[Help] Losing control over these damn night time binges.
/u/notsohappycarrot [5'9|CW:131|GW:120|19.3 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 19:32:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b29lp/losing_control_over_these_damn_night_time_binges/
The night time legit stresses me out so much at this point. I can handle myself during the day(usually)... but after 10 PM it's a different story. I wish I could take something to just knock me the fuck out so I don't lose control of this every night lol. Tired of getting told that it's "because I don't eat enough".

Does anyone else deal with this? I've considered melatonin but I'm not sure if that's enough to stop me :(

[Discussion] Diet Coke vs Coke Zero
Created: Sun Nov 5 19:14:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b265g/diet_coke_vs_coke_zero/

Need some meanspo
Created: Sun Nov 5 19:07:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b24p0/need_some_meanspo/

[Rant/Rave] Not Ana enough
Created: Sun Nov 5 19:01:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b23gz/not_ana_enough/

[Intro] ohhhh my god something like this exists
/u/skinnynet [5'6" | 148 | 23.8 | -0 | 15F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 18:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b1va8/ohhhh_my_god_something_like_this_exists/
thank. fucking. god.

finally, somewhere that helps without all the ~anamia~ uwu type shit. i've been here for like 30 minutes and everyone here seems so chill. i look forward to making progress with everyone! x

[Rant/Rave] Self Sabotage
Created: Sun Nov 5 18:08:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b1snz/self_sabotage/

[Discussion] Question regarding meals
/u/throwaway002300 [25 | 5'3" | CW 109 | BMI 19.3| GW 103| HW 160]
Created: Sun Nov 5 17:52:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b1p8m/question_regarding_meals/
I would like to know what everyone eats for lunch or dinner when they are with their significant other or family members. My days consist of low cal snacks or fasting, but I eat dinner with my husband every night and we eat lunch together on weekends. He eats whatever he wants and his diet is full of high calorie foods. I’m struggling to find meals that look substantial and not totally bizarre, but low cal enough to feel comfortable and not sabotage my efforts in the morning/afternoon. Suggestions, ideas and recipes would be wonderful because low cal soup/broth and steamed broccoli are getting kind of boring.

[Intro] Never had normal eating habits
Created: Sun Nov 5 17:34:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b1li1/never_had_normal_eating_habits/
I'm a long time lurker and recently started posting.
I've not got any diagnosed ED but my food relationship has never been good.
I always *thought* I was an overweight child but when I look at photos I'm so slim.
I've always been a binge eater, sneaking extra snacks etc and not knowing when to stop.
When I got to uni, 9 years ago the weight piled on and I ended up obese.
Boyfriend bought me a box of chocolates one time and I thought it would be a great idea to just taste them all then spit them out (I didn't know chewing and spitting was a thing, I thought I was a genius) so this lead to huge bingeing and eventually I made myself sick.
I knew bullima was a thing but I didn't think that applied to me because I thought bullimics were all skinny and threw up everything they ate, I thought I was in control and I wasn't losing weight but I stopped putting it on!
I eventually managed to lose a few stone and get to the low end of overweight through healthy eating and exercise, but I was still BP-ing.
When I moved away from home properly and in with my fiancé (now husband) I stopped BP-ing almost completely but the weight piled on.
I reached a tipping point a few months ago where I was so down about my size that I binged then purged and for the first time it felt so out of control, I felt so disgusting and helpless that I decided enough was enough and I'm finally losing weight steadily through exercise and restriction.

I never want to be that shaking, vomiting, wreck again. I was never in control. *Maybe* the first time or two, but after that it it was compulsion.

[Rant/Rave] Today I ate
Created: Sun Nov 5 16:46:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b1b59/today_i_ate/
And I was proud of myself. I made spaghetti and put mixed veggies and chicken in it. I didn’t count the calories (even tho I ball parked it in my head.)

Celebrating little victories keeps me going.

[Rant/Rave] H o l y shit I broke 140 without realizing it
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 141 | GW: 111 | -23 lbs]
Created: Sun Nov 5 16:41:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b1a6x/h_o_l_y_shit_i_broke_140_without_realizing_it/
For the longest time ever I thought I was plateauing at 140-142 and I've also been a lil bingey the past two weeks. I used my roommate's scale real quick and it gave me back 137.5 lbs back three times in a row!! With clothes on nonetheless!!!! My dudes I am living, now that I know I'm no longer 140, restricting down to 130 will be relatively easy and then 130 will become my new plateau, I already know this. I am wholly unprepared for it though. But in the mean time, 137.5!!!

[Discussion] Most motivating/triggering music videos?
Created: Sun Nov 5 16:12:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b141e/most_motivatingtriggering_music_videos/

[Rant/Rave] “If you’re healthy, you’re healthy!”
Created: Sun Nov 5 15:47:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0ybb/if_youre_healthy_youre_healthy/
This is the only place I feel like I can go because I don’t really want to talk to my RL friends.

My dad died about a month ago from a heart attack. He was obese.
My sister and her family came to visit the other day, she’s probably at least 320 lbs, her husband is at least 350 lbs. I’m 130 pounds and she doesn’t know that was diagnosed with EDNOS.

She likes to CONSTANTLY shit on my eating and exercise habits (right now I’m doing the ABC and can easily make 500 calories look like a lot of food, but when they’re over, I usually eat 1400-1600 when I have visitors, which is my maintenance calories).

Shit such as “Oh, well, you’re a health nut because you count your calories”, “Exercising ruins your knees!” —> “Stop sending me stuff. You’ll see in 30 years. (When I send her 5 articles and studies indicating that running actually doesn’t affect your joints) or she ROLLS HER FUCKING EYES AT ME WHEN I EAT MY FUCKING VITAMINS.

I got this fucking gem from her the other day in reference to not having insane cholesterol levels yet, “oh well, I may be overweight, but if you’re healthy, you’re healthy!” (Yes, I know that having an ED isn’t healthy either. Oh, the irony.)

Girlfriend, you get out of breath when you walk the 30 feet from the couch to my fridge to get a glass of water. YOU. ARE. NOT. HEALTHY.

YOUR RESTING HEART RATE IS AT LEAST 130 WHEN YOU ARE LAYING DOWN. You would think dad dying would be a wake up call.

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[Rant/Rave] Sunday night fear
Created: Sun Nov 5 15:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0xqe/sunday_night_fear/
Just realised that not only do I suffer from Sunday night fear because of work and my masters but also because of how much I have eaten over the weekend.
How many Sunday nights have I lay here bloated and feeling physically ill only to repeat the cycle again this week 😑

[Rant/Rave] I can't handle this
Created: Sun Nov 5 15:33:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0ve4/i_cant_handle_this/
This is going to sound so stupid, but I feel like I need to get it out. Maybe writing it down will help me feel better. I can't stand my mom's new husband or their entire relationship. I feel extremely nauseous anytime he's around, and I swear his only goal is to make me miserable. He does things that are incredibly socially awkward near me and I'm always so uncomfortable. He's constantly making fun of me. He stands outside of my bedroom door screaming "boner" sometimes. He made moaning noises at dinner a couple of days ago. He will also do weird things to my mom and makes uncomfortable sexual jokes when I'm around or when any of my siblings are around. I have told my mom probably hundreds of times that I don't like him but she literally doesn't care at all, she tells me I have to deal with it and stop annoying her or I'll get grounded or something. My mom cares about him 1000x more than she cares about me. On Friday, I asked her if we could go out for dinner. She told me maybe, but then when he came home she changed her mind and decided that just he and her were going out (which they do like 4 times a week). Then she told me that we could maybe go out the next day. I asked if it could be just us, or if at least he could not come (because he makes me uncomfortable) and she got mad at me. Then, yesterday, she decided to again go out with him and forget about me. Today, we went and I was so disgusted and uncomfortable the entire time, and my mom got mad at me for not being so thankful that they took me with them, even though it was my idea in the first place and he wasn't even supposed to come. When he's around, my mom pretends I don't exist. He tries to turn my mom against me, and my mom already hates me, so it's really terrible. I don't even know who I hate more, him or myself.

After all of this, I think I'm starting to realize the cause of my eating disorder, and it's this, my mom and her husband. I feel like I never want to eat again. It also makes sense why it was at its worst in the summer, since that's when I had to see him the most. Or I'm completely off, but in this moment that's what it feels like.

[Help] Three days into a partial fast
Created: Sun Nov 5 15:22:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0t22/three_days_into_a_partial_fast/
I call it partial bc I had a big alcohol binge last night but I threw most of it up within an hour or so. I'm having hot and cold flashes and my hands are shaking, I've been staying hydrated but I feel like passing out every time I stand up. Im way overweight so I'm not in serious danger but I should probably call it off now, yeah?

[Discussion] Relating to addicts
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 14:42:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0kbk/relating_to_addicts/
I'm watching Louis Theroux's heroin documentary and, without wanting to minimise their struggles, I really can relate to some of the things they are saying.

This disease is like an addiction. It is killing me and I know that but I still can't quit.

[Rant/Rave] everything's falling apart
/u/okayls [5'4 |hw: 240 | ugw: 95 |20NB/F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 14:41:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0k2h/everythings_falling_apart/
i struggled a lot with healthy eating in middle school and high school but never gave it a name.
in middle school it was a ton of binging and gaining weight and in high school it was a lot of throwing up. but when i left for college i essentially stopped.

cut now to junior year of college.
last year i went vegetarian for health reasons but i'm starting to use it as a way to restrict. i'm only using one meal swipe a day on actual food, and one on a latte from starbucks that's slowly morphing into a super-specific suspicious drink. trying to pick food freaks me out, especially at the dining hall. the one friend that knows even a hint of what's going on has seen me on the cusp of a panic attack even trying to decide whether or not to eat a meal, much less what to get.

yesterday and today i've thrown up after eating.

my therapist and i had a conversation friday that it might be an eating disorder, and talked about how the diagnosis based on behaviors/outcomes is dangerous, that the warning signs are the thoughts.

i'm so stressed and i'm rambling and i know that i'm hurting my friend she's worried about me but god i don't want to fucking stop i really don't

[Discussion] Can anyone on depression or anxiety medication tell me if it affects your hunger levels or willingness to restrict?
/u/annan4 [5'4.5" | I hate myself| 18F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 14:25:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0gmz/can_anyone_on_depression_or_anxiety_medication/
I have never talked to anyone about my depression and possible anxiety. My parents really want me to go see someone about it because they know I'm depressed but don't know anything about my food issues, but I'm afraid taking antidepressants or other meds will make me want to eat more than I already do. If they make it easier to restrict though then I would love to take them. Any thoughts and opinions are appreciated.

[Other] Amsterdam uni trip
Created: Sun Nov 5 14:20:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0fjh/amsterdam_uni_trip/
I’m on a uni trip to Amsterdam 5 days and idk if it’s good or bad

1. I can very easily not eat
2. Going to be walking a lot probs 15k per day
3. Weed is legal so yay

1. Can’t do cardio
2. Friends might notice I’m not eating cuz we’ll be together 24/7
3. Harder to track calories if I’m eating street food/restaurants
4. Can’t weigh myself

I think it’s going to be really fun and I don’t want to ruin it by obsessing over food. Hopefully I’ll be lighter by the time I get home. It’s going to be really hard to resist the waffles tho.

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend is happy with me losing weight!!
/u/ThinnerBirb [5'7 | CW:120lb | GW:100lb | HW:130lb | 18.9 BMI | 19F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 14:10:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b0d5c/boyfriend_is_happy_with_me_losing_weight/
My boyfriend is 75kg (165lb) and 5'6, so he's wanting to lose weight and although he's expressed some dislike of me also losing weight, tonight he said that actually appreciates me losing weight with him because it helps encourage him, so as long as he needs to lose weight I can to!! 😁 I'm so happy about that.

I've lost 3kg (6.6lb) in a month thanks to this, and if this keeps up I'll be at my GW of 50kg (110lb) by the new year and at my UGW by February, aaah!! 😀

How tf do I deal with Christmas though? Everyone will be expecting me to eat and I don't know how to handle it 😥

(automod pls don't eat this one lmao)

[Rant/Rave] I'm going to sub-1000kcal...
/u/StuDented [1.64m|CW: ?|GW: 55kg|UGW: 50kg|BMI: ?|Gender: F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 13:45:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b07kl/im_going_to_sub1000kcal/
On mobile, please flair rant/rave

A number many would always say is too high for themselves but for me, is a moment of wrestling back some self control for the first time in a long time. I resisted an opportunity to binge tonight so I could hit that -which is an achievement in and of itself; I can't remember when I last resisted binging. Pity it's only because I'm trying to restrict. But hey ho, there you go.

[Discussion] How much ahead do you plan your meals?
Created: Sun Nov 5 13:27:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b039t/how_much_ahead_do_you_plan_your_meals/
I usually planned my meals the same day I ate them, but recently I started doing it for meals days ahead. I already exactly planned my food for the rest of the month, and calories for the rest of the year lol. It's so addictive, anyone else does that?

[Discussion] Mitigating weight fluctuations?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: who knows? | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 13:25:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b02qx/mitigating_weight_fluctuations/
This might be a strange question, but are there things you can do to keep your weight relatively stable throughout the day? I wake up in the morning super bloated (so much that I can't take my rings off) and by the end of the day I can be as much as five pounds heavier than I was even in the morning.

On a related note (and this might be TMI) what do you do to avoid constipation when restricting? I've tried laxatives and laxative teas but I feel like it just causes me pain and then only solves a little bit of the problem but that there's still more...backed up, I guess?

Thanks for your help, I know these are strange questions.

[Rant/Rave] i've spent all of my money on food in two days
/u/bombay- [5'9 | CW 160 | GW1 130 | 23.6 | 16F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 13:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b00k0/ive_spent_all_of_my_money_on_food_in_two_days/

[Discussion] What types of clothing are the most slimming while also being fashionable?
Created: Sun Nov 5 13:17:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7b00cv/what_types_of_clothing_are_the_most_slimming/
I'm 17, 5'5 and 123 currently. I would like to lose about 15 pounds, but progress has been slow. I feel fat at my current weight, particularly in my stomach and shoulders.

What types of clothing have you found that is able to make you look slimmer?

[Rant/Rave] My whole body is just.. So tired
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW:85bs | 21F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 13:09:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7azyg0/my_whole_body_is_just_so_tired/
I have to do uni work or I'm going to fail but I can barely get out of bed cause I'm so tired from fasting .. it's so sad how little I care about my future anymore. I'm so dumb why am I so stupid if I could just eat without wanting to kms everything would be okay

[Rant/Rave] I've always been thin, so no one cares if I'm hurting
/u/skyofAuroras [5'10" | CW: 125lbs | GW: 115lbs |19F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 12:36:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7azqo8/ive_always_been_thin_so_no_one_cares_if_im_hurting/
No one cares about my eating problems sine I'm already kind of skinny. I've been this way since the start of high school. Yeah I was one of those teens that could what ever they wanted to without gaining a single pound. Fuck me right? I know a lot of people would love to be at my height and weight, but I want my weight to be lower. I can't tell others this. If I ever tell anyone that I think I might have an ed, they'll all laugh. No one can imagine that Ive ever binged, restricted, or fasted. Yet at 16 I'd count calories and worry at the thought of gaining one pound. Ive hidden in my car once trying not to cry from my stomach pains. I try to skip meals whenever I can. I always wear layers cause Im always cold. Ive gotten depressed, and even had anxiety from looking at a mirror. But hey, Im already thin, so no one cares.

[Rant/Rave] No self control whatsoever
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63 kg | BMI: 23.4 | -20.5 kg | 21F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 12:25:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7azo3n/no_self_control_whatsoever/
My day started good, didn't eat til 20 minutes ago when my dad came into the room with a bag of tortilla chips and a bowl of melted cheddar cheese. Do I need to say more? I finally got off of my plateau 2 days ago and what did I do? Sabotage myself what else?! The day before yesterday I did well...and then ate a whole bag of potatoe chips. Yesterday I did well and ate nothing until I got into the cinema and ordered nachos with cheese...today I was back up to 63.4kg from previously 62.5kg 😑 doesn't help that my period started today so I don't know if I'm retaining water or if I actually gained. Hope yall are doing better than petty me.

[Discussion] I can't see my ribs
/u/kittybunny75 [5'6 | CW:100 | BMI: 16.1 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 12:11:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7azksw/i_cant_see_my_ribs/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling sorry for myself
Created: Sun Nov 5 11:36:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7azcab/feeling_sorry_for_myself/

[Discussion] People keep saying they're noticing my weight loss but I look the exact same?
Created: Sun Nov 5 11:25:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7az9he/people_keep_saying_theyre_noticing_my_weight_loss/
Yesterday I saw my boyfriends parents and they both, independently from one another, told me I'd lost weight/"gotten slim". And today my bf told me his dad told him he thought I "shouldn't lose more weight" after I was gone. People have been telling me I've lost weight fairly often recently, and of course I'm super happy about it, but I feel like they're either all delusional or lying to me.

I have lost weight, but much less than I did about a year back and back then nobody said much about my weight at all. I'm still at an objectively high weight, I am so confused as to why they would say that when I'm quite obviously bigger than most people. And it's not body dysmorphia, the numbers don't lie.

Have any of you had similar experiences and does anybody know what might make people say that? I know it sounds like a weird disordered thing to say but it's definitely not because of my actual weight. It's just so confusing and it triggers binges for me and I don't know how to deal with it, I just want to scream at them and tell them not to lie to me.

[Rant/Rave] FINALLY!
Created: Sun Nov 5 11:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7az63l/finally/
It took what feels like forever but I finally broke through my plateau! I was so thrilled to see the scale not only finally drop but by two lbs. I didn’t think it would happen at all because I’ve been back and forth with my anorexia and bulimia for the past 11 years and thought my body was just done. But now the woosh is coming and I could t be happier. I hope y’all are all doing well today! xxx

[Other] Boyfriend may or may not know about my account and my ED now so just wanna call it out here: hi dude lmao
Created: Sun Nov 5 10:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ayx8e/boyfriend_may_or_may_not_know_about_my_account/

[Help] Millie's sipping broth recommendations?
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 130 | 23.0 | -38 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 10:09:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ays28/millies_sipping_broth_recommendations/
i've been looking in stores for this for months and i'm just biting the bullet and ordering some on amazon. what are your favorites?? can't decide which one to try

[Help] DAE get red spots on their legs while losing?
Created: Sun Nov 5 09:39:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ayl6m/dae_get_red_spots_on_their_legs_while_losing/
So heyall - I have been steadily losing since Sept., and have been restricting to ~700, going to the gym every two days for a 500cal burn, and generally walking more.

So I have like... pimples on my legs and thighs - they look like ingrown hairs, but they... dont seem like it (lmfao i dont have the kind of skin complexion I have on my face on my legs) ??? and so random bc I dont shave my legs. I have had these things before from losing weight, but I do not know what is really going on. Is this some kind of chemical reaction?

JW if anyone else has been alarmed or knows about this.

[Goal] Finally back at my real current weight on here 😸
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Sun Nov 5 09:27:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ayip7/finally_back_at_my_real_current_weight_on_here/
I went up to around 112/ 115 the beginning of September due to sooo much binging, if felt horrible but I couldn't change my CW on here or MFP out of pure depression until I got there again. I weighed in this morning at 107.4, I haven't weighed in since I started back on track. I've been journaling on paper and sticking to 900-1200 cals. "According to that I should be 100-101 in five weeks" lolol MFP! I'm finally back at it! 🎀 my weekend is for once 😊

[Discussion] November 5th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 09:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ayf17/november_5th_2017_question_of_the_day/
What should remain as-is?

[Discussion] Going dark
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Sun Nov 5 09:08:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ayedo/going_dark/
I know I’m somewhat new here but I’m going to try to maintain and get healthier. My family deserves it. I don’t know how this will go as I am still not 100% ready to get help. I don’t feel like I’m even that small but that’s a whole other can of worms.

My boyfriend went through my phone and found my posts to this community. He knew I was sick but he was under the impression that I was trying to maintain. I wasn’t. I kept losing. He knows my goal weight and it ended up causing quite the confrontation. I’m riddled with guilt for deceiving him.

I realized, like others have before, this sub is not the best for recovery. I find I gravitate towards these communities the deeper I get in to my ED. My son will be a teenager soon. He deserves a healthy mother. He deserves to not worry about whether or not I’m going to die. He deserves to not be made fun of by his peers at school based off how I look. He deserves so much more and I want to be the one that shows him how much more he deserves.

My boyfriend doesn’t deserve this shit. He didn’t sign up to be a caretaker. He didn’t ask for this level of crazy. But he’s still here and I need to realize that means a fuck ton. I must be worth saving right? I should at least try. If only to show him that I am so sorry for putting him through this. If only to see if maybe I am worth something to someone. Maybe? I don’t know if I’m wording that correctly. If he can put up with all of my shit and not run for the hills I should at least put forth the effort to help myself. I dunno.

This has turned in to a ramble. I want to say I’ve never felt more “at home” than I have here. I found a place in which I can unload my inner thoughts and feeling without fear of judgement. This is a sub that I can read through and relate to every fucking post. I don’t want to leave but it’s for the best if I’m going to seriously try to make the best of this short time on Earth. ✌🏻❤️

[Rant/Rave] I wonder what my ancestors will think of me
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 110| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 08:47:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ay9ok/i_wonder_what_my_ancestors_will_think_of_me/
Basically, my ancestors were like Chinese peasants. They were so poor that my great-grandpa’s little sister was sold to a rich family for food money (not an uncommon thing back then).

Meanwhile, here I am, in the 21st century in a rich country with access to all the food I could possibly want. I have the means to eat steak every night if I so choose. My grandpa gave me $500 for food before I left for university. I could be eating so well.

Yet I willingly CHOOSE to starve myself in order to lose weight. So I could look emaciated.

Its sad but funny at the same time. What would my ancestors think of me? In fact, what will any teenage girl in some impoverished country think of me?

Anorexia is really a “first world” problem.

[Intro] Starting over (sexual assault tw)
/u/sea_castle [5'3" | CW 101.2 | 18.42 | -11 | GW 88 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 08:15:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ay341/starting_over_sexual_assault_tw/
Hi all,

I was really involved on here several months ago with a different account. I was doing really well with restricting and completely obsessed with counting and logging calories, but my health started deteriorating in a host of ways and I got scared. I felt like the sub was enabling my ED, so I left and continued to restrict in "secret." My health issues continued, but didn't worsen, and I was still (slowly) losing, so I thought everything was okay.

Then I was rear-ended a month ago, and it completely destroyed my already-fragile mental/emotional health. I binged, for the first time in months, for weeks straight and undid months of progress. I tried to get back on track with EC stacks, but I was still lazy about logging, and at one point I think I overdid it on the caffeine and almost passed out. I stopped stacking and tried to eat "normally" (lmao!!!) for a couple weeks, but it kept devolving into binging, and I'm getting super disgusted with my body again and all this fat and water weight or whatever needs to get the fuck off me right now.

I know the return of my dysmorphia is at least partially fueled by something that happened to me yesterday...long story short, I was having sex with a guy I really liked but didn't know all that well, and at some point during the middle of things he took the condom off and I didn't realize until way after the fact. This was after I had a serious talk with him about how important it was to me that he wear one and him being really receptive and understanding, so I feel like my trust and body have both been violated. I'm on the pill so I'm not worried about pregnancy, but I have to go get tested and I'm just so angry and upset and icky feeling and I want to wash myself out with bleach.

Of course I can't do that, but somehow I feel like I can reclaim my body by restricting. And if restricting is going to help me cope and help me get skinny again then so fucking be it. I have a new plan and an old goal, and I'm going to start logging and weighing myself again and post in the diary.

Basically I'm starting over, and I'm back here to keep myself accountable, and to have some company because I can't deal with all of this alone anymore. I know what happened to me could have been a lot worse, and I'm grateful it wasn't, but this was already more than my extremely brittle mental health could take and I could really really use some support and a return to normalcy, as fucked up as my "normal" is.

Thank you all for being here and for being awesome. I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone again. Hugs all around <3

[Discussion] trick to visible ribs
Created: Sun Nov 5 07:54:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axyub/trick_to_visible_ribs/
Be the only female news reporter at a podunk paper, get assigned a bunch of #metoo stories, interview a bunch of rape survivors, relive your own rape that no one knows about, interview a rapist, try to write an article, cry for three days straight, don’t turn anything in, avoid calls from your boss, forget about weighing yourself or eating or sleeping, look down....and ribs!


[Discussion] Is anyone on Fitbit? I wanna do the challenges but you can’t without friends. Drop your handle if you have one. :) TIA
Created: Sun Nov 5 07:45:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axx1t/is_anyone_on_fitbit_i_wanna_do_the_challenges_but/

[Rant/Rave] Haven't weighed myself in days. Can't stop eating like shit.
Created: Sun Nov 5 07:39:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axw5s/havent_weighed_myself_in_days_cant_stop_eating/
Want to fucking die. I need to fast for the rest of the day. I have to weigh myself tomorrow and snap out of this bullshit. I haven't even really been calorie counting. What the fuck is wrong with me? I was one pound off my low weight. And I've fucking screwed everything up. Again.

Honestly, would just love a bullet to whatever part of my brain is responsible for this.

If the scale shows something awful I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Fuck me

[Rant/Rave] I'm changing illnesses lol
Created: Sun Nov 5 07:29:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axu9t/im_changing_illnesses_lol/

[Rant/Rave] Therapist refuses to do trauma work with me until I stop engaging in my ED
Created: Sun Nov 5 07:25:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axtcm/therapist_refuses_to_do_trauma_work_with_me_until/
I'm new to this thread, but I'm so glad I found people who really get it. So I've heard that alot of our eating disorders stem from the need for control. In my case, that's probably true. This is not a sexual assault thread, but my eating disorder began around the time this stopped. Focusing all my energy on food, calories, progress, collar bones and hip bones helped me not think about the things that happened.

My therapist, who really is a great lady, told me that she will not get into trauma work with me until my eating has stabilized. I was so angry. How can you take away my only way to deal with this shit? I made a hard decision to halt my disordered eating. I seriously resent her for it, but I NEED help with the trauma. But dealing with these things and not having my eating disorder to fall back on makes me feel so powerless. Like I am a slave to my pain and emotions. Every single day is a struggle. I am no longer in the "underweight" range and I feel a serious loss. it's harder for me to talk about this stuff now. My brain keeps telling me "fat girls can't be victims. Nobody cares about fat girls." this makes no sense, I know that.. but can anyone relate to this thought?? Anyway I just wanted to get this off my chest to people who understand..

[Help] Warm safe foods and recipes?
/u/sororityasian [5'4" | -5lbs | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Sun Nov 5 07:17:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axrwy/warm_safe_foods_and_recipes/

[Rant/Rave] I only feel beautiful when my stomach is empty.
Created: Sun Nov 5 06:12:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axgpy/i_only_feel_beautiful_when_my_stomach_is_empty/

[Discussion] Got a week off work, controlled bingeing now so I can keep restricting all week.
Created: Sun Nov 5 05:47:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7axcvr/got_a_week_off_work_controlled_bingeing_now_so_i/
My usual routine is black coffee and 10 calorie mints during the day and a healthy 600-800 calorie meal at night buuuut since I'm on holiday this week, I know I'm gonna struggle to stay under 1000c a day.

My weekends are usually more loosely controlled calorie-wise anyway, but I thought I'd get rid of all the temptation junk in the house today to keep me on track the rest of the week and it looks like today's a 2000 calorie day, I almost wish I hadn't bothered adding it all up haha.
Taking the opportunity with all the extra energy to do more exercise and so far, I should still be at a 1000 calorie deficit for the day.
Also though I'm so full! I don't know how I'm going to manage to eat everything!

Does anyone else plan a "binge" like this to save them from themselves later?

[Help] I feel really uncomfortable in my own body
Created: Sun Nov 5 05:21:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ax9gl/i_feel_really_uncomfortable_in_my_own_body/
I don't know what to do. I'm scared to lose more weight, because I just know people will accuse me of having a problem, but I would love to lose weight if nobody noticed. I technically fasted for over 24 hours yesterday (but I don't count that because I ate before I went to bed) and it felt so good. I hate myself at this weight, and I never want to gain weight, that's terrifying. And I feel like there's nothing I can do because if I eat a lot I start to feel disgusting but if I don't eat people will say things about me or force me to. I just feel so uncomfortable in my own body is it like this for anyone else or just me?

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 05, 2017
Created: Sun Nov 5 05:11:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ax7zv/daily_food_diary_november_05_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Nov 5 05:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ax7ye/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

[Rant/Rave] still on track for my november goals! reflections so far~~
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~127 gw~115]
Created: Sun Nov 5 01:51:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7awe7g/still_on_track_for_my_november_goals_reflections/
a few days into november, finally bounced back from my end-of-october halloween binge. i hit a new lw this morning, 126.2 lbs!! finally broke out of the 127-130 cycle i've been in for a few weeks.

and today i've been trying to come to terms with something. one of my goals for november is to not binge.

the last few days i've restricted to roughly sub 600, save for a 36 hour fast. today, when i woke up, i could feel a binge coming. i was shaky, ravenous, and couldn't stop thinking about food.

so i had a cup of broth, and entertained myself by making cookies. i was/am so proud of my self control there, i made a huge batch of cookies for my family and didn't have *any*. baking apparently is a good way to not spiral into my head.

i got myself through the afternoon on a piece of chocolate and two apples, for just under 200 calories total.

and then i got a poke bowl with my mum for dinner. (was amazing, and fairly low cal i estimate!) but still, i was shaky. pre-binge mode, very much so. all i wanted was a fuck ton of reese's peanut butter cups.

so i went home, and ate some more chocolate and (my first ever!) pint of halo top, the peanut butter cup flavor. which was perfect. 10/10 satisfied my craving.

i dont feel as shaky, or as pre-bingey anymore. and sure, i'm sitting at some 15-1600 calories for today, the most of the month. but if i tried to low restrict today, it was just gonna end in binging tomorrow. sometimes, i have to give myself a little more just so i can keep giving myself less.

the hardest thing rn is not going 'oh shit i ate a lot today better just say fuck it and eat *all* the leftover cookies downstairs.' but i'm not gonna. i'm fine. tomorrow i'll do sub 400.

no binge november, fuck yaaaaaaa here i come

edit~~hahhahahahahahaha woke up this morning and am binging rn someone kill me i hate myself why am i like this

rip no binge november

[Goal] Maintenance calories and goal setting - am I doing this right?
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|117lb|22F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 01:09:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aw9ei/maintenance_calories_and_goal_setting_am_i_doing/
My GW (as of now) is 99 lbs. that's a little less than 20 lb away for me. I did some number crunching to see how much I would have to eat to maintain at that weight - which hopefully I'll have the strength to do once I get there - and it came out to around 1850 cal/day. I guess my new goal is to eat 1200-1850 MAX each day (eat for the body you want, right?) which is an average of 1525 a day. According to losertown, allowing for some wiggle room, I should get to 99 by May 1, 2018. That seems so far away. But I guess it gives me more of a chance of LASTING weight loss than losing the same 5-10 lbs year after year. Am I doing this right or am I totally wrong on these numbers? Does this sound like a good plan or am I just making excuses for me to eat more than I should?

[Rant/Rave] Partner is happy with me losing weight!
Created: Sun Nov 5 01:01:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aw8cf/partner_is_happy_with_me_losing_weight/

[Rant/Rave] I stopped myself from binging chocolate milk
/u/2girly4me [5'6 | SW 145# | CW 135# | GW 120# | 20F]
Created: Sun Nov 5 01:00:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aw86q/i_stopped_myself_from_binging_chocolate_milk/
I just avoided a tall glass of chocolate milk (40 oz of milk, 6 tbsp of chocolate syrup, 800 cal total) by pouring it down the drain. I panicked, and almost took it back like how a child would when someone takes away a toy. But I did it. I'm trying to tell myself, it is not a waste of food. The truth is, it's a waste if I use it on myself. I need to lose this weight.

I already B/P'ed twice today. I don't need another.

I do feel better after pouring it down the drain. I don't know why I do this.

[Rant/Rave] I was purging and my nail cut the back of my throat
Created: Sun Nov 5 00:24:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aw384/i_was_purging_and_my_nail_cut_the_back_of_my/

[Other] I’m scared
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'3"|110| 25F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 23:32:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7avw16/im_scared/
I’m gonna go and call up a psychiatrist Monday I will, I’ll have to.

My need to purge and my view on food and myself isn’t something that correlates with me living longer. I have to live. I think I want to. I don’t and I should not care whether someone is thinner than me or better at this ED thing than I am or whatever because that someone isn’t me at the end of the day, dealing with my shit and my thoughts at night.

I have no control over food and purging is still happening whether I feel I have control or not. And it’s been 7 years and what am I supposed to do if I can’t fight this on my own? Wait another 7 years when my body breaks down more and more....?

Gaining weight is scary and it’s daunting and changes are too but .....I’m scared I’ll lose my teeth and my later years when I keep allowing this.

Fuck I don’t want this but I can’t stay here either

Don’t purge it’ll fuck you up.

[Rant/Rave] I dont deserve food or happiness
Created: Sat Nov 4 22:14:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7avk5n/i_dont_deserve_food_or_happiness/

[Discussion] Okay, is it just me or does TV make it seem like women only eat salads.
/u/NotStephany [5'5| 193 | 32.49 | -101lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 21:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7av9d0/okay_is_it_just_me_or_does_tv_make_it_seem_like/
I’ve noticed this over the course of time that television shows featuring female characters in restaurants, or on a date, or just lunch with the girls, they are almost *always* eating salads.

It’s really hard to explain, but it’s just weird that as much tv as i watch (and i mean i watch a lot of tv, very unhealthy) it’s rare i see women eating meals like steak or spaghetti, it’s always something small and dainty.

Idk maybe that’s where some of our or at least my ED stems from. Seeing women always being so....just fragile and light and always eating less and less , somewhere down the line i idolized that.

Then again, i just smoked some weed and unfortunately my moms boyfriend is cooking and idk what it is but it smells so good and i know if i go in there i’m going to binge eat and that’d suck considering I am fasting so far at 1day, 19minutes.

[Rant/Rave] Rave / Hip bonessss
/u/rebootfalcon [5'9" | CW: 149 lb | GW: 141 | UGW: 127 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 20:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7av7di/rave_hip_bonessss/
I like to stand at my desk at work, and lately when I lean against it I can feel my hip bones pushing on the hard edge and it feels like progress. Even in layered clothing and a lab coat, the fact that I can tell there's significantly less fat over my bones than there was two months ago is really satisfying.

I also just watched To The Bone tonight, and I know there are widely varied opinions on it but personally I liked it. Lukas was obnoxious, and the treatment center/doctor seemed really weird, but I liked Eli a lot and I see a lot of myself in her. I might just watch the whole thing again tonight.

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up (LONG)
/u/murdermttens [5'6"| fat |gw 98| F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 20:21:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7av17g/i_fucked_up_long/
I need to get this out. I made a promise the other day (due to a post here) to NOT dwell on October. To take November as a new leaf. It’s only 04Nov and it’s still fucked up.

This week was hard. There’s no underlining reason really (I don’t think?) but it hit me like a fucking storm. I wanted to do a 7day fast (not uncommon for me, fairly simple especially by day 3). At some point during the day I just snapped. My safe foods weren’t even safe anymore. I so badly did not want to break my fast. I said alright, get out of the house. It’s Saturday. Do SOMETHING other than cook, clean, play with the kids etc.

Back story (ish, relevant): My oldest son is 9 and he is my errand buddy. I hate shopping. I loathe it. But it’s so wonderful to just do mom & him time. He’s doing so freakin well in school. He is so absolutely lovely with his younger brother and sister (both under 4). So together he and I will do errands, talk, joke around, answer questions. He is freaking amazing at school (he just won an award for exemplary behavior and contributions to his school! Omg!!!!!) we play TONS of co/op games. Like LEGO, roblox, etc. he is really sometimes my backbone to ‘reality’ and keeps me tuned to reality. For example, my husband, the kids and I went to sprint to order a new phone and change our plan. My son was helping entertain his 1 y/o brother (he was trying to push the pram and my oldest was guiding him so he could make sure he didn’t run into things etc). My 3 yr old was sitting next to two older women. They were just being kids, occupying themselves and being mindful of those around them. My 1 yr old loves to babble so he would navigate the pram to talk to these two woman. Fast forward 20 mins. As they were leaving one woman came up to me and said ‘I just wanted to say your children are such a delight and the way they engage and listen means they feel secure about themselves” the other (older woman) thanked me for letting the kids entertain her while they waited. I think I actually blushed lol. It was really just such a wonderful compliment to receive. My kids truly are wonderful and I feel so proud of each of them every single day.

Fast forward to today and my moment of fuck-it-all. I almost caved and needed to just get out. I normally would bring all 3 kids because I think it’s just good for them to get out and it’s a fun way to bond and talk in the van, etc. but I only brought my oldest because I just needed my ‘buddy’. He’s a really cool kid and I love to just spend time with him. Sucks being the oldest sometimes so going alone means a lot at times. He freaking walked all over Kroger with me for an HOUR for me to finally settle on three 60 cent packets of sugar free jello, some rest (tazao dessert delights omg so good). I let him chill at the toy section for a bit, I’m not super evil, lol.

We got home and it all came back. I was fine being out and about and I had my errand buddy. Got home and made lunch for everyone. I completely internally freaked out. I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t exactly craving anything. My inner self was just saying “shove all 8 servings of those two side dish packets in your face”. I didn’t. I took 2 Benadryl when the younger two took a nap. Woke up about 2 hr later when they did. Then again, my body just wanted to shove fucking anything down my throat.

So what did I do? Heat left overs for dinner? All the tasty healthy stuff for the week? AHAHAHA yeah ok. Spent 33$ at Wendy’s. I hate fast food. My kids don’t really like it, my husband will eat it if we travel. I literally just picked anything off the menu for everyone and kids meals. I scarfed down shit ton of water and a cheeseburger. Got vehemently sick. Purged. Scarfed down some small frenchfries and some lemonade that tasted like sugar water. Purge. And ofc luck have it, massive nose bleed during. Didn’t stop me. I felt like my body wanted to intentionally kill itself.

I ate some starburst and tried to purge but candy is so fucking stupid hard to do and I know my stomach is all fucked up right now. So what did I do? Wait for the kids to be in bed, read a book with my youngest, and promptly went to have a few drinks.

I feel like the shittiest person and the worst fucking mother. I don’t know what broke in me today. If I drink I stop feeling like food is a scape goat. But now I’m drinking. I drank once this week (halloween) already and to drink again feels like I’m just escaping reality. I guess I am. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me today but I’m so thankful that I have three incredibly wonderful children to live for day in, day out.

I’m sorry I just needed to get it out. To someone, anyone. This time a journal and a drawing can’t save my mind.

[Help] HELP..working long-hours with an Ed
Created: Sat Nov 4 20:12:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auzpd/helpworking_longhours_with_an_ed/
Hi everyone! I have never really posted before, but this is one of my favorite subs for obvious reasons (have had ANA/EDNOS for over ~10y). Im currently a 23yo female who is about to get a real job and Im beyond scared :(( I have good days and never been IP, but I feel like a ticking bomb who is about to explode at any given moment. With an Ed I dont know whether I can cope with a stressful job. I just graduated from med school and the next step is to get into residency, which basically means I will be working around 50h/week, under a lot of pressure, starting January. If you are wondering how I managed through med school, well...I have lived at my mom’s through college and I have put myself through hell to not fail any year, but my academic performance was quite mediocre.
Plus I dread the day anyone finds out about my anorexia. Im barely underweight and none of my oblivious friends and collegues ever suspected so far... xD
But what if they do!? What if I cant fake anymore?!

Anyone here can offer me some advice? Honestly, I believe I was better off dead. :( and please forgive any language mistakes, but english is not my first language.

[Help] Tumblr thinspo blog recs?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 19:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auv02/tumblr_thinspo_blog_recs/

I feel so alone
Created: Sat Nov 4 19:18:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aupro/i_feel_so_alone/

[Rant/Rave] Mother is a nurse for EDs and always angry at me?
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aulir/mother_is_a_nurse_for_eds_and_always_angry_at_me/
To preface this i don't have an eating disorder. Maybe some disordered habits like restricting to 800cal a day and obsessively planning, weighing and counting food but that's it. Bmi 19? So I'm not underweight.

My mother is a nurse for people with eating disorders. Anytime she sees me weighing food or i excitedly mention a low cal recipe she gets angry and says stuff like "You're not coming to *my* ward" or "Your face looks gaunt like the girls in my ward"

What do I do? How do i get her to back off?

[Rant/Rave] I want a thigh gap so badly
/u/deadpic [62.5 in | nah | ~22 | 0.003 | no gender]
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:38:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auhx0/i_want_a_thigh_gap_so_badly/
I've been running 5-6 days a week for about a month and a half but I'm still a size 4-6 in pants (although I've lost much stomach fat).

Running has decreased by outer thigh fat dramatically, but not so much inner thighs.

What can I do to lose thigh fat? I've read that thigh fat is harder to lose (because it's subcutaneous and not visceral, blah blah science) but I am *determined* to get one.

I just don't want to resort to plastic surgery.

[Rant/Rave] Found new protein bar
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7augbm/found_new_protein_bar/
So I don't know if a lot of you have Harris Teeter or probably Kroger as well but Simple Truth protein bars are 89 cents and 21 grams of protein and range from 190-230 calorie!

Good flavors so far and much cheaper than quest bars 😅

[Tip] Gelatin and miracle noodle soup
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:17:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7audqr/gelatin_and_miracle_noodle_soup/
Making soup with a gelatin water base and using miracle zero cal noodles for the bulk is so filling and great for cold weather! I did 3 cups water with 4 tablespoons gelatin powder, 1 package fettuccine noodles, 1/2 cup of beet juice and sauerkraut juice, added 1 cup dry sauerkraut, 2 cup small beet cubes, and a few orange carrot slices with a little pepper and garlic seasoning for 150cal a serving (3 total)and very filling! The noodles go right through you and take on the flavor of your seasonings if you simmer them in the gelatin/water base first. Also add the beets LAST mine blanched and it took away that sweetness that balances the sauerkraut out.

Really you can add anything you want to make a soothing soup within your caloric goals.

[Rant/Rave] So sick of this shit (rant, ignore me)
/u/FeedMeDreams [5'5" | 66.9kg | 24.6 | F | bulimic]
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:06:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aub6x/so_sick_of_this_shit_rant_ignore_me/
So I put on weight again because of my b/p indulgence which has been worse than usual lately. I care, but I don't care. I ran out of money again, I'm falling behind at work again, I never talk to my friends, I never leave the house except to go to work or buy binge food. I hate my life and I want it to end but I know I'll never have the courage to end it myself. I don't even want to recover any more, or get better, I just want to be skinny again.

Anyway I have yet another eating plan which is quite restrictive and ambitious and probably won't work, but it's the only solution I can think of. It's very low-carb so I'll feel like I'm dying, and very bland and repetitive so I'll get bored of it but at least I won't have to make any decisions. I wish I could channel all this frustration into restricting, but I just don't have it in me. I don't think any of this will ever change.

[Thinspo] Fav thinspo
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:04:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auaw4/fav_thinspo/

[Discussion] Does anyone else put off going to the doctor b/c they know they're going to be weighed?
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:04:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auaro/does_anyone_else_put_off_going_to_the_doctor_bc/
It's so stressful.

[Thinspo] Thinspooo favs
Created: Sat Nov 4 18:03:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auald/thinspooo_favs/

Created: Sat Nov 4 18:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7auafq/nfjeic/

[Thinspo] Thinspo edits I made from Satanorexia bodychecks.
Created: Sat Nov 4 17:59:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7au9w4/thinspo_edits_i_made_from_satanorexia_bodychecks/

[Other] Finding a picture of me @14 at the worst of my ED makes me want to go back. Those jeans were a UK4 (0) and I’ve pretty much doubled in size since recovery
/u/ireallylikerent [5'1" | GW: 80lbs | Post-Recovery | 16F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 17:40:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7au5z7/finding_a_picture_of_me_14_at_the_worst_of_my_ed/

[Rant/Rave] Someone noticed my weight loss, red flags are raising for people
/u/whatsupbuttercup5 [5'3" | CW 102.0 | GW 92 | HW 124 | LW 98 | 25F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 17:14:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7au0wx/someone_noticed_my_weight_loss_red_flags_are/
I'll try to keep this brief. Basically my friend (Laura) is pretty aware of what is going on with me. I see her like 40+ hrs a week in class, and then often more outside of that, and I'm pretty open about how much I'm eating (about 650 cals per day, often less). I've dropped 10 pounds in the past month.

So Laura is getting pretty concerned I have an ED. I maintain I don't because I feel like it's a choice with a clear GW in mind. She said if it got worse she might have to go to my faculty advisor out of concern and she knows I have a good relationship with advisor.

So the other day I had to go see advisor for something and she asked me if I lost weight. (This woman is HELLA observant and insightful. I think she can like read people's souls through their eyes or something.) I told her yes. She thought it was thyroid related (she knows I have a thyroid problem) and I said it was intentional. Stupid probably but I'm honestly proud of my self-restraint and didn't want it to be considered accidental.

So she looked kinda surprised and I was like no don't worry I'll stop at goal and she's like "well I think you're there." lol and I told her people are keeping an eye on me and someone tried to stage an intervention on me already. She's like 'well now I'm keeping an eye on you too.' Great. She will DEF notice now. She also told us a story in class a few months ago about her friend in HS who had an eating disorder so I feel like she's extra observant.

So I told Laura about this. NEXT day Laura has to go see another faculty member for something. Basically says she was planning to go see my advisor to discuss me but didn't have time. I basically think it's a matter of time now. Dreading to get called in.

I just don't even know where to go from here. At this point Laura knows everything, so even if I start lying (I HATE lying), the two of them are going to notice and conspire. And I'm conflicted because I feel AWESOME that someone who didn't even know what was going on noticed the weight loss but I also feel shitty for this poor faculty member who got stuck with me and all my issues.

Thanks for reading. Desperately need some kind of response from people who get it.

[Discussion] How much do y'all wanna lose before Christmas Day/New Years?
Created: Sat Nov 4 17:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atz4r/how_much_do_yall_wanna_lose_before_christmas/

[Rant/Rave] I’ve eaten so much recently I’ve gone back to my starting weight. How do I stop bingeing? How do I stop being a fat disappointment?
/u/OperatingOnScientist [5'3 | 128.6lbs | 23.41 | F | UGW 100lbs]
Created: Sat Nov 4 17:03:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atyrk/ive_eaten_so_much_recently_ive_gone_back_to_my/

[Tip] new soup recipe
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sat Nov 4 16:45:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atvbc/new_soup_recipe/

[Help] Purging question
/u/letmebelittle [5'7" | CW: 122.8 lbs | BMI: 19.2 | WL: 87 lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Nov 4 16:45:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atv8p/purging_question/
Does purging ever make you feel really light-headed and exhausted? I just purged for the second time today (which is normal for me), but am feeling extra garbage-y after this time around. Has anyone else ever felt like this after purging? Moreso, was it an indicator of a more serious issue bc I'm so not down for having to deal with consequences for my shitty behaviour LOL

An ED prisoner's dilemma...
/u/jjfmish [5'6 | HW:163lbs CW:148lbs GW:120lbs | 19/F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 16:38:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7attvv/an_ed_prisoners_dilemma/

[Thinspo] A little selfspo. Throwback to around a year ago. I will be back there, I swear.
Created: Sat Nov 4 16:10:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ato9w/a_little_selfspo_throwback_to_around_a_year_ago_i/

Throwback to about a year ago. I wish I could go back.
Created: Sat Nov 4 16:00:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atltz/throwback_to_about_a_year_ago_i_wish_i_could_go/

[Rant/Rave] The most stubborn 3IBS ever????
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW: 142 |CW: 125 |20.6 |GW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 15:45:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atiq1/the_most_stubborn_3ibs_ever/
I’m literally so frustrated. Between Halloween candy (which I really only ate in moderation on Halloween and the day after) and literally the smallest amount of Chinese food a few days ago, I went from 125-126 to 128-129. I’ve been drinking water and working out and doing everything I could but I feel like the weight still isn’t coming off and I’m confused and concerned. Even on the days I ate candy, I didn’t eat more than 500 calories. I’m praying that I didn’t somehow gain legitimate weight and that this is still bloating from my period and stuff but I feel gross and uuughgg
This is like a repeat of my last post but I’m freaking out because I go to FL in 3 days and I just want to be at a low weight. Doesn’t help that I’ll be staying with family and restricting will likely be a bit harder. I’m just so freaked out. I don’t want to gain weight and I’m already looking in the mirror and seeing myself as fat even though I know I’m not but it’s fat to my standards and I’m like making myself miserable uuuughggghgg

The most stubborn 3 IBS ever????
Created: Sat Nov 4 15:44:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7atigq/the_most_stubborn_3_ibs_ever/

[Discussion] planning a weeks worth of meals?
Created: Sat Nov 4 15:24:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ateka/planning_a_weeks_worth_of_meals/
okay so i just planned out everything im going to eat for 7 days, put it all in little plastic baggies and labelled the bags with the day of the week and the calories. i feel like this will help me not binge if i tell myself "this is all of the food you can have today in this bag" idk if it's a good idea because if i fuck up i'll be so disappointed and sad. i'll try it out for a week and see what happens, i guess. i just wanted to type this out

[Rant/Rave] i have never considered myself fat until today.
Created: Sat Nov 4 15:01:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7at9ub/i_have_never_considered_myself_fat_until_today/
today, i argued with my mom, and was sent over to my dads house. i have been having a bad day. to make it worse, my dad felt the need to compare
me, a fourteen year old 5’3 135lbs teenager, to his 35 year old petite 5’0 95lbs wife. every time i visit his house, he always says something about my size. last time i came over, he said to my fifteen year old brother “do you tell people you have a little big sister? do you tell your friends she’s bigger than you?” i cried on the way home. today, he says “(insert my name) are you bigger than (insert wife name) yet?” she refuses to stand next to me, and tells him its wrong to compare her weight to a growing teenage girl. my dad then goes to my little brother, and says “this is your big sister. see, she’s not little like your other sisters (my other sisters are 9 and 12, and he wasn’t talking about age.) i cried again, in the bathroom for ten minutes. i feel awful, and i feel fat again for the first time in 2 years. thank you, dad. thank you for giving me even more of a reason to restrict until i am finally 115lbs.

[Discussion] first successful purge in three years today
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1|CW 200|GW 110|-20|22/M]
Created: Sat Nov 4 14:59:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7at9i8/first_successful_purge_in_three_years_today/

[Rant/Rave] Not EVERYTHING is because of my ED
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 14:21:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7at1ke/not_everything_is_because_of_my_ed/
Rant incoming

I’m so tired of my friends and family attributing everything to me ED. Tired? “Well hmm maybe eat more.” Oh I guess working 80 hours this we and no sleep last night doesn’t matter. Back sore? “Well hmm if you didn’t exercise so much.” Oh it couldn’t be that I slept in an uncomfortable position or slipped and fell. They don’t even recognize progress it’s like they ignore key words. “I’m going to rest today instead of my usual workout.” “And you wonder why you always feel bad?” Wtf! I didn’t say I felt bad and I just said I’m doing less. It’s like you can’t win for losing, it’s so hurtful. I’m not just my disorder. Nor can I change overnight.

[Help] Migraines
Created: Sat Nov 4 13:53:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7asvdl/migraines/

I have a question for y'all about migraines. I've been restricting heavily lately and it's been causing migraine issues during work hours. I'm guessing it's because of the skipped meals and migraine pills aren't helping anymore. So does anyone have any recommendations on how to help the pain?

[Rant/Rave] A crazy rant about my ridiculous eating, feel free to ignore it
Created: Sat Nov 4 13:45:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7astmk/a_crazy_rant_about_my_ridiculous_eating_feel_free/
I have at various points thought that I might have anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, bed, and ednos. Literally all of those (not all at the same time obviously). People have kind of accused me of having anorexia before, but they were never completely suspicious. Right now, I just think maybe I'm making up my symptoms? I don't know. I can't even remember a time when I ate normally. I've been overeating ever since I was a little kid, for a few different reasons. I was always pretty skinny and people would always say things like "eat a cheeseburger" or whatever as a compliment(?), and other people would tell me that I wouldn't always be that skinny because I wouldn't always have such a fast metabolism or whatever, so I just started eating as much as I physically could to "prove them wrong". At least that's what I remember. That started when I was really young, so I would constantly go through patterns of being skinny, eating a ton then getting fat, having a huge growth spurt then being really skinny again, and the cycle would repeat until I hit puberty. By that point my overeating was so bad that I thought that a 3000 calorie pizza was a normal lunch, and I was super possessive over and obsessed with food. I was basically binge eating, but at that point I didn't even notice because I just grew up eating way too much, and it's sad because I think a lot of it started out of spite. When I stopped having growth spurts to cancel out my overeating, I got to a 27.4 bmi (5'2" 150 lbs) and stayed there for a while, but I actually didn't care that I was overweight, because I had a lot of muscle and honestly didn't look as heavy as I was. I started to skip meals sometimes though, and eventually I ended up losing around 20 lbs without even trying. For whatever reason, seeing that I lost weight was my motivation to actually try losing weight, which is what I did around a year ago. I downloaded an app to count calories and did that for a while eating around 1000-1300, with some days less and some more when I was counting, but I was counting on and off again for a while. I think my goal weight was 120 lbs. I started to skip meals more frequently and eat less towards the end of spring/beginning of summer. I would have a lot of days under 700ish and it was a new goal of mine to try to eat as little as possible. Then, at some point, I decided to go vegan and stop counting calories. I did count on some days though, and I was definitely undereating. I tried really hard to limit my foods. I went on vacation at some point in the summer for a few days and that began an almost endless binge cycle for me though. I think I was around 100 lbs (which is close to underweight for my height but not quite) and still vegan when I went on the vacation. I binged the entire time though, stopped being vegan, and basically haven't stopped binging since. I spend a full 2 or 3 months eating 3000+ calories per day, and gained 20 lbs back, then since then it's slowed to closer to like 2000+ per day. During the past few weeks, I've had a few random >1000 calorie days. I haven't eaten anything today, haven't gotten my period in months, haven't stopped thinking about food in forever, and am terrifed of gaining weight on of stopping counting calories. I don't know exactly why I wrote this, but it felt good to get it all written down. Sorry if I seem absolutely insane, and sorry if you read all of this, since I know there's really no meaning.

I think I really just need someone to tell me that there is some truth to my belief that I have an eating disorder, and I guess if anyone has any advice or anything I'd appreciate that. Or just let me know if you read all of that. I guess I just want to feel valid.

[Discussion] Sometimes I eat al that I can find other times I can't eat anything
Created: Sat Nov 4 13:22:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7asovo/sometimes_i_eat_al_that_i_can_find_other_times_i/

[Rant/Rave] I've found my new favorite safe food
Created: Sat Nov 4 13:18:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7asnus/ive_found_my_new_favorite_safe_food/
Fucking eggs guys. I love eggs. One egg isn't too many calories(70) and they're super high in protein. Plus, you can eat them like 10 million different ways. Soft boiled, hard boiled, scrambled, sunny side up, etc. I love eggs. Egg whites are even lower in calories too! Super filling, super yummy, and you don't even have to add salt to make it palatable. I can take that hard boiled eggs to go, literally anywhere. K love eggs guys.

[Other] Eating disorders and mental illness are Wonderful, I just love them 🖤😔😂🙃
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Sat Nov 4 13:03:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7askq0/eating_disorders_and_mental_illness_are_wonderful/
So I don't own a scale but want to weigh in so badly. I've been so good at restricting and know I lost weight. In the summer I went to bed bath and beyond "scale shopping" to weigh myself. If I buy one I may kill myself, so right now how clothes fit and measurements are my thing. Now it's cold, how can I go "scale shopping" and not look crazy 🙃

Also I was platinum blonde, so beautifully platinum it took me 7 months to get there. I find identity in my hair for years and the ability to add fun pastels etc made me happy. in a rush of bipolar madness I dyed it dark dark brown....,why. Can we literally say black and white thinking. DSM right there lolol I hate me sooooooo much!

[Rant/Rave] What I love about the proED sub
Created: Sat Nov 4 12:53:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7asijo/what_i_love_about_the_proed_sub/
I am not practicing an ED at the moment, but I did have anorexia briefly many years ago when I was in high school.

Although, I don't agree with many of the proED folks being so hard on themselves, I **do** appreciate how *honest* so many of you guys are with the struggles you are having with self esteem, relationships, etc.

Plus, I love the way so many of you are so supportive to one another in your struggles.

It does my heart good to see a little corner of kindness on the web. Hugs to all of you who are having a hard time.

<3 <3 <3

[Discussion] How long do EC stacks last?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: who knows? | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 12:39:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7asfd3/how_long_do_ec_stacks_last/
Pretty much what it says in the title. How long do they last before you should take another? Since they burn off additional calories I want to make sure to maximize their effect but I don't want to take them too frequently either.

[Rant/Rave] Binge mode + gorgeous blonde model types = devastating feeling of inadequacy that just sends me into an awesome shame spiral. Anybody else? Anybody? Please.
/u/Bridget6th [5'8" | CW135 | 20.5 | UGW119 | 32F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 12:33:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7asdyu/binge_mode_gorgeous_blonde_model_types/
So the SO is out of town until Monday and one of my bff's came into town so myself, her and our other bff all went out for a three musketeers ladies night. I love them and wouldn't miss it for the world but holy shit my friends can drink. I stick to vodka but every time I'm done I just feel like I've bombed myself into caloric oblivion between drinks and dinner. So, I'm on my way home, feeling just gungey and fat and since nobody is there I decide I'm getting binge McD's cause it's one of my all time fav binge foods.

So I pull up to McD's and the drive through is just around the block. I almost never go inside cause I'm so embarrassed by how much I order, but I just figure fuck it. Go inside, its pretty empty so I feel ok. Get in line behind a mom ordering with her kids and RIGHT as I step in line, in walk three gorgeous, tall, blonde, thin early 20's girls all done up in super cute fall outfits (most likely going to the college football game). They get behind me and I just shrivel up inside and wanna die. They start talking about what they'll order and one says "gawd, why do they put the calories on there. I don't wanna know that." Of course you don't, because you're just naturally gorgeous like every other girl I grew up with like you. The Midwest is rampant with them. It's like an Aryan race wet dream out here and then there's dark haired, big boned, big nosed, deep voiced me.

I ordered as fast and quietly as I could and the WORST part was their food was ready before mine because they all got like, ONE sandwich and disgusting binge face me got all this crap to shovel into my gaping maw. I could just feel them like, judging me, I swear. So I came home and ate everything cause I'm a gross pig and now I'm just thinking of when and what I'll go binge next. I have a whole weekend to do it, so why not. I'll never be that way no matter HOW thin I get, so why try.

[Rant/Rave] I wish I could want to be big
/u/aziz18023 [5'7| CW: 111 | GW: 105 | M/15]
Created: Sat Nov 4 12:12:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7as9ed/i_wish_i_could_want_to_be_big/
I want to fucking go back to lifting and actively trying to eat as many calories as possible to gain weight but the idea of gaining muscle mass is just so fucking disgusting to me, I can't do it. Being this skinny has left me vulnerable too many times but it doesn't matter, I have to keep losing weight; I just want the desire to gain weight again. I wish I could just switch at will between being 90 lb 5'3 and a 6'2 220 lb grown ass man

[Rant/Rave] you know it's bad when...
/u/haricotsbear [5'0 | CW land mammal | GW 100 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 12:06:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7as823/you_know_its_bad_when/
..you can't eat solid food but it's chill.
(CW teeth issues)

Hi, hello, hey. I'm 26/F and have had one kind or another of an eating disorder since I was around 12. The brief but intense bulimia from high school is what's catching up to me now in the form of shitty, rotting and fragile teeth. And what do I have to show for it? An obese BMI and a fucked up face.

So I broke a molar last week, like the entire wall of it just came off, what the actual hell. I'm having it pulled at the end of the month and eventually getting an implant put in to the tune of $5k. For one tooth. One. The rest of my bottom teeth and molars are completely ruined as well.

But I can't eat any solid foods because the dentist is afraid I'll crack more so I've got that going for me? (:

[Discussion] I’m sick and have to eat but don’t want to :( This is what I made myself
Created: Sat Nov 4 12:03:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7as7hk/im_sick_and_have_to_eat_but_dont_want_to_this_is/

[Tip] Can we create a list of really filling but low calorie foods/recipes?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.2 | -27.8 | F | G: 99]
Created: Sat Nov 4 11:51:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7as4pe/can_we_create_a_list_of_really_filling_but_low/

[Help] [TW: suicide and gore] Decided I needed to recover, which coincided with a family breakdown. The result was a failed, messy suicide attempt. I feel so defeated, and so depressed. Sharing with this community is the only positive thing I can do right now ♥️
/u/FastPhoria [5'10 | 117.5 | 16.4 / 16.8 | UGW: 119?? | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 11:46:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7as3ik/tw_suicide_and_gore_decided_i_needed_to_recover/
So a few weeks ago, I had an emotional meltdown and realised that I couldn't continue to indulge my anorexia any longer; my ambitions in life are modest, but I can see clearly that anorexia has the power (and, when I had this epiphany, also had the momentum) to take all of these things from me. I don't want to lose my life to my ED - I'm sure nobody here does - so I decided to Do Recovery. Just like that. Boom! ED begone! I'm so fucking stupid.

First of all I made an appointment to see a therapist, who said that a requisite condition of continuing appointments with her would be to have a proper weigh-in and disclose my ED to my doctor. I made the appointment for the weigh-in and then just... panicked. I wanted to restrict for the week before the weigh-in, because I was scared of the numbers, but also I was Doing Recovery so I wanted to start eating above maintenance. So I did this weird alternating fast-binge thing that probably averaged out around or slightly above maintenance.

Then I made the mistake of getting on the scale after a salty meal the night before, and saw I'd put on 4lbs. Maybe I could have dealt with this, even with the impending weigh-in, but then....

.... it turns out that my dad is a sociopathic monster, who aside from having an affair (which I had already found out about) has been bullying my ten year old brother, my step-mother and my step-brother for years. My actual mother died when I was a teenager, so this is my entire family. I had to drop everything and drive over there because the proverbial was hitting the fan left, right and centre.

I have always idolised my father. People have always said how similar we are as people, and that has felt like the biggest compliment I could ever receive. Now I see that I have been deceived, by him and by myself. I have always made excuses for him, and "rounded him up" (does that make sense?). He is not a good person. He is selfish. He is a bully. This all hit me last Monday and I just felt like the world had been pulled out from under my feet. In the moment I just lost it and decided I didn't want to live anymore. So I gouged my tattoo out of my forearm (my dad and I had matching ones), and slit my wrist for good measure. It was pretty much exactly as gruesome as it sounds... retrospectively I don't know how I did it.

I am so ashamed of the decision now. I know it was just that everything converged to make the perfect storm, but for fucks sake it really was the most pathetic way of dealing with it. And I'm 100% relieved that I'm not dead, as I want to be here for my family... especially my little brother. I don't know. I don't understand what happened in my brain at that point. I guess I just feel like I've lost my illusion of identity. I am just an eating disorder, I am just my father's daughter. But I don't want to be either of those things, and it short-circuited something in my head in that moment, maybe.

I'm back home now (I don't live with my family, I'm at university 150 miles or so away from them), and I am feeling pretty empty. People here don't know what I did and I think I want to keep it that way for now. And it sounds ridiculous (*CHORUS: Because it issssss!!!*), but the main difficulty I'm having today is not knowing how or what to eat. Like I'm not gonna lie, Doing Recovery didn't go so well. My ED wants restriction. Every part of me is terrified by the fine-line of maintenance. I am just so confused and exhausted by food thoughts.

I'm sorry, this probably isn't even the place for me to pour this out, but this community has always been so kind and supportive, so understanding and so human, that it feels like the safest place to say these things "out loud". I have missed this community while I have been gone, even though it has only been a couple of weeks it feels like ages. And I hope hope hope that everybody is doing okay. Love to you all ♥️♥️♥️

[Rant/Rave] Back on my meds like
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 11:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7arxnz/back_on_my_meds_like/

Tfw you love baking but hate eating.
Created: Sat Nov 4 11:15:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7arwck/tfw_you_love_baking_but_hate_eating/

[Rant/Rave] Exploding Everything
/u/StuDented [1.64m|CW: ?|GW: 55kg|UGW: 50kg|BMI: ?|Gender: F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 11:12:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7arvtb/exploding_everything/
(on mobile, please flair as rant/rave)

Everything is exploding...

BOOM! I sit down and feel my hips are exploding sideways so I fill the fucking chair, spreading out like a burst dam.

BOOM! I try and exercise and I feel like my heart and lungs are exploding because I'm so fucking unfit.

BOOM! I feel good for restricting, then realise how my useless, fat, failed body is still there and my mind explodes with anger and hate towards every fucking extra inch on my carcass.

And the thing is, I just want to implode. You know in old cartoons, when the screen wraps itself up and disappears into a dot and that's a wrap? I'd very much like to wrap up in myself, into my mind, into a tiny body, and disappear.

[Rant/Rave] I wish I was Invisible
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW 131|GW 115| F21]
Created: Sat Nov 4 10:53:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7arrut/i_wish_i_was_invisible/
It's funny because I feel like I'm so so fat and look gross and unattractive which leads me to restrict and purge & then when I get attention from guys I hate it. I absolutely hate the idea that anyone is looking at me or thinking about me or judging me I just wish I could be invisible. And twice within the past month I have been sexually groped despite showing very very clear signs of not wanting to be touched/not wanting to hook up with someone and it just makes me want to restrict more? It's like. Part of me wants to be attractive and the other part wants me to be so unattractive that no one ever looks at me again or no one ever touches me again. This is the closest thing I have to turning myself invisible.

[Discussion] anybody else really want dainty hands with freakishly long fingers? I feel like no matter how much weight I lose I will have shrek hands (no shrek hate though, I love shrek)
/u/placentagumbo [5'8" | CW 135 | GW 115 | UGW ?? | 26F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 10:33:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7arnkk/anybody_else_really_want_dainty_hands_with/

[Other] Had a bad week but I’m breaking the cycle with a fast
/u/dbk1982 [5'2" 35F |SW 214 | CW 200 | LW 140| UGW 115]
Created: Sat Nov 4 09:29:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ara57/had_a_bad_week_but_im_breaking_the_cycle_with_a/
We had a bit of a family emergency which stressed me out and I just ate like crap. Large bowls of pasta, nachos pizza rolls...gained five pounds so now I have to shed it. Started a fast last night at midnight. I’m at my parents house and they won’t notice if I don’t eat. Aiming for 35 hrs.

[Rant/Rave] I hate the weekends
Created: Sat Nov 4 09:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ar6j5/i_hate_the_weekends/
I'm so good about restricting during the week when I'm busy working. I avoid coming home after work by going to the gym for as long as I can so that I don't just eat all evening. The weekends kill me though. I have too much time to think about eating and how my life is a mess. I need the extra sleep on the weekends to recover from the week but the rest of the day just kills me. I know I'll burn out if I get another job but I'm considering it just to distract me from food.

[Rant/Rave] In other news my scale is sentient. Or possessed.
/u/FireForSale [27F| 5'2.5" | LW: 92 | GW: 103 | CW: 187]
Created: Sat Nov 4 09:03:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ar4ou/in_other_news_my_scale_is_sentient_or_possessed/
Okay. I might be going insane or my scale might be sentient. It could be possessed. I’m open to all possibilities here!

So hi. I have an ED. We all know that. I weigh myself a lot. That’s kind of a given.

Two mornings ago I weighed in at 182.5 lbs. I was as happy as expected. That’s six lbs lost in a a little over a week and a half. Yay.

Yesterday I weighed in at 189. The fuck? That... can’t be right. I’ve been fasting and restricting and shitting for days.

(Insert tears here.)

This morning I needed consistent numbers. I was going to get on and off the scale until I had the same numbers three times in a row.

Attempt #1: 182.5.
Attempt #2: 181.5
Attempt #3: 183
Uh oh...

Attempt #4: 189
Attempt #5: 188.5


This demonic piece of crap is going into the garbage! Today I’m buying a smart scale, you know the super sensitive/accurate ones from GNC that can sync with your phone

But... now what do I log as my weight today?

[Discussion] It's hard to reach 1200 calories.
/u/VirideGliridae [5'3" | F29 | GW: 100lbs | UGW: 90lbs for now]
Created: Sat Nov 4 08:50:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ar224/its_hard_to_reach_1200_calories/
I upped my intake from averaging 400-500 kcal a day recently, because I was getting sick (there's no heating in my apartment and I was constantly in pain from the cold or so sluggish I couldn't function). I've been averaging about 1,100 kcal a day for the past couple of weeks and I'm still losing weight - nowhere near as much as I'd like, about 1lb a week (and omg poop weight is a serious thing I have to remind myself not to freak out about now), but it's so hard. I feel like I'm gorging myself on huge quantities of food, but I'm not even eating at my BMR, let alone my TDEE.

I thought eating at maintenance would be like a dream, getting to eat all that delicious food, but it feels like...so much volume. The only way I can make it to over 1000 is with high calorie but low volume food like chocolate bars or peanut butter, because eating that amount of fruit and veg makes me feel so full I might explode, but obviously this isn't very healthy. I usually have my normal 400kcal dinner then some toast and peanut butter and some fruit or cheese to try and push it up a bit, but...how am I ever gonna be healthy? How do people do this? How did I used to eat 1800 kcal a day and feel normal...? I'm trying to be sensible but I feel like I'm gaining even when my clothes still get looser and my scale still shows lower numbers.

Yesterday I didn't eat til after 9pm, I'd normally have my one meal at around 6pm latest but someone convinced me to go to a fireworks show and there was no way I was gonna eat fireworks-show-food (who the fuck knows how many kcal that is) in front of a bunch of people I don't know. By the time I got home at 9.30pm I didn't even feel hungry anymore, but I DID make myself eat some vegetable curry because I couldn't feel my hands from the cold.

Am I actually sick? I was always paranoid about going back to eating large quantities and being "fat" but now it seems to be the other way around, eating large amounts is physically and mentally difficult. 1100 seems OK healthwise. My hair isn't falling out as much, I'm not so painfully cold, I don't feel so disconnected from reality, and don't get me wrong, pooping every day is magical. But actually EATING all of that is...really hard.

How can I be OK with an occasional 2500 binge day surrounded by 400 kcal "normal" days, but not OK with an average day of 1100 kcal?

I feel so alone right now. I don't even know what to do. I'm not super depressed anymore, I'm not suicidal - I haven't thought about it in months - but I don't really feel OK either. What is even wrong with me? Am I just fine and I just naturally don't have to eat much? Rhetorical questions.

I'm sure some people here can relate to trying to eat to a healthy amount. How do you deal with it? Do you think it's alright to fill the calories with stuff like PB or whatever for now? It's not nutritionally great, I know...

[Discussion] Other ED subreddits?
Created: Sat Nov 4 08:44:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ar0q2/other_ed_subreddits/
Do you guys use any other ED subs? Which ones are good/do y’all like??

[Rant/Rave] I've been binging for a week and can't stop and I don't know WHY it's happening
Created: Sat Nov 4 08:05:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aqt2r/ive_been_binging_for_a_week_and_cant_stop_and_i/

[Discussion] November 4th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 4 07:34:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aqnjt/november_4th_2017_question_of_the_day/
What did you make today?

[Discussion] DAE regret their recovery? Feel like my counsellor tricked me and that I didn’t get to enjoy my goal weight
Created: Sat Nov 4 07:20:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aql7l/dae_regret_their_recovery_feel_like_my_counsellor/

[Discussion] What’s a reasonable amount of time to lose 10 pounds?
Created: Sat Nov 4 06:45:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aqfjd/whats_a_reasonable_amount_of_time_to_lose_10/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! November 04, 2017
Created: Sat Nov 4 06:11:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aqabf/stupid_questions_saturday_november_04_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for November 04, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 04, 2017
Created: Sat Nov 4 06:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aqa5j/daily_food_diary_november_04_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] I had no idea I was this little! (I’m 5ft7in) How accurate are the eight/body fat scales at a pharmacy? Anyone else use them?
Created: Sat Nov 4 05:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aq5up/i_had_no_idea_i_was_this_little_im_5ft7in_how/

[Discussion] Males of r/proed, what's your story?
Created: Sat Nov 4 05:12:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aq2ms/males_of_rproed_whats_your_story/
How did this start for you? Also, what's your height SW, CW and GW??

My ED developed through rejection and depression.
SW: 180
CW: 145
GW: 125
Height: 69 inches

[Help] How do I make myself less ugly lmao
/u/tacehtelle [5"7 | 123.5 | ?? :( | idk lbs :( | Female]
Created: Sat Nov 4 02:31:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7apjpt/how_do_i_make_myself_less_ugly_lmao/
Like I just dont know what to do abt my face lol. If any one here is like a beauty guru or something can we like kik each other my kik is tacehtelle. Its like I know I have flaws but I just dont know them (?) specifically if that makes any sense?

[Discussion] Best fasts & cleanses for weight loss?
Created: Sat Nov 4 01:22:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7apc2u/best_fasts_cleanses_for_weight_loss/

[Other] MFP username swap?
Created: Sat Nov 4 01:15:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7apb5o/mfp_username_swap/

[Rant/Rave] Do ppl automatically think you're SO skinny if you don't have ass/tits, even at a regular weight?
Created: Fri Nov 3 22:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aoqmm/do_ppl_automatically_think_youre_so_skinny_if_you/
DAE experience this?

‪it's so bizarre how‬
‪when u don't have ass or tits they think ur skinny af‬
‪But in reality you can be at a normal weight and bmi like 22 without having them ‬

‪When my butt was flat ppl thought I was so skinny but i actually wasn't...,,,,,, I was at a normal/average weight with a flat ass. Maybe It's also because I have no hips, also 5'8

But it's like you could have weight in your stomach and thighs but once they see that your butt and boobs are small that's sooo skinny

‪Why do they think that OMG‬

The reason I'm annoyed is because yes I'm trying to lose weight but at the same time i don't want people to think (err, suspect) i have a prob if my ass gets flat again

[Help] Binging - antidepressant withdrawal?
/u/eyafrarri [5'6 | HW:160 | CW: 138 | GW: 120| LW: 127.4 | F/21]
Created: Fri Nov 3 22:30:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aopk5/binging_antidepressant_withdrawal/
eeeyy first time posting. I've been lurking for a bit and I'm really struggling rn, I've been binging on and off for about a week and i've gained 10lbs and i'm retaining all this water and my face is puffy and gross its the worst. I can't purge, and I'm kinda thankful bc I know how addictive it is but fuckkkkkkkk I just need some motivation or something? my binging has been so much worse lately and I'm pretty sure its bc I didn't take my lexapro for about 4 days now that I think about it, has anyone experienced shit like that?

[Help] I just vomited blood
Created: Fri Nov 3 21:55:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aok4r/i_just_vomited_blood/

[Discussion] Weird c/s habit... DAE?
Created: Fri Nov 3 21:53:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aoju5/weird_cs_habit_dae/

[Rant/Rave] I just binged and I honestly feel like it's going to be my last.
Created: Fri Nov 3 21:49:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aoj8p/i_just_binged_and_i_honestly_feel_like_its_going/

Criteria for inpatient?
Created: Fri Nov 3 21:43:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aoi8o/criteria_for_inpatient/

[Help] First Binge Ever... Can't Stop
/u/kvikerdragen [5'6.5" | 21F | CW 117.0 | GW 111 | HW 182]
Created: Fri Nov 3 21:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aocnk/first_binge_ever_cant_stop/
In my 8 or so years of issues with food, I can honestly say I've never binged before. There have been times in my life where I would eat an obscene amount of food / calories in one sitting / day, and sometimes there would be shame associated with it, but I never considered those binges. Just eating a lot.
Today, however, I believe I can say I have experienced (Am experiencing) a binge. And oh my God is it scary.
It's like... my brain is reminding me of food, and constantly screaming at me for having not eaten enough these past months and so now I have to feed myself to make up for everything I've missed. And I can't say no.
But at the same time I'm still hungry. I've eaten 5 large meals (More in each meal than I normally eat in a whole day) and like I'm still eyeing the pork in the refrigerator for another two sandwiches.
Part of that is probably that I've also purged everything I've eaten today... Which is something I haven't done since I was 16, and was sparing even back then.
I don't know what's going on any more. I almost feel more out of control right now than pre-suicide-attempt.
Please, how do I make it stop?

[Discussion] Does anyone else really like eating?
Created: Fri Nov 3 20:59:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aoay5/does_anyone_else_really_like_eating/
This is probably the number one reason why I don't believe I have an eating disorder. I like food and eating a lot, I even look forward to it and ask my parents pretty frequently if we can go out to restaurants. I usually end up overeating and feeling pretty bad about myself and guilty but I still love food. Can anyone else relate or am I just a crazy person who made up the idea in my head that I somehow have some kind of disordered eating?

[Help] I binged sooooo much
/u/ThinningEllie [5'4 | 200 | 34.3 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Nov 3 20:45:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ao8lx/i_binged_sooooo_much/

Another day.
Created: Fri Nov 3 20:43:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ao894/another_day/

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a poseur.
Created: Fri Nov 3 20:17:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ao3jf/i_feel_like_a_poseur/
I honestly don't think I have real problems with eating. I don't like eating, I WISH I could control myself around food. Still, I can go for weeks eating normally without caring. I delete all of my secret ed accounts and I'm fine. Then suddenly like a month later I see a picture, or hear someone mention eating disorders and I come right back. I don't get it. I binge constantly, why do I put myself through this? I could be a normal person, I know it. Somehow I got stuck in this endless cycle of eating normally, then attempting to restrict and agonizing over the fact that I can't.

Anyways hi, what's up? I'm new here I guess. I'm 16, my stats are 5'5" and 126lbs.

[Rant/Rave] I learned my pattern
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 100 | 16.84| GW 94 | F 22]
Created: Fri Nov 3 20:14:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ao2y5/i_learned_my_pattern/
I binge when I am sad rejected and angry. I can only hold my feeling for 3 days at time. This is why I'm getting fat. I'm a toxic waste of space and every three day all he'll breaks loose. Fuck me. I'm a bag a shit that eats her feelings and whines about it. I wish I was invisible, but I only create mass.

Created: Fri Nov 3 20:12:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ao2my/fitbit/

Created: Fri Nov 3 19:29:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7anv41/burned_600_cals_today_woooo/

developing a resistance to EC stacks
Created: Fri Nov 3 19:28:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7anuz1/developing_a_resistance_to_ec_stacks/

[Other] Honesty Time
/u/throwaway002300 [25 | 5'3" | CW 109 | BMI 19.3| GW 103| HW 160]
Created: Fri Nov 3 18:58:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7anoxa/honesty_time/
My family, husband and close friends know about my eating disorder and personality disorder. When I attempted recovery a few years ago and was active in treatment I told them mostly everything. Life has been extremely stressful lately, which is a huge trigger for disordered eating and other things. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m doing things my loved ones know are red flags that I’m spiraling. My husband has mentioned he’s worried about my emotional well being. My mom has explicitly expressed concern, especially about the weight loss. A couple of weeks ago she asked me, “are you concerned about your eating disorder right now?” And I flat out lied to her, even though we’re very close and open. I want to reach out to my husband, my parents, my friends, and express how deep of a hole I’ve dug myself into. Because I am suffering, and I am somewhat concerned. But I can’t make myself. And being honest, it’s because I don’t want help right now. I need the support and expression, but I am not ready to try recovery again. I continue to scream internally and cope as best I can to function on a daily basis, and pray I get my shit together eventually.

[Discussion] Can we talk about incontinence and purging real quick? And other physical symptoms...
Created: Fri Nov 3 18:37:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ankxb/can_we_talk_about_incontinence_and_purging_real/
The other day I decided to, 25 minutes before the start of my shift, purge my fucking McDonalds because *triggered.*

So I do the thing. Desperately.

Usually I purge in the shower, but since I was really pushed for time I just put two plastic liners in the garbage can and went to town.

The thing is when I actually purge while wearing clothes, I notice that I piss myself just a little. It's enough to be gross, though. I put a panty liner in and then changed underwear before going to work D: I'm probably pretty fucked up for that...

But I was wonder if this affects anyone else?

Also my therapist implied stomach ulcers come from restricting. Do they? I thought it was a side effect of purging too much. I don't think I've had one.

[Help] Would it be possible to do a 48 hour fast while working double shifts (lots of running around/carrying heavy things)?
/u/brita09234890235 [vora: brita | bmi 21.5]
Created: Fri Nov 3 18:17:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7anh1m/would_it_be_possible_to_do_a_48_hour_fast_while/
I want to do a 48 hour fast starting tonight but I work Saturday and Sunday at a restaurant where I do a lot of running around and some heavy lifting (dishes/trays etc). I know you need electrolytes and whatnot but all I have is powerade (130 calories I think?) And multivitamins. Would just a multivitamin be enough to keep me functioning? Or if I drank a powerade throughout the day? I can't go shopping for those electrolyte drops and stuff so it would have to be with what I already have on hand.

[Discussion] Fundamental changes after ED
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|117lb|22F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 18:02:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7anduq/fundamental_changes_after_ed/
this may seem off base, but something that i noticed during my eating disorder and the aftermath – granted, i was at my very worst many years ago – is how much i changed as a person. i became so obsessed with numbers and calories and weight and the pro-ed tumblr scene that my hobbies and interests fundamentally changed.

when i was a child and in my early teens, i was so creative and curious and intelligent. i got in trouble for reading in class, reading under the covers, i filled notebook after notebook with poems and stories. i had worlds inside my head. when i turned fifteen and my ED, and perhaps social media too, took over my life, i lost all that. and then when i recovered, i no longer had my ED to define me, and the identity crisis just has had me drifting ever since. i'm lucky to even read one book a year, haven't written anything in so long, grades are subpar...i can't come up with a good idea to save my life, and aside from my personal relationships i'm not really passionate about anything. i'm stuck in nostalgia-land for the person i used to be, before (sometimes during) my disorder.

i don't know if this had to do with my ED or if that's just what happens when you grow up, and i don't think i articulated this well, but i was wondering if anyone else can relate.

[Tip] One size fits all jeans, for before and after a month long binge
/u/Ultimatedream [5'6 | 130 | 21 | -41 | 25F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 17:38:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7an93e/one_size_fits_all_jeans_for_before_and_after_a/

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a phony. A big fat phony!
/u/ThisIsGumpy [Height 5'1| CW 112| GW 100]
Created: Fri Nov 3 17:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7an399/i_feel_like_a_phony_a_big_fat_phony/
I eat from 500-800 every day during the week and have my weekly "day off" on the weekend. My weekly average per day NEVER goes above 950. Yet, I feel like I am a phony.

Like I'm not sick enough? On one hand I'm all about it being a marathon, not a race (to prevent actual binge cycles that total well over 4000 a day). Yet, I feel like because I eat normally some days and the fact that NO ONE has noticed my weight loss I don't actually have an ED. I'm just some CICO freak wannabe???

All I know is that I want to be 105 by Christmas, if not below and this DOES have me on track for that. I can't trust the process or myself right now. I feel gross.

[Discussion] EC Stacks?
Created: Fri Nov 3 16:59:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7an0od/ec_stacks/
Can someone explain to me what an EC stack is and the set up? I've seen a ton of posts but I just don't understand what it is

[Discussion] Am I going insane?
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63 kg | BMI: 23.4 | -20.5 kg | 21F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 16:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7amsg1/am_i_going_insane/
I'm not sure if discussion is the right flair and I'm not sure if I can actually post it here because it's not really ED related but I don't think anyone else but you guys would/could understand me.

So, sunday I suddenly got biliary colic (for about 5 hours including vomiting) and had to be admitted into our local hospital, as you surely can imagine the pain was unspeakable and I got some dope ass painkiller. BUT on monday I didn't get anything (they forgot me) and it was fine..I was still in pain (the aftermath as you will) but it wasn't soo bad unless I moved around, until the evening where ut got a little worse again. Let's say the pain was enough to cause me trouble falling asleep. I accidentally managed to mess up my drip so that needle thingy had to be removed (no liquidy pain killer for me anymore).

And here is why I think I'm insane:
They told me that uf I was in pain I should just eing die the nurse and they'd give me some oral pain killers. Guess whose stupid ass nodded, never rang the bell and suffered in silence? That's right! Me.
I told my mom it was because I was lazy but in reality I did it because I thought I deserved to be in pain. I kind of still think that I don't deserve to be comfortable and pain free. I don't deserve to be relieved because I'm a failure. And today was the first day since sunday I woke up pain free and felt bad about it? What sane person thinks like that?

My question: can anyone relate or am I the only one?

[Other] Friends?
Created: Fri Nov 3 15:48:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7amln2/friends/

More like sleeping to distract myself from the hunger pangs
/u/PleaseLoveMeAgain [5'2 | CW: 132lbs | GW: 110lbs | F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 15:43:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7amklw/more_like_sleeping_to_distract_myself_from_the/

[Help] Is there any way to STOP thinking about food for just a little bit?????
/u/water_77 [🍀🌺🍀]
Created: Fri Nov 3 15:38:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7amjey/is_there_any_way_to_stop_thinking_about_food_for/
I can't stop thinking about food 24/7, I'm sure most feel the same. But I've had it for so long that I just want to stop thinking about it for even an hour or day. I don't care if I eat food, binge, eat normally, lose weight, gain weight, or maintain. I don't care. I just want to now think about food. Please if anyone here has recovered I'd love some advice :(

[Rant/Rave] Dental work and terrified I’ll have to eat
Created: Fri Nov 3 15:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7amhnh/dental_work_and_terrified_ill_have_to_eat/
Kind of a stream of conciseness so, I’m getting a root canal done and I’m lowkey freaking out that they’ll tell me I have to eat something. I already won’t be able to smoke to curb my appetite and I don’t want to have to go through all of this and then have to eat. I’ve definitely cried a couple times already today because of the pain so I don’t give too many fucks but at the same time I don’t want to have to break my fast so soon.

[Rant/Rave] Fasting, stressed, rant.
Created: Fri Nov 3 14:51:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7am910/fasting_stressed_rant/
*Throwaway account* I’ve been feeling super depressed and stressed lately and I only ever look forward to eating. So I decided to fast. I’m 41 hours in and still feel super depressed. I’ve been torturing myself watching food network all day. I just feel at a loss. I don’t even want to eat or even feel hungry. I want to eat but I don’t want to screw up my fast like I’ve been screwing up other things. I just want to be good at something.

[Help] Lactose intolerance and calorie absorption?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | "recovering" | 🍑: cinnamonbicycle]
Created: Fri Nov 3 14:43:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7am7ay/lactose_intolerance_and_calorie_absorption/
So I've recently found out that I'm lactose intolerant, and someone told me that lactose intolerant people absorb less calories from lactose. They said they learned it in science class, but I couldn't find anything reliable online about it. Does anyone have any knowledge/experiences/thoughts on this?

[Discussion] Is anyone else paranoid that their height is wrong?
/u/jjfmish [5'6 | HW:163lbs CW:149lbs GW:120lbs | 19/F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 14:33:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7am51c/is_anyone_else_paranoid_that_their_height_is_wrong/
I realized that I've been saying I'm 5'6 for as long as I can remember, but I really don't know how I even figured that out. I think I just figured I must be 5'6 since I'm a little shorter than people who say they're 5'7 and a little taller than people who say they're 5'5. What if my TDEE is way lower than I thought? What if my BMI is way higher? HELP????

[Other] This body visualizer is the coolest thing I've ever seen
/u/RedxLoaf [5'7" | 158lbs | 40lbs Lost | 24F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 14:12:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7am0dt/this_body_visualizer_is_the_coolest_thing_ive/

[Discussion] Is anyone else like this?
/u/alexxxxis [5'9 | CW:132 | BMI: 19.5 | UGW: 108 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 14:08:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alze8/is_anyone_else_like_this/
I know a lot of people's safe foods are things like fibre one bars and fruits because they like them and they don't have a lot of calories. For me it's the opposite. I can't eat things I like even if they're low cal because I feel so fat for liking food. I only eat things that I don't really like because I can't associate food with enjoyment. Does anyone else do this too?

[Other] The only benefit of a long distance relationship
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 190 lb | GW: 120 lb | 22F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 14:01:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alxt3/the_only_benefit_of_a_long_distance_relationship/

[Discussion] Meal plan vs counting calories
Created: Fri Nov 3 13:54:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alw4f/meal_plan_vs_counting_calories/
I'm really sick of counting calories and eating an extra apple and it causing a binge. I hate focusing on numbers.

I made myself a meal plan to stick to... has anyone had success with this? It's high restricting with some extra carbs on days I lift

[Rant/Rave] i’m employed, except fml
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 138lbs | 22.36 | GW115 | nb]
Created: Fri Nov 3 13:41:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alsz2/im_employed_except_fml/
hey everyone! i’ve been gone for a really long time now. it’s been a weird few months of binge sessions and 0 self confidence. i missed y’all, but i’m so ashamed of my weight gain so i’ve been avoiding ed spaces.

anyways, i’ve gotten a new job! at taco bell. where i get free slushies and sodas. and tacos and burritos and cinnabon bites. and 50% discount on everything.

beyond that, i get fast food almost every day (sometimes multiple times a day!) i eat around 2k calories a day. i have no control, i’m broke from spending so much, i stopped going to the gym.

but i make $2 over minimum wage. hahaha...ha.

[Rant/Rave] As of this morning, the scale says I'm 91.8 lbs. I'm convinced it's broken because I look more like 98.
Created: Fri Nov 3 13:40:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alsuz/as_of_this_morning_the_scale_says_im_918_lbs_im/
Every October my ED hits me hard. No idea why. But it always, always happens without fail.

Now, I weighed myself for the first time in awhile.. And it says 91.8. I'm convinced it's broken or something. If someone looked at me, they'd guess 100. And it sucks. I've waited for this for so long and now I'm just disappointed and don't bekieve it.

Has anyone ever had their scale actually lie? Is it possible? I put it in the same spot as always, even kept my clothes on, and it's saying this. Any idea?

240 vs 239.5... when you start to suspect that even the dietician has an ED.
Created: Fri Nov 3 13:24:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alp0l/240_vs_2395_when_you_start_to_suspect_that_even/

[Rant/Rave] sort of panicking
Created: Fri Nov 3 13:16:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7almye/sort_of_panicking/

[Rant/Rave] I got my whoosh!
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:57:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alidx/i_got_my_whoosh/
I posted earlier this week that my scale hadn't moved for days and I was getting frustrated.
Eventually figured out it was because my period was due, and I've lost 1.9 kg since Saturday.
I could cry, I'm so happy.


In other news, I decided to have lunch today (a juiced grapefruit, some cucumber and celery 90c) and I've been hungry all afternoon and (*successfully*) fighting the urge to binge, when normally I fast all day until dinner and never get hungry.

[Other] The self-hatred today is making me physically sick.
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:57:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aliae/the_selfhatred_today_is_making_me_physically_sick/

[Rant/Rave] is there even any point in having more
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:38:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7alds1/is_there_even_any_point_in_having_more/

[Other] one McDonald’s sprite.
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:15:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7al8ad/one_mcdonalds_sprite/

[Rant/Rave] All I've done today is eat
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 123 | 21.4 | GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:06:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7al68a/all_ive_done_today_is_eat/

One small McDonald’s sprite.
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:05:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7al60w/one_small_mcdonalds_sprite/

[Rant/Rave] Triggering my boyfriend
Created: Fri Nov 3 12:03:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7al5gh/triggering_my_boyfriend/
Ive had an ED for about 7 years now and about three weeks ago i decided to tell my boyfriend about it.
When i told him, he explained that he too used to have an ED but is "compleatly recovered".
I am currently on a very restricted diet and i have noticed how he has stopped eating as well, i'm really worried for him since i really don't want him to relapse because of me. Is there anything i can do to help him or should i just leave him with it?

[Rant/Rave] gaining and loosing the same 20 pounds
Created: Fri Nov 3 11:50:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7al28l/gaining_and_loosing_the_same_20_pounds/
Up and down this stupid marry go round. I restrict and have control and then I’m triggered by someone and eat to make them think I’m okay which turns into a week of binging and pretending to be okay which turns into being back where I started over and over again. I want to make it stop. I want to have control . God fucking dam it all. So guess who’s starting a fast again? Me. Just a weekend fast today is okay , gotta keep my mind off of food . Sigh.

[Help] i’m falling off
Created: Fri Nov 3 11:46:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7al172/im_falling_off/
this whole week, i’ve been eating at 1,100 - 1,500 calories. my goal was to lose 8lbs this month and i’m not sure if that’s going to happen. this is all because of halloween, and parties, and pizza. i’m not going to weigh myself until the end of the month, because if i do it this week i KNOW it’s going to throw me off. does anyone have any tips on how i can get back on track, and stop binging? i’ve limited myself already to 3 pieces of candy a day, and then today i decided to binge on pizza. i honestly wish i could just eat like a normal person.

