've recently lost pretty much my favourite relative, my grandpa, due to old age and it's wrecked my relationship with food even further. Just purged this evening even though my overall total was 1000 cal for the day.

Why can't I just be normal?

[Rant/Rave] [rant] ‘You’re too ugly to have issues’
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: 155 | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 14:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88lmwt/rant_youre_too_ugly_to_have_issues/
A guy I’ve been kind of seeing texted me that last night. He had asked me why I had been acting so weird lately and I revealed my bipolar diagnosis.

I know the guy is a prick for saying that and I shouldn’t believe it but ouch, it still hurt bad. Mostly because I already believe that about myself and to have an outsider say it just seemed to confirm my fears.

I wish I could say a clapped back with some witty response but I didn’t even reply, just blocked his number. Been thinking about it since.

The only ‘positive’ is I’m now back to restricting hardcore.

[Rant/Rave] "How do you guys stay so skinny?"
/u/squamouspuppies [5'9" | M]
Created: Sat Mar 31 14:26:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88leo1/how_do_you_guys_stay_so_skinny/
Last night a woman at work said this to me as she was coming in, taking note of the box of cinnamon sticks on the counter. I took a cursory glance around - just me and my coworker - and I squeaked out, *"us?"* "Yes!" she said.

What a rush. It made my whole week.

EDIT: I apologize if this is considered a low effort post. It just made me really happy and I had to tell someone. What makes it funnier is that my coworker probably didn't even think twice about it, lol.

[Other] TW: Suicide
Created: Sat Mar 31 14:14:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88lbx1/tw_suicide/

[Other] Something my SO said to me.
/u/allkindsofnewyou [5'2 | 95 | BMI 17 | F 23]
Created: Sat Mar 31 13:54:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88l752/something_my_so_said_to_me/
He's using some of his vacation days next week and I said I was excited.

He said, "Me too baby, I just wish you could take a vacation day."

He was talking about counting my calories and my body image issues. This really resonated with me. So I think I'm gonna take a "vacation day" tomorrow - not log anything, and just take a break from the food obsession. I deserve it!

[Rant/Rave] Something my roommate’s kid said just made my day
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 121 | BMI: 23.6 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 13:27:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88l0tj/something_my_roommates_kid_said_just_made_my_day/
My roommate’s 8 year old daughter: “I bet Ghosts could fit in some of my clothes”

I about cried, y’all

(can’t update flair but 117 at 5’0” right now, definitely don’t feel small at all but that was amazing)

[Help] Ever since I lost 60 lbs my hair has been falling out.. a lot. What vitamins/supplements do you guys recommend? Any other ideas to make it stop?
Created: Sat Mar 31 13:26:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88l0kv/ever_since_i_lost_60_lbs_my_hair_has_been_falling/
I currently take: 500 mg vitamin C, One A Day VitaCraves for her(teen), and 400 mg Magnesium

Created: Sat Mar 31 13:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88kxv5/struggling/
I just got out of inpatient two days ago and i have a meal plan that says i have to have an entree, 2 sides, and a dessert for lunch and dinner. my parents are making sure i eat and im gonna have supervised meals at school. idk what to do. i went into the hospital at 137 and came out at 146. im 5'3. i have to have weekly weigh ins at the clinic so theyll know if i lose weight unless i sneak some weights into my pocket or chug water which ill probably do. idk im just freaking out rn.

[Rant/Rave] I've become obsessed with being disgustingly thin by August, when I'll attend school with people who last saw me at 150 pounds.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 12:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88kgyw/ive_become_obsessed_with_being_disgustingly_thin/
I guess I don't have a conscience anymore, because the only thing fueling me is the thought of my old friends being revolted by me. The irrational part of me thinks that being sick will strip me of my reservations and change my personality beyond recognition, like if I suffer enough I'll stop recoiling from life and magically become the charismatic, self-assured person I've always wanted to be. I know that nothing will change and I'll still be boring and emotionally stunted me, that the shock and the satisfaction it brings won't be worth four months of suffering, but reality doesn't fully register anymore.

[Help] Burst blood vessel
Created: Sat Mar 31 11:21:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88k4yf/burst_blood_vessel/
Just looking for other people's experiences. I have a tiny burst blood vessel in my eye from purging last night. If I purge again do I risk that spot getting worse? I know it's a risk to burst blood vessel's but if you burst one in your eye does that keep you from doing it again? I'm really struggling with food today and while I don't want to purge it's such a struggle.

[Rant/Rave] Motivation to stay on track
/u/abagofnudesloths [5'3 | CW 138.8 | GW1 120 | WL -41.2 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 10:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88jybp/motivation_to_stay_on_track/
Hey guys,

Just found out a couple days ago that my best friend/ex boyfriend is coming back to the US in August and I’m flying out to his state to visit him before he goes back overseas. I was fat when we dated, and he even saw me at my highest weight which was sometime after we broke up. I’m determined to be thin af by the time I see him!

I’ve got all the way until August and there’s no reason that I can’t reach by first GW of 120 by then. Even a “normal” person could lose ~18 pounds by then! All I have to do is stave off any sort of binge and keep going with these 500 or less kcal days. I occasionally have to eat with friends or family so my progress will be slowed slightly. I’m just so happy guys! I haven’t seen him since September so I really really want him to be surprised at how small I am. This is great motivation :)

Hope y’all are having good days too!

binged an entire Easter basket 🙃
/u/conspicere [🐍 5'3.5" | CW: 110 | GW: 💯 | 🍋]
Created: Sat Mar 31 09:41:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88jfxn/binged_an_entire_easter_basket/
Hi loves!

Haven't been too active here the past few weeks because of international travel and just generally being a fat piece of trash but I need help.

EVERY single Tuesday and Thursday this month I've gone to class, came home, and binged/purged uncontrollably. I can successfully restrict all other 5 days of the week but for some stupid reason there's something about my Tues/Thurs schedule that's bringing out the binge monster in me lately. I can't just skip class because attendance is part of my grade so I'm stuck on how to avoid this b/p pattern.

I live 700 miles away from my family at the moment and my mom is HUGE on Easter, so she sent me an Easter basket in the mail. :( I was able to successfully resist it on Wednesday but lo and behold, come Thursday, I cave and eat the ENTIRE thing. That's right, I ate an entire Easter basket's worth of chocolate in one sitting!!! 🙃 I desperately tried to purge it for 20 minutes but nothing would come out and now I feel like a big fat failure.

I was able to get down to 108 lbs before I went abroad for spring break, but now I'm back up to 112 and I'm so so mad at myself for ruining my progress.

If you've read this far, thank you! Hoping y'all's Easter is going better than mine so far haha 💕

[Rant/Rave] when my mirror speaks it always minces words
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Sat Mar 31 09:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88jf2z/when_my_mirror_speaks_it_always_minces_words/
on mobile flair as rant rave please

the dysmorphia continues. So does the dysphoria. I feel withdrawn. My clothes don't fit anymore and I should be happy but I am not.

I haven't weighed myself in three weeks or so. I don't remember even taking note. I can see my ribs but still feel squishy and soft. My legs look like bloated sausages but I have gone from a side 12/13 to a size 8/10. Every angle of picture highlights my bloated face and extra chins.

when I go out into the world I see people heavier, who seem happy. they have partners, jobs, careers, confidence and seem happy at least and I just feel numb. I hate my anatomy and I hate how my body looks. I don't even know if what I hate is real or not though or if the delusion is that strong.

If everyone ignores me maybe it's for a reason. I am quiet and reserved anymore because I don't even want to contribute to the weight of my existance. I want to be forgotten. People never noticed I was around so they can't necessarily miss me.

my mirror and my world could be some thing else but I am not sure what I see anymore or if it is real.


[Rant/Rave] My bf broke up with me
/u/fatchanceforthin-ice [5’6 | 113.6 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 09:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88jdxg/my_bf_broke_up_with_me/
It felt completely out of the blue. I never expected it or saw any warning signs. I have to move out.

Part of me is like “yay now I can get my own place and sit around and be depressed and lose a shit ton more weight”

But I sort of want to go sit alone at a restaurant and order filet and wine. Even though I’ve been vegetarian for about a year now.

Idk why I’m posting. I want someone to tell me to go eat steak.

Because even in the most non-food-related situations, it’s about food. It’s always about food.

[Rant/Rave] What could have been a good night was turned sour by this stupid fucking illness
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 58.5 | 19.55/19.32 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 09:27:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88jccc/what_could_have_been_a_good_night_was_turned_sour/
Long ass rant (with a small rave), feel free to ignore.

So I have a friend from DK visiting me in Berlin. We went out last night and I had planned a good outfit which I couldn't even wear because I lent her my clothes. And all I could think was that I would have looked better in it than her. Which is completely the wrong thing to think. But I couldn't stop comparing myself to her and everyone else. How did I measure up? This other girl with us was way skinnier than me but other than that I was thinner than the vast majority there. But I still couldn't stop critiquing every fucking flaw that I noticed in myself.

Anyways, I've been good lately and I don't want to break my streak. My friend wanted to grab some food so I ordered the small falafel box with salad (instead of fries). I specifically said salad three times, NOT fries and guess what I got. FUCKING FRIES! I fucking snapped at them when i got my food and immediately felt like shit for sounding like a massive bitch so they gave me a salad on the side. I picked the falafel out of the box and left the fries but more than half the hummus was on the fries instead of the falafel. I guess I should happy for the further reduction of calories but I fucking love hummus which is why I never buy it for myself.

Only had one drink that night (didn't dance enough to justify more) and ate just one fry, which I'm proud of but for fuck's sake I'm still fucking salty about it (pun intended). I hate that this small mistake tainted an otherwise good evening.

But silver lining! My long term FWB from DK will be visiting me in May! Just confirmed so I wanna see how low I can get before he gets here. I have a countdown on my phone and a stupid secret photo of him as a background which has been working wonderfully.

[Tip] my boyfriend is at work so i portioned my egg into 120kcal bits
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Sat Mar 31 08:40:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88j17e/my_boyfriend_is_at_work_so_i_portioned_my_egg/

[Help] Ok I need help getting through a massive fuckup I’m freaking out.
Created: Sat Mar 31 08:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88it1l/ok_i_need_help_getting_through_a_massive_fuckup/

[Rant/Rave] nothing really makes me happy anymore and the food is the only thing that makes me feel "high" or excited
Created: Sat Mar 31 07:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ir8m/nothing_really_makes_me_happy_anymore_and_the/
why is my brain programmed like this? whenever i talk to other people, they have a bigger world map of goals and desires in their mind than me, who only desires that piece of delicious creamy cake at the end of the day or a delicious, juicy burger which i can't have because i don't want to die fat and i just want that beautiful skinny waist and those beautiful skinny legs and arms and that beautiful structured face but how come i don't really feel excited about anything else life offers me but FOOD? i don't get it. my brain must be flawed. i feel like a zombie most of the time. if i let myself get fat, i want to die so i am basically never happy or content.

[Rant/Rave] i'm so fucking upset and pissed off please help
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Sat Mar 31 07:41:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88iomb/im_so_fucking_upset_and_pissed_off_please_help/
so i've recently got back into weight loss iv been eating healthy and making plan to exercise. the only exercise i like is swimming, i'm autistic and i just can't do other exercises because they frustrate me and i hate them.
my boyfriend knows ive been planning exercise all week. i bought myself a new costume and goggles and ive been planning my travel.
i'm staying at his this weekend. i got up early and all morning i got ready for the pool, i packed my bag and waited til it was time to go. i was leaving at the same time as him. he has work today so he was moody and being frustrated with me all morning because i didnt have much to talk about with him.
he wanted me to smoke a bowl with him but i said no because i'm swimming. he got really pissed and moody i wouldnt get high with him so i had a few draws and got high (im a lightweight)
when we got back in all he was doing was arguing that im being quiet and moody. i was high af and he was being a dick so obviously im not having nice conversation with him.
by the time we were leaving i felt like shit and i was couchlocked and didnt feel like doing anything. i got to the front door with him and just couldnt make myself go outside because it's freezing and the pool is an hour away.
so i stayed in instead. i tried to do fitness youtube videos but i fucking hated it and i couldn't do yoga because i'm high and sad. now i'm sitting in the living room in my pool/gym gear having an autistic meltdown. i fucking hate him for ruining my saturday. i feel like a useless flabby blob

[Rant/Rave] triggered by a girl i've never even seen
Created: Sat Mar 31 06:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88id2d/triggered_by_a_girl_ive_never_even_seen/
a few months ago my boyfriend was trying to say it was alright for me to weigh a bit more/gain weight by talking about this girl he knew in high school he had a crush on who was "super skinny, like 80 lbs" and he mentioned how it hurt when she sit in his lap because of how bony she was - even though he says the same thing about me.. halfway through talking about her it was like he forgot he was trying to make me feel better and just kept talking about how tiny she was.

then last night we were buying groceries and in the car he brought her up again for some reason. he talked about how skinny she was and how once she wore "just a sports bra and short shorts" and he laughed because it was dumb to wear when it was cold but admitted it was "really hot." he kept bringing up how she was 80 lbs, and didn't get why i got all quiet after, lmfao.. he knows i have an eating disorder, but i can't help but feel he thinks i'm fat when he does stuff like this.

i can't stop thinking about this girl. i never want to eat again. god, i want to cry. i can't even cry because he'll just think i'm jealous.. i am, i guess, but i just feel so disgusting and pathetic, just a fat piece of trash that is crying about being fat. i just want to fast for days and days.. i don't even know who this girl is, really. but just the idea of her hurts me.. i feel so stupid. she probably doesn't even know i exist.

[Rant/Rave] Hate how dishonest I've become with my parents since ED
/u/Violet_Cake_2 [5'3 | 113 | 19.8 |F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 06:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ic7p/hate_how_dishonest_ive_become_with_my_parents/
I'm currently in college and have suffered from anorexia, bulimia and BED throughout the years. While I'm able to eat healthy during week and lose weight due to a busy schedule, when I go home to my parents' place on the weekends, I binge. Every. Single. Time. No matter what I tell myself beforehand, no matter how well my week has been going. It's almost like there's something about their house that just worsens my ED. My brain associates it with binging, purging and starving since I spent my high school years in that house, doing that almost everyday at the worst of my disorder.
Ever since I moved out, like 2-3 years ago, my weight and ED have more or less stabilized and I'm currently around 110-113 at 5'3 and okay with that.
However, when I come home, I usually plan to spend the whole weekend there with my parents. But since the weekend usually starts with a binge, I always cut it short and make up some lame excuse about extra school work to leave the house earlier than planned and go back to my apartment where there's no binge foods and where I can lose all that weight that I just gained.
My parents support my education 100% (I'm currently quite busy in med school) and never question my excuses even when they're made up.
I feel like such a selfish ungrateful brat for cutting my family time short just because I want to avoid gaining weight. It's like, my family should matter more than my weight, right? They mean the world to me, I'd be nowhere in life without them.
But nope, ED brain got my priorities all messed up.

Sorry for this long rant, I hope you all enjoy a nice long weekend!

[Rant/Rave] I won! And I’m disgusted with myself.
/u/fatyoyo [32F | 5’2” | CW 152 lbs | GW 105 lbs |]
Created: Sat Mar 31 06:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88i9lf/i_won_and_im_disgusted_with_myself/
I was in a weight loss competition over Lent with a group of friends. The winner was decided by highest % of starting weight lost. I won, but it was really close and that made me feel like a failure. I’m happy everyone in the group had really good results, but I know I should have been able to do better. I severely restricted food for 6 weeks, but easily half or more of my calories during this time came from alcohol. Probably more. I lost 15 pounds, but I should have easily lost 20. And I’m still fat. And even if I had lost 20 I’d still be fat. Because I’m an alcoholic with no willpower. My body is fucking disgusting and I don’t even have the self control to change it. I just look at myself in the mirror and think “how the fuck did you let this happen?” It just seems hopeless and I don’t know whether to fast today because I’m a fatass or go on a ridiculous binge, because fuck it, I’m a fatass anyway.

[Other] Fitbit Community?
/u/PurplePensOnly [5'8 | CW 147 | -31 | UGW 120 | GW 140 | 22F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 06:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88i8zl/fitbit_community/
I know we have a discord and a Kik and a all sorts of social media, is there a large coalescence of people on Fitbit?

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 31, 2018
Created: Sat Mar 31 06:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88i8co/stupid_questions_saturday_march_31_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 31, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 31, 2018
Created: Sat Mar 31 06:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88i8ar/daily_food_diary_march_31_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 31, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Does anyone know roughly the calories for this meal?
Created: Sat Mar 31 04:37:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88humd/does_anyone_know_roughly_the_calories_for_this/
There's a dish I get from the Thai near me, it's the safest one I think. Basically it's steamed barramundi, a filet about the size of a man's fist, or a bit smaller, with a spicy sweet lime dressing/sauce on a bed of rocket with capsicum and lime and stuff on top, probably about a good tablespoon or so. The sauce is very thin, and it's very spicy but I can taste that there's a whack of probably palm sugar in it. Can someone eyeball the calories for me? I put it at about ~250 or so but someone more experienced maybe can help 💕💕

Eating whatever as long as it fits your cal budget?
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Sat Mar 31 04:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ht0u/eating_whatever_as_long_as_it_fits_your_cal_budget/

Is it still possible to relapse after a few years?
Created: Sat Mar 31 03:09:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88hiz5/is_it_still_possible_to_relapse_after_a_few_years/
I was in a phone call with a close friend who was eating dinner, but accidentally threw up a little after she said she felt like she ate too much. She then revealed that she used to have an eating disorder 3 years ago, but didn't specify what it was (I'm assuming it is bulimia as she claimed to induce self-vomiting).

While she says she has no desire or tendency to experience these episodes, it worries me that she may be going through a relapse. Should I suggest for her to see a doctor about this?

[Other] Stopped purging because I physically lost my gag reflex
/u/Auredious [5,9 | CW: 125 | BMI 18.5 | M]
Created: Sat Mar 31 02:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88hgoj/stopped_purging_because_i_physically_lost_my_gag/
I remember when I used to be able to throw up with one finger in my mouth.
I remember hurling so often that I only stopped when my throat bled.
I remember when it didn't take 5 minutes with my entire hand in my mouth to hurl.

I wish I found it easier to restrict than to binge/purge.

What’s your plan for Easter?
/u/defenestrationdisco [5'8 | CW 54kg | GW 50kg | BMI 17.9 | -3kg | 19F]
Created: Sat Mar 31 02:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88hglk/whats_your_plan_for_easter/
It’s tomorrow for me since I’m in NZ and it’s really fucking up my restriction. I’m going out for lunch with my friend and I can’t decide wether it’s better to go for a slice of cake which will end up being like 400-700 calories or some hollaindaise-smothered eggs Benedict monstrosity which I don’t even want to think about. Send help.

[Other] The egg definitely came before the chicken - appreciation post
Created: Sat Mar 31 02:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88hdks/the_egg_definitely_came_before_the_chicken/
I came to this page after I acknowledged I had an eating disorder. I always avoided them previously as I feared it would give me more ideas, more fuel to my fire, more validation for my current self hate. It is interesting to see so many people share thoughts, feelings, fears, goals. Instead of enabling my ED it makes me feel like I am not alone and strange for having these thoughts. Makes me feel like there is not something wrong with my head specifically.

A lot of us are striving for perfection and it sucks that something or someone made us believe that was possible, this is just an appreciation post for all those who show the human side.

We are all really diverse, in age, sex, profession, weight, disorder. Really helps cement the idea that ANYONE can be affected. It is not something about us specifically.

Okay rambles over, thanks for being an amazing community.

[Other] thought we could all relate on this.
Created: Sat Mar 31 00:20:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88gvxp/thought_we_could_all_relate_on_this/

[Rant/Rave] Ok, I'll say it. I know.... . . .. ... self awareness
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Sat Mar 31 00:06:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88gtpy/ok_ill_say_it_i_know_self_awareness/
Not too long ago I met a youngish girl that is extremely slender. I've bumped into her 4+ times in various circumstancs. She is friendly and nice, and I'm not judging her on that. But I do have an idea of what she's up to.

Every. time. I see her. She talks about food and is **SHOVING** high calorie food in her mouth. I've seen her casually consume food that she's obsessed with...... .... . at least the food I'm obsessed with. ... ......

My jealousy is showing and it doesn't look good on a woman my age. Frankly, I'm not sure how to deal. Ultimately, no matter my thoughts, the conclusion will always be that I'm pathetic. I'm pushing all of my insecurities on to her, and it's not fair.

It's not going to help her and it's certainly not going to help me. Sometimes I feel like I'm a third party observing everything from a distance.

It's weird that I'm using her to distract me. I mean, there is absolutely no way you consumer snickers, pizza, brownies 5 times a week without gaining weight.

[Other] I stopped purging literally seconds before my boyfriend got home
/u/FGWDQHQ [5'7" | 120.8lbs | 18.85 | -44lbs| F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 23:51:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88grf8/i_stopped_purging_literally_seconds_before_my/
I dunno if I'm just that lucky or just that good.

[Help] butter chicken calories?
Created: Fri Mar 30 21:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88g7bm/butter_chicken_calories/

Today I had to sniff my vomit in order to vomit
Created: Fri Mar 30 21:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fxc3/today_i_had_to_sniff_my_vomit_in_order_to_vomit/
So I️ just tried to purge for the third time today and it was really difficult. I think I️ have sustained some throat damage or something’s wrong and since that has happened it’s become super hard to puke. This was the first time I️ needed to shove my nose under the rim of the toilet and SNIFF while my fingers were down my throat in order to be able to puke. That worked so I️ grabbed a little cotton pad, dipped I️t in the vomit, held it to my nose and kept sniffing it while gagging myself to actually get myself to throw up.... It was scary.... id better not binge anymore just in case. This feels really sad and pathetic. I️t took so much fuckin effort to do that and even then, I️ wasn’t throwing up fast enough to get shit out of me. The vomit sinks back down and takes a lot of gags to get back up if you wait too long between each time vomit comes out.

EC stack and stimulant meds?
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.4 | 118.79 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Fri Mar 30 20:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fsyr/ec_stack_and_stimulant_meds/
Quick question: I’m on an ADHD stimulant medication for both ADHD and narcolepsy, would an EC stack be too much? I still have a daily caffeine intake (coffee & tea usually) and that doesn’t bother me. I don’t know if this is a dumb question or not...

[Other] Instagram recently-inpatient recovery accounts...
Created: Fri Mar 30 20:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fo95/instagram_recentlyinpatient_recovery_accounts/
The world of pro-ed/pro-recovery instagram is both amazing and depressing. I find myself drawn to my fake insta account 80% of the time because these people are real and tell their stories almost unfiltered. There are some accounts that are more like a reality TV show to me than anything else. But those accounts that have existed since 2014… I know them. I know their stories.

I’ve seen a lot of girls go inpatient and then completely… utterly relapse. Some come out of IP already set on relapsing. Others come out super pro-recovery and then relapse months later almost out of nowhere. A few (one I’m thinking of in particular) lasted more than a year. Then boom. Relapse. The only people who maintain a healthy weight are those who got into bodybuilding and eventually chilled out (shout out to those ladies).

Recently, someone I follow came out of a private ED program and has gained a bit of weight. Bless her heart, she is very honest on instagram but is fighting for recovery. I want it so badly for her. She’s in college with a family that backs her up. But honestly? I don’t think she will keep it up. I think that within the year, she will go silent, and then post a picture of her boney back again. That’s how it is.

Seeing this kind of validates my decision to not pursue full recovery. I keep my weight slightly underweight, I have a kick ass career and a graduate degree from the university that I dreamt about throughout my childhood, I have an amazing boyfriend, and doctors usually pin me as “small” but rarely pick up on anything. I never stick with a doctor who knows about my ED. This drives my mom crazy… but why go through the hell of recovery if it’s not going to work? I’m making peace with this part of me.

[Help] Dreading Easter
Created: Fri Mar 30 20:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fnsm/dreading_easter/
Ugh I have three young-ish children who are going to be getting a lot of chocolate in the next couple of days.

I must resist. Chocolate is my favourite thing in the world.

I have to find a way to survive this

[Rant/Rave] Hey Kiwis of proED you can now buy the new flavours of Diet Coke!
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52.3kg | BMI 19.1 | Weight Lost 20+kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 20:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fn1c/hey_kiwis_of_proed_you_can_now_buy_the_new/

I don't know what to do anymore
Created: Fri Mar 30 19:52:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fjh5/i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
DISCLAIMER: This might seem like the pettiest thing in the fucking world so you don't have to read this if you don't want to
So, I used to have a youtube channel that was based around ED's and such. It was basically this subreddit onto videos if that makes sense and then I login and see my channel has been suspended... The channel where I could express my feelings, make friends, the thing I've spent months and hours and have put aside things for to make the videos. It's all gone. One good thing going for me... ONE. and then is has to be taken away. Like I was socializing something I can never do on my own damn own and it just is gone. Like that. Why does everything good going in my life have to go? I'm honestly on the verge of tears right now and I feel as if I'm gonna have a breakdown and I would isolate myself from everybody and everything and just stay in my room unless forced to leave. This isn't helping me with my depression. I love losing everything I've worked for and loved. Nothing new so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'm ready to go in my room, skip my 10:00 protein shake, cry and watch netflix whilst drawing and in my bra and shorts. I just don't know I'e told my friends and they've said the same fake nice stuff like "oh im so sorry". I dedicate myself to them so much and I do everything for them and lift them up when they're down and I'm down as well and I can't receive the same thing? Can life give me a break for once, all I ask is for something to go right in my life. At this point I'm the only one who doesn't get any support in any of my friendships or relationships. But if I unfriend them then I won't have any friends... (btw all the people im talking about are online, the only way I can make friends) Anyways, whoever is reading this thank you for your time I appreciate it... Have a nice day.

[Goal] I'm insecure about my weight
Created: Fri Mar 30 19:41:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fheh/im_insecure_about_my_weight/
I'm a boy, and am 16 years old. I've always been skinny throughout my life, having never weighed more than 117 pounds, lbut it hasn't bothered me, seeing how I would be optimistic about this. However, ever since last year I've been consious about it. I've tried eating to gain more weight,but to no avail. I wanna at least weigh 120 pounds. Any advice on how?

[Other] I broke my binge cycle AND I got the job I applied for!!
/u/fuskinari [5'1" | CW 133.6 | GW 110 | UGW 95 | 21F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 19:40:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fhc5/i_broke_my_binge_cycle_and_i_got_the_job_i/
I don't usually post here, just lurk and occasionally comment, but I'm just so excited!!! I've kicked my binges in the butt and I just got the call today; I got the absolutely *amazing* job I've been interviewing for for a month now!! I just had to share it!! I feel like I'm *so* on the right tracks!!

[Other] Realized why people say I look different
Created: Fri Mar 30 19:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88fahu/realized_why_people_say_i_look_different/
I compared side by side pictures of me from high school because lately a ton of people are saying they didn’t recognize me/I look different. I’m a few years out so I thought it was maybe age but I when I’m at my thinnest I look the same and my weight now (10-12 pounds heavier) I look sooo different. I have a small frame and don’t carry extra weight well at all. Still, I didn’t think it was that noticeable :(
At any rate, I look so much cuter and happier when I’m really skinny, so this is extra motivation to lose weight once again.

[Discussion] Anyone else here with ARFID?
Created: Fri Mar 30 18:53:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88f7ju/anyone_else_here_with_arfid/
For anyone who doesn't know, that's "Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder." I know it's not as common as the other disorders talked about on here, but I'm curious.

[Rant/Rave] I can finally have pizza again! 630 calories for the whole thing! 😍
/u/allkindsofnewyou [5'2 | 95 | BMI 17 | F 23]
Created: Fri Mar 30 18:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88f6pb/i_can_finally_have_pizza_again_630_calories_for/

[Rant/Rave] I don't know if I sincerely don't want anyone to be attracted to me or if I'm convincing myself so I don't have to acknowledge that no one would want me anyway.
Created: Fri Mar 30 17:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88er07/i_dont_know_if_i_sincerely_dont_want_anyone_to_be/

[Discussion] DAE not really have a "real" reason?
Created: Fri Mar 30 17:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ep3s/dae_not_really_have_a_real_reason/

[Other] Friday night dinner / A.K.A. best dinner ever
/u/Bridget6th [5'8" | CW135 | 20.5 | UGW119 | 33F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 17:01:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ein8/friday_night_dinner_aka_best_dinner_ever/

[Other] not having periods is the only good thing that's come out of this disorder
/u/cisheterpatriarchy [5'6 | 146lbs | GW: 116lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 30 16:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88eco1/not_having_periods_is_the_only_good_thing_thats/
mines almost 3 weeks late and i'm sure it's not coming any time soon. like... no bloating?? no random irritability? no blood coming out of me? great

i thought that you only lose it when you restrict heavily for a while but i've been binging-fasting every day for the past month and a half = i keep gaining and losing weight so that's what caused it.

Unless my body decides to fuck everything up right now and give me my period weeks late at a time where i absolutely do NOT want it??

[Discussion] I f-ing hate grocery stores
Created: Fri Mar 30 16:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88e6y1/i_fing_hate_grocery_stores/
Had a breakdown in the cereal isle because two almost identical boxes of rice chex (same serving size and everything) had a 10 cal difference. I feel like i cant trust anything. Does anyone else have any good stories? I want to know if im alone with stuff like this

[Other] Being a mom
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 98 | 16.5| GW 94 | F 23]
Created: Fri Mar 30 16:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88e6gx/being_a_mom/
I have a wonderful 4 year old that i hope will never have to experience any of this in her life, i try my hardest and do the best i can to keep her happy and healthy and far away from my issues. But i digress, i still have my own problems. Have any of you mommies experienced getting to a very low weight, but having your lower stomach look bloated? Im not talking excess skin or fat, just always sticking out no matter what. I dont exercise so it might just be me. I was curious if maybe this is the answer to my previous question. Like my uterus making me look fat lol. God this question seems awful. Im sorry. Just curious.

[Goal] I’m not going to binge.
/u/isaezraa [5'3 | CW 110 | GW 110-100 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 16:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88e5ka/im_not_going_to_binge/
After 2 weeks of binging, I’ve finally been able to get my shit together and restrict for the past 3 days. The only thing keeping me going is that I get to maintain with 1400 in 2 kilos time, and I’m not going to throw all that away.

Tonight, I’m going to my grandparents place for dinner. They’re pretty healthy people, nothing cooked in oil and plenty of bland veggies and unseasoned meat (no offence, nana), so I’m not too worried about the actual food, it should probably only be around 300-600cals, which is way more than normal but I can still fit in under my TDEE easily. However, I *am* worried about this triggering a binge, they always have really good bread, and since its so close to easter there’s probably going to be chocolate. Of course I have this all or nothing mentality where eating just one piece could lead to a binge. But its not. I’m going to eat normally. Small portions, chewing slowly, drinking water, one singular piece of chocolate. I’m not going to keep eating when I get home. I can do this. I have to.

[Rant/Rave] I thought I was making decent progress until I went clothes shopping...
Created: Fri Mar 30 15:54:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88e2uf/i_thought_i_was_making_decent_progress_until_i/

Professional women of ProED, pls wtf do you wear to work???
/u/UnrecoverableFuss [5'4 | GW 115 | CW 150 | HW/LW 198/98 | 28F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 15:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88e169/professional_women_of_proed_pls_wtf_do_you_wear/
I've been living in grad school fantasy land in a place where everyone dresses like a hippie slob and now suddenly I've got an interview in the Northeast and I'm freaking out and I've literally never worn a "suit" in my life or anything fancier than business casual and my wedding dress...please help :(

Places you like to shop? Pieces you feel comfortable in?

(Me: Apple shaped, loose skin on lower stomach, usually wear things that show off my relatively not-so-fat legs but now that's off the table. Fucking hate pants because of my FUPA but am probably going to have to suck it up and get some anyway. I'm comfortable in dresses but all of the interview wear advice in my field only talks about pants and skirts so I'm guessing dresses are off the table?? [Nordstrom's workwear site is 90% stick-thin Asian models wearing oversized men's clothing](https://shop.nordstrom.com/c/womens-clothing-wear-to-work-shop) and I can't get away with that shit.)

tl;dr I'm almost 30 and I can't dress myself bc of body insecurity

[Discussion] Scared of my prescription..
/u/xxnevi [5'2 | CW: 143 | BMI: 27.1 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 15:45:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88e0jd/scared_of_my_prescription/
Because it's prednisone, a steroid, which causes salt retention (fml) and an increase in appetite.

Couple questions.

What happens if I *don't* take it with food?

Cause the doctor and the pharmacist both kinda stressed that I should take it with food. But I'm not great at following directions.

Has anybody else been on prednisone before? How did it affect your eating habits and weight?

Thanks in advance for any answers or support. Love you guys and girls. ❤

[Help] How do you deal with work id photos?
Created: Fri Mar 30 15:07:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88dqwg/how_do_you_deal_with_work_id_photos/

EC stack questions
Created: Fri Mar 30 14:55:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88dnu3/ec_stack_questions/
I've dealt with bulimia/BED since high school. Recently I've been trying intermittent fasting with pretty good success, but adding in EC (half a bronkaid pill and 100mg caffeine twice per day, but kinda experimenting with times atm) has really helped suppress my appetite. I started with only bronkaid, then added caffeine and that has helped so much with my focus! I also tend to get pretty constipated so this has really helped lol

I have a couple questions, hoping someone can answer!

1. I know it's also common to do an ECA stack, so I'm considering adding asprin. I read this is to be healthier, but I don't understand why and I'm not a science-y person, could anyone explain like I'm five? Also, if there a difference of effect with/without asprin?

2. I was anxious about a work presentation at work earlier and, despite being a generally anxious person, this time I was feeling REALLY anxious. I had just taken my second dosage for the day when the anxiety ramped up. Is this normal?

[Rant/Rave] this is my 30th rant today im soRry
Created: Fri Mar 30 14:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88dioj/this_is_my_30th_rant_today_im_sorry/
ok so i thought I was doin ok, but my mom's making cabbage,and she added meat to it, and now I'm afraid to eat it zhsksnsk. The cabbage is like soaking the meat I want to die. This doesn't even make sense I probably ate more calories for breakfast than what the meat adds???? I'm over here afraid to eat this cabbage that has meat in it, but I'll chug down like 520 milkshakes wtffffffffd. I actually hate this why dont i just not eat the meat why i gotta be like this lmao.
But fr why am I uncomfortable with the idea of eating this when I will eat like idk a pancake that probably has twice as many calories??? i dont understand my mind lol

Created: Fri Mar 30 14:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88dcyf/fuuuuuuuuuck/

[Rant/Rave] Stuck in traffic while I had to vomit...
Created: Fri Mar 30 13:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88d8y1/stuck_in_traffic_while_i_had_to_vomit/

[Discussion] One day a week of not counting cals??
Created: Fri Mar 30 13:58:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88d8ir/one_day_a_week_of_not_counting_cals/

[Rant/Rave] Why is it impossible to go out with friends and not binge
/u/InterchangeableMoon [Height 5'0" | CW 110 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 13:45:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88d52w/why_is_it_impossible_to_go_out_with_friends_and/
My depressing + eating disorder just make me want to isolate myself which makes both of them worse. I feel like I can’t go anywhere with my friends or boyfriend without fucking up my restriction. I just want to be alone and suffer and wither away but I get so fucking lonely and it always seems like a good idea to go out somewhere. Then I go there and suddenly I’ve binged like 5,000 calories and I just hate myself.

Every time I let myself go out and have fun, I always do the same thing. I always promise myself next time will be different and I’ll pick reasonable food or skip eating, only have one drink, etc. But it’s never true. It makes me just want to stay home and not talk to anyone.

I feel like a monster and I don’t deserve help. Even the people who know I have food issues/body image issues don’t know what to say to me anymore and I think I’ve ruined my relationships with them by even bringing it up. I am so isolated with this. Of course I still have friends, but like.... I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel about my body and how bad food makes me feel when I don’t follow my regimen.

It’s debilitating.

The worst part is that I know how to fix this. I know how to be happy if I let myself. But I’d rather be pretty and tiny than happy. If I delete Instagram and stop weighing myself every morning, then I’ll be a lot happier. But I’ll still have to look at myself in the mirror. I’ll still have to live in this stupid, shitty body.

Maybe everything that I thought would make me happy is just a band aid fix. Ignoring what I wish I was doesn’t actually make me happier.


Sorry for rambling. Have been having an anxiety attack all morning and idk how to keep this coherent.

Sabotaging my own recovery
/u/emoghost [Height 5'5" | CW 125 | GW 115]
Created: Fri Mar 30 13:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88d4fx/sabotaging_my_own_recovery/
This was supposed to be it. I finally committed myself to weighing myself once a week. Doing 30 min of cardio and 30 min of lifting a day. Eating 1700 cals and losing weight sustainably.

Day 1, today, I binge. I've been on a really great non binging streak of like 2 weeks. But it's like my ED thought because I'm not weighing myself I must not be capable of gaining weight?

Holy shit. I'm so tired of spending 2 hours on the treadmill. I recommitted myself to recovery because I want to be done with it. I want to be done constantly overexercising, constantly hungry, constantly overeating. I thought I was finally done with it all.

But once again my stomach hurts and I'm going to spend my afternoon looking like an idiot speedwalking on a full incline.

This is hell.

[Help] I want to get help but...
Created: Fri Mar 30 13:09:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88cvk9/i_want_to_get_help_but/
I wanna go to a doctor and tell them my problems with restricting and get help but I’m literally petrified by the thought of being hospitalized...I’m 5’ 5” 113lbs, what’s the standard procedure when you “get help”. Is it like instant hospitalization and IV drips and food and tubes and shit? I want to be able to go home and sleep in my bed, I just really cannot get help if I’m going to be held somewhere against my will.

[Rant/Rave] my food fell on the floor and i almost had a tantrum
Created: Fri Mar 30 12:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88cq9h/my_food_fell_on_the_floor_and_i_almost_had_a/

Good new
Created: Fri Mar 30 12:28:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ckb7/good_new/

[Help] binge
Created: Fri Mar 30 12:24:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88cjbm/binge/

[Rant/Rave] Generalized hospitalization
/u/Idunnoking [5’1 | CW87.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Fri Mar 30 11:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88c5vf/generalized_hospitalization/
Sooo I was trying that whole recovery thing & a recent meeting w my outpatient team went less then ideal, which led the nurse to send a referral to an inpatient service in ANOTHER PROVINCE. That of course made me panic so I essentially went “fuck it. I’ll fully commit to whatever meal plan the dietician provides”. So, 1800 calories in the time being. I was scared but almost excited to have “permission” to eat again? So that night I packed everything up as I was going on a school trip. The following day, with the help of my friend, I manage everything on my meal plan & was even going to face the anxieties of eating out on the way home. I felt good, it felt almost doable ? Then, of course, my dad phones n tells me the nurse re-evaluated my tests and decided I wasn’t medically stable and I had to be admitted immediately. Of course they won’t tell me how long I’ll be here & it isn’t even an actual program for EDs so I’m essentially just stuck in a bed w food shoved at me 6 times a day. I’m just so angry? I was eager to eat again, to enjoy things I’ve deprived myself of and now I’m stuck eating beige ass hospital food. I know that may seem ridiculous to complain about but I feel so gross, like they claim balanced meals and then feed me a slab of cheese and toast for breakfast and mini cupcakes as a snack?? And of course fruit juice and milk w meals 🙄 like it’s almost like “professional” help has made me want to relapse. I feel so discouraged but have no choice to comply or else I’ll be off even worse. Is it bad that I wanted to be the one in control of my weight restoration? It’s almost like I feel like this is a waste of that struggle, like Atleast if I was in the comfort of my home with food I like, it would make it bearable but here I just want to curl up and cry.

Edit: now that I’ve had my little rant, just want to clarify I am grateful I am receiving help, it’s just a little overwhelming right now, also I’m more then open to any suggestions for things to do. Kind of bored of mind haha

What to eat
Created: Fri Mar 30 11:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88c3qo/what_to_eat/

[Discussion] Donating Blood Plasma with ED
Created: Fri Mar 30 11:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88bw0z/donating_blood_plasma_with_ed/
I started donating blood plasma a few months ago as a way to make extra cash. It's proven to be pretty tricky with this fasting cycle. I've been rejected for low blood pressure once and last time I went in it went so much slower than normal. You have to clench and unclench your fist for like an hour and I got tired just from that. You also have to have the correct levels of protein and iron in your blood to donate. I honestly have no idea how I keep passing. I need to go in later today so I've been trying to prep. It's taken me almost 3 hours to eat a banana. That is not a joke. I wish it was. I'm also going to eat some edamame before I go and hope that does the trick. Sorry for the rant, it's just something that I've been stressing a bit about. I don't want to lose that source of income, and I don't want to gain weight trying to keep it.

[Other] guys, I ordered clothes from korean fashion stores and I actually fit in them!!!
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 158.2 | -36.8]
Created: Fri Mar 30 10:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88bn70/guys_i_ordered_clothes_from_korean_fashion_stores/
so I took a risk and purchased clothing from places like stylenanda, mixxmix, and chuu.. which are really popular among people who like asian streetwear, but they are based in korea, so all the sizes are considerably smaller compared to american sizes. also, most of the clothing only come in ONE size.

I've ordered korean fashion before and they looked terrible on me when I was heavier. I just looked so bad, like a damn sausage busting out of its casing.. so I've been avoiding all that amazing clothing for years. but they arrived today, I tried them all on, and they actually look decent/good on me. I did buy baggier clothing and cardigans just to be safe, but even a year ago, I wouldn't be able to fit into these things. I'm just so happy that I can finally fit into asian sizes and that I can embrace my cute, asian streetwear aesthetic now. I'm planning on purchasing more with my next paycheck. just had to share with someone, thanks

[Goal] guys, I ordered clothing from a popular korean fashion stores and I actually fit in them!
Created: Fri Mar 30 10:27:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88bm2w/guys_i_ordered_clothing_from_a_popular_korean/

[Discussion] For some reason I'm okay with not being super skinny if I'm following a realistic diet/exercise plan, but when I'm being super disordered my goal weight/size is way lower
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 157 | GW 123 | -30 lbs | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 10:17:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88bjo6/for_some_reason_im_okay_with_not_being_super/
Like, I'm fine being a size 6 or whatever if I'm working out and eating healthy every day and following a clean eating plan. But when I'm restricting, or bingeing and purging, I have to be tiny and anything bigger than that is unacceptable. IDK why my brain works like this.

[Help] Does it ever end?
/u/couldbefatter [5'2" | 109]
Created: Fri Mar 30 10:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88bj3v/does_it_ever_end/
After months of “recovery” (read normal eating with periods of binging) I’ve gained all the weight I lost and I want to lose it again, but the more I think about it the more hopeless and defeated I feel.

Is it even possible long term? My maintenance calories are 1200, so am I doomed to a life of hunger and binging and restricting cycles the rest of my fucking life?

I know now that once you’ve been fat, your body will always try to get you to gain it back, by sending hunger signals that inevitably cause you to cave (and if you have developed BED, then binge) until you’ve gained it back.

So where do we go from here? Is this even possible? Is being thin long term feasible for me? I’m just so hopeless and depressed at this point I need some hope to keep going.

[Discussion] waking up super early whole restricting?
/u/isaezraa [5'3 | CW 110 | GW 110-100 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 10:05:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88bg9e/waking_up_super_early_whole_restricting/
whenever i restrict (200-700cals) I wake up at around 5-6am the next morning, which is super useful and nice and i love it, but its 3am rn and i cant get back to sleep

why???¿? does anyone else wake up heaps early while restricting?

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone planning on binging on Easter?
Created: Fri Mar 30 09:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88b95o/is_anyone_planning_on_binging_on_easter/
I have such conflicting feelings about this- on one hand, I’m thinking of having one big meal with whatever I want, and fasting for the rest of the day on Easter. On the other, I’m scared it’ll mess up all my progress, since I had a small binge (at my maintenance level) about three days ago. I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want my family to get suspicious either. AGH.

[Help] SOS I'm sorry to ask but can anyone help guesstimate the calories in the chicken alone?
/u/Deathscua [5'2"| F | GW: 85]
Created: Fri Mar 30 09:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88b3n7/sos_im_sorry_to_ask_but_can_anyone_help/

[Discussion] What shall i eat today?
Created: Fri Mar 30 09:18:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88b3c6/what_shall_i_eat_today/

[Help] Everything.
Created: Fri Mar 30 08:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88au6v/everything/
I've struggled with anorexia b/p subtype since I was 9 or 10, currently 28. I'm also diagnosed borderline personality disorder, clinically depressed, adhd, and an alcoholic. I go by an 800 calorie a day diet, but I'm either totally restricting (usually fasting for a week or two) or b/p. Basically all or nothing.

I have a photo shoot for my job in a few days and I'm considering killing myself because I'm not, and will never be, good enough. I can't talk to anyone around because they just think I'm over analytical or delusional. The few people I've tried to talk to just tell me I'm pretty, which makes me get in my head and think about all the things I hate about myself. I've tried explaining that to them, but typically ends up turning into an argument.

I self harm via burns and it's becoming very noticeable. I'm not really sure how else to cope other than self harm and substances. I am losing my mind currently and really need someone to relate to. Please talk to me.

I had an abortion a week ago which really isn't helping in any way. I need help, like, now. I've been sent inpatient more times than I care to count and have no idea what to do.

[Discussion] DAE have a large frame?
Created: Fri Mar 30 08:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88atbm/dae_have_a_large_frame/
I have massive shoulders, a massive ribcage, and a massive collarbone. These bones show better when I lose weight, but it means I'll never be dainty and petite and I'll always look like a linebacker. FML

[Rant/Rave] I love UnderArmour!
/u/fluffyfinaland [5'6"| CW 151.8 | GW 120 | -20.2 | 21F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 08:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88aq0g/i_love_underarmour/
A month or so ago I finally started working on my tattoo sleeve (yay!) and decided to wear one of my boyfriend’s long-sleeved UnderArmour shirts to put pressure on it and stop myself from being able to scratch.

Well, bonus, duh, the shirt helps keep everything else tucked in too! I feel like my stomach is even more sucked in when I wear it and it’s so comfortable. Wonder if I can find a nonchalant way to wear this year round?

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Crippling relapse.
/u/beryl8 [5'8 | CW: 123 | BMI: 18.7 | GW: 110]
Created: Fri Mar 30 08:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ammu/rant_crippling_relapse/
I could go on and on about what led me to this point but I'll keep it short. My parents were abusive assholes and made me aware of my weight early on. I've been stuck in this binge/restriction cycle since I was like 12 and its only gotten worse.

These past few months have been hell. I've been switching between restriction to binge/purging with alcohol. It's ruining my life. I keep skipping class and work, sneaking around and hiding things from my SO, making excuses to self isolate, etc. I've been feeling suicidal as well.

There have been days where I tell myself I'm sick of feeling this way and that I just want to get better. On those days I'll try to eat healthy things like vegetables and fruit but I always end up getting ravenous and binging. This just results in me feeling bad, freaking out bc the scale is up ~5lbs and telling myself I'm not even sick enough and that I need to lose more (stupid ED brain).

Part of me wants to get healthy but the other part wants to get worse. It doesn't make any sense.

[Rant/Rave] Back again with more lunch drama
Created: Fri Mar 30 08:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ak4m/back_again_with_more_lunch_drama/
On mobile, can’t tag. I’d say it’s a rant.

So since my coworker told me to take a lunch break I haven’t, but now the comments have started about how I eat too much. What. I eat a 70cal yogurt and a 50 cal rice cake while I’m at work, unless I fall prey to the wonders of 100 calorie chips. So at maximum that’s still only 220cal.

The breaking point for me is when they made fun of me for eating a chocolate croissant for a meeting. The Vice President brought a croissant for everyone and even though they were also eating them they still made fun of me for eating too much.

I’m 5’4”, 110 lbs. They think I eat too much? Fine. I’ll eat even less.

friendships are hard with an ED
Created: Fri Mar 30 07:52:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ahbi/friendships_are_hard_with_an_ed/

friendships are not easy with an ED
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 07:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88ah37/friendships_are_not_easy_with_an_ed/

[Other] RIP cold weather. you will be missed
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 158.2 | -36.8]
Created: Fri Mar 30 07:16:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88a8yr/rip_cold_weather_you_will_be_missed/
now that it’s officially warm where I live, people are starting to wear t-shirts and dresses...which means I can no longer hide my fat under enormous sweaters and cardigans. rip winter. warm weather is satan

[Rant/Rave] My friend told me i look pregnant
Created: Fri Mar 30 06:59:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88a541/my_friend_told_me_i_look_pregnant/
So a few days ago in gym class, we were doing the plank. I forgot to tuck my t-shirt in my yoga pants so my stomach was sorta hanging out and i didnt notice it (😭) my friend who was next to my loudly said 'lol ur stomach is hanging out it looks like youre pregnant' i felt horrible. After the class i just locked myself in the bathroom and cried and cried, i still feel like shit. I'm just imagining how many other people saw it and thought i was fat. Idk if my friend meant it bad or not but it still hurts.

My bmi is 18. Will I ever have a flat stomach? I guess i'll just keep losing too see but it feels sorta hopeless. I felt better for a little while until this happened. Now i feel like a pig.

A while back when i went shopping with this friend a bought a sweater. My friend told me this other (popular) girl in class had the same one, but probably in a small size. Like??? What's that even supposed to mean. Yes i bought a size medium but why comment on it?? Ughh i know i'm overanalyzing shit but it triggers me.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

[Rant/Rave] I ordered Pizza Hut
/u/WaitingForHealing [5'5.5" | 271 | 239 | 115 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 06:48:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88a2qj/i_ordered_pizza_hut/
But I only ate 4 slices and 2 breadsticks. That’s still a lot but I didn’t force myself to eat the whole thing and I didn’t finish the last piece. I also stayed the same weight. Lol so, progress.

I didn’t beat myself up for eating I was more mad at myself because my goal is to cut junk for 30 days so I’m not addicted anymore. Day 1 today. Lol oh boy.

[Discussion] What kind of jeans do you guys wear?
Created: Fri Mar 30 06:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88a29s/what_kind_of_jeans_do_you_guys_wear/
Recently at work, they started allowing people to wear jeans. Everyone was obviously very excited, except me, because my jeans are all skinny and highlight just how flabby my inner thighs are. So I've been wearing my old khakis and slacks using the excuse that "i just spent $50 on new pants that I'll only wear to work so I wanna get my money out of them" but now I'm so dressed up compared to everyone else. I just look like shit in everything I own, I literally hate how people can look at me, it almost feels violating knowing they can see how fat I am and I can't do anything to stop them. Anyways, I guess my question is, what kind of styles of jeans do you guys wear/ where do you buy them?

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 30, 2018
Created: Fri Mar 30 06:13:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/889vlz/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
This is the weekly picture thread for March 30, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 30, 2018
Created: Fri Mar 30 06:12:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/889vl6/daily_food_diary_march_30_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 30, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Dae here self harm in other ways?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 137 | GW 110 | -45 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 03:28:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88949c/dae_here_self_harm_in_other_ways/
Overeating and extreme restriction/starvation is a form of self harm, but do any of you self harm in other ways? I was 9 when I started cutting myself. I saw an episode of degrassi where Ellie cuts herself and a doctor Phil where an older woman still cut herself and in a moment of terrible pain I tried it. I loved it. I still do. I hate that I do. Does anyone else do this? Or something similar?

Created: Fri Mar 30 02:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/888zjn/motherfuck/
Ive lost 7 kilos (15 pounds) in the last couple months, and aside from my stomach being a little flatter I can't see it at all. I still have this shadow at the bottom of my belly, my arms thighs and face are still looking like goddamn Ursula. I'm still squeezing into the same shirts I was squeezing into before. Are my scales broken? Am I so dysmorphic? I sent two friends some body checks and they were like oml so much thinner! But I can't fuuuuuucking see it. It made me so grumpy I binged today from 1am to 5pm, hotdogs and ragu and ketchup and restaurant food, and then found out my sister in law is making me a t-shirt but it's going to be a size s (6-8, I'm around a 10-12). So now I have instant regretti (I'm calling this day lost and finishing my doggy bags tho) as well as a brand new motivation. Before it was a combo of spite and pettiness, but now I'm being held accountable by my sil's apparel company (she actually is a recovered anorexic, I'm always so jealous of her size). I have an actual deadline to meet, so time to get back into my smexercise 😥😥😥😥😥

[Discussion] Exercise habits
/u/eleshel [5 ft | CW 89 | GW 65 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 30 02:03:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/888s3i/exercise_habits/
What kind of exercise routines do folks out there have, and does anyone have any calorie burning tips that have worked well for you? (including foods to pair with different kinds of fitness activity)...I'm only getting in about an hour a day at the gym because of my schedule, and it's frustrating. I've always been a lousy at restricting, and the last thing I want to do is to back to purging.

[Other] Probably have seen this, but just in case you haven't: It's amazing
Created: Fri Mar 30 01:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/888kln/probably_have_seen_this_but_just_in_case_you/

[Rant/Rave] I’m pathetic and going to die alone part 2
Created: Fri Mar 30 01:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/888kjx/im_pathetic_and_going_to_die_alone_part_2/
Last summer I went on a date with some guy from tinder. I had a great time and thought that he did too. And I never heard back from him. Thinking back, he never even touched me, actually, he barely even looked at me. He was super polite, but obviously, he wasn’t attracted to me. That was 20lbs ago.

Yesterday I went on a new date. He couldn’t keep his eyes off me. He held my hands. He was touching my knees constantly. He kept looking at my face. And he took me back to his place and he fucked me. Alright, (even more) TMI details. I felt so small under him, I’m only 5”3 and he’s around 6”4, he had his hands all over me and I felt like he was going to crush me - but I felt so so safe and so tiny. I felt HOT. He was hard even before I touched him. And that was because of ME.


Restriction has never been easier, basically what I do now is omad, I have a nice dinner with my family and then go back thinking about that guy lol. (I’m still not good enough for a relationship, but well, what a confidence boost)

TLDR; I’m a slut 💁‍♀️

If you were paid a dollar for every calorie you could consume (and keep down!) In one day, how many calories would you willingly digest? You cant use any of your earnings to pay for weight reduction or cosmetic surgeries.
Created: Fri Mar 30 00:55:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/888i3h/if_you_were_paid_a_dollar_for_every_calorie_you/

[Rant/Rave] it's not my birthday
/u/mikamou [5'5 | CW 105 | GW 95]
Created: Fri Mar 30 00:40:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/888fpr/its_not_my_birthday/
I was at dinner tonight with family I hadn't seen in a while and we were all exchanging gifts. I guess this lead our server to believe it was my birthday and so after feeling good about the big plate of veggies I ate, he comes through with a massive slice of dense chocolate cake that looked like it belonged in that scene from Matilda. I blurt out, "it's not my birthday!" but everyone just goes along with it.

Now they're pressuring me to have some of the cake. I was able to push it around and just eat the blueberries on top but still, how freaking stressful. And idek why the waiter thought it was my birthday as we were ALL exchanging gifts. Now I'm stressing over whether my diet coke was actually diet...

Yeah, it was a weird night. I'm glad it's over and I didn't take a single bite of the chocolate monstrosity. I'm chalking it up to a win.

[Discussion] DAE feel weird about all/most "thinspo" being white women?
Created: Thu Mar 29 23:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8886cd/dae_feel_weird_about_allmost_thinspo_being_white/
I dunno, maybe I have to look harder. Most of the times I try not to look at all, honestly, but I slip up and look at the thinspo tag on tumblr. Is this weird to feel weird about? Like, I know for a FACT there's beautiful thin people of other genders and races/ethnicities. So.. why don't they ever pop up on my dash? I dunno. I guess it's a weird thing to complain about/notice, lol.

[Rant/Rave] At the point where I’m restricting to cope instead of binging
Created: Thu Mar 29 23:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88806r/at_the_point_where_im_restricting_to_cope_instead/
But I feel guilty about both. Such a frustrating feeling. I so badly want to lose fat, but I want to be healthy, too. I know what I’m doing isn’t healthy.

My mom and I argued right after I had made myself dinner. I couldn’t eat it. I just left the bowl in the kitchen and went to my room. I know she resents me. I know she thinks I’m a huge inconvenience. She says I’m just ungrateful. I wish I wasn’t doing fucking nooothing. I dropped out of college, I can’t find a steady job, I can’t afford to move out of my parents house. I’ve always felt like a burden. I know that’s how she sees me. At least I’m finally losing weight.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I can’t anymore
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’11” | 140 | | 75| Gender]
Created: Thu Mar 29 22:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/887tse/i_feel_like_i_cant_anymore/
I’m on an antipsychotic, an acid reducer/blocker, and an ulcer medicine. When taking all 3 together my extreme nausea and diarrhea were somewhat under control most days but my hunger wasn’t and I binged a lot, mostly on fast food

I started only taking the antipsychotic at night and the acid reducer and ulcer medicine in the day but now it’s not working at all and I don’t know if even taking the antipsychotic with it tomorrow will fix it. I’ve been nonstop nauseous vomiting and diarrhea the past several days.

It’s hard, so fucking hard to make it through work or do anything at all. I genuinely want to die. My stomach hurts so badly and I have constant headaches and heart palpitations. I’m going to call a new GI doctor tomorrow but I’m scared they’ll brush it off because I’m not underweight enough. I’m so fucking scared of my own body.

For me restricting was all about control and now I have no control. Yeah I am thin but I also feel like I am actually dying. The stomach cramps are so bad and I’m so exhausted. I need another endoscopy and they won’t wanna do it. I know this might not be the right place to talk about this. I know for me at least ED behaviors were about control but now I feel like I have no control and no hope. Sorry if that sounds dramatic I know of course it could be worse, it always could be. I don’t even know what my current weight is and I don’t even care. I’m at the maximum dose of both nexium and Carafate and I took the max dose of zofran today and still threw up incessantly. Sorry if this is the wrong thing to post about here. I’m just scared and I want to be healthy really bad , restricting is one thing but this is terrifying

[Discussion] Trigger Foods
Created: Thu Mar 29 22:23:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/887rpn/trigger_foods/
I innocently bought a box cake and ice cream to make for my family but then i realized that combination is the perfect recipe for a binge/purge. I haven’t purged in so long but i am just looking forward to it even tho i shouldn’t be :(

Anyone else have a strong trigger food?

Created: Thu Mar 29 22:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/887p7q/why_am_i_so_fat_heiensjdj/
because i keep eating lol!!!! I'm just in a shit hole and I just hate myself and my body and I keep binging. I miss when my parents were taking note of my weight loss. I want to be 112 again shoot me lol. I'm like 122 but Ill probably be 126 next week!!! :) its fine whatever :-) I always told myself I'd never let myself get super fat and overweight but here i am........eating 20 spoonfuls of nutella......for whatever reason!!!!!!! i hate this!!!!!!!!

just a late rant sry

edit: Also, I think I know part of why I binge? I've noticed whenever we have something unhealthy in our kitchen, I feel obligated to eat it. idk why. I don't need to crave it, but if it's there i NEED to eat it. idk if this has anything to do with binging but i feel like there might be a correlation. does anyone relate to that?

[Help] Advice ?
Created: Thu Mar 29 21:50:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/887l8p/advice/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling guilty, easier to restrict around my boyfriend...
/u/DustyKangaroo [5'2 | CW 135 | GW 100]
Created: Thu Mar 29 21:34:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/887i4e/feeling_guilty_easier_to_restrict_around_my/
I had a thought earlier today that made me feel like a shitty person lol

So my boyfriend opened up to me about his ED, and doesn't know that it sort of (MAJORLY) triggered a relapse for me. When I'm home alone, I can keep myself going on a tightly restricted streak for a short while before I binge on something, just through mindless snacking or inhaling chocolate someone left around. But when he's with me, that sort of BS stops entirely.

He's on a pretty strict (self-imposed) food schedule, since he's sort-of trying to recover, and we never eat the same meals because of it. I'm hesitant to eat around him, outside of his schedule, because I don't want it to accidentally push him into a binge-cycle again (he confessed that this has happened in the past). But more than that, I feel like I can get away with not eating around him *because of that*, and he won't think its weird.

So I feel almost like I'm using him - I enjoy spending time with him, but now there's also that happiness in the back of my mind that says "oh good, now I don't have to worry about accidentally eating for the rest of the night" whenever we have plans, and that feels manipulative and weird.

I should enjoy spending time with him for normal reasons, not also because I can use him as an enabling crutch for my restriction (but I also like that I can) so now I'm guilty and conflicted and I'm sorry this was such a rambling shitty thing lol

[Tip] My own on-the-go kid thanks to EllaSuaveterre for the idea!
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 21:28:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/887gtr/my_own_onthego_kid_thanks_to_ellasuaveterre_for/

[Rant/Rave] I can't eat and enjoy a hot meal anymore.
Created: Thu Mar 29 20:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8878j2/i_cant_eat_and_enjoy_a_hot_meal_anymore/
Sorry guys I just need to rant. I recently went back to a place that I loved when I was a kid and it was wonderful, except the people there were giving us hot food and I couldn't eat it without purging. I went out the bathroom and my friend thought I'd been crying because my eyes were red. I skipped lunch and had coffee instead once because I had a brownie. I fucking hate this disease. It's ruined my life. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

[Rant/Rave] "You'll feel better if you eat."
/u/edthrowaway2018 [5'9" | CW: 198 | GW: 140 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 20:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8873sq/youll_feel_better_if_you_eat/
Said to me by my fiance last night. Oh you sweet summer child.

I've been fasting a ton, 3-5 consecutive days and having awesome results. I'm down 20lbs overall, 15 of which I lost this past month. He finally noticed I haven't been eating and tries to drop this on me. Adorable and he means well, but it honestly made me laugh because of course eating will only make me feel like trash.

I did the "just not hungry" thing and watched him eat dinner instead, without touching any of it. THAT made me feel better. Y'all are the only ones who will get this.

[Discussion] DAE feel nauseous after eating?
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 20:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8872j8/dae_feel_nauseous_after_eating/
Since I started restricting pretty heavily again whenever I eat like a normal person (God that sounds fucked up lol) I get nauseous afterwards. I never get sick though.

[Rant/Rave] Fellow drunkarexics...
Created: Thu Mar 29 20:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88710n/fellow_drunkarexics/
Have you ever had like really weird blackouts? I've had a really bad week so I said "hey let's drink a little extra" and drank extra, about 800 calories in alcohol, and I was pretty sure I went straight to bed. But I was talking to my housemate when I woke up (one shoe was wet inside?) And he said I had been asleep in my car, then came inside and mumbled to the dog, that I looked like a "Fucking zombie", and then I went to bed.

I've never been known to do shitty stuff when I'm blacked out, but I'm just so scared about what happened and how clueless I was to the situation. Fucking scary honestly.

[Rant/Rave] Validating doctor's visit
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'7 | CW:112 | 17.5 | GW: 108| HW: 136|F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 20:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886xnv/validating_doctors_visit/
Ya'll I went to the doctor's today and wow.

No one's ever really noticed my weight loss outside of occasional comments from my Mom and my boyfriend, so I was honestly really yearning for some response from somebody. At least a bit.

And my doctor sure did do it for me today.

When she saw how much weight I lost she lecutred me for a good amount of time about being underweight and seemed genuinely confused and concerned. she was like "Your BMI last time you were here was 20 so I really don't understand why you would want to do this, that was a perfectly healthy great weight before."

And then when she was about to do my breast exam she had to go through all the doctor gown fabric and she was like "Oh my god, this thing just swallows you."

When she was doing the ovary touching thing as part of the pelvic exam she was like "You are so tiny I can feel right through you."

Then finally when she was about to draw my blood she seemed so scared I was going to faint for no good reason, because that's never been an issue for me. She kept offering me peanut crackers and juice, which I don't know if that's a standard routine thing, but she's never offered me these things before when she's drawn my blood, and this time she was insistent on it.

It made me feel so good, like man I'm finally getting somewhere with this. I know I've lost weight, but it doesn't feel real until someone acknowledges it.

[Discussion] Anyone else freaking out a little over the MFP data breach?
/u/yssjfs [SW:160|LW:112|CW:130.8|GW:☠]
Created: Thu Mar 29 19:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886n36/anyone_else_freaking_out_a_little_over_the_mfp/
Honestly more concerned people will see how fucked up my food habits are than break into my other accounts!!!! Uggg people were joking about it in the /r/loseit thread, but I'm legitimately having a panic attack here :(...

[Tip] Peeps & Dum Dums!
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Thu Mar 29 19:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886mxo/peeps_dum_dums/
4 bunnies are 110 calories and I can't binge on them - too much marshmallows make me sick :)

1 dum dum is 25 calories and I can't binge on them - they take too long to eat :)

[Help] hi kids i want 2 die, overate a little bit
Created: Thu Mar 29 19:06:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886lil/hi_kids_i_want_2_die_overate_a_little_bit/

[Rant/Rave] Holy FUCK I am livid right now
Created: Thu Mar 29 18:57:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886jho/holy_fuck_i_am_livid_right_now/

[Rant/Rave] Reasons working in a supermarket is *the best*
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Thu Mar 29 18:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886iy4/reasons_working_in_a_supermarket_is_the_best/
1. Have to stand up for the *entire* shift, no matter what task you're completing

2. My shifts are after college until 11pm, no night snacking!!

3. Free workout when doing stock, lots of walking and lifting non stop for sometimes hours

3. Get to check out all the cool new 0cal drinks and low cal vegan lunch things

4. Get to check out all the amazingly high cal junk food and fantasise about binging without actually having to eat it

5. Weird satisfaction from seeing people's food shops

6. Too tired to eat after the shift

7. Pay is decent

8. Short break and no catering = easy to stick to planned food from home

9. So many distractions

10. Junk food is starting to lose its allure

Never thought being around food all day would motivate me so much, anyone else relate?

[Other] another person smaller than me
/u/illendmylife [cw: go away | f]
Created: Thu Mar 29 18:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886api/another_person_smaller_than_me/
i open up to someone online about my ed and they immediately let me know their weight and they are A LOT thinner than me. i instantly started crying and i know i am awful. i wish i can be dead soon. my therapist said i'm too thin but i'm not at all. it cause me so many issues. i'm not even good at losing weight. i'm not good at anything in my life and i want nothing more than to be dead. i hate everything about myself. i am worthless. i can't do anything right. i am not going to tell anyone my weight anymore. i'm way too much. please be dead soon

[Intro] [INTRO] Hi everyone!
/u/314kee207 [5'4 | CW: 175 GW: 98 | BMI :30 | 30F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 18:19:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/886am3/intro_hi_everyone/
Hi! I figured I'd introduce myself since I'm new to this community. My name is Joelle (well that's really my fake internet name but still), I'm 30 and female. In my younger years I would restrict and exercise too much. As I got older I started to binge. For a while I'd binge then restrict but I soon started bingeing and purging and got an official diagnosis of bulimia. Unfortunately now I seem to just binge and don't do anything about it. Last year I got down to 142 by sticking to a strict 1200 cal diet. But shit happened, meds got changed and I ballooned back up to around 180. But this is all changing now. No more bingeing. If I happen to break that rule I will work it off at the gym. I'm determined to get down under 100 hopefully within the next year. I do have a peach account that I'll be using to record progress and fails. Feel free to follow me (Joelle87). Anyway, that's me. Hi again and thanks for having this community.

[Discussion] Nobody eats on tv
Created: Thu Mar 29 17:43:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8861qr/nobody_eats_on_tv/
I get it, I know they wouldn't write in time for characters to eat. But sometimes when I see their crazy awesome bodies, and all the energy they use up avoiding explosions or whatever, I'm just assume they are all starving but are so superhuman that hunger never ever enters the dialogue.
I know it's so fucking nutso, but and so obviously unrealistic, but I wish that food wasn't a- Well, if I were watching a show about MY life, you definitely can't write out the food part.

[Intro] Thought I looked slim in the mirror this morning then I weighed myself...
/u/RainbowBunnyKitten [5'3" | GW 100 | CW 150 | -10lb | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 17:32:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885z1i/thought_i_looked_slim_in_the_mirror_this_morning/
Hey everyone, I'm a long time first time so I thought I'd make my first post. I hope I'm not alone at getting disappointed at the scales, I've managed to force myself to only weigh myself once a week but it's so frustrating when I think I look like I've lost a fair bit in a week then I weigh myself and there's barely a shift in the scale at all. It makes me think my eyes are playing tricks on me. Then again I'm pretty sure I have BD so that would be a given. Does anyone else experience this?

[Rant/Rave] Today's pizza binge broke my binge cycle.
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | CW 234.0 | GW 120 | HW 278 | 21 F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 17:18:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885vw5/todays_pizza_binge_broke_my_binge_cycle/
So today's binge was some Domino's pizza. Half my order was missing and the person working the front just shrugged it off and told me to have a good day. So I go home and I start eating it. It's not even good. (The little bread twist things that came with the coupon are just soaked in grease. It's pretty gross.) And then it clicked. What a fucking waste of money this is. I'm going to start keeping track of how much money every binge costs. I love my job, but what's the point of working if I blow my paycheck on binge food every week?

[Bonus pic of this grease covered box](https://imgur.com/a/jmv7g)

[Discussion] Any older people here?
Created: Thu Mar 29 17:17:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885vj3/any_older_people_here/
I'm 43. I like this sub but it would be nice to connect with the 30 and up crowd.

[Rant/Rave] I've never told anyone this.
Created: Thu Mar 29 17:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885u39/ive_never_told_anyone_this/
I've got a medical condition that makes my esophagus abnormally narrow, and so when I was younger it would make me throw up if I took too big of a bite or didn't chew enough. And it makes me furious because I got it fixed and still have to do things today to fix it because it's painful, but no matter what I've tried, I've never been able to make myself throw up and that ironic bullshit just makes me so mad.

[Rant/Rave] I’m really sick of this disease.
Created: Thu Mar 29 16:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885nim/im_really_sick_of_this_disease/
Just purged in a gross gas station bathroom using a plastic spoon I had in my car. (I’ve never really been a fingers person, always toothbrush.. or apparently plastic spoons.)

And just frustrated with it all. Like wtf?!

I start with an empty stomach and I’m all ‘man, I’m really craving Easter candy, I should go get a shitload and eat it all’

Binge happens. Heart races until I can find a bathroom. Then this feeling washes over me as I heave a few times and finally get ‘the big one’. I can’t be alone in this.. that one heave where so much comes out and you just think: ‘fuck, finally’. (I think I actually said that allowed in the stall.)

And then I’m empty again and candy is the furthest thing from my mind. WHY?!

Why can’t I just be empty, and stay empty and happy. Why does the b/p even have to occur?! That is all. Just over it. I’m too old for this shit.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I will never be happy with myself.
/u/alyssarach [5'9| CW: Disgusting | GW: 100 lbs | -41 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 16:39:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885m4a/i_feel_like_i_will_never_be_happy_with_myself/
I gained 125 lbs in my pregnancy and grief when my daughter passed away. In the last 2 months, I have gone back to restricting and excercising constantly and lost 40 lbs.

When I look at the scale going down, I feel a second of happiness and accomplishment and then immediately feel horrible about myself. Everytime I want to be happy, my brain reminds myself that I'm still fat and no where near where I used to be.

I feel like I will never be happy with myself and it gets emotionally draining. I get anxiety thinking of people seeing me how I am now. I refuse to see people or go out because of my weight and when people do see me and tell me that I look like I lost a lot of weight, I feel upset because I don't see a difference in the mirror, only the scale.

At work I'm the tiny one who can fit into small spaces.
Created: Thu Mar 29 16:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885kjz/at_work_im_the_tiny_one_who_can_fit_into_small/

[Other] MFP leaked 150mm Usernames/Emails/Passwords - change your pw if you used the same one in multiple places!
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | 142 | 20.9 | -21 | 24]
Created: Thu Mar 29 16:28:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885jl9/mfp_leaked_150mm_usernamesemailspasswords_change/

[Rant/Rave] Messed up
Created: Thu Mar 29 16:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885e18/messed_up/
I went to this market to buy some unsweetened bottles of tea(oolong, green, barley, etc.) I stupidly paid 5.99 for a big bottle of barley tea but stupid me forgot to check the nutritional facts. It was sweetened. I don't know why but I feel so bad. I hate it. I can't return it so that kind of sucks. I know I'm overreacting but it still bothers me.

[Other] MFP data breach: 150 million usernames and e-mail address compromised.
/u/mental7gloss [185cm | 78kg | M]
Created: Thu Mar 29 16:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/885dec/mfp_data_breach_150_million_usernames_and_email/

[Discussion] DAE absolutely not drink calories?
Created: Thu Mar 29 15:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8858l5/dae_absolutely_not_drink_calories/
I never drink my calories

I want all my calories to make me not hungry for as long as possible

Do you drink your calories

PSA: MFP just announced a 150mm user email/password/username breach. Change your passwords!
Created: Thu Mar 29 15:36:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88564f/psa_mfp_just_announced_a_150mm_user/

[Rant/Rave] Just updating ya'll on wisdom tooth surgery AKA first day "back on track"
Created: Thu Mar 29 15:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8851cz/just_updating_yall_on_wisdom_tooth_surgery_aka/
lol, what a life.

I made a post last night about my 2 month binge nightmare finally coming to a forced ending due to oral surgery.

So far today I had three applesauces and a fuck ton of water and some narcotics. Can't wait to wake up after a few days of this feeling slim with virtually no "post-binge-phase" cravings and a head start.

That is all. Oh, and surgery went smooth as fuck.

[Discussion] an easter weekend support thread
/u/spaghetti_girl [5'3" | CW: 111 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 15:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/884x0n/an_easter_weekend_support_thread/
im not sure about everyone else, but i always go home easter weekend to visit my family and we have this huge meal that basically continues all throughout the day. of course ive got some serious ANXIETY about either binging on ham and dinner rolls like theres no tomorrow or being far too obvious about not grazing like the rest of my family. also i probably should bring a side dish or dessert to be polite but i dont even know how to handle making food without snacking away on half of it!

is anyone else in this same situation? do yall plan to get through this weekend alive?

basically this is a thread for us keep each other updated on the successes or humiliations of this weekend so at least were not alone in chocolate covered misery this weekend

[Rant/Rave] My husband is going away on deployment for 6 months... And I'm glad
Created: Thu Mar 29 14:36:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/884pmn/my_husband_is_going_away_on_deployment_for_6/
I feel like a total B*tch for saying or thinking it but I am. I've done nothing but gained weight since he got back from his last deployment 4 years ago. I've tried to eat healthy but some days I don't feel like cooking. He'll cook some days but when we both go tired, a pizza is ordered. Or take out, fast food. Some days I'm in the mood for a burger than a salad. He made it easier to get my "crack". Chocolate here, ice cream there. Never saying " no". Its like I have no control when he's home. Or I'll eat something healthy, he'll come home with fast food like its nothing. Its like "get out so I can get a full night's sleep. Or get our so I don't get tempted and you'll go out and get it." 6 months. Hopefully I'll do a better job and no one will knock me off track. Plus side, I have no friends here so no temptations from them either.

[Help] Welbutrin?
Created: Thu Mar 29 14:06:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/884gv0/welbutrin/

[Goal] I'm 101 today.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 14:05:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/884gqc/im_101_today/
My calculations that I would be 101 in three weeks were utterly, happily wrong. I'm 101 today. I'm underweight, by the measure of BMI my therapist uses. 98 is underweight by the measure we use here at ProED. I ain't gonna lie, guys, I stepped off the scale, on the scale, off the scale, on the scale... and then I bawled like a child. I'm so happy. I won't update my flair yet, just in case it's a temporary fluctuation. Tomorrow. Or maybe next week. I want to be sure.

My goal weight is close. Closer than I ever thought I'd be to it. Trouble is, I don't know quite what that number is anymore. I've had several ideas in the past about where I want to be. 100. 98. 95. 92. 89. 89 seems impossible still... but so did 101, a month ago.

What should I choose? I've gotta pick one. I've gotta pick when I will stop hiding. When I will wear a bikini out to the lake where everyone can see me. When I'll stop hiding weights on my person. When I will wear... *crop tops*. When I will begin the transition from mid-restriction to maintenance. When I will eat a cookie and not feel bad because 1100 calories a day has MORE than enough room for three cauliflower bowls and a cookie. When I will eat THREE cauliflower bowls in the same 24 hours and not feel horrible... at least not emotionally. Physically I might. Ugh, fullness. Makes me nauseous.

I've gotta pick one. I can see the finish line. Holy shit, I've done this so much faster than I ever thought I could.

[Other] Question about being inpatient and suicide attempts
Created: Thu Mar 29 13:54:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/884dfa/question_about_being_inpatient_and_suicide/

[Discussion] Can you tell me about your experiences with psychotherapy?
Created: Thu Mar 29 13:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/884aa5/can_you_tell_me_about_your_experiences_with/
I still haven't seen a therapist, and I think I honestly can't beat this on my own. I've tried a bunch of different stuff, read a couple of books (including Brain Over Binge), but I just keep failing and failing. So how were your experiences? I'm thinking of seeing someone that does CBT.

Oh, and I have bulimia, where I purge with exercise and restriction (but I binge so much that I constantly exercise a lot and restrict; I've burned myself out on exercising and restricting even harder on days after a binge).

[Help] Im upsetting everyine cause im always grumpy
/u/dortuh [5'8" | 113.5lb | BMI 17.3 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 13:39:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88495a/im_upsetting_everyine_cause_im_always_grumpy/
I think I'm unknowingly hangry... Does anyone else just make everyone around them sad cause you're always pissed off? I'm only fun to be around when I'm drunk. What can I do about this?

[Help] i’m afraid i will binge tomorrow
Created: Thu Mar 29 13:38:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8848zg/im_afraid_i_will_binge_tomorrow/

[Discussion] Cheap clothes online?
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.4 | 118.79 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Thu Mar 29 13:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8847um/cheap_clothes_online/
Anyone have some suggestions for cheap (preferably masculine) clothes online? Especially stores that have small sizes. I have sized out of my clothes so rapidly that I have no clothes that fit anymore and can't afford to go shopping. Amazon isn't the greatest for what I'm looking for, I think. I don't really have thrift shops near me either so that's why I say online.

[Rant/Rave] Stop forcing me to eat
/u/limelightwithyou [5'2 | 93.4 | 17.1 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 13:02:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/883ypg/stop_forcing_me_to_eat/
Is anyone else also excited about getting away from people you *have* to eat with?

I'm currently in college and for the most part, I have my own routine and I can live my life not eating or eating very little, minus around 3-4 times a week with friends (but that's easy to work around because I can just skip other meals).

However, I'm in a long distance relationship, so when I visit my bf a few weekends a month, I'm basically forced to eat (he's not very understanding about skipping, he'll only want to go to places with fat, high calorie foods) and I also can't control myself when I'm at the restaurants. I just straight up binge. PLUS going back home on breaks, I can't get out of eating with my family as well. Right now I'm on spring break and it's been such a terrible week (eating 500+ calories over my TDEE everyday) and all I want to do is cry :(

Is it fucked up that I want to go back to my normal routine and restrict? STOP FORCING ME TO EAT.

[Rant/Rave] watermelon is the most amazing thing is the world
/u/isaezraa [5'3 | CW 110 | GW 110-100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 12:54:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/883w9h/watermelon_is_the_most_amazing_thing_is_the_world/
i just had an entire quarter of watermelon for breakfast (570g without the green) and it was only 139 calories!!!!! what the fuck!!!! i feel so full and its so sweet and refreshing and i got lucky and managed to buy one with none of the grossly textured parts, and i just want to say ty watermelon for blessing the world with ur presence. i appreciate

also, unrelated, but i binged for the past 2 weeks but I managed to snap out of it, I gained 3kg but i’ve been losing a kilo a day? wtf? i’m assuming its not actual fat, but what is it then?

sorry for this weirdass post lol idk where my heads as

[Rant/Rave] Excited to get away from people
Created: Thu Mar 29 12:51:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/883vd2/excited_to_get_away_from_people/

Vet a therapist?
Created: Thu Mar 29 12:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/883la8/vet_a_therapist/
I'm about to find a therapist. I was planning on calling them, but I don't know what to ask other than "Are you accepting new patients?"

What are some questions I should ask to make sure I don't end up in a bad situation?

Forgot about flair, on phone. [Discussion or question]

[Rant/Rave] I Donated Blood Today!
/u/fatyoyo [32F | 5’2” | CW 158 lbs | GW 105 lbs |]
Created: Thu Mar 29 12:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/883g2g/i_donated_blood_today/
And my iron levels were great which is AWESOME because I’ve been turned away from donating in the past due to low iron anemia! I was pretty nervous about trying again.

Also, “Don’t skip any meals and if you drink alcohol refrain from doing so for 24 hours”. Lol yeah ok 👌

[Rant/Rave] Sabotaging food and being a wasteful POS
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 12:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/883flp/sabotaging_food_and_being_a_wasteful_pos/
Yesterday during the midst of a ravanous binge session, I had to force myself to take the rest of these two slices of pizza that I was close to eating and shove them into a nearby cup that which I then doused in fucking hairspray in order to keep myself from finishing it. It literally took all my stength to do that.

If I can conjure up the strength to sabotage a binge like that, why can't I conjure up the strength to NOT begin a binge in the first place?! At least if I could do that much, I wouldnt be wasting so much food that other ppl couldv'e actually eaten by having to ruin it in the end. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] DAE hate clothing shopping?
Created: Thu Mar 29 11:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88362i/dae_hate_clothing_shopping/
I really don’t like to shop for clothes. I don’t look right in anything I try on, and end up getting nothing and feeling depressed. It’s like, what’s the point in even trying to dress stylish if I have a weirdly proportioned body?

[Rant/Rave] Miscalculated calories by 300, literally FML.
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 94 | 17.9 | GW: 92]
Created: Thu Mar 29 11:17:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/88333f/miscalculated_calories_by_300_literally_fml/
I didn't have a food scale until today so i'd been going off of what myfitnesspal said was 160 calories for a cup of krave (cereal) thinking everything was ok. I've eaten a cup of krave with milk every morning for the past 5 months.

So i just went to test out my new scale, placed my cup measure on top and began pouring the cereal. Red lights started going off instantly in my head, as i pour 3 pieces in for a 4g reading. I decide to pour in the cereal until it reaches 30g which is supposedly 1 bowl/serving for 135 calories. I shit you not, there were max 20 individual tiny pieces of cereal in that cup and it barely reached the smallest third full. What the hell kind of serving size is that? So i keep pouring to 40g which is what i thought i've been eating/counting as about 180 calories. Barely half the cup full. So I think fuck it, and just fill the cup until it's full which is what i've been eating every day as recommended by myfitnesspal as a 160 cal serving. Fucking 90 grams. Over 400 calories of cereal.

I've been struggling so hard to have "800 calorie days" recently, and because of this my life is about to get so much more miserable. If you don't have a scale already... just don't.

[Rant/Rave] I hate non-uniform days at school.
Created: Thu Mar 29 11:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/882z3b/i_hate_nonuniform_days_at_school/
It's part of the reason I didn't go to school today. Even though I feel like my school uniform makes me look fatter than I actually am, I hate wearing my own clothes to school. It triggers my ed even more and I'll eat very little a week before so that I don't feel fat and others don't look at me and think I'm fat. I hate the feeling I get the day before when I'm trying to put together an outfit to wear, frantically searching through my closet but nothing looks right. its either too tight around my arms or my stomach or makes my hip dips visible or makes my fat poke out when I sit down. nothing ever looks fucking good enough on me. then the day will come and I want to cry and I don't want to go to school. how I'll want to wear the same pair of jeans that I have broken into and the same top but, I can't always wear the same thing. what will people think of me if I do? so I'll eventually convince myself to put something on and go to school and just hope that if I pull my coat tight enough around me I'll feel better and no one will look at me. then I'll meet my friends and they'll tell me I look nice but its not enough t o get rid of my anxiety and the voice in my head telling me I look ugly and that I should have eaten less. then I'll go into class and woo hoo for me my teacher tells the class we have to take off out coats so ill reluctantly peel it off myself. feeling uncomfortable I'll hug myself around my stomach so no one can see what I look like. the girl on the table over who doesn't like me will start laughing hysterically and even if it isn't directed at me it still makes me feel anxious and want to cry. after school is over I'll be enveloped into a comforting blanket that are my friends for the next few hours before its time to go home. when I get home I'll cry and tell myself to eat less next time so I don't look as ugly.

