[Rant/Rave] Smaller than her.
Created: Sun Jan 21 11:15:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rzc6e/smaller_than_her/

[Goal] Finally out of 50s!(Kg, metric)
/u/shook_shrimp [163cm | 49.7kg | 19.05 | Female]
Created: Sun Jan 21 11:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rz8gv/finally_out_of_50skg_metric/
I've been ill for a week- stuck in bed. suffering. dying. Very much to my disappointment, my taste has really changed leaving me unable to have a binge and eat things I would normally enjoy. The only good thing that came out of all this is that I lost a ton of weight really quickly. I started with around 52kg and today, after weighing myself, I'm 49.7kg :) Might not be a huge amount or an amazing weight but the 5, in the beginning, was really disappointing. My starting weight for 2017 was 48, which is what I want to get back to as soon as it's possible :) I failed to lose weight and fell into a weird binge cycle but I think that 2018 will be my year

[Intro] Long time ED, long time lurker, now I'm here!
/u/spiNACHOcolate [Height:1m70 | CW:55.5kg | HW:69kg | GW:52kg | F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 11:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rz8c1/long_time_ed_long_time_lurker_now_im_here/
Hi! As the title suggests I've been a long time lurker on this sub. I've had various EDs for 7 years and have been in recovery from anorexia for just under two years. At my highest I was 69kg, my lowest in 2016 was 48kg, and now I'm around 55kg; runner, vegetarian, full-time student.

Well, recovery wasn't making me anything but fat and even more unhappy, so I've given in and have made a second reddit, and I plan to lose just under 4kg in as little time as possible.

It feels like somewhat of a sneaky relief, relapsing back. I found being thin almost euphoric - the light-headedness which made me feel drunk all the time, the fact that when I ran there was nothing bouncing around in all the wrong places, and it's much cheaper to eat when you're not.

Anyway, that's my little introduction. Here I am. I am pleased to join your community officially. (I am pro-advice and pro-support - for those in recovery, I support that; for those wanting to lose a little more, I support that; for those hitting goals, that too)

[Rant/Rave] Welp, I'm done with recovery since my waist is now almost 30" around.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 141.5 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 10:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ryxem/welp_im_done_with_recovery_since_my_waist_is_now/
Fuck. I am almost at my HW again. I dislike my body. And I'm off Abilify, so my appetite is reduced, so I'm going to start restricting again. I'm sorry v_v Because I know my DIY recovery posts meant a lot to some of you. I just can't recover while living with my parents because they have junk food in the house ALL THE DAMN TIME. And I can't resist it AND try to recover at the same time. So I'm going to go back to the restrict/binge cycle I guess... Hopefully I binge less often. Thanks for reading.

[Other] so I've started vlogging
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 119 | 19.23 | 13.4kg | 27.7-]
Created: Sun Jan 21 10:13:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ryx6g/so_ive_started_vlogging/
and y'all know me, i am THIRSTY for that attention.


this should work, i think.

sorry if self-promoting breaks any rules. just tell me and i'll take it down. it is about ed stuff btw or it's supposed to be anyways. i hope you guys can stand my face.

[Other] Lovin compliments from customers!!
/u/-teaqueen- [5'3" | 115 | 20.37 | -20 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 09:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ryho9/lovin_compliments_from_customers/
I work coffee and I was talking to a customer about our muffins and how they're good and she said "then how are you so skinny?!?"

It's the first time I've heard that since I went on my meds at 17 that made me gain weight. And I'm 23 now! I missed hearing it. Thank you lady for the self esteem boost!!!

I don't eat our muffins! That's how. (They are amazing though)

[Help] Starbucks recommendation?
/u/321Model [5'4| GW: 150 | 30's/F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 08:58:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ryg3q/starbucks_recommendation/
I got a $5 gift card to spend. What vegan drinks do you recommend? Thank you!

[Help] There was blood in my vomit... I'm going to be okay right?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sun Jan 21 07:17:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rxwet/there_was_blood_in_my_vomit_im_going_to_be_okay/
I don't vomit often but my throat is bleeding and hurts really bad and I trust you guys and I just really want someone to tell me I'm not dying or something

[Discussion] What's your BFF or Best Food Friend?
/u/SgtSarah [5'1 | 93 | 18.4 | -21| F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 06:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rxoof/whats_your_bff_or_best_food_friend/
Mine's green tea. It tastes so nice and even if the health benefits are debatable, it's nearly no calories so I can fill up without feeling bad

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 21, 2018
Created: Sun Jan 21 05:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rxdfw/daily_food_diary_january_21_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 21, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Jan 21 05:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rxdbu/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Rant/Rave] Bitter motivation
Created: Sun Jan 21 04:54:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rxb82/bitter_motivation/

[Discussion] UK sizes?
/u/carcinogenicmilk [5’6” | 99 lbs | BMI 16 | -11 lbs | f]
Created: Sun Jan 21 04:47:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rxac7/uk_sizes/
Does anyone else’s sizes fluctuate incredibly so? I’m sometimes a UK4 in tops, then a UK6 for jeans and I recently had to buy a UK10 jacket from urban outfitters. Do you guys have such varying sizes? Also a quick note about shoe sizes, is UK3 too small for a 5’6” frame? Thanks :)

[Discussion] Anyone else hates /r/fatlogic?
Created: Sun Jan 21 04:17:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rx6vc/anyone_else_hates_rfatlogic/
I couldnt find more triggering stuff in the meanest pro-ana places. They are all for "logic" and "science" yet they are absolutely fine with people being underweight AS LONG AS THEY LOOK GOOD. I have seen people commenting that ribs/sternum showing is fine because bone structure or whatever. It really seems like they think the lower BMI and BF% the better and more attractive. I bet if i posted pictures there they would tell me i could stand to lose a few pounds.

Idk why it bothers me so much...maybe because they are supposed to be "normal" people. If people really think like this i have no choice but to starve until there is no fat left on my body because i wont ever be attractive otherwise.

[Rant/Rave] i broke my foot and i’m it’s going to make me lose my mind
/u/desde-siempre [5'3" | CW 115 | GW 100 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 02:08:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rwrpb/i_broke_my_foot_and_im_its_going_to_make_me_lose/
i’m an exercise freak and i got a stress fracture in my foot last week. i have very little to no problems pushing through the pain of injuries, like muscular or whatever, but this is something different. the pain is nauseating, i physically can’t even walk normal let alone run... i’ve been going to the gym to lift anyway and i’ve definitely made it worse and now i’m laying in bed miserable about my stupid foot and trying to come up with ways to not lose my sanity entirely without exercise...

everyone keeps telling me to just rest and to relax but they don’t understand, exercising is like integral to my self worth. if i don’t work out i don’t deserve to eat anything. it’s the only thing that i have that distracts me from my anxiety. how am i supposed to relax when all the calories i’ve eaten in the past 24 hours are turning into fat while i lay here in bed 😣 i know it’s probably super irrational but i just can’t deal with this.

/u/AnaTroi [5'9" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 00:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rwd8x/i_have_a_thigh_gap_this_is_not_a_drill/
I don't know where it came from. I don't know when it appeared. It's a freaking miracle. [[thigh gap dance break]]

It's really cold here today and I took a super hot bath to try to warm up. I don't normally pay much attention to my legs because they're just awful, TBH. But I happened to look down at them in the bath and noticed the smallest of gaps. I thought it was just the way I was sitting, but it's there when I'm standing, too! 🎉

The last few days have been major self esteem boosters. I'm an actor, and the costumer for the play I'm currently in gave me serious hell yesterday at a fitting because I've lost so much weight since the last fitting. And at rehearsal the day before, someone made a crack about my weight and said, "What do you weigh, 13 pounds?!"

Too bad I can't be happy enough to just be. All it does it just motivate me to lose more. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Help] Do you guys get hunger pains? How do you guys deal with it?
/u/desperatetogo [165cm | CW: 63 | GW: 45 | -5 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 21 00:09:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rwcwc/do_you_guys_get_hunger_pains_how_do_you_guys_deal/

[Rant/Rave] I am stupid//Heartbreak
/u/commtra [5'7 | BMI: 20 | GW:100 | -44 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 23:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rwalg/i_am_stupidheartbreak/
To put a long story into a few short sentences: I thought I had something with a guy I kind of really liked. I’m awful at expressing feelings so I never acted upon it or even talked about it with anyone.

But that doesn’t matter anymore cause some time ago, his girlfriend introduced herself. Small max 5’2 girl who probably weighs about 80lbs.

I am really sad, anxious and heartbroken but I still made this about my ED. Of course I can’t get anyone bc I’m not skinny. I’ve been really learning to love myself these past few months and now it’s all come
crashing down.

I get so annoyed when my mom asks what I'm eating.
Created: Sat Jan 20 23:46:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rw9ip/i_get_so_annoyed_when_my_mom_asks_what_im_eating/

[Intro] IBD, ED & me
Created: Sat Jan 20 23:27:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rw6ok/ibd_ed_me/

This may be long so please bear with me. I've debated making an account to speak with you wonderful people for over a year & now, in crisis...here I am. I am 31, female, 5"3 & 81lbs (last time I checked).

I believe I have had anorexia on & off since I was about 15. I also have Ulcerative Colitis which I believe is exacerbated by the ED. I am under a lot of medical scrutiny at the moment as I am beginning new drugs/infusions for my colitis - my weight is being monitored. & it is frustrating & upsetting as no one has any idea I have a food problem at all. Family, doctors, everyone just wants to see me gain weight. My rapid weight loss I explained away using my flare as an excuse but now I'm on new medications they, of course, expect weight gain as a sign of improvement in my disease.

My husband is in control of the grocery shopping as he has the car & the money. He has recently bought me all high fat things totally replacing my 0% fat yogurt & rice cakes with full fat versions & extra snacks & nuts. Without asking me. Just assuming this would be what I want. Like a normal person would if they'd been told to gain by a medical professional. But I'm not normal.

Because of all this he watches me. Skipping food is out of the question on a weekend as he is here & I don't want to raise suspicion. The problem now is that even during the week while he is at work (I am a stay at home Mum to a 2 year old) I find myself *ravenous*. Suddenly eating all these foods seems to have triggered off some sort of binge behaviour & times when I have the opportunity to fast I just...can't! I end up binging daily & have turned to purging! This time in the bathroom can be explained away by my current flare up if it happens on a weekend day.

It's embarrassing & I am so ashamed of myself! It makes my UC worse & I am constantly bloated & horrendously gassy. I don't dare weigh myself as I'm sure I'm massively gaining. I'm uncomfortable in my skin & feel constantly miserable.

Then I start to think- maybe I should try self recovery! Sure, just eat at maintenance & it'll all be fine. But then I realise I don't want to look normal. I *like* looking skeletal & frail. I enjoy the power I have when I can control my food intake. But that power seems to have left me.

I don't know what the purpose of this post is but you all seem so welcoming & I'm just having a really rough time at the moment & needed to let it out. I've never told anyone I struggle before & it's been eating me up inside (no pun intended!).

On the one hand I want to recover for my daughter. I want energy to play with her & not to be short tempered when she misbehaves or distracted thinking about calories & food! On the other...this is mine! I have nothing else. No job, no friends, I can't drive & live in the middle of nowhere in a small town in the UK. I'm so isolated & stuck. I'm just so unhappy.

Thankyou so much for listening. Be well, be safe.

[Discussion] Bf triggers me
/u/chocolattts [5'5"|CW:125|GW:105|21F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 21:18:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvm4b/bf_triggers_me/
I've kind of noticed him body checking me in certain ways lately. He'll wrap his fingers around my wrist and stuff...

He has no idea I'm bulimic tho he does know I've restricted in the past (I used to restrict primarily; I've gained like 15lbs since then)

He says he likes my body now and doesn't notice a difference if I say I've gained weight (bless his heart). He truly is really kind and I know he'd never imply or say anything bad about my body, he is always trying to make me feel good.

But I'm just not sure how to feel about him feeling the bones on my wrist and stuff? I know it seems like not a huge issue but idk.

Also I'm very sure he has no eating issues of his own.

Anyone else relate?

[Rant/Rave] comment from someone I hadn't seen in awhile made me feel...something?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 102 | F 🍍]
Created: Sat Jan 20 21:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvlwo/comment_from_someone_i_hadnt_seen_in_awhile_made/
so I went out to an arcade for a friend's birthday, bunches of people and we all kept splitting up and remeeting. anyways, one is my friends roommate who I haven't seen really since we had a fling over a year ago (around my lw). when we ended up along we made some small talk.

him: "you look healthy. I mean, sorry that's probably weird. I'm tired."

me: "oh that's, haha, thanks?"

him: "I mean you look good."

me: "well thanks, you do too."

and after some.more talk, our friends came back, and my brain just ran in ten different directions with that. I mean I've been trying to be healthier lately, I'm at bmi 18 instead of 16.9 (when he last saw me) and have been working out instead of just restricting. so that's what I want to hear, right? why did part of me feel sad/upset at what he said? why did part of me feel embarrassed ? why did none of me want to hear that?

and why can't I just talk to my boyfriend about all this?? I want to, but he gets jealous kinda easily and I don't want to explain the fling part to get to the ed shit that makes my brain spin. so again, you guys are the only ones who understand... so will this make me restrict harder tomorrow? or stay 'healthy?' text your votes now to #FUCKMYED!

[Help] Help me with a diet plan!
Created: Sat Jan 20 20:57:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvi6p/help_me_with_a_diet_plan/

[Discussion] Best diet soda healthwise
Created: Sat Jan 20 20:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvgwk/best_diet_soda_healthwise/
Not taking taste and preferences into consideration, has anyone done any research on which diet soda is “best” healthwise? As in lowest levels of artificial sweetener, fewer additives, etc?

[Rant/Rave] So this feels normal now and I don't know whether to be proud of ashamed.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Sat Jan 20 20:33:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvdqs/so_this_feels_normal_now_and_i_dont_know_whether/
On mobile flair as rant rave

I've restricted heavy below 500 calories for over a week now without too much issue I even managed small tastes of what would normally be fear foods for me. I had an onion ring and a bite of a potato and it was enough for me. I don't feel deprived really I am getting enough taste from things and actually getting partial to eating smaller amounts and raw veggies.

It feels weird and I'm anxious for if it changes for some reason like if someone wants to go out I don't want to eat a whole plate of food just like two to three bites to get the taste then quit.

Anyone else feel this way after restricting. This is the lowest I've gone on a whole for this long too..


[Other] I realized something today
Created: Sat Jan 20 20:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvd8b/i_realized_something_today/

[Discussion] I found this article very interesting, thoughts anyone?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 89 | BMI 14.8| 17F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 20:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rvc34/i_found_this_article_very_interesting_thoughts/

[Discussion] Do y'all feel like you get higher when smoking weed while fasting?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Sat Jan 20 20:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rv80w/do_yall_feel_like_you_get_higher_when_smoking/
I live in Colorado, so fuck you, eating disordered cop reading this.

[Rant/Rave] She took everything
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Sat Jan 20 19:54:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rv6cu/she_took_everything/

[Rant/Rave] i'm losing all my safe foods
/u/TinyTinyCleverCDR [bulimiaayy lmao]
Created: Sat Jan 20 19:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rv5rz/im_losing_all_my_safe_foods/
I just binged 5 whole packets of rice cakes. That is a grand total of 70. Almost 2500 kcal of just goddamn rice cakes. And I would have just kept going if I hadn't run out.

Just. Fuck. I really can't have any food in the house at all. Nothing is safe.

[Help] Tips for better BMs? (My poop sucks!!)
Created: Sat Jan 20 18:57:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ruv23/tips_for_better_bms_my_poop_sucks/
Okay so I created a throwaway to post here since my other account uses my real name (ballsy) I know.

For the past few months I've been having only one BM every other day if I'm lucky, and I always seem to be constipated. Which makes no sense cause I pee all day.

I consume about 500 -1000 calories per day, I drink tons of water, and I have a small cup of oatmeal every day. I eat tons of fiber through fruits and veggies. I walk/run a few miles per day.

Does anyone else have this issue?? I'm nervous to take laxatives cause I don't want to abuse them. If it's important I'm also vegan.

I'm wondering if it's stress related and I just hold in my BMs cause I do with with farts with out even trying. Maybe I'm permanently just clenching my butthole.

[Discussion] DAE purge whenever they feel full?
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Sat Jan 20 18:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7run0v/dae_purge_whenever_they_feel_full/
I am so fucked up!

So as I've said before, I like...use self-pleasure as a mood booster when I'm restricting. But now if I'm full I can't have sexual thoughts.

I ate real food tonight instead of More Boiled Vegetables because I was sad. I was still sad after having that food, so I wanted to you know...but I can't because I'm full.

I feel disgusted by the feeling of being full on its own regardless, even if I'm full from plain broccoli.

So yeah. Everything compounds and I just have to purge

Use to be skinner
Created: Sat Jan 20 18:12:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rulvc/use_to_be_skinner/

never enough
Created: Sat Jan 20 18:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rul7f/never_enough/

[Rant/Rave] What's the point?
/u/cloudy_gaze [5'3.5" | 91lbs | 15.9 |20F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 17:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ruj8l/whats_the_point/
In every movie about eating disorders the girl has a great life until she suddenly becomes self-conscious about her weight and develops anorexia. But once she gets "cured" her life goes back to being full of light and happiness.

But what's the point if your life was shit before all of this started? Why should I bother "recovering" if I'm just going from skinny and depressed to fat and depressed? In the end I'm going to end up going right back to the same tried and true coping mechanism.

[Rant/Rave] Nothing in my closet fits.....
/u/-momoyome- [5"3' | HW: 270 CW: 183 GW: 99 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 17:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rugts/nothing_in_my_closet_fits/
....because all my clothes are too big!!

But.... now nothing fits. It sucked gaining weight and having no clothes to wear because my fat ass could hardly fit into size 18s. This feeling I get when I put on size 12s and see the butt sag is almost euphoria. The bad thing is I went to Target (the land of LIES when it comes to clothing sizes but it’s the closest clothing store) and I couldn’t find too much on clearance for size 8-10. I don’t wanna spend too much because they won’t fit in a few weeks and there were no jeans on clearance sized 10. I did get a pair of shorts though! They were SIZE 8. I have never been single number sizes!

This was all over the place, but yeah. Woooooo. I have no control over so much going on but at least I can easily change my appearance.

[Other] Just because it's simple doesn't mean it's easy.
/u/asocialghost [5'2 | CW: 99 | GW:90 | 23F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 17:34:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rudxj/just_because_its_simple_doesnt_mean_its_easy/
whatever it is, it's going to be okay.

you're going to be okay.

each day is a fresh start ♥

Should I be worried?
Created: Sat Jan 20 17:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ru72w/should_i_be_worried/

[Rant/Rave] just purged for the first time
Created: Sat Jan 20 16:58:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ru68w/just_purged_for_the_first_time/
hey hey hey!! it’s your friendly neighborhood trash can who just fucked up her fast and purged!!!!

i cannot stop crying, though. even though probably less than half the food came out, the fact of the matter is that i just realized how far deep i’m in.

a normal person would probably just shake it off and say something like “There’s always next time!” but my stupid ED-brain keeps telling me i’m a failure— for failing to keep to my fast, and even failing to get all the food out!

the only upside is that my throat hurts, so i probably won’t eat for the rest of today!~~

(on mobile and can’t flair, sorry mods)

cringey moment today
/u/fxuk [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sat Jan 20 16:46:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ru3l6/cringey_moment_today/

[Rant/Rave] Breaking News: Restricting causes good luck
/u/fattyfatty2-4 [5'6" | CW: too fat | GW: less fat | 22F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 15:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rtmyp/breaking_news_restricting_causes_good_luck/
I've been on an amazing streak of restriction for a few weeks (unheard of for me lol kill me) and so far I've heard nothing but acceptances from the graduate programs I've applied to and heard back from. Not even a waitlist! Moral of the story: this is proof enough that I need to keep restricting and more good luck will come my way!!!

[Discussion] Eugenia cooney
Created: Sat Jan 20 15:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rtlx4/eugenia_cooney/
Sorry if anything similar has recently been posted I just needed somewhere to rant.

I'm currently in recovery and if there's 1 thing that can make me want to relapse again its eugenia cooney. I've watched her get thinner and thinner and she's now on deaths door. Before recovery I saw her as motivation and that, but now i'm so infuriated by seeing her I just find it mad that's she's able to continue to post vids when it's so clear she's ill and causing young people to be triggered by her. If she was around when I was a teen that shit would've made me so ill.

Her insta comments are full of teens saying goals and how much they want to be like her, IT'S SICK AND SHE DOES NOTHING TO STOP IT!!

Am I alone in thinking it's fucked up she can post videos in skimpy outfits claiming to see how much her style has changed, when in reality she's showing just how much she's lost with clothes literally FALLING OFF?!! It makes me so sad and angry

I hope she gets better but I'm kinda sick of feeling sorry for her, she must know the damage she causes surely

Finally back to 1lb away from my SW :/
/u/princesskittybitch [5'2" | 112 | 20.5 | -18 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 15:19:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rtkl2/finally_back_to_1lb_away_from_my_sw/

[Rant/Rave] I’m a mess!
Created: Sat Jan 20 13:41:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rsynp/im_a_mess/
Just wanted to vent:

I’m restricting like crazy, my throat is raw from purging, I’m anxious and paranoid, I’ve taken three naps today, and I’m breaking down over the smallest things. I’m also refusing to seek help and self destructing. I’m really worrying people, but hey, at least I’m small!
:( :( :(

[Rant/Rave] Big Fat Failure
Created: Sat Jan 20 13:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rsy2s/big_fat_failure/

[Goal] I got insulted last night and it made me happier than I had been in weeks ☺️
/u/senpai_no_oppai_da [Height: 170cm | 25F | CW: 🐖💨]
Created: Sat Jan 20 13:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rsxw8/i_got_insulted_last_night_and_it_made_me_happier/
My boyfriend and I got invited to a nightclub with some of his friends late last night. I decided to get the drinks for us and waited to be served at the bar. While there, a lady in front of me turned too quickly, with her drinks in hand, and bumped into me, spilling some of her alcohol on my dress.

‘Move, you **skinny** bitch!’ she said.

I replied with ‘sorry’; but at that point I was already beaming.

Someone has finally noticed my efforts after purging everyday and fasting for so long! Not even my SO mentions my losses (or gains, however you want to look at it). I had the widest smile for the rest of the night.


Just wanted to share this tiny win with you guys LOLL 😅😅

[Help] Uncomfortable with my boyfriend's weight...
Created: Sat Jan 20 12:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rsi7f/uncomfortable_with_my_boyfriends_weight/
I've been dating my boyfriend for about four months, and I'm heading into a rough patch with my eating issues (restricting to about 1000 calories a day, obsessing over control, pretty intense anxiety, you get the idea) and I've found myself being less attracted to my boyfriend. I'm still attracted to him, just not as much as before, and sometimes when I see him from certain angles I get that really uncomfortable feeling that I get about my own body. I think he's gained a little weight lately, but I'm not sure. He's by no means overweight, just looks a bit less toned than he used to. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to fake attraction, but I don't wanna talk to him about it either cause he knows about my ED behaviors and stuff. I just get uncomfortable during sex and it makes me more self conscious...
Any advice, anyone?

[Rant/Rave] Fasting is making me so hangry. So. Not. Happy. 36hrs.
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 12:16:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rsef3/fasting_is_making_me_so_hangry_so_not_happy_36hrs/
I'm a binge eater. I know I'm a binge eater. I go through binge purge cycles like a mad person. I can't... fuck... I did so well for so long. Now I'm fasting for the first time in almost 2 years. It's awful. Everything is food. Everything is eating. Every tv show and commercial and Instagram post and lies lies lies these people pretending to eat food in advertisements... This is bullshit.

[Help] Tips for eating with BF on the weekends?.
Created: Sat Jan 20 11:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rsaka/tips_for_eating_with_bf_on_the_weekends/
So, I had successfully lost 10lbs (from 120 to 110), it was pretty quick because I would only eat dinner with my boyfriend after he came back from work and skip breakfast and lunch. However, during a weekend we got into an argument because I wouldn’t eat lunch with him. He ended the argument saying “When I want you to eat with me, eat with me” and that was it. After that I started eating any time he did, including desserts. I do enjoy it but I’ve gained the weight back and all I want to do is at least go back to 110. Anyone got any tips for the times we’re together for breakfast and lunch?. Weekdays are no problems but weekends and holidays are tricky since he does have to eat and I have to eat with him as well and I don’t want to seem ungrateful or make him feel awkward.

[Help] Dosing for first EC stack....want more?
Created: Sat Jan 20 11:53:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rs95q/dosing_for_first_ec_stackwant_more/

[Help] My mum is getting suspicious and involved
Created: Sat Jan 20 11:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rs8ub/my_mum_is_getting_suspicious_and_involved/
I've struggled with binging and fasting since I was about 13 (I'm 16 now) and recently I've tried kicking the binging part out of my life.

Since early December I've been eating less than 500 kcal a day and fasting if I go over. I've been pretty good with keeping it a secret but all of a sudden a few weeks ago my mum has started picking up on how much attention I pay to calories and is getting involved.

She is buying me TONS of low-calorie snacks, too many for me to eat, and keeps nagging me about not skipping meals even though she has no proof or indication that I have been.

She keeps telling me that it's important I eat this, that and the other and I'm fairly sure she's been going through my rubbish bin in my room while I'm asleep to look for uneaten food.

After every meal she's started asking "did you eat it all?" And when I say yes she asks "are you sure?" Like she doesn't believe me - even when I have eaten it.

It's frustrating and I feel like she's taking the control away from me. I don't know what to do.

[Rant/Rave] The struggle, in a nutshell
/u/13959470 [5'4" | 109.4 | 18.8 | ~30 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 11:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rs3lm/the_struggle_in_a_nutshell/
my brain when I eat anything: “fuck, what am I doing to myself?! This is fucked and I need to get my life together..”

my brain when I don’t eat anything: “fuck, what am I doing to myself?! This is fucked and I need to get my life together.”

It gets tiring...
well wishes to those of you going through the same vicious cycle. Hope you have a happy day today ❤️

[Tip] rice cakes instead of bread!
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | -51.4 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 11:20:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rs1s5/rice_cakes_instead_of_bread/
holy heck! I have no idea why I didn't think of this before but I am a sandwich fiend and let me tell you that using a plain rice cake instead of bread or toast is so flipping satisfying. it's crunchy like toast, and bigger than those thin low calories bread slices.

[Discussion] Insane weight fluctuations?!
/u/renewtheplaintiff [5'2 | cw: ~101 | gw: 90 | F23]
Created: Sat Jan 20 11:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rrzan/insane_weight_fluctuations/
I usually weigh myself the moment I get up in the mornings. Today was 99.2lbs. Happy with that, I decided to eat two small pieces of avocado toast, drink coffee, and shower. Weighed myself after - 102.4lbs?!

I know my scale works perfectly, and it's not like I had a huge meal to warrant a 3.2lb weight gain. Besides water retention, is there any explanation for such insane fluctuations after only a couple hours?

[Discussion] January 20th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 08:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rr2li/january_20th_2018_question_of_the_day/
Are you holding a grudge? About?

[Rant/Rave] Can we talk about water retention after sodium binges? (Especially fellow Asians? We get the worst swollen eyelid problems)
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Sat Jan 20 08:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rqy59/can_we_talk_about_water_retention_after_sodium/
Seriously I had three bowls of soup last night and I can barely open my eyelids. Idk if white people deal with this but since Asians have hooded/mono eyelids, water retention FUCKS UP OUR EYELIDS SO BADLY. My double eyelid goes away or moves down to my eyelashes and I have to struggle to open my eyes. Oh god.

What are some good ways to get rid of all the water without diuretic pills?

I find that cold showers help soothe the irritation if water retention fucks up your face like it does to me

[Help] all gone down hill
Created: Sat Jan 20 08:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rqy11/all_gone_down_hill/
I started this week at my lowest weight, binge and purge free and restricting great. My exams began and so did my period and since then i’ve eaten over maintenance everyday, gained a pound, and can’t stop eating no matter what. Ive been purging but can’t even do that as successfully as usual. I have two more exams next week and i’m determined to get back on track after that. I look and feel so disgusting. Please any advice, comfort or just permission to eat i guess appreciated :(

[Intro] I just started again
/u/4catslol [5'1" CW 140 | HW 144 | LW 92 | GW 95]
Created: Sat Jan 20 08:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rqv4j/i_just_started_again/
I have had a terrible yo-yo weight since sophomore year of high school. I had always been fat (like 125-130lb 5"1) and something clicked in me that year and I restricted. I never realized how obvious it was that year. I'd literally take for lunch some spinach leaves with raspberry vinaigrette so people wouldn't think I was weird for not eating. But that was even weirder bc nobody just eats plain spinach with vinaigrette lmao. I would also take around this absolutely nasty tea in a metal thermos that just made it taste like metal. Lowest I got was 92lb and I don't remember what happened after that. Just stopped trying I guess.

Second time was in freshman year of college. I think it actually ruined my year since I switched to community college after the first semester since I failed trig. I was 130lb again and I met this boy online and all I could think about was being thin enough to be with him. When he finally came over to my dorm for the first time I was 107lb. It had only taken me a month to lose 23lb. I eventually got to 102 and once again just stopped and gained it all back with a vengeance.

So now I'm 143lb. Or I was. Have dropped 3lb in the past 3 days. Started EC stacking and I love it. One day had 120cals of soup, next day fasted without trying, yesterday ate a hot pocket and it made me really full but didn't hate myself because I was still under 500 cals.

What I need to work on is, from what I've read, common. In the past whenever I would see a new LW I would fucking binge the rest of the day. Then gain, then it would happen again the next new LW. So far I haven't felt even the thought of binging... I think it won't happen this much because I've already gone through every LW I've ever had, twice. I really really don't want to binge because I want to lose 20lb by March 12th (bf coming over! somehow he still stays with me as a garbage monster). Is it possible to lose 20lb in 50 days?

Anyway I just wanted to type this all out because I found this sub and I've been reading it these past days and it's very motivating. It also helped me with the EC stacks and how to get them. I've felt really giddy and happy these past days because I finally got back on track after LITERALLY A YEAR OF BEING A GARBAGE MONSTER.


[Rant/Rave] B/p bender
/u/321Model [5'4| GW: 150 | 30's/F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 07:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rqpzr/bp_bender/
As of last night I've been on a 2 day binge bender. I used my lunch hour on Thursday to go to the market and pick up a ton of food, some of which I scarfed down in the car and rest I ate stealthily at my desk. I then purged it at work (luckily we have single bathrooms). Yesterday I ended up buying more crap along with three sandwiches I made at home and purged what I could.

I woke up this morning with the feeling of it still in my throat vowing to not binge again. Yet here I am now with the thoughts of binging creeping in again. I'm so tired of this.

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 20, 2018
Created: Sat Jan 20 05:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rq1xq/stupid_questions_saturday_january_20_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 20, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 20, 2018
Created: Sat Jan 20 05:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rq1u7/daily_food_diary_january_20_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 20, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Does anyone else buy clothes that are too small for them to motivate them to lose weight?
Created: Sat Jan 20 04:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rputc/does_anyone_else_buy_clothes_that_are_too_small/
Half my wardrobe and I can't even wear it...

[Discussion] Hate messages for being active on this sub
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 89 | BMI 14.8| 17F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 02:40:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rpiad/hate_messages_for_being_active_on_this_sub/
Sorry I couldn't think of a better title for this post but its just so frustrating. I used to have another account that I was fairly active on this sub but all my stuff would get downvoted to hell if I posted on normal subs just bc I'm active here. Eventually I deleted it because all the hate.

What the fuck?? Why are people so mean to those suffering from this sort of thing? I don't think people would get hate messages for posting on r/depression. I just wish people would understand this is not a fucking choice.

[Rant/Rave] Disgusted and depressed and disgusted... and depressed.
/u/UnskinnyVegan [171cm | Too high | Too high | Ick | ]
Created: Sat Jan 20 01:45:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rpbdf/disgusted_and_depressed_and_disgusted_and/
I just got news that my grandmother passed away. It was a "Fuck it" moment for me... I just ate a bunch of ice cream and chocolate.

Now I feel disgusted at myself. Disgusted for feeling the food inside me. Disgusted for feeling sorry for myself when I should be sad...

... but I am sad. I am devastated to the point where my eyes are raw, my nose, throat, and lungs hurt from hyperventilating, and yet... I can't stop the crying and the panic attacks.

But I also feel disgusted. I want to run. I want to be thinner. I want all of this to be over. Life sucks and it just keeps getting harder.

[Discussion] Anyone feel really nauseous after a major binge?
/u/hollowedheart_ [5'7" | CW 126 | GW 125 | UGW 120 |]
Created: Sat Jan 20 00:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rp3ss/anyone_feel_really_nauseous_after_a_major_binge/
I guess because our bodies are used to restricting so much it's like a shock when we eat a lot at once? -Triggering nausea. I've now realized I'd rather feel really hungry than super full. Tonight I feel *beyond* full. The fullest I've ever felt. I even started eating some cheese puffs after I was really full. I couldn't stop. Probably ate 1,000 if not more calories. Cookies, cheese and crackers, a bite of pizza, almond butter, etc etc etc!!!!!

Nothing more fun than editing your flair to show you've gained.
/u/Squirrella [5ft | CW 165| GW 100| 38 F]
Created: Sat Jan 20 00:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rozhb/nothing_more_fun_than_editing_your_flair_to_show/

[Rant/Rave] To whoever mentioned magnesium killing chocolate cravings...
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | CW: 119 | GW: small | F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 23:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rous2/to_whoever_mentioned_magnesium_killing_chocolate/

I've been binging on chocolate since around the time winter break started... So maybe a month? Started taking a Ca/Mg/Zn supplement for bones + better BMs. Realized today: "Huh, I haven't had chocolate in a few days. And I don't really want it either."

Wow. Just, wow. I didn't know this was possible. I don't understand. But thank you, wise stranger.

Edit: Some people are asking about the supplement and dosage. It looks like [this](https://imgur.com/a/BisGW).

[Discussion] Bad reactions to success
Created: Fri Jan 19 23:17:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7roqdj/bad_reactions_to_success/
Does anyone else respond to success with binging? I hit a new LW a few days ago, and it's like the relief and satisfaction of being less fat made me feel like I should reward myself with food..... which makes me gain. This happens almost every time I Iose, and now I'm on day 2 of binging after 2 days of maintenance and I really don't want to step on the scale :(

Edit: On mobile, not sure how to flair things

I hate myself and I can't do this anymore
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | (treatment rip) | GW 95lbs]
Created: Fri Jan 19 23:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7roqd5/i_hate_myself_and_i_cant_do_this_anymore/
Sorry for any incoherence that might follow; I'm phenomenally drunk and I just don't know who else to talk to.

I'm so sick of this. Ever since I got out of treatment--since I gained back all of the weight I worked so hard to lose--I've felt this insane lack of control. I can't fucking stop bingeing. I can just feel myself expanding and growing and getting fatter and fatter and more disgusting by the day. Where did my self control go? Where did my self respect go? Why do I do this to myself day in and day out?

I just purged for the first time in over a month. My body hurts and my heart hurts and everything HURTS. I just wish I had someone who understood how bad this was. I wish someone could understand how shitty it is to think about food--to think about my greatest fear--every minute of every hour of every fucking day. I obsess, and yet I can't stop myself from indulging. Every. Single. Night. I am disgusting. I am worthless. I just want to be tiny and delicate and...nothing. I want to be nothing. I want my physical state to reflect my mental one.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm so lonely and so fat and so so so unhappy. This is hell. This is a hell I impose on myself every day. I want to fucking die. I don't know. I just wish this would stop

[Other] Very Cheap Sloppy Lentils Recipe (Vegan) (~200 calories / 200g)
Created: Fri Jan 19 22:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ronf1/very_cheap_sloppy_lentils_recipe_vegan_200/
* 1lb lentils (160 calories per 1/4 cup)
* 24oz Manwich sloppy joe sauce (35 calories per serving, around ~350 for the entire can)
* Seasoning (anything you want, I put onion & garlic powder, black pepper)
* Stevia drops
* Sriracha (according to taste)

Rinse the lentils. Cook the entire bag of lentils per the instructions (I use ~6 cups of water per 1lb of regular lentils). Takes 20-30 minutes.

Drain if needed. Sometimes I have to drain mine, other times it's dry as a dessert so I just pour the sauce in.

Mix the sauce, the seasoning, and spices with the lentils.

= ~1800 calories for the entire thing. This will be your meal for week

I weighed the entire meal and it's around ~1815g (I round it down, always, so 1800g). I put this recipe on MFP and every time I eat it, I take out my scale and weigh approximately 200g, which would be ~200 calories.




I put thai chili pepper in mine because I like it very spicy, and lots of stevia drops because I also like it sweet (sweet and spicy is my favorite combo). This is why I also add sriracha. I couldn't find chili powder in the house (just when you need it, it's gone!) but I would have turned it into a chili.

Oh, and it's vegan!

Lentils have lots and lots of fiber. It's also ridiculously cheap!

[Rant/Rave] I don't get the hype: Quest bars, OhYeah!, Lenny&Larrys complete cookie, Cliff Bars etc.
/u/Chouchoutrain [5'5 (166cm) | 108 (49 kg) | UGW: 92 (42kg)]
Created: Fri Jan 19 22:07:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7roe5s/i_dont_get_the_hype_quest_bars_ohyeah_lennylarrys/
is it just me or are these seriously disgusting? Most of them taste like the way I imagine laundry powder or soap would taste.

Anyone else?

[Other] does anybody feel like their doing this because you want to kill yourself but are afraid of guns/overdosing/other ways of suicide?
/u/DreaminOfSomeSunshin [5'6.5" | 116 lbs | 18.4 BMI | GW: 100]
Created: Fri Jan 19 21:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ro2v9/does_anybody_feel_like_their_doing_this_because/
this way it’d be less painful for my family too

tbh I just want to lose and lose and lose until I’m gone

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like they're just doing this to take up as little space as possible?
/u/E_D_N_O_S [165/5'5" | CW 57/126 | 21 | GW <50/110 | M/NB? I dunno]
Created: Fri Jan 19 20:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ro09y/does_anyone_else_feel_like_theyre_just_doing_this/
Sorry if this is a repeated topic. :( I tried, but the search just isn't very useful. So, um, yeah. I feel like my ED is basically just me indulging this weird desire I have to exist as little as possible, so also to consume the bare minimum and exist physically in as little space as I possibly can. So I was wondering if anyone here shares this feeling? xx

[Rant/Rave] There's no escape
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | "recovering" | 🍑: cinnamonbicycle]
Created: Fri Jan 19 19:52:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rnp7f/theres_no_escape/
This is my only second real relapse, but it's breaking me. I was in a really good place before. I was recovering and I was thriving and I was happy. I could have stayed there forever. But I just spiraled back into anorexia and here I am.

I'll never get out, will I? I've tried recovery so many different ways, and each one has failed. I'm running out of options. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I'd sooner kill myself than suffer through this forever. But I don't want to die. I think about suicide every day, but in my heart I really don't want to die.

I just wanna be free. Right now, the quickest route to freedom is death, and that fact makes life pretty bleak for me.

I'm just whining. I'm just a stupid adolescent and I'll get over it. That's what my therapist says. I guess I just have to be patient and wait until I'm mature enough to outgrow my crippling mental illness. Because that's totally how it works.

[Help] Help me please
Created: Fri Jan 19 18:43:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rnbba/help_me_please/

[Other] The only thing that makes me happy now
/u/arandomnamebcimlazy [5’6| CW:130|BMI:21.0|-96|Female|]
Created: Fri Jan 19 18:22:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rn70c/the_only_thing_that_makes_me_happy_now/

Don't know how I did it, but I ended my binge cycle! Here's to hoping I hit 99 lbs by my birthday.
Created: Fri Jan 19 16:29:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rmhwe/dont_know_how_i_did_it_but_i_ended_my_binge_cycle/

[Rant/Rave] I finally broke 100!!
/u/ppyeosae [62in | CW 100lbs | BMI 18.95 | GW 95lbs | UGW 85lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 16:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rmg28/i_finally_broke_100/

[Help] Keep putting off starting restriction. Keep bingeing. :(
/u/ilikebiting [5'7" | CW:Vile | GW: 115 (for now)| F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 16:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rmcbj/keep_putting_off_starting_restriction_keep/

[Rant/Rave] why am i like this
/u/DreaminOfSomeSunshin [5'6.5" | 116 lbs | 18.4 BMI | GW: 100]
Created: Fri Jan 19 16:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rmbql/why_am_i_like_this/
my ex was just trying to be sweet... he was worried about me

my flair is outdated rn but

today he saw me and kinda pulled me aside and said "hey irina you look way too skinny .. are you okay?"

and i said "i appreciate the concern but that's absolutely none of your fucking business

his sister used to be anorexic, he knows the signs. he was just trying to talk to me and i couldve talked to him but instead i was a huge fucking bitch

[Rant/Rave] Proud of myself...
/u/shrinktoavoid [F 5'7|106.2]
Created: Fri Jan 19 15:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rm7k2/proud_of_myself/
I just want to take a moment to say that I just made over 300 cookies and after weighing every single ingredient and amount that went into my mouth, I only ate 266 calories worth of cookie dough.

And considering that cookies are my fucking weakness, and I've binged 4/7 days this week, I'm pretty proud of myself and needed to share with people who would understand ❤

Now I'm going to a potluck though, so hopefully I don't fuck this up.

[Tip] About black coffee...
/u/giraffle9 [62in | CW 117 |GW 95 | -43]
Created: Fri Jan 19 15:39:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rm66r/about_black_coffee/
I know we all like our coffee black (like our souls...sorry I make that joke a lot lol) and it's a great way to save calories buut I developed pre-ulcers in college because of all that black coffee on an empty stomach, and I've worked at a dentist's office and know how rough acidity of black coffee can be on your teeth! (not even mentioning how much diet coke we drink).
I know we're not trying to be healthy here, lol, but adding a bit of cream, cashew milk, almond milk, soy milk, skim milk, anything, to your coffee may be worth the extra 10-30 calories I promise!!

[Rant/Rave] I managed to fuck it up as per usual, great!
/u/lavendersmoke [5'5" | CW 133.8 | GW 105 | SW 135 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 15:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rm5g1/i_managed_to_fuck_it_up_as_per_usual_great/
I'd been doing really well lately restricting at 600cal or under a day and last night when I was tempted to binge I ended up c/s instead. So doing good, but then today I found myself in a bulk barn and allowing myself small amount of several types of candy. No problem, it's still only close to 700cal right? Still below my BMR/TDEE.

Except I was just talking to my roommate about sizes and hips etc, she apparently thought I was a 6 or 7 when in reality I'm a 4 at my largest (currently) or easily a 2 once I get back into restricting. We lowkey argued about it an how I was being "unrealistic" saying that I could be a size 2 until she remembered how disordered I am and ended up "Never mind I'm going to stop talking". Too late now, bitch. I didn't realize I looked that big to her. Maybe she just has no idea of what sizes are considering she's three times my size but now I feel even more guilty for ruining what was a good restriction period.

tldr; let myself eat food I wasn't supposed to and discovered my roommate thinks I'm much larger than I am

[Rant/Rave] Houseki no kuni
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 117 | F | 👽]
Created: Fri Jan 19 15:17:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rm0vk/houseki_no_kuni/

[Help] Restricting/fasting on the job - I'm a driver
Created: Fri Jan 19 14:46:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlssr/restrictingfasting_on_the_job_im_a_driver/
Hello, I'm a driver for a medical supply company. I never have the energy to make my safe meals before I go out for the day, and even if I do I'm bombarded with fast food advertisements as I drive around. It's hard to stay motivated when I can't look at thinspo from my tumblr feed everytime I start to lose control.
Before getting this job (which otherwise is the best one I've ever had) I was down to 140 lbs, being a 6ft, 23 yr old male that's saying something. I felt amazing. But since starting my new job, I've gained 40 lbs and am starting to not fit my skinny clothes I bought as I started to lose weight 2 years ago (I started around double that weight).
Anyway, any suggestions and encouragement to get back on the wagon would be much appreciated.

[Help] Experiences with quitting keto? Did you gain?
/u/ParanoidPancreas [5'11 | CW 145.2 | BMI 19.6 | GW 138 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 14:45:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlsin/experiences_with_quitting_keto_did_you_gain/
I've been doing a combination of intermittent fasting, keto, and CICO for 3 months. Keto has helped me lose a lot but sadly I've gotten to the point that I just cannot reasonably do it anymore. I have been really depressed recently and I keep going over 20 carbs (about 50-60 daily) and every day I beat myself up over it. I haven't been in ketosis since before the holidays and I feel like such a failure.

In my fucked up head, I feel like if I "officially" quit keto and start eating tons of carbs again, I'll gain everything back. I still plan on doing 16/8 fasting and eating under 1200 cals a day, but I'm just terrified that somehow my weight will creep back up with the introduction of carbs.

Any experiences or suggestions are welcome. I am fucking petrified that I will ruin everything.

[Discussion] Successful flip from binging to restricting?
Created: Fri Jan 19 14:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlrow/successful_flip_from_binging_to_restricting/
Started a new ADHD med and it has given me the whatever I needed to stop my binging so far. I have been successfully under 1200 calories 4 out of the last 7 days, and 2 of the other 3 days I was around 1500. Last night I ate out with much regret.

I am finding it easier to not each lunch, a very small breakfast, and I am looking to start cutting my dinner down. I want to be around 800 calories daily. But it is an absolute effort at this point. The med helps me control myself, but I still have the desire to binge.

Has anyone managed to successfully flip their ED? Would be nice to be able to force it in the other direction.

[Discussion] How accurate have you found loser town's predicted weight loss schedule to be?
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 14:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlmiq/how_accurate_have_you_found_loser_towns_predicted/

Created: Fri Jan 19 14:19:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlltk/im_not_doing_this_anymore/
I have binged for over a MONTH, I am so ashamed of myself. I've put on about 5lbs or something which isn't the worst but it's more my binge mindset that I'm sick of.

Tonight, I just suddenly thought, fuck it, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm fasting this weekend to start off and then low restricting.

I'm trying to study for my exams and all I've been doing is thinking about food.

If I just have loads of caffeine will I be able to concentrate on studying?

[Help] I feel hopeless
Created: Fri Jan 19 14:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlimi/i_feel_hopeless/
So I’ve lost quite some weight the last 5-6 months. I’ve gone from borderline obese to «normal», but I’m still being bullied at school and called weight-related names. I feel like all this hard work was for nothing. I was actually starting to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my entire life, but it all just seems so hopeless when people still are calling me names. I dont know if they’re using those words out of old habit, or am I just delusional and in belief that I have lost more than I actually have? Anyone else with similair experiences, or am I alone?
I dont wanna go back to school for a while. Just stay at home and lose more weight so that people will like me better when I come back, hopefully.

Starting extreme restriction again from tomorrow.
Created: Fri Jan 19 13:38:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rlblm/starting_extreme_restriction_again_from_tomorrow/

[Discussion] Coming to terms with the fact I will never be able to eat with out the “battle” and my relationship with nutrition and food will probably never be “normal”
Created: Fri Jan 19 13:09:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rl4c6/coming_to_terms_with_the_fact_i_will_never_be/

[Discussion] Night or morning binge??
Created: Fri Jan 19 12:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rl1d5/night_or_morning_binge/
My brain is so stupid, last night I couldn’t get to sleep bc of hunger and when I’m hungry I’m generally wired and can’t go to bed, so I binged saying to myself “I’ll just fast tomorrow”. Binge was 800 calories of cereal and almond milk. I fell asleep feeling like a fat loser.

Woke up and my stomach was ready to explode. Like I had five days worth of poops to take and none were ready to leave my intestines yet. So I binged again on sushi and salmon and tzasiki (800 more calories). Now I’m at 1600 for the whole fucking day and I feel like a sloth. I’m so depressed I don’t even want to exercise. All I want to do is watch Netflix and curl up and wait to take a dump so my tummy can be flatter.

Okay but back to my point- do you find yourself binging more at night or in the morning? And do you LET yourself be more likely to binge at a certain time for whatever reason? Like “oh it’s the morning so I have all day to burn it off” or whatever. I just need to feel not alone and disgusting right now. Do you find you prefer one to the other?? Why??

(I hope this is the correct flair, I didn’t really know which one to tag this as)

[Rant/Rave] Calories and Macros STRESS!!
/u/kldscpdaisies [5'4 | 163.8 | 28.1 | -13.2 | F, 24, CA]
Created: Fri Jan 19 12:37:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rkw0a/calories_and_macros_stress/
I thought counting calories was stressful enough but after being made to believe that counting Macros was “easier” and supposed to make you eat “the right sort of calories” I am MORE stressed!!

Now I care deeply if my lunch has too many carbs or too much sodium even if it’s like 300 calories.

ALSO- I HATE when the calories on MFP don’t match with the restaurant nutritional info!!!!!!! I had a Vegan Kale Caesar Salad from Veggie Grill and the website says 570 but MFP says 750??? Veggie Grill states they include the salad dressing in their count but just in case I ordered the dressing on the side and used very little. Soooo annoying. Especially since I just had one of my worst B/P episode last night and I’m just trying to eat healthy and nourish myself. Jfc whyyyyyyyyyy.

Ok /end rant.

[Rant/Rave] I f*cked up my shoulder and can't work out, feeling antsy and terrible.
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 102 | F 🍍]
Created: Fri Jan 19 12:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rkoeq/i_fcked_up_my_shoulder_and_cant_work_out_feeling/
I've worked out least ten minutes, up to 45, every day since January first. and I'm so mad that I have to break this streak.

my shoulders we sore yesterday so I tried to massage the spot that hurt. I don't know what the hell I did, but it immediately cramped up and started to hurt so bad that I teared up. it was sore and tense all day, my bf tried to give me a massage but it didn't do much. now it just hurts mildly all the time. I can't turn my head too far left and I can't put any weight on that arm. I know because I tried to carry in some heavy groceries today and nearly totally froze up with how much it hurt.

im holding back the urge to do a quick ten minute routine because I KNOW it's going to hurt, but I really don't want to stop exercising I need that buffer of calories burned to not feel fat at the end of the day. god damn it. fuck.

[Goal] Just finished my first 24 hour fast!!
/u/skyofAuroras [5'10"| CW: 122.5| GW: 115|19F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 10:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rk38k/just_finished_my_first_24_hour_fast/
I know 24 hours is nothing compared to how long some people fast, but it's my first time doing so and I'm so glad I didn't fail. I've skipped meals before and I'm used to heavy restriction, so it wasn't too difficult. Today i plan to only eat light and hopefully not binge. I just needed somewhere to brag about this. Also quick question, is it normal to get a headache while fasting, and how do I get rid of it?

Edit: checked my weight, my CW is now 122.5 lbs, will update when I'm not on mobile

[Rant/Rave] My life is falling apart
/u/gciv_072 [Height 178cm | CW 55kg | CBMI 17,5 | GW 45kg | GBMI 14 | 18F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 10:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rjvlo/my_life_is_falling_apart/
So, since early fall, I was so busy being in a cycle of bingeing, purging, restricting, attempting recovery and relapsing that I missed out on everything. Of course when I first felt a heavy ED takeover coming I tried to remain a relatively high-functioning adult and a good student but it‘s just so hard. I hope (bad wording lol) you understand what I’m talking about - complete loss of control over yourself. Dissociating. My brain is literally broken and requires repairing.

There’s no one who can understand me IRL. I can’t even apply for [paid] treatment because my parents think EDs don’t exist and I should stop acting childish.

I was so busy hibernating I haven’t noticed that this semester and the exams are over. I mean, I still managed to pass the hardest, practical exams, but the theoretical ones are either failed or cut. I don’t even know what are those subjects about, I spent those couple attended lectures obsessively dreaming about food.

Consequently, I’m about to get expelled from college. A guy from the academic office called me today and said that if I don’t pass 8 exams left by Monday, they’re kicking me out. Sitting 8 exams in a single day is physically impossible, no matter how good you are.

Schooling was (and is!) the most important thing in my life. I’ve studied musical performance since I can remember and I’ve been dreaming of enrolling in this college since the age of 10 (I’m 18 now and am in the 2nd year). I’ll never be satisfied without working as a pro musician, but there’s no point in starting it over in another institution and earning BA at the age of 27.

I feel so bad for ruining my dream. I’m so so fucking sorry, 10-year-old u/gciv_072. It’s not my fault and 100% my fault at the same time. Idek what else to say.

I lowkey don’t even want to live anymore. Sorry for a long rant :(

TL;DR EDed for 3 months in a row, skipped 73% lectures, got kicked out of school. Am sad for being too crazy to pursue education

[Discussion] DAE have Gastroparesis?
/u/Reversedog89 [5'9" | CW 194 | BMI 28.6 | HW 270 | 27F |]
Created: Fri Jan 19 09:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rjcxu/dae_have_gastroparesis/
Long time lurker posting, been struggling with Gastroparesis for awhile, finally diagnosed. Mine wasn't caused by an eating disorder, but it can be. Struggled on and off with high restricting for ages, now the weight is melting off and that part of my brain is THRILLED. I'm currently stuck on enteral feeds which are really easy to restrict unfortunately.

[Help] "i think you're too skinny"
/u/grape_fruits [5'3.5" | last i checked, 102 lbs | 19F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 08:52:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rj7jn/i_think_youre_too_skinny/
and "i can feel your ribs and i'm not even pressing on them. you're underweight, right?" - boyfriend
and because i hate lying i'm just like ha h a i'm only slightly underweight it's nothing really!!
this sucks major major ass bc my roommate (and her scale) moved out this semester and my boyfriend's roommate's scale is broken and i can't even covertly buy batteries for it bc it's not in the bathroom anymore!! the random measuring tape i bought off ebay is going to come in a MONTH i literally have 0 idea of any of my body measurements rn and it's killing me. and over winter break i tried really hard to eat at maintenance and tried to """not care""" about what i was eating and push away those intrusive thoughts but i'm back on my bullshit!! two days ago i was like "i have plenty of time to get to my ugw so i should eat like 1000 cals bc nutrition and stuff" but then yesterday i ate cookies from trader joe's and decided i wasn't allowed to eat anything for the rest of the day even tho it was like 400 cal max. i think i'm going crazy tbh i can't even decide if i want to spiral 1000% into self destruction or only like 50%. i don't know how to manage my bf and friends who say things like "you're so tiny" "____ is bc grape_fruits is so skinny!" bc on one hand it makes me happy and validated and i ~feel~ skinny but also this is a problem

Nothing lifts my mood like restricting
/u/loserlosing5 [164cm | CW: 66 | Weight Lost: 19kg since April '17]
Created: Fri Jan 19 08:51:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rj7er/nothing_lifts_my_mood_like_restricting/
Literally everything could be going wrong but hey I ate 418 calories and did 90 minutes of walking so at least I’ve got that.

At the same time I do get these incredible low and sad feelings like “God I just wish I could eat normally” but ultimately NOTHING makes me feel worse than bingeing or gaining weight, so why would I deliberately make myself feel that way by eating?

Sorry 2:30am ramblings here

(Also my flair is inaccurate but I can’t update on mobile: current weight is 63kg)

[Other] Well, I relapsed.
Created: Fri Jan 19 08:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rj488/well_i_relapsed/

[Rant/Rave] Binged last night. Help.
/u/IndigoSeasons [5'9" | CW 138 | CGW 118 | BMI 20 | Female]
Created: Fri Jan 19 08:37:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rj3rf/binged_last_night_help/
I am such an idiot. I did so well getting back on track and had over 48 hours with no food at all and then i drank two beers last night and binged on BREAD and PEANUT BUTTER of all the frickin’ things to binge on. And I am talking like half a loaf of bread or more. I am up a whole pound from the last time i weighed myself and i am on the brink of tears and i have to go into work and i hate myself.

Suggestions please!
Created: Fri Jan 19 08:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rixqx/suggestions_please/

[Help] Slight panic, need some reassurance
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 149.6 | GW: 118 | -16.6 | F24]
Created: Fri Jan 19 07:52:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rismv/slight_panic_need_some_reassurance/

[Help] I feel so heartbroken because I gained weight...
Created: Fri Jan 19 07:45:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rir5a/i_feel_so_heartbroken_because_i_gained_weight/

[Rant/Rave] Why does my body insist on actually losing weight when I purge?
/u/then_she_said [5'7 | -58 | 27F | UGW: 130]
Created: Fri Jan 19 07:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rimkm/why_does_my_body_insist_on_actually_losing_weight/
Like, it would be so much easier to just not if I didn't wake up this morning a whole lb lighter than yesterday. My weight has been swinging every which way, and I know a lot of it is because I've been drinking a lot which basically means I'm hungover every morning and don't plan my meals out. I do so well for a week, lose like 5 lbs, then fuck it all up again and keep telling myself "next week".

Yesterday at work I hadn't packed myself enough food to avoid being ravenous by 2 pm, so of course I just went down to the gas station and got Fritos and onion dip and at that point it's like, "might as well eat the whole bag, and stop at Burger King on the way home! can always just purge it later!" So a whole bag of Fritos, a whole container of dip, 3 cheeseburgers, a large fries dipped in cheese sauce, and a Cinnamon Toast Crunch milkshake later (wtf, why do they make those they are 780 calories), I'm hugging my toilet, totally convinced that there's no way I got it all up and I definitely retained at least 1500 calories from the binge.

A few hours later I made myself a small, safe snack and then got drunk with my husband. Woke up expecting to see a 3 lb weight gain but no, I was down a lb. And of course my awful mind is like, "oh great! What are we eating tonight?? And tomorrow is Saturday, so we can lax, too! Let's go crazyyyyyyy"

[Discussion] January 19th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 06:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ri9y5/january_19th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What are three things you ate today?

[Help] Advice on UWG and BMI
Created: Fri Jan 19 06:07:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ri6gf/advice_on_uwg_and_bmi/

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 19, 2018
Created: Fri Jan 19 05:12:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rhwy4/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for January 19, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 19, 2018
Created: Fri Jan 19 05:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rhwx2/daily_food_diary_january_19_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 19, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] I just finished a 36 hour fast - question
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 131.6 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 04:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rhu53/i_just_finished_a_36_hour_fast_question/
So I’ve never fasted before. This was a liquid fast- I had coffee, tea, and tons of water. Made it through fine - feeling hungry now, but not sick or weak or anything.

So this fast was to make up for a pizza binge I had on Tuesday night. On Tuesday morning before the binge I was 133.2. I did not weigh myself yesterday because I was too afraid of sodium bloat and I knew the number wouldn’t be real, so I just said fuck it, we’ll fast for a day and then see.

I’m 131.6 this morning. Is that really possible? Did I lose a pound and a half just from not eating for ONE day? If I eat at my usual high restrict of 800-1000 today, am I going to gain that back? I realize I shouldn’t gain it back because 1000 is still a 500 calorie deficit from my TDEE, but I’m paranoid.

Has anyone fasted and then gained the weight they lost back from eating? Not binging, just eating. I’m curious if this is real weight loss or not.

[Help] hey new here! im liking this thread a lot and getting tips as i’m new to ana as well
Created: Fri Jan 19 04:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rht9h/hey_new_here_im_liking_this_thread_a_lot_and/

[Other] Healthy food
Created: Fri Jan 19 04:36:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rhqtk/healthy_food/
Today I ate 3 meals for ~500 cal. After weeks of fast>binge>purge and gaining a couple of kilos this feels like a victory.

When I eat it's mostly junk food. But today I had proper nutritious and healthy food. This disease makes me feel very nevative most of the time. But this feels good. I hope I can keep it up.

I dont know how to cope with my feelings (trigger warning: self harm )
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Fri Jan 19 01:43:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rh1do/i_dont_know_how_to_cope_with_my_feelings_trigger/
On mobile flair as rant or rave

I cut. I cut a bit. I turn my thighs and my arm into bloody messes. They sting. The hurt but not enough. I didn't eat when I got home I just stripped down looking at my failure of a body and got work and when I saw what I had done I cried and did it some more. I sprayed sea salt spray meant for piercings so they don't get infected.

I fucked up. I wasn't harming for months and then all these feelings made me feel helpless. I want to just hurt all the time...help me. I don't know what to do anymore or how to help myself.


[Rant/Rave] I am so so frustrated
/u/es_0 [167 cm | GW: 47 kg | 20F]
Created: Fri Jan 19 01:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rgw3c/i_am_so_so_frustrated/
Currently studying all the time because of exam season coming up and I‘m really fucking trying. I am eating alright and logging all of it (always around 1‘200), I haven’t purged in a while, I am moving and doing some exercise, I am drinking lots of water and tea, I am sleeping enough and I‘m taking my vitamins. BUT NO, since having a hormone implant put in my arm I am constantly on a light period, having cramps and feeling constantly bloated - every freaking day, I can‘t remember the last time I felt comfy and was not in any pain.

My favorite, a little bit too lose, pants are tight as hell and my stomach isn‘t getting an inch flatter. That fucking period just doesn‘t go away and it‘s leaving me frustrated. There‘s no way I could have gained actual weight according to MFP and my FitBit but I still feel like the fattest I have ever been.

I know I just have to keep on going but it just feels like no matter what I do my thights are getting wider and wider. I‘m sorry, I just had to get this out.

[Help] Help me I'm losing hope..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Fri Jan 19 00:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rgqoi/help_me_im_losing_hope/
On mobile flair as rant or something

I combed through my exes Facebook earlier because they comment on a page and I saw their comment..

My heart sunk in my chest and I felt it. Like my already broken heart had been broken more. It's been weeks to months since I heard from them and they said they needed space and then they wanted to break up. They tagged someone in their comment and when I saw the friends page it was the two of them together but it didn't say they were in a relationship.

I just want her back. I want Laura back. I have strong urges to harm my self even though it's been months since I did last. I want to bleed and hurt as much as I do on the inside.

I didn't have any appetite even with restricting low. I had like 7 oz. of broccoli part of it raw part steamed with salt and pepper and I want to purge again.

I just feel like a failure. She was my world, I gave her my heart and 5 years of my life. She was there when I was at my lowest and even when she moved for work when she visited and I was in treatment for my ED she visited briefly.

I feel so broken and lost. Does crying burn calories? I work the next 3 days and might just now eat and try to starve to death. I just want to hurt and then be done with this life.

I have nothing and I am nothing and I will never be more and even if I do it will be nothing to me without her in my life.


[Rant/Rave] Brokerexia.
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 17BMI | -165 | 30F | AU]
Created: Thu Jan 18 23:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rgk0r/brokerexia/
I fuckin have to say this all the time and its tiresome but
over the last year I've gone from a size 18 US (mostly I wore leggings so maybe I was bigger first probably), XL or L t shirts, etc. now I have no tits, all that, no idea what size shirts I'd be. Luckily my t shirts are already big boyfriend shirts or band shirts so it works.

to a size ?? 2-4 US/ 4-6 AU, I havent bought any clothes because I HAVE NO MONEY I just went into H&M to see what size I was in jeans because I had no idea and I wanted to know.

(my husband gave me a pair of jeans over the summer leftover from work that he had been given for free bc they were way too small for him so ive been wearing them but they are falling off. )

Anyway; my bras dont fit, i was a 36 C+/D. Now i'm idk some sort of B cup, I have maybe one bra that sort of fits because I bought it way too small. luckily with small boobs you can get away with not wearing them. My underwear is always falling off of my ass.

You get the idea.

So here I am, alone in Australia with no friends no job and no money, with clothes starting to just hang off me.

Sorry I'm ranting. I had to get it out.

[Discussion] ED Changes
/u/DangerTaterz [5'4 | CW 205.4 | GW1 199 | UGW 130? | 35.6 | 25 F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 23:34:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rghuy/ed_changes/
I was just wondering how anyone else's ED has changed over time? When I was younger (about high school aged) I "tried" to be bulimic as in trying many different forms of purging to counteract my out of control eating, not because I thought it was a good idea). I tried exercising enough to get rid of everything, tried puking, did lax for quite awhile, tried restricting or fasting (was able to do a water/0 cal liquid fast for 3 days until it made me sick), gave c/s a go but it wasn't satisfying to me, I've even tried eating healthy. But everything just seems to end in a binge for me. Partially because I'm always fucking hungry, partially because I would also use food as a way to hurt myself.

Earlier this week I decided to only eat one meal a day and log it the best I could (my guy has been the one cooking). While I haven't been actively trying to stay at a certain cal amount, I've been staying around 900 or under.

Except for the other night when my blood sugar dropped, I've been fine. Hungry at points yes, but no urge to binge which I'm rather amazed at. The last time I tried to restrict what I was eating, it was a "healthy" amount of calories and after maybe a week I couldn't help but binge. Before every day I tried to restrict was a fight. I guess I'm just amazed right now. I hope this isn't just a fluke and I still wont have a binge in a week or 2 from now.

So I'm wondering if anyone has has gone from consistently over eating to consistently under eating?

Created: Thu Jan 18 23:32:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rghim/alcoholism/
I hope this doesn't get deleted (I'd forgotten I made this account) but I need to get some stuff off my chest and I think you might be the only people that can relate...

I was underweight for years, quite intentionally lol. Once I discovered alcohol...My addiction transferred, I think. I stopped caring so much that I was gaining weight, I needed to. But it was the wrong way to do it...

I haven't been underweight for 5 years, I'm a "healthy weight" now. But there's nothing healthy about it. The drinking now is taking up my life, but it's just another obsession. I never healed at all...

I worry about thiamine deficiency every day. The two populations you see it are anorexics and alcoholics. How did I get lucky enough to have both?

The consequence is weirneke-korsokoffs syndrome. You lose reality. Your brain, memory, your sense of self. I force myself to eat to stave off this disease, but oddly enough, for the first time, I have no appetite. Food, what is Food? What is hunger? I've tried my stomach with too much vodka and for all the times I wished my stomach would just shut up....well I may get wish, but this was never what I wanted.

I'm dying. Or worse, I'm going to lose myself. Everyone depends on me. I'm supporting a family of 6 (5 adults, 2 kids) that I never agreed to take care of. I love my husband but to make sure his daughter is okay we moved in her, her mom, her moms boyfriend, and their 2 yo. They agreed when they moved in to help, but they never have. For 6 months.

So I pay all the bills and I drink to forget and don't eat so the kids can. But I don't want to go out this way.

I welcome any responses, you guys are awesome and I'm scared

[Intro] New here!
/u/desperatetogo [165cm | CW: 63 | GW: 45 | -5 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 23:20:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rgfil/new_here/
Hey guys, I've been lurking around here for a bit but I finally decided to introduce myself!

I've basically been feeling awful about my own body since I was eight years old because I've always had bigger thighs compared to the other girls. I started to obsessively restrict when I was a freshman in high school and it's been on and off since then. It's always on either extremes, either I binge every single day or I eat basically nothing. I've been on my longest binging streak yet, almost a full year, which means that I've gained a shit ton of weight and I feel really bad about it. Now I'm in my last year of high school and I guess I'm back to restricting myself because there's pressure to lose weight for prom.

I'm also a dancer, but you'd never be able to tell from just looking at me because I'm too fat. People are constantly surprised to learn that I do ballet because I don't have a ballerina's body even though I've been dancing since I was young. It's also always a struggle to see my own body line so clearly for 10+ hour a week because I spend so much time in front of a mirror wearing tight/non-existent clothing. I just want to feel good enough about myself that I'm not scared of judgement whenever I'm in public.

Thanks for reading!!

Looking for Ana buddy
Created: Thu Jan 18 22:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rg3xu/looking_for_ana_buddy/

The disgusting image of a drunken binge.
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 22:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rg3sj/the_disgusting_image_of_a_drunken_binge/

[Help] Weird recovery feels- pls help
Created: Thu Jan 18 21:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfvn4/weird_recovery_feels_pls_help/
I've been attempting recovery on my own, which for me means eating at a healthy deficit of 300-500 cal/day. I've been doing this successfully for several months, and losing ~.5 lbs per week. I've been really happy with everything so far, and haven't restricted too much.

I binged like crazy between Thanksgiving and Christmas though, so I didn't weigh myself for like 6 weeks. I knew I had gained, and I didn't want to fall into a self-loathing spiral, so in an attempt at self-care, I didn't look at the scale. Until yesterday. I debated about it for several weeks, and finally decided to come to terms with the truth. Best case scenario, I would be back where I was before the holidays. Worst? Maybe a few pounds over.

I was 5 lbs less than the lowest I had even hoped. This put me at 123.6, which is a weight I haven't been at since I was super restricting and lost my period in high school. It was a weight I had considered making a goal weight, but decided against it because I really didn't know if I could do it. Cue lots of confused feels. I am really confused and upset that I lost 5 more pounds, basically without even noticing. I am upset that I am the lowest weight I have been my adult life, and again, somehow got here without even realizing it. Both my husband and therapist have suggested that maybe it is time to switch to maintenance, and if you had asked me a month ago, I would have agreed that this is a good weight for me to maintain. But now? I don't know, it just caught me so off guard. I'm not ready to stop yet. I thought I would look different at this weight. I actually do like the way I look, but somehow in my mind 123 was going to be sooo lean, and it's just not.

I'm just freaked out because I'm trying really hard to recover, and accidentally hitting this weight caught me off guard. I don't know what to do now. I want to recover, but I feel like I'm not done losing yet, but I honestly can't tell if that's just the dysmorphia talking, or if I could keep losing at a healthy rate? How do I know when to stop?

For reference, I am 5'4", and very athletic/muscular. I have lost 16 lbs over the last several months. I am certainly the leanest I've ever been, and I don't want my weight loss to interfere with my sports, but I definitely still have cellulite on my butt and thighs. I am a size 4, which is great and I'm very happy about, but for some reason I thought 123 lbs would be smaller than that on my body. So now I'm thinking I could probably get t 120 pretty easily, and heck while we're at it, why not 115? And now I'm on a really slippery slope I've been trying really hard to avoid.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I feel so confused. I'm happy that my holiday binging didn't ruin my progress as much as I thought it did, but worried about the implications of potentially being at a good place to maintain without feeling emotionally ready. I just regret not looking at the scale for so long, because I feel like I could have been dealing with this gradually as it came up, but instead I was totally caught off guard.

Any thoughts or advice appreciated.

[Rant/Rave] If you ever feel down remember I'm a worse person than you
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Thu Jan 18 21:30:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfusk/if_you_ever_feel_down_remember_im_a_worse_person/
I generally espouse a lot of ideas that this subreddit would disagree with. I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. You're all so kind and I'm just here to be evil.

Evil thing 1/345: I want to lose weight mostly because the camera "adds 10 pounds" and am deluded enough...no, confident enough...to think that i will spend the rest of my life surrounded by paparazzi.

(No I'm not a model or actor, I have no reason to think this besides delusions of grandeur.)

[Discussion] Any thin girls give up sugar and alcohol?
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 29F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 21:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfrv7/any_thin_girls_give_up_sugar_and_alcohol/
I talked to this OA woman and she was so adamant that I give up anything with more than 3g of sugar and all alcohol. I guess I should listen to a thin person instead of my fat fucking self but she even suggested I bring my own food to a restaurant for my own fucking birthday dinner. Am I the only one who thinks thats insane?

[Rant/Rave] Horrible body image
/u/eatacheeto [5' SW: 127 | CW:120 I GW: 99 | 23F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 21:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfpcv/horrible_body_image/
Flair as rant/rave, on mobile.

I'm having the worst body issues right now
Every time I let myself think about how gross and big I am I am on the verge of tears
I always resort to self care with cleaning my face and showering but it's gotten o the point where I'm so upset at how I look I don't even have an appetite. There was a time when I had body peace. Some days it would be nice to just have that back.

Today a skinny girl called me "skinny as a rail"
/u/randyguptill [5'7.5" | CW 128.4 | maintaining | 19.31 | complicated |]
Created: Thu Jan 18 20:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfn40/today_a_skinny_girl_called_me_skinny_as_a_rail/

[Rant/Rave] Good binges?
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 🇨🇦 ♂︎]
Created: Thu Jan 18 20:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfekq/good_binges/
I restricted to like a total of 3300 calories for all of last week and I was feeling a binge come on big time. So I went to the store and bought a whole chicken and a pound of spinach (I narrowly talked myself out of a pack of oreos and a bunch of other junk).

I feel bad because I wanted to fast. At the same time I'm almost glad? I'm still way below maintenance and I managed to get a ton of protein and other vitamins into my body? Idk I'm just feeling conflicted about how much I ate

[Discussion] DAE try to be the skinniest person in every room?
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Thu Jan 18 20:04:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfd8z/dae_try_to_be_the_skinniest_person_in_every_room/
Now that I have one pant size left (size 0) my goals are getting more strange.

when I look around a room *as thin* is okay, but *thinner* makes me agitated. They probably haven't ruined their physical and mental health like I have 🙃

[Discussion] I might actually have a disorder [discussion]
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Thu Jan 18 19:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rfaz2/i_might_actually_have_a_disorder_discussion/
I live pretty close to the place where the crazy parents had the 13 kids locked up, so I hear a lot about it all day in the news. Things like, "police thought the 29 year old female was 15. They thought the 17 year old was 10. That's how emaciated these children were"

And today, "all of the clothing donations you can take to <police station> are a junior small - even the adults."

Every time I hear about this I'm like, "God danm. #goals." So yeah...maybe there is something wrong with me.

[Rant/Rave] Emotional eating FML
/u/ParanoidPancreas [5'11 | CW 145.2 | BMI 19.6 | GW 138 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 19:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rf91h/emotional_eating_fml/
Please for the love of God, somebody tell me how to stop my depression binges. Whenever I feel low I binge on sweets and then it just fuels my depression even more. I'm tired of using food as a coping mechanism. It's like it's the only thing that gives me temporary comfort. Literally in the moment I can be like "You don't want to do this! You'll regret it!" and I'll still eat like 3 donuts regardless. My impulse control is shit.

[Discussion] Cancelled attending company event because I feel too fat
/u/321Model [5'4| GW: 150 | 30's/F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 19:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rf588/cancelled_attending_company_event_because_i_feel/
I had volunteered to work at a party/event for my job this weekend. For these events we have wear company attire and I just feel like a bloated, fat mess in it right now. When I initially volunteered I felt like I could do it (mostly via restricting) but as it's in 2 days I started to feel self conscious, anxious and stressed this morning so I made up an excuse and luckily was able to get out of it.

Anyone else's ED turn them into a flake? =(

[Discussion] I wanna marry xylitol Ice Chips
Created: Thu Jan 18 19:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rf3ae/i_wanna_marry_xylitol_ice_chips/
I always forget how much I love those xylitol-sweetened minty chip things. I get the lemon and berry ones usually. I only ever hear about Halo Top but Ice Chips should be a big hit on this sub too.

How do yall feel about them?

[Discussion] EC stacking + SSRIs?
/u/sleep-iest [5'5" | 20F | cw 176 | hw 190 | lw 120 | gw 100]
Created: Thu Jan 18 19:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rf0cn/ec_stacking_ssris/
Wondering if any of you have experience stacking while on SSRIs. I’m on 60mg of Prozac (have been for years) and stacked twice this week. I felt a little anxious the first time, but after 30 min felt great. Both times I had lots of energy, was productive, and was able to restrict better. I plan on avoiding stacking when I’m doing HIIT or other intense work outs, but I just wanted to know anyone else’s experiences. I do have panic disorder so I don’t plan on taking it every day or when I am already feeling particularly anxious.

[Rant/Rave] I got rejected from a job, binge ate fried chicken in bed, and now feel like a failure on multiple counts
/u/InterchangeableMoon [Height 5'0" | CW 110 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 18:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7reugf/i_got_rejected_from_a_job_binge_ate_fried_chicken/

[Rant/Rave] My p-doc is Adding in a new antidepressant to my many meds. She knows I won’t take anything with weight gain. Main side affects nausea, vomiting, and loss of appetite. Hell yeah! Oh ED brain.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Thu Jan 18 17:47:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7reiir/my_pdoc_is_adding_in_a_new_antidepressant_to_my/

[Discussion] What is your personal "perfect bmi"?
/u/DreaminOfSomeSunshin [5'6.5" | 116 lbs | 18.4 BMI | GW: 100]
Created: Thu Jan 18 16:48:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7re4gf/what_is_your_personal_perfect_bmi/

[Rant/Rave] why am i like this?
/u/DreaminOfSomeSunshin [5'6.5" | 116 lbs | 18.4 BMI | GW: 100]
Created: Thu Jan 18 16:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7re1xi/why_am_i_like_this/

[Rant/Rave] i can't fucking stop
Created: Thu Jan 18 16:34:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7re11m/i_cant_fucking_stop/
god i'm so disgusting i literally can't stop binging and i'm already overweight and i just keep gaining weight because i have no willpower and i'm so hideous and worthless and obese

for once in my life i just want to be tiny and dainty but that will never happen because i'm so pathetic that i can't even starve myself correctly or make myself throw up the right way

i fucking hate myself so much i hate my disgusting fat flabby hideous unloveable body and i'm absolutely going to be alone forever because there's no way in hell that anyone would ever love me or even be friends with me looking as disgustingly and embarrassingly fat as i am now

i'm 5'5 and i weigh like 155-ish and it feels so disgusting typing that out because i'm so pathetic and gigantic compared to all of you other tiny girls here and i know everyone reading this is secretly judging me and thinking "oh wow i'm glad that's not me" and i feel like i'm faking having an eating disorder because "oh you can't have an eating disorder you're fat" but it hurts just as much

i just want to be small.

[Other] Drinking vodka and eating skinny pop popcorn
/u/-teaqueen- [5'3" | 115 | 20.37 | -20 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 16:14:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rdw8r/drinking_vodka_and_eating_skinny_pop_popcorn/
Anyone want to talk? Send me a message !

[Discussion] Do you think it’s automatically disordered to strive for/intentionally maintain an underweight BMI?
/u/dontthinkineedyou [🌱 modern day sisyphus 🌻 | 🍑: kumoma]
Created: Thu Jan 18 16:10:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rdv1u/do_you_think_its_automatically_disordered_to/
tl;dr: I want to have my cake and not eat it too.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I actually WANT to be healthy! I WANT to be normal around food. I WANT my period back. I don’t feel any pride or comfort in being cold or miserable all the time. I hate worrying about whether or not I’m going to survive my walk home or make it through another shift at work because I’m shaky and faint. I am not trying to shrink myself psychologically or physically because I don’t think I deserve to take up space. I am not trying to be “sick enough” and I’m not restricting so I can punish myself, make people notice/ignore me, or garner attention/affection/social acceptance. (Absolutely zero offense meant if you relate to any of those.)

I’m not saying I’m mentally healthy, but I’ve never really felt like I had an eating disorder. I actually kind of live in fear of someone diagnosing me with one. I’m just an anxious, obsessive perfectionist who likes numbers, control, and winning. And apparently, I’ve finally picked a game (weight management) that I cannot “win” without slowly killing myself or driving myself insane in the process. It’s not that I’m worried that I’ll become obese if I eat intuitively. I know that I probably won’t. It’s not that I think I’ll finally be pretty, skinny, or lovable if I weigh X amount of pounds. I’ve actually weighed in under my UGW, so I know from experience that I’ll still have my soft, garbage body. I also know that I can probably achieve the look I want by eating more (which I WANT to do!) and properly exercising (which I also WANT to do).

None of those facts matter though. I have found the numerically perfect weight range and I am going to try my damnedest to stay there. The problem for me isn’t society or culture, or my body image, or other people’s image of me; the problem is I am competing with the motherfucking LAWS OF PHYSICS. The natural world. The biology of the human body. The reality of MY body. I want to eat freely and be healthy and have energy and be at a weight that is apparently a slow suicide for me.

I’m not known for giving up though, so onward we go. :)

[Discussion] You know you have an ED when...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 15:08:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rdf3n/you_know_you_have_an_ed_when/
Your boyfriend says his entire family has the flu and your first thought is, “I wonder how much weight I could lose if I got the flu? How soon can I get over there?” EDs are weird.

[Discussion] What nutrition facts do you guys count?
Created: Thu Jan 18 14:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rdbob/what_nutrition_facts_do_you_guys_count/
Do you guys only count calories or do you also focus on carbs, sugar, fats, etc.?

[Rant/Rave] Significant others ex
Created: Thu Jan 18 14:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rdb1b/significant_others_ex/
Does anyone else hate their boyfriend/girlfriends ex? I hate this girl. During the first two years of our relationship, she would constantly be in contact with my boyfriend. Even when I told him to stop she would call and he would answer and not tell me about it until I found out. His sister talks about how great she is and how he fucked it up with her. His ex and his sister are still in contact. I've contacted her a few times to tell her to please leave us alone and now she has me blocked on everything. Oh and when me and my boyfriend first started dated he told me how he was so in love with her and how she broke his heart. This fuels my eating disorder so bad. His ex is extremely tiny and I feel like I will never be as good as her. I get so anxious that he's talking to her behind my back that I binge and purge as a result (which i don't understand why I do this). Does anyone else have any kind of experience with this??

[Tip] Just a tip, free tea
/u/lonelysweetpotato [5'7 | 140 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 14:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rdab4/just_a_tip_free_tea/
I don't know if this is allowed but I thought i'd let you guys know google express has a code for $10 off your order with their referral program.

Shipping is $6 so if you order something under $4 (like tea) it'll be free. I just ordered some mint chocolate tea from Tazo. Tea and coffee are what keeps me going and i know a lot of you are the same.

[Rant/Rave] I messed up in every possible way today
Created: Thu Jan 18 14:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rd005/i_messed_up_in_every_possible_way_today/
I made a throwaway for this because... I don't know, I'm paranoid.
* Screw-up number 1: My therapist is going on a leave of absence. I really like her, but I don't talk to her about my ED. I've hinted that there are things that are taking up a lot of space in my head but I feel like I can't talk about them, but that's as close as I've gotten. Anyway, she gave me too possible referrals within the same organization, and I read their bios on the website. One happens to have experience treating EDs and the other does not. I thought, "Ok, here's your chance, you really need some help with this," but I made an appointment with the other one because I didn't want to be stopped while I still felt big. So dumb.
* Screw-up number 2: It was a fasting day, according to my calendar, but at about 4pm I felt hungry and stressed and I broke down and bought a small package of candy, which woke up the monster and led to a whole bunch of other food, as well.
* Screw-up number 3: I purged. Not everything, not even close, but I figured out how to do it, today of all days, after years and years of believing I couldn't.
*What is wrong with me?!* It's the very first day of the semester, and this is how I'm going to start out? Somewhere in my brain there is a smart part, some small cluster of cells that know what I need to do to not be miserable, but I can't seem to utilize them lately.

[Rant/Rave] You know you’re deep in this shit when...
/u/carlems [5'2| CW: 101,8 | GW: 97 | -19]
Created: Thu Jan 18 14:06:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rcy90/you_know_youre_deep_in_this_shit_when/
...you’re having sex with your boyfriend for the first time and all you can think about is how much you might be burning calories while doing that (also TMI but I was panicing way too much about swallowing during bj because sperms have calories lmao)

[Discussion] Songs about EDs and/or mental illness, go!
Created: Thu Jan 18 13:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rcw81/songs_about_eds_andor_mental_illness_go/
My current go-to is A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley.

Gimme yours! I wanna make a playlist.

[Rant/Rave] Why?
/u/Rolly_Polly_ [Height 172 | CW 71 | GW 55 | BMI 23.86 | 30F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 13:52:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rcufm/why/
Let me start by saying that I am going through a horrible binge cycle at the moment and I literally can't stop eating. I have gained so much weight. I don't know how to stop and have a severe case of depression.

My mom just sat opposite of me, looked in my direction and just said: "Hey, your face seems rounder. Looks like you gained weight."

I kind of froze and asked her not to discuss this. She is upset with me now and just said that she is not lecturing me or anything. She knows that I have issues with my weight. But still felt that she needs to bring it up.

She also is upset that I don't want to tell her everything that I am doing and be the best friends for ever.

I am so upset about this all. And of course, my stupid brain just goes and wants candy to soothe myself. WTF is wrong with me?! Why can't I be normal?

Sorry about the rant.

[Tip] PSA: Sugar free jam (10 cals/serving)
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | CW: 119 | GW: small | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 13:12:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rcjpg/psa_sugar_free_jam_10_calsserving/
I'm on mobile, please flair as tip. Thanks!

So, I've had some pretty killer jelly/jam/artificial fruity flavored cravings since this morning. Broke down and went to the store, thinking maybe I'd spend the rest of the day's calories on a jar of Smuckers or something.

Turns out I could get a jar of sugar free jam for less than $3. And guys! It's actually good! Smuckers and the generic brand both had varieties of sugar free jams and jellies, all for 10 calories/tbsp. The jars have about 21 servings altogether--so, 210 if you're feeling a binge. I wish I'd known about this before all my fruit snack-related binges of the past.

The only thing stopping me from devouring the whole jar was the 3g of fiber per serving (over 60g for the entire shebang). I feel like it might have the same effect as sugar free candy, sooo I'm a little scared for my anus rn. But if I get diarrhea, it'll probably be worth it tbh.

Edit: Just had one of the best poops of my life. No scary laxative nightmare. 10/10 would eat again.

[Intro] Intro
/u/_1a2b3c_ [5'8.5"| CW: 194ish lbs | BMI: 27.84 | Weight Lost: 16 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 12:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rcf2h/intro/
Hey guys - I've been lurking here for a while but finally decided to make an intro post!

I've struggled with ED and body dysmorphia since I was probably 12ish years old and just starting middle school. I was better for a long time, and eating "healthy", until I started to go too far in the other direction.

Now I'm in my 3rd year of university. I am currently much too overweight for my height, and my ED habits have started rapidly reappearing as I've realized how awful my body looks due to constant overeating. I'm working on just finding a happy medium for myself.

Anyway thanks for listening and hello!!

[Rant/Rave] Recovery maybe
/u/Hyde25 [5'6'' |97.0| 15.72| F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 12:50:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rce2z/recovery_maybe/
I saw a therapist for my ED over the summer, but ending up quitting after about 6 sessions with her. The therapist emailed me about a month after I quit to see how I was doing and letting me know my usual time with her was still available if I ever wanted to come back.

I finally started to think that maybe I should go back, so I emailed her, got no response back. I then sent an email directly to the ED center that I had gone to/she works for, no response again, called and left a message with the center, and once again, no response.

Its just so frustrating, the first time I ever contacted them, I got a few calls back, plus emails. They sent me options on treatment and put me in touch with a former patient of theirs for any questions I might have had, which was really helpful. Its disheartening to reach out again and get no response this time.

[Discussion] DAE binge to get rid of urges/cravings?
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 12:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rccxm/dae_binge_to_get_rid_of_urgescravings/
So I have been craving frosting and white chocolate and nutelLa for about three weeks.. and like having little bites here and there (leading to me feeling helpless and out of control and not following my eating schedule and I’ve maintained my high weight of 104 for almost a month now and it needs to go)

Anyhow, I just allowed myself to binge (or what I consider a binge) and ate 1/4 of a honeydew, a lot of white chocolate covered popcorn, c&Sed the hell out of some chocolates a few weeks back, a couple spoonfuls of halo top, literally mixed frosting in a bowl for the hell of it and then didn’t eat more than a serving of it, and finally I had wheat thins and fudge and now I never ever want any of that shit ever again

TLDR: DAE also get rid of their cravings by eating a lot of something? It always works for me
Even though it’s painful as fuck and i hate myself for eating too much, I got rid of all Hershey’s and dove cravings I ever had like two years ago, don’t care at all for potato chips since five years ago, can’t stand peanut butter since at least three years ago, and finally frosting will be off of my cravings list 😅 anyone else do this?
I feel so fcked up but it works ..

<I’m on mobile so I’m having trouble flairing this post>

[Help] Avoiding a binge after a drink?
Created: Thu Jan 18 12:28:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rc7w2/avoiding_a_binge_after_a_drink/
It's been a rough week, and so at 7:30 on a Thursday I'm borderline tipsy. I've been doing pretty well all day and have lost a couple pounds since new years, but can't get the idea of buttering the load of bread in my fridge, adding some salt, and losing myself
Thanks for any advice :)

[Rant/Rave] Breaking point [TW: purge]
/u/2girly4me [5'6 • SW 145# • -15# • CW 130# • GW 120# • 20F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 12:28:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rc7uq/breaking_point_tw_purge/
I B/P regularly and I couldn't control it. I just had a breaking point this morning.

I overate and purged twice yesterday. Then I woke up early around when my parents left for work. I ate half a jar of PB, and some other stuff. I puked an hour later after starting. It was hard to purge. I drunk a lot of diet soda, and the CO2 made my throat hurt which affected my purge. I slept until noon and was feeling weak. I think I had dreams where I was in my bed just not being able to move at all, or open my eyes. I didn't know what side I was sleeping on. I opened my eyes and saw I was sleeping on the other side of my body. I guess I was disoriented. Idk if that was a dream, it felt like it.

I wanna be done with B/P'ing. This is exhausting. All I can think about now is how there's too much sugar and fat in everything.

I bought coffee grounds a few weeks ago. I just began drinking it hoping my urges to eat will decrease. I fear eating now. Everytime I eat something small, it always leads to overeating.

Not looking for advice, just wanna rant.

Edit: I have been wanting to use these purges as a motivation to not do it again. The fear of purging usually goes away after an hour. But this time, it's been 8 hours and I still fear the symptoms from throwing up.

[Discussion] Excitement about food
/u/chocolattts [5'5"|CW:125|GW:105|21F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 11:27:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rbrlg/excitement_about_food/
I hate how excited I get about food. I just did a big restriction grocery shop and I'm so excited about what I bought. Why am I like this?

Pls tell me I'm not alone. Like grocery shopping is stressful but exciting all at once

[Help] How to leave your house when you can't stop self loathing?
/u/RoseliaHearts [5'8" | ??? | F | 115]
Created: Thu Jan 18 11:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rbore/how_to_leave_your_house_when_you_cant_stop_self/
I was feeling really good today. My dad got me a bunch of clothes. I have class in 45 minutes but I have to leave in 15. I did a full face of makeup and wore the new clothes and I just....can't leave the house. I feel so awful and sick to my stomach. I'm not crying because I don't want to mess up my makeup. I really want to go to the library but I don't know how I plan to show myself to the world when I feel so disgusting.

[Rant/Rave] Bought groceries to cook for my flatmates but ended up binging -_-
Created: Thu Jan 18 11:08:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rbm6l/bought_groceries_to_cook_for_my_flatmates_but/

The Doctor's Scale
Created: Thu Jan 18 10:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rbe8h/the_doctors_scale/
Hi, I'm new here, and ugghhhhh. Haven't had a doctor's appointment in over 3 years because I'm so ashamed of my weight since having kids. Just had to go in for an ear infection and I just... don't ever want to eat again after seeing that number. I knew what it would be. It's the same one that started back at me on my scale at home this morning but FUCK this time I had an audience looking at it with me. The next time I go back to that office it WILL be lower.

[Rant/Rave] DAE hurt yourself harder when you want to stop after getting hurt but then remember you really hate yourself
Created: Thu Jan 18 09:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rb10w/dae_hurt_yourself_harder_when_you_want_to_stop/

[Rant/Rave] I've been discharged from inpatient from 7 days and lost 10.9lbs lol
/u/lunamoon1 [165.5cm | cw: 104.4 | lw: 93lbs |20f]
Created: Thu Jan 18 09:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rax7u/ive_been_discharged_from_inpatient_from_7_days/
Annnnd I'm going to get readmitted soon. I'm on a community treatment order which means basically I legally have to stay over a certain weight(110lbs) or I get readmitted(I was detained in hospital)

Literally I swear once I get out into the free world, my brain just goes back into the restriction mode but this is the quickest I've ever lost it. Is it bad that I want to lose more so when I go into inpatient I'm going to be even thinner?

