[Rant/Rave] Still in pain but I have a plan for the near future.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 17 00:26:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrzeh/still_in_pain_but_i_have_a_plan_for_the_near/
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I am on mobile so please flair as rant/rave.

I post earlier about being in a lot of pain. I am still in a lot of pain and tmi but I have yet to have a post binge bm which usually happens after I binge and take laxatives. I took between 8 and 12. I don't really remember how many. Two different brands one was a generic from safeway and the other was ex lax brand from Kroger.

The pain kept me from eating. It also really made work more difficult. I kept getting pissed off at customers for stupid fucking reasons. I work back of house so I don't interact with customers but when it's busy and so many orders deviate from the menu I put so much time into memorizing and I have to remake stuff it really affects my mood. A lot is also being I am bitter I can't enjoy food like normal people.

Some background. I work at a vegan "greasy spoon" type restaurant so we do a lot of breakfast stuff. Burgers and sandwiches and a few other things. I guess we are a bit of a unique fixture in the city. I love veganism but I also feel kind of ashamed when I see obese and really overweight vegans. I guess I am just also discussed by obese and overweight people. I don't think of them as lesser so much as people I don't want to be around because they seem to be kind of a fringe group in society.

Sorry that was a short rant.

So taking laxatives is not a great idea and I need to stop because otherwise I will cause worse damage than I have because I've been taking them off and on for years and my colon could become paralyzed.

Purging isn't very good either because I have cause some damage to my esophagus and could only make things worse. It is really painful. It's been three weeks since I have and I want to keep being purge free.

I am entertaining the idea of fasting with breaks where I try to restrict for a day or two. If I eat 500 calories a day I could theoretically lose 4 pounds a week by some calculators. If I eat nothing for most of the week and allow myself one or two days of 500 to 1000 calories maybe I could still lose weight?

I keep brainstorming semi enjoyable and safe foods I can eat for days when I do. Salads without dressing, steamed veggies or raw veggies with a little bit of hummus come to mind. Not a lot of opportunity to get in comfort foods.

I am also considering trying my eventual goal of eating very little and leaving more on my plate. Take a few bites then just push the food around. I feel like I read somewhere you only really taste the first three bites or so anyway. So if I eat fractions of what's on a plate and drink more water I guess I can practice this.

I am nervous because in a few weeks I will be flying to DC for my SOs birthday and there will be three days or so I am expected to eat and I hope to keep at a deficit for those days and eat no more than 1000 to 1200 calories which still seems like a lot considering I'm supposed to be fasting. I am not sure what vegan options will be available. I also know my SO struggles with binge eating and I don't want to get caught up in their behavior nor do I want to arouse suspicion.

They struggled with their weight for years as well and also have PCOS and have trouble losing weight. She lost 50 pounds than put it back on. A part of me hope that she can lose weight eventually because we have talked about kids in the future.

It's super fucked up that I almost wish she was as disordered as I am. I know I'd wish this on no one but I feel like she always makes excuses and eats healthy sometimes then eats garbage.

Maybe she can healthily lose weight. I love her a lot and want to be with her but my weight and disordered eating has always been a strain on our relationship because for a few months I refused to eat with her or go out to eat and I also lied about eating by myself and then was guilt ed into eating with her.

This post is all over the place I guess I just needed all of this out. Judge me or comment. I feel awful. I feel like a shitty person.

I just want to get to my goal weight of 105 -115lbs and hover around there forever and always be underweight. I want people to worry about me eating enough and I want people to care but I also want to be recognized as being skinny. I want to be envied and desired.

I am sick. My stomach still hurts. I wish I could just be "naturally" skinny and underweight and I feel like so far over half my life has been wasted being disordered but having none of the benefits of thin like other anorexics.

I just hate existing. I hate myself.

I don't know how to end this. It was all over the place. I am sorry.

Willow.

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[Intro] I'm new here...
/u/thatgirl115
Created: Sat Jun 17 00:24:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrz6z/im_new_here/
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Hey all, I'm new to not only Reddit but this page as well. I've been in and out of treatment centers for the last 3 years with multiple relapses, and I'm currently in a relapse. I wouldn't necessarily call myself "proED" or "proana" because I don't encourage eating disorders at all considering I've been in treatment and I know the dangers and what not and blah blah blah. But I just find this page interesting and my ED is like hey join this page it will help you stay accountable for losing weight. It's messed up we're all messed up lol. Anyway. I'm 5'8" and my current weight is 128. My lowest was like 107 or something around there, and my goal weight range my treatment team has for me is between 130-140 which o disagree with but whatever. I'm trying to get to a low weight again before even thinking about going to treatment again. Love to all!

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[Discussion] EC Stacks and Crashing
/u/IM_POOR_SEND_CASH [5'0 | SW: 155 CW: 140 LW: 102 | -15 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 23:41:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrtjp/ec_stacks_and_crashing/
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I just got back into restricting after binging for a week and so I tried EC Stacks for the first time today.

Half a pill of Bronkaid and 100 mg caffeine at 2 pm, then another at 6. I'm crashing so hard right now. It works wonders but I just broke down crying after I got flamed in a game, and I'm usually not that sensitive.

I wasn't ready for this crash at all, does anyone do anything in particular to make the crash not as bad?

EC stacks are amazing though, all I've had today was half a container of yogurt. 60 calories compared to my previous 3000 :)'

Edit: I may have somewhat seriously mentioned suicidal tendencies to a friend and now I'm freaking out.

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[Goal] Goal: not going to weigh myself until next Saturday.
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F 🌱]
Created: Fri Jun 16 23:31:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrsaa/goal_not_going_to_weigh_myself_until_next_saturday/
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So that I can eat normally (is this what normal is????) today for my birthday and get back on track this week with restriction and when I step on the scale next it'll be like today didn't even happen ✨

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[Rant/Rave] RAW
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Fri Jun 16 22:37:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrkxu/raw/
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I am DONE! FINE FUCKING DONE! Apparently I will binge on almost anything! I am making the final full transfer to raw veganism starting now. fruits and veggies are the only things I can eat without almost killing myself. I'm done.

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[Help] B/P'ed twice in three hours.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 21:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr70t/bped_twice_in_three_hours/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I prevented a binge
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr4zo/i_prevented_a_binge/
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I already ate half my body weight in Chinese food today, but I was cleaning and found a bag of chips and spent a looooong time walking around rationalizing why it was okay to eat them, and a sandwich, and a yogurt, and some fruit, etc etc, at 10pm, lol. I seriously *felt* my mind rooting around trying to come up with new reasons why it was okay after I would mentally say no, that's ridiculous and not a good reason to eat that much.

So instead I drank a lot of water and had a sugar free popsicle and I'm going to bed. No more cleaning. Lol.

Good night everyone, I love you all, you're gorgeous and strong and you can do anything. Kisses

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[Rant/Rave] I am getting back on track tomorrow.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr3lv/i_am_getting_back_on_track_tomorrow/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I always fuck up when I get close
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:40:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr34i/i_always_fuck_up_when_i_get_close/
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When I was about to hit the 120's I fucking binge for a month and gain 20 pounds. Now I've been trying to get into the 130's. This morning woohoo I'm 139.9, but I just binged and I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm going to purge later even though I told myself I wouldn't

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[Rant/Rave] ugh
/u/crimsonheadache
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:28:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr19z/ugh/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] ANGER
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 144|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 19:49:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hquvt/anger/
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https://i.redd.it/v72jk38z244z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Just binged so hard
/u/bomb_dot_calm [5'3" | CW:130lbs | 23.0 | HW: 139 LW: 119.8 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 19:13:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqoe8/just_binged_so_hard/
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I fell off the wagon after my long distance bf visited last weekend and today I binged so hard on cheeseburger and French fries from five guys (damn you post mates.....). I feel so stuffed and sick and I have plans to workout tomorrow morning but it feels like I'm never going to get out from under this.

Please tell me it's possible to say this is the last time, tomorrow I'm back to eating in line with my goals.... I feel like every time I promise to myself I fall off even harder lately

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[Discussion] Help me remember this ED show?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqh6o/help_me_remember_this_ed_show/
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[deleted]

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[Other] The grossest thing my ed has made me do video
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:26:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqg9o/the_grossest_thing_my_ed_has_made_me_do_video/
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Reddit will be in part two! Thank you for all your help friendships [the grossest things my ed has made me do](https://youtu.be/ra00-fYTb3g)

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[Discussion] Anyone else find they can drink a monster and not eat for 4+ hours?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:22:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqfiz/anyone_else_find_they_can_drink_a_monster_and_not/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finally a good day
/u/ED2134 [168cm | fat | female| -10kg]
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:18:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqeta/finally_a_good_day/
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I have a hell of a couple month behind me. a lot of emotional stress and a lot of binging.

BUT today was the first day i stayed under 700 cal. first good day in over 4 month. it is time to get back on track!

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[Rant/Rave] It's so hard to try and fight depression through socializing while still trying to restrict
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:33:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq6p7/its_so_hard_to_try_and_fight_depression_through/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] How many calories does an emotional roller coaster burn?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:21:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq4fm/how_many_calories_does_an_emotional_roller/
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So many highs and lows even in just one day. My lows hit during the day and then I get that bursting high once the sun goes down. Ready to throw myself out the window at noon and having a 90s club dance party alone in room at midnight. ^PS. ^I've ^never ^been ^clubbing ^but ^have ^been ^dying ^to ^go ^and ^have ^no ^friends ^and ^pls ^someone ^take ^me ^to ^an ^80s/90s ^night.

Every day I question the validity of my thoughts and feelings because I see the same situation so differently throughout the day.

I have a month left in my current place before I move back to the states and I sense a wide range of emotions smacking me in the face until then.

Of course, since I can't control my emotions, I try to control what I eat. As if weighing out my oatmeal puts the universe back in order for a while. ^But ^it ^totally ^does

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[Discussion] some thoughts about getting older
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:18:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq3vx/some_thoughts_about_getting_older/
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I can see 30 from here, and honestly, that number on its own doesn't mean much to me. But I can also see fine lines, and a perpetually tired look on my face. I don't get carded for alcohol or cigarettes anymore. It's made me think a lot about my ED.

I had my last session with my long time therapist last week and I made a joke about how I don't even do basic self care aside from taking good care of my skin. She was just like, why? Why do you care? And without even thinking I went into a thing about how I am acutely aware of how other people treat me. I am extra sensitive to rejection. I am going to stay as conventionally attractive as I can for as long as I can because people are nicer to me and people scare me and I will go to great lengths to make the basic reaction to *me* more positive. It's a weird kind of vanity I guess.

I have nice skin, but I'm still fat. There aren't really any aspects of neglecting my skin that give me great pleasure, like sabotaging my restriction (with binge eating) does. And like nice skin is my happy little safe place at this point because in reality it's like nice skin on a pig and I try to feel pretty with makeup etc and I see a picture of myself and wonder why I'm taking the time to put fuckin highlighter on a pig.

I just wish weight was some other minor vanity point like moisturizing. But instead it's everything and I'm so upset and fat and if I'm still fat in 5 years I'm afraid of how I will feel. I've never been beautiful but apparently my entire self image has been "cute young girl" and I'm not cute and I'm about to not be young and where am I gonna be? Idk I'm just scared.

if anyone made it this far ty because you are a reason I feel slightly less alone right now <3

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[Other] This makes me sad, but it also won't make me stop.
/u/-novaterra- [174cm | 67Kg | i wanna be 58 again :( |]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq3my/this_makes_me_sad_but_it_also_wont_make_me_stop/
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https://i.redd.it/w0xlmrxjb34z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I got a stomach virus. Why am I so happy?
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:05:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq1hw/i_got_a_stomach_virus_why_am_i_so_happy/
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Have spent the entire day being ill and not able to eat or drink anything at all. At this rate, I might actually hit my weight goal. I'm physically so miserable, but I can't help but feel really happy about this.

I am so completely fucked up. Why am I like this?

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[Rant/Rave] In so much pain right now.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:00:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq0nn/in_so_much_pain_right_now/
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On mobile flair as rant/rave.

Yesterday I binged and it's been 24 hours or so since I ate anything and I still feel bloated and heavy and my stomach hurts so much. I probably took ten laxatives or so because I was scared to purge and so here I am at work. Two hours into my shift in lots of pain. I couldn't eat if I wanted to and I definitely don't want to. It's like my body is taking its revenge out on me for binging and fasting so much.

I just want to lay down and try to rest but it is the first day of my work week. I am committed to fasting and trying to make up for my binges.

Also some girl used my personal coffee cup at work which pissed me off but I'm too coy and passive agressive to say anything.

I hurt so much and also I just have brain fog like I feel slightly slower than I usually am and feel like my coworkers hate me.

I am just not in good heads pace right now.

Send love and good vibes.

Willow.

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[Rant/Rave] When your Reddit homepage
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 16:49:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpyg4/when_your_reddit_homepage/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ate dessert last night :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 16:19:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpsoe/ate_dessert_last_night/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "what do you feel like eating?"
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Fri Jun 16 16:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpr0r/what_do_you_feel_like_eating/
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my girlfriend doesn't understand my eating disorder, which I'm thankful for, because that means she doesn't have one. unfortunately, that also means she brings me food because she knows I haven't eaten, she asks me if I've eaten, and worst of all, she asks me what I'd like to eat. I am avidly against lying, so I always answer her questions honestly, I honestly tell her I will try but probably won't eat the food she brings me, but the thing she doesn't necessarily understand is that I may be extremely hungry or woozy, but I can't have anything to eat. she asks me, "what does your body want, even if your mind doesn't?" nothing. I try to think of foods that I could consume, but when I think about food, I get nauseous. I just can't do it, okay???? I want to make her happy, but I can't even hug her unless I'm empty. the anxiety is too much. this isn't my choice. I wish I could be okay with being 121 lbs, but I'm just not. I'm just fat. I'm disgusting.

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[Rant/Rave] anxiety is one helluva appetite suppressant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:57:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpo5d/anxiety_is_one_helluva_appetite_suppressant/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ugggghhhh
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:51:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpmti/ugggghhhh/
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I haven't been able to keep much down since my successful few days in high restriction, and then I had issues with my kitchen so my safe meals weren't available. And it has been a b/p fest for over a week. My weight hasn't budged, which I guess I'm not surprised by. I just found out that this should be changing around next Tuesday, so that's helpful. I just won't have much more time living on my own with no one around who knows about my ED much longer after that. I work from home so it's pretty hard to hide, but at least it will keep me from binging and purging.

I just feel gross and tired and useless. I just want to be functional and busy and thin again. I've noticed a little change since I discharged from treatment, which I'm grateful for, but I want to be less than this. I want to be invisible like I feel some days.

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[Help] Weighed at Outpatient??
/u/vhenah [5'7 |CW: too much | 20.95 | -86.4 | MOO]
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:45:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hplp6/weighed_at_outpatient/
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To make a very long story short, I was admitted into the psych ward in Mid-May for my issues with depression and anxiety (and wanting to die oops). When I got out, they referred me to an outpatient facility and in both places I was honest about having an ED because I know it can influence the meds I can take and the therapists are of course psychoanalyzing me so they might as well have the whole story right?


ANYWAY, MY DUMBNESS ASIDE....they weighed me today at outpatient, saying my insurance wants my height and weight. I don't believe them though, because I'm hella paranoid whaddup. And now I'm just kind of stuck between wanting to restrict more now that my meds have gotten my b/p under control and feeling like I have to maintain just to seem like I'm 'okay' or healthy. I know they can't force me to do anything or go to inpatient, but I'm more scared that they'll tell the people I listed as 'allowed' to call in and ask how I'm doing?? Idk. I'm probably being dumb but has anyone else had an experience like this??

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[Other] I've been really good up until today.
/u/forgottenneopet
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:04:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpd0u/ive_been_really_good_up_until_today/
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Long story short, I've always had problems with my weight.
I wouldn't say that my disordered eating was ever that extreme, but it did hinder my social life and caused me great anxiety at times.
It did get me from 185 down to 130 a few years back.

Fast forward four years after moving away for college, finding a stable relationship, and being happier in general...I've basically gained it all back. I always said I would kill myself if I ever got that big again but hey! here I am.

What really woke me up and make me realize I need to weigh myself again was when none of my clothes fit. I wanted to wear something cute on memorial day, but had to resort to wrapping a big scarf around my lard ass like a skirt. I thought it was as cute as I'm gonna get. At my family cookout my grandma noticed and actually said "So are you going to buy a whole new wardrobe, or just stop eating? It would be cheaper to stop eating".

I'd say I've lost 10 pounds since then, although I am trying really hard not to obsessively weigh myself like I used to. My boss served us pizza and cookies for lunch today so I came home and purged. *sigh*

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[Help] Could someone please link me a good TDEE spreadsheet?
/u/Elope
Created: Fri Jun 16 13:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hotr3/could_someone_please_link_me_a_good_tdee/
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I lost my phone and now I need to start over :(

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[Other] I lost 4 pounds in 3 days. (Trigger warning)
/u/raspberryfleur [5'6 | 117 | 18.9 | -52 | Female]
Created: Fri Jun 16 13:28:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6horu5/i_lost_4_pounds_in_3_days_trigger_warning/
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And for once I'm not proud of myself. Ever since Saturday night I haven't been well. I was drinking and smoking with some former friends of mine. One of them got up and left, leaving me alone with the other.

All I remember is me going to his room and he tried to rape me pretty much. Kissed me all over, forced me to take my shirt off. Tried to get my pants off too. Being on my period is what pretty much saved me from having anything worse done to me. I got out as soon as I could. Apparently when I left shit hit the fan.

The two of them are in jail right now. Not sure what for 100% as I didn't call the police on them. They lost their jobs because of me. One is homeless because of me. I feel like I've caused so much chaos.

Yet so much is going through my head. Why the hell was one hiding in the shower? He could hear me crying out. Was this entire thing...planned? I can barely remember the events straight. Goddamn I feel like a fraud. I didn't sleep for two days after it happened. I didn't think I was violated until a few days later. It's so weird.

And here I am. I've eaten about 2500 calories in almost a week. Lost 4 pounds in a matter of days. I'm 5'6 and down to 117 pounds. Everyone is freaking out.

For once I'm not happy the scale dropped.

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[Rant/Rave] I have to go to a pool party tonight
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 13:26:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hordl/i_have_to_go_to_a_pool_party_tonight/
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I'm supposed to go to a pool party tonight that my boyfriends friend is hosting and there's gonna be so many people there and I'm kinda panicking. Thankfully the weather (I don't think) is hot enough to actually go in to the pool so I can keep my dress on. Honestly I feel like if I went swimming I wouldn't even be surprised if I heard someone yell "THAR SHE BLOWS!!!" Ugh I just wish I could do social things and enjoy them like a normal person lol fml

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[Rant/Rave] Greaaaat news!
/u/throwthisnonsense
Created: Fri Jun 16 10:36:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hnnpg/greaaaat_news/
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After IF and only eating 400-600 calories a day for 5 days, I am down 4pounds, have so much more energy and such a lack of appetite. Holy effing shit I am so damn happy right now. Sending all you guys great vibes today!!

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[Rant/Rave] Meal plan resulting in basically no free time
/u/kristine0711 [158cm | 46.4kg | BMI 18.6 | 17F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 10:18:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hnjgn/meal_plan_resulting_in_basically_no_free_time/
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I've sort of been forced into recovery by my parents and therapist. As a result, I was given a meal plan a few days ago, which my dad makes sure i follow strictly (or that's what he thinks at least).
The plan consists of 4 meals + one snack, and is supposed to be somewhere between 1600-1800 calories.

I, of course, do my best to avoid eating, and find it surprisingly easy to hide away food when my father isn't looking, resulting in me consuming 1000-1200 calories instead of the 1800 I'm supposed to. Although, a bit too many calories that I would like, I can somewhat manage it.

The BIG problem, however, is the amount of meals, and how much time this takes away from my day. Basically, I have to eat at 9:00am, 12:30pm, 4:00pm, 6:30pm and 9:00pm. I have to finish all meals within 30min, leaving me aprox 2-3 hours between each meal. And as if that wasn't enough, I have a 1hr "rest time" after each meal, where I have to sit down in the living room with an adult present. So, the problem here is, obviously, I got barely any time left to do what I want! Like, i literally got 1-1 1/2hrs between each meal...!

WTF do they expect me to do in that fucking hour between the meals?!? They have straight out taken away all my free time, and it makes me so angry!! Like, I got things to do, you know?!
Idk, it just makes me so upset that they literally have taken away all my free time

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[Rant/Rave] 33 days binge free & under 600 cals (yay!) 29 days to go & thinking only of pizza (not yay)
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 141.8 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:58:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hnett/33_days_binge_free_under_600_cals_yay_29_days_to/
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Rave/rant! So I just got out of a several month long binge cycle. Have stayed under 600 cals since May 14, though. Stats if anyone's interested:

May 14: 159 :( -- (after binging the day before hardcore + months of binge/restrict cycle)
May 21: 154
May 28: 149.8
June 4: 145.8
June 11: 143.8
Today: 141.8

Ate 500 cals/less first 3 weeks, and 600 cals since June 4. I'm proud of my streak but at the same time I feel like there's barely a difference. Ugh. I go on vacation in 29 days and I swore to myself that I would continue this streak until then but right now it's 11 AM & all I can think of is pizza. I haven't worked out so I'm going to incorporate exercise for the next 28 days alongside restriction. Prob will increase to 700-800 cals for energy but god damn anything above 800 makes me want to break out into a sweat.

How do you all banish mind cravings!? I am terrified I'm going to break!! Also vacation I'll allow myself to eat some but I really don't want to. Vacation tips to help ease my mind also much appreciated :)

And thank you to this community. I don't post or comment much but just lurking here has given me great strength. <3

---

[Goal] Goals?
/u/alovelytime
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hn93f/goals/
---
I know it's mid June but I'm just wondering what goals you guys have planned for the next couple weeks? (ed or non ed related)

I'm living alone right now and just looking for small goals to pick up as I have nothing to do in my free time. My current ones at the moment:

- Stay under 800 cals and allow my self one binge day a week

- Learn this [dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCcfWU2aqec) (this is my current thinspo lol)

- Pass the one summer class i'm taking with an A

- Finish a couple books I started

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] My convenient work schedule
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 119.8 | GW 108 | 20.9 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:29:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hn89l/rave_my_convenient_work_schedule/
---
Yesterday, I skipped dinner because I was working and was tired when I came home so I fell asleep at 9. I woke up at 4am, but I fell back asleep and woke up for good at 8am, just in time to skip breakfast. I'll skip dinner again tonight for work.

Meals in our society can feel darn-right mandatory, especially while getting together with friends. While I am still living with my parents, I am grateful for any excuses I can get. I'm really excited to go off to college this fall. Hopefully, I'll have a lot more independence when it comes to what I eat and when I eat it.

---

[Discussion] Who else is starting the ABC diet? Its my first day! pm me if you wanna be motivators!
/u/ivythelastairbender
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:09:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hn3nr/who_else_is_starting_the_abc_diet_its_my_first/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] What is your favorite broth? 🥘
/u/Neatsfoot [5'8" 🐝]
Created: Fri Jun 16 08:16:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmsap/what_is_your_favorite_broth/
---
I have a recipe for bone broth I am kinda dying to use, but not dying enough to get over my colossal laziness and drag the pots out.

What's your favorite broth? Do you make it, buy it, conjure it with fairy magic?

---

[Other] Hey Im starting a webcomic account related to depression and eating disorders ! Thought you guys may appreciate.
/u/Nude-prude [5"6.5 | 124.8lbls |19.82|-40 (then +30 lol)| female]
Created: Fri Jun 16 07:53:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmnm0/hey_im_starting_a_webcomic_account_related_to/
---
https://i.redd.it/f9ork2d9j04z.jpg

---

[Other] Just, just :(
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Fri Jun 16 07:35:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmk26/just_just/
---
[Other] I finished my final exams in my master's degree on Wednesday and should be elated. But, I took another exam at the beginning of June which I think I failed and which meant more to me than my entire master's. I haven't gained since I last went home but when I came to the UK I weighed 54kg. Now when I reflect I feel like I should be proud of myself on the one hand but I just can't be because in the facets of my life that I actually care about I'm a dismal failure. People keep making a big deal of me finishing and sending congratulations but inside I'm screaming.

---

[Humor] Lol. Try to cook low cal breakfast of one egg.
/u/moon-lady [🎮🍓 5'0" | CW: 115.8lbs | BMI: 22.6 | -34.2lbs | 22F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 07:11:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmfew/lol_try_to_cook_low_cal_breakfast_of_one_egg/
---
The fucker has two yolks inside.

Life you so funny

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 16 06:13:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hm528/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for June 16, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 16 06:13:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hm514/daily_food_diary_june_16_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Other] Upside to having relationship problems: too upset to eat
/u/mynameisninabanana
Created: Fri Jun 16 06:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hm3wb/upside_to_having_relationship_problems_too_upset/
---
My relationship turned south out of fucking nowhere and I can't stop crying, literally. I cry during work, in the shower, in bed, while drawing, while I'm browsing the Internet, etc etc. My eyes are puffy and red and they sting like fuck.

But hey! I lost my appetite too, and I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday and I'm pale and shaking and dizzy but I really can't bring myself to eat anything because I'm so upset so... yay me?

Hope everyone is well <3

---

[Tip] Command line calorie tracker
/u/amfournda
Created: Fri Jun 16 05:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hlzyr/command_line_calorie_tracker/
---
https://github.com/zupzup/calories

---

[Rant/Rave] A reflection post for the past couple days and a lot of venting so sorry if this is a long one...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 16 05:28:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hly3h/a_reflection_post_for_the_past_couple_days_and_a/
---
On mobile please flair as rant rave.

So as of two days ago I had fasted for 8 days with little bits of liquid mostly coffee and little little amounts of alcohol.

That was Tuesday through Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon I caved and binged. Listing for accountability

A 14oz box of pecan maple granola
3 cups of vanilla silk almond milk
1 cup chocolate silk almond milk
7 oreos
Half a vegan club sandwhich I ordered from my work
A couple bites of a vegan pancake
A serving of French fries also from work

I used a delivery service to order food which I seldom do. Maybe ones before. It was expensive, took an hour to arrive and wasn't so great when it arrived but having spent the money I ate everything anyway.

I heard someone tell me one bite is too much and a million is never enough. That seems too true right now.

After my binge which last maybe an hour and a half and totalled over 3500+ calories by my calculations in Loseit (an app I have on my phone) I felt panicky and awful so without thinking I dug into my messenger bag and took out some laxatives.

I took the five remaining ones I had. I knew it probably wasn't a good idea but my desire to feel empty again was strong and purging was really painful the last time I tried.

I managed to not eat for the rest of the night and the laxatives never did take effect. I felt bloated until the next day.

On Thursday I was planning so fast again to make up for my binge and get back on track. I sent out to buy a new scale because the analog one I was using probably wasn't very accurate. I found a new scale and when I used it it said I weighed 170 lbs.

For reference when I was fasting the analog scale had me down to 163 lbs or 165lbs. Some where in that range. I knew I must-have been holding on to some food and water weight from the binge so I tried to ignore it.

Then I was alone at home. I seldom eat around people and so whenever I am alone I feel the binge urges are the strongest. I was fine but then I started looking at what other vegan binge food was still tempting and around. I justified another because if I ate then it wouldn't be around later.

How's that for logic? So then I binged again. The remains of some vegan spaghetti and gardein meatless meatballs, and I ordered more food. This time it was tofu yakisoba from a vegan place down the street. This binge may have been smaller and maybe closer to 2000 calories but I still felt awful.

So I took more laxatives. 6, 25mg ex lax tablets and here I am awake in bed hours later instead with awful stomach pains.

I hate this life. Binging, trying to restrict. Fasting. Feeling like I'm never going to get to my gw or ugw because they seem so far off. I feel like when I fast I lose so slowly but somehow I eat and my body just holds onto everything.

I know it's foolish but I'm going to attempt another long fast but then plan a 500 to 1000 calorie day at the end. I need to get back on track. I only have 3 more weeks until I am supposed to take a trip to DC to see my SO who I am separated from and I need to look skinnier. I also really want to hit my gw by fall so I can try maintaining and get my shit together.

I have this idea that I can be one of those skinny recovered people. I'll get to underweight and stay there indefinitely and just eat maintenence for the small weight I have. I'll eat like a bird as some of my friend and family tend to say or my "naturally" skinny friends who seemingly don't eat much.

I want to eat very little and be satisfied. I want to be thin so I can try to recover because I can't do it now. I can't be happy with my body as it is. I want to cut and burn again. The S/H urges have been strong.

I want to bounce back from this binge episode and just get back on track. I was miserable but I made it 8 days before. If I try for another 8 days and come out of it eating something simple like steamed veggies or an apple maybe it's be better. I know going straight to processed junk and comfort food just gave me a headache.

I may be delving into orthorexia territory which doesn't seem so far fetched being a longtime vegetarian and vegan . Feeling like some foods are gross because they are greasy, processes, ugly, sticky, resoundingly unhealthy, carby not natural.

I don't know where I am going with this. I hope I can get a better reading on my weight after the food weight is flushed out of me. I don't know how long it will take.

I guess I also wanted to post because sometimes I feel like I don't belong when I binge. I feel tremendous shame when I binge and like I am an awful person and undeserving of this community. I can't restrict I tend to fast and binged and purge. I have had stints of semi successful restricting but I tend to binge more and then just not eat.

I feel physically ill as a result of the last two days and am going into a busy work week, Sunday is father's day so probably a busy day at the restaurant and a busy weekend as always. Send me good vibes lovelies and pm's are welcomed if anyone likes chatting.

Friendly neighborhood unicorn who don't give a fuck,

Willow.

---

[Discussion] Cut and then bulk?
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F 🌱]
Created: Fri Jun 16 05:16:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hlw8o/cut_and_then_bulk/
---
Has anyone ever been underweight like BMI 17 and then bulked with high protein intake + exercise and become really toned and fit but still thin (thigh gap pls) with an under 20 BMI? What exercise did you do? I'm assuming weights and body weight exercises and maybe yoga?

Starting to think this might be my goal but not sure if it's possible. All advice and anecdotes welcome.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else seen the religious 40 day water fast lady?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 03:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hljji/anyone_else_seen_the_religious_40_day_water_fast/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Obsessing over food
/u/flyleafet9
Created: Fri Jun 16 02:51:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hlcdu/obsessing_over_food/
---
I have been thinking about a damn sandwich nonstop for the past six hours. It is 3 am. What am I doing with my life???

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[Rant/Rave] Water retention is pure evil
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 16 02:06:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hl6wi/water_retention_is_pure_evil/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Making dinner for my friend and my sister...help me please
/u/ALonelySeaCucumber [5'6" | CW 139.6 GW 110 | 22.5 | -20.4 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 23:33:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hkm6k/making_dinner_for_my_friend_and_my_sisterhelp_me/
---
Title says it all pretty much. Does anyone have a dinner recipe that my "not too adventurous in the culinary department" guy friend and sister would enjoy that won't kill me inside to eat? My friend doesn't eat salads. I'm completely at a loss.

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't stop binging :(
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Thu Jun 15 23:06:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hki73/cant_stop_binging/
---
June was supposed to be my month, right? Yeah well I can forget that. I swear all I've done this week was binge! I'm eating so much that I feel sick and none of my pants will fit because I'm so bloated. I've been crying for hours and I feel so lost. I've never been a binger so I have no idea what's happening.

I'm just so pathetic. I was binging on toast and I just kept putting more slices of bread in the toaster and eating the previous pieces while making more. I probably did that four or so times. My eating disorder is seriously making me reconsider suicide because I feel so fucking shitty and I don't want to do this anymore but I know I can't stop.

---

[Other] I just had 3/4 of a strawberry cupcake with tons of frosting...
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 22:28:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hkc8a/i_just_had_34_of_a_strawberry_cupcake_with_tons/
---
And I'm not going to freak out over it.

Obviously there's still some anxiety I'm feeling right now, but fuck it I've been doing good lately. As long as I don't let this become habit, and work even harder to stay on track tomorrow, I'm okay.

I walked in 100+ degree weather up hills from 10am to 1:30 today, and I ate fairly well aside from this.

the free Chipotle bowl I got (~600)
the mini cheddar bites from Sonic (250)
this (~350)

So like 1200 calories for the day. That's double what I had planned, but beyond food weight I don't think I've sabotaged anything.

Sorry feel free to ignore my ramblings I post here way too fucking much lmao.

---

[Help] Planning to fast tomorrow for the first time...
/u/anxiousfemale [5'6 | 165lb | 126 | 0 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 22:12:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hk9p4/planning_to_fast_tomorrow_for_the_first_time/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Bye and thank you.
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Thu Jun 15 21:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hk0nm/bye_and_thank_you/
---
I'm choosing recovery because there is no better time than now. I had a fucking grand mal seizure in the middle of an orientation class for nurse grads. Nothing was wrong (CT, urine,etc) except I'm pretty sure it's my bulimia. Even today my mind is hazy and it feels wrong like pieces of my head is still floating- and my muscles hurt and feel like they weigh a fuckton. I'm done ✅ this is scary but I need to get better. The state of my mind and body is unnerving, unnatural, very much weakened and I don't want this.

Goodbye and thank you. I have to leave. I want to get better.

EDIT: thank you guys. I prob will lurk around --I just want to get better on my own terms. Idk what to expect but I've already purged 2x now so I'm probably running in the dark now but at least I wanna end this..

---

[Discussion] anybody have thinspo music?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 21:15:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hk06o/anybody_have_thinspo_music/
---
tbh whenever I wanna binge I just listen to music by skinny singers and it helps. Zara Larsson <3

god this sounds pathetic lol

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[Discussion] [Discussion] favorite nutrition/snack bars?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:49:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjvoh/discussion_favorite_nutritionsnack_bars/
---
I usually eat one instead of lunch and am trying to find the one with the best payoff. A lot of them are low cal but very small, not filling, or aren't very good flavor wise. I've been liking the Kashi ones lately, but I'm curious- what are your favorites and which do you think have the best payoff?

Sorry, on mobile can't flair properly.

---

[Tip] What a great idea!!
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -60 | 31F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:33:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjslf/what_a_great_idea/
---
I just read an article on r/fatlogic and at the very end the author mentioned that a woman had lost weight after writing her weight on her hand every day.

I'm starting tomorrow!

No more pinching my fat or trying to distract myself when I'm craving something.

---

[Intro] Skipping the Purge
/u/jerriwrites
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjrx1/skipping_the_purge/
---
I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I think my mom and sister knew something was up because ever since Thanksgiving I haven't been allowed to go home without dinner and waiting awhile.

At first I was annoyed cause I had to eat my mom's carby meals and sit around, but my frustration soon switched to my weight. I gained about 70 lbs since then and I'm so sad about that. So I just decided "fuck it and started eating whatever I wanted cause I was a fatty anyway.

It turns out appearing to be excited about food makes people think you've turned a new leaf, because my Mom stop insisting I come over every day. My first few days home were okay until I ran out of food.

Something clicked inside of me. I don't have to eat. Now that I'm home, I can avoid meals and if I get really hungry I'll just go to my mom's or something. Best part:I didn't have to hide purging that doesn't exist.

So now I basically trick/humor my family by eating when I need some food and starving myself when I can get away with it. It's been about 12 hours since I had food and I'm not expected until Father's Day (funny side note: Daddy loves and expects two banana nut bread loaves as the "baker daughter"), so I already know I'm going to avoid food until then.

And yes I know not eating isn't healthy, but is it anymore dangerous than purging?

---

[Discussion] New or old BMI?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:24:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjqyi/new_or_old_bmi/
---
I feel bad for using the new BMI being a bit taller. :/

What do you guys use?

---

[Tip] I guess if the anorexia doesn't kill me directly, all the hot tea will. (Another med school "fun" fact.) 🙄
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:53:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjllr/i_guess_if_the_anorexia_doesnt_kill_me_directly/
---
http://time.com/4369809/very-hot-drinks-are-probable-cancer-trigger-says-who/

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally Progress!
/u/We_Are_Vigilant_ [5'9"| CW164 GW150 | ~ | M]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:26:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjgu2/finally_progress/
---
I can finally wear the clothes I had when I was closest to my target weight. I'm excited cause I have a bunch of really nice clothes that I saved.

I just wanted to rave about it because I'm really happy with myself. =P

How are you guys doing?

---

[Other] The first day I haven't b/p'd in three months
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 100.2lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:22:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjg37/the_first_day_i_havent_bpd_in_three_months/
---
I did it. I have literally shoved my hand down my throat /every single day/ since early March, and before then it has been every single day since early January. Every day; it was clockwork. Come home from work, b/p for a couple of hours, sleep, rinse and repeat.
But today I broke the cycle.


Words can't even begin to describe how I feel.
Happy isn't the right word. I feel strong...like I finally kicked my ED out to sleep on the curb for the night.

I'm about to go to sleep, haha. Sorry for the dumb post. I just feel something I haven't felt in a long time. I feel like I've finally won a battle in the three-year-long-war.

---

[Discussion] Bloat from working out?
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 144|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:13:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjehe/bloat_from_working_out/
---
Anyone else feel more bloated when you've been working out hard for at least a few days? Is it a real thing that your body retains more when you work out because it thinks you're stressed? Like you're running away from lions or some shit so you don't have access to food so you need to store more. This better result in a great whoosh damnit

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[Rant/Rave] Cannot STAND BEING FULL! So what do you do bc of ED logic? B i n G E!
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:52:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjai3/cannot_stand_being_full_so_what_do_you_do_bc_of/
---
Augh. I was at 22/24 hours of my fast, and my friend and I were studying Physics but I couldnt focus properly because I ran about 5k, and then walked a bunch and was exhausted. So I decided to eat two very small apples. Okay sure, no problem. Then we bake cookies. I figure, okay... Doesnt... H u rt.... To try some cookie dough........

I end up overestimating(by a lot) it and guessing ~500 cals. I figure, okay, still at a deficit. Then I sneak in more cookie dough. Tiny morsels of course, but that induces intensified self hate.

Finally the cookies are made, and I had two at most. (we broke them up into small pieces and ate those) but after the cookie dough I was sO full. But I kept eating because of the slobby pig I am. Then her parents offer dinner. I have a tiny portion, but at this point Im stuffed.

When I get home I had a cup of broth and I feel like exploding. So what do I do? BINGE BECAUSE IM ALREADY FULL SO WHY NOT MAKE MYSELF FULLER. Except I couldnt really binge because a granola bar, two cookies, and half a cup of cereal later im so nauseous. What do you do to cure nausea? Purge, obviously 🙄.

I love only eating dinner everyday, and fasting is only making me feel fuller faster which is absolutely fantastic (i do 24 hour fasts between dinner because I have to eat with my parents).

Also on a completely unrelated note, I have a Physics exam tomorrow and a super important social essay. I really want to fast, but will it affect my performance? Do you guys usually fast while doing school stuff?

Thank all of u for listening to my quick rant as well as my completely unrelated question

---

[Discussion] What's something that takes forever to eat?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.6 | -27.4 | F | G: 99]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:34:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hj5uq/whats_something_that_takes_forever_to_eat/
---
This will control my bingers.

I accidentally found rice (cracker) rolls. These huge rolls take forever to eat and they're only 49 calories each. I'm tired of biting and chewing after 2 of those things.

I also like loli pops :)

---

[Other] Looking for iMessage friends
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:16:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hj20h/looking_for_imessage_friends/
---
[removed]

---

Looking for iMessage friends
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:14:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hj1hz/looking_for_imessage_friends/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you for existing.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:05:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hizl2/thank_you_for_existing/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] working at a truck stop
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Thu Jun 15 17:48:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hiwcu/working_at_a_truck_stop/
---
is literally the worst. i worked at one owned by my parents in highschool, and im helping there right now. surrounded in binge foods, totally alone, and i dont pay for it. fuuuuuck me sideways. 🙃

---

[Discussion] Dumbest binge logic?
/u/justanotherbrunette [5'7" | CW 133 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 17:20:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hir86/dumbest_binge_logic/
---
I like to binge on fried chicken, but I pull the skin off so it's "not that bad".

I'll eat everything at once, telling myself that it's so it's not there to tempt me later.

I have to do everything in threes. If I eat one, it's a temptation. Two and it wasn't actually a binge and I was just being greedy. But three? Clearly not my fault, I had to do it.

Anyone have anything that runs through their heads?

*dumb restricting logic also welcome for inclusivity*

---

[Help] Does anybody else bump/knock their elbows of off e v e r y t h i n g?
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:102lbs | BMI:16.5| weight lost:35lb | gender:F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 17:11:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hipml/does_anybody_else_bumpknock_their_elbows_of_off_e/
---
I've been noticing for the last little while that I've been elbowing almost every hard surface I am near ALL. THE. TIME. and also bouncing off of door frames, or losing balance just standing (but not in an "I'm fainting" way, more like a "quarter mile stumble" way lol). Am I just clutzy, or is this like. a thing?

you guys are all so kind; thank you for reading my shit.

---

[Humor] I don't get it
/u/macak333
Created: Thu Jun 15 16:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6higju/i_dont_get_it/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally under 58 kg! (GW of 55)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 16:23:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hifev/finally_under_58_kg_gw_of_55/
---
I've gotten to the higher end of 58 kg multiple times. Always binging shortly after to 63+. But back then I wasn't fasting. Today I was 57.7 (My LW so far), and I'm certain I can keep going.

If you feel hungry and bingey all the time, consider fasting. It really works wonders for me at least.

Thanks for reading <3 I'm happy now :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Went to the doctor a few hours ago
/u/nairoline
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi8w1/went_to_the_doctor_a_few_hours_ago/
---
Well he said that if I lose anymore weight, I'll be hospitalised for anorexia nervosa. I was sort of happy yet sad, because hell yes I'm thin but also I'm putting myself in danger and waisting all the good abilities I have.
Idk why but I thought I was 127-128 because when I went to the hospital (in February and it was for a check up on a surgery) I weighed at 130. So I underestimated my weight loss until I find myself here at 120 pounds. I'm sort of mad because I've been overestimating my tdee and bmi but weight loss is weight loss.

I want to lose ten more pounds to have smaller legs, bonier arms and a bit more rib showing (I hate thinking like this but I can't help it) so I've decides to up my intake a tad so I don't lose as fast. I know with conditions like these you never feel happy with your goal weight for long but at least it's something to look forward to.

Also , I get to see a therapist for my very probable depression and self-harm tendencies so ye, it's okay...

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel invalid
/u/CouldNotLoadUsername [13|F|Prof-Diagnosed|AN]
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:27:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi3c3/does_anyone_else_feel_invalid/
---
I've just started "recovery", that is, I've just started getting help from doctors to stop my eating disorder. But sometimes I feel as if I have none, like today for example it doesn't bother me that I have to gain a few kilos, it doesn't bother me how high in calories my diet plan is and it feels as if I don't have an eating disorder.

I don't know whether or not this is just a "good day" and if things will fluctuate, or whether I was just going through "a phase" when I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I just don't know. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

---

Should I go inpatient?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi3ab/should_i_go_inpatient/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Estimating calories in sushi
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:21:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi1xj/estimating_calories_in_sushi/
---
[deleted]

---

[Tip] I'd like to thank duolingo for being a distraction when I want to binge...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 14:30:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhq4n/id_like_to_thank_duolingo_for_being_a_distraction/
---
It's honestly great! I'm in a club on there and am competitive by nature so I try to get as much XP as possible. Plus you learn so much! and it's a great distraction

---

[Rant/Rave] Halo Top Coupons
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 192lb | M]
Created: Thu Jun 15 13:57:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhiew/halo_top_coupons/
---
I was at Meijer a few minutes ago and three of the self checkouts had coupons just lying in the dispenser--three free pints of what is usually $5.29 halo top. So I took them, naturally.

In comes a Well Meaning Mom, who tells me I shouldn't be "stealing." I hadn't eaten in 36 hours, and was not really in the mood for an argument, so I left. The "I'm bulimic, ma'am, please just let me enjoy this one thing" defense doesn't usually work.

[That Red Velvet is going to taste even better than usual ✨🥂]

---

[Rant/Rave] My best friend just invited me to spend a week at her girlfriend's beach house.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 13:36:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhdh2/my_best_friend_just_invited_me_to_spend_a_week_at/
---
And I'm dreading it. I only have two weeks until the trip, and there's no way I can get to my goal weight in time. Last time I visited her, I was 20 pounds heavier, and I felt so miserable and fat and horrible that I refused to let her take any pictures of us. I honestly don't feel like I look any different now, and I'm not ready to wear a swimsuit in public or have pictures of the experience.

I've also had such a huge crush on her for years, and she isn't interested in me at all. I always sort of hoped that losing weight would change her mind, but she's recently started dating a girl who looks so much like I do right now. So it's not my weight, it's just something she doesn't like about who I am as a person. And I'm not sure how to cope with that. I can always lose weight, but I can't un-become myself.

---

[Help] A Misdiagnosis?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 13:24:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhalz/a_misdiagnosis/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] The grossest thing our eds have made us do
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Thu Jun 15 12:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hh2yv/the_grossest_thing_our_eds_have_made_us_do/
---
[how to cure your ed]
(https://youtu.be/3ax_KGVvtxo)

Hey friendships I'm back! I'm going to make a video about the grossest things our eds have made us do! For example purging with someone else's toothbrush. Nice! Cool! I think we have all done some pretty gross shit and it will be fun to share. (I linked a video where I did something similar)

---

[Rant/Rave] Should be ashamed #sorrynotsorry
/u/la_perla_negra
Created: Thu Jun 15 12:47:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hh1cm/should_be_ashamed_sorrynotsorry/
---
So I'm leaving my bf to move back to a college town I use to live in years ago, I've got job prospects lined up and everything; I'm happy about all of that but what I'm most stoked about is being able to live on my own and wallow in my ED without fear of judgement or encouragment to gorge on unhealthy food. I'll be able to drink all the LaCroix I want and weight myself to my hearts content. Should be ashamed that that's what I'm most happy about, but I'm not.

*obligatory no flair, on mobile*

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else unable to conjure a mental image of themselves?
/u/lilmissdisappearing [5'3" | 102 | 18.57 | *not enough* | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 12:28:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgwsl/is_anyone_else_unable_to_conjure_a_mental_image/
---
I imagine this is some kind of BDD thing, who knows.

I can recognize myself instantly in pictures and the mirror and stuff, and I feel like I have a general model of my body shape, but when I try to imagine an image of my whole body (or face, really) I simply can't do it.

Sure it's not just me, but not sure if it's an ED thing?

---

Can anyone tell me if EC stacking worked for them? I want to try it and I know about it but I want to hear from someone's who's doing it
/u/bunnygirly
Created: Thu Jun 15 11:35:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgk7f/can_anyone_tell_me_if_ec_stacking_worked_for_them/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm in denial
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Thu Jun 15 11:18:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgg0p/im_in_denial/
---
So I had a talk with my psych and now I'm def off Wellbutrin because with a history of seizure (which I have now) it's contradicted.

He and discussed the root of this shit-it's my purging. I've been purging more than normal to deal with my anxiety and it's culminated to this. My head is foggy now and my muscles hurt.

All those days purging my throat raw, trembling fingers, stomach cramps, blurry vision, weakness and dehydration fml

I'm just in denial now because I just wanna get better but I also like...purging...it helps me...