Does Prozac work??
Created: Thu Mar 29 10:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/882sj5/does_prozac_work/

[Discussion] Visiting college friends tonight! Tips?
Created: Thu Mar 29 10:25:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/882na3/visiting_college_friends_tonight_tips/

[Discussion] How does your period effect your ED?
/u/Lillie1990 [5’4 | CW 131.6 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 10:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/882ivc/how_does_your_period_effect_your_ed/
I literally could NOT stop eating yesterday and was so intensely irritable and pissed. I didn’t self harm but totally wanted to and was just so restless and felt like I was losing my mind. This happens like every month and then I realize oh: I’m about to start my period. Every single month that I make that realization I am always as shocked as the month before! Hahaha. I just wish it wouldn’t put me in a damn binge cycle every single month!

UK people. Halo top £3.50 a pint at Tesco. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:252|CW:221| -31| GW:112| HW:294|27F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 10:03:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/882gce/uk_people_halo_top_350_a_pint_at_tesco_this_is/

[Discussion] smoking and restriction
Created: Thu Mar 29 09:59:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/882fe4/smoking_and_restriction/
to the people here who smoke weed: do you smoke when youre restricting? or do you just kick it completely. if you don't get munchies, did you train yourself out of it or did it just never happen to you?

for me, i have to go completely cold turkey with it because if i get a little high i am a food vacuum. did an edible and ate 3500 calories in 4 hours, to the point of unintentionally purging because my body is like wtf man and i get sick.just giving it up completely until im 120.

[Help] thinking about opting out of partial
/u/swanstav [5'3 | 91lbs |BMI:16 | GW:85 |]
Created: Thu Mar 29 09:36:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8828mc/thinking_about_opting_out_of_partial/
I started a partial program and am not ready for it at all but haven’t given it much time. I miss free time and eating foods that I feel comfortable with. I don’t know if quitting is a bad idea, or if it’s what I need to do at this point in my life.
The therapist there is extremely not helpful. Nobody there will agree that I should quit, obviously. I just feel like i amount to nothing because I am so unmotivated by the end of the day. I dread going in so much but also feel like I am letting everybody down and that if I quit, it’s very possible I will spiral out of control again.
I don’t feel like anybody will tell me to quit treatment, but I really don’t want to or think I can stay with the way things are going.

[Rant/Rave] just a lil rant about porn
/u/liskovaa [21 | F | 5'4" | -40lbs. | 🍑 babycat]
Created: Thu Mar 29 09:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8826te/just_a_lil_rant_about_porn/
nsfw i guess. i’ve been obsessing about this forever and still can’t really articulate it, but fuck i am so bothered that my hook up buddy likes bbw porn!! like he showed me a clip of a girl who is... maybe my weight? maybe bigger? lol idk body dysmorphia. and i don’t know why but it made me feel so horrible. like i don’t know why i would feel better with them watching regular porn because tbh that makes me feel insecure as well, but i feel like it’s worse this because i don’t understand how that can be attractive, which makes me sound like a horrible person and hypocrite i know :( like i almost feel like it’s all a joke. i know people have different preferences and chances are this guy is actually really attracted to me, but i am so fucking fat how is that possible?? ughh. sorry for the rant that made no sense but thanks for listening.

[Other] MEN OF PROED: New sub just for us!
/u/bipolarspacecop [M/21]
Created: Thu Mar 29 09:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8822x7/men_of_proed_new_sub_just_for_us/
Link: r/EDmen / [EDmen](https://www.reddit.com/r/EDmen/)

Feel free to post there if you prefer. Maybe we can make a community of our own. Both cisgender and transgender men are allowed to join/post. I'd prefer women not join because I want this to be a community for JUST guys. Sorry, I hope the rest of you understand. If it dies, it dies. But it'll still be there if anyone wants it.

If you would like a more trans-centric ED community, message u/woollyshirt to gain access to r/transproED. The sub is basically dead so your contribution is appreciated.

[Help] Being Honest w/ My Psychiatrist Today
Created: Thu Mar 29 09:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881zhf/being_honest_w_my_psychiatrist_today/
I'm probably going to regret this, but today I have an appointment with my psychiatrist and I'm planning on being honest about my restriction, purging, ec stacking, and my self injury. I don't know if I'm ready for recovery, but I do want to be on the right medications and so I want to be honest about where I'm struggling. Has anyone else been honest with their healthcare providers? Do you feel like you've been penalized or they are supportive?

UPDATE: I told him everything and he was just like "it seems like you're unhappy with your weight. You need the ephedrine because you aren't sleeping enough. I think you have sleep apnea. Let's do a sleep study" :|

[Rant/Rave] Food betrayal
Created: Thu Mar 29 08:54:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881wme/food_betrayal/
I woke up this morning feeling very hungry after three restrictive days, I decided to treat myself to some breakfast. I grabbed a Breakfast sandwich from a popular grocery store, I go back to eat in my car content with my treat. I'm a few bites in, I check the calories printed in the sticker.
Bitch that's my whole day.
I regret everything, I'm upset. I didn't finish it, I'm just blown the heck away. I was looking forward to a stress free treat, I was wrong. I feel betrayed.

Is this post dramatic? Yea. Did I just let a sandwich ruin my whole day? Yeah. It's 11 where I am and I have had 700 calories. I'm freaking out.

Whats y'all betrayal food? Share with me so I dont make this mistake again.

[Rant/Rave] I just want a piece of fucking cake!!
Created: Thu Mar 29 08:40:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881sda/i_just_want_a_piece_of_fucking_cake/
Today we are celebrating my middle child's 4th birthday, and I made this delicious looking cake at work for him. I want a piece. But I'm not allowed. But I know I won't be able to resist. But it's my son's birthday and I should allow myself one piece. But then I'm gonna want more later and will end up shoveling leftover cake into my fat face later tonight when everyone is in bed. But I better not do that shit because I'm finally under 140. And omg why can't I just have one god damn piece piece of cake at the party and move on with my life like a normal human being why do I have to obsess over a fucking cake.

Adrian's cake https://imgur.com/a/FTr0y

[Discussion] What's your sex life like?
Created: Thu Mar 29 08:31:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881pwx/whats_your_sex_life_like/
Mine all messed up to hell, I'm curious if anyone is dealing with Similar issues? Sorry if this isn't completely on the vein of ED topics but I know there is a lot of overlap for me

[Other] Oh.
Created: Thu Mar 29 08:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881nhb/oh/

[Rant/Rave] Eating in class
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:95 / BMI: 18.37 / GW: 84]
Created: Thu Mar 29 08:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881l46/eating_in_class/

[Goal] Goal weight 100lbs
Created: Thu Mar 29 07:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/881go7/goal_weight_100lbs/

[Discussion] I'm not very good at self control most of the time anyways but I find it especially difficult to not accept food from others!
Created: Thu Mar 29 06:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880qzp/im_not_very_good_at_self_control_most_of_the_time/
I can restrict myself from eating as long as I'm not around people eating or offering me food. I find it for some reason incredibly difficult to say no to people offering me food especially when they keep insisting after I already said no. Anyone else experience this?

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 29, 2018
Created: Thu Mar 29 06:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880qwy/weekly_emotional_support_march_29_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 29, 2018
Created: Thu Mar 29 06:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880qnr/daily_food_diary_march_29_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 29, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] EC Stacking (nausea?)
/u/bromodatchi [5'1" | 96 lbs | 18.9 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 29 06:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880qii/ec_stacking_nausea/
Not really a question, more of other people's experience with EC stacks & if they've possibly experienced nausea while EC stacking?

I've been doing EC stacks for quite a bit of time, and I've noticed that lately I'll get really gag-y and nausea after smoking. Just recently I puked in my own lap on the highway (which was unexpected).

Just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences or if my body just hates me so much now that it rejects anything I put into it. (Could have been related to anxiety, but I'm doubting it due to the pattern).

I’m gonna do it.
Created: Thu Mar 29 05:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880nce/im_gonna_do_it/

Very subtle advertisement from Instagram..
Created: Thu Mar 29 05:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880jag/very_subtle_advertisement_from_instagram/

[Discussion] People who have gotten a feeding tube:
Created: Thu Mar 29 05:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/880gmf/people_who_have_gotten_a_feeding_tube/
Can you tell me what your experience was with it? What weight you were, how long you had it, what weight you were when you had it removed, how it felt having it etc.?

[Other] Something you all might find interesting: most lost fat is removed through breathing
/u/nymphetamines_ [5'8" | too fat | non-binary]
Created: Thu Mar 29 04:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8802qe/something_you_all_might_find_interesting_most/
(Link to the [study](https://www.bmj.com/content/349/bmj.g7257) published in British Medical Journal, for those interested)

I know a lot of us are neurotic about our bowel movements, peeing (and even things like spit, snot, and dead skin) and how they factor into our weight or weight loss.

Something I found unintuitive but very interesting was that the overwhelming majority of fat, or waste from lost fat, isn't excreted through stool. It's broken down and the extra carbon is breathed out! And the other 16% *still* isn't pooped out, it becomes water and is peed out or used elsewhere in the body. It's amazing to me that we can breathe out entire kilograms of CO2.

I don't know if this will make you feel worse or better or nothing at all, but I thought it was neat and figured I'd share.

[Rant/Rave] Why can’t people just mind their own business?
Created: Thu Mar 29 04:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8802ay/why_cant_people_just_mind_their_own_business/
Everyone important in my life has noticed my weight and is beginning to take up concern. You’d think I’d be happy, right? The ultimately validating time that most of us dream of and envision as the ultimate motivator. Now I’m here and feeling stupid for wishing so much for it because. It. Fucking. Sucks.

I imagined that maybe I would reach a point where I would be showered with compliments, and then eventually reach a point of concern and that’s how I would “know” it would be time to stop restricting. But I never received the compliments. All of a sudden I’m being bombarded with judgements, concerns, and accusations. I’m put in a situation where I have to lie through my teeth to defend myself and it makes me feel shitty and scared. Scared that I’ll be caught.

I literally am not even *that* thin you guys. Not nearly thin enough to cause concern yet. I want to lose more, but now it’s going to have to come at the cost of intense anxiety and even more isolation. I’m honestly just so annoyed and frustrated. So what if I’ve lost some weight? So what if I’m a little thinner than I used to be? Why can’t everyone just keep their thoughts to themselves and leave me be? I’m 24 years old FFS. I’m fully an adult. I just want to restrict and lose in peace; away from judgements - anxiety and guilt free.

I just feel especially irritated because, why is my weight anyone else’s damn business in the first place??? When I had gained weight a few years back, they would whisper about it and make carefully constructed digs at me. Now that I’ve lost, something that is conventionally a good thing, I’m *still* getting negativity thrown my way. It’s not fucking fair.

I wish they would just say something nice or not say anything at all.

[Help] Forced to eat
Created: Thu Mar 29 03:58:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8801ct/forced_to_eat/

[Discussion] just another peach thread
Created: Thu Mar 29 01:35:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87zeiq/just_another_peach_thread/
i figured its been like what two weeks since the last peach thread on here? here’s another one, add me: illsleep

[Rant/Rave] Relapsing
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Thu Mar 29 00:32:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87z3vh/relapsing/
Well I'm back in my relapse cycle. I go through different cycles relative to my ED - usually it's a month of restricting and weight loss, two months of binging and weight gain, a month of "healthy" eating and exercise and then I fall back again

I've been eating normally recently, not counting calories and snacking and eating junk food as well as some normal meals. I'm just getting conscious again that I'm 140lbs and I'd be so much prettier if I lost like 20lbs. I'm tall, and tall skinny girls are so beautiful I want to be like them

myfitnesspal will honestly be my downfall lol

[Help] I just fucking want someone to tell me what I look like.
/u/miracleunicat [5'6 | CW: 109 | GW: 65]
Created: Wed Mar 28 23:42:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87yv4y/i_just_fucking_want_someone_to_tell_me_what_i/

I'm still fat !
Created: Wed Mar 28 22:38:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87yjbk/im_still_fat/

[Help] Please, help a confusing recovery?
Created: Wed Mar 28 22:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ygk5/please_help_a_confusing_recovery/
Hi, sorry to bother anyone but I'm really struggling with part of my rehabilitation. I had bulimia for years but for the past 6 months, after hospitalization and meds and some storybook level sidekick support I've stopped purging and I've graduated therapy and I'm doing better! I exercise even if I hate my body, I eat the right foods in the right amounts and I'm getting more okay with doing that! but every week My binge eating spikes during stress or when I feel like things are going too well or I need to be grounded. I feel like I can't go to sleep or feel calm at the end of the day, when there's no more people or adventure unless I eat and then eat excessively bc some part of my cortex is screaming "BINGE is GOOD. food makes people happy and you won't be happy unless you eat something because you're NOT ENOUGH. but if you indulge that's bad and you have to binge or else you're just a failure? Because if you're gonna self destruct you can't half ass it?"
I know it's illogical but it's killing me, and making getting better seem impossible. I'm sorry. Any help would be appreciated (besides heading back to therapy, not an option rn)

[Rant/Rave] Bothered by a small, probably well-meaning comment.
/u/vlad-poutine [5'7" | CW 113 | BMI 17.7 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 22:03:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87yccl/bothered_by_a_small_probably_wellmeaning_comment/
I'm super new here, so I apologize in advance for any rule-breaking behavior. I have always expressed a preoccupation with restricting my diet. I am "underweight", but not extremely so, which, to be honest, irritates me. I can never get skinnier nor happier for very long. Anyway, today one of my friends was talking to me about our respective eating habits - she's not super tiny - and she said, "honestly, you don't even look super skinny. You look average." And that hurt. All my hard work. I don't even look skinny. When she said average, it sounded like "fat" to me. I've been struggling with my image for so long and to be told that I look "average" and "not skinny" was horrifying. So I cried for a while. Maybe I should develop a spine. Or maybe she is right. I always thought I looked thin enough, but I guess I don't. Please tell me someone else has experienced this. And if you have, what did you do to calm yourself down? How can this anxiety be avoided? Is thinness subjective? (I always thought it was the opposite.) I'm sorry if this might sound repetitive, I haven't been here long so I don't know if millions of other people also have posted about this.

[Rant/Rave] Losing my grip on control, spiraling into weight gain, aaaaand ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
Created: Wed Mar 28 21:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87y2cs/losing_my_grip_on_control_spiraling_into_weight/
The scale may not have moved but the flab on my arms has. I'm jiggly as hell. Shall i go over the bad habits i partook in these past few weeks ?
•eating candy
•chewing an entire small bag of gumballs where each piece was ~30 calories
•eating ~1900 calories worth of frosted animal crackers in one sitting, 3 days in a row (and twice was at work, which eating at work is a big no-no for me)
•not stopping once i start eating breakfast (eat some rice cakes, then oatmeal or green beans, move onto a tub of cool whip, scarf down the ice cream, next comes some slices of cheese...)
•skipping the gym

I hate myself ihatemyselfihatemyself. *I hate my body*. *I HATE MYSELF*. I hate my habits and lack of discipline. My willpower is nonexistent lately. I'm just not losing weight and haven't been able to for quite a significant amount of time. I haven't been able to be strong long enough to see/feel results.

I fear i'll never be able to lose weight. I'm ashamed of myself every time i see or feel a jiggle. I agonize with pure envy any time i'm not the skinniest person any given immediate area

I'm desperate to burn fat off myself (particularly my arms). What are some helpful, effective, healthy affordable ways to go about that? What keeps your willpower goin strong enough to reroute

two people said my face is looking fat today
Created: Wed Mar 28 21:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xzw8/two_people_said_my_face_is_looking_fat_today/

[Discussion] What are you proud of?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57.1kg | BMI 18.86 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 25F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 20:55:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xy35/what_are_you_proud_of/
So this is a nice lil discussion about what you're proud of, be it ED related or not.

Mine are:
- I'm proud that I'm currently on day 32 of PIIT.
- I'm proud that I don't find it hard to complete the workouts in the allotted time due to lack of fitness (I'm lazy af though)
- I'm proud that I have been handling 'rough' patches with maturity at the moment.
- I'm proud that I haven't binged in...5 days. I can already feel a hardness developing in my body. My arms are tighter, my chest and shoulder bones are more visible...my legs will get that gap back soon!
- I'm proud that I've not weighed myself in over 30 days. I'm going by how my clothes fit and measurements. The scale triggers me into a binge.

What are you proud of?

[Goal] Tonight at midnight ends this two month binge nightmare.
Created: Wed Mar 28 20:44:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xvj4/tonight_at_midnight_ends_this_two_month_binge/
Well, I'm "recovering" which actually just turned into out of control bingeing. I wanna lose weight again now. I was 119 before I started recovering officially and now I'm 123. Not a big deal at all. I'm not even panicking about the number at all, the number is so so so shockingly low. It's how I FEEL. I know you all can relate. I miss the goals, I miss eating clean (it feels so good for so many reasons other than weightloss), I miss the sport of it, idk. I feel aimless and sloppy and sad and pathetic and out of control just eating whatever I want, whenever I want. Idk, I guess I do have more energy and more personality now. I guess I do have better focus. But at the price of being uncomfortable and mildly sad all the time. Idk, it's confusing and upsetting.

POINT IS, I'm having all 4 wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow. Since I knew this oral surgery was coming up, I been eating whatever the fuck junkfood bullshit I want for like 8 weeks with no physical activity. This past week hasn't even been fun or delicious. It's been a nightmare. I'm over the junkfood, I'm sluggish and I feel greasy all the time idk.

Tomorrow at 9am I get the surgery. So I'll basically be starting a forced liquid-fast. That's gonna kick off my new start, my fresh start. My goals, my summer body. I will NEVER starve myself again (i.e. - I plan to eat 1900-2000 cal a day because I'll be lifting weights again too) but it'll be back to my clean, veggie, lean-protein filled meals. I'd love to starve myself - I MISS THAT HIGH -but alot of my hair rapidly fell out and some other health complications scared the ever living fuck out of me. I also don't want prematurely wrinkly skin or dull eyes, etc. from nutritional deficiencies. And i work with highly aggressive teens with autism so I can't be energy-compromised at work.

sooooooooooooooooooo yeah, new starts and shit ya know, cheers. so dramatically nervous for this surgery but also relieved that it's a chance to turn this binge nightmare around.


[Rant/Rave] I've had a really bad couple of days
/u/manateens [5'4 20F | 145 / UGW 98 | BMI27]
Created: Wed Mar 28 20:42:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xv58/ive_had_a_really_bad_couple_of_days/
Fuck. I went to a wedding on Saturday that was really nice. I came home and sobered up, and my SO got McDonald's. I ate all of it.

I woke up Sunday with a 102 fever. Period started up again. I went to a movie and ate a brownie sundae and a soft pretzel. And I think I had more after, but I don't remember.

Monday the fever was no better. Period was worse. We ordered pizza and ate candy.

Yesterday the fever began to break. I laid in bed all day as I felt an ovarian cyst rupture. I continued eating candy. I asked my SO to bring me warm comforting food when he got off work. He brought wings and fried shit. I cried and ate nothing. I sliced my stomach in the bath and bled through my shirt.

Today I woke up and ate a bunch of fucking gummy worms. The cyst is still bleeding. My SO is trying to get a second job now. All because I'm a piece of shit that can't just get up and go to work. I can't just eat like a normal person. I can't just feel hunger cues and not binge. I can no longer shit without either laxatives or overeating to just push it all out. I can't sleep without nyquil or weed. I can't function without caffeine. My SO is getting so tired of taking care of me even though he says he's not. I know him too well, I can tell. I'm making his life so much worse. He didn't sign on for this. When we met, and up until this winter, I was functional. I woke up and had energy and was the main breadwinner. And then I relapsed. And now I either binge and have no energy or I fast and have no energy. I'm easily confused and constantly dizzy and always cold. And I barely have anything to show for it because this disgusting binge/fast cycle means I've barely lost 15 pounds in 3 months. And yeah for someone much smaller that's great, but I started out fucking obese and it should be coming off faster, but I just go weeks without fucking eating and then I binge it all back until I'm so bloated (since yanno I can't shit anymore) that my stretch marks start splitting open and bleeding right alongside my self harm slashes

I hate this. I hate this person I've become. I hate myself for letting this happen. And the more I hate myself the harder this goes and I become even less functional. Fuck anyone who thinks eating disorders can be solved by "just eating" fuck everyone who thinks mentally ill people aren't acutely aware of how fucked up they are and FUCK EATING DISORDERS for ruining my body, my life, my relationship and all of my friendships

I have an awful headache and I'm permanently dehydrated. I'm on my fourth liter of water today and have had electrolyte supplements in between and my mouth is still. fucking. dry.

[Intro] New here
Created: Wed Mar 28 20:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xs42/new_here/
I feel like I’m the only person in my situation (although rationally I know at probably not)

I’m old - 43. Far too old I think to be dealing with this. I’ve struggled with either restricting or purging - not binging - just purging most of what I ate on bad days.

I have gained so much weight while being in a bad marriage, suffering PTSD as well as depression, anxiety and BPD

Recently I joined a clinic for weight loss. I have a dietician, fitness coordinator and overall health coach. As soon as I started my thoughts of throwing up and restricting went overboard.

I feel like such a failure. Today I ate three meals (one normal and two small) and I purged after each one.

No question really, just wanted to share

[Rant/Rave] I'm free.
Created: Wed Mar 28 20:17:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xpr9/im_free/
Hey guys. It's been a long time since I was active here. My last post was "Goal Weight #1 is so close I can taste it." And it got 147 upvotes. Shortly after that, I was committed into a residential facility against my will by my parents and treatment team. I was devastated, and I fought back. And I refused treatment. And eventually I caved. And I started to allow myself to change, bit by bit. I'm not a vegan anymore. It was the first thing they made me let go, much to my dismay. Guess my username doesn't make as much sense anymore. Anyways, I didn't want to get better at all. I gave up lots and lots of more months of weight loss. But I accepted treatment and I'm doing okay. Due to my excessive weight loss (about 100 pounds in around 4-5 months) I ended up with gallstones, which infected my liver. I had to have my gallbladder removed. And I'm only 16. I'm not telling anybody to get better. Or to seek treatment. Because I've been where you are, and I know most of you do not want to, and aren't going to yet. and that's okay. When/If you do decide to change, and do the most kind thing for yourself in the world - I hope that you succeed. And I hope someday you can look back and regret it all. I hope someday you can eat cupcakes without fear, and go on a run just for the sake of getting outdoors. It's a process. And it's a choice I have to make every single day. Some days I don't make the right choice. And theres no certainty that I wont go back to my old ways someday. but for now - I get to enjoy life. And I hope some of you on here are considering making that next step as well.
Thank you all so much for the support I recieved while I was active on this subreddit.

[Other] @everyone on this tag 💖
Created: Wed Mar 28 20:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xlue/everyone_on_this_tag/

My friends are threatening to tell about me!!1!
Created: Wed Mar 28 19:52:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xjwm/my_friends_are_threatening_to_tell_about_me1/

what music do you like to listen to when you're sad?
Created: Wed Mar 28 19:42:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87xhjv/what_music_do_you_like_to_listen_to_when_youre_sad/

[Help] Does anyone have snack suggestions that make you feel very "stable"? I'm feeling dizzy and light headed all the time.
/u/claireupvotes [5'8" | 118 lbs | BMI 17.9 | 23F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 19:05:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87x92a/does_anyone_have_snack_suggestions_that_make_you/
I used to have horrible anorexia (~14 BMI) when I was in high school, and although I've recovered for the most part, I do somewhat slip back into old habbits. This subreddit was extremely comforting during times of need and I need some help now for a very different reason but I think this community might have some suggestions!

I learned a month ago that I have very serious GI issues that are going to require surgery that I've scheduled for the summer. Eating (and bowel movements lol) causes me lots of pain now, and consequently I've been eating less and less to avoid this pain. I've lost a *ton* of weight and I feel like I've forgotten how to function while having an ED. Restricting used to give me a feeling of control, but now I feel weak and exhausted. I don't actively restrict or set calorie/weight goals and haven't for several years now... and, on top of that, I decided to commit to being a vegetarian a little over a month ago!

In the past, my go-to for feeling "stable" when eating at a calorie deficiency was meat. Meat had a lot of protein and I was always on a ketogenic diet. Now that I'm not eating meat, I find myself feeling dizzy constantly. Yesterday I fainted in a parking garage, and I really need some suggestions. I made an appointment with my campus dietitian but it's still more than a week away, and I'd really like to feel... not dizzy (but not even necessarily full because that triggers the GI pain) in the meantime.

Any suggestions would be great! Thank you!

[Help] Anyone here tried lipodrene?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2" | 45kg/99lbs | 18.95 | GW 43/95lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 28 19:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87x8ve/anyone_here_tried_lipodrene/

[Rant/Rave] dysfunctional human
Created: Wed Mar 28 19:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87x89p/dysfunctional_human/
A bit off-topic, but I just wanted to vent about being crap at life in general.

For example, I turned in some dvds the other day, and had to pay $60 in fees on them because they were a month late

Ive been unemployed for nearly 3 weeks and dont feel like doing anything other than laying in bed on my laptop and eating at this point.

My dishes pile up until the guilt of potentially bothering my roommate forces me to wash them

All of my plants are dead

Im hemorrhaging money at the moment on things like binge food, and restriction grocery trips (you know, the "alright! im going to turn things around finally and get out of this binge cycle just gotta go buy all new food")

And to top it all off, today I was supposed to have my first day at a new somewhat-mediocre job, but I binged massively a few hours beforehand and had to call in and reschedule because I made myself ill. I feel like shit constantly because of all the food I stuff into my sorry body. All I think about is food. All that brings me joy is food, but lately its been making me feel very, very sad.

[Discussion] I'm so messed up, how do I be normal for my bf?
Created: Wed Mar 28 18:55:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87x6t2/im_so_messed_up_how_do_i_be_normal_for_my_bf/
My bf and I are both working to lose weight. He knows I've got issues. I log everything into mfp and he checks it daily, rules are minimum 1000 max 1400ish. But I've found with the minimum he lets it slide if I justify it. Like I binged yesterday so he's letting it slide at 850. But he's trying to be happy and tell me how great his day is going - after dinner he's only at 500 calories, and plans to hit 1000 by drinking. And he sent me his step tracker and it just got me so upset. I work on my feet, I'm always moving, it's an extremely physical job and I do workout regularly. It just makes me feel so inadequate. I don't know how to be normal around him ugh. Thanks for just letting me vent.

[Rant/Rave] I’m so mad at myself over 80 calories
Created: Wed Mar 28 18:35:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87x230/im_so_mad_at_myself_over_80_calories/

[Rant/Rave] Last week I decided to stop restricting on tiny portions of junk food and opt for fruits and vegetables instead, and it's forcing me to confront my dependence on food for comfort.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 18:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87wyiq/last_week_i_decided_to_stop_restricting_on_tiny/
I was operating with a constant headache and my mental clarity was so compromised that I had no choice but to alter my diet. My calorie limit hasn't changed, but the volume and nutrient density of my meals has tripled. Sure, it's nice to be able to piece together a coherent sentence again, but it's a pyrrhic victory. Without the cycle of debilitating hunger and brief food-induced happiness, I'm completely fucking empty. I look forward to nothing. I could go back to my old diet, but it wouldn't take the edge off the realization that the only thing that makes my life worth living is shoving a slice of pizza down my face at the end of the day.

[Discussion] DAE get really anxious when they see other people eat high calorie foods?
/u/laurenmini2 [5'4 | CW 129 | BMI 22.14 | GW 105 | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 18:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87wu8d/dae_get_really_anxious_when_they_see_other_people/
For example, I'm fasting today so I was out driving around to distract myself and I drove by a Dairy Queen. Outside I saw someone eating a blizzard and a meal and I started to have a panic attack because I was just imagining eating it. And knowing how many calories are in all that, I freaked out.

[Rant/Rave] dae's ED kind of thrive on lack of male attention
Created: Wed Mar 28 17:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87wslt/daes_ed_kind_of_thrive_on_lack_of_male_attention/

[Discussion] Smoking /only/ to manage those extreme cravings?
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Wed Mar 28 17:30:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87wm2y/smoking_only_to_manage_those_extreme_cravings/
I know this a controversial topic but I would genuinely appreciate any honest and helpful feedback.

Occasionally I smoke, only really when I'm especially stressed or drinking with friends, yes I know it's a very bad habit and I fully do not intend to make it part of my daily life, I don't have the money for starters.

I see it as an indulgence not a vice for me personally (although I'm not naïve to think it couldn't be more that if I let it), I buy not even a pack a month, I'd consider myself a 'social smoker' and if I don't have cigrattes on hand I do not tend to even think about them.

I do however, find binge urges extremely distressing to the point it's effecting my wellbeing that I would be willing to make the sacrifice of being affected by more intentionally occasionally smoking, what I've recently noticed is that when I'm feeling these intense almost panic inducing feelings, a loss of control, extreme cravings and anxiety, smoking a cigarette will help. I have done this only three times in total and each time it prevented me BPing.

Again, I do not intend to smoke more than I already do, not do I care to give it up completly. Just occasional, spaced out times. to keep that massive anxiety at bay. It's not a *good* idea I know but purging daily is far worse for me than smoking for stress release a couple of times a week or even month, and at the moment I need to put my mental well-being first.

**I would like to stress that I am not talking about smoking as a means of ignoring hunger but managing the more intense urges to binge and purge which I have done for years now.**

Has anyone had any experience with this? Again, I'm aware of the consequences of cigrattes however I feel my current method of *dealing* with these urges is both far more distressing and detrimental to my health in the long run. I'd really like to hear anyone's experiences with this.

[Other] I’m tired.
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’11” | 140 | | 75| Gender]
Created: Wed Mar 28 17:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87wkre/im_tired/
I posted before here talking about my physical health issues as well as mental, and today it just hit me really hard...I woke up and went to the gym and met with my personal trainer and nutritionist for the first time. I was really excited to start eating healthy and strength training, and I went for a walk and it was nice outside and I saw a bunch of flowers and I thought I was doing well.

And then...like what happens every night, happened. I started to feel a bit sick and had uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting. I’ve seen 2 GI doctors and I’m on 2 meds for it but nothing has worked. I was so excited earlier because since my hysterectomy, that area of pain has been completely gone and I was excited to start working out again and eating healthy...but then I was reminded that I’m not. I’m not healthy. I’m going to call a different doctor tomorrow and maybe they’ll give a shit and maybe they’ll help, but I’m scared they won’t, again. I hate this...restricting is one thing but the relentless nausea...it’s absolutely horrible. I’d rather be in pain. Some days I can throw up everything and there’s nothing left but acid but I just dry heave and dry heave and can’t stop. And then I’m dismissed or told well at least it’s gotten better but there are still days where I can’t eat anything, there are still days where I can only eat breakfast, there are still days where I’m shitting 8+ times and then for 4 days I can’t at all...I feel like I have to be emaciated for them to care. I have actually considered starving myself not because of the ED but simply because I need medical care and they don’t view it as serious even when I’m underweight. I know it’s super easy to say “well find another doctor” and I will trust me, but it’s also fucking terrifying to be living inside of my body right now and to feel like no one wants/cares enough to help me. To feel so out of control. It’s been over a year of this. But because I can keep some things down some days, and I’m not at death’s door, it doesn’t seem important enough. How low will my weight have to go for them to take notice? 130? 120? 110? But I’m scared of the damage that will do to my body...I genuinely want to be healthy which is why I’m trying, why I’ve had an endoscopy and colonoscopy and tried 2 acid blockers and am now on an ulcer medicine. It’s just...nothing’s working.

[Other] Anyone who does EC stack I have a quick question!
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Wed Mar 28 15:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87vtyn/anyone_who_does_ec_stack_i_have_a_quick_question/
So I live in the states and just started doing EC stack a little over a week ago and I LOVE what it does to suppress my appetite.

I know there is usually a formula to follow but my life is way to hectic. I have been using two Bronkaid tablets a day, sometimes the whole tablet (twice a day) other times splitting them in half throughout the day. Pretty much as needed and it works like a charm. I will do tolerance breaks as well.

So the question. How often can you purchase Bronkaid?

I do have mild asthma so I don't feel that suspicious and it has also helped me with that. The packaging seems to say about 4 pills a day is okay and I am going to take two. Would it be considered appropriate to purchase more when it runs out? I just know they put my license down for obvious reasons, but that seems like an okay time period? I am just a crazy person and want someone to validate yes or no lololol.

Thanks guys!

[Discussion] Thoughts on fruit 🍇 I’m scared to eat it
Created: Wed Mar 28 15:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87vtst/thoughts_on_fruit_im_scared_to_eat_it/
Hi everyone. So I use to think fruit was a “free food”, not very calorie dense as you know. Over the past year, I’ve tried different diets, Atkins, now Keto, and fruit is restricted because of the sugar in it.

I’m now deathly afraid to eat fruit... maybe a couple grapes now and then or a few blueberries...

Do you all eat fruit? What are your thoughts about the sugar content?

Also afraid to eat carrots, tomatoes, cheese

[Rant/Rave] I was almost free
Created: Wed Mar 28 15:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87vr5p/i_was_almost_free/
So, for the last few months I had been going through recovery. My hair had been falling out and I was just so weak that I gave up and started eating again. But I went vegan to basically keep restricting...

...and then last week I read that ~200 calories a day is the difference between a healthy weight and being overweight. I have never felt so horrified. I was reminded every single calorie counts. Every one. And now I cannot stop counting. I cannot stop doing 23 hour fasts (I have to have dinner) and eating once per day so my bf doesn't think I am weird. I am back... and it feels good. Here we go again.

[Help] Weigh less but still look the same/fat?
Created: Wed Mar 28 15:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87vng9/weigh_less_but_still_look_the_samefat/

[Rant/Rave] I am so sad today
Created: Wed Mar 28 14:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87vefp/i_am_so_sad_today/
Kinda ED related.

Been talking to a guy who’s super cool and he seemed super into me and know it’s like his vibe completely switched. I can feel a ghosting coming on and I just wanna dieeeeee. Normally it took a little will power to restrict, and now I just feel like, fuck it. A few chunks of honeydew is 100% enough food. Maybe if I wasn’t so fat he wouldn’t ghost me. Or maybe if I was even mildly interesting he’d like me. But he’s young. I have a kid. He’s probably not ready for that. I can’t just hang out whenever. There’s like 1000 reasons not to like me. I can’t think of one reason why someone should like me. I don’t even deserve to eat. Why. What’s the point. But also I’m on my period so maybe none of this is real? I legit just wanna curl up on my fucking couch for the next ten years.

[Rant/Rave] Cliched "I'm going out to eat but I don't want to eat because I hate myself" post
Created: Wed Mar 28 14:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87va06/cliched_im_going_out_to_eat_but_i_dont_want_to/
I've been having one of those crap days. I've taken my ephedrine but still feel sluggish and dead. Like my body's sitting 3 feet away from me and I don't want it or to be any part of it. It's my day off and I accidentally slept in so whats even the point.

Depression aside my girlfriends parents are being kind enough to take us to some comedy show and for dinner. I would much rather stay at home and maybe find something to cheer me up but I appreciate the effort.

I'm obsessing over this stupid restaurant.

1) it's a bar and I don't want to drink because beer is too tasty and I love it and I hate myself

2) bar food, I've been there before and it's just bad. I don't want to eat food that doesn't taste good, what's even the point.

3) I can't not eat because frankly her family are all huge and the concept of skipping a meal is insane to them even if they believed I ate before or something.

4) if I do order a salad or something small equal freak out and more comments about how I eat. Yay

5) they spell avocado wrong in their menu.

6) it's before and event and it's across the street so the place is going to be packed and loud and we probably won't even get a table which I don't care about, but I know is just going to get them so frustrated and angry and they'll be all flustered and I hate that.

7) the art on the walls is awful. It's hotel art. I hate hotel art

8) my girlfriend is angry at them for not giving us a ride even though I said I would drive and they don't have room in their car.

9) her family all love hugs. I hate hugs.

10) they are uncomfortably nice. Like to the point where it's undeserved and uncomfortable. Like if they brush your arm it's 10 minutes of apologies and it's so frustrating but you can't say anything.

11) they brought us back "gifts" from their trip. Again super nice of them to think of us but I don't like presents and it'll either be junk food from the US which y'all get. Or stupid things I don't need or want or would just take up space. I just wish they would save their money on things they want not things I didn't ask for or need and have to pretend to love which I suck at.

In short I'm a whinny asshole and I wish I could just be normal and enjoy normal things.

[Other] i feel so much prettier on an empty stomach
Created: Wed Mar 28 13:45:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87uwyn/i_feel_so_much_prettier_on_an_empty_stomach/

[Other] found another great british tv show on obesity
/u/honeydewlittle [5'7" | CW: 124,8lb]
Created: Wed Mar 28 13:31:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87usxm/found_another_great_british_tv_show_on_obesity/
So I know I‘m not the only one who loves those kind of shows, like Supersize vs Superskinny and My 600lb Life...

I watch them all the time, for motivation, to keep myself from binging and just to generally keep myself on track when restricting.

I just found a new show that focuses more on the medical side (effects) of obesity and I frickin love it! It‘s called DOCS: Weight Loss Ward and is available on YouTube.

Hope you‘ll be able to enjoy it as much as I‘m doing right now.

[Rant/Rave] I don't really even know what's wrong with me
Created: Wed Mar 28 12:52:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87uhv4/i_dont_really_even_know_whats_wrong_with_me/
Really I know I have an ED but have no damn clue what it is. Basically I eat so so much for a week like binging and then all of a sudden it hits me what I've done and I think " oh shit I have to starve now.". So I do for like a week and then I realize I can't starve forever so I do it all again. It's so shitty. Even when I try my hardest to eat normally I can't. Not to mention I'm the heaviest in my house but everyone around me calls themselves fat while eating healthily and working out like normal people. Idk if I make any sense because I'm just in a piss mood and ranting, but yeah. That's how things are atm.

[Rant/Rave] New foods to try?
Created: Wed Mar 28 12:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87uh3x/new_foods_to_try/

[Rant/Rave] Food at work is going to be the death of me.
/u/vucio72 [5'1 | cw: 139 | gw1: 120 | -14 | f]
Created: Wed Mar 28 12:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87u5dh/food_at_work_is_going_to_be_the_death_of_me/
I used to be thin, back in high school. It wasn't even a thing, it took no effort, I was just tiny and I ran track. I got to college and ballooned from 105lbs up to 153 (probably higher but I stopped weighing myself for a year), stopped running, and now I'm covered in stretch marks on my huge, jiggly thighs, butt, and love handles and I hate it.

So this year I decided to get my life back on track, since I'm taking time off to work before I apply to medical school because what med school would accept a fat slob like me? I've been working so hard and my friends, family, and boyfriend are all so supportive; they think it's funny or cute when I weigh my food out on my mom's old food scale. But at work, I can't escape the food. Huge buffets every Wednesday, $20 for lunch on Mondays that everyone at work brags about using to its fullest extent and getting the most food. I've been trying to stay under 1200 cals, and my goal on MFP is really set to 900, just so that I have a more serious goal and some wiggle room for when I occasionally fail. I had so carefully planned out what I could eat, since I read the Monday newsletter. I could have a small bit of rice pudding, some tandoori chicken, some dum aloo kashmiri, and some shrimp vindaloo. I caved and had a piece of naan too. I fit it all on one plate, all with what I thought were small, reasonable portions, and did my best to estimate it, but then when I logged it afterwards, it came out to 700 cals!

I'm just... I don't know. This weekend is my birthday and Easter and I was doing so well and being so good all week and now I'm crushed and don't know what to do and am just overwhelmed and last weekend I gained a pound and just got back down to 139 again and I didn't really think I had an eating disorder because I still give myself room to eat "normally" on weekends but I just feel so incredibly anxious about all of this. I'm probably not going to eat a usual dinner - I know I can make it through the rest of the day, eat 100 cals and go to sleep, but I'm just so frustrated with myself and I want to fit in my old clothes and wear crop tops and I hate this and I can't tell any of my support structure how absolutely awful I feel about my stupid stomach and my enormous thighs because they all tell me "oh no, you don't look fat at all! You're sexy, you're beautiful, you're cute-thicc".

I didn't even exercise this morning, and I get out of work super, super late, so it's not like I can work out when I get home either. I hate this.

Thanks for listening.

[Discussion] Fresca, spitz, and cigarettes
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 11:30:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87tstp/fresca_spitz_and_cigarettes/

[Discussion] DAE use their period as an excuse to eat more?
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.8 | 18.92 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Wed Mar 28 11:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87tq0o/dae_use_their_period_as_an_excuse_to_eat_more/
CW: menstruation

As a person who menstruates, I get debilitating cramps and cravings that my brain convinces me that “eat a giant hot fudge sundae and fries and you won’t feel pain anymore”. Certain foods literally help my mood and cramps but around my period I get the mindset “it’s all bloating and water weight, I can eat gross for a few days and then purge/restrict for the next three weeks”. My calorie count is typically no higher than 500 but it’s barley the afternoon where I am and I’m already over that.

[Other] why do some users here take laxatives?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 164.4 | -30.6]
Created: Wed Mar 28 10:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87tflb/why_do_some_users_here_take_laxatives/

[Rant/Rave] I am so conflicting.
/u/luxiocharms [5'2"| 113lbs |F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 10:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87tey7/i_am_so_conflicting/
“Maybe I do have an ED” I say to myself, as I plan out my 24 hour fasts for the week, plan my social outings around my laxative dosages, and think about my body, my food, my image hours on end.
Yet, there are so many moments when I almost feel normal.
Last night, before I was alone with my thoughts, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend’s family and had a meal. I didn’t obsess over my calories, at least until I got home and ate some honey nut Cheerios like a pig. For a whole two hours, I felt like a healthy teenage girl. How could I have a disorder when I ate normally for a whole entire day?
Then I got today. Then I thought about my past. Living on edge constantly because my IBS makes me pudgy, because I’m terrified of being fat like my family, because I am so out of control in my life I crave to control something, anything.

Concurrently, while aware of my actions, I don’t want to stop. I want to be muscular and skinny and love how I look on a random Wednesday afternoons. I don’t want to tell anyone I know because they will look at me with pity. I want to keep this control in the palm of my hand. I feel so alone, but also like a faker because it’s my little secret. I want to mentally be better, but I don’t want to give up the confidence that comes with my stomach being flat.

[Discussion] Dehydration messing with scales?
/u/Boringfantasyland [Height:164cm | CW:lbs | BMI:Gender:M]
Created: Wed Mar 28 10:24:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87t98q/dehydration_messing_with_scales/
Need advice here from fellow bulimics. Got down to a underweight bmi via restriction. Since then I've gained weight. But I'm still b/p. Now the scale says I'm still that underweight bmi but I'm not. (Ribcage disappeared, barely visible collar bones.) Can dehydration account for 10-15 pounds on the scale? I'm trying to recover. So should I expect a change in scale numbers due to rehydration.

[Help] Laxative question - please help, freaking out!
/u/rnyth [5'6 | CW: <113 lbs | GW: 99 lbs | BMI: <18 | F 24]
Created: Wed Mar 28 10:19:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87t7wm/laxative_question_please_help_freaking_out/
I just took two Ducolax for the first time because I freaked out after my GP weighed me. I've never taken any laxatives before in all my 10 years of having an ED. I know all the dangers of it - I really won't do it again, so please don't warn me about it.

Anyway, the problem: tomorrow night is a really important night for me and I'd be really distressed if my stomach didn't look flat. Will these laxatives I took this afternoon bloat me? Is there any advice you can give to keep my stomach looking flat? I've eaten under 1000kcals total the past two days FYI, rice, bananas and apples and drinking tea and water.

Please help, I'm really freaking out and upset! ): Sorry, I know this sounds really trivial...

this diet tracking tooth censor is everything I, and probably most of you guys, have ever wanted
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 10:04:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87t30x/this_diet_tracking_tooth_censor_is_everything_i/

[Discussion] Does anyone have nostalgic ED foods too?
/u/jasper1796 [5'5 | CW: 112 | 18.6 | GW: 102 ]
Created: Wed Mar 28 09:39:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87svxs/does_anyone_have_nostalgic_ed_foods_too/
When I was 15 and the whole restriction thing started, it was semi accidental because I was just trying to eat "healthier" so I would eat basically only fruits and salads.

Me and my mom used to go grocery shopping every Tuesday and pick up a load of fruit, including this container of cantaloupe, honeydew, and pineapple that the grocery store always had. It was always pre portioned for it to last the week for school lunches. Then, every night I would slice those chunks of fruit up even smaller, add some apple slices and kiwi, maybe grapes or pear, and put it in tupperware for my school lunch the next day. I did this pretty much my entire grade 10 year, and this was also when I was at my LW.

Fast forward to yesterday, I decided to go to that same grocery chain instead of the one I usually go to because they have more variety. Low and behold I see the pre portioned cantaloupe, honeydew, and pineapple. In retrospect, it's more expensive than just buying the fruits and cutting them up myself, but something about it made me really want to buy it.

Just then I had my lunch of those fruits cut up smaller with apple slices and I swear it felt like I was 15 again. Super strange feeling, but it almost motivates me to keep doing this because I know it worked before. Weird how food can make you feel so nostalgic.

Anyone else have food like this?

TL;DR: I had my old restriction lunch from high school and it made me feel incredibly nostalgic.

[Help] What percentage of intake do you expect to lose by purging
Created: Wed Mar 28 08:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87shxr/what_percentage_of_intake_do_you_expect_to_lose/

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else just lose their shit when things don't go to plan??
/u/toselx [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Wed Mar 28 08:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87sahl/anyone_else_just_lose_their_shit_when_things_dont/
On Tuesday I was at uni and I was craving a banh mi (aka viet roll) so I decided to text my mum to buy me one since she was out, so I could go home and have that for lunch. I had been restricting so well the past few days and I haven't had a banh mi for ages, so I was anticipating eating this sandwich for the whole day. So anyway, I got home and it turns out my mum didn't end up getting banh mi because she thought I meant BANANAS??!?! I was so upset cos how the fuck could you have misinterpreted that? Like even if the word wasn't in your vocabulary why wouldn't you ask me to clarify?

My mum did apologise and I said it was okay but I was so pissed cos I was thinking about this the entire day. And since I didn't have anything to eat and that totally fucked up my plans, I ended up raiding the pantry and binged after literally 3 weeks of not binging. And then I binged all day today as well. I feel so shit and I'm still so pissed off at my mum even though I know I shouldn't be. I stepped on the scale and I've gained back all the weight I've lost from restricting the past few weeks. All because I didn't get my fucking viet roll.

[Intro] Hello everyone!
Created: Wed Mar 28 08:18:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87s92s/hello_everyone/
I've been lurking for a minute now and thought it was time to say hello. I've had ED for about 6 years now (I'm 22), but in a lot of ways I feel it's always been with me. It's very much tied to my bi-polar. When I'm manic I tend to binge, I feel like nothing I do will have consequences including my eating. Right now I'm in a minor depressive episode which allows me to restrict. This morning I was 159.6lbs, down from my highest at around 225 a few years ago. Seven of those pounds I lost in the last four days when I began my current restriction cycle. I don't necessarily have a goal weight. It was 155 but now that I'm almost there I'm not satisfied. I tried to write up a post about my main trigger yesterday, comparing myself to partners, but it got flagged (boo). I am a lesbian and the bodies of the women I'm with are a huge motivator for me, like living thinspo. It's gotten pretty unhealthy for my relationships, and I sometimes wonder if I'm attracted to a girl ONLY because she's thin. That is the one aspect of my ED that I really do want to work on now. I know the next few days will be tough because I always lose a lot right off the bat then it plateaus once my body realizes what I'm up to. I'm so number motivated, the scale is god I swear. I weigh myself like 5 times a day. I try to keep around 200 solid calories a day + alcohol which is around 240 lately. Cigarettes and weed are fair game :) Anyway, feel free to reach out, I'm nice I promise!

[Tip] Discovered an awesome low calorie snack and had to share!
/u/fieryanxiety [5'7" | CW 119 | BMI 19| HW 159 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Mar 28 07:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87rua3/discovered_an_awesome_low_calorie_snack_and_had/
So I know this is a low quality post but it makes me happy. So Oskar Mayer deli meat is super low cal. What I've been doing is buying that (turkey or chicken) and large pieces of romaine lettuce. Take one piece and roll it up in the lettuce and it's so satisfying! Salty and crunchy. It averages about 10 calories each. So I just had two of them and a pickle. A 25 calorie breakfast and I feel full. I just had to tell you guys because it's such an easy snack to help you through while restricting!

[Help] Help with lightheadedness and weakness while restricting
Created: Wed Mar 28 06:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87rnss/help_with_lightheadedness_and_weakness_while/
New here. So, I've been relapsing for the past 4 weeks after being recovered for about 2 years. Started as me trying to lose weight healthily (eating about 1000-1200 calories per day) and it just deteriorated rapidly, and now I'm on 150-350 calories per day and haven't been binging at all. Fun. My weight's dropped relatively significantly, but I'm still a healthy BMI. I felt fine until yesterday, but now I feel extremely lightheaded and weak, and I'm getting really bad head-rushes whenever I stand. I'm trying to complete my masters degree and I really need to get to the library this week to get an essay done but right now I feel like I can't even get out of bed. I think I used to just push through that, but maybe I have less willpower now. Idk, I'm such a failure.

Is there anything anybody's done that helps this? I don't really want to increase my calorie intake because then I'll just be so anxious that I won't be productive anyway.

[Help] Outpatient NG tube feeds?
Created: Wed Mar 28 06:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87rkzs/outpatient_ng_tube_feeds/
Tl;dr: I've been maintaining a BMI of 16.97 for the past month, it's getting really obsessive and difficult to plan meals, and I want a break without going back to IP or residential, so I'm considering talking to my PCP and outpatient team about tube feeds to help me keep up maintenance. Any thoughts or advice?

Without details of all the panic attacks and crying episodes, I'm at my lowest weight (fluctuates around 89.8 lbs and I'm 5'1) and I've been maintaining for the past month. It's been getting really hard recently - my headspace is completely occupied with thoughts of when and what and how much and if I'm gonna eat and I spend an absurd amount of time meticulously planning my intake. It's obsessive and it's getting exhausting, and I feel like giving up and just going back to restricting and purging into oblivion, but I don't want to physically deteriorate.

So I'm considering relying partially on tube feeds to help me maintain my weight for a while (or even gain a tiny bit, whatever). The physical act of eating is just so hard right now and the planning that goes into it is so obsessive and ridiculous and my mind needs a break.
Have any of y'all done tube feeds outpatient? Was it helpful?

I'm not willing to go back to treatment, as my physical health is okay right now and I don't believe in their treatment philosophies (treatment centers always set my target weight too high and I know from experience that overshooting my weight always leads me to relapse hard). I personally think IP/res is helpful only if you're motivated to get better *their way* OR if you're actually dying or physically/mentally in a crisis and need to be kept safe. Since neither situations apply to me, going back to IP/res isn't an option, which is why I'm considering outpatient tube feeds to help me maintain or slowly gain at a rate that feels comfortable to me.

Since I'm struggling so much right now, I think an NG tube could be helpful to prevent total relapse back into disordered behavior and keep me from losing more weight.

Is this a totally ridiculous idea? Do you think it's worth trying out? Please share any experiences you have with NG tubes and let me know your thoughts!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 28, 2018
Created: Wed Mar 28 06:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87re1z/daily_food_diary_march_28_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 28, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 28, 2018
Created: Wed Mar 28 06:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87rdoh/way_to_go_wednesday_march_28_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for March 28, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Help] Adhd meds and weightloss
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 05:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87r93d/adhd_meds_and_weightloss/
I started on ADHD meds 2 months ago which was a little after i began to relapse. Im worried when i go in for my next prescription the weightloss will mean i wont get the meds, or at the very least theyll monitor me more closely (my ed history is in my records)

Im not asking for tips, i know theres plently of ways to hide weightloss, i guess im just wondering if i should?

[Rant/Rave] F*ck Easter.
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 94 | 17.9 | GW: 92]
Created: Wed Mar 28 05:43:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87r7u4/fck_easter/
Easter makes me feel so anxious. I wish I could be a normal person and look forward to a weekend dedicated to eating chocolate but instead it puts me on edge for weeks, having mountains of chocolate staring me in the face every day and having to factor in the chocolate to my eating plan for the next month. When people gift me eggs I feel so terrible that somebody has spent a ton of money buying me something thinking i'll love it when in reality it's the worst thing they ever could've done. I feel too guilty to throw it away but even more guilty if i eat it (and i will eat it, and binge on it, because I have 0 self control when it comes to chocolate)

My parents just sent me a giant 1000 calorie cadburys easter egg in the mail with 2 sharing chocolate bars, i'm in a low period of depression atm so this is potentially very, very dangerous. I've told them so many times not to buy me chocolate, but they just shake it off thinking i'm on a health kick or trying a new diet. Their intentions are 1000% in the right place which is what makes it hurt the most.

Just... yeah, fuck Easter.

[Discussion] DAE hates being interrupted while eating?
Created: Wed Mar 28 05:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87r49n/dae_hates_being_interrupted_while_eating/
I'm somewhat ok for eating around some people if I'm mentally prepared enough for it or drunk. However, once I start eating I get so absorbed into it (be it a nice small cal meal or a binge) that I hate when people comment on it or try to start talking to me in the midst of eating. The worst is when my mother walks into my room/the kitchen while I'm eating (i'm over 20 but still live with her). It doesnt matter if it's a binge or safe food, it's *my* moment, if you disturb it, I'll be upset.

(tag this as Discussion idk how to properly do it)

[Help] Bronkaid at almost 300lbs?
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 298.4 | Goal: 270 | 46.7 | 0 | F ]
Created: Wed Mar 28 03:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87qnrg/bronkaid_at_almost_300lbs/

[Discussion] Diet Coke reality check: does drinking diet soda pose any risk to people who are otherwise healthy?
/u/happymasq [5'6'' | CW 109 | BMI 16.89 | 26F]
Created: Wed Mar 28 03:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87qmdx/diet_coke_reality_check_does_drinking_diet_soda/
Most of the articles I've read on the health risks of drinking diet soda center on the supposed link between diet soda and obesity-related ailments like diabetes, heart disease, etc. As [the researcher behind this study](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/drinking-diet-soda-raise-risk-stroke-2017073112109) says, that could be a case of reverse causation:

> Diet beverages may have shown a link to stroke because of a different issue, called reverse causation. In an attempt to be healthier, people who are overweight or have diabetes may be more likely to choose diet drinks over sugary ones. Their heightened stroke risk may result from their health problems rather than their beverage choice. “We might just be measuring the residual impact of obesity and diabetes,” says Dr. Rexrode.

Assuming this is correct, does drinking diet soda pose any risk to people who are otherwise fit and healthy? I'll take anecdotal evidence as well.

I ask because diet soda is basically my one and only indulgence these days. Ever since I quit drinking alcohol, I've taken to drinking between 3 and 4 cans of diet soda every day. Sometimes, I worry this will come back to bite me in the ass. But aside from that, my diet and lifestyle is pretty good atm. 2200 calories a day consisting of lots of eggs, fresh fruit and veggies, and no-sugar-added nut butters. I also hit the gym 5 to 6 days a week.

And yeah, I realize the futility of worrying about this when my disordered eating probably does far more harm to my body than soda ever will. But you guys always have interesting thoughts and I wanted to hear your take on this.

[Intro] I've wasted the last six months of actual and potential progress
/u/lavendersmoke [5'5" | CW idk man | GW 115 | UGW 105 | F21]
Created: Wed Mar 28 03:17:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87qhq1/ive_wasted_the_last_six_months_of_actual_and/
Two years ago I was at one of my lowest adult weights, I liked how I looked and I was happy with it. But then I got into a relationship, back into eating/binging and ballooned up to aprox 140 lbs.

Six months ago I finally got down to 127 lbs by accident and as easily as I lost the weight, I put it back on. I've spent the last while repeatedly bouncing between 132 - 143 and it's fucking awful. I'm so upset and tired of this. I know it's because I get lazy or I accept food in social situations but I'm just so tired.

I leave for a three month Europe trip in two weeks and I'm currently sitting around 135. I really wanted to be at least 125 lbs if not my GW of 115 or 110. I had months to prepare and I fucked it all up. I've known of this trip since January and would have had an entire, generous three months to prepare but instead I kept fucking around. I even had another trip last November that I was supposed to be prepared for but again, I fucked that as well.

I'm so fucking upset and just spent the last hour driving and sobbing in my car. To make things even worse, my face has broken out more horribly than it has in weeks or probably months. I'm chubby, my skin is disgusting and I just feel so ugly. Plus earlier today I got into a lowkey argument with my closest friend regarding my size and it just made me feel even worse knowing that she thought I wear a size 8 when I'm actually a 4 and have never fit anything bigger than a 4. I didn't think I looked that big.

I just needed to get this all out. TLDR; I'm a time-wasting idiot

[Rant/Rave] i feel like actual trash cause all i’ve done is binge the past few days
Created: Wed Mar 28 01:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87pvz6/i_feel_like_actual_trash_cause_all_ive_done_is/

[Help] Sensitivity to heat?
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | ~118 lbs | F 🍑 PandaTheBear]
Created: Wed Mar 28 00:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87pn05/sensitivity_to_heat/
Normally I'm cold, always covering up to stay warm. Today I am really hot, sweating like crazy, especially my palms. Wearing a tshirt and shorts and it's supposedly a really cold night as always. Never had this, anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] i'll eat tomorrow but i'm not thin.
/u/illendmylife [114lbs | gw 100lbs | f]
Created: Tue Mar 27 23:42:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87phv8/ill_eat_tomorrow_but_im_not_thin/
i'm not thin anymore. i wasn't ever thin either. i'm "underweight"" but i'm a normal weight. except everyone SAYS i'm thin but i'm really not. i hate when they tell me i'm thin. i have friends who are the same height and smaller than me.. they claim they don't have an ED and that makes me feel worse because i'm miserable and i'm so scared of gaining weight and it seems like they don't even care but they're still lighter. am i really that pathetic?? i'm so pathetic i wish i'd kill myself. i don't want to eat. i never want to eat. i wish i would die. i hate being alive.
i couldn't take in voicechat today with an online friend because i purged too much today and my throat was sore and i'm self conscious about my voice. but i agree'd i'd get a pizza tomorrow and eat it because he said i'm really thin and i should gain some weight.. and i said ok. because honestly i'm a piece of shit and that pizza sounds so tasty and i want to cry. i don't want to purge anymore. every time i eat i want to purge or i do purge. i purge almost every time now. i hate myself. i don't even look good losing weight. the weight doesn't matter. i look bad no matter what i just want to feel like i'm accomplishing something. i'm bad at everything in my life. my life is pointless. i feel good when i lose weight. i don't know. i'm so pathetic. i'm going to eat that pizza tomorrow and i won't let myself purge it but like haha why even bring it up. i'm not thin and i never will be. i want to kill myself. thinking about eating makes me shake. i hate food. i wish i was dead

[Help] Am I anorexic?
Created: Tue Mar 27 23:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87phtj/am_i_anorexic/
I've been afraid to say anything about this on here because of the whole "post history" thing and I don't want to be judged in other subs, but I honestly need your feedback about my situation.

I am 21, 5'0" and 103lbs. I was 90lbs before I had my son two years ago. I gained 60lbs with the pregnancy and I managed to lose all of it but I don't know how. I do have very severe PTSD and Major Depression Disorder on top of chronic pain.

I guess after watching countless videos of Eugenia Cooney on YouTube, I started to wonder if I was also anorexic. (I guess she hasn't said she has anorexia specifically, but has recently admitted to having an eating disorder in a roundabout way on a YouNow clip.) I have seen the comments she gets and have been on both sides of the fence with my opinion on her. I really can't believe how different she looks now compared to her older videos from like 2013. Her face is thinner, her bones more noticeable and the color has faded from her skin. I then remembered that I've heard a lot of comments in the past year or so that were pointing out the same things I just noticed about Eugenia's changes.

"Your face has gotten a lot thinner since I last saw you!"
"You need to get some sun! You're too pale."
"You look sick. Are you feeling alright?"
"You should really have a piece of cake. You're just skin and bones, anyway."

All these memories flooding back (*ptsd*) throughout the last few years has really got me wondering if there is more to my condition than just depression. Of course, depression can cause loss of appetite and I know many people struggle with that symptom as well. I see how my husband handles his depression by binging. It makes me lose my already miniscule appetite to watch him eat. He's a gorgeous man, very muscular and not overweight from fat. He's overweight from muscle if that makes sense. Big big dude. He eats like a sow. It's gross. Very repulsive.

Food... I don't really have a favorite anymore. It was pizza and sushi. Now, I am fine with a glass of water or cup of coffee instead. I caught myself body-checking in the mirror before a shower the other day. I get dizzy because I can't force myself to eat. I keep smoking cigarettes and drinking more and more coffee until I start to tremble and feel nauseous. Then feeling nauseous makes me want to sleep. The more I sleep and avoid the kitchen, the less food I eat. I often try to get out of dinner by using my chronic pain as an excuse not to eat at the same time as my husband or son. I prepare meals fairly often for them and I still have very little desire to eat them.

Today, I had a banana for breakfast and some steamed veggies for dinner. All I could think about was oreos but the thought of actually having them in my stomach made me nauseous. No, I'm not pregnant again. I checked. Four times. All negative. But where is Aunt Flo? I haven't seen her for quite some time. I don't miss my periods, but I'm concerned about my health if she isn't showing up as usual.

What do you think? Is this typical for ED patients? Am I just too depressed? Why am I like this...?

[Rant/Rave] What kind of Professor is so fucking stupid that they have an ED
Created: Tue Mar 27 23:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87pgiv/what_kind_of_professor_is_so_fucking_stupid_that/

[Rant/Rave] My rival is better than me at everything.....including being mentally ill
Created: Tue Mar 27 23:28:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87pfe0/my_rival_is_better_than_me_at_everythingincluding/
So there’s this girl I’ve known since kindergarten who I’ve competed with over everything. Same school plays, same scholastic competitions, same classes...... even once I switched high schools, our parents were still friends and compared colleges, boyfriends, jobs......etc
Our names are even similar (like the difference between Leah and Leia similar) and people always called me by her name. I’ll call her Leah for this story.
To top it off, she’s always been super tiny. She’s like 5 foot nothing and soooo slim. Like I have looked at her picture while making myself vomit before as goals/self hatred.

Well my mom was telling Leah she developed an eating distorted after being left by her abusive ex a few months ago. (This is the same reason mine redeveloped a few years ago.). Leah’s mom is super worried about her and my mom described in graphic detail how tiny Leah has gotten.
My mom sort of commented “oh Leah is so assertive, I can’t imagine her being abused” and I said “yeah I relate” with actual real empathy. And she said “well your abuse wasn’t an ongoing thing though.”
Yes, it was, but when I told her that she sighed and rolled her eyes as if I was trying to make it about me......and then continued talking about how ~perfectly~ thin and bony Leah was when she last saw her.

And ughhhhhhhhh........I’m so jealous
Leah lost a ton of weight in a few months because she actually has the strength/resilience to restrict where I restrict a lot but end up binge/purging myself to an odd bloated shape.
I know it’s so stupid/bitchy to be jealous of this poor girl’s horrible situation, but I can’t help feeling like she’s better than me yet again

And now I feel like if I ever do tell my mother about my ED she’ll never believe me because she’ll think I’m copying Leah. And maybe she won’t believe me because I’m not as skinny as she is.
Even I kind of feel like a fraud because I’m not super skinny.......

I’m trying not to let this trigger me into competitively restricting or purging......I’m really trying. One thing that sort of helps is I’m at home on vacation so my parents see what I eat for the next week. But it will be nice to get home and away from my mother telling me just how prominent Leah’s collarbones are......

Thanks for understanding guys, I’m pretty sure anyone else would think I’m nuts/a bitch.

[Discussion] Dumbest thing that has ever triggered/motivated you?
/u/denimlemonade [5'4" | CW 154.8 | 27.1 | GW 110 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 22:59:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87pa5j/dumbest_thing_that_has_ever_triggeredmotivated_you/
I just saw an M&M ad structured like a dating profile in which one of the female M&Ms lists her weight as "lower than my IQ."

I don't even know my own IQ and I still want that. From an ad for M&Ms.

So tell me all the weird dumb little things that hit you harder than they should!

[Goal] Goals ⭐️
Created: Tue Mar 27 22:45:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87p7h3/goals/
I was going to wait til the end of the week but I can’t (hmm, it’s like impatience and impulsiveness have something to do with being here 😬)

Anyone want to share some goals, and update them in a week? (I could tag?) Not sure how mods/admins would feel, but as long as they’re non-ED or at least harm reduction goals, surely it’s okay? I promise you’ll be met with profanity-laden enthusiasm!


* get assignment in on time. ED has been too distracting lately but it’s a tiny assignment and I need to fucking get it done 🤓

* daily sexy times. I’ve been too distracted and unwell for a few weeks. I haven’t even been listening properly to my partner - let alone getting jiggy. We usually average more than 7 times/week so yeah... Happy fucking Easter to me 😍

* No restricting, binging, or purging. It’s an intense goal but I need to chill at maintenance for another 3 weeks. I’m “allowed” to relapse if I absolutely can’t handle it, but not for another 3 weeks. I’ve got over the initial 2lb food weight gain, I have to see this through. Its fucking scary and unpleasant but calories within 200 of TDEE 📝

Please flair discussion.

[Rant/Rave] why am i so fat lol + me being a shit
Created: Tue Mar 27 22:42:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87p72m/why_am_i_so_fat_lol_me_being_a_shit/

[Discussion] Does anyone here get heart palpitations?
Created: Tue Mar 27 22:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87p5wa/does_anyone_here_get_heart_palpitations/

[Rant/Rave] The aspect of “control”
Created: Tue Mar 27 22:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87p240/the_aspect_of_control/
Ever since I can remember I have heard people explain the reasoning behind eating disorders as the person wanting to feel in control. And I never fully understood it until one day not too long ago I thought “oh, that’s me.” I figured it was like a girl having a lot of problems in one separate aspect of life and restricting to feel in control of *something*. It wasn’t until I started fasting that I realized how good it feels to be in control of *food* and everything surrounding it. It feels great not to gorge myself. It feels amazing to reach for a bag of chips and then think twice. It feels even better when I have the discipline not to reach for them at all. It feels incredibly good to not eat. When I’m fasting, after a certain point, I just feel euphoric. I feel sexy, almost reckless. I’m the pretty girl, I’m losing weight. And obviously binging makes me feel out of control because... I am. I can’t stop myself from reaching for more. And when I do it’s incredibly hard. My entire day revolves around what I’ll eat and when, and how much I’ll exercise tonight to be sure I can burn off that spoonful of cottage cheese. Just feeling food in my stomach disappoints me, even if it’s because I licked the flavoring off a fucking wheat thin. But I’d rather obsess over what I eat than binge and be fine with it. When I don’t eat I feel like I’m disciplined, I feel like I have control over my appetite. But then I realize that being this completely obsessed with it has had the opposite effect, and food controls me. It’s hell but the self destructive part of me that loves to be in pain truly loves it.

[Rant/Rave] Just dumb venting
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 17BMI | -165 | 30F | AU]
Created: Tue Mar 27 22:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87p0vh/just_dumb_venting/
I’ve never felt more fucking invalid as an eating disordered person as I have in the last several months

I feel sick and full all the time

I feel so out of control

I keep yelling at myself to snap out of it

I’m not eating much more than when I restricted the most, I just have been policed by my husband so I no longer can do that, but I’m still restricting but I haven’t lost a pound in months

And I’m tired of asking and trying to figure out why
My body is just bursting out of my skin suit
I can’t look in the mirror anymore
All of my progress is not progress anymore but a waste

I just have this complete and utter feeling of loneliness and self loathing brimming in me ready to boil over (for other reasons seasoned in there)

I am no longer good at the ONE THING I was good at still.

Im sorry I just had to write this somewhere

Love you guys

[Rant/Rave] back on my bullshit
Created: Tue Mar 27 21:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87osi7/back_on_my_bullshit/

[Help] Please tell me I can do this.
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | too much / GW: 50kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 21:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87or3g/please_tell_me_i_can_do_this/
I've come out of a 4 month binge long cycle and am currently restricting. Granted, some days I screw up but I am determined to lose it all again. I don't know how much weight I put on, and I don't dare to step on the scale. My mum knows. She surely does. But she keeps quiet about it. Everytime we walk into the kitchen, I know she glances at what I'm making. She knows that I'm hurting myself, yet she wouldn't say anything because she knows I'm stubborn. I've fainted in practices before.

Yesterday, she cut up oranges and was eating them in the kitchen. I found it weird because usually she'd ask me if I want some. But she didn't. So I naturally asked her if I could have some? And she was so happy. I swore her eyes lit up. But she said - "please eat, ok? You're growing. You need to eat." and then my heart broke. why am I doing this to myself? Why does my ED make me hate myself and hurt other people around me? I really do not want to restrict, but she looked so happy when relatives around us were praising me for my weight loss, etc. Please tell me I can do this again.

Tip : put a retainer in as soon as you're done eating for the day
Created: Tue Mar 27 21:05:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87on49/tip_put_a_retainer_in_as_soon_as_youre_done/
I have a bottom retainer and when I've decided I'm done eating for the day (usually whenever I get home from work) I'll put it in as a constant subtle reminder of "no food." Just a small tip that's helped me out :)

[Discussion] [Discussion] Does anyone else get more uncomfortable as they lose weight because people notice them more?
Created: Tue Mar 27 21:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87on1m/discussion_does_anyone_else_get_more/
Edit: maybe this is more of a rant or a general vent but I have no one to talk to soooo...

I am usually just a lurker here but I like reading this sub and identifying with others here.

I guess lately I just have felt my anxiety disorder getting worse now that the more weight I lose the more people notice my body...and they aren't shy to "compliment" me on it. Telling me how hot it is and that it looks so good coming from both men and women. Especially the women I work with and I know they don't mean any harm by it but it makes me so uncomfortable that people are looking at me that way. Sometimes it makes me so anxious I just shake and want to hide away forever. I don't dress in tight clothes... I work in a hospital and wear scrubs slightly too baggy.

I dunno but it just triggers me in a bad way.

I can't stop obsessing about food and not eating it, though. It's been this way since I was a teen...being anorexic and eating one ham sandwich a day and lots of water. The psychiatrist said it was a control issue for me. Over the years it has come and gone. Sometimes I starve myself for months/years. Sometimes I go through phases of binge eating and gaining 40 lbs in 6 months after getting raped by some stranger. I hate men looking at me sexually.

I like being thin, though. I feel good restricting. I compare myself to other women all day long for my self-esteem. I guess I still have control issues because everything else in my life sucks.

I wish I could be able to never leave my house and just sit on the internet 24/7 watching Law &amp; Order re-runs.

Tl;dr: DAE get uncomfortable with ANY attention about their bodies?

[Other] Fainted for the first time in my life today
/u/dortuh [5'8" | 114.4lb | BMI 17.4 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ojwz/fainted_for_the_first_time_in_my_life_today/
Edit: tl;dr at the end

I've done this before. I'm only a month in to a relapse. I'm only 114.4 lbs. I've been at 95 lbs and never fainted. I never thought this would actually happen. Especially not at this weight. But I've probably been going harder than ever...
I've been restricting more than I ever have and exercising as much as possible. BUT I've felt more fine than ever. Used to be unable to go this hard cause I couldn't handle it. This time around I've been feeling totally normal for the most part.

However, I feel that this COULD still be an isolated incident.

I made a hot Epsom salt bath with THC salts. I smoked a little weed first and got in to finally relax. About 5-7 minutes later I hear a knock on the door. I respond but get nothing. Nobody is home. I start freaking out, I stand up real fast to grab my phone to call my mom, and I just lose control and slowly start falling down back into the tub as things get a little dark. My whole body is pulsing in a weird way. Still trying to hold the phone, my hand is shaking wildly out of control. This was the first time I thought I might actually pass out. I was able to regain control of myself but holy fuck it was scary. I got out and ate 194 calories. I'm thinking I should maybe have more than that tonight...

Fuck. I was happy with my progress and don't want to have to slow down.

Tl;dr- I stood up too fast from a hot bath and fell right back down and thought I might pass out. I've been going hard lately.

[Rant/Rave] Every time I think recovery is possible...
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87oiqc/every_time_i_think_recovery_is_possible/

[Rant/Rave] DAE constantly compare their bodies to partners? (Lesbian-specifc)
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87oh5g/dae_constantly_compare_their_bodies_to_partners/

[Rant/Rave] It’s frustrating when your job literally tempts you every day.
/u/anxthekitten [5’5.5 | 16F | SW 155lb | CW 147lb | UGW 110lb]
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ofl4/its_frustrating_when_your_job_literally_tempts/
I work in a restaurant and all our managers except the main one don’t care if we take food home or eat it during closing. Which I hate! I’ve already tried the desserts, bread, etc that I like but I’m always tempted to try it and eat it again. I dont even like it enough to snack on it every day I work, but I do it because I guess I can? It makes me wish the cheap manager was always there so I wouldn’t be capable to get food as easily. I hate this.
And then I went from 147 to 149 when I weighed myself today. It may be because I checked these at different times of the day but it still gets to me. If I get back to 150s I don’t know what the he’ll I’d do. I even fasted 15 hours today! Does anyone even know how to ensure that weight won’t increase while restricting? I’m so scared my psychiatrist will say I’m 150 something again tomorrow, I wanna be fucking 145 by next week, but it’s like the fat doesn’t wanna go away. :(

[Discussion] Where my drunk-a-rexics at?
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:19:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ocul/where_my_drunkarexics_at/
....lol because here I am. It's my birthday. I am drunk as FUCK. And no one else gets me like you do! I fucking love you guys! Wooooooo!

----signed, Betty Drunkass Mothafukin Rage----

(P.s-> i am 36 today. So PLEASE don't feel like your illness doesn't matter because of your age. That is some Baby-BackBULLSHIT)

[Discussion] Does anyone struggle with depression related binge eating?
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87oa7x/does_anyone_struggle_with_depression_related/
I can and do restrict when I feel mostly well or just anxious but once the depression hits, I just start shoving food in my face just to feel something. It sucks because then I gain weight and get more depressed.

I feel like a bad person saying this but I’m so jealous of people who lose their appetite when depressed.

How do you keep from binging when you just don’t care about life?

[Other] Did anyone else not feel ugly?
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:114 |GW:100 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 20:00:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87o8cr/did_anyone_else_not_feel_ugly/
This is a weird post, but I’m curious. My ED didn’t really start because I thought I was super ugly and fat. I thought I was okay. I just love to torture myself.

I used to self harm a lot to make myself feel inferior and that was my “thing”. Then I started purposefully cutting off relationships and friendships I valued just to torture myself. The last thing I did was get really into different drugs to feel something, and now I’m balls deep in an ED.

I talked to my counselor about this and we both figured out that I like to do these things because I want to feel strong emotions and experience everything. I love feeling close to death and weak, I loved drugs, and I loved self harm because they made me feel intense emotions.

My ED made me start to hate my body and made me feel worthless, but it didn’t start that way at all. The hate for my body grows as my ED gets worse. I definitely have issues with my self image now that never existed before all of this. My dysmorphia is so shitty that I honestly have no clue what I really look like anymore.

This definitely isn’t the case with everyone, but I was wondering if anyone else found themselves having an ED without having self image issues first.

[Help] Please help- how can I stop thinking about food for good????!!
Created: Tue Mar 27 19:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87o7s5/please_help_how_can_i_stop_thinking_about_food/
Problem is, even though I technically don't have an ED anymore, but I can't stop thinking about food. I can't control what I eat anymore. I can't fast, I can't restrict, and I keep overeating (and thus maintaining my high weight). I need to do step 1: to stop thinking about food 24/7 but idk what to do.

I know that I probably should focus all my efforts on first the mental aspect then the weight loss aspect but idk how. I've been trying to do that for years and no success. Please if you have any long-term or short-term advice, I'd appreciate it. Long-term is better, but if I do the short-term advice all the time it would become long-term right?

[Rant/Rave] Just threw away a whole loaf of bread I bought earlier today [Rant]
/u/peony_princess [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Tue Mar 27 19:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87o7nm/just_threw_away_a_whole_loaf_of_bread_i_bought/
...along with a bunch of other junk food. I only buy it because I'm struggling in school and I want the comfort of an instant sugar rush. I was thin and beautiful up until last year when I feel like a switch flipped and all of a sudden I stopped restricting and started bingeing, and I gained 20 pounds, making me "average" but since I'm so goddamn tall I just feel like a huge disgusting monster. I am disgusted with myself. I hate looking in the mirror. I visited my mom recently and at one point she put her arm around me and I almost started crying because I could feel her arm touching my side which is what I'm most insecure about. I just want to love myself again but I don't know how. :(

[Help] Someone convince me to eat, please
/u/missalligator [5'2" | 100 lb |]
Created: Tue Mar 27 19:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87o1yh/someone_convince_me_to_eat_please/
I was doing pretty well with recovery for the last few weeks but for the last week I've fallen into this weird literal anorexia (minus nervosa), lack of appetite, and not because I've been fasting or want to lose weight. I've been having a sweet potato for breakfast every day and sometimes a second for lunch because they're soft, easy to put down, and give me energy being a starch, but its been difficult to put down even totally safe foods like lettuce. The full belly feeling has been the most uncomfortable part of recovery. Of course, I don't miss the constant low blood sugar and low blood pressure, which I why I need to eat before I start spiraling down again. But at the same time, its such a painful process to do so and three times a day. It still takes me so long to build up the courage to make food and get it down. I thought I was wasting time calculating every calorie and obsessing in general but recovery is even more consuming and exhausting and I think that's why I keep relapsing. But I can't go back now, I've made even a little progress as I've gained 5 lbs and became comfortable with things of more sustenance like beans and sweet potatoes. Breakfast is still difficult and after that, forget it. I feel like I've come so far but at the same time hopeless because I can't get myself back to where I was before the ED. I get really angry with myself because I can't manage to put anything down for lunch and dinner. It's just so frustrating when you realize as much as you tried so desperately to gain control to not eat, now you have no control to force yourself to eat. So someone, please, help me choke down something. Its been two days without and everything is as appealing as eating sewage. I refuse to go back.

[Rant/Rave] What’s more fucked up: my body or my brain?
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:114 |GW:100 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 19:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87o1bm/whats_more_fucked_up_my_body_or_my_brain/
Hint: it’s both.
In the past month I fucked up and relapsed on laxatives. My use went from 2 a day to 10+ a day and it stood like that for a little under two weeks. Suddenly I started getting really bad chest pains and back pains. My arms would get numb. I would get insane stomach cramps to the point where it hurt to breathe. I have never gotten this bad ever.

Every night I would start wishing not to die and would tell myself that I wouldn’t take any more laxatives only to take more the next day once the panic faded.

I opened up about this to my boyfriend who offered to throw all my laxatives away. I let him do it, because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to. My counselor offered to throw them away for me earlier in the week, but I was convinced that I would be able to lower my intake myself.

I made myself doctors appointments and things because even without any laxatives my heart hasn’t been able to regulate itself and I get insane body aches. I’ve never been so scared for my health like this. My boyfriend told me that he didn’t want to lose me and it became so fucking real.

Today I had to tell my managers at work because I’ve been so weak on the sales floor that I can’t do my job properly. This shit is WILD. I’m a super workaholic. I love my job. I don’t want to lose it to this.

Even through all of that a sick part of me enjoys it. I almost feel successful that I’ve fucked up this badly and lost so much weight. Even though I can’t even regulate my heartbeat I’m already planning my next moves. I want to make sure I can regulate my physical symptoms and my laxative use is hopefully done forever. I know I’ll still be able to restrict, and I’m so excited to hopefully feel better again and continue restricting like I used to. Even through all of the physical symptoms I’m still restricting to 300 calories at most.

I’m shocked at myself and honestly I’ve never known this part of myself. I never thought I could be this way, but I’m literally unwilling to stop until I reach 100IBS. I need to be there. Even though I’m physically sick because of this I still don’t think I’ve tried hard enough.

I haven’t won yet. I feel like I have to keep going.
I hate this but I don’t know how to eat normally at this point and I never want to eat normally again.

[Rant/Rave] [Long] I might have gotten myself addicted to ephedrine
Created: Tue Mar 27 19:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87nvh8/long_i_might_have_gotten_myself_addicted_to/

[Help] Starting prozac, already on bupropion?
/u/aweebirb [4'10.5F | CBMI: 23.9 | GBMI: 18]
Created: Tue Mar 27 19:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87nuaw/starting_prozac_already_on_bupropion/
Hi! I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, frequent panic attacks, depression, and disordered (binge) eating, and am in therapy for the first three of these issues. I have been on wellbutrin for depression and severe headaches for about two years and it worked wonderfully for both for ~1 year, even causing me to lose about 10 pounds without trying which was ~awesome~. Sadly since then I've gained the weight back and more and just in the last few months the depression and headaches made a massive comeback.

I am wondering what people's experiences here have been like with prozac, and especially if anyone's taken it along with wellbutrin/bupropion. Currently I am still taking my 300 XL wellbutrin and was just prescribed a low dose of prozac to be taken in the mornings along with my other prescription and vitamins. My doctor warned me that prozac can cause weight gain, but considering my tendencies to over/binge eat are heavily influenced by how depressed I am, I have a feeling it will be the opposite for me? Or will it actually influence my metabolism/BMR? I used to be active with a good amount of walking and strength training every other day, but since the depression's resurgence have mostly stayed at home though I do use a stationary bike for about an hour/day.

**tl;dr:** how has prozac influenced your weight and eating habits if at all?


[Rant/Rave] ED versus Depression
/u/uiume [5'5" | CW: :/ | F18]
Created: Tue Mar 27 18:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87nr8y/ed_versus_depression/
Who will win...?
Apparently depression. Wow. Today is an eye-opening epiphany kind of day in regards to my mental health. Last week was the best I've felt in ages. I exercised every single day, restricted successfully, and didn't binge. I was productive and able to do schoolwork. I had so much energy. I was, dare I say happy. Or at least as close to happy as my mind can get.
I've felt the depressive mood creeping up on me since yesterday. I didn't exercise and treated it as my rest day even though i really didn't want to take a break. I barely exercised today, and I woke up with that dissociative feeling of not really existing yet existing too much, with that painful pressure building up inside of me with nowhere to go. Of course, I binged, I probably only ate maintenance calorie today but god it was terrible.
I didn't want to eat, I wasn't hungry, but that emptiness wouldn't leave me alone and I was tapping my leg and fingers frantically, I seriously could not think about anything other than food. I made a sandwich and ate Graham crackers out of the box mindlessly. I hated it. I drank as much water as I could while I ate and afterwards, like there was the ED part of me trying to minimize damage while depressed me just wanted to eat until it hurt. I thought about purging, but I didn't. I sat on my floor and cried for twenty minutes, punching my thighs and feeling paralyzed. I'm in bed thinking about all of the assignments I didn't do today, how I overate, failed at exercising, and generally did nothing right. When I get depressed I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I hate this. I hate depression.
But I'll keep going, I haven't failed and I'll just have to kick myself into functioning tomorrow, and throw my depression to the curb. Nothing would make me happier.

[Discussion] Does anyone drink water with every bite they eat?
Created: Tue Mar 27 18:00:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87nfhm/does_anyone_drink_water_with_every_bite_they_eat/
All I drink is water. Not necessarily ED-related, just a habit I have that I haven't noticed in others. Other people will eat and not even touch their glass after several bites, but I always take a drink with every bite. Not even for ED related reasons, it's just how I eat. I haven't been able to find anyone who does this anywhere else and I always feel self-conscious eating around others because I'm always reaching for my waterbottle. I think people judge me and think it's gross because of the imagery of chewed up food being washed down by water.

I can't recall the last time I ate something without having a drink with nearly every bite. If I go a couple of bites without taking a drink, I feel the urge to take a drink. I dunno, I'm going to stop drinking with meals for like a week and see if that changes my experience with food. Sounds dumb, but I legitimately don't eat anything without taking a drink, it's subconscious. This is the way I've always eaten and I can't imagine otherwise, it's so subconscious that I'd have to deliberately not drink and I really haven't done that before. And if there was ever a time I didn't, well, I've long forgotten

I don’t want to see a therapist ever again.
Created: Tue Mar 27 17:56:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87nenn/i_dont_want_to_see_a_therapist_ever_again/

Starting to maybe accept that it might be time to start an excessive routine... What's everyone's experiences? Advice?
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Tue Mar 27 16:51:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87myct/starting_to_maybe_accept_that_it_might_be_time_to/
I'm a student 5 days a week and my part time job now keeps me on my feet at least 20hrs a week on top of that, I however usually find it simple enough to restrict around 1200 which has given me some results but I'm plateauing and it's making me crazy.