[Help] how to handle grocery stores?
Created: Thu Jan 18 09:10:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7raq3q/how_to_handle_grocery_stores/
it seems like every time i try to go grocery shopping, i either get things i didn't even want or even worse: things that arent vegan or even things im allergic to, so i have to go *back* inside and make the return.

i just seem to panic when im there, surrounded by food and people who might see me and think: "why the fuck is *that* thing buying food? it doesn't need it" or something, even though i know people dont even think about me or other people while they're living their own life.

and the only thing with lists is that, most of the time i dont even know what i want. there are a few times like on holidays where i make lists but in most situations i just want to be able to walk in there like a normal person and say: yeah this looks great lets get this.

instead of being in a blind panic and just grabbing shit at random, then hating every thing i got and wasting my own hard earned money.... (IT sucks)

[Other] Where to get TDEE breakdown?
Created: Thu Jan 18 09:08:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rape2/where_to_get_tdee_breakdown/
Hey guys does anyone know where I can find info about what a person’s tdee( sedentary or even bmr) is used up as? All I can find is occasional snippets of things like:“The body burns x amount to digest food”.
I can’t seem to find a full breakdown of what the energy is used for in total.

I’m really curious what the extra 300 cals or so from my bmr to tdee accounts for.

If anyone has any sources or info I’d really appreciate it.

[Tip] I found a website I think you all might like!
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 25F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 09:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7raoiz/i_found_a_website_i_think_you_all_might_like/

You can generate sample meal plans based on caloric goal, food preference, number of meals...even budget!

[Help] Ephedrine in the uk?
/u/datnastaythrowaway [H 164 | CW 56kg | GW: 50kg]
Created: Thu Jan 18 08:32:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7rag73/ephedrine_in_the_uk/

[Discussion] Do most people with ED’s go into each day with their main objective being to try and not binge?
/u/pedaling-backwards [5’2 🏙 | CW: 106 | GW1: 100]
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:53:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ra6l8/do_most_people_with_eds_go_into_each_day_with/
I posted this on Peach but after seeing some of the responses I got on there, I was curious what the rest of ya at /r/proed could say about it.

Even though 9 times out of 10 I go into each day wanting to restrict, I am typically never 100% truly confident that I will be able to successfully restrict that day. Instead, my main mindset throughout each day is to just try and not binge, and I’m always sort of paranoid that a binge is right around the corner.

I was just curious for how the rest of you approached things — when you plan on restricting (or even eating normally), is the thought of binging on the forefront of your mind for that day or is it a complete afterthought?

[Help] I need to get out of this binge and B/P cycle I’ve just been so depressed.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ra3rg/i_need_to_get_out_of_this_binge_and_bp_cycle_ive/
I’m just so depressed and my fat disgusting body just keeps binging for days then binge purge episodes. I know I’m gaining slowly. All my pants still fit but I feel my tummy getting squishy. Ughhhh I have NO energy and have cut for the first time in a year.

How do you guys break this cycle? I need to get back to myself. I’m so good at restricting in warmer months. I hate my body and mind so bad right now. I’m crying at work. I’m just so sad.

I’m sorry guys for this depressive post again this week. It’s just been a lot and I am struggling so badly.

[Rant/Rave] I keep making appointments and cancelling them
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ra3op/i_keep_making_appointments_and_cancelling_them/

the new eating disorder forum
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ra3kj/the_new_eating_disorder_forum/

[Discussion] Bulimic rock bottoms, DAE?
/u/hardyzafon [5'4 | LW: 88 | CW:120| GW:100]
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:37:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ra2w8/bulimic_rock_bottoms_dae/
I have been in so many rock bottom/anxiety inducing/ absurd situations because of my bulimia. I wanna see if anyone else relates.

I don't live alone so I prefer to purge in public bathrooms. I've got them located in both my city and my holiday place. Purging there is fine, I just do it and dgaf if anyone hears me (only way I can actually get it up, forgetting everyone else). At first I did but I realized it makes it worse because anxiety makes it hard to get things up and it takes longer. Does anyone else know what the ettiquette for this is anyway? Is it 'wrong' to purge in a bathroom you've ''paid'' for i.e. a restaurant? Is there such a thing as ''getting caught''? I was once asked to get out by a waitress cause I was taking so long, that stopped me from purging in bathrooms for a while and made me paranoid, I think she thought I was shooting up or something.

I've purged in bowls in my room which I then empty in the bathroom and in a field near my house. Once I was so desperate when I had nowhere to purge that I purged in the street at night while it was snowing, -5 degrees or something. I've made up the weirdest excuses as to why I was going out at weird times at night, and I hate lying. I've even purged in a street in a big city at 3 am where anyone could have seen me, plus I've put myself in very dangerous situations. Not to talk about what the cashiers of my supermarket must think of me. Anyway, these are all things that have happened and I'm not even doing ''that badly''. If that's how fucked up things get for me, I can't imagine what things those who are suffering more than me must have gone through. I mean, I b/ped maybe three times a week at my worst and I'm doing well on the outside. When I was anorexic I couldn't keep appearences up but now I can. Still, I never hear about all the fucked up situations we get into. Plus nothing disgusts me anymore. Like, literally, nothing. Maybe it's not to do with being bulimic but with my personality but yeah, any rock bottom moments?

[Discussion] Guy fieri and weird distractions
/u/elizasbreath [162cm| CW 46.5kg | GW: 45kg | -16kg I 18F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ra0xj/guy_fieri_and_weird_distractions/
I have literally no explanation as to why watching his shows or interviews helps me restrict but it does?? I love guy so much I just stop thinking of food??
Does anyone else have any weird distractions?

[Rant/Rave] This is why I always overestimate my calories 😑
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r9z2t/this_is_why_i_always_overestimate_my_calories/

[Other] a moment of silence to honor all the brave souls...
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80 lbs | 15.3 | -27 lbs | f]
Created: Thu Jan 18 07:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r9xqu/a_moment_of_silence_to_honor_all_the_brave_souls/
A moment of silence to honor all of the brave souls heading out to work/school/whatever before their lax has fully run its course.

May we all be blessed enough to not shit our pants in public 🙏🏻

[Help] So much for fucking recovery.
/u/ohwellwhatever90 [166cm | 44 | 16.0 | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 06:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r9qvg/so_much_for_fucking_recovery/
I'm not sure what I'm hoping for posting this here but i just have to get this out somewhere.

So I've been underweight for about 2 years now after a relapse. I'm currently at my lowest adult weight and have been maintaining around here for a while, around BMI 16. Right now I'm struggling with restricting and mini b/ps a few times a week.

I recently worked up the courage to email a dietitian and have been considering getting some support and trying to take some steps towards recovery. Right now I feel like that's totally pointless and stupid of me to even think because of other people's opinions and input.

My husband wants me to be happy and well, obviously, and he hates when I purge or am obsessive/anxious about food and weight, but as far as he's concerned my body looks absolutely fine as it is. He often compliments me on the way I look and seems pretty keen on my current figure. Which is great, except that if I were to actually commit to recovery and follow a weight restoration meal plan, I'd soon be like 10 kg heavier. That's really tough for me to commit to when I know he likes me as I am now, and obviously I'm more comfortable in terms of body image now than I am 10 kg heavier.

So that's been a worry, but then today it got even worse. I went out with a friend who I actually know from treatment but she's now recovered and we both have children and ED stuff rarely comes up. She asked if I'm fine now and said I seem fine. I said yeah I guess so, but that my mom wanted me to gain (my mother only sees me on Skype, but she's said many times that she's upset about my current appearance and wants me to be a healthy weight). My friend basically responded that she didn't understand why my mom would say that, because i look 'fine.' She didn't give the impression that she sees me as underweight at all, and acted like my mom was being silly and weird to say otherwise.

I'm sure you guys can understand how like... distressing.. that was for me to hear. Because now not only do I feel like recovery and gaining is pointless and not worth the emotional stress or financial strain, I also feel totally invalidated about my current weight. Both my husband and my friend see me as like thin but not unhealthy looking, and that's at a weight that I thought was relatively low. Now I feel like in order to warrant recovery I need to lose even more. I'm so exhausted and feel so defeated by this disease but all of these opinions are making it impossible to feel motivated to recover, especially when I'd need to have the motivation to do it alone because I can't afford to see a therapist or go to more intensive treatment.

I don't know. Just... help :'( I'm really upset. I feel like an idiot for even believing that I have anorexia. I clearly don't. I'm probably just really skinny-fat and have zero muscle so I'm one of those people who has a low BMI but isn't actually underweight. Fuck my life.

[Discussion] January 18th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 05:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r9fzz/january_18th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What was peaceful about today?

It wasn’t getting up, that’s for damn sure. And I’m going to a “romance” (aka sex toy/lotions/lubes/lingerie/whatever) party tonight so I’m sure that’ll be peaceful 🙄😂

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 18, 2018
Created: Thu Jan 18 05:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r9ac0/weekly_emotional_support_january_18_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 18, 2018
Created: Thu Jan 18 05:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r9a3x/daily_food_diary_january_18_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 18, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] “skipping meals” is a foreign concept to me
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 125 | ugw: 98 | 17F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Thu Jan 18 03:54:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r8xw2/skipping_meals_is_a_foreign_concept_to_me/
because i eat *all fucking day* when i eat. i’m convinced i’ve developed BED since recovering from my restrictive ED in the past couple years. i’m 20 pounds higher than the weight that i’ve *never* had trouble maintaining (i’m too embarrassed to update my flair) because all i do is eat. i literally come home from school and will eat over a thousand calories within 20 minutes. i don’t know what to do anymore. nothing helps me eat moderately anymore, i’ve tried everything there is.

[Rant/Rave] Special brownies
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 18 02:29:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r8l1v/special_brownies/

[Rant/Rave] How do people just casually eat cake?
Created: Thu Jan 18 01:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r89t2/how_do_people_just_casually_eat_cake/
Occasionally I’ll come home, open the fridge, and see a huge fucking slice of cake that my roommate has bought from the store. My sister used to do the same shit (although it would end up in her face well before it got to the fridge).

Like... who buys cake? If I buy cake/cookies/non-halo top ice cream all of it ends up in my face within a half hour and then down the fucking toilet. Who has the self control and/or self love to just eat cake?

[Other] Trying the ABC diet and it’s actually pretty great
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7xyt/trying_the_abc_diet_and_its_actually_pretty_great/

[Rant/Rave] Companies are shitty and I am a product of a shitty world.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7wyx/companies_are_shitty_and_i_am_a_product_of_a/
On mobile flair as rant/rave

I read an article that didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Essential nutritional labels are lies so companies can peddle more food on people.

I count calories meticulously and even over estimating I still feel like I am wrong because I am wrong. If I had the time and the label I would test everything and publish a black book of calories that companies don't disclose and would love to see the lawsuits that could occur.

Maybe I am power tripping a little over there. I just feel upset that the world is dishonest and awful. I don't want to be healthy because healthy is fat to me and I don't even know what fat is. It a some word we made up to put people down and yet it weighs heavily on my mind (pun intended)

The world is shallow and so are we regardless of how much we try to claim we are not. I feel like animals don't develope eating disorders but maybe they do. I guess animals just don't mate if they aren't desired.

I just want to wake up and not be lied to and I want these liars to pay for the damage they cause to society. Culture creates eating disorders and so did stress and depression and I guess a lot of things.

I just want to not think so much. But I do. And so I am eating barely anything cause double barely anything is still not much I hope. Might need to cut my intake down more from it a low number and overestimate more. So eat like 100 calories and estimate is as 300 and call it a day.

If I die I would love to put my blood on the hands of those partially responsible. To the teacher who took advantage of me, my parents for the emotional abuse and neglect, the person's who assaulted me and made me ashamed of my body. To the people who didn't think I was sick.

I am just really down.



[Rant/Rave] Loss of appetite due to depression is bringing back alllllllll my ED feels
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:48:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7wq0/loss_of_appetite_due_to_depression_is_bringing/
Hi everyone, new to this sub. So I struggled a lot with both bulimia and anorexia in high school but since then I'd been, for the most part, recovered (still got some intrusive thoughts from time to time but that was it). I was even going to the gym trying to gain some muscle mass since I'd fucked up so much of my muscle tissue due to starving back then. But I've had depression for a while now and recently it's led to a complete loss of appetite and feeling repulsed just thinking about food. So I've barely been eating, not because I'm trying to lose weight but because I can't stomach anything, but now all those feeling are coming back. Sometimes my stomach will growl and I'll almost cry because I'd honestly forgotten how GOOD it felt to be so empty. How pure. I got weighed at the GP yesterday and I was stunned that I was back in the 40s (kilos), which hadn't happened since my recovery, because I honestly hadn't noticed any weight loss. I've been prescribed more antidepressants partially to help bring my appetite back... but now I'm not sure I want it back. It feels so good to be losing again. It's addictive.

[Discussion] Hoarding and EDS
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:46:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7wgt/hoarding_and_eds/
Finding the root of my hoarding tendencies is tricky, but it’s *so much worse* when my ED is in full swing.

I think it’s partially because I live alone (with my dog) and work from home, so if I stock up it’s possible to hide in my studio pretty much forever...aand keep restricting/doing weird ED shit in peace and without temptations or distraction.

On another post recently I commented that I hoard pretty much everything—food (safe and binge), zero cal drinks, weed, medicine, cleaning supplies, beauty products.

What are your experiences with hoarding and ED behaviors?

[Help] Black coffee
/u/DangerTaterz [5'4 | CW 205.4 | GW1 199 | UGW 130? | 35.6 | 25 F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7rjh/black_coffee/
How did you get used to drinking coffee without adding anything, or just coffee in general? I can only drink coffee when the taste has been completely hidden, like some cappuccinos. Basically super sweet drinks with very little actual coffee. And drinking all those calories will definitely cancel out any benefit of the caffeine.

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] PSA about pharmacies
/u/takayl [5'10 | 178 | 25 | -20 | 18F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:15:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7r4k/rantrave_psa_about_pharmacies/
I'm not sure if everyone already knew this but it looks like pharmacies can share your prescription info via mail. I'm at college and today my parents received a letter from CVS telling them that my prescription for Wellbutrin needs to be changed to 90-day instead of 30-day. I guess they got my address either through my medical provider or my (parent's) insurance company? I don't think there's any way for others to access any of your other health info, even if you're on their insurance but definitely call your pharmacy and providers to specify email-only notifications or change your address. lol in other news my parents didn't know i have depression or b/p issues and telling them about depression today might have ruined my life because they think that there's something fundamentally wrong with people w mental illness/they don't actually exist so big fuck you to CVS

[Help] How am I not losing ANY weight?!
/u/AirmansGirl [5'5 | CW 128 | GW 111| 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 23:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7owe/how_am_i_not_losing_any_weight/
I’ve been eating less than 700 calories everyday for more than a week and I’ve lost not even a pound. How?! I also haven’t pooped in a few days but I thought that was because I’m not eating much. I’m so frustrated.

[Rant/Rave] My ED make a me wasteful and I'm upset.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Wed Jan 17 22:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7iar/my_ed_make_a_me_wasteful_and_im_upset/
On mobile flair as rant/ rave

I went out with a friend to cinema bae to see a movie, the shape of water for those curious. It was good. I got an alcoholic drink that was low in calories a and still didn't drink it and the it in the trash when my friend wasn't paying attention.

The drink costed 13 dollars. It was a double vodka soda water with like.I lime. I had two sips and then tosses it because I wanted to save my calories for some thing else because I plan to fast tomorrow.

I sort of binged on fried pickles, I ate like 10 of them and then broke my no purge streak. I purged the pickles and it actually hurt. I feel awful now I might not even have my late snack now. I walked 25k steps and ate 350 calories...

Kill me. Send internet hugs and support I feel awful.


[Other] I've been playing with this webpage for 10 minutes now... Had fun entering my SW, CW, GW, and then trying them all in as many countries as I could think of :)
/u/yssjfs [SW:160|LW:112|CW:130.8|GW:☠]
Created: Wed Jan 17 21:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7a8s/ive_been_playing_with_this_webpage_for_10_minutes/

[Help] I just purged for the first time
/u/sleep-iest [5'5" | 20F | cw 176 | hw 190 | lw 120 | gw 100]
Created: Wed Jan 17 21:23:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r76aw/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
I've been restricting off and on for pretty much as long as I can remember, and have tried to purge a few times in the past. Last night I was especially upset about my dinner, and got close, but tonight, even though I fasted all day to prepare, I went out to dinner with my roommates and felt so full and desperate and disgusting. I tried purging and it worked but I don't feel better/am anxious because it's not like a lot came out. Sorry just feeling.... emotional.

[Discussion] Is there a website that gives you a scaled model of yourself?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 21:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r7412/is_there_a_website_that_gives_you_a_scaled_model/
Does anyone know if there’s a website where you put in your measurements and it gives you a scaled model of how you look? I feel like that could be really useful for body dysmorphia and figuring out how you actually look because it would be just a figure instead of looking like you.

Edit: forgot to flair ans can’t figure out how to fix it on mobile, sorry!

[Rant/Rave] I’m a random
Created: Wed Jan 17 21:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r72nh/im_a_random/
Been eating less and less. I just feel so weak and dull it’s hard to eat ever unless I’m fucked up. My friend had been sneaking granola bars in my car console bc i confided and told her, but restriction isn’t the problem. Had to eat one today bc i was sure I’d pass out while driving home. Most times when i eat “freely” I’m drunk. Did this, this evening and decided to purge (have done this but actually hate it), and just felt...relief for the one fucking meal i treated myself to today. Every meeting for work i have everything is driven by how people view me and my body. I’m falling in love with someone who I’m afraid will think I’m too fat to deem me the Same. He for the first time in people history called me small and i thought that he could sense my Ed and said it to make me feel good. Clearly needed to vent. Tbh I’m happy i puked bc it helped me think about wtf is actually going on up in my brain.



[Discussion] Looking for a friend to casually talk to
Created: Wed Jan 17 20:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6tla/looking_for_a_friend_to_casually_talk_to/

[Discussion] Anyone else like this?
Created: Wed Jan 17 20:07:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6qk2/anyone_else_like_this/
So I was diagnosed as bulimic when I was 12. I’m 18 now and I always thought I was bulimic (been hospitalized too many times to count) but I’ve noticed that I think I’m anorexic b/p subtype or whatever it’s called. I was never 100% honest with therapist or doctors because if I told them everything then they’d stop me from losing weight and make me eat.

So my question is does anyone else do this: I never want food in my stomach. Or, more accurately, I never want to DIGEST food. It’s been like this for years. I have a constant urge to binge but I ALWAYS need to purge or else I have a meltdown and take 10-15 Ducolax. If I muster the strength, I’m able to fast for days. I never really restrict because in my head, ANYTHING is a binge. So even if I eat a single piece of plain wheat bread or something, I will purge. Because of that, I just fast until I break down and binge, then purge, take laxatives, try to exercise as much as possible, then try to fast again. Can anyone relate? Does anyone know what this is? The name isn’t really that important I’m just curious. It’s been on my mind lately.

[Help] Safe Food
Created: Wed Jan 17 19:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6mmz/safe_food/
Hello ladies and gents! I just (as the title hints) wanted to know what you guys favorite safe foods are?
Mine is literally anything fiber one or those 100 cal Chips Ahoy/Oreo thin crisps.🙂

[Other] I’m Going to Get Help
/u/lost-in-an-echo [5'3" | CW: 87 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 19:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6jkj/im_going_to_get_help/
I posted last week about having trouble eating due to anxiety. I’m still having issues. Today I had a terrible panic attack, so I decided to schedule an appointment with a doctor because I know I need help. As for my eating disorder, it has become a instance of “be careful what you wish for.” I had a moment of clarity where I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how frail and sick I am. As I said in my previous post, I am scared- because I feel like I’m slowly killing myself.

I don’t know what my current weight is, but it’s a bit lower than my flair. My main problem is severe anxiety and I really want to get it under control, because it’s interfering with my daily life. I want to eat and get over my fear of gaining weight. Sorry if this post seems a little jumbled, I just need to get it off my chest!

[Help] Is there a true way to see how I look?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 99]
Created: Wed Jan 17 19:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6ho9/is_there_a_true_way_to_see_how_i_look/
Is it possible for different mirrors to make you look different? For example, the full length mirror I have at home makes me look fat. The mirror at the gym and at work make me look skinny. I have no idea how I look like. Do I need to lose more weight? I have a web camera for my dog, and I watched myself on it but the angle is weird and I look really really fat. Is there a true way to see how I look?

[Other] Maintenance update
Created: Wed Jan 17 19:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6c4p/maintenance_update/
Okay I doubt anyone really cares but I made a post about eating at maintenance to get off this god forsaken plateau. Well I did it, I ate all 1800 calories and now I feel disgusting and wanna go home and cry lmao it's so weird to think that this is what normal people eat every. Single. Day.

I'm kind of debating trying to purge when i get home. I've never done it before but I feel so disgusting and desperate right now, it's all I want.

[Rant/Rave] That horrible feeling when you can't get everything out.
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:39:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r66zk/that_horrible_feeling_when_you_cant_get/
For some reason pasta is my enemy, I can never purge it all and need extra time with it. My mom knocked on the door mid purge to accuse me of throwing up since she heard "belching." I just let it go for now and left the bathroom because it wasn't worth the fight. I weighed myself and I'm up 3 lbs since this morning which sucks so bad. Probably gonna drink a senna tea and fast tomorrow. I hate not being able to get everything out and having it left in my stomach. I look so bloated. I don't even want to drink the senna tea because it will make me feel even more bloated.

[Help] Bloating at high restriction??
/u/peridoti [5'0 | 130 lb | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:32:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r65dw/bloating_at_high_restriction/
Freaking out. This morning I weighed EIGHT pounds heavier than the previous day. I'm only five feet, so bloating eight pounds is GINORMOUS.

It's my first week starting a birth control and I have had a PERFECT two weeks of around 400 to 800 calories. No cheats. It's been great. I drink a lot of water during the day and have barely peed.

Please help, I feel like a monster. WHEN WILL IT DROP.

[Rant/Rave] I’m so frustrated!
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r6201/im_so_frustrated/
I don’t understand why I can’t stop eating. Why am I always hungry? It’s exhausting I’m tired of fighting w my self every single minute and second. It’s getting to the point where I just want to sleep all day. I use to have amazing control now i have none.

[Rant/Rave] I miss my flat stomach
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:17:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r61q6/i_miss_my_flat_stomach/

[Help] Hypothyroidism?
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r60ba/hypothyroidism/
So apparently I seem to have given myself hypothyroidism. I had blood work done that my doctor said points to it, and I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with it? Is it reversible? I’m pretty upset and freaked out and don’t know who to ask about it. My doctor knows about my disorder but honestly isn’t the most on top of things or focused on my ED, plus I feel awful talking about it so I didn’t get much information from her about it. I’d really appreciate any info or advice :(

[Rant/Rave] A fun list of the things I binged on/plan on binging on today
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:05:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r5yuc/a_fun_list_of_the_things_i_binged_onplan_on/
- an ENTIRE FUCKING BAG of Smartfood popcorn: 650 cal
- 3 cups of sugar free jello: 70 cal
- 200 g frozen grapes: 134 cal
- pint of of oatmeal cookie Halo Top: 280 cal

Blew immediately past my goal for today and I’m not even sorry enough yet to purge. The meds must be working.

But hey, at least I’m still below 1200 😂

[Rant/Rave] I am such a fucking idiot.
/u/axanax_lattepls [5'4~ cw: 108~ gw: 95/85?]
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r5ydb/i_am_such_a_fucking_idiot/
So I've been under a ton of pressure lately (lol when am I not) and the brain fog has been so so so awful. Anyway I've been heavy restricting and fasting lately but due to school and needing to function cognitively just a bit, I decided to eat. I'm visiting my boyfriend at the moment and I mostly try not to eat when I'm with him unless it's every once in awhile so he doesn't start to talk about it (he respects that I do not want to talk about my eating disorder. If I bring it up he's all ears but other than that i've asked him to be blind to it. it's barley working) anyway I digress. Okay so i make a small-ish salad using some green veggies, all raw, no salad dressing, no spices, just the veggies in a bowl and multiple cups of herbal fasting tea. A safe meal for myself. Wellllll that went to shit because I realized that I didn't finish doing a lab and it was due in hours!! and then I just felt bad about myself for other reasons because I just feel like I'm wasting my time by eating idk and just a million other reasons.

So I eat my makeshift wannasalad and a bit of time passes. I decide to wash my hair and stop being such a bum and when I do, and go to get undressed, I weigh myself, look at myself in the mirror and I literally lose my shit. I can just see the salad on my body. Like the dimples on the back of my thighs that weren't there before, my hip bones and ribs weren't protruding as much, and I swear I got so bloated when I usually don't get bloated. It was fucking awful. So what did I do? I purged. Easy purge, nothing to complain about there. The problem is that I flush. And I don't just flush once or twice. I flush until I feel I'm going to die. My spit needs to taste like pure bile. My teeth need to be sore. My knuckles need to bleed. I just need to know that I got everything up. Anyway I mostly did this over the porcelain goddess but I did flush once more for the final time while I was showering and I could have fucking sworn there were no pieces of lettuce. Apparently there were.

I know this because my boyfriend tells me that he found bits in the shower drain. He looked so goddamn concerned when he was telling me this. He was staring at me so intently and I swear I was going to fucking break. I've never felt so damn vulnerable and so fucking afraid and the crazy thing is I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say "yeah babe, I did, I'm under so much fucking pressure right now and I'm really sick. I'm not doing well". But I couldn't, I had to say no, and deflect and all sorts of other shit. He knows. He completely knows. I mean he's always known but not to the extent but now, there's no more hiding. He knows too much about it now and I feel like I'm under a radar even moreso now and I just need to flee. Why am I like this? Why am I such a fucking idiot?? I feel so fucking bad for him. For having to put up with me.

This is exactly fucking why I don't eat. Because every single time I do, something goes wrong. I'm taking this as a sign. I'm done. I can't keep fucking doing this. I can't lie to my boyfriend about this shit, especially when we've been having our issues as is. I am so goddamn embarrassed. I am disgusted with myself. I feel so guilty and bad. I am a mess. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate this. I fucking hate living like this and I can't take it anymore. I'm getting to my breaking point again. I'm done eating. Whatever I can give to his dog/he'll eat, I am. The rest I'm tossing. Fuck this. Fuck eating and not being able to be normal and fucking keep food down without being a sick asshole. Fuck my foggy ass brain for not being able to be mindful of "evidence" after.

Just ugh. The embarrassment and guilt are overwhelming me and it's taking everything in me to not drive a goddamn knife through my fucking carotid.

TLDR 🔪 I am a fucking idiot. I fucking hate this eating disorder and I just want to drink my weight in vodka and die

[Rant/Rave] Turning into a bulimic?
/u/carlisam9797 [5'2" 19F | CW 119 | SW 130 | GW 105 | UGW 99]
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r5yc7/turning_into_a_bulimic/
I started off just restricting. Having restricted successfully in the past, I know exactly what needs to be done to lose weight, and so any time I eat what I used to see as "normal" I have this insane, excruciating feeling of self hate because I know I'm gaining. Still, my addiction to food is so strong that i'm having a harder and harder time maintaining calorie restriction, so I've started just throwing up dinner more and more often. I hate this. I hate myself. Anyone with experience who can tell me whether that's even effective? I'm miserable at the thought that many bulimics stay overweight. I hate the thought that I'd be better off just living my life like normal people if I may still be gaining but I physically CAN'T just eat and think like a normal person so at the VERY LEAST I want to be losing.

[Rant/Rave] College meal plans
/u/PandorasMusicalBox [5'4" | CW: 129ish | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 18:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r5y35/college_meal_plans/
AKA why my parents are literally wasting money on me. I'm a college freshman but I refuse to eat at the dining hall, instead going out and buying groceries to make food for myself (or just buying quest protein bars and diet coke). I just *can't* eat at the dining hall. Between the unavailable nutritional information, paranoia about people not being *exact* in measuring ingrediants, and the whole scary thing that is eating in front of other people.

I have a meeting tomorrow with my college's disability services and one part of the meeting is going to be about my meal plan. Especially because my college is weird and there is a two year residency requirement for living on campus, and therefore I will have to waste another $1K for next year simply on not eating at the dining hall. Am I crazy in wanting this? Or better yet, am I crazy for having a tiny bit of hope that they might do it? I do understand that meal plans are a big cash grab, but it just fucking sucks that I'm costing my parents this much without even using some of the things they're paying for.

[Discussion] ED foods on a budget
/u/321Model [5'4| GW: 150 | 30's/F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 17:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r5wf8/ed_foods_on_a_budget/
I thought I'd start a thread for folks who may be interested in tips for saving money on groceries. Please feel free to share your tips so we could all learn from each other. :)

1. Make a list with the total budget for the week/month - My partner & I keep a running list on the fridge. It contains the budget written at the top and below is our must haves or what we're craving. It reminds us of the budget and helps us determine what we really need and what we can cross off the list. Before I go shopping (because I love it so much) we review it and decide what to get. We can each get a snack or combine it to share (this month we both wanted gummies so I got 3 pounds from the bulk section).

2. Buy in bulk - I buy my rice and beans in 20-25 pound bags. The bags last us 3-4 months. Aside from being cheaper per pound, it save on trips to the store. As far as spices, flour, rolled oats, nutritional yeast and certain candies like gummies I buy those in the bulk section. The bulk section rules! Compared to pre-packaged items, they are a lot cheaper because you're not paying for the name brand. Also, with spices you can just get what you want especially if you only need a little bit rather than investing in an expensive spice.

3. Buy fruit produce seasonally or frozen - Fruit and produce that's in season is usually cheaper. However, I always check the frozen section to compare prices. You'd be surprised by the difference in price in some cases. If you get fresh, you can always freeze it so it doesn't go to waste.

4. Use your phone at the store - When comparing prices I have my calculator at the ready. I snap picture of the prices or write them down so I can compare them if they're in a different aisle. I'm too old to remember all the prices in my head. lol.

5. Cook at home - I know it goes without saying that dining in is cheaper than eating out, but I think it's a good reminder. As well, I have found that cooking is an important skill to have, especially to maintain my independence. I know I can care for myself and I take pride in my resourcefulness in finding or creating recipes.

6. Dollar Stores - You can discover some awesome finds at the Dollar store. Everything from candy, cookies to frozen foods. However, just because it's $1 doesn't mean it's cheap. Compare the price per pound. Dry beans or canned beans could be $0.88 at the supermarket, which is cheaper than the Dollar store so shop wisely.

7. Review your receipt - I review mine when I get home as a reminder of what things cost. It helps keep those numbers in my head when I go to places like the Dollar store.

I work in the food industry so I'm hyper aware of pricing and the power of a penny. If you've noticed food prices rising in the last 2-3 months you're not crazy. Since the passage of FSMA (the Food Safety Modernization Act) food manufacturers and distributors have had to ratchet up their safety measures and be in compliance by 2020, so the cost has been passed on to the customer.

[Other] Any other pet owners notice changes in their furbabies in recovery vs relapse?
Created: Wed Jan 17 16:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r5gfo/any_other_pet_owners_notice_changes_in_their/
I relapsed about two-ish weeks ago now, and now my cat (who also gets anxious when I do, has panic attacks from the same things that give me panic attacks, etc - and is also about as overweight as I am in the % we need to lose) is puking randomly and won't hold food down. I never let him (or anyone, lmao) see me puke, his food and lifestyle haven't changed, one of his biggest triggers is the house being messy and I've kept it tidy thanks to ECA stack energy. I work out outside the home and do my best not to pace in the house (which also makes him anxious.) I ate a "normal" amount yesterday and he kept food down, then I had a lovely breakfast b/p this morning, went for a run about 2 hour ago and when I came back from the gym there's 3 puddles of puke on my carpet. He has no access to my medications or human food. I'm getting scared for my lil' buddy.

[Discussion] Where do you notice weight loss/gain?
Created: Wed Jan 17 16:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r55mr/where_do_you_notice_weight_lossgain/
I've been doing really well lately - I've finally found a comfortable level of high-ish restriction and I've been working out pretty consistently. I've lost less than ten pounds so far this month but I already notice a big difference in my face and around my collarbone area! The upside to having broad shoulders is that it really doesn't take much to make my collarbones stand out. It seems like those are usually the first places I see any kind of progress (the downside is when I gain my face plumps up like nobody's business lmao) but my stomach always seems absurdly chunky no matter what weight I am. Same with my legs.

Where do you notice weight loss/gain the most? I'm interested in seeing how it varies from person to person.

[Discussion] Anyone else looking for a sense of control rather than losing weight?
/u/skyofAuroras [5'10"| CW: 125| GW: 115|19F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 15:52:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r52qa/anyone_else_looking_for_a_sense_of_control_rather/
I've realized a while ago that the only reason I try to restrict my eating is because I want to have a sense of control. Sure I do have some body issues and I feel fat at times, but it's not too bad. With so much in my life that's going wrong, constantly feeling lost and powerless, of course I'd look for something to control. It's not just the control, I also feel accomplished in a way whenever I lose weight. My new semester of school has started and with my schedule it's so easy to not eat anything without anyone noticing. I plan to fast all day tomorrow. It's a fucked up coping mechanism that works well for me, losing weight is just an added benefit.

"You don't have an elegant body"
/u/afraidofjudgement [4'9 | 103 | 21.5 | -57 | F |]
Created: Wed Jan 17 15:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4vtv/you_dont_have_an_elegant_body/
My husband and I were looking at cosplayers and I mention I'd like to go to a comic con one day and maybe cosplay myself.

Husband: Who would you go as? Zelda?
(He knows I love LOZ)
Me: No, I think I'm too shor...
Husband: Yeah, you aren't tall and you don't have an elegant body.
(Immediately knew he said something wrong)
Husband: I didn't mean it like that.
Me: It's okay, you already said it. You meant it. Don't dig a deeper hole.

And now I hate myself even more. I half ass had the mind to fast for the next week after my three day binge, but, now I'm sure that I will. I like the feeling anyway.

All of my life I wanted to be taller, slimmer, with long blonde hair. The epitome of feminine... to me.  But, instead I'm short, frumpy looking, with a brown pixie cut (I cut it short to punish myself, but, people really think it is because I like it.)  I can't stop looking in the mirror just hoping I'd disappear.  I'll never be beautiful or gorgeous.  I hate myself.

Noticed on this Mukbang that she never actually swallows any of the food. My disordered mind immediately suspects c+s
Created: Wed Jan 17 15:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4uei/noticed_on_this_mukbang_that_she_never_actually/

[Discussion] DAE change their mind constantly?
Created: Wed Jan 17 15:15:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4sym/dae_change_their_mind_constantly/

[Rant/Rave] Cant go to treatment I'll just keep bingeing until I give myself diabetes and heart disease and die fucking fat
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 29F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 15:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4q7h/cant_go_to_treatment_ill_just_keep_bingeing_until/
The IOP program I was looking into (and spent 2 hours on the phone with someone) doesn't fit my work schedule so I can't go. You would think they would have gone over that part with me before taking a 2.5 hour history instead of just glossing over it saying "ya you can do this program while working full time." Well I don't know what kinda of dream fucking work schedule ppl in this program have but I work like a regular fucking adult.

I'm so fucking HUGE and I can't stop eating. The only program I have left tells me I can expect a miracle from god to help me which is such bullshit.

I'm committing here that I WILL skip either lunch or dinner everyday for the next week to jumpstart my diet. I just can't even recognize myself anymore with how hugely fat I am now.

[Discussion] Would you rather see yourself as worse than you actually are forever, or see yourself as better than you are forever?
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'7 | CW:115 | 17.9 | GW: 108| HW: 136|F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 14:56:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4nzr/would_you_rather_see_yourself_as_worse_than_you/
I feel like the answer to this question reveals a lot about a persons mentality. I'm curious what the majority of people on this sub would prefer. I have a guess, but I want to see.

Additional discussion question: do you think one of these options is necessarily healthier or better? Or do you think they're about equal in terms of pros and cons to them.

[Help] Don’t know when to stop fasting
Created: Wed Jan 17 14:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4m59/dont_know_when_to_stop_fasting/

[Discussion] When did you guys start heavily plateauing?
/u/e_liz [5'7 | 152 | 23.81 | -83 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 14:40:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4jl8/when_did_you_guys_start_heavily_plateauing/
So I've noticed that the more weight I've lost, the more often I've began experiencing plateaus. I know that it's not logical to expect to lose 5 pounds a week anymore, but I also don't feel like my weight is that low to be experiencing back to back plateaus when I am very consistent with my eating habits. I just broke one plateau around Christmas and it took me 3 weeks after that just to lose one pound..?? Idk it just doesn't make sense to me. At what weights or BMI's did you guys begin having to deal with long plateaus? I just barely got into BMI 23's and I just don't feel like my weight loss should be hindered this much at this weight. Did anyone else go through this?

[Discussion] You all that have constant ethnic food at home, how do you deal with it?
/u/Rickticia [5'2| 130.4 lbs |24.71|-19.6|GW2:125|20F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 14:33:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r4hlo/you_all_that_have_constant_ethnic_food_at_home/
It was a struggle for me to eat healthily at home for awhile, mostly because my grandmother cooks such unhealthy Latino food.

She’s frying pastelitos as we speak (they’re like dumplings or Mexican empanadas), and she made pancakes earlier. She’ll make enchiladas and pupusas all the time, even when I tell her she shouldn’t make so much greasy and fried foods. When she makes vegetables, her favorite method of cooking them is adding melted cheese, which defeats the purpose of eating vegetables.

I constantly have to decline the food she makes or eat around the food—i.e. pick out the pollo guisado (chicken dish) and leave behind the sauce and vegetables. If I were to decline all the foods, it would be seen as very rude.

How do you all deal with this?

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I think I have abs... (Rambling)
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5" | CW 😱 | -27.6lbs]
Created: Wed Jan 17 13:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r46cs/rave_i_think_i_have_abs_rambling/
My weight has been steadily declining and I'm pleased with it. I'm also the textbook definition of a pear shape, so everything above my bellybutton is slimming down nicely -- and wouldn't you know it I have some abs showing through!

Funniest thing to me is I know I have good core strength and it's only because I'm obsessive about my posture (to minimize how gross my gut is) and constantly suck my stomace in (to minimize how gross my gut is, lol). I've been doing that since I can remember. Tensed is the default for my core muscles. I have to think about it to relax them. 🤣

This is kinda rambling, sorry. My head is all over the place and I haven't eaten anything but an apple in three days.🙃

You all are the only ones who will understand. 💜 I love you all.

[Rant/Rave] Binged last night.
Created: Wed Jan 17 13:40:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r43cl/binged_last_night/
I was saying like a week ago how I was doing so well at restricting and didn't have the urge to binge.. yeah that ended. I even had my food planned and pre-logged for the day. Then hung out with an old friend and smoked.. turned into a high zombie and the rest was history. Ended up logging the food after the fact and turns out ate around 3000 calories. And gained 2 pounds. I was just at my first goal weight yesterday morning and already fucked it up. Now I need to over correct it and fast forever. 😑 I suck

130 doesn't look or feel like I imagined
Created: Wed Jan 17 13:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r3y4o/130_doesnt_look_or_feel_like_i_imagined/

[Other] Obsessing Over Other People's Weight
Created: Wed Jan 17 11:44:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r36mk/obsessing_over_other_peoples_weight/
Flare rant please.

I can always tell that my condition is taking a turn for the worse when I start obsessing over other people's weight constantly.

I laughed at my friend's joke and grabbed her arm and it just felt SO THIN to me. This was four days ago and I'm still thinking about it.

My other friend made an offhand comment three days ago about how if she stood behind a lamp post, people wouldn't realize she was there. Because she's so thin. Still thinking about this as well, every day.

I look at others and immediately judge whether they are thinner or fatter than me. Fatter? Feel kind of better I guess, although not really. Thinner than me? I immediately panic about how much of a whale I am.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I guess I'm just venting.

I hate myself.

[Tip] PSA! 15g protein, 60 cals.
/u/IndigoSeasons [5'9" | CW 138 | CGW 118 | BMI 20 | Female]
Created: Wed Jan 17 11:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r34g9/psa_15g_protein_60_cals/

[Rant/Rave] "You're a big girl, come on." [warning: long self-pitying rant]
/u/Size666 [5'8F | CW: Walrus | -43lbs | UGW: 113]
Created: Wed Jan 17 11:33:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r33qt/youre_a_big_girl_come_on_warning_long_selfpitying/
**TL;DR: Judge that issued a warrant for my arrest admonishes my irresponsible actions by calling me a "big girl" and though it was meant to mean "adult", the words ended up being the final straw in a series of defeats that caused me to have a mental breakdown about my weight.**

So, fun little story - I found out there was a court date I missed, which meant a warrant was now out for my arrest over a ticket I forgot to pay last week. This all happened yesterday, on the first day of my fast, hours after I find out a family member who was dying (part of the reason I fucked up and got the ticket) just passed away that morning, and while I'm trying to help with my sister's legal issues, deal with some projects at work that are under tight deadlines and also, add insult to injury, the morning after the guy I was sort of talking to casually mentions that he's dating someone. (Side note here: this little detail probably wouldn't have hurt me so much if we weren't JUST making plans to hang out the next time he was here. I think I also saw a pic of the girl he's talking about and she's thin and tall and gorgeous, so fuck me.).

So yeah, kind of just eating shit left and right here in 2018. I tried to postpone the work projects for a few hours without saying that it's because I have to drop everything and head to court to straighten this out, lest I get a criminal record, risk losing my license and with it, my job. Of course, the stress of fucking up royally at work by blowing off the projects, the awareness of mortality facing the family member's slow painful death, the pressure of being relied on by people for legal advice in a field I don't practice, the rejection of someone I was very happily falling for and seeing that my replacement is 100x better than me, the hunger from the first day of the fast... and now this nonsense of potentially losing my license to practice law...also means I'm excruciatingly aware of my heinous body and how none of this would be happening if I just had some control over my life, starting with my binge eating. It always comes back to my body.

So the sitting judge agrees to put me on the calendar for that evening. This judge, by the way, is just sick of *everyone's* shit, and he's not trying to hear any excuses. He's jocular and he's giving everyone the business. It's funny but also, I knew I also had to face it. So I get up there...

Me: *walks to the defendant mic* Good evening, your honor.

Him: Size666, you stand before me for failure to pay $XX for violating xyz ordinance. How do you plead?

Me: Guilty, your honor.

Him: I issued a warrant for your arrest this morning.

Me: Yes you did, your honor.

Him: Ok. Well, I guess you aren't in cuffs, so... What did you do to cause this ordinance violation?

Me: Your honor, in my distraction, I failed to follow the ordinance and I do not contest the charge.

Him, looking me up and down: Size666, you're an adult.

Me: Yes sir, I am.

Him: I mean, you're a big girl, come on--

Me: That I am, your honor.

Him: So you're telling me you got distracted and you got sloppy... unacceptable.

Me: Yes, your honor.

Him: Your guilty plea is accepted. Pay the fine of $XX with the court clerk. I will remove the warrant for your arrest. Get it together.

Me: Yes, your honor. Thank you, your honor. *walks off*

This is dumb. I know he meant 'big girl' as in *'you're too fucking old for this type of shit'* - and he's right - but all I could hear is 'big girl' over and over and over ringing in my ears and thinking about being rejected and about how hungry I was and how tired I am of dealing with all of it.

I got home and turned my phone back on, saw an email from my annoyed boss basically saying "dude, I stayed late to do your job for you, you're welcome" and half a dozen texts from my sister and my mom about death and fear of unknown legal consequences and just. I just collapsed into a puddle of self-loathing on the kitchen floor. I haven't gone to sleep yet, I spent the night crying about how much 2018 is beating me down so far, and just everything, but most of all my weight. I'm so tired. I'm just. So. Tired. I want this to be over. I don't want to keep fighting myself anymore.

Anyway that was longer than I meant. If you sat through it, thanks for reading and for letting me vent. I guess silver lining is that I didn't break the fast. All I have to do is not eat for the rest of my life and I might actually start to look human.

[Discussion] Does anyone google celebrity weight/height?
/u/orangepekoes [BMI 20]
Created: Wed Jan 17 11:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r33i4/does_anyone_google_celebrity_weightheight/
I've always been obsessed with googling celebrities heights and weights, but sometimes it frustrates me how wrong I think they are. For example, Emily Browning is about the same height as me yet websites say shes 112 lbs. She appears much smaller than me in photos so how could she be heavier than me? Maybe I'm wrong, but I think shes tiny.

[Help] Please help with this plateau oh my god
Created: Wed Jan 17 11:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r31oi/please_help_with_this_plateau_oh_my_god/
I'm going crazy, I've been stuck between 109 and 110 for like two fucking weeks. Been restricting but it will not fucking budge. I've read that eating at maintenance for a day can help with platues and I'll do it if I have to but I really don't want to eat so much. Should I fast? Is my scale broken? I'm going nuts if anyone can help me pleeeeaaase I need to start losing again.

Created: Wed Jan 17 10:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r2qe9/reddit_has_chat_groups_now/
Comment if you want to be in a chat group! Just for support and venting and advice! I’ll add you!

[Discussion] I Anonymous/ missed connections ED edition.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Wed Jan 17 09:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r2970/i_anonymous_missed_connections_ed_edition/
In mobile flair as discussion.

One of the small local papers in my city does a piece for missed connections from people who have seen each other but never talked

Brief Brief cription of setting, yourself and the stranger. This could be fun.

For the sake of not breaking rules I am not encouraging "ED buddies" or giving out personal contact info or harassing people.

Hope this isn't breaking rules.

The place: trendy queer neighboorhood corridor to downtown. Me: teal corduroy hat, denim on denim and white converse, painted denim jacket reading "waste of paint"

You: tall, slender in a black silhouette with skinny ripped black jeans and a leather jacket that elegantly dwarfed your torso, healed boots and pale completion, thighs as big as my arms but longer, smoking a cigarette with a tired glare.

We made eye contact and looked each other over as I walked downtown.

[Rant/Rave] Good news!
Created: Wed Jan 17 09:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r26vr/good_news/
So my doctor and therapist etc etc (I see a whole eating disorder team idk) told me that I can be ANY weight with a bmi at or above 18.5 as long as I don't lose! They agree that the gaining mindset can be just as scary as losing, so they're not forcing anything on me.

I've also started being able to reshift my perspective of eating from something that I felt made me ugly to something that makes me pretty and soft. Because I've seen the result of my ED behaviors, and *those* are ugly. Cracked teeth, bad breath, brittle hair and nails, extreme anxiety. But when I eat, those don't happen, and my skin is soft and my face flushes normal colors rather than... purple and green lol.

I'm still eating small amounts and drinking black coffee. But food is becoming kinder. It's becoming the one anxiety medication that I can rely on to work. It's something I can look forward to, and that I have the choice to say yes or no to. With this perspective, eating has given me more control than restricting because with my ED, I *didn't* have a choice of eating. Now I do. And keeping that in mind, I don't always have to accept food even if it's "time" to eat. Choices. Options. Control.

Recovery is hard shit, but compromise, and progress, and comfort... can happen. Slowly. With setbacks. Be ready for it. But it's possible.

[Discussion] How to deal with lanugo?
Created: Wed Jan 17 09:32:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r26id/how_to_deal_with_lanugo/
(first time posting in this sub)
I've been kinda "underweight"(bmi ranging from 15 to 17.5) for about a year and a half now. And my body developed this dumb amount of excess hair all over in autumn of 2016. I seriously can't be bothered with shaving it anymore. Any advice on how to get rid of it somehow? (I'm super self-conscious about it and every time my boyfriend touches my back or stomach I immediately think he's rubbing my fuzz. It's so frustrating)

[Goal] Officially hit 140 yesterday morning!
/u/counting-the-seconds [5'8" | 144lbs | 21.9 | -28 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 09:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r2498/officially_hit_140_yesterday_morning/
Which was my first official goal weight. That makes about 35 lbs that I've lost since October. Only 15 lbs until my second goal weight!!!

[Rant/Rave] ED in full swing over anonymous messages
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 119lb | gw 110lb | bmi 21]
Created: Wed Jan 17 08:24:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r1obp/ed_in_full_swing_over_anonymous_messages/
My fiancé received [this anonymous message](https://imgur.com/a/LUCKQ) yesterday and it’s fucking killing me.

He showed me as soon as he received it and just shook his head saying “why would anyone try to break us up like that?” and then laughed it off saying it was just some psycho girl.

It’s true though. He’s extremely fit, funny, and charming. I’m a blob. A literal blob. So whoever sent it obviously knows him and thinks that’s true as well.

It could be a multitude of people. There are two girls in a group we meet up with occasionally who completely ignore me but are always trying to hug him, trying to get him to ride in their car, and always tell him he had such a nice body. There’s also his ex, who’s sent him and me anonymous messages before. There’s also a girl from his old job who told ME that she thought she and him would have been perfect together.

I’m in full fucking restriction mode to try to even get a fraction as good looking as he is now, so people stop seeing us as beauty and the fucking beast

[Discussion] Add me on mfp!
/u/robotwithadream [5'7" | CW: 129.4 | GW: 110 | 20.20 | F |]
Created: Wed Jan 17 08:01:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r1irh/add_me_on_mfp/

please i just want friends and accountability i've been binging for a week. so thankful for u guys and the sub though

[Discussion] BDD leading me to wanting outside validation re: looks
/u/build-the-house [5'6" | 140 | -40 ]
Created: Wed Jan 17 07:57:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r1hse/bdd_leading_me_to_wanting_outside_validation_re/
my husband has never changed the words he uses to describe me during any of my weights (range of 107-180 lbs). i'm not sure how i look but i know that my weight is somewhere in the middle (i only get weighed at doctors office bc he threw away my scale).

i really want to like post to gonewild or something but am so scared someone will call me curvy.

anyone relate?

Text me at (646) 543-9829 Mephedrone (4-MMC) Methylone (bk-MDMA) Bulytone (bk-MBDB) MDAI MDPV Ketamine hcl crystal powder MDPV
Created: Wed Jan 17 07:08:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r16dp/text_me_at_646_5439829_mephedrone_4mmc_methylone/

[Discussion] January 17th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 05:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0r2m/january_17th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What is the oldest thing you’re wearing today?

My skin lmaooo except I think the entirety of the skin cells turn over within like a month or something 😐

[Rant/Rave] So my boyfriend of two years proposed
/u/Ednosandptsd [166cm | CW: 48.5 | BMI: 17.6 | GW: 44kg | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 05:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0n1v/so_my_boyfriend_of_two_years_proposed/
First post here, and with a throwaway -- my fiance knows my username for my main account.
A month after I relapsed, and now I can't shake the idea that I have to stay under the weight that I was when he proposed to me (or I will label myself as someone that 'let themselves go').
The worst part is that he has recovered from an eating disorder too, so he knows exactly what is going on... And he seems far more attracted to me now than he was 5kg ago -- although he'd never admit it. He insists that he thinks I'm beautiful at any weight ...
Does anyone else here always think their S.O. just says things to make you feel better, or is it just me?

[Rant/Rave] So my partner of two years proposed
Created: Wed Jan 17 05:19:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0lf8/so_my_partner_of_two_years_proposed/

[Help] How can I be eating at a deficit but not losing weight?
Created: Wed Jan 17 05:17:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0l48/how_can_i_be_eating_at_a_deficit_but_not_losing/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 17, 2018
Created: Wed Jan 17 05:12:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0kbj/daily_food_diary_january_17_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 17, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 17, 2018
Created: Wed Jan 17 05:11:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0k16/way_to_go_wednesday_january_17_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for January 17, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Help] Is anyone getting skinny fat? How do I fix this??
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 04:08:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7r0a4l/is_anyone_getting_skinny_fat_how_do_i_fix_this/
My arms are getting thinner and my ribs are poking out...but my stomach makes me look like I'm 3 months pregnant. My thighs, while revealing a small gap, are still thunderous.

Please. Send. Help.

[Rant/Rave] I wish there was a “net” you could swallow, so chewed up food would go into it and you could pull it back out
Created: Wed Jan 17 01:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qzpeq/i_wish_there_was_a_net_you_could_swallow_so/
Silly thought. I’m afraid to purge and chew/spit isn’t as satisfying as swallowing food

[Other] What have I done ☹️
/u/avocadorable [5'3.5" | 100 | 17.85 | -40 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 01:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qzlmv/what_have_i_done/

[Rant/Rave] General purging issues
Created: Wed Jan 17 00:45:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qzgq5/general_purging_issues/
So I'm 20 years old and up until the past, like, five months (?) haven't purged since I was 15. I totally forgot how much that shit sucks, wow.

My teeth suck, my throat is constantly sore and scratchy, my speaking voice is raspy and my singing voice is totally shot. And my nails suck because of the stomach acid. Aaaand my sinuses are bad. And a million other things.

I was gonna make this a discussion and ask for advice but the only actual thing I should do is to stop throwing up, haha. So now I just want to whine in front of an audience.

Commiserate with me!

[Help] Just trying to not binge
/u/DangerTaterz [5'4 | CW 207.6 | GW ~130 | 35.6 | Not Enough | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 00:33:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qzf17/just_trying_to_not_binge/
I think today is the second day with only one meal, the two days before I think I just had the one meal each plus cookie dough. I can't remember past that. Seeing as I usually fall solidly on the BED side of things, this is much less than I usually have in a day. Shit, add a few of the past few days and that's a normal day for me.

This is all to say that I am really feeling that today. I don't deal with the feeling of low blood sugar well, and usually just end up bingeing to make the feeling go away.

Does anyone have a go to thing to take the edge off with out eating the whole kitchen? I'm almost afraid to eat because I don't know if I'd be able to stop once I start.

I hate being like this. I wish I wasn't broken and I could just be happy, healthy, and skinny.

[Help] Being forced into recovery, because bmi too low. Wtf?
/u/I_donut_carrot_all [5'6| 85 | 13.71 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 17 00:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qzdyh/being_forced_into_recovery_because_bmi_too_low_wtf/

Okay I need honesty. I wish I had friends I could ask but the friends I do have first off would probably slowly back away from me as I discussed this topic... Then instead of being honest they'd just smile nod and give a generic pro recovery /support answer.

I need friends with eating disorder perspectives. So fucked, but it's my reality. I trust no one unless they are disordered, because we tend not to sugar coat things (lol no pun intended)

So this weekend I was basically forced into pseudo recovery. Passed out at work, ended up in the hospital for a few days. My gp ended up coming to see me during their shift because there was something in my chart that concerned him about my Ed. Whatever.
Long story they put me on all types of things and something called nptnp, idk. But when hooking it up the nurse said hopefully this puts some meat on your bones ugh!
If I lose anymore weight I get another NG .
This is where I need friends. What weight do you think I look like here (underwear pics) https://i.imgur.com/0Zu8FRI.jpg vs https://i.imgur.com/UoWjwHg.jpg
I haven't had a scale in awhile and I'm freaking out. This is after a few days of being in the hospital and I'm so embarrassed. How much do you think I gained?

I don't want fucking asspats lol.
I just don't feel anywhere skinny enough for recovery and know if I'm forced into it, it will equal disaster.
I just need friends who understand what I'm saying I guess. Sorry for the word vomit.

[Rant/Rave] Feeling really really awful because I binged...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Tue Jan 16 23:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qz8bk/feeling_really_really_awful_because_i_binged/
On mobile flair as rant rave thanks mods.

So I don't think it was a binge, then again I feel like with EDs the term binge can be subjective but it was more than I've eaten in the last few days and I feel like I should have said no to myself.

I also had like 4 pickles which is a lot of sodium so I am probably going to retain water like crazy. I bought pickles cause they feel sort of safe but I forgot how much sodium is in them.

I will not continue this binge. I will stop right here and just accept it and remeber tomorrow is a new day. I walked 30k steps but my phone says I haven't burned very many calories not that I count them towards what I can eat because they don't feel "real" to me..

I used to have an app I used to track my steps and my base metabolic rate but I can't find it or remember the name it showed a person walking throughout the day.

I am going to try and sleep and not purge even though I really really want to..

Thank you wonderful internet friends and acquaintances. I'm sorry for being so active the last few days.


[Rant/Rave] I’m so just. Depressed.
Created: Tue Jan 16 23:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qz5i1/im_so_just_depressed/
So things had been going good. For a few years. But some stuff this fall seemed to trigger everything back. Some really personal stuff happened and I felt alone. Not due to ED but I was put in the hospital a few times. And I was shocked that none of my super close friends checked on me. My life long best friend did. But that was all.

A diagnosis I got a couple years ago this February has really taken a toll on my life during 2017.

I was planning to go back to school but that got shot to hell due to student loans.

I lost (she didn’t die just not as close anymore and the reason we’re not close is what triggered me) someone I thought was one of my best friends. I just stumbled upon a blog she had. And in the time we were supposed to be best friends. I was referred to as “female friend”. Nothing else. Or as someone. I recognized the stories and knew it was about me.

I’ve recently gained a bit of weight and it’s made my other diagnosis (physically) rage all to hell.

I just feel like nothing is in my control anymore. I can’t do anything. Anything I set my mind to, I fail at.
I think that fuels the ED part of me. I WONT fail. I WILL lose weight. And everyone who doubted me can kiss my fucking ass.

[Rant/Rave] Do you need someone to talk to?
/u/reptarcum [24F | 5'4" | cw-137 | gw-130 | ugw-120]
Created: Tue Jan 16 23:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qz2en/do_you_need_someone_to_talk_to/
A guy several years younger than me who went to school with my cousin committed suicide today. I am desperate to express how available I am to anyone who needs someone to talk to. I am overwhelmingly willing to share my phone number with anyone who needs it for.. absolutely anything. Venting, questions, anything.
I have had an ED for 12 years, suicidal for many of those.
Never had anyone to talk to.
Please pm me if you find yourself alone. Call, text, anything. Anything is better than killing yourself.

[Rant/Rave] It’s 6am and I just purged at work :)
/u/paraphrasis [174cm | BMI 22 | -6kg| 25F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 22:59:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qyzi7/its_6am_and_i_just_purged_at_work/
Morning rant time!

It’s 6am, and I just threw up at work. I’m always here early so not a lot of people are here yet. I had the exact same amount of calories as my normal breakfast, it was just yoghurt instead of oatmeal. It even had better macros for gods sake. But I couldn’t handle it. I can’t remember the last time I threw up in public, this is so stupid, “Look at me I’m so high functioning, my eating disorder doesnt affect me blah blah”.

What a great day so far, where I only have to be at work for 6 hours and then school for like 9 hours after 3 hours of sleep. Yay for being nauseaus all day now as well.

Hope you’ll all have a better start to the day than me :) :)

I feel so sick and nauseated when I eat a whole meal.
Created: Tue Jan 16 22:38:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qyvro/i_feel_so_sick_and_nauseated_when_i_eat_a_whole/

[Other] Didn’t expect this during recovery...
/u/dbt-girl [5'2" | 114]
Created: Tue Jan 16 21:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qyn9q/didnt_expect_this_during_recovery/
Today I ate normally?

The problem is I feel satiated, yet not too full. Neither binge-heavy, nor starving, nor panicked or purgey?

I feel normal? And that’s scary. I don’t know how to handle normal.

So I drank. I drank because I felt normal. And normal is too foreign to handle.


[Help] I'm trying to better understand eating disorders (specially bulimia) can you guys share your thoughts and experiences? what is is really like?
Created: Tue Jan 16 21:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qye8y/im_trying_to_better_understand_eating_disorders/

[Rant/Rave] Haven't posted in decades lo
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 98 | 16.5| GW 94 | F 23]
Created: Tue Jan 16 21:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qycvz/havent_posted_in_decades_lo/
1. I am drunk as hell and havent been on here in forever:
So I've been avoiding this sub on pure superstition that every time i get active i somehow end up binging? I dont know. Ive love the support, even years ago. I'll try to continue but damn. I think c&s might be my new purging. I mean shit id rather not shove my fingers down my throat and have a sore throat but dang aren't I reduced to this. Don't know. Maybe it's better? I'm glad I got to taste my delicious bread I made but I feel so wigged out when I spit! Not obvious, but I feel like people know even when I hide it. But it's harder to hide puking so it's like a toss up? I am scared c&s will trigger weight gain and I can't. I just now let myself have free Sundays so. I don't know. Thanks for reading my vent lovelies. Stay beautiful as all of you are 😙😙

[Rant/Rave] I give up.
Created: Tue Jan 16 21:01:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qyc9j/i_give_up/

[Other] Snarf
Created: Tue Jan 16 20:44:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qy8xd/snarf/
It is my sacred duty to introduce you to the word “snarf”.

The sound you make when you greedily eat lotsa food.

The synonym for binge that makes you smile at how ridiculous it sounds.


[Help] IOP for BED, overeating, a touch of bulimia, a touch of purging disorder, and a touch of restriction
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 29F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 20:16:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qy2zj/iop_for_bed_overeating_a_touch_of_bulimia_a_touch/
I called a treatment center. I cant say that my reasons are purely recovery oriented because I also want to desperately lose weight (I'm obese). I'm going to be 30 soon and I've felt fat (even when I wasnt) since 1st grade. I've have my first major depressive episode when I was 12. I'm doing much better with my depression but I know it's only a matter of time. Someday I want to be married (which I have to lose weight to date) and have kids. I know I cant get pregnant on effexor, abilify, and adderall. I would someday like to be med free. I probably could stand to quit drinking too, even though I dont consider myself an alcoholic.

I dont know though if this is right for me. I dont know if I'm bad enough to go through that much treatment and if my reasons are just attention seeking. (I wasnt planning on telling my parents though who I have a good relationship with--they dont know I purge). I dont want to go just to discover everyone is waaay worse off than me and then I'll realize I should have just gone back to weight watchers instead.

I've been doing OA since September and experienced no relief. I think I need more but I also think that I'm only thinking I need more and that I really have an extensive ED because I've been going to OA and now I'm consumed with the idea I have an eating disorder when in fact I've only gotten worse since I started to "prove" I belong there.

[Help] Is it actually possible to recover from an eating disorder?
Created: Tue Jan 16 20:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qy0br/is_it_actually_possible_to_recover_from_an_eating/
I recently found out that my friends has an ED, I was talking to her about it and she said most people with EDs never recover and they just deal with it for the rest of their lives.

After looking at this subreddit I'm getting very concerned that she might have been right since most posts are about dealing with the condition rather than getting rid of it. Is this going to be something that shadows over her for the rest of her life?

It really breaks my heart when I think about all the shit she has to go through daily, if some of you guys who are on the right track could share your stories it could be a great source of motivation.

[Other] I thought you all could relate
/u/randyguptill [5'7.5" | CW 128.4 | maintaining | 19.31 | complicated |]
Created: Tue Jan 16 19:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxry1/i_thought_you_all_could_relate/

[Rant/Rave] free vent session
/u/intensitei [5’8 | fat | 23F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 19:22:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxr0d/free_vent_session/
so there’s something bothering me that i wish i could say to a friend but can’t and i cannot get it off my mind

and if you have something you wish you could say to someone or just say in general then just let it all out in the comments

here goes mine

i wish i had never even mentioned that i have an ED to you. you’re a great friend but sometimes you act like a know-it-all and like you always know better than i do. you have no idea what kind of ED i have or what struggles i’ve had and yet you randomly decide to say weird “motivational” things out of nowhere. like after months of me not saying ANYTHING remotely about my ED you decide to say “yeah and maybe [thing we’re discussing] could be good for recovery too.” what???? how do you know if i’m not already deep into my recovery? more importantly, how do you know that won’t set me off/trigger me? what if i’m not ready for recovery and that pushes me further into ED behavior? and unlike how it is with my other friend (they never treat me differently and that’s probably because we’re both incredibly fucked up in our own ways lmao), i feel like no matter what i do, you’re always going to be eyeballing me. even though you have no idea what you’re looking for. people do that all the time. even the slightest mention of an ED, and suddenly they’re a character on a fucking lifetime movie trying to see if you pick at your food or dramatically rush to the bathroom after eating. bitch this is not a game i will eat this whole meal while we are hanging out but trust that i have already pre-calculated the calories, had nothing to eat before, and am planning on exercising when we part ways. stop acting like you know everything. i wish i could just be normal around you but you treat me like a child who has a bunch of mental health problems and has no idea how to deal with them. you treat me like i’m helpless. i make one little tweet about how the talk about sexual assault is getting to me and you immediately text me saying “hey get off twitter.” like ok lol thanks for the caring demand but damn. you really act like i’m some helpless sad mess that can’t do anything for themself.
and as far as all of my mental health struggles, i’ve been in this longer than you have held the job you have. don’t think you know something i don’t. u bitches can’t even spell struggle

[Help] I miss having hair, feeling really 😢
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Tue Jan 16 19:21:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxquk/i_miss_having_hair_feeling_really/
My hair has been falling out and snapping off in chunks. My hair was something that made me, me. It was my identity. I always had rich red and purple manic panic in it or pastels with honestly healthy bleached hair. It felt wonderful. Now I’m just lifeless. I bought an expensive set of clip in extensions and a bunch of headscarves,beEnies, and headbands. I can barely hide parts of the extensions.

I also have been having bloody BM, too much info I know....but only like every other week as well and only after a binge that fills my stomach.

I’m a mess and still fat and just hate myself.

Why can’t my period stop ( I never want to have kids anyway) and my hair stay 😢😔

[Other] Who were you before your ED?
Created: Tue Jan 16 19:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxoss/who_were_you_before_your_ed/
I once was a really fun and outgoing girl. People loved being my friend and I was ( I say this humbly) kind of the life of the party. Before H.S I lost 25lbs by eating only 125 calories a day and exercising twice a day-i was extremely dedicated and motivated too. I was still happy and outgoing but after H.S instagram became big and I realized just how fat I am. I'm told I'm extremely pretty often but it doesn't mean anything to me because I think I'd rather be skinny at this rate. Being pretty won't make me confident, being skinny will. I'm now severely self-conscious, quiet, hyper aware of every other thin person young, old, man, and woman and I've become awkward because I want to hide my body. I haven't progressed in years because I hate how I look. I shrunk into myself and can barely function as a person. I lost half of me and by that I mean my personality with my obsession to be thin. My insecurity kills me everyday and it's holding me back. Until my outer appearance is satisfactory I won't be able to move forward.

Anyway-who were you?

[Other] Other people make me feel awful and arbitrary numbers dictate my mood. My mind is fucked up..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Tue Jan 16 18:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxlia/other_people_make_me_feel_awful_and_arbitrary/
On mobile flair as rant/rave.

I have low restricting the last 5 days now. And averaged about 400 usually just below that and closer to 300. I usually split it up into two "meals" of 100 calories and one random snack that's under 100 calories. I think my body is starting to take it out on me.

I haven't had a bm since last Wdnesay or Thursday and I have eating really low but I just feel like I am in a daze. I feel like my body is kind of on auto pilot while I vaguely tell it what to do. I feel kind of sore right now but only because at work we had a deep clean day where the kitchen was closed for orders while we reorganized and cleaned all surfaces.

I don't factor in work calories burned because I don't trust any way to track them. I use my phone to track my steps but I turn it off or keep it charging while at work. Out side of work today I have walked 20k steps.

I still can't bring myself to go above 300 and my lunch of a salad came out to be higher than I wanted so I don't feel like I deserve anything else. Grocery stores have been provoking at lot of anxiety lately as well.

I see people going about their business buying things they enjoy while I methodically study the nutrition labels of everything I consider buying. I see other people around and their bodies both astound and confuse me.

Old folks with pot bellies and legs smaller than mine, taller people who are skinnier than me, people who just seem to carry themselves better and a lot of girls who are on the very small side. I know statistics would say most of the U.S. is obese or overweight but from being outside especially in the trendiest neighborhood a lot, and downtown I feel like my city must be an anomaly. Everyone seems either skinny or fit or both.

And here I am stressing about how I feel about my self and trying to earn dinner or a snack when I get home when I would honestly rather die. I just am not having a good day so I am trying to think of ways to relax that don't involve food, I am going to get some tea and walk around the mall and people watch them may be walk home and then maybe a small snack before I go to sleep..

I hope everyone else's day was alright.


[Goal] Taking advantage of my depression
/u/DangerTaterz [5'4 | CW 207.6 | GW ~130 | 35.6 | Not Enough | F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 18:41:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxhyf/taking_advantage_of_my_depression/
I'm currently at a point in my depression that I have almost no appetite or real desire to eat. Seeing as this is rather rare for me, I'm going to take full advantage of it by only eating once a day. I'd try for even less food, but I don't think that I'd be able to skip eating dinner without my boyfriend getting suspicious/worried. Hopefully this will get me under 200 again. Just need to make some green tea so I have something without cals to drink.

[Rant/Rave] Tfw you have casual sex in order to feel desired and beautiful
Created: Tue Jan 16 18:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxfno/tfw_you_have_casual_sex_in_order_to_feel_desired/

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by my mother
Created: Tue Jan 16 18:30:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxf7p/triggered_by_my_mother/
And she wasn’t even in the room. My dad called to say that my mom and my little sister were fighting again. Sister is 20 years old, a damn adult, and my mom can’t handle that she has a boyfriend and is growing up to a severely harmful degree. She’ll call my sis names like “slut” and “whore” and basically outright ignore her whole existence. My sis has had two boyfriends in her entire life- also her only two sexual partners. She’s a top student at an amazing university, beautiful and well-liked. My mom goes into this livid state that is so disgusting and harmful, then crawls to me with all this twisted poisonous affection. It makes me cry.

So yeah, it also triggered me back waaaay into my ED. Dad phoned right after I did a stupid big binge of cereal and protein bars (seriously I wanna vomit just thinking about them) and now all I want to do is starve starve starve. I can’t do that. My days are packed with activities that require me to be on the ball mentally and physically. I’m thinking 900 calories a day. I really do need to lose weight, a good twenty pounds. Right now I’m 5’6 and 145, so pretty thick and just eww. Little sis is 100 at 5’3. I’m so incredibly jealous. I want to be thin, I want my mom to get help or leave me and my sis the fuck alone, and I’m scared. I’m so scared. I haven’t thought about this stuff in a while, but suddenly all I see are puffy cheeks and an ugly pug nose. So, yeah, thanks mom.

[Discussion] Vora fasting friends :)
Created: Tue Jan 16 18:18:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qxcgz/vora_fasting_friends/
I just started using Vora to track my fasts. There have been username threads but none recently so drop your usernames here! Mine is the same as my reddit- coffeepaysthebills

[Intro] Fuck recovery! Time to get skinny
/u/ana-wrecks-ya [5'8 | 101lbs | 15.19 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 18:02:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qx8w4/fuck_recovery_time_to_get_skinny/

I used to be really active on here before going into recovery about 2 years ago. It's been a slow descent downwards since then. I was never actively restricting but I kept losing weight. My depression never improved even after trying many different treatments. I was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression and told that I will likely always be depressed and that I just have to get used to it. I am not OK with that. I don't want to live a life where I feel like this everyday forever. So I decided recovery is not for me, plus I got kicked out of the program unless I go back into treatment and I'm not doing that.

I've been struggling with anorexia since I was about 12, so 10 years now. I also used to binge and purge a lot. I can't do that anymore because my new meds are dangerous when purging.

I'm not counting calories yet, but that will come soon. I'm restricting most of my meals, except supper is harder because I eat with my mom. I'm debating telling her about my relapse, if I do she'll get really depressed and stressed out but I'd be able to eat what I want. So I don't know what to do, I figure my therapists will rat me out soon anyways.

So I'm going to try to get as small as possible and as quickly as possible. I'm aiming for below a bmi of 13.

It hurt to update my flair from my pre-recovery weight, but I'm not too far.

I'm excited to be back!

[Rant/Rave] Going to a dietitian tomorrow..
/u/ThisIsGumpy [Height 5'2| CW 108| GW 100]
Created: Tue Jan 16 17:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qx5mi/going_to_a_dietitian_tomorrow/
I don’t feel sick enough to actually be going to get ‘help’
I’m vegan and able to eat 3 solid meals a day with snacks and stay ~800 a day and I run at the least 3 days a week.
I lost 16 lbs this semester and am currently 103-104
The reason I’m going is that I want to get back into lifting and get my ass back, but I still want to lose weight? But I know that I’m on the edge of healthy and underweight
This is just a long rant trying to convince myself to go, but knowing in the back of my head I won’t stick to the meal plan because I just want to be 100 lbs

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up
Created: Tue Jan 16 17:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qwwj6/i_fucked_up/
After eating under 1000 cals for a few days, I gave in today and ate an anorexic’s natural enemy: the swiss roll. I feel like shit. I’m sure I’m overreacting, but I feel heavy, bloated, and all around worthless. I’ve already purged but I couldn’t rid a lot unfortunately.

I feel like I’ve discarded all my progress over one little dessert! And to think I had self control!

[Rant/Rave] Having a mental breakdown over croutons
/u/arandomnamebcimlazy [5’6| CW: 132| BMI:21.3| -94| Female|]
Created: Tue Jan 16 16:50:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qwrpk/having_a_mental_breakdown_over_croutons/
I’ve been trying so hard to do better. I’ve been trying so hard to eat healthy. Today was my breaking point. The salad I had in the fridge was supposed to come with croutons, but for some reason, they weren’t there. I thought, “that’s fine. I’ll just add some of the croutons my mom bought.” I just grabbed a few from the bag and tossed them on the salad. After eating, I started calculating everything, so I went back to look at the calories on the bag. 35 calories per 2 tbsp. How the fuck am I supposed to know how many croutons are in two tablespoons? Mind you, these are big croutons. I’m gonna guess-estimate that I grabbed like 7 or 8 croutons? If one crouton is 35 calories, I will be done. I feel like such a pig, but naturally, after disgusting myself, I decided to step on the scale. 136. I was just 132 yesterday. I feel like laying in bed and crying for the rest of the night. My life feels like it’s falling apart. All because of some damn croutons. What a day.

[Other] Posted on r/fatlogic, this shit terrifies me
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 16:09:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qwhgu/posted_on_rfatlogic_this_shit_terrifies_me/

[Rant/Rave] Probably not normal to just have a giant pill stash
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7" | CW: 133lbs | BMI: 21.1 | -12.5 | GW: 125lbs]
Created: Tue Jan 16 15:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qw1fk/probably_not_normal_to_just_have_a_giant_pill/
It's pretty funny that I just have a giant pill stash of whatever I need to be extra disordered. Puffy and holding water weight? Time for some Spironolactone. Taking up EC stacks again? Break out the propranolol to make it a smooth ride. Tired from restricting but need to drive three hours? Modafinal to the rescue.

All I need is a prescription for Metformin I feel like to just be Queen There's A Pill For That.

[Rant/Rave] Starting my New Years resolutions a bit late but..
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvxus/starting_my_new_years_resolutions_a_bit_late_but/
I’m starting them, that’s good!

I’ve been binging for way too long and it’s time to put an end to it. I’ve gained everything back and am feeling fatter than ever so I’m in need of a fresh start (again..)
anyway, a very late but very happy new year.

To all of you; stay strong<3

[Rant/Rave] Back on Adderall
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvvtu/back_on_adderall/
Just went back on adderall today after being off for 5 months. The feeling is amazing. Not only do I get all the benefits of adderall such as being able to function like a normal person, but I can finally start restricting again. I started at 300 lbs and lost 150 lbs in like 4 months when I first started adderall. I thought I could manage and maintain without adderall but in the 5 months that I've been off it I gained like 20 lbs. I realized once I went off it how fucked my appetite really is. I also have absolutely no self control. If I wanted it I ate it, if it was put in front of me I ate it. I've felt like shit these past 5 months and today has been the first good day since then. Currently working on a 100 cal protein bar and a can of sugar free red bull, about to go to work and play video games all night so I don't eat anymore. Here's hoping I can finally start restricting and get my weight under control. I'm tired of being fat.

[Rant/Rave] Plateau for over a month is making me lose my damn mind
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvvfq/plateau_for_over_a_month_is_making_me_lose_my/
Aggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh jfc

A couple days before Christmas I weighed in at 36.2 kg. a few days later it jumped up to 36.5 despite keeping a consistent -200 deficit and now for the entirety of January it's been fluctuating 36.3-36.4 kg and I'm going fucking nuts lmao. Bumped my exercise from 40-45k steps to 45-50k steps/day and cut my intake by 200 calories for the past week and nothing nothing nothing !!

I'm exhausted and shaky and so very tired. Everything feels like a dream. What a difference a few hundred calories makes. I'm so pissed! Lowering my intake to the 1500s would be shit with my weight and activity level, and I honestly am too tired to up my exercise anymore. this is ridiculous!! someone please reassure me that this is just a plateau and my metabolism isn't somehow ruined beyond human possibility lmao. maybe it is. fucking fuck.

Hope you've all had a better year with the scales so far! ah ha ha :(

[Discussion] Any other orthos feel “inadequate”/gluttonous compared to heavy restricters?
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 119lb | gw 110lb | bmi 21]
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvuqd/any_other_orthos_feel_inadequategluttonous/
I eat exactly 1365 calories a day and track my macros obsessively, gym obsessively, and supplement excessively. I consume 3 different vitamins a day, Omega 3s, and B12 as well as a superfoods fiber drink.

Even after I’ve eaten all of my calories for the day I still feel hungry as hell and sooooo inadequate and gross compared to those who can restrict to lower than 1000 a day. Even though I eat more than many on here, I still have days where I binge on processed garbage. I literally ate 8 crescent rolls in a row and then a giant bowl of pasta and still felt hungry my last binge day.

I could never restrict to the amount many do and I feel gross and slow and gluttonous as fuck :(

[Rant/Rave] "1200 calories is too low!"
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-5bls// bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:35:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvs42/1200_calories_is_too_low/
more therapy posts lol yaaaa

okay so this is actually really bothering me and i feel like its not great advice. the lady i met with yesterday asked me how many calories i would eat if i wanted to lose weight. i said ideally 700, but realistically/if i wanted to be healthy about it 1200. she looked all 'oh no' and said 1200 is way too low. that its the amount prisoners in auschwitz were fed. that i'd still be starving!

man i am a 21 5'1.5 sedentary female, not doing any hard/forced labour

my tdee is like 1425! like!??!! im not underweight, like im chubby. im trying to stop binging/purging/bingedrinking and lose weight

does this seem a bit ridiculous to anyone else???

[Tip] $7.50 for five boxes of fiber one bars at Giant... oh boy
/u/i-want-to-be-little [5’2” | CW: 109.5 | 17F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:32:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvr9w/750_for_five_boxes_of_fiber_one_bars_at_giant_oh/

[Discussion] Is anyone maintaining?
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvlhg/is_anyone_maintaining/
Once I get to my goal weight of 68kg my goal is to maintain my weight, but I read so many posts of people hitting their GW and then they keep going and going and going...

[Rant/Rave] Today I made a "healthy" choice instead of acting on my ED and I feel weirdly conflicted about it.
/u/desde-siempre [5'3" | CW 115 | GW 100 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 14:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvjp1/today_i_made_a_healthy_choice_instead_of_acting/
I'm an avid competitive runner and I have a 5k coming up in a few weeks, but I hurt my foot somehow so I'm basically benched until the injury heals. Normally when I get injured I ignore when the doctor says to rest and not run for a period of time, but f*ck that, I got steps to count and miles to rack up and calories to burn. Plus my ED brain will call me a piece of shit for the entire day if I don't exercise so....

This time the injury is very painful so I don't even have it in me to push through it. I rode my bike around almost all day and was about to go to the supermarket to stash up some c/s food (I do c/s binge style like an animal in my room -_-) when my roommate invited me to the gym.

I stood in the middle of the street between home and the store for like 30 literal second like a moron debating what I should do when I figured fuck it, gym it is. I need to save my money anyhow.

We worked out and now I'm home wishing I had some binge food handy, wishing I didn't go to the gym cuz now I'm starving and having a hard time not demolishing everything in the fridge...

idk sorry this is a ramble, but TL;DR I made a healthy person decision and now my mind is all over the place.

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend points out when I’m getting heavier and praises me when I’m skinny. It’s fueling my obsessive binge purge more than ever before.
Created: Tue Jan 16 13:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qvagy/my_boyfriend_points_out_when_im_getting_heavier/
We’ve been together for a few years and for the most part have been very happy together. We’ve always prioritized being thin vs fat and encouraged each other to stay in shape and work towards being healthy. He’s made comments before when my bingeing started getting out of hand but lately it seems like a constant thing. It’s never been this bad before. I’m tall and already technically underweight but I’m getting obsessed again with purging until there is nothing left. I feel like I’m spiraling.

He is really attractive and gets a lot of attention from women which makes me even more motivated to stay desirable for him. The other day he pinched my stomach fat and said, “oh no you’re getting a little thick again.” I wanted to die.

My life has been pretty stressful lately a lot of changes in my living situation and job have happens so my food therapy has been more intense. Food/ weight has always been my means of control. I know many of you can relate. Does anyone else have this dynamic with their partner? Whenever I tell him his comments are making me insecure he just reassures me he wants me to be healthy. I don’t know what to do anymore.

[Help] Everything I eat is making me nauseous right now.
Created: Tue Jan 16 13:26:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qv95r/everything_i_eat_is_making_me_nauseous_right_now/
Has this happened to anyone else? It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, I feel nauseous after and it's driving me nuts. I *hate* feeling nauseous.

[Help] Exams start tomorrow
Created: Tue Jan 16 13:20:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qv7jo/exams_start_tomorrow/
I have 5 and a half hours of exams tomorrow beginning 8:30am and i have exams on for the next week. They’re intense and important and i want to complete them to the best of my ability...which means eating. I think i’m going to need breakfast tomorrow before my first exam and a meal between them so i’ve made pasta to have between but nervous for breakfast. I haven’t attempted breakfast in a long time and it often leaves me feeling guilty and sick which i don’t want during the exam. I also have energy drinks at the ready but really any suggestions for meals, especially breakfasts to keep me going through this exam period would be really welcomed💖😕

[Other] Cat always wants to be in the bathroom while I'm purging.
Created: Tue Jan 16 12:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7quzc8/cat_always_wants_to_be_in_the_bathroom_while_im/
Kind of silly post but he always insists on being in the bathroom with me and will cry outside the door if I don't let him in. I know he doesn't understand what's going on but I feel so awkward doing it in front of him. He just watches me and sits in the bathtub, judging I imagine lol.

[Tip] Halo Top is available in the UK - this is not a drill
Created: Tue Jan 16 11:44:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7quh6i/halo_top_is_available_in_the_uk_this_is_not_a/

Extreme hunger
Created: Tue Jan 16 11:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qucm9/extreme_hunger/

[Help] Please tell me I don't need to purge miso soup
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 133.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 11:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7quc54/please_tell_me_i_dont_need_to_purge_miso_soup/
I had like 1 3/4 cups of miso soup for lunch which is under 200 calories, less than my normal lunches of 250 or 300 even, but for some reason because it made me so full I just wanna purge it. I don't need to purge miso soup. Miso is a safe food for me. Why am I feeling this way? Can I just not be full anymore without wanting to purge? I'm just sitting at my desk feeling like a fat pile of human garbage.

[Discussion] Therapy or phychologist?
Created: Tue Jan 16 11:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7quas1/therapy_or_phychologist/
Have any of you gone to therapy or seen a psychologist for your ED or anxiety? I feel like maybe I want to, but I don't know if I'm ready to recover really. I guess I'm asking what was your experience with it and did you like it or dislike ?

[Discussion] Weird sources of pride
Created: Tue Jan 16 11:18:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qua4j/weird_sources_of_pride/
On mobile, please flair as discussion.

Does anybody else have weird sources of affirmation that your diet is working? I ask this because I just got this sick joy from being the only person in my office that feels cold now that they've turned the heat up. Like, "YES THIS MEANS I'M RESTRICTING ENOUGH!"

Because that's obviously a normal thought process lmao

[Discussion] Best apps for progress photos?
Created: Tue Jan 16 11:14:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qu8w0/best_apps_for_progress_photos/
I want to start tracking my progress without obsessing over the scale. Does anyone use any apps that help compare before and after photos?

[Help] I really fucked it up this time
Created: Tue Jan 16 10:50:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qu2an/i_really_fucked_it_up_this_time/

[Rant/Rave] Just feeling so down
Created: Tue Jan 16 10:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qu28l/just_feeling_so_down/
I've had a really bad few days of binging, truly embarrassing and I'm ashamed of myself.

Yesterday, when I was full and feeling like shit, I decided to go on Facebook and stalk my boyfriend's ex (from years ago). She is SO SKINNY and gorgeous and I am such a fat fuck.

I just feel ashamed of myself for letting myself be like this. Why can't I just be hot ugh.

I want to fast but I have exams at the moment and can't concentrate. Any words of wisdom?

[Rant/Rave] “I’m really worried about you being on these websites”
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 17BMI | -165 | 30F | AU]
Created: Tue Jan 16 10:48:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qu1od/im_really_worried_about_you_being_on_these/
My husband slapped that one on me and I’m like dude it’s literally just for support, he’s like i can’t have have you/have you been getting tips and looking at pictures of shit- I told him that I DONT NEED TIPS (I got here on my own ha) unless they’re to better my health really, I do look at thinspo but it’s more on my Tumblr and he doesn’t know my secret blog and my other stuff I reblog is few and far between and very mild. He stopped using Tumblr anyway.

So yeah that’s a thing that happened. I think I defended proed pretty well; offering and getting support, sort of thing, commiserating. Not “dieting together” because I don’t feel it’s like that.

Love 💗

[Rant/Rave] I bruised my butt
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 17BMI | -165 | 30F | AU]
Created: Tue Jan 16 10:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qtyi3/i_bruised_my_butt/

[Help] Been restricting for over 2 months and lost weight- but now the weight is slowly coming back on?!
/u/hollowedheart_ [5'7" | CW 126 | GW 125 | UGW 120 |]
Created: Tue Jan 16 09:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qtmph/been_restricting_for_over_2_months_and_lost/

[Discussion] Please tell me I’m not the only one with irrational food habits
Created: Tue Jan 16 09:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qthgi/please_tell_me_im_not_the_only_one_with/
These are currently my most irrational food habits:

Breaking up my food into tiny pieces so it feels like I had less calories than like one huge piece of bread

Picking out the “deformed” chips in a bag of chips so it’s harder for me to binge (it’s to the point where my bf will dig out the oddly shaped pieces and give them to me) that or I won’t eat the whole chip and I’ll crush it in the bag

Feeding people the food I’m eating so I’ll have less calories and feel less guilty

Eating only halves of nuts and throwing out the rest of them in the trash

Chewing and insane amount of gum to prevent eating

To be honest when I want to restrict I’m good but when I binge I start feeling this overwhelming amount of guilt and these habits somehow help me feel better about my actions

What about you guys?

[Rant/Rave] Even my dreams are ED
/u/fourfoldcat [5'4 | 113 |19.4| GW:105 | -32 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 08:52:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qt6j9/even_my_dreams_are_ed/
Just wanted to share this experience with you guys because it was beyond bizzare.

Last night I had a dream I was apart of someone else's family. I don't really know who, all I know is their family possessed wayyyy more junk food than my family does. We were all eating pizza and I remember in the dream still being hungry. I went to the cabinet and spotted nutella. I then thought to myself *do calories transfer from dreams to real life?* meaning at the time I was aware I was in a dream but not completely. I then thought that since I was in a dream it would be smart to use it to eat whatever I want. So I ate the entire jarful of nutella. That was just one small part of the dream, the rest wasn't food related. However, that part just stuck with me because of how vivid it was.

Crazy how my eating disorder is what made me aware I was in a dream.

[Other] Saw this plate while I was browsing...
Created: Tue Jan 16 08:01:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qsugc/saw_this_plate_while_i_was_browsing/

[Help] Question
Created: Tue Jan 16 07:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qst8r/question/

[Help] Protein, deficits, and building a booty
/u/itchybonez [5'5 | 26F | CW:132 | GW:120 | 🍑 jennydidwhat]
Created: Tue Jan 16 06:33:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qsbhq/protein_deficits_and_building_a_booty/
I've started to go back to the gym to get my booty back. When I did heavy weight training before (and when I was eating >1200 calories...) my protein goal was about 100g per per training day.

Does anyone have an idea of how many grams of protein I should be aiming for? Is it even worth trying to obtain muscle gains on such a high caloric deficit (500-900 cal per day)?

I just want my food and eating to be Kuwai so Senpei will notice me.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Tue Jan 16 06:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qsbgf/i_just_want_my_food_and_eating_to_be_kuwai_so/

[Rant/Rave] I just stayed in bed.
/u/bellexy [5'8 | tubbalub | -20 | GW 118]
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:59:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qs52r/i_just_stayed_in_bed/
So I've been in not the best place. I haven't been around because - and I'm sure you can relate - I don't feel like I belong when I'm disappointed in myself. I know this community isn't like that, I know I'm welcome all the same, but my brain says no so I don't hang around.

Anyway, yesterday my depression was so bad that I finally gave up trying to eat my feelings. Probably my first sub 2000 day in weeks, I had about 400. Which is a good thing/bad thing. When I finally started to drift off, I got this huge hunger pang out of nowhere. I knew I didn't need it but I had candy corn on my dresser just a few feet away. I told myself: this is the easy part, all you have to do is not get out of bed.

Of course, that's usually the hard part. It was hard. I was still miserable and I wanted it so bad. But I stayed in bed and fell asleep.

I might finally be out of this binge cycle. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I like y'all way too much to stay away for this long. Hope y'all have been well 💕

[Discussion] Anybody wanna fast today?
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:55:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qs4bd/anybody_wanna_fast_today/

[Discussion] any other vegan EDer find that veganism helps rationalise eating?
/u/misterrazorz [159 | 44.4 | 17.9 | a]
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qs387/any_other_vegan_eder_find_that_veganism_helps/
i hope that makes sense.

i used to really hate eating, since from my perspective there are more cons than pros to eating, but since eating vegan i can tell myself that i'm doing it (eating) for the animals, the planet, and my own health. it makes me more willing to eat, and it makes the food go down more easily.

[Rant/Rave] Book I found at a local book sale over the weekend. An older lady gave me a weird look when I took a picture of the cover but no regrets! I really wanted to buy it since it was so cheap ($3) but doing that = coming out to my mom. Maybe some other time :/
/u/thedarkleopard [5'3'' | CW: 129 | SW: 144 | 22.85 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qs00u/book_i_found_at_a_local_book_sale_over_the/

[Discussion] January 16th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qryc5/january_16th_2018_question_of_the_day/
Do you owe someone money? Does someone owe you?

Side note (I’m gonna hijack my own post) - I’m finally getting my permanent crowns today! Several years ago I fell (ahem, was dropped) face first onto concrete and chipped my front teeth pretty badly. Up until now it’s just been fillings but they’ve started chipping and the quick fix looked not so great. So today’s the day! 😃😬

Edit - if anyone cares, [here’s my teeth journey](https://imgur.com/a/LGham), it’s a whirlwind of emotion. Plus bonus old body pics at my thinnest

Edit 2- omg sorry everyone I didn’t realize that picture popped up once you opened the post 😭

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday January 16, 2018
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qrwq2/thinspo_tuesday_january_16_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 16, 2018
Created: Tue Jan 16 05:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qrwpa/daily_food_diary_january_16_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 16, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] DAE kind of feel like they're stuck in a perpetual state of suspended childhood?
Created: Tue Jan 16 04:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qrmws/dae_kind_of_feel_like_theyre_stuck_in_a_perpetual/

[Help] Will there be a visible difference?
Created: Tue Jan 16 04:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qrm2f/will_there_be_a_visible_difference/

[Other] I like watching food videos on Instagram when I'm hungry
Created: Tue Jan 16 02:22:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qr6c4/i_like_watching_food_videos_on_instagram_when_im/
Right now I'm watching cheese lover videos lol. I can pretend I'll get to eat it...someday

Edit: I just realized it's kind of like watching porn but better.