But now I'm at a point where I'm more prone to seizures and one more seizure and I'd be losing my drivers license and wat about my job???? I'm just... 😞

Don't fucking purge from the start the end

I think I'm on the fence still but I'll probably cut back the purging this is frifhtebng me just a tad

---

[Rant/Rave] Worried I accidentally convinced my friend to purge...
/u/dungeonmasterbater
Created: Thu Jun 15 11:05:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgcyb/worried_i_accidentally_convinced_my_friend_to/
---
I was hanging out at a bar with a couple friends. They were having long islands and Wingstop.
I stole a fry and sipped on jack and diet coke. Not gonna lie, I felt good about not eating as much as them.


One of my friends (Big D) hates his body and talks about wanting to lose weight all the time. He believes in CICO but is depressed and uses food as a crutch so he knowingly fattens himself.
He commented that I haven't eaten and that I should take another fry.


I was already tipsy so I go on a schpiel about how I don't hate myself as much when I'm restricting and how I should feel guilty for vomiting up food but I never do and that I'm happier when I'm hungry. The usual ED nonsense. I don't think my other friend hears it but Big D says he wishes he could purge. At least that's what it sounded like but the bar was too loud for me to be sure so I don't say anything.


The night goes on and they bring up my weight loss and tell me I'm not fat (ha).
The more they talk about the weight, the heavier I feel. So I announce, "I feel guilty about eating." and go to the bathroom. I'm sure they put two and two together.
When I get back, Big D is staring straight ahead. All his food is shoved to one side.
My other friend and I continue talking and suddenly Big D gets up and makes a bee-line to the bathroom, looking super determined. Oh no.

I haven't stopped feeling guilty since. I wish I wasn't so honest about my thoughts and feelings. I wish I was more ashamed of doing what I was doing. Why did I assume that everyone else is immune to ED brain and that I, being the snowflake that I am, am just uniquely broken?
Not gonna talk about my stupid ED bullshit because it's obviously affecting my loved ones. Just because they support me and visited me while I was in inpatient doesn't mean I can just unload on them whenever.
Ugh.

---

[Rant/Rave] FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 10:43:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hg7io/fuck_this_fuck_this_fuck_this/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Quitting laxatives sucks and it better be worth it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 10:05:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfygt/quitting_laxatives_sucks_and_it_better_be_worth_it/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] Wish me luck
/u/carlems [5'1| CW: 106 | GW: 94 | -14]
Created: Thu Jun 15 09:49:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfup3/wish_me_luck/
---
So, I've got a summer job in this workplace with six other people of the same age as me, and tomorrow is the last day. Because of that our boss wants to kind of have a "party day": we go see a movie, and the boss said she'll bring us chips and these chocolate candies as a movie snack/reward for the good work.

Those two are my biggest trigger foods.

I'm trying to avoid eating any, because I know if I take one it's going to lead me into a huge binge and I'm doing so well not binging, so I really don't want that. It's going to take me looots of willpower to refuse eating any and watch how others are enjoying them, but I'm gonna try and for once be stronger than my cravings. Hopefully it goes well!

(Sorry, this was really unnecessary post. Just wanted to let my thoughts and the small fear of tomorrow out!)

---

[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow I'm going to be the fat friend, again. FML [Rant]
/u/-novaterra- [174cm | 67Kg | i wanna be 58 again :( |]
Created: Thu Jun 15 09:47:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfu5o/tomorrow_im_going_to_be_the_fat_friend_again_fml/
---
I've been putting my life on hold till I'm skinny enough. I finally stoped binging and lost 5kg but still I am fatter then all my friends. And I'm almost at the low BMI mark. But I have to see them once every week or two because they nag me about me being deppresive.

Tomorrow when all 3 of us sit at the caffe, I'm gonna be the fat one.

I'm not depressed I'm just not comfortable in my body, learn the difference.

---

[Help] When it's time for bed, how do you guys deal with hunger pains?
/u/crescendols [5'0 | 99 | F | vegan]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:57:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfim0/when_its_time_for_bed_how_do_you_guys_deal_with/
---
I usually eat dinner as late as possible to prevent this, but lately I've been suffering from some major hunger pains when I'm trying to sleep! I'm getting around 4 to 5 hours of sleep because of this and it's starting to impact my work performance. I don't want to eat anything, and tea isn't helping...so do y'all have any advice or tips?

---

[Rant/Rave] Ummm best doctor's visit EVER????
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:46:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfg8o/ummm_best_doctors_visit_ever/
---
Dreaded doctor's visit today (got a check up) because so not down to be weighed. I LOST 7LBS SINCE MY LAST CHECK UP??

Like it's been ~2 months since I visited, and I haven't had access to a scale between then and now, and since I've been restricting and binging on and off + not keeping track of calories as much as I should've been, this was an amazing surprise!! I honestly thought I gained!!

Ahhhhhh!!!!! Yay! :))))

---

[Discussion] Did anyone else start subconsciously
/u/missalligator [5'2" | 106.6lb | GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:42:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hffdu/did_anyone_else_start_subconsciously/
---
Sometimes I feel like an ED outlier because initially I never actively thought I was fat or deliberately decided to purge or restrict in hopes of becoming thinner. It was more a product of pushing myself too hard in college while simultaneously glorifying a lifestyle of self-destruction and perfection at the same time. I can think as far back about this to when I first started working out at the gym and enjoyed getting muscular, so I started going twice a day. But going twice a day took up a lot of time that cut into studying so I swapped my breakfast hour for a gym hour and just waited to eat till lunch. Then I decided lunch was taking up too much studying time so I skipped that too and waited till dinner. As semesters tend to progress I found the stress piling on sometime after midterms ramping up to finals and I found myself feelings too anxious to eat anything and preferring drinking as a coping mechanism, but the combination of drinking and an empty stomach would leave me with the worst hangover the next day and I couldn't keep anything down for at least 2 days. I dropped 15 lbs in about a month. I felt great. I kept going with this. I unfortunately picked up a smoking habit, which also made me nauseous most of the time, so if I had eaten anything before my cigarette it would come back up. Oops. I thought the calming effects were worth puking up whatever I ate that day and I had unintentionally reached my LW for the first time in my life at 102 lb. I also never slept which made me feel more sick so I had no appetite.

It wasn't until I had passed out on two occasions and one day had a partial seizure that someone told me "yeah people don't "forget" to eat for 3 days without drugs, that's anorexia". I mean that wouldn't be the literal diagnoses but that one comment was a wake up call. So I tried to stop and eat normal meals again. And I hated it. I hated being my HW again I wanted nothing more than to feel high from feeling empty and lightheaded and not be able to grab the flab on my belly again. I felt superhuman before; I didn't need to sleep or eat, I could be a studying partying machine. I don't know how to turn back now, eating full meals makes me nauseous most of the time. Now it's all conscious calorie counting, which I feel is better actually cause I'm paying attention to getting healthy foods when I do eat and I'm not drinking. Also managed to cut out dairy, added sugar, meat, and bread. I try to take care of my body now though. I eat lots of greens, sleep 8 hours, and quit alcohol and smoking.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to know if anyone could relate.

---

[Help] Need help preparing for fast
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hf7ue/need_help_preparing_for_fast/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I want my friend to get help...
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Thu Jun 15 07:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hf1ji/i_want_my_friend_to_get_help/
---
Okay, so.

I have messed up eating habits, but my friend (actually my relative, but I don't want to give away too much info) has legit bulimia and anorexia. She's 5'3" and weighs about 95 lbs. She's over 30 and I don't think she's going to live to see 40. She doesn't eat during the day and takes tons of adderall so she can spend all her calories on beer at night, which makes her upset because she has a little tummy I'm assuming because of all the beer. So then she takes that as proof that she's fat and shouldn't eat.

I have watched her shrink and waste away my whole life and I want so badly to help her. She's so smart, but because she doesn't eat she's stuck in menial labor jobs because she can't focus. Her hair and teeth are falling out, her skin is yellow and diseased and she's in a horrible self-destructive relationship with an alcoholic who apparently doesn't give a fuck that she's literally dying. She is freezing all the time and so tired and I've seen her faint on more than one occasion.

I want her to get help so bad. Even just talking to a therapist. But I've brought it up before and she just gets so angry. I've seen her cut people and relationships out of her life for bringing up her eating habits or asking her to stop purging. I love her so much and I can't stand to lose her as a friend but I can't watch her die. I even spoke to her mom about it but she's just as helpless as we are.

I know if I tried an intervention or anything she would cut us all out without hesitation. I don't know what else to do. I love her so much. She's my best friend. I can't stand this. I restrict calories and hate my fat ass body so it makes me a hypocrite I guess. And I'm sure lots of people here would want me to just leave her alone. But I can't stand knowing that she's going to die in the next ten years if shit doesn't change.

I feel like my hands are tied. I want to be a supportive friend and I know she won't get better unless she really wants to, but I can't stand this anymore.

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend feels like I'm blaming him for my mood
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Thu Jun 15 07:25:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hezc6/my_boyfriend_feels_like_im_blaming_him_for_my_mood/
---
But I'm so not.

He's said something a couple times that in his head meant one thing but mine took it a totally different way. I'm trying to explain to him not to say it again and that it's not his fault, I don't blame him etc but he is obviously kinda mad at me since he sees it as me blaming him for my low mood today.

I'm trying so hard to be diplomatic about this but it seems like I'm doing everything wrong. How do I explain it?!

---

[Rant/Rave] Too old for this shit and tired of being tired.
/u/sp_600
Created: Thu Jun 15 07:03:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hev4m/too_old_for_this_shit_and_tired_of_being_tired/
---
So i have had eating issues since i was like 12. Things got bad when I was 16ish but somehow I dug myself out of the rut.
I am 20 years old now and, although I struggled emotionally, I thought I made it. Until last month or so. Things got stressful and before I knew it, I was back to crying during meals and counting the calories in gum. Just like when I was a kid. I have lost about 20 lbs in the past month. This thrills me but it also kills me; I cant perform at my job because I refuse to nourish myself.
I though I was better. I thought that grownups don't pull this kind of shit. Guess I was wrong.

---

[Discussion] 2nd therapist appointment if anyone's interested :)
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6herh1/2nd_therapist_appointment_if_anyones_interested/
---
Sooo it went really well. I told her about how I took a photo of myself and didn't understand how it's possible that it didn't look like me. I think the reason she's so easy to talk to is because I used to go to her in high school so she's not a complete stranger.
I had a freak out moment.. she said "I appreciate you being real with me and I want to be real with you. I have a number in my head and if you get to that number I'm going to recommend you to someone else."
I guess I looked scared because she said "What are you thinking?" And I said "Do you mean like a treatment center, or..?" She said no, it would be IOP. The most important thing I could think to ask was "And they'll make me gain weight?" I started crying and getting all panicky and it was super embarrassing. "I can't get bigger, I can't gain weight." She had to talk me down before I had a full blown panic attack. Sooo there's that.
I know I'm far away from that point, but the thought of treatment makes my throat close up and my heart race.
If you read this, thanks. I appreciate any and all responses. :)

---

[Discussion] Anyone else throw up bile on an empty stomach?
/u/Bravemewmew
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:41:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6her7e/anyone_else_throw_up_bile_on_an_empty_stomach/
---

Sometimes I can prevent it if I eat a cracker or something before I realize I'm nauseous though

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6helv4/weekly_emotional_support_june_15_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6helt2/daily_food_diary_june_15_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] ED/crash diet TV series and/or episodes?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 04:14:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6he4ed/edcrash_diet_tv_series_andor_episodes/
---
We all know about terrible made for TV movies about EDs that air on lifetime (I think I've seen all of them at least twice) but what about TV series where a character has an eating disorder or struggles with dieting? The only thing that sticks out in my mind is Make It Or Break It and that one episode of Full House where DJ is anorexic for like 3 days. I don't watch much TV....

---

[Goal] No more alcohol for three weeks
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Thu Jun 15 04:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6he3ry/no_more_alcohol_for_three_weeks/
---
Stop drinking alcohol. Cut carbs and cut sodium. Just stop it. There's no need for it. The pain of having a wildly fluctuating number on the scale is *NOT* worth it.

The past week I've had just bread, beer and McDonalds (I've been on a budget holiday so been trying to save money, which went well). Before I even went on holiday, I was at my LW ever, I was fitting into the smallest clothes size in the stores and feeling a million dollars. I've still been at a 1500kcal deficit prob every day (walked 30,000 most days) and I've lost 1.5 inches off my waist in 7 days, I actually have a full uninterrupted thigh gap and even a 'knee gap' now (lol) so I KNOW I'VE LOST WEIGHT, yet because of what I've been eating the scales are UP from when I left which is absolutely factually impossible. I reckon I'm 4 lbs up on the scale from what I 'actually am' but that doesn't even make sense. It doesn't make sense to say I am a lower weight than what it says on the scales. I'm the weight I am. I'm just contradicting myself now. I should be that weight, whether I have an alcohol bloat or not. But I'm not. FFSSS

And when I look in the mirror it's like an acid trip. I can actually see my body distort outwards and contract again. One minute I have a flat stomach, the next I'm obese. I can't trust my own goddamn eyes, so all I can trust is the numbers on the scale, and even those are WRONG.

God this hurts my head. In three weeks time I see a bunch of friends and will definitely be drinking and want to enjoy myself, but unless I'm the weight I expect myself to be, I don't deserve to have a good time.

No alcohol. No salt. No carbs. There's no goddamn need. Stop making your headspace worse than it is.

---

[Rant/Rave] Hhhhhhelp I can't stop purging fuck my whole life
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 03:51:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6he19g/hhhhhhelp_i_cant_stop_purging_fuck_my_whole_life/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm starting to realize that maybe ~I'm not being entirely reasonable~ about my diet
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 02:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdu6n/im_starting_to_realize_that_maybe_im_not_being/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] how differently were you treated at your HW vs. your LW?
/u/noneed2try [173cm | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 02:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdo4i/how_differently_were_you_treated_at_your_hw_vs/
---
i always like reading people's comments on this topic!

i've recently gotten to my lowest weight ever and it's like the world is an entirely different place to when i was at my HW. it's whack.

---

[Help] Questions about EC Stacking
/u/annan4 [5'5" | CW 154.5 | 26.01 | -15.9 | 18F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 02:00:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdna4/questions_about_ec_stacking/
---
I've never done it before and I have some questions.
1. Should I buy primatene or bronkaid?/ What's the difference?
2. How much caffeine should I take?
3. What type of schedule do I take them?/ For how long?
4. Can I/ Should I exercise while EC stacking?
Thanks for any advice you can give.

---

[Rant/Rave] A Girl Who Defies Nature
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 15 00:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdeyr/a_girl_who_defies_nature/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is so annoying
/u/faithls
Created: Thu Jun 15 00:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hde4q/my_boyfriend_is_so_annoying/
---
Sorry for the rant!

I told my boyfriend i dont wanna eat much anymore, close to starve myself like I use to, and he was all cool with it; which is what I want. And when we're all with friends, he rags on me for not eating in front of them and tells me to eat, which prompts them to tell me to eat.

Does anyone else have this problem??? I dunno im just really mad rn. Sorry for no flair, on mobile. Will flair asap

---

[Discussion] How the heck did I used to do this? [Discussion]
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 193lb | 23.9 | -57lb | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 00:28:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdbbr/how_the_heck_did_i_used_to_do_this_discussion/
---
Today I ate 1800 calories. Shoot, I know that's a lot, and I know that I'll make up for it by restricting harsher later. But gosh darn, how did I used to eat this amount (hell, even more, like 2100+) every single day? Maybe it's just because I've been eating veggies more and less processed foods, but I'm bloated and gross just from 1800! Im literally so full that I feel kinda sick, which is weird for me.
Anyone have a similar feeling once they ate "normally"? I usually stick to 1000-1300 per day, so I guess it's not a huge leap, but it sure feels like it!

---

[Help] New forced diet, new excuse.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 23:25:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hd2ci/new_forced_diet_new_excuse/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Books about ED?
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 113 | 19.4 | -2| Woman]
Created: Wed Jun 14 23:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcz28/books_about_ed/
---
So I've already read Wasted, Unbearable Lightness, and Wintergirls, and found a whole list on tumblr which I will link below with !!MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!! bc it links to a thinspo blog. If anyone has read any of the books on the list or wants to suggest another please comment. I'm looking for one that is, while also potentially triggering, is realistic especially realistic. Any that take place in inpatient would be great also.

LINK TO TUMBLR TW TW TWhttps://theaternoteater.tumblr.com/post/161030648720/eating-disorder-books-masterlist

---

[Rant/Rave] I just threw up from bingeing
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:54:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcxj9/i_just_threw_up_from_bingeing/
---
(I don't purge btw, I just ate too much)

I've been bingeing since last friday. I knew this was gonna happen eventually. My stomach couldn't take it anymore, and I guess today was the breaking point. I felt like I was about to explode anytime now. It even came out of my nose wtf.

I feel so disgusted. I've always been afraid of throwing up, and did everything I could to avoid having it happen to me. In fact, the last time I threw up was when I was 9, after getting sick during karate class. I remember it so well because it was one of the worst days of my life tbh.

I know people around me always laugh and stuff after a big dinner, like "damn, I truly ate like a pig didnt i hahahahaha" but right now, it's not funny. This is sick. This is not normal. Who the fuck eats the whole kitchen 5 days in a row to the point where they feel they're gonna die, regret it, and then do it again the fucking next day.

This is the last straw. I hope what happened today will be what breaks this bingeing strike I've been on. Food disgusts me. I don't know why I want it so much.

Time to fast for a week i guess lol

---

[Rant/Rave] Did So Well Today! [Rave]
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 101.8 | 16 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:39:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcv4p/did_so_well_today_rave/
---
So I work as a server at a member's only restaurant. We're basically a retreat/resort that caters to the 1% and the food reflects that. To give you an idea, I served Giuliana Rancic last week and tonight Adam Levine is dining with us. The problem for me is being around so much rich, fatty food all the time! The kitchen staff is awesome, and they always give us tons of extra food throughout the day besides our employee meals (think meat, potatoes fried in some fashion, and sad salad). I do my best and keep using my vegetarianism/vegan leanings as an excuse to refuse a lot of dishes, but sometimes the temptation is reaaal on a 12 hr shift. But today... I put my foot down. Brought my own smoothie (frozen fruit + rice milk etc), skipped the employee meal, and had a 25cal pack of seaweed instead. And throughout the day, I drank no soda (just sparkling water & lemon), had a half cup of soup and a small side fruit bowl. And I'm so fucking proud of myself! Ever since I reached my LW (haven't updated my flair in a while, oops) I've been in a nasty b/p cycle and I'm really trying to get back into better restriction as it helps prevent those binges. I just feel like I'm on the right track, I lost almost 4 pounds in the week, and I'm gonna ride this high til it dies out in a massive breakdown 👍👍👍

---

[Other] i have a soda stream ama
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:33:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcu9i/i_have_a_soda_stream_ama/
---
[removed]

---

[Humor] My plate speaks the truth
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcpc0/my_plate_speaks_the_truth/
---
http://i.imgur.com/JGwkbJD.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Irrationally upset but just need to vent
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Wed Jun 14 21:31:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hck61/irrationally_upset_but_just_need_to_vent/
---
So my boyfriend asked me how many servings of rice were in a container in the fridge and I told him 2. Then he felt the need to check the back of the bag of rice TWICE, ask me 3 more times if I was sure, then ask how many servings should be missing from the bag.

I finally told him to fucking trust me because I measure my food more meticulously than he does and he has the nerve to give me a doubtful look which I sarcastically thanked him for, and then say "I don't think that's true".

Fuck you. I know I'm fat. I also know I've lost 35 pounds in 3 months and you're not fucking worried. I also know I've eaten under 750 for the last 2 weeks and you haven't fucking noticed, or you don't fucking care. I can't figure out which.

I hate this big fat body and that nobody, even the people I've told everything to, can believe I'm sick. I just want to cut myself out of this prison. I don't want a body anymore. Nobody believes me. Nobody thinks I'm sick. Nobody is even concerned. So fuck this shit. Fuck it all.

---

[Discussion] People that have had EDs since being a teen, what do you put for your LW?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 21:06:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcfup/people_that_have_had_eds_since_being_a_teen_what/
---
I've had disordered eating since I was 11, and I'm still probably not fully developed (late bloomer :/). I'm pretty sure I'm still getting taller, so what do I put for my LW? I'd say 98 because that was when I was 5'2 at 11 and first developed an ED, but I'm 4" taller now

---

[Goal] 11 days. I will not binge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:59:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcel3/11_days_i_will_not_binge/
---
For the next 11 days, I am STRICTLY going to have 800 a day or less. Then I'll go visit my sister and probably be forced into eating a bunch of shit. And I promised to bring back Kvik Lunsj for my friends and I will NOT eat any of that shit.

I want to be skinny by the time school starts

---

[Rant/Rave] "You're maintaining your weight *pretty* well"
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:58:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcefh/youre_maintaining_your_weight_pretty_well/
---
Backstory: Always been a chubby kid, lost 50 lbs through ED (what my fam thinks was a "diet") and now am maintaining my weight (even though I def need to lose). I was around 95 during my initial weightloss, 3 years ago. Then went through "recover" last year. Now I'm stuck around 115 and hating myself for it.

ANYWAY, visiting fam in boston I haven't seen in a while and my aunt who diets a lot was complimenting me saying I've maintained my weight loss pretty well. Even though she didn't emphasize "pretty" all I could hear was that qualifying word telling me I've gained weight. I know it was a compliment but it made me hate myself even more.

---

[Rant/Rave] You know you're fucked up when you use one of the 7 year olds you teach as thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:53:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcdnz/you_know_youre_fucked_up_when_you_use_one_of_the/
---
:/

---

[Discussion] How bad do your binges get?
/u/boldheart [5'5.5" | CW 202.2 lbs | 33.58 | -39.8 lbs | FtM]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:41:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcblt/how_bad_do_your_binges_get/
---
I've always felt like an outlier for my "worst super power ever" ability to eat ridiculous amounts of calories in a single day. Like body builder levels... Just curious what your binges are like? Anyone this bad? :c

(Can't flair, am mobile trash.)

---

[Discussion] Eugenia Cooney thoughts?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 130lbs | 21.07 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:23:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hc8a3/eugenia_cooney_thoughts/
---
Just wondered if anyone else watches her videos/follows her on insta/knows who she is.

I know she gets a lot of hate, but I just don't think they understand. I wish I knew what her height and weight were!!!

---

[Other] I bought some goodies today :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:07:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hc5k4/i_bought_some_goodies_today/
---
https://i.redd.it/ibq43p6dwp3z.jpg

---

[Discussion] DAE get jealous/triggered by irrational things?
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Wed Jun 14 19:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hc24c/dae_get_jealoustriggered_by_irrational_things/
---
I was out shopping with my kids in a department store and literally felt insecure because we passed by the skinny mannequins in the women's section. The freaking mannequins! 🤦🏼‍♀️

---

[Rant/Rave] 10 months ago I was 10 lbs lighter.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 19:10:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hbv09/10_months_ago_i_was_10_lbs_lighter/
---
I took a look at my weight logs from last year. I got down to 122. That is *5 lbs away* from my lw. Yesterday I was 132. Granted, I've lost ~5 lbs this year, but still... 122 seems so far away. It will take me at least a year to get back there at my current rate. I wish I could still restrict below 1500 anymore. Ugh. Idk. Sorry for the shitpost. I just have been having a really rough time this week.

---

[Rant/Rave] My friends decided to go to Lemonberry tonight (frozen yogurt)
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'11" | CW 155 | GW 145 | -10 | F | vegetarian]
Created: Wed Jun 14 19:06:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hbucy/my_friends_decided_to_go_to_lemonberry_tonight/
---
And I ate 440 calories of frozen yogurt. Sigh. I'm 440 calories over my daily goal of 1100 :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Broke my fast and binged and no I still feel like shit...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 17:46:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hbesj/broke_my_fast_and_binged_and_no_i_still_feel_like/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave.

I was out today and had made it 8 full days without food and then this afternoon or binged on 3300 calories of stuff. I feel like I'm going to gain a ton of weight even though theoretically I would only gain a pound right?

Right!?!? One pound equals 3500 calories and I've had a deficit of more than that total the past 8 days. Maybe I will put on food weight but my body hopefully won't hoard it. If I fast for the rest of tomorrow I can negate it right?

Next time I think I will try easing back into food and eating. Right now I am in physical pain and my stomach hurts so much. This is what I get. I also took a bunch of laxatives so I might not be doing so great in a few hours. I'd purge if people weren't home.

I feel like shit.

8 days off and one really bad day that hopefully doesn't undo 8 days of progress...

Willow.

---

[Rant/Rave] Got called tiny at my therapist appt today
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 17:04:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb66v/got_called_tiny_at_my_therapist_appt_today/
---
I got there a few minutes early, so I was just hanging out by the counter. This sweet older lady and my therapist come out, my therapist looks around and says "did my next appointment come in?" I went "Yeah, I'm over here" and the lady goes "oh! I didn't even see you! She's so tiny she was hiding behind the counter!" I'm not sure how to feel. I should be happy I guess, but I just feel like she's delusional. :-/

---

[Thinspo] Anna Sentina's arms
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:58:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb4td/anna_sentinas_arms/
---
https://i.redd.it/mh70j6qnyo3z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] my ED has made me disgustingly jealous AKA I hate relationships
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:47:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb2c9/rant_my_ed_has_made_me_disgustingly_jealous_aka_i/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] EC Stack Long-Term Efficacy
/u/Neatsfoot [5'8" 🐝]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb2bk/ec_stack_longterm_efficacy/
---
Have any of you been EC stackin' long-term (>6 months)?

I'm curious if you've noticed any changes in its efficacy or negative side effects. I've found some vague forum responses on the issue, but nothing concrete.

Thanks!

---

[Other] A typical meal only my fellow ED folks would understand.
/u/OortLimit [5'0|CW:90|BMI:17.58|GW:82|22F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:43:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb1mb/a_typical_meal_only_my_fellow_ed_folks_would/
---
http://imgur.com/HpRhSFi

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[Discussion] DAE *reasonably* feel like they could stop anytime they wanted to?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:26:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haxur/dae_reasonably_feel_like_they_could_stop_anytime/
---
I feel like my mind is very disordered, and it's clear that the way I lose weight (and how underweight I want to be) is extreme. I understand that. But I still feel like I'm choosing to restrict every day. I feel like I could stop, I *could* eat normal amounts of food if I wanted to, I just don't want to and I don't think I'll ever be in a place mentally where I'd be okay with being at a normal weight.

But in spite of all that I still feel like I have control over it. I know that's such a cliché, "She had control over her ED until it took control of her!!!" but I feel like I'm not in that extreme no-turning-back stage yet. I'm not sure if I ever will be. I know my brain is disordered but I feel like I'm opting in to an ED, because honestly, acting on my disordered feelings about food takes a lot of effort and it's something I actively and constantly make the choice to do.

---

[Other] Life stood still for a minute
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hapya/life_stood_still_for_a_minute/
---
I was in my orientation classes for nursing and I had a grand mal seizure. My classmates were amazing nurses and helped, my boyfriend has been amazing, my family understanding, my manager so so generous and the ED staff wonderful.

But yeah first ever seizure today. A grand mal at that.

---

[Discussion] DAE delay eating until as late in the day as possible to prevent a binge?
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 136| GW: Kate Middleton| F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haohe/dae_delay_eating_until_as_late_in_the_day_as/
---
Lately I've been noticing that I'll have my lil 166 cal breakfast (sliced tomatoes with a teensy bit of chive light cream cheese on toast) and then I'll wait as long as possible to have dinner so that I can keep that big 'calories remaining' green number in MFP...I'm afraid that if I eat lunch/dinner at a normal time, by evening I'll want to snack and wont have the self-control not to. Plus I like ending the day with calories left-over, in case I'm faced with junk food/alcohol/ice cream over the weekend and dont have as much self-control.

So my meal timing looks like:

Wake up 6:30

Meal 1: sometime between 12 and 1:30pm

delay eating anything else until like 8:30, take a long time to cook my meal, eat at 9/9:30

bed by 10.

---

[Humor] A guide to diet sodas
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:41:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haofg/a_guide_to_diet_sodas/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/l7wMY

---

[Help] question
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:25:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hakvs/question/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] It's hilarious that I ever thought I'd be free
/u/mindover_madness
Created: Wed Jun 14 14:40:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haadn/its_hilarious_that_i_ever_thought_id_be_free/
---
I've had a couple of accounts on here over the last few months. I relapsed last summer after a few years of pretty real recovery. Anyways, I tried to get back into recovery but of course it all came crashing down.

People have been making the "you look healthy" comments lately and I'm so fucking done. I stepped on the scale today and I'm 10 pounds up from my relapse weight. I want to fucking die.

Anyways, here's to black tea and self-hatred.

---

[Rant/Rave] Quit. Buying. Me. Food.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 14:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ha5iw/quit_buying_me_food/
---
[deleted]

---

[Humor] Thought you guys might laugh at my groceries.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 14:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ha3dj/thought_you_guys_might_laugh_at_my_groceries/
---
https://i.redd.it/v0d63rcl4o3z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] I am on a dangerous path and I hope I can still turn back..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 13:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9xtl/i_am_on_a_dangerous_path_and_i_hope_i_can_still/
---
On mobile so flair as rant/rave or help.

So I want to preface by saying I don't believe I am a bad person. I think I am sick and that I act carelessly as a symptom of my sickless.

I am diagnosed bipolar type 2, I have PTSF, generalized anxiety and pretty much the tryfecta of eating disorders: I restrict, binge and purge sometimes for days at a time but am primary been diagnosed with bulimia and BED because my bmi has never been low enough to be anorexic only at typical anorexia.

So that is about me. Some character traits of bipolar are a lack of impulse control. I think that being depressed and anxious really feels into my disordered eating tendencies. I need control because I don't feel in control.

In highschool I struggled with substances and for about a 6 month stint I took up shoplifting as a hobby. I did have a job and got an allowance from my parents to pay for lunches I never ate but stealing appealed to me on a rebellious level and a thrill seeking level. I never stole because I needed anything. I stole because I wanted to see if I could.

I had a partner in crime and we used to take things from the Kroger grocery store across the street from school. During a lunch time rush with a lot of kids coming in and out with backpacks it was easy to slip things into our pockets. It was usually small stuff we didn't think they'd notice, sandwiches from the deli, energy drinks, sodas, candy bars, whatever we could nap in a couple minutes, occasionally fruit. What it was doesn't matter, a couple times beer.

So this went on for months and we thought they were none the wiser until a time we tried to pull off a hit in the morning which has never happened before usually it was during lunch or after school when it was slow or busy.

So we try a hit in the morning and something doesn't feel right. It was a sting they had planned for weeks after noticing us both. My friend escaped and I was caught by a manager and held in a back office until cops came.

I spent that afternoon or a few hours in holding at the local police precinct. I was able to get the charge off my record later because I was only 16 at the time. I said I'd never steal again.

Flash back to the present day and this week I have been aggressively fasting and also found myself taking bigger risks because I already don't care about my health.

A couple days ago I managed a couple energy drinks from a safeway. I bought some stuff to divert attention at the u scan but concealed before I got to the u scan. On a different day I was at a Savers (a thrift store for fucks sake! This sounds bad) and I picked several books, some small jewelry, and little stuff. Probably 20 to 30 bucks in jewelry at least what they were charging.

Today is my day off and I usually go thrifting and so I have been to a couple good wills and a few Savers and lifted little things from each one. I was beside myself thinking I could get away with it.

I have a good reputation with most the managers and employees because I used to work at Savers and goodwill a couple years ago and I'm a weekly or biweekly regular. I have actually pointed out people I suspect of stealing to help out my friends.

Because of this I am not an obvious suspect. I am caught up in the thrill of steal but also heavy with guilt because I know it's wrong. I need to stop this because I get caught and charged as an adult. A criminal record could ruin my life and I don't want to go to jail even though I know steal or small time theft is misdemeanor.

I feel like my ED and being bipolar turns me into an awful person. I feel like businesses make hefty profits as is that I'm somehow sticking it to them by stealing but I know it's wrong and out of my character.

Sorry this may have been off topic of ED but I feel like it's exacerbated by my ED all the stress I put myself and my feeling put of control makes me want to seek more control. Also I don't feel like I can't eat today after being an awful person.

I feel sick to my stomach and my stomach is in a lot of pain. It's been nearly constant for days now but I haven't eaten in 8 days...

Thank to anyone who read this rant.

Willow.

---

[Humor] Someone suggested an ED-grocery-haul weekly thread. Here's my shame haul; everything was on sale!
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 13:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9uzh/someone_suggested_an_edgroceryhaul_weekly_thread/
---
https://i.redd.it/7h1x9883yn3z.jpg

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[Discussion] Anyone else here never ever been called pretty or handsome?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 13:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9qvp/anyone_else_here_never_ever_been_called_pretty_or/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE have a personal definition of obesity?
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:53:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9l85/dae_have_a_personal_definition_of_obesity/
---
My body weight has been fluctuating for two​ years now between 109-130. I've sort of determined my own "obesity scale" based on how my body looks. 100-115 is "healthy weight", 115-125 is "overweight" and 125-130 is "obese". I'm just now leaving the obese category and I'm so thankful. Does anyone else have their own body standards like this?

edit: I only use this for myself!!!! I love everyone else and generally don't think about how much they weigh unless they look unhealthy or are my goals

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[Rant/Rave] It’s funny how a seemingly benign remark can motivate you.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:49:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9k4k/its_funny_how_a_seemingly_benign_remark_can/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So I had the flu...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:46:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9jgi/so_i_had_the_flu/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] sssstressss
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 105.0 | 19.20 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9hv4/sssstressss/
---
can we talk about how I'm moving to the Netherlands in 28 days and I am not prepared and I find out if I got into my masters program next week and I find out if I got a job at a school in the Netherlands next week too and I've gained two pounds I'm ONLY FREAKING OUT A LITTLE.

Also, no friends in europe, hmu if you live over there

---

[Discussion] Low restrictors: how do you keep from fainting?
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Wed Jun 14 11:57:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h97ig/low_restrictors_how_do_you_keep_from_fainting/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone been in saline drip?
/u/MariaCaterina [5'5" | GW: 111lbs | -20lbs | 20F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 11:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8ywz/anyone_been_in_saline_drip/
---
I had an IV placed today because I had to do a bunch of blood draws and decided it was better than getting stuck eight times. I never even considered until RN was actually placing the bag that I would be on a saline drip all day when they weren't drawing blood. (I guess if they don't have something being pumped in or out, the vein collapses? Or something? At the best of times my understanding of medicine is sketchy and I woke up at 4:30 today to get to the hospital in time for my appt, so RN's explanation went over my head.) This should rehydrate me (I am a chronic B/Per, and thus chronically dehydrated), right? I am kind of glad but afraid that there will be bloat or something. If you have been placed on a saline drip, or if you know anything about side effects, please lmk what to expect.

(On mobile, stuck i. a chair, with one arm tied to a pole. Will flair asap.)

---

[Help] My appetite is insatiable in the days before my period.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 10:46:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8qaz/my_appetite_is_insatiable_in_the_days_before_my/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Can I rant to you guys? (Not really ED related)
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 10:21:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8kg4/can_i_rant_to_you_guys_not_really_ed_related/
---
Hey guys. I've posted here a handful of times, but I've never formally introduced myself. So here is a bit of an intro/rant session. Most of this has nothing to do with ED, so I hope this is ok. I really don't know who else to go to.

Short intro (including ED)- growing up I have always struggled with severe depression. I self harmed for about four years in middle/high school, until I made a promise to myself and other people never to self harm again. In sophomore year I started fasting and restricting, and lost 40 pounds only to gain it back the next year with BED. I "recovered" shortly after, which means that I ate whatever and didn't even think about it, which lead me to my HW. I have now gone back to restricting and fasting, and I now weigh what I did at 15.

Now for the rant (this is going to be long, sorry)- I got married at 18 to a guy I met online, and I moved across the country to live with him and his family. There were 8 of us in one house. Two alcoholics, two drug addicts, two kids, and my husband and I. It's been a mess, but I've been here 3 and a half years and have never caused any kind of drama or problems.

This is the dynamic of the house: people get angry, curse each other out and call every name in the book, throw things at each other, threaten each other with guns, and then go to bed. In the morning, everyone is sober and it's never talked about again. I don't work that way.

Last year, my mother in law invited her brother to move in with us, knowing that he is an abusive drunk who has been to jail multiple times for abuse. When he gets drunk, he says and does stupid things that make us all uncomfortable. I have, for some reason, become a target for him. He has insulted me, cursed at me, burned me with firecrackers he threw at me, and two nights ago insulted my family.

I talked with MIL about this, hoping that she would be able to control him, or at least push him to move out. She just swept it under the rug, calling me foolish for listening to him because "that's just how he gets." She said that there's no use arguing with a drunk person, and I should just not listen to him. That's really hard for me to do when he gets my attention only to bully me. I feel stranded and alone in my own home.

Yesterday I did the only thing I really know to do when I feel alone, and I ranted on Facebook to my family about how I was feeling, and how I'm sick of my feelings being invalidated. MIL saw this and went on a commenting spree calling me immature and telling me that I don't know what abuse is. She then screamed at me in person for making her look bad. But I never named names. She chose to comment and identify herself, making herself look worse than I ever did.

I made the mistake of telling her, in tears, that for the first time in almost six years I feel like self harming again, and I'm scared that I will. She rolled her eyes and used it against me, calling me a fool yet again.

Every time she has cried in the last three and a half years since I moved in, I have been there to dry the tears. I have sat with her for hours holding her and comforting her. Never have I once told her that she's a fool for feeling hurt. I cannot believe that she would turn around and treat me this way when I'm the one crying now.

I feel so alone, you guys. I don't know what to do. On one hand, I know she isn't worth the scars that self harm will leave on me. But on the other hand, that's the only thing that used to dry my tears when I felt like this. I blocked her on Facebook, but now all of her friends are ganging up on me, cursing me out and telling me to take down my rant. But I feel since she is fine with all kinds of things being said to me, I should be able to say my piece as well. I never said anything that wasn't true, and she is upset because my family from back home is defending me and not her.

I have this crushing feeling in my heart and stomach that I can only describe as depression. Was this all my fault? Should I have kept quiet? Should I give in to my intense desire to self harm, just so it can numb me enough to get some sleep? I don't know.

I guess the only good thing to come from this is I was too upset to eat all day yesterday and ended up fasting for almost 40 hours. I also took a two and a half mile walk to escape the house for a while.

I'm sorry if this is a bunch of word vomit. I'm just so lost. Thank you to everyone who reads this. You guys are the support system I really need right now.

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I finally stopped gaining...
/u/lua_89 [5'5" | moo]
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:55:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8e7o/i_think_i_finally_stopped_gaining/
---
I've been too ashamed to post here. I've been stuck in this binge cycle for over a year. I'm at my highest weight ever - 154 lbs - and I barely even recognise my body. That's the first time I've even typed my weight out or mentioned it to anyone. I'm desperate enough that I decreased my dose of anxiety medication... I'm anxious 24/7 now but over the last two weeks my weight has been stable. It's not much of a victory but seeing as I've gained 40 pounds in the last year I guess I'll take it.

I see my psychiatrist Friday and she's offered to refer me to an eating disorder program, but I don't think I'm ready. I just don't know anymore. I feel like somebody else.

---

[Help] I need help, please
/u/TemporaryAccount_101 [5'3'' | AHAHAH | -5.5kgs | 18F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:52:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8dh4/i_need_help_please/
---
I never asked for help with my ED all my life.

But I've come to a point in my life where even though I'm self-destroying myself, I can't stop.

I used to have anorexia, and now spiraled into BED with no purging.

I gained everything back and more, and I hate it, but I can't seem to stop.

I was able to lose weight during school times because I had things to do, and now, until I go back home in 11 days, I have nothing to do but eat.

Today is already ruined, but, how can I get to go back to somewhat normal eating patterns?

Idk how to do it, I?m going crazy, my mom is gonna fatshame me, and my friends are gonna go back calling me 'whale'

I can't stop, but I need to, I CRAVE going back to how I was, but my body won't follow my heart.

I need help, please.

**edit, forgot how to put tags**

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[Intro] I sabotage myself and i don't know how to stop it
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:45:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8bq2/i_sabotage_myself_and_i_dont_know_how_to_stop_it/
---
I'm super obese (5'6" and 200 lbs) but I post here anyway cause I restrict/binge/restrict and have a super unhealthy relationship with food and stuff. And nobody's been unwelcoming and y'all are awesome. Anyway.

I've​ been around the 200-210 mark for over ten years now. I restrict down to 198 or something, aka restrict for a few days, and then it's like something snaps and I just binge until I'm back up to 202 or 205. And then I hate myself and I'm fucking disgusting so I restrict back to under 200 and then I'm back again doing the same fucking thing.

I don't know how to stop. I'm guessing it dates back to some teenage sexual abuse (since that seems to be the case​ for at least half of all eating disorders) because if I'm fat then men don't pay attention to me. Maybe? IDK I need therapy probably.

I think I'm going to start tracking with a journal and put the scale away for a while. I don't know what else to do. I'm​just tired of not having control over what I'm doing. I can set goals all I want but ten years of never reaching them is getting old. Very old. I'm so tired.

Thank you for reading

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling heavy today. No pun intended.
/u/Olivia4517
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:44:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8bfe/feeling_heavy_today_no_pun_intended/
---
Some days (today) my mental health gets the best of me in this neverending game. I'm experiencing some significant stress in my personal life right now between my 55 hour work weeks and my relationship falling apart AND my recovery. I am in recovery from drug addiction as well as my ed. Though I wouldn't say I'm doing jack shit to recover from my eating d/o. I digress. Anyway, I used to be able to manage the insanity of my obsessive and compulsive thoughts surrounding food when everything else was holding together. Lately I am coming unglued in all of the ways. I can't help but get this heavy heart when I think about the fact that I'll likely never recover from this. I don't mean to sound morbid and I hope I'm not manifesting my destiny in that regard, but that is how it feels. I'm fifteen years deep on this struggle and so far, although I've had periods of marked improvement, the OBSESSION never goes away. It feels hopeless at times. I hate that I think about nothing else and I'm always looking at my reflection and I can't look at an almond or a slice of pizza without mentally calculating the calories, fat content, and carbs. I have been driving myself crazy for a long time. I know that many people here are not trying to get better and truth be told I am not either because I can't fathom the weight gain that it implies...but does anybody else have these thoughts? Do you feel trapped? Do you feel like you will never get better? I need reassurance that somebody else is where I am and maybe that it's possible to truly recover...

Feeling so down today. I apologize for the darkness.

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[Discussion] Antidepressants
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 78 lbs | 14.89 | -24ish | f]
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:39:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8ac8/antidepressants/
---
Hello lovelies... i went to the doctor yesterday to have my bloods/mental health handled and i walked away with a prescription for generic Lexapro. I'm gonna start it tonight (after i'm done purging for the day).

Anybody else on mess wanna share a little what it's like? And specifically how it plays with an ED?

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[Rant/Rave] fucking love working with kids [rant]
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | CW 155 | 25.12 | GW 128 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 08:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7yoy/fucking_love_working_with_kids_rant/
---
I have a weird shape, especially here in Korea. I am extreme pear. Like normal looking torso and obese looking legs/hips. I don't really find it all attractive, but it's a type, so at least ive got that going for me.

Anyway, the kids love talking about how fat my legs are. And how they are too big. and i know they're kids. but holy shit. holy shit guys this is killing my soul. it's at least every other day. it's been two months

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[Rant/Rave] Tfw everyone brings in food at school
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 08:44:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7xlg/tfw_everyone_brings_in_food_at_school/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] People commenting on how much food I eat/don't eat...triggering my disorder?
/u/skydiver89
Created: Wed Jun 14 08:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7qn2/people_commenting_on_how_much_food_i_eatdont/
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I have binge eating disorder, but have lost tons of weight due to a medication I am taking for SH. I still binge every now and then, but not as often as I used to.

Anyways. I've noticed a lot of people comment on how much food I eat when I am out eating with them. I think it's rude and it makes me self conscious! My one close friend knows about my ED and we were at a restaurant and I was eating a tomato omelette with cheese. I finished the whole thing. He then said "Looks like there will be no leftovers today." Ahhh, FUCKING TRIGGERED! I kept my cool though and didn't talk about it..I know I should have. This person doesn't mean any harm to me and will be really upset if he knows he did hurt me.

It sucks because we go to this restaurant every Sunday and to me, breakfast is the only meal I feel like I'm not binge eating. But lately, I have been leaving a little bit of all food left so he can't say anything...even if I am still hungry. It shouldn't be like that. =[

But I am finding that more and more people do this to me and each other. It's fucked up. Who cares how much others eat or how much they don't eat?! Mind your own fucking business and concentrate on your own food! Rant over.

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[Discussion] Psyllium husk caplets?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 07:53:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7mjb/psyllium_husk_caplets/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Dear proED.
/u/to_bleedis_tolive [67in. | CW: 160/24.97 | GW1: 144; UGW: 121| -31 | 24F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 06:30:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h76c3/dear_proed/
---
I have been sincerely struggling lately. I'm back in school and the anxiety is as high as it was when I was hospitalized for suicide attempt in 2015. I gained 10 pounds. I'm making B's in my classes (which might seem okay but is beyond unacceptable for me.)

At least I'm not suicidal?

This is my testament to everyone else who is struggling: one. Second. At. A. Time. Seriously. For me, the whole "one day/hour at a time" is far too overwhelming for me.

I'm struggling in fucking college algebra. Like I'm supposed to be brilliant, I'm in the honors program, high-ish gpa, graduate school bound.

Eating 2500-3000 calories a day. I've been SH free for a little over 5 months, but I'm so close to relapsing it's almost a joke. Showering is hard for me, my room is disgusting, I'm lying to my work about shit because I'm too stressed to come to work. I'm working 50 hours a week and taking 4 summer classes and I SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS.

I'm 24. I should have had my BS years ago, but I'm still working a job I hate, and I can't even do my ED right (this is awful thinking, I know. You can't do an ED right, etc).

I have been MIA here because lol I haven't been doing anything to be proud of and I literally am so depressed I can't read posts about people's goals.

Someone send help please. Any advice is welcome. Anything, ugh. I don't want to go up on my meds again. I want to spiral into fasting.

:( thank you for being here. I have no friends.

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 14 06:12:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h735k/daily_food_diary_june_14_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday June 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 14 06:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h72x2/way_to_go_wednesday_june_14_2017/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 14, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Thinspo] Lingerie thinspo ❤
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 05:24:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6v3b/lingerie_thinspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/ij9D8

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[Help] Help breaking food rituals
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 05:23:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6v2a/help_breaking_food_rituals/
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Nearly every day for the past three weeks I've fallen victim to this new ridiculous habit. I'm slowly gaining and can't stop, I would've reached one of my goals by now if this didn't happen.

I have to buy two packs of m&ms, original and crispy. Then sort them by colour and eat two at a time, alternating types. I even have to crunch and chew each type in a particular way.

It's not hunger, it's just a strange habit I can't stop. I have to alternate where I buy them too as the people in the shop must be noticing what I buy by now...I'm so embarrassed and just want this to STOP.

Does anyone else have any food rituals that they're trying to break, or any ideas on how to cut this out? I'm struggling so much here, I feel absolutely insane. Every day in this body is torture, yet I just keep encouraging this misery.