[Help] Where do you guys get Ephedrine for your EC stacks?
/u/miracleunicat [5'6 | CW: 110 | GW: 85]
Created: Fri Nov 3 11:14:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7akthr/where_do_you_guys_get_ephedrine_for_your_ec_stacks/

[Rant/Rave] Eating just makes me hungrier
/u/nyny2017 [5'7" | CW 130 | HW 144.5 | 20.4 | GW 112, lithe AF 🖤]
Created: Fri Nov 3 10:51:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aknnr/eating_just_makes_me_hungrier/
I wish I didn't have headaches and brain fog. I have absolutely no interest in eating food most days, and would be content to fast, if I were capable of working on no nutrients. I've tried powerade zero, magnesium/calcium, bouillon and multivitamins, along with caffiene, in the morning. I am getting enough rest. But I swear to god every afternoon I start getting a little lightheaded and can't concentrate, and it usually lets up after I have a meal.

This feels like a constant war between professional obligations and my body goals. I know I have the discipline to severely restrict but I just don't have the mental/physical capacity to think without food. I feel like the universe won't let me be functional and successful and lose weight at the same time. And don't even get me started on how badly I want to exercise.

Anyone else fighting this war? :( :( :(

[Rant/Rave] really conflicted and spiraling after hitting my ugw
/u/basedgore [5'3| CW:88lb | UGW: 90lb | M]
Created: Fri Nov 3 10:35:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7akjy6/really_conflicted_and_spiraling_after_hitting_my/
so uh, hi guys. i posted a little while ago about finally being 90lbs and since then things have been so rough.

when i needed to lose weight/was restricting, things were so easy, like i had motivation and was just overall more bubbly and got happy when i reached weight goals. now, after losing for over a year, i kind of have to stop for health purposes. its so hard though. i dont feel anything about my body other than disgust, but now i cant even pinpoint why. at least previously when i was overweight/obese, i KNEW why i was gross- now i cant tell.

i love feeling light and pure and empty. im fasting right now and it feels amazing- but i know im killing myself. i know im dying and im sickly thin at this point. i know i NEED FOOD. but i just cant. i cant deal with eating even though i hit my goal and i dont know why. its so fucking hard! i highkey just want to be an ana butterfly forever, lmfao. but thats not sustainable-- i will die very very quickly if i continue to heavy restrict, and i know it.

life sux

[Tip] What $40 of groceries look like
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 110| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 10:35:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7akjux/what_40_of_groceries_look_like/

[Other] My binge eating (& drinking) has officially bankrupt me
/u/Moshi_Moshi_Teriyaki [5'9 | CW 132 | UGW 115 | -25]
Created: Fri Nov 3 10:34:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7akjol/my_binge_eating_drinking_has_officially_bankrupt/
For the first time, I actually can't pay my rent. It's entirely my fault: countless binges where I can't even believe how much money I've spent, and then countless bar tabs to make myself forget.

I've maxed out my cards, overdraft, and loans. I'm trying to build up the courage to ask a friend for help, but at the same time praying my landlord doesn't notice. I have another flatmate and it would affect her too.

I feel like such a piece of shit. I'm not an adult, I'm hurting others, I can't believe it's got this bad. I talked to a debt charity to help sort out my finances, and they suggested I claim bankruptcy which is so, so so scary.

Please tell me I'm not the only one that's dealing with something like this.

[Rant/Rave] How to turn yourself off to food completely
/u/deltapeach [5'2" | CW 127 | GW 105/110 | -18 | 21F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 10:32:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7akj48/how_to_turn_yourself_off_to_food_completely/
Just had the grossest thing happen!!!

I was eating some blackberries and when I picked one up noticed a little white thing on one so I picked it off and looked closer and IT WAS A FUCKING LARVA OF SOME KIND. I looked at the rest of the blackberries and there were larvae all over like half of them!!!!

I had already eaten 2 and now I'm nauseous even though everything looked dead lmao I'm never eating again :)

[Rant/Rave] 10 day fast to 5,000 calorie day.
Created: Fri Nov 3 10:02:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7akc01/10_day_fast_to_5000_calorie_day/
Yesterday was the 10th day of my fast, and I decided to finally eat something. That something turned into a full on 5 hour binge, where I consumed 5,000 calories. I've been a binge eater for a while, so I can fit a lot of food, but I thought fasting was supposed to shrink your stomach. I literally undid at least 3 days progress. On top of that all I only got 3 hours of sleep because my stomach was too full to sleep. I was planning on resuming my fast today but it's only 9 AM and I've already eaten at least 3 tablespoons of peanut butter. I was doing so good, what is wrong with me ugh.

[Rant/Rave] not even noon and shit hit the fan
Created: Fri Nov 3 09:50:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ak8ve/not_even_noon_and_shit_hit_the_fan/
dude i just wolfed 800 calories (BEFORE NOON) in less than 10 min and am fighting my conscious so hard. i've been restricting hard all week and i woke up just so hungry and i cracked; i even dropped off a work meeting to go eat haha smdh. then made appoint to tell the lady in the store how hungry i was bc i'd been eating minimally for days as an excuse for my level of food intake so early bc i didnt want to feel judged or for her to think of me as a heffer. not to mention my friend is taking me out to dinner tonight for my birthday and i am just on fucking edge about that cause now wtf am i supposed to do? what are some ways you guys prevent binge epps after restricting? i am fighting every fiber of my being not to barf bc honestly i feel hella uncomfy even physically.

[Rant/Rave] is there anything better than herbal tea?
Created: Fri Nov 3 09:39:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ak6fy/is_there_anything_better_than_herbal_tea/
I'm a recent convert to tea but oh my god it's actually changed my life, I drink it when I'm hungry or craving or bored or just to give people I'm with the illusion of having taken in calories. My favourite is peppermint so far but I also love Starbucks peach green tea lemonade although it has like 130 calories or something so I can only have it as a meal replacement.
Any tea recommendations for a newbie? I prefer sweeter stuff but want to try all kinds!

[Rant/Rave] Hurray for being sick!
Created: Fri Nov 3 09:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajxiy/hurray_for_being_sick/
Been having a head cold this past week and even though I feel lousy from the cold, it suppresses my appetite. It's been a whole week without a single full meal, just low cal soup and crackers. I'm just not looking forward to when the cold goes away then the hungry comes back. Anyone else go through this?

[Goal] Im gonna fucking get better this time
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | 138.3 | 18.76 | ~61lbs | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Fri Nov 3 08:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajvs2/im_gonna_fucking_get_better_this_time/
Guys I'm so fucking tired of being sick.

I started seeing a counselor and I have an appointment with health services. Signed a waiver so they can share info and all that bullshit. I want a goddamn life. And I want to enjoy that life too- not just exist in this place of hating myself and everyone else.

I'm gonna still visit this sub because I know I can't stay away, but I'm making an active effort to feel better and try to stop giving so much of a shit about weight and food... wish me luck y'all. Love you guys.

[Help] Well, shucks...
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 121lb | 19.5 | cow | F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 08:35:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajrtf/well_shucks/
I’m trying to decide what to do this evening. I’m feeling pretty miserable (in a pathetic, why am I such a loser kinda way) and I’m stuck between going to the gym like a good girl or buying two dozen krispy kremes and a bottle of wine. I know what I should do... but I just want to drink away my capacity to feel, numb myself with creamy donutss and purge till I fall asleep from exhaustion. That’s what I really want.

Any advice on how to do the right thing when it’s the last thing you want?

[Help] Constipation despite fiber? TMI poop!
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 151.5 | GW: 118 | -15.3 | F24]
Created: Fri Nov 3 07:54:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajico/constipation_despite_fiber_tmi_poop/
So yeah, whenever I low restrict (600/day average), I won't poop for 3-4 days. I eat a fiber one brownie almost every day, and quest bars and fiber filled veggies a lot, but still. Nothing or not as much as there should be. Anyone know why?

[Discussion] EC Stack Tolerance?
Created: Fri Nov 3 07:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajht9/ec_stack_tolerance/
Hi everyone- quick question for those of you that do EC Stacks

I started using it in May and it worked great for a couple months, but then the effects started to wear off. I cycled off for over a month and recently started back on, but it still barely suppresses my appetite at all anymore!

Anyone else have a similar experience? Any tips or alternatives?

[Discussion] Tfw your rats eat better than you.
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW:85bs | 21F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 07:19:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajb81/tfw_your_rats_eat_better_than_you/

[Help] at least one thing in my life goes right when i have no money for food. does anyone have any tips to suppress the hunger though, especially at night?
Created: Fri Nov 3 07:16:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ajagr/at_least_one_thing_in_my_life_goes_right_when_i/
i cant sleep at night ;/

[Help] Two days of eating under 1000 and I’ve lost nothing.
Created: Fri Nov 3 07:05:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aj88r/two_days_of_eating_under_1000_and_ive_lost_nothing/

[Help] My husband found my laxative stash...
Created: Fri Nov 3 06:25:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aj10e/my_husband_found_my_laxative_stash/
I put my empty laxative boxes and bottles in a bag and hide them under my desk in our bedroom. When it gets full, I just take the bag to the trashcan outside so my husband doesn't see. He decided to go through my stuff and found my trash bag. He then confronted me about the bag. I confessed, told him what I'd been doing, how I need them to not feel icky, blah blah blah. I thought it was over.
A little while later, I hear him searching through my desk (while singing, I might add. He was doing it to cover up the noise of him going through my stuff.) I walk in to the bedroom to find him holding my stash.
Let me start off by saying, I'm not a violent person. But when I saw him holding my stuff, I exploded. I tried to get them out of his hands, I threatened to punch him. I could feel myself shaking and my eyes were wide with rage. I eventually gave up and said, "Walmart will always have them."
After I calmed down, I regretted everything I had done. I felt extremely bad because he is the best husband in the world and I know he is just trying to help me. Now I'm more embarrassed than anything. Embarrassed about how I acted. Embarrassed about my laxative abuse. Everything...
So, I guess I really just need just help/advice. Has this ever happened to anyone else? How did you feel and how did you get over it?
Anything will be appreciated. I just need to know I'm not alone.

[Discussion] November 3rd, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 06:13:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aiyu8/november_3rd_2017_question_of_the_day/
When did you last hold a baby? 👶

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! November 03, 2017
Created: Fri Nov 3 06:13:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aiyow/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for November 03, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 03, 2017
Created: Fri Nov 3 06:12:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aiyo4/daily_food_diary_november_03_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] some ~important information~ about mental health
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 05:15:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aipef/some_important_information_about_mental_health/
**TL;DR: Disorders are complex. The DSM over simplifies it. You have a problem even if you do not meet the "official" criteria for eating disorders.**

I encourage people to read this even though its really long because psychology is interesting and as people who struggle with mental health all of this is important!!!

Recently I've been seeing a lot of misinformation about mental health disorders and what it means to have one and when you "qualify" for one, so I wanted to clear things up a little!

Just some background on me: I am a developmental clinical psychopathologist - I know, those were a lot of words I just threw at you. This means, I study mental health and how it develops over time, from when your born into adulthood and onward.

A lot of you probably know this from your own experiences, but mental health isn't static and linear; in other words, a disorder you get as a child doesn't necessarily continue into adulthood. It may appear and then entirely disappear (conduct disorder disappears for 50% of individuals as they get older), it may change (you might have a specific phobia that morphs into generalized anxiety), or it may stay the same diagnosis with different effects in daily life (autism is the best example of this, where children may struggle to understand someone else's perspective when they're younger and then as adults be more aware of perspectives but still struggle with social cues).

So - what does this mean? What does this have to do with eating disorders?

Well, let me tell you! Right now, most of the world (especially to non-psychologists) uses a little something called the DSM to understand mental health and what it means to have a disorder.

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is a book that was made by lots of clinical psychologists in an attempt to categorize and track disorders. It got super popular! Why? A few reasons!

1. We as humans want to categorize things. Its just how our brains work. And it often does help us understand things because we are looking for patterns! So, initially, yeah it makes sense to try and group symptoms into categories, because then we can see what individuals get these disorders and why they got them and others didn't.

2. Researchers and medical staff can communicate more easily about disorders - with everyone using the DSM, we know we are all talking about the same thing when we say someone has depression or anxiety or an eating disorder.

3. Insurance companies love it - they have definitive definitions of what is and isn't a disorder, so they know who needs to be covered and who can be disqualified for coverage.

Ok cool! So these all seem like pretty good reasons to use the DSM. It's like diseases and physical disorders, which are also defined in this medical model.

So, what's the problem with doing this?

Well, unfortunately, we've learned from trying to use this system that it doesn't work perfectly. Or, well at all. There have been five versions of the DSM so far, and each time, things are changed. This is to be expected, we do research and learn more! But, what's weird is, we keep having to change it *drastically* because things aren't fitting.

It's like we're trying to force disorders to happen and make sense in a model where they just don't fit. The biggest problem? People can get disorders for an infinite number of reasons and people can not get disorders for an infinite number of reasons.

Two twins, with the same DNA, the same upbringing, the same experiences, can both experience a traumatic event and STILL only one of them will get a disorder. Why? Because every little experience some one has interacts with another, and aaaaall these interactions result in what we consider mental health.

That's where developmental psychopathology comes in! We're trying to understand how disorders form over time, because we can see how big a role experiences have to do with whether or not someone gets a disorder.

The DSM and medical model is based around the idea that someone gets disorders and diseases, and then these disorders cause symptoms.

What we're investigating now is a network model: people develop one symptom, which activates other symptoms, and then the symptoms reinforce each other resulting in a continued activation which we classify now as a specific disorder.

Let's think about eating disorders. I'm going to be really stereotypical here to explain it. Something happens: a girl is bullied for a weight. The bullying makes her feel **sad** so she tries to **lose weight**. People **stop bullying her**, reinforcing the idea that the weight loss was **good**. She starts to **feel anxious** about **gaining weight** again and the bullying returning, so she begins to **cut more calories**. She struggles to keep cutting calories, and begins **purging** after eating to **further control her weight**.

In this example, we see that the sadness caused by bullying, resulted in actions to lose weight, which reinforced the anxiety around gaining weight alongside the anxiety around bullying, which resulted in more extreme measures to avoid the bullying and weight gain, which caused more eating disorder behaviors.

She didn't "catch" an eating disorder, she developed symptoms that reinforced each other, resulting in what the medical community would call a disorder.

SO. Why am I explaining all of this?

I see posts about people not feeling like they have a disorder because they don't meet the requirements of the DSM. And it's sad, because these guidelines are not anything but a way of categorizing symptoms.

Mental disorders are invented by scientists to try and understand behaviors better. These rules for whether or not you have a disorder, are just rules created by scientists to define who they accept into studies in order to have the similar participants across different studies.

They do NOT ACCURATELY DEFINE who has and hasn't got a problem. If you have a symptom, or a set of symptoms, causing you distress, THIS IS VALID.

Again, just because you do not match the DSM does NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOT VALID. Do not get caught up in the rules others have invented to try and understand behavior.


Literally. It means nothing other than you would not qualify for this specific study because they are looking for this set of symptoms that they are going to call anorexia.

I could say so much more, but I will leave at this because its already so long. Please ask questions if you want to learn more. But ultimately, you can define eating disorder however you want, the DSM is just one way of grouping behaviors and they keep changing it because they keep doing more research and realizing more and more the groupings don't work perfectly like they'd like to in a medical model of thinking.

TL;DR part two: you and your behaviors are a definition of eating disorder. there is more than one way of thinking about it, the medical community chooses this way, but it doesn't mean they're always right (because spoiler they're not)

[Discussion] oh how times change - it is definitely not worth suffering. you only lose yourself and you will never be satistied (my journey)
Created: Fri Nov 3 04:52:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ailv3/oh_how_times_change_it_is_definitely_not_worth/

[Other] Hmm.
Created: Fri Nov 3 04:29:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aiiva/hmm/

[Help] Having problems with caffeine pills D': Help?
/u/yesyeshihello [157cm | CW: 42.4kg | BMI: 17.2 | 27F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 03:48:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aid88/having_problems_with_caffeine_pills_d_help/
I'd love to be EC stacking but I'm pretty sure ephedrine is illegal where I live. So I got caffeine pills. Tried them 2 - 3 times in the past couple of months, and I always felt like shit, but assumed it was because of something else, heavy restricting, whatever.
So after a day of refeeding on the 1st, I gave them another shot yesterday. 400 mg. Again, I felt like I was dying: horrible dizziness, lightheaded, chest pains, the kind of things that would send me straight to the hospital if I didn't know what was causing it.


Sadly, even though I barely restricted yesterday (I felt so shit I thought I should eat just so I wouldn't pass out, ended up having two plates for dinner PLUS two desserts after eating 400 calories during the day), I woke up to my LW. And I say sadly because in my mind this means that I can't just throw the pills out - not if they're making me lose weight. No matter how shit I felt.
What should I do? Have any of you gone through anything like this?
Why are caffeine pills making me feel shit even though coffee, red bull, monster and diet coke don't?
Is there anything I can do to keep taking them and not feel like death?

[Rant/Rave] I'm really upset :(
Created: Fri Nov 3 03:18:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ai9iw/im_really_upset/

[Help] Please help me!
Created: Fri Nov 3 02:52:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ai65f/please_help_me/
Hi I'm back! I wrote a post a few weeks ago about how I didn't want to do this anymore blah blah but well hey here I am.

I have a friend coming to visit this weekend and I am really stressed.

I want to be fun, have fun with her, eat drink and be merry. I actually can't bring myself to do that so please give me all of your advice.

What excuses can I give for not eating/drinking as much?
How can I still make her feel comfortable to indulge as much as she wants if I don't?

I'm not saying that in a way like, oh I want her to eat so much more than me... The city I live in is often visited by tourists for a food and drink filled weekend, and I want her to have a great time! I just don't know how to do that without eating everything myself :(

[Rant/Rave] YES!
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63 kg | BMI: 23.4 | -20.5 kg | 21F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 02:51:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ai5z0/yes/
IT'S MOVING! My scale is FINALLY moving again! I'm down to 62.5kg after a month of staying on 63 or sometimes even 64! Guess who'sfeeling good enough to go and shop for a pretty dress? Right! ME!

Rave over. Hope you guys have a great surprise today too! I'll enjoy mine as long as I can.

[Discussion] Having an eating disorder is...
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 115 | 18 | 22F]
Created: Fri Nov 3 02:40:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ai4qz/having_an_eating_disorder_is/
Splitting your one box of Annie's white cheddar and shells into four different mugs that you keep for this SOLE PURPOSE so that you can have your one meal a day be mac & cheese (which is actually mostly peas, because obviously pasta is a bit of a trigger food) without going over 200 cals.

What's something odd you've caught yourself doing recently that only eating disordered people get?

[Rant/Rave] New LW! deadass SCREAMING with happiness 🎉
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7 👶🏼 96lbs 🍋]
Created: Fri Nov 3 02:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ai0kw/new_lw_deadass_screaming_with_happiness/
Joke’s on me bc I literally made a super depressing post only the other day about how shitty ED cycles are...

But holy fuck guys, I stepped on the scales this morning for the first time in 3 weeks - 96lbs !!! This is further than I ever meant to go and I honestly feel so so happy and possibly comfortable maintaining here? AAAH, such a happy bunny this morning. Ily already November <3

[Discussion] Cigarettes and ED?
Created: Fri Nov 3 00:59:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ahs3f/cigarettes_and_ed/

[Help] 2-week binge cycle! Help!
Created: Fri Nov 3 00:30:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aho6m/2week_binge_cycle_help/

From r/1200isjerky 😂
Created: Thu Nov 2 23:46:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ahi4l/from_r1200isjerky/

dealing with nausea
Created: Thu Nov 2 22:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ah9qm/dealing_with_nausea/

[Rant/Rave] "You're not anorexic."
Created: Thu Nov 2 22:38:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ah7q4/youre_not_anorexic/
Was having a discussion with the bf about work ethic, long story short he told me my work ethic is better than his because I always do my homework, I study, and he ended it with "Plus you work out a lot." I've been pretty open with him bout my eating disorder recently, so he knows I have an unhealthy relationship with food, but I'm pretty sure that's all he thinks it is. I said "I work out because I'm anorexic." He got this confused look on his face and said "But you're not anorexic."

I feel so awful. I'm not super skinny so I can see why he said it I guess, and I told him you don't have to be super thin to be anorexic. But feeling more and more like a fake now and I don't know what to do. I know what I do to myself. But it still makes me feel awful. Like I'm not thin enough for it to even be considered that I am anorexic.

[Goal] Finally
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 22:31:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ah6m3/finally/
I'm in bed, about to go to sleep, and it's past midnight. I think it's safe to say that today is done. And I FINALLY finished under 1200 calories. This hasn't happened in a whiiiiiiile. I need to keep fasting til 5pm. Because that is what made me able to do it, primarily. But also just focusing, but yeah. I'll probably screw up soon, but I'm happy for today :D

[Help] Hair loss???
Created: Thu Nov 2 22:15:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ah3uy/hair_loss/

[Help] can't tell if i have an eating disorder or just unhealthy relationship w food
Created: Thu Nov 2 21:23:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agudx/cant_tell_if_i_have_an_eating_disorder_or_just/

[Rant/Rave] Why do periods exist?????
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW: 142 |CW: 125 |20.6 |GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 21:17:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agtau/why_do_periods_exist/
Does anyone else get super bloated on their periods??? I literally gained 4IBS in the last 3 days and I know it’s water weight because logically (even though I’ve had some Halloween candies over the past few days) I definitely haven’t eaten enough calories a day to actually gain.
I’m just freaking out because I finally got to 125 and I go on vacation in less than a week and I feel extra shitty. No amount of water or laxatives has been saving me
Like I know the gain is just bloat and water weight but uuughghhgg that number wrecked me

Purging in the Shower?
Created: Thu Nov 2 21:16:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agszg/purging_in_the_shower/

[Discussion] what's up with /r/fasting?
/u/airbud1997 [5'8 / 114 lbs / GW 100 / BMI 19]
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:56:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agp81/whats_up_with_rfasting/
one of the top posts on that sub is a woman who went on a 17 day fast and lost 50 pounds!!! in 17 days!!!

how the fuck does it work? do they eat during that time or is it like... the same as our fasts

I want in on that losing 50 pounds shit, basically. can I just not eat for a couple weeks? I've done 2-3 day fasts before, but... I'm not sure if I'd die if I fasted for 17 days. not that I'd complain......... should I just try it?

[Goal] Starting my first fast tomorrow....
/u/decima205 [5'6" | SW: 150 | CW: 144 | GW: 130 | UGW: 105]
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:45:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agnc9/starting_my_first_fast_tomorrow/
I've restricted before but I've never fasted. We'll see how this goes.

Long story short, I'm one of the weirdos who gets a BIGGER appetite when she's sick, instead of losing appetite. So I essentially ate all the food still left in the house (ramen, hard boiled eggs, yogurt, cookies)... I don't feel proud in the least. I ate at least 3000 calories in the span of 4 hours if not more. I feel like I'm going to die.

The good thing, though, is that there is no more food in the house. So starting at midnight, I start fasting. I don't have a set end time but I want to hit 48 hours at least. We'll see how it goes.

[Help] Anyone want to do the Survivor challenge with me?
/u/ThermalAnvil [15 lbs lost]
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:41:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agmju/anyone_want_to_do_the_survivor_challenge_with_me/

[Rant/Rave] I wish I was healthy
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:40:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agmci/i_wish_i_was_healthy/
I am at a healthy bmi, and honestly I like my body, or at least don't hate it. I don't know why I can't just eat normally. I restricted more than usual today and felt great and had 200 calories by dinner, but then I refused to eat what my mom made for dinner, had something else because it was lower in calories, so I would've ended up at like 500 calories, but then later I just gave up ate an entire pizza by myself. But I ended up at my maintenance calories so obviously my eating is healthy and normal and totally fine. Part of me really want to get better, before whatever it is that I have turns into something worse. But the other part of me really wants to lose 30 lbs and I don't even know why. Like I want to be underweight but I don't even care that much how I look. I wish I knew what was actually wrong with me and why I'm like this.

[Rant/Rave] How much does dealing with the holidays with an ED suck?
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:29:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agkb8/how_much_does_dealing_with_the_holidays_with_an/
A lot. Ugh. I bought $12 of discounted halloween candy yesterday which doesn't sound like a lot, but it is, on top of getting a pack of those sugar cookies with colored frosting on top. I kept it in my car so it wouldn't be in the house to tempt me but that didn't work, mainly because I had nothing else but some grapes to eat today. I am also an emotional eater/ eat out of boredom so that's great. I get to deal with Thanksgiving in 3 weeks and my mind is already telling me excuses of why I'm not eating. I hate the holidays. I hate myself. I hate that I've truly let myself and any motivation to be better again out the window. I haven't weighed myself in who knows how long and when I do and I don't like the numbers I actually eat more than when I do like the numbers. I haven't drank much water at all in the past month. I use to read books on weight loss and emotionally eating and stopped that. Do you know how much it sucks when your mind is just like, give up, give up all the work you did, give up everything healthy, because the effort it'll take to be better again will take too long and too much effort? Because I do. I wrote in a food journal and stopped that. Also, Seasonal Affective Disorder is just great! Am I right? At least I have no friends I can complain and vent to.

[Tip] “Fashion means never having to say you’re sorry for going to spin class four times a week”
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:22:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7agiws/fashion_means_never_having_to_say_youre_sorry_for/
I remember a couple weeks ago I was ranting about how bad I wanted to be able to fit into thigh high or even knee high boots. So low and behold I went and bought a pair and much to my dismay. I couldn’t get them all the way up my leg. I’ve been a cyclist for nearly 10 years and love to run so it makes sense, cause my legs are muscly and toned. I had these boots delivered to my office so I slipped in a conference room to try them on and when they didn’t go up I felt so defeated I almost cried bc my body is going thru some awesome transformations despite trying to deal with the ED and when I’m not at my GW fully or not like these girls that can wear everything I just get sad and have mad fomo. So after a long self loathing Google binge, I read this article on Vogue and it changed my perspective entirely to the point where *gasp* I almost was proud of my body and how strong I really am and how hard I work. And more so, that some looks work and some don’t for my bod!! Just wanted to share and savor this moment as they come seldom. Oh and the link to the article is below because I’m willing to bet we all have some form of the damn boots.

[vogue link ](https://www.vogue.com/article/athletic-calves-boots-fall-fashion).

[Rant/Rave] Broke my fast and...meh
Created: Thu Nov 2 20:10:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aggiq/broke_my_fast_andmeh/
I guess this is a rant...?

My longest fast yet was 103 hours. I was planning on waiting until morning to eat, which would have been 106 hours, but I made the mistake of telling my husband that I just wasn’t hungry, instead of that I already ate. So I’m bummed that I didn’t break my fasting record, but I made it 97 hours and I just feel...meh.

I always binge and purge after a fast. I was SUPER determined not to. I ate more than I was planning on it, but nowhere near a binge. I just ate what was given to me. 35 calorie toast with 15 calorie [red pepper spread ](https://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/article/1433) (thanks Trader Joe’s), 90 calories of soup with 40 calories of croutons, and 150 calories of a skinny cow ice cream bar. Not horrible but still....meh.

At this moment, my stomach hurts from being stretched after 4 days of not eating, but not so bad that I’m on the floor crying like I usually am after a break fast. I’m not curled up in a fetal position, I’m not suicidal, I’m not feeling much at all I’m fact. Just....meh.

I guess that’s it. Hope this weekend doesn’t turn into a binge fest, and I hope I can break my fasting record next week. Thanks for reading y’all. Have a good night 😘

[Goal] [goal] I'm no longer obese. First goal achieved
Created: Thu Nov 2 19:32:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ag8ud/goal_im_no_longer_obese_first_goal_achieved/
I was horrified when I stepped on the scaled and saw my highest weight ever. I've been suffering from a really bad depression this past year and gained upwards of 20lbs. And I was already overweight to start with. But now I'm happy to report I've lost almost 15 pounds and am no longer obese, even according to the new BMI scale! I haven't been this happy in a long time and this gives me so much motivation to keep going

[Rant/Rave] holy shit caffeine is the best thing
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~128 gw~115]
Created: Thu Nov 2 19:27:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ag7tp/holy_shit_caffeine_is_the_best_thing/
i just had one of the white zero calorie monsters for the first time and omg it was so good, first time having any sort of energy drink

also more caffeine than i've ever had in one drink, and like


it's amazing

just hit 24 on my fast of an undecided length, and god all of a sudden with the caffeine i have all this energy and like damnnnnn why didn't i try this before!!

i feel so light and hoppy and was thinking about breaking my fast but now i'm gonna keep going. gotta make up for a horrible halloween weekend!!

(ninja edit ~~ on mobile, can't flair rn sorry ✨)

[Goal] I didn't reach my goal by my deadline....and that's okay.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 141.4 | UGW 105 | 24/F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 19:16:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ag5lu/i_didnt_reach_my_goal_by_my_deadlineand_thats_okay/
Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. Not a big fan of birthdays except as a reason to start fresh and leave bad habits behind.

I really wanted to be in the 130s for my birthday. I didn't make it. I'm very close. I could have b/p-ed, fasted, then exercise my way in the 130s today. It's not fun, but I could have done it.

Instead, I enjoyed a gloomy, chilly day with my cats and virtually no responsibilities. I had the house to myself and didn't leave except to get the mail. I didn't even change out of my pajamas. I tidied up, did some yard work, and listened to my audiobook.

Right now, my plan is to shower, do a face mask, and read a bit.


EDs are odd. Sometimes you can seemingly put them on hold. Tomorrow my family will want to eat to celebrate and I won't want to. I also have a trip in a few days where I'll be forced to eat every single meal. Am I stressed about? Sure, but I'm not letting it get to me today.

I still have 2 months until the end of the year. And even then, I can keep going. I may not have reached my goal today, but I will still be happy when I do reach it.

[Discussion] Palate Change Based on Calories?
/u/kvikerdragen [5'6.5" | 21F | CW 117.0 | GW 111 | HW 182]
Created: Thu Nov 2 19:05:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ag3dt/palate_change_based_on_calories/
So fun fact about me: I'm allergic to tomatoes. It's mild, but they screw up my stomach--especially if it's been a while since I've eaten them.
So when I found this out in high-school, whenever my family had anything Italian, I was given alfredo sauce instead of tomato/pizza sauce. As a result, I grew to hate it.
Thank God I discovered pesto.
Anyway, minor aside over, I still carry that strong dislike of alfredo sauce. However, I cook food that my family requests, so there are time when I cook (and thus, eat) alfredo sauce.
Today I went into it expecting to set aside some chicken and eat it on my salad (Bonus points for easily getting around the calories in the pasta). I ended up looking at the nutrition label on the sauce jar (I strongly prefer to homemake things and eat as little processed food as possible, but I'm not inclined to spend time making something I fully intend to not eat anyway) and read that (According to the label at least) it's only 50cal / serving (1/4cup).
My mind was blown. I would have thought for sure it would be significantly more than that.
Anyway, throughout the rest of the cooking I caught myself tasting the sauce several times, and legitimately enjoying it.
My question, then, is has anyone else noticed that suddenly they like a food they used to aggressively dislike, solely based on calories?

[Help] Still haven't had my period even though I'm on the pill?
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3" | CW 115 | GW 95 | BMI 20.4 |18 F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 18:59:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ag243/still_havent_had_my_period_even_though_im_on_the/
I lost my period for 6 months after not being on on the pill probably because of restriction and purging, but I got back on it last month and had my period, but I was supposed to start over two days ago and still haven't. Has anyone else experienced this? I am high restricting and exercising, but no more than last month. Also I haven't been sexually active, so there's no way I'm pregnant. (Can't flair I'm on mobile, so please flair as help or discussion thanks)

[Rant/Rave] Literally the only thing my family has is junk food or processed.
/u/tarantulahospital [5'7 | -40lb | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 17:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7afjrg/literally_the_only_thing_my_family_has_is_junk/
Can a mod flair this Rant/Rave? I can’t flair it on mobile right now.

All my life we’ve had a lot of junk food in the house.
My secret binge eating started because of it.
Whole bags of chips.

Anyway. I’m 15. So I don’t have any control over groceries, which sucks. My family doesn’t buy... actual. Food. We end up getting fast food all the time which normally would be heaven but it’s taking a toll on my health. My doctors tell me to eat cleaner and my mother keeps feeding into them the idea that it’s all my choice.

When I ask for them not to get me anything on our... 3rd fast food run and it’s only Thursday they get pissed and get me stuff anyway.

My stomach is dying from having only junk food to eat. I’m struggling to lose even 10 pounds because of it. I’m ashamed to say but I’m 183 pounds at 5”7. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to care. We weigh the same anyway... but god it sucks to be stuck being. Huge. I don’t know how to eat healthy or normal foods... I desperately need help.

[Rant/Rave] My roommate who has an ED history is trying to be purposefully triggering? Why???
Created: Thu Nov 2 17:28:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7afild/my_roommate_who_has_an_ed_history_is_trying_to_be/

[Rant/Rave] I’m having a really bad time right now, and I have nobody to talk to.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 17:20:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7afgsh/im_having_a_really_bad_time_right_now_and_i_have/
Sorry in advance because I just need to say things, and it isn’t going to be organized or make sense.

It’s the 6th anniversary of my dad’s death this Wednesday. It’s always hard, and this year, it feels harder than usual.

I was supposed to go out with friends tonight. I canceled plans to have dinner with my aunt and her church group just so I could meet them for happy hour. Then one friend went out of town without saying anything. And the other said she took a nap instead of going out, but she has snaps of her out without me. I figured she went without me, but it still hurts. Now I’m just sitting here alone in pajamas, crying and trying not to binge. Feels great.

I’m not doing as well in school as I wanted to be. One of my instructors has been really hard on me, and I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I’m trying so hard, putting in like 80 hours a week studying and going to class, and my grades are good, but I still never get any feedback that isn’t about something I did wrong.

I’ve only lost 1.4 pounds this week, and less than 5 pounds all last month. I’m trying so hard but nothing is working the way I want it to. I was supposed to reach my ugw by Christmas, but I’ll be lucky if I can reach it by *next* Christmas now. I hate my hideous fucking body.

I just want to be dead, tbh, but I’d just fuck that up, too.

[Discussion] Anyone here dealing with selective eating disorder? (i think it’s ARFID now or something) I swear I’m the only ‘picky eater’ aged 19
Created: Thu Nov 2 17:20:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7afgrm/anyone_here_dealing_with_selective_eating/
Everyone is convinced I’ve got a restricting problem, when actually I just *can’t* eat most foods. All the foods I’m ‘allowed’ to eat are absolute crap and calorie bombs and I’m sick of it. I CAN’T EAT ANY VEGETABLES!! AT ALL!!!!! I have the same 5 foods every-fucking-day it’s so goddamn boring.

I can’t physically make myself eat any food that I haven’t eaten before and know I like: my actual problem that’s driving me completely insane.

I “don’t eat much” and “am obsessively controlling about food”: product of the fact people try to push food I *cannot* eat on me and then get surprised when I snap. I WANT IT. I CAN’T MAKE MYSELF EAT IT. FUCK OFF OUT MY FACE.

Whhhhy does no one see this as a problem??? Is anyone else like this??? What the hell am I supposed to do about it???

[Rant/Rave] i just need to get stuff off my chest
Created: Thu Nov 2 16:12:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7af13d/i_just_need_to_get_stuff_off_my_chest/
i can’t talk about or be honest about my eating disorder with anyone
i feel guilty not telling my therapist
i feel guilty whenever it worries my parents
and i went on a stint of normal eating but things have gotten so messy

my best friend and the girl i’m in actual, total, real love with is progressing faster in life than me
she’s lost weight and has so many friends and is always busy
and i think, like. no wonder she doesn’t feel the same when i’m so ugly
and it’s one of the biggest thing that drives me to restrict
and i knew if she knew that it would wreck her and us

we live a couple states away and i’m seeing a concert with her in 20 days
<300 calories + skinny vanilla latte with almond milk a day until then
i’m trying to stop smoking so much weed so i won’t have munchies
but that means i’m smoking cigarettes again
and i’ll have to quit AGAIN

[Rant/Rave] i replaced cigarettes with food
Created: Thu Nov 2 15:59:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aexwx/i_replaced_cigarettes_with_food/
i swapped one addiction for the other. i’ve never had a good relationship with food (addictive personality), but ever since i quit smoking at the beginning of the year, my binges have gotten way worse. i only smoked for a year and a half, but since i picked up the habit from stress it was hard to quit. now i am desperately trying to not to start again and stay clean (officially quit in february, had 1/2 cig relapse in april) but at this point im not sure what damage is worse (for my body and my wallet.) the sad part is that right now im not even stressed as i was back when i did smoke and i still want to stuff my face until i can’t walk.

healthy coping skills !!!

[Rant/Rave] recovery / oops
Created: Thu Nov 2 15:30:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aeqyi/recovery_oops/

/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9 | CW: 177lbs | BMI:25 | GW:150lbs | 27F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 15:22:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aep53/hit_first_weight_loss_goal/
I've been jumping between 79kg, 80kg and 81kg for like months, but for this entire week I've been jumping between 78kg and 79kg. I've finally broken through and am no longer 80kg!

78kg is my first goal. 75kg is the next - I'm coming for you!

I plateaued for a long time and all it took was for me to start eating 1500 cal per day and the weight started to decrease again. Keep at it. CICO works 🙂

[Rant/Rave] I'm crying.
Created: Thu Nov 2 15:11:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aemja/im_crying/
On mobile, can't flair.

So... I found a picture from this summer, when I was at my lowest weight (46 kg/102 lbs). At the time I thought I was still fat, but now I realize I was actually *skinny*. But I ruined everything, as usual. I binged for two months straight and now I'm at 59 kg/130 lbs. I know some of it it's probably water weight but still. I'm so mad at myself. I want to die or at least hide from the world until I lose all this weight.

Guess who's fasting? 🙃

[Rant/Rave] "Compliments" from boyfriend... :(
Created: Thu Nov 2 15:00:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aek07/compliments_from_boyfriend/
We have a language barrier... but today he told me he loves how "big and thick" my legs are. This is literally the exact opposite of how I'd EVER want my legs described - I'm in ballet, I dance and thick muscles are not exactly desirable in the female form. I don't have an ED but I was orthorexic as a teen and it just made me suddenly go into "all food is dirty" mode and feel nauseous about wanting to eat. :( It just reminded me of how he once excitedly described a singer to me as "sooooo tiny" and went on to show with his hands how small this girl with the big voice was. I feel mortified and on the verge of crying.

[Rant/Rave] Photo made me want to kill myself
/u/50shadesofskinny [5'4 | 135lbs | -50lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 14:50:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aehjc/photo_made_me_want_to_kill_myself/
My coworker took a fun photo of me today holding something he got me. He just sent it to me and I literally had no other reaction except “I am so fucking fat and disgusting and I want to kill myself” and now I just want to fast for a week. I hate photos. I wish I never knew what I looked like.

[Rant/Rave] A new low
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.14 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Thu Nov 2 14:18:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ae9i1/a_new_low/

[Other] Teen Vogue ceases printing
/u/eggshellss [5'4"| :( | :( | -25 | 24F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 14:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ae8i6/teen_vogue_ceases_printing/
Heard today that Teen Vogue is gonna continue on online, but cease printing of magazine. Feeling a twinge of nostalgia as someone 10+ years into body image issues, I'm all in my feelings because I used to spend hours making collages of models out of my Teen Vogue print subscriptions. Wondering if anyone else around my age feels the same way about this news. Those collages were my pride and joy when I was 12 lol but so were the livejournal proana sites that have also died....

[Help] I don't want to recover
Created: Thu Nov 2 14:13:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ae89i/i_dont_want_to_recover/

As you may have understood from the title, I'm currently going to a daily family recovery therapy. I've only just started going there but my problem is that I don't want to recover at all.
There were two other girls there around my age who were much skinnier and who looked much better than I did, they ate a whole lot less than I did and it makes me feel as if I don't have a problem.

So to get to it, I don't want to gain any weight, I don't actually want to be there and I don't feel like I deserve it at all. All I wish for is to be able to keep on losing weight and becoming as thin and gracious as they are.
Does anyone have any tips on how to "fake" a recovery or at the very least not gain anything from it.

Any help is appreciated!

[Rant/Rave] I gained a lot of weight, but now I’m down 38lbs, and still don’t feel like myself :/ I’m going to lose 42 more
Created: Thu Nov 2 13:57:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ae47w/i_gained_a_lot_of_weight_but_now_im_down_38lbs/

[Rant/Rave] gained
Created: Thu Nov 2 13:37:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adz8w/gained/

[Rant/Rave] Chibiham and FatPeopleStories
/u/happychanges [5'11.5"| C: 165 | 22.28 | -26 |]
Created: Thu Nov 2 13:29:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adxa2/chibiham_and_fatpeoplestories/
I just wanted to make sure everyone knows about the Chibiham series. It's a great read! FatPeopleStories in general is a gold mine for motivational material. :)

[You can find all the threads here](https://www.reddit.com/user/PaprikaGirl) and Paprika is writing more new material now I believe.

[Help] What is the difference between binging and eating normally?
/u/water_77 [🍀🌺🍀]
Created: Thu Nov 2 13:25:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adwa3/what_is_the_difference_between_binging_and_eating/
So I'm reading Brain Over Binge currently and the main idea she keeps saying is to distinguish between your thoughts (the thoughts and feelings for recovery and not binging) and the animal brain (the disordered binge thoughts and feelings), and then to ignore the animal brain. But I dont know the difference between binge and non binge foods/eating. Like I always feel the same after eating food, slightly guilty, even if I eat like an apple.

I used to restrict but then I wanted to recover. But I did it wrong, so it turned into binging. I used to not eat the whole day then go home and eat my daily tdee in like half an hour. And ever since then I cannot differentiate between the two types of people.

I posted this in r/bingeeatingdisorder but they can't seem to help and suggested this sub. Thanks.

[Thinspo] Aubrey Plaza...
Created: Thu Nov 2 13:11:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adsr6/aubrey_plaza/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Was feeling masochistic. Went to Aeropostale and tried on jeans. I am a heifer!
/u/Gungnir5 [5'5" | CW130 | GW110 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 12:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ado0s/rantrave_was_feeling_masochistic_went_to/
Aero is a teen retailer, at least it is to me. I went up to a salesgirl, and asked her to size me. She chose sz8, and sz6 skinny jeans for me to try. Objectively speaking, the size is merely a number, but having lost over 34lbs, I wanted to be smaller.

I was wearing my Old Navy sz10 skinny khakis which I had cinched w a belt to keep them from falling off my body. So, I took them off to try on these "jeggings". I am built like an inverted triangle: broad shoulders, FF cup breasts, jelly belly, no bum, hips, or thighs. The pants accentuated all of my negative points! My jiggly belly, non-ass, and chicken legs. I got both pairs of pants onto my body, but couldn't say that I looked any better than I did at 164lbs, or as a sz10 at 140lbs. I probably needed a sz4, but making my lower half look even smaller compared to my upper body held little appeal. My masochism only extends so far!

My goal weight is 110lbs. I am currently 127.8lbs in the morning, closer to 130lbs in the evening. It took a year, nice and slow, doing it right etc.


What if after all that work, and reaching 110lbs I still look the same? I've been turned away at the blood bank before bc I didn't weigh enough; I believe the cutoff is 113lbs. And yet, I still felt like a blob, an unattractive, unwanted, useless, lazy, waste of oxygen.

Should I just despair? Because controlling my weight doesn't really matter. It doesn't make me more intelligent, vivacious, attractive etc.

130lbs is supposed to be healthy--mission accomplished. All I see is fat, random acne, genetically thin hair...a person who will never be happy, or good enough. I am a failure.

[Rant/Rave] The most infuriating thing at work...
/u/quartz222 [♡ 5'7 | 144.6 | -5.4 | GW 118 | 19F ♡]
Created: Thu Nov 2 12:47:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7admpi/the_most_infuriating_thing_at_work/
I work as a barista at a huge coffee chain, the one known for donuts. Last night my coworker (who’s kind of overweight, not super relevant but kinda) made a large iced latte and then says, “Oh, that was supposed to be with skim milk. But I don’t care.” And she put it out on the counter. I said sheepishly, “Maybe someone is watching their calories.” She leaned past the counter to look out at all the people waiting for drinks and said “No one out there is fat. It’s fine.”

OMFG I was so infuriated... That’s an extra 100 calories someone completely didn’t know about and even though that’s not a huge amount it was more her attitude about it. That she was too lazy to remake the drink the right way and decided since none of them were fat she didn’t have to bother? UGH !

[Discussion] What caused your first purge, and how did you feel afterwards?
/u/redtopiary [5'2 | 16.9 | 21F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 12:44:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adlvt/what_caused_your_first_purge_and_how_did_you_feel/
I've never been able to make myself do it, but I'm honestly glad because I feel like I would get addicted to it. What made you decide to do it the first time? Did it happen early on in your ED or later down the road?

[Rant/Rave] My mum confronted me
Created: Thu Nov 2 12:36:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adjwh/my_mum_confronted_me/
I had a good day. Refused chocolate when it was offered to me, smoked some pot when I got home from uni but didn’t give in to the munchies.

I was cooking an early dinner (one that I actually consider big/high calorie) and my mum started having a go at me saying it was too small a meal. She said I’m starving myself and she’s worried about me cuz I’m losing too much weigh and getting too thin. Obviously I lied to her saying I wasn’t going to lose anymore weigh even though I’m planing on losing at least another 8kg.

Something similar happened yesterday when Mum asked what if eaten that day. Normally I lie to her saying I’d had a big lunch when normally I skip it or just have an apple. But yesterday I told her the truth (cuz I thought I’d eaten a lot) and she freaked out saying it wasn’t nearly enough.

I eat around 1,000 calories a day which I really don’t think is that little and I don’t normally even get that hungry. But on the one hand it is kinda nice that I’ve lost enough weight for her to be worried about me. Idk it was a very unpleasant interaction, I’m sure a lot of you can relate.

[Other] Yoooo 60 cal/1 c pumpkin soup & 50 cal Miso. Delish.
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 12:33:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adj78/yoooo_60_cal1_c_pumpkin_soup_50_cal_miso_delish/

[Rant/Rave] This annoying skinny friend is visiting me...and am I evil?
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW 132 | HW 155 | GW 125 | UGW 107 | F | 26]
Created: Thu Nov 2 12:25:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7adh1m/this_annoying_skinny_friend_is_visiting_meand_am/
She is coming over in an hour and she literally ALWAYS makes comments about my weight. And she'll say things like "oh i'm soooo fat" and then share that she lost 15 lbs in the same conversation and be super proud of how thin she is. It feels really malicious and she's either super dense or wants to hurt my feelings.

Whenever we go out, she orders a TON of food and then makes us share, and basically tries to make me eat as much as possible. We once went out for sushi because she was "starving" and she ordered one cucumber roll and pressured me into eating three salmon rolls. Kept saying "oh whyyy aren't you eating??"

So this morning, I went out and bought this huge delicious cookies from a local bakery..... but I have Celiacs so there is no way I can eat any of them. Is this bitchy of me?

[Rant/Rave] Weighed myself for the first time in months.
/u/LiamNeesonsMegaCock [5'4'' | CW: 145 lbs | 25.38 | GW: 105 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:58:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ada5o/weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_months/
I’ve been on a serious 6 month binge cycle, drinking a lot to cope, but I just had a scale purchased for me (not super maliciously, a well meaning friend who saw it on Amazon wishlist and I had mentioned I feel the worst physically I have ever felt). So it showed up and of course I weighed myself and of course I’m 15 lbs higher than my previous all time high and now I’m technically at an overweight BMI.

And I know what’s going to happen next, because it’s played out multiple times now. I’m going to obsess on the number multiple times per day and throw out all my food and restrict and still feel like shit in a totally different way. And everyone will tell me in about 30 lbs how good I look and I’ll slow down because how dare anyone *notice* the yo-yo of my body. And I’ll get down to the point when people just start to worry and I’m close to underweight and then I’ll throw out the scale and eat myself up for six months or longer and forget about exercise or vegetables because fuck everyone.

I know something exists between the binge and restrict, but it’s like a fucking unicorn. It doesn’t help that at no point between over and underweight do I feel okay with my body or normal. It’s like I go up and down until I become noticeable, then the switch flips back around.

I know I should put the scale back in the box and return it for shopping credit, but I know I won’t.

[Discussion] What positive/negative things have you done recently?
/u/RedxLoaf [5'7" | 158lbs | 40lbs Lost | 24F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:48:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ad7t3/what_positivenegative_things_have_you_done/
I remember reading a post on here a bit ago about a girl who's therapist asked her what positive things she's been doing for herself. The girl couldn't recall much, and later made the connection between her running herself to the ground (with work, school, stress, etc) and her purging/binging.

I wanted to make a similar post, but instead ask all of you lovelies what positive efforts you've made recently? Also, if there's anything negative you want to unload, please do!

I'll start. Here are my positives:

**Mental**: I scheduled an appointment for a new psychiatrist. This one is 5 mins away from my apartment and would mean no more stress when getting my vyvance refilled once a month.

**Physical**: I'm started a daily multivitamin, a daily fiber supplement, and soylent this month. This is the first time I've put in the effort to restrict in a healthy way. I want to start walking again this month!

**Social**: My inner circle is excellent. I feel very blessed to have my partner in my life.


**Mental**: I feel the urge to sabotage growing as I enter into this soylent challenge... I had to be convinced by my SO not to immediately fail by eating popcorn. Still trying to understand why I cannot let myself succeed.

**Physical**: I really need to get my glasses prescriptions looked at. I can't really see when I drive very well anymore...

**Social**: I'm still having problems at work with certain coworkers. :/

Let me hear yours!

[Help] a very long rant about what might have been the worst psychiatrist appointment ever
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 93.4 | 15.3 | -136.6 lbs! | 18f]
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:47:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ad7m2/a_very_long_rant_about_what_might_have_been_the/

Okay so a couple hours ago I had my last appointment with my psychiatrist (she's moving out of state) and basically the first words out of her mouth were-

"You're EXTREMELY thin. I'm very worried about you."


She went on to tell us- my stupid ass had let my mom sit in on my appointment, wtf past me -that she and my therapist had been discussing an eating disorder clinic as a possible next step for me.


This is literally the first time either of them have even said the phrase 'eating disorder', how in the fresh hell have we jumped straight to a goddamn clinic??????????????

Then she started asking questions about my eating habits and stuff

"Are you even eating over 1000 calories?"

lol no

"Oh yes, definitely!"

To my credit I've been trying- failing miserably, but trying. Probably averaging 350-400 at the moment. Oops.

I stayed calm though. Very calm. I answered everything, I didn't tear up, my voice didn't even waver. I joked and smiled and used whatever tiny iota of charisma I have. I talked about how I actually hadn't lost any weight lately, had stopped counting calories, wasn't trying to lose, and actually ate garbage most of the time, etc etc. I think it might have worked a little? Not sure.

Anyway she kept stressing how worried she was, how I'm "VERY" thin, "ANOREXIC" thin, "BONEY" even, and should definitely gain weight.


No thank you.

She and my therapist had also discussed intensive outpatient treatment.

No thank you x10

She said that she was seriously considering inpatient hospitalization as well.


When she mentioned setting up an appointment with a nutritionist I agreed IMMEDIATELY in a desperate attempt to ease her concern a little, so I guess that's happening. Yay.


Thank CHRIST I turned 18 last week, that makes this all marginally better.

If anyone has advice I would be so, so grateful for anything you can give me. Wtf even is an eating disorder clinic??? Or intensive outpatient????? Help please, I'm dumb and very irrational at the moment.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist (it had been booked a couple weeks ago so it's not in reaction to what happened today, thankfully), and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. It feels like everything has been randomly sprung on me all of a sudden. Ugh ugh ugh and I was supposed to eat a fiber 1 bar like 2 hours ago but my appetite is totally gone and I just don't see the point

why did this happennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[Rant/Rave] My sister was approached by a model scout
/u/itscirclejerky [5'6 | CW: repulsive| 20ish ? | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:45:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ad75w/my_sister_was_approached_by_a_model_scout/
My sister is 28, 5'4 on a good day and kinda crazy.

I'm 5'6, one point higher than her on the BMI scale and filled with envy.

She was out to buy fava beans for dinner and was stopped in the street by someone (presumably a scout) who told her she was so beautiful that they had to see her the next day.

She doesn't even try; she's always been naturally small despite her giant portions, excelled in school through working hard and despite being forced to drop out of med school, still lives a good life with her son.
She once didn't eat for 3 days because she was too busy and stressed. I fasted for barely 4 days to 'reset' a binge then spent the next week binging my socks off and wishing I was dead.

My mum was saying if she put in her nice weave and got rid of her stretch marks she'd be beautiful.

My mum tells me to stop eating so much and once told me (whilst half turned around and posing for a picture) that without the one roll the picture would be perfect.

[Rant/Rave] Doctor visit today...
/u/queerlullaby [5'5" | CW: 138 | BMI: 23.0 | GW: 120 | M]
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:43:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ad6kl/doctor_visit_today/
...and I have two fears.

In afraid they'll weigh me and I'll weigh the same or more than I did before. I can't fucking cope with that. I've eaten a 500 or more deficit for the last two weeks.
But I'm also afraid that I'll weigh so much less that they'll be able to tell I'm not as recovered as I said I was at our last meeting three months ago.

Edit: please flair as rant/rave, I'm on mobile.

[Discussion] Looking Like a Creep
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:33:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ad46l/looking_like_a_creep/
DAE look hugely creepy because they want to see how their body compares to someone else's?? Like if I see a girl with a kinda similar body or one I envy I always have the urge to stare but not in a sexual way at all. I just want to see 1. What they look like if they seem similar and 2. How their body is better than mine. But I'm pretty sure I look like I'm just checking people out oops
I'm not gay but I'm sure I've given off some vibes because of this stupid habit lmao

[Discussion] Binging makes my skin sore?
/u/TSputnik [5'3" | CW 131 | HW 210 | UGW 100]
Created: Thu Nov 2 11:13:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aczbb/binging_makes_my_skin_sore/
DAE get this? Essentially, If I binge badly enough one day, I wake up the next morning with skin that is painful to touch, it kinda feels like I'm bruised. It happens on my stomach mostly, but if I binge really bad it spreads to my ribs, back, back of neck, and upper arms.

I'm still not 100% certain what the triggers are, but it seems most likely when I binge on a lot of sugar. I've googled a ton and found people hypothesizing that it's something to do with water retention, but no solid answers.

When I was 200+lbs, my constant overeating and occasional binging didn't cause anything like this. It only started happening over the last year or so. It seems like it came up around the time I first started restricting lower between binging. Hope I didn't break my body >:C

P.S: If you have this problem, what do you do to get rid of the feeling quicker? I'm currently affected from eating tons of candy yesterday and I just want to feel normal again.

[Discussion] Is anyone else not compulsive in their ED?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: who knows? | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 10:50:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7actc0/is_anyone_else_not_compulsive_in_their_ed/
Or am I a fraud? My ED basically consists of two things: 1) my body makes me disgusted and 2) I must eat less than my TDEE. Beyond that, some days it's 1300 calories, some 0 eaten plus 1000 calories burned doing additional exercise. Sometimes no carbs, sometimes only carbs. Sometimes only junk food, other times only "clean" food. But I never develop any compulsive habits around food. Wondering if anyone else shares this experience?

[Discussion] How do you feel about people who claim to have a "fast metabolism"?
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | CW: 128 | 23 | GW:89 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 10:45:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7acs6m/how_do_you_feel_about_people_who_claim_to_have_a/

[Intro] Intro
/u/valentineviolette [5'1 | 154lbs | -14lbs | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 10:32:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7acoze/intro/
Hi everyone! I've been lurking this sub for ages, and wanted to join the Discord server but I saw you need to be active, so here I am!

I've had binge eating issues for essentially my entire adult life. We ate a lot of carbs in my family and my parents were both overweight, so I was never instilled with good habits around food. I think over time, and especially after I moved out, mild overeating just kept ramping up into a full on food addiction. The only way I can ever end up losing weight is by going to the extreme opposite end, and not giving myself a single inch of leeway, either through restriction or diets like keto.

I'm getting close to 30 and I desperately want to break my food addiction and lose a bunch of weight before I start to get older and my metabolism actually slows down for real. It feels like being in North America, my weight just seems normal, and I do carry my weight pretty well (basically entirely on my butt and thighs). I've never ever ever had anybody but myself rag on me for what I eat, or give me any form of tough love around food. It feels so so hard to break out of addictive behavior around food when literally not a single person has ever acted like they even notice, or think that there's anything abnormal going on.

When I'm trying to lose weight, I end up looking at tons of Tumblr thinspo and stuff like that, and getting into pretty extreme thought patterns. I really just want to get to a normal weight range, and develop a normal relationship with food. But I've also been telling myself that for years, so like, we'll see if it actually happens.

So anyways, there's a bunch of my secrets that I never tell my real life friends! Hello!

[edit] I guess I didn't state this explicitly but in case it's not obvious, I binge like it's going out of style.

When you plan out your binges for the week to come.
Created: Thu Nov 2 10:27:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7acnrk/when_you_plan_out_your_binges_for_the_week_to_come/

[Other] My feeder boyfriend nearly tried to kill me, and until this day I don't feel like I'll ever be normal in my own body.
/u/sororityasian [5'4" | -5lbs | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Thu Nov 2 10:07:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aciny/my_feeder_boyfriend_nearly_tried_to_kill_me_and/
Trigger Warning, NSFW, long

This is really embarrassing, and I really never admitted this to anyone.

I honestly felt like I was going to marry him as soon as I graduated. He got into Yale Law, and my parents were so enthusiastic. His mom liked me, always bragged to him how smart his girlfriend was. It felt like the most ideal relationship. It felt like we complimented each other very well. He was the closest thing I had to love.

Whenever people ask why we had broke up, I have three tiers of explanations. I told mostly everyone was that long distance wasn't working out, he was finishing up his Masters then heading to law school right afterwards. Then second, he was bipolar and abusive, and he used that towards me. Third, he nearly tried to kill me, and this is the hardest to really explain.

I was a bulimic when I met him. He always loved how I looked but I was in denial. I hated how I looked, but he always thought I was getting too thin. He knew I had anxiety over food, and I would go on Skype and eat dinner with him as we were doing long distance. He said, I looked really pretty when I had eaten, and it would turn him on. I wanted to please him. He told me his favorite foods were pecan pie and chicken wings, so I would eat that infront of him. This is the grossest part, but he would jack off to me eating. He told me things, like take bigger bites, or take your top off and eat, and I thought it was just this cute little thing he liked about me.

Well this became where I started eating foods that were forbidden for me; bread, pasta, cookies, pizza. Before, I was eating two yogurts a day, and occasionally a small bowl of rice and meat. I gained 25lbs while with him. He wanted to see me take pics in all my bras, and noticed one of my bras wouldn't strap down. But he liked it.

I visited him a couple months ago. Right as soon as we got to his place, we had sex. I felt so uncomfortable with the weight I had gained, he kept pinching my thighs and teasing me. I started crying because I was ashamed of how I looked. We started fighting, I accused of him being bipolar (which he was), and we broke up. I still had two weeks left to stay with him.

I didn't have money to go home at the time, so I stayed. He was so mad at me, that he started ignoring me. At one point I asked if I could leave his room, and he said no. I was passive and stayed inside. I would sleep all day, but then realized I didn't have water all day, and I went to ask for it. He said no. I was like whatever, I'll drink out of the bathroom faucet. But this denial went on for days. At one point I had gotten a fever, and I asked if I could have some kind of soup or medicine. He said no. My neck at one point started to stiffen, and I had two lumps on my neck. I was really nervous, but I couldn't call anyone, because I didn't want my parents or friends to know what my "perfect" boyfriend had done to me.

I was really hungry, sick, and needed to go to the hospital. But he wouldn't take me. I was so vulnerable at the time, and he was the closest thing I had, I even tried to convince him with blowjobs to take me to the hospital. He still wouldn't. By day 12, I was cold, tired, and hungry. I finally snapped out of it, and told him I was going to call the police.

He said, fine, I'll take you to the hospital, but let's take some stuff with you because you'll be there for a couple of days. I was so enthusiastic, I even thought maybe he loves still. I grabbed a small bag with clothes, leaving the rest of my stuff at his place, and we were heading off to the hospital. But I knew we weren't going to the hospital. He took me to the airport. My flight wasn't leaving for another two days. He told me to get out, and said "good luck, fat whore" and left me at the airport.

I bought medicine at the airport, and took it with me to the bathroom. I started crying, I wanted to kill myself. I was so sick I felt like my head was spinning. I would continue to keep buying medication from the kiosk, and got a flight back home 12 hours earlier than my intended flight.

I told my parents I caught something at the airport, which was the reason why I looked so sick. They took me to the hospital. I remember them telling me my weight, and just feeling a rush of guilt. Found out that I had a very low oxygen level, and some kind of tonsillitis, and a fever.

I've been losing and gaining ever since I broke up with him. The way he objectified my body really put a lot on my mentality. I'll never know if my body will ever be good enough.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so embarrassed.
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 09:48:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ace7e/im_so_embarrassed/

[Help] I need to get my ED back
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | CW: 128 | 23 | GW:89 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 09:44:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7acd3d/i_need_to_get_my_ed_back/

[Discussion] Reverse body dysmorphia? [Discussion]
/u/instantanarchy [5'3 | 150 | 27 | FTM]
Created: Thu Nov 2 09:31:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ac9xp/reverse_body_dysmorphia_discussion/
So, normal people with eating disorders see themselves as bigger than they actually are, right? But I see myself as smaller/thinner. Like, I trick myself into seeing bones or thinness even though my weight and measurements demonstrably prove otherwise (high end of "healthy" bmi, overfat by waist/height ratio). The knowledge that I'm not seeing myself accurately drives me to keep losing weight, keep restricting, keep relapsing, because otherwise I'm scared I'll get enormous and not even notice.

[Help] Metabolism and Misconceptions
Created: Thu Nov 2 09:19:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ac72w/metabolism_and_misconceptions/
Hi guys so I’m going on fasts but I’ve heard your metabolism slows down. Does that mean I wouldn’t burn a TDEE of around 1600 then? If I exercise or drink black coffee, which I hear is good for boosting the metabolism will it help?
I’ve also heard that going on fasts means once you stop you will gain all the weight back.
Is this true? What are your experiences or other misconceptions?
Thanks a lot for any pointers

[Discussion] Worst things to purge?
Created: Thu Nov 2 09:12:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ac5ca/worst_things_to_purge/
I honestly think wasabi is the #1 worst thing to purge. 10/10 would not recommend. What do you think is the worst thing to purge? I'd like to see what I can agree on, because although purging in itself sucks, I kind of enjoy it sometimes? Maybe I am odd.

Another Binge Post
Created: Thu Nov 2 09:03:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ac329/another_binge_post/
It starts out as a fleeting idea; a mere want. That mere want quickly turns into a torturous desire that penetrates me at my core; The impatient need hits. I can't wait. I can't fucking wait to self destruct again. Leave me alone, get out of my way, it's all about me. Alone or not, now at least, I indulge-- shamefully, yet ever so self righteously-- in my appetite.

My thoughts are still here, swirling around my head; I just start thinking about how 'I deserve this', and how I am a piece of shit, pathetic, disgusting, failed failure, fraud...

Yet I continue. I wait for some profound touch of light, or strike of magic to come from within me, within my despairing heart, from fucking anywhere... But all that I'm left with is the shame and remorse of my actions and anxiety over the very real consequences at hand.

I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, leaning towards hell. I can't stand myself and my current reality. I'm fat. I'm filthy. I'm disgusting. I'm alone. I'm unlovable. I'm selfish. I'm nothing.

There is a sick comfort in this process; a high from the binge, a high from the purge, an attractive allure to the self destruction, succumbing to overwhelming belief that I am my own self fulfilled prophecy.

Ultimately, though, I tell myself that I don't want it, and find myself here over, and over. I don't want recovery; I don't think I deserve it. Although it has been stated that particular body size does not necessarily define an individuals illness, I can't help but feel that it is different for me; I'm disgustingly fat, and for scale, "average" BMI. Well....maybe not after this binge...

I want to have this change occur internally, but I want to want it; similar to my early days in recovery from substance abuse. I wanted to want to be clean and sober, but I was (and very obviously am) afraid to face myself and live my life without a source of sick, devastating, and destructive comfort. In the same vein, I'm exhausted from this oppressive mentality of crippling self hate and fear.

Physically, it feels like I'm deteriorating. Mentally I don't think I can continue on this way. All I can do is lay in bed, sleep, and wake up so I can stuff my face, wallow in pity and anxiety, decide to do absolutely nothing, and go back to sleep, rinse and repeat for...weeks..now.

Where did my want for strict regiment and self control go? Why did the restricting aspect leave me? I had it, and it was wonderful. I felt like I was unstoppable. Now, and for the last week or two, I can't stop thinking about food, binging, purging, and overall feeling dissatisfied.

I'm on mobile, so I apologize, but can't tag this.
I don't know what I want or need right now. I don't know how to get out of this. All I can say is I trust you here in this community and I appreciate you listening.

[Tip] I found this amazing spreadsheet that organizes food by protein per calorie and wanted to share!
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 105 | 18.5 | F 🍍]
Created: Thu Nov 2 08:46:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7abz64/i_found_this_amazing_spreadsheet_that_organizes/
The spreadsheet is [here](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PnUZ3NnjUxXRGoLcdMsV6fztsmon4AMSzYcnOCwlG2M/edit#gid=0) and i totally recommend you check it out!

Lately Ive been exercising more and wanting to get some protein in because got DAMN my muscles are sore and not recovering the next day. So i started trying to math which foods i had that would give me protein for the smallest amount of cals, and low and behold a redditor already did the math for me!

The original reddit post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/2fa487/foods_ranked_by_protein_per_calorie/).

tuna and shrimp here i come!

[Rant/Rave] I just had one of the dumbest triggers...
Created: Thu Nov 2 08:26:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7abud2/i_just_had_one_of_the_dumbest_triggers/
So, i was at a thrift store looking for clothes as mine are starting to fall off. I found a cute sweater and tried it on, it fit but it was a little tight. But, the sweater was a size large. So, i freaked out thinking i must have gained and whatnot. I immediately went and purged.

When i came back i found out i was in the children's section. Oops.

I’ve lost almost 40 pounds and I can’t see a difference at all.
Created: Thu Nov 2 08:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7absrd/ive_lost_almost_40_pounds_and_i_cant_see_a/

[Help] Motivation to restrict?
Created: Thu Nov 2 07:05:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7abcou/motivation_to_restrict/

[Help] Stupid question about exercise
/u/talktoaliens [5'6" | CW:113 | GW:110 | 18.4]
Created: Thu Nov 2 07:04:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7abcli/stupid_question_about_exercise/
Say I do 15k steps in a day but ONLY from walking vs 10k steps which is walking + say ~30 minutes of running, which one would burn more calories? And what if it was 10k steps walking vs 10k steps walking + a 30 min run? My instinct says that obviously running is more strenuous and burns more, but if you’re doing the same amount of steps (over a longer period I guess?) then maybe it’s the same?

[Other] I told my boyfriend about my ED
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW:85bs | 21F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 06:55:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7abasg/i_told_my_boyfriend_about_my_ed/
I was so scared of telling him after hiding for so long but it was becoming too painful to keep pretending I was ok. It was super emotional and it took a huge weight off me because now I don't have to hide anymore. He's been super supportive and understanding. He went and bought me bagels and chocolate this morning (which were thrown out as soon as he left sorry,) because he's a little clueless but I cried a bunch anyway.

[Discussion] Traveling with Others
Created: Thu Nov 2 06:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ab4e0/traveling_with_others/
I’m going out of town with a friend and some of her family this weekend - I’ve been fasting all week so far but I know I’ll have to eat when I’m with them. How do you guys hide your smaller portions or general obsessiveness with food? Sorry if this is silly or common sense, I’ve actually always had a problem with binging and never got the courage to restrict + have avoided eating with others for a while now.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support November 02, 2017
Created: Thu Nov 2 06:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ab2e3/weekly_emotional_support_november_02_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 02, 2017
Created: Thu Nov 2 06:09:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7ab250/daily_food_diary_november_02_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm just being overdramatic
/u/yaboyspissed [5'7" | M19 | b/p mess]
Created: Thu Nov 2 05:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aaz7d/rantrave_i_feel_like_im_just_being_overdramatic/
Whenever I feel week or tired or crappy and I know its because of my ED, I always seem to twist it around on myself and just say that its me being an overdramatic mother fucker. Tired at work and feeling faint? No, can't be ED related!!! You're just lazy af, and your BMI is 16.69 so it can't possibly be that bad.

Anyone else feel like this?

[Rant/Rave] Stuck between a rock and a hard place
Created: Thu Nov 2 05:29:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aav7z/stuck_between_a_rock_and_a_hard_place/
I feel sick and I want to purge so badly, but I've been trying to force myself to stop to keep my teeth and throat healthy but ever since I started resisting, I'll go through several hours of the worst nausea and headaches and acid and I'm not sure how to stop this, I'm kind of damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Also I've been binging (I'm talking 3000ish calorie days) the last two days and it's only making this worse and I don't know how to stop, I feel so sick.

Sorry if this doesn't contribute much, I just don't have anybody to talk to about this since none of my friends or family care and I wanted to get it off my chest.

[Discussion] Dec. 30th - Nov. 2nd 2017 Questions of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 04:54:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aapn7/dec_30th_nov_2nd_2017_questions_of_the_day/
I’m so sorry lovelies, I keep forgetting to look at the book!

Oct. 30th:

Are you able to tell when you have enough?

Oct. 31st;

Halloween plans? What’s your costume?

Nov. 1st:

What was something you couldn’t do today?

Nov. 2nd:

What’s your biggest expense right now?


[Help] How to handle obsessive thoughts with food?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 04:25:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aalji/how_to_handle_obsessive_thoughts_with_food/
I will get major cravings, and try to curb them with healthier substitutes but then I end up eating the substitutes and ultimately eating whatever thing I was trying to avoid. Like today: chocolate. Couldn't get it out of my head, tried grapes and blueberries and other healthier sweet things. Didn't help; the thoughts kept hounding me and I couldn't focus on my work. I was only able to focus after eating a kitkat.

How do you get rid of cravings/manage food obsessions, preferably without eating alternatives because that doesn't seem to be helping?

[Discussion] Has anyone bought clothes they can't wear?
Created: Thu Nov 2 04:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aajl8/has_anyone_bought_clothes_they_cant_wear/
I am considering buying this sweater because of this photo..


But I wouldn't be able to wear it and look like her until I lose literally 30 lbs..

Is this a stupid idea? Lol

[Help] Where do you buy jeans?
Created: Thu Nov 2 03:25:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aadgp/where_do_you_buy_jeans/

[Help] My head feels like a hurricane when I'm not hard restricting
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9 | CW: 177lbs | BMI:25 | GW:150lbs | 27F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 02:59:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7aaa36/my_head_feels_like_a_hurricane_when_im_not_hard/
With my ED there is control, stability and grace. I feel like I can take on the world.

Recently I've tried to be normal, for my husbands sake. I lasted I think two weeks and I'm back again because I feel like my life is falling to pieces and I can't seem to get it back together.

I don't know how to describe it.

I day dream about days my husband and I don't both have off together so I can fast all day at home while cleaning and delcuttering.

Am I insane?

[Help] Worried that my new meds are gonna make me gain...have any of you gained while on antidepressants?
Created: Thu Nov 2 01:27:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9zdf/worried_that_my_new_meds_are_gonna_make_me/
I've been taking Prozac for about a week now...googled it and it said it could make me gain weight?

[Other] Snapchat buddies?
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5"| -13lb | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 2 01:02:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9w43/snapchat_buddies/

[Rant/Rave] can’t sleep
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.14 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Thu Nov 2 00:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9rw5/cant_sleep/
i can never sleep when im fasting. its only been 28 hours. fuck. don’t know whether or not to continue with my fast tomorrow, ideally the answer would be ‘yes’ but realistically it’s probably a ‘no’. i just have to remember that its all up to me, only i can decide whether or not i continue with this fast. i need to continue it, i know this, but in the end it all comes down to willpower. man i just want to die.

[Rant/Rave] I’m feel so disgusting!
Created: Wed Nov 1 23:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9hqb/im_feel_so_disgusting/
I feel like the biggest failure right now. I’ve been extreme restricting since my relapse but even at ~200 calories (some days less) I feel even bigger than before. Why is it that I feel like I’m faking this. The one thing I’m supposed to feel control over. The one thing I can do right in my life and I’m not doing that right!! I’m going to fast until I can’t get out of bed. I’m not eating until there’s no other option. I refuse to stay a failure. I refuse to be fat and out of control anymore! This feeling ends tonight. xxx

[Rant/Rave] I am so done.
Created: Wed Nov 1 23:15:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9gvk/i_am_so_done/
I hate this. I hate what ever is controlling me . I hate binging on 2,000 calories in the span of 30 minutes. I hate being the only thirteen year old with an ED at this school. I hate how people value me more now that I am 88 pounds then when I was 125. I hate how my friends comment on every food choice I make. I hate how my beautiful friend hates herself and thinks I am perfect. I hate how my mom watches every bite that enters my body. I hate how my art teacher comments on my weight. I hate how my best friend calls me a whore because I wear red lipstick to distract from the purge bloat. I hate how my dad thinks I am still fat. I hate this. I didn’t sign up for this. I want out.

[Help] 200 mg caffeine pills & appetite suppression?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Wed Nov 1 23:09:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9fzz/200_mg_caffeine_pills_appetite_suppression/

[Rant/Rave] Verbal Abuse & fasting
Created: Wed Nov 1 23:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9fdx/verbal_abuse_fasting/
My bf is honestly a verbal abuser & I literally don't eat because of him since the comments about my weight, my fat thighs and seeing all the skinny models on his computer. But he is a big guy which is stupid and forces me to eat with him idk I think it's double standards and if he wanted to lose weight he wouldn't binge on all this food and reflect on me.

Not hungry?
Created: Wed Nov 1 22:39:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a9b8b/not_hungry/

[Help] 21 hours into a 24 hour fast
Created: Wed Nov 1 22:15:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a96z9/21_hours_into_a_24_hour_fast/
I'm almost there, I've been feeling amazing all day and I was barely even hungry but OH MY GOD ALL I WANT IS SALAD WITH A MOUNTAIN OF CROUTONS AND DRESSING. Can you lovely people give me some support in staying strong and making it to the end of the night please? I love you all ❤️

[Discussion] Purging For the First Time, Not What I Expected
/u/grrrlgang [5'5" | SW: 170 | CW:158 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Nov 1 22:03:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a94qs/purging_for_the_first_time_not_what_i_expected/
So I purged for the first time today and it was a surreal experience to say the least. I normally tend to restrict but for some reason something in my brain just flipped. I ate a normal amount of food ~1000 calories which is more than I wanted but a number I could accept.

The problem started when I got in the shower after dinner. I know I fucked up when I got on the scale and was 2 pounds heavier. I know I shouldn't have done that. I know logically I can't gain 2 pounds in a day. I know that. But I was showering and there was some little voice telling me to just try, just see if I could throw my dinner up. And I tried and I failed but that voice just told me to keep going until it worked.

Purging was such an out of body experience and I don't think I like it. I felt numb and I couldn't stop. Even when I knew all my dinner was out the tiny voice told me to keep going. I had to force myself not to keep trying because logically I knew there was nothing left. Does anyone else ever experience this? Like the feeling of knowing to stop, knowing not to purge, and yet feeling compelled to regardless. It's was so strange to not feel in control but at the same time it made me feel more in control afterwards.

[Discussion] [Discussion] Does anyone else use the shitty stuff that's happened to them lately as motivation to get skinnier?
/u/gawainspussy [5'2.5| 139.4 |F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 21:59:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a93mj/discussion_does_anyone_else_use_the_shitty_stuff/
My grades are shit, I'm fat as fuck, and people suck.

[Help] bloated & too full: should i take a lax or diuretic?
Created: Wed Nov 1 21:57:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a93ci/bloated_too_full_should_i_take_a_lax_or_diuretic/

[Rant/Rave] Years
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 21:26:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8xrb/years/
This is kind of a rambling stream of consciousness so sorry in advance...

Sometimes I wonder if I'll always be like this. In the past I thought it was just going to be my way of life I was permanently stuck with. I actually recovered for 2 years which changed everything and made me realize recovery IS possible which is something I so desperately hoped and wanted to believe, and needed to hear. Since relapsing, I look back and see how much of my life I've preoccupied myself with thoughts of food, restricting, over-exercising, and self-loathing. It's been a good 7 years and I'm just amazed and so sad realizing that. I don't know what this is, but I'm just not doing too well right now.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so worthless
Created: Wed Nov 1 21:18:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8wf4/im_so_worthless/
I have nobody in my life. Technically that's not true, it's not like I'm literally isolated, but it feels that way. I have no friends, and my family hates me. I have nobody that I can talk to, or trust, or depend on, or hang out with. It's terrible. My mom tells me every chance she gets that I'm a horrible person and that I don't do anything but cause drama and complain, and she hates me. I feel like I try so hard to be perfect, but I'm a complete failure. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I just wish I had one supportive person in my life.

[Rant/Rave] Just binged and turned an 800cal day into a 3300cal one
/u/lavendersmoke [5'5" | CW 127.4 | GW 105 | -5 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 21:08:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8uaq/just_binged_and_turned_an_800cal_day_into_a/
I've been thinking a lot about chewing and spitting but to me it seemed wasteful, but now I wish I had. I can't purge because my boss is in the next room and will kill me if she catches me doing that but fuck this fucking sucks.
Tomorrow I'm going to take an EC stack so I won't even be tempted to eat. Ugh

[Rant/Rave] My clothes are falling off, but I feel fatter than ever.
/u/boozeandbunnies [5'6" | CW 118 | GW 110 | BMI 19 | -12lbs | F/23 |]
Created: Wed Nov 1 21:01:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8sxo/my_clothes_are_falling_off_but_i_feel_fatter_than/
Also I’m really annoyed because I just got these clothes and now I’m going to have to buy new shit again. Fuuuuck.

I have the teeniest sliver of a thigh gap though. So 🤷‍♀️

[Help] ADVICE ON EATING OUT...with other humans
Created: Wed Nov 1 20:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8n4m/advice_on_eating_outwith_other_humans/
Without revealing too much about myself, I will say that I live in a city that is very well known to be a hub of so so much great food. Which, I guess we can say about most lovely cities, no? This just means that inadvertently I'm asked out to dinner at least once a week. Anyway, can you all help me with how to maintain my diet around PEOPLE? It gets really tough to not trigger a binge and fall off track for 2/3 days when I know other people are watching me eat. I used to get away with always inviting people to my place to cook so I was fully in-control, but now even that's just getting to be a) messy and b) annoying. I guess I am just looking for some advice as to how to go to brunch and you know, not just get the fucking oatmeal or fruit I guess? I just hate the "that's all?" comment it drives me insane. Then there's the other side of me that goes out to eat or to a party in attempt to be normal and morph into an animal cause I say to myself, "Ok I want to eat like a normal human...consume your alcohol like a normal human" ...idk it's always one extreme or the other with me, and when I fall off the wagon it takes me 3/4 days to get back up.

So this weekend, I have a brunch with an old friend, and since yesterday I have been grappling with how to go about it without completely fucking up my whole next week. The brunch is Sunday, and I'm thinking this hard about it!! Ugh WHY?!!? Thanks for your help yall.

[Rant/Rave] I “only” ate 1000 calories today but I feel so bloated its like Im pregnant.
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 110| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 20:22:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8l37/i_only_ate_1000_calories_today_but_i_feel_so/
My target is 500. I have been doing pretty good so far. But today I broke my streak and binged 500 more calories in the form of eggs, toast, and a shitton of cabbage.

And oh my GOD. My stomach feels so bloated its like its gonna burst. This is so uncomfortable. I have never felt this full in my life yet I still have that uncontrollable urge to stuff my face.

And to think this could have all been prevented by a single piece of chewing gum (I ran out).

[Rant/Rave] The worst thing about an eating disorder is you actively want to be mentally ill
/u/aziz18023 [5'7| CW: 111 | GW: 105 | M/15]
Created: Wed Nov 1 20:21:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8kyy/the_worst_thing_about_an_eating_disorder_is_you/
Like it would be easy to stop if I didn't want to keep my eating disorder because it's the only thing keeping me skinny

[Rant/Rave] I don't know what the fuck is happening to my body but at least I barely ate for the past 3 days?
/u/ayvyns [5'7“ | 135| 21.14 | -7 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 20:14:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8jj0/i_dont_know_what_the_fuck_is_happening_to_my_body/

[Rant/Rave] "Binge" series crowdfunding is happening 11/27
/u/ALonelySeaCucumber [5'6" | CW 139.6 GW 110 | 22.5 | -20.4 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 20:10:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8ijr/binge_series_crowdfunding_is_happening_1127/
I hope this is allowed, but I wanted to let everyone know that "binge" is crowd funding, starting November 27th, to be able to make 5 more episodes! I'm super excited, and I signed up to be an ambassador for the show because I think this series is well made and very important.

I'm dropping the link to the pilot, in case anyone didn't see it or wants to see it again😊

[Rant/Rave] People think I'm pregnant
Created: Wed Nov 1 20:01:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8gok/people_think_im_pregnant/

[Rant/Rave] holy crap how do you guys hold down normal jobs, i cant do this
/u/champu-petal [5'6" | CW: 110 | HW: 152 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 19:56:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a8fn5/holy_crap_how_do_you_guys_hold_down_normal_jobs_i/
i literally feel so shitty and just wanna quit and go home and this job i have is extremely prestigious but i can't keep up with the requirements. i spend half the day by the private fourth floor bathroom worried that i'll involuntarily vomit or pass out. and i just feel so alone bc when i tried to tell me boss i was struggling, she seemed kinda upset with me. i don't look sick, i hide it well, so she must think i'm making excuses

seriously how do you guys stay functional

[Discussion] Stomach issues
Created: Wed Nov 1 19:19:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a87ic/stomach_issues/

[Help] Party in 2 days and I need to look skinny/get rid of bloat. But there are obstacles...help!
Created: Wed Nov 1 18:48:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a80s2/party_in_2_days_and_i_need_to_look_skinnyget_rid/

[Rant/Rave] just feeling a way today
/u/underandoverwhelmed [5'4" | f | cw 141.1]
Created: Wed Nov 1 18:39:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7yzt/just_feeling_a_way_today/
it’s been one of those overcast days that feels like everything has slowed down; it has me groggy and lazy. as to be expected, food has been a difficult situation for me to deal with today. while I’ve been maintaining a fairly steady 200-400 calorie per day habit, I’ve been quite physically active at work, and I’m starting to get to the point where I have to keep something safe to eat on me at all times. so, tonight at the grocery store, I mulled around all of the aisles, and I only came out with two things. it’s been difficult to find something that feels safe and also adheres to my dietary needs. quick background: I have food allergies and sensitivities that really fuck me up. so, I’m still feeling uneasy about the bars, but I don’t have the energy to prepare food right now, and I feel like a lot of the easy whole foods I can eat are fruit. even if it’s a whole food, I really don’t vibe with the sugar. I’m sure the next-level feelings I’m having today are semi-fueled by the fact that I was diagnosed with an autoimmune/inflammatory condition. I’m just out of sorts on top of my already fragile existence where I feel internally, silently plagued by my major depression, anxiety, work, school, and just a general lack of self-worth and self-esteem. so, yeah, hey.

[Rant/Rave] I think I figured it out
Created: Wed Nov 1 18:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7wwz/i_think_i_figured_it_out/
I still don't think that I have an eating disorder, but my eating and thoughts about my body/eating are definitely messed up. I could never understand why, but I think I'm starting to understand why. My mom is always being really critical of me, and doesn't care about me nearly as much as she cares about my siblings. She just spent a bunch of time reminding me of that. She basically just told me that everyone hates me and that I'm a terrible person, and of course that doesn't make me feel great about myself. I really want to starve or binge, I'm not sure, which is horrible because I was actually doing really good there past couple of days and eating normal amounts of food and feeling great about it. It was nice while it lasted. I don't deserve to eat like a normal person.

[Other] Louis Theroux's "Talking to Anorexia"
/u/doyouhearthatbatsy [5'7" | -70lbs]
Created: Wed Nov 1 18:21:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7uxw/louis_therouxs_talking_to_anorexia/

[Goal] I'm trying to recover
/u/skinnysynth [5'3.25" | 113 lbs | 19.9 | -15 lbs | 🤖]
Created: Wed Nov 1 18:04:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7qmz/im_trying_to_recover/
Not because I particularly give a shit about myself, but because I want to be a nicer person again. My ED makes me legitimately mean. Just cruel and harsh and horrible. My idols, my role models, are all soft and kind in the face of a cruel world, and I should be that way, too. This isn't a way to live.

But I know I don't want to gain any weight. I'm fortunate that I'm at a weight that I can maintain. I'm taking baby steps. But I need to get out of this. It's the mental side, the emotional and social side, that needs healing. I'm not 16 anymore, I'm not the angry intellectual reclusive Sherlock Holmes wannabe I was last time around, where starving myself made me special and superior. I'm an adult woman, I know better, and I need to start living in the real world again.

[Intro] quick intro
/u/wxnter- [5'4 | CW: 118~ | 20.65 | 15lbs ]
Created: Wed Nov 1 17:54:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7oh5/quick_intro/
hi!! Ive been lurking for quite a bit so i guess i should introduce myself. i'm a college student. Last year i hit rock bottom with my ed and ended up in treatment for half a year. ive been in recovery for a bit but i just got off all my meds and started birth control at the same time which caused me to start gaining weight (I think - I'm not allowed a scale). so now im finding myself starting to relapse. being in my ed always is my comfort place, and gaining weight terrifies me (ive been kinda chubby most of my life up until last year). all i know is that i at least want to lose 15-20 pounds by christmas.

[Help] please, i need help getting back in the swing of things.
Created: Wed Nov 1 17:52:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7o37/please_i_need_help_getting_back_in_the_swing_of/

[Help] Binge/Purging
Created: Wed Nov 1 17:47:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7mw0/bingepurging/

[Help] Does anyone know what recovery looks like for a binge eater? And someone who restricts a lot after?
Created: Wed Nov 1 17:16:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a7fng/does_anyone_know_what_recovery_looks_like_for_a/
I'm thinking of going to get help. I'm scared though. I don't know if I can do it. I eat really unhealthy foods. I binge maybe once or twice a week, and then other days, I'll probably eat one or two things? I'm sick of this. I don't want to die. I feel like shit.

[Rant/Rave] RANT: "At the moment unfortunately we do not have nutritional information available, however we do have some healthy alternatives options at the store."
/u/PleaseLoveMeAgain [5'2 | CW: 132lbs | GW: 110lbs | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 16:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a76cm/rant_at_the_moment_unfortunately_we_do_not_have/
Seriously, fuck you. You're a regional chain with over a dozen locations, all of which have the exact same menu. There's really no excuse not to have nutritional info available. And no, allowing me to substitute grilled chicken breast for fried chicken breast does not compensate for the hundreds upon hundreds of mystery calories in the rest of the dish.

I've eaten nothing all day because I knew I was going out tonight, but now I'm just going to order water.

losertown is a cruel mistress
/u/elliebearrrr [F21|5'6"|HW:190 SW:175 CW:148]
Created: Wed Nov 1 16:22:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a73bx/losertown_is_a_cruel_mistress/

[Discussion] Student film about Anorexia
Created: Wed Nov 1 16:14:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a71e2/student_film_about_anorexia/
I’m in my first year of doing film and uni and my first project is to make a short telling a story without any dialog. My first thought was to make it about Anorexia. I’ve started planning everything out and found an actresses.

I’m posting about this because I want some advise on how to make the short and non triggering as possible. I know a lot about eating disorders, I have personal experience (or I wouldn’t be on this sight lol) and have done a lot of research, reading books and stuff (recommend the book waisted). What I need is advise on how to make sure it isn’t triggering. I don’t want it to be insensitive, offensive or trigger anyone.

I don’t want to glamorise eating disorders cuz it’s just not a glamorous thing but I’m worried showing the more “graphic” side could be really triggering, but I do want it to be really realistic. If you have any advise please share.

[Goal] The thing about goal clothes...YEAH
/u/howlowcanigo_45 [5'7|CW 122.2|19.1|GW 115| 23F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 16:06:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6zk9/the_thing_about_goal_clothesyeah/
OH MY GOD. The other day I was browsing along when I saw someone mention being surprised at being able to fit into a lower size pants than they thought. So being the online shopping addict I am I decided to buy a pair of size 1 jeans as a goal and motivation for me to keep going.

Got them today. AND THEY FUCKING FIT. WHAT. THE. HELL. They are stretchy and a little short but still, I'll take it as a win. Rolling up the bottoms and wearing them all winter.

Do you guys have goal clothes you try on? Are they clothes from a lower weight or new ones you bought just to motivate yourself?

[Help] calories in yerba mate??
Created: Wed Nov 1 15:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6tlq/calories_in_yerba_mate/
trying not to freak out because i just tried to log some yerba mate that i got from my university's dining hall & i'm not 100% sure if it's the low calorie unsweetened kind. it tastes super bitter, is served hot or chilled, is a golden clear yellow color, and i added some zero calorie life water to sweeten it.

i'm always paranoid about getting diet drinks from soda fountains in dining hall, idk why i thought this yerba mate would be any less anxiety inducing. any estimates as to what the calorie count would be? Thanks!!

[Discussion] Does Anyone Else Only Binge When PMSing?
Created: Wed Nov 1 15:03:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6km3/does_anyone_else_only_binge_when_pmsing/
Can't flair, on mobile, sorry!

But I was recently in a week long binge where I just said "fuck calorie counting, gonna get buck wild". I gained three pounds and I'm on the verge of tears because I was losing so much up until this point. Then I started my period and I'm back to no cravings, no hunger, nothing.

PMS is ruining my life, I swear. I only binge when I'm PMSing and I only fight with my fiancé when I'm PMSing because I'm a raging bitch.

Ugh kill me.

[Discussion] Do you guys work out often?
Created: Wed Nov 1 14:53:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6hwd/do_you_guys_work_out_often/
I’m always in a constant battle with working out because I like it a lot but I don’t eat enough calories to have the energy to workout as hard as I want to. What do you guys do?

[Help] Productivity triggers intense restriction, not sure how to feel
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW 132 | HW 155 | GW 125 | UGW 107 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 14:44:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6fp9/productivity_triggers_intense_restriction_not/
I developed my eating disorder around the same time I started feeling enormous pressure to be perfect with school & extracurriculars when I was 9.

Now I'm 26 but if I have a super productive week, I automatically feel this intense need to restrict heavily and barely eat. I mean, I still want to lose 15-20 lbs and I can afford to lose this weight if I'm being honest. But I am uneasy about how my brain seems to connect success to not eating. I know this isn't true for me, but I can't seem to shake it.

I don't want to stress too much over this, and end up overcorrecting and binging because that's definitely a possibility for me too. But at the same time, I really want to continue losing the weight with high restriction and yoga, it's done wonders for my mental state and I've been really happy.

Just wondering if you guys have any similar experiences? I feel so stupid for being this way.

[Discussion] Pre-Binge Guilt
Created: Wed Nov 1 14:42:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6fg0/prebinge_guilt/
Some days I get this feeling inside me that I can only describe as a mixture of guilt, shame, and a compulsion to binge. It almost always leads to an actual binge. There are days where I wake up with this feeling and tell myself I will be strong, only to end up falling victim to this self generated fate. Anyone else feel this way?

[Discussion] Let your self eat above your calorie limit?
Created: Wed Nov 1 14:29:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6cfv/let_your_self_eat_above_your_calorie_limit/
Hi again.

Just wondering if anyone let yourself eat above your calorie limit for one day or two?

Today I eat a kebab with fries because I haven’t pooped for so long lol. But at the same time I feel bad because I’ve managed to stay under my limit and lost weight pretty quick lately.

Self sabotage
Created: Wed Nov 1 14:29:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6ceu/self_sabotage/

[Rant/Rave] Crying in the toilets on my anniversary
/u/Dietfuckingcoke [5'4'' | CW 113.4 lbs | BMI 19.3 | GW 108 lbs | 24F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 14:24:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a6bbu/crying_in_the_toilets_on_my_anniversary/
Me and my boyfriend are celebrating our two year anniversary with a 3 course meal at a really amazing fancy Chinese restaurant. I'm a vegetarian and there is only two option so I was going to get the vegetarian chicken and veg but it wasn't available so the other veggie option is a massive plate of noodles. I just picked the veg out of them and left the rest. Being a bitch to my boyfriend as well coz I feel like shit. I fucking hate this disorder 😭😭😭

[Rant/Rave] There’s never any “pay-off”
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7 👶🏼 99lbs 🍋 15~]
Created: Wed Nov 1 13:42:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a60u0/theres_never_any_payoff/
It never fucking ends. Obsessively calculating the same calories 100 times a day; planning out every single bite for tomorrow; feeling like shit if something doesn’t go exactly to plan; freaking out over socialising because HOLY SHIT WHAT IF THEY EXPECT ME TO EAT; not being able to enjoy getting drunk and partying because HOO BOY, we’ll have to make up for those extra calories with an extended fast next week; breaking down because restaurants don’t list their exact calorie contents; bursting into tears because my mom tried to be nice and bought me toffee apples I hadn’t planned for; melting down because I can’t even trust prepackaged food these days...do I need to go on? Lmao

The point is, there’s no big reward - never any real feeling of satisfaction or happiness. I thought once I was “thin enough,” the work would be done: I’d be happy and could eat what I want, when I want. But no, because that means I’ll just gain again, and all of this will have been for nothing.