Two years ago, deep into anorexia, I ended up dropping from 112 to 90 in twoish months eating around 500 a day and just not. Stopping. Moving. I also had no social life and was so preoccupied and dazed that people thought I had something wrong with me so I know I can't do that to myself again.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I may have to actually start excersising at this point to break through the 109lb mark and actually see some real progress.

I used to go to the gym occasionally but schedule makes it hard, any other former excersising phobes actually broke through their gym aversion though? Did you see results? I really don't know if it's even worth it, if it would just make me hungrier, but restriction alone is getting me nowhere right now.... :(

Filbert is one of us
Created: Tue Mar 27 16:45:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87mwk3/filbert_is_one_of_us/

[Rant/Rave] Letting my ED just consume me.
Created: Tue Mar 27 16:21:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87mqju/letting_my_ed_just_consume_me/

[Discussion] “Recovery” sucks
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 15:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87mhmh/recovery_sucks/
I’m really fighting this time but after 3-4 months I’m just mentally and physically exhausted. The mental hunger is still awful. The water retention and frankly fat is awful. My clothes don’t fit, coworkers comment about my cheeks, I can hardly stand after sitting and shower in the dark. I feel in a darker place than I ever felt while deep in my ED. I regret trying to get better and all the hard work I wasted just to become a constantly hungry water fat ballon. I’m getting to the point of too anxious to even leave the house because I hate being in my skin. Everything I read says it gets better but I just want my old life back. I want restriction, I want saggy butt skin. I just hate this. All I want to do is eat then not eat but mostly eat, hate myself and never leave the bed. Anyone else ever been here?

[Discussion] Does anyone else feed off the sympathy and worry of others?
Created: Tue Mar 27 15:38:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87mf1n/does_anyone_else_feed_off_the_sympathy_and_worry/
I feel bad but if I’m being completely honest with myself, I love the concern and attention my ED gets from my boyfriend. He is fully aware of everything that goes on with me and food, and on Saturday I got drunk and started talking about how I don’t really want to recover because it’s familiar and I’m scared to eat more than a 1,000 a day and fuck the look of concern and sadness on his face just felt good.

It felt good to know that someone gives that much of a shit about me that it’s upsetting. He’s the only person i’ve ever told and not any of my friends in the past (in high school) ever noticed or cared about how badly I ate. It feels so selfish and shitty to feel nice about the fact that it’s upsetting and concerning to him, but it honestly just feels good to have someone’s attention and care. It’s high key super shitty but I was wondering if anyone else feels this way.

[Rant/Rave] I am fixating over the most insignificant comment
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | fat | too high | Ugw: 7 lb 3 oz | 20f ]
Created: Tue Mar 27 15:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87mdks/i_am_fixating_over_the_most_insignificant_comment/
Fair warning, this is a really pathetic and stupid post.
I was hanging out with this guy in Saturday at his place and we started kissing. At one point he pulled me in to be on top of him and I laughed and said "I'm going to crush you" to which he replied "no you're pretty small".
Pretty small. Not small. Not tiny. *pretty small*. As in I could be smaller. I could be a lot smaller. It's so pathetic that it ran through my mind the whole night that I was with him. And it made me act really weird and I think he noticed. It especially hurt because I've lost an extra five pounds in the last week and a half, I felt great before that. I know I'm not tiny but I am about a fucking pound from being underweight again. Now I have to be 5 or 10 or 15 pounds lighter next time I see him (if i see him again) so he can eat those words and choke on them. *pretty small*. Fuck that

[Rant/Rave] Rough day...
Created: Tue Mar 27 15:23:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87mb4v/rough_day/

[Rant/Rave] I just need to vent
Created: Tue Mar 27 15:14:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87m8kh/i_just_need_to_vent/
TL;DR: I’m objectively ugly and I eat a lot.

So, hi everyone. I’m 17 years old, currently in 11th grade. All my life I have been ugly. I have been told that I’m ugly. Boys have made me feel ugly. They indirectly and directly told me. I have no confidence because of this, and the sad thing is that my life would be pretty much perfect if I was just a bit prettier. I always get ignored at parties, and everyone is interested in my friends.
The only people who tell me that i’m pretty are my friends and family. But they love me so I don’t trust them. If someone tells me i’m pretty, it makes my whole week, but I can’t fully trust anyone.I can see that i’m ugly, and whenever I try to look for the good things in myself, I always cringe myself back to self loathing because I just can’t unsee how ugly am I.

And of course i’m fat too. I was 70 kgs(154 lbs) back in January, then I started counting calories and im 65 (143) now. Im 165cm(5’5), and my body type is soo ugly. I have a small ass with a “hip dip”, big stomach and fat arms.
But the worst part is my double chin. My lower jaw has not grown the way it should so my double chin looks enormous. My head is too big and my face looks strange.

I know this is rambling and I’m sorry if it annoys anyone, but I needed to let this out somewhere, and this place looked the most safe. I’m very sad, and I hate my looks so much that I feel sorry for the people who have to look at me at a daily basis. It is so depressing to look at pretty girls with beautiful features, with petite or curvy bodies. why is it such a hard thing to be pretty?

[Rant/Rave] Best Friend Has Pretty Much Snubbed Me and I Have No Clue Why. [RANT]
Created: Tue Mar 27 14:37:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87lxsf/best_friend_has_pretty_much_snubbed_me_and_i_have/
I'm back on my bullshit, y'all. Not completely ED related but I just need somewhere to vent and you guys are just the most supportive people I've met.

My best friend and I met when I was 16. I'm nearly 23 now and we've been super close ever since. He's like my brother and the only friendship of the opposite sex that has lasted. Completely platonic, always has been. He also has very high-functioning autism, the only real struggle he has is sensitivity and understanding certain social constructs. He's very blunt and honest regardless of another person's feelings. I've always appreciated that in him. He knows my struggles with self-esteem and my ED.

The last time I've spoken to him was the end of January. I haven't heard from him since. He won't return my calls, my texts, or any messages/voicemails. He's just fallen off the face of the earth. I see him active on fb but he just won't talk to me. It's starting to really get to me. He never warned me that he may be going through something and may need some space. He never told me he doesn't wanna be friends anymore. Just... nothing. Nada. Zip. And I'm just so confused and a little hurt. I expressed that and, of course, it was met with nothing so I've been giving him his space and trying to be understanding but now I have this nagging feeling that he's never coming back and it's my fault.

I'm planning my wedding and another poster talked about how planning a wedding made them realize that they have no close friends and I'm in the same exact boat. And I just lost the one close and amazing friend I had. I have no family and the only friends I have are my fiance's. He was my only true friend and I'm so fucked up over this. I feel like Karma is coming back to bite me because of the guy friends I ghosted for trying to get with me. I used to drop people without explanation because my anxiety would get the best of me instead of communicating my feelings and letting people know I didn't want to be friends.

I guess I deserve this. I'm sorry this is so long, hope y'all are doing better than I am.

[Help] Will I gain weight?
Created: Tue Mar 27 13:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87llrz/will_i_gain_weight/

Coffees starting to replace all my meals again
/u/DrunkenRidgeley [5'8 | 168 | 25.5 | -42 | Male]
Created: Tue Mar 27 13:41:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87lgj5/coffees_starting_to_replace_all_my_meals_again/

[Tip] Nastey Meal prep
Created: Tue Mar 27 13:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87l913/nastey_meal_prep/
Hello, it's my first time posting on something like this, but I just want to share something that has been a game changer for me. I suppose this is more of a confession, my former confidant is doing great in recovery and I dont want to mess her up.
I have been making my food for the week on Sunday so that my people think I am eating, you know how it is. I usually prepare a big pot of something vegan, usually a soup, and I have recently started purposefully making the food gross so I can't binge it. For instance, I made vegan hot and sour soup, usually so good, but I added 4x the amount of ginger, no tofu, apple cider vinegar, and radishes.
I'm still eating it, but I am not over eating it. It's working out well for me.

[Other] DAE love watching people on youtube binge?
/u/nextlvlrattata [5'6 | dont have a scale| CGW 110| UGW 95]
Created: Tue Mar 27 12:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87l2h9/dae_love_watching_people_on_youtube_binge/
its come to the point that thats all i really watch. i guess it's soothing to watch people binge when you wouldn't let yourself do that. they're meant to be entertaining because of the talking but i like hungry fatchick because she never really speaks in her videos. even in real life, i cook my mom stuff that i won't touch just to watch her eat it.

[Rant/Rave] This thing is starting to affect my relationships
Created: Tue Mar 27 12:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87l05t/this_thing_is_starting_to_affect_my_relationships/

[Other] Is there an upper weight limit for a gastric band/sleeve?
Created: Tue Mar 27 12:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87kvfj/is_there_an_upper_weight_limit_for_a_gastric/

[Rant/Rave] Visiting my triggering in-laws for Passover. Vent with no real point.
Created: Tue Mar 27 12:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87kuql/visiting_my_triggering_inlaws_for_passover_vent/

I'm visiting my in-laws for three days over Passover later on this week.

My in-laws are lovely people, truly. They have accepted me into their family and treat me as a daughter almost.

They also like to compare weight with each other and taunt the other if they happen to be just a pound more than them.

These people are skinny as it is anyway, to the point of looking ill. They eat no carbs, no sugars and are both retired so are able to nap frequently throughout the day to conserve energy.

My wife and I can not do this, and I have a job that requires I am constantly moving and walking long distances. They are constantly on my wife to lose weight and I worry for her because they can be relentless. She's had a rough time lately with work, health etc. And I try to protect her from them but they don't care.

They dont mention a thing about me, but i already know that when I get there and the menu is lettuce and soup water my brain is going to go into starvation mode. "Yes this is plenty. I'm fine. I needed to lose weight anyway because I'm so horrific looking" and so on.

The thought of even a partial relapse is horrifying and shockingly welcomed? I'm not 100% in the mindset of, I'm going to be healthy and happy. Instead I'm on this odd fence where the closer I get to seeing my in-laws the more I feel like I'm going to fall off the fence and into a backyard of disordered eating and perpetual weakness.


Anywho. I hope y'all have a great week and for those celebrating, I hope you have a lovely Passover with family and friends.

[Rant/Rave] Feels so good to be called small
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87kipr/feels_so_good_to_be_called_small/

[Rant/Rave] My parents caused most of this
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87kg35/my_parents_caused_most_of_this/
I know part of it is me, I really do. But ever since I was a little kid all I was told was “look at that fat person”!”how do you let that happen?” “Let me see your stomach, a few sit ups wouldn’t kill you.” And my dad won’t ever stop talking about how her runs 7+ miles every day and is dizzy afterwords because all he had was a cereal bar and a salad. They judged my friends as a child too. After they left our house it was “oh they seem nice but could lose a few pounds.” Basically I was taught that being thin was the most important thing you could be and now everything makes me feel guilty. Eating anything makes me hate myself. I couldn’t even finish the tiniest thing of fries today before tossing them away and crying. I feel disgusting. And now it’s “oh honey I don’t know how you are so thin and fit without even trying! That’s great!” Yeah well it’s because I literally live off of iced coffee and rice cakes and run around and dance is my room for hours and hours. But my parents always compliment me now so that’s what really matters right?! :))))

[Other] Will Cutting Calories Make You Live Longer?
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'3 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87kfds/will_cutting_calories_make_you_live_longer/

[Help] Feeling like I'm gonna puke or pass out from restriction or dehydration. Will this help?
/u/Ekawa [Height 5'2 | CW 133 | BMI | -15 |F/22]
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87k5kc/feeling_like_im_gonna_puke_or_pass_out_from/
So I keep feeling like I'm gonna vomit and pass out after some heavy restriction or dehydration I really dont know. (but I was drinking pedialyte after it was clear that I had a elektrolyte imbalance) so today I ate some food. Is eating more but still eating at a significant deficit going to stop the dizziness and nausea? Or do I need to eat a LOT to feel some kind of physical recovery from this hell? I don't think I've had a meal and kept it down since Saturday night and I can't poop except for like once a week and it's TINY.

[Discussion] DAE not drink out of a patterned mug or cup if they are wearing patterned clothes?!
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:08:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87k5f4/dae_not_drink_out_of_a_patterned_mug_or_cup_if/
I realise now it is written down how bonkers this sounds. Am I alone in this?! (I will use a patterned mug if I am wearing a plain colour top)

[Discussion] I don’t feel like I really worked out unless I’m sweating like crazy, tired as hell, and my muscles hurt
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:02:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87k3ms/i_dont_feel_like_i_really_worked_out_unless_im/

[Rant/Rave] feeling so disgusting and need to vent
/u/myredditsockaccount [5'2" -50 & still fat]
Created: Tue Mar 27 11:02:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87k3ip/feeling_so_disgusting_and_need_to_vent/
I've lurked here for awhile but never posted. Today I'm feeling especially shitty about myself so I thought this would be an applicable place for me to unload. Sorry for any grammatical/typing errors I'm all shook up right now.

To start with I'm going to go back in time about 15 years. Like many people, I developed an eating disorder when I was in high school. I'm 5'2" and wore a size 14 in girls. I lost more weight and was sent to a recovery center when I was 17 and 89 pounds. Eventually, I got up to 110. Ages 19-25 I worked as a pole dancer access to alcohol combined with weight bearing exercise got me to 118 in mostly muscle but also some fat. was still very much suffering from ED and took in most of my calories via yager bombs. I quite dancing after getting married to a controlling abusive piece of shit I feel into depression, become mentally unstable and my weight dropped down to 106. At 28 I started to suffer from memory issues, vomiting, lactation... etc etc. I went to the doctor and after blood work and MRIs found out I had a pituitary tumor. The least invasive treatment was to use human growth hormone to shrink the tumor. It worked but I gained 85 pounds over the course of 3 years (just over 190).

I really regret getting the treatment and despite no longer having a macroprolactinoma or the symptoms associated with it I hate what the treatment has made me.

I've lost 40 pounds since the treatment ended but I'm still faatter than I had ever been before. Frankly, I would rather have been institutionalized or dead than this fat. The weird thing is, my body image still hasn't adjusted. I have a sort of reverse body dismorphia... In my mind I'm still a size 0-4 even though I'm actually a 10. When I shop it's like there is a mental block I'll pick up a size 4 and take it to the dressing room but I won't be able to get it over my hips. I've had several breakdowns in dressing rooms due to this. I think that the change just happened so quickly that I feel like I'm living in a foreign body.

I left that aforementioned abusive asshole and now, I'm in a healthy relationship. He loves me fat and all but he keeps rubbing my fat, nasty, disgusting belly and every time he does it makes me remember how much I hate my body. I've told him to stop multiple times. I've told him that it makes me feel terrible and that I don't like it but he always seems to forget. We got in a huge fight about it last night. I don't think he'll do it again.

I'm just so frustrated because even though I've lost a bit of weight I still have so far to go and it's just not coming off. I've spent the morning looking for pills with ephedrine and the fabled "tape-worm pills", I've tried to think of people I might know who might have access to other things.. I don't care how I lose the weight I just want it to be gone so I can feel like I'm me again. Honestly, I have fantasized about just cutting the fat off but I know that's unrealistic because muscle tissue is intertwined and cutting off chunks of myself would result in a lack of mobility that would just lead to more fat. I feel stuck because if I didn't have such an amazing guy I would have probably just killed myself by now but I don't want to hurt him. So, I just have to keep hating what I am now and desperately restricting calories.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not get the treatment. I have been through so much but this is the thing that bothers me the most and it scares me because what if I never do lose the weight? What if this is irrevocable damage and the tumor is what facilitated my size before.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry for the disjointed sob story. I just needed to get it off my chest.

[Rant/Rave] I’ve lost control of my body
Created: Tue Mar 27 10:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87k0yz/ive_lost_control_of_my_body/
I saw a picture of myself today and was absolutely terrified and disgusted by how emaciated I look. I feel like I can’t see it as Cleary in the mirror but this was shocking. I don’t know what happened. I was keeping track of my weight with my doctor and it seemed to be settled around a BMI of 15-16 and I stopped monitoring it since I was aiming to get back up to 17-18 and didn’t want numbers to influence that progress, but I am sure now that it’s dipped lower than I thought.

I guess I was scared of gaining too much too quickly and ended up restricting more just out of that fear, or from stress that’s been going on at home.

I am scared. It feels like my body is barely hanging on. I get weird pains all over the place, my hands and feet are always cold and tingling, my eyesight is fuzzy, my hair is falling out in clumps and now about half as thick as it should be, and I am waking up during the night from involuntary whole body muscle spasms.

But I don’t know what to do. A hospital will just have me sit around being fed and doing nothing.

If I try to take the same path that got me here back the other way will that work? Just gradually add back in the meals and foods I’ve been cutting out? I feel sick when I eat so many things now, I hate it. I’m scared something bad is going to happen...

[Intro] oh look a rambling intro post
/u/serketcircuit [5'6" | CW: Landwhale | They/Them]
Created: Tue Mar 27 10:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87jrsn/oh_look_a_rambling_intro_post/
hey guys whats up ive been clean for three years and now im here

i guess the long and short of my whole story is ive always had a bad relationship with weight and shit, but eventually i made myself start restricting and lost 40 pounds or so and got myself underweight mostly just with that.

i got talked into recovery though, and its mostly been fine. lots of days ruined by triggers, lots of meals skipped because i just couldnt that day, but no full relapses. at least until now. ive been fucking plagued with relapse thoughts and the person who got me into recovery isnt around anymore

i have a group of online friends that care about me, who ive mostly kept my ed private from, and i dont want to like. freak out on them like i used to do with people. ive never been part of any ed community other than to just lurk, never even talked to anybody else with an ed, but i wanted to make sure i had a place to talk in case it gets out of control again

[Tip] Y'all. Applesauce is legit
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:110 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 09:13:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87j6ms/yall_applesauce_is_legit/
Unsweetened applesauce cups! Only 50cal a cup! So many flavors! I got strawberry, granny Smith, and original right now! I think there were two more at the store but I thought buying 5 packs of applesauce would be a little ridiculous. I'm thinking of doing a mono diet using applesauce! I mean 10 little cups of it is only 500 calories! So excited yall.

[Discussion] DAE think sneakers are thin privilege?
/u/grossierus [5'6" | 120 | 19.4 | -120 | F23]
Created: Tue Mar 27 08:34:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87iw1x/dae_think_sneakers_are_thin_privilege/
flair as rant/rave or discussion idc

I fucking love sneakers: the designs, the color palettes, the idea of looking Cool and Comfortable with just about any outfit. I can't walk into shoe stores without staring at the wall of sneakers trying to keep my hands from my wallet. Sometimes I slip up, and I go home with a fresh pair of Vans or Adidas or Sauconys.

But I can't wear them.

I plan a whole outfit or even numerous outfits around them, plan everything down to the underwear. I get fucking pumped up and put the outfit on on the chosen day. I go to put on the sneakers.

But I can't. I can't do it.

I love sneakers but when I wear them I see my legs for what they are: misshapen, lumpy. Cottage cheese in Saran Wrap. Even in jeans I feel like everyone can see my bulgy knees, my scarred ankles.

I leave my sneakers on the rack. I pick one of my many pairs of black booties or heels, so worn at the bottom I can feel every bump on the concrete beneath me, and I am off. Sad, defeated.

But at least my legs look nice.

At least, I think so.

[Rant/Rave] Tried a home remedy to purge and now regret even trying
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 08:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87iv3e/tried_a_home_remedy_to_purge_and_now_regret_even/

[Discussion] Is there a proED discord?
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:59:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87imck/is_there_a_proed_discord/

[Discussion] NYT article reporting research of low-carb vs. low-fat diets
/u/dotprinceton [5'3" | CW 103.6lb | BMI 18.86 | GW 92lb | 36F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ifce/nyt_article_reporting_research_of_lowcarb_vs/

[Other] Nervosa
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ieqi/nervosa/

[Rant/Rave] SO caught me measuring 🙃
/u/pm_me_ur_eyeholez [5'5" | -40 | GW: 107 | 26F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87idgv/so_caught_me_measuring/
Rant/rave. I haven't lost a pound since March 8, I've just been cycling the same five pounds every, fucking, week. I figured I should take measurements this morning to see if there's been any movement on that front. No, of course there hasn't been because I'm a monster with no self control! This month fucking blows. As if seeing that my measurements confirm that I'm a human garbage can for shitty food wasn't good enough, while I had the tape wrapped around my fat, naked ass, practically willing it to be smaller, my fiance walked into the bathroom and said, "what are you doing?" And scared the shit out of me. I died internally. I told him I was just measuring bc that's just what I do (lol kill me) and he responded that I look good to him. He knows about my ED. he knows how despondent I get about my weight. I know he was trying to help and what he said was so sweet, but I'm mortified. He calls me on my behaviors in the most awkward ways, probably because he doesn't know what to do. Ughhhhh. /rant.

[Rant/Rave] I want to be revolting
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 125 | ugw: 98 | 17F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ict0/i_want_to_be_revolting/
I’ve finally accepted the fact that I am objectively pretty but I don’t want to be anymore. I am so sick and tired of everyone I know having an ulterior motive to sleep with me. I don’t want to be pretty anymore, I want to starve myself until I just disgust people and no one would ever want to touch me. I want to be able to trust that people like me for me, not for my body. I don’t want my friends to only be friends with me because they want to have sex with me.

Sorry for the rant and I’m sorry for how conceited it may sound, but I’m in such distress over this.

[Goal] He kissed my collarbones.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | -16| F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ibtg/he_kissed_my_collarbones/
I've lost SIXTEEN POUNDS since February. From 120.4 to 104.4 How in the fuck did I do that? My stomach is still my problem area. It sticks out and its revolting convexness tell me I still have normal-weight obesity. But I have a thigh gap, and my shoulders, my shoulders are the stuff of gods. The way the light hits my skin and makes me look statuesque with the marbling of my veins. The way my collarbones jut out like ivory cliffs.

Last night my husband kissed my collarbones, ran his fingers down my ribcage, and told me I looked SO much better since I'd been working out. I've been to the gym only eleven times. It's not the workout, honey. It's the diet, and the fact that I've learned to keep my mouth shut in meatspace about my restriction. I think I've only mentioned my weight or calories or an aversion to food like 4 times IRL since February. So he doesn't know I'm obsessing. Back when I was 102, last year, I thought he hated my body. We would argue daily. "You're too thin! It's not healthy! You're sick!" The truth was he loved my body. The same body I'm carrying now. He hated my mind, the obsessing. He hated the fact that I refused to go out to eat with him and had a panic attack when he'd try to take me anywhere. He hated the fact that I'd weigh myself in front of him six times a day. He hated the fact that I was unable to talk about anything but calories. Now I've grown a little stronger, and I can mostly hide that from him. Now I weigh myself once, in the morning before he wakes up. Now I've suggested we don't eat out for the month of March because "we need to save money." Now I'm into the Sims 3 and watching my 600-pound-life and he watches it with me. He said last night that he's grateful I'm skinny and not like them. Now he can love my thinness just like I do.

[Discussion] Does anyone eat in the morning but not in the evening?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍌5'5|110|GW:100🍉]
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87iamj/does_anyone_eat_in_the_morning_but_not_in_the/
I really want to start doing this because I hate waking up feeling bloated from the night before. I just get scared that I will eat in the morning, come home, and then eat more and feel like I ruined the day.

I'm tired of coming home and thinking about food.

[Help] Help, I can't stop binging!
Created: Tue Mar 27 07:00:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87i7vl/help_i_cant_stop_binging/
Idk what to do. I keep binging and binging and I don't even purge after or chew and spit. I just want and eat and eat and I can't stop. I'm a 5'8 female and I used to be at 125 bc I ate nothing and now I'm about to be over 140...help. how do i stop, how do ibreduce my appetite, how do i regain control?

[Help] overwhelmed by my body, feel like i can’t even leave my dorm room! suggestions for managing?
Created: Tue Mar 27 06:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87hz9e/overwhelmed_by_my_body_feel_like_i_cant_even/
hi everyone!
i’m a healthy weight after a long time of being underweight, and it SUCKS. i know that i still look small, but i just tried on my favorite pair of jeans that i had in the back of my closet and of course, they didn’t fit me. they were pretty tight around the thighs and butt.
i’m in college and lately i’m missing a ton of class due to just feeling too ashamed of my body to let anyone see me. and i’m not going to do well in my classes because of it, i can feel it.
how do you guys deal with getting up out of bed and getting dressed and going out when you absolutely hate your body? do you have any tips that have helped you? or just any comforting words?
hope you’re all doing okay :)

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday March 27, 2018
Created: Tue Mar 27 06:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87hw3o/thinspo_tuesday_march_27_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 27, 2018
Created: Tue Mar 27 06:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87hw2a/daily_food_diary_march_27_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 27, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Eating too little?
Created: Tue Mar 27 06:01:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87htmi/eating_too_little/
Sooo my dietician told me that I need to up my kcal to lose weight?

My DTEE is 1500 kcal and I'm eating 1200 kcal. I can work out due to auto imune illness - the new meds make me dizzy all the time.

How on earth is eating 200 kcal MORE is going to make me lose weight? She said my body is in starvation mode - but the scale disagrees.


Created: Tue Mar 27 04:27:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87hbnm/support/

[Rant/Rave] Halo top is ruined
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Tue Mar 27 04:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87h8c0/halo_top_is_ruined/
They upped the calorie counts on nearly all pints :(

My favorites were plain vanilla, chocolate, and mint chip because they tasted good AND they were 240 cals per pint.... Now they are 280-320 each :(

WHY!! They tasted so perfect already

brb gonna go cry more

[Rant/Rave] I gained weight
Created: Tue Mar 27 02:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87gr9f/i_gained_weight/

Alcoholism and eating disorders seem to go hand in hand
Created: Tue Mar 27 02:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87gogt/alcoholism_and_eating_disorders_seem_to_go_hand/

[Discussion] DAE feel like their weight is weird?
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 27 01:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87gn99/dae_feel_like_their_weight_is_weird/
Sorry for the somewhat misleading title. Does anyone else feel like their weight is too high for how a person their size looks? I sometimes lurk on progress pic subreddits and look for girls with similar stats to mine, and I feel like I don't look like that in pics, if that makes sense? As in I weigh more but my measurements are smaller (basically I'm more dense?). I used to lift weight for quite a few years with breaks in between but I have always maintained a relatively high protein diet.
Is this possible or is my brain making me be in denial about how I look.

Basically, I still feel big objectively but not as big as my weight would suggest. Anyone feel the same way?

[Discussion] The entire base of my ED is a desperate need for control. What if instead of trying so hard to control every calorie and catastrophically falling apart when I eat one tiny thing wrong, I focused on gaining body and muscle control?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS [5'6 |CW:156.8 | GW: 125 |F 18]
Created: Tue Mar 27 00:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87gc6w/the_entire_base_of_my_ed_is_a_desperate_need_for/
Every day I wake up unhappy with my body. I really, truly hate it. And I know the mind set most of us have is that once we reach that weight, that absolutely perfect weight, our lives will change dramatically for the better.

But with all this binging, restricting, crying, panicking, and self hatred I’ve realized that the body I see at the end of this tunnel isn’t the perfect dainty flower I want it to be, it’s a weak, painful, miserable body.

Do you ever think about what your body is truly capable of?
I am sitting here right now completely self aware of how weak my arms are, and this might sound crazy but my ankles are so fragile and weak, despite me being over weight. I am not flexible, I cannot do hand stands, I cannot bend and twist.

I think my new super obsession is yoga and flexibility and strong. Not like ripped by any means, but gently toned.

My thinspo has shifted from bonespo, to watching yoga videos and seeing this beautiful dainty women effortlessly fold themselves in half, lift into impossible handstands and poses, and it looks so serene and perfect.

That’s the control I need in my life. If I focus more on fitness goals, a better push up, a deeper stretch, strength in my arms, that will be the control I so desperately want and need.

I dream of posting pictures on Instagram of me in tiny shorts and a sports bra, lifting my small tight body into impressive poses.

I dream of a happier, mentally strong me.

[Discussion] The entire base of my ED is a need for control, and I focus that in calories and food which causes me to panic and fall apart when I eat one wrong thing. But what if I shifted to having body and muscle control? What if I focus on what my body can DO, not what it looks like?
Created: Tue Mar 27 00:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87gboi/the_entire_base_of_my_ed_is_a_need_for_control/

[Help] Rebuilding my thinspo collection
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 23:56:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87g2wb/rebuilding_my_thinspo_collection/
I recently lost my phone which had about four years worth of thinspo saved on it. I'd appreciate it if any of you could share some of your favorite pics/albums.

I'm not picky anything goes, but I have a specific proclivity towards stuff for short girls.

Thanks a bunch in advance.

[Help] I could really just use a hug.
Created: Mon Mar 26 23:42:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87g0i1/i_could_really_just_use_a_hug/
And I’m not even a hugger......lol. Please excuse the pathetic, self-loathing rant that follows. I have a million and one thoughts racing through my mind right now and I really just need a place to vent. I genuinely feel like I’m on the verge of a massive break down.

I have relapsed. I’ve been successfully (for the most part) restricting since about October and I’m down about 20 lb’s. (For context: I’m 5’7 & went from 145ish to now 124ish) It’s not the first time I’ve been here.

(please excuse how dramatic I’m about to sound, lol) I am severely depressed and tbh, I love my ED because it’s the only thing that is currently giving me any sense of control and the little will that I have to continue.

Lately, I have been having such severe anxiety that I feel like if I’m unable to crawl out of my own skin I’m going to combust. Anxiety and I are no strangers by any means, but this is by far the worst it has ever been. I want to scream. I want to cry. But instead, I just continue to hold it all inside pretending like everything’s fine to the outside world.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the charade. I have absolutely zero motivation to do anything. I’m currently a (pathetic excuse of a) full time student with a part time job. I am failing 3/4 of my classes. I am making very, VERY little income, but don’t even care enough to try harder. Even if I did feel motivated, I wouldn’t have the energy to carry anything out. I have increasingly severe brain fog and my body constantly aches. I have increasingly worse social anxiety and wish, on the daily, that I could just isolate myself from everyone without having to perform any self care. I don’t want to kill myself exactly, I just want to become so thin that I somehow disappear.

On top of this, I am planning my wedding - a time that is supposed to be one of the happiest - yet it has only made me more depressed. It has reminded me how embarrassed I am that I have 0 close friends (a thought that I often try to avoid, which has now become painfully relevant).

I *thought* I was at an all time low with my depression, anxiety, and ED (all things I’ve struggled with for 15+ years) until I recently discovered that my fiancé regularly watches porn. I know, trivial, but it’s absolutely tearing my, obviously insecure, ass apart. Mind you, I make myself ridiculously available to him at all times, due to my insecurities and fear that he may watch porn/stray if I don’t. Learning that this has happened anyway, despite my efforts, is killing me. The realization that he, knowing that he can have me at any time, regularly opts for porn instead, is making me want to starve myself into a coma.

My chest and heart physically aches from the pain of this discovery. Like, deep down I know that I’m being stupid and that this shouldn’t bother me as much as it does - that it’s my own insecurities and that he hasn’t done anything wrong..... but, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Although I realize my post screams “attention seeking”, I genuinely am not putting any of this out there to seek sympathy or concern - again, just really needed to vent. I am so pathetic, sad, and hopeless and could just *really* use some words of encouragement before I completely crumble.

I can’t thank you all enough for letting this be a safe place. I sincerely love you guys and wish everyone the best. ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone have a large chest or have their chest as a big insecurity?
/u/keekaroo [5'2 | CW 120 | GW 100 | 20 F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 23:36:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fzmh/does_anyone_have_a_large_chest_or_have_their/
I've always had a large chest, and my friends would always laugh about how unproportionate I was, as in 110 and a 32DDD. Everyone always said they were jealous, but I hate them, even more so now.

I gained 20 pounds in college, anddddd that made me gain 4-5 cup sizes. I'm now a 32J. This growth is excessive, and even though I've lost weight, they haven't gone back to their previous size.

I really like how my stomach is starting to look, but I can't stand my chest. I look like a whale in loose shirts, I look like a slut in form fitting shirts, they're not perky because they're heavy, and they're honestly just ridiculous. I can't take pictures because I hate how they make me look. I hate wearing swimsuits, no matter how happy I am with my legs, stomach, anything.

I hate it because no matter how much I lose from restricting, nothing changes in my chest. I feel like I'll never be happy and I'll be 95 pounds still trying to lose 10 more and 10 more and 10 more to get rid of their ridiculous size. My friends used to always say they were jealous of me, and they now literally just say "I'm sorry." They poke them, use them as pillows, etc. and it makes me just feel fat and fluffy.

Has anyone ever experienced something similar? I know my size is excessive (and honestly should probably see a doctor), but regardless, my boobs are my second biggest insecurity with my body and weight. Just wanted to rant and maybe find others feeling the same.

[Rant/Rave] Fasting. Food is an addiction and I’m done with binging
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Mon Mar 26 22:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fpl8/fasting_food_is_an_addiction_and_im_done_with/

Kittens = cute helpers when it comes to fast food
Created: Mon Mar 26 22:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fpd6/kittens_cute_helpers_when_it_comes_to_fast_food/

[Discussion] Body Dysmorphia Causing Injury?
Created: Mon Mar 26 22:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fmc9/body_dysmorphia_causing_injury/
So I have struggled with anorexia for 5 years now, in and out of recovery through this time but at the moment I am able to eat mostly okay just with behaviours/anxieties that others wouldn't consider normal and maintain at my lowest healthy BMI. I have recently begun yoga and found that my knees are hyperextended, which is an injury that causes my knees to bend backwards - making my knees weak and painful. They haven't always been like this and I was trying to figure out what made them this way when I realised that my body dysmorphia made me constantly want to put my body in unnatural positions to compensate for the anxiety of how it looked and in particular, pushing my legs back. Has anyone else developed injuries like this for the same reasons?

I've been eating for 5 hours straight
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Mon Mar 26 22:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fi2r/ive_been_eating_for_5_hours_straight/

[Rant/Rave] SOS need tips to lose bloat fast!!
Created: Mon Mar 26 22:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fhv4/sos_need_tips_to_lose_bloat_fast/
First of all hi everyone! I’m a lurker here but finally decided to post because i’m struggling :(. I was doing so well with my fasting and restriction but today I royally fucked up. I woke up and felt sick and binged a little for breakfast and that just spiraled into a full blown biggest binge i’ve ever had. I feel sick to my stomach and literally ate 6000 calories today... 6000 CALORIES!!! I’m going on vacation on friday does anyone have any tips on how to quickly lose all the bloating I just gave myself :( I really don’t want to look puffy and like a fat whale on vacation. thanks guys 😭 xx

[Discussion] triggers?
Created: Mon Mar 26 21:54:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fghw/triggers/
i’ve found, at least for me, that things people would normally consider triggers aren’t really what sends me off restricting again. like:

- trying on pants that are too small
- comments from others
- seeing an increase on the scale
- etc.

these things seem like “triggers” in the like, traditional sense? or i guess, they’re what people would assume triggers a relapse. but like, my biggest triggers are things like getting sick & losing my appetite, hearing others talk about losing weight, seeing my safe foods at the store, seeing someone else eat my safe foods, etc.

what are some of your biggest triggers?

tl;dr: i feel like what people generally consider triggers don’t actually trigger restriction relapse. what kinds of things trigger you?

[Rant/Rave] (NSFW)(tmi) my boyfriend left to BMT and was confused when he came back..
/u/Slippingonbananas [5'3 | 140 | ?? | 20 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 21:41:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fdqe/nsfwtmi_my_boyfriend_left_to_bmt_and_was_confused/
Soooo my boyfriend left to basic training for the air force and while he was away i relapsed :( binged/purged and because of this my gag reflex went away and I’m having a hard time even making myself throw up lately. Well I’ve never been the best at deepthroating, and the day I finally saw him and gave him a BJ he freaked out because I went down and didn’t gag or anything. He was all suspicious and I felt bad, but didn’t want to tell him about my relapse and worry him more. Proud of myself for how good I am now but upset that I freaked him out.. ugh fuck you ED😑

[Rant/Rave] Disgusted by myself
/u/aisha7 [5'2'' | CW 141 | BMI 26.72| + 24 lbs | 17F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 21:36:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fcsu/disgusted_by_myself/
TLDR at the bottom

Over the summer of 2017 I went through a big breakup and I dropped 10 pounds from 127 to 117. I lost so much weight and I was so happy and skinny and I had friends and I went out. I was restricting to 800 net calories and I ran every weekday.

After Thanksgiving I decided I would stop restricting as much and try "intuitive eating" and I stopped running completely. Initially, it started with allowing myself to eat dessert, but that quickly turned into second helpings and entire pints of ice cream. Over Christmas I ate half a tray of brownies because I thought it would make me happy. I weighed myself at around 134 and I decided to make a change.

When the New Year started I decided to go to the gym and live a "healthy" lifestyle without counting. Oh fucking boy. I binged on smoothies and granola and oatmeal and bananas. I started lifting weights and I told myself my 7 pound weight gain now is from muscle gains.

Today I looked at myself in the mirror. I look disgusting. There are rolls everywhere and I can see my fatty cellulite on my fucking arms. My double chin is growing. My waist is 32 inches. My cheeks are fucking jiggling. I am OVERWEIGHT.

I'm so fucking disgusted by myself and my fat fucking stomach.

I'm currently on Spring Break staying with my family and being forced to ear, but the minute I get back home I'm starting to run again and eating 500 kcals. I cannot stand this fucking fat.

TLDR;; Lost weight on 800. Decided to maintain/recover, binged my way up to an overweight BMI. Will begin 500 per day ASAP.

[Discussion] What do you do about clothes
Created: Mon Mar 26 21:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87fa50/what_do_you_do_about_clothes/
I'm a guy so maybe it differs for you girl, but I don't necessarily want people to be noticing too much weight loss again. But I've been wearing my baggiest clothes so I still look regular but nothing really fits anymore.

What do yall do?

[Rant/Rave] I joined a gym today...
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’11” | 140 | | 75| Gender]
Created: Mon Mar 26 21:21:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87f9pv/i_joined_a_gym_today/
Mostly because I just got a job at Trader Joe’s (I already work at Target so this will be on top of that) and they said I would be doing a lot of heavy lifting. The gym guy asked me a lot of surprisingly detailed questions about my fitness goals, health, etc. The guy asked how much I ate and when I told him, he said “that’s not enough...” I’ll also be meeting with a nutritionist. I’m somewhat hopeful because my sister has an ED as well (is also on this sub sometimes and she’s the one who told me about it) and she said that lifting was the only thing that helped her at all because it shifted her focus onto being stronger instead of losing weight all the time. I was matched with a personal trainer and I may actually lose a couple pounds while gaining muscle (not a lot though). Eating healthy, and eating enough, will be my biggest challenge I think. I don’t eat enough protein. I don’t eat enough, period. Some days I eat 2 meals, some days 1, some days none at all. I’m gonna have to change that and it’s gonna be hard but I’ve been through worse lol. Excited but nervous.

[Rant/Rave] The water weight... Ughhhhh...
/u/Startled_Butterfly [5'5" | CW 121 | 20.3 | GW 108 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 21:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87f7d6/the_water_weight_ughhhhh/
So yesterday I was diagnosed with a kidney infection and it must be pretty crappy because I've barely been able to pee and as a result am retaining all sorts of water. I've gained 3 lbs since Sunday. I cannot wait for these antibiotics to sort me out because I've been doing really well lately and I deserve to see some loss by now.

My brain right now: we're not losing weight, everything we're doing is pointless, drink another Dr Pepper. In fact, finish the spaghetti in the fridge. Our stomach is angry and we must appease it because obviously it's suffering for nothing.

Rational part of my brain: Just wait a little longer and the water will go away, and if you mess it up now you'll never know how much you could have lost this week.

[Discussion] Do you ever eat anything after purging and not purge it back up?
Created: Mon Mar 26 18:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87e6nk/do_you_ever_eat_anything_after_purging_and_not/
I try not to eat anything after a purge but sometimes I will be starving, like today. I sometimes eat something but always feel guilty and try to purge it back up. Does anyone purge but then resume normal eating throughout the day?

[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] TW as fuck: “Obesity: The Post Mortem” doc on netflix
Created: Mon Mar 26 18:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87e4ji/rantrave_tw_as_fuck_obesity_the_post_mortem_doc/
They cut open a dead obese person, show you all the fat and health complications.

If you’re into that. I kind of like that I have that imagery now.

Have y’all watched it? What do you think?

[Rant/Rave] I want to be tiny
Created: Mon Mar 26 17:45:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87duy0/i_want_to_be_tiny/
I want to be so tiny I can get any guy I want.

I want to eat 500-1000 calories a day but then I want to eat gobs of Chinese food...

The only way to avoid food is to literally buy the junk; portion out what I want; and toss the rest. If I keep it I can't control myself.

I said I'd eat one McDonald's breakfast sandwich now and save the other for tomorrow morning. I said if I couldn't handle that I'd toss it. Ate 'em both. WTF. WHYYYYY

I want Chinese. I am gonna go over my calorie budget if I eat ANYTHING. SO, I say... "Ok, let's make our own chinese!" I look for my zero calorie noodles... roomie tossed them. WHAT. THE. FUUUUUUCKKK.

Ok, I'm probly gonna cave and eat Chinese. Tomorrow I am doing 500 a day. My life is sucking right now so I bet it'll be easy.


[Rant/Rave] Purged on a walk
Created: Mon Mar 26 16:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87dgow/purged_on_a_walk/
First post long timer lurker.

Was meant to be in recovery, my SO was the main force behind that. Told them I was thinking about this stuff again, said they weren’t a psychologist and couldn’t help me. They’re normally really supportive, so I know I’m probably driving them to the edge.

Went on a walk after dinner (the only meal I can’t skip), grabbed one of those dog waste bags and went into a nearby creek. It was pretty unsuccessful but now I know a safe place to do it.

But god the guilt is already starting.

[Rant/Rave] Sorry not sorry! (Coworker Diet Sabotage)
Created: Mon Mar 26 16:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87dcu5/sorry_not_sorry_coworker_diet_sabotage/

[Rant/Rave] It’s the little things.
/u/kkardash [5'5" | CW: thic | GW: 110 | -16 | 20F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87cksv/its_the_little_things/
I work at a ketonic diet clinic, and one of my clients came in and said “Oh you’re so slim, you’d never have to be on this diet!”

I’m balls deep into a 3 days fast and I’m officially on cloud nine right now. These past few weeks have been hectic with exams and projects and work and binge-avoidance and it seemed like the world knew I needed to hear that.

It’s just crazy to think that she’ll never know how much that one sentence meant to me.

[Help] Can't stop mini binges
/u/KEEENWHAA [5'6" | CW 64kg | BMI 22.7 | GW 57kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87chkl/cant_stop_mini_binges/
I keeping buying chocolate and high calorie foods, telling myself I'll just have a bad calorie day, then eating past the point of fullness and feeling sick. Once all food is gone I feel horrible guilt and have to purge it. I don't want to purge but I don't want to be fat either and I can't stop eating so much. This is new, I started a few months ago just every so often but now I've done it 3 times in a week. I'm not skinny, if I tell anyone they will think I'm making it up. I want to be thin so much but something switches in my brain and just wants to shovel crap in my face.

I also have coeliac/celiac disease making a lot of bad food off limits so when I find something bad I CAN eat, I go mental and eat the entire box/packet/batch/cake.

I have a few other health problems (joints, muscles) that stop me from over exercising instead of purging :(

Thank you for listening. I can't tell anyone. You guys are so understanding.

[Tip] Emotional/binge eating success
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87cfaf/emotionalbinge_eating_success/
First post ever on Reddit. I've been struggling with emotional eating and binge eating since early teens. Lately I've been seeing a therapist and have been working to improve myself emotionally, my self image, etc. But emotional eating has been a struggle. It's been years now, and i think I've finally figured out what helps me cope, and its pretty simple.
When i come home from work, my stress level is pretty high, naturally. Im in a go go go mood. After figuring out different methods for dealing with my anxiety, none of them worked permanently, just for a few minutes. Hot tea, Hot shower, a bath, exercise, soothing music, comedy. I'd end up still binge eating immediately after or during it all! So after talking it through with some friends and my spouse, they recommended I just take a nap immediately when I get home. And i thought nap?? Impossible. But you don't have to nap.
Being in my blankets, pillows, smelling good from a fresh shower and curled up with my phone is enough to make me feel safe. I thought I'd be too hungry or thinking about food cravings to do this, but I don't! I feel relaxed. It's like putting me in a little hamster den where no one can touch me and i can just feel warm. It may sound like a no duh moment to others, but for my high anxiety selfI rarely give myself any quiet time at all.
Protip: shower, curl up in bed for an hour! It's comforting and the easiest thing I've found that works.

[Help] My friend has anorexia, can you help me help him?
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ceeo/my_friend_has_anorexia_can_you_help_me_help_him/

My friend has anorexia. The dude's just gone through two breakups, within a week (months ago, but the scars are lingering), and is coming into school with swollen purple eyes and shit. He's just managed to push through out of what's basically a suicide diet but has regressed for FOUR days. He remarked that his first piece of food was with me and another friend in the canteen today, and it's an 80-cal bag of popcorn. I dunno how to relate to the guy, other then my binge eating habits that I conceal better then I should. Can any of you guys/gals give me some advice for this, 'cause the guy is SUFFERING, and I dunno how to help.

[Discussion] Anybody else???
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ce9d/anybody_else/
So, currently in a phase of BINGE BINGE BINGE BINGE BINGE like a fucking maniac. I'll do good asf all day but when dinner rolls around.... man I'm like "fuck this". I have been doing that since friday and it's Monday -_-. I bought 3 donuts on impulse, ate one, chewed and spat another and gave one away. They were low quality and weren't even fucking worth it. Also bought chips, whale crackers, and chocolate on impulse but I gave the chocolate away. So lord help me, how do I get out of this cycle!?!?

Fasting weight loss?
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:252|CW:221| -31| GW:112| HW:294|27F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:24:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87cdi3/fasting_weight_loss/

[Rant/Rave] awful experience just now
/u/illendmylife [114lbs | gw 100lbs | f]
Created: Mon Mar 26 14:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87c7fq/awful_experience_just_now/
i'm trying not to purge anymore but a few nights ago i had a bag of chips and it made me very constipated (idk why) so i've been restricting with 300cal a day and no carbs waiting to be able to use the restroom. but i have no laxatives so i decided to eat pickles (and may too much antacid but idk if that did anything) expecting it to help me go. NO. i was starting a binge again and had sudden diarrhea (while i was wearing my favorite panties too) and i'm STILL constipated afterwards. my stomach was hurting so bad i purged everything up. the cherry on top lol. my face got splashed by toilet water. and spit all over myself. i feel absolutely disgusted at myself.

[Other] This song. (“Ed”)
Created: Mon Mar 26 13:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87c5r6/this_song_ed/

[Discussion] does anyone else here not have an eating disorder, but finds reading posts here beneficial?
Created: Mon Mar 26 13:53:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87c41v/does_anyone_else_here_not_have_an_eating_disorder/

[Rant/Rave] Stuck at 140.
/u/oriamB [5'6 | CW 135? | GW 120 | always fluctuating | F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 13:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87bxko/stuck_at_140/

[Discussion] Water retention?
/u/allkindsofnewyou [5'2 | 95 | BMI 17 | F 23]
Created: Mon Mar 26 13:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87bt53/water_retention/
This week I discovered the joys of hot sauce + baked cauliflower, but I think it's causing an issue that makes the ridiculously low calorie count not worth it.

As of last night, I'm having the worst case of water bloat in my entire life. I got my period today, so of course that plays a part, but I am so jiggly and puffy; even my EYELIDS are swollen. My thighs and stomach literally look like a waterbed being slapped, lol. When I press on my arm and thigh with 2 fingers, an indentation is left for about 30 seconds, including a light spot the size of the fingers. I could hardly get my ring off (which is usually able to be comfortably removed) to take a shower! Even my skin hurts. I haven't had this bruised, tender feeling since I was on prednisone as a child.

This is beyond period bloat. Could extra veggies + obscene amounts of hot sauce be causing this? I went to a birthday party yesterday and had half a slice of cake and about half a slice of pizza, but usually that amounts to minimal bloat. It's a rather large volume of veggies....kinda went overboard bc I was so excited to find foods that 1: I like, and 2: are satisfying.

Anyone else have this experience? Any home remedies I should try? When should I expect this to subside?

Thank you ❤

[Discussion] Teas for different effects
Created: Mon Mar 26 12:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87bm6k/teas_for_different_effects/
What teas do you drink to lose weight, boost metabolism, absorb fat, etc.? I’m currently drinking white and green, but what else do you recommend? I’m also looking into BaeTea.

[Help] Is there a calorie counting app that doesn't require me lying?
/u/Deathscua [5'2"| F | GW: 85]
Created: Mon Mar 26 12:40:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87bj39/is_there_a_calorie_counting_app_that_doesnt/
I am currently using LOSEIT app on IOS and I have to lie to the app and say I'm 4'9" in order to lower the calories needed per day to less than 1099. Which is a little annoying actually. Before when I put my actual height 5'3" i would go over on accident because I would eat within those calories the app gave me which is waaaay too many. I think it was 1500.

[Discussion] Does anyone else spend all day trying to figure out how to "fix" their food stuff and then get overwhelmed and ultimately just decide to keep restricting?
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 158 | GW 123 | -30 lbs | 24F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 12:34:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87bhd3/does_anyone_else_spend_all_day_trying_to_figure/
I would absolutely love to have a normal relationship with food where I eat an appropriate amount of calories for my activity level and maintain a healthy weight for my height. But for whatever reason I can't do it, so I spent today trying to figure out what the healthiest diet would be (vegan? paleo? don't call it anything and just eat lots of whole foods?), binged and purged twice out of stress, and then finally decided to just restrict because at least I know that works for weight loss. I'm choosing being thin over being healthy for about the thousandth time, and the saddest part is it rarely works. I keep coming back to it because when it does work it's amazing.

[Help] Resenting my bf for "sabotaging" my efforts...
/u/dreaminginscience [5'6" | CW139| GW130 | BMI22 | 23F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 12:32:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87bgp4/resenting_my_bf_for_sabotaging_my_efforts/
So, I met my boyfriend when I was still chubby and my weight loss journey was *just* beginning (about 1.5 years ago). We started off very casual, fwb type of thing so he really never knew my history with ED and had no idea I was in the throes of it at the time. Now that we're in a committed relationship, he's a little more enlightened and definitely knows I have food issues just from seeing it first hand. But I know he doesn't think its alarming or near as serious as it probably is because 1. I'm not underweight and 2. he can see I'm really happy about my weight loss. Any way, lately he's been really bad about enabling me to eat like shit with him. He's gotten a little better since I've asked him to stop, but I know it's still mostly an afterthought for him. He just doesn't get how detrimental weight gain would be to my mental health right now and he also doesn't know what it's like to have a metabolism that can't handle 3 packs of candy and a pint of ice cream a day, he's fit as fuck. ANYWAY, the last time I ballooned and gained a ton of weight it was because I was in a relationship and dealt with all the same issues. HELP. Besides having a serious talk with him, which I intend to do, how can *I* take back control and avoid letting this relationship sabotage my weight loss efforts? How do you manage to keep your relationship fun and care free despite your ED? Some weeks its easy to avoid the temptation but others I feel powerless and I definitely don't want to ask my partner to change his diet for my benefit.

[Rant/Rave] Unexpected downside of someone complementing you on weight loss
/u/xwer15 [5'5| 127 | -32|GW:105| F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 11:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87atzs/unexpected_downside_of_someone_complementing_you/
I'm away at college in a different state. Needles to say I don't go home often. I've been restricting heavily since about October and have lost a decent amount of weight. I don't see it but that's what the scale says.

I went home for spring break last week and saw lots of people I haven't seen in months and a few of them complimented me and said I looked like I had lost weight. These compliments made me feel good for about .03 seconds before I realized that if they think I look better now and I still hate how I look, I must have looked even worse than I though before.

I'm not sure if that makes sense but honestly it just makes me feel worse. I also never know what to say when someone says I've lost weight. I don't wanna lie and deny it but I also don't wanna say I'm trying to lose weight and raise suspicion. The end result is usually me awkwardly smiling and mumbling something that's definitely not a language as I internally sweat

[Tip] Starbucks low cal coffee tip
Created: Mon Mar 26 11:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87aspk/starbucks_low_cal_coffee_tip/
Hello lovelies. On a typical trip to Starbucks I usually enjoy a Hot Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte which averages to about 120-140 calories give or take. Not bad for a sweet warm beverage. However, I have discovered that a regular hot coffee with some half/half AND some of the vanilla powder they have near the sugar tastes soooo similar to the latte. Also way less calorically dense. The latte is still really delicious and I'll still get it now and then, but the reg coffee with vanilla powder is cheaper and less cals. Try it out next time!

Edit: These are all awesome idea thanks for sharing!!

[Tip] pro-tip
Created: Mon Mar 26 11:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87arr0/protip/
I'm not much of a laxatives gal but if the coffee from Einsteins Brothers Bagels isn't a guaranteed digestive solution I don't know what is. Seriously I get one hot coffee from them and it does the trick EVERY TIME. Coffee is kind of already a go to for most people who need to poop but for some crazy reason I feel like Einsteins coffee just works better.

[Help] Seeing a cabaret tonight with a $25 food/beverage minimum - Help! What do I get? I don't drink alcohol and I don't eat meat
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 147lb | 21.32 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 10:41:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ak4e/seeing_a_cabaret_tonight_with_a_25_foodbeverage/

[Help] Im new, looking for advice and stuff
Created: Mon Mar 26 10:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ahmy/im_new_looking_for_advice_and_stuff/

I'm on fluoxetine and still gain weight
Created: Mon Mar 26 10:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87ahac/im_on_fluoxetine_and_still_gain_weight/

[Help] How do I trigger my whoosh?
/u/myrtlewils0n [cw:118 ☾ gw1:115 ☾ ugw:108]
Created: Mon Mar 26 09:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87a3b8/how_do_i_trigger_my_whoosh/

[Rant/Rave] Why anxiety?
Created: Mon Mar 26 09:43:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87a39s/why_anxiety/
I bought bronkaid from cvs. I've done it before (it's been a few months though) so I have no idea why I panicked. The pharmacist asked if I'd taken it before and I immediately said no. But then I back tracked because they scan your license and all that and I didn't want like my purchase history to be different than what I just said so I was like "I've gotten it for my mom before and have taken one or two of the doses" and she kind of looked at me weird. She still sold it to me though (but now I'm so anxious I don't even want it anymore) and now I am worried that she is going to like call the DEA or something and I'm going to go to jail for buying bronkaid and lying to the pharmacist on accident.
Tldr:my anxiety has once again fucked me over

[Other] [Other] The label says zero sugar but it's the colour of the regular coke... Is it just me or is that stressful af?
Created: Mon Mar 26 09:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87a1b1/other_the_label_says_zero_sugar_but_its_the/

[Rant/Rave] Officially flunked out of college
Created: Mon Mar 26 09:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/879xt6/officially_flunked_out_of_college/

[Discussion] What do you think about when you feel hungry?
Created: Mon Mar 26 09:21:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/879x48/what_do_you_think_about_when_you_feel_hungry/
I have not eaten yet today and I am getting that empty, hungry pain in my stomach. I feel so empty! What do you think about when these feelings start? How do you avoid eating or avoid eating too much? I'm scared to eat because I am restricting right now and I am scared once I start I won't stop eating. I don't feel powerful or in control of my eating,
I feel both mentally and physically weak. This just sucks!

[Other] My new found love
Created: Mon Mar 26 08:34:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/879k9b/my_new_found_love/
So, uh I have fell down a rabbit hole of low cal vegan AMAZING RECIPIESSSSSS. This channel has officially got me FUCKED up because my life has now changed and I might be in love with this person. (exaggeration!!!). Who knew that you could eat vegan low calorie junk food? I sure as fuck didn't.. like wth. I feel like a newbie cause I haven't done this earlier... but, I will share my new found love with you all because they are a GOD SEND.

You have to scroll a bit down in their channel cause they switched their content up a bit but that's ok cause once u water one video... you're suddenly watching them all even if you aren't making them...

Ok, so I tried the pasta one and OMGGGGG that shit was AMAZING! My grandmother didn't like it though lmao but it's because it had too much salt for her. (You can add as much salt as u want) I tasted it and can I just tell you... I am never gonna eat regular pasta again. It was quicker and healthier plus low in calories. I just had to boil the water, and then put them in and in like 1-3 minutes once they float, they are done! It stuck to themselves like real pasta and everything. The only thing that wasn't like regular pasta was the color. It's exactly like whole wheat pasta.

[Rant/Rave] It's like even my body is against recovery
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 08:17:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/879fj6/its_like_even_my_body_is_against_recovery/
So I've been spending the last week consuming at maintenance but somehow, in the last two days, I've gone up by 4 lbs.

I know it's not water weight because I've been drinking water throughout the day and I don't think it could be, ahem, waste because I've been pretty regular about that too.

Restricting back to where I was before is so insanely tempting... The first step in my recovery plan was to maintain and that's not happening so I'm freaking out.

Does anybody know what's going on? I'm low key fighting to urge to not eat for the rest of the day after my workout.

[Tip] I made an on-the-go fasting preparedness kit! Here's what's in it.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 108.6 | 20.1 | -12 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 07:51:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8798ks/i_made_an_onthego_fasting_preparedness_kit_heres/
So, fasting and I have never gotten along. I ADORE what fasting does for my weekly calorie intake but I hate what it does to my stomach, my energy, and my general well-being. You name it, fasting can do it to me. Heartburn, headaches, nausea, dizziness, fainting, etc. Especially the fucking nausea. When I break my fast I have to FIGHT HARD not to throw up involuntarily.

I have decided to fast two days a week for the rest of my life, on my busiest class days so there's more distractions. I, however, am all about preparedness and know full well I am going to feel like baked shit at some point during my fasting days while I am trying to be a human in class. So I put together a fasting survival kit to put in my oversized purse.

First, there's medicine. I bought a pill box off Amazon. Mine looks like a tiny, pink first-aid kit and I love it. It contains:

* Aleve x2
* Tylenol extra strengthx6
* prozac and wellbutrin (my prescribed antidepressants) x2 of each
* Benadryl x6
* Dramamine x5
* Dramamine non-drowsy x5
* Antacids x2
* Ginger tablets x2(Seriously, restriction nausea will kill me one day)
* Caffeine pills 200mg x5

In addition I have teas inside a little baggie that could easily be mistaken for a feminine supplies kit. This way, when I want to go to the cafe and eat, I can instead get some hot water for 30 cents and enjoy a wide selection of my favorite teas from home!

* Ginger tea x2
* Chamomile and "honey" flavor tea x2
* Peppermint tea x2
* Slippery elm herbal tea x3
* Earl grey tea x1
* Rooibos tea x2
* Butterscotch Blondie dessert tea x2
* Mini stevia bottle
* BMISmart diet pills (They're basically fiber pills. I order them online and they're like $60 a month but it's worth it because they fill me up for HOURS.) x3 servings
* Gum (juicy fruit, spearmint, and cinnamon)

I also put in a couple sugar free candies and a couple pouches of on-the-go applesauce for if I get so dizzy and faint that I CANNOT fast anymore. Like, if I pass out or something.

Hopefully all of this will help keep the worst of the physical symptoms and cravings from fasting at bay. I'm using my kit for the first time today! Wish me luck!

[Other] Relatable
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Mon Mar 26 07:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8794cc/relatable/

[Discussion] Is this possible
Created: Mon Mar 26 06:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/878w78/is_this_possible/

[Rant/Rave] My protein shake was congealed...
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 92.8 | 17.5 | 20F | 🍑: quietpandaa]
Created: Mon Mar 26 06:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/878tjb/my_protein_shake_was_congealed/
I bought a pack of Premier Protein shakes yesterday and was so excited to try them. Then when I went to have one at my OMAD, my shake was all congealed and jello-y. I didn't notice until I'd already drank some, though, so I was too scared to throw it out and get something else. I ate about 3/4 of it with a spoon (like the trash that I am) because I can't afford to waste food, plus I know I needed the protein for my exam today. After that I felt too nauseous though, so I threw the rest away.

Now I'm so angry that my shake was gross and expensive, but I'm also worried about the calories in it. This is probably crazy, but I'm really scared that because it was messed up there are somehow more calories in it?? I was up half the night having panic attacks about it. Even if I count the shake as having 3x it's normal calories I'm still under 1000 for yesterday, but I'm terrified it'll make me gain weight.

This probably doesn't make any sense. I just really need some support and reassurance :(

[Rant/Rave] Why do people get so irrationally mad about people's eating habits
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-20 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Mon Mar 26 06:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/878oli/why_do_people_get_so_irrationally_mad_about/
I have a friend who literally asks me like every 5 minutes why I'm not eating food A B or C. I had a 3 course meal with them about a week ago and literally for each goddamn meal they asked "You're not finishing that?" "God, just finish it."

They once told me that they got mad over a person taking their time slowly to finish a meal and taking bit by bit.

Why do people care so much? Why is it even their business to police the way I eat, the pace, and amount?!

It's not even coming from a heart of "I'm concerned that you may not be eating enough", they are little *annoyed* by the way I eat.

Stop paying attention to the way I eat it's got nothing to do with you and what you have to say about it doesn't give me anything.

I'm not commenting on why you're binging 6,000+ calories for *fun* so what gives you the right.

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 26, 2018
Created: Mon Mar 26 06:16:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/878mp3/weekly_stats_update_march_26_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for March 26, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 26, 2018
Created: Mon Mar 26 06:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/878mo2/daily_food_diary_march_26_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 26, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Thoughts on sports nutrition
Created: Mon Mar 26 04:41:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87853i/thoughts_on_sports_nutrition/
I'm an endurance athlete and do long sessions in training where I can be out running for 4-6 hours at a time. I have to take some fuel with me or I will run badly. I know that I need to eat to run properly but OMG the GUILT I feel when I see that the energy bar I ate while on my long run had nearly 300cals! Which is MENTAL because the whole run probably burned nearly 1500. But I really struggle to accept that I need to eat this stuff. Also when I get back from my run I'm starving so tend to be less disciplined than usual (think a bowl of pasta - I try to never, ever eat pasta - instead of salad like I'd usually have). I read all about ho terrible it is for people to eat back their exercise calories and using exercise as an excuse to eat rubbish and I wonder if that is what I am?
If I don't eat I struggle on the run and think I'm lazy and useless. If I do eat I think I'm greedy and fat.

[Rant/Rave] Worked out for a month straight, lost no weight :/
/u/nvrgonnaleavethisBED [5'10"|too many|F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 04:28:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8782ww/worked_out_for_a_month_straight_lost_no_weight/
On mobile, can't flair

I've been lifting and doing cardio five days a week for the past month, haven't been binging and have been significantly more active overall but I weighed myself today and I have lost 0 pounds.

My body looks different, my boobs have gotten way smaller and my legs are more toned but I'm still BIG and I hate it. I thought for sure I'd lost at least ten pounds but it was zip. Zero. Nada.

I don't really know what to do. I haven't been tracking strictly because it kept making be binge every time I did, so I'm really not sure where this leaves me. I still want to lose 50 lbs. Should I risk starting a binge cycle again and start calories counting?

[Rant/Rave] Hi, I would like to cancel my interview please 🙃
/u/pantsuo-haitemasen [170cm | 26F | CW: 🐖💨]
Created: Mon Mar 26 04:10:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/877zrk/hi_i_would_like_to_cancel_my_interview_please/
I've been unemployed for over two years. I am a 26 year old NEET (Not in Employment, Education or Training). my self-esteem and confidence are shot, but luckily, my boyfriend is kind enough to care for the both of us. Despite this, I am very keen to work.

After applying for hundreds of positions in my city over the course of a few months, I somehow managed to land an interview.

I was so thrilled! Then I saw my reflection on our bedroom mirror. I looked too thin (50 kg, 170cm frame). I immediately felt disgusted.

"What if the interviewer discovers that I have an eating disorder, or if they're malicious enough, on some hard drugs? People would stare outside and look at me. They'd judge me." These were some of the thoughts that ran through my mind.

I immediately grabbed my phone and contacted them to cancel our appointment. They offered to reschedule instead, but I insisted for cancellation. Now, I may have to sustain myself by posting some un-dank memes forever! :(

[Rant/Rave] broke up with boyfriend. ready for an intense restrict cycle
Created: Mon Mar 26 03:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/877qou/broke_up_with_boyfriend_ready_for_an_intense/
been seeing this guy who expresses love with food, gained 40 lbs bc it activated a binge cycle :-/ this among other factors lead me to break up with him yesterday, hung out with some ~problematic~ friends who also all have bad relationships with food. we're in a strava running challenge together and a group me and we're gonna send progress pics to eachother at the end of each month. helps that im super competitive so ill want to outrun/lose all of them.

we're also gonna work out together which is nice bc theyre already all so thin and pretty itll be extra motivation :-)

like on one hand its so nice to have a group of people i can be completely candid about my fucked up eating habits (binge/restrict cycles, purging, uneven weight) but im also worried for myself and my friends to what this leads to. i hope i die from complications but i also want them to be safe?

im lowkey excited to be this ""enabled"" but also my weight cycling has been like -30 +35 -45 +40 and i can tell this one is going to be... intense.... already got a bunch of cigs and juul pods, stocked up on diet foods (basically brown rice, black beans, eggs, plain canned tomato sauce and green tea are my staples), and made a step goal and p rigorous workout routine. gonna start weighing in every day again and strict IF. no eating out. my staples r cheap af too so hopefully ill save up a good amount of money too.

no obligation to eat with anyone or be in my ex's house full of snacks and junk. here we go. may this be the last time i gain.

im just so fucking sick of being back in my fat body, im not obese again, just overweight, but i did find comfort in being 128ish and being a healthy bmi so when it got really bad i could tel myself its just dysmorphia. cant even do that anymore. all the numbers point to me being a little pig again :( wish me luck everyone, sorry if this is incoherent, but idk who else to say this to. hugs ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Ec stacking to stay awake, zzzquil to go to sleep
/u/nchlaz [5'11 | 137 | 18.5 | -70 | M]
Created: Mon Mar 26 01:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/877ek6/ec_stacking_to_stay_awake_zzzquil_to_go_to_sleep/

[Help] Feeling sh*t today, what to do?
Created: Mon Mar 26 01:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/877ck8/feeling_sht_today_what_to_do/
Trying to somewhat recover, and been eating like crazy the last couple of days trying to accept food. Today I woke up feeling like crap and hating my body in all of the things I tried on. What do you guys do on days when you feel bad, to feel better?

Much love

[Discussion] What is your favorite fitness tracker to calculate your TDEE?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | SW 211 | CW 180.2 | BMI 30 | 23F]
Created: Mon Mar 26 00:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8774e1/what_is_your_favorite_fitness_tracker_to/
Really one of the only reasons I want a fitness tracker is so not only can I count the exact amount of calories I consume, but I can also count the exact (or as close to exact as I can get) amount of calories I burn during the day. What do you use and what are the pros/cons? How accurate do you think it is?

[Rant/Rave] I hate going out after a binge
Created: Sun Mar 25 22:52:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/876k5k/i_hate_going_out_after_a_binge/

[Help] Swimming!!
/u/grapefr00ti [5'7" | 21.85 | GW128 | 23F | Binge free: 2 days]
Created: Sun Mar 25 22:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/876cst/swimming/
I love swimming- scuba diving is the most alive I have ever felt. Last July my scuba instructor in Cozumel told my dad (hearing things about yourself that weren't meant to be heard by you are the BEST or worst because they're so genuine) that I am very aquatic. I really feel like I am a mermaid that's beached, I just want to be in the ocean.

It has finally starting to warm up (tx) and I can't wait to start swimming again! I got a swimsuit that I'm pretty confident in and that feels amazing!! But at the same time I'm so out of shape and anxious about my body and fitness.

I am lowkey feeble due to restriction and I feel very self conscious about fitness, but I want to be good at swimming!! Does anybody have any good resources for learning how to swim properly without instruction? I feel so at home in the water but I know my form is off. I just don't know how to ask for help from people I know in real life and it's really hard to just try by myself??

I dunno I feel like this is a dumb post because I'm not really sure what the goal of it even is but I love yall!!!!!!

[Help] What is an effective but also safe dosage of ephedra?
Created: Sun Mar 25 22:02:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/876apc/what_is_an_effective_but_also_safe_dosage_of/

[Rant/Rave] Shit day of nothing but b/p
Created: Sun Mar 25 21:40:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/876690/shit_day_of_nothing_but_bp/
I’ve thrown up eight times today. One of the worst parts about these days is not knowing (even remotely/ballpark estimate) how many calories I’ve consumed in the past twelve hours. Two of them were smaller and over dumb stuff like fruit but the rest were so out of control. This only ever happens on the weekends and I fucking hate it, I don’t know if I’m at 2,500 or 4,000 like who fucking knows??? It’s that feeling of knowing I got most of it out but also knowing the food I inhaled got more and more out of hand as the day went on and now it’s almost midnight and I’m just staring at my textbook trying to make myself shower and finish my presentation for class at 8:00 am tomorrow. Aaaand it’s Monday which means I have to dress up for my sorority despite the fact that I’ll have insane binge bloat and water retention 🙃

It’s so easy to tell myself I don’t need help and am coping just fine because I’m used to it but days like this really fuck me up.

I see posts all the time on here from people that have recently started purging or are trying to start.. please don’t. Please. No one deserves this, and I promise you don’t want this

[Intro] Introducing myself
Created: Sun Mar 25 21:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8762a0/introducing_myself/
Hi everyone! I've lurked here for a while and finally worked up the courage to make an account. I struggle with bingeing and restricting because of anxiety. I'm hoping to find some people with similar problems to talk to. Thanks for reading!

[Intro] Hi everyone! I've lurked for a while now and finally decided to make an account. Like most here I've struggled with weight/body image and hope to find some people to talk to. (Ahh I'm nervous!!)
Created: Sun Mar 25 21:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8760d1/hi_everyone_ive_lurked_for_a_while_now_and/

[Rant/Rave] Therapist Rant (Update)
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 21:04:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875z5n/therapist_rant_update/
So I went back to the therapist I was having trouble with and it went better than expected, but still not great.

So before I went, I wrote down what I wanted to say because well, that's how I act when I think I'm going to have a debate with someone. I did get most of my points, while knowing how I felt she was coming across wasn't going to be 100% how she wanted to come across.

So I mentioned not feeling listened to and feeling stereotyped. I had wanted the experience to be a bit more individual. Basically the answer was that they simply don't have the resources to do so. The clinic is too small to really help on a large scale, so the only thing they really offer was the class they put me in. This was disappointing, but not really her fault. If it's not there, it's not there.

She then told me that this is one of the reasons she thinks I should be in her class so I'm able to "use my social signalling to express my expectations." Never mind that I didn't know what to expect when I went in. This does become more important later.

After that I talked a bit about how I wished that when I first started saying that this didn't seem to be working and asking for a bit more direction that she would have told me there wasn't much else. The other thing was about when she and another client talked about when she had lied to this other client.

She told me that they were joking, and that I shouldn't have taken it so seriously. I sort of get where she's coming from, but it's the way she followed it up that really bugged me. After that she told me that this is another reason why I should apparently be in this class because obviously if I knew more about social signalling, I would have been able to take the joke.

The reason this kinda pissed me off is that it feels like she just imposed a double standard where if she doesn't get what I'm saying it's because I didn't signal it properly. But if I don't get what she's saying, I just can't pick up signals properly. So it kind of feels like she can do no wrong in her mind and I'm always the one who's wrong, never mind the fact that she's the professional.

Either way I have three choices. First I go back to the classes and keep going regardless. Second, I take a break over the summer and just do self help stuff until September. Considering I'm spending the summer with my fiancé, it works out pretty well. Or I drop the program entirely. I'm not the type of person who likes giving up and a part of me is wondering if she's right and I've just been really bad at getting my point across. That doesn't seem likely as it felt like my other counsellor got it, the people around me sort of get it, and the psychiatrist at the clinic got it in one meeting. So it seems like it's just her. Another part of me feels like I've already broken any good bond or trust I have here.

It doesn't help that they believe in many things that I think are pseudoscience bullshit, but that's a whole other rant I won't get into unless asked.

[Rant/Rave] arguing with therapist
Created: Sun Mar 25 20:29:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875rwg/arguing_with_therapist/

[Discussion] [Discussion] What are your opinions on doing weights and strength workouts at the gym?
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52.3kg | BMI 19.1 | Weight Lost 20+kg | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 20:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875mf1/discussion_what_are_your_opinions_on_doing/
I just got a membership to my uni’s gym today after having used it for a bit. And I’m so excited and happy. Actually being able to work out properly and burn calories is making me so happy. At the moment, I’ve just been using the cardio machines, the elliptical being my favourite.

But I was wondering, is it worth me also using the weights, and strength machines? I don’t want to get buff of course. But I’ve heard it’s good for weight loss. Has anyone found this, had this experience? If so. What do y’all think? Should I try using them too?


[Discussion] i’m done being out of control
Created: Sun Mar 25 19:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875guv/im_done_being_out_of_control/

[Rant/Rave] TIL that (attempted?) overdose just feels like a 48+ hour fast.
Created: Sun Mar 25 19:20:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875d7e/til_that_attempted_overdose_just_feels_like_a_48/

[Other] Too relatable
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | 142 | 20.9 | -21 | 24]
Created: Sun Mar 25 19:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875bcd/too_relatable/

How do I start restricting again?
Created: Sun Mar 25 19:07:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/875a9k/how_do_i_start_restricting_again/

[Other] kpop girl groups make me feel so bad about myself, but I love feeling like shit
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 164.4 | -30.6]
Created: Sun Mar 25 18:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8758lv/kpop_girl_groups_make_me_feel_so_bad_about_myself/
im a fatass asian. if i lost a good 70 pounds, i feel like i could at least look 1/4 as pretty as they look. this guy I'm seeing definitely has some favorite girl idols that he is refusing to tell me about because he knows I will go insane, but i wish he would tell me because (this is rly weird) i want to feel ugly and gross. if i feel cute, im more lenient with my eating.

on a side note, i love it when he gives subtle, unconscious indicators that he finds other girls, specifically asian girls, cute/pretty. after, i collect their pictures and save it in an album because im creepy and it motivates me hahahaha. ive known him for 3 years and i can recall the name and face of every single girl he's given a high rating to, even when we were just friends/barely friends. i wish he would call more girls cute, i love feeling like a trash can

[Discussion] Shin splints
Created: Sun Mar 25 18:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8757qw/shin_splints/
Anyone else get them? I’ve been dealing with the pain for a couple months now but god I don’t want to stop running. I switched to interval incline speed walking mixed with running, but I just refuse to stop completely. I’m kinda worried they’ll never heal :/ I’d post in another community or whatever but any other sane person will tell me to rest and I don’t wanna hear it.
I guess my question is: how bad can it be to keep running and has anyone ever just kind of dealt with it?

[Tip] Breyers delights mini pints!!!!!
/u/PandorasMusicalBox [5'4" | CW: 129ish | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 18:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87576t/breyers_delights_mini_pints/

[Help] How can you tell if you have an irregular heartbeat?
/u/myrtlewils0n [cw:118 ☾ gw1:115 ☾ ugw:108]
Created: Sun Mar 25 18:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87576r/how_can_you_tell_if_you_have_an_irregular/
Sometimes I’ll get these feelings like I’m falling out of or drifting away from my body, only to suddenly snap back to reality and feel slightly dizzy. Usually it’s following heavy-ish restriction or working out for extended periods of time and restricting afterwards.

Is this any cause for alarm? Or something else entirely?

[Rant/Rave] I purged for the first time
Created: Sun Mar 25 16:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/874h1r/i_purged_for_the_first_time/

[Discussion] Anybody else completely llogical and aware of it?
/u/razzytrazza [5’3 | CW 104 | GW who tf even knows]
Created: Sun Mar 25 16:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/874eyi/anybody_else_completely_llogical_and_aware_of_it/
My boyfriend’s birthday was on Friday and I didn’t eat all day so that I could enjoy a slice of cake with him. I didn’t even eat my whole slice and haven’t eaten anything since then because i felt like i binged even though I know that it was only about 600 calories. Why am I like this??

[Intro] New here.
Created: Sun Mar 25 16:46:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/874ed1/new_here/
Hey!! I’m new here. I have had BED for a while because of an anxiety disorder and have been trying to lose weight for years. Just wanted to peek in and say hi.

[Help] Can anyone tell me why the roof of my mouth is throbbing?
/u/Ekawa [Height 5'2 | CW 133 | BMI | -15 |F/22]
Created: Sun Mar 25 16:21:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8748kn/can_anyone_tell_me_why_the_roof_of_my_mouth_is/
So I used to be very bulimic (4-5 yrs ago) until one day I couldn't purge and I messed up my throat somehow. Before it was super easy and painless. Since then, my throat has never felt the same and I've had issues here and there but nothing diagnosable that a doctor can see. So I was purging last week and I felt ok after, nothing too serious, but started restricting for the next few days and when I finally tried to eat it HURT. The back roof of my mouth was throbbing and it hurt so bad. What's going on? I haven't binged since then because it hurts after eating some, and definitely haven't purged. Smoking makes it worse but it's so hard to quit. It feels like a brainfreeze, but only in my throat and it hurts really bad and I'm scared I wont be able to binge/purge again even though I need to in order to maintain weight loss.

[Rant/Rave] Figured out what‘s wrong
Created: Sun Mar 25 16:19:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87486x/figured_out_whats_wrong/

[Tip] Sobriety apps
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 15:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8742en/sobriety_apps/
A really good tool to track how long since my last binge. It gives it to me in hours which makes it seem much more manageable.

[Discussion] DAE get incredibly hangry and pissy
/u/lead-by-example [6’0 191 gw178 | m32]
Created: Sun Mar 25 15:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/873rdu/dae_get_incredibly_hangry_and_pissy/
blood sugar too low? don’t fucking talk to me
blood sugar too high? don’t fucking talk to me
and it comes out of nowhere!!! makes it so hard to human. what do you do to fix it?

I had a dream i binged
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 110.6| SW:190| 24f]
Created: Sun Mar 25 14:49:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/873lxh/i_had_a_dream_i_binged/

[Rant/Rave] Pizza and the new woman at work.
Created: Sun Mar 25 14:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/873knc/pizza_and_the_new_woman_at_work/
Hey peaches ❤️ hope y’all are having a wonderful Sunday. I’m here to bitch for about 5 minutes. Thanks in advance for listening :)

I work in a group home where the meals that are made are not the healthiest. Ever since I decided I wanted to lose weight again I have been bringing my lunch to work. There is a new girl here in particular that I continuously have issues with.

When I started bringing my lunch in every day, she started claiming that she too was trying to lose weight and eat healthy. That’s great! She asks me every day, “So what’d you bring?” And after I tell her she always makes some weird or disapproving comment. Every day she brings in fast food and also eats the dinner that is made for the residents. Then sits on the couch and tells everyone she is working out and losing. Sure, honey.

If I enter the kitchen to clean or grab my snack she questions me: “What are you doing in there? What are you eating? What are you heating up?” She literally asked me last night as I was eating a granola bar in the kitchen “What you got in your mouth?” I don’t understand why she does this so aggressively. Sometimes her constant questioning helps me restrict because I want to avoid confrontation so badly.
But sometimes she questions me about not eating. I can’t win.

I hate her so much, and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I can’t fucking stand her, and I think today she will see me snap if she doesn’t watch her mouth. I’m on my period and have been pretty good about not bingeing so I decided to bring two slices of leftover pizza. My husband and I have been staying at his father’s house to watch his dog so I haven’t really had access to my healthy foods - I figured it would be easy and would satisfy my crazy period cravings.... Then I got to work and found out she was working today as well. I’m down on the scale so I’m feeling good, but I know as soon as I heat up my pizza she is going to say something and I’m going to unleash on her. I refuse to eat in hiding because of this bitch. Here we go....

[Rant/Rave] Back to my old ways
Created: Sun Mar 25 13:47:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/873669/back_to_my_old_ways/
After 1 1/2 weeks of attempting keto. Restricting slightly still but a real attempt at something ‘healthy’ I am bingeing on very ‘unketo’ foods. It all started when my sister made her fucking cookies the exact way she knows I like. And now I’m sitting here on a Sunday night just turning back to my good ol’ reliable ED behaviours. I am going shopping on Thursday and I reeaally do not want another trip where I just want to cry every time I look in the mirror. Hoping to lose a reasonable amount, even if it’s water weight, it’ll just make me less anxious. I’m not gonna lie, It made me kind of scared that I was eating cheese and cream but I think I’ll feel a lot better sticking with lettuce and just plain eggs. I’m just worried that all the fat I’ve eaten on keto will stay on my body because I’ve eaten carbs? idk man. I’m scared to weigh myself.

[Other] A fly in my soup
/u/breadndread [5'1| 120 | 20| lmaoyeahsure | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 12:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/872ma3/a_fly_in_my_soup/

[Help] The new flavoured Diet Cokes in the skinny cans-- am I wrong or do they taste "spicy"?
/u/holly-mint [5'4" 24F cw: 🐄 gw: 🌸]
Created: Sun Mar 25 11:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/872c95/the_new_flavoured_diet_cokes_in_the_skinny_cans/
My local grocery store had the "zesty blood orange" and "feisty cherry" flavours of Diet Coke in the new 310ml x 8 cases. I love cherry coke zero but in Canada it's pretty much only available in the summer, although I can get it (and vanilla coke zero which I also love) year round from an overpriced imported candy store, so I was hoping the cherry would be similar or the same flavour so I could save money.

However I find that both flavours have a "spicy" aftertaste, the cherry moreso to the point that I typically can't finish the can. I'm not sure if I'm crazy or if there really is a spicy aftertaste to these new flavours??? Has anyone else noticed this???

[Help] best calorie counting app if you eat under 1200?
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 11:47:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/872bwd/best_calorie_counting_app_if_you_eat_under_1200/

[Rant/Rave] I’ve been binging and purging non stop for several weeks now
Created: Sun Mar 25 11:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8724bf/ive_been_binging_and_purging_non_stop_for_several/

[Rant/Rave] Not thin enough
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:50:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871x8w/not_thin_enough/

Does anyone meditate to relieve triggers?
/u/ricemask [5'6" | CW: 150 | -3 | UGW: 115 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:46:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871w98/does_anyone_meditate_to_relieve_triggers/
I eat because I don’t feel a certain way (mostly to calm my anxiety, I don’t have much of an appetite when I’m depressed) and my therapist told me when if I feel like I’m getting anxious, to just take one big deep breath in and out. Could be untrue but it helps slow your body down.

I’m a vegetarian (also helped so much with BED) and I’ll can ever think about is Taco Bell when I’m anxious. I was driving from the gym and all I could think about was getting Taco Bell but I knew i already had dinner at home (broccoli with soy cheese) but I just kept breathing and everything was fine.

I kinda wanna explore meditation at home, does anyone else have any mantras or ways of practicing it?

[Rant/Rave] Skinniest I’ve ever been?!
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:46:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871w7j/skinniest_ive_ever_been/

[Discussion] Been Watching the Big Ward on Netflix...
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871sly/been_watching_the_big_ward_on_netflix/
And does anyone else think about how weird it is that if you’ve had weight loss surgery it’s perfectly acceptable to eat 800-1000 calories a day, but if you haven’t had surgery it’s “unhealthy” and you aren’t eating enough?

[Discussion] Thoughts on laxatives/detox teas?
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871oga/thoughts_on_laxativesdetox_teas/

[Goal] first post here, but finally hit double digits!
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 98.4 lbs | GW: 95 lbs]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871nru/first_post_here_but_finally_hit_double_digits/
I lurk on here constantly on my other account and I finally got the courage to post. I guess I’ve always felt like I wasn’t “sick enough” to post here, but I think I’ve sort of realized I have a problem lately.
But anyway, I got a juul (tiny vape with lots of nicotine) and the nicotine has really helped suppress my appetite. I’ve been restricting a LOT lately and last night I weighed myself and I was 99.8!! I was worried bc I went to mexican after and had to eat, but I weighed myself this morning and I’m down to 98.4 :)) I actually look in the mirror and like my body sometimes, which never used to happen. I still dont like my stomach, but I think I have to exercise to get that to go away.
it feels really good to finally post here :)

[Tip] Ice cream hack = life changing 🍦
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871nd9/ice_cream_hack_life_changing/
Okay so I have found the best way to have real ice cream 🍨! Probably already a thing, but I like to think I invented it last night 😂😂😂

Eddy’s slow churned ice cream ranges from 100-130 cals a serving at 12 servings a container.

Slice that up into 4 servings (you can eyeball or measure with a ruler). The container is completely cylindrical so no tapering or unevenness.