(Mobile flair: help)

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[Rant/Rave] God bless Pokémon Go
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Wed Jun 14 05:11:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6t8y/god_bless_pokémon_go/
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YES I STILL PLAY THAT JUNK

Seriously though, I went from laying around all day, wasting time and binging and purging to walking 5+ miles every day and being pretty productive.... but still binging and purging.

Plus, I caught Vulpix and Ponyta, which were my childhood favourites!! I'm so proud of them, even though I'm more of a water type lass now.

This is a weird post with no point, sorry. Uhh. Have a wonderful day, everyone!! I'm sending y'all hugs and ice cold diet drinks to keep you cool on these hellish days! c:

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[Help] Dietary restrictions- help!
/u/aimingforzero
Created: Wed Jun 14 04:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6mkh/dietary_restrictions_help/
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So I just got out of the hospital for a GI bleed and am on strict low acid, low fiber diet while everything heals. And although I consider myself mostly recovered, I guess I just now realizing how much I relied on "safe foods" because to me they were just "normal."

Now I have no idea what to eat and feel okay with. No raw veg, no whole grains, no fruit, no popcorn, pickles, salsa. No cruciferous veg AT ALL.

Any ideas guys? I have to eat or it could make it flare up, but everything I normally eat is no the banned list. HELP!!!

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[Discussion] Diet soda preferences
/u/gala-gala
Created: Wed Jun 14 03:40:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6gff/diet_soda_preferences/
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So what's your diet soda of choice and why?


Mine is Pepsi wild cherry, the one with 2.3 kcal per can because 1) it tastes nice even if it's warm (like all pepsi sodas) 2) it's basically pepsi light but tastier

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[Discussion] What are some essential ED items?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 03:28:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6etm/what_are_some_essential_ed_items/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck you Body! I'm only going to make things worse for you!
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 02:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6afk/fuck_you_body_im_only_going_to_make_things_worse/
---
On mobile flair as rant rave.

So I am kinda tipsy even though I only had one whiskey and one gin and soda water and walked like 4 miles plus being on my feet all day working. I drank a lot of coke zero which I am sure adds up but I feel like I must be retaining more liquid now. I hope the scale changes by morning. This morning I was under 165 lbs and just a minute ago I was 170 and I know I didn't eat anything because I haven't IN ALMOST 8 FUCKING DAYS so my body is being some fucking hoarder. I thought about a binge day followed by purging or laxatives cause the likelihood of one binge day (for me 2000 to 3000 calories average) undoing 8 days of fasting seems unlikely but now I feel like I can't break my fast until by body fucking cooperates

Open letter to my body:

You have a ton of fat and muscle mass to consume to eat that and stop hoarding water and liquids you God damned whore! ( I don't mean where as a derogatory term for women just as someone who might be considered greedy)

I get my body is panicking and trying to survive and shit but if it doesn't cooperate I am only going to have to be harder on it. I want this weight gone and I'm fucking sick of losing then gaining and will risk a lot to get what I believe is best. I don't care if I get malnourished or sick or tires or headache this weight is leaving my body. If it doesn't do what I want I will only make things worse because I hate myself.

Not counting coke zero which I hope it's negligible. I had less than 500 calories of alcohol maybe four shots total so In the realm of 400 to 500 maybe plus some diet coke. I need to switch to drinking more water.

I am seriously fucking pissed at my body right now for holding on to all this shit. There hasn't been food in my stomach on days and it's hoarding all this liquid. I may consider self harm If tomorrow isn't a possible outcome. My body needs to be punished for it noncompliance.

Hoping tomorrow or when I wake up is better. Sometimes alcohol gives me the much needed woosh. So I'm pissed and tired and hope I get up to pee a bunch so I can be done with all this water and stuff. Once again

FUCK YOU BODY YOU THANKLESS FAT PIECE OF SHIT!

Willow.

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[Rant/Rave] Mother in law came for dinner
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 14 01:35:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h60rz/mother_in_law_came_for_dinner/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Everyone at home forgot my birthday.
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 01:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5xsr/everyone_at_home_forgot_my_birthday/
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I was sad for a minute until I realized no one made me cake. Now I don't have to politely eat a few bites in front of family and binge once they're all asleep. I'll take zero temptation for $2000 Alex!


Edit: Thank you EVERYONE! for saying nice things and sending well wishes. It means a lot. This really is the nicest group of internet strangers on Reddit. <3

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Sewer backup because of ME
/u/feeblefoibles [5'5"| 112.8 | 19.0 | -11 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 00:24:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5qvr/rant_sewer_backup_because_of_me/
---
I never post, but have lurked for a while now. I'm bulimic and have been for 15 years now.

So Saturday night, I couldn't get "my" basement toilet to flush all of my puke. No big deal, I've taken a plunger to it before... This time I couldn't get it unclogged and draining, even after many flushes and dranol. Fuck.

Then, I noticed the adjacent spare bedroom carpet is soaking wet. SHIT. Now I HAVE to tell my bf, who I live with (it's his house, I sold mine a year ago and moved in with him).

We both tried unclogging this disaster for hours, and in the process caused it to overflow fucking chunks of undigested food and feces across the bathroom floor. I can't even describe the smell, it's like death. I've been using this old toilet with 1970s plumbing every single day for the past year...

We have emergency biohazard restoration services set up down there now, had the city in to try and snake the line out to the sanitary main, and a plumber today removed the toilet and snaked the whole pipeline to the main three times - it's still clogged and they don't know what the problem is. We have the insurance adjuster coming tomorrow to determine whether the basement restoration will be covered. I'm SO AFRAID he's going to see my puke and decide it can't be covered, and my bf (but really I) will have to shell out tens of thousands of dollars. Bottom line, we're on the hook for the repair to our pipeline, tens of thousands of dollars down the fucking shitter (lol.. literally).

And what have I done every night since? Ate hotel buffets and puked in someone else's toilet. I know this should be a turning point, but I just can't, CAN'T, stop this. I am a fucking disgusting MONSTER. What am I going to do??

Anyone else ever fucked up this bad? :(

---

[Discussion] Maximizing brain power while restricting?
/u/edjericho
Created: Wed Jun 14 00:21:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5qfq/maximizing_brain_power_while_restricting/
---
Hi everyone,

I have been restricting to 500cal/day, and I have found that it has a very large impact on my performance during exams - i can't focus properly while I'm studying, and zone out when I'm taking a test.

I have 3 very important exams coming up, and I need to get a really high mark on them to guarantee uni acceptance. I'm feeling really uncomfortable about increasing my intake, so I was wondering what any students here do to decrease the lack of focus and score well while restricting.

Thank you all very much <3

---

[Rant/Rave] I have no friends and the "friends" I do are shitty to me and I let them be shitty.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 00:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5ovp/i_have_no_friends_and_the_friends_i_do_are_shitty/
---
On mobile flair as rant rave.

I was looking forward to drinking with my coworkers after work but no one wanted to go out. I didn't want to go out so I called up my highschool friend who I see sometimes. Honestly he's a little boring sometimes but we have known each other since highschool and honestly I have I like no friends.

So a little about A.

He's skinny as shit (not triggering at all)
He is diabetic and watches his carbs but seldom eat much. He actually knows when he's full and stops eating but also goes hours without eating but feels likes he "eats a lot". I count his calories one day we hung out and he barely ate 1400 calories which is below his TDEE I think he's shorter than me by a bit.

He doesn't drink or smoke. He doesn't party. He's been by designated driver for some nights in the past. So he's skinnier than me without really trying but he's also just weird. He likes sports. I don't. He can be really awkward and gets religious about some places like site restaurants. We used to go to this dive type breakfast place together until we got fed up.

His latest thing has been a little Mexican cantina bar place with a good happy hour. all he ever does is drink diet coke and eat two plates of tacos he tries to flirt up the 30 something married bartender lady because she actually gives him attention.

So here I am. I have a drink and he is being cringey and all I can think about is the vegan chocolate chip banana pancakes I had my coworker make for me to take home but at the last minute I ditched them in the dumpster behind work after being blown off for drinks.

I wanted those pancakes but I knew I didn't deserve them and they would only open up Pandora box to a binge. I might have a drink or two and take the long walking route home.

I feel shitty and my friend isn't really helping. This is the same friend who dropped very intoxicated me off at a strangers house to be sexuality assaulted and raped by a stranger and it caused my relationship to end because he said I made the choice when I couldn't consent and told the stranger I had a girlfriend and he told my girlfriend I cheated so I got trauma and depression.

He is some friend right? So yeah I feel shitty but it's almost 8 days or will be when I wake up minus the calories for whatever whiskey I drink tonight.

Kill me. I am so miserable.

Willow.

---

[Discussion] anyone else starving in their bed all the time
/u/anbelle
Created: Tue Jun 13 23:04:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5f14/anyone_else_starving_in_their_bed_all_the_time/
---
hello i'm new to this sub and very shy and insecure to share but i feel very alone

i've been like this for a long time, i fast almost all the time, and i'm not in school or have a job and prefer not to leave my house and i feel too sick to do so anyway

so i spend all of my time in my bed, trying to drink as much water as i physically can, sometimes chewing gum to keep away nausea or make my mouth stop feeling weird, and hardly even thinking about food. i feel almost entirely disgusted by most (all?) food, and can't stand how it feels to eat. i don't even know if having cut out food entirely is the best way to keep losing weight for me but i don't care anymore and i can't eat.

i didn't mean to rant though but i just want to know if anyone else here is also just staying inside all day, isolating and focusing on a fast that never ends, or just understand these feelings too

---

[Rant/Rave] Day one of Stress Week
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 22:23:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h589c/day_one_of_stress_week/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Can i just vent? It's been a hell of a time (tw:suicide/selfharm)
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue Jun 13 22:16:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h575v/can_i_just_vent_its_been_a_hell_of_a_time/
---

I'm miserable. I have been for a long time. I stopped my alcoholism, only to realize I'm miserable without it. I need help. I need help bad.

I'm so numb, I don't even want to talk about my shit issues. I'm just tired. I don't want to do this anymore. The ED. The anxiety. The depression. The self harm. The suicidal thoughts...wanting to just sleep it all away....and the fucking lonliness....

I'm a 26 year old woman. I'm not fucking able to ask my counselor for help anymore. This is my responsibility and I cant. I'm so tired of it all.

Months ago I mostly posted in relation to my "drunkorexia" and general alcohol issues. I realize why I was there. This is fucking horrid and I'd rather be fat and drunk than handle this mental clusterfuck.

I'm writing to write. I'm alone. Waiting for my roommate to get home so I can talk to them and hopefully calm down some. Just....fuck. I have no more crutches. No food. No booze. No friends. I'm trying to quit smoking so much.... what am I supposed to cling to??? Cause reality fucking hurts.

I should probably see a doctor.

---

[Rant/Rave] Don't know if I've ever been this stoked over cereal.
/u/CatchTheWhale
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h53yr/dont_know_if_ive_ever_been_this_stoked_over_cereal/
---
Bad metal health day/week/month whatever. Bad mental health always. Anyways

Went to the store, caught sight of my favorite cereal that they don't always have, and you better believe I snatched that fucker up.

I deserve it. Fuck yeah. I'm in a severe depressive episode and everyone keeps commenting on how much weight I've lost

WATCH ME BINGE ON THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. IDGAF. I'MA EAT THE WHOLE BAG they're not that big and it'll probably be the only thing I eat that day but THEY'RE GONNA SEE ME EAT IT AND STFU

AND I'M GONNA LOVE EVERY ~~BITE~~ INHALATION OF IT

Guys you have no idea how damn excited I am for when I allow myself to eat this cereal.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm sick of people with BED being treated like slobs with no self control. Uh, that not how it works, asshole.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4zne/rant_im_sick_of_people_with_bed_being_treated/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm so tired of people with BED being treated like slobs with no self ills
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:20:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4xr7/rant_im_so_tired_of_people_with_bed_being_treated/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling like absolute shit and just need some support.
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'11" | CW 155 | GW 145 | -10 | F | vegetarian]
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4w2k/feeling_like_absolute_shit_and_just_need_some/
---
Hey everyone. Just feeling like shit because my friends are slut shaming me because I keep going out with different guys because I'm so lonely and insecure that I can barely function. Trying to get over some guy I shouldn't have gotten attached to, while working 8-10 hours at taco bell where I am tortured by the smell of amazing food I can have for free all day, then going to rehearsal for three and a half hours.

I'm getting no sleep, I'm losing muscle mass instead of fat, I feel sick no matter what I do or don't eat and I feel pathetic.

But at least my mom made me an appointment to get a consultation with a cosmetic dermatologist. Going to be expensive as fuck but she doesn't care because she wants me to be happy and she thinks if we get my acne scarring taken care of I'll be happy. I mean she's not wrong, that would help. My scarring isn't awful but it's eh. Look in my post history to see my face.

I want to get thin and perfect and have no scars and get submental liposuction before college starts. No matter how much weight I lose I still have fat under my chin and it looks fucking disgusting. I look like a pig.

I feel like I genuinely have no friends who care about me and no one who appreciates me.

Just needing some support and friendship.

Edit: this is me : https://imgur.com/a/BBssv

---

[Rave] New favorite food
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4uwh/new_favorite_food/
---
Apologies for the lack of flair, mod gods.

Hemp hearts/hemp seed.

So high in protein and vitamins! 180c for 3T, which is kind of high but they have 11g protein AND they help digestion. I always poop regularly after eating 1.5(+) tbsp, but not in a way that is crampy or uncomfortable.
They're a little waxy, a little grassy, but mostly tasteless and enjoyable. I don't feel like binging on them like I do with nuts, and they apply well on sweet and savory foods.
I like baby carrots+salt+hemp hearts/seeds, or hemp+berries, or hemp in oatmeal or yogurt.
I'm trying to focus on my macros and getting my protein up so if you're in the same boat check them out! 💪🏾😎

---

[Intro] New to reddit, not to ED
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 113 | 19.4 | -2| Woman]
Created: Tue Jun 13 20:27:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4o7w/new_to_reddit_not_to_ed/
---
Hi I really don't know how to use this yet so forgive any missteps. I'm in a really bad place with myself and ED and life and am hoping this will be a good community for me :)

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[Help] How to not break a fast?
/u/ccgjs [5'2 | CW: 105 | BMI: 19.2 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 19:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4h2s/how_to_not_break_a_fast/
---
(I've never posted on here before and I'm not good with introduction posts, so I'm just gonna post this. (I'm on mobile so I cant add flair))


I've been trying to have 20 hour liquid fasts for the past two days and every single night they end in me drinking my weight in non-diet soda or bingeing and I'm so sick of it lol

How do I curb my nighttime cravings?? I usually dont go to bed until midnight and I need other things to do. Thanks, I love this subreddit btw 💗

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[Rant/Rave] i fucked up my calories before my trip :(
/u/just_a_cat__ [5'8" | CW: 138 | HW: 160 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 19:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4da1/i_fucked_up_my_calories_before_my_trip/
---
yAaLlLll why?! I just ate 2k cal after work on top of my planned 600 cal that I have already eaten and i'm leaving for vacation tomorrow and had ~magically~ managed to not binge for the past week and wanted to save my cals for a bunch of new restaurants I wanted to try WHY DID I DO THIS THE DAY BEFORE I LEAVE?!??!?

like in my mind before a binge I think "I will never be skinny anyways, so why not just fuck it up now!!" then the next day i'm like "no I can do this and it does work because i have seen it work," but eventually fall back into the former train of thought. i'm so mad at myself. my boyfriend wanted to take me to sushi tonight since it's my last night in town for a few days too, and now I don't even want to do that.

grammar and stuff, sorry. the food wasn't even that much nor was it good. It was just fucking goldfish and PB pretzels and snacky junk. how is your day going? :')

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[Rant/Rave] |Rant| Incoherent anxious rambling
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 19:15:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4ak5/rant_incoherent_anxious_rambling/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Fasting turns me into more of an Asshole
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Tue Jun 13 18:29:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h41xq/fasting_turns_me_into_more_of_an_asshole/
---
On mobile so flair as rant rave.

I am on day 7 without food now and it has made me kind of bitter. When I am not crying because of the pain and soreness I am cold and withdrawn and not very social.

I am at work and feel like I have a short temper. I am supposed to go out with coworkers but I feel like people are avoiding me because I'm giving off mean vibes. K the girl I went out with this last Friday will barely make eye contact with me and I haven't got a chance to talk to D the Person I was out with Sunday night. I feel like maybe people don't like me.

I feel paranoid. I lied to my manager/coworker again for the millionth time about bringing a lunch when I usually just spend my lunch smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee or coke zero.

I am really bothered by heavy people too today like I want to gag and puke because they remind me of myself. I feel like I am obese. The numbers say I'm healthy now but I feel obese.

The numbers can't be right because whenever I see my reflection I just see this enormous person. This person I hate.

Eventually I will have to eat and it will take all my will and control not to go crazy. I am hoping to go as long as I can so if I do gain a pound or so from a binge it will be negligible to all I could have lost. I'm lost almost 8 pounds or so since I started my fast.

I need to lose at least 20 by July. If I keep this up maybe I will be ok. ..

I wish fasting didn't bring out the worst in me though. I am in pain and just bitter everyone around me is normal..or seems normal.

Willow.

---

[Rant/Rave] Today was hell
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW: 157.4 GW: 130 | 20.88 | -2.6lbs | 21/F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3vkh/today_was_hell/
---
Yesterday I was feeling depressed as hell so I started drinking...and didn't stop. A whole bottle of vodka after a bottle of sake. Today was the worst I have ever had the misfortune to feel in my entire life. Constant severe nausea from ~9am to around 6pm, shaking chills/unable to get warm, & vertigo. Also am really scared of vomiting and have forced myself not to so I puked for the first time in literally 8 years. & I hadn't eaten hardly anything so puking was even more painful. Besides the Cheerios and kind bar I puked up I've only had 3 rice cakes today which is at least something to feel happy about.


I'm at the beach with my family and my sisters fiancée and her sister. I puked once before they left to go exploring for the day but I feel so mortified. I'm usually extremely withdrawn and hardly talk and they saw me wasted. I'm so embarrassed and still feel nauseous. And missed out on the day since I spent it groaning on bathroom floors.


In addition I accidentally drunk texted my guy friend and now he's pissed at me. I hate myself for doing this to myself so much. I just keep trying to remember that at least I didn't overeat. Oddly I feel less embarrassed for getting trashed than the usual shame of bingeing. Sorry for the scattered thoughts & really negative post but just had to get it out

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[Rant/Rave] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH - In which I eat a lot of pancakes
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:57:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3viq/aaaaaaaaaahhhh_in_which_i_eat_a_lot_of_pancakes/
---
I suck. I really, really, REALLY suck.

Fasted for 40 hours without any sign of hunger until I watched 'Binging with Babish'. In the video I watched, he made pancakes and coffee from Twin Peaks, and that caught my interest.

At first I thought I was just gonna make the pancakes and put them in fridge for my family, but apparently not...

I ate pretty much all four of the successfull pancakes with sirup and jam. For some reason that wasn't enough, so I scoured the fridge for a pastry (Luckily small) my dad had made for me earlier.

Realising that I just ate about 1400 calories on a day I was meant to fast, I quickly started trying to purge, but to no avail.
Only mucus came out, but I pushed onwards. Then came the blood.

At this point I'm freaking out, crying with mucus, blood and tears all over my red face. I couldn't make myself throw up.

I had read on MPA that warm water, salt and mustard would be guaranteed to make you puke, so I mixed up a cup and drank it down.

Long story short it didn't work and it just really hurt in my stomach.


So YEAH. I really fucked up. Sorry for the long text, and if you actually read it, then thanks! <3



**TL;DR: I ate about 1400 calories of pastry and pancakes, and pathetically tried purging to no avail. Life's great :\^)**

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[Help] Eye pain and restricting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:54:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3utj/eye_pain_and_restricting/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Molly Bair aka my new favourite thinspo
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3l5x/molly_bair_aka_my_new_favourite_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/6qrJk

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[Humor] Mean mugged by the pharmacist
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -60 | 31F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3ke0/mean_mugged_by_the_pharmacist/
---
Stopped by the pharmacy today and bought two items: Bronkaid and laxatives.

The pharmacist judged me so hard

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[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time this year :/
/u/OMFGLDQ [💮5'3" | 96.8lbs | 17.62 | HW 125lbs | LW 82lbs | 👨‍❤‍👨]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3j8j/purged_for_the_first_time_this_year/
---
I'm not sure if I will purge again

Idk how to feel

Why does it feel so good to purge? Ugh

At least I got most of it, and don't feel like stuffing my fat face again 🙃

I'm still disgusting tho so whateves~

This is another reason I made this account, bc I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have the boy find out about me purging again bc he'd feel terrible

Edit: Uhhh I'm not sure how to edit flair, I guess rant

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[Rant/Rave] Mirrors are evil devices
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:55:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3j7p/mirrors_are_evil_devices/
---
Soooo yeah I thought hey it's a nice, sunny day I should totally throw on a bikini top and shorts while I'm in the backyard😄.... went to change and caught a glimpse of my stomach in my dresser mirror 🤢..... now hiding in the t-shirt and jeans I originally had on. 🙃🔥🤦🏼‍♀️

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[Other] Thank goodness for self check out and nonjudgmental pharmacists
/u/zarnaah [5'6 | 153 | 24.92 | -32lbs | female]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:53:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3ix9/thank_goodness_for_self_check_out_and/
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https://i.redd.it/cayxxbpwsh3z.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE no longer have the ability to properly recognize hunger/fullness?
/u/gengar001
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:53:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3iwk/dae_no_longer_have_the_ability_to_properly/
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I don't even know what it feels like to feel genuinely hungry or genuinely full anymore. I feel like I am perpetually trapped between cycles of binging and restricting/fasting. I can't eat like a normal person. My appetite is constant and ravenous, but I'm never really physically hungry, and I'm never really quite full.

It just feels like I'm empty and even all the food in the world wouldn't fill me.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else embarrassed by their breasts and attempt to make them appear smaller?
/u/futuredust_ [5'8 | CW: 153 | HW: 220]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:36:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3fd4/is_anyone_else_embarrassed_by_their_breasts_and/
---
My breasts "reinflated" with some weight gain. Now I'm embarrassed about them so I've been wearing sports bras and bras that have an underwire but no padding.

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[Rant/Rave] southern hospitality makes me so mad
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:28:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3don/southern_hospitality_makes_me_so_mad/
---
y'all guys always says "the cashiers don't care about what you're buying" but you must not live in the south because every. single. time. i go the grocery store i have to put on a smile and chat about all the cookie dough and blue bell but how i also buy ten bags of spinach and egg white and it looks ~so balanced~

!!!!

like three different cashiers have said i buy a well balanced amount of food can you fucking believe

edit: the bagger dude did tell me i have beautiful eyebrows so i'll be riding that high for the next two years

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[Rant/Rave] Y'all I'm about to scream.
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h39tk/yall_im_about_to_scream/
---
Please mark rant! I'm on mobile as always 😓

I left for work early because traffic is always a nightmare on my way, and I kept thinking to myself "okay girl you got this; tomorrow you're having a sushi feast but you gotta wear *that dress* and look fine as fuck" I STOPPED AT MCDONALDS AND GOT TWO SANDWICHES AND FRIES. I was doing so good today, just a quest bar, coffee, and water. AND NOW IM SO ANGRY. Like yes I'm about to be at work and bringing in carts and moving around trash, which is better than doing this on a cashiering day but fucking Christ. I'm gonna be bringing those carts in at a jog 😒😒
Oh and btw quest bars are at Target now! I could only find them at GNC for the longest time 😛

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[Other] I got spooked y'all
/u/OMFGLDQ [💮5'3" | 96.8lbs | 17.62 | HW 125lbs | LW 82lbs | 👨‍❤‍👨]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:01:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h37um/i_got_spooked_yall/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Vent
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 15:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3395/vent/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Is it possible to live life without comfort food.
/u/averagempty [5'5.75" | CW:130lbs | BMI: 21.1 | GW:115lbs| 18F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 14:37:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h2oic/is_it_possible_to_live_life_without_comfort_food/
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When life is so shitty, and nothing feels good, how do you turn down the whip cream and waffles? The ice cream? The pasta?
I understand living this way for like a week. But after that I always rationalize eating shit. After practice, I can confidently only have one binge day. And today's the day. But I just think why?

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[Help] slow heartbeat
/u/throwaway290513
Created: Tue Jun 13 14:20:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h2kjy/slow_heartbeat/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] I can't seem to find EC stacks anywhere in my area
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 13:34:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h29mv/i_cant_seem_to_find_ec_stacks_anywhere_in_my_area/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What's the worst comment you've gotten about your weight or disorder?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 13:13:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h24oi/whats_the_worst_comment_youve_gotten_about_your/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] I need a fucking hobby.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue Jun 13 12:54:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h2059/i_need_a_fucking_hobby/
---
I feel like 90% of my mental energy is spent thinking about calories and weight and what I look like, and it's turned me into a boring ass person. I seriously need something to breathe some life back into my day to day because these days all I do is come home, sit on my phone in front of the TV, and waste away. I'm not even tired when I go to bed anymore, because I haven't actually done anything. I'm just bored. And life is full of opportunities for new experiences -- if I'm bored, it's because I'm being boring.

It's a galling waste of time and life and I'm so. tired. of. it. It's especially a waste right now because the evenings are long and warm and I'm wasting 5/7 of them sitting inside.

What are your hobbies? What do you to with your free time? Tell me so I can copy you like an annoying little sister.

---

[Rant/Rave] "Eat waffles...."
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 12:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1sz2/eat_waffles/
---
So this morning my mom decided to go to the grocery store without me, (I always go with her to make sure I get the stuff I want) so I gave her a list of the specific things I wanted (Unsweetened green iced tea, cinnamon gum, salt free rice cakes , halo top, my favorite cereal, etc). I spent 10 minutes texting her about the tea since she kept picking ones with calories... Then she forgot everything else!!! I told her I at least needed the cereal because I eat it for both breakfast and lunch, yet all she had to say about it was to "eat waffles". Excuse me.... but WHAT??!? I can't just eat waffles!! It's not that simple!!! With me I have to have cereal or I'll be stressed and have my day ruined. At least I still have some left, and thankfully she'll go back with me tomorrow... But still, I can't just "eat waffles"...

---

[Other] r/Thinspo
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Tue Jun 13 12:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1rvm/rthinspo/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] What are your favorite low calorie packaged snacks?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:59:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1m3i/what_are_your_favorite_low_calorie_packaged_snacks/
---
I'm traveling to visit my sister later this month and I don't want to fall into the trap of airport food

---

[Rant/Rave] I love how people tell me that anorexia is awful! and has a high mortality rate!! and can have long term consequences!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:50:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1k1u/i_love_how_people_tell_me_that_anorexia_is_awful/
---
no shit I've done my research trust me

that's not going to magically make me change my ways, this ISNT A CHOICE

---

[Rant/Rave] This is all just one big numbers game!
/u/AmberMoonstone [141.8 | 23.4 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:45:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1ip5/this_is_all_just_one_big_numbers_game/
---
I never realized how much all of this has me number crazy. I read labels to see the number of grams in a serving, the calorie count, the grams each of protein, fat, and sugar. Days on the calendar coincide with numbers I want on the scale, or on my measuring tape. Numbers determine how much left I have to eat, what I can eat, and how I eat. Every morning I step onto my scale, the numbers on it's face tell me whether or not I will have a good day - did I make it, did I lose any?

The number I am looking for is -32.6, or 18.0 BMI , or 110lbs. All of those numbers have the same value to me. They mean beauty, grace, perfection, worthiness, they mean my true happiness. My true potential, my true radiance, who I am and truly want to be. The small one, the graceful one, *the prettiest girl in the room*. Those crazy numbers come back to haunt me, because I have to be number one. If I am not the prettiest or thinnest girl in the room, my mood sours a little and I instantly start comparing myself to the object of my envy.

*Her* numbers are smaller than mine, better than mine. Basically, this was my weird roundabout way of saying that eating disorders are like golf and that I am salty.

---

[Rant/Rave] Food takes up so many hours of my day
/u/tinycashew [5'6.75" | 118.0 | 18.59 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1gxe/food_takes_up_so_many_hours_of_my_day/
---
I think it's like, the basis of my food issues that my brain needs to spend all of my time thinking about food in order to cope with (aka avoid) all the other anxiety-causing stressors in my life. Like, I got some stressful life news the other day and I really really need to deal with it. And my first instinct after that was to immediately quit eating. Because if I need to fast, it comes before getting anything else done and therefore it's "okay" that I'm not dealing with my problems. Then I decided to ramp up my exercise regimen instead, which also means plenty of time cooking and eating food because I'm really trying to increase my calories to have no more than a 700-calorie deficit each day because hopefully that will preserve muscle mass, which is the current body thing I'm freaking out about.

All the things I spend so much time on:

* Looking at the weather and my fitness apps to plan when and how I'll exercise

* Looking at recipes and nutrition information constantly to plan what I'm going to eat and with what macros

* Reading nutrition articles, weight loss articles, and science papers to continue
figuring out out exactly what I should eat, how healthy it is, and what is happening to my body at all times

* Weighing myself, measuring, body checking, and visiting a collection of different mirrors so I can body check myself in all of them (anybody else do this? lol)

* Planning my grocery list for each of the four stores I can buy groceries from

* Looking at the ads and prices and coupons and coupon apps so I can save the most money on everything. Especially now with the new thing that happened that means I unexpectedly need a lot more money. But not enough to make me quit buying so much diet coke ugh fml

* Actually making all my shopping trips, more is better because each one is also at least a mile walk round trip

* Actually exercising, cooking, meal prepping and eating

* Alternatively, deciding to fast for a day and therefore filling it with distracting activities that also don't accomplish anything

* Being unable to stop bringing up food, cooking, or exercise to all the people around me

* Being a socially anxious nutcase and wondering how much everyone else is noticing all the above behaviors

* Coming here and reading everything from you guys (almost forgot this one!)

And after doing all of this that's pretty much all my time and I haven't done anything REAL, TANGIBLE, THAT WILL IMPROVE MY ACTUAL FUTURE!! And to justify it all I need to be losing weight as quickly as possible. The worst part is that after a horrible stressful binge cycle of +7 pounds I JUST got back down to the same weight I was SIX WEEKS AGO so literally ALL OF IT WAS WASTED TIME.

Ugh. I guess this was just a rant, but it would be nice to know if anyone else spends all their time on this shit. Or if anyone has the same extremely avoidant mentality about things in their life. I'm so self aware of it all and so completely unable to do anything differently.

Writing this was kind of helpful. I just sent two emails that will make a tiny forward movement on my current problems. If I send two more today, I'm going to reward myself by walking to the grocery store (0.7 miles) and maybe getting a Halo Top (yay protein. boo money) because it's 95 degrees outside.

Love you all!!!! I hope you're having better days than me.

---

[Help] Blood work?
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 122 | 20.1 | -108 lbs! | 17f]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:09:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h19ym/blood_work/
---
My psychiatrist has ordered a lab workup for me, specifically for vitamin D and magnesium. Is there anything I need to look out for? I'm really worried that they'll do it and the results will tell them all the terrible things I've been doing to my body- is that possible? I'm probably deficient in a lot of things, would that give me away? And is there anything I can do to fix it asap?

Ugh sorry I'm so stupid, I'm just freaked out and idk what to do because I *really* can't get out of this.

---

[Other] A very ED run to the store.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 10:45:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h13ym/a_very_ed_run_to_the_store/
---
http://i.imgur.com/bieBMlX.jpg

---

[Tip] Guys guys guys holy fuck this is amazing
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:59:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0s6p/guys_guys_guys_holy_fuck_this_is_amazing/
---
Okay, so. Recently, I was wasting time, aimlessly wondering on the internet when I came across an ad for a safe called [kSafe](https://www.thekitchensafe.com/)

"Okay, it's a safe, big deal". Yes, it's a safe, but get this: WITH A TIMED LOCK.

"Okay, so?". You can put food in there whenever you want to binge!!! Woah!!!

Usually when I want to binge, I need to go to the supermarket to get food to binge on considering I don't keep any food near me. (Because if I did I'd just binge). Now, once I've bought my food and am back home, I can just throw the food in the safe, set a timer for a few hours/days and just drive myself insane instead of stuffing my face with food! Yay! I know it sounds quite torturous, and many of us (myself included) know that if we want to binge, we're going to binge, nothing's going to stop us. But I really really really want to be able to have the willpower to say no, and I'm hoping to reach that goal with help from kSafe. Once the timer's been set, there's no way to break in. I tried locking it and taking out the batteries and it stays locked. The only way you'd get into it would be by breaking it, but the price is enough motivation for me not to do that. (Price for XL, the one I have, is obviously a lil pricier than the small and medium).

I hope some of you will give it a try and see if it helps :)

---

[Rant/Rave] I just made a throwaway to rant this out.
/u/55kiboy
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:48:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0pjb/i_just_made_a_throwaway_to_rant_this_out/
---
Some of you may know me,since I'm fairly active on this sub. I also post on r/proEDmemes. Those are the main two subs that I go to on an hourly basis. This is a great community and you are all wonderfull people. I can't stress hard enough how this subreddit helped me. It is always nice to have people to talk and share opinions on risky topics like an eating disorder. My family never guessed I had any out of the ordinary views on food/weight/eating, let alone habits. Well today that changed. My brother found my reddit account.

He laughed at me, told me how cancerous and cringey my posts are, and that he read them all and I just started to cry. Like most of you, I kept my reddit private from anyone, only I knew my handle. I made one mistake. And he knew all of my private,inner thoughts. And he mocked them. It might be funny to other people if I would explain to them why I'm upset, but to this community would only give me understanding. My eating habits are a sensitive topic. Some days I binge to the point I want to vomit from all the food, some days I fast. Heck, some days I throw something in the trash, and then take it out and eat it. Because I had no control, I had to physically ruin food in order of it not to tempt me. I posted weekly selfies here even tho I never take pictures of myself, I shared all my triggering/crazy moments with you even tho not a single friend of mine knew why I don't eat in front of them anymore or why I always eat labeled and weighted food.

I just feel violated. A year worth of posts about things I would never tell anyone, read. The only word I can really use is violated. I just want to eat till I die or just starve myself to death. That's what I wanted to do at least. Then I remembered you guys are still here, and all the stuff I learned about self love and ones own worth . So thank you, a year ago I might have acted differently to this situation. Even tho this hurts, and that things will never be the same between my brother and me, food will not make it better in anyway. If i decide to over eat or under eat it will not make me feel any better. I will be having a new handle. I probably won't post or comment like I used to, because It's different now. They know I visit this sub and they don't understand it like I do and I fear I will be discovered again.

But I will always give support to this community because it gave me back so much more. You are all the only people who understood me in my time of need and you all changed me in such a positive way. The only part of my life I have in control right now is my eating.
So thank you again, sorry for the long read. Will be lurking on you tho so this is not a goodbye!

---

[Other] I was going to recover but... lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:39:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0nh8/i_was_going_to_recover_but_lol/
---
I unsubscribed for like... a week? Because I was going to work on ~recovery~. But obv that didn't work out. So I'm back. I felt like my life was losing a purpose and spinning out of control when I wasn't restricting as much anymore. Still wasn't eating over 1000cals a day, and I have still lost weight, but everything felt crazy for a while. Pretty screwed up when you miss your disorder.

---

[Tip] Cindy Crawford - Shape Your Body - Full Workout - English
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4F |121.6lbs | 21.28| 4lbs]
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:03:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0f0z/cindy_crawford_shape_your_body_full_workout/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34EzWqMDAIs

---

[Tip] Restricting and doing this workout (intermittently) will give you the thinspo bod of your life.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:01:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0ell/restricting_and_doing_this_workout_intermittently/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34EzWqMDAIs

---

[Help] Good Milk Replacement?
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:00:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0eb1/good_milk_replacement/
---
Almost all milk replacements I've tried taste awful, and taste nothing like milk.
I've tried all Almond milks, and some cashew milk.

---

How do YOU exercise? (Or don't)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 08:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h082b/how_do_you_exercise_or_dont/
---
[deleted]

---

[Humor] When you post to proED on a bad day...
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Tue Jun 13 08:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h06yf/when_you_post_to_proed_on_a_bad_day/
---
https://i.redd.it/9x79062eaf3z.gif

---

[Rant/Rave] Day 7: an update and more ranting ( possible trigger warning because it's me)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Tue Jun 13 07:54:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0093/day_7_an_update_and_more_ranting_possible_trigger/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave, thank you.

In a few hours it will be day 7 without anything to eat. It's been a while since I went this long. I still don't know if it's because of some crazy will power or my crippling anxiety.

At work the last two nights I really wanted some of our house vegan Mac and cheese but kept telling myself it wasn't worth it. Despite the anxiety and crying an hour out of my shift I managed.

Last night I went to bed directly after I got home and managed to dodge my parents who always seem to feign concern when they don't really care.

My stomach pain is slightly less than I was yesterday I plan to drink some POWERade zero or something with electrolytes to ballance out the copious amounts of caffeine I'll need today.

According to my peice of shit analog scale in down somewhere between 5 and 8 pounds though the fact the it's a range bothers me. Depending on where my feet are it reads slightly different. I plan to get a new scale tomorrow on my day off.

It will get me out of the house and get some steps in and will be sort of a reward I guess. In a fucked up kind of way. I am going to try and sleep and nap on my days off because I haven't slept so great.

I've been invited to go out for drinks tonight after work which I might do. A few drinks won't kill me also it keeps me from binging at home.

I have a bunch of binge food to dispose of from my last binge session and the longer I go without getting rid of it the weaker my will.

Items include

Double chocolate oreos
Peanutbutter and cookie dairy free Ben and jerrys
7 layer coconut dairy free Ben and jerrys
Tortillas, vegan refried beans for simple bean burritos
Vanilla and chocolate silk almond milk
Left over vegan spaghetti and meatless meatballs

Not a lot but it all still needs to go and I need only a little bit of time but no one can be home so I don't risk being confronted and having to explain why I'm throwing out food..

All I can think about right now besides food and wanting to be thin is what to possible wear tonight so that I look sort of attractive.

I feel really insecure. My former coworker M night show you and I found our hes in an open relationship and I want his attention also my other coworker who I got to have drinks with a few nights ago K who is absolutely gorgeous and sweet.

I want to be seem as attractive and discernable but truth be told I have super low self esteem except when I'm drunk but then occasionally I get over emotional and over share or get too flirty.

Tonight will be a reward for all my fasting and I want to try and look cute but everything in my mind tells me it's impossible.

My hair is faded a lot from the lovely pink it was to a fucked up ombre or my natural colored brown roots to some blonde to the remaining pink. My face is pale and bloated, I could use a shave but my razor is broke and I can't afford a new one. I have a lovely fresh burn on my forearm from two days ago when I splashed myself with scolding boiling water by accident, my eyes has darker circles than ever. I feel like if anyone here saw my face they might agree. I look like shit perpetually.

I feel like I passed the wall though. People talk about working out like their is this wall you hit then things get easier. I feel like yesterday was my wall. My pain has subsides a bit and I plan to keep my caffeine and water intake up and also bring some alleve or ibuprofen to work.

I guess my other reward, as fucked up as it sounds will either be another pack of cigarettes or some sleeping pills. The cost of both is about the same. The smokes would suppress my appetite some more and the pills would help me sleep but I can't really afford both.

I'm justifying buying drinks tonight cause it's usually pretty cheap for me to get a little drunk especially cause fasting lowers m my tolerance and I can nurse two drinks or so for a few hours.

So yeah this is where I am at right now. I still feel emotionally heavy and disconnected and bitter and depressed and like little things might send me into episodes of anxiety of crying but I think I passed through a lot of misery. I'm somehow still going.

I am no role model. I am really fucked up. I am sick. This is control. Anxiety. Fear and depression and self hatred.

Send me good vibes lovelies

Willow

---

[Discussion] Do you purge? How? How has it changed with your ED?
/u/ambiguouslyreal [5'2.5"| 100.4 | 18.64 | -32lb | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 07:43:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzxyz/do_you_purge_how_how_has_it_changed_with_your_ed/
---
[removed]

---

Thigh gap
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 07:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzroa/thigh_gap/
---
[removed]

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A June 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 13 06:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzgcl/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_june_13_2017/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 13 06:10:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzgbw/daily_food_diary_june_13_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] BDD and those damn moments of clarity that never last
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 05:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gze1i/bdd_and_those_damn_moments_of_clarity_that_never/
---
It's actually scary how my perception changes so quickly. This morning I looked in the mirror and for like two minutes I wasn't huge. I actually thought "I look pretty slender today! I'm not a big disgusting monster." And then bam, back to being obese. Giant thunder thighs, a stomach that is revolting. Ass the size of Texas. The brain's a scary place. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] So I posted on r/rateme...
/u/imnevergold [170 | CW 55 | GW 47 | F |]
Created: Tue Jun 13 05:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gz5pu/so_i_posted_on_rrateme/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Phone Wallpaper
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 13 02:36:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gym0r/phone_wallpaper/
---
https://i.redd.it/qux43ht0kd3z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] 3:40 AM and here I am sitting in front of the open fridge eating mustard with a tiny plastic spoon and chasing it with hot sauce.
/u/Shawnanan
Created: Tue Jun 13 01:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gyf7i/340_am_and_here_i_am_sitting_in_front_of_the_open/
---
I have completely lost all control of my life. 🙃

(Please add rant/rave flair for I'm but a humble mobile user)

---

[Help] Hiding food?
/u/mapvi [5'4 | CW: 136.8ish | LW: 124.4 | GW1: 132 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 00:02:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gy15b/hiding_food/
---
Okay so my parents brought home half a cheesecake tonight because apparently they were all "Well mapvi may not want the rest of this cheesecake, but she'll sure as fuck eat it anyways," so...

1) Okay, thanks for knowing I'm a pig and commenting on it. Great.

2) How the hell do I get rid of this thing without eating it?? Because we all know if it just sits there I'm totally gonna pig out on it, so I'd rather get rid of it all at once instead of piece by piece. But if I just toss it all and act like I ate it then it'll reinforce their view of me as this huge pig and they'll continue to keep bringing home or buying this shit. And if I just say I don't want it and try to toss it out they'll say I'm wasting food. It's like I'm the family garbage disposal. :(

What do I do???

---

[Other] Busy day = no chance to be hungry
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:39:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxxks/busy_day_no_chance_to_be_hungry/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Just planned a binge for 2 weeks from now
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | GW: 120 | -15 | F20]
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxuyl/just_planned_a_binge_for_2_weeks_from_now/
---
I'm so fucked up and I hate it

---

[Rant/Rave] i hate how controlling my relationship with food is
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxu84/i_hate_how_controlling_my_relationship_with_food/
---
i've eaten about 800 calories today and i'm debating whether or not to eat some cereal which would mean eating about 1,000 calories and the thought makes me so anxious even though that's not even maintenance, which of course i know because i've memorized how many calories are in everything and how much i need to restrict to lose weight and planning breakfast tomorrow makes me anxious and this is so, so not a normal relationship with food. and it feels so utterly ridiculous because, like, it's *food*, it's just fuel that we need and if i'm hungry why don't i eat some fucking cereal and just get over it ugh i'm sorry for the rant i'm just really frustrated by how fucked up my relationship with food is, how much it controls my life and how i'm only willing to think about eating at maintenance if i'm underweight idk

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm still here, bitch
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:12:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxtg9/im_still_here_bitch/
---
[deleted]

---

Mania & Depression: Never so far apart. http://milkysou.deviantart.com/ also please remove if this isn't allowed on this sub
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 22:05:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxhwr/mania_depression_never_so_far_apart/
---
https://i.redd.it/m067v5nh7c3z.jpg

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[Thinspo] Going to try again, join my channel for thinspo at @thinspo on telegram. I'm looking for admins too, pm me at @tbhfam, thank you ❤️❤️❤️
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 21:51:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxf9f/going_to_try_again_join_my_channel_for_thinspo_at/
---
[removed]

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[Other] i just got a coupon for free halo top
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Mon Jun 12 21:35:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxcbv/i_just_got_a_coupon_for_free_halo_top/
---
it was from kroger, it printed out after my receipt. probably because i was buying ice cream ✌️ hopefully they have it in yours too!

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[Rant/Rave] the sweetest boyfriend award goes to...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 20:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gx4ez/the_sweetest_boyfriend_award_goes_to/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Liquid fast here I come
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 100.2lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 20:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gx116/liquid_fast_here_i_come/
---
https://i.redd.it/fiwafifzqb3z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] C/S to avoid guilt from binge eating
/u/notlion [5'9.5" | 21.8 | 24F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 19:20:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gwn1f/cs_to_avoid_guilt_from_binge_eating/
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.... And I feel guilty anyway because I know I must have swallowed a few bits. Yay ED.

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't fucking do this...I'm at my wits end (possible trigger warning)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 12 18:56:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gwif4/i_cant_fucking_do_thisim_at_my_wits_end_possible/
---
On mobile please flair as rant/rave or whatever is appropriate.

Trigger warning this might get detailed.

It's been over 6 days now not counting alcohol and coffee consumption I have had anything solid or reassembling food.

I feel like my body is shutting down. I am in pain all over especially my stomach it feels like it's consuming it self and I drink water and I'm trying but it hurts to bad.

I feel really depressed and down cause I know this is all useless I will eventually binge and be back up to my highest weight but now I feel in control only not.

I don't feel in control and that's the fucking problem. I'm scared of people and terrified of food. I can't eat. I can do it. Nothing it will just make me want to purge or take laxatives or harm myself. I really want to cut or burn myself so I can distract myself from the internal emotional and physical pain.

I feel so alone. No one would understand if I told them what was going on. I still have 4 hours left of work and then I work tomorrow too for another 8 hours and then I am supposed to go out drinking with coworkers.

I feel so insecure. My coworker K and I went out last week on Friday and talked for hours and I have a crush on her but she's going through some stuff and also just feel like no one likes me. How could anyone like me as a friend or otherwise.

I am no one's type. I'm fat and disgusting and I hate myself. Even if someone like me for how I am I would have a lot of difficulty being with them cause I really don't like myself.

I want to purge until I see blood. I want to take laxatives even though my stomach is empty. I want to chainsmoke until my mouth is an odorous ashtray I want to bleed and hurt because I feel so out of it.

No one understands and I can't tell anyone I can't burden anyone with my issues or problems. I don't matter. I am nothing and never will be anything.

I'm on my "lunch break" I never eat. Instead I'm crying in the back parking lot and holding myself because I really wish someone would hold me and tell me it's going to get better but it's not.

I am courting death. This will be my end maybe not now but I can't sustain and I can't recover. I so trapped.

I just want someone to hold me but also don't want anyone near me to feel my fatness. I am a planet. I'm a hippo. A sumo wrestler, a whale. I'm so fat and it's killing me so slowly and painfully.

Maybe if I keep crying I'll lose more weight. I hate all of this. I feel so low and down and just out of it and I can't stop it.

Anxiety has me pinned down and paralyzed. I am my own victim and victimizer.

Willow.