At this point, it feels like I have no choice other than to keep going. Unless I accept the fact I’m going to gain weight, I have to stick with this shit forever - and that’s actually kinda really fuckin’ scary.


[Other] BuJo, November calendar! Starting new. 1wk fast tomorrow.
/u/murdermttens [5'6"| fat |gw 98| F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 13:33:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a5yp9/bujo_november_calendar_starting_new_1wk_fast/

[Discussion] Banking calories for splurges
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 12:48:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a5nt3/banking_calories_for_splurges/
It’s November 1st which means my favorite holiday is near and I’ll start banking calories to eat on Thanksgiving. Anyone else use long term deficits to indulge?

[Rant/Rave] 'You overestimate the amount of calories you eat'
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 123 | 21.4 | GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Wed Nov 1 12:10:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a5ehm/you_overestimate_the_amount_of_calories_you_eat/
Immediately followed up with 'that's why you eat so little' no I eat so little because I'm fat. I want to lose weight despite the fact I think I'm ready for recovery. I overestimate to get thinner because then I'll be pretty/handsome and maybe people will tell me I'm pretty/handsome and I'll be happy about myself.

I've been told no more coffee because I'm apparently on the verge of being manic but fuck it.

[Discussion] Anyone have experience maintaining at a BMI that's slightly underweight?
Created: Wed Nov 1 11:18:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a51bj/anyone_have_experience_maintaining_at_a_bmi_thats/
Hi I'm *new*. (Actually I'm a long-time lurker who's never actually posted before, so please let me know if I have to change anything, thanks!) I've been struggling with some disordered eating patterns for a little over a year now and I really hate how much time/energy/focus they take from my life. BUT, I can't let them go because I still want to lose weight, and even when I start out high restricting I end up falling back into them.

My question is has anyone here maintained a BMI in 17s to low 18s and been able to reduce the obsession around food/calories? I'm at a high 19 now, and ideally once I reach that point I'd like to switch to maintenance. I'd also like to know for people who are there and eating at maintenance if you're able to function pretty normally in terms of having energy, normal hunger levels etc. Thanks for any help and perspectives you can share!

**Edit to add**: Thank you so much to everyone who replied so far! This really helps a lot, and gives me hope that I won't be miserable at my gw when I get there (one day) lol

[Help] Realizing I want to be sick and the guilt that comes with that fact
/u/ariisjustterrible [5'0 | 106 | GW:90 | HW:~160|18F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 11:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a5024/realizing_i_want_to_be_sick_and_the_guilt_that/
today it's dawned on me that part of my goal is... being ill? when i think about reaching my goal weight i think about feeling weak and having the results of my ED be truly apparent... it's apart of what i strive for.
am i a bad person? i'm sure other people feel this way but i feel so twisted- so many people are dealing with these things and trying to be better and im sat here dreaming about the repercussions.

edit:cant english most of the time

[Rant/Rave] Im pissed
Created: Wed Nov 1 11:11:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4zi5/im_pissed/

[Rant/Rave] RANT: my ED is making me selfish
Created: Wed Nov 1 10:54:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4v9f/rant_my_ed_is_making_me_selfish/
So, this may be ranty. I'm not sure yet.

I knew this week would already be kind of shitty. Yesterday was my due date for the baby I lost back in March. I was prepared for this week to suck.

But, apparently the universe decided that wasn't enough.. My FIL passed away Monday. He had cancer and we knew it was coming, but it wasn't supposed to happen this soon. Understandably, my husband is distraught, as is his family.

I'm trying to help out as much as I can, supporting my mother-in-law and husband as best as possible. But my ED brain has lost its fucking mind. All I can think about is not eating. There is food everywhere, but my ED has decided I shouldn't be allowed to eat. So, while I'm trying to make sure my MIL and husband eat, I'm also trying to not eat. I panicked yesterday because my MIL asked if I had had anything to eat and I couldn't lie, but I didn't want to eat.

My ED has also decided to kick my body dysmorphia in overdrive. I take up too much space. I'm so large and I need to be smaller. I needed to get some clothes but I was too concerned about my size to get something in front of my tiny MIL.

I know this is my brain coping with loss, but it's not a good time for me to struggle this much. My husband is my main support and I don't need to give him more to work about. I need to help out and I don't need to be struggling. I feel like this makes me so selfish. This isn't about me and if I keep struggling, it will become about me.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just lost.

[Discussion] Best anti-binge quotes/reminders to put in my journal?
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 125 | F | 22]
Created: Wed Nov 1 10:52:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4usr/best_antibinge_quotesreminders_to_put_in_my/
Can't stop binging for like a week now, but tomorrow I have 50 days until my LDR boyfriend comes home for Christmas so I'm getting my shit together no matter what. I'm taking to writing everything down physically in a journal because that's helped break my cycle before (unfortunately time crunches are a huge hurdle, when I want to meet a goal by a specific date for some reason I suck ass).

Do any of you have weight-loss/ED journals? I would love to know what you put in them! Right now I've got a list of reasons to keep going; a weight tracker; model stats to envy/work toward; and daily calorie trackers. I'd love your input! <3

[Discussion] Muscle Cramps?
Created: Wed Nov 1 10:21:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4na6/muscle_cramps/

I'm beyond done.
Created: Wed Nov 1 10:11:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4l21/im_beyond_done/

[Help] Quiet workouts I can do without equipment?
Created: Wed Nov 1 09:49:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4fd8/quiet_workouts_i_can_do_without_equipment/

[Rant/Rave] He doesn't understand.
/u/ibizadaydreams [5'1 | CW120 | 22.7 | GW95| F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 09:42:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a4du7/he_doesnt_understand/
Our scale died and we finally got a battery for it. I weighed myself once at work and once at my moms over the past month and a half. One showed 130lbs and the other showed 125lbs. Both upset me.

I thought if I couldn't weigh myself everyday maybe I would lose weight and binge less. However I felt like I kept seeing myself getting bigger and bigger. Every time I looked in the mirror I looked HUGE. In the end my weight stayed the same pretty much. Whatever.

My husband comes out of the bathroom after weighing himself. He lost 17lbs and was very upset about it. Says it's the least amount he has ever weighed in his life. Bullshit. He looks the exact same as he always has. He's been going on and on this past month about his fucking wedding ring is falling off, he is on his last belt loop. He is so upset with himself that he "can't gain any weight". He doesn't eat anything. I eat WAY more than he does, every single day. It upsets me so much to cook a meal, split it in half and watch him not even finish his plate and I'm thinking I didn't cook enough/already thinking about what I will eat next.

I hate it. He doesn't understand. I can't talk about my weight around him because I get upset when his only suggestion is to stop eating junk food. Like it's that easy? Like I'm not fucking trying every single day to stop... But he can talk about his weight loss constantly. Pretending like he his trying hard to gain weight.

I wish he knew and understood how much it upsets me when he eats like a little girl and then acts like one when he weighs himself. It bothers me that he has so much self control. He stopped smoking, he stopped drinking caffeine, he doesn't eat junk food. No problem at all for him. His whole attitude of "don't come crying to me about your weight if are still eating junk food". I wish I could show him how hard it is for me. Fuck.

And then when I want to start working out or I make any attempt to exercise when he is around or to tell him about it because I'm proud I did something for myself. I get slapped with "I wish I had time to do that, I'm stuck working all the time" "Not fair that you can go to the gym or walk to work but my sore back wont let me" "I don't like hearing about you going and doing all of these things that I'm not comfortable doing" "You must think you look fine enough if you are okay being out in public and going to the gym".

[Other] EXCUSE ME. can't decide if I'm feeling personally attacked or have a confidant in the lab at school lolol
/u/placentagumbo [5'8" | CW 135 | GW 115 | UGW ?? | 26F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 08:37:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3ykg/excuse_me_cant_decide_if_im_feeling_personally/

[Discussion] Experiences telling ur homie about ur ED?...
Created: Wed Nov 1 08:34:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3xxa/experiences_telling_ur_homie_about_ur_ed/
Hey yall. Soooo I feel like I fucked up. My really good friend came into town last weekend, and we of course, partied our faces off (besides the point hehe). Anyway at the end of the night her and I were up chatting and I wound up talking to her about my ED and where it stems from, much like when I disclosed my issue to you all not too long ago. But, now she's like monitoring me and asking me which I suppose is only human, but I feel like I fucked up. I feel like you know, calling me every day to ask me if I have been eating or if I have been purging is just irritating and pressuring me. What also made me kind of upset was that she said she knew that I've struggled--and my first thing was like "UMM am I the topic of some dark conversation" but then also made me think "OMG AM I THIN?!" Idk, I just feel too vulnerable. I swear this is why I just keep my mouth shut and use this to vent bc you guys get that having someone monitor your food (THIS GIRL EVEN SENT ME A SET OF PANS-- LMAO I LOVE HER BUT NO, BABE, NOO). Anyway, I guess I am looking for advice as to 1) how I should monitor this situation and 2) how do I go about having an open conversation about my issues without someone calling me every day to see if I have eaten or B/P ?

[Rant/Rave] Isolating myself
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 08:23:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3vno/isolating_myself/
So long rambley rant coming here.

So I found out that my group of friends have created a group chat that doesn't include me, It shouldn't bother me as much as it does but god it hurts.
But I'm gonna try to use this as motivation to get to my goal weight.

If they don't want to be friends with me, I can at least use the hurt and pain to get my ass in gear and feel better about myself without them. I'll do what they do. Stay nice but make no attempt to start conversations or make any types of plans. Fuck em.

[Tip] Anti-binge hack, maybe
Created: Wed Nov 1 08:23:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3vlz/antibinge_hack_maybe/
So recently whenever i go over my calorie limit I'll just log the "surplus" food items in mfp/fitbit for the next day instead of for today. Seeing a relatively 'low' number for today makes me stay sane (as sane as can be) and doesn't set me up into full on binge mode (think "well now that I've messed up it doesn't matter anyway" ).

It kinda goes along with the usual "well, i ate too much today, have to eat less yesterday" but seeing "moderate" calories every day is way less triggering than having one huge red bar/ a red number of calories in general, plus i won't feel that hungry the next day (probably placebo haha) bc i see the food I've already logged for today. Also helps if you have one big binge and you can distribute the calories for it over a couple of days.

I don't know if this helps anyone, but i thought i might as well share it just for the chance that it helps even one of you. Definitely helped with my binges xx

[Rant/Rave] Pulled a muscle while purging...
Created: Wed Nov 1 08:07:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3rxl/pulled_a_muscle_while_purging/
Has anyone else done this or am I just that clumsy that I did this? I pulled a muscle in my lower abdominals - noticed it doing warm-ups at a gymnastics class.

This must be the stupidest thing that's happened to me because of my ED 👍

[Other] Christmas Shoping
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 07:56:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3pmo/christmas_shoping/
So my mom loves Christmas shopping early because she doesn't trust UPS to get stuff out to where we live (in the middle of nowhere) on time for Christmas. And since I don't live there anymore she has me email what I want to her. So far I have like 3 shirts all in size small, and they run small. Trying to use this as motivation to get to my next goal weight by Christmas, so I can actually wear my gifts

[Rant/Rave] I just want to be invisible
/u/sororityasian [5'4" | -5lbs | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Wed Nov 1 07:17:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3hrp/i_just_want_to_be_invisible/
Enough is enough. I’m tired of being used. And I know I’m being used because I see the relationships I want to emulate, between couples and friends, and talking them out to my therapist. My whole life I’ve been insecure and constantly seeking validation.

Now that I’m 20 I feel like I’ve lost control of everything while trying to keep up an image for myself. I’m tired of being seen as an easy sex toy and I blame my body for it. I have curves and fat in all the “right” places, but I want to be seen more than that. I’ve never been in love and I feel like it’s my body’s fault. I work hard in school to just have it over looked, that the things I know how to do with my mouth is more important than the things I actually know and say.

I’ve cycled in and out of ED’s, specifically bulimia, and I’m tired. I’m tired of looking like this. I want control. I want to be in love. I want my body to disappear.

[Rant/Rave] Coworker comments again: "Did you eat a lot of candy last night?"
Created: Wed Nov 1 06:57:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a3drh/coworker_comments_again_did_you_eat_a_lot_of/
So I posted a few days ago here: https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79oce6/coworkers_commenting_on_my_food/
About my coworker coming over and commenting on my eating habits while I was having lunch at my desk.


As we know, last night was Halloween, and I budgeted 2 mini Twix bars (cuz theyre my favorite) and some wine into my calorie goals for the day. I had my husband take all leftover candy to work with him today. So I'm good.


This morning he comes up to me and is like "Did you have a lot of candy last night?" with the stupidest grin on his face.



[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 01, 2017
Created: Wed Nov 1 06:13:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a35v3/daily_food_diary_november_01_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday November 01, 2017
Created: Wed Nov 1 06:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a35hu/way_to_go_wednesday_november_01_2017/
This is the weekly achievement thread for November 01, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Tip] This weight tracking site generates great graphs that show trends over time
/u/dotprinceton [5'3" | CW 102.6lb | BMI 18.68 | GW 92lb | 36F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 06:10:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a35cf/this_weight_tracking_site_generates_great_graphs/

[Help] Zantrex Black any good?
/u/headroom3 [pos]
Created: Wed Nov 1 05:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a33hs/zantrex_black_any_good/

[Discussion] Talked to my therapist today, and she said something interesting about overeating (x-post from r/xxfitness)
/u/TeenyBeanieWeenie [5'6 (66 in)| 127 lbs| 20 BMI | - 3| F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 05:28:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a2yif/talked_to_my_therapist_today_and_she_said/
The text below isn't mine. I included the link to the original at the bottom.

I'm recovering from an ED and this week I fell off the wagon and binged three days in a row. I consumed upwards of 4,000 calories every day and put on a few lbs, so I scheduled an appointment with my counselor to talk about what was going on. We were talking about why I do this and she asked me, "What else did you do this week?" My answers were, "I studied, I picked up extra hours at work, and I crammed for finals." She asked if I'd hung out with friends. Nope. Called my parents? Nope. She asked what fun things I'd done, and I couldn't think of one thing. Then she said, "Is it possible that eating is the only thing you do for yourself?"
That really struck me because I hadn't considered my eating habits from that angle, but as soon as she said it, I could see how true it was. I'm a full-time college student with two jobs and I honestly cannot remember the last time I spent time with my friends or did something fun. It feels like I'm always rushing from one thing to the next and I didn't realize what a toll that had.
I'm posting here to see if anyone else has had the same experience. I never knew why my ED developed and why I felt so out of control of my diet. I kept trying to fix it by focusing on my diet and exercise, but the problem was actually coming from somewhere else in my life. I called in sick from work today and I'm going to spend the afternoon shopping with my friends and we're going to go out to dinner afterwards. Even just making those plans made me feel a thousand times better and I didn't feel any urge to binge today :)

Original Post:

[Help] Maintaining Relationships?
/u/vaporeevie [5'5" | 115.7 | 19.3 | -31.3 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 1 05:13:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a2wb4/maintaining_relationships/
I've been struggling with a relapse since around April. I opened up to my partner in around June and he has been nothing but understanding and supportive without enabling. He has done reading about Eds without me asking, he is really just a perfect guy all around, which is why I moved across the world to be with him.

As my ED relapse has gotten worse and worse, my personality has changed, I have mood swings, I cry before during or after meals. It's just so unbelievably hard. I'm getting professional help next week, but part of me (obviously the sick part) doesn't want to get better. Have any of you maintained a healthy, loving relationship while deeply struggling? Any advice?

**mods please flair as help, on mobile and can't flair

[Other] My hands are orange!
/u/agent_philcoulson [5'4" | CW: 134 | GW: 120 | UGW: 110]
Created: Wed Nov 1 04:33:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a2ql7/my_hands_are_orange/
I ordered Overtone in extreme orange. It's like a hair stain. I forgot to wear gloves so I get to go to work with orange hands. Maybe I'll be so grossed out by them that I won't pick up food.

^one ^^can ^^^hope~~

Edit: Decided to fast today. Just made a new page in my brand new dot journal. Let's hope I can stick to it!

Edit 2: I ate 2 bite size Snickers. I have failed :( Fuck

It doesn’t work
Created: Wed Nov 1 00:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a1zay/it_doesnt_work/

[Goal] holding myself to these goals this month
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Wed Nov 1 00:53:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a1zad/holding_myself_to_these_goals_this_month/
1) lose the weight i gained over the summer, being underweight feels wonderful & i want that feeling back; it's less than 10 pounds, totally doable in a month and then i'll try to maintain

2) cut out most sugar and carbs

3) exercise more self-control around food. it's easy to eat extra calories, and much harder to lose that weight.

what are some goals that you lovely people have for this upcoming month?

[Discussion] I've started to purge everything I eat...?
/u/enigmatichoices [5'7F | 172 | -41 | gw: invisible]
Created: Wed Nov 1 00:52:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a1z4z/ive_started_to_purge_everything_i_eat/
So purging is sort of a new thing for me. I don't really know why it started, but I felt really good. At first I'd only purge if I had binged or eaten enough to make me full (which is one of my biggest binge triggers so I purge away that feeling) so now if I eat anything (not even bingeing just regular restriction) I purge it. Does anyone else do this? I'm spiraling kind of fast I guess.

[Help] facial bloating (& how to eliminate it)?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Wed Nov 1 00:09:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a1tnc/facial_bloating_how_to_eliminate_it/
anytime i eat (especially carbs & sugar or candy or w/e), i feel like my cheeks immediately get bloated and chubby. i initially assumed that it was purely psychological because i do have body dysmorphia. maybe it's because (and i know i mention my maintenance weight gain a lot on here and probably sound overdramatic) i gained 7 pounds pretty quickly and haven't been able to lose it quickly, but i feel like it's weird that my face gets easily bloated after eating junk food. maybe it's sodium or something. idk, this happen to anyone else?

[Discussion] Welcome to November.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 141.4 | UGW 105 | 24/F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 22:15:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a1cgl/welcome_to_november/
Do you know the great thing about November? It has no memory of October. If you asked November what happened last night, it couldn't tell you a single thing. If you cried on his shoulder and told him how much you overate at the end of October, November would just shrug. Typical November, only cares about himself (and ensuring Christmas decorations go up after Thanksgiving). He doesn't even care about December.

You have 30 days ahead of you. That's it. We're thinking short term. What can you do in those 30 days? Live in the now. Make all your actions support your goals. And take your vitamins. Always do that and drink plenty of water. Come on, we know this.

Point is, use November wisely. Close your eyes and pretend it's December 31st. That's 2 months from now. What will you be wishing you accomplished in two months? Why not think of all your New Year Resolutions and get a jump start on some? Even one.
I hope all of your have a wonderful November. Some of us will be stressing about Thanksgiving pretty soon, but it's just one day. Don't worry about it the whole month. We've got this. Just work towards your goals, keep them in mind, and be safe.


I posted this exact post last year and I found it was appropriate once more. I hope all of you end the year on a good note.

[Rant/Rave] Halloween night
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | gw 115 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 21:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a16nr/halloween_night/
Sorry on mobile, no flair!

Me, restricting at ~165 cals:

Sitting pretty on a couch, little black dress with tan legs. My friend, who is considerably taller and heavier, is sitting on the other side of the couch, stuffing her face with food.

Chips and dip. Chocolates. Lunchables. There's Ice cream in the fridge too.

We just got back from the grocery store. I look good tonight in my LBD and bomber jacket, I could barely feel my thighs jiggle- for once! I followed her through the store while she picked up random junk items for her crate she was carrying.

I kept my calm and grabbed a little package of seaweed and two diet caffeine free cokes. I even grabbed a pint of halo top to draw any suspicion away.

But here, were both sitting and I'm calm and in control lightly munching on seaweed crisps and sipping on bubbly diet coke.

Not trying to rag on my friend but restricting is just so so good.

I feel light and whispy.

I’ve decided to try water fasting
Created: Tue Oct 31 21:13:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a11p7/ive_decided_to_try_water_fasting/

[Intro] Introductions from a reoffender. [Trigger Warning]
/u/Spooky_Magic_Potion [5'3" | 166.0 | 29.4 | 34lbs | 27F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 20:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a0wqa/introductions_from_a_reoffender_trigger_warning/
Hello everyone, trying to become more involved with the community, so here is a bit about me.

I am 27 years old and, well, falling back into old habits.

Starting from the beginning, in 9th grade I started high-school at 5'3" 170 lbs. That's when I started to become really obsessive over my weight. Back in the day I logged everything on my Xanga page (showing my age right now) and had several ana friends I messaged with on AIM to support in fasting and to receive support from on fasting, giving my parents the slip, etc. I kept composition books on top of composition books that basically repeated everything I logged publicly on my Xanga. I went vegetarian and reached 105lbs in what I feel like now was quickly but then felt like complete ages. I tried going vegan then and, well, ended up drawing major attention from my parents after fainting one day. After that it was really hard for me to go any lower than 105lbs and really I never did but maintained between 105 and 115 on bad days throughout highschool.

College came and... Oh boy. I shot up to 130 in no time. My boyfriend at the time was like, "You should lose some weight" and it led to a bunch of fights, caused my work to suffer, I was stressed out of my mind with class and weight and fights and started seeing a therapist, money got super tight and I ended up leaving the boyfriend and college at the same time.

About a month or so later I met my now husband and he was/is amazing. I was depressed, he was depressed, we drank and stayed glued to each other and let everything in the world just melt away for months. Just vanished off the earth. We joke now about how we didnt meet each other until later when we both sobered up but during that hydrated time I dropped back down to 115ish and he had no issue with my weight so I didn't really care. I was like "Well, I can just start loosing again now that I am on my own when I want. He doesn't demand it and I don't have to hide it so I can relax for a bit."

We sobered. We married. We miscarried, and I went into a deep depression. Didn't know how I was going to ever climb out of that. I jumped up to the 150s and that made it worse. I mean, hated myself on a level I couldn't even articulate. Couldn't do the one thing my gender is capable of doing and couldn't even stand to look at myself in the mirror because I was disgusting. Thought, "Why would he ever try again with me?"

Well, eventually we did and succeeded and I was so scared to miscarry again I just sat. And ate. And hello 200lbs. I... Never thought I would ever, ever be at a weight that high. After I gave birth the weight didn't drop, but what did was my whole body. The stretch marks from my pregnancy are... They are still horrible (Freddy Krueger horrible) and it's been 4 years. My breasts are ruined. I was hit by PPD like a truck and fell ever lower than when I miscarried. When I say it's a miracle I survived some nights, it really is. The depression is much better now but sometimes I think my family just waited hoping on those really bad nights I would have just been motivated enough to stop burdening them. Anyway.

My daughter started school and it coincided with my depression turning around. I took out a loan and started going back to school. I feel amazing, I was a housewife for those 4 years with my daughter and it just seriously ate at everything I had in me. I love her but I wanted to be out there doing something. I'm just not housewife material, I respect those that are but I felt like a bird in a cage.

But, old habits die hard and guess who is back logging and tracking and measuring and journaling and keeping idle hands busy. This one. It really is a life long sickness, yeah? No matter if you put on the weight to hide it, you're still that insecure obsessive little girl with three separate compositon books with three different ways to log your disorder and make rules for yourself.

And what is sick is I feel so relaxed when I do. Like, it's such a stress relief for me to log and track everything. 34lbs down so far, hitting a wall this past week to break 165. Like... Just can't break it down. Maybe tomorrow. Goal weight is, as always and probably always will be, 100lbs. This time I think it's a bit more sentimental and motivational because it would literally be 100lbs lost. Like how great would that feel to achieve that? I get impatient thinking about it. :)

Anyway, that's me.

[Rant/Rave] I failed at restricting today. Fuck.
Created: Tue Oct 31 20:24:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a0sos/i_failed_at_restricting_today_fuck/

[Goal] november goals?
Created: Tue Oct 31 19:52:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a0m5z/november_goals/
what are everyone’s november goals? mine are to stay at or under 1,000 calories, and lose at least 8lbs.

[Other] How do other people eat normally?
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Tue Oct 31 19:16:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a0f04/how_do_other_people_eat_normally/
I just want to be normal around food. I can't even remember what it was like to not count calories. I'm looking at pictures of my family eating normally together, while I'm in the bathroom throwing up after binging and eating out of the trashcan. Can I please go back in time to 4 years ago?

[Discussion] Hungrier after purge?
/u/Wood_Nymph [5'7 | CW:173 | GW:130 | Female | -37lbs ]
Created: Tue Oct 31 19:12:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a0eav/hungrier_after_purge/
Does anyone else just get way hungrier after purging? I feel like a hungry hungry hippo,doesn't help it's Halloween and candy is on sale. Ugh

[Discussion] Finally going back to therapy tomorrow. Not sure how to feel
/u/autotrapqueen [5'7.5| CW 131.8 | 20.19 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 18:31:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a05n9/finally_going_back_to_therapy_tomorrow_not_sure/
I'm excited but also terrified. Definitely been long overdue and I need to make some changes.
I'm just scared it'll end up like all my other attempts at getting help, where I can't get a sentence in without bursting into tears, I get too nervous to tell the whole story, or the worst which has happened a few times where they don't really take me seriously.

I really want to get back on meds. I have a ton of issues beyond just my ED. At my school's counseling center you have to see a counselor before/concurrently seeing a psychiatrist. Would it be reasonable to go in and say that I need meds to stabilize myself before I can really talk about my problems? Or will they not help me if I don't say enough?
I feel like I'm doing the best I can to cope without medicine but that it's still not enough, which is the gist of what I want to talk about. I don't want to come across as a pill seeker because I know that's not what the counselors job is.
At the same time though I'm also really scared of going on meds because of potential side effects (especially terrified of sleep meds, bad experiences with these), or them really not helping at all like in the past.
Anyways, any advice from people who are scared of therapy/had to go on meds for any reason?

[Other] Did anyone else purposely buy their favorite Halloween candy to "practice self-restraint?" I have almost 300 pieces of chocolate and candy and have had exactly 1 trick-or-treater so far
/u/placentagumbo [5'8" | CW 135 | GW 115 | UGW ?? | 26F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 18:20:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a03dz/did_anyone_else_purposely_buy_their_favorite/

[Help] My therapist told me that she may have to force me to see a dietitian, can she do that?
Created: Tue Oct 31 18:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a01ob/my_therapist_told_me_that_she_may_have_to_force/
I'm 19 years old. I have been seeing her for a few months and have been working on my issues with trauma and to a lesser extent my eating disorder. I have been refusing to see a dietitian and right now I am still considered overweight. She told me today that if I keep losing weight at some point she may have to force me to see a dietitian. Can she actually do that? I know you can be forced into a hospital if you are really unstable, but can you be forced to see a dietitian?

Created: Tue Oct 31 18:09:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7a00nw/hi/

[Other] Maybe I'm seeing things
Created: Tue Oct 31 17:36:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ztqt/maybe_im_seeing_things/

[Other] Purposely bought all the candy and chocolate (except the banana laffy taffies because no, fuck that) I love to "practice self-restraint." why am I like this
Created: Tue Oct 31 17:35:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ztm4/purposely_bought_all_the_candy_and_chocolate/

[Other] "you sure got enough to drink there"
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" | cw 154 | gw 145 | ugw 100 | -16]
Created: Tue Oct 31 17:03:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79zmfd/you_sure_got_enough_to_drink_there/
So I use a grocery delivery service for a ton of different reasons. And it's awesome. My most recent order I guess was finally enough for this guy to say something. I got a bunch of coke zero, monster zero, distilled water, some flavored water, a bunch of broth, coconut water, 2 things of cashew milk, a gallon of apple cider (for my bf). I also got 6 pints of halo top (they are the only place I've found pumpkin pie flavor so I mainly made this order to buy 5 pints of that). I smoked weed right before he got here too so I was really stoned, and the minute he left I just started laughing about how ridiculous this grocery order was. Also featured: progresso light soups, laughing cow wedges, and pomegranates

[Rant/Rave] Messed up... Fast time.
Created: Tue Oct 31 16:17:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79zc5s/messed_up_fast_time/
Went out tonight to avoid sitting at home alone getting bingey,
There was cake and sandwiches and sweets... No calorie counts and too hard to estimate.
I'm sure I should still be at a net negative for the day but the lack of control/certainty is making me itchy.

I can probably get away with fasting for ~46 hours if I try hard, to balance it out.

[Tip] Purging tips/precautions?
Created: Tue Oct 31 16:10:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79zani/purging_tipsprecautions/

[Rant/Rave] hey so im screwed up: im afraid of fat people
Created: Tue Oct 31 15:48:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79z5cx/hey_so_im_screwed_up_im_afraid_of_fat_people/
ive had an ed for 7 years now (anorexia b/p)
im afraid of fat people. im almost afraid that fat is contagious. the idea of excess body fat honestly disgusts me.
i think i dont have overweight friends because of this??

not to mention fat people are usually the first to accuse a skinny girl of having an ed hah. in high school one girl constantly harassed me about being underweight calling it disgusting and saying that at least she had a normal bmi and was healthy. (Probably verging on overweight tbh) another girl made up a rumor that my friend and i had made an anorexia pact to lose weight (wtfff!!!)

wondering if anyone can relate

EDIT: i understand that its completely ridiculous to think being around fat people will make me fat, but i think im afraid of accepting or normalizing fat in my brain, or picking up binging habits

[Other] i’m coming home for the weekend thursday and my mom sent me this. OH SHIT please be gone by the time i get home...
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 123 | HW: 140 | LW: 90 | F/18]
Created: Tue Oct 31 15:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79z13w/im_coming_home_for_the_weekend_thursday_and_my/

[Rant/Rave] Binge day...but who cares?
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63 kg | BMI: 23.4 | -20.5 kg | 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 14:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79yt8t/binge_daybut_who_cares/
Today I ate "normal" aka too much. I didn't even count the calories but I know it's above my TDEE. I mean...chocolate milk in the morning, eggs with ham for lunch, 1 mars stick, 1 granola bar, small steak with baked potatoe for dinner...but I don't even care? I mean..I've been stuck on 63kg since the beginning if october, and hurt all over from my gallstones so....fuck it? I either gain a pound or just triggered a swoosh...or worst case: I'll just stay where I am. I mean, my scale today said 63.9kg but that's just water (on saturday I was still 63.0kg and didn't eat until today). I'm really tired of this shit and just want to be my GW already! Anyway, I'll just start restricting again tomorrow. Hope your october was more fun than mine.

Update: I'm up to 64.7kg now wtf? Id that actual weight? I don't know if I find that devastationg or hilarious.

[Other] Successfully bought something gross enough for my trick-or-treaters that there's no way I can binge on it :')
Created: Tue Oct 31 14:47:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79yqj9/successfully_bought_something_gross_enough_for_my/

[Other] Happy Halloween everyone!!
/u/letmebelittle [5'7" | CW: 122.8 lbs | BMI: 19.2 | WL: 87 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 31 14:38:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79yobs/happy_halloween_everyone/
Just posting to wish everyone a happy and safe Halloween! I hope everyone has a good day and a terrifying night! Good luck ♡♡♡

[Rant/Rave] A Halloween miracle
Created: Tue Oct 31 14:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79yn06/a_halloween_miracle/
Guys I feel sick after eating sweets that I bought for trick or treaters (bound to happen). Just looked at the calorie content and the mini bags are actually super low calorie rowntree randoms bag are only 50 calories mini bag of chocolate m&ms only 60 what the hell how am I only discovering this . Any other surprisingly low calorie discoveries ?

Just purged...here we go again
Created: Tue Oct 31 13:54:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79yd2a/just_purgedhere_we_go_again/

[Rant/Rave] Drinking
/u/sugarfreeicetea [5'7?|-22?|18F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 13:36:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79y8li/drinking/
I was drinking last night and someone else bought the booze.
They didn't have the calories on the can so this morning I googled it and saw that the one can I drank was 600 calories.


[Discussion] On average, how much do you "gain" before your period?
Created: Tue Oct 31 13:36:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79y8ld/on_average_how_much_do_you_gain_before_your_period/
My period is due in a day or two.. last Friday I was 1.3 lbs away from my goal and I have literally ate almost nothing for days and now the scale is saying I'm OVER 5lbs more.

The last time I restricted this heavy, I was on birth control that kept me from having a period so this is kind of new for me. I'm just wondering if this is normal and how much everyone else "gains". Usually this would trigger a huge binge that'd last days. Trying hard not to be let it get to me.

[Discussion] DAE: Lose weight faster than expected?
Created: Tue Oct 31 13:29:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79y6qw/dae_lose_weight_faster_than_expected/

[Goal] Anyone done a juice cleanse before?
/u/decima205 [5'6" | SW: 150 | CW: 144 | GW: 130 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Oct 31 13:18:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79y43s/anyone_done_a_juice_cleanse_before/

[Discussion] does anyone else take purposefully unflattering pictures of themselves to trigger themselves into not eating?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Tue Oct 31 12:58:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xyq8/does_anyone_else_take_purposefully_unflattering/
i sometimes take pictures of my face at terrible angles (like from underneath, looking straight up) that make me look fat and ugly so that i can trigger myself into not eating. i just ate around 500 calories this morning because i'm disgusting, and immediately took really unflattering pictures of my face to prove to myself that i'm fat and don't deserve to eat. anytime i do, my face gets extremely bloated and gross. here's to fasting until tomorrow evening (or thursday afternoon, if i can).

[Help] How do you pass the days?
Created: Tue Oct 31 12:46:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xvme/how_do_you_pass_the_days/
I have such a long way to go which means so many days of little energy and feeling hungry constantly.

When i start restricting it’s usually easy to keep going, but knowing how far I have to go is still really daunting. I don’t have a lot on my plate right now which is actually a bad thing when I’m trying to restrict because I tend to eat a lot when I’m bored.

How Can I keep my eye on my goal while being so bored?

[Rant/Rave] lmao way to have self control
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Tue Oct 31 12:23:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xptm/lmao_way_to_have_self_control/
went to bed hungry last night, woke up and immediately ate probably 1/2 cup of granola and greek yogurt (guessing 200 or 300 calories) and felt like my stomach and thighs got visibly bigger and more disgusting from that alone (ty body dysmorphia wow). i missed my first class, and had planned to take a bus to campus at 12:05 to make it to my 1:00 class. and then i realized that my class—that i've been in for 2 months now—*ends* at one and starts at 11:30. and it's 11:21 now so i'm definitely going to miss it. i haven't missed one of these classes all semester. fuck. i'm such a failure and a fuckup. it's my seminar class of 15 people, too, so it'll be obvious that i'm not there. i emailed my professor but still. i don't deserve to eat lmao at least being a fucking academic failure is good for one thing!

[Discussion] Do you ever start binging and get pissed that you couldn't binge more?
Created: Tue Oct 31 12:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xnil/do_you_ever_start_binging_and_get_pissed_that_you/
It's like, if I'm binging, I wanna have all this food. I get so mad when I can't even finish half a quesadilla. I'm so annoyed actually.

[Help] Can someone talk some sense into me to not binge
Created: Tue Oct 31 12:10:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xmeb/can_someone_talk_some_sense_into_me_to_not_binge/

[Discussion] BMI
Created: Tue Oct 31 12:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xkom/bmi/

[Other] I have more than $300 worth of protein bars in my checkout :))))
/u/flightlesspotato [166cm | 20.3]
Created: Tue Oct 31 11:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xhx5/i_have_more_than_300_worth_of_protein_bars_in_my/
I'm the kind who gets obsessed over something easily, and like all of us here, I tend to go overboard when I'm doing something.

So recently, I decided to get back into restricting but I didn't want to repeat the mistake of losing a lot of hair due to a lack of protein and iron. Cue me scouring iherb for all the protein bars they sell and now I have $300+ worth of bars in my cart. There's no way I'm buying all of it of course, but once I had hit that number I went back to look at my cart I realised how ridiculous this whole situation is. Just something I wanted to share because I can't be the only one who does things like this right oh god

[Goal] BMI is finally below 20 again my dudes!
Created: Tue Oct 31 11:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xfhk/bmi_is_finally_below_20_again_my_dudes/
Was gonna binge tonight but that was the kick in the ass I needed to keep on restricting. Happy Halloween y'all!

[Help] Longest plat ever?
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 19bmi | -140 | 30F | AU]
Created: Tue Oct 31 11:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79xeu3/longest_plat_ever/
I’m so depressed over this. Up down a few, like 5 pounds for now 2 MONTHS. I’ve never had such an absurd plat. I’ve tried switching up what I eat, eating a bit more for a few days to boost my metabolism, exercising as much as I can (I have a severe back injury and my yoga mat is awful)

Anyway. 2 months? The fuck? I hit my LW, and haven’t seen it since because I’m going around 4-5 lbs. it’s so depressing. I just... can’t.. my husband won’t let me fast either when I used to every other week or so for 3 or more days.

It’s hard to even weigh myself even though it is such a ritualistic process because I’m just scared.

Nothing gives me as much joy as watching the number on that scale creep down. It makes it all worth it.
Created: Tue Oct 31 10:18:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79wtxb/nothing_gives_me_as_much_joy_as_watching_the/

[Other] Inspired by other posts, I made a fasting tracker to make it through Halloween
Created: Tue Oct 31 10:12:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79wsc9/inspired_by_other_posts_i_made_a_fasting_tracker/

[Help] How to schedule out fasting/restricting limits
Created: Tue Oct 31 10:02:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79wpuf/how_to_schedule_out_fastingrestricting_limits/

[Help] Carbs?? I don't understand¿?
/u/napalmlife_ [5'6" | 104 | 16.78 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 10:02:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79wpp3/carbs_i_dont_understand/
Ok this is a totally dumb question but why do people hate carbs so much? Is it bc they are generally high in calories? Do they turn into fat regardless of CICO? I need to know.....

[Discussion] DAE schedule a "binge" day?
/u/ThisIsGumpy [Height 5'1| CW 112| GW 100]
Created: Tue Oct 31 09:29:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79whrr/dae_schedule_a_binge_day/
Every weekend I have to go home from campus to work my weekend job. I have to eat at least 2 meals a day and a snack so my family doesn't worry. Friday I eat only dinner and stay on target and Sunday I can just go back to campus after work and stay on target, but Saturday I have to stay at home.
However, Saturday I am at home for two meals so I just schedule it as a "binge" day.
As long as its at or ONLY 200 above maintenance I allow myself to have all of the foods I have been craving all week.
It has actually helped me stay on target longer because I can just tell myself "You'll get it Saturday."
Plus, I love making lists of crave foods.
Anyone else??

[Help] Serious Health Question
/u/kvikerdragen [5'6.5" | 21F | CW 117.0 | GW 111 | HW 182]
Created: Tue Oct 31 09:10:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79wd4v/serious_health_question/

[Rant/Rave] Wish me luck for a birthday party...
/u/carlems [5'2| CW: 101,8 | GW: 97 | -19]
Created: Tue Oct 31 08:00:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vwn9/wish_me_luck_for_a_birthday_party/
So. I ended my fast today at lunch because I felt really nauseous, but eating for the first time after 40-ish hours made me crave food more than ever. I've managed not to binge for now, but in a couple of hours will begin my little sister's birthday party and there's going to be lots. of. trigger food. For example, my mom sent a picture yesterday of her baking a mud cake, my ultimate favourite type of cake!!

Anyway, I had planned to fast today so I would have motivation to convince myself not to eat any stuff during the party (bc that would just end up with me binging, yay). Now, however, as I broke the fast and still feel like I want to eat EVERYTHING, it's going to take looots of strength to get through this day with no binging... so wish me luck, gonna need it today. (And sorry for the quite meaningless rant, hopefully you all are having a good day✨)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN proED! I'm high as a kite at work and binging like there's no tomorrow. How's your Halloween going?
/u/yesyeshihello [157cm | CW: 42.4kg | BMI: 17.2 | 27F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 07:29:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vq5w/happy_halloween_proed_im_high_as_a_kite_at_work/

[Goal] It's almost November
/u/hypotheticalfox [5'7"🔹CW:140lb🔹GW:123lb🔹UGW:118lb🔹BMI:20.29🔹F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 07:27:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vpjv/its_almost_november/
I'm going for a no-binge November. Anyone else want to join?

Currently I keep messing up my progress with weekly binges. Last night it was really bad. I ate like 5000 calories yesterday and I feel fcking sick.

I might overeat a little (especially if Thanksgiving turns out to be a struggle we'll see) but for November I'm swearing off junk food and shamefully going to the store at night to binge on junk food. I keep doing so well and getting rid of the first ten pounds (which usually include a lot of bloat too) then messing it all up. I'm no closer to my end of the year GW than I was at the beginning of this month because of all the cycling and I am LOSING MY MIND. I just want to tear my body off like an uncomfortable piece of clothing.

[Goal] Today is a restrict/fast day for me.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 06:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vhuf/today_is_a_restrictfast_day_for_me/

[Discussion] Meditation retreats
/u/dotprinceton [5'3" | CW 102.6lb | BMI 18.68 | GW 92lb | 36F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 06:34:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vf75/meditation_retreats/

[Help] Does anyone take lorazepam + ephedrine?
Created: Tue Oct 31 06:25:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vdf0/does_anyone_take_lorazepam_ephedrine/

How to get back in the mindset?
/u/dotprinceton [5'3" | CW 102.6lb | BMI 18.68 | GW 92lb | 36F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 06:20:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vcgl/how_to_get_back_in_the_mindset/

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday October 31, 2017
Created: Tue Oct 31 06:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79var9/thinspo_tuesday_october_31_2017/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 31, 2017
Created: Tue Oct 31 06:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79vaqb/daily_food_diary_october_31_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 31, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] How to stop a loud stomach!?
Created: Tue Oct 31 05:08:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79v0eq/how_to_stop_a_loud_stomach/
How do you keep your stomach from rumbling? Its soooo loud in class, I die every time! Any tips is appreciated

[Rant/Rave] Set off by a door frame... Feeling ridiculous
Created: Tue Oct 31 05:02:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79uzcn/set_off_by_a_door_frame_feeling_ridiculous/
I tried to squeeze by someone at work and hit my shoulder/side against the door frame even though the gap looked big enough so now I'm thinking wtf, I must be actually *bigger* than I already feel/look to myself.

Like, realistically I know that my spacial awareness isn't great because I'm a bit light headed but *what if though*.

[Other] R/ProED Discord server (group chat)
/u/fuckthislol [173cm|gaining|recovery]
Created: Tue Oct 31 04:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79uw6j/rproed_discord_server_group_chat/
Hey guys, just throwing out a quick reminder/promo post that our sub has it's own discord server! There's a link in the side bar, but I know not everyone on mobile can always view it easily!

Come join us for support, rants, or even just to chat shit about pretty much anything and everything. We have people from time zones all over the world, and we're all a super friendly bunch :)
If you're on mobile you might have to download the app, but it's pretty small, and super easy to use!

The only requirement is you have to be a (ish) active user of the sub to join.
I hope to see a bunch more of you lovely people there soon! 😘😘😁


[Rant/Rave] Flabby stomach
Created: Tue Oct 31 03:59:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79uq5u/flabby_stomach/
I hate my stomach. It's a huge insecurity of mine and it's been shrinking ever since I've been losing weight by binging and restricting below 500 kcal. I'm now at such a low BMI that you'd think it would look good and it just doesn't. So fucking frustrating. It's still flabby and unattractive. It grosses me out how fucking ugly it looks.

[Tip] My post first week review of the FODMAP diet!
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 03:29:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79umfb/my_post_first_week_review_of_the_fodmap_diet/
Jesus christ guys. I feel amazing. If any of you are experiencing stomach upset, seriously, try it out. Within 12 hours I went from writhing in constant pain to feeling 80% better. 24 hours out, I was 100% better. Its also made it so much easier to restrict. Bread slices are tiny, all I can eat are fruits and vegetables, I can only have one banana a day so I won't be tempted to have more in the afternoon. My cal intake is so limited just by the rules of the diet, and I'm not even tempted to go back because I don't want to the pain to start again. I highly recommend it to everyone!!!

[Rant/Rave] If you have super rapid weight gain, please get checked out!
/u/floweredfox [5'1" | 2fat | F]
Created: Tue Oct 31 02:09:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ucpn/if_you_have_super_rapid_weight_gain_please_get/
So I went from super restrictive to semi-bingey diet in around july. I then managed to gain 20lbs in 3 months where my binges were maybe 2 or 3x a week and prob no more than 1500cals each. Even as I started to restrict again I could eat ~800cals a day and not. lose. an. ounce. About a month ago I started to get kinda tired all the time, so I got my ass to the doctor.

guess what! it looks like I have fucking hypothyroid! my body is literally conspiring against me to gain weight. well hopefully now I can get it under control and shed all of that shit asap.

[Rant/Rave] Nonstop worshipping of the porcelain god
/u/grave_stoned [6'1" / F / CW: 161 / GW: 140 / -86]
Created: Tue Oct 31 01:36:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79u8ne/nonstop_worshipping_of_the_porcelain_god/
I guess this is just a rant.

Most of my days have been going well, restricting has been pretty alright for the past few weeks, but every once in a while I'll have a day where no matter what I do, I can't keep myself from purging everything I eat. Not even really a binge/purge. Just purge. Plate of veggies? Toilet. Soup broth? Toilet. 0cal flavored water? Toilet. Just over and over again, all because my roommates are out of the house and I can. I can't even keep my vitamins down.
The thing is, I know I wouldn't keep doing it if I just let some of the food stay in me, but I can't stop. I'm weak and shaky, but for some reason, purging feels like a "fuck you" to my body and a "fuck you" to food, and it feels so, so good. I'm not even big on purging really, I restrict most of the time. Just one of those days where it just feels really *nice*. EDs are fucked up lmao.

[Other] The time my fat ass caused me to lose my friends.
/u/lovelyannie [5’2” | 167 | 30.6 | -20lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 31 00:52:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79u32m/the_time_my_fat_ass_caused_me_to_lose_my_friends/
Flagged as other because idk what this is. Story time I guess?

How many of y’all remember when Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was popular? For those of you who don’t know, the book is a revolving POV. The main characters are Tibby (the average one), Lena (the skinny one), Bridget (the athletic one), and Carmen (the voluptuous one). They find this pair of pants in a thrift store or something, and it somehow manages to fit all of them. They then spend the summer mailing the pants around the world to each other on their respective vacations.

I was in grade 6 (2006) when this series reached its peak in popularity. One day, my friend was on one of those ride-on kid things on the big springs in the park at school, and her pants ripped. Not the butt, but the leg, around the knee. For some reason everyone (all 5 of us) thought it would be a great idea to pile into the handicapped stall and see if the pants fit everyone.

They fit everyone...except me. I couldn’t get them over my thighs. I wasn’t even that big! Maybe 113lbs at 5’2, since I did 4 hours of dance and 2-10 hours of softball every week (depended on the time of year - winter clinics or regular games/practices) plus gym class every day? But I’d never felt so fat and ugly.

From that day on, everyone slowly pushed me out of the group. They found any reason they could to not invite me to the mall, or to someone’s house for lunch, and even quickly forming groups for projects before I could get there.

And that’s the story of how my fat ass was literally the reason why I lost all of my friends.

[Rant/Rave] complaining
Created: Tue Oct 31 00:42:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79u1n6/complaining/

[Discussion] Does anyone use their crushes as a motivation to restrict?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 141 | GW: 111 | -23 lbs]
Created: Tue Oct 31 00:03:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79twi1/does_anyone_use_their_crushes_as_a_motivation_to/
I hate this, it's like I'm wanting for a mix of validation and just his attention. I want to lose fast enough that he'll get worried but also think of me more. I'm not even sure if he thinks I'm good looking now, every time we catch eyes, there's a small voice in the back of my head being telling me he thinks I'm the most annoying damn thing to ever exist and that I'm a horrible whale. I hate this so much. But then I keep not restricting enough, I'll eat up to 1000 calories or near it and I just wonder why I am the way I am. Maybe he'd be more eager to talk to me if I was thinner and thus looked better.

But then I get logical and realize he's 23 and I'm 19, i only see him three to four days a week max. For the past three weeks that is. Hell, he probably doesn't know my name because I haven't introduced myself. And then the self-hatred piles on stronger. I'm probably too loud, too weird, too young. He might be dating someone, who knows. I just need to restrict more is all.

[Help] quitting caffeine...halp
Created: Mon Oct 30 23:49:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tue0/quitting_caffeinehalp/
I'm at a bit over a week no caffeine and man am I eating a ton. I'm really worried that all the progress I made will be for nothing as I eat my way back to flub. Does anyone fast/restrict without the help of caffeine? Do you have any pointers/alternatives?

[Discussion] Are there any subs where we can post photos of ourselves/progress as thinspo?
/u/HoneyMia [5'7" F | CW 128 | GW 115 | 55 lbs lost]
Created: Mon Oct 30 23:46:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ttyc/are_there_any_subs_where_we_can_post_photos_of/
Or would anyone be interested in it? It would be different from “progresspics” since we’re all going through similar things.

[Discussion] Does anyone know how websites get celebrity measurements?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: who knows? | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 23:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tqei/does_anyone_know_how_websites_get_celebrity/
Like, the websites that come up when you google "[insert celebrity name here] measurements"? I'm trying to get a sense of how accurate they are since I compare against them a lot to try and get a sense of how I look to other people. I'm also curious because sometimes they seem plausible and other times it seems like there's no way it's right, but it's on all the websites.

[Intro] New Here
/u/ThinningEllie [5'4 | 200 | 34.3 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 30 23:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tnuq/new_here/
I'm new to the subreddit. Been struggling lately friends don't know I'm restricting again. I gained a lot from a medication I was on.

[Thinspo] stunning
Created: Mon Oct 30 22:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tk1h/stunning/

Created: Mon Oct 30 22:40:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tjbt/im_going_insane/
Just need to vent. I've been doing so well. Counting my calories, keeping a great deficit.
Today it all fell apart. I ate an entire box of dumplings and a whole HUGE bag of chips.

I fucking hate that I can't just eat like a normal person. I can't just have a few chips I have to eat the whole god damn bag.

I've been on and off the scale all day. It hasn't changed, but I'm just expecting it to shoot back up to where it was before I start losing. Of course that's impossible, but my mind just won't stop.

I'm eating lollipops to try and stop myself from eating anything more dangerous.

I just had to get that off my chest. Feels a little better already.

[Rant/Rave] ‘Bulimic potion’
Created: Mon Oct 30 22:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tixo/bulimic_potion/
This weekend I went camping and a friend who had surgery in his esophagus got a piece of steak stuck in his throat and was struggling to vomit it up. He said this happens a lot and he gets really sick and can’t eat from it.

So I told him oil of oregano, an essential oil, that is dubbed natures natural antibiotic, was really strong. I told him I took it when I had sore throats but it always made me heave and vomit.

I gave him some because I had it in my purse and he hurled. He told me that this was my magic bulimic potion and it was how I stayed so ‘thin’, whatever that means.

Ahhh it made me so weird cause everyone was joking about bulimia and ED’s and I instantly felt alienated and out of place and everyone thought I was being weird. It makes me sad. Especially since they joke about something so personal to me. I tried to play it cool though. Anything similar to this happen to anyone else here?

[Discussion] hey everyone i'm so scared of halloween pls come bc scared with me :((((
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~128 gw~115]
Created: Mon Oct 30 21:55:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79tb4a/hey_everyone_im_so_scared_of_halloween_pls_come/
ugh. apparently my family is having a big party at our house tomorrow with all these neighborhood people, and there's gonna be pizza and a shit ton of candy and pastries and other desserts.

on the one hand i doubt anyone's gonna notice if i don't eat.

on the other hand it's gonna be fucking impossible to not eat and i just barely recovered from a binge ugh hopefully i can just eat normally and maybe call it maintenanceeeeee

tell me all your halloween plans and strategies and any other thoughts! you all are amazing, i figure i can't be the only one here freaking out about this :)

edit ~ should say 'be' in the title, rip

[Help] need proana support
Created: Mon Oct 30 21:14:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79t2sq/need_proana_support/

[Rant/Rave] Doing a Barista course for the coffee
Created: Mon Oct 30 21:14:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79t2n2/doing_a_barista_course_for_the_coffee/
I'm literally doing a 4 day Barista course just because my broke ass can't actually afford coffee and I feel like a fraud. I already know how to make every coffee but the course is completely subsidised for me so why the fuck not.

[Help] i need an ana buddy asap
Created: Mon Oct 30 21:03:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79t0cn/i_need_an_ana_buddy_asap/

[Rant/Rave] Just discovered I physically cannot eat ANYTHING
Created: Mon Oct 30 21:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79t022/just_discovered_i_physically_cannot_eat_anything/
I got lingual (behind teeth) braces applied yesterday. I was told I can only eat very soft food.

*However,* I just attempted that and realised my back teeth... Don't touch at all! I physically cannot chew!

So I get to have soup three times a day for the next year. It'll be *literally impossible* to hit maintenance calories without chugging oil.


Edit: It's totally normal, **these are not the same as normal braces dudes.** These braces fuck your whole existence for a while and it's expected.

[Rant/Rave] Feelz bad guys
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 151.5 | GW: 118 | -15.3 | F24]
Created: Mon Oct 30 20:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79sohl/feelz_bad_guys/
I met one of my bfs friends who's been having trouble dating and mentioned maybe I could set him up with my sister before actually checking to see if she was single (shes not). Now that I've gotten to know him better, he's not the kind of guy I really *want* to set my sister up with (he's pretty sexist although he's not a bad person in general).

Okay where weight comes in. He knows what she looks like and thinks she's really attractive. That's fine, she is. He also shows me all these photos of the girls he thinks are attractive on tinder. You know what's stupid?!?!? I have an amazing boyfriend who is actively discouraging me from losing weight because he loves me as I am, and I'm not attracted to this dude in any way. But with each pic he sends me or describes a girl he likes....it feels almost like a personal insult on my looks? Even though it's not meant to be. I feel so disgusting and discouraged and ugh, even though I've lost 17 pounds in like 2.5 freaking months! And I've had plenty of dudes into me! I just....i don't know guys. Just feeling really gross and down right now so yeah. Random post is random

[Other] I’ve never felt so judged by snack food.
Created: Mon Oct 30 19:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79sjx9/ive_never_felt_so_judged_by_snack_food/

[Rant/Rave] TDEE Calculator Is Spot On
/u/Shh_its_not_me_yo [5'7 | CW: 126.6 | SW: 170 | GW: Less | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 19:49:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79sjtv/tdee_calculator_is_spot_on/
So, I have been very diligent in putting all calories in a spreadsheet, and also documenting my weight in skinnyr.com, so I can view the graphs and overall trends. I also document my workouts/ miles run.

For the past three months, I have basically plateaued. I've also had more binge days, which really adds up, because I high restrict to begin with. Ugh.

But I crunched all the numbers and found that my TDEE, with my workouts is right at 1865 calories a day (sedentary job, and laziness outside of working out). I'm actually really excited about this, because I now have something substantial and hopefully it will connect with my brain exactly the deficit I need to be!

And for what it is worth, the TDEE that my calculations showed is the EXACT same as the Harris-Benedict on Sailrabbit.com.

That is all. I just got super excited, and a little relieved, because it is now so obviously controllable!

[Rant/Rave] This size discrepancy. This mother. effing. size discrepancy.
Created: Mon Oct 30 19:20:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79sdc6/this_size_discrepancy_this_mother_effing_size/
[Photo.](https://imgur.com/a/NQvdf) (underroos)

What the fuck.

My boyfriend told me I need to stop buying size L bottoms from VS. I don't like the band giving any semblance of a muffin top, so yes... I buy L specifically to avoid any chance of the band cutting into me. However, I bowed to his wishes... and I'm trying out some M's.



Ugh. End rant.

[Discussion] I told my parents about my eating disorder
/u/bigfaninasmallworld [5 feet 🍰 | CW: 88 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | UGW: 98 lbs | 20 F 🍒 |]
Created: Mon Oct 30 19:13:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79sbo2/i_told_my_parents_about_my_eating_disorder/
Im still living at home and I musterd uo the courage to tell them. They were actually kinda understanding at first, but they kept asking if I've eaten. I don't want to recover yet, and I normally just lie about it. But to make sure they stop, i started eating regularly, and felt absolutely miserable. They stopped asking me since they saw me eat,they've stopped bringing it up and I think they think everything's back to normal. So I've started starving again. Why am I the way that I am?

So anyone who know others that know about their ED how do you go about it with minimal worry?

[Rant/Rave] Fasting is the easy part.
Created: Mon Oct 30 19:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79sa9p/fasting_is_the_easy_part/

[Rant/Rave] We just discussed ED in my abnormal psych class. The professor even showed us pro-ana blogs...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW118ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Mon Oct 30 18:59:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79s8e6/we_just_discussed_ed_in_my_abnormal_psych_class/
It was so bad. I was so uncomfortable I thought I was going to throw up. I was blown away she showed us the pro-ana blogs and even went through one of those "how to give yourself anorexia" diets with us.

I felt like everyone was watching me the whole time, even though I know I'm just paranoid and they probably weren't and have no idea I have an ED. Three students had to go to the front of the room to present a case study on it and it felt like they were trying to make eye contact with me the entire time.

My self consciousness is through the roof right now. I haven't purged in years but I have a feeling I'm going to do a solid b/p session tonight when I get home...

[Rant/Rave] Holy shit my other room mates is a piece of shit too
/u/Anorexibulemanemia [Height 5'7"| CW: FAT-HUNDRED LBS | GW 100 | 20M]
Created: Mon Oct 30 18:52:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79s6zw/holy_shit_my_other_room_mates_is_a_piece_of_shit/
You may have read my post in the past about my room mate that tries to take the things that you like and make it the thing that he loves. I thought he was the biggest proponent of finding less enjoyment in my ED...but I was wrong. For you see, lovelies, I have a second room mate with whom I am much closer, usually. Just for context, she is tall, very thin, and has a perfectly symmetrical face. She complains about this every once in a while. I don't understand how someone can complain about effortlessly embodying the qualities that I see other women harm themselves to half embody. Anyways, she and I have been arguing a lot lately. She gets frustrated when our other room mate argues with her about stuff that he knows nothing about. I understand that all too well, especially as of recently. Lately, she's been talking about going to the gym again. She used to in high school, but super infrequently. She opened a membership last month and sorta forgot about it till last week. Last week there were four different days that she mentioned that she wants to start going to the gym again, mind you, these four instances were in perfect windows of time for her to actually go, which I encouraged her to do, but she kept making excuses not to. Whatever, it's her life. She works long hours the majority of the week at her job, so it's understandable that she doesn't have a ton of time on her hands. Last week she went for the first time and I was supportive and congratulating. The next day she was pestering me and intentionally irritating me and her reason was that she has an excess of energy and she doesn't know what to do with it. I told her she should go to the gym (between depression and restricting, I would kill for that energy) and she said she didn't want to "overtrain" and hurt herself. I told her that going two days in a row (and exercising very lightly for very little time, as is her style) is not overtraining. She knew me before my dramatic weight loss and exercise initiative and she knows that I did a great deal of research on the matter of nutrition and fitness. So its safe to say that I know what the fuck I'm talking about. She said I was wrong, knowing full well that she doesn't know dick about exercise, and that I was acting like a "gym rat". 90% of my gym time is cardio, so I don't really embody that meat head image. I told her that she could burn her extra energy by doing some cardio. She got super self-superior and told me that I don't know what I'm talking about and that she took a chemistry class (wow guess what asshole I'm taking nutrition and fitness based biology and you fucking know it). That interaction happened twice over two days and I've just been avoiding her lately. Today, though, she really pissed me off. She was in the kitchen and I brought up that I've had back to back shit to do today and I was really tired. Apropos of nothing, she said "well I can't gain weight". Okay first of all fuck you. Second of all I know this is a mind game to get me riled up and frustrated. It's true though. Allegedly. I asked her what she eats and how much and she was somewhat dodgy when it came to stuff I would know was a lie, but she has always been razor thin and eaten everything she wants without stressing at all. She can eat a chili dog faster than a starving wolf. I've seen it. I think she is lying about trying to gain weight, but still, she just can't gain weight. Whatever good for her, but here's the close of this psycho, long-winded, conspiratorial rant about my room mates (I'm really sorry about all this I just need to let it out so I don't explode). When I finally got abs, I posted a silly photo on Instagram revealing to all of the world that I wasn't a fat kid anymore and she told me that it made her physically ill and that I should take it down because it's gross. She loves to accuse me of fat shaming people with zero evidence (I talk about hating my family but it's never BECAUSE they are fat). She has accused me of having anorexia before just randomly out of the blue. This pattern of behavior is what makes me think she's playing mind games. She knew that it would upset me, I've seen how she thinks and acts and she gets off on making people hate themselves by pointing out her own qualities that you can't achieve. It's gotten me really down about being unable to scrape myself out of bed and work out and stop binging every night. But I will not be out-psychologically-manipulated in my own home! So to her, I say bring it on you buckets of sacks of shit. You wanna dance with the devil? Because if there's one thing I hate more than myself, it's people that actively seek trouble with me. I haven't decided how I'm gonna get back yet, but I've been seeking motivation to burn off all of this binge fat and I think I can use this seething hate to restrict so much that I weigh less than her. She's about 115lbs and I'm 120 (haven't weighed since binge cycle so probably about 1000 more but I'll get that figured out). I'm gonna take away her "I don't weigh enough and I can't gain weight boo hoo" power by raising her a "well I weigh less than you and I'm mostly muscle mass which weighs more so get fucked, you wretched harpy".
I'm really sorry to explode and waste your brain cells but I needed to think this problem out so I don't die of gritting my teeth to death. I hope you all have a wonderful week and a safe Halloween tomorrow 👻

[Rant/Rave] I don’t have enough self control.
Created: Mon Oct 30 18:35:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79s31u/i_dont_have_enough_self_control/
I’ve been fasting and ended up getting the flu, and my mom brought me chicken noodle soup and medicine. But she also brought Oreos for “when I’m feeling better” because I used to love them. My roommates are home so I can’t throw them out, plus I feel bad because it was sweet that she brought them, but they have consumed my thoughts since she brought them 12 hours ago. I can’t help thinking about how good just one would taste, but I know for a fact I won’t stop at one. I’d eat the entire pack; I haven’t had them in so long and I was on my third day of my fast when I got sick so I’m extremely hungry.

[Rant/Rave] What the fuck why did I eat that
Created: Mon Oct 30 18:33:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79s2gn/what_the_fuck_why_did_i_eat_that/
I have lost 7 lbs in the past half a week and today I didn't eat at all and found a way to excuse not eating dinner. Then my dumbass decided to go to fucking chick-fil-a and get a spicy sandwich and a medium fry. It was 850 fucking calories and logically I know I'm not going to gain weight but fuck it feels like it.

[Help] How big are your calves?
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 110| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 18:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rwpk/how_big_are_your_calves/
And whats your height/weight?

Im 5’9 and mine are 14 inches at the widest! They look so muscular and soooo disproportionate to the rest of my body. I hate them and they’re the reason I’m here in the first place.

Im wondering if other girls share the same problem. I’ve lost about 8 pounds in a month and yet my calf measurements have not budged a tiny bit, meanwhile my thighs are getting smaller.

When did you guys start seeing calf loss? I’m really sad.

[Rant/Rave] I'm getting back on track tomorrow
/u/aziz18023 [5'7| CW: 111 | GW: 105 | M/15]
Created: Mon Oct 30 18:01:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rv8y/im_getting_back_on_track_tomorrow/
I've been binging for like 2 weeks straight now, I'm getting back on track starting tomorrow no matter what, I don't care what I have to do but I'm eating less than 1000 calories tomorrow, this shit has gone on for too long

[Help] How do I avoid eating at work?
Created: Mon Oct 30 17:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rtir/how_do_i_avoid_eating_at_work/

[Discussion] So that's how normies see food ?
/u/Arkhamgel [5'8| | 143 | 15 lbs | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 30 17:49:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rsli/so_thats_how_normies_see_food/
I had a friend over yesterday, and by the end of the meal, there was like 1/3 left on her plate. She told me "tell your mom it was delicious, I was just not very hungry anymore after those cookies we ate"

What ???? People can stop eating like that ???? What is this sorcery

[Help] Give me all of your recovery advice
Created: Mon Oct 30 17:25:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rmzf/give_me_all_of_your_recovery_advice/
I'm done. I don't want to be disordered. I don't want to binge, restrict, obsessively count calories, or anything anymore. I don't even want to lose weight anymore. I want to be free. Why is that so hard? I'm too terrified to actually ask for help/get treatment, but other than that I'm willing to do basically anything to recover. Please give me any advice. I'm desperate.

[Discussion] who here uses drugs as a way of appetite suppression/weight loss?
Created: Mon Oct 30 16:41:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rct7/who_here_uses_drugs_as_a_way_of_appetite/

[Help] How Long is Too Long of a Fast?
/u/bunntendo [Height | CW128 | BMI20 | WeightLost32 | GenderNB]
Created: Mon Oct 30 16:36:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79rbsw/how_long_is_too_long_of_a_fast/
I ate way too much this weekend, I'm gaining weight back probably from that and being bloated, and I hate myself so much for it. I want to fast but I don't know how long is too long of a fast that it becomes a true problem?
I've personally never gone over 26 hours just because my boyfriend generally makes me eat after a while and I give in, but I'm so upset I just want to never eat again. I saw someone else share their vora history and they were at 96 hours at one point. Is that too much? I don't want to make myself suffer too much, but I also have to stop eating for at least a 40 hours to let my body get the calories out of my system.
Do I sound stupid?

[Discussion] Would you ever date a skinny guy?
Created: Mon Oct 30 16:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79r8es/would_you_ever_date_a_skinny_guy/
I could never bring myself to date someone skinny because I can’t stand the thought of being the fat one in a relationship. Every guy I’ve ever dated was at least a little chubby but not super fat ( not the best description, I know). I don’t even go for buff “gym bro” body types because they look too good. I don’t want to look fat next to my S/O.

[Help] Stuck at the same weight for a while now, how do i get lower?
/u/skyofAuroras [5'10" | CW: 125lbs | GW: 115lbs |19F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 16:14:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79r6p7/stuck_at_the_same_weight_for_a_while_now_how_do_i/

[Discussion] I torture myself
Created: Mon Oct 30 16:11:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79r60h/i_torture_myself/
DAE purposely watch other people eat? I straight up stare intensely like some kind of animal and I hate myself for it. I watch until all of the food is gone and then feel really good that I didn't ask for any or take any offered to me.

[Rant/Rave] I'm going on vacation in a week and I haven't made any progress
Created: Mon Oct 30 15:58:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79r2ui/im_going_on_vacation_in_a_week_and_i_havent_made/

Created: Mon Oct 30 15:46:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qzxc/sorry/
I took some mc donalds takeaway with me, now i’m in my bed and its either
binge and purge or throw away

I’m somewhat drunk, im sorry this doesn’t belong here or i’m breaking a rule (although i checked and i hope this is not a low effort post because it’s all i can do right now and i feel like shit)

>wat do

[Intro] Hi, I'm a phony!
Created: Mon Oct 30 15:39:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qybv/hi_im_a_phony/
I feel like a fraud because I'm at a much higher weight than most here.

I've recently lost 35lbs through fasting, and have gotten really positive feedback about the loss, but when I look in the mirror I feel like I look the exact same.

I'm not seeing any change at all. So I'm cycling between feeling like everything is pointless so I might as well binge, and then feeling super motivated and I should just restrict as tightly as possible.

Not counting calories?
Created: Mon Oct 30 15:39:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qy9u/not_counting_calories/

[Other] B/p and relapse are a part of my life
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'3"|110| 25F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 15:23:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qur2/bp_and_relapse_are_a_part_of_my_life/
There’s such dichotomy and hypocrisy in what I do to myself and what I do in my professional life.

But recently I’ve been struggling at work and even on days that are good I splurge or treat myself (or punish myself on bad days) with a binge and purge

And I thought I was in control

But I’m struggling and for some reason this behavior is what calms me down and what makes me fearless about my own future.

I have much love to give to others but I can’t find it for myself

I’m in a bad place I think I may need to call my psych soon.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a fake
Created: Mon Oct 30 15:23:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79quou/i_feel_like_a_fake/
My calorie deficit used to be 500 calories a day and now it's 1000. My family keeps saying how proud they are I'm eating more and how good it is. But I feel so disgusting everyday that I go over 500 and I can't stop crying. I just can't do this and I hate people saying I'm doing better because it makes me feel like I look fatter or that all of my feelings and issues with myself are fake. I'm just sad.

(I can't flair on mobile so put as rant please)

[Other] Let's pool our money and buy an ED island.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 141.4 | UGW 105 | 24/F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:57:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qoib/lets_pool_our_money_and_buy_an_ed_island/
Sometimes I feel I just need some isolation from the outside world. Maybe I just wanted to b/p for a week in peace. Or be somewhere where I can't access food. Or a place with a personal nutritionist and trainer for me.

Right now, I want a place to reset. A place where there isn't food to think about or be tempted by. A place with no outside stress. A place where I ca just read all day and take a long beach walk later. Hell, I just want a place where I don't have to find a hiding place for all my laxatives and pills and all that junk. I'd like to just leave it in a drawer rather than hidden every day in a suitcase in the back of my closet.

[Rant/Rave] my life is in SHAMBLES
/u/magfrack [5'5" | 117 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:33:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qj02/my_life_is_in_shambles/
help me anorexia! help me bulimia! help me bulimarexia! let me throw up everything i eat until i die! let me eat nothing until i die!

i'm drunk and heartbroken and i hope i die as soon as possible, but i love you, denizens of proED

[Rant/Rave] One benefit of not eating
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:29:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qhwl/one_benefit_of_not_eating/

I’ve been eating a ton for days and I’m just a non-stop poop train, which is really shitty (lmao, literally, again, lol) in general, but super shitty now because I’m at work.

One of my favorite things (besides feeling super skinny) about fasting is not having to poop. I love it.

Be gone, poop! 💩💩💩

[Discussion] What was your victory today/recently?
/u/whatsupbuttercup5 [5'3" | CW 103.6 | GW 95 | HW 124 | LW 98 | 25F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:21:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qg29/what_was_your_victory_todayrecently/
Woke up this morning and weighed myself. And after DAYS of no movement on the scale despite eating <700 cals per day, I FINALLY hit underweight for my height today (< 104 pounds based on regular BMI scale). I'm so excited and no one else in my life will share my excitement.

What's going right for you guys right now?

[Rant/Rave] I was talking to a collage consoler today...
/u/sugarfreeicetea [5'7?|-22?|18F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:16:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qenx/i_was_talking_to_a_collage_consoler_today/
...And he told me that "it's better to graduate in five, six, or seven years and be healthy than graduate in four and be sick".

While he told me that I was staring at him wide eyed in disbelief because I don't agree with that at all. I know it's irrational but I want to stay on track and complete all my goals in the time frame that I give myself and then I stick to it. If I don't I’m only disappointed in myself and can't feel proud of anything, I’m such a perfectionist like that.

This logic applies to so many things in my life and it isn't good for my health but it's motivating and actually allows me to get shit done.

[Discussion] How much caffeine do you drink?
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:14:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qe6c/how_much_caffeine_do_you_drink/
I used to hate coffee, and I still somewhat dislike the taste, but I crave it and drink it a lot more now because I need the caffeine. I have at least 2 cups of coffee per day, which obviously isn't a lot but I used to drink none and I hate how I force myself to drink it but I'd literally be falling asleep in the middle of the day if I didn't. Does anyone else not love coffee but still drink it for the caffeine, and how much do you drink?

[Rant/Rave] People conflating what it's like to have an ED with what it's like to occasionally dislike your body
Created: Mon Oct 30 14:06:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79qcc5/people_conflating_what_its_like_to_have_an_ed/
I hate when I talk to a friend (who knows I have an ed) about how I wish I could lose weight, aka just trying to confide in them, and they respond by saying something like "same". It makes me want to slap them with a large bass fish or something; I'm sympathetic, but having an ed generally is very different. It's very ignorant and insensitive to make such comments. Anyone else have similar experiences?

(And obviously the same things happen with depression, anxiety, etc.)

[Discussion] Starbucks milk calories
Created: Mon Oct 30 13:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79q99z/starbucks_milk_calories/

[Rant/Rave] Waiting for the whoosh
Created: Mon Oct 30 13:52:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79q8p0/waiting_for_the_whoosh/
Scale hasn't moved in days, was up about 6 times last night peeing and was so excited to wake up and see my whoosh... Nothing :'(

Now I'm fighting myself over whether to have a "cheat" to kick my metabolism in the butt or whether to restrict more.
Sitting at 795 calories for the day and I KNOW it's less than half what I've burned but I feel like I've binged cause most of it was just on dinner and ughhhh I don't know how to just be normal.

[Discussion] How do you guys feel about vanity sizing?
Created: Mon Oct 30 13:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79q7qh/how_do_you_guys_feel_about_vanity_sizing/
Today I found an old pair of jeans from like middle school/early high school that actually fit again (low-key nsv), I was pretty surprised when I checked the tag and saw that they were a size 11!

The same sized pants are 5s now and that's crazy to me, idk.

How do you guys feel about vanity sizing?

[Tip] some tips!!
Created: Mon Oct 30 13:37:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79q4y5/some_tips/
i know getting out of a cycle of binging can be difficult and ive seen some posts requesting tips lately so i've written a list of the things i do:

make thinspiration boards/accounts. i use tumblr some, pinterest a lot, and i also make collages on adobe sketch on my ipad. the collages are the most helpful i find.

drink a lot of liquids. at first i wasnt paying much attention to the calories in the liquids i drank unless it was extremely high. it's an extremely easy diet to follow this way and since i wasn't eating anything most days, i still got smaller pretty fast. i was mostly drinking bottled coffee drinks but lately i've been feeling more motivated to lose weight so i've started making my coffee at home. i put 4 cups worth in a large cup and put one serving of flavored coffee creamer in it. 35 calories for 4 cups!!

take a drink and a cigarette outside and tell yourself that's a meal. if you don't want to smoke cigarettes or just want something to use inside, vapes are awesome. especially if you get a bigger one that produces a lot of smoke.

put effort into how you look in ways other than your weight; your makeup, hair, nails, clothing, etc. clean your room/home. pick up a hobby like painting or writing. focus on school/work. better yourself all around.

keep track of everything you eat. i go as long as i can without eating and then if i start feeling super sick, ill eat something small, so i use the calendar app in my phone bc it motivates me to put more distance between the days with marks. theres a lot of cool apps for counting calories and keeping track of measurements and stuff though. lifesum is the best i've come across, but it doesn't let you put your gw very low so it doesn't work for me and probably a lot of others on this sub. :/

burn incense/candles. smelling something strong and perfume-y always controls my appetite. i also wear a pretty strong perfume every day for this reason.

i smoke a lot of weed. i'm not 100% recommending this because munchies can be really hard to ignore, but it's not impossible with the right mindset. it helps me not want to eat just because it's something to do, similar to smoking a cigarette; i tell myself it's a meal. plus i usually don't want to eat when i'm high bc i want my high to be as intense and last as long as it can. it's also really inspiring so i'll end up spending hours making art or planning how i want my apartment to look eventually, without ever thinking about food. ill get super into my ED when i'm high too. putting together lists like this one, making thinspo collages, interacting on this sub. it can be really helpful if you use it right, but be careful. don't abuse it, and watch the munchies.

[Other] I haven’t weighed myself in three weeks
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW: Larvitar | GW: clamperl | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 13:07:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79pxjl/i_havent_weighed_myself_in_three_weeks/
And I feel meh? There’s no scale at the place I’m staying. On one hand I need to know how much I weigh, and on the other I’m kind of fine with it. There’s a full length mirror in my room and I can track my progress that way. Like when I put on a bra I can kind of see my chest bones, or when I turn my head I can see the muscles in my neck.

I’ still don’t like the sizes I wear though. I wear a size 12 in pants but a size 6 in shirts, like wtf?? Why can’t they be the same

[Intro] Hey guys, I'm a person in suspended frustration.
/u/UnskinnyVegan [171cm | Too high | Too high | Ick | ]
Created: Mon Oct 30 12:23:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79pmj9/hey_guys_im_a_person_in_suspended_frustration/
I'm 23, female, and 5'7'' with a history of mental illness and a knowledge of knowing how to hide it (or at least, I think I do).

I'm on the autistic spectrum and even my earliest memory is one where I felt like I was out of control and I hated it; I remember crying for hours and hours as a one year old and wanting to stop, but I couldn't. I liked controlling everything and the easiest thing (and sometimes, most difficult thing to control) is my food.

My life seems good on the outside but it's pathetic on the inside; I'm currently involved in a police case because my landlord assaulted me in the middle of the night, making me homeless within the span of 24 hours. During the period, I ate whatever I wanted, drank whatever I wanted, and did not do any exercise because I couldn't bear standing next to a human. Food became an odd sort of comfort and naturally, I gained weight.

The first time I saw myself in the mirror of my new place, I felt a deep sense of disgust. I closed the mirror and didn't stop eating. I'd eat all my favourite foods. I was worried about my weight piling up but then I thought, "I'm vegan, surely vegan food is good for you."


I got my shit together and tried to pull my life together but I feel like I lost something; I feel like I can't control anything anymore. Even if I did, someone could come over and mess everything up. I've had a month where I didn't leave my house.

The one last thing I can control is food. I can choose how much I want to eat, what I want to eat, when I want to eat, and manipulate the way it makes me feel. The numbers make me happy. I'm a mathematician in real life and knowing that there's some discrete and non-abstract way of controlling food makes me happy.

I can choose how small I want to be and at this point, I want to vanish into thin air. I don't want to be seen. I hate it when there's something of me to see. I hate it when I catch eyes with someone and see their eyes go up and down.

I've lurked in this subreddit and found that it's helped me a lot, on the inside. I'm tired of psychologists, psychiatrists, GPs, social workers, and friends being concerned of me. They don't know how I feel at all... because I genuinely don't know how I feel either.

I know I did the right thing by reporting and making sure the other girls in the house are safe by telling them but it didn't make me feel brave or strong. I don't feel scared of being hurt again. I feel weak and tired on the inside. I feel disgusting, pathetic, lazy, and sloppy. There're days when I feel like I'm sane and then I remember that I've never been sane... I've only been a person whom other people have viewed as functional/normal.

I just want to live in a world where everything is easy to control. I know that my ED is not a true-blue ED because it doesn't come from wanting to look a certain way but I can't help but feel like I can relate to what you're saying on here. The little celebrations, rants, raves, discussions... they all make some sort of sense to me. It's a little world of control and non-control; a language I can understand.

Sorry for the wall of text; Hello.

[Discussion] fasting tips
/u/lists_n_shits [5'4" | CW 113 | GW 105]
Created: Mon Oct 30 12:18:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79plfi/fasting_tips/
Soo I decided I need to reset myself after binging and having trouble restricting for a while.

What are your fasting tips? Do you sometimes eat certain foods when fasting just to get through? Something calorie negative like carrots or cucumber?

I'm trying to stick to just coffee, tea, coke zero, and bouillon broth. Sipping on broth right now and holy shit I forgot how satisfying it can be!

I really want to alternate fasting days (staying between 0-100 calories) and restriction days (below 1000) till I get back down to 110 lbs.

[Rant/Rave] ugh
Created: Mon Oct 30 12:10:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79pja4/ugh/
halloween has always been my fav holiday. i love dressing up slutty, parties, getting drunk with friends. but i've lost all my friends and now i have nothing to do this year. so little that i didn't bother even thinking about a costume. i'm just feeling so sad and lonely and like my life is over. i used to have everything and now i have nothing and no one. i just want friends. that's fucking it.

at least i've been able to focus on starving myself this past weekend/tomorrow lmao

[Discussion] What's more of a waste of food in your opinion?
Created: Mon Oct 30 11:22:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79p7lp/whats_more_of_a_waste_of_food_in_your_opinion/
Purging or throwing food away.

I always feel bad throwing away food that other people bought for me. It's different to throw away food that I bought, but I feel like it's wasting other people's money. Idk. So I usually justify purging this way. So I feel like purging is less wasteful? Yet I think if my friends who got me the food knew I would purge it, they'd rather I had thrown it away.

I decided I won't purge it. At worst, I retain water. At best, it triggers a whoosh since I have been restricting very well lately. If I purge, it might start a purge cycle.

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself. Reached 132 lbs. I was so close to breaking into the 120s zone. But my fat ass decided to have a good time and binge eat with the SO. Now I’ve ballooned up to 137 in just 2-3 weeks.
Created: Mon Oct 30 11:16:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79p5yg/i_hate_myself_reached_132_lbs_i_was_so_close_to/

[Discussion] WYR have your ideal body or an ideal face?
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 111| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 11:12:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79p50l/wyr_have_your_ideal_body_or_an_ideal_face/
I love “Would You Rathers” and I was thinking about this at the gym.

**Option A**: Ideal body, including your ideal body shape/weight/height/measurements. You get to keep this body at a maintenance level of 2500 cal per day and a sedentary lifestyle. But you keep your current face and facial structure adjusted for weight. Also you can’t get plastic surgery.

**Option B**: Ideal face, meaning you can look however you want. You can have the face of a supermodel if you’d like. Normal aging will occur, but you will always look 10-20 years you ger than your actual age. BUT your body would revert back to what it looked like at your highest weight and no matter what, you cannot change it. Meaning you can’t even tone it up. (Edit: would you choose this if it meant you were stuck at your current weight instead?)

I was leaning towards B, but then again the idea of having my old legs makes me shudder. So in the end I’d probably choose A. (Edit: on second thought I’d choose B, lol, I’ve always wanted to be beautiful).

Fucking up on day 4/5days fast by binging 2,000 kcal of pasta got me like-
Created: Mon Oct 30 11:11:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79p4q5/fucking_up_on_day_45days_fast_by_binging_2000/

[Rant/Rave] Period bloat is trash
/u/z0mbabe [5'7 |175lbs | F| 🍑z0mbabe]
Created: Mon Oct 30 10:38:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79owlq/period_bloat_is_trash/
Welcome to my pity party: I got to 161.3 this week, and just like that over the last 48 hours I’m back up to 164.6 bc if my period starting. Erasing any progress I made this week. I only ate he normal weekend days and I didn’t eat more than 700 calories tops each day so I know there’s no way this is real but it’s really fucking with me?

Like I don’t know what I actually weigh and it’s driving me crazy. I hate this.

Water retention sucks. I’m hoping by the end of this week when it’s over I’ll be down to 160 or something :/ this is just hella discouraging. It’s hard to stay motivated during a fast when you’ve gained.

[Tip] Life pro-ed tip
Created: Mon Oct 30 10:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79outc/life_proed_tip/
Don't eat all day before going out with your friends in the evening so you can get drunk in fewer drinks 👌👌

Be safe this Halloween though!!

[Help] Hiding not eating/avoiding binge at office function
/u/TacosGetMeThrough [5'4|28F|SW: 183|CW: 164|GW: 120]
Created: Mon Oct 30 09:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79oml2/hiding_not_eatingavoiding_binge_at_office_function/
Sorry I am new to trying to avoid binging/hiding not eating. Normally I just let myself binge but I have been slowly getting my self control back. Office is having a pizza party tomorrow. I was dreaming of this pizza party all week as I haven't had pizza in so long that my mouth was watering. I did something smart did a controlled binge yesterday when my family ordered my favorite pizza, so I feel like the urge to eat pizza will be wayyyyy less & the harm is done so I'm back to normal eating. But the office manager was calling me today saying they will order a special vegetarian/veggie pizza for me so I won't be left out.... so now I'm like oh ok.

We all will be eating in a conference room together, I was thinking of trying c/s but never did it. I don't know maybe I'm freaking out for nothing but I'm much more backed in a corner now that we're all going to sit down at this conference table to eat (about 10-15 people) and they specially ordered a pizza I can eat so I can't sit there with an empty plate.

[Discussion] DAE wonder if strangers observe your eating patterns?
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | SW: 130 | CW: ~125 | GW: small | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 09:43:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79oja0/dae_wonder_if_strangers_observe_your_eating/
If the workers in my school cafeteria watched me every day, they would definitely be entertained lol. Like, is she going to chug a weird coffee/hot cocoa mixture and water until she has no appetite? Is she going to eat the entire dessert table? Tune in to today's lunch episode to find out!

[Discussion] fucked it up
Created: Mon Oct 30 09:24:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79oesp/fucked_it_up/
So finally snapped at my boyfriend at getting concerned at my eating by saying I've been telling him I eat 800 a day and he thinks that's normal.

But then apparently now he's super concerned and told me if I got to 95 he would be so mad and worried. He also said he wasn't attracted to very skinny girls when I was looking at model pics on insta. But his family noticed I lost weight and was so positive so now I just have motivation to keep going!!

[Rant/Rave] Coworkers commenting on my food
Created: Mon Oct 30 09:13:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79oce6/coworkers_commenting_on_my_food/
I deal with binge eating so I try to eat a small meal for lunch and a little larger meal for dinner and I don't let myself eat outside those times. I think about food 24/7 and its a real battle but I've lost 6 lbs within the past 3 weeks. I'm trying to eat like a normal person instead of just shoveling food down my throat all day long.

11am rolls around today at work so I heat up my grilled chicken and some noodles and bring it back to my desk. I know it's a little early for lunch but I don't eat breakfast so by this time I'm starving.

I cannot stand when people comment on my food or my eating habits or any of that. It makes me incredibly self conscious and bad about myself, like I'm not allowed to eat once someone notices.

My coworker comes up to my desk as I'm taking a bite of chicken and says "Hungry eh? A little early for lunch, what have you got there?"

and now I just want to throw the whole thing away. ugh.

[Discussion] Do you guys feel like your ED caused other mental health issues, or that other mental health issues caused your ED?
Created: Mon Oct 30 08:51:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79o79v/do_you_guys_feel_like_your_ed_caused_other_mental/
I initially sought help for depression, but was later diagnosed with, and treated for, EDNOS too. While going through therapy, I was then diagnosed with BPD.

After my BPD diagnosis, I 100% came to believe that my ED was caused by classic BPD feelings of no self worth, black and white thinking (I either ate nothing or everything in sight), and I used to think that my mood changes were correlated with how I ate, but I now realise that it was mostly nonsensical BPD swings.

I also used to obsess with ED related things, like books and documentaries, but I think that was mainly because I have a very addictive personality. I was addicted to throwing up and losing weight. My current addiction of choice is alcohol lol.

Which do you think came first for you? The ED, or the other stuff?

[Goal] My goal is to always stay under 1000 calories.
Created: Mon Oct 30 08:50:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79o6zm/my_goal_is_to_always_stay_under_1000_calories/

[Rant/Rave] LW
/u/posyposer [5’4 | 21.5 | CW: 125 | GW: 115]
Created: Mon Oct 30 08:40:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79o4og/lw/
Today I weighed in at my LW again (123.2 lbs) after not stepping on the scale for five days, which was fueled by three exams (so I was either eating nothing or everything) and an attempt at self-love. I felt like I was eating so much!! I had lots of snacks, but I didn’t eat a lot of real meals, which is usually so dangerous for me unless I’ve pre-portioned everything or am counting calories, *which I didn’t even do!* I was so terrified I would gain that I let myself weigh in today, I decided it wasn’t worth the stress of not knowing (I was trying to go a whole week but whatever I still did pretty well 😅). Anyway, I can’t believe that I wasn’t crying after. You guys know how sometimes you look in the mirror and you look like a whale, then you see a number on the scale lower than you expected and suddenly you look acceptable? Lots of that this morning 😊

[Rant/Rave] The cold is fucking with my will power
/u/ElectricWerm [5'9 | 134lb | 115lb | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 08:16:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nz8y/the_cold_is_fucking_with_my_will_power/
Fuck fuck fuck. I hate Michigan, I hate being freezing.

I want to shovel chili, mac n cheese, all the warm ooey gooey food I can in my stupid face to make my stupid body less cold and miserable.

I want all the bullshit flavored holiday lattes. Just, constantly lol.

I can't go out for a run or ride my bike anymore, being outside for more than a walk to the car is a mission tbh.

It doesn't help I lost all my weight over the summer so now I'm smaller / even MORE cold.

Its gonna be a tough few months and I am not ready for it. I swear I've gained 10lbs in a WEEK.

What are some holiday comfort foods I can eat without wanting to kill myself? I refuse to stay in the 130s. Breaking into the 120s was my biggest achievement ever and I can't believe I fucked it up already.

[Discussion] DAE experience moments of clarity while stoned?
Created: Mon Oct 30 08:16:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nz6p/dae_experience_moments_of_clarity_while_stoned/
Sometimes when I smoke, I realize how little control I really have and how I wouldn't be able to stop if I tried. I realize how abnormal my behavior is and get hit with a wave of panic. I do the same thing with my self harm, I realize how much damage I have done to myself and how abnormal the way I think and the things I do are. I get scared but not enough to stop, just enough to feel like I'm in some one else's body, wondering how I let myself get this bad. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but it is quite strange.

[Rant/Rave] How do you feel when someone tells you to stop losing because you look weird?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'6 | CW: repulsive| 20ish ? | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 07:54:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nuiy/how_do_you_feel_when_someone_tells_you_to_stop/
My brother is bulking so we talk about health sometimes and today he asked me to stop losing weight because I'm starting to look 'weird'.

I've only lost about 17 lbs and still need to lose another 20 to hit my ugw so of course I almost scoffed and laughed but he says I'm looking really skinny and actually lifted me up by my elbows with little effort (a clean 2-3 feet off the ground).

Rationally, I know it's because he weighs an extra 30kg (68 lbs I think) and that's mostly muscle but half of my brain says 'stop! health!' and the other half says 'he lifts your highest weight as a warm up, keep losing'.

I completely forgot that my BMI is already pretty low by healthy person standards but I explained the BMI system and said I could still lose weight and be considered healthy. Obviously this is false, but I don't really know what to do. Health over mind? Mind over health?

[Help] Nauseous and Dizzy
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11| 105| 21.2 | 30 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 07:52:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ntzs/nauseous_and_dizzy/
I have been fasting for 127 hours and I'm sitting in the bathroom during class because I am so shaky and nauseous and my head is pounding, I know I need to eat but I am so nauseous that I don't feel like I even possibly could eat right now, and there is also nothing here to eat until break time which is always just a bunch of chips and brownies, which is NOT happening. What can I do for myself right now? I can't leave, so I really am stuck on what to do. This has happened before but I usually had fruit or something to help, now I just have to try to not pass out in front of my entire school and wait for lunch and hope they have cucumber slices that I can eat if I can't do anything else, but I'm hoping you guys have some tricks to help me before that.

[Rant/Rave] Not even mad anymore, just disappointed
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CAN MUSCLE REALLY WEIGH THAT MUCH MORE| F |]
Created: Mon Oct 30 07:36:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nqt7/not_even_mad_anymore_just_disappointed/
Remember as a kid when it was sooooo much worse if an adult you liked said they were disappointed instead of angry with you? Yeah, that'd be me right about now. I was 118. I was less than 10 lbs from goal. And I fucking *ruined* it. Ruined myself. Again. Can't fucking believe it. Feels like I'm never not starting over :'(

[Discussion] "Goal Weight" VS actual Goal Weight
/u/milkymeow [5'7" | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 07:30:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79npjc/goal_weight_vs_actual_goal_weight/
What do you tell people your goal weight is versus what your actual goal weight is. I'm 5'7 so I usually say my GW is around 140 but my actual goal weight is 114 or 110. If I told people that they usually freak out and say that's way to skinny.

[Help] Where can I watch new Louis Theroux episode?
/u/nervous_nandu [5'5" | CW 120.6 | LW/GW 98| 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 07:24:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nocm/where_can_i_watch_new_louis_theroux_episode/
I live outside of the UK so I can’t access it directly on the BBC website. Does anyone have a link to anywhere it is available?

[Rant/Rave] okay no more screwing up
/u/lists_n_shits [5'4" | CW 113 | GW 105]
Created: Mon Oct 30 07:05:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nkjc/okay_no_more_screwing_up/
I've been letting myself slip lately. The scale read 115 this morning and I' m really not surprised. I binged on chocolate peanut butter cookies (11 cookies @ 80 cal each) last night. F***! Threw the rest of the package (over half) right into the garbage.

It just makes me really angry at myself. Over the summer I was 107 and was so close to my goal. Then a bunch of shit happened, as it always does, and work got stressful and I started slipping. Part of me wants to blame other people cause I feel like it's their bad habits I took on. Friends and co-workers are always trying to give me food and go out to dinner and drinks and I just don't have control once I'm out.

But things are changing now. I'm making myself a priority again. I'm saving money by not going out to eat for a while, thats a good excuse. I mean, I really do need to save. And I'm going to fast 4 days a week and restrict the rest. I think once I get back around 110 lbs I'll feel more confident and be able to ride that momentum all the way to 105.

Trying to do just black coffee and cherry coke zero today, wish me luck. It's been awhile since I fasted.

[Rant/Rave] Cold office rant continued
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 112 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 06:25:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nczw/cold_office_rant_continued/
I made a post last week about being freezing in the office, wearing a lot of layers, and ordering a lab coat, etc etc.