Peel off label after cutting the carton, package in little containers (to avoid binge as much as possible). Boom real ice cream at a low price!

[Discussion] Confused about coworker's comments
/u/follyflop [5'9" | CW: fucking ew | GW: much less | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 10:06:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/871mmn/confused_about_coworkers_comments/
Hey guys! I haven't ever posted before but I definitely love reading all of your posts and I chime in if I have something to add...but I just had a weird thing happen at work. I usually go on lunch by myself, we have a smoking break room, and I'm the only one in my department that really utilizes it, which is nice because I like time to myself, and I definitely like privacy during meals whether I'm eating or not.

So...I've lost like 30 lbs in the last maybe 4 months, most of which was in the first two and I've been kinda all over the place lately. I'll restrict for a day or two and then go crazy and fuck it all up.

Anyway, just now, my coworker (40?f) just sent me a message saying her boyfriend is picking her up for lunch and they are going to taco Bell, and asked if I wanted anything. I politely declined, just honestly because I have to be home after I eat that shit because it fucks so bad with my stomach. She then got kinda pushy saying she worries about me and did I want Jimmy John's or Arby's or something else. Then she asked if I had tried the nacho fries at taco Bell and when I said no she told me I had to, which sounds like a friendly suggestion but it felt super pushy like you need to eat. The thing is, I genuinely think I'm fairly good at hiding my tendencies at work, unless I'm fasting (haven't successfully in a couple months), I generally eat a decent lunch, and I don't B/P so I honestly have zero idea how she caught on to me? I'm just really confused. I'm not skinny yet, and the weight I lost was months ago now...I just...could I be doing something I'm wildly unaware of that's giving me away? Or maybe I'm overreacting and she is worried for some other reason? Have you guys experienced this at all?

[Rant/Rave] Oil
Created: Sun Mar 25 09:02:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8717bj/oil/
Guess who was planning on having cabbage for lunch?
And guess who’s mother drowned the cabbage in oil?
Oil really would have been fine in smaller quantities, being a ‘good fat’ and all... but she probably put about 3 table spoons of it on every individual chunk of cabbage we cut.
I feel so selfish, because we were cooking it a bit earlier (since I was up at 3:30 AM), because I just don’t know if I can eat it now. Oil is scary, at 200 calories per table spoon...
(She just kind of dumped it all on before I could protest lol... I was going to ask for a chunk or two without much/any)

[Rant/Rave] tmi maybe lol
Created: Sun Mar 25 08:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/87153z/tmi_maybe_lol/

[Discussion] Perfect Information
/u/Aleph0-4 [155 cm | 42 kg | BMI 18.25 | 19F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 07:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/870o9q/perfect_information/
I sometimes fantasise about a device that can tell me perfect information about my body with real time updates. It can tell me precise calorie counts of everything I eat and show the amount of fat my body is burning while I exercise to the nearest gram. That way I don't have to agonise over if I've estimated my TDEE accurately and then I can stop overestimating my food calories and underestimating exercise calories to be safe and then worrying and binging then purging anyway I feel like if this existed I would be cured.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 25, 2018
Created: Sun Mar 25 06:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/870bdf/daily_food_diary_march_25_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 25, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Mar 25 06:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/870bbu/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

[Rant/Rave] I keep gaining and losing the same 6 pounds. All because of being social and having an SO kinda, I fucking hate myself
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 155 | -40]
Created: Sun Mar 25 05:44:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8707fe/i_keep_gaining_and_losing_the_same_6_pounds_all/
I promised myself I'd be at a certain weight by my birthday, and I got there.. it was my lowest weight. usually I don't hang out with anybody. I just chill in my room all day and game.. and that's how I lost weight. but I got lonely, so I met people. now that I'm hanging out with others, it's hard to refuse food, estimate how much I'm eating, and control myself. I can easily eat 8000 calories a day but I have to stop myself. this week was my spring break and I stayed over my bf's house, where I gained back the 6 pounds I fucking lost. I'm at my highest weight again like i literally want to die, why am i like this

First time I puked up blood. Im scared to shit now. Please dont purge.
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"1 | 111 lb | -18 lb | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 05:24:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8704qn/first_time_i_puked_up_blood_im_scared_to_shit_now/

First time I puked up blood. Im scared to shit now. Please dont purge.
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"1 | 111 lb | -18 lb | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 05:24:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8704pn/first_time_i_puked_up_blood_im_scared_to_shit_now/

[Intro] not sure where else to put this
/u/throwowawayayy [173cm | 69.3kg | 23.1 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 25 04:42:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86zz7e/not_sure_where_else_to_put_this/
I'm not sure if this post is like, idk, a waste of space or whatever, but I just needed to get it out. If it is a waste of space, I suppose it'll be removed. Also, I should mention that I don't necessarily have an eating disorder per se, and I've never been professionally diagnosed with anything. Any eating disorder, that is. I've been diagnosed with other stuff. Basically:

When I was the youngest I can remember being, food was, hands down, the best thing in my life. I always cleared my plate, not because I lived in one of those households where you had to clear your plate, but because I couldn't fathom having food in front of me or offered to me and turning it down. I was not a picky eater at all - there were few foods that I didn't love simply because they were food. Though I was never hungry, living in a first world country and whatnot, I was pretty much never 'full' either, cos I'd always have room for more. It's a good thing the food was so healthy, or I would've gotten a lot fatter a lot faster. As it was I was at the very top of the normal range.

When I hit puberty, I began feeling inadequate about my body. You know how it goes. This was fuelled by my introduction to anime, with all its cute, skinny characters, around the same time.

As I got older, I got more freedom about my diet, which I used to continue to become overweight. There were a few factors contributing to my weight gain, all of them food. At some point around year eight or nine, I stopped caring about my looks. It wasn't that I thought I was beautiful - I just no longer wanted to be beautiful.

It was clear, though, that I had issues with food which no amount of body positivity would solve. I had a serious case of FOMO when it came to food. In social situations with a large spread of foods, if anything looked even slightly different to food I'd had before, I would HAVE to try a good few mouthfuls, even if it meant refilling my plate multiple times and feeling like I was being judged.

...Okay, I suppose all that isn't super relevant to my current relationship with food. I was just tryna provide some context. I'm so sorry. Anyway, it's about to get relevant now, so bear with me.

At the end of year nine, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and put on medication which completely removed my appetite as a side effect. Lunch became a thing of the past. From morning to afternoon, I wouldn't even think about food. The weight loss crept up on me, without me even realising it at first. I can't even say when it was that I looked in the mirror and I just... wasn't fat anymore.

Unfortunately, as well as appetite suppression and weight loss, another side effect of the drugs I was taking was addiction. I had to be taken off them, because they were fucking up my life in other ways. Which I would go into, but this intro post is already long and boring enough without any tangents.

I stopped taking the drugs, and started eating like it was going out of style. It occurred to me pretty quickly that if I kept doing this, I'd be at a new highest weight in the blink of an eye. And I didn't like that. I started to realise that for my whole life, my body had been completely shaped by my random food cravings, and whatever drugs I may or may not have been on. My skinniness had been given to me by the capricious hand of an uncaring universe in which I had no control, and could be taken from me just as easily. Once I realised that, I could no longer accept not controlling my diet. I started paying more attention to what I ate and how much, determined not to gain back any of my old weight, and hoping to possibly lose more. I didn't start counting calories right away, cos I was afraid that once I started I'd be unable to stop, and it'd change my relationship with food forever. I was right, of course. Since I took up calorie counting, I'll never see almonds the same way again.

I can't remember exactly how things went down after that point, but to bring things to the current day (finally): Since I started restricting, I've just gotten worse and worse at it. I used to go days at a time on <1000. Now I struggle to stay under 2000 some days. I feel terrible. I want to get better but I don't know how. I'm lonely all the time and I don't know how to reach out to people cos I don't know what to talk about. I don't know what I want. Part of me wants to be as skinny as possible, but part of me wants to be strong. If I restrict too much - if I even manage to do that - I feel guilty for not feeding my muscles. If I eat too much, I feel guilty for being a fatass. Exercise is the only thing that feels good and safe and guilt free, but if I spend all my time exercising I feel guilty for not using that time to do school work. I know if I run around trying to achieve multiple goals that clash with each other then I won't achieve any of them, and that just makes me feel guilty for cheating myself out of success with my indecisiveness. And on top of all of this, my past drug problem is offering/threatening to make a comeback, as an immediate yet temporary solution to all my other problems. So...yeah. I'm pretty stressed right now.

Wow... this got really long. Shoutout to anyone who actually took the time to read this, cos if I were you, I probably wouldn't have. I just needed to share this. I've been feeling down ever since I realised, and it's a pretty bleak realisation, but it's true: From as soon as I was allowed to buy my own food, there hasn't been a single moment where I haven't been fat, on drugs, extremely insecure, or all fucking three!!!

Sorry for the long post.

[Discussion] Obsessing over something dumb
Created: Sun Mar 25 02:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86zjoa/obsessing_over_something_dumb/
Does anyone else just obsess over stupid things that happened to you?
I have this specific memory of about a month ago, when my boyfriends mom made a curried chicken dinner for us and his sisters (who are all incredibly thing and beautiful, whereas I'm a gross whale). We all sat down to eat with our portions (me having fasted the day before and most of that day, struggling all the way because I fucking suck at fasting). His mother then joins us, with a small side play with about a tablespoon each of chicken, rice, and sweet potato side. Just the smallest fucking portion. I remember being ridiculously self conscious with my normal sized portion and jealous that I didn't have that kind of self control. I've literally been thinking about that incident since it happened and it's just suuuuch a dumb small thing to obsess over...

[Help] Is it possible to become dependent on glycerin suppositories?
/u/palespirit [5'3" | CW: 105 lbs | GW: 95 lbs]
Created: Sun Mar 25 00:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86z73g/is_it_possible_to_become_dependent_on_glycerin/
Title says it all. Suppositories have been working for me and I like that they work quickly and that you’re not shitting your brains out for hours after using one, but if my body is going to start relying on them I’d rather switch to another method!

Does oolong tea really make you lose weight?
Created: Sun Mar 25 00:41:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86z5xl/does_oolong_tea_really_make_you_lose_weight/

/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:96 / BMI: 18.56 / GW: 85]
Created: Sun Mar 25 00:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86z3pa/welp/

[Help] I just can't get over it
Created: Sun Mar 25 00:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86z3it/i_just_cant_get_over_it/
I've always had an ED since my high school years, but just started seeing a psychiatrist about 6 months ago (secretly too, my parents are.. well let's just say if they found out they'll preach me to death). I've lost about 20 kg since the high school. About 3 months ago, my depression also got worse, making me lose 5 kg in a week, it intensified my ED. And then I fell ill. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks and discharged myself because the doctors couldn't find what was wrong with me (and my family couldn't afford the bill anymore). FYI, my symptoms are really similar to GBS but the hospital held back some test results because I discharged myself (wtf ikr). And during that stay in hospital, I lost another 5 kg.

So after that, I just stayed at home for the recovery. Relying only on ketogenic diet for the therapeutic purposes. My mum who's been in the diet for 2 years monitors me. FYI again, keto doesn't just make you lose weight, it can also make you be at the right weight for you if you're underweight. The thing is.. I know this is sick.. but I was actually super happy that I lost a LOT of weight even though I know it's really dangerous for me. And since I'm underweight, my mum plans my keto diet for weight gain. And I did gain weight. But I just can't shake off the feeling that I don't want this. I don't want to see my scale goes up. I hate myself more and more. Both for not recovering faster and for gaining weight. I just keep finding things to blame myself.

And I can't see my psychiatrist as long as I'm sick and stuck at home too. I'm really a mess. But the fact that I could hide it so well from my parents is just amazing lol. But damn, Idk.

Does H&M size down to 0 or is 4 their smallest size somehow? Why does this tag only go down to 4?
Created: Sat Mar 24 22:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ypx6/does_hm_size_down_to_0_or_is_4_their_smallest/

[Rant/Rave] Restricting makes me feel powerful
/u/keekaroo [5'2 | CW 120 | GW 100 | 20 F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 22:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86yp3n/restricting_makes_me_feel_powerful/
Throwaway account but hello, first post.

I gained 20 pounds when I got to college and recently decided to lose it. But my weight loss so quickly turned into disordered eating. Now I want to lose about 40 pounds overall, and have lost 13 so far.

I love feeling hungry because pushing through it and not eating makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. This worries me because I know this will lead me down a worse path than I'm already on but I love it and I feel sick for it.

I haven't even had a drastic weight loss yet but my friends are already harping on me about an ED. One is up front and super vocal about how she's concerned, the other just subliminally brings up other people with EDs and how they are. If they were talking to me two years ago, thinking about an ED would seem so unrealistic for me. But now when they talk to me about it, I'm almost proud. I hate it and I don't know what changed, but here I am.

My friend today was talking about a friend she thinks has bulimia, and I'm mad at myself for getting jealous. I wish I had the strength to throw up, I'd probably be skinnier by now.

I'm scared for myself, but I love it. I hate it. I make no sense. Maybe someone gets what I'm saying?

[Other] talked in real life with another person with an ED today, for the first time, ever
/u/FGWDQHQ [5'7" | 120.8lbs | 18.85 | -44lbs| F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 22:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86yns1/talked_in_real_life_with_another_person_with_an/
So I've talked before about how my coworker probably (definitely) has an ED. Well, today I was talking about a former coworker and mentioned how they said they had celiac but ate the pitas all the time, and how I don't care what you eat, but you don't have to lie about it. I felt like the ED coworker might take that wrong though, it felt kinda accusatory, and I was like "I support weird diets. I don't care if you literally only eat chocolate. But you don't have to lie."

We went on lunch right after and they asked if I wanted to come out for a cigarette. While out, we just had this really honest discussion where we both said we have an ED and use the control to control our emotions. It was just so.... freeing, to be honest and open with somebody about this part of my life. We had less than 10 minutes to talk but it was just really nice. I've had mildly disordered eating since high school and more seriously disordered eating for at least 6 years and it's just always made me feel so isolated to never, ever talk about. They're moving away this summer so I'm not about to get an ~ED Buddy~ out of it, but I'm glad I finally got to do this thing I've wanted to do for a really long time, without judgment.

[Discussion] I thought my boyfriend had caught on to my ED
Created: Sat Mar 24 22:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86yh98/i_thought_my_boyfriend_had_caught_on_to_my_ed/

[Help] Muffled hearing after getting up?
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-20 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Sat Mar 24 21:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86yf94/muffled_hearing_after_getting_up/
I usually experience the mini blackouts that most people get when they're restricting or fasting like the blackened vision and dizziness.

Today I hadn't eaten until 7ish pm today but around 5 pm I got up out of bed and I immediately experienced the blackout except this one was much longer and stronger. I came out of it extra dazed but was still standing. Then my hearing started slightly ringing and everything was muffled.

I have never once passed out but that really scared the shit out of me as I was just about to go to an event.

Someone on Peach mentioned that I must've gotten up too fast/not drinking enough water. Which is true I drank like a cup today.

If I up my water for the day and get up more slowly will things be fine?... or do I have to force myself to eat more. I also just started an ec stack this week which is my first time.

[Help] Kinda ED. Kinda not.
Created: Sat Mar 24 21:51:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86yerh/kinda_ed_kinda_not/
So this is my first post here, not my first post on Reddit but my first post with this account as well.

I’m struggling but not just with disordered eating. I have a LOT of health problems as well.

It honestly began when I was nauseous and throwing up for no reason for weeks on end. I went to see the doctor and she said “does it REALLY bother you to throw up that much?” Made me think it wasn’t “really” that big of an issue, and I wanted to lose weight anyways, this was just expediting it a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

Then a few months passed, had the same issue. Was underweight and felt miserable because of it. Looked dead, everyone commented on it, hair falling out, pale skin etc.

Saw a GI doctor. Had colonoscopy done, also endoscopy. Found precancerous polyps in the colon, diagnosed with IBS, GERD, and esophagitis. Gave me antacid.

Antacid worked perfectly for 2 months. Then stopped working entirely. GI doctor didn’t care, basically told me it was my own problem to deal with. Saw another GI doctor.

New doc prescribed me Carafate, which is for ulcers, to take on top of nexium. At max dose for nexium and Carafate. Can’t poop now so taking laxatives 2x/week. Feel bloated most of the time.

Finally start to gain weight and I’m at a healthy weight—yay!!! Right? Except no. Because I still want to be underweight. Can’t stand to be even at the bare minimum. Skip my nexium and Carafate for one day, throw up relentlessly the next and can’t poop.

So basically it’s a combination of my own body destroying me + me not helping. To make it more complicated, I’m on an antipsychotic, Geodon. That causes INSANE appetite 2 hours after I take it. Sometimes it seems like the nexium and Carafate won’t work unless I take them WITH the Geodon, but then I can’t STOP eating which is just as stressful for me. I feel out of control. My psychiatrist isn’t going to work with my GI doctor, and my GI doctor isn’t going to work with my psychiatrist.

I am trapped in a cycle, I take all my meds like I’m supposed to, I eat a lot. Gain some weight. Panic. Don’t take my meds. Vomit, shit a lot. Lose the weight in 2 days. Take them again because I panic from not being able to eat either. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It’s sickening and obviously horrible for my mental health (I take the antipsychotic for mood stabilization and legit psychosis, so going without it for long enough could literally kill me). I feel like shit. I feel guilty. I feel like I don’t really have an eating disorder, I just have IBS and GERD, and nobody cares about either of them so why should I. The last time I saw my GI doctor I told her I couldn’t poop for 4 days or more and she said “well that’s a problem” And nothing else. No solutions, no suggestions, no help. People who love me care but can’t help me. People who can help me don’t give a fuck. I can’t bear to be at a healthy weight anymore. I don’t know why, I can’t even explain it. It’s so illogical and stupid honestly. I was 30 pounds heavier than this for years and I was perfectly fine. Why now? Thanks for reading if you got this far.

[Rant/Rave] Had to draw how I thought I looked for therapy she's says they are off I beg to differ
Created: Sat Mar 24 20:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86y0sg/had_to_draw_how_i_thought_i_looked_for_therapy/

Boyfriends Friends GFs all Thinner than Me
/u/firexsign [5'4" | 142 | 24.4 | GW:105 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 20:30:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xzmt/boyfriends_friends_gfs_all_thinner_than_me/
My boyfriend is a Korean exchange student. Just for kicks, I instagram stalked some of his Korean friends and got glimpses into their lives. All of their girlfriends are beautiful. ED level skinny, flawless skin, and a fuck-ton of great plastic surgery. I feel like such a fat, American slob in comparison. Some of his friends are currently visiting him in the US and I now understand why he hasn't invited me to meet any of them. He's ashamed of me. I'm currently sad B/P-ing and just wanted to vent. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] Finally got below 130
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 20:29:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xzi9/finally_got_below_130/
....i'm only 129.8 but holy shit!!!

After I lost nearly 30 pounds in three months and then just starting at 130-135 for like 8 months I finally weighed myself and am at 129.8. I couldn't be happier. And ....i'm on my period no less. It's just amazing ....i'm so glad.

[Discussion] isolating myself so i don’t have to be in a situation where i have to eat
Created: Sat Mar 24 20:28:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xzb8/isolating_myself_so_i_dont_have_to_be_in_a/
does anyone else do this?? i haven’t been out for weeks because i know people will try to make me eat and judge me for how i eat

[Discussion] I cried in a restaurant today
/u/motivatedcactus [5'3" | CW 113 | BMI 20.57 | UGW skinny | 18F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 20:15:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xwt5/i_cried_in_a_restaurant_today/
My ED was never a big deal. I felt like I could stop whenever I wanted, I just didn’t want to. But lately it’s taken more control over me. So much more. All I’ve wanted lately was to be able to be normal again. To be able to go out to a diner and shoot the shit with my boyfriend and be normal. I decided fuck Ed, I’m going out. We went to a farmers market and then to a diner.

I stared at that menu for like 30 minutes guys. Flipping through the pages, agonizing over what I wanted vs what I should get. I broke down and cried. In public, in a restaurant, looking at a menu. Thankfully I managed to stop and we didn’t have to leave but god damn... it was so embarrassing... all I wanted was a normal meal with my honey...

I got a ham and Swiss panini with fries and coleslaw. I ate the coleslaw, half the fries, and a third of the panini. It was hard, but it was good, and it felt good. Like a big fuck you to Ed. Even though now I’m guilty. Ugh. I wish I had the power to reverse this now.

[Discussion] thoughts/feelings on not looking your own age?
Created: Sat Mar 24 19:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xpmn/thoughtsfeelings_on_not_looking_your_own_age/
i look extremely young for being an adult and its always bothered me but since things have gotten worse, i feel like i look even younger now. i absolutely hate it but also... kind of like it? i feel like this is an odd thing to bring up but im curious about how other people feel and also a bit lonely rn

[Discussion] Growing up, how did your family influence the way you view your body?
Created: Sat Mar 24 19:23:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xm04/growing_up_how_did_your_family_influence_the_way/
Consciously or subconsciously. I feel like a lot of us grew up with mothers or sisters who had their own issues with this stuff. Or maybe some of us really internalized family members’ comments made in passing about their own bodies.

I remember my older, neurotypical, relatively thin sister standing in front of a mirror, grabbing at her fat and pointing out where she needed to lose weight. Right in front of her three much younger sisters. Being a very chubby kid, it just stuck with me, like “oh, I guess I’m supposed to hate myself too. And if she thinks she’s fat, what does that say about me?”

My obese mom and overweight grandmother would constantly talk about dieting and weight loss whenever they’d get together. I also feel like growing up with obese family made me repulsed by the idea of being fat.

I’m determined to set a much, much better example for my future children. I can’t help but think my family should’ve had the foresight to know not to talk like they did in front of young impressionable girls.

[Rant/Rave] Lmao
Created: Sat Mar 24 18:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86xeth/lmao/

[Discussion] What could you buy for 1 year of binging?
Created: Sat Mar 24 17:00:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86wq9n/what_could_you_buy_for_1_year_of_binging/
I was thinking about what a binge costs and how much money I would save by not binging. So I did the calculations. If I spend (conservatively) $70/wk on food that ultimately gets B/P'd, then in 1 yr of not binging I'd save over $3,600! That's an international vacation with all expenses paid. As someone who lives to travel, that's motivation for me.

How much would you save in a year without binging and what would you spend that money on?

Supersize v superskinny on Ch4
Created: Sat Mar 24 16:41:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86wlyx/supersize_v_superskinny_on_ch4/
So many questions.

Is there a subreddit/forum on this show? I can't stop watching and have so many opinions on every episode.

I'm aware that the BBC is publicly funded, and that the NHS is as well.

So it makes sense that shows like this are produced in order to address the obesity issue in the UK. Ours in the US is way worse, so I wish we had content like this available to the public!

The bits with Anna Richardson are sort of stale, tbh, but I wish I could watch the food lab/diet swap exclusively.

Anyone else into this show? I found it when I was on a Youtube binge of Secret Eaters. I'm so interested in watching people break through their denial.

Is there a similar show im missing out on?

[Discussion] Weight and sexual harassment
/u/peppermintschnapps55 [BMI 23 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 16:33:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86wk64/weight_and_sexual_harassment/
(On mobile tag as discussion) have any of you noticed that the amount of sexual harassment you receive varies wildly depending on your weight? When I was overweight I got left alone most of the time. I thought maybe it was my weight or maybe partially the way I dressed. Nope. 100% my weight. I can go out in sweatpants and three day greasy hair and I’ll still get guys catcalling me from their cars or even just on the street. A few weeks ago I even had a guy try to follow me. Generally I’m happy that I’m thinner but Jesus Christ, i am so sick of this. Have any of you had similar experiences?

[Rant/Rave] My parents are forcing me into treatment.
Created: Sat Mar 24 16:04:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86wdoj/my_parents_are_forcing_me_into_treatment/

[Help] Getting past that "clear watery goop" stage of purging
Created: Sat Mar 24 15:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86w0v4/getting_past_that_clear_watery_goop_stage_of/

[Discussion] I am gonna reach my goal weight for good. (An update)
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57.1kg | BMI 18.86 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 25F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 15:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86vz7y/i_am_gonna_reach_my_goal_weight_for_good_an_update/
So I moved country, turned my life upside down, I gained a load of weight (last scale measurement read 62kg) and I'm working on getting it back down. People are starting to admit to me now that I've gained weight when they used to tell me that I hadn't.

I'm eating 1200 calories a day again, even though these last few days have been a bit bingey, I've almost completed the first round of PIIT28 and tomorrow is actually the last day. I am going to make April an amazing month. I was 62kg last April I think, because that's when I went to Paris (I remember being pissed off I wasn't 58kg yet haha)

My boyfriend actually told me that I looked leaner!!! We started going out in February, and he met me mid-January which is when I was at my heaviest. He is proud of me for sticking with the workout and healthy eating. Bless him. If only he knew.

I am currently eating on a daily basis:

Breakfast: porridge (120-130kcal)
Snacks: bananas (121kcal each - I usually have 2 a day), porridge in the evening if I get hungry (120-130kcal again...depends on the brand)
Lunch: rice, green beans and either soy sauce or sriracha (350kcal ish)
Dinner: same as lunch or rice, mushrooms and onions (fried in water not in oil) (350kcal ish again)

This takes me to around 1200-1300kcal. I also walk over 10k steps a day (we average at about 14k) and do a PIIT workout every morning. Apart from rest days. 1200-1300kcal is quite high for me but it gives me a lot less stress.

I think my goals for restarting PIIT again on Monday are the following:

- Stay at 1200-1300kcal
- Spend more time doing things for myself - I get less stressed and this means that I don't binge/overeat whatever. I hate it when people want me to do things with them and we then end up in a restaurant.
- Don't take money with me - that way even if the binge monster strikes, it can go fuck off because I can't satiate it.
- Drink 2 glasses of water a day. I'm a pain in the ass for just surviving on coke zero.
- Sleep for 7 hours a night.

I am aiming for 50kg. I reckon I weigh around 63kg now. I'm too scared to weigh myself. I'm going to go with how my clothes feel. That's safer in my opinion. I won't spiral then.

What are lines you won't cross with your ED?
/u/_what_the_truck [Height 5'4 | CW 127 | LW: 103 | GW: 110 | Gender F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 14:49:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86vvq8/what_are_lines_you_wont_cross_with_your_ed/
I know it's different for everyone. Lines I won't cross:

-purging--don't want to fuck up my teeth and stomach

-taking adderall--watched my sister get addicted so never for me.

Lines I have crossed:

-Took crazy internet appetite suppressants that gave me migraines

-Fasted when I knew it would throw me into a depression

-used party drugs as an excuse not to eat


[Rant/Rave] I want to have literally no butt
Created: Sat Mar 24 14:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86vulj/i_want_to_have_literally_no_butt/
So like I hate all the "usual suspect" body parts people do, stuff like fat stomach and thighs and everything, but I honestly really hate my butt more than just about anything. I am one of those people worrying about breasts sagging or getting smaller but I can't sympathize at all with wanting to have a normal butt or whatever. I seriously just want it to go away.

The last guy I was with was just ass-obsessed, eating ass and anal sex and everything, and I hated every minute of that. Aside from just being totally unarousing and disgusting to me in general the anal sex in particular just felt so awful to me, it gave me chills all over my body and made me feel like my organs were twisting around inside me. Extremely painful no matter what we tried, it would put me on the brink of tears. And even though I hated it so, so much I would go along with it all the time because he said he would dump me if I didn't and my self esteem was so low I didn't think I could get anyone else. Half the reason I started restricting was because I figured if I wasn't fat it wouldn't be such an uphill battle to find a guy willing to go out with me.

But I'm just so afraid to put myself out there again because I'm afraid so many guys are like this now and all this awful ass stuff has become normalized. If I thought a guy had any interest in that at all it would honestly probably be a deal-breaker for me. I want to be skinny enough that I just have no ass and I hope that will just keep them all away from me forever and I can forget that this ever happened to me.

I know I'm fucked up but I just want to get this off my chest, uggghhh

[Discussion] new here and wondering if anyone else drinks most of daily calories
Created: Sat Mar 24 14:39:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86vt8o/new_here_and_wondering_if_anyone_else_drinks_most/
I try to not eat much and drink most of my calories and workout. That is how Ive maintained my weight in the last year. I had knee surgery 8 weeks ago and got a DUI 34 days ago. My two biggest life coping skills, drinking alcohol and training. These both are gone and Im wondering if there is anyone else here that drinks a shit load of the daily calories and tries not to eat.

[Rant/Rave] I lost my abs
Created: Sat Mar 24 14:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86vqzd/i_lost_my_abs/

[Intro] I’m back.
/u/i-want-to-be-little [5’2” | LW: 109.5 | CW: 119.4 | 18F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 13:31:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86vd81/im_back/
Two months ago after I nearly passed out twice on my way to the gym, I said “fuck you” to my ED and tried to recover. Screw that. I gained ten pounds over the past two months. I need to be back at 110 again and I’m trying to figure out how to stop going over my calorie limits. I can’t exercise for a week because I have a concussion, so all I can do is restrict.

What’s helped you get back on track?

[Rant/Rave] Eugenia Cooney... I cant
Created: Sat Mar 24 13:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86v84a/eugenia_cooney_i_cant/

[Discussion] Anyone have good/bad experiences on bupropion (generic Wellbutrin)
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 13:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86v6pl/anyone_have_goodbad_experiences_on_bupropion/
I just started yesterday. I've heard from some people they eat less on it anyway since it can affect appetite. I've also heard it can affect electrolytes or be affected by electrolyte imbalance (which is why a lot of people who purge are not prescribed it due to risk of seizure).

I guess I'm curious, since even people who don't have an ED report eating less, I'm guessing light restriction may not be a huge risk. If anyone has had good or bad experiences on it in terms of taking it as someone with an ED or if it helped your mental health, I'd like to hear! I've read some people saying it really helped them, others saying it did nothing or made things worse. For me, it's too soon to tell. Thanks!

Also I have insulin resistant PCOS, if that's an extra component anyone wanted to know.

My son called me fat last night.
Created: Sat Mar 24 12:58:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86v4yg/my_son_called_me_fat_last_night/
So my 5 year old told me I am fat. I had a baby in 2016 and some of the weight won't fall off like it did with my first. I have about 20-25 pounds that I need to loose, at least! I would really like to loose 30-35 though. I am no good at eating healthy and I don't have a healthy relationship with food. I feel like the only way I am going to see results is to restrict calories. I know it's a dangerous path but I feel like I have to do something. My husband is sweet and says I still look good but I know I don't. I feel repulsive and I just want to feel attractive again. Literally NONE of my clothes fit and it makes me hate myself. I have decided that tomorrow I am going to being restricting. Hopefully it works. I am scared of ending up in a binge and purge cycle, that's my biggest fear. I feel like there is no one I can talk to about this. I feel like if I do talk to anyone they will tell me I am being silly. I'm feeling very frustrated right now.

[Rant/Rave] BEETS
Created: Sat Mar 24 11:47:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86un2d/beets/
For under 100 calories I can consume enough beets to make me physically sick from being full AND induce a bowel movement B-)

Obsession taking over my mind
Created: Sat Mar 24 10:39:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86u6lv/obsession_taking_over_my_mind/
I am a dynamic person, I have a good job, I fire dance, I write poetry, I sing and write songs etc. But about two weeks ago after a b/p I found thinspo and I have been barely thinking of anything else. Its the first thing I do when I wAke up now when it was writing before. I remember in the thin documentary the girl saying "I used to have a personality" ugh. I still want to have my personality I just need to be thin too. Im 135 pounds and I am OVER being fat. Maybe this is just becAuse I just broke up with my bf. Blah! I like it tho

[Tip] Any fasting tips?
Created: Sat Mar 24 10:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86u5hp/any_fasting_tips/

[Goal] For the first time in my life, I fully believe that someone loves me and thinks my feelings are always valid.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 140 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 10:31:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86u4qj/for_the_first_time_in_my_life_i_fully_believe/
My best friend and I had a huge argument today, and it went similarly to how it always goes when I am the one to bring up an issue. Btw my friend and I started out dating, but recently I decided that I don't know what kind of relationship I want with them, so I'm just calling them my best friend for now, because that is accurate. The arguments that start with me bringing up an issue I have always start with me saying my issue, and then my friend explains themselves, and then I get mad because I feel like they are making excuses, and the cycle continues. Today's argument ended terribly. But then right after, a lot of what had been said in this specific argument (along with thinking about the past 2 years that we've known each other) clicked for me. My friend immediately explains themselves **because they automatically accept my feelings as valid and just don't say anything because they've done that for their entire life. They aren't used to someone like me who has never felt like anyone automatically accepts her feelings as valid.** I cried really hard and felt so guilty and sorry for all the times my trust issues has made me hurt them. They thankfully called back, and I apologized through my sobs, and they cried, and we both were so healed by that realization of mine. I'm 26, and this is the first time in my life that I've fully believed someone loves me and automatically and inherently accepts my feelings as valid. I just wanted to share this with you all, because I know most of us struggle with similar issues to this. Hang in there, everyone <3

[Rant/Rave] What the crap happened to MFP!? Has anyone had this happen to them after completing a diary entry??
/u/Thynnmintz [5'10''| CW 279 |-5 lbs |GW 154| 25 F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 10:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86u3g9/what_the_crap_happened_to_mfp_has_anyone_had_this/

[Discussion] Do ice baths really work?
Created: Sat Mar 24 10:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86u1be/do_ice_baths_really_work/

[Rant/Rave] showed my boss an old photo of me today where i was about 15-20 kilos heavier
Created: Sat Mar 24 09:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86tt1l/showed_my_boss_an_old_photo_of_me_today_where_i/

been plateauing since monday??
/u/tsumanne [5'4" | 135 | 23.2| -19 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 09:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86tju2/been_plateauing_since_monday/

[Help] PANIC. Gained 3,3 pounds in five days HELP.
/u/Lunnaris [5' | CW: 134,4 | UGW: 110,2 | 24F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 09:00:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86tjis/panic_gained_33_pounds_in_five_days_help/
I was so happy because I was slowly getting there by high restriction (a sandwich or a cookie a day + two types of weight loss pills) but I went on holiday for five weeks and I had to pretend so I ate a lot and I put on 1’5kg. I’m shaking. Now I need to get used to fasting again or maybe try low kcal meals ??? I don’t know please help.

[Rant/Rave] I never thought I'd get this bad, but here I am.
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 133 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Sat Mar 24 08:55:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ti8i/i_never_thought_id_get_this_bad_but_here_i_am/

I’ve been losing but still feel fat?
Created: Sat Mar 24 08:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86tbwu/ive_been_losing_but_still_feel_fat/
I lost weight but when i bend down or just in general i feel my belly feeling all fat and icky, I’ve been losing despite b/ping 2-3 times recently. Maybe it’s bloating? I don’t know but I’m scared that I’m just really fat despite losing so I’m hoping it’s bloating from laxatives and purging. I took 10 in like 3 days (really bad ik) so I’m probably retaining water weight. Someone please help me get some idea of what’s going on because I’m really anxious. I’m either delusional or retaining water weight.

[Help] I just binged a megaton and couldn’t purge any out...why???!!
Created: Sat Mar 24 06:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86snlw/i_just_binged_a_megaton_and_couldnt_purge_any/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 24, 2018
Created: Sat Mar 24 06:11:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86smzt/stupid_questions_saturday_march_24_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 24, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 24, 2018
Created: Sat Mar 24 06:10:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86smyf/daily_food_diary_march_24_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 24, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] What do you think about subliminals?
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [170| 54| 18.6|f]
Created: Sat Mar 24 05:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86sdrk/what_do_you_think_about_subliminals/

What did it take for you to tell your partner?
Created: Sat Mar 24 05:07:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86sdqk/what_did_it_take_for_you_to_tell_your_partner/
Especially if you relapsed or developed an ED during the relationship (so presumably they weren’t receiving live updates)?

I was supposed to stop this when I got to my GW (I was very aware that’s not how EDs work but was happily deluding myself). Now I’ve reached my GW and I want to stop but I don’t know if I can. But I want to get better by myself. I don’t want to tell him any of the stupid and/or gross things I do. I don’t want to worry him. I don’t want him to interfere.

What was your “ah fuck I can’t keep this in anymore, I can’t deal with this alone” moment?

Sorry mods - mobile as always - discussion

[Help] Horrible headache + fatigue + dry eyes
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | too much / GW: 53kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 24 04:39:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86s9zz/horrible_headache_fatigue_dry_eyes/
Hey guys. So I've been restricting and I cycle my cals (3 days 500, 4 days 800) and I've just started but I feel like crap. I keep getting horrible headaches, fatigue and my eyes are sooooo dry. I took a lax yesterday, and thought that I was probably dehydrated because of it. I also drank broth and water. I'm not sure why I am still feeling hammered. Any ideas?

3lbs in one day
Created: Sat Mar 24 04:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86s8eg/3lbs_in_one_day/
As you can probably tell this is a throwaway account, but I lost 3 pounds yesterday. Apparently I burned 555 calories from walking, and I had about 800, give or take. So yeah I know this is probably water weight but it feels damn good.

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel annoyed by this new obsession with lifting weights
Created: Sat Mar 24 03:38:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86s24y/dae_feel_annoyed_by_this_new_obsession_with/
I say 'new', but I just mean it seems over the past couple of years that lifting has become much more of a mainstream gym activity for people, not just huge men.

I see people constantly recommending lifting as though it's the holy grail of exercise. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for anyone who has found something that works for them, but it feels like it's just another aesthetic that I'll never reach.

I read a lot of people suggesting that cardio isn't good enough to get a nice body, that your body will look so much better if you start lifting, blah blah... Like okay my body will not look nice ever!

Sorry this was just a little ramble, feeling quite demotivated at the moment.

I’ve gained weight and I don’t want to see anybody in case they notice
Created: Sat Mar 24 03:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ryxc/ive_gained_weight_and_i_dont_want_to_see_anybody/
I have plans with my friends today and my family tomorrow, I don’t want them to notice how much weight I’ve gained but it’s difficult to hide, especially around the thighs and bum area. It’s really causing me a lot of anxiety. I wish there was something I could do to look slimmer. I’m wearing control underwear, and high heels to make my thighs look slimmer, but it’s not enough. I’m almost panicking at the thought of seeing anybody. I’m so frustrated that there’s nothing I can do.

[Discussion] Binging or treating yourself
/u/Sb22312 [170 cm| 134 | 21.05|-16lb]
Created: Sat Mar 24 02:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86rwnw/binging_or_treating_yourself/
How do you guys class the difference between a binge and like wanting to treat yourself

[Rant/Rave] The misguided helpful comments.
/u/Startled_Butterfly [5'5" | CW 126 | GW 108 | LW 108 | 21.2]
Created: Sat Mar 24 02:25:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86rtc0/the_misguided_helpful_comments/
My husband knows all I do is binge on fast food, restrict, repeat. He gets that I want to be skinny, like how I always was until the end of last year. When we got together I was BMI 18.3 and so confident in myself. All I wanted to do was skip around in one of his shirts and some underwear. Lol no one wants to skip when they can feel their love handles flapping like bird wings.

And I think he's starting to understand that how I feel about myself isn't super logical, in that it doesn't really help for HIM to be attracted to me if I'M not attracted to me.

But for several months it was comments like, "Your butt is getting big... Your hamburger diet is working," and other comments about how parts of me are getting bigger and he likes it. He says that stuff to be nice, and maybe because he really does like how I look now, but every time he says something like that I suddenly feel as huge and dense as a neutron star.

I told him I don't like to be called big, or any part of me to be called big, so now he uses "small" adjectives instead and it just feels fake. All future compliments ruined by a big butt comment made four months ago. The big butt comment that cleared my head tonight when alllllllll I wanted was to eat.

So today I just had a pork chop, some carrots, a cup of macaroni, and Dr Pepper for wakefulness. Closing out way under TDEE, today was a success and I'm excited to weigh myself tomorrow morning. Thanks, husband. :P

How can i get out of the habit of purging?
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | high | large | Gender: death]
Created: Sat Mar 24 01:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86rpa7/how_can_i_get_out_of_the_habit_of_purging/
I'm a low carb high fat vegan at college.

**ALL** the options in the dining halls are high carb in the morning (I've tried.) so my breakfast is always high carb.

So then I throw it up, but then later on I'm craving carbs because I had a taste in the morning, and then the purge cycle continues.

Its gotten so bad I wake up at noon every day to avoid this cycle, but then I miss a TON of classes.

*I really need to go to my class tomorrow morning*

...but if I do - I'll purge all day :(

[Other] i didn't weigh myself tonight because i knew it'd be inflammatory
/u/cheeruphoney [155cm | 91.6kg 🐀]
Created: Fri Mar 23 23:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86r6vz/i_didnt_weigh_myself_tonight_because_i_knew_itd/
i havent weighed myself in a long time, and instead gauge how thin i am based on my thigh gap and how show-y my ribcage is which is.. fine to me maybe. weighing myself usually puts me into a very bad headspace and i dont really like how i look currently but avoided doing so on the basis of nearly being on my period (bloat) eating (food and water weight) and knowing that it just.. wouldnt be a good idea for my headspace?

its not a big deal maybe..its a very very small thing but i think its good that i still do have..or have more specifically gotten back some control over my impulsions which is.. a very good amount of why i have EDs in the first place. i had a phase in my ed last year where i would purge anything i ate in absolute fear of the number on the scale, gaining weight, water-weight or so be it and looking or god forbid getting heavier so sometimes self moderation like this is nice

i feel okay maybe
my ed is rooted in very many things inside me some of which i will never be rid of but being able to take back the reigns of it even in stressful times did make me feel a little better tonight. im not in recovery but my body does deserve care, i think

sorry for the mostly useless blog post everyone

[Other] Feel better
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 23:22:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86r3u2/feel_better/

[Rant/Rave] A RAMBLE (and also does anyone restrict before their period?)
Created: Fri Mar 23 23:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86r1xl/a_ramble_and_also_does_anyone_restrict_before/
Ok, so I'm afraid to eat certain things but not others???? Like I have to go to some italian restaurant tomorrow and I don't want to eat anything and im stressed!!! but today I ate a cinnamon roll and a cookie without feeling anything. What the fuck lmao. Can anyone relate to this djskdjdkd. I think it might be because it's so heavy?? idk it really makes no sense. It's more of like a gut feeling?

Also, my first real restriction thing started like a month or two ago, but I've been looking back and I've been restricting for like a week before my period? Idk what that means. Like every month for a little bit I just don't want to eat and I'll restrict. This leaves and then I eat normal afterwards until the next month. The only time I binged was after last month's restriction because I've never gone that extreme? IDK JUST A RAMBLE

OH ALSO!!!! Today I was going to eat more crackers but I told myself no and BAM no crackers gg nerds

[Help] I just wanna stop
Created: Fri Mar 23 22:50:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qypt/i_just_wanna_stop/
I just had a pretty bad binge. Killed half a jar of almond butter and a bit of peanut butter, the remainder of my SkinnyPop mini popcorn cakes and some salsa, so I chugged some water and immediately ran to the bathroom and purged that shit as best as I could. I feel terrible. I don’t think I got even half of it out. I know some of the nut butters came out, and a bit of the popcorn cakes. Ugh, I gotta cut this shit out.

I want to purge, but I'm making this post instead.
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Fri Mar 23 22:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qweh/i_want_to_purge_but_im_making_this_post_instead/
I just binged. I want to purge so so so badly. I'm a week purge free, and I am not ready to give up quite yet. So, here are some concrete reasons I will NOT purge right now:

1) I'm predisposed for esophageal cancer, and purging will only increase the risk.

2) I am a dental hygiene QUEEN. Why work so hard to maintain my teeth cleaning routine if I'm just going to ruin my teeth?

3) Purging has actually been hindering my progress! I overeat just a tiny bit, and decide I might as well binge to make purging "worth it." If I remove purging as an option, perhaps my binges will be less frequent and less severe.

4) I work as a preschool teacher. I've been restricting pretty hard lately, and I've noticed that I've lost a bit of the energy I need to do my job well. I can already feel my body responding positively to the nutrients I just gave it. I will be grateful for the temporary boost in energy.

Post your reasons not to purge!

[Rant/Rave] I don't understand where I belong- am I healthy? Do I have an ED? UGH.
Created: Fri Mar 23 22:07:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qrd8/i_dont_understand_where_i_belong_am_i_healthy_do/
I come to this site for... something, I don't know what. I used to do the whole restrict/binge cycle. After a while I got binge eating disorder. Now I've lost all feeling and I think I eat a normal amount but I don't know how much and I don't care. I have disordered thoughts but idk if that's leftover from before or if I continue to have a ED. I just want to feel. I want to lose weight still, despite gaining weight. I've given up on losing weight but I still wish I could. I wish I had some feeling back, so it could motivate me into restricing. I don't know if I am numb + non ED, or if I am fake ED by coming here all the time for no reason, or if I have an ED. I am really confused. whatever.

[Discussion] What are your favorite Bai flavors?
/u/patriotsfan4life [5'2 | CW: 100 | GW: 70 | 14F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 22:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qqy5/what_are_your_favorite_bai_flavors/
I tried Bai drinks for the first time today. I tried the San Paulo strawberry lemonade, and it's surprisingly good and only has 10 cal per bottle. I also have the peach iced tea flavor in my fridge, which I'm going to try tomorrow, so I'm really excited for that.

What's your favorite / least favorite flavor of Bai? Do you have any other lower-calorie drink brands to recommend? Please comment below- I'd love to hear from you all! :)

Fucking meetings
Created: Fri Mar 23 22:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qqcr/fucking_meetings/
Not strictly ED-related as there’s some bonus gender dysphoria thrown in. Tag as help please!

Aaaargh I have a work meeting on Monday I had completely forgot about. It’s company-wide so will have all my coworkers, managers, ceo, etc there. We usually contract out to locations so see clients heaps but hardly ever coworkers. It’s an odd setup but it works well.

Since starting I have lost 18lb and chopped off 2/3 of my hair. I love wearing gender neutral layers but it’s summer and so hot 😒 all the men wear chino shorts (which would look unprofessional and childish on me) and all the women wear thin floaty skirts and singlets (which just makes me feel so unbearably uncomfortable). I don’t want weight loss to be obvious 😬

Anyone (preferably fellow not-out NB/trans people) have advice for wardrobes in a “smart casual” environment??

That moment when people tell you you're looking skinny
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 69kg |BMI27| 6kg| GW50kg | 21F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 21:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qpc5/that_moment_when_people_tell_you_youre_looking/

Weight loss after ED recovery
Created: Fri Mar 23 21:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qi5g/weight_loss_after_ed_recovery/
I know this post isn’t in the spirit of this sub but I don’t know where to post it. This community was really helpful to me in my most unhappy times and I still read it occasionally as I feel no one understands me quite as well.

I think I’m mostly recovered from an eating disorder that began as a diet when I was obese. Im much happier than I was then it of course my biggest fear came true: I got fat. I want and need to lose weight and feel I’m finally ready to try but so much of what is advised normally puts me in dangerous territory of slipping back into my ED brain. Specifically calorie counting and cardio.

Do any of you know of any resources for people with EDs trying to do it the “right way?”

[Rant/Rave] I'm a captive of my body and I want out.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 18 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 21:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qepq/im_a_captive_of_my_body_and_i_want_out/
I'm probably going to binge tonight, because I feel like shit and I have no self-control. Regardless of whether I become an emaciated corpse or not, I'll have to drag this disgusting hunk of flesh around for the rest of my life. When people look at me, they'll never be able to see me. I hate my shapeless face covered in blackheads and pimples and my massive slobbery lips, I hate my cheek pouches and my creepy fucking monotone voice that gets me mistaken for a man, I hate my hawkish nose that juts out of my doughy blob of a face. I never want to leave my room again.

[Help] I think my mom has an ED
Created: Fri Mar 23 20:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qbxy/i_think_my_mom_has_an_ed/

[Other] New ED forum for you guys to try out [MPA alternative]
Created: Fri Mar 23 20:45:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qbvf/new_ed_forum_for_you_guys_to_try_out_mpa/
Hi guys,

I know a lot of you guys aren't in favor of myproana.com. And those who do use it should be well aware of the annoying glitches that have been occurring with the site for the past several months.

So, as a solution, some members have created an alternative to MPA. It's a much, much smaller community, so I thought r/proED would be pretty receptive to it.


The flu fast!
Created: Fri Mar 23 20:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qbm1/the_flu_fast/
Havent really been able to fast because I work a physically demanding job where I have to lift a little boy in and out of his wheel chair several times a day. But I have been wanting to spend a whole day with out food and now that im home sick, I can! Yaaaay. I'll take what I can get, but honestly feel like doodoo and will be happy to be over this. The crazy thing is that I feel like most people in my condition wouldn't want to eat, like it would be easy. They wouldn't even consciously think about it they would just do it, but Im like having to talk myself away from the kitchen.

[Rant/Rave] I’m so fucking fat and over it
/u/Hollyfoot [5’9” | 95lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 23 20:44:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86qbgo/im_so_fucking_fat_and_over_it/
After four years of purging daily, I finally reached out to a professional for help.
My flair is a lie; I’m up to 110 fucking pounds. My stomach is protruding like a pig. My arms are sausages and I fucking hate everything about everything.
I don’t know what I want anymore. I used to think I looked gross as a 95lb skeleton but now at 110lbs I feel a loss of pride.
I’m also drunk so that’s probably not helping.
Another thing; I had mouth surgery and popped a stitch while purging because I’m a fuckwad.

Jesus Christ I’m a fucking mess.

[Other] Mind blown
/u/Thynnmintz [5'10''| CW 279 |-5 lbs |GW 154| 25 F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 20:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86q6ac/mind_blown/

[Discussion] Jealousy while watching movies
Created: Fri Mar 23 19:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86q080/jealousy_while_watching_movies/
Does anyone else get irrationally jealous when watching a movie, and some topless woman gets up out of bed, and you can see her spine—even while she’s just sitting up and not bent over? This is a back shot, of course. I get this wave of annoyance that wells up inside of me. The woman usually isn’t even crazy thin. I don’t get it. It kinda pisses me off, and I don’t know why.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a fucking fake
Created: Fri Mar 23 19:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86pw72/i_feel_like_a_fucking_fake/
I feel like I fake this. I have a fake eating disorder. It’s for attention. Even though I’m so humiliated about it and only very few of my closest friends know about it and I don’t discuss it with them ever. I hate it. I feel so fucking ashamed and like I’m a liar. I was good for a while but I can feel it coming back. The fucking obsessive thoughts. I’ve eaten three bagels today. THREE. Right now I’m sitting in my car alone at night eating chips with cheese dip that’s fucking disgusting. I had a chocolate bar and liquorice too. That’s after a full dinner. I feel like I’m getting out fo control again. I hate this. I’m crying over my old bf who I BROKE UP WITH six months ago and have been totally fine until recently. Fuck this.

I just feel like such a fucking fake.

Sorry if this is fucked I’m on mobile and have never posted before.

[Rant/Rave] I am so tired of this cycle...
/u/luxiocharms [5'2"| 113lbs |F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 19:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86pvxe/i_am_so_tired_of_this_cycle/
So for months I've suffered from IBS-C. I use laxatives often, and still I am always bloated, pudgy, etc. Starting back in August, I stopped eating normally, with extreme restrictions and midnight binges, on top of /severe/ laxative use. I was not happy, and I still am not happy. I see myself in the mirror everyday and I am so disappointed. However, my dad was discussing with me the failure of my bowels and concluded (he works in the medical profession) that nothing is working because I simply do not eat enough, so I have been trying really hard to not be so calorie-neurotic, as well as eat a "healthy" amount. Today, so far an okay day, my mom says to me "are you really going to eat all that?" and I just snapped. I want to throw up. I want to start skipping my meals again. I want to somehow regain control again by succumbing to these dark desires I know make me miserable. I just need to rant and drink my tea, I suppose. Tomorrow I am restricting. I feel like a pig.

[Rant/Rave] MFP is making me lose my mind
Created: Fri Mar 23 18:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86pp4v/mfp_is_making_me_lose_my_mind/

[Discussion] How’s everyone’s week going?
/u/pickles023 [5'6"|CW: 130|BMI: 21.07|GW: 110|22 F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 17:48:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86p9rl/hows_everyones_week_going/
I’ve had a shitty binge week. But how about you guys?

[Rant/Rave] He called me tiny today
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | ~118 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 15:59:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86oig5/he_called_me_tiny_today/
Boyfriend was hugging me, arms wrapped all around my waist, and said "you're so tiny!". You know what that means lmao, feeling little self-conscious so it's nice to hear those comments about my body/weight, but still f's with me a bit lol, ya know?

[Rant/Rave] Calorie shocker. Lunch edition.
Created: Fri Mar 23 15:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ocwo/calorie_shocker_lunch_edition/

Hungry? About to give up on your fast? Watch these
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 (fluctuates) | BMI:18 | 20/F 🌷]
Created: Fri Mar 23 15:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86o8ou/hungry_about_to_give_up_on_your_fast_watch_these/

[Discussion] Another post abt the THIN girlies
Created: Fri Mar 23 15:03:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86o4k5/another_post_abt_the_thin_girlies/

[Intro] Don't really know what to say
Created: Fri Mar 23 14:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86nssb/dont_really_know_what_to_say/
I stumbled across this sub recently, brings me back to my livejournal days.

My life has been a bit self destructive again recently but in lieu of self harm and drugs I've unknowingly opted for restricting. It started off innocently as a weight loss thing (my medication made me gain loads) but now I can see I'm getting into bad habits of fasting, then b/p.

I know what I'm doing is so bad for me but I don't want to let it go. It takes me away from everything but then it makes everything worse. It's like there's another level of shame and self hatred on top of my over flowing pile.

But I have lost 6kg so far this month... And it's so ... rewarding? It's bad but it's so good.

I feel like I'm at least achieving something.

So here I am

[Rant/Rave] I just don’t even know anymore and I need to rant
Created: Fri Mar 23 13:43:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ni7z/i_just_dont_even_know_anymore_and_i_need_to_rant/
Sorry for bothering anyone, first of all.

You know that feeling when you get a grip of your life and everything starts to feel better but then you realise you don’t and the world comes crashing down? That’s where I am.

I thought I had a handle on all of this and that it was just a weird phase I had because of anxiety yet here I am.

We ordered take out at work and I would have been fine, so I thought yet I felt terrible. An unexplainable terrible and I felt foul. I ate the pizza anyway but I just couldn’t shake the anxiety and I was back to square one; constantly questioning if this was even real.

Sure there was a period in the last year when I would take 10+ laxatives to lose weight overnight and I didn’t mind how painful it was, all that mattered was that the scale was lower than the previous day and all evidence of bad behaviour was gone. But I thought I’d got better- as in I wanted to take them again but never did.

Yet here I am, writing this, after having purged orally for the first time- and lord you guys weren’t wrong, sure my stomach isn’t empty now but it doesn’t feel bloated and I feel good about it.

Yet this anxious part of me doesn’t want to speak to my GP because of this fear they’ll tell me this isn’t real, that it’s some lie I’ve made up and I don’t even know anymore. I mean aside from what just happened- which part of me still wants to continue, because I know there’s still shit in there

I just needed this all off my chest. I hate this so much. I feel like a fraud and I’m losing it.

[Help] SOS I'm going to a dessert/chocolate restaurant tonight and I'm FREAKING THE FUCK OUT
/u/germ_the_worm [5'1 | CW: 109 | GW: 95 | 19F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 13:20:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86nc5o/sos_im_going_to_a_dessertchocolate_restaurant/
I apologize if these posts are super annoying but I'm really panicking and I could use a little help

I'm meeting a friend at [this place](https://en.julietteetchocolat.com/pages/menu) tonight and I have no clue what to order. Nothing seems safe but I don't want to not get anything and sit there awkwardly. Bonus: my friend is visiting from out of town and I'm the one who suggested we go here. Fucking brilliant move on my part.

I'm thinking about maybe doing the fruit fondue for one and just picking at the fruit?? Or maybe suggest that we split something and then take a bite or two and let her eat the rest?? Would it be weird if I just ordered coffee and not a dessert?

The hilariously ironic thing is that I've been eyeing this place for MONTHS and now I finally have the opportunity to go and I'm so anxious I could cry. Fuck this disorder. Fuck everything.

[Rant/Rave] I fucking binger 3900 CALORIES today
/u/huumekuriiri [5'6'' | 132 | -15 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 12:42:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86n1gm/i_fucking_binger_3900_calories_today/
I haven't been this disgusted with myself in a long time. My stomach is so full I think it'll explode, I want to purge SO BAD but I'm a weak bitch so apparently we're not doing that. I'm supposed to go to a party tonight & I don't know if drinking alcohol on top of this is a good idea since I don't want to immediately puke in front of everyone. I fasted for 33 hours prior to this and I was soo proud of myself but apparently my "reward" for the fasting went way too far since I have no fucking self control. I hate myself right now.

At Starbucks
Created: Fri Mar 23 12:29:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86mxm3/at_starbucks/

[Rant/Rave] So I went to the ER on Monday for dehydration.
/u/star-of-morning [5'2" | went to treatment | send help | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 12:12:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86msjn/so_i_went_to_the_er_on_monday_for_dehydration/
My mom and psychiatrist were really concerned about my ED coming out again and they told me to go to the ER for dehydration amongst other things. They took my vitals, did blood work, and gave me a bag full of IV fluids. My blood work was fine, aside from my glucose levels, which is expected.

Prior to this I hadn't eaten in over 48 hours. Since Monday I've been drinking one 8 oz bottle of Ensure per day. So that's 220 calories a day. My roommate has an ED and knows I'm relapsing. She ordered donuts yesterday morning and I ate a cronut - the first solid food I've had since Saturday. I didn't eat anything else all day because cronuts are like, 600 calories and half the calories come from carbs and the other half from fat.

Usually I weight myself every day but because of the IV fluids I skipped my daily weigh-ins until today, assuming the IV fluids would be washed out because IV fluids obviously add water weight.

I only lost 1.6 pounds this week. WTF. Usually when I'm restricting, even at 500 calories a day, I lose 3.5 pounds a week. I'm so upset and frustrated. Are the IV fluids still in my system? Is it the FUCKING cronut that made me gain weight.

I'm just upset and discouraged. I hoped to have lost at least 2 pounds since Monday. I have no idea what's going on with my body. Fuck that cronut. Fuck that IV fluid.

I'm just going to stick with my 220 calories of Ensure every day. My roommate is off today so hopefully she isn't going to order shitty food that makes my mind and body feel shitty. She's been binging a LOT lately so the chances of her ordering food is gonna be pretty high.

[Discussion] Does anyone else get really anxious about eating out and calorie accuracy?
Created: Fri Mar 23 12:05:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86mqj1/does_anyone_else_get_really_anxious_about_eating/
Getting ready to go to chipotle with my bf soon. I can’t not eat because he will literally pester me until I eat something. Does anyone know if Chipotle’s calories are accurate? I feel like there’s way more calories than it states on the website.

[Discussion] Advice please!
Created: Fri Mar 23 11:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86m91q/advice_please/
Hey friends, it's been a minute since I posted on here but I need some advice and it's not like I can ask my in person friends lol.

So I'm doing okay right now, not in my binge or restrict cycles and I've been hitting around 1200 a day, I don't think I'm recovered and know how I function that I will prob fall back into restriction before long (probably when my husband deploys) but the point is right now I am not there. I'm in an okay spot mental health wise right now, which is odd for me to say, but this cocktail of meds is doing okay. Anywho, for the issue at hand:

So my husbands best friend/military buddy has a new girlfriend. She's young, pretty and I like her, I genuinely do, but she clearly has an ed (though she just giggles if you call it an ed) and she's loud, proud and seems to love to talk about it. She only eats every other day, and even then she says its controlled. I have met her ONCE and it seemed like she needed to make sure we all knew about it, and in the span of 5 hours (dinner and board game night) she mentioned it 5 times. It made me really uncomfortable how excited to tell everyone she was and how much she seemed to want to chat about it. I feel like if I spend too much time with this girl I am going to slip back into restriction quick, but I know we are going to ask to spend time with them and I don't want to be a jerk and say I can't be around her. I feel like this girl is bad for my mental health, which feels very selfish to say and I simply don't know what to do....any advice?

[Discussion] I feel disgusting at over 190 lb and I have so much to lose. Anyone else start restricting at a similar weight? I need inspiration please.
/u/NuttyNectarine [5'7.5" | CW 197 | BMI 30 | GW 145 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 10:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86m4hj/i_feel_disgusting_at_over_190_lb_and_i_have_so/

[Rant/Rave] I'm a jerk.
/u/AnaTroi [5'9" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 10:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86m2wv/im_a_jerk/
I got downright angry with my friend for buying me lunch yesterday. I wasn't planning on eating lunch. He told me he wanted to go through the drive thru at a local burger place. I thought he was grabbing himself something but it ended up being for me. I got so mad when I found out.

Poor guy was so confused.

I realized how irrational I was being a few minutes later and I apologized, but it's really eating at me.

I get way too upset if I feel out of control. It was a good wake-up call for me.

Now to fix it somehow.

[Rant/Rave] Fasting Free Pass!
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw: 150lbs | bmi:23.4 | gw: 110lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 23 10:29:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86lz41/fasting_free_pass/
My husband is out of town for four days at a friend's wedding, and my ED freaking loves it! I fasted for 24 straight hours yesterday, drank a 300 cal protein smoothie, and then dived right back into fasting. My head feels clear, I'm getting so much done, I can exercise at midnight with no one watching, and I've reached the point where I don't feel hungry anyways. After binging for two weeks straight and gaining 7lbs, this is a breath of fresh air.

I'm technically supposed to be recovering, but I've been pretty conflicted about that. I want to recover for my husband and daughters' sakes....but I sooooo don't want to for me.

I miss my husband, but oh man am I enjoying myself. Die, binge cycle!

[Rant/Rave] I've hit the tipping point
/u/fourfoldcat [5'4 | 108 |18| GW:105 | -37 | 20F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 10:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86lqqr/ive_hit_the_tipping_point/
So if any of you guys remember my username I am the girl that got rejected by her friend. I can't stop thinking about what I could do differently or how I could look different to be more appealing. I have created a list of everything wrong with me and then made a sub list on all the ways I could fix them or save money to fix them. I can't look in a mirror without feeling like crying. Yesterday I went to the gym for 5 hours and drank only 300 calories in coffee. I don't know what I am doing anymore. All I know is I feel like this body is suffocating me. I want to be beautiful enough. If it isn't my body then it must be my personality. I must be the most boring or lame person. I must be just so unappealing. How can anyone ever love me? I can't even love me and I have to stick with me forever. I want to disappear or turn invisible. Never be seen again. I don't want to see myself ever again

[Discussion] My ED is a litmus test for how well my life is going
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 153 | GW 123 | -30 lbs | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 09:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86lc75/my_ed_is_a_litmus_test_for_how_well_my_life_is/
I realized today, as I was agonizing over whether or not to eat a larabar after running 6 miles on the treadmill, that I want to quit my job. I've been heavily restricting and bingeing all week, and it's directly related to my job being super stressful right now. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner, but anytime my ED starts acting up there's usually a reason why.

[Rant/Rave] world-record roller coaster ride
/u/bellexy [5'8 | tubbalub | GW 118 | 🍑 mint_royale]
Created: Fri Mar 23 07:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86kou4/worldrecord_roller_coaster_ride/
live footage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZZq6t1djow

so i go to the dr for birth control stuff* and in my last few months of acute mental rapid cycling, I managed to hit a new HW. yay neato i hate it.

so I just about immediately go back to IF. 20 hours a day minimum. I just finished a 24 yesterday before having a small meal. there's no way I've had any more than 3000 calories in the last five days combined.

so I finally feel brave enough to weigh in at home. I had a lot going for me as far as having a good weigh in:

1. i went from drinking about 3 drinks a night to zero (yay my excess consumption wasn't a physical addiction). alcohol is a ton of calories and a ton of bloating. mostly dropped diet sodas, coffees, and energy drinks and swapped for tons of water (plant nanny is the best app ever for water tracking btw. my dandelion is so cute).

2. no more salty snacks. bloat reduction again.

3. when I had weighed in at the doctor I was so full of water because I needed to have an ultrasound done. literally 75 oz of water intake within the hour of weigh in. and i was wearing jeans, boots, a hoodie, had my keys and my wallet on me, etc. so the weigh in could have been really skewed.

moment of truth.

**fifteen pounds lighter.** I nearly shit myself to be completely honest. in my head I was like, ok this could actually be possible over the course of a week and a half. right?

so I go and tell my husband

"oh, no, our scale must be calibrated wrong, that can't be right. the doctor's scale is more accurate."

*the fuck*

so I just ordered two more scales and we'll just fuckin see.

*birth control note: never in my life have I felt pain like an IUD placement. it was like the devil himfuckinself was trying to rip into my ute shoot. that being said couldn't part of that weight be from bloating after a birth control/horomone shift?? am I fucking crazy here?

whatever. i wasn't going to IF today and have a light salad for lunch but that's not happening now. gonna try for another 24. :/ womp womp

[Rant/Rave] Feel like I'm never gonna be happy
/u/budqueen17 [5'6 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 07:18:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86kjtc/feel_like_im_never_gonna_be_happy/
So, for the past 5 years I've tried so hard to lose weight, but I never get anywhere. My problem is that I'm unhappy with the way I look, but trying to change that makes me unhappy as well, because I find restricting *so hard* and I don't understand why. I hate it. I wish I could just... not eat. Like so many other people. But I'm useless. So the cycle of restricting and binging continues. It's pointless, and I know rationally that I should stop, but every time I think 'this will be the time it finally works'. I'm sick of it, feel like I don't even have an ED and I'm just trying to crash diet because I don't even lose weight

[Help] How long will it take
Created: Fri Mar 23 07:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86kgvv/how_long_will_it_take/

[Rant/Rave] I hit my first GW!!!
Created: Fri Mar 23 06:51:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86kdo2/i_hit_my_first_gw/

[Discussion] Has anyone else gone from one ED to another?
Created: Fri Mar 23 06:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86kdmp/has_anyone_else_gone_from_one_ed_to_another/
About 2 years ago the stress in my life reached an all-time high, and I began bingeing heavily. Two months into this phase I was officially diagnosed with BED. It scared me but I never really sought out help. After a few more months of bingeing, I began trying to "reverse" my binges by making myself throw up all the food I had eaten. This became something that I did at least twice a day. It was clear that I had bulimia. This went on for about a year. I grew tired of throwing up so instead began restricting. I slowly became good at it, and it became an obsession. A month ago I was officially diagnosed with anorexia, and I'm still not seeking treatment.

I just wanted to know if this sort of transitioning thing was common.

[Rant/Rave] Me: "Finally managed to go to 24 hours without eating! I'm finally doing well." Coworker: "That's not good, you have to eat something."
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 298.4 | Goal: 270 | 46.7 | 0 | F ]
Created: Fri Mar 23 06:43:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86kbt3/me_finally_managed_to_go_to_24_hours_without/

Not when I've been binging constantly for months straight and haven't been able to carry a fast longer than 12 hours before totally losing all control!

I hate when people are like "oh you haven't eaten, you must eat!" "you need nutrients!" "your body is going to be storing fat"

Meanwhile, I'm just here like "Please just let me have this."

My body is not storing shit, my fat cells are loaded with nutrients (at least fat soluble ones), and No, I don't need to eat.

I need to starve for just a few days so when I break the fast my stomach will be smaller and I can finally start restricting properly!

[Rant/Rave] I get impatient... (Rant)
Created: Fri Mar 23 06:33:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86k9gm/i_get_impatient_rant/
So, uh by the title I think you can see my problem. Anyways, I meal prep for lunch and dinner when I wake up. Coolio right?? It would be if my family would stop coming out of their room every 5 fucking seconds to do shit in the kitchen. Our kitchen isn't the biggest and I don't like people being in my space whilst I am prepping because the meals are only 100 calories each and it looks "little" from an outsider perspective. I have to measure stuff out in measuring cups and such and it's weird for me to do that in their eyes because it looks like I'm dieting and then the conspiracies in their head and BLAHHHHH. I can't do anything without them just crowding me like wtf? Then they wonder why I'm always so pissy whenever they come in the kitchen and see the meals and say "wow that looks good" like idk why I'm that way its just so fucking annoying! Thanks for reading :)

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 23, 2018
Created: Fri Mar 23 06:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86k4xu/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
This is the weekly picture thread for March 23, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 23, 2018
Created: Fri Mar 23 06:12:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86k4ws/daily_food_diary_march_23_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 23, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Give me tips on how to reduce my appetite please
Created: Fri Mar 23 05:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86jsq3/give_me_tips_on_how_to_reduce_my_appetite_please/

[Rant/Rave] i intentionally gave myself a cavity so i could stop eating sweets
Created: Fri Mar 23 03:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86jgg0/i_intentionally_gave_myself_a_cavity_so_i_could/

[Discussion] Headache because of non-eating/low cal diet
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 (fluctuates) | BMI:18 | 20/F 🌷]
Created: Fri Mar 23 03:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86jbjk/headache_because_of_noneatinglow_cal_diet/
Hi peaches ♥
I was wondering if you had any tips against headaches? Indeed, everytime I don't eat for a prolonged period or go on a low cal diet, my head hurts. Drinking water helps but only to an extent. I have to eat something to make it completely go away. It's a pain 'cause I'm not hungry and my stomach's fine but it's too annoying to keep on going like this for the whole day. >:(

[Help] Richard Goes To A Buffet
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Fri Mar 23 02:54:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86j7dk/richard_goes_to_a_buffet/
Pizza Buffet yah. Lots of food yes. Barbeque chicken wings? Thank you. Spicy chicken nuggets, black pepper sausages, a salad bar. Pepperoni pizza, Hawaiian pizza, tuna pizza was weird, and pull pork pizza. Wow, that's so many of the food.

I ate and snorted vanilla ice cream then I purge because this is a disease and how are those Asian girls so thin. I stare.

Purge is finished, round two of pizza. Five slices, six wings, five cups of ice cream, four cookies, there's another section of the buffet with lasagna and Shepard's pie. Thank you potato and pasta.

Go home, drink too much vodka and beer. Side of blueberry juice.

What are we?

[Rant/Rave] I'm a little scared I went too far
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | high | large | Gender: death]
Created: Fri Mar 23 02:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86j2cd/im_a_little_scared_i_went_too_far/
Do you guys have the game My Tamagotchi? It gives you a little animal that you're supposed to feed several times a day.

I only feed it apples, oranges, and broccoli even when the animal asks for cookies.

I even pretended to yell at it when it asked for food, calling it fat in my room. I'm so sick😖

I've been super hungry - as always - so I purged after working out. I had non-zero calorie Gatorade and a granola bar after my workout like the dumbshit I am.

I think I feel blood. I hate myself. I was afraid of this.

[Intro] How did this happen to me?
/u/Startled_Butterfly [5'5" | CW 126 | GW 108 | LW 108 | 21.2]
Created: Fri Mar 23 02:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86j1e3/how_did_this_happen_to_me/
So basically my biggest fear is getting older, it always has been. I'm afraid of dying young, not getting everything I want out of life, never feeling truly accomplished. I'm watching my 20s go by and wondering what I've really done with them: had a baby, got married, was never pretty, barely making my way through this degree. I can feel myself getting older every day and, as I get older, it's somehow becoming more impossible to maintain my weight.

I've always been 108, like forever, since I was a kid.

I kept the weight off when I got my first job and spent all my money on fast food burgers.

I kept the weight off when I stopped running.

I kept the weight off when I fell into that "comfortable" relationship zone with my now-husband.

I kept the weight off during pregnancy and the newborn stage, thanks to constant involuntary vomiting and then later depression so heavy I couldn't physically move myself to a kitchen to make myself food.

The only thing that has changed in the last year is that I'm getting older. That must be the reason it said 126 when I stepped on the scale this morning. I saw that funny graphic of the 15 different types of disorder eaters and I'm definitely the junk food girl. Avoid food until you can afford a burger, eat, repeat. That has always been my system, and now suddenly it isn't working.

And the last topping of disappointment on top of the disappointment cake was putting my numbers into the "NEW" BMI calculator just now and getting back a 21. What the fuck. What the fuck am I doing? How can this be me?

It's not like it snuck up on me or anything. For the last 4 months or so I've just been steadily gaining. I started working in a hospital surrounded by people who are way smarter than me. I say something stupid, feel like shit about how stupid I am, get in my car, go get a burger, get home, don't feel better, go get another burger and act like it's my first one.

Maybe don't eat the next day, maybe have two more.

Find out I was not accepted into the program I applied to. Eat more. Accidentally look down at my brand new muffin top, eat more. Be sleep-deprived because I stayed up too late thinking about how much I ate that day, drink 6 Dr Peppers the next day to stay awake. Nurse a clinically distended abdomen from all the carbonated water. Feel hugely unacceptably fat. Eat more.

Did you know "skin" is only a fraction of a centimeter thick? It's not "skin" I'm holding in my hand, it's fat. And now I'm just getting older AND less attractive at an accelerated rate. Worst fucking nightmare.

I just feel so angry right now. Fuuuuuck that 21.

[Help] TMI: in regards to bowel movements
Created: Fri Mar 23 02:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86j085/tmi_in_regards_to_bowel_movements/
Right guys, I haven't pooped in 6 days. I've had two fairly big binges this week (Sunday and yesterday, Thursday) both of which were about 1200 calories. I usually restrict to 300 (including two almond milk cappuchinos) or I fast for 48ish hours. After last night's binge I'm really struggling, the scale is showing an entire extra kilogram, and I feel like a freaking whale.
I took 3 senna lax on Monday which did nothing, then a dulcolax (which is a lot stronger) on Wednesday night but neither did anything. Usually dulcolax hits me hard but I just had a stomach making lots of noise.
I started a 72 hour fast as of last night but I really want this BM to happen so I can accurately weigh in and get over these binges mentally.
Any ideas? Preferably something that's either very quick or not very painful as Im working now and don't want anything happening during my work day (im in retail)

[Discussion] March 23rd, 24th, 25, and 26th Questions of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 23 01:18:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86itbz/march_23rd_24th_25_and_26th_questions_of_the_day/
I’ll be out of town for the next several days, so I’m planning ahead this time!

23rd: What genre of music do you like?

24th: What did you daydream about today?

25th: What made you laugh today?

26th: Who do you aspire to be like?

[Help] EC Stack - What really defines a loss of appetite?
Created: Thu Mar 22 23:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86idyd/ec_stack_what_really_defines_a_loss_of_appetite/

[Rant/Rave] I haven’t been eating lately and have lost 17 pounds due to a med change, I feel fantastic
Created: Thu Mar 22 22:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86i1s2/i_havent_been_eating_lately_and_have_lost_17/
I’m still no where near my ultimate goal weight, but seeing how much I’ve lost in such a short amount of time is making me feel a lot better about getting even lower. I have around 23 more pounds to go.

Ever since I started Wellbutrin for my depression and suicidal thoughts my hunger and desire to eat has pretty much disappeared. I can hear my stomach growl through out the day, but I genuinely cannot get myself to eat anything. I do occasionally eat extremely small amounts of food, but now whenever I do this my stomach hurts so badly and I’m not used to this feeling.

The amount of food I’ve eaten in the past 5 days would have equaled the same amount I would have eaten in 1 day before my new med change. I used to binge and purge about 4ish years ago, but the results I’m getting from “restricting” are a lot faster and more noticeable than purging. I just feel good and I can’t wait to get even smaller! I definitely think that by the end of May I will have either reached my goal weight or be extremely close to reaching it. Wish me luck!

[Tip] Guys, try Keto diet + low cals
Created: Thu Mar 22 21:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86htku/guys_try_keto_diet_low_cals/

[Other] can't get back into restricting?
Created: Thu Mar 22 21:46:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86hs3q/cant_get_back_into_restricting/

[Rant/Rave] So upset
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 21:36:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86hq8u/so_upset/

[Rant/Rave] I'm crying because I ate half of a chocolate chip cookie
Created: Thu Mar 22 21:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86hisy/im_crying_because_i_ate_half_of_a_chocolate_chip/

[Tip] tips on how to restrict but also drink?
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2''|21F|GW:108|CW: manatee]
Created: Thu Mar 22 20:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86hhnn/tips_on_how_to_restrict_but_also_drink/

[Other] The recovery chronicles: part I
/u/oneblueboot [| In recovery | 26F | 🍑: laceandmace]
Created: Thu Mar 22 20:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86hhiz/the_recovery_chronicles_part_i/
Hi there. It's been a while. Since I admitted that I needed help and made promises to myself to try and beat this thing for good, it's been exactly 54 days. But hey, who's counting?

Two months in, there are a lot of things that are a whole lot better. Eating more and putting on some of the weight that I'd lost has led to stronger muscles, better physical and mental endurance, improved focus and memory retention, a killer sex drive, and the comfort of waking up and knowing that I won't spend every hour of every day freezing half to death. I've started to rebuild my social life after abandoning it for so long. I go outside now! With people!

There are also a lot of things that haven't changed. My body dysmorphia is just as bad as ever, maybe even worse now that I'm not allowing myself any weigh-ins. I have no idea what I look like in reality, only that it's not the way I still feel like I have to be. I'm purging less often, but I haven't been able to totally kick the habit (and if I'm being entirely honest with myself, the idea of resigning myself to a lifetime of digesting every single thing that I swallow is still terrifying). I obsess over whether I'm recovering "slowly" enough, whether I'm going too far in the other direction. I have awful intrusive thoughts about how my boyfriend probably wants me to fail in this, because he loved me more when I was thin. I still have a list of foods I am too scared to keep in my apartment.

The biggest surprise in all of this has been how much of my recovery journey has been centered around excising the psychological scar tissue from traumas and memories I had long thought I'd dealt with years ago. In my therapy sessions I am talking about things that have happened to me and things I have done that I have been too ashamed to even think about for years, much less admit to another human being. The work that my therapy team and I are doing leaves me spiritually exhausted.

There are times I regret asking for help. I miss the rituals. I miss seeing bones and sharp angles in the mirror. I miss starving. I miss feeling like I have something private to hold and to nurture, something I can rely on to prove my worth in the metrics that I alone choose.

But I'm still trekking. I do have faith that this struggle will lead me somewhere worth being. And I guess I just want to say to anyone who has read this far, that I hope you find your path to somewhere worth being, wherever that may be and whatever that means to you.

[Help] please somebody help me
Created: Thu Mar 22 20:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86hacw/please_somebody_help_me/
I’ve been in a cycle of bulimia for almost a year. It’s so bad I eat the amount of an obese person and I’m wasting so much food. I still don’t like how I look and my body dysmorphia is ruining me... I don’t know if I want to gain weight or lose weight because I want big boobs and hips but I hate my fat fucking stomach and face. Someone told me today I’m the skinniest girl at this school and everybody is spreading rumors because somebody heard me purging in the bathroom. I want to look like a Victoria’s Secret model so bad but I don’t have any fucking boobs and my ribs still don’t show and I can’t stop comparing myself to other girls. There’s this one girl at my school who looks like everything I wanna look like and I look at her Instagram her body is unbelievable I fucking hate myself

[Discussion] Caffeine causing binging?
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Thu Mar 22 19:42:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86h1bb/caffeine_causing_binging/
I've noticed recently that feeling highly caffeinated can lead to a binge for me, even if everything else is going okay.

I do understand that this certainly isn't everyone's experience, hence why I'm asking if anyone's found this too. I'm personally wondering if it may have something to do with anxiety or gut health.

I'm going to try cut out caffeine completely for a bit to test this, it would certainly make sense. So far, the research I've done has shown caffeine to be a binge trigger but it sounds kind of unheard of here... Anyone else find caffeine causing overeating?

[Rant/Rave] I forced it...
/u/mibunnie [5'2" | F | CW:175 | GW:115 ]
Created: Thu Mar 22 19:40:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86h0yd/i_forced_it/

[Rant/Rave] it just baffles me that some people’s days aren’t run by food.
Created: Thu Mar 22 19:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gziu/it_just_baffles_me_that_some_peoples_days_arent/
i wake up, I think about food, what I will eat or won’t eat, the calories in that sip of coffee and before I’ve even finished breakfast my mind is on lunch. In class I sit and wonder about what I can eat to make sure I don’t pass 1200 calories, if I can’t calculate the exact number of what is in front me I can’t eat it. i watch YouTube videos of people eating the foods I can never eat again. While eating I’m already thinking about how to purge quietly while my parents are in the next room. I just can’t believe food is just a casual thing to other people. Food is literally my entire world. I’m sick of it.

Does it work
Created: Thu Mar 22 19:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gv24/does_it_work/

[Help] How to purge without vessels breaking in your face
Created: Thu Mar 22 19:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gug3/how_to_purge_without_vessels_breaking_in_your_face/

[Rant/Rave] I hate it when pretty, thin influencers/celebs talk about “loving yourself” and “body positivity”
/u/InterchangeableMoon [Height 5'0" | CW 110 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 19:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gslg/i_hate_it_when_pretty_thin_influencerscelebs_talk/
It’s not like I don’t want to believe it or anything, but it’s like. If I looked half as good as they did, i would love myself too. Lmfao.
I’m sure they have their own struggles and insecurities but like. Fuck them. It’s easy to love yourself when you’re financially stable, conventionally attractive, and you have hundreds and thousands of followers telling you how pretty you are on every basic-ass instagram story you post. It’s infuriating.

[Goal] Tomorrow is the day
/u/everypaperdolll [5'5 | CW 125lbs | UGW 105 | 5lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 18:48:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gp3m/tomorrow_is_the_day/
It’s official, y’all. I am SO SICK of just eating everything within reach because I can’t think of anything else to do. Sick of being a land whale. Every day I do so well until I get home and just...see the cabinets filled with junk. I have too many things to do to look the way currently do.
I’m challenging myself to 21 days binge-free. This is really just a declaration to help hold myself accountable, but damn, it feels good.

Ninja edit: anyone, feel free to DM me if you want to join in! I can start a kik group or something, too!

[Other] anyone else out here not weighing themselves?
/u/katijaiv [5'10 | CW no good | f]
Created: Thu Mar 22 18:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gnam/anyone_else_out_here_not_weighing_themselves/
like using a scale. for some reason i just can't ever bring myself to do it. i did it once months ago and ever since then i haven't been checking if i've lost any weight via number.. i rely on how baggy my clothes get and if i can fit in the smaller ones i have in my closet. anyone else with me on this one? O:

[Other] Anime_IRL
/u/ThermalAnvil [20 lbs lost]
Created: Thu Mar 22 18:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gmtj/anime_irl/

[Help] I need to calm down
/u/papsandwiles [5"4 | 115 | 19.7 | 20F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 18:11:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ggcq/i_need_to_calm_down/
I just stepped on the scale after a week of restricting and it says I've GAINED five pounds?!?!?! What the fuck?!?!
I was 122 then dropped to 114 and now the scale says I'm 120?!
It's true that I weighed myself naked and on an empty stomach before and wearing full clothes now. But it shouldn't be that much of a discrepancy should it? Does anyone have an explanation for this?

Dinner with partner’s family (sort of)
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.8 | 18.92 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Thu Mar 22 17:58:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86gd2b/dinner_with_partners_family_sort_of/

[Help] I’m losing my mind over this
Created: Thu Mar 22 17:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86g39n/im_losing_my_mind_over_this/

[Discussion] DAE think their appetite away?
/u/xxnevi [5'2 | CW: 149 | BMI: 27.4 | GW: 125 | -24 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 17:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86g2m0/dae_think_their_appetite_away/
I was sitting here eating bagel bites and I guess paying way too much attention to how many times I chewed each bite. Well, I guess the texture of smooshed up sauce/bagel/cheese was too much for me because after 1, I was basically done.

So I guess my new trick is chewing every single bite into nastiness until I'm turned off by the meal.

[Tip] Super awesome resource for breaking habits
Created: Thu Mar 22 17:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86g2cc/super_awesome_resource_for_breaking_habits/
Disclaimer: harm reduction and a bit recovery-focussed. Skip if you’re not there. Although it applies to non-ED habits you’d like to break, too :) also - on mobile sorry mods - tag as rave

Someone in loseit (I do want to credit, but do not want to tag; I’ll include the user if asked to by a mod) shared this awesome (edited) link: http://charlesduhigg.com/flowchart-for-changing-habits/

I love that you experiment on yourself to find effective strategies for *you*. I was making the mistake of only using similar rewards (e.g, small amounts of safe foods) to avoid binging, whereas opposite rewards (e.g, a walk or meal planning) are actually far more effective for me.