---

HGC diet?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 18:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gwdij/hgc_diet/
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[removed]

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Laxatives
/u/owllie130
Created: Mon Jun 12 17:55:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gw6l4/laxatives/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Swollen Legs?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | CW:100.8 | BMI:16.34 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 17:55:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gw6fy/swollen_legs/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] FUUUUUUUUCK
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 17:27:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gw13e/fuuuuuuuuck/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] All of this: less than 3000cal, less than $40. Aldi gives me life (2860cal total)
/u/_lithelife [5'5 | cw110.8 | -44 | gw106 | *formerly _pizzagirl*]
Created: Mon Jun 12 16:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvqd4/all_of_this_less_than_3000cal_less_than_40_aldi/
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http://imgur.com/ptOy04O

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[Help] TW: I started cutting again after several months clean.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 16:22:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvniq/tw_i_started_cutting_again_after_several_months/
---
And I cut a lot (for me), too. I just want to be emotionally numb. And at the same time I am restricting my food intake. I seriously cannot take what life is throwing at me right now and stay stable. I am having a crisis, I am having a breakdown. My next therapy appointment isn't for another 3 days. My goal is just to survive until then (i.e. not sit in a running car in my closed garage until I die). I have no one to go to because my crisis involves my only friend. Help.

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[Rant/Rave] One day doesn't make a damn of difference.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 16:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvltx/one_day_doesnt_make_a_damn_of_difference/
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And that can be such a good thing.

One day doesn't make a difference, good or bad. You didn't get to your HW in one day or your UGW in one day either.

One bad day will pass. It's when one turns into two, two into four, four into 'I'll start Monday', which turns into 'Just one last time' and 'I'll be perfect....starting tomorrow.'

Just keep one day at one day and things will move on.

---

I'm trying to hammer this into my head again right now. I've been so good and had a bad day. There is no reason to bring it into tomorrow. It's done. I'm moving on.

---

[Rant/Rave] Lol shopping for clothes makes me wanna die
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 120 | -15 lbs]
Created: Mon Jun 12 15:48:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvfwm/lol_shopping_for_clothes_makes_me_wanna_die/
---
went to the mall to get a graduation dress. Ended up getting the dress but also wanted to try on some shorts. Tried on the shorts. You ever forget about how much you hate your body but then something practically punches you with the realization again. That happened. If whales had thighs, I'd be the poster child for them.

---

[Discussion] Cutesy Meal Plans
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 108.0 | 21.31 | -76 | F 🌸]
Created: Mon Jun 12 15:46:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvff7/cutesy_meal_plans/
---
Sooo, I'm super anal, and I keep a detailed planner, and I have a list for literally everything (SO's favorite things, books to read, movies to watch, long term to do, short term to do, etc) and since I came up with a new meal plan, I of course had to make myself a cute little notes page for it. It looks like this:

🌸🌵 Summer Plan 🌵🌸

M, T, W, TH (500kcal)
- 8 oz coffee - 5 ☕️
- 2 x Stevia - 10 🌱
- 1/2 C Almond Milk - 15 🌰

- 1 C Spinach - 7 🌿
- 1/2 Tomato - 6 🍅
- 1/6 Cucumber - 7 🥒
- 1 T Dressing - 25 🥗
- 1/2 Tilapia Fillet - 35 🐟

- 2 rice cakes - 100 🍘
- 4 strawberries - 20 🍓
- 1 x Stevia - 5 🌱
- 1 pack cookies - 100 🍪
- Vitamins - 20 💪🏻

- Dinner (?) - 150 🍴
- 64 oz Water 💦

Total: 505✨


F, S, S (1000kcal)
- 8 oz coffee - 5 ☕️
- 2 x Stevia - 10 🌱
- 1/2 C Almond Milk - 15 🌰
- Breakfast (?) - 190 🍴

- Lunch (?) - 190 🍴

- Snacks (?) - 190 🍴

- Dinner (?) - 190 🍴
- Alcohol (?) - 200 🥃
- 64 oz Water 💦

Total: 995✨

Weekly Total: 5,000kcal✨
Daily Average: 714 kcal✨

M, W, F, Sun: 🤸🏼‍♀️
20-30 minute yoga flow

T, TH, Sat: 👟
20-30 minute jog/walk

Goals: ✨
100lbs by 7/15 🌸
90lbs by 9/01 🌺

Rewards: 🏆
3 pairs black skinnies
2 pairs khaki skinnies
2 pairs multicolored skinnies
Ballet flats
7 new bras (that fit!!)
10 pairs cute panties
5 pairs comfy boy short panties
VS leggings
Probiotics
Hair skin nails vitamin
Evening primrose oil
New loofah
Body wash
Big sketch spiral for anatomy class


Yes I'm ridiculous 🤷🏼‍♀️

BUT-- I wanted to know if you guys have any cute meal plans written or typed out, or if you keep a bullet journal, etc!!

---

[Rant/Rave] I am so dumb
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 120 | 18.78 | 20F 🌼]
Created: Mon Jun 12 15:29:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvbge/i_am_so_dumb/
---
I just went to the gym for 3 hours, ran for an hour, swam for an hour, and did weights for an hour. Super proud of myself etc etc.

Made chocolate pudding & ate half the pan at midnight.

---

[Rant/Rave] Fear of Exercise
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gv0m5/fear_of_exercise/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Helter Skelter - A psychological horror manga/comic that I think everyone here can relate to.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:29:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gux3p/helter_skelter_a_psychological_horror_mangacomic/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Day 6, I feel so disconnected.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:26:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6guwh4/day_6_i_feel_so_disconnected/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave

I haven't had anything solid in 6 days. I still feel like there is food in my stomach and despite the scale showing a slightly smaller number every morning I still feel bloated.

The last three nights I have drank with coworkers after closing up the restaurant, twice next door where I only had a shot of tequila and a whiskey with rocks I nursed for an hour.

Saturday I partied a bit in the trendy neighborhood of Seattle and had a lot of wine and smoked a bunch of pot and still woke up feeling lighter.

I don't feel like drinking has invalidated my fasting efforts because I've probably consumed less than 500 on the days I have probably 300 or so. I don't know about saturday.

I have no idea what my real TDEE or BMR is because I don't really know how much I burn at work. I walk 3 to 4 miles round a trip day on work days to and from work plus being on my feet for 8 hours cooking.

I am scared to eat anything at this point. The thought gives me anxiety. My coworker who I partied with Saturday also has a lot of disordered eating habits and we have talked a bit about the calories in everything at work and purging cause they purge quote a bit, thus they are 90lbs or so.

Last night I felt so tempted to take home some vegan Mac and cheese we had left over from our weekend special but my coworker told me I'd regret it and it wouldn't be fun to purge if I intended to do that.

It's great to know another person who knows similar struggles but I also feel like I need my strictness because I don't want my coworker to think I'm faking it when I am not. I would never wish ED stuff on anyone and it breaks my heart every time I heard about someone in my life struggling.

My stomach is in a giant knot. I don't feel faint but it's hard to keep my eyes open. I'm trying to keep my appetite suppressed with caffeine and smoking cigarettes.

I know not eating is nothing to be proud of. Frankly I think it's fear and anxiety that keeps me from eating not will power. I can bring myself to be in a grocery store for longer than 5 min to get a sugar free energy drink. So I can't really shop or buy food.

I have two more full work days and I don't really know how I'm still going. I enjoy the calmness and this empty feeling. I feel disconnected and yet hyper aware of everything around me. People. Sounds
Sensations. Textures. I feel sort of high off the 3 depravity.

I don't know how much longer I can go on. I know I have quite a bit of fat and muscle that my body could consume for energy so I don't feel like I need to introduce anything else.

Sorry for this long rant. You are all beautiful and lovely.

Send good vibes to me.

Willow

---

[Help] A Diet Plan
/u/CouldNotLoadUsername [13|F|Prof-Diagnosed|AN]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:09:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gusjf/a_diet_plan/
---
So today I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, pretty big news, but I don't feel like it's anything dreadful. The only thing that's really haunting me is my diet plan. I'm 13 (5'/92lbs) and am in no way underweight. The doctors I saw today forced me onto an eating plan and honestly, it's doing me a lot more harm than good.

I've been forced to eat copious amounts which has put tremendous stress on me, which is something my old personal diet didn't do. And I physically can't, well I mentally can't, eat the food. I know how many calories is in the things they're making me eat and it's going to make me gain so much. I don't know how to eat everything without having a breakdown every bite which is what's been happening.

I just need some help on how to get over it, my brain doesn't want to stop because of the fear of weight gain but I know I need to eat. I want someone to tell me that I'm fat and that eating on a weight gain diet is going to be nothing but bad for me and I don't know why.

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[Thinspo] Model thinspo: Emily Doll
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:07:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gurxo/model_thinspo_emily_doll/
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https://i.redd.it/vqtu4m1au93z.jpg

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[Discussion] Timing your EC stack?
/u/saptashati [5'6" | 153.6 | 24.6 | 26.4 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:04:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gur66/timing_your_ec_stack/
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So I've been EC stacking for a bit and although it usually works, the effects run out by 7 p.m. My problem is that after 7 p.m. I tend to eat larger meals in the evening and ruining all of my progress! Should I take my EC stack in the afternoon to prevent this? I'm not a big breakfast person anyway so I can probably keep myself from eating in the morning. Anyone have advice or experience?

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[Discussion] Not sure if this is a permissible goal or not
/u/AmberMoonstone [141.8 | 23.4 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:51:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gunye/not_sure_if_this_is_a_permissible_goal_or_not/
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So, as of lately, I've found myself in a bit of a rut. My depression, (combined with a bit of a pot problem) has led to some dark days. I typically find comfort in food, a trait I learned from my mom as a kid. Now that I have a car and my own money, I have found myself drowning my sorrows in fast food and ice cream.

In the past two months, my diet has gone down the drain. As a result of this, my stomach has *not* been pleased with my behavior. I have stomach issues, which is a polite term that means that I shit unholy hell on most occasions.

A goal of restricting and eating healthier is that I hope to actually enjoy pooping again. Anyone else understand?

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[Help] Afraid I'm re-entering b/p cycle :(
/u/Neatsfoot [5'8" 🐝]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:45:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gumoc/afraid_im_reentering_bp_cycle/
---
I had a solid week and a half of no b/p and I broke today.

I feel so nauseated. I want to purge, but I haven't had hardly any fluids and know it will be awful.

What do you do when you feel like this? I need some support rn :(

---

[Discussion] Got Psyllium husk pills today
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'11" | CW 155 | GW 145 | -10 | F | vegetarian]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:37:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gukub/got_psyllium_husk_pills_today/
---
On Amazon it was 500 for $15 so I ordered them and they came today.

I took three, drank 32 ounces of water even though 8 is the minimum, and am now half naked on the exercise bike with a mud mask on.

I can't help but laugh and keep biking the thigh fat away. Anyone have experience with Psyllium husk pills?

---

[Rant/Rave] Looking towards thanksgiving already
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:32:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gujky/looking_towards_thanksgiving_already/
---
I've been plugging stuff into losertown that I think by thanksgiving break I could be underweight enough that my parents will yell at me and maybe I'll snap out of this and people will worry and I'll be comfortable eating at maintenance.

I'm dreaming of coming back to school for finals week and maintaining but still doing IF, so just going home after crazy long library days and eating a whole pizza plus fruits and veggies and nut butters and crackers, or like making a full box of mac and cheese and still having calories left over. In 6 months I can go home and flip a switch and go from the fat girl who only eats salad to the super skinny girl who eats nothing but shit food and everyone wonders how she doesn't gain weight.

Hahaha it works like that in my dreams. I know maintenance won't be that easy once I get there but I'm kind of hoping my parents will threaten my tuition or something to scare me into it. If not I'll probably be inpatient by Christmas at this rate.

Something about not seeing my family for months at a time makes this all the more addictive. Like I want them to *notice* every time. I want to plan out their reactions every time, when they'll say I look great, when they'll start to worry, when they'll tell me to stop. Can anyone else relate to that?

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[Rant/Rave] I am so fucking tired of making excuses to judgemental 7 year olds about why I'm only eating popcorn for lunch
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 12:50:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gu9co/i_am_so_fucking_tired_of_making_excuses_to/
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ugh sometimes working with kids sucks

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[Rant/Rave] Thankful for coffee
/u/posyposer
Created: Mon Jun 12 12:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gu6hk/thankful_for_coffee/
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Today I'm feeling so overwhelmed with life and exhausted because I can't make myself eat (which I'm honestly grateful for, I've dropped 2 lbs this week!). However, I'm taking summer classes and working part time and I planted a garden and I have so many social responsibilities that I'm absolutely dead 24/7 and people keep being so rude about the fact that I'm out of it.. I wouldn't be standing without coffee today!!!!! Anyone have any tips to stay awake/not exhausted?

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[Rant/Rave] Okay so I've been away for a while because I've been doing well. Less anxiety. More smooth sailing. Steadily losing weight without b/p. And feeling really good. Until I needed to be in a leg brace. Every single day I see this fucking blob and I want to throw up. Why won't it go away???
/u/hazelconner [5'4" | 174.5 | 33.2% BF | -15.5 | X/F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 12:32:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gu57g/okay_so_ive_been_away_for_a_while_because_ive/
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https://i.redd.it/nu8l9j7fd93z.jpg

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[Other] [Other] Underweight for surgery?
/u/retrosensibility [5'3 | CW 118 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:54:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gth37/other_underweight_for_surgery/
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I was wondering if anyone has had experience getting surgery while underweight, does it affect anything? I'm getting a breast lift in late July and I want to be at my gw so they don't sag when I restrict more haha. My gw is just slightly underweight for my height range, so I'm hoping that won't cause any problems. Thanks in advance!

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[Rant/Rave] Fucking changes of plans screwing me up
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:41:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gte26/fucking_changes_of_plans_screwing_me_up/
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Not expecting anyone to care, this is just kinda ED r/offmychest.
Yesterday I made it my plan to do liquids only. Water, tea, coffee, maybe soup. I am so sure I would've been able to do so, yesterday. But I was out with my mom and she wanted food, so we went to a restaurant, so I was like this day's gone to shit so I ate and ate and ate all day. I purged but not everything.

So now I want to do yesterday's plan today, but idt I'll make it😩😩

---

[Help] DAE prefer tiny cookware for themselves? Where to find? :C
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gtc9y/dae_prefer_tiny_cookware_for_themselves_where_to/
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I have no idea where I can find affordable tiny pots and pans for myself for careful portioning

My only idea was to order from Japan which is not cost efficient lol

I don't THINK the local Asian markets have tiny cookware. I know they have bowls and utensils and plates n stuff and regular sized cookware

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[Help] Caffeine and something in the morning
/u/laika_206 [5'9 | 132 | 19.14 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:33:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gtc0s/caffeine_and_something_in_the_morning/
---
[removed]

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[Help] question about sagging
/u/okokokstop [5'2.5 | CW122 | GW109 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:27:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gtaqx/question_about_sagging/
---
Hi all. Been lurking for awhile, first post. I was hoping you could answer a question about sagging breasts.

Is there a chance the sagging/loose skin could get better after a year or two? Mine is bad and I'm still losing so it will get worse. I'm 5' 2.5" and my highest weight was I think 148. Spent the most time in my adult life at about 130. I'm in my 30s now. About 4 years ago I got down to 116 but was only there for a few months, then came back up to 135, and now I'm at 124. I'm guessing my boobs are so bad despite the relatively small range of weights I have had because 1) bad genes as far as skin elasticity; 2) started off kind of saggy 3) I gain weight easily in my boobs; 4) lots of gaining and losing over the years.

If I were to get to a low weight and actually maintain it for longer, is it possible the skin could tighten up? Anyone have experience with this?

I don't care about having great boobs. I just don't want them to be a pile of thin wrinkly skin forever.

I'm motivated this time to stay at a lower weight because I've been at this long enough to know that I just can't be okay with life at the higher weight. And I'm losing now even though I'm super depressed (which was always my biggest obstacle) so maybe I can actually stick with it.

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[Rant/Rave] (Tw: self harm) I don't feel valid
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 09:59:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gt44x/tw_self_harm_i_dont_feel_valid/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I am so sick of this :( [help]
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.58 | -20 | UGW 110 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 08:28:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gsjpv/i_am_so_sick_of_this_help/
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After being stuck in a restrict/binge cycle for the last 4 months and maintaining 130 all that time, in the last 2 weeks I finally pulled myself together and dropped to 126(!!)

But then my uni exams finished and I went way overboard with "treating myself" and have gained back to... you guess it, 130.

I'm so fed up with hating myself and looking like a disgusting fat chunk of lard. At the start of the year I was 145 and set a goal of 120 for a festival I'm going to next week, which I thought would be easy, like it's only 25lbs in SIX MONTHS but no I failed and I'm gonna look so gross next to all of my teeny tiny friends. I wanted to have a body I was proud of so I could wear super cute skimpy festival clothes and properly ENJOY myself but no.

I'm just so sad and defeated. :(

---

[Thinspo] This is beautiful.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 08:27:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gsje7/this_is_beautiful/
---
https://i.redd.it/rnqhikuh583z.jpg

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[Other] current feelings + thoughts | let's b friends
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 06:18:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gruyk/current_feelings_thoughts_lets_b_friends/
---
lately I've been really struggling with extremes. I did rly good for the first few months of 2017 with restriction, and I lost like 20+ lbs. I lost two pets (age/incurable illness) around end of march and since then I just crashed. I think I'm just under 130lbs now (gained around 10+) and I've been in such a binging cycle. It's not healthy for me and frankly I want to be restricting again.

I'm going through some personal things where I have a person to impress that I may be seeing soon, and let's just say the odds are not currently on my side. I wanted to ag least be around 115lbs or 110 when I see them, but if that happens soon (within then next month) it's very unlikely I'll be able to wear what I want and impress.

I also need to drink more water and take better care of my skin since I easily get stress and body acne.

Right now I feel like I don't have a lot of friends who also struggle with ED's (I have EDNOS) so I feel alone like I have nobody to talk to, or nobody that's in a similar place. I'm going to go back to restricting within the next few days hopefully, but I just wanted to let some things out and if you wanna b friends we can exchange iMessages or something and talk about other interests idk

I'm super tired rn, bye guys

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! June 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 12 06:14:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gru80/weekly_stats_update_june_12_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for June 12, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 12 06:14:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gru76/daily_food_diary_june_12_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] I had a strange weekend.
/u/Skinnytw [5'6 | 109 | 17.57 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 05:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6grp99/i_had_a_strange_weekend/
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Me and my boyfriend visited some friends, who are actually more acquaintances, this weekend. It is a couple, and they are both very attractive people. I have always looked up to the girl of the couple. She is gorgeous, long, very thin, always happy and everyone likes her ... I remember helping her when she had to throw up at a party some years ago and resting my hand on her shoulders and feeling only bones. I was so jealous. Her body was goals. It might make sense to point out that she is bisexual and her boyfriend is OK with her dating girls.

We drank some alcohol and it got a bit out of hand. We ended up in their hot tub somehow. She whispered things like "you are so cute" and "I think you're sexy" in my ear. I ended up making out with her (with our boyfriends watching and cheering). When I think back, I feel like this was a dream. It wasn't me... It wasn't my confidence I was wearing.

Anyway, I talked about it with my boyfriend. He said: "you are smaller than her. Not only smaller, but also skinnier. Your waist is smaller." But holy cow. She was so hot.

I am flying. I feel like I'm on drugs....

She made me bicurious, I think.

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[Discussion] The Vacation Diaries Day One
/u/TheManyArchetypes [5'7.25"|134lbs|20.83|-74|F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 04:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6grg66/the_vacation_diaries_day_one/
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Well today I woke up at the cabin on the lake. I am with my husband and his family. We will be fishing and I can't wait to kyack! I hope to stay pretty active this week.

I had a rough couple of days where I ate far too much. To the point I have found myself awake at 5am with a very upset stomach. I took a zantac and hope that helps. At least I finally don't feel like eating!

I'm posting in a hope to keep myself accountable. My goal is to keep my intake to 1400-1600/day. I really fucked up my good track record on mfp by becoming a garbage disposal for two days. My period is due any second so I of course blame hormones. I am not going to try to restrict to compensate like I normally would. I have to just let it go.

I'm going to grocery shop today and get myself veggies and fruit to snack on. I will track everything for the rest of vacation. I was at 130lbs on Friday and right now my goal is 128. I am so goddamn close.

Anyone else on vacation or have to put up with a change in routine that effects your eating routine?

It's 5:45am and I really need some coffee. I guess I'll be the first one up!

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[Rant/Rave] To that friend I get green eyed with jealousy for (shit writing/personal)
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Mon Jun 12 03:39:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gr795/to_that_friend_i_get_green_eyed_with_jealousy_for/
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You know, I'd kill to have your genes. I know damn well it's genes because your whole family is thin-a family of stick figures. You're thin and the skeletal frame is natural to you-it's so fitting, it's so you. Your petite form draws others in and plays on their need to protect you. Your enthusiasm is youthful, playful and childlike, so fucking infectious. You will probably even age beautifully, with the frame of a child, lithe body of a fairy, delicate and soft, wispy and fragile.

You're one of the many people that bring out the green eyed monster in me. You're my friend- or maybe just an acquaintance I happened to cross paths with-who the fuck knows.

I just know you serve as a reminder of what I'm killing my own body for. My frame is bulky, too big, imbalanced and awkward. I have the limbs of someone who should be able to carry the weight of the world but all I want to do is to be crushed by it.


There's a constant storm in me that threatens to swallow me whole unless I manage to somehow subdue it-I guess this is how I stay afloat. Self harm, and self sabotage are just synonyms of self love to me.

I envy people like you. How does it feel to not be filled to the brim with self hate? How does it feel to embrace the beauty that is solely yours? To allow yourself to live reckless, bold, and loud and permit yourself to embrace every aspect of your personality with grace and be able to stand tall, to feel like you don't take up the space you didn't want to take up? The need to keep chipping away at your own body, chiseling it down to the bone and sleep every day refusing to think of the future because it's far too scary? to inflict blows upon blows on your physical form but keep on this ugly path because it validates you, makes you feel so far from your own core?

You can eat and drink, laugh, and be merry without the fear of gaining weight and I'm jealous more than I ever thought I was. I'm steps behind you but I'm miles ahead of you in my own damn self destruction.

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[Rant/Rave] something to rant about, something to rave too
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 03:20:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gr4yb/something_to_rant_about_something_to_rave_too/
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Sooooo my boyfriend was kinda an asshole last night. (This is a semi-longish story, sorry in advance). He was out fishing all day yesterday, which is fine, except he came home at like, 9 instead of 6 like he said. I have to get up at 5:15 for work, so that's usually my bedtime. I'm an old lady, whatever. lol.
So he then decides that he has to vacuum seal all the fish he caught. And the damn thing isn't working and he has to do it like ten times and I cant sleep because I'm a suuuuper light sleeper (he knows this). Finally he gets done, takes a shower, gets into bed and I feel myself finally falling asleep... ive been trying to for *an hour* now. And then he's playing on his phone, and the damn thing is set to where it clicks when he types. SOOOO I still cant sleep. I glare at him and say, "Turn it off.." He goes "fuck this" and goes to sleep in the guest bedroom. Like... what?? Its a fucking switch on the side of your phone! Is that too much to ask? So I cried for like an hour, couldn't fall asleep, woke up with a headache...But I'm down a pound and have no appetite because I'm still upset/pissed off, sooo rave?
If you read this whole rambly whiney thing, thank you. I just needed to vent. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Shame from a shirt that didn't fit.
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 02:07:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gqw9a/shame_from_a_shirt_that_didnt_fit/
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I was on a very short vacation with my boyfriend, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend (she is beyond tiny and honestly, body goals imho). I didn't think I was -that- much bigger than her. I thought /maybe/ 20 lbs heavier. I didn't bring any "nice looking" clothes with me, so I asked to borrow a cute top of hers. It was a medium which I can usually wear comfortably. I went to the bathroom to put it on, excited that she and I wore close to the same size and.. I couldn't even get it past my shoulders??? I thought for a good 5-10 minutes I somehow was putting it on wrong, as it was kind of a weird design. But no matter how I tried to put it on, it squeezed my arms and I literally could not fit in it without ripping it. I was so ashamed. Going out there and saying, "It doesn't fit" broke me internally. I never want to eat again but at the same time I came home and drank then binged on pretzels. It doesn't help that we visited family while we were there, I'm sure many can relate, that means lots and lots of food. Someone hold me.

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[Intro] I HATE dinner
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 12 01:53:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gqum8/i_hate_dinner/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Do you count calories or nah?
/u/MidnightBlueFox [5'5 | CW: 136lbs | BMI: 23 | -14lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 23:27:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gqalc/do_you_count_calories_or_nah/
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I'm reallllyyy bad at keeping track of my calories. I will only keep track on My-Fitness Pal for a week or so and then stop for a month. However, the weird thing is that I never lose weight when I count. I'm not sure why. Maybe I underestimate the amount I'm consuming? Maybe it's because I get really upset when I watch the numbers climb throughout the day and sometimes binge because of that? I'm not sure...
I think I always have an *idea* of my calorie intake, but I never record the specific amount.
Anyways, I always lose the most weight when I don't count. Anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] Finally. A week (almost) binge-free.
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 22:30:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gq1yd/finally_a_week_almost_bingefree/
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You probably don't remember, but over recent months I'd repeatedly posted that I was finally going to stop binging and restricting in cycles. EVERY WEEK I thought it would definitely be different that week. And week after week, it wasn't.

Well finally, I got close enough. My typical pattern, remarkably similar most weeks, has been to restrict Mon-Wed, lose control and binge until maintenance-ish for the day on Thurs, and then binge my heart out Fri-Sun because I was disappointed about messing up Thursday. Usually, this lead to maintaining my weight for the week, but sometimes I gained and sometimes I lost. I can't describe how emotionally exhausting it has been. I've felt absolutely drained.

I'm not sure what changed, but I semi-succeeded this week! I restricted Mon-Wed as usual. I kept expecting the uncontrollable binge to maintenance on Thursday, but I went to bed without it. But then I couldn't sleep, and, lo and behold, I binged on 1361 calories at 2AM Friday morning. But rather than throw in the towel and stuff my face until Monday, I just set my app to a half a pound less strict for the week (still a substantial deficit), put the binge all on Friday's log, and ate very light once day came around. And I stayed within my new weekly limit through Sunday!!

I'm SO happy. I finally feel like I have a little control again! Now I just have to make an agonizing decision about how many calories per day to let myself eat this week. I know there are SO many strong reasons I need to eat more for a few weeks, but my brain is scrambling to invent any reason possible against it because I'm terrified to do it. :-/ But so far, it's looking like I may need a high restrict or maintenance week...

Thanks for listening to my dumb ramblings! ❤️ Have a wonderful start to your week. 😀

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Flying high on comments from boyfriend today
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F 🚬]
Created: Sun Jun 11 22:26:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gq1dv/rave_flying_high_on_comments_from_boyfriend_today/
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After picking me up while goofing around: "You're so light, I can just throw you around like it's nothing!"

In the shower (😏): "Water is pooling up in your little collarbone holes!"

😂😂 keep 'em coming, bucko.

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[Tip] Starting pro ED diet today--will it work? tips pls
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 22:25:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gq15s/starting_pro_ed_diet_todaywill_it_work_tips_pls/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Does any one else feel nauseated during restricting?
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 21:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpv6d/does_any_one_else_feel_nauseated_during/
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Every time I get myself under control and eat less than 750 calories, I go to bed so nauseated. I never vomit but it makes it so uncomfortable and nothing really helps.
If you guys have any suggestions to get rid of this please please let me know!

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[Help] Tips for not binging?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 21:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpp5m/tips_for_not_binging/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Is exercising while restricting even worth it?
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sun Jun 11 21:06:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpo5g/is_exercising_while_restricting_even_worth_it/
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Hello! So I've been thinking about taking up exercise again these days. The main reason for this is that summer vacation is two weeks away and I won't be moving as much, if not at all. I also remember fondly the time (2 months ago lol) where I used to wake up early and go for a run. It was a pleasant feeling, and I want it again. Besides, I want to avoid looking skinny fat once I reach my GW and I want to start healthy habits early.

But I don't want to give up restriction either, I don't think I'm ready. I'm planning on going for a walk/run every morning and doing a bodyweight routine 3x a week. I don't want to exercise until I faint either, I just want that feeling back, you know?

But is it even worth it? Will it change anything, as in how much muscle I'll lose and how I'll look in general, even though I'm not eating enough? If anybody else here is in the same situation, I'd be glad to hear your experiences!

Thanks! :)

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[Rant/Rave] Eff the food police!
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Sun Jun 11 20:22:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpgpq/eff_the_food_police/
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My mom does this when I visit and I can't stand it. Where she *always* feels the need to question or make remarks about what I do and don't eat.

*Really that's all you're going to have?*

*You've barely had anything today.*

*Well if you're not feeling well you need protein.* (hands me 2-3 already open cheese sticks or something like that)

*Here, I made you a plate.* (proceeds to hand me a mountainous pile food I didn't want on a full-size plate.)

OMFGWTFBBQ STAHP!!!

Just frustrates me to almost be guilted into not wasting the food she paid for or have to endure an endless barrage of commentary. I'm not even small, stop trying to keep me from finding my own inner peace.

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[Rant/Rave] Do you picture a future without your ed?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 20:03:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpddw/do_you_picture_a_future_without_your_ed/
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Whenever I daydream about what I want my life to be like... I go to my preferred uni, i move to Sydney, I become an engineer and adopt cute little babies... my ED is nowhere in sight. Idk what I think will happen. Realistically I'll either get so sick I'm treated, or just.... stop, and both of those seem so unrealistic rn. I feel like I'll always be in this cycle of getting down to a semi worrying weight, then gaining again until I'm healthier. But when I imagine the future I'm just effortlessly skinny and don't have any body issues

unrealistic I know

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[Rant/Rave] Anon Tumblr message today: "u got fat lol"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 19:37:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gp90x/anon_tumblr_message_today_u_got_fat_lol/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I haven't been able to weight myself since May; I will be able to Friday and I'm terrified
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sun Jun 11 19:03:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gp312/i_havent_been_able_to_weight_myself_since_may_i/
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I even tried to use one of those shitty gas station quarter ones but it was broken ;-; I'm freaking out what if somehow I gained 20lb? I can trust my eyes but it looks like I gained. I'm freaking out so bad in my head and i can't stop 🙃🙃🙃😬

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[Other] Reporting live, from the bathroom floor
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 100.2lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 18:34:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6goxyn/reporting_live_from_the_bathroom_floor/
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It's been a minute since I've lurked around this sub.
I'm currently shirking the cleaning duties from my latest b/p, and I'm laying on the floor until I feel well enough to get up a choke down a potassium pill because my heart is trying to escape lol.

How is everyone doing? I hope all is relatively well for a Sunday afternoon in June? (-:

Edit: took the pill with a homemade frappe (!!) and have begun the cleaning process. I hate cleaning vomit ):

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[Discussion] can you lose body fat just by eating very little + not exercising?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 18:13:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gotxz/can_you_lose_body_fat_just_by_eating_very_little/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm losing a kilo a week but it doesn't seem fast enough.
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 18:01:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gorrn/im_losing_a_kilo_a_week_but_it_doesnt_seem_fast/
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[removed]

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[Goal] I bought "goal shorts" today and I'm not sure how good of an idea it was.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F 🚬]
Created: Sun Jun 11 17:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6golfq/i_bought_goal_shorts_today_and_im_not_sure_how/
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I found some shorts I liked today at the thrift store, and since they're the only style/size of their kind, bought them even though they're too small. They're probably only one size too small, in that I can get them on and button them, but they're too tight and not comfortable and I definitely wouldn't want to wear them out anywhere.

My goal weight is seven pounds away. I figure I'll fit into them by then, and if not, they were five bucks. I'll live.

I just don't know if the whole "goal clothes" thing is the best for me mentally. I feel great when I shrink out of stuff, but I don't know how I'll feel the other way around.

What's y'all's experience with that kind of thing?

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[Rant/Rave] food videos - mini rant
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 130lbs | 21.07 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 15:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6go3qo/food_videos_mini_rant/
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All over Facebook/Insta they have the food tutorials - and I'm obsessed with watching them. Something about them is so mesmerizing. Probably because I love/hate food.

It's great for getting ideas for recipes, and I think it's brought back a culture of cooking at home rather than going out.

But on some of them: They say "only 250 calories a piece" - and I'm like, "Bitch, I can count calories in my sleep. And if you think that's 250 calories I'll see you when you're 250 pounds."

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[Thinspo] Red Velvet Wendy 💕
/u/sevenandthree [161cm | GW 45kg | 25F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 15:18:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnwn8/red_velvet_wendy/
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http://i.imgur.com/KJ0ZgHg.png

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[Discussion] What are your ideal body measurements?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 14:39:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnoom/what_are_your_ideal_body_measurements/
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I'm currently 5'6, 115 lbs, 31"/24"/33". I'd like to be 98 lbs, and whatever stats come along with that, but if I was to choose I'd say 30"/22"/31"

Also just out of curiosity, any gals around 5'6 95-100 lbs, what are your stats?

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[Help] Does anyone know how many mL of milk (almond) goes into a 12oz takeaway cup?
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F 🌱]
Created: Sun Jun 11 14:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnmj6/does_anyone_know_how_many_ml_of_milk_almond_goes/
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Google says 12 oz is 355mL. But do they put less milk in and then froth it which creates more volume? One espresso shot is 1oz (30mL) so if you have a double shot cappuccino do you track it as 295mL of whatever milk or is that too much/too little? Idk.

Does frothing milk add volume? How do you track your cappuccino calories? The place I get my coffee from uses Almond Breeze Barista Blend which is 60 cal/250mL.

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[Rant/Rave] So I binged
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 14:21:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnl2y/so_i_binged/
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My total today will probably be around 2500

fuck that

I swear tomorrow will be good though. I have it all mapped out: Yogurt for breakfast (120), scrambled eggs (140) and a peach (60) for lunch, then taquitos for dinner (310), and a cup of almond milk before bed (30), plus a 3 mile walk (-240). So a net of 420.

I'm starting a new school in the fall and I don't want the people there to see the fat me

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[Rant/Rave] appetite: obliterated
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:29:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnaq7/appetite_obliterated/
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https://i.redd.it/chwt5kjpi23z.jpg

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[Discussion] Does anyone have experience using drugs to get to their goal weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:25:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gn9to/does_anyone_have_experience_using_drugs_to_get_to/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else weigh less when they feel fatter, and weight more when they feel thinner?
/u/scribbledoll [5'0'' | 137 |28 | IDK | Girl? Ish?]
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:16:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gn7zb/does_anyone_else_weigh_less_when_they_feel_fatter/
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Before I weigh myself, I ask myself how I feel. Sometimes I feel thinner than usual but then I step on the scale, and it's a higher number. Times when I feel so fat and jiggly, I step on the scale and it's a lower number. It kinda messes with me a little. I like how a pleasant surprise can make me feel better, but if I'm feeling okay about myself and see a higher number... it really sucks.

Edit: In the title, it should be "weigh more" not "weight more", sorry!

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[Rant/Rave] Rabies vaccine
/u/lunarian7
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:10:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gn6sr/rabies_vaccine/
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So I got bit by stray cat and had to get vaccinated for rabies which was super random and stressful, plus the vaccine involved two big shots in the thigh, one in the arm, and 40+ tiny ones around the bite area so it was painful and miserable.

But since then I've felt literally no desire to eat. It's amazing. It must be the the vaccine since nothing else has changed. Like if health care was free here maybe I would do it again.

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[Goal] Bathing suit reality check (before pictures)
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sun Jun 11 12:22:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmwy0/bathing_suit_reality_check_before_pictures/
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https://i.redd.it/qkf7ne1o623z.jpg

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[Discussion] How do I not turn a maintenance day into a binge week?
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmqzm/how_do_i_not_turn_a_maintenance_day_into_a_binge/
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My head hurts and I'm exhausted.

I've been netting 0 to 200 calories for about a week.... And I don't do much exercise so that means usually about 300 calories a day.

I feel like this is the feeling when I need a maintenance day but I've never really done that before. I've certainly had binge days that turn into weeks.

I'm going to ensure everything that I eat today is healthy and hearty but I'm really hoping that I don't go overboard and lose control.

How do you keep a maintenance day from turning into a binge day.


Edit: ended the day at: 1037 calories. I would say I did well if half of the calories weren't directly before bed haha.

Now I just hope I can stay strong and in control today.

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[Thinspo] [Thinspo] Before/After
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:47:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmpoa/thinspo_beforeafter/
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http://www.myproana.com/uploads/monthly_02_2016/post-204707-0-26618000-1454517467.jpg

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http://www.myproana.com/uploads/monthly_02_2016/post-204707-0-26618000-1454517467.jpg
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:46:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmpim/httpwwwmyproanacomuploadsmonthly_02/
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http://[Thinspo] Before/After

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[Rant/Rave] I live with a girl who has my ultimate goal body but I can't hate her because she's too nice >:(
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmp2z/i_live_with_a_girl_who_has_my_ultimate_goal_body/
---
She is the epitome of all things goals.

She's artistic, dresses SO WELL/COOL, she's TEENY, thin, perfect hourglass figure, her face is so perfect it's unreal. She just can't look bad. And the icing on the cake is that she has her cute little south African accent because she's from South Africa. (I actually have like 3 south Africans living with me and they're all abnormally pretty?? Like ?? wtf is in the water there)

I want to hate her so bad but I can't because she's so nice. She's literally so perfect and it's so confusing. I love her and am happy for her that she's so beautiful and so kind, but at the same time I want to be her so damn badly. GAHHHHHHH I HATE LIVING WITH PRETTY PEOPLE SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO BE A HERMIT ON MY OWN WITH MAYBE A DOG OR SOMETHING

---

[Help] I hate myself and am dying
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:29:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmm0q/i_hate_myself_and_am_dying/
---
Another 3500 Cal binge. I drank so much last night. I am an idiot and ate so much fucking mcdonald's and somehow managed to give myself a concussion and bum my knee. Everything hurts I'm gaining weight and I'm dying and sad 😢🙃

---

[Rant/Rave] I broke my fast, but that's okay.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:01:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmg6m/i_broke_my_fast_but_thats_okay/
---
For the second time this week I end a fast prematurely.

About 44 hours into what was meant to be a 72 hour fast, I ate.

That's okay, though. I'm still at my lowest weight so far, and I will still lose today. I ended up having about 1000 calories, so not too bad?

---

[Rant/Rave] you guys I fucking love asparagus
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | *CRYING INTENSIFIES* | why | 13.4kg |]
Created: Sun Jun 11 10:07:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gm5cx/you_guys_i_fucking_love_asparagus/
---
I just ate an entire lb for 99 calories and I'm so full right now. If only I could find out how to sell my kidney, so I could afford more asparagus. Fucking bless.

edit: they're very nutritious too. I've got over 50 percent of my iron covered for the day, just from this one meal :')

---

[Rant/Rave] What can I do with all the extra skin?
/u/eca3c4
Created: Sun Jun 11 08:10:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6glk0z/what_can_i_do_with_all_the_extra_skin/
---
Since the last two years I lost 50lbs without exercising. I plan to lose more 10lbs and I already have extra skin. Is there any other solutions apart from exercise and surgery?

edit: sorry for not putting a flair, mobile etc etc

---

[Discussion] What do you do when you don't have scales?
/u/forestfloorpool [✶170cm • bmi18.3 • gbmi17.3 • 24f✶]
Created: Sun Jun 11 07:24:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6glco1/what_do_you_do_when_you_dont_have_scales/
---
I don't own scales, and am not at my parents regularly enough or at appropriate hours to accurately measure my weight. What can I do? My husband will be far too suspicious if I bought scales.

---

[Thinspo] |Thinspo| Holy wow
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |113.2 | -106.8 | GW: 110 | UGW:100 | 20A]
Created: Sun Jun 11 06:26:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gl4g1/thinspo_holy_wow/
---
https://imgur.com/a/bOhIS

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 11 06:11:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gl2g6/daily_food_diary_june_11_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 11 06:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gl2c2/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

---

[Rant/Rave] "You're soooooo hot!" [Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57kg | BMI 19.05 |- 16kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:43:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkyxk/youre_soooooo_hot_rave/
---
Went out last night and my friend comes up to me and was like "honestly you have lost so much weight, you look amazing! You weren't fat before but oh my god! You look so hot! I was thinking about it yesterday when you were wearing your flared jeans at work!"

Yesssssssssssss I'm so happy rn.

---

[Rant/Rave] Not all calories are created equal
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:15:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkvnb/not_all_calories_are_created_equal/
---
On mobile so flair as rant rave.

I am still technically fasting in my mind cause I haven't had solid food in like five days or something but this is my second night getting fucked up drunk.

My coworker botched a customer drink and gave me a couple sips of a Moscow mule which is something like vodka and ginger beer and also I samples our in house grapefruit pomegranate Margarita all during my last few hours cause I had a traumatic recall type of moment and needed something to take the edge off

I then hung out with a coworker and we drank with some of there friends mostly preseco or wine or something from a water bottle I think I drank a bit but just feel drunk not full or bloated so I gotta wonder if bodies absurd alcohol calories the same way.

Don't get me wrong I usually fear the hidden calories in alcohol but I feel like I know a lot of people who drink a lot and don't eat much of anything especially they drink and party and are rail thin.

That is kind of one of my goals to just be able to party a lot and not put on weight. I avoided food all day and maybe had to euqiviant of two shots of vodka some ginger beer and a few glasses of wine but I walked a ton so maybe I'm even.

Not looking foreword to checking the scale tomorrow but I was probably still at a deficit cause all my calories came from alcohol pretty much.

I feel like I discovered a cheat code I can be functionally tipsy at work and numb off to clock and not even think about eating. I hung out with some of my coworkers friends and they seemed to like me a bit evened though I looked like shit and got kinda drunk and stoned.

I still feel a lot for K my other coworkers but it seems like R the one I hung out with tonight cares more they asked me to hang out we stayed out late and they got me home safe and even though they have a boyfriend I can see myself being friends with R though I really do want physical chemistry with K because I think K is really sweet and attractive and wonderful but maybe if K doesn't seem how great i can be they doesn't deserve me. I hope I can hang out with R again and their friends.

Anyone else count calories ezcept alcohol? I honestly don't feel that bloated really and just tipsy so maybe alcohol calories won't make be gain weight what if I just do alcohol binges it's unlikely I can binge more than 1000 calories of alcohol without passing out and it takes the edge off so mayne I'm on to something....

Willow

---

[Humor] Let's play some Cards Against Humanity!
/u/gala-gala
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:14:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkvka/lets_play_some_cards_against_humanity/
---
I made a themed game, join:
http://pyx-2.pretendyoure.xyz/zy/game.jsp#game=14
10 players, 10 spectators

password: scales

---

[Tip] These things are perfect for summer, super sweet, cold, kill my ice cream cravings and only 30 kcal 👌
/u/MetBloedBesmeurd [161 cm | CW 57 kg | BMI 22 | -0 kg | GW 48 kg | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkty1/these_things_are_perfect_for_summer_super_sweet/
---
http://i.imgur.com/r8Gjr6I.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] How's everyone doing today?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 04:55:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gktem/hows_everyone_doing_today/
---
I'm feeling weirdly optimistic. Just drank a v8 fusion, I'd forgotten how good they are!! Serving of fruits and veggies plus caffeine, and only 50 calories. 😍 I've got zero appetite and I just feel like today's going to be a good day. How are y'all?

---

[Thinspo] Started a thinspo channel on telegram, looking for members and admins! Pm me on @tbhfam for admin
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 02:00:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkb6j/started_a_thinspo_channel_on_telegram_looking_for/
---
http://t.me/thinspo

---

[Rant/Rave] Why he gotta be like that UGH
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 11 00:59:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gk4ie/why_he_gotta_be_like_that_ugh/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] Water
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sun Jun 11 00:04:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjyf2/water/
---
Is anyone else oddly grateful for water?? Like everyday I'm here thinking "damn, thank god water is 0 calories". Could you imagine if we had to count it too??

Also you can take it in almost unlimited amounts, it can fill you up, give you more energy, help with water weight and acne and you can also flavor it with tea bags and stuff and just!! I love it!!

I know I'm being way too excited about water but honestly, it's really underrated in first world countries and truly important for many other aspects of our lives.

Now if only I could actually remind myself to drink enough of it lmao.

---

[Tip] Weird appetite suppressant? I've had a sore throat the post couple days and have been eating these a few times a day and my hunger has been practically non existent since I've started eating them. Has anyone else experienced this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 23:17:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjsmu/weird_appetite_suppressant_ive_had_a_sore_throat/
---
https://i.redd.it/l78plmrjay2z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else hate working in food service?
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:128lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 22:24:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjlmo/anyone_else_hate_working_in_food_service/
---
I work in a restaurant and it is the **worst**. I'm surrounded by super calorie dense foods for up to 11 hours a day 5 days a week and it is sooo hard not to binge eveyr time I walk into that place. I've considered quitting just because of how awful it is at times. Lately I've started bringing snap peas or celery to graze on through the day so I don't mess up my restriction, or on days when I'm fasting I load up on water, powerade zero, and zero calorie energy drinks. It's so frustrating because I can't use work to get away from food like I used to. Work **is** food. It feels impossible to not just shove an entire entree and an entire appetizer in my face when I know no one is watching sometimes.

Thankfully, I think my self control is improving, mainly because I can't go home and just purge everything anymore. (I live with my boyfriend in a studio and he is almost always home when I get off of work.) And I won't dare purge at work unless I'm the only woman in the store, just in case.

I wish I had a job where I wouldn't have access to food unless I brought it myself. My life would be so much easier and I wouldn't keep bouncing back to square one. :( End rant.

---

[Rant/Rave] Oh damn my stomach hurts too much
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sat Jun 10 21:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjdcx/oh_damn_my_stomach_hurts_too_much/
---
I ate way too much today and I feel like I'm about to throw up. I don't mean purging, like straight up throwing up because my stomach can't take it. (I've never purged because I'm deathly scared of vomiting. It's the most uncomfortable thing ever and my fear of throwing up is pretty much the only thing that kept me from starting to purge that way, thankfully.)

Anyways, I forgot how painful it feels to binge, both physically and emotionally. At least now that I ate in front of others, they have no reason to think that I'm starving myself the rest of the time and if they ask why i never eat, I'm just gonna bring up this day and how i literally ate the whole damn kitchen. Also if I do get sick and end up throwing up, it'll be as if I didn't eat all this junk, I guess. Bright side, yay...

Ughh this is the last time I swear, I can't even sleep it hurts soo much helpp 😣😣

Edit : oh its all right lmao I'm okay now

Edit 2 : waaAAAIT ITS HURTING AGAIN I AM DYING FUCK THIS

---

[Rant/Rave] First day of family vacation off to a...start.
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 20:47:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gj7ro/first_day_of_family_vacation_off_to_astart/
---
I'm visiting my mom and sister this week and it's going to be really hard but I'm trying. My sister eats a ton and she always wants to go out to eat. My mom always wants me to make her cookies and stuff (sucks being a good cook sometimes).

I tried to suggest some healthier options for the week, and thankfully we'll be having some good fruits and veggies, but for the most part I'm still pretty worried.

Total cals for the day: 1,150. Not what I would want on a normal day, but honestly not the worst!

Just six more days...