WELL I finally decided on the lab coat I wanted to order and I was planning on using the company card today to purchase it. WHENNNN I pull into work and my supervisor parks next to me with a car full of his daughter's old jackets that I can use as lab coats. LIKE I DONT NEED YOUR HAND ME DOWNS. I had to pick one while I'm just screaming "pls no" on the inside. What have I done

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! October 30, 2017
Created: Mon Oct 30 06:13:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79nar9/weekly_stats_update_october_30_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for October 30, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 30, 2017
Created: Mon Oct 30 06:13:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79naq4/daily_food_diary_october_30_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Girls, what method of birth control are you using?
/u/es_0 [167 cm | GW: 47 kg | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 05:55:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79n7kh/girls_what_method_of_birth_control_are_you_using/
Hello everyone

Before my ED started I was using the pill and after a year I switched to the Implanon (hormone implant), right around when my AN manifested itself. For the following four years I've never had my period or any bleeding at all. Emotionally I've had many ups and downs and for the past year my depression got heavier.

Just a few months ago I decided to take it out and not use anything with hormones, mainly to see how I'll react mentally.
Things have been well but I'm not noticing many differences. For three months now my period has been regular... and I really dislike it. My cramps are bad, I'm hungrier (cravings...) and the bloating is horrible. Plus it's a hassle to use condoms with my long-term BF.

First I've been thinking about the copper spiral, but I'm unsure about the pain and all other negative aspects of it. The only positive thing is that it's not messing with my hormones.

I really don't know. Everything has their ups and downs. So girls of /r/proed please tell me: what do you use and how are you handling any side effects? Especially in regards to your ED.

[Rant/Rave] Friends make insensitive comments that I can't get mad at
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Mon Oct 30 05:35:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79n4b0/friends_make_insensitive_comments_that_i_cant_get/
I feel like my friends know something about me and my relationship with food and my eating patterns isn't quite normal, but they don't say anything. Except for some of them, who are totally clueless and make jokes about it. It really upsets me and humiliates me, and I'm not really the type to not call people out when they say something shitty to me, but I feel like if I DO tell them to fuck off, it confirms that there's something wrong in that department and draws more attention to it. People paying attention to my eating or speculating about it is the very last thing I want, so I just seethe at them and say nothing and then get over it. I'm so tired of swallowing my feelings because my disorder loves secrecy too much for me to let anybody know that I have Issues.

[Help] Just finished a 7 day fast and then binged...
Created: Mon Oct 30 05:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79n3jz/just_finished_a_7_day_fast_and_then_binged/

[Discussion] Anyone else get really freaking upset when they see pictures from their HW? AKA me this morning
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 125 | F | 22]
Created: Mon Oct 30 05:24:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79n2nx/anyone_else_get_really_freaking_upset_when_they/
Okay I seriously am so mad at my friend right now. She posted a picture from my highest weight [about 5 years ago] on Facebook.

I told her about my ED before and how those pictures are so horrible for me and I cry every time I see them. I saw her 2 weeks ago and I'm at my lowest adult weight and she was acting all concerned about how skinny I was (LOL JOKE I'm normal weight) and then she posts this picture???? on Facebook!? and tags me in it?!?!

I don't use this word often but I am so fucking triggered. I had a huge binge fest this weekend but I am so sick to my stomach after seeing that. I planned on restricting again obviously and this just ensures that. Not only that, but I've told her so many times how ashamed I am to be at that weight [binge eating out of control] and how embarrassed I feel when people I know see that. This was before I met my boyfriend too and I really don't want him to see this but it's on Facebook. I texted her but she hasn't replied.

I just feel like this is insensitive on her part, but I'm probably oversensitive due to ED. I'm in the library trying not to cry right now. I'm just so pissed. I've worked so hard to reinvent myself. The people at school know me as the girl who never eats anything unhealthy. They all laugh when I go walk the stairs in-between classes to get more exercise. They bring cookies and pizza in and don't even ask me anymore because I'm "so healthy™!!" I'm *that* girl. I'm not the fat girl anymore, but seeing that picture just took me back. Ugh.

Do you guys feel this way when seeing pictures from the past too?

[Goal] Apparently I an absolutely clueless about my size.
/u/Funktionierende [25F | 5'2" | CW131.2lbs | SW185lbs | GW100lbs | BMI24]
Created: Mon Oct 30 03:34:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79mn7h/apparently_i_an_absolutely_clueless_about_my_size/
I keep staring at my ribs and hip bones protruding from my BMI 24 body, thinking "With this bone structure, I'll never be a size 0. My bones are huge. I probably have a size 4 bone structure. Ugh."

But I have been getting kind of tired of wearing my baggy old jeans and sweatpants, and I was browsing Amazon and I found this pair of jeans that I really liked the look of, so I ordered a pair. Size 4, smallest size they had on that style, thinking they'd be goal pants. Thinking they'd be something to work towards. Thinking they'd probably fit when I'm as small as I can go.

They arrived.

They *fit*.

Perfectly. Snug, form-fitting, but not skin tight and not difficult to put on at all. It's like they were tailor made for me.

I'm. a. Size. 4. (in that brand anyway, and the reviews seem to agree that they run true to size).

Size 4 was basically my goal size because I thought I was limited by my friggen bones, and now I know I can go way smaller because I still have plenty of bubble-butt remaining. At least I have a nice pair of jeans to wear in the meantime.

[Rant/Rave] 'You're not allowed to feel bad until you've eaten more than me'
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 123 | 21.4 | GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Mon Oct 30 03:29:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79mmnh/youre_not_allowed_to_feel_bad_until_youve_eaten/
My girlfriend (who I love to death) said this to me last night because I freaked out over eating 2 slices of toast, half a 450g tub of yoghurt and 4 slices (I guess 2 if you count that they were cut so small) of Dominos pizza and I asked her not to take a photo of me.

She's trying to help me recover before it gets 'too bad' but comments like that don't help, everytime I eat 'normally' I feel like shit and like I'm faking having a disorder and I don't know how to tell anyone this because they don't understand, the only thing that's keeping me eating ~500 is she tells me I'll get a hug for it. Which is dumb but it works I guess.

[Rant/Rave] i am so sick of my roommate
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Sun Oct 29 23:28:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79lrzm/i_am_so_sick_of_my_roommate/
long, stupid, tired, hungry rant incoming

well i actually hate all of them for really petty reasons. i wish i could live alone so bad. i actually live in a really nice apartment but i'm an ass who is never satisfied with anything nice. i even have my own room in an apartment of 5 people. 2 of them don't even talk to the rest of us. i hate sharing a space with others. i hate sharing my bathroom. i hate sharing fridge space. the little space i use is still so small i have to cram everything anyway.

one chick is this fat girl trying to lose weight and she cooks a lot. burns everything. always. leaves the oven on. doesn't clean up after herself. uses SO many dishes including my own but this girl NEVER speaks to me, even in passing. so fucking weird.

the other one i really dislike always fucking asks me what i'm eating or i'll like come home with bags and she'll ask some obvious question, "did ya go shopping" of fucking course i did now leave me alone jesus christ.

i'm such a dick for being this way but i'm so sick of acting like this doesn't bother me. i restrict all day and once the lights are off in the common area and i'm sure no one's out there i grab my food and eat in my room before i go to bed. i was pissed because this chick's door is open and i was like FUCK. i'm a ravenous raccoon anyways and was probably getting wrappers to make a lot of noise. she comes out and i awkwardly go "hi".

i'm so sick of failing at hiding my weirdness around food. people have accidentally seen me reorganize my food in the fridge or open it then close it then open it then close it again. it's so fucking annoying. this one chick is always asking questions. like please stop talking to me. i'm so fucking mean when i'm hungry. i was pissed i had to wait longer to eat than i expected to.

this girl just sees my weird eating habits and i swear she's onto me. when i first came here she brought up once how i never eat and i was like err i have bad anxiety so i don't like leaving my room often. i hate when people pry. i've dealt with my ED since i was 13, so it's almost been 6 years for me. fuck off and stop prying. i know what i'm doing jfc

[Goal] I'm the heaviest I've ever been and things need to change.
Created: Sun Oct 29 23:17:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79lqbb/im_the_heaviest_ive_ever_been_and_things_need_to/
I weighed myself today and I'm 228 pounds. I'm 5'11 and I've got a pretty thick build normally but I don't usually show when I gain weight. I can't wear my old pants or shorts and my stomach is so big I look pregnant. My lowest weight was 160 and I'm setting that as my ultimate goal, I know anything below that is unlikely. But I just need to get back below 200. I didn't think I was this bad but holy shit guys. I really fucked myself up.

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like admitting you're dieting is admitting weakness?
Created: Sun Oct 29 21:29:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79l92y/does_anyone_else_feel_like_admitting_youre/
I feel like everyone else can just eat the right amount normally, and when I say that I'm intentionally doing it it's admitting that I'm a broken pig who has to be conscious about it. Even if I did get to a normal weight I feel like it wouldn't count because it would be unnatural.

[Rant/Rave] back on track
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Sun Oct 29 21:17:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79l6ye/back_on_track/
i've been trying (and kind of succeeding) in losing the weight i gained on maintenance. over the weekends, i'll usually go a few hundred calories over my tdee. yesterday, i ate around 2,000 calories. i haven't been going to the gym. my stomach flatness and thigh gap are diminishing. every time i eat—even things like apples and vegetables, stuff i used to feel okay with eating—i feel guilty and disgusting.

starting tomorrow, i'm getting back on track. i'm fasting until the afternoon (but letting myself drink coffee before then cuz i'm lowkey addicted to caffeine) on days when i have work and on other days i'll fast until i get home. i'm giving myself a *hard limit* of 700 calories per day. weakness is giving up and eating more than my limit. i'm refinding the strength that i had when i maintained my lowest weight.

[Rant/Rave] Being broke is a blessing in disguise?
/u/imnevergold [170 | CW 51.7 | GW 47 | BMI 17.84 | F |]
Created: Sun Oct 29 20:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79l28i/being_broke_is_a_blessing_in_disguise/
I've been eating way too much to feel comfortable with myself. This weekend I literally blew like $100. $70 if my friend pays me back for the drinks I bought him lol. I've decided that my food budget for the week is going to be $30, which means a lot of days where I eat 400 calories Special K cereal for the entire day lol

[Discussion] I like to spend all my money once I get paid so I won't have leftover $$$ to buy food
Created: Sun Oct 29 20:35:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kzda/i_like_to_spend_all_my_money_once_i_get_paid_so_i/
I know it sounds silly but normally once I get paid I like to spend up most of my leftover cash after bills, savings, etc. so I won't be tempted to buy fast food, snacks from the vending machine, go out with friends and that sorta thing. I'll buy myself some healthy/safe foods at the grocery store and I basically just force myself to eat those and nothing else.

Does anyone else do this? lol

[Rant/Rave] Unintentional dickish behavior led to less cals
/u/lesscush4smoosh [5'9" | avoiding scale | will update | not sure | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 20:17:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kw8w/unintentional_dickish_behavior_led_to_less_cals/
My husband is a sensitive, sweet guy. I am a sensitive, sweet girl. But much like dogs, when stuck inside (inactive) all day and with too much energy pent up, we can get destructive. Especially towards each other. We generally go to the gym or hike or fish or swim to keep ourselves cool.

Despite inactivity, I have been hella sweet somehow this weekend but he has been in brooding douche-bag mode all day. I really wanted to make chocolate mousse but was fighting the urge when, out of the blue, he piped up: "can we make brownies?"

Um hellzbellzyuh. I was thinking, be cool be cool. Dip your finger in the batter ONCE and enjoy it, then call it good. So I go to stick my finger in the bowl and *whap* get the back of my hand smacked. "What the hell?!?" "I want to make sure the batter fills the pan." "Dude, seriously. How much did you think I was going to take WITH THE TIP OF MY INDEX FINGER."

Needless to say I won't be eating any brownies. But now he thinks I am acting childish. Some days I wish I could explain but he doesn't get it. He lectured me on my lack of weight lifting inclusion in my gym routine this weekend and decided to comment on my general lack of red meat in my diet.

I want to scream at him. 4 years ago we could talk about all this while I was inpatient and had maybe 30 min of phone time a day. He understood and was so supportive. Now that I am no longer underweight (god help me) he thinks I should be able to be "normal" about things.

How can I talk to him without ratting myself out? I have tried being subtle but ahh. He does not pick up on things like that (bless his heart)

Sorry no flair - on mobile

[Discussion] What's your response when your doctor wants you to gain weight?
/u/randyguptill [5'7.5" | CW 128.4 | maintaining | 19.31 | complicated |]
Created: Sun Oct 29 20:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kvp3/whats_your_response_when_your_doctor_wants_you_to/
He knows I'm purging and restricting. I'm an adult so he can't do anything other than talk to me. He's a really great guy so I don't want to be mean. But I am not going to change my eating habits now. Only going for antidepressants and a pap smear. He wants me to get a mammogram but I don't even have boobs anymore lol.

[Discussion] Anyone seen the new Louis Theroux anorexia documentary?
/u/fruitandfood [🦊 5'7" | 129.4 | 20.2 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Oct 29 20:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kvl0/anyone_seen_the_new_louis_theroux_anorexia/
I am obsessed with Louis Theroux and I was so excited he was doing the documentary and well, I loved it.

It was also so interesting to see some one who didn't seem to have been in anything near that type of environment before working so hard to try not to say anything offensive. I rewatched the moment where he is in a 60ish year old anorexic's house and she offers him a chocolate and he asks if she will have one with him and when she says no and explains her rules around it, his face is just so fascinating. He's struggling to understand her rules and whether him having it would help her or hurt her

I got concerned for the girl who got discharged at the end though, she didn't seem like she should've /:

[Goal] Extended Fast: Accountability (3-7 DAY GOAL)
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 20:01:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kt3a/extended_fast_accountability_37_day_goal/

Guys. I just made a 100 calorie cheese burger
Created: Sun Oct 29 19:54:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79krsv/guys_i_just_made_a_100_calorie_cheese_burger/

Created: Sun Oct 29 19:51:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kree/dinner/

[Rant/Rave] I need to stop this
Created: Sun Oct 29 19:50:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kr3g/i_need_to_stop_this/
I want to get better. This is taking over my life. I binge or restrict and there is no in between. Nobody even realizes it and I'm too scared to tell anyone. I like my body right now. I don't know why my mind won't let me just eat like a normal person and maintain it. Of course, I never turn down food and end up binging/eating over my maintenance calories most days, so I don't know if I'm really even as disordered as I think. I would love to be normal. I'm so jealous of everyone who knows how to eat normally, because apparently I can't even do that right. If anyone knows the secret to eating like a normal person without binging and restricting and freaking out about calories and thinking about food 24/7 let me know because I seriously hate doing this.

[Rant/Rave] Oh what a fun weekend
Created: Sun Oct 29 19:47:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kqld/oh_what_a_fun_weekend/
Got a wedding coming up (not mine) so I need to drop for that - id rather not have my dress look like an old sausage casing. My skinny friend got skinnier and she’s already a bombshell so yeah that leftover Chinese in the fridge can get fucked because I’m not eating it. Like she looks like a sunflower and I look like a goddamn potato.

Life has been giving me the finger lately. Luckily, I’ve dropped 10 pounds so far this month because anxiety killed my appetite, so this should be easy as hell. Thank god toxins are trendy and juice cleanses are in.

[Help] need someone to talk to and help
Created: Sun Oct 29 19:46:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kqf2/need_someone_to_talk_to_and_help/

[Help] post-binge blues. what to do now?
Created: Sun Oct 29 19:12:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kjwh/postbinge_blues_what_to_do_now/
today has been a rouuuugh day due to me eating far more than i expected or would have liked to. i feel huge again after a week of successful restricting. but i was wondering what would be beneficial to do (aside from purging) to build myself back to feeling fine & empty. what do y'all typically do after binging? fast? work out?

[Help] Tips to make yourself feel skinnier without actually being skinnier?
Created: Sun Oct 29 19:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kjq1/tips_to_make_yourself_feel_skinnier_without/

[Discussion] Does your frugality contribute to your ED?
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 111| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 18:51:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79kfqp/does_your_frugality_contribute_to_your_ed/
So Im pretty frugal+cheap, although I have considerable savings from summer jobs/red pocket money and my parents help with tuition. It doesnt help however that grocery prices where I live are so high. Im talking $5 for a package of bacon, $4 for a head of cauliflower, $7 for a sad package of prosciutto!

Since I dont buy much besides bread, cabbage, tomatoes, carrots, and eggs, my weekly food bill turns out to be $15-20. This makes me really happy. I can’t imagine spending upwards of $50 a week on food, neither do I need to. On the other hand, my housemates hardly cook and regularly get take out (which probably costs like $20 a meal—wtf??)

It helps with my calorie restriction because since I dont buy stuff like snacks, frozen pizza, cake, etc—I don’t binge on them. Simple as that.

Which is why Im worried for what will happen when I can finally start maintaining. Suddenly I’ll go from eating 500 cal worth of food a day to 1500! That is a 3x increase. I’m afraid that my frugality will stop me from buying enough food for myself and eating at maintenance and I’ll just keep losing and losing like a downward spiral.

Anyone else feel like their ED is exacerbated by their cheapness?

[Rant/Rave] Here we go again.
/u/letmebelittle [5'7" | CW: 122.8 lbs | BMI: 19.2 | WL: 87 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Oct 29 18:11:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79k7xw/here_we_go_again/
I have been too depressed lately to even think about my ED. All I've wanted to do is eat and sleep for the past two weeks. I feel so fat and disgusting, and apparently I've gained around 16 lbs. I need to get a handle on this again. I've been hardcore binging every day, no purging, and i need to snap back into it. I'm sick of feeling like even more of a whale than before. I need some control again.

Sorry that this is kinda random, I just had to get it out there to make myself accountable.

[Discussion] Annoying comments
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 112 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 18:00:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79k5ox/annoying_comments/
No one knows I have an ED. Everyone just thinks I "eat healthy." I usually eat ~600 calories a day during the week and don't really care what I eat on weekends as long as it's around 1000 calories.

My family ordered pizza for dinner which I would usually avoid but with it being Sunday, I convinced myself just one slice would be okay. As soon as I sit down and mentally prepare, my dad HAS to say "YOU'RE EATING PIZZA??" Like wtf. Apparently my mom told him I don't eat pizza. Okay mom, when did I say that?

My parents make comments like this ALL the time and it makes me so mad.

Anyway, anyone else relate? Let me hear your stories and if you've found a solution!

I just said something like "yes I am having a slice of pizza, do you have to comment on every single thing I eat?" Ugh

[Rant/Rave] A skirt from high school sent me down a shame spiral
Created: Sun Oct 29 17:55:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79k4q4/a_skirt_from_high_school_sent_me_down_a_shame/
I'm 26 and I skirt I wore 8 years ago has me feeling lower than I've been in years.

While cleaning out my closet, I found the skirt and, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to try on. An XS wool skirt that used to fit just right over my hips will barely contain the smallest part of my waist. I used to be so tiny; I wish I was as "fat" now as I was then.

I pretended to be a vegetarian to disguise my eating disorder (classic) and god, I looked good. I lived for the snide remarks about eating a sandwich, I loved being known as the tiny girl.

Now, I'm post-college, post-serious relationship, post-hope for the future and instead of restricting, I stuff my face when I'm stressed. I hate it. I hate how I feel in my own body. I know better than to fall down this rabbit hole again; I know what healthy eating looks like and I know how to lose weight safely. But I don't want that. I hate myself and my body too much to take care of it.

I just want to be a woman who can wear her old clothes from high school.

[Help] I can't stop binging and purging someone help please.
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3 | CW 115 | GW 95 | BMI 20.4 |18 F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 17:54:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79k4ir/i_cant_stop_binging_and_purging_someone_help/
I was doing very well restricting and lost about 12 pounds from my HW ever post "recovery", and I'm caught in the awful b/p cycle. It's at least once a day, yesterday it was 5 times in ONE DAY. I can feel the weight coming back, and my loss is stalling. I just ate some cake and mini binged, but I'm forcing myself to not purge in hopes that will deter me from eating and purging in the future, knowing "I can't get rid of it." Although my binges aren't extreme and are just a few hundred calories usually, it stalls my weight loss and makes my body and skin look awful. Someone help me get back on track please. These urges are ridiculous. It's never been this bad someone help me stop please god. I'm at the point of being suicidal if I can't stop this and get back on track.

[Discussion] Do you hate or love sharing food?
Created: Sun Oct 29 17:05:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79juk5/do_you_hate_or_love_sharing_food/
For as long as I can remember I've hated sharing food. I'm always worried there's not going to be enough for me even though my main ED is anorexia. If someone asks for a piece of what I have I literally feel like I go into survival mode. My normal compassionate and giving reflexes turn primal where I try to give them the least amount possible. I wondered if this was an ED thing but from my google searches it seems people fall into either camp, either you are a food sharer, or your not. My dietitian's husband and daughter don't share food and they don't have an ED. So I'm curious, do you love to share food (or at least don't mind it), or do you hate it as much as I do? If you have sharing food, are you "stingy" in any other area of your life? (I am this way with time and money as well).

[Help] [Help] How much weight will I lose if I stick to under 300 cal?
Created: Sun Oct 29 17:01:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79jtk0/help_how_much_weight_will_i_lose_if_i_stick_to/

[Discussion] How do you guys keep motivated/ distracted when fasting?
Created: Sun Oct 29 16:56:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79jsl8/how_do_you_guys_keep_motivated_distracted_when/
I've just been playing solitaire endlessly but it's getting boring now 😂

[Rant/Rave] Stopped drinking soda for 2 weeks
/u/decima205 [5'6" | SW: 150 | CW: 143 | GW: 110 | 27/F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:55:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79jg59/stopped_drinking_soda_for_2_weeks/
And finally, finally the scale is moving!

I knew all along soda was essentially liquid Satan, but there is such a huge difference between knowing that and feeling guilty every time I drank it... vs. actually doing something about it. I was the type of person who would literally drink a can of Sprite or ginger ale every meal. I would buy the 12-packs at the store and go through one every couple days. I decided halfway through this month that I was going to suck it up and stop drinking it cold.

Now, If I get the craving at a restaurant, I ask for a club soda (carbonated water) instead. When I stop by the store I force myself to keep walking past the teaser stands at the checkout. After 2 weeks of not doing anything else (no change in exercise or diet), I dropped 3 pounds on the scale. I know it's not much, but damn, just from cutting out sugary drinks. I'm on such a high right now there's no way I'm going back.

[Rant/Rave] Under 70kg for the first time in 2 years fuck yess
/u/Rhyanon [5'7" | 152 | 23.74 | -37 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:38:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79jcng/under_70kg_for_the_first_time_in_2_years_fuck_yess/
Ye boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Okay actual post now been having a garbage day at my parents and my academic life and mental health feels like its falling apart but then i saw my parents scale in the bathroom and im like "fam ive eaten and drank loads and had no poo so its probs gonna be a bad time but its a scale how can I not god"

so i did and i weighed in a 69 fucking kilograms and now i feel a fucktonne better!!!!!!!!!! hehe lol 69

forreal though its rare this shit brings me anything but misery even when i make it to a goal so this is a nice change

keep on keeping on everyone <3

[Help] Tattoo sessions & restriction
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79jbli/tattoo_sessions_restriction/

So, with the exception of my last session, i've never been restricting around the time of being tattooed. With that being said, my last session in september was a NIGHTMARE. My artist, who has spent dozens of hours with me, was like "uh yeah, this is weird; you're struggling so let's call it a day". She chalked it up to me being on my period, but I had been on my period for a few other sessions before and had NEVER had this problem. SO, my question is this: what can I do to prepare my body better for my session this friday? Obviously, I know i've gotta eat some stuff, but I want to make it count. 24 hrs of fruit bowls? Gatorade? Blood of my enemies?? Idk! I'm not science!

Thanks, bbs

[Tip] Tell me your tips and tricks for fighting the cravings!
/u/agent_philcoulson [5'4" | CW: 140 | GW: 120]
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79j851/tell_me_your_tips_and_tricks_for_fighting_the/

[Discussion] What are your thoughts on laxatives/gas relief pills? Have you ever struggled with laxative/gas relief abuse with your ED?
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:13:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79j75c/what_are_your_thoughts_on_laxativesgas_relief/

[Rant/Rave] I can feel myself getting thinner.
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:12:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79j6wf/i_can_feel_myself_getting_thinner/

Chia Protein Pudding, 110 cal per 1/2 cup
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:12:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79j6v3/chia_protein_pudding_110_cal_per_12_cup/

[Help] Stuck at the same weight for a while, how do I get lower?
Created: Sun Oct 29 15:06:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79j5b8/stuck_at_the_same_weight_for_a_while_how_do_i_get/

[Rant/Rave] Foods you used to love that you know you'll never be able to eat comfortably again?
Created: Sun Oct 29 14:39:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79izh2/foods_you_used_to_love_that_you_know_youll_never/
I used to love pizza and soda, now I can't even imagine indulging in either of them, at least without having a panic attack. I just can't imagine myself eating and drinking those things and feeling fine afterwards. I cant imagine eating something and forgetting about it. I envy people who can eat so guilt free, who can decide they want something and not count the calories or decide if they are going to spit it out or purge or take a laxative afterwards or fast for the next 3 days, they just enjoy it and go about their day, not feeling the guilt in their stomachs, not feeling like their body is starting to swell up like a balloon and not fearing what they will see the next time they step on a scale. I used to be that person for a while and now I could never even imagine being someone like that.

[Discussion] D.A.E. worry about Natalie Dyer?
Created: Sun Oct 29 14:31:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ixk0/dae_worry_about_natalie_dyer/
Like, I get the look - like all the characters are waif-ish (like Winona does the whole stressed out look v well, cigarettes on cigarettes, but that actress is like healthy-looking asf - and all the boys are so young and little-boy-y anyway.
But N is 19 - I think maybe she went to lose weight for the role and it spiraled? or her meal plan is crazii - and yeah, this has been talked about before, but now - with a new season - it's like HIGHLY distracting, to the point I am like wtf Netflix... I just want to know what a take on this is like for other people - like, it would have been way better if they would have addressed it earlier and it could have been plot, esp. as Nancy is the... least wild story arch (and they have blatantly gave her a bra scene, people picking her up scene, looking highly gaunt in the forest scene).

Do you care? Like it's totally her body, and I love the way she looks looool but I am alarmed because I honestly have a literal homosexual crush on her ? She is triggering, but that's my problem - because I want to be her. I think Netflix could have been a little more accountable, as this show is kind of a 'children' themed show (thus appealing to younger audiences, like meself) - but cartoons are also all rail thin, etc. etc.... so idk. I was on the fence about her ED potential until this season. Maybe their department knows, or she has someone she works with?

I watch the show with my SO, who LUVS Nancy (I was trying to talk about Winona and they thought we were talking about Nancy, so I know how they feel about her body essentially lolohno) so it just makes me pause, Hollywood is wack, but to be attractive like that you have to lose some serious cushy parts around your organs.

I hope she's okay.

[Rant/Rave] No desire to eat even during a long fast?
Created: Sun Oct 29 14:25:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79iwa2/no_desire_to_eat_even_during_a_long_fast/

[Rant/Rave] Theres no point in trying to recover anymore. im completely alone now
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 13:58:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79iq21/theres_no_point_in_trying_to_recover_anymore_im/
Literally the only person who knew was my boyfriend. He was the one I'd talk to when I was triggered, whenever my mom's bitchy to me (which is quite frequently), and when I wanted to purge. I already felt isolated when only he knew about it. Even though I'll never tell him how I truly feel when he asks me how I'm doing, he knew how to help me feel better . Talking to him helped me avoid purging.

We had a fight the other day because he's frustrated that Im not getting help, that he wants me to get better and all I'm doing is venting (I wish I can get help, but I can't right now because of home circumstances). We agreed I'll stop venting to him, and just vent on my IG (I have one of those dumb ED accounts). But it's not the same. Most of the people on IG are pro-ana/mia, and encourage my disordered behaviours, and in reality are only there for my body checks/eating disorder. I use it to get stuff that I can't tell my BF off my chest, even if they don't care.

I already pretend to everyone else that everything is fine, and now I have to fake it to him too. Don't get me wrong he's absolutely amazing, and I get his frustration with me. I don't want to continue to emotionally drain him. He's already done a lot for me, I can't keep expecting his love and attention whenever I'm distressed.

He was the only one I felt comfortable talking to about it in real life as well. There's no way I'd be able to talk to the solid three friends that I have.

Anyways. I just feel even more alone in my eating disorder now. I was motivated to recover on my own with the BF's support for the sake of my relationship. I don't see a point anymore if I'm just gonna pretend everything is okay to him too. And even though I don't tell him how I'm really feeling, venting was my way to sort of be honest with him in that regard. I guess just keep purging my feelings out then, and continue to destroy myself more until I die.

[Discussion] Is tomorrow anybody else's "This time it's for real" day?
/u/TerracottaFlower [5'6 | CW 133lbs | GW 120lbs | UG 110lbs | -44lbs]
Created: Sun Oct 29 13:20:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ihjv/is_tomorrow_anybody_elses_this_time_its_for_real/
Tomorrow is, for real, the day where I change things and finally drop the weight that's clinging to me. I'm going to Oslo on the 15th December and I want to be under 55kg and as close to 50kg as possible.

Any tips, encouragement or ideas would be amazing <3

EDIT: Monday AND the start of the month??

[Rant/Rave] Yay hospital?!
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63 kg | BMI: 23.4 | -20.5 kg | 21F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 13:06:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ieex/yay_hospital/

[Help] I can't find the right app
/u/noidea744 [5'3| CW 110.8 | BMI 20|F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 12:43:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79i970/i_cant_find_the_right_app/
I want one that I can use to track

Water intake
And possibly a few other things but I can't find any that let me track every thing (on android)

[Discussion] Nightmares about binging?
Created: Sun Oct 29 12:27:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79i5ob/nightmares_about_binging/
Last night was awful. I woke up so many times because I was dreaming that I was eating EVERYTHING. I'd wake up feeling guilty and unsettled, then repeat the cycle of sleeping/binging/dreaming, waking up, sleeping/binging/dreaming.. so on, so forth. In reality, I have been intermittently fasting. I went 52 hours fasting, ate 1/4 of a medium curly fry because I was with friends, and have been fasting about 30 hours since. Does this happen to anyone else? I definitely don't want to deal with that again.

[Tip] Arctic Zero, 150 calories per pint
Created: Sun Oct 29 11:25:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79hrqk/arctic_zero_150_calories_per_pint/

[Rant/Rave] Bonding over superchic[k]
/u/dipped_in_gold_ [5'3 | CW 117 lbs | GW 105 | 22F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 11:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79hn65/bonding_over_superchick/
On mobile, pls tag as rant/rave mods!

Hosted a small party last night at my apartment, and the prettiest, stick-thin girl ever showed up. Literally y’all, was in shock and awe.

So we’re all sitting around, drinking wine and vodka and god knows what else, and we get on the topic of first concerts. I tell the group that mine was Superchic[k] from back in my Very Christian phase, and the girl immediately says “oh yeah, the band that all the skinny girls who don’t want to eat listen to.” I fangirled so hard; the absolute only way someone would know this is from watching the copious amounts of thinspo vids with Courage and Beauty from Pain in the background.

Anyway, tl;dr found a kindred spirit at the bottom of a giant ass bottle of wine

[Rant/Rave] Fuck food, fuck wanting it
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 140 | -27 | HW: 172 | GW: 125 | 20F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 10:44:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79hitt/fuck_food_fuck_wanting_it/
I need someone to tell me that it's okay to want to eat an entire McDonalds double cheeseburger combo meal, that it's okay to eat it, that it's okay to want to want it even though i'm 15 lbs above goal weight and have been eating above maintenance for weeks. I just want to be happy. I want it but I don't deserve it. I want to be able to eat that food and feel joy, like it was something that I was craving and decided to eat, rather than something I have to mull over and cry about and beat myself up over.

I hate knowing that this ED has forever altered food for me. If I go to buy it now and eat it I know I'll still feel empty. I just want to eat the cheeseburger and fries and laugh and watch a movie and be normal and feel happy and okay. I just want someone to tell me that it's okay for me to want food and that it's okay for me to eat it. That people don't need to "deserve" food at all. Someone to hear me say this crap and laugh at the ridiculousness of it,
like "lol what do you mean 'deserve' a cheeseburger?? Eat what you want let's
get mcdicks lmfao" level blase, like the kind of person who is happy with their life and who they are and how they look and so far
removed from ED thinking that it's just impossible to comprehend. I think maybe, just maybe, I could believe them. If I knew they believed it too. But I don't know anyone like that and I doubt they even exist in this fucked up world, where everyone has a weird relationship with food. I want to be able to go get a burger and have it be just a burger. Food, because I'm hungry. Delicious food, because I feel like it. I want
that to be okay. Why can't I stop crying?

[Help] I don't understand...
Created: Sun Oct 29 10:44:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79hioo/i_dont_understand/
I've been fasting for six days, and have been roughly losing a pound a day. I decided to break the fast last night with a grilled chicken salad instead of a massive binge and was really fucking proud of myself. I weigh this morning and I'm 2 pounds heavier. How???? I don't understand and it makes me scared either my scale isn't accurate even though it's brand new or I just can't risk eating. Does anyway know how it's possible?

[Help] Does anyone use laxatives
Created: Sun Oct 29 09:35:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79h43j/does_anyone_use_laxatives/
Does anyone use laxatives after a bingeing? I can’t stop taking them now

[Other] New gym move - it's called, my apartments freezing so I will do half-wall sits above my heater to burn calories but also be warmer
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 09:26:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79h2cl/new_gym_move_its_called_my_apartments_freezing_so/

[Other] Any Life is Strange fans here?
Created: Sun Oct 29 09:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79h0ok/any_life_is_strange_fans_here/
Well, first of all, obviously, all the girls in the game are major thinspo lol. I don't even play the thing, just watch others do it on Youtube. It's like a movie and I really have been loving all of it so far. It's a shame there's only three episodes this time. If anyone else watched/played, what are your thoughts?

[Rant/Rave] shower thoughts
/u/posyposer [5’4 | 21.5 | CW: 125 | GW: 115]
Created: Sun Oct 29 08:59:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79gwvy/shower_thoughts/
This morning I was standing in the shower and I was high and I looked at myself and I thought that I really do want to love my body but that felt like giving up

[Other] Anime irl
/u/ThermalAnvil [15 lbs lost]
Created: Sun Oct 29 08:52:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79gvqy/anime_irl/

[Other] Jesus.
Created: Sun Oct 29 08:41:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79gtqi/jesus/

[Other] My favorite food reviewer
Created: Sun Oct 29 08:32:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79gs6m/my_favorite_food_reviewer/
I wanted to share my new favorite YouTube channel with you all. It’s called Report of the Week (link at the bottom).

The show mainly focuses on fast food places and in some ways disgusts me. But at the same time, the host (who is maybe 20 and kind of an odd duck) is so genuine and unpretentious that I find it inspirational.

Anyways, I don’t expect that this show is for everyone, but I wanted to share in case some of you will like it as I do.


Edit: removed comment about weight

[Discussion] October 29th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 08:04:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79gn8v/october_29th_2017_question_of_the_day/
Camping, glamping, or hotel?

(I added on glamping for funsies)

[Rant/Rave] I'm so tired of this struggle.
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 07:33:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ghzw/im_so_tired_of_this_struggle/
I'm in between a state of recovery and being very deep in this disorder.

I hit 1300 calories yesterday, and I was really proud of that. Today, I'm struggling. I know I need to hit my goal of 1200 in order to make sure that my body is getting used to food. I have to maintain that until my nutritionist appointment.

Idk. Part of me just wants to get thinner. Very badly. I don't think I'm thin enough, and I hit a plateau so I'm not going to be losing on 1200. That being said, I just want to stop feeling awful all the time. I want to eat a piece of cake and be happy. I want to go back to eating dinner with my boyfriend. I want to actually enjoy myself and not be stressed out because I gained half a pound.

I just want this all to go away.

[Rant/Rave] binged 3 days and scale went up 13 pounds
Created: Sun Oct 29 07:19:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79gfr9/binged_3_days_and_scale_went_up_13_pounds/

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Oct 29 06:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79g5pd/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 29, 2017
Created: Sun Oct 29 06:10:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79g5nz/daily_food_diary_october_29_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 29, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] My bf barely noticed that I didn't eat for the 48 hours I was around him.
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW:85bs | 21F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 05:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fyzj/my_bf_barely_noticed_that_i_didnt_eat_for_the_48/
I've been fasting for 6 days and I was around my bf for 48hours of that. He made about two mentions to the fact I should eat something but that was it. Didn't seem too concerned #blessed

[Discussion] How often do you guys weigh yourselves?
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 04:22:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fsmj/how_often_do_you_guys_weigh_yourselves/
I've recently decided not to weigh myself any more than once a month, because every time I hit a new low weight I screw it up by celebrating with food. Ahahaha. I
My train of thought is basically if I don't know how much I weigh I won't let myself fuck up.

It's just so tempting to do it every day like I'm used to though

[Help] How do you stop yourself from eating other peoples food?
/u/overweightandstress [5'8 | CW: 144 lb | BMI: 21.4 | GW: 127 lb| F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 03:42:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fo50/how_do_you_stop_yourself_from_eating_other/
I live with roommates who have no idea about my binge eating/bulimia and sometimes, especially after drinking, I can't help myself at all. I get so stressed about replacing the food I ate right away but sometimes I can't do it in time and it's causing a lot of trouble. How do you stop yourself?! I feel like such a shitty person

[Help] Unhealthy lunch has stopped me today
Created: Sun Oct 29 03:15:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fl6m/unhealthy_lunch_has_stopped_me_today/
I’ve an unhealthy lunch today at work, ~500-600 cals but it included croissant and snickers.
How do I deal with this?
I want to be able to just enjoy that as a little treat but now I hate myself again!
Do I skip dinner tonight to make up for it or do I just carry on as normal and acknowledge that it was ok to have it?

[Other] I've gained six pounds but I'm not going to let it get me down!!
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 03:10:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fko3/ive_gained_six_pounds_but_im_not_going_to_let_it/
I tried a brief period of recovering. It's been a month, and I can't stand the way my thighs look, its revolting. So, I'm back at it folks! I'm trying to not get myself down, because I think at least a portion of this is water weight, but I'm going to get it off as quickly as possible. Cheers to everyone on their journeys.. and wish me luck getting back on mine

[Discussion] Serious question, why is r/proed tagline "fringe eating support"?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 29 02:17:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ff00/serious_question_why_is_rproed_tagline_fringe/
This might be really dumb but I've always wondered..

[Other] This killed my appetite so hard...
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:60kg | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Sun Oct 29 02:11:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fea8/this_killed_my_appetite_so_hard/

[Intro] Tues' Intro
/u/nekotues [Female | 5'4" | cw: 90lbs | ugw: 75lbs]
Created: Sun Oct 29 01:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79fabh/tues_intro/
I’m Tues, a 26-year-old female who was diagnosed with EDNOS (now OSFED) at 16-years-old.
Dx: C-PTSD, Anxiety, EDNOS, Depression, Agoraphobia with panic attacks, ADD

I have lurked r/proED off and on, because I just feel incapable of connecting with those around me. I’m just looking for understanding people to connect with and I hope I will find that here.

I am currently in quite the rut and unfortunately going to be mostly stuck in it until I move in the middle of next year and can really get some sort of a life started. The only thing I’m about to start working on outside of personal growth things (like drawing, writing, and exercising) is getting my driver’s license before my permit expires in May.

I would really like to get know you all more and I hope we may find whatever support we need in each other. If you have any questions for me, just ask.

Also, if any of you have a Kik group or wish to start one please send me a chat about it on Kik. My username is nekotues.

Thank you for taking the time to read this,


[Help] Ahhh going crazy
Created: Sun Oct 29 00:37:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79f4mg/ahhh_going_crazy/
I have been losing weight pretty quickly with my relapse but now I’ve plateaued so I tried to shock my body by taking in a few more calories. This morning I was still 108 which I’ve been at for like 3 days days now. Just weighed myself again and it now says I’m 111!?!!!!????!? I don’t understand this at all. Guess I’m going to fast for a couple days until I can break this. Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I just somehow gaining weight while not eating?

[Rant/Rave] Periods
/u/unpollutedfantasy [🥒]
Created: Sun Oct 29 00:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79f3z9/periods/
My period has been completely regular, right on time, predictable, like clockwork

This just makes me feel really fat because I lose my period at like a BMI of 21, which is kinda weird tbh, but that's just how my body works

So having a perfectly healthy menstrual cycle makes me feel fat.
This is actually the stupidest thing to complain about

[Rant/Rave] I don’t hate my wedding pictures!
/u/littlebirbb [5'7" | -38]
Created: Sun Oct 29 00:19:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79f2kx/i_dont_hate_my_wedding_pictures/
I only lost about half the weight I wanted to :( I had been restricting really well for a few months, I can’t work out so I have to compensate by eating only as often as I absolutely have to. But there was a lot going on before the wedding. I was super stressed, I actually semi-binged once or twice. There was some wild family drama. I decided, fuck it, I’m not letting my stupid food brain mess this up. I’m going to relax and I’ll eat when I’m hungry and we’ll see how things go after the wedding. I put a few pounds back on, but I still got to wear a size 8 wedding dress (I was in a snug 14 when I was binging most often/extremely depressed, so) and I don’t hate my pictures. I actually felt kind of cute. It was a wedding miracle.

Now I’m back, I lost the few pounds I had gained back, and I’ve got some neat rewards lined up (for fasts lasting x, y, and z time, pounds lost, sizes dropped, some other special goals!) and I’m feeling motivated. I’ve been back on a fairly low-cal regimen and I feel good about it. Vegan halo top is a thing now, which makes me incredibly happy. Haven’t binged in a long time now. My medication helps, but also I just don’t buy any binge-worthy food anymore, except that halo top lol.

Also, super random... I used to hate apples. Not sure why. Too crunchy? I don’t like tart ones especially but I never liked apples. Over the last few months, my husband and I have been getting a weekly local farm produce box. YOU GUYS. I have eaten an apple a day every day for the last like three weeks. I found the right kind. And now when my husband has lunch or popcorn or some other shit, I peel and slice an apple and eat that over the course of like an hour. And it’s so good. And I feel better eating that. New safe food love!

I’m going to go back to a psychiatrist when I get on his insurance. I know they’re going to have me go through the whooooole thing over again but it might be good. There’s been a lot of stress and sadness lately (wedding was a thing, my family is batshit crazy, my best friend’s baby boy died, food stuff, work stuff) and I need to keep my mind in shape so I don’t go binge and fuck it all up worse. 🌈

[Help] how to do tinder/dating with ED??
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 22:51:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ertf/how_to_do_tinderdating_with_ed/
I badly want to be stable enough to date. I'm in my 20's and haven't had a relationship since I was 15. I don't even care what it leads to, I just want to go on a freaking date without hating myself. Cue me making a tinder this week due to friends urging. I met a super cute guy for drinks on thursday, talked for 3 hours straight then he took me for a ride on his motorcycle. Best first date I've had in 2 years. This morning he picked me up from my house and we went rock climbing (our shared passion). Despite having a good time, I had an anxiety attack immediately when I got home because I started to catastrophize that he wasn't into me and would probably ghost me. My reasoning? Because he didn't try to make plans or kiss me, just said "let me know if you want to hang out again" when dropping me off. So in my panic I started b/p'ing at like 1 in the afternoon. I'm not even doing *that* bad right now, I'm keeping myself under control most of the time. But putting my self esteem and feelings on the line is triggering af for my ed. I know the logical answer is "don't date until you're fully recovered" but then I could be waiting my whole life.

[Discussion] What do YOU consider high restricting?
Created: Sat Oct 28 22:24:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79eo67/what_do_you_consider_high_restricting/

[Rant/Rave] Before all this I actually had something to look forward to everyday
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 111| GW 100| BMI 16| 19F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 22:04:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79el1j/before_all_this_i_actually_had_something_to_look/
Im in university and for the past two years, I’ve had a meal plan. I could eat an unlimited amount of food and it was just magical. Eating in the caf or ordering something from the grill was the highlight of my day. I could stuff my face with bacon, mashed potatoes, French fries, sandwiches, oatmeal, chips, waffles, fried chicken, pizza, pasta, cheese, chocolate cake, pie, tarts, and wash it all down with orange soda and apple juice.

It was a way of de-stressing after classes. It was a time of talking and spending time with my friends or just a time to relax by myself.

This year I don’t have a meal plan. This year my diet consists of toast, coke zero, cabbage soup, cauliflower rice, and more cabbage. I eat every meal by myself. I don’t have anything to look forward to after a long day. All I have are the same bland repetitive meals and memories of what real food tasted like.
And I think that’s what I miss the most about eating.

Embarking on a 36 hour fast. Does anyone want to join me?
/u/miracleunicat [5'6 | CW: 110 | GW: 85]
Created: Sat Oct 28 22:02:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79eks2/embarking_on_a_36_hour_fast_does_anyone_want_to/

[Thinspo] Thinspo Workout Music?
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0 | CW: 225 | -57 | GW: 100 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sat Oct 28 21:07:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ecnk/thinspo_workout_music/
I'm trying to build a playlist of thinspo music to play when fasting or exercising to keep my head in the game.

What music do yall listen to that's ED/body related?
Ideally, I want a mix of both positive and "negative" inspiration music, so if anyone has any songs that pump them up for self-betterment, * OR* help them remember to not be complacent with their body as-is, I'd appreciate it.
I like all genres of music, all languages, and from all time, so feel free to suggest anything.

My list so far (Artist-Title)

The White Striped - As Ugly As I Seem

Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man

R.Kelly -The World's Greatest

Kanye West - Power

DMX - Ruff Ryders' Anthem

D'Mixmasters (originally Eminem) - Till I Collapse Remix

Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame - Out There

Disney's Moana - How Far I'll Go

Disney's Hercules - Go The Distance

Superchick - Beauty From Pain

Can *anyone* tell me why it's called thinspO and not thinspI? The word is inspIration not inspOration. Just something random that's bugged me.

[Rant/Rave] Why the hell have the calories on Quest bars changed again?
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat Oct 28 20:37:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79e7zt/why_the_hell_have_the_calories_on_quest_bars/
Several bars just went up by 10 calories; I double-checked this on their site. Cinnamon roll is now 180, s'mores is 190, cookies n' creme, mint chocolate chip, and cookie dough are 200, and rocky road is 210.

At the end of the day, it shouldn't *really* concern me (it's 10 calories), but it does, because what if they just slowly keep creeping up? Why is Quest being quiet about this change in nutritional info? The reason several of the bars previously bumped up (back in the glory days cookies n' creme was 180 and cinnamon roll was 160) was because of the fiber change. I can't find a valid reason for the info to have changed in this case. God, everything already makes me paranoid, I don't need my protein bars betraying me on top of it.

[Discussion] How long and at what amount have you managed to restrict for?
Created: Sat Oct 28 19:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79dywt/how_long_and_at_what_amount_have_you_managed_to/
I obsessively use the losertown calculator. I’m trying to get myself down to a calorie allowance that I like again and I wanna know how long you’ve managed to restrict for. I’m nervous that <800 will make me go on like a year long binge cycle, but anyway, I’d just really love to hear your experiences.

(On mobile, can’t flair)

[Discussion] DAE hate eating?
Created: Sat Oct 28 19:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79dyld/dae_hate_eating/
I'd rather just drink everything and anything. Like, if I could *drink* a cheesecake, I'd rather do that.

The actual process of eating and swallowing food just pisses me off.

[Rant/Rave] Out of control.
Created: Sat Oct 28 19:11:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79du1e/out_of_control/

[Discussion] What do you think is the underlying cause of your ED?
/u/haroshinka [Height 5'3|CW 45.2kg |BMI 17.7|Weight Lost 13|Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 18:30:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79dn2b/what_do_you_think_is_the_underlying_cause_of_your/
I was reading an article on the types of traits that people with eating disorders are more likely to exhibit, which acted as a catalyst for me to reflect on how many of these traits I see in myself and to what extent do they affect my self perception and disordered eating.

For example, I am a massive perfectionist in all aspects of my life. Academically, I set the highest standards for myself, and in a similar way that I currently do with my ED, I measured my worth through my ability to maintain those self invoked standards.

I also think a large part of it is to do with control over my own body. This time last year I was raped, and I felt a fundamental part of my autonomy was torn from me. In a twisted way, I feel like my ED was my own personal way of regaining control of my body.

What do you think are some of the potential underlying reasons for your eating disorder?

[Help] How to recover from a "fake" eating disorder?
Created: Sat Oct 28 18:00:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79dhmf/how_to_recover_from_a_fake_eating_disorder/
I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, and part of me is in denial, but honestly I'm pretty sure I have one, probably ednos. I feel like it's "fake" though, because I eat a lot. I binge most days. I also restrict sometimes though, so I don't really know. I haven't gotten my period in months, I was underweight at one point, I'm tired all the time, I have low self esteem and would rather be underweight than the healthy weight that I am now. Something really just isn't right. I want this to end. I want to "recover", but I don't know if I can say that since I don't actually have an eating disorder. My goal would be to be able to eat 1200-1500 calories a day consistently. Everytime I try to do that, I just go right back to binging or restricting. It seems like such a simple goal, but so impossible. Has anyone been able to start eating consistently after binging and restricting, and can someone give me advice on how I can do that? I just want to feel normal again.

[Help] just hit highest wait ever and I weigh more than anyone else in my family ama
/u/get-it_together [5'3" | hahaha kill me | UGW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 17:29:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79dcas/just_hit_highest_wait_ever_and_i_weigh_more_than/

[Thinspo] 48hr into 120hr fast. My thinspo, my vices.
Created: Sat Oct 28 17:07:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79d8hq/48hr_into_120hr_fast_my_thinspo_my_vices/

[Help] tips for not binging
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [❤️5’8”💛cw:260💚gw:145💙|🍑@bulimiaisso87]
Created: Sat Oct 28 16:21:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79czyv/tips_for_not_binging/
so i have no control over my eating habits.i’m 19, in college and living at home. and by this time next year ill be living on my own which i am SO HAPPY ABOUT. long story short: my parents buy garbage food and i apparently can’t stop eating it.

so, i’m trying to lose a lot of weight rn and binging on junk is really slowing my progress, i’ve lost about 15lbs in about a month and a half, but with my ~1200kcal a day limit i would be losing more if i stuck to it.

anyways i was just wondering if you all had any tips on stopping a binge or avoiding one because this past week has sucked and i need help.

also to note: i am really good at sticking to my goals on days that i’m at school all day or at work all day, it’s days where i’m home for the majority that i fuck up.

[Rant/Rave] I just accidentally let something slip to a friend
Created: Sat Oct 28 16:00:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79cvwc/i_just_accidentally_let_something_slip_to_a_friend/
So, long story short, I just told my friend to hurry in the bathroom because "these laxatives are kicking my ass." Luckily, I realized what I was fucking saying right at "*these laxati...*" and just walked away from the door mumbling whatever nonsense came to my head in a panic. I know she's not stupid and I'm scared she's gonna say something to me, so I just left her house before she got out of the restroom.

*Please* tell me that I'm not the only one who has done something this stupid.

[Rant/Rave] stuck in a physics-defying plateau
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 130| GW: Kate Middleton| F|🍑:Whoopsie]
Created: Sat Oct 28 15:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79cskr/stuck_in_a_physicsdefying_plateau/
The past 2 months I've been on a plateau that I cannot seem to break- I weigh out all my food (even the oil I use to cook with) and have averaged 1250cal/day (sometimes I've gone over but I've always made up for it by low restricting until it evens out) and my sedentary TDEE is 1650, and I've been exercising....and I can't seem to break 130! UGHHHHHH I'm supposed to be 125 by now and nothing is going according to plan and it's making me so anxious that I wont be able to get to my UGW (120/119) by xmas :( :( :(

[Rant/Rave] Pear shape rant
/u/loratail [5'5 | CW: 111 | GW: 99 | 27f]
Created: Sat Oct 28 15:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79cp1f/pear_shape_rant/
Over my past 3 measurements my waist has gone from 26.5 to 24.8, my hips from 36 to 33.4, but my thighs?

Every time it's 18, 18, 18.

They won't budge even a fraction of an inch.

My husband is trying to work with me to maintain where I am for now (bless him for not trying to force me to gain weight right away) but I still feel so disgusting that it's been hard to up my intake. Any other pear shapes have similar struggles or tips? I'm not sure what I'm looking for really, I know you can't spot reduce... I maybe just need to find a way to come to terms with my body shape?

[Help] Tragedy!
/u/kVIIIwithan8 [64'' | 142lbs | 24.37 | 30lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 15:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79couc/tragedy/
Alright, beautiful people. I’m about to say something that I really, honestly never thought I would say.

I’m done losing weight. This is it. I’ve hit my goal. I can’t get any smaller than this. I don’t want to get smaller than this.

But here’s the really tragic thing: I’m still unhappy. I’m trying to look at this from the most objective possible position to avoid crying about it, but it’s true. I’m still not very happy with my body. I see the bones across my chest, my ribs, my hips, my fingers. I see them looking just the way I pictured them for all these years when I imagined what I’d look like when I finally hit my goal and instead of being happy and empowered, I’m disgusted.

I know I look better than I did before, my partner thinks I look better than I did before (even commented that he likes how I’ve slimmed down and said “you know what I even if it wasn’t through exercise, I think you paced yourself well enough that you lost the weight healthfully”), but my god, I can’t get it out of my head how horrifyingly disgusting I look.

I thought for a while that I didn’t care, I could wear the clothes I wanted, I was comfortable eating every day, but I saw myself naked and that comfort evaporated. I’m terrified of gaining weight, terrified of losing weight, and desperate to stop looking like this.

Have any of you been in this position? What did you do to get out of it?

Edit: my flair is wrong, I’m no longer in the 140s, I’m now closer to 110/105.

[Other] I just purged for the first time in 3 years. Wondering how this is going to turn out this time around.
Created: Sat Oct 28 15:12:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79cmqr/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_3_years/
Don’t know what I’m really hoping to get out of posting this, but I guess I’m getting it off my chest since I can’t tell anyone around me. I’m really good at making myself into other people’s problem, and I’m trying to be better than that.

Last night a casual lover of mine came over, we had a good time, and he stayed the night. This morning, he started kissing me and moved on top of me, and I let him, but suddenly everything felt very wrong and painful. I don’t think he heard me when I said “it hurts”, and for whatever reason (long standing issues w/ this), I couldn’t bring myself to tell him to stop so I just pretended everything was fine. He finished, soon after we parted ways for the day.

It’s such a minor, stupid event, but it just triggered something in me. Obviously I don’t fault him for anything, he didn’t know I was having a bad time of it. But after like 4 hours, I was in a coffee shop with my friend eating some food and I thought about this morning and I just felt like turning inside out. I don’t exactly feel violated, I just hate myself for being a coward who couldn’t speak up. And I got to thinking of all the other times I couldn’t speak up, and then worse, all the times before that when I’d tried to and it had just ended poorly for me. And then the times that I’d tried to explain to men who professed to love me this issue I have with saying “no” or “stop”, which is pretty much rooted in history of those requests being ignored, and each of them told me they didn’t really want to hear about that.

I don’t really understand what it was about that line of mental inquiry that provoked the intense need to rid myself of everything I’d just eaten... I wasn’t feeling physically ill about it, I just needed to purge. So I did, and it didn’t help at all but at least I’m empty now. I can’t even drink water right now without immediately wanting to purge it.

I’d forgotten the strange, familiar pleasantness of this suffering — the shivering, the knots in my stomach, the lightheadedness. Honestly I don’t really care if I start purging or restricting again as long as bingeing doesn’t enter the picture. Or cutting. Can’t have anyone know about this.

[Help] Currently being forced to get all you can eat Korean bbq
Created: Sat Oct 28 15:01:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ckno/currently_being_forced_to_get_all_you_can_eat/
Every bite makes me want to kill myself. How do I get through this? :(

[Help] benefits of water pills?
Created: Sat Oct 28 14:47:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79chu8/benefits_of_water_pills/

[Rant/Rave] First day of fast and way more exercise!
Created: Sat Oct 28 14:27:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79cdum/first_day_of_fast_and_way_more_exercise/
I weighed in at 132.5 today and at 5’2” that’s unacceptable, so I’m starting a fast again today! It’s usually difficult to fast because I’m a T1D and my blood sugar drops to really low levels but I’m going to try to work around that by lowering my insulin levels significantly so I can lose weight faster.

I’ve already done 40 crunches today (20 regular crunches, 20 twist crunches) and just did a wallsit for a minute. I’m excited to keep this up throughout the day. I’m hoping to be down to 100 lbs by January 1st and I’m not going to give up!

Told my mom about my ED and she recommended me to go on a diet and to stop “obsessing over food” so I’m doing just that lol.

[Discussion] What BMI do you think MOST people look best at?
Created: Sat Oct 28 13:46:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79c5kg/what_bmi_do_you_think_most_people_look_best_at/

[Discussion] Do any of you guys think you'll magically stop losing fat and just be stuck at the same weight with no choice but to starve for nothing?
Created: Sat Oct 28 13:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79c3h1/do_any_of_you_guys_think_youll_magically_stop/

[Help] my worst binge ever. everything hurts. can't sleep i'm so full. please help.
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~129 gw~115]
Created: Sat Oct 28 13:03:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79bwwz/my_worst_binge_ever_everything_hurts_cant_sleep/
last night i binged. i had pizza with a friend last night, and i planned to only have 3 or so pieces. which is a lot, but under my tdee bc i fasted most the day beforehand.

but in the middle of the day i fucked up. i was with my bf and i decided i could eat one cookie. and i did, i only had one. but that one cookie fucked me over so hard. i didn't plan to eat it, and the thought of how badly i had fucked up lingered in the back of my head all day.

so when it finally came to eating with my friend, i had 6 slices of pizza, and some carrot cake. which put me basically at my tdee.

and then later when i got home, my mum had bought pizza earlier that she said was in the fridge if i wanted any. and that was it for me, binge mode activated. i had three slices of that pizza, a chocolate-covered ice cream bar, and a huge thing of pound cake covered in whipped cream. i'm not gonna count how many calories, but probably pushing 4000 total for the day.

and i felt so sick. i thought i was gonna throw up, not bc i wanted to, but bc i felt so sick. i couldn't sleep. i would wake up every 45 minutes in pain, my stomach feeling like it was gonna explode, and i just felt so weak and ugh.

now i've woken up and i just feel so dead. my throats kinda hurts. i feel kinda sick. my stomach still feels like it's gonna explode. moving hurts so bad. i can't find it in me to believe its gonna be ok, that i can start over today. i'm supposed to hang out with my bf tonight. i don't know what to do. how am i supposed to recover from this?

i was doing so well. finally under 128, essentially having made my halloween goal. i can't even cry, i feel so emotionless and dead.

edit~ went downstairs and realized i also ate a couple hundred calories worth of cookies i forgot about goddammit. what is wrong with me. i didn't use to be like this.

edit 2~ on the upside, a massive bm happened thanks to all the food in my stomach, first bm in a week :)

[Help] Calories from chewing&spitting?
/u/carlems [5'2| CW: 101,8 | GW: 97 | -19]
Created: Sat Oct 28 12:18:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79bnki/calories_from_chewingspitting/
Sooo I've gone to the next level in the game of The Fucked Up ED and just c/s for the first time my binge food, a Snickers (243 calories) and a chocolate bar (495). Even though I spat out everything I could, I know a part of their calories are still consumed in me.. so does someone have any idea how much that (approx.) would be?

[Goal] Love my progress board. It’s helped so much. I’ve lost 14 lbs and 2” all around in 8 weeks 😍. My goal is to lose 20 more by the time it’s filled out.
/u/dbk1982 [5'2" 35F |SW 214 | CW 200 | LW 140| UGW 115]
Created: Sat Oct 28 12:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79bln4/love_my_progress_board_its_helped_so_much_ive/

[Rant/Rave] Even when on the struggle bus, take time for self care when you can
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 12:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79bl1z/even_when_on_the_struggle_bus_take_time_for_self/
I’m deep in struggle bus relapse territory and hating this fake maintenance crap but despite the anxiety of resting and giving myself a break, I’m doing it. None of us deserve this, so in the moments when self care pops up as an idea, take it sometimes. I’m in bed trying to not freak the fuck out for planning to not listen to my ED for 36 hours. It’s been the usual 6 days of massive restriction and I’ve been active for literally more than 24 hours in the past day (hit 100,000 steps for the first time...win? ED says yes). It sounds crazy to attempt to balance self care with ED which is by definition self destructive but we all deserve some harm mitigation. I’ve felt so alone for years and while I’m better than my worst, I’m not at my best but I have this community to thank for making me feel less alone in all that is my daily struggle.

[Rant/Rave] Meds
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 11:42:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79bfve/meds/
I've been on Zoloft since April... well supposed to have been except I've sucked at taking it the past month-2 months. Trying to take it regularly again and pros: it KILLS my appetite so heckya. Cons: I. Am. So. Tired. And I'm a server at a fast-paced restaurant so I need all the energy (I've never been a coffee/caffeine/energy drink person). SOS trying to get through this first week back on regularly and then I should wake up.

[Tip] Suzie’s Thin Puffed Cakes make a delicious 70 calorie sandwich 🤗
/u/dbk1982 [5'2" 35F |SW 214 | CW 200 | LW 140| UGW 115]
Created: Sat Oct 28 11:41:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79bfs7/suzies_thin_puffed_cakes_make_a_delicious_70/

[Other] Counting calories is way easier when I just don’t eat
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -70 | 31F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 10:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ayyl/counting_calories_is_way_easier_when_i_just_dont/

[Rant/Rave] Disgusted.
Created: Sat Oct 28 10:10:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79ax9j/disgusted/
I got wasted last night and ate a fried chicken sandwich in the bar bathroom. Tried to throw it up immediately..but I think I was just too drunk. I’m really pissed at myself and I hope it doesn’t derail my restriction process. I’ve been eating very little, but I guess I binged a little bit yesterday. I’m just gonna fast all weekend. Sorry for the vent. It looks like I put on more flab just from yesterday.

[Discussion] Most Beautiful Sports for Slender Bodies?
/u/i-cannot-tell-you [5' 0"| 106 | 21.8 | -35 | f]
Created: Sat Oct 28 10:03:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79avqe/most_beautiful_sports_for_slender_bodies/

[Discussion] October 28th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 09:37:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79aqoa/october_28th_2017_question_of_the_day/
What do you think is completely ridiculous?

[Rant/Rave] Last night a girl I like noticed me
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1|CW 200|GW 110|-20|22/M]
Created: Sat Oct 28 08:24:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79acu7/last_night_a_girl_i_like_noticed_me/
I've been talking to this girl who is way too beautiful for me to even be on her radar;
But last night she said "everytime I talk to you, you've forgotten to eat."
My heart soared, I was so proud. I worried that I'd be found out, but mostly I felt like I may deserve attention from people like her someday.
How messed up is that?

[Rant/Rave] I’m not doing this for any guy
Created: Sat Oct 28 07:53:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79a7lh/im_not_doing_this_for_any_guy/

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else here fat? I feel embarrassed even posting, like I'm not skinny enough to fast or purge.
Created: Sat Oct 28 07:01:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/799z6d/is_anyone_else_here_fat_i_feel_embarrassed_even/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! October 28, 2017
Created: Sat Oct 28 06:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/799ryd/stupid_questions_saturday_october_28_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for October 28, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 28, 2017
Created: Sat Oct 28 06:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/799rsa/daily_food_diary_october_28_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] This morning I've been binging so much...
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 03:56:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/799c1a/this_morning_ive_been_binging_so_much/
on tea and studying for my masters course!! hope everyone is having an ok day and if its not going so swell right now that it will turn around soon <3 I'm feeling quite positive today so if anyone needs some cheering up or help, feel free to dm me <3 <3

[Rant/Rave] Started my 48h fast at 57.1kg...
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57.1kg | BMI 18.86 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 03:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7998o0/started_my_48h_fast_at_571kg/

[Help] strong appetite suppressants that work for you guys?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Sat Oct 28 02:58:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7995my/strong_appetite_suppressants_that_work_for_you/

[Rant/Rave] Just saw a picture of myself...
/u/bigfaninasmallworld [5 feet 🍰 | CW: 88 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | UGW: 98 lbs | 20 F 🍒 |]
Created: Sat Oct 28 02:42:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7993za/just_saw_a_picture_of_myself/

[Discussion] Anyone with anxiety induced/restriction insomnia? What are you up to?
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Sat Oct 28 00:52:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/798ruy/anyone_with_anxiety_inducedrestriction_insomnia/
What do you do when you just can’t sleep and all you’re thinking about is food? Normal person would say eat, I say...elliptical with loud music to block out the noise. How do you occupy a busy brain?

[Thinspo] Non-ED movies or TV series with super skinny actresses?
Created: Sat Oct 28 00:42:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/798qry/noned_movies_or_tv_series_with_super_skinny/
TW: substance abuse mentioned

So I don't condone this behavior or encourage others to normalize it and I don't think any of us do. I figure we're all here not necessarily to embrace but accept our neuroses and discuss our lives without persecution.

With that disclaimer out of the way, I need to see some skinny bitches. :| It's a fiendish need too.., kinda reminiscent of that feeling of needing another bump of coke... and another and another and how'd I end up here?! 8 hours later

I've been up scrolling through Instagram and it's basically the same low quality, grainy posts over and over. I quit Tumblr for good a while ago and I'm not interested in diving back into that community.

Right now I just want to unwind with a movie and while still fulfilling my thinspo obsession. I've seen all ED related features about a million times already. Fringe stuff like Girl, Interrupted and lifetime mush included.

Do you have any suggestions? Thanks birds.

XOXO be safe and remember you're LOVED (srs)

[Discussion] Thanksgiving plans?
/u/lordjoji [5'3" | CW: 105 | 19.11 | CGW: 100 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 23:13:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/798fbq/thanksgiving_plans/
As the title asks, what are those in the U.S. planning to do for Thanksgiving this year? I still haven't decided whether I want to water fast for a week beforehand so I can eat "normally" with my family (normal for them is a 1000 cal meal) or just stick to a 200-500 cal plan and tell them that I've gone vegetarian or something to get out of eating some of the foods. Also, I'm a college student in a state far away from my family so I'm a bit nervous about explaining my weight loss to them and especially to my mother who is already worried about me :/

[Help] Trying to get to 115 pounds on November 24th (check out my diet plan and please tell me this will work lol)
Created: Fri Oct 27 22:13:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7986xm/trying_to_get_to_115_pounds_on_november_24th/

[Rant/Rave] I can't keep ED voice contained when I drink
/u/CeciNestPasOP [5'8" | CW 127 | 19.3 | HW 165 | LW 112 | 22F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 21:56:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7984am/i_cant_keep_ed_voice_contained_when_i_drink/
So I finally made an account and stopped lurking because I have a rant, and I feel like y'all are the only ones that will not judge me for this.

Last weekend I went to a party with my girlfriend, who is 1) the most amazing person I have ever met, and 2), a professional model and fittingly stunning. I kind of always feel undeserving of her, but the past few weeks especially so. I also don't drink much normally, and am 10-15 pounds down since the last time I was drunk. Add me trying to keep up with her freakish alcohol tolerance, and I do not remember most of the night. I do know I was over the toilet for a lot of it.

Highlights from what I *do* remember include: obsessing loudly to GF (between heaves) that I am four pounds away from being underweight, thus "four pounds away from deserving you", yelling "you can't make me eat" repeatedly, and trying to induce vomiting in front of her.

She has been wonderful, understanding, and supportive ever since, but holy shit am I embarrassed. Out of curiosity, does anyone else's ED thoughts spill out when drunk?

[Discussion] DAE wish they could have a pro-ed friend IRL??
/u/water_77 [🍀🌺🍀]
Created: Fri Oct 27 21:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79827h/dae_wish_they_could_have_a_proed_friend_irl/
Honestly the online friends doesn't do it for me anymore. I really wish I could have an ED best friend or something. Or at least a health junkie who isn't afraid to push the limits.

Ate today
/u/itsmeandthemoon [5'3 | 279 | 50.79 | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 27 20:42:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/797str/ate_today/

[Rant/Rave] Envy
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.2 | -27.8 | F | G: 99]
Created: Fri Oct 27 20:27:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/797qdy/envy/
October hasn't been a good month for me. With each day my appetite increases and I'm having a very difficult time keeping any food in the house. Honestly, I can't even make it that far. Too many times I buy food and then immediately eat it, no matter where I am. It's like I lose all sense.

I just came home from an outing. We had a large dinner and I finished my meal. A couple of the guys I was with wanted to get more food and I really wanted to join them but I knew I couldn't - I didn't want them to think that I was a fat fuck having dinner after having dinner. I hate this double standard, where it's ok for a guy to do it, but it's not ok for a girl.

During my commute home I saw a girl standing casually by the door holding a pizza box. I kept looking at her wondering how she was able to not care about the food inside the box. I mean, multiple times I've asked for my left overs to be wrapped up, only to shove the food in my mouth as soon as I was out of the restaurant. I binge in public often...

After I got off the train immediately I went to a pizza store and ordered 3 slices of pizza. I ate one slice on my way home and I just finished eating the other 2. If I had money I'd go downstairs and get Mexican food, but dinner excluding pizza was $130 - it was supposed to be $40. Fuck me. I'm **still famished** but I can't afford food.

I feel like my stomach is an endless pit.

I just don't understand how the girl could be so casual with the pizza box...

[Discussion] Had a binge and feeling terrible
/u/Swarelle [5'3" | CW: 57.5kg | GW: 50kg]
Created: Fri Oct 27 20:25:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/797q3v/had_a_binge_and_feeling_terrible/
Mostly physically (I haven't been this full in a long time...), at least I've been getting better about feeling guilty and discouraged! I'm happy that I'm moving towards a supportive and self-caring attitude...

BUT I just wish this ~2500 calorie overconsumption won't ruin a week's worth of self control, and dang my stomach has been feeling bloated for like two hours now.

I'd love to hear if you all have experienced this, how you got over the physical and psychological suckiness, and if it had a big impact on your weight in the short run!

[Discussion] Do you guys eat after purging dinner?
Created: Fri Oct 27 20:13:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/797o08/do_you_guys_eat_after_purging_dinner/

[Rant/Rave] very happy (:
Created: Fri Oct 27 19:59:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/797lry/very_happy/
i started my new job today. ive been feeling so insecure i was terrified everyone would hate me, but everyone was so cool. i was also worried i was going to pass out since i haven't eaten in a few days and that has happened to me many times in the past, but i felt fantastic the entire time (other than feeling pretty faint on the drive home). it's a super fast paced environment so i was moving around a lot. i wish i could have had my phone on me bc i'd really like to have counted my steps; i know i burned sooooo many calories. this job is going to be so great for me, i couldn't be more excited.

[Rant/Rave] So much of my hair just fell out
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 18:38:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7977zv/so_much_of_my_hair_just_fell_out/
I'm dying my hair tonight (more like tinting it)

I dread showers because of the amount of hair that always end up sloughing off and going down the drain. It was especially bad today, despite eating 800 calories a day lately.

It was such a massive clump. And it just kept going and going. The more time I spent in there, the more than came out.

Then, I had to brush my hair very lightly with a comb for the dye to get all the way through... it was a nightmare. So. Much. Hair. Was wrapped around the comb.

I'm so sick of this. I used to have big beautiful naturally wavy hair. Now it's flat and barely curls. I have a receding hairline. I'm so pissed.

I need to recover, but I'm so scared. So fucking scared.

[Discussion] Who else prefers wearing more revealing clothes?
/u/fruitandfood [🦊 5'7" | 129.4 | 20.2 | F 🌻]
Created: Fri Oct 27 18:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7976ls/who_else_prefers_wearing_more_revealing_clothes/
I *way* prefer summer and wearing short shorts and baggy cropped shirts, I feel like they are just way more flattering

Even this week, I was crazy bloated but I still wore short shorts and just huge jackets to cover the bloat

I've also gained a bit of weight, so most of my jeans don't fit, so I'm basically wearing shorts until then anyway and putting on jeans right now will just ruin my entire day

also, i have a pretty big chest compared to my body which I really like, so I feel like I can draw some attention from the rest of me by showing that lol

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Dinner was such a mistake!
/u/FruitandBone [5'3 |*face palm* | -8lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 18:26:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7975yj/rant_dinner_was_such_a_mistake/
I've been fasting or eating <350 cals a day for the past week. Today, my boyfriend wanted to go to dinner. Cue me stopping to get a breakfast sandwich on the way home from work, because my day will be fucked anyway. Well the cheese on that sandwich was so good, I wanted more. So I ate 300 cals of cheese popcorn when I got home. Two hours later I'm at dinner shoving gravey fries and beer in my face.
TMI, but there was immediate evacuation from below. Also on the way home I almost puked on the bus because I was so full. I did end up purging a bit when I made it home (which I never do). Now I just feel terrible. Why can't I just enjoy a nice dinner out? Apparently self sabatoge is a higher priority...balls

[Help] Anyone want to teach a noob about EC stacking?
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | SW: 130 | CW: ~125 | GW: small | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 18:18:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7974js/anyone_want_to_teach_a_noob_about_ec_stacking/

[Discussion] Wow that was a low point
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [164cm | 15 | lmfao | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 27 18:14:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7973uf/wow_that_was_a_low_point/
Yesterday I bought cookies so I could b/p ‘cause I had a shit day. I did as much as I could but still had a few cookies left so I decided to spray them with deodorant so I wouldn’t be able to eat them the following day... which is today

Guess what my dumb ass just tried... lesson learned.

Have any of you had moments like these too? Please tell me I’m not alone

Also, my mouth is burning I am concerned

Created: Fri Oct 27 17:54:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796zip/funyuns/

[Rant/Rave] This could be easy
Created: Fri Oct 27 17:22:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796tk4/this_could_be_easy/
Anyone else here find that they lose weight relatively quickly when they really try. In a good week I could lose more than I would have thought possible.
Also if you lived alone do you think you would reach your goal weight quicker. When I’m around my family I cannot stop eating shit but a few days alone and I could go without temptation completely.

[Discussion] Does anyone else eat a lot of fast food
Created: Fri Oct 27 17:20:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796t94/does_anyone_else_eat_a_lot_of_fast_food/
I know a lot of you guys eat prepackaged foods and junk food, but I’m wondering how many eat fast food and trust the calories.

I eat a lot of fast food and at first it was really hard to trust the calories but I got comfortable with it. However now I am back to worrying about how much I can trust the nutrition facts when of course it depends on who is making it.

My favorite lately is noodles and company, I get the bbq pork Mac and a half order of garlic bread and according to the website it is 980 cals. It always fills me up and I love it so the fact that I am starting to second guess the calories is driving me crazy.

I also really like Taco Bell too and can fit 3-4 things in under 1200 cals.

Does anyone else trust the calories??
I’m hoping so cause these are my favorite foods and make fasting all day worth it.

[Rant/Rave] Trying to get back on track.
Created: Fri Oct 27 16:52:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796nnl/trying_to_get_back_on_track/
I fucked up last night. I binged and purged everything in site. Then I did it this morning. So, I called out of work and slept all day. I'm going to do a 24-48 hour fast because fuck me.
And, to top it off, half of my back tooth broke off last night.
I feel so alone and disgusting. I don't even want to leave the house to have a cigarette. I don't have anyone irl to talk to about this shit.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

On mobile, please tag appropriately?

[Intro] First post here, hi!
/u/skyofAuroras [5'10" | CW: 124lbs | GW: 118lbs |19F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 16:41:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796lie/first_post_here_hi/
So I've bee lurking this sub for a while and finally decided to introduce myself. I've been having eating problems since I was about 16 (restricting, binging, and fasting rarely). Currently 19, second year college student, and living at home with my parents and family. Just looking for like minded people and you all seem nice. So have you all been?

[Rant/Rave] People Have Been Noticing I Haven't Eaten
/u/bunntendo [Height | CW128 | BMI20 | WeightLost32 | GenderNB]
Created: Fri Oct 27 16:35:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796kgk/people_have_been_noticing_i_havent_eaten/

[Rant/Rave] “No offense, but....”
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Fri Oct 27 16:28:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796j4m/no_offense_but/

[Rant/Rave] Haha guess who’s seriously fucked 😎😎
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [164cm | 15 | lmfao | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 27 15:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/796bek/haha_guess_whos_seriously_fucked/
Ya girl has a chance to get the super intensive therapy treatment she needs for her depression... but, if I wanna follow this treatment I’m not allowed to have an eating disorder! Ha! Kill me!

So the place I go to for my current therapy treatment plan is this big mental health service. It’s like, super top-notch, they know their shit. And my psychologist + psychiatrist decided what we’re doing now isn’t really helping soooooo, they introduced me to the clinic part of the service which is basically a treatment plan where you live with other patients and staff for roughly 9 months. But you 🙃 are 🙃 not 🙃 allowed 🙃 to 🙃 have 🙃 an 🙃 eating disorder if u wanna join 🙃🙃🙃🙃 isn’t 🙃 that 🙃 wonderful 🙃

They have a similar rule regarding self harming. They tolerate it, but if you do it you must report it to the staff. But you must cover it up so other patients don’t get triggered. There’s no way to hide an ED when you see everyone you live with on a daily basis AND have to have meals with the other patients.

I fkn love getting fucked in the ass by my ED it’s so great 👌🏻

[Discussion] I work multiple jobs just so I won't eat...anyone else?
Created: Fri Oct 27 15:39:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79692e/i_work_multiple_jobs_just_so_i_wont_eatanyone_else/
Most people who work multiple jobs do it for the income and due to their busy schedules are too busy to eat or even "forget" to eat sometimes.

I work multiples jobs just so I won't eat and it keeps me away from food. I have a great full time job that I make a living on and don't really need to work other positions. But because of my ED, I've rationalise in my head that: BUSY = NO TIME = NO FOOD = THIN.

Guys..I'm tired of putting almost 95 hours + per week. But it just makes so much sense and it's actually made me loose a ton of weight. Anyone else in this predicament?

[Discussion] What are your favourite single serving recipes?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'6 | CW: repulsive| 20ish ? | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 14:52:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/795z5d/what_are_your_favourite_single_serving_recipes/
I love baking but the problem is I either eat all of it or none of it, so I was wondering if you guys have relatively low calorie (I'm thinking > 200) dessert recipes like cookies or brownies.

Looking for recipes on Pinterest is a bit of a headache as they're all relatively high cal or include 'uncommon' ingredients.

Panicking bc I can't purge lol
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 135|CW 131|GW 115| F21]
Created: Fri Oct 27 14:50:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/795yo1/panicking_bc_i_cant_purge_lol/

[Discussion] Do you ever feel kind of relieved when your food sucks?
/u/greatideaxoxo [5'2" | 124.6lbs | BMI:22.8 | GW:100lbs ]
Created: Fri Oct 27 14:40:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/795whu/do_you_ever_feel_kind_of_relieved_when_your_food/
I reluctantly bought a tray with grapes, carrots, cheese and pretzels today, and when I opened it everything was spoiled and mushy. So I ended up only eating a tiny portion of it. I was secretly glad. I only bought it because I'm at work and my coworkers would ask me why I'm not eating.

[Other] Felt voracious all day, binged, then I pondered why...
/u/RedxLoaf [5'7" | 158lbs | 40lbs Lost | 24F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 14:18:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/795rpr/felt_voracious_all_day_binged_then_i_pondered_why/
...until I remembered that I had forgotten to take my ADHD medication. I sat awake at 10 pm just stunned. Without this pill, my appetite is really this intense??

When I'm on my meds, sure I get hungry, but it's very manageable. Even when my stomach growls I don't feel hungry per say, just annoyed more than anything.

Yesterday I ate like I was on fire and food was water. I just thought I was pre-period and behaving like a fat ass, but holy shit. This is what it's like without these meds? I have 0 self control without my pills.

Definitely a reality check.

After that, my SO and I ordered a month's supply of Soylent to drink instead of eating food. I hope I can cure my food fixation by treating it as fuel. 800 cals a day for the next 30 days! I'll be at my 2nd goal weight if I keep it up. :)

Wish me luckkk~

[Help] Subs for carbs?
/u/dipped_in_gold_ [5'3 | CW 117 lbs | GW 105 | 22F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 13:59:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/795naj/subs_for_carbs/
(Mods: feel free to delete if not allowed; I wasn't sure if this would fall too close to dieting tips or not)

I love carbs, like an excessive amount. The majority of my evening meals consist of pasta and bread, and Italian is my favorite type of food. I know I can't keep eating all this stuff, and I know how bad it is, but I haven't been able to find anything to satisfy these cravings.

Does anyone have suggestions of low(er)-cal subs for these kinds of foods? Or any ideas of how to wean myself of them?

[Intro] Boyfriend found out about my other alt and this sub.
Created: Fri Oct 27 13:40:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/795j2i/boyfriend_found_out_about_my_other_alt_and_this/

[Rant/Rave] Cold office rant
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 114 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 11:41:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/794rup/cold_office_rant/
Just needed someone to talk to about some things. Tired of complaining to my boyfriend. And I know you all can relate so here goes.

So during lunch I put another shirt on under my sweater and you can sort of see it peeking out and I feel like people are gonna notice and say something (but they probably won't, right?) and I also feel like I'm suffocating. But I should totally just not gaf, right? Because I am warm for once and that's all that matters?

My job wants me to use the company card to purchase a lab coat so I'll stop wearing my winter coat in the office but I absolutely refuse to wear one of those hideous things so I'm just trying to secretly wear more/ warmer clothes and act like everything's fine.

I'm not crazy, right? Everything is fine? I definitely feel a little crazy.

[Help] What are you doing against hypoglycemia?
Created: Fri Oct 27 10:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7947xu/what_are_you_doing_against_hypoglycemia/
I experience hypoglycemia quite often when I'm going on low calories (without having diabetes btw. I got that checked). I don't want to eat more, but then I have to, because I'm all shakey and my head is feeling numb/dumb. And if I get it, I start eating to get rid of it, but it takes a while until the sugars get into the blood, which is why I overeat then...

How do you treat hypoglycemia when it happens? I'm sure I can't be the only one?

[Rant/Rave] Was doing so good, and now...
/u/religiousdogmom [5'5.75 | CW157.6 | GW105 | BMI 25.53 | 25]
Created: Fri Oct 27 10:05:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79471v/was_doing_so_good_and_now/
So I went to Ohio last week to visit friends, and I had been doing so well with restricting. AND NOW, I just feel like every day I have fucked up. I've only gone over maintenance like once, but I have been eating maintenance most days. BUT my boyfriend is going out of town, so I think I am going to try and fast from noon on saturday through sunday. I just want to lose some weight before my asshole family sees me for holidays.

[Discussion] i love/hate fall so much
/u/bellexy [5'8 | tubbalub | -20 | GW 118]
Created: Fri Oct 27 09:49:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7943cx/i_lovehate_fall_so_much/
fall is my natural habitat. i love it so much. blustery and spooky and lovely.

but it's so bad for my self-esteem. i want to dress up for halloween but i'm too fat to look cute. i want to get new big giant cozy sweaters, but i don't deserve them and i'd look awful in them. i want to be a cute fall girl and i just... i'm not.

i love this season, but i feel like i'm missing out because of my weight. does anyone else feel this same anxiety?

[Discussion] The only thing that keeps me going is momentum
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 190 lb | GW: 120 lb | 22F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 09:48:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79431t/the_only_thing_that_keeps_me_going_is_momentum/
Does anyone else feel this way? If I'm fasting, or having good restriction, I don't want to break the streak. If I'm binging, I can't stop until I want to die. If I have a drink, I plow on through to shit faced.

Maybe if I actually lose weight I won't have the fuckin inertia

[Rant/Rave] New scale calibration issues
Created: Fri Oct 27 09:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/793z3d/new_scale_calibration_issues/

My SO broke the old scale by dropping it on the concrete and it wouldn't regster a weight, every time I got on, I was ten pounds lighter. I lost forty pounds stepping on and off the scale!

So now we have a new scale off Amazon and the reading changes everytime, and it puts me within a 5 lb range of my old scale which is sooooo frustrating because I've been doing better the last couple of days and wanted to track my progress.

I just want to lose 9 lbs by the 4th, which is totally doable with fasting, but how will I know if I've goten there IF MY SCALE ISN'T CONSISTENT?!?!

[Discussion] Does anyone else here have a phobia? Do you have more than one?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 09:28:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/793yjm/does_anyone_else_here_have_a_phobia_do_you_have/
I am (extremely unfortunately) terrified of vomiting. This in turn has made me terrified of planes and anything that can cause motion sickness. The airplane phobia has turned into its own thing now, where just even going near an airport gives me anxiety - even if I don't actually need to get on the plane. It's so incredibly inconvenient.

Does anyone else here have a phobia? More importantly - has anyone ever gotten rid of a phobia??

[Help] If I c/s every now and then will it affect my teeth?
/u/Banana-Ghost [169cm | CW 61kg | GW 54kg | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 09:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/793w9d/if_i_cs_every_now_and_then_will_it_affect_my_teeth/
I'm sorry to ask this but I feel that recently it's the only way to stay in my calorie count and not binge.

This doesn't happen often, I've done it twice - a few months ago and yesterday. I'm concerned that sometimes I can't get out of a binge cycle and yesterday was one of those feeling 'bingy' days so I c/s a baguette and I felt normal afterwards like it satisfied my hunger. I don't purge as well. How bad can it be if I do it say once a week?

[Discussion] Constant hunger headache?
/u/sadnddisordered [5'10.5 | 126 | 17.59 | -7 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 09:01:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/793sff/constant_hunger_headache/
How do you guys deal? I feel like I've tried everything, cigarettes, weed, water, motrin, the only thing that makes it go away is food.

[Help] Can someone help me out please?
Created: Fri Oct 27 06:46:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792zz6/can_someone_help_me_out_please/

[Rant/Rave] i binged again last night
Created: Fri Oct 27 06:40:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792yus/i_binged_again_last_night/

[Rant/Rave] When you're jealous of your cats weight loss
/u/agent_philcoulson [5'4" | CW: 140 | GW: 120]
Created: Fri Oct 27 06:14:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792ubk/when_youre_jealous_of_your_cats_weight_loss/
One of my cats is a norweigan forest cat. They are known for being on the huskier side. So my bf and I never cared that he was a little chubby.

He's going through some anxiety right now (issues that he developed due to his previous owner who didn't treat him right). Because of this he has lost some weight. He's a normal weight right now and I can't help but find myself jealous of him. When I get anxiety, I binge like crazy.

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! October 27, 2017
Created: Fri Oct 27 06:13:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792u10/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for October 27, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 27, 2017
Created: Fri Oct 27 06:12:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792u07/daily_food_diary_october_27_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] How do you get off of a plateau?
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63 kg | BMI: 23.4 | -20.5 kg | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 05:55:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792r0z/how_do_you_get_off_of_a_plateau/
So I've been on a plateau for about 2 or 3 weeks now and I'm annoyed. I wanted to fast for a week to get off of this plateau but I can't because every damn weekend someone else is celebrating their birthday. And eating "regularly" has caused me to binge every 2 days. So I didn't gain but I didn't lose either.

What do you guys do to get off of plateaus? Just wait? Fast? Please tell me.

[Discussion] October 27th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 05:55:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792qwf/october_27th_2017_question_of_the_day/
What was the last goofy thing you did?

[Discussion] Does anyone else get terrible anxiety when restricting?
Created: Fri Oct 27 05:47:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792pqs/does_anyone_else_get_terrible_anxiety_when/

[Help] Changes in sleeping patterns?
/u/janesavage [167 cm | nope kg | 55 kg | 50 kg | 18F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 05:22:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792lxx/changes_in_sleeping_patterns/
I've been restricting the past week or two (partly intentionally, partly out of a lack of appetite), and this week I've fallen into a habit of going to bed at my usual time (9-10 PM) but waking up anywhere between 1 and 4 in the morning instead of 6, which has been my natural waking time for the past several years. I probably wouldn't even mind it, but for I can hardly ever fall back asleep.
Of course, post hoc ergo propter hoc and all that jazz, but I was wondering if anyone else has noticed a similar result while restricting.

[Rant/Rave] *Over 100 hours thanks
/u/bagelzboi [5'3 | CW:85bs | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 05:02:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/792iwe/over_100_hours_thanks/

[Goal] 4 and a 1/2 lbs to go!
/u/fuckwit_charlie [5'2 | CW: 81.5 lbs | GW: 77 lbs | BMI: 16.24 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 03:46:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7928ec/4_and_a_12_lbs_to_go/
Woke up this morning after taking some lax (I have long term bowel issues unrelated to my ED) and had the biggest BM ever. Weighed myself and I’m 81.5 lbs! Not only is it my LW, I’ve only got 4.5 lbs before I’m at my GW!!

Rewarded myself with weetabix and banana, my favourite safe food, don’t even care!!

Sorry for the bragging, I’m just so happy with myself!

UPDATE: got too carried away and had ice cream and chocolate to celebrate.. that was an extra 400 calories I could have done without 😂😭🔫

[Rant/Rave] Going to a drop in session to get advice on how to recover and I'm terrified
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 125 | 21.4 | GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Fri Oct 27 02:17:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791xcm/going_to_a_drop_in_session_to_get_advice_on_how/
I feel sick guys. I was told by my gp to come back today to go and see a group of ED survivors to get tips on getting better. Except I'm still a normal weight and I've been eating well these past two days.

I'm so scared I'll be told I'm faking it and cause I hate lying to my girlfriend I have to go please help me feel less anxious.

[Rant/Rave] what is wrong with me?
Created: Fri Oct 27 02:00:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791v8e/what_is_wrong_with_me/
ok. this is going to be a long rambling post. fair warning.

I didn't care about my weight for the longest time, always hovering between 100-115 naturally. Regardless, everyone always liked to tell me I was so skinny; though, that's probably due to the fact that most of my weight was hidden on my stomach and clothes and also because the majority of people around me were nearing overweight BMI when I look back at it. After 2 years of college, I was finally pushing 120 due to the dining halls so I thought to lose weight.

I just started skipping one meal a day and dropped to 115 but I wanted to get back to 100. This was about 1.5 years ago. I hit 100 about 2 months ago, but I've reverted back to 108. I thought losing weight was simple and easy; in a way, it is. I counted calories and the weight followed. But I don't know why. These past months, I just can't stop eating. Like I all I think about is food, but when I eat it, I'm not satisfied so I just keep eating, thinking it'll fill something in me? Like, sometimes I feel lonely but I have friends and I feel fine most of the time. I don't think it's emotional eating, and it's not always stress eating. I KNOW I'm not hungry yet I keep eating. Why? It's so frustrating since I know what I'm supposed to be doing to be at whatever weight I want but my body isn't listening. I feel gross when I overeat but then I always end up doing it the next day; it doesn't matter if I only keep healthy food in my house because I still overeat it on it. I don't know about anyone else, but I can totally binge on chicken breasts and broccoli.

I was completely fine a few months ago. What happened? I don't know if there's something physically wrong with me; I haven't had my period in 3 months. I've always had irregular periods, and my doctors never thought it was a problem before. My last check up was fine. I was exercising for the most part until recently because of an injury but I used to never exercise and I never felt this out of control before. For the past couple weeks, all I've been doing is eating and sleeping and I have no motivation for anything. I spend like 30 minutes every day arguing with myself to go to my classes, to do my homework, to study, to just be normal. I just want the semester to be over so I can have time to be a fucking loser and be in bed all day, but I know if I don't try for the rest of the semester, I won't even be able to do that without feeling guilty. I think I should talk to a doctor but I've never talked to one about this, and I don't know the first place to start. I want to be able to fix this myself; I'm giving myself until the end of the year to see if I'll "become better" since I'll be under better insurance by then.

I don't know what to do. Why do I keep thinking about food when I don't even enjoy eating it anymore? I used to be able to go a whole day without food because there's so many things more interesting than eating all the time so why can't I stop? I feel like I can't even function as normal anymore and no one else around me seems to have similar problems. When I tangentially talk about my food issues, they're all like "you're so skinny! don't worry about it!" "treat yourself!" "food is worth it" "Why are you even worrying?" Why am I worrying about it why can't I stop it's just food shouldn't I be happy that I can afford to eat??

[Discussion] Do any of you "allow" yourself to binge for a few days before getting back to restricting??
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 125 | F | 22]
Created: Fri Oct 27 01:51:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791u3l/do_any_of_you_allow_yourself_to_binge_for_a_few/
I literally have been eating like 1400 cals every day this week (maintenance) and finally just binged yesterday. Thinking of "letting" myself just eat what I want today and tomorrow to erase some guilt (obv not all). It's worked for me before because I typically eat so much that I'm disgusted w/ food. I'm so disappointed. My last binge was August 9 so it was a good streak but I wanted to last until thanksgiving.

So has anyone been successful with allowing a couple days to binge then get back to restricting easily as well? For some reason I kind of just snap after binge and the self hate propels me forward. OR allowing myself to binge makes me feel like I'm still in control, so slipping into controlling restriction just seems natural? Idk. Curious about you all!

[Rant/Rave] Bosses intentionally trying to 'fatten me up sos
Created: Fri Oct 27 01:43:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791t2p/bosses_intentionally_trying_to_fatten_me_up_sos/
( spoiler: I'm not even that skinny lmao)

" how are you liking the full cream coffees I've been making you every morning? Hahaha "

... Oh, you mean the almond milk coffees I've been ordering...?

Very fucking not good thanks?! You know they make me feel sick not the mention the damn calories and fat, really explain why I can only drink a few sips before tipping it out :))


" here eat this donut you're too skinny " as if it isn't tough enough having to resist the frighten things

" I'll make you a vegetarian burger we have to fatten you up!"