It got me researching habit reversal, and the concept of non-compatible behaviour came up. I think it’s a component of lots of common advice (e.g, paint nails, chew gum, have a bath, are all incompatible with eating chips). It makes it easier to personalise your strategies if you think about the exact 1 habit you would like to break, what that habit involves for you, and what incompatible behaviour would work within your life.

This is great timing because I have been spiraling lately and really need to stop with the binging/purging.

When I’m uncomfortably full but rationally know it’s not over maintence calories, I will go for a short walk. Prevents purging (or binging then purging).

When I’m wanting to eat despite knowing I’ve had sufficient calories to function, I’ll go for a walk or do some meal planning. I enjoy those things.

Anyone else want to share?

(Edited link)

[Rant/Rave] Sat in the Trader Joe’s parking lot...then Whole Foods
Created: Thu Mar 22 17:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86g1po/sat_in_the_trader_joes_parking_lotthen_whole_foods/
Mannnn does that say it all or what. I did manage to get out of the car at WF and take a lap around the store in search of free samples lol. No dice. I’m so weak from restricting rn i literally don’t feel like I’m in any biz to drive anywhere much less put in work at the gym like i just did. Feeling so so woozy. Let’s pray i get home in one piece. My body is screaming at me. Ugh 💔 sorry had to vent and hopefully someone can relate to my grocery store obsession ha

[Rant/Rave] Do photos trigger you? Vent
Created: Thu Mar 22 16:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86frub/do_photos_trigger_you_vent/
Cw: potentially triggering. I love y'all and don't want my emotional venting to hurt any of you. If you are currently in a bad space emotionally, please do not read on and please love yourself <3

Hey y'all,

So I went to a meet and greet last night with my favorite drag queen and some friends. I already know I hate photos of myself period, but it was for my friends birthday so I did it anyway.

We got the photo back today and y'all. I'm almost 10 years into recovery and the one photo of me looking like a fucking whale makes me wish my disorder had killed me when I had it. That's how fucking bad it looks.

So my question is, when you get photos taken of yourself do they trigger you? And if so is it all the time or just sometimes? My ugly ass just needs a paper bag and to lose all my recovery weight at this point.

[Other] Slacking
Created: Thu Mar 22 16:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86fqh8/slacking/
I've had an ED for over a year. It's been very easy (idk if that's the right word but), up until Feburary. I use to be able to eat less than 300cals a day and felt perfectly okay. I can't anymore??

I started intensely working out daily in January, so I know that probably plays a part. I was aware I had to up my intake slightly, so I did.

However, I'm just SO hungry now. I still drink a large quantity of water. I still do all my avoid feeling hunger tricks, but I'm still starving. Like to the point I get super faint and can't walk. I don't know why it's such a sudden extreme change?

Also, I don't know if thise would play a part, but I was eating 300 when I was only slightly underweight. Now I'm VERY underweight..

This is more just me ranting, but is this a common? It seriously has me wondering if I just failed my ED. It's ruining me, I feel like a faliure. I don't even feel like I have an ED anymore (I mean I do.... but I just feel like it was more valid month ago than now)?

[Other] This twitter page is everything that goes on in my head.
Created: Thu Mar 22 16:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86fklv/this_twitter_page_is_everything_that_goes_on_in/

[Rant/Rave] Binge/weight increase = everything else sucks more
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW 149.4lb | 19.82 | -27 | GW 140]
Created: Thu Mar 22 16:05:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86fiva/bingeweight_increase_everything_else_sucks_more/
Fuck. I binged yesterday and then overate today. I've been really sluggish and depressed lately and kind of spiraling. The weight increase is just the icing on the cake (even though it seems like it's the primary Worst Thing that's happening). I've lost almost 30lbs already and was only 9 lbs away from my first gw. And I had to fuck it up.

Now I have to stop eating for at least a day to correct my dumbass mistakes. I'm afraid I gained actual weight too and not just water weight like I always am.

And like I always do, I feel like all my failures are manifested on my body in the swelling and fat appearance I now have, and everyone can read all I do wrong and my shortcomings on my face. I hate going out and being around people like this. After fasting for a couple days or successfully restricting it's so much better, when I have dark circles and my face is slimmer, and my clothes aren't choking me.

Boy I can't wait to not eat anything until sunday at least /s
I know some people like fasting and I do in a way, it's just super difficult for me esp. when I need to work

Could use some encouragement/reassurance that I can get back on track and reach my gw :') seems so far away right now

/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Thu Mar 22 15:45:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86fdh9/i_am_so_annoyed/
sorry this is a huge rant please don’t feel like you have to waste your time reading this

I am so annoyed right now. I am sitting in my university’s student union building and this huge girl came over with her greasy huge plate of panda express and sat in the empty chair directly behind me. She is currently chewing SO LOUDLY and with little slurp noises in between. Not only that, but she is playing loud music out of her iphone speaker while i am sitting here trying to finish my bio lab report. Can anyone else not fucking stand the sounds of gross eaters??? I keep giving her subtle body language gestures that I am very annoyed and distracted by her presence but she doesn’t notice anything. Yes I know it is an open area that isn’t necessarily 100% quiet, yes I know that I am also probably jealous of and annoyed by the fact that she is comfortable enough to put that amount of fried, greasy, oily, noodle calories in her body.

On another note, am I the only one who thinks that the smell of panda express is oddly so good compared to how mediocre it tastes once it enters your mouth? God just looking at the ingredients and

nutrition facts makes me want to barf everywhere. Guess I can thank the ED for that.

disclaimer: on mobile please flair as rant <3
Now if you excuse me I am going to move to a quiet place where I can starve and study in peace

[Help] Dinner For The First Time In Month
Created: Thu Mar 22 15:39:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86fby8/dinner_for_the_first_time_in_month/

[Discussion] Putting ED aside is anyone an incredibly picky eater?
Created: Thu Mar 22 15:35:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86fayx/putting_ed_aside_is_anyone_an_incredibly_picky/
I wrote down the other day everything I wouldn’t eat it’s 4 pages front and back and the stuff I would eat is just 1 page

I can’t be the only one that’s a crazy picky eater

[Rant/Rave] i cant make friends (not specifically ed related)
/u/offenator [173cm | 51kg | BMI:17.5 | LW:43kg | Male]
Created: Thu Mar 22 15:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86f91d/i_cant_make_friends_not_specifically_ed_related/
i have a girlfriend who i have been with for over a year, and we are in a healthy relationship. but i think that means everyone thinks i cant be lonely or feel like i have no friends(apart from her of course)? everyone has their own friends, and theres so many people who id love to be friends with. i feel like i am too full on whenever i speak to someone new and that understandably makes them not like being around me. as well as this, there are many people i know who used to be friends with but have grown apart and i have no idea why and id still love to be friends with them. i cant tell if i want to be friends with someone specifically or i just hate the loneliness.

of course these feelings make ed thoughts more intense and general depressive ones too.

if this is the wrong sub to post in sorry but i just know how lovely this sub can be ,, thank you for reading

[Discussion] How do i get thinner?
Created: Thu Mar 22 15:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86f90a/how_do_i_get_thinner/

[Help] What are your stacks that dong require a rx?
Created: Thu Mar 22 15:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86f4p0/what_are_your_stacks_that_dong_require_a_rx/

[Rant/Rave] So, I’m finally admitting it. I have an eating disorder
/u/burrochevola [F, 5’3 CW: 130 UGW: 110]
Created: Thu Mar 22 14:20:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86epww/so_im_finally_admitting_it_i_have_an_eating/
I’ve tried to hide it, I’ve tried to say to myself “it’s fine, I know what I’m doing”, I’ve tried to say “this will be the last time”, but it’s useless. I developed an eating disorder and that’s not going to change even if I ignore it

Today I purged for the first time after eating a huge amount of food (I’m talking around 5000 calories). I was disgusted with myself after.

It’s always the same. I eat around 800-900 calories for one or two weeks. Then one day I say, “well today can be my cheat day, I will not eat more than 1500 - 1800 calories” and end up binging huge amounts of food and feeling like absolutely crap after. Then it’s starving myself again until I see some weight changes, think “I deserve to eat a bit more” and boom, “a bit more” are thousands and thousands of calories I just want to expel one way or another

I just want to be thin and small and pretty, but I constantly feel like a failure. After losing 45 lbs by eating healthy and responsibly you’d think I would have my life under control. Nope! God forbid I can do something right!

I’m sorry, I just felt like ranting. Hope this is allowed.

It’s nice to meet y’all

[Rant/Rave] I️ have literally no sex drive.
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ehr5/i_have_literally_no_sex_drive/
And I️ really think this ED is like a big cause. I️ feel awful. I’ve basically just been extremely depressed, isolating myself because of this fucking disorder and then on top of that my grandpa died a few weeks ago the same weekend my grandma was in the hospital, all the while I️ had like a million projects due for school, plus trying to juggle a part time job!!!

But that blew over and I️ started to feel better (or so I️ thought) and I️ hung out with my fwb last night and I️ consider him like a really good friend but I️ also find him extremely attractive and the past times we hooked up (although it has been a couple months) like it was GREEAATT and I️ didn’t really have a problem. But last night I️ literally just had to pull the plug while we were having sex because I️ felt absolutely nothing. Zero. Nada. I️ tried so fucking hard but there was just nothing. And it wasn’t like self-consciousness or anything in fact I️ actually felt fuckin hot last night. But I️ know it has nothing to do with him because he’s great in bed and again I️ think he’s super attractive. I️ tried to explain that it wasn’t him at all and I️ very cryptically explained that I️ was just extremely depressed and have no sex drive. Like TMI but I️ can’t even get myself off. There’s just nothing.

But yeah I️ might have fucked up this friendship. And to think I️ was starting to get better!!!!1!1!1!

Sorry if this all just sounds like nonsense

[Rant/Rave] Trying to poison me
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:39:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ee06/trying_to_poison_me/
I'm angry that it seems like everywhere you go there is shitty, chemical, sugary, animal tortury, fattening food and people are constantly pressuring each other to eat it. Oh its a holiday? How about some poison?? Its a party? Want some poison to go with your fattening poison? You don't eat poison?? (Mostly referring to me being vegan) let me tell you all the opinions I have about what YOU eat.

Fuck off! How about worry about your damn self.

In OA they would say this is a resentment and it runs the risk of causing a binge. And i recognize their point but I'm still pissed that going out into the world means constantly deflecting pressure from fat sick people trying to justify their own fucked up food habits by acting like its normal and I'm weird.

Not that I'm not weird, but id rather be weird than eating tortured animals And MSG

[Tip] [UK] no sugar added capri-sun are only 8-10kcal each 💖
/u/WorstCunt [crunchy]
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ec4z/uk_no_sugar_added_caprisun_are_only_810kcal_each/

[Other] Me... then I eat it anyways
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'2" |CW:121lbs | GW:115lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86e98u/me_then_i_eat_it_anyways/

[Discussion] Anyone else take naps or sleep early to avoid eating?
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86e8bs/anyone_else_take_naps_or_sleep_early_to_avoid/
Lately my energy levels have decreased greatly since I started restricting my diet to 500 calories a day and I usually end up needing to nap for some time. Closed my eyes on day and woke up 10 hours later, not even hungry! I’ve been doing it mid day to avoid dinner with my family too, it works well.

[Discussion] Roommates and food
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍌5'5|110|GW:100🍉]
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86e72j/roommates_and_food/
How many of you have roommates that eat your food? How many of you eat your roommates food? Both scenarios have applied to me :/

[Rant/Rave] I’m going to make him regret saying that...
/u/tinybabybear [5'6" | CW:133 | GW:115 | 22F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 13:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86e38t/im_going_to_make_him_regret_saying_that/
My dad knows I’m trying to lose weight, and so far I’ve managed to spin it as responsible dieting.

The other night he made a roast and my sister and I said it smelled so good, and immediately my dad says “What’s the point of all that diet shit if you’re going to eat that?” I explained that wasn’t going to eat it, I was just saying it smelled good.

But you know what? Fuck him. He doesn’t want me to eat? I won’t eat. I’m going to make him wish I had eaten that whole roast by myself. This is what you wanted! No more eating? You got it!

I’m so angry I just want to waste away into nothing so he finally gets it. Don’t tell me not to eat or I swear to god that’s exactly what will happen.

If I hear the word starvation mode one more time....
Created: Thu Mar 22 12:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86dnt7/if_i_hear_the_word_starvation_mode_one_more_time/

[Help] Was walking and all of a sudden my legs (and then whole body) felt weak - but I had eaten that day??
/u/strawstring [Height 5'10 | CW ???| -76??lbs | 21F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 12:02:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86dlvg/was_walking_and_all_of_a_sudden_my_legs_and_then/
Hey guys, so this happened to me earlier and kind of freaked me out so I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences or any input?

I had been in a cafe for almost 5 hours studying, and had a black coffee when I got there + vitamins as well as a sandwich I was eating over the course of an hour or two (it was a LOT of bread, probably more than a subway 6" size and I'm guessing around 55-70g of carbs, with just vegetables and a tiny bit of hummus). I then ordered a rice milk latte (about 12oz of rice milk), studied more, and left intending to walk home which takes about 45 minutes. I very often do not have anything but coffee until after class (2pm or later) and am fine with this, don't really get hungry, and sometimes don't even get hungry until dinnertime, so this was quite a bit of food this early in the day. I also walk everywhere and really enjoy walking, so 1hr-2hr walks are also not unheard of.

But, all of a sudden, I was feeling warmish and took off my scarf, and my legs felt very odd and like I wasn't walking correctly. I kept going but quickly realized I would have to stop or I'd pass out or fall over or something (which has never happened to me), thinking maybe I was dehydrated so I went into the bathroom of a shopping center I was coming up to and filled my water bottle. While there I noticed I was sweating - and not just a little, but as if I had just done a hard workout. My face was very wet and I had to splash it with water and use a paper towel in the bathroom. I decided to take the bus home instead because I wasn't sure I could make it home, so I stopped in a shop next to the bus stop and got a belvita pack (200cals of mainly carbs) and peanuts (ate about 150cals and then threw them out because I realized I read the calories wrong). When I got home I had plain spinach and mushrooms and a bunch more water.

Now I feel completely fine. I'm just so confused because I have fasted for 40+ hours and have never felt this weak, I literally ate a whole sanwich earlier that day!! Has anyone had an experience like this, or do you think it was unrelated to food and just a weird thing? I'm a bit frightened and don't know what to think.

[Rant/Rave] Skinny shaming
Created: Thu Mar 22 11:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ddj6/skinny_shaming/
I had an eating disorder. The other night I went out and got dinner with some old friends. My friends have gained weight over the years and aren't as in shape as they used to be. One is overweight and always has been but it's affecting her health. I've been supportive and listened to her concerns about her weight and needing help. I told her I would go to the gym with her prior to dinner because she asked.

So we're looking at the menu and they ask what I'm getting. I told them and it just happened to be one of the healthier items on the menu. I don't count anymore or obsess over what I'm eating and made HUGE progress in the last year.
My friends know I had a disorder and would poke fun of me or tell me to eat more in the past. Which never helped.

So they bring it up when the girl gets there to take our orders that I'm getting something healthy. Literally embarrass me in front of her and almost make me feel pressured to order something else. "Here my fatass is ordering a whole pizza" it got so uncomfortable. Then the friend who asked me to go to the gym with her mentions it to everyone and makes it sound like I was the one who wanted to go to the gym.

Our food got there and I felt so insecure. I couldn't even finish my food and just picked at it. It felt like highschool all over and feeling watched by everyone over what I was eating.

I've always had anxiety over eating in public or going out to restaurants for this reason. My ex would mention getting food and I felt awful but I'd make some excuse or say I wasn't hungry. Really I was just avoiding feeling judged while I'm trying to eat. We would go out and I would always take my food home or just nibble at it and I hated myself for that.

It's so crappy to shame or make someone else feel bad or self-conscious over what they're eating. I overcame my disorder. I don't at 25 need you to point out what I'm eating or pick me apart for it.

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone ever really recover from an eating disorder (any type)?
Created: Thu Mar 22 10:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86d3cj/does_anyone_ever_really_recover_from_an_eating/
I've never been officially diagnosed but I'm 99% sure that in my lifetime I've had ednos (restricting cycle anorexia type) and afterwards binge eating disorder. While I think that I more or less eat fine and my body image issues have lessened, I don't think that I will ever think about food a different way again. I think that my mind will always be stuck in the food=fat mindset and it's my choice whether to restrict or to accept that and overeat. I don't even know how normal people think about food.

I wish I knew how to properly think about food. I'm always bouncing between "I should starve myself" and "fuck food I wanna just relax from all this so eat whatever". There is no third option. I don't even know what the third, healthier option is. I wish I could go into the mind of a non-ED person and see how to properly think about food. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] Idk if I should be happy
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Thu Mar 22 10:57:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86d2sz/idk_if_i_should_be_happy/
So I’ve been heavily restricting for a few weeks now. Basically fasting most days, and I’ve lost a significant amount of weight. My mom hasn’t seen me in a while (even tho we live in the same house) but it’s bc I sleep to avoid eating. Anyways she saw me today and goes “oh my god! You’re tiny! You’re almost as thin as Farah” Farah is my older sister who is wayyyy thinner than me and has always been the thin sister. She asked me how I did it and I told her I have no time to eat bc of uni, and she told me to keep it up. Idk if I should be happy that I’m as thin as my sister now or annoyed that she showed no concern when I blatantly admitted to starving myself

[Discussion] Thin documentary
Created: Thu Mar 22 10:51:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86d0uq/thin_documentary/
Hey! Has anybody else watched the documentary called Thin? If not I recommend it as it’s an amazing watch

[Discussion] What laxative has the shortest window of effectiveness?
/u/sadlysalad [5'5" | CW:154 (25.6 BMI) | GW:125 | -23lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 10:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ct4p/what_laxative_has_the_shortest_window_of/
I figure you guys are the people to ask lol. I'm going on vacation and always get really constipated when I travel (stress? IDK) but we're going to be in a country where I don't speak the language and is known for not having many public bathrooms. Coffee is good because it works fast but sometimes I need something stronger.

Any suggestions for laxatives that work in a short period then stop? Ideally like an hour or two.

[Intro] Stepped on the scale this morning to see my highest weight ever
Created: Thu Mar 22 10:20:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86crhw/stepped_on_the_scale_this_morning_to_see_my/

[Help] Best “Detox” tea?
/u/mhm646 [5'5" | CW fat | GW 125 | UGW 118 | 21F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 09:52:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86cj2v/best_detox_tea/

[Rant/Rave] Running laps around the house
/u/fernsandfoxes [5’6” | CW:120 | BMI:19.45 | GW:110 | 18F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 09:50:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86cipk/running_laps_around_the_house/
I’m home alone and currently running laps around the house. I took my first EC stack this morning but I feel too disgusted with myself to run outside where people can see me. My cats are looking at me like I’m insane. What is my life hahahahaha

But at least I’m burning calories, right?

[Rant/Rave] I’m so sick of binging
Created: Thu Mar 22 09:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86cck7/im_so_sick_of_binging/
Being puffy from inflammation and full of dumb rotting food is killing my self esteem.
2 years ago I was single, doing yoga every morning, and I had a food plan. I ate the same stuff all the time. I didn’t cheat and I didn’t want to cheat because having a concave stomach under pointy hipbones felt better than food and I felt skinny and pretty and proud of myself. Then I got into a relationship and he pretended to like healthy food but like me was a fatass at heart so we ended up binging ice cream every night and I woke up every morning with explosive diarrhea and gained back 8-10# in weeks. All my self control was out the window. 2 years later and I’m still eating. I have PCOS, my long term health and appearance depends on what I do now. But I can’t stop eating and I’m so fucking tired of it.
Breakfast: bacon egg and cheese bfast sandwich
Lunch: 2 hard boiled eggs; smoothie with berries, chia, flax and almond/coconut milk
Dinner: McChicken and large diet coke
After dinner: peanut m&ms and single serving (at least I had the sense to not buy a family bag) of dumb Hawaii onion chips
I’m not being honest with anyone about how much it’s fucking me up to be so out of control. I just want to restrict again. The mental switch is so hard to find. I love you all and I’m sorry you have to deal with this garbage too
Edited for clarity
I wake up every day with my fucking face puffy, my fingers puffy, bags under my eyes, and just gross. Eating 800-4000 extra calories every fucking day is aging me
Edited for clarity and to add more whining

[Tip] Magnesium is better than laxities
Created: Thu Mar 22 09:14:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86c8ql/magnesium_is_better_than_laxities/
I've been sick with a cyst on my ovary and my SO has me taking a high amount of magnesium to help it go down. I told him I was taking allot and he said be careful, it can cause a laxative effect and you won't be able to eat anything without it going right though you.

So naturally I started taking a little more (1500mg) yesterday and today and it totally works without any of the stomach crapms or pain! Just make sure you drink lots of water.

[Discussion] Vegetables shall now be the base of my food pyramid
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 09:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86c5tu/vegetables_shall_now_be_the_base_of_my_food/
The scale is slowly teetering towards 110lbs, i've been consistently eating below 1000 a day but it's not been enough, so drastic times call for drastic measures

I'll do caloric ramp ups on Fridays, and the rest of the days I'm going to submit to beautiful black coffee, vegetables>fruits for fiber, and relentlessly count every last calorie I do get from any source of fruit, and add protein sources that are not a waste of my calories.

Does anyone have any good vegetable dish recommendations? <3

[Rant/Rave] A friend accidentally called me fat yesterday, and I may or may not have had a break down in front of my friends...
/u/saulst [5'11" | CW: 177.6 | 23.98 | M]
Created: Thu Mar 22 08:32:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bxa0/a_friend_accidentally_called_me_fat_yesterday_and/
Yesterday, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, and the conversation turned into us talking about our taste in men. I made a little comment about me wanting to date guys bigger than me so I can be be skinnier one in the relationship (they don't know about my ED, but they know about my struggles with body image, so I felt comfortable talking with them about that lowkey screwed up mindset), and my friend immediately responds, "Oh well that's going to be difficult for you" or something along those lines, implying it would be hard for me to find anyone bigger than me to date/for me to be the skinny one in a relationship.

It seemed like she heard me wrong and it was a honest mistake (and she profusely apologized), but even though I tried laughing off the mistake with my other friends, my body just took over and started uncontrollably sobbing. I claimed it was just tears from laughing so hard, but holy shit. It was just so embarrassing and uncomfortable, and I think they could tell I was upset about it. It was just SUPER awkward for everyone involved.

Just thought you all would appreciate this very embarrassing encounter. After getting some sleep, I am still feeling pretty mortified, but I can at least find the humor in the situation now.

Aldi & Dollar Tree Grocery Haul☽☼
Created: Thu Mar 22 08:05:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bq2u/aldi_dollar_tree_grocery_haul/

[Help] EC stacking for beginners?
Created: Thu Mar 22 07:57:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bo3g/ec_stacking_for_beginners/

[Discussion] what to do when you reach your ugw?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 50.7 | BMI 18.7 | GW 50 | UGW 45 ]
Created: Thu Mar 22 07:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bk8q/what_to_do_when_you_reach_your_ugw/
im .7kg from my first gw (50kg). starting at (using this date/stat bc its when i started tracking every single day on mfp) 54.2kg 30 days ago, ive lost 3.5kg in a month. i didn't think id lose that quickly??? my ugw is tentatively 45kg but i honestly cant imagine not restricting. am i just doomed to restriction until my body breaks???

(on mobile so no flair: discussion, i guess?)

[Rant/Rave] this bothers me so much.
/u/bellexy [5'8 | tubbalub | -20 | GW 118 | 🍑 mint_royale]
Created: Thu Mar 22 07:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bjfi/this_bothers_me_so_much/

[Rant/Rave] I’m a pathetic garbage that’s going to die alone
Created: Thu Mar 22 07:16:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bem9/im_a_pathetic_garbage_thats_going_to_die_alone/
My throat hurts from trying to throw up. Only a little bit came out. A huge binge, around 2000 kcal. I’m trying to eat max 1200 a day. I have had BED since I can remember. I was never loved but food made me feel good. And then not so good. HW 238 lbs. Lost 50lbs. And I’m still fuckin fat. And I just can’t throw up. I tried when I turned 9 and I’ve been trying since then. My goal is so far away. I’ll never get there. My scale is fucked. I step on it once and it says im 4lbs up. Then again and I’m 5lbs down. I try 10 more times and I’m still 5lbs down. But I don’t believe it.
Im so tired of this. I’m so tired of not having control. I can’t control it!!! I have a binge like this at least once every two weeks. It’s so pathetic.
I tried so hard to turn into an anorexic instead. But I always binged. I could never do it. My mum caught me looking at myself in the mirror when I was 10 and said you know you’d actually be pretty if you’d lose weight, it’s a shame.
It is a fuckin shame.

“You should take a lunch break”
Created: Thu Mar 22 07:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86bb81/you_should_take_a_lunch_break/
“No thanks.”

Or, how I awkwardly told my coworkers I don’t eat lunch. They’ve been hounding me about my food intake even though I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been. So I awkwardly turned down a (mandatory?) break for food and now I know they’re going to be watching me. They’ve already told me energy drinks aren’t meals and yogurt isn’t a real breakfast and I just don’t know how to handle them.

[Discussion] Thoughts on fitbits?
/u/library-cat [5'6" | 132 | 21.3 | 22F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 06:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86b2ib/thoughts_on_fitbits/
So after a few months of steady progress I've fallen back into another damn binge cycle (what a shocker  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ) and it's really killing my motivation to work out. I've been looking into buying myself a fitbit in the hopes that actually seeing the numbers will help me move more. I like the idea of being able to quantify my workouts. My question for those of you who have a fitbit: are they actually worth the money, or are they a novelty item? I can't justify dropping $100+ on something that won't actually be useful. (I'm considering the alta HR, if that changes anything)


[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 22, 2018
Created: Thu Mar 22 06:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86b05a/weekly_emotional_support_march_22_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 22, 2018
Created: Thu Mar 22 06:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86azwc/daily_food_diary_march_22_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 22, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] March 22nd, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 05:59:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86axnl/march_22nd_2018_question_of_the_day/
What’s a news story from today?

*quickly checks Reddit front page*

[Rant/Rave] I just don't know what to do from here
/u/Mini-Size_Me [172cm | 59kg | BMI20 | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 04:57:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ami2/i_just_dont_know_what_to_do_from_here/
My brain is moving so fast I can barely catch on to a coherent thought. I'm stressing because my weight has plateaued for nearly two weeks and I don't understand why! And I'm panicking so much because I'm going to be eating out twice over the weekend (once even at fish and chips!!) for family events and I have been restricting to 600-900 calories a day for ages now and I don't know how I'm going to manage that eating out and being around family. Even on a normal day I get really anxious and guilty (wtf) whenever my calorie intake ends up over 700. What can I do guys?! How do I break this damn plateau?? How do I keep restricting while eating out with family?? Sorry for rambling, I am just so damn panicky!

Edit: Sorry for being so panicky. I'm just really confused by what my body is doing and really worried about the weekend. Sorry for rambling so much!

[Other] Body, why you do this
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 04:42:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86ajk7/body_why_you_do_this/

[Other] I don't even want it.
Created: Thu Mar 22 04:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86afnt/i_dont_even_want_it/

[Other] When you work in a restaurant and all of the food they serve is high calorie garbage
Created: Thu Mar 22 03:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86abpz/when_you_work_in_a_restaurant_and_all_of_the_food/

[Rant/Rave] Can’t even deal..
Created: Thu Mar 22 03:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86a718/cant_even_deal/
So I’ve been doing real well, like have lost 26 kg since November, and have hit a healthy bmi. Have a boyfriend for the first time in years.

Binged today, like 3000 calories and I can’t cope. Feel so disgusting and I hate myself and I just don’t know how to move forward. Why did I do that to myself? What is wrong with me? I was purging until blood came out and it freaked me out, and I just don’t know what to do know. My hair is falling out.

I couldn’t concentrate at school, I walked outta class to purge cuz I knew the toilets would be empty.

I feel like a failure. I disappoint myself. I’m trying to quit smoking too and maybe it was too soon.

Sorry for another failed rant—- I normally try to keep my posts positive here, I just am not coping, I feel so alone, I want to run away.

Also am a recovering addict, wish I could just use drugs like I use to, to get skinny but I can’t.

And found out heaps of my friends have all been talking about me behind my back, calling me a slut. It hurts. Can’t wait for tomorrow so I can put today behind me. So scared how much it will affect my weigh in.... fuck so much hard work for nothing. Couldn’t even afford my binge now am broke.
Thanks for listening 😭😭😭

[Discussion] Anyone else go to OA?
Created: Thu Mar 22 01:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/869mue/anyone_else_go_to_oa/
I go to meetings and have a sponsor. It helps me not be TOTALLY nuts. new in the program. Still struggle. But have made a lot of progress and lost about 50 lbs. My favorite part is sometimes I go like a who day without obsessing over food.

Was taking pictures for Instagram and I realised how fat my arm looked...
/u/heyitclaire [5'5 | CW 98 | BMI 16.5 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 22 00:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/869f6l/was_taking_pictures_for_instagram_and_i_realised/

When someone takes notice of your weight loss
Created: Thu Mar 22 00:05:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/869cem/when_someone_takes_notice_of_your_weight_loss/
Whenever someone takes notice of my weight loss and compliments me on it, I do feel nice for that split second but right after I get this overwhelming sense of guilt and it eats away at my mind all day because I know I didn't lose the weight in a healthy manner. It tends to fire up my ED and makes me think they're lying and that I actually need to lose more weight. Does anyone else get like this?

[Help] Drugs to see yourself
Created: Thu Mar 22 00:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/869c5i/drugs_to_see_yourself/

Daily intake!!
Created: Wed Mar 21 23:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8695yy/daily_intake/

[Other] trapped in myself
/u/illendmylife [bmi: 16.9 | gw 100lbs | f]
Created: Wed Mar 21 23:24:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8695n7/trapped_in_myself/
every part of me is ugly. i wear disposable earloop masks anywhere. i try to cover every part of my body. when i'm in public i feel so insecure and open. people will stare at anything exposed and think badly of me. people lie to my face about how i look. they say i look fine, i look better when i'm not hiding, they're jealous of my body, etc. it's lies. i cry when i look in the mirror. it doesn't matter how much weight i lose i can't fix my body. i can't stand it anymore. i'm wearing it until i kill myself. my therapists are not going to convince me otherwise. i deserve to be dead.

[Discussion] fasting made me lose 5 pounds?
Created: Wed Mar 21 22:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8690sh/fasting_made_me_lose_5_pounds/

[Other] Peach App
Created: Wed Mar 21 22:52:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8690bg/peach_app/
Hi. My username on MPA is ~ Bunny ~ and I am attempting to stop binging (I am bulimic).

I would love to also follow anyone on the Peach app so if you want you can drop your username or add me. My username is BunnyMPA on peach.

[Rant/Rave] A bad day, feeling low and pathetic
Created: Wed Mar 21 22:47:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868zhn/a_bad_day_feeling_low_and_pathetic/
Sigh today had all the makings of a good day until I met up with my fwb. for the past three days I've been eating pretty bad, and he's Very vigilant about what he eats. on top of that he's exercising a lot and his body is becoming very defined. it terrifies me and fills me with jealously at the same time. he never comments on how i look but I can just tell he finds me repulsive, scared hes going to ghost me once he reaches his goal idk I'm a mess and I wish I were skinnier and hotter ugh stupid

[Tip] Do you know any tricks to lose water weight really fast (like 10+ pounds?)
/u/patriotsfan4life [5'2 | CW: 100 | GW: 70 | 14F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 22:23:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868v38/do_you_know_any_tricks_to_lose_water_weight/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Fainting brought me back to ED
Created: Wed Mar 21 22:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868sil/rant_fainting_brought_me_back_to_ed/
I had overcome an ED of calorie restriction. It had been years since it was an issue. But starting a year ago, I started to faint frequently without provocation. Sitting at my desk (worked from home) on a call, then keeling over, watching a movie, etc. Most recently, I was having dinner at a busy restaurant and fainted with no warning in the middle of the restaurant. It was mortifying. The only saving grace was that I wasn't alone, so they stopped anyone from calling an ambulance, so didn't have to deal with that expense. Now, I feel so self conscious when going out in public, knowing it could happen anytime, and people stare. I feel suddenly ashamed with how I look, feeling like people are judging me. So I started restricting again. I am on a fast now, and it is so much easier than I remembered. I can't afford going back to the doctor for more testing. In my head, I know that restricting when I already have something going on (I am convinced it was nerves, for some reason, even though I wasn't nervous when I fainted each time) is stupid, but it is almost like I am grasping at control.

Sorry, just needed to vent. I feel so ashamed of myself, suddenly in how I look, that I am overweight, and also that I feel so stupid that I can't make myself eat normally anymore

[Help] Am I planning a binge?!
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 108.6 | 20.1 | -12 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 21:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868mnl/am_i_planning_a_binge/
I'm honestly not one to eat massive quantities of food all at once when I'm trying to restrict. If I do overeat/binge, it's on a lot of little things... 60 calories here, 100 calories there... and over the course of a day it brings my total up above 1000.

I've eaten all my planned meals and snacks for the day, and managed 840. Not a great result, but not world-shattering either. I'll still lose weight with that result. But when my calorie allowance resets at midnight, I'm planning to eat a single-serving mug cake with icing (400) and a pint of Arctic Zero (140), and some tea with almond milk (15).

"Dude," the alarm bells in my head are saying, "What the fuck is wrong with you? It's one thing to eat a massive quantity of sweets when your brain is screaming at you to eat. It still makes you a disgusting, fat pig and it's still the reason you have normal-weight obesity, but holy shit at least you wouldn't be PLANNING to do this to yourself!! What in the name of God's almighty dick are you THINKING, you FUCKING deviant?!"

So, yeah. It's 555 calories. All of it in sugar. Is that bad to eat all at once? Is it a binge? Am I about to do something I'm going to regret ALL day?

[Rant/Rave] bestworst day ever (rant/rave)
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Wed Mar 21 21:34:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868let/bestworst_day_ever_rantrave/
( rant/rave)
my pet chicken died and i felt like shit. my parents dropped me off at the mall alone, so i walked to a nearby store and bought the binge food then walked back to the mall and binged in public and god i felt so pathetic. i felt disgusting i was crying on a bench in a lonely corner and people were looking at me and my diet coke cherry tasted like fucking bleach.

it was humiliating and i couldn’t try to purge because the only bathroom i felt okay using was backed up and the toilet was filled with grossness.

rave: mid binge my best friend texted me and i told him what was going on. so he biked to the mall and helped me out. we hung out for the day, and we ran around the mall being jackasses.

he got me a watermelon icee and then walked me to my bus stop, then i went to a basketball game and sat courtside.

mini rant pt. ii.

yeah so the courtside tickets let me into the vip dinner lounge where they had a lot of food and i pretty much binged again.

they had a dessert table that i fucked up and i finessed a bunch of jellybeans to take home which was dumb, but after that i didn’t want to kill myself.

maybe i was just tired from the mood swinging that day but going to bed i felt surprisingly content and really okay...

sorry this is long

Created: Wed Mar 21 21:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868j7r/i_got_into_my_dream_college_for_computer_science/

6 months ago i was recovering from a recent breakup and overwelmed with school but im so fuckin glad i pulled through.

celebrating with doughnuts

[Goal] Calorie milestone!
/u/DustyKangaroo [5'2 | CW 137 | -25lbs | GW 100]
Created: Wed Mar 21 20:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/868crf/calorie_milestone/
I've always had a problem with binge/over-eating, its so frustrating. But! Last year, for a few months, I kept myself strictly at 1200 a day (my first attempt at some damn self control). Then brought it down to 1000, and maintained that for a few months (which is a big accomplishment for the person that could eat two pizzas alone in one sitting....)

But then, this month, I lost it, and ate way over my limit for about two weeks and felt like such shit. It was horrible.

But now, I've kept myself at 800 for 5 days running! I know it's not the lowest people have gone, so maybe it doesnt seem like much, but its a new low for me and I *love* the stability I'm feeling from it.

I know it isn't much of an accomplishment compared to some people, but I'm really proud of myself and have no one else to share it with.

[Discussion] Going to just collapse pretty soon
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 87 | BMI 14.5| 17F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 20:27:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8686hq/going_to_just_collapse_pretty_soon/
Depression has given me no will to fight it. No will to get better. Like why would I fight for my life if I wanna die anyway?

So recovery attempts have been a total failure lately. It's fucked up but I am just trying to get some shit done this week before I either go to the hospital next week, or I just pass out and get taken to the hospital before then. Any time now, I'm just gonna pass out.

I get super dizzy and see stars every time I stand up and a few times I even fell over. Anyone else feint from their ED?

[Help] Help! I think my little brother has an Eating Disorder and I have no idea how to help!
Created: Wed Mar 21 20:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86817i/help_i_think_my_little_brother_has_an_eating/
My little brother used to be slightly overweight, nothing crazy, just liked to snack a lot.

2 years ago (16 years old) he began his "extreme" dieting, where he would only eat one meal a day, and do extreme exercise, like running and biking 10 - 15 miles a day.

Now things, have started getting really bad !

He basically only eats a small breakfast and turkey sandwich for dinner.

You can see all of his bones, like it is really scary ! He says he is always dizzy and sees black and is getting depressed all the time, really scary stuff!!!

My family, and I keep trying to help him, by giving him advice and trying to show him that he is on the wrong path.
Every time we engage in this discussion, he gets really upset and isolates himself.

What should we do to help him ? I really want to help, but I have no idea how to fix this!

A brother trying to help

[Rant/Rave] 90 hours into a fast
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:125.2lbs | BMI: 19.51 | -18.8 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 21 19:29:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/867srk/90_hours_into_a_fast/

[Rant/Rave] This is it
Created: Wed Mar 21 19:23:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/867r5k/this_is_it/
I have been binging non stop everyday since mid November and today is the last day. I already gained 25 lbs and my family is sick of me eating all of the groceries. None of my clothes fit, my sister just called me disgusting and informed me that I have a problem cause I ate most of the oreos, and I feel uncomfortable in my body. I can't stand the extra weight and how much its literally weighting me down. I scared people when I go outside and I am unable to leave my house because I feel so ashame of how much I have gained. So much time has passed and I am fatter than I should be; the goals that I should have meet and all the progress that I ate up are killing me. I just want to close my eyes and wake up a year ago. Right now, there's nothing left but my fatter self and my disappointment/regret. I don't even feel human anymore. Everything around me is getting out of control and I am just letting it happen. After consuming thousands of calories everyday, food is just food. There's nothing special about it, the just shame and regret with every bite. I am done. I am going to stop. It's not worth it. I am setting myself a goal of being where I want to be at the end of this year. This is it.

[Other] My dog stopped me from purging
Created: Wed Mar 21 18:34:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/867fd5/my_dog_stopped_me_from_purging/
I was going to b/p. I felt it coming on all day. I ate a whole bag of chips in 30 minutes. I was going to purge but... I was in the bathroom and he was just standing there wagging his tail slowly with this very concerned look on his face. He wouldn’t leave me alone and started whining until I stopped. He’s now laying next to me on the couch. Im tempted to go binge some more but I don’t want to disturb him, so I’m sitting here sipping peppermint tea.

I definitely made a bad decision by binging but I honestly don’t think I can purge again. I feel like I would let my dog down? I know that’s kind of dumb but yeah. Has this happened to anyone else?

Edit: I’ve since verbally promised him I will do better and that the next time I feel the need to purge, I will take him on a walk instead.

[Discussion] Anyone else with a long term ED who has always had a higher BMI?
/u/rabbit-ira [5'5'' | 149.4 | 24.9 | UGW: 111 | 22 nonbinary]
Created: Wed Mar 21 18:23:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/867cm7/anyone_else_with_a_long_term_ed_who_has_always/
I’m just curious. My lowest BMI past childhood was around 21, and that was only for a few months. I’ve had an ED for nearly 8 years now and my BMI tends to fluctuate between 23 and 29 over and over. At this point i’m not sure if i’ll ever seen anything below 20. Anyone else?

[Goal] Question about my weight loss
Created: Wed Mar 21 18:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8677j8/question_about_my_weight_loss/

[Rant/Rave] Gym routine - scared to gain muscle
/u/oriamB [5'6 | CW 135? | GW 120 | always fluctuating | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 17:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86736q/gym_routine_scared_to_gain_muscle/
I need to see the scale go down, but the thought of having really strong arms & calves is so nice! But i know gaining muscle will make my weight go up so ill just stick to cardio and abs i guess...

[Discussion] dae not want to wear pants until they're skinny enough?
/u/jiangguo [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.5 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 17:43:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86725x/dae_not_want_to_wear_pants_until_theyre_skinny/
i know a lot of people struggle with the opposite (not wanting to wear dresses/skirts until they're thin enough) but it's cold on the east coast and i haven't worn pants alone in a year and a half (besides for going to the gym/theatre) because they make me feel so much bigger and bulkier. i can handle baggy shorts but anything else makes me feel SO exposed

[Help] Boyfriend caught me purging and got mad :/
Created: Wed Mar 21 17:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/866s1i/boyfriend_caught_me_purging_and_got_mad/

[Other] Just started by first EC stack journey. Looking for others advice and experiences.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Wed Mar 21 16:40:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/866lg7/just_started_by_first_ec_stack_journey_looking/

[Rant/Rave] That feel when people notice your weight loss
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1.5" | CW202.4 | BMI38 | -18 | 22M]
Created: Wed Mar 21 16:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/866hvu/that_feel_when_people_notice_your_weight_loss/
Today one of my college instructors said to me "you look good!! You've lost weight." She is super fit, and tiny, she's honestly thinspo goals. The kind of person who actually likes kombucha and enjoys walking up ten flights of stairs, for example. I stumbled over "thank you, I've been working on it." and proceeded to drink my breakfast of black coffee/diet coke. That comment fueled my ED fire to be honest with you. Especially since my grade is tanking and I crave perfection. I feel in control/out of control. Not sure whether this is a rant or rave. Anyone relate?

[Rant/Rave] Paradox of wanting someone to notice and wanting to lose weight without being bothered about it
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 157 | GW 123 | -30 lbs | 24F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 15:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8665av/paradox_of_wanting_someone_to_notice_and_wanting/
I've been restricting hard since Monday. Yesterday and the day before I ran 3.5 miles on the treadmill before work, then hiked another 2.5 miles (I work on a mountain with hiking trails). This morning I ran 6 miles on the treadmill. My intake has been 600-800 calories each day. For some reason, I want my boyfriend to notice. I've been trying not to call attention to it (he knows about my ED and just wants me to be happy and healthy), but at the same time I want him to see that I'm just eating veggies in broth for dinner and be concerned. It's not fair and I'm actively trying to hide it/be discreet about it, but on some level I just want him to notice. At the same time I want to get down to my UGW without being bothered about it, and then have him notice how skinny I got and be worried. It's really not fair to him, but that's what my brain is doing. We've both been home all day from the snow (we live in the northeast) and I haven't eaten anything all day and he hasn't commented or noticed.

[Other] Went for a walk my ED brain had to do a double take at this sign
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 15:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/865tsa/went_for_a_walk_my_ed_brain_had_to_do_a_double/

[Discussion] ED's and anti-depressants
Created: Wed Mar 21 14:49:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/865pdu/eds_and_antidepressants/
I just started taking Prozac for anxiety and depression, and my psychiatrist warned me that one of the major side effects is weight gain. I'm PANICKING. I'm almost constantly restricting to try and combat weight gain. Do any of y'all have experience with this or advice?

[Other] Completely relatable
Created: Wed Mar 21 14:44:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/865nty/completely_relatable/

So proud!
Created: Wed Mar 21 14:25:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/865ho7/so_proud/

[Help] I didn’t restrict after a binge. How is this “progress?” I’ve been binge eating for six years. Only difference is now I get fat after.
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:59:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8659o0/i_didnt_restrict_after_a_binge_how_is_this/

[Discussion] /u/xwer15 posted about Meredith Foster about her ED, wanted to followup with a comparison pic I found online
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:55:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8658er/uxwer15_posted_about_meredith_foster_about_her_ed/

[Help] My lower abdomen is always bloated and gets 1000% worse when I eat or drink something.
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86558z/my_lower_abdomen_is_always_bloated_and_gets_1000/
Does anyone else deal with this? What do you do? It seriously looks like I'm six months pregnant anytime I ingest something.

[Discussion] Body shape
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 98 | 16.5| GW 94 | F 23]
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8651mt/body_shape/
Can any of yall see your ribs and bones, but have a small bit of distended stomach at the bottom? I hate it and i feel really abnormal. I dont know if its dismorphia or im like actually deformed lol.

[Rant/Rave] Tried two different measuring cups to measure 1/2 cup of almond milk
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8650c6/tried_two_different_measuring_cups_to_measure_12/
I tried the seperated one first (the one that is specifically for measuring 1/2 cup) and I then put the milk i measured in that cup into another measuring cup (the one thats transparent with lines to show the cup measures and mL) and it said that the milk that was in the first cup is actually 1/3 cup. what the fuck am i supposed to believe??? measuring cups suck just let us measure with grams!! ugh

[Rant/Rave] Admitting defeat
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:26:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864zw2/admitting_defeat/
When running my fingers down my sides and

wrapping them around my hipbones feels

more like an admittance of guilt

than any kind of appreciation

When I itch a spot on my chest that used to

be just another stretch of skin,

and the collarbones creating mountains out of plains

are unfamiliar to what I've known my body to be

When I pull my legs towards my chest

and stretch and pull and squat and sweat,

and it aches so much they can't serve their purpose for days

but the skin jiggles when I move

and so I stretch some more

When watching the clock is a challenge

to see how far I can let the seconds move

before I have to eat, and the longer I push,

the more I can't remember why

and it ruins my spirit

But I'm wearing a 00, double zero, less than nothing -

less than less than nothing

and I'm clipping extra small skirts to my waist

because there's nothing to wrap fabric around

and I can't wear doll's clothing

Even if I am feeling like a fragile, tiny piece

of paper skin and porcelain

Dreading the weekend because having fun and letting loose

is impossible when you're staring at other people's plates

and measuring 1oz shots as they stack up

and I have to measure

if it's worth the calories vs. the absence of my own thoughts

[Goal] Update: 500 cal diet
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864xke/update_500_cal_diet/

[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I feel like a volcano that's about to erupt
/u/china_doll [5'5.5 | CW150.6 | SW179.2 | 24.87 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 13:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864tki/sometimes_i_feel_like_a_volcano_thats_about_to/
I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I've lost 30lbs and some of my clothes are getting too big for me. I look at pretty clothes online and I make plans to go shopping. I convince myself that I'll find something that looks good on me and that I'll find eternal happiness in retail therapy.

Then I end up in tears in the changing room, every time. I get this overwhelming urge to punish myself. It's like the blood is boiling inside me and I need to lash out or I'll explode. I hit myself in the head with my fists. I dig my nails into my thighs or stomach until I break the skin. Then I wait for my eyes to be less red from crying, and leave the changing room empty handed.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Had I known 10 years ago that I'd still hate myself and my body as viciously as I do now, I would have given up a long time ago.

[Help] FTM guys with EDs
Created: Wed Mar 21 12:59:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864rfo/ftm_guys_with_eds/
Hey I'm FTM with an ED, I've been on testosterone for just over 8 months and have noticed that, even though I'm restricting (usually eating under 800kcal a day), I've managed to gain a weight?! Has anyone else noticed this or know why?

I know that you gain muscle mass on T, but I thought it would just convert from my body fat?
I'm panicking a bit 🙃

[Discussion] A cry for help from a desperate, lonely girl (rant)
Created: Wed Mar 21 12:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864ogm/a_cry_for_help_from_a_desperate_lonely_girl_rant/
I have been struggling with an eating disorder for the past two years now. Always restricting but never became underweight. My boyfriend at the time supported me a lot and always listened to my, trying to calm me down when i was freaking out in self hate. Now i just talk to him occasionally and i just feel like he is so fed up with me and would stop talking to me altogether if i spilled my thoughts on this topic one more time. So i am keeping it to myself, while i am worse than ever. I am terrified of food, want to fast all day and still occasionally give in once a day and eat. At those times i tend to binge a little and i just want to kill myself because of it. I feel so out of control, i just want to be thin and not having to eat ever again. I feel like, if i show anyone how i really feel and what i am doing to myself, no one would ever want to be my friend anymore. I feel like I can't do anything right, I always overshoot.

[Discussion] has anyone ever told you “actually undereating will make you GAIN weight.”
Created: Wed Mar 21 12:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864mwy/has_anyone_ever_told_you_actually_undereating/
is there any substance to this claim? I always roll my eyes when people have said it to me, but it creeps in the back of my mind sometimes and makes me anxious

[Discussion] DAE eat something because they have to and not count it?
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 125 | ugw: 98 | 17F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Wed Mar 21 12:31:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864ijv/dae_eat_something_because_they_have_to_and_not/
This is probably really weird for someone with an ED tbh but if I’m fasting and I *have* to eat something but it’s low enough in calories, I don’t count it as breaking my fast.

Like yesterday I started fasting at 3:30 and then I couldn’t sleep because of hunger, so at around midnight I ate some applesauce. But I decided it didn’t really matter because it was only 45 calories?? So I’m telling myself I’m at 21 hours for my fast. Even though I know that’s not right.

Am I the only one?

[Discussion] Vent session: What's the shittiest thing you've done to get out of eating?
/u/rabbit-ira [5'5'' | 149.4 | 24.9 | UGW: 111 | 22 nonbinary]
Created: Wed Mar 21 12:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864cel/vent_session_whats_the_shittiest_thing_youve_done/
EDs suck, and I do not ever want to glamorize them. This isn't a thread to share advice or tips to get out of eating, it's to talk about how EDs make you do horrible shitty things to not eat and get some of it off our chests. Let's vent about the shittiest things we've done to get out of eating.

Like most people on this sub, I've had an ED for years so I've done some pretty stupid shit to avoid eating food. But the one that comes to mind makes me really sad.

I was on vacation with my family, but it was a weekday during the trip and I had to work for a few hours. We ordered Mexican food and I got something simple, I don't remember. I think I just wanted beans and veggies. When it showed up, it turned out it came with about 20,000 sides and I FLIPPED. It was like beans, rice, veggies, tortillas, guacamole, and salsa. I was overwhelmed as hell. I panicked.

So I pretended that I was going to take it into the hotel's business room to eat while I worked. I isolated from my family, sat in that room with my work, and tried to will myself into eating at least a bit. But I couldn't, so I just threw half of it away, (pushed like a full fucking meal into this tiny hotel trash can) then brought my "leftovers" back to the room. Later on when everyone was sleeping I threw my "leftovers" away, too. I had to chat with them about how good the food was for the rest of the day.

The dumbest part? I was "recovered" during this time. I thought that eating 1200 calories meant I no longer had an ED and could handle food without getting anxious. But not knowing the ingredients+calories+the sheer VOLUME of the food wigged me out. What a wake up call that was.

If I could change everything, I would go back and eat at least a bit of the food and share my leftovers, deal with it, and just move on. Not only do I hate wasting food, but I had to spend hours of my VACATION being anxious as hell and preoccupied with food instead of enjoying.

I don't know why this sticks with me so much, because I've definitely done worse things to get out of eating, but this memory just upset me. :( I'll share anything else I think of in the comments.

What shitty things have you done to get out of eating?

[Rant/Rave] Ugh, end of day binging ruining my weight loss
/u/whateverelsethereis [5'6" | cw:160 | gw: 130 | f]
Created: Wed Mar 21 11:37:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864162/ugh_end_of_day_binging_ruining_my_weight_loss/
I'm pretty good at restricting during the day, but I think my anxiety/depression gets worse at night and I'm tired after the end of a long day and feel like I deserve food to comfort me or something. This is my first time seriously trying to lose weight in a while, I'm tired of feeling ashamed of my body and inferior to people skinnier than me, I want to feel attractive. I'm pretty good at not eating too much during the day, without even putting effort into it I could be at 600 calories by nighttime. But then I fuck it up with a binge that's up to like 1,200 cals :( Maybe I just need to restrict even more during the day and make sure I work out every day so that even if I binge at night I'll still be losing weight? I also might try looking into lower calorie foods that still give me the satisfaction of eating something yummy and being full but aren't a ridiculous amount of cals like a pint of Ben and Jerrys is.

[Rant/Rave] I know I'm so late but holy shit ECA stack
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | CW: 125 | GW: 116 | 21F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 11:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/864033/i_know_im_so_late_but_holy_shit_eca_stack/
I had been successfully restricting for a week(after a week long shit show/mental breakdown), and decided I wanted a reward/pick-me-up.

After minimal success from sudafed, I decided to give Bronkaid a shot and HOLY SHIT.

I'm on day 3 and seriously have no desire for food. I almost guarantee I'm a pound or two less than my flair.

I seriously think I can hit my goal weight (which would be my new low weight. Lowest weight currently is 117-118.)

How have I ignored this beautiful drug for so long.

[Rant/Rave] went out to eat w family for lunch:(
Created: Wed Mar 21 11:29:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863z13/went_out_to_eat_w_family_for_lunch/
i just feel so terrible now, like I’ve set back every day of restricting. i calculated it into my lose it app and it says I’m only at 800 for the day but I feel so heavy?? also it’s snowing so I can’t go for a jog and my boyfriends here and i don’t him to see me workout. hopefully he won’t pressure me into eating at dinner, ill just say I think th food made me sick and then watch a mukbang if my stomach starts to growl. bad day:(

Supportive of me losing weight
Created: Wed Mar 21 11:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863uce/supportive_of_me_losing_weight/
Just wanted to share my little success of the day since I’m having a shitty one otherwise but my ex/the guy I regularly sleep with is supportive of me losing 15 pounds to get back down to 100 since I was there when we first met. He was supposed to be, in my head, the biggest obstacle for this goal but I’m so happy that he doesn’t care. I gained too much relationship weight when I was with him because he was always watching what I ate but now he’s being supportive! Just wanted to share with people who would totally get where I’m coming from.

[Discussion] Alter Egos
Created: Wed Mar 21 11:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863rkg/alter_egos/

[Help] Cookbooks on amazon?
/u/watchmedisappear [5'6" | FAT | -53.2 lb since 1/20/16 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 11:03:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863r8i/cookbooks_on_amazon/
Anyone have recommendations for vegetarian cookbooks on amazon? Looking for ones with small low cal meals, possibly low carb, and with nutrition info. Any ideas? I just love cooking recipes from a book! Thank you in advance.

[Discussion] Exercise Purging/Compulsive Exercising
/u/takayl [5'10 | 178 | 25 | -20 | 18F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863pkq/exercise_purgingcompulsive_exercising/
Hi, just wanted to hear about everyone’s experiences with purging via exercise/abnormal bulimia/all that stuff. What type of exercise do you usually do, how much do you usually exercise every week, basically anything.

As an intro, last year I got into running while I started restricting (for normal weight loss, non-ED reasons). I didn’t realize my calories were way too low for how tall I was and started binging after a few months, which terrified me so I turned to exercising. Before I knew it I was on the elliptical or treadmill for four hours a day despite my countless foot/shin injuries and TERRIFIED to stop doing so. Last semester was really difficult academically so I turned to just fasting/restricting after binging but now I have more free time and I can feel myself relapsing with exercise. Just curious to hear about anyone else’s experience because I felt like such an ED fraud for so long because I can’t throw up and was binging a ton but my food anxiety was ruling my life.

[Other] The more out of control my life feels, the easier restriction magically becomes
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:49:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863n0w/the_more_out_of_control_my_life_feels_the_easier/
I was dealing with an incredibly hard binge period (gained around 20 lbs in 4
fucking months) and then I OD’d on xanax and tylonal in the bathroom at chapters. Since then, being in the psychiatric ward, all my freedom taken away, I suddenly can’t eat. I look down at my food and it doesn’t even look good. The nurses don’t even care.

It’s funny. The more in control I am in my life, the more I tend to uncontrollably binge. The less freedom I have, suddenly restriction is the most easy feeling in the world.

i guess eating disorders really are all about control

[Rant/Rave] cw: recovery / binge / restricting
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/863kud/cw_recovery_binge_restricting/
lmao I went to therapy today and I told my counselor about how I didn’t eat at all til 6 yesterday and then binged like a fucking idiot and how I didn’t eat this morning because I binged and now she’s got me setting reminders in my phone to eat and now I am like honestly gonna be anxious every time I see the freaking notifications because I don’t want to eat and I don’t want to binge but if I don’t eat I’ll binge and I’m so fucking tired of this cycle I just wanna be normal like those Instagram vegans with the bowls of fruit who are all happy and have good skin and don’t look tired from fasting and binging for years.

I don’t know how to have a normal relationship with food and I never will because even if I regulate my eating and lose my extra weight in a healthy way I’m gonna always look in the mirror and see this fat bitch who I have been for my whole life.

I wish I was rich enough to go on one of those weight loss vacations where you just work out and have your meals prepped for you for months til you’re healthy and know wtf you’re doing.

[Discussion] energy when fasting?
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | too much / GW: 53kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:06:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8639nt/energy_when_fasting/
So I've just completed my first 24 hour fast...it's not that bad, had waves of hunger but they went away after a short while. However I also experienced a little surge in energy. Does this happen to anyone else?

[Discussion] I got Naltrexone to stop the EDs; more info in the post
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8639kk/i_got_naltrexone_to_stop_the_eds_more_info_in_the/
Naltrexone is a drug to stop drug addiction and alcoholism. It’s an opioid antagonist and thus decreases the reward system in your brain towards those things. It’s been noted to also be correlated to weight loss.

Some drug company thought of combining wellbutrin and a low dose of naltrexone to make a new anti obesity drug. People on the drug lost ~8% more body weight than those on the placebo.

Wellbutrin is an ADHD drug and a stimulant, it’s also an atypical antidepressant used a lot for those with BED. However those with EDNOS/Bulimia/Anorexia usually are not given it due to fear of seizures and extreme weight loss.

I take 12.6mg/day of naltrexone and 450mg/day of wellbutrin. I may increase to 25 mg/day naltrexone, but right now my body is adjusting and I got really sick on the 25mg dosage.

So far, I still have disordered thoughts about food but not right after taking it. Perhaps its a placebo effect since it has to saturate my system first before actually doing it’s magic for the disordered thoughts. It has worked to stop alcohol from feeling good and from opioids giving an emotionally numbing feeling.

On my first day of taking it, before I got really sick, I was not inclined to eat all day until around the 8hr mark. Wellbutrins half life is 8hrs, so it may have been that even though i’ve been hungry on it before. Perhaps the two work together somehow to bring the appetite suppressant more strongly? Naltrexone’s half life varies on the dosage, so because my dose is so small it is possible it has a similar half life right now.

If people show an interest I’ll post an update in a few weeks when it’s fully saturated in my system and I’ll let you know my weight loss number too.


[Discussion] I didn't realize I have body dismorphia
/u/obama_means_family [Height 5'7" | CW 153.2 | BMI 24 | HW 190 | Gender F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8639i7/i_didnt_realize_i_have_body_dismorphia/
So I'm actually at a healthy bmi for the first time since high school (my goal is right at the line between healthy and underweight). My sister was superrrrrr tiny before having kids and after having them I know she's had a bit of trouble getting back to her pre-baby weight, but she still looks small despite some mom tummy. I'm a couple inches taller than her and looking at her I would swear up and down she is smaller than me in almost every way except breasts (that's prolly the only place I can see any changes on myself).
Well today we were going through some clothes and she offered me some shorts that were in my newest size. I gratefully accepted them because I don't have a lot of clothes that fit currently (but I still have tons of clothes that don't fit anymore lmao). Then she said "great, I can't fit them since they're a size too small for me" and talked about how she needs to start running again. This threw me for a loop because even with some baby weight I still feel like I'm this gigantic whale person standing next to a petite dancer-esque woman. Obviously this literally can't be the case when I'm now a size smaller than she is, meaning I have no real guage as to how large I am.
So I guess now I'm wondering what that moment was for you guys. When did you realize that A: you were actually making progress and/or B: that you were experiencing body dismorphia?

[Discussion] Anyone else get a weird sense of satisfaction from making other people uncomfortable
Created: Wed Mar 21 10:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8638n2/anyone_else_get_a_weird_sense_of_satisfaction/
I'm remembering once when I was eating a whole jar of salsa by itself and my friends thought it was really weird and were like why do you do that and I was like, straight up, "I have an eating disorder," and they were like oh yah fair lmaooooo
idk it just seemed like revenge because I hate when people comment on how weird what I'm eating is

[Help] Calorie Counter
Created: Wed Mar 21 09:36:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86312e/calorie_counter/
Anyone know any really great calorie counter apps, i cant write everything down all the time

One step forward, two back?!
Created: Wed Mar 21 09:21:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862wqj/one_step_forward_two_back/

[Rant/Rave] oh my god, I think I've found a route to recovery
/u/brontide-holophrasis [5'10" | cw: yikes | gw: 110 lbs | (ft)m]
Created: Wed Mar 21 09:08:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862t4u/oh_my_god_i_think_ive_found_a_route_to_recovery/
guys. guys. *guys.* I can't believe I just realized this. so, I'm a trans guy, and it's kind of fueled my ED bc my logic has been that I can't have a female fat distribution if I don't have any body fat.

anyway, if any of you don't know what bears in the gay community look like, [here](https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu0rkgAudN1r1gjr3o1_500.jpg) (slightly nsfw, just in case) is a pretty good example of the stereotype. and it's just occurred to me that oh my god, I can *be that.* I'll be starting T before the end of this year if everything pans out, and *that's an option for me.* I'm pretty heavy already and do plan on losing some weight/starting weight training bc I have the upper body strength of a sad noodle, but like....I can be chubby *and* muscular *and* masculine and not have to be emaciated to stop hating myself so much. I can be chubby *and* attractive. that's a thing. I'm about to cry in class because this makes me so happy, I know that's so lame but I don't care omg

I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready for recovery, but at least it's something in the meantime to help calm me down. fuck, I'm so happy about this.

[Rant/Rave] in recovery. my boyfriend said my legs were "flabby" last night and im freaking out.
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 110 | BMI: 17.2 | GW: 108? | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 08:58:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862q6t/in_recovery_my_boyfriend_said_my_legs_were_flabby/
Ive been doing pretty good in recovery for 7 months, eating basically whatever i want and only having like 1 breakdown a week instead of every day😂

a while ago I went to a parade and walked forEVER and because im skinnyfat and weak im still sore as fuck four days later. Ive been having my boyfriend massage my sore ass legs like every day. last night he was massaging them cuz he is sweet and i was complaining about still being sore and he goes "well I know why they are sore but i shouldnt say it" and im like no tell me (assuming he is going to say because you never exercise, which is true and I wouldn't be offended) but he goes"your legs are sore cuz they're all flabby"

I just said "oh wow I didn't think thats what you were going to say.." and then proceeded to have a huge freakout crying about it. he knew he fucked up and i know he is super sorry. and prolly annoyed of my crazy ass. Ive been being a jerk and keep asking him like "how flabby am i though??" "do i need to build muscle i guess? or diet a little?" he just isnt responding to those questions which is good cuz my mind will warp whatever he says anyways.

But i cant get that word flabby out of my head now its all ive been thinking of since. I don't think i can let him touch my legs again or wear shorts or anything until I fix this. I thought they were flabby...but I was hoping it was body dysmorphia and nobody else could tell 😓 He didnt want to cause a freakout or relapse, but I know he is right, im not an idiot! ive gained atleast 10 pounds in recovery but I think more like 15-20. (got rid of my scale yay...also my stats up top are not accurate!) and i really feel like its all gone to my thighs. and I do get sore easy and never exercise. and i miss the focus and accomplishment i felt when losing weight. maybe trying to get 'toned' and counting my protein intake instead of calories will give me something to focus on and make me not jiggly flabby and give me a healthy proud relationship with my body!! maybe hearing im flabby was just the thing i needed to be healthy...

or maybe ill go way overboard with it like I did with losing weight and lose all my other hobbies and be one missed workout away from a mental breakdown!

But I know I can't restrict. My parents will throw me in the mental hospital like a fuckin...I cant think of a joke. But they put my sister in there when she was self harming and I know they are serious..

hope you guys are having a good week and im so thankful I can rant here!!

[Help] I’m panicked at the thought of eating with other people.
/u/lost-in-limbo1990 [5’8” | 27F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 08:45:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862mhw/im_panicked_at_the_thought_of_eating_with_other/
Sorry for the rant, but I need suggestions... I work out of my home as an insurance adjuster. This ensures that I have the final say so I’m what I eat throughout the day (basically, I don’t eat) until I have dinner with my wife (which is super low calorie). Today I have to drive up to our headquarters for a meeting with all of our agents in the region, and there will be a reception cocktail hour afterwards. I don’t want to stick out by not eating, but I’m also panicking about eating since I won’t have control over what there is to eat. From what I remember from the last meeting, they had cocktail shrimp as one of the buffet options. This is low calorie, so I may be able to do that. Otherwise, I’m just worried about the post-meal anxiety. I am working hard to not abuse laxatives or diuretics anymore, so I can’t squash that anxiety.

What do you guys do in social eating situations, especially with colleagues? Any recommendations to keep the anxiety at bay?

Safe to say Meredith foster is suffering from an ED and I'm pretty shaken up about it
/u/xwer15 [5'5| 127 | -32|GW:105| F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 08:24:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862ggj/safe_to_say_meredith_foster_is_suffering_from_an/

[Discussion] DAE track what people around you eat?
Created: Wed Mar 21 08:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862dg1/dae_track_what_people_around_you_eat/
There’s this one woman at work that eats a hard boiled egg with avo for breakfast and salad for lunch every day without fail. Pisses me tf off

[Other] Restriction feels so good
/u/lollemons [5'6 | CW 108.2 | 17.53 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 07:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86257l/restriction_feels_so_good/
i love the way my stomach twists and turns in hunger but eventually gives up and remains silent.
i love seeing stars just from standing up.
i love feeling like i have so much power over my choices.
i love when people notice how little i eat.
i love being called small.
i love feeling tired and faint.
i love seeing the number on the scale go down little by little.
this all means i’m doing it right

[Other] i stayed under 1200 for the first time in two weeks yesterday!
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2''|21F|GW:108|CW: manatee]
Created: Wed Mar 21 07:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/862452/i_stayed_under_1200_for_the_first_time_in_two/
I actually didn't binge yesterday and it felt sooooo good. All I've had today is bulletproof coffee and I'm going to see if I can make it to dinner without eating anything! I do have work though, so an almond milk latte might be in order to get me my calcium and vitamins lol.

Been without my meds for several days now...
/u/SnowLeopardSnuggles [5'1" | 28F | 119.2lbs | BMI 23.52 | -21lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 21 07:29:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8622at/been_without_my_meds_for_several_days_now/
Just need a place to vent. No quality content here!

So I take buproprion on the daily to supplement my mood stabilizer. A beautiful side effect of it is appetite suppression. Unfortunately, last week when I went to the pharmacy for a refill, I was informed that my insurance now requires me to get it through mail-order.

... and of course, this was at the end of the day Friday, so I couldn't call my insurance company until after the weekend.

So now I've been off of it for several days and not only am I exhausted all the time, but I literally CANNOT stop eating. It's like my self control has gone out the window and a different person is inhabiting my body. I start eating something and only after I've eaten it do I remember, "Oh yeah, I'm a fat piece of shit and shouldn't be eating this." I absolutely hate myself and how little I can control myself when it comes to food. I've gained ten pounds over the winter, and I was SO CLOSE to my goal weight last year. I'm at work right now and just downed a huge handful of cheetohs and want to cry. Like, WHY?!

[Help] Undiagnosed ED
Created: Wed Mar 21 07:00:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/861vfp/undiagnosed_ed/
Some back story is that I’ve been over weight since middle school and when I was a senior in Highschool I finally got tired of being the fat kid so I went vegan and pretended it was for the animals but it was really so I wouldn’t have options to eat at school. I never ate breakfast or lunch and I always walked home after school and that was how I started losing weight. But if I did eat too much I would purge and that was from pro ana blogs that I got that idea.

Freshman year of college I would work out every week day (the only days the gym was open) and only eat salad and pasta for every meal even though I cheated a bit every once an a while but would purge if I felt guilty about it. But this was the time I feel like I did the best for myself and feel like I looked the best.

Sophomore year I went to gym less and sometimes not at all and I took up smoking weed so I would eat more often and I started to gain but not that much that I hated myself.

Junior year (now) My roommate is fat and she would go to the caf breakfast lunch and dinner if I didn’t nip it in the bud. But whenever we go to either of the 3 I always fill my plate up and eat all of it. Plus I got a boyfriend and I guess you can call this happy weight because I feel comfortable enough around him to not care how flabby my stomach is and this isn’t body dysmorphia, I literally have what resembles sausage on my stomach and a bit on my back. (Mostly because I had meningitis in my belly button when I was a baby and my belly button area basically healed on my stomach which also makes me self conscious). But anyway, I hate myself when I look in the mirror and see how much I’ve reversed my progress.

After I realised I gained 20 pounds and am basically back to where I started freshman year and having trouble stopping myself from eating snacks and other unhealthy foods even though I feel guilty about it and purge every so often. Is there some tips you guys have to get me to stop? I try peppermint gum which helps until the flavour goes out and I’m going to try popping a rubber band on my wrist which I haven’t done since freshman year.

TLDR: undiagnosed ed but I feel like I have one and can’t stop myself from binging and purging instead of starving myself. Things you do instead of giving into the temptation? Thanks.

[Discussion] March 21st, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 06:51:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/861the/march_21st_2018_question_of_the_day/
What was the first thing you ate today?

Vitamin gummies 😂 but then high fiber V8

[Intro] I'm back and in a weird situation.
/u/_what_the_truck [Height 5'4 | CW 127 | LW: 103 | GW: 110 | Gender F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 06:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/861q09/im_back_and_in_a_weird_situation/
I love this community and was deep into it in an alt account when I was at my lowest point of ED in university. I don't want to go back there again, I was taking appetite suppressants that gave me migraines and lost my period and was obsessive about food.

I recovered pretty well and over the last year worked a real adult sedentary office job and smoked weed every night and binged. I went from 115 to 130 in less than a year.

Now I'm living in a foreign country for work and my situation is pretty weird. I'm very stressed about living in a language that's not my mother tongue and a little homesick and depressed, and my ED is coming back in a real way. I wanted to lose weight here anyway, and it's one thing I can control in an environment that I am a complete novice in/don't understand.

I also am not smoking weed so I've managed to restrict well and fasted for 36 hours when I was feeling my worst. It was miserable but I can't help thinking that at least if I'm going to be depressed, I might as well get thinner?

I'm moving in with a roomate soon who is a fun young person and a stoner, who took me to a party and hangout where we smoked. Both times I went back to my temporary houseing and binged on whatever was in the minifridge. Weed takes away my self control.

I feel like an idiot because my life goals here--have a fun social life, hangout with my cool new roomate, relax and have fun--are at odds with my ED goals--isolate myself and don't eat, read instead of socializing. To make matters more confusing, my work here is self paced/I have no set schedule, there is very little calorie info on foods (although I am good at estimating in my head, and I'm happy to overestimate everything) and I don't have access to a scale.

I guess the point of this post is just to reintroduce myself. You all bring me comfort when my world is topsy turvy and it sure as hell is right now.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 21, 2018
Created: Wed Mar 21 06:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/861koy/daily_food_diary_march_21_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 21, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 21, 2018
Created: Wed Mar 21 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/861kdd/way_to_go_wednesday_march_21_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for March 21, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Rant/Rave] Wish I had the ability to purge
Created: Wed Mar 21 05:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/861990/wish_i_had_the_ability_to_purge/
I’m suffering from Binge Eating Disorder and for the past few weeks I’ve been out of control. I wish I could purge, but every time I try to make myself vomit I just end up failing, or at best dry heaving. Not being able to purge really makes me upset.. I hate having to absorb all these calories and put on the weight. I just want to get rid of all this crap I put in my body.

At this point I just want to die. My ED has pushed me to the point where I feel suicidal every day. :(

[Rant/Rave] I haven’t eaten in 4 days.
Created: Wed Mar 21 04:58:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8616vx/i_havent_eaten_in_4_days/

[Rant/Rave] Eating out
Created: Wed Mar 21 03:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/860ve3/eating_out/
Bargh, so I had to eat out with my friends tonight and I’d been studying the menu for a few days and tried to figure out the safest thing to eat. I have no idea how to count the calories I just consumed and I’m just sitting at home trying to crunch numbers and how much I may have screwed up and how to make up for it tomorrow. I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for as a response to this, I just don’t have anyone else to vent to.

[Other] I was shocked that someone post about EDs like this, but turns out it’s just about drugs...
Created: Wed Mar 21 03:41:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/860tfw/i_was_shocked_that_someone_post_about_eds_like/

[Discussion] What is your phone/desktop/whatever background?
Created: Wed Mar 21 03:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/860o8f/what_is_your_phonedesktopwhatever_background/
I really need something good to keep me on track when I look at it

[Rant/Rave] Shirt I had as a kid fits great
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | ~118 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 02:24:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/860hqi/shirt_i_had_as_a_kid_fits_great/
So, I just tried on a shirt I haven't worn since I was probably ~7. Fits great, basically just as well as when I was a kid. I tried it on in high school and even middle school and it didn't fit well, a little snug but now (19) it fits perfect again.

[Discussion] Has anyone ever been in a psychiatric ward because of severe anorexia?
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/86043i/has_anyone_ever_been_in_a_psychiatric_ward/
Hi! I’ve been working on a project about ritual and been wondering if anyone has ever been in a psychiatric ward and what kind of ritual you developed there, since waking up until you go to sleep, the first thing you do in the morning, everything, this being since me, an anorexic for over 7 years has never been in a psychiatric ward and would like to know how your ritual changes from that of a “normal” person. This is for an art project as I am an art student from Mexico, so sorry for the lack of a better explanation, if anyone who has been in one could contact me via message thru Reddit I would really appreciate it and we could discuss the project further, this would also be anonymous, but would love to get to know you and your experience there. Thanks in advance you beautiful ladies <3

[Discussion] I have one specific girl that haunts me and i constantly compare myself to, DAE?
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"1 | 111 lb | -18 lb | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8602q1/i_have_one_specific_girl_that_haunts_me_and_i/
Could be celebrity, online personality or whatever ..
For mine, Her bmi is 17, shes just a regular pretty person and she has no eating disorder as I'm aware (I am weeping with jealousy) she's also EXTREMELY photogenic and it drives me insane
I just actually feel like the most absolute disgusting trash when I compare myself to her which on the bright side, kills my appetite.

Anyway on mobile so this is rant/rave
Goodnight people

[Rant/Rave] Not having enough self-control to restrict is making me suicidal
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8600xy/not_having_enough_selfcontrol_to_restrict_is/
I used to be able to restrict so easily, for months i would eat <500 cal/day, then it was <1000 cal/day and i lost so much weight, i was below 90lbs (a literal dream come true) but now i literally can't control myself around food. I've made a couple posts about this asking for help before and nothing has worked so far, everything i put in my mouth makes me binge, doesn't matter if it's a cookie or some canteloup, I'm suddenly eating everythinf around me. I'm not even hungry, I feel sick, but i just keep eating and I'm so upset. It's not just my stomach thats hurting anymore, everytime i eat my chest physically hurts from the shame and guilt and I hate myself so much for having no self control and I hate how I'm going to either be fat for the rest of my life or be starving for the rest of my life. I want to stay hungry but everytime I get even the slightest thought of food I pig out. I want to die so bad, I don't know what happened to me for me to lose control so badly but I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Discussion] What's your current waist size and goal?
/u/taeyeons-comrade [5'5" | 118 | 19.6 | F ☕]
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zzpn/whats_your_current_waist_size_and_goal/
Im obsessed with having a tiny waist but at the same time i get frustrated when my hips shrink too.. I just want wide hips and a small waist ffs

[Rant/Rave] Whoosh!!! 🍃
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:20:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zyn6/whoosh/
I am so fucking happy guys.

After plateauing for months and even eating 1400 calories for a week to try to break the stupid plateau, I stepped on the scale today after having contracted stomach flu.

I ate pasta yesterday night so I was expecting a huge spike.

Guys. -2 kilos. Overnight. I dropped 2 kilos overnight. I am so happy guys.

I celebrated by eating pizza for breakfast lol but I only had one very tiny slice and stopped myself from eating the other slice even though it was the last one!!!

[Rant/Rave] Need new start ... Again [Rant]
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:13:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zxkb/need_new_start_again_rant/
I was on a massive stress binge because midterms were coming up, and I didn't want to have to think about calories, etc... all the time. I was eating probably ~2000 cal in sweets alone in addition to meals.

Now that midterms are finally underway, I'm somehow less stressed and decided today was going to be the day to start a healthier eating style.... I had yogurt for breakfast, some really tasty and moderate amount of what my dining hall had to offer, and fruits/tea for dinner. Good right? Yup! Until my RA walked into the study lounge with donut holes. I can't stop eating them, I'm on my 7th one now. They don't even taste good, there's too much sugar, but for the second I bite into it I'm happy-ish.

It's okay, tomorrow I'll try again.

[Other] You fat f***er !
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'2" |CW:121lbs | GW:115lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 21 00:04:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zvu7/you_fat_fer/

[Rant/Rave] calculated my BMI...
/u/LynnieTheLemon [4'11" | CW: 118 | BMI: 25.31 | WL: -2 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 23:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zu45/calculated_my_bmi/
So these are my results.

Your standard BMI is 23.83 a reading which classifies you as

Your new BMI is 25.31 a reading which classifies you as

Your new BMI healthy range is 86.25lbs to 116.6lbs

I feel so fucking fat even tho I'm just over 116.6 by approx. 1.4 pounds. I feel so fucking fat and ugly! Ugh!!!! if there was never a time to restrict it would be now! I totally hate myself but I am also pretty happy b/c I took a 4 hour walk to burn off the 2 poptarts I had for today. I feel so sore from the exercise but I also want to do more so I can drop down to 87.7lbs which is what I weighed in middle school. This sounds so dramatic and stupid but does anyone else get really fucking upset over their BMI?

[Discussion] Does anyone else have a really hard time sleeping when they’re hungry?
Created: Tue Mar 20 23:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zog9/does_anyone_else_have_a_really_hard_time_sleeping/

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] I’m jealous of people who don’t eat when they’re depressed.
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: 155 | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 23:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zm49/rantrave_im_jealous_of_people_who_dont_eat_when/
I know that’s fucked up. But I gain so much weight when I’m depressed because I can’t stop eating. It becomes my only comfort. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] Rant about a shitty dietician and request for advice on how to maximise nutrients
/u/Cheskaz [5'8 | CW 135lbs | GW 110lbs | F 23 AUS | 🍑Cheskaz]
Created: Tue Mar 20 22:56:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zkg9/rant_about_a_shitty_dietician_and_request_for/
Went to a dietitian because my psychologist asked me to. Psychologist knows I'm not ready for recovery and had already spoken to the dietitian about how I was just there to get some advice on how to minimise damage while sticking to my 600 calorie limit. So, in a turn of events that will surprise no one, the dietitian ignored this, gave her best impression of a condescending asshole, stuffing people not ready to recovery through her ED shaped recovery hole. No Julie, I don't think switching to a 2000 calorie diet, not weighing myself, and reducing my calorie counting is really all that realistic. Also apparently different sizes don't exist because she scoffed at the idea of my TDEE being 1500 because the average woman should consume 2000 calories.

With that out of the way, any tips for how to minimise the damage restriction does? Ways to maximise nutrients while minimising calories?


[Help] Up eight pounds?!?!
/u/fernsandfoxes [5’6” | CW:120 | BMI:19.45 | GW:110 | 18F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 22:38:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zh4u/up_eight_pounds/
I came home for spring break this last weekend and since then all I’ve been doing is binging and purging. When I stepped on the scale today it said I was up eight pounds, is it possible to gain this much in a few days? I was eating a lot but I was purging most of it. I am so disgusted with myself.

[Help] Sorry I’ve posted a lot here lately I just need answers
Created: Tue Mar 20 22:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85zesg/sorry_ive_posted_a_lot_here_lately_i_just_need/

[Help] EC stacks with or without food? And what about taking them alongside SSRI’s (such as Lexapro/Escitalopram)?
Created: Tue Mar 20 21:58:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85z99o/ec_stacks_with_or_without_food_and_what_about/
Hey everyone, title speaks for itself but.

Should you take EC stacks specifically on an empty stomach or not?

I did my first one today on an empty stomach and ended up feeling extremely uncomfortable the majority of the day.

I’m considering taking it tomorrow morning immediately after I finish breakfast but I’m concerned it’ll negate the appetite suppressant affects. Any advice?

And how about it’s interaction with SSRI’s? Specifically Lexapro or Escitalopram? Do any of you take these and also do EC stacks?

[Rant/Rave] Social events around eating = my worst nightmare
/u/FreshOpportunity [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 21:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85z53h/social_events_around_eating_my_worst_nightmare/
So I have social anxiety and (of course) issues with food. Tomorrow, my major's student society at my school is having a lunchtime workshop and they have a bunch of cool sponsors and I want to make more friends in my major buuuutt it's all so stressful?? Like I have no friends in the first place so it's intimidating to go in and talk to a bunch of new people (although I do sorta know one person going) and then they're also serving food so?? Do I go and continue restricting and get comments about why I'm not eating or do I eat but then probably binge and go way overboard all day? Or, do I pick the path I always take, and avoid this by skipping the event entirely?
I just hate that I turn such tiny things into massive internal battles with myself.

[Other] Sometimes I’d wish you would notice (unsent letter that I feel belongs here)
Created: Tue Mar 20 21:29:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85z36x/sometimes_id_wish_you_would_notice_unsent_letter/

[Rant/Rave] I'm always cold
/u/nycthrowaway51 [5' 3" | CW: Too high | GW: 89]
Created: Tue Mar 20 21:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85z086/im_always_cold/
It doesn't matter whether I'm outside or inside, or wearing a coat; I always feel cold. I know it's pretty selfish and that most other people feel fine, but I sometimes wish they'd turn up the heat at my school. Also, where I'm living, the temperatures have barely risen from February temps. It's the middle of March and we're actually supposed to get 3-5 inches of snow tomorrow. At least if it was warmer outside, I'd be able to feel comfortable walking out of school at the end of the day. Honestly, the highlight of my day these days is getting home and turning on my space heater. Also, I know I haven't posted here in a while but I just really had to rant about the cold lol

[Goal] Going on a 14-day water fast tomorrow. This will serve as an accountability thread I guess.
Created: Tue Mar 20 21:09:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yyyj/going_on_a_14day_water_fast_tomorrow_this_will/

Created: Tue Mar 20 20:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yvte/help_water_weight/

[Rant/Rave] silly rant about mouth pain and not being able to purge
/u/milkeyedmenders [5'5 | CW 109 | BMI 18.35 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 20:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yveu/silly_rant_about_mouth_pain_and_not_being_able_to/
the worst feeling is not realizing your plan to puke isn’t gonna work out until after you’ve already done the binging lol

when i put my fingers in my throat i got this strange tingly/burning sensation throughout the entirety of my mouth that just wasn’t going away.. really painful and hard to describe, not like a soreness or any oral pain i’ve had before. weird taste too. this has happened the last two nights and the only conclusion i can come to with the help of google is that its probably a vitamin deficiency thing or something..either way, stomach acid won’t help and my body’s not allowing me to power through it anyway so i’m just sitting around thinking about all of the calories inside of me rn. this foray back into daily purging sure was fun, but looks like i’m gonna have to start restricting again if i want to stop gaining weight and hating myself :/

[Rant/Rave] I was diagnosed with bulimia today.
/u/ZoeyTheAlien [5'7 | CW: 144 | BMI: 22 | GW: 110 | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 20:51:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yut1/i_was_diagnosed_with_bulimia_today/
This is probably one of the worst days ever. Ive been throwing up purposely since middle school. I stopped for at least a year or two then it's slowly coming back and now its any everyday thing. I just don't know how to processes this. I feel like I can somehow help myself but my psychologist wants be to go to see a specialist in eating disorders. My biggest fear is that they'll make me stop losing the weight and I won't make it to 110 or at least 120 by summer. Another fear is that ill make it to 120 or less and they'll hospitalize me or something like that. I can tell that my family is suffering when they see my walk to the trash or bathroom and throw up everything I just ate. I feel like I cant control it. Ive been losing a pound almost everyday now. I guess I do need the help...

[Discussion] For those who smoke, what weed strains have you found that don't heighten your appetite?
/u/palespirit [5'3" | CW: 105 lbs | GW: 95 lbs]
Created: Tue Mar 20 20:11:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ylp4/for_those_who_smoke_what_weed_strains_have_you/
I smoke pretty regularly to help with anxiety/depression, but I swear 99.99999% of strains make me binge ... (Open to all suggestions, but I will say that I lean toward hybrids and indicas because sativas tend to make me even more anxious.)