[Rant/Rave] Well, I'm officially underweight again..yay?
/u/ThinnerBirb [5'7 | CW:120lb | GW:100lb | HW:130lb | 18.9 BMI | 19F]
Created: Tue Jan 16 02:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qr3p8/well_im_officially_underweight_againyay/
I don't even know how I feel lmao but so much for telling myself I was doing fine. I've been weighing myself every day and restricting and today I'm back to being just underweight (flair is hella out of date).

I was telling myself I'd be happy just making it to here again and now I'm aiming even lower because I still take up too much space in the world 💔

Last time I was underweight I was...16 or so I think? 16-17 anyway. Guess at least I maintained okay for about two years.

My fiance's just worried at this point and I'm stuck between not caring how he feels about it, refusing to care about it, and wishing I could change.

At least even if I wanted to I couldn't afford therapy and I've no idea what adult ED resources are available in this country.

Sorry for the rant ;; I needed to get everything off my chest I guess

[Rant/Rave] My ED is making me want to break up with my boyfriend.
/u/losemore [5”9.5 | -40lb | 21F | UGW 100lbs ]
Created: Tue Jan 16 01:24:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qqy1j/my_ed_is_making_me_want_to_break_up_with_my/
My boyfriend is tiny, like BMI anywhere between 16 and 17 and only a couple of inches taller than me tiny. He hardly ever fucking eats and when he does it’s junk food that he grabs because he’s too lazy to cook. He doesn’t have a bad relationship with food, he just doesn’t *care* about food, it blows my mind. I’m extremely triggered whenever I’m around him and whenever I see his extremely prominent rib cage or hip bones it makes me want to never eat again.
I’ve stopped having sex with him because I feel even more disgusted about my body than usual as I’m constantly comparing it to his, and I’ve started to avoid even being around him.

I’m considering breaking up with him.. how fucked is that?! Breaking up with someone because you’re jealous of how skinny they are. But I can’t be around him, and if I had to choose between him and my ED, well the ED will always win.

Has anyone else ever been in a position like this before?

[Rant/Rave] Can I rant about pms?
/u/im-nobody-too [CW: 119lbs | GW: Maintain don't gain | 26f]
Created: Tue Jan 16 00:06:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qqm31/can_i_rant_about_pms/
I miss when I was too skinny to get my period.

It's really light this month, but I'm still feeling bloated and gross, and I've been craving sweets. Normally I try to eat on the low end of maintenance (or slightly under, because recovery is hard), but I've probably been eating on the upper end the past few days. And because my body doesn't follow the rules, that means I'll probably gain significantly.

I hate my stupid "healthy" body so freaking much.

[Rant/Rave] I was called a fat bitch today
/u/ponderingachange [Height 5'6 | CW86 | GW80]
Created: Tue Jan 16 00:05:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qqm0s/i_was_called_a_fat_bitch_today/
I was called a fat bitch by someone easily 100lb heavier than me. I was called a fat bitch by a homeless guy because I wouldn't give him any change.

And I'm pissed off because a fucking homeless piece of shit thinks I don't deserve food, so I obviously don't. I was meant to get a ride home but I'm going to walk tonight because the slice of toast I ate was more than I deserve.

I fucking hate this sometimes. I'm *hungry*. I actually DO want to be normal. I just wish I deserved to eat. And now homeless people are telling me I don't. So I obviously need to accept that.

[Rant/Rave] Successes and struggles and how I filled my pantry and emptied my wallet.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Mon Jan 15 23:09:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qqcts/successes_and_struggles_and_how_i_filled_my/
On mobile flair as rant or rave or potentially discussion.

So starting off on the high note. I have been purge free for a week and my last binge was five days ago. The last four days however I have successfully restricted low. I tend to do ok for a couple of days. I have been really depressed lately and if anyone read my last post my pseudo relationship is really putting a lot of stress on me. The person I am sort of with eat a way too much and it shows so I feel like I need to be completely in control when I am alone and especially when I am with this person.

So the last few days I have pretty much only eating raw veggies. Lots of carrots and celery, tomatoes sliced and spiced. Hot sauce to dip some veggies in. Pretty basic but definately lacking.

I decided since I had today off I would go to the store and buy some things to get by on. I was really hesitant but feel like because I have been mostly in control the last few days I could handle some things that I deamed safe.

So for those curious or for solidarity in liking the same things here is my list.

Carrots, lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, onions, spinach, cucumber, zucchini, green tea, Powerade zero, pickles, shirataki noodles, Newman's tomatoe basil pasta sauce, low call lentil soup, Boca brand "beef" crumbles, Boca brand vegan "chicken" nuggets, sour dough English muffins, pita thins, minute rice, smart food low cal sea salt popcorn.

Oh and I got two pints of dairy free Halo Top! I got chocolate and a salted caramel one. I have never tried halo top because I am vegan but I am going in with pretty low expectations. Before I was vegan I tried arctic zero and I didn't quite hit the spot so I am going in with very low expectations.

So yeah that's how I spent my holiday. I hope everyone else is love.

You are all lovely and beautiful.


[Rant/Rave] I just want him to realize that I'm sick too.
Created: Mon Jan 15 23:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qqb9g/i_just_want_him_to_realize_that_im_sick_too/
Hungry/emotional/irrational rant incoming.

I sort of rushed into a relationship with this guy I had a huge crush on in highschool. He has substance abuse disorder, which I told him I'd help him work through and do whatever I could to support him. But he wouldn't let me, he thought I had my life together and that being with him would ruin me. He hasn't talked to me much for the past two months.

But we live in the same town, we'll cross paths sooner or later. And when we do, I want him to *see* that I'm sick too. I want him to see my bones and dark circles and the way my hands shake. I want him to know that I'm not as strong as he thinks I am.

[Tip] Great tool - enter stats and it calculates how many calories to maintain vs. gain/lose 1 or 2lbs per week.
/u/lilmissdisappearing [5'3" | 103.7 | 18.88 | 22F | 🍑@lilmiss]
Created: Mon Jan 15 22:49:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qq9f3/great_tool_enter_stats_and_it_calculates_how_many/

[Discussion] Candy diet?
Created: Mon Jan 15 22:32:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qq6j7/candy_diet/

[Rant/Rave] You're not fat, I love you
Created: Mon Jan 15 21:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpzq3/youre_not_fat_i_love_you/
Boyfriend logic I guess? Whenever I comment on my weight and how gross I am, he tries to say I'm not fat. Like no, I am fat. Its not my opinion, its a legit fact. I'm 5'4 and just over 200 pounds. My BMI is higher than my age. He thinks that just because HE likes me that I should like me.

He also likes to say "I love you and think you're fine and that's all that matters." My reply is always some form of "so it doesn't matter what I think of myself" or "glad to hear my opinion doesn't matter."

I've even mentioned how I've tried purging in the past and how I was sad I couldn't make it work. I don't think I've told him how deep my issues go. I don't know if I even should tell him. What's he going to do? I've tried talking to him about losing weight/getting healthy together. But he'd rather just talk about him being fat than do anything about it.

Its so annoying feeling like he's trying to talk me out of being fat. If I were to suddenly agree with him and think I'm skinny, the mirror would still show the truth.

[Discussion] Eating more but lower calorie
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 106.4|GW 95|UGW 84|17.91| -26.6| F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 21:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpxka/eating_more_but_lower_calorie/
On mobile and don't know how to flag. Please flag help

So I've been increasing the amount of food that I've been eating but I've realized that I'm still eating really low calorie foods. I was trying to maintain a bit so I could think about getting help for my ED, but when I try to make myself lunch and snacks for the next day it still comes in under 350 calories. And I don't usually eat dinner so that would be it for the day. I ended up packing a salad and some light dressing (30), a small banana, (100) an apple (80), and less than half a cup of sugar snap peas (17) and some yogurt (100)

What do I do? I feel so conflicted because this is probably the most healthy I've been eating but I'm also eating way under maintenance but because the food is so low cal I feel full easier too. I don't know if I want to keep restricting and get down to 99 or try to stay where I am :(

[Discussion] Rewards for losing?
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW: send help GW: 140 | -9lbs | 22/F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 21:35:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpvoa/rewards_for_losing/

[Discussion] DAE get really annoyed with Facebook posts about overeating?
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 135 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Mon Jan 15 21:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpsce/dae_get_really_annoyed_with_facebook_posts_about/
I see it all the time. "Lemme fitness into my mouth....HAHAHAHA!" "When you just finished your salad and someone brings in the cake." "If they made taco flavored vodka, I'd be dead in an hour."

Like why be proud that you just binge ate? Especially if you are overweight....wtf...Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but I find this disgusting and it always makes me cringe.

[Other] Even in an international crisis, I'm obsessed with food
/u/spliceme [5'6" | GW: 125 | CW: lol | 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 21:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qprzi/even_in_an_international_crisis_im_obsessed_with/
Sorry, misleading title - this was just in my dream last night!

So in the dream (sorry again, I know other people's dreams are *boring*), everyone at work was silently watching the news, following the map of a missile from North Korea that was travelling across the US, terrified of where it was going to land. I'm in SE Asia at the moment, btw. Anyway, when it went to an advert break, we started talking about how this was the end of the world as we know it.

What does dream me do? Goes to the shop in our office building to buy food for *The Last Binge*. The rest of my dream was me getting frustrated that I just couldn't find the right binge-worthy food.

LMFAO! A nuclear missile is going to kill a lot of people, but my biggest problem was that the bags of sweets weren't big enough :'D

[Rant/Rave] nonsense ramblings of my weight loss failures
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8” |cw:247 |-28lbs |20F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 21:08:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpqfw/nonsense_ramblings_of_my_weight_loss_failures/
over the holidays i gained at least 1 lb, possibly 2. i saw the change in the scale and i went into HARDCORE RESTRICT MODE literally i fasted for 40 hours straight and was bored of food after. i had to force myself to eat because i was afraid i would pass out since i’m not used to fasting. i did good for those few days around the fast.

CUE SCHOOL STARTING AND THEN A DUMB CAR ACCIDENT (NBD but it scared me and stressed me and my family out)- and now i’m just eating with reckless abandon. my brain has gotten into the “who fucking cares.... just eat” mode again and it’s scaring me because of how comfortable i am here. i forget that i’m fat, and yet i’m at my unhealthiest! i don’t want to gain the 25 lbs i’ve lost. i want to keep going but my brain is stuck in a depressed careless go big or go home attitude and i just want to be able to eat less than 1200 cal a day, record it all, and lose weight.

why can’t i just do that? why can’t this be easier? why do i have to be messed up and think about fucking cake and pasta all the time. it’s a curse and it’s getting old quick

[Discussion] my ED gives me a purpose in life
Created: Mon Jan 15 20:22:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpgps/my_ed_gives_me_a_purpose_in_life/
i know people must feel the same as i do, so i just want to talk to people who might relate. i feel like my life has no purpose. sure, i’m in college but i have no social life and honestly no future career goals. my life is filled with so much boredom and dissatisfaction that my eating disorder (food restriction & excessive exercise, occasional laxative abuse) gives me something to focus on completely. even with the negatives that come along with it, i still feel accomplished and like i am doing something worthwhile with my life when i reach my weight goals

[Discussion] Does anyone weigh less at night than in the morning?
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 190 lb | GW: 120 lb | 22F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 20:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qpc4e/does_anyone_weigh_less_at_night_than_in_the/
I dunno, it seems like since I've started intermittent fasting, I weight less at night (even after I'm done eating for the night). It's so weird, since I always have a massive piss at like 5 am.

Does anyone know why this might be?

[Rant/Rave] regression & relapse when I'm supposed to be recovered
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW: send help GW: 140 | -9lbs | 22/F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 19:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qp418/regression_relapse_when_im_supposed_to_be/
Word vomit incoming. I'm relapsing and I don't have a support network, so this place is all I can think of to vent to.

You know what's so dumb? I'm supposed to be the head of a mental health organization at my college; and I'm relapsing. For the past fall semester (and what a glorious semester it was) and last summer I've been able to ignore creeping self-hatred about my body. By some miracle, I actually liked myself. I regularly ate enough (too much here and there but never gained much weight because of moderation and self-forgiveness).

Now here I am back in a hell. I'm an anxiety-ridden mess, body checking, self-doubting. I'd thought that I had grown up to be a mature, pretty confident person and had left this behind me, doing my own thing and being proud of it. I'm 22 now. But I feel myself regressing and it really bothers me.

Why do I suddenly feel like an anxious depressed teenager again? I think everyone that smiles around me is laughing at me. Everyone secretly thinks I'm incompetent and a loser, and I believe it too. I used to be able to not even care even if people did criticize me, since I was confident in myself. Now I can feel myself being dragged down again. I used to do assignments in a regular way and get them done since I didn't want to burden myself later. Now I just let the anxiety and fear of failure push it off. I used to be proud of the muscle I put on lifting, even if there was fat too. Now I have to be perfect. I have to obsess over my weight and my meals again. I literally just want to fall into someone's arms and cry. And I have no idea why i'm in this state.

I think I'm going to seek out therapy for the first time in years. There's too much stress going on this semester and if I don't, I feel like I'm going to get pulled down so deep I can't function.

At least I chewed a shitton of sugar-free gum which made me get horrible crams & flushed out my system hah

[Discussion] Anyone else writing a dissertation/thesis? Tips/help?
/u/UnrecoverableFuss [5'4 | GW 115 | CW 158 | HW/LW 198/98 | 28F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 19:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qp1tf/anyone_else_writing_a_dissertationthesis_tipshelp/

My restriction has always been fueled by academics in the best possible way, which, sick as it is to say, is probably a big part of the reason I am now on year 7 of my PhD. Focussing on an exam, a paper, whatever gave me a reachable goal that I could concentrate on to distract myself from food. My dissertation has resulted in the absolute opposite...1.5 years now of binge/restrict cycles...binging as I panic about the sprawling, ambiguous, monstrously huge project in front of me, restricting as I break it down into pieces and create an achievable smaller goal. And then the cycle repeats, because nothing is ever finished.

I need to show something to my committee by late March if I want to get this thing done this semester. After a fucking YEAR AND A HALF, I'm at 40 single-spaced pages (need ~120-200 in my field). And to make matters worse, I'm on the job market now and that's sucking up a huge amount of time (only to likely amount to nothing in the end fml). And I'm teaching a class that's a huge time-drain (a lot of writing to grade - clearly I'm so well-qualified!).

I'm drowning and I'm so scared of entering another binge cycle and showing up to interviews obese. Tips/stories/motivation appreciated.

My boyfriends reaction when I told him about my ED
Created: Mon Jan 15 19:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qp1n8/my_boyfriends_reaction_when_i_told_him_about_my_ed/
Some weeks ago I was about to take a shower with my bf. Before jumping in to the shower he weighed himself and asked if I also wanted to. I said no without any explainations.

The reasons were that firstly, I am deeply ashamed of my weight, and secondly it would bring no good, as I during that period felt OK. It’s just a very sensitive topic that I don’t talk to anyone about. I don’t really open up to anyone.

We got into the shower and he seemed slightly irritated that I didn’t wheigh myself, as if it was a sign of me not trusting him (okay...). He got sad/pissed for reals, so I opened up and told him I had several EDs (and have had for ages) and that was the reason why I didn’t want to. I said to him that I often fast, binge, puke and restrict etc.
The first thing he said was ”But you’re not underweight” and ”why don’t you just work out” and ”i also fast sometimes, it’s nothing weird”. I can’t remember exactly, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear in that situation.

I just went out of the shower, laid down in the bed and started crying. I understand EDs aren’t always easy to understand, but that just hit me so hard. It almost felt as he was making my issues seem smaller. Maybe they are small.

[Rant/Rave] My best friend is in DKA as a result of her diabulimia. And me and two other friends are going to visit her in the hospital and ALL of us are relapsing bad and I am so terrified that this fucking disease will kill me and all my closest friends.
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qoy8c/my_best_friend_is_in_dka_as_a_result_of_her/
I don’t know what to do. Doesn’t help that the only way I know to cope with this is to restrict or b/p.

[Other] Closer to home, still far away
/u/throwaway002300 [25F | 5’3 | CW 102 | BMI 18 | GW ???]
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:56:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qoy4r/closer_to_home_still_far_away/
My husband and I moved to the western part of the state for work; we are very close to our families and I grew up in the same town my entire life (and my family has been there for generations). It was difficult being “far away” as I was so used to being nearby, and I struggled feeling left out and distant from my loved ones. We moved home last June which is really great but has caused a lot of stress for me due to work. My ED has escalated to a point of almost insanity and it’s fully taken over my life (even though I’m technically still functioning). I’ve isolated myself to the point where I still have little contact with my parents and close friends, and it’s breaking my heart. My ED is creating a vast distance that is purely emotional. I’m literally 5 minutes down the road from my loved ones and yet I might as well be across the state again, and I’m so upset realizing this fact.

[Discussion] food budget
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qoxhp/food_budget/
I just thought I'd share this month's experiment to gain control over food in a way I hadn't tried before. I'm giving myself $100 to spend on food in January. I used to go to the grocery store and fill up my basket on all my safe foods, not paying attention to how much of them I was eating, but this budget has made me rethink all my food purchases. I'm scrutinizing my choices, making sure I buy enough protein to keep me full and have successfully avoided binge foods. Unfortunately I went to lunch with friends today and it cost $26, a 1/4th of my budget! Good thing I have a pantry full of soup to lean on.

[Rant/Rave] My mom called me out.
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qosno/my_mom_called_me_out/
My mom and I went out this weekend. I noticed her staring at my legs and she said "You look so tiny. You're not still losing weight, are you?". I was so flustered, I just mumbled something and changed the subject. Then she brought it up again and said "But really, have you lost more?". I told her I didn't know cause I don't really weigh myself but I haven't actively been trying to (immediately felt guilty for the lie). She knew I lost weight for my wedding and was very supportive. That was only five pounds ago so I don't understand the sudden concern. I hate that now I'm on her radar in that sense. It's so much easier to hide before there's suspicion and I thought I had ten pounds or so before that would be a concern. People who see me on a daily basis don't seem to notice but I see her about once a week and she definitely has.

I'm sorry for always using you guys as a means to bitch. I love this community and feel like it's the only place I can be completely honest. If anyone has similar experiences, I would love to hear. Love you all and hope you are doing OK. <3

[Rant/Rave] i might never recover??
/u/bombay- [5'9 | CW 160 | GW1 130 | 23.6 | 16F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qosmf/i_might_never_recover/
i just had the realization that i might never get better. i keep saying that i'm going to recover, but i know i'm only going to get worse. i'm only 16 and i know that my ed will get stronger as i grow up. i know there will be even bigger binges, more purging, and longer fasts in the future. i don't know what direction my ed will go as i grow up, but i honestly don't see my life without it. i feel like it's growing up with me in a way. i'm going to be just like my mom, 40 and still struggling with an eating disorder (if even live that long.) it's oddly comforting tbh but sometimes i just want to be normal

[Other] The joys of bulimia (I laughed myself out of a purge)
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 29F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qoro9/the_joys_of_bulimia_i_laughed_myself_out_of_a/
I know what a tide pod tastes like now. One exploded in my hand and I went to purge and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT TASTE and I forgot that one had exploded in my hand 10 mins ago. With all the pod challenge bullshit going on I am now one of those idiots lol

[Other] me_irl
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Mon Jan 15 18:07:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qonap/me_irl/

[Rant/Rave] I only live so that I can quantify / track my life
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Mon Jan 15 17:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qol5j/i_only_live_so_that_i_can_quantify_track_my_life/
• fitbit for my activity, heart rate
• daylio for my mood
• myfitnesspal for food and weight

I live to make another entry in these logbooks: he made it another day. his best days are usually fridays. he’s lost 15lbs.

beyond that, I just feel exhausted & full of cotton wool

[Rant/Rave] Do the smallest, stupidest things ever trigger you?
Created: Mon Jan 15 17:49:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qojal/do_the_smallest_stupidest_things_ever_trigger_you/
Today I got completely rejected by a girl I thought was my only friend in my uni program to do a group project together. I haven’t eaten all day to punish myself for being unwanted. Logic.

How about you guys?

Edit- forgot to flair, on mobile. Could a mod mark this as a rant/rave?

[Other] I want to cut my tongue
Created: Mon Jan 15 17:35:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qog13/i_want_to_cut_my_tongue/

[Rant/Rave] All I think about anymore is my ED
Created: Mon Jan 15 17:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qodqb/all_i_think_about_anymore_is_my_ed/

[Help] restricting & gym help
/u/build-the-house [5'6" | 140 | -40 ]
Created: Mon Jan 15 16:52:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qo5ln/restricting_gym_help/

[Other] Dreaming
Created: Mon Jan 15 16:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qo0ni/dreaming/
I just wanted to share a thought with people who would understand me. I LOVE when I eat junk food or fear food in my dreams. It used to make me anxious and feel guilty in the dream because I thought it was real. But now I feel like I get my cravings out in my sleep. All the flavor and none of the calories. It’s awesome! Last night I dreamed about bagels, ice cream, and pastries lol.

[Tip] Dasani seltzer is a blessing
Created: Mon Jan 15 16:32:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qo0de/dasani_seltzer_is_a_blessing/
So over the past couple months I’ve been on and off with soda because it’s just too sweet for me, but I’m tired of water. I came upon Dasani seltzer waters? Wow. The black cherry one is a savior. I HATE seltzer but it literally tastes like black cherry soda. Diet Coke never worked for me, so I’m super excited to find something I like with 0 cals and flavor. Try it out. I wanna try the white peach but I don’t want to be disappointed. If anyone has, how is it?

[Rant/Rave] At my wits end
Created: Mon Jan 15 16:16:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qnwhj/at_my_wits_end/
I’m drowning in my eating disorder, I have a BMI of less than 15 (5’3 and 83lbs) and feel skeletal and disgusting while simultaneously being terrified of the number increasing. I was planning on just having some mango today but FUCK THAT I’m dizzy and tired and sad. I’m gonna go get the largest order of French Toast I can order in town with butter and extra syrup. I’ll regret this tomorrow but it’ll feel good to not cave in to the bully inside my head today.

[Help] i've been doing horribly lately and am feeling worse than i ever have
Created: Mon Jan 15 16:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qntyi/ive_been_doing_horribly_lately_and_am_feeling/
hi everyone. it's been a long time since i've posted (back then it was on a different account.)

for a while everything was great. i was eating 500 or less calories every day, no binging, no giving into temptation. i lost about 35 pounds in 3 months and was the lowest weight i'd been since middle school (i'm 21, was 20 then).

that was about a year ago. i came home from college for the summer and my parents immediately guilted me back into eating gigantic portions and it's only gotten worse from there. since then i've gained back like 12 pounds and am feeling worse than i have in a long time, even when i was at my heaviest. i look so fucking disgusting. literally i look like a 50 year olf trucker with a huge beer belly mixed with a woman pregnant with triplets. i'm so disgusting and hideous.

the only thing i want is to be skinny. or hell, i would even take just being thin. i just want this disgusting fat off my body. but it's so fucking hard. no one takes a food addiction seriously and i don't know how to stop. i have no willpower. i'm going to try my hardest to start restricting again and stop binging. i can't make myself throw up anymore either because it's fucking up my throat and teeth.

i don't know why i'm writing this. just venting i guess. but if there's any support or kind words out there i could really use it. i would love to be able to make friends in a similar situation so we can help motivate each other or whatever, and just have someone to talk to about this kind of stuff who understands and won't judge me.

Got interviewed by the local news today...
Created: Mon Jan 15 16:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qntkh/got_interviewed_by_the_local_news_today/

[Help] Help me either be less sensitive or tell my fiance to shut up
/u/edthrowaway2018 [5'9" | CW: 204 | GW: 140 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 15:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qnj8h/help_me_either_be_less_sensitive_or_tell_my/
My fiance will not stop making comments about what I eat. I'm sure these comments ("what is that?" "didn't you already eat?" "what are you making?") would be harmless to a non-ED person, but all I hear when he comments on what I eat is "you're fat and should stop eating." I know he doesn't actually mean it that way, but he never comments on how I haven't eaten in days when I'm fasting so I can't help but think he's subconsciously trying to tell me to eat less...I already feel so much guilt every time I eat, I don't need anyone drawing attention to my food.

I know he's not being purposefully malicious. Even though I'm a whale I know he finds me beautiful and attractive, so I truly think this is just him being oblivious/not listening to how I feel because the comments wouldn't offend him.

Am I being crazy? (of course I am). How do I get it across to him? I've talked to him about it a million times but he still does it and bringing it up now just results in a fight. I feel like my only solution is to just never eat around him again...which might be good for me tbh. Should I just use this to my advantage and think of these comments as a deterrent to binging/eating?

[Discussion] [discussion] DAE else feel like a failure because they can't restrict below 750-800 calories?
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Landwhale -18lb | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 15:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qnhd5/discussion_dae_else_feel_like_a_failure_because/
If I go below that I start binging pretty badly, plus I get weak and become a horrible human being. I know it's dumb but I can't help but feel like I'm failing and am a fake b/c I can't heavily restrict. Ughhh stupid brain. Anyone else feel like this?

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend Struggles
/u/arkansassafras [5'7" | 135 | 21.14 | CGW: 130 | UGW: 118 | 23F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 15:04:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qncbj/boyfriend_struggles/
My boyfriend and I have a situation where we can only really see each other on weekends when he comes to visit me. I love to see him but our relationship is fairly fresh and he doesn't know the extent to my rollercoaster of an ED and my habits. At this point I am pretty much restricting during the week and then accommodating his (normal) hunger and love for food on weekends. I am happy when he is here but as soon as he leaves I feel myself freaking out. It makes me want to restrict and workout even more each week to compensate for the weekends. I don't know how to address it with him without hurting our relationship. He leaves the country in a month anyway and we won't be seeing each other then. Some part of me feels like I can keep this cycle up until he goes and then try to level out.

[Help] New Diet Coke???
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:59:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmsv0/new_diet_coke/
Is it in stores yet!?!?

[Rant/Rave] At a weird in between right now
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 102 | F 🍍]
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:48:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmpst/at_a_weird_in_between_right_now/
So since january ive been trying to take better care of myself, by exercising regularly and eating better food. and originally, eating between 1000-1400 (tdee) a day. Thats...still kind of happening.

But now im getting comfortable with going lower again, and ending days at 300-500-700 net (depening). I still do 30-40 minutes of cardio a morning. But i just feel like, im not restricting enough to feel "disordered" right now, but i know im also not eating enough to be "healthy"

Ive been SO INTO meal planning lately and i want to share it, but i feel like ill either seem like im eating too much here, or if i post on /r/1200isplenty, that Im starving myself and people will tell me to eat more.

so iunno.
*insert shrug emoji here*

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is my goal weight
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmo0k/my_boyfriend_is_my_goal_weight/
We were in my room and he told me he 135 which meant I was officially lower than him! Since I am 133 now. And then he weighed himself to make sure but he has lost like 10 lbs. now he is 123. He is super upset because he hates being skinny but he comforted him because I can’t tell a difference. He always reminds me it is about how you looks and not the number on the scale so I did that for him too. The entire time I was comforting him however I was upset about my weight. He doesn’t even try and loses weight. I wish I was lighter than him. He doesn’t struggle with an ED he is just the type of person who works and doesn’t eat enough (hence why I always cook for him) I can’t wait till we live together so I can cook him home cooked meals.

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is my bowl weight
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmnr1/my_boyfriend_is_my_bowl_weight/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling guilty about looking like someone with an ED
/u/x-ko [5'5" | 112.5 | 18.9 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmn30/feeling_guilty_about_looking_like_someone_with_an/
I forgot my lunch today so I went to a cafe down the street. The last few days have been pretty high calorie due to going out and drinking quite a bit so I'm really reigning it in today.

I got a diet coke, a hardboiled egg, and a mini babybell cheese, at a cafe that serves extensive sandwiches for almost every dietary restriction, soups, pastries, and falafel.

I stared at the case for like 10 minutes and even though the barista ringing me out made casual small talk and didn't so much as give me a suspecting look I just felt really guilty about it being pretty obvious.

Now I'm sitting on a bench on my lunch break just wallowing in the fact that I feel pitiful and gross.

I don't know this has never happened to me before, I usually don't care how it comes off in public but today I just felt like a giant red flag was dangling over my head.

Just feeling gross and needed to vent.

[Rant/Rave] My amazon pantry order arrived
/u/Strawberry2point0 [5'8" | CW: 158 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | 21M]
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmlhu/my_amazon_pantry_order_arrived/
...Full of disgusting, junky food I ordered specifically to binge on when I was in full monster hunger mode. And I was shocked when I opened the box - I don't even remember adding half of this stuff to my cart! It's only been 3 days, why the hell wouldn't I remember?

It really hammers home to me how completely my mental state is altered when my brain decides to switch to Binge Mode. :/

(And now I can't decide whether to throw all this shit out, or keep it for when I inevitably develop another craving for it in the next couple days. Whyyy does my body only want what's the worst for it.)

[Discussion] My Laxative Horror Story
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 133.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 13:08:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qmenx/my_laxative_horror_story/
Right so here's what happened:

I found out my brand new ADD medication makes me constipated (I haven't taken it the past 2 days, I'm stopping it and going to tell my dr because I just cannot mentally handle being constipated all the time, I don't know why, it's just one of my -things-)

I didn't poop for 4 days. It felt like a brick in my stomach and was making me sick. I tried everything- coffee, cigarettes, drinking tons of water, spinach smoothies, prune juice, apple cider vinegar... Nothing.

So I bought some Dulcolax.

I took 1 around 3pm on Saturday, 12 hours passed, nothing happened. I just felt worse and more constipated. So I read about the dosing and asked around on here, and figured I could take 2 safely.

So I took 2, around 2pm yesterday.

From around 5-8 I had cramps so bad that I couldn't move, I literally had to lie on my left side and stay completely still and grip my boyfriend's hand and just deal with it.

And then, the poops.

So the first poop was alright. It was a normal shape and everything, just a lot.

So was the second poop.

The third poop, however, was just straight up explosive diarrhea. I became clammy, shaky, almost passed out, sweating a river, couldn't move from the toilet. I had to open the bathroom door and have my boyfriend bring me water, and then after I was finally done I had to actually crawl to the bed and was unable to move for about an hour.

I still feel like shit, I've managed to eat some today and keep myself super hydrated. I'm just kinda wondering why it happened this way? This doesn't seem normal and I did keep myself super hydrated before and after I took the pill and up until going, so I'm not sure why it made me so sick.

Obviously I won't be doing it again, as it completely demobilized me, I'm just wondering if anyone could shed some light as to why I had SUCH a horrible reaction to it.

[Rant/Rave] A confession to make (or several)
Created: Mon Jan 15 12:32:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qm4ws/a_confession_to_make_or_several/
While I hate my ED, I guess there’s a few things I (sadly) like about it such as:

-being glad I don’t binge, and so far only lose weight (I promise I understand how serious binging is, I guess it’s my disordered thinking telling me this?)
-being proud of the control I have
-being glad I’m the skinniest friend in the group

I feel like such a terrible person for being proud of this! All EDs are serious but all I can focus on is being thin. Is that bad of me?

[Discussion] DAE add hot sauce to everything to feel fuller from less
Created: Mon Jan 15 12:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qm3c6/dae_add_hot_sauce_to_everything_to_feel_fuller/
I drink so much water that I end up sooo full. Satisfying haha

[Discussion] Low Calories Slow Cooker Recipes For One?
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 147lb | 21.32 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 12:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qm2jq/low_calories_slow_cooker_recipes_for_one/
This weekend I got a 1.5 Quart Slow Cooker from a family member. [This one to be exact](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008GS8R3K/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I1X10QC30A3X9L&colid=3SBP5HA2QMF2P&psc=1). I love that it's so tiny because I can make a recipe and not have to worry about a ton of leftovers since it's just me. Anyone have good low cal recipes?

[Rant/Rave] making jokes at my assessment appointment
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-5bls// bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Mon Jan 15 12:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qm0pv/making_jokes_at_my_assessment_appointment/
"puking is more efficient than running" etc (i had some hilarious jokes i cant remember now but proedmemes woulda loved them)

i'd be laughing and the therapist would just cringe

excuse me ma'am them jokes was hilarious don't gimme that look of pity

[Intro] An introduction and my story.
Created: Mon Jan 15 11:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qlt1m/an_introduction_and_my_story/
Sorry if intros aren't really a thing here, feel free to remove - just wanted to say hello and share a little about myself before I begin posting.

Fair warning it's a bit tl;dr and it can be shortened down to just hey I'm sleepylune and I'm a troubled 20 something with an ED and I want it to end on my own terms, but not yet.


So, hi! I'm sleepylune and I'm a girl in my 20's who has been a sufferer of eating disorders since I was about 12, with a poor body image as early as 10 years old due to me being a chubby child and both kids and adults making comments on my weight.

I always wanted to change something about my weight from the start of it all, but I never was taught the healthy way. My mum used to rave about her slim days where she had a hip bridge, visible ribs, thighs that never touched and told me often that I was too plump to achieve that and my dad told me that a lot of exercise was the only way.

With these words in my mind, I took to the internet to find how to achieve the bones look because that was what the ideal look supposedly was. I eventually was led to blogging communities such as LiveJournal which supported my search for the perfect body, the body that my parents would perhaps even praise me for.

Even when I did reach my goal weight though, my parents found other things to criticize that was subject to improvement. They never saw my weight as a milestone or something I had spent the majority of my teenage years trying to achieve. By that time though I was in too deep, I couldn't just drop this feeling of deep satisfaction that I gained from self control and discipline and I never really learned how to have healthy habits, so it wasn't something I could slink back into.

For a while though, I did get better and it was nice not really worrying about the number of calories or the food I'd eaten on that day. I maintained a healthy weight and honestly perhaps was even content about my body? But never exactly happy about it. I was actually happier at my lower weight when I felt in control and alive. It sounds so awful saying it but it's also the truth.

I suppose that's why I'm here because I'm not really ready to recover. I don't live at home anymore and my parents are in a different country so this is a choice I can at least say I've made by myself.

I find it so weird that even though this disease has taken over my life for the worse and has given me so many health problems, that I'm not ready to let go. At least not yet. I think it has to be on my own terms, if that makes sense?

I'm also here because I've technically been here for a while, but more as a lurker and this is more of a coming out of the shadows post with an attached emotional ramble.

[Rant/Rave] 5 pounds down in a week+ after breakup!
/u/aeroplanessky [5"3 | 110]
Created: Mon Jan 15 11:49:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qlsw6/5_pounds_down_in_a_week_after_breakup/
So my heart is in pieces still, but fortunately, hating myself and the person I've become that's pushed my ex away has been a great thing to punish with restricting!

Last Thursday, when he broke up with me, I weighed around 112. I got on the scale today and it said 107.4. yeah yeah, water weights probably factored in, but God is even notice how different my stomach looks.

Can't wait to get back to 95 like when I was a freshman in high school.

[Tip] Newly discovered appetite suppressant from the most unexpected source. 🍄
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 62 | 20.72/20.47 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 11:48:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qlssr/newly_discovered_appetite_suppressant_from_the/
So I spent the night last night with this new guy in my life and we ended up taking some shrooms (first time for me, he has a lot more experience tho). I didn't really feel anything besides my pupils being dilated and feeling a bit more happy and carefree. He was tripping balls tho so I ended up drinking half a bottle of scotch after not having any food all day (besides a clementine that night) so we could both be not sober.

But I noticed today that I have no appetite AT ALL. Like, all I had to eat today was a caffeine energy bar before the gym and a beer afterwords. I was going to have some hard boiled eggs but I literally could not give a fuck.

Has anyone ever taken shrooms had noticed this?

9lbs in 5 days
Created: Mon Jan 15 11:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qlqgt/9lbs_in_5_days/

I thought I ate 220 calories of mint chocolate, when I actually had 660
Created: Mon Jan 15 11:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qlkt6/i_thought_i_ate_220_calories_of_mint_chocolate/

[Other] Ate bad food
Created: Mon Jan 15 11:06:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qlh9p/ate_bad_food/
I made a new account, I think my other name was too clear to people I might know. Anyway, this last week I ate both a burger AND a burrito... I gained 5lb and it sucks but I'm also happy I did it. I had been craving these foods for a while and now I remember that, yes, they're good but not THAT good. I feel like I got them off my mind and I can now not feel jealous anymore (at least for a while) when other people eat these foods. Time to restrict again yay!

Edit: Also, I love this account, no one else would understand these things and it's really nice to be able to talk about somewhere :)

What to do after a 5,000 calorie binge? How do I get back on track and get rid of the hard, MASSIVE basketball sized bloat in two days for an event? Did this boost my metabolism or anything positive? How bad did it really set me back? I know an extra 3,500 is roughly a pound of fat :-/
Created: Mon Jan 15 10:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ql6dn/what_to_do_after_a_5000_calorie_binge_how_do_i/

[Help] I’m new and need help
Created: Mon Jan 15 10:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ql414/im_new_and_need_help/

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] Family members making this SO difficult
Created: Mon Jan 15 10:02:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ql04p/rantrave_family_members_making_this_so_difficult/

[Help] objective viewpoint? :(
Created: Mon Jan 15 10:00:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qkzc0/objective_viewpoint/

[Discussion] [discussion] Tell me about the first time you told someone about your ED.
/u/idontevenliketeatbh [23F 5'3" | cw.154 | ugw.100 | lost.45lbs ☕ ]
Created: Mon Jan 15 09:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qks34/discussion_tell_me_about_the_first_time_you_told/
How did they respond? I have a friend who's been my good friend for about 11 years. I was telling them that our old friends keep messaging me to complain about their lives but never ask how I am. Basically I said, if I say yeah I'm having bad times too, they don't even bother asking what's bothering me.

They immediately said, are you all right, you can always talk to me, etc. I straight up said, I have an eating disorder. I don't know why I said it, I haven't told anyone else. They said, I'm in mental health support groups on FB if you want me to add you, people there have EDs, everyone there is kind. I'm always here for you if you need help or want to recover, but I'm not going to overstep. Like seriously everything exactly what you want to hear from someone. I was surprised and comforted. They want to go into social work and I'm thinking they really should! I just never thought I'd have such a positive experience telling someone. I feel like if I told my husband, he'd cry and beg me to recover. Which is definitely not what I want to hear.

What has been y'all's experiences? Also sorry if my pronouns seem confusing, my friend prefers they/them and it can take getting used to for some people.

[Help] Does the type of calories you ingest matter?
/u/elizasbreath [162cm| CW 47.5kg | GW: 45kg | -14kg I 18F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 09:15:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qko3j/does_the_type_of_calories_you_ingest_matter/

[Help] Low calorie school lunch ideas?
Created: Mon Jan 15 09:07:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qklul/low_calorie_school_lunch_ideas/
Do you guys have any easy low calorie school lunch ideas? School lunch at my school is shit and so overpriced. Plus I can’t get an accurate count. Usually I’ll pack a sandwich and 2 pieces of fruit, but I’d love to hear your ideas.

[Rant/Rave] I've put on a total of 8 pounds
Created: Mon Jan 15 09:06:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qklsy/ive_put_on_a_total_of_8_pounds/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling shit
Created: Mon Jan 15 08:49:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qkhhd/feeling_shit/
I have no friends. I have two people who I consider friends however it isn't mutual and today I've completely fucked it all up with them . It was inevitable I've been a shit friend and annoying and inconvenience and a burden to them for too long and today I've pissed them off and there's no reason for them to ever come back to me. I don't blame them I wouldn't want to be my friend. It's made me purge 5 times today and now I'm really not feeling good both physically along with mentally. I am already a self destructive person but being home alone especially today with my thoughts has been rough. Nothing feels right and nothing feels worth it. I'm at my lowest weight but couldn't be more unhappy. In addition even though my BMI is 17 I still have to drop more weight to be considered "underweight" as I'm 16. I don't understand why being underweight is validating for me but I don't understand any if this. Just feeling fucked off and drained physically and mentally. I don't deserve friends and I definitely don't deserve food.
Sorry to anyone that's reading this I know I'm annoying and dramatic but there you go hate me I hate me too

[Rant/Rave] I just binge ate 200g of raw Spinach
/u/DontMindMeJustBingin [183cm/6'0" | 58kg/128lbs | 16.64 | GW 58kg/128lbs | M]
Created: Mon Jan 15 08:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qkha6/i_just_binge_ate_200g_of_raw_spinach/
Dunno whether to go to the hospital now or to do an AMA 😂

[Rant/Rave] This community is the best
Created: Mon Jan 15 08:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qkb4y/this_community_is_the_best/
Seriously. I posted on something else, and not only were the responses unhelpful, some were down right cruel. Someone saw my profile pic and then called me a streetwalker. So thank you for being the best place on reddit. I love you all.

[Rant/Rave] Just need to vent
Created: Mon Jan 15 07:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qjzs6/just_need_to_vent/

[Discussion] January 15th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 05:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qjfgo/january_15th_2018_question_of_the_day/
On a scale of 1 - 10, how was (is) your lunch today?

Considering I’m finally eating lunch probably a 10 😂

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 15, 2018
Created: Mon Jan 15 05:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qjbgh/weekly_stats_update_january_15_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for January 15, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 15, 2018
Created: Mon Jan 15 05:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qjbfr/daily_food_diary_january_15_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 15, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Well, I wanted people to notice, and now they have and it's a train wreck...
/u/whatsupbuttercup5 [5'3" | CW 93.4 | BMI 16.5 | UGW 88 | HW 126 | 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 04:34:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qj5ck/well_i_wanted_people_to_notice_and_now_they_have/
This is a perfect case of be careful what you wish for. People finally noticed my weight loss. I had to have my semesterly meeting with my faculty advisor and she told me other faculty members have picked up on it and were coming to her out of concern. Side note, they all work in medicine (they're all physician assistants) so they are pretty well-versed in EDs.

It was the most awkward meeting of my life. She basically said they can't stop me self-destructing, but that it could become a problem in my clinical year (starting in May) if I physically can't keep up with a rotation. And that my weight is so suspicious people might question my clinical judgment, which makes me feel like crap because now I'm wondering if the faculty (whose opinions I actually respect and care about) questions my judgment. I want them to think highly of me, and now I feel like I've lost that.

Knowing that they talk about me and my body when I'm not around is humiliating. I know they think of it more as a medical issue and not a personal failing, but I don't want them to think less of me or that I'm not capable. I also don't know which of them knows or went to her about it, so now I have an added layer of paranoia.

I'm afraid this will actually stop my progression to clinical year, though she told me not to worry about it. It's an added stress on top of all the other stress.

[Help] BMI calculator that considers age?
Created: Mon Jan 15 04:24:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qj3ws/bmi_calculator_that_considers_age/
I’m 16 and find that the NHS BMI calculator (that considers age) gives me different stats from other online ones i’ve tried (which don’t consider age) but the NHS one doesn’t give me an actual BMI just what health range i’m in. Wondering if there’s any other BMI calculators that you know that consider age or if you know the different boundaries for what’s considered a healthy weight and underweight in regards to height for “children”. Help appreciated 💖💖

[Discussion] Would an ECA stack make me less anxious than an EC stack?
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Mon Jan 15 04:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qj2g5/would_an_eca_stack_make_me_less_anxious_than_an/

[Discussion] I hate my boobs. DAE understand this?
Created: Mon Jan 15 03:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qiswg/i_hate_my_boobs_dae_understand_this/

I’ve commented a few times on this sub but this is my first post, so hi!

I am an 18 year old female and have had disordered eating since i was 6 or 7 years old, diagnosed with an ED when I was 12.

I’m half Puerto Rican which has given me these huge fucking boobs. I know a lot of girls wish they had bigger boobs and that guys “love huge tits” or what-the-fuck-ever, but I HATE mine. Even at my lowest weight (which was two years ago, 90lbs at 5’3) my boobs were at least a B or C cup which is fucking RIDICULOUS when the rest of my body looked skeletal. Currently I believe I’m at about 120lbs and my boobs are in D cups.

I feel like such a fat fucking failure so I always try to hide my body in huge shirts/sweaters, but since my boobs are so big it makes my clothes hang out farther than the rest of my body, making it look like I could be bigger than I actually am which terrifies me.

Does anyone else experience this or have any comments or something?

**Please reply. It’s 5am and I haven’t slept in a couple of days and I’ve been fasting for two days and can’t stop thinking about either every wrong choice I’ve made or obsessing over food.

Edit: also adding that I was fat as a child and bullied for it by peers and family who would both point out that I had boobs even though I was really young. Maybe that’s why I get so conscious of them. I remember one time in middle school a boy made up a rumor that I stuffed my bra and everyone made fun of me and it made me so ashamed that my boobs were even big enough to look like I was trying to make them bigger.

[Rant/Rave] videogaming is making things worse
/u/tarantulahospital [5'7 | -40lb | F]
Created: Mon Jan 15 02:38:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qion3/videogaming_is_making_things_worse/

[Rant/Rave] I am a selfish and terrible person. I want to blame the ED but what if I am just a shitty person
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Mon Jan 15 02:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qijpt/i_am_a_selfish_and_terrible_person_i_want_to/
On mobile flair as rant/rave. Thank you lovely mods

So where do I begin. I am sort of in a relationship with an FA (read as fat activist or fat-ass...like they are big) and I feel like I am sort of trapped. I might post this to r/relationships too.

I like their personality to some extent and how they try hard to validate me and my queer/nonbinary identity. They are supportive and kind and even let me stay at their apartment when things aren't well at my home. They tell me the love me and I just kind of parrot it back because on new years eve I drunkly said I loved them.

They know I have/had an ED. They also sort of have one. They over eat a lot. They hate healthy foods like fruits and veggies. They are proud of eating a lot of carbs and sugar. They eat whole boxes of kraft Mac and cheese every day with liberal amounts of butter and cheese.

So there is the background information.

I feel trapped because we are both bipolar. They are medicated and I am not. They have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks around relationships and in general. They are needy and seem to always want me around. I guess I would like them more if I wasn't so upset with how they treated their body. I guess I am one one to talk. We are opposite sides of the same coin. They eat too much and I just have a complicated relationship with food. I feel like I am playing with fire and walking on egg shells with them. Like I am opening myself to be manipulated.

Here is where I am the bad person. They motivate me to prove how sick I am. When they eat a ton I want to eat next to nothing. I want to stop cooking for them and not encourage their unhealthy behavior. I want them to want to lose weight. I want them to feel bad for being how that are. I want them to see me suffer.

They refuse to see doctors for any minor to moderate issues because they don't want to be told to lose weight when they really should. Its a shame because they are smart and want to be a biologist and are looking at masters programs but I feel like the world won't take them seriously because the world is shallow and apparently I am too. I like how interest they seem in me but honestly from their face down I don't have much physical attraction.

I still have feelings for my ex, the only person I feel like I could love. They weren't skinny but they did want to be healthier and that was something. Everything just kind of collapsed over Thanksgiving when they got anxiety and stopped talking to me while we were long distance and decided they didn't want me in their life after 5 years together. I keep holding on to them wanting me back in the future months to a year from now when I have my shit together.

For the time being I just have this rebound that I don't expect to to more then a few months if they don't decide to lose weight or try to be healthier. It's not enjoyable being with some who can barely have sex (I do all the work), is out of breath and sweaty all the time, can't shop at normal stores for clothes, who doesn't even try to be healthy, hates walking or active activities because of chronic pain that wouldn't be their if they were bigger.

I just look at it as a poor investment. If I wanted this person for long term that wouldn't be long for them because their weight puts a tremendous strain on their life and life expectancy.

So I feel terrible..

[Rant/Rave] Wish I had a different ED
Created: Mon Jan 15 01:58:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qiire/wish_i_had_a_different_ed/
I *know* that all eating disorders are bad, but I wish I had the restraint that Ana does or the power that Mia has to at least counter some of the calories taken in a binge. My lard ass just binges all the time. I can't even restrict to a "normal" amount of calories without losing control and shoving everything I can in my mouth. I've tried various ways of purging, all to no success.

At least if my ED consisted of anything else, I'd be skinny or at least skinnier than my current blimp self.

[Help] Plateau
/u/dino_bones72 [5’3” | 130lbs | 22 | 13lbs | Female ]
Created: Mon Jan 15 01:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qihda/plateau/
So, with some variances day to day, I’ve run at a daily deficit of 700 for the last 4 weeks but my weight hasn’t shifted. It’s hovered between 59.3kg and 58.9kg. My CGW is 55kg, with my next goal at 50kg and will re-evaluate then. Any ideas? It’s driving me mad

[Rant/Rave] welp
/u/waitupana [15M | 147cm (4'10)]
Created: Mon Jan 15 00:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qi9rf/welp/

medicare in australia only covers $110 of therapy sessions, and the place i got referred to is $240/session

i mean mum is willing to pay but fucking dumbass government "hurr durr we're gonna stop indexing the rebate for inflation"

well I mean other therapists don't charge that much but this is the one I got referred to and I haven't even acknowledged that I have an issue

I was referred because of my food diary for the hospital having grams ill probably end up dying from this shit when i give in and start restricting again but i dont care anymore

[Other] Goodbye.
Created: Mon Jan 15 00:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qi15d/goodbye/

[Rant/Rave] Attempting recovery and so damn sick of it.
/u/accordingtoging [5'9" | 135 | 19.5 | -40 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 23:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qhsx3/attempting_recovery_and_so_damn_sick_of_it/
I’m ending my fifth day of my DIY recovery, and it fucking sucks. I’m exhausted emotionally and in pain physically and every time I look in a mirror I hate myself more than before. My boyfriend keeps saying recovering is better than getting worse, but right now I’m seriously disagreeing. All recovery has done is make me fat, tired, and depressed. So tomorrow I’m eating at most oatmeal in the morning and nothing else. The amount I hate myself right now does not feel worth the eventual slight improvement in health.

[Help] ugh I just keep binging cause I’m so emotional :( I can’t exercise either and that’s the worst.. advice for how to stop emotional eating?
Created: Sun Jan 14 23:09:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qhsmr/ugh_i_just_keep_binging_cause_im_so_emotional_i/

[Tip] What will my body look like after a ten day fast??
Created: Sun Jan 14 22:31:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qhm2v/what_will_my_body_look_like_after_a_ten_day_fast/

[Discussion] Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels
Created: Sun Jan 14 21:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qh9pn/nothing_tastes_as_good_as_skinny_feels/
This quote seriously becomes more real to me everyday. I hate food and I feel so much happier not eating and starving. I can't talk to anyone else about this and am so happy to have this a community who understands this.

[Rant/Rave] When all else fails at least I can be skinny
/u/autotrapqueen [5'7.5| CW 131.8 | 20.19 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 20:46:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qh2s6/when_all_else_fails_at_least_i_can_be_skinny/
I’m not that pretty. Im doing fine in school but I’m not that smart or that hard of a worker and am scared of how much longer I can keep faking that I belong in my program. I have no energy and I’m socially awkward and have a plethora of mental health issues and a 4 year relationship that’s been doomed from the start and is failing at an exponential rate and I’ve just been numbing myself with alcohol and sleep.

Maybe I’m not a good girlfriend but at least I’m good at starving myself. I may not have a pretty face but at least I’m skinny. I may always isolated myself and cut out good people from my life but at least I’m able to go to bed with an empty stomach.

I may have been hurt so many times and been put through so much absolute bullshit and trauma but at least I’ve numbed myself to it. I put all my energy toward being skinny because at least I’m good at that.

[Discussion] college psychological services?
Created: Sun Jan 14 19:19:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qgl7m/college_psychological_services/
i have an appointment on tues with my schools psychological services. i put down that i am struggling with depression (probably not true) and mood swings (true) but did not mention anything eating disorder related.

i’m assuming i’d get a bulimia diagnosis (although i didn’t purge from mid august to october and didn’t resume purging 1+/week until mid november). i have lost maybe 4lbs but would tell then i’ve gained (my bmi currently is 20 so i have like 10lbs i can loose ‘safely’ or whatever).

anyway a relapse that has been going on since jan 2017 has gotten exponentially worse since after my brief college induced hiatus. i am afraid that i’ll continue to spiral at school also i’m super moody/bitchy because of food/weight stuff on top of being lowkey a bitch normally and i’m pretty apathetic/numb/sad otherwise so.

point is: should i tell the counselor about my ed behaviors? should i just focus on the self esteem/mood swings/apathy? i want to stop b/p’ing but i don’t want to gain weight (and i want to loose another 15lbs) but i am. not historically great at restricting and also my digestive system probably is out of commission for a little while due to laxatives/purging and my body/brain definitely aren’t at peak performance / i might be anemic or whateverBUT

holy shit this is so long.

tldr; going to student health, should i let them know about bulimic behaviors or just focus on other issues (behind the binging perhaps?) any experiences w/ college services and or therapy in general sorry for long post ahh

edit: for clarity on how much ed effects my life, i b/p 1-2 times a day despite moderate attempts to not do so. cannot s*** w/o lax. have stopped hobbies/being productive and b/p whenever i am free for long enough time. behaviors extremely obvious to family who have not confronted me because it’s Awkward

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else fast bc they're broke?
Created: Sun Jan 14 19:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qghv3/does_anyone_else_fast_bc_theyre_broke/
I'm a broke college student and most of the time the main reason I dont eat is because I have to spend my money on more important things.. I live with my grandparents who stock their kitchen with nothing but junk food so I tell myself that I can only eat things I buy.

Today I spent the last $3 I had on cat food. At least he is happy.

And because I never eat, I sleep a lot. So whenever they go out to eat or order something or whatever, they never see if I'm awake and ask me to go with them, they just assume I'm not and leave. There have been a few times that they'll text me and ask but my phone just got shut off.. They won't take 2 seconds to come to my room and see me.

Sorry about this being random and probably no one will relate but it's what I'm feeling right now as I watch them drive away to go get dinner. Once they leave I'll probably just go get some toast maybe.

[Help] I drank a whole bottle of wine and I feel disgusting
/u/myrtlewils0n [5'4 ☾ hw:141 ☾ cw:125 ☾ gw:108 ☾ 21F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 18:58:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qggwv/i_drank_a_whole_bottle_of_wine_and_i_feel/
How do y'all not let alcohol fuck you over? The only time I don't worry about my ED is when I drink but suddenly I've gotten really paranoid about drinking and tonight I drank a whole bottle of wine and overshot my calorie goal and kinda wanna die or at least purge lmao

[Discussion] Low cal recipes?
/u/cancookaroast [179cm | CW: 80kg | BMI: 24.9 | WL: 17kg | 22F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 18:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qgfxq/low_cal_recipes/
Can you guys suggest any yum recipes that are easy to make a lot of at a time but would be 100-250 calories/serve? I'm so sick of eating the same thing

I really don't like cooking so I tend to meal prep. Thanks heaps 💖

[Rant/Rave] Depression is fuel
Created: Sun Jan 14 18:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qg7n9/depression_is_fuel/
I’ve had a pretty bad week. In turn I’m finally restricting again, which I had a hard time doing lately, especially because my boyfriend was not about it. Now he won’t speak to me, and I completely want to die, but I haven’t eaten in 3 days. The only time I can control myself is when I’m desperate and alone. I’m hungry right now, but I want to see if I can make it a week before I eat, because then I know I can probably make it another week. I guess I just want something to be proud of.

[Rant/Rave] Cant vomit anymore
Created: Sun Jan 14 17:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qg0nh/cant_vomit_anymore/
ffs. so i used to throw up my food a lot and then i "got better" when i got a boyfriend and actual friends and all that shit. when i started college some girls in my dorm had EDs which made me relapse which im happy about which i know is fucked. The break from throwing up has (i think) made it impossible to throw up. Ive even tried eating body butter (which i would not reccommend because it is vile). I think maybe im struggling because the only tome slot i have to throw up is late at night because people are often chilling in my room after i eat and the toilet is in an en suite. My friends are out tomorrow and if i cant throw up in that time slot idk what ill do because i have a doctors appointment on the 7th Feb and then ill have (or want to, can you imagine?) stop. Advice is welcome however I doubt ive not tried it. SMH.

[Discussion] Daylio mood and activity tracker
/u/lil_meowjito [5'1 🐷 | CW: 107.2| GW1: 95 | 🍑: meowjito]
Created: Sun Jan 14 16:40:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qfmz3/daylio_mood_and_activity_tracker/
I first heard about the Daylio app from an AskReddit thread. Each day you input your mood (1) awful to (5) rad along with any interesting activities and notes. The best part is that you can create your own "[activities](https://imgur.com/a/8iwdt)" and the app with tell you what activities are associated with certain moods. For example, I have created binging and fasting activities along with some other personal activities like quality time with my cats. I look forward to making a "whooooosh" activity but I'm not quite there yet but I'm sure some of you are! At the end of the month, the app can calculate your average mood which is pretty cool and you can see how many times you've done each activity like total # of binges.

This is a great way to do some electronic mood tracking if you can't keep up with paper bullet journals like me because you can set a notification reminder for yourself.

[Other] Happy 18th Birthday to me, I guess.
Created: Sun Jan 14 16:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qfhoo/happy_18th_birthday_to_me_i_guess/

[Other] Nothing like a good food haul! Details in comments
Created: Sun Jan 14 16:01:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qfebl/nothing_like_a_good_food_haul_details_in_comments/

[Other] Nothing like a good food haul!!
Created: Sun Jan 14 16:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qfe47/nothing_like_a_good_food_haul/

[Rant/Rave] Dad says I eat too much
Created: Sun Jan 14 15:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qf5za/dad_says_i_eat_too_much/
Yep as the title says, my dad says I eat too much. He know I have had disordered eating in the past but he doesn’t know it’s come back worse than ever—I’m probably anorexic at this point? And I only ate 347 cals today because I’m sick (with a cold, but i guess the ED counts) so that really fucking hurt.

Now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and never eat again. I need some kind words, friends. :(

I think I’m gonna hole up in my room and trigger myself so I skip dinner :(

What do you do when you're not consumed by the crushing weight of your ED? Aka tell me about your hobbies!
Created: Sun Jan 14 15:17:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qf466/what_do_you_do_when_youre_not_consumed_by_the/
Are you a Frisbee champion? Do you collect vintage hubcaps? Are you obsessed with 90s J-horror?

[Goal] A small milestone achieved!
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5" | CW 😱 | -25.2lbs]
Created: Sun Jan 14 15:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qf45g/a_small_milestone_achieved/

[Goal] There is a weight loss challenge at work that I joined.
/u/Just_a_Paper_Bag [5'8" | F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 14:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qez0e/there_is_a_weight_loss_challenge_at_work_that_i/
Lol, these mother fuckers think this is a game?! I live for this. I will win.

No one is taking it seriously, eating fast food and doing nothing different.

The prize is a paid day off.

I've never been this excited and determined in my life and I'm fat enough right now to not raise any eyebrows.

I just had to share with you guys - you guys get it better than anyone else does.

[Discussion] Renpho scale
Created: Sun Jan 14 14:49:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qexgw/renpho_scale/
Does anyone have this scale? I got this scale in the mail today and I really like it! However, I’m confused as to how they calculate the ideal body weight. My BMI is within a healthy range, but it says my weight is too heavy.
Does anyone have any ideas about this?
Thank you so much!

[Discussion] Weird question: are there any other ministers here?
Created: Sun Jan 14 14:28:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qes83/weird_question_are_there_any_other_ministers_here/

[Help] Fainting
Created: Sun Jan 14 14:24:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qer9u/fainting/
How do you avoid passing out? Like I know it happens and you can’t really control it, but is there a way to curve it?

[Discussion] Who else is a struggling college student?
/u/cloudy_gaze [5'3.5" | 94lbs | 16.4 |20F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 14:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qeqms/who_else_is_a_struggling_college_student/
It's so hard. Between the depression and the ED, I've become so withdrawn. I had a 4.0 last quarter but I can't even bring myself to start studying or open my textbooks.

I really don't want help, though.

[Help] How much water do I need to drink to compensate for the candy I just ate??
Created: Sun Jan 14 13:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qeayy/how_much_water_do_i_need_to_drink_to_compensate/

[Discussion] Moderation isn’t satisfying once you’ve mastered the extremes
Created: Sun Jan 14 13:15:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qeamo/moderation_isnt_satisfying_once_youve_mastered/
Now that I’m overweight, not underweight

Now that I’m sedentary, not very active

Now that I’m “healthy”, not athletic

Now that it’s .25 miles, not 5

Now that the size 6/8 isn’t zipping, not staying on the rack while I see if the 2 will be too big

Now that the scale ruins my week, not makes my day

Every “good” choice feels like a failure because I’m too fat/out of shape for it to be effective. Is it ED I’m fighting or a lack of discipline? Should I eat less to FIGHT the ED voice because it tells me to self sabotage, or should I EAT MORE to fight the desire to restrict?

Anxiety and self hatred when I want to turn down the second piece of cake but don’t because “that’s restricting” even though actually cannot resist the second piece and will eat 2 more.

Shame and disappointment when I can barely run a quarter mile on the treadmill because it doesn’t give me the high that 20 minutes at 7.5mph used to

Moderation isn’t satisfying after you’ve lost yourself in the extremes (good and bad)

How do you believe in yourself when you’ve watched yourself fail so much

[Goal] Mini goals?
Created: Sun Jan 14 13:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qe9ei/mini_goals/

[Other] A is for Abilify, an ED alphabet
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 29F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 12:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qe57n/a_is_for_abilify_an_ed_alphabet/




Eating Disorder

Fantasizing, Fasting

Goal weight

Highest weight



Kale chips

Lexapro, Latuda, Lamictal

Monotony, MFP




Quest Bars




Ultimate goal weight




Yellow American Spirits

Zero (Coke, size, calories), Zoloft

Help me out I got stuck on a few! Edit: I'll keep updating when I get some more suggestions!

[Help] can't stop squeezing at my skin
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Sun Jan 14 12:21:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdx9e/cant_stop_squeezing_at_my_skin/
Or feeling the way my tummy feels in pants or the way my thighs touch when I stand up or how fat and jiggly my ass is or the way my arms brush against my shirts holy fuck!!!! This is dabilitating!!! I feel like I'm drowning in myself and I can hardly focus on school or work and my brain is convinced that everyone I care about is going to hate me if I eat anything and I'm so scared and I cry anytime I eat anything and oh god fuck help

[Discussion] January 14th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 12:20:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdx01/january_14th_2018_question_of_the_day/
Are you a leader or a follower?

[Help] Is it safe to take 2 dulcolax at once?
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 133.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 12:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdt9r/is_it_safe_to_take_2_dulcolax_at_once/
Hey guys, I tried taking 1 yesterday around 3pm and it didn't work. It's been almost 24 hours since I took it, so I just took 2 more hoping I'll see some results tonight or tomorrow morning. Is it okay that I did that? This is not even an ED related thing, this is just me being uncomfortably constipated for 4 days.

Edit: Hahaha, you know my new miracle ADD med that was completely taking away my appetite? One of the common side effects is constipation. Stopping this ASAP. Fuck that

[Discussion] Liquid vs Solid Calories?
Created: Sun Jan 14 11:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdrxx/liquid_vs_solid_calories/
What’s the difference between drinking 800 and eating 800? Lately I’ve been only been drinking my calories, like have coffee and juices. So what happens to those calories? Or is drinking 1000 better than eating 800? I feel like when I do this I feel less bad about all the calories and how full I am. What do you guys think?

[Discussion] DAE treat weight loss as post-high school revenge?
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | CW: 120 | GW: small | F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 11:41:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdnti/dae_treat_weight_loss_as_posthigh_school_revenge/
Spoiler alert: everyone gains weight after high school, for some reason. Regardless of whether or not you go on to study at a university/college, you *will* be affected by the freshman 15.

I've observed this the past few years (Facebook and otherwise), ever since I graduated. Pretty much everyone who "peaked" in high school has packed on the pounds. This fuels my ED like crazy because I think I'm still stuck on winning against those people and being better than they are. They made my life living hell senior year, and the way I'm coping with it now is to lose weight so I feel like *I'm* the one who's "peaking" now. *I won.*

Joke's on me, though--even though I'm 10 lbs lighter than I was at graduation, I'm insanely less happy. But my ED brain conveniently ignores this.

[Help] Hi everyone this is a triggering post
Created: Sun Jan 14 11:18:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdibt/hi_everyone_this_is_a_triggering_post/

[Rant/Rave] Can't stop binging, what else is new
Created: Sun Jan 14 11:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qdgvj/cant_stop_binging_what_else_is_new/
I've been nonstop binging for a week. I always wake up thinking "today is the day!" but then immediately eat everything in sight. I moved back in with my parents and they buy so much junk food, it's unreal. I'm getting to the point where I want to beg them to stop buying food as much because I can't stop, and they rarely eat it anyway.

It's funny because I'll be like, "I need to restrict because it's the only thing that gives my life meaning. Binging is going to make me kill myself, so I need this." and then I'll instantly sabotage myself. What the fuck.

[Discussion] What do you think about pro Ana WhatsApp groups?
Created: Sun Jan 14 10:43:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qd9qg/what_do_you_think_about_pro_ana_whatsapp_groups/

[Tip] Intermittent fasting is really helping me cope and I want to share with people who understand
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 117 | F | 👽]
Created: Sun Jan 14 10:15:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qd348/intermittent_fasting_is_really_helping_me_cope/
Obviously this is not the end-all-be-all solution for everyone, or even for me, but I've been doing 16:8 intermittent fasting and it is really helping me for a lot of reasons:

1. Having the fasting period gives me a reason to not just eat when I'm bored. I'm practicing patience and being uncomfortable and it is rewarding.

2. When I eat during my window, I feel less guilt over it. I'm orthorexic and am trying to maintain muscle mass and be healthy and strong, so this is very important to me. It's helping me cope with being obsessive and neurotic while still reaching my goals, and I feel good about it.

3. My window is 2pm-10pm. I live with 7 other people and these are the times when I am typically around them, so they see me eat all of my food typically, so no one will suspect if I am having issues. If they do, I can spout intermittent fasting logic at them to seem healthy and not disordered.

4. It is helping me pay more attention to my body and recognize when I need food and when I don't. Fasting for 16 hours is not going to hurt me, and makes it easier to say no when I want to bored-eat, or when someone offers me baked goods or some bullshit.

Rules and routines are so helpful to me. I know this may not help everyone and I hope it's not too triggering, but I wanted to share. Maybe it's just hypomania but idk I am feeling pretty positive about my life choices right now.

[Help] What kind of physical or specialist should I consider seeing?
Created: Sun Jan 14 09:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qcynp/what_kind_of_physical_or_specialist_should_i/

[Rant/Rave] This sub is so triggering for me 😭
Created: Sun Jan 14 09:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qcwwx/this_sub_is_so_triggering_for_me/
I first started coming to this sub months ago to fuel my disorder, when I would get relaxed and not too fucked up I would come here for motivation.

Now I am so comfortable here and this is pretty much my only use for reddit but it is honestly so depressing to me. I love having this community of people who understand but at the same time it makes me realize how fucked I am and how much worse I’ll likely get.

I try to stay away but in my free time I can’t help it. Right now I am convinced if I lose 10lbs and get to 95 then I’ll start to recover and maintain but it makes me so sad knowing that likely won’t be the case. It makes me so sad seeing people dealing with this for 10+ years and I am so afraid that will be me.

[Rant/Rave] Rant - I want to be “healthy” but I also want to be small
Created: Sun Jan 14 09:27:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qcrzd/rant_i_want_to_be_healthy_but_i_also_want_to_be/
So I’ve been maintaining 105-110 for a while now... I’m 5’6 so that technically makes me underweight. I restricted really heavily around the time of my graduation (last month) and got down a little lower so that I could look nice in my dress... my family got very concerned especially when I constantly complained that I was cold. My mom thinks I’m anemic. She could be right. I can no longer run long distances because I’m too weak and I can no longer fit into women’s clothes (have to wear juniors or children’s).

My family keeps pushing and pushing for me to go to the doctor but I already know what the doctor will say... gain some weight.

So I decided to take it upon myself to gain a LITTLE bit of weight so that I don’t feel so damn unhealthy and cold all the time.

Here’s the thing... I CAN eat normally. Hell I can gorge myself in an entire pizza and feel OK. Until the next day that is. When I see the consequences I freak the fuck out. I was 115 this morning and that was my goal! That’s considered healthy for my height but damn I feel sooooo fucking fat. I can’t be 115... I just can’t let myself. I feel like my stomach bulges out and my pants fit tighter... I just feel straight up gross. Ugh. Idk wtf to do. Does anyone else have the problem of wanting to be healthy but also wanting to keep looking thin and small?

[Rant/Rave] Me and my friend are the same size but only I’m fat
Created: Sun Jan 14 09:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qcput/me_and_my_friend_are_the_same_size_but_only_im_fat/
I don’t get it. When I look at her I think she looks fine, even skinny sometimes. Her clothes fit me just fine, some of them even with a lot of room. She’s just a little bit taller, her legs are much skinnier but her trousers fit me as well. But I’m huge. She’s not. How.

[Help] Calorie estimate?
Created: Sun Jan 14 09:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qcp87/calorie_estimate/

[Rant/Rave] Function vs aesthetic
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 121 | GW 108 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 08:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qcezt/function_vs_aesthetic/
I'm gaining muscle in my thighs from unicycling (RIP thigh gap: 2015-2017) and lots of upper-body and core strength from learning to play [sousaphone](https://www.princeton.edu/pr/home/03/0707_orange/sousaphone.jpg) (a ~40 pound brass instrument) for marching band. When I started college, my initial goal was to lose the weight I packed on from a 6mo+ binge cycle, use my newfound independence to take total control of my eating, and get down to my GW once and for all. This is the first time that I've fallen in love with any physical activity since my ED started, and I'm struggling to reconcile my need for the scale to go down with my desire to fully experience these things that I love.

[Other] Antidepressants and binging
/u/silkangels [169 cm | CW:54 kg | GW:45 kg]
Created: Sun Jan 14 08:25:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qceke/antidepressants_and_binging/
Has anyone else experienced this? I'm taking clomipramine for depression and anxiety and it puts me in this weird mood where I don't care how much I eat until after I've eaten everything in the kitchen. So basically now I'm even more depressed than I was before I started therapy lol.

[Rant/Rave] I don't want to leave my house anymore.
Created: Sun Jan 14 07:31:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qc4gs/i_dont_want_to_leave_my_house_anymore/
I've been religiously staying under my 600 a day calorie limit for weeks until last night. My friends threw a party and even though I wasn't drinking (because I was avoiding the calories) I ended up binging on cupcakes and all the other snacks they had. I don't even like cake I just couldn't stop. I just want to stay at home forever where there's no food to binge on and no social pressure to eat. As an added bonus then no one can see how disgustingly fat I am.

[Rant/Rave] Went out for breakfast and ate more calories than I was planning to
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Sun Jan 14 07:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qc1ni/went_out_for_breakfast_and_ate_more_calories_than/
I went for breakfast with my girlfriend this morning with the intention of getting pancakes, turns out the place we went no longer does pancakes so I got a traditional breakfast, it was 907 calories guys and I'm not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand it's good in terms of recovery on the other I don't even know if I'm ready, I didn't eat till 7pm last night, when I ate sushi rice then I ate like 6 shortbread, 5 teaspoons of ice cream and 8 squares of chocolate along with two glasses of Tia Maria and diet coke, like fuck.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 14, 2018
Created: Sun Jan 14 05:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qbjfb/daily_food_diary_january_14_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 14, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Jan 14 05:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qbjci/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

[Discussion] DAE eat whatever they want as long as they stay in their calorie amount?
/u/lunamoon1 [165.5cm | cw: 107.5| lw: 93lbs |20f]
Created: Sun Jan 14 04:45:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qbg0i/dae_eat_whatever_they_want_as_long_as_they_stay/
I don’t know if I’m the only one but I’m a low restrictior but for example; I’m allowed under 400 cals a day and if that 400 calories was spent on fast food, for me it doesn’t matter as long as I eat under my calorie/carb amount.

I still have fear foods but allow myself to eat some of what I want as long as I’m restricting

[Rant/Rave] ZzzQuil gives me nightmares
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Sun Jan 14 04:20:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qbcz9/zzzquil_gives_me_nightmares/

[Rant/Rave] Discovered today that I’ve been abusing an oft-overlooked laxative: coffee. 💩
/u/Profeshed [5'6 | 141 | GW: 118 | WG +10 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 01:06:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qapcm/discovered_today_that_ive_been_abusing_an/
TMI warning etc

I had the worst bloating all week (I haven’t been restricting at all, just maintenance or slight overeating for a while). I could barely poop, and when I did, it like like maybe 10% of what was there. I was starting to worry I had some bacterial imbalance or impaction, because even my most trusty super aloe gentle laxative and suppositories barely made a move. I even downed a lb of cherries (which have wrecked me in the past) and it helped halfway. So I went all health nut and changed up my diet: I started drinking enough water, cut all diet sodas, and starting eating like 80% prebiotic and probiotic foods with a proper amount of fiber etc. And that barely made a dent.

Finally, this morning, I had my first cup of coffee in a week. Now, I’ve been a one cup of latte in the morning kind of girl most of my life, and I’ll occasionally take a caffeine break if I’ve had a week or so of taking some pre-workout or having my coffee a little late in the day. So I didn’t think anything of this, I had not even realized that there was or could be any sort of connection...

...until about 30 minutes later when the clocks started ticking again and I ended up going 💩 3 times. My stomach is starting to look normal again and I feel like a million bucks.

Guess I can’t ever give up coffee now 🤷‍♀️

[Tip] Oatmeal hack :)
/u/Profeshed [5'6 | 141 | GW: 118 | WG +10 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jan 14 00:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qao0k/oatmeal_hack/
If you have extra time, I found a way to make oatmeal with wayyyy more water but even thicker and more filling than you could imagine.

Soak *rolled* oats in liquid of your choice, 1 part oats to 3 parts liquid overnight in the fridge (I’ve left it untouched for 3 days at this point and it’s just as good, haven’t tested longer though).

Next day, cook the oats until they boil for a few minutes and thicken. They’re nice and thick at this point, and not only have you added more water than you could add to instant oats for the same texture, but they’re also heartier and and easier to digest since you’ve soaked the oats.

Even better, make a large batch and let the rest chill in your fridge overnight. And whaddaya know, the oats are now almost twice as thick. Reheat and add your liquid to your hearts desire.

It’s awesome.

Another tip: use a liquid with a lot of protein (like milk) or stir in whey after you heat it, and you’ll be full for ages.

-Oats are very filling and satiating
-they contain prebiotic fiber, which is the food that the healthy probiotics in your Gut feed on. This healthy bacteria that supports you being all lean and healthy. Prebiotic foods are GREAT

[Other] Who else can almost taste or smell an exact meal when fasting?
Created: Sat Jan 13 23:18:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qaanl/who_else_can_almost_taste_or_smell_an_exact_meal/
Doing the coconut oil fast. I fucking smell mac and cheese right now. I could swear it's right in front of me😩

[Discussion] DAE throw away alot of food?
Created: Sat Jan 13 22:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qa6ed/dae_throw_away_alot_of_food/
I live with my family and my mom frequently makes high calorie foods drenched in oil like fried chicken, and also bakes alot. As a result I've started to throw away all the leftovers so I don't feel tempted, and no one has noticed so I'll keep doing it. I think this is for the best though because my dad is near obese and its because of his late night fridge raids, but he hasn't lost weight.

[Rant/Rave] I ate an entire head of cabbage because ED makes me do stupid things.
/u/hanabira [5"1 🌼 120 🌼 100 🌼 22F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 22:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7qa1yk/i_ate_an_entire_head_of_cabbage_because_ed_makes/
I don’t even like cabbage.

But the entire head was 175kcal and I only had 200kcal left after eating some coconut oil baked sweet potatoes (my weakness) and I was so fucking hungry after restricting all week.

I’m feeling so uncomfortably full and disgusting but at least I’m still undereating by half of my “daily” calories. Eating 1200 is unnecessary when you can feel stuffed by eating an ENTIRE FUCKING head of cabbage amirite

tfw #JustEDThings 🙄

[Discussion] Safe food exchange: What's your top five safe/unsafe??
/u/tahiniii [68" | 145 | 22 | -5 | 24F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 21:06:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q9o1b/safe_food_exchange_whats_your_top_five_safeunsafe/
I love these safe food threads because they give me ideas to add variety to mine! Feel like I'm always eating the same thing over and over...here is my list of what I feel most assured when eating and what I almost panic over from eating.

My safe ones are:

1. Sushi Chef white miso soup packets (45) are literally my life's blood.
2. Koyo brand packaged ramen (210) maybe with spinach, snow pea or arugula (230-250)
3. An entire avocado with salt / pepper (350ish)
4. Sliced tomato with salt and paprika (30ish)
5. Sauteed spinach with a fried egg on top (150-200 cal)
Bonus: Hot sauce to add to anything!!

Safe drinks: Coke Zero Vanilla ~ Spicy V8 ~ Dry white wine ~ Tequila on the rocks ~ Sparkling Water

My unsafe ones that I tend to binge on:

1. Anything with cheese, especially pasta or pizza!!
2. Having a loaf of bread anywhere near me
3. Milk chocolate, especially with nuts
4. French fries/potatoes in general
5. Whipped cream

My extremely unsafe drinks:

1. Starbucks anything
2. Margaritas/cosmopolitans or anything that sour mix might touch
3. Red wine, I feel like I always go home and eat something bad after I drink this.
4. Fruit juice is so addictive
5. Smoothies because they combine fruit juice and the possibility that ice cream will be in it

[Discussion] Lifting & energy
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW: send help GW: 140 | -8lbs | 22/F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 21:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q9nwh/lifting_energy/
Does anyone here lift? I've been going to the gym for a while now doing weights (which has incidentally helped so much with the disorder but I'm having a hard time with the thoughts at the moment) - I've been restricting more heavily than I have in a long time, however my lifts are suffering.

Of course I'm maintaining the numbers, but even that is a struggle. Any tips for not losing all the muscle I worked hard to get while losing the fat?


[Other] It's lonely but it's safe
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 20:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q9mgj/its_lonely_but_its_safe/
I don't need to deal with depression or anxiety or anything else as long as I'm losing weight right

[Discussion] Your kitchen has betrayed you—the ED tip-off edition
Created: Sat Jan 13 20:49:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q9l0s/your_kitchen_has_betrayed_youthe_ed_tipoff_edition/
Things that normal people don’t have in their kitchens:

—a drawer for tea and broth (most people would keep broth near cooking stuff...oils, etc)
—put their snacks in cute jars but also save clippings w/ nutrition info *just in case* the internet is wrong
—leaving mean notes to yourself and forgetting about them later

Obviously the food scale and industrial pack of Coke Zero are suspicious too, but I’ve been cleaning/organizing my kitchen lately and am kinda surprised at all the more subtle signs...

[Discussion] What’s your ED ‘cheat’ or corner-cut?
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 20:30:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q9hda/whats_your_ed_cheat_or_cornercut/
Does anyone else have that one thing they let themselves be a little lazy with? I feel like being mired in this disease can make us so strict and regimented, and even though I think for a lot of us those self-imposed rules are coping mechanisms, it’s hard to be perfect all the time.

For me, it’s spices. I will weigh out my pickles, I will count the calories in my sugar-free gum, I will count Splenda, I will measure spinach to the nearest gram, I will pick the 170 calorie Quest bar over the 180 calorie one. But I will never bother to calculate the calories in my spices. I use a lot of chili powder, cumin, onion powder, garlic powder and cayenne in my cooking and I have never included any of it in my calorie totals. I’m sure it all adds something, but I’d much rather underestimate the calories I burn during exercise by 30% and assume it all evens out.

[Rant/Rave] constantly hitting new lows
Created: Sat Jan 13 19:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q91q2/constantly_hitting_new_lows/

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone here take Latuda?
Created: Sat Jan 13 18:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q90cn/does_anyone_here_take_latuda/
Probably the most frustrating thing about having bipolar disorder isn’t the crazy mood swings, it’s being forced to eat 400 calories at night just so I can take my damn medicine. Can anyone relate??

[Discussion] Uhhh, that moment when you finish a huge purge and then you remember you took your BC not too long before eating... just me?
Created: Sat Jan 13 18:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8rv3/uhhh_that_moment_when_you_finish_a_huge_purge_and/
Like shit?? Was it already absorbed?? Do I need to take another one?? But then I'll be off by 1 pill from my schedule? Oh man lol. Why have I not just got myself a nuva ring or something

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] WHY DO I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Landwhale -18lb | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 18:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8qo6/rantrave_why_do_i_have_no_self_control/

[Rant/Rave] Relapsing, TW :(
Created: Sat Jan 13 18:01:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8omu/relapsing_tw/
I'm new to this subreddit. I just need -- to complain. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral.

I've been in "recovery" for maybe two years now. I was still bordering being underweight.

Long story short, I am now 20 and recently divorced. Yikes, I know. I have also cut contact with almost all my family (except my dad who I have pretty weak relationship with anyway) and have moved state.

I moved in with my two best friends and they feed me so much. I also work as a preschool teacher so I have to eat with my kiddos. ("Family Style" meals.)

Speaking of work, I also have to take pictures and upload them online for the parents every day. My assistant usually takes the photos and regularly takes me in them as well. (For example, I was helping the kids play violin and ended up in the photos.) Photos and mirrors are a huge trigger for me. I have my mirror in my bathroom covered in paper. Seeing myself this regularly in photos makes me want to die. But what can I Do? Seem crazy to my coworkers?

Lastly, I was talking to my dad and mentioned how I feel like I've gained weight. He said I have gained weight -- but it was good because I look healthier. This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I've been restricting hard all week. I feel anxious if I eat over 500 calories. My room mates took me out tonight and we got sushi. I purged all I could when I got home and now I'm back at the gym trying to get rid of the rest.

I can't have my best friend find out. If he sees what I'm doing he'll probably leave me indefinitely. He has been there when I was cutting and drinking excessively. I can't let him see me purging or fasting. But I don't want to stop now. I feel so disgusted. I am literally repulsed by my very being. He will be so disappointed in me.

I feel like I'm regressing. Like I'll never be a healthy, well adjusted adult. I don't see a future for myself at all.

Anyways. Sorry for the buzzkill. I just need to rant, I guess.


[Help] Help!! Finishing a water fast and need to trick my brain into NOT going into binge mode :/
/u/tinyme23 [5'3" | 127 | -45 lbs | F | 🍑: @lemonie]
Created: Sat Jan 13 17:33:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8ivx/help_finishing_a_water_fast_and_need_to_trick_my/
Hey guys,

So I'm on hour 215 of a water fast (I've had tea and vitamin water zero, but nothing caloric) and I'm looking into stopping sometime soon since I have a job that's so important to me and I can't lose it.

I need to trick my brain into not going into "fuck it I'm eating so I might as well binge" mode. I have dialectic affirmations to practice like "you can be maintaining and not restricting so heavily right now AND still be accomplishing your goals more than if you binged" and "you can eat but you don't have to eat everything."

How do you guys come off an extended water fast? I want to be able to take in some calories just to keep my health at a reasonable level that I can a) work and b) fast again in the near future. I am MISERABLE when I am bingeing/gaining, and make stupid decisions that fuck with my life and stability. I'm terrified I am going to fuck up with my black-and-white brain. Any tips? I feel like a really strong strategy for refeed is the only way I can guarantee my success.

[Rant/Rave] mini meltdown
/u/PlanetArkanis [5'8'' | CW ☹ | -52.2lbs | F22]
Created: Sat Jan 13 17:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8gz2/mini_meltdown/
Hey there! I've been lurking this sub for a while (and commented on, like, two posts), but I just needed to vent about something that happened to me earlier because U G H.

I'd decided this morning that I was going to try my best to ignore calories today and just eat what I wanted without stressing (because that always works out, right? Never mind that all I've managed to eat today was some low cal toast with Earth Balance, and a slightly sweetened coffee.)

So, I was in the kitchen boiling water for pasta and had a package of spaghetti out that an old roommate left behind that he said we could use. Then, Roommate #2 tells me that Roommate #4 (new roommate) was actually going to use that spaghetti to make all of us dinner tonight. I had boiling water all ready to go, and nobody thought to tell me that earlier? I was going to look like the fat asshole who used all the spaghetti that was supposed to be for a dinner nobody mentioned???

I have no idea why, but this really got to me. So, naturally, I just holed myself up in my room and cried over it. Because that's normal and sensible.

Now, I don't even want to eat. I just want to stay in my room and feel sad because, as shitty as it is, I don't want to eat something I didn't prepare. And it's like, because I'm not going to eat what I wanted to eat specifically, suddenly I just can't eat anything at all?? It feels so stupid, and I feel so stupid for being like this.

[Tip] Anyone found going vegan actually helped their disordered habits?
Created: Sat Jan 13 17:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8ez2/anyone_found_going_vegan_actually_helped_their/
Very recently went from vegetarian to vegan and I feel great. I was reluctant because I thought the restrictions would be harmful but actually the opposite.

* I turned my obsessive personality from finding low cal food to finding vegan food

* I have less guilt about what I'm eating

* I can't binge on my usual foods and hence haven't binged in 2 weeks

* I feel (mentally) like I'm healthier(probably not true I ate pasta like 3 nights in a row lol).

Lmao i realize this sounds like an ad now but it worked for me. Anyone in the same boat?

[Rant/Rave] Are these myths actually true?
/u/senpai_no_oppai_da [Height: 170cm | 25F | CW: 🐖💨]
Created: Sat Jan 13 17:02:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q8c0h/are_these_myths_actually_true/
I heard that it’s normal to have three, *THREE* meals a day!

They even say you can have a snack in between them if you want. 😱

Also, I’m told you don’t need to continue eating when you’re full! *WUT?! Can’t I just throw up after?*

Finally, I don’t know if this is true, some people don’t think about food, or calories, or diet plans all the time!


I’m surprised normal people are not overweight! Binging, purging, restricting, fasting for days, skipping social events with family and friends because I’ve gone over my 300 a day calorie limit, compulsive thinking about food ALL the time, obsessing about that brownie I already threw in the bin!

Aren’t these the norm?

[Rant/Rave] I want to purge
Created: Sat Jan 13 16:37:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q86l3/i_want_to_purge/
The only times I've puked before has been drunk throwing up or having a stomach bug. Realistically I know that purging is bad for my body more so than simply starving but I feel disgusting after binging for the past couple of days. Nothing too crazy, less than 2000 calories per day but my body has become so used to feeling light and empty that I feel like I'm going to burst. I feel awful and to make myself feel better I've been eating more, it's a terrible cycle.

The only thing stopping me from purging is the fact that I don't want to fuck up my teeth since I used to have braces and shit's expensive yo. Plus my dentist told me I have strong teeth and I don't want to disappoint him.

[Rant/Rave] I hate my brain and just really need to vent
/u/omgbewbs [5'6"| CW: landwhale | GW: pretty| 27F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 15:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q7r5r/i_hate_my_brain_and_just_really_need_to_vent/
I was doing so well this week, and I felt great. I felt completely put together, in control, and badass. I stuck to my workout schedule, kicked ass at work, was eating like a normal person, and had the house looking perfect. And then yesterday the switch just flipped back to normal, crappy me. Yesterday was basically one long binge which has continued into today. I feel awful, and I tried so hard to throw up last night, but couldn't, so I took lax instead, which are just giving me stomach cramps today. I'm supposed to go for a run today, but I feel like crap and am terrified the lax will kick in and I'll shit myself during my run. I hate this so much. I had like 3 full days of being happy, and I want it back, but my stupid fucked up brain won't let me.

Also, my boyfriend is gone for the weekend, so I have the house to myself. All my friends are gone on a mountain cabin getaway together. I didn't go because my cat was recently diagnosed with advanced cancer, and I didn't want to stress him by leaving him with a sitter. So I'm alone this weekend, and that makes this so much harder to pull out of.

[Help] Help with recovery
Created: Sat Jan 13 15:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q7pb2/help_with_recovery/
I’ve recently been trying to self-recover myself from what I believe to be anorexia. I am currently 5’10, 103 lbs, male and would like to know an estimate of how many calories I should be consuming daily to put some weight back on in a safe manner. Thanks!

[Rant/Rave] I just did a really hard thing and made an appointment with the dietician who worked at my old treatment center. I’m panicking about it and I just need someone to tell me they’re proud of me.
Created: Sat Jan 13 15:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q7lr0/i_just_did_a_really_hard_thing_and_made_an/
Edit: Thanks for all the kind words. I really needed that.

[Discussion] January 11th and 12th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 13:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q76v4/january_11th_and_12th_question_of_the_day/
11th: what’s your favorite accessory?

12th: where would you like to travel next?

[Discussion] what to you guys eat before drinking (while restricting)?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: underweight | 22f]
Created: Sat Jan 13 13:36:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q71n0/what_to_you_guys_eat_before_drinking_while/
drinking on an empty stomach has fucked me over too many times and i'm going out tonight. i was thinking of eating a 170 calorie protein bar in the afternoon and calling it good. any other filling but relatively low calorie snacks/meals you guys eat before going out?

(i'm trying to ditch a possible reputation as the waifish goth-y girl who always get really drunk off like 4 vodka diet sodas)

[Discussion] DAE desperately want to be pretty but their skin is terrible
Created: Sat Jan 13 13:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6wnr/dae_desperately_want_to_be_pretty_but_their_skin/
I think I'm having a small mental breakdown..? Just comfort me with your sob stories of how you, too, want to be beautiful but your body is garbage. Thankquuu!

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] WHY can't I get my fucking shit together?!
Created: Sat Jan 13 12:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6rpd/rantrave_why_cant_i_get_my_fucking_shit_together/

[Rant/Rave] Compliments?
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 56.9 kg | -26.6 kg | 22F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 12:44:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6pas/compliments/
So I think we can all agree that we live off of compliments right? Of course, the good ones, the subtle ones...those that make us feel good.

But recently I get those that aren't really compliments. These days the times I get told that I really shouldn't lose more weight are piling up.

What do people try to achieve by saying that? All they do is give me more reason to not talk to them. I couldn't possibly tell them 'yeah!' when they ask 'isn't that enough already?'. I mean I'm 57/58kg with a hight of 164cm, I'm at the middle of a healthy BMI of course there's still room to lose more! Can't they just let my do my stuff?

Sometimes I'm really fed up.

My ED makes me extraordinarily competitive and I hate it
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 125 | 22F | 🍑: kateee]
Created: Sat Jan 13 12:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6go5/my_ed_makes_me_extraordinarily_competitive_and_i/
I'm so competitive with the normies trying to lose weight. I think it's a mixture of jealousy (wow they can lose weight without an ED? unfair!) and a straight up desire to be the thinnest. I get sick pleasure watching people gain weight while I get smaller. My friend from HS gained weight and is now constantly posting about eating healthy and going to the gym everyday.

I feel so bad that I'm like this. Especially so now that I've gained 5lbs from holiday eating/finals stress binges. It makes me feel bad because I should NOT be feeling like this.

I hate what this ED does to me sometimes.

Created: Sat Jan 13 12:05:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6fp0/wretched/
I fasted yesterday and was planning to go the whole weekend to punish myself/ celebrate new year new me. Then I went to a funeral today and met with a bunch of old friends who wanted to go to lunch after. The thing is, I currently have zero appetite and am depressed from the funeral. But, the guy who died was so full of life that fasting seems rude?

I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

[Rant/Rave] I don’t know what to do
Created: Sat Jan 13 12:05:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6fmr/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
Sorry if this is somehow confusing I just want to rant.

I really thought my life is getting better. And I really wanted to get better. About two years ago I decided to try to recover. I hated how my hair was getting thinner, I was cold all the time and I somehow thought my life would get better as soon as my ed was gone. I thought maybe I would even be able to find friends and have a normal life. In retrospective these are kinda stupid reasons. I started eating again, gained 15 kg and Nothing changed. Well, I’m not as lonely as I used to be but I still don’t have any friends or something like that. And on top of that I’m just stressed because of school. I finish school in summer 2019 and I have no plans what I’m going to do next.
My life is a mess and I’ve got no one to talk to. I know it’s not healthy to “forget” eating and to count calories (and eat under 1000). I know I fall back to old habits.
And honestly I don’t really care. I’m not underweight and I’m not going to die anytime soon so why should I focus on getting better if it won’t change anything. And nobody cares about me anyway.