"No one will want a skinny pastry chef!" Scuse me what

Can someone pls murder my bosses

[Rant/Rave] Wigging out over the Halloween party I'm co-hosting tomorrow.
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5"| -11.6lb | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 27 00:19:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791hl3/wigging_out_over_the_halloween_party_im_cohosting/
I ate ~1000 calories today, and feeling sick to my stomach. The rest of my week was great with less than 500cal/day. I was doing so well...

The get together should be fun, but there's going to be sooooo much good food and booze. I know I'm going to pig out and I won't be able to purge in time. Ugh...

Edit: And a disgusting 3am binge to top off the day. Just kill me now.

[Help] i'm just like...not losing weight?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Thu Oct 26 23:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791dw1/im_just_likenot_losing_weight/
okay, i know that my disordered ass isn't somehow breaking the laws of calories-in-calories-out, but like...i've been keeping below maintenance (and typically below 1,000) since i gave up on maintaining (lmao) and i haven't lost *any* weight in the last 2 weeks. i should've lost at least a pound or two. i was on my period last week and gained water weight, could that be it? idk, maybe i'm just looking for reassurance that i'll eventually lose the maintenance weight i gained ugh.

edit: uh wtf my stomach is so bloated and all i've eaten today were an apple, a carrot, and some espresso bean candy (ugh) this afternoon and then a sweet potato an hour ago, maybe i am just fat and disgusting.

[Thinspo] If every day was like today...
/u/lovelyannie [5’2” | 167 | 30.6 | -20lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 26 23:44:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791ckl/if_every_day_was_like_today/
(Flagged as thinspo because it’s inspiring to me, mods feel free to change it)

If every day was like today, I would lose 79lbs in 4 months.

I burned just under 3000 calories today according to my Fitbit, and only ate 650 calories. Which means I had a calorie deficit of 2300.

2300 calories * 120 days = 276000 calories lost over 120 days

276000 / 3500 = 78.86lbs lost in 120 days!

Could you imagine if I could actually keep that up every day for 120 days?!

[Rant/Rave] I always bake for guys I like but also have no self control, so guess who had to fish out pink vomit clogging up my sink pipes this week :’)
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Thu Oct 26 23:40:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791c1c/i_always_bake_for_guys_i_like_but_also_have_no/

[Rant/Rave] maybe I’ll just get so stuffed up I’ll be physically unable to eat
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 19bmi | -140 | 30F | AU]
Created: Thu Oct 26 23:19:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79190p/maybe_ill_just_get_so_stuffed_up_ill_be/
I haven’t had a BM in over 2 weeks

I’ve gained 5 pounds. That is all. I can hardly step on the scale. I just feel heavy, like a whale. I’m going out of my mind. Hitting my LW and not losing without eating much for a month. Like my body isn’t letting me do this anymore. I just had to vent I don’t expect anything good to come of this. I’m taking a crapton of fibre pills, the last time I took laxatives I got extremely sick (and it was NOT the first time) but it might come down to that, though I took just one last night

Anyway whatever


Edit: My lax kicked in like last night, the next morning (today), nothing crazy but yeah at least some stuff moved around.

[Discussion] does anyone want to join me in a five day fast starting today? (1 AM October 27)
Created: Thu Oct 26 23:04:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7916sz/does_anyone_want_to_join_me_in_a_five_day_fast/

[Tip] 🍓Frozen diced Strawberries🍓
Created: Thu Oct 26 22:49:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7914bw/frozen_diced_strawberries/
I love this so much it feels like a binge and it has 1 ingredient.
Get strawberries
Chop them up
Smush some with a fork (not all of them)
Freeze them until they are really cold but not completley frozen
Bam, done!
Do y'all have any dessert recipies

[Rant/Rave] I feel like everyone is judging me
Created: Thu Oct 26 22:46:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7913ui/i_feel_like_everyone_is_judging_me/
Currently trying to recover (been doing SO well this last week!). But I am really skinny... like very abnormally skinny. 5'5 and 93ish pounds but I look even skinnier than that.

But I walk around through my life constantly think about what everyone else think of me. I get the occasional comment that I am so skinny and should be a model.... and omg it's so fucking triggering. I used to thrive off it but now whenever someone comments on my weight I get so self concsious.

On the other hand I get some weird looks and I feel like everyone knows about my ed and it just makes me so uncomfortable. I can't lie when it's so fucking obvious.

Anyone else feel this way?

[Help] i feel paranoid about eating one of my few safe foods
/u/ci-fre [5' | 73 -74 lb | ~15-15.2 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 22:35:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79128v/i_feel_paranoid_about_eating_one_of_my_few_safe/
I'm so scared. Protein bars are my only safe foods (because of preparation, it's simpler for me to just eat them) so er, please don't tell me to start using whole foods and databases; it won't work.

and then. I noticed that Quest likes taking pretty photos of their bars and adding facts about the bars (eg "20g protein" "1 g sugar" on those images) on those photos. so I was checking out one of those photos for a 180-calorie bar... and the photo says "190 calories". I'm sure the bar is 180 calories because like, that's what the label says and that's what Quest's actual website says.

and then I was thinking... maybe I could contact the manufacturer. and then I did. but then no matter what they'd say, I'd feel so guilty. I get this voice in my head telling me that it's *not okay to log it as 180 calories* because it makes me *lazy and self-indulgent* when I could just *overestimate just in case* and I'm "bad" if I didn't. even when I logically know it's probably just a typo.

I really wish I could just count the bar as 180 but I feel like I don't have permission to do that anymore since it's supposed to be good practice to overestimate. Am I a bad logger if I ignore the photo and keep counting the bars as 180? Am I being one of those people that underestimates their foods and isn't logging calories careful enough? Is it okay to count them as 180? D; I'm getting panicked because Quest bars are one of the few safe foods I have anymore.

[Rant/Rave] Losing weight accidentally is the best
Created: Thu Oct 26 22:21:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/791002/losing_weight_accidentally_is_the_best/

[Help] I get so lonely at night :'(
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 21:45:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790ttw/i_get_so_lonely_at_night/
Like my title says ... Jeeeez okay. As much as I'd rather not be, I'm needy as fuck. Maybe it's because my mom would literally iGNORE ME for days when I was younger & now that I'm getting attention from people I LOVE it's like ... Can never get enough attention? (yikes I don't wanna be an attention seeker either)

Anyhow, as much as I wish I was more social, I'm really not. I have like, three friends + a great boyfriend, and that's really my social circle. School is fine, after school is fine, but evening sets in? Boom; instant, crippling lonliness and sadness. I really just wanna b/p the night away *every single night* to distract myself from the sadness /lonliness. I can't really talk to anyone since the BF is hanging out with his friends, and my other three friends are usually busy.

What's left to do? B/p obviously lol I'm a piece of trash. Anyways, I'm trying to play Pokemon or draw or something to get my mind off it, but it's always lingering. There's no way I'm associating with my family- that's the last thing I wanna do. I'm running out of ideas, and every night I'm feeling more inclined to say FUCK YOU SLEEP and b/p until school starts.

Help :'(

[Rant/Rave] binge cycle
Created: Thu Oct 26 21:36:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790sec/binge_cycle/

[Rant/Rave] Just got told by my doctor I have to stop losing weight or I can't have my mastectomy (ftm transgender)
Created: Thu Oct 26 21:35:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790s51/just_got_told_by_my_doctor_i_have_to_stop_losing/

[Discussion] I can't stop staring when people eat
Created: Thu Oct 26 21:31:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790rju/i_cant_stop_staring_when_people_eat/

[Discussion] I really need to get my shit together lmao
/u/tacehtelle [5"7 | 123.5 | ?? :( | idk lbs :( | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 26 21:27:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790qqn/i_really_need_to_get_my_shit_together_lmao/
Heres a list of everything wrong in my life rn

-I procrastinate (SO MUCH)

-its 9 pm and I havent studied for my (100 point) test tomorrow

-I have 2 mid terms next week and I cant even speak French at all.

-I have no skills?

-Seriously, the only thing I can do is juggle

-barely juggle

-my room is a constant mess


-I want to get more skills and strengthen my arms but Im just too lazy???

-I have been in a binge for literally 10 weeks?? (in my terms a binge is when ever I go over my wanted calorie limit
so rn its like 2k a day)

-my style is not where I want it to be (clothes lmao)

-I constantly feel so ugly and idk what to do

-i keep telling myself "tomorrow" but it never happens tomorrow

Has anyone ever been where I am right now? My life is literally a catastrophe rn and I need to get my act together but I just cant find any motivation to do anything besides netflix. Lol and plz dont comment something like "Just stop being lazy and put effort into your life" like yeah ik but I need motivation, calculations, and a steady schedule and i'm just looking for advice on how to make one.

[Rant/Rave] Goddammit
/u/nycthrowaway51 [5' 3" | CW: 95 | BMI: 16.8]
Created: Thu Oct 26 21:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790mwy/goddammit/
I was having a particularly rough day and after a week of successfully restricting, I caved and ate 1/3 of a container of frosting. With corn chips. Along with everything else I ate today, I'm definitely over by TDEE. Even though it's honestly probably not that much compared to binges I've had before, I'm really disgusted and frustrated with myself. Seriously, corn chips with frosting? Why?

[Discussion] DAR with a high BMI feel significantly smaller after having a low restriction day?
Created: Thu Oct 26 20:43:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790j9m/dar_with_a_high_bmi_feel_significantly_smaller/

[Help] Incline walking calories
Created: Thu Oct 26 19:44:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/790876/incline_walking_calories/
what do you guys log and for what times and incline? I'm doing the online calculators and they seem high!

[Rant/Rave] I just want everyone to watch her, because she has been an inspiration to me, and keeps me going.
/u/LoseItSister [5'4"| CW204 | BMI35 | GW150 | 30F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 19:24:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7904ep/i_just_want_everyone_to_watch_her_because_she_has/

[Rant/Rave] I’m full.
Created: Thu Oct 26 19:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7903xk/im_full/
I’m awful at hunger cues. Which usually ends in a whole pizza, sides, and then some grazing.

Not today.

Had an apple, crackers and hummus, and chocolate almond milk (might have gone overboard on the chocolate). Followed serving sizes and everything. And I feel fine. Hopefully this new superpower sticks?

^mobile can’t flair

[Help] I need some help here
Created: Thu Oct 26 19:18:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/79036w/i_need_some_help_here/
Okay so the thing is I have a thing called a deer leg ( little muscle too almost nothing ) and, I like running and riding my bike but ,with running my leg acts up and, my bike is broke and I can’t find any way to exercise in my house. So dose anyone know of anything I can do

[Discussion] opinions on full calorie drinks?
Created: Thu Oct 26 18:23:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78zsnr/opinions_on_full_calorie_drinks/
i loveeee naked juices and coffee energy drinks, but naked juices have like 290 calories per bottle and coffee energy drinks are around that. if i drink them i feel completely full so it's sooo easy to go very very long periods without eating, but i still feel guilty about those calories. :/ what are your guys opinions on it? any lower calorie substitutions?

edit: these drink calories are the only calories i'm consuming :)

[Help] Losing weight too fast
Created: Thu Oct 26 18:13:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78zqjm/losing_weight_too_fast/
Hey guys. I've been wanting to lose 10 pounds for fucking ever, and now in just two months I have lost 11. The first semester is almost over, but not close enough, and I'm worried I'm going to just keep losing and losing. By then, people might notice and I could be in a huge huge bout of trouble. I just don't know how to feel. I know that I could lose approximately eight more and not look like I'm dying, but then what? Honestly a lot of this might be reversed come December when I am back home.... Guys I just don't know what to do when I finally reach my minimum weight that doesn't look sickly. I don't know how the hell I am going to increase my calories to meet maintenance. I'm afraid if I do not come up with a plan I can actually stick too, I wont be able to stop losing. If the people in charge of my well-being notice this, I'll be taken out of school.

Guys I don't know, I have wanted to lose 10 pounds for YEARS and now I have and now what? When I saw my weight today, it felt more like oh fuck than oh yeah! I am just gonna eat some candy and not feel bad about it for now...I just don't know how to feel or what to do.

[Rant/Rave] Stressed and lost appetite, but I don't really feel bad about it.
/u/itsmeandthemoon [5'3 | 279 | 50.79 | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 26 18:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78zp51/stressed_and_lost_appetite_but_i_dont_really_feel/
I have a lot of stuff going on right now, including classes (midterm grades weren't the best), losing my apartment (I just learned this Monday and have to be out over the weekend), having to rehome my cats because I cannot bring them to my parents house (I'm hoping I can find someone to "cat sit" while I find another apartment and save money, however...) also I'm not getting any hours at my job and I need to be saving both for my bf to come visit (ldr) and to get another apartment now. I would love to find another job but I smoked weed at a homecoming party so I have to wait for that to get out of my system before the inevitable pee test they'll give me. Everything just seems to be piling up.

I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. This seems like a blessing right now for me, and I hope that this feeling never goes away because if I just wasn't hungry that would make this so much easier.

Edit: words are hard

[Intro] Well I told my therapist about the purging... I should probably introduce myself
/u/ihalfasseverything [5'4" | CW 166 | GW 118 | -36lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 17:44:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78zkfk/well_i_told_my_therapist_about_the_purging_i/
I've been lurking here a long time. Since I took the plunge and told my therapist about 20 years of on and off binge/purge cycles, restriction/purge cycles and a current hard relapse, I thought I should say hello to the community.

You are beautiful souls and your kind words and acceptance of all situations actually helped me find the courage to tell my therapist.

Thank you.

I'm in my mid-thirties (omg I'm so old...), a mom to two tiny humans, a runner (sometimes), a reader and I have a long-standing issue with using purging to avoid my feelings.

It started in grade school and now, here I am: a professional, a wife, a mother... an out of control mess. This relapse is ugly but I'm not ready for recovery yet. Restriction and purging most of what I do eat. I don't feel like myself in my body. Seriously, pregnancy f*cking ruined my body X 2. So, weight loss is a goal and balancing life, work and possibly an executive degree next year has me stressed right out. Let me have one thing... Just one thing to focus on and control.

Thanks for reading the wall of text. ❤️

[Other] Feel very alone
Created: Thu Oct 26 17:40:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78zjql/feel_very_alone/
This is my first time posting in this sub, so i'm trying not to break any rules, but i feel like this is the place to turn too, since support groups for ED in my area cost money

I'm a male with bulimia, i feel like such a outcast due to what the internet tells me that rarely males suffer from such a thing. I don't want to look like an asshole and be like "since being male is rare for bulimia, blah blah blah" i just feel alone, I started 2 years ago with stims and it got really bad after thanksgiving 2016, when i started puking everything and fasting. I lost probably 50-60 pounds until i finally stopped midway this year due to rehab. Well i'm starting up again, i just needed somewhere to vent, i'm just feeling low

Thanks everybody

[Rant/Rave] Got a free candy bar and I'm freaking out
Created: Thu Oct 26 17:26:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78zgvv/got_a_free_candy_bar_and_im_freaking_out/

[Other] Nothing makes me happy.
/u/mu-jorim [5'6 | hw 180 | cw 143 | lw 110 | gw 118]
Created: Thu Oct 26 16:33:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78z5hx/nothing_makes_me_happy/
Except losing weight. But I've been on a plateau for a month.

I don't want to leave the house.
I don't want to see anyone but my boyfriend and my cats.
I don't want anyone to see *me*.
I want to forget that my mom has cancer again.
I want to go just one whole day without my brain screeching at me that I'm a disease of a person who deserves nothing.
I want to be held and comforted, and I want to be left completely alone.
I want to feel comfortable depending on someone, but I want to be completely independent to show that I'm worth something.
I want someone to say I've done a good job and can rest.
I want to be loved, but I don't feel I deserve it.
I want to want nothing.

[Other] snapchat group??
Created: Thu Oct 26 16:27:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78z4b2/snapchat_group/

[Help] Will my ass be gone!?
Created: Thu Oct 26 16:23:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78z3ix/will_my_ass_be_gone/
My ugw is 110lbs. Will i still have an ass and boobs? Those are the only things i like about my body.

[Rant/Rave] Do any other 2nd gen/3rd gen Americans feel extra pressure to be thin?
Created: Thu Oct 26 16:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78z24z/do_any_other_2nd_gen3rd_gen_americans_feel_extra/
It's not even my parents.... but like when we go visit my family in Russia I don't want to be "that obese American". I don't want to be a stereotype. My cousins there, they're ballerinas. One is a model. And they're TINY. The one closest to my age is 5'8 and 100 lbs. I don't wanna be that fat American girl who eats barbecue and tacos, I want to be the skinny Russian girl who's a dancer.

[Help] Period, where you at? Do I need to worry?
Created: Thu Oct 26 16:02:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yyir/period_where_you_at_do_i_need_to_worry/

[Help] Foot Cramps
/u/untroubledbyaspark [SW:rubanesque|CW:skinnyBitch|GW:androgynousAlien]
Created: Thu Oct 26 15:20:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yp3w/foot_cramps/
Anyone else with restrictive ed get crazy foot cramps? I know I'm hydrated af, and I thought I was getting enough potassium but I'll have to get that checked out. Anything else cause this besides potassium deficiency or dehydration? It's a new thing, and it's been happening mostly while driving, which is a bitch.

Re: potassium, I don't like bananas. I understand raisins and potatoes are pretty high, but I will definitely not be eating that crap. I eat a lot of kale and other leafy stuff though, which is supposed to be good. Any other suggestions?

Edit: also drinking a lot of club soda, which has a good chunk of the ol' K.

[Rant/Rave] Whelp, I just broke a fast at 113hrs with 3 friggen donuts.
/u/Funktionierende [25F | 5'2" | CW131.2lbs | SW185lbs | GW100lbs | BMI24]
Created: Thu Oct 26 15:04:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yl86/whelp_i_just_broke_a_fast_at_113hrs_with_3/
Someone brought donuts in to work and I caved, hard. 900 calories in about fifteen minutes. Dammit. Guess I'm starting over now.... Hour 0. At least I broke through and weighed in below 130 this morning for the first time in my adult life. If I weigh more than 130 tomorrow because of this I'm going to be so mad. Guess I'm going to be hitting the gym hard tonight.

[Tip] Thank you to whoever shared Gerber puffs idea
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:55:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yiya/thank_you_to_whoever_shared_gerber_puffs_idea/
You are amazing. Here they are for whoever missed that post. I can't seem to dig up that link again. https://www.amazon.com/Gerber-Graduates-Strawberry-Naturally-Packaging/dp/B000FPM22Y?th=1

But literally, 25 calories for 60 of them. I feel like I'm snacking when I eat them, and I almost feel guilty until I remind myself it's only been 25 calories.

Something else I discovered in the gluten free section today is 0 calorie noodles. They're called miracle noodles. They come in a clear bag with water in it. They have 0 calories, and they are already cooked. Put some soy sauce on it (10), and it's amazing.

Also something else I found is really great is apple cider vinegar. Mix it with some flavored electrolyte drink and it kind of tastes like kombucha except it's 0 calories.

[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid to look at my weight
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:51:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yhxn/im_afraid_to_look_at_my_weight/
I feel like every time I look at my weight, and it's lower than I expect, and I feel happy with it, I'll binge. I've been doing really well lately, and I don't want to mess it up. The last time I looked at my weight, it was really high because of a carb binge, so I feel like as long as I mentally think I'm at that weight, I won't mess up.

[Rant/Rave] A little achievement
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:46:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ygrb/a_little_achievement/
Been struggling with binging and purging for at least 2 years. I could never have any snacks in the house, tonight I went out for dinner whilst trying to have a fairly balanced day between the gym and nutrition. On the way home I stopped for snacks, even though I knew I didn’t need them... or really want them.
I was looking forward to my binge and trying all the way back to justify it in my own head (“I’ll work harder in the gym tomorrow, this will be the last time etc) but I managed to get home and put the snacks away in the cupboard and not eat them.

This is a HUGE achievement for me!! I know it seems like nothing but I really want to acknowledge it somewhere! This is someone who couldn’t have snacks anywhere near her for 2 years without getting anxious, maybe I am getting somewhere after all.

[Rant/Rave] aaaa! actually had some self control today!
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:40:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yf5n/aaaa_actually_had_some_self_control_today/
context: my weight, i think, is at its highest it's been at 114.8 lbs. i'm usually in and out of eating and restricting. over the summer, all i did was eat my depression and out of pure boredom, but i did manage to get to my lowest weight of the year, 107.2 lbs. my rational side tends to kick in, going "you can eat, its no big deal. you gotta live somehow." and then, this side of me starts yelling "food = fat!"

i don't exercise like i should which has resulted in my stomach becoming this squishy, rolly monstrosity and my thighgap is nonexistent. so, last night, i decided to get back into the swing of things and get a hold of myself, dammit.
for lunch today at school, i actually felt full of 12 grapes and fat free yogurt!
12 grapes = 24 calories
Danimals yogurt = 70 calories with a grand total of 94 calories! i'm so proud of myself! i consumed 16oz of water so far and i'm working on 74 oz of diet pepsi for energy since i only got 3 hours of sleep last night.

so ye, accomplishments! it's the little things, i guess.

[Discussion] Is anyone else addicted to these? 25 calories for the whole pack and they trick my brain into thinking I’m eating sushi.
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" |-44 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:39:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78yeuz/is_anyone_else_addicted_to_these_25_calories_for/

[Discussion] How often do you weigh yourself?
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:36:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ye93/how_often_do_you_weigh_yourself/
I have an insane preoccupation with weighing myself every chance I get. I can weigh myself upwards of 25 times a day hoping for the result to change even by just .1 lbs. I weigh myself first thing when I wake up, as much as a can throughout the day, and right before I go to bed. I do it so often that I move my scale around the house and weigh myself consecutively in different places to see if the scale is just placed in a weird spot or not. I'm strange, I guess.

[Discussion] Doea restricting/fasting help anyone else identify their problem foods?
/u/water_77 [🍀🌺🍀]
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:34:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ydp3/doea_restrictingfasting_help_anyone_else_identify/
So I occasionally do IF (especially during exam season bc anxiety) and I've found that certain foods (TMI up ahead!!) give me diarrhea lol. So like whenever I eat bread or dairy I have to stick around a bathroom for an hour after. Which ofc makes me want to eat it less because I convince myself I'm kinda allergic to it.

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend wants me to build muscles
Created: Thu Oct 26 14:26:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ybrh/my_boyfriend_wants_me_to_build_muscles/
Hes into body building. When i met him i was restricting and only consuming max 400 calaries a day. He wants me to eat and go to the gym with him. It hurts because his ideal type of woman is someone thick with a big ass. Hes always talking about how he wants me to "be healthy" with him and go to the gym. I dont want a big ass and i dont want thick thighs. I dont want abs.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

[Rant/Rave] Just saw my weight in the 120's for the first time since 2013 :')
/u/Zurthrow [5'4| CW:132 | HW:150 | GW1:130 | 22F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:50:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78y37v/just_saw_my_weight_in_the_120s_for_the_first_time/

[Rant/Rave] Got my hands on some laxatives for the first time in forever
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:47:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78y2aj/got_my_hands_on_some_laxatives_for_the_first_time/
RIP kidneys.

Actually this was a godsend. I hadn't pooped in 3 days, I was uncomfortably bloated, retaining water, and the pressure was making my back contusion act up. I took some last night and this morning and by noon I was relieved. Now I just gotta exercise some control and only use them in emergencies. I won't hold my breath though

[Help] Malfunctioning scale
/u/noidea744 [5'3| CW 110.8 | BMI 20|F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:41:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78y0xm/malfunctioning_scale/
I checked my scale with 2, 4 and 6 kg weights as always (I have uneven floors so I need to find a level spot that gives and accurate reading) it was working perfectly with the weights but the stupid scale has given me a different reading just about every time I've stepped on it ( which has been atleast 20 times.) The difference is like 3lbs. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? Do i need a new scale? I'm really frustrated and confused just now

[Help] Stuck in the 150s.
/u/itszwee [5'3"| SW 176.X | CW ???.? | LW: 154.6 | UGW 115 |]
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:41:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78y0vf/stuck_in_the_150s/
I've burned through ~20 lbs from July-early September, but for the past six weeks or so I've been stuck in the mid 150s range. It's really disheartening considering the same thing happened to me about three years ago and when I recovered I went back to my SW (which was my same SW in July). And because I had a major breakdown/personal emergency this week, I've been overeating a lot lately (not hugely, but like way more than my usual) and I'm terrified that this is the end for me, that I'll balloon back up again. Does anyone have advice for breaking out of this?

Malfunctioning scale?
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:40:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78y0n5/malfunctioning_scale/

[Rant/Rave] target girl
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:06:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xsm9/target_girl/
i go to school in chicago and i have seen a particular girl three times. she's so skinny and gorgeous like she's just a bit shorter than i am and she's like 80 lbs AT MOST and i get that feeling when i see her, like, she looks like she totally struggles with an eating disorder. it's like when you're at the store and you see someone else doing the weird shit people like us do, checking calories and comparing multiple things, or putting stuff back, one time i even just bought halo top and laxatives. something just totally looks off. but i've seen her twice, never even saw her face. i was behind her both times. she's so skinny i just *know* it's her. i wish i could approach her but that's so patronizing and weird and wrong, i would absolutely hate it if someone went up to me and tried to be like, "hah, me too."

anyway i was in target today and looking at socks, and i feel someone come up near me sorta, mostly behind me. i turn and it's her i was like holy shit this is so weird i never run into strangers time and time again! but as soon as i turned she walked away. i was like fuckkk it's her like i don't know why i'm so hung up on this i think i sound super creepy so i'm sorry if i'm just being a freak!

does anybody else feel this or am i being weird? she's like my goal weight and it's rare i run into someone who can relate to all the shitty stuff that having an ED comes with. you ever see someone that you can tell is struggling and you wanna be like "holy fuck, same dude" but you can't because that's just not fucking cool?

[Rant/Rave] Uncomfortable with my body during hookups, and now I feel like absolute shit
/u/trackandhp7 [5'3" | GW 98]
Created: Thu Oct 26 13:03:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xrrd/uncomfortable_with_my_body_during_hookups_and_now/
I'm not one for casual sex. It always drains me of any happiness because I feel like I'm being used, and I can't take the experience as lightly as the guy I'm with can. On Saturday, my ex called me and I think he did it in order to show that he had very obviously moved on from me. I got super depressed and thought I'd try moving on as well. I hooked up with a guy who hasn't called or texted me since, and I just feel terrible. While we were together, he would grab parts of my body, like my stomach or thighs, and to me that just emphasized how gross they are for him to be able to handle them like that. I couldn't enjoy myself because I hate the way I look, and I knew that obviously this guy was only with me because of the way I look, and nothing deeper, and ever since this has happened, it's made me even more critical of my appearance and of how other people view it. Also, since my ex moved on so fast, I guess my personality and charm aren't anything to linger over either. I don't know if I'm describing this very well but I was just generally hoping for support about how to think of myself as more than an ugly bag of skin and fat, because I feel like I'm about to go down a really dark hole.

Diet pills
Created: Thu Oct 26 12:41:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xmmd/diet_pills/

[Tip] It's pomegranate season!!
/u/hopelessly--hopeful [5'4" | puts whales to shame| F| 23]
Created: Thu Oct 26 12:34:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xkxf/its_pomegranate_season/
Ughhh I'm so excited poms are finally back in season and love the work it takes to extract each seed from the rest of the fruit--usually by the time I've gotten all the little seeds out, I'm not even hungry anymore and can save it for later. They're also about as low cal as any other fruit. Just thought I'd share my excitement with y'all!!! 😄😄😄😄😄😄

[Rant/Rave] I feel so disgusted with myself.
/u/itsmeandthemoon [5'3 | 279 | 50.79 | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 26 12:19:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xh7b/i_feel_so_disgusted_with_myself/

[Rant/Rave] Either going to kill my husband or myself....
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw: 150lbs | gw: 110lbs | -97lb]
Created: Thu Oct 26 12:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xed1/either_going_to_kill_my_husband_or_myself/
So, I've been going to therapy since my GP diagnosed me with anorexia, but I feel pretty ambivalent about "recovery". However, I've been putting on a decent show of it for my husband, who wants me to get better waaaaaay more than I do.

Last night, I was feeling particularly non-recovery oriented, and my brain was chasing itself in circles. In the midst of this, my husband comes up, wraps his arms around me, and says with love "You know babe, I think your breasts are filling out again! You really are getting so much better."

Aaannnnddd now I can't eat today and my throat hurts from purging last night. Kill me.

[Rant/Rave] Freaking out.
Created: Thu Oct 26 11:55:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xb66/freaking_out/
On mobile/don't know how to flair. Just need to vent.

So this is a throwaway/new account. My husband is on Reddit and is already "worried" that I'm unhappy for some reason. Ugh. I usually lurk just because I feel better knowing that other people feel like me, but today I have nowhere to turn.

Anyway, I typically fast at least 20 hours every day. I'm a preschool teacher so it's easy to just not eat during the work day. Today, the kids were served popcorn chicken mashed potato bowls. (My favorite). I brought some riced cauliflower to replace the potatoes but I completely overate. I had everything: gravy, corn, popcorn chicken, stawberries and peaches. I can't accurately measure everything at my job because I'm mostly herding cats and putting out fires. By estimation, I had about 523 calories. That's almost all I have on most week days.

So now my kids are all napping and I'm not in a good headspace for them when they awake.

What do I do? Work out again after work? (I do spin class in the morning for an hour. Burnt ~421 calories there). I could do another hour before my husband comes home from work. Pretend to be sick and skip dinner? My hubby will for sure call me out if I just don't eat. Or call it a wash and take a self care day and make my turkey meatloaf for dinner as planned?

I would do a longer fast tomorrow but we have friends coming into town for Halloween for the weekend. I know I'm going to feel like a miserable cow on Monday no matter what. I already can't break down below 129 because I'm a weak human who thinks about food constantly. I just need to vent and support from people who understand. My husband always just says "You're being crazy. I love you. Calm down."

[Intro] Was weighed today by my Doctor. Now I feel like a loser...
/u/agent_philcoulson [5'4" | CW: 140 | GW: 120]
Created: Thu Oct 26 11:52:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78xaf3/was_weighed_today_by_my_doctor_now_i_feel_like_a/
Just found this sub and I think it's perfect for what I'm going through. I'm 27 and my doctor confirmed that I am now 140 pounds. Throughout high school and college, I weighed 100 pounds and was going through a bad time with my ED. I managed to over come it and brought myself to what I thought was a healthy weight for me, 120 pounds.

I have fluctuated a bit in the last few years, between meeting my boyfriend and settling down. I also started going to the gym with my mom.

I was diagnosed with bipolar a few months ago and was put on meds. They are supposed to be weight friendly, but in the last 3 months I went from 125 to 140!

I can feel my unhealthy urges come back and I don't know what to do! I'm so disappointed in myself.

I'm probably going to put myself on a strict 1000 calorie diet and see where that gets me. I really don't want to loose the muscle I've gained from going to the gym. I surprisingly love how thick my legs look. I just want my stomach to be pretty :'(

[Rant/Rave] My body is the only thing I have to be proud of at this point [rant]
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:122 | 18.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 11:41:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78x7lg/my_body_is_the_only_thing_i_have_to_be_proud_of/
I hate my fucking life right now. I used to be so impressive and so good at things. I used to be able to look at my friends and cousins and feel all smug and superior, because my life was going well.

But now I'm unemployed and living with my parents at 25. Pretty much unhireable because it turns out my masters degree from a really good school that I felt so smug about for the past couple years while I was doing it, is completely useless. I have no hard skills. I am the cliche liberal arts fuck up.

My boyfriend is going goddamn bald and I hate that. He's my favorite person and the only one I've ever really gotten along with in a consistent I want them around all the time way, but now I'm losing the physical attraction because he's starting to look like an old bald man. And he's unemployed as well like me, so there's really nothing impressive about him. I used to feel smug about him too because I always thought he was better looking than my friend's boyfriends, but now that's gone.

I know I probably deserve to be miserable and unimpressive and going nowhere in life, because I was always so much of a smug insufferable person before. I thought I had accomplishments when really I'd never even done anything.

Literally the only thing that gives me a shred of self esteem is knowing that most of the other people I know my age have terrible bodies already. I know objectively that most of them look fine and probably objectively look better than me because the thicker fuller look is preferred by most people. But looking at their instagrams and comparing their bodies to mine is like the only thing that gives me that smug happy feeling at this point.

And even though it's terrible, that feeling is pretty much my driving motivation for doing anything.

[Help] How to stay on track while not doing much?
Created: Thu Oct 26 11:20:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78x2gv/how_to_stay_on_track_while_not_doing_much/

[Help] I don't think I've ever been stuck in a binge cycle THIS bad. Please help me break out of it...
Created: Thu Oct 26 11:18:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78x1y3/i_dont_think_ive_ever_been_stuck_in_a_binge_cycle/
Any tips?? Been stuck in one since last Wednesday, eating around 8000 calories everyday. What even is normal eating? Before Wednesday last week, I was on top of the world with really restricted eating and occasional fasting. But I just feel like I've lost all control and I'm just snowballing further and further down. I fucking hate myself right now. Please help.

What I had today:

- cereal bar (it was free at my uni, and what fucking started everything today. <yesterday was a whole other story>)

- two baguette sandwiches

- one huge cheeseburger

- brownie

- large scone

- cheese scone

- plate of fries

- pot of ramen noodles

- big kit kat bar

- bag of hummus chips

- cheese crackers

- ginger cookies

- 4 large white chocolate chip cookies

- small pack of coconut chips

fuck. my sanity is literally drifting away from me, i can't bear to look at myself. the guilt is too much. please someone help me..

[Goal] I DONE DID IT Y’ALL (yeehaw)
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW: 142 |CW: 125 |20.6 |GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 11:13:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78x0vm/i_done_did_it_yall_yeehaw/
I hope you read that in a super southern accent. Anyway, I MET MY FIRST BIG GOAL!
I wanted to be 125 before November and I actually did it! Escaping the 130s was hellish and took forever but once I was at 129 the weight just wanted to fall off! I feel so proud of myself and really accomplished. My next goal is 115 and I know I can do it!
I feel like my body has gotten used to 300 or less calories a day which is sweet, and I find that I’m not getting quite as lightheaded as I used to.
This subreddit keeps me going and I’m always looking at it and trying everyone’s suggestions and recipes, so thanks to all of you on here for constantly giving me motivation! I love you all 💘

[Discussion] Full on 300 calories??
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | SW: 130 | CW: ~125 | GW: small | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 10:46:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78wu09/full_on_300_calories/
After only 3 days of restricting, I decided to let myself eat some lunch today. I got a modest sandwich, about 300 calories. And I was convinced I'd be so ravenous that I'd eat the whole damn thing and still be starving, and fall back into binge mode.

Except I ate half the sandwich and then took a break so my stomach could adjust. Ate some carrots (<35 cals). Drank some Silk (100 more cals). Had some coffee with cream (25). Two glasses of water. And now my stomach is painfully full????

I'm terrified and thrilled at the same time and don't know what to do with myself. Does this happen to anyone else?

[Help] Low blood pressure.
Created: Thu Oct 26 10:12:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78wlu4/low_blood_pressure/
I've had 700 calories in 2 days, and i was sitting in class and just felt I was going to pass out.
I dont want to eat, i dont have money or food. I could go to Subway (credit card not accepted in my uni) and buy a turkey sandwich but feel extremely guilty.
What can i do?

[Tip] Finally recreated an almost 0 cal version of Starbs Sangria Herbal Tea!
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 10:11:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78wlkf/finally_recreated_an_almost_0_cal_version_of/
So it was a few seasons ago but when Starbucks came out with their Sangria Herbal Tea I was obssessed. Of course the juice and everything had unnecessary cals I didn't want to waste, so I finally went about recreating a 0 cal version and it tastes almost exactly the same!

•Tazo Passion tea

•frozen berries (I like a rasberry/blueberry/blackberry mix)

•Kroger brand Apple & Black currant "liquid water enhancer" (MIO copycat)

I just brewed a pitcher of passion tea & put it in the fridge. Fill a cup with ice & frozen berries, pour tea over it, add the apple/black currant flavor & you're done! So good. I wanted to asd orange slices to but Kroger didn't have any unfortunately. Enjoy & let me know if anyone tries it!

[Thinspo] Has this song stuck on repeat for a few days now, Nobody Loves A Fat Girl - Jim Croce.
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5"| -11.6lb | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 10:03:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78wjb2/has_this_song_stuck_on_repeat_for_a_few_days_now/

how to survive the holidays?
Created: Thu Oct 26 09:37:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78wcw2/how_to_survive_the_holidays/

[Other] Treatment centres in the SF Bay Area?
Created: Thu Oct 26 09:22:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78w9eb/treatment_centres_in_the_sf_bay_area/
The gig is up. My parents are forcing me to recover and tbh, I think I’m sort of ready for it. I’ve let this disorder completely fuck up my life (lost friends, dropped out of college, severe anxiety/depression, etc) so here I go. I talked to my doctor yesterday and went over some options and I was wondering if anyone here has experiences with the programs that she recommended. The three that I’m considering most are Casa Serena, Alta Bates, and Center for Discovery. Please hit me up if you have any experience with these. Hope you all have a beautiful day blessed with Halo Top, Coke Zero, and cantaloupe.

[Discussion] October 26th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 09:00:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78w3x0/october_26th_2017_question_of_the_day/
I’m back from vacation guys, and starting the Question of the Day back up!

Today’s is a really doozy 😬

How do you feel about your body?

[Help] Am I sick enough?
Created: Thu Oct 26 08:50:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78w1kl/am_i_sick_enough/
I don't know. Maybe I'm not.

I had a first therapy session in August about my anxiety and eating problems and I'm on the waitlist since then.

I wish I could go to a private therapist but I can't afford it. I'm on this waitlist because this place is connected to my uni and I won't pay for anything because of my scholarship. My parents don't know about any of this either because they can't afford it as well and I would not dare to ask them.

I feel like taking my name off of the list. I'm not underweight. I have a BMI of 21 and I eat 1200 calories a day. I hate myself for eating so much and I binge sometimes. It's not good. I only lost 12kg since January and I feel fat. But I'm not like many of you that are underweight and struggle with purging and other ed related things. I'm not sick enough.

I want to kill myself. I tried having a limit on 600 calories a day but I cried and I got anxious and my boyfriend (who lives with me) was so worried and I couldn't focus in my studies.

I just wish I could live on air and not feel hungry anymore. I wish I did not have this voice inside my head comparing me to everyone else. I don't know how any of this works in the UK or the US and I don't know how long that waitlist could be. I should just get my name off of that.

[Help] Experiences on Zoloft?
Created: Thu Oct 26 08:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78vzea/experiences_on_zoloft/
I just started taking Zoloft, and my doctor said most people don’t gain weight but I’m really concerned. :-/ Has anyone else here found it made them hungrier/less hungry? Weight gain or loss?

[Rant/Rave] Called out of my shift today, without coverage, using the phrase "stomach problem"
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CAN MUSCLE REALLY WEIGH THAT MUCH MORE| F |]
Created: Thu Oct 26 06:59:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78vd9i/called_out_of_my_shift_today_without_coverage/
Anyone else feel *totally* justified in using that and letting everybody assume the vomiting is virus based? Certainly feels involuntary most of the time. I *am* SICK goddammit. I *was* up all night with my face in the toilet and got no sleep D:

[Rant/Rave] Super tiny loss from water fast??
Created: Thu Oct 26 06:58:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78vd8e/super_tiny_loss_from_water_fast/
Hi! Longtime lurker but need to vent cause I'm so disappointed and sad... I've been on a water/coffee fast for three days; first one I've ever done and it was really difficult. But I kept myself really strict (really 0 cal) and motivated myself with other reading other folk's story of losing like 5 lbs at a time. This morning I was so excited to weigh myself and lo and behold... I literally lost only 1.8 lbs in 78 hrs of fasting. I'm 5'4 and went from 122.6 to 120.8. After factoring in for water weight and the bounce back that most people experience, I feel like I barely lost any weight at all, even though I put my body through physical and emotional torture and denial. I'm just so angry at my body--there's no payoff, no results, even the most drastic measures a person can take (literally starving...) doesn't get me anywhere. It's really really demoralizing... now I'm thinking to just fast for another day cause fuck it looking at food just makes me hate my fat even more...,

[Help] 130lbs...how?
/u/ibizadaydreams [5'1 | CW120 | 22.7 | GW95| F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 06:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78v56p/130lbshow/
I'm struggling so much. It's like the more I try and the more I want to lose weight the more weight I gain and the more I binge.....
I've never weighed this much in my life. I had just lost so much in such a short amount of time and now this.

My trip is in about 30 days. I'm supposed to buy the new clothes for it this weekend. I don't deserve to go shopping.

I don't know how to get out of this binge/purge cycle. I hate this so much.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support October 26, 2017
Created: Thu Oct 26 06:11:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78v4ew/weekly_emotional_support_october_26_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 26, 2017
Created: Thu Oct 26 06:09:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78v46b/daily_food_diary_october_26_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] the woosh continues
/u/nervous_nandu [5'5" | CW 120.6 | LW/GW 98| 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 06:05:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78v3cl/the_woosh_continues/
See last post for details and a week long time line but its still happening!
on the 23rd i was at 124.2
on the 24th 123.0
on the 25th 122.8
happy wooshing!

[Rant/Rave] So freaking nervous
Created: Thu Oct 26 04:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78uod6/so_freaking_nervous/
So my therapist emailed me this week saying I needed to bring in baked goods to challenge myself this week in session, because last week I had a panic attack over half of a piece of cake. I’m absolutely dreading it. I bought my favorite chocolate chip muffins (she’s going to eat one with me) and I KNOW I’m gonna be sick from it.

I had to break my 104 hour fast early this morning, so I wouldn’t throw up while eating that fucking muffin. I’m so fucking nervous and feel sick from this yogurt I’m eating.

I’ll let y’all know how it goes, but I’m not holding my breath. Wish me luck!!

Edited to add that I was at my lowest weight this morning and I finally felt okay about my body and now it’s fucked. I also have to chaperone a bunch of teenagers to a conference in Connecticut and don’t wanna pass out in the airport so I guess I gotta do this 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Help] Has anyone tried White Kidney Bean extract as a carb blocker?
Created: Thu Oct 26 04:24:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78unco/has_anyone_tried_white_kidney_bean_extract_as_a/

[Rant/Rave] The glorious fat day
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 04:12:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ulml/the_glorious_fat_day/
Anyone else having an especially “feel like a whale” day? I mean most days I feel too big but some days are definitely worse and I just turn into a grumpy human. Everything has been sucking recently, just want to curl up in the bed, turn my brain off and stop constantly thinking about my body and food!

[Rant/Rave] Put some pens on my lap without thinking yesterday and they fell through a gap that's suddenly between my thighs when I sit down ^^
/u/liliannereid [170 cm | CW: 64.2 kg | SW: 78.1 kg | UGW: 58.5-60.5 kg | 26F]
Created: Thu Oct 26 03:46:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78uhyo/put_some_pens_on_my_lap_without_thinking/

[Help] is there any drugs or pills can take that make me want to eat less or better, erase my appetite?
Created: Thu Oct 26 00:20:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78tqwu/is_there_any_drugs_or_pills_can_take_that_make_me/

[Help] Purged fully for the first time today
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Wed Oct 25 23:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78tmwz/purged_fully_for_the_first_time_today/
I was doing so well with intermittent fasting since last week, and eating around 700-1000 calories.

But today I was around some really negative people, and they were eating so much junk food and talking about how fat and ugly they were. I went home and lost control. I ended up finishing the day at 1900 calories. I couldn't let that happen, so I went to throw up.

Now my head is hurting. Also, I weighed myself and im still up a pound wtf?

[Discussion] What was your worst binge cycle, and how did you break out of it?
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5🌙97lbs]
Created: Wed Oct 25 23:50:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78tmj6/what_was_your_worst_binge_cycle_and_how_did_you/
Its official. I've reached the weight I swore I'd commit suicide at a year ago. I don't know what to do, all I ever think about is eating, eating, distracting myself with food until I'm desperate and furious at myself but unable to stop.

Just looking for a little bit of hope.

[Help] I can't purge, and I have like zero self-control.
Created: Wed Oct 25 23:04:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78tft6/i_cant_purge_and_i_have_like_zero_selfcontrol/

[Rant/Rave] Eugenia Cooley, I stg
/u/123578 [5'6 | 113 | GW 98 | 14f]
Created: Wed Oct 25 22:54:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78te77/eugenia_cooley_i_stg/

[Rant/Rave] My best friend wants to fight me tomorrow
Created: Wed Oct 25 22:29:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ta80/my_best_friend_wants_to_fight_me_tomorrow/

[Thinspo] I love watching things like this -- Documentary from a UK weight loss ward.
/u/IttyBittyBatty [5'5"| -11.6lb | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 22:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78t6cf/i_love_watching_things_like_this_documentary_from/
[Barcroft](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHkc_eCrVMw) is a great YouTube channel for this masochistic stuff.

[Discussion] does hydrolyzed collagen powder make anyone else nauseous?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Wed Oct 25 21:44:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78t2fi/does_hydrolyzed_collagen_powder_make_anyone_else/
took some earlier mixed with coffee, fell asleep & just woke up feeling super sick. it also could totally be from tiredness or, idk, eating 800 calories/day & generally treating my body like shit who KNOWS

lmao just thought i'd ask if the powder/supplement makes anyone else feel sick

[Discussion] Weirdest lies you've told to get out of eating?
/u/123578 [5'6 | 113 | GW 98 | 14f]
Created: Wed Oct 25 21:41:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78t1zg/weirdest_lies_youve_told_to_get_out_of_eating/
I was at summer camp once when I was like 12 and there was really good food/desserts, I never ate much and my table counselor was a little worried I think and my whole table always bothered me about why I didn't eat the ice cream and stuff like that. So I told them I was diabetic and even pretended to go to the nurses table every morning

[Rant/Rave] I survived the late-night McDonald's trip [rant/rave]
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | SW: 130 | CW: ~125 | GW: small | 20F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 21:37:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78t1b7/i_survived_the_latenight_mcdonalds_trip_rantrave/
I've been successfully restricting since Monday (not that long, but considerably lengthy for me) and a friend invited me to go to McDonald's. I'd already eaten up to my limit for the day.

It was so hard but I managed to just get a black coffee. Praise the Lord 😅

This might seem super small, but it's honestly such a victory. One mistake could've sent me spiralling, ya know?

[Rant/Rave] DAE really hate the HAES/ Fat acceptance movement?
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [❤️5’8”💛cw:260💚gw:145💙|🍑@bulimiaisso87]
Created: Wed Oct 25 21:21:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78syk0/dae_really_hate_the_haes_fat_acceptance_movement/
like i really hate it, and i used to really believe in that shit, which is what triggered (lmao i hate that word) me into stopping losing weight when i was in high school and first starting my restricting and purging behaviors. that was good, but i ended up moving into just bingeing, and gaining about 100lbs overall in the past 6 years, and it sucks!!! it straight up sucks being fat and i hate that they try to say otherwise.

also the fact that they are REALLY anti eating disorder, and call anyone with a bmi of <25 anorexic, which doesn’t even make sense???? there’s a lot of fat people who have eating disorders. I mean hell, 90% of the HAES movement most likely has BED.

it just infuriates me that these people are literally forcing people into believing obesity is healthy, while also hating all of us for having a mental illness, and even going as far as using the disorders we all have as insults against actually healthy, but skinny, people.

idk whether to tag this as rant/rave or discussion but whatevs

eta: a lot more people have commented on this than i thought! just to clarify: I am technically obese, I am not healthy now and by having an eating disorder and posting and being involved here I know it’s not helping me be healthier, just thinner. I still don’t like the HAES/FA movement and the people that say “oh i don’t eat that much but I gain weight” because you literally cannot gain weight if you eat less than what you burn in a day.

[Rant/Rave] They left me to it.
/u/floatingalong_ [5'6" | CW: 94 | CBMI: 15.2 | GW: 85lbs | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 20:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78soip/they_left_me_to_it/
So got referred back to MH services for various things. ED being one of them sort of (94lbs at 5'6"). I told them I've been losing weight and am having a lot of trouble basically doing everything/existing and they've discharged me to some other team that I've got to wait months for, because apparently they've got nothing they can offer me. I kind of wanted to attempt recovery again, you know. I can't function. But now I'm like, fuck it, what's the point?

I feel like no one gives a shit. Might as well just carry on right?

[Discussion] Favorite cigarette brand?
/u/histrionicbitch [5'2" | 99 | 18 | 45 lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Oct 25 20:21:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78sn1u/favorite_cigarette_brand/
For anyone who smokes for appetite suppression, what are y'all's favorite smoke?

[Rant/Rave] I’m now terrified of soup.
/u/FireForSale [27F| 5'2.5" | LW: 92 | GW: 103 | CW: 187]
Created: Wed Oct 25 20:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78sj6u/im_now_terrified_of_soup/
This occurred twenty minutes ago.

I was having dinner at my parents house and my mother asked what sounded good. It was a kind of dreary and cooler day in the PNW and I wanted warm soup as I’m fighting a cold. Soup, despite the sodium, has always been safe for me.

So, my mom made minestrone soup and pillsbury biscuits but I passed on the biscuit. I filled one ladle of the hearty stuff (pasta and vegetables) and one of broth into a bowl. In total it was probably just shy of a full serving which in the bag says is one cup. I sat down and my mother turned to me and explained “Jeeze! Did you take all the pasta?!” Then she shoves her coffee mug forward and boasts how hers is mostly broth while using her spoon to sift around and show the rest.

I quite instantly put my plate down and turned to watch the news. She then asks me “What’s wrong? EAT!” My Dad goes “Jesus Jan!” immediately realizing what the fuck just happened.

And then I burst into tears. My mom starts begging for my forgiveness, going on and on about how she “would never intentionally hurt me.” and that she “forgot how sensitive I still am.” I was so upset I left.

That was my night and now I’m terrified of soup.

[Help] yooo feel like I'm gonna binge, help please???
/u/TSputnik [5'3" | CW 131 | HW 210 | UGW 100]
Created: Wed Oct 25 19:57:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78sian/yooo_feel_like_im_gonna_binge_help_please/
I'm just trying to clean my apartment because it's a cluttered wreck of chaos and I hate it, but a lot of cleaning tasks (ESPECIALLY DISHES AAAGAHGHAG) make me wanna grab random food in the cabinets and snack, which then makes me wanna binge. I'm on the brink of my calorie limit for the day and I just need to stoooppp what should I do?

I thought about playing a video game or something to distract myself but I seriously hate the condition my apartment is in now and I feel like I HAVE to clean or I will be anxious all night >>8(((
Advice would be appreciated, I'm just gonna chew gum in the meantime...

[Discussion] thoughts on fasting?
Created: Wed Oct 25 19:45:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78sfrw/thoughts_on_fasting/

[Discussion] Thoughts on drinking extra virgin olive oil?
Created: Wed Oct 25 19:33:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78sdi9/thoughts_on_drinking_extra_virgin_olive_oil/
Apparently this is a thing. People drink 2 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil and like it's good for them because healthy fats? What are your thoughts? I tried to today, but I really couldn't bring myself to do it.

What's everyone's average daily cal count?
/u/grave_stoned [6'1" / F / CW: 163 / GW: 140 / -84]
Created: Wed Oct 25 19:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78s9kg/whats_everyones_average_daily_cal_count/

[Rant/Rave] Best compliment of my life
Created: Wed Oct 25 18:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78s5r9/best_compliment_of_my_life/
So I recently returned home from Yunnan province (for the autumn festival). While I was there, I was out for iced coffee with a new group of friends.

One of the girls said to me, "You must drink a lot of white tea before having meals, because you are so slim."

I got called slim... In China! Holy shit! *I'm thin by Chinese standards you guys!* **SCREAM**

[Rant/Rave] Lactose intolerance = ice cream is both a binge and a purge
Created: Wed Oct 25 18:30:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78s0uf/lactose_intolerance_ice_cream_is_both_a_binge_and/
Anyone else lactose intolerant? Ice cream makes me so sick, it works like a lax. About an hour after eating some, I’m on the toilet until I’m totally empty. I know it’s probably (most likely) bad for my insides, but if I need a big sugary binge, ice cream makes me feel like I don’t have to do anything to rectify the situation after eating it.

Anyone else relate?

[Help] How do I help my boyfriend?
Created: Wed Oct 25 18:16:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rxon/how_do_i_help_my_boyfriend/
My boyfriend (let's call him V) is relapsing. V was in treatment before I meet him, and I didn't even know about that part of his life until about three months ago.

At first I thought he was just forgetting to eat, as V is extremely forgetful. But then I started noticing that he just pushes everything around on his place and tosses it. He won't sit at the dinner table with us anymore, and he won't eat with anyone other than me in the room.

His mother (who lives with us) is extremely concerned, and was the one to tell me about it. We've both tried to make things that he likes, even his old 'safe' foods, but he takes two or three bites of something and says he's done.

We've also asked him to go see his old therapist, and he flat out refuses. He insists that his eating isn't a problem, and that he doesn't need help. I understand that he's got to want to recover on his own, but in the meantime I don't know how to help him. What should I do? How can I help him?

[Rant/Rave] Ever wonder how so many people are just going about their lives NOT thinking about food 24/7?
Created: Wed Oct 25 18:01:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ruga/ever_wonder_how_so_many_people_are_just_going/
Like what is on their mind at any given moment??? Sex? Work? Outer space? I think about food while having sex, while working, while having deep conversations with my mom, hell *while* I'm eating I'm thinking about food. I wish there was an off switch.

*Is* everyone secretly thinking about food 24/7 they just hide it really well?

[Rant/Rave] (rant) why does nothing ever turn out the way you plan?
/u/sadnddisordered [5'10.5 | 126 | 17.59 | -7 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 17:28:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rnkg/rant_why_does_nothing_ever_turn_out_the_way_you/
trigger warning for suicide mention

sometimes i feel like i have this world built up in my mind and i lie to myself and everyone else and fool myself into believing everything is better than it is and my life isn't as shitty as it really is

i cant get a fucking job i'm a part time lifeguard college drop out

every guy ive ever fucked or dated just used me while he pined for someone else and every time i delude myself into thinking maybe we'll date! maybe i have a chance! but no, i'm always Too Much and Too Crazy and whatever. and every time a guy gets bored of me and drops me its the same god damn reaction! it doesn't get any better no matter how many fucking times!! Because i'm an idiot!

i just want to die. i want to stop eating until im smaller and smaller and too small to exist and no one even notices im just gone

idk if this really fits here but i had to get it out and i feel like you guys might understand

[Discussion] DAE feel triggered by adult acne
/u/lists_n_shits [5'4" | CW 113 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 17:24:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rmi5/dae_feel_triggered_by_adult_acne/
At this point I don't know if my ed hurts or helps my skin problems, but breakouts are definitely triggering.

When I fast (especially just water + tea) my skin clears up so much & I feel so in control. I also get this feeling like ~ if my skin cant be perfect, at least my body can be!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I naturally had perfect skin. I think I would care less about my figure, maybe not.

[Rant/Rave] rambling
Created: Wed Oct 25 17:20:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rlv4/rambling/
ive been anorexic for as long as i can remember but a few months ago i got really depressed and stopped caring about my appearance. i stopped doing my hair and makeup, stopped getting my nails done, stopped wearing real outfits, and started eating whatever and whenever i wanted. i gained a lot of weight but got back down to the healthy weight for my height just by exercising and eating less, but i knew i'd never get back to the weight im happiest at unless i went back to never eating. so i tried for a while but i just couldn't find the joy in starving that i used to find. i only cared about being skinny while i was trying to get dressed, and stopped caring once i threw on some sweats. i couldnt understand why, and then it finally clicked; i subconsciously knew i was going to feel ugly even if i was skinny. i used to be the really pretty "perfect" girl and now the lack of effort i put into myself made me feel like a blob with a birds nest for hair. EDs are a lifestyle; you have to care about every aspect of your appearance. so i cut my hair and bought all new makeup and got my nails done for the first time since i first gave up on myself and i feel hot again. after i did all of that i instantly snapped back into the mindset. hunger feels euphoric again. cigs = meals again. my appearance matters a ton again. i weighed myself and i already weigh considerably less than i expected. now it's been 3 days since i've eaten and i can already see how much flatter my stomach is. seeing all of this progress in myself makes me more motivated than ever to keep going. i'm so happy!!!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Naturally thin vs ED?
Created: Wed Oct 25 17:07:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rj4v/naturally_thin_vs_ed/
Have you ever looked up to and been jealous of someone who you thought was naturally thin and found out that they actually do have some sort of eating disorder?

I have thin friends whom I have envied that I've come to realize, barely eat.

Which is technically an eating disorder, whether or not it is on purpose, they are thin because they are malnourished.

Do you think that more thin people than not have eating disorders rather than just having really great genetics and a sprinters metabolism?

[Discussion] Purging questions
Created: Wed Oct 25 16:48:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rey2/purging_questions/
I noticed that every time I purge, my eyes swell really bad and my face gets really red. It's so noticeable. I guess my question is, does this happen to everyone else? & if so, how can I make it go away or how can I blame it on something else?

[Discussion] Anyone else feel like they are living a lie?
/u/Rubywednesdayyy [❤ 5'3 | CW: 134.4 | GW: 117 | 23F ❤]
Created: Wed Oct 25 16:30:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78rauj/anyone_else_feel_like_they_are_living_a_lie/
I just feel like I have to hide everything about food from everyone around me. This eating disorder has encompassed every part of me and yet I don't feel like I can share it with anyone ... well except all of you lovely people ❤️

I guess I've just been feeling really isolated from my friends and family because I do nothing but think about food...

Just had to put that out there I guess.

[Discussion] How much does your license say you weigh?
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11 | 115| 23.2| F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 15:44:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78r0ga/how_much_does_your_license_say_you_weigh/
My license says I weigh 101 lbs, but since then I've been up to 135 and now back down to 110 and I think that's pretty neat. Id love to be back down to 100 pounds again. What does your license say you weigh, and what has changed since? Does anyone else look at stuff like this?

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by oblivious dad
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 15:14:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78qti8/triggered_by_oblivious_dad/
I recently posted a picture on Facebook of me and my mom and aunt. They’re a few inches shorter than me, and my aunt is rail thin (mom is average but still shorter). My dad commented “I guess we know who the big girl is in the family now 😎” which first of all I don’t even know what that means, but also, I know I’m not “big.” I guess he just meant I’m taller than them??? Gahhhhhh and I ate sooo much food on vacation and now I want to die

[Discussion] Silly ED thing you did today?
/u/acidicdecay [Height 5'6.5"|CW 122|UGW 109 | Lady]
Created: Wed Oct 25 14:34:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78qjs6/silly_ed_thing_you_did_today/
I threw away an almost full bottle of diet cherry Pepsi because it didn't taste diet-y enough.

[Discussion] Anyone heard of Golden Spoon?
Created: Wed Oct 25 14:30:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78qijc/anyone_heard_of_golden_spoon/
It’s a frozen yogurt place. I’m not so obsessed with since Halo Top was invented, but it is about 400-500 calories per pint. The no sugar flavors are more like 300. They also have fat free sugar free fudge thats ahmazing, but they never put nutrition info for it so it was a bit of a gamble.

I used to crack up when I went there because their portions are huge, so most people would order smalls and mediums and there would always be me and some super skinny chick ordering by the quart.

I think I cried when they discontinued the cherry flavor. It didn’t even taste like cherry at all. It was just delicious.

[Rant/Rave] Bought myself a FitBit!
/u/StuDented [1.64m|CW: ?|GW: 55kg|UGW: 50kg|BMI: ?|Gender: F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 14:29:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78qid3/bought_myself_a_fitbit/
And I love it!!

I've been bulimic/BED since about November 2015 (was more weight *loss* oriented before then). I totally lost control, couldn't stop eating, couldn't stop purging, but in end couldn't stop gaining.

I started university and wanted it to go perfectly - including a perfect body. The pain of watching both of those go up in flames is still with me, in scars of shapes and sizes, mental and physical.

I've been trying to be "good" again ever since, but only now have myself together enough to start dieting again. And I thought I'd buy a FitBit to help...

And it is. It feels such a relief to feel I have calories under some kind of control again. I want to be slim again, I want some aspect of that old, nearly (but never actually) perfect version of me. I had such potential. I want that life back.

Wish me luck. I'll be around.

[Other] Viter Energy mints
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 14:25:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78qhbn/viter_energy_mints/
Saw these on Amazon deals and ordered them, definitely a helpful way to keep the hunger away... now if only they canceled out the shit I already ate :(

They do have a weird aftertaste tho... minty but also distinctly chemical

[Discussion] DAE track food you didn't eat?
/u/rebootfalcon [5'9" | CW: 153 lb | GW: 131 lb | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 14:23:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78qgye/dae_track_food_you_didnt_eat/
(on mobile, flag as discussion)

I'm really forgetful about details, so sometimes I'll track food in MFP that I thought about eating but didn't. That way if I stick to my limit of 900 kcal, I'm still a bit under that. At a glance, it'll trick me most of the time. Does anyone else do this or something similar?

[Discussion] Weight without clothes?
Created: Wed Oct 25 13:41:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78q6hd/weight_without_clothes/
I weighed myself and I weighed 104.2 which is weird because that's kind of high for me and I didn't have time to strip and weigh myself because it wasn't my house lol anyway I was wearing skinny jeans long sleeve shirt hoodie and vans how much difference do u think it would make???

[Discussion] I can't stop crying
/u/enigmatichoices [5'7F | 172 | -41 | gw: invisible]
Created: Wed Oct 25 13:20:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78q163/i_cant_stop_crying/
I'm currently sitting in my car scared to go into my house because I'm a complete mess and I don't want anyone else to be inside. I don't even know why I'm crying anymore. I'm just so lost and lonely and I can't talk to anyone about anything personal it's so hard for me to open up and then I just explode into sadness. Today wasn't even a bad day I just feel like I'm living a lie, an act where I use smiles and humor to deflect anything real because reality freaks me the fuck out.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Do you just start crying about nothing really or even everything all at once just lets out?

[Help] I'm super picky, what's left for me to eat?
/u/water_77 [🍀🌺🍀]
Created: Wed Oct 25 13:19:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78q0uu/im_super_picky_whats_left_for_me_to_eat/
Hey so I'm really picky when it comes to food. I won't eat bread/grains, dairy, sugar, fried foods, or stuff that's super artificial like aspartame.

This doesn't really leave a lot of variety for me. What's something delicious and low-effort? Maybe even something you can buy at a store already made? Or should I just stick to drinking tea all the time...

[Discussion] Today I was asked for diet advise...
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'1" |CW:124lbs | GW:115lbs | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 12:43:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78prlm/today_i_was_asked_for_diet_advise/
So my mom has ALWAYS been on some sort of diet, detox or whatever.. I cant remember a time in my life where she wasn't. Anyways she's got an event coming up and called me for diet advise. Now I cant obviously tell her about my ED or purging so I give her the normal up your water, quit drinking, blah blah blah. Only I told her about fasting because its not so taboo anymore and she was all for it. It felt so good. Now I can see her not only in my eating windows and hope she doesn't suggest getting a bite to eat or something. I can tell her I am fasting and she wont judge me! A part of me felt so bad because she looks at my toxic lifestyle with envy because.. she doesn't know. She doesn't know I obsess over food, my teeth hurt, I purge until my back hurts. To the outside world I just look like I have a lot of self control over my diet and exercise. IDN it's kinda a win and kinda sad all at the same time.

Has anyone else been asked for diet advise while deep into your ED? How did you handle it?

[Rant/Rave] Back here again... ugh
/u/ThinnerBirb [5'7 | CW:123lb | GW:100lb | HW:130lb | 19.3 BMI | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 12:38:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78pq8e/back_here_again_ugh/
Well, I've never been active on this specific subreddit, but back in 2012ish I was extremely active on a lot of proed places.. I "recovered" in early 2015, and things were okay for a couple of years. Then I started working at a full time extremely stressful job, and with it came the fact that as I spend most of my day on the road, it was extremely easy to skip lunch.

Suddenly, the ed that had for two years lurked quietly had an opening, and in the 5 months since I started that job I've lost weight and returned to my previous restrictive behaviours.

Funnily enough, my partner has just decided that he wants to lose weight and that we should start eating better, and he's happily accepting me using MFP to log everything we eat - and as ours are both set to lose weight and he's heavier than me, I get a lower calorie allowance - so he's not even bothered by the fact that I'm eating so much less than he is.

I'm so angry at myself for falling back into this but at the same time I can't wait till I'm back at my old LW and on my way to my GW.. it's not a fun place to be.

[Help] Fellow adults, how do you deal with visiting parents?
/u/Adassai_nova [Age: 25 | BMI: 21.9 | Gender: M | Dx: BN]
Created: Wed Oct 25 12:27:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78pnfn/fellow_adults_how_do_you_deal_with_visiting/
So I know that younger people have obvious motivations to hide disordered eating, but I was diagnosed until years after I'd moved out of the house. I've mentioned to my father that I had some "eating problems" but never went into specifics or the severity of it.

Now my dad is flying across the country to spend two days with me, and I am happy to see him but I'm also freaking out because he's going to want to take my husband and me out to a bunch of nice restaurants.

I don't want to go out to restaurants for all of the obvious reasons but also because I'm terrified it's going to just turn into massive binging. Anytime I slow myself a meal outside of my safe foods, I binge. But I also don't want to act so blatantly disordered, either.

So what do you fellow adults do? Do you just say "fuck it" and eat however you normally so because your parents don't have control over your life anymore? Or do you try to appear normal for their sake?

Any advice greatly appreciated. Also, if it's relevant, my father knows I've been vegan for many years, but I also live in a super hippie towns so there are literally dozens of vegan or vegan-friendly restaurants (we literally have an entire store that sells nothing but gourmet vegan cinnamon rolls; it's torture), so I can't use dietary restrictions as an excuse

[Rant/Rave] motivation from a grave mistake
/u/frikey [5'5.25" | 104 | 17.51 | -23]
Created: Wed Oct 25 12:00:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78pgmn/motivation_from_a_grave_mistake/
On Saturday, as a result of very hard-to-explain happenings, I tried a particularly extreme stimulant drug I promised myself I'd never do for the first time. I did it until Sunday evening, and for that whole time, my mind was occupied and my appetite was nonexistent. I loved how it motivated all the things I struggle with (like being productive and refraining from eating when I don't have to and just not being blank all the time.). I knew, however, I would have to repeat the most hellish comedown but worse if I did it again without anything in my stomach, and that nothing else could really keep me from craving it. So, since Saturday night, I have been fasting. It's going on 82+ hours now.

I hate that this is mostly an effort to resist my addictive tendencies, but this is the longest fast I've ever had and the motivation to keep going has killed any craving I've had for it. I just hope that once I end this, I won't be tempted to get more, so until I feel like I'm gonna die I'm just gonna keep going because it's actually been surprisingly easy. Substance addiction is such a bitch

[Other] The ad placement on fasting tracker
/u/Briismars46 [5"6 | CW:123 | 19.85 |GW:109 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 10:35:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ov2e/the_ad_placement_on_fasting_tracker/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm getting worse again, and it's really starting to make me miserable.
Created: Wed Oct 25 10:28:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ota2/rant_im_getting_worse_again_and_its_really/
So it's been a while since my ED has been very prevalent in my life and consumed a lot of my time, but here lately after hitting my initial goal weight of 200 pounds by forcing myself to get more social and active; I have realized I need to drop at least 20 or 30 more pounds before I think I'll look remotely good. (I'm almost six foot one and have a big build.) While that's in the works, I'm disgusted by my body. I know I should be proud because I dropped 70 pounds in like a year. As a horrid binge eater from a young age, I understand that's a fair amount of progress I made.

The other thing is, I don't so much just hate my body because of the way it looks itself. I hate it because I can never be cute and dainty... So I feel like I'm maybe just compensating for trying to be as small as possible. I don't really even try to stress about my calories anymore, I take Vyvanse for adhd and mood lifter so I usually eat pretty light; and I know it's okay to have some re feeding days every once in a while. I know eventually the weight will keep dropping, and soon I'll probably try to get on a more scheduled exercise routine.

Here's the kicker though, I know where this spawned from honestly. I've been with this guy for almost 5 months now. I was probably about 20 pounds heavier when we first got together, keep in mind he exclusively dated small and thin girls as long as I've known him. I had no idea he was into me at first(for that reason alone), he's a really great guy, and he makes me happy. But when he comments on celebrities or pictures of skinny women he sees to me; God it makes me hate myself. I'm pretty gay so I'll even comment on women to him sometimes, only difference is I usually articulate it with just "She's hot, or she's pretty." But he describes it in the only way a male brain could, "I'd fuck her so hard, ect." Now does this bother me that he thinks the girls attractive, no; cause they usually are pretty attractive women if he bothers to say anything. I know I've mentioned in the past my insecurities and my ED behavior to him, and I know he's not doing it to intentionally cause any hurt to me. All of that is myself just projecting jealousy. I know he finds me attractive, we have a very active sex life; and he's even mentioned that he doesn't think I should lose anymore weight because I'm at a healthy weight and I look good when I mention it.

I'm just at a loss because I don't feel I need to talk to him about it and bother him with something that's petty like this. But like I almost cried when he commented on Fiona Gallagher's body from shameless while we were watching tv last night. He said something about her body being perfect, I wasn't really paying much attention to him because I was too busy staring at her perfect thigh gap... Then here comes the self hatred train at full speed. I laid there and stifled my sniffles until I passed out.

I think I just need to ignore it honestly, because he did end up splitting with his last girlfriend(who is like five foot one and I bet doesn't even weigh 120...) to get with me after we started hanging out more, so yeah. I just really needed to get this off my chest because it's been making my day difficult, also PMS amplifies everything to be worse so could be that as well.

TL;DR I'm a little bitch. Lmao

[Rant/Rave] Weak
Created: Wed Oct 25 10:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78oqk5/weak/
I haven’t had a real meal in weeks. Just fasting or grazing. I’m hungover and craving something really unhealthy, but I know I’ll purge. Send help. It’s only 9 in the fucking morning.

I really want a sandwich of some sort. I almost passed out at Powell’s yesterday because I walked for an hour to get there. Aghhhhh. Just needed to voice my frustration. Plus the guy I adore seems to be emotional unavailable even though he fucked me last week. Jesus.

[Help] "Overnight" Laxatives - Help!
/u/queenofflavortown [5'0"|CW 159lbs|HW 175|GW 120|F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 10:02:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78omwb/overnight_laxatives_help/
Okay so basically I'm an idiot that binged on everything last night, and I woke up this morning so nauseated and in pain that I threw up and called out of work (which never happens.) I went and got laxatives to try to expel whatever is gurgling inside me, but I didn't realize til after I took them that they're "overnight" laxatives. WHAT. I even tried throwing them up in a state of panic, but that didn't work either (why couldn't I have tried throwing up after my binge? That would save me a lot of strife here.)

Do y'all have experience with these "overnight" laxatives? How long do they take to work? I'm desperately hoping they work today so I'm not shitting my brains out all night/at work tomorrow. Ugh, why am I so stupid?????

[Other] A real eye opener
Created: Wed Oct 25 09:58:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78olv5/a_real_eye_opener/

[Rant/Rave] LW rant
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'3.75 | GW 108 | -15]
Created: Wed Oct 25 09:38:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78oh3m/lw_rant/
After months ill finally hit my LW that I havnt been in 2 years. Ive been fasting T,W,T every week and steady losing 2-3lbs a week. I feel so relieved, but also scared that at any moment I will fuck it up. I have strict goals/time frames to get to in the next few months and I CANNOT slip up. Thank you all so much for being here and allowing me to hold myself accountable. I will be officially down 20lbs this friday <3

[Discussion] Is anyone trying to eat a FODMAP diet?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 09:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78oezs/is_anyone_trying_to_eat_a_fodmap_diet/
And how has their experience been with that?

[Rant/Rave] Weekends kill me
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 08:42:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78o3r5/weekends_kill_me/
Weekends are the only time I see my fiancee and because of that I try to eat normally (read: binge) so he doesn't see anything wrong with me. During the week i restrict trying to stay below 1000 kCal, but weekends all that goes out the window and my weekly defect is destroyed. :( I just hate it so much, i love weekends and the relaxation they bring but sometimes wish they didnt exist.

[Other] Tried the No Cow bar based on a rec from someone here..
/u/damnitimtoast [5'2"| CW 114.5lbs | BMI 21.03 | -22 lbs | GW 110 lbs | 23F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 07:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78nk4h/tried_the_no_cow_bar_based_on_a_rec_from_someone/
It was awful. It was the Raspberry truffle flavor and it tasted like straight gasoline. I'm pissed I wasted the cals eating half of that lol will definitely stick to Quest bars from now on

[Other] Fasting
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 100 | 16.84| GW 94 | F 22]
Created: Wed Oct 25 07:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78njyt/fasting/
So I've recently started getting into fasting. I've never been much of a faster, especially before I relapsed again. When I semi recovered, I didn't count calories or ever skip breakfast (I'm a breakfast whore) regardless of the quantity or time i had eaten last the night before. Now in my second time around and coming off a binge cycle, I want to try my hand at fasting. So far I've kinda sucked but I've been using that app and it's really motivating. Fuck you breakfast lol. But what counts as breaking that fast? Is it up to you individually? Like did I break it by chewing a piece of gum and having something to drink? Coffee? Gum doesn't count as food right? Overall I want to abstain from calories during my fast, but mostly just food in general for the duration. What counts as breaking your fasts?

[Discussion] I'm the fat ED person.
/u/IHateBloodElves [5'3" | 136 | 25 | -38 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 06:47:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78nfr8/im_the_fat_ed_person/
Hello everyone.

Yes, my nightmare has become true. I'm sick since years now ... and I'm fat. No need to say more, my BMI is overweight and the fat between those thighs don't lie. I'm the fat pro ED person.

I've been struggling with anorexia first, at the age of 13 thanks to Internet and those various ways of blowing your mind with ideas of perfection (pro ana sites, porn sites, tumblr, skinny whealthy friends on FB ...) and then, bulimia. Then switching with both. Then hyperphagia. Then anorexia again. And the loop never ends. I'm 20 now.

I can't say this is happening to everyone. I'm against fat acceptance bullshit, plus promoting obesity or anorexia is completely dumb. I'm just saying that I'm sick, I'm fat and sometimes I'm not. I'm struggling with anorexia and bulimia and nowadays, times are really hard.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 25, 2017
Created: Wed Oct 25 06:11:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78n959/daily_food_diary_october_25_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday October 25, 2017
Created: Wed Oct 25 06:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78n90b/way_to_go_wednesday_october_25_2017/
This is the weekly achievement thread for October 25, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Discussion] Is anyone else liquid fasting today?
/u/ribcage666 [5'8.5" | bmi 21.2 | -62 lbs | F 🌿]
Created: Wed Oct 25 05:53:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78n611/is_anyone_else_liquid_fasting_today/
I've been bingeing so terribly and I'm up almost 4 lbs. I'm supposed to get my period this week but still, I'm sure at least some of that is real weight...I really need to get this under control so I'm going to do a liquid fast today. I'm going to have coffee, tea, water and if necessary, as much vegetable broth as I want (each broth cube has 40 cal, I make each serving with 1/2 the cube).

I woke up with a killer chest cold so I can easily use lack of appetite as an excuse. I just need to remember that bingeing is a choice - the food will always be there for me when I want or need it, and I can eat it sensibly at a later date or even binge at a later date if I need to, but I WILL NOT BINGE TODAY!

Anyone else? 💕 💕

[Rant/Rave] binge! :(
Created: Wed Oct 25 05:51:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78n5rh/binge/

[Rant/Rave] Just....sad
Created: Wed Oct 25 05:45:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78n4t5/justsad/
I’m on hour 83 of my fast, feeling kinda crappy but I’m okay. I was planning on breaking it next week when my husband and I go to California for our anniversary. I was so excited, because vacations are the only time I let myself eat normally and don’t/try not to think about it. I’ve also got this crazy travel bug and want to see the world before I have kids.

Husband texts me yesterday saying he has to take a bunch of prerequisites (he’s going back to school for his masters) and we have to cancel the trip and use our vacation money to pay for school. I’m so upset. Trying to be positive about it but it’s so so hard.

Now, I feel like I have nothing to break this fast for. I feel like I’m going to keep at it until I shrivel away. I thought that’s what I wanted but I’m actually so bummed about it.

He tried to make me feel better by saying we’ll take small day trips on weekends but it’s not the traveling I crave, and it’s certainly not the food experience I hoped for. I really feel like I have nothing to go on.

On a positive note, I had a whoosh! My scale says I went down from 114 to 110 overnight, but it’s stuck on 3 lbs, so it’s really about 111 to 107! Lowest weight since high school! Now I just have to not fuck it up....

[Rant/Rave] Today is my final fitting for my wedding dress.
Created: Wed Oct 25 05:11:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78mzew/today_is_my_final_fitting_for_my_wedding_dress/
And I'm completely freaking out. I've lost about eight to ten pounds since I went in for the first fitting last month and I know the seamstress is going to be annoyed. I don't know why but I chose a mermaid style strapless dress so it has to fit like a glove.

My wedding is one month from today and I'm hoping to lose eight pounds before then. I don't know how that will affect the fit of the dress but I don't feel like I have any other choice. I don't want to look at my wedding photos and fixate on how fat my face looks.

[Help] TMI: Anyone else here seem to be chronically sick?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 102.9 | 18.8 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 05:08:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78myug/tmi_anyone_else_here_seem_to_be_chronically_sick/
For the past month I have been absolutely suffering. It started with what I think was a caffeine overdose, where I passed out and was very nauseous/had diarrhea. Then, for about two weeks, I had terrible gas. I was so bloated it hurt and it smelt terrible. THEN when that seemed to fix itself, I thought I got food poisoning because I had really bad diarrhea again and now my lower torso is constantly hurting and although I'm not getting diarrhea I'm still having to go really suddenly and my whole abdomen will be hurting so badly beforehand I can't move.

Has anyone ever experienced something like this?? I'm taking probiotics, anti gas, anti acids, digestive enzymes, omeprazole.. dude I don't know what else to do :(

[Rant/Rave] My birthday is tomorrow, but I don't want it.
Created: Wed Oct 25 05:00:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78mxj6/my_birthday_is_tomorrow_but_i_dont_want_it/
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but I don't remember the last time I felt this shitty about myself. I'm chained to my scale, and a toilet..... I keep saying, "It's your damn birthday, enjoy it." But honestly, I can't. I know this is all so stupid, but I just needed to rant for a second.

[Rant/Rave] regular at my cafe made my day
/u/ladytulips [5'7'' | 124lbs | 19.4 | -28lbs | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 25 04:45:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78mvam/regular_at_my_cafe_made_my_day/
so, i'm a waitress at a small cafe with a lot of regulars. there is one particular man who comes every morning, and he is always very chatty and pleasant. today we started talking about his weight loss journey, he used to be overweight and has lost over a 100 lbs. he is telling me about how he used to look, and glances at me, proclaiming 'i was never naturally skinny like you, so i've had to really work my ass off.' i laugh, we talk some more and i'm feeling so elated! the rest of the shift was just me strolling around all giddy. a 'stranger' has never told me that before, and it felt so fucking good.

have you guys had any unexpected compliments given to you that made you really happy/motivated? i love hearing about nice people :)

[Discussion] Bisexuality + self comparison to other women
Created: Wed Oct 25 04:12:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78mqk2/bisexuality_self_comparison_to_other_women/
Idk if there are any other bi/lesbian/queer/etc. People with food issues here, but I'm having such a hard time reconciling my attraction to women and comparing my body to theirs in a way that makes me always feel like shit and sometimes can trigger me.

Even when I'm thinking about women in a romantic context, I keep thinking about what her body looks like compared to mine and it's like I can't even begin to form a relationship or bond with her because I'm so envious and self loathing.

[Rant/Rave] 50 day
Created: Wed Oct 25 01:54:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78m8mu/50_day/
I come home from travel school in 50 days and i promised myself that when i was away i would lose weight and come home skinny yet here i am binging so much and it literally makes me feel like i have no worth. i can't fucking do one thing right. i don't fucking know what to do. if i want to get down 15 lbs by the time i'm home i have to eat 800 cals and not binge but knowing me i'll restrict, binge, get upset, repeat and nothing will come of it. i can't do anything right. fml

[Discussion] Supplements?
/u/PixTheFairy [5"0 | CW 123.6 | BMI 23.6 | HW 150lbs | UGW 90lbs]
Created: Wed Oct 25 01:44:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78m7d0/supplements/
I take a multivitamin every day when I'm restricting but I'm wondering what's missing from that.
I'm in the UK.

Can anyone recommend some good supplements I should buy to help alleviate any symptoms of my extreme restriction? I don't want to be unhealthy. I just can't help it at the moment.

[Discussion] Any other chronic relapsers out there?
Created: Wed Oct 25 00:15:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78luyh/any_other_chronic_relapsers_out_there/
This is kind of a pointless post, but I don’t know where else I would talk about this.
I feel like I’m never restricting for extended periods at a time anymore? I relapse for two months and lose 10kg or so, have one big binge which triggers me to eat “normally” again aka glorified binge for a month while hating myself and gain all of the weight back, then have The Epiphany TM and do it all over again. I’m not talking like “oh I’ve relapsed 4 or 5 times” I’m talking 4 or 5 times a year if not more. I guess you could call it ednos (I’m diagnosed under atypical anorexia) but it feels different...
I guess I just wonder does anybody else feel like this?

[Help] Not sure if it's time to stop
Created: Wed Oct 25 00:04:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lt9x/not_sure_if_its_time_to_stop/
I've been counting calories since I was in 7th grade. I'm 24 now and married and almost finished with school and I'm so lost. I never thought when I was 13 that I'd still be doing this 10 years later. I thought it would end when I reached my goal weight. Back then I was 93 lbs. 93 lbs. Granted, I'm a little taller now but not that much. I went all the way up to 115 then back down and then back up. I'm 103 lbs and 5'5" (BMI=17.1) and I'm still terrified of gaining a lb.

Every bite of food feels like cement in my mouth and in my stomach. I hate the feeling of food in my mouth and in my body. Every time I look in the mirror I see another flab that I need to fix.

My husband, my friends, my family, I hide it from them all. They love me so much but I'm barely hanging on to my life. They think I'm almost ready to recover. But I can't recover. What if I get fat? What if the weight never comes off again? I almost like my body now, how can I quit when I'm so close?

I eat vitamins and drink water and and ensure so I get the nutrients I need. I get about 500 calories a day, is it so bad if I maintain like this forever? I can survive like this, I'm good at this. I'm not too tired or broken, I really think that maybe that's all I need.

But then I think of starting a family with my husband. I think about having his kids and raising a family with him. He'd be such an amazing father. He's so kind and patient and loving. The way he tries to take care of me, how gentle he is and how thoughtful. He deserves so much better than broken me. He deserves a wife who can get pregnant and have a healthy baby. Who won't freak out when her belly bulges out and she gains 40 lbs.

He says he married me for me, that he didn't marry me for the kids. That we can adopt, that I can get better. But I see him with his nieces, how much he loves them. How excited he is to start a family. I want that with him too.

But I'm still so scared. What if I can't lose the weight after pregnancy? I will have to start all over. I feel so selfish but I need this so badly.

[Intro] I'm glad to be back, it's been a hell of a ride
/u/crc10320 [5'1'' | 127 | - 53 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 23:56:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ls51/im_glad_to_be_back_its_been_a_hell_of_a_ride/
So about a year and a half ago I lost about 50lbs, it felt incredible. It was all I wanted, being cold, large sweaters, people calling me tiny, fasting all the time. It was the dream. My alcoholism was getting terrible, I was wasting away so I had to quit my job and went to rehab. I moved into a halfway house after for a few months, then took a job on a cruise ship. Then moved to a new city for a job, quit that job and found a new one I liked. Now I'm alone in a new-ish city and fat. It took a year and a half, and I'm fucking fat. So much has happened in 1.5 I can't even believe to explain but here I am. Last week I started restricting again, and it feels so good (besides the constant hunger ugh) but I feel like myself again. I missed the obsessive counting, and documenting. Drinking tea, water and coffee constantly. This is it for me, Here's to a second try, and my last try.

Anyone else document excerise/calories/weight? I even use an excel sheet with a graph lol

I love this community, yall keep me strong <3

[Other] ...and I'm gonna need your help
/u/onlysaysNOO [5'3 | CW ??| BMI 15.?|F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 23:55:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lry6/and_im_gonna_need_your_help/
So darlings, as a lot of you know, I'm headed down recovery road! I'm excited to not feel like shit all the time, and to stop hating myself for every little thing I do.

And I'm gonna document how I do it in this thread. Maybe some people will find it helpful. Or something I don't know. So there's gonna be lots of talk about food, about gaining a bit of weight, and I dunno. About stuff that I go through as I try to fix all the damage I've done.

I'm not gonna go back to my highest weight unless I'm more muscular. I was a chunkster and I wasn't even big I was just so so little muscle tone.
So my goal

I'm at about 82 lbs, 5'3", bmi of something like 14.98.

I've always been small but this is nuts. I can't lay down at all without hurting some bone or bruising myself. It's gross. It's like I suddenly got slapped out of dysmorphia. Not totally. But a bit.

I aim to be about 95 lbs. Not super drastic, but healthier. Normal for me. Better than this.

So today I had my first breakfast in years. I had waffles with my favourite low fat peanut butter. I refused to count the calories in MFP even though the numbers are pounding into my head. I'm shoving those aside and ignoring them.

Lunch was some fries from the caf. That way I can't be certain of the number.
Dinner was some leftover annies mac n cheese, which I refused to measure out but was about a cup and a half because you can just tell anyways.
Two more waffles to get those numbers up and to satisfy the carb craving and also because I need groceries SO BAD.

I feel a bit bloated and sore, but it's gonna take time. I have a couple friends who are really helpful and encouraging, but it's mostly me on my own.

Meds have been taken and it's almost time for sleep my loves, my brave, strong wonderful darlings.

I hope this is allowed and helpful

[Rant/Rave] Perhaps my lowest ed moment
Created: Tue Oct 24 23:29:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lo7l/perhaps_my_lowest_ed_moment/

Perhaps my lowest ed moment: hunched Gollum-style in the bathroom at work c/s a cookie into the toilet. ~just ana things~
Created: Tue Oct 24 23:27:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lnvf/perhaps_my_lowest_ed_moment_hunched_gollumstyle/

[Goal] 10-15ish lbs until I’m normal weight/BMI
Created: Tue Oct 24 23:26:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lnr6/1015ish_lbs_until_im_normal_weightbmi/
Right now I think I’m around 150ish, maybe more/less. I don’t have a scale so I usually just go by jean size (27, hopefully 26 by the end of this month). And according to the BMI chart I’m 10 lbs away from being “normal”.

Even though I have a food “problems” (purge and exercise)... I don’t think I’m overweight, but I know I’m definitely not thin. I wonder if the BMI chart is right for me since I swim and workout so I would think I have some muscle, which isn’t muscle supposed to be heavier than fat?

Either way I hope that by spring I’ll at least be 135 (with a flat stomach) or 130 (with a toned/six pack outline). I’ll be able to wear a two piece and have a good tan for summer.

[Discussion] possibly dumb question: is it possible for the scale to be inaccurate in that it's too low?
/u/emotionalthr0w [5'9 23F. SW:182 CW:134 BMI 19.43]
Created: Tue Oct 24 22:58:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ljce/possibly_dumb_question_is_it_possible_for_the/
i'm obsessed with my scale. i weigh myself a few times at different places in my room to be sure the measurement is correct, especially if i'm happy with the result. i'm really anal about not wearing anything/ not having eaten yet when i weigh myself so i don't get a reading that's inaccurately high.

i'm wondering if there are any factors that you guys know of that cause the reading to be inaccurately low, though? besides a broken scale, that is. i was thinking dehydration maybe?

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like they do this because they're weak?
Created: Tue Oct 24 22:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lfil/does_anyone_else_feel_like_they_do_this_because/
I'm not able to make it the hard way. I don't have the willpower to stick it through. I feel like I'm...cheating whenever I throw up or starve myself, but I don't want to stop either, since I know ill undo everything I did. I'm not really frustrated or sad about it, but I sometimes I just wish I could be better

Not sure if it's time to stop
Created: Tue Oct 24 22:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lc41/not_sure_if_its_time_to_stop/

[Help] I don’t feel underweight and it’s like Im being lied to
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 112| GW 105| BMI 16.3| 19F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 22:10:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78lbln/i_dont_feel_underweight_and_its_like_im_being/
The scale says I weigh 112 and that I am 5’9. The BMI calculator gives me 16.3 and warns me that I’m underweight. People online say that being this weight will cause health problems and that its basically the end of the world.

But I feel...fine? I look in the mirror and all I see is my fat. At best, I look average. Maybe my body structure is something to do with this? Because nobody calls me skinny or anything. My hair isnt falling out, I still get periods, I never feel faint despite eating 600 cals a day. In fact, 600 is pretty damn filling and I can easily eat 400 a day if I so choose.

But according to medical websites I should be on the brink of death or something. I can’t help but think that the whole BMI/underweight thing is highly subjective and that some people are healthier at a certain BMI than others.

Or am I just deluded?

[Rant/Rave] losing weight is painfully slow
Created: Tue Oct 24 21:27:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78l3x2/losing_weight_is_painfully_slow/

[Rant/Rave] I'm a terrible, worthless person
/u/gayishfish [5'7" | CW: embarrassing | BMI: high | -9 lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 20:30:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78kspf/im_a_terrible_worthless_person/
I recently got back in touch with a girl I used to be really close to. She told me she is anorexic now, which is not a surprise to me. She has had an ED for as long as I've known her but now she accepts it for what it is I suppose. Even though we "got back in touch", I can tell she really wants nothing to do with me. Like she pity-replies but sometimes she doesn't reply at all. Sometimes I sit and wait and wait and wait for a reply from her because I am the most pathetic person in the world.

The worst part is, ever since she told me she is anorexic, it has been the fuel to push me to lose as much weight as possible. I'm so fucking lame, I want her to think I'm skinny. If I'm skinny, maybe she will want to talk to me more. Idk why I want her to talk to me so bad... I just do. It's like I'm using her to fuel my own ED and that is so terrible and wrong. The logical part of my brain believes I should just leave her alone, but the STUPID part of me is fixating.

It's so much more motivating to have a real life thinspo, let me tell you.... But it's also like ten million times more painful (not true, obv, but I'm feeling dramatic).

Sorry for the rant.. I just feel so alone...

[Rant/Rave] My Brain Just Made Fat Even Grosser
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 19:50:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78kkrx/my_brain_just_made_fat_even_grosser/

[Rant/Rave] typical rant :))
Created: Tue Oct 24 19:35:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78khq8/typical_rant/

[Rant/Rave] Got to the lowest weight that I've been at for a long time. Cue 2700 calorie surplus.
Created: Tue Oct 24 19:19:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78keic/got_to_the_lowest_weight_that_ive_been_at_for_a/
Breaks my fucking heart that I am the way that I am. I don't know what else to say. I'm not even panicking, or particularly upset. This is just all so routine now.

I just sit and calculate how long it will take to fix. I'll just get to the day where I can finally start living my life a few days later, right?

I hate myself so much that it's not even a fire anymore. Just this cold disappointment.

[Discussion] Need some advice from the only people who will get it.
Created: Tue Oct 24 19:06:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78kc07/need_some_advice_from_the_only_people_who_will/
So I work in an office with mostly men, but this year a new female has started. We get along well, but she is obsessed with food.

I kind of think she doesn't have an ED because of how open she is - she's always talking about needing to lose weight (she's average size, not fat or skinny), being on a diet, wondering how many calories are in things. Whereas I squirrel away and quietly decline food offers, don't like to talk about being on a 'diet'.

I like hanging out with her because I don't hang out with my friends much as it's always food and drink related - she is happy to go to an exercise class or a low cal lunch somewhere. But as much as I want a new friend I'm worried she's not the best person for me to hang around due to her CONSTANTLY talking about her weight and dieting (plus I'm fatter than she is lol).

Part of me feels like maybe when I'm thinner than her it will be easier to spend time with her? I know I do it to people too but her saying she's fat makes me think that she thinks I'm hell fat.

Also bonus story - we went shopping and we both happen to be the same size. She said like 3 times 'i can't believe we are the same size?!' I of course took this as she can't believe it because I'm so much fatter than her. My bf says it's probably because she is a lot taller than me. But I'll still need a few years to get over it 😂

Not really sure what I'm asking for here but appreciate any thoughts on the matter!

[Rant/Rave] Aggressively being hit on by someone who could ruin my career?
Created: Tue Oct 24 17:44:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78juld/aggressively_being_hit_on_by_someone_who_could/
Just a rant (on mobile, please flag)? Want to put it in my career's sub but worried he'll find it. He ain't even in my exact same career. Ugh. Regardless.

So this guy is cute, friendly, smart, used to be fat, and could probably help get me hired where I want. It's a competitive field.

He is now aggressively hitting on me, complimenting me, asking for pics ( like A LOT, AGGRESIVELY, CERTAIN POSES!?!?!?) And like 1, I hate my body but moreover, 2, I have a boyfriend and he knows this. He knows I'm in this part of the country because of my boyfriend??? And we exchanged numbers because he has a little kid and I babysit. Totally innocent. Now I honestly want to be rude and tell him off... but he could make it so I don't get hired.