[Goal] Flu and restriction
/u/borrellia [5'11|CW:143|GW:115|21F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 20:06:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yknq/flu_and_restriction/
So, I've been sick with the flu for the past three days and it's completely torn away my appetite -- I had a fever of 103 and didn't even want to look at food, and because of my intensely sore throat even swallowing water was painful. As a result, my stomach is extremely flat, I feel light and taut, and I've lost 7 lbs!!! I know that it's probably all water weight, but it still feels so awesome to know that I haven't eaten anything in three days and I'm totally fine. Here's to hoping I can turn this sickness into something positive :)

[Rant/Rave] I'm disgusted by purging but I can't seem to stop
/u/lbredj [5'3" | 104 | BMI 18.1 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:54:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yhxl/im_disgusted_by_purging_but_i_cant_seem_to_stop/
I'm so tired of the sore throats, the puffy face, feeling like complete shit. But even though I feel so gross and I KNOW it's ruining my body, I just? Can't seem to stop doing it.

Like at this point I've done it so much that I don't really get a "high" anymore. I guess it's become an actual problem or addiction or whatever, but to me, it feels like nothing is wrong. I do it because I LOVE the feeling I get afterward. There's something about feeling so tired and exhausted that I like so much.

Idk what i'm trying to say rn, but thanks for reading this mess lol.

[Rant/Rave] Ugh I hate myself currently 145 and goal weight is 95
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yhwc/ugh_i_hate_myself_currently_145_and_goal_weight/
I’ve always been obsessed with my weight and what I eat to a degree but it usually only lasts a day or two because I can’t stick with it I binge then feel awful about myself and want to just give up and eat garbage I get more depressed as a result and care so much but just eat whatever and stop working out completely then I kick it off again for a bit but it never lasts and I never actually get smaller I just need help I binged really bad today and feel so sick but I ate all my favorite stuff because I promised myself tomorrow was a new day and I was gonna commit to it and loose the damn weight and finally be happy now I just got to figure out what (little bit) to eat and try to do 500 cals or less and work out an hour or run a few miles!!!

[Discussion] I’ve been (accidentally) eating a lot more recently and it’s bumming me out
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:24:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85yatd/ive_been_accidentally_eating_a_lot_more_recently/
So, st Patrick’s Day weekend I actually forced myself to not count calories and (mostly) ate normally. I had a great time!! I did purge one night after dinner, but no one noticed. I ended up gaining 2.5 lbs but it’s gone almost back down since then. Not a huge deal but...

I feel like I’m losing control. I used to happily eat 500-800 cal every day with no problems and I was doing great. Losing like a champ, but not starving myself, and on my way to my gw. But the past few days I feel like I’m sliding back into binging territory and I AM FREAKING OUT. Like I’ve had 900 cals two days in a row (which I realize is still restricting) but I didn’t PLAN to eat that much. I wanted to stick to 500 both days and I couldn’t do it. And I can’t even purge cause my bf is home. But honestly it’s the loss of control that’s freaking me out so much.

I had finally gotten to a place where I could look at snacks and NOT WANT THEM while still allowing myself to eat enough to feel healthy. I don’t know what to do now :( I am terrified to go back to binging all the time and gaining back what I’ve lost these past few months. Has this happened to anyone else?? Help!!

[Rant/Rave] Why have I never owned a food scale before?!
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 171.4 | 30.00 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:19:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85y9pm/why_have_i_never_owned_a_food_scale_before/
So my new food scale arrived last night and I can't believe I've gone this long without owning one. I always question the calorie content of foods. I don't get SUPER stressed over it, but unless something is prepackaged I worry. I absolutely DESPISE trying to guess if a banana is "large" or "medium" or how many ounces a piece of meat is.

WELL NOT ANYMORE because I can measure things precisely in grams now!!! I had a little omelette for dinner and I measured the cheese and butter and onion EXACTLY and it was so comforting. I'm just really pumped and wanted to share.

[This is the scale I purchased](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01JTDG084/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) if anyone wants to check it out. It was only $10 and it has grams, ounces, fluid ounces, etc. I really hope this helps me keep my streak of low calorie days going as long as possible. Hope you all are having a good day <3

[Discussion] Has anyone here been on Bupropion?
/u/MymlanOhlin [5'5" | CW: 131 lbs | 22 | WL: 31 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:17:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85y94f/has_anyone_here_been_on_bupropion/
I actually got pissed off at my last meeting with my counselors, and demanded help and to talk about the things I feel are relevant. I feel like they did take me seriously this time, if only a little bit.

For what I believe are my main issues (extreme fatigue, binge eating, and lack of ability to focus), they brought up the medication Bupropion as a future possibility. I'm just wondering if any of you guys have any experience with this drug? My eyes glimmer with hope at the fact that loss of apetite is a fairly common side effect according to the research I've made.

I'm currently on Fluoxetine and my depression and panic anxiety is stable with it, but I feel like I need to solve these other issues as well and Bupropion might help. Thoughts?

how to stop eating when I'm home alone?
/u/patriotsfan4life [5'2 | CW: 100 | GW: 70 | 14F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:11:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85y7wj/how_to_stop_eating_when_im_home_alone/
There are lots of times that I get to be home alone (or with my dog), and for some reason my brain just goes "ok time to eat!" I think it's because I don't want my family to see me eat and think I'm fat, so I try to eat then and not when they're home. I wouldn't say it's a binge but it may develop into one soon. Please help. Any tips would be appreciated, thank you.

[Other] broke up with my boyfriend, time to stop eating
/u/dyingtobepretty [5ft|94lbs|GW: 85lbs|F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 19:03:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85y5r6/broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_time_to_stop_eating/
summers coming, and i’m gonna be single for the first time in a long time. i was eating normally for a while but i just hate it. i hate feeling bloated every day, i hate how my brain feels when i’m eating. i’ve been wanting to go back to restricting for a while now anyway. but now i’ve got some motivation. in the past, i’ve always been my best most confident self when it’s hot out, i’m single, and i’m skinny&/actively restricting.

i’m about to cry over my ex and eat some ice cream as a “goodbye” to food for now (or at least food that tastes good). any suggestions on what i should get? :)

[Discussion] I'm at a point where food no longer brings me even brief happiness.
Created: Tue Mar 20 18:17:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85xuil/im_at_a_point_where_food_no_longer_brings_me_even/
Well, this sucks even more than before.
I've always had a sort binge/restrict cycle, but lately I've lost a lot of interest in food. Was restricting <400 easily. But even then, I could binge and get that brief satisfaction that always drove me to doing so.
But I binged the other day, and it was just nothing. No satisfaction, just discomfort and shame. So I tried binging again. And again and again. It's been 5 days, and nothing's really made me happy. I'm not even hungry. I don't want this garbage. I'm just desperately draining my money in the hopes that there's still something to fall back on for happiness. I've tried pretty much all my guilty pleasure foods. And it's just a fucking chore. And I feel so sick. Like nauseous all day. I'm done with this. I find this so much worse than before. I feel like there's nothing in my day worth looking forward to.
Welp, back to restriction I guess. Honestly, I can't wait for that wonderful feeling of just being totally empty. Maybe that can be my new satisfaction? Wow, haha, what a sick statement.

[Tip] TIL donating blood uses around 650 calories :O
/u/Onthedownlowplz [5'8|54kg|M]
Created: Tue Mar 20 17:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85xn2d/til_donating_blood_uses_around_650_calories_o/

[Rant/Rave] Any advice
/u/Sb22312 [170 cm| 134 | 21.05|-16lb]
Created: Tue Mar 20 17:45:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85xmbq/any_advice/
I'm supposed to be going out for a flat meal to nandos, I'm stressing the fuck out like I'm in two minds should I order chicken breast , salad and grilled veg which would come to around 500 so I could conceivably work it into my daily intake . But then I really like the veggie burgers and part of me wants the veggie burger , chips and garlic bread which would come to around 1100 . Which is obviously a lot higher ... but I worry if I go for the healthier option it sets me up for a binge later on

I'm planning to go for a run in the morning, skip breakfast and lunch and go to the gym and part of me hates that my ED makes me feel like I have to do that but then I want to have like just a really nice meal .
I feel like they'll think it's weird if I don't order chicken as the whole point is getting chicken

. 1 of my flatmates knows about my ED the others think I'm just really healthy(I think one suspects bc she's a girl and a med student) one of them was like well you don't eat takeaways . And it's like bc I don't allow myself too but I crave junk food and always stress to much to buy it . I'm worried that they'll comment if I do get chips and garlic bread because I don't eat potatoes or bread normally I'm just really stressed and I don't know what to do . The 1 flatmate who knows about my ED says I can bail if I want to and that's really appealing but I know I'll feel worse if I do .

[Discussion] I HATE the binge-restrict cycle!
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Tue Mar 20 17:28:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85xhss/i_hate_the_bingerestrict_cycle/
I'll be doing fine, lose 10lbs in less than a week, my man period will come and I'll eat mashed potatoes with half a cup of vegan butter in it, with that fucking lady from secret eaters in my head saying "This... is Maxwell. Here he is dipping into a sneaky 600 calorie snack," and gain back 8lbs in like 3 days so I may as fucking well had just properly dieted, whatever that means


[Help] What are quiet calorie burning exercises I can do?
Created: Tue Mar 20 17:16:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85xeg4/what_are_quiet_calorie_burning_exercises_i_can_do/
I feel like I can’t sleep peacefully anymore without feeling like I’ve done a satisfactory amount working out but my room is right above my dads the walls are paper thin, so no jumping jacks or anything like that. I usually do squats but it’s just not cutting it anymore.

[Rant/Rave] but I'm recovering from a restrictive ED so it's okay...
Created: Tue Mar 20 17:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85xe55/but_im_recovering_from_a_restrictive_ed_so_its/
I got up early today, smoked weed, and got burger king breakfast from the drive thru. I never smoke weed before my job with extremely aggressive teenage clients, I haven't had fast food breakfast in years, if ever honestly. And I have never gone through a drive thru in the morning, ever. But i'm recovering so it's okay. I then took the food to an empty parking lot far from work and shoved it into my mouth quickly and secretly. But i'm recovering so it's okay.

After work, i drove to chikfila in a snow storm because the mcdonalds was 27 minutes away. I never drive more than i have to in snow storms. I never eat fast food at 3pm or ever really. I never eat fast food twice in one day, wtf? I hate fast food. It's against everything I believe in as a person. I drove to an empty lot and shoved it into my mouth in silence. But its okay because i'm recovering.

I also bought $50 worth of unhealthy junkfood last night at the grocery store. But its okay because I'm recovering.

Do i have acid reflux because I'm recovering and I'm eating more foods? Or do I have acid reflex because I'm bingeing on complete shit.

Is this normal in recovery? Or am I using recovery as a front to engage in more and different disordered behaviors?

I feel terrible. I don't feel recovered. I feel out of control.

[Other] This is why I binge
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Tue Mar 20 16:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85x8k4/this_is_why_i_binge/

[Help] A girl at work almost makes me want to relapse
/u/ImAlsoAlwaysWorried [4'11" | 110 | 23.59 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 16:52:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85x7zr/a_girl_at_work_almost_makes_me_want_to_relapse/
Hi everyone. I've been in recovery from anorexia for almost two years and this girl at my work makes me want to give it all up. I'll start off by saying I"m shy. Like really shy. I rarely have anything to say that I think is important enough to say out loud so I just don't say it. The girl I work with, I'll call her R, doesn't say much to me either. But today we had a new girl, E, and R was all about talking to her she started conversations with her, asked her questions, and never gave one-word answers (which is how she talks to me). I tried talking to her twice and both times she ignored me. At the time, I felt like such an outsider and like no one wanted anything to do with me. Which brings me to wanting to relapse. As I was driving home, my little ED brain was going "Hey, you know what will solve this? Not eating for the rest of the day!" And I feel like I want to go along with it.

I just don't know what to do

I'm sorry if this was a jumble of words or a mess to read. I'm feeling really emotional and this was like a "stream of conscious" type thing.
I just wanted to vent/get advice if you have any. Thanks for reading. <3

[Discussion] Does anyone else still count calories when they binge?
Created: Tue Mar 20 16:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wxug/does_anyone_else_still_count_calories_when_they/
Today's one of those days.. Total ended up being 3052. The guilt is here to stay for a few days.

[Help] When life gets out of control, I relapse. Life is out of control.
/u/build-the-house [5'6" | 130 | -50]
Created: Tue Mar 20 16:15:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wxee/when_life_gets_out_of_control_i_relapse_life_is/
I got bad news today (kid needs surgery) after a bad day (over my head at new job) after a horrible yesterday (constant kid attitude and fights w/ husband that make me want to leave).

All I can think about is weight and food and restricting bc that is the easiest way to control anything—even though it won’t actually give me any control over the actual bad.

Venting mostly bc I want to stay in recovery and in this healthy weight, but I fucking know me. I dunno.

[Discussion] Noticing other people’s disordered eating habits or over analyzing?
/u/alexxxxis [5'9 | CW:129 | BMI: 19.2 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 16:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wv23/noticing_other_peoples_disordered_eating_habits/
Ever since I’ve had an eating disorder I pay close attention to other people’s eating patterns because I need to make sure they’re eating more/faster/unhealthier than me. Lately I’ve noticed one of my friends does a lot of the same stuff that I do; denying food when offered, offering other people his food, saying he’s really picky, saying he’s cutting out certain things, saying he’s not hungry or has a stomachache, etc. etc.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if he has actually has an eating disorder. He doesn’t know I do and I don’t want to ask him in case he doesn’t. We’re pretty good friends but we never talk about stuff like this. I’m worried about him but I don’t know what I can do or if he even has a problem. What can I say or do to find out if he does have an eating disorder without explicitly asking him?

[Rant/Rave] A panic attack ended my b/p cycle
Created: Tue Mar 20 15:38:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wmtm/a_panic_attack_ended_my_bp_cycle/
Things have really been piling up. My work sucks, I have no friends. My brother has been super triggering, saying stress is killing his appetite and he barely eats anymore, etc. I’ve been b/p’ing at least 2x a day for weeks. I’m not losing any weight, and I’m a puffy fat mess from it.

Last night, after a rumor was spread about me at work, I lost it. I had a horrible panic attack. I (TW) self harmed, cried, screamed...lost all control.

I woke up with a horrible headache, eyes swollen shut from crying...and absolutely no appetite. I even ate something, which usually starts a binge, and I had no desire to continue eating. I feel amazing. In control. I think it’s over. This horrible b/p cycle is broken.

Back to restricting I go 👍🏻

[Rant/Rave] I’m having the worst day.
Created: Tue Mar 20 15:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wk8b/im_having_the_worst_day/
Sorry for the rant but here’s what’s happened today so far:
School is getting rough
My boyfriend went to go hangout with a chick I don’t know (I’m all for having friends of the opposite sex but ugh just today of all days?? But he got stood up sooo 🤷🏼‍♀️)
The dance team captain told the coach that I WOULD BE THERE FOR TRYOUTS
I dropped my phone in the toilet, put it in a bag of rice to soak, checked on it, a piece of rice got stuck in the charging port. Thankfully I got it out and it now seems to be charging normally
The light in my room went out
And to top it off: I gained 2lbs from spring break last week.

Today can just fuck off, honestly :(

[Rant/Rave] can't trust drive thru soda
/u/illendmylife [116.5lbs | bmi: 16.9 | gw 100lbs | f]
Created: Tue Mar 20 15:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85whmp/cant_trust_drive_thru_soda/
i ask for diet coke and they give me regular coke / coke zero. i'm honestly not sure which they're giving me. i only take a small sip and then throw it away. i don't want to risk it. so annoying

edit: i always ask my brother to taste it but he asks why i care so much

[Other] DAE get extremely distressed when you spill food on your clothes?
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Tue Mar 20 15:05:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wduk/dae_get_extremely_distressed_when_you_spill_food/
Whenever I spill food on my clothes I literally get so disgusted with myself that I want to stop eating forever and I want to shred my goddamn skin and ugh

[Discussion] The highs and lows of my ED make me feel more alive
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 157 | GW 123 | -30 lbs | 24F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 14:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85wbbc/the_highs_and_lows_of_my_ed_make_me_feel_more/
I saw a therapist a few years ago and she had me do a mood chart. I was supposed to track my mood at various points throughout the day. At this point I was trying to eat normally and my mood was always on the low end. She said I “needed more joy in my life” and I told her I missed bingeing and restricting because I got joy from them. And then I stopped seeing her because I didn’t want to give up my stuff.

A few weeks ago I attempted recovery and my nutritionist and I were talking about “normal” eating. She said that a cookie probably tastes better when you only have a little bit, and that bingeing isn’t enjoyable, anyway. But I told her I enjoyed it. And the fact is, I do. There’s something so freeing about eating way more than I need to just because it tastes good. Idk. I just love restricting and later bingeing. Either way I enjoy it. It’s fucked up but I like it. I feel so much more anxious trying to eat normally. If I’m restricting, I know I’m losing weight, and if I’m bingeing, the food is yummy and comforting. Don’t get me wrong, this sucks and sometimes I really hate being so fucked up about food, but it’s still a weird thing that I enjoy sometimes. Without it my life feels empty and stressful.

[Rant/Rave] Ideas for non-self destructive behaviour
Created: Tue Mar 20 14:47:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85w8k0/ideas_for_nonself_destructive_behaviour/
Hi all
I'm back in the cycle of BP and work has been completely stressful. At the moment I am drinking to cope (more calories) and I'm soo tempted to start smoking again. I'm after ideas for non-destructive coping mechanisms. So many times I see things like "take a bath" or "go for a walk or run" but these things just make me more stressed I try to avoid looking at my body and running just results in having it fail to perform because of the current level of abuse. So guys. What do you do to de-stress?

[Discussion] DAE have their perfectionism from ED tendencies spill over into other parts of their life?
Created: Tue Mar 20 14:35:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85w4s1/dae_have_their_perfectionism_from_ed_tendencies/
Or I guess, my perfectionism feeds into my ED. Either way, I'm curious who else feels the same.

I'm constantly scheduling my day down to the hour and reading up on personal finance, journaling, career guidance, skincare, and anything else that could help me be the most perfect version of Me™. It would make more sense to me if I was this way before my ED, but I can only remember obsessing over this perfect version of myself after my disorder took hold.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

[Help] My friend stopped eating
Created: Tue Mar 20 14:24:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85w1dx/my_friend_stopped_eating/
She told me she's struggling with her eating, and I've noticed it for a while. I can't stop obsessing over it. I'm so fucking worried.
Every time I eat I feel inadequate. Every time I see her I feel unworthy. I'm so fucking stupid. I can't tell if I'm worried for her or jealous. I'm literally a disgusting piece of trash.

I just want her to feel better and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I can tell I'm starting to relapse again based on my thoughts. I'm so lost and upset, I don't know I don't know I don't know

[Rant/Rave] This is a completely generic, probably uninteresting post about me binging just now but GOD I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH AND NEED TO RANT.
Created: Tue Mar 20 14:14:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vyim/this_is_a_completely_generic_probably/
I'm in the middle of my exams and the past few weeks I've gained about 3 kilograms from just constant grazing. I gorge on carbs and sugary shite. I just ate a huge slice of chocolate cake and a massive swiss chocolate bar because my brain told me I deserved it because of exams. I just hate myself so much. Worst thing is that when I was 17 I lost so much weight and I was so happy.

I gained it all back after a year and it's been five years and I simply have accepted the fact that I will never be able to do it again. I cannot live without sugar. I am completely and utterly addicted to it. I gave up smoking last year and I even found my nicotine addiction easier to battle than my sugar addiction.

Fucking kill me.

[Discussion] DAE feel like they are "too old" for this?
Created: Tue Mar 20 14:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vuhn/dae_feel_like_they_are_too_old_for_this/
I'm not trying to discriminate or invalidate a disorder but I feel like I'm too old to be struggling still. I've been dealing with an ED on and off since I was 11 (I'm 21 now). I guess when I was younger I thought I would have out-grown the disorder. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm annoyed with myself and my disordered thoughts.

[Help] EC stacks and Lexapro/Escitalopram? Feeling really jittery but no appetite suppressant effects. Should I not be taking them?
Created: Tue Mar 20 13:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vtdb/ec_stacks_and_lexaproescitalopram_feeling_really/

[Help] How do you stay in track when you're sick?
Created: Tue Mar 20 13:47:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vqci/how_do_you_stay_in_track_when_youre_sick/

[Rant/Rave] New Motivator
/u/fourfoldcat [5'4 | 108 |18| GW:105 | -37 | 20F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 13:28:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vkzs/new_motivator/
Hey guys just wanted to share this great motivation technique I have for losing weight. It's super easy. Okay first have a really hot friend in your class that you flirt with back and forth pretty consistently. Then see them on tinder. Then swipe right because why not they won't know if they don't swipe. Turns out they do swipe right! Great! It happens while you're drunk! So drunkenly at the party go up and tell them you're glad you matched and to let you know when they wanna hang out. Get ignored all weekend. Walk into class and they don't make eye contact with you. This continues for days.

realize they probably jokingly swiped right. realize you've been rejected and you've messed up a friendship. Realize it probably was because you weren't hot enough.


[Tip] new diet coke flavours in the UK!
/u/WorstCunt [crunchy]
Created: Tue Mar 20 13:06:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85velv/new_diet_coke_flavours_in_the_uk/

The box says it’s 290 cal... how is that possible?
Created: Tue Mar 20 13:04:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vdvn/the_box_says_its_290_cal_how_is_that_possible/

[Help] Been a while, but WHY AM I BLIND?
Created: Tue Mar 20 13:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85vcph/been_a_while_but_why_am_i_blind/
haven't posted in a while.
good to be back, and see all your lovies again though.
I've been loosing consistantly...but trying to have some more control.
but now i have to get rid of ALL my pants. All of 'em.
My coworker said one day (after she made me a taco and it was a little over filled) "Well thats fine you need some meat on your bones <3" and my heart SOARED and i said "Oh thank you!" before i could stop myself.
and my boyfriend can't stop saying how hot I am.
I'm so hot, I'm a hot girl, he loves me, i'm gorgeous. and I just keep loosing, but loosing very slowly.
and sometimes now, I like what i see. I avoid scales, I go by feel now.
I eat once a day, and walk miles and miles.
all i can see is how thick my thighs are.
my calves are too fat (muscle happens???) my waist will never be thin enough..
when do you see it?!

[Rant/Rave] I've always been out of control around food
/u/beluga_fail [5'4.5" | 112.6 lbs | - 10ish lbs | 15F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 12:51:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85v9sw/ive_always_been_out_of_control_around_food/
I don't know how I wasn't extremely overweight when I was younger - probably because I was extremely picky and never really enjoyed most of the food I ate. But, for as long as I can remember, I was called a sweet tooth and always was sneaking around for more sugar and never had any control around food.

I guess this grew into full-on binging after I decided to start restricting and losing weight because the mass of food I was eating grew more and more every month as I fell deeper into an eating disorder. And I started purging - that's when my parents found out about all of this.

Now, my mom stops me from binging. Yesterday was my birthday - she literally took my pizza from me and told me it was enough. It doesn't feel fair anymore - it feels so invasive to have someone watching everything I put in my mouth. It's the perfect motivation to continue restricting and hopefully lose the weight (I am ~7 pounds above my flair right now and too ashamed to update it).

I guess I don't know anymore. I'm extremely suicidal after binging - way more self destructive and horrible. But when I'm restricting, I get a little sense of hope. Maybe - just _maybe_ - I won't hate myself once I lose enough weight. Maybe I'll stop being such a piece of shit to everyone I love. Maybe all my problems will disappear as the fat disappears from my body.

Or maybe I'll just hate my smaller self just as much.

I don't know. I'd rather hate a tiny version of me than the whale I am now.

[Discussion] Whats your favorite meal to skip? Or your favorite time to eat your OMAD?
Created: Tue Mar 20 11:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85uu0g/whats_your_favorite_meal_to_skip_or_your_favorite/
I prefer only eating at night. Gets me to sleep easier and I don't wake up feeling weak. Breakfast is the worst for me cause it makes me hungry all day and if I skip dinner that's when I start getting dizzy.

[Help] Lost my appetite and scared
/u/emoghost [Height 5'5" | CW 125 | GW 115]
Created: Tue Mar 20 11:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ujhj/lost_my_appetite_and_scared/
Does magnesium reduce your appetite? And does anyone know how long it takes to kick in?

I've only been taking 250 mg Magnesium supplements for two days, I got a lab back that my protein levels are low and I heard Magnesium gets rid of chocolate cravings and for the last two days I've had so much control over my appetite. I don't feel the need to eat breakfast even though ever since I've been trying to get out of the binge/restrict cycle I've always woken up hungry and had something for breakfast.

Today at lunch I started panicking because I didn't feel very hungry and didn't have any urges to eat until I was full. I'm worried that if I don't eat until I reach a certain point of fullness my body will punish me by sending me binge urges.

But this is ridiculous. Because this is probably how a normal person eats lunch.

[Rant/Rave] New season... new me
/u/awkwardsriracha [5'4 | CW | BMI | | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 11:16:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ugyo/new_season_new_me/
Vicious cycle of binging and purging started when I came back to campus for the spring semester. I was struggling big time. Couldn't study or sit still five minutes without thinking about food. Looking back, I really thought I was crazy. I'd stand in front of the vending machine for half an hour, inserting bills, waiting impatiently for candy bar to come out, eat, and repeat the process again for god knows how many times.

But I've finally conquered it. I am so so so so so happy. I chug water, tea, coffee, La Croix, SoBe Water and some Crystal Light throughout the day and my cravings immediately go away.

Hasn't always been a smooth ride but I'm getting to where I need to be, yay!

[Discussion] DAE go through phases of an eating disorder
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Tue Mar 20 11:07:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ueaj/dae_go_through_phases_of_an_eating_disorder/
I started out anorexic. I was already underweight and doing juice cleanses and diets. Then it turned to binge eating for a while. After that it became bulimia. And then now I'm getting back into a restriction phase. Is anyone else like this? It makes me feel like a fake.

[Rant/Rave] I’m getting better.
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW Healthier :) | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85u8md/im_getting_better/
Hi! Not sure if anyone remembers me, but I’ve been gone for some months. I just posted this in the “Fat Rant Tuesday” thread on r/fatlogic, and I figured I’d share it with you guys if it brings you any hope. :)

“I’m approaching the point where I’m ready to add “recovering” to my flair. Med changes and ECT during yet another long hospitalization in October-November appear to have made all the difference, and my BMI is getting close to 19 now (still anxiety-inducing... and I utterly lost it even on the day I reached 17!).

As someone previously paralyzed by calorie counting who had to miss a year of school because I couldn’t keep my thoughts off of food enough to study, I’m feeling better than I have in years. I realized this after a simple conversation with my husband last night:

Hubs: “Should I leave the [dinner ingredient packages] on the counter so you have the nutrition facts?”
Me: typing away at med school-wide writing contest entry “Nah... I’m good. Thank you for asking, though.”

No food scale. No watching to make sure extra ingredients aren’t added. No compulsion to weigh myself. No urges to restrict to make up for it, or to quell the emotional torment of 18 years of severe depression (presently absent, WOW!) No obsessing. Little fear. Just taking an appropriate-looking portion and returning to my my contest entry while eating and not thinking about the food.

Realizing what happened last night hit me pretty hard (in a good way). I’ve wasted years and endangered my health and future medical career. The anorexia makes me feel like a hostage sometimes, where I technically have free will, but both eating and not eating feel like non-options. I became a prisoner of my own mind.

And with one single after-dinner comment, I had a revelation. For the first time in years, *I have higher priorities than losing weight*.

I never thought I’d get so sick, and then I never thought I’d get any better. In both cases, I was wrong. I return to the hospital on April 2nd, for once not as a patient, but as a med student and part of the care team. I’m so grateful. ❤️

Thanks for reading. 😊

[Rant/Rave] I’m so obsessed w food/recipes/calorie counting I can’t focus on my study...
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85u63n/im_so_obsessed_w_foodrecipescalorie_counting_i/
DAE feel the same way?

[Other] ED Observations
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'7 | GW: Air | Lady]
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85u3l9/ed_observations/
So, I'm not sure where I'm going with this post.

But I need to get it off my chest and I know this will be the best place to air these...thoughts, these ideas that have been floating in my brain for the past week, at least.

People tell me I'm skinny. This I know deep down is a lie. That could be the eating disorder, or it could be my now deeply twisted and warped view of what being 'skinny' entails. When I was heavier (on the scale, still hate how I look now), I think I had a better perspective on what is skinny. Now, how I view skinny is...'healthy skinny' VS 'real/proper/ED skinny.' Skinny being those who are in the BMI range of 19 and above, thats like healthy skinny? I think my BMI is at 18 currently. Hopefully, this binge cycle of mine will end soon.

Anyway. Theres girl who I know (an acquaintance, mainly) via other people and she has my goal body. First of all, she is short- noticeably short. Petite. I'm at 5'7 and she is more than a head shorter than me. Her weight, I wouldnt be surpised if her weight was somewhere in the 70 - 80 pound range, or maybe even lower than that. I wish I could look like her, the first time I met her I purged for the first time in a year. Currently fighting the urge to go and purge now, because just thinking of how tiny she is makes me want to die. When I first met her, alarm bells went off in my mind. A person will rarely look like that unless they have a serious medical/physical condition or an eating disorder.

Now this girl she is older than me and surpise surpise, has an eating disorder. Very good at hiding it, too. To the point where her best friend even thinks her disgustingly low weight (yes I am jealous) is due to gastritis. But, one night when she (I'll call her A) was drunk, A admitted to me she is a restrctive bulimic. And goddamn, I was happy and sad at the same time. Coming to the realization that someone who has my 'goal body', also has an eating disorder, its a sort of equalizer but in the same breath, well fuck. Shes struggiling and also I belive deeply in denial.

Lets move onto another person in my life. This girl (I'll call her M) has an ED too, but she is a binge eater. Me and her have a lot of the same behaviors and self-destructive tendencies. She's busy killing herself with food and has said so to me in not so many words.

Obviously, I'm not a doctor or a psychologist, but somehow I...can sense people who are like me.

It fucking breaks my heart man, seeing people in my circle struggiling. I'm pretty open about my ED to people, when I was admitted to a clinic that whole private/secret I had was ripped away from me.

Its happened more than once in casual conversations where others have mentioned very flippantly their experiences with eating disordered behaviors.

It just makes me sad to see so many others who are in the same boat.

Strongs, r/ProED

[Rant/Rave] Why are boyfriends so clueless?
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85u31g/why_are_boyfriends_so_clueless/
My boyfriend is totally clueless and says dumb things all the time. I hate using the word "triggered", but really, he triggered me today.

He recently joined a gym. Cool, he's happy and I'm happy. BUT now he's all into fitness, healthy eating and stuff and UGH I can't stand it. Lately especially... He said "don't get too skinny", okay cool. But then today we were talking about my body measurements because he knows I'm "dieting" and stuff, so I reluctantely told him, and basically he gave me advice on macros and exercises etc.

I told him I either eat 800 calories or 2000+, and he didn't say anything. Just "that's the way to become skinny fat". Like, dude, I was trying to confess my eating disorder!! Also he said "You're not overweight." to which I replied "but I'm not underweight either" AND HE FUCKING SAID "What matters is if you're working on it". WHAT?? DID YOU JUST SAID I *SHOULD* BE UNDERWEIGHT??

So yeah, basically he told me to eat 1200 calories a day (I won't lol). Then I asked him what my goal weight should be. I know I shouldn't have asked, but I wanted some motivation to starve I guess. He said 47 kg (he used an online calculator I think). Fuck. I was 46 kg this summer before my binge phase, I had lost my period and my bones were visible. People were worried about me. I want to get to that point again.

But anyway, my boyfriend is usually a great partner. I'm just overreacting, which is something I do a lot lol.

[Rant/Rave] Tastes, Smells, Feels Like Failure
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" |-44 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tz84/tastes_smells_feels_like_failure/
~~this is my shitty poetry just a warning~~

* Restricting tastes like spearmint gum, disintegrating into flecks— rubbery and chewy, but reaching for another.
* It tastes like zero calories: soda, energy drinks, sweeteners, aspartame....
* It tastes like mustard on pickles and plain tofu.
* It tastes like a stale rice cake covered in absolutely nothing; crunchy, plastic, earthy, and dry.
* It tastes like bad breath, acidic remnants wedged in wisdom teeth.
* It tastes like chalk and berries in one shot, two shots, 10 hours later.
* It tastes like a crash and burn. Burned calories, burned tongue, burned out.

* Restricting smells like nail polish, stinging and cold— glossy topcoat still wet, don’t smear it.
* It smells like epsom salt, “lavender” and “coconut” and “relaxing.”
* It smells like floral perfumes and candles, headaches to follow.
* It smells like grease and thick fryer air. Like “no thank you, I ate before I came.”
* It smells like chocolate, three feet away but also 3000 lightyears beyond reach.
* It smells like clothing stores; hours spent choosing, putting away, picking up again, cold sweat, angry hot thoughts. This way and that, swishing around and cinching here. Not enough, never enough. It smells like shame, replacing the plastic hangers where they rightfully belong.

* Restricting feels like an endless war. A push and pull, a promise and lie rolled in one.
* It feels like a trick, a trap, a temptation.
* It feels like a black hole— a simple numbers game turned sinister.
* It feels like pixels of light and lace and pastel pinks.
* It feels pale and meaningless and endless.
* It feels like a dry mouth that will never be quenched; like a choice that will never be reversed. Like a life that has to be lived until expiration. Like a prison and a sanctuary. Like death and life.

Restriction is failure to live. I am a failure.

[Discussion] i am 32, i’m not fixed but it does get better
/u/lead-by-example [6’0 191 gw178 | m32]
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85twk5/i_am_32_im_not_fixed_but_it_does_get_better/
14 years ago a binge was a cheesesteak for lunch, a pizza for dinner, and a whole bag of tostitos for snack. Every day.

3 years ago a binge was a pint of b&j, 1-2x a week.

Now a binge is a pint of halo top, maybe the rest of the lunch meats or too much cereal. every couple weeks.

day to day progress is hard to see. but it is not as bad as it used to be, as i build a better life one brick at a time.

[Goal] How much more should I lose ?? Not sure my exact CW (around 145lbs ??) UGW; 129.5lbs. What do you guys think would fit my frame best ??
Created: Tue Mar 20 10:06:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tve1/how_much_more_should_i_lose_not_sure_my_exact_cw/

[Help] [help] lost 10 lbs in one week?
Created: Tue Mar 20 09:56:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tsfv/help_lost_10_lbs_in_one_week/

[Goal] Losing weight
Created: Tue Mar 20 09:46:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tplx/losing_weight/

[Discussion] Binging again the second I️ finish purging
Created: Tue Mar 20 09:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tkw9/binging_again_the_second_i_finish_purging/
After a binge I’ll purge but then as soon as I’m done purging I️ want to eat again, like IMMEDIATELY after, so I️ do. But I’m so desperately hungry that I eat without drinking water with I️t but I️ don’t consider I️t a binge really so I️ don’t purge the second time, or else I️ know I️t would just go on and on. This is why on my b/p days I️ gain weight. If I️ were able to b/p and leave I️t at hat I’m sure I’d be losing weight, or at least staying the same since I️ restrict HARD on some days Anybody else do this?

[Help] Distraction techniques?
/u/snaafuuu [5'3| 187 | 34.41 | -17.7 | 22F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 09:22:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tizh/distraction_techniques/
I have an incredibly infuriating coworker that talks as loud as possible and really runs me up the fucking wall. If I need to get away, I usually go to the kitchen and mill around, which obviously leads to me being weak and eating whatever food is there. Do any of you have any good distraction techniques to stave off food or annoying coworkers?

[Help] Low blood sugar and EC stacks. Advice?
Created: Tue Mar 20 09:16:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85thct/low_blood_sugar_and_ec_stacks_advice/

[Rant/Rave] I think I've found the answer to not gaining while on holiday in France
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:96 / BMI: 18.56 / GW: 85]
Created: Tue Mar 20 09:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85tgor/i_think_ive_found_the_answer_to_not_gaining_while/
I'm vegan and going on holiday to France in a month. I'm the only vegan in the group so naturally we're not likely to go anywhere explicitly vegan. Im simultaneously scared and relieved as France isn't very vegan friendly and I don't speak French. The upside is I likely won't be able to eat much so I'll still be losing but I'm a bit sad I likely won't be able to cut loose and indulge like everyone else.

A big plus though is that I'm finally seeing some results. My collarbones and shoulder bones are really starting to come through so I should look really good on holiday if I keep it up.

[Rant/Rave] Oh my ass shitting god I'm in love.
Created: Tue Mar 20 08:32:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85t5c3/oh_my_ass_shitting_god_im_in_love/
I have done it. The ultimate subterfuge. I have found some amazing safe foods to keep around. My life atm is a combination of these crispette things (27 each), yoghurt icecream pop things (44 each) and iced coffees- just coffee from the moka in a bigass cup of ice topped off with unsweetened almond milk (maybe 5-10?). Before that i was living on diet coke and cucumbers because cucumbers are literally the only overlap between safe foods and foods the boys like eating. (Apart from eating a 16cal bowl of lettuce 8 times a day but it started getting old).

These guys are saving my life. I can eat like six meals a day without anyone noticing I'm eating less than 300 calories, and obviously with safe foods around I'm so much less likely to binge!!

I'm so relieved, the amount if binges has gone down 5000% AND I found scales in the garage so I'll be able to measure my results instead of eyeballing my weight loss. The Ana gods are smiling upon me today 😌 (I mean, if any gods were smiling on me I wouldn't be here, but small victories..)

A standard day with these lil saviours looks like this:

• 1 iced coffee for breakfast (10)
• 1 crispy 1 diet coke for morning tea (27)
• 2 crispies for lunch (54)
• 1 lil pop for afternoon tea (44)
• a handful of olives, 1/2 a cucumber, 2 crispies for dinner (100ish)
• 1 lil pop for dessert (44)

[Help] Help!! To confess or not
/u/strangerousdangers [5'3 |115|GW 105 |-20lbs]
Created: Tue Mar 20 08:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85sy9k/help_to_confess_or_not/
Hey y’all!! I need help. I am super conflicted over whether I should tell my boyfriend about my ED. We have been dating for two years and he is overall a great dude and I feel guilty that I’m hiding this from him but at the same time I don’t want to fess up because:

-I’m not skinny so I think he’s just gonna nod and smile but inside be like “suuure”

-I’m not ready to stop fasting/purging and if he knows about it he is probably going to stop me. We binge together though which is a terrific bonding opportunity right 😅

I don’t know what to do!! I keep flip flopping back and forth every day about what to do!! 😭 help

[Help] [Help] Seeking Past "Thin & Fit" Post…
/u/LMichaelM [KetoFaster! ♂60 | 5'8" 11%BF cw139# gw124#]
Created: Tue Mar 20 07:44:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ssz0/help_seeking_past_thin_fit_post/
Someone posted I believe here in r/proED (recently?), speaking of his/her work involving interaction with **talent whose job is "to be thin and fit…"** I would dearly like to view this post again, but after scouring Reddit high and low with a variety of search-terms I am drawing a blank. Possibly, of course, the post has been deleted… But if this rings a bell with you (perhaps *you* were the poster!) kindly hit me up with a link, even via DM — I'd be deeply grateful.

[Rant/Rave] wedding is coming soon
Created: Tue Mar 20 07:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85skm3/wedding_is_coming_soon/
AND I CANT STOP BINGING!! I’m in this horrible pattern where I count/measure everything during the week, exercise 1-2 x per day, the scale drops, and everything is great.

But the weekends are horrible - I’m off my schedule, my fiancé always wants to order pizza or go out to eat or day-drink and my stupid brain convinces me it’s “ok for today, you’ve done so well this week, normal people can do this so you’ll be ok” yesterday I ate ALL day long, like 2700 kcal including 6 pop-tarts!!

and now the scale is so high again - I’m puffy and swollen from too many carbs, super anxious about my weight. My wedding is in a couple of months and I’m so anxious about everyone staring at me, taking pictures etc. I can’t talk about this with anyone else since “you’re so thin already” which I am objectively not. Just needed to rant for a minute and focus on a delicious breakfast of black coffee 😓

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday March 20, 2018
Created: Tue Mar 20 06:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85s6u2/thinspo_tuesday_march_20_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 20, 2018
Created: Tue Mar 20 06:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85s6sd/daily_food_diary_march_20_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 20, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] Reasons to have a dog ED version
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 05:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85s3k4/reasons_to_have_a_dog_ed_version/

[Discussion] March 20th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 05:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85rzks/march_20th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What was the last book you read?

A collection of short stories by Jeffery Deaver and now Aesop’s Fables, which apparently nobody has heard of ???

[Help] Ok riddle me this if you will
Created: Tue Mar 20 05:04:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85rucx/ok_riddle_me_this_if_you_will/
So, the psyllium husk/lax kicked in last night through to this morning (sorry tmi).
I was sure I would have lost weight my stomach went from puffed out to flat.
I weighed and literally same weight as yesterday morning when I was constipated as hell.

However I retook my measurements that I had taken yesterday and “lost” a total of 5” in waist/belly button/midsection area.
Yay but how no weigh Loss ?

Good morning all!

[Help] It was always about control. (The point of difficult return - by Vitreous Bones Insta)
/u/MsFaceless [5'8" | CW 127 | BMI 20 | GW 100 | 28F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 04:44:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85rqq9/it_was_always_about_control_the_point_of/
*This is personal for me and may not reflect everyone's experience*
It was always about control. About looking perfect. And perfect meant skinny. At first, it takes an immense amount of conscious effort to restrict, to not binge. Sometimes you eat normally for days. Your goal is go lose weight. Maybe you're overweight and you think that being skinny will open the golden gates of happiness and self-acceptance instead of self-loathing and misery. You imagine yourself at your goal weight. Smiling, wearing a bikini on a beach surrounded by attractive people. Guys staring at you. But you don't know what the future holds because you're not there yet. You can't see the misery, the self-hatred that ironically gets worse the more weight you lose. There is a line. A line separating conscious, self-starvation in the midst of poor self-control, and self-starvation controlled entirely by an eating disorder. You no longer have to will yourself not to eat. Now, you don't have a choice. You're no longer in control. You have been taken over, and you hate it. Your brain is malnourished and you no longer live in reality. You seem to get fatter with every pound lost. This may even seem ideal when you haven't yet crossed the line. To not have to think about it and have it come naturally is the ultimate form of self-control. But oh how far from the truth that is. The further it swallows you the more hopeless you feel. Think about it. You see people at their goal weights who starved or purged to get there. Are they happy? No. Never. Sure they may be excited about the number. But it will never be enough. They do not suddenly become satisfied. I would suffer forever if it meant others could realize that anorexia and emaciation are not the key to happiness. Please. It's never too late to get help. It gets so much harder once you cross the line. I promise.


[Intro] Relapsing because my boyfriend asked for help with his ED...
/u/DustyKangaroo [5'2 | CW:137 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 20 04:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85rp6n/relapsing_because_my_boyfriend_asked_for_help/
Hey all. New here. My boyfriend asked for my help in recovering from his ED, and I'm more than happy to do so (it was hard watching him struggle with it and not reach out). But I've noticed it taking its toll on me, and I feel like I should be more worried, but i'm not; and I don't feel like I can tell him, because of his struggles right now. He'd feel guilty, and he has enough to deal with. I'm just here for like-minded company and support.

How do I deal with being alone? Seriously.
Created: Tue Mar 20 01:22:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85qun5/how_do_i_deal_with_being_alone_seriously/

[Help] best things to eat at a restaurant? (particularly red Robin's?)
Created: Tue Mar 20 00:29:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85qmf8/best_things_to_eat_at_a_restaurant_particularly/
I don't want to just order tea or water nor do I want to get something super small - I'll be fasting the entire day so I can eat dinner properly since it's for an important event. any opinions on the best things to get or how to eat so that I’m not gonna be going massively over my calorie limit (1200) but still enjoy myself?

[Discussion] Does anyone not actually hate themselves, but still restrict, binge/purge, just lose more weight, etc.?
/u/annan4 [5'4.5" | SW 175| CW 138| GW 104| 19F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 22:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85q4cq/does_anyone_not_actually_hate_themselves_but/
I hope this isn't too confusing, but I think my ed behaviors started from depression and self-hatred for sure, but I went to a few counseling sessions that actually gave me a lot or what feels like a lot of mental clarity, and I don't feel nearly as depressed. I also don't feel like I hate myself like I used to, but the ed behaviors still remain. I still want to lose weight and think I should, but it seems like I still can't do it the healthy way or more like I'd prefer to restrict heavily, binge/purge, etc. to lose more. Am I just in denial about my real feelings? I know a few counseling sessions isn't a ton, but I feel hugely different than I did before, but it's like I still don't want to recover from my ed.

[Other] This showed up under the "questions" section on FB. I LOL'ed.
Created: Mon Mar 19 22:31:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85q20c/this_showed_up_under_the_questions_section_on_fb/

[Help] 24 hour fast?? How???
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | too much / GW: 53kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 22:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85q1z6/24_hour_fast_how/

[Other] The best part about being sad is that I have no will to eat
Created: Mon Mar 19 22:08:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85pxnb/the_best_part_about_being_sad_is_that_i_have_no/

Created: Mon Mar 19 21:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85prq4/ugh_im_trying_to_fast_but_my_mom_is_making_me_eat/

[Help] How do you handle your anxiety when your friends surprise and drag you to a restaurant?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS [5'6 |CW:156.8 | GW: 125 |F 18]
Created: Mon Mar 19 21:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85pnsp/how_do_you_handle_your_anxiety_when_your_friends/
I live in a sorority and if you have/do then you know how easy it is for your friends to scoop you up and drag you places for fun.

Every week my friends and I go to BWW on Thursday and it’s fine and I plan around it but today we’re unexpectedly going and they can clearly see I’m not doing anything else bc we live in the same room. I absolutely can’t get out of it, not an option. Can’t fake being sick, tired, etc yanno.

How would you handle the anxiety this causes???

I’m under my TDEE but I’m a little over the amount of calories I want to be at because I was getting Ansy and ate a Quest bar which in no way deserves the 190 calories.

Any advice as to how the dick I should handle this? I’m drinking water, planning on what I will eat if I do and all but I’m panicking.

Ps hello again I’m back for the 19th time :/

Edit bww is Buffalo Wild Wings

[Discussion] What feels worse?
Created: Mon Mar 19 21:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85plop/what_feels_worse/
Sitting with three bigass slices of pizza in your stomach, or purge guilt?


[Help] What NOT to say to your therapist
Created: Mon Mar 19 20:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85pewr/what_not_to_say_to_your_therapist/
Y'all. I've been *trying* to reach my goal weight before getting a therapist, but all my mental fuckery is now significantly impacting my work performance. I can't lose my dream job.

So I'm getting a therapist.

This terrifies me because I NEED to keep losing weight. I've gained five pounds since getting sick several weeks ago, so I'm even further from my goal than I was.

I need to get help with my work-related anxiety, but it's impossible not to bring up food issues because everything is interrelated, and besides, I've already mentioned to this person that I'm specifically seeking someone with experience treating people with disordered eating patterns.

So - there's no hiding it completely. But are there things I should avoid saying? Things that could get particularly bad reactions from a therapist? Anything that could stall my weight loss?

Should I avoid mentioning/ lie when I've fasted a lot that week? Should I avoid mentioning trying to purge (lol I've never been successful....which I guess is good.)

I don't even know what to ask. I guess I'm seeking YOUR experience with therapists, and how they work with you. I'm scared, but I can't back out now, for the sake of my job and livelihood.

Thanks <3

[Discussion] Body image ruining dating
Created: Mon Mar 19 20:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85p5zn/body_image_ruining_dating/
So i’m 16, most of my friends are dating by now. I’ve been an overweight/obese kid my ENTIRE life (still am, though on the much slimmer end). Growing up fat you’re conditioned to think nobody will ever love your or find you attractive, and it’s ruining my confidence around boys even though i’ve lost 50 pounds. Some friends tell me i’m “not fat anymore” after losing it, but all i can see in the mirror is a disgusting lump of lard. I end up friendzoning myself around every guy i’m interested in since i can’t fathom anybody finding me attractive in any sense. I know this isn’t directly related to EDs, but i know some of you must have a similar problem too. what do i do.

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself
/u/wednesdayschild_ [5'3" | CW: No idea | BMI: Too scared to know | WL: Not enough]
Created: Mon Mar 19 18:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85onzt/i_hate_myself/
So a couple of days ago, I posted about my roommate cooking chicken alfredo and seeking advice on how to get out of it. We've both been sick this week so it didn't end up happening (which aslo meant no exercise for me but that's a whole other post), so one of our mutual friends bought us some groceries.


Our friend's cooking a pasta/beef/cheese dish right now in our kitchen. She bought us a 12 pack of Cokes and some chocolate chip cookie dough. I'm ashamed that when I first saw it all, my initial reaction was fear. Why the fuck am I afraid of food that was a nice gesture? I don't even know how this happened. I suck. I hate myself.

[Help] I have the rare opportunity to get all new kitchenware!!!
/u/ayvyns [5'7“ | 130| 20.2 | -9 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 18:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ojhe/i_have_the_rare_opportunity_to_get_all_new/
I'm so excited you guys. Are there any particular websites that have cute kitchen stuff? I'm on the hunt for the perfect utensils, drinking glass, oversized mug for tea, square plate, oversized cup to use as a bowl, and actual bowl. I actually enjoy having medium-largeish plates and bowls because it feels so substantial in my hands. Other than items include: hot water kettle, soup kettle, deep pan, santoku knife, and cutting board.

[Rant/Rave] Lying to my therapist
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Mon Mar 19 18:12:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ofuu/lying_to_my_therapist/
Ok, more like “keeping secrets.” My thoughts are worse since starting Prozac but I don’t want to tell her because I don’t want her to fix it. I’ve started cutting again and it’s helped so much. I can’t tell her that I’m done seeing her because she’ll definitely tell my mom. I don’t know.

[Help] Hey either starving or drinking has caused my brain to go splat. Can I change my flair on mobile? What if I access through chrome and not the app?
/u/User820125 [65” CW: Fuck GW: over and done.]
Created: Mon Mar 19 17:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85o9nc/hey_either_starving_or_drinking_has_caused_my/
Yup am brain dead now.

[Rant/Rave] Anyone know about chest deformities?
Created: Mon Mar 19 17:38:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85o79r/anyone_know_about_chest_deformities/
So I am nowhere near my GW, but I noticed that my rib cage is huge, like I am probably 30lbs over my goal BMI of 17, but I can clearly see my ribs, especially if I suck my gut in. It already looks bad, but I shudder at the thought of my ribs if I drop even more weight. Anyone know of a way to compress the ribs so I can make my gross chest smaller? Any advice would be appreciated.

[Rant/Rave] I hate and love spring break
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Mon Mar 19 17:33:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85o5xz/i_hate_and_love_spring_break/
I just got back to school from spring break. I went to southern California with my bf and close friends and overall it was a great time. ate actual meals for once and drank way more than I would've liked.

I gained 6 pounds.

I am freaking out and i know realistically i shouldn't be. I am 118 pounds today and I feel absolutely huge. When I told my boyfriend about the gain he said it was a good thing with a smile on his face. I know he is probably right but I was doing so well before break.... I was 112!!!

The good thing is now that i'm back I can fall back into my routine of basically only eating rice cakes, fruit and air popped popcorn sparingly. Gym here I fucking come lol. Please help me try to not cry every time I pass a damn MIRROR

Also, have any of you heard of Chomperz seaweed chips??? They are incredible and only 40 cals per serving, I discovered them at my local health food store.

Hopefully I don't stay fucking chubby for long

[Help] My name is Steve Hofstetter, and I am a stand-up comedian with an eating disorder. This an animated story is the first time I've been really public about it. I hope this helps show other guys they are not alone.
Created: Mon Mar 19 17:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85o34w/my_name_is_steve_hofstetter_and_i_am_a_standup/

[Rant/Rave] The only thing I’m good at is losing weight and I’m not even that good at it
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:54:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nw1u/the_only_thing_im_good_at_is_losing_weight_and_im/

[Goal] 50 HOUR FAST!!! (And still going strong!!)
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 108.6 | 20.1 | -12 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:53:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nvuu/50_hour_fast_and_still_going_strong/
Wow. I've never done this before, not this easily. I slept through a lot of it, to be honest. But I've not had any nausea or faintness or weakness, no appetite, barely any hunger pangs at all!! I just feel light, empty, and FREE!!! The stars just aligned for me this week! I'm 106.4 pounds right now but I'm not going to update my flair, just in case it's only a temporary loss. I think I'm just going to keep not eating until I start to feel bad, tbh! I need to take advantage of this absolute miracle!!

I'd like to thank my sponsors: Tazo blondie dessert tea, Stevia, Almond milk, and NyQuil Liqui-capsules!! And of course, I have to thank all the little calories I stepped on to get here!!

[Rant/Rave] Shout out to how I will finish a heaping plate of food, not because I’m hungry, but because it’s in front of me!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'3.5F | 118.6 ]
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nqx8/shout_out_to_how_i_will_finish_a_heaping_plate_of/

[Rant/Rave] How to lose your appetite in one easy step!
/u/chloelouiise [5'6 | 136 | 21.95 | -86 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nptw/how_to_lose_your_appetite_in_one_easy_step/
All you have to do is just unrepress the emotions you had bottled up about your sexual assault by a man who you have to work with everyday.

Works like a charm and I have a 1650kcal deficit! 💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

God these last 3 years have been shitty.

[Other] I'm about to (not) graduate high school and I weigh as much as I did in elementary school
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85no7g/im_about_to_not_graduate_high_school_and_i_weigh/
When I was eleven years old, I went in to the doctor for a tetanus shot.

They weighed me, and at the time, i paid no mind to it. Numbers like that didn't mean a thing to me then.

I only recently saw it on my growth chart when I went in for my monthly blood draw.

I weighed 79lbs.

Today, I weigh 79lbs.

I ought to be a grown ass adult woman, but you wouldn't know it by looking at me or speaking to me. I've spent so much time dancing with my demons i've neglected to look beyond them except in painful moments of lucidity in which I face the things my habits formed to protect me from.

I feel frozen in time... like im still just a snapshot of a scared kid showing off a bandaid-battle scar.

[Help] Vitamins when on ED ?
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nk65/vitamins_when_on_ed/
Ok so I am back at restricting after a month long of self hate and binging (I gained 15 pounds FUCK my LIFE) anyways, I really don’t want my skin to break out like it usually does when I don’t eat enough. What kind of vitamins or supplements should I be looking into?

[Discussion] Does anybody else get kind of annoyed by those "recovery warrior" accounts on Instagram?
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS [163cm | CW 55kg | GW 50kg | HW 80kg]
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85njrx/does_anybody_else_get_kind_of_annoyed_by_those/
Don't get me wrong, I think it's amazing that people work hard to fix their relationship with food and I obviously respect anybody who tries to recover whichever way works for them but...

The way they keep referring to "Ana" as a person and talk about "crushing her calcium-depleted bones" (direct quote from a particularly poetic account), the way they obsessively photograph and post every single thing they eat and the way they talk to each other and comment on each other's pictures in such a sickly-sweet way that doesn't seem genuine at all just reminds me of a pseudo-healthy version of 2006 Ana butterfly bullshit.

I guess maybe I'm just bitter they can eat all that food and be praised for it lol.

[Rant/Rave] Tfw people at the office ask if you partied too hard on St Patrick’s day and you say yes, but really you just ate waaay too much and have a food hangover 🙃
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nius/tfw_people_at_the_office_ask_if_you_partied_too/
My life right now. I only had a few beers yesterday, but I have a vision of myself two hands deep into nachos, LITERALLY stuffing my face with them both, cheese hanging out of my mouth...oh god. I was up by almost 5 lbs this morning. Kill me now.

[Other] Today's Conflict: Am I binging or is this self care
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"1 | 111 lb | -18 lb | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nimv/todays_conflict_am_i_binging_or_is_this_self_care/
Basically died this 2 weeks through hard restriction/fasting. Woke up feeling like CRAP and went to eat (dunno how many calories) some bread, 2 eggs and a poptart and a cookie. I can't tell if this is "taking care of myself" or "another form of self destruction" Oh well life goes on...back to restriction and dying.

[Rant/Rave] lol i just binged i love myself
Created: Mon Mar 19 16:04:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85nhzq/lol_i_just_binged_i_love_myself/

[Discussion] Anybody else?
Created: Mon Mar 19 15:52:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ness/anybody_else/
Anybody else see their family member, friend, etc eat something or order something that obviously has more cals than what you ate and compare them to you? Then like say "I ate less cals than them" in your head? It sounds so fucked up lmaoo

[Rant/Rave] I hate when people tell me they saw someone who looks just like me...
Created: Mon Mar 19 15:31:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85n90e/i_hate_when_people_tell_me_they_saw_someone_who/
the person is always very heavy and unkempt, definitely weighs atleast 50 lb more than me. I am sure that person is really nice and I have nothing against them personally, but I feel disgusted with myself when EVERYTIME classmates say they thought they saw me on the street, the person they point out is so large. The person could have a completely different face than me so it's not that they thought we had similar features. This boils down to them looking at their body and immediately associating me with that shape. I've been eating no more than 800 calories a day for a week now, with a BMR of 2,066. I've lost 8 lb in a week and can't wait to drop 40 more ultimately. One of my NSV is to have people NEVER compare me to a large person by virtue of size.

[Discussion] Can we talk ED Warriors?
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'3 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Mon Mar 19 15:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85n7dm/can_we_talk_ed_warriors/
Ive recently been following a few ED warriors that inspire me. I just want to know if yu guys have any favourites? I have been following Jenn Pretty who has an instagram and a youtube channel and she is honesty so inspiring.

I can really resonate with a lot of things that she talks about [i.e. overexercising, anorexia, high restriction, etc].

Does anyone else follow these?

[Other] My boyfriend broke up with me
/u/lollemons [5'6 | CW 111 | 17.99 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 15:23:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85n6u6/my_boyfriend_broke_up_with_me/
The person i thought i would marry broke up with me today. I’m so distraught i want to eat everything and cry but i also just want to starve myself until i whither away and die a pile of bones. I’m leaning towards the second option

[Intro] Can we do an introductions thread?
Created: Mon Mar 19 15:16:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85n55k/can_we_do_an_introductions_thread/
Hi, my name's PinkyOutYo, and I am a bulimic of 11 years.

I would love to contribute to this community but I feel a bit weird just commenting on random people's things, and definitely feel weird posting another self post, like it might not be welcome.

Old or new members, shall we get to know each other?

(Ninja edit: spelling)

[Rant/Rave] I ate over 1000 calories in less than two hours
Created: Mon Mar 19 14:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85mzla/i_ate_over_1000_calories_in_less_than_two_hours/

[Rant/Rave] Someone just told me how light i am
Created: Mon Mar 19 14:54:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85myxy/someone_just_told_me_how_light_i_am/
And part of me is like "bitch why TF you lying" and the other part is just like "bitch marry me tf"

Honestly I'm so happy but now it makes me want to starve more?

Also I'm n o t that light why do people keep saying that

[Rant/Rave] Hauling myself back on that wagon
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 14:26:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85mqpb/hauling_myself_back_on_that_wagon/
I've been free falling since I hit my second goal weight of 77kg. I'm still weighing myself religiously after every BM and have implemented a 'no eating before my first BM' rule...but I've stopped counting. And while my weight has gone down to 76.9kg (thank you ED gods) it jumped right back up again.

My work situation has been shitty as of late and I've been trying to feel happier about it with sugar and carbs. I was also sick with what I think was a plague so that sucked. BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Today I'm telling of my supervisor off (with permission from my manager) for being shit and I'm taking control of my work day. I'm going back to eating 1300 calories and hitting the gym. I can't keep letting my feelings rule my life 💪🏾💖👊🏾

[Rant/Rave] I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
/u/artbookstea [5'6 |CW 98.0 | BMI 15.8 | GW 96 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 14:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85mpca/i_dont_know_what_im_doing_anymore/
Every day is just another internal argument with myself over whether I should try to be a normal person with normal habits or keep trying to lose weight.

I'm too young to be this tired, and I'm dying a little more every day. There's so much more to my life and my potential than food and a goddamn number on the scale. I can't let go though, I can convince myself for a day to try something different but it's all pointless. Gain or lose I'll never be satisfied.

I have a very big dream that I'm getting closer and closer to achieving, I'm doing the best I ever have in school, and I have so much going for me. But what am I doing? I'm stuck playing a losing game of limbo with the scale, I think we all are, and I don't think it will ever be enough.

I'm sorry guys, this is a bit nonsensical and kind of a downer to read. I hope you all have a good week.

[Help] starving after breakup
Created: Mon Mar 19 14:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85mnwj/starving_after_breakup/
New to this community, returning to disordered eating. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Trying very hard to keep this post within rules, but morbidly curious regardless of consequences

Broke up on Tuesday, largest meal I've had since was a taco from taco bell. Mostly fasting the whole time, only taking breaks to eat half an edible cookie because I don't want to feel. I want to rot.

I don't have a scale because I live in a dorm and I don't know where to find one that wouldn't raise suspicions. I've got a very mentally ill friend group and they're watching me like hawks. One of them is going through relapse with her ED.

My question is: How have you noticed your body has changed when you don't eat at all vs when you restrictively eat? I've been browsing this subreddit for the past week and I'm shocked by the fact that ya'll do actually eat. Maybe I'm experiencing body dysmorphia, but I feel like I look entirely the same, and I'm disgusted with it.

[Other] I was so pretty when I was skinny(anyone else want someone to talk to about their ed?)
Created: Mon Mar 19 13:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85m4l1/i_was_so_pretty_when_i_was_skinnyanyone_else_want/
I was looking at old pictures from like 4 years ago when I was at my lowest weight and I looked so much better. I can’t stop binging and I’ve never looked worse- face wise too.

Can someone please hmu, I’m so alone in this rn and I need someone who I have a mutual understanding with on this and who I can help and can help me with accountability and stuff

[Intro] Back again
/u/throwaweigh_acct [5'3.5" | CW 121lbs | BMI 21.6 | - 5lbs | F | relapsing tbh]
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85lw5f/back_again/
My roadtrip to recovery hit a major pothole back in January. I applied to a prestigious summer camp and made it to the state level before being rejected. I had one more interview left. My application was the only thing I worked on over winter break and acception was my sole goal for 2018. In the same week, I broke up with my boyfriend for unrelated reasons. We weren't "clicking" and he was unsupportive of my dedication to education. It was my decision, and it isolated me from his friends, who were also the only friend group I had. They were mad, said I broke his heart, and called me ugly and fat.

It felt like my life was spiraling out of control, which shows how little of a hold I had on my mental state to begin with. Of course, I took control over everything I could to compensate. This included counting calories again. I told myself it was innocent, healthy, and that I would never go through disordered eating again. I started browsing various dieting subreddits and switched to keto. I told myself it was the perfect diet for recovery, and it was, for a while. Then I got into intermittent fasting and began a 16:8 regimen. I started lowering my calorie intake and found this subreddit again. At first, I used it to keep myself in check and remind myself of all the "crazy ED thoughts" and "haha, I can't believe I used to be like that".

Well, two weeks ago I decided that I wanted to lose weight. Badly. I figured I had nothing more to lose; I was friendless, lonely, and a little fat again. Each day I set my deficit lower and lower. Now, I'm not eating at all. No hunger, just boredom and a little fatigue. I'm calling it a fast until spring break, but I'm not going to break it until I'm underweight or my performance in school really suffers.

Writing all of this out is helping me come to terms with the relapse of my ED mindset, so maybe I'm not falling apart as much as I think.

[Discussion] Anyone else here with trichotillomania?
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85lvxn/anyone_else_here_with_trichotillomania/
(Can't tag on mobile sorry, this is a discussion)

Anyone else with trich find that you "replace" binging with pulling? I realized that I've been in one of those 4 hour trances during my fasting day and I'm so angry with myself. Like, I have an ED because I'm disgusted with myself and I want to change that, but then I just ending up replacing one thing I hate (being fat) with another (being bald). Please tell me I'm not alone lmao I want to cease to exist right now

[Help] Help!
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85lsic/help/

[Rant/Rave] Jeans that shrink after washing them.
/u/renewtheplaintiff [5'3 | cw: 100 | gw: 90 | F24]
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85lqmm/jeans_that_shrink_after_washing_them/
That is all.

(I almost cried squeezing into my freshly-washed skinny jeans today. I basically have to not breathe for a few hours till they loosen up again; hence, in constant trigger mode. Note to self: never washing jeans again.)

[Rant/Rave] Common Food Areas at Work/ I Love My Coworkers
/u/fatyoyo [32F | 5’2” | CW 166 lbs | GW 105 lbs |]
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:23:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85lqay/common_food_areas_at_work_i_love_my_coworkers/
I am so lucky. I work in a small department (7 people total) in a government office building. We have a kitchen with a full fridge/ freezer, a toaster oven, a microwave, a crockpot and a Keurig. BUT, we also have a staff full of really food conscious people, so it makes things so much easier. One woman had bariatric surgery so only eats tiny portions, another woman is a strict vegan, one guy eats only whole foods, another guy is juicing. Our fridge/ freezer is full of vegetables, salads, lean deli meat, light string cheese, laughing cow, protein shakes, juices, “diet” freezer meals, veggie burgers, etc. There is no leftover pizza, no chips, no sweets. No one judges what other people eat and everyone does their own thing. People share. Like an email went out to everyone: “I got all these cans of light soup for $0.50 each over the weekend so they’re in the pantry, feel free to help yourself.” I live alone and never finish a whole package of bagel thins or light english muffins before they go bad so I bring them to the work kitchen to share. We decided we’d rather have a community kitchen (except for packed lunches and labeled food) than one of us have to go down to the cafeteria because we forgot to pack a lunch. We had a potluck with a few other departments a couple weeks ago and choices included steamed broccoli, steamed asparagus, fresh fruit and veggie trays, ground turkey tacos in lettuce wraps, vegan bean burrito bowls... and this wasn’t weird to anyone! I just thought I’d add a little positivity today and give my awesome coworkers some love because I am usually SO anxious about shared food areas, being exposed to trigger foods and being judged on what I’m eating and I happened to end up in the perfect work environment for me. I know how hard it can be when it goes the other way!

[Discussion] Post purge drink
/u/PainlessMe [17F | 1.75 | CW: 61.1 | GW: 50 | SW: 70.1]
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85lpeg/post_purge_drink/
Hi, I was just wondering.

Do you have a post purge comfort drink/food to make you feel less shit? If yes, what is it?

[Other] PEACH thread 🍑 (19/03/18)
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 (fluctuates) | BMI:18 | 20/F 🌷]
Created: Mon Mar 19 12:07:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85llin/peach_thread_190318/
Hi there, just made a peach account !
My username's "mewd", feel free to add yours in the comments ♥

[Help] Low cal food ideas?
Created: Mon Mar 19 11:27:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85l9rl/low_cal_food_ideas/
Yo! I need to make my own food because my parents are convinced I'm starving myself. I need good low cal food options that LOOK like they are high cal. Preferably under 200-400 cals, and vegan.

[Other] Does anyone else picture their GW this way?
/u/squamouspuppies [5'9" | M]
Created: Mon Mar 19 11:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85l4tl/does_anyone_else_picture_their_gw_this_way/
This sounds really weird to type out, but when I think about my GW, it's almost more like a place rather than just my weight. You know those old video games where you can see different locked doors or closed off pathways from the beginning, but you can't access them until later? That's kind of how I picture it; once I get there, I'll have gotten the key to open the big shiny door that I've waited so long to open and see what's behind it.

[Discussion] Not sure if it's a win or a fail if your significant other doesn't notice that you haven't eaten in 48 hours
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:125.2lbs | BMI: 19.51 | -18.8 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Mon Mar 19 10:56:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85l0i9/not_sure_if_its_a_win_or_a_fail_if_your/
Evidently, he just doesn't notice. Might as well drag the fast out to 5-7 days then if he just isn't going to notice. Freedom! But also wow significant other dgaf/blind? Anyone else experience this?

[Rant/Rave] I am so fcking hungry.
Created: Mon Mar 19 10:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ksqc/i_am_so_fcking_hungry/

[Discussion] Society's relationship to food and eating disorders
Created: Mon Mar 19 10:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85kq0w/societys_relationship_to_food_and_eating_disorders/
I'm sure the link between societal pressure and ideas of food and ideals w/r/t bodies has already been discussed here, but I was watching some terrible disgusting recipe video on facebook (one of the thousands of unnecessarily fatty/sugary/unhealthy concotions i.e. cream cheese brownie oreo cream cheesecake lava cake) and started thinking about how our society (mainly western) views food.

Just from advertisements alone, how many times a day are we forcefully bombarded with pictures and videos of food that's incredibly indulgent, oftentimes overly so. Consider how pervasive fast food advertisements are, and how often what they advertise provides little to no nutritional value.

And why is the culture around food turning into this attempt to create the most outrageous, excessive recipes possible? A brownie doesn't get exponentially better with every new junk food that you add to it. I don't think melted cheese poured on top of a burger is going to improve my dining experience in any way.

It feels like a lot of this stuff is directly harmful for people suffering from eating disorders; especially around binging patterns and what we eat when we won't or don't want to indulge in that way again.

I guess my point of my post is to open up discussion; how does the media we consume, mainly cantered around food, feed into our pathologies and continues to erode our already damaged relationships with food.

(sorry for wall of text :x)

[Rant/Rave] I weigh 90 pounds.
Created: Mon Mar 19 09:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85kgjm/i_weigh_90_pounds/
I weigh 90 pounds. My BMI is 17.0.

Or, I _am_ 90 pounds. I _am_ my weight. I am a BMI of 17.0. A daily caloric intake around 800 calories. A disorder that means I can’t think about anything but food—a disorder that means I can’t be happy without not eating, can’t be functional without structuring my life around food.

It sucks. It sucks for me, and the people around me, and all of us. It sucks.

[Rant/Rave] I weight 90 pounds.
Created: Mon Mar 19 09:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85kdu7/i_weight_90_pounds/

[Rant/Rave] I didn't binge yesterday at a bridal shower where there was TONS of my favorite junk food.
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 171.4 | 30.00 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 08:06:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85jpj6/i_didnt_binge_yesterday_at_a_bridal_shower_where/
I went to a bridal shower yesterday, and the spread of food was ridiculous. Donuts, muffins, super buttery cheesy egg bake, cookies, sugary drinks, GIANT platters of tea sandwiches, little miniature pie bites?! It was insane.

And I ate less calories than I had planned for myself. I ate a lot of fruit and 3.5 teeny sandwiches, drank lightly sweetened tea, and.... I still had so much fun.

I just needed to share this. This would have been a perfect chance for me to binge and purge (the bathroom situation was private and perfect for puking tbh) but I didn't.

I hope you lovely people have similar triumphs today <3

[Rant/Rave] Worst binge in a long time
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|110.6lb|23F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 08:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85jnul/worst_binge_in_a_long_time/
I feel like such shit.

I always overeat over the weekends but this was something else. In-laws took us out to some wildly mediocre Mexican food and I went to town on chips and salsa and almost half of a HUGE plate of enchiladas. Then a medium blizzard from DQ. I normally eat ~1000/day. Next morning I told my husband how gross I felt and he was like "but you didn't even eat that much."

And as if to prove him wrong...I ate nonstop all day. Leftover Chinese. Handful after handful of animal crackers and Hershey's kisses and tortilla chips and whatever else I could find in the kitchen. Enormous home cooked meal feat. 3 enormous pieces of bread with jam and butter and two helpings of dessert and ice cream. Holy shit, I feel so bad. I haven't had a binge like that since I was in high school.

I have body checks from a couple days ago where I literally had a fucking six pack and I looked several months pregnant last night. I hope this doesn't happen again soon because I feel so horrible and out of control in a way I thought I'd never feel again. I thought I was over bingeing. Guess not. Doesn't help that I'm way behind work and now I feel disgusting AND disorganized. Probably going to punish myself by mixing adderall and caffeine, but anyone with advice or self-care suggestions please let me know.

[Discussion] Compliments.
/u/LynnieTheLemon [4'11" | CW: 118 | BMI: ?? | WL: -2 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 07:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85jatn/compliments/
My encounter with a homeless guy and a skate border tonight made me feel really good about myself. I think it made me feel beautiful in part because it was from strangers and they aren't really obligated to lie to me so it felt more genuine. Anyways, I got into a heated argument with my SO and decided to cool down and just go get some McDonald's fries to binge on and comfort eat.

And while I was out this really cute skater came by and pointed at me and did a skate trick for me. I thought it was cool because I use to skate all the time before I left home. We talked for a little while before a homeless guy came along and joined in the convo. Skater offered to pay for me and Homeless dude's fries. I ended up almost declining the offer (mainly because I feel gross eating in front of people) and jokingly said I was fat. Skater and Homeless dude began looking me over and telling me I look super thin and fit and petite! I almost wanted to cry because they were so adamant about it and it sounded so genuine! It made me feel so good I didn't think about how many calories were in my fries.

Have any of you guys had a moment like that? Where either the compliment was so genuine you had to believe it or it just made you feel really good to hear?

[Rant/Rave] This shit really skews your perception of healthy weight loss.
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:55:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85j8y1/this_shit_really_skews_your_perception_of_healthy/
I was perusing /r/1200isplenty and there was a post from someone who had lost about 25 pounds in a year by eating at a 500 calorie deficit. This is an amazing achievement - they've obviously worked hard and are making consistently healthy choices with eating.

But my ED brain makes me a shitty person, because my first thought was actually 'Only 25?'. I've lost 21 pounds in 6 weeks. I was overweight to begin with (no, really - and I still am) and have been eating about 400-500 calories a day, on average. This isn't healthy. This isn't okay. I feel faint, I'm anaemic af, and I'm often unable to sleep due to how hungry I am. Yet I have this sick sense of superiority because in a few weeks, I'll have accomplished what this person could only manage in a year. What the fuck is wrong with me.

[Discussion] How do you deal with your mom?
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:52:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85j86r/how_do_you_deal_with_your_mom/
My mom is seriously the worst person I have to deal with in regard to my ED. She thinks I’m too thin, even tho I’m not even close to my goal weight and I have an average BMI. She keeps asking questions since I’m not that chubby anymore and comments always on my food intake. She even sometimes forces me to eat some sugar loaded things, which is making me insane. I got so many hurtful comments from her and since she has become such a negative trigger for me, I confronted her (in a really nice way) with being so mean. It just made it worse.. I definitely don’t want to talk to her and I know she is already suspicious. I love my mom and don’t want to have to avoid her... what do you guys do? Anyone struggling with their mom or family in general?

[Help] When the consequences of having your ED become real. (Or, how I might need to leave university thanks to bulimia)
/u/crumpet9 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85j0ws/when_the_consequences_of_having_your_ed_become/
Today I am supposed to be doing a presentation for my senior thesis. This presentation is important, and worth 20% of my grade. But, I'm not doing it.

Bulimia has taken everything from me. It ruined and ended my relationship with a man I loved. It's made me resent friends and family for innocent comments and - God forbid - wanting to eat and hang out with me. My hobbies are gone. I look at pictures of myself with friends and all I remember is what I ate that day. I've had binge/purge sessions that make me lose days - vomiting is the only thing I do and I spend it disoriented and not doing anything productive. About a month and a half ago I overdosed on laxatives. Woke up sweating, vomiting, I actually was convinced I would die that night. & yet I bought a brand new pack just the other day. I'm going into debt buying binge food, and then expensive restriction food to compensate.

Last semester I reached attendance failures in every single one of my courses because my body dysmorphia would get so bad I felt like I couldn't leave my apartment, because I couldn't bear the thought of people seeing how fat and ugly I am.

And yet, that's all been fine. I've dealt with it. Until now. This is real now. I am fucking up and it's because of this disease. I am supposed to be graduating in May. I'm not. I'm supposed to be doing a summer internship. I'm not. I should be getting prepared for my presentation today, on a topic I am hugely passionate about. I'm not. I've never romanticised my disorder. I chose it so I've always felt guilt over it, but I've never romanticised it. But I've ignored every problem it's caused me. But now I cannot. I need to call my parents this week and tell them I probably need to do a medical leave. I had to email my advisor this morning and tell her that I will not be doing my presentation, and that could we meet so I can discuss my options?

And the most terrifying thing about this? Is that I still don't want to give it up. The first thing I did today after class was go to the store and buy ice cream to b/p. Forcing myself to vomit is not self care. It's not sustainable. I am lucky enough that I have yet to face health issues from this. But this disease wants me dead. I don't know if I'm ready for recovery. I don't think I'm fully prepared to lose all of this. But I'm ready for it to stop controlling my life. Bulimia is currently in control of me and I'm finally angry. Angry at who I've become, at every new low I've reached. I don't know where to go from here, I really don't. But for now I'm still here, and I think that's what matters. My ED has destroyed years of my life, but maybe it doesn't have to take it.

Thanks if anyone read this. Between here and Peach I feel so fortunate I have a safe space to vent this. Sometimes I feel like I'm living a double life.

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 19, 2018
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:14:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85izx0/weekly_stats_update_march_19_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for March 19, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 19, 2018
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:14:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85izw0/daily_food_diary_march_19_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 19, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Beginning to feel like I'm not recovering well enough/fast enough for my friends
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85izkc/beginning_to_feel_like_im_not_recovering_well/
I'm probably in a relaspe to be honest, I ate breakfast and mentioned that I'd made a fatal mistake in doing so (which was a mistake to say) because I felt like we could've left the house sooner if I hadn't. My best friend gave me a look that screamed she was disappointed in me for not wanting to eat and my girlfriend said I was looking for reasons no to eat when I brought it up privately with her.

I feel really frustrated because I'm beginning to feel like they all think I should just eat and all my problems will be solved. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not good enough, I don't feel like I'm ill I'm not underweight and I'm becoming really annoyed and like they just want me to get fat. I just wish they'd stop with the comments. I feel like shit because of them.

[Discussion] March 19th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 06:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85iypp/march_19th_2018_question_of_the_day/
Describe your work ethic.

[Rant/Rave] I told my boyfriend I weigh only 8 kilos more than my skinny sister and he was shocked it was so little
Created: Mon Mar 19 05:36:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85isjz/i_told_my_boyfriend_i_weigh_only_8_kilos_more/

[Rant/Rave] Would a patd! lyric be too emo of a title for this?
Created: Mon Mar 19 05:03:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85imsy/would_a_patd_lyric_be_too_emo_of_a_title_for_this/

[Goal] im fucking done with eating
/u/isaezraa [5'3 | CW 110 | GW 110-100 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 04:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ifnd/im_fucking_done_with_eating/

[Rant/Rave] Bf's parents are so much nicer than mine
/u/cozyday [5'5"| CW: 123.8 | 19.9 | F22]
Created: Mon Mar 19 04:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85iche/bfs_parents_are_so_much_nicer_than_mine/
So I've been with my bf for almost 2 years and only spoke to his parents few times (we live in a different city as students during the week), but they are so damn nice! His mom is such a kind and considerate lady. She would often bake something for him to take with and since she knows I try to watch what I eat she often makes some whole grain, low to no sugar muffins or cookies that are so low calorie I can actually eat them (she doesn't know about my ED of course, she's just nice).
His dad is a classic joker kind of dad, but still very kind and always willing to help with anything! They really do sound like a perfect family.

The thing is, my family is not like this. My dad is a horrible person, probably with many mental issues that he takes on other people. He is just an overall bad person that completely ruins our family's dynamics. He would often leave for few days without explanation and he is also very violent (rarely, but its there).
It's just so weird for me seeing such a functional family for a change.

I'm feeling anxious knowing that one day he will have to interact with my family. I don't want to merge the two worlds. I feel so good with him and although I like my family, it's probably the reason for many issues I have, including my ED.

I don't really know what I wanted to achieve with this post. I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry if the thoughts are all over the place.

[Rant/Rave] "I don't have to tie them when I wear them"
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | ~118 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 03:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85i97l/i_dont_have_to_tie_them_when_i_wear_them/
So, I've been wearing my bf's pajamas today, and had them tied relatively "tight" because I find it comfortable sometimes (unlike any other piece of clothing when it comes to the ED lol). He went to pull them down in a silly manner and couldn't get them to go down due to how they were tied. He went on to asking if I tie them tight to feel skinny (he loves my body and has told me I am actually getting too skinny so it wasn't a comment like "you are not skinny like you want to think"). He said he doesn't have to tie them when he wears them, and that I can cut off circulation. I don't know if this is ridiculous, but it really got to me. I have a thin waist (wish it were thinner) and it's the only thing I've ever naturally been proud of in regards to my weight, so to hear those comments made me feel sensitive about my weight (which he says needs to come up, no more restricting, he won't be with someone with that mentality but I understand) and stomach (the one spot I never seem to see as "complete", never skinny enough). I know he didn't mean anything bad

[Rant/Rave] Therapist rant
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 03:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85i41k/therapist_rant/
I have two therapists, one from my college and one from an ED clinic I'm going to. I absolutely love the one from my college. She's one of the most kind, empathetic people I've met. She knows how to say the truth as she sees it but still allows me room to feel my feelings and have right to defend and keep my own thoughts.

So needless to say, the rant is about the one at my clinic. I've thought about it for a while, and I just don't know how to make it work. One of the big issues I have with her is that she doesn't seem to have any interest in actually doing anything for me outside of a class she put me in, which didn't really help me in any meaningful way. She's outright admitted to not really wanting to work as a therapist for me, but still wants me to make appointments with her so she can track how I'm doing. So our appointments usually don't even do anything. She doesn't tell me how she thinks I'm doing, or gives me any insight into what might help me. Another big thing happened at the class she put me in, another one of her clients was talking about how one of her goals for therapy was to be more independent, which she said was counterintuitive at the time and the therapist knew it. The therapist's response was to outright lie to her and tell her she was going to help her do so. I'm frustrated with this because now I'm not even sure if I can trust anything she would say anyway. I had really hoped that because she was a professional with experience with EDs that this would be a lot more helpful than it seems to be shaping up to be. I have a hard time describing exactly what I feel is going wrong though.

I think the main issue is that I don't trust her, and the fact that she admitted to lying to her clients makes me not sure if I'll be able to. The other issue is that I don't feel as if I'm being treated as an individual. I feel as if she heard "restriction" immediately paired it with anorexia and now I'm being treated as a disorder not a person. If that makes any sense. I'm aware that just because I feel a certain way doesn't make it true, but I don't feel like I'm getting much reason to think any differently than I am :(

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. And to anyone who actually reads this.

[Rant/Rave] Wish I was there already
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:252|CW:227| GW:112| HW:294| 27F]
Created: Mon Mar 19 02:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85i12m/wish_i_was_there_already/
I haven't been on Facebook for months, it was wasting too much of my time and I just stopped using it BUT today I checked it and people have put up "memories" which is pictures from this day so many years ago and OMG I AM SO EMBARRASSED. I look horrific! Face shots aren't so bad but body shots?! 😑😞

So I thought I'd check out my profile to see any recently tagged pictures to make me feel better and even though I'm not so.... Round? I'm still fuckin horrific! I just wish I was at my GW right now 😭

I hate being so huge. I've ALWAYS been massive and feel like I always WILL be. I stopped binging and I've went from 247 to 224 since mid January and I just wish I was able to go quicker. I want to see more results now!

Sorry for the rant. Just feeling so deflated right now 😖

[Help] Going grocery shopping
Created: Mon Mar 19 02:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85hv4i/going_grocery_shopping/
Idk what to buy someone suggest things for me

Xanax and Loss of Appetite?
/u/Feelgoodfood [5'0 | CW 98 | GW 77 | -2]
Created: Mon Mar 19 02:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85hutu/xanax_and_loss_of_appetite/
I've just been put on xanax and I feel like my appetite has decreased tremendously. I've been on other anti-depressants/anxiety meds before such as prozac, mirtazapine, ambien, valium to name a few but this is the first type of medication to have caused a severe loss of appetite.

Has anyone experienced this before?