[Help] Natural laxatives that are not 'drinking tons of water' please?
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 133.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 11:49:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6bom/natural_laxatives_that_are_not_drinking_tons_of/
I haven't had a BM in 4 days. I have stayed super hydrated, tried coffee, and I don't want to buy laxatives. What are some tricks that have worked for you guys?

[Goal] Mini Goal!
Created: Sat Jan 13 11:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q6avg/mini_goal/
Finally made it into the 150's.

And even if it's bordering, I'm so happy.

159.4lbs as of this morning.

Next goal 140's! 🎉

[Help] EC stack and alcohol
Created: Sat Jan 13 11:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q64hl/ec_stack_and_alcohol/
So I know it’s not smart but I am curious if anyone else mixes EC stacks with alcohol.

I drink a lot during the week and that’s when I fuck up and end up eating, so I want to back able to take a stack around the time I drink so I can continue my fast.

Anyone have experiences with this?

[Help] Distractions for hunger
Created: Sat Jan 13 10:39:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5uot/distractions_for_hunger/

[Discussion] How much caffeine do you have in a day
Created: Sat Jan 13 10:37:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5u97/how_much_caffeine_do_you_have_in_a_day/
I usually have 4-6 cups of coffee, 1-2 cups of caffeinated tea and up to 2-3 Liters of Diet Coke.

How much caffeine do you drink and what do you drink?

[Discussion] Scared to weigh myself tomorrow
/u/LittleCritterCR [5'2.5'' | 23F | GW: 115]
Created: Sat Jan 13 10:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5s69/scared_to_weigh_myself_tomorrow/
I’ve been pretty good about not overeating lately, I think. I haven’t weighed myself in a while and I’m afraid to do it.

Anyone else feel this way?

[Rant/Rave] tired of this
/u/bombay- [5'9 | CW 160 | GW1 130 | 23.6 | 16F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 10:19:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5pxn/tired_of_this/
honestly h o w do people lose weight and restrict without going into a horrible binge cycle and gaining everything back? i see people who can restrict without binging as much and i feel like such a failure. even with the purging, i can't seem to lose a pound without gaining 3 back. the lowest weight i've been was 156, and that was THREE YEARS AGO. i'm too terrified to weigh myself now but i wouldn't be surprised if i was in the 170 range. i always say that i'm going to stick to a plan and restrict but i can't stop binging. my life is a cycle of "i'll be skinny for this event." i know i say this all the time, but i'm actually going to lose weight before summer. i just desperately want to not be a failure for once in my life.

[Discussion] Does anyone else do little things to burn more calories throughout the day?
Created: Sat Jan 13 10:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5pr2/does_anyone_else_do_little_things_to_burn_more/
For example I do 15 squats every time I enter the bathroom, bicep curls with dumbbells when I'm bored, leave stuff in other rooms so I'll have to go in that room again and burn more calories, well you get the idea

Spent money too not have to spend money
Created: Sat Jan 13 09:50:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5j5l/spent_money_too_not_have_to_spend_money/

[Other] Awesome anorexic youtuber
Created: Sat Jan 13 09:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5ilx/awesome_anorexic_youtuber/

[Rant/Rave] Disgusted by myself and over it
Created: Sat Jan 13 09:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5id1/disgusted_by_myself_and_over_it/

[Help] How many calories do you think this video burns?
Created: Sat Jan 13 09:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q5era/how_many_calories_do_you_think_this_video_burns/

I know it says 500 calories but I just highly doubt that. I did the whole thing and I'm about 5'8" and weigh 135ish... how many calories would you estimate? I'm thinking like at least 250 but need some reassurance.

[Discussion] DAE find themselves in this mindset—?
Created: Sat Jan 13 08:33:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q52pw/dae_find_themselves_in_this_mindset/
where you want to go shopping to celebrate the fact that you're getting smaller but also know that you're not small /enough/ to try clothes on without having a breakdown from hell?

[Rant/Rave] Wtf, Facebook
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | CW: 120 | GW: small | F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 08:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q52ig/wtf_facebook/

[Discussion] I find it easier to fast when I have an apple next to me; a discussion on odd techniques.
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5" | CW 😱 | -24.4lbs]
Created: Sat Jan 13 08:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4zly/i_find_it_easier_to_fast_when_i_have_an_apple/
Hello lovelies! It's been a while since I've posted anything here, but I've been lurking around. (Always watching 👀) I just haven't been up to human interaction until now. Xmas depression is real, y'all. I hope the holidays weren't too cruel to any of you. 💜

So, like the title says, having an apple or mandarin orange (my top safe foods, btw) on my computer table or wherever I am when I'm getting deep into my fast really helps me avoid binging.

I'm not entirely sure why, but my theory is this: I can see I have safe food right there if I can't stand it anymore and **need** to eat, so don't need to obsess over what I *could* eat. If the craving get bad I can look at my apple and tell myself, "Ok me, we are hungry. That's a thing that is happening. Let's just finish this chapter/play one more game/watch another video and then I'll have my apple/orange." More often than not the craving will have passed enough by the time whatever is done that I can push off hunger for a few more hours.

Are there any odd things you find yourself doing when your fasting? How well do they work for you?

[Help] How to deal with fucking hating recovery?
/u/miracleunicat [5'6 | CW: 109 | GW: 85]
Created: Sat Jan 13 08:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4ycb/how_to_deal_with_fucking_hating_recovery/
I was forces into recovery by my parents, first into PHP but then they thought it wasn't working fast enough so they pulled me out. Now we are doing a weekly family session with a therapist and a session every other week by myself. I an miserable. Turns out that my eating disorder was my only coping skill for anxiety and depression. And, the thing is, physically, I was/ am NOT THAT BAD. Like my EKG was normal and most of my blood work was fine except anemia. I don't have an extremely low body weight either. I wish that they had just left me in PHP because at least then I wouldn't have them telling me not to be stupid when I cry. How did you guys deal with being forced into recovery? Has anyone had a similar experience with being pulled out of a structured treatment?

[Rant/Rave] I know I’m not the only one to reach a new low and feel nothing but depression...
/u/Whisper_silence [5'2" | 113.3 | 21(Fitbit) |-21.5 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 07:57:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4vig/i_know_im_not_the_only_one_to_reach_a_new_low_and/

[Help] No money + No time = ED Fuel
Created: Sat Jan 13 07:44:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4ta7/no_money_no_time_ed_fuel/
During the time I hardly ate, I had extra money in my pocket and had the freedom to buy clothes and leisure stuff. Fun times, happy days. I mean, lunch and dinner aren't exactly cheap, and it felt good to look nice in the clothes that I bought.

Had a lot more time to pursue my hobbies and study too when I'm not: 1. Cooking 2. Eating 3. Going to and from restaurants. That's around 2 or more hours a day.

Tried to eat normally and found a lot of lost time and money. My mother lectures me every time my school sends a bill in as well since we aren't exactly well off. If that isn't perfect motivation to not eat and save up, I don't know what is.

How does everyone out there handle being broke and busy as a result of actually eating?

[Discussion] Residential treatment
Created: Sat Jan 13 06:46:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4inx/residential_treatment/
Hi all,

I hope that this is okay to post.

I'm in my late 30s and had a diagnosable ed since I was 11. Things kicked off with anorexia then veered into a mix of fasting, overeating and purging, and extreme exercise.

To give you some idea of my home life, my mom had an ed and taught me how to purge when I was 10. She also forced me to take diet pills and exercise... A lot. I used to get daily weigh ins and get beaten if the number was bad. And weight watchers at age 8 (especially when I wasn't even fat!)

I managed to keep it somewhat under control until I almost failed out of college. The school counseling section recommended that I get an eval at Renfrew. Renfrew recommended php. My parents wouldn't pay (insurance only covered 80%). So that was that. I dhdnt have the money.

At any rate, my weight and ed symptoms have fluctuated a lot. Right now I'm the largest I've ever been but also in worst shape due to another unrelated health issue that is causing a lot of havoc (autoimmune). I've worked full time the last ten years or so and used my insurance and pto to do iop at Renfrew and another place. I relapsed in part because they wanted me in php or even resi but I couldn't afford it.

Anyway I see a dietician and counselor and I've been in this downward spiral since last April where I'm purging all the time and overexercising. It's impacting my health, my job, and I can't pull myself out. I have before, I just can't now. I work a very stressful job, I commute about 25 hrs/wk and it's all just that, gym, errands and bed. And ed. Exhausted all the time, gunning coffee, constantly rushing.

My counselor said Castlewood or a similar place could help. She thinks I have trauma (abusive upbringing etc) and if I can do that with the ed treatment, I might have a, better shot. I finally have ok insurance, cash put aside and paid time off, and I can get fmla. It feels like this might really be it.

Ive been sick for over 25 years and it's no party. It used to be so easy, now it's not helping me. Hope nobody is offended by me posting this, I just want things to be a little better.

Has anyone done this, especially as an older adult who is overweight or obese? Am I crazy to think I could get just a little better?

[Help] Has anyone been on Lexapro? Did it affect your weight at all?
/u/pedaling-backwards [5’2 ❄️ | CW: 106 | GW: 95]
Created: Sat Jan 13 06:34:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4gs7/has_anyone_been_on_lexapro_did_it_affect_your/
I’ve been on Wellbutrin for 6 months now, and I do think it’s making my anxiety worse — but everytime I even miss a *day* of it, my binging becomes insanely bad. Like, pouring soap on food and then eating it anyways, ravenous-out-of-my-mind bad. So, I’m staying on it for now.

I’ve been on Prozac and it made me feel like a zombie. I tried Zoloft for a couple weeks and gave up because it made me absolutely exhausted.

I was just prescribed Lexapro, and am afraid of weight gain side effects. 99% of my binges are anxiety-related, so my HOPE is that the Lexapro will diminish the anxiety and therefore reduce the binges.

I’ve been taking it for two days now and have had a massive migraine since starting it, I don’t know if that’s common. If you’ve been on it, what was your experience like with Lexapro? How did it affect your weight?

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 13, 2018
Created: Sat Jan 13 05:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q4557/stupid_questions_saturday_january_13_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 13, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 13, 2018
Created: Sat Jan 13 05:09:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q44ya/daily_food_diary_january_13_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 13, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] From binging to restricting? Stuck in a cycle
Created: Sat Jan 13 03:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q3vq2/from_binging_to_restricting_stuck_in_a_cycle/

[Rant/Rave] I just binged and tried to purge for the first time in weeks
Created: Sat Jan 13 01:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q3gs5/i_just_binged_and_tried_to_purge_for_the_first/
I feel so disgusting. I just had a massive binge because I’ve been drinking and tried to purge but it wouldn’t work. Why does drinking do this to me??
I feel repulsive and humongous and like a massive failure. I’ve even been trying to be in recovery and hadn’t done this shit in weeks, I was even down 5 pounds.
I guess I’m just venting and I don’t know who else to talk to about it. I need to get back to restriction, I miss feeling in control.

[Discussion] Your fantasy 'cheat' day?
/u/dearisabella [5'2" | CW: 115 | GW: 100 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jan 13 01:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q3ff8/your_fantasy_cheat_day/
I'm watching [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1N0nB98MhI) (warning: possible binge trigger?) about a girl eating through her fantasy cheat day. Cheat days are more common in the fitness community than on here -- I suppose we just call them binges and they are not really encouraged haha. What would you eat if you could eat anything and everything you wanted for a day?

Edit: her [10,000 calories a day challenge](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPI5cuq3NPU) is also quite the spectacle, if you're interested

Minnie Maud is a scam and dangerous
Created: Sat Jan 13 00:58:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q39w1/minnie_maud_is_a_scam_and_dangerous/

[Rant/Rave] Posted a body picture... Wtf.
/u/I_donut_carrot_all [5'6| 85 | 13.71 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 23:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q30cj/posted_a_body_picture_wtf/
So I made a imgur account & posted a body picture and within - 17-fucking minutes it had over 700 views and upwards of 50+ comments, mostly in concern but some very very awful shit that makes me want to vom. Does this page (the body thread) get that much traffic?! It took me all day to talk myself into uploading it and argh I'm humiliated now. Thankfully I had half a brain to crop my face out lolz

Edit: someone talk me out of binging on cheese cake

[Discussion] Mentalities
Created: Fri Jan 12 23:46:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q3065/mentalities/

[Rant/Rave] This subreddit is fantastic
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 22:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2t01/this_subreddit_is_fantastic/
I post to other subreddits and they just don't get it. But you guys do. Not just the ED stuff but there is real love and support in this community and I just wanna say how thankful I am for every single one of you. I know there's a post like this every 24 hours on this sub, but it honestly deserves to have one all the time because it's the most supportive community I have experienced. Love to all of you <3

[Rant/Rave] Unintentionally purged today?
/u/queenofflavortown [5'0"|CW 155lbs|HW 175|GW 120|F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 22:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2peo/unintentionally_purged_today/
So for background, I've never really purged before. I'm more of a binge/slightly restrict kinda gal. But this week I've been sick and eating basically only larabars and popsicles (man has it felt good) and today, I hit a new low weigh in (the lowest I've been since I was 15!! I'm sooo freaking close to the 140s, I can TASTE IT)...so of course I decided to blow it with a pizza lol.

I haven't had a pizza to myself in over a month. I've honestly tried to do better this year, but I had the whole thing today (like I used to) and my body decided to say "fuck this noise" and threw half up. I guess I should be happy my body is getting rid of junk it doesn't need?

Idk what the point of this post is, I think I'm just a little toasted and wanted to share a stupid random story idk lol hope y'alls Friday night is going fab!

[Help] Worried about fainting at school
/u/BreakdownShakedown [5'2" | CW: 129.6 | SW: 147.7 | GW: 120 | UGW: 110 | 24F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 22:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2p29/worried_about_fainting_at_school/
Start school for auto mechanic trade next Tuesday. Basic shop class is Tuesday, but actually learning about and probably working with tools and heavy bikes means I’m pretty damn worried. I guess I’ll have to eat at least something before class? I mean, I’m already more than likely going to be the only woman in the program, I don’t need to be the fainting damsel in distress as well.

Any advice guys?

Side note: my mom recently said she was worried I was losing too much weight. Someone finally fucking noticed and I didn’t feel as good as I thought I would. If she only knew I was planning on at least getting down to 110. She’s flip shit for sure and maybe that’d make me feel good, who knows. This disorder is super fucked yo.

[Discussion] I’m not a big fan of most of my body, but I took this picture of my legs the other day that gave me a sense of pride. Don’t have anyone else to share it with but y’all. 💖
Created: Fri Jan 12 22:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2mta/im_not_a_big_fan_of_most_of_my_body_but_i_took/

[Help] when lying isn't enough anymore
/u/100016 [152cm|gw:35kg|cw:38kg|nb]
Created: Fri Jan 12 22:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2ma7/when_lying_isnt_enough_anymore/
so i might have to come out to health professionals about the fact that i have an eating disorder and itll blow all over. it's closing in on me and eventually i won't be able to lie anymore either because the lies won't suffice or because i will be tired of them. thing is, i'm not quite ready. i like how things are going, finally; by the end of last year i finally got the hang of fasting and finally hit 35kg. i was so proud. but now i will be put into a room with a nutrologist and the fuck do i tell them? "hey i love eating its my hobby :)" ???? i don't know.

i already have too much to deal with. i have bpd, so the ed is kinda like the side dish (literally, bc i dont look like i have one) and it'll make things so much worse. i just hate this. idk, what do yall reckon? any tips? should i keep lying, should i come clean to the docs? i'd very much appreciate any help.

[Rant/Rave] I never do the right bloody thing
/u/lIdlV [5'5" | 120 | 20.0 | 28 F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 22:08:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2kti/i_never_do_the_right_bloody_thing/
If I were a fictional character I would be so fed up by my life choices. I would have quit paying attention to this predictable, perpetual train wreck. Long-ass, drawn-out, pathetic wreck that's me. Gosh, sorry for being such a downer right off!

But honestly, swear to god, i never do anything right.

I feel like I'm watching myself make bad decisions over and over and over again. I feel like I'm powerless to stop. Sometimes, I know in the moment I'm making a mistake and plow ahead anyway, its like a sick urge. But mostly in the moment I don’t realize my bad choice will have repercussions down the line! Blind, I am, thoughtless. Dumb.

This evening I was supposed to go to one o my support groups but instead I decided to disassemble my radio alarm clock to see if I could fix the broken backlight. Why??

Why? Hah. My subconscious knows why. Subconscious, that saboteur!

Every day I'm presented with a good path and a bad/relapse path, and it seems like every day I follow the bad/relapse path. And as likely as not, I'll do it again tomorrow.

I don't know what I want! I want to cease to exist and I don't want to die. I want to keep healthy and I don't want to eat. I want to withdraw and I don't want to give up ground. I want to be loved and I don't deserve love. I want to rant and rave and I don't know the point.

Please, please. . .

all I want is to be good :(

[Other] Nicole Richie is my idol, that is all 💜
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Fri Jan 12 21:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2hi1/nicole_richie_is_my_idol_that_is_all/

[Rant/Rave] Why does being female come with a price
Created: Fri Jan 12 21:18:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q2bry/why_does_being_female_come_with_a_price/

[Rant/Rave] I did something I don’t usually do.
Created: Fri Jan 12 20:32:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q231v/i_did_something_i_dont_usually_do/

[Other] Purged for the first time.
Created: Fri Jan 12 20:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q22g9/purged_for_the_first_time/
I always thought that I couldn't do it.

Like, I've tried. God knows I've tried. But I was trawling through a proana forum after my latest attempt, and a particular little tip stood out out to me. I won't share it, obviously. Though I suspect it's no great secret.

I don't know how to feel. I feel a bit "high", to be honest. I've been going through a fucking awful binge phase for months, so this feels like something to celebrate. It was hard, and painful, but when I actually managed it? I did it until I thought I felt empty. I feel a bit full now actually (still) but that's okay. I did it in the street outside my apartment. People probably saw me.

I also cut myself for the first time tonight. I walked home, pastries in hand, thinking "I'll cut myself and then purge". Well, I succeeded in both endeavours. I don't want my teeth to rot, or my cheeks to bloat, or for people to see scars. But I want binging to leave me alone, or at least change so that it won't make me fat. That's all I want.

I'm getting worse, to be honest. Anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] Trying so hard to purge, but I can't do it
Created: Fri Jan 12 20:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q1zml/trying_so_hard_to_purge_but_i_cant_do_it/

[Rant/Rave] Binging on healthy food?
/u/renewtheplaintiff [5'2 | cw: 101 | gw: 90 | F23]
Created: Fri Jan 12 19:42:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q1tp4/binging_on_healthy_food/
It's 9:42pm where I live, I had about 900cals today (busy day at Uni meant I need to not faint), and now I'm having my nightime urge-to-snack phase. So I just gobbled up an entire celery. Not just one stalk, but the entire thing. Dipped it in peanut butter (god knows how much... 3 tbsp? 4tbsp?). My boyfriend keeps reassuring me that it's healthy, *it's fucking celery for cryin' out loud*, but this healthy-binging phenomenon has been happening for a few weeks now.

I used to binge on chocolate, but I have absolutely no craving for that anymore. Just celery and pickles. I guess I'm happy - but wtf? Does anyone else binge on vegetables?

[Rant/Rave] 77kg and still feel like a whale
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 18:53:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q1jta/77kg_and_still_feel_like_a_whale/

[Other] Forced recovery potentially avoided!!!
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:120 |19.7 |GW:110 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 18:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q1i3n/forced_recovery_potentially_avoided/
So I’ve been freaking out and mega restricting because I was supposed to be moving back home in a week. Basically I couldn’t really find another affordable place in my area, so I was just going to go home. Unfortunately, being home would mean that I’m forced to eat a lot more because my mom is pretty much onto me. I was so stressed about actually being made to eat, but today one of the apartment complexes I was looking at sent me an email saying they have a unit available!!!
I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get this place because I’m so used to living on my own and I’m definitely not ready to be eating normally. I’m 10IBS away from my first goal weight and if I get this place I know I will definitely be able to reach my goal! I’ve never had a panic attack before but I had one last week because I was thinking about the things I’d have to eat if I moved home. I just hope I can remain on my own and that I can get this place!

[Thinspo] GOALS
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 298.4 | Goal: 270 | 46.7 | 0 | F ]
Created: Fri Jan 12 17:44:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q15kv/goals/

[Tip] What are your best ways to stop a binge cycle?
Created: Fri Jan 12 17:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q10zs/what_are_your_best_ways_to_stop_a_binge_cycle/
Please help, agghhh :(((

Thank you in advance <3 you're all "lovely" lol BUT ACTUALLY

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] PMS + restriction = RAGE MONSTER
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Landwhale -18lb | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 17:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0xrt/rantrave_pms_restriction_rage_monster/
I've been restricting to around 700-750 the past 2-ish weeks to get back on track after the holidays. It hasn't been easy, but I've been managing and haven't been too unpleasant or hungry.

Then PMS hit and I have just been a monster, snapping at everyone and on the verge of crying at every little thing. It's so awful. I have horrible hunger pangs too and I just wanna eat everything in sight!! Plus I'm bloated and breaking out. Ughhhhh shit, please Lordy give me strength to make it through this next week! Lol

Feeling good!
Created: Fri Jan 12 17:03:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0w86/feeling_good/
On mobile and dont know how to flare! Sorry.

So this week has been very blah... though i had a few small victories, refusing takeout and choosing a smoothie at starbucks over my usual caramel latte.. but then my weekend plans fell through and i ate everything in the world.

I kind of made up for it by doing a work out and have set out my food for tomorrow and already logged it in my calorie app so i feel like i have to stick too it!! And im actually SUPER excited about the feeling i'll have after a week of 380cals a day.

The plus side to being alone this weekend, extra few days of doing what i want food wise and nobody to answer too ☺☺

[Rant/Rave] A Trans ED Problem
/u/thisbesveil [5'4.5" | CW 116.4lbs | GW 110lbs | Non-binary]
Created: Fri Jan 12 17:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0vuy/a_trans_ed_problem/
I'm AFAB (assigned female at birth) + non-binary, and I've been on a lowish dose of testosterone for about 7.5 months now. Overall, it has definitely been more beneficial than detrimental, but there's one thing that really pokes at my ED brain sometimes: the increased muscle mass.

Since I'm running on testosterone now, my body fat percentage has dropped, which is nice tbh. Buuuut my average weight (while not in a period of restriction) has gone up by ~3lbs. I mean, yeah, my shoulders are literally 3 inches broader and my arms have gone from limp spaghetti to al dente with comparatively minimal exertion, but those 3 pounds feel like a lot sometimes. Especially since the last time my average weight was around this zone, it had all been fat instead and it feels like failure in a way, however illogical that may be.

Also, my calves are bigger? Probably not to the extent where people would notice, but definitely enough for me to feel the difference when I wear the pair of boots I have that go up to just a bit below the knees.

Thanks for reading.

[Rant/Rave] 60-100 calories a day, wanting others input
Created: Fri Jan 12 16:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0qei/60100_calories_a_day_wanting_others_input/

[Other] When Anorexics Grow Up - The New York Times
/u/waitupana [15M | 147cm (4'10)]
Created: Fri Jan 12 16:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0oou/when_anorexics_grow_up_the_new_york_times/

[Rant/Rave] I feel so betrayed by my scale wtf
Created: Fri Jan 12 16:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0k90/i_feel_so_betrayed_by_my_scale_wtf/

[Rant/Rave] Personal recovery pro/con list because I'm stuck and frustrated
/u/zorbiz [5' 8" | 18.5 | 22F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 15:46:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0ehj/personal_recovery_procon_list_because_im_stuck/

* Saves my teeth

* More time and mental energy to spend on things I actually care about

* Eventually regain confidence, maybe?

* Ability to eat the things I miss

* Ability to enjoy meals with family and friends

* Saves money


* Weight gain

* *Too* much weigh gain

* It's scary and not easy

* It takes time and energy

* I look better when I'm thinner

* No more bingeing, eating as much as I want without fear of gaining (through purging)

I have spent over a year in this relapse, and things have only gotten more difficult. I pretend like I'm not sick. Very few people know how bad it's gotten. I have this delusion that I can stop at any time, but I spend all my waking hours thinking about food and weight. If I *could* stop, this "slip" wouldn't still be happening. I have to admit to myself that this is a legitimate relapse, and not just a phase I'll grow out of eventually.

Edit: formatting

[Rant/Rave] I hate purging, but also love it?
Created: Fri Jan 12 15:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0cno/i_hate_purging_but_also_love_it/
I purged for 5 days in a row and I feel like shit. My skin is dull, I look like I haven’t slept in days, I have a runny nose, and my throat is burning from the stomach acid. It sucks! But at the same time, I feel like I’m finally gaining control.

Idk where I’m going with this—I just feel ugly and gross and fat and I needed to rant and also would love some support

[Help] Looked at my weight for the first time in years...
Created: Fri Jan 12 15:35:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q0bu7/looked_at_my_weight_for_the_first_time_in_years/
Hey guys. I've been in recovery for about 5 years now and haven't weighed myself once! I'm very proud because looking at my weight has always been a trigger of mine and I decided that It was best for my recovery if I didn't know. Recently I got into a car accident and had to go to the hospital to treat burns I got from the airbags. The doctor said that I had to get weighed in case they needed to give me any medication. The weight wasn't in pounds so I figured it would be ok. About a month later I got an email from my doctor with my health summary on it with a BMI section. It said I was in the healthy range and then under It said my weight! In pounds!! I was shook. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I have ever been or what I assumed I even was. I feel sick knowing the actual number now. Anybody have any tips on how to get over this feeling? I wish I never looked but now I can't unsee it.... :(

[Rant/Rave] Give me strength
Created: Fri Jan 12 15:18:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7q07u4/give_me_strength/

[Help] People who purge and exercise
Created: Fri Jan 12 14:38:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pzxio/people_who_purge_and_exercise/
Has anything bad ever happened to you? I know when one binges and purges a lot there is a risk of sudden heart attack. Would exercise increase this possibility? Sometimes I wake up in the morning before I workout and am so dizzy and it seriously worries me that I will pass out while working out. Please give me your thoughts or experiences.

[Other] Found a relevant song 🙃
/u/ruralfishingcat [5'5 | 122 | 20.5 | - 5 | 21 F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 13:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pznip/found_a_relevant_song/

[Rant/Rave] Wth
/u/-Never_Mind- [5'2'' | 102 | 19.02 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 13:51:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pzltt/wth/
I normally don't purge, but I have been tempted the last few weeks to start again since I can't seem to stop binging and gaining. I was so close to doing it last night, but I decided to wash my face instead. While I was drying my face my husband comes into the bathroom to ask me something and instead asks me why does it smell like puke?! I started internally freaking out, but just tried to laugh it off. I didn't actually do anything, but still, he's never said anything like that to me before. I'm still so freaked out about it, it's all my mind can think about right now.

[Rant/Rave] Wth
Created: Fri Jan 12 13:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pzhfu/wth/

[Other] Guess who's back, back again
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | -51.4 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 13:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pzbyf/guess_whos_back_back_again/
Hint: it's me. I got triggered last night after trying to recover (AKA I maintained and then gained 5 lbs) so I'm back after like three months. I tried. I'm still a fat fucking mess :)

[Thinspo] This idiot in r/ thinspo
Created: Fri Jan 12 12:50:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pz5z2/this_idiot_in_r_thinspo/

[Discussion] How many pounds per week do you average?
/u/AirmansGirl [5'5 | CW 128 | GW 111| 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 12:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pyt6p/how_many_pounds_per_week_do_you_average/

[Rant/Rave] Freaking out at work
Created: Fri Jan 12 12:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pyt5r/freaking_out_at_work/

[Help] ED Edition: What to feed a cold/fever?
/u/Strawberie [5'0 | CW: 88 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 11:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pyrkg/ed_edition_what_to_feed_a_coldfever/
Hey guys, I need some help here.

Ever since yesterday I've been terribly sick and I really need to get better asap. Can anyone suggest me low-calorie foods to eat that can aid my recovery?

High calorie stuff like chicken noodle soup would just make me feel really bad about myself... ):


EDIT: Thanks for all the suggestions all! This is exactly why I love this subreddit, its like a family here. (':

[Rant/Rave] I hate how I think sometimes
Created: Fri Jan 12 11:29:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pykgq/i_hate_how_i_think_sometimes/
I’m sitting in my foreign language class and my friends started talking about losing weight. One of them started talking about how she barely eats once a day saying things like “oh I barely hit 1000 calories a day” and “if I ever pass even 2000 calories I’ll kill myself the next day” I feel so shitty because a normal person would probably be worried or think it was weird but it just made me annoyed? Like I hate that because of my stupid ED I’ve become so much more judgmental and it makes me feel like such a gross person even though I never tell anyone what I think. I couldn’t help but be so annoyed that I wasn’t the only one who was restricting. It sounds awful and she probably isn’t even doing it on purpose but I just somehow want to be the only one who’s losing weight. I want it to be MY thing, I want to be the one who’s getting smaller and I don’t want people to stop noticing, and it’s so fucking bad. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I feel like such a bad person :(

[Rant/Rave] Copping out
/u/lonas_ [M | 145 | Everything I've Ever Let Go Of Has Claw Marks On It]
Created: Fri Jan 12 10:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7py3au/copping_out/
I'm killing myself.

I'm drunk and waiting for my bath water to get hot again. The shit that I manage to screw up astonishes me. I didn't think I'd post to reddit but I am.

I'm killing myself. I'm just tired of it. I love my family and friends, and I find love in many elements of life. but it just got to be too hard. I can't do it anymore. I admit it, I'm weak. Is that such a bad thing, to be weak? It just is how it is. ANd i'm sorry for it. I know how selfish this is, painfully aware. But it's ironic, the calamity this will cause, and I won't have any awareness of it. all things going right that is.

I'm sorry.

[Discussion] What “ED” websites/forums do you frequent?
/u/makemeup_makeup [5'5 | 😭 | GW 111 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 10:22:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7py33m/what_ed_websitesforums_do_you_frequent/
So I found r/proED through myproana.com. MPA was the first website I ever found that was an actual forum for people with EDs, although recently I’ve been browsing here a lot too! What websites have you used/do you use? Are you only on this sub? Are there other subs you use?

[Other] When your anxiety saves you from a bad decision
/u/holllzzz [5’3” | CW: 122 | UGW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 10:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pxypy/when_your_anxiety_saves_you_from_a_bad_decision/
So last night I broke down and decided to get mexican food with my hubby (our weakness).

Now as of late, I’ve been suffering from panic attacks. Lately leaving the house is hard for me. When I was getting ready, I was fine and even wanted to go out after dinner. But once we got on the car, my anxiety was INTENSE.

When we pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, we watched my heart rate increase on my Fitbit lol. I was SICK from anxiety and it completely killed my appetite. Once we got inside, cue panic attack. Had to sit in 25 degree weather to shock myself to try and calm down.

Now panic attack over, and looking at the menu, I was shaken but at the same time relieved. I was so happy my appetite was killed! No post meal guilt!! I would have hated myself this morning.

So now I’m like wow wanna lose weight? Have a panic disorder! Sick right? (I’m seeing a Dr soon).

Anyways, you can imagine my delight when I was down 2 more pounds this morning! 🙌
Wouldn’t of happened if I ate last night.

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this? Rant on rant on rant.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Fri Jan 12 09:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pxunw/why_am_i_like_this_rant_on_rant_on_rant/
On mobile flair as rant rave.

Sorry for just the random long rant but just need to get my thoughts out and a part of me think you are all really supportive, loving understanding. This is going to be all over the place.

I hate my family. Hate is a strong word and I don't mean my whole family I guess. I do like my brother even though he seems to have lucked out on like and gotten more attention and support from my parents than I have.

For my bday my parents pretty much let me be a depressed wreck and sleep and cry all day. I kind of felt like no one cares. At the last minute we went to dinner at a safe place I liked and the complained about the food and how much I ate and ordered even though it was all veggies pretty much and super light on sauce and oils, while they are phad Thai and noodles and rice. They bought me a vegan cake and couldn't have anyone of it even for singing which I normally don't like but it would have meant something seeing as how I always hate my birthdays. I ended up eatijng half of the cake that night and purged it at a grocery store bathroom a few blocks away..

Xmas was another tragedy. No family things which I guess I was ok with but being with my immediate family was not great my mom had a cancer scare and got surgery a few days before my bday and so everyone was checking on her and sending her flowers and making dinners for her and my dirtbag father (more on him later). I feel like my struggles and my depressed were being concealed by my mom's thing and felt selfish for wanting validating for what I was going through. My partner of 5 years left me a month and a half ago and I'm still pretty much dead inside from that.

My parents marriage is a sham. Maybe it's an open thing and I'm not judging for that even though I totally don't get polyamoury or just amoury in general because I feel unlovable. My phone broke and I used my dad's old one for a replacement and without wiping it of the stored info I found some disturbing texts, pictures and videos. My parents apparently no longer have sex anymore and my father is seeing other people. I'm upset my mom is being treated like this. Both of them are overweight and my mom has been trying more actively to lose weight in the past year to six months my dad's attempts have been half assed.

Them getting fitbits for Xmas from each other is really fucking triggering and I feel like my complaint isn't valid. They both need to lose weight but I feel mad that they can lose weight with small changes. They eat 2000 calories a day and lose 10 pounds in a couple weeks because they are bigger all while I yoyo the same binge and purge weight and bloating forever. My mom even has said she goes as low as 1200 some days.

My parents talk about calories even though we specifically had a talked about language I don't find helpful when i was in treatment last year when my mia was really really bad. It's still bad and no one has any idea.

I hate how human bodies are so fucking different. I don't like really anything about how I look. I have serious dysphoria physically. And seeing all the different people is just bothersome and I guess I'm super envious of people that can just deal. I want to be a model not for attention or for the career but just because I like the look. It's a weird absurd desire. I don't care about my health I just want to be light and waifish and small.

My current partner may be the worst thing for me now. They try really hard to be emotionally supportive but I don't feel like it's sustainable. They are really overweight. Sex is not good. I mean I don't even like sex and don't really have desire for it but when we have done it. I feel a lot of shame and regret also just for having sex and me feeling awful about myself. They seem to have no intention of losing weight at all and I want to think I can convince them but don't want to be a broken record. I think them being bigger just inhibits a lot of things. They won't walk any weight because they are easily out of breath, always sweaty and don't like walking of moving too much because it makes them nauseous. All of these things seem like typical overweight problems .

I don't know how to go about things. The amount of distress I am going through could just make me worst and I really want them to change their behavior so they can be healthier. I also feel fucked up though because I feel like even for how fucked up and ugly I feel they don't do much better than me because most people probably couldn't see past their weight or their lack of being able to do things. I want to do some tough love and be firm with my choices and give them an ultimatum but I don't want to feel like a hypocrite.

I don't feel like I have the right to tell someone to lose weight no matter their size. I also remember them thinking they have asthma and then not wanting to go to a doctor because they think the doctor will just tell them to lose weight because they would never solve any of their problems. I feel like if I show myself to be someone who doesn't enable their behavior they will leave me and it could be less damaging then of I leave them

I feel trapped because they tell me they love me so much and I don't know what to say so I just parrot it because I don't feel like I can love right now. I want them to love themselves and they means taking care of their physical and mental health not just the mental health.

I'm done cooking for them and not going to give into going out for junk food anymore. I don't want to enable their unhealthy behavior.

Thanks to anyone who reads this mess.


[Other] “how we perceive our body is actually a distortion created by our blended past observations of ourselves and others” (possible TW...but also possibly reassuring if you feel like you’re never getting any thinner even though the scale is changing)
Created: Fri Jan 12 08:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pxa6m/how_we_perceive_our_body_is_actually_a_distortion/

[Discussion] Low cal soups, stews, curries, etc recipes please!!!
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 151.5 | GW: 118 | -15.3 | F24]
Created: Fri Jan 12 08:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7px900/low_cal_soups_stews_curries_etc_recipes_please/
Title self-explanatory. I'm dealing with a shit ton of anxiety about the Christmas weight I gained. Literally ate and drank myself IN A SINGLE WEEK (yay cruise. -__-) from 144.6 to 155. So I'm in desperate need of recipes. Beautiful people of Pro/ED, gimme what you got!!!

[Help] Can’t feel EC stack
Created: Fri Jan 12 08:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7px56o/cant_feel_ec_stack/

[Discussion] Anyone absolutely terrified of gaining weight back?
/u/bunkbedsex [5'3 | CW: 137 | BMI: 24.3 | UGW: 99 | add me on peach]
Created: Fri Jan 12 07:44:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pwzt1/anyone_absolutely_terrified_of_gaining_weight_back/
Probably a dumb question but I’ve been struggling with this so much lately. I was pretty in shape all through high school & college but halfway through i went through an assault and got depressed because of it and ballooned up to like a million pounds.

I lost most of it and am back to high school weight but I’m so fucking terrified of gaining the weight back again. I just went through deleted all these old pictures of me on Facebook where you could clearly tell i was overweight and i just looked so hideous. I don’t want anyone to know that that even happened to me. Like i just wish 2014-2015 could just disappear from the timeline.

That’s why I’m trying to get down to at least 99 pounds if not more so i can catch myself if i start gaining back weight. But like it’s literally affecting my love life too like who the fuck is going to want to date someone who even let themselves go in the first place. I don’t know, i think it would be helpful to see if anyone else out there goes through the same sort of thing.

[Discussion] DAE weight lift/how do you feel about possibly gaining muscle weight and seeing the scale go up?
/u/Bridget6th [5'8" | CW135 | 20.5 | UGW119 | 33F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 07:42:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pwzjn/dae_weight_lifthow_do_you_feel_about_possibly/
I've been wanting to tone up and try lifting (light) weights because I just feel like I'm totally flabby-skinny-fat. Everything still jiggles and wobbles and I hate it. BUT I have seen so many posts of women who start at say, 120lbs and then look smaller and more toned in their after but are 122lbs. I just don't know if I could reconcile seeing the scale go up even if it means my body is getting smaller, measurement-wise. Has anybody dealt with this before? How do you combine the two and not lose your marbles when that scale goes the wrong way? SO MUCH CONFLICT!

[Help] Newbie to EC stacking
Created: Fri Jan 12 07:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pws3c/newbie_to_ec_stacking/

[Discussion] Your "advert for anorexia"?
Created: Fri Jan 12 06:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pwpe7/your_advert_for_anorexia/
Hey everyone :) so recently I have been seeing a counsellor to explore whether or not I am ready to try recovery. At the moment I am not, but I still think it is useful maybe to talk about things with someone who's trained in helping people with EDs. Maybe she can convince me that my life can be better than this 😪 who knows.

Anyway! To the punchline - she sets me "homework" each week and this week she wants me to make an "advert for anorexia". So I am meant to identify what anorexia gives me that is so compelling that I don't want to let it go, despite the physical, social, and academic harm it is doing to me.

I guess I thought this was a thought-provoking task, even though it sounds fucked up, and I am interested to see what your "adverts" would be like. At the moment, I'm thinking that for me it is about punishing myself, and the rush I get from being in control. Also the "success" of losing weight - if I can succeed in that, then maybe I don't have to be so good at everything else?

I don't know o.O I'm still thinking about it...

[Discussion] can’t stop binging
Created: Fri Jan 12 05:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pw9jd/cant_stop_binging/

[Rant/Rave] I don't know how people love exercise.
/u/UnskinnyVegan [171cm | Too high | Too high | Ick | ]
Created: Fri Jan 12 05:21:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pw8h0/i_dont_know_how_people_love_exercise/
I started going to the gym more often and I do weights to tone my body and feel more compact. Thing is, even with BCAA/caffeine/electrolytes, I struggle. But I'm there, every morning at half past 6.

For the past two days, I took a class that teaches people how to lift and working out around people makes me feel sick. I met this tiny girl who "complimented" me over my "curves", especially my hips.

I *have* hips. Like, even when I was larger, I *had* hips with hipbones that protrude and they are *there* and *large*. I hate them. I hate how big they are. I hate how they look. I typically wear longer clothing on top to hide them.

I ignored the compliment and she just went on and on about my hips. She told me how I should "accentuate" them. She asked me about exercises I used to "build" my lower body. That made me feel sick. I feel like I need to restrict harder.

I also forced myself to do my best in front of others. I get so anxious around people that it gives me superhuman powers and I can do everything... but then, I get home and I feel like less of a person. I feel deflated.

I forced myself to do these exercises and now I'm sore all over and constantly taking painkillers because I just can't stand the soreness. I feel so agitated and I keep hearing her talk about my hips in my head. I hate the gym and I don't want to go there ever... but it's my New Year's resolution to go to the gym 200 days out of the year. Life sucks. Resolutions suck. People suck.

[Help] Scared of traveling with my friend for two weeks/need advice
Created: Fri Jan 12 05:18:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pw7y3/scared_of_traveling_with_my_friend_for_two/

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 12, 2018
Created: Fri Jan 12 05:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pw73y/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for January 12, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 12, 2018
Created: Fri Jan 12 05:12:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pw73i/daily_food_diary_january_12_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 12, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] Just downloaded peach at last, add me (pinnekjottt) or comment your username and we can all support each other!
Created: Fri Jan 12 04:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvwux/just_downloaded_peach_at_last_add_me_pinnekjottt/

[Other] just downloaded peach at last, add me (pinnekjottt) or leave your username in the comments and we can all support each other!
Created: Fri Jan 12 03:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvtto/just_downloaded_peach_at_last_add_me_pinnekjottt/

[Discussion] Diet tea ?
Created: Fri Jan 12 03:17:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvpn5/diet_tea/

[Rant/Rave] How to have a social life while restricting?
/u/InterchangeableMoon [Height 5'0" | CW 110 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 03:09:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvobe/how_to_have_a_social_life_while_restricting/
This has been a running theme with the holidays and everyone wanting to hang out and get out more often in the first few weeks of the new year. I want to get out of the house and hang out with people but it feels like it always leads to food and/or alcohol.

Which is fine except that I’m a restricter/exercise bulimic and I haven’t told anyone and I still want to look normal to other people. So I eat and I drink and then lay in bed at night and cry about everything I ate and drank outside of my caloric budget. And I love the food. I love the cocktails. But I hate that they stop me from my goals. I hate that I feel pressured to be normal. I hate that I can’t say anything about how unhealthy things are because I don’t want to give them any impression how obsessive I am about calories, volume, and my body.

It’s so isolating because I don’t want to feel stuck at home alone on the weekends, but everyone only ever wants to get meals together and drink if I do make plans with other people. I know I could make “healthier” choices. I know I can find ways to cut calories. But I don’t want to make it look like I’m being obsessive and i feel like I’m so hyper aware of all of the weird shit that I do.

I bought a skirt online that’s an extra small and it arrived today and just BARELY fits. I keep thinking to myself that once I lose like 5 more pounds it’ll be perfect. And that kind of triggered me and sent me into this tailspin writing and thinking about it. Idk. Sorry for the weird post, I’m just trying not to be anxious about everything that happened today. I feel like I’m losing my mind...

[Rant/Rave] recovery sucks
/u/plumbum-dirigible [5'3| CW 99 | 17.5 | UGW 89 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 02:59:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvmye/recovery_sucks/
I'm afraid to gain weight (because I don't want to be fatter than I am), I'm afraid to lose weight (because I like not balding at 18, thanks), I'm afraid to weigh myself (because what if it makes me start hard restricting again?), and I'm afraid to not weigh myself (because what if I gain too much weight?). y'all ever feel like this? like you're stuck in between wanting to recover and wanting to relapse and you feel horrible about both because you can't stand the thought of gaining weight, but you also really really want to be mentally and physically healthy??

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else getting really tired of hearing people say that everyone dislikes something about themselves when they vent their insecurities?
Created: Fri Jan 12 02:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvhbb/is_anyone_else_getting_really_tired_of_hearing/
I get it, I do, I know why people say it, but it's as frustrating as the "there are children starving in Africa" that my mom occasionally likes to throw out when I say I'm not happy. It doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me regret saying anything at all.

And it's an empty statement. You know what a doctor once told me when I said I hated my body? That *she* hated the shape of her *nails.* That's precisely why the statement is so empty. It completely ignores scale. It completely ignores how much any of those insecurities or dislikes actually effect people. And maybe that's their point, that because everyone has insecurities, dislikes and gets along fine, that I should too, but I think that point is just as stupid. If everyone just *gets over* insecurities, then are they *really* insecurities?


[Other] My puppy died
/u/thinandmint [5' | 105 | GW 90 | 🍑 thinandmint ]
Created: Fri Jan 12 02:03:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvf0k/my_puppy_died/
I don't know why I'm posting this here but I don't have friends and I can't fucking deal

She suffocated in a bag at my parents house I wasn't even there

She was the only joy in my life keeping me from spiraling into my depression and ED

This world is so fucking unfair what am I going to do without my best friend

I can starve binge purge drink drugs but no self destructive behavior can numb this

Edit: Don't have the energy to properly respond rn but ty all for your support it means the world to me. You are all precious humans

[Rant/Rave] Binged again, can't get my life together :)
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Fri Jan 12 01:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pvbjh/binged_again_cant_get_my_life_together/
I'm trying so hard. First part of the day, fucking great. Magical. Second part of the day? Depressed, lonely, binged. Loneliness is definitely my binge trigger. I'm tryna build hobbies to combat the loneliness but it's hard. I just want to stop binging. DAE get back pain when they binge hard and literally can't find a comfortable position because that is what I'm going through rn. How are all y'alls nights going? I hope better than mine.

[Rant/Rave] Even if someone proves me that i'm wrong, I'll never feel safe or believe any app or website.
Created: Fri Jan 12 00:41:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pv3h9/even_if_someone_proves_me_that_im_wrong_ill_never/

[Help] Can't figure out where/how to buy Bronkaid or Primatene for ECA stacking
/u/ViscousCerebrum [Height 5'3| CW 100.4lbs| GW 80lbs]
Created: Thu Jan 11 23:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7puqx7/cant_figure_out_wherehow_to_buy_bronkaid_or/
Like I said, I can't find where to buy it. I can't find it online. The only place that might have it is Walmart but I've read that it's still hard to get there. Is there any other product that contains ephedrine that doesn't cost like $50?

[Discussion] DAE reject food no matter how much they like it?
Created: Thu Jan 11 23:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7puqfb/dae_reject_food_no_matter_how_much_they_like_it/
I do this with fruit. It's good for me and it's SO sweet and yummy. I feel like I was enjoying myself too much, so I stopped eating fruit completely. Now it's a huge fear food. Has anyone done anything like this?

[Rant/Rave] Imagine a version of Lena Dunham’s body (circa 2011ish) that’s the same size, but you can also see all of her bones.
Created: Thu Jan 11 22:15:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pueta/imagine_a_version_of_lena_dunhams_body_circa/

[Rant/Rave] My therapist asked me if I’ve lost weight
Created: Thu Jan 11 21:02:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pu0r1/my_therapist_asked_me_if_ive_lost_weight/
So I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster, gained 10 pounds before the holidays and had been on vacation with my family, so there was tons of food and I always had to eat with everyone, but I’ve been on and off the recovery train since mid November.
I think I was actually starting to come to a pretty good place, I was feeling a lot less guilt about what I ate for some reason, and had only B&Ped once this whole month and I was absolutely hammered at the time.
Idk where it came from but I was feeling okay and I also managed to lose the holiday weight without restricting too much.
Then I had my first appointment with my therapist since I went away, and the first thing she did was look at me very hard and serious and ask me very concerned “Did you lose more weight? You look like you’ve lost weight.”
I cannot describe how good that felt. It was seriously like a drug. No one had commented on my weight loss in months and I knew she wasn’t lying because to her it’s a bad thing and she was concerned.
It’s so massively fucked up but that comment felt so good that I’ve been restricting and working out hardcore every day since then.
I want those comments back, I want to be noticeably smaller.
God fucking dammit, the fucking irony.

[Help] Want to start EC stacking
Created: Thu Jan 11 20:34:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptuwz/want_to_start_ec_stacking/
Ok so I have been bingeing way too fucking much lately and I need to get back on track.
I am planning one last binge tonight and to start EC stacking tomorrow.

Can anyone tell me exactly what I need to get and how much to take? I live in the US.


[Discussion] Restriction brain-fog while I'm 'in recovery' ugh
Created: Thu Jan 11 20:24:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptsv9/restriction_brainfog_while_im_in_recovery_ugh/
Like I convince myself that I'm "eating a normal amount" and "seriously pursuing recovery" and my favorite.... "MAYBE EVEN EATING TOO MUCH, I SHOULD PROBABLY SLOW DOWN BECAUSE MY CLOTHES ARE TIGHT AND REFLECTION IS UNRECOGNIZABLE"


I have that all-too-familiar restriction brain-fog/dead eyes/can't think straight feeling that is absolutely malnutrition.

Plus I just weighed myself and I lost 3 pounds since choosing to recover soooooo....


[Rant/Rave] I’m getting Invisalign!
/u/ppyeosae [62in | CW 100lbs | BMI 18.95 | GW 95lbs | UGW 85lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 20:20:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptrwv/im_getting_invisalign/
And you know what that means?

I have to wear those suckers for 22 hours every day, which means I can reduce my calorie intake. Then opting for low calorie soups and other soft foods won’t be suspicious anymore because I’ll have aches in my teeth!

So, 9 months from now, I’ll have straight teeth and be closer to my goal weight!

[Rant/Rave] what the fuck
/u/shiraruru [159cm | 45.0kg | 3kg | f]
Created: Thu Jan 11 20:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptqxo/what_the_fuck/

[Discussion] Recovery IP Day 2
/u/snail_love [5'6" | F | CW: not enough | GW: never enough]
Created: Thu Jan 11 20:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptq7i/recovery_ip_day_2/
Hey everyone! I'm here, officially inpatient at a treatment center. So far, it's not awful. I actually would say my main emotion has been relief for most of the time. I haven't purged in two days, which is a record for the last two years. Cause yeah, it was every day multiple times a day. I'm eating all the meals they give me, and for now I'm on a non-gaining plan which makes me feel better about doing that. I miss my family and my partner, but not to the point of being really depressed or crying. Mentally overall I'm honestly enjoying letting go of my purge cycle and the need to do anything but just be in the moment with myself.

Physically it sucks. Because I was so deep into the purging, my glands are swollen, I'm constipated and retaining water like crazy and they won't let me have as much to drink as I'd like and that sucks. Also I have to pee and shower with someone near and checking after me before I flush, etc. Which is SUPER weird to get used to and more than once I've REALLY had to go and then can't because of... pee stage fright I guess?

I think the hardest part is honestly how I relate to the other patients. Some of them seem so much sicker than me. I'm not jealous exactly, but in some ways I feel guilty that I can eat my food and they're tubed or like they're watching my every bite. It makes me really self-conscious. But then again, they probably are too.

Anyway, that's some quick thoughts from the start of all of this! I love you all and appreciate all your support! <3 <3

[Help] I’ve lost control and I really need help
Created: Thu Jan 11 20:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptnjc/ive_lost_control_and_i_really_need_help/
Sorry I’m a lol tipsy so this might be all over the place but I really need help.

I feel like I have lost whatever control I had over this disorder. I don’t even know if I have one or not but I have spiraled.

Up until recently I have been able to restrict very well and that was my main issue but as of the past couple weeks I have really been struggling with bingeing and purging. Whenever I eat anything it turns into a binge, I can’t fucking help it and then I feel so bad about myself that I can’t help but throw it up and I am so terrified of gaining weight.

I don’t want to be like this. I want to be able to eat fucking normally. I just ate a normal amount and still fucking felt like I had to throw it up. I am so scared of this and I don’t know what to do.
Counting calories makes me fucking miserable and stressed and I would rather not eat at all so I can’t do that. I’m afraid to go see a counselor because I know it will bring up a lot of hard shit that I’m not in a place to deal with.

I am 6 pounds bloated right now and I have been gaining a pound a week these past two weeks from the bingeing and I can’t fucking stop.

I don’t always get very much feedback here but I’m really hoping someone is able to say something to help because I am fucking freaking out and I am so scared. All I want to do is eat, I want to eat everything sooooo badly but when I do I feel fucking horrible. I feel so good fasting but I have only been able to do like 70 hours weekly and all that does is cancel out what I eat the rest of the time (not even fully bc I am two lbs up). And when I’m fasting I am constantly thinking about food.

I don’t want to be like this but I don’t know how to stop and I’m just so afraid.

non-ED thing that made me lol
/u/what_in_carnation [5'2 | 113lb]
Created: Thu Jan 11 19:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptmow/noned_thing_that_made_me_lol/
So today, classes started for me but I felt like shit because I got too drunk the night before and I’ve been dealing with a nasty hangover all day.

After classes were done, the nausea seemed like it was only getting worse so I went to the bathroom to throw up (in hopes that it’d make me feel better)

There was another girl in the stall next to me (tbh I didn’t care because I just felt so fucking shitty) and lmao idk if anyone else can relate but you know when you can just TELL when someone is waiting for you to leave so they can shit in peace?? Like someone’s in there for an extended period of time not making any noise???

So it’s dead silent in there and I start forcing myself to throw up (I’ve only had crackers at this point so it was more bile than anything and a lot of gagging noises) and after a few minutes, this girl gets up and shuffles out of there

and I’m thinking “jfc she probably thinks I’m bulimic or something — I mean, I am, but it’s not related to this”

had a good chuckle about that

tldr; threw up in a bathroom at uni bc of a hangover and scared off a girl that was just trying to shit

(sorry, no flair because mobile)

[Rant/Rave] Sad
/u/vctrlcs [5'6" | CW: 150.8 | UGW: 115 | BMI: 24.4 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 19:43:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptjud/sad/

[Help] Period weight gain
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 19:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pthsl/period_weight_gain/
I have binged yesterday and today up to 1500 calories and I need to slow the fuck down. I’m on my period so I am very bloated and I weigh 5lbs more than I did two days ago. My increased sodium and period bloating is making me feel so disgusting can anyone offer advice? I just want to feel like “cleaner” I guess. For those of you who get your period, what do you do to help with this kids of gross bloating and increased sodium. I am going to fast tomorrow I go straight from school to work to my team meeting till 10 so hopefully I won’t eat anything. Just Diet Pepsi as per usual.

[Goal] Recovery victory?! Hit my low weight, and then! (saving you from the clickbait) ...I ate!
/u/dbt-girl [5'2" | 114]
Created: Thu Jan 11 19:29:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ptgp4/recovery_victory_hit_my_low_weight_and_then/
So I woke up this morn around 113 and was like, “hm.”

Part of me still wanted to go lower, but most of me was just dead to the news my scale gave me. I just acknowledged the fact that I was back at my LW. Ok.

But instead of trying to push the issue and find myself a new LW, I went off to campus and...

... I ate a 1,000 calorie breakfast. Yeah.

Not like a binge breakfast, just a normal-sized, veerrrryyy calorie dense breakfast. A burrito and a salted caramel mocha. And it was fucking delicious.

I consciously may have had a zero cal energy drink and skipped lunch, but the important thing is the breakfast stayed in my fucking stomach. I didn’t purge. And while there was definitely anxiety associated with ordering the burrito and mocha, I didn’t have anxiety after consuming it. I just accepted.

Since I skipped lunch, I ended up having a donut. One of the managers was excitedly informing me that our grocery store fries all their donuts in-house... ugg, and I ate one. The whole thing. And as weird as it sounds, I’m proud that I ate this stupid fucking donut.

For dinner I had a salad and two bowls of soup. I think I will probably lax, tbh... but I’m really trying to learn to enjoy food again. Even if the progress isn’t perfect.

[Help] How is it even possible to get out of a rut like this
/u/eldariya [6'4 / 192cm | 166lbs / 75.5kg | 19.2 | -100 | M]
Created: Thu Jan 11 18:52:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pt8gw/how_is_it_even_possible_to_get_out_of_a_rut_like/

[Discussion] just saw this on my IG feed- what are your opinions on this?
Created: Thu Jan 11 18:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pt5x1/just_saw_this_on_my_ig_feed_what_are_your/

[Discussion] so physics really shouldn’t work this way but hey I ain’t complaining
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 100]
Created: Thu Jan 11 17:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pss99/so_physics_really_shouldnt_work_this_way_but_hey/
so according to my spreadsheet I should be 118.9 lbs rn

I just weighed myself and I’m 114.8. I know we scale is accurate and I’ve been drinking a fuck ton of water lately, it’s not dehydration

anyone else experienced something like this?

[Discussion] Server struggles
Created: Thu Jan 11 16:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7psi8l/server_struggles/
So I have two jobs, both serving/bartending. I've been in a heavy fasting and restricting phase lately, calling it "IF" so no one bats an eye, and it's been working pretty well. If I eat, I don't typically do it until at least 4pm so my daily allowance of calories are saved for when I feel bingy at night. But today I was serving a banquet lunch and there was a ton of food leftover so the chefs made everyone a plate and my manager told me to take a break so I can eat. This was around 1pm. I felt way too awkward to not eat while everyone else around the table was so I compromised with myself and just ate the roasted veggies and my salad. Left the rice and meat on the plate and put it in a to go box which I didn't end up taking home with me on purpose. Now I'm highly annoyed because I feel like I fucked up my fast by eating. Which I did obviously. And now I feel like I shouldn't eat for the rest of the day even though it was probably only like 100 calories but I want to just start my fast over to redeem myself and take back control of when I decide to eat not when I'm told to eat.

Just needed to vent a little. I hate when life fucks up my schedule. I have been doing so well and I wasn't even hungry yet kinda got cornered into eating anyways and I'm disappointed in myself for giving in. Could've blatantly said no or lie and say I had a big breakfast/wasn't hungry. Either way, serving might literally be the death of me. Anyone else constantly around food for their job and hating life because of it? 😑

[Discussion] Strained neck from vomiting
Created: Thu Jan 11 16:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pshj3/strained_neck_from_vomiting/
I know this is absolutely possible, but have any of you pulled a muscle or strained your neck from throwing up?

[Help] just binged feeling super sad :(
Created: Thu Jan 11 16:33:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pschu/just_binged_feeling_super_sad/
I had a moment of clarity walking towards the snack room (its a room full of basically free junk food for grad students its hell) of like, you have a choice, then I was like MEH and 1200 cals later I am so sad and ashamed of myself :( This past week I was doing so good too. I don't understand it. WHY

[Rant/Rave] My coworker straight up did not recognize me
/u/circuitghost [5'9" | CW: ~139 | GW: 127 | F | 🍑roboghost ]
Created: Thu Jan 11 15:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ps42e/my_coworker_straight_up_did_not_recognize_me/
My work unit has two areas - one lab in the hub of the hospital, and one lab outside of downtown for less time-sensitive processes. I had to go to the downtown location for a meeting today, and when I walked in one coworker turned to another and quietly said "I want to say hi to Circuitghost but is that her??"

Then they came over and said that I lost a ton of weight, and we've been hiring so they thought I might have been a new person.

I've both changed my hair and lost weight so it's not entirely surprising, Tbh, but it's validating as hell

(on mobile, tried to flair, hope it worked??)

[Discussion] Does anyone use their bullet journal for ED purposes? How does your spreads look like?
/u/hanabira [5"1 🌼 120 🌼 100 🌼 22F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 15:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prtik/does_anyone_use_their_bullet_journal_for_ed/

First day under 1000 calories in 18 months!!
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2'' | 180 | BMI 34.1 | Female]
Created: Thu Jan 11 15:08:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prrem/first_day_under_1000_calories_in_18_months/

[Discussion] January 10/11th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prm72/january_1011th_question_of_the_day/
Sorry for really slacking lately. Still depressed and feeling like shit.

10th: What inspired you today?

11th: What did you lose today?

[Rant/Rave] Got accidentally drunk last night?
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:45:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prl3z/got_accidentally_drunk_last_night/
And told my girlfriend I didn’t want to eat until we went to Vegas (as I was stuffing my face w celery and hummus). We went out and I had a couple drinks on an empty stomach and shared a small app w her bc it would be rude and obvious if I didn’t and it was the first food I’ve eaten in three days so obvi two drinks was gonna make me a bit more drunk than usual. So we got home and I just said it as we were talking and she just looked at me and said “why don’t you just do it the healthy way, I don’t get it.” And it just validated all of my fears and concerns and everything I’ve been worried about and stressed about and made me feel so disgusting. I told her thanks now I want to go throw all of this up and just went to bed.

This was like the straw that broke the camels back. She’s been making tons of comments about my clothing choices, telling me x or y is too much or things don’t look good. It’s been constant and it just feels like way more commentary than normal and I feel like it is because I’m like 20 pounds heavier than I was when we started dating like two years ago.

Additionally, she only wants to have sex when she wants to have sex. If I wanna have sex she always has an excuse, a reason not to. We still have a lot of sex, yes but it just feels like she has to be “in the mood” to have sex w me and that I don’t make her in the mood because I’m fat and unattractive.

Anyway it feels like I’m projecting but I’m also just like really annoyed and upset and I want to go get Taco Bell and binge and purge for the day.

Am I overreacting?

[Other] Cheese alternatives?
/u/nitra_bon [Height 5'3 | CW 108lbs | GW 99lbs | Weight Lost -14lbs| Gender F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:44:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prl1y/cheese_alternatives/
Any low cal cheese recommendations? I use this amish cheese flavored powder sometimes for eggs and veggies, but want to find something with a little more substance to put on sandwiches (Aka 35 calorie bread with 2 slices of turkey, where my Sarah Lee people at).

[Rant/Rave] I have a new best friend
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 120lb | gw 110lb | bmi 21]
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prj23/i_have_a_new_best_friend/
(I didn’t know what to flair this, feel free to change it)

So yesterday was shoulder day at the gym and I was going pretty hard on that one rear delt machine that can also be used for chest flys (lol no idea what it’s called) when I got completely distracted by the TV in front of me.

Usually they’re playing Fox or CNN but they had the show “My 600 pound life” on and a woman was pretty much sobbing over her weight because she couldn’t get out of the bathtub.

Well this cute thin girl on the machine next to me noticed me staring in awe at the television and said “Motivating, isn’t it?” and then winked in the cutest way I’ve ever seen.

That was the only conversation I’ve had with her but I’m pretty much in love you guys

/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 133.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:32:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prhxi/my_new_add_meds_took_away_my_appetite/





[Rant/Rave] I'm so confused!
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7preev/im_so_confused/

[Rant/Rave] EC stacking and losing control
/u/lavendersmoke [5'5" | CW idk?? | GW 105 | SW 135 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 14:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7prebg/ec_stacking_and_losing_control/
I've gotten into regularly EC stacking and I love it, super easy to skip meals and I've stopped having dessert as my main food source. It's gotten me back into heavy restriction though and as a result I've gotten very picky about what I do eat, because fuck wasting calories.

I was with a friend earlier and she wanted to eat so I agreed to get sandwiches with her. Cue one of the worst sandwiches I've had in awhile, it sucked and cost $10. So not only was it a waste of money but also calories, and then when I tried to purge it out in the public bathroom it refused to come up. Fucking awful. The day is ruined, and I wasn't even hungry.

Sorry I just need to vent, this hasn't happened in awhile since I've been really good at holding back on eating when they invite me but today I was like "why not"

[Rant/Rave] Back and ashamed
Created: Thu Jan 11 13:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pr7t4/back_and_ashamed/
So I’ve been MIA for a bit. Basically because I got into a disgusting binge cycle and i felt like I didn’t belong here, whether it be just to read let alone to actually contribute. But my depression about this weight gain over the last month ish has finally pushed me over the edge. I need to get back to restricting or I will not have time to look how I want to look over the summer. Too scared to weigh myself currently so I’m not sure what I gained (pretty sure it is significant)so my plan is to restrict hard for at least a couple weeks before I do that or it will make me insane.

Just wanted to let y’all know I am alive and well(fed😑) and will be back to giving daily updates on my one coffee and one meal a day lol

Love you all 💖

[Rant/Rave] recovery feels
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW: uhhhhhhhhh scale broke]
Created: Thu Jan 11 13:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pr1c9/recovery_feels/

[Rant/Rave] Hiding it better than I thought
Created: Thu Jan 11 13:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pr124/hiding_it_better_than_i_thought/

[Help] Can’t figure out how to flair user name
Created: Thu Jan 11 12:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pqrqr/cant_figure_out_how_to_flair_user_name/

[Help] Any guidance/tips on how to begin ECA stacking in the UK?
Created: Thu Jan 11 12:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pqpgv/any_guidancetips_on_how_to_begin_eca_stacking_in/

[Help] How to not over-eat out of country? Tips?
/u/oafmeal [5'8" | CW 135]
Created: Thu Jan 11 12:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pqmhn/how_to_not_overeat_out_of_country_tips/

[Other] Not too sure how to feel
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 56.9 kg | -26.6 kg | 22F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 12:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pqe69/not_too_sure_how_to_feel/
(I'm not sure if this is a rant or not, if you do consider it as one feel free to chsnge my flair @mods)

I'm really depressed and stressed out for 4 months already and because my dad wanted to do something nice for me. To make me feel better he bought 2 bags of pistachios which are my favorite, and I'd usually inhale a whole bag within 10 minutes. I know I'll eat them at some point but well I'm not too excited about the calorie bomb.

I decided to just be appreciative that he thought about me and wanted to cheer me up but do you guys have any idea how I eat them moderately instead of inhaling them all at once? They are worse than bread. I'm definitely not throwing them out though.

[Thinspo] My current thinspiration (not my image)
Created: Thu Jan 11 11:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pq7vx/my_current_thinspiration_not_my_image/

[Other] Croissant binge avoided
Created: Thu Jan 11 11:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pq2c7/croissant_binge_avoided/

[Other] A comic I drew about how I spent my holidays
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW: uhhhhhhhhh scale broke]
Created: Thu Jan 11 11:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ppxjy/a_comic_i_drew_about_how_i_spent_my_holidays/

[Rant/Rave] My new calendar widget app helps me keep track of fast days vs food days using stickers
/u/annie8979 [5'8" | 154lbs | 23.4 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 11:00:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ppx8p/my_new_calendar_widget_app_helps_me_keep_track_of/

I'm so proud of myself
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2'' | 180 | BMI 34.1 | Female]
Created: Thu Jan 11 10:18:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ppmfi/im_so_proud_of_myself/

[Rant/Rave] I can’t stand what I’ve become
/u/floodinginmymind [5'8" | CW: 135 | BMI: 20.4 | WL: 47 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 09:05:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pp38s/i_cant_stand_what_ive_become/
I’ve been in inpatient a few times in the past three months for self harm, but they make you eat all three meals. I had to stay with my parents a bunch and they made me eat too (they found out about me starving myself).

I can see how much weight I’ve gained in the mirror. I won’t even weigh myself because I know I’ll have a breakdown if I do.

I am restricting as much as possible again but people are watching me and what I eat. I have to lose all this weight again, and I’m so fucking sad about it. Everyone that is making me eat drives me to hating myself even more... why can’t they see that?

TL;DR - people are making me eat and I’m getting fat.

[Rant/Rave] Japan's getting a zero calorie Coke with laxatives in it
Created: Thu Jan 11 08:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pp17d/japans_getting_a_zero_calorie_coke_with_laxatives/

Created: Thu Jan 11 08:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pp0pr/take_me_to_japan/

[Rant/Rave] “i guess that’s where all you’re fat is carried”
Created: Thu Jan 11 08:52:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pozo9/i_guess_thats_where_all_youre_fat_is_carried/
i have a malicious friend who isn’t scared to say what she thinks even if it’s mean. today in front of everyone she started going on about how fat my ANKLES looked?! yay another piece of my body to be insecure about. everyone was laughing and looking at my ankles? she then continued it on to be all nice “maybe it’s just because you’re legs are so skinny” “that must be where you carry all your fat” i have no idea what to even take from this? thanks friend?

[Rant/Rave] Last weekend was so validating
/u/SasssyFrass [5'4" | CW: 113.5 lb GW: 105 lb | BMI: 19.5 | female]
Created: Thu Jan 11 07:59:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pomnn/last_weekend_was_so_validating/
Last weekend a school group I'm in spent all day doing a high ropes/obstacle/team building challenge course. We had to do activities like use teamwork to build pathways between wooden platforms, get everyone across a 12 foot high wall, get the team through a tightrope obstacle course, etc.

Guys. In every activity, I was the automatic "skinny girl". Whenever someone light needed to be tossed up somewhere or walk across the precarious plank or be carried, everyone automatically nominated me. Even though there were other girls there, not even fat girls, I was the obvious choice?! I feel so fat when I look in the mirror but holy shit that was so validating. Made it easier to skip the goddamn potato chips they put out for lunch and just eat a plain burger patty >_<

[Tip] PSA: Dollar general has 0 cal sweeteners heckin cheap.
/u/idontevenliketeatbh [23F 5'3" | cw.156 | ugw.100 | lost.43lbs ☕ ]
Created: Thu Jan 11 07:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7polrd/psa_dollar_general_has_0_cal_sweeteners_heckin/
Just wanted to let y'all know! 1$ for a whole box of "0" cal sweetners. I usually see em for like 2 or 3. They had every kind too; stevia, aspartame, sucralose, saccharine, another one I can't remember. (:

[Intro] Back... back again
/u/AngelicZero [5'5.5"|-39| UGW115 | 12 Days BF]
Created: Thu Jan 11 07:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pokin/back_back_again/
So, I remember when I first found this sub and saw girls reintroducing themselves. Thought is was so weird and silly. Why would you EVER want to leave?

I left without a word. I started therapy and treating my bipolar type 2. Then one day this place just disgusted me and I was so sick of feeling this way. I just was maintaining because I could never just lose weight and eat 1200 calories without starting to feel guilty.

On January 1st I felt ready to tackle the fat beast again. To get to that goal of 115 so I could finally go to Japan for my 25th birthday and buy all the Liz Lisa clothes I desired. I want to ransack Shibuya 109.

I decided the best way to stop fucking up my diet was to start going healthy (and to save my wallet from fast food). I wanted to start with cutting out fast food for January. February was limiting chips and snack foods. Then I'd assess my next goals from there. 1200 calories a day. Also, the rule was don't beat yourself up if you go to 1500.

I fought a few thoughts that begged me to stop eating for the night when I was at 800 calories. I told myself no even though the high felt so good.

Then I was on my tumblr (I unfollowed all the thinspo blogs and was just following people into Kpop and Liz Lisa type fashion) and this amazingly beautiful girl who posted body checks popped up. All I wanted was that again. 10 days into the new year and getting back to losing weight and here I am again.

Oh, random thinspo blog I missed when I was unfollowing... why? Lol

Hello again friends.

[Discussion] Back Pain?
/u/aeroplanessky [5"3 | 110]
Created: Thu Jan 11 07:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7poerq/back_pain/
I've been dealing with my ED since 2007, but I've recently developed some pretty serious lower back pain. I'm fairly certain it got this way through the combination of sitting at a desk for work every day and one bad lifting incident, but I'm worried af that me not eating/eating less than 500 most days is going to hurt it more.

What can I do to help take care of this problem while I starve? For reference, recently I've been sticking pretty heavily to day fasts or less than 300 with an occasional 500 or 600 Cal day.

[Help] how can i get a bigger butt??
/u/psybeams [5'3 | CW 125 | GW 105| 17F]
Created: Thu Jan 11 07:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pody4/how_can_i_get_a_bigger_butt/

[Help] Where can I find 22-23 inch waist jeans for average height/tallish girls?
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 100]
Created: Thu Jan 11 06:46:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7po5yb/where_can_i_find_2223_inch_waist_jeans_for/
I’ve found a few pairs but they’re all for petite girls

Preferably pretty cheap as I’m sorta broke

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 11, 2018
Created: Thu Jan 11 05:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pnocv/weekly_emotional_support_january_11_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 11, 2018
Created: Thu Jan 11 05:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pno33/daily_food_diary_january_11_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 11, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Things to be thankful for, positive post
Created: Thu Jan 11 04:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pngos/things_to_be_thankful_for_positive_post/

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm taking crazy pills
/u/DeftHeathen [5'9 | CW 199 | UGW 120 | WL 27 | BMI 29.5]
Created: Thu Jan 11 03:39:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pn9nj/i_feel_like_im_taking_crazy_pills/
I have another 5ish lbs to lose to get to my pre-Christmas weight. For the last week my average intake was 880cal per day, highest day was just under 1300cal. I've started going to the gym, as before I was a total couch potato and only did walking for exercise. I'm doing IF everyday, 16/8 intervals. I've purged a few times when I've had larger meals.

Since Saturday, I have only lost 0.6lbs. Where TF is this weight coming from?! Am I plateauing? Is it water weight? Why is my hard work not paying off?

I know it will come off eventually, I'm just so frustrated and blah. I have another ~60lbs to lose at least from my pre-Christmas weight, so why is this 5lbs just not moving? I can't eat any less and I'm going crazy inside my own head :(

Just needed to rant. If anybody has any suggestions (I don't EC stack and I don't lax) that would be appreciated.

[Help] New here! I have a question for you guys
Created: Thu Jan 11 03:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pn7mw/new_here_i_have_a_question_for_you_guys/
So I'm new to this sub. I stopped looking at pro ana blogs and websites a few years ago when I started putting weight back on. I'm 5'8.5 and at my lowest I was 102lbs. Now...I must be around 150lbs, at least. It's hard to look in the mirror. I've really let myself go, and allowed myself to comfort eat and binge way too much. It's going to change now.

I was just thinking of when I weighed a lot less, and I wore skimpy outfits that showed my arms, stomach and legs. And I imagined myself wearing similar outfits when I get the weight off again. But then I remembered. Both of my arms and one leg are heavily covered in self harm scars now (this only started in the last two years or so, after I started putting weight back on). And now I feel so sad. Knowing that even if I manage to get down to a weight I feel happy with... I won't be able to feel confident with my body.

I wanted to ask if anybody else here has dealt with similar issues regarding self harm? And what are your thoughts on it? Do you cover up or do you just brave it? I'm so scared that I'll never been seen as pretty, just as damaged.

[Other] 🌸daily reminder that if your weight is normal/overweight, your eating disorder is just as valid of those who are underweight🌸
/u/lunamoon1 [165.5cm | cw: 111.6| lw: 93lbs |20f]
Created: Thu Jan 11 01:54:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pmufq/daily_reminder_that_if_your_weight_is/
My anorexia started off when I was 167lbs and I’m still suffering just as much when I was there. It took me 6 months to get to outpatients because my weight was normal/overweight and it took me getting so ill to get treatment which by that point I was too far gone and now been forced into inpatient twice (I just came out yesterday).

Just because your illness isn’t visible to others, its still valid and you all deserve the best treatment and care❤️

[Rant/Rave] what my ed has turned me into
Created: Thu Jan 11 00:19:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pmgr2/what_my_ed_has_turned_me_into/

[Rant/Rave] I hate that this disease ruins what should be nice random acts of kindness.
/u/skipintorabbitholes [5'3" | CW: 107.8 | GW: 95 | 22Enby]
Created: Wed Jan 10 23:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pmde9/i_hate_that_this_disease_ruins_what_should_be/
For context I relapsed last year. Surprised I recovered for as long as I had (~2-3 years) considering it began when I was 10-11 and several hospital stays later. I can't afford being hospitalised again, especially after going into the ER for passing out in June without health insurance, so I can't relapse. But I need to be at least a safe weight so I'll be content (I know, I know). Technically already hit it also last year at 94 but stupidly told my friends and they fed me back to 110.

At the groceries I got vitamins, juice, sugar free Red Bull, two chocolate Breyers delights just in case as "safe" go-to binge items. Basically all safe. There's a McDonald's across the street. I've lost 4 pounds without exercising since the 1st even after eating an entire personal size pizza on Sunday. I hadn't ate since Sunday, with a 3 mile total walk I thought it'd be safe to eat two chicken tenders.

It's my fault I'm so passive but I waited 25 minutes before I asked them about my order. They forgot by accident which I didn't mind at all. They personally handed me my bag at the table I was waiting at. Except they added in a burger, sandwich, and even a side, to apologise. To a $2 order.

I'm sure anyone else with a normal relationship with food would have been ecstatic. Probably would have been really happy, maybe even happily sigh after finishing it all joking about having a food baby. I don't know. I'm messed up again so my immediate thought was, "I'll just throw the rest away once I get home."

That lasted until I got through the doors at midnight. Managed to basically inhale it all in 15 minutes.

All goddamn 1200 calories of it. Not sure the exact amount since it's McDonald's and I didn't eat the bread. Cried since then, can't purge because bathroom is right by my roommates room and their door is always open at night. I even finished one of the pints now. I hate this disease for ruining a random act of kindness from someone who was just trying to be nice and fixing a mistake (which was my own fault). I want a healthy relationship with food but I also don't want to recover. I also know once I finally commit I don't stop.

I want out of this fucking nightmare.

[Discussion] How has your ED transformed throughout your life?
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Wed Jan 10 23:43:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pmauu/how_has_your_ed_transformed_throughout_your_life/
To start this post, I’m sorry if it’s not super on topic. I’ve been feeling really down and having casual suicidal thoughts. I’ve been thinking a lot about my history with EDs; I wanted to share, and also hear stories from you guys.


I started restricting thinking I had to be skinny and pretty to find someone who would love me. I remember when I hit 120 pounds at 14, I fasted for 19 days by lying to my parents everyday and purposely leaving the house during meal times because I wanted to be at 110 for my first kiss. The thought of him touching my waist and feeling fat horrified me. I truly believed no boy would think I would be worth hanging around if I was fat.

Instead, I just got heavier and heavier. But the boys kept coming. And some were crazy enough to stay. I don’t worry about my body affecting my love life anymore.

Now it’s about self love. I have this shitty mindset that I’ll finally be able to love myself when I get back down to 110 pounds someday. I just thought about this recently and realized how sad it was that I once worried about looking pretty/slim enough to be loved, but now I’m loved despite not meeting my own standards for that and don’t know how to love myself. I feel suicidal all the time because of emotions that spring from eating habits. How I wish I could be 14 again and make myself realize no worthwhile boy gives a shit about extra fat if you’re confident and love yourself. I wish I could go back in time and focus on that. But this is my life now.

How has your ED transformed when it comes to motivations/habits/rituals?

[Other] Dichotomy of life v work
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 23:33:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pm99j/dichotomy_of_life_v_work/
I’m a nurse and I’m not underweight and I want to be thinner obviously but I feel like sometimes nurses always expect other nurses to be bigger and heavier. I suppose it’s because if you look too small or whatnot how will you take care of idk bariatric patients?? Also I’m only 5’4” so I’m a shortie.

I want to be smaller but at work I feel out of place...like I’m not “big” enough for my job..??

Shoutout to patients who look at me and say you can’t help me you need some meat on you

Lol I’ve worked with bariatric patients please don’t you say that 😐

[Help] Recs for slimming tights?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 23:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pm6sp/recs_for_slimming_tights/
This might be a weird question but does anyone have recommendations for tights that make your legs look skinnier? I’m imaging like Spanx but for the whole leg. I’ve seen a few brands that do them but I don’t know which are good or if they work. Has anyone tried them?

[Other] I wouldn’t say we love it, but we’re well on our way guys!!
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 120 | 21.3 | -48 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 23:06:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pm4js/i_wouldnt_say_we_love_it_but_were_well_on_our_way/

[Rant/Rave] 25 to 18 BMI observations
Created: Wed Jan 10 22:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pm0lw/25_to_18_bmi_observations/

[Rant/Rave] Panic post because I couldn’t get anything up during my last two purges today and I need someone to e-hold my hand
Created: Wed Jan 10 21:31:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7plmwt/panic_post_because_i_couldnt_get_anything_up/

[Help] I need to know how much weight to lose. I’m going fucking nuts at how much I fluctuate these same six fucking lbs
Created: Wed Jan 10 21:05:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7plhix/i_need_to_know_how_much_weight_to_lose_im_going/

[Discussion] Coke Zero or Diet Coke?
Created: Wed Jan 10 20:57:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7plfuj/coke_zero_or_diet_coke/
Curious which one ya’ll prefer.

I think I like Coke Zero best!

[Discussion] DAE get body aches after purging?
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 29F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 20:41:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7plcax/dae_get_body_aches_after_purging/
Ya, ya I know purging is bad for me. But how bad is it that I get body aches after purging? Biologically what is going on here?

[Goal] 2018 will be a happy, healthier me!
Created: Wed Jan 10 20:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pl8v4/2018_will_be_a_happy_healthier_me/
After going through an extreme restricting and binging cycle in 2017 I’ve decided that this year will be a healthier year for me.

First-I will mainly eat plant based during the week and limit my amount of protein. I have various reasons for this but I found out that your body doesn’t need protein everyday for muscle gain and that as long as you hit your protein macros during the overall week that’s all you need. I am planning on only eating lean meats such as fish or chicken and avoiding red meat/pork. I used to be Keto and be absolutely terrified of carbs and sugar I realized I only have one life and I want to enjoy eating out with my friends and family. Strangely only after binging on garlic knots I realized carbs won’t magically make me gain 10 lbs as long as I (somehow) learn self control.

Second- I will go back to the gym 4x a week after work to regain the muscle I lost the past year from fasting and just laying down all the time. I really think exercise helps me with my mood and I want to be able to increase my BMR and lower my body fat %.

Third- Stop watching food videos/looking at high caloric recipes/watching mukbangs. There’s been studies that show that even looking at food causes you to be hungrier. Instead I will be watching fitness youtubers! (Nikki Blackketter, GoGreenGoLean, Whitney Simmons, Maryana Dvorska)

Fourth-Instead of fasting for days at a time I will be doing one meal a day (OMAD). Instead of eating with my coworkers I’ve chosen to go on a two mile walk.

Fifth-Enjoy myself on the weekends without feeling a terrible amount of shame and guilt when I go over my TDEE. I’m hoping working out will mitigate these emotions.

I’m genuinely trying to care about my health this year more than the weight on the scale. Not to say that people in the fitness industry don’t have their own version of ED’s in my opinion. I would like to have a lean but tone body, I don’t want to be only skin and bones. Even when I lost all this weight this past summer I wasn’t very happy with how I looked.

What are everybody else’s 2018 goals?

I started a binge now I can’t stop.
Created: Wed Jan 10 20:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pl7zg/i_started_a_binge_now_i_cant_stop/

[Rant/Rave] I'm falling back down this hole and I miss being at my worst.
/u/JayLenoBlows [6'1" | 151lbs | 19.9bmi | GW 125 | trans woman]
Created: Wed Jan 10 20:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pl6pe/im_falling_back_down_this_hole_and_i_miss_being/
When I was at my lowest weight, I was 5'10" and 121lbs. I can't tell if I hate myself more for feeling so weak now (because I'm not at that weight anymore) or for wanting to be right back down there. Borderline PD is killing me slowly and I wish it'd hurry the fuck up at this point, I got out of inpatient in mid December and I want to go back. Does anyone else have similar problems making up their mind to give in or to keep struggling?

[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well but today I had no control
/u/AirmansGirl [5'5 | CW 128 | GW 111| 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 19:25:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pkvzh/i_was_doing_so_well_but_today_i_had_no_control/

[Rant/Rave] Ready for another EC stack post?
/u/BrabyBusiness [5'1|110lbs|25F 🦂]
Created: Wed Jan 10 19:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pkru0/ready_for_another_ec_stack_post/

[Discussion] For those who eat when they’re bored...
/u/LittleCritterCR [5'2.5'' | 23F | GW: 115]
Created: Wed Jan 10 18:55:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pkpkh/for_those_who_eat_when_theyre_bored/
I tend to eat when I’m bored. How do you get your mind off food? I love food so much.

[Rant/Rave] Ugh fuck
Created: Wed Jan 10 18:25:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pkiy6/ugh_fuck/

[Help] How to not project my own bullshit onto my boyfriend???
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 125?? GW: 115 UGW: 108 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 18:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pkfqz/how_to_not_project_my_own_bullshit_onto_my/
My bf has put on ~15lbs since we started dating a year ago. At first, it didn't bother me at all- I actually really liked that he was a little squisher. He's just so freaking cute. I've noticed, though, the further I spiral into this relapse, the more his weight bothers me. I feel fucking awful about it. He's 6'3" and 195, so it's not like he's actually fat. I know that it's just my own bullshit.

Has anyone else experienced this?? I can't stand the thought of hurting him because of my own fucked up body issues. Heeeeeeelp :(

[Rant/Rave] My body is spiting me
Created: Wed Jan 10 18:03:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pke0m/my_body_is_spiting_me/

[Rant/Rave] I posted a food diary post on my personal Instagram w a caption talking about calorie counting
/u/Idunnoking [5’1 | CW90.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Wed Jan 10 17:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pkbt4/i_posted_a_food_diary_post_on_my_personal/

[Help] Helpful Apps?
/u/tinyme23 [5'3" | 130 | -42 lbs | F | 🍑: @lemonie]
Created: Wed Jan 10 17:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pk8mk/helpful_apps/
Okay, so I know all the common ones - MyFitnessPal is a godsend, and Peach is where my lovelies live :) I even have Days Since to track fasts (and just downloaded Zero to track fasts).

What other apps do you guys use? Any good motivational ones?

[Other] I feel all of these in a certain way.
Created: Wed Jan 10 17:25:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pk5cz/i_feel_all_of_these_in_a_certain_way/

I feel this all too well.
Created: Wed Jan 10 17:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pk4xx/i_feel_this_all_too_well/

[Rant/Rave] My ed is ruining my relationship :(
Created: Wed Jan 10 17:03:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pjzl2/my_ed_is_ruining_my_relationship/
I started seeing a guy a month ago, and he’s the sweetest most compassionate guy in the world. He cares about me and wants to see me succeed alongside him, but I just can’t. My ed is holding me back hard. All I want to do is escape from everything, my emotions, my thoughts, my daily physical pain.

He doesn’t deserve me, and I push him away as much as I can. Well not me, my disorder. If it were up to me I’d be getting better for him and actually try to live a long and healthy life alongside him, but I guess I’m just tainted. Tainted by thoughts I developed over years and years that can’t just go away in an instant.

I feel awful. He cares about me so much, and yet I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if I died tomorrow. It’s truly an awful situation I am in 😔

[Rant/Rave] Holy shit. I don’t know what to think rn.
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 100]
Created: Wed Jan 10 17:00:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pjyrd/holy_shit_i_dont_know_what_to_think_rn/
So I briefly dated this guy at the beginning of the school year who ended up kinda hurting me. We are still in the same friend group though, so most of our interactions now are just trying to avoid making awkward eye contact and completely ignoring each other. I don’t think he knows I have an ED unless he’s guessed. He’s in wrestling, which is known for having a really bad ED/diet culture surrounding it

Today I saw him in the hallway. I was walking with my friend and they stopped to talk to each other. I was trying not to look him in the eye so I was just awkwardly staring into space when my eyes caught his hand. HE HAS THE BULIMIC KNUCKLES. WITH CLEAR BITE/TEETH MARKS. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’m probably over analyzing this and freaking out too much rn, but now I feel like I NEED to talk to him.

But I don’t know how? How do I even start a conversation like that- we haven’t talked since September.

[Rant/Rave] Unintentional inspiration at the gym
/u/IndigoSeasons [5'9" | CW 138 | CGW 118 | BMI 20 | Female]
Created: Wed Jan 10 16:46:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pjv94/unintentional_inspiration_at_the_gym/
i have recently gone back to the gym after 3 hardcore weeks of fasting.

the man who owns the gym, and is totally fit, approaches me and tells me: “wow! i haven’t seen you in a while, but you have tightened up even more. my gosh, you look fantastic. keep it up, good girl!”

i feel happy.

starving myself ftw.

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up badly today and I'm trying to not let it get me down + racism rant.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 139.0 | UGW 105 | 25/F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 15:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pj9hf/i_fucked_up_badly_today_and_im_trying_to_not_let/
We're having our house exterior painted by a family friend. He's staying with us and is using my mom's bedroom. She's using my brother's and my brother is in my room. My whole space feels invaded. Also, the only working bathroom is in my mom's room aka where he's staying. I always hated having people stay in our house.

My whole routine has been upended and it stressed me out so badly. I'm already up 4 pounds because I haven't pooped and my period is due tomorrow aka pre-period bloating.

I like to have time to myself, but won't have any until Sunday. I didn't know I was helping with the house, so I'm been cleaning and moving stuff all day.

They're is stuff in the kitchen and I can't cook or even have my safe foods. So I'm eaten a bag of shredded coconut and arious pantry items. Over my TDEE a lot probably and can't even use laxatives right now either.

I've survived in the middle of a jungle during a violent civil war and being totally lost. Zero stress during that time. I'm calm in chaos. I have ER doctor style patience during trouble. But a fucking house painting is causing anxiety through the roof.

I had done so well this year and I feel like garbage today. My only solution is not to eat until he's gone.That's my only answer.

He's also pro-Trump and very tinfoil hat. We're a Bernie Sanders household. He's a good guy overall, but I swear if he brings up the wall or immigration or something stupid, I'm going to tell him my illegal Mexican, Muslim, gay best friend is coming over (I know of no such person). We live an hour from Mexico: if you don't like Mexicans you're in the wrong place! This was part of Mexico until we took it. -end random rant-

EDIT: I try to find the good in all people and was glad I was mistaken today. Yes, he's pro-Trump and not where I align politically, but he's a good person overall. I don't agree with a lot of his stuff, but we had a nice long conversation. He's also in the obscure sport I'm in and it was actually kinda nice to have a political debate without it getting bad. I called myself a heathen liberal and he just laughed and said that's cool and he hopes I still change the world for the better. After so much political shit in the world lately, it was nice to have a deep conversation and end on a good note. He's currently playing the ukelele and brought over pot brownies for my family (he runs a pot business). I'm looking wayy too deep into this because I maaayy have had a brownie, but I hate that I set myself up to not like him before I even talked to him. I always tell my brother there is something good about everyone and I didn't follow that.

[Help] Lax making me puke? TMI & Question
/u/artful_heart [5'7.5 | CW 96.5 | GW1 95 | GW2 92 | UGW 88 | BMI 14.78 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 15:16:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pj92f/lax_making_me_puke_tmi_question/
I took 3 Dulcolax last night - not on an empty stomach - since I haven't pooped in over a week and a half and I could *feel* the need to do so, but couldn't.

The good news is, I've not stopped shitting since 10pm last night, save finally getting some sleep between 930am and 3pm. Woke up, still shitting. Did not go into work today.

But... starting around 6am, I was vomiting. Like, profuse, full-strength, power-vomiting. It emptied my stomach and lasted for about three hours, before I fell asleep due to the sheer exhaustion from the night's "fun." It wasn't purging - I didn't do it on purpose. My body insisted.

Has anyone else taken laxatives and then puked their guts out??? Did I overdose?

[Rant/Rave] I want to die rn
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 100]
Created: Wed Jan 10 15:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pj8ft/i_want_to_die_rn/
Do you ever feel like you look ok but then see a pic of yourself and feel like a whale?

Today my friend posted a picture of me on his story and I looked SO FUCKING AWFUL. I told him to take it down so many times and he just laughed at me. A normal person would’ve been able to take that as a joke. Why can’t I just not care about my weight?

[Rant/Rave] Laxatives at work
/u/almondsRsessy [5'10" | 142 | -15 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 14:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7piwp5/laxatives_at_work/
So, I hadnt pooped in 4 days, and Id been extremely lax about my intake. Id been eating bread, for one, and sugar. I decided yesterday that it would be best to get all this shit out of me.

So, I brewed up a big strong cup of smooth move tea. The box said 6-12 hours, and I had about 12 hours until work. I figured this would be more gentle than traditional laxative, and I would be clean and shiny on the inside by the time I got in to work this morning.

I was wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong. I peed from my butt in the work bathroom, guys. I rushed off abruptly to the restroom right in front of my coworkers multiple times.

At this point though, I really just dont care about it enough to be embarrassed. I do feel a lot less bloated, so Im not mad about it.