I just need to rant. He also told me I am gorgeous and to keep doing what I'm doing. Like sticking my fingers down my throat and still being fat? Cool thanks

EDIT: I'm honestly probably just being dramatic but I'm so uncomfortable

[Discussion] Anyone have an ED snapchat
Created: Tue Oct 24 17:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78jsdo/anyone_have_an_ed_snapchat/
Mine is msocal96 add me for aaaalll the binge haul pics lmao 😇💝

[Rant/Rave] How many days for you to even out after indulging?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 141.4 | UGW 105 | 24/F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 17:19:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78jp46/how_many_days_for_you_to_even_out_after_indulging/
I was 141.4 on Saturday. The scale this morning said 148.0. I'm to the point in my ED after many years where I'm peeved by the number but can rationalize that it's not pure fat.

On Sunday, I ate chinese takeout. Easily my TDEE or barely over. However, it's very high in sodium. That meant I was 145 the next day. Yesterday I ate TDEE as well, but also sodium heavy since it's wasn't homemade. I feel like garbage, but have been downing water like it's nobody's business.

I wouldn't consider it a binge; just poor choices. But damn it it's driving me crazy trying to figure out how long before I level out again. I'm fasting because it's just too hot to eat anything and nothing sounds good after the past two days anyway.

How long before you guys go back to your pre-weight? A week? A few days?

[Discussion] LiveJournal
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Tue Oct 24 17:02:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78jldw/livejournal/
About 10 years ago I was a member of LiveJournal’s pro Ana community. Was anyone else? I’m trying to see if I can still remember my username... The community was very similar to this one ❤️. It would be kind of cool if some of us have communicated years before ☺️

[Rant/Rave] my face is so FUCKING BLOATED
Created: Tue Oct 24 16:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78jj2d/my_face_is_so_fucking_bloated/

[Thinspo] Couples thinspo anyone?
Created: Tue Oct 24 16:04:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78j83m/couples_thinspo_anyone/

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by a DOG
/u/gigaponyyy [5'5 | 122 | UGW 100 🦄 | 30F 👵🏻]
Created: Tue Oct 24 16:02:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78j7l7/triggered_by_a_dog/
I hit a new low today. My mom's dog triggered me real hard. I shall explain:

I know everyone has stressors in their lives, mine right now happen to be just. THE WORST. Today was not a good day. Typically when I have my "shit together" I'm a high restricter who sometimes eats her TDEE and then exercise purges. But for about 2 months now I've been restricting pretty hard. I live abroad and am back visiting the states for a couple weeks which has been pretty comforting to me. I have all my "safe foods" here and want to eat them instead of being sub-500 cal every day like I am when I'm abroad. But this morning I went through some pretty bad emotional stuff and lost my appetite for a bit.

By the time late afternoon rolled around, I convinced myself that I needed to eat *something*. My mom had just gotten back from the store so I made a little meat and cheese plate for myself and sat down on the couch to eat it. A few bites in, I looked down to see her dog hovering around, staring at me, watching me eat, and it immediately brought me back to this awful memory of when whatever my ED is first reared its ugly head.

My husband passed away a couple years ago and I vividly remember, all of his relatives, my relatives, our friends in one house with tons of food around, all of them wanted to feed me, to comfort me, to help me feel better, and something inside of me just could not stomach the thought of them staring at me, watching me eat. So, when I did eat, it was by myself (just a protein bar. lots of liquid vitamins) or I would push my food around on the plate and leave after a couple of minutes. I will never be able to explain it but I just didn't want any of them to see me eat. I felt nauseous just sitting around other people. That feeling ended up sticking around with me for months until I slowly felt okay-ish enough to start eating and exercising again, probably over exercising and under eating, but it was something.

For some fucked up reason, my mom's dog sitting next to me...licking her lips and staring...sent me straight back to that nightmare place and time. I have that same pit of grief in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I feel so worthless and mad that a freaking DOG made me feel this way. I never want to eat again.

[Rant/Rave] Shoutout to everyone else in the midwest/places that are cold/getting colder
/u/eggshellss [5'4"| :( | :( | -25 | 24F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 16:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78j7f4/shoutout_to_everyone_else_in_the_midwestplaces/

two sweatshirts and infinite amounts of tea/broth/coffee can't help

spent the better part of the day under a blanket even though I would have been much more productive if I left home (writing my Masters thesis rn)

tis the life

[Rant/Rave] Scared about Halloween Weekend
Created: Tue Oct 24 15:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78iv9b/scared_about_halloween_weekend/

[Help] Beaten up by little sister, anorexia is ruining my life
Created: Tue Oct 24 14:44:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78iotg/beaten_up_by_little_sister_anorexia_is_ruining_my/

[Help] i fainted
/u/til_wednesday [5'8" | CW: 110 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 14:39:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78inm1/i_fainted/
i had 420 calories worth of nutrition bars for breakfast and i still had to excuse myself from class because of dizziness, where i proceeded to dry heave and faint in the bathroom stall, like the sophisticate i am.

i ate ~1,500 calories yesterday. i'm not thin nor am i restricting heavily.

has this happened to anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] Menstrual cycles and mental health
/u/sugarfreeicetea [5'7?|-22?|18F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 14:16:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ihw0/menstrual_cycles_and_mental_health/
My last cycle just ended yesterday and it was 67 days. It’s probably not just my ED because I don’t restrict that low and a ton of other factors (fucked up my body with birth control, moved out, college is stressful, got sick twice).

When I was 5 days late I started having the intrusive thought that I was pregnant, which is a recurring intrusive thought for me- I've been having ‘pregnancy scares’ since I was 15 and on birth control, so it was nothing new. But the past month I’ve been so paranoid and actually started to believe I might be pregnant.

It literally got to the point last night where I was nauseous and shaking because I was convinced I might be pregnant, so I spent $15 on 3 pregnancy tests. I’ve considered buying pregnancy tests in the past but it had never gotten to that point and literally on friday I said ‘I'm not going to spend $9 on an intrusive thought’ jokingly while walking past some with my roommate who knew I was late.
I took them and they came out negative which made me feel worlds better. Later in the night I talked with a friend who also thinks they are the next virgin mary when they are even one day late, which was very comforting.

So, after all of that yesterday, I just now found out I got my period today. This has to be some kind of sick joke...

Edit: Formatting

I look so fat today
Created: Tue Oct 24 14:06:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78if4x/i_look_so_fat_today/

[Rant/Rave] Hate is a weird feeling
Created: Tue Oct 24 13:38:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78i84y/hate_is_a_weird_feeling/

[Rant/Rave] Scared about seasonal weight gain
/u/napalmlife_ [5'6" | 104 | 16.78 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 13:31:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78i6cl/scared_about_seasonal_weight_gain/
Soooo I am having anxiety over the possibility of gaining weight this winter. It seems to happen to me pretty much every year, but this past winter was the absolute worst. I skyrocketed to 118 lbs, which is the highest weight I've ever been. I was really really stressed after going to the psychiatric hospital for a week in november, and I think that and a new medication contributed to my weight gain but STILL I feel like every winter my thighs and face get fatter. Like seriously why my face?? I saw pictures of my face from last year and I wanted to run away screaming.
Does anyone else have this seasonal weight gain issue or annoying facial weight gain?

[Help] How many calories would a corndog from a school cafeteria be?
/u/aziz18023 [5'7| CW: 111 | GW: 105 | M/15]
Created: Tue Oct 24 13:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78i5hn/how_many_calories_would_a_corndog_from_a_school/

[Discussion] Period weight gain?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: who knows? | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 12:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hsig/period_weight_gain/

[Discussion] My boyfriend watching porn triggers the shit out of me.
Created: Tue Oct 24 12:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hr2k/my_boyfriend_watching_porn_triggers_the_shit_out/
I'm not really sure why as I've never had an issue in the past and would watch porn semi-frequently but lately whenever I see the "PH" for Pornhub on my boyfriend's internet home screen on his phone or pick up his phone to look something up and see a gif of some chicks giant boobs bouncing (mine are small and deflated from fluctuations) I just die inside. I don't think I have the right to tell him to stop so I don't say anything but it just really really gets to me.

[Help] Hunger pains?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: who knows? | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 12:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hqlq/hunger_pains/

[Discussion] How bad was your last b/p cycle and how did you end it?
/u/shrink-me [5'5" | 124 | 20.6 | GW 115 | 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 12:16:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hnc1/how_bad_was_your_last_bp_cycle_and_how_did_you/
In need of some solidarity. I'm miserably 4 days into another b/p cycle, with yesterday being the worst at 3 b/p in a row (think white bread, jam, waffles, other pastries, white rice, ramen, grapes, almonds... ugh)

What's your best way of getting out of a cycle? Are you still in a cycle? Tell me your all your troubles and we'll commiserate together 😭♥️

[Rant/Rave] what is going on
Created: Tue Oct 24 12:07:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hl2u/what_is_going_on/
i've been fasting all day. it's now 7pm and there was a chocolate bar on my bench and i was craving it sooo much and i knew that i'd end of eating it all if i didn't taste a bit of it so i literally opened the chocolate bar and licked it and put it in the fridge (gross, i know. i just wanted the flavour) technically i didn't break my fast so why!!!do!!!i!!!feel!!!so!!!guilty AHHHH

[Rant/Rave] My period/PMS never fails to set me back
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW 131 | HW 155 | GW 110 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 11:45:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hf9t/my_periodpms_never_fails_to_set_me_back/
Earlier this month, I hit my LW of 130 lbs since the past 4 years (omg i've been fat for so long now). But last week, I started PMSing with horrible cramps and ate my way up to 135 lbs. I'm in the middle of my period now and I'm finally starting to debloat, but I'm still at 134 :(

I feel like I gain 4 lbs every month from my period, and the rest of the time is spent restricting like crazy to lose more than 4 lbs so I can make some progress. It is SO frustrating. I need to try harder.

Does anyone else get thrown off by their time of month?

[Rant/Rave] The New BMI screwed with me mentally..
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'1" |CW:124lbs | GW:115lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 11:41:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78hefs/the_new_bmi_screwed_with_me_mentally/
On the old BMI I was 19.45% body fat I was happy with this and stuck to my fasting but didn't feel the overwhelming guilt I used to(as much). This helped a lot with my urge to purge. On the new BMI I am at 24.63% body fat at the same weight... its almost like all the progress I was making was for nothing. Like I need to restrict even more. It set me back and now I feel lost... Did anyone else have a similar feeling when they checked the new BMI?

[Other] My BMI finally dropped below 19!!!! (body check)
Created: Tue Oct 24 11:25:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78habn/my_bmi_finally_dropped_below_19_body_check/

My thighs at 127 (5'8"). I almost like them. Almost...
/u/floodinginmymind [5'8" | CW: 135 | BMI: 20.4 | WL: 47 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 11:20:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78h915/my_thighs_at_127_58_i_almost_like_them_almost/

[Rant/Rave] hungry
Created: Tue Oct 24 11:00:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78h3zu/hungry/

[Rant/Rave] Was used for the first time, feels like crap.
/u/TooCool4Shoe [5'1 | CW: 125 | |-25lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 10:38:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gynu/was_used_for_the_first_time_feels_like_crap/
Looking for some related personal experiences from you guys, too. Has this happened to you before? How did you handle it? How are you feeling now?

I was talking to a friend for quite some time after a rough patch, it was going absolutely great, but he stopped chatting with me for a while after our talks got a bit sexual. I was devastated, he seemed genuinely interested in being a friend or even more, as we've hinted. Our talks were mostly him gloating about the sex he's had in his life, our age difference is quite big (15 yrs). After a few months I wanted to see what's up, we talked, I slept with him to validate that we were on good terms, I suppose.... but he went right back to ghosting me. I feel like he was manipulating me the whole time, looking back on some of our conversations.

But I keep telling myself 'maybe it's just the way he is'. But at this point, I don't think it is. I know I was silly and naiive, but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this now. I only notice bad social cues after i've had a while to process them, ED makes the brain spacey when people talk to me most of the time.

[Help] I need to dress up
/u/noidea744 [5'3| CW 110.8 | BMI 20|F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 10:31:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gwwu/i_need_to_dress_up/
I had it planned out, just avoid Halloween like I do every year, just avoid Halloween, the kids go to my mum's so even if I go with them I don't need to dress up but I was supposed to be working on Saturday, which was my reason for skipping a Halloween party, now I'm not working so I kinda need to go to the party. And I'll have to dress up. I'm rather panicking! I'd appreciate some advice, I could go with some baggy onesie type thing that hides my shape alot and doesn't really feel like I'm dressed up or I could actually make an effort for once and go with some skimpy "sexy" thing like my boyfriend has mentioned three times already which I would tolerate for one night but "sexy" isn't something that really works with someone who looks like me. Opinions please? I feel bad that I don't make that kind of effort for him but I only don't do it because even looking pretty isn't something that works for me

To make it worse my boyfriend is going as a skeleton and has made a few comments about how it works for him since he's so skinny.

[Rant/Rave] Glamorous?
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Tue Oct 24 10:06:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gqhr/glamorous/
So for most of us here, we have a strong desire to be thin. A lot of people associate being thin with being happy. Thus, many of us glamorize weight-loss and there’s an entire community devoted to it (thinspo)

I’m not here to say I dislike thinspo because I view it all the time. What bothers me is no one shows the negatives of eating disorders. Again- not this sub per se but the overall ed community. Well here are some personal issues that I deal with daily due to my ed

My electrolyte levels are unbalanced

One of my molars is cracked and the tooth next to it is only 1/2 of a tooth. Years of purging have destroyed my teeth.

[teeth ](https://imgur.com/a/oxMb9)

I always wanted to have 3 children but years of abusing my body has left me with secondary infertility. My sister and sister-in-law are both pregnant right now. I always wanted my sister and I to be pregnant at the same time and that will never happen. It’s devastating.

My hair falls out and is dull. No matter what I do. My finger nails are thin and break all the time.

I have so many medical bills piling up. I can’t fit into any of my clothes properly and I can’t afford new clothes. I’m always cold. I’m always tired. Despite all of this, I continue down this dead-end street.

If you’ve read this far... congrats for getting through my rambling. But in all seriousness, there is nothing glamorous about this. In fact, it’s pretty disgusting when you really look at it.

Sorry the first photo is blurry but you can see how transparent my front teeth are. You can also see areas of rot that I cannot remove. The backside of my teeth are stained and the enamel is wearing away....

[Intro] Back on the ED train after 8 years
/u/puzzlette [5' 9" | CDS 12 | GDS 6 | SDS 14 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 10:01:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gp4r/back_on_the_ed_train_after_8_years/
I don't know if this is the right place or way to post, but I wanted to express some relief and thoughts.

I've only just realised that i'm not just on a diet.

When I was 15 I developed bulimia during the hell on earth that was school. My food intake was heavily monitored by my family (have to clear your plate and all that), so i'd skip breakfast and lunch, and throw up as much dinner as I could. I never came clean, and after a year I recovered alone, not telling a soul.

Here I am, aged 23, and I've been eating under 700 calories a day for almost a month now. Haven't eaten a carb for 2. I've been big but comfortable (UK size 12) for years, and then suddenly I became a real whale. Stretch marks appeared overnight like a map of where I should be ashamed on my stomach.

So I cut down on food. No snacks, no soft drinks, no beer, no breakfast, no lunch. I'm already back to 12, and I'm not stopping here.

I feel terrible, but also fucking great. It's nice to know there's a little supportive community in this corner of reddit.

Also, as an aside, I don't weigh myself, because to me it's not how much I weigh, it's how I look. DAE gauge loss based on dress size alone?


[Discussion] Laxative abuse
/u/histrionicbitch [5'2" | 99 | 18 | 45 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 24 09:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gmgc/laxative_abuse/

[Discussion] Does anxiety come with ED?
/u/water_77 [💖✨^_^]
Created: Tue Oct 24 09:46:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78glco/does_anxiety_come_with_ed/
I used to restrict, then went to binge eating, and recently I've gone back to restricting. When I was restricting, my anxiety was so high. When I was binging, I had a lot less anxiety. But now that I'm going back to restricting, I think that I'm getting my anxiety back again. Is this for real or is it just placebo?

Or, better question, how can I not get anxiety again? I mean, I'd rather be skinny and anxious than fat and calm but still, anxiety is a real problem...

[Rant/Rave] Got my shit together
Created: Tue Oct 24 09:17:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gefw/got_my_shit_together/
Longggg time lurker, first post on a new throwaway. I hit my goal weight several months ago, and decided to throw it all away with a month long binge after moving out on my own. Didn't have a scale of my own when I left, so I got a nice one that tells fat percentage. Turns out I managed to gain 30 fucking pounds. I am on my 3rd day of a fast currently, and am 2.6 pounds lighter! I'm just so happy to be getting back, in my own fucked up head, together again that I needed people who understand to talk to. I forgot how good the blue Powerade zeros are haha. Thanks for listening!

[Discussion] Goals for this week!!!
Created: Tue Oct 24 09:08:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gce1/goals_for_this_week/

[Rant/Rave] Last night didn't end so well.
Created: Tue Oct 24 09:04:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78gbeu/last_night_didnt_end_so_well/
I'm on mobile, so I can't flair :c

This week has been a stressful week. Actually, this whole month has really been challenging, but I came home last night from work and told myself to just go to bed. Instead of doing that, I caved and ate 2000+ calories over my limit in a sleepy haze.
I'm trying to go easy on myself today, but I just feel as though I can't stop obsessing over why this happens and how this happens and how I can get rid of these calories and how it's going to affect my weight loss...etc...etc... I'm also scared that I'm slowly falling out of this space that I've created where restricting, particular habits and feelings are comforting, leading me to fall right back into binging and purging. I hate that shit. I honestly feel like I have no control over my ed a large majority of the time.
I'm currently at my mom's trying to use her elliptical, but it's just so hard. Like. I'm fucking exhausted physically and mentally...ugh. I went for an hour walk to minimize damage, but that really isn't shit. It's something, but it's not anything substantial.

Anyway, thank you for listening. I just had to get that off of my chest. I hope all of you are having a fabulous day, even though it's rainy and crummy 🌻

[Rant/Rave] Lying to my doctor
Created: Tue Oct 24 08:20:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78g1d4/lying_to_my_doctor/
last week i went to the doctors. the reason i went was not weight or ED related, it is slightly personal so i am not going to disclose why i went however the appointment turned from why i came to all about my weight. The doctor weighed me and measured me and said my BMI was close to underweight and asked if i was trying to lose weight since i've lost a lot from the last time i saw her. i said no (an obvious lie) and she said maybe i have thyroid issues or it's my anxiety making me lose weight (idk how that works, but she mentioned it). She booked me in for a blood test, which is tomorrow, and i can't help but feel guilty because i know why i'm losing weight.
i do not want to recover as even though i am nearly underweight, i still feel too fat! ahhhhh, the mind of someone with an ED, just brilliant:(

[Help] I'm losing it over a man, send help
Created: Tue Oct 24 07:18:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78fo0l/im_losing_it_over_a_man_send_help/

[Rant/Rave] A whoosh from the gods
/u/nervous_nandu [5'5" | CW 123.0 | LW/GW 98| 20F]
Created: Tue Oct 24 07:00:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78fk8z/a_whoosh_from_the_gods/
Every morning this week I’ve stepped on the scale thinking, “there’s no way I lost weight since yesterday, I ate pasta, and half a chipotle bowl!” and every morning I cease to amaze myself by losing another pound. You guys wouldn’t believe this:
10/18- 128.2
10/19- 126.8
10/20- 125.0
10/21- 125.0 (the only day that fucked up but at least I didn’t gain)
10/22- 124.6
10/24- 123.0

I haven’t weighed this little in about a year and a half and I can physically see the changes. Last month I was hanging around 131.

Sending best whooshes to all!

[Help] Gained 0.7 grams overnight on liquid fast
Created: Tue Oct 24 06:49:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78fi4x/gained_07_grams_overnight_on_liquid_fast/
Help, I’m about to freak out. How tf did I gain that much?? For two weeks I’ve been drinking under 400 calories, and yesterday even under 200 (it was the first night of tomato juice however). This is making me not wanting to intake anything, even water.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday October 24, 2017
Created: Tue Oct 24 06:10:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78fau3/thinspo_tuesday_october_24_2017/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 24, 2017
Created: Tue Oct 24 06:10:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78fatd/daily_food_diary_october_24_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] How do y’all maintain? I’m 5’4 and getting closer to my goal weight. I am terrified of maintenance. Please help me.
Created: Tue Oct 24 05:18:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78f24m/how_do_yall_maintain_im_54_and_getting_closer_to/
Throwaway because I am scared this q isn’t allowed (no idea why)

[Discussion] On the verge of my third hospitalization
Created: Tue Oct 24 01:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78e5a6/on_the_verge_of_my_third_hospitalization/
This is not my main obviously, but I was once a very active member on this sub. Very actively destroying my life.

I used to post daily back in febuary-may but I have deleted all of my posts and stopped myself from going on this sub. The only reason I am here is... well idk, just needed to get this out there.

I sorta had an ed for years, but I never let it get super bad, just maintained a slightly less than normal weight and I was pretty ok with it. But then I began hating myself more and more, and eventually wanted to do whatever it takes to be perfect.

In a few months I'd reached 88lbs and 5'5", even passed out a few times. I'd been trying to decide if this was worth it, did I really want to die? Or did I want to go through the slow and painful process of recovery?

Well my mom dragged me to the hospital where I spent one of the worst weeks of my life. Hooked up to the monitor 24/7, bathroom locked, door locked, and forced to eat disgusting food like melted ice cream.

But it all goes up from there right?

In a few months of little to no progress, I became lazy with the meals and snacks plan, as well as becoming more active with a job. At this point I was legitimately trying to get better. I'd stopped counting my calories, and I'd stopped skipping meals.

But one day I went to the doctor they said my orthostsis was back and I needed to be admitted again. I cried and cried until my nose was bleeding. This time was so much worse because I promised myself that I would never be back.

But now here I am again. If I don't clean up my act right now, I have to go back again. If I do end up going back I'm not lying anymore. Before I claimed to not eat due to stomach pain and indigestion, and while that is partially true because I have severe digestive issues, I also have anorexia and if I do need that 3rd hospitalization I'm going to be honest and get the full program.

If there is anyone out there looking for a recovery buddy, pm me.

[Rant/Rave] I love it, but I hate it
Created: Tue Oct 24 00:40:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78e0r8/i_love_it_but_i_hate_it/
I love being cold, but I also hate it.

Why I hate it: that's simple, it's not a nice feeling to freeze. It's not comfortable walking with freezing feet and you can't do anything with your hands.

Why I love it: the body has to work harder to keep warm. I don't know if it's true, but it feels like that burns more calories.

Does anyone else have this love / hate relationship with being cold?

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend says I’m an awkward combination of too skeletal and kind of chubby
Created: Mon Oct 23 23:47:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78dt00/my_boyfriend_says_im_an_awkward_combination_of/

[Rant/Rave] Friend has ED too
Created: Mon Oct 23 23:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78dnkt/friend_has_ed_too/

[Discussion] What rewards do you have planned?
/u/happychanges [5'11.5"| C: 165 | 22.28 | -26 |]
Created: Mon Oct 23 22:56:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78dl8m/what_rewards_do_you_have_planned/
I plan a lot of rewards for every span of time. I find it really motivating and I just love to plan the next time I will acknowledge in a concrete way how awesome I am.

I am fasting until Saturday and if I am under 160 then I am going to have an ice cream or Gelato. I know there is a quote "do not reward yourself with food, you are not a dog" but really, fuck off with that lol. I am going to be slim SO I can eat whatever I want.

I have lists and lists of clothing I want to buy when I reach my GW. I also have a custom necklace I will have made, a new ring, and I am going to get a massage, on top of a new holiday dress and unlimited cuddling time lol. My bf says that if I hit my goal I can sit on his recliner with him whenever I want.

I dream of the stockings and underwear and dresses I will buy. My bf is also going to treat me to a shopping spree and pay for mlthe gym membership I want.

I am so excited for maintenance too. I want my normal schedule to be five days of fasting during the week, followed by eating as much as I want of whatever I want without worrying.

I have other things I want to do too. A.n aerial ribbon class, rock climbing, wear a bikini, horseback ride, build up my stamina so we can go on backpacking trips.

I don't know if I am in denial or not. My GW is in the healthy range for my height, I just don't have an issue with extreme restricting to get there. I take my supplements and vitamins... Sometimes I feel like a poser even though I can related to so many things and I recognize a lot of my behaviors and attitudes in other people here.

I don't find normal weight loss subs all that motivating to be honest because the majority of people strike me as very weak willed and uninformed. I have had so many accountability buddies and they always disappear or completely fail and it's just irritating.

Fortunately I have found a few people that seem more reliable.

I know this is rambling haha but I want to see links and pics of all the things you want to do and buy. :)

[Rant/Rave] I hate my body.
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63.4 kg | BMI: 23.6 | -20.1 kg | 21F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 22:44:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78djin/i_hate_my_body/
I knew I shouldn't have stepped on a scale today. I knew it and did it anyway. I went from my plateau of 63kg back to 64.7kg? I weighted myself on sunday! Is it water weight? Maybe...but it could also be actual weight considering I ate like the pig that I am over the weekend. I just hate myself and wluld love to simk into the ground and nit come out until I'm at least back on track.

Rant end.

[Help] Loose skin?
Created: Mon Oct 23 22:19:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78deze/loose_skin/
Does anyone going from 140- to below by at least 20 know if they got loose skin? I want to lose even faster but not if i'll just look worse and i'm paranoid now i'm ruining myself. I'm 5"5.5 if that helps.

[Rant/Rave] I think about how much I hate food and hate my body 50+ times a day.
Created: Mon Oct 23 22:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78dd1j/i_think_about_how_much_i_hate_food_and_hate_my/
I don’t even have a diagnosed ED but god damn I HATE FOOD and hate eating in general bc I feel like everything I eat is unhealthy even if it’s fucking spinach or something. I was made fun of for not having an ass for years and began weightlifting and built a decent size one but I literally still feel like I have nothing at all and I hate my body. I’m dating the guy of my dreams and I don’t feel good enough for him even though he and nearly every guy I come in contact thinks I’m really attractive. I just want to not fucking hate my butt and my stomach fat and my thin hair and all this shit for one day of peace. Just one. It’s so hard having a voice yell st you that your fat and not good enough constantly. Not looking for compliments or anything either I just needed to write my thoughts out for a bit. Thank you :(

[Other] Staying at my aunt and uncle’s house in Portland (vegan heaven). Stuffed all the time, have to look at this during every meal 😩 meirl
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 21:38:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78d7c3/staying_at_my_aunt_and_uncles_house_in_portland/

[Rant/Rave] Friend’s comment making me paranoid
Created: Mon Oct 23 21:30:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78d604/friends_comment_making_me_paranoid/
This evening I hung out with a friend I haven’t seen in three months. Since I last saw her, I’ve lost 20 lbs. The first thing she said when she saw me was “Oh my god you’ve lost so much weight. Are you okay?”

I feel so confused now. The last thing I want is for people to notice my weight loss (or weight gain) because I assume they will think I have a problem. So when she says that, I immediately imagine that everyone has been thinking the same thing but not saying anything. This friend met me at my high weight so I’m really hoping that this weight loss seems more dramatic to her than it would to someone who knew me at my typically lower weight. And I know that people who see me every day won’t have the same level of reaction either. So I appreciate that she cares about me (and she actually guessed right that I’m not really okay) but still, now I feel so paranoid.

It’s so frustrating. I feel like I have a chorus of people in my head all judging me and my weight. I thought it would go away when I lost the extra weight I had gained. And it has been much quieter lately, but now it’s back and I feel almost as stressed as I did at my high weight. Does anyone else experience this? How do you make that feeling go away?

[Other] Free Coke Zero Sugar text SHUTOUT to 2653
/u/AngelicZero [5'5.5"|-39| UGW115 | 12 Days BF]
Created: Mon Oct 23 21:07:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78d1xq/free_coke_zero_sugar_text_shutout_to_2653/

[Help] I want help but I don't feel sick enough for help?
Created: Mon Oct 23 21:00:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78d0ip/i_want_help_but_i_dont_feel_sick_enough_for_help/
Does any one else struggle with this? Like this thing has destroyed my life. I know I need help but I think if I go to a doctor right now, they'll be like "no, no. You have to be skinny to have an eating disorder." I'm 5'7 and 140 pounds so definitely not skinny. But I can't stop b/ping. My life revolves around eating and throwing up. I've dropped out multiple times, I've lost jobs. But my mind is like "you're not good enough for help"

[Help] i want to try quest bars so bad but i'm nervous
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Mon Oct 23 20:58:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78d06h/i_want_to_try_quest_bars_so_bad_but_im_nervous/
they're so calorie-dense but i'm afraid eating one won't keep me full. i guess i'm asking for reassurance but i know bodies respond differently to things so i won't know till i try. i'm going to get a clif bar from the vending machine in my apartment tomorrow when i get back from class but i'm so nervous that it won't keep me feeling full and i'll be eating all of those calories in a little bar and it'll feel like nothing...

[Discussion] DAE: Purge for self harm?
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 105 | UGW 90 | 18 F | BMI 18.6😞]
Created: Mon Oct 23 20:43:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78cx94/dae_purge_for_self_harm/
I often find myself these days purging after eating very small planned meals if I get triggered by stress or by my very rude, critical, and abusive family. Today, I ate about 80 calories of blueberries in the morning then after my grandma made very rude comments about my ED "just get over it, watch what you eat if you haven't been purging so you don't get fat like you were as a kid" I've been hospitalized twice (she knows this also knows I've had an ED since I was 14) and have told her multiple times not to comment on my food and weight which she does daily and doesn't care. Some days I think she doesn't even care if I die idek. Anyways, I ate some cereal and halo top for about 260 calories making my daily total (380) and purged it and I made sure to do it very aggressively so it would hurt and my throat would be very sore afterwards. I have a history of cutting and burning, so I feel like I do this solely for self harm. I didn't even feel guilty about the calories because I had hardly eaten all day and it was under my planned intake.

[Discussion] I want to be a mom one day, but how do you keep your ED from affecting your kids negatively
/u/naughtyhotty [5'7.5 | CW:128 | BMI:19.8 | GW:115? | 22F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 20:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78csuh/i_want_to_be_a_mom_one_day_but_how_do_you_keep/
I used to be a huge Rihanna fan but when she recently gained all that weight, I was v disappointed to the point of not really being a fan anymore bc it was kinda triggering.

So with my future kids... lol. I just know that I'll fill my home with healthy food and cook healthy meals and preach the GMO thing... and make sure they are involved in sports.
If they become overweight despite those efforts.... I'm gonna be like... Um what are you doing??
I'll try not to use the word fat with them.....?
I know how to not be rude but if I notice weight gain I might accidentally give them a look

I think about this sometimes + I see people post about their crazy parents and i'm like... gulp that might be me.
I'm def a perfectionist when it comes to my own looks and body so.....

[Rant/Rave] 23/1 fasting, success ED brain, failure
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Mon Oct 23 19:18:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78cfzp/231_fasting_success_ed_brain_failure/
Have been proud of sticking to my 23/1 fasting hours. But the last 3 days I have over eatenduring that hour ugghhhh. Today I kept it under 2,000. But two days before sucked! Note to future me (even though I predicted this) DO NOT buy Halloween mini candy thinking oh, great, these are so tiny, I'll have a few a day, ruined my fucking life!!!! I feel so fat!!! I have been keeping a legit written journal in Addition to MFP to keep me accountable for this binge and my life choices. It's helped to stop it and bring me down a little.

I started yesterday's then scribbled it out and wrote,200000 calories you are fat and disgusting! The self love is real 🙃.

I get it in my mind sometimes in a moment of possible sanity, fuck this ED I will just eat normal. Then after being normal I just eat as much everrrrrr to not waste a day I'm allowed to eat? Wtf I could have had less even though I ruined it, I still could have just ate "normal" I hate this brain!

[Help] Need some advice from people who have lost their period?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | 139.4 | 18.91 | ~64lbs | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Mon Oct 23 19:16:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78cfkz/need_some_advice_from_people_who_have_lost_their/
I have gone three months without my period... unfortunate but whatever.

Problem is, I also recently started having sex again. I had alot of anxiety over pregnancy before- only to have it alleviated by my period every month, but thats not longer a solution i guess.

How do you keep yourself sane going through this? Buying pregnancy tests every month is going to get expensive...

[Intro] Intro
/u/translucentdreamer [Height 5'6" | CW 150ish | F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 18:26:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78c572/intro/
Hi guys! So, I've been a longtime lurker and I thought it was time I introduced myself. I just made this account so I can feel more comfortable about posting/commenting on here. A little back story about me I guess...
I'm 23 and I've had issues with food ever since I could remember. I'm not diagnosed with an actual ED, but I've spent years struggling to find a happy relationship with food - so many cycles of binging and high restricting and never making any real progress with my body/mind/relationship with food...
Up until last year when I finally found a great place where I had lost almost 20 lbs and felt HEALTHY and happy and confident. Then I graduated from university and moved to Australia and things fell apart. I gained all my weight back and my self-esteem has plummeted.I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here.. but I found this sub and the more I've read the posts the more and more I've found that people actually feel the same and have the same relationship/feelings about food/weight loss. So, I guess this is me saying "hi" and thank you for all of your bravery in posting your deepest thoughts and also for not judging others :)

[Discussion] Restricting vs self love
/u/50shadesofskinny [5'4 | 135lbs | -50lbs | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 18:24:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78c4qn/restricting_vs_self_love/
Do y’all ever feel like your disordered eating and being able to love yourself are completely mutually exclusive? I can’t find the strength for both. If I’m working on self love, I’m eating too much, I’m not exercising enough (or at all), and I’m constantly fighting myself internally about how I’ll never get there if I’m not thin. It feels like I’m sabotaging myself when I’m gaining or maintaining.

Eventually I go back to restricting because it feels like I have to, but then I get so hateful and harsh toward myself in the process because I feel like that’s the only thing that keeps me strong enough to restrict and get through work outs.

My whole life is a mess as usual because everything takes a back seat to my relationship with food whether I’m shoving it in my face or I’m throwing it away so I won’t eat it. I have so little self worth I can barely get anything done. I’m so behind in everything. I can’t muster the courage to ask for a raise I desperately need. I can’t clean my messy house. I can’t even get myself to shower half the time.

I just feel like I’m caught in a loop that will never go away because I’m either fat and sad or I’m losing weight and it’s never enough and I’m sad. I wish I could exist in a world without food and without a body.

Would love to hear anybody’s thoughts or if anyone kinda relates.

[Rant/Rave] Am I fit to be a nurse?
Created: Mon Oct 23 18:05:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78c06z/am_i_fit_to_be_a_nurse/
LTL, FTP, you know you know.

Anyway, I started nursing school in August and I'm just thinking, what if I am not fit to be a nurse? I love my clinical patients and I'm doing well in school, but I'm actively making myself sicker to be thin. I'm scared someone in my clinical group / facility will notice and I'll be kicked off the program. I love what I'm doing but I just want to be perfect. Ugh. I guess this is more of a rant than a question.

[Discussion] DAE justify their eating based on what their inspo looks like
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:56:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78by60/dae_justify_their_eating_based_on_what_their/

[Discussion] DAE update their flair with extreme caution/intent??
/u/Zurthrow [5'4| CW:133 | BMI:23.2 | GW1:130 | 22F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:47:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bway/dae_update_their_flair_with_extreme_cautionintent/
Ok so I have no idea how anyone else decides to do their flair (and some don't), but I have rules for mine that are almost stricter than the rules I have for my own weight loss? Lmao. I'm not sure if it's mild OCD related to my ED history or pride or what but I will only change my flair in increments of 1 pound (never half, never two or more at once, etc). I also never want to change my flair to a higher weight, so it's usually a few pounds higher than my current morning/low weight at any given time because I won't change it until I'm totally sure that it feels right. For example, I've been around 130-132 lb the past few days and I just now decided I needed to change my flair from 134 to 133.

Anyway, how do y'all do it? I'm curious if a lot of people update it with their low weight each morning, or if they have weird rules like mine, or if there's a specific reason that you have chosen not to have a flair!

Created: Mon Oct 23 17:39:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bunc/plans/

Having an eating disorder = walking for an hour in the rain bc you are 400 more calories than planned
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 125 | F | 22]
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:37:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bu3t/having_an_eating_disorder_walking_for_an_hour_in/

[Other] I didn’t know how quickly this could happen, feeling so isolated..
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:34:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78btif/i_didnt_know_how_quickly_this_could_happen/
I’ve been developing disordered eating for the past month or so. I was aware of it but seemingly sunk deeper then i have been aware of until tonight made me confront this. I didn’t think I’d come to be upset about eating with my family. My step mom made pasta and the entire time I was so anxious not knowing exactly what a portion would be and I absolutely dreading I ate over budget :( I’m sorry if this post and myself don’t belong here I just didn’t think I would of ended up like this. I didn’t even eat until I was full and even considered throwing it up (I’ve done that once before years ago but never since then) ? I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know how to change this mindset now that I’ve settled into it. Also I’m sorry I wasn’t sure what to put the flair as. Just feeling a little lost

[Tip] Don't let electrolytes get low
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:29:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bsii/dont_let_electrolytes_get_low/

[Discussion] Does anyone else do this
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:17:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bpuh/does_anyone_else_do_this/
My boyfriend often tells me I’m really/too skinny and to stop losing weight (which is NOT true. I am 118 and only 5’1). So sometimes I’ll try to make myself look bigger around him, like purposely sticking out my stomach- especially after a big meal.

Just so maybe he’ll notice and see what I see and understand why I want to lose weight. I know he’ll never tell me if he notices and honestly he would still be happy if I was 300lbs so it doesn’t really matter. It just frustrates me a little when he tells me how skinny I am and it makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable about my weight.

Also I don’t really believe most people if they tell me I’m skinny, especially if they are bigger than me.

[Discussion] I regret opening up to friends and family members about my ED because now I feel like every time they see me they expect me to be skinnier
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [164cm | 15 | lmfao | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:12:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78boq4/i_regret_opening_up_to_friends_and_family_members/
So majority of my closest friends know about my ED. Not everyone in my family is super aware of it, they know I have eating issues but I think they think I just don’t have an appetite because of my depression.

I feel as if though I let them down when I see them and I haven’t lost weight. As if though I was lying to them about my ED.

Kinda motivates me to keep going though, so I guess it isn’t *that* bad.

Anyone else feel like this?

[Discussion] What do y'all do for a living, or study?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 82 lbs | 15.53 | -24ish | f]
Created: Mon Oct 23 17:01:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bm2z/what_do_yall_do_for_a_living_or_study/
I find more and more often my ED gets in the way of professional/academic pursuits and i wondering what's (at lest partially) working out for you guys? What interests or occupations manage to coexist with this? Also it'd just be cool to know what kinda roads we walk independent of our affliction !

I didn’t think I’d be anxious to eat with my family..
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:51:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bjw3/i_didnt_think_id_be_anxious_to_eat_with_my_family/

[Help] I'm debating whether to go on Nexplanon or just get an IUD -- have any of you who used Nexplanon/Implanon gain weight?
/u/pedaling-backwards [5'2 | 108 | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78beo6/im_debating_whether_to_go_on_nexplanon_or_just/
I've been leaning towards Nexplanon because it feels less invasive than an IUD, but the only thing holding me back from it is all of the negative online reviews saying they had a crazy appetite while on it and gained a bunch of weight.

Has anyone that used the Nexplanon or Implanon before gain weight/get an increased appetite from it? Because, if that's the case, I might as well just suck it up and get a copper iud because I'd rather deal with an awkward invasive procedure for 5 minutes than gain a shitton of weight on the implant.

[Rant/Rave] i feel worthless and unnecessary
/u/honigtoast [166cm | CW: 51.7 |GW: 45 | 18.8 | 25F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:23:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bdd6/i_feel_worthless_and_unnecessary/
(you can skip this if you want):

my ex boyfriend had some friends, and they had a roommate and we always got away very well. 4 years later I broke up with my boyfriend (we're still good/best friends). That roommate (and my ex' friends) I met by accident again in a pub and had a nice evening together. we texted each other. but he always took like 24-48 hrs to answer to small talk messages. I told him that he is an attractive guy and he said the same to me. It was all weird because I saw him messaging a guy with hearts on the same evening, and he didn't seem to enjoy accompanying me to my house. Blabla we wanted to do a friends journey. He canceled last minute (he is infamous for that). Then weeks later he messaged me, asking if we wanted to go to a museum at the beginning of October. I said yes. But nothing came from him. So I messaged him on the 21st. He said "yes of course i want to meet you". And now we are meeting mid nov. lol. he said he messages me if he and his friends are going out.

...**now to the rant**:

he won't. i know it. they always go out on tuesday. and he won't message me. cause I'm a joke to him. because I'm a joke to everyone on this whole fucking planet. no one actually cares about me. they just want someone to push their ego. no one is actually interested in what I'm doing. Now one would ever cry about me.
and the funny thing is. i desperately hope he will message me, and that he sees that I'm officially ~underweight~ again. I lost 15 lbs in a month. I want them all to see it. I want to see the worries on his face. Because no one else is worried. I hope that someone finally sees how sad I am really on the inside. and not only my mother. I hope they reconsider what they did to me: putting me in the corner like I am an object. I wish that finally someone cares, someone stays. I'm so sick of feeling like a joke. And I don't know what I can do against all the people who treat me like shit. Who make me feel like I don't exist.
(wow. this is so much my fcking ED talking)

I know it would like an abusive ass move, but it is permanently shouting in my head. :(

[Goal] I can't do this anymore
/u/onlysaysNOO [5'3 | CW ??| BMI 15.?|F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:21:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bd2q/i_cant_do_this_anymore/
Guys I'm roughly 82lbs at 5'3 and I'm in such poor health that I just can't I can't do this anymore.

I'm going for recovery, or at least a higher goal weight. I'm looking horrible and sick and terrible. I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't just kill myself.

I love you all so so much I really do.

[Discussion] Selfish, but also satisfying
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:20:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bcue/selfish_but_also_satisfying/
Nothing gives me more ED satisfaction than cooking for others and not feeding myself 😍. Baking cookies for the staff at a group home I work with, homemade pasta for my neighbors, even dog treats for my puppy. At this moment I’m making a HUGE mushroom and onion omelette with sausage for my husband. It smells devine, and I’m not touching it. It gives me such a high to prepare yummy things for the people I love, without feeling like actually have to eat them. It’s so empowering. I’m on hour 43 of my water fast and I’m on cloud 9!! Anyone else feel this way when cooking?

[Discussion] Does anyone else
/u/NewEnglandAutumn [5'8 | 120.8 | BMI 18.2 | GW 111]
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:18:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78bc7f/does_anyone_else/

[Rant/Rave] I feel so guilty and I hate myself
Created: Mon Oct 23 16:02:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78b8la/i_feel_so_guilty_and_i_hate_myself/
What am I doing? How have I let myself become like this? I'm such a greedy, fat fuck. I've been binging like mad these past couple of days. Completely neglected my studies. Avoided all forms of responsibility for my future. I'm pretty sure my BMI is "overweight" now. I want to make my parents proud. I want to prove myself. I want to do something good with my life. I don't want to sit in my room stuffing my face. My family starved in the holocaust for fuck's sake. And this is how I remember them. Wasting vast amounts of money and food. I just want to stop. I can't stop though, because I must fast now. I gotta fast. Even though I have an exam in a couple of days I need to fast this binge off. I can't be overweight. Gaining even more weight is worse than failing an exam at this point. I want to cry at the state of my life. I'm not going to cry though. I hate crying because I'm not a victim. I can control this. Fuck, I'm sorry for this rant I have no one in my life to help me get through this right now.

I feel so guilty
Created: Mon Oct 23 15:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78b5sh/i_feel_so_guilty/

[Rant/Rave] Why can’t I tell my therapist??????
/u/NewEnglandAutumn [5'8 | 120.8 | BMI 18.2 | GW 111]
Created: Mon Oct 23 15:47:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78b5c7/why_cant_i_tell_my_therapist/
I just want to tell her EVERYTHING!!! I look forward to my appointments all week, knowing that once I tell her everything will get better. But then time comes and I can’t do it and nothing gets any better. Right now all she knows is that I’ve done 1200isplenty when it’s not safe for me and that I eat wayy too much junk food. But that’s barely scratching the surface. (Check my post history if you’re curious.)

And then she rants about healthy food groups while I sit there in silence and don’t listen to her.

My next appointment is Wednesday. I WANT TO TELL HER STUFF GODDAMMIT. I’m thinking about typing literally everything up and forcing myself to give it to her so it won’t be that bad.

Help? Tips? Tricks? Encouragement? 😔

[Discussion] Is sex a trigger for you? Alcohol? Weed?
Created: Mon Oct 23 15:33:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78b1oc/is_sex_a_trigger_for_you_alcohol_weed/
Because i think it may be my strongest one. I've been in denial for a long time. But I'm pretty sure it is.

Whether it's self love or with a partner, i want to binge afterwards. With a partner is a bit worse because of the validation of someone accepting the way you look.

In second place for me comes weed. Very rarely have not binged after getting high. The few times i didn't binge, i really wanted to. At the very least i was very upset i didn't prepare low calorie snacks beforehand.

Third maybe alcohol.

Right now I'm abstaining from all three and my binging is mostly in control...

Might mention it to my new psych tomorrow, but it's a bit TMI i feel...

[Discussion] I'm going to be nude modeling and not sure how I feel about it, has anyone else done this before?
/u/autotrapqueen [5'7.5| CW 131.8 | 20.19 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 15:29:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78b0xo/im_going_to_be_nude_modeling_and_not_sure_how_i/
My friend is a photo major and is doing a body study shoot so I'm going to be posing nude/nearly nude for her on Friday. I'm excited because most days I'm very proud of how my body looks and how much I've worked for it to look this way. I really love how I look naked and she's an amazing photographer so I'm sure the pictures are gonna be awesome.
But I'm also incredibly anxious that seeing my body from pictures someone else takes is going to set me off. I notice every little fold and flab even if someone else doesn't. I also know that she photoshops most if not all of her pictures to fine tune them, I feel like I'll want so badly to look like the photoshopped version of myself and feel so far from that.
I'm probably just overthinking this (as I do), overall I'm excited and definitely feel comfortable with her but just wondering if anyone has had experience doing something like this and can share how it made them feel.

[Rant/Rave] i hope they serve caramel rice cakes in heaven
/u/til_wednesday [5'8" | CW: 110 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 15:10:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78aw62/i_hope_they_serve_caramel_rice_cakes_in_heaven/
i got a package of caramel rice cakes last night at the grocery store and i have no idea how i went through life not fully appreciating their existence. i've had 3 today (only 150 cal) and i'm so excited that i've found a new crunchy/sweet safe food. are rice cakes a staple safe food for anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] "Fatass"
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11 | 115| 23.2| F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 14:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78ajxz/fatass/
I can't believe it. I was talking to my boyfriend about going to the gym with me and he said he didn't want to and I said "You should, it's fun." and he immediately blurted back "You should ya fatass." He thinks he was joking, but damn that hurt like hell. I'm so infuriated and disgusted with myself. He is the only person who knows about my relationship with food. I EVEN told him my relapse had a lot to do with him and other people close to me calling me thick and fat. He encourages me to eat, but then knocks me right back down. I hate myself so much.

[Rant/Rave] How to not gain weight on holiday with family!
Created: Mon Oct 23 13:55:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78adaj/how_to_not_gain_weight_on_holiday_with_family/
I generally have no clue how I'm going to hide my relapse with my family whilst I'm on holiday. I'm petrified of gaining weight but I'm also petrified of giving away that I've relapsed. They've already commented they they're worried I've lost weight, but I've managed to scoot round it by eating more in front of them and purging, but I don't know how the he'll I'm going to stick to eating less, especially as we'll be eating out and I'll be with them 24/7!!!

[Other] bujo fasting tracker - bonus lazy pastel galaxy theme
/u/cheakysquair [5'4" | -20lbs | gw:-41lbs | f]
Created: Mon Oct 23 13:41:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78aa2p/bujo_fasting_tracker_bonus_lazy_pastel_galaxy/

[Help] Toxic Friend/ED buddy? Need advice.
Created: Mon Oct 23 13:39:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78a9d6/toxic_friended_buddy_need_advice/

[Rant/Rave] So my doctor's appointment was a mess
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 13:36:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78a8ja/so_my_doctors_appointment_was_a_mess/
I scheduled an appointment with my general doctor like two months ago when I first became concerned about my relapse. I just got back from the appointment...

First of all, when you go in about an eating disorder, they're supposed to have you stand backwards on the scale when they weigh you. They didn't have me do that.

Second, the doctor had no idea about eating disorders. Like, none. Thank god I went in there with a level head and a will to get better at least in some capacity because this woman invalidated the fuck out of me.

To summarize: She essentially was not concerned. At all. She didn't ask me about my eating disordered behaviors, so I didn't get a chance to talk about them. She tried to veer me towards thinking I might have a thyroid problem (I don't). She wasn't concerned that I've lost about 14lbs in a two month time frame. She didn't attempt to do a physical. She simply said she would give me the number to my health insurance in order for me to get a therapist. Then, she asked if I had anything else in mind, and seemed confused as to why I was sitting there stunned. I stammered. She asked if I wanted other referrals. I inquired about a nutritionist, to which she said YES, why, I think that's something I can do!

She left the room and I sat there just...so completely annoyed and dejected. This woman didn't even think to get me in touch with a nutritionist when I specifically have a problem with an eating disorder.

She came back with the number for the insurance, a referral to a nutritionist, and some other stuff not related to my ED that I discussed with her.

I ended up talking her into getting me blood work, which was annoying.

I'm so upset. Just so beyond upset. I have a BMI of well under 17.5, the requirement for a diagnosis of Anorexia, and this woman didn't take me seriously at all. I feel invalidated. And hurt. And scared.

I'm pissed that I had more knowledge about this than she did.

Idk guys. I'm fuming. Part of me feels like I must not have a problem if she acted so unbothered by this. I don't know what to do.

[Rant/Rave] Starting over.
/u/Nikkeinoot [171 cm | can't weigh | GW: 48 kg]
Created: Mon Oct 23 13:19:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78a4fj/starting_over/
After half a year of heavy restricting, I lost control. I've gained back everything I lost plus even more.

Today is the day I'm starting over. I'm done with the binging, I need to regain the 'control' (hah, who am I kidding) I used to have.

And whatever I'm going to go through and whatever mistakes I'll make, this community is going to help me, thank all of you for being awesome :)

I never post, this basically is my first post on this account but I just wanted to thank you all for how supportive you all are. Love you guys. <3

[Discussion] DAE only feel comfortable eating packaged/restaurant food?
/u/jjfmish [5'6 | HW:163lbs CW:150lbs GW:120lbs | 19/F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 12:29:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/789rl6/dae_only_feel_comfortable_eating/
I feel like I'm the polar opposite of orthorexic lol - I pretty much live on Tim Hortons soup, cheese, cold cuts, ramen and Subway sandwiches. Yet I can't eat a homemade chicken breast or salad because I don't know the exact number of calories in it. I can't even lose weight the 'right way' lol. Thank god for CICO.

[Rant/Rave] Calling all Dermatillomaniacs
Created: Mon Oct 23 12:08:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/789lvb/calling_all_dermatillomaniacs/
I have never *ever* had the "pleasure" of speaking with someone caught up in the same mess as me, I desperately avoid this subject and have spent over a decade alone with it. I'm asking here because it's been associated with body dismorphia, which is something I didn't believe at first, but have really started to see a connection to my disordered eating and poor body image. If you deal with this too and could spare a rant, reading it would really give me something to think about.

[Discussion] Fasting and pop/soda
/u/OhChickenBalls [5'8 | 23M | GW:120]
Created: Mon Oct 23 11:56:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/789iy2/fasting_and_popsoda/
Longtime lurker, first actual post ✨

So what're your guys opinions on things like Coke Zero and Pepsi Max when fasting? I fast to purge and even things like fruit juice or squash guilt the hell out of me. With zero cal pop I feel like I'm cheating but without the guilt and it's a lot less boring than constant water and coffee. Anyone else do the same?

Been binging like crazy, what do i do now?
Created: Mon Oct 23 11:41:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/789eqx/been_binging_like_crazy_what_do_i_do_now/

[Rant/Rave] "You're not purging anymore you must be recovered!"
Created: Mon Oct 23 11:34:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/789d63/youre_not_purging_anymore_you_must_be_recovered/

[Rant/Rave] Just why 😑
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63.4 kg | BMI: 23.6 | -20.1 kg | 21F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 11:23:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/789a92/just_why/
This will be long and cover several points. Please bear with me.

1. I've had 2 high calorie days and that makes me feel like shit. I think I still stayed below my TDEE so I'm not in a panic mode but I'm pissed that my self control jumps out the window when it comes to french fries and other stupidly delicious junk food.

2. On saturday someone asked me "did you stop eating or do you have some condition? You lost qiite a bit!".....I'm not sure uf I should be happy...yeah I like it that people notice but do they have to tell me tgat in a way where I don't know what to answer? Thanks? No that doesn't fit. Be honest and answer with "no"? Hell no. Can't people just say normal stuff?!

3. I've been told I'll never look "delicate" /"tiny" no matter how much I'll lose, and that I'd look "boney" at best. Yeah...like that's gonna keep me from starving. I know I'm not a petite or small person and that I'll never get there but that won't stop me from trying!!! If boney is the only thing I can get then boney it is!

4. I'm on a fucking plateau. I thought I was off but water retention says no. At least I really hope it's just water. I reeeeaaaally wanna get off these 63kg asap! It's driving me crazy.

5. Way too many birthday parties and other parties (I'm a freshman at university). I try to restrict as hard as I can on weekdays but I feel like it's not enough (see point number 4). It was so easy restricting to <400cals daily, now I barley manage the 500? Fml. Not to forget to mention that everyone I know lives to eat in front of me. I can hold back actually but god do I resent them at these moments.

That's it for my long stupid rant, if you actually made it to the end. I really needed to get this off my chest.

[Goal] Going back to calorie counting
Created: Mon Oct 23 11:12:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7897it/going_back_to_calorie_counting/

[Rant/Rave] Student commiseration
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5🌙93.2lbs]
Created: Mon Oct 23 10:49:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7891mo/student_commiseration/
Currently sitting in a lecture hall hammering out a summary that procrastinated on in favor of binging and purging alone in my room. My stomach is burning from the diet coke and apples I've had so far. I'm dizzy and thinking about quest bars, but later I need to sit in the library and catch up on three weeks of ignored readings.

Exiting a binge cycle, and the real world is catching up with me. I'm also fucking starving. I've got goals in place and a strategy to keep myself from binging at the dining hall but I'm also constantly about to collapse from hunger.

School and ED s don't mix very well. I'm inviting everyone else in post secondary to have a massive pity party with me in the comments. How you guys stay functional, I have no clue.

[Help] Advice for liquid diet?
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | SW: 130 | CW: ~125 | GW: small | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 10:31:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/788wv4/advice_for_liquid_diet/

[Discussion] Lentil calorie differences
/u/coffeexsmokes [5'2" | 100 | -50 | 21F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 10:07:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/788qp3/lentil_calorie_differences/
So I recently bought red, green, and French lentils, and didn't realize how different the nutritional values were until later. Online isn't providing much help.

Could anyone tell me what the calorie per gram is for each of these types of Lentils? I can't safely cook them until I know...

Edit - Update: I just read somewhere that they are allowed to remove a certain amount of calories from fiber. So in all likelihood the calories are being misrepresented as lower than they actually are.

[Goal] I hit my goal weight and I feel nothing but disgusted with myself.
Created: Mon Oct 23 09:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/788im4/i_hit_my_goal_weight_and_i_feel_nothing_but/
Another 3 months of hardcore restricting and pure misery and here I am. 45lbs down. Not underweight, but a pound below my UGW and I look huge.

I have a thigh gap. I can see my collarbones. The entire structure of my ribcage is visible if I suck in my tummy. Yet I feel gigantic…? I thought this would be where it magically ends, but it was silly to believe I'd suddenly be "normal" again.

But any accomplishment is something to be proud of, right? Here's to more misery my dudes. Cheers.

[Rant/Rave] I recovered but now I have some digestive issue causing me to lose weight, and I don't know how to feel.
Created: Mon Oct 23 08:51:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7887tl/i_recovered_but_now_i_have_some_digestive_issue/
Alright, so as of right now the doctor thinks it is Crohn's disease. I have a colonoscopy Friday.

I've lost 12 lbs while still bingeing on whatever I want because it goes right through me and I don't digest food as well anymore.

Now I'm honestly scared to figure out what it is, because I don't want to stop losing weight. I'm worried I'll keep bingeing like I have been, but if we solve the problem I will just pack on the pounds. :(

Has anyone else ever been in a shitty situation of having a health problem but not wanting to solve it, so you can continue losing weight?

I'm 3 lbs from underweight now. So close. Ugh. :(

[Discussion] When do you consider to be the "start" of a new fast?
Created: Mon Oct 23 07:52:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/787udp/when_do_you_consider_to_be_the_start_of_a_new_fast/

[Rant/Rave] Everything turned out alright I guess
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 07:31:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/787q4l/everything_turned_out_alright_i_guess/
I was super nervous all last week about this weekend. I had to go visit my dad and knew that we'd all have traditional family meals where everyone sits down at the table for the duration of dinner, lunch, etc.

So I actually did really well. On Friday I ended up not eating anything until I got to Virginia. Total intake was somewhere around 1000. Not terrible I guess.

Saturday was a shit show and a half. I tried not to eat a lot during the day/picked low cal options. But then for dinner my step-grandparents took us to a really nice restaurant. I got a Miso bowl, which sounded low cal, but when they brought it out... It was binge city. It was a truly massive serving. The bowl was bigger than my head. There had to be like 4 or 5 individual servings in it. I couldn't handle it. I ate so much of that damn miso bowl and everyone else is apparently dieting so they were shocked. Then I got chocolate cake because screw it, right?

So I ended up purging at the restaurant. Thank god they had individual bathrooms.

Sunday was easy- all I had was coffee and Halo Top lol. Total cals stayed around 500.

Today, I weighed myself. I was totally dreading it...but I'm actually at a lower weight than when I left. Woooo!

I'm pissed that I purged and abused laxatives but honestly it didn't turn out to be as horrible as I thought it would AND I apparently didn't gain weight. Thank god.

[Rant/Rave] All I ever wanted to be was lovely
Created: Mon Oct 23 06:59:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/787jfy/all_i_ever_wanted_to_be_was_lovely/
And the fuck did I get?

Skinny fat, tired but heart racing all the time (too much coffee), irritable and sad, which are all things decidedly not lovely, agh.

Not to mention, finals are coming up, and I most definitely will not be restoring that time (I need that cognitive function), so this month is all I have.

On the plus side, guys guys, I have a boyfriend! For the first time in my life, I feel the closest thing to living for myself! We're taking things real slow (he knows about my past) and he's there for me everyday.
He calls me bunny, the fuck? I feel so giddy and happy and safe.

But I also want to be the best version of myself for him, so again, it comes back to being lovely.


I'm working on that, haha.

Sorry for the rant/rave, I just needed to tell someone! And complain at same time! I love you all.

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! October 23, 2017
Created: Mon Oct 23 06:14:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/787b0h/weekly_stats_update_october_23_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for October 23, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 23, 2017
Created: Mon Oct 23 06:14:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/787aze/daily_food_diary_october_23_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Tonight is a night I feel like I deserve to be on this sub.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Mon Oct 23 00:53:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7860uf/tonight_is_a_night_i_feel_like_i_deserve_to_be_on/
I managed to undereat today, on purpose - this is the first time that's happened in like a month. I know logically we all deserve to be here no matter what, but I do feel like I don't belong as much when I skim this sub after a bad food day. I'm pretty sure some of you can relate, since I've seen posts related to this topic before.

Regardless, I'm really proud of myself. I lose and gain the same 5 lbs over and over, and it usually takes me getting up to my highest comfortable weight to get me into restricting (or even maintaining, lol) again. But not this time! :D Maybe I can finally get into the 120's soon. <3

[Discussion] **Period Talk** - Not underweight (yet) but period EXTREMELY light
/u/slowlydoesit1 [163cm | CW: 56.5| GW1:48]
Created: Mon Oct 23 00:42:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785z8e/period_talk_not_underweight_yet_but_period/
Flag as Question/help

My period is now 2 days or less, not bloody at all and no pain and i can barely notice it.

I'm not complaining, I'm just concerned. Since starting to restrict low continuously, this has been the case.

I am also on the combined oral contraceptive pill (and have been for 1 year on this one particular, Brevinor).

Do I need to be concerned? I'm about 10lb above underweight btw.

[Goal] Just hit 120 pounds for the first time in years :)
Created: Mon Oct 23 00:33:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785y04/just_hit_120_pounds_for_the_first_time_in_years/

[Rant/Rave] Thank you r/proEDmemes
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 110 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 23:50:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785rmz/thank_you_rproedmemes/
Today has been pretty shit. All week I restricted hard to get ready for a halloween party last night. And I looked freaking good, and wore a "sexy" costume for the first time! But naturally, drinking lots of alcohol and having so much candy around triggered a 24 hour binge and I've been wanting to die today tbh. I didn't purge which is a win I guess? Why do I sabotage everything smh... but discovering those memes really cheered me up. I was cracking up for an hour straight, and I can't remember the last time I laughed so much <3

[Help] hydrolyzed collagen peptides & appetite suppression?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Sun Oct 22 23:32:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785oqs/hydrolyzed_collagen_peptides_appetite_suppression/

[Discussion] DAE notice other people's stomachs grumbling when they are fasting or restricting?
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1|CW 200|GW 110|-20|22/M]
Created: Sun Oct 22 23:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785ojc/dae_notice_other_peoples_stomachs_grumbling_when/
This is a weird thing that I noticed this go round.. hearing my own stomach rumble makes me happy/somewhat self conscious and it's like I'm more in tune to others.

[Rant/Rave] Using breakup as motivation
/u/jiuel1 [5'4"(barely yay) | 122.6 | 20.9 | -12 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 23:19:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785mtq/using_breakup_as_motivation/
I have been eating trash lately. Ate 5 muffins and then threw up everything. Got in a fight, after multiple breaks just broke it off. I know it'll be harder for me thats the hardest part. Deleted his stuff. I want to use this as motivation to not eat. Just stay in bed and watch time fly by. I feel like shit obviously. Just so appalled by the whole thing and then my first thought is to cut. I fckg hate food right now.

I want to get this out there so I can come back and remember what it really feels like atm. Not worth going back to check on him. I basically admitted purging to that guy and he shrugged it off and changed subject. I wanna try to live my life. And this life starts by fasting.

[Discussion] Goal weight picture thread!
Created: Sun Oct 22 22:20:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785d6m/goal_weight_picture_thread/
So the way this works, you say your height, weight and GW (or just goal BMI) and other users at that weight can post pictures of themselves, if they're comfortable ofc

[Rant/Rave] I don't even know at this point
/u/onlysaysNOO [5'3 | CW ??| BMI 15.?|F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 21:40:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78566d/i_dont_even_know_at_this_point/
I got really really drunk last night. I was throwing up so much I slept in the bathtub. And I'm so brutally hungover that I think I'm actually getting ill. I have a fever and aches and pains everywhere.

And I also started noticing I can't sleep anymore without bruising my hips, arms and legs. Mostly just from my bones jabbing into the bed. Sitting up is painful on my ass and sometimes makes my legs fall asleep.

And the worst part is, I literally can't see any difference. It's like I'm suffering the worst parts without the payoff and it's horse shit.

Guys I'm so lost right now and I just need some support and help.

[Discussion] Fave workouts?
Created: Sun Oct 22 21:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/785236/fave_workouts/
So I've recently lost enough to want to add working out more seriously to my day to burn calories and tone my body, what are some workouts you guys love? I have access to a gym, but sometimes I'm too exhausted from restricting to want to do a ton.

[Intro] Hello :)
/u/enigmatichoices [5'7F | 172 | -41 | gw: invisible]
Created: Sun Oct 22 20:51:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784x4m/hello/
I don't know what my eating disorder is... or if it's even a real eating disorder... I have had unhealthy relationship with food for a while now. Mostly just eating in extreme excess for several days at a time which was coupled with depression/guilt regarding food. After I would gain weight, I would starve myself for a couple of days until it was gone, but it was impossible to keep up, so I gained a ton of weight. I'm sure you've heard it all before. I can't look at myself in a positive way anymore. I just see fat... obese... failure... I had never purged until today. I ate a spaghetti with some cheese, felt so disgusted with myself and stuck a toothbrush down my throat to rid me of mistake. Whatever. I'm pathetic anyways. It doesn't matter.

I guess that's why I'm here. Things are changing for me mentally and I have been a lurker here in the past and can't get over how positive and non-judgemental this community is. I just wanted to introduce myself. Sorry this is kind of a negative introduction. Just been having a rough day, usually I'm more positive :)

[Rant/Rave] It happened
Created: Sun Oct 22 20:45:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784vwn/it_happened/
Just threw up blood and I'm headed to hospital. Feeling faint and tired. Don't purge, guys. Don't do it, it's not fucking worth it.

Update: Intestinal bleed. Not life-threatening but they're concerned about infection. Seeing an ED specialist for bn. Going to sleep now cos I'm exhausted.

[Discussion] I purge about 2-3 times per year
/u/ayvyns [5'7“ | 135| 21.14 | -7 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 20:18:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784qu1/i_purge_about_23_times_per_year/

[Help] Considering cancelling my doctor's appointment for tomorrow because I don't want my doctor and the medical assistants to see how much I weigh
Created: Sun Oct 22 20:12:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784pp7/considering_cancelling_my_doctors_appointment_for/

[Rant/Rave] Nighttime bingeing
Created: Sun Oct 22 19:48:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784l6q/nighttime_bingeing/

[Rant/Rave] I'm a bad person
Created: Sun Oct 22 19:33:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784ig0/im_a_bad_person/
Today I went to a gaming meetup, think dungeons and dragons etc. I was new so was added to a group. In the 3 hours we were there one girl pulled out a massive mcdonald's bag and ate 3 sandwiches and fries, then ate an entire family bag of chips, as well as grazing on the family packs of shortbread and rocky road she brought.

And it made me feel really nauseous and grossed out, seeing someone eat that much food in one sitting, but maybe i'm jealous because the idea of eating like that in public terrifies me. Sorry I just needed to rant because i'm feeling guilty for judging her.

[Discussion] Period returning while restricting?
Created: Sun Oct 22 19:01:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784c3t/period_returning_while_restricting/
Hi I’ve been lurking for about a month. I just wanted to ask if anyone else’s period became more consistent as they restricted? I’ve never had regular periods given I’m obese but I’m working on that and have been on and off restricting for four years. Recently I’ve cut calories down to 200-1000 (really depends on the day) if I’m not fasting and have already lost 15 pounds. I’m sorry if this is jumbled or weird, I just thought I’d never post on here.

[Other] Found out an old ~thinspo~ Tumblr user died not too long ago.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW: 141.4 | UGW 105 | 24/F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 18:21:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78445e/found_out_an_old_thinspo_tumblr_user_died_not_too/
Anyone else remember Siarra Culbertson? One of her old UNs was birdboness or something.

There was a lot of controversy around her morals and actions and whatnot. But she was pretty popular with the edgy thinspo and hula-hooping back when that was starting up. We used to talk sometimes even though I did stay out of the drama. We were the same age and it was around 2010. So fresh out of high school.

Her name popped into my head just now and I looked it up. She passed away in May. I can't find any info on her death, but I figured it was substance or ED related.

I don't know how I feel really. It's just weird to see someone go from your community no matter how fucked up it may be. The ED spaces get very close and it's sad knowing that at least one person will most likely go.

[Other] "Sweetheart, your hair is falling out, you throw up all the time, you bruise like a peach...
/u/justonenon-blonde [5'3" | CW: 115 | GW:98 | 23F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 18:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7842ir/sweetheart_your_hair_is_falling_out_you_throw_up/
...I'm worried you have cancer."
Close, but no cigar! I got a "talking to" yesterday about my health and I couldn't help but laugh. No one else thought it was funny, but maybe yall can sympathize with me haha.

[Rant/Rave] 10 lbs what the fuck
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | shame | idk | ~64lbs | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Sun Oct 22 18:04:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7840e7/10_lbs_what_the_fuck/
I was at 136. Fucking birthday rolled around and I hung out with people literally every single day since then. I have not had one day alone. Thats eating and drinking every single day since Tuesday and Im up 10 lbs and I want to fucking kill myself.

I remember now why i cant be in a relationship or have friends. Its because im a fat fuck with no self control.

Im going to fast for the next 3 days folliwed by under 500 calorie restriction... i have to undo this damage.

Edit: currently sitting on this guys toilet trying to silent shit because i took laxatives 12 hours ago. They hit about 6 hours later. Thought it was over.... and then got invited out to watch a movie and sleep over with guy then they hit again right as we decided to go to sleep... i shouldve known better.

Bless him and his snoring and heavy sleeping tho 🙂 end me

[Rant/Rave] The salad in the sink? I spilled it.
Created: Sun Oct 22 18:03:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/784075/the_salad_in_the_sink_i_spilled_it/

[Thinspo] Ive been obsessed with twiggy lately 🎀 60's were amazing, that this was okay to be though of as beautiful, she is so lovely 💜
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Sun Oct 22 17:52:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783y0c/ive_been_obsessed_with_twiggy_lately_60s_were/

I've been obsessed with twiggy lately 💜 This is one of my favorites 🎀
Created: Sun Oct 22 17:49:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783xh1/ive_been_obsessed_with_twiggy_lately_this_is_one/

[Discussion] Does anyone else stay dehydrated to get their lowest weight?
/u/heyimlame [5'6" | Enormous | -132.2lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 17:43:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783w3q/does_anyone_else_stay_dehydrated_to_get_their/
I know this is soooo bad for me, and I want to stop, but I often either don’t drink anything until very late or only drink coffee (to flush out my system) so I can see the lowest possible number on the scale. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid with my ED, and I know that water helps in a million ways but I can’t talk myself into drinking on heavy restricting days. My friend just had to talk me into drinking a cup of water because he’s worried. Ugh. I feel so foolish sometimes.

[Rant/Rave] Well....this sucks
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 151.5 | GW: 118 | -15.3 | F24]
Created: Sun Oct 22 17:41:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783vq5/wellthis_sucks/
Yesterday I unexpectedly had to put my last two rattie babies to sleep. I loved them SO much. These rats were responsible for my not just offing myself two years ago when I got them and was super depressed. I got them ***specifically*** to give me a reason to stick around. I had no warning they would deteriorate so fast. They were okay Friday but Saturday.... Even worse, the vet absolutely gouged me on cost. I paid $982. I'm just so heartbroken. Haven't been able to stop crying.

To make it worse, I haven't been able to stop eating. All day long I've been cooking, eating, eating, eating. I'm working my way through half of a papa johns extra large pizza right now. I'm drinking too. I feel ***horrible*** because my boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and while he's never said he doesn't want me to drink around him, I'm always very sensitive to his recovery (almost a whole year sober and I'm super proud!) but tonight....i just can't you guys. I don't know what I'm going to do without my boys.

I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I posted last month about losing one of my three and y'all were so kind. Does this get better guys? This pain is just so intense and it's so expensive and I'm eating so much and I'm gonna ruin my 15lbs of weightloss, and I just came off a week of taking care of my 90 year old grandma after her surgery and I just *can't* take this right now guys, I can't. Any advice or anything would be so appreciated. I tried so hard to take good care of my boys and now they're gone and I feel so lost....

Edit: I love you all so much. Y'all are the kindest, most caring group of people and I've read all of your messages and comments and they've helped so much, so I just wanted to say thank you 💜🐭🐭🐭💜

[Rant/Rave] I can't control myself.
Created: Sun Oct 22 17:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783pdo/i_cant_control_myself/
Today started out okay. I went on a 3 mile breast cancer walk, and I felt good about it. I had a McDonalds sausage biscuit before the walk, and thought I could spare 440 calories for one. Then the family decided to go to Golden Corral. And I binged. I ate 700 calories, yet still had a smaller plate than some of my family members. What the hell? Then it got even worse. We went to the movies. I ate 700 calories of M&Ms. I got home, and decided I wasn't going to eat anymore. I lied to myself. I had a donut AND a brownie. 2,400 calories of food today. I want to purge. But I'm not. I don't understand how my family can eat like this on a normal basis? They stay average/thin, and eat like this? Yet I become bloated. Great. I have no idea what to do with myself. I wanted to lose weight for halloween, yet all I've done is eat 1,300 - 1,800 calories everyday this month, and binged. Thank god I'm still maintaining. I'm so lost.

[Rant/Rave] I’m scared- for the first time I’m actually afraid.
Created: Sun Oct 22 17:00:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783n8d/im_scared_for_the_first_time_im_actually_afraid/
I’ve let my binging take over and I’ve gained a fuck ton of weight in the last few months just because I told myself “eating like a normal person is fine”. Trouble is, eating normally means I binge and now I’m here.

My issue is: I’ve had this decision for some time of: if I reach my heaviest weight again, I’m going to be stupidly close to attempting to end my life. I’m 5lbs from my heaviest weight at the moment.

My friend is coming from Wales this week and is taking me and another friend to a buffet. I know I can purge after, I’ll take extra lax and fast the day of and I can take surgery prep lax after, I’m ready. But there’s this part of me that’s afraid of how much I’ll actually eat. I can’t trust myself around food and i can’t see that number again.

I have no idea how to cope with this and for the first time in my life, I’m actually afraid of myself. I can’t be that heavy again, I already hate myself enough.

Also hi;

Edit: I’ve just fucking realised I won’t be able to spend the next day purging since the same friend is dragging me to Ikea. I’m losing my fucking mind and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

I’m sorry to be a pain, I just have no one else to rant about this sh*t

[Rant/Rave] I am so done
Created: Sun Oct 22 16:59:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783n2w/i_am_so_done/
Sorry if this post breaks any rules. I'm new to this sub, not new to Reddit. This is a separate account for mental health stuff.

Around 4 years ago, when I was 18, I was very into my ED ways. My lowest weight was 120lbs, but I ended up getting treatment and gaining weight. Since then, I kinda swung from the one extreme of being obsessed with losing weight, to the other extreme of not caring AT ALL.

In the last few years, I've gained about 70lbs.

I was recently looking back at old pictures of myself, and all I could do was cry. I had visible collarbones, a defined jaw, the beginnings of a thigh gap.

How did I let myself undo all my hard work? How did I let myself became an even more grotesque version of myself? How have I been okay with being a walking, talking whale?

I'm fasting tomorrow (it's 12am in the UK right now). If I succumb to food, then I'm throwing it up. I'm going to get back down to 120lbs, and hopefully even lower.

I am so done with being disgusting.

[Discussion] DAE just... not talk about weight or food?
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Sun Oct 22 16:23:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/783fr7/dae_just_not_talk_about_weight_or_food/
I see online lists of signs of an ED and one that always pops up is talking negatively about your weight or discussing calories or whatever and I just.... can't relate lol. I'd rather die than draw attention to what I or other people eat (apart from that one super-bitchy week I had at schoolies sorry friends) or what I look like and whenever anyone brings up food or health etc I actively shut down the conversation.

It just seems like a sure-fire way to alert people to the fact that I have food issues, and that just is not what I want at all idk.

[Discussion] To people who see the doctor for mental health issues: do you tell them about your ed?
/u/thukui [my goal is to be the fat member of a kpop group]
Created: Sun Oct 22 15:52:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78391t/to_people_who_see_the_doctor_for_mental_health/
I'm planning to go back to the doctor to treat my anxiety and depression but I'm not sure if I want to talk about my ed.
I still need to lose about 30 lbs so I don't want anyone trying to stop me if I am losing weight? I'm also just embarassed about it. What are your guys's experience?

[Discussion] Feeling insecure with SO
Created: Sun Oct 22 15:46:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7837q8/feeling_insecure_with_so/
Hey everyone, haven't posted in 10 days and those have been 10 days of binging I feel so down. I'm getting back on track tomorrow and will start going gym everyday until I lose a stone. But as usual I've felt insecure with my bf who knows about my ED and who I know actually likes skinny girls which isn't me but I'm working my way there. I feel crappy and insecure because I don't get compliments from him (we are long distance) and it makes me feel like binging lately

[Rant/Rave] I am never good enough to him
Created: Sun Oct 22 15:23:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7832vz/i_am_never_good_enough_to_him/

[Rant/Rave] First thing my hookup says after not seeing me for 3 months...also my father is adorable
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 130| GW: Kate Middleton| F|🍑:Whoopsie]
Created: Sun Oct 22 15:15:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78314c/first_thing_my_hookup_says_after_not_seeing_me/
I'm waiting for him at the bar and when he arrives he kisses me on the cheek, sits down, and looks me straight in the face and says "Don't lose any more weight! I mean, you look great- But if you lose any more weight you wont". I was deer-in-the-headlights no idea how to respond. I was happy that he noticed I've lost weight (especially since I was sitting down so he mustve noticed it in my face/arms), but also annoyed that he was telling me what to do/what not to do with my body. I sputtered and said "ok...?" and then said something about how I havent actually lost that much (lie) its just that my shirt is a little big for me and since its so drapey it makes me look smaller...

but like...what a weird mix of elation and aggravation. It made me feel hot, and special, and cared about, but also objectified and annoyed that a man would comment on my body like that- idk if he was saying I wouldnt look good anymore because he thinks that would convince me to stop losing, or because he wants me to stay within his preferred body type (which would really tick me off).

Also my dad, bless his heart, has also noticed my weight loss and has congratulated me on multiple occasions and every once in a while greets me as 'skinny girl'....im not underweight (yet) so there's no reason for him to suspect that im engaged in unhealthy habits since i dont live at home anymore, so it just makes me feel so warm and happy every time he brings it up bc i know its coming from such a wholesome, loving place where he is proud of me for achieving what he assumes has been a goal of mine.

[Discussion] discord?
Created: Sun Oct 22 15:08:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/782zls/discord/

[Discussion] 114 lbs!
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11 | 115| 23.2| F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 14:57:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/782wxt/114_lbs/
I'm finally back down to 114 lbs. I have been 120+ for quite some time now and I really thought I wasn't making progress anymore but I have and I am so happy. I weighed myself as I was making a lean cuisine and when saw the number on the scale I threw away the food and had a glass of water. Thanks for listening to my little happy rant, I just wanted to soak in how good I feel because it won't last because 114 is still really high and I just want to be 97 pounds again.

[Discussion] How do you guys deal with weight gain?
/u/yehetnini [168 cm | 50.7 kg | BMI 18 | 17 F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 14:11:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/782mf4/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_weight_gain/
So I was stuck in a binge cycle for around 2 weeks and I'm not sure how much I've actually gained but I know for sure I have. I think I look so fat and disgusting when I look at myself in the mirror. I just want to cry.

I don't know which flair I such add this as so sorry if it's the wrong one.

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like their legs will never be thin?
Created: Sun Oct 22 13:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/782d9r/dae_feel_like_their_legs_will_never_be_thin/
I know it takes at least 4 weeks to see a real change, but it feels so easy for me to get a flat stomach with proper restriction. However, the fat around my thighs and calves are extra stubborn. I know exercise plays a role, too.

Idk it seems like I'm doomed to have a fat legs

[Discussion] DAE: Plan out what they will eat/how much they can eat once they reach their UGW for maintenance?
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 105 | UGW 90 | 18 F | ]
Created: Sun Oct 22 13:00:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/782691/dae_plan_out_what_they_will_eathow_much_they_can/
I'm on heavy restriction eating less than 500 calories a day...and I literally have logged food into my fitness pal for December when I should reach my UGW with all the foods I want to eat now but can't fit into my calorie budget. My TDEE should be about 1,400-1,500 which seems like sooo much food compared to what I let myself have now. Logging it helps me stay on track because I tell myself once I get there I can eat some of the things I've been denying myself for so long. I'm daydreaming about bagels and sushi guys lol.

Does exercising away your calories still count as a fast to you guys? :(
Created: Sun Oct 22 12:34:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/78208t/does_exercising_away_your_calories_still_count_as/

[Discussion] Just curious
Created: Sun Oct 22 12:19:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781wxn/just_curious/
I purge right after i eat. It never tasted acidic. That helps with my teeth right? Not quite sure how it works. My understanding is that stomach acid damages teeth, but if i purge right after it never got mixed in with all that?

[Discussion] Book update!
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 12:19:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781wxi/book_update/
So I wanted to do weekly updates but there isn't really all much to tell so I might do monthly updates instead and change to weekly whenever it starts getting closer to being done.

I'm gonna link to other posts in case you've missed details.
As always you can submit your story to lettersofmyed@gmail.com

Sorry this wasn't as informative or upbeat as before. It's been a struggle this week.

Hope everyone is doing well!

[last weeks update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76d9or/were_writing_a_book_update/?st=J932W6FS&sh=0a3cb4c8)
[last last update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/74w93y/oh_my_god_a_book_update/?st=J932X022&sh=f8657bad)
[original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/74uvwx/a_book_with_you_all_maybe_i_have_ideas/?st=J932Y2AY&sh=5eb89c5f)

[Rant/Rave] mini-freakout followed by huge relief
/u/glitterhellion [5'6" | CW: 165lb | GW: 120lb | 21F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 12:15:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781vyb/minifreakout_followed_by_huge_relief/
Possibly TMI. I weighed myself and started to freak because the scale said I weighed two more pounds than I did a week ago even though I've been restricting...I feel a grumbling in my intestines, take a monster poo, and it turns out my bladder was full as well. Now I'm down two pounds and back to normal. A little disappointed that I didn't lose, but SO relieved that I didn't gain. Anyone else experience this sort of thing? Sorry for being gross lol I just feel so much better now and this happens to me all the time since my poo schedule isn't regular anymore.

[Discussion] DAE drink a shit ton of water every day?
Created: Sun Oct 22 12:00:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781slk/dae_drink_a_shit_ton_of_water_every_day/

[Goal] I lost 30 pounds in 4 months and I feel pretty goddamn good about it
Created: Sun Oct 22 11:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781keg/i_lost_30_pounds_in_4_months_and_i_feel_pretty/

[Discussion] My ED made me a coffee snob
Created: Sun Oct 22 11:18:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781j7w/my_ed_made_me_a_coffee_snob/
I started drinking black coffee a few years ago because of my ED. And now I'm a total coffee snob because of it. I still enjoy a cheap cup (wawa is life) but I will not and can not pass up a good cup of coffee. Idk I was having a cup and thought it was funny lol

[Rant/Rave] “So it’s just like you!”
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.14 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Sun Oct 22 11:07:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/781g2t/so_its_just_like_you/
I was reading out the definitions of “Bahama Mama” to my sister on Urban Dictionary and one of the definitions was “An incredible overweight and "round" woman of Asian/East Asian/Polynesian/Native American Descent.” So I thought nothing of this until my sister goes “Oh, so it’s just like you!”. Are you fucking kidding me. I know it was a joke, I’m white and I weigh 125 pounds but holy shit am I ever triggered. I hate using that word but there’s no other way to describe it. I guess I’m fasting today.

Grocery haul!! Got my coffee and favorite breakfast: pure air. From fuck food whole foods no foods
/u/xCatsunax [5'5 | 105 lbs | BMI: 17.5 | GW 95 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 09:19:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/780rxy/grocery_haul_got_my_coffee_and_favorite_breakfast/

[Rant/Rave] he kissed someone else
Created: Sun Oct 22 08:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/780jun/he_kissed_someone_else/

[Rant/Rave] Fasting is fucking hard
Created: Sun Oct 22 08:30:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/780i37/fasting_is_fucking_hard/
I just fasted 24 hours and I feel like I'm gonna die lmao.... maybe it's because I've been eating 900-1300 calories lately and I have restricted or fasted in forever but I woke up feeling too tired to move and I felt shakey and couldn't see straight. I felt like shit so I ate cereal and bacon now I'm regretting it. Is it because I weigh so less now? I don't even know how much I weigh I could weigh 105 or 98 I don't have a scale xp

[Thinspo] everyone is saying she looks unhealthy now, but i would die to look like her
Created: Sun Oct 22 08:18:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/780fu5/everyone_is_saying_she_looks_unhealthy_now_but_i/

[Rant/Rave] A got a job that will pay for my gym. Hell Yeah
Created: Sun Oct 22 07:44:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7809j7/a_got_a_job_that_will_pay_for_my_gym_hell_yeah/
So I got an apprenticeship!!! Super happy with myself, pretty much a 3 year guaranteed job (if I get through the 6 month probation lol) and they mentioned I can get reimbursed for a gym membership with their company benefits. I’m so jazzed 😎💕🌈✨ now to decide what gym to go to 🌞😱

MY WEIGHT LOSS MOTIVATIONAL JOURNEY - LOSS 85 KGS 187 lbs I رحلتي في خسارة الوزن
Created: Sun Oct 22 07:40:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7808zu/my_weight_loss_motivational_journey_loss_85_kgs/

[Other] Since we talk about poop a lot.....
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Sun Oct 22 07:26:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7806h9/since_we_talk_about_poop_a_lot/

[Help] shaky during a fast
Created: Sun Oct 22 06:16:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zvow/shaky_during_a_fast/
how do you calm yourself when you're in the middle of a fast and become shaky? I am planning on fasting today but i usually get jittery by the time i go into work, and i would like to stop it so i am not tempted to eat a whole baguette or french fries.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 22, 2017
Created: Sun Oct 22 06:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zuzs/daily_food_diary_october_22_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Oct 22 06:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zuyv/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

[Goal] This collarbone made me happy today
Created: Sun Oct 22 06:09:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zur1/this_collarbone_made_me_happy_today/

[Other] Louis Theroux will be doing a documentary called "Talking To Anorexia" on Sunday 29 October at 9-10pm on BBC 2
/u/lunamoon1 [165.5cm | cw: 98lbs | lw: 93lbs |19f]
Created: Sun Oct 22 05:36:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zqc1/louis_theroux_will_be_doing_a_documentary_called/

[Rant/Rave] People are starting to notice but not SO
Created: Sun Oct 22 04:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zjt8/people_are_starting_to_notice_but_not_so/
[on mobile, please flair as rant/rave]

So, I’m living with my boyfriend and have lost a bit of weight these past few months through restriction (can’t purge, never could, and I guess that’s a good thing actually). But A/ I don’t really ~see~ it, in the sense that I still feel huge and even though the numbers decrease and my clothes are getting baggy, I don’t feel I’ve gone far enough and B/ my boyfriend hasn’t commented at all.

So I tought I was just being a bit dramatic over my food issues, but lately other people, that I hadn’t seen in a few month, commented on my weight loss. His mum told me I lost a lot and asked if I was okay, and yesterday a girl friend told me I had “dropped so much” and also asked if I was ok.

And I just realized: he sees me every hour of the day (we live and work in the same place), that’s why he didn’t notice the weight loss. And also my boyfriend has such disordered thoughts on eating and his own body himself (always thinks he’s too fat, asking me how much calories are in such food, and then ordering lots of junk food... a total mess), he doesn’t even realize how bad I am, he’s just focused on his own thing. Just this week he asked what I wanted for lunch and I said I’ll just have a soup and he had anxiety over what to eat himself and said “eating is so easy for you”, I almost cried (spoiler alert: it’s not. It’s not fucking easy, I’m scared of eating). And yesterday he was set on making Mac and cheese for us and asked if it was okay for me because it was probably going to be fat and high calories (so he does notice I’m careful around food). So I dunno. I think being with him and his own disordered eating is really not helpful for me right know, but since I don’t want to get better yet... I’m conflicted.

[Rant/Rave] My family are going to notice!
/u/noidea744 [5'3| CW 110.8 | BMI 20|F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 03:42:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77zckb/my_family_are_going_to_notice/
I've genuinely only just realised that at some point my family, friends ect are going to notice my weight loss. It's only been a few months since I relapsed and with my boyfriend I've only lost like 10 lbs so it's not noticeable yet. Once they do start to notice I'm hoping that I can blame exercising for my knee issues and eating healthier. I'm an adult, I'm 24 they can't do anything about it right? All the can do is worry and complain so it will be okay, I just can't go too low :/

[Intro] intro post
Created: Sun Oct 22 03:22:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77za9d/intro_post/
ive been mostly a lurker on this sub but heres my formal introduction
you guys can call me soap, i've been struggling with ed for a few years now (i have recovered and relapsed multiple times)
h: 5'2
cw: 106
gw: 90
ugw: 80

[Help] the binge aspect
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sun Oct 22 01:41:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yz3k/the_binge_aspect/
so ive been like 90% successful in stopping purging but how the fuckity fuck do i stop binging. i mean ita never been the wild binges ive heard about, but 300(+) over my tdee is driving me mental. im overweight according to bmi and i physically feel like in some places im wearing a fucking fat suit. how do i stop eating more than i want when im not hungry?????? fucking shit im so tired and i dont wanna go back to purging my teeth feel scary

(x post from /r/bulimia because lets be real i love yall so much more and honestly this is the best ed help place ever)

[Other] I only have half my intestines... And it makes my stomach flatter.
/u/PixTheFairy [5"0 | CW 124 | BMI 23.6 | Weight Lost 30lbs | UGW 90lbs]
Created: Sun Oct 22 01:38:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yyps/i_only_have_half_my_intestines_and_it_makes_my/
You know you have a morbid obsession with your ED when you realise that even though you're at the TOP of the "healthy" range of the BMI scale, you're happy you have a flat stomach nomatter what the reason.

I don't have amazing abs. I don't do 10000 situps. My stomach is just flat because I only have half of my intestines left after a car accident when I was 17.

Yeah I have a huge scar but I actually think it's kinda gnarly. When I hit my UGW I'm gonna get a tattoo over it.

Doesn't help my thunder thighs though FML. 😑💩😵

[Rant/Rave] lessons from binging
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~132 gw~115]
Created: Sun Oct 22 01:33:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yy75/lessons_from_binging/
had a really shitty binge this evening. took about two hours to get out of the crazy foodfrenzy where i just want to put everything in my mouth bc i *literally* cannot stop myself.

i ate

* a ton of leftover french fries

* a bunch of cheezits

* two giant bowls of cereal

* some zucchini bread

* a shit ton of skittles

and now i have some reflections on that. i'm trying to take this as a learning experience and not get too upset. it happens. ^((fuck me though goddammit why did i have to binge like this))

* don't fast for 60 hours. for me, at least. i ate a ton of candy wednesday night, then fasted until this morning. tried to break my fast with 300 calories of oatmeal and grapes. which spiraled into binging by the end of the day. ugh.

* just bc i hit a new lw doesn't mean i can 'reward' myself with trigger food. for dinner tonight i told myself i could get fish and chips from this place near me which would be some 700 calories, bc i did my longest fast and lost 2.8 lbs. i didn't realize how much of a binge triggering food fried stuff is apparently.

* skittles are my perfect binge food bc i eat them super slowly. can eat like only 200 calories worth in an hour.

* cereal is the worst binge food, bc all my family ever has in the fridge is whole milk, and cereal is so calorie dense. the calories build up so fucking fast. had 2 large bowls for like 600 calories. dear god.

* as much as i want to fast tomorrow in response to this, i can't. i'll end up binging again tomorrow night. just need to get back in the habit of regular restricting. gonna keep it under 600 tomorrow, if not less.

[Discussion] Anyone else have a shitty family situation?
/u/raz563 [5"11 | GW: 120lb | Female]
Created: Sun Oct 22 01:14:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yvu6/anyone_else_have_a_shitty_family_situation/
Being an introvert, I've been thinking a lot.. about whether family situations create self esteem issues that can lead to EDs.

I'm not really referring to parents who were obsessive about food (that one's pretty obvious) - more like general abuse of any kind.

I think To The Bone touched on this too.

I don't expect anyone to reply to this as it's kind of personal but just wondered if anyone had any info on it? Could just be a stupid theory though.

[Help] Best Quest Bars?
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 00:19:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yp7y/best_quest_bars/
So, I am obsessed with chocolate chip clif bars but I have wanted to experiment into other protein bars I may enjoy. Clif bars to me (chocolate chip) are just like having a treat, I absolutely love them.

I know there’s a lot of popularity in quest bars, so I tried one. I tried the Chocolate Brownie flavour but honestly didn’t like it.

I was wondering what quest bars are the most popular and what you guys recommend, or other protein bars you think I may enjoy ! Thanks

[Other] I just purged seriously for the first time and I don't know how to feel
/u/annan4 [5'4.5" | I hate myself| 18F]
Created: Sun Oct 22 00:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yo1q/i_just_purged_seriously_for_the_first_time_and_i/
I after never being desperate enough I guess finally resolved to start purging. I had been trying to do it for the past week but couldn't ever really get anything out, but this time I just kept going but it was slow and disgusting. I honestly feel so bad right now but I think its only because I know I didnt get everything out. I'm sad because I feel like this is the start of a downward spiral that will only result in weight gain, but I know now that I've done it I'll probably do it again. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Goal] My cascading calorie limits
Created: Sat Oct 21 22:59:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77yeh4/my_cascading_calorie_limits/

[Help] Alli/Orlistat experiences?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 160.6 | -9.4 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 21:13:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xx84/alliorlistat_experiences/

"The best girls are slim thick."
Created: Sat Oct 21 21:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xw95/the_best_girls_are_slim_thick/

[Discussion] Please someone tell me that they do this too??
/u/ummyeahokay [5'5" | 116 | 19.5 | -32 | 28F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 20:36:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xqrz/please_someone_tell_me_that_they_do_this_too/

[Discussion] What keeps you accountable?
Created: Sat Oct 21 20:33:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xqak/what_keeps_you_accountable/
I always say I'm going to do something, then i forget about it and I don't do what I wanted to do and then I feel guilty. Like I want to fast tomorrow and then for the rest of the week try to only eat my safe foods, but I don't want to either forget and eat something or make a bad decision and overeat. Do you do anything specific to remind yourself of your goals and keep yourself accountable?