[Rant/Rave] I don't know what I want from my SO.
/u/manateens [5'4 20F | 150 / UGW 98 | BMI27]
Created: Mon Mar 19 00:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85hgtb/i_dont_know_what_i_want_from_my_so/
he tries so hard to be supportive but just...isn't getting it. It makes me want to just not talk to him about it, but I can't afford therapy either, and my best friend has eating issues of her own

I opened up and told him I've been purging last week. He gets concerned for a while, but then the last few days I've tried talking to him about my body dysmorphia and how fat I look and feel despite weight loss - and I guess I wanted confirmation that it's in my head. Instead he suggests we go to the gym. And my fucked up brain interprets that to "he thinks I'm fat and need to exercise more because I'm a disgusting pig." Instead of what I know was his intention of trying to support me. I just stopped talking and changed subjects and waited til he fell asleep to cry.

He supports me eating 500kcal/day. He supports my fasting. He gets me glasses of water when I purge and picks up bronkaid and caffeine pills at the store and eats most meals without me in the room and goes to get fast food for me to purge and it's all so supportive and he's trying everything he knows how and outwardly I try to be appreciative but inside it hurts.

I feel so shitty. I don't even know what I want him to be doing in response. He goes along with my shitty habits as if they're healthy and okay and then I second guess myself that maybe it's just not drastic enough, that I can't possibly have an ED at this weight, that maybe he'll stop encouraging me to restrict if I'm thin. But he's literally supporting everything I ask him to support. Fuck. When did I turn into such a manipulative asshole.

[Rant/Rave] I can't believe that I just ate an entire fucking pint of Halo Top
/u/wednesdayschild_ [5'3" | CW: No idea | BMI: Too scared to know | WL: Not enough]
Created: Sun Mar 18 23:34:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85h7bu/i_cant_believe_that_i_just_ate_an_entire_fucking/

[Help] binged yesterday, feel disgusting
Created: Sun Mar 18 23:20:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85h4u3/binged_yesterday_feel_disgusting/

[Help] Study Abroad in China
/u/EmilysButt [5'11" | Too Much | ): | -8 | 22F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 23:14:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85h3ya/study_abroad_in_china/
I'm going on a three week trip to China this summer with a school led trip, starting May 15. I can't even look forward to it despite it being something I truly wanted because I'm freaking out about eating. I've been eating next to nothing for 2 months and I'm so scared of gaining all the weight I've lost back. My flair is incorrect, I've lost 15 now but can't update it on mobile. A lot of the meals for this trip are family style so at least I'll have control of serving size, but I have to keep up the illusion of me being a normal eater or I could be sent back early or something, and I'll be around my peers constantly.

Anyways, what I'm asking is, has anyone been to China and how did you cope with the food? Has anyone been in a similar situation and can help me out? I'm freaking out. I need advice, please.

[Rant/Rave] Bought a new digital bathroom scale. Says I weigh 4 more pounds than what my old analog one told me.
Created: Sun Mar 18 22:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85gz4n/bought_a_new_digital_bathroom_scale_says_i_weigh/
Kill me. 🙃

[Help] Advice for college with an ed
Created: Sun Mar 18 22:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85gy6x/advice_for_college_with_an_ed/
I won’t go too far into this other than the fact that I’m a junior in college, I’ve had bulimia since the start of my freshman year. I also recently found out I have bipolar and am terrified of taking meds for anything. My grades have gone to shit and I’m so so worried. I don’t care about anything other than losing and maintaining my weight. I’m also terrified of moving back home to live with my parents and not be doing anything with my life other than working (probably a serving job) and likely going to IOP. My family just keeps reminding me that I might lose my scholarship if I take a semester off (and that I’d be mad at myself for leaving and probably throwing up more anyway lol thanks Mom). My friends are very worried and telling me to take some time off. I feel like the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is that I know college isn’t forever and I can graduate and get a job then live a boring life in peace away from this stressful environment.

Basically what I want to hear is students: did you just buckle down and suffer through it doing the bare minimum you could handle? Do you regret not taking a semester off or not getting more out of school? Or if you did take time off, was it a positive decision? I’m just really overwhelmed and feel like I’m about to break. I want to hear from people who get it.

[Other] Relative died. Funeral is tomorrow. Could use some support.
/u/VelvetMermaid [5'4 | CW + BMI: too high | GW: Never enough | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 22:21:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85guph/relative_died_funeral_is_tomorrow_could_use_some/
This is going to be long. Sorry.

At the start of this month, my great-aunt (my mother's aunt) peacefully passed away after a long battle with COPD. We were extremely close. I visited her in her nursing home several times so I know she was being well looked after, and the nurses treated her with kindness.

We had snow here and that day and night, it was especially bad. Her bed faced the window and she could see the outside, which she loved. I like to think she saw the snow before she died.

I haven't really talked to many people I know about this because it's a foreign concept given how many people either don't have a great-aunt, aren't close to theirs, or don't know them at all.

My girlfriend has been amazing but I haven't even spoken to her much about this because I'm too scared to open up despite the amount of support she's given. I don't want to put too much on her either, especially as we haven't been together long.

Anyway, the funeral is tomorrow (it's Monday here in the UK so tomorrow is Tuesday) and one of my cousins is tall and thin. I'm convinced she's underweight, whereas I'm overweight. I don't see her often but whenever I do, I find myself wishing I had her body. Everything fits her flawlessly. I look huge in comparison. I don't mind my height at all but ugh I'm forever comparing myself to her.

I won't be eating during the reception after the service and burial for reasons but I'll be trying to drown myself in alcohol as much as I can get away with given my parents aren't drinkers and I technically shouldn't drink. Nice one, self.

I don't know how I'll cope with all this. I can't even cry. I cried when I found out but after that, no real tears. I'm completely heartbroken and numb. I know the fact she's gone will truly sink in tomorrow and I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with it.

Dignity is overrated. Let’s get gross.
Created: Sun Mar 18 21:46:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85go3f/dignity_is_overrated_lets_get_gross/
Can we talk about co-occurring shit the universe (or tbh ourselves) is putting us through? Like, as if I don’t have enough going on with the starving and puking and obsessing, thanks universe, I definitely needed a herpes outbreak **and** whats probably a haemorrhoid.

*Why, body? I treat you so well!*

Edit: sorry admin, on mobile, very definitely a rant

[Help] Is it a good idea to talk to my counselor?
Created: Sun Mar 18 21:35:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85glvw/is_it_a_good_idea_to_talk_to_my_counselor/
I kinda wanna talk about my struggles with my counselor that I go to every week at school. I think she'll tell my mom though and I don't want her to be worried or disappointed

[Discussion] If your period went wonky, what did it take?
Created: Sun Mar 18 21:35:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85glui/if_your_period_went_wonky_what_did_it_take/
In terms of time, or behaviour, or lb?

I’ve relapsed pretty bad month with restricting, some purging, and a loooooot of appetite-suppressing caffeine. I’m my lowest adult weight, and size 2/XS clothes are getting loose.

As much as getting my period sucks (hello, gender dysphoria), it being late is worse.

On mobile, tag as discussion

[Help] WOW
Created: Sun Mar 18 21:19:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85giva/wow/

Best low calorie foods to eat
Created: Sun Mar 18 21:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85gia6/best_low_calorie_foods_to_eat/

[Other] Me v Him; eating out while restricting reax
Created: Sun Mar 18 20:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85gd8g/me_v_him_eating_out_while_restricting_reax/

[Rant/Rave] New job, can't cope
/u/til_wednesday [5'8" | CW: 115 lbs | GW: 99 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 20:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85g9tv/new_job_cant_cope/
So I went from working as a hostess in a restaurant to working at a coffee shop because I was tired of working 6 days a week and double shifts on top of being a high school student.

I started this week, however, it's been... difficult, to say the least.

I worked with two other people tonight, I'll call them M (female shift leader, 19) and N (male who's been working for a month, 18)

So N was bossing me around, teaching me how to do cut work in the kitchen and would be so damn condescending whenever I made a mistake.

Then he would disappear on me so I couldn't find him and had no idea what to do next.

M came over to check on me and said I needed to speed it up and I had "plenty of time" to do my cut work, even though I had no idea what to do since N would go AWOL.

It's also stressful because M talked about how I was so pretty (really just because I'm blonde and spend 30 minutes on makeup every day), that I would bring in a lot of regulars and get a lot of tips.

Surely the amount of regulars and tip money would lessen the more I recovered and the more I gained.

I can't just quit because that would prove I'm a big fat baby who can't handle criticism and pressure, plus I really like avoiding meals with my mom and earning money on top of that.

With the stress and expectations I place on myself with working, I guess I just need to go back to restricting again to give me some semblance of control.

Here I go again.

[Tip] unsweetened vanilla almond milk + spenda 30cals per cup yw
/u/lead-by-example [6’0 191 gw178 | m32]
Created: Sun Mar 18 19:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85g1a2/unsweetened_vanilla_almond_milk_spenda_30cals_per/
hits the sugar craving so good and staves off so many binges

[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this to myself???
Created: Sun Mar 18 19:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85g171/why_do_i_do_this_to_myself/

[Rant/Rave] About to have a panic attack about ice cream
Created: Sun Mar 18 19:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85fz0k/about_to_have_a_panic_attack_about_ice_cream/
(Sorry if this post is rule breaking in any way I'm genuinely losing my mind rn)

Ah after a great day of eating nothing and doing really great and feeling really good I have a small dinner which definitely at the time felt horrible and disgusting but t know I just thought "hey pal it's okay that's still like... way less than a person should eat don't beat yourself up!" And yknow what for the first time ever that actually made me feel a bit less horrible and I got over it!

But then my dad invited me out for a drive in his new car and at the end we stopped at am oberweis (ice cream place) and I didn't want to get caught lmao so I fucking ordered the smallest size of the sundae he got and yall it's over 1200 kcal I just checked and I honestly just want to run outside and purge while he's in the bathroom. I can't fucking do this. I'm already starting to shake and I'm counting the fucking seconds for how long it's been since I ate that shit. I feel so fucking disgusting right now and I'm so sorry for this incoherent post but I don't know how to console myself this time.

[Discussion] How's your sleep?
/u/antelsa [5'11" | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 19:23:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85fugj/hows_your_sleep/
Hi, everyone.

Before this whole mess started, I was a really heavy sleeper. As in, literally-slept-through-a-fire alarm and regularly slept for 11 hours straight sort of sleeper. Since I've lost weight though, it feels like my brain sets an alarm clock in my head for reaaaaallll early on days when I don't get enough food. Has this happened to anyone else?

How have your eating patterns affected your sleep? How have you improved the quality of your sleep?

Oh, and any big meal is also now equivalent to a fat sleeping pill, lol.

[Rant/Rave] Two weeks without a binge then today happened 🙃
/u/queenofflavortown [5'0"|CW 149lbs|HW 175|GW 120|F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 19:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85fsbh/two_weeks_without_a_binge_then_today_happened/
I am so upset with myself. Yesterday was definitely a day where I overate but I was still slightly under my TDEE so I tried not to be too sad but today was just a complete fucking wash (over 3,000 cals which I haven’t done in over two weeks) and I am so disappointed in myself. I know it’s just a little bump in the road compared to all the “good” days but still. So disgusted, ugh.

[Discussion] I have 190 calories for dinner, food recommendations?
Created: Sun Mar 18 18:41:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85fli8/i_have_190_calories_for_dinner_food/

[Discussion] You know you have a problem when
Created: Sun Mar 18 18:32:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85fjgx/you_know_you_have_a_problem_when/
Eating at your BMR feels like a binge. I had 1250 calories today, 300 under my TDEE, and I feel like garbage. I honestly don’t know how I used to eat like this every day.

[Rant/Rave] Can we rant about cellulite??
/u/Ep1cDuCK [5'7.5" | CW: 105 lbs | BMI 16.2 | ]
Created: Sun Mar 18 18:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85fee3/can_we_rant_about_cellulite/
I'm 15 pounds underweight and I go to the gym 4 times per week and I still have cellulite on my ass!!! Honestly makes me want to fucking cry. I always plateau at this weight because I just find it really hard to eat less than I already am.

I hate myself for feeling this way, but to make matters worse: my friend who is overweight and stuffs her face with whatever she wants has a cellulite free ass! It feels so unfair.

Anybody else here struggling with cellulite? Does anyone have any tips (anecdotal or literature supported are both welcome!) on how to get rid of it?

[Discussion] Anyone else left without treatment options because they're on Medicaid?
Created: Sun Mar 18 17:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85f77n/anyone_else_left_without_treatment_options/

[Help] My boyfriend found out I purged today...
Created: Sun Mar 18 17:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85f5ps/my_boyfriend_found_out_i_purged_today/
and now he’s giving me the ultimatum between recovery (eating 1600 calories a day and not purging) and not being with him. This seems super unfair to me and I’m really pissed off about it. Please rant with me.

I have sent him an article and a picture of how to support people with EDs that specifically says don’t force them to eat or force recovery on them. He says he’s going to read them. Anything else to send his way?

Update: He read the resources and ended up making a report card for himself: https://imgur.com/a/WvyyF
I ultimately think that he thought he was doing the right thing, I don't think he was trying to be an asshole. We'll see how things go...

[Help] Help me make a list of vegan, low-carb, non-processed, foods!
Created: Sun Mar 18 17:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85f3vr/help_me_make_a_list_of_vegan_lowcarb_nonprocessed/
I try googling but results are everywhere or have limited lists of like 7 things.

I feel guilty eating meat and animal products. I'm going to fast for an extended period of time, then after try to introduce "healthy" foods. I want to stick to keto/low-carb as well for the most part.

Is kimchi and olive oil considered processed?

-Olive Oil
-Certain nuts
-Brussel Sprouts
-Coconut Oil
-Almond Milk??

I love beans and sweet potatoes for the fiber and vitamins so it sucks but maybe I'll leave those for a carb feed day once in a blue moon.

[Rant/Rave] why am i so fucking useless at restricting
/u/TinManOz [5'10"|CW: ~190|GW: 170|UGW: 120|pre-hrt trans girl]
Created: Sun Mar 18 17:21:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85f39b/why_am_i_so_fucking_useless_at_restricting/

[Discussion] Has it ever been determined how accurate the Fitbit calorie tracker is?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Sun Mar 18 16:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85et86/has_it_ever_been_determined_how_accurate_the/
I get such a wide variation with TDEE calculators so I was hoping my Fitbit would give me a more accurate idea. Based on what I’ve read, some people say they’re very accurate, others disagree so I’ve never really gone by that. When I heard it could overestimate, I stopped wearing it. But if it is pretty accurate, by our ED brain standards, I want to start using it again.

What’s your experience with this? If it’s inaccurate, is it by lot or is it close enough?

[Other] Today I walked 10 miles & then ate a pint of ice cream
Created: Sun Mar 18 16:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85eq0w/today_i_walked_10_miles_then_ate_a_pint_of_ice/

[Help] I just asked my mom to get help, but I don't feel like I deserve it.
Created: Sun Mar 18 16:24:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85eps0/i_just_asked_my_mom_to_get_help_but_i_dont_feel/

What are your best strategies for getting off the binge-related water weight?
/u/UnrecoverableFuss [5'4 | GW 115 | CW 152 | HW/LW 198/98 | 28F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 16:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85em2a/what_are_your_best_strategies_for_getting_off_the/
I'm just off of an awful 3-day binge as of 12pm today, and I have to be weighed at a Dr's appointment tomorrow. I have asked if I can be weighed backwards before, and they are awful and rude about it. I know I will flip out if I see the 10 pounds of water weight I probably gained. I know how silly this sounds since I am admitting myself that I know it's water weight, but I'd like to see as low a number as possible tomorrow.

Already cutting carbs and chugging H2O. What are you best tips for getting water weight off? Bonus points for harm reduction/healthy strategies...not down for the laxatives/diuretics, thanks.

[Help] Going to a buffet tonight. Tell me how much to eat :)
/u/ThermalAnvil [20 lbs lost]
Created: Sun Mar 18 16:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85el1g/going_to_a_buffet_tonight_tell_me_how_much_to_eat/

Anybody else 5’2”/157cm? What’s your current weight and UGW? What is your TDEE?
Created: Sun Mar 18 16:04:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ekxo/anybody_else_52157cm_whats_your_current_weight/

[Discussion] Anyone have a macro/micro nutrient that you loathe?
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | CW: 125 | GW: 116 | 21F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 15:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85eihe/anyone_have_a_macromicro_nutrient_that_you_loathe/
Right now mine is protein. It's ironic because I used to be keto. But now the foods I've chosen to eat all have low protein, and I'm not eating enough of them to get a decent amount.

It's just annoying because everyday I have to eat something that I don't really want because I need to get in protein.

I typically end up with tuna or yogurt bc of protein per calorie, but ugh it always feels unfair.

[Discussion] Question time!
Created: Sun Mar 18 15:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85efi8/question_time/
I always find it interesting to ask the ed community on different platforms this: how do you feel about Eugenia Cooney?

[Help] surgery gave me stretch marks?
/u/corianich [5’9 | 57kg | BMI 18.5 | 16F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 15:41:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ef8a/surgery_gave_me_stretch_marks/
i feel so disgusting, i LOOK so disgusting

it’s bad enough that my tummy swelled up so much after the operation that i look pregnant but now i’ve just noticed what i’m fairly certain are stretch marks

i mean, i’m not 100% sure but i’m at least 90% sure and it scares me so much, i can’t have these marks, i really can’t

how do i get rid of them? can i get rid of them? the swelling was finally starting to stop and i thought this might be the end of it and i’d stop feeling so dysmorphic but nuh uh!

oh god i don’t want to eat for the next two weeks, i’m just gonna hope this is all a bad dream and the light is playing tricks on my eyes and when i wake up tomorrow morning there’ll be nothing there

[Discussion] Anyone else compare themselves to their boyfriends?
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 157 | GW 123 | -30 lbs | 24F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 15:16:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85e9h2/anyone_else_compare_themselves_to_their_boyfriends/
I made my boyfriend weigh himself and found out I’m only 2 pounds lighter. He really didn’t want to but I was super persistent.

I also freak out when I have breakfast and he doesn’t, because he’s a GUY and he’s supposed to eat more. He works in construction so I just never understand how he eats less than me. He’ll go like all day without eating and not even notice. Meanwhile I’m just obsessing about food allll day. I even calculate his calorie intake to figure out if he’s eating less than me, but he usually ends up eating big meals and coming up over.

I just wanna be light and smaller than him. We’re the same height so I feel like I have to lose at least 20 pounds.

[Discussion] Lost over 10lbs but I still look fat
Created: Sun Mar 18 14:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85dxso/lost_over_10lbs_but_i_still_look_fat/
Hi, I’m new here usually I just lurk cause I’m kinda shy but I really need some feedback to my concerns that come from people who understand. For some background information, my starting weight was 118 and I am 4’11. I am extremely bottom heavy. I look like when squidward had too many crabby patties. I’m currently 100lbs but I have lost almost no weight in my bottom half. I can see my ribs and my hip bones but my thighs remain jiggly as ever. My ultimate goal weight is 90lbs but I’m scared my thighs will still be huge. I keep comparing my self to Ariana Grande cause she’s a similar height but even though I weigh less then her I look fat and she’s really skinny. I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been restricting for a while now(messed up on vacation though), on a good day I eat 350 calories and on a bad I eat 500. Has anyone had experience with this and how did you lose weight in your target area? Please, I’m on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

[Help] Vyvanse isn't helping with hunger, if anything it's making it worse? Am I doing something wrong?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 14:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85dwv7/vyvanse_isnt_helping_with_hunger_if_anything_its/
On my second day of 30 mg of prescribed vyvanse and heard it's supposed to help with hunger, but I actually feel much hungrier than normal? Doesn't seem to do anything other than give a bit of energy. I'm still eating the same amount I always do, so not trying to fast at this point, so I'm not sure what's up. Anyone else use it and how do you get it to work for you?

[Discussion] And we're back! And back again!
/u/ratorture [5'10 | 135 | 18.8| Perpetual Recovery|]
Created: Sun Mar 18 14:18:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85durl/and_were_back_and_back_again/
DAE feel like their ED is a switch they can't control? I've done the recovery/relapse flip flop 3 times now, and I've noticed that nothing triggers me when I'm solidly recovered. I can manage my thoughts, I can bounce back when I have a bad day. But when I'm relapsing, I'm relapsing. Every habit, every thought, every behaviour is back, and it's not budging. It's like something flips and suddenly I'm happily restricting again, genuinely disgusted by my fear foods again, and my healthy-self is gone. I'm worried that my lack of control means some day I'll get stuck on the wrong side ... which side that is, I don't know lol. I guess nothing about mental illness makes sense, but sometimes I feel alone in how very crazy I am... over here with no will of my own or explanation for my behaviour.

[Help] I really, really need help
Created: Sun Mar 18 14:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85drn6/i_really_really_need_help/
Last night i lost all control and could not stop eating. It was like I was in a fucking trance and the whole time I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. Then I did my best to throw it up but it was mostly bread stuff so I couldn’t get most of it up.
It was so traumatic for me, I was crying and shaking and I had to leave work and call out today. I came over to my bf’s and he knew something was up bc I left work but I can’t fucking find the words to tell him what’s going on. I tried but nothing comes out, and I know that even if I tell him he won’t understand. Then he will be judging everything I eat or if I’m not eating. I can’t have him constantly analyzing how I am eating.
I feel like I am at a place where I can’t go back. I can never be normal again, I am so fucking low that it sounds so appealing just to end it. I won’t bc I know this will pass but it is on my mind.
I need help so badly but I can’t afford therapy. I just tried to text the crisis hotline and called the hopeline I think it is called and it felt like they didn’t even want to be talking. I need help right now I can’t sit like this by myself, and calling that number was like my last resort and now I feel like I really have no where to go. Everything feels so hopeless and I can’t do this.

[Help] Sick After Eating
Created: Sun Mar 18 13:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85do84/sick_after_eating/

How do people eat without counting calories and not get fat?
/u/tinybabybear [5'6" | CW:133 | GW:115 | 22F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 13:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85dnga/how_do_people_eat_without_counting_calories_and/
If I try to eat “normally” I gain weight. If I count calories I can maintain or lose. But how the FUCK do people just eat three meals a day without counting and not get fat?

I used to eat normally and not gain weight, back when I was 12 or 13. But ever since I started noticing my body it’s like I have to be a food nazi just so I won’t balloon up. Is my body just broken??

[Discussion] What's the most stubborn part of your body?
/u/limelightwithyou [5'2 | 93.4 | 17.1 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 13:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85dnen/whats_the_most_stubborn_part_of_your_body/
My legs and thighs, no matter how much I restrict and exercise, are always massive compared to the rest of me :(

[Intro] New user.
Created: Sun Mar 18 13:47:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85dmw8/new_user/
Hey, I’m Silene. Just wanted to introduce myself. I always look for the ed community in whatever new platform I find for some reason. I love this subreddit so far and would love to make a few friends along the way. I’m 21, I love cats and I love tattoos and piercings. Tell me something cool about you? I’m an ordained minister. Haha.

[Help] I broke my Bf's couch-but didn't kill myself...yet (Trigger warning)
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0|BMI:104.3|SW:285|CW:230|GW:75|FtM]
Created: Sun Mar 18 13:30:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85diif/i_broke_my_bfs_couchbut_didnt_kill_myselfyet/

[Other] I built a better LoserTown/New BMI Calculator
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | 142 | 20.9 | -21 | 24]
Created: Sun Mar 18 13:23:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85dgsa/i_built_a_better_losertownnew_bmi_calculator/
tl;dr: LoserTown is a pain to use on mobile and I hate having to re-input all my stats every time I use it, which is near-daily at this point.

I built an alternative that's mobile-friendly and saves your data so all you need to change when you come back is your current weight and intake (if it's changed).

You can try it at [justcico.com](http://justcico.com).


If anyone's curious how it works, the equation used to predict TDEE is from ["A new predictive equation for resting energy expenditure in healthy individuals." by Mifflin MD, St Jeor ST, Hill LA, Scott BJ, Daugherty SA, Koh YO \(1990\)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2305711).

It takes your current weight, intake, TDEE, and calculates the new values for each day based on your projected loss, so that your TDEE is always accurate for your "new" weight.

If you have any feature requests or suggestions let me know. I might add a setting to control the interval for the predictions table so that it instead shows e.g. 3 days at a time instead of a week like it does now.

For the privacy-conscious out there, no data is collected - that was the other thing I didn't like about LoserTown! No need for someone else to know my weight when it can all be calculated on your own computer!

[Discussion] ed & relationships
/u/swanstav [5'3 | 91lbs |BMI:16 | GW:85 |]
Created: Sun Mar 18 12:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85d9pp/ed_relationships/
how many of you are in long term relationships ? How do you make it work ? Do you tell them about it constantly or try to hold off ?
having an ed has put so much strain in my relationship, wondering how others go about this.

[Rant/Rave] my mom is catching on
/u/antha19 [5'6"| cw: 152lbs | bmi:24.63 | female]
Created: Sun Mar 18 12:53:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85d96d/my_mom_is_catching_on/
last night, she and i were having dinner at a restaurant we used to frequent, where we would order ourselves a bunch of different stuff to share. that was before my ed kicked in. so back to the story, all i had planned on eating was their salad (which is my absolute fav) and whatever she felt like eating, just for the sake of being inconspicuous. she ended up ordering a 4 cheese pizza (140 cals/slice) which was NOT ok as i had been encroaching my calorie limit for the day. i hesitantly took two slices, and she chided me on how little i ate, eventually saying, and i quote: "don't you dare go anorexic on me, i'll kick your ass and force feed you until you snap out of it" so....... i think i'll be declining any and all future dinner invites from her until she forgets.

[Discussion] March 18th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 12:50:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85d8ee/march_18th_2018_question_of_the_day/
In 3 words, describe your spirituality.

[Rant/Rave] I only ever like my ED if I'm restricting
/u/ImNotaTreeImaShrub [5"5' | CW 173 (-27lbs) | BMI 28.8 | LW/UGW 115LBS | 32F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 11:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85cqtc/i_only_ever_like_my_ed_if_im_restricting/
The past week I haven't been able to eat under 800 cals a day. I binged and purged yesterday and today I still have the most insane urge to binge. So I'm trying so hard to just eat more today and keep it down because I *know* the only way to stop binging is to eat more even if just for a bit. But it's so fucking hard. When I restrict I feel good and clean and in control. When I'm in a binge purge cycle I feel disgusting. It's bullshit.

[Rant/Rave] Watched American Pie With My Boyfriend Last Night
Created: Sun Mar 18 11:29:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85co7x/watched_american_pie_with_my_boyfriend_last_night/

[Help] Gas and bloating while restricting?
Created: Sun Mar 18 11:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85clx9/gas_and_bloating_while_restricting/
Does anyone else get major Gas, and incredibly bloated while restricting or even when they're hungry for too long? it's probably one of the things that bothers me the most and is the hardest to deal with-its supremely uncomfortable. I find it doesn't happen if I'm moving around though, only when I'm sitting around a lot

[Rant/Rave] Do you ever feel paralyzed by choice
Created: Sun Mar 18 11:18:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85cldu/do_you_ever_feel_paralyzed_by_choice/
Oftentimes whenever I'm confronted with the choice of buying food I won't be able to make a decision. I'll be in a cafe or grocery store just staring at everything just feeling like there's so many options but the best one would be to not buy anything at all.

It's the same when I wake up in the morning and I'm just terrified of eating because everything I eat means I have less that I'm allowed to eat afterwards. Like if I ate 300 calories of eggs that's 300 calories that I can't have again. I'm just so scared and the safest option just seems like to not eat anything at all, even when I'm so fatigued that making the bed takes all of my energy and is a bit too much for me.

[Rant/Rave] I miss my boobs
Created: Sun Mar 18 11:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ckw0/i_miss_my_boobs/
I'm having a weird moment this morning. I was weighting myself and as I peered over my ponch I took a long moment to really realize what happened to my boobs.

I used to have great tits, or at least other people seemed to think so. I'd get slightly uncomfortable but self esteem boosting complements on them from time to time. I used to wear pretty bras. My partners always seems to enjoy them and touching them and touching me.

Now they just sit there like some vestigial growth from when my species used to be happy. One always used to be a little bigger but it never bothered me but now it's very noticeable. They hang off me like two half deflated hand blown balloons taped the the wall of an office party.

I love the look of small boobs, it's what I'm personally attracted to but my past lifestyle booted that possibility out of my life.

So I suppose I'm nostalgic about my body. Looking back on the bad times but only seeing the good in that one part of me.

/rant I guess.

[Help] Tips for a 500 cal diet?
Created: Sun Mar 18 11:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85cj9w/tips_for_a_500_cal_diet/

[Rant/Rave] Why can't i just eat normally?
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:54:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85cfqq/why_cant_i_just_eat_normally/
this is just a low tier rant, but im tired, hungover, and hungry as hell but all i could stomach was half of a black iced coffee. my boyfriend invited me to eat breakfast, and i just couldn't do it. i saw a post on snapchat of a friend at denny's and i lost it, the anxiety overwhelmed me. i wanna enjoy food again but i just cant??? why am i like this, nobody wants to do anything with me now, because all anyone wants to do is eat, and all of my new clothes i bought 3 weeks ago are too big on me. im just tired, but i cant stop

[Rant/Rave] Morning rant before I start my day
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85cevk/morning_rant_before_i_start_my_day/

[Rant/Rave] Things people have said
/u/fatchanceforthin-ice [5’6 | 113.6 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85ce8y/things_people_have_said/
Things people have said that probably meant nothing, but I have spent years over-thinking them:

My doctor in high school taking my weight and saying I’m slightly underweight, but it looks good on me

My mom telling me my butt is getting big

My mom patting my belly as a child and telling me I was a chunk

Maddie, from high school, telling me my boobs were only big because I’m fat

My ex buying me a size large shirt

Anyone want to add anything?

[Rant/Rave] We all deserve empathy and kindness
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:45:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85cdp9/we_all_deserve_empathy_and_kindness/
I’ve read a lot of negativity in this sub today (which is unusual as this sub tends to be incredibly supportive), and I just want to remind everyone (including myself) that we’re all struggling, and we all deserve empathy and kindness. We deserve to feel empathy and be kind to others and to ourselves, which can be very difficult. I try my absolute best not to be judgmental of others, but I still struggle to be kind to myself. That’s something I need to work on, and that’s okay. None of us are perfect, but we can all strive to be kinder, more empathetic people. I hope everyone has a good day, and I hope all of us can do something nice for ourselves today, because we all deserve it.

[Rant/Rave] I ate 1400 calories a day for a week.
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:31:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85caed/i_ate_1400_calories_a_day_for_a_week/
I'm back on this sub after avoiding it for the past week. I've been wanting to check if I have a thyroid problem, so I decided to eat 1400 calories a day for a week to see whether I gain real weight. My reasoning was that 1400 calories is my BMR so if I gain real weight on it, then my BMR is 900 calories, as I average that amount per day a week and have been maintaining for WEEKS.

Guys, it's so hard guys. It's so, so hard. I'm emotionally wrecked. I can't bring myself to eat high calorie foods, so I constantly ate low calorie snacks to reach a 1400 calories. I've never felt like such a disgusting slob in my life.

Today is the last day I am supposed to eat like this, and this morning my weight was up about 3 kilos from normal, so I am super worried that my BMR really is 900 calories and I just set myself backwards by stuffing my fat Face for a week. My plan is to eat normally (restrict) for the next week and see if my weight stays the same or moves lower.

I'm so utterly terrified I do have a thyroid problem because it takes my illusion of control out of my life. I will no longer be restricting because I choose to, I will be restricting because I have to to maintain, not even lose. And gaining weight is eventual because bmr decreases every few years.

If my weight doesn't go down, I'll do a blood test and if it turns out I do have a thyroid problem, I'm not sure if I even want to live anymore.

[Other] Do yall have an ED instagram?
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85c9df/do_yall_have_an_ed_instagram/

[Rant/Rave] Here we go again
/u/fatchanceforthin-ice [5’6 | 113.6 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 10:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85c75x/here_we_go_again/
It was only a few months ago that I was obsessing over my weight and got down to 105. It’s an amazing feeling to see that on the scale. My boyfriend touched my ribs and my hip bones. When he would touch my spine, I would always wonder if it was a touch of admiration or worry. I have never felt so beautiful as I did at 105. My legs were thin and beautiful and you could tell by the looks on women’s faces that they admired my body. Maybe they were even jealous.

But I was mean. I was a bitch to everyone. I would judge everyone eating and think about how many calories they were eating, and how good I was by comparison for not giving in and allowing myself to be so gluttonous. I would look at other women’s arms with disgust and think to myself, mine will never be that way because I don’t indulge the way you do. I could sense that other women felt intimidated by the way I would look at their bodies. In reality, I was envious of them for being able to eat whatever they want and still feel comfortable with their own body.

I became very sickly. The color of my face was quite washed out, any type of exercise felt extremely strenuous, and I felt that I needed 10+ hours of sleep each night just to function. One day I decided to go for a jog, and I just couldn’t do it. I began vomiting after a mile or two and became extremely weak. That’s when I knew that I had taken things too far, and I needed to recover. At first, it wasn’t easy... but then it was. After about a month I was eating whatever I wanted. Bags of chips, brownies, tons of candy. I would eat every time I was hungry, and I would eat past the point of being full. And then I started seeing the weight.

117.6. I got all the way up to that number on the scale after a few short months of eating and eating and eating. And I felt like I let everyone down. My boyfriend didn’t touch my bones anymore. Sometimes I would eat more than him and feel very judged by him for that. I felt hideous and disgusting and I imagined myself getting bigger and bigger to the point where I was the jiggly-armed woman.

So last week I put my foot down. And here I am. Down to 113ish this morning. And after typing this I am realizing how irrational it is to be obsessed with 10 pounds but you know what? Those 10 pounds make a world of difference on my body.

Why am I this way. Why do I hate myself so much. Why do I put myself through this.

Thanks for reading my rant.

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Do stats even mean anything? Who else compares theirs to celebrities?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2" | 45kg/99lbs | 18.95 | GW 43/95lbs]
Created: Sun Mar 18 09:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85c1ah/rant_do_stats_even_mean_anything_who_else/
I found out today that Ariana grande is the same height as me, ive never been a huge fan of her music but always thought she looked really good. So naturally i google her stats... lo and behold i weigh less than her, and yet somehow I look nowhere near as good or thin.

Am I just cursed with fucked up gnome like proportions that will look stocky even if i weighed like 70lbs? Are her stats false and she actually weighs way less? I know body comp comes into it but i have decent muscle density and strength.

My genetics frustrate me so much sometimes and i feel so helpless that i can't change them.

[Discussion] Binge triggers?
Created: Sun Mar 18 09:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bzzq/binge_triggers/
Well, I've finally weighed myself. Lost 3 lbs! Of course this also caused a binge.

**This isn't me asking "how to ED". These last three weeks have been amazing. I'm eating under what I "need", but eating more than I have. I've had energy. I've exercised. I haven't binged (well except yesterday). If I binge I restrict. I starve. I over exercise. I feel miserable. So really I'm asking how "not to ED" lol

I've since out my scale up again.

So far, for myself, I've identified that weighing myself and being sleep deprived trigger a binge.

I've noticed that these seem to be a trend around here. I'm just wondering if anyone has successfully identified any other "triggers"? They might be mine as well.

Thank you, I've only posted a couple times.. I mostly comment here and there. This community is wonderful. I don't think I've ran into another sub that's been so kind and caring to one another. Just letting you guys know you are making a difference. ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Idk why but this makes me so angry
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 118 | gw 110 | bmi 20.7]
Created: Sun Mar 18 09:35:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bxh4/idk_why_but_this_makes_me_so_angry/
I have no rational reason for getting mad at this but whenever I see pics of hot skinny girls with tons of food I get fjhshshdhjdjd

[this picture](https://instagram.com/p/BgeCo35DdQK/) just set me off for some reason and the caption says “tag a friend you’ve done this with ;)” ((warning this might possibly be triggering idk))

Never in my life have I happily binged with a friend bc I would attempt to throw up right after idk it just doesn’t make sense that normal people do this.

[Intro] Deleted peach, now I'm back... (@mikamou)
Created: Sun Mar 18 09:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bvvp/deleted_peach_now_im_back_mikamou/

[Rant/Rave] Binging and every aspect of my life becomes meaningless
Created: Sun Mar 18 09:16:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85btag/binging_and_every_aspect_of_my_life_becomes/

[Discussion] wrote a (long) list of things that i've learned about binge eating disorder in the last year of therapy
Created: Sun Mar 18 09:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bpti/wrote_a_long_list_of_things_that_ive_learned/

[Rant/Rave] Sick of people who have never had an eating disorder on r/loseit try and educate others with clearly false info about EDs
Created: Sun Mar 18 08:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bp9h/sick_of_people_who_have_never_had_an_eating/

[Other] Do you ever worry about absorbing calories from residual food?
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 08:56:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bozo/do_you_ever_worry_about_absorbing_calories_from/

[Discussion] How do you guys feel about the very first 'water weight' pounds that seem to drop off so easily?
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 171.4 | 30.00 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 08:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bk5c/how_do_you_guys_feel_about_the_very_first_water/
Today is day three of restricting after a long period of recovery and I've dropped four pounds. I know it's water weight and not fat that I've lost, but it's still so satisfying. How do you all feel when this happens? Is it exciting or discouraging? Does it motivate you or make you less likely to stick to your goals?

Side note - updating my flair on this subreddit is going to be a major motivation <3

[Discussion] Post Binge Cycle Plan
/u/Shh_its_not_me_yo [5'7 | CW: 125 | Gender: F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 08:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85bj7y/post_binge_cycle_plan/

[Discussion] How to stop weighing myself everyday
Created: Sun Mar 18 07:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85b84d/how_to_stop_weighing_myself_everyday/
I have an obsession with getting on the scale everyday and sometimes my weight goes up overnight and i know it’s just fluctuations but it ruins my entire day.
How do i stop this obsession

[Other] I like sleeping and taking naps
Created: Sun Mar 18 06:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85b24f/i_like_sleeping_and_taking_naps/
Just so I can not think about food for some hours and so I won’t use up all my calories for the day. Sometimes I’ll fall asleep like at 5 pm without eating too much and wake up at 12 am the next day and I feel so good when I see that I ate under 1,000 the previous day.

A few days ago I fell asleep for like 17 hours and the first thing I thought when I woke up was *yay i didn’t stuff my face for 17 whole hours woo*

I guess this is one of the few benefits of having sleeping problems 🙃

[Rant/Rave] Say something?????
Created: Sun Mar 18 06:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85b1hp/say_something/

[Rant/Rave] I don't know how to be okay again
Created: Sun Mar 18 06:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85b133/i_dont_know_how_to_be_okay_again/
What really depresses me about anorexia isn't that I look like an emaciated child. It isn't that I've lost any interest in the activities I used to enjoy, or even the fact that all of my social relationships have dissolved into thin air. It's that I don't know how to be okay anymore. It's that I took something so basic, so primal, so necessary... something so unabashedly innocent, and ruined it for myself. Food. People should wake up in the morning and feel hungry. They should think, oh, what do I want to have today? Do I want something sweet? Do I want something savory? A mix of both, perhaps? What tickles my fancy? Their first thought shouldn't be, how long can I delay eating this morning? They should enjoy variety, not resign themselves to the same foods day after day (and yet scrutinize them each morning, afternoon, and night as if they've never seen them before), lock themselves in the repetitious monotony of a self-contained prison.

Perhaps the stupidest thing I do is collect foods I used to like. I have cupboards full of crackers, snacks, granola bars, cake mixes, and other miscellaneous remnants of what I used to love once upon a long long time ago. I have this idea -- pathetic as it is -- that somehow these things will make me okay again. All they really do is make it worse. I more or less maintain my weight and could "afford" to eat anything I wanted (conveniently ignoring the fact that I exercise for hours a day, of course). The other day, for example, I thought how nice it would be to eat a peanut butter sandwich. And the truth is, I could eat a peanut butter sandwich. I could make myself a reduced-calorie option, or, if I wanted to, I could even eat one with real peanut butter and that soft, thick bread we all so love. I wouldn't gain weight. Nothing would happen. But what would happen, instead? I'd despise every bite, feel overwhelmed with anxiety and the thought that, no, this is bad. No, you made a poor choice. No, you should have had something with more protein, something that will fill you up... No, this is just junk. No, this is too many calories, now you can't have a nice snack this evening. Why did you make such a poor choice? That sandwich wasn't worth it. ...In the end, eating the sandwich is ten times worse than not doing so, even if I thought I wanted it.

...I shouldn't have to think these things. I should be able to just have what I want and make peace with it, not tear apart ten times over what illusory meaning it does or does not have. In the end, I realize I didn't even want a sandwich. I just wanted to feel okay again. I wanted to feel okay again, and I knew that a long time ago I felt okay eating that soft, gooey peanut butter sandwich. Yet it can't help me anymore. I don't want granola bars, or any of these foods. I fantasize about remnants of what once was with the delusion that time can be reduced to nothing, and I can have again what I did before. No, no, it's not like that. Maybe if I'm lucky I can one day enjoy these foods again, but it won't be in the same context of myself. Accepting that is hard, so instead I sit here like a fool thinking that I will someday get a different outcome from the exact same input. Fool! It doesn't work like that. You have to do something. You, you, you.

All I want is to someday sit on the grass on a mid-summer afternoon and enjoy a sandwich, maybe with a couple of soft-baked cookies on the side. I want to sit there on that warm, breezy afternoon without a care in the world, without worrying about exercising for hours upon hours or having a quasi-existential crisis about the food in front of me. How ridiculous is my plight? I find it hard to take myself seriously. I can't believe I took what should be the most simple thing in the world and turned it into a daily battle. I should be out living my life, doing things, breathing the fresh air and feeling snowflakes fall upon my lips, not suffocating myself in the shadow of self-induced demise. I deserve so much better. This is not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay, and I'm not sure I know how to be okay again.

Well, then. I have no choice but to figure it out eventually. "Eventually," why not today? Why today? I only wish I knew better.

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Mar 18 06:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85auzx/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 18, 2018
Created: Sun Mar 18 06:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85auxv/daily_food_diary_march_18_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 18, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] I smashed a bowl when I was getting ready to cook and it stopped me from eating
Created: Sun Mar 18 06:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85atje/i_smashed_a_bowl_when_i_was_getting_ready_to_cook/

[Help] I just binged over 6,000 calories...will my body really absorb all of this?
/u/Bloppitt [5'2 | 131 | -42 lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 03:50:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85acyq/i_just_binged_over_6000_calorieswill_my_body/
Title says it all. I ate 6,000 calories today. My TDEE is only 1450. I wanna die. I already binged an extra 509 cals this week per day which means another 3509 calories in my body. I don’t wanna gain another 2 lbs. it’s 3 am and I’m in so much pain. I don’t wanna live to see the next day, feel the bloat, the red burning skin, the shame and hopelessness. am I for real gonna absorb that much? It’s amazing how many calories are in fucking guacamole

[Rant/Rave] Made an effort to eat more for no damn reason apparently
Created: Sun Mar 18 03:35:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85abbs/made_an_effort_to_eat_more_for_no_damn_reason/

[Other] This song about Anorexia really resonates with me
Created: Sun Mar 18 02:47:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85a5ng/this_song_about_anorexia_really_resonates_with_me/

[Discussion] Liquid Fast?
Created: Sun Mar 18 02:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85a5fm/liquid_fast/

[Rant/Rave] Thank the gods for Wellbutrin
/u/extemely_basic [5'7 |Don't ask don't tell | GW 115lbs | -40lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Mar 18 02:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85a3cp/thank_the_gods_for_wellbutrin/
My doc switched my depression meds once my previous one, an SSRI, stopped working. After a bit of discussion about my worst symptoms (fatigue, lack of focus) he decided to get me off of SSRIs in general and switch me to Wellbutrin about 2 weeks ago.

Holy shit you guys. I don't want to eat anything, and I actually have the energy to do stuff! I don't have a scale but I'm 100% sure I've lost more than 5lbs (being real conservative about that number) without actively changing anything. When I try to drink, I can't even have half the amount of wine I had before, which means less calories! Greasy food makes me feel like shit, and fruit is the only appetizing thing I want to eat.

I thought my post-breakup depression was going to make me lose more weight but now I think it's this miracle medicine that'll do it instead.

I fucking love Wellbutrin!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Fitting into old clothes
/u/cassixo524 [170cm | 123 lbs| 19.25 | -20lbs | F]
Created: Sun Mar 18 01:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859v4i/fitting_into_old_clothes/
I have been having a rough couple weeks with my weight. It’s been consistently up 3-5 lbs and I know it’s because I’ve been eating way more calories than I should be. I felt even worse when I put on a new pair of high waisted jeans that I had ordered online a few weeks ago after trying them on in store and they were too tight around my waist. The zipper wouldn’t even stay closed.

I have been so frustrated since then that I’ve working harder at the gym, but I can’t get my eating under control. I still haven’t seen a change on the scale and I’m stressed out.

I’m at my parent’s house for the weekend, and I got bored and started digging around for old clothes. I haven’t really tried any of my stuff on from high school because I got too fat for it a few years ago. I found my grad dress in the back of my old closet and thought I’d try it on since I’m back to what I remember my weight being in my senior year.

I am too small for the dress!!! Even laced up as tight as I can get it, it is too loose!

I know this is so dumb but I can’t share all this stuff with my family and SO, and I’m just so happy that I wanted to tell someone! This has fueled my motivation and I’m going back to eating enough to fuel myself for the gym but not so much that I am gaining weight back!!

[Rant/Rave] Havent had a serious binge since last June
Created: Sun Mar 18 00:15:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859n1e/havent_had_a_serious_binge_since_last_june/
Seriously. Sometimes i "make" myself binge when I feel like purging, but I don't feel that loss of control. I'm able to stop at anytime. I haven't "made " myself binge since last December. Feels great, guys :'


[Discussion] Does anyone else do this
Created: Sat Mar 17 23:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859i4r/does_anyone_else_do_this/
I eat ice (only thin ice so I don't hurt my teeth) and try to trick myself into thinking it's food

[Discussion] Fave pre-ED food VS. Fave food now?
Created: Sat Mar 17 23:26:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859fzu/fave_preed_food_vs_fave_food_now/
It's a huge difference for me ! I used to love pizza but now it's those little easy-peel oranges.

[Discussion] Does anyone else sometimes feel like they're slowly dying but that's ok?
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 108 | gw: 100| 23f]
Created: Sat Mar 17 23:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859djk/does_anyone_else_sometimes_feel_like_theyre/
Sometimes after I haven't eaten anything for like a day or two I just lie on my bed and I feel like I'm starting to die. Like I'm a character in a movie who has just realized that they've been poisoned. But it doesnt make me feel scared or weak, it just kind of reassures me that I'm making progress. I dont know, maybe it's just me, maybe I just sound delusional

[Rant/Rave] Gotta rave about my FWB for a sec
/u/BreakdownShakedown [5'2" | CW: 129.6 | SW: 147.7 | GW: 120 | UGW: 110 | 24F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 23:07:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859d6a/gotta_rave_about_my_fwb_for_a_sec/
So I’ve been moving my stuff from one bedroom to another all day today and I am so exhausted. Haven’t really eaten so I could drink more tonight cause St. patty’s day and all. FWB comes over and guys, he brought me a zero cal monster when I didn’t even ask. I love this man, he’s fucking great.

Sorry, just needed to get that out to people who would understand. You guys have a good night 😘

[Help] Really want a “cheat meal” when I finish my fast
Created: Sat Mar 17 23:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859cpj/really_want_a_cheat_meal_when_i_finish_my_fast/

[Rant/Rave] Moralizing weight
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW 149.4lb | 19.82 | -27 | GW 140]
Created: Sat Mar 17 22:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/859ag3/moralizing_weight/
I just wanted to sort of think out loud about this. I read through my really old posts and am sort of shocked about how much moral significance and self-worth I attached/still attach to fat. When I see the excess fat on myself I really do see it as personal failure - as concrete, unavoidable evidence of my imperfections.

I ask myself if I judge people more based on their weight than their actions, and I don't. (But I also subconsciously see thin people vs. larger people and judge them, when I don't know their personality, which I'm pretty ashamed of.) Pretty sure that instinct has been developed in me by media and peers.

I find it amazing how people can ignore society's acute demonizing of fat and lose weight at a normal rate. It's so ubiquitous, it's impossible to ignore. People are so cruel about fat and so worshiping of thinness. Larger people's work ethic, personality etc are immediately criticized just because of their appearance. This makes it not just an issue about beauty but character as well. I was brought up in a Christian home (I'm now atheist lol) and morality and having good character was heavily emphasized. Also, it goes without saying that women are forced to occupy themselves with beauty in every aspect of life, and it is seen as a virtue.

How do normal non-disordered people see themselves normally at higher weights? I don't understand it at all. Maybe it's because I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but it really baffles me. Weight is something I can't hide - everyone can see 24/7 how I've failed in this aspect and base judgments of me on that, especially since I tend to not talk much. I can ignore it to an extent and my mind convinces me that it's not that bad in the moment, but eventually I become very dissatisfied with myself and cringe when I see old pictures.

I really have no idea how people can lose weight at a normal pace and not hate themselves at higher weights because of society's expectations. Idk where I was going with this, it's just amazing to me how not everyone has disordered eating.

[Rant/Rave] Fave food
Created: Sat Mar 17 22:26:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8596n6/fave_food/
I friggin love apple sauce and sometimes i just have one or two and that's all I eat in one day and it makes me feel so good about myself lol

[Help] Who dose keto diet here?
Created: Sat Mar 17 22:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8594ed/who_dose_keto_diet_here/

[Help] Binged every day this week...going away for spring break on monday...
Created: Sat Mar 17 22:04:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8592qu/binged_every_day_this_weekgoing_away_for_spring/

[Discussion] St Patrick’s Day
Created: Sat Mar 17 21:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/858wur/st_patricks_day/
Going out with the family today. Felt like I could do whatever it want since I’ll probably just get wasted and puke anyways. Anyone in the same boat? Felt like I could binge a little, bit now feeling guilty af.

[Rant/Rave] can i get some support after a very public meltdown? probably tw.
/u/HeartSecret [70" | CW 135 | CGW 125 | UGW 118 | female]
Created: Sat Mar 17 21:30:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/858wmj/can_i_get_some_support_after_a_very_public/
please flare rant/rave. on mobile.

long story short, st. patrick’s day is the day i decided to recover in 2014, so it’s a very touchy day for me... and i’ve since relapsed hard and dropped weight again. but, i’ve also been bingeing for a week and gained 10 lbs per the scale this morning.

anyway. i finally decide, okay, last hurrah... boyfriend and i are getting ice cream and magic shell. and we get to target and both the ice cream and magic shell are out. and secretly, a part of me is happy because i don’t want it. but, i completely broke down crying. feeling like the universe is telling me i’m a complete bingey piece of shit and i’m fat and gross and that’s why even something simple like magic shell can’t be at target.

i feel absolutely insane.

[Help] How do y'all control yourselves around other people?
/u/papsandwiles [5"4 | 115 | 19.7 | 20F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 20:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/858myb/how_do_yall_control_yourselves_around_other_people/
I wouldn't say I'm a binge eater. When I'm by myself I have really good self control and don't eat. But as soon as I'm around my family or friends, my self control goes out the window.
Today I had a sleepover with my friends and we collectively ate a ton of shit. To top it all off I ate cake at my parents' house later fml. I'm scared I've lost all my progress.
How do you guys get around losing control or feeling obliged to eat around other people?

[Help] Okay purgers.. Talk to me about throat issues
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 202 lbs | -73 lbs | GW: 120 | 27F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 19:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8589ij/okay_purgers_talk_to_me_about_throat_issues/
My throat feels tight, like my glands are really swollen. Hurts to swallow, hurts to talk. Ive been a purger for a good 13+ years but havent ever had a throat issue.

I'm SURE that the purging fucks up my throat. Not sure if this is because my kid has brought home germs (though I dont feel 'sick').

Long story short... Tell me I'm fine and haven't really messed up my throat.

[Discussion] Advice plz
Created: Sat Mar 17 19:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8588yr/advice_plz/

[Rant/Rave] I just wish that food didn't exist
/u/wednesdayschild_ [5'3" | CW: No idea | BMI: Too scared to know | WL: Not enough]
Created: Sat Mar 17 19:13:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8586cg/i_just_wish_that_food_didnt_exist/
I'm pretty drunk right now so please forgive me if this doesn't make sense. But I just wish that food wasn't a thing. I wish that we could just consume calories at scheduled times and specific amounts and that was that. No food, no tastes, no textures. I love food and I hate it so much at the same time. Don't even get me started on alcoholic beverages. Food tortures me. There's so much of it, so many different kinds and flavors and smells. I hate that I love it so much. If it wasn't for food being so good, it would be so easy to just not eat.

I hate food.

I love food.

I hate myself.

[Help] Eating healthy even while thin has ALWAYS made me depressed
Created: Sat Mar 17 19:08:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8585c8/eating_healthy_even_while_thin_has_always_made_me/
I’m sorta fat right now. Probably like 132 and I’m 5’2 and 23. I know how diet works. I used to be thin for years. But I gotta say a life where I’m thin and have to eat salad every day makes me want to genuinely kill myself. I tried it and nothing else could make me happy except good junk food. My life isn’t empty— I have a busy personal and work life and I do a lot of activities. I did well in school and made a lot of money my first year out. But I’m not happy if I don’t eat junk. Don’t say “oh you’ll feel so good!” Cause I won’t. Eating healthy and even eating moderation junk food is depressing. Like, it makes me suicidal to not eat junk food every week. If I go more than 7 days not eating out I get super sad. It’s just who I am. I don’t know why. But no “reading a book, running, watching a movie, listening to music” replaces the feeling of eating pie or something. I’m worried I’m gonna have to turn to drugs to get that high. It’s a body thing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

[Rant/Rave] Found photos from when I was at my goal weight... realised something.
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Sat Mar 17 18:44:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8580h2/found_photos_from_when_i_was_at_my_goal_weight/
...I was pretty. Not my lowest weight but that happy in between point, underweight but not scarily so. Wow, how did I let that go? *why* did I let that go? People randomly used to compliment me - on my face as well as my figure. (rarely get either now) and I'd think they were lying or just saying it because they felt sorry for me, and now I'm feeling almost...guilty? looking back at photos I hated at the time... :(

People just like you more when you are thin. I'm not just talking attraction, although even though men say 'curves' are in, I sure as hell got hit on more when I was smaller. I mean, looking back, I used to get more attention, offered more favours, fussed over more, hell, I'm sure people even thought I was funnier.

Life's easier when you're thinner. It's just nicer. ~~If there was any doubt I was relapsing~~

[Discussion] How often do you weigh yourself?
/u/sadbucket [5'5" | CW 120 | GW1 110 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 18:27:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857x28/how_often_do_you_weigh_yourself/
I used to weigh myself every morning but it's proven to be counterproductive. I'm thinking of stepping on the scale once a week (at most).

What do you guys do?

[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] do you believe in ~miracleeees~
Created: Sat Mar 17 18:27:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857wyl/rave_do_you_believe_in_miracleeees/
mom was forcing me to go to this “really amazing” cupcake place. i was REALLY upset about it because i already turned down mcdonald’s twice and hardee’s once and i was getting frustrated. earlier my sister picked at all my fat and really made me feel like shit (especially after yesterday and the post i made then).

but we get there and they’ve closed fifteen minutes early! the doors were locked! NO CUPCAKES FOR ME!

[Rant/Rave] 1,333 calories. Just... shit.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 108.6 | 20.1 | -12 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 18:20:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857vim/1333_calories_just_shit/
I had 1,333 calories today and I abso-fucking-lutely LOATHE myself for it. I do not deserve food. And I will never deserve any care and compassion until I'm thin and at this rate, I'll never get there. I walked 11,000 steps today, but that's not punishment enough. No eating for me for at least the next 48 hours. And I'm going to structure out 150-calorie meals at 3-hour intervals for afterwards-- 600 calories over the next 12 hours post-fast-- to ensure a binge day like this doesn't happen again.

Before I developed this eating disorder, I was a cutter. Cutting was so much easier than this. No punishment I could give myself, no possible physical manifestation of emotional pain, was as severe as the agony of binge-restrict cycles. And with so little payoff. I'm honestly tempted to start cutting again and be done with this, but we all know that would just lead to me having TWO ways to self-destruct instead of one.

Please, gods, no more.

[Discussion] Guys. This tastes JUST like sprite. I'm in love 🤤
Created: Sat Mar 17 18:20:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857vi0/guys_this_tastes_just_like_sprite_im_in_love/

[Rant/Rave] Black and white thinking and feeling like two entirely different people when binging vs. restricting.
/u/sadbucket [5'5" | CW 120 | GW1 110 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 18:03:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857rz0/black_and_white_thinking_and_feeling_like_two/
Right now, I'm terrified for my future. I'm in my last semester of community college and I'm taking a class that is absolutely kicking my ass. If I fuck this up, my acceptance to my dream transfer college will be rescinded. I often wake up in the morning feeling panicky and like failure is imminent.

I've binged for the past two months and gained ten pounds (from 113 to 123). I've been feeling like a fat, ugly, stupid failure. I feel uncomfortable socializing because I feel people thinking, *God, she's gained weight.* I feel like my boyfriend is grossed out by me. I feel depressed. I have a much harder time studying because I don't feel motivated. Really, I just don't believe in myself.

Restricting, on the other hand, makes me feel so capable. I am motivated. I feel like I can socialize. I feel like I can study. **The sense of control–while an illusion–is absolutely addicting.** I still deeply dislike myself but being me is so much more palatable when I'm restricting.

It's terribly ironic how this mental illness is often the only thing that makes me feel sane.

[Help] I count my calories obsessively
Created: Sat Mar 17 17:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857ohl/i_count_my_calories_obsessively/
& I want to make sure I'm not taking in more than I should. I'm 5 feet tall & I'm getting mixed messages from websites, some saying I'm supposed to have as low as 1200 in a day & others as high as 1800 (which can't possibly be true). I've been going by 1200 & staying between 700-1000.

Anyone know or have a reliable resource I could check out?

[Rant/Rave] Had a revelation
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | CW: 125 | GW: 116 | 21F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 17:40:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857n4b/had_a_revelation/
Whenever I want to start restricting again, ProED is one of my favorite places to go, and typically I'd make a post about what I'm trying to achieve, what weight I want to hit, or something like that.

But I was told about how when you tell people you're going to do something before you actually do it, you're less likely to achieve it because you already received the satisfaction of talking about it. So I decided to just read posts and only post when I actually achieved something.

AND I FINALLY HAVE. I'm back at 125 after being 135+ for a few months. And omg I'm so happy. I feel like I'm finally with it again.

Now to see if I continue... Or did I just ruin it talking about it? HOPE NOT.

[Rant/Rave] Finally back on track
Created: Sat Mar 17 17:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857mqy/finally_back_on_track/
I’ve been feeling good about my body again after months of yoyoing with bingeing and fasting.
The last time I over ate was Sunday and it wasn’t that bad, I went to old spaghetti factory and Taco Bell in the same day- something a normal person would do!

But since then I have been eating omad (which is already normal for me) and letting my bf cook at home for me, which is a huge deal for me bc I exclusively eat out when I eat and I am fairly certain it has to be under my tdee. And I have been working out regularly. AND I am on my way to fasting 70 hours. I am feeling fuckin great.

But I also haven’t weighed myself in over a week, and that was when I was eating a lot and bloated from my bc so I am terrified to weigh myself at the end of my fast (my plan), if I am not back to my low weight I will be devastated

[Discussion] There’s nothing more satisfying than watching the number on the scale go down. That is all.
/u/User820125 [65” CW: Fuck GW: over and done.]
Created: Sat Mar 17 17:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857idc/theres_nothing_more_satisfying_than_watching_the/

[Rant/Rave] St Patrick’s day woes
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6 | CW 135 | UGW 115 | 21.88 | -25lbs | 20/F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 17:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/857ht2/st_patricks_day_woes/
I love the spirit of going out and hanging with friends; also the ability to potentially talk to cute girls. But the downside so far has been being forced to eat. My friends won’t let me drink without eating... and they eat like shit. I hate everything that they have offered. I’m about to just say screw going out because I cannot eat this food.

[Rant/Rave] I’m lonely and heartbroken and I just want to binge tonight
Created: Sat Mar 17 16:41:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8579vi/im_lonely_and_heartbroken_and_i_just_want_to/
I’m stuck at home with my verbally abusive and controlling Mom. This guy I caught feelings for texts me now and then and then stops replying for days at a time and never makes plans. I’m always anxious about food and have nothing to show for it as I’m still fat. And I’m not allowed to drink. It’s St Patrick’s Day and I Wanted to do something fun and I’m just stuck alone with my self loathing thoughts and binge urges

Just wanted to vent. You all are the nicest and I don’t know what I would do without this sub ❤️ hope you are having a better day than me

[Rant/Rave] I can’t believe I’m posting here.
Created: Sat Mar 17 16:37:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8578u8/i_cant_believe_im_posting_here/
Hey guys, I’m mostly just trying to clear my conscience right now/ranting to relieve some things that have been on my mind. But I needed somewhere to go, and some way to get this weight off my chest (no pun intended).

Growing up from the age of 13 (I’m 22 now) I’ve gone on and off with disordered eating. I would binge and gain weight, then heavily restrict and lose weight.

My weight has crept up higher than ever. I was able to lose 20lbs the healthy way (healthy enough anyways). But then gained 10lbs of that back, thanks to binging.

I really need this weight off me. I *need* it off me. But the healthy way just doesn’t feel like an option anymore. I can feel my past disordered thinking creeping back up on me. I hate it, but I also love it. It makes me depressed and excited to lose this weight all at the same time.

So as sad as I am to see that this sub exists, I’m also immensely relieved to have somewhere where people actually understand me.

[Help] Strange symptom while fasting
Created: Sat Mar 17 16:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8575ma/strange_symptom_while_fasting/
I’m terrible at staying hydrated and I know my electrolytes are off- but do you guys ever experience a pain in the roof of your mouth when you’re fasting?
It almost feels like a sore throat but is more on the top of my mouth. Any one relate?

[Rant/Rave] Feeling super fucked up but I really love my boyfriend
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 153 | BMI 22.7 | GW 123 | -35 lbs | 24F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 15:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/856xca/feeling_super_fucked_up_but_i_really_love_my/
So my boyfriend and I are moving to my family's weird-ass farm property. It needs a bunch of renovations so we're renting it at a reduced rate from my dad in exchange for my boyfriend doing the renovations. So today he's sanding down the floors to refinish them, and meanwhile I'm supposed to be working from home but instead I felt really shitty from restricting and napped while he sanded, then went with him to get more sandpaper and got a Snickers and some Smartfood popcorn. I ate them and some cookies and purged in the bathroom, and since it's a weird-ass property the bathroom door has a window on it and my boyfriend caught me cleaning up. He came over and hugged me tight, told me he loved me and that it's okay. Like, he's working on our house while I'm purging in the bathroom, and still comes over to comfort me. Ugh I feel like a piece of shit but I love him so much.

[Rant/Rave] He just isn’t attracted to me.....
Created: Sat Mar 17 15:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/856s5v/he_just_isnt_attracted_to_me/
My boyfriend of over 1.5 years told me last night he isn’t sexually attracted to me. He says he’s not sure if he ever was.
He swears it’s him and not me, but I can’t help feeling like a fat idiot.

[Tip] Spicy foods keep me full for longer
Created: Sat Mar 17 15:15:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/856qqx/spicy_foods_keep_me_full_for_longer/
I had two bags of barbecue popchips a few hours ago and was worried I would get hungry later on since chips aren't very filling. However, I can still feel the slight burn of the spice in my stomach which mimics the feeling of being full to me.

I kind of knew about this before but now that I've confirmed it, I plan on using spice to my full advantage and figured I'd share my discovery with you all as well!

[Other] So I Did This Today...
Created: Sat Mar 17 15:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/856qkc/so_i_did_this_today/
My boyfriend's mom was all excited about today being St. Patrick's Day today. She was making these giant reuben sandwiches for us all and insisted that I ate before I went to work. My boyfriend brought me the sandwich and I felt terrible because it looked so good and I'm sure his mom spent a lot of time cooking, but I have a super hard time eating things that aren't pre-packaged and labeled. Also, I have been heavily restricting lately.

I took one bite, walked away, cleaned out my cat's litter box, and ended up throwing the sandwich into the trash bag with dirty cat litter so I wouldn't eat it. I feel like a horrible person. 🙃 I told her it was delicious.

[Discussion] March 15th - 17th, 2018 Questions of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 14:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/856kl4/march_15th_17th_2018_questions_of_the_day/
Sorrrrryyyy been preoccupied with the pseudo-bf who is finally in town.

15th: What do you not want to talk about?

16th: What do you want to buy?

17th: What new activity have you tried?

[Help] cinnamon roll substitute?
Created: Sat Mar 17 13:45:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8565t6/cinnamon_roll_substitute/
i fucking love cinnamon rolls but theyre so calorific they make me want to cry. does anyone know any low calorie options? i love halo tops cinnamon roll flavour but id like to see if anyone has any actual cinnamon roll/swirl recipes or brands that do them etc.

[Intro] I guess I'm back after a 3 year + 70 pound recovery (reposting after accidentally posting it from my main account)
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 171.4 | 30.00 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 13:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85639d/i_guess_im_back_after_a_3_year_70_pound_recovery/
I posted this a few minutes ago but realized I had posted it from my main account, which my boyfriend and some of my friends know.

To make a super long story short, I've been in (mostly) recovery from a restrictive/binge-purge ED that I dealt with from age 13 to age 20. I'm now 24. I've gone from 110 at 5'4 to 175.

I can't deal with this. I've been in therapy for almost two years working on this but I just can't accept life at this weight. I'm overweight. Any doctor would tell me to lose weight, and they have. I've been telling myself for months that this is how I want to live my life, free from worrying and eating whatever I want, but I cannot keep gaining weight.

Last week in therapy, I was talking about how nothing has ever made me feel a rush like losing weight and I realized how true that was. A few days ago I finally went back to the gym for the first time in years. Yesterday, I created a new MyFitnessPal and had a really good first day, well below my total calories goal for the day. I'm going strong so far again today. I don't even know how I feel right now. I'm trying to tell myself this will last and I'll lose the weight and I won't start binging and purging again.

I missed this, honestly. I think I'm glad to be back- that sounds weird but it's all really familiar and comforting.

Anyway, here I am.

TLDR: restricting again after a few years in recovery, hi, I missed you all

[Rant/Rave] Im so sick of being fat
Created: Sat Mar 17 13:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85616f/im_so_sick_of_being_fat/

[Intro] I guess I'm back after a 3 year + 70 pound recovery.
Created: Sat Mar 17 13:20:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/856012/i_guess_im_back_after_a_3_year_70_pound_recovery/

[Help] My roommate is making comments to hurt me and I want to get it out of my head.
Created: Sat Mar 17 12:24:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/855ltu/my_roommate_is_making_comments_to_hurt_me_and_i/
My roommate is an asshole. He’s a guy nobody likes in my friend circle but simply tolerate. He has been like cancer to me— extremely toxic, bullying, found out I had anorexia and BeD and now comments passive aggressively on what I eat. A few days ago I went through a 4 pack of muffins and a six pack of bread in 3 days. He passive aggressively said “wow, so healthy eating isn’t going so good, huh? I consider myself the healthiest eater among our friends...” like he is an 8th grader or something. I want to get what he said out of my head and also punish him but I don’t know how to punish him. I could tell everyone what an asshole he is. He doesn’t have any dirt on me other than times I falsely agreed with him that “oh wow that must have been hard friend X did that to you... *eyeroll* yeah I can see how X is narcissistic.”

I want to see him suffer immediately. What can I do?

[Discussion] adderall
Created: Sat Mar 17 12:14:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/855j6r/adderall/

[Rant/Rave] I don't want to die from this.
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | high | large | Gender: death]
Created: Sat Mar 17 12:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/855in1/i_dont_want_to_die_from_this/
I'm trying to stop b/p and c/s but it is hard. How do you minimize the damage from c/s?

I. Can't stop either of them

[Other] Small win
Created: Sat Mar 17 12:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/855hsn/small_win/
I went to visit the hospital in London about the possibility of going day patient.

Frankly they scared the shit out of me and said I had to go inpatient. Seriously not impressed at that being dumped on me.

However, one good thing that came out of it it is that today I woke up with a new sense of determination to get my life sorted.

Asked my boy for a hammer....and took it to the fucking scales.

Right now having an "ahhhhh" what have I done. But....if I don't know what I weigh I don't know if I'm gaining (well...that's how my theory goes ^_^)

[Discussion] God bless diet anything
Created: Sat Mar 17 11:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8556fo/god_bless_diet_anything/
Diet coke, pepsi max, diet A&W root beer 😍😍😍😍 what’s your fav diet drink?

[Rant/Rave] I keep postponing surgery because I'm afraid of my mother finding out my true weight
Created: Sat Mar 17 11:12:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/855440/i_keep_postponing_surgery_because_im_afraid_of_my/
I'm getting a nose job but I keep postponing the surgery because my mother who is the main reason I have an ED in the first place will be there, and I'm afraid of her finding out my true weight (which is some 20 lbs north of what I tell her I weigh). This is the second time I've cancelled on the surgeon. What is wrong with me? I keep trying to catch up with my dieting and be that weight when they put it on my file, but the more I think about it the more I binge and I think I'm actually GAINING now. Horror.

[Help] Fasting with a SO?
Created: Sat Mar 17 10:38:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/854vq2/fasting_with_a_so/
I really miss fasting. I used to do them all the time but now that my Partner is getting obsessive about my health weight, there's no way I can do it.

Those if you with partners how do you manage this? I don't want to hide things from her but I don't want to be held back from things I want to do.

[Goal] First goal in forever
Created: Sat Mar 17 10:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/854ve9/first_goal_in_forever/

[Help] 15lbs till my first GW. Help!
Created: Sat Mar 17 10:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/854um0/15lbs_till_my_first_gw_help/

[Rant/Rave] He just would NOT stop talking about my size
/u/Grymdolin [5'3 | CW110.8 | 20.17 | GW 90 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 10:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/854t7g/he_just_would_not_stop_talking_about_my_size/
Today my work crush just would not stop talking about how tiny he thinks I am! We sell clothes and he and a couple other coworkers were thinking of buying a few things. I heard him mention that I would probably need a "double extra small"! I overheard him call me tiny a few times throughout the day, and then later we joked about how I'd be easy to kidnap because I'm "as light as a feather"!


Definitely fueled the 36 hour fast I was in the middle of lol

[Rant/Rave] Y’all....(TMI)
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy [5'2 | 97 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 08:31:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8542er/yalltmi/

[Help] I don't deserve it.
/u/DesiignedTheFuture [In recovery]
Created: Sat Mar 17 08:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8540wj/i_dont_deserve_it/
Ok so I've been in recovery for a few weeks and it's been pretty good with some slip ups here and there.
But my main issue is that every time I miss a meal time on the plan it just gets easier for me to rationalise eating less and less. Because I've already missed one meal, I might as well miss the rest of the day right? And also my family aren't really on my neck about it, so it's not that hard to do. How do you manage to tell yourself, "yes I deserve to eat this" when everything else in your body is fighting you?

[Rant/Rave] College student struggling with binge eating - small victory of the day!
Created: Sat Mar 17 07:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853qu7/college_student_struggling_with_binge_eating/
I've been hooked in a vicious cycle of binge eating for the past three months. After waking up 30 minutes ago, I could feel the urge creeping through. I hated it. I got up, dressed, and headed for the dining hall. However, unlike previous weeks where I would stay at the dining hall for two hours, munching on french toasts, muffins, cookies, frosted cereal, ice cream, and waffles, this week I brought a container with me. I went straight to the fruit station, scooped up three pieces of pineapples and three pieces of cantaloupe. Went to the egg station and got myself a serving of scrambled eggs. After doing that, I left immediately. I almost ran back to my dorm for fear that I might change my mind and go to the waffle/cookie/brownie station like I'd always used to.

I'm back at the dorm now and am feeling pretty full (I washed down my sweet cravings with a mix of Crystal Light and water - I know it's not the best for me, but right now that trumps any binge eating episode that might have happened).

First post and first mini victory.

Thank you :)

[Discussion] Pot smokers how do you beat the munchies?
Created: Sat Mar 17 06:46:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853ik0/pot_smokers_how_do_you_beat_the_munchies/
I am someone dealing with an ED that enjoys smoking with my boyfriend every once in awhile. I am vegan so I eat very healthy and obviously count calories. But when I am high all I want to do is eat! Obviously my choices in my home aren't the worst options when it comes to food. But I want it all!! Suggestions?

[Goal] I reached my original longstanding goal weight
/u/Suusss [| 5'6 | 143 / 130 / 120 / 117 \\ 115 \\ 111 \\ 109]
Created: Sat Mar 17 06:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853gph/i_reached_my_original_longstanding_goal_weight/
114.8, under my GW by .2.

I'm standing nude leaning into my laptop to type this. I'm happy.

Yay. It took three years. Ive been here for pretty much that long w other accounts.Time to drink a LOT because my uni wakes up at 8am to drink for 11... celebration x

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 17, 2018
Created: Sat Mar 17 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853csb/stupid_questions_saturday_march_17_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 17, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 17, 2018
Created: Sat Mar 17 06:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853cp8/daily_food_diary_march_17_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 17, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] What do diet pills do to your body?
Created: Sat Mar 17 05:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853a65/what_do_diet_pills_do_to_your_body/

[Help] It's gone from disordered eating to restrictive anorexia.
/u/Lunnaris [5' | CW: 134,4 | UGW: 110,2 | 24F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 05:26:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/853648/its_gone_from_disordered_eating_to_restrictive/
I don't eat anymore. I mean, I do. A sandwich a day. Or three small cookies. And then I feel SO hungry that I cook something delicious. And in the process I get so anxious that I end up freezing the results.
I'm in two different diet pills atm.
I can't stop this, and I don't want to.
A few weeks back I had to spent the night at the hospital because I was suicidal and while talking to the doctor I was too anxious so I told her everything. So in my report it talks about my "problems with food and denial to eat". That's what my psychiatrist is gonna talk to me about on our appointment the 6th. But I'm going to lie. I'm still chubby, there's no way for them to find out...

[Help] Looking for people with DID
/u/ElectricalDeer87 [5' 7.5" | 148.1lbs | -4 | Goal: 95 lbs | BMI 22.4 | 16F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 04:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/852w44/looking_for_people_with_did/

[Discussion] trying for a 7 day fast, give me your tips!
Created: Sat Mar 17 02:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/852j8q/trying_for_a_7_day_fast_give_me_your_tips/

[Discussion] Challenge Accepted?
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 01:51:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/852dw7/challenge_accepted/

Literally how is this possible?? Warning: gross...
/u/questions_anonymous [5'6.5" | 114 | 18.1 | -50 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 17 01:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/852byc/literally_how_is_this_possible_warning_gross/
I swear my digestive tract just like selectively shuts down in protest. So I ate dinner around 6:30 and here I am at about 3:30am unable to sleep because I feel so full and bloated and nasty, so in a fit of desperation I try to purge, and recognizable chunks of food come up - like ??? How has food just been sitting in my stomach for literally 9 hours unchanged?? I mean I ate a big dinner, but seriously, wtf.

I can’t tell if coworkers/friends are trying to sabotage me
Created: Sat Mar 17 00:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8524r1/i_cant_tell_if_coworkersfriends_are_trying_to/
On January 1 I weighed in at 205 lbs, the heaviest I have ever been. Since then I have been calorie restricting, and on occasion binging (I lose control as soon as the work week is over, I tend to graze out of laziness and not being preoccupied by work and meetings).

I have lost 17 lbs and it’s starting to show. My clothes are becoming noticeably looser. I plan on losing more weight.

I don’t know if it’s the 11:11 effect but I have noticed a coworker I eat lunch with has been going out of her way to purchase extra sweets and either encouraging me to split something like a brownie or today she bought me an entire cookie. She also goes out of her way to talk or ask me about exercise. Or will comment on my food choices and go, oh WOW you’re so HEALTHY! I feel like she is trying to get me to admit to dieting. I dread lunching with her and am going to make an effort to deflect her lunch advances going forward.

Another friend of mine brought up the fact that she read a book that features a woman with an eating disorder, and how it was triggering for her. I did my best to push the conversation away from the topic and it felt awkward.

Another coworker brought up someone she knew that had an ED. Again, very randomly.

I have an ED for sure — I’ve struggled with binging and purging and anxiety/depression as long as I remember. But I am also annoyed that people just... bring this stuff up. I don’t know if I am reading too much into it so I guess I want to ask any of you if you have noticed these sorts of microaggressions.

I am also very shy and anxious. I was on the r/loseit board and some people’s advice is kind of horrible? They’re like, tell them that you don’t take advice from people who are overweight! I just do not have the capacity to be that rude or forward.

Anyway, just sort of ranting but also would like to hear how some of you all cope. Or just tell me it’s all in my head/I am over-analyzing, which is a possibility since all I can really think about these days is MFP, calories, scales...

[Discussion] Medication on full stomach?
Created: Sat Mar 17 00:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8521nx/medication_on_full_stomach/
I am currently on a medication where I have to take it on a full stomach and with a fatty meal. Otherwise you get extremely nauseas/sick, and the meds will lose effect and don’t work as well. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[Discussion] What’s the most weight you have lost in a week? How did you do it?
Created: Fri Mar 16 23:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851xww/whats_the_most_weight_you_have_lost_in_a_week_how/

[Discussion] Does anyone have "safe" clothes?
/u/whatisthisshow2002 [5'2.5" | CW: 🐳 100lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 16 23:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851x6l/does_anyone_have_safe_clothes/
I can't wear blue jeans because I have an irrational fear of looking big. Blue specifically. Black or dark grey is apparently OK? And shorts, except for this one particular pair that has HUUUUUUGE pockets (how could I resist???). And I can't do oversize tops or leggings unless I"m under 100lbs. And I'm not allowed to wear tight shirts or crop tops or low neck shirts unless I can see ribs through my boobs (despite boobs not even being on display???). And don't even talk to me about skirts and dresses.

Apparently normal people don't do this???

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] lol do you ever just feel disappointment right in your gut and behind your eyes
Created: Fri Mar 16 23:47:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851w7x/rant_lol_do_you_ever_just_feel_disappointment/
hey guys. so part of this is ED related and part isn’t. I’ll start with the ed related one first:

today, i thought i looked good. i usually do winged eyeliner and stuff but today i did my eyeshadow and curled my hair and wore my favorite dress that minimizes my gross stomach and emphasizes my butt and I felt attractive for once. also, i got my nails done yesterday. heck yeah.

went to visit my papaw in the nursing home. first he makes a rude comment about my dress being too short and then he says “How much weight have you gained?” Right in front of my naturally rail thin sister. She laughed and laughed. I wanted to like... actually die. I drove straight to the store and now i’m EC stacking.

ed unrelated:

there’s this guy. and god, he is so good. he is just so. his smile. i’ve never liked someone’s smile? and he’s smart. and he’s unlike any dude i’ve ever met. listen, i’ve been through a lot. stuff that’s really twisted i won’t go into - but emotionally, i’m a little messed up, and trusting people is hard. sex is a ‘trusting a person’ thing with me. I only do it with people that i care about. Because i hate being held or touched like i’m special and like i matter when, in the grand scheme of things to a person, i actually don’t. nothing really hurts me more.

i thought i was really vibing with this guy, we’ve been talking and Hanging Out for a few months, and i wasn’t hoping for anything Official, but i was hoping to matter. you know? i don’t know. i feel so stupid.

today, basically, i learned that he isn’t attached to me, and won’t be, because he’s had to uproot for jobs and life and shit so many times.

and... yeah. i feel used. i shouldn’t, i never expressed that sex was important to me in that kind of way. or that hanging out the way we do mattered to me. it’s just... it figures. i am a waste of space. aaaand i’m really sad.

thanks for listening

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else get anxious about the weight on their license?
Created: Fri Mar 16 23:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851q17/does_anyone_else_get_anxious_about_the_weight_on/
I’m turning 21 soon and I won’t be able to make it to the BMV on my birthday so I got my license updated now. When I got my temps (waaaay back when I was 17) I weighed 150/160ish. I gained 20 lbs over the course of my senior year of HS and when I got my license when I turned 18 I lied and said I was still 150. When I got my Real Adult License a few days ago, I got super anxious when the lady was like “is your height and weight still correct” and I was like yes even though she and I both damn well knew i’m closer to 200 pounds than 150 pounds
Anyway am I totally crazy or has someone else experienced this

[Rant/Rave] 10 pounds in 3 weeks
/u/iloveitosusumu [5'9 | CW155.8 | GW120 | BMIidk | 20F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 23:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851pla/10_pounds_in_3_weeks/
You know that image of Lisa Simpson where she's looking up at Marge from the table in utter mystification and submission? That's me with my binge self. I watch that fat bitch eat a whole 12-inch sausage pizza and chase it with sleeves of oreos and almond milk and it's only fascinating because that's not me. I don't exist! I don't know what oreos taste like, but it's got to be exquisite to eat 33 of them. I get to watch her lie to her boyfriend less than 2 weeks from their anniversary about premeditated plans when she, he and I know damn well I don't have any fucking friends. It's like watching the worst sitcom in first person.

I set up my mirror by my bed so I could watch myself while I eat but when I make eye contact, I can't connect my actions with myself. I can't stop the person I see from gorging themselves and undoing weeks of progress every time. If I lose restriction, I lose the only sense of control I can 100% feel, but I can't ever get it back before putting back on what I get rid of. I hate this, and I'm scared every time about when I'll be able to restrict again.

Happy st Patrick's, gang.i love u

[Help] Took some Bronkaid at 9 pm - gotta wake up at 4 am. Am I going to be too wired to get any decent sleep after this?
Created: Fri Mar 16 22:44:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851li3/took_some_bronkaid_at_9_pm_gotta_wake_up_at_4_am/
Yeah, I’ve been trying to curb my urge to binge, and I’ve also been drinking, which only fuels my urge to binge, so I’m asking all of y’all who regularly fuck with the EC stack- am I going to be able to sleep when I have such an early call tomorrow? I have a high tolerance to caffeine, like I can go to sleep after a cup of coffee, but idk about this shit.

[Rant/Rave] I don't want to get better (but man I wish I did)
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Fri Mar 16 22:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/851jpp/i_dont_want_to_get_better_but_man_i_wish_i_did/
If i look around myself at my life, i find i'm discontent. I live in the same small town in which I was born, in a house my grandmother pays for because my mother can't take care of herself either, I'm flunking our if high school, i can't drive, i have like 0.5 IRL friends, and, if i look into myself I find only more discontent. I'm lazy and dull and really it's no shock i'm lonely.

The only interesting aspect of my life is my eating disorder. Nothing entertains me but binging, be it on food or alcohol or other substances.

My eating disorder is my best friend and my favorite hobby. I love it and it feels like it loves me. It's as toxic as any of my other relationships, but it's mine, and it fills the spaces in me I can't otherwise occupy.

I don't want to give it up. I never have. There have been times i've wished I wanted to, and times I tried to even though it felt like saying goodbye to a lover you'll never see again, but i have never, ever, wanted to stop.

There is nothing else in my life I can see and touch that makes me so happy as being underweight. It's sick and it's fucked up but i am addicted to my bones.

I've reached a point where i'm physically reliant on medication to regulate my heart. It works. I'm stable. But despite the fact that i've found this sort of balance (don't fix it if it ain't broke, right?) everyone around me (most concerningly, my doctor) wants me to stop.

I don't like worrying my family. I don't like risking my freedom. I don't like being so cold in the winter that my nails turn blue. I don't like spending every spare penny on food. But it's all i've got.

I'm in an abusive relationship with myself and I don't want to break it off.

Pain, and hurt, and chasing oblivion, are things i've grown terribly accustomed to.

And i'm just too comfy to climb out of the hole i've dug.

[Rant/Rave] Feeling Bad at a Sleepover
Created: Fri Mar 16 21:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8512xb/feeling_bad_at_a_sleepover/
i went to a friends house to sleep over tonight and im going to tomorrow night as well and we ordered a pizza and i literally ate the entirety of the pizza and a bunch of her other food in the kitchen, it was about 2100 calories in total
now im in bed doing exercises to desperately burn any of it off that i can (definitely cant purge here, going to TRY to fast throughout all of tomorrow because then itll be as if i ate about 1050 just 2 days in a row which is still a lot but more doable) and i just spent 10 minutes hiding in the bathroom exercising in place to burn as much as i could without it seeming suspicious that i was in there forever
please reassure me itll be alright, im so scared im going to gain from this and i know i definitely will if i dont burn anything or if i eat tomorrow

[Tip] PSA: There is a desktop version of peach
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Fri Mar 16 19:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/850ns1/psa_there_is_a_desktop_version_of_peach/
Just type "nectarine.rocks" into your search bar, and you'll get there! I don't know if this is common knowledge, but I just found out and I actually really like the desktop layout.

Anyways, I hope everyone is having a bearable day ❤️

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up today
Created: Fri Mar 16 19:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/850kvv/i_fucked_up_today/
I was doing well today until my mother asked if I wanted any food from burger king. I got a something just so she wouldn't be suspicious, 100% planning to throw it out. Well, I didn't. I ate it. It's gone. Inside me. I'm so nasty. The internet said I had about 800 calories but I think it's always more in reality. Plus the oatmeal from earlier. It totally Couldve been worse but I'm still mad at myself:/

[Rant/Rave] i feel like my eating disorder is my only friend lol
Created: Fri Mar 16 19:21:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/850hhk/i_feel_like_my_eating_disorder_is_my_only_friend/

I'm recovering (sorta)
/u/TheGirlOnTheCorner [5'8" | 125 lbs | 19% | 14 yr| Female]
Created: Fri Mar 16 19:01:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/850d8h/im_recovering_sorta/
I've been depressed and anxious for the majority of my life and with that has come anorexia and bulimia. The bulimia was short-lived, but I've struggled with anorexia on and off for years now.

It helps if I don't eat anything too fattening, but sometimes when my mom orders pizza or something, she'll get really pissed if I don't eat it.

Do you guys have any good excuses other than the typical "I don't feel well" or "I already ate" things?

Don't suggest I just talk to her about it because I'm sorry to say that won't work.

Hi everyone!
Created: Fri Mar 16 18:46:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8509wu/hi_everyone/

[Help] I've been resisting the cookies in the kitchen for almost an hour, can I get some motivational quotes or reassurances to help me get through the evening?
Created: Fri Mar 16 18:35:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8507ij/ive_been_resisting_the_cookies_in_the_kitchen_for/

[Discussion] Squishy thighs
/u/kaelidoscope [5'0 | CW 100.8 | GW: 90 | 20.73 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 18:20:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/85048n/squishy_thighs/
Hello friends. I wanted to start a discussion on stubborn inner thigh fat. My legs are okay for the most part, they're pretty proportional to the rest of my body, and doing squats has really helped in toning my outer thighs as well as my butt. Unfortunately, my inner thighs are still soft squishy pillows of fat. What exercises do you guys do to tone the muscle or get it to be even marginally less squish?

I had a very bingey stressful week and gained too much to be humanly possible. ED brain convincing me it is.
/u/manateens [5'4 20F | 150 / UGW 98 | BMI27]
Created: Fri Mar 16 18:09:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8501no/i_had_a_very_bingey_stressful_week_and_gained_too/
Don't get me wrong I ate like shit and probably did gain a solid 2# but 11 doesn't seem possible. I didn't poo at all so I took some lax and thought that'd help and have been water fasting/pushing fluids for 36 hours now and it hasn't moved at all. Pls god kill me

I ate at my TDEE for 6 days if restaurant calculators are correct, and even if they're off they're not 11 pounds worth off. But now I am just gonna fast until the number lowers again because fuck me right

[Help] Purged a lot of stomach acid. Now the back of my throat hurts. Help?
Created: Fri Mar 16 17:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84zzkn/purged_a_lot_of_stomach_acid_now_the_back_of_my/

[Rant/Rave] Old pictures
Created: Fri Mar 16 17:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ztfv/old_pictures/

[Goal] Going to restrict hard as soon as I'm done my half marathon
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 153 | BMI 22.7 | GW 123 | -35 lbs | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 16:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84zjma/going_to_restrict_hard_as_soon_as_im_done_my_half/
So I picked up running last October since I was trying to sort of be normal about losing weight (I lost like 15-20 pounds through restricting, but I started dating someone and didn't want to be super weird about food/exercise around him, ended up losing about 10 more pounds slowly) and decided to run a half marathon. It's in a week and once I'm done I'm so excited to just start restricting again. Right now my stomach is a bottomless pit since I'm running so much, so I just end up eating at/above maintenance most days. I like being a little more free around food but I'm honestly so excited to have this constant need to eat go away so I can restrict properly. I wish I could run 8 miles without needing to eat 2800 calories back, but sadly I just can't do it. My plan is to do yoga every morning, fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, kombucha for a snack, and then a small portion of dinner with my boyfriend. I want to lose like 20 more pounds :) Wish me luck!!

[Rant/Rave] My pet fucking peeve is when people tell me I'm not "healthy" [rant]
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | fat | too high | Ugw: 7 lb 3 oz | 20f ]
Created: Fri Mar 16 16:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84zgid/my_pet_fucking_peeve_is_when_people_tell_me_im/
I fucking know already!!!
My mom just talked at me for ten fucking minutes about how unhealthy I am because I didn't eat breakfast. She went on and on about getting the nutrients I need and etc. She talked about how unhealthy my eating habits are and how I need to do better because I'm not normal.... all while she ate a giant fucking bowl of chips. As she walked around the kitchen absentmindedly eating anything she could get her hands on and then calliing my brother healthy for eating spaghetti with about 900 calories worth of cheese on it. At least I'll fucking admit I'm not healthy because I am aware of my actions. I'm not policing others while making bad choices because I'm not a fucking hypocrite, and I don't tell people what to eat while I'm eating 750 calories worth of garbage that I find. Fuck people who keep telling me shit with no self awareness for themselves in tired of interacting.

I was so close to recovering...but I'm here again.
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | high | large | Gender: death]
Created: Fri Mar 16 16:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84zcus/i_was_so_close_to_recoveringbut_im_here_again/
A month ago, a doctor recommended I go to some ED clinic I can't afford. I downloaded a recovery workbook recommended here and I only purged once after that.

But. I'm here again for so many reasons.

1. Not knowing how many calories I'm eating makes me anxious (my school isn't providing nutrition info anymore because it's spring break).

2. Why did my friend seem excited to see me and then walked past my table and sit by himself?

3. I had a 150 cal limit for lunch. I broke it.

Does it matter? Time is a flat circle. I will always be here.

[Other] body dysmorphia got me like...
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 58.5 | 19.55/19.32 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 16:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84z9ut/body_dysmorphia_got_me_like/

[Rant/Rave] i'm so tired. i want to get back on track
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 146 | GW 88 | NB]
Created: Fri Mar 16 15:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84z03h/im_so_tired_i_want_to_get_back_on_track/
i've been eating really terribly (200cal-300cal above my tdee, which doesn't seem so bad when you're trying to justify eating more, but it ADDS UP) and honestly i think seeing my grad photos just....made me realize how terrible i actually look. i'm a fucking moon. i go out like that? in public? how the fuck dare i??

and the worst thing is for me to lose a pound a week i'd need to eat 900 calories. 900!! THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH! and fucking yet!!

i want to get back on track. i want to be held accountable, even if by my own shame. i want to post back here. i need to remember that i can get past this.

[Discussion] DAE get brain fog when they start eating normally again?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 15:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yz7l/dae_get_brain_fog_when_they_start_eating_normally/
I’ve started eating at or slightly over (eek!) my TDEE the past few weeks and I’ve noticed that cognitively, I’ve become an absolute mess. My reasoning is terrible and slow, I can’t focus, and I lose things everywhere. Does anyone else get this or is it a me problem?

[Help] My first 24 hour fast!
/u/scribbledoll [5'0'' | 140 |Overweight | IDK | Girl? Ish?]
Created: Fri Mar 16 15:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yz1x/my_first_24_hour_fast/

[Help] B/P 3 times yesterday but ended up losing 2 pounds since I last weighed myself a couple of days ago
Created: Fri Mar 16 15:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ytuv/bp_3_times_yesterday_but_ended_up_losing_2_pounds/

[Discussion] On average, how many calories a day can you eat before you feel “guilty”?
Created: Fri Mar 16 14:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yps2/on_average_how_many_calories_a_day_can_you_eat/
Just wondering, as I’m noticing as my ED developed, I am feeling more and more guilty with any food consumption. I try to stay under 500 cals but normally eat about 600 and feel like I’ve failed. I even find my self purging salads (wtf right?) or yesterday wanting to purge sugar free jello, just bc I didn’t want it in my stomach, and potentially messing up my weight by water weight.

So what is your daily calorie goal and at what number do you feel guilty?

[Discussion] Onederland
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 202 lbs | -73 lbs | GW: 120 | 27F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 14:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yjje/onederland/

[Discussion] High carb diet experiences/results?
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Fri Mar 16 14:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yj4q/high_carb_diet_experiencesresults/
After a streak of of weeks doing *so* well meeting my goals, a combination of extreme PMS cravings + two weeks of heavy weekends and hangovers has definitely thrown me off my no binge streak and I'm sure caused me to gain (definitely not going to cry rn). It's caused me to think though, about how effortlessly I seemed to be able to maintain my lowest weight for over a year and what my habits were.

Without fail I would drink around 2litres of water a day and as for my diet, I ate no eggs, meat, dairy (fish a couple of times a week) and stuck to a routine of:

* 1/3 oats with soy milk for breakfast every single day, often with some fruit like a pear or melon or a teaspoon of coconut oil

* an apple and either a peanut butter sandwich or almonds or a cereal bar for lunch

* a vegan meal (lots of plant/unprocessed grain carbs) or piece of fish and veg for tea

* a hell of a lot of fruit, pretty much whenever I wanted it (got the worst acid reflux that year lol)

...so I was stil getting an adequate amount of healthy plant fats as well as fish too.

It was only after incorporating more non vegan foods into my diet that I gained (and started binging / hating myself HARD) but honestly, I managed to maintain around 90-95lbs like this for over a year.

The whole 'carbs are evil' keto thing made me kind of scared of them this time around but now I'm wondering why? I lost so much weight and had few binge urges eating like this... I think I'm going to give it another shot, this time intentionally.

Every time I've tried keto it's ended *badly* with me never feeling satisfied, I'm talking mega binges. I'm starting to think that although obese men may preach it, perhaps for young women it really isn't the magic cure reddit seems to paint it as.

Anyone else had success with a higher carb diet?


[Other] The longer I fast, the longer I want to.
Created: Fri Mar 16 14:23:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yi6w/the_longer_i_fast_the_longer_i_want_to/
I'm currently at 2 days and 16 hrs. I was going to eat today, but then decided I want to go 3 days.

My food is gonna go bad. I'm telling myself I will eat it at 72 hours, but I know I'm not going to want to.

I've never even gone 2 days before. I usually feel like I'm gonna die at 24 hours. But this time around I feel so great I don't want to eat ever again.

I know I should eat tonight, cause I should probably build up to longer fasts instead of just quitting food cold turkey like this. But I really don't want to... I don't even know how to properly reintroduce food after a long fast. I hate liquid food like soup.

How long can I reasonably fast without having problems? Cause I like doing it.

The biggest thing I'm afraid of is if I eat tonight, I'm gonna blow up and look fat tomorrow and the scale is gonna say I'm fat again.

Edit: broke the fast right at 72 hours. Had some fruit. Now I'm tired.

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself so much and I want to die
Created: Fri Mar 16 14:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84yi39/i_hate_myself_so_much_and_i_want_to_die/

[Rant/Rave] I’m caught.
Created: Fri Mar 16 14:05:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ydal/im_caught/

[Other] Starting to forget that most people eat breakfast...
/u/OrneryMushroom [5'7" | SW:173.6 | CW:153.6 | GW:130 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 13:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84y3f8/starting_to_forget_that_most_people_eat_breakfast/
I didn’t realize how much my mindset has started to change until today and it kind of freaked me out.

My class got a 10 minute break during lecture and like half left to grab food and pretty much everyone was complaining about being hungry or hangry. I just looked at the clock and thought “but it’s not even 12?” because I do the 16:8 fasting and only eat from 12-8, and “well yeah me too, all the time, but I’m not complaining...”

Then I took a second and realized a few months ago I was one of those people and every break I would be hungry and be snacking on something. It was always pretty healthy, but I was always eating. It’s weird how fast your mindset can change...

[Other] EC Stack: Day 2
Created: Fri Mar 16 12:46:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84xs9c/ec_stack_day_2/
Yesterday, I EC stacked twice and was able to eat below my TDEE for the first time in over a week. This is AMAZING. I caved and ate a brownie because my boyfriend was kind enough to make me some, but not eating all day beforehand made it ok.

I have to work in about an hour and a half and I just took another EC stack. I also ate a quest bar so there's at least something in my stomach. I am so determined to drop below 90 lbs by the end of April and I think this will be a useful aid for me to achieve my goal.

As far as side effects go, I've felt: slight shakiness, euphoria, lots of energy (I did ab workouts and it was so easy for once!), feeling hot and cold at the same time, and dry mouth. I don't plan on becoming dependant on the EC stacks, but caffeine alone wasn't cutting it for me.

HUGE THANK YOU to everyone on this sub and everyone who gave me advice and recommendations the other day. You all are strong, amazing people. 💜

[Discussion] Weight gain from yoga?
Created: Fri Mar 16 12:18:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84xk5t/weight_gain_from_yoga/
I’m annoyed, y’all.

I’ve been high restricting for a while (between 1000 and 1500 depending on the day), but recently have been staying pretty hard at 1200. I’ve been seeing a therapist and am trying to equalize and hate myself less.... I know, crazy.

So I started doing Yoga with Adriene videos every day. My weight loss has totally stalled, and has even crept up slightly.

There’s no way I’m gaining muscle (I’m on day eight I believe)... has anyone else had this? Should I try to cut to 1000 firm?

[Other] i need to get this off my chest (non ed)
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: underweight | "maintaining" | 22f]
Created: Fri Mar 16 12:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84xiwn/i_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest_non_ed/
edit: this post is about dubious sexual consent fyi

i met up with my ex last night at a bar to discuss a trip that we were supposed to go on (planned it before we broke up). i drank 2 drinks on an empty stomach, after months of not drinking liquor, and don't remember leaving the bar. i came to in the bathroom in his apartment, throwing up, and then again in his bed, naked, with him touching me. a few times i said "stop" and he would before trying again a few minutes later—eventually i guess that i was visibly really uncomfortable and kept saying "stop" and he did. i know that he crossed a line but i can't stop blaming myself for putting myself in that situation by drinking. i'm so scared of telling my current partner because i'm worried that it will only come across as me being unfaithful. sorry, i know this is not ed related at all and i will delete it if it shouldn't be posted here. i just needed to get this off my chest. i feel so horrible and guilty and ashamed.

[Rant/Rave] I just want to get in my car and drive away. But I can't.
Created: Fri Mar 16 11:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84xdda/i_just_want_to_get_in_my_car_and_drive_away_but_i/

[Rant/Rave] Feel like my bf is encouraging me
Created: Fri Mar 16 11:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84xa7e/feel_like_my_bf_is_encouraging_me/
He knows I struggle with food a lot and I know it concerns him, and I feel bad even saying this bc I know he only wants to help but damn I have been getting bad again (and by that I mean good bc I’ve been restricting again) and he doesn’t seem to notice/think my habits are an issue.

He has encouraged me to start working out, which I expressed I will take to the extreme and I’ve had issues in the past (not that big of a deal)

I told him I want to eat healthy (I’ve been eating our every day and bingeing) so he will cook me dinner every night- usually some sort of meat and veggies and portioned well so I know it can’t be over like 800 cals if that. He knows this is the only meal I’ll eat all day.

But the biggest one is he knows I don’t eat fri-sun and won’t eat if I’m not with him. So he knows I go 72 hours without eating and doesn’t seem to have an issue with it.

Maybe he just doesn’t want to push me too much? Or doesn’t know how to help? He really is amazing so I feel bad thinking negatively like this. It’s just been fucking w me a little bit- like maybe I’m not even that bad and I need to be more extreme?


[Help] I'm fucked, or alternatively, chicken alfredo from scratch
/u/wednesdayschild_ [5'3" | CW: No idea | BMI: Too scared to know | WL: Not enough]
Created: Fri Mar 16 11:38:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84x94h/im_fucked_or_alternatively_chicken_alfredo_from/
My roommate is planning on making chicken alfredo from scratch sometime within the next week and I am absolutely terrified. I'm hoping she'll just forget about making it altogether. I have no idea what I'll do. I can't eat that. I can't. I don't know how I can get out of this. She wants it to be a group dinner with our other roommates and make a big production out of it where we all help cook, eat together, and clean up together. I don't know how I'll get through this, especially since I'm beginning to struggle with eating in front of other people. I'm fucked.

[Tip] Purge harm reduction tip I wanted to share~
Created: Fri Mar 16 11:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84x6uj/purge_harm_reduction_tip_i_wanted_to_share/

[Other] Looking for fitbit friends
/u/ED2134 [168cm | fat | female| -10kg]
Created: Fri Mar 16 10:47:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wviz/looking_for_fitbit_friends/
Hey I have been gone for a while but i am back ;)
I know we had a few threads about fitbit friends in the past, but i feel like a creep adding people on fitbit whoo posted their info a month (or even longer) ago.

Having some people on fitbit might keep me accountable.

If anybody is interessted pm me or comment your info.

( I am not posting my fitbit email here, because it contains my full name ;) )

[Other] DAOE hoard like this? Day off project
Created: Fri Mar 16 10:45:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wuwc/daoe_hoard_like_this_day_off_project/

[Rant/Rave] Frozen food probs
/u/vctrlcs [5'6" | CW: 140.6 | UGW: 115 | BMI: 22.8 | 19F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 10:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wqe9/frozen_food_probs/
This is such a stupid problem to have but I bought a frozen lunch for work today, but then I ate a quest bar at like 11 cause i didnt have breakfast and i caved. So now im not hungry but i HAVE to eat this lean cuisine thing or it will spoil and thats a huge waste of food and money. but i dont wanna waste calories by eating when im not hungry.

this is so dumb but im literally panicking about it because im a huge moron lmao

[Discussion] I wonder what percentage of posters here can define what a calorie actually is
Created: Fri Mar 16 10:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wp67/i_wonder_what_percentage_of_posters_here_can/

[Discussion] Show on Netflix from New Zealand called The Big Ward about weight loss surgery patients
/u/holly-mint [5'4" 24F cw: 🐄 gw: 🌸]
Created: Fri Mar 16 10:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wkh9/show_on_netflix_from_new_zealand_called_the_big/
Hi y'all, I've been gone for a while but back again-- I've been dealing with EDNOS (or I guess it's now called OSFED) for about half my life, I move between restricting, "healthy" relationship with food and binging, the length of time of each stage in the cycle differs depending on what else is going on in my life, and I've been in a binge phase for quite a while (over a year) and have gotten legitimately fat (obese BMI). I'm getting married in a bit under a year so something switched in my brain recently and I've jumped back into restricting. My fiance knows about all this and is very supportive, helps me with harm reduction and is also losing a bit of weight along with me but the healthy way. We also want to start trying for children after our wedding and at this point my high weight is a risk factor so we'll be working together to get me down to a healthy weight and then shift to maintaining and getting lots of nutrition for the few months before the wedding.

Anyway, the reason I'm making this post is we found a show on Netflix about WLS patients, and have been watching it together. It's honestly really sad how some of the people are so poorly educated about food and nutrition-- there was a scene where the clinic dietician was counselling a patient who was housebound and had relied on her father for everything until he passed away from obesity-related illness. They were looking at a poster of all different fruits and vegetables to brainstorm ideas for healthy foods that the patient might like to eat instead of the KFC and bread she was currently living on... and the patient truly didn't know what red cabbage, green beans, zucchini etc are. It was really heartbreaking to watch! But super interesting to see the kind of misinformation and the family dynamics that were playing out over and over again with different patients. It gave my fiance and I some ideas of what is contributing to our binge eating and how to move away from that.

In another scene they introduced a new patient who was a Samoan woman named Kimiora who is only 20 years old and a size 23 (not sure how NZ sizes convert). I asked my fiance if I am the same size as her and he said "What? No. You are WAY thinner than her." I told him that couldn't be possible because she looks exactly how I see my body in the mirror and I do lots of body checks multiple times a day so it couldn't be wrong. Lol. He just kept repeating that in complete honesty I am nowhere near her size. I believe him but I also don't know what to think because I didn't think I had significant body dysmorphia or whatever you call that cliche picture of a skinny girl looking in a mirror and seeing a fat girl that they use in all the anorexia awareness campaigns.

Has anyone else dealt with body dysmorphia and not know they have it until someone corrected their observations?

[Rant/Rave] I picked up some kind of stomach virus in Mexico
/u/IdidntChooseThis [UGW: Dead LW: not dead]
Created: Fri Mar 16 10:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wi2a/i_picked_up_some_kind_of_stomach_virus_in_mexico/
So I spent a few days in Cancun and ate mainly local food/ back alley (less sketch than it sounds) food at these little stands nestled between buildings and what not, and ever since I've been back I've been sick as hell, and just as I thought I was getting better, it came back with a vengeance with last night being the worst night yet.

So yeah, just wanted to let y'all know that Mexico has really good food but it lacks the sanitation needed to not fuck you up.

On the bright side I must be losing some weight from all this, on the downside my scale needs new batteries so I can't check my weight.

Happy shitting y'all

[Discussion] Do you need help calculating calories?
Created: Fri Mar 16 09:55:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84wgvb/do_you_need_help_calculating_calories/
There was a post over on r/proEDmemes about chips I did a breakdown for them and it was fun so if I can help break something down for you let me know here is what I did.

Nacho 1chip is roughly 12 calories
Zesty 1chip is roughy 14 calories
Cool ranch 1chip is roughly 12 calories

Crunch 1”chip” is roughly 7calories
Flaming hot 1”chip” is roughly 8calories
Puffs 1”chip” is roughly 13calories

Classics 1chip is roughly 7calories
BBQ 1chip is roughly 10calories
Dill 1chip is roughly 10calories
Salt&vinegar 1chip is roughly 10 calories

Original 1chip is roughly 21calories
Hint of lime 1chip is roughly 25calories
Hint of jalapeños 23calories
Multigrain round 1chip is roughly 18calories

[Help] If c/s is so bad for you, why is chewing gum okay?
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 🇨🇦 ♂︎]
Created: Fri Mar 16 09:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84waet/if_cs_is_so_bad_for_you_why_is_chewing_gum_okay/
I know that you absorb *some* calories from c/s, but why is it actually that much worse for you than having a piece of gum?

[Goal] I need a 'Challenge' to get this weight loss going...
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 09:24:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84w8j8/i_need_a_challenge_to_get_this_weight_loss_going/

[Discussion] Is anyone else terrified to get on the scale, regardless of the fact they worked out and restricted the day before?
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Fri Mar 16 09:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84w8fh/is_anyone_else_terrified_to_get_on_the_scale/
My brain's telling me to stay in bed, it's pointless, I gained, but I only ate 600cals yesterday even though my family dragged me to my favourite restaurant, and i worked out about 100cals worth.

And even though my mind's doing that, the piece of shit is also telling me to binge on the takeout my dad is getting tonight :/ choose a damn side

/u/peridoti [5'0 | 130 lb | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 09:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84w5mt/i_didnt_restrict_or_weigh_myself_for_a_week_and/
nearly cried with joy when I stepped on the scale today. Of course my first thought was "wow, I guess this thing is broken."

but guys...
I ate breakfast all last week. I ate two brownies. I KEPT A WHOLE PACKET OF RAMEN NOODLES DOWN.


[Discussion] Are you guys on Instagram?
/u/mintslut [4'11 | CW: whale | 22F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 08:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84voli/are_you_guys_on_instagram/
Who do you follow? What are some good thinspo/fitspo instas? And if you're comfortable with me following you, tell me your insta as well :)

I don't know what's wrong with me...
Created: Fri Mar 16 07:43:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84vhyn/i_dont_know_whats_wrong_with_me/
Thank you for whoever is reading this. So, like 10 minutes ago, I had 20 cals worth of romaine lettuce because I needed to take some DayQuil and apperently you can't take it on an empty stomach -_-. So I was hungry again and I was having a battle in my mind on weather I should eat it or not and I was like "fuck it" even though I worked so damn hard yesterday to not eat more than my 40 cals. Two weeks ago we had bought 4 boxes of different types of captin crunch. I got 2 and another family member got 2. So back to the present. I go into the pantry and look for my 2nd box of captin crunch... Not there. That's when I see that it's open on the shelf. The other family member that got the other boxes told me it was my godfathers girlfriend. That's where I go just shut down. I woke up feeling like shit and the energy just drained out of me and I get this. I have never felt this way before but now I just don't want to eat and I don't want it and I don't want anything else. I am mad and sad and I'm usually possessive over food whilst restricting but not this damn much. I think it's the fact that I didn't get to open it and shit got me. I have another box of cereal (cookie crunch) but I have a feeling that she ate some of that too. I would have been fine with this but after the past things that have happened, this was like a silent breaking point for me. I just feel so petty and so possessive and I shouldn't even be this way. I just don't know what to do.

[Rant/Rave] I'm being vegan anyway
/u/chocoooomuffin [5'9" | CW 153 | BMI 22.6 | -35 lbs | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 07:28:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84velh/im_being_vegan_anyway/
Hi! Long-time lurker, first time poster. I started seeing a nutritionist recently to try to get help for all my disordered shit, but after like 3 visits I couldn't deal with her anymore. I just felt like she wasn't actually connecting with me and just treated me like a problem that needed to be fixed. Like, I used to be vegan for a while and it morphed into an ED, but at its core it was just me trying to make a little bit of a difference in the world. Honestly ever since I stopped being vegan I've always felt kinda purposeless/lost, so I decided that I don't care if it fuels my ED, I want to still have that little spark of passion that makes me want to save all the animals and make conscious choices that are in line with my ideals. My nutritionist told me I should be eating animal products (because there was one day that I was really craving meat and I ate some turkey sausage and felt better) and that no foods are off-limits. Which she may be right about, but I don't LIKE eating animals. Everyone always tells me I shouldn't be vegan, but I love doing it. I love knowing that my food is healthy and unprocessed, I love knowing that my food choices line up with my moral values, and I love looking at vegan food Instagrams because they're always so pretty and nice. And it honestly gives me more freedom around food, because I know that pretty much everything vegan (ignoring oreos and accidentally vegan junk food) is good for me.

I don't think I should have to eat butter or cheese or chicken or whatever just because it supposedly gives me more freedom around food. I know I can eat whatever I want. I choose not to, because I don't want to get fat again and I want to make conscious choices. So anyway, I'm just kinda annoyed/fed up with people talking shit about veganism and acting like I'm some kind of fucked up person for wanting to save the animals.

I don't know what the point of this is. I just wanted to put it somewhere because I feel like people here will get it.

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 16, 2018
Created: Fri Mar 16 06:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84uy8h/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
This is the weekly picture thread for March 16, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 16, 2018
Created: Fri Mar 16 06:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84uy76/daily_food_diary_march_16_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 16, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Goal] I started the ABC diet
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | SW: 128 | CW: 99 | GW:88 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 05:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84usph/i_started_the_abc_diet/

[Help] Lightheaded
Created: Fri Mar 16 05:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84umod/lightheaded/
Hi there!

New here, on mobile.

I restrict to 800-850 kcal net a day, and it is going well. Lost 6 kg in 1 month.

However, every afternoon I get lightheaded and feel as if I'm about to faint. My colleagues have noticed I'm not as productive as I was before (2500 kcal a day).

Any tips to fight this? I feel that one day I might actually hit the floor.


[Rant/Rave] "Normal" eating looks disordered to me now + Plus other screwed thoughts
/u/bunnywithbpd [Height 5"1 | CW 113 lb | HW 128 lb | UGW 95 lb]
Created: Fri Mar 16 05:01:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ulci/normal_eating_looks_disordered_to_me_now_plus/
Like when people complain about eating so many sweets..."Oh it's so good but it's gonna make me so fat XD" My ED brain is like "you're eating them for the taste/joy right? Why not chew and spit it out? Why not puke out the food? It's not worth it." And honestly don't get why they shouldn't.

Also I saw 2 young girls like me just buy a crap ton of junk food laughing in a grocery store, talking about how they should buy more, my ED is like "how? How could you put that in your body without throwing up? That's so much sugar/fat...Are you insane?"

I also look at various junk foods in the store and just question why people would put that in their body. It just looks like a legalized drugs to me. Because you eat junk food to feel good, not for fuel, just like you would do drugs to feel good. So I see everyone as drug addicts...

There's also this thing I do when I puke, I just stare at the vomit, imagining it all as pure fat clumps and if I didn't purge it wouldve transformed into my own fat. And this really messes with me especially with food. It seems "pure and innocent" and looks all pretty but when you put it in your mouth you transform it into some disgusting tasteless fat chow for your body. It's black magic.

Anyway just a list of terrible terrible thoughts I had. It feels really distorted but it feels so LOGICALLY right. What the f**k, how do you guys cope with this crap?

[Other] Antibiotics, illness and water weight?
/u/Indigobeet [162cm | 62kg | 24.3 | 0 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 04:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84uj6g/antibiotics_illness_and_water_weight/
I've come down with bacterial tonsillitis and have had a really high fever the last few days and am prescribed antibiotics for it (amoxicillin, pretty standard, I already feel better). I have also eaten more than usual this week as I've felt really physically tired from restriction and the antibiotics make my stomach really upset so I can't take them without having some food. I should average out at maintenance by the end of this week.
However, I am extremely paranoid that I will gain weight(fat) from this week and am constantly body checking, measuring and etc. I feel so fluffy already. This is driving me mad, could I be retaining water from the food/meds/illness? Anyone have any advice or consolidation?

Also on mobile, please flats as other. If this doesn't warrant its own thread, I'm sorry, please delete it.

[Other] What's for dinner?
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:96 / BMI: 18.56 / GW: 85]
Created: Fri Mar 16 04:01:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84uav7/whats_for_dinner/
Pretty sure I look like a fuckin' weirdo because I always ask my boyfriend "what's for dinner" first thing in the morning. I just need to know if I can waste 100-200 cal on breakfast. Luckily he's not caught on, and even asks me first sometimes. I did the same thing when I lived with my parents, and it annoyed my mother so much. lol I just wanna plan my day.

[Rant/Rave] Entered The Twilight Zone AKA my tiny coworker complimented my legs
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Fri Mar 16 03:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84u54p/entered_the_twilight_zone_aka_my_tiny_coworker/
There really isn't more to the story. My coworker complimented my legs.

"they're so long and thin! I wish we could swap!"

She's like a size 8 or 10 and has a thigh gap. And not like a 'stand a certain way' gap, like a proper thigh gap.

I can't even.

[Help] How to suppress appetite at a physical level?
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 298.4 | Goal: 270 | 46.7 | 0 | F ]
Created: Fri Mar 16 03:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84u26t/how_to_suppress_appetite_at_a_physical_level/
I know this walks the line on at least one rule, most notably Rule 1 and Rule 2, however it's quite clear that I'm not asking *how* to ED, I've been here years on and off struggling with fasting but mostly binge urges, and I'm not asking for medical advice, I'm asking for what has worked for others.

I'm stuck in an insidious binge cycle. I cannot stop, and I cannot stop myself from eating I've tried fasting several times over the past two weeks and failed. I started walking 8+mi a day to try to counter, but that only made me hungrier. The only time recently I had food in front of me that I didn't want to and couldn't stand to eat it was when I had two bottles of Robitussin in my stomach. The idea of eating even another bite of my burrito was physically repulsive. I just can't be on DXM constantly or I'll end up in a mental ward.

I have gone so far as to try to get sick by eating expired chicken and pork. I didn't get sick.

So what has worked for others who have been in binge cycles to make food repulsive? I've tried things like drinking water before I eat until I'm basically full and smelling disgusting smells, the water just makes the binge more satisfying in a sick sort of way, and I eat food out of the trash, so the psychological grossness doesn't work. The only time I've ever been so bad psychologically that I didn't want to eat was after my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It's gotta make my body physically not want food. This is the only way I beat this binge cycle.

[Other] Corn allergy
Created: Fri Mar 16 02:14:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84tvm4/corn_allergy/
So, I’m pretty fuckin sure I have a corn allergy (only through trial and error, I’m seeing a doc in a few weeks), and I have very mixed feelings about it. I’m mostly orthorexic so part of me is super fucking stoked I have a legitimate reason to not eat high fructose corn syrup, corn meal, or corn starch. It eliminates so much fucking food. Like 100% of any processed food has some form of corn, even the “healthy” kinds. But also I’m bummed. I can’t eat out pretty much at all, and I’m a super lazy cook. But also I’m excited I can’t eat out because I’ll be saving money and mystery calories. BUT it’s also nice to have the fucking option to eat out now and then even if I might (read:will) hate myself for it later. UGH. Does anyone else on this sub have a corn allergy?

[Rant/Rave] Looking for a sign... and got it
Created: Fri Mar 16 01:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84tsoe/looking_for_a_sign_and_got_it/
First idk if I should flair this intro because long time lurker, first time poster. Struggled with disordered eating since I was 13 and I’m 21 now. Sorry if I’m doing anything wrong, please let me know! Anyway hi!

I’ve always been afraid to post because I didn’t think I was disordered enough or had anything important to say. Whenever I do something, I always silently say to the universe like “show me a sign if I should do ____”

So I was thinking about getting back into regular fasting and basically being consumed by ED thoughts, not paying attention in my biochem lecture today... until my professor writes “STOP EATING” on the blackboard... underlined twice!!

Okay universe, I hear you.

(for those interested, we’re working on a fat metabolism section and she was defining leptin, which tells the brain that a person has enough nutrients. The quickest way to describe its function is that it says STOP EATING! The whole section about about fat storage vs what your body does while fasting is so weirdly motivational. But also scary, like ketone bodies causing acidosis and stuff. Yay science?)

tldr: I asked the universe if I should fast more. It said yes with two underlines. If you want more motivation, take metabolic biochemistry.

Anyone else see signs in random places? Or get inspiration from biology?

An accurate representation of my first term in college.
Created: Fri Mar 16 00:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84tkfv/an_accurate_representation_of_my_first_term_in/

[Rant/Rave] Went through the Freshman 15. Not going through the Sophomore 20!
/u/Korraaa [5'6 | CW: 114.6 GW: 110 |]
Created: Fri Mar 16 00:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84tkfl/went_through_the_freshman_15_not_going_through/

hi restriction vs lo restriction
/u/please1996 [Height 5'5.6 | CW 140 | GW 110 | 22F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 23:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84t8m0/hi_restriction_vs_lo_restriction/

[Discussion] Gaining weight rapidly
/u/slowlydoesit1 [163cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1:48]
Created: Thu Mar 15 22:39:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84sxcl/gaining_weight_rapidly/
Would super love some support or advice my friends!

| Background |

Started restricting over the last few years but last year was extra stressful, I managed as a result to get down to roughly 55kgs in late November.

As my mood improved over the Christmas and new year break, my weight crept up. Then there was so family drama that went down, which would usually trigger restricting but it didn’t.

However over the last month I have reverted to a weird binge habit. I have never been a binge type for the most part. I mean even normal people have days where they just eat lots of junk right?

| Current |

This morning I weighed in at 63 kgs. Considering in late November I was sitting at 55 that is a shit load of weight gain. I don’t understand how the whole binge eating disorder functions so I feel like I don’t know how to treat it. Ideally I would like to beat my restriction disorder but this whole gaining weight rapidly thing is NOT what I want either.

I don’t really know what I’m asking. Any tips to get out of a binge cycle? I told myself when university went back the patterns of that would probably help but so far that hasn’t been the case. Do I need to be concerned? Also nope I have not updated my flair. Nope nope nope.

I C/S in front of my friend
Created: Thu Mar 15 22:30:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84svnr/i_cs_in_front_of_my_friend/

[Tip] Anyone else find themselves eating family size bags of Doritos?
Created: Thu Mar 15 22:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84susz/anyone_else_find_themselves_eating_family_size/

So I recently visited a nutritionist...
Created: Thu Mar 15 22:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84st5y/so_i_recently_visited_a_nutritionist/

I, too, have an dorito
Created: Thu Mar 15 22:11:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84srwr/i_too_have_an_dorito/

Hot damn Doritos are delicious
Created: Thu Mar 15 22:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84spuq/hot_damn_doritos_are_delicious/

[Help] Bulimia recovery and hunger/fullness
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Thu Mar 15 21:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84shk8/bulimia_recovery_and_hungerfullness/
For anyone that has recovered, whether it was past or continued to the present, how long did it take for your hunger and fullness cues to normalize? I’ve been trying to recover for a few months and have had some good weeks and some bad ones. Sometimes I’m truly not hungry and then at night I’m starving. I’ve stopped counting calories(huge trigger), so I keep a rough track but also feel like my ED causes me to overestimate anything that doesn’t have a label/is homemade.
Should I be eating in a structured manor or just riding out the strange eating habits until my body normalizes?

I just ate a family size bag of Doritos
Created: Thu Mar 15 21:13:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84sg6n/i_just_ate_a_family_size_bag_of_doritos/

[Rant/Rave] What even is recovery
/u/Idunnoking [5’2 | CW87.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Thu Mar 15 20:41:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84s9h9/what_even_is_recovery/
SOooo I finally admitted to my parents of my suspected possession of an ed a couple weeks ago. I can thank many of you for contributing to that decision as a result of all the support this sub has offered me since it gave me the push I rlly needed to be honest with them and most importantly, myself. As lovely as all this is, my eating is still whacked 😂 I’m in this terrible quasi recovery where I go from not counting but consciously restricting portions to whipping out the scale at random and calculating things to a tee because I’m stuck between wanting to maintain/lose so that I can receive validation through my ever approaching treatment/assessment (as I have yet to receive a diagnosis or a meal plan) and wanting to gain just so I won’t feel like utter shit. 😂 I know professionals won’t throw my ass out on the curb if I gain weight in the two weeks between my initial meeting and the next one, but my ed is just telling me “get sicker!!!” Like what the hell is this limbo ?? I also feel like I can’t focus on anything because my brain/personality is absorbed by my ed, it makes it so difficult to do school or even navigate a conversation. I’m hoping that by my next meeting they’ll give me a meal plan because honestly, I feel at this point I need permission to eat ? Like I want to indulge but I feel like a fake right now. Plus I didn’t realize but I wasn’t 5”1 like I thought initially but instead I’m 5”2 so my bmi is lower then I thought and I can barely understand the severity of my appearance/condition ?? Like those around me say I look terrible but the dysmorphia is like “u look average, maybe a little thin but they’re lying otherwise!”

u g h

I don’t know if anyone can relate but I had to get it out somewhere cause it’s a straight mess

The only plus to this is now that I’m out to my parents I was able to get Coke Zero while grocery shopping without being asked why😂😩 some habits never die yikes

[Other] Damage control plan
Created: Thu Mar 15 20:19:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84s4v8/damage_control_plan/

[Rant/Rave] Spicy food to avoid b/p-ing
Created: Thu Mar 15 20:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84s1y2/spicy_food_to_avoid_bping/
Eating food is my biggest huge trigger. Fucking inconvenient.

After a really bad week, I’m trying a new strategy: something spicy as part of every “meal”. So spicy it hurts a bit while you eat it, but in a good way. A big chunk of wasabi on a piece of sushi, some spicy mustard on an egg, too much chilli on my caulk rice, etc.

I absolutely hate being full so won’t binge unless I can purge, but I’m too scared of purging up something spicy. If I’m wrong about how awful it would be, please don’t correct me, let me keep the delusion 🙃

[Discussion] When your sick, your family don’t have to know how much your eating
Created: Thu Mar 15 19:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84rrj9/when_your_sick_your_family_dont_have_to_know_how/
So I am down with the flu, and a infection in my kidneys, and so I just been not eating a lot for the last week or so and I haven’t weighed myself but I feel I lot lighter. Does anyone else do this when they are sick or even fake sick to get out of eating

[Rant/Rave] Turns out fasting really is good for my health
Created: Thu Mar 15 19:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84rp3g/turns_out_fasting_really_is_good_for_my_health/
I have a clotting disorder, and the likelihood of clotting drastically increases after pregnancy

But good news, fasting increases clot breakdown! By a lot!

Turns out I'm healthy af 😂

Now if only I could stop binging...

[Rant/Rave] why am i like this part 267
Created: Thu Mar 15 19:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84rnre/why_am_i_like_this_part_267/

[Other] When your best friend has no idea lol
/u/fluffyfinaland [5'6"| CW 151.8 | GW 120 | -20.2 | 21F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 18:17:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84rd48/when_your_best_friend_has_no_idea_lol/

[Help] using modafinal as an appetite suppressant—how many mg do you take?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: underweight | "maintaining" | 22f]
Created: Thu Mar 15 18:13:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84rc7x/using_modafinal_as_an_appetite_suppressanthow/

[Help] Anyone take vyvanse? Is it better to take it on an empty stomach or with food? What time?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 18:08:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ravq/anyone_take_vyvanse_is_it_better_to_take_it_on_an/
I just got prescribed vyvanse but forgot to ask the doctor f I should take it with food etc. she said take it around 10 AM. Does anyone here take it? And how do I best maximize the appetite suppressant aspect? Thanks!

P.s. in the past I’ve had issues with slow digestion/delayed stomach emptying to my concern is that food might delay digesting the vyvanse. I have no idea if that’s a valid concern.

[Rant/Rave] when lunch time rolls around ( at work )
/u/katijaiv [5'10 | CW no good | f]
Created: Thu Mar 15 17:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84r2du/when_lunch_time_rolls_around_at_work/
my friends and i usually get together to eat our food together and have quality friend time ( work is pretty quiet and solitary so we don't talk much while working ). anyways, i stopped joining them a month or more ago now just because of how embarrassed i am to be eating. i try at least once a week but find i end up scarfing my food down within 5 minutes so that i can no longer look disgusting ??? even though they're healthy lunches ( salad, cucumbers, peppers, oranges, some type of small lean meat ). a few days ago i tried to eat with them again and when i finished my meal one friend went "oh wow you finished that really quickly -- oh and wow! you're eating with us today." also not to mention earlier on during the day when i first got into work another friend was like "nice outfit so curvy!!!!" horrible fucking words to hear. i've decided to no longer eat with them after this, it really killed me ( especially when i felt cute and tiny that day ). god. anyways... my question is..... how do i NOT lose these friendships i guess? seems like they don't really acknowledge me or get more rude and witty when i don't join them. sorry for the rant ):

[Rant/Rave] Me and my thunder thighs
Created: Thu Mar 15 17:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84r15l/me_and_my_thunder_thighs/

[Discussion] Chicken thigh vs breast for broth?
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:252|CW:227| GW:112| HW:294| 27F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 16:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qtpq/chicken_thigh_vs_breast_for_broth/
I have some chicken thighs in the freezer I won't eat due to higher calories. I thought I could put them in the slow cooker with bouillon cubes and make a broth, drain off, discard the meat/bones and add chicken breast and zero noodles to make a kind of chicken noodle soup. My question is: Would broth made this way have a considerably higher calorie content due to skin/fat etc? I don't mind just using chicken breast instead and ditching the thighs. Thanks!

[Discussion] So incredibly conspicuous
Created: Thu Mar 15 16:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qqys/so_incredibly_conspicuous/
It all feels so obvious:

Electrolyte tablets but no intense exercise. Home all day but no dirty dishes. Healthy/clean food but also coke and energy drinks. Messy room but clean toilet.

What are your ED oxymorons?

Bonus anecdote: I weigh myself in front of my partner, but have been drinking increasing amounts of liquid first and/or holding more objects. It’s the “how long can I pretend I’m 127” game. I’m 122 today. I’ve crossed the line from weirdo to lunatic.

(Mobile, sorry, flair discussion I guess?)

[Rant/Rave] Sick, can't work out, and can't stop bingeing!
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 108.6 | 20.1 | -12 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 16:35:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qnw4/sick_cant_work_out_and_cant_stop_bingeing/
I've fine down with a nasty cold and haven't been able to exercise all week. I hate myself for that, and what's worse, the last two days have been a constant binge. Yesterday I had 1100 calories. Today, it's nearing 1300!! And that's not counting the dozens of losenges I've gone through. My throat is aching and I've had literally a gallon and a half of hot tea, but only warm, soft food like oatmeal really seems to soothe it. I've tried heating up applesauce (Ew) and steaming and mashing broccoli, but I binged on that until my stomach ached. Then, when my stomach physically couldn't hold any more volume, I took so much chloraseptic spray over the course of the night that i involuntary vomited! HOW do I make myself STOP?!!

I need this cold to be over.... some people can't eat when they're ill. Why am I cursed like this???

[Rant/Rave] Friend made me a pound cake for my birthday
Created: Thu Mar 15 16:35:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qnvy/friend_made_me_a_pound_cake_for_my_birthday/

[Rant/Rave] Parents are worried .... about my sister
/u/EDProgrammer [5'8 | CW: 124 | 18.93 | Lost: 22 | F | 21 ]
Created: Thu Mar 15 16:17:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qit8/parents_are_worried_about_my_sister/
First of all: a small introduce. I was already active in this sub but i was scared that someone would find my account because I used the same name as in my gaming accounts. (I know stupid me). Sorry for my english in advance. Im from Germany :)

Sooo as the title says my parents are worried. But not about me but because of the weight of my older sister. AND I DONT GET WHY. Yes she is super skinny. But she does sport all the time because she is a fire dancer and does ballett. And additional she is a vegetarian and eats healthy all the time. THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
My second sister told me that they tell her to eat more all the time.

It took them 7 months !! to even realise that i lost weight. And additional to that i am eating almost nothing when i am visiting them. Its not like i want them to be worried its just that i feel less important....

Anyone else here with a sister that gets all the attention :I ?

[Rant/Rave] Super tmi
Created: Thu Mar 15 16:01:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qefw/super_tmi/

[Rant/Rave] New job forces me to walk 3 miles per day 😁
/u/chocolate_9_T [5"0 | 109😭 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 15:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84qdiz/new_job_forces_me_to_walk_3_miles_per_day/
This was a huge factor when i applied for this job ...

I'm so ecstatic !!!! This is a 45 minute walk one way and then again on the way back. I'm so excited ! I could take a bus but I hate spending money on things like bus fare haha

Plus i can skip lunch and eat fruit and don't have to come home for lunch.

Also I'll be on my feet a lot, in my previous job it was sedentary desk job and I've put on a fuck load of weight

If I start my day right then I'll be less likely to fuck it up and waste the entire day right?

Only downside is the new place pays a lot less ... But I think I'll be happier overall....

[Help] how much apple cider vinegar is too much acv ?
/u/Suusss [| 5'6 | 143 / 130 / 120 / 117 \\ 115 \\ 111 \\ 109]
Created: Thu Mar 15 15:23:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84q4a8/how_much_apple_cider_vinegar_is_too_much_acv/
Read somewhere today that vinegar products lead to an increase of yeast production, which ya know leads to yeast infection. Anyone have any idea? I usually drink a shot and a half a day diluted in a huge glass water bottle, I dont want to overshoot it ;)

*edit - you can NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH apple cider vinegar! (probably not literally)

[Help] How to dress when you've gained weight?
Created: Thu Mar 15 15:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84q2gk/how_to_dress_when_youve_gained_weight/
Hi guys. So I have gained weight recently and now I hate myself + all the clothes I own even more. I need advice on how to dress now that I've gained weight. I am more concerned on how to hide my top half since I gain more weight in the upper body. I don't care how childish or how business or how sporty I look - I'll go for any style as long as I feel even a tiny bit better about myself. Thanks

[Rant/Rave] Coworkers
/u/frameworkautoco [5'8" | 118 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 14:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84pp3z/coworkers/
Ok so I am 14 hours into a 19-hour fast (just switched to 19/5 intermittent fasting to avoid my b/p trigger at lunch). Obviously, I am sitting in my car watching about a dozen gif recipes and I look up


So I'm pretty sure he just saw me curled up watching food instead of eating. Super lol. Like I wasn't already the office weirdo.

[Rant/Rave] Done being the caregiver
/u/ELI5ThrowitawayELI5 [5’4 | 148 lbs | 25.9 | Trans]
Created: Thu Mar 15 14:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84pn5g/done_being_the_caregiver/
I have EDNOS and go through phases of eating normally (with very disordered thoughts/feelings) and restricting. I’ve finally figured out that my normal phases pretty much always coincide with times when other people have been heavily relying on me and forcing me into a caregiver role for them, and I’m sick of it. I got burned pretty badly in January by one of my closest friends who was leaning on my a lot for support, and it’s not only left me emotionally exhausted but also sent me into a total tailspin with my ED and restricting.

So this is it, I’m done being the one other people can count to not have issues. I miss being near my goal weight, and I’ve been putting other people’s feelings ahead of my own for far too long. Just needed to get it off my chest.

[Rant/Rave] I use fasting as a punishment for being a mess in social situations
/u/huumekuriiri [5'6'' | 132 | -15 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 14:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84phh8/i_use_fasting_as_a_punishment_for_being_a_mess_in/
Was awkward in a conversation with a friend's parent, blaming myself for not being polite & friendly enough. Solution: a 24 hour fast is enough to make up for the incident.

Was unintentionally rude to a friend, fast 'till I feel like I've served my sentence for it. Usually I use 24h for things this small.

DAE do this? I know fasting has nothing to do with the actual thing I've done and can't therefore help with it but I just get such a comfort in knowing that I've done SOMETHING to fix it. Usually I would just repeat the situation in my head over and over again at night until falling asleep.

(English is not my first language so sorry for the potential mistakes)

[Discussion] It's true, isn't it?
Created: Thu Mar 15 13:39:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84pb62/its_true_isnt_it/
I was enamored with some guy who treated me like I was never treated before, and he was my perfect type. I was a little thinner when I met him than I am now [see: kill me, please lol]

He lost interest and it has sucked ass. He was my ideal. Not sure if he was a player or it was me or my weight or whatever.

SO TELL ME: no fucking bullshit, no ~positive encouragement about finding yerself~, when you lose a lot of weight, they all come crawling back don't they? If you go from a higher average weight to a model weight and look beautiful, they will likely come back around huh?

Looking for similar experiences you guys had or truth.

I know this sounds unhealthy and pathetic. I only lose when I am heart-broken lol.

My coffee mug has all the feels
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'2" |CW:FMLlbs | GW:115lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 13:08:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84p2eh/my_coffee_mug_has_all_the_feels/

[Help] an academic & personal decline
Created: Thu Mar 15 12:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84oj8i/an_academic_personal_decline/

[Intro] not sure if a i have ED or not
Created: Thu Mar 15 11:46:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84oehg/not_sure_if_a_i_have_ed_or_not/
but i do have disordered eating behaviors. my clinical depression/anxiety was worse during 2015 - 2017ish & wasn't treated well with medication. last summer i was finally switched to a different antidepressant that works a little better but the old one made me so depressive/binge frequently. now im back to normal but it's like i never want to eat and anytime i do i feel terrible, not just physically but in my headspace as well. Anyways, im finally down to 112 lbs. and I'm 5'1, it's considered a healthy weight. But i still hate my body and feel so fat sometimes. My goal is 90lbs.

[Rant/Rave] Forced to recover, more petty than ever
Created: Thu Mar 15 11:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84o3dr/forced_to_recover_more_petty_than_ever/

[Rant/Rave] Hapiness makes me gain weight. I only lose when I'm miserable.
Created: Thu Mar 15 10:55:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84o059/hapiness_makes_me_gain_weight_i_only_lose_when_im/
I was down to 108, and I felt like a wet noodle all the time but you could see my bone structure and shit and I loved it. I'd just gotten through the roughest shit Ive ever dealt with in my life and literally couldnt stomach most food.

So i drank vodka and black coffee like all the time. I lost so much weight just....inadvertently. cause life sucked and I was numb to everything.

Now, im finally getting my life back and I got this new dude who I love, he drinks fancy sweet wines and likes to cook for me and shit. Its great honestly. My stomach growls again, and I have so much more energy.

BUT I'm back up to 114 and my self confidence is plummeting and I started calorie counting again...and dudes. Why.

I just wanna be happy. Why does being at 114 feel like I'm failing even though I'm super happy?? And I'm ravenous like all the time now....its almost like my body is trying to make up for the two months I literally couldnt eat.


[Discussion] So close to my goal/hit a new low
/u/whatsupbuttercup5 [5'3" | CW 89.2 | BMI 15.8 | UGW 88 | HW 126 | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 10:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84nybz/so_close_to_my_goalhit_a_new_low/
I finally broke under 90 lbs and am at 89.2 (BMI 15.8).

I arbitrarily selected 88 as my goal weeks ago because it was both under 90 lbs and under 16 BMI. But now that I'm so close I'm already thinking in my head "well it would be better to be 86-87 to be like REALLY established in the 80s." I had planned a Pizza Hut feast when I got near goal but now I'm like "But I have really good progress lately and don't want to ruin it."

I don't know how to eat like a normal person anymore. I don't know how to not care about losing weight. It's my only coping method right now and I'm not willing to give it up. Even as people are coming to me with concern, it's like I know I SHOULD care, but I just don't.

I don't think I'm fixable so I don't even care to try. And I don't know why, but being anorexic makes me feel special. Even though it doesn't really and might kill me. You guys relate?

[Goal] Beat my original UGW and it’s not enough.
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:114 |GW:100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 10:38:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84nuyv/beat_my_original_ugw_and_its_not_enough/
I met my original UGW this week and I’m even lighter now. When I first started restricting I weighed 142IBS and I wanted to be 115. This was last August. I remember wondering if I’d even get close to 115. I couldn’t even picture myself in the 120s. It seemed so fake and honestly I never thought I would reach that weight even with the amount of calories I would restrict to.

Once I hit 125 I remember being kind of excited that I was only 10IBS away from my goal. I thought about lowering my UGW even more since I was closer to it, but 115 still seemed unattainable in my mind.

At 118 I decided that 110 sounds like a better number, so I tried to ignore 115 and make it unimportant in my mind. I was so close that it didn’t count anymore. It wasn’t enough and I needed a better challenge.

Today I woke up at 114, and 100IBS doesn’t sound bad at all.

My UGW doesn’t even exist at this point, I just want to look like a pile of bones. My body now is exactly what I wanted to look like when I was 140+IBS, but now I dream about being less than 100 and looking extra frail and small. My friends and family are worried. Ive always been kind of bony even at higher weights but I’m starting to show it even more. Sitting hurts depending on the chair because it feels like bone on a hard surface. My boyfriend is scared to touch me because I feel so damn bony. I’ve been having a lot more “holy shit that’s me” moments when I look in the mirror. I literally started this month off at 118 with a goal of being 115 by my birthday in April and now I want to weigh even less.

Even with all that I want to keep going. I need to keep going. I remember being 140 and looking at this sub. I remember reading all the posts warning people to try and stop now if you notice ED behaviors. The warnings were so sad and people were talking about how it’s so hard to escape your ED and how this shit ruins lives and I never thought it was true. I used to assume people were being dramatic. I was so fucking wrong. I used to idolize people who would post body pics on Instagram looking super bony and now when I post outfit pics girls message me saying that they wish they had my body or wished they looked like me. Now I’m the one telling people to lose weight the healthy way and not to fall into ED behaviors and I’ve become the sub and forum posts I never believed in.

Honestly eating disorders are fucking crazy and I’m constantly in shock of how much this has consumed me and the things I’m no longer able to do or enjoy because of it. Even though I know this isn’t healthy and that I’m ruining my life, I’m so in love with what my body is becoming that I’m not willing to stop.

This shit is wild but I beat my original UGW and that’s all that really counts, right? ☠️

[Discussion] Nail-biting as a coping mechanism?
Created: Thu Mar 15 09:57:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84nitz/nailbiting_as_a_coping_mechanism/
My nail biting habits have disappeared since I was like... 12 years old. I formed a habit of keeping my nails pristine at all costs, not perfectly manicured, but always presentable and clean and NOT chewed up. I’ve been struggle with ednos for almost a year now, and i find myself biting my nails incessantly, they’re bleeding and hurting and i’m not stopping??!! I’ve browsed around this forum and mpa and i found that this is likely to be a coping mechanism. Any experiences?

[Other] NY post over here is trying to tell me strawberries don't have calories come on people.
Created: Thu Mar 15 09:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84na88/ny_post_over_here_is_trying_to_tell_me/

[Discussion] Is there a discord chat for people with an Ed?
Created: Thu Mar 15 09:00:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84n3id/is_there_a_discord_chat_for_people_with_an_ed/

[Rant/Rave] My travel anxiety is making me lose weight!!!
/u/requiemforatardis [5'6.5| CW: 119 GW: 95 | all flubber | LW: 102.5 | 23Agender]
Created: Thu Mar 15 08:42:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84mylz/my_travel_anxiety_is_making_me_lose_weight/
I went to Germany and now I'm in Prague, and I don't eat. I don't know how to ask for things!! I get too nervous and just don't order any food all day. It's amazing.

And I am too anxious to learn transit, so I'm walking 10+ miles a day.

If I don't lose 5 pounds bc of this I will kill myself lol.

[Discussion] Can we talk about involuntary inpatient treatment?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Thu Mar 15 07:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84miz3/can_we_talk_about_involuntary_inpatient_treatment/
I just have a few things i'd really like to discuss and i know damn well there's no where else i can be open about these things.

The most urgent of my concerns is, what exactly does it take for an adult to be forced into treatment? The answer, i know, is very individual but sure there must be some sort of guidelines.

The second point of discussion is, how do y'all feel about it? The great ethical delimmena and all that jazz.

Finally, does anyone have any personal experience with involuntarily hospital stays as an adult?

I truly appreciate every response i get. I'm a little scared right now, and I just don't want to be alone with these ideas driving me mad.

I was hospitalized at 14 and left suicidal for the first time in my life. Four years later i still have an ED but at 80lbs (and somewhat recovered from the traumas i endured in hospital) rather than 67 i'm hoping i can stay out.

If I had a problem, then wouldn’t I be skinny?
Created: Thu Mar 15 06:16:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84m00h/if_i_had_a_problem_then_wouldnt_i_be_skinny/

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 15, 2018
Created: Thu Mar 15 06:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84lyz8/weekly_emotional_support_march_15_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 15, 2018
Created: Thu Mar 15 06:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84lyjn/daily_food_diary_march_15_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for March 15, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Intro] I'm new(ish) and need some support!
/u/Mini-Size_Me [172cm | 59kg | BMI20 | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 05:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84lo96/im_newish_and_need_some_support/
Hey guys, I have been lurking here for a while now, and I am blown away by how incredible this community is. I always sort of told myself that I would only ever lurk, that I could handle this on my own. But I've realised that I'm so alone in this and sometimes I just need someone (or many someones) to talk to/vent to/share my experiences with.

A little about me. I'm a 25F Australian uni student. I've fluctuated between recovery and not since I was about 15. Never been officially diagnosed as every time my current psychologist brings up my weight or my eating habits, I manage to pass it off as a stress thing. Pretty sure she 100% sees right through my bullshit, though. I think I need to be real with her when I see her next. I'm actually starting to *feel* actually sick this time.

Finally posting to you guys is really scary - it feels like I'm lifting my head out of the sand and actually admitting that there's something wrong. That I'm not actually okay. It's scary and confronting to openly admit that maybe I don't have this under control.

I think the thing that tipped me over the edge today - I've eaten WAY more than I've eaten in a while today. Still under 1200cals (only just) but I'm so panicky thinking that I'm going to gain 15kg overnight. Logically, I understand that that is not how it works, but emotionally I can't convince myself otherwise.

Sorry if none of what I posted is actually allowed. I'll delete or change anything if you want me to.

I'm also sorry for rambling - I really don't know what to say. Just feeling lost and alone.

I'll try to work out how to flair, again I am so sorry if I get it wrong.

[Discussion] Interesting observation here
Created: Thu Mar 15 04:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84limq/interesting_observation_here/

[Rant/Rave] my bf accidentally triggering me?
/u/yellix332 [160cm | CW: 66.5kg | GW: 50kg | Gender: FtM]
Created: Thu Mar 15 03:36:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84l7h0/my_bf_accidentally_triggering_me/
I feel like a fake writing this anyway because I just sat and ate a sandwich and a chocolate bar at 9.30am....ive started a new job where I get up at 5 and it's really manual. It's making fasting so difficult (I was previously fasting between 7pm and AT LEAST 12pm, if not to 2-3pm)

Anyway my bf knows I've been calorie counting because I've been making it pretty obvious and using food scales/ regular scales again (I ordered them off Amazon- not discreet)

He kind of knows I have a past of disordered eating but I don't think he gets it because I was never smaller than about 120lbs/ 54kg unless I was really sick

He keeps trying to encourage me with my weight loss saying things like...about watching my calories, or what I should be eating, or seeing my MFP total and saying "Still, even though you ate badly it's not come out too bad, you can make it up by the end of the week"

He's also been praising how I look with weight loss/ how dedicated I have been and even how calorie counting improves my maths skills...

On the opposite side my friends are doing the whole "concerned" thing. He says they're "acting like I have an ED" when in reality I'm being "healthy and sensible"

I'm of two minds here. If I don't tell him I a) keep getting triggered to restrict and be strict on myself, b) don't have to deal with him being worried and babying me

But I also have that weird, selfish thing of "I want him to know"? If you get what I mean

Ugh I've been feeling shit lately over this. I have been losing weight but I've had my period (kind of...i have a coil implant) so I've been bloated and craving chocolate like mad

sorry for ranting :P

[Rant/Rave] Just when you think MyFitnessPal can’t possibly steal more screen real estate from you..
/u/exgravitas [F/25/160 | CW ☹️ | GW 48.5]
Created: Thu Mar 15 02:33:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kxxo/just_when_you_think_myfitnesspal_cant_possibly/

[Help] Restriction is exasperating my depression
Created: Thu Mar 15 02:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kwy6/restriction_is_exasperating_my_depression/
I realized today that my dependence on food is really what *keeps me going.* Which is stupid because it makes so much sense how would I have not known that before?

I come from a family that's really apprehensive about mental illnesses and I spent a good portion of my life passing off my depression as laziness.

Several years later and after a good talk with my parents I'm fortunate enough that they've changed their minds on mental illnesses.

I'm going through an extremely hard time with my depression and I've finally decided that this is where I think I should really put my foot down and get professional help for it.

I realized that because I've taken the one thing that gives me some form of happiness I've hit my all time low.

All I do is lay in belt exhausted and obsessed with this reddit or looking up ways to keep my mind on track losing weight but it just makes me feel even worse and losing the pounds doesn't even feel as satisfying as it used to.

There was a point where I was doing a normal restriction and exercise where I was eating around 1,000 calories. (I am short) and I felt completely fine.

I know deep down inside the answer is: to just eat more even if the weight loss will be slower but for some reason every time I tell myself: "I think you need to increase your calorie count for the better." I believe it for a second and then suddenly disregard it by thinking of a million reasons as to why eating 100-500 calories a day is better.

Somebody please help persuade me to up my calorie count. Please convince me that eating 1,000-1,200 calories is a better option because it's maintainable and won't make me feel like absolute shit 24/7.

[Help] Hey how do I stop counting calories lol
/u/Bloppitt [5'2 | 131 | -42 lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 02:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kv98/hey_how_do_i_stop_counting_calories_lol/
I can’t stand the meatheads and armchair dietitians on LoseIt or other fitness subs. They don’t get the mental illness aspect of a true ed. I am in therapy and have started to feel less suicidal about my ED, but I don’t know wtf I’m gonna do to lose weight without counting calories... I have been doing this for 7 years now and am scared to stop. Through obesity and anorexia I was always counting calories. And I can’t eat clean. Please help

[Help] New here. I wanna lose weight just so my ex regrets leaving me. Can i get some tips?
Created: Thu Mar 15 01:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kkvc/new_here_i_wanna_lose_weight_just_so_my_ex/

[Rant/Rave] I am very self-destructive
/u/dobelieveinbear [5'3 | 97| 17.6 | GW: 90ish | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 00:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kjec/i_am_very_selfdestructive/
It's late and I'm filled with too much caffeine and senna tea. This is just a public rant. TL;DR: I'm a mess, I just don't feel it.

I've been engaging in some behaviors that aren't the best for me over this past month. I literally haven't attended a full day of school since early February, quit my part-time job, both started and stopped taking 40mgs of Prozac, and started cutting, which I've never had the desire to do until last month. Yet in spite of all this, I feel almost fine. It's not even like I'm jaded, it's just that none of this is seeming to set off sirens in my head.

I binged and purged for the first time in over a month, which I am very upset about. Last year this time, I had been a very rough b/p cycle. I'd come home, have a huge fucking snake meal, purge it up, and then restrict until I repeated it again the next day.

Maybe it was just the difference in weight (110 at my highest versus 76 at the lowest), but this had been way worse than fasting for days at a time. I felt so much shame and disgust for myself. I was bloated all the time and I felt like shit. It went on like this for months.

I don't know, I think I'm just afraid that with all the other self-destructive shit I'm doing, I may fall back into another b/p cycle. I don't want it at all, so it's been about 1,000 calories and making myself take 25,000+ steps a day.

I'm just feeling so terrible about this binge, you know. The purging "helped", but I still felt like shit so I drank a fuckton of my poop tea, mixed also with black tea for the caffeine. So this jusy leaves me a wide awake wreck.


[Rant/Rave] just had halo top for the first time
/u/isaezraa [5'3 | CW 110 | GW 110-100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 00:49:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ki4y/just_had_halo_top_for_the_first_time/

[Discussion] Does anyone else do this?
/u/bloomoonxx [5"8 | BMI: 19 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 00:41:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kguc/does_anyone_else_do_this/
This is horrible and a really fucked up thing to do but sometimes I look at ED recovery pages on instagram for motivation to lose weight. I just look at how much weight these girls have gained and I think to myself I will never let myself go like that. It really motivates me and helps me stay on track. I know how immature and wrong this is but I still do it lol.

[Rant/Rave] Things my bf says
/u/Phiohtrue [5'4.5 | 135 | 23? | -20 +10 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 15 00:32:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84kfhk/things_my_bf_says/
Disclaimer: I love this guy a lot, he means well, and he’s genuinely a great person, especially for supporting me through everything.

But, he just says the darndest things:

“I just love the way your ass ripples when I spank you”
Excuse me? Ripples?? Like a sack of fat???

“Wow a lot of the girls here are, like, extremely skinny”

“You can either learn to accept your body, or you can take steps to change it until you’re happy. Set a goal and a deadline and just do it”

“Those sound like excuses”
And they were.

So after about half a year of self-imposed recovery (which morphed into mild binging ugh), I think I’m back 🌸

[Rant/Rave] Eating alone feels like a waste but eating around others gives me anxiety
Created: Wed Mar 14 23:22:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84k420/eating_alone_feels_like_a_waste_but_eating_around/
I hate eating when I’m by myself because it feels like a missed opportunity to prove to people that I’m normal and actually eat. If no one is there to see it then it’s just a waste of a meal. On the other hand, I hate eating when I’m with people because it gives me ridiculous anxiety and I don’t get to use my weird ED behaviors and I can’t even enjoy the food because I’m freaking the fuck out.

Solution? Don’t eat at all but spend every possible second thinking about and obsessing over food.

[Help] Easter candy temptation is driving me CRAZY
/u/papsandwiles [5"4 | 115 | 19.7 | 20F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 23:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84k3zp/easter_candy_temptation_is_driving_me_crazy/
I have a huge sweet tooth and a beyond that a huge love for chocolate. I haven't had candy/chocolate in a loong time and now that all the Easter candy is on display I'm having a reeeaaallly hard time resisting. Does anyone know any low cal (preferably chocolatey) alternatives to the hoads of Easter candy??

[Rant/Rave] [Trigger Warning: Self Harm] Relapsing into self harm and I don’t know where else to turn. Hoping you guys understand...
Created: Wed Mar 14 23:19:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84k3hm/trigger_warning_self_harm_relapsing_into_self/

[Other] So my ex best friend is stalking me?
Created: Wed Mar 14 23:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84k206/so_my_ex_best_friend_is_stalking_me/
This is off topic. Completely. But i need to rant about this somewhere and i feel so creeped out right now and you guys are so supportive and i love you all.

Back in september i got into a big fight with who was then my best friend since first grade. We stopped talking and she blocked me EVERYWHERE. facebook, insta, the whole nine yards. A couple days ago i found out she was talking to my brother (theyre still friends) and mentioned she found my boyfriends facebook while laughing about her "stalking skills".

I know it sounds really dumb to be unsettled by but i havent heard a word from this girl in months and now shes scouring social media to find my boyfriends profile? Wtf? I know they have NO mutual friends and I have ALL my accounts set to max privacy and im not even friends with my bf on facebook (neither of us really go on there anymore). The most i use is instagram and i dont even have my brother on there and its set to private AND I deleted all of our mutual friends a while ago.

It freaks me out even more because we go to the same school too, luckily its a large university tho and we have different majors so ive never seen her there. But what the fuck??
Again i know its stupid to be unsettled about but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Anyway thanks for letting me rant and thanks to anyone that read this far.

[Discussion] [Discussion] Helping my nephew
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Wed Mar 14 23:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84k0q7/discussion_helping_my_nephew/
I've had a shit night. Basically, my nephew lived with us for 7 months, then he moved in my my husband's ex-wife to be closer to his dad. (So dysfunctional)

My family would complain about his eating and hypocrisy about food. It bothered me and I told them, but they still complained. I was at the hospital (unrelated) and my husband and his ex went on a long back and forth about my nephews eating.

My nephew is struggling with bulimia. All the signs and issues are there. Everyone complains about it and I just can't listen to them any more. They are such judgemental ass holes about this. I told my husband I had an eating problem once and he told me "YOU THINK you have one" and I never said anything again.

My heart is breaking for him and me. I don't know how to reach out to a kid half my age, I don't know how to talk to my brother in law. I feel like everyone is going to dismiss me. But I know what he's going through. It's getting worse. I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world - I want to talk to him and support him and get him help...while I'm eating only one dinner every other day.

But he's only 16.

How does a 30 year old woman he's never had a conversation with help a 16 year old boy going through a shit storm and has bulimia?

food fears instead of fear foods
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 22:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jywa/food_fears_instead_of_fear_foods/

[Rant/Rave] If you get skinnier you'll want to leave me (I'm so confused)
Created: Wed Mar 14 22:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jy0o/if_you_get_skinnier_youll_want_to_leave_me_im_so/
My girlfriend told me this last night and I'm baffled. So from what we can infer:

1) she neither listens nor actually pays attention to me

I've told her many times (truthfully) that I haven't lost any weight in the past few weeks, and have gained back to 110 which is within a healthy range.

2) apparently any concern she has about my health or anything just has to do with her own self interest.

I think that latter is the most upsetting. I honestly don't think I could take anything she has to say seriously know this.

I'm in a weird place tonight fellow whisps weirdos and wackos, a weird place.

[Help] What do I eat now that I hate food?
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | UGW: dead |]
Created: Wed Mar 14 22:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jw1t/what_do_i_eat_now_that_i_hate_food/
I'm at a point where literally no food appeals to me. I have gone 3 days without eating anything, but I know I'm at the end of my rope with starving myself. Every food I can think to eat, safe or not, just absolutely has no appeal to me. I started working out, but now I have to put that on the back burner till I find some nutrition source? Any ideas? I was thinking those Atkins shakes, is anyone familiar with those?

[Discussion] How many grams of protein do you guys eat a day?
/u/lonelysweetpotato [5'7 | 140 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 22:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jqbr/how_many_grams_of_protein_do_you_guys_eat_a_day/
I used to not care about protein but after finding out how a lack of it can really damage your body and make your hair fall out...I care now. At the moment I'm getting 26g of protein for around 300 calories. I could get more but I need my morning coffee with cream and popcorn at night while I'm watching K-dramas.

[Rant/Rave] I know I'm racing toward defeat but this completely irrational sense of hope won't let me stop.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'3 | CW: 100 | BMI: 20.2 | GW: 80 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 21:51:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jn85/i_know_im_racing_toward_defeat_but_this/
After the worst year of my life ended, I had a few perfect months, arguably the only good ones I've had since I was too young and stupid to even be capable of unhappiness and self-loathing. They were sublime. It felt like the world burst open and gave me everything I've ever craved. I almost felt loved. I had an identity. I wasn't immersed in a seemingly neverending emotionless haze. If those months hadn't fulfilled me so much, I'd either be dead or nonfunctional now. As abruptly as those months came, they disappeared. Everyone who shared those months with me has moved on with their beautiful lives. Why wouldn't they? They'll have more experiences, better ones even, and I doubt I will. There's this naive part of me that believes I have to sink to the bottom again before I earn the right to feel that good. If I can replicate the unadulterated misery I felt before those months happened, maybe they'll come back, and this time I won't be undeserving. When I'm sick enough there'll be nowhere to go but up. If I can't go up, my hope will be crushed for the final time and I'll finally have the courage to kill myself. If I succeed, my body would be unrecognizable and so would my soul. I want to travel back in time and snarl in my moronic face that I shouldn't get comfortable, that I don't deserve to be happy, that this won't last, that I should savor every moment. I have zero dignity left. If there was anyone I could beg on bended knees to make me feel less worthless, I would. I already know how this is going to end. Why am I doing this? My days are coalescing into a blurry mass and I can't even differentiate between them. This is so fucking stupid and childish.

[Help] inpatient but not for ed
Created: Wed Mar 14 21:33:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jjli/inpatient_but_not_for_ed/

[Help] Losing 100 lbs.
Created: Wed Mar 14 21:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ji2y/losing_100_lbs/

[Rant/Rave] I want him to look at me like that again
Created: Wed Mar 14 21:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jfxq/i_want_him_to_look_at_me_like_that_again/
Sometime last year I had lost a significant amount of weight. Like 10 lbs or so. I remember a specific day out in public, my SO couldn’t keep his eyes off me. He kept putting his hands on my hips/wrapping his arms around me. The way he was staring at me just made me feel really beautiful. I asked him why he was acting that way all the sudden, which he responded: “you’re thinner.”
Whenever I think about this I get super triggered and I want to slice off all the lard on my body. That sort of attention is very addictive.

[Rant/Rave] I wish I didn’t tell my mom about my eating disorder
Created: Wed Mar 14 21:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jf3t/i_wish_i_didnt_tell_my_mom_about_my_eating/
She’s always complaining and judges me when I eat too much, then complains I eat all her food when she offers it to me. And she always uses it against me and I don’t even want her to talk about it! She tells everything to her friends too. She stresses me out and makes me eat more. And I’m tired of my family telling me “don’t throw up” and they act like somehow I’m hurting them and they’re acting really selfish

[Help] Starting My 1st EC Stack Tomorrow
Created: Wed Mar 14 21:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jesj/starting_my_1st_ec_stack_tomorrow/
So I take caffeine pills a few times a week, but I have a pretty high caffeine tolerance and they don't help a lot. So today I bought a pack of Bronkaid. I plan on starting EC stacking tomorrow because I have been bingeing uncontrollably lately.

Ive browsed a lot of the threads on here about EC stacking but I still have a few questions:

-Do you have to take any amount of food with EC stacking or is it ok on an empty stomach?

-Do I have to take aspirin with an EC stack? (I've heard of ECA stacking)

-How often a day/week do you EC stack?

Thank you so much for any feedback. 💜 I'm sorry if this information is already posted somewhere.

[Rant/Rave] H o w . Extremely long and winded.
Created: Wed Mar 14 20:52:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84jb2a/h_o_w_extremely_long_and_winded/

[Help] How to tell the difference between lanugo and normal hair?
/u/areyouinsanelikeme [5'1" | 69.6 -70.4 lbs | 13.2-3| forced into recovery]
Created: Wed Mar 14 19:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ivxc/how_to_tell_the_difference_between_lanugo_and/
I have hair all over my body - on my boobs, my stomach, everywhere. It's not very noticeable tho, and idk how to tell if it's lanugo.

[Goal] my thigh dimples are gone!!!
/u/conspicere [🐍 5'3.5" | CW: 110 | GW: 💯 | 🍋]
Created: Wed Mar 14 19:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84irvc/my_thigh_dimples_are_gone/
ladies and gents, I just reached a goal that I did NOT even know I had!!

so usually when I sit down and cross my legs in a certain way, I would get three little dimples in my left thigh due to all the fat down there.

I randomly remembered this today (thinking about how thick my legs are usually just makes me sad) when I itched that exact part of my thigh and there were no dimples! just skin!!! 🎉✨

I've had a rough past 36 hours due to binging and stress and my anxiety levels are through the ROOF but at least I have this 😅

sending good vibes to everyone reading about my little victory 💕

My scale is broken
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 19:20:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84iqmn/my_scale_is_broken/

Note to self:
/u/KaleleBoo [5'6 | 147 | 24.6 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 19:19:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84iqfp/note_to_self/

[Other] Step 1: Tell your bf you left something at home so you have to leave
/u/ohwhoaa [5'11"| CW 119.6lbs | GW 115lbs | BMI16.90 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 18:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ik6p/step_1_tell_your_bf_you_left_something_at_home_so/
Step 2: Stop at McDonald’s on the way home and get a 10 piece chicken nugget meal, two double cheese burgers, and a chocolate shake

Step 3: Get home, eat it all, and throw up.

Step 4: Drive back to his house with your ‘forgotten’ thing and act like everything’s fine!!!

I’ve done this 4 times in the past week, it’s fucking ridiculous. I want to stop binging so bad!!!!!!! But all I think about is food!!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Accidentally Looked in the Mirror
Created: Wed Mar 14 18:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84ihmk/accidentally_looked_in_the_mirror/
Had a good morning, was on track. Started to get dressed for a scheduled physical and made the mistake of checking the mirror before I left.

Wide thighs. The rolls that afternoons of binging built. Cheek bones and jaw line buried behind so much fat.

Immediately got undressed, skipped the appointment and retreated to bed. Then my SO bought me ice cream as a pick me up. I stupidly ate it. Waited too long to purge, so that's that. Day completely ruined.

Am I sabotaging without realizing it or am I just that weak? Or maybe I've just given up on myself? Every morning goes so well, but by the afternoon it's like I just can't control myself. I hate what I've done to my body. I miss being thin and wearing nice clothes and people thinking I'm attractive. I don't even recognize myself anymore I look so different.

Wght this time last year: 134lbs
Today: 188.8lbs

Just writing this to get it out. Sorry for the depressed novel.

[Rant/Rave] No one has control over me other than myself now.
Created: Wed Mar 14 18:30:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84if2y/no_one_has_control_over_me_other_than_myself_now/
I'm completely independent now, and no one else's opinions have very much effect on me:

- There is no boy I currently have profound feelings for that I'm trying ever so hard to impress.
- My sister's cold remarks are inconsequential, as she has no say over my life whatsoever. My parents are the only family members that still have some control over my life. 1) Even that will fade soon enough, and 2) Their love for me is unconditional and independent from my appearance.
- I don't have to worry about being attractive enough for a future mate. Though I would prefer to have a partner and family one day, I can be alone until death if needed.
- Appearance matters in no other situation.

I don't have to be a slave to the body I didn't choose anymore. Of course, I'd still like to reach my fullest physical potential, as I'd like to reach lots of maximums about myself, but if push comes to shove, I have enough potential to do something with my life other than to worry about another person's opinion on my appearance, even if that person was a potential husband.

I am free.

[Other] Me: has suicidal thoughts, doesn't utter them out loud
Created: Wed Mar 14 18:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84i8p0/me_has_suicidal_thoughts_doesnt_utter_them_out/

[Discussion] I Tried the Raved Halo Top
/u/bunntendo [Height5'7 | CW131 | BMI21 | UGW110 | GenderNB]
Created: Wed Mar 14 18:01:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84i83i/i_tried_the_raved_halo_top/
it was sooo good !! on my way home from the store i was just so excited to try it bc ive heard so much about it. i tried the cinnamon roll and the mochi green tea one, i took 1 bite of the mochi one to try it and im saving it for later, i finished all of the cinnamon roll one already. 100% worth it

[Intro] hi:)
/u/lollemons [5'6 | CW 111 | 17.99 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 17:58:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84i7e2/hi/
hi guys! i’m sure these intro posts aren’t the most interesting but i want to contribute & be a part of this community instead of lurking finally!

i’ve had disordered eating on and off since the beginning of high school. now, i’m in my second year of college and on medical leave due to depression. whenever my depression worsens so does my insecurity & all that so i get back into my heavily restrictive habits. i’ve been losing/gaining the same 20 pounds it seems over and over from restricting and binging.

after browsing this subreddit i really feel less alone. i haven’t talked about my habits with anyone except for one off comments to my close friends which were obviously met with backlash. i’m excited to be a part of this super supportive community and have people to talk to about this!!

thanks for reading all that ya cuties💖 (also sorry for formatting i’m on mobile)

[Other] Walking out of the darkness, and finding freedom.
/u/LostBrokenAndAfraid [Over it.]
Created: Wed Mar 14 17:54:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84i6fc/walking_out_of_the_darkness_and_finding_freedom/
*I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.* - Invictus

My entire life has been spent in the shadow of crippling doubt combined with an obsession with food.

When I read about addicts and the very nature of addiction itself, there's nothing better that I've ever been able to identify my own thoughts and behavior with.

At the beginning of a psychology class I was taking last semester, I connected super well with my professor. Being a recovering alcoholic, he and I had quite a few discussions concerning addiction.

One day, during his office hours, I completely broke down. I guess the floodgates that had been holding everything in for so many years finally gave out. I revealed that I'd been struggling with bulimia for the past four years, and an addiction surrounding food my entire life. I told him that when I was in high school and I tried talking to my other male friends about it, I was told I didn't have a real problem and that I just needed to get over it. I told him about all of the times that I tried opening up to family members about it, which was usually met with "Well, you probably wouldn't have these issues if your heart was right with God." (My parents are fundamentalists and I've been an atheist since I was 16.) I told him that I was entirely unable to foster or maintain any form of platonic or romantic relationships with anyone because my life was entirely dominated by this disease. I told him I didn't know what to do anymore, and that my entire world seemed to be crashing around me.

He understood, better than anyone I'd ever spoken with before. This random psychology professor, who I'd known for about a month up to this point, cared more about my well-being and safety than anyone else I knew.

I got connected with some medical professionals through my University's health services system. I'm final being open about what I've been dealing with.

The past couple of months have been some of the most carefree of my entire life. I've been able to study. I've been able to run. I've been able to communicate with my fellow students and actually make some new friends.

I do not regret the experiences that I've had. I do not regret the struggles that I faced. I do not wish that I had never dealt with this to begin with. If I lost my memories and the experiences that I had with bulimia, I wouldn't be me anymore. This is my life. I can't change it, throw it away, or make it something else. These experiences are my own - and I can either lament them, or I can use them to forge a new path towards the future.

I'm going to school to become a Dietitian, and I'm about one year off from graduating. When I become one, I will dedicate every fiber of my being to combating these diseases that ravage the body and mind. I will use my experiences to empathize, sympathize, and improve the lives of others. Without bulimia, I could never have achieved this.

It's been about four months since I finally decided to
It feels so good to finally become the best version of myself, no longer crippled.

I will never forget who I was or what I dealt with for so long. How every day was an uphill battle. The obsessions. The anxiety. The depression.

You - yes, the person reading this. You inspire me so much. I admire you for your strength of will and spirit. I want you to know that there are people out there who care about you. Who understand the pain you feel and the hopelessness that you've faced, and they want to help you climb from the depths of sorrow and misery.

If anyone ever needs someone to talk to about your struggles, please shoot me a PM. I'll do my best to offer some words of encouragement and empathy, and maybe help you with what you're experiencing to the best of my ability.

Never forget - you are important. You matter. Your pain and experiences are valid, no matter who tells you otherwise.

[Other] Update!
/u/LynnieTheLemon [4'11" | CW: 118 | BMI: ?? | WL: -2 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 14 17:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/84i67u/update/
First things holy shit the support was over-fucking-whelming! You all are the real MVPs. It makes me feel even more comfortable and welcomed in this sub. Also to clarify, I'm his Primary Care Assistant but not professionally. He's in a wheelchair and I help him do stuff. So no he is not my client, just my boyfriend.

I talked my feelings out with my SO and he apologized for making me feel bad and that he loved my body. I didn't let up and told him that he obviously doesn't if he's willing to say something so disrespectful, knowing full well that I am gonna go on a hunger strike because of it. He agreed that he was an ass for saying it to me and he's promised to never do it again. He's also going to be exercising with me more. It's a step forward and I feel a ton better than I did when I posted last.

HOWEVER, he's making me EAT. And I know he cares and he doesn't like when I restrict but seriously... Food is my enemy and he's watching me eat so I don't chew and spit or hide it in the fridge. That sounds like something super stupid to complain about but it kinda gets on my nerves because I feel so piggish when I eat. It makes me feel good he doesn't want me getting too skinny but at the same time, I'm not skinny enough and I want to be as skinny as I can be. That probs doesn't make sense but I really wish he wouldn't worry too m