---

[Help] I'm Confused About Sizing
/u/falafelwafflerofl
Created: Sat Jun 10 20:05:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gj1g0/im_confused_about_sizing/
---
Okay, so here's the deal. I'm 5'8" and started off at 205lbs, but I'm now 143lbs. I was a size 16 at the start, but just went shopping for new shorts and a pair of jeans today. I wear size 5 in junior's for the jean shorts and 4 in women's for the jeans. I feel like that's way too small for how heavy I still am. I workout and lift, but don't feel like I have that much muscle. Am I crazy? 😢

---

[Discussion] How to stop the shakes when fasting?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 19:56:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gj01v/how_to_stop_the_shakes_when_fasting/
---
I am currently 26 hours into a fast, and I am starting to shake. I've fasted longer than this before, so I know that I can do it. Does anyone know of ways to stop the shakes?

---

[Other] 72 hour fast
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 19:21:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gius3/72_hour_fast/
---
[removed]

---

[Thinspo] Ballerinas, I'm obsessed lately tbh
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:51:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gipuq/ballerinas_im_obsessed_lately_tbh/
---
http://imgur.com/a/QjmNz

---

[Rant/Rave] I just wanna be dainty and tiny
/u/BluestNovember [5'4" | SW: 200+ lbs | CW: too high | BMI: under 40 | -26lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:34:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gimyb/i_just_wanna_be_dainty_and_tiny/
---
My sister sent me a message over Facebook that said, "because I have some and I'm okay with them" and it was a story about an artist who recorded a song called "Thunder Thighs." I don't think my sister can tell I'm struggling, but all that inspires in me is the thought, "I wanna be tiny and dainty and have such tiny ankles they look like they could snap with a little pressure." I don't want thunder thighs. I know she was trying to be supportive, but man... it triggered me so badly.

---

[Rant/Rave] Im 🙃 going 🙃 to 🙃 have 🙃 a 🙃 mental 🙃 breakdown 🙃🙃🙃
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 108.0 | 21.31 | -76 | F 🌸]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gimp6/im_going_to_have_a_mental_breakdown/
---
We are so fucking broke. I am out of work for the summer. And SOs job all of a sudden is giving him no hours we are so fucking broke. I wrote out the budget for the next three months and money is so fucking tight. I had to cancel my therapy for the next three months. I basically cannot go anywhere. I have to try to find another job bartending or something at night. I fucking hate food service. Fuck me. We are at the end of our shit with each other, constantly so stressed out and bickering. Just fuck.

But at least my terrible coping mechanisms have kicked in and I've been eating sub 600 kcal a day, and I finally broke 110 and weighed in at 109 yesterday so? Yay?

So yeah. Fuck. Sorry for another rant, but y'all are so nice and I have no friends 🤷🏼‍♀️

---

[Rant/Rave] When did gas stations get so safe?
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:31:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gime0/when_did_gas_stations_get_so_safe/
---
Some amazing things I saw at a small gas station today when I was fearing the worst:

* Calorie labels on all the machines/food (the labels on the pizza/hot dogs scared me away)
* Sugar-free syrups for coffee
* Pre-packaged salads
* Quest bars
* Fruit cups
* Small bags of baked chips/popcorn
* Greek yogurt
* Pretty much any diet soda/energy drink/sparkling water you could ask for

I apparently need to go into gas stations more often.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like nothing matters except how my body looks.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 17:55:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gigcq/i_feel_like_nothing_matters_except_how_my_body/
---
Every day I'm depressed. I'm on meds. I'm in therapy twice a week. It's so hard to maintain hope that things will get better. And like, I've been depressed since middle school... I'm 25 now. I'm not going to kill myself, but I can't find a good reason to live. It's just so hard all the time.

---

[Other] Guardian Article - Trigger Warning
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F 🌼]
Created: Sat Jun 10 17:27:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gibg5/guardian_article_trigger_warning/
---
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jun/10/anorexia-pip-mcmanus-fight-died-eating-disorder-medical-care-failed?CMP=fb_gu

I have followed Pip's story, told through the words and accounts of her parents, since her death. She was 15.

Reading this article, reading about these failures reminds me of the exact conversations my parents had with medical professionals when I first began suffering from anorexia at 14. I was passed around from pillar to post, never offered therapy or counselling. The focus was entirely on my eating. Nobody ever asked me in a professional setting how I was feeling, despite the fact that internally I was depressed and suicidal. Doctors addressed my parents and not me. My parents in turn were reported to Social services for potential neglect, because what parent can't force their child to eat, right? It was a horrific time.

It's been 10 years and I am still here. I've relapsed several times, but hidden it from professionals and my parents to save their grief and guilt. Nothing seems to have changed in the UK, and it makes me sad. It strikes me that ED sufferers and their families often have far more insight than GPs, nurses and doctors.

Despite the sadness, I just wanted to share the perspective of two parents grieving for their child, and their account of her illness. 💕

---

[Help] I'm coming to the UK!
/u/biggoldie
Created: Sat Jun 10 16:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gi54o/im_coming_to_the_uk/
---
I haven't ever traveled outside of the US so this is really exciting! Are there any things I can be on the lookout for that you can get in the UK and not the US? Obviously ed specific...

---

[Goal] [goals] YAAAASSSS
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Sat Jun 10 16:45:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gi40n/goals_yaaaassss/
---
I finally hit double digits again and I wasn't even trying to lose!! I THOUGHT I was eating at maintenance, but I guess not?

I could not be happier, though it's a bit strange to me given that I had half of an entire taco bell yesterday

BUT WHATEVER THAT'S TOMORROW'S PROBLEM

Today I am gonna make myself something I really like as a treat 😘💓

I love all of you

---

[Other] Lost 30 lbs fairly quickly. Still feel enormous.
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 16:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gi16z/lost_30_lbs_fairly_quickly_still_feel_enormous/
---
I don't own a scale and have been tracking my progress with measuring tape. About 4 inches down on the fattest part of my belly which is cool I guess. Weighed myself at my friends house and it looks like about 30 lbs. I still wear the same clothes and some are fitting better/looser but I still feel like I look the same. I don't physically feel any different. The worst is my arms. I think I have loose skin!! I hate wearing tee shirts now not because my arms are still enormously fat, but because they're still big looking from all the skin! Does anyone know if this will go away? I've been at my hw before years ago and lost about 50 before ballooning up again but I do NOT remember loose skin being an issue. What the hell?? Feels like I can't win.

---

[Humor] Fasting for 8 hours
/u/orgy-of-nerdiness [5'5" | 137 lb | 23.0 | -25 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 15:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghtu0/fasting_for_8_hours/
---
So I had to make an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound because of pain that might be a gallbladder issue. I called to make the appointment yesterday.

The person making the appointment said I couldn't have anything to eat or drink for 8 hours prior to the appointment. She was then like "um we don't have any morning appointments until the week after next"

Me: what about afternoon appointments?

Her: well you have to not eat or drink for 8 hours

Me: Okay. I'm fine with an afternoon appointment.

Her: you're fine with nothing to eat or drink *for 8 hours?* The earliest I have is 4pm

Me: yeah that's fine

Her: you're *sure?* **Nothing** to eat or drink for 8 hours. Not even water.

Me: yes, really, I understand and I'm fine with that.

So I have an appointment for this Monday rather than having to wait at least another whole week. Based on her response you'd think I was agreeing to subject myself to torture or something.

---

[Goal] So I'm really proud of myself for a vain reason.
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Sat Jun 10 15:47:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghtn7/so_im_really_proud_of_myself_for_a_vain_reason/
---
My best friend wanted to go to the pool and I agreed to go with her. I planned to fast for two days before that so I could look "hot". That didn't end up happening, but I still had the confidence to put on my swimsuit and drive my ass to the pool. And you know what? I didn't hate my body. I thought I, dare I say it, looked decent. I didn't try to hide my body. I even took a picture at the pool and POSTED IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. I would have never ever even considered doing this months ago, even years ago. I'm just happy that I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with my body. It's a nice feeling and I hope every single one of you can experience it soon <3

---

[Rant/Rave] The epitome of a rant/rave
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 15:40:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghs68/the_epitome_of_a_rantrave/
---
**RAVE**

I went for a run tonight even tho I was tired af, and i felt AMAZING after. When I got back, I started stretching outside my apartment and I started talking to this guy and he told me how to properly stretch and shit. He said that I can stretch doing a squat all the way down. So I'm like "isn't that bad for your knees?" And he's like "I'm pretty sure your knees can hold your body weight. What are you, 90lbs?"

90
Fucking
Pounds


I almost cried I was so happy. I don't look anywhere near 90lbs :')

Then later in my room, my roommate came in with her friends and they're like talking to me about the army and shit (I'm joining the army) and one girl goes "you're gonna look so pretty in your uniform" and she and my roommate were like "yeah she's really pretty"
Super confidence boost esp cuz I'm in sweaty running clothes and my hair is a mess and I look and smell like shit and I'm not even pretty ???

Whatevs, everyone's judgment is *clearly* off today but I ain't mad.


**RANT**

after all this happiness, how did I react? By binging on cereal, candy, and Doritos of course!!! FML :))

The only reason I'm not completely hating myself rn is cuz I'm still riding off dem post run endorphins.

---

[Rant/Rave] Apparently it doesn't matter if I purge or not
/u/Discountmein
Created: Sat Jun 10 14:33:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghfkw/apparently_it_doesnt_matter_if_i_purge_or_not/
---
My body is still going to act like I do.

TLDR; I'm a bee-phobic baby who punches trash cans, date me

I've never done an intro post here because I'm not an interesting human, but I have struggled with disordered eating for a little over 10 years now. I used to purge very frequently, especially the time I relapsed before this one. I am at the point between relapse and """recovery""" where I feel my """"eating disorder"""" is either annoying or kind of funny.

But sometimes it's almost painfully ironic. Like. I haven't been bingeing or purging! I only restrict and even then I have days where I eat anywhere from 1200-3000 calories. But that doesn't seem to matter to my asshole body, who is convinced I need to be reminded just how much quality time I've had with puke.

The first example is Russel's Sign. I never had it, not even when I was purging almost everything I ate. Never, ever had a scab or scrape on my knuckles from purging. And I still don't, but the trash can at work took a giant chunk of skin out of the middle knuckle on my dominant hand, so now I have "Russel's Sign" anyway. Lol @ me 🙃

Secondly, I went out to eat this past weekend and decided that I was going to try my best to eat """"normally""""" aka eat anything without trying to analyze it on a molecular, anthropological, social, moral, or philosophical level aka I ate a portion my friends without eating disorders would eat. But apparently that doesn't matter! All my careful and calculated ease (lol), the time I spent drunkenly looking into my own eyes in the restaurant bathroom mirror (thinking "it's okay honey, the margaritas were worth it" lololol), the desperate attempts to appear normal—it all became a moot point. Literally. Or rather, physically. As soon as I got back to the car, I laughed (picture those white women laughing at salad stock photos, that's the carefree life I was going for) and immediately just... puked? Sort of? It was like I was a little baby getting burped but also the towel the baby gets sick on. Amazing. Sexy. Put Together. That's me!

I predict that somehow, sometime soon, I'll get stung by a bee symmetrically on my face to mimic swollen salivary glands. It's the only logical progression.

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[Rant/Rave] I wish every day was like today
/u/poop_dawg [5'8" | CW: 145 | GW: 110 | BMI: 22 | +10lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 14:16:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghcan/i_wish_every_day_was_like_today/
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I woke up, *slightly* hungover. I don't have work today, and my tiny hangover has completely quelled my hunger. I've been laying in my backyard blasting music for hours and it only just occurred to me that I haven't thought about food.

Today is a good day.

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[Help] Bad timing, help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 13:21:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gh1go/bad_timing_help/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] when you're surrounded by normal eaters
/u/nakaiyuri [5' 4.5 // cw: ㅠㅠ // 🐕 🐕 same🍑username yall]
Created: Sat Jun 10 13:09:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggzd4/when_youre_surrounded_by_normal_eaters/
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yesterday, there was a 'mandatory' beach day during work hours and all the interns were essentially forced to go... and i'm trying to maintain a 400cal intake so i put all of this delicious food i haven't seen in a while on my plate ((( fries, bbq chicken, hotdogs, burgers, & the like ))) and i managed to eat the less-caloric parts, for example, eating the sausage, but not the bun of the hot dog, etc.


and i left most of it on my plate!! but it still looked like i ate, so i "blended in"




but then i guess i took the "blending in" too far because i decided to allow myself to have a cookie (wasn't even worth it tbh) and i joked to one of the other interns (who are all guys btw because there are no other compsci girl interns here sadly) to get me more fries *as a joke* but then they all started teasing me about eating **too. much.** when literally they were shoveling 1.5k+++ calories into their mouths whilst i only had a calculated 400!!!!


obviously they were joking and ik they were doing it as an attempt to get friendlier/closer to me -- because they are all really nice peeps -- and i pretended to be embarrassed + laughed it off, but honestly i was furious and ugh now i'm known as the girl who "can't stop eating" ... and it's literally like my third day here


on the bright side: this incident has now fueled in me a more-intensified fixation on fasting / not eating much at work to dispel the notion that i eat a lot on the reg


s i g h can anyone else relate??

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[Help] I'm having a hard time
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat Jun 10 13:02:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggxx1/im_having_a_hard_time/
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I keep wanting to b/p more because I'm getting more anxious about starting my actual career. I start my work week next week as a Registered Nurse and I would be orientating and going to classes and I'm just having a hard time, getting anxious, wanting to be dead.

It doesn't make sense how a b/p session can actually solve my problems or whatever but what is logic in ED-world

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[Help] not losing any weight ):
/u/xxjojo
Created: Sat Jun 10 12:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggrvv/not_losing_any_weight/
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[removed]

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[Humor] If every single one of these ain't me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:51:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggk1d/if_every_single_one_of_these_aint_me/
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https://depressionmeal.tumblr.com/

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My sister might have an ED and it's making me jealous.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggjvv/my_sister_might_have_an_ed_and_its_making_me/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Just a short post of yay!
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 132 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:28:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggfi5/just_a_short_post_of_yay/
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I actually managed to stay under 400cal on a FRIDAY and even lost 1.5lbs this week! I'm probably going to eat maintenance on Sunday, but I'm so happy I finally feel like I can control myself at work.

Powerade zero and quest bars are my friends today. ☺️

I just have to keep steady and hopefully I'll be in the 120s by July. We have a 4th of July event with my bf's family and I wanna show off how good I'll look (since half of his relatives are snooty rich folks and trophy wives) 😈

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[Rant/Rave] Recovery is hard (whining)
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:18:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggdmy/recovery_is_hard_whining/
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TW probably - self harm urges and stuff

I'm supposed to be recovering but all that's happening is I'm getting weak. Lunch was a sandwich, and I ate it because I was weak. I even *enjoyed* it because that's how weak I've gotten and I hate myself. I wish I could starve for days as punishment for enjoying it too much but my parents are going to make me eat again in just a few hours. The greedy pig in me is excited for it. Excited to eat again. I need to kill that part of me with starvation but I can't starve and it's SO FRUSTRATING.

I'm dressed and ready to go for a run or do weights, but part of me promised myself I'd never work out in secret. But I need to do *something*. I need to purge out this greed somehow, but I've never done the whole throwing up thing. I've tried but always failed. I want to carve out my stomach with a knife. Carving myself up has been on my mind for awhile, but I've never been a self harmer and I know it would kill my mom if I started. I just don't know what to do with my fat self. I've got no one to call so here I am ranting.


Edit: spelling

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[Other] Dealing w/ weight restoration after years underweight, when underweight was your "normal" for as long as you really recall .... Anyone else still not functioning despite weight rqestoration????
/u/azureice1984 [5'5.5 | FAT | FAT | lost 65ish lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggbul/dealing_w_weight_restoration_after_years/
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Hey so im weight restored. it took over a year. and it has not been cceptable to me at any time, but i did it of my own volition bc im an adult and my finances and medical stuff need sorted if i do end up dying of this, as i dont want to leave a grieving family a legal nightmare- there was no way i could fix my finances with my brain how it was near my LW.

I struggle to relate to a lot of things i read, its just not relatable. I feel really alone. I cant relate to peopke who weight restore in a few weeks/months, i cant relate to people who can get dressed without crying after weight restoration, or people who can hold down a job and daily sshower anymore (even though i was one for years). Effectively, i was really sick long enough in my last relapseand it fucked up my brain, enough my memory is affected so i literally cant remember functioning. My complications also make it so a lot more things than used to be hard are hard now than ever were.

But im weight restored. And not for barely a week, ok, ive been out of danger zone for almost a year and not underweight for six months, and im near the middle of the bmi's now.

I feel like most of the girls who dont function well on the level i do are still at/near their LWs, and like most who *do* weight resstore and attempt some treatment get a lot more of their functioning and life and health back than i did.

I still cant hold down a jpb, panic attacaks at unexp2cted thingw in the kitchen, need a very safe environment to eat, cant manage hygiene at a socially acceotable level (it's not unsafe, but its embarrassing), saw 1 friend once athis year and 0 friends the year before and the year before that saw my friends once when a then-boyfriend invited my friends to his ssocial gathering bc he knew i hadnt seen them. Yet bc i was so sick befire (daily bping etc), my family is *so fucking glad* that i'm doing "so good." I think im not doing that great and am literalky ashamed that i canthandle even a fraction of what i used to befire my last relpase (about 5-7 years ago i guess, is when that relapse started)....

Please tell me im not alone? Lemme know how it is for you?

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Stop the world I wanna get off..about last night and where my heads at.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 10 10:52:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gg8rg/stop_the_world_i_wanna_get_offabout_last_night/
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On mobile flair as rant rave.

I'm sorry for the drunk post every it didn't seem well relieved and probably wasn't great. I did some thinking about have been able to reflect since being sobered up now.

Not eating is great cause you get drunk really easy and then the anxiety just goes away. Unfortunately so do inhibitions. I fucked up.

I felt weird hanging out with my coworker because she's really attractive and really sweet and seemed to actually listen to me and I actually got that kind of positive validation I really wanted because truth be told I have no friends.

This was great and all but drunk me decided it was going to great. Fast foreword to being at home and sending some long winded texts about how great it was hanging out and then waking up a bit ago to her responses.

Don't really know what to expect or did expect. I'm still awkward and a weird and no I just feel weird. We don't work side by side really. She's administration and front of house and I cook.

I'm getting to the ED stuff too so hold tight.

With having weird feelings and wanting to be more connected with this coworker because we have a crazy amount in common I also feel shitty.

It feels like fake news. It can't be really I want to think "how dare anyone humanize me or my weakness" ( I told her about my ED but explained I'm functioning or sort of "recovered" ) and so I feel like I'm going to strain this friendship or whatever or eventually blow it.

All the stress makes me want to just seize more control of my body. I need to keep fasting. I know that she knows I'm sick or "was" sick and now I want to get worse before her eyes and I guess for everyone. I want every else to see me suffer because I feel like I deserve to suffer and also because I want people to just know.

I don't really know how to explain it.

I don't feel like I broke my fast even though I did. I am using the same numbers or times as day increments because I don't think a bit of alcohol will make too much of a difference.

I guess I restricted a bit successfully with alcohol but I still feel like in fasting from food and my body won't get any nutrients from the alcohol so it may keep consuming the fat and muscle I do have.

So that's that. Continuing to fast with more motivation than before and feeling hopeful and yet more alienated. Also feeling like I'm towing the line for this weird friendship where I know too much about my coworker so the ship has sailed for any kind of physicality...

So that's how my weekend started...

Willow.

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[Help] Are potatoes really that bad?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | CW:100.8 | BMI:16.34 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:15:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfq4b/are_potatoes_really_that_bad/
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Okay, I've been binging nonstop lately. I'm afraid to weight myself... I binged at least 3,000 calories a day for the last 5 days. I mostly ate dry cereal, sushi, mixed nuts, potato chips, and buttery popcorn...

I read somewhere potatoes have high satiety value because it actually contains quite bit of water... should I make some fries or chips out of it to satisfy my cravings?
Anything else I can do?!!

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[Help] Calorie restricting when you're already short and small is SO difficult. Any petite girls here with success?
/u/katsnew
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:14:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfpxt/calorie_restricting_when_youre_already_short_and/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm at a cross road
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:09:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfp70/im_at_a_cross_road/
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It's like I'm stuck between beginning to be okay and falling deep down the rabbit hole.
I've moved away from home and now no longer have access to a scale, only measuring tape.

And my boyfriend makes food (or occasionally we go out to eat) but it's not where I can obsessively count anymore. And to be fair the food he makes he makes safe for me so I know it won't matter anyways.

I find myself eating more relaxed. I find myself having a donut.

And for a second it's all okay. I'm not sick.

I bought work clothes early this week and I'm a size 6 and got an extra small dress.

For a second I can eat normal and I'm okay.


And then I eat 10 half baked sugar cookies cause I made them and I don't like food waste. And I feel sick and I hate myself and I tell my boyfriend I'll eat while he's at work but we both know that won't happen.

I just im at this cross road where one road is the road I know and the other is new and in the long run supposedly better. But I just don't think I'm ready to do that yet.

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[Discussion] Do fidget spinners help prevent binges?
/u/luxetnox
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfntd/do_fidget_spinners_help_prevent_binges/
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so i had a binge streak (1.5k cals a day) and although I didn't gain weight (IK IM SO LUCKY), i decided to go on a fast just as a mental detox. I was doing pretty well but I totally forgot I was fasting and had a bite of a brownie 56(?) hours in.
Ive started another fast. I'm 11 hours in (lol can you tell i'm obsessed with numbers?) and CAN STILL TASTE THE BROWNIE. Yes I've brushed my teeth and downed several glasses of water but I can still taste that brownie. It was so good. It has like a chocolate caramel toffee kind of filling... actually it wasn't even a brownie; it was a blondie. As you can see, I am obsessed.
Anyway my question is will a fidget spinner prevent a binge?

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[Goal] Personal achievement✨
/u/peachyoat
Created: Sat Jun 10 08:57:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfmwg/personal_achievement/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Phrase Bingo
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sat Jun 10 08:35:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfj65/phrase_bingo/
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I think I won bingo this week! The things my husband has said to me in 7 days

* you look like your losing weight, why?

* no, I get it! You *think* you have an eating disorder

* what are you eating for lunch x3 (via text when I'm at work)

* why aren't you eating (while he doesn't want to eat)


**Let's make a bingo board!**

[Show me what you got](http://i.imgur.com/vSuDOw9.png)

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[Discussion] Cream / oils / techniques for loose skin???
/u/bed_warrior [5'10" | 265.8 | 37.08 | -67.2lbs | F 27]
Created: Sat Jun 10 06:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gf0vh/cream_oils_techniques_for_loose_skin/
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Hey everyone. I was just wondering if anyone could recommend any products to help with loose skin / stretch marks?

I'm over 50 lbs into a loss and I'm so terrified of loose skin. I know it will happen no matter what because I was obese for so long, but I'm hoping there might be something to help lessen the appearance while I wait for it to tighten up / eventually get cosmetic surgery.

Thanks guys!

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 10 06:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gex95/stupid_questions_saturday_june_10_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 10, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 10 06:10:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gex4l/daily_food_diary_june_10_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling guilty
/u/moomaid_in_the_sea [5'5" | 124.6 | 21.0 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 05:40:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6getgn/feeling_guilty/
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(Old poster, new username)

I had 1100 calories yesterday when I planned on 200. It started with a company party where I had salad and pickles but then I had a couple of pieces of bread and I estimated them at 120 cal each. So that's like 350-400 ish, which isn't the worst.

But then I got home, and thought that maybe I needed a little energy because I gave a mud/obstacle 5k this morning and I don't want to be running on fumes and let my partner down. So I had my normal lunch salad (didn't have because of work thing), just without the dressing to save the 83 calories. Up to 700 calories.

Then I thought I might need some actual carbs instead of just vegetables so I had 200 g of pasta. Up to 900 cal.

At this point I'm scouring my cupboard for binge foods but I somehow have the self restraint to only eat the remainder of a jar of PB2 that I had.

1095 calories today, which as I said, isn't the worst. Still had a ~600 cal deficit for the day (I go off of what my running watch says).

My biggest motivations were to not feel like I had a brick in my stomach for the race, and also I want to go to the pool later and don't want to look like a fat piece of shit.

Hopefully back on the wagon. Pretty proud of myself though.

❤️

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[Goal] What BMI is thin enough?
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Sat Jun 10 05:15:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6geq92/what_bmi_is_thin_enough/
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[removed]

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I'm totally comfortable with my body
/u/Brodoyouevenbro890
Created: Sat Jun 10 04:09:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6geisu/im_totally_comfortable_with_my_body/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] What the fuck? Why? Just why? Fuck sorry I need to vent.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 10 02:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ge8yi/what_the_fuck_why_just_why_fuck_sorry_i_need_to/
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on mobile flair as a rant rave whatever

Prefacing this with I am drunk so sorry for the rambling I need to get this out.

So remember how I bitched about being awkward? Well I guess I'm less awkward than I think.

A girl from work and I stayed late to finish up things after a busy night then we got drinks. And talked for like two or three hours like what the fuck. I am getting mixed signals and really like my coworker now but know I'm a fat sac of shit and just I don't know.

I'm drunk and feel guilty about now crushing on a coworker and breaking my fast and just feel shitty I only had one tequila shot and a whiskey with rocks how many calories is that it seems like too much..

I hate myself. I broke my fast and I was doing so well. But now I am thinking about my coworker. We talked a lot and I feel like I talked or shared too much.

Willow.

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[Help] Specialty therapists? TW: talks of self harm and stuff?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 02:27:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ge8ex/specialty_therapists_tw_talks_of_self_harm_and/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Company
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 10 02:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ge77r/company/
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[deleted]

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I keep purging and getting bloody noses
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 00:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdvhy/i_keep_purging_and_getting_bloody_noses/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] A Whole Heckin Bottle!
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'3 | CW 166 | 29.41]
Created: Fri Jun 9 23:34:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdoy4/a_whole_heckin_bottle/
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[removed]

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[Help] Can we talk about cheese for a second?
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:119 | -13]
Created: Fri Jun 9 22:23:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdfey/can_we_talk_about_cheese_for_a_second/
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I have NEVER been the type to eliminate entire food groups EVER, I always just did CICO and I eat whatever I wanted. But now Im like so fucking concerned with possibility of cheese making me gain water weight which in turn would make tomorrow an extra shitty day after I weigh myself.

So my question:
Am I completely out of my mind?? does dairy really put on a ton of water weight? If so, how much water weight does it put on?

Im sorry if Im asking such a basic question, I tried google but I just don't really trust it because most normal people don't like....weigh themselves every day... :/

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[Rant/Rave] DAE wish their ED was different? Or, The Most Frustrated Bulimic
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 22:22:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdf84/dae_wish_their_ed_was_different_or_the_most/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Dreaming of a normal BM
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 22:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdemy/dreaming_of_a_normal_bm/
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Spent the last week restricting and barely ever pooping, binged probably 5k calories of pasta today and it's so much food my stomach isn't used to having that I'm basically shitting soft serve out my ass every 10 min and now can't go out with a few friends tonight because I can't leave the bathroom. I can't remember the last time I had a normal BM. Fuck this sickness.

On mobile can't flair

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[Discussion] DAE feel like their SO might leave them if you gain weight?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Jun 9 21:27:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gd6u7/dae_feel_like_their_so_might_leave_them_if_you/
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OK I love my bf and he's da best boyfriend and all that bleh but sometimes I fear he wouldn't like me as much if I gained weight. IM 25 AND IM STILL SELF CONSCIOUS FML

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[Rant/Rave] I can't stand myself [pathetic rant]
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/83.8lbs]
Created: Fri Jun 9 20:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gd2jn/i_cant_stand_myself_pathetic_rant/
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I'm sorry for the word vomit. I don't have any other non destructive outlet or anyone to just sit with and distract myself.

So I can't stand myself. I can't eat a single bite of food without throwing myself into ridiculous binges and careless purging. The binges are so bad now, I don't remember the last time I wasn't in physical pain. People normalize binge eating all the time, but I'm sure I'm on another level now. I can't even purge straight away because I'm afraid I'm going to break something inside me.

My mom sees me stress binging at night and reminds me that I'm going to end up "a fat loser like your dad". That I'm going to just drop out of university after first year and transfer to a shitty university, like he did. I fucking love my dad but the comparison is probably right. I'm going to a good school, and I checked out the undergrad facebook page where everyone is introducing themselves. I don't deserve to be there. I'm not good looking or smart or socially adept. I don't know what I'm fucking doing.

I just need to hold it together long enough to study for exams and graduate.

Hope everyone's month is going better than mine :'

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[Humor] How to reach your GW
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 20:18:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcw35/how_to_reach_your_gw/
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https://i.redd.it/0badbdpt9q2z.jpg

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[Thinspo] My ultimate arm and leg thinspo, PRISTIN's Nayoung!
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 130 lbs | -21 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.09 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 20:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcvjf/my_ultimate_arm_and_leg_thinspo_pristins_nayoung/
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http://imgur.com/a/dThyz

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[Other] work in progress // art
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Fri Jun 9 19:56:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcs8a/work_in_progress_art/
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http://imgur.com/a/kCBZl

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[Rant/Rave] I've been sooooooo bad.
/u/littlebirbb [5'7" | CW: ew | GW: 125 | -31]
Created: Fri Jun 9 19:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gckzw/ive_been_sooooooo_bad/
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(On mobile, can't flair my rant... will try later if I can get to the big computer.)

I missed a few days of my medication. The one that's been helping me quit the binge cycle. I was doing well with restricting for so long but this threw me for a freakin loop and I put four pounds back on :( I am sort of getting back to normal but I am so disappointed in myself right now. I am finally losing weight and not binging and I have a very important deadline but I keep fucking it up. I know I won't make my goal weight by then :(

I'm just hoping I can lose at least like 20 more pounds, look good in my dress, and say a big FUCK YOU to my binge brain for a while.

On a good note, even though I was supposed to be fasting for lunch, I couldn't because I was with my work kids and they're blabbermouths. So I grabbed a salad from the place we were at, forced myself to eat it before I looked at the calories, and then checked - and it was HALF what I thought it was. Like, maybe 350 instead of the 700 I was expecting.

Still not going to eat dinner, lol

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[Rant/Rave] People who are super skinny and "try to gain weight" = ?!?!
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gciwy/people_who_are_super_skinny_and_try_to_gain_weight/
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[removed]

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[Help] I don't know what to do anymore
/u/kaliolis
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcgcy/i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
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So a month ago I was a very active lurker/redditor in this sub. I was constantly on this ranting and raving about my eating problems and basically trying to gather support. I basically became inactive because I am too ashamed and disappointed in myself to bring myself back here.

It started back in November when I started researching a lot about dieting. I was already anxious about how my body looked as I was hospitalised for 2 months for being suicidal (I went from 59 kg to 67 kg and this was from January to March 2016, by November I was about 70 kg). I was starting college in November and decided that it was the perfect time to start over so I thought why not try dieting as well.

Long story short, I went from eating 1200 calories and exercising 3 days a week in November to only eating 300 calories, 3 days of walking 7 KM each and 3 fast days a week by the 27th of April. Funnily enough, I was already getting depressed because college was stopping soon and then right on the 27th of April, I got too depressed and couldn't distract myself away from food anymore. I was at my lowest weight by the time this happened as well (50 KG, 5'4)

During the past month and a few weeks, I have been miserable and very suicidal. I went on a binge/fast cycle for weeks and now I have just given up on everything. I went to see my psychologist yesterday and got diagnosed unsafe from myself as well as suffering from an eating disorder, more specifically anorexia. I also got weighed and I currently have a BMI of 22 and a weight of 59 KG. I wasn't shocked about this but I've never hated myself ever before than now.

I honestly do not know what to do. The thought of eating makes me feel sick but I can't stop. These thoughts added with my suicidal ideation isn't making my life any easier. I am so scared of what I'm going to do with myself.

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[Rant/Rave] Please don't let me throw all my hard work away...
/u/nightmaerceci
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:23:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcchk/please_dont_let_me_throw_all_my_hard_work_away/
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Not asking anyone to read all of this or even say anything below if you don't want to, this is just another vent post~

So I've lost about 25 pounds (157->132) since I began restricting 3 months ago. My confidence has been through the roof and I've been feeling much happier....
But *sigh* long story short, after having stayed up all night fantasizing about food, today at 5am I went out and got a pint of Ben & Jerry's, 2 donuts, a muffin, a turkey sandwich, a sausage egg and cheese, and ate them all in one sitting. God, after 3 months, I almost forgot how fucking GROSS it feels to binge. The high from all that sugary, greasy, disgusting food only lasts a few minutes. It's NEVER worth it.
Anyway I tried to calm down and told myself I wouldn't eat anything for the rest of the day and it'd be fine, but of course, here I am, 2 huge slices of carrot cake, another muffin, and another huge, mayo-drenched sandwich later, sitting on my couch, typing away on my laptop while trying to resist the urge to purge and cry.
I can feel myself falling back into my old habits and mindset. I'm so scared I'm going to find some way to justify binging again tomorrow and then before I know it I'll have gained everything I worked so hard to lose back. My face finally looks slimmer. I can see my abs. My legs aren't as thin as I'd like yet but god damn it I've come a long way and I never want to go back to my old weight. Please, if there's a God, give me the strength to not spiral back into being the gluttonous, depressed pig I used to be. Please.

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[Rant/Rave] God in awkward as fuck thanks to ED..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:21:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcc5p/god_in_awkward_as_fuck_thanks_to_ed/
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On mobile this is either humor or a rant/rave So please Flair as you see fit lovely mods.

So I'm fasting and as a result all I can think about is the food I want to eat. So naturally what do I talk about?

Food!

I was cooking with my manager who is pretty chill and we're talking about different vegan food stuffs or what we used to eat and I kept catching myself and thinking "why do you keep bringing up food?!?" Of course all internal dialogue. And I know it's hard enough making food and not being able to eat it but I can't function at work after eating.

Also I feel bloated as fuck from all the liquids I've had today. And I'm still sweating the fucking small stuff like coke zero I know it has calories so why do I drink it. Or the 20 calories that were in the sugar free energy drink I had before work.

Also I go upstairs on my break and two of my favorite adorable female coworkers as sitting down and so I pull up a seat and chat and just..well Crack a joke or two then just sit and I'm like "ha Yeah I can be funny sometimes" like I'm trying to be flirty but I feel so God damn insecure I can't even believe anyone could find me attractive. I make all sorts of comments or stuff but the fact is they probably think I'm gay because when I'm not quiet and brooding I'm funny, perky and sassy.

Just fuck. I'm bi. I like it all and it's been a while sense I felt any attraction so maybe I'm just physically lonely and I know it's fucked to hit on coworkers but I'm just fucking lonely and could go for the validation.

I don't want pity. I want someone to actually like me. Or think I'm attractive. That's all I want. Instead I'm awkward as fuck.

Fuck today. Fuck food and eating I just want to keep starving until I am some bodies type. Or until someone actually gives me the positive validation of crave...just fuck...

Willow.

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[Discussion] Anyone else have a tonsillectomy?
/u/approximatelygone
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gca2e/anyone_else_have_a_tonsillectomy/
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Anyone else have their tonsils removed?

Almost every time I purge now, my nose gets so full I can hardly even blow it out. I don't even know how to control it, but I'm so proud when it doesn't happen because I finally did something right and can actually breathe. It's just so frustrating to spend more time clearing my nose than dinner.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else find themselves looking over old pictures like this?
/u/ravenclaw93
Created: Fri Jun 9 17:48:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gc6ci/does_anyone_else_find_themselves_looking_over_old/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/a1X1U

I literally look at this picture, and I know at the time I thought I was huge and couldn't pull off that dress at all, and now I just look back like 'I wish I was that slim again!' I know factually I'm only a few kilos off, but like, I have no scale ATM, and while not having one helps in the sense I can't obsess over weight, it does mean I feel out of control.

I just want to be back to how I was last summer. I felt like shit psychologically but at least I had control of my body.

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[Rant/Rave] I know that I'm unhealthy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 17:33:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gc3ku/i_know_that_im_unhealthy/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Low cal ketchup
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri Jun 9 16:39:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbt21/low_cal_ketchup/
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Y'all idk if you know about this but I was attempting to harm-reduce a planned binge tonight and I found Heinz reduced sugar ketchup that's only 5 cals per tablespoon instead of 20. I'm freakin out a lil bit tbh I'm so happy

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[Other] A painful reminder about my descent into sickness.
/u/futuredust_ [5'8 | CW: 153 | HW: 220]
Created: Fri Jun 9 16:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbnol/a_painful_reminder_about_my_descent_into_sickness/
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A photo popped up on Facebook today that showed a memory from 4 years ago. It brought back a lot of horrible memories, and it made me feel the need to share my story where I might be understood.


I've struggled with an eating disorder for more than half of my life. When I was 16, my struggle with BED transformed into bulimia. I used trauma and severe poor self esteem to drive myself to purge every single thing I ate. I hardly remember anything from that first year except how chaotic my life became. I can look at old pictures of myself and remember how I spent the day purging in the bathroom.


Seeing the picture on Facebook motivated me to do a [before and after](https://imgur.com/a/tyPul). The picture on the left was taken in early June 2012 when I was ~220 lb. I rarely share this photo with anybody because I am so ashamed of how large I was. The picture on the right was taken a year later on June 9, 2013 when I was 135 lb. I lost ~85 lb nine months into my struggle with bulimia. The pain I felt on the inside finally showed on the outside. The praise I received for weight loss transitioned into extreme worry from my family and friends.


I'm 21 years old, and I am still sucked into this painful eating disorder. I study nutrition, and I feel like I have a clear understanding of how to have a healthy lifestyle. I just can't let myself have that healthy life. I don't know if this pain will ever go away.


Thank you for listening.


*Note - the before/after isn't meant as a progress picture.*

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[Rant/Rave] Why can't I not eat?
/u/fatpiggy4957
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbjut/why_cant_i_not_eat/
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My family just left from a two week visit with my husband and I. They're all obese and terrified of ed. My mother once tried to have me hospitalized for anorexia for skipping a single dinner. So despite crying almost every night over food I felt like I had to eat their portions or risk being cornered (again) about an ed.

I decided to fast for a week or two after they left to get me back on track but I made it 24 hours before getting drunk and eating a 500 cal veg burger at a festival???

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I make myself miserable for not meeting goals and then actively sabotage myself from meeting the very same goals? Sorry for the rant I just feel insane

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[Help] How to speed up metabolism?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:48:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbipe/how_to_speed_up_metabolism/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] In a weird, low place.
/u/litlelou [5'5" | CW:110 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:35:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbg1f/discussion_in_a_weird_low_place/
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Recently, I've begun to really really hate my body. I've always restricted, but I've always thought I looked pretty skinny, felt pretty okay about myself. But these last few weeks I've just been disgusted and displeased no matter what. So, obviously I took to looking for inspiration...I mean, what DO I want to look like, anyway? But I cannot, for the life of me, find any kind of inspiration that appeals to me. I've gotten to this point where bodies all just look weird and not quite right to me, no matter what, but especially my own body.

All that said, there was a point in time when I was more pleased with my body, where I appeared skinnier...at least to myself. So I was looking at my LoseIt logs and realizing I was working out less and eating more. I've slowly dwindled away at my calories and yet I feel like I'm honestly bigger now.

I think this is all sort of compounded by the fact that I have a new boyfriend, who I adore and who treats me so so well, but I now have this worry about how he might think about my body. As well, I've just moved back home for the summer, so there's all these new foods around, different lighting, my negative mom. AND, after two years of not having a period, I just had my period two months in a row...so....yeah, idk. Even though I feel miserable and like I'm restricting all the time, I guess not.

This is all over the place, but I honestly just don't know what to do but can't handle this awful hatred I feel toward myself and my body here lately. Any one else been in this kind of situation? Any tips or help? I'd honestly welcome literally anything.

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[Rant/Rave] Binged for the first time.
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F 🌼]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbf1y/binged_for_the_first_time/
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TW binging, purging.

Yeah.

I've never binged before - certainly not since my most recent relapse into AN behaviours. Whilst 'recovered' I'd absolutely eaten excessively on occasion - eaten takeaways, pizzas and kept up until stuffed. Never binged though.

Last night I just couldn't stop. It was crazy. I just kept stuffing food into myself. Yesterday I purged seven times - I've been purging everything that I eat and drink beyond a few sips of water and 3 very specific safe foods. Yesterday I was so stressed that I couldn't even keep coffee down. I couldn't workout. And I think my body went into full-blown panic-because-you're-starving-me mode.

And I binged.

And I *didn't* purge.

And today I've eaten two small meals. And I haven't purged.

I've eaten two small snacks. I've drank coffee and water and had a protein shake. I have worked out.

I feel good today. I feel proud. :)

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[Help] Will I gain weight from a binge if I don't eat the next day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:08:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbadu/will_i_gain_weight_from_a_binge_if_i_dont_eat_the/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling some feels
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:07:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gba29/feeling_some_feels/
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I haven't weighed myself in about a month because I got very frustrated with the combination of water weight/waste weight/muscle mass interfering with the scale number moving at all (I've complained about this a lot, so sorry for the rehash). I think not weighing has probably been good for me, although I feel like I've gotten huge from what I think my recent LW was (somewhere around 103 as of May 14). I'm trying to tell myself that there's no way I've gained more than five pounds in a month, especially since I've been staying around and below maintenance but... still scared. The reason I bring this up is because my boss recently told me that we have one of those super fancy scales that costs thousands of dollars and tells you your body fat percentage, water weight percentage, BMI, estimated BMR, and a bunch of other things. It's so tempting to go into full on restriction mode for the next few weeks and then use it. I'm trying to get myself out of that way of thinking but it's so hard, especially because I feel like such a whale lately.

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[Discussion] What are some things you're postponing until you hit your GW?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 14:30:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gb1pl/what_are_some_things_youre_postponing_until_you/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gb1pl/what_are_some_things_youre_postponing_until_you/

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[Rant/Rave] I'm failing at everything
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 14:18:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gaz63/im_failing_at_everything/
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Ugh.

My mood has been in the shitter, and I turned straight back to binging and purging once I couldn't just do my safe meals. I saw an email chain today that basically made it look like I'm dropping the ball on my responsibilities (which in this case I thought I had covered but apparently not). And to top it off, I met with my therapist today and I feel like my inability to manage everything right now is frustrating to my team. I know the thought process behind that is that they want better for me but my brain keeps twisting it into "you're a lost cause. Just put a happy fucking face on it and keep it moving."

I can't trust anyone right now as I'm worried that my emotional state is making it seem like I can't handle anything and I fucking hate that I've become that person. The only thing that's the bright side to this is my brain has clicked into, "you don't deserve food" mode and my appetite is GONE. I planned on going out tonight with friends and there's a part of me that wants to back out so badly, but I'm forcing myself to go anyway. I'm going to put all my energy into rebuilding that false image I had that made it look like I had it kind of together. I would have liked to really have it together but that doesn't seem possible. But I can fake it really well I just have to make that happen again. <3

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[Help] How to reach out for help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 13:13:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gakc7/how_to_reach_out_for_help/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] (Self) before and after bikini photos
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 13:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gaivv/self_before_and_after_bikini_photos/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I was two and a half weeks binge free
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 11:26:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9vgk/i_was_two_and_a_half_weeks_binge_free/
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And hello 3500 calorie binge you are an asshole and I hate you and please go away and never exist ): I have a date at macaroni grill that I was saving up for too, so my calories are screwed for this week. I'm trying to work on getting better and I'm seeing a therapist now and I'm not freaking out as bad as I usually do. All I can do is start fresh on Sunday. I promised my boyfriend I'd try to start eating more normally and going out more. Its a scary step. Lets hope I can start over Sunday and make it a month binge free this time!

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[Rant/Rave] Food pushing neighbors
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 11:08:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9r6g/food_pushing_neighbors/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] |Discussion| Weight loss rewards?
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |113.2 | -106.8 | GW: 110 | UGW:100 | 20A]
Created: Fri Jun 9 10:42:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9l48/discussion_weight_loss_rewards/
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If you follow the daily food diary you may have seen that I've posted a few times about finally losing 100 pounds. I'm sort of in disbelief still but I want to do something for myself that like...solidifies the progress in my mind, even though I'm still ten pounds away from my first GW. I never give myself credit for anything and rarely reward myself so I'm not really sure how to celebrate this without food....lol

Do you guys celebrate reaching goal weights or certain milestones or just let them pass and keep going?

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[Rant/Rave] "revenge weight loss" stories make me wanna stab something
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Fri Jun 9 10:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9h54/revenge_weight_loss_stories_make_me_wanna_stab/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT/HELP] Just need some moral support.
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 10:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9fbo/ranthelp_just_need_some_moral_support/
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Hit a new LW!

Now to go on vacation with and meet my boyfriend's entire family for the first time, who are all primarily obese, which isn't a cause for judgment, I'm just terrified of drawing attention to myself by eating too little or what I eat, and I don't know how I'm NOT going to gain and fuck.

It's just a couple days but I'd rather die.

Sorry for the shitpost idk.

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[Rant/Rave] It's time to peace out.
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 102lbs | recovery, for now | ✨]
Created: Fri Jun 9 09:46:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9850/its_time_to_peace_out/
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I relapsed after five years of recovery. Hard. Before I started posting here, I was averaging maaaaybe 300 calories a day. I lost almost 20lbs in an unseemly amount of time.

This time around, it wasn't about the body image. I liked how I looked. It was about control and coping. I needed to feel good and restricting gets me high in a way I don't feel with drugs.

But I realized after my freak out last night that I can't keep doing this. I don't want to scare my friends and family. I want to eat healthy food and not obsess about how many calories I'm consuming and constantly calculate my deficit.

There's a clinic in my city that deals with trauma based eating disorders that is essentially two months of IOP. I realized that if I kept up with the course I've been on, I'd be there in probably the next two weeks. I have been using this to escape the shit I am dealing with in my personal life and it served its purpose. I don't want to let this affect me for the rest of my life and I realized my goal weight would always continue to get lower, and nothing would change.

I have to stop. I'm not going to let him or the trauma break me. I'm stronger than that. For now, I'm choosing recovery again. As y'all know, that is tenuous and slippery, but for now, it's where I'm at. I also think my username is known by too many people to feel comfortable posting in here anymore, but I am promising myself I won't come back with a new name as well. If I relapse, I'll use this account too. Gotta own up to it.

Love to you all.

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[Rant/Rave] I am going to gain so much weight on this visit home [Rant]
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:122 | 18.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 08:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g8s8s/i_am_going_to_gain_so_much_weight_on_this_visit/
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Dear god.

I'm visiting my hometown for a week and it's driving me insane. Every time I visit home, even before I started actually losing weight, my mom asks if I've lost weight. It's because my sister had a pretty sever bout with anorexia once, and it ever since then my parents have been really wary of it and scared of it and really good at picking up on subtle signs.

So to keep them from saying anything, I'm having to really eat normally in front of everyone, and eat a lot. They're around all the time too since it's summer and my mom is a middle school teacher, so she has that time off.

Yesterday I had to eat a chocolate bar that they gave me, because they know it's my favorite, even though I didn't want it just because they'd get all bothered if I didn't have it.

It's so irritating and I have no idea how to balance between what I want to eat and what they expect me to eat.

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[Other] Shrooms and goodbye.
/u/jizzjazzspazz [🚽 5'5 | CW: 131.8lbs | SW: 160 | GW: 125 | UGW: 110 | Poo]
Created: Fri Jun 9 08:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g8mlt/shrooms_and_goodbye/
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I tripped on shrooms yesterday.

Does anyone else have any experience with this?

I did a fairly low dose as it was my first time.

And ya know what? It was great. I looked in the mirror and I realized I look pretty okay. And I'm not fat. I may be a little curvy and a pretty soft, but my bf loves me and I should love me. Because I deserve love.

And the sexual abuse happened and that sucked but idk, there are j mean people in the world. And I don't wanna be a mean person. And that includes being mean to myself. Bc hating myself gets in the way of loving other people and accepting their love.

So this is goodbye.

This doesn't mean all my probs are solved, I just have a new perspective of the battles I'm facing.

Thank you for all your support. If anyone ever needs an ear, I'm here for you.

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[Rant/Rave] What even IS normal?
/u/silkangels
Created: Fri Jun 9 07:14:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g8bq3/what_even_is_normal/
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So I have recently tried recovery (went to a therapist, gained 20 lbs, started working out more, etc.). And it kind of backfired and now I'm restricting even more than before because it made me really, really hate myself.

First of all, the therapists (mind you, I tried three) didn't really help ("just try to calm down and breathe whenever you get ED thoughts", "just push through it and you'll be fine", "try not to feel guilty"). Secondly, the whole recovery community on social media is a joke. I don't think you are 'recovered' if your meals consist of a pint of Ben & Jerry's and two huge bars of chocolate. In therapy I was advised to make an 'instagram recovery account' which I did - and it only led to me obsessing about food and routine and eventually binging. My binges were quite extreme - I would go to the shop several times every day and buy sweets and pastries, basically anything and everything. My skin got really bad, I was awfully bloated from all the carbs and after a few weeks I stopped going to school entirely because I couldn't handle being around people and couldn't focus because all I could think about was food. The response? "It will get better, just keep doing what you've been doing". Now - do I believe you need to eat at a surplus in recovery? Absolutely. But that surplus shouldn't be 4000 kcal in sugary foods with zero nutritional value.

I was also pressured into giving up veganism which fucked me up even more - I was (and AM) a vegan for the animals and environment, but apparently it was "too restrictive" and "normal people don't restrict themselves like that".

So, I've been thinking - isn't it better to maintain at a slightly underweight BMI rather than binge, feel like crap mentally and physically and call it recovery? I just feel like I'm at a much better place mentally when I'm 45 kg, eat healthy food and don't feel guilty about eating milk and animal products in general. Does anyone have a similar experience? Plz guys I feel like an alien (sorry for the rant heh)

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 9 06:13:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g80y9/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
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This is the weekly picture thread for June 09, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 9 06:13:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g80xd/daily_food_diary_june_09_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Thinspo] A thread has been made by the mod of /r/thinspo if you'd like to add your thoughts on the direction of the sub :)
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Fri Jun 9 03:49:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g7fng/a_thread_has_been_made_by_the_mod_of_rthinspo_if/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/thinspo/comments/6g05nb/thinspo/?st=j3po2oqe&sh=e9802b8e

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[Rant/Rave] Hookup panic
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 9 03:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g7fix/hookup_panic/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] RANT about weight gain
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 122 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 03:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g7aap/rant_about_weight_gain/
---
okay, so I started the week off at 52.9 on Monday. I've consistently burned between 1700 and 2200 calories at the gym every day between Monday and today (Friday), and on Monday + Tuesday I ate under 400 calories of seaweed, hot sauce and biltong. Wednesday my intake was higher - I'd estimate about 2000 max but I burned 2000 on top of my BMR of 1400. Thursday I ate under 1000 and burned 2200 at the gym. but this morning I weighed in at 54.2????

I've had my period since last Friday (it's ending today, I think), so I'm trying to convince myself that this is just bloat. I haven't had a period in a while (I usually skip them with the pill) so I don't know if my body bloats or not. And I thought the sodium from Monday and Tuesday might have affected me too, but it's Friday now, so how would that even work.

I'm so upset because I have been KILLING myself working out and restricting, and for what?

---

[Rant/Rave] So I bought a mens romper...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 9 01:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g70e0/so_i_bought_a_mens_romper/
---
In mobile so flair as rant/rave.

I discovered the Wish app a month or so again and spent 50 bucks on useless shit I definitely didn't need. A couple things came in recently and they have come to push me farther to recent my goals.

I bought some women's harem pants which were like 8 bucks and a mens romper which was 10 or so..I was kind of stoned when I bought this stuff. All that aside. The sizing bugs the shit out of me because it's all cheap shit from China ( no offense to any Chinese on this sub but China is not known for great manufacturing)

So I tried on the harem pants and they fit but not as baggy as I would have wanted them to be. They are comfy and androgynous though which is my goal aesthetic.

Next...

The romper. Yes I know.

There was some Kickstarter noise about v a romphim but he's the truth. I love the idea of jumpsuits and overalls as just singular garments one can throw on. Very underrated in men's fashion though down by some houses.

The romper fits surprisingly. This isn't enough though. I feel bloated right now and it shows even though it has flattering vertical pinstripes. It has a cinched tied waist I can barely tie and when I to it leaves little to the imagination.

I do have some goal jeans as well but these unique garments are giving me more of a push than I had before. I want to be able to wear them while the weather permits.

I live in the PNW. Seattle if anyone cares. We barely have a summer or a spring but things heat up a bit.

I really want to drop some weight and slim down more now so I can wear these out and in public and feel slightly more confident. Maybe wearing them around the house when no one is home will be motivation enough.

I don't measure myself though I own fabric tape because I sell clothes online and give measurements. I might start keeping track. I love data especially changes in data. I can track my weight, my measurements and whether these new clothes fit.

The romper fits a tad tight but my goal is to lose enough it before shapeless that I could potentially buy enough in a smaller size and still have it be looser.

I would love to be able to fit into small Asian sizes...and European sizes. I can fit mediums sometimes in American sizes but I still feel fat because America is the fattest or one of them. (Technically I think Mexico has a higher incidence of obesity)


I remember a site someone shared on a different sub where you could input your weight and it would say what country you were closest to the average of. Or something like that. I want to be the smallest percentile. I want to be thinner than a majority of people my height and age.

So here's to making this romper look damn sexy...or at least better over time as I lose weight.


Willow.

---

[Rant/Rave] A small collection of thoughts
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F 🌱]
Created: Fri Jun 9 00:58:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6tyq/a_small_collection_of_thoughts/
---
My goal for June was to reach the ~60kg mark and I just weighed in this afternoon at 60.6kg so my BMI is now underweight and I feel ????? weird but ???? like ????? not?? at the same time. I'm happy about it because this means I can try to actually enjoy my birthday next weekend with a few treats here n there, which was the point of my ~60kg June goal.

I'm not at my ultimate goal (whatever that is) but I truly can't stand how much people are commenting on my body (EVEN MY BOSS DID TODAY) and I kind of just want to Slow Down but I'm not sure how (???????) or if I actually want to. I'm not sure about anything.

Anyway ty for reading love u

---

[Rant/Rave] Work and my ED could be best friends
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 23:38:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6ilk/work_and_my_ed_could_be_best_friends/
---
On mobile flair as rant rave.

Two and a half days into a new fast cycle and I found out I work 7 days this week. Here's the thing I hate eating at work or on work days cause it makes me feel sluggish and bloated and just sick. This means I could be forced into a longer fast I guess.

What I thought was going to be 4 or 5 days may be pushed to 7 or 8. I usually feel hungry after work and it's tempting to binge but I just avoid the kitchen and go right to sleep. I also sleep late so I have no time to eat at work.

I really need the only after the last week of over spending. I spent 60 bucks on a bunch of binge food only to eat maybe a little bit of it. Still don't know what to do with the remainder or said binge food besides throwing it away.

I wish I could be like my coworkers and actually enjoy a shift me on my lunch break. Instead I sit out back in the parking low. Back to a wall on the concrete. Browsing this sub and others while I drink water and coffee hoping the cravings pass.


This week will push me close to my limits but a part of me like a challenge. My body has been shitty to me for a long time it's only fair I return the favor. I refuse to love my body until it caves to my will.

Work will keep me busy and occupied. I'll make money for my trip this next month and maybe if my tips are good I can treat myself to a little non food type of reward or just make theist of the two days off I get...

Does anyone else have trouble eating at work or on work days or just around people in general?

Willow

---

[Rant/Rave] Who the fuck invented communal dining?
/u/magfrack [5'5" | 122.4 | 20.61 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 23:21:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6g59/who_the_fuck_invented_communal_dining/
---
Every day at work, lunch with coworkers. Steakhouses, Korean barbecue, stick-to-your-throat risotto, sickly sweet cocktails, endless baskets of "oh, it's so warm!" bread. Why? Why can't I be left alone with my coffee and Ritalin and bleary eyes?

---

[Tip] WE HAVE GOT TO STOP BEATING OURSELVES UP. (easier said than done i know but hear me out)
/u/NotStephany [5'5| too fat | 34.68 | -90lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 22:55:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6c1w/we_have_got_to_stop_beating_ourselves_up_easier/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I will end my sister jesus christ
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 22:25:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g675n/i_will_end_my_sister_jesus_christ/
---
Backstory: I have been underweight pretty much since the age of 9, and recently tried to bring myself to a healthy weight and accept it, going from BMI 16.3 to 19.8. I'm a teen in high school by the way

I was standing in the bathroom with shorts on and my 23-year-old sister comes home and says "Your legs and stomach got so much fatter, it's funny how you look so different... mom says you weigh enough to go ziplining." (I had previously been too light for the minimum weight requirement)

She continued, "Is it caused by birth control? You should see your doctor. You gained, what, 20 pounds in 6 months? That's scary because you've been underweight your whole life." (so BMI 16.3 isn't scary enough to you huh?)

She said "You gained so much weight on your stomach, let me see your stomach?" Do you expect me to be happy when you say that? How the fuck do you have no tact?

I can't win. When I restrict, I can't concentrate in school. When I don't restrict, people make fucking comments like these that rub me entirely the wrong way.

Previously, I didn't think my weight gain was so bad, though I still struggled to accept it, but now I want to lose an enormous amount of weight out of sheer spite. Fuck em all. I tried so hard to pull myself out of this crap and got pushed right back down in return. I just want everyone to shut the fuck up about my weight gain. I also can't tell if I'm fat or not because some people say I'm fine, but some people (read: family) make it sound like I'm a fucking whale now.

I get so confused when I look in the mirror. I started crying and my sister heard me and went over to talk to me and backtracked, saying "I never said you were fat, I just said rapid weight gain is concerning," which is such a lie because she asked to see my belly fat.

When I cried, my mom said "Why do you care? Why are you crying about that? stupid" and started saying ridiculous shit to appease me, like "I like fat. I wish I could gain weight. You're skinny."

This is what I get for being a healthy weight, right? Why worry about a 20-pound weight gain to a healthy weight? Where were you when I was BMI 16.3?

I plan to lose the weight and end up at 90 lbs, this is too god damn much

---

[Help] Urgent help needed! What "safe foods" should I bring to my bulimic b/p friend?
/u/satanAMA [5'9 | too much | BMI 22 | 50lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 21:36:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5yxh/urgent_help_needed_what_safe_foods_should_i_bring/
---
I've asked her permission to bring over food and vitamins in a few hours, but I don't know what to bring and I don't want to pressure her into thinking about food. I want to bring her low calorie, easy foods to eat .. I restrict but I'm not her and I'm not bulimic so I thought I'd ask the lovely people of ProED!

Details: she's underweight, she's fasted for four days with only energy drinks, she's bulimic. I don't want to give out her secrets but this is anonymous and I need advice!

PS. On the off chance you read this, babes, I love you and I'll be over soon.

---

[Rant/Rave] Oh fuck. I'm fat. I'm medically fat.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW:103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:45:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5q1m/oh_fuck_im_fat_im_medically_fat/
---
[removed]

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[Help] (TMI) I poop too late in the day!
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 136| GW: Kate Middleton| F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:34:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5o45/tmi_i_poop_too_late_in_the_day/
---
So ideally I like to weigh myself before I've had anything to eat/drink each day and AFTER I've pooped. I used to have to go right when I got up but now it doesn't happen until like 11am, when I'm already at work and don't have a scale and hafta eat lunch etc. So I feel like I can't get an accurate reading and it's so frustrating. I don't wanna take laxatives, so does anyone have any non-lax tricks for getting your GI tract moving in the morning? I've heard drinking warm water helps?

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[Humor] Weed, the binge maker.
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:18:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5l7q/weed_the_binge_maker/
---
I just had a weed brownie (80cal) about a half hour ago...

I am now worried that I will get the munchies and eat the rest of.... the house

Edit: only had an apple and a few tiny spoon bites of ice cream! Woop!

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[Help] What are some must have ED products?
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:06:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5j1r/what_are_some_must_have_ed_products/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] can we talk about fitness?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 19:40:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5e7t/can_we_talk_about_fitness/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Dreams of the twisted
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 18:57:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g55yb/dreams_of_the_twisted/
---
On mobile so tag this as a rant/rave


I feel so weak so I wrote a narrative in my head to distract me from all the feelings I'm having now. In this narrative it is a person who I wish I was. How they act, behave and live and love. It short

They wake just after dawn and put a coffee pot on, going out for a smoke while the coffee heats up.

They pull on some pants that could mens or women's who's to say after last night.their face is gaunt. Their bones show through the pants as their are small yet somehow baggies on their lean frame. Then a shirt or blouse and a frumpy sweater that's a few sizes too big. pulling their hair back to a bun. Putting out their cigarette and lashing up the dog for a walk around the block a jacket is tossed over their sweater

They grab an apple from the bowl of fruit and slip it into their pocket.

Walking down the road they notice stairs and glares from strangers passing by but none the disturbance. They continue to walk. After returning home they let the dog in and walk down to the coffee shop. Taking two to three bite of the apple before chucking it into a nearby garbage can.

At the cafe they order black coffee, withdrawing a flash from their jacket pocket they pour some scotch in
Last night was wild. They order a solitary croissant and another coffee. More scotch. Withdrawing a journal they sketch for a good hour before seeing some friends walk back. They great them and decide on plans for that night


They go to work and have a couple meetings. Noticing attention from coworkers. Rumors whispered in ears. They aren't bothered by rumors. Let them talk. Finishing work and two bar to meet fiends they go to a show and end up at some loft party in the wrong side of town. They drink a little too much but seldom eat. Not much food at this gathering.

Escaping to the bathroom to recompose fixing their hair and shirt. A smile for the mirror and a wink then back to the party. Approach by strangers to confirm rumors they are the social magnet and still wander with people seeking them out.

They leave with a group to another party them one after that until it gets later. Retreating home with strangers in toe they drink some more and discuss politics, movies, art and fashion. Eventually everyone falls asleep

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. A life normal at least more normal than now.

---

[Rant/Rave] Office Beach Party...who even does that?!
/u/justonenon-blonde [5'3" | CW: 106 | GW:98 | 23F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 17:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4l4x/office_beach_partywho_even_does_that/
---
My boyfriend's office is having a beach party next week and my boyfriend invited me. I said yes without really thinking about it.

Then last night I literally sat up in bed in the middle of the night when I remembered he has a beautiful strawberry blonde coworker who is 5'6 and 98 pounds. I know this because he mentioned in passing how tiny she is. They were talking about how much protein you need by weight and she told him her weight...which he then told me. He meant it as "isn't that crazy how skinny she is?" way, But of course that's not how I took it.

I know she'll be absolutely beautiful in a swimsuit. Her collarbone and shoulders make me weak. And I have a weird complex about not being a tall, athletic blonde because I know that's my boyfriends type.

I don't want to wear a swimsuit, and I really don't want to wear one around someone so much prettier. UGH. Trying to use it as motivation but I'm starting to obsess.

---

[Rant/Rave] I wish I didn't connect my weight to my self worth
/u/pinkchillin
Created: Thu Jun 8 17:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4l0r/i_wish_i_didnt_connect_my_weight_to_my_self_worth/
---
I don't have that great of attributes physically. All I have control over is my size. I'm way too big for my liking. Bmi is 22.1 .
This would all be fine if I didn't overdo it like I overdo everything. Like eating. If I binge. Or feel like I didn't reach my caloric intake goal, I feel like I don't deserve to watch my favorite shows, do my favorite things, or even go outside. I'm embarrassed by my self.
A lot of times I feel, if my boobs weren't so saggy, if my face wasn't so chubby and asymmetrical , I wouldn't place so much self worth on my weight. I know I wouldn't. But life is not fair. Nope. Life is work for below average people like me.

---

[Rant/Rave] I love/hate and food/eating
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 16:46:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4gln/i_lovehate_and_foodeating/
---
In mobile flair as rant rave.

I cook for a living (if I can call it that) and it just kills me a little bit making delicious and pretty things but never feeling deserving of anything. I feel like I need to be in control all the time and if people see me eat it will appear as a weakness also I feel self concious and anxious when people see me eat especially since I work with a lot of attractive people. I know no one could ever find me attractive but I feel like being a 0 out of 10 is better than eating, getting fatter and putting myself in the negatives.

I'm randomly reminded of hunger games and the lavish parties katniss and peeta went to where people would eat and drink then have a drink or something that makes them throw up and then they would eat some more.

I fucking hate my life. I wish someone would find me pretty or attractive instead I just feel like an ogre..

---

[Humor] Create your own happiness.
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Thu Jun 8 16:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4em8/create_your_own_happiness/
---
https://i.redd.it/8mndm6pb1i2z.jpg

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[Humor] My horoscope today 🙃
/u/mace__face [5'6 | CW:112 | BMI:18.08 | GW:108 | F -16lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 16:02:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g47cz/my_horoscope_today/
---
http://astrostyle.com/daily-horoscopes/cancer-daily-horoscope/

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[Discussion] (Discussion) Darren Aronofsky
/u/missalligator [5'2" | 106.6lb | GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:31:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g40kj/discussion_darren_aronofsky/
---
I love binge watching movies by director and today I had a Darren Aronofsky day. After finishing Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan I noticed the common theme of EDs and how accurately he depicts them (as well as addiction, OCD, and dermatillomania). Its so on point to the thoughts and feelings that accompany EDs (plus the reactions from people close to the character) and the comorbid disorders that I wonder if he's known someone with an ED or suffered from one himself. Its kinds of things only encompassed by the directing style, not just in the writing, that just can't be understood from textbooks or hearing other testimonies and it doesn't have all the stereotypes that are often featured in other depictions. Thoughts?

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[Discussion] Who is your favourite thinspo?
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:30:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g40au/who_is_your_favourite_thinspo/
---
So, after looking at pictures of Jude Karda someone posted today I realised that thinspiration photos of a real person with a name and a life story motivate me much more than just some abstract pics of someone's ribcage.

Yes, my first reaction was some really intense jealousy but after I dealt with it I felt very inspired and determined. I mean, if there are real people who can look this amazingly perfect then nothing is impossible and I might as well achieve something myself.

Thus, the question. Do you have a favourite thinspo model or celebrity? Someone you admire or look up to? Or maybe even someone you hate or you're jealous of?

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Boyfriend ate my food I've been restricting for :(
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3xji/rant_boyfriend_ate_my_food_ive_been_restricting/
---
Occasional poster here also sorry if this is kinda scattered I'm just very upset.

~Rant~
So I've been restricting decently (not as well as I wish to) all week to be able to get the loaded fries from the local Arby's which is a great treat cause they are like 700 calories. My boyfriend wanted food too so I drove him, we got into an argument because I went to pick my purse up because he didn't want to hand it to me and accidentally knocked over a bag of food (his food he eats like a beast) and he got pissed at me which started an argument. Alright no big deal, I decided to cool down because I knew I wouldn't enjoy my food if I was angry. I calmed down, Boyfriend went to bed. I looked in my bag (had to get a meal to get the fries, cheaper) And my fries were missing. He ate all of them. Who does that? I got it how he liked it so I could share with him, but no. He apparently deserved the ONE MEAL I have been looking forward to all fucking week and now I can eat a stupid crispy chicken which is okay but not the 700 Goddamn calories I've been restricting for.


Like he didn't even save me one little fry. I'm just so pissed and upset that I want to eat everything because hey why not, restricting for one meal doesn't even matter because I won't be able to enjoy it anyways

~End Rant~

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[Rant/Rave] Too fat to date
/u/onlyroom_forthin [5'6.5 | CW:152.4| 23.9 | SW:170 | UGW:120 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3wpv/too_fat_to_date/
---
I'm on a trip to a magical foreign country right now, stuck with the same group of about 15 people for the foreseeable future. I have a huge huge crush on one of the guys who is super fit, runs every day, ect. I try to find opportunities to hang out without being stalkerish, which is hard because we all basically live together. Can't work out with him because I'd die of fatness like 2 miles in. But one of the other girls is perfect and thin and tan and hangs on him all the time. I'm just over here like nah I'll just drink myself silly and slowly reduce my portion sizes down to nothing. Ugh. I'm too fat to date and too fat to hook up with anyone. At least I think I'm losing weight here because the yoga pants I brought were too small and now are baggy in the ass. Or they just stretched out, whatever.

---

[Humor] I made this to distract myself from my full fridge...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3rf4/i_made_this_to_distract_myself_from_my_full_fridge/
---
https://imgur.com/a/T2YMR

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[Thinspo] caption + pic
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3ofi/caption_pic/
---
https://i.redd.it/x67ykq6agh2z.jpg

---

[Thinspo] Thinso-everything about this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:32:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3msl/thinsoeverything_about_this/
---
https://i.redd.it/dniz17z1fh2z.jpg

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[Other] I've been gone. Stove popped popcorn?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:31:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3mnb/ive_been_gone_stove_popped_popcorn/
---
I've been moving and shit and haven't really been around but I had a quick question.

Has anyone had luck with popping popcorn on the stove without oil? I don't want to burn my new apartment down or wreck my new pans

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[Help] Do you drink alcohol?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:22:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3keb/do_you_drink_alcohol/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] A bad thing and a good thing...
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 134.8| BMI: 22.70 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:01:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3fci/a_bad_thing_and_a_good_thing/
---
So bad thing.

I found out yesterday that apparently over half of the people i thought were my friends actually hate me and think im a stuck up bitch. And all my ED brain can think is that its because im nots pretty or thin or perfect enough for them.

Good thing.

My bfs best friend is visiting in town and i havent seen him in a few months.
He asked if ive lost weight :) so i guess it is starting to be noticeable.
I cant see it.
But at least one person does.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:42:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3b3q/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/52zrin2a6h2z.jpg

---

[Help] Anyone know if Pinterest secret board is really secret?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g37og/anyone_know_if_pinterest_secret_board_is_really/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave/Rant] Bloated Fuck
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:25:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3702/raverant_bloated_fuck/
---
So I am in Portugal at the moment and am kinda stuck with a bloated stomach and my upper food tube (as I call it) hurts. From the side I really look unhealthily bloated. Haven't ever seen something similar. It looks unreal.
I believe it's also because I had sex drunk. It was great until I felt that the shaking was becoming too intense and I had to pain(st!)fully vomit. Since then, I am a wandering bloat stone. The day after I had to tell the guy, that I had problems moving (still ate the food he cooked though.. ) He made me a tea and went to work early. Hahaha.

When I eat or drink it hurts. Sometimes I feel that I am actually bubbling. I don't manage to fast... not until in 3 days, when I will not be depending on the people I know here anymore and will have my own flat for the remaining days. I had to say no to this evening's planned dinner though and drinking session. I just can't. I think I will be torn to pieces, If I do eat something more. With a noise like a high pffffffrt and bam.

The food here is also fucking filling. Low cal hell :) You can see it also. The women here are fuller, but to be honest, they wear it well and proudly. I have seen other countries with bigger women, and unfortunately they tend to hide behind all those models (like in Milano) by just also sticking out through their bad taste. Here they seem to know what to wear to look feminine and beautiful. They seem to not care. And they smile. Maybe because the men here are quite nice to look at, too. I expected them a lot shorter, but no. Tall thin guys with golden green and blue eyes and dark hair who can cope with the fact that all the meat and egg yolks in their food makes their ladies soft (but not them... fuck you! average men's metabolism, fuck you!)

Anyways, can't get fat in Portugal though. All admiration for this beautiful body positivity, but: I will try to fast and tekkno it away these coming weekends. This sounds like fun.

---

[Rant/Rave] eating disorders are...
/u/starskyandspring [5'6 • cw: sad • -20ish • gw: 113 • 20F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g35ao/eating_disorders_are/
---
... being caught up in the most intense silence mental battle while driving over whether or not you deserve to eat a 190 cal protein bar despite having only eaten 330 something calories that day.

I catch myself in these moments every so often and just internally chuckle at myself and my ED brain. does anyone else ever catch themselves thinking things and just think "as yes there's my ED brain being a bully again"?

i don't know if ill eat the quest bar as i'm still in a lose-lose battle in my brain but thought i'd share anyway. hope everyone's friday jr is going well :)


(mobile flair as other if possible)

---

[Rant/Rave] "how come you won't tell us your feelings?"
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Thu Jun 8 12:40:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2w3o/how_come_you_wont_tell_us_your_feelings/
---
BECAUSE YOU BRUSH ME OFF EVERYTIME LIKE ITS NOT IMPRTANT THAN GET MAD I DONT WANT TO SHARE IN THE FIRST PLACE


called my mom last week pretty much hysterically crying stressed about whatever bs and she says she'll drive over to where i live take me for grocery shopping/bookstore/shopping whatever. so i call her today and ask, she doesn't feel like it right now. or later. maybe tomorrow. but definitely not right now. she wants to know when the last time i ate was tho

my friend literally said to me "we are best friends, i feel like we should be able to communicate honestly so tell me about your day i want to hear it" i then say well today was hard because o and he pretty much was like "oH tOdaY wAs HaRd For yOu?"

i guess this has nothing to do with eds so just tell me to delete it if it's irrelevant

i'm not doing that shit again

plz tag rant am simple mobile user

---

[Help] Can someone explain to me what is really happening as far as calories and absorption when you take laxatives or have diarrhea?
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4F |121.6lbs | 21.28| 4lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 12:15:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2pwy/can_someone_explain_to_me_what_is_really/
---
ED brain mode activated.


Edit: Even in the ED world, laxatives are frowned upon. Don't start!

---

[Rant/Rave] The best/worst thing about my neighborhood
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 12:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2nfy/the_bestworst_thing_about_my_neighborhood/
---
Is that I live directly behind a barbecue place. I spend all day laying out by the pool or on my patio, and get to smell delicious barbecue all day without actually seeing or eating any of it.

---

[Discussion] DEA feel like being tan makes them look tiny?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 11:11:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2apw/dea_feel_like_being_tan_makes_them_look_tiny/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Unknown Calories
/u/livingoncoffeee
Created: Thu Jun 8 11:01:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g28dp/unknown_calories/
---
I ate out with my aunt and uncle. Zero nutritional information. I ate half the fish and a quarter of the fries from a one piece fish and chips and I don't know how many calories that is and I am freaking out.

I feel like shit for eating and like shit for wasting food and it's all just uuuugh. Why can't places keep accurate records of nutritional information???

---

[Discussion] What's your style/how do you dress?
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 10:48:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g25d7/whats_your_stylehow_do_you_dress/
---
Curious to know what people on here dress like.

I personally have the whole "hippie" vibe going on - lots of long, drapey, and loose/oversized clothes (that hide how fat I am 😍) with colorful patterns.

What about you guys? :)

---

[Discussion] *trigger?* Do you freak out in public?
/u/Chromalust [6'1 | CW: 133lbs | GW: Less | mtF]
Created: Thu Jun 8 10:40:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g23jm/trigger_do_you_freak_out_in_public/
---
Was kinda wondering if anyone else was dealing with this.. Like, I try to keep my freaking out to myself in private, but sometimes the world surprises me with some unexpected thing or choice.. even if it kinda seems tiny later?

One thing is curling up on the floor in the basement of your parent's because you found out they only have the high % version of cooking cream available.But like, out in public, while ordering a plain coffee at a Coffeeshop and then getting told that the machine is broken but you can get one out of the "milk and coffee". I was even told it would still be plain, but I was freaking out inside and waiting waaay too long to answer while looking around anxiously..

Or a surprise cake day at work where EVERYONE else will participate and you're expected to, too. Social pressure. The works. Causing me to kinda hide in the bathroom without really saying anything..

None of these things would really have been the end of the world and one could just adjust accordingly later. But it's a surprise. It's unplanned. Unscheduled. How do you deal with it?

---

[Rant/Rave] You know what literally never works?
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Thu Jun 8 10:24:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1zst/you_know_what_literally_never_works/
---
Eating a ton of food in the morning as an attempt to not eat a ton of food at night.

Never works.

I am a gross garbage monster.

---

[Discussion] Has anyone else done this? Taking melatonin to go to bed earlier to avoid late night cravings...seems to work so far
/u/aripip4026
Created: Thu Jun 8 09:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1u47/has_anyone_else_done_this_taking_melatonin_to_go/
---
[removed]

---

[Goal] Back on track, big win!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4F |121.6lbs | 21.28| 4lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 09:20:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1ld7/back_on_track_big_win/
---
After a month and a half of putting anything I could get my hands on into my mouth, I've FINALLY managed to fast all day yesterday! This is all I needed to reset my appetite and apparently my life.


I've gotten really addicted to watching TV/Movies and I sat about 90% of my day if not more. I really missed reading, I would literally have my book that I was really enjoying sitting right next to me and would still opt for an enormous lunch/dinner while laying in bed watching the boob tube.


Yesterday, I got home from work and went outside and read for about an hour, then, I took my dog for an hour long walk around sun set! Who am I?! This is the person I've missed for a month and a half and could NOT do these simplest of tasks. Can you believe that all of this goodness came from NOT EATING?!


I'm serious guys, the domino effect of restricting leads me to make better choices. And if anyone found out my user name in real life, they would think I was a god damn psychopath.


Obligatory shout out to EC stacks, literally could not have done it without you.

---

[Discussion] Starting a new job today
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 08:57:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1gak/starting_a_new_job_today/
---
I'm excited for a few reasons for my new job, better pay, better hour, fewer in person interactions.

But I started my last job at 180lbs. That have seen me lose to 135 lbs. I'll be starting at 135 lbs, so if I lose to 115 they won't think anything of it. I won't get shit for sitting out lunch because they will never know any different. It's like a whole new start.

I'm not the used to be fat girl anymore.

Has anyone else changed their life in a major way like this, and how did it go?

---

So happy that you don't eat?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 07:53:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g12pv/so_happy_that_you_dont_eat/
---
[deleted]

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Used to binge eat out of poor self control.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0l5g/used_to_binge_eat_out_of_poor_self_control/
---
[removed]

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What are your favourite excuses for not eating with family/friends?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:17:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0l26/what_are_your_favourite_excuses_for_not_eating/
---
[removed]

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0jvl/weekly_emotional_support_june_08_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Help] I'm really stressed about my birthday
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:10:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0jqn/im_really_stressed_about_my_birthday/
---
[deleted]

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:10:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0joo/daily_food_diary_june_08_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Tip] Recipe for Homemade Cold Brew Coffee
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 05:39:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0ejf/recipe_for_homemade_cold_brew_coffee/
---
I know how much we all rely on coffee here. I've recently switched to store bought cold brew mixed with torani sugar free syrups (because I can't seem to trust anyone to make my coffee right). But buying cold brew is expensive. So here is a recipe to make it at home!

It is stupid simple and all you really need is a container and a seive/mesh strainer. I can't wait to try this!

http://www.jamieoliver.com/news-and-features/features/how-to-make-cold-brew-coffee/

---

[Other] Maybe this is goodbye?
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 04:01:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g00tb/maybe_this_is_goodbye/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave

Sorry I'm a fragile human being and take every thing seriously. If anyone has seen any of my post in the last week. I struggle a lot. I have some mental baggage and honestly no will to recover right now. I try harm reduction at the most and have been purged free for three weeks now. I don't fit the archetypal diagnosis of an eating disorder because I'm not underweight and I'm a male if anyone didn't know. I've been bulimic for 8 years, I restrict and starve myself and obsess over my weight and appearance. If I didn't have an ED then whatever I am struggling with sure does seem like it. Maybe I am too brooding or pessimistic or negative.

It's been noticeable how much my stuff get downvoted and I guess I am taking that harder and most personal than I should. I have really appreciated anyone who's read on commented on my posts or comments but maybe I don't belong here. I don't know where else to go. I have no friends. I have no real life anymore. Every day I wake up feeling like I wished of all the days I wouldn't. I'm pretty apathetic to living at this point and been on the edge of going back to self harm. Not that it will matter much. Maybe I will lurk but posting has apparently been the wrong choice.

Whoever you are, I am sorry my existence and wanting to fit in diluted your community. I'll go back to loathing alone and in silence. Maybe I can come back and post more when I'm skinny....or maybe I'll just die.

Champagne for the good ones, real pain for the others,

C'est peut-être la fin de mes amis

Willow

---

[Other] Another doodle
/u/psydorable
Created: Thu Jun 8 03:05:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fztjr/another_doodle/
---
https://i.redd.it/40khhwwk0e2z.jpg

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[Discussion] A new cycle a new opportunity. If anyone else cares
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 01:53:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzkip/a_new_cycle_a_new_opportunity_if_anyone_else_cares/
---
On mobile so please Flair as rant/rave

I guess I have been posting a lot because it helps to get my thoughts out but I also feel like no one really cares. Thanks to anyone who does bother reading this mess of word vomit. You are lovely.

I am nearly 36 hours into a new fast after breaking the last one with a binge. The scale reads a slightly higher number as to be expected but it could still be food or water weight. I am hoping that I can get back on track and cut my losses and learn from my mistakes.

Not sure if anyone read my other post but I have it in me that if I fast, one I will keep getting better at it and my body will get used to it, and two it will help me reach my goal faster by the end of the year or by fall with a few weeks to try maintenance or restricting higher.

I still have a long way to go and am trying to set smaller goals along the way. I want to lose 8 to 10 pounds every two weeks, get 10k to 15k steps in even on my days off. I wish I had an accurate way to track how many calories I burn from walk or exercise.

If anyone else works in a restaurant and can give me a rough estimate of what they think burn in a shift that would give me a better idea. I cook at a restaurant 5 days a week, 8 hours on my feet, walking around and using my hands. I don't know how active my job it. I always feel tired cause 8 hours is quite a bit of time.

I have lots of conflicting feelings. I want to be ok with my weight but I also want to just lose a ton and then have people freak out. I am never going to residential or inpatient treatment again after previous experiences. I would like to get significantly underweight so I know I would have a lower fat percentage. If anyone knows a thing or two about fashion I want to be as close to model-esque as I can.

Yves saint laurent/Heidi Slimane/ saint laurent Paris type model aesthetic. In fact young Yves is one of my biggest thinspirations he was so delicate looking. He also did tons of drugs...

I know that if I lose 20 pounds it's likely I'll weigh less than my younger brother. That is one goal. I guess I want to be the thinnest person in every room. I want to be androgynous and slimmer than the average girl. Kinda fucked I guess.

I feel like being skinny is all I can do right now I have nothing else going for me in my life. I kind of like my job at least cooking as much as it pains me and puts me in a panic. I don't feel attractive. My features are average at best. I don't feel sexy. No one ever flirts with me or hints at any attraction. I don't feel desired as a friend or a person. I feel unwanted and I feel like the only culprit is my stupid fucking fat. As long as I've been fat I have had trouble being social I don't want to be close to anyone physically or emotionally.

I'm still new at my work but no one invites me to stuff. I feel like I wore out my welcome early on. I went to a going away party and got two drunk and stoned and left with no notice cause I was paranoid about doing something stupid when I was drunk. I just feel like my coworkers don't like me and it makes me not like me either. I don't like being fat willow.

I came close to sabotaging myself tonight but alas I didn't. I still have some vegan friend binge food I can't bring myself to throw out yet so it lurks in the kitchen. Instead of binging I chugged a liter of water and took a much needed shower. Naturally the shower was preceeded by vigorous body checking. Every roll. Stretch mark, scar, scrape, burn, lump. I felt so disgusted. Goodbye appetite.

I came up with a brilliant idea for my next day off. I'm going to bus over to the east side, I live in the city and across the lake there is more isolated suburbs and some hiking trails. I will go strand myself and go for a hike. Maybe just enjoy nature. It sounds nice if weather permits.

So that is my rant so far. If anyone reads this. Thank you. If not that's fine too. I already feel insignificant so one other person ignoring me is no biggie,

Heavily yours,

Willow.

---

[Humor] When diet soda/coffee/green tea/caffeine are your meals, 3 am is the new midnight
/u/natcatsoup [anxiety | depression | vegetarian]
Created: Thu Jun 8 01:01:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzdiu/when_diet_sodacoffeegreen_teacaffeine_are_your/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzdiu/when_diet_sodacoffeegreen_teacaffeine_are_your/

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[Rant/Rave] I really don't know why I'm so upset by this
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Thu Jun 8 00:49:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzbw5/i_really_dont_know_why_im_so_upset_by_this/
---
So when I was a kid we had these neighbors and my family was friends with them. They had 2 daughters one a year or two younger than me the other two years older. I always wanted to be like them especially the younger one, they were both so petite and small with nice straight hair. Meanwhile I was a tall, wide, muscular child. She made me feel so big in comparison.

I just remembered her and stalked her on Facebook. She looks exactly the same tiny and pretty and everything I will never be. Seeing her just made me feel so much less about myself. And now I'm crying. I was really not expecting this.

---

[Other] Date Night
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 00:11:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fz6iu/date_night/
---
https://i.redd.it/zomej4md5d2z.jpg

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[Help] Does Kombucha make anyone else super bloated?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 21:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fyl42/does_kombucha_make_anyone_else_super_bloated/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] When you avoid meeting people until you're just a bit thinner and it backfires:))))
/u/whatami_22
Created: Wed Jun 7 21:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fyh1s/when_you_avoid_meeting_people_until_youre_just_a/
---
Months later, I've lost and am thinner than I've been in a while. I'm not overweight or anything but I still feel gross. "10 more lbs. That's it. Come on just restrict and work those 10 lbs off hurryhurryhurry you're so close to feeling ok. You don't have forever hurry the fuck up..."

Now he has a gf.

*sigh* Anyway, I'm going to go run or something. Even though I tend to feel bloated after jogging. What the fuck.

---

[Help] Extremely sore throat, normal?
/u/Butt__Munch69
Created: Wed Jun 7 20:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fy97k/extremely_sore_throat_normal/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Close to 48 hours into a fast and I weigh more than before starting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 19:17:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxt4a/close_to_48_hours_into_a_fast_and_i_weigh_more/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Does anyone surround themselves with inspo?
/u/waxycat1994
Created: Wed Jun 7 19:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxs0p/does_anyone_surround_themselves_with_inspo/
---
Pictures... Music... Gifs, Videos... Whatever. Do you have a way to make sure you consistently see that inspirational media? I've been feeling so down and off track the past few weeks and then somehow I found myself surrounded by pictures of thin, fit, happy women which really kicked my butt back in gear. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can see this stuff more often and surround my life in it without it being seen as obsessive? I just want to see a constant stream of what I'm capable of.

---

[Intro] intro/life update/welcome back?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 130lbs | 21.07 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 18:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxopj/introlife_updatewelcome_back/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Jude Karda (formerly Sarah Marie Karda)
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 17:40:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxajv/jude_karda_formerly_sarah_marie_karda/
---
https://i.redd.it/ybga432q7b2z.jpg

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[Help] I have to eat lunch with people every day at work. What can I eat to make it look like I'm eating more?
/u/lilialley
Created: Wed Jun 7 16:12:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwsgz/i_have_to_eat_lunch_with_people_every_day_at_work/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Second day of holiday and things looking up :)
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Wed Jun 7 15:57:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwpa1/second_day_of_holiday_and_things_looking_up/
---
Second day of holiday. 17k steps taken. I feel like I barely ate anything today - a beer, a yoghurt, a piece of bread, a third of a cake and half an instant pot of noodles. Put all the calories into MFP with a bit of error margin, and it's about double what I estimated, even on my pretty good-at-estimating mind. Sooooo glad now that I logged it all! My (probably unrealistic plan) is to drop 4 pounds this holiday which would make me so much closer to my goal, and put me on the home run, but this was a great day towards achieving that.

And omg that feeling of emptiness. Nothing beats it. Also my body dysmorphia was under control today. No sudden freak outs in the mirror.

What are your small victories for today, weight loss or otherwise? <3

---

[Discussion] what food is YOUR obsession?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 15:57:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwp8y/what_food_is_your_obsession/
---
I go through pickles like crazy, I'm obsessed. low calories and so good what about you?

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[Discussion] DAE get alcohol cravings they can't shake? Any tips?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 15:17:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwfx9/dae_get_alcohol_cravings_they_cant_shake_any_tips/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Follow my logic and tell me how crazy I must be.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:45:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw8mw/follow_my_logic_and_tell_me_how_crazy_i_must_be/
---
On mobile so flair as rant/rave

This last week I fasted for 5 whole days going by consecutive 24 hours from a determined start time.

I don't really know what my weight was at the start because I feel like it fluctuates so much with water and food.

I fasted five days then binged on probably 7000 calories total the next day. So ok add two pounds plus water and food weight.

According to some calculators my TDEE would be between 2200 and 2500 cause I have a sort of active job. So this week fucked me but I can still try to make the most of it. With how far I am behind my goals I need to lose 4 to 5 lbs a week which would be a weekly deficit of my 14000 and the 17500

So in order to manage this I feel like I can keep fasting and get more used to is. If I fast I am theoretically at a 2000 calories deficit for that day plus whatever other exercise outside of normal stuff.

I want to fast 5 to 6 days a week and then allow myself a day or two to eat either 1000 calories or try 500 to 750 each day for two days and then back to fasting.

All of this sounds like I'm biting off more than I can chew but I feel like this has to happen I need to get harder on myself because slow doesn't happen for me. I have to the end of the year to reach my goal and then my only options will be skipping meals and trying to eat matainence for my goal weight which will be hard. I'm hoping to go slightly below my goal so account for fluctuations.

With this all said I could reach close to 150 by July if I lose 20 pounds of so this month or 4 to 5 pounds a week. And puts me close to my goal weight before the holidays where I will need to practice restrict to get through things.

At the end of the year I'm picking up my life and moving to DC to live with my partner who I've known for 5 or 6 years now. They know about my struggles but support me. They will not let me skip meals or fast unless they aren't around.

That is why I feel extra pressure to do all of this now. Now or never. Once I reach my goal weight hopefully I can try eating maintenance or just below to maintain it and practice normal eating for when I do have to eat with people.

The next 3 to 5 months though will be torture though. Is it even possible to lose 4 pounds a week at the rate I am trying? I know in the past I lost a little over 60 in three months early in my disordered days going for from 230 to be 165 and eventually 130.

My ultimate goal is 110 to 115 and to stay between 110 and 120 within that range because it's undeniably underweight territory.

How fucked am I for trying to do all of this? I know I have some will power and do a lot for this disorder. I pretty much lost a lot of my life and passions I feel like once I hit that number maybe I can rebuild the life I always wanted as a skinny me.

Willow.

---

[Thinspo] black and white thinspo (some NSFW) enjoy!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:29:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw4z7/black_and_white_thinspo_some_nsfw_enjoy/
---
http://imgur.com/a/SaWAT

---

[Rant/Rave] The empty feeling is addicting.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:19:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw2v9/the_empty_feeling_is_addicting/
---
I'm back from visiting my parents, my roommates have moved out, and I will be here for a month before I move back into my parents.

The first day back I was able to restrict so easily without having to worry about others and damn did it feel good. Does anyone just love the feeling of being empty? Like even the hunger pains make me giddy. This is my first time being/living alone for longer than a couple days, and don't get me wrong I feel hella lonely, but man is it easy to restrict now and it's bringing me so much comfort.

Anyway, I missed this sub and all of you. I hope everyone is doing well.

---

[Rant/Rave] So...
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:18:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw2fo/so/
---
I told my dentist and dental hygienist about my bulimia and I feel this weird sense of relief

I adore my hygienist.

---

[Rant/Rave] Well, that's motivation. Odd, but hey...
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:08:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw01w/well_thats_motivation_odd_but_hey/
---
To be clear to start: the following events are probably more stressful on my friend than myself so I'm being a whiny little shit more than anything.

I've had fridge issues since shortly after moving into my current place. I thought it was over, but nope. I will be fridgeless again starting tonight through...? So the stress hit of not having one, maneuvering around another person's schedule, and the magical phrase: lack of control. First thought: well, guess it's fasting time!

I didn't want to go straight back to that so fast, as I'm worried about binging and purging, but honestly there's enough other crap going on that's stressing me out (money, car shit, failing terribly at all the shit I'm doing right now) that my appetite is shot to shit. The only reason I'm even doing dinner tonight is because there will be less to just throw out. I hate being a burden on anyone else and I don't want to have to barge in (I live in a garage apartment) on my friend to do basic stuff. I also feel like a huge dick for being frustrated with the situation because I know she's doing everything in her power to manage it and it's seriously been a clusterfuck. I feel bad she has to worry about it at all, that me being frustrated is just feels juvenile.

Ugh. Well if it's motivation to drop some more weight there's the bright side.

---

[Rant/Rave] EC stacks and the god awful smell?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~55.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:40:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvthj/ec_stacks_and_the_god_awful_smell/
---
Why do they smell so bad? Why do they make me smell so bad?

I gag when I smell them at this point. I can smell them on my breath and (tmi) in my pee.

WHY? :(

---

[Discussion] (tw?) DAE feel like if it weren’t for certain "problem areas," they wouldn’t have such disordered eating?
/u/dontthinkineedyou [🌱 5'4 | F | GW: 107 🌻]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:32:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvriw/tw_dae_feel_like_if_it_werent_for_certain_problem/
---
Hi everyone. Full disclosure, I don’t have an ED, but I do think I’ve developed some disordered eating habits and this seems like one of the few places on reddit I can discuss it.

I’m an obsessive, impatient perfectionist, and my newest fixation is getting rid of my fat stomach and thunder thighs. The problem is, weight loss is a bitch and the physics of it practically make it impossible for me to lose weight the “right” way. I can’t healthily lose more than like 1.5 pounds a week without eating less than 1200 calories, which I guess is a no-no.

The problem is, if I use a healthy deficit, I’ll make it to 120 pounds (which still isn’t good enough, I think I need to be <110) some time in the winter? I’m not waiting until fucking November????? That kind of slow progress triggers the hell out of my anxiety because weight can naturally fluctuate more than a pound in a DAY. Plus with plateaus and whatnot, how can I even be sure that I’m making any progress. And if I’m going to go through the trouble of no longer eating carefree, I want to see the results. I don’t feel like I have any choice but to heavily restrict. I need to see more concrete results.

I also feel like Eve, who ate the forbidden fruit (which probs wasn’t worth the calories). My whole understanding of nutrition has been expanded and now I can’t eat half the things I used to, and if I don’t have the nutritional information for something, I just won’t eat it anymore. I love my mom’s cooking but she’s so imprecise about what she puts in her food I just won’t eat anything that has too many ingredients in it because trying to calculate everything causes physical discomfort lol.

Recently, my mom and I were sitting in a doctor’s office and I told her I needed to save money so I could buy a digital food scale and a digital body weight scale instead of the analog ones I have. She was like, why does it need to be so exact, just estimate, and I swear, I almost snapped in the office lmao. There’s a difference between 139.9 and 140.1, and I NEED TO KNOW. Pffft.

It seems so silly because I’m pretty sure it’s only my stomach and thighs that trigger it. Would I like smaller arms? More prominent collar bones? Better calves? Sure. But I think I could have worked diligently toward those. My stomach and thighs though, they have made me crazy.

Again, I feel bad posting in here because I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I feel like I can’t talk about this openly anywhere else.

---

[Discussion] How long was your longest plateau?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F 🚬]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:17:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvo3k/how_long_was_your_longest_plateau/
---
Because holy hell. I've been fluctuating the same three pounds for over three weeks now and I've been eating *at least* five hundred calories under my TDEE every day for, well, a very long time. And that's my ceiling for the very most I'll eat and I rarely hit it and my weight just. isn't. changing.

It's legit driving me nuts.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't wanna b/p
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 143 | -22 | HW: 172 | GW: 125 | 20F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvmrs/i_dont_wanna_bp/
---
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me because nothing has even happened today. It's 3 pm and I just woke up an hour ago and I have that i-hate-everything-about-myself-why-am-i-even-here feeling in the pit of my stomach and all I want to do is order a pizza and eat the whole thing and throw it back up. I'm rationally aware that i'll probably just end up sobbing on the bathroom floor afterwards but I just... real life is too much. I don't even want to exist right now. And a teeny tiny part of me knows that if I b/p then at least I'll forget that I exist until I'm done, even if it'll be worse afterwards.

---

[Discussion] CeleXa (antidepressant) - what to expect?
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'2 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Wed Jun 7 12:41:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvfhv/celexa_antidepressant_what_to_expect/
---
Hey guys,

Just want to say I love you all so much. You're all my home away from home and I legitimately do look forward to coming to this sub to open myself up about my feelings. thoughts and deepest emotions.

Anyways, I had a doctors appointment yesterday. This doctor knows me (and my history) very well. In the last year or so, I have been suffering from extreme depression, which had led me to ask my doctor about antidepressants. She first mentioned that she would prescribe Prozac, which I said I was weary about given that my one friend tried it and balooned in weight. So, she started to say she would prescribe me Wellbutrin, but stopped in her tracks as she mentioned it would not be a good idea given my ED history.

(*sidenote*: my doctor said "I wouldn't prescribe this one to you given that you had an eating disorder.... I know you dont have one now") lol are you fucking kidding me? I suppose she assumed this because I am not looking like a skeleton anymore and am at a healthy weight but *holyfuckingshit*

Anyways, she prescribed me Celexa. I have been reading reviews and it seems like its a mixed pile of reviews on the side effects, but I can't deny that I am scared I will gain weight. UGH!!!
Today is day one and I am only starting with taking half a pill every day. She mentioned I may have either drowsiness or insomnia. So far I am just tired and nauseous.

Anyone else have any experience?

---

[Help] Bathing suit stress
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 11:13:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6futyt/bathing_suit_stress/
---
I just found out I have to be in a bathing suit TWICE in the next couple days..

Once for lifeguarding recertification. Another time for my boyfriend's birthday, we're going to the beach.

I did NOT have enough time to mentally (or physically) prepare for this. I feel like a blob in my bathing suit. I can't even look at myself. I'm so stressed and so bloated because I'm also on my period (is this a joke!?)..

Someone please just calm me down. Tell me I'm freaking out over nothing and that no one besides me cares what I look like in my stupid bathing suit.

---

[Rant/Rave] Got the stomach flu and gained 5 lbs
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Wed Jun 7 11:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fusvc/got_the_stomach_flu_and_gained_5_lbs/
---
I was 5 lbs away from my goal weight and I hadn't eaten at all that morning and then I felt nauseous and ran to throw up some diet soda. I felt so horribly sick. My fucked up voice in my head was like, "great! I can just stick to jello and soup and no one will notice, I better go weigh myself now to see what I'm at now." By the way I've havent been eating the past couple days I should've been 103 or 102 but the scale fucking said 105. I tried eating soup later and puked that.up because I could not keep it down because of my flu. Then the scale said 106. I have never felt like such a failure before in my life. What's even worse was my stomach was so.empty I actually wanted to be able to eat liquid foods. But I didn't want anymore water weight. Why is this happening? Don't people lose weight when they get the flu, not gain it? I worked days of starvation to get that far and now thats just gone down the toilet.

---

[Thinspo] K-Pop Thinspo: How teeny tiny Kim Chungha is next to her backup dancers (pretty video too!)
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 130 lbs | -21 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.09 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 10:58:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fuqi3/kpop_thinspo_how_teeny_tiny_kim_chungha_is_next/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTDUQUp3lDg

---

[Rant/Rave] Ashley Graham
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 09:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftzxz/ashley_graham/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Feeling ill at work the third day in a row. Distract me with something you're looking forward to!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 09:04:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftzjo/feeling_ill_at_work_the_third_day_in_a_row/
---
[deleted]

---

[Thinspo] This photo of Kyle Jenner sums up what I want to look like. Ugh
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:58:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fty1i/this_photo_of_kyle_jenner_sums_up_what_i_want_to/
---
https://i.redd.it/afq0b5bkm82z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Longterm plateau.
/u/tinywolfxo
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftxwd/longterm_plateau/
---
So I've lost 35 pounds since January. I try to have 800 calories every day, so either I eat only around 800 or I eat more and work out to make the deficit 800. I rarely eat over 1200 calories, even in days I work out a lot. I do have cheat days where I eat whatever because I can be strict only for so long, plus my boyfriend eats normal and I see pretty much every meal he eats and I get jealous of all the food. I'm also vegan and he's not, so I also get cravings for meat and cheese when he eats them, so I indulge in vegan substitutes from time to time. I used to only do cardio, but I've recently started doing pilates so I can actually have muscle to burn more calories. I haven't lost much weight in two months, maybe like 6 pounds, compared to what I used to lose, which was like 10 pounds a months. I'm eating less and exercising more, so I don't understand why I'm barely losing weight now. It can't be all muscle gain, can it? Also my hair is falling out now, so that's fun 😤 anyone have any insight or tips to get over my slump?
HW : 163 LW : 97 CW: 127 GW : 103

---

[Discussion] Physical evidence of bingeing (that isn't weight)
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:49:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftw9p/physical_evidence_of_bingeing_that_isnt_weight/
---
Just like restricting, fasting, and purging, bingeing leaves physical evidence that isn't all weight related. Here are some of mine. What are yours?

* having a sink full of dishes or a bunch of takeout trash and feeling too sick to clean it up
* greasy skin and breakouts from massive quantities of junk food
* dry skin and hair because why hydrate when you can shovel more food in your mouth
* general moodiness due to shame
* stomach problems flaring up because you ate something you were intolerant/allergic to
* stomach pain from all the "damage control"

On mobile, please flair as discussion.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Vent] I'm losing my hair. I bought a wig.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW:103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:25:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftqno/vent_im_losing_my_hair_i_bought_a_wig/
---
I've recently discovered that I am still losing my hair. I won't sugarcoat this: several hairbrush-fulls fall out every time I brush my hair. It comes out in strands when I wash it. Apparently every time I fast I lose more and it could take up to 6 months to even begin to grow back, according to some Internet sources. Even if I were to give it my all, just one day of fasting several months in could reset the clock. I'm probably going to go bald. So, I mean, you do what you can with what you have, so I've swallowed my pride and ordered a wig.

Fuck heart attacks; THIS is suffering. I'm not scared anymore about the fact that my chest is sore and what if it's my heart. I'm scared about my hair because priorities.

I'm not even underweight. How and why the godforsaken fuck is this happening to me???

---

[Discussion] Anyone else eat a lot of ice?
/u/littledutchbird
Created: Wed Jun 7 07:45:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fti51/anyone_else_eat_a_lot_of_ice/
---
I've always had a compulsion to eat ice. I've read that it's a symptom of being anemic, which I usually am, but I often eat a whole glass of it as a "snack." Sometimes multiple times a day, since I was a kid.

Am I just weird?

---

[Discussion] The wonderful feeling when...
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 07:01:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft9kv/the_wonderful_feeling_when/
---
the more people comment that you're getting too thin, the fatter you feel and the more food anxiety you battle everyday wondering if you underestimated your calories and start feeling bad when you're full even if it's from chugging water :/ Why can't people just keep their comments to themselves?!? (Said knowing full well they don't control me but maybe you guys get it)

---

[Humor] Let's just talk about jeans
/u/Skinnytw [5'6 | 109 | 17.57 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 06:16:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft1gu/lets_just_talk_about_jeans/
---
Puts on jeans: Whoa, these are really loose! Seems like I lost weight!

Washes jeans: Shit, I gained! These are tight as hell!

Wears jeans for a few days: Whoa, these are really loose! Seems like I lost weight again!

.... Repeat

This is messing with my head... Big time

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 7 06:11:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft0mh/daily_food_diary_june_07_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday June 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 7 06:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft0g6/way_to_go_wednesday_june_07_2017/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 07, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Rant/Rave] I am tired of hearing this naturally skinny girl brag about her size.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 03:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fsenz/i_am_tired_of_hearing_this_naturally_skinny_girl/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm tired of hearing this naturally skinny girl brag about her size.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Jun 7 03:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fse9c/rant_im_tired_of_hearing_this_naturally_skinny/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My mood now completely depends on the number I see on the scale in the morning, great
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Jun 7 01:58:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fs1ka/my_mood_now_completely_depends_on_the_number_i/
---
So I didn't lose any weight since yesterday despite restricting and now I'm legit miserable. Everything seems meaningless and I don't feel like doing anything at all. Like, to the point where I might as well just sit there and stare into space.

I guess my obsession with weight loss works as kind of a barrier between me and my depression. It gives me a false sense of accomplishment when in reality I still remain as unaccomplished as it gets. And when it doesn't work all of the shitty feelings come right back. Or I just feel numb again, like today.

I'm actually thinking of setting a time period when I won't weigh myself at all. Like, at least for a week at first. Has anybody here tried something like that? Did it help at all?

---

[Tip] Here's a ton of recipes all between 100 and 500 cals!
/u/fuckincaillou [5'6 | 130 | BMI: 21.89 | -20lb]
Created: Tue Jun 6 23:13:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6freqk/heres_a_ton_of_recipes_all_between_100_and_500/
---
http://www.myproana.com/index.php/topic/1264849-recipe-list-of-snacks-and-meals-with-pictures-included-all-between-100-and-500-cals/

---

[Help] Losing sensation in my hands sometimes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 23:08:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fre0z/losing_sensation_in_my_hands_sometimes/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] How do you guys stay hydrated?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Tue Jun 6 22:53:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6frbpk/how_do_you_guys_stay_hydrated/
---
I know I'm dehydrated as fuck.
A lot of times I forgot to drink. Days I do get enough water gives me incentive to purge because it's easier when I've been drinking water.

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel convinced that they're eating way more calories than they really are?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 22:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fra3y/dae_feel_convinced_that_theyre_eating_way_more/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Some people need to keep their mouths shut
/u/falafelwafflerofl
Created: Tue Jun 6 22:10:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fr4xg/some_people_need_to_keep_their_mouths_shut/
---
I was at work today just minding my own business and some guy had the nerve to call me thick. What the fuck makes someone think that that's an appropriate way to approach someone?!? I'm down to a size 6 and this fucker makes me question just how big I still am. Honestly, it's ruined my entire day and I ended up skipping lunch and dinner. I have, however, managed to cry into a pint of Halo Top. Seriously random guy, you're a fucking asshole.

---

[Other] Lose It just called me the hell out on my binge/restrict cycle
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 21:59:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fr2tz/lose_it_just_called_me_the_hell_out_on_my/
---
http://i.imgur.com/qVCzqrv.png

---

[Discussion] How much does your weight fluctuate?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 49.5kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 21:44:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fr0cq/how_much_does_your_weight_fluctuate/
---
For me, on average it's from 0.5 kg to 1.5 kg. Might go up to 3 (ugh I know) if I binge a shitton and drink too much water at the same time.

Otherwise if I'm eating at maintenance or just a little above 1000 calories, that's where I assume my weight will be.

---

[Help] is this urge to eat from restricting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 21:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqvbn/is_this_urge_to_eat_from_restricting/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] EDNOS Treatment
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 20:44:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqpcz/ednos_treatment/
---
Has anyone gone through EDNOS treatment with medications successfully? Hoping for a positive story here if anyone has one/knows if anyone, even any bloggers or something have one!

I have been on an SSRI with no behavioral changes for months and am beginning to feel hopeless that no treatment is going to work for me and I am going to be stuck with my weight bungying around 10-15 lbs and self hatred right there along with increasing food issues.

On mobile can't flair.

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[Other] I donated blood for the first time
/u/imnevergold [170 | CW 55 | GW 47 | F |]
Created: Tue Jun 6 20:33:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqn8z/i_donated_blood_for_the_first_time/
---
I donated blood for the first time four days ago. I didn't feel faint, I didn't feel dizzy, it was a really nice experience. Recently I downloaded the Red Cross app and found out I'm blood type O+. I'm glad that I'm a semi useful blood type, but also really sad that I'm not O-. The thing is that before this donation I really wanted to be 5'7 and 103 lbs because I have an Audrey Hepburn obsession. After donating blood I really want to stay above or at least close to 110lbs so I can continue to donate blood, even if I'm not as useful as I would like to be.

---

[Other] I ate at maintenance today
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Tue Jun 6 20:32:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqn2k/i_ate_at_maintenance_today/
---
I haven't felt this good in weeks!! I've been feeling so weak lately and I can barely walk or use the stairs without feeling like I'm gonna die. I've also had such a nasty attitude these days because of the restricting.

I know I'm going to regret it in a few minutes, as I always do, but I don't know any better. I feel like a child that I should take care of, one that doesn't know what's good for her and needs to be forced to do stuff or else she'll die. I don't care how bad I'll feel afterwards. I did a good thing today for my body without going too overboard, and I'm proud of myself.

Future me, if you're reading this and are feeling depressed about eating over 0 calories today, then too fucking bad.

---

[Rant/Rave] I should have weighed myself when I had the chance
/u/redzinnias
Created: Tue Jun 6 19:55:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqfq1/i_should_have_weighed_myself_when_i_had_the_chance/
---
I went to visit my family & friends back home & kind of expected a relapse when I returned to my apartment in my college town. I purposely did not weigh myself there so that I wouldn't make things worse for myself. I don't have a scale here in my apartment & now I'm going fucking crazy not knowing how much I weigh. The last time I stepped on a scale was in January & I could be anywhere within this 20 pound range. I've been pissed off all day. I feel like I'm insane

---

[Other] supposed to eat healthy foods for maintenance today...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 19:52:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqewg/supposed_to_eat_healthy_foods_for_maintenance/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Photo for family sends me into a panic of self loathing.
/u/Shawnanan
Created: Tue Jun 6 18:44:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fq1y6/photo_for_family_sends_me_into_a_panic_of_self/
---
Hi y'all! Long time lurker here. Finally getting the courage for my first post.
I guess I should preface by saying I've lost 62 pounds and what started with best of intentions has spiraled out of control and I could really use some support right now. (If anything isn't allowed mods please feel free to message me)

Anyway, my family is leaving for a trip up to see other family members and i unfortunately can't attend. But since I'm not going my mom begged me to let her take a photo of me to show the family. Of course I was hesitant because I hate having my body photographed. But alas I relent, and I let her take one picture.

She sends it to me via text message and my god I look just as awful as 62 pounds ago. It hurt me so bad. I feel horrible. I didn't tell her because she said I look really cute and she would be really upset if I asked her to delete it.

I hate how shit like this just wrecks my day. I feel like I've come so far and have nothing to show for it.

I'm sorry for being a big cry baby y'all. I just really needed to vent.

[the photo that really chaps my ass](https://imgur.com/a/2eVKd)

---

[Discussion] DAE gets upset when the food you planned to eat is not as good as it should've been
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 18:17:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpwzb/dae_gets_upset_when_the_food_you_planned_to_eat/
---
I planned my calories today just to eat a dish I was going to cook for dinner, but I'm an idiot and messed up the whole thing and the food I made was disgusting, I was tearing up as I was throwing it away lol

I'm just so upset about it, I want to go to get binge food, binge and cry some more 😢

---

[Discussion] Muscle atrophy or just weak from restricting?
/u/sincereenfuego
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpou4/muscle_atrophy_or_just_weak_from_restricting/
---
Just a week ago I hit a goal weight of 130 lbs and have sense set a new goal weight of 125 lbs. Since I hit the 130 mark though, I have been finding more and more physical labor at work and at home a lot harder. My muscles feel more sore for a longer period of time, and things like just going up stairs wind me. I have never felt so excitedly scared before. Happy I am hitting my goals, but scared of long term muscle damage. Besides going to a doctor for an opinion, are there any ways to figure out if it is just being tired from restriction or it is muscles deteriorating?

Sorry for no flair. Mobile.

---

[Rant/Rave] First day of holiday... mixed results
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:31:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpnqg/first_day_of_holiday_mixed_results/
---
Flair not working so please add rant rave

I put on a nice dress and felt pretty cute and imagined I did.
Then I caught sight of myself in a mirror in an elevator and actually gasped out loud. My dysmorphia is pretty bad at best of times, but I looked more than 3x the size I normally do. I felt like my entire vision of myself fell apart. Yet again.

A lot of people have been commenting to me lately how thin I'm getting. So today I caught sight of a model on an advert - in all honestly her body in the picture just felt like it was mocking the size I was. I could tell she was probably 16 or 17 bmi. As a test I pointed and said 'I'll lose weight when I get to that stage'. And to my surprise, everyone agreed that seemed sensible. Even though I could see how underweight she was, no one else could. And in fact agreed that would be a sensible weight to get to. I feel legitimised in an odd way? Maybe they're the ones with the disordered body images not me? Maybe people can't see how thin others are when they're on huge bill boards?

I feel so weird.

---

[Discussion] Tell me something good, something fucked, and something confusing as hell.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpnlt/tell_me_something_good_something_fucked_and/
---
It's 1:30am and I'm wound up. Instead of pacing the room, I've decided to try to see what others think about random things. Can be ED related or anything in life.

---

Just did my waist measurement and I want to die. Lmao.
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:07:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpir0/just_did_my_waist_measurement_and_i_want_to_die/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] What are your monthly goals?
/u/NotStephany [5'5| too fat | 34.68 | -90lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:03:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fphvo/what_are_your_monthly_goals/
---
Id like to loose atleast another 10 pounds before the month is over. If i want to come even close to this achievement I'm going to have to really work hard.

What about you guys?

---

[Discussion] HAE ever been unable to sleep because they were obsessing too much about their weight
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Tue Jun 6 16:02:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fp4mj/hae_ever_been_unable_to_sleep_because_they_were/
---
and then when they finally did get some sleep they dreamed about people calling them fat?

asking for a friend

---

[Rant/Rave] High restriction works
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 15:29:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fox3c/high_restriction_works/
---
In order to stop binging and purging I'm on day 4 of keeping my calorie count ~1,400 max and exercising. Today all of my normal meals are incredibly filling and I really don't want to eat that much. I'll probably start cutting back tomorrow. I have had moments when I had urges to binge and purge out of boredom... but I've been able to avoid it. My entire being today is yelling to go back to restricting more, and I couldn't be happier.

Yea, 1,400 feels like an astronomical amount and part of me thinks that I've gained. I'm trying to remember that I was on a 1,900 calorie MINIMUM meal plan and maintained. So hopefully I can undo some of the damage I've done binging and purging for a week.

<3

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'll never been thin
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 15:27:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fowmi/i_feel_like_ill_never_been_thin/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] i just tried to take a selfie in a mirror and my camera broke it's a sign
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Tue Jun 6 14:07:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fodpp/i_just_tried_to_take_a_selfie_in_a_mirror_and_my/
---
that i should stop even trying 😆

i haven't even looked in a mirror for more than a glance in months and i don't...look good. like my hair is dull, my eyes look tired and i'm pale. like a shell of a human. i'd post a picture but they just showed up as all gray

this is why all the photos on my camera roll are memes

---

[Discussion] It's not that I hate food. I love food.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:31:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fo52b/its_not_that_i_hate_food_i_love_food/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ah, summer. The time when everything goes to shit
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:19:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fo277/ah_summer_the_time_when_everything_goes_to_shit/
---
My boarding home closes during the summer meaning I'll be with my grandma and sister for most of the time until it opens again.

My sister knows I have a history of eating issues. I know I have an eating disorder, I do everything a bulimic does. I just don't feel as if though I'm sick enough to call myself bulimic.

Anyway, my sister knows I have eating issues. When I'm around her, she's always supervising me and asking if I've eaten. And when we eat meals together (which is almost never because I avoid it at all costs) she watches me very closely.

This fucking sucks. But on the flip side of things, she'll be gone to Portugal for 2 weeks meaning it'll just be me and my grandma and she's oblivious to everything lol

---

[Discussion] i thought i was done with my eating problems
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:08:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnzh7/i_thought_i_was_done_with_my_eating_problems/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] like waiting for christmas morning, my thigh gap is ALMOST HERE
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:07:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnz86/like_waiting_for_christmas_morning_my_thigh_gap/
---
https://i.redd.it/1z6m1y98q22z.jpg

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[Discussion] counting calories when bored/using it as a way to reduce anxiety?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 12:56:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnwga/counting_calories_when_boredusing_it_as_a_way_to/
---
does anyone else count calories/plan potential low-calorie food combinations when bored/slightly anxious/just out of total habit? i've been focusing so much on not counting calories, and haven't for stuff like meals out (for the first time in a long time whoo!!), but when i'm bored or get anxious at night, i'll count/recount how much i've eaten (lately not much) or plan future meal combinations and count those calories. i feel like it's counterproductive to stopping calorie counting ahh does anyone else do this and not necessarily stress about it (the number of calories isn't really making me anxious) but just do it out of habit?

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[Help] I don't trust my scale. Anyone else have 2 or more and compare?
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9/18.5 | -59 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 12:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnu0p/i_dont_trust_my_scale_anyone_else_have_2_or_more/
---
Yeah I know it's fucked but it seems to jump wildly all over the place and it stresses me out so much. I feel thinner but when I step on the scale it reminds me that I'm not "thin" yet. I'm SO CLOSE to a thigh gap and I need to know where I'm at.

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[Rant/Rave] Should I do it or...?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 12:21:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnnys/should_i_do_it_or/
---
This is going to be a long one so I'm sorry in advance, but I wanted to talk a little bit about what's been on my mind lately, and you guys are the people that I trust will understand or at least be willing to listen.
If you're the sort of person who notices usernames when people post things (are some people like that? I never pay attention to that kind of thing), you might know that I've been considering two things as of late; recovery and cryolipolysis (Coolsculpt or whatever). I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of counting calories and checking my weight and denying myself food and feeling guilty about everything I eat, and I think I can let go of the more ED fixations I have ("I have to be 99 pounds because that's under 100 and everyone will think I'm so small and worry about me and ask how I eat so much and stay so thin"). Mostly I'm tired of trying and trying and trying and not seeing any progress on the scale, even when I'm eating nothing and exercising two hours a day, which has been a problem for me for months.
So that's all well and good- I've put away my scale and I'm focusing on letting myself eat maintenance amount of calories. I've even had two weeks recently where I didn't count, just let myself eat the way the rest of my family and friends were eating. I still sort of have the feeling I've gained and I'm afraid to check the scale, but I'm not going to do it because I'm trying to let go of the idea that the number matters.
The problem is this. I still hate my hips and thighs. I've hated them for over a decade, before I even started having disordered thoughts or trying to lose weight. And that makes me wonder which came first- if I was always going to have an ED or if those behaviors were my increasingly desperate way of trying to get rid of a part of me that feels "wrong". It's not even that my hips and thighs are fat, necessarily, just that they are so much bigger than the rest of my body. Even when I wear high heels, I feel much better because then things look "right" or in proportion the way I expect them to.
Because of that, I've been considering my options for making them look the way I want. I've finally gotten to the point where I could afford what I would want, but it's still expensive enough for me to hesitate. I worry that I'll have it done and that then my fixation will just change to a different part of my body, or that I'll think they still don't look "right", or that I'll find out that I actually do just want to be teeny-tiny and it didn't do anything, or that I'll do it and then wish I could have all my weight in my thighs again but it won't be reversible. And then I worry that I should be learning to *love myself* and all my *flaws* and be more *body positive*, and that my fixation on my legs looking the way I want them to is just a result of *media pressure* and *society* or whatever. I also feel like I wouldn't know how to talk to my friends and family about it, even though most of them have had some sort of procedure done that's at least partially for cosmetic reasons.
I guess I was hoping that someone would be able to help me figure out how to think this through, or what your opinions are on procedures/beauty standards/body positivity/etc.?
Sorry again for length! I guess I just needed to get all this off my chest.

---

[Discussion] DAE get suuuuper bitchy after long restriction?
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Tue Jun 6 11:15:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fn7qw/dae_get_suuuuper_bitchy_after_long_restriction/
---
On mobile, flair DAE/discussion

I'm finally figuring out WHY exactly ED has ruined my past relationships

It's LITERALLY ME

I become a fucking monster when I have been restricting for awhile

So this time, I'm gonna allow myself a smol break of intuitive eating. (Or maybe just try maintenance? LOL cuz that always works out so well for me /s)

I already got down to my first GW, I need to get my head right so I don't push this boy away

I'm posting here to keep myself accountable

---

[Rant/Rave] I am afraid of the dentist
/u/neverbeenabeauty
Created: Tue Jun 6 10:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fn2q3/i_am_afraid_of_the_dentist/
---
I only purge occasionally so its not like my teeth are super damaged, they are nice and straight and I have only gotten 2 cavities in my entire life. I don't have a reason to avoid the dentist, not really. I feel like she'll be able to tell I purge and not only tell my parents but also mock me because i'm overweight.

But I feel my teeth hurting and know its my wisdom teeth pushing and jerking around and I'm terrified. Its irrational but god I can't help it. Many of us would be excited because it means having them removed and not being able to eat because of the pain but I if anything I feel like my mom would be over me, making sure I actually ate something. Also I could deal with not having chipmunk cheeks when I celebrate my birthday on the weekend, but at least i may have an excuse not to eat then.

Rant over I feel so much better lmao, its nice being able to talk about this here because I can't really anywhere else.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just want to be small...
/u/littledutchbird
Created: Tue Jun 6 10:09:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmriq/i_just_want_to_be_small/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] best poop foods (TMI)
/u/foodfornot [5'3" | CW 122 | LW 111 | | HW 142 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 09:30:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmhx7/best_poop_foods_tmi/
---
When I do digest food, I weirdly track my BMs. I like to know when food comes out so I know I am empty. It's to the point where I don't like certain foods just bc of how they affect my business...




My favorites are: quinoa (TMI: you can see it), prunes (duh), anything an obvious color (carrots), and triscuits (6 are 120 cal).




The worst are: nuts (ouch!) and any kind of sugar free candy. I once "binged" (planned so not real but you know) on boxes of sugar free cookies, sugar free gummy bears, etc. and was up all night debating going to the hospital... it was a "gummy bear cleanse" for sure. So horrible.




Share your favorite foods and be gross with me ;P

---

[Help] Does anyone else get really bingey in the morning?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 09:17:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmezd/does_anyone_else_get_really_bingey_in_the_morning/
---
This is my biggest weakness. When I wake up hungry it's super common for me to eat 600+ calories. Eating all of my food in the morning makes the day really hard, and going to bed hungry is no fun.

How do you avoid this?

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally got a psychiatrist appointment
/u/squishysponges [18F|5'5"|GW 110]
Created: Tue Jun 6 09:07:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmcnq/finally_got_a_psychiatrist_appointment/
---
Hey lovelies! It's been a while since I posted but if you remember me you know I have a terrible binging and restricting problem. I finally found a psychiatrist to go to so maybe I can fix that binging part so I can restrict like I used to, along with my anxiety too. The appointment is next Monday. Wish me luck!!! ❤ (edit: mods please flair as rant/rave! On mobile, sorry!!!)

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[Discussion] I want people to ask me if I'm okay.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 08:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fm45u/i_want_people_to_ask_me_if_im_okay/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave/Rant] Today I binged 😍
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 08:19:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fm1sn/raverant_today_i_binged/
---
Today I binged... and it's ok.


Haha. Yes. I said I would not. I said I would fast today. Well. I didn't. Because ffs. I haven't been in a city for 3 months.

I ate a kilo of empanada with seafood. 6 long pralines. One creme filled chocolate covered pastry. A real croissant. I had a half a liter of horchata. A whipped cream profiterole.

Then I felt like falafel and chicken. I went for it. I got a little sick after that honestly. So I sat down at a bar and ordered a beer. The girl knew I was hungry for more and made me some cheese filled fried dough and some anchovy pastry. Thanks. That's just what I needed.

I also said I would eat for four days. I didn't. I ate two. The other two I fasted. So that might be a good rule. Two on. Two off. I believe, that walking around with a 15kg+ backpack probably makes me burn more, right?

Today the binge felt good. I was sitting on that bench in the middle of the city, eating this profiterole, licking my fingers like the dirty little cunt that I am.... and I really was having a foodgasm.

So is this intuitive eating? No. Do I regret? Well... I counted the calories, so yes, there are non left for the week. But it felt so good. So: no. What will I do tomorrow? Probably fast.

---

[Discussion] Y'all ever experience any triggering TV shows?
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | CW: 121.0 | GW: 115]
Created: Tue Jun 6 07:09:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flnl9/yall_ever_experience_any_triggering_tv_shows/
---
I guess this is a "good" problem to have, 'cause I don't think I've actually been so triggered by a TV show before. Usually my own lack of self confidence and anxiety are triggering enough. :D

ANYway, I was having a really good week of restricting and my mom and I decided to order dinner, have some wine and watch Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23.

I can't put my finger on it, but I think it's a combination of how drop dead gorgeous all of the girls are, and how rail thin they are, and then they just casually joke about EDs? Like it's not a plot, they just sort of sprinkled it into the script in the first few episodes?

Whatever, I originally got a box of healthy-ish Mediterranean food and only planned to eat a little, but you know how it goes. I had to turn the show off after I finished the entire box and a ton of bread (which I usually flat out avoid as much as possible.) I felt like I was in a trance. I ended up b/p-ing 3-4 times that night.

I know yesterday someone mentioned Bob's Burgers kinda triggered them. Do you guys have any shows that rub you the wrong way?

---

[Goal] I need help reaching my goal! Visual motivation, accountability buddies, anything.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:46:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flj87/i_need_help_reaching_my_goal_visual_motivation/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I have to confess something terrible
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:41:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flidb/i_have_to_confess_something_terrible/
---
Last time I was at the doctor like 6 months ago I had lost a bunch of weight since the doctor before. We had a little family diabetes talk. I jokingly said what about the good kind where you eat all day and get thin?

It's insensitive

My best friend and sort of exgf before I moved had type I. Insulin pump the works. She loses weight every day. I KNOW she's not healthy. I see pictures of her now vs when I was with her 3 years ago and if I didn't know her I'd think she had an eating disorder. Instead I know she's slamming ice cream ho hos and alcohol

And I'm fucking
Jealous


I'm glad I got that off my chest and I'm sorry

EDIT
EDIT
I get the need to vent about your story info stuff it goes on. I swear I understand and a lot of it is helpful to learn.. (all of you) BUT I am no doctor!

and I totally get it.

It's not why I posted and now and I KNOWWW stuff gets derailed its totally fine!! 1k ppl have viewed this.

.. j just feel bad.. like. why am I such a shitty friend, this is bad.. I do know these things.

I now just feel like a motherfucker

but get it out I'm not saying not to stifle yourself.

I'm just saying her loss has me jealous. Seeing her although it hurts my heart makes me want her body. Idk. I feel like shit now.

Idk the words to say here

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A June 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:10:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flctn/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_june_06_2017/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flct4/daily_food_diary_june_06_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] Good morning, lovelies
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 05:24:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fl5bb/good_morning_lovelies/
---
I was browsing NoSleep just now and it kinda hit me that I'm afraid to post on other subreddits. I used to post on fatlogic all the time, even post short stories I wrote. Now I rarely leave here. I'm just anxious about someone creeping on my post history and downvoting everything, or coming on here to bug us. Or rejecting everything I say because I'm subscribed here. Does anyone else feel this way?

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[Other] I over ate this morning but instead of beating myself up about it I focused on the positive and I feel SO much better for it!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 04:35:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fky8j/i_over_ate_this_morning_but_instead_of_beating/
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https://i.redd.it/3euocxiv602z.jpg

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[Discussion] Regarding CICO - better to restrict lower, or eat more and exercise more?
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | BMI 20.7 | GW<115lbs | -73lbs | F 24]
Created: Tue Jun 6 04:15:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fkveg/regarding_cico_better_to_restrict_lower_or_eat/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE lose self-control around friends?
/u/TheMostExoticFlower [5'4 | -55lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 03:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fkq0u/dae_lose_selfcontrol_around_friends/
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It's so much easier for me to eat around my friends, something about social situations and food going hand in hand I guess? Maybe I'm just really hungry and my brain thinks "eat while you can"? I don't know why but I find it very difficult to restrict in social situations and I eat more than my friend who is goals, which is embarrassing... I've even told my best friends about my ED and they must think I'm full of shit. Oh well!

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[Rant/Rave] Getting a new scale! I'm scared
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Jun 6 02:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fken2/getting_a_new_scale_im_scared/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE feel like restricting is impossible for them?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Tue Jun 6 00:40:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fk48f/dae_feel_like_restricting_is_impossible_for_them/
---
I've tried restriction before, again and again. Eating only at a set window of time, Gruesome working off the calories, dumb fad diets (lol cabbage soup diet is shit), the day to day calorie tracking and the diet pills and shit.

Restriction is something I just can't fathom going back to or maintaining for me. It sounds bad but bulimia has opened doors for me where I can lose control and gain that control back again. Restriction gives me control but still keeps me under its control and I don't like it--it suffocating. Bulimia is gross and I'd wish it on NO ONE but it's given me an outlet that restriction couldn't.

Being bulimic, restriction feels impossible for me. Don't call me weak lol I know I'm weak.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel embarrassed about my ED and just fucked up
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Tue Jun 6 00:08:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjzsq/i_feel_embarrassed_about_my_ed_and_just_fucked_up/
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I was actually eating normally for a few weeks, thinking I was maintaining and I was kinda annoyed at how often I'd get bloated and constipated (IBS is super fun like that). I actually dropped ~5 pounds without even realizing it. I'm glad I did, it brings me closer to my goal.

I've been kinda sick lately because I get very feverish during the summertime because I don't go out so I've been eating, like, some yogurt every day but that's about it. I love restricting, but I'm trying to let myself not count calories. I tried to not weigh but fuck that, I need to know my weight.

The thing that's fucking getting to me is the realization that a lot of people find EDs unattractive and... well, we're not the easiest people to be in a relationship with. I tried ignoring my ED, but you know you're fucked when you suddenly start catching feelings for a guy friend and fucking calculate his BMI when you find out his height and weight (his BMI is fucking 18! he's 6'2 and I'm fucking swooning)

I'm so fucking embarrassed that I'm gonna have to tell him about it someday. I think he wants someone who at least has their head together. We both are really into each other and everything is going amazingly... except my lack of self worth. He just really doesn't know and he likes me so much, I don't want to bring him down into my problems.

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[Other] "I am a work in progress."
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Mon Jun 5 23:51:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjxc2/i_am_a_work_in_progress/
---
https://i.redd.it/powo86j1sy1z.jpg

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[Other] "I am a work in progress."
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 23:50:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjx6g/i_am_a_work_in_progress/
---
http://cathartsis.tumblr.com/post/161496407448/i-like-scorpions-and-i-like-bones-i-am-a-work

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[Rant/Rave] Food: fuel & poison
/u/taketaketakethrowa
Created: Mon Jun 5 23:16:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjs9z/food_fuel_poison/
---
I feel like shit

My body is sore from all the food

My belly hurts, my gut hurts

I'm a fucking idiot

Just wanted to shout to the world that I'm a piece of shit


Goddamnit

Who chooses food over everything else in their life? Why do I have to be such a fuck-up?

I can't relax when it comes to food, ever. It will always be dangerous. It's my drug. I need constant vigilance. Food is not my friend; it's fuel and poison.

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[Rant/Rave] Moments of clarity
/u/ruralfishingcat [5'5 | 122 | 20.5 | - 5 | 21 F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:57:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjp8u/moments_of_clarity/
---
Sometimes I get these moments of sinking realization of what I'm actually doing to myself. My stomach is growling and I've had probably ~800 calories today (1000+ is just *scary* now) and was thinking of grabbing something to tide me over.

I thought maybe some low fat cheese spread and a rice cake, but NOPE apparently that caused me to panic and think "I'm going to gain weight" because that extra 100 calories is going to do so much. Like. Fuck. I hate when I'm self aware of how increasingly inane my mind gets. Logically, I know the small snack won't hurt my weight loss. But my brain doesn't care and then I'm sitting here crying because I want to eat *so badly* and it's such a normal thing for humans to do but I just can't. It makes me feel like an invalid. Even toddlers can eat, and I'm here in my 20s having a breakdown over goddamn rice cakes.

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[Discussion] Boobs and BMI
/u/coldfinch
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:47:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjnp9/boobs_and_bmi/
---
I think I may be in the minority here because I don't hate my giant boobs (34FF), have sort of come to terms with the inevitable stretch markiness of being a human woman, and am finally comfortable being topless in front of my gentleman caller.

The part that drives me nuts is that I have learned (don't worry about the logistics of how but can confirm that large metal scales are quite cold) they are cumulatively nearly 9 pounds. That seems like enough to considerably affect my BMI relative to other women my same height who don't have comedy knockers drawn by a 14 year old boy, and I can't help but want to subtract tit-weight to generate a false and more favorable number.

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[Rant/Rave] I think I just lost my best friend
/u/headroom3 [pos]
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjjao/i_think_i_just_lost_my_best_friend/
---
Pretty much every night for the past couple months I've had a breakdown and texted my best friend, every Damn night. I'm trans, I cut a lot, and of course this fucking thing. My girlfriend texted me calling me a tranny and saying I'm a transtrender. So I called my best friend. She was and still is going through some hard shit but in my typical selfishness every night I called her, when I was drunk, when I tried to kill mtself, whenever I felt like shit etc.

I think I lost her for good. I spent 3 hours freaking out because my family was getting Subway. She convinced me to eat the whole thing, which sucked. I was about to binge since all my family seems to have is ice cream and fried chicken. We were out of celery and I started freaking out and crying so I called her, because I'm a shithead. Afterward, I realised she would be better off without me so I told her she was too good of a person to be friends with me (which is true) I used to talk to her all the time and now it's strange not saying a word. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense or the formatting is bad, I'm on mobile

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[Rant/Rave] Just wanted a chat!!!
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:19:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjjab/just_wanted_a_chat/
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Good news, I guess? I've lost 3kg over 3 weeks since I started restricting my diet properly. It feels so good? My calorie limit at the moment is 1500. I very rarely hit it. I'm usually lucky to make it to 1000 calories a day. I'd love to be able to fast? Unfortunately I can't stand that faint feeling you get when you don't eat enough.
But, I'm just so excited that I'm finally losing weight again. I wish it would go faster. Baby steps, I suppose!!!
I'm losing my stupid double chin and my face looks thinner. My arts are less wobbly and I can see my thighs toning up. It is a relief.
Shame depression stops me exercising properly ;;;;

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[Help] Talk me out of a binge.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 21:45:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjdi4/talk_me_out_of_a_binge/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave help.

I'm not trying to ask for advice or anything I just feel super weak right now. I want to walk to the store and buy some diet coke to tide me over but I'm craving so much right now. I guess I'll list them just to get them out. What do you do when you feel your control slipping I'm so bad at coming out of fasts but it's been five fucking days and mentally I just miss food.

I want vegan ice cream

Vegan pizza

Vegan Mac and cheese

Stuff from work because I work at a vegan cafe but they are closed now.

Chips

Pickles

Peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches

Grilled cheese on whole wheat with Daiya vegan cheese

Apples and peanutbutter

Oreos (which are vegan)

Pretty much all fucking junk food. I'm tempted to walk to the store and only bring my phone and like 5 dollars cash to buy only diet coke.

Fuck. How is everyone else's night going?

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[Rant/Rave] I just got publicly called out for having an eating disorder and absolutely reamed...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Mon Jun 5 21:05:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fj6gf/i_just_got_publicly_called_out_for_having_an/
---
A woman posted her diet plan to a Facebook group and asked if she was eating too much. Someone commented saying, "that can't possibly be even 700 calories, you need to eat way more!" I commented back that it came to more like 1200 calories, which, depending on her size, was perfectly healthy and recommended for weight loss. We had a bit of back and forth and then this woman fucking unleashed her fury on me.

"You must have a fucking eating disorder then. You're fucked in the head and need help. You're feeding into toxic diet culture bullshit"

I didn't say anything that gave away the fact that I *do* have an eating disorder, other than the fact that I'm intensely familiar with calorie amounts. I even said my diet is doctor approved (at least the diet my doctor thinks I eat is approved). But nope, I guess my doctor is an anorexia pusher too.

:/

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[Discussion] Workout disappointments
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Mon Jun 5 21:01:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fj5pb/workout_disappointments/
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Do y'all count calories while working out or just the amount of time you worked out?

I did 20 minutes of stairs which equates to 71 flights only to find out I burned about 180 cals. Wtf lol

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[Other] The constant struggle
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Mon Jun 5 20:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fiv1x/the_constant_struggle/
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Whether to leave my calories under 500 or eat my entire kitchen. Why is there is no middle ground?

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[Discussion] What was/is good about your day today?
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 20:04:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fiuxy/what_wasis_good_about_your_day_today/
---
I know I could use a little positivity right now, so I thought maybe everyone else could too. I'll start:

Everyone here was really lovely when I asked for help after a PTSD episode this morning, and I feel so much better tonight than I did then.

I ate three decent meals today (only 738 calories, but my recovery is happening by baby steps right now, so I'm okay with that).

My mom told me I was looking thin again, and it felt so good. She almost never notices or mentions it when I lose, so it must be a pretty visible difference for her to notice.

What about you all?

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[Rant/Rave] Nobody cares that I skip meals, and I love it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 19:53:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fisrq/nobody_cares_that_i_skip_meals_and_i_love_it/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Could bloating make me put on 6 lbs?
/u/advicewelcome2 [5"4 | CW 199.2 | LW 110 | HW 208 | GW 108 | 25 F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 19:49:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fis49/could_bloating_make_me_put_on_6_lbs/
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Hey y'all,

So the last two weekends have been really rough with friends visiting from out of town and the first weekend being; drink all the alcohol! and then all the hang over food!

Second weekend; oh, sure, let's just go to every freakin fast food joint in a 5 mile radius guys, totally up for that -_-

I weighed myself on monday after the first weekend (alcohol) and I had gone from 201.8 to 204.8. I tried not to freak out too much because I figured alcohol and junk food = bloating/dehydration.

Second weekend I ended up going to the doctor and as a usual part of the routine they weighed me (with clothes on) and I was 208.8 (WHERE I STARTED!) so I was like:... well, i'm a failure.

I also started my (sorry if TMI) period just the day after going to the doctor so I'm guessing it might have been bloating/food/etc.

Now, a week later I'm at 202.8 (according to my scales).

Is this possible? Like, I don't want to get excited just in case my scales at home are f*cked up and not working properly. They've been pretty accurate so far though so I don't know how to explain the loss outside of bloating.

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[Rant/Rave] Good news: my hot coworker called me skinny!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 19:26:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fint5/good_news_my_hot_coworker_called_me_skinny/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] why is weight a fucking thing, why can't all humans be bmi 18 and 5'8"
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:49:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6figg8/why_is_weight_a_fucking_thing_why_cant_all_humans/
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My dad was in a foreign country for a while and came back to visit me. I tried to recover and reach a healthier weight on my own and gained 20 lbs in the last 6 months, going from BMI 16.3 to BMI 19.7. He looked at me and said "You gained weight, you need to eat less"

Fuck that... he's BMI 25 and blames it on aging metabolism while drowning all his food in way too much oil. When I was BMI 16.3, he scoffed when I would eat a donut, even in moderation. He's been such a trigger for me to lose weight, but I binge anyway in the moment, god knows why, I hate myself and I hate the fact that weight is a thing, I failed a calculus quiz (36%, teacher asked what happened, I said I didn't know, I do fucking know) because I could barely concentrate while fasting a week ago...

in an ideal world, everyone would be BMI 18, regardless of what they ate. I hate that weight is a thing. Food gives life and short-term happiness, on some conditions: too little and you die, too much and you're a social stigma and are treated like fucking crap. I hate life and weight, I'm tempted to get to a really low BMI just to show that fucker, but he'll still frown if I eat a donut god fuck life

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[Rant/Rave] Just binged :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:48:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fig8r/just_binged/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Blegh I feel disgusting. Gained 7lbs in 4 days. Gotta love binge eating. [Rant/Rave]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:46:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fifv7/blegh_i_feel_disgusting_gained_7lbs_in_4_days/
---
Ive been binging for days now, I don't even know why I just have. Now that Im kind of back to restricting, I realize how huge I look. My stomach looks so bloated. I always sabotage myself when Im doing really well. I was only 4 pounds away from my lowest weight ever and of course I ruined it. Im trying to get back on track.

Anyone else?

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[Help] Bulimia chipmunk cheeks
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:40:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fielw/bulimia_chipmunk_cheeks/
---
Anyone have tips for reducing face puffiness? Unfortunately I have a naturally round face, but I'm convinced that 6+ years of b/p has made my cheeks much pudgier looking. No matter how much weight I lose, my face is disproportionately large :( any help is appreciated <3

(please tag if possible)

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[Help] EDNOS medicine
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:38:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fie62/ednos_medicine/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Lmao pro Ana is ridiculous
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fie2c/lmao_pro_ana_is_ridiculous/
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I just saw a post that was like "let me tell you that strawberries are only four calories each! You can binge on a whole box of them and still be under 100 calories! #anatips"

Sis... that's not binging. That's eating. You're just eating

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[Other] I joined the club!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:23:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fib92/i_joined_the_club/
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https://i.redd.it/4fqykzzj5x1z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I miss it so, so much
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:14:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi9am/i_miss_it_so_so_much/
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i just miss when my ed was at its worst, i miss it so bad. i am in a (sort of forced) recovery and it fucking sucks. everything felt in control when i was restricting. hell, i think people even liked me more then. now i'm a fat emotional mess and i can't do anything about it. i keep binge eating to console myself because i'm fucking stupid. i really needed to say that and here is one of the few places i trust, so thanks for listening to my messed up logic ): my life is spiraling out of my hands and i'm terrified. is my ed the glue that holds me together?

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[Rant/Rave] I hit the wall and things aren't as pretty.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi6jt/i_hit_the_wall_and_things_arent_as_pretty/
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On mobile flair as rant/rave.

Just hours from my fifth complete 24 hour fasting period and things are more challenging. I have a headache and feel mentally hungry. I'm vegan but I'm craving all the vegan junk food right now. Thankfully there is nothing at home.

So I have forced myself to stay out of the house and with this I find myself having other thoughts about my fellow human beings because fasting and starving turns people into an irritable and petty awful person and I project all my hatred on other people for existing.

Negative and mean thoughts include but are not limited to...

-why is everyone so fucking fat?

-if I was that fat I'd just kill myself

-I wonder what their family thinks

-when's the last time that fucked saw his dick or got laid?

-how does one get that big?

-the girl must not eat anything either

-did I get skinnier or did everyone suddenly just get fatter?

-I lost my appetite for the day

I hate myself...

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[Rant/Rave] I'm back, for good.
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 136 | SW: 180 | GW: 120 | -44 | 20F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 17:38:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi226/im_back_for_good/
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Hi everyone, I used to be active here last year, until I tried a low-key sort of recovery. I thought I could handle 'normal' eating (not restricting, not bingeing, etc.) but NOPE. The past few months have been a binge fest. I swear I've gained 10 pounds, but I've been too scared to actually weigh myself. My bingeing is only getting worse, and I feel like I'm right back where I started. I miss the support and structure I felt here, and I really need both of those things to get out of this binge pattern.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to say hello again!

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck me. I hate this. All this shit fuck it. (Aren't I just a ray of sunshine?)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 17:35:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi1et/fuck_me_i_hate_this_all_this_shit_fuck_it_arent_i/
---
In mobile please flair as rant/rave

It's my day off from work. I have three hours until I will have made it five whole days. I am stressing because I feel like once I get home I'm going to lose it but I three out all my trigger foods yesterday.

I frankly hate wasting food but it was a chance I wasn't going to take. If I leave binge food around it will be eaten. By me. The only thing I could potentially binge on is dry cereal or toast but I can't necessary toss all the cereal or bread out now can I? I feel this euphoria from fasting. I am passed the wall. Usually after day three my physical hunger disappears and it's all mental. I don't faint. I get foggy in the head when I over exert myself but that's about it. I've managed to stay out of the house all day. I went out and bought clothes and tried stuff on.

Really fucking pissed I'm a size 10 in women's and can barely fit a 32 in men's jeans I wish I could saw off the fat from my hips, ass and thighs.

Part of what keeps me going is just thinking about the people around me. I am surrounded by thinspo and reverse thinspo. Every fat person with a gut or a fupa makes me want to starve even more. Every thinner person fills me with envy. I long to feel my bones and to feel light for once. I don't want to break this streak even though my next work week will be more difficult if I make it through my weekend fasting.

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[Help] Folks who lift, I need advice! Please
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Mon Jun 5 17:29:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi07b/folks_who_lift_i_need_advice_please/
---
Can't flair on mobile

Okay, so I don't lift but I do aerial arts and have seen significant muscle development lately. I'm into it. I'm okay with being bigger if its muscle, but I'm TERRIFIED of accidentally gaining fat. I don't trust my eyes to help me know whether I'm gaining muscle mass or fat.

What do you guys eat for the purest lean muscle development? The internet says you have to eat more than your TDEE, but I don't know if I can do that totally. Also, most of the advice on weight lifting forums is for bulking and cutting, whereas I'm looking for "lean gains".

I can't eat red meat, lactose, or fish but I can eat poultry, eggs, and things like lactose free cottage cheese.
I'm trying to eat seeds and nuts but I'm intimidated by their high calorie content.

At the end of the day I know my fear of eating too much will limit my muscle growth capacity, but I'd like to contribute to it as much as possible within my personal range of acceptable calories (1200ish). It's really hard to figure out ways to be mostly plant based and still get over 60g protein in a day without a ton of calories

I eat: seeds, nuts, poultry, egg whites, cottage cheese, protein powder, fruit and veg, lentils, quinoa

I avoid: carbs, egg yolks, fatty foods (occasional avocado ok), sugar, lactose, and cruciferous veg (makes me too gassy)

I feel like maybe there's something out there that contains a lot of protein that I'm not thinking of...

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[Help] [Help] could any of you perchance help me ID this appetite suppressant?
/u/bashytr0n
Created: Mon Jun 5 16:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhmc9/help_could_any_of_you_perchance_help_me_id_this/
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https://imgur.com/wQOqYj1

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[Rant/Rave] Do you know how hard it is to spend $75 a week on shit I cant binge on?
/u/caffeinecunt [5'3|A literal fucking whale| F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 16:01:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhgxc/do_you_know_how_hard_it_is_to_spend_75_a_week_on/
---
Next to fucking impossible. But my work gives me $75 a week to spend as part of my room and board, and it's only good at places that the college owns The only places on my campus that are open are a subway and a Starbucks, and while I could probably spend $75 a week on cold brew, I'd rather not. So I have to trek every week to the convenience store thing on the main campus.

And most of the shit there is junk food. Like the entire place is basically the junk food section of Walmart. I've completely cleaned them out of most of the healthy stuff that they've got, and they haven't restocked it yet. Idk if they even will. But I still have to spend $75 every week or it just disappears and I feel super guilty (I would up losing out on like $50 during the semester). I've started buying partial things of meals or condiments or soap every week to try and get to $75.
Thankfully this week I got to go by myself, instead of with my fuckbuddy who usually goes with me, so I got to at least poke.around for 45 minutes in peace.

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[Discussion] What do you consider your problem areas?
/u/pinkchillin
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhe1t/what_do_you_consider_your_problem_areas/
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[removed]

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[Help] fucked up extremely, advice and positive thoughts welcome
/u/MariaCaterina [5'5" | GW: 111lbs | -20lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:43:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhcrc/fucked_up_extremely_advice_and_positive_thoughts/
---
Prepare yourself for some of the stupidest and pettiest shit you will see all week...

I can't even fucking believe myself. I'm such a freaking failure. I finally blew up, in a big way, at SP (my brother). I was pissed because he had finished the OJ and left the carton out on the counter. Little prick couldn't even be bothered to recycle it. (I KNOW that this was an objectively stupid thing to get pissy about, but our relationship has been EXTREMELY strained for WEEKS, and I am not thinking clearly atm, hence the extreme irritability).

I slammed a drawer while I was picking up his shit and he came in to sneer at me. I did not want to talk to him. I did not intend to talk to him.

I've been in a funk since Saturday night. I felt majorly hurt because I was planning to watch a movie with my mom, but SP came down and started cooking, making a can of tomato soup for himself which I had bought for the family. We started bickering. Have you ever been so mad/frustrated that you wanted to pull out your own hair? Well, I slapped myself several times in the face. Hard.

Nobody said anything. Nobody even noticed. I went upstairs, leaving Mom and SP to queue the movie, figuring she would call me down when he was gone and she got it working. Nope, they watched a different movie without me. Ow.

Reading this, I know how fucking pathetic I am. Blubbering like a sad whale and skulking while they were enjoying themselves. No wonder nobody wants you around, no wonder nobody cares, you fucking buzzkill.

I was so steamed that Sunday I didn't leave my room at all. I don't think mom even realized that I was upset about something. She probably just figured I was being a fucking overgrown teenager.

I binged and purged and cleaned all through the night and into the morning. Today, when I woke up around 3pm, was when Sean started picking a fight with me. He said, "No one wants you here, I don't want you here, C [my baby sister] doesn't want you here. Don't you have any friends to live with?"

Fuck you. He probably thinks it's abnormal because our older brother V has been renting an apt with his friends for the last two years--but when he had to take a break from school for a year, guess where he lived? Yeah, at home. It's not uncommon for students to live at their parents' houses through the summer. K, R, and L [my friends] are all doing the same thing. But I do feel like a failure. I feel like a waste. When I went to the ___ Library (where I worked all through HS) to get some books, [the children's librarian] actually said, "Oh, so you're not doing anything? Just working?"

Um.

It made me feel like trash, like everyone else has internships and career-training, and I'm just a slug. I KNOW THIS IS OBJECTIVELY NOT TRUE, I know MANY students who aren't doing anything besides working a minimum-wage position and saving. Why are we (or just me) made to feel like lazy, sleazy, bags of trash?

Anyway, I snapped. I haven't been on my Prozac in quite a while--I always forget how scary it is when you finally crash--and I seem to be increasingly emotionally fragile, irritable, and unstable. Frankly, I've been trying to conserve my suppy because I have no intentions of going back into treatment, in part because I'm an adult who's ashamed to still be dealing with this shit, and in part because I'm frightened of how the American health care system will be changing in the newt few months/years.

After he said that shit to me, I yelled, "What if I killed myself? What if I went upstairs and killed myself right now?"

He responded, "Do it," (!!) and then scolded, "You shouldn't joke about suicide, especially not in this family." Which, excuse me? What the actual FUCK? You really think you're more sensitive to the history of this family than I am? You really think you need to remind me? You really think I wouldn't say that if I wasn't being pushed past the edge of bearable?

I fucking turned around and left.

That cunt called our mom to tattle. I guess that was his due diligence: Hey, I told her nobody wanted her here, and she seemed distraught, but I'm telling you so I am absolved of responsibility if she actually does kill herself, right?

My mom called me and frostily informed me that if I went around "threatening to kill myself" she would have me committed.

I should clarify that I actually don't want to die, I was just:

(1) not thinking clearly because of chemical imbalances,
(2) sensitive to that particular line of attack, and
(3) stunned that he would say something so objectively evil. He's said shit along those lines before, but I've never been vulnerable to it before.

I hate myself so much for this. I don't WANT to have attention on my mental state, I don't WANT to cause stress for my mother. Hell, I don't want to be arguing with a sixteen year old kid. I am twenty years old, not twelve. I don't want him to have the power to wound me, either. I want to be calm, and steely, and above it. I wanted to be untouchable, and instead I feel like an exposed nerve: red and scraped raw, unstable, screaming.

This will have repercussions. My mom texted me, saying she wants me to go back to therapy. That is something I cannot agree to.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I literally do not have the words to express how disappointed and angry I am with myself. I'm supposed to be grown. My mom shouldn't have to worry about holding my shit together at this age. I shouldn't be making her. Why can I not just be self-sufficient? Why can I not control my emotions?

I told my mom about the Prozac. Hopefully I can convince her this was a result of withdrawal, or whatever the fuck you would call it. In addition to all the shit that I discussed above, I am really frustrated by my inability to hold it together because while I haven't been actively pursuing recovery for a couple of years now, this is the first time that I've been actively pursing my eating disorder "weight loss" SINCE entering residential treatment in 2011, and I just recently got back down to the all-time low I had before they sent me there. The fact that everything is slipping out of my control really reminds me of that time, and it;s starting to feel like I can only get to xxx lbs before I start losing my fucking mind.

I am determined not to let that be the case. I will be calm, I will be ambitious, and I WILL BE THINNER.

Only upside of this fucking disgrace was that C was out of the house and not around to hear the shit that came out of my mouth. As a kid, my parents, particularly my mom, were not the most stable of people, emotionally speaking (since divorcing my dad, she has improved by miles). I know first hand how destructive it is when the people who are supposed to be caring for you cannot care for themselves. Thank God she was not around to see me fuck up like that. I think I might actually rather be dead than feel like I caused her that distress.

I meant to be fasting as atonement for being so selfish last night with my binging and purging, but I can't right now. I sat down to journal and had: two pieces of toast, one with peanut butter, cinnamon, and salt for electrolytes, and one with raspberry preserves, a banana, an apple, and yogurt along with a litre of water laced with some fiber powder. Now I am going to take my Prozac and try and meditate or something. I feel calm now, but just--low. Dirt-low.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm up 8 kilos from my lowest weight
/u/heartemoji
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhcft/im_up_8_kilos_from_my_lowest_weight/
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I am so angry at myself.
I've been denying that you can tell but of course any one can see 8 kilos.
8 kilos gained in 2 years. I don't want to go out in public because I hate how I look.

Almost every day I'm like okay today I won't binge, today will be different, but I just can't seem to get my shit together :(

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[Rant/Rave] This is fine, everything's fine
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'4" | CW: 137 | 24.1 | -60lbs | 22F 🌷]
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:34:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhasz/this_is_fine_everythings_fine/
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So I'm at work (12hr nursing student shift) 10 hrs into my shift and I feel like death because I'm running on ~300 calories. But I'm powering through because I got a powerade zero for once from the caf. Go to take a gulp when I find that someone tried to clean and dumped it out and threw it in the trash.

Do :) they :) want :) me :) to :) die????
Because that is literally what is about to happen.
What the fuck is wrong with me people, wait till I find this punk ass bitch. I know I didn't finish it because I hate these electrolyte drinks and I can't finish them quickly. Ugh why

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[Rant/Rave] Finally in the 140s!! 25lbs down!
/u/ms_ireneadler2
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:14:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fh6cj/finally_in_the_140s_25lbs_down/
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You guys.. I havent seen the 140s since Freshman yr of hs.. so 5 going on 6 years.. Im SO happy!!

It still doesnt feel like Ive lost 25lbs but everyone is commenting and it's so nice. I also broke though a 2-month rut (155/152lbs). Yay!! Im starting to feel like myself again, even tho I have a ways to go.

I seriously couldnt have lost this weight (w/o also losing my mind..) without you guys. Thank you!!

Edit: [yay!!!](https://imgur.com/a/qt71o)

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[Intro] I'm back...an intro for the 9th time
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:01:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fh3b8/im_backan_intro_for_the_9th_time/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Extremely overweight but not losing while restricting?
/u/e_liz
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:47:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgzzh/extremely_overweight_but_not_losing_while/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I started abusing pills (again) and justifying it with my ED and chronic pain. Nice.
/u/dec4y [5'3 | hugh mungus|gw:100lbs|-10lbs|f]
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgy9u/i_started_abusing_pills_again_and_justifying_it/
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Just in case, obvious CW for prescription drug abuse.
Oh and this is 100% word vomit existential crisis rant, so tbh it's not even worth reading.

Backstory: I abused pills for just about a year, got high almost every day, failed classes, ruined relationships, etc. (Quit using in feb of 2016, relapsed a couple times not too badly, and now here I am) My mother has also been addicted to prescription pain meds as well as xanax and a few others for literally my entire life, and I cut contact with her 2 years ago because of that + she was abusive and really bad for my mental health and ed. Moving on.
I've got this coworker who once gave me morphine because i wouldn't stop bitching about my fucked up shoulder and I've been buying it off of her ever since. It got rid of my pain (nothing else had helped at all so far), it made me too nauseous to eat or even really think about food, and it got me to work harder. And that's how I've been justifying it. I know its bad. I know its abusing drugs. I know I'm wasting money. I know I'm turning into my mother. I know I'm literally flushing my going on 2 year relationship down the toilet with my horrible eating habits that I refuse to change.
I just have no motivation to change at all. I gave upon my dreams of becoming a forest ranger. That's what I've wanted to do since I was 8 years old and I just sent all my emails from colleges and scholarships to the junk folder. My boyfriend and I have talked about me being a housewife and only working part time somewhere because I'm just too scared to do anything with my life. I'm too scared to start college or find something different to do as a career, I can't even find somewhere besides fucking taco bell to work. My boyfriend used to yell at me and get mad when I wouldn't eat or he found out I purged and now he just asks to change the subject and gets quietly upset. I can tell its taking a toll on him, and it really upsets him, he always says that I love my ED more than I love him and i'm just so so so scared that that's true. I'm just not ready to give it up. Even for him. The only person that i really care about. I dont even care about myself. My entire life is spiraling out of control and the only thing i can think about and keep a handle on is what I eat and thats only when my boyfriend isn't around and its really fucking affecting me!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm falling apart!
I'm getting anxiety attacks almost daily, my fear of food has gotten so much worse, i have new compulsive habits around food and new fear foods and new things i've never thought to be afraid of that i'm now absolutely terrified of!
and i feel like I need help, like I know I do, but i just cant give up my ed and everything else around me feels like its swallowing me whole and i dontknow what the hell would possibly help me holy shit wow this is a mess sorryyyyyy

tl;dr my life is a fucking MESS and its all my fault ;n; and i cant do anything about it because im a depressed piece of shit

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[Rant/Rave] Even at a deficit I still feel like I'm gonna get fat??
/u/throwaway2416256
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:36:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgx34/even_at_a_deficit_i_still_feel_like_im_gonna_get/
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I'm getting bad cravings for candy out of nowhere and I even did the math for it, since my last cheat day I've built up almost 8k calories in deficit, and if I get the candy I want I'd still have almost 7k calories of deficit, and that's not even counting the fact that I probably wouldn't want dinner since filling up on candy. But I still feel like if I let myself give in to the craving I'm gonna magically get fat. It's like I'm not even fat now, I know that logically I'm more on the thin side but my stupid brain tells me "you're not fat but you're not thin and you can't go over your calories or you'll never be thin even if your body is at a deficit" idk how to explain it. I'm pretty sure I've had body dysmorphia since I was a teen. Ugh sorry I just had to vent. Sometimes I feel like you guys are the only ones who can understand some of my feelings :( thank you for listening, anyone who reads this

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[Help] Help! I need low cal recipes that can pass off as normal recipes
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:26:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fguq9/help_i_need_low_cal_recipes_that_can_pass_off_as/
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I have a friend who doesn't know about my ED, and one of the things we like to do together is bake. But there's almost nothing I'd feel comfortable eating if it's a baked good. My friend wants to bake together soon so I'm kind of freaking out. Does anyone have "safe recipes" for baking that I can use?

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[Rant/Rave] Planning a relapse?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgmgx/planning_a_relapse/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Had to go out to eat today after already eating something, will I gain weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:51:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgm7x/had_to_go_out_to_eat_today_after_already_eating/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] fasting for a week in amish country (lmao)
/u/liskovaa [21 | F | 5'4" | -25lbs. | 🍑 babycat]
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:04:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgawk/fasting_for_a_week_in_amish_country_lmao/
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so, i'm currently house/dog sitting for one of my friends from college and it should have been perfect. i'm alone in the country, thirty minutes from anything close to a "city" with just me, some farm cats, and her puppy. i thought this would be easy. i'd be able to fast for a week no problem. she doesn't have any food in the house (not even joking, there's just like some random sauces in the fridge and most of them expired in 2013) and the closest store is far as fuck away. living in a big city my biggest problem is that i can just walk to the nearest grocery store/restaurant/etc. and binge until i want to die, so this should be easy peasy!! no temptation!!

but nope!! i am a disgusting human who has no self control because i just drove that thirty+ minutes to go and binge on mcdonalds, starbucks, and chick-fil-a. i literally only lasted two days w/o binging what is wrong with me lol. i mean, at least i'm all alone so i can purge as hard and loud as i want :^) oh well! at least the rest of my "vacation" is turning out alright. disconnecting from social media, taking nice hikes, and being able to sit down and read is great. just wish i was able to log out of my appetite like i can log out of instagram.

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[Other] New chapter in my ED, Whole Foods
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgalw/new_chapter_in_my_ed_whole_foods/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] effortlessly skinny people
/u/axxx26
Created: Mon Jun 5 12:39:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fg4y5/effortlessly_skinny_people/
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I don't want to eat whatever I want, I want to want less. Those people who are stick skinny and think it's their genetics but actually are happy to eat healthy and <~1300 cal a day...I hate them. It's so easy for them. They can choose a salad for lunch because they genuinely enjoy it and aren't tempted by the greasy burgers, they don't think of bad food as something they gave up, they just know it's bad. They forgot about meals easily. And they'll always be skinny because this is their lifestyle. I have so many friends that are like this and I'm so jealous, I watch them obsessively and they literally don't care about food, they say they love it but when it comes down to it food is just not a priority for them. And I want it so badly, I'm so jealous, but I've already ruined myself. I can't ever forget restricting and binging, I can't shake the feeling that when I reject something greasy and sugary I've made some kind of sacrifice, I hate myself. Effortlessly skinny people eat whatever they want. They just don't want much.

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[Intro] Back to an "average" BMI from a long period of falling under "overweight" (BED)
/u/liliannereid [170 cm | CW: 67.6 kg | SW: 78.1 kg | UGW: 58.5-60.5 kg | 25F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 12:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fg1rj/back_to_an_average_bmi_from_a_long_period_of/
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Hey guys, I'd just like to share this with someone as I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my family. They have been commenting that I'm not eating enough.

I have recently started seeing a professional about disordered eating, who says I have binge eating disorder or EDNOS. I have a history of bingeing for a long period of time or a long period of doing occasional, heavy binges, and then doing periods of restricting heavily. So I typically gain weight very fast and lose weight very fast. For the past weeks I have been doing a lot of hikes and not been eating much, after a long period of being - well - a pig. Finally I am back down to a healthy (that is, not overweight) BMI :-)

I tried doing this the "healthy" way last winter, and I never got this far... I remember coming to the conclusion, at some point after I started seeing the specialist, that even when I'm losing weight, if it's coming from the disordered viewpoint it will be bad and I'll end up gaining the fat again. I can feel I'm in the "disordered" state right now but it just feels so good. I feel like a much better person. I don't want to stop this.

I can't wait to get even further down and start looking really good, and get admiring looks. Still, I'm afraid if I hope too hard I may lose control and start another bingeing episode.

Sorry, I know this is not very well written, just wanted to get it out there and share with someone without having to think too much about the grammar/phrasing. Take care, everyone.

Edit: Just wanted to add one thing - I have this constant worry in my mind but I haven't been able to ask anyone because it is a really vain one - I am nearing 26 years, does this mean that I will not be able to look good anymore when I get to my goal weight? Please don't judge me I know it's a really stupid question but I can't shake this feeling... I'm not very young anymore.

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[Other] Any men/boys here?
/u/eca3c4
Created: Mon Jun 5 12:04:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffwi1/any_menboys_here/
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I'm a 20 year old guy and since I was 16 I have an ED, only last year that I stopped denying that I have bulimia. I've never talked about it online, although I told some friends when I had a mental breakdown.
I've discovered this subreddit and it's helping me a lot, but even though most posts here are really relatable and even helpful, I kind of feel lost here.
I know that it's rare men who talks about having an ED, but anyway it doesn't hurt to try...

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There Is No Cure For An ED
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Mon Jun 5 11:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffi6i/there_is_no_cure_for_an_ed/
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[removed]

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Calories and Running??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:39:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffc6r/calories_and_running/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Mom threatening to sell my wedding dress (rant)
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffb4v/mom_threatening_to_sell_my_wedding_dress_rant/
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Lately I've been doing really well with restricting. I've barely had a bite of food each day for 4 days now. A couple days ago my mom really was on me about it. I'm getting married and I'll be altering my wedding dress this month which is why I'm trying to lose weight. The dress is a size 10 (it was the only one left of its kind and it's perfect) and I'm a size 0. I've always been a size 0 and she's known that but for some fucked up reason she thinks they can't alter it to fit me. So unless I can show I'm willing to eat "a variety of foods" she's going to sell it. I know she's being dramatic, but I'm so angry because I've been picky about food since I was 13 years old and she's never had a real issue with it. I believe a person should have the freedom to eat whatever they want. Even if I wasn't starving myself to lose weight I'd never eat foods I didn't even like in the first place, like pasta or ice cream or bread..etc. but I'll just leave a bunch of plates with scrapes of food on it, make it look like I'm eating, and spit out food in a napkin at the dinner table when she's not looking. So far I'm losing a pound a day and I want to finally be 99 lbs when I alter my dress. Am I hungry? Of course.. today I woke up excited about all the snacks I wanna eat and then I realized..oh yeah.. I'm anorexic. I don't eat.

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[Help] Can people share something with me?
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffa3d/can_people_share_something_with_me/
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~~I am so lonely right now. I don't have the energy to talk too much about the causes and what happened because I feel very numb, but the effects are a cancelled holiday with my boyfriend (a day before going). I don't think I could have tried harder or been a better person, but maybe I was too nice. I've always had nightmares about cancelled holidays the night before but it hasn't ever happened until now.~~

I wish I hadn't eaten earlier now.

I'd just like... could people share a nice moment from their day, or a kind thing that happened to them or that they did this weekend? I'd love to hear a tiny nugget of happiness you've had.

Thanks everyone.

edit: 2 hours later, I think the situation is now resolved and I've 'uncancelled'. I have really appreciated your comments so far and they have brought a ray of sunshine to my day, just hearing the little moments of joy and the kindnesses you've had. I will reply to each individually later but so emotionally drained right now from everything today. Love to you all <3 <3

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[Rant/Rave] RANT How Do You Guys Cope with S/Os
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:14:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ff6a5/rant_how_do_you_guys_cope_with_sos/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Day 5 bitches now how will I fuck this up this time.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 09:00:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6feono/day_5_bitches_now_how_will_i_fuck_this_up_this/
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On mobile please flair rant/rave

108 hours since I ate last. Not sure how much scales has moved cause I have drank a lot of water. It was a shorter work week and it's now my weekend. I plan to go shopping for some goal clothes and try stuff on that won't fit and walk a ton, aiming for 15k steps. Also my new fitness tracker is supposed to be delivered today so hooray. I still feel a binge looming over me like a dark cloud so I plan to avoid food at all costs today and hopefully keep this fucked up journey going physically I don't even feel hungry but the mental thing always fucks me up I give myself and inch and take a mile.

Send good vibes lovelies,

Willow.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel vile
/u/forestfloorpool [✶170cm • bmi18.3 • gbmi17.3 • 24f✶]
Created: Mon Jun 5 08:14:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6feeux/i_feel_vile/
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I have been binging all week. My stomach looks pregnant and I feel **vile**. I know I won't put on weight, and I am retaining water weight but I feel so sick. I want to fast this week away, but I can never fast properly. I envy those who can just shut off eating and the world.

I'm so disappointed with myself. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

:(

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[Other] Trying to not feel guilty for a binge
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Mon Jun 5 08:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6feczb/trying_to_not_feel_guilty_for_a_binge/
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I'd been doing good for a while, not shoveling food down my throat endlessly. But recently I've been just too stressed to care. I'm not quite 4 weeks post-op for a LOT of facial cosmetic surgery, and last Friday my septum split open. I'm at the doc's office now waiting, worried about this nasty hole in my face, wondering wtf I've been eating and basically just scared about the whole ordeal. Am I wrong to eat or do I need to need to eat to heal or what do I need to be doing?! I just want to be better, both physically with the surgery and inside with my feelings. I'm angry at myself for slipping and yet during the entire weekend I felt like food was the only comfort to fight the terror of what's happened to my nose.

I really hate that any aspect of this has become my reality and I just want to feel like a normal person for once. I want to fit in and be okay.

**Edit: after getting a bunch of numbing shots in my face so they could stitch me back together followed by the 5+ hour drive by myself to go back home, I've decided to stop counting calories for the week. I hope this doesn't bite me in the ass later (it probably will and I expect I'll cry when I start to see how far it has set me back) but I need to feed my body so I don't permanently wreck my face. It's not worth risking bad healing or scarring, I can try to be normal for just one week. **

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[Rant/Rave] Relapse on Alcohol, now I'm relapsing on ED
/u/d0p3girl
Created: Mon Jun 5 07:41:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fe85d/relapse_on_alcohol_now_im_relapsing_on_ed/
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I was in a program before for ED and drugs, and I got kicked out for drinking. And now I just feel like I don't want to try anymore with ED recovery especially. Because I know if I drink or use then people are going to know, but I guess mentally, I just need a way to have control, and that's through my ED. I haven't purged yet since I've drank, but I've been restricting again, and restricting for me always leads to binging and purging. It just kind of sucks. I don't want this life, but I feel like I don't have any other. Like I don't have opportunities anymore. Just now, I was talking to a random guy, and he's going to California, and I wanted to go with him - literally he was a random truck driver, and he was 100% hitting on me. And usually I'm creeped out, but I guess because he spoke softly and was Hispanic, so I found him less creepy than the usual guys who hit on me. I'm kind of tempted to go though. I guess I'm crazy impulsive like that.

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[Discussion] Safe foods in the U.K.?
/u/eillenosam
Created: Mon Jun 5 07:12:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fe2pq/safe_foods_in_the_uk/
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Redditors in the U.K., what are your safe foods that are low in calories? For example one of my favourite meals are these sweet chilli noodles that are only 106 calories per portion! How great is that? Does anybody have anything that is similar?

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[Discussion] Idk
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 07:00:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fe0cz/idk/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Not ed related but I need some help! I'm wearing this dress to a wedding and need help with accessories!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:54:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdzbo/not_ed_related_but_i_need_some_help_im_wearing/
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http://i.imgur.com/cvxA9Yt.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Jumbles of thoughts: Writing instead of eating.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdz8e/jumbles_of_thoughts_writing_instead_of_eating/
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I'm currently sitting in the Louvre. I come here almost every day to get out of the heat or rain and hit my goal of thoroughly seeing each room. After 9 months, I've hit my goal and become such a regular that security greets me personally as do some of the room guards. Legally, for my visa, I'm supposed to be enrolled in a language course. But it ate up most of my day and I find I learn real French better when I'm out and about. I also put my money towards exploration and have my whole day free. So, that's that.

Anyhow, I'm sitting here in a place of grandeur and beauty but my eyes keep drifting towards one thing. McDonalds. No, I won't go. Somehow I've convinced myself not to be the American that goes to McDs. I also hate ordering food, but the fact I'm still tempted bothers me.

I b/p-ed so much this weekend that I almost threw out my back and it hurts to move it. So of course I've decided to walk at least 10 miles today and fast as well. Because that'll help my body heal.

I'm sitting here wondering if my local grocery store is open as it's a bank holiday. But not a big one. I've mastered the art of budget binges and am thinking what I could put my last 5€ to so I can purge when I'm home.

But I don't want to purge. Or binge. My meds have taken my appetite and desire to eat, but I reach for it out of habit. I get no joy from the binge, but still manage that post purge high. It's the only real thing I feel and I think that's why I'm clinging onto the habit.

I've lost 10 pounds in the past month by getting real with myself after an emotional setback earlier this year. My old clothes fit again and this morning I stuck my fat clothes in the donation bin.

I leave France after 11 months here in just 37 days. My mother booked an impromptu trip leaving in 42 days. When people speak of how many days until something, all I see is a Losertown chart estimating what I could weigh by then if I do everything right. I could lose 10 pounds by then. Technically I could do 15 in the 6 weeks until I leave. I'll have to be in a bathing suit then and it's stressing me out. I'll have to eat every meal in front of my family for 2 weeks. Also stressing. I'm excited for the trip too, don't get me wrong. But there will be pictures. No joke, I've managed to avoid being in pictures since high school over 7 years ago. But since this is the first trip my family is going on together, there will be plenty of pictures. And I know the hit my self esteem takes when I see a bad picture. It can totally ruin your day as you feel that knot in your stomach reminding you of failure. All the years of disorder thoughts and eating and purging and fasting and exercising and yet it's gotten you nowhere. Nothing to show for it except a lack of a life and a mouthful of cavities.

I've spent so much time alone this past year and it kills me that the human brain simply isn't meant to exist in its own this long. We are social animals and yet my brain isolates me. I haven't had friends in years or hung out with anyone. No one. I don't even feel like a person. I don't know how to socialize, what I would talk about, or anything about it. I find that I turn to an incredibly fake personality the moment someone strikes up a conversation. My current employer recently described me in an email I was forwarded. The way she described me is the exact opposite of how I see myself. It made me question who I really am and if anyone would want to get to know that person.

I think there is something wrong with me. I can't seem to get a firm grasp on the future until it hits me in the face. In 40 days, I won't have a job or income or place to live apart from my parents' home. And I still haven't even written a resumé. Or really looked for a job. I don't know what I'm looking for. I know what I need to do and somehow can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why. It feels like it crosses over with my ED. I know I shouldn't binge or buy a certain food because it'll negatively affect my future. But I do it anyway.

I can stress about the future all day and yet find myself doing nothing. I don't get it. Tomorrow never feels real yet I'm too worried about it to enjoy the now. Does that make sense? It's all short term. It feels like a druggie just looking to get the next hit and nothing else.

I'm 24 and everyone tells me it's normal to feel lost in life. I don't think it's normal to my extent.

I've been sitting on this bench for an hour now. This city is full of so much to do and yet I can't manage to stand up and do anything. It feels like my depression has depression.

I came to Paris because I thought my home life was causing me to be depressed. I learned I was wrong and my issues crossed the Atlantic with me. It makes me wonder where and if I can be happy.

So I sit here having a quarter life existential crisis and debating if I can muster the energy to move.

And this is where food comes into play again. I feel nothing, but maybe if I stuff myself and purge it out I can get some sort of rush. Currently fasting to feel out of it. Then purging to float. I'm destroying my body so my brain will just stop for a bit. To eat or not to eat. What's my end goal. Am I addicted to the process and not necessarily what I think I might be in the future.

I'm just having a shit day and need to get this out. I know it's a bunch of word vomit, but it needs to get out all at once. No different than binging and purging. Holding everything in then expelling it until I'm empty.

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! June 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:15:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdsfk/weekly_stats_update_june_05_2017/
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This is the weekly status thread for June 05, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:14:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdsew/daily_food_diary_june_05_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for June 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Other] Ok but what's happening to my hands???
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 05:38:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdmfb/ok_but_whats_happening_to_my_hands/
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https://i.redd.it/p9qyqi05dt1z.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE think about their past binges fondly?
/u/throwawayyy9348203
Created: Mon Jun 5 05:08:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdhxy/dae_think_about_their_past_binges_fondly/
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totally weird question but I feel COMPLETELY alone on this. When I'm binging I fucking hate binging and I fucking hate myself, I'm miserable and everything is sooo awful and I swear again and again this will be the last time

But then I like, remember my binges in a positive light??? Almost as if I idealize them. For example, I think very fondly upon the time I sat on a park bench calmly eating an entire can of frosting at a bmi 14 and people giving me the weirdest looks. At the time I felt so awful, but when I think about it now it's hilarious to me, and something I would class as a "good" memory. Eating half of a kilogram of chocolate and wanting to die at the time but remembering it as a "god I'm such an idiot I love myself" sort of way weeks or months after the fact.

I think in a way it's a vague manifestation of a... superiority complex, or something. like a "ha ha ha I ate all of that 'bad' forbidden food and I'm still this light," or even a weird kind of sadism directed at the self. But at the same time it's terrible, because thinking about binging in a fond way makes me more prone to doing it again, and again, and of course feeling like utter shit when I do and laughing about it later. And then it repeats itself.

Even entire periods of weeks where I was just binging nonstop are times I think upon fondly years later. Maybe it's the allure of the "forbidden" being pursued, or something. but it's annoying as shit! Anyone else like this? I always read others feeling awful and disgusting about their binging but I just end up feeling elated with myself, even though it's destructive bc binging in the moment makes me want to die lmao

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[Discussion] Does anyone else here wish they could handle bulimia?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Jun 5 04:51:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdfm3/does_anyone_else_here_wish_they_could_handle/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Weighed in at 125.8
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 03:18:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fd3eo/weighed_in_at_1258/
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I had a mini binge last night- got to 5pm on a perfect 1000, then ate soooo many Swedish fish. 😵 Had to work myself up to weighing myself this morning aaaaand... 125.8. I'm sure it's a fluke. Idk. I'm not happy. Why can't I just be happy? :(

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[Goal] Back on the wagon
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW:103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Jun 5 02:44:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fczgs/back_on_the_wagon/
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I'm not going to eat anything for 5 days. Monday through Friday. I don't have a lot of time to fast, because I have a therapy appointment next week, at least. Maybe even this week. Do I dare get away with putting coins in my boots? She's never made me take my shoes off before... but I've never put coins on my person in therapy before.

Meanwhile, I'm pleased that my weight spike of a revolting 108 has settled back down into only 2.8 pounds above my LW. I'm 105 now. I'm hoping I can be UNDERWEIGHT (101) by the end of Friday. That's my goal. I want so badly to make it. Cheer me on!! It's so close now, it's within my grasp, I know it!!

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[Humor] Even cartoon food triggers me
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Mon Jun 5 02:27:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fcxkl/even_cartoon_food_triggers_me/
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I was watching Bob's Burgers, The Laser-Inth (season 7, episode 18) and Tina, Louise, and Gene are eating cereal and it looks so fucking good, it's making my mouth water.

...ha...ha...this is sad

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[Other] I guess it's technically Monday. Why the fuck am I like this?
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 00:52:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fclxa/i_guess_its_technically_monday_why_the_fuck_am_i/
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http://i.imgur.com/JbJIIoQ.png

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[Other] "It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials"
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Mon Jun 5 00:18:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fchp1/it_is_not_a_daily_increase_but_a_daily_decrease/
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I love this quote from Bruce Lee.

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[Discussion] Anyone else having a hard time with loose skin?
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Mon Jun 5 00:17:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fchkb/anyone_else_having_a_hard_time_with_loose_skin/
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For me, it was basically the thing that turned me to ED. I've spent years on and off various diets since I was a teenager, I've lost friggin 95 pounds and yet here I am, with a weird misshapen body that can only be fixed through plastic surgery. I've done everything I could and arrived nowhere.

Losing weight has never been a full blown obsession for me until this year. I've always thought those folds were just fat and they would go away once I reach 130lbs or so, that I would finally look like a normal thin healthy girl of my age. Now it's painfully obvious it's just skin and it makes me feel more hideous then ever. I'm 23 and I have a body of an old woman. When I walk next to my mirror I can see loose skin sort of jiggle around my thighs, separately from my fat. It's disgusting and it's killing me. There is absolutely no way I can afford surgery right now so this is one more problem that is out of my control.

I've been cutting my calorie intake more and more for the last couple of months until I got to around 300 or less per day. Feeling hungry and seeing the number on the scale go down are the only things that make me feel sort of content these days. Like, at least I'm being consistently 'good' with my diet. I can't fix my body but at least I got this one thing under control. Cause you know, distancing myself from reality through an obsession is totally going to help with everything :/

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[Help] My parents are worried. I'm an adult. They shouldn't worry.
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 49.5kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 23:31:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fcb84/my_parents_are_worried_im_an_adult_they_shouldnt/
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IM NOT EVEN THIN WHAT THE FUCK

I could cry right now.

Fuck fuck fuck

My dad is worried, my mom is too, I really don't care. Why do they worry. What is their reason. Why do they guilt me into eating DO THEY NOT SEE THAT I DONT DESERVE THE FOOD AND IM NOT HUNGRY. This is the one thing I can control, the one thing I can do **perfect** and not screw up like I screw everything else up. Damn.

My dad just made me have a glass of milk. *Alright*, I told myself, *I can drink this and not have anything else this morning. I'll even have some cereal to appease him*

Now he says he'll be making me breakfast.

And I have to eat it.

Dad why. Why why why why why why why why am I crying this is not something to cry about.

I want to recover. *Not yet*. No, actually this is perfect. I want to recover. I want to restrict. I want both. I want to be left alone. I want them to care, but not care to this extent.

Why am I selfish like this.

I want to restrict in peace.

I want to recover alone.

I love them so much but they should leave my eating habits alone.

EDIT: Why am I like this. Why can't I be normal and enjoy a meal with my parents.

EDIT 2: Had dinner and didn't freak out. Enjoyed it a lot actually :)

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[Help] Need to talk to someone right now before I do something stupid. (tw: rape)
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:58:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fc6ce/need_to_talk_to_someone_right_now_before_i_do/
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I just saw a picture of my rapist on my Facebook feed. I am freaking the fuck out, like, physically ill and shaking and I don't know what to do right now except binge and purge and cut. Nobody is answering their phone and I don't know what to do.

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[Help] help. fell off the wagon and can't get it together
/u/thindreaming [5'9 | 157 | -15 | 24F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fc4kb/help_fell_off_the_wagon_and_cant_get_it_together/
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[removed]

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[Help] DIY Recovery?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:09:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbyp8/diy_recovery/
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I know this isn't what usually gets posted on this sub, so let me know if it isn't okay, but does anyone have resources for working towards recovery on your own? Therapy isn't realistic for me right now but I want to get to the point where I can eat around maintenance without feeling like I've gained ten pounds or panicking. Any ideas?

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[Rant/Rave] Boredom without ed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:01:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbxga/boredom_without_ed/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck Stretchmarks
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Sun Jun 4 21:51:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbvqz/fuck_stretchmarks/
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Does anyone else happen to have stretch marks?? I don't know how I managed to have so many but they're ALLL over me. But the thing is - I've been underweight my entire life. I'm lighter than I was in 7th grade. And at my lowest weight I'm usually closer to how heavy I was when I was 11 years old. I was never a fat kid but I have more stretch marks than anyone else. And they're not light stretch marks either - it looks like someone has carved into my skin.

Ah I just hate my body and I don't know how to get rid of it or why I even have it.

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[Rant/Rave] what's a coping mechanism
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Sun Jun 4 21:21:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbqnk/whats_a_coping_mechanism/
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i can't starve myself right now. i have to eat at maintenance for another week. ALL I WANT TO DO IS NOT EAT.

how sad that when something goes wrong or just not perfect my first thought is well i just won't eat and that'll work it out which doesn't even make sense the rest of ur life is still shit losing a pound won't fix it

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[Rant/Rave] Screw recovery.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 20:55:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbm10/screw_recovery/
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[deleted]

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[Other] @me (found in a quote book about bodies- also guess what my new wallpaper is ahhahaha)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 20:40:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbjgc/me_found_in_a_quote_book_about_bodies_also_guess/
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https://i.redd.it/3sxum515pq1z.jpg

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[Other] Is it possible to binge while chewing and spitting?
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sun Jun 4 20:23:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbgdt/is_it_possible_to_binge_while_chewing_and_spitting/
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Because I think I just did.

I have no idea why i am so out of control. I feel like I've taken 500 calories just from c/s alone. Hell, it could be 0 for all I care (well i do care but bear with me) . This isn't normal, at all. That's not how normal people eat. Normal people don't waste food like this. Normal people don't fill their trash can with disgusting chewed food.

I may not be ready for recovery yet, but I don't want to start any new bad habits. Besides, c/s hurts my stomach so much afterwards. It's not even enjoyable!

I started doing this 3 days ago, and I must stop before it becomes a daily thing. I don't want to make this ed worse than it already is. I guess I'm using this post is to keep myself accountable?

(also can somebody reassure me on the amount of calories i can get from c/s lol)

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[Rant/Rave] Everyone keeps saying how thin I've become but all I see is disgusting, revolting, horrific fat
/u/Clarl020 [5ft2 | CW: 106lbs | GW: 93(?)lbs | BMI: 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 19:45:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fb9eb/everyone_keeps_saying_how_thin_ive_become_but_all/
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Since September my weight has gone from 55kg to 46kg. I've lost 3~ inches on my waist and have gone down a dress size and a half. I can fit into UK8 clothing now - before I was a 10/12.

Everyone keeps commenting on how small I am now. I was walking in front of my mum recently and she told me that my knees looked like the widest part of my leg. Also the first thing she said when she picked me up from the train station after not seeing each other since Christmas was "you've gotten thin!". Also when I saw my brother he said "wow you've lost weight!" My boyfriend was helping me fold clothes and he mentioned how he couldn't fit his hand into my jeans to turn them the right way round, saying how tiny I was. He also held up my skirt and said how little it was. I recently went kayaking with some friends and when we had to wear wetsuits people were calling me "small" and "tiny". One of my friends is so petite and tiny, her thighs are just goals, and I can fit into the same size suit as her?!

So why the fuck do I feel so huge and revolting?

I'm the lowest weight adult-me has ever been. My waist is the smallest I've ever had it. Yet all I see is horrific, ugly, repulsive, evil fat all over my body. I look into the mirror, analysing every single inch of my body and just cry and cry and cry. I spend every second of the day thinking about how ugly and evil I am. If I'm walking down the street I'm looking at every person and comparing myself with them. Food revolts me yet I spend hours and hours thinking about and obsessing over it.

I just fucking hate myself for being this fat. Logically I know I'm not fat - my BMI is bordering underweight - yet I just can't see that at all?? All I see is fat? And ugly? And evil? I feel like my skin is crawling every time I look in the mirror. I absolutely DESPISE myself and how FUCKING FAT I am.

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[Other] I'm not the size my clothes tell me
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -60 | 31F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 19:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fb7g5/im_not_the_size_my_clothes_tell_me/
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At my highest weight of about 190 in January, I wore a size 14. I'm now 125 and wear a size 2 (or a 25). But I don't look any different. Every one tells me how I've lost weight and look awesome blah blah blah but none of it makes sense.

My reflection is still a hideous beast and I'll keep losing until I can see the difference.

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[Rant/Rave] Starving is my reward and my punishment. I don't deserve food.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Jun 4 18:24:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fauq9/starving_is_my_reward_and_my_punishment_i_dont/
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On mobile flair as rant/rave.

Last night I washed dishes for 4 hours out of my 8 hour shift cause someone called out. I had a meeting with my boss (the owner of the restaurant) and he explained how no one likes doing dishes but everyone does them sometimes. As a counter point I referenced two of my coworkers I'd never seen have to do them. As least one of the we'll call them C and R. C is just a stronger cook and so they are more valuable on the line. As for R that's a different story. He admitted to hiring me to cook but Said washing dishes is a necessary chore.

Translation. I am a terrible cook. I am still learning but according to him I haven't improved much since I started or I was improving but I stopped according to him. This really stings deep.

I was already feeling low and upset and already fasting because I don't feel like I deserve food. This is just more timber to the fire. If no one will recognize me as a good cook then I might as well just starve.

I feel like I'm a good cook but this really took the wind from my sails. I thought I was doing well and here I am being told I'm not as good as I could be and also being lectured about the bottom line when I know damn well how business works but not a lot of scrutiny is being paid to my coworkers who seem to half ass things. R isn't very good at multitasking and often tries to help when it's unnecessary and doesn't wash dishes when they need to be done. I've talked about R Before. They make me want to be smaller but it's rediculous to feel like I'm competing with someone so different from me.

My fast must continue in the name of spite but also as my punishment for being a shitty human being. I can't do anything right. I just feel so upset.

I hope everyone else's weekend has been better than mine.

Willow

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[Discussion] Tried laxatives for the first time last night...
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:55:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fap9d/tried_laxatives_for_the_first_time_last_night/
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I think my life has changed forever. I didn't even use them as a way of purging, but because I haven't went in two weeks. But now my stomach is soo flat and I never want to eat again so I can always look this small! Who knew taking laxatives as a last resort would have accounted for so much motivation lmao

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[Discussion] Anorexia/Bulimia and Sexual Promiscuity?
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 95 | GW 88 | BMI 16.8 | 24F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:38:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fam23/anorexiabulimia_and_sexual_promiscuity/
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I know that most statistical data supports that those with ED's are too uncomfortable with their bodies to even consider sex, lowered sex drive, etc. but I wonder if there is a small percentage that finds that they are more precocious and sexually promiscuous because of their self-hatred?

For example, I find that I am so self-hating that I don't just want to damage my body, but I want others to damage my body as well. Hook-ups, casual sex, that kind of thing. Does anyone else find themselves self-destructing in any way that they can? Or is this something that just anorexics/bulimics with a higher sex drive experience? Can anyone weigh in on this with more information/insight? Thank you.

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[Help] How long would it take for restricting to mess up your electrolytes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:14:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fahj8/how_long_would_it_take_for_restricting_to_mess_up/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So I just spent an hour looking at pictures of Alexis Ren...
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:09:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fagnu/so_i_just_spent_an_hour_looking_at_pictures_of/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Beach vacation in two weeks - too bad I'm disgusting
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 125 | GW: 110 | -13]
Created: Sun Jun 4 16:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6faek7/