[Help] Eating late at night
Created: Sat Oct 21 20:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xmtm/eating_late_at_night/
So basically I'm just wondering what the effects of eating right before bed really are. I'm super paranoid about it and can never eat anything substantial close to when I'm going to sleep, but hypothetically, if you were to fast all day everyday and only ate right before bed would this have any effect on weight loss??

[Intro] A short intro
/u/floweredfox [5'1" | 2fat | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 20:03:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xl62/a_short_intro/
welp, I'm a 2nd year uni student who's been struggling hard with off and on phases of binging and restriction for the past 4yrs or so. Been lurking for about the past 2 years, posting veeery infrequently for the past 1. Also very briefly used peach. But anyways here's an official hi from me. hello!

[Rant/Rave] Broke after three months
Created: Sat Oct 21 19:25:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xeio/broke_after_three_months/

[Discussion] Do any of you have an Instagram account just to follow thin girls/proed accounts
Created: Sat Oct 21 19:05:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xaz4/do_any_of_you_have_an_instagram_account_just_to/
Because I definitely do

[Rant/Rave] first day in a week that I haven’t purged!!!!!!
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.5 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 21 19:02:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77xaee/first_day_in_a_week_that_i_havent_purged/
I’m so proud honestly. I still ate too much but despite that I didn’t throw up a single time today AND I went to the gym. Fuck yeah.

[Thinspo] 💨
Created: Sat Oct 21 18:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77x867/_/

[Discussion] do you ever feel like your disorder is okay because at least you're healthier than the norm (over-indulgence) ?
/u/lists_n_shits [5'4" | CW 113 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 18:29:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77x4n9/do_you_ever_feel_like_your_disorder_is_okay/
Yoo I know my mindset and obsession with food / weight is not healthy. But still I tell myself- "At least I care, this is way better than the opposite!! At least I make an effort to fight the constant bombardment of over indulgence."

Idk I think our disorders are a reaction to modern society. It's so easy to be obese these days. And it's so hard to have control without it becoming obsessive.

But then again I'm legit afraid of eating normally, because I'm sure my normal healthy weight hovers around 115 and at that weight my thighs look so fat and gross.

[Discussion] I walk like a fat person
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Sat Oct 21 18:08:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77x0lt/i_walk_like_a_fat_person/
So my co-worker and I were walking out of the break room when she said to me “You walk like a fat person. You’re not fat. You just walk like you used to be or something. What the fuck does that mean?! Should I be offended? I am too confused !!!🤷‍♀️

[Rant/Rave] Barista put sugar in my tea. I seriously considered purging it.
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 🇨🇦 ♂︎]
Created: Sat Oct 21 17:46:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77wwmg/barista_put_sugar_in_my_tea_i_seriously/
One of these days I'll learn that Starbucks has the syrup as default in their iced teas... Honestly, at most it was 130 calories and I drank like half of it, but I still considered purging it after I realized it had sugar in it.

This is what I get for drinking anything I guess.

[Discussion] Anyone ever tried CLA?
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1|CW 200|GW 110|-20|22/FTM]
Created: Sat Oct 21 17:13:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77wqhe/anyone_ever_tried_cla/

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend getting tired of me
Created: Sat Oct 21 17:05:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77wost/boyfriend_getting_tired_of_me/
On mobile, flair as rant

So yeah. I'm mostly a lurker here but now I really need to get this off my chest. And since I can't talk to my bf about it and I don't have any friends I'll post to my favourite sub.

We've been together for like a year and a half. I've lost like 20lbs in that time. When we started I was umm "normal". I had episodes of disordered eating before, but like 2 years before that. Now my ED is undeniable and comes in waves. He notices. He gets worried and says I'm a totally different person, that I zone out when I restrict. Also I cry alot and I have sudden mood shifts when I completely cut him out,. When I do that I feel kinda repulsed by him (I know that sounds horrible and I always regret it but still). I've lost all my interests and sex drive. I don't know what to do to be more like myself again. I can't stop restricting now, I'm not far from my Gw. He doesn't like skinny girls tho. I know he likes thick girls and that hurts even more (BMI 19.5 and far from thick). I feel like I'm such a letdown. Also I cut myself for the first time in years and I'm really really scared of the conversation we'll have when he notices. I can't talk about my feelings so when he tries to start that subject I become such a bitch I feel sorry for him.
I'm at my family's home for the weekend (student life). I see him tomorrow and I don't know how to feel about that. Part of me wants to be with him all the time and the other part just want to feel sorry for myself and not think about anyone else.

That rant probably didn't make much sense but I needed to write it down to clear my head I guess. It's the middle of the night, I can't sleep, barely ate in last few days. Ughhg why is this so fucking difficult?????

[Rant/Rave] How many of y'all only have junk as safe food? And how many of you guys get told you don't have an eating disorder because you eat said junk?
Created: Sat Oct 21 16:10:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77wdvy/how_many_of_yall_only_have_junk_as_safe_food_and/
I swear, people keep telling me there's no way I struggle with food. "All you eat is chocolate/cake/pudding!"
Well...yeah. Cause that's the only food I'm comfortable eating you twit.

I'm getting so tired of being told I can't possibly have an eating disorder because I don't eat healthy.
Doesn't matter that I consume less than 400 calories a day most days, no. What matters is that those calories are chocolate! The horror!
Me losing over a quarter of my body weight in 3 months and being well on my way to underweight isn't important because I eat cake!

Ignorance at its finest. If I'm brave enough to tell someone close to me about a serious problem, I think I at least deserve a little understanding. Not flat out disbelief and having my diet made fun of. Guess that's too much to ask for. Rant over.

Tl;dr: Just cause I choose cake over lettuce doesn't mean my struggles aren't valid. Picking cookies over vegetables doesn't magically make people with eating disorders "cured".

[Discussion] What would be the starter pack for proED?
Created: Sat Oct 21 16:10:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77wdr2/what_would_be_the_starter_pack_for_proed/
Need some ideas :)

[Discussion] Does anyone else have a really idealized way they imagine eating once they reach their gw?
/u/analeonhardt [💎 5'2.5 | CW 121.6 | GW 107 | 28F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 15:27:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77w5a0/does_anyone_else_have_a_really_idealized_way_they/
I kind of obsess over mine. My life won't be dictated by food anymore. I will eat three meals a day with maybe one snack if I need it. I will eat mostly veggies, beans, nuts, and seeds. I will eat fruit occasionally if I am craving something sweet. My meals will be small, but nutritionally dense.

[Thinspo] I’m back.
Created: Sat Oct 21 15:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77w3aj/im_back/

[Rant/Rave] My coworkers jokingly asked me if I ever eat and it was the best thing ever
/u/champu-petal [5'6" | CW: 111 | HW: 152 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 15:13:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77w2ec/my_coworkers_jokingly_asked_me_if_i_ever_eat_and/
we were all drinking and everyone else got fries except for me, and when one person asked if i wanted anything, the the others chimed in and said i never really eat anything. i don't think they suspect anything, but it made me feel sooooo good

of course, i went home and binged on pretzels dipped in bbq sauce so there's that

[Goal] Starting next paycheck, 600 calories Keto.
Created: Sat Oct 21 14:57:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77vz0n/starting_next_paycheck_600_calories_keto/
I used to be real active here but my account got discovered. But anyhow. I am feeling extra super fat. I hate everything. I am going to do this like my paycheck. 600 calories a day. 4200 a week maximum. I gotta get moving down down down.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so upset
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 13:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77vks5/im_so_upset/
i'm in Virginia this weekend to see my dad. I've had to eat at maintenance so far for the past two days. I can see my body getting fatter. I can feel my stomach bloating. I can see my thigh gap getting smaller and my chest bones getting less visible.

I'm pissed and upset and feel absolutely disgusting.

I have a doctors appointment set up for Monday and I'm so scared that I'll have gained so much weight over the weekend that they won't take me seriously. I don't want them to think I'm at a BMI of almost 17. That doesn't feel low enough.

I feel so horrible and I don't want to gain weight and I don't want the doctor to think I am just making this problem up or something

Idefk. I know I need to recover. My family was basically horrified at "how thin I am" and all I can see is a disgusting pile of fat.

Just needed to vent. I'm really struggling.

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is keeping me from being underweight
Created: Sat Oct 21 13:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77vdpq/my_boyfriend_is_keeping_me_from_being_underweight/
First I want to say how annoying I feel with my posts on here and this account is solely used for this sub. I have to keep myself from posting all the time cause this is always on my mind, but I feel annoying. You guys are just the only ones who understand obviously and I want to talk to other people about these struggles.

Anyways, I realized recently that my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me from going to the extremes that I want to- like fasting for more than 24hrs and eating only a couple hundred calories. He explicitly told me the other day that he would not let that happen. We live together and work together and eat together (we do IF most days and only eat at night anyways) so it’s not like I can say I already ate or something cause he will definitely not believe me. It’s frustrating because I realized if I was by myself I would be able to go much longer without eating and restrict much more, especially because we like to go out a lot and that makes it super hard to restrict.

This isn’t to say I don’t want to be with him though. He is the kindest most understanding person I have ever met and listens to me constantly talking about my weight and eating or crying because I don’t want to eat or because I gained weight. He is amazing and so supportive, I don’t deserve him.

I just think how much I could lose if I was by myself ugh 😑

Currently sat in a restaurant with friends ruining everyone’s time.
Created: Sat Oct 21 13:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77vbul/currently_sat_in_a_restaurant_with_friends/

[Discussion] DAE not know why they starve themselves?
/u/fuckwit_charlie [5'2 | 84 lbs | BMI: 16.24 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 12:39:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77v5qc/dae_not_know_why_they_starve_themselves/
I don’t know why I starve myself but I do. I don’t think I’m overweight, but I want to be skinnier. I know it’s unhealthy but I do it anyway. It’s a compulsion and I don’t know what motivates me to do it, or why it keeps resurfacing. DAE feel the same way? I feel like if I could pinpoint the reason, I’d be halfway to understanding it.

[Help] feeling faint/dizzy
Created: Sat Oct 21 12:26:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77v2po/feeling_faintdizzy/
i prefer to restrict/fast bc i have sm trouble purging. im fine w being slightly dizzy but feeling faint gets to me, im already low on quite a few vitamins (i do take them though). does anyone have any tips on feeling a bit more energetic whilst fasting? i know it sounds dumb but i just want to ask anyway :(

[Rant/Rave] Had a customer at work make a remark to me about my weight the other day.
/u/lunaceres_ [5'3 | 117 | 21.30 | -11 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 12:14:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77v09g/had_a_customer_at_work_make_a_remark_to_me_about/
So I work for a department store as a supervisor. The checkout lines got pretty nuts the other day so I hopped on to help get them down. So this older couple, probably in their sixties I'd guess come up to check out. I make the obligatory small talk and I notice the wife is like, giving me this squinting side eye sort of maneuver and is just staring at my body. So this is how the conversation goes.

Her: "What are you, like a size (guesses number higher than the size I actually wear)?"

Me: "Uh, well, not really sure, haven't bought new clothes in a bit..."

I'm basically trying to awkwardly play it off knowing full well what size I wear. But she doesn't let it go and continues squinting at me.

Her: "Tell the truth. Do you eat?"

Me: ".......yes."

Her: "Do you exercise?"

Me: "Yes."

Her: "That explains it then!"

So I mean part of me is insulted because she was rude as hell but part of me is kinda stoked random strangers are asking if I eat so I mean hey, I'll take what I can get?

[Rant/Rave] Hard work pays off + any indoor exercising ideas?
/u/xCatsunax [5'5 | 105 lbs | BMI: 17.5 | GW 95 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 11:58:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77uwo4/hard_work_pays_off_any_indoor_exercising_ideas/
Hard work really does pay off. I'm 5'5 and reached my (what I like to call) happy weight 105 lbs. It's been kind of hard to find ways to exercise because the weather is so 🚣‍♂️🚢⛈🌦🌧🌦🌦🌦🌪🌫🌫🌫💧💧💧💧☔☔ shitty. Don't have the money to join a gym. But 10 more lbs til my ugw. But even now I feel so sexy and like I don't mean to brag but I was standing in my underwear last night like fuck who needs clothes, not you. Anyway xD I feel good. Just need to exercise somehow. Any ideas?

[Goal] Binged all week, gained five pounds. But I've got a plan, and plans fix everything.
/u/Guilty_Treasures [5'3" | 105 | 19.5 | GW1:99 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 11:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77uu4t/binged_all_week_gained_five_pounds_but_ive_got_a/
DEAR DIARY (which is code for boring, self-absorbed rambling ahead, get out while you still can),

I'm back, bishes. Knew I would be. I missed restricting, but luckily^^killme I've binged for exactly one week and gained five pounds that I can now diet off again. (It's weird to change mindsets
so extremely from one day to the next. Like eating oatmeal made with eggnog on Friday but stopping yourself from accidentally licking a spoon on Saturday.) Anyway, I was a hard-earned 104 before the binge week, and this time around I'd like to see if I can get away with 100 without raising any worries or suspicions among loved ones (layers, anyone?). I'd also like to gently incorporate some fitness stuff into my routine and raise my calories accordingly as I go. I always have a hell of a time trying to get my restriction goals and my exercise goals to play nicely together, but here we go again.

For me at least, seriously half the fun of restricting is the planning and organizing, so I banged out a food and exercise plan through the end of November, with a side goal of developing more consistent and disciplined habits. And hey, if anyone wants to join me with the exercise plan, please do! The more the merrier. In addition to some stretching and walking, I'm going to do six old-school pilates workouts that I used to do long ago during a successful restricting period. They're set to music, and I'd like to try setting the same exercises to a playlist of my own, both so I don't have to rewatch the videos every time and so I can listen to my own trashy kpop. Each video is about ten minutes, here they are:

[1. full body](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWQtEfZMTB8)

[2. core](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZNbJw8t0gQ)

[3. upper body](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bBk2oidYvE)

[4. butt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LLFHwI3SJM)

[5. legs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHfe0rG_THk)

[6. full body again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRCIX3cdW34)

**Week of 10/22 - 10/28**

* Daily calories: 800 (penance for binge week, not that it'll come close to undoing that damage) My basic food plan for 800 calorie days is [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77t0a5/daily_food_diary_october_21_2017/dooryp0/)

* Daily exercise: full body stretching routine [based on this,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fztE4mK7C0) which shouldn't be affected by restricting.

**Week of 10/29 - 11/4**

* Daily calories: 900

* Daily exercise: stretching routine + one pilates video. Throughout the week, add another video every other day for a total of three.

**Week of 11/5 - 11/11**

* Daily calories: 1000

* Daily exercise: stretching routine + four pilates videos. Throughout the week, add another video every other day for a total of six.

**Week of 11/12 - 11/18**

* Daily calories: 1100

* Daily exercise: stretching routine + all six videos

**Week of 11/19 - 11/25**

* Daily calories: 1200

* Daily exercise: continue stretching and pilates -- add ~3 mile walk at least 4x a week, every day if possible.

I'll probably re-evaluate at this point; if I like it, I could keep going as long as I want. I may do more calories if it's not enough to get me through the workouts, or fewer if I'm not losing weight the way I want to. I also want to run and lift weights! But I would have to eat enough to be able to run and lift weights! But I also want to be stick thin! Any time I think too hard about my conflicting goals, my head starts to spin, so I'll try to just focus on the next five weeks and see how it goes. Wish me luck!

[Rant/Rave] Been ill and eating way too much as a result
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 125 | 21.4 | GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Sat Oct 21 11:27:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77upl4/been_ill_and_eating_way_too_much_as_a_result/
I know being ill is no excuse for me to eat as much as I have done:
50g~ of sushi rice, 3/4 bowl of soup with 4 slices of toast so far today
Large boneless banquet KFC, 5x forkfuls of chow mein and seaweed and about 10 chips from a chinese and a quarter of a large bar of chocolate yesterday
A salted caramel brownie and a large portion of homemade katsu on Thursday

Honestly I feel so shit because on top of that I've been drinking fanta, hot chocolates with cream and to make myself feel better tea with lots of honey in because I've had a sore throat and a cough.

Time to step on the scales and see how much I've gained ((((((:

Update: now 127 which isn't a lot but even so, fuck being ill

[Rant/Rave] Thank You
Created: Sat Oct 21 11:21:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77uoc6/thank_you/
You guys give me more inspiration and a community that I can connect on a whole new level and feel welcomed.

[Rant/Rave] Found out my bf was cheating on me our entire relationship.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 129.0| BMI: 21.72|HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 11:02:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77uk77/found_out_my_bf_was_cheating_on_me_our_entire/
Ya self explanatory.
Found out my bf was cheating on me pretty much our entire relationship.

The girls he was cheating on me with were fucking huge.
And I just don't get it.
Like I'm not trying to be an ass. But. Damn.
Like they are actually overweight. Borderline obese.

And I'm just over here like, started at 167 when we first started dating and now I'm 120 and I guess he was only into fat chicks sooooo.

Ya but good news is he's gone I left his ass and moved back into my moms for now till I find a new place.

Aaaaannnnd I haven't eaten since Sunday. So that's almost a week long fast. So I've got that going for me. I've lost 5.8 lbs.

I feel totally fine. So I guess I'll just keep going till I feel not ok and then I'll eat some soup or something.

Hurray for water, Powerade zero, and self loathing.

[Rant/Rave] DAE get like..scared to eat after fasting?
/u/z0mbabe [5'7 |175lbs | F| 🍑z0mbabe]
Created: Sat Oct 21 10:32:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77udq4/dae_get_likescared_to_eat_after_fasting/
I’ve been doing 5:2 fasting all October and it’s worked well for me but I’m finding it harder and harder to convince myself it’s ok to eat on the weekends? My stomach has shrunk and I get full easily and here’s no way I’ll even eat at maintenance but I keep thinking I’m going to ruin my progress of the week even though I know it’s physically impossible.

Does anyone else do this? I literally get through my fasts by planning my weekend meals and looking forward to them and then I’m too scared to enjoy it :/

[Help] fasting tips?
Created: Sat Oct 21 09:42:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77u33g/fasting_tips/

Created: Sat Oct 21 09:26:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77tzun/guys_low_calorie_vegan_desserts/

[Rant/Rave] Finally lost weight after years of maintenance!
Created: Sat Oct 21 09:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77txfo/finally_lost_weight_after_years_of_maintenance/
Yesterday after a rough workout, I knew it was finally time to see how much I weigh since school started. My school boasts about their high tech gym equipment, but their lack of a digital scale ANYWHERE was definitely frustrating lol. Call me an annoying millennial, but those old fashioned sliding scales just don't cut it. So I had to group chat my dorm to see if anyone had a scale, only slightly awkward. One girl did, so I whisked it away to my room and..........

I've lost EIGHT pounds since school started! I've been stuck at maintenance for years guys, and have been wanting to productively lose weight the whole time. Its finally, finally happening.

[Discussion] Preventing hair loss?
Created: Sat Oct 21 09:08:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77tw3q/preventing_hair_loss/
Is it possible to prevent hair loss? How?

I have naturally very thick hair, so I never lose ALL of it. But it gets wayyy thinner and it bothers me. Not to mention how much of a pain it is to have to pull hair out of the shower drain all the time.

So yeah anyway I think I’m starting to lose hair again. My mom commented on it, too. Not sure if it’s ED-related or hypothyroidism-related, though. (I have low thyroid hormone levels, but my TSH isn’t high enough right now for medication to be helpful.)

Would eating more protein help? I tend to eat a lot of carbs lol

[Intro] Hi, I'm currently an overeater, and I've been having anorexic thoughts... I think I'm gonna go through with it, this time.
Created: Sat Oct 21 08:56:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ttbn/hi_im_currently_an_overeater_and_ive_been_having/

[Discussion] Coke Zero? Will i gain?? HELP!
Created: Sat Oct 21 08:48:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77tryv/coke_zero_will_i_gain_help/
I keep hearing mixed messages about coke zero, on the one hand i know it’s really popular with the community for a zero cal and filling drink. But i keep hearing about how soda/soft drinks, even diet ones, make you gain weight and are really fattening!! is this true? is my coke zero actually a safe food?! If you know anything about this please comment, i’m so anxious about what i’m doing when i drink it now. I’m relying heavily on 0 cal fizzy drinks to stay under my 600 cal daily intake, could they be the reason i’m not losing much weight?

[Rant/Rave] My longest fast to date!
/u/Anonymous_MM [5'2"| CW 140 | BMI 26.5 | GW 110 | 19F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 08:40:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77tq7v/my_longest_fast_to_date/
Some background: I have pretty much no willpower, and my daily fasts (IF) last on avg 13h (w/ a goal of 16). I attempt 800 cal a day, but usually end up around 1,000 with some purging. Basically, I’m shit at restricting.
HOWEVER, I just had my wisdom teeth extracted and had to fast 12 h prior. That, along w/ the nausea and fatigue after helped me go 34h 40m!
While I know it’s not very long for a lot of people, but for me it’s a really good fast. So, I’m... a tiny bit proud? 😅

[Goal] 98lbs today! Lost 19lbs in nearly a month
/u/lunamoon1 [165.5cm | cw: 98lbs | lw: 93lbs |19f]
Created: Sat Oct 21 07:30:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77td7o/98lbs_today_lost_19lbs_in_nearly_a_month/
After a very shitty day yesterday(Found out I have to go back to IP on the 30th... a month and 5 days after I've been discharged - must be a new record right on how quickly someone can replace lmao), this has slightly cheered me up plus I'm eating under 200 calories a day and not even feeling hungry( *might* be due to the fact I drink so much water/diet drinks/tea

I know that I'll have to gain in IP but my brain's logic is "Might as well lose as much weight as possible before you're forced to gain weight".

[Discussion] Baby you're so vein ;)
Created: Sat Oct 21 07:30:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77td6w/baby_youre_so_vein/
I know most of us love us some pronounced collar bones, but does anyone else think that visible veins have this certain aesthetic to them?

When I started losing the veins on my arms started to show way more and I must admitt I really like that look. Even though - or maybe even because?!- it can look a bit "sick" (as in arms are too thin).

I also always found visible veins in guys to be super attractive, especially in forarms and hands.

However I also know that some people are quite the opposite. A friend of mine told me she finds veins weird and a little disgusting. 🙈

What do you guys think? I cannot help but being fascinated by them :)

(sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language)

[Discussion] October 21st, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 07:03:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77t8ck/october_21st_2017_question_of_the_day/
What word did you recently learn?

[Discussion] My favourite thing about losing weight
Created: Sat Oct 21 06:59:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77t7qo/my_favourite_thing_about_losing_weight/
I recently started working in a pub, I was losing weight before I started there and the two other girls there are kinda cubby so I feel v skinny in comparison to them.

When the pub is crowded I love being able to easily slip in between people while walking around, it makes me feel so small I love it. Does anybody else get really happy feeling like they’re small enough to fit in smaller places?

I also had this thing at uni the other day when I had to go in between two chairs and I was like “I can’t fit” but then I could fit with no problem!

I also really love my jeans feeling really baggy, I’m rambling but my jeans are basically falling off me all the time now.

Conclusion! I’ve been 6ft tall sins I was 14 WHICH IS REALLY WEIRD FOR A GIRL so it was hard to find cloth that fit and I’ve never had this feeling of being small. But now I’m starting to get it and I love it :)

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! October 21, 2017
Created: Sat Oct 21 06:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77t0gk/stupid_questions_saturday_october_21_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for October 21, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 21, 2017
Created: Sat Oct 21 06:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77t0a5/daily_food_diary_october_21_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] never happy with my weight
Created: Sat Oct 21 05:55:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77syb1/never_happy_with_my_weight/
so last october i was 142lbs.
this october i am 103lbs
i could've lost more but obviously suffering with EDNOS, i also binge A LOT. i told myself i'd be happy when i was 120lbs and i wasn't. at 120lbs i told myself i'd be happy at 105lbs and i wasn't. now at 103lbs my goal weight is 95lbs and i don't know if i'm going to be happy with that :(( it's just really deflating when you hit a goal weight and feel good and proud of yourself for a day and then the next day you're back to pinching your fat and heavy restricting :(

[Help] Anyone heard of Clenbuterol?
/u/thunderbirdandspice [5'10" | 136 | 19.5 | -10 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 21 03:24:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77sfyt/anyone_heard_of_clenbuterol/

[Rant/Rave] Will this never end
/u/elliebearrrr [F21|5'6"|HW:190 SW:175 CW:148]
Created: Sat Oct 21 02:13:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77s84k/will_this_never_end/
This time last month I was my lowest weight ever. Since then I've been on the worst binge of my life, literally every day I've gone over my calorie goal and most days over maintenance.

I've put on 10lbs of the 30 I lost over summer and I feel like absolute shit knowing I could be so much thinner by now, I'm so hopeless

I'm not even hungry anymore, I just eat for the sake of it

Gonna head out to the gym now and try to fast all weekend.

I'll probably ruin it but I guess I'm posting here for some accountability!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend x

[Rant/Rave] How to successfully fast for more than 24 hours:
Created: Sat Oct 21 00:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ruqh/how_to_successfully_fast_for_more_than_24_hours/

[Other] Where can we find this old gypsy man!?
/u/aetolica [5'4" | F | 31]
Created: Fri Oct 20 23:35:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77rooj/where_can_we_find_this_old_gypsy_man/

[Goal] I just realized I'm out of goal clothes.
Created: Fri Oct 20 23:34:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77rojx/i_just_realized_im_out_of_goal_clothes/
All the skinny clothes I've been keeping in my closet for years, all the things I've bought to motivate me to keep going, they all fit. Now I have a closet mostly full of clothes that are too big. I still feel fat. I thought once I got to a size 2, everything would be fine. A part of me knew that was just my disordered brain lying to me. It'll never be fine. I'm never going to be good enough. I'm convinced the size 2s and extra small tops are all just mis-labeled or vanity sizing. Like none of it is a real size 2 or xs or else I would be as little as that girl I met today. I feel like I'm literally twice her size.

[Discussion] Morbid Fascination
Created: Fri Oct 20 22:39:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77rgng/morbid_fascination/
So I'm rather... Pale. *Cough* Pasty. *Cough* When I'm quite thin, my skin is almost transparent and my veins become prominently visible. I've been inordinately interested in (okay, obsessed with) their appearance forever-- I used to trace them with colored pens in math class. Purple was my favorite. Yes, in retrospect, I understand completely why people found me off-putting. Anyway, I was just "casually noticing" how much better I can see them lately, and it occurred to me that I've devoted incredible energy to disappearing myself. Take up as little space as possible, whittle down to bones and sinew, literally *turn myself see- through*. That's super fucked up, right?

[Help] How am I not gaining weight?
Created: Fri Oct 20 22:38:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77rgl1/how_am_i_not_gaining_weight/
After eating 500-1000 calories for about 3 months, with exercise, and losing 15 kg, and maintaining my weight on 1000 calories, my parents have started making me eat around 2000 calories everyday, with no exercise.

Yet, when I weighed myself today, 14 days later... I've lost a pound? How did this happen? I'm eating so much.

[Help] Weird Question
/u/whimsicalfae776 [Height 5'3 | CW 103 | HW 120 | LW 90| "GW" 108]
Created: Fri Oct 20 22:26:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77repu/weird_question/
This is going to sound really weird and I swear on my life that I'm not one of those tumblr girls who swears up and down that they identify as fictionkin or something in that vein- but does anyone else feel like they don't look like themselves? Like your body doesn't match your mental image of your body? This isn't in a dysmorphic way, I don't think I'm ugly at all or that people won't like me. If anything, the way my "inner self"(idk what else to call it) is *less* attractive than how my body looks. I've taken a lot of non-weight related steps to make my outer-self match my inner one, and each time I did my self confidence boosted significantly(cut & dyed my hair, redid my eyebrows entirely, wore compression sports bras to flatten my chest, etc.). Right now, I feel like I'm really, really close to achieving "myself." I don't really want to call it dysphoria, because it's not gender related and I am very certain that I am a woman, but I can't think of a better word to describe it. I've done research into things like BIID and a lot of the feelings that they were having resonated with me. However, I'm not transgender, and my 'inner self' isn't disabled. I'm just wondering if anyone else feels similarly, because I've never seen anything like this discussed anywhere.

[Rant/Rave] I used to be thinner.
/u/sewnp [5'6"/CW:FAT/UGW:99/NB]
Created: Fri Oct 20 22:14:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77rcyl/i_used_to_be_thinner/
I used to be thinner. I used to be able to stand sideways in the mirror and like what I saw moreso than my front view.

I used to exercise everyday, not even a lot. Fifty sit ups at least every single day and it helped me be thinner.

I used to walk everywhere before agoraphobia took its hold on me and plagued my mind. I lost twenty lbs in ~two months just from walking and doing sit-ups.

I used to be moderately happy with my body when I used to be thinner.

tl;dr: I started trying to get back into my old exercise routine(s) that I found helped me the most back in the day and alas my depression still hinders me. I would walk 2-4 miles everyday or 4-5 days a week and then do 50 sit ups everyday. My favorite is reverse sit-ups bc I do tend to carry my weight on my lower stomach. I GUESS WHAT I’M getting at here is I’m gonna try to get back on track to be happy with myself. I want this to be a hold me accountable post so if I fail there are ‘Consequences’.

163lbs today. Fasting 12-24 hours tomorrow. 400 calorie max after fast.

[Other] 2,100 calories and i am still hungry
/u/til_wednesday [5'8" | CW: 110 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 22:10:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77rcbi/2100_calories_and_i_am_still_hungry/

[Rant/Rave] Hit my goal weight yesterday, binged today - I’m not even a little bit mad, y’all.
Created: Fri Oct 20 21:22:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77r4ha/hit_my_goal_weight_yesterday_binged_today_im_not/
Have been restricting pretty heavily for a few weeks and have noticed the “need to refeed” for a couple of days now.

Figured I’d make it worth it. Finally had an alone night with my pre-teen daughter. Sooo... We talked over steak and twice-baked potatoes, watched scary movies with popcorn, laughed about middle school woes over cookies - and, I gotta tell ya, it was so worth it.

I didn’t log much of it in MFP because I know the final calorie count will throw me into panic mode. Gonna try to stop myself from stepping back on the scale for the next day or so (for the same reason). But for one night I felt normal - a tad gluttonous - but almost normal nonetheless.

It’s not going to “fix” anything per sé, but I’m so happy we did that. She hears me talk about healthy choices enough... Letting my guard down for a night prompted her to drop hers and we bonded in a way we both needed.

Crazy part is, I don’t hate myself. I’m not scrambling to guess calories or going for a late night run - I’m happy with the decision.

[Tip] Why doesn't anyone discuss Skinny Cow??
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9 | CW: 177lbs | BMI:25 | GW:150lbs | 27F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 21:11:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77r2me/why_doesnt_anyone_discuss_skinny_cow/
I can never find Halo Top in my town, but I found this brand Skinny Cow.

120 calories per ice cream.

[Rant/Rave] Today I did the most ridiculous thing.
/u/translucentbutterfly [5' | 116 | 23.86 | oh look who regained everything]
Created: Fri Oct 20 20:47:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77qyrb/today_i_did_the_most_ridiculous_thing/
[Rant] I tend to binge when I travel. Like. A lot. So I did my best to prepare. Woke up and blended a nice carrot/apple juice. Opted for plain green tea from the airport cafe. Declined a beverage on the plane.

But then.

Then the flight attendant offered that fucking snack. A caramel filled wafer I've been wanting to try. I was completely caught off guard. It was only 130 calories, though. So surely it couldn't hurt? Got a black coffee to pair and nibbled away. And it was delicious. So delicious that i felt guilty. So what did I do?


Since then I've purged: at Starbucks, at the conveyer belt sushi place, and the boba place aaaaaaand i sucked down a bunch of water and purged in a random mall bathroom JUST BECAUSE. Happy vacation to me.

[Help] Can’t stop vomiting
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.5 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 20 20:26:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77qv58/cant_stop_vomiting/
I don’t know how to gain control over my eating anymore. Almost everything I eat gets thrown up out of guilt. I threw up 5 baby carrots today, that’s like no calories but nope! Doesn’t matter! Plus 90% of the time after I eat ANYTHING it turns into a binge. The only safe foods I have anymore are Coke Zero and water. If anyone has any advice I would kill to hear it because at this point I’m desperate.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like such and failure and I'm annoyed, agitated and just really tired.
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9 | CW: 177lbs | BMI:25 | GW:150lbs | 27F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 19:28:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77qku4/i_feel_like_such_and_failure_and_im_annoyed/
In one month I've lost no weight. I understand my periods are due next week, but it's still rather devastating. I just feel like such a failure. Do I eat less? Do I eat more? Do I work out more? Do I fast? I don't know. It makes me so angry.

I whoosh and lose weight and then I slowly just go back to my plateau. I just want it to stop.

[Other] Tumblr?
Created: Fri Oct 20 19:00:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77qfip/tumblr/

[Rant/Rave] Little Rave Post
/u/13959470 [5'4" | 109.4 | 18.8 | ~30 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 18:58:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77qf7m/little_rave_post/
Two things this week:

- three different people in the last 2 days have told me I look like i'm a size zero

(One was my boss fitting me for a new uniform, he asked my bitchy coworker what size shirt she wore and when she said "um, small?!" He turned to me and said "ok so you're an Extra Small then." >:) he didn't mean to be rude he's just clueless. I shouldn't be happy if she got offended but hehe I am )

- I'll be underweight for the first time if I lose 2 more lbs , I just found out at my last doctors appt that I'm an inch and a half taller than I thought I was. So even tho I ate too much today I'm getting somewhere, hooorray

[Rant/Rave] “She’s not skinny”
Created: Fri Oct 20 18:35:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77qb4i/shes_not_skinny/
So I was hanging out with my brother and some of his friends, one of which is a girl who has a pretty huge crush on me. And the topic of my body came up, my brother said something along the lines of “she’s the only skinny one in the family”

And the girl who has a crush on me goes “first of all, she’s not skinny. She’s thick, so jot that down”

And like. UGH. I haven’t been this hurt by a statement in so long. Like I know it was meant to be a compliment or whatever, but oh my god. I’m absolutely miserable now, and trying to keep myself from just spiraling into self-hatred, because I’m NOT skinny, and I’m fucking destroying my body to BE SKINNY and everyone seems to want to remind me that I’m not there.

Like yeah, my brother thinks I’m skinny. But my brother is also obese and so by comparison, to someone who probably doesn’t have such horrible dysmorphia, I’m a rail. And now I’m just stuck sitting here thinking “thick thick thick” and I never want to fucking eat again.

[Rant/Rave] Feeling guilty I can’t restrict
Created: Fri Oct 20 18:08:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77q5vu/feeling_guilty_i_cant_restrict/
I see all these posts here about people who can fast for days and eat like 500 cals a day and it just makes me feel like crap about not being able to go below 1200. I ate normal for a couple days this week and my weight is steady 3 lbs higher than usual and to fix it I told myself I would not eat or only eat 300 cals this weekend. Now that it’s that time I am craving my usual 1200 cal meal but I just feel so shitty because it is going to take me forever to reach 110 then 100 eating 1200 cals a day (Not to mention the few free days I give myself each week because i love this time of year and want to be able to eat like a normal person)

I’m so jealous of all of you who can restrict so low and lose a couple lbs a week.

I’m trying to tell myself that it’s bad to go that low and I’ll be happy in the long run that I don’t let my disorder get that bad but I can’t help feel frustrated with myself.

What is peach?
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 17:09:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ptyt/what_is_peach/

[Rant/Rave] my body is a twit: today's rant
/u/fuck_you_get_pumped [65" | 120lb | 20.20 | -20lb | 22A]
Created: Fri Oct 20 16:33:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77pmcs/my_body_is_a_twit_todays_rant/

[Discussion] How long did your last binge episode last?
Created: Fri Oct 20 15:39:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77pahg/how_long_did_your_last_binge_episode_last/
Please make me feel better. Currently going through one since Wednesday. Have been eating nearly 10,000 calories every day and i can't. stop. my whole shower + bathroom smell of puke. I feel like a disgusting piece of fat trash.

[Help] low calorie soups (not canned)
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Fri Oct 20 15:35:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77p9di/low_calorie_soups_not_canned/
i need soups that i can quickly just heat up in the microwave. what brands taste good and are low calorie? i want to order those millie’s savory teas but they’re so expensive ):

[Tip] For those cravings...
Created: Fri Oct 20 15:06:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77p2vq/for_those_cravings/
Hershey’s chocolate syrup is only 45 cal per serving. Drizzled it onto some coconut milk ice cream and had a nice low cal dessert (would be lower on halo top!)

mobile can’t flair

[Discussion] Anyone else use Vora?
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.5 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:57:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77p0qq/anyone_else_use_vora/
My username is plantsrcool, add me!

Surprise inspo...
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:42:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77oxcr/surprise_inspo/

[Rant/Rave] It took me forever to realize how I lost so much overnight
/u/Afriendlyhumanbeen [5'6 | CW: 137 | BMI: 22 | GW: 120 | 22F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ox6q/it_took_me_forever_to_realize_how_i_lost_so_much/
Usually on a good day, I'll be 0.6 lbs lower than the day before. Today I woke up and weighed myself, only to see that I'd lost a whopping 2.2 lbs! I've never come close to losing that much over a single night! Either way it put me in such a great mood and I spent the day being super chuffed with myself.

Then lunch time swung around and I was rolling up my sleeves past my elbows to make food, and all of a sudden I became aware of this pressure around bicep and it totally hit me.

Blood. I donated blood yesterday.

So apparently a pint of blood weighs just under one pound, meaning that I probably only lost 1.2 lbs from actual weight loss. So even though I still came down, I'm a bit disappointed that it wasn't as much as I'd originally thought. Either way, I did have an odd chuckle at how long it took me to realize this.

TL;DR: Want to see the numbers on the scale go down fast? Donate blood!

[Help] App or website to make face skinnier?
/u/TacosGetMeThrough [5'4|28F|SW: 183|CW: 165|GW: 120]
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:31:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ouje/app_or_website_to_make_face_skinnier/
I realllllllllly want to see what my face would look like if I was skinnier that way I can look at it when I want to binge or eat but I have never found a way to do it. This is the skinniest I ever was so it's not like I can use old photos -_- just figured I'd ask

[Help] i need some help understanding body dysmorphic disorder
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:23:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ossz/i_need_some_help_understanding_body_dysmorphic/
i just want to know if this disorder actually makes you physically hallucinate that you look different than you do,
this might sound like a really stupid question but i just feel that my reflection directly correlates with my skinny/fat behaviour like to the point where i think ill look skinny and ill order food and the second ive ordered it its like i look at myself 5 seconds later and i look so fucking fat and then once ive vomited as much as i can ill look at myself and i swear my face will look skinny again it happens literally from one second to another and its not bloating either like ill look at my face and look so fat or so skinny i honestly dont know what i really look like and if everyone thinks im really fat or not my friend told me she hasnt noticed any weight change in me but she could just be saying that, i dont know if this is just like either me being too hard or easy on the exact same looking body or if this disorder really distorts the way you look at yourself

[Rant/Rave] I will pull all of my remaining, thinning hair out if I get one more eating disorder fetishist message
/u/MymlanOhlin [5'5" | CW: 140,6 lbs | 23,4 | WL: 22 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:14:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77oqqg/i_will_pull_all_of_my_remaining_thinning_hair_out/
What the hell is wrong with people?

[Rant/Rave] Was super happy to find out I hadn’t gained the weight back I lost...cue binge.
/u/demonofequality [5'5"| CW: 125 | GW: 115 | 21.05 | -25 lbs| F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 14:09:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77oph2/was_super_happy_to_find_out_i_hadnt_gained_the/
Literally laughing at myself my entire lunch as I stuff my face.

I was so determined to get to 125 pounds since I had been just sitting at 127 for so long. I successfully restricted super hard for two weeks and hit my goal. Then of course I drank too much alcohol over the weekend and was back to 127 by Monday.

Queue total freak out the whole week only to weight myself this morning and see I’m at 125.0 😑

So the logical thing to do today is to eat pizza AND chili for lunch.... wtf .

[Rant/Rave] I’m so fucking upset
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.5 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 20 13:58:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77omkx/im_so_fucking_upset/
I have no control over myself anymore. This summer I was underweight for the first time in years and I was ecstatic. Eventually though something in me snapped and I was back to my start weight by the end of the summer. Since then my weight has fluctuated by 10 pounds but I can’t seem to gain the control I had before again. I can’t even look at myself anymore. I binge eat every fucking day and throw it up right after like 5 times a day followed by me going to the gym for 2 hours and then crying myself to sleep because I haven’t lost enough weight. I just want to fucking die. I’ve got nothing anymore. If I can’t lose 10 pounds by the end of November-no, scratch that, 15 pounds- I’m going to kill myself. I don’t know what to do anymore.

[Intro] New here just looking to not feel so alone
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1|CW 200|GW 110|-20|22/FTM]
Created: Fri Oct 20 13:17:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77od25/new_here_just_looking_to_not_feel_so_alone/
hey nice to meet you all. 22 y/o trans man here. during my first year of college i was into calorie restriction w/ safe foods and i dropped so much weight. gained it all back and then some from binging and not purging and used a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms to pretend to be ok with myself. now i'm obese, i can't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. please don't judge me for my weight, i already feel awful. i feel so out of control... anyone relate?

[Rant/Rave] Finally got a whoosh!
/u/dbk1982 [5'2" 35F |SW 215 | CW 208 | LW 140| UGW 115 ]
Created: Fri Oct 20 12:41:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77o4fi/finally_got_a_whoosh/
I’ve been losing slowly for the last several weeks. Going either up or down 1-2 lbs per week. Then for three days this last week I was pooping every time I went to the bathroom. Idk if I had been constipated or what but I ended up losing 4.5 lbs this last week! I’m so close to being under 200 again. I just bought some new clothes to fit me at my newer weight 🤗

[Help] The stir fry is calling to me :(
Created: Fri Oct 20 12:26:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77o0tj/the_stir_fry_is_calling_to_me/

[Rant/Rave] I'm so effing mad
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 11:58:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ntnn/im_so_effing_mad/
I ordered a fuckton of sugar free mentos gum and they got delivered while we were packing and they are missing. I could order more but it will take 2 biz days to get here and I needed them for this weekend because it's the only way that I've been able to stave off binge eating when stoned. I'm so pissed. Idk which of my roommates took them or where they went because ive hardly been home and I needed these. Fuuuuuuck. Fuck.

[Rant/Rave] Feel like a failure
Created: Fri Oct 20 11:20:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77nkj4/feel_like_a_failure/
Sorry this is gonna be a little long so bear with me. Been feeling really down lately. The depression could be caused from a number of things like the meds I'm taking or not enough iron or something. I don't have a reason to feel so sad because things in my life are so good. I got married and got a good job. I feel like the key to feeling better would be just eating some nutrition.. But then I look at my thighs in the fridge reflection and I can't even think about opening the door. By the end of the day when I think back to what all I've eaten it seems like plenty and probably too much. Yesterday I had a handful of cheezits, soup broth, a couple shots of whiskey and then lettuce with cheese that I ended up throwing up. I'm fucking cold and going to the bathroom all the time so I feel like I'm getting somewhere. But I know I'm not even close to being "anorexic" because I got my period a couple days ago. Which pissed me the fuck off. Ed my ass. Plus, i know im healthy because people with an ED are skinny. maybe I haven't restricted enough or am getting my calories somewhere else that I'm not keeping track of. I know in the end when I see results it's worth it. But the fact that I don't find joy in the things that once made me happy is so hard. I'm unmotivated and frankly discouraged. I mean what's the point anymore.

[Rant/Rave] My ED is making me resent a colleague and hate myself
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 11:08:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77nhfk/my_ed_is_making_me_resent_a_colleague_and_hate/
I cycle to work and another girl in my office has started cycling too. There is no reason for this to affect me but it does. I am upset that I no longer have the monopoly on physical exertion and now I feel like I have to eat lots less than her rather than just a bit less than everyone else, like usual.

I am on exercise restriction (apart from cycling) and didn't go to a class that I otherwise would have done last night. I can't go to my weekend classes tomorrow or Sunday either, and I got public transport to work today because I'm having a weekend away straight after. I enormous. This girl was talking about Body Pump this morning and I am SO JEALOUS that I can't make myself feel good by doing these things anymore. I TOTALLY resent her that she can but I know this is really unfair.

If recovery is meant to be so good then why does it feel so shit??

[Rant/Rave] Forgot Lunch, Guess I'll Just Chew and Spit
Created: Fri Oct 20 11:01:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77nfrv/forgot_lunch_guess_ill_just_chew_and_spit/
Ugh, I'm so mad at myself. I've been very consistent at always packing exactly a 100 Cal (light yogurt and a couple pretzels) meal for lunch, because I skip breakfast, work, and though I have to eat some dinner with my boyfriend in the evening, I can't get through work without something.

Today I forgot my lunch at home. My work has a lot of snack foods for free around (pop, chips, candies, etc), and, since Im always scared I'll give in and eat them, I panicked after not seeing my food. I decided instead to go out (Arby's) so I could order some bullshit and then chew it and spit it in the bathroom.

I feel so gross. I hate not knowing exactly how many calories I've eaten (since it's impossible not to a get a few calories when c/sing . On the plus side, I got to taste some of my favorite food. Idk, I'm always surprised chewing and spitting isn't more popular here.

Idk. Sorry for the gross talk, but I just needed to rant.

[Help] Are EC Stacks supposed to make you feel hungry?
/u/Rickticia [5'2| 143.6 lbs |27.21|-6.4|GW1: 131| 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 10:58:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77nf7d/are_ec_stacks_supposed_to_make_you_feel_hungry/
I mentioned on 🍑that I bought Bronkaid for the first time earlier tonight. I took half a pill (25mg ephedrine) with 100 mg caffeine (in pill form) at 9 am, but I was still getting hunger pangs at 11 am, so I took the other half of the pill and another 100 mg.

Is this supposed to happen? What's going on? Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Rant/Rave] It's my birthday next week
Created: Fri Oct 20 10:24:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77n74o/its_my_birthday_next_week/
edit: can't flair, on mobile

and I always have some kind of weight I'd like to reach by then. But also, anytime I set a goal I end up doing the opposite. Fast for the day? Nope, we are going to eat everything. Workout everyday? Nope, don't even look my equipment for a month. Whyy??

So anyway, this year I'm pretty close to that goal (that I didn't really set because I know I'd just balloon up). It's a few pounds away and I know I can do that by next Thursday. I guess I'm kind of waiting for the self sabotage to start haha

Anyone else like this?

[Rant/Rave] GP appointment
/u/fuckwit_charlie [5'2 | 86lbs | BMI: 16.29 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 10:03:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77n21u/gp_appointment/
So I’ve had some bloods taken and they’ve come back fine. I’ve had my BP done, and it’s fine. But apparently my BMI is dangerously low (15.6 according to the old style calculator) - if that’s the case, surely my bloods and BP would be fucked by now? I understand that severe thinness is an issue, but scaremongering isn’t going to shock me into recovery, it’s just going to piss me off.

I only went to the GP to see if they would increase my anxiety medication - instead, I’m getting an urgent referral to the community mental health team (which knowing the NHS will take about 6 months) and I’m no further forward in getting an increased dose, which would probably be more helpful than some shite CBT/talking therapy that I’ve already tried.

Why is the mental health system in this country such a joke?

[Rant/Rave] Lowest weight ever, and just in time for anniversary trip
/u/throwaway002300 [25 | 5'3" | CW 109 | BMI 19.3| GW 103| HW 160]
Created: Fri Oct 20 09:54:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mzow/lowest_weight_ever_and_just_in_time_for/
I think I’m still in shock over this? I had been at a plateau of 108 for several weeks. Then I dropped to 105 for a few days and for the past 2 days I’ve weighed in at 102. (!!!!) Guys, this is the lowest I’ve ever been and this weekend is a big trip. My husband and I are heading to the beach to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary- we’re really excited! (Side note- I was 135 on our wedding day so it makes this even more fabulous)

[Discussion] October 19th and 20th, 2017 Questions of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 09:44:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mx82/october_19th_and_20th_2017_questions_of_the_day/
Sorry y’all, lol.

19th: what was your last credit card purchase?

20th: who do you count on?

[Discussion] The only thing that has ever motivated me. I love him ❤️❤️ (even tho it hurts)
Created: Fri Oct 20 08:48:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mk14/the_only_thing_that_has_ever_motivated_me_i_love/

[Rant/Rave] Intermittent Fasting
/u/RedxLoaf [5'7" | 158lbs | 40lbs Lost | 24F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 08:27:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mf8w/intermittent_fasting/
I've been really good for the past couple of weeks about not eating until 1-2pm, but these past two days have been binge city. My boss' girlfriend made carrot cake the other day and I felt pressured to eat it (even though I'm vegan and haven't had dairy or eggs in 5 months, needless to say it went right through me). I also binged on delicious salted tofu that night. And even yesterday night I had so much food...

All in all, I can make my weekly goal if I fast until dinner tonight, and then eat 1200 for the next two days.

The thing is, anytime I put a goal like that on myself, I do whatever I can to sabotage it. Idk why I do this. Why can't I just keep my own promises? It's like I deliberately go out of my way to eat even when I'm not hungry.

I guess I'm writing this to keep myself accountable.

[Rant/Rave] I just realized that whatever goal I have won’t be enough.
Created: Fri Oct 20 08:24:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mek1/i_just_realized_that_whatever_goal_i_have_wont_be/
I started heavy restricting a few months ago, at about 128 pounds. I have always had ED tendencies (extreme guilt when eating, hating my body, not truly knowing what I look like) and got down to 117 pounds the summer before, but I was triggered to start again when I got a really bad infection and couldn’t keep anything down and lost about 5 pounds. It brought back something ugly inside of me.

I am 5 foot 7. My goal was to be under 120 to start with. Once I hit that, I thought my ultimate goal would be 115 pounds. That’s the standard goal for a lot of people around my height who want to be thin and wispy. Sure enough, I hit 115. But after a while, seeing 115 on the scale disgusted me as much as seeing 128. Now, I flutter around 111-113. Some days, I’ll cry seeing 113 on the scale. My current goal is 110, but I know I won’t stop after that. I look at my body in the mirror and see the same body I saw when I was at my highest weight of 135. Even though I’m fully aware of all this, I can’t stop myself and break the cycle. I don’t really think I want to.

Sorry, had to get all this out.

[Goal] A different type of "goals" post
Created: Fri Oct 20 08:13:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mbtz/a_different_type_of_goals_post/

[Rant/Rave] I feel like everyone in my family has disordered eating, yet I'm the only one who gets called out for it.
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 108 | UGW 90 | 18 F | ]
Created: Fri Oct 20 08:12:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77mbq6/i_feel_like_everyone_in_my_family_has_disordered/
I have diagnosed anorexia and bulimia and my family is constantly onto me, but yet I seriously feel like a lot of them are disordered. They project their disorder thoughts and behaviors onto me and it triggers the fuck out of me. My grandfather was a binge eater (obsessed with food and constantly eating he was obese he passed away from type two diabetes a few years ago because of his weight). My grandma eats super unhealthy and has no concept of proper diet. She constantly overeats and eats nothing, but junk and eats just to eat when she isn't even hungry. When I was in recovery she would say "I'm eating too much" when I was following my meal plan. She eats "small portions" of frozen pizza and regular soda and her "small portion" is like 800+ calories meanwhile my meals were healthy. Obviously, I was eating for my body under the supervision of a dietitian and I have never been overweight (other than having baby fat at as a kid more on that later) unlike her.

My mom was an obsessive dieter growing up who would constantly call herself fat and stress eats and comfort eat. Since my parents have been divorced she just eats whatever...because she doesn't have my dad telling her to lose weight and calling her fat. My mom even admitted that she purged in college and when she was married "but it wasn't a big deal she definitely didn't have an eating disorder." Yeah because making yourself puke is normal non disordered behavior...At the dinner table if she or I got a piece of bread my dad would ask us if "we really needed that."

My dad used to be overweight, became an obsessive dieter and over exerciser who projects his disorder onto anyone. In public he constantly calls people fat, called my mother fat, made fun of me as a kid for being fat and pushed me to start dieting at 11 fucking years old. He thinks carbs make you fat, constantly brags about his running routine, and knowing I have anorexia will tell me to watch my weight, so I don't get fat again like I was as a kid. In public he loves to comment about how disgusting overweight people are. When I got out of treatment I was eating a potato and he said "you're going to get fat if you keep eating carbs." My family constantly comments on my figure and after years of nagging at me to lose weight as a CHILD they now scream at me telling me I'm too thin, yet also tell me to watch what I put in my mouth.

I know I got these habits from them because of them. I am terrified to gain weight because of my dad because I think that people will think I'm fat and comment on it. I see food in such a negative way and I can't help but think they're partially to blame.

[Rant/Rave] I finally see something! Sometimes at least.
/u/SoFluffyle [164 cm| CW: 63.4 kg | BMI: 23.6 | -20.1 kg | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 07:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77m8h9/i_finally_see_something_sometimes_at_least/
So I have a really terrible time looking in the mirror because I constantly see myself with the 83.5 kg that I started with, although I lost 20kg already.

I was finally able to feel a little smaller today! Today I went grocery shopping, and I wore leggings with sneakers (I hate sneakers, they make me look short snd chubby) and I looked ok? I didn't look skinny or anything (obviously because I'm still at 138lbs) but I finally looked smaller and somewhat attractive in my sport wear. The point is: I didn't look fat.

I know this feeling won't last long but I decided to enjoy it and share it as long as it lasts.
I hope you guys had a nice day so far!

[Help] I can not wake up and I'm scared (crosspost r/ bipolar)
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Fri Oct 20 07:47:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77m6fy/i_can_not_wake_up_and_im_scared_crosspost_r/
I set 15 alarms on two different devices and have a Fitbit vibration alarm set. It's not simply the " I don't wake up I'm tired, it's early" it's that I literally do not wake up. I woke up soooo late last week one day but early enough to call out sick. Today I didn't wake and had to call in and let them know. I made it in asap but am petrified every night to go to bed. I am so passionate about my job and I am just humiliated. My ED has become my life to cope with bipolar and my pure self hate. It's the only stability but who knows. I made a doctors appointment just now. I feel so hopeless and honestly want to not exist. I hate my life.

[Other] Craving pickles?
Created: Fri Oct 20 07:35:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77m3z1/craving_pickles/
Okay, so I've always liked pickles. Dill pickles. Lately though, it's like I need them. I don't know if it's the salty, or what. My b/p cycle has been out of whack lately, so maybe that has something to do with it?

[Discussion] finally got peach!
/u/mikey-way [5'3 | 121.2 | 21.5 | -10 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 06:48:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77luhp/finally_got_peach/

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! October 20, 2017
Created: Fri Oct 20 06:12:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77lo8j/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for October 20, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 20, 2017
Created: Fri Oct 20 06:12:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77lo85/daily_food_diary_october_20_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Can someone help me understand how the hell I gained 5 lbs in 2 days? It's not adding up to me
/u/naughtyhotty [5'7.5 | CW:130 | BMI:20 | GW:115? | -8]
Created: Fri Oct 20 05:29:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77lh4f/can_someone_help_me_understand_how_the_hell_i/

[Rant/Rave] So incredibly frustrated
/u/Pitaia [1.70cm | CW: aaaHHAHA | BMI: ? |GW: S M A L L]
Created: Fri Oct 20 04:16:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77l70y/so_incredibly_frustrated/
This is more of a venting post. I have nobody else to say this to. I just don’t know what to believe. What tells me I’m thin? Is it other people’s comments or attraction to me? Do I even want to be fuckable (I do and don’t)? Comparing myself to every single person I see? Or is it how my clothes fit; vanity sizing is everywhere. Can I trust the scale? I can’t trust my eyes I know that for sure, but still the mirror haunts me and photos are even more discomforting. One of the things I like about “thin” is the objectivity of it. Beauty is relative and all that.

Thin is a fact. It’s objectively possible that I can be the thinnest person in a room. It’s just one of the reasons I’m like this but now I’m lost and don’t know anymore. I gain weight and people tell me I’m too thin still. Not 2 or 3kg. 10kg. About 22 pounds. That’s ridiculous. Then what was before? Do I look better now? Because I hate myself more than ever.

I don’t care. I do not care about your opinion on my body. However, the variables are just getting to be too much now. I’m confused and overwhelmed and all I want is my old body back; nevermind that, I want thinner. Further, because I can always do better. I just don’t know what the finish line is anymore. I’m skeptical that it even exists.

My life has become a house of mirrors, the ones at carnivals that are ironically named “funhouses”. I have never been so disgusted by my body and feel like I’m going insane. It’s a shame really, everything else in my life is finally acceptable or maybe even good. Such a shame.

[Rant/Rave] There’s no way I’m not fat.
/u/commtra [5'7 | BMI: 20 | GW:100 | -44 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 20 02:16:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77krnl/theres_no_way_im_not_fat/
Keep lookin in the mirror and thinking, “I can’t even be in the average range, my thighs are touching.” It’s like I see either obese or thin, depending on whether my thighs touch or not. No middle grounds exist.

Okay, rant over.

[Rant/Rave] Maybe this is goodbye. Maybe hello to some
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Fri Oct 20 02:14:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77krhg/maybe_this_is_goodbye_maybe_hello_to_some/
On mobile flair as rant rave or some other thing I don't know I'm always on mobile.

I haven't been in good headspace. I'm isolated and depressed. I'm poor. I just want to make my goal weight so I can die so with that I made friends with other sick people in other community to help me die. I have fallen deeper into this void. No cared and I felt like a phony cause I wasn't sick enough.

If i return I will be sick and you will all believe it. I might lurk but this may be it.


[Help] so i've been drinking 2 gallons of water a day...
Created: Thu Oct 19 23:43:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77k7f3/so_ive_been_drinking_2_gallons_of_water_a_day/
...is this OK for my health? Too much water?

I'm 5'10.5" & weigh just below 155 lbs. I recently began restricting pretty heavily (600-850 cal a day) and eat pretty clean & make sure to get enough vitamins, protein, electrolytes, calcium, etc.

Caffeine has become a huge crutch for me, too - so it's 2 gallons of water + coffee + energy drink + power zero +.....

I'm peeing literally every 15 minutes. I hate this but it's worth losing weight for. I feel like I'm being a little crazy & that my eating disorder is taking over my life. But it's also the only thing keeping me sane in college, right now. I just want to be thin and at peace with my body.

[Other] For those that struggle with BMs, dizziness, and bloated stomachs
/u/RedxLoaf [5'7" | 158lbs | 40lbs Lost | 24F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 23:18:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77k3q4/for_those_that_struggle_with_bms_dizziness_and/
When you are dehydrated and your electrolytes are depleted, you are more prone to feeling cold, dizzy, and faint. Your body needs sodium to keep your blood pressure stable, so low sodium will cause all the aforementioned symptoms.

Constipation is also due to dehydration and a lack of magnesium (another main electrolyte). Magnesium is osmotic, and is absolutely crucial for getting fluids into muscles, specifically your digestive muscles. Without magnesium to pull those fluids in your bowels cannot move properly.

Lastly, reefeding after prolonged periods of heavy fasting will have you put any weight you do eventually gain onto your stomach. It will even out over time, so don't let it shock you. It's just what your body does.

Please remember to take all these symptoms seriously. Fasting and restriction means more room for error where it concerns your nutritional needs. You can do it safely, but I recommend supplements and checking every now and again on Cronometer.com to see if your average eating day is deficient in any important nutrients, such as electrolytes, b12, vitamin D, iron, and calcium.

Take care of yourselves. 😏✌️💋

[Help] I keep ordering food from ubereats :(
Created: Thu Oct 19 23:02:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77k0x7/i_keep_ordering_food_from_ubereats/
And other food delivery apps, its just so easy! Can anyone give me tips/ insights on how to stop this please?

[Rant/Rave] i’m so anxious
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Thu Oct 19 22:44:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77jy2s/im_so_anxious/
i got really off track since i started college and i can’t stop binge eating and buying binge foods at the grocery store. i’m afraid this cycle will never stop and that this is it, this is when i completely lose my ability to restrict at all. i used to be a god at it, i got all the way down to 90 lbs until i started developing serious medical issues.

every fucking day i want to go back. so bad. i miss my LW. i’m trying so hard to start counting and restricting again. i miss it so fucking much. i can’t imagine a life without obsessing over my body and food. i feel the same way about depression and anxiety- how is it that some people really live without sinking into a depressive episode every few months?

i’m a film student and decided to open up about my 5 year struggle with my ED for a project where another student did a documentary on me. it was so. fucking. hard. to sit through the class listening to me talk about this personal issue. another student came up to me and said she heavily related and it was neat! we talk about the similarities between our experiences and she wants to work on the final project with me. i’m so happy that film is an outlet for me to talk about my experiences.

I want to be able to open up to my family about it, and even more, open up to my boyfriend. i just never had an honest conversation with my parents about it- if they tried to, i shut it down. i am sinking into another depressive episode and it’s because all i can think about now is how badly i wish i could have open dialogue with my parents and boyfriend- the people closest to me- about the very embarrassing thing that’s plagued my mind for years now. it’s so nerve wracking to think about.

i really feel bad about being a downer on my boyfriend lately. he has no idea about my body image issues and my awful eating habits. i think it would appear to be very unattractive, but i know his reaction would be very kind and he’d listen with open arms. it’s comforting in a way, but also so fucking scary. he’s such a sweetheart, when i tell him he’s going to become worried about me and things won’t feel the same. i feel very emotionally blunted lately and i’ve said that something’s been bothering me lately, but didn’t really want to go into it. he said it was okay if i didn’t feel comfortable to talk about it. he’s such a sweet guy. i’m just afraid of this hurting him. he doesn’t really deal with mental illnesses himself so i think he might feel a bit lost on how to discuss that sort of thing with me.

this is really long aaa sorry

[Rant/Rave] My family are mean idiots. :(
Created: Thu Oct 19 21:10:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77jh13/my_family_are_mean_idiots/
We were watching a movie, a woman was on screen when we happened to pause it. This woman was goals. So thin, so dainty. She wasn't really petite, but she was so elegant. Her collarbones made me sigh, her hands were so pretty, long slender legs. She was goals. I go to the restroom and come back and my sister's and mom are talking about her.
They were so mean. Saying things like, "That's disgusting.", "She needs a hamburger or a whole box of donuts.", "That's gross, why would she want to look like that?", etc. I'm not a crier, but it made me tear up. Not only was this woman beautiful, but who are we to judge beauty anyways?? They're overweight, literally eating cheese covered potatoes as they are saying these things and the whole situation just disgusts me. I can't stop thinking about it. What if she is is struggling with an ED? What if she feels beautiful? What if she feels ugly and fat? We shouldn't judge other's bodies in such cruel and pointless ways. I want to look like her one day and if/when I get to my goals, they'll judge me the same way. It doesn't change my goals at all, for some reason it motivates me. But it makes me sad to know that when I feel good about myself, they'll be murmuring behind my back about how unattractive I am.
I know really know the point of this, I'm just angry and sad that people are so mean and my family is among such cruel, judgemental people. I know everyone is entitled to their opinions and all...I just, don't like their opinions lol.

[Discussion] What items are on your Amazon wishlist? Anything you'd recommend?
/u/xtinytoadx [5'4" | 78 | 13.65 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 21:01:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77jfhl/what_items_are_on_your_amazon_wishlist_anything/
Someone asked me about mine and I realized that I don't really have anything added (I spend most of my money on food), so I was wondering about you all?
I was looking around tonight and found an aromatherapy oil diffuser that changes colors and squishy silicone animals I thought were cute, but useless...

[Rant/Rave] My guy friend eats 3500 calories a day
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 113| GW 105| BMI 16.45| 19F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 19:51:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77j21i/my_guy_friend_eats_3500_calories_a_day/
He’s 6’5 and weighs about 220!pounds. He’s really fit and muscular and plays rugby, so he’s not fat or anything.

He told me yesterday when he saw me using MyFitnessPal that he uses the app too. He showed me his profile and his daily caloric intake is 3500!!! Three fucking thousand! That’s literally 5 days worth of food for me.

I was like howww do you even eat that much, and he said that he’s “bulking” right now and that he uses protein shakes and supplements. And he eats tons of carbs.

Im actually jealous of him. He doesn’t have to restrict what he eats. He can eat whatever the f he wants. He can down a whole pizza if he feels like it, and it won’t go over his daily intake. And at the end of the day, his body will still be considered attractive because he is muscular.

I wish it was more socially acceptable for girls to be muscular. Then I’d be eating 3500 cals a day in order to get my dream body, not 700.

[Rant/Rave] I feel bad about throwing food out, but... I gotta start someday. Preparing for tomorrow.
/u/water_77 [I give up ok ]
Created: Thu Oct 19 19:33:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77iykx/i_feel_bad_about_throwing_food_out_but_i_gotta/

[Rant/Rave] Do you ever get mad when your planned meal doesnt work out? [Rant/rave]
Created: Thu Oct 19 19:25:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77iww6/do_you_ever_get_mad_when_your_planned_meal_doesnt/
I was soo looking forward to having some baked chicken today after only eating veggies for three days. I went to the store and the only chicken looked disgusting. So I went home pretty much only with stevia soda. Lol. Now I'm not eating all night, I could have veggies but it's not what I planned for so I'm pissed. Uuugh. Why is my brain so stubborn.

[Rant/Rave] Bake and binge
/u/coffeexsmokes [5'2" | 100 | -50 | 21F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 19:16:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77iv7u/bake_and_binge/

[Discussion] Anyone else get upset if your planned meal goes wrong??
Created: Thu Oct 19 19:14:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77iuv5/anyone_else_get_upset_if_your_planned_meal_goes/

[Rant/Rave] I can't let him see me eat like this...
Created: Thu Oct 19 19:13:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77iujt/i_cant_let_him_see_me_eat_like_this/
It's just gross. I'm gross. This is disgusting, binging like this. Sure, in a few days I'll get over it and go on another "cleanse" (This is L.A., after all.) I gotta get my shit together for the sake of my relationship. Fuck me, I don't even know where to start.

*sorry I'm on mobile and can't do flair.

[Rant/Rave] I'm going to be forced to eat this weekend
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 17:41:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ic77/im_going_to_be_forced_to_eat_this_weekend/
So I'm going to see my dad for the first time in a year tomorrow. Not only am I nervous about actually seeing him, but my ED brain is on fire.

At college I'm able to eat whatever I want to/avoid whatever I don't want. Down at his place, he's going to definitely be on my case about what I'm eating, and I won't be alone at any point until I go to bed at night.

I'm scared about having to eat. I'm also really nervous because I've visibly lost a lot of weight. I know that my step mom and my dad are going to be on high alert the second they see me.

Another thing that I'm worried about is the fact that my doctor appointment to address my ED is on Monday. I don't want to gain weight over the weekend because I'm afraid they won't take me seriously at the appointment if I do.

Ahhhhh I'm just freaking out guys. Had to vent.

[Rant/Rave] Why am I so messed up?
Created: Thu Oct 19 17:33:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77iagv/why_am_i_so_messed_up/
Hello all! I’ve posted here at few times and I absolutely love the loving, accepting atmosphere here. I had a rough day at work and I thought to myself “fuck you (to my disordered brain) I am going to have a celebratory dinner and not give a fuck about calories. So I go and have a dinner with some delicious fried shrimp, beer, and lots of bread. Why the hell do I think that the first thing I should do is purge? It was supposed to be a special night with calorie worries going out the window and now it’s all in the toilet (literally) with me nearly choking on the bread coming up.... this is hell. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening beautiful people.

[Help] I’ve purged like 5 times a day for the past week
Created: Thu Oct 19 17:03:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77i47g/ive_purged_like_5_times_a_day_for_the_past_week/
I need help with damage control. Please. I feel like I’m out of control.

[Other] My grocery "haul"
/u/AngelicZero [5'5.5"| fat | -39 | 115 | 8 Days BF]
Created: Thu Oct 19 15:53:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77hohl/my_grocery_haul/

Highlight of my day yesterday
Created: Thu Oct 19 15:44:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77hmhf/highlight_of_my_day_yesterday/

[Discussion] What's something odd you crave really often?
/u/acidicdecay [Height 5'6.5"|CW 122|UGW 109 | Lady]
Created: Thu Oct 19 15:42:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77hm3g/whats_something_odd_you_crave_really_often/
For some reason I crave soup SO much. I think it's a combination of it being comforting for nostalgic reasons and liquids always feeling safer to me

But I almost never eat soup, even though everyday I think "Hmmm, I could really go for some soup right now" so idk

Do any of y'all have really specific cravings that don't really fit with the idea of a craving? Like something that isn't bad for you, or particularly caloric, or indulgent, but you crave it like something that is nonetheless?

[Other] I'll take a compliment where I can get it
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 135|CW 131|GW 115| F21]
Created: Thu Oct 19 14:42:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77h7fh/ill_take_a_compliment_where_i_can_get_it/
We have a skeleton hanging in our bathroom for Halloween that's light censored, so as I turned off the lights it said "You should eat some candy, you're as skinny as me!" And I seriously considered thanking him lol

[Other] Corpse Bride thinspo
Created: Thu Oct 19 14:32:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77h4ln/corpse_bride_thinspo/

[Help] Poop problems?
/u/whatsupbuttercup5 [5' 3" | CW 106.4 | GW 92 | HW 124 | LW 98 | 25F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 14:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77h1e1/poop_problems/
Hey guys, TMI, but need some advice.

I normally have regular BMs every single day, usually more than once. Ever since last night I can tell I need to go but haven't been able to yet. How have you guys solved this issue? How long should I wait before taking something? I just don't want this to become a big issue but I also don't want to be overly aggressive with it.


[Rant/Rave] I've spiraled so much into depression I've stopped eating completely
Created: Thu Oct 19 14:17:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77h0af/ive_spiraled_so_much_into_depression_ive_stopped/

[Discussion] It's Complicated: Has anyone seen Demi Lovato's new YT documentary?
/u/littlelumpi [5'1" | 150 | 28.3 | -41| F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 13:23:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77grt7/its_complicated_has_anyone_seen_demi_lovatos_new/
Demi Lovato made a documentary where she opens up about her drug addiction and eating disorder, and in it she admits she's relapsed with her ED.

If you haven't yet, you can watch it on youtube here: [LINK] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWTlL_w8cRA)

I thought the documentary was good and inspiring in general, she seems like she's working hard to stay clean and sober and make better music.

More relevant to this sub though, Demi admits to suffering with an ED, and she talks about binge eating and purging. She also shares some old body check pics and talks about how her ED developed. I tried to spoiler tag this just in case, but it's not working. But anyway, I thought it was inspiring because she admitted to her team that she relapsed, presumably so she wouldn't fall back in too deep. From a recovery standpoint I think it was inspiring, it shows how she tries to deal with her ED a bit. Also, it was wild to learn that she was still on drugs after rehab, during a time which I think she was claiming to be clean.

I'm just wondering if anyone has seen it and what you thought?

[Discussion] keeping hair healthy?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Thu Oct 19 12:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77giur/keeping_hair_healthy/
maintaining healthy hair is important to me! how do you guys keep your hair healthy and thick while restricting?

[Discussion] has anyone here ever tried miracle berry?
Created: Thu Oct 19 12:19:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77gbmw/has_anyone_here_ever_tried_miracle_berry/
so, for those who don't know, there are berries that make everything sour taste sweet. they make tablets out of them "for fun", to have weird taste tasting parties etc.

i just ordered a package bc i thought, well, since i can't lose weight bc i'm always bingeing on icecream, i could just use one of these tablets and instead of ice cream binge on a cup of frozen lemon water. that should work, right?

the tablets arrive in two weeks but i'm really hoping this works out. I mean, yeah, it's kinda expensive (15 dollars for 10 pieces) but if i take like one a day instead of a bowl of icecream it's not thaaat pricey, right? and if it works, you can create a wiki page for me as the inventor of the miracle berry diet. I'll keep you updated.

[Rant/Rave] fyi there are other artificial sweeteners besides stevia(Rave)
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | -51.4 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 12:00:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77g6fd/fyi_there_are_other_artificial_sweeteners_besides/
I guess I forgot that aspartame exists outside of prebottled drinks because I never thought about buying it? I've been using stevia for like two years even though it's not my favorite. Yesterday I had the revelation that, omg, all of my favorite diet drinks use aspartame as a sweetener maybe I could buy it. Turns out I'm an idiot and could have been sweetening my tea with aspartame all these months because 1) it's soooo much cheaper, I bought 250 packets for $2 and 2) you can, in fact, buy aspartame

[Discussion] DAE pick/obsess over someone as pointless competition?
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | SW: 130 | CW: ~125 | GW: small | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 11:58:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77g64j/dae_pickobsess_over_someone_as_pointless/
So, I can't stand one of the girls in my dorm suite. She's a little shorter than I am, probably weighs a bit more, and is one of those "teehee" giggly ditzy types, also super particular about other people's actions ("Hey, could you not play guitar right now? I need to nap" when it's like 4 PM), etc.

And of course she's a boy magnet, and of course my ex is fuggin' OBSESSED with her. While we were dating, he said she was "too pretty to even be real." Earlier this month, he admitted she was the "ideal body type". He showed me his camera roll today because he wanted me to see some shots he took from a field trip to the city, and she was literally in half of these pictures, posing in some super nice outfit and gigantic heels like a model.

Needless to say, this fuels my ED like no other. It's not that I want my ex to get back with me or stupid shit like that--it's just that I can't comprehend how she's the "ideal" and I'm not. She's wayyy too short (edit: for her weight) and has a decently sized tummy / muffin top. So my goal has been to turn into the opposite of her. Whenever I see her eating, it angers me and makes me cut my own dinner short. I know the competition is pointless because she's not even participating, but the idea of me being better than her (according to MY ideals) somehow makes me feel validated and smug to my ex??? It's extremely petty and makes no sense, but maybe some of y'all can relate. Sorry for the rant.

TL;DR: this chick I know is considered "hot" and she makes me want to wither away into nothingness so that I feel better about myself somehow.

[Rant/Rave] fucking. pregnant.
Created: Thu Oct 19 11:37:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77g0lq/fucking_pregnant/
Hello people! I'm using a throwaway for obvious reasons here.

So now I am 14 weeks pregnant. Being single and living in a relatively small town, I have not told any of my coworkers and only a handful of close friends. The problem: I'm starting to show and my boobs have swollen nearly 2x their size! I'm carrying fairly high so at this point I just look fucking huge. I haven't put on any significant weight yet 5'6, 144 lbs, but when I look in the mirror I see a puffy face and stocky, chubby girl :( Even fatter than I was before.

My goal here is to not lose weight but since i started a little bigger i dont want to gain any during pregnancy either. This is going to be hard considering my job is fairly physical and I'm noticeably hungrier than usual. On top of it all, I intend on adopting this baby out and will be working with a family throughout. I'm afraid of the pressure I'll be under to maintain a steady weight gain.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't belong here, if this is selfish (I know), and if it seems that my size should be the least bit of my problems here but i need to get this off my chest. Ok thanks!


How to deal with plateau
Created: Thu Oct 19 11:20:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77fwkt/how_to_deal_with_plateau/

[Other] My latest fasts. Pretty proud of myself today
/u/cartoonsandscience [6'1 | C:135.9 | -35 | GW:132 | 20M]
Created: Thu Oct 19 11:12:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77fui2/my_latest_fasts_pretty_proud_of_myself_today/

[Discussion] Trouble focusing
Created: Thu Oct 19 11:04:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77fsei/trouble_focusing/
I’m not really as obsessive about calories as other people I know who restrict (though I used to be when I was younger). I don’t count calories at all anymore, actually. I’ve been struggling with restricting for almost 10 years now (started in middle school), and I’m so in the habit of barely eating that I don’t even think about food most days. I’ll have a really light veggie lunch and some veggies/protein for dinner but I just don’t have an appetite anymore. Basically eat enough to live and that’s it.

The issue is that within the past 6 months it’s become very hard for me to focus on anything. I used to be very sharp and intelligent and everybody has started commenting on how “ADHD”, “ditzy”, and “airheaded” I’ve become. Has anybody else experienced this? Is there a way to improve it without eating a bunch of food? Eating makes me physically sick to my stomach (my body really struggles to take in food at this point), but I also can’t function at work like this.

[Rant/Rave] Why are people so messed up...
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 108 | UGW 90 | 18 F | ]
Created: Thu Oct 19 10:37:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77flju/why_are_people_so_messed_up/
So I had a thing with this guy and he would compare me to other girls including my roommate who he made a point of saying that she was "his type" because she is tallish 5'6 and "thin" with dark features (she told me she weighs like 125). She is really pretty, but we look nothing alike I am petite and have strawberry blonde hair. But even though I'm "not his type I'm still really hot." 🙄 Around this time I was about 120 and I'm 5'3. We had been friends for awhile and I opened up about my ED and he literally was like "I don't want to be around you because you're fucked up" and ghosted me because of my ED and depression, when the only reason I even told him about it was bc he told me at one point he was depressed and suicidal. Flash forward to a few months later and he starts hitting me up after I lose weight and become almost underweight...(getting close to my goal) and I'm sure he KNOWS it's because I have an ED. So apparently it's fine if I'm fucked up as long as I'm hot enough to make up for it. FUCK GUYS LIKE WHAT THE HELL. Sorry for the rant but 😑.

[Goal] I’m 1 pound away from my October weight loss goal
/u/z0mbabe [5'7 |175lbs | F| 🍑z0mbabe]
Created: Thu Oct 19 10:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77fjl1/im_1_pound_away_from_my_october_weight_loss_goal/
Hopefully I don’t ruin it by binging. This never happens. I’m on cloud nine today.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like it will NEVER end
Created: Thu Oct 19 10:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ffus/i_feel_like_it_will_never_end/
Please please listen to me if you think you're at the edge of the field and might be on your way to an eating disorder. Get off this subreddit. Never look at another Proeating disorder thing again, because it does tip you.

The sad thing is I know that by me writing this post and having written other ones before I am only adding to the collection of proed things.....but that's why I don't blame those who came before me. Because we aren't trying to trigger your disorder but we don't know where else to talk about it, because nobody else would understand. Nobody can understand going against the most ingrained thing in your survival; eating. Anorexia is like suicide except you have to explain yourself during it.

Please, anorexia is the worst thing ever. I wish I had never done the things to myself that I have. It's ruining so much. I would rather have been obese and without an eating disorder than the way I am right now, and here is the thing....I never would have had weight problems (be them in my mind or real, I don't even know which one it is anymore) if I hadn't started to try to control my diet in the first place.

When you have anorexia you aren't listening to your body. When you aren't listening to your body you make up for it later. If you're hungry all the time then you will binge and you will gain weight. When you gain weight you will starve yourself and become hungry all the time, and thus...binge again. Why did you binge before you had anorexia? Because you weren't getting adequate nutrition. Anorexia is not the solution to that and it instead leads to all the things that you fear; being alone, weight gain, a lack of confidence. It does not strengthen you at all.

Do you know why there are people out there with great bodies who don't have eating disorders? Because they listen to their body, and their body's messages aren't distorted from weeks and months of poor eating habits.

Now I must learn to listen to my body's messages again. I know for the first bit they will be indecipherable. I will eat a lot and I will eat the wrong things because my body doesn't understand food anymore. In time though it will all balance out.

I feel like it will never end....because I start to do so well but then something happens. The past 2 weeks I was doing amazing, and then something happened and I know it ties into my recent weight gain...and I feel a return to old ways, but you have to remember to keep trying. So even if I feel like it will never end I will still try my best to stop it, but my advice to anyone who is almost anorexic is that you need to get off forums like this and you need to stop looking at thinspo. Delete your instagram, Tumblr, and Pintrest if that's what it takes. Fuck all of that.

Rant over.

[Goal] I lost the weight from my last binge cycle!
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" | cw 154 | gw 145 | ugw 100 | -16]
Created: Thu Oct 19 09:27:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77f444/i_lost_the_weight_from_my_last_binge_cycle/
I was doing so good restricting a couple months back. I had that feeling that only lower and lower numbers were ahead, like my life was coming together and all that shit. Then I got some bad news, I don't even remember what it was, and drank a bottle of champagne and ate a 2500+ cal bag of roasted cashews. Then I kept going for at least another week. I compromised with myself from there, one 600 cal day followed by a 1000+ day where I fit it all into one meal so I still got to feel like I binged. Then I got worse news and have hardly been able to eat for a few days. So now I'm .2 points under obese, yay!

Yesterday I woke up to a huge panic attack and today is starting off MUCH better

[Discussion] Do you guys get a blocked throat after purging?
/u/aziz18023 [5'7| CW: 111 | GW: 105 | M/15]
Created: Thu Oct 19 09:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77f3tx/do_you_guys_get_a_blocked_throat_after_purging/
I tried to purge for the first time yesterday and today I can barely speak and when I can my voice sounds like I've been smoking a pack a day for 10 years and I think it's related. I had to do a presentation in class today and it was very awkward

[Rant/Rave] Feeling really sad. Trying not to binge.
Created: Thu Oct 19 08:56:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ewok/feeling_really_sad_trying_not_to_binge/

[Rant/Rave] Fell off the wagon, but somehow I didn't destroy myself?
/u/annabear [F23 | 5'7" | CW:247.8 | -18.5]
Created: Thu Oct 19 08:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77eplm/fell_off_the_wagon_but_somehow_i_didnt_destroy/

[Discussion] Lowest maintainable weight/BMI?
/u/BonnePomme [5'6" | 91.8 lbs | 14.8 | -41 lbs| 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 08:07:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77elih/lowest_maintainable_weightbmi/

[Discussion] comment all your safe foods!!
Created: Thu Oct 19 08:02:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ek9a/comment_all_your_safe_foods/
let’s list ‘em

[Rant/Rave] Took a chance and ordered some jeans online in a smaller size
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 57.2 | 19.11/18.89 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 06:49:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77e5ic/took_a_chance_and_ordered_some_jeans_online_in_a/
And they fit, despite gaining some weight when I ordered them. They're a little loose even. I probably could have gotten away with ordering even a bit smaller.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support October 19, 2017
Created: Thu Oct 19 06:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77dyr8/weekly_emotional_support_october_19_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 19, 2017
Created: Thu Oct 19 06:09:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77dyk5/daily_food_diary_october_19_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] I’m a terrible person
Created: Thu Oct 19 05:45:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77dul4/im_a_terrible_person/
There’s a new girl at work who I loathe. She rolls her eyes at me when she thinks I’m not looking when I explain things to her she doesn’t want to hear.

When she joined in August, she was so thin, and now she’s gained at least 10 lbs and sprained her leg from running improperly. I’ve lost about the same amount in the last month.

I can’t help but be happy.

[Rant/Rave] "You look... Hungry "
Created: Thu Oct 19 04:29:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77djlx/you_look_hungry/

[Rant/Rave] My Bulimia made me broke [rant/rave]
Created: Thu Oct 19 04:11:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77dha1/my_bulimia_made_me_broke_rantrave/
The title says about all.

I'm absolutely fucking broke. I don't earn a lot to begin with because I decided to go to school to get a second degree, but the money would work out, if I didn't impulsively spend on binge food, and if not on binge food, on shopping in general.

I LOVE my ED, no kidding. There's nothing but money that would make me even consider giving it up.

But at the moment, I really don't know how to manage my bills without asking for money from my family, and I feel bad even thinking about it, because they believe they'd support my education, not my bulimia, when giving me money.

[Help] Wanting to get ED
Created: Thu Oct 19 02:14:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77d2sv/wanting_to_get_ed/

[Tip] Collagen protein
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 19 01:55:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77d0ju/collagen_protein/
Do it. Seriously. If you're gonna limit your calories at least make sure the ones you do eat are worth a damn. This shit is good for your face... when your body loses fats it starts to break down your collagen which is what keeps u young looking... Or something like that... Anyways my friend uses it and she looks 5yrs younger than me and she's 2yrs older.

[Rant/Rave] Realizing how many Instagram models have apparent EDs...
Created: Thu Oct 19 01:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cyci/realizing_how_many_instagram_models_have_apparent/

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else just feeling so tired?
Created: Thu Oct 19 00:22:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cool/anyone_else_just_feeling_so_tired/
Physically and emotionally, but especially emotionally. My heart hurts both physically and because I’m so sad and stressed over all this. I gave in today when my friend asked to go to chipotle and I ate a whole bowl so fast and felt so sick. I couldn’t even purge it l :/ Lastly, i have an intake appointment in a week but I’m really struggling bc I feel like I don’t deserve treatment since I feel like I don’t have a “real” ED. Anyone else ever feel this way?

[Rant/Rave] Still feeling huge rant
Created: Thu Oct 19 00:20:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cobp/still_feeling_huge_rant/
To put this into perspective, this time last year I was over 200 pounds. I hit 200 December 9th 2016 and in total I'm down to 131 from 250. I still feel huge, clumsy, awkward and slow. I figured maybe with this much weight down I would feel more light but instead I could swear I still weigh 250. Even though I restrict super hard I still feel this slowness even when I eat a normal person meal (assuming I keep it down.) Maybe it is just restriction I don't know, all I know is I don't feel any different than I did 119 pounds ago. Dunno just a random rant I've been thinking about the last few days. What do you all think.

[Tip] A reminder that frozen grapes and watermelon are pretty much the best
/u/grave_stoned [6'1" / F / CW: 163 / GW: 140]
Created: Wed Oct 18 23:37:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cie2/a_reminder_that_frozen_grapes_and_watermelon_are/
Looking for a sweet fix?

Craving ice cream?

Need to binge and make it semi low cal?

Frozen grapes and watermelon might just be your answer my friend. For about 45kcal per cup of watermelon, and 62kcal for a cup of grapes, you're on your way to feeling good about eating something sweet and tasty! I honestly prefer them to Halo Top (is it legal to say that on this sub?), or alternative low cal ice creams. Freezing fruits brings out the sweetness, and its overall just a great alternative. This has been a PSA.

[Help] why am i like this??
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~132 gw~115]
Created: Wed Oct 18 23:26:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cgua/why_am_i_like_this/
dear god so i weighed in at 131.4 this morning, my lowest weight so far. last time i was this weight, five days ago, i spent the rest of the day hanging out with my boyfriend eating a shit ton of food. it's taken me 5 days to get back here and now i just go fuck everything up again.

and then i did the same thing today. why can't i hang out with him without eating? it's like i can't say no to food around him. and then next thing you know i've accidentally eaten an entire bag of chips, a box of reese's pieces, a huge pack of gummy cherries, and a (delicious) salmon piroshki to top it off. literally 3000 calories total today. and then i spent the rest of the night hating myself for being a fat fuck. why is it so easy to be a goddamn fuckup. or why can't i just enjoy myself, and not worry about it? i just *eat* and *eat* and *eat* and then feel so shitty. god.

[Rant/Rave] My fiancée is up (he lives 3 hours away) and I just want to die.
Created: Wed Oct 18 23:06:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cduw/my_fiancée_is_up_he_lives_3_hours_away_and_i_just/

He took me to a movie yesterday. And I had popcorn and nachos. And a huuuuuge cinnamon bun with extra frosting. I purged it all as best as I could without him noticing.

Now he wants to take me to dinner tomorrow.

Nooooo. All I can think of is the calories and I’m no good at restricting for the day until then.


[Rant/Rave] DAE feel crappy when they break a fast?
/u/catpotatotots [5'4|CW: 🙃 |GW: 100|UGW: 90|F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 22:53:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77cbqf/dae_feel_crappy_when_they_break_a_fast/
Hey guys! I've been more of a lurker/casual commenter, but I pretty much read this sub religiously.

Lately I've been doing IF, and trying to do a 20/4 fast or as long as I can last really without social obligations. On Wednesdays my sorority has weekly meetings, and there's always sisters who want to hang out and eat.

I usually don't eat all day even after I get home from school just because I don't want to. Wednesday's I kind of feel obligated to eat with sisters and usually end up eating around 6:00PM (in reference I wake up at 6:30AM on Wednesdays to go to school). About two weeks ago I noticed I feel sick when I eat after fasting, but it seems to happen only on Wednesdays. Idk if it's just me being paranoid or because I'm eating an actual meal or my body just wants to hurt me because I'm the fat sister of the group 🙃

Anyways I was just curious if other people also feel really sick when they break a fast, and what do you guys do about it? Some of my sisters know about my ED so I can't exactly purge in the bathroom to get rid of my nausea 😔

[Help] Anyone here ever dated someone who also has an ED?
/u/LetzBeAn [5'5.5" | HW: 142 | CW: 110 | GW1: 90 | 25NB]
Created: Wed Oct 18 22:29:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77c7yy/anyone_here_ever_dated_someone_who_also_has_an_ed/
Long story short, relatively recently, I met an incredible woman (I'm non-binary) who I connected with immediately and we've been spending a *loot* of time together. We've talked to each other really deeply and extensively about our struggle with mental illnesses, and I think we've both been really open with each other... with the exception of ED. ED never came up in our discussion at all.

However, the other day, as I was walking up behind her to surprise her with a mid-afternoon snack, I saw her scrolling through the "eatingdisorderconfession" Tumblr. Rather than confronting her then, I just kind of stood frozen behind her, long enough to see that she then switched to a thinspo blog. At this point I tiptoed back out the room...

This was two days ago, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know I know. However, I think she suspects that I have an ED though because she occasionally makes a few comment about how I'm not eating enough and I see her eyeing my plate when we go out to eat and I'm doing the whole "fake excited tone when I talk about minor daily happenings" and the whole "cutting and then moving food around on my plate rather than eating it" thing, which is usually enough to distract most people.

Finding out that she's probably struggling with an ED actually caught me off guard. She doesn't engage in most of the typical behaviours (e.g. bathroom after dinner, compulsively going to the gym, keeping a large stash of binge food, choosing the lowest cal options -- hell, I can't even find a bathroom scale anywhere in her house!). Of course, some of these I might simply not have noticed. And in addition, going by my estimate, her BMI probably also falls into the high end of the normal range. I'm not saying this at all to suggest that that somehow indicates anything about the severity of her ED. And I don't judge her for her weight, nor do I think my attraction towards her would change at all if her weight changed. I'm only saying it because all that is leading me to conclude that she's either in the beginning stages of an ED, or she's recovering from one.

I am very worried that she might be in recovery and that being around me has triggered her ED thinking again... I might be paranoid here, but I notice that she seems to be eating slightly less since she met me and no longer finishes all the food on her plate... I would hate to cause her to relapse if she was in recovery... and if she's not, I'm worried that being around me and noticing my weird food habits might lead her to want to restrict more? And (this part I'm really ashamed to admit), I'm highly competitive and yesterday I found myself calculating and her calorie consumption and comparing it to mine... Gosh I hate this so much.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Or does anyone have any advice for me? I know that I have to confront her... but how? How when I have no intention of recovering myself?


[Rant/Rave] Back at it again
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121.4lbs | GW 103lbs | 21F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 22:26:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77c7fz/back_at_it_again/
I'm so fucking disappointed in myself. I was doing so well. I was eating intuitively and maintaining my weight and looking healthy but noooo i needed to be thinner to look good so I started calorie counting. Again. and then I started restricting. Because that's what I always do. And then I got so hungry and I started binging and restricting. And now I have a date tomorrow and I don't want binge-belly so... I took laxatives. for the first time in a year. I've been so good. I can't believe I'm back here... waiting for the pain and regret that'll set in about 8 hours later. And I'll probably still have absorbed all the calories but few nutrients and a lot of those will just be wasted leaving me hungrier tomorrow so naturally i'll binge again and have to purge again and it never ends...

I just want to be thin. I really want to get there healthily. I feel like 105 lbs isn't an unhealthy weight. Sure, it's below a "healthy" BMI but what the fuck does that matter? If I were 17.5 I wouldn't even be considered anorexic... why can't that be my goal? I wish more people would be accepting of low BMI goals because I feel like having to hide my goals from people leads me to more self-destructive habits then if I could just be honest.

Ok. Enough ranting. Goal plan: start drinking some water and keep water by my bed. Tomorrow, take my vitamins after the worst of the shitting and make sure to stay hydrated. Eat healthily, a tiny bit reduced, and make sure to work out, but not over-work. Consider throwing away laxatives. Try to stop berating myself. If only plans were as easy to stick with as they are to create...

[Rant/Rave] I hate boys.
Created: Wed Oct 18 22:18:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77c5yv/i_hate_boys/

[Rant/Rave] The stupidity of some people..
/u/midwesthoe- [5'1| 105 | 19.8 |20F|]
Created: Wed Oct 18 22:07:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77c488/the_stupidity_of_some_people/

[Intro] Intro
Created: Wed Oct 18 21:37:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77byz9/intro/
Hi guys!

I've been lurking for a while and I leave the occasional comment but I have been hesitant to introduce myself because I'm technically in recovery and I don't really want to backslide. I have come a really long way but I'm still more disordered than not and I need this kind of judgement-free zone in my life.