Also I lost 5 lbs of shit.

[Other] Weed is both my savior and my downfall
/u/Just-That-Other-Guy [5'11" | CW: 148 lbs | BMI: 20.6 | SW: 230 lbs | -82 lbs]
Created: Wed Jan 10 14:19:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7piu5t/weed_is_both_my_savior_and_my_downfall/
I feel great on thc. I don't give a damn about what I'm eating and can just shovel anything in my face with no worry, anxiety, over thinking, nausea, calorie counting, or anything when I'm high. But I can't be high all the time. When I'm not high I feel miserable about everything I ate when I had the munchies. I'm torn because I don't know what the right thing to do is. I feel like I could really beat this ED if I could just get past how miserable I feel once I'm sober. But stepping on that scale and seeing a higher weight or even just thinking about all the shit I ate makes me want to die. I feel like I'm choosing between being happy while high and suicidal while sober or just being miserable 24/7 and both options suck :(

[Rant/Rave] Halo Top suggestions please!
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"| Fat! | UGW:112| F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 14:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pipce/halo_top_suggestions_please/
I'm in the UK and while shopping today I had to double take when I seen Halo Top on the shelves! They had 7 flavours (Chocolate, chocolate chip cookie dough, cinnamon roll, mint choc, sea salt caramel, vanilla and peanut butter cup).

Only thing is they're expensive at £5 each. I usually spend no more than £2 on ice cream as its a very rare treat for me so I'm wondering, can any of you lovely people suggest a flavour for my first time buying it? I'd like to buy one that's popular and more likely I'll like so I don't waste money on it. I like mint so was thinking that one? For ice cream I like really indulgent, creamy flavours ( hence why I don't buy it a lot!)

Any and all suggestions welcome! :)

[Other] Saw this comic and it hit home
/u/x-ko [5'5" | 112.5 | 18.9 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 13:42:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pik53/saw_this_comic_and_it_hit_home/

[Rant/Rave] messing up my dieting/fasts - what causes you to mess up?
/u/vvesper [5'5.5'' | mirror mirror | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 13:24:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pifcp/messing_up_my_dietingfasts_what_causes_you_to/

[Other] To anyone concerned about getting a physical check up
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 111.8 | BMI 18 | 23F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 13:21:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pieky/to_anyone_concerned_about_getting_a_physical/
I just went in for my first one in probably two years and I've definitely lost some weight since then. They weighed me in, calculated my BMI to be 18, confirmed that I am 5'6" (WOOHOO, I had tried to measure my height a while ago and thought it was more like 5'5.5" and was devastated because that wrecked my BMI, but I trust the Dr's measurements and am so happy rn). The doctor looked over my stats and said everything looked in order.

Not. One. Word. About me being underweight.

I even told her that I was only eating one meal a day (my husband insisted I get the ok from her for my "intermittent fasting") and she was all "Yeah, that's cool, just stay hydrated and eat something if you feel shaky."


Also, as a bonus, after the nurse left the room, I quietly stripped down and weighed myself again and was a WHOLE POUND LIGHTER AND I TRUST THEIR SCALES BECAUSE IT'S A FRICKING DR OFFICE AND THIS MADE ME HAPPY.

That's all, friends. Get your physical check up. Can only help (in 99.9% of cases, ofc. I'm sure there are instances where my advice does not apply)

[Help] DAE think they're underestimating the amount of calories they're eating
/u/myrtlewils0n [21F | 5'4 | HW 141 | CW 127 | GW 108]
Created: Wed Jan 10 12:36:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pi29m/dae_think_theyre_underestimating_the_amount_of/
Logically in my head I'm like "I know I gotta eat more, two scrambled eggs isn't enough food for a whole day" but then here comes the asshole side of my brain like "don't you think you're tallying your calories wrong? Maybe that's why you're still fat."

Any tips to combat this?

[Other] Searching for mood enhancing supplements
/u/skinnykitty1 [5'5'' | 124.7 | 20.8 | UGW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 12:01:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7phsoo/searching_for_mood_enhancing_supplements/
As the title suggests, I've been researching some mood enhancing supplements for myself, and ran across rhodiola. I wanted to share this tidbit that I found pretty fascinating!

["... that ingestion of rhodiola or its active component can reduce stress-induced binge eating in female rats."](https://examine.com/supplements/rhodiola-rosea/)

[Effect of salidroside, active principle of Rhodiola rosea extract, on binge eating.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20837037)

[Rant/Rave] I think I am getting better 😅
Created: Wed Jan 10 11:16:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7phgz4/i_think_i_am_getting_better/
I am so happy. I have been forcing myself to not weigh in. It's really hard but I am still working out, drinking my green tea and logging my food on MyFitnessPal. But something has changed in my mind, I am eating only fruits and vegetables but enough that I get close to my healthy daily calorie intake. I don't know what's happening but I'm just going to roll with it.

[Other] New Diet Coke Flavors coming: Ginger Lime, Cherry, Blood Orange and Mango
/u/happymasq [5'6'' | CW 103.6 | BMI 16.79 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 11:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7phgbn/new_diet_coke_flavors_coming_ginger_lime_cherry/

[Discussion] How do y’all suppress your appetite?
Created: Wed Jan 10 09:23:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pgnja/how_do_yall_suppress_your_appetite/

[Discussion] Do the calories in fruit count?
Created: Wed Jan 10 08:07:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pg50l/do_the_calories_in_fruit_count/

Pain while on EC stack + fasting
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Wed Jan 10 07:29:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pfwgl/pain_while_on_ec_stack_fasting/

[Help] Can’t Eat Due to Anxiety
/u/lost-in-an-echo [5'3" | CW: 87 | GW: 82 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 07:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pfth9/cant_eat_due_to_anxiety/
Hey all.

I don’t post much, I usually lurk. I just moved into a dorm for the first time (I’m a transfer student), and since I’ve been living in the dorms I’ve been in a constant state of anxiety. When I wake up I feel like I’m gonna throw up, and I can’t eat. This happens at night too.

I don’t have a scale with me, but I know I’m losing weight and I’m scared to lose too much. I look sick and people are giving me weird looks. I wanted to know if any of you have any tips or could offer advice in calming myself down and trying to eat? I can’t tell anyone about this but I know everyone here is really accepting, and I’d greatly appreciate any help.

[Rant/Rave] Big whoosh!
/u/peridoti [5'0 | 130 lb | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 06:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pfl5r/big_whoosh/
I've had an ED for 7 years and have always lost weight in teeny tiny increments and gained weight in teeny tiny increments. But for some miraculous reason this month, I've just had NO TROUBLE high restricting and I've lost 10 pounds since December!!

It's so funny, I could never high restrict in the past and now it feels super easy. My brain is simultaneously telling me I'm both 'better' and 'worse' at my ED. But anyway, YAY FOR NAUSEA STARTING NEW MEDS.

[Rant/Rave] not suicidal, but I can't wait to die :)
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pfe9y/not_suicidal_but_i_cant_wait_to_die/

About to embark on a day of binging.
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf8ph/about_to_embark_on_a_day_of_binging/

[Other] today's breakfast is one stick of poor decisionmaking 😍
/u/ladytulips [5'7'' | 119lbs | 18.6 | -30lbs | 19F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:13:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf7bv/todays_breakfast_is_one_stick_of_poor/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 10, 2018
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf6zp/daily_food_diary_january_10_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 10, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 10, 2018
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf6t2/way_to_go_wednesday_january_10_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for January 10, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

breakfast of champions
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:08:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf6fp/breakfast_of_champions/

[Discussion] January 10th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 05:02:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf5c9/january_10th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What inspired you today?

l o s e r t o w n

[Thinspo] So I'm in treatment and I get stuck behind this... fml
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 187 |BMI 28 | 11lbs lost | Female]
Created: Wed Jan 10 04:43:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pf2bb/so_im_in_treatment_and_i_get_stuck_behind_this_fml/

[Rant/Rave] I feel gross when I'm complemented
Created: Wed Jan 10 02:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pejor/i_feel_gross_when_im_complemented/

[Rant/Rave] This is the part I like
Created: Wed Jan 10 00:34:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pe27q/this_is_the_part_i_like/
I haven't eaten in 48 hours and I feel so light, my head is buzzing, my stomach is filled with nothing but a pleasant ache. I get dizzy when I stand. I don't want it to end. I've dropped 4kg in a week.

This is the part I hate:
The headaches
And the fact that no one has noticed. I live with 3 other people, and half the time I cook for them and make sure they're all eating well. But for me there is no one. I do this more as self harm than as a lifestyle, I know I'll break in a week and go back to eating "" normally"" for a while. But just once I would actually like a friend to say hey. You take care of us all the time. Why don't you relax? When did you eat last? Etc.

But it won't happen, so I will just go until I break.

[Help] Tall girls with an ED
Created: Wed Jan 10 00:33:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pe22i/tall_girls_with_an_ed/

[Rant/Rave] A guy at work told me he was only 65kg
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Wed Jan 10 00:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pe1tt/a_guy_at_work_told_me_he_was_only_65kg/

Created: Tue Jan 9 23:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pdtvd/well/

[Discussion] DAE wish the “Little Bits” restaurant from “Rick & Morty” was real?
Created: Tue Jan 9 23:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pdoal/dae_wish_the_little_bits_restaurant_from_rick/

[Discussion] The relationship between size and weight isn't linear, right?
Created: Tue Jan 9 22:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pdj6y/the_relationship_between_size_and_weight_isnt/
It seems like:

* XS -> S = 7 lbs

* S -> M = 10lb

* XL -> 2XL = 20lb

What do you think? Experiences? I find it frustrating that at lower weights, every lb takes longer to drop. I realised that it seems to even out though, because sizes drop faster too.

[Rant/Rave] feeling shitty.
Created: Tue Jan 9 22:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pdfih/feeling_shitty/

[Discussion] New Starbucks drink?
Created: Tue Jan 9 22:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pdfck/new_starbucks_drink/
Has anyone found the nutrition info for the new blonde espresso? I’ll be heading back to school soon and I wanted to know if I can add it to my “safe” list because I live less than a quarter mile from my campus Starbucks 😭 I tried the company website but I haven’t found any specifics, probably a stupid question anyways because calories in black coffee are negligible buuut one can never be too careful

[Other] Conclusion about restricting
Created: Tue Jan 9 21:33:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pd6uh/conclusion_about_restricting/
I’ve come to the conclusion that whether I am binging or restricting I am constantly thinking about food so it’s simply just easier to restrict and think about/be obsessed with food than be binging and doing so. At least restricting is helpful towards my weight loss goals.
Honestly binging/purging is just as painful as restricting/being hungry is.
I guess I am choosing the lesser of two evils these days. Anyone feel the same?

[Discussion] Constantly comparing myself to...
Created: Tue Jan 9 21:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pd6lf/constantly_comparing_myself_to/

[Discussion] Weird question about bloating/bulges? Around hip bones?
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Tue Jan 9 21:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pd344/weird_question_about_bloatingbulges_around_hip/
So this has been going for a while but lately really bothersome mentally. My stomach for the most part is kinda flat in the center, but on each side I have these elongated bulges on each side from under my ribs to my hip bone area. If I’ve been really restricting like eating nothing or taking lax is goes down a little. But I always have it. I just want my bones!!What gives!?!? Is this just bloating, does anyone else get this!?

[Rant/Rave] Recommitting myself to restriction, I'm fat af and dont belong anywhere.
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 180ish | HW/LW 197/118lbs | GW 136]
Created: Tue Jan 9 20:39:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pcvg9/recommitting_myself_to_restriction_im_fat_af_and/
Had the worst OA meeting tonight where everyone was just gushing about how God helps them so much. If god does exist then my life is a cruel fucking joke. I have lost control over bingeing and purging, I'm fat af, lonely af, and have no hope of getting better. I dont belong in OA. OA people say look for the coincidences in life but I only have bad ones.

I went for a walk to get new coils for my vape. So, I had just walked out of the OA meeting, had been crying, and I ran into my ex (if you could even call him that, I've never had a real bf, pathetic, I know). I am 15-20lbs heavier than 2 years ago when I knew him plus I was a big fucking crying mess. I bet he thought "Phew, dodged a bullet with a fat crazy bitch!"

Why does the universe want to punish me like this? I get so painfully jealous reading all these posts about people here in relationships then I remember that I dont fit in or belong in this sub either bc I'm so fucking obese I have to hold my huge gut up just to shave my bikini area. Typing that out makes me want to slit my wrists. I never thought I'd get this fat.

I really want to binge. Like really really really. But I know I'll just hate myself even more. I want to want to starve. I need to lose this weight and as long as I keep b/p I'm going to stay fat and not belong anywhere.

[Help] Does purging make you really cold?
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Tue Jan 9 20:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pcp89/does_purging_make_you_really_cold/
I don't normally purge, but I binged and purged yesterday and today. Now I'm freezing and it's not from weight loss, because I weigh the same.

[Discussion] So like does anyone else switch back and forth and feel conflicted about how they really want they're body too look??
Created: Tue Jan 9 19:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pci43/so_like_does_anyone_else_switch_back_and_forth/
Sometimes when I'm on instagram or Pinterest I see really thin models and I'm like I need a thigh gap, I need to stay thin. Then I see all the fit models with big booties and thick thighs and think it wouldn't be bad to have a butt and to be thicc. I'm like stuck in between, I think I'm always going to stay thin though I'm to stuck in my ed ways but sometimes it would be nice to have some sort of curves to me.

[Other] New milestone reached - purged in a public bathroom for the first time
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 19:29:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pcg8z/new_milestone_reached_purged_in_a_public_bathroom/
Binged on stupid food while I was studying and thought I’d be able to manage the guilt by spending some extra time at the university gym. Nope!

Instead I find myself bent over a locker room toilet drooling onto my hand, praying desperately for whoever just walked in to HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE AND CHANGE INTO YOUR ACTIVE WEAR ALREADY AND LEAVE ME TO THROW UP IN PEACE.

Aren’t eating disorders ~glamorous~? Ugh.

[Help] Hey what BMI would you say this girl is?
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 100]
Created: Tue Jan 9 19:24:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pcf1y/hey_what_bmi_would_you_say_this_girl_is/

[Other] Afraid to drink water??
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:120 |19.7 |GW:110 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 19:13:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pccn6/afraid_to_drink_water/

[Rant/Rave] I was maintaining for the day. Cue a Dominos binge and attempted purge.
Created: Tue Jan 9 19:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pcaoz/i_was_maintaining_for_the_day_cue_a_dominos_binge/
I can't even purge. I cut the back of my throat with a toothbrush and feel like death. Pretty sure everyone in the house heard me too.

Didn't vomit up a damn thing.

I cannot describe how fucking disgusting I feel. It's literally like a layer of sludge clinging to my skin. I feel like a swamp. A noxious ball of self hate and regret.

I tried to fight it. Most times I just let it happen, but this time I actually tried. And that makes it so much harder. I have very little hope that I will ever be happy.

Food has pretty much ruined my life. I can't even fucking talk to anyone about it because its too damn embarrassing. No one takes binging seriously. I'm "thin", but I literally cannot lose the fat I have because of binge/restrict cycles. I'm frozen in time with the ten or so pounds that are the key to all my misery. I feel like I'm an addict, and sometimes I wish it was to something that people had some degree of respect for. I'm pretty much addicted to food. Good for me.

Light some candles for my attempt at fasting tomorrow <3

[Help] Please help me. I almost fainted at work.
Created: Tue Jan 9 18:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pc3fk/please_help_me_i_almost_fainted_at_work/
I have relapsed, it sucks, but its happened. I haven't had food for 3 fucking days and my job is pretty strenuous. I am a home health and hospice aide. Today I was at a clients house changing his bed and I nearly fainted. Its embarrassing I used to be able to fast for a week at a time. Does anyone else here have a physically demanding job where they can't afford to fast during the week? If you do; What do you have for lunch? I am really happy with my job, I'd hate to lose it.

[Help] what to do when friends want to go out to dinner??
Created: Tue Jan 9 18:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pc1s6/what_to_do_when_friends_want_to_go_out_to_dinner/

[Discussion] Body dysmorphia and compulsively buying + throwing out new clothes
/u/polemia [5'8 | CW 112 | 17.4 | 23F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 18:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pc0hh/body_dysmorphia_and_compulsively_buying_throwing/
I almost posted this in /r/BodyDysmorphia but I think it'll get more discussion here since most people with eating disorders have issues with self esteem and body image.

When my dysmorphia is particularly severe, I feel like not only lose the ability to discern what my body looks like, but whether my clothes "flatter" let alone fit my body. I can't even tell whether I like what I'm wearing, or if a piece of clothing will draw a lot of attention because it doesn't fit, is ugly or garish, makes me look ridiculous, etc.
Because of this I frequently purge my closet and impulsively throw things out (ie donate) thinking this will make me dress in a way that makes me feel and look better, but it never really helps.
I also find myself frequently buying new clothes that I don't particularly want or need--nothing too extravagant or expensive, just completely unnecessary-- It's like this compulsive NEED to have something new, as if it'll fix the way I think about my body and myself.
I'm familiar with most eating disorder behaviors, particularly cycles of binging and purging, and these seem really aptly comparable to my behaviors with clothes.

I guess I'd like to hear from other folks who've observed similar intersections between their body image and non food-related behaviors.

TLDR: My body dysmorphia extends to my clothes, making me compulsively get rid of them and buy new ones.

[Discussion] January 9th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 17:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbs7q/january_9th_2018_question_of_the_day/
Was today typical? Why or why not?

Not! I *finally* got a consult with an orthopedic surgeon and we set up an action plan for my hip treatment 🎉🎊

[Rant/Rave] DAE struggle with relationships?
/u/crybabyyyy [165cm|CW:58kg|GW:45kg|F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 17:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pboj7/dae_struggle_with_relationships/
Basically my friends (and brother) have encouraged me to use apps like Tinder and Bumble to talk to people/find someone. But the problem is that I’m pretty sure I’m asexual, have shit self esteem (I’m ugly af), am pretty fucked up (pretty sure i have some mental health issues but I’ve never been diagnosed so I don’t know for sure) and just feel like I’m too fat to ever be with someone although I would like to try. I’m also a complete and utter virgin at 19 lol I’ve never kissed anyone or had a boyfriend and most people think that I’m a lesbian.
Also I get super duper nervous talking to people thinking I’m going to socially fuck up and it’s just stressful and I just want someone to relate to lol

Sorry if it doesn’t exactly fit in this sub I just didn’t know where else to post it, I feel like you guys would probably be able to relate more?

EDIT: would just like to thank everyone that's taken the time to read this or read and reply like honestly you're all amazing and I hope everything ends up working out for you all because you're all amazing, lovely and the sweetest people! xx

[Discussion] Favorite lifestyle youtuber?
Created: Tue Jan 9 17:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbmdb/favorite_lifestyle_youtuber/
I know this doesn’t have much to do with ED but I’m pretty sure a lot of us try to have a good life besides our eating disorder. We try not to let our disorder block us and try to exercise regularly, try to eat healthy fresh food, and be the best student or worker we can be.

So is there any youtuber who inspires you and helps you make your life the best it can be?

For me it’s “fiercelivy” she’s extremely positive and gives great advice for diet, exercise, and life.

[Discussion] DAE wonder how the hell 'normal people' function?
Created: Tue Jan 9 17:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbio1/dae_wonder_how_the_hell_normal_people_function/
like, really. i watched someone down four cosmic brownies (280 each) today in a ten minute span without the slightest trace of guilt. a classmate put on their snapchat story for what must be the fourth time in the past week that they're eating out at buffalo wild wings. people bring large frappés & COLOSSAL bags of hot cheetos to class as SNACKS, & i'm just sitting here trying not to think about my 100 calorie lunch that i already feel bad about eating & whether or not treating myself to one skinny makeshift parfait would cause me to inflate like crazy. how do these people do it. it's genuinely mind-boggling.

[Discussion] What do you say/do when people notice your weight loss?
/u/daughterofpolonius [5'6 | 155 | 25 | -95 | F/27]
Created: Tue Jan 9 16:58:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbho8/what_do_you_saydo_when_people_notice_your_weight/
Inspired by a recent post here. I always get super awkward when people comment on my weight loss, and I usually deny it (???). What do y’all do in that situation?

[Discussion] Is anyone else absolutely disgusted with buzzfeed recipes?
Created: Tue Jan 9 16:48:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbf75/is_anyone_else_absolutely_disgusted_with_buzzfeed/
Like I see them on facebook all the time and would never make most of them. They just use SO much cheese and butter, and the desserts are just overkill. Like who the fuck wants to eat a pound of cheese in one meal and 7 macaroni noodles in a single meal?

edit: I just realized this post seemed kinda bitchy, so sorry about that fam. Also, I LOVE junk foods. But I usually recreate a version that isn't just so extra.

ex. average grilled cheese: 240cal
2 slices yummy whole grain bread: 160
slice of cheese: 80

Whereas buzzfeed would add 4 slices of cheese and 1 T of butter to each slice of bread, making it a 680cal grilled cheese.

[Help] EDs and mourning? Could use some advice
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 16:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbezr/eds_and_mourning_could_use_some_advice/
I was all ready to go back to my normal eating schedule January 1st because I knew I gained some weight over the holidays....but then there was a death in my family and I’m at my parents’ house for the funeral and all they want to do is eat eat eat and I’ve been constantly surrounded by food and I just can’t handle this feeling of getting fat but I also can’t stop myself from binging and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been eating slightly above maintenance and not working out and then i feel sick from eating and guilty for doing this to myself and every day I say tomorrow I’ll get it together but I never do and I’m so desperate for something to change but I don’t know how. Please help.

[Other] Did anyone else’s Secret Santa package not come in the mail?
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|HW:150|CW:147|LW:113|GW:125 |F| ]
Created: Tue Jan 9 16:47:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbeze/did_anyone_elses_secret_santa_package_not_come_in/
I’m kinda bummed since I was looking forward to it so much, but I just hope whoever received the package I sent is enjoying it :) ❤️

[Discussion] Does anyone else's boyfriend say dumb shit??
Created: Tue Jan 9 16:31:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pbb2m/does_anyone_elses_boyfriend_say_dumb_shit/
On mobile, can't flair.

Although I love my boyfriend, he says dumb shit a lot. He probably doesn't even realise it, but he has triggered me a few times already. But today... Well, let's just say I was so bitter(??) I focused all my feelings into my workout.

Basically I told him that my friend and I are looking to join a gym, he asks what I'm planning to do and I say strength training, so he said "I thought you wanted to lose weight". WHAT?? ARE YOU SAYING I *SHOULD* LOSE WEIGHT?? And then he asked if I've tried some HIIT workouts and I said yes because I do HIIT a lot actually, and he was like "yes?". WHAT, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT?

I mean I told him I wanted to lose weight a few months ago, but I'm still "triggered"

[Rant/Rave] Today I binged, then purged, for the first time in a very long time.
Created: Tue Jan 9 16:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pb9d9/today_i_binged_then_purged_for_the_first_time_in/
I’ve suffered from disordered eating since I was 13. Am now 25. I’ve “tried” all the different disorders, and have been up and down this path many times. I’ve been trying to get better while at the same time loosing weight from some very unrestricted binge eating many years back. Well, tonight, I fucked up. I started my period today, and have been doing well sticking to my “diet”, (AKA eating 1.200 net calories or less till I’m not a lard ass anymore, then I’ll work on maintaining.) Well, a little bit ago I binged on some of the pulled pork I made for my boyfriend for dinner, then SO. MUCH. CHOCOLATE. After about 800 calories went into my maw I realized what I was doing and the sudden regret hit me like a ton of bricks. And, for the first time in a long time, that little voice in my head spoke up. *You fat pig. You think your boyfriend will still want you when you balloon back up to 300 lbs?* So I calmly walked into the bathroom and purged till I couldn’t anymore. I hate that I’m this way. I hate that I can estimate the calories in a dish just by looking at it. I hate being obsessed with food and my body. Therapy was no help to me. I don’t want to get bad again but at the same time I’m almost... proud of myself, for this. Ughhhhh. Thanks to anyone who actually reads my rant/ramble.

[Help] How long does water retention last?
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 14:56:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pamsn/how_long_does_water_retention_last/
So I'm actually in tears right now because the scale won't go down. I had a ~4000 calorie binge a couple days ago and I know that I couldn't have gained 5lbs from that. I know that water retention is really bad the first day but it's been almost three days. I restrict to 800 calories maximum a day and I already fucking hate myself and this is just throwing me over the edge. I can starve myself for weeks and lose seemingly nothing but I eat 4000 calories one time and I gain 5lbs in one day. This is just awful. I want to die. How long does this last and how much water should I drink to get this sorted out? Or did I really gain five pounds from 4000 calories?

Anyone on Kik
Created: Tue Jan 9 14:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7palwa/anyone_on_kik/

[Rant/Rave] 8000% Done
/u/throwaway002300 [25F | 5’3 | CW 102 | BMI 18 | GW ???]
Created: Tue Jan 9 14:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pakgo/8000_done/

[Help] Dammit dammit DAMMIT!!
Created: Tue Jan 9 14:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7paiod/dammit_dammit_dammit/

[Rant/Rave] I've lost over 50lbs in the past year and no one has noticed
Created: Tue Jan 9 14:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pah25/ive_lost_over_50lbs_in_the_past_year_and_no_one/
I'm mostly just perplexed. Like people never notice when my appearance changes and it sucks. I chopped off my hair last year, like at least 6 inches and no one commented on it. I've lost 50 lbs since last year and not one comment. What's a girl gotta do!!! Mostly I just want proof that it actually happened and I'm not just making it up yknow. I wonder if they notice but don't mention it. God it's really pissing me off, like how much more until people at least notice a little change? Uuuugh.

[Rant/Rave] My hospital is fucking stupid
Created: Tue Jan 9 14:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7pa7pu/my_hospital_is_fucking_stupid/
New throwaway account bc my last one was getting lots of hate messages for being a poster on this sub. But I've come to rant today.

I'm now thinking about recovery and honestly, on the weekend I am driving back to the hospital to get help because I just can't live like this anymore.

The other day I had an unrelated surgery and they fucking discharged me immediately- like before I could even walk around. I had a BMI of fucking 15 and a heart rate in the 40's. Why wouldn't they just help me, I'm just going to go back myself in a few more days or my doctor is going to send me back in a few days because it's gone too far and I can't fix it myself.

[Rant/Rave] concentrating on academics while restricting
Created: Tue Jan 9 12:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p9n6f/concentrating_on_academics_while_restricting/
Hello, I’ve never posted on reddit and am new to this sub. I just wanted to express my frustration trying to focus while restricting. I’m a student with research interests in EDs and am currently revising a paper on the topic for a publication. While I’m excited to write it and about the opportunity to be published, I’ve been restricting p heavily this week which has definitely been hurting my concentration.

I feel so frustrated because I really need to finish this paper by today, so I broke my fast and ate a “full” meal to give myself energy. Normally feeling hungry can keep me focused and alert, but lately I’ve just been tired and distracted. I’m nervous that it’s not going to make a difference I’m still going to lack the energy to finish this paper (aka I’m lazy) so I just wasted a meal.

Sorry idk if this makes any sense and if it follows the rules, but I appreciate finding this supportive community

[Rant/Rave] I've been trying so hard not to purge and I failed today.
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 134.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 12:40:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p9mn4/ive_been_trying_so_hard_not_to_purge_and_i_failed/
I had to go out for a business lunch today with my boss to celebrate some apparently really good work that my team did last month.

We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant.

I had totally forgotten about it and brought my 200 calorie lunch as usual and then I remembered, so I looked up the menu and decided to get a salad with no meat and no dressing.

That didn't happen.

Everyone was getting such normal food like burritos and tacos and I felt like such a freak and just wanted to have a fucking normal meal so I got shrimp tacos- they're my favorite. Shrimp is low cal. I used less than half of the tortillas they gave me, ate the beans and left the rice. I probably consumed like 600-800 calories knowing restaurants. I hadn't even eaten anything yet today and I probably could've still had a small dinner and stayed under maintenance.

And then I came back to the office and threw it all up. You can tell I threw it up. My face is puffy, a different kind of puffy than when you've been crying. I was covered in snot. I've had a cigarette and a coke zero and calmed down now, and my stomach feels a lot better but I don't know if I can even accurately describe how uncomfortably full I felt, there was just this compulsive need to get it all out.

It wasn't even that much food, it was that I DIDN'T PLAN THAT FOOD. I didn't know what was in that food. It definitely wouldn't qualify as a binge, that's a normal meal that a normal person would order in a restaurant and I didn't even eat all of it.

I don't know what to do. I feel like shit and I can't concentrate on work now, my head is so foggy. I haven't purged in over a month until today. The worst part is I'm still stressing about how many calories I actually left in my body and I want to go back for a second round but I'm forcing myself not to.

I feel like I'm failing. I am not bulimic. This is not something that I do on a regular basis. I don't know what about it made me feel like I needed to purge- not knowing the calories, not expecting the meal, my stomach feeling full, probably a combination of all 3.

I just needed to vent because I feel like such a piece of shit right now.

[Help] Will a doctor commit me/ do anything to stop me if I tell them I have an ED?
/u/imsorryigotmadatyou [5'1" | 118 | 23 |0 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 12:36:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p9ll7/will_a_doctor_commit_me_do_anything_to_stop_me_if/
So I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow for IBS-related symptoms but I'm also worried it could be a problem with my pancreas because of other symptoms I've been having. Should I tell the doctor I'm anorexic? I want her to be fully informed but I also don't want her to stop me.

Ideally I want the best care available, so telling her would help her be more informed about my problems, but I don't want to be sent to a mental hospital lol

[Rant/Rave] The only way I lose weight is starving myself.
/u/afraidofjudgement [4'9 | 103 | 21.5 | -57 | F |]
Created: Tue Jan 9 12:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p9lbp/the_only_way_i_lose_weight_is_starving_myself/
I've been attempting a recovery, but, lose weight in a healthy manner by 1200 daily + exercise. Well, honestly I just switched fasting/low restriction to over exercising. My fitbit has me at 12 hours I've exercised last week. I thought it was normal, apparently others do not. I have to make a 500-1000-cal deficit everyday.

The thing is I'm pretty sure my body is broken. I'm so tired of reading everywhere that you can lose weight at 1200. Even if you're short and sedentary! For three weeks now I've maintained 102-103.

I've been trying so hard to be healthy, I've been trying so hard to ignore the bad thoughts I have away. But, it's starting to look like my thoughts are right. Starving myself is the only way. I want to be better, but, at the same time I don't want to be. Eating nothing is so much better than slaving away everyday. And for what? Nothing.

edit to add: the only good thing from this is i poop everyday now. I guess there is always good in the bad!

[Rant/Rave] My Friend Told Me I Looked Like I Had in High School
/u/Rickticia [5'2| 131.7 lbs |24.95|-18.3|GW2:125|20F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 12:15:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p9g0a/my_friend_told_me_i_looked_like_i_had_in_high/
This made me so happy at first. She’s really skinny (such goals), so that made it even better. She very nicely put it that I had started looking “Old Hollywood” when I went off to college—in other words, I had gained a lot of very noticeable weight and just happened to wear red lipstick and winged eyeliner—but that now I was looking the same weight as before.

In other words, I fought off my freshman 30 and won! But...in high school I was at the highest end of a normal BMI, meaning I’m still a fat fuck. Meaning I still have lots of weight to lose. It gave me mixed feelings because I’m proud of hitting a healthy weight, but it’s by no means enough.

[Help] Random weight gain?
/u/Brickly2017 [5'7" | 115 and staying | BMI 18 | -17 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 12:00:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p9bgh/random_weight_gain/

[Rant/Rave] He said he liked really skinny girls before he corrected himself
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 147lb | 21.32 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 11:53:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p99rk/he_said_he_liked_really_skinny_girls_before_he/
So I found this guy on Tinder last week. I was in rare form so I went on and matched quickly with a few guys (big city, don't go on much so they build up) and we had a back and forth pretty much as soon as we matched. He asked a silly question and I was sarcastic and then he asked if I wanted to meet up the next night. I said sure and we got to dirty talking and I sent him a photo without my face and he was excited. The next night it was so cold I decided to screw meeting for dinner and just invited him over to my place since it was heavily implied we'd end up there anyway. It worked out, we had fun, he's pretty good in terms of what I like and he's funny so not a bad combination for a fwb and I'm in need of one who is more available and lives not too far. We got around to talking about why we matched and while I didn't have a good answer, he started talking about his criteria. First he said just overall pretty girls and said I was in that category, then he said he likes really skinny girls, my heart flipped because it's great motivation but also because I didn't fit into that one for him already which sucked, and then he went to move on when he thought about it for a second and said fit instead. I think it was for political correctness reasons and he thought being in the presence of a girl he needed to change it, but I was all about what he said the first time. I can't get it out of my mind. Before he left he told me to let him know if I wanted to do it again and I said the same and honestly wasn't sure I'd hear from him again. Until Sunday when he asked if I wanted to meet tonight. I said yes and now I'm feeling super bloated and just overall unhappy about myself, not that I liked what I was when he saw me last time, but I went up on the scale this morning and just feel shitty. I just keep hearing "really skinny girls"

[Other] I don't think buzzfeed posted it for this purpose, but I relate to these on a daily basis
/u/flightlesspotato [5'5 | CW: 127 | 21.0]
Created: Tue Jan 9 11:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p94lm/i_dont_think_buzzfeed_posted_it_for_this_purpose/

What to have for dinner??
Created: Tue Jan 9 11:33:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p94ch/what_to_have_for_dinner/

[Help] Office Manager noticed... And I'm not sure how to feel.
/u/fieryanxiety [5'7" | CW 119 | BMI 19| HW 159 | GW 110]
Created: Tue Jan 9 11:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p91us/office_manager_noticed_and_im_not_sure_how_to_feel/
If any of you guys are like me, you fantasize about people noticing your weight loss. Whether you ACTUALLY want the attention or not. Well that literally just happened to me.
Over the past month or so, my BMI has dropped from 21 to 19 (12 lbs at my height) Let me also add that everyone else at my office is well overweight.
So I got up to the fax machine and my office manager was like "Are you losing weight??"
I was like "I don't know..well yes.. Like 12 pounds"
My face turned beet red (I could feel it) What the actual fuck kind of response was that, guys. An immediate denial, followed by an oddly specific number. I feel like I just outed myself. Would a normal person read into that? Suggestions on damage control here?

[Rant/Rave] The people running this hospital are FUCKING INCOMPETENT!!
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Tue Jan 9 11:03:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p8w6d/the_people_running_this_hospital_are_fucking/
I literally just tried to kill myself by overdosing on pills and they left me alone in a room WITH MY FUCKING PILLS. Then a nurse proceeded to come in a yell at me accusing me of threatening to take them

Bitch wtf ??

Gaining weight and being okay about it.
Created: Tue Jan 9 10:58:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p8uoy/gaining_weight_and_being_okay_about_it/

[Rant/Rave] Weight loss decline and dysmorphia vent
/u/ParanoidPancreas [5'11 | CW 146.6 | BMI 19.7 | GW 138 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 10:30:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p8ngk/weight_loss_decline_and_dysmorphia_vent/
I feel like despite the fact that I'm still losing, (albeit at a much slower rate now) I am "getting used to" how my body looks now, and I don't feel like I look thinner anymore.

A few weeks back looking at my old photos at my HW made me feel better and I could recognize how my body had changed. But now those HW photos don't help. It's like I look at them and don't recognize myself, like I don't remember ever being at that weight. I only recognize myself at this weight, and this new weight is my new "fat" weight.

Ugh, idk if this even makes sense. But this is so discouraging. Why do I look in the mirror and feel the same way I did 26 pounds ago?

[Other] Laxatives and fainting?
/u/itchybonez [5'5 | 26F | CW:135 | SW:145 | GW:120]
Created: Tue Jan 9 10:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p8j0s/laxatives_and_fainting/
Last night before bed I took one dulcolax. I'm not a regular user of laxatives, but it's been a few days since I've had a good BM.

Woke up at 4 am to the usual cramps and gurgles. After my BM my vision went dark, my hands started tingling, and I'm sure I would have passed out if I didn't immediately lie down.

Has this happened to anyone else? I think I'll throw the laxatives away because that shit was scary af.

What’s your brain saying today?
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 10:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p8ipq/whats_your_brain_saying_today/
Here’s my monologue today,

Earlier: Ew, you ate a WHOLE fruit salad you fucking pig.

Now: I could totally eat a pack of cinnamon rolls right now, no problem.

Andrews Salts
Created: Tue Jan 9 09:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p8el5/andrews_salts/

[Tip] BED "recovery"
Created: Tue Jan 9 08:54:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7yg6/bed_recovery/
Hi, I've been struggling with BED for about a decade now...started when I was eleven with hiding food and consuming it very fast in secret. Through middle/high school I was actually underweight and would binge maybe once or twice a week. Things got bad last year when I was put on olanzapine, which famously increases appetite. My binges increased in frequency, and I gained ten pounds rapidly. Luckily, I lost it over the summer while working at a summer camp (thus no bingeing opportunities).

I've recently found something which may help fellow BED sufferers. I am a vegan, and I look at a lot of Dr. Greger's videos. He has this program/app called the "Daily Dozen" which has the minimum things you should be having a day (3 servings beans, 1 serving berries, 3 servings other fruits, 1 serving cruciferous veggies, 2 servings greens, 2 servings other veggies, 1 tablespoon flax, spices, 3 servings whole grains, 5 12oz glasses of liquids, and either 40 min intense exercise or 90 minutes light-moderate exercise).

I was really skeptical at first. I thought "Oh okay I'll eat the daily dozen things, binge anyway, and put on a ton of weight in the name of 'health'" but it turns out I was wrong. The fiber, protein and micronutrients in these foods kept me incredibly satiated. My bingeing habit almost always occurs after 7:00 PM, and is often due to restriction earlier in the day. For many people, bingeing happens regardless of hunger, but for me it is definitely connected. On this program, I ate food that I liked and felt satisfied.

I also really liked that this program focuses on eating a certain amount of things, rather than restricting calories. Counting calories was a huge binge trigger for me...I'd stress about how much I had "left" and if I went even slightly over calories I'd say "fuck it" and eat like a madwoman.

It's also worth pointing out that I exercise pretty heavily, and it's hard to predict exercise calories, so calorie counting always seemed like a shot in the dark.

On this program, I feel that I am truly recovering and changing my relationship with food, as well as my taste buds which are now used to lots and lots of veggies.

[Help] Progress pics for small losses?
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 08:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7sp9/progress_pics_for_small_losses/
I know the title isn’t very helpful, but I was scrolling through r/ loseit and all of the progress pics there were major weight losses, which is great, but not what I need. Is there another place to find those kind of pics? I guess I haven’t gone through r/ progresspics, maybe that would be more up my alley?

[Rant/Rave] Mom commented on how skinny my hands have gotten!
Created: Tue Jan 9 08:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7r58/mom_commented_on_how_skinny_my_hands_have_gotten/
I was sitting beside my mom and she kept staring at my hands. I asked her what was wrong and she said “your hands have gotten so boney. They look like one of those people with that disease that don’t eat. What’s it called? Anorexia?” Jokes on her because I’m bulimic lol. It’s the little things that make me happy.

From unfemenime to little sweetie
Created: Tue Jan 9 07:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7jid/from_unfemenime_to_little_sweetie/

[Rant/Rave] Got a fucking UTI and ended up drinking 400 calories
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 120lb | gw 110lb | bmi 21]
Created: Tue Jan 9 07:48:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7j21/got_a_fucking_uti_and_ended_up_drinking_400/

[Discussion] DAE go to bed super early to avoid eating?
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 134.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 07:26:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7eor/dae_go_to_bed_super_early_to_avoid_eating/
I don't think there's a day I've stayed up past 10 in months. I take my meds at like 7:30 hoping they'll put me to sleep by 9 just so that I won't night eat. I eat dinner around 6 and have a small snack around 7 and then I just do everything that I can to get tired so that I won't eat anymore. Does anyone else do this?

[Other] DIY recovery update
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 138 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 07:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7df9/diy_recovery_update/
So for the past 3 weeks or so I have been attempting to recovery from my ED by myself. I've lost faith in inpatient for ED recovery (and mental health care in the US in general). This process has been going surprisingly well, though!!

The biggest change I've made is that I pay more attention to my hunger and fullness signals and my appetite than I do calorie count. This has been scary. But I find that, as long as I don't choose to eat junk food, it works pretty well for me right now. However, I still know the approximate amount of calories I'm eating, usually (because you can't really unlearn how to estimate calorie count, amirite?).

I have still been weighing myself a few times a week. But I'm ok with that. I use my weight as kind of a signal of what things work and don't work. Like, I overate for a few days, and I gained weight. But instead of panicking and restricting to compensate like I usually do, I tried my best to trust that it would level out. And it did - but I was really conscious to pay more attention to my hunger, fullness, and appetite, and I chose to eat less junk.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm mostly doing this because I've become exhausted by the binge/restrict cycle, and because I can't restrict while living with my parents. *I still have a strong desire to lose weight*. And Idk if I can keep trying to recover when I move out and/or restricting becomes easier again. But I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Thanks for reading.

[Rant/Rave] r/normalnudes made me realize I don't care what other people think
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 190 lb | GW: 120 lb | 22F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 07:16:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p7cms/rnormalnudes_made_me_realize_i_dont_care_what/
I posted an album of images (on another account) got a ton of upvotes and nice comments and PMs from guys saying they LIKED what they saw...

And I still hate my body. I guess it's true that confidence comes from within.

So fuck me, right?

I hate my tan lines
Created: Tue Jan 9 06:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p6zth/i_hate_my_tan_lines/
So last summer I had a bandeau (I think?) style bikini top that looked cute. Unfortunately, it left some gross tan lines. There’s just a white bar across my boobs that makes them look like sad, wide, floppy pancakes.

I don’t want pancakes.

I don’t want tan lines that make my chest look even more broad.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday January 09, 2018
Created: Tue Jan 9 05:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p6p5u/thinspo_tuesday_january_09_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 09, 2018
Created: Tue Jan 9 05:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p6p4u/daily_food_diary_january_09_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 09, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Can anyone else not see that they've lost weight?
Created: Tue Jan 9 02:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5ytm/can_anyone_else_not_see_that_theyve_lost_weight/
I feel so terrible! I hit my first goal weight today(115), and I think I look the same as I did at 132. I can't tell the difference at all. My boyfriend says that I look thinner, and my mom asked how much weight I lost yesterday, but I feel like I look the same.

Does anyone else feel like they look the same no matter what?

[Rant/Rave] I visit my bf in 60 days
/u/bloodyhellron [5'6 | 151 | 24.4 | -19| F]
Created: Tue Jan 9 02:12:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5ylu/i_visit_my_bf_in_60_days/
I'm currently doing long distance with my bf. It's a new ish relationship. I struggle with ED but have been in an eternal binging cycle and gained back a lot of weight that I'm not feeling too good about (and by that I mean I hate myself).

Anyway, I next see him in 60 days and I'm so obsessed with losing weight before then. Like I'm terrified that he's going to suddenly see me like I see me. He lives in a warmer climate and wants to go swimming with me and I'm legitimately so terrified.

He's honestly wonderful and extremely validating. It's definitely my first relationship that isn't abusive and unbalanced, but I can't get out of my head and I feel like I'm just going to ruin everything.

Like, today, one of my friends kept sending me snap chats of myself. They were candid pictures that I didn't know they were taking, and in each one I just looked huge. Like I freaked out. "Is this how I look to other people all the time??"

Now I don't even want to Skype my bf or send him pics because I'm so worried about how I look and it's so fucking dumb because I have to see him somehow if we are going to do long distance.

I don't even know if I can lose "enough" weight in that short amount of time or if there ever will be an "enough", but when I look at myself now I just see this big, fat sack of potatoes where my stomach should be. And I went through my phone and saw my old nudes from when I was ten pounds lighter and I just want to sob. And I don't know if I have a point or what this rant is for but I just have a lot of feelings.

I definitely just want to dive in and try to get as skinny as possible before I go, but I don't think it'll ever be enough and I'm afraid that I'm going to be miserable about it no matter what I do. Halp

Why is baking/feeding others so enjoyable?
Created: Tue Jan 9 00:45:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5m93/why_is_bakingfeeding_others_so_enjoyable/
I love to bake! I always have, but I've noticed since my ED developed I have a weird desire to feed people I care about more then I use to? I feel like it's a theme too I've seen from people on here.
My bf laughs when I try to feed him more candy or more snacks, he's like "do u have a food fetish?" Lol not exactly
Anyway, I was curious if anyone has a theory why people with ED start feeding their friends in this way?
I feel, personally, it may be something like I am enjoying this food through them? Similar to showing someone a movie you've seen before, but they haven't yet.

Edit: please flare, I'm on mobile

[Discussion] Anyone eat oatmeal?
/u/LittleCritterCR [5'2.5'' F23 GW: 115, Binges occasionally ]
Created: Tue Jan 9 00:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5lue/anyone_eat_oatmeal/
Kind of a random question. I like oatmeal (without sugar), but I know it’s high in carbs. It's also cheap and so easy to make, and I dislike cooking. What do you all think?

[Other] Thank you bullet journal,
Created: Tue Jan 9 00:18:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5i66/thank_you_bullet_journal/
For helping me figure out if the dress I bought for a wedding months ago will fit me in a week without trying it on.

I really was scared to try on the dress and couldn’t remember what weight I was at when I bought it.

/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | (treatment rip) | GW 95lbs]
Created: Tue Jan 9 00:17:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5hys/i_will_not_smoke_any_more/
Almost every night I get phenomenally high in an attempt to briefly escape my existence. And every night, without fail, I have a massive munchies binge. (I'm already prone to bingeing--thanks anorexia--and the drugs make the binge next-level).

After two bowls of UNCOOKED OATMEAL and two PEANUT BUTTER AND BUTTER sandwiches (at least it was low cal bread?), I know I need to stop. I feel disgusting. I've binged back all the weight I lost after leaving treatment. Drugs are an escape I'm willing to give up for my long term goals.

Sorry for the rant; I'm mostly posting for myself and for accountability. I'm just so done with this and I didn't know who else would understand

Dear sober Becca,


High Becca

[Discussion] At what weight / BMI did you have a flat tummy even after eating?
Created: Tue Jan 9 00:03:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5fpj/at_what_weight_bmi_did_you_have_a_flat_tummy_even/
Is this even possible? Currently I’m at 18 BMI and my tummy expands after I open my mouth to breath upon waking :(

Stressing out over "too much protein" ruining keto streak
/u/Fizzix42 [5'6" | 134 | 21.5| Heh | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 23:48:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p5dbm/stressing_out_over_too_much_protein_ruining_keto/
Is this a stupid question or a rant/rave?

This is going to sound silly, but gah, it's driving me nuts. I didn't actually go over 1200cal today (I tend to aim for well below it, but whatever at this point). My "binge" was liver. Yes, very odd for a binge. It's not a trigger food normally, but I'm likely pmsing and maybe needed it?

I cooked it figuring I'd save half for lunch because I'm a fool. It was not only most of my calories, but also like 100+ g of protein.

I still only had 18g carb! Most places are saying too much protein will still knock you out of ketosis though. And searching for how badly I messed up isn't working because googling thus far finds me either people trying to reassure themselves their beer and pie won't screw them up (i.e. cheat meals). OR, it's keto blogs going all "lawl, rookie mistake! Carbs bad, protein just kind of less bad." And I hate it, and I hate myself. I thought was doing so well. I don't even have keto stix, so I have just been hoping my bad breath is the acetone thing people talk about.

I should just go back to broth and protein bars and crying.

[Discussion] Obsessed with the idea of my own kitchen
/u/zarnaah [5'6 | 148 | 24.02 | -35lbs | female]
Created: Mon Jan 8 22:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p4v08/obsessed_with_the_idea_of_my_own_kitchen/
I live with my parents and won’t be able to move out until I’m 18/ leaving for college, and the thing I’m looking forward to the most is having my own kitchen. One where I choose what food is accessible to me. I would never buy foods outside of my comfort zone unless it’s like a single serving, like I can be disciplined in the store but all bets are off once I’m at home.
My kitchen would be filled with barely enough food for the week and emergency food on the top shelf out of my reach.
Does anyone else think about this? What’s in your dream kitchen?
Those of you who live alone, what’s it like?

[Rant/Rave] a literal identity crisis
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|116.8lb|22F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 22:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p4u26/a_literal_identity_crisis/
i'm at a very bizarre point of my life. some essential parts of my identity - things that have been a part of me since birth, or not long after - are falling away from my life in a very sad way. it's not my sexuality or gender identity or anything, but that's all i'll say. and now i find myself clinging to old disordered eating habits to feel like i'm still the same person. funny how the human mind works.

has anyone else gone through something like this? how did you cope?

[Rant/Rave] well fuck (a minor rant)
Created: Mon Jan 8 21:34:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p4oig/well_fuck_a_minor_rant/
Everyone had pizza for supper (husband kids and room mate) and I've been doing so well these last 3 months. Almost always under 500 calories and never over 800... I was going to eat my priced cauliflower and be so strong and get thin. And pretty. And life was going to be peaches. Because not eating will solve all of life's problems indefinitely.

Then everyone went to sleep.

And I ate the fucking pizza. Only two slices.... but now my stomach is crappy and hurts and I hate myself.

And I hate that pizza. And as much as I love them (I do, fiercely) I also hate my family. Because they can eat without self loathing. I can't eat without guilt. If I eat 200 calories more than I plan to I lose the game. And it feels like EVERYTHING is terrible.


[Help] How do I say no to food from my family?
Created: Mon Jan 8 21:30:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p4np2/how_do_i_say_no_to_food_from_my_family/

[Help] Does anyone else suffer with sharp pains/soreness all over when restricting?
/u/booger-burger69 [5'3 | CW: 117lbs | UGW 100lbs | -18lbs | 21F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 20:46:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p4etc/does_anyone_else_suffer_with_sharp_painssoreness/
When I’ve been restricting for a few days I get very, very sore and have weird sharp pains all over my body. It’s especially bad in my chest area (not heart related); if I use any muscles in my chest it hurts soooo bad, even breathing is slightly uncomfortable. When I bump into things it hurts a lot worse and of course I bruise easier too lol. I don’t work out and have no desire to work out (nor do I have the energy at all) so it’s not because of that.

DAE experience this?

[Discussion] Is there a way to keep you boobs or even increase boob size while you're losing weight?
Created: Mon Jan 8 20:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p49ro/is_there_a_way_to_keep_you_boobs_or_even_increase/

[Help] Where can i find thinspo with more varied body types?
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p44ce/where_can_i_find_thinspo_with_more_varied_body/

I'm tired of making excuses to people asking why I don't eat more
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:51:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p42xi/im_tired_of_making_excuses_to_people_asking_why_i/

[Rant/Rave] Monday Blues
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p41l0/monday_blues/
I’ve always lurked on this subreddit but I’ve never actually posted. After struggling with my weight my entire life and hating the way my body looked in the mirror I successfully lost over 16 lbs in the summer from 126 lbs to 110 lbs via fasting. Over the past couple of months I’ve ballooned back up to the weight I started with if not higher (I’m too afraid to look at the scale) after struggling with binging over the weekend and restricting during the week.

I know I’ve gained weight but this weekend made me feel so shitty and terrible about myself. I went to a family dinner and someone proceeded to call me fat after I sat down at the dinner table but when he saw the uncomfortable silence that fell over the table he proceeded to tell me I looked better now that I gained weight. I know for a fact this isn’t true and it was just a coverup to make me feel better about myself.

I think we all know our own bodies better than anybody else. Whether we gained weight or lost weight...we know because we’re our own biggest critics. It’s never enough, I’m never satisfied with how I look. I know I’ve gained weight but why did you have to mention it? It honestly hurt me so much and I can’t help but hear “you’re fat” over and over again in my head.

I proceeded to workout for 2 hours today without eating anything and when I came back from the gym my dad looked at me and ask whether I gained weight and started laughing. I nonchalantly laughed it off but proceeded to go into my room and cry. I know I’m being overly sensitive but when you feel like you’re already trying SO hard but nobody sees the effort you’re putting in....it feels almost hopeless. It feels so shitty when people point out the things you’re most insecure about.

Anyways I just had to vent about this and stop feeling so sorry for myself.

[Rant/Rave] Teacher said I eat a lot?
/u/_letsdothis [5'2 |CW: 106 |19.8|F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:30:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3yap/teacher_said_i_eat_a_lot/

Drop your grocery lists here!
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3vqg/drop_your_grocery_lists_here/

[Other] Started school started binging started purging
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:13:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3uck/started_school_started_binging_started_purging/

[Rant/Rave] Relapsing because it's the only thing I'm good at.
/u/burgundyburning [120 lbs | 19.05 | GW: 110 lbs]
Created: Mon Jan 8 19:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3s7s/relapsing_because_its_the_only_thing_im_good_at/
So I gained almost all the weight back after my summer 2017 relapse, so I'm back to a healthy 19.05 BMI compared to 17.04. I stopped hearing the ED voice, I was able to consume normal sized meals without guilt. I stopped having a hungry and exhausted look on my face in pictures.

I'm in school and through my own sheer laziness, I have not handed in two assignments for a class. The prof has had a lot of grace with me, but she's down to the wire with me. I find out if I fail the class tomorrow. I'm trying to get in what I need tonight, but who knows if there's even a point, or she's decided she's had enough of me. I've been ignoring my phone, haven't checked it in days because I need to punish myself about being lazy. I've also had classmates calling to talk to me that that teacher talked to them about me, and why won't you hand in those assignments burgundyburning?

Because I'm useless. Lazy. Not motivated. I'm sorry. It's not you. It's me and my screwed up head.

I was drumming away on one of the essays (24 pages, screw me) when I slipped my hand over my stomach, and that led me to stand in front of the mirror pinching myself all over, checking all that excess fat. Measuring my thing gap. Looking at my stomach for the side. Standing on the scale. Crying when I realized I've gained. I started jumping up on the spot, desperately trying to burn that hot cider I drank mindlessly this morning.

I weighed myself this morning to get the true morning reading after I went to the washroom. After that, I frantically scribbled numbers and whatnot on a piece of scrap paper, shaking as I tried to figure out how I was going to reach 110 pounds again.

At 110 pounds, I am a better person.

I am a less disgusting person.

I can show that I have better self-control.

I can prove to everyone and to myself that I not useless.

I am at least good at one thing; losing weight. Quickly. Silently. Bearing the pain with as little fanfare as possible.

Tomorrow, my prof will certainly ask me why my time management is so bad. I can smile, and tell her *watch me, I'll lose 10 pounds. I will not be a useless human being. Look at me! I can do something right! Just this one thing!*. Oh my gosh, I'm so screwed up.

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate holidays.
/u/asocialghost [5'2 | CW: 99 | GW:90 | 23F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 18:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3odx/i_fucking_hate_holidays/
I was so excited to be out of the woodwork with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years finally all over.

But then here comes Valentine's day with all of it's wonderful fill-the-gaping-void style treats and candy and glamor.

Sour Patch Kids Hearts won't bring you happiness and will only make you a fat beast, self.

Reeses Peanut Butter in the shape of a heart is calling my god damn name and I wish it wasn't.

[Rant/Rave] I’m so fucking tired of waiting
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 102]
Created: Mon Jan 8 18:35:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3lug/im_so_fucking_tired_of_waiting/
I’ll DM that guy when I’m skinny

I’ll wear that bikini when I’m skinny

I’ll take cute pictures with my friends when I’m skinny

It’s so FUCKING dumb. Like why can’t I just do those things now? I don’t think 10 lbs would make any difference to a 16 year old guy. I don’t think most of the people on my instagram would notice a difference between my body at 115 lbs and 102 lbs. WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH. WHY AM I WAITING

I know I’m never going to be happy with my body so why am I waiting to do the things that will make me happy? Someday I’ll be a 30 year old woman who’s never dated anybody for longer than 3 weeks because I don’t like my body. And I never will

[Rant/Rave] Always worried that my ex is on this sub
Created: Mon Jan 8 18:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p3f0m/always_worried_that_my_ex_is_on_this_sub/
This is semi-unrelated to EDs so feel free to delete if it's too off-topic. I have an extremely abusive ex who was actually, literally a psychopath (diagnosed). Stalking has happened in the past and it feels like it's gonna happen again soon. The thing about psychopaths is that they steal personality traits from others to make up for their lack of personality. My ex also pretended to have an eating disorder so that I would relate and open up more, and then covertly encouraged my disordered eating.

So I will see little bits of those personality traits in everyone (and I do mean everyone), and I'm constantly worried that I'm interacting with my ex and not realizing it. I'll like, look into people's account history if they type similarly just to see if it's actually my ex. And it makes it so hard to even interact with others on here because I can't give too many identifying details.

Basically, I'm isolated in my everyday life because of my eating disorder and isolated in eating disorder communities because I'm scared of revealing too much. Does anyone else have a similar fear? I know how unlikely it is to actually be found here, but still. :-(

(I just updated the reddit app and its totally different so if this post is weird or posted wrong I swear it's not me!)

[Rant/Rave] Double zero!!
/u/little_chicken_wing [5’5” | 114.0 | 19.0]
Created: Mon Jan 8 17:36:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p37ss/double_zero/
Today after work, I went to try on some jeans at urban outfitters. I grabbed a pair of 25’s and headed to the dressing rooms. I was so worried they were going to be too small—I almost just left bc I was so panicked.
Alas, they were way too big! I grabbed and tried a pair of 24’s instead and they fit perfectly! I am so excited & I want to remember this moment forever. Now, I am a 00, less than zero.

[Rant/Rave] I'm a bundle of bad habits but a random stranger didn't seem to mind
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80 lbs | 15.3 | -27 lbs | f]
Created: Mon Jan 8 17:29:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p365d/im_a_bundle_of_bad_habits_but_a_random_stranger/
This morning, I awoke in a funk, as I often do. I was heavy-headed and hungover and aching from a botched dental procedure (long story short, a lingual retainer broke, and the other broke whilst that one was being taken care of.) Immediatly, i went into hysterics, because surely my tooth *must* have moved all ready and my face must be even more fucked up than it already is. And, on account of my fragile relationship with my body image, I unloaded on my kinda-SO and sobbed in bed for over an hour when i was supposed to be fixing my sleeping schedule for school tomorrow.

Once I finally got out of bed, I found out that my mother was baking a cake. After several long hours of agony trying to avoid that damn cake, I decided to go for a walk in the pouring rain, partially to avoid eating that damn cake, and partially to punish myself for being a little bitch. It was freezing. I was soaked. But hey, beens i'm out, I may as well steal a bunch of half smoked cigarettes from outside the store, right?

Whilst outside, hand in a public ashtray, shame written across my face, an old man struck up a conversation with me. He mentioned how cold it was. Asked if I was okay. And I nodded along, humble, all the whole expecting to be reprimanded. But he never did. Never showed a sign of judgement toward me.

That old dude treated me like a person when I don't even feel like one myself.

And now i'm crying for entirely different reasons.

[Rant/Rave] My first “have you lost weight?”
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 17:11:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p31wi/my_first_have_you_lost_weight/
Today at work one of my coworkers said to me “You look like you lost weight?” And I replied “Thank you I actually have” and she told me “You just look very “small” now.” I nearly SQUEALED with joy!! I never even really thought there was much of a difference and I also didn’t notice people even noticed my size. It was very reassuring to hear. Especially since I have just hit a LW of 135!!

[Help] EC Stacks causing dry mouth
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Mon Jan 8 17:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p31r9/ec_stacks_causing_dry_mouth/
Every time I take an EC stack, I get dry mouth until it wears out. I’m drinking my water, but nothing help. Any tips?

[Help] How do I stop waiting for the next morning to begin again?
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 17:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p30op/how_do_i_stop_waiting_for_the_next_morning_to/
I've been binging. And every time I binge, I tell myself, well fuck, this day is ruined whatever, and that the next day I'll start fresh. But that isn't true. It means I waste so many afternoons and evenings. How do I pick myself up and start over right now instead of waiting for tomorrow morning? Any advice?

[Rant/Rave] My (now) ex-boyfriend told me he hasnt loved me for the last two months
/u/aeroplanessky [5"3 | 110]
Created: Mon Jan 8 16:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p2xd9/my_now_exboyfriend_told_me_he_hasnt_loved_me_for/
He broke up with me on Thursday. He hasn't communicated a problem to me in the last maybe five months. The only times I know if I even begin to bother him is if I guess and ask him. I had no idea anything was wrong. We literally went furniture shopping the night before.

He told me that he's come to dread hearing me wake up in the morning on weekends and that he's been feeling this way since early November. He said he's breaking up with me because he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for a while.

Onhe plus side I no longer have any desire to eat any food at all. I fasted today and pretty much all of Friday and Saturday. Sunday I had a single full meal.

So maybe if I just keep taking all of this out on my body I'll look cute by the time I get over it.

[Rant/Rave] Why is there sugar in fucking everything
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 134.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 16:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p2sma/why_is_there_sugar_in_fucking_everything/
Every day I go over on my sugar on MFP. The only “sugar” I have is a couple tablespoons of creamer in my coffee and half a pint of breyer’s delights or a weight watchers ice cream bar after dinner. How could that possibly be enough sugar to put me over? Can I just not have the only snack that keeps me from binging anymore? It’s everywhere. It’s in fruit. It’s in vegetables. I added broccoli to MFP and my sugar intake went up. Should I just stop worrying about it and trust CICO or do I need to find non-sugar alternatives to literally everything in my life?

[Rant/Rave] There is never an escape from food fucking hell
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | fat | too high | Ugw: 7 lb 3 oz | 20f ]
Created: Mon Jan 8 15:53:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p2iln/there_is_never_an_escape_from_food_fucking_hell/
I started the semester today and I am really stoked bc I have long days on mondays, Wednesdays and fridays which means I can fast/restrict a lot easier.

I walked into my last class and we were talking about expectations for the class and our fucking prof brings up brining snacks every friday. Obviously the entire class immediately chimed in super excited about the whole deal and while everyone is writing suggestions and food allergies I'm sitting like [the fucking fox meme](https://i.imgflip.com/1xcmta.jpg) waiting for the topic to change. I'm just fucking annoyed at everyone continously saying they're hungry for junk food and asking super invasive questions about why I'm not eating 500 calories snacks. People have eating issues, Brianna, mind your own business. I came to class for anxiety attacks regarding assignments and work not calories and weird stares, fuck off.
I get so easily annoyed by college food culture and the obsession with food, sorry.

[Discussion] post-binge 'sugar bug'
/u/almondsRsessy [5'10" | 142 | -15 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 14:47:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p21f7/postbinge_sugar_bug/
Im ravenously hungry for sugar and bread a few days to a week post-binge until I manage to resist the temptations to continue eating processed foods. I always tell myself pre-binge that it will just be one day, but there is something about eating junk food that fuels and urge to continue eating sugar, even in the days afterwards.

If not kept in check, this would (and has) lead me on nearly week-long binges in which I lose the progress that Ive worked so hard for over the past month.

However, if I do manage to white-knuckle a strict and clean diet in the days after a binge, eventually those strong cravings subside and restriction becomes easier. Its like a switch that flips.

I just find it interesting and very, very frustrating. I am right in the thick of it at the moment, even though Ive eradicated most of the sugar from my house (via my mouth), the remaining sugary food weighs heavy on my mind and I know exactly where it is.

Do you guys catch the post-binge 'sugar bug'?

[Other] can't stop throwing up
/u/imsorryigotmadatyou [5'1" | 118 | 23 |0 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 13:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p1a15/cant_stop_throwing_up/
Hey y'all so I know this is gross but idk what's going on and was hoping someone else does. I'm anarexic, not bulemic. I have never purposely made myself throwup because of eating. But recently I've been having a lot of IBS symptoms, so I just figured nausea was one of them.

I've been throwing up once or twice a day, mostly when theres not a lot of food in my body ( but that might just be coincidence since there's never a lot of food in my body). Upon reading more about IBS, it seems feeling nauseaus is normal but actually throwing up is not. Does anyone have experience with just randomly hurling? I have no idea why this is happening, or what I can do to mitigate it.

[Help] Help! Can't figure out what to estimate food as!
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 12:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p0zpw/help_cant_figure_out_what_to_estimate_food_as/

[Discussion] How did the first week for the new year go for you?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 139.0 | UGW 105 | 25/F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 11:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p0meb/how_did_the_first_week_for_the_new_year_go_for_you/
Mine went pretty well. I focused on getting most things right. I'm trying to introduced resolutions and goals a week at a time. The first week was just eating every day, taking my vitamins, and trying to limit sugar. I did well and will continue to do so, but now I'm adding yoga into the picture.

I think the first week was good because I didn't focus on perfection. I easily could have thrown my progress down the drain, but instead just moved on. The key for me in short-term goals I think.

How did the first week of 2018 treat you?

Can a leather belt stretch?
Created: Mon Jan 8 11:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p0kgj/can_a_leather_belt_stretch/
This is such an ed paranoia question lol. I don’t weigh myself and mostly just judge loss or gain by how my clothes fit.

I wear the same belt nearly every day. It now fits comfortably on the 5th hole, down from the third.

On days I feel extra large, I wonder if the entire belt has just stretched over time?

[Help] Any T2 Diabetics here?
Created: Mon Jan 8 11:28:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p0iod/any_t2_diabetics_here/
I was diagnosed 2 years ago, and at the time of diagnosis I weighed 120 lbs, at 5'3, which o my happened after the illness reached its peak and I had gotten there from 180 in about 3 months. Since starting my medications I'm back up to 170 and every day I look in the mirror I feel disgusted. I've contemplated just not taking any medicine (besides my victoza but only cause its an appetite suppressant) I'm worried that if I do that on top of the IF that I'm doing and the restricting that someone is gonna notice very very fast, so I was wondering if anyone had any tips?

I don't know how my dysmorphia suddenly got so bad
Created: Mon Jan 8 11:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p0flq/i_dont_know_how_my_dysmorphia_suddenly_got_so_bad/

[Discussion] Fav bar/shake premade food?
Created: Mon Jan 8 10:30:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7p02xl/fav_barshake_premade_food/
I’m not super great at feeding myself since I have to cook “regular food” for my family. What is your favorite premade or little effort food ? I have begun working out so I know I need to have some sort of half decent food.

[Discussion] Jealousy over Exes
/u/arkansassafras [5'7" | 135 | 21.14 | GW: 118 | 23F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 09:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ozr9r/jealousy_over_exes/
My SO has definitely had a "type" in the past. Tiny, small, short, blonde girls with cutesy features. I don't feel like I am good enough. I want to take up less space. My ED was at its worst five years ago in high school and college but I can feel myself relapsing in the behaviors again. Does anyone else deal with this jealousy/envy/insecurity with real life people? How do you cope?

[Discussion] Did anyone else focus on walking as quietly as possible as a kid? (or now, I guess)
/u/lilmissdisappearing [5'3" | 102 | 18.57 | *not enough* | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 08:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ozf8p/did_anyone_else_focus_on_walking_as_quietly_as/
I think I just realized that was one of my first attempts to make myself exist as little as possible.

Any other weird shit for you guys?

[Help] Anyone have experience with this?
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Mon Jan 8 08:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ozenf/anyone_have_experience_with_this/
Not entirely ED related but I feel like someone might know.

I am 17 years old and live independently of my parents in Ontario, Canada.

If I were to be checked into the mental health unit at the hospital, would they tell my parents? Is there any way they could try to make me move back in? Is there anyway my mom could force me to move back in because of this?

[Other] If you're ever feeling sad... 💓
Created: Mon Jan 8 08:50:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ozd6w/if_youre_ever_feeling_sad/

[Rant/Rave] HOORAY!!
/u/foxlatte [5'8" ♡ sw: 196.2 cw: 193.2 ♡ gw: 130 ♡ 22f]
Created: Mon Jan 8 07:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oyzul/hooray/

[Other] TFW you finally buy a kitchen scale and realize how completely off your portion guestimating was...
/u/desde-siempre [5'3" | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 26F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 07:52:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oyz92/tfw_you_finally_buy_a_kitchen_scale_and_realize/

[Rant/Rave] Here’s what I’ve done almost uncousciously while waiting for my turn at an oral exam... my ED, Asperger’s and I are just really good at coping with stress 😶
Created: Mon Jan 8 06:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oyidz/heres_what_ive_done_almost_uncousciously_while/

[Tip] London Fruit & Herb Teas are the BEST!!!
/u/sleepyrats [182cm | 64.9kg | 18.88 | -12.8kg | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 06:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oyf89/london_fruit_herb_teas_are_the_best/
I'm obsessed with London Fruit & Herb teas. They're the only fruit teas that actually taste like they're meant to (not just some scented boiled water like most other teas). They're tasty and sweet if you stir it so you get the bits off the bottom, and have a whopping 5 calories per bag. Don't give up on fruit teas if you've had bad experiences before!!

[Rant/Rave] I AM SO MAD
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 06:09:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oyedz/i_am_so_mad/
The only fucking thing I was planning on having today was my fucking Kombucha and it fucking rolled out of my bag and shattered in the street at 7am. So now I don’t get anything to curb my appetite and I don’t get a probiotic and fuck. I’m just so mad that was 3$ that I basically just threw into the fucking garbage I want to literally die I am so angry.

[Rant/Rave] Went back on my blog....
/u/manicdysfunction [5'3| 109| 19.31| GW: 101|22F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 06:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oydk3/went_back_on_my_blog/
And it's a weird sense of regret/non-regret. I've been fairly healthy, as the last time I'd been on my blog was after I got out of the hospital when my respiratory system tanked, ironically enough, after I'd been restricting and exercising all the time.

I've been eating fairly healthy and not over exercising (I haven't been doing any at bc grad school sucks)

And now I'm back on it. And I weighed myself. And I don't know if I'm angry that I weighed myself after so long or that I'm back at this shit for the zillionth time :( and I can't talk to anyone about it because....well, you all know. It doesn't go well and it just feels a lot worse.

[Thinspo] I made a vision board
/u/Brickly2017 [5'7" | 115 and staying | BMI 18 | -17 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 05:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oycd6/i_made_a_vision_board/

[Discussion] January 8th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 05:46:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oyabz/january_8th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What song is stuck in your head?

The Cake version of I Will Survive 😂

[Other] I made a blog for ED related comics
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW: uhhhhhhhhh scale broke]
Created: Mon Jan 8 05:44:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oya01/i_made_a_blog_for_ed_related_comics/

My weight progress over the last two years (ish) - spot the pattern!
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 131.75 | BMI 20.63 | -13.25 | UGW 115 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 05:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oy69c/my_weight_progress_over_the_last_two_years_ish/

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 08, 2018
Created: Mon Jan 8 05:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oy55g/weekly_stats_update_january_08_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for January 08, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 08, 2018
Created: Mon Jan 8 05:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oy54v/daily_food_diary_january_08_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 08, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Kpop idols talking openly about extreme restricting
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 120 | 18.78 | 20F 🌼]
Created: Mon Jan 8 04:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oxxf7/kpop_idols_talking_openly_about_extreme/
I've recently really gotten into watching funny Korean shows with idol guests, and stumbled upon a lot of female idols on more serious talk shows talking about their diet. A couple of them openly said they restricted to one meal a day, or mono dieted, to lose extreme amounts (3-4 kg in a week), and the talk show hosts usually were amazed rather than worried.

It seemed so interesting to me, because if that ever happened in the U.S. or similar Western countries, the idol would get brigaded with people telling them to eat a burger or how she/he is a bad influence on their fans.

My family is Eastern European. so talking about weight is different than in the U.S. (more open, criticisms in public about appearances of family members or even friends are not frowned upon etc.), but I wouldn't be able to imagine anyone not frowning upon coming clean about eating 300 cals a day.

What do you guys think? I just thought it was interesting how South Korean culture embraces disordered eating as normal, especially for idols.

[Rant/Rave] My jeans fit looser
Created: Mon Jan 8 04:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oxumv/my_jeans_fit_looser/
After having binged during christmas I decided to start low restricting again. The scale has gone way down but my body still looked as swollen as it did the day after christmas. But today I realised I actually have lost weight. My beans fit looser today 😊

[Rant/Rave] It was my birthday this weekend and it was basically perfect.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 62 | 20.72/20.47 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 8 03:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oxrqo/it_was_my_birthday_this_weekend_and_it_was/
No cake, no high calorie dinners. Most of my calories came from booze but I was able to avoid any big meals Friday and Saturday. On Sunday I just had some people over for a spa day with loads of veggies and fruit.

Plus I met a new boy on NYE and I've told him my plans to lose weight and he's cool when I say I'm not hungry. Plus he wants to take me bouldering with him. <3

[Help] I can't fucking deal with this
Created: Mon Jan 8 03:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oxmk4/i_cant_fucking_deal_with_this/
I feel so pathetic for posting here but it is what it is. I was fat most of my life until my late teens. I got to be so small. I had heart surgery and when it was all over, everyone thought I was so thin. My SO took better care of me. I felt amazing.

Now, after a year-long leg injury (thanks to those 3 hour long cardio sessions) and binge-drinking because of relationship trauma (my SO of 8 years fucking cheated on me) and I gained probably ten pounds and I feel so pathetic - and yet, I can't stop eating! I lost weight and gained it back - How banal! How pathetic! Why? I don't know what to do - the longest I've gotten without eating is 4 days and i want to be there again. How do you regain will power? I need to lose this weight to feel like I'm myself again. I need to lose this weight to show my SO how much his cheating on me hurt me. I feel like there's this huge wound inside me that he put there and getting back to my low weight will make the wound seem more real to people. How can I be hurting so much inside myself and yet look so normal? It doesn't look right, feel right. To get back to my low weight will be like making the inner wound more visible. More real.

[Discussion] Who here eats once a day? Has this helped you reduce your calories? Do you exercise? Is it working?
/u/married_to_a_reddito [Height: 5'6" | CW:244 | BMI: 39 | Weight Lost: 12 lbs. GW: 115]
Created: Mon Jan 8 01:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ox45g/who_here_eats_once_a_day_has_this_helped_you/

[Rant/Rave] Dating someone who's "fat" and my life is still in prices. (Possible trigger warning)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Sun Jan 7 23:50:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7owseo/dating_someone_whos_fat_and_my_life_is_still_in/
On mobile flair as rant rave

It's been a bit folks. Friendly forum bitchy whiner here. So here's a recap of my recent tragedies. Read or don't. In case anyone was wondering what I have been up to.

My partner of 5 years left me and my life took a downward spiral. She was not very supportive of me being androgynous/queer/nonbinary and thought my wanting to go by they/them pronouns was weird and unnecessary. I thought things were fine and out of the blue they decided they didn't want to be with me anymore.

My heart broke and my soul died.

I began to give in more to disordered behaviors I binged 3 to 4 times a week and purged every time I was able to. I also began to take a lot of Nyquil to sleep. I stole oxycodone from my mom who was recovering from surgery. I drank a bit more. I was unemployed. I had to no job and my savings was drying up.

I spent money on things I didn't need and binged pretty bad. I spent too much money. I also had a few random hook up with people I met on tinder but I hated myself every time.

I met someone who actually wanted a relationship. She was lovely and really supportive. She used the L word.

I felt really weird hearing the L word so soon. I was attracted to her emotionally but physically I had a hard time. She was bigger than me. A bit bigger. She was a plus sized girl. I tried to be really supportive but some things really rub me the wrong way.

They are lazy and really low energy.

They are unabashed about how much they eat. And they eat a bit.

They don't really support my veganism. They sort of make it out to be a joke.

They are too supportive to the point where I feel kind of uncomfortable.

I have found myself binging in front of them a lot and they think it is just normal eating. They don't really understand how I have an eating disorder and some times they trivialize my negative perspective of myself because I'm not "fat" and I don't eat that much or how I like certain safe foods and avoid carbs like the plague.

I do like being in a relationship even though I feel like human garbage but this relationship scares me. I almost want to date someone else who is just critical like some of my exes who tells me when I am being a "fatty" or being lazy.

I do like how they call me by my preferred name and pronouns. They always tell me they love me. They hold me when I am anxious and encourage my experimental expression. I like wearing feminine clothes a lot and they encourage it and even have gone to store with me to help pick things out and been complimentary of my appearance even when I feel like my worst.

A side rant. I started a new job as a kitchen manager and people cant seem to grasp my pronouns. I tell them i prefer they and then and it just goes over their head.

So yeah my life sucks and I wish I was dead still.


[Tip] Tip: Cooking a 1/4 cup of quick minute oatmeal for 10 minutes makes it bigger in volume
Created: Sun Jan 7 23:16:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7owmyy/tip_cooking_a_14_cup_of_quick_minute_oatmeal_for/
So you get a big bowl for only 75 calories :)

I'm a small person so this may only fill me up and not others

I don't think I'm even cooking the oatmeal as intended

You know what please ignore this post

[Other] Shitty diet idea: The Magic 8 Ball Diet
Created: Sun Jan 7 23:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7owkmv/shitty_diet_idea_the_magic_8_ball_diet/

[Rant/Rave] just purged for the first time in my life
/u/dievice [5'10" | CW 110 | GW 95 | UGW dead | 15 | 21F (⚧)]
Created: Sun Jan 7 22:37:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7owg2d/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_my_life/
hi, sorry if this is a bit too heavy but i felt like i needed to share. i need to be awake to shower and get ready for the first class of the semester in about three hours. i got drunk about 7 hours ago because i was terrified of going back to class, and as a result i ordered a 12" pizza to myself and ate the whole thing. thts an even bigger binge than my usual, i'd estimate 2500+ cal although i can't really log the local takeaway's veg pizza on mfp so i don't know exactly. i felt disgusting so i cut a few times but that didnt help, so i decided to vomit until i felt completely empty, which i successfully did, and. i love the feeling? this feels so nice. i'd honestly compare it to a half-dose of a benzo, the relief from my fear about gaining weihgt from a binge is extremely nice

but at the same time this is a path i'm kinda scared of. i've been anorexic for ~3 years and i'm not sure if i want to add purging on top. how do i stop myself doing it again?? please hel pp. also i have to be awake to attend class really soon oops

[Rant/Rave] Initial goal
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Sun Jan 7 22:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7owfb1/initial_goal/

Goddamn Facebook is full of triggers
Created: Sun Jan 7 21:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ow8t8/goddamn_facebook_is_full_of_triggers/

[Other] Who would win: a picture of me or my ED brain?
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:120 |19.7 |GW:110 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 21:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ovzzg/who_would_win_a_picture_of_me_or_my_ed_brain/
I posted a pic of myself on insta and I really liked it when I first posted it a few hours ago! I was wearing a sports bra and shorts since I had just worked out and I thought I looked so good but now I keep looking at it and I’m so fucking scared that I look fat.
I posted it mostly for someone to see and I knew they saw it but now I’m so nervous that I look gross in the pic. I know it’s because I’m really hourglassy and even though I’m thin I always look wide from the front, and I didn’t post a side angle so I’m stressing out. I’m not sure if I want to leave it or delete it since the person I wanted to look at it already did. It’s like the damage is done. I guess it’s all part of never being satisfied. I look different every time I look at the damn picture I swear

[Help] DAE Have Strange BMs After Meals?
/u/GiftBlades [5'10" / CW - 117lbs / 16.37 BMI / M - 16]
Created: Sun Jan 7 20:48:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ovv37/dae_have_strange_bms_after_meals/
Hi there!!

Some of you may have seen a couple posts I've made here in the past, or seen me on Peach when I used it - if not then that's fine.

I've been "recovered" for roughly 2 months now, but brace yourself for some TMI stuff.

Over the last year that I've been anorexic, I've noticed that after any medium-large sized meal I would often have a BM, at some periods after every single meal. I associated this with the fact that I lost lots of weight even though sometimes I still ate lots too.

But since I've been recovered, I still have this issue, and it means that no matter how much I eat, I keep losing weight - or maintaining around a very low weight.

Most likely this is a sign of some other illness/issue? So should I see a doctor, perhaps talk about it with my therapist/psychiatrist? It's hard to talk about with people since I feel embarrassed about it all, and to be brutally honest I feel like it's a free *cheaty* weight-loss method that I shouldn't be so hasty to fix... but I will do if necessary for recovery and my health.

Does anybody have any potential advice or information relating to my situation?
(It's a long shot I know, but thanks anyway. This community was always a great source of help and camaraderie in my times of need)

[Thinspo] How many lost lbs does this seem like? (not me tho)
/u/richnskinny [5’8 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 20:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ovqot/how_many_lost_lbs_does_this_seem_like_not_me_tho/

[Help] Purging
Created: Sun Jan 7 20:25:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ovq4s/purging/

[Tip] tips pls
Created: Sun Jan 7 19:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ovixy/tips_pls/

[Rant/Rave] DAE Think that everything is lying?
/u/LaineySP [5,6 | CW: 108 | GW: 100 | 17.75 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 19:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ov8hz/dae_think_that_everything_is_lying/
I've finally started losing again and reached a new low of 108, goal is 100. But I feel like I'm not really this weight... Like a BMI says I am underweight but about 8 pounds or something, and the scale says I am 108 pounds. But I see myself and I think "I can't possibly be that weight, look at me. Something has to be wrong" I see so many other people at weights higher then mine and the same height as me. But they look so much skinniner, is BMI lying, is my scale lying, is the mirror lying? Something isn't right and I don't know what.

Sorry just a little rant that has been going through my head.

[Help] How accurate are TDEE calculators?
Created: Sun Jan 7 17:24:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oumrg/how_accurate_are_tdee_calculators/

[Rant/Rave] I'm too fat to be anorexic apparently
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2'' | 190 | 34.8 | 0 | Female]
Created: Sun Jan 7 17:17:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oul7r/im_too_fat_to_be_anorexic_apparently/

[Help] How do I maintain weight
Created: Sun Jan 7 16:57:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ougm7/how_do_i_maintain_weight/
Although I want to lose and my bmi is 16.5 or something which isn’t that bad I feel I need to maintain now. My bones stick into the seat and it hurts and I have chronic pain on top of it.
I am and have been for a few months eating two huge meals a day (I’d guess around 2000 c but I stopped counting) and have limited my excersise to half an hour a day (I need to excersise for pain disorder)

I don’t want to gain but I want to know what to do.

I have a huge Bircher muesli in the morning and for dinner last night had carbonara, the most fattening meal ever cream bacon cheese the works, enough for two people. Didn’t even call it a binge..

And of course I feel fake

Sorry I haven’t had coffee, I. Just want to recovermantain at the same time

Created: Sun Jan 7 16:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oug92/lesbians/

[Rant/Rave] DAE get depressed browsing r/progresspics
Created: Sun Jan 7 16:51:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ouf7o/dae_get_depressed_browsing_rprogresspics/
I sometimes look at other women who have lost weight, gained muscle, and look amazing and toned, and I start thinking that I should be doing that.

Realistically if I did just eat at a normal deficit consistently and had enough energy for working out, in a few months I could look great.

But I don't do that. I set myself ridiculous deadlines for weight loss, restrict a stupid amount, fast a stupid amount and end up binging. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have an eating disorder or if I'm just an annoyingly impatient dieter lol.

As an aside, the phrase 'face gains' that is in half of the posts there literally makes me want to throw up in my mouth idk why

Okay sorry rant over

[Rant/Rave] Emotional binging is the best binging.
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 298.4 | Goal: 270 | 46.7 | 0 | F ]
Created: Sun Jan 7 16:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ou8yc/emotional_binging_is_the_best_binging/
Have a breakdown? Wash it away with pure slovenly heaps of ramen and cheesecake ice cream!

Not good enough? Whether you think that question is whether you or the binge isn't good enough, how about a whole chicken to stop that line of questioning!

Don't worry, there's always tomorrow to fast it off? Better not purge though, otherwise you wasted a perfectly good binge. That food was there for you, you know?

Pls send help. 😢

[Goal] Why recover when you can fit into an XS?
Created: Sun Jan 7 15:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ou1ni/why_recover_when_you_can_fit_into_an_xs/

I Love To Starve
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Sun Jan 7 14:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oth5g/i_love_to_starve/

[Help] Going on BC and freaking out
/u/peridoti [5'0 | 134 lb | F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 14:23:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7otgu8/going_on_bc_and_freaking_out/
I lost my period for a year due to over exercise. Then I got it back and it was wonky for a year but still sorta normal. Now, for about 6 months, it has been INSANELY BAD and incredibly painful. I have had to call out of work and can't even walk around my house when I'm on it.

I went to the doctor and she was pretty flippant and dismissive about the whole thing and didn't want to run any tests or anything. I got low dose birth control to 'even things out' but I'm terrified I am going to gain weight on it. Is anyone at a low BMI and on hormonal bc? Is it just cravings that cause the weight gain?

I'm not confident it's going to even help my symptoms so I'm considering not even starting them

[Discussion] Is it really that bad to be like 10 lbs underweight long term?
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 102]
Created: Sun Jan 7 14:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ote8g/is_it_really_that_bad_to_be_like_10_lbs/

[Rant/Rave] fuck you dad
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 102]
Created: Sun Jan 7 14:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7otcyd/fuck_you_dad/

[Discussion] this is terrifying to me
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Sun Jan 7 12:41:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oss6h/this_is_terrifying_to_me/

Has anyone ever given themselves food poisoning on purpose?
Created: Sun Jan 7 12:40:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7osrqe/has_anyone_ever_given_themselves_food_poisoning/

[Discussion] For those of you who exercise, what light exercises can I do to start off?
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 137 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Sun Jan 7 12:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7osmho/for_those_of_you_who_exercise_what_light/
Right now, I think my heart cannot take a heavy work out, but I want to work out a little bit. Walking is boring to me. I only eat 1,200 calories a day (kinda in recovery, kind of not, ha) so I want something that won't kill me.

[Rant/Rave] euphoric feeling after purging and general positive feelings about “achievements” recently
Created: Sun Jan 7 12:06:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7osjp0/euphoric_feeling_after_purging_and_general/

[Tip] Homemade whole wheat tortillas ! (27 cal)
/u/Nude-prude [ 🍑:nudeprude]
Created: Sun Jan 7 11:49:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7osfmk/homemade_whole_wheat_tortillas_27_cal/

[Rant/Rave] I hit a mini goal today and I feel nothing.
Created: Sun Jan 7 11:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7osenp/i_hit_a_mini_goal_today_and_i_feel_nothing/
I started at my highest weight in July. At 5'4", I was 134 pounds. I used to hover around 115 to 120 and I felt very uncomfortable with how I looked, especially in pictures. I wanted to get down to 115 for my wedding in November. At the time, I thought I would be satisfied at that weight and would aim for maintenance. As I neared my goal, it became obvious that wouldn't be the case. I was 110 the day of our wedding and binged the week of our honeymoon. I came back weighing 119 (logically, I know much of that was water weight). I started restricting again with the goal of reaching a just underweight bmi, which would put me around 107.

This morning, I was 106.5. At first, I felt a slight high from seeing the number. Then I looked in the mirror and realized I honestly see no difference from my highest weight. My stomach looks a little better but my legs are the same. My face is still so round. When my mom asked me how much weight I've lost, I told her five pounds and she believed it. Clearly, any difference in my appearance has been minimal. So now my goal is 100. And once I reach that, I expect to still see no change.

[Help] Got strong binge urges... Help
/u/ShouNinja [170cm | CW 56kg | BMI 19.32 | GW 48kg | 20F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 11:23:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7os94w/got_strong_binge_urges_help/

[Rant/Rave] mardi gras on its way. terrified.
Created: Sun Jan 7 10:40:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7orylh/mardi_gras_on_its_way_terrified/
any southerners totally freaked about king cake season? usually, i'm pretty solid in my discipline, but fuck. i can already feel the stupid fucking temptation.

[Tip] Warmest jacket I’ve ever had- feel like I look huge but also small at the same time- only 25 from American Eagle and so cozy and comfortable *didn’t want to wait until Friday to share*
Created: Sun Jan 7 10:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7orr47/warmest_jacket_ive_ever_had_feel_like_i_look_huge/

[Rant/Rave] Great now I'm one of them.
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 56.9 kg | -26.6 kg | 22F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 09:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7orn5o/great_now_im_one_of_them/
Some of you might remember my rant about wasting food a few days ago. Now I'm just like one if them, AWESOME!
I opened a small cup of 0.1% fat yoghurt seeing it as my dinner and then: dad comes along with my aunt on the phone wanting to switch plans about our vacation (in DECEMBER) and boom I'm not hungry anymore. And I feel stupid too because it was just a change of going 1 day sooner which would save my aunt 200$ but would take another day from me going to classes at university and me being afraid of changes and being super depressed at the monent I threw a tantrum like a 5 year old.
And now my full and opened cup of yoghurt is standing in front of me telling me "now you're wasting food too!". Today is a shit day.

[Discussion] Just a thought I’m sure everyone can relate to
Created: Sun Jan 7 09:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ormfc/just_a_thought_im_sure_everyone_can_relate_to/
I started losing weight at 150 and my goal was 130. When I got close to 130 I changed it to 120 so that I could “eat more and have more buffer to gain a lil weight” then when I got there it changed to 110 with the same reason... now I am 105 ish which I am comfortable with (except I still can’t eat cause then I’ll gain) but I am convinced if I get to 95 then I’ll be able to eat more and stand to gain a couple lbs.... this time I really feel like 95 will be the end and I can be normal at that point but I know it’s not true 😔

[Help] ED School lunches?
Created: Sun Jan 7 09:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7orj87/ed_school_lunches/
My parents heard me purging and now theyve alerted the school. Great start

What can I take to school thats low cal (low everything really) that won't cause any suspicion or anything?

[Discussion] TBH, I'm not even outraged, what pieces would you add?
Created: Sun Jan 7 09:02:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7orc62/tbh_im_not_even_outraged_what_pieces_would_you_add/

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend has stopped eating as a protest to my lack of eating
Created: Sun Jan 7 08:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7or8m9/my_boyfriend_has_stopped_eating_as_a_protest_to/
But I'm almost back down to where I was before my ex left me. And I love the way our hip bones have started to grind together when we have sex. He picked me up in the bar last night for the first time and it felt ethereal. I love him and don't want him to turn out like me

[Goal] 2018 goals
Created: Sun Jan 7 08:42:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7or7t9/2018_goals/
Thanks to endless holiday binging I am once again a 'healthy' wieght and I'm going to maintain it this year! 2018 goal: stay at a healthy BMI!

Or at least, I WAS at a healthy wieght. Then I caught a stomach bug on Friday and haven't eaten since. I feel so much better than I did and am planning how to get to my UGW before summer. Thank you, universe, for sending me a reminder. Alternatively, fuck you universe for sending me a reminder.

(on mobile, please tag as 'rant/rave')

[Other] Breakfast
Created: Sun Jan 7 08:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7or4z7/breakfast/
Woke up this morning after binging and purging three times last night. After talking to two of my friends I decided that this was it, I wasn’t going to diet anymore. I would accept myself as is.
I went to the kitchen, put eggs in the pan, and then literally froze.
*You shouldn’t eat those.* I’ve never had an ED voice in my head but there it fucking was.
My hand was frozen to the bag of cheese I was going to use.
*You could just throw those away.*
I tried to wrestle with my thoughts, be rational, but I couldn’t.
I threw the eggs down the drain and put the shredded cheese away.
*No one will love you if you’re fat.*

Is anyone a current or former college athlete who wants to share their favorite/most intense workout?
Created: Sun Jan 7 08:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7or4ma/is_anyone_a_current_or_former_college_athlete_who/

[Discussion] January 7th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Jan 7 07:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oqxmt/january_7th_2018_question_of_the_day/
In what way are you lucky or not lucky?

[Rant/Rave] the pain of this disorder
Created: Sun Jan 7 07:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oqu0d/the_pain_of_this_disorder/

[Rant/Rave] Rant - I cannot find sriracha anywhere in this town
Created: Sun Jan 7 07:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oqrek/rant_i_cannot_find_sriracha_anywhere_in_this_town/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 07, 2018
Created: Sun Jan 7 05:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oq9ne/daily_food_diary_january_07_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 07, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Jan 7 05:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oq9lc/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

Ednos isnt a my choice.
Created: Sun Jan 7 03:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7opvv8/ednos_isnt_a_my_choice/

[Rant/Rave] Late night Target helped me stop a binge halfway through
Created: Sun Jan 7 02:22:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7opptu/late_night_target_helped_me_stop_a_binge_halfway/
I was 1,680 calories into my most shameful binge routine, which involves driving to multiple Taco Bell locations to order embarrassing quantities of food. I desperately needed to pee and decided to duck into a Target with late-night hours that was on the way.

I was so surprised when I felt the binge’s momentum slowing down. Suddenly I realized: I can also get a dopamine hit here! The money I was about to flush down the toilet could also buy liquid eyeliner or a soothing candle in a pretty jar.

I’ve never been able to stop mid-binge before, and it felt SO GOOD YOU GUYS. The beginning is the best part anyway—the rest is not fun, painful and full of self-loathing. I’m sitting here with my tea and new candle and I feel okay. The guilt of the 1,680 calories is nothing compared to the pride of having a tiny bit of self-control.

TL;DR: sometimes other forms of gratification work too.

Bonus binge realization: In thinking back on previous eating patterns, I realized I’m most likely to binge when eating maintenance or above. Restricting leads to restricting, eating leads to eating. I feel like the idea that restricting means bigger binges is kinda bogus for some people.

[Rant/Rave] All of a sudden unemployed, not sure if I'm gonna recover or nosedive.
Created: Sun Jan 7 01:42:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7opkz5/all_of_a_sudden_unemployed_not_sure_if_im_gonna/
So I just got off of a miserable shift at a miserable job. I nearly fainted, largely as a result of my eating disorder. I was visibly ill and could not do the work that was asked of me. My boss belittled me (what the fuck else is new) so I worked til she let me leave (THREE HOURS LATER!!!) and decided that I am absolutely not going back to work tomorrow morning on five hours of sleep. I feel super guilty but I told her that she can do what she needs to and I need to advocate for my health and wellbeing. I could hear her talking shit to my coworkers when I was trying to pick myself up in the bathroom.

So now I'm like, am I going to continue to destroy myself because I'm basically a sad neet again, or am I going to get better because I'm no longer working at that buttfuck job? Anyway I just needed to rant because I'm gonna feel super bad tomorrow morning when they call me asking where I am and inevitably bitch about me and my work ethic. 🤷‍♀️

[Rant/Rave] "My girlfriend is super tall, thin...so was my last one :)"
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Sun Jan 7 01:21:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7opikg/my_girlfriend_is_super_tall_thinso_was_my_last_one/
My roommate constantly talks about how thin their significant others are. Like, 5'8" and 95 lb thin.

Not only does it make me feel like I'll never be enough, it feels...weird...because they have an obese BMI. It makes me feel like I have to be thin in order to be attractive...even not-thin people want to date skinny people only 🙃

It feels like they're bragging because they consider thinness to be a sign of attractiveness :) guess I'll die

[Discussion] Tea talk
Created: Sun Jan 7 01:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7opid7/tea_talk/
I’ve been getting way more into tea lately, because winter ❄️ and delicious. What are some of your faves?

I’ve been all about black tea (Tazo’s new dessert blondie, or their classic earl grey), but I don’t like having too much caffeine at night. I also like Throat Coat (lemon licorice) and Mighty Leaf’s citrus chamomile.

[Rant/Rave] Well looks like I have a new goal
/u/davincisunflower [5'7 | 115 | 18 | GW 102]
Created: Sun Jan 7 00:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7opbpp/well_looks_like_i_have_a_new_goal/
So I was hanging out with my kind of ... on again off again friend the other day. We’ve had our rough patches and are generally competitive with each other, but shes fun to hang out with.

We were eating dinner and she goes “Hey do you know that Brandy Melville model Keighty Schmid?” I said “yeah I think so” and she says “Holy shit have you seen her lately? That girl needs to gain some weight, it’s almost scary”

I just went on her IG and goddamn she’s perfect

[Rant/Rave] I wish my life didn't revolve around food.
Created: Sat Jan 6 23:59:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7op7pe/i_wish_my_life_didnt_revolve_around_food/
hi I'm new here but I'm just venting..

I feel so frustrated.

I feel like my whole entire day is planned around food. What will I eat, when will I eat, how much will I eat, should I binge, should I give up, how many calories is in this, should I drink that soda even though I've tried quitting soda like 15 freaking times....

I know these thoughts are common within ED's but can we all just take a moment to realize how exhausting it is?!!!! I feel like all I do is think about food. Why am I like this ahhhhhhh

[Other] I’m careless, too.
/u/VodkaTimeMachine [5'6 | 112 | 18.1| -48 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 23:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7op2tj/im_careless_too/
Eating is fun, eating is social, eating is *easy*.

So carelessly shoveling handfuls of chips, cookies, candy, into their mouths. So *easy*.

Not a care.

Me too. So easy.

Watch me eat.

Look how carelessly I shovel handfuls of chips, cookies, candy, into my mouth.

I can’t possibly care, can I? How can I?

I’m eating junk food, how am I so thin?

I eat it so carelessly, you see me.

I don’t track what I eat, every bite. Every swallow.

I eat junk food, just like you. You’ve seen.

Calories, what are those? Who cares?

I don’t think about every bite. Heavy on my mind, the numbers. Numbers, numbers.

I eat carelessly, no guilt. No shame.

No crying into a pillow as I lay down with a full stomach.

That bite, the calories, who cares? Not me.

I’m careless, too.

I’m just like you.

I promise.

*just a quick write/vent after a long day of pretending.* You all know how it goes. Thanks for reading. 🙏🏼

[Help] Forced into recovery and NOT ready.
/u/areyouinsanelikeme [5'1" | 66.6 lbs | 12.6 | 12.4 lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Jan 6 23:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ooymr/forced_into_recovery_and_not_ready/

I'm 13. Already been hospitalized 4 times, do NOT wanna go down that road again. Not sick enough to recover (never had organ failure, not grotesquely thin...). Parents said they'll only keep me out of the hospital if I eat 1500 cal a day (that they or a teacher can see). Idk what to do. Advice?

What do you count Calories or Macros or something else?
Created: Sat Jan 6 22:44:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oow39/what_do_you_count_calories_or_macros_or_something/

[Discussion] Soup recommendations?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 22:33:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ooucp/soup_recommendations/
Maybe this is a weird question but I have a really busy schedule and try to only eat one meal a day, so I take soup packets with me in case I feel faint. Does anyone have recommendations? Right now I usually do miso packets (25 cal/packet) or bullion.

[Other] I bought Brain Over Binge used and this was on the very last page.
Created: Sat Jan 6 22:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oothg/i_bought_brain_over_binge_used_and_this_was_on/

Purging brown stuff even though I didnt eat anything brown??
Created: Sat Jan 6 22:02:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oooy8/purging_brown_stuff_even_though_i_didnt_eat/
I ate a bowl of white cheddar popcorn. When I was halfway done with purging this brown swirly substance came out. I'm honestly quite scared! Can someone please tell me what this is?? I heard it was blood but I also drank a lot of diet soda beforehand. I can't tell my parents because they are the kind to just punish me for this behavior, as a result I can't see a doctor either. Is it too late to recover? Will my body heal on its own through time if I never purge again?!?!?!?!

[Rant/Rave] I have no friends that are my size
/u/ayvyns [5'7“ | 135| 21.14 | -7 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 21:56:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oont7/i_have_no_friends_that_are_my_size/
This seems like such a petty thing to complain about, but I have no friends that are my size. All my new female friends are overweight. My depression is older than my ED and I do not make friends easily. I go to the nerdy meetups in my area because I like nerdy things and I guess the stereotypes are true.

I was obese as a kid and I never want to be that person who's smaller than you yet complains about their body issues. So I can't commiserate with anyone IRL about feeling huge, the pressure to be thin when you're tall, dieting while simultaneously trying to avoid triggering ED, small boob problems, clothing frustrations.

[Rant/Rave] Terrified
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 56.9 kg | -26.6 kg | 22F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 20:17:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oo60h/terrified/
Next tuesday I decided to finally get help with my mental state and I am scared shitless. I'm not going there for my ED and I know it therefore would better fit into r/depression but this sub here is the only one I'm comfortable posting in (so if it's against the rules feel free to delete it).

The thing is, that will be my first counseling in my life. I'm scared that I go there and maybe find out that I've been imagening my depression all along and maybe I'm just a tad bit sad? I know I'm mentally fucked up, feeling numb all the time, bursting out in tears just because of small things, not remembering how happy feels, being so scared of failure but not being able to actually do something about it becsuse I'm just too damn scared and tired is not normal...but I still feel like a fraud. Maybe I just made all of that up in my mind because in reality I'm just an attention seeker? Or maybe worse and I actually really have depression and people will think I just use it as excuse to be lazy.
Not to get started on my relationship with food. I've always had disordered eating habits like being very picky and wating too long to eat but it only recently started that I count calories excessively and every amount seems too much. Thinking my metabolism has to defy the law of physics and making me gain if I dare eat 600 indtead if 500 calories. Or me not being able to see the difference between a photo in which I weighted 83.5kg and a new photo in which I weigh 56kg. How could I tell that to someone? Or that I want to continue doing so because I want to be thin and see how far I can go? I'm already crazy enough as it is.

I know I need help, I'm so drained I broke down in front if my parents and I can feel that this time is different from all the other episodes but I'm so damn unreasonably scared to go and get that help.

I'm not really looking for advice I guess I really just wanted to tell someone how I feel because bottleing it up is bad and I can't tell anyone else. So, if you read all that then thank you for taking your time to do so.

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] I know it's completely idiotic, but sometimes I can't help but with I was more stereotypically *tragic*
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Landwhale -18lb | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 20:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oo46h/rantrave_i_know_its_completely_idiotic_but/
EDIT: that was supposed to say 'wish' in the title, dammit.

And I know how moronic that sounds, cuz ED's and other mental illnesses suck and my life has been to shit because of them.

But sometimes I feel like I'm not suffering 'right' and I wish I was more like the stereotypical, *tragically beautiful* mentally ill girl. My cousin is also disordered and has anxiety and OCD, but she is fucking gorgeous and all my extended family just think "It's such a *shame*, she's so beautiful and could do so much with life if she could get better" when they see her, meanwhile I'm the fat lazy slob with no ambition.

I'm not even looking for sympathy or anything from my family/ friends, idk maybe I just want to feel validated? Or taken seriously or something. Idk, like I said it's messed up haha

[Tip] Possible help for grocery shopping woes
Created: Sat Jan 6 19:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oo2li/possible_help_for_grocery_shopping_woes/
So I know attitudes to grocery shopping vary a lot in our community.

As someone who severely restricts and binges it's always been stressful for me. Fear of my inability to choose and perceived judgment often leads to panic attacks in stores.

So this is what I found helpful, [this is my basket](https://imgur.com/a/Sms9x) It's about half the size of a standard (Australian) grocery basket. This means if I'm restricting it still looks like a full basket. And if I'm buying binge food I limit the damage by being physically unable to fit heaps. So get yourself your own shopping basket ❤️

It's also cute af and good for the environment.


Anyway this has helped me, maybe it can help others that find shopping hard 💜💜.

Edit: Finally got it to work!

[Tip] Possible help if you struggle with grocery shopping.
Created: Sat Jan 6 19:45:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7onzy8/possible_help_if_you_struggle_with_grocery/

[Help] Something that might help if grocery shopping is problematic.
Created: Sat Jan 6 19:40:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7onz3q/something_that_might_help_if_grocery_shopping_is/

[Rant/Rave] So I finally got a kettle for my room
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 🇨🇦 ♂︎]
Created: Sat Jan 6 19:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7onsti/so_i_finally_got_a_kettle_for_my_room/
and I haven't eaten since! Since I left my parents (they have an instant hot water faucet for tea) I stopped drinking tea and honestly this makes it so much easier to restrict! I've been in a massive binge cycle for basically all of first semester, so this will probably help me get back on track.
Also, kusmi euphoria is amazing? It literally tastes like orange chocolate and I may or may not be addicted to it.

[Rant/Rave] People learn about my eating disorder and immediately want to talk about and discuss food and diets????
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW: uhhhhhhhhh scale broke]
Created: Sat Jan 6 18:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7onfjn/people_learn_about_my_eating_disorder_and/
Multiple times this has happened. Someone closer to me learns I struggle with an ED and for some reason take that as a cue to talk to me about their food and diets and calories and nutrition?? Why!!? I was triggered super hard today by an underweight friend (doesn't have an ED) who asked me what my BMI was and told me he weighed 6 stone and then repeatedly asked me how to gain weight and kept talking about nutrition all day. This is the first time I've seen him since telling him about my ed and this is what he does???

[Rant/Rave] Blood test results
/u/loratail [5'5 | CW: 101 | 16.8 | 27f]
Created: Sat Jan 6 17:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oncui/blood_test_results/
I feel like an idiot for thinking this but I'm actually disappointed my blood work came back completely normal. I feel like shit all the time - weak and achy, brain fog, always cold, blue nails, dizzy. But apparently I'm fine so it's like all my issues are invalidated. Why do I feel so horrible if I'm so "healthy"? Maybe I'm just going to be wasting the therapist's time next week when I go in for my first session?

Can anyone else relate?

[Help] Uneven/Bumpy Cheeks After Purging?
Created: Sat Jan 6 17:06:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7on2xb/unevenbumpy_cheeks_after_purging/
Ive heard people talk about swelling of the face and stuff after purging and was wondering if this was the same? My cheeks always get bumps and a rough texture, not sure if there’s a direct link to the fact it happens after i purge but any explanation welcome please💖💖

[Rant/Rave] I don't think I could ever be normal about food again
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 119 | 19.23 | 13.4kg | 27.7-]
Created: Sat Jan 6 16:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omyry/i_dont_think_i_could_ever_be_normal_about_food/
Because how would I be when I know the calories and macros in everything? Oats aren't oats, oats are 180 calories and 5gs of fiber for a half a cup serving. Strawberries aren't strawberries, they're about four calories per, but remember to weigh them, because they might be six(GASP) and also, they're pure sugar, fuck the vitamins, who needs vitamins? How do you forget something you've spent so much time memorizing?

How can I be when I'm only 120 lbs, but I still feel obese? How can I be when my pants are a size 4, but hey, those size 6s, they're not completely loose! that means you're a six, which means FAT.

How can I be, when the thoughts won't fucking go away. When there's a little voice in my head screaming "BINGE, BINGE, BINGE" and I can't focus on my work or anything I care about, because I need to fill that need.

It seems more and more hopeless. I feel like I'm stuck for life with this and that's a fucking nightmare right there.

[Discussion] School feuls my ED
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 16:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omy0x/school_feuls_my_ed/
This isn't a rant/rave because I'm not complaining or raving about this, it's mostly just an observation.

Anyway, I've been on winter break for almost two weeks and I'm going back on Monday, and although I don't want to go to school, I'm excited for the weight I know I'm going to lose during this semester. School keeps me occupied most of the day, and I come home to do chores and then whatever for a few hours before bed. I have way less time to eat and I don't tend to binge much during school. Plus, seeing skinny girls in real life is way more effective than looking at thinspos online.
I'm also a bit sad because this is my senior year and after may, I'm not going to have school to keep my eating routine in check. I'll be going to a trade school in August, but the hours are way less. I know I'll learn to appreciate the short days though haha, I just need time to adjust to the change.

Are you guys thankful to school for helping you keep your calories low?

[Discussion] we need r/proEDfoodpics or something! just a thought
Created: Sat Jan 6 16:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omwxb/we_need_rproedfoodpics_or_something_just_a_thought/
I love seeing people’s food pics aaaaand I love taking pics of my food but I never post them because I don’t wanna spam this sub.

dealing with (non food-related) guilt
Created: Sat Jan 6 16:08:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omq31/dealing_with_non_foodrelated_guilt/

[Rant/Rave] Upcoming food review imgur album!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 15:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omjmj/upcoming_food_review_imgur_album/
So! Recently I’ve been buying an absolute shit ton of baby food and also got everything from the new Aldi vegan line. Someone suggested that I review the Aldi stuff, and I thought I would throw the baby food stuff in there too (not really the purees/pouch stuff, more like prepared snacks for toddlers).

I’m totally up for being a guinea pig for other stuff if anyone is scared to try something! Only condition is that it’s vegan. So I’m open to suggestions, or excited to hear people’s opinions on somewhat unusual foods!

[Help] Period almost a week late
Created: Sat Jan 6 15:24:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omge1/period_almost_a_week_late/
So if I don’t get my period by tomorrow it will be a week late.. I’ve never missed a cycle before and it is usually pretty regular.

I don’t think I am malnourished enough to miss my cycle- but I fast for 72 hours every week so maybe that messed it up? But I eat normally/over eat the rest of the days..

I have had a lot of discharge since the day it was supposed to start and I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative (I had sex using pull out a couple times)

I’m trying not to freak out can anyone help??

[Help] To those of you who beat bulimia, how'd you do it?
Created: Sat Jan 6 15:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omepz/to_those_of_you_who_beat_bulimia_howd_you_do_it/
Not only have I stayed at the same weight for ages, but bulimia is taking a toll on my physical and mental health and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. How'd you guys regain control and start successfully restricting again?

[Discussion] Do you ever look at photos from a few years back and don't recognize yourself?
Created: Sat Jan 6 15:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7omb4a/do_you_ever_look_at_photos_from_a_few_years_back/
I'm looking at photos from freshman year of college, and I looked so happy and innocent. And yea, I was heavier than I am now, but I was never "fat". It's like I'm looking at a girl who isn't me, and so I don't judge her like I would have judged myself. I was much prettier then in a soft, nerdy way. I realize how other people would have likely seen me. They wouldn't have thought I was ugly or fat. Plain or nerdy maybe. I'd give anything to go back to that.

[Rant/Rave] [Suicide TW] pretty sure I'm just straight up going to kill myself at some point this year
/u/defenestrationdisco [5'8 | CW 57 kg | GW 50 kg | 19F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 14:44:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7om71y/suicide_tw_pretty_sure_im_just_straight_up_going/
my main reason not to for the past 5 years has been my family, and I'm just causing them more and more pain as time goes on. Also I can't keep living solely to please ppl who constantly fucking complain about my every choice (even though my choices are really shitty in fairness).

The only other reason is that ending up a gross corpse by the sea with seagulls eating my eyeballs is like, a hella shitty/dissapointing end to my life story, you know? But that's narcissistic bc no one is actually interested in the story (this ain't a book, my life is v mundane), it will almost certainly have a really boring end anyway, and also if I'm dead when seagulls eat my eyeballs I won't care anyway. At this rate making the seagulls happy by giving them my delicious eyeballs would be a fucking high point in my existence.

Sorry I keep talking about my corpse being devoured by sea birds but i find it unreasonably funny and I need all the joy I can get at this point.

Anyway don't be too serious please (although I appreciate and love all attention honestly and I understand this is serious) I'm too tired and self hating to be serious about this. Please do make seagull jokes.

[Help] Tips to not overeat when my bf comes over
/u/myrtlewils0n [21F | 5'4 | CW 127.1 | BMI 21.8 | GW 115]
Created: Sat Jan 6 14:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7om1wc/tips_to_not_overeat_when_my_bf_comes_over/

[Rant/Rave] Nearly at my high weight again :(
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Sat Jan 6 14:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7olzaa/nearly_at_my_high_weight_again/
I was doing so well, dropped to 118 over Xmas and then I came home and started eating pizza and cookies and all the other junk food in my room. I'm so disgusted with myself because I was doing so well, I was eating healthily for the first few days and then I started craving cookies, chocolate, KFC and takeout pizza so I ate all of it and I'm at 121 as of this morning and while I know I might have a whoosh or that it's probably water weight its so shit. I'm doing okay today, at 896 which is higher than I'd like but less than what I've been eating.

Just fucking hell. I need a hug :(

[Rant/Rave] The Double Edged Sword of the Holidays
Created: Sat Jan 6 13:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7olvp2/the_double_edged_sword_of_the_holidays/

[Rant/Rave] omg I can't stop crying after my boyfriend ate for breakfast the date muffin I had been saving while I was in the shower
/u/senpai_no_oppai_da [Height: 170cm | 25F | CW: 🐖💨]
Created: Sat Jan 6 13:40:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7olsc2/omg_i_cant_stop_crying_after_my_boyfriend_ate_for/
I don't know what's wrong with me 😰 I don't even like muffins!

I know it's irrational and stupid and i love him, but I had been saving the calories for that after restricting to 300 cal a day all week and it was the only food i was gonna have today 😡 too.

Restricting sucks, fasting sucks, people eating your muffins suck omg


[Discussion] January 6th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 13:25:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7olord/january_6th_2018_question_of_the_day/
Today was tough because _____?

[Discussion] For someone who’s terrified of eating, I sure love grocery shopping
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 13:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7olo1e/for_someone_whos_terrified_of_eating_i_sure_love/
Does anyone else absolutely love making their grocery list and then wandering around looking for some new ridiculous low-cal food to stock up on? My local Winco just started stocking a new flavor of Shasta diet soda and I almost got giddy. Same thing for finding a new brand of low-cal Greek yogurt to replace the Kroger Carbmaster yogurt cups I used to get.

And don’t even get me started on looking for food I know I’m going to chew/spit later. It’s so absurd in hindsight - “boy oh boy I can’t wait to painstakingly chew up three cookies in a row and not swallow a single bite” but in the moment it’s this crazy weird high.

Anyway. Thought I’d share, because the alternative is more studying and I am exhausted.

[Rant/Rave] I get really mad sometimes.
Created: Sat Jan 6 13:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7olmz3/i_get_really_mad_sometimes/

[Rant/Rave] Could I please just make up my mind?
/u/ohwellwhatever90 [166cm | 44 | 16.0 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 11:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7okvrh/could_i_please_just_make_up_my_mind/
Anyone else living forever in a horrible limbo in between active ED and recovery? I'm so on and off with this shit it is driving me insane. The past few days I've been restricting, running on the spot to get my stupid fitbit steps up, all that shit, but also like spending hours researching dietitians in the area and emailing them to ask for rates, listening to recovery podcasts and watching recovery vloggers on youtube.

It's like, I never commit to the ED symptoms for long enough at a time to get in a state where I'm forced to seek help, but I also never get enough motivation to push myself to give recovery a proper shot again. So I'm forever back and forth, spending one day restricting and then back to maintenance the next, maintaining around the same weight for literal years because I can't get my shit together to have the willingness to actually gain and properly recover but I also can't give in to the ED's shouts to lose more for more than a few days before I pull myself back into 'maybe I should recover' mode.

Honestly it's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I want. I also feel like because I don't have any insurance or money or access to treatment it's like, why bother trying because doing it alone feels impossible when I don't have a ton of motivation to put myself, with no outside push or help, onto a weight gain meal plan and actually follow it. My husband thinks I look fine as I am too, which honestly doesn't help. I'm glad he's honest but yeah, doesn't help.

Idk what I'm hoping for posting this here. Just if anyone gets it, that would be cool to know. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] I’m losing weight but I can’t tell
/u/booger-burger69 [5'3 | CW: 117lbs | UGW 100lbs | -18lbs | 21F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 10:20:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7okhok/im_losing_weight_but_i_cant_tell/
I’m so mad. The scale says 111 lbs now but I can’t tell a difference from when I was 135 lbs. Plus the scale is running low on batteries so maybe its faulty?? But everyone is commenting on how I’m losing weight. The only way I can’t deny I’m losing weight is my clothes are baggier and my face is losing its baby fat.

My ED has never been this bad. I’ve never wanted to be skeletal but now bonespo is the only thing that inspires me. I barely eat and its so easy. Its so easy for me to chew and spit or not eat at all, while it’s almost impossible for me to eat normally.

I don’t know how to get better. It’s been slowly getting worse for over six months now, when I was younger I would just go through short month long periods of restricting maybe once or twice a year. But now I restrict for weeks, maybe eat normally for a couple weeks, then go back to restricting.

I can’t afford therapy, they don’t have ANY eating disorder groups or free therapy in my state at all... I’m so scared.

[Rant/Rave] Most Cringe-y Thinspo Chain
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 10:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7okh6t/most_cringey_thinspo_chain/
So I was reading a post and realized that thinspo hasreally become more popular and normalized in our culture.

I thought this would be a good place to start a chain of thinspo quotes/images/stories etc... that are infuriating/ just make ya cringe...

To start it off:
-"nothing feels as good as skinny feels" *pisses me the fuck off when people without a disorder say this. Mostly because it promotes starvation and makes i sounds like dying is a good 'ol time*

-https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hCCtP1RT9aw/hqdefault.jpg these pictures in black and white with literally just thighs and a quote -.-

[Rant/Rave] rock bottom
/u/basedgore [5'3| CW:82-84lb | GW1: 80lb | UGW: 75lb | M]
Created: Sat Jan 6 09:53:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7okbhj/rock_bottom/
hi its been a while,, but idk i have to let shit out somehow and i love this sub so.

a few months ago, i hit my initial ugw of 90 lbs. since then ive lowered my ugw to 75, and im hovering in the low 80s, which is terrifying to me. my life is consumed by food, its consumed by my vanity, and i dont do anything besides worry about food or engage in ed-related activities. i think life is pointless to live now because im just so absorbed by thoughts of food that i am not a person. i am my fucking ed at this point.

i had a huge health scare around when i hit my ugw too- ended up in the ER and was shaky for weeks and i had a "revelation" that i should recover- obviously i stopped caring about that. i have stints of wanting my life back but at the end of the day i cant break out of these fucking habits.

i became addicted to b/ping too. i have so many cavities.. i found 3 of them the other day and in my head i told myself "this is a sign, this is a fucking sign to stop purging" and purged that very fucking night. i cant stop thinking about food and my only comfort is stuffing my face., and the feeling of release from vomiting it all up. i fucking hate myself. im just a goddamned shell and i dont see the point in living. i want to get better but i just cant break out of these disgusting habits and i hate it so so so much.

this morning i tore up an english muffin until it was exactly 11 grams because i felt too fat to eat more than 30 cals for breakfast. 30. calories. i am over 10 pounds underweight.

my ed fucking consumes me. i am nothing besides it anymore

[Discussion] TMI: Another post-binge bathroom post ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/u/aetolica [5'4" | F | 31]
Created: Sat Jan 6 09:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ok4xs/tmi_another_postbinge_bathroom_post_ツ/
Soooo I've been trying to recover for a long time. Like, 2+ years. I'm on the slow track! Anyway, things have been stabilizing and the ED behaviors a lot less severe than they've been in the past.

Except last night. Binge time!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ...Omg. I've been trying to lose some of the weight gained from recovery by eating less. Every time I try to lose weight, I freak out and end up binging (pickles, mineral water, cheese, bagel, sausage, whipped cream, popcorn, soy milk, seaweed, artichoke pastry - literally everything I could find). Anyway.

TMI: I got horrendous, immediate diarrhea. Like my body couldn't even handle it any more. WTF, I used to binge every day without this problem. Does anyone else experience this side effect??? It made the experience even worse than it normally is.

This morning I woke up feeling like shit, of course, like a hangover, so it's plain rye toast, black coffee, and mineral water. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] Midnight Binges [rant]
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sat Jan 6 09:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ok2j9/midnight_binges_rant/
I have BED. I was doing well, got out of being overweight. I maintained for a year. But the last 4 months have been turning. I've gained weight, I have no self control around food again. All the BED crap has come back, but the last 3 nights I woke up at midnight-ish and binged. I wake up with wrappers and containers on my night stand. The first night I said I was just hungry. The second night I said it was a mistake. Last night was the 3rd night in a row and I'm losing control.

I'm stressed out.

[Other] Only two mini binges this week!
/u/datnastaythrowaway [H 164 | CW 56kg | GW: 50kg]
Created: Sat Jan 6 09:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ok09s/only_two_mini_binges_this_week/
On Tuesday and last night I had "mini binges" but both times I managed to stop myself at just over 1800. I'm so proud, considering I'm used to bingeing on 3000 calories in one sitting, not including the "normal" meals I ate that day.

Mfp says if I stay on track and eat only what I've planned for tonight and tomorrow I'll still be 2000 calories under my weekly goal (set at 1200 a day), with just over 900 as the daily average.

It's not perfect, but after gaining a whole bunch of weight from bingeing aaaallllll December I'm finally feeling optimistic.

I know probably no one cares, but it's so good to have a place to let this out, because I certainly can't talk to my friends/family/bf about it, so thank you guys for being such an amazing supportive community, and sorry for the ramble <3

[Help] Loss of my pet, binge eating, snow days, I hate my body, I feel disgusting, my mind is nothing.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Sat Jan 6 08:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ojwfg/loss_of_my_pet_binge_eating_snow_days_i_hate_my/
Over winter break my cat got really sick so suddenly. The vet said he most likely had a stroke and was going through kidney failure. We kept him as comfortable as possible, and he passed a few days later. It was devastating. My boyfriend is so upset and so is our other cat, his brother, who has been so depressed and acting unusual. He had become very emotional, not eating as much ( a big boy Maine coon) and constantly needs to be cuddling with one of us or he cries....it’s all too much to handle.

With this, winter break, being snowed in, and just feeling like nothing matters I’ve been binging to get this shit off my mind. I’m beyond stressed from missing so much work due to snow as I will be so behind. I’ve just been home. I feel the fat on my body forming. I hate myself, it’s been like 10 days of just eating and eating and eating. This is not me. I’ve never binged this long. Wtf am I doing.

I just want to die, instead I’m considering baking cupcakes. I’m not even hungry it’s just becoming impulsive. Food is doing nothing for me. It’s not the high of the binge I usually feel. It’s just eating to be fat I guess. I’m a 🐋

I know when work starts up again, hopefully my routine will as well.

I’m so broke now from Christmas and vet bills. My boyfriend is not contributing much right now and I’m beyond stressed.

I miss my little buddy, I’m trying to give my other cat as many cuddles as possible, I’ve never seen an animal so depressed. I love him so much and seeing him so sad is breaking my heart.

I’m depressed, I’m fat, I apparently just want to stuff my face with calories. I am not even enjoying it. I’m just here, eating, way to cold to leave. I ate a whole bag of halo tangerines in one day!

I feel so gross. My body was “acceptable” to me at the end of November and beginning of December compared to then it’s utter shit.

I hate myself, if only I could stop eating right now.

Why did I do this to myself.

I am so gone. I want to cut this fat off. I’m disgusting.

Also my hair is breaking off and falling out.

[Discussion] How does your body change during your period?
Created: Sat Jan 6 08:38:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ojvjv/how_does_your_body_change_during_your_period/
Noticing a huge difference in my period this month, lighter cycle, bigger breasts and weight gain :( (5 lbs) struggling with this.

[Discussion] For those who count macros & calories - what else do you micromanage in your life?
/u/happymasq [5'6'' | CW 103.6 | BMI 16.79 | 26F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 06:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ojdaq/for_those_who_count_macros_calories_what_else_do/
My counsellor and I spoke this week about anxiety and micromanagement. From her perspective, people who live with clinical anxiety often overcompensate for a lack of control over their lives by micromanaging the little things they actually CAN control.

Of course, this is a double-edged sword. While micromanaging things provides temporary relief, it also heightens the angst of losing control and deviating from the plan.

I immediately related this idea to my disordered eating habits. Tracking my calories/macro ratios and planning all my meals down to the gram helps me feel safe about what I'm eating, and allows me to better control my weight. But it also causes massive anxiety when I fuck up and binge or have to eat something unexpected, even though I rationally know that eating 2000 calories once in a while is not going to kill me. This leads to purging.

Anyhow, I started thinking about how this pattern creeps into other aspects of my life as well. A big one for me is money. I earn a low income, with fixed expenses like rent/electricity/heating taking up 52% of my paycheck. So I obsessively budget and track every cent I spend in spreadsheets, agonizing over each purchase. I don't remove tags from anything for a week because I'm often overcome with guilt and return the purchase. If an unexpected expense comes up, like an issue with my car or my work computer, I lose my mind. This also feeds into my food problems, because if I'm having a bad month financially, I compensate by eating less.

I thought this was an interesting tangent and was wondering if anyone else could relate. What do you micromanage? Do you see it as having any relationship to your ED?

Please take care.

How long can you guys heavy restrict for?
/u/overweightandstress [5'8 | CW: 144 lb | BMI: 21.4 | GW: 127 lb| F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 06:38:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oj9zx/how_long_can_you_guys_heavy_restrict_for/

[Help] My fucking shins
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Sat Jan 6 06:34:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oj9fd/my_fucking_shins/
I only managed to run 15 minutes this morning before an ungodly pain in my shins forced me to stop. I took a rest day yesterday because I didn’t want to overextend, but apparently that was useless.

a) how do I prevent this? I binge when I can’t exercise

b) should I switch (back) to the elliptical? the treadmill gives me a more rewarding workout, but something is better than quitting because I want to scream

What's your favourite low-cal snack/meal?
Created: Sat Jan 6 05:58:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oj3m7/whats_your_favourite_lowcal_snackmeal/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! January 06, 2018
Created: Sat Jan 6 05:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oix3h/stupid_questions_saturday_january_06_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for January 06, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 06, 2018
Created: Sat Jan 6 05:10:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oiwyg/daily_food_diary_january_06_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 06, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Intro] Fresh out the psych ward. Worse than I went in. Desperate.
Created: Sat Jan 6 04:17:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oiq8w/fresh_out_the_psych_ward_worse_than_i_went_in/
SO. I went into hospital at 180 pounds. (Didn't go in for an ED. Went in for self harm and emergence of BPD.) I left at 250 pounds after around 6 months. My BMI is now 36. I need to get down to at least 180 pounds again - then I can work on getting lower.

Fucking hurt so badly - but I was eating my feelings - as well as being forced to eat the meals. But at the same time I got praised if I only ate half my meal or skipped a meal. I only started doing it about two weeks before I left though.

I've been trying and failing to throw up my meals since I've got home- and I'm desperately trying to loose the weight. I've had BDD all my life - abd Im pretty sure I have BED. I've binged twice today alone -and I hate myself for it.

So it's time to stop playing around. Apparently water fasting can get me loosing about half a stone a week (at least at the beginning). I can't eat now. I need to loose this weight - fast. My body is covered in stretch marks and jesus christ I hate it. I have dreams of being an actor - and I'm not going to get there at this weight. 

The doctor's going to prescribe me exercise - and you can bet I WONT be leaving the gym until I pass out. I WON'T be eating apart from the odd meal to offset my parent's suspicion. (They're obviously very concerned after I came out the psych ward). The truth is - nobody is gonna give a shit because I'm starting at clinically obese. 

So I guess Im joining here for tips. Im joining for help. Im joining for motivation to get this fat off me. 

Alright. So thats my situation. I'm Farz, I'm 16 and I'm a guy. Nice to me all of ya.

[Discussion] Are you productive when starving?
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [170| 54| 18.6|f]
Created: Sat Jan 6 04:00:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oinyn/are_you_productive_when_starving/
I'm an architecture student and the next two weeks will be literal hell, what with having a bunch of projects to hand in for nearly every class. And if that's not enough, after those two weeks are done, finals are next. And we all know finals suck.

I just can't see myself getting through all of this shit. And I know I will need every ounce of energy possible for this, but all I want to do is stop eating forever as some sort of revenge or just to prove I have control over something, *anything*.

Are you productive when starving or does it only weaken you and make things worse?

[Rant/Rave] I came home for the holidays and stuffed my face
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 03:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oik86/i_came_home_for_the_holidays_and_stuffed_my_face/
Partially because I was so paranoid about my family thinking something was up that I ate just to look normal, except they were around me ALL THE TIME so that meant eating basically a normal amount of food. And also partially because, truth be told, I'm really hungry lol.

At first it was kind of liberating to give myself permission to eat, though it wasn't the unconditional kind of "recovery" permission to eat since I've been telling myself this whole time that I'll starve it off later. The problem is that I've ballooned up in the 3 weeks I've been back. I am so disgusted with myself. I've lost every bit of self control I've been able to muster up over all this time. I feel physically uncomfortable in this body, I can't feel my bones anymore, my body is noticeably bigger. I can't handle it. My anxiety is skyrocketing and other than throwing caution to the wind and starving without caring who notices (if I'm even capable of controlling myself like that anymore!!!) I have no clue what to do. Help me.

[Rant/Rave] I have gained weight, I don't know how much, but it's killing me
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57.1kg | BMI 18.86 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 25F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 03:28:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oik1x/i_have_gained_weight_i_dont_know_how_much_but_its/
I know that it'll be from night out after night out over the Christmas period catching up with me. I am not even weighing myself until the end of January so I can get it under control again - but I am so conscious of my boobs being bigger, my thighs being bigger, my wrists not looking as bony, my jawline (which is pretty non-existent to begin with) softening.

I am ill, PMSing and shattered - but I am also incredibly depressed. I feel like no one understands either. "Your not SUPPOSED to be able to count your ribs"...yeah I know, but I want to.

I am so very alone. I have no irl friends to turn to. I am so scared of the scale. I can't believe I let myself get to this. I assume I'm like 65kg or something. It's killing me. It needs to go NOW.

Sorry for the word vom. I'm just really, really not doing well. Taking extra anti anxiety med today because I fucking need it and the Dr said it was okay to do that if I was feeling too bad.

I can't even exercise properly today because I'm in a shit bed and I've really fucked my back over.

Please someone just kill me :L

[Rant/Rave] I can't handle this right now
Created: Sat Jan 6 03:24:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oijl2/i_cant_handle_this_right_now/

[Rant/Rave] I shouldn't be happy but I am
/u/New-Dart [BMI 16.8 | 174cm | F]
Created: Sat Jan 6 01:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oi82n/i_shouldnt_be_happy_but_i_am/
I'm back to my last admission weight and although I should be horrified I'm so happy.
By this point last time I was a physically weak wreak, but right now I'm kind of okay in myself.

I don't really know where this was going.

Tl;dr skinny girl is happy

[Goal] I'm finally a pound away from my goal weight!
Created: Sat Jan 6 01:49:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oi6w0/im_finally_a_pound_away_from_my_goal_weight/
After a couple months of restricting quite low I'm FINALLY at a lower weight. It took seemingly so long to lose 10 pounds- I restricted under 1,000 calories. Some days only eating 400 and others 800. But now I am finally can say I'm almost/pretty much there! But deep down I know (like years ago when I was at a different weight) that you just keep going because it's an obsession. I might go for my UGW too- but actually quite scared. I can't get too low bc I don't want to lose my period. Already happened before for half of a year and now I have Osteoporosis too. A warning to really be careful!

It's been hard with my chronic pain and illness to suffer from a returning ED again- I know it's bad but at least I'm a little happier for now.
Love you guys xx
Alice 🖤

[Discussion] Anyone here have a BED?
/u/LittleCritterCR [5'2.5'' F Binge eater]
Created: Sat Jan 6 01:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oi3bk/anyone_here_have_a_bed/

[Discussion] does anyone else feel a weird nostalgia for the cringey mid 2000’s proana culture?
Created: Sat Jan 6 00:32:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ohwek/does_anyone_else_feel_a_weird_nostalgia_for_the/
I’m a little ashamed to admit it, but I really crave the unabashedly pro anorexia 2000’s era internet cult. It definitely made my ED worse but I already had body dysmorphia and disordered eating so it probably would have happened eventually.

It was kinda nice to have friends who understand what I felt and would indulge my most destructive impulses. I liked having this secret community that felt “taboo” and “forbidden”... now proana is almost mainstream imo

does anyone here relate?

[Rant/Rave] Never making a cake again. WORST
Created: Sat Jan 6 00:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ohv40/never_making_a_cake_again_worst/
OH MY GOD! I need to rant. The other day was my boyfriends birthday and I made him homemade crafty gifts because we're moving and haven't got a lot of extra cash at the moment - totally fine. I also made him a mud cake and I'm not very good at baking cakes but this one turned out so damn good but I'm the only one who's eating it!!!!! The past couple of days have been a goddamn nightmare because I can't stop binging on this freaking chocolate cake!!! And he was like oh just only eat a little bit of it and don't binge. Like who tf do you think you're talking to! This is why I need to not have ANY foods in the house that aren't safe foods and I've been doing so well lately too like eating 700-900 kcals a day. Not with this dang cake in the house! I wanted to chuck it out but he was like no just "have some self control" (that was sort of a joke, he does know all about my exhaustive history with food but I think doesn't totally understand it). But AGH THIS CAKE IS SET TO RUIN MY LIFE!!!!

Anyone here have had gallstones?
Created: Sat Jan 6 00:03:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ohs2v/anyone_here_have_had_gallstones/
I just got diagnosed with gallstones and am getting gallbladder removal surgery. I’m worried the reason I got them was because I’ve lost 50lbs in the past 5 months. I’m nowhere near my goal, let alone a healthy weight. I’m worried about future weight loss now and fasting.... Anyone here have any experience with gallbladder removal? How did it effect your weight loss?

[Rant/Rave] Gotta brag about my boyfriend
Created: Fri Jan 5 23:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ohot0/gotta_brag_about_my_boyfriend/
I posted around a year ago about being nervous about telling him the extent of my ED. Ive told him and he has witnessed. I've been "in recovery" since before I met him but definitely still relapse and I honestly don't think I'll ever be rid of it (nor do I want to be totally rid of it, honestly, but that's another post and I think you all kinda get it anyway.)

Anyway! He drunkenly told me that he just assumes I'm throwing up my meal every time I go to the bathroom, but he hasn't said anything because I mentioned once a long time ago that any attention brought to my ED just makes it worse and harder for me.

He wants me to be skinny and "throw-able" but he wants me to achieve that in a healthy way. He also understands that I haven't quite figured out that balance and that I HATE being in recovery because of it. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. But he does his best to encourage recreational exercise vs. exercise to lose weight and eating healthy for mental health vs. eating healthy to lose weight. He doesn't totally understand my ED but he definitely tries and is respectful of it.

He's great.

[Rant/Rave] First binge/ purge of the new year
Created: Fri Jan 5 23:36:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oho02/first_binge_purge_of_the_new_year/

I desperately want to eat...but I can't! (NSFW)
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Fri Jan 5 21:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oh5vo/i_desperately_want_to_eatbut_i_cant_nsfw/

[Other] BINGE is on their final Livestream!!
/u/AuntieWhisper [5'5" | cw:100lbs | gw:94lbs | aka: NeverThinEnough]
Created: Fri Jan 5 21:34:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oh2zp/binge_is_on_their_final_livestream/
Well, not final. The YouTube series BINGE is currently live streaming tonight and taking donations for their shows filming this year!! Check out the link at the bottom and join us! If you haven't heard of BINGE, make sure to watch the pilot as soon as you get to their channel! See you all in chat!


[Rant/Rave] I'm terrified I won't be able to be skinny again
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Fri Jan 5 21:28:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oh1x1/im_terrified_i_wont_be_able_to_be_skinny_again/
I have been hovering around 130 lbs for a month now. For a week I got down to 122, but I overate and in 2 days I was back up to 127. Now I'm 132 lbs. I have never been so fat for so long. I'm so scared that this is going to become my normal weight. I'm not even binging now, but I still eat too much. It's as if my brain won't even let me restrict anymore.

I hate myself so much for going from 110 in the summer to this disgusting person I am now. What if I won't be able to restrict back down to that weight and I'm stuck at 132 or even higher. Someone please help me

[Discussion] How long can you guys heavy restrict for?
Created: Fri Jan 5 20:28:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ogqby/how_long_can_you_guys_heavy_restrict_for/

[Discussion] Anyone else caught in this Catch 22 with their SO?
Created: Fri Jan 5 20:12:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ogn5l/anyone_else_caught_in_this_catch_22_with_their_so/
My boyfriend (who is aware of my ED though I try to play it off) does that thing that I feel like all guys do: he'll say "I like a woman who's thicc/has an ass etc." but then all the girls he points out as attractive or checks out are stereotypically pretty and thin or in really good shape. But then when we're in bed, he goes crazy for all of the parts of my body that I hate: my stomach (that just boggles my fucking mind how someone could be attracted to that), my thighs, my boobs. He's also said to me many times before, when I complain about how fat I am: "You could gain a lot of weight and still be attractive." Which I know isn't true, because I've been a lot heavier than I am now, and trust me it wasn't cute.

Here's the loop though: I beat myself up for not being attractive enough for him, especially when he turns me down for sex, checks out other girls, or just in general when I feel like I'm the less attractive partner. He's a very tall and naturally muscular guy with an effortlessly great body type, and here I am starving myself all day just to even stand a chance of looking acceptable. I know that realistically, I will never feel like I'm good enough for him if I don't even feel good about myself.

On the other hand, I'm getting all these mixed messages from him about "I like when you gain weight", even though I HATE myself when I do that, and will never feel attractive, ever, at a higher weight than I am now. So there's no way to win. Either I'm happy with myself, and "too skinny" for his proclaimed sexual preferences, or I'm what I consider to be fat and disgusting, but what he finds attractive.

What keeps the scales tipping (lolol good pun) in favor of continuing to lose weight *are* all those times I notice him checking out thinner girls, or better yet, when I've been restricting hardcore and he'll say out of nowhere, "Wow, you look so pretty today!" Yeah I know I do -- because I haven't eaten in 48 hours. Even though he claims otherwise, deep down I suspect he'd still be attracted to me even if I lost a lot more weight.

This also brings up something that I feel is another common thing with guys that just kills me inside: that a lot of them are happy to take a bigger, curvier girl to bed and genuinely enjoy it, but won't be proud to take that same girl out on a date in public or bring her around their friends because she's not skinny and hot. Everytime my boyfriend turns me down for a date (even if I rationally know it's for some other reason, like money) I get worried that's the reason. And I know I shouldn't even care, but I do :(

[Help] How to not binge?!
Created: Fri Jan 5 20:00:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ogkjt/how_to_not_binge/

[Discussion] January 4/5 (?) 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 19:55:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ogjjs/january_45_2018_question_of_the_day/
Apparently I mixed up days/skipped a day somehow, so here’s today’s actual question:

What was the last restaurant you ate at?

[Help] Tips to getting back on track
Created: Fri Jan 5 19:44:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oghdk/tips_to_getting_back_on_track/

Me on any given day
Created: Fri Jan 5 19:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ogdfk/me_on_any_given_day/

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I am never going to be able to eat normally because of my height
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 134.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 19:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ogd3x/i_feel_like_i_am_never_going_to_be_able_to_eat/
My TDEE is 1500 and at my goal weight it will be 1350. I will always have to be “on a diet” to maintain my weight. I will never be able to just say fuck it and get Wendy’s because I don’t feel like cooking. I will never be able to look forward to going to a restaurant because all I will be thinking about is calories. I can’t even have a glass of wine with my boyfriend because I’m afraid the alcohol will result in water retention. I will never be able to stop counting calories. I will be in this forever or I will be fat. Those are my only 2 choices. It feels hopeless.

[Tip] Saw this on r/1200isplenty, it's low cal snack ideas
Created: Fri Jan 5 19:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7og8ws/saw_this_on_r1200isplenty_its_low_cal_snack_ideas/

[Tip] Thought of a cute/helpful idea
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | CW: 128 | GW: 116 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 18:22:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7og0k3/thought_of_a_cutehelpful_idea/

Im probably not the first to do this but get a piece of paper and make a loooong list of things to do. It can literally anything. Put a lot of productive things you need to get done but have been pushing off. Put down hobbies you want to start/pick back up. Self-care activities like face mask, bath, manicure, pedicure, etc. DEEP CLEAN! Read a book you haven't gotten to. Hell, I have on mine to decorate my to-do list so it looks pretty.

You're not allowed to eat until you finish everything on the list. This will help you get shit done and keep you busy probably for several days. And by the end of the few days you're used to not eating so it's even easier. And you can always keep adding to the list.

I definitely recommend juicing fruits/vegetables to get some nutrients in to help you feel better and finish your tasks.

If anyone can think of anything to add to a list like this please chime in!!

[Rant/Rave] Binged all morning, purged it all up, then ate a bunch of junk at lunch because I was so sure I was about to fail an exam and why the fuck not ruin everything else too?
Created: Fri Jan 5 17:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ofvcw/binged_all_morning_purged_it_all_up_then_ate_a/

[Help] Lunch/dinner plans excuse
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 17:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ofu5d/lunchdinner_plans_excuse/
What’s your go-to? Every single time my friends are planning on being in town or driving through they try to make plans in advance to “catch up over lunch” or dinner or whatever. And I can’t do it. I’ve ditched them so so so many times.

It’s easy if there’s no plans made and they just show up cuz I can always say I already ate! But what about when they make plans days ahead of time??

[Help] Help please :(
Created: Fri Jan 5 17:40:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ofrb5/help_please/

[Rant/Rave] First gym session of the year 🏆
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 17:39:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ofqwd/first_gym_session_of_the_year/

[Rant/Rave] dae get irrationally angry when the food you plan to eat isn't exactly how you want it?
Created: Fri Jan 5 16:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ofcqo/dae_get_irrationally_angry_when_the_food_you_plan/
i found curry that is 150 calories for 1/2 a cup. i love peas in curry, we're out of peas, but i thought we had some before i made it. i already made all this shit and am trying to talk myself out of throwing it all away and binging on pizza.

it's like you dont want to waste the calories unless its really good, just like you like it. but then also when i get mad i just say fuck it all and eat my feelings lol fuck me

[Rant/Rave] gained 5lbs since coming back to america
/u/liskovaa [21 | F | 5'4" | -40lbs. | 🍑 babycat]
Created: Fri Jan 5 16:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7of9ts/gained_5lbs_since_coming_back_to_america/
haven’t posted in forever but whatever lmao. so i spent the past four months living abroad and ended up losing about 20lbs which was fucking awesome considering i lost 45lbs total in 2017 (still need to update my flair but would’ve liked it to be an even 50 lmao). buuuut i’ve been back home for like three weeks and i’ve already gained back FIVE. WHOLE. POUNDS. even though i’m still at my lowest weight since my freshman year of high school i still want to cry. it’s like i can literally feel my body ballooning back up to what i was last year. plus it’s even worse bc everyone who sees me tells me i look amazing (lol lies) and i just feel like such a fraud gaining even a pound back. is it bad i can’t wait to move out of my parents’ house in a week so i can go back to being too poor to afford food?? lol. on the plus side all i’ve had today was a banana and copious amounts of black coffee so i got that going for me.

[Help] Tried to purge today but stopped when I started seeing crazy amounts of stars in my eyes, can I get some input
/u/Rhyanon [5'7" | cw:scared to look | bmi:idk | lost:not enough | ugw:120]
Created: Fri Jan 5 15:57:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7of30o/tried_to_purge_today_but_stopped_when_i_started/

[Other] Getting frustrated
/u/supergirlofsteel [Height 5'3"| CW 134 lbs | BMI 23.7 | Weight Lost 30 lbs]
Created: Fri Jan 5 15:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oeu9k/getting_frustrated/

[Help] Trying to do be kind to myself is sooo hard
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 15:18:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oetgl/trying_to_do_be_kind_to_myself_is_sooo_hard/
Last week was rough, diarrhea for days but ravenous and death in the family plus subzero temperatures so not even my ED demons were going outside to exercise. I sat on my ass all week and just ate intuitively which meant eating lot because I’ve been restricting and overexercising for years. Fine. I’ll “let myself go” and get back to it next week. This week, weather still sucks, I can’t exercise as much as I’m used to and I’m still so damn hungry. I want to just give myself a break and rest and freaking eat but I get filled with panic especially as I’m super bloated and retaining. My dream would be to not fast tonight as planned, eat my piddly egg whites that I actually enjoy after 7 hours of exercise today, sleep in and enjoy eating and cooking like a normal person all weekend. Last week was so liberating and now I feel so stuck between wanting it back but fear of weight gain. It’s a mental prison and no one gets it. Reactive eating scares me so much.

[Goal] Effects of 14 day fast?
Created: Fri Jan 5 15:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oesac/effects_of_14_day_fast/

[Rant/Rave] The intermittent fasting diet fad really weirds me out
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7" | CW: 133lbs | BMI: 21.1 | -12.5 | GW: 125lbs]
Created: Fri Jan 5 14:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oeoj4/the_intermittent_fasting_diet_fad_really_weirds/
It's so weird to me that ten years ago I had to be secretive about skipping lunch because if you skipped meals at work, someone always made a joke about it and if you did it too much, you were either a snob who didn't want to socialize with your coworkers or immediately labeled as an anorexic "freak". (I would never ever call someone this BTW, and I'm very vigilant about not commenting on another person's eating habits because I never want to be that insensitive asshole who triggers someone into relapse or a binge or a purge or hell maybe they have a chronic illness that reduces appetite, just to be clear super clear I don't think these things). I mean, as recent as 2016 I had a manager express toxic faux concern about why I didn't buy lunch every day with the rest of my team of single dudes. "Are you starving yourself" Uhh, maybe cuz I have double daycare to pay and I don't want to be 200lbs with the rest of you? And food during the day makes me hella sleepy?

But now! Now! It's totally cool and normal for people to do three day fasts as a diet and do intermittent fasting (what I learned to do from the book The Warrior Diet like 14 years ago), and for a gaggle of people to sit around and talk about it -as they do a three day fast- at work. I don't know if I'm happy because now I have a cover for why I never eat lunch, or if I'm upset because I'm a little worried this fad is a gateway into an entire new generation joining us here in ProED land or what.

I'm just weirded out guys and I had to tell someone who got it. Probably some of the heightened emotions are from getting back into the swing of the EC stack cuz lol, holiday weight ain't gonna leave on its own.

[Discussion] Feeling like the ED has taken a back seat
Created: Fri Jan 5 13:26:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oe0tf/feeling_like_the_ed_has_taken_a_back_seat/
I got locked out of my usual account so I had to make a new one- so hi guys!

A couple weeks ago I was super deep in my ED behaviors and getting pretty close to my goal, and now it’s like I am barely thinking about the ED most of the time- and it’s frustrating!

I just got into a new relationship and it has made fasting so hard because we are together 5/7 days of the week and when we are together I let myself eat normally- which always turns into over eating, not to mention we drink a lot too.

So now I spend the whole week bloated af and gross and then I make up for it by fasting 72 hours on the weekend while I’m at work. So far I have been maintaining 105-6ish which I *guess* is ok but I still need to lose 10 more.

It also makes me feel like the ED is illegitimate because I’m not paying attention to it as much. Especially since when I started dating this guy he caught on that I had a problem and knew I didn’t eat and now he sees me eating all the time and I feel like a fraud.

[Rant/Rave] Lmao can somebody just kill me
Created: Fri Jan 5 12:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7odse1/lmao_can_somebody_just_kill_me/

[Discussion] Vegetarian bouillon cubes?
/u/Strawberry2point0 [5'8" | CW: 159 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | 21M]
Created: Fri Jan 5 12:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7odobr/vegetarian_bouillon_cubes/
I only recently discovered bouillon cubes, and carrying around a thermos of soup to my classes sounds like a great way to spice up the tea-gum-diet soda carousel. Any recs for brands/flavors that are vegetarian (and preferably not horribly expensive)?

[Goal] I'm restricting low enough to feel dizzy a lot
Created: Fri Jan 5 12:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7odgrj/im_restricting_low_enough_to_feel_dizzy_a_lot/

[Discussion] Does anyone measure progress by their changes in body fat percentage instead of BMI?
Created: Fri Jan 5 12:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7odful/does_anyone_measure_progress_by_their_changes_in/

[Goal] My doctor just wants to see an upward trend. So I'll give her that
Created: Fri Jan 5 12:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7odf4l/my_doctor_just_wants_to_see_an_upward_trend_so/
I don't know if I'll be able to get to 120. I mean, my clothing size is the same and I still look somewhat thin, but I'd honestly be comfortable at around 115. Maybe if I just get there and stabilize she'll be happy. She can't force anything on me if I'm not underweight, right?

So I'm eating. I have no appetite but I'm doing it. I bought my favorite foods and some Tulsi to calm me down. I'm going to go school supply shopping later to prepare for the semester. Things can be good. I'm capable of making things good. But everything spirals into the eating. Restriction makes me calm and in control, until it doesn't, and a cascade of fear hits my fragile body like gale force wind and I topple over into a ripple of terror.

Anxiety hits me so much worse when I'm this thin. And that stability and control can't last forever.

[Rant/Rave] Why can't I refuse chips/fries???
Created: Fri Jan 5 12:03:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7odewo/why_cant_i_refuse_chipsfries/
(I'm British, so when I say chips I mean [these] (http://britishexpats.com/forum/attachments/sheep-dip-127/117232d1398753171-real-chips-british-chips-650.jpg), not [these] (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/69/Potato-Chips.jpg/1200px-Potato-Chips.jpg) !)

I was doing so so so well today but then my parents got home - they'd been to KFC and had brought me fries (bc I'm vegan so it's like the only KFC food I can eat hahah) and I just ate them all??? All THREE portions???? I wasn't even hungry, fuck!! I don't know why I ate it all and now I'm deciding whether to purge them and get back on track or give up and binge :(

Exact same thing happened a few nights ago too; my parents went to the chippy and brought a whole huge plate up to my room and I ate it all. And then even went downstairs to eat the rest of my family's leftovers...

I honestly don't know why I can't just throw them away! I can literally refuse any other food with no issue but when it comes to chips/fries everything just goes to shit. Every time.

Now I'm not gonna meet my goal for the end of the week. Yesterday my dream uni rejected me and now on top of that it looks like I'm gonna continue being the fat fuck I was in 2017 this year too. Less than a week in and I'm already done with 2018. I have loads of schoolwork I need to do as well, a 5000 word essay due in on tuesday, but I just don't care anymore, I can't be arsed, I've given up. Everythings going to shit and I give up

[Discussion] January 5th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 10:52:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ocw29/january_5th_2018_question_of_the_day/
What was the best part of today?

[Discussion] Cried because I couldn't poach an egg
/u/vctrlcs [5'6" | CW: 150.8 | UGW: 115 | BMI: 24.4 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 10:38:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ocsjy/cried_because_i_couldnt_poach_an_egg/
Yesterday I started sobbing because I decided to let myself have a whole egg (not just whites) on toast, but i couldn't figure out how to poach an egg while keeping a runny yolk and i was so upset that my "indulgent" food wasn't the way i wanted it. Thought u guys would relate.

Share your ridiculous food related meltdowns :)

[Discussion] DAE have a huge fear of baristas using the 2% instead of skim?
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 09:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ocie1/dae_have_a_huge_fear_of_baristas_using_the_2/
I go to Starbucks very often and I always ask for nonfat drinks. There's a part of me that is absolutely terrified of them using 2% milk instead!

[Rant/Rave] I bought a scale yesterday and it was like sneaking contraband into the house [Long rant]
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'7 | CW:119 | 18.6 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 09:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7occ1a/i_bought_a_scale_yesterday_and_it_was_like/
I lost my job a couple months ago and moved back in with my parents. My sister is a recovered anorexic, who went through it pretty severely. We all try our best not to do or say anything triggering since we absolutely don't want her to go through that again. So needless to say we haven't owned a scale for a while.

I knew that'd be frusterating for me but whatever, I've been weighing myself at my friend's house whenever I go there because she has one in her bathroom. Lately though we haven't been hanging out much so I haven't been there in like a month.

And not knowing what I weigh has been making me crazy. Even though I've been restricting I constantly feel like I've gained back up to 136, and I've basically just been obsessing over it. My flair is just guesswork right now based on what I weighed over a month ago.

So yesterday I decided to buy a scale and hide it in my room.

This should be effortless and drama free right? I'm a 24 year old woman, with a job now who goes out all the time and has a car. I go to Walmart all the time without my parents knowing, this should be no problem.

I'd been mulling over when to do this for quite some time, but yesterday for some reason the need to know felt *super* urgent and I couldn't get it out of my head.

And holy shit i got so nervous for no good reason about doing this. Instead of acting like a normal person I decided to make some overly detailed lie about why I need to go to Walmart.

I'm standing there in the kitchen all twitchy and suspicious looking like "WOW look we are out of kimchi!? I should go to Walmart and buy some right? I found this recipe on instagram I have to cook it tonight for you guys, I'm just craving the idea of it so bad it'll be great. I can't go to the Whole foods down the street though (which is much more likely to have the right kind then walmart was, but I knew for a fact they don't have scales there cause I'd checked once before), it has to be WALMART absolutely. Okay I'm heading there in about an hour and a half when you guys leave the house. Sound good? Kay."

And they're just like sure whatever.

So when they all are gone I drive to Walmart. Now the one we have is absolutely massive, and I have no idea where to even find a scale. I'm wandering around trying to find one and I can't. For some reason this makes my heart start racing and I keep thinking shit shit shit I'm runningout of time, by the time I find it they'll be home, dear god what if someone I know sees me buying a scale, they'll *know*. so I'm panicking around walmart looking insane until finally I find it, and in addition to the other stuff I bought so I could actually cook the stupid recipe I promised to cook, I spent nearly an hour there.

I'm shaking I'm so nervous for no reason at all, and all the clerks are looking at me like I'm about to rob the place or something.

I drive home, starting to calm down. As soon as I get home, bam my mom's car is in the drive way.

Fuck fuck fuck

I feel almost like my vision is blurring from just nerves. I ccan't put the scale in the trunk, she'll see me opening my trunk and ask why. I can't sneak it in under my coat, it's fucking huge in this box it'll show. Aghh. So I stuff it under the chair from the back seat and cover it with my unreasonable amount of car trash and miscellaneous clothing.

All evening I obsess over "what if someone asks to go in my car for something?? What will I say??? Agh I have to get it now I have to!" But I don't because I keep imaginign someone seeing me with it and I can't think of any good way to explain what I'm doing with a scale.

Finally this morning they are all gone and I run to my car and grab it. Even just seeing it kinda freaks me out somehow, I really feel like it's a giant load of cocaine or something and like I'm trying to sneak it into a police station. I run it upstairs to by room and open it in my closet, but I'm too jittery to figure out the battery slide for a good thirty minutes. So I'm kind of running around the house aimlessly being nervous, when I go back and try it again and bam it finally works!

And holy shit I weigh 112!

That's a BMI of 17.5!! HOLY SHIT WOW.

Wow maybe I really do have a problem and am not just leeching off my sister's issues. Maybe I'm not the only functional mentally healthy person I know. Maybe I'm not just pretending to myself that I have a problem so I can fit in better with my frequently-talking-about-her-suicide-idealizations mother, and my clinically depressed anorexic sister, and my formerly a shut in due to severe OCD boyfriend.

Maybe we are just a family of madness and maybe I'm not the one who has to hold everyone together and constantly keep everyone from falling apart because wow maybe I have issues too.


Shit I spent all day contemplating what it means to weigh 112 now, and then I weighed again after dinner and now it's saying I'm 116.

What the fuck man. I haven't owned a scale myself, since before i cared to check these things, so is it really normal to fluctuate 4 pounds between morning to evening? What is my real weight??

[Help] How do I get back to my restricting!!!?
Created: Fri Jan 5 09:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ocbab/how_do_i_get_back_to_my_restricting/

[Goal] This month is actually going really well so far.
/u/almightylurker [5'1.75" | 122 | (new) 23.4 | -93 | 20F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 09:08:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oc5cz/this_month_is_actually_going_really_well_so_far/
So I haven't been doing as good as I could these past couple of months. I've just been bored and anxious and eating way too close to maintenance to make a significant amount of progress. Then Christmas came along. I ate at least 3,000 calories of sweets and other bullshit that wasn't even worth the calories and I was sick of it and decided that I'm gonna fucking beat 2018's ass and conquer.

We got a puppy on Dec 30th and those of you who have ever house broken a puppy know what I'm going through right now. I don't even have time to take a shit in peace let alone make myself food. I go to bed hungry and wake up hungry and honestly it feels... really nice? I've gotten used to eating less and I'm proud to say that my calories have ranged from 800-1000 since we got her, never going over. I've said it time and time again but I firmly believe it now, I will get to my goal weight this year.

[Discussion] Losing weight as an endomorph...I look weird
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 120lb | gw 110lb | bmi 21]
Created: Fri Jan 5 08:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7obvcp/losing_weight_as_an_endomorphi_look_weird/
Hey guys! I’ve been losing weight pretty consistently (knock on wood) but because of my endomorphic somatype (wide hips, difficult stomach and lower back fat, easy to put on fat) I know I’ll never look like most thinspo. I work out every day along with a 50 protein/30carb/20fat ratio and caloric deficit.

However, I’ve only been losing fat from my breasts, arms, upper stomach, and face. My lower back, hips, and lower stomach fat just won’t budge. I look like Squidward after he ate all those krabby patties.

Anyone else out there a natural endomorph and can give me some advice?

Also, if anyone can find thinspo pics of skinny endomorphs, hook me up!

[Discussion] Is anyone ever afraid to wash and dry their jeans?
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 134.8 | BMI: 26 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 07:52:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7obne8/is_anyone_ever_afraid_to_wash_and_dry_their_jeans/
I do not wash my jeans because I don't like it when things fit super tight and it always feels like the dryer shrinks them two sizes. It takes days of wear for them to be comfortable to my liking again after washing. The only way I will wash them is if they have a legitimate stain or they smell bad for some reason, but I will always air dry them rather than put them in the dryer.

I have a pair of size 6 jeans that are now my 'fat'/'comfy' jeans (which is awesome, because these jeans have never fit me- I bought them too small because I was in denial about my weight gain a couple of years ago), but they are now becoming legitimately too big to the point that it doesn't look good. My size 4s from American Eagle fit pretty much perfectly but I think that if I washed and dried the 6s I'd be able to get a couple more months out of them. I'm 134.8 as of this morning and I am usually a solid size 6 when I weigh between 130 and 140. I am so afraid to wash them because I'm afraid that the only reason they're too big is because I haven't put them in the dryer in such a long time. I like that they're baggy and they're great for days when I don't feel too good about myself because they fit big and make me feel skinnier, but they're starting to legitimately look bad and they fall down so low my underwear is showing.

Do you guys think it would be safe to wash and dry them, since they're so baggy? I know this sounds super neurotic but lol welcome to my brain.

[Other] Bought my bf a card after a disappointing day of purging
/u/dbt-girl [5'2" | 114]
Created: Fri Jan 5 07:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7obiyq/bought_my_bf_a_card_after_a_disappointing_day_of/

[Rant/Rave] Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough because your disorder isn’t the same as someone else’s?
Created: Fri Jan 5 07:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7obeh3/do_you_ever_feel_like_you_arent_good_enough/
Just a little rant. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was about 12/13. What started as anorexia has pretty much run the full spectrum of disorders and I’ve landed on EDNOS as a diagnoses. Everything from binge eating, to purging, to orthorexia, I’ve experienced it. Well, I’ve been slipping back into old habits for a long time now. But things have changed for me. I have a boyfriend who cares about me greatly, and notices when I’m not eating. But more importantly, I have a “step-daughter” who is 7, and I don’t want her to pick up on my shitty habits. She just thinks I’m a healthy person who eats lots of veggies and works out. So, I find myself struggling to dip below 1,000-1,200 calories without them taking notice. And I see people here who eat 100, 200, 500 calories a day and I’m jealous. Which is so fucked up, that I’m jealous that someone is... idk how to put it... sicker than me? Able to restrict more than me? This was long and rambled and I’ll probably delete it shortly.

[Goal] Amazing new jeans, miserable at work
/u/throwaway002300 [25F | 5’3 | CW 102 | BMI 18 | GW ???]
Created: Fri Jan 5 06:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7obctt/amazing_new_jeans_miserable_at_work/
So my mom bought me jeans for Christmas, which turned out to be too big. The next size down was 00 and they took forever to arrive. I was so excited to wear them and they actually fit perfectly! Then I get to work (new job, absolutely hate it but that’s another topic altogether) and my boss says I forgot to tell you no jeans. Like come on dude I was excited to wear these!! They’re dark wash, no holes and I reached a size goal, you absolute fucking donut!

[Rant/Rave] I've never felt so lucky (or fucked up)
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 25F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 06:42:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ob9m5/ive_never_felt_so_lucky_or_fucked_up/
My fiancé (!!!) and I went out of town for a NYE wedding, and in the morning when he and a few of our friends went down to breakfast, I stayed behind "to pack up" and asked him to grab me a coffee. He brought it back, black with half of a Splenda (perfect).

On the drive home he goes, "oh yeah! I was going to put some creamer in your coffee this morning because I know you sometimes like it, but I thought to myself 'no! I'm not going to add any calories that she hasn't consented to." I swear my heart almost exploded in that moment, but it got even better... he continued to say, "then I saw that Torani syrup that you have at the house, but I checked and it wasn't sugar free, so I didn't want to add that without asking either."

YOU GUYS, HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY (and how fucked up am I that he has to think those things when just getting me a coffee?)

Either way, I can't believe I get to marry someone who understands me so unbelievably well. Ahh. I just had to tell the only people who would get it :)

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! January 05, 2018
Created: Fri Jan 5 05:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oau60/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for January 05, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 05, 2018
Created: Fri Jan 5 05:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oau51/daily_food_diary_january_05_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 05, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] I was going to restrict, then my rabbit died.
/u/Violets11 [170cm | CW: Land Whale | GW: 50KG | F | -6KG]
Created: Fri Jan 5 03:39:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oafxr/i_was_going_to_restrict_then_my_rabbit_died/

[Help] what should I mix with vodka?
/u/fxckyouaurora [166cm|52.5kg|F24]
Created: Fri Jan 5 02:17:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7oa3x5/what_should_i_mix_with_vodka/
sorry, this isn't *necessarily* ED related, but I know a lot of ya are dunkorexics and can probably give me a hand. :))

I have vodka at home, I wanna get drunk tonight, restricting's been working for me lately so I don't wanna add more calories than I haaaave to but I'm def gonna drink.

vodka soda is.. fine. but I want something better, and I live in the UK so if anyone has any MiO(???) alternatives then that'd be fabbo. (or just 0cal mixers? hate vodka and coke though.)

(sorry mods, take this down if needs be, thought it'd be my safest place to ask tho <3) (oh my god use more brackets?)

[Discussion] Had anti-anxiety medication ever helped anyone here with food cravings?
/u/Profeshed [5'6 | 141 | GW: 118 | WG +10 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jan 5 01:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o9y2t/had_antianxiety_medication_ever_helped_anyone/
I have anxiety, and I think that triggers a lot of my overeating/binge eating. I’ve never tried anti-anxiety medication, but I’ve been considering it lately—especially if it might help me avoid overeating (I definitely sometimes eat to cope with stress, and I have a hard time reducing calories or even just for overeating because I get weirdly anxious about the idea of being hungry, and I think I’ve had that problem my whole life.)

Have any of you tried anxiety meds and noticed they helped with cravings/overeating/binging/etc?

Did they also help you lose weight?

Worst body image... Gained 50+ pounds in the last year.
Created: Fri Jan 5 00:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o9m3j/worst_body_image_gained_50_pounds_in_the_last_year/

[Discussion] Does thinspo not work for anyone else?
Created: Fri Jan 5 00:03:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o9jsg/does_thinspo_not_work_for_anyone_else/
Every time I see a pic of a skinny girl I just get so jealous and want to turn off my phone. I can’t look at thinspo without feeling horrible and just wanting to eat even tho it makes me fat. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] I don't think anyone's ever gonna love me
/u/girltiredofwaiting [5'6" | CW: 231.8 | SW: 244.3/GW: 185/UGW: 130 | 21F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 21:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o8o85/i_dont_think_anyones_ever_gonna_love_me/
I've posted in here a few times before, and this isn't super ED related but I'm not sure where else to talk about it, I just need to vent.

So I'm fat - actually, literally obese, like I'm 5'6 and need to lose 46.8 pounds before I'm considered even overweight. Long story short, freshman year of college I fell into anorexia patterns due to some life trauma/problems and got down to 100 lbs, then recovered up to 140, then just... kept going. I got up to 243 with the help of some truly disgusting binging and now I'm a senior and trying to lose again in time for graduation in December.

I've had a low key crush on this one guy for literally the entire time I've been in college, we met the day after I moved into the dorms. He's smart and funny and gorgeous and I'm stupid and disgusting and ugly, even when I was thin, and I know there's no way he'd ever go out with me - now. Sophomore year there was one night we were hanging out that he was definitely hitting on me (like asked if I wanted to stay the night after watching a movie in his bed) but I was super dense and didn't realize anything was happening (and we were alone so there were no friends to tell me I was being stupid). And we used to hang out a ton, but this past year we haven't really been close anymore, and I just *know* it's because I got fat. Like my friends all want me to "finally ask him out" but I can't because I know he'll say no and it won't even be because of my face or personality it'll just be because I'm disgusting now, and then I'll have ruined a friendship/made everything awkward for nothing. And even if he says yes it would be out of pity or some weird misguided feeling because no one would ever actually want to date me as I am now, and I just hate myself because I could have had something good for two years but I fucked it up by not realizing and then I fucked my life up by eating my feelings for two years. I'm just sick and tired of being grotesque and feeling repulsed whenever I see myself (especially without clothes on) and feeling like I ruined my whole life and the one half-chance I'll ever get at finding love, because I know I'll only get lucky like that once. And I didn't even do anything about it.

[Help] dont believe calorie counts
/u/vctrlcs [5'6" | CW: 150.8 | UGW: 115 | BMI: 24.4 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 21:06:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o8n31/dont_believe_calorie_counts/
Even when i count every calorie and it comes out to a number im happy with, if i feel ok (not dizzy or nauseous or super hungry) i am convinced i ate more than i thought. is this feeling at all accurate and if not how do i stop freaking out about it???????

[Help] Drop 5-10 lb in 7 days?? Help!
Created: Thu Jan 4 20:58:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o8lko/drop_510_lb_in_7_days_help/

[Help] Please help me stop pooping so damn frequently!
Created: Thu Jan 4 20:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o8cvl/please_help_me_stop_pooping_so_damn_frequently/
I know that the opposite issue is more common here, but my digestive system has never adjusted to the [otherwise incredible] antidepressants I am on. I was a 5x/week person. Now I'm a 4x/afternoon person! (weirdly not in the morning or night)

I've googled it a whole bunch but am finding really conflicting stuff about fiber and fats and stuff.

Can anyone shed some light on this please?

[Rant/Rave] I can't stop eating
/u/throwawaymyrazor [5'9" | CW 150 | 22.5 | GW 120]
Created: Thu Jan 4 19:59:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o88qb/i_cant_stop_eating/
I'm drunk right now so please excuse most of this.

I just have not been able to stop eating since like December 31st.

I am also drinking. Like, a lot.

I look at all of you, and as much as I am ashamed to say, I am jealous of your restriction Cycles.

I don't know what has happened to my self discipline the past week.

In all seriousness, I don't think I have eaten that much over maintenance, but I feel so terrible.

To make everything worse, my boyfriend is on a vacation for a week, and we have never spent this long without each other. While he is gone, I realized I have no friends and all I can do is sit at home and eat and drink.

Oh yeah, I am also mildly upset or bothered because I sent a really awesome and thoughtful secret santa, but I have not received one yet.

Please tell me I am not the only one who can't stop eating.

[Rant/Rave] Keto confusion?
Created: Thu Jan 4 19:24:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o81e3/keto_confusion/
Hey y’all. Hope you’re all feeling okay today (I assume “okay” is a good day for most of us 😂).

I’m wondering how many of you are keto-ing and how you feel about it?

I’ve been doing it for a few weeks (for the second time), but I still can’t get over the guilty feelings for eating so much “bad” food. I thought it would be a healthy way to move toward recovery (which it is, food wise. I def have been consuming more calories), but I can’t shake that feeling that makes me want to die after eating cheese.

It doesn’t help that the scale has stalled. 😒 But again, I’m trying to work on a more healthy relationship with food. I feel better, have more energy, crave less terrible stuff... so I guess I’m on the fence about it.

[Help] Need some advice with a family party!!
/u/fortunate-foolx [62 in. | 217 lb | 39 | -13 | 18F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 18:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o7v11/need_some_advice_with_a_family_party/
so i’m going to family “party” but it’s really just like a gathering to eat food and drink and it’ll only be my aunt, my stepmom, my aunts boyfriend, and my moms best friend. the problem is, it’s going to be exclusively fried foods. crab rangoon’s, mozzarella sticks, taquitos, fried zucchini, fried pickles, fried PIZZA ROLLS(?!?!). and i’m going to be expected to eat this shit? please help.

[Help] psych evaluation
Created: Thu Jan 4 18:31:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o7ogu/psych_evaluation/
So my doc is sending me back to a psychiatrist. Honestly last time I lied SO bad because I was so afraid/in denial with my ed. I am just contomplating telling the truth, but it will mean my mom gets on my case and she will probably gossip to all my extended family. They do not understand ED's whatsoever. My cousin had/has anorexia and everyone treated her so awful.

Guys I have no idea why I am posting this but I am just so scared of everything. I wish I was 18, so I could make my own medical decisions and not tell any of my family about my illness. It seems like it should be private, and only I should know about it.

[Rant/Rave] Logged a binge on MFP for the first time in years and it's actually helped a lot.
Created: Thu Jan 4 16:35:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o6xgd/logged_a_binge_on_mfp_for_the_first_time_in_years/
So for the new year I decided to log more ruthlessly than ever. Before it used to be extreme restriction, logging carefully, but one fuck up and it would be chaos and I wouldn't even bother logging.

You all know the feeling...having logged 600 calories for the day, having that one slice of cake and KNOWING its added another 400 or so , and deciding to say fuckit and eating everything and not bothering logging anything. Not even counting them as calories in my head because it doesn't show on MFP, which still floats at a steady and comfortable 600 calories for me to look at.

MFP doesn't log it but my body sure does, which my mind keeps on blocking out. My mind fools me into thinking a lot of things, all self-destructive of course.

Well anyway, today I binged badly. Cake, biscuits, hot chocolate. Not so badly that my mind fuzzed and failed to remember everything I ate (and believe me I have done that many times).

So here I am in bed, feeling disgusting, and I decided to log it. Everything I can remember, even if it's not that accurate. And MFP finished up for today at 2,654 calories. I'll be 4 kilos heavier than I am in 5 weeks time if I ate like this every day, apparently.

And I feel so much calmer. Ive acknowledged I've fucked up today. It's logged in my personal app and I feel better about starting fresh tomorrow. I don't really know what the point of this post is...but just wanted to share it here with you guys :)

[Rant/Rave] Vacation weight
Created: Thu Jan 4 16:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o6xfo/vacation_weight/
Ive been on vacation for a week. No scale and I’ve barely been able to track calories because we’ve been eating out almost every day. I’m extremely nervous about going home this Saturday and stepping on the scale. Part of me is hopeful that by some miracle I’ll still be at 140 but I️ know for a damn fact it’s gonna be more like 150. Fuck fuck fuck.

I️ don’t understand how my family is stuffing themselves with so much junk on this trip and not even worrying about it. Meanwhile, I’m freaking out about every bite in my head.

To make everything even worse, the family we came on vacation with who left a few days before we’re leaving, left us with a giant ass Costco cake and cheesecake, which are incredibly hard for me to resist. Like just adding fucking insult to injury.

And I’m also just having these conflicting thoughts in general. Because, I’ve actually been eating like a normal person on this trip, and as much as I️ hate myself for all the food, I’ve just noticed how well my body, other than the fat, is reacting. My acne started going away, the bags under my eyes are diminishing because I’ve actually been sleeping, my hair looks less dull and I️ actually feel a lot happier and less moody in general.

But in the back of my mind is just the nagging thought that I’m fat. And I️ can’t stop thinking about that. I️ can’t stop thinking about the fact that I would be so much prettier if I️ we’re just a bit thinner and if I️ were prettier I️ could just enjoy this trip so much more. If I️ we’re just back at 135 and my legs weren’t so fucking fat and my face wasn’t so fucking bloated all the time. And no matter how many times I️ try to get back down to that weight I️ just fail and fail and fail.

Sorry for the rant I️ just needed somewhere to write out these feelings. I️ hate vacations.

[Discussion] Japanese weight loss products?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 16:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o6p54/japanese_weight_loss_products/

[Rant/Rave] I’m kind of torn
/u/BluestNovember [5'4" | SW: 200+ lbs | CW: too high | BMI: under 40 | -26lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 15:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o6got/im_kind_of_torn/
I had an allergic reaction and right now, I am on a shit ton of corticosteroids. I am so damn hungry right now from them, but terrified of piling I weight. Seriously, I’d rather be dead than gain weight. Does anybody else feel like that? I guess that’s what it means to have a eating disorder.

[Help] Would really appreciate your ideas
Created: Thu Jan 4 15:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o6e0i/would_really_appreciate_your_ideas/
Firstly, I'm ashamed to be back here because 2018 was going to be my ~healthy year but oh well here we are.

This month I have a lot of exams for my final year at uni. I cannot go above 300 calories a day (stupidly low restriction I know but I just can't cope with more right now). I would really appreciate any ideas on the best foods to eat within that so I am still able to study and take my exams.

Mentally I'm not in a place where I can go above 300, so I'm looking for the best damage limitation within that if possible. It sounds so dumb writing it out but I know that you guys will understand. Thanks so much :)

[Other] I feel like I deserve this
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Thu Jan 4 15:06:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o6ceu/i_feel_like_i_deserve_this/

[Discussion] An apology for my story “how to be beautiful and thin”
Created: Thu Jan 4 14:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o60k6/an_apology_for_my_story_how_to_be_beautiful_and/

I'm angry purging something my mom bought for me
Created: Thu Jan 4 13:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o5nhc/im_angry_purging_something_my_mom_bought_for_me/

[Discussion] Macros when restricting
Created: Thu Jan 4 12:38:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o5fz9/macros_when_restricting/

[Other] Just joined peach, add me (Brizyse) or drop your username:)
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 12:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o5cs1/just_joined_peach_add_me_brizyse_or_drop_your/

[Discussion] Tumblr
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Thu Jan 4 12:07:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o57z3/tumblr/
Hey all! I just recently reopened my tumblr. Do any of you still use it, and can you attach your usernames so I can follow you. I only follow like 3 people and I need more.

Mine: suicidalwonderland666

[Discussion] Do you use aspirin in your EC (or ECA) stacks?
/u/skinnykitty1 [5'5'' | 124.7 | 20.8 | UGW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 11:38:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o50to/do_you_use_aspirin_in_your_ec_or_eca_stacks/
Wondering if people only use ephedrine and caffeine or ephedrine, caffeine, and aspirin for their stacks.

Ephedrine and caffeine = EC

Ephedrine, caffeine, and aspirin = ECA

[Rant/Rave] i don't know what to believe
/u/psybeams [5'3 | CW 125 | GW 105| 17F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 11:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o4yd4/i_dont_know_what_to_believe/
everyone tells me i'm so skinny, how much weight i've lost, that i need to eat...but i'll look in the mirror and i am so fucking fat, i actually disgust myself. i am not skinny, i'm fat and i don't know why no one will fucking admit it. i will never understand if they're lying or if my brain is lying. my teeth are yellowing from purging so much, i'm always freezing, i'm always fatigued, yet i'm still fat.

[Rant/Rave] A moment of realization from someone who is scared to reach out
/u/xParabola [5'7 | CW: 143.3 | 22.43 | -26.7 | 21F | 🍑: Daxia]
Created: Thu Jan 4 10:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o4pbf/a_moment_of_realization_from_someone_who_is/
Can I just rant a little? It probably doesn't make sense, though I never post here and I'm currently feeling so, so low.. I just need to reach out to someone and talk, but obviously my family and friends are off limits..

I never claimed to have an ED in any way. In fact, I feel like a fraud all the time. I'm not at an incredibly low weight and I was never diagnosed or anything. However, I didn't deny to myself that my eating habits were abnormal.

I'm just so.. angry and upset? I still feel like I cannot identify as someone with an ED (and I don't want to, seriously), but I've done it al. I've restricted, fasted, binged, purged, binged more, over-exercised, c/s-ed, fainted, told people I had eaten and most of all - **I told people I'm fine**.

This mentality really all started with self-hatred and low self-esteem way back, but let's not get into it. The 'disordered eating' habits, as I'll call them, started last year. **Last year**.

Guys, this is when I realized I might have a bigger problem than I thought I had. I moved to America and saw this as a life changing opportunity. I started eating better and working out more. Yeah. But eating better turned into eating less, feeling like I didn't deserve food and feeling so, so in control whenever I hadn't eaten and worked out for several hours a day.

I knew I was sliding downhill, especially when purging started. The first couple of times I felt devastated and guilty. Now I just sit here in my room and just got back from purging, really quite unfazed. I thought "Oh well". It just feels.. normal, while I very well know it's not.

And that's just what shocked me and led me to rant here and reach out. I've been dealing with this shit and these thoughts on my own. Because I'm a fraud and don't fit in. Also, I denied that I had any problems because "Me? Strong, independent me? Please". I felt that I needed to reach out, if that's okay, because I'm trying to acknowledge that I may actually, really have a problem (if I'm allowed to).

I remember so well telling myself last year that his was all just temporary and a phase. I was *just* indulging into the feeling of control I got by losing weight, restricting/fasting and denying food. And here I am a year later. **Living in the illusion that I'm okay, in control and not hurting my body. As if I'm not lying to everyone around me, including my family.** Who would be devastated if they knew what I do and have done.

This just wasn't the plan, guys.. I don't know what the fuck is happening to me.

*TLDR: acknowledged my behavior regarding food and my body is abnormal and not okay; thought these habits would fade though been at it for over a year; reaching out because I feel really alone all of a sudden and all this is tiring me out so much*

[Other] Trying to achieve the unachievable
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW 125|GW 115| F21]
Created: Thu Jan 4 09:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o44qu/trying_to_achieve_the_unachievable/
This year I'm setting one very high goal for myself. Something most people would consider crazy. Something my friends have tried talking me out of. Something that surely will cause concern and worry from my loved ones. This year, my ultimate goal is to.... pull off low rise jeans.

I know what you're thinking! "What about the love handles!" "But they don't hide anything!" "You're not Britney Spears?!?!" I know all these things. Which is why it's the ultimate accomplishment to wear and *pull off* low rise jeans.

It's a new year, new me but I'm still livin' like its the 2000s baby! Wish me luck!

[Rant/Rave] I wish I could just eat.
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 09:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o3y7f/i_wish_i_could_just_eat/
No considering the ratio of calories to protein. No restrictions on dairy, or packaged foods. No guilt for eating grains. Planning any meal feels like a limbo where I have to somehow make something from completely whole foods, vegan, no carbs, all protein... ugh. I wish I could just eat without feeling like every time I decide to make a meal I'm solving some impossibly complex system of equations. Because the fucked up thing is that I'm gonna binge anyway and screw up whatever carefully planned macros I decided were acceptable this week.

If I could just eat normally and forget about macros and calories and all my weird restrictions on food groups, I totally would and I probably would be healthier AND thinner. But I honestly don't even know how to get there anymore so I guess it's back to researching foods other than salmon and chicken breast and edamame that I might be able to feel ok about eating.

[Rant/Rave] The flu
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:102 / BMI: 19.72 / GW: 85]
Created: Thu Jan 4 09:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o3xgt/the_flu/

[Discussion] Today is my birthday
Created: Thu Jan 4 08:32:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o3p1z/today_is_my_birthday/
I never tell friends my birthday date. I don't like the attention and inevitably there are pressures to get treated to some food I don't want that has a lot of calories.

My brother, who lives across the country, remembered though and sent me an electronic gift card (thanks, bro!). I'm debating about what to do today. I'm thinking Halo Top:)

Edit: Thank you for all the kind messages. This is the BEST group! Welp, I DID get Halo Top vanilla bean and I topped it with Walden Farms maple syrup and it was AWESOME.:)

[Other] ://// can’t stop eating
Created: Thu Jan 4 07:39:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o3cq3/cant_stop_eating/

My doctor wants me to be around 120 lbs
Created: Thu Jan 4 07:10:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o36no/my_doctor_wants_me_to_be_around_120_lbs/

[Other] Fasting
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 56.9 kg | -26.6 kg | 22F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 06:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o2v91/fasting/
I planned to fast from sunday to friday and I actually managed to keep it up.
Today on day 4 I feel like crap but I refuse to give up.
I'm shaky, have a headache, can't stand up without getting dizzy but at least I lost 900g in 3 days.

Why I'm writing this? No idea, guess I didn't want to be alone with that. Hope you all are doing better and are less stupid than me.

I haven't cringed this hard in a long while.
/u/whimsicalfae776 [5'2.5 | 108 | 20.06 | F]
Created: Thu Jan 4 05:59:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o2t4u/i_havent_cringed_this_hard_in_a_long_while/

Good news, everyone! My eating habits are perfectly normal and I don't have an ED! /s
Created: Thu Jan 4 05:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o2szd/good_news_everyone_my_eating_habits_are_perfectly/

[Help] I feel like I'm lying to myself
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 120 | 18.78 | 20F 🌼]
Created: Thu Jan 4 05:28:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o2nqi/i_feel_like_im_lying_to_myself/
The scale says I've gained around 10 pounds, yet I keep telling myself it's bloating. Over new year's, all my relatives told me I looked like I'd lost weight and that I look good, but I am so confused. My belly looks like I'm pregnant so I also thought it was bloating, but it's been a week and I've been eating low fibre and drinking a lot of water (and a lot of tea). Does anyone know how else to get rid of bloat? Or so I can finally tell myself it's not actually bloating and that I've actually gained?

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support January 04, 2018
Created: Thu Jan 4 05:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o2l3h/weekly_emotional_support_january_04_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 04, 2018
Created: Thu Jan 4 05:10:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o2kx0/daily_food_diary_january_04_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 04, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] myfitnesspal vs other calorie counting apps?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: underweight | 22f]
Created: Thu Jan 4 03:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o21ca/myfitnesspal_vs_other_calorie_counting_apps/
what do u guys use as counting apps? i remember using some online tracker a while ago but it was on a clunky slightly outdated website. it seems like mfp is the most popular but lose it! seems pretty good idk what do u guys use to track/count?

Created: Thu Jan 4 02:13:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o1up5/wellbutrin/

[Discussion] Tell me your post holiday weight gain to make me feel better
Created: Thu Jan 4 01:12:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o1m4f/tell_me_your_post_holiday_weight_gain_to_make_me/

[Discussion] Bingeing as self-harm
/u/raz563 [F | 5"11 | CW: 145 | GW: 125lb]
Created: Thu Jan 4 01:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o1kfg/bingeing_as_selfharm/
Does anyone else binge to punish themself for things?

[Discussion] Fasting adventures
Created: Thu Jan 4 00:59:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o1k6q/fasting_adventures/

[Rant/Rave] Even when I'm sick I try to restrict... getting scared now.
Created: Thu Jan 4 00:58:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o1k0x/even_when_im_sick_i_try_to_restrict_getting/
I have a chronic illness that I've dealt with for 5 years now. Chronic headache, fatigue, muscle aches, IBS, nerve pain/damage, Thyroid auto immune disease, you name it. I live with pain every waking moment of my life basically. Anyways, 5 years ago ( right before my health declined) that's when my ED was beginning to bloom. When I got really ill my ED/obsession took a back seat because my life was on the line with all the pain I was in. The doctors still don't know what's wrong with me.

Anyways, fast forward to now I can feel my ED coming back completely. I've been restricting a lot for the past couple of months and now I'm afraid I'm going to damage my health. I want to lose weight though again because being bedridden and not able to do things really makes me angry. Not being able to exercise really makes me mad sometimes. Last night I randomly felt really nauseous, my energy drained out of me completely and all my muscles started to hurt *insanely* bad. And I'm quite familiar with pain so when I say it really hurts, it does!

I had the chills and was shaking constantly. I had extreme stomach pains as well. I'm better today- still in bed but I'm hoping it's the flu or something. I'm also worried if restricting somehow caused it. I'm so scared. Today I didn't eat much but even when I'm feeling super bad I feel guilty eating. I'm not sure what to think anymore. But I'm scared my ED is coming back and is going to destroy my health again. Thank you for reading this :) deeply appreciate it.

[Other] what other mental illnesses/disorders do you guys have?
/u/KingOfBelarus [Height 5'10 | Weight Lost: never enough]
Created: Wed Jan 3 23:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o19sj/what_other_mental_illnessesdisorders_do_you_guys/
Aside from your ED. Outside of EDNOS I'm stuck with anxiety and Asperger's.

[Discussion] What do you do? Do you like it?
/u/paraphrasis [174cm | 68kg | -5.5kg| 25F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 23:17:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o13zd/what_do_you_do_do_you_like_it/
As the title says. I’m rather new in this sub and interested in hearing about you all!

What do you do in your daily life? Do you work, study, am on sick leave, freelance?

And how do you like it? Is there anything you would like to change about it?

[Rant/Rave] Frustrated, need to vent
/u/im-nobody-too [CW: 119lbs | GW: Maintain don't gain | 26f]
Created: Wed Jan 3 22:31:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0vig/frustrated_need_to_vent/
I went a long time without knowing my weight, but earlier this Winter I broke down and started weighing myself again. And, obviously, I'm suddenly obsessed with weighing myself every chance I get (as in multiple times an hour when I'm at home with my scale). And my weight is fluctuating so much! I've gained two pounds from where I was this time yesterday, even though I've only eaten about 1200 calories and (according to my fitbit) burned 2200 today.

I've been fluctuating from 118-121, and I hate that it crosses over a landmark number. Every time I weigh myself and it's over 120, I feel so disgusted with myself. And every time it's under, I promise myself that I'll never let it go back over. But then it does, whether I restrict or not.

And I'm so conflicted about the whole recovery/relapse thing. I've given the recovery thing a good try, and everyone who even knows that I used to be anorexic thinks I'm doing so well. I honestly want to be an inspiration story. But I'm also SO SICK of my 'recovered' and 'healthy' body, and I want to go back to being skinny. And why not, if I'm going to be depressed and have low-self esteem anyway? And possibly have permanent health issues from being underweight a few years ago? I feel like I'm a liar for pretending to be recovered, and I don't want to disappoint everyone who thinks I'm okay, but I can't deal with not being skinny, and right now my life is such a mess I don't feel like I've got anything to lose.

But it doesn't even matter what I WANT my weight to be, because clearly my body isn't going to let me lose weight anyway, probably because I'm getting old and slowing down, and I've damaged it enough from the years where I was consistently restricting and underweight.

Sorry for the rant,I'm feeling a little bit panicky and need to get this off my chest. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate.

[Discussion] new year's resolutions
Created: Wed Jan 3 22:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0tun/new_years_resolutions/

[Rant/Rave] The worst part of this illness is that part of me will always want it
Created: Wed Jan 3 22:14:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0sb2/the_worst_part_of_this_illness_is_that_part_of_me/
I’m trying to work towards recovery. I have good weeks and bad weeks. But, I can’t help but *want* to go back to it. Wtf is wrong with me? No part of me wants to be sick. I certainly know that what I do to myself is bad for my health. But, at the end of the day I still want to eat too few calories and exercise and lose weight. I can’t imagine someone with depression (without an ED) thinking at the end of the day that they miss being depressed so why the hell do I feel that way about my ED?

[Help] Been low-key restricting lately after some “time off”.....now struggling with something like dumping syndrome. Advice???
Created: Wed Jan 3 21:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0kv0/been_lowkey_restricting_lately_after_some_time/
The cramps/diarrhea are killing me omg

[Help] How did you lose those last ten pounds?
/u/leezyleezy [5'5 | CW: 115.5 | BMI: 19.2 | GW: 105 | -35 lbs | 17F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 21:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0gqa/how_did_you_lose_those_last_ten_pounds/

[Help] will my dentist know i purge?
/u/lbredj [5'3" | 104 | BMI 18.1 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 21:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0gbw/will_my_dentist_know_i_purge/
okay, to preface, i dont purge daily. i purge maybe 3 times a week every other week and i always rinse with baking soda and water afterwards.

i have a doctors appt. in the morning that im stressing out about, im a minor and i really dont want my mom to know i purge.

would they be able to tell i purge? if so, would they tell my mom? this is gnawing at me

edit: i just got back from my appointment and they didn't notice anything bad, but i do have a cavity but i dont know if thats my from my diet soda obsession or purging lmao. thanks for the responses 💖

[Other] This Child by Amy Medina
Created: Wed Jan 3 20:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o0djn/this_child_by_amy_medina/

[Other] Almost passed out walking up the stairs to my apartment, but at least my macros are on point
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 20:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o09bw/almost_passed_out_walking_up_the_stairs_to_my/

[Other] reminders
Created: Wed Jan 3 20:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o08sm/reminders/

[Rant/Rave] Challenge Accepted
/u/foxlatte [5'8" ♡ cw: 195 ♡ bmi: 29.33 ♡ gw: 130 ♡ 22f]
Created: Wed Jan 3 20:32:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o087b/challenge_accepted/
It's a shame I'm so sensitive. Since I started birth control and got back on Lexapro i've reaches my highest weight of 198 (rip to my previous flair). Today I was scanning my tomato soup into LoseIt! and my brother (who has a super high metabolism and can eat anything and stay thin) made a comment saying "this being healthy thing, you won't last". I'm super competitive so ya know what it's (lmao not healthy at all thing) going to last and i'm going to fucking lose this 60 pounds.

[Help] Worry from friends/family
/u/Idunnoking [5’1 | CW90.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Wed Jan 3 20:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o04fu/worry_from_friendsfamily/
So recently I’ve been off for Christmas break and since it’s started I have been seeing extended family and friends and unfortunately almost everyone has been expressing concern about my weight. I have a pretty small sized frame and am 90ish lbs, 5’1. I’m not sure how to respond most of the time and I’m trying to recover but I haven’t been able to come out and tell any the adults/guardians in my life and I was wondering if it might be time to since the collective worry or if they are just being overreactive ?? Because to me, I don’t feel like I look deathly ill but their reactions have kind of made me consider my own warped perception possibly. Does being this weight actually pose any risks?

[Rant/Rave] Hunger headache but my mom made fun of me eating...
/u/dipped_in_gold_ [5'3 | CW ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | GW 105 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 20:02:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o01xh/hunger_headache_but_my_mom_made_fun_of_me_eating/
...so I guess that means I'm spending the rest of my night looking at food porn instas and crying :-)

Seriously tho, I eat 600 calories over 2 meals and apparently I'm "eating everything in the house." Fuck this, I'm so ready to be back home so I can eat or not eat in peace and quiet.

Im about to binge on fast japanese food, you know those teppan meals?
Created: Wed Jan 3 19:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7o00m5/im_about_to_binge_on_fast_japanese_food_you_know/

[Help] i can't seem to stop.
Created: Wed Jan 3 19:49:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nzz9z/i_cant_seem_to_stop/
another binge, another purge. fantastic. every day is the day i say i'll force myself back on track, & every day, i fall back into eating too much just to taste something. just because. & i know how great it feels when i haven't eaten much; i just don't know why i'm ignoring that motivator. ugh. what do y'all do to keep from binging?

[Help] Who else feels depressed when they’re restricting or fasting?
Created: Wed Jan 3 19:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nzruy/who_else_feels_depressed_when_theyre_restricting/
Whenever I’m fasting or not eating over 500cal for the day, my mood plummets and apart from having no energy and irritable (which are expected), I get extremely sad and prone to burst into tears. My mood then perks up when I start binging. I start of feeling ‘normal’ after I’ve eaten; then the cycle continues.

How do you deal with the depressive mood when not eating a lot, or how do you alleviate your mood without using food?

Thanks 😋

[Discussion] accidentally eating above maintenance and saying "fuck it"?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: underweight | 22f]
Created: Wed Jan 3 18:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nziw9/accidentally_eating_above_maintenance_and_saying/
i ate a rice bowl today that i estimated was around 500-700 calories because it was mostly vegetables, but apparently an average serving is like 1,100 calories whoops! at first, i felt that familiar sense of panic and then was like...fuck it? and got home and ate all these mini chocolate chips and a corner of peppermint bark and maybe 1/2 cup greek yogurt + dry cereal and *barely* stopped myself from making a fucking quesadilla w/ *full fat* shredded cheese. i kinda have a dinner plan which is mostly why i was like UM okay just fuck me up i guess i better eat literally everything!

definitely going above maintenance today. my stomach is already pretty bloated (also drank a fuckton of water). anyone else have those moments where you're just like lmao fuck it, i already fucked up my calories for the day so i might as well eat literally whatever i want in the next 5 hours?

Created: Wed Jan 3 18:31:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nzhtm/contraceptives/
So.. i'm back again after almost a year. Hi!!!

I know I've gained a tonne of weight but haven't weighed myself because fuck that depression, but I've got considerably fatter since starting the pill in early October.

Now I know it has a rep for causing weight gain/increasing appetite/water weight/bloating etc but I take it mainly because I'm a raging pms psychopath otherwise.

Any advice on alternatives? Or am I gonna have to be either fat and not mental OR slim and crazy?

[Rant/Rave] just cried over food for the first time
/u/intensitei [5’8 | fat | 23F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 18:26:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nzgoz/just_cried_over_food_for_the_first_time/
i’ve been doing this IF-ish thing where i don’t eat all day from morning until about 6-7pm and then let myself have a meal under a certain number of cals

i was famished and dizzy today and still felt weird after drinking powerade zero so i thought i’d treat myself to some junk food because i’m disgusting and it’s my weakness and makes me feel full and whatever

so i figured out the cals for a sandwich, a medium fry and a diet soda at mcdonald’s

i went there and the girl was rude. okay, sucks whatever. we left the restaurant. then halfway back to the house, i tasted my drink and i felt like the dr. pepper wasn’t diet. got flustered. still can’t tell if it is or not. but okay whatever. i recalculated the cals and it was a number that didn’t upset me.

got to the house. stayed in the car because i’m ashamed and i don’t want people to watch me eat or be aware that i am eating.

ate some fries and chilled. finally opened sandwich box and it was crispy instead of grilled. (edit: i looked it up and it’s *called* the artisan grilled. i didn’t think they even subbed it for crispy often enough for it to be a mistake. idk if that makes sense??) i didn’t even take the time to recalculate or come up with another option i just broke down in my car (thank god i’m alone in here)

once the tears started really flowing i realized how fucking crazy and stupid i am for crying over this and then i started sobbing. like vocally sobbing. and i’m still sitting here with a wet face and trying not to cry and i’ve been trying to save money and i spent money on that goddamn food and i’m so tired of being fat and ugly and hating myself but maybe that’s what i get for wanting, buying, and enjoying junk food

i had such a bad year last year. i had my first suicide attempt. found out i had cancer AGAIN. i struggled. a lot.

then finally got back on the meds that worked for me and by the very first day of the new year, i felt good. i felt like i wanted to live and work hard to enjoy life. i guess by trying so hard to latch onto that positivity i had on jan 1st, i unknowingly tried to wash away the pain i went through and ignore that i’m still traumatized or something???? maybe??

i don’t know but now i’m sad because all i wanted was a nice juicy grilled chicken sandwich with tomato, some fries, a diet dr. pepper, a certain number of calories and.. maybe for someone to be nice to me. i didn’t even think that rude girl got to me but when i started crying harder once thinking back on how she treated us, i figured it must’ve been the cherry on top of seeing my fucked up order.

at least my skin is soft from the tears lmao. yay skincare

idk. i just want a hug and some warm black coffee.

[Goal] Reached goal weight, feel worse
Created: Wed Jan 3 18:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nzea6/reached_goal_weight_feel_worse/
I don't post here a lot. I'm on mobile so can't flair sorry

This morning I reached my gw- underweight. My body is still so flabby and jiggly, and knowing that I'm underweight is so triggering because my body looks as bad as when I started.

Guess I'm fasting today because fuck me right???? I thought I would be small and it would make someone care. But maybe it's because my BMI is only just barely underweight at 18. So i guess my new goal is BMI 16 because another 5ish kilos might make someone notice.

Idk I just feel so underwhelmed and disappointed. I thought it was a magic number that would make everything better but here I am and nothing has changed. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I just wanted to tell someone

[Rant/Rave] I think I've been caught but I don't actually care
Created: Wed Jan 3 18:13:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nzdsd/i_think_ive_been_caught_but_i_dont_actually_care/
This is a super pointless post but anyway I've been purging ever since I relapsed at the beginning of last year, but the last time my family knew about my ED was like, middle school. I didn't realize someone was home so I wasn't being particularly quiet or sneaky when purging. Came out of the bathroom to see the lights on in the kitchen. Oops.

But I don't care. About anything, actually. I've accepted a long time ago that I'm just killing time right now because life doesn't fucking matter to me at all. So what would it matter if they knew? It doesn't stop me or make anything better. To my very core I am shrugging tbh.

[Discussion] Request for help: Coping mechanisms outside of the ED?
/u/dbt-girl [5'2" | 114]
Created: Wed Jan 3 17:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nza2k/request_for_help_coping_mechanisms_outside_of_the/
I’m having a bit of an... episode... I suppose, and I’ve recently learned how easy it is to numb with alcohol.

Even six months ago, I never thought I’d abuse alcohol. I didn’t even party in college, but life is sorta different now.

I kind of got forced into single parenthood, and despite how resistant I was to becoming a parent, pretty much everyone I know will say I’m a good mom.

For those of you who don’t have kids, this next part will be a little difficult to understand, but try not to judge, as I will explain.

My almost two year old didn’t nap today at daycare. He is also a little under the weather. He is active and playful, but refused to eat dinner. He was tired and upset, so I laid him down 30 minutes early. But I couldn’t handle the crying, so I shut his door, went in my room, shut my door, and then went into the closet and shut that door.

I know that sounds bad, but as a parent it’s much better to recognize your limits and step away from the situation than it is to snap, as that’s how abuse begins, I think.

Well anyway. He’s finally up and eating, so that’s good. However, once he goes to bed I’m tempted to just drink and pass out.

I don’t want to eat anything because I just started my new barista job and they are training the fuck out of us before store opening. Even though it shouldn’t matter, I feel a bit triggered by all the milk I had... and watching Frappuccino videos (shudder).

So yeah. Like a lot of ED people here, I pretend alcohol calories are less scary than food calories. Lol. It makes no sense. And sometimes instead of thinking about an empty stomach it’s nice to just have a magically shortened night and go to sleep.

I already feel better just from writing, but still. How do you handle emotional situations ?

I am tired of the typical arsenal of coping mechanisms :/

[Other] Why do I keep buying food I know I won’t eat?
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:123 |20.6 |GW:110 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 17:46:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nz7iw/why_do_i_keep_buying_food_i_know_i_wont_eat/
Seriously, I always do this! I go grocery shopping as if I actually eat and then I just let the food rot in my fridge and buy more groceries. I can’t tell you how many eggs and fruits I’ll buy and have to throw out because I look at them and don’t even touch them. It’s been worse lately, since I’m moving back home in 2 weeks. I bought groceries today and I just sit in front of my fridge and stare at them knowing damn well that I don’t have it in me to eat anything anymore. Does anyone else do this too? It makes no sense and I really can’t explain why I do this.

[Help] I wanted to change in the new year but it's already taking control.
Created: Wed Jan 3 17:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nz076/i_wanted_to_change_in_the_new_year_but_its/
I told myself that 2018 would be binge/purge/restriction free. I told myself that I would eat healthily and consume the correct amount of calories for my height/weight.

It's 3 days in and I feel worse than ever. I can do it during the day when I'm around others but when I'm alone it's like I suddenly become a completely different person. It's as if some neurotic monster takes over my mind. I just binged on whatever I could find in the house. I just ate marmite off a spoon and half a chocolate cake and some cookies and some breakfast bars and 2 bowls of cereal. Then I tied my hair up in a bun, downed 3 glasses of water and purged into a bowl in the kitchen so my mum wouldn't hear from upstairs. This is the 3rd night in a row that I have emptied vomit into the kitchen bin.

Instead of spending the evening studying I just spent hours googling how many calories are in cocktails so I know what I can drink when I go out on Friday night. Scouring the nutritional facts on the menu for the restaurant I know I'll be eating out at so that I can look like I'm eating normally to others without consuming more than my restriction amount.

I tense up whenever someone mentions anything about food and suddenly feel like I have to concentrate hard on how to respond like a normal person. I can't even remember when I started to become this person but I still can't bring myself to miss my old, happy self. Because the old me was 35lbs heavier.

I want to talk to someone so bad but I can't bring myself to ask people for help. I can't even use the words, they physically get caught in my throat when I try to talk about it. I'm so so tired of losing control. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not strong enough to keep fighting.

[Rant/Rave] i think i just ate over 1,000 calories and it's only 4 p.m
Created: Wed Jan 3 16:46:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nytrx/i_think_i_just_ate_over_1000_calories_and_its/

[Help] Distractions from eating?
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 110 | 19.5 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 16:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nyn1c/distractions_from_eating/
I'm having a really hard time today avoiding eating my dudes. I'm restricting to 500 and I'm already at 192 and the day is like halfway over. I try to save the bulk of my calories for right before I go to bed so it feels like I get to eat something substantial. So I just really need some distractions that aren't too physically straining. I've been laying in bed all day watching breaking bad lol. Now I'm doing housework. Encouragement and suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks guys ✌️

[Help] How do I eat enough to exercise?
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Wed Jan 3 16:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nymvc/how_do_i_eat_enough_to_exercise/
Exercising gives me the stability I need to continue restricting, for whatever reason. I can’t run on 1000/1200kcal, though, can I? Should I have more protein in the morning (5:30am) before I run?

Alternatively, do you have any general advice for exercising on a deficit when I have class later in the morning and need to be able to focus?

[Rant/Rave] Trying to Impress Boyfriends Mum.
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:102 / BMI: 19.72 / GW: 85]
Created: Wed Jan 3 16:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nymh8/trying_to_impress_boyfriends_mum/
My boyfriends mum is visiting next month and I feel like a wreak because of it. She's a tall, thin, and good looking woman in her 50's. On top of this she is very judgemental and perfectionistic. I need to be perfectly thin and flat tummied before she arrives. I want to prove to her that I'm good enough for her son, especially since his ex was stunning. On top of all this Im foreign and I feel like I'll always be looked down upon for it, and desperately trying to prove to that I'm on of them. Sorry I just needed to vent.

[Help] Relapsed because seroquel messed up hunger cues
Created: Wed Jan 3 16:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nymgj/relapsed_because_seroquel_messed_up_hunger_cues/
I had an eating disorder as a young adult and managed recovery on my own. Learned to fuel my body and listen to my hunger cues.

Now I'm in the middle of a relapse, mainly due to massive weight gain on Seroquel. In order to not gain more, I had to stop listening to my hunger cues, which was the biggest part of my recovery.

I'm on Seroquel for bipolar one. How do I tell my psychiatrist I need to come off of it? I've lost the Seroquel weight, so I can't tell her it's because of the weight gain. I don't want to tell her about the eating disorder history because I don't really trust her, and im working on finding a new psychiatrist.

[Other] I don't even know who I am anymore
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Wed Jan 3 16:02:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nyiso/i_dont_even_know_who_i_am_anymore/
I used to be so full of life, so curious, and hopeful. Constantly laughing, making friends, enjoying my hobbies. My future was so bright. Bad things happened, but never stuck around.

Where did I go wrong? I find myself always grasping onto old memories. When I look at old pictures I see a carefree girl. Unsuspecting. Naive. But I was so satisfied. I had my imagination and personality.

Where is the girl I was 5 year ago? Is she still in there somewhere? Or is she just a numb, soulless human who can only see numbers on a scale, numbers on a measuring tape, food in the pantry and fridge, calories, fat, bones, and ultimately death.

Where did I go? Who am I?

[Help] i want to weigh myself so bad
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:38:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nyd7d/i_want_to_weigh_myself_so_bad/
I’ve already checked twice today and it was still 123.7 but I’m so fucking paranoid that I’m gonna gain it back by eating anything today. fuck. on one hand if i stays the same then I know that I’ll feel fine afterwards. On other hand if I’m anything over 123.7 then i will feel even wore. Fuuuuuckkk. Does anyone know ways that I can calm myself down/distraction myself? It’s all I can think about right now.

[Rant/Rave] Fasting!!
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nyd34/fasting/

An Amazing article on Chronic overeating and how serious of an addiction it is
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:32:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nybos/an_amazing_article_on_chronic_overeating_and_how/

[Rant/Rave] more time for ED without boyfriend
/u/fortunate-foolx [62 in. | 217 lb | 39 | -13 | 18F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ny8wm/more_time_for_ed_without_boyfriend/
i feel as though i have more time to do what i want food-wise because now the only person who knew anything about it is out of my life and i dont know what to do. like i'm sad, yeah but i'm also really happy because i can lose all this weight and then he will regret breaking up with me because that's how it works right?

[Other] "Curl Up and Diet" by Ogden Nash
/u/daffodilhill [5'8.5" | 148 | 21.9 | -27 | GW 120]
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:13:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ny70i/curl_up_and_diet_by_ogden_nash/
Some ladies smoke too much and some ladies drink too much and some ladies pray too much,

But all ladies think that they weigh too much.

They may be as slender as a sylph or a dryad,

But just let them get on the scales and they embark on a doleful jeremiad:

No matter how low the figure the needle happens to touch,

They always claim it is at least five pounds too much;

To the world she may appear slinky and feline,

But she inspects herself in the mirror and cries, Oh, I look like a sea lion.

Yes, she tells you she is growing into the shape of a sea cow or manatee,

And if you say No, my dear, she says you are just lying to make her feel better, and if you say Yes, my dear, you injure her vanity.

Once upon a time there was a girl more beautiful and witty and charming than tongue can tell,

And she is now a dangerous raving maniac in a padded cell,

And the first indication her friends and relatives had that she was mentally overwrought

Was one day when she said, I weigh a hundred and twenty-seven, which is exactly what I ought.

Oh, often I am haunted

By the thought that somebody might someday discover a diet that would let ladies reduce just as much as they wanted,

Because I wonder if there is a woman in the world strong-minded enough to shed ten pounds or twenty,

And say There now, that’s plenty;

And I fear me one ten-pound loss would only arouse the craving for another,

So it wouldn’t do any good for ladies to get their ambition and look like somebody’s fourteen-year-old brother,

Because, having accomplished this with ease,

They would next want to look like somebody’s fourteen-year-old brother in the final stages of some obscure disease,

And the more success you have the more you want to get of it,

So then their goal would be to look like somebody’s fourteen-year-old brother’s ghost, or rather not the ghost itself, which is fairly solid, but a silhouette of it,

So I think it is very nice for ladies to be lithe and lissome.

But not so much so that you cut yourself if you happen to embrace or kissome.

[Discussion] DAE spend hours inputing different food combinations in calorie tracking apps?
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Landwhale -18lb | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:05:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ny4rj/dae_spend_hours_inputing_different_food/
I've been restricting to 700-800 lately and I spend so much time doing this, trying to figure out what I can eat and stay within range. It's almost like a substitute for eating. I spend hours on my tracking app and I'm kind of obsessive about it, then I don't even end up eating anything. I feel so fucking weird.

Edit: sorry mobile couldn't flair, would probably put it as discussion?

[Help] My boyfriend has joined my family in commenting that I need to eat more
/u/thebeesknees19 [Height 5’6.5” | CW 100 lbs | BMI 16.21 | -20 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 15:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ny3h0/my_boyfriend_has_joined_my_family_in_commenting/
Hi, I’ve been lurking for a while, but this is my first time posting here. A little background, I’ve struggled with disordered eating for as long as I can remember, but my first real, concrete manifestation of it was my freshman year of high school when I dropped from 130 lbs to 95 lbs. Since then, I’ve been on a roller coaster of weight change from anywhere between 105 lbs to 130 lbs. In the last two years, I’ve struggled with substance and alcohol abuse that kind of quieted the need to restrict and to binge and to constantly exercise in my head and settled at just under 120 lbs.

Recently, however, that addiction started to take over my life in a way that was getting far out of hand. I quit cold turkey - no rehab, no therapy, just me and my cat. Because I’m no longer drinking, getting high, and eating like I’m drunk and/or high every. single. day. and because my personal, professional, and academic lives decided to go to hell all at once, I’ve lost about 20 pounds from stress, anxiety, and depression. Because of that weight loss (the fucked part of my head really loves being this small again) and the lack of control I’ve had in my life, I started restricting again, honestly without even realizing it at first. But as the pounds started disappearing, I fell more and more back into restricting, and now that I’m here, I’m terrified of the numbers going back up.

However, both my parents and my boyfriend have begun commenting about how much weight I’ve lost. I went home for the first time in four months for Thanksgiving and then for Christmas, and all my dad could say to me was that I need to eat more. It’s one thing to hear it from my parents - they don’t even know that I have a drug problem, much less that I’m fixing it. Only that I’m not drinking every night at their house anymore and that I’m eating less.

However, now my boyfriend is talking about it to me with increasing frequency. I know it’s because he cares about me, and he knows what I’ve struggled with in the past. He’s also had several exes with disordered eating, so this isn’t really new to him. I feel bad and don’t want to add any more stress to his life, but at the same time...I’m not sure I can stop right now. I want to be healthy and normal and just not give a fuck about how many calories or grams of sugar is in this or that, but it’s so deeply fucking engrained in my head that I don’t know if I can stop right now. Even just talking about or much less thinking about gaining weight makes me nauseous. In a sick way, some days restricting is the only thing keeping me sane anymore without drugs.

I know he wouldn’t ever do it unless he thought it was absolutely necessary, but I’m an extremely anxious and paranoid person and can’t suppress the thought of him telling my parents what’s going on with me. I would lose my independence, everything I’ve worked so hard to get, and be forced to move back home, which would make things a thousand times worse.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for; I just kind of needed to get it out of my head. I don’t want anyone to hurt because of me and what I’ve done to my body, but I also don’t have the strength to stop. If anyone has any advice on how to approach those kinds of situations with family/SOs I would greatly appreciate it, because I know enough to know that saying “I don’t know if I’m ready for recovery” is NOT a good answer.

Edit: Formatting on mobile. Also sorry, I didn’t realize how long this was. D:

[Discussion] How to get back on track
Created: Wed Jan 3 14:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ny1uy/how_to_get_back_on_track/

[Rant/Rave] My boss called me fat.
/u/BigBootySnitches [26/5'2''/F | SW: 165 | CW: 143 | LW: 122 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Jan 3 14:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ny1bw/my_boss_called_me_fat/
TL;DR: boss called out my weight gain, potentially ruining my recovery trend

Hey y'all, long-time lurker/first-time poster. I always wanted my first post to be a rave about hitting my goal weight, but it is what it is.

I started restricting maybe a little under 6-8 months ago. I'm 5'2'' and had moved to a new city; one where people walked and used public transit more often. I had moved at a high weight of 163-167 lbs, but simply through having to walk more I dropped to 145-150 lbs. My employers at the time were this terrible married couple, and the wife would constantly pick at all my insecurities: making fun of everything from my clothes to my friends to my low income bracket (despite being the person who set my salary). Thanks to an already healthy dose of mental illness coupled with the small joy I associated with every pound I had lost, I ended up with a full blown eating disorder. I enjoyed having control and order over at least one thing in my life, and I was able to drop to 122 lbs in a few months.

My therapist and close friends were naturally upset by this development, and worked hard to help me start recovery. I left my abusive workplace and started a job I enjoyed a lot more with good pay, I rebuilt my support network in my new city, actually going out and meeting people and making friends. As of last October I was eating full complete meals without counting calories and skipping days for fasting.

Fast forward to yesterday. I technically work for a somewhat wealthy family: an elderly mom and dad, their son, and their son's wife. The mom and dad are great but the son is terrible and the wife is fun to hang out with, but she is very superficial and judgmental. She had just returned from maternity leave from her first child and has already lost most of the weight, and her regular comments about how gross her extra fat was had already been slightly triggering.

However, what was worse was when I walked out of an office to greet her, and the first thing she said was, "Oh, you DID gain a lot of weight." Which is doubly cool in that she not only managed to insult me, but she also let me know the other family peeps were commenting on it behind my back.

Anyways, I don't know if it was the weight mention itself, or it was something about the way she did it that took me back to my last abusive boss, but it triggered something and now the idea of eating makes me nauseated and even when I forced myself to eat lunch today, I found myself practicing my restriction regime (full glass of water before meal, minimum 20 chews per bite, 2 minutes between each bite with 2 gulps of water, do for 20-25 mins and stop eating). I'm begging my body to just eat it's meals, but god, now I am so disgusted with myself and how I look again. I'm worried it'll lead to a full regression but I don't want to tell my friends and therapist unless I'm sure because otherwise they'll make a big deal and I'll feel terrible for dragging them back into this.

I'm mainly mad at myself for constantly finding these types of people who use their power to be terrible and get away with it, and for not being able to base my self-worth of my own opinion, and for being so fucking weak that I can't even make myself do something that humans don't even have to be taught how to do. Maybe at least in this cycle I'll actually hit my goal weight.

[Help] Water retention?
Created: Wed Jan 3 14:15:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nxrux/water_retention/
In the last week or two I’ve been retaining water like a bitch. My stomach is distended and bloated all the time and I know it’s water weight since I wake up in the morning with it completely flat. I haven’t changed my diet at all and I’m drinking the same amount of water daily.

How on earth do I get rid of this excess water weight?

[Help] opened a pack of biscuits
Created: Wed Jan 3 14:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nxpk3/opened_a_pack_of_biscuits/

Texting buddy?
Created: Wed Jan 3 13:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nxn6j/texting_buddy/

Keto diet as recovery
Created: Wed Jan 3 13:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nxkhb/keto_diet_as_recovery/
I have a tendency to binge on junk food and then starve myself for a while after to "purge". It's kept me at a pretty normal weight and I'm good at hiding it from my friends, family, and co-workers. Still, I know this is sick, and I'm doing the best I can with recovery this year. I'm trying the keto diet again because not only can you eat a truly healthy diet, but it's got a lot of restrictions which satisfies a certain need for ritual, routine, and control. I crave sugar the worst when I'm in binge mode and once you've "detoxed" you don't crave it as much. It's really tough at first, but I did this last year for 6 months and I felt great. I have dealt with eating disorders since I was (almost) 12 years old. At 26, I need to take charge of my own life. I know I can't be the only one starting over this year. Thanks for reading this, and have a happy 2018!

*sorry im on mobile and can't flair this post.

/u/dievice [5'10" | CW 110 | GW 95 | UGW dead | 15 | 21F (⚧)]
Created: Wed Jan 3 13:26:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nxf1a/vaping/
anyone else here vape when they're hungry? there are 0 calories in vape liquid but my tank gives off amazing flavour so it feels like i ate something because of the flavour. maybe i'm tricking my brain into thinking i did. it's not the only reason i started but it's a very nice bonus ヽ(´ー`)ノ some people say that the smell of vapour makes them hungrier though soo idk

[Help] Tips to reduce puffy cheeks
/u/Boringfantasyland [Height:164cm | CW:108lbs | BMI:18.49|Gender:M]
Created: Wed Jan 3 13:24:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nxene/tips_to_reduce_puffy_cheeks/
School starts back up again tomorrow and I've been b/p since Christmas break started. I'm working on stopping purging since that's the only to stop swelling permantly but my face is so swollen and puffy. It looks awful. Any tips to help?

[Rant/Rave] 107. I wanna die
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Wed Jan 3 12:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nx779/107_i_wanna_die/
Once I dipped under 100 I reached back out to the ED clinic and since then I’ve binged up to 107 and now theyre supposed to call me today :—)

This isnt fair I can’t get help now I’m too fat fuck my life

[Discussion] So Halo Top is in Tesco now...
/u/Rhyanon [5'7" | cw:158 | bmi:23.74 | lost:-31 | ugw:120]
Created: Wed Jan 3 12:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwxe5/so_halo_top_is_in_tesco_now/

[Rant/Rave] A week in and I'm already down a pant size!
/u/memelinda [5'7 | sw: 203 | cw: 190 | gw: 130 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 11:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwi2z/a_week_in_and_im_already_down_a_pant_size/
I'm so happy guys!! I've been struggling my whole life with switching between binging and fasting. For the past year all I have done is binge and it made my weight go up to 203!! I felt horrible after Christmas and decided enough was enough.

I've been doing around 200-400 cals in total (800 to 1000 each day minus how much I exercise) for just over a week now and my pants that I bought a month ago are falling off of me.

I can't believe it and I'm so fucking happy!
My weight isn't coming off as fast as I thought but I think my body needs to get used to my cal intake. Normally my TDEE 2338 and I'm only eating around 300 so that's a 2000 deficit. My weight is fluctuating a bit but ultimately is going down. Is there anything else that I should do to help? I drink around 2L of water everyday and my exercise is about 500 cals each day.
20 down, 58 to go. (Can't update stats rn will do later)

(Tagging this as rant/rave because I think that's appropriate but if not please tell me so I can change)

[Discussion] Recovery Day 2
Created: Wed Jan 3 11:05:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwe5h/recovery_day_2/
(if this isn't allowed, I get it.)

So yesterday I impulsively decided I have to stop making myself more sick and start making myself less sick. I deleted all my tracking apps and peach. I almost but didn't quite delete all my body checks.

Because I'm recovering.

Or trying to. It's only the second day but this shit is hard.

Yesterday I kept counting calories or else feeling the urge to binge or debating going to the gym or using "behaviors" just because my head doesn't know what else to do. I did end up going out with friends and then making vegan grilled cheese and tomato soup drunk last night at 2 in the morning which I would not have done before, or it would have been in an embarrassing binge state.

Today I'm hung over and sick and the morning donut binge I fell asleep fantasizing about isn't going to happen (thank god).

I don't know, I already feel a little more in control of myself. And it feels good knowing I can get drunk and eat grilled cheese and everything is still a-ok. It's also cool to think that someday I could wake up and go to the donut shop and maybe get one and enjoy it and then move on.

Mostly it's really lonely and boring right now though.

So the discussion part of this thing where I just talk about myself a lot: to those of you who have recovered, how do you find new stuff to think about?

I'm letting myself eat whatever but trying to do it mindfully or whatever. So binges may or may not happen and I'm attempting to stay neutral about that. But I feel like my constant calorie diary in my head and the incessant desire/ compulsion to taste different foods is LOUD. What do?

Also, I miss peach a lot. I wish it wasn't triggering because y'all on there are the best.

Comments at the gym
/u/pm_me_ur_eyeholez [5'4.5" | CW: ugh| HW: 250/LW: 130/GW: 107| 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 11:04:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwdz4/comments_at_the_gym/
On mobile pls flair as a RANT bc FUCK anyone who makes comments to anyone else they see at the gym. It's a new fucking year, a lot of ppl are trying to get in shape. Fucking great. But don't say anything to those people, ffs. Despite how much of a land whale I am, I'm not one of those people and I work out nearly every day. BUT In the last two days, I've had TWO MEN COMMENT ON MY MERE PRESENCE. Yesterday a man had the audacity to try to tell me (lol seriously, me??) how the fucking elliptical works while I was on it???? Today, a man told me (later in the day) "good for you for getting into the gym." I know I'm fat and I'm trying asshole, I don't need your fucking approval or acknowledgement. Like, little do you know, I'm working out TWICE A DAY BC I HAVE A FUCKING EATING DISORDER. Not only that, I haven't fucking eaten anything since the first!! I've lost 20 pounds since November, but people clearly just see another desperate fat bitch wandering around not knowing how gyms work. How hard is it to let people live in fucking peace. Ok. Rant over. Fuck anyone who uses their mouth to vocally express anything at anyone in the gym unless they're literally about to die due their usage of the machine or weights.

[Discussion] Hit me with your favorite soups!
Created: Wed Jan 3 11:04:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwdtd/hit_me_with_your_favorite_soups/

[Other] Life is going great 🙄
Created: Wed Jan 3 11:01:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwd1c/life_is_going_great/

[Discussion] Throwing away food.
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 57.5 kg | -26 kg | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 10:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nwb5d/throwing_away_food/
I wonder if it's just me being irrationally angry or if there are others that feel the same.

I'm talking about throwing food away. I don't mean those that throw it away because they're scared of bingeing on it or those that throw it away to stop bingeing. No, I mean those that throw food away without thinking about it twice.

The reason I'm asking this is because I got a box of fortune cookies on NYE and was happy, I like them. They're packed individually, have only 30cals (compared to other cookies I have here that's really low), they have a decent size and the package is hard to open. Anyway, there are enough people who don't like to eat them but that doesn't keep them from opening one to get that little fortune slip and then they throw the cookie away. That makes me exceptionally mad because they were mine, I wanted to eat them. They are safe food for me.

But not only those cookies, it's the same with everything else! I always buy the smallest size I can get of the stuff that I need/want as to waste the least possible amount. Others? They buy the big packs and throw 2/3 of it away. And in the end they're also wasting money.

Am I overreacting? How about you? Anyone as bothered as I am?

[Other] Post binge-mas blues
/u/Anorexibulemanemia [Height 5'7"| CW: 124 lbs | GW 100 | 20M]
Created: Wed Jan 3 10:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nw8dy/post_bingemas_blues/
If any of you are weak willed like me, it's hard to feel inclined to work at losing weight after a particularly devastating binge. I definitely ate a year's worth of calories over Christmas and it sucks to lose progress like that. If any of you are feeling this way, just think about it like this: it's not about what you eat between December and January. It's about what you eat from January to December. When I'm stressed or depressed and binging, I have to snap myself out of it. I usually justify late night binges as "it's been a bad day, this will make it better". I have to remind myself of this: binging is a very short term solution that causes long term suffering, binging won't actually make my day better, and most importantly: some days are going to be bad, so just let them be bad. Some days are going to SUCK, but letting those days suck to the max (abstaining from comfort foods or other vices) and really absorbing the sadness and the pain is what makes them worth it. Next time you want to binge to feel better, just remember that it's good to have really bad days because it makes the good days that much better. As always, you are all wonderful and supportive, I just hope that my barely coherent ramblings can provide some insight or help. Stay warm and stay hydrated :)

[Help] Help, I can't stop thinking about food
Created: Wed Jan 3 10:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nw0bo/help_i_cant_stop_thinking_about_food/
Ever since I started lexapro I've been absolutely obsessed with food-- and it shows, so far I've gained 3 lbs. :( I'm vegan but I had a dream about eating shrimp. I keep fantasizing about Chipotle and their rice. I want a honeybun super bad.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm slowly going mad. I want to restrict so badly because I'm bloated and feel sick from overeating, but at the same time I want to be comforted by savory foods and sweets. It's like a war inside my head!!

What do you lovely people do to distract you from food obsessing? I need tips!

[Help] Alcohol calories?
Created: Wed Jan 3 10:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvzv1/alcohol_calories/
Anyone else here have a ridiculously high tolerance? It's so hard to get plastered w/o worrying about the calories in whatever i'm drinking. Does anyone have any tips for low cal drinks w/ high alc volume?
It normally takes me 6-7 shots to start getting drunk. I used to be able to drink liquor straight, but for some reason it's been more difficult lately.

[Rant/Rave] I'm on a bad feelings bender
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 190 lb | GW: 120 lb | 22F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 09:57:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvx0f/im_on_a_bad_feelings_bender/
Holy fuckin shit I hate my body so god damn much.

I gained 10 lb in 17 days. Is it possible? Is it just water weight? Fuck if I know, I pretty much just logged 3500/day over the holidays because I cant be fucked to log every single item that's gonna be way off anyway because I didn't cook it and weigh every ingredient.

My gut is extra squishy, hoping that it's water retained from salty, carby foods.

At least I think I trained myself to not use food as a coping mechanism? I haven't been reaching for the bottle either- No no, my drug of choice is now black tar, high octane self loathing.

I've been browsing r/bigboobproblems to feel shitty about my uneven, ugly tits that are way too small for my fatass body,

I've been tightening my belt to where it was last month to cut into my gross belly, and make a weird bulge under it,

I've been fantasizing about my boyfriend cheating on me to feel extra inadequate and unwomanly,

And I'm sorry to admit it, but I'm using you guys to feel like a fat jealous hog by comparison, because you're all so beautiful and slender, but so supportive and nice :(

But hey, at least all my friends are still on winter break, and I just flew back from seeing my boyfriend, so I get to be totally alone and no one has to see me /sbutalsonot

[Help] High protein with low carb and fat?
Created: Wed Jan 3 09:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvpk2/high_protein_with_low_carb_and_fat/
Can anyone recommend any (vegan/veggie) foods that are high in protein without also having a ton or carbs and/or fats?
My current protein bars, and only safe food, are 10g protein with 9 g of fat and over 10 g of carbs .. not so safe anymore :/
Thanks for any responses

[Discussion] Has anyone found laxatives to not work until the 3rd/4th try?
Created: Wed Jan 3 09:26:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvpdb/has_anyone_found_laxatives_to_not_work_until_the/
I've realised I've been super bloated recently even after taking a laxative every other night (Senecot Max) and that not much movement was happening.

That's until today! (Tmi warning) but I filled up the damn bowl. I don't know how the hell that all fit inside me but it must've been stuck there for a while. I know my tolerance never changes because I don't overdo it, so one is perfectly fine but occasionally my body acts as though I never even took it until days after.

This made me super sick last Christmas where I took one every day for a week, but no action was happening... until Christmas Eve I really thought I was gonna die. Does it get lost in there or something?

[Tip] Importance of before and after/ during pics
Created: Wed Jan 3 09:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvorq/importance_of_before_and_after_during_pics/
I'm sure a lot of you know pics are helpful in actually being able to see your progress. It happens so gradually that sometimes you don't see a change. That happened to me after losing over 35lbs this past 2 months, so I took a new picture yesterday and put it side by side with one from early November and wow, now I can see the difference. So yeah. Take pics. This is a before/ during pic. I'm less than halfway to my goal but it's so motivating to see progress. Pic on right is me at 190ish, prolly close to 200, pic on left is me yesterday at 164. Goal as of now is 105-110. I'm 5'4".

Edit: I was wrong, this is only 1 month progress..I weighed under 180 in the before pic, holy shit. I think I look way bigger than that but I checked my phone and that pic was taken December 5th. Sorry my original post was inaccurate, I should have made sure. I did start at almost 200 but apparently I had decided against taking any full body pics back then. Sorry again! But my point still stands, progress pics are very helpful!


[Discussion] Does your SO know?
/u/filthypit [23F • 5’4” • 99lbs]
Created: Wed Jan 3 09:23:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvoqw/does_your_so_know/
I recently read an old post by someone worried about “lying by omission” and honestly haven’t thought about it that way before. I always figured that it was all good as long as it didn’t come up in the first place. I have been dealing with this for nearly 10+ years and have never told anyone that is currently in my life. Any others that I have told are long gone, and I have never told a SO. Anyone care to talk about their experiences telling (or not telling) SOs?

[Help] Bulimia recovery bloat?
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Wed Jan 3 08:39:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nve8k/bulimia_recovery_bloat/
I last purged Saturday and last binged on Sunday and good lord am I bloated. I look literally six months pregnant and feel fat everywhere. My thighs and saddle bags are so fucking huge I want to cry. I def gained back all the weight I’ve lost in the last two years and it’s depressing.
But anyway, about the bloating, did anyone else who gave up purging experience this? After I eat my stomach gets so distended and I’m wondering if part of the fat feeling is bag water retention in my legs and hips?

[Rant/Rave] I think my scale is broken.
/u/IndigoSeasons [5'9" | CW 138 | CGW 118 | BMI 20 | Female]
Created: Wed Jan 3 08:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvcrr/i_think_my_scale_is_broken/
So, i didn’t have my scale for about 2 weeks. Before my birthday and the holidays, i was 135...

i get my scale back last weekend, weigh myself and i’m 142 and freaking out.

i weigh myself today and i am 132.

Is the scale broken? i know it sounds so stupid, but my house is funky and kind of on a slant with the foundation... could that throw off the number?

[Help] Heartbreak leads to absolutely no appetite
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6 | CW 140 | UGW 115 | 22.69 | -20lbs | 20/F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 08:25:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nvb08/heartbreak_leads_to_absolutely_no_appetite/
I was recently dumped by my long term girlfriend, out of the blue and for no reason. I have yet to get a real explanation. But with this came a drop off in my eating. I cant make myself eat, I can barely get out of bed. Usually I would be super excited to go a day without eating, but im going on like a week now and im starting to get scared. Im shaking all the time and im so dizzy that I don't want to go to work. Does anyone have any ideas of things I can eat/drink that would just help me at a base level, because even the thought of food makes me sick.

/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: 136.6 | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 07:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nuxj3/im_back_to_my_prechristmas_weight/
And I ate like a totally normal person this weekend! I ate around 15-1700 calories on Saturday and Sunday and on Monday I eased myself back down to 1200 and now I'm back to 1000 with no hunger pains. I ate well yesterday and ended at 944 even with half a pint of Breyer's Delights. I feel so much better right now! If I can keep up with 1000 I should be consistently under 130 by mid February, and this is officially the lightest I've been in over 2 years! My size 4 pants fit comfortably and my 'comfy pants' are getting to be too big to wear in public. I'm stoked! Now I just need to get back to the gym.

Happy happy day!!!!!

[Rant/Rave] i put my whole family on a diet
Created: Wed Jan 3 07:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nuvio/i_put_my_whole_family_on_a_diet/

[Discussion] Fasting obsession?
/u/Johnjo01 [5'5" |CW 119 | BMI 19.5 |GW 105]
Created: Wed Jan 3 06:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nuols/fasting_obsession/
I've delt with AN/BN for 20 years (I'm 35). I was always able to stay sane because I knew in the back of my mind that Girl Cannot Survive on Water Alone. I had to eat a little, right? No matter how bad it got, how low my weight went, I always had that lifeline. But now all the pop culture about fasting has gotten me obsessed. You CAN live on water! It's scientifically proven that people can healthily subsist for days, weeks, even months with only water and electrolyte replacement! My mind is fucked. It's been three days of fasting, something I've never even wanted to do before, and every day is just getting easier. I am very, very scared. This is absolutely me at the edge of the rabbit hole, and I don't see how I can not fall in. Anyone else???

[Rant/Rave] DAE get super annoyed when people call you "naturally thin"?
/u/TipsySnailfish [5'10 | SW: 160 | CW: 143 | GW: 130 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 06:26:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7num8h/dae_get_super_annoyed_when_people_call_you/
I have 2 housemates that are in the normal-overweight BMI range and we were talking about waist sizes tonight and one made a comment about how I'm "just naturally thin".

Ok, no. I have been restricting to less than 1000cals / day for the last two months. I weigh myself multiple times a day, record every morsel in MFP, and go to bed hungry. I might not be at my goal weight yet but I have WORKED for this body and it's so frustrating that other people can't see that and just dismiss it as an accident or genetics.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 03, 2018
Created: Wed Jan 3 05:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nu9fl/daily_food_diary_january_03_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 03, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday January 03, 2018
Created: Wed Jan 3 05:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nu96m/way_to_go_wednesday_january_03_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for January 03, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Discussion] January 3rd, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 05:01:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nu7m9/january_3rd_2018_question_of_the_day/
What are you reading right now?

[Rant/Rave] My body is just falling apart
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80 lbs | 15.3 | -27 lbs | f]
Created: Wed Jan 3 04:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nu71f/my_body_is_just_falling_apart/
I'm so desperately sick of being sick.

My joints are swollen and achy, my head is foggy, it hurts to pee, and no one loves me because my mental health makes me nothing but a liability.

I'm so cold it hurts and I can't even try to get warm because I hurt too bad to move.

I'm only seventeen and I feel like an old woman.

I just like to sleep and lie down and drink tea.

Normal people my age are recovering from partying on New Year's and I binged through the final moments of the year.

Every muscle in my body is begging me to stop but i cant.

My kidneys do weird shit.

My skin is flaky and itchy.

I'm retaining five extra pounds of water weight and my doctor (who i see every month to get my potassium prescriptions so my heart doesn't stop) still remarked how severely underweight i am.

My hair doesn't grow anymore, but my body fuzz is stronger than my will to live.

My chest aches and flutters at random. The edges of my vision fade if i stand up quickly.

I just want it to stop. I want to be okay but this has always been my life. For the last five years all i've done is be hungry and angry and tired.

My eating disorder stole my youth.

[Tip] PSA: EC Stacking can lead to dry mouth which can increase your risk of cavities.
/u/LetzBeAn [5'5.5" | CW: 114 | GW: 90 | 25NB]
Created: Wed Jan 3 04:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nu4hl/psa_ec_stacking_can_lead_to_dry_mouth_which_can/
Here's how it can happen:

* Caffeine + Ephedrine can lead to dry mouth as it will likely reduce the production of saliva in your mouth

* Saliva helps to prevent tooth decay by washing away the plague from your teeth and by countering the acid produced by bacteria in the plague.

* If the flow of saliva is significantly decreased, your mouth will become dry and acidic and plague may begin to build up on your teeth, all of which will make your teeth more prone to cavities

[Help] Appetite suppressors?
Created: Wed Jan 3 02:08:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ntisr/appetite_suppressors/

[Rant/Rave] I really love this community
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Wed Jan 3 02:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nti4m/i_really_love_this_community/
It doesn't matter if you're restricting, fasting, purging, binging or even trying to recover the support in this group is absolutely amazing.

I've literally never seen anything like it and I wish it existed in more subs and IRL.

I wish I could tell someone my dream is to be so small that I struggle to find clothes that fit and they respond in anything other than sheer horror.

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️love you all❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

[Discussion] Fast vs Exercise
/u/risska [H: 169cm | CW: 57kg | GW: ??? ]
Created: Wed Jan 3 01:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ntg5c/fast_vs_exercise/

Ways to curb appetite?
Created: Wed Jan 3 01:37:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ntejr/ways_to_curb_appetite/

[Help] Anybody know how to make your tummy stop growling?
Created: Wed Jan 3 00:55:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nt8ei/anybody_know_how_to_make_your_tummy_stop_growling/

[Discussion] My boyfriend said I looked thin
Created: Wed Jan 3 00:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nt86b/my_boyfriend_said_i_looked_thin/
Hi guys, I've been lurking for a bit, but I just feel like I have to share this with you guys.

I was fixing my hair this morning with the bathroom door open. My boyfriend came into the hall and told me I looked thin. I haven't lost much(15lbs), but apparently he can see it. Which is weird, because I can't even tell. It's weird, but now I can't stop thinking about it.

[Tip] tips to stop hunger/hunger pains?
Created: Wed Jan 3 00:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nt6ot/tips_to_stop_hungerhunger_pains/

[Intro] I'm baccccckkkkkkkkk❤️❤️❤️
/u/yssjfs [SW:160|LW:112|CW:126.4|GW:☠]
Created: Wed Jan 3 00:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nt1np/im_baccccckkkkkkkkk/
Had a weird couple of months... My eating disorder didn't go away, just got really passive for a bit? I guess not passive... I went from low-key neurotic with intense anxiety and constantly planning out meals and work-outs to.... nothing? Like instead of all that I would come home from work and go right to bed, get up and go right to work ect. If I didn't go to work then I would stay in bed. Hardly ever felt well enough to eat.

I'm trying not to own a scale for the time being. Not because I'm trying to recover, but because I know I lose more when I'm not weighing myself each day. Idk....

Anyway, I just felt the need to say a little something while I was reactivating this old account. Hope youve all been welll ❤️❤️❤️

[Help] Fml
Created: Tue Jan 2 23:55:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nsz85/fml/

[Rant/Rave] holy shit fuck i think my dad knows
/u/grape_fruits [5'3.5" | CW 102ish lbs | 19F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 23:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nsueu/holy_shit_fuck_i_think_my_dad_knows/
so I'm a college student home for the holidays and I've always had pretty bad period cramps. today I got my period and decided to stay in bed, my mom was just like "so you're not going to eat dinner?" and left it at that but I keep going back to the kitchen to refill my water cup and am trying not to eat anything because of that one post saying that eating late at night results in higher weight (from water) the next day and i really really wanna get to a new low weight. and then my dad asks for the second time if I'm sure I don't want to eat anything, and I'm like no, so he suggests that I should eat SOMETHING like bread so I'm just like oh fuck and he asks how much I weigh and I say I don't have a scale at school anymore and he's like but you weigh yourself here, right? how much do you weigh? and here I am stupid and say 103 which is the higher end of my current range but really I should've said like 105 or 107 and he starts talking about how he's glad I lost the weight I gained last year but "it's not good to go too much either way" and that he doesn't want to be pushy with food but ultimately I will suffer the consequences of "imbalance of food" and that I don't get enough nutrients from being vegetarian and the whole time I feel so caught and now I'm sitting in my room with a bowl of cheerios, a tangerine, and a bowl of pistachios, none of which I intend to eat tonight. anyway idk if this should be tagged rant or help but I guess I'll be maintaining for the rest of break and ordering my own scale when I get back :)))))))) happy fucking holidays, sorry for the wall of text

[Thinspo] There’s a person irl who’s my thinspo
Created: Tue Jan 2 22:48:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nsnux/theres_a_person_irl_whos_my_thinspo/
There’s this girl in my school. I don’t know who she is, I don’t know her name, I don’t even know what her face looks like. I just admire her body (and doesn’t that sound creepy as fuck). She is how I wish to be with a thigh gap and non fat jiggly thighs. An amazing fashion sense always wears pretty clothing showing off her small waist. As well as long straight dark brown hair. When I happen to be behind her while she’s walking i can’t help but stare jealously at how she walks. She’s beautiful and everything I aspire to be.

Is there anyone in real life for you guys that is your thinspo? Cause if there isn’t then I’m a borderline creep.

[Discussion] In need of thinspos??
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 22:06:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nsfyg/in_need_of_thinspos/

[Rant/Rave] Fuck r/thinspo
Created: Tue Jan 2 21:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ns79c/fuck_rthinspo/

[Help] Spotty vision?
Created: Tue Jan 2 21:19:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ns6l8/spotty_vision/
Does anyone know what causes spotty vision besides the obvious? Like what specific vitamin I might be needing? I don't have a headache/dizziness but my eyes have randomly stopped working and it's hard to make out letters on the screen of my phone with more blurriness in my peripherals. Normally my vision is 20/20 so I'm confused why this is happening. I've experienced it before, although not often, and it eventually goes away.

[Discussion] Is there any way to tell when your body is burning fat?
Created: Tue Jan 2 20:38:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nryd1/is_there_any_way_to_tell_when_your_body_is/

[Discussion] DAE hate eating noises?
/u/snaafuuu [5'3| 189 | 34.41 | -15.7 | 22F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 20:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nrusp/dae_hate_eating_noises/
I never want to be so negative towards people about eating, especially since very little food thing triggers me, but I was sat next to a woman eating with her mouth open and I was so disgusted I put my salad away.

She was wheezing while she was eating too, like she didn’t take a breath between stuffing popcorn in her mouth. It was so so gross, like nails on a chalkboard.Totally not what I needed tonight, and I really wanted my salad, but I’m so grossed out I don’t think I can stomach it.

Anyone else have this trouble?

[Discussion] DAE take an appetite suppressant right before a meal?
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26 F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 19:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nroo9/dae_take_an_appetite_suppressant_right_before_a/
I normally mix about 1/2 tablespoon of whole psyllium husk (about 9 cal) into a big glass of water and drink that down before I eat dinner. Tonight I decided to add a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar to the mix and the appetite suppression has increased threefold. I feel so full (and a teeny bit nauseous, but it’s starting to get better).

Dinner is typically my biggest meal of the day and it’s where I try to eat the foods that I actually enjoy instead of just getting myself through the day. Somehow making myself less hungry right before I eat makes everything taste better, like I know that I’ll be able to savor it and draw out the process of eating without going crazy or binging.

Anyone else do something similar?

[Discussion] DAE sometimes get tempted to be 100% honest with people, regardless of how uncomfortable it would be for everyone involved?
/u/BrandNewJayRab [5'7.5| CW: Too high | GW: 130 | Older Female]
Created: Tue Jan 2 19:39:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nrlz6/dae_sometimes_get_tempted_to_be_100_honest_with/
I'm 33 and I am exhausted.

The other day my co-worker made one of those "*I don't see how you can eat so much and not put on weight LOL*" comments.

I REALLY felt like just saying "*Oh, that's because whenever I eat like this I just throw up right after LOL!*"

I know people are oblivious to what doesn't affect them directly, and since I am not underweight no one thinks I can have an eating disorder. But I am just so sick of acting like I’m normal. I don’t care anymore. I’m over it.

Back when I was very, very thin and had recently dropped 25 lbs over a couple months, everyone praised me and asked how I did it. I gave the typical "eat less move more!" response but what I wanted to says was "*I just fluctuated between not eating for days and good old fashioned, unbridled purging! Aside from the life-consuming obsession over food and weight that comes with it, it's quite effective!"*. **Just to see the look on their faces**.

I don't even know what I would get out of it. Spreading awareness, one cocktail mixer at a time? As if suddenly all of the other sufferers out there will no longer feel shame for their illness? I know it doesn’t work like that. But I’m just…over it.

Even when someone is very underweight, most people don't think they have anything wrong with them unless they become hospitalized. And then it's like "Oh, but you are fine *now* right?" Because mentally stable people don't want to believe that their friends and family members are not okay. I want to just scream from the rooftop “I AM NOT OKAY! STOP TELLING ME I LOOK GOOD. I AM SLOWLY KILLING MYSELF.

I know most of you are still very young and in a different place in your ED than I am, so you might not relate to this yet. But I just had to get that off of my chest.

[Help] how long does magnesium citrate lax work for?
Created: Tue Jan 2 19:33:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nrkmh/how_long_does_magnesium_citrate_lax_work_for/

[Discussion] So many vitamins. How do y'all vitamin?
Created: Tue Jan 2 18:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nr73v/so_many_vitamins_how_do_yall_vitamin/
I take D3-5000, Potassium Gluconate 550, E-180, Magnesium 250, calcium 650, DHEA, a Multivitamin that has Iron, Iodine, Folate and misc other stuff, Ltheanine, Ashwaganda. And Biotin gummies.

In the morning I take Liquid Chlorophyll and Brainstorm 2. To try to wake me up. I'm 90% supplements and fat.

[Other] Something that really made me think and made me realize that I'll never be content or satisfied with my body...
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 18:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nr3yr/something_that_really_made_me_think_and_made_me/
Somewhere I recently read a discussion that was about moving away from the scale and how to stop focusing on numbers and start focusing on strength and positive body image instead.

Someone said "If someone showed you your ideal body and told you that person weighed 150 lbs instead of your GW of 110 lbs, would you really mind?"

And the thing is - I totally would. I'd rather look not so good in my own perception but be at a lower weight. Because I can trust numbers but not myself. The number on the scale doesn't tell the worth of a person - but it is still somehow tied to *my* worth and it's *objective*. If I lose weight I'm happy, if I gain weight I'm unhappy. I don't even really look at my body anymore because I cannot trust my own judgement.

With my ED I have always had this conviction that one day, at that one *final* GW I'll be fine with my body. 110 lbs will be thin enough, I couldn't possibly still be too heavy at that weight. Or wait, I still am. Make that 105. No, 100 sounds better. But double digits are nice. And so on...

[Help] EC stacking, Vyvanse, etc?
/u/overweightandstress [5'8 | CW: 144 lb | BMI: 21.4 | GW: 127 lb| F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 18:03:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nr0ik/ec_stacking_vyvanse_etc/

[Tip] Tips on how to stop b/p?
/u/dont_trust_cats [179cm | 61kg]
Created: Tue Jan 2 17:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nqx2i/tips_on_how_to_stop_bp/
Hi all you wonderful people...
I know recovery isn't the most popular topic here, but I've been dealing with bulimia/ednos for over a year now yaaaay and I really want to change. It's making me gain a fuck ton of weight cause it's just gotten way out of hand. It's actually making me miss depression, anorexia and suicidal thoughts for real, cause of all the stress and anxiety I have now.

Eating makes me anxious. Doesn't matter if it's a green bean or a carrot, cause I've apparently made sure that all foods except for one or two things trigger my overeating. Basically all I can eat now, are green apples without stuffing myself until I'm in literal pain, and I'm out of fucking apples.

So please, if anyone out there are experts of distracting yourself when hungry/about to self harm/binge/purge, please let me know cause I'd actually rather die before seeking professional help and I'm getting pretty sick of my life.

[Rant/Rave] Weighing in at the Doctor
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 17:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nqvoa/weighing_in_at_the_doctor/

[Discussion] Eating low quantity but high calorie foods in order to train my body to eat more proportionately?
Created: Tue Jan 2 16:17:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nqbh9/eating_low_quantity_but_high_calorie_foods_in/
My biggest issue with food was that I'd eat more than my body needed. It's been a few months but I've been trying to heavily train my body to stop wanting more food/getting that feeling of faux hunger. My weekly meal plan is to eat a little on monday and increase it throughout the week and restart it again on monday again with the same low amount of calories. But as the days go by I'm afraid of the high calorie day making me want to eat a lot more food than usual so I decided to eat the same quantity of food every day just raise the calorie amount. Does anyone else do this?

[Rant/Rave] I think my stepmom is passive aggressively trying to make my ED worse
/u/booger-burger69 [5'3 | CW: 117lbs | UGW 100lbs | -18lbs | 21F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 15:40:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nq292/i_think_my_stepmom_is_passive_aggressively_trying/
I kinda posted about this on r/relationships but it didn’t get much attention and I know y’all will understand this situation a lot better anyways

So my stepmom is a weirdo. She has always been jealous of my relationship with my dad, I’m his only daughter. She used to not let my dad and I have one-on-one time together, she’d always tag along or sit in on every conversation. My dad only texts my brother and me with my stepmom included so she can “keep up” with everything.

Since I moved back home due to financial reasons, things have been getting really tense between my stepmom and me. I’ve been struggling really hard emotionally, which I guess is taking up too much of my dad’s attention for her liking.

For the past few months she’s been sneaking into my room while I’m at work to “get dishes” that I bring upstairs, but I only noticed just recently. I had tons of chew-and-spit cups sitting around my room (I use my work’s cups, which are clear). I know she had to have seen them, but didn’t say anything to anyone. After realizing that she was snooping around my room I installed a lock on my door.

I lost enough weight for my dad to start noticing, so we had a talk (without my stepmom there, but he tells her everything anyways).

Lately my stepmom has been making my dinner plate for me, and she gives me much smaller portions than everyone else and then tells my dad in front of me “Oh I’m not eating tonight”. I may be overanalyzing this part, but I feel like she’s trying to make me feel bad for eating? Or by giving me smaller portions, she’s trying to get me to feel like I should eat less? Idk...

For christmas she bought me all large sized clothing, when I fit an extra-small/small and she has never bought me large sized stuff before. She wears a large, and she’s overweight.

Last night I made a funny comment to my dad about my college’s band *specifically*, and she gave me a super dirty look from the kitchen as she was cooking dinner and scoffed at me. I explained that my comment wasn’t directed at all bands (she was in band and her son is in band), but my college’s band *specifically* but she continued to huff and puff and give me a mean look, so I just went upstairs.

She then started a huge fight with my dad about how he didn’t defend her against me, and then threw away my dinner so I couldn’t eat.

Lately she’s been making all sorts of comments to my dad, in front of me, like “I’m too fat to eat anyways” or “I need to lose so much weight, I’m so fat”.

I think she’s jealous of the attention my dad has been putting on me since I told him about my eating disorder, so she’s lashing out at me super passive aggressively. In a sick way it makes me want to give in to my ED even more, it’s stressing me out so much.

[Discussion] Triggering resolutions?
Created: Tue Jan 2 14:37:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7npmb6/triggering_resolutions/
Am I the only one that gets super triggered by everyone's "new year, new me" resolution about a more ~healthy lifestyle~ and weight loss? It makes me feel even worse for any binge I end up having & makes me feel shitty if I'm not restricting the most. I just end up getting competitive with others? I don't even know, man.

[Goal] MIL bought me a S/M cardigan for Christmas
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 14:03:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7npds1/mil_bought_me_a_sm_cardigan_for_christmas/
My MIL didn't have any boys so she showers me with clothes. She used to work retail so she guessed my AU size 14 ass instantly...except for this Christmas. She got me a size S/M. I was so embarrassed because I knew she would want me to try it on and I would look like a too tight sausage. I've never been a S/M in my life.


MIL then told me not to lose more weight and I was like hah...yes of course.


Guys it was the best Christmas ever 😉

[Thinspo] Thinspo I originally posted to tumblr
Created: Tue Jan 2 13:43:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7np8h8/thinspo_i_originally_posted_to_tumblr/

[Help] My scale is giving me completely random numbers.. help?
/u/nordic_alien [167cm | 130lbs | 22 | 20lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 13:40:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7np7qh/my_scale_is_giving_me_completely_random_numbers/
I moved, and the scale for sure did NOT get banged up while moving. Now, when I weigh myself, every single time it is giving me a different number, usually 5 lb differences (i.e. 130, 135, 130, 140). It's electronic. Does that mean its hit its end and I must buy a new one now? :( It's more or less brand new, about a month old.

I'm stressed out because I have no idea what my weight is now.

[Goal] my thighs are the size i want my waist to be
/u/commtra [5'7 | BMI: 20 | GW:100 | -44 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 13:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7np755/my_thighs_are_the_size_i_want_my_waist_to_be/
22 inches at the widest part. just one of those little self comparisons i hate to make.

happy new year though❤️

[Help] Does anyone get way hungrier AFTER eating?
/u/swaegge [5'5.5" | 108 | 17.7]
Created: Tue Jan 2 13:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7np4sj/does_anyone_get_way_hungrier_after_eating/
I've been restricting a lot on winter break and I've been noticing that if I have a little snack to keep my energy up, I'll eat til I'm satiated (small bowl of pasta or something), feel better, but then like ~20 minutes later I'll feel even more hungry/dizzy/awful than before. Is this normal? Some kind of blood sugar thing or something? Omg it's so awful I don't even know what to do.

[Discussion] Threw up unprompted for the first time in years yesterday
Created: Tue Jan 2 13:24:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7np3nd/threw_up_unprompted_for_the_first_time_in_years/
It was so weird and a sensation I'm not used to feeling lmao. Fuck hangovers and the calories that come with alcohol!!!

[Help] Can you restrict too much to the point where your body will have a hard time losing weight?
Created: Tue Jan 2 12:54:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7novv6/can_you_restrict_too_much_to_the_point_where_your/
My TDEE is 1,619 ( subtracted version to lose weight) and I've been restricting to around 500-900 calories a day. I feel like I haven't been losing much in the time span that I've been doing this. So is it possible/ ever happened to you that you are actually restricting too much?
Thank you :)

[Help] Oatmeal
/u/reviic [♂| 5´1.5 | 114lb | BMI21 | HW: 130lb | Trans boy19]
Created: Tue Jan 2 12:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7novkb/oatmeal/
How much water can I add to oats? I see people say 1/2 oats to 1 cup water when its soft-boiled oats?¿? Can I add more? To make it bigger in volume?

[Rant/Rave] Why does it feel so different this time
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: prob 137, afraid of scale | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 12:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nopny/why_does_it_feel_so_different_this_time/
Under 140 is my pre-horribledepressionbingephase weight. In 2016 I went from 135 to 170 in a horrible depression and kept it on for over a year. I have worked so hard to get those 30 pounds off and I felt okay about myself the last time I was in the 130s, I ate normally like nothing was wrong, I wasn't skinny but I didn't care because I still wasn't fat. Why do I feel like such a hog this time? I don't feel better at all. I still feel like I look the same as I did 30 pounds ago. Now nothing over 120 feels acceptable to me and with my height and metabolism it's going so slowly. I can't drop below what I'm eating now because if I try to restrict too low I will binge but it's just so frustrating to still feel fat even though this is what I weighed before and I felt fine. Why. Why.

[Other] The Science of Gaining Weight/Recovery from AN
/u/antelsa [5'11" | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 12:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7noojt/the_science_of_gaining_weightrecovery_from_an/
Hi girls and boys! I thought I’d make a post about some misconceptions regarding weight gain. I know it’s a scary topic to a lot of people, myself included, so thought I’d share some facts.

The information below is taken from a couple of Pubmed meta analyses (to which I’ve provided the links below). I encourage you to check them out yourself, since they have more information than I can provide in a single post.

Q1: “I upped my intake. I should still be eating way under my TDEE, so why have I gained weight?”

There are a couple of reasons for this. First of all, it’s likely that the weight on the scale is just the physical weight of the food that hasn’t been absorbed yet.

"...*in AN patients, there is a delayed gastric emptying of solid but not of liquid meals [96,97], therefore liquid supplementations can be a well-tolerated intervention mostly at the beginning of refeeding treatment*."

People who have been restricting food for a long time have a slowed digestive system. (If the frequency of you going #2 has slowed down, this probably applies to you at least a little.) So, this means that the waste takes longer to get flushed out, and the weight of the partly digested food may be mistaken for fat. This is especially true for bulky, carb-y, and fiber heavy foods (which are the type of foods typically eaten by people with restrictive eating disorders). Consider: if I ate a pound of carrots, my weight would go up a pound, even though I only ate 186 calories’ worth of food. And that’s gonna take a long time to pass through my digestive system. Does this mean I gained fat? No, it just means that I’m holding onto a lot of carrot waste. So, if you suddenly up your intake (even if you’re still below maintenance) you may gain weight that isn’t fat, just partly digested food.But, if you consistently eat more, you will be able to “go” more frequently and this will become less of an issue.

Another common question: How much do I have to eat to gain at this rate?

*There is considerable data indicating that AN patients need somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 excess calories to gain a kg of weight (Table 5). The reason why this range is so wide remains unclear. Nevertheless, several factors have been called into question to try to explain this variability: physical activity, individual variations in energy efficiency, thermoregulatory response, composition of synthetized tissue, fluid shifts, age, and phase of treatment*.

So, no one really knows. Generally, models that predict how many calories anorexic patients need to gain weight overpredict the amount of calories necessary in the earlier stages of recovery and underpredict in the middle/later stages.

Some factors that may affect your rate of weight gain include:

-Whether you exercised a lot while restricting. If you exercised a lot, you may need more calories compared to someone who didn’t exercise.

-Whether you have been obese. Generally, previously obese patients have to eat a smaller surplus to gain, compared to those who have never been obese.

*Immediately after getting back to a healthy body weight, both R-AN and BP-AN are still highly energy inefficient and require increased caloric intake to maintain the restored weight*.

Metabolism tends to normalize over a 1-year period, after which your energy requirements will most likely align with those of someone of your body composition/activity level/age/gender who does not have a history of an eating disorder.

So, TL;DR: If you’re underweight and gaining, it’s very difficult to predict how many calories you need to gain weight. TDEE calculators are probably inadequate: they will likely over-predict the amount you need to gain a pound in the early stages of recovery, and grossly under-predict the amount of calories you need to gain in the later stages. This is because your metabolism is likely depressed from chronic calorie restriction, and the only way to get it back to normal is to consistently eat more.

Some signs you may have a depressed metabolism from restriction include:

*falling out hair

*low energy

*infrequent passing of stool

*no menstruation

*poor immune system/often sick

So, when you do gain, weight, where does it go?

Compared to healthy controls, eating disordered patients tended to gain more fat in the trunk (belly/back) area. However: this appears to be temporary! After a year of weight maintenance, AN-restored patients’ fat distribution is the same as that of the healthy controls.

*Partial weight restoration leads to greater fat mass deposition in the trunk region than other body regions in adolescent females....after short-term weight restoration, whether partial or complete, adults show a central adiposity phenotype with respect to healthy age-matched controls....The abnormal central fat distribution seems to normalize after long-term maintenance of complete weight restoration, indicating that preferential central distribution of body fat is a transitory phenomenon.*

I hope this gives you all some peace of mind, or helps those who are trying to recover on their own or scared to start recovering! <3

(I’m not a medical professional btw, just someone who has read some meta-analyses. I’m fairly certain all of the information in here is correct, but let me know if there’s a mistake.)

Paging /u/dumplingmeister because I think you asked about this stuff earlier :P




[Discussion] DAE gain weight so they can lose it again?
/u/avaflies [5'4" | GW bone]
Created: Tue Jan 2 12:04:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7noinu/dae_gain_weight_so_they_can_lose_it_again/
I haven't seen anyone else talk about this. I live for rebounding 10 or 15 pounds and dropping it all over again in a few weeks. Probably gonna kill me faster than straight up starvation but whatever lol. It's just so addicting to see the scale drop, it's more fulfilling than the physical effects which I can barely even notice. Usually it's a nightmare for people but I soak it up. Is it just me? Am I extra weird?

[Intro] Literally lurked for 1.5 years, so, officially, hi!
/u/blair_k [5'6| CW:135| GW:115| 23F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 11:59:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7noh80/literally_lurked_for_15_years_so_officially_hi/
After basically reading every post here for over a year it feels like the beginning of 2018 is as good a time as any to start posting. Even without posting, this community has somehow given me so much support, motivation, and reassurance.

A brief history:
**2012:** gained the freshman 25,(in 4 months, yes, lovely) had really never thought about my weight until I got home for Christmas break and went to the doctor and was suddenly 157lbs....
**2013:** downloaded MFP and restricted to below 1200 for 4 months. Got down to beginning of college weight (135). Then went on a lovely binge restrict cycle for about 3 years.
**2016:** Went vegan, graduated, probably the healthiest I've been in the past 5 years. (being vegan quickly turned v disordered again)
**2017:** Started prozac for OCD, Major ED restricting again, got down to 118. Then somehow back up to 135ish.
**2018:** Thats where I am now, restricting, trying to make 2018 a perfect year (ha)

Obviously a brief and edited summary without all of the details of the miserableness of an ED. But I think that sums it up for the most part. So anyway, Hi, and thank you all for being so welcoming literally before I have even posted. <3

[Help] Bullying on imgur, help
Created: Tue Jan 2 11:46:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nody8/bullying_on_imgur_help/
I'm about to sound really whiney, but I seriously got roasted on imgur and it kind of crushed me even though I know the people are trolls. I posted pics there just so I could share them here, and had people commenting I look like a guy (I don't think I look like a guy for the record but idk) My pics got downvoted to hell. Also got lots of messages from pervs. Now I'm not only self conscious about my weight, but wondering if my face is ugly too when I was ok-ish with it before. I want to share some progress pics here but don't dare post on imgur again. Is there anyway I can post on there without other imgur users being able to see? I guess this is a rant but also a help post. I want to share pics with you guys, not the hateful dickholes and pervs on imgur.

[Rant/Rave] Disappointed
Created: Tue Jan 2 11:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nocd2/disappointed/

[Discussion] Has anyone had experience with reaching underweight goals with ketosis/keto diet? (also some self-love/positivity <3)
/u/claireballoon [5'8" | CW: 134 lbs | 23F | GW: 115 lbs]
Created: Tue Jan 2 11:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7no60m/has_anyone_had_experience_with_reaching/
I see weight (fat!) fall off of people who do keto diets and keep their bodies in ketosis, but they are losing fat mass. I never see anyone underweight personally. Keto is often a successful diet because it's so much easier to count macros than calories if you plan properly and especially if you're losing a lot of weight (like those who are obese) you barely have to think about calories at all.

I find the calorie-counting mindset to be a prison that sucks out all the joy in the world. I have a tendency to restrict myself ridiculously into 20-30 lbs underweight, and celebrate by spending a few months eating whatever the crap I want. I really want to break this cycle and stay skinny, but I'm actually finally getting to a place mentally where I care about my emotional wellbeing more than I care about my weight. I'm at a weird push-pull but I just don't find joy and satisfaction from restricting anymore and I discovered I *love* most food now. But I miss my flat belly and I want to hurt myself every time I see the stupid little mound forming. I wanted to find some sort of balance. I went to a nutrition/weight loss clinic for some advice (obviously they're not going to help me become underweight again) and their scale measured what percent of my body is fat %, water %, muscle %, etc. It's becoming really clear that, while skinny, most of the weight I have is fat and I need to bite the bullet and start working out. Even though my "weight" is really healthy (134 lbs, 5'8"), I am 3 lbs overfat and something like 15 lbs undermuscle. If you can afford to talk to someone, I highly encourage you to stop by a clinic like this if you can because it's very very helpful for having a healthy relationship with food.

I really want to find a way to "pace" myself where I can plan my meals (for the record eatthismuch is an amazing tool), eat them, and not worry about every tiny calorie every day.

Lastly, on the subject of loving to learn yourself and developing a healthier relationship with food... I wore a crop top to new years anyway, despite my recent weight gain!! (I was 113 lbs in September going through a breakup, 134 lbs now as a happy girl) [You can even see my little belly mound that is growing but I don't care :)](https://i.imgur.com/xyVh0Ar.jpg) It was 10 degrees!!! That's some dedication. I'm very happy about my resolutions to make changes and achieve the same goals but being happier while doing so.

Thank you for any tips you have on keto and counting macros/micros instead of calories :) I'm expecting to just hear that at the end of the day you can only get underweight from calorie counting but we shall see. You are all such wonderful people and I hope you're making good resolutions this year, too.

[Help] I'm trying to stop weighing myself every day, 5x a day. How do you stop from hopping on the scale?
/u/chicklet2011 [5'6" | 181# | ??% | GW 120# | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 10:41:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nnxt1/im_trying_to_stop_weighing_myself_every_day_5x_a/
I'm trying hard this year to stop myself from getting on the scale after each "meal" and each trip to the bathroom. My goal is to only weigh myself once every two weeks, which seems like a much healthier behavioral approach to keeping myself in check.

Have any of you tried this approach? Did it help you not fixate on the numbers? Did you hide your scale from yourself?

[Rant/Rave] Dad saw my thinspo
Created: Tue Jan 2 10:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nnqcw/dad_saw_my_thinspo/

[Discussion] New year resolutions
Created: Tue Jan 2 09:36:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nnhxn/new_year_resolutions/
[I'm sorry if this has already been done, I don't see many/any posts from here in my feed]

What is everyone's new years resolutions? Have you kept to them so far? What are your goals for this year?

[Discussion] Anyone else having trouble with binging now that NYE is over?
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 08:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nn6un/anyone_else_having_trouble_with_binging_now_that/
The weeks before NYE I was restricting heavily cause I wanted to look good for the many, many events during the holiday season. I restricted through Christmas even, only slipping up once. But now that NYE is over, I don't have any immediate need to look good for anything and while I still want to lose weight, given the prior restriction and over-exercise I'm suddenly having trouble not binging. I don't have binge food in the house (thank god) but I went to the store yesterday to get cookies AND I ordered a pizza. Between last night and this morning, I've finished them... probably at least 2000 unnecessary calories. Ugh. Almost a whole pound. And that's not even thinking about the alcohol calories from NYE!!!

I know most people now are all, "New year, new me" trying to eat healthily but I'm finding myself with the opposite issue and just don't know how to return. Is anyone else having troubles with binging now that the holiday season is over?

[Discussion] Managing an ED at college? (my apologies for the detailed questions)
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Tue Jan 2 07:47:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nmtli/managing_an_ed_at_college_my_apologies_for_the/
1) I want to stop spending money so recklessly (rip Soylent and Quest bars); how do I eat at the dining halls when they post inaccurate calorie info at best?

2) Exercising in front of people mortifies me, and that sluggish 16hr fast style of running / elliptical just makes it worse. The gyms are open 5:30am - 11pm; when and how do I go?

3) Being in my dorm makes me want to hit my head against the wall, and eating is a way to distract myself. How do I find solutions? (I live in the midwest so walking is out for the coming months)

Alcohol brings out the worst in me
Created: Tue Jan 2 07:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nmrv4/alcohol_brings_out_the_worst_in_me/

[Other] New plan.
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 57.5 kg | -26 kg | 22F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 07:28:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nmprt/new_plan/
I always feel like shit after eating and the fact I haven't dropped a pound since christmas is frustrating. Yeah I know I should be glad I didn't really gain anything besides that 1kg water that's already off but you know how it is.
Anyway! I fasted the whole day yesterday and I plan on keeping it up. On friday I get a new haircut (much needed, didn't get one for 7 months now) and I decided that if I manage to keep fasting til friday I would go get myself a nice none fat caramel latte from starbucks. It's no good to treat myself with food? Fuck that! Sweet coffee is the only joy that I have which doesn't make me feel like crap after drinking it.
I usually give up by day 2 because someone is always interferring but not this time!

[Rant/Rave] Guilty and lonely
/u/coffeexsmokes [5'2" | 100 | -50 | 21F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 07:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nmmu4/guilty_and_lonely/
Used to be part of a mental health support group, but I left because I felt that I didn't belong there anymore. It seemed like everypne else was tryong harder than me and I felt guilty for being there.

Aside from my bf, that group was my only means of socializing. So now I feel isolated and unable to vent about frustrations that my bf just doesn't have much a chance of understanding.

I tried to find a therapist to help not feel completely alone in my disorders, but every single one I have contacted has either said they can't help EDs or they aren't accepting new patients. I just don't know what to do.

Just wanted this off my chest, cause I feel like I don't have many people I can bring this up with.

[Rant/Rave] MIL's present is messing me up
/u/SilentlyLuna [183cm | CW: monstrous | GW:Unattainable | -8kg | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 07:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nmlwh/mils_present_is_messing_me_up/
So my MIL (mother-in-law) sent us a memory stick of pictures of my SO's entire life as a Christmas present. Super sweet, right?


She had mentioned to my SO that she'd put pictures of his exes in a separate folder, and because of my insecurity issues my SO asked me to not look at them as they'd only upset me. Ugh, but fair enough, I know it would just make me feel horrible. I was staying away from that folder, but saw another titled "[SO's name] docs", and looked. In there were dozens of old love poems from his ex-fiancee, as well as some pictures of her that had been titled "the most beautiful girl in the world", "the person I'll love forever and always, no matter what" etc.

Obviously, not the loveliest stuff to read. I don't understand why MIL would send that to both of us as a present... Did she want me to see that? We've never really had any issues, but I've only met her a few times because she lives really far away and she has a really messy relationship with my SO, so I guess she might just not have voiced her disapproval.

Either way, even if it wasn't on purpose and she doesn't want the ex to be with my SO and isn't trying to mess with me, that *reallllly* sucked to see. And now I want to never eat again and cry and die because she looked skinnier than me, prettier than me, shorter, cuter... And they have *so* much history and is a huge insecurity point for me anyway. SO has called me beautiful, but I don't think he's ever called me the most beautiful girl in the world.

What if I'm just someone he's settling for because he lost his perfect dream girl... How can I ever feel like I'm good enough when I have her looming over me around what seems every corner, reminding me how I'm not as good as her...

Even if he tells me it ended for a reason, and she'd cheated on him, and they'd eventually just fought all the time, and he's happy with *me*, married *me* not *her*, says no one's ever treated him as well as I have... Still I can't get this poison out of my dark broken head and heart, and I'm drowning. And so scared.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm off to extend my intended fasts to try to become beautiful to earn my husband's love. Hah.

[Tip] Self care is not weighing yourself on your bday
/u/acidfairy [5'4" | CW: 133 | GW: 115 | -45 | 24F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 07:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nmkj8/self_care_is_not_weighing_yourself_on_your_bday/

[Rant/Rave] Dad stole my food. Again.
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 05:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nm9az/dad_stole_my_food_again/
So a few days ago my mom got me a chicken so I could separate it and put it in the fridge as I like to eat it cold over the course of a few days. It allows me to get protein and not really eat anything else, and I’m also eating meat only a few days a week now so it was going to be my only meat for the week. I left a little bit in the dish last night, and I was going to have some this morning but I felt very unsure if I should even eat.

I went to get it and turns out my dad took it, put a bunch of shit on it and is taking it for his lunch. Even if I wanted it now it’s ruined by all the bullshit he added.

He and other family members always do this, but especially him. He knows how much it pisses me off and upsets me and this even happened like a week and a half ago when he took a peanut butter ball from me without asking after I portioned them out in my meal plan for the day and he completely ruined my day. He thought it was so funny and was like do you want it back? And licked it.

I am so furious I want to pee and also kill someone and myself. I don’t even know what this reaction is but it’s one of my worst meltdown type reactions that I get and I’m so upset and furious.


Brain note:(fuck you for being such a piece of shit who thinks it’s funny to take what isn’t yours and laugh and make fun of me and tease me. Fuck right off )

So yeah guess I’m not eating now :))))))))

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday January 02, 2018
Created: Tue Jan 2 05:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nm2qp/thinspo_tuesday_january_02_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 02, 2018
Created: Tue Jan 2 05:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nm2q1/daily_food_diary_january_02_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 02, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] January 2nd, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Jan 2 04:53:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nlzza/january_2nd_2018_question_of_the_day/
Can people change?

[Rant/Rave] Lol I just got one-upped when I admitted to having hit a new low.
Created: Tue Jan 2 03:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nlmwt/lol_i_just_got_oneupped_when_i_admitted_to_having/
New years was....bad.
I've never hit bottom so hard and I came so close to giving in to the nasty thoughts and mean food cravings, and I binged and didn't get my new years eve kiss and if it weren't for a simple acquaintance I might have done some serious harm to myself that night.

New years day, fuck all the promises. I binged all day. I laid in bed, all day, not dead, wishing I was.
I finally told my bf about it..the nightmares, the constant battle and what happened last night
and of course it turned into a one upping contest. "Well I've had to deal with that kind of stuff my whole life."
so. As usual. I hit rock bottom, open up to some one, get one upped and have to shut the fuck up again, and nod, and say brokenly "That must be terrible for you."
and now I'm here, still binging. I can't even taste the food any more, i don't care about it, I don't want it, I don't care what'll happen the more I eat. I taste nothing. my stomache will burst..
I'm tired of this shit and I ache.

[Discussion] I'm in love and I don't even want to eat
Created: Tue Jan 2 03:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nllpt/im_in_love_and_i_dont_even_want_to_eat/
DAE experience this? It makes me feel so pathetic and a fraud.

Usually I stick to my calorie goal but I do feel deprived sometimes. But now I don't even feel hungry. Food just doesn't seem desirable at all anymore. It's just such a strange feeling because I've always been obsessed with food, when I was fat and now I'm not.

It's not a conscious decision like 'let's lose more weight to look good for him' either. It's like my brain just got completely rewired, and I can't help but love it.

[Rant/Rave] i hate seeing new high calorie recipes
Created: Tue Jan 2 02:27:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nlfgb/i_hate_seeing_new_high_calorie_recipes/
They always look sooo good, especially if they have cheese in it, and i want to try it so so bad, like, even just once. But then i look at the calories and I either can't do it and am stuck in an infinite cycle of desire and fear or i do try it and I'm stuck in a cycle of fleeting flavor and guilt. I miss high calorie foods so bad guys. I just wanna eat a whole bag of Doritos dipped in salsa and eat enchiladas and gross fatty boxed mac n cheese. But I'm so close to seeing the scale at a good number and I can't lose that, it's the only thing I'm living for right now, if I don't have my weight loss I don't have anything. I can deal with hunger, it's the temptation and cravings that make this a living hell. Sorry this is such a nothing post, I just needed to vent somewhere where someone might understand.

[Other] Finally feeling hunger again
Created: Tue Jan 2 02:18:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nle5k/finally_feeling_hunger_again/

[Discussion] How long will it take for others to see visible weight loss if I started fasting today?
Created: Tue Jan 2 00:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nl145/how_long_will_it_take_for_others_to_see_visible/

[Discussion] HELP NEED TO LOSE 41 pounds in a month I’ve been eating like 1200 calories a day and doing small exercises while doing nothing idk why I’m gaining weight my body hates me help
Created: Mon Jan 1 22:40:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nkhgd/help_need_to_lose_41_pounds_in_a_month_ive_been/

[Rant/Rave] New Year, New Habits
Created: Mon Jan 1 21:45:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nk7wr/new_year_new_habits/
I’m really scared I’ll start purging all the time now. Last night I went to a NYE party and got extremely drunk. I drunkenly ended up in the bathroom just throwing up everything I possibly could. I kept making myself throw up over and over again and in a really sick and twisted way I was so proud that I could get all of this damn calories out of my system, maybe I was even going to lose some weight in the process. It’s really funny how even when I’m drunk all I can think about is my goddamn ED, it’s almost like that is the only thing that matters to me and defines me entirely. But before last night I never successfully purged. I tried but I never had the courage to actually put all the effort I could into it. But after last night, after practically going all the way down my throat, I’m addicted almost. I bought some crepes from ihop in the morning and when I got home I felt the urge to throw it all up. It felt so easy to do. But now I’m afraid that in addition to restricting and fasting I’ll start throwing up the little food I actually eat. And I know that even though I’m scared I’m still going to do it. I don’t know what to think or how to feel.

[Other] hopefully tomorrow goes as well as I have planned.... reality? we’ll see I guess
/u/sammy_irl [5'11"/180cm | y-i-k-e-s | GW: small | 21F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 21:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nk4zm/hopefully_tomorrow_goes_as_well_as_i_have_planned/

[Help] What are your tips for getting off a binge cycle?
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 139.2 lbs | SW: 211 | GW: nothing but bones | F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 21:25:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nk4br/what_are_your_tips_for_getting_off_a_binge_cycle/
I live with my parents so please note that I can’t fast. My life has been fucking hell since October - I binge almost every day and put on at least 20 pounds. I’ve tried eating at maintenance but it’s so hard for my ED brain to be fine with it - I feel like I have to eat 800 calories or 5,000 and there is no inbetween. I have a borderline personality disorder, which make this black-and-white way to think even worse for me.

At this point I’m just desperate to get off this cycle for good. I’ve had a few good days but I’m unable to stick around. Restricting used to feel so easy and now that I’ve lost control, I just can’t fucking get it back. I’m tired, I’m mad at myself and my self-esteem is shit. Help? 😞

[Help] DAE have really bad periods?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80 lbs | 15.3 | -27 lbs | f]
Created: Mon Jan 1 21:22:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nk3os/dae_have_really_bad_periods/
I'm not talking like, a little cramping and moodiness. I am talking full on suicidal mood swings, bleeding to the point of being nodicably paler, cramps that bring you to your knees, hours sobbing on the bathroom floor because you can't stop barfing, etc, etc etc.

I fucking go through this every 20-40 days.

But no one will take me seriously because of my eating disorder.

In fact, one doctor flat out refused to beleive I even still have a cycle.

I feel horribly isolated in this and honestly it's a huge setback in any and all recovery attempts because like, if it's this bad when i'm starved what the hell would i go through at a healthy weight?

I hope that's coherent, but i'm honestly not sure how much sense i'm making writing half conscious on the bathroom floor.

May god have mercy on my soul (and my uterus).

[Rant/Rave] Today’s familial frustration
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 20:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njytm/todays_familial_frustration/
My 6’4, 200 pound, competitive rower of a father thinks he needs to eat 1700 calories a day to maintain his weight and insists that if he eats any more he gains like crazy (for reference, all scales suggest he needs at least 2300 at sedentary). When I tried to explain to him that I need around 1500, he started talking about genetics and how I must have my mum’s genes. Frustrating because I couldn’t convince him otherwise but also scary because what if he’s right and I actually have his genes and I’ll never be able to lose anything? I can’t wait to go back home once the holiday break is over.

[Rant/Rave] This (270) plus a S’mores Think Thin bar (150) is my lunch/OMAD tomorrow and I’m super excited!
Created: Mon Jan 1 20:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njxq7/this_270_plus_a_smores_think_thin_bar_150_is_my/

[Other] ed_irl
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 198lbs | M]
Created: Mon Jan 1 20:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njxll/ed_irl/

[Rant/Rave] Lost two pant sizes, still not enough.
Created: Mon Jan 1 20:49:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njxib/lost_two_pant_sizes_still_not_enough/
I'm so upset. I went from a 24 to a 20 and have been working so hard. I felt so nice yesterday that I took a few nice pictures of myself. But tonight my stomach is swelling because of how stressed I am.

It's not enough.

And I know it'll never be enough.

I'm so sick tonight. I can feel a migraine coming on and I'm so constipated and laxatives are just killing my stomach.

If I can get to 120... I know it's naive. And I know better. But if I can get to 120, maybe. Just maybe...something.

[Goal] Finally caved...
Created: Mon Jan 1 20:48:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njxf0/finally_caved/
And bought some laxatives yesterday. I'm so tired of purging and worrying about my teeth falling out! I lost 2 already and a 3rd one that is cracked off. But I always feel so damn guilty when I eat! And I'm an emotional eater. And I've been very emotional lately 😌😥

[Other] New Year’s grocery hauls? Here’s mine (list in comments)
Created: Mon Jan 1 19:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njgx3/new_years_grocery_hauls_heres_mine_list_in/

[Rant/Rave] I should have stayed home.
Created: Mon Jan 1 19:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7njf03/i_should_have_stayed_home/

[Intro] Accidentally killed my pet today.
Created: Mon Jan 1 18:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nj9cc/accidentally_killed_my_pet_today/
Hi all. I'm a long time lurker and though I don't participate in the subreddit I'm always blown away by what a supportive group you are.

I've struggled with disordered eating, self-loathing, and self-harm since I was about 15. I'm almost 30 now. I haven't self-harmed since I was a teen, thankfully. Disordered eating has been a problem since I discovered what a calorie was.

Anyway. I'm really having a tough day today and I feel like I have no one to reach out to. My lovely fiancé is doing his best.

I had a healthy little elderly rodent pet... And I stupidly put her on the couch beside me, right beside a high banister on a staircase.

You can probably see where this is going. I wasn't paying attention, she hopped onto the bannister and fell about ten feet onto the stairs.

God it was awful. Like watching a slow motion car crash. She hit the stair and I heard the terrible sound of squealing. I rushed down the stairs and she was writhing. I managed to scoop her up before my dog got to her. She was taking big gasping breaths and struggling to get out of my grip.

I just helplessly held her against my chest while she struggled to breath. Then she stopped breathing.

I just feel....such immense guilt. I killed her with my carelessness. She was a sweet elderly little creature (7 years old) and had to die because I was stupid. A momentary lapse in judgement.

I just held her against my chest for several hours, crying. I made a little coffin for her and my fiance brought her out to the garage. The ground is too frozen to dig a grave.

I just can't stop crying and the urges to self-harmed are so so strong. I feel so guilty and awful. My fiance would obviously notice if I cut myself and I can't deal with that shame. I guess restricting until I feel better is the next best alternative.

To top it off, today is the last day of Christmas vacation so I have to return to work tomorrow. It's going to be really hard not to cry there, and that's literally my worst nightmare.

Thanks for reading... It just feels soothing to type it all out.

[Discussion] Real Dinner Advice
Created: Mon Jan 1 18:43:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nj913/real_dinner_advice/
I’m on a drunkarexia binge since the holidays and I really don’t wanna talk about all the horrible things I’ve done in the past few days so all I wanna ask is if any of you know some “filling” dinner meals. I always cook for my husband but never really eat any of it and I would love to share that kind of moment with him since dinner always feels weird for me. Any suggestions would be marvelous. Thank you in advance ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Who even am I anymore
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Mon Jan 1 18:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nj8y9/who_even_am_i_anymore/
I’m high and me and my roommate legit just took turns purging and all I can think about is how fucked up this is, how disappointed my younger self would be in me, how disappointed I am
in me


[Discussion] Help me be supportive
Created: Mon Jan 1 18:37:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nj7va/help_me_be_supportive/
I just stumbled across this subreddit and thought you guys were all so amazing.

Reading through showed me that sometimes people don't understand EDs and how their actions can affect others.

I don't have an ED, I was raised with the romanticized views on body image and spent my teen years browsing reddit where it's all pictures of naked girls and comments from dudes saying what they'd do to them or saying what's wrong with their bodies. People always try to give empty advice to others with disorders as if it were easy.

As a result, I (and people like me) might say some callous things without realizing.

What should a person like me look out for? Do you have stories of a time that family/friends/SO were very supportive? Or times that they caused something worse than they'd ever realize? How should the culture change to offer a safer space?

Much love to you all ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I think this is unhealthy..
Created: Mon Jan 1 18:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nj3cp/sometimes_i_think_this_is_unhealthy/

[Help] Time for binging
Created: Mon Jan 1 17:54:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7niyyh/time_for_binging/

Another New Year's Post, Sorry...
Created: Mon Jan 1 17:29:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nitpz/another_new_years_post_sorry/

[Other] [other] My mom just told me we're having a family reunion at the beginning of March...
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Landwhale -18lb | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 17:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7niqok/other_my_mom_just_told_me_were_having_a_family/
...talk about an instant appetite suppressant. I was in the middle of eating dinner and it immediately made my food taste like ash in my mouth.

That side of my family is all rail thin with beautiful skin and make me feel so ugly when I'm around them. So I have a little over 2 months to drop 20 lbs and clear my face up before I have to see them. I think it might be the kick in the butt I needed to get back on track! Though I'm terrified I won't be able to do it and I'll be the only pimple-faced tub of lard in all the pictures...

[Rant/Rave] I was the "hot girl" last night at a New Year's Eve party.
Created: Mon Jan 1 17:11:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7niply/i_was_the_hot_girl_last_night_at_a_new_years_eve/
After years of being the fat outcast and not fitting in. After spending my entire life never quite feeling like a "real girl" (whatever that even means, I don't even know).
After months of going to the gym and watching makeup tutorials on YouTube. After dying my hair blonde and keeping my nails and eyebrows perfect. After hours of applying perfect makeup, straightening my dyed hair, squeezing into a tiny dress and high heels.
You know how it felt? Fucking fantastic. Guys wanted me. I went home with the guy I wanted to go home with. It wasn't just me standing by the wall and wishing he would come talk to me, as has been the case my entire life. Girls were even nice to me, they wanted to talk to me and get to know me. People brought me free drinks.
You know how else it felt? Triggering. After battling bulimia for 9 years, I have been trying to eat as "normally" as possible AND SUCCEEDING. And today I ate pancakes with butter and bawled my eyes out and purged for the first time in months. I don't think I'll ever be able to win.
I feel so empty inside.

[Discussion] Anyone else have a chronic illness that affects your relationship with food?
Created: Mon Jan 1 17:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ninrs/anyone_else_have_a_chronic_illness_that_affects/
I was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri when I was 13, around the same time my ED began. It's a condition that causes an overproduction of fluid in the skull and causes horrible headaches and can lead to blindness. It's directly correlated to weight and it forces me to keep my weight down and constantly watch everything I eat. My neurologists over the years have constantly emphasized how important it is to keep my BMI low and it puts a lot of pressure on me. I recently had another flare up and immediately began watching my weight very closely and started purging very heavily, 4-5 times a day. I lost 20 lbs in about month but ended up gaining about 7 back during the holidays since I was feeling better and not so worried anymore but now I feel my headaches coming back. I'm terrified of gaining weight since my neurologists seem to think it's time to consider brain surgery as an alternative solution.

I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? I do think a large majority of my ED stems from psychological problems from being overweight in childhood but I've noticed this disease has made me relapse into unhealthy habits again. I just feel so low and scared and don't feel like anyone understands what I'm going through. My mom found out I was purging again and I told her she doesn't understand the pressure I am under to quickly drop weight.

[Rant/Rave] Binged on the last day of 2017
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 16:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nieuh/binged_on_the_last_day_of_2017/
My first time binging in months and I ate so much, I even ate dairy which I have been working on quitting (trust me now I’m done with it). I felt so sick at the end of the night so fucking bloated with food, woke up this morning and I am so stopped up. I weigh 4lbs heavier (water weight and waste all that yadayada) and I am thinking about using my laxative tea because I need this shit out of my stomach. It’s 2018 time to start fresh guys!!!

[Discussion] something relatable my stepmom just said
/u/fortunate-foolx [62 in. | 217 lb | 39 | -13 | 18F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 14:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhxd5/something_relatable_my_stepmom_just_said/
just want to disclose before i say this but: I DO NOT SEE ANOREXIA OR ANY OTHER EATING DISORDERS AS A DIET!!!! however, other people seem to, which is why i find it funny, because i'm always "dieting" to them. but i ordered an unwich from jimmy johns, because calories from bread yo. and she goes, "are you on a diet again, youre always dieting, it's like it's your identity at this point." and i'm just like lololol if only you knew woman.

anyway: happy new year, lovelies. <3

[Discussion] Just purged for the first time in ages
Created: Mon Jan 1 14:39:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhtor/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_ages/

[Discussion] Just purged for the first time in months
Created: Mon Jan 1 14:38:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhtf3/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_months/

[Other] So much for a fresh start for the new year
Created: Mon Jan 1 14:22:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhq03/so_much_for_a_fresh_start_for_the_new_year/

[Help] Had a 24 hour fast💖
Created: Mon Jan 1 14:16:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nholx/had_a_24_hour_fast/

[Rant/Rave] News years 2018
Created: Mon Jan 1 14:01:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhl5b/news_years_2018/
I really fucked Up last night and did something really bad. And now the next day I’m scrambling to find a place to get the Plan B pill and I have no money. on top of that I haven’t eaten for 3 days. I got too drunk last night. I threw up a ton. I feel weak and depressed and the only thing that’s keeping me going is thinking how excited I’ll be when I go another 24 hours without eating.

I just don’t want to live to see 2019.

[Discussion] January Goals
/u/shrinktoavoid [F 5'7|107.8 - Maintenance]
Created: Mon Jan 1 13:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhhh0/january_goals/
So I keep seeing a lot of New Years goal posts, but I suck at long term stuff and need the motivation of short term stuff instead.

So what's your goal for just this month?

Here's mine:

No binging

No purging

No diet soda or energy drinks

[Discussion] What is your favorite drink for curbing appetite?
Created: Mon Jan 1 13:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nhh8u/what_is_your_favorite_drink_for_curbing_appetite/

[Rant/Rave] Advice/Help? *trigger warning*
Created: Mon Jan 1 13:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nh9ps/advicehelp_trigger_warning/
This is going to sound a bit silly but I'm really stressing. My parents went away for a few days and bought me some food to eat while they were gone, but I've not eaten at all because ??? and they're coming home tomorrow and all this food they bought for me is still here. I don't even know what's wrong with me, I just weighed myself and sort of stupidly challenged myself to see how much I could lose and I don't know what to do now. I'd like to eat again but it feels too overwhelming and I'm stressed about the fact it will be obvious I haven't eaten in days. I guess I'm starting 2018 in a complete fucking mess. Happy new year.

[Other] skinny pants
/u/MooMooOinkOink [current BMI 20/ 1st goal BMI 18.5]
Created: Mon Jan 1 13:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nh8j6/skinny_pants/

[Rant/Rave] Ugggghhhhh
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 13:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nh7mz/ugggghhhhh/

[Goal] Chew And Spit January!!
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Mon Jan 1 12:44:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nh3v9/chew_and_spit_january/

[Rant/Rave] Holiday stress
Created: Mon Jan 1 12:44:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nh3q6/holiday_stress/
On break from uni for the Christmas and I feel like I'm un doing all my work and gaining weight it's stressing me out so much . My parents keep offering me unhealthy food and drinks and I can't turn them down because I'm bored and sad and I just can't deal I've put on like 4 pounds though I'm not sure how much is fat and how much is water weight ect. I'm staring fasting tommorow and I'm just going to try and keep busy

any advice for avoiding temptation and dropping some weight before I go back to uni ?

[Help] I need help with eating out
Created: Mon Jan 1 12:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngya2/i_need_help_with_eating_out/
How do you avoid having to eat at restaurants ect.when going out with friends? Especially having to watch them eat food for like an hour +?

[Rant/Rave] why do I let things that are completely out of my control trigger me????
Created: Mon Jan 1 11:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngss0/why_do_i_let_things_that_are_completely_out_of_my/
this guy I'm fucking obsessed with and used to have a bit of a thing with just got in a relationship and it's triggered me to fuck. Half of me is like well no fucking wonder pal, you're ugly as fuck who'd want you anyway? might as well just binge like the failure you are. But then the other half of me is like nah we'll show him, lose another 10, 15, 20lbs and he'll fucking NOTICE. He noticed when I lost a lot of weight recently and got very protective and worried about me but I guess he doesn't care now. FUCK why do I care at all? I feel so childish, I'm an adult why am I thinking in such a petty way, his relationship is nothing to do with me. I'm a toxic person he's better off not even knowing me, god I hate myself. I'm the definition of an attention seeker how pathetic.

[Help] Fitbit app help
/u/dino_bones72 [5’3” | 130lbs | 22 | 13lbs | Female ]
Created: Mon Jan 1 11:26:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngmq1/fitbit_app_help/
Does anyone use the Fitbit app? I’m very confused by it.

So I input all my stats, set my target weight and chose the timeframe. It said I need to undereat by 1,000/day leaving me with 283/day (+ any extra I gain by exercising). It seems like it’s taking the caloric deficit from my BMR - is this right? I thought you restricted from your TDEE.

Like today, I’ve had 1,200 calories (don’t judge - it’s tradition in Scotland to have steak pie on NYD and that puff pastry is loaded with cals) but Fitbit tells me I’ve over eaten by 983. I’m very confused!

What’s weirder is that if you set your own daily calorie limit, the lowest you can set is 1,000. But it can tell me a max of 283 per day? I know I have an ED, but even I’m not mental enough to get by on ~300/day. 750-900 is my usual aim

[Help] In need of some advice/kind words/help/tr: self harm
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 151.5 | GW: 118 | -15.3 | F24]
Created: Mon Jan 1 11:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nglqa/in_need_of_some_advicekind_wordshelptr_self_harm/
Hey guys, happy 2018!! Or my condolences, whichever applies (I'm not sure which applies to me yet honestly).

So the issue: family cruise for the holidays. Oh yes. Just me, my sister, mom and dad for 8 nights on a ship full of unlimited food and booze and no scales. To add to the joy? Guess who forgot their appetite curbing ADD meds AND their anti-anxiety meds? Yep. We got back yesterday.

I am TERRIFIED of the scale. Not only do I think I experienced a bit of refeeding syndrome (tried to fast before the cruise and my stomach reacted really poorly to the sudden binging), but uhmm....for some reason I've discovered that pooping everyday is a trigger for me? I'm so used to going twice a week max, going multiple times a day seriously freaked me out. How much did I eat to actually be able to go multiple times a day?!?! Christ.

Guys I ate SO much. My stomach was full to bursting so often throughout this cruise and what did I do about it? Go eat fucking more. Why?!??!?!?! I'm sure I gained all of my 22lbs back.

Even worse, my little sister is thin as hell. Like, about 109 and my height of 5'2". She needed to weight her suitcase to make sure it wasn't overweight, so I gave her my scale and had her weigh herself first (now I finally know what she weighs), and then weight herself holding the suitcase, and subtract to get the difference. Guys....She weighed 146 with the suitcase. My current weight that day. The weight I worked SO HARD to reach. My 20lb loss mark. So now I know to look like her I have to lose the equivalent of a heavy as fuck SUITCASE.

This post is definitely all over the place. I'm trying to go back to restricting, going back on my meds has fucked up my stomach, and I'm hanging out at my BFs waiting for the HVAC guy to come fix the heat because it's broken (single digit weather outside too). So yeah all over the place. And I found out I failed all my grad school courses last semester so I'm pretty much just....I just want to die and carve myself up with a razor blade. Mixed up the order of those things lol.


[Intro] mainly a lurker here
Created: Mon Jan 1 11:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngjz9/mainly_a_lurker_here/
i've been posting in this sub here and there but never actually introduced myself, so hi!
i always had body image issues since i was a kid, struggled with binge eating a lot and hated myself for eating, then about a year and a half ago i wanted to lose weight again so i started eating really clean which helped me with the binge urges to be almost gone and i didn't really calorie count mount just estimated mostly. after that i started counting every calorie and use food scale because not knowing the amount i ate would freak me out or make me feel nervous. and just generally feel like a failure whenever i eat something, like if i can't control this one thing then i can't control anything in my life anymore. i started with eating about 1600-1500 calories, then it seemed too much, went down to 1200-1300, then 1000 and these days 700-900 and that feels like too much most days as well and scares me.
honestly i joined this sub because i feel it's nice to have people who have the issues and can understand each other with judging, but anyways that's about it :)

[Discussion] has anyone here tried oppo ice cream (UK)?
/u/intensitei [5’8 | fat | 23F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 10:54:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngfrn/has_anyone_here_tried_oppo_ice_cream_uk/
this is the website: https://www.oppoicecream.co.uk/

it’s only sold in the UK i guess and it seems to be super low-cal. any UK users here ever tried it or even heard of it? does it taste like sad bland coldness? or actual ice cream?

i’m in the US so i can’t even try it lmao but i’m curious!

[Help] Had a bad fight with my bf
Created: Mon Jan 1 10:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngeqd/had_a_bad_fight_with_my_bf/

[Other] Face progress maybe? Trying to feel happy about how far I’ve come instead of dwelling on what I ate last night for New Year’s
Created: Mon Jan 1 10:48:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ngekm/face_progress_maybe_trying_to_feel_happy_about/

i need new pants but I'm too fat
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Mon Jan 1 10:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nga37/i_need_new_pants_but_im_too_fat/
I have **one** pair of pants and they're getting dirty.

I don't want to buy new pants, though, because I want to lose weight. If I buy a size 4 now, it'll be baggy in a couple months.

DAE deal with this? What should I do?

[Discussion] My body image is so far warped at this point.
/u/ditzydizz [❤ 19F | 5'2" | hw~150 cw~115 gw~100 ugw~90 ❤]
Created: Mon Jan 1 10:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ng963/my_body_image_is_so_far_warped_at_this_point/
I have always thought I was fat, since reaching my hw about 4 years ago. I keep telling myself, at the next milestone gw I am Not Allowed to think I'm fat anymore. But that weight just keeps getting lower and lower, as each one I reach, I still think I look like a whale.

Recently, I saw a picture of a girl in my uni who I've always thought was goals. She looked to be about my current size actually...

... And that's when I realized, while looking at pictures of her (and other girls I thought of as "thin"), if I had her body, I would think I was fat now. Without a doubt. Despite the fact that I have never seen her as even remotely fat!

I just wish I could see myself that way. All I see is fat that needs to be gone ASAP.

[Rant/Rave] I’m just fat and have no friends
Created: Mon Jan 1 10:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ng4w1/im_just_fat_and_have_no_friends/
All of my friends have separate chats where they exclude me. I don’t know why but this always happens to me. I don’t do anything wrong, i’m introverted and quiet so maybe that is it? maybe they don’t like that i’m quiet or maybe they think i’m just stupid for losing weight and not eating lunch with them or going out for meals with them or eating snacks at the cinema. I think that being excluded and having no friends is the absolute worst feeling ever, especially when you see them doing things all over social media everyday. i have no one and all i can do is eat and feel guilty. i’m so pathetic.

[Goal] My new years resolution is to not go over 2,000 kcals
Created: Mon Jan 1 09:41:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ng0c7/my_new_years_resolution_is_to_not_go_over_2000/

[Discussion] January 1st, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 09:23:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nfwyc/january_1st_2018_question_of_the_day/
What is your mission?

Happy 2018 everyone! Let’s hope it’s better than 2017 for many reasons 🙄

[Rant/Rave] [rant] New year, no food for me.
/u/idontevenliketeatbh [23F 5'3" | cw.159 | gw.120 | ugw.100 | lost.40lbs ☕ ]
Created: Mon Jan 1 09:20:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nfw9b/rant_new_year_no_food_for_me/
I was scrolling through Facebook and my friend posted a picture. Her new years resolution last year was to lose weight. And she did. She's much skinnier than me now. I've always been thinner than her. Now the tables have turned and I can't even be happy for her. I'm mad, jealous, disgusted with myself. I can't believe I let myself get this way. I'm a blob. A blob full of bitterness and I can't make it right so I guess I'll fast.

How many?!
Created: Mon Jan 1 09:16:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nfvik/how_many/

[Rant/Rave] time differences are FUCKING ME UP
Created: Mon Jan 1 08:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nfmnj/time_differences_are_fucking_me_up/

[Discussion] Do any of you have access to InBody? I've lost eight since it told me to gain seven. It doesn't have my full trust and negative on that muscle growth discouragement, but I'll take the fat loss compliment with joy.
Created: Mon Jan 1 07:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nfcxm/do_any_of_you_have_access_to_inbody_ive_lost/

[Other] Do any of you have access to InBody? I've lost 8 since it last told me to gain 7. I don't trust it compliantly or appreciate discouragement of muscle growth, but do accept the fat loss compliments with joy.
Created: Mon Jan 1 07:18:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nfbj6/do_any_of_you_have_access_to_inbody_ive_lost_8/

[Rant/Rave] Who else fucked up from the FIRST DAY?!?!😭😭
Created: Mon Jan 1 06:38:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nf611/who_else_fucked_up_from_the_first_day/

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! January 01, 2018
Created: Mon Jan 1 05:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nevlu/weekly_stats_update_january_01_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for January 01, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! January 01, 2018
Created: Mon Jan 1 05:15:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nevlj/daily_food_diary_january_01_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for January 01, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Puffy face; Could it be ED related?
Created: Mon Jan 1 04:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ner4j/puffy_face_could_it_be_ed_related/
I know we are not doctors. I'm not looking for medical advice, more opinions and experiences. I will go to a doctor when they reopen (hahahaha, they average waiting time to see a doctor is 4+ weeks)
This is probably the wrong place to ask this. My face is puffy, I look like a toad. The definitions of my face have gone and my eyes look like two piss holes in the snow.

I've not been purging, so I don't think it's chipmunk cheeks from that. I had been restricting around 1000 give it take 100 cals for about a month. Christmas has seen an increase in my intake. Not an overly excessive amount, but way more.

I know severe anorexics get puffy faces when refeeding, but I don't think my level of ED would cause this.

My tonsils feel swollen and I feel a bit restricted when swallowing, but I don't feel like I have a virus.

So after writing this, I would assume that it's not ED related, but in case I am missing something, I thought I'd ask here as I can't ask anyone else regarding ed stuff

Peace out x

[Rant/Rave] Nye was crappy. But...
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 99]
Created: Mon Jan 1 04:06:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nenmq/nye_was_crappy_but/

/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 110 | 19.5 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 03:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nekr2/guys_ohmygod_help/

[Discussion] Sexual abuse and EDs
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 110 | 19.5 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Jan 1 02:58:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7neg0q/sexual_abuse_and_eds/
So I dunno. I saw this song on my feed and it's quite good. And the girl in the striped shirt looks anorexic to me and it just got me thinking like. Idk. I've been sexually abused. And I know EDs aren't caused by sexual abuse but it's such a big like, trigger I guess. Sort of sets it off or makes it worse. Anyways. Here's the link.


[Rant/Rave] I literally spent my last minutes of 2017 b/ping.
Created: Mon Jan 1 01:56:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ne9ei/i_literally_spent_my_last_minutes_of_2017_bping/

[Other] New Year’s Resolutions
/u/Toothflossie [5'9" | 96lbs | 14.2 bmi]
Created: Mon Jan 1 01:10:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ne3w6/new_years_resolutions/
Guys I just ate a cupcake (on top of chili and alcohol) and I feel okay with it. I’ve been purging every day for the past year+.
My goal for this year is to get over myself, stop purging, and gain 15lbs. Hopefully this is a good start. (:

I’m also a little tipsy right now. Happy New Years!! :D

[Discussion] Anyone else starting the year off with a fast?
/u/BrabyBusiness [5'1|110lbs|25F 🦂]
Created: Mon Jan 1 00:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ne1gf/anyone_else_starting_the_year_off_with_a_fast/
This might be the first New Years Eve where I haven't stuffed my face and I feel like this is the perfect set up. I havent had anything to eat and we are almost 3 hours into the new year. It's been like 10 years that I've been making my new years resolution to stop being such a fatass and I'm feeling good things about this year.

Anyone else feel like they'll lose all the weight and suddenly be the most happy, perfect, person ever?! Yeah....me too.

Best diet plans: seeking suggestions
/u/Sweetparamour2 [171cm | 56kg | 19bmi | 3kg | Female]
Created: Mon Jan 1 00:43:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ne0mw/best_diet_plans_seeking_suggestions/

Created: Sun Dec 31 23:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ndnd4/happy_new_years_i_hate_that_alcohol_has_calories/

[Rant/Rave] Happy New Year. I’m freaking out.
/u/accordingtoging [5'9" | 135 | 19.5 | -40 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 22:34:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ndizb/happy_new_year_im_freaking_out/
I was so excited to spend the holiday with my boyfriend. I didn’t even care that we weren’t doing anything, just getting food and then hanging in a hotel room. I wasn’t even freaking about food. We got Chinese, and I ate whatever I wanted.

And then the conversation landed on a person he is friends with whom I don’t like (I have not outwardly expressed this dislike to him, so I don’t blame him for bringing her up), so I shut down, stopped eating, and ended up running to the bathroom to purge. Two girls heard me and ran out. I don’t even give a fuck. I don’t think my boyfriend knew what I was doing, but he also has a tendency to avoid confronting my purging.

We got back to the hotel, I was feeling better, he ordered a lava cake for us to split. I was excited about chocolate but anxious about how I would feel afterward mentally. I was okay, though the thought of purging was in the back of my mind. Ended up on the bed with me laying across him. He eventually had to ask me to get off. This wasn’t his fault, but I immediately was mortified and started freaking out. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I weighed and how I was so fat I was crushing him and how I need to make myself light enough to fucking float so he’s never crushed by my body again.

He could tell I was weird, but I wouldn’t say anything. He eventually fell asleep half an hour before midnight. I didn’t even wait for the ball to drop before shutting everything off and curling into a ball. But I couldn’t sleep, so now I’m wandering around the hotel, trying to get enough steps in to make up for the food I couldn’t purge and trying not to cry. Why can’t I just have a normal night with my boyfriend?? Why the fuck does this disordered bullshit have to ruin everything??? I’m so upset and I want to cry while he holds me, but I can’t.

Sorry, I just needed to vent before I exploded. Thanks.

[Other] To those who feel that you should be "over it" but still in the midst of it
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 22:29:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ndi2p/to_those_who_feel_that_you_should_be_over_it_but/
you aren't alone. Thank you for posting because it makes those who feel too "old for this" feel like we aren't alone and that we shouldn't be ashamed of our struggles. ED doesn't discriminate on anything as you all know.

and to those younger, you aren't alone either. I hope you know that EDs aren't a phase--it may change form but it's pretty much like wrestling with a boggart or dementor in life I suppose

No judgin, and no competition, just pure diamond hard support to all.

secret eaters makes me hungry
/u/gross9876 [5' 3" | 120 | 21.6 | not a girl]
Created: Sun Dec 31 22:00:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ndd3j/secret_eaters_makes_me_hungry/

[Tip] If you’re going to purge tonight...
Created: Sun Dec 31 21:42:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ndadn/if_youre_going_to_purge_tonight/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling a restrictive phase coming on again
/u/booger-burger69 [5'3 | CW: 117lbs | UGW 100lbs | -18lbs | 21F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 21:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nd7mr/feeling_a_restrictive_phase_coming_on_again/
I had plans with my two coworkers/friends for a couple weeks now to go downtown for NYE and party. I don’t have a car right now so I get super excited when I get to get out of the house and have fun with my friends like I used to. The friend who lives near me was supposed to pick me up on her way to our other friend who lives close to downtown. I bought new black thigh high boots to wear with a sparkly sweater I got for christmas, and some pregame liquor for us to share.

I confirmed plans this afternoon then started getting ready. My makeup turned out amazing, my hair looked awesome, and my outfit was amazing too. I asked when my friend was coming to get me and she said “I’ll let you know”.

Hours go by and she just stopped responding to our texts in the group chat and my phone calls. She’s notoriously flakey like this, so we just assumed she didn’t want to come and called it a night. I’m guessing her and her boyfriend got in a huge fight or something.

This year has been complete shit for me and I was looking forward to this night out for weeks, hoping to end the year on a good note. I was so upset I just sat down on my bedroom floor and sobbed so hard I was violently shaking. Then I self harmed for the first time in more than five years.

I have been in recovery mode for weeks now, I just started eating normally again after a month of heavy restricting.... but now I can tell I’ve relapsed because of this. Something so stupid and trivial caused me to relapse into restricting AND self harm, something I haven’t done since early high school. I feel completely out of control and alone.

Happy nye proed
Created: Sun Dec 31 21:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nd6aw/happy_nye_proed/

[Discussion] ED Shower thoughts thread
/u/antelsa [5'11" | F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 20:27:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ncysd/ed_shower_thoughts_thread/
Let’s share some ED shower thoughts. I’ll go first.

—I wonder if Halo Top and companies that sell laxatives have a part of their sales team that focuses on marketing to people with eating disorders

—Learning what calories are and the caloric content of different foods is the ultimate “once you see it, you can’t unsee it”

What are yours?

ABC diet and your experience with results.
/u/Sweetparamour2 [171cm | 56kg | 19bmi | 3kg | Female]
Created: Sun Dec 31 19:43:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ncrqr/abc_diet_and_your_experience_with_results/

[Help] EC stacking and alcohol?
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|HW:150|CW:147|LW:113|GW:125 |F| ]
Created: Sun Dec 31 19:33:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ncpyd/ec_stacking_and_alcohol/
Is this okay? Has anyone stacked and drank heavily with it? Just trying to make sure I wake up tomorrow lol

[Help] I’ve been getting a lot of nosebleeds as of recently. Is this a sign of something wrong?
Created: Sun Dec 31 18:54:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ncj6r/ive_been_getting_a_lot_of_nosebleeds_as_of/

[Help] What’s my disorder ??
Created: Sun Dec 31 18:38:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ncge9/whats_my_disorder/

[Intro] Hello again
Created: Sun Dec 31 17:57:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nc8oy/hello_again/
I've decided to come back here after completely struggling in 2017 with my mental health alone.

I found this place two years ago and was an active user, and I'm sure that most of the people I interacted with have left, but I recognise at least 4 mod names and can only say good things about them.

Some may think it's a silly thing to come here when I know that I want my mental health to improve in the new year, but to be honest I was happy being here and received more support than even my therapist.

I hope this post is okay. Some of the people I've met in this sub have been more caring and supportive to me than absolutely anyone in my life. I hope 2018 turns out how I want, for me and everyone here- that's all I can say. Thank you for listening.

[Rant/Rave] Drunk af and super anxious, 2018 has begun amazingly...
/u/ShouNinja [170cm | CW 56kg | BMI 19.32 | GW 48kg | 20F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 17:29:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nc3j0/drunk_af_and_super_anxious_2018_has_begun/

[Rant/Rave] Can we talk about how lonely and isolating these diseases are? Melting here
Created: Sun Dec 31 16:18:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nbq2e/can_we_talk_about_how_lonely_and_isolating_these/
I spend my whole day trying to avoid food and therefore only thinking about it. By 4pm all I want to do is sleep, so I can reset my intake the next day (and also there is the eternal optimism of a morning weigh-in). Avoid a social life because of food temptation and hide from my spouse for the same reasons. Jfc. Happy 2018. :/

[Goal] Struggling with my calorie goals
Created: Sun Dec 31 15:55:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nblqo/struggling_with_my_calorie_goals/
I got a Fitbit a few weeks ago. After inputting all my data(age, sex, weight, height, etc) it automatically came up with daily goals for me. One of the goals was the amount of calories I should strive to burn everyday- 2,300 to be exact. That amount includes my BMR though so, roughly 1200 calories of that 2,300 are being burnt off by my body just functioning. It's up to me to physically work off and burn the remaining 1,100(give or take).

At first, I didn't think it would be that difficult to do. I work out twice a day at moderate intensity, making sure I keep my heart rate in the "target zone" the whole time. I also am on my feet the entire time I'm at work, walking around, going up and down steps, and lifting and moving heavy items around. I should be burning off those calories easy peasy, right?

But, nope. There are plenty of days where I'm several hundred calories below my goal. Some days I barely make my goal just before the cutoff time. By the time I get off work, I usually have about 600-700 calories remaining that I need to burn off. I only have 35-45 minutes after work to workout before I have to go do other stuff. How am I suppose burn off 700 calories in less than an hour??

The reason why this frustrates me so much is because *I'm* not the one who set the calorie goal. If I was the one who set the goal, I would probably be able to step back and realize that I set an unrealistic and unobtainable goal for myself and should lower my expectations. However, the goal was set automatically by Fitbit. So, 2,300 is obviously considered a reasonable and healthy goal that the general population can be expected to burn off everyday. But I'm struggling to do it myself. It makes me so disappointed and frustrated with myself. Does that make any sense?

It's gotten to the point now where I'll only let myself eat after I reach the calorie burned goal. It's the only way I can motivate myself to try as hard as I can to reach the goal. Every night I eat at like 11pm now.lol.

Any other Fitbit or other fitness tracker users here? Do you struggle to meet your calorie goal or is it a breeze for you?

[Rant/Rave] Post new year’s feast rant and rave
/u/gciv_072 [Height 178cm | CW 55kg | CBMI 17,5 | GW 45kg | GBMI 14 | 18F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 15:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nbl7w/post_new_years_feast_rant_and_rave/
So, we don’t really celebrate Christmas where I live. New Year is the main holiday instead, and it’s generally associated with nationwide binging on mayo salads, cake, and lots of alcohol.
Tonight was my worst binge ever, probably more than 6000 cals. I ate a record amount of cake, cookies and mayo salads and drank way too much wine. I was celebrating with my oblivious grandmother (I don’t have friends obviously) whom I haven’t seen since summer, and she was HAPPY her girl gotten some “feminine curves” and ate like a “normal person”. She grew up during WW2 and is a survivor of a siege, her relationship with food is totally understandable but still, it’s so fucking messed up and offensive and just triggers me to drink and eat more, here the cycle repeats. I’m really sick and drunk and miserable and can’t even think properly.
I’ve been binging (anywhere from 1500 to 5000+) literally every day since early October. Consequently, I’ve gained 10 kg, ruined my sleep pattern, entirely failed the semester, started purging again, quit purging again, got depressed and attempted to restrict about 10 times.
I can’t do this anymore. Tomorrow’s sugar and alcohol hangovers are going to be brutal, so are the cravings, and all the remaining food and booze sitting in my fridge def don’t make it easier.
I need to stop self-harming. I still have dreams to fight for. 2018 is gonna be a better year.

TL;DR: bingy girl binged again and lowkey doesn’t want to live

[Help] Really Need Responses!!!
Created: Sun Dec 31 15:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nbj6p/really_need_responses/

[Discussion] reassurance?
Created: Sun Dec 31 15:22:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nbfaq/reassurance/

[Rant/Rave] I don't deserve food.
/u/spacekookiyo [5"4 | CW: the fat friend | -25 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 14:40:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nb73c/i_dont_deserve_food/
Found out today that my ex and the girl he's been seeing have made it official. Super crushed since we left things open ended like there was a possibility of revisiting things once he worked on his own issues. And yes, she's skinnier than me. Great motivator that I don't deserve food because I don't deserve love.

Everyone is starting 2018 all positive and I'm over here like "I give up."

[Other] I want to see what others look like with similar stats
Created: Sun Dec 31 14:00:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nayue/i_want_to_see_what_others_look_like_with_similar/

[Discussion] [discussion] It’s been awhile since I've posted here, but I kinda relapsed.
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Sun Dec 31 13:29:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7nasfz/discussion_its_been_awhile_since_ive_posted_here/
It really made me remember why I started my journey of recovery in the first place. The obsession, the time sink, the tiredness, all of it.. I’m not posting to tell others to recover. I just want to share.. I guess I caught myself in time. I’m back on track again.. now.. I’m fact I’m proud of myself and my recovery.. I want this.. but it was scary how easy and natural restriction felt.. I didn’t even consciously think about it.. it was just a slip.. like a safe dark hole.. that you are constantly skirting.. it’s kinda like that part of you never really goes away... and at any moment.. you could just.. fall in.. and youre so comfortable in the dark.. it feels like home.

[Rant/Rave] I'm done
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 57.5 kg | -26 kg | 22F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 12:24:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7naety/im_done/
I want to cry right now. The only thing that's keeping me from doing it is the knowledge that I'll always start hyperventilating along with the crying and I still have to leave the house today.

What happend?
Knowing I would meet my friends and have cheese fondue for NYE today I thought of not eating until then. But I ended up already having consumed 550 cals by 2 am and I just kept eating. I think I already ate 3 days worth of cals. But that wasn't even the breaking point. I thought I could make it all up the following week with fasting and restricting <500.
BUT the car had to break down!
Well, as I went on my way to meet my friends the car broke down not even 10m away from my house. It was my mom's car since I don't have my own. It's most probably the steering wheel that broke and obviously that's beyond my control right? Mom is pissed but not at me and of course she didn't blame me since it wasn't my fault.
-> my stupid ass self still feels like I'm at fault and that makes me feel horrible.

And now my friend is even coming to pick me up and that's a 30 minute drive here and another 30 minutes back because I have no other way to get there. She's so unbelievable nice to me and I can only think that I don't deserve it.

I feel so ridiculously aweful and I'm done with everything. I just want to think like a normal person but I guess that's impossible?

I really hope that the sweethearts that managed to read this far have a better start into the new year.

[Help] Parents are forcing my recovery right as I’m relapsing
Created: Sun Dec 31 12:05:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7naavz/parents_are_forcing_my_recovery_right_as_im/

[Help] need support
/u/sammythekitten [5'0" | 117.7lbs | 24.21 | 5 lbs | f]
Created: Sun Dec 31 11:43:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7na61i/need_support/

[Rant/Rave] Pregnant and spiraling
Created: Sun Dec 31 11:28:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7na2oe/pregnant_and_spiraling/
20 weeks into a very wanted and planned pregnancy and I’m breaking. I’ve been able to push my ED thoughts back until now because I know realistically I need to nourish my body to have a healthy baby but I’m cracking. This morning I grabbed my SOs phone to check our bank accounts because I wanted to do some budgeting before we went grocery shopping and ran some other errands today. I opened his phone and he must have fallen asleep looking at porn and forgot to close it. It’s not the porn I’m upset about, I really don’t care if he watches porn. I’m just fucking insecure and the subreddit he was looking at had nothing but stick thin women. I’m a fucking whale right now. I lost weight before getting pregnant but was still overweight and my net gain so far this pregnancy is only 6lbs but I know I’m huge. I just can’t help but feel disgusting. It’s 130 and I haven’t even eaten yet today. I can’t bring myself to put more food into my body. I know I’ll be fine if I don’t eat today because I’m already so overweight but eventually I’ll need to eat. My baby needs me to eat. I just feel like such shit. My boobs are so big I can only buy bras online, my back fat is fucking atrocious and my legs and face are so puffy. I’m just over this. I’m too embarrassed to even bring it up to him. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to the end of this pregnancy without losing my mind.

[Discussion] December 31st, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 11:15:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n9zy1/december_31st_2017_question_of_the_day/
What is your most cherished memory from this year?

Happy new year everyone, I hope everybody can find some light in the past year, even though it may have been a dark time for some of you. I wish everyone the best in the year to come. ❤️

[Discussion] Other adults who should “know better”?
Created: Sun Dec 31 11:02:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n9x0i/other_adults_who_should_know_better/
I’m married, three kids, generally successful yet I’ve never kicked this mentality. Anyone else? It’s a bit frustrating, mostly disappointing.

I got better for a while, then I had my last child and gained weight. I tried to be “healthy” but apparently healthy just equals fat, and I can’t handle being seen as a fat person. I feel like anyone who meets me, who didn’t know me from before the last baby should see pics of me thin so that they KNOW I’m not a “fat person” how fucked is that?

Here I am again, almost 29, bronkaid on the way, full on zero calorie flavored water, caffeine pills and hydroxycut. It’s like I’m 13 again 😫

Anyone sadly in this club with me ?

[Goal] It’s 2018 here
/u/flightlesspotato [5'5 | CW: 123 | 20.3]
Created: Sun Dec 31 10:48:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n9u56/its_2018_here/
And I’m going to lose 22 pounds before I go to college in September.

What are your goals this year?

Edit: wow I only expected maybe 10 comments and I can’t reply to all of you but all the best to everyone in completing their goals!!

I’ve come up with a few more goals for myself too after getting inspired by everyone’s replies.

- Take N1 of the JLPT in July
- Pick up French or Spanish
- Resume learning Korean
- Brush up my Chinese
- Actually make friends in college and not hole myself up to rot
- Read all the books that are on my reading list
- Save up enough money to take a trip to Australia

[Help] I’ve gained weight?
/u/arandomnamebcimlazy [5’6| CW: 133| BMI: 21.5|-93| Female|]
Created: Sun Dec 31 10:38:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n9rwp/ive_gained_weight/

[Help] What are “safe foods”?
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 10:07:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n9lc9/what_are_safe_foods/
I’m sorry if this is totally obvious, but I’m not sure what it means. Are they foods you can have in the house that you don’t think you’ll binge on? Or foods that you can eat that are low in calories (not for bingeing) or both? I see a lot of safe food comments and am not quite sure of the meaning. Thank youuuu!

[Help] I’ve been found out.
Created: Sun Dec 31 09:18:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n9apf/ive_been_found_out/
I have never mentioned ED to ANYONE. I just can’t talk about it. Even my husband doesn’t know. We work different schedules, so it’s honestly not hard to hide binges and easy to get away with straight up not eating for long stretches. It seems like every couple of years I gain or lose like 50-70 pounds. People just assume I’m a yo-yo dieter and congratulate me on weight loss.

I have this coworker that I always go to for life advice, dealing with my mom, and also nutrition and health issues because she’s really into that, but not in an insane way. She’s the type of person who worries about weird stuff in vaccines, but has her son vaccinated anyway because that’s obviously the best choice. She’s generally just very sane person and I trust the advice she gives me.

I’ve never mentioned my ED to her...not restricting or binging. I’ve gained a bit a weight back recently. Maybe 10 pounds, but I was very thin so I’m legitimately haven’t freaked out that much about it. She asked me to lunch. I declined because I was legitimately too busy and she said, “Are you back to not eating then?”

I was shocked. This is the first time in my 15+ years of this effed up relationship with food that anyone has said anything to me about it (other than weight loss compliments). Wtf. This woman is insightful as shit.

I went back to my office and shed a few tears. Not like crazy crying, but I couldn’t help it. I don’t know if I was upset because she figured me out or happy that someone finally did.

[Rant/Rave] Wtf aunt flow?!
/u/light_as_a_feather04 [5'6 | 106 | 17.0 | GW: 98| 34/F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 08:59:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n96sk/wtf_aunt_flow/
So last month I didn’t get my period. I thought it was due to weight loss but nope. She’s here today 😩. My mother said she’s surprised I still get my period... why can’t this bitch leave me alone?

Of course in my fucked up head, I’m thinking “I’m not sick enough or thin enough”

Add me on peach @“light_as_feather04”

Edit: On Mobile. Please flair as rant

[Rant/Rave] "If you lose weight healthily.... like you've been,"
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 08:43:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n93l9/if_you_lose_weight_healthily_like_youve_been/
Which one do you want? Me to lose weight in a healthy way? Or like I've been? Cause I'm leaning towards like I've been which... isn't healthy in the slightest.

My fiancee can be so dense. I was looking at pinup swimsuits, the ones that have high wasted bottoms which hides my stomach that just won't dissapear. And he springs that on me. 😧

[Rant/Rave] For the New Year...
/u/dahee3697 [154cm | CW: 58.9 | GW: 52 | F | 19]
Created: Sun Dec 31 08:28:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n90rg/for_the_new_year/
Trying to eat healthier for the new year. I'm not gonna give myself today to let myself go and binge just because "I'll start fresh tomorrow, it's January 1st." Which I've done in the past and just made it harder for me. I want to get better. I want to lose weight and achieve my body goals the healthy way. I want to eat enough calories and exercise and have my shit together, not be thinking about this eating disorder bullshit all the time. I don't want to feel weak and tired all the time or have my hair falling out and nails breaking constantly or make it hard on myself to be in social settings just because food is involved. I'm so tired of it all. Whether or not your goal is the road to recovery or to continue with their weight loss plans, I wish everyone love, safety and the best in the new year in whatever their endeavor may be! Bless you all!

[Rant/Rave] Restriction is all I (don't) have
Created: Sun Dec 31 07:39:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n8rq8/restriction_is_all_i_dont_have/
Hi guys. Well, I think it's safe to say that I'm fully relapsed. Went from a BMI of 22 to 19 in a semester and I'm now, somehow after the holiday, slightly underweight (5'4", 107 lbs). Unfortunately, I can't stop losing. I eat one meal a day, and some nibbling, and average around 1000-1200 while being active on the side. I love my thinness-- I've reached my aesthetic goals. But I can't stop. For some reason it's not enough. I guess now my "recovery " is alternating restriction with some moderately high intake once a week to balance it out. But I also want to lose MORE. My doctor is monitoring me, though, so its like???

I have severe OCD. I was recently hospitalized because I was worrying so much about something happening and doing the wrong thing I figured I might as well die. I almost OD'd on barbiturates and sleeping pills. Hospitalization did nothing because I was panicking the entire time and they just treated me like a criminal. I'm on medication for anxiety that isn't even working but I'm not worried about weight gain because I'm not even eating anything on it.

My mom took [these](https://imgur.com/a/WOwBj) pictures of me the other day and told me to never gain weight. I don't think she realizes I'm underweight. I don't think anyone realizes how sick I am because all they can do is congratulate me on my weight loss.

So I'll continue to be fragile and chronically anemic and faint upon standing. Because nothing else works. Only when I restrict do I feel ease and control, because I can't control anything else.

[Rant/Rave] I redownloaded myfitnesspal
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: prob 137, afraid of scale | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 07:29:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n8q35/i_redownloaded_myfitnesspal/
And with my post-Christmas binge, mid-shark week weight of 139.6 this morning, I have still lost 1.2 pounds this month.

The way I’m trying to look at it is, I lost weight. During December. During the hardest time of the year to lose weight. Most normal people gain 5-10 pounds in December, and I’m even on day 3 of my period, so I know 139.6 isn’t totally real.

I am telling myself this so that I can be okay with it. It’s 3 pounds higher than I was before Christmas, but it’s down overall for the month and that’s a good thing.

[Discussion] what are your cheapest safe foods?
/u/mazzy___ [5'9" | 150 | 21.75 | GW: 120 | UGW: 110]
Created: Sun Dec 31 07:08:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n8mrl/what_are_your_cheapest_safe_foods/

Created: Sun Dec 31 06:33:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n8hh1/meirl/

[Discussion] Youtube accounts to follow?
/u/321Model [5'4| CW: 190 | GW: 150 | 30's/F]
Created: Sun Dec 31 06:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n8dck/youtube_accounts_to_follow/
I just started following Christie Unger thanks to this sub. She's fabulous! Any other recommendations?

[Goal] No goal weight
Created: Sun Dec 31 05:34:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n89lp/no_goal_weight/
Hey guys,

I've been lurking this subreddit for quite a while now and I would like to ask you something.

Does anyone else doesn't have a gw? I started last year to loose a little bit of weight from 59 kg to get to my gw of 55 kg. Today I was at 48 kg and actually I don't know where I wanna be or at what weight I gonna stop my journey. I keep telling myself that I just want to maintain this weight but whenever the scale drops I'm so fucking Happy that I don't stop at all 😣 I don't know why I keep loosing because I'm now quite okay with my body and I am at my lowest adult weight ever (all in all I did lose around 30 kg to my highest weight)
Just wondering if someone else doesn't have a real 'goal'.

Anybody go from about 150 lb to 100 lb ?
Created: Sun Dec 31 05:18:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n87qd/anybody_go_from_about_150_lb_to_100_lb/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 31, 2017
Created: Sun Dec 31 05:11:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n86xw/daily_food_diary_december_31_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for December 31, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Dec 31 05:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n86u4/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

[Rant/Rave] 60lbs gone since October, not good enough but it's something at least and I've proved to myself I CAN do it if I really want to
Created: Sun Dec 31 04:19:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n80xy/60lbs_gone_since_october_not_good_enough_but_its/

[Discussion] What is your formula for your best body?
Created: Sun Dec 31 03:09:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7t6d/what_is_your_formula_for_your_best_body/

[Other] Here's to 2017 and all the other years that made us feel less than
Created: Sun Dec 31 03:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7t2i/heres_to_2017_and_all_the_other_years_that_made/
***I try so hard to avoid reading this sub because I'm in the process of recovery and I can relate all-too-well with the real pain of EDs that surfaces here. Despite this, I am drawn back to using it as an outlet to heal and hopefully find peace within myself. You all are so brave and, more powerfully, so honest. I wrote this when I was reflecting back on the year 2017. I hope you can relate.***

I piece together my tattered soul. I have given everything and nothing all at once, simultaneously trying too hard and too little. This was not always the world I knew. Ignorance used to be my unsung friend, protecting me from the ravishes of adulthood.

Now I look in the mirror and see two versions of myself: my past and my future. I can see the pain and experience etched into my furrowed brow, and I can see so clearly the person I aspire to be. But, both my eyes and my soul lack the ability to perceive my present. Acknowledging my present means I have to face what I am: weak, flawed, and, most painfully, human.

2017 was the year I realized I had a problem. Here's to moving on from this year that was so painful for so many of us. Whether that pain emanated from turbulent politics, broken familial relationships, or inner struggles, I look forward to a 2018 that isn't necessarily perfect but better. We get to decide what that 'better' is.

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." - John Steinbeck

[Rant/Rave] I just shared my eating disorder past with my bf
Created: Sun Dec 31 02:06:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7lwx/i_just_shared_my_eating_disorder_past_with_my_bf/
I’ve only shared it with one other person and that was my best friend like four years ago. I only told him because I trust him so fucking much and I love him. He was the first guy I ever had sex with which was a big deal for me because of all of my insecurities. He wasn’t a virgin which I didn’t mind, he told me he had sex with his last girlfriend, that was it. One person. Well his best friend is back in town right now and apparently they were talking and his friend asked if he had told me about the girl he hooked up with while drunk this summer before we started dating. He claims he had totally forgotten until his friend brought it up. He told me tonight and I just feel so hurt and lied to. I just trusted him with the biggest secret in my life and he lied to me about how many people he’s had sex with. I love him so much and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should end things or not. I don’t want to throw away something that’s so special to me. But I also don’t know if I can ever trust him after this.
Thanks for listening I just didn’t know who else to talk to about this...

[Discussion] DAE feel like they're wasting their life if they're not losing
/u/carlisam9797 [5'2" 19F | CW 119 | SW 130 | GW 105 | UGW 99]
Created: Sun Dec 31 02:00:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7lac/dae_feel_like_theyre_wasting_their_life_if_theyre/
2018 will be the year I turn 20 and I'm scared shitless. I don't want to waste a minute of it weighing a pound over 105. every time I settle at a normal weight (me now) I freak out at the thought that one day, even if I do lose the weight I've been dreaming of for nearly a decade, i will be too old for it to really matter. I'm hard wired to this idea that my 20s will be the peak of my young adult life, the time when I attend the most parties, the time when I travel the world taking photos, the time when men shower me with gifts, the time when I attract my husband, the time when I apply for law school and my first jobs. The 9 months between now and September are essentially my last chance to lose this weight (and not immediately fucking gain it back) before I'm officially wasting the best years of my life.

This Will Probably Stick With Me For A Long Damn Time [TW: Suicide Idealization]
Created: Sun Dec 31 01:55:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7kp9/this_will_probably_stick_with_me_for_a_long_damn/

[Discussion] Does anyone take diet pills? If so, what are they and do they help?
Created: Sun Dec 31 01:35:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7icv/does_anyone_take_diet_pills_if_so_what_are_they/

[Rant/Rave] Mini Rant about my Meds
Created: Sat Dec 30 23:45:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n7450/mini_rant_about_my_meds/
Hello all. This is my first post here (or anywhere). I really need to share my frustration with someone and I can only share so much with friends and family before they start to worry about it.
First, some backstory. I'm 5'6 (don't know how to do the info flair) and currently 136 pounds. I had been down to 114 this summer with a goal of 100 by the end of the year. I was making good progress until my depression meds changed. I started gaining instantly. I also started craving, as Carrie Fisher once said "Salad...Chocolate. Salad". It's made a big impact on my psyche. It's much harder to say no to food than it was before. I feel so big all the time. I don't really know what I hope to gain from this. Support? Something like that, I guess. I'm going to start logging my calories here daily to keep me accountable. Thanks for lending an ear.

[Help] Tips on how to dress for layers and still look cute?
Created: Sat Dec 30 23:36:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n72uj/tips_on_how_to_dress_for_layers_and_still_look/
I can't seem to layer clothes and be warm enough without looking bulky and gross. I'm ok with wearing long socks + leggings + sweatpants on bottom, but whenever I layer my tops it's a disaster. I already have broad shoulders and a broad torso so even without clothes I look unproportionatly huge on top and it's 10x worse when i add bulky clothes or multiple layers. Do you guys have any tips or inspiration for warm winter looks that won't make me look gross?

[Rant/Rave] Binged again
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 110 | 19.5 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 23:30:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n722n/binged_again/

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend said he's noticed I've "gained a bit of weight".
/u/candywife_ [5'6 | sw: 150 | gw: 100]
Created: Sat Dec 30 23:18:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n709a/boyfriend_said_hes_noticed_ive_gained_a_bit_of/
I don't want to demonize him, I kind of just kept whittling it out of him tonight because it's been a bad holiday season and I've been stressed. I kind of almost wanted to hear him say it, I don't know. He told me he "didn't mind it" (kill me now) and that I'm still his ideal. But fuckkkkk. And although I'm not mad at him, and it's obviously something I know (I weigh myself relentlessly), I can't help feeling like utter fucking shit. I feel so low. We're supposed to go out for NYE with friends and all I'm going to be thinking about is how much of a cow I look.

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else ruin everything over Christmas?
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 22:52:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n6w5x/anyone_else_ruin_everything_over_christmas/
I'm spiralling. I'm constantly craving food and sugar. Everytime I pass myself in the mirror I look like a swallowed a balloon. Before Christmas I was starting to look great. Cute little thigh gap going...now I look like I'm 3 months pregnant...which it adds insult to injury.

I didn't calorie count over Christmas so I don't even know if how I feel is justified. Did I eat horribly? Do I even understand what is a horrible amount of food anymore?

Why can't I fast anymore? 😱😱😱

[Rant/Rave] Lazy review: Vegan Oatmeal Cookie Halo Top
Created: Sat Dec 30 22:32:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n6t9g/lazy_review_vegan_oatmeal_cookie_halo_top/
Okay, so I ate this like weeks ago but kept putting off reviewing it here cause I wanted to write out something nice and thoughtful.

But I'm never gonna do that so here's this instead.

Buy Vegan Oatmeal Cookie Halo Top.

It's really good. Way better than the Sea Salt Caramel or Peanut Butter Cup.

[Rant/Rave] Trying to find a cocktail dress that doesn’t make me look like an envelope or a preteen
/u/penny2cents [5'11" | 115.6 lbs | 16.1 BMI | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 22:02:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n6oam/trying_to_find_a_cocktail_dress_that_doesnt_make/
Not sure what to flair, either rant or advice, I guess.

I have a fancy (legit fancy, the guy is a fucking billionaire) cocktail party to go to tomorrow night. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find dresses that fit me properly? I’m tall af and a size 00-0 in most stores. I’ve tried all the big department stores, plus Ann Taylor and a few other shops, but I can’t seem to find any dresses for thin women that don’t make me look like a rectangle. When y’all need legit nice clothes, where do you go? I don’t want to look like a kid trying on my mums dresses, but a lot of the other options are WAAAAAY short and I end up looking like a skank.

Honestly, I don’t know where else to post this because I don’t need/want people telling me to gain weight or something.

[Rant/Rave] New and exciting ways to feel guilty about eating
/u/Strawberry2point0 [5'8" | CW: 159 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | 21M]
Created: Sat Dec 30 20:29:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n67j9/new_and_exciting_ways_to_feel_guilty_about_eating/
Storytime, I guess!

Today was supposed to be a nice bit of family bonding over the holidays, with my mother and I going out to the mall together. We both got new glasses frames from a fancy place that gave us individual "goody bags" with glass cleaner, cloths, etc. - they also informed us that each bag came with a handful of candy. My thoughts are, well, I could do without the calories. But fuck it, it's almost the new year, I won't be harsh on myself!

The store calls my mother after we've paid, left, and are shopping in a different area of the mall; apparently they'd rung up her charge incorrectly, and they needed her to come back so they could fix it. No big deal. She heads back there while I keep shopping. We had multiple bags at this point, so she took both of our bags from the glasses store, while I hold onto our other stuff.

We finish shopping, get home, and I take my glasses-store-bag into my room. The handful of candy they put in there was pretty generous; there's two mini reeses cups, two mini butterfingers, and a peppermint truffle. I eat them without too much angsting because, hey, I haven't had breakfast or lunch. Yay.

Then things get weird. A few minutes later my mom demands to know if I ate 'her candy.' Apparently, when she went back to the store, she took a bunch of extra candy from the bowl on the counter and stuffed it into *my* bag. When I explained that yeah, I ate the candy that was in my bag, she proceeded to whine and yell. (She throws tantrums about 80% of things, so this isn't new, but it's always unpleasant.) After all, I should have *known* it was her candy, reeses are *her* favorite!

It sounds stupid and ridiculous when I write it out, but dammit, for once I enjoyed eating a bit of junk food without guilt. And then that had to go and be robbed from me, too. :/

[Other] [HUMOUR] When you're out of food to eat - The Choice Between Eating Old Cake Or Anxiety
/u/Cheskaz [5'8 | CW 148lbs | GW 110lbs]
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:54:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n618a/humour_when_youre_out_of_food_to_eat_the_choice/

[Help] How do you subsist on very low calorie diets?
/u/itzybitzysodapop [5'2|CW:134|GW:98|HW:158|19F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:54:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n6167/how_do_you_subsist_on_very_low_calorie_diets/

[Other] When you're out of food to binge: "The Choice Between Eating Old Cake Or Anxiety"
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:53:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n610b/when_youre_out_of_food_to_binge_the_choice/

[Rant/Rave] Told myself I wouldn’t worry about what I ate tonight...
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:44:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5zg5/told_myself_i_wouldnt_worry_about_what_i_ate/
While at dinner at chili’s, I told myself I would forget about keto and calorie restriction and everything and ate a delicious, but obnoxiously calorie filled meal. I thought, you know just like everyone has said I can work this off within a week or so. And so worry free, it made me SO HAPPY to eat and be full! I didn’t feel bad at all. So I went grocery shopping after and treated myself with a peppermint mocha from Starbucks, still feeling good. I was having a lot of fun with my partner tonight, but then I said I wanted to buy pie and we got in a fight. At dinner he told me he missed eating with me and he wanted to go back to the way things were when we first started dating (when I was binging 3000+ calories everyday), but then at the store he said I should buy my low cal/keto foods, then he said that pie wasn’t on the list and that I shouldn’t have pie, BUT THEN said that I can do whatever I want (of course with a snotty tone) and THEN said that I can make bad choices. I feel like I get conflicting messages from him and now I feel even worse about binging because we got in a fight over it. UGH. He was like, “do you have to be so extreme with everything? Can’t you just eat in moderation?”—talking about the calorie restriction/binging cycle that I do. And it’s like NO I HAVE A PROBLEM WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT. Blahhhhh, now I’m in a shitty mood and I don’t even want the fucking pie or to eat ever again.

[Rant/Rave] Thigh Progress
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5wyo/thigh_progress/

[Other] am i fat because i hate myself or do i hate myself because i’m fat?
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8” |cw:247 |-28lbs |20F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:26:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5w48/am_i_fat_because_i_hate_myself_or_do_i_hate/

[Discussion] What are your favourite low calorie vegetarian/vegan recipes, apps, accounts and websites?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:20:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5v5p/what_are_your_favourite_low_calorie/
In the new year, I’m looking to start eating mainly vegan/vegetarian, and ease into that lifestyle. I will consume fish/dairy/possibly other meat 2 days out of 7 per week, and the rest will be plant based.

What are some good low calorie recipes, apps with low cal recipes and websites, YouTube channels or instagrams or any other forms of getting recipes that you guys recommend?


[Rant/Rave] If I don’t get help I’m going to lose everything that’s important to me
/u/oneblueboot [5' 7.5" | CW 122 lbs | GW 112 | 18.8 | 26 F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 19:18:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5uru/if_i_dont_get_help_im_going_to_lose_everything/
I lost 20 pounds in a month. I’m about five pounds away from being underweight, and I can already tell that I’m making myself really sick. I have no energy. I can’t sleep. My heart alternates between racing palpitations and pulsing along weakly at 50 beats a minute. My skin is sallow and my eyes are always puffy and my hair is dry as straw and I am SO. FUCKING. COLD. all the damn time.

If I don’t stop, I’m going to put myself in the hospital sooner or later. My boyfriend is well on his way of being thoroughly done with my shit, and I feel like a hospitalization would push him over the edge of realizing that it’s not his job to deal with a convalescent, much less one who’s only dying because she’s choosing to. I would have to take a leave from school for a year before being able to resume the didactic coursework, and who knows how well I’d be able to maintain the knowledge I’ve already worked so fucking hard to acquire. I’d have to move back home with my parents, who would end up needing to pay for treatment totally out pocket once I lose my school insurance. My life as I know it would completely disappear.

So cheers to destroying it all for the sake of destroying myself. Or cheers to dying. Whichever happens first.

[Rant/Rave] Not feeling like myself
/u/r0separade [5'5" | CW 112| GW 108 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 18:50:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5pff/not_feeling_like_myself/
I gained 8 lbs over the past few weeks.

I'm so incredibly bummed. I was a little under my flair weight at the beginning of the month, and my period skipped out on me for the first time since I was a young teenager (a success I can’t even relish in because I’m fat now).

Over the holidays, my eating behaviors were put on hold and everything is messed up now -- my routine, my weight/body, my progress, my appetite. The worst part is that I was starting to feel more comfortable with myself, and now I don’t feel like myself at all. It’s like the bigger I am, the less “me” I am.

I still have family in town so it's been hard to get back into my routine. Wish I could have a month completely alone.

YouTube selecting ED related material??
/u/Sweetparamour2 [171cm | 56kg | 19bmi | 3kg | Female]
Created: Sat Dec 30 18:42:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5o23/youtube_selecting_ed_related_material/
So I follow this group and post however this is the only place I ever look at pro ed materials and I am very very cautious to ensure my partner doesn't know.
However my YouTube account (also connected to my household computer) has started adding Proed materials to my suggestion list!
Has anyone experienced this?

I can't purge anymore?
/u/sinflowrr [16F/5'6/CW:117/GW:100]
Created: Sat Dec 30 18:34:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5mgm/i_cant_purge_anymore/

[Rant/Rave] Why does every minor disappointment in my life have to affect me this much?
/u/rainingdeath [1.77m | 54.1 kg + 1000 | 16.87 +1000 | -21.9 kg + 1000 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 17:38:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n5bod/why_does_every_minor_disappointment_in_my_life/
Ugh. Guys. Why am I so dramatic.

Like a guy for 1 day.

Go to party where he's also supposed to be.

Don't see him for a lonnng time (like, an hour). I am way too focused on this, holy shit.

Am just dancing with random people.

Suddenly see him around the corner. He's looking. Heart skips a beat. Was he looking for me?

Finish my dance, go look for him around the corner. Don't see him anymore.

I continue going about my business.

Later that night I see him talk to another girl.

He's been talking to her for a whiiiile tonight. I walked past a few times.

Finally run into him, but he's just leaving the dance floor.

Says hi. He's still with girl. Says we'll have to catch a dance later, he's just going for a drink.

Now on toilet having a small breakdown and writing this.

Want to go home and cry and binge or something. She's skinnier than me too. :( I know that should be a reason for me NOT to eat, but god damn. I don't know how to deal with emotions like a normal human being.

Guys. Why am I like this. This is ridiculous. I barely know this guy. And yet it affects me so strongly. Whyyyy.

Sorry about this post, it doesn't have so much to do with EDs I guess, I just didn't know where else I could vent. :( Sorry if it breaks any rules. :(

**UPDATE**: IT ALL TURNED OUT ALRIGHT IN THE END. When I saw him standing on the sidelines for a moment, I went up and asked him for a dance. Just as we started dancing, someone announced the slow dancing competition was about to start. And then he asked me if I wanted to enter the competition with him! <3

So we did, and we practiced our blues dancing for a while, danced some lindy hop in between, hung out talking for a bit, waiting for the competition to start. We were out after like a song and a half because we're shitty blues dancers, but I don't care!


[Discussion] Who else is having a mental battle deciding whether to gorge themselves tomorrow 'to start fresh' for the new year?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 139.0 | UGW 105 | 25/F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n51o8/who_else_is_having_a_mental_battle_deciding/
I love when the New Year starts on a Monday. It's a wonderful and tidy thing. I'm ready for the new year and have lots of goals I want to reach.

But I'm falling into that stupid trap of 'better eat it now since I won't eat it in 2018'. Enjoy (read gorge) myself tomorrow or continue to restrict?

I haven't eaten anything today except gummy vitamins and I'm not hungry yet. Tomorrow will be a different story. Calculating all the things I want to eat is still under 2500 cals. If I don't eat today, that averages 1400 each for Saturday and Sunday, below my TDEE. Can you hear me convincing myself as a type?

I ideally would like to wake up feeling fresh on Monday and not have a food hangover. So maybe indulge a bit tonight, fast tomorrow, and wake up nice on Monday? Fuck all this sometimes.

[Rant/Rave] Father-in-law ordered 12 lbs of See's Candies *cries*
/u/ParanoidPancreas [5'11" | CW 149.4 | GW 148 | UGW 138 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:48:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n50iv/fatherinlaw_ordered_12_lbs_of_sees_candies_cries/
I live with him... the boxes have been scattered around to various rooms in the house and I can't stop eating them. I want to die :))))

[Intro] A quick intro
/u/tegelstensfika [Height: 156 cm | CW: 44 kg | BMI: 18 | Lost weight: 10 kg | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:34:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4xra/a_quick_intro/

I’ve been lurking in here for a while now and have only posted very few times myself.
My story isn’t very interesting, I had no problems a year ago but after the summer it all went downhill and I lost around 10 kgs in 3 months. This made my parents very worried and they brought me to an eating disorder clinic and I got diagnosed with OSFED. Since then my life has revolved around this hell.

Other than having an eating disorder I play tennis and lurk around on the Internet, in order to find stupid and depressing shit I can laugh about to drown my misery :))

I think that is all that’s interesting about me

[Discussion] Radiohead Creep
/u/Satrina_petrova [H5'2|CW109lbs|GW101|29F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:33:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4xi4/radiohead_creep/
It's very relatable and semi-triggering.
These lines specifically.

"I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul"

Although the whole song is easy read too much into.

[Help] help!!
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:30:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4wzc/help/

[Rant/Rave] My husband might be moving to another state for a month, and I don't know how I feel
/u/then_she_said [5'7 | -58 | 27F | UGW: 130]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:21:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4v3y/my_husband_might_be_moving_to_another_state_for_a/
So my husband might be moving halfway across the country to train with his cousin at a brewery, which is basically his dream job. I am so 100% behind him doing this, because I want him to be happy, and his current job in retail management is AWFUL. There are two breweries opening near us next year, and I know that the experience would give him a huge leg up in the interview process.

I think about him being gone for an entire month and having to take care of the house by myself, and I'm kind of excited because I haven't lived on my own in over 3 years. I'm also excited because it will be so much easier to b/p to my heart's content, like no one here to judge me, no hiding fast food wrappers, no having him come home from a long day at the store and me having to try and pretend like I wasn't just scrubbing the toilet to get rid of the puke splatters. It's so much easier to work out when he's not at home, and we also definitely enable each other on the weekends to binge and drink too much.

But then my anxiety kicks in, and I start thinking about what would happen if he died out there in a car crash or something, or what if I fall into some super alcoholic tendencies and don't actually do anything productive while he's gone. What if I really spiral with my ED and he comes back and I can't control it. He's been at work all day, and [this has been my day](https://imgur.com/a/bL72Z)- spot where I masturbated, and spot where I caved and b/p'ed. And I miss him, even just with him being at work. I haven't cleaned, I haven't worked out, I've just been hungover on the couch watching iZombie and using the snow as an excuse to not leave the house.

I swing back and forth between being excited to have a month of 'me' time, and then feeling horribly guilty about that and so anxious that something will happen to him or to me while we're apart. I don't even know really what I want to hear, I just wanted to share. No other community out there would understand how shitty the emotional roller coaster can be of "I can't wait to be able to eat 50,000 calories and purge without anyone hearing me" and then the subsequent guilt and shame and fear and loneliness of that feeling.

[Other] Just purged for the first time. Fuck
/u/fluffyfinaland [5'6"| CW 151.8 | GW 120 | -20.2 | 21F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:17:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4uex/just_purged_for_the_first_time_fuck/
Have been bingeing so much during the holiday season and we're at another family Christmas thing right now and I've been snacking so much today... my stomach started to hurt from being so full and I was feeling guilty and next thing I knew I was hunched over the toilet throwing up. I can NEVER make myself throw up (frustrating when sick or hungover) but somehow I was able to today. I could have done more but was worried about getting caught. I do noooot want to make this a habit. Back to restricting tomorrow!

[Other] I'm actually a stereotype lmao
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 110 | 19.5 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:05:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4rvl/im_actually_a_stereotype_lmao/

[Rant/Rave] This world is not for me
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | SW: 128 | CW: 104 | GW:88 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 16:02:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4ra1/this_world_is_not_for_me/
So as usual, I was looking through some pics of clothes/outfits online. Usually I look for sundresses and swimsuits bc summer is my favorite season, aaaaand of course, the model is always thin. 😔

And I don't mean "normal thin" or whatever, I mean sub-18 BMI, underweight-thin.

I don't think it would necesarry be better if the models were overweight or anything like that, but maybe, just maybe, someone like me would feel slightly better if they were at least normal weight. By that I mean BMI of 21, c'mon.

But no, it's my fault I don't look like that. It's my fault that my SW/HW is normal weight. It's my fault I was born in a family who constantly overfed me. It's my fault because I'm not trying hard enough. It's my fault that I gain all my fat in my abdomen. It's my fault I'm short and have a lower BMR. It's my damn fault for liking goddamn food!

The world is not meant for people like me. The world demands girls to be underweight and those who aren't need to push harder because the only purpose a woman has is to be thin and pretty, apparently. Why else are ALL of those models thin?!?

Like idk, it just feels like the world always pushes me down. Idk what I want. I sometimes wish I was born a boy bc boys don't care about appearance.

There are so many things I forgot to say while writing this and I wrote this is a rush, so maybe I'll add more rants into this huge pile of rants. And I know this rant doesn't really make sense, I'm really tired rn.

[Rant/Rave] New year rant and rave
Created: Sat Dec 30 15:15:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4har/new_year_rant_and_rave/

[Rant/Rave] Small victories
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 15:03:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4es0/small_victories/

[Rant/Rave] Halo Top ice cream is what gets me up in the morning !
/u/Brizyse [5'5"|CW:Too Many|UGW:115|17F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 14:52:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n4cdc/halo_top_ice_cream_is_what_gets_me_up_in_the/
Every flavour I've tried so far has been great, but last night I bought the Mochi Green Tea one and I'm living!!!! There's actually pieces of Mochi in it! I've only tried four flavours so if anyone has any recommendations I'd love to hear them:)

[Rant/Rave] Mini vent
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 14:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n44gc/mini_vent/
Came here to get my thoughts out of my head. I’ve probably made and read similar posts plenty of times. I usually vent to my boyfriend as he’s the only one who knows about my problems and so understanding but he’s on a plane on his way to Australia right now and I don’t wanna worry him.

I’m trying to be good. I’m trying to be healthy. I’m trying to eat more because eating ~500 calories a day was destroying my brain and my body.

Anyway, it’s 4 pm, all I’ve had is a small breakfast. My parents want to go out to dinner later and I was thinking about going with them. I was measuring out some broccoli and my mom has to say “you’re cooking? I thought you were going to dinner with us?” IM SORRY I WANTED TO EAT 35 FUCKING CALORIES OF DAMN BROCCOLI A FEW HOURS BEFORE DINNER HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Fuck everyone. Fuck this entire fat ass fucking country for always having to put their damn two cents in when anyone even looks at a piece of food no matter what it is.

I’m sorry but I needed to get that out. I was doing so good. But shit like that just really fucking gets to me.

Edit: I guess that wasn’t so mini. Also, thank god for this community and all of you for making this a safe place to say things like this <3

My kind of success
/u/tortaway [i dont even know anymore]
Created: Sat Dec 30 14:04:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n42ah/my_kind_of_success/

[Rant/Rave] Haven't been restricting and I'm feeling conflicted/confused
/u/skyofAuroras [5'10"| CW: 126| GW: maintaining|19F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 14:02:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n41z1/havent_been_restricting_and_im_feeling/
The last few days have been ok. Well ok for eating anyway. I haven't restricted or binged in a while and I'm eating what I guess is a normal amount. It's so weird though. I still have bad thoughts about my appearance and weight. I still look at myself and think I look fat and I still hate a lot about my looks. I don't act upon these thoughts though. I'm feeling so confused and conflicted. I don't want the stress of restricting and trying to lose weight, but I'm also terrified of gaining. I know that no matter how skinny I am there are still aspects of my body that I will always hate, and yet I still want to lose. I still want that feeling of control and accomplishment from successfully losing weight. For now I'm trying to maintain until I figure out what to do. But even maintaining feels weird to me. Uuuggggh I don't even know anymore. I fear one of these days I'm going to have a massive binge and I'll spiral down. Sorry if I'm not making a lot of sense, I'm just so fucking confused and I needed to rant.

[Other] If my eating disorder is the result of societal standards, why don't I do anything else that's supposedly to 'societal standards'?
Created: Sat Dec 30 13:21:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n3t4z/if_my_eating_disorder_is_the_result_of_societal/
There's little else I do that would suggest what I do is for society or as a result of the standards society has. There are other ways to destroy that stereotype, I think, better ways even, it may simply be a moot point I had, but I fit no other American beauty standard and have attempted to fit no other beauty standard. In many ways, I'm *barely* stereotypically feminine.

I don't wear any makeup, carry purses, wear heels, or wear dresses or skirts. I don't straighten my hair or tan - I also *can't*, but spray-tan's a thing and I don't use it. The things I do are often considered "boy" things, or are male-dominated, like my hobbies, like gaming. Most of my favorite games are FPS games, too.

Yet starving myself is for or related to society? Why don't I do anything else to myself that would fit "society's rules" in the same way?

[Discussion] Gaining muscle while losing?
/u/imsorryigotmadatyou [5'1" | 118 | 23 |0 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 13:08:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n3qay/gaining_muscle_while_losing/
Hey y'all so I recently gained back way too much weight, and want to lose it again. I also want to be toned, though. Is it possible to gain muscle mass while heavily/moderately restricting? And is it possible to be toned and underweight? If you have any advice please lmk

I can’t leave the house anymore.
Created: Sat Dec 30 12:52:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n3mxu/i_cant_leave_the_house_anymore/

[Tip] PSA: Breyers Delights now available in the UK
Created: Sat Dec 30 12:38:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n3jvw/psa_breyers_delights_now_available_in_the_uk/
Scheduled for January release, but I just spotted vanilla, chocolate, and cookies & cream at Tesco

[Help] DA here have more shows like my 600 lb life?
Created: Sat Dec 30 12:15:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n3eqh/da_here_have_more_shows_like_my_600_lb_life/
(Sorry Mods I don't know how to flair...)

So I know I shouldn't like these shows but honestly I'm addicted to the fasting it gives me? After I see shows like that especially where people don't make it, it makes me so afraid that I'm there and I do a long fast and panic over being too big to be skinny ever again. I don't hate fat people because of it, or anything like that.

I used to see this show floating around the internet of two people being sent to adult kind of "fat camp"? Every episode was two different people, and they either made it, or they didn't do anything and they stayed fat. Anything fat logic-y or seeing people eat tons of food and bemoan that they can't get skinny...

I know this is really bad, and it's terrible of me to seek these things out but I don't mean to be rude. I just want something like my 600lb life and at this point I could recite those episodes off by heart...

Mods if this type of post isn't okay I'll take it down, I'm not great at posting my own topics.

How do you get through shark week w/o wanting to die
/u/fuckin_ghosts [5'0'' | CW: prob 137, afraid of scale | GW: 105 | HW: 206 | 26F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 11:40:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n36xn/how_do_you_get_through_shark_week_wo_wanting_to/
I literally feel like a beached whale. Obviously I’m not touching the scale but I genuinely feel like I would weigh 10 pounds heavier if I stepped on it right now and I’ve had a good week of staying under my BMR. Why do I feel like this? I know the answer is obviously “you have your period” but when is it going to leeeeeeave I don’t want to shower or put any of my clothes on because I know I will hate myself in anything right now. And on top of that I’m so hungry I’ve already had like 450 calories today and it’s only 1:40.

How do you get through your period without hating yourself the entire time? Any tips on lessening the bloat? Anything at al?

[Discussion] December 30th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 11:35:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n35sl/december_30th_2017_question_of_the_day/
List what you’ve eaten in the past week.

(Lmaooo everything kill me now k thanks)

[Discussion] DAE rotate through ~fad~ diets in an attempt to limit which foods you're able to eat?
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 130 :( | 20F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 09:50:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n2iwf/dae_rotate_through_fad_diets_in_an_attempt_to/
I change diets like clothes and follow them with a borderline orthorexic-like intensity. Actually, sometimes I've felt worse about eating a few bites of something not within the parameters of my diet compared to binging on something allowed in my current diet. I've done zero carb, veganism, paleo, whole foods plant based, 20:4 intermittent fasting, and OMAD (one meal a day) to name a few. People have noticed since I'm always turning down food for various reasons. They probably think my obsession is a cute quirk of being a 20 year old female, but I doubt they realize how dark the roots of this obsession are. I've had a few people in my life ask me "why can't you just eat normally?" upon hearing about which new weird diet I was pursuing. I've never confided in anyone about my issues but I usually answer that question with a bleak and simple " I really don't know how to"

[Rant/Rave] The holidays derailed me hard...now I feel like I'm starting over again! [rant/ rave]
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: Tub of lard | GW: 120]
Created: Sat Dec 30 09:36:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n2g0p/the_holidays_derailed_me_hardnow_i_feel_like_im/
I was doing SO fucking well before Christmas... I was at that point in my restriction where I was starting to never feel hungry any more (took me 4 months to get there), then after all this holiday eating garbage I'm back to being hungry and wanting junk food and feeling like crap and trying to stave off a binge. It just feels like I'm starting from scratch & I'm so mad at myself for being so weak over the holidays and putting myself in this situation. Plus my sister is here and she's a food nazi who monitors everything everyone eats so I can't just starve myself or she'll make a huge stink.

I feel so fat and bloated.

[Other] Just Got To My All Time Low !!
/u/bunntendo [Height5'7 | CW125 | BMI20 | GW115 | GenderNB]
Created: Sat Dec 30 09:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n2exj/just_got_to_my_all_time_low/
i just weighed myself and im 124.2lbs which is the lowest ive been since 8th grade !! after fasting for 60 hours and being so sick with the flu that i threw up twice and my body released all of my excess water weight, ive lost 4 pounds since thursday !!
i only have another 10 pounds before i reach my UGW !! ggez

More things to be self conscious about
Created: Sat Dec 30 09:21:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n2d0v/more_things_to_be_self_conscious_about/

Any recoverers lurking here who miss the community?
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'10" ☀️ attempting recovery]
Created: Sat Dec 30 09:11:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n2b70/any_recoverers_lurking_here_who_miss_the_community/
I don't miss having an eating disorder. It was hell and ruined my life. But I miss you guys. This community brought me some of my best friends and I miss that. I miss being able to post whatever was on my mind here and having supportive comments that made me feel better like this summer when I was sexually assaulted and I posted here for support and you all were so incredible to me. Eating disorders are hell but you guys are so kind and sweet. I love you all so so much and I hope you're doing okay.

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else staying in for New Year's because they're fat?
Created: Sat Dec 30 09:07:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n2a9w/anyone_else_staying_in_for_new_years_because/
I stayed in last year for the same reason. LOL. Three weeks ago I would have been fine, but I've been binging nonstop and it finally caught up with me. I feel disgusting.

I don’t like subs like /r/loseit bc tbh I’m aiming for ~aesthetic~ not for some boring methodical bullshit
Created: Sat Dec 30 07:44:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n1v6m/i_dont_like_subs_like_rloseit_bc_tbh_im_aiming/

[Discussion] DAE have a job that “requires” them to be skinny?
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 120lb | gw 110lb | bmi 21]
Created: Sat Dec 30 07:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n1sfv/dae_have_a_job_that_requires_them_to_be_skinny/
I’m an escort/sugar baby and there’s so much god damn competition here. I feel terrible for the “overweight” girls because some clients/sugar daddies said they were “catfished” by fat girls and publicly embarrassed them in the restaurant/bar, etc.

One guy even said as soon as he saw a girl, he got up to leave because she was overweight and she dropped to her knees and cried and begged for $50, saying she would fuck him/blow him etc. :(

It’s horrible but at least it’s motivation to get skinny.

[Rant/Rave] New Year... Same Habits.
Created: Sat Dec 30 06:59:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n1o2w/new_year_same_habits/
With the new year coming up, I realize I've gained bad habits since last year. I'm prone to binging and the medicine I'm on doesn't help with that. My mother pushes me to lose weight, and it's a little bit of a struggle because she forces me to eat as well. I've been a part of this community for some time, on different sites as well,and for the first time my weight is beginning to get to a plateau and I can't stop it. My s/o is also quite annoyed with my eating habits and I'm finding it hard to hide it on that end. So in all, I'm hoping this new year can only bring my UGW.

Eating family style for my job.
Created: Sat Dec 30 05:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n1b73/eating_family_style_for_my_job/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! December 30, 2017
Created: Sat Dec 30 05:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n19er/stupid_questions_saturday_december_30_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for December 30, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! December 30, 2017
Created: Sat Dec 30 05:10:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n19as/daily_food_diary_december_30_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for December 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] ED makeup
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Sat Dec 30 03:43:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n0z2i/ed_makeup/
I saw [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/muacjdiscussion/comments/7mgh2m/occ_and_wearing_your_weakness_as_armor/?st=JBT7R7QC&sh=175162fa) post on muacjdiscussion and it got me thinking what my ED inspired makeup products would be like. My thoughts so far:
Swollen glands: a pinky-red blush
Toilet cleaner: a bright blue cream eye shadow
Broken capillaries: bright red liquid eyeliner
Cavities: bubblegum pink lipstick

Please help me expand the line, give me your thoughts, maybe we can team up and become entrepreneurs idk

[Discussion] Secretive Eating, but the wrong direction
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80 lbs | 15.3 | -27 lbs | f]
Created: Sat Dec 30 02:56:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n0tnr/secretive_eating_but_the_wrong_direction/
As I write this, I sit in my bathroom, gingerly nibbling at half a Dove chocolate bar.

This is the only thing I will keep down all day.

It is also the only thing i've made any effort to conceal the fact that I have eaten.

I binge huge, unhinged binges all day in front of, well, everyone, but this?

This is a secret and I don't know why.

Anyone else riding a similar wave?

[Thinspo] Post a picture of your goal body.
Created: Sat Dec 30 02:11:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n0ois/post_a_picture_of_your_goal_body/

[Help] Help me, I’m fat again
Created: Sat Dec 30 01:51:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n0m4r/help_me_im_fat_again/

[Help] I took 2 super strength laxatives after a bad binge. It says I shouldn't take more than 1 every few days. Just tell me I'm not gonna die
Created: Sat Dec 30 01:08:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n0gv4/i_took_2_super_strength_laxatives_after_a_bad/

[Discussion] Diet Coke?
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 110 | 19.5 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Dec 30 00:43:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n0dlj/diet_coke/
I've always wondered like, all these ED forums and tumblr pages and shit are always talking about Diet Coke and how it's great and makes you feel full etc etc. But like why specifically Diet Coke? Why not diet ginger ale? Diet Dr Pepper? Diet Fanta? Like there's so many choices lol. Nobody talks about em.

[Rant/Rave] Just a rant
/u/crazylama13 [5'2 | CW:103 | BMI: 18.8 | GW:100]
Created: Fri Dec 29 23:57:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n07g9/just_a_rant/

[Rant/Rave] Can’t stop binging
Created: Fri Dec 29 23:26:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7n02vx/cant_stop_binging/

[Discussion] Is anyone else severely motivated by meanspo?
Created: Fri Dec 29 23:05:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mzzl6/is_anyone_else_severely_motivated_by_meanspo/

Literally everything about them is perfect. (From the group Rose Group)
/u/bunnywithbpd [Height 5"1 | CW 114 lb | HW 128 lb | UGW 95 lb]
Created: Fri Dec 29 22:44:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mzw5k/literally_everything_about_them_is_perfect_from/

[Discussion] anyone else obsessed with kpop idols?
/u/bunnywithbpd [Height 5"1 | CW 114 lb | HW 128 lb | UGW 95 lb]
Created: Fri Dec 29 22:41:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mzvm2/anyone_else_obsessed_with_kpop_idols/
I look up to them as my ~*thinspo*~ since I'm asian myself...
They openly state how little they eat and how crazy their dieting is and I am completely obsessed with them.

I think my ultimate would be AOA Choa she is around my height and has the perfect frame (in my opinion) or Jini from Rose Queen.
Anyway looking for some buddies to talk to~~ I've been feeling pretty alone.

[Rant/Rave] A milestone- Finally
Created: Fri Dec 29 22:09:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mzqf4/a_milestone_finally/

I’ve been personally attacked??
/u/valentineviolette [5'1 | 154lbs | -14lbs | F]
Created: Fri Dec 29 20:49:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mzcir/ive_been_personally_attacked/

[Rant/Rave] Some good news, finally
/u/gothqueeen [5’7 | 24.5 | 156.7 | 130/125?]
Created: Fri Dec 29 20:36:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mza74/some_good_news_finally/
I am down to a “healthy” BMI! I was once “overweight” (67 inches tall, 165.5 lbs) but now that I’m 156.7, I’m no longer considered overweight. I have a long way to go to my GW, but for now I feel like I’m finally making progress. I know it’s not a whole lot to rave about.... but this is a huge milestone for me personally.

[Discussion] anyone else usually hate watching most people eat
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Fri Dec 29 20:29:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mz8qd/anyone_else_usually_hate_watching_most_people_eat/
I hate the sounds of chewing, I hate it when people breathe loudly while eating, lip smacking, dramatic squealing or moaning while eating, all of it. If someone's a clean eater, I don't mind but fuck man when will people learn how to just eat quietly and relatively cleanly. Drives me up the walls, it's probably not misophonia.

[Help] Has anyone had their period stop mid cycle???
/u/InterchangeableMoon [Height 5'0" | CW 110 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 29 20:29:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mz8pj/has_anyone_had_their_period_stop_mid_cycle/
I’m 5’0”, weighing in at an unfortunate 113lbs. I started getting PMS symptoms a few days ago, started spotting the day before yesterday, had a light flow yesterday and now it’s gone.

It’s similar to my periods that I’ve had when I’m using hormonal birth control but I’m not on one now. I’m taking no medications but I’m EC stacking, exercising 5+ days a week, and eating 600-1100 calories.

I’m 24 and feel like I know my period really well but I’m not sure what’s happening here. I’m kind of worried but kind of excited??

[Rant/Rave] Not Weighing = More Self Hatred
Created: Fri Dec 29 19:50:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mz1ut/not_weighing_more_self_hatred/
Not weighing seems like it would help you not obsess over food/body and make you feel better right? Nope.

Was too scared to weigh myself and as a result was suffering horrible mood swings and body dysmorphia. Finally bit the bullet tonight.

I was estimating 7lbs over what I actually weigh.

It's still too much tho so I guess I'm still here y'all

[Help] Can restricting cause a lower heart rate?
Created: Fri Dec 29 19:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7myw7p/can_restricting_cause_a_lower_heart_rate/
I noticed mine was around 58-60ish and mine is normally in the high 70s low 80s. Could this be from restricting l?

[Rant/Rave] Struggle Bus
/u/ThisIsGumpy [Height 5'2| CW 108| GW 100]
Created: Fri Dec 29 18:13:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7myj6m/struggle_bus/

[Other] what's the point of eating normal meals
/u/prxncetxn [5'6 | CW: 116 | GW: 105 | M]
Created: Fri Dec 29 17:14:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7my6xa/whats_the_point_of_eating_normal_meals/
I binge at night whether I eat fuck all for the whole day or if I eat 3 square meals, so what's the point

I hate my life

[Help] Is this a realistic prediction chart? I've gained all my weight back and want to lose it by summer.
Created: Fri Dec 29 16:31:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mxxhq/is_this_a_realistic_prediction_chart_ive_gained/

[Help] Just found my ultimate thinspo: Laura Gemser. Does anyone know/can guess her stats?! She's absolute goals.
Created: Fri Dec 29 16:12:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mxthd/just_found_my_ultimate_thinspo_laura_gemser_does/

[Other] Christie Unger and other Youtubers
Created: Fri Dec 29 14:53:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mxbx9/christie_unger_and_other_youtubers/
DAE watch Christie’s YouTube vids and follow her on Insta? I really like her content. It’s triggering but in a calming way... I can’t explain it.

She is my height, 5’11’’/6’’, and I swear she’s less than 115. Seeing older videos of her before she “began her weight gain journey” were kind of scary because she was so thin and tan (she is still so so skinny but she’s in thicker clothes now that it’s winter). So she started making these videos about what she enjoys eating and it all just seems like a charade she doesn’t realize she’s acting out.

I think she is telling herself she’s one of those plant-based YouTubers who encourage you to eat in abundance, but she seems to embody every symptom I used before I lost the discipline to do it all the time. So I am motivated by the videos to restrict.

I know the videos are edited but it seems like her entire life revolves around cooking someone low cal, high volume. She still mixes cauliflower rice or zucchini in her oats which became an ED red flag on insta years ago (I sound so old)!!!

But I like the recipes because they are simple and vegan and low cal, but not like a million random ingredients like all the Australian vegan channels. It’s like “open can of no salt tomatoes, add mushrooms, add seasoning, cook on stove, voila! Soup!!! INDULGE in a second piece of 80 cal the bread ... then have a clementine” it’s like she thinks she’s eating like a beast and making a show of it.

I feel bad for her because she seems to believe her habits are legit normal and healthy enough to share with others and inspire them... but it just inspires me to restrict and gives me cheap recipe ideas. Check her out if you’re into that (but be warned if boniness triggers you in a bad way)

Edit: I posted this because I really like her! And she wants to recover so I am not tearing her down, I just see SO much of my former self in her from back when I thought I was recovering and TOTALLY wasn’t. Her videos are a little immature, and it’s weird to see her try to spread a message of health when she won’t publicly acknowledge she has a problem, but I think she’s a sweet girl and hope the best for her.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so mad at myself. (Long rant... Sorry)
/u/AnaTroi [5'9" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Dec 29 14:47:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7mxaoq/im_so_mad_at_myself_long_rant_sorry/
I've been a "medium restricter" since I was pretty young. Restricting has always felt pretty natural to me.

I was in “recovery” for a few years and managed to gain about 50 pounds. One of the things that I was"taught" was to eat small meals throughout the day, but NO calorie counting since I'm too obsessive about it. It got to the point where I was really unhappy and hating myself (more than normal, ha!). So I slipped back into my restricting ways. I'm on my own now, no parental interference, no significant other... So there's no one to notice what I'm doing.

Everyone's praising me for losing so much weight so quickly. I'm down 43 pounds since the beginning of September. I feel