I'm 26, I've been struggling with anorexia since I was 15 but have been in recovery since I was 20. I have 4 kids, I was married but my husband died almost a year ago, so things have been really hard and it has made my disordered habits and anxiety around food a lot worse. I have a somewhat bad addiction to exercise and I still count calories religiously. Somehow I am still hanging onto those last 5 baby pounds.

I'm 5'7 and currently 118 pounds, which should make me happy but it doesn't. I can't say I'm thrilled to be back here, but I'm struggling more than I have in a while and this is such a supportive community. So hi!

[Rant/Rave] Prozac and weight
Created: Wed Oct 18 21:32:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bxzr/prozac_and_weight/
I've recently gone back on Prozac for my anxiety, about a month now. It stops my obsessive thoughts but without my obsessive thoughts I find it harder to stick to my diet and calorie restriction. I'm really conflicted about whether or not to continue as I'm a lot haappier but I've gained 2 pounds this month since starting.

[Rant/Rave] I just tried (and failed) to purge for the first time
/u/aziz18023 [5'7| CW: 111 | GW: 105 | M/15]
Created: Wed Oct 18 21:22:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bwbr/i_just_tried_and_failed_to_purge_for_the_first/

[Rant/Rave] I've gained 10 pounds because I can't stop binging when I'm with my boyfriend.
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 135 | GW 110 | BMI 20ish | -45 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 20:55:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77br8w/ive_gained_10_pounds_because_i_cant_stop_binging/
We have a long distance relationship so when we see each other for two days a week, I'm at my happiest. But when I'm at my happiest, I have low anxiety and few cares in the world so I don't worry nearly as much about my eating (and controlling it). I've gotten so out of control. I was at a steady 125 ibs for nearly a year and just now I weighed in at 138. I know some of it is water retention and food weight since I binged the past two days but I know that tomorrow it still won't be anywhere near what I wish it was. I was doing SO well for so long with restricting and keeping control, and now I feel like I'm losing all the progress I've made. I don't want to keep binging but I don't know how to stop it like I did before and I just want to fucking die. I hate looking in the mirror. I don't know what to do anymore.

This has been getting worse for probably about 5 months now and I'm just worried I'm so far into the habit of eating so unhealthily and care-free when we're together that 1) I won't be able to kick this disgusting ritual I've gotten into, and 2) I'll continue to gain permanent weight and eventually get even fatter.

[Discussion] HOW do you stay warm?
/u/justalittlesmaller [5'2" | 98 | 17.9 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 20:21:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bkni/how_do_you_stay_warm/
I get so so so cold in temps that others find comfortable. Usually I just keep my coat and scarf on, but I work in the medical field and oftentimes can ONLY wear scrubs (short sleeved top and pants). HELP!

[Goal] First fast!!
/u/xwer15 [5'5| 142.6 | -18| GW:100| F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 20:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bj3w/first_fast/
As of 9pm today I completed my first 24 hour fast :) I'm feeling really proud because I never thought I could do one. I didn't really mean to do it, I just saw myself this morning in the mirror and my thighs were so big I got nauseous. So I didn't want to eat and by then it was noon so I just kept it going. It hasn't been too too bad, I haven't been hungry for a lot of the day and my stomach only growled a few times. I'm starting to feel lightheaded now but I'm going to sleep soon so I'll be okay. I think I'm going to try to fast once a week going forward. I'm feeling really good about reaching my goals :)

Hope everyone had a good day!!

[Rant/Rave] A pint of Mac and cheese
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 20:13:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bj02/a_pint_of_mac_and_cheese/
I just watched my little brother heat up an entire bloody pint of Mac and cheese, and he's wolfing it down in front of me as I'm watching "what the health". He starts choking on the food, and coughs up a noodle into his hand, HE THEN PROCEEDS TO SHRUG AND LICK IT OFF HIS HAND


[Thinspo] When your doctor notices your weight loss
/u/raz563 [5"11 | GW: 120lb | Female]
Created: Wed Oct 18 20:06:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bhq2/when_your_doctor_notices_your_weight_loss/

[Other] Sometimes, when I have nothing else, words are all I need.
Created: Wed Oct 18 20:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77bgkv/sometimes_when_i_have_nothing_else_words_are_all/

[Help] In the grocery parking lot binge prep
Created: Wed Oct 18 19:19:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77b8cl/in_the_grocery_parking_lot_binge_prep/
I cracked my knuckles and put on my baseball cap and decided it was a day to binge. What’s hilarious is when I binge I am always in the same outfit ie sweats hat under disguise cause I could never have anyone seeing me buying pizza like I’m committing a crime. I’ve been depriving myself since the last binge over the weekend and have been drinking again so, under the influence, I justify my illness. When I am sober this never happens. But I’ve been restricting hard and I’m straight up hungry. I look like shit too. My eyes are sunken, I just don’t look well. I’m going to binge right now with hope that I can just not one day. I really need to consider the insanity that goes along with repeating this same process over and over. Instead of maintaining our ED's let’s offer ideas to fix....? Alas here I go ....

[Rant/Rave] Binged and ran to bathroom
Created: Wed Oct 18 19:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77b5ye/binged_and_ran_to_bathroom/

[Rant/Rave] I just need to rant a little
Created: Wed Oct 18 19:02:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77b4qr/i_just_need_to_rant_a_little/
I can’t control my fucking appetite. I’m disgusting and large AGAIN, all the weightloss I achieved this summer is gone. Completely gone. Like it never even happened. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m living for anymore. I have no friends, I have no self control, no money, no life. I just want to die. I wake up everyday wishing I had died in my sleep and I go to sleep every night hoping I don’t wake up. Honest to god I would do heroin if it gave me something to live for. Anything. I will do meth for fucks sake if it helps me lose weight. Nothing ever gets better. Fuck.

[Intro] Intro
/u/Im_Your_Turbo_Lover [6'1 | 205 | 25.82 | 150lb lost | M]
Created: Wed Oct 18 18:54:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77b33e/intro/
Hey. I thought I would start participating here because I have been lurking for a while and I like the atmosphere of this sub in particular.

I'm a 22 year old in college who's lost something over 150 lbs, and actually lost a little more than that but seem to have gained a bit back as of time of posting. At 6'1 I used to weigh nearly 400 lbs. This year I managed to get down to 188.

I'm back up to around 205 now, and I would like to weigh 180 or less by the end of next year.

When I'm not in class or doing work I'm usually either at the gym or gaming and/or listening to music (I like Siouxsie, The Smiths, The Cure, New Order, and Joy Division). I'm not a super social type, although I wouldn't classify myself as an introvert per se. I can socialize and go out and do those things, but people tend to tire me out pretty fast, and most of my friends are either a) from the internet or b) aren't the party type either. So in general I keep to myself, and I like the idea of a community like this.

Anyway, I've had a pretty crappy few weeks. I have serious issues with binge eating, on the order of eating 12,000 calories in one day. I'm afraid of actually dying from eating too much (not from obesity, literally too much food in my body at once), so it would be nice to have support. I look forward to participating here and being there for other members of this sub if you'll have me.

I was thinking of posting progress pics but I wasn't sure that was allowed in intro posts, and I don't like being vain in general.

[Help] I have a really dumb question guys
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 18:36:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77azjb/i_have_a_really_dumb_question_guys/
So I binged a little today. Nothing crazy, I just ate more than what I planned on having. I stayed under 1000 calories. Maintenance for me is between 1400 and 1500.

As long as I stay under 1400 or so, I should lose weight right? I'm not all of a sudden going to gain weight just because I ate a few hundred calories more than normal?

My ED brain is kind of panicking and I don't want to purge so I just need some support about it tbh lol.

[Goal] I said no to free food (finally)
/u/lavendersmoke [5'5" | CW 127.4 | GW 105 | -5 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 18:27:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77axoi/i_said_no_to_free_food_finally/
I'm currently living in a house with several other people including my boss, and everyone is usually super sweet and tries to feed me daily.

Today one of the girls ordered pizza and I said no. I may have binged on three specialty cupcakes earlier and am getting a sushi roll for dinner but I somehow said no to pizza at least. Fingers crossed I keep getting better at it.

[Other] its my birthday today
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 190 lb | GW: 120 lb | 22F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 18:18:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77avsr/its_my_birthday_today/
I saved up all my calories to get drunk and only one person wants to go out with me

I can't even blame them its a wednesday in the middle of exam season

Every years just a reminder that no one ever wants to celebrate my birthday. Even on my 21st all I did was go to my work (on my day off) and have a beer.

at least i dont feel hungry or want to drink anymore

[Rant/Rave] The mirror
/u/shrinktoavoid [F 5'7|120.6]
Created: Wed Oct 18 18:12:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77audp/the_mirror/
A quick rant:

Woke up today feeling small and empty, I was satisfied when the scale showed my weight this morning, my clothes fit comfortably, even briefly thought to myself that maybe I could just maintain comfortably at this weight.

Then I happened to glance at myself in the mirror and everything single one of those previous positive thoughts didn't matter. I still have so much fat to lose still!

I hate the mirror, I hate pictures of me, I seriously wish that I could just wear a garbage bag the rest of my life so no one can ever see my body again.

[Help] giving yourself leeway/cutting yourself some slack?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Wed Oct 18 18:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77as8z/giving_yourself_leewaycutting_yourself_some_slack/
i have been heavily restricting lately and (maybe tmi but w/e) just got my period so i'm already bloated and feel disgusting and i'm also really hungry which never happens on my period. i kinda want to cut myself some slack, eat dessert tonight with my friends, and maybe even eat dinner when i get home, but i'm afraid of eating at/above maintenance. do you guys think that it makes a difference for one day out of weeks of heavy restriction? like, how badly would one day affect my progress? idk, it's tempting to cut myself some slack today.

[Rant/Rave] I just tried (and failed) to purge for the first time
Created: Wed Oct 18 17:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77amas/i_just_tried_and_failed_to_purge_for_the_first/

[Other] Saw an old friend from high school today.
/u/LostBrokenAndAfraid [5"10 | CW 195 | 170 | - 70 lbs | M]
Created: Wed Oct 18 17:32:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77am4x/saw_an_old_friend_from_high_school_today/
Hey all, just wanted to share this little exchange that happened roughly 20 minutes ago.

I was walking to class (I'm a junior at my university) and I heard someone yell out my name super loud. I looked over, and saw one of my best friends from high school. I hadn't seen him in the four years since we graduated, and we were both stoked to see each other again. Anyway, we start walking in the same direction to our classes, and he says:

"Damn dude, you look so healthy!"

I gave him a really puzzled look. I asked him what he meant by that.

"You just look so much healthier and buffer than you did back in high school."

(Probably important to note that I was on swim team with him for 4 years so we were VERY familiar with what each other looked like.)

I felt like a god damned idiot. All I could think to say was "I wish I felt healthy," and he looked at me like I was an idiot. I pretty quickly realized what I'd said, and, not wanting to divulge all of the details to him, I changed the subject to something else pretty quickly and he seemed to quickly forget about the exchange.

I just feel worse now, honestly. I can't stop thinking about what others think about me and how much of a failure I am due to this illness. I know that I've got another 25 lbs or so on my frame than I did back then, and it definitely shows. I lift weights quite a bit, so while I have put on a bit of muscle, I still feel like a disgusting fat blob. I can't stop thinking about what others from high school or from my past may or may not think of me.

I just needed to throw this all down somewhere, as it isn't like I have anyone else I can talk to about it. Thanks for reading.

[Rant/Rave] Lately I just have such a hard time restricting.
/u/lovelyannie [5’2” | 167 | 30.6 | -20lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Oct 18 17:28:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77alew/lately_i_just_have_such_a_hard_time_restricting/
It’s like, no matter what time in the day my first bite of food is, I can’t stop.

If I eat breakfast, I’ve eaten 800 calories by lunch. If I don’t eat until dinner, I binge hardcore between dinner and bed.

I’ve already figured out that if I can stick to my plan, my estimated weight loss date is March 3rd, but I CAN’T DO IT.

This was so easy in high school. I don’t know why I can’t do it anymore.

Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest. :(

[Rant/Rave] Ate normally for a day and it was so damn many calories. Fuck me.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 17:22:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ajyn/ate_normally_for_a_day_and_it_was_so_damn_many/
Spent the whole day with friends and family, and ate normally whenever they ate, so nobody would be suspicious. Went on a hike, had an apple donut. Met my aunt for lunch, had a salad. Yoga, a pear. Now I’m meeting people for a slice of pizza and a beer.

How the hell do people do this every day?! I’m almost at 1900 calories, 1700 with the hiking I did. I’m going to gain at least a half a pound from today. Fuck.

[Tip] Tip I thought I’d share with my fellow broke drunkorexics
Created: Wed Oct 18 17:03:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77afth/tip_i_thought_id_share_with_my_fellow_broke/
Now that fall weather is finally upon us, I crave cider like nothing else. Cider is basically pure sugar. I’ve figured out a great replacement: herbal tea infusions. I get a $12 handle of vodka from Costco (don’t need to be a member to purchase liquor), and steep a couple of bags of “apple spice” tea for a couple of hours and add some Splenda. I drink it with just ice, but some soda water to dilute would probably be great too. Lots of flavor, no added calories.

Created: Wed Oct 18 17:02:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77afik/carolinedeisler/

[Rant/Rave] Y'all...broth.
/u/operadiva31 [5'6" | CW 212.4 lbs | 34.42 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 131 lbs]
Created: Wed Oct 18 16:56:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ae9w/yallbroth/
Now that it's finally cold out, I am LIVING for veggie bouillon cube broth. 15 cal for an entire cube and I feel so full after. It's just so warm and satisfying. I know we've all tallied about it before, but I just had to rave for a second.

[Rant/Rave] Comfort
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.2 | -27.8 | F | G: 99]
Created: Wed Oct 18 16:47:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77ac9w/comfort/
The more weight I lose, the more toned I get, the more comfortable I become with my body. A few days ago I tried on an outfit that I purchased 4 years ago but was too ashamed to actually wear it in public because I looked reeallyyy fat. https://imgur.com/a/fus6h. I am posing a little bit, but even with that I don't look too fat to wear that. I wonder if I'm ever going to get the courage to wear this in public. How low should my weight go? Bigger girls sometimes try to pull this look but it looks horrible. I just don't want to be "that fat girl" whose fat is flowing all over the place, it's disgusting.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so happyyyy
Created: Wed Oct 18 16:14:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77a4kd/im_so_happyyyy/
My mom made me stand on the scale this morning in front of her today because she was concerned about me looking like I'm "skin and bones" lately. Although it's obviously not true (if these chafing thighs are skin and bones then my bones have some issues lol) I stepped on and found that I lost 5 pounds in the last two weeks!! Without trying anything!! In fact I ate so much dairy and sugar and trash these past weeks that I was afraid to look at the scale only to see that I went from 134 to 129. I'm finally at the 22s for bmi :) and 5 pounds closer to GW. It's so small in the grand scheme of things but I couldn't stop smiling after I saw.

How do you keep you ED from your parents??
Created: Wed Oct 18 16:05:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77a2j1/how_do_you_keep_you_ed_from_your_parents/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling like shit cause I probably gained weight
Created: Wed Oct 18 15:51:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/779z7r/feeling_like_shit_cause_i_probably_gained_weight/
Since reaching 120 I decided I now want to hit 110 but I am having a hard time given the time of year and wanting to be able to enjoy things. So I told myself I would give myself 3-4 days of not counting and then 3-4 days of 1200 cals (i wish I could go lower but smoking weed makes that real difficult. So I had the past two days of not counting (this first day was probably maintenance also) and now I’m stuck at 120-121 when I have been pretty consistently 117. Even tho I know this is probably water weight and I haven’t gone to the bathroom it is driving me crazy. I had plans to go watch a basketball game and drink tonight and I really want to but now I’m stressed about my weight and miserable and don’t want to let myself eat anything.

The only potential positive is I just donated plasma and their scale there said I am 118 with all my clothes and shoes on and so I was feeling ok til I came home and weighed myself again on my scale and I’m still 120!!

I hate this

[Rant/Rave] weight loss tip! (not really)
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" | cw 154 | gw 145 | ugw 100 | -16]
Created: Wed Oct 18 14:28:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/779ewx/weight_loss_tip_not_really/
useless whining here, fair warning

So I'm a major stoner I guess. I've been addicted to weed for years. I quit for 2 months last year to show my therapist I could. It was horrible. I never believed until then that anybody actually had any super negative effects from quitting weed. But I guess if you are doing it all day long every single day without fail, stopping suddenly can have an effect. suddenly I was having panic attacks every day and barely sleeping etc. Terrible.

So here I am a year or whatever later and I've been doing dabs. So now I'm addicted to those. And I ran out and won't be getting more for a few days. And so I guess I am withdrawing again, allthough I hate to even apply that term to this. But I'm so distraught, so busy having emotional breakdowns about everything, that the thought of food just makes me angry. Even the thought of binging makes me angry. All the normal techniques I turn to to soothe myself, healthy or unhealthy, my brain just thinks right away "fuck that stupid thing that's not going to fix your problems nothing is going to fix your problems there's nothing you can do than just sit here and keep fucking panicking" and this newfound anger at food is the only good thing to come out of this total emotional breakdown. I might actually fit into the dress I have to wear this weekend and not feel like a stuffed sausage for once in my goddamn life

[Rant/Rave] I hate that I hate this
Created: Wed Oct 18 14:23:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/779dl8/i_hate_that_i_hate_this/
My friend is so naturally skinny, and she's always eating junk and fast food shit and it makes me furious. I mention anything about food and she goes on about how she's never hungry and doesn't need to eat much. She sees a normal-person meal I made or something and she goes "I could never eat all that wow, I wish I had that kind of appetite".

She's 5'2" and weighs 105 and I'm 5'8" and weigh Too Much, so I know I shouldnt logically compare myself to her, but I can't help it.

She's also told me that her lack of appetite and bad nutrition is because of her depression, and I know it makes me a horrible person to, knowing this, still hate the fact she's thinner than me and eats less than me.

Every time I hang out with her it makes me hate myself and my huge fucking appetite and makes me want to not eat ever. Why am I such a shitty person like this :(

[Discussion] Fitbit challenge!
Created: Wed Oct 18 14:19:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/779chi/fitbit_challenge/
Hey, so i had an idea that maybe we could form a small community on Fitbit and challenge eachother to motivate eachother to keep making steps. I would only put people in this subreddit in the challenge.

Leave your info below or PM me ur email associated to your account if youre interested.

[Rant/Rave] my birthday
Created: Wed Oct 18 14:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7799wm/my_birthday/
my family ordered me these cookies for my birthday and i decided to eat three for some reason and after eating them it put me around 1300 calories for the whole day, which is the most ive eaten in... months. i cant remember the last time i ate this much.

i cry after almost every single time i eat and ive gotten pretty well with doing it so no one will notice how upset i get but i dont think i can hide it from my roommate this time, but i think thats not super bad because shes already pretty aware of how freaky i can get sometimes

i was supposed to go out tonight and hang with some friends, but i cant even do that because i have so much homework and exams to study for

and its the first time im spending my birthday away from my grandparents, which is really upsetting.

its been a weird, melancholic day and i would talk about it with friends but one has overtly said she thinks its annoying when i talk about food and obsess over stuff so i think im going to stop talking about this kind of thing with people i know

ever since college has started ive been able to do what i want food wise, but i maintained for a long time and slowly reached 106 and i dont even look nice for someone with my bmi/height & weight which is upsetting. im just trying my best.

i apologize if this is really disembodied, i just needed to say something and calm myself down. this is my first post too so im not so sure about... etiquette and everything else.

[Goal] I weighed myself today...
Created: Wed Oct 18 13:40:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7792i6/i_weighed_myself_today/
And, I'm finally in the 120's!!! I am 128lbs for the first time in years.
I was so excited that I had to share with someone :)
Thanks for hearing me out. Hope everyone is having a good day! 💓

Has anyone been on the birth control pill Aviane before??? Did it work good for you/any weight gain?
Created: Wed Oct 18 13:37:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7791n5/has_anyone_been_on_the_birth_control_pill_aviane/

[Other] Unexpected triggers
/u/FluffyToughy [17.1 kg/m^2.5]
Created: Wed Oct 18 13:24:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778yf4/unexpected_triggers/
I was doing some programming earlier today for data analysis. I had variables all over the place like `app.analysis.engine.host`, which are just too long, right? Who wants to write that all the time. Let's shorten it! `anal-host` is out for... obvious reasons, so how about `ana-host`? Great. Problem solved. Didn't even think about it.

Right up until I called something an `ana-trigger` and the meaning clicked... several thousands of lines later 😑🔫

I know this is kinda weird and niche, but I've got to finish this stupid project and I'm so lowkey triggered right now, lol.

[Discussion] The Science of Eating Disorders
/u/RedxLoaf [5'7" | 158lbs | 40lbs Lost | 24F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 12:58:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778ru7/the_science_of_eating_disorders/
So I listened to [this podcast](https://completehumanperformance.com/2015/09/11/eating-disorder-podcast/) on my way to get my ADHD pills on my lunch break. It's a freaking revelation.

Everything Carrie Arnold (writer of Decoding Anorexia) talks about I can relate in someway, and others I can relate to immensely. I never knew how to describe my impulses, but now I know the word "obsessionality" and how it's linked to my self-worth and perfectionism. It's really worth the listen if you have the time. :)

Here's the synopsis if you want to learn more before listening:

*You know the hardest part about having an eating disorder?*

It’s not feeling cold all of the time.

It’s not being weak and fragile.

It’s not the hunger.

It’s having no idea why, or how, you got anorexia.

I’ve been anorexic since I was 12 years old, and the worst part of the disease is feeling guilty. You feel like you’re “defective,” and that it’s somehow your fault.

Luckily, new research has come out that helps shed light on exactly why some people become anorexic, like me, and others don’t.

In this podcast, science journalist and former anorexia sufferer Carrie Arnold is going to teach you what really causes eating disorders. Here’s what we discuss:

The three main causes of anorexia.

The most underrated warning signs that someone might have an eating disorder.

How your brain function changes when you get anorexia.

How to help, or at least talk to, someone with an eating disorder.

[Help] First time posting here but wanted to say it.
Created: Wed Oct 18 12:37:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778mnc/first_time_posting_here_but_wanted_to_say_it/

[Thinspo] Raven Lyn
Created: Wed Oct 18 12:35:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778m56/raven_lyn/

[Rant/Rave] Lost control... I was doing so well :(
Created: Wed Oct 18 12:12:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778g8l/lost_control_i_was_doing_so_well/
I was doing SO well with restricting this week until today.... had a healthy safe food lunch, but then something suddenly came over me and I ate a huge bag of tortilla chips (over 600 calories), then as if that wasn't enough, I ate 2 chocolate candy bars from the vending machine, then as I was walking back home I had ANOTHER smaller bag of chips and a triple turkey club sandwich pack (I think it was around 700 cal for the entire pack?!) I'm so upset I feel disgusting.
The worst part is, I can't restrict for the next few days as my parents are coming to visit me.... fuck :(

[Rant/Rave] remembering that progress/changes don't happen overnight
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Wed Oct 18 12:09:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778ff7/remembering_that_progresschanges_dont_happen/
it's easy to forget that change and progress doesn't happen overnight (and might not even be visible for a week or two at a time). i look back on past weight loss and feel like it happened so quickly, effortlessly. i have to remind myself—today and, lately, almost every day—that eating less than 1,000 calories a day will absolutely result in weight loss because it couldn't possibly lead to maintaining or gaining weight. and one day of eating 1,400 calories won't mean gaining a ridiculous amount of weight. losing the weight i gained on maintenance won't happen overnight, and that's okay. it'll happen eventually, sooner than i think, and i guess that's all that really matters.

[Discussion] you know it’s bad when
/u/honeymilk66 [5'2 | cw: 148.6 lbs | -21.4 lbs | gw: 98 lbs]
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:59:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778cwz/you_know_its_bad_when/

[Discussion] Opinions on Protein Bars
/u/pr3tty_vacant [5'4 | CW133.6 | 22.9 | GW 105 | 22F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:55:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/778by5/opinions_on_protein_bars/
Personally I love them because even though they can be up to 210cal I literally won’t eat anything for the rest of the day. I can do days at a time with a Quest Cookies n cream bar and a 10cal black instant coffee (its 10 cal because French Vanilla & I put coconut oil in it).

What are you guys’ opinions? I haven’t weighed myself in ages so I don’t know if I’ll actually lose weight on this but we’ll see. Fingers crossed!

[Thinspo] Does anyone here have her meal plan? Does she actually eat? Is it magic?
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:44:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77898v/does_anyone_here_have_her_meal_plan_does_she/

[Rant/Rave] Friend is getting engaged
/u/chocolate_9_T [5"0 | 109😭 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:44:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77894b/friend_is_getting_engaged/
And I need to lose weight.

Naturally you'd think I'd be happy that my friend is going to be getting married soon and stuff but my first thought was ... fuck ... I need to lose weight. This is serious.

I am so happy for her but I just can't shake this thought out of my head urgh ..

Pointless post but yahhhh

[Discussion] Does anyone else do this with their food?
/u/demonofequality [5'5"| CW: 125 | GW: 115 | 21.05 | -25 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:39:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7787tp/does_anyone_else_do_this_with_their_food/
Sorry for the super vague title, I didn’t know how to phrase it in a small amount of characters.

So I’ve always done this but I don’t know if it’s weird or kind of genius. It really only applies to a small group of heterogenous mixes of food - like salads or in my example parfaits but I know I do it with loads of stuff.

I will purposely order food knowing it has an ingredient in it that I don’t like, just so I can remove it. So this morning I got a strawberry banana parfait for breakfast. They come pre-packaged at my work in multiple fruit options: strawberry, strawberry/banana, blueberry, etc and have chunks of fruit mixed with yogurt and granola.

I don’t like bananas. But I pick the banana one because I then get to remove the bananas reducing the total calories in it (although small) and because I picked something with a food I know I will remove, I get something overall with a smaller mass of food because the bananas took up space that other calories could have.

It’s dumb because I could get the one I like and just not eat the whole thing. But I know my mind doesn’t work like that and that I don’t have that kind of self control.

I get jalapeños and beans in my salads knowing I’ll pick them out. Chunky tomatoes in sauces and salsas. Mushrooms in stews. I have a whole subconscious list of foods I don’t like that I pick out of food but never just ask to omit.

[Tip] Black pepper
/u/Glazed9000 [5'7' | 125 |]
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:34:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7786nt/black_pepper/
Since people eat salt for electrolytes, why stop there. Black pepper has potassium and aids in digestions. Tastes great on its own or in any recipe. Super random thought, but I just had a newfound appreciation for it while drinking some broth today haha.

[Rant/Rave] I'm only in a good mood if I'm fasting/restricting
/u/CoconutTime [5'4 | 128lbs | 22 | binger | f]
Created: Wed Oct 18 11:30:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7785j8/im_only_in_a_good_mood_if_im_fastingrestricting/
It's like I'm two different people.

One person who has control. She's happy and confident and says yes to plans. She wears cute clothes and does her makeup. She sometimes looks in the mirror and feels beautiful. She drinks a lot of water and eats almost nothing.

The second person has no control. She ignores everybody and withdraws herself from everything. She wears baggy clothes, her hairs a mess, and she doesn't dare look in the mirror. She stuffs her face with food that stopped tasting good an hour ago, but she needs to finish it. She hates herself.

My rational brain knows there is a person who lives in between these two. One who has control, but doesn't deprive herself. But it's like I'm stuck being one or the other, so I might as well be the first girl.

[Help] How to fix major bloating and constipation issues from heavily restricting...
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 108 | UGW 90 | 18 F | ]
Created: Wed Oct 18 10:58:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/777xfz/how_to_fix_major_bloating_and_constipation_issues/
I've been eating 500 cal or less for the past few weeks and I've only been able to make a BM after taking laxatives. It's been 7 days and I still haven't gone. I am literally so constipated that my stomach is very extended and it looks like I'm pregnant. I am also starting to feel pains. I don't want to get addicted to laxatives, but I do not know what to do at this point. The bloating is also triggering me into wanting to eat even less, which I know is just going to make the constipation even worse. Someone anyone please help lol, also sorry if this subject isn't appropriate.

[Rant/Rave] I got told by a friend who is a nurse that my ED is just a bad habit
/u/Vixen_Lucina [Height 5'10"| CW 266 | GW: 145| -12 ibs|F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 10:07:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/777ke5/i_got_told_by_a_friend_who_is_a_nurse_that_my_ed/
I was expecting support because of the medical background but instead I get told that eating disorders are just fancy terms for bad habits and you can quit any time with enough willpower.

I mean, I would love to quit. I'm trying but all I get is worse and worse. Is he right and I'm just weak willed? It isn't like I want to binge and purge. It feels like nobody gets it. He isn't the only friend who has told me similar. Another friend said it is just a choice and I just need to choose not to do it. I feel like maybe i'm just weak. If I mention my schizoaffective disorder everyone understands but why does nobody understand the ED and treats it like it is just a choice and a bad habit?

[Discussion] Recklessness Around Food (But Not the Eating Part)
/u/kvikerdragen [5'6.5" | 22F | CW 121.6 | GW 118 | HW 182]
Created: Wed Oct 18 09:21:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77793e/recklessness_around_food_but_not_the_eating_part/
So I've recently come to notice that I do some pretty dumb stuff when I cook (Which I cook a full dinner every night because of the family). Like, for example, I have little regard for getting minor burns. I'll allow myself to be splashed with hot oil, or I'll dip my finger in near-boiling water, or touch hot dishes. Things like that.
The thing is, I don't exhibit these behaviors in the rest of my life (Generally at least). It's just in the kitchen.
My first thought is that it's sort of a self-harm behavior, to punish myself for doing things that involve food, but I'm not wholly satisfied with that as the answer.
Does anyone else have similar experiences to this, or any possible insight?

[Rant/Rave] Super morbid thought and possibly triggering.... I'm incredibly portable and low cost cargo
Created: Wed Oct 18 09:13:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7776y3/super_morbid_thought_and_possibly_triggering_im/
I've fasted for 38 days before and only stopped because I was an idiot for a couple weeks and messed up my electrolytes.. ended up ranting for hours about how I was going to become a serial killer targeting pedophiles on the cards sent to your house when a sex offender moves in near you then throwing up Exorcist style before my roommate realized what was happening around him.. anyways.. I was just thinking of taking a trip. But my life is basically just garbage... I'm unemployed, waiting for SSI appeals, medically a trainwreck... But I can get some money donating PLASMA (that's a whole other story of getting paid 60$ to scream,"I'M NOT GOING TO DIE IN A PLASMA CLINIC" and then leave...), Get a train to my surviving sister's or a friend's and just reconnect with some people... Do something different... And it hit me how cheap it will actually be. I can go somewhere and at minimum with no intervention be zero cost for 30 days. I don't need to eat, water is free and crippling mental illness keeps you company wherever you decide to not sleep for days at a time! Life is pain -_-

[Rant/Rave] Soo...
Created: Wed Oct 18 08:57:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7772yn/soo/
(not sure what to tag this as, but I guess this will do)

I've been bingeing the past few days. I know it's because I've barely slept at all (finally got good sleep last night). Sadly I eat more when I sleep too little.

Anyway, I weighed myself today and thought I'd gained weight. Turns out I've lost weight!! Not much, but it's better than gaining. I'm quite happy about that.

Just wanted to share this with someone, and I don't really have anyone I can talk about this with. And everyone on this sub is so amazing and wonderful!! :)

[Rant/Rave] Meds & Restriction
/u/tattoosandcoffeee [5'3.75 | GW 108 | -15]
Created: Wed Oct 18 08:37:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/776yd3/meds_restriction/
So I have anxiety & adhd..usually go hand in hand to some extent for most. I have a script for vyvanse and for ativan for anxiety. I have only taken my anxiety meds a handful of times as needed usually at night b/c it makes me drowsy. Well, Monday I decided i was over obsessing and decided to cut my pill in half and take that for the day instead of my vyvanse. Something strange happened...I was calm. I was center. My thoughts were clear. I didn't sit and obsess about food. In fact didn't care about it at all. I WAS NOT HUNGRY. All day. Completely suppressed my appetite in the same way the vyvanse does. Tried again Tuesday just to see if it was a fluke. Happened again. Fasted all day and now Im on day 3. Im coming to the realization that my axiety has been the cause of my weight gain over the last 2 years. Ive always maintained the same low weight and a couple years ago my world was flipped upside down and I think I've been emotionally eating and have not been able to restrict b/c how bad my anxiety has been. Has anyone else experienced this as well? Realizing your anxiety has a big effect on your appetite and thought process about food? I just wish I would have realized this sooner..Side note: hit my first LW in years last friday at weigh in and after 3 days fasting again this week, I should hit another goal this friday. My motivations are thanksgiving & seeing my family i havnt seen in months and hoping they notice, my big 30, and my anniversary. FINGERS CROSSED GUYS!!:)

[Rant/Rave] I'm so done with sabotaging myself.
Created: Wed Oct 18 08:31:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/776x2x/im_so_done_with_sabotaging_myself/

[Discussion] October 18th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 07:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/776js1/october_18th_2017_question_of_the_day/
If you could have drinks with any living celebrity (or just person), who would it be?

[Help] Where have I gone??
/u/goawaychocolate [176cm | cw:70kg | hw:106kg | bmi:22.3]
Created: Wed Oct 18 07:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/776jg8/where_have_i_gone/
I don't know what's been up with me the past two months?! I've been binging like a monster and purging at least a few times every day. And I hate purging! Why can't I restrict anymore?! Like, I mean I was able to lose almost 40kg since December but these days I've been binging on upwards of 4000 cal a day! It's like I subconsciously want to go back to being a gigantic lump!
Help me! Please!
My toothaches are starting to really worry me.
How do you guys stop the binge cycle? Any advice would be very much appreciated ❤️

[Rant/Rave] get outta my head
/u/bellexy [5'8 | tubbalub | -20 | GW 118]
Created: Wed Oct 18 06:49:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/776b2e/get_outta_my_head/
(lol that reminded me of that [ashley simpson song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-bCN2ur3pg) )

anyway, total rant that you've already heard. you probably could have written this. i feel like a dweeb cause it's like a no-duh rant but whatever.

i am so tired of thinking about food. every second of every day. i think of food, what i'm gonna eat and when i'm gonna eat it,
how it will feel in my mouth, exactly how my stomach will feel afterward. (spoiler alert: i probably won't even wind up eating whatever it is.)

i daydream about food. i think about the salads and soups that i love. i fantasize over a particular burger i had at a restaurant a year ago. i imagine i'm eating nachos at my desk - just weirdly chewing nothing while i work on repair orders.

and i watch the clock obsessively.

i'll eat in fifteen minutes. and fifteen minutes pass and i'll wait til two to eat - when it's two o'clock i will definitely eat my apple. and then suddenly it's six o'clock and i still haven't eaten and i go home and i have some grapes before dinner and only eat half of my dinner that my husband made me so i can have dessert later and wind up feeling guilty about the stupid fuckin grapes so no dessert for me. or worse, i already fucked up by eating the grapes, let's inhale everything in the house.

i just want food to get out of my head.

can you believe that normal people *do not think about food this much?* HOW. how does that work. even when i was in recovery, all i thought about was food. how can someone just not think about it, just eat like a normal person without thought and be okay. teach me your secrets, oh sane ones, bless me with your knowledge (or lack thereof??? I DONT KNOW).

oh, and let's add on to this. I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT POOP. i don't want pooping to be a religious rite of passage. i don't wanna plan laxatives around my social engagements. i just wanna poop like a normal person who DOESNT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

and when you say it like, "oh yeah my favorite hobbies include imagining food in my mouth and then how awesome it'll be when i poop it all out. from gullet to toilet, that's my shit haha get it? my shit lol wait where did everyone go come back" but that's exactly what it is!!! how stupidly hilarious is that. well like funny and sad.


dear thoughts of food and post-food,

get out. go, shoo. bad brain. stop it.

love always, me.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 18, 2017
Created: Wed Oct 18 06:11:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7764gg/daily_food_diary_october_18_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday October 18, 2017
Created: Wed Oct 18 06:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7764bd/way_to_go_wednesday_october_18_2017/
This is the weekly achievement thread for October 18, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Other] UK PSA: New Covent Garden Soup
/u/fxckyouaurora [166cm|52kg|F24]
Created: Wed Oct 18 06:05:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/776380/uk_psa_new_covent_garden_soup/
just tried the vegetable arrabbiata one and it was amazing. half the carton is 95 cal. seriously. I might die. it doesn't even load up on salt either which is rare.


(sorry I'm kinda spamming, tell me to be quiet if you want)

[Discussion] Desk cycles
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Wed Oct 18 05:49:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7760kn/desk_cycles/
Does anyone have any experience with desk cycles? It’s low impact so not much calorie burn but it’s something plus could help manage some anxiety. I could pedal at home when watching tv, etc but are they pretty worthless for upping calories?

[Rant/Rave] New strategy to get back on track...
Created: Wed Oct 18 05:41:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/775zfd/new_strategy_to_get_back_on_track/
This is my first time posting here, have lurked on and off for a year or so. I'm not even sure I belong here, I've never been diagnosed with an ED, but I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food to say the least.

I'm 5'6" (167 cm) and about 60-61 kg (132-134 lbs) last time I checked. Female.

I used to weigh a lot more, years ago, but successfully got my worst habits under control and now here I am.

I recognize that I am at a healthy weight and don't look fat or underweight, but part of me still wants to just... feel smaller. I don't want to be technically underweight, but close to it, at least.

I calculated the lowest BMI I could be before entering the underweight range and that has been my goal for a long time now.

Well, enough of that. I've been toying with the idea of trying a new strategy for a couple months now. I have a lot of problems with binge eating (I don't purge though). Instead of having normal meals and bingeing when I am offered food from coworkers which leads to snacking on high calorie food later, I'm going to try to not eat unless offered food.

I don't know how realistic this is... maybe I'll just cave in after a day and go back to maintaining my normal weight.

But, I feel like it could work. I'll wake up, my partner often cooks something in the morning for us. I'll go to work, and... just won't eat unless someone decides to order takeout. If they don't, well, I can always justify a couple hundred calories of something to keep me going.

To me this almost makes sense because the kind of food cooked at home and ordered in during work are large portions and high calorie, so even if I only end up eating one real meal the whole day, that's probably a solid 800+ calorie day right there. Why bother adding on another two meals plus snacks to bump that to 1500+ calories? That's just maintenance and I've been there for over a year.

I mean, I'm not hoping to only eat around 800 calories per day, but it's almost like if I hit 1200, it just keeps going. This way, I may have some pretty dizzy, low calorie days, but it should be somewhat balanced out by the days where I'm offered so much food I hit 1200+ anyway.

God, typing this out makes me want to just delete this before I post it and forget the whole thing.

I miss the feeling of emptiness and knowing that I've controlled my own behavior, the stomach grumbles are like an audio cue that I'm doing the right thing... similarly, stuffing my face with sugar/carb/fat/sodium laden junk food until I feel ill masks my negative emotions for a short period of time, and too often I choose that over the longer-lasting relief of putting the fork down.

Vent over...

[Discussion] Has anyone else been binging for a week?
/u/carlems [5'2| CW: 101,8 | GW: 97 | -19]
Created: Wed Oct 18 03:25:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/775gfz/has_anyone_else_been_binging_for_a_week/
Please tell me I'm not the only one. Everyday at least 3000 calories or more and I'm afraid I'll never get clean from this mess. Has anyone binged for a long time and been able to get back on tracks after that?

[Help] Medication that makes you hungrier
Created: Wed Oct 18 02:56:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/775cok/medication_that_makes_you_hungrier/

[Help] Feeling extremely faint, causes??
Created: Wed Oct 18 01:57:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77559n/feeling_extremely_faint_causes/
Feeling extremely lethargic today to the point where I can't get out of bed without feeling dizzy and light-headed - I've eaten a sandwich and some carrots but have been restricting pretty heavily for a few months now and just wondering what might be causing this and what could help.

[Rant/Rave] Told my friend about my bulimia and trying to recover. So fucking pissed off.
Created: Wed Oct 18 00:47:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/774w0w/told_my_friend_about_my_bulimia_and_trying_to/
I did the most courageous thing I thought I could do to recover: I told my best friend I'm bulimic. She has been exhibiting some signs of a newly formed eating disorder and I really don't want her to go down that road. I've been warning her about the downsides of EDs without discussing my own, but I felt like I could have a greater impact if I could talk about my own shitty experiences with my 1.5 year stint with bulimia (it's been a nightmare).

I wrote this long text about how I'm bulimic, and I want to be a positive role model and be transparent so that they don't follow me down the same road. I hit send and needless to say my heart was beating as fast as it ever has. I felt the buzz of my phone and expected something positive with a "we'll get through this" attitude (my best friend is incredibly kind).

Instead, this was the gist of her text:
- why'd you tell me this late?
- I knew you had eating issues, but now you're puking and stuff?
- then finished off with I'm sorry about it

I was fucking pissed. I just laid my heart out on the line, not only for me but for her, and this is how she responded. I know it's not the worst, but am I wrong to feel angry because of it? I'm not trying to be controlling of someone else's emotions, but to start your response with why'd you tell me this late feels so damn insensitive to what I'm saying. Like I just told you I have eating issues where I fucking throw up all my food and you're worried about the time?

I don't know why I did this, and it feels like a mistake. I don't know what the point of this post was, but I needed to vent. :(

[Discussion] I [29M] have a skinny fetish. Confession.
Created: Wed Oct 18 00:23:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/774suo/i_29m_have_a_skinny_fetish_confession/

[Rant/Rave] So this happened today...
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 103 | 21f]
Created: Wed Oct 18 00:22:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/774sld/so_this_happened_today/

[Discussion] I’m terrified of Fat in food.
Created: Tue Oct 17 22:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/774bkq/im_terrified_of_fat_in_food/

[Help] constant stomach pains and nausea? tmi?
Created: Tue Oct 17 22:25:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/774aan/constant_stomach_pains_and_nausea_tmi/

[Discussion] let’s talk appetite suppressants
Created: Tue Oct 17 22:20:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7749ho/lets_talk_appetite_suppressants/

[Other] Told my closest guy friend about my eating disorder
Created: Tue Oct 17 22:12:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/774802/told_my_closest_guy_friend_about_my_eating/

[Discussion] Anyone else have trouble binging after a long period of restriction?
/u/grave_stoned [6'1" / F / CW: 163 / GW: 140]
Created: Tue Oct 17 21:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77401h/anyone_else_have_trouble_binging_after_a_long/

I always build up these special, amazing binges in my head while I'm restricting, but as soon as I get them all set up and waiting, I can hardly eat.

Like tonight, I've been dreaming about meatballs FOREVER, and I made a special trip to the store to get spaghetti ingredients to go with them. I was all set up with a MASSIVE bowl of spaghetti, the meatballs cooked in oil, butter, and all the seasonings I never let myself have; I tuck in with my favorite show on and I could barely get through 1/4 of it without getting dizzy and wanting to vomit. I've done this several times and it's always so disappointing, like I can barely succeed at restricting for so long, and then I can't even have the things I really want? What the fuck is wrong with my body dude, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? EAT OR NOT EAT? this is complete ass. It makes me nervous that I've possibly hit a point where my body can't handle normal amounts of food anymore, and that's scary. I'll probably just purge it because the calories weren't even worth it and that's all I'm fucking good at anyways. Anyways, rant over.

Does anyone have the same problem?

[Help] Help I just had a huge binge???
/u/cokesyrup [6'0 | CW: 173 | -35lbs | M]
Created: Tue Oct 17 21:23:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773yjq/help_i_just_had_a_huge_binge/

[Rant/Rave] Evening Binges
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 21:02:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773ubw/evening_binges/
Lately I've been trying to eat on the lighter side of normal, but it seems no matter what I ate during the rest of the day I always end up binging some time in the evening. I purged the last two days and just feel awful. I'm starting to wonder why I eat the rest of the day if it all ends the same anyway. Probably because I'd just end up bingeing twice a day. I'm so sick of myself. I'm glad I at least have this sub to rant to.

[Help] Ugh summer
/u/blondebynature [5'3" | CW: I'm scared of scales | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 20:51:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773s14/ugh_summer/
Hey everyone it’s been a while since I’ve been active but I’m having a bit of a crisis at the moment.
So it’s starting to get warm in Australia. Super warm. And normally I hate summer and having to go outside and sweating like a pig and so on. But usually I just suck it up and get super cranky for a few months. This week is different though, I’m so terrified of going out in public I’ve been avoiding it as much as I can. I feel too fat to be outside and it’s never been this bad before. Maybe it’s the added stress since my dissertation is due soon but I snapped at my boyfriend for offering to take me out for coffee (not even any calories involved). Does anyone have any advice on dealing with these fears? Or maybe clothing ideas where I can cover up but not overheat?
It’s been posted on here before but I feel too old to be dealing with these stupid insecurities. Thanks in advance, once again you guys are all so lovely and I don’t know what I’d do without you.

[Rant/Rave] Why must it be like this
Created: Tue Oct 17 20:47:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773rdm/why_must_it_be_like_this/

[Help] Tips for suppressing binges/cravings?!!
Created: Tue Oct 17 20:44:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773qoe/tips_for_suppressing_bingescravings/

[Help] how do i restrict without binging the next day? 😭 this has happened so many times :(
Created: Tue Oct 17 19:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773ehh/how_do_i_restrict_without_binging_the_next_day/

[Rant/Rave] I give up
Created: Tue Oct 17 19:28:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773ask/i_give_up/
We’re out of town. My calories are always a little higher when we’re away because we go out to eat, but I’ve been doing SO well, sticking to mainly veggies and an occasional roll of sushi. Today, I had vegan food. A salad, half a serving of vegan Mac and cheese...I was full but felt okay about it. I bought a piece of vegan banana bread to eat for dinner later that night. More than I usually have but I was feeling alright.

Until I took a bite of the banana bread, and my sister in law said “oh my god, stop eating already.” ONE. BITE. Aaaaand I’m never eating again. All her friends are here too and they all laughed and I’ve never been so mortified.

I want to cry. I really do. But I’m surrounded by people. All I know is that I’m done. I try to be normal. I try to eat on vacation like a real person. And I just get made fun of. I’m hurt, I’m embarrassed, and I’m NEVER eating again. Fuck.

Edited to add that I was also just informed that someone very close to me is on her deathbed and I’m not there. I feel sick.

[Other] Just feeling really sad over an honest comment
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Tue Oct 17 19:24:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/773a1j/just_feeling_really_sad_over_an_honest_comment/
It was soooooo cold in my classroom today that I wore a thin jacket all day and was shivering. One of my students ( on the spectrum) said "oh come on your not that skinny to be that cold" , but because of that I took it as sheer honesty . This individual says it how it is.

I'm just so upset and feel disgusting and so depressed.

[Help] Trying to get back in control
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 18:52:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77330n/trying_to_get_back_in_control/

[Rant/Rave] Ordering groceries online
/u/library-cat [5'6"| gross| GW??? | 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 18:35:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772z86/ordering_groceries_online/
Between my tiny college budget, lack of a car, and my indecision, grocery shopping is always A Production for me. It usually involves asking one of my friends to drive me to the store (which makes me feel awkward and guilty) and paying them back in beer or gas money or something. BUT I just started ordering groceries online (peapod specifically) and OH MY GOD I wish I had started doing this sooner. No more agonizing over calorie counts in the aisles, picking things up and putting them back over and over, or feeling embarrassed about how long I've been there. I can add/drop things from my cart as much as I'd like plus the nutrition facts are listed for everything so I can be as picky as I want. It's honestly a godsend. I feel like such a dork for being this excited about groceries but it's so great!!

Plus I really like online shopping so this satisfies that itch too. score!

[Rant/Rave] *pats booty* "The avocado goes right here."
/u/numba1chief_rocka [5'6" | CW 125 | GW 108]
Created: Tue Oct 17 18:34:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772z01/pats_booty_the_avocado_goes_right_here/
Or, as an alternative title: My boyfriend, the moron.

I've been painfully open with my boyfriend about two things since I've moved in with him 1) my dermatillomania 2) my eating disorder. And, let me tell you, I would sell my soul to Satan if it meant I could undo it.

It's not that he isn't supportive, he just doesn't know when to turn off his joke-y, sarcastic comments. I've told him ad nauseam that these two things are off limits because I'm very sensitive about them and those kinds of comments trigger me. But, still, he doesn't censor himself and that makes days like today that much more difficult. Days when I'm feeling stable and in control can take a 180 degree turn in a snap. They almost invariably do because despite my efforts to eat normally and stop restricting I still have horrible body image issues.

Fuck this fucking shit. It's making me reevaluate what is otherwise a great relationship that I want to be a part of. But the fact that he doesn't know when to stop poking fun (even when I've explained to him in gory detail what I'm going through) suggests a lack of empathy that should be a massive red flag.

[Tip] Bumblebee tuna packets
Created: Tue Oct 17 18:07:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772spx/bumblebee_tuna_packets/
Does anyone else buy those bumblebee tuna packets? They’re about 60-70 cal, 0 fat, and 12-14 grams of protein. I’ve found them helpful during times when I want to binge or when I’m getting annoyingly hungry. I usually can only eat half a pouch in one setting and I’ll save the rest for later.
They’re also nice to put in small salads and they come in versatile flavors. I love the Thai chili flavor.
I checked out the ingredient list, and it’s pretty simple and reasonable. They take a while to expire, so I’ve been stocking up!

I’ve also gotten salmon packets from a different brand.

Anyway, they look like [this](https://jet.com/product/detail/471d6f8688ba4d05996cba4c60721040?jcmp=pla:ggl:JD_cons_Gen_Grocery_a3:Grocery_Canned_Jarred_Food_Canned_Meat_Seafood_a3:na:PLA_786070974_46630713488_pla-290891994462:na:na:na:2&code=PLA15&pid=kenshoo_int&c=786070974&is_retargeting=true&clickid=02ed6f22-a7b8-429e-8b9c-130e5c652ddb&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1JbPBRCrARIsAOKj2Pm5Zh6UB6dBhgq2Uif2UTDNya88JkL7WNveZVcWs7eueq-yHBHxmgEaAtkaEALw_wcB)

Just thought you all should know!

[Discussion] October 17th, 2017 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:50:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772p86/october_17th_2017_question_of_the_day/
What’s the most valuable thing you own?

(Ugh sorry it’s so late everyone, I forgot to look this morning)

[Help] Website where you can find body pics of a certain type of body height/shape/weight?
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:49:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772p3j/website_where_you_can_find_body_pics_of_a_certain/

[Rant/Rave] insulted for being too tiny to have sex with
/u/sororityasian [5'4" | -5lbs | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772kgf/insulted_for_being_too_tiny_to_have_sex_with/
Last night I was talking to this grad student from school, and he kept pissing me off and upsetting me for some reason - since I'm so anti social at school it's a big step for me to even talk to people at school - and I just had an anxiety attack and went fucking psycho. I have a gone wild account that has about 1000 followers on it and I told everyone to just insult me because I was such in a bad mood that I needed to feel even worst lol.

Anyways I have a flat chest so it makes me look tinier than I am, but I do have a picture of my body that I still think to this day why the fuck did even bother posting it.

This guy was messaged me "youre so skinny and tiny why would anyone want to have sex with you". And basically all the other insults were about how small boobs were and how big my nipples were and for being a psychotic girl. I mean ya it sucks but I guess I'll take it because my ED head says I finally did something right lololol

[Rant/Rave] My boss invited me to lunch tomorrow
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:21:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772ixi/my_boss_invited_me_to_lunch_tomorrow/
I couldn't recover from a cold, I reacted badly to makeup remover and I had dental work done over the course of 2 weeks. I looked terrible. I have a high level position in my area. I showed up rather than calling in only to be called sickly. Now she keeps coming by and asking me how I am. She wants me to go to lunch with her tomorrow. I have no choice. She thinks I'm depressed and she's right. She thinks I'm falling apart and she's right. I have to eat a normal meal tomorrow. I don't want to be noticed anymore.

/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 114 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:16:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772hue/has_anyone_tried_these/

[Other] Day 1 of extended water fast. Will try to update regularly.
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772gm0/day_1_of_extended_water_fast_will_try_to_update/

[Help] Doing a 15 hour fast, can I have honey in warm lemon water
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 125 | 21.4 | GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Tue Oct 17 17:04:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772f83/doing_a_15_hour_fast_can_i_have_honey_in_warm/

[Help] Unable to fast?
Created: Tue Oct 17 16:56:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772dak/unable_to_fast/

[Rant/Rave] I'm never eating yolk again...
Created: Tue Oct 17 16:53:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772crf/im_never_eating_yolk_again/

[Discussion] How are you all feeling about the "me too" posts lately? (TW)
/u/thinandmint [5' | 104.2 | GW 95]
Created: Tue Oct 17 16:48:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/772bj2/how_are_you_all_feeling_about_the_me_too_posts/
Kind of off topic but seeing all the "me too" posts on facebook has got me thinking a lot about how sexual objectification and sexual assault play such a significant role in developing my eating disorder. I know everyone has their own reasons but it just makes me so mad that being objectified by society since day one has contributed to much of our suffering. What are your thoughts?

[Other] Well I guess this is a I effed up today thing idk
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'3"|110| 25F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 16:20:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7725f3/well_i_guess_this_is_a_i_effed_up_today_thing_idk/
I almost called up a psychiatrist today because my doctor recommended some for me (per my request bc this dr barely sees his patients but that's another story lol)

But at the last minute I decided I didn't want any help and that it would be pointless if I didn't want help so I closed that door on my ass

Yet my GI system doesn't think so and that hazy brain fog still lingers bc I broke my rule today to not purge on days I work

Who's in control now


[Help] my mom keeps buying junk food she won’t eat
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5'8" | 262.8 | 40 | GW:160 | 20F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 16:15:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7724as/my_mom_keeps_buying_junk_food_she_wont_eat/
this has been a problem for me since i started my ED behavior in high school. I would try to restrict and not eat junk but my mom was close to 400 lbs and ate ice cream every single night and chugged soda like it was nothing. my stepdad also bought junk constantly for my mom because it made her happy, but she wasn’t the only one eating it. can you guess who eats/are a lot of the junk food brought into the house? DING DING DING ITS ME.

a few years ago my mom got weight loss surgery and it sent me into binge/restrict mode IMMEDIATELY, i was terrified to have to get a surgery to correct my weight, i still am.

however, she lost the weight but junk food for me, my dad, and my brother still comes into the house. It is so fucking hard to keep to a calorie goal when binge-worthy food is literally crammed into my kitchen. i sometimes ask for specific food for myself (diet pepsi, granola bars, low fat yogurt, fruit i like) but who cares about your calorie goal when someone just bought 4 pints of rocky road ice cream!!

it’s just really hard, plus she’s excited that i’m losing weight, but she doesn’t believe me when I say I like almond milk or protein bars or low cal stuff.

i just don’t know how to ask for more low cal stuff &
i also don’t want her to know that i’m restricting bc she doesn’t understand my ED. sorry if this is rambly this just popped into my head and no one else would get it but y’all

[Help] losing weight more slowly at a lower bmi?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Tue Oct 17 15:29:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771thi/losing_weight_more_slowly_at_a_lower_bmi/
maybe this is a stupid question, but do you lose weight more slowly at a lower bmi/weight since you have less body fat to lose? i feel like i'm barely losing weight despite eating around 600/700 calories per day. sometimes i go up to around 1200 on the weekends (so 1-2 times per week), but still below my maintenance so idk. honestly what is this ridiculous amount of calculation we all do with calories and maintenance and exercise lmao

[Rant/Rave] "If you make me choose between my body and yours, you will lose"
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -41lbs | UGW: 117]
Created: Tue Oct 17 15:29:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771th8/if_you_make_me_choose_between_my_body_and_yours/
So. That actually came out of my mouth and I think I'm realizing how insane I sound right now.

This happened about 48 hours ago. I was in bed with the new guy in my life, blabbing about plans for the week and I casually mentioned that I was going to start a fast because I've been drinking like my body is 70% booze and my liver needs a break (in reality, I gained like, 8lbs and I've been hungover since August so I really just need to get back to restricting). Why did I do that. My comment made him concerned/angry/confused and he ultimately said something that amounted to, "That's a really bad idea. Anorexics do that. You're fine."

2. What?
3. No. You don't get to decide what I'm doing with my body.

So I let him finish his speech and I basically told him that he will lose if he tries to make me decide between seeing him and keeping my ED in my life.

We've talked since then and it hasn't come up but now I feel like that wasn't my brightest moment. I don't need someone on red alert right now, watching what I eat. I am still too far from GW to be slowed down, and I'm finally getting back to restricting after months of binge eating. It sucks dealing with this because I know what's going to happen. It will take another moment - maybe noticing my weight loss, or noticing that I'm not eating, or some comment or something that I slip up on - and he's going to make it a thing...and if that happens, I have to go. I can't risk being distracted.

This is such a lonely, awful life to live right now, but if I can just make it to GW, everything is going to be ok. I can just feel it.

[Help] CLA experiences?
Created: Tue Oct 17 15:26:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771snv/cla_experiences/

[Rant/Rave] Fucked up all my progress
/u/sadnddisordered [5'10.5 | 126 | 17.59 | -7 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 15:00:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771lyy/fucked_up_all_my_progress/
I got down to 126. Lost 7 pounds in under a week. I should've known it wouldn't last. Kind of binged all weekend - ate 1200 calories or less, but then drank at least 500, more like 1000 every day and now i'm back up to 130

And its not distributed obviously, its all in my stomach so i have the hugest potbelly and I got my period so that makes it even worse. I'm so bloated and hungry and disgusting. I keep having pizza for breakfast because I can't control myself.

I see my kind of boyfriend on thursday and i'm so scared for him to see me naked when I look this disgusting.

Sorry just needed to rant

[Discussion] Do you tell people about your ED/ What do you say if people ask?
/u/Kimstephaniejane [5'5" | CW: 124 | GW: 106 |F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 14:47:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771isv/do_you_tell_people_about_your_ed_what_do_you_say/
Generally, people don't bring it up to me, but after nearly 8 years those closest to me already know. I also feel as if the stigma, for me, has worn off and I'm generally able to just tell people the truth and shrug it off with minimal impact on either party. Do you guys have a different approach? I know its an extremely taboo subject so I'm interested to hear how else it is handled. :)

[Help] I have a huge pot of ramen cooking (WHY??) and I do and don't want to eat it...
Created: Tue Oct 17 14:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771ejn/i_have_a_huge_pot_of_ramen_cooking_why_and_i_do/

[Discussion] I stayed under 1100 calories yesterday
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 14:25:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/771d8z/i_stayed_under_1100_calories_yesterday/
Which is a miracle considering I got stoned before bed. Usually I wake up an hour later and binge on shit. I'm super depressed as I have a huge sexy Halloween party on Saturday and I don't know if I want to go. I feel like a sausage in my skin. There's no way... fuck. Fuck fuck.

Also do we have a recipe thread? For safe goods and flavor dupes? I think it's a good idea

[Rant/Rave] Unintended Consequences
Created: Tue Oct 17 13:46:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7713as/unintended_consequences/
So I became vegetarian for two reasons: one, to save calories from meat (seriously, I'm saving 200-400 cal/day just by cutting out meat); and two, because it's much easier to refuse food in social settings ("Oh no, there's nothing I can eat here, it all has meat in it! Y'all go ahead and I can have something at home.").

Unintended consequence: when I do try to order anything, all the vegetarian options are covered in cheese or rich sauces or avocado and just as high in calories as the meat-based dishes I'm avoiding.

I suppose I could go vegan, but that would make my life even harder as 200 of the 600 cal/day I actually eat come from fat-free cottage cheese and canned tuna.


[Tip] My new approach to suppress binges
Created: Tue Oct 17 13:41:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77129h/my_new_approach_to_suppress_binges/
I started a thing: I made 2 lists one for food that is worth it and one for food that isn’t.

Every time I eat something that I don’t like and that’s high in cal/ expensive (gotta save money bc I’m broke) and I don’t love it I put it on the list of foods that aren’t worth it. On the other hand if there’s something high cal i really love I put it on the worth it list.

I have to be brutally honest with myself but like that I noticed I buy groceries less impulsively and I’m less tempted to get something I won’t 100% enjoy. Also it helps to suppress my cravings. E.g. right now I’m thinking that a donut would be nice but donuts are on the ‘not worth it list’ so I remember how disappointed I was last time and I don’t want it anymore.

[Discussion] DAE have problems purging in public restrooms?
/u/dbk1982 [5'2" 35F |SW 215 | CW 208 | LW 140| UGW 115 ]
Created: Tue Oct 17 13:27:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/770ypd/dae_have_problems_purging_in_public_restrooms/

Having a hard time throwing up
Created: Tue Oct 17 13:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/770xq5/having_a_hard_time_throwing_up/

[Rant/Rave] Singing teacher called me fat
/u/futureskinnybitch123 [Height 167cm | CW 75.2kg | GW 50kg]
Created: Tue Oct 17 13:00:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/770rut/singing_teacher_called_me_fat/
Well not in those words but it was heavily implied. I just. I try so hard. And I had a blip last week that I'm still coming out of and I just hate how that's ruined things and I hate my stomach and my legs and my chin and my fat fucking arms I hate it all and I just want it all fucking gone. I fucking hate it all. She's making me perform at a concert at Christmas as well. I'm gonna try extra hard. I have time to lose a little right?

[Rant/Rave] I wish I had a REAL disease, like a drug or alcohol addiction
/u/LostBrokenAndAfraid [5"10 | CW 195 | 170 | - 70 lbs | M]
Created: Tue Oct 17 12:58:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/770rbl/i_wish_i_had_a_real_disease_like_a_drug_or/
Today's society seems so much more keen and sympathetic towards more "legitimate" problems like being addicted or having some other type of physical illness.

Eating disorders though? Nah, go fuck yourself. You just need to eat less!!! /s

If I could trade what I've got for something that's real, maybe someone would understand my pain.

EDIT: I'd just like to reiterate that I don't ACTUALLY want to have a drug or alcohol addiction. Both sides of my family have severe alcoholism problems, so I know the struggle because it defined my childhood. The point I'm making is that I'm frustrated that EDs aren't seemingly treated or taken as seriously as other problems like this. That was the crux of my initial post.

[Rant/Rave] And here i was all ready to start treatment...
/u/sp_600 [5'7🌻104🌻16.5🌻20f]
Created: Tue Oct 17 12:46:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/770oe8/and_here_i_was_all_ready_to_start_treatment/
I am getting ready to start intensive day treatment this week. I was feeling really hopeful and proud of myself for taking this big, scary step.
This morning though, my mom decided that she just had to start needling at me about it. She asked me “doesn’t anybody just decide to power through it” and implying that I would fail out of the program just like I flunked out of school.

I feel like an idiot for thinking for even a minute that I had hope. I am so angry at her for taking the wind out of my sails.

[Discussion] TMI poop questions
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11 | 115| 23.2| F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 11:49:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/7709nz/tmi_poop_questions/
Everything I eat goes right through me, even though its often small amounts at a time. If I don't purge after eating, less than 30 minutes later I have to use the bathroom and it's usually liquidy. I stopped abusing laxatives about a week and a half ago, but I never used them heavily, just whenever I had to eat in front of people and couldn't purge immediately. DAE experience this, too? What is causing this? Sorry for the gross question but I don't know who else to ask!

[Rant/Rave] I accidentally sent a super thin girl from my class a picture of my disgusting legs please shoot me :)))
Created: Tue Oct 17 11:43:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/770849/i_accidentally_sent_a_super_thin_girl_from_my/
I sent her a picture of my class notes because we have an exam tomorrow and I was sitting down and didn't realize you could see my naked thighs at the bottom and even a bit of my fucking stomach hanging over. There's some fabric covering my stomach but it's tight and black and it's so obvious that it's my stomach and it looks fucking disgusting. Especially sitting down it looks so bad. She'll notice it 100% and she'll probably show it to someone and everyone will make fun of me. I mean it's not like they don't know that I'm fat but now they get to see it up close lol that's so great :))

And I was actually kind of in a good mood today cause I got some schoolwork done finally and I had my first ~750 cal day after a bunch of 1200+ ones and now I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't even really have a fucking ED and I don't have the right to rant here at all but I just don't know any other place that would understand.. I'm fucking freaking out this is so stupid. If I was skinny I wouldn't care at all if my thighs and stomach were in a photo.

[Rant/Rave] Thank you all
/u/schoolgirlqt [5'6.5" |120lbs| BMI:19.1 |21F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 11:20:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/77027l/thank_you_all/
I felt so down about my body the other day with the guy I was seeing and the guy at the club both making comments on my body last weekend. I have been working so hard to recover, for me that is not counting calories or going hungry. I have made so much progress, after 5 years of EDNOS. I haven't reverted to counting cals and after MONTHS of eating 'til satisfaction, I finally have somewhat of a grasp on my hunger cues. I have muscle and an attractive/feminine amount of fat. I'm warm and have a sex drive. I don't obsess about food. I have a stable amount of energy and I'm totally cool with it (EC stacking made me manic and when it wore off I crashed).
I came so close to breaking down on Sunday... the GI issues didn't help. The comments on my post from the anonymous users on this sub reddit were so nice I could cry. Yesterday I skipped work, invited a friend over and decided to just "forget" about my body: that it didn't look good or feel good. I went to a comedy club and laughed and then had a healthy amount of sashimi, choosing tea over alcohol. I listened to my body.
This morning I was able to use the toilet without lax (HUGE deal for me) and can I say I look good and feel AMAZING.

I am so proud of myself for not giving in to the horrible coping mechanism that is an ED and substance abuse (stims, alc, lax). I am finally prioritizing me and my wellbeing and it feels so damn good. Recovery is a daily choice and it is NOT easy, but the further I get away from ed habits the happier life becomes.

Ugh, just, THANK YOU all so much for your support. I never expected this, especially from strangers lol. Thank you to everyone on proED that makes this space what it is. Love you guys and stay strong <3

[Discussion] Best low-cal breads?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | F | 🍑: shakylittleleaf]
Created: Tue Oct 17 10:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76zr70/best_lowcal_breads/
This weekend I'm going to have the opportunity to finally buy any bread type I want, without being chastised about "that's not enough calories!" and "why are you choosing that bread?" I'm very excited.

I've done some research and the lowest-cal brand I found are Healthy Life and Aunt Millie's, which are 35 cals per slice. Does anyone know if they're actually good? Or have any other recommendations? I'm in the US by the way.

[Intro] 🍑
Created: Tue Oct 17 10:32:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76zq3w/_/

[Discussion] Does anyone else get nauseous just thinking about eating food?
Created: Tue Oct 17 09:45:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76ze6i/does_anyone_else_get_nauseous_just_thinking_about/
I had an iced coffee this morning and I can’t even think about planning my next calories because I don’t wanna think about food

[Discussion] For those of you with ADHD and are on medication, has the medication worsened or improved your ED symptoms?
Created: Tue Oct 17 09:40:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76zctu/for_those_of_you_with_adhd_and_are_on_medication/
I was just started on Vyvanse yesterday for ADHD which my Dr. thinks is the primary source of my anxiety. With my ED I primarily restrict and exercise. My psychiatrist thinks that the Vyvanse will help my anxiety and will in turn decrease my ED symptoms. I'm skeptical because currently all its doing is decreasing my appetite.

[Rant/Rave] Saving my calories for something special
Created: Tue Oct 17 09:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76zc3x/saving_my_calories_for_something_special/
So, trying to restrict and I want to save my calories for something really special. But nothing is ever special enough. Nothing ever feels good enough. Those calories are precious. Today I ate 185 calories and none of it was worth it (1 plum, 1 fig, 1/2 a pot of soup). I don't want to go back to fasting because it makes me feel very drowsy and I have work to do.

I keep looking at food. Thinking about food. Reading cooking blogs. Nothing is good enough.

Why do I have to be like this?! Sorry for the rant.

[Help] Does this happen to anyone else?
/u/allthetinysquiggles [5'2" | CW: 155 | GW:118 | -11 | F24]
Created: Tue Oct 17 09:25:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76z9b8/does_this_happen_to_anyone_else/
I feel like I'm hardcore restricting at 600 kcal/day give or take like 50. That's my target. I'm losing about 1-1.5lbs a week, which seems just like a normal amount of loss for someone high restricting. And I go to the gym a fair bit.

Is it cause I'm short? And what will happen when I go to maintenance? Will my maintainance be like 1000? And do any tall people wanna trade me their height for a quest bar (or three)???

[Rant/Rave] DAE get an awful bitter-sweet feeling when they make huge progress?
/u/Kimstephaniejane [5'5" | CW: 124 | GW: 106 |F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 09:17:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76z6pq/dae_get_an_awful_bittersweet_feeling_when_they/
So I lost 6lbs this week. I've been travelling the country a lot, so I've been walking around cities rather than just lounging around my hometown. Due to this I've eaten very little and moved a lot. One half of me is happy about that weight loss but I know I lost it under irregular circumstances so a loss like that next week is highly unlikely and I can just see myself being disappointed in comparison. By making huge progress I up the pressure and then, I get demotivated when these fluke standards aren't a constant! Is anyone else this harsh on themselves/ that darn illogical?

[Help] Need advice to stop snacking at work
/u/naughtynugget [5' 3" | CW 113 | 20.0 | GW 110 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 09:03:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76z3fb/need_advice_to_stop_snacking_at_work/

[Goal] Down to 61.5 KG
/u/RossBoss95 [6'0 | 135 lbs | 19 BMI |22 Male]
Created: Tue Oct 17 08:10:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76ys4f/down_to_615_kg/

[Help] What sort of at home workouts do you do?
/u/xwer15 [5'5| 142.6 | -18| GW:100| F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 07:37:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76ykyh/what_sort_of_at_home_workouts_do_you_do/
I don't have access to a gym every day but I want to do workouts at home that don't always involve running. However I'm also paranoid about doing things like squats and abs because I've heard that if you're overweight but still do those muscle building workouts the muscle will build around the fat and you'll get that bulky look. Is that true? What at home workouts do you do?

[Other] Weight/fat distribution after gaining weight within an underweight BMI?
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 07:32:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76yjzn/weightfat_distribution_after_gaining_weight/
I dropped some more weight recently and noticed that my ribs and the bones in my arms and legs and butt are becoming so prominent that it's starting to gross me out and impact my daily life. After that my mind clicked from restriction to eating and I ate so much that I gained like five pounds and I'm up to around 102 lbs. :(

I have noticed that every time I gain weight, it's on my belly and when I lose, I lose it from my arms, upper torso and legs. I used to be a pear shape but several weight gain and lose cycles have left me with an awful fat distribution :( I look like a skeleton but have a jiggly gut. It's awful. But when I try to starve away the belly fat I only lose in the places I'm already emaciated and have nothing to lose.

From recovery forums I read that the fat will distribute when maintaing a healthy weight but I find that so hard to believe :( I was thinking of trying to maintain 102 now but because this is still underweight and below my natural weight I don't know if that's gonna be enough for my body to distribute the weight evenly... probably not...

Does anyone have any experience with gaining weight *only* on the stomach while still being super thin everywhere else? Is there any way to avoid this?
Gaining weight is so hard as it is but I feel like it would be easier to deal with if it spread evenly... Having this weird disproportionate body is worse than being slightly bigger overall.

[Discussion] Accurate, Cheap Scale?
Created: Tue Oct 17 07:03:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76ydty/accurate_cheap_scale/
Ever since moving in to my appartment, I've been going off the wall because I no longer have a scale. I bought one, but every time I step on, the weight varies, sometimes up to five pounds! And now it doesn't seem to turn on, so that's a bust...

I was wondering if you guys has any cheap (less than $30, pref less than $20) scales that are also accurate? Especially if they're available on Amazon. I'm going out of my mind worrying.

[Discussion] DAE family nag really insensitively
/u/misterrazorz [159 | 44.4 | 17.9 | a]
Created: Tue Oct 17 06:26:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76y6th/dae_family_nag_really_insensitively/
my mum basically stopped me to tell me 'your lips are too pale' and that if i keep 'eating yoghurt and soy milk' i will never 'recover' that really threw me. she said' you want to get better don't you, you want to be here with mum and dad, right?' gosh i feel so awful

what are some darned things people with whom you live have said to you?

What motivates you during fasting?
Created: Tue Oct 17 06:22:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76y5z0/what_motivates_you_during_fasting/

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday October 17, 2017
Created: Tue Oct 17 06:10:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76y3x9/thinspo_tuesday_october_17_2017/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 17, 2017
Created: Tue Oct 17 06:10:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76y3vy/daily_food_diary_october_17_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Fasting for the first time
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9 | CW: 177lbs | BMI:25 | GW:150lbs | 27F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 05:25:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76xwhs/fasting_for_the_first_time/

[Discussion] What are your weird ED habits / hobbies / coping skills?
Created: Tue Oct 17 05:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76xtor/what_are_your_weird_ed_habits_hobbies_coping/
So, when I feel like shit ( like after a binge this weekend that left me up 2 lbs 😭😭😭) I love watching videos on YouTube of people making disgusting food. Like, whole bag of cheese, entire tub of cool whip stuff that my vegan low-carb ED ass would never eat. And then I estimate calories per serving and how many servings the average person would have and i add in stuff like a glass of soda or a dinner roll and feel better that I have not eaten like that since I met ED.

Like this video:

[simply sara](https://youtu.be/lWKTyIlYxVE)

I feel like such a judgemental person. My ED makes me such an awful human being.

What are your weird hobbies and coping skills? How does your ED make you awful?

[Help] binging
Created: Tue Oct 17 03:58:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76xjbv/binging/

[Rant/Rave] Self sabotaging behavior... why?
/u/Che789 [5'8'' | CW: 110 | GW: 105 | -6 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 17 03:52:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76xils/self_sabotaging_behavior_why/
I ate over 2000 calories of brownies yesterday... and it made me feel like absolute shit. I was home alone, wasn't triggered or anything, but I just decided to bake some brownies and then mindlessly shove them in my face while watching the office

Now it's 4:45am and I'm lying in bed wondering why I did that. Why would I choose to do something that goes entirely against everything I've been working towards. Thinking back to when it happened, I can't remember a clear motive, emotion, anything, it's all foggy. Maybe my mind is dying. Anyways, I've never binged before really and I'm hoping to have this not be a recurring thing.

Anyone with some insight on this topic or related struggles?

[Intro] Hi everyone.
Created: Tue Oct 17 03:25:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76xewj/hi_everyone/
I'm a 23 yo woman living in rural America. I've had issues with my body image / eating habits since I was a teenager. It's fair to stay I've been struggling with anorexia for over a decade. It would be nice to find some sort of support here with people who ain't judgmental.

[Help] Spooky Scary Confrontation
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:56kg | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Tue Oct 17 02:00:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76x3v2/spooky_scary_confrontation/
'You need to gain weight,'

'You don't need to lose anymore.'

'You need to eat *this*'

'Why do you have to count calories?'

'You don't have to be so thin'

'You're not fat'

Dude fellas, when the words hit your ears, you clench. You're caught. How can you lie now? They fucking know! They can see it in your bones.

I'm a guy, I wanna be skinny like this girl and that girl. They don't get confronted in the middle of a meeting. Why confront me? Why guess my weight?

[Help] Scared of donating blood
Created: Tue Oct 17 00:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76wu4r/scared_of_donating_blood/
So I’ve decided to donate blood at my school’s blood drive and I’m scared that I’m going to binge. Last time I donated, I refused to eat and ended up fainting due to it. This time I’m going to eat a normal breakfast and lunch but the calorie counting aspect has hit me really hard. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to faint but I don’t want to binge afterwards. Are there any tips on eating normal without binging or feeling extremely guilty? I’m desperate for any help.

[Rant/Rave] "It's basically a drug addiction."
Created: Mon Oct 16 23:19:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76wgga/its_basically_a_drug_addiction/
I have a friend and I came out to him as having an eating disorder. He comes from a pretty wealthy family and really has no idea how the real world works. Anyway, I tried to be friends with him because he was a decent guy and his social skills were lacking so people kind of avoid him at my college. He noticed that I've dropped a significant amount of weight in the last month and I told him that I've been struggling with anorexia. He told me that anorexia is the same thing as a drug addiction. We argued for a bit and I told him what originally fueled my ED is growing up with two obese drug addicted parents, and not wanting to be like them. He informed me that must be where I get it from. I just can't. I'm so mad right now. This isn't an addiction. This is anxiety, depression and a slow suicide. I made the mistake of googling it and apparently a lot of people in the general public think eating disorders are an addiction. I feel disgusting. I really don't want to be lumped in the same group as my parents.

[Rant/Rave] Annoyed Rant + Plateau Advice
Created: Mon Oct 16 22:23:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76w77n/annoyed_rant_plateau_advice/

[Rant/Rave] Relapse/Recovery/away...
Created: Mon Oct 16 22:04:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76w3or/relapserecoveryaway/
I'm currently visiting family for the first time in months. I'm in a major relapse and this is a place where i am... Beyond encouraged, my family is basically forcing me to eat. I'm using it as a main incentive to continue restricting and fasting. I feel like a terrible person over it but it's such a push to lose weight. It's a lot more complicated than I have said but.. I'll use this thread to reach out.

[Help] Awful start of this week...
Created: Mon Oct 16 21:08:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76vt1q/awful_start_of_this_week/
I’ve had exams for the past two weeks so i barely had time to meal prep/ healthy eating. I ate whatever i wanted and today after having my last exam i came home in tears and binged on chocolate cookies...
who else is struggling to start this week?

[Tip] Vora app!
Created: Mon Oct 16 20:55:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76vqp2/vora_app/
Psa I just found an app called vora that let's you see a timer of your fasts and tracks them. It also let's you choose a goal amount of hours this is life changing.

[Discussion] Is it possible to keep low GI Diet low cal?
/u/TopCat1392 [5'4" |131.8| 23.07 😥|UGW:92.6 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 20:46:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76vovn/is_it_possible_to_keep_low_gi_diet_low_cal/

I'm going to try to come here every day
Created: Mon Oct 16 20:14:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76vimm/im_going_to_try_to_come_here_every_day/

[Rant/Rave] My coworkers are all starting diets WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD [Rant/Rave]
Created: Mon Oct 16 19:35:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76vafz/my_coworkers_are_all_starting_diets_wont_stop/
My one coworker started out last week eating 1200 calories a day and this week she told me she's going to eat only 500 calories two days a week and tried to explain to me how that's good for you because fasting makes the body reset. I'm over here like YEAH, TOTALLY HEALTHY. It's making me competitive and want to start restricting again too, I had been doing really well and not bingeing too much, logging my food but a healthy amount, slowly losing a little less than a pound a week and now I feel like I have to lose at least as much as anyone around me but really more. They're also just constantly talking about what they're eating and asking what I'm eating and drawing so much attention to the food that it's making me panic and feel like I want to binge in the bathroom stall. It's bad enough to try to quiet my own constant inner dialogue but to hear them too it's like deafening and exhausting.

[Rant/Rave] I'm up 17kg since April. 10kg of that is in the last 3 months.
/u/violence2tranquility [6'2" | CW: 79 kg | GW: 65 kg | M]
Created: Mon Oct 16 19:31:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76v9pr/im_up_17kg_since_april_10kg_of_that_is_in_the/
Every three months I donate blood. Since my last donation I am up 10kg, which takes it to a total of 17kg since April. To make it even more embarrassing, on their computer it lists "previous weight" and "current weight", so they've seen my weight balloon.

I've been looking at photos from earlier in the year. Back then you could see all my bones and veins. I took photos today and there is no more bone definition or veins. I just look soft and pudgy. I don't have good facial bone structure, so I need to be a low body fat otherwise my face looks grotesque.

I have 107800 calories to burn. I plan to kick start it by fasting for as long as possible and then eat around 1000 calories a day.

[Goal] Goal for Birthday
/u/Ladybeeortoise [5'6" | 109 |17.5 | GW: 105 | 34]
Created: Mon Oct 16 19:16:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76v6ki/goal_for_birthday/
Ok so yesterday was a shit show. I went out to lunch and ended up with free bottomless mimosas. I knew I would need to eat to maintain appearances so I ordered a blackened fish wrap and just ate the fish and lettuce out of it. I ate a few fries (ok most of what were on my plate) but here's the kicker- I had 9 mimosas. NINE fucking mimosas! Ugh.. I don't even want to calculate those calories.

Needless to say when I got home, I ate some more (at least they were safe foods). I was so disgusted with myself that I ended up purging. I purged all my safe food along with some OJ (yaay mimosas). Ugh. I'm such a fucking lush with no self control My goal was to be at my goal weight or below by my birthday next month. Fuck.

[Discussion] Does anyone else drink Kava tea?
/u/aetolica [5'4" | F | 31]
Created: Mon Oct 16 18:47:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76v0g4/does_anyone_else_drink_kava_tea/
I recently got some micronized kava tea to help with late night anxiety. It's been pretty helpful in that regard; a very subtle effect but I feel less anxiety when before I'd lay awake trying to breathe.

One side effect that I wasn't expecting is reduced appetite - like, I ate half a sandwich and stopped because I was full instead of eating just because it was there. If that had happened once, I'd think it was a coincidence. But it happened again, where I had only 3/4 of a meal. And today, half my lunch.

Note that I'm not restricting or ignoring hunger. I'm just not having the impulse to overeat or binge.

Curious what anyone else's experience has been. I'm hoping this miraculous side effect keeps up but I've had too many false hopes to believe it will help long term.

[Help] lost my period for a year and unprotected sex
Created: Mon Oct 16 18:42:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76uzjg/lost_my_period_for_a_year_and_unprotected_sex/
So it's been almost a year since I lost my period and my boyfriend forgot to use a condom last night, will there be a chance that I can still get pregnant?? I just took an emergency contraceptive Aftera but if I miss my period, does that mean I'm pregnant or is it still due to my restriction??

[Discussion] What will you do when you get to your goal weight?
/u/whatsupbuttercup5 [5' 3" | CW 108.0 | GW 95 | HW 124 | LW 98 | 25F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 18:39:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76uyrb/what_will_you_do_when_you_get_to_your_goal_weight/
I'll binge an entire pizza and an order of cheese sticks. Then maintain. What about you guys?

[Help] zero vs vora fasting app?
Created: Mon Oct 16 18:31:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76ux9f/zero_vs_vora_fasting_app/
I read about people using the zero fasting app, but when I searched it up in the play store all I could find is an app called Vora. Are they the same thing? Or is it only in the apple store?

[Tip] Spinach diet
Created: Mon Oct 16 18:22:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76uv58/spinach_diet/

[Discussion] What's everyone being for Halloween?
/u/Jtgonc [5'8 | CW : 166]
Created: Mon Oct 16 17:58:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76uq0t/whats_everyone_being_for_halloween/

[Discussion] DAE not get as hungry?
/u/pumpkin_boots [H:163cm | SW: 74 | CW: 66kg | GW: 48kg | BMI: 25.52 | Age: 22F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 17:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76upyp/dae_not_get_as_hungry/
At the moment I feel like I'm either starving after a 20hr fast and I've got the shakes and I'm nauseous (any tips to stop this lol?) or I'm just snacking for the sake of it. I've been under 800 cals the last week and honestly I haven't felt that hungry. I keep freaking out that I've forgotten that I've eaten something and didn't track it, or I didn't put enough calories in. Mostly when I've been bored I'll look for something to eat but even then I'm eating apples or slices of low-cal cheese or something.

[Rant/Rave] ew why does mcdonald's exist ffs
/u/seawardwaves [5'8" | cw~132 gw~115]
Created: Mon Oct 16 17:45:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76un4n/ew_why_does_mcdonalds_exist_ffs/
ah so my mum just came home and brought me a hamburger from mcdonalds bc she 'figured i might be hungry' and i know she's really trying to be nice but i just can't eat right now. i can't. and now this burger is sitting in front of me and i feel bad throwing it out? i'm not gonna cave. it smells good but i'm not gonna. but i can't throw it out without her noticing.

this morning she asked me if i was actually eating. bc in the last little while i've turned down food a bunch of times to the point where it's frustrating her for some reason. and i'm already up like 2 lbs from eating a shit ton with my bf over the weekend so idkkkkkk what to do ugh send help

[Rant/Rave] "have you tried healthier ways to lose weight?"
Created: Mon Oct 16 17:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76uf53/have_you_tried_healthier_ways_to_lose_weight/
Been doing a thing recently where I am telling some trusted friends honestly how I am doing, that I am restricting and that it can take its toll. My BFF's first response was, "Hm. Have you tried any healthier ways to lose weight?" I was so floored I didn't even know what to say. I'm not mad at her because she honestly thought that would help/was trying to help, but it really opened my eyes to how little people know about eating disorders. It makes it hard to talk to people also knowing that so many immediately jump to problem-solving mode. Even after I told her I did 4 months of regular counselling just to work on it and that I relapsed after a breakup, this was her first response. What did she expect me to say? "Oh my gosh, you are so right! I never even thought of ______ (insert exercising, yoga, healthy eating, etc)! Gee thanks for the advice I am 100% ok now and will be right on back to normal eating!" It's hard cause I didn't have the energy to open up the can of worms of why her response wasn't helpful aka get into the realities of an eating disorder and now I feel alienated from her, also not wanting to open up more. Just a little rant. How can people be so insensitive sometimes??!!?!?!?!
TLDR People know nothing about EDs and can be very insensitive when you open up to them.

[Discussion] What do you do to get back on track?
/u/gayishfish [5'7" | CW: embarrassing | BMI: high | -9 lbs | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 17:06:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76uelu/what_do_you_do_to_get_back_on_track/

[Tip] 30 cal Kool-Aid
/u/water_77 [170cm | 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 16:50:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76ub57/30_cal_koolaid/
I just found out about this. I didn't know this was a thing. There's a box of clear pouches of 30-cal berry kool-aid that I didn't know about! It's made with Stevia that's why. So if you're craving something sweet there's your answer. And if you don't like Stevia, regular old Kool-aid is 60 cal so either way it's all good :)

[Rant/Rave] You know what’s fun?
Created: Mon Oct 16 16:26:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76u5pv/you_know_whats_fun/

[Discussion] Anyone else feel like they know when to stop?
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 113| GW 105| BMI 16.45| 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 16:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76u27j/anyone_else_feel_like_they_know_when_to_stop/
I know I'm underweight currently, but it's not affecting my health in anyway nor do I look scary thin.

I know that I will stop at my goal weight. I know that I won't go less than 100 pounds because A) I don't want to look like a literal skeleton and B) I don't want to die (not this way, at least).

I'm not going to be like those girls who look like bones with skin stretched over. I'm certain I’m not going to be like that. I know when to stop.

[Help] Is this going to work??
Created: Mon Oct 16 16:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tzr7/is_this_going_to_work/

[Help] Feeling disgusting and used (NSFW)
/u/kaliolis [5'4 | CW: 51.1 KG | GW: 40 KG |19.4 | WL: 18.9 KG | F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 16:00:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tzkz/feeling_disgusting_and_used_nsfw/
Don’t really want to make this story all long and complex so here’s a really short summary: Set my Tinder up with a friend for the sake of the banter and irony, expected fuckboys messaging me, ending up actually using the app to boost my self esteem then I actually started talking to this one guy who is the most decent if not the only interesting guy out of everyone. 2 weeks in after all the suggestive flirting and sweet banter we’ve shared with each other, we met up and long story short we decided to make things official and get to know each other more as a couple.

Now, since we have had heart to heart convos with each other, he does have a vague idea of my eating disorder and offered to help out as I am “recovering”. It was really sweet of him and in all honesty I was slowly falling for this guy because he was an overall amazing person.

However, earlier we were flirting a bit and things got a bit out of hand soooooooo I helped him get off by talking to him over the phone and sent wanking material for him (picture of my bum)

It was great hearing him basically get off because of me but when we ended our call I just felt so disgusted with myself? I can’t exactly blame him because I have been teasing him a lot but I literally could not even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like crying? I thought maybe if I ate something I would at least feel better but instead I actually have no desire to eat at all as I just feel like this relationship is going to be based on sexual attraction now instead of the emotional connection that I absolutely need at the moment. I hate myself so much for getting so worked up on this but I can’t believe I sent pictures of my body to this guy who I basically just liked because of the attention he’s been giving me and now I just feel so taken advantaged of.

[Discussion] DAE start to go into binge mode if they eat something unplanned for?
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | 87.8lbs | BMI 16.06ish | GW: 87lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 15:48:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76twsa/dae_start_to_go_into_binge_mode_if_they_eat/
So for the past two days there has been free food at work. I work at a desk in a college setting, so I really don't ever have to deal with this...but oh my god. Someone was being nice and brought a huge amount of donuts and muffins from dunkin donuts to the desk. They're being kept in the back so employees can eat them whenever.

I did amazing yesterday. I didn't have any of it. Then, today, I felt so faint and hungry. I had 1/2 a blueberry muffin. I was so pissed immediately after I ate it.

It's been two hours now and I've been fighting off a very strong urge to binge. My total intake for the day is at about 620 calories including the muffin. I never eat at work. I also don't allow myself to eat muffins from dunkin donuts because they are so high calorie. I feel like my day has been ruined. This definitely has triggered me into wanting to say fuck it and bingeing.

Currently I'm staying strong. But does anyone else ever get like this? This is why I stick to a very strict schedule every day and only allow myself certain specific foods. Otherwise I always panic and go overboard.

[Discussion] resisting the urge to eat at night?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18| f | 22]
Created: Mon Oct 16 15:47:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76twe7/resisting_the_urge_to_eat_at_night/
how do you guys resist the temptation to eat late at night? when i lived in a dormitory, it was easy to not eat after the dining hall closed at 8 p.m.; now i live off-campus and justify eating 100-200 calories after dinner since my total for the day is almost always less than 1,000. it makes me feel like i'm not losing the weight i gained on maintenance fast enough, i hate the feeling of going to bed full, and i feel like i barely have an e.d. if i'm just...eating at night when i'm hungry. maybe it's just a question of self-control. maybe i just need to find that iron willpower that i had last year.

[Rant/Rave] I am so so fucking done with this
Created: Mon Oct 16 15:32:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tt3e/i_am_so_so_fucking_done_with_this/
I just can't stop. I hate this ED so much and I want to stop but I don't know how. I'm between doctors, my files are god knows where and I don't know when I can get help. I also still kind of feel like it's not a 'real' problem. My family have no idea and they make me eat food with OIL all over it but I feel SO guilty because I don't want to eat the food they make. A while back I was eating about a tablespoon full of vegetables per day and now I'm binging every fucking day. I used to purge, I don't anymore. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am not joking when I say I literally have no one I can talk to about this. I have to get through tomorrow then I start work then at least I will be distracted. I just don't know if I can do it. I have gained so much weight recently and I don't think I can stop. I'm terrified of being fat, my whole family are thin. My family make comments about 'fat people'. What if that becomes me? I'm so lost and I don't know where else to post this. Thank you if you read it.

Reading back over this, it's so negative and sad and horrible, but I just need to vent. I had to eat a plate of food covered in oil for dinner, and it just tipped me over the edge and then I binged.

[Discussion] Anyone else's perception of a 'binge' change over time?
Created: Mon Oct 16 15:22:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tqpj/anyone_elses_perception_of_a_binge_change_over/

[Discussion] Low calorie alcohol?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | shame | idk | ~64lbs | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Mon Oct 16 15:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tn9h/low_calorie_alcohol/
Sorry for spamming this sub all the time buutt I love you guys 😣

Basically im turning 21 tomorrow


Im just wondering what are some low calorie drinking options. Gotta stock up on some recipies now

And also be prepared for if I ever actually make any friends to go to bars with :'-)

[Tip] My three miracle to curb appetite
Created: Mon Oct 16 14:40:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tg2m/my_three_miracle_to_curb_appetite/

[Rant/Rave] I have to face a demon next week.
/u/snaafuuu [5'3| 192.6 | 35.06 | -12.2 | 22F]
Created: Mon Oct 16 14:31:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76tds3/i_have_to_face_a_demon_next_week/
In February my best friend and I had a falling out, and she made our mutual friends choose between us. Most of our friends came from her side in the first place, so I lost my entire support group in days.

I'm going to a party on the 28th where I'm going to see one of the girls who chose my other friend. I really don't blame her, they were best friends way before I came into the picture. But it's going to be like seeing a ghost, like an extension of the girl who ruined my life.

She knows I have an ED and it's such a dirty secret for me, she's 1 of 3 that know. I just want to starve and wither and maybe some thinness in my face will make me feel better facing her. It's dumb but I'm trying to cope and it's not going well.

I just needed to rant, sorry.

[Goal] I don't know if I want this anymore..
Created: Mon Oct 16 14:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/76taaf/i_dont_know_if_i_want_this_anymore/
I'm overweight. No doubt about it. But I've lost 70 pounds in about 5 months on 1200 a day. Why did I change it?
(I eat <500 a day now)
I understand how my ED works. I know that whenever I exceed 650 I start hating myself - but I don't think I want that anymore.
I looked in the mirror today and I saw someone I didn't recognize. My undereyes are purple and my lips are more chapped than I could ever imagine.
I didn't know hairloss could happen if you weren't underweight - but a big chunk of my hair sloughed off in the shower.
I joined the subreddit 'loseit' with the intention of getting to a healthy weight in 2 years or maybe more.
Why am i doing this? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to only leave the house in sweatshirts with leggings because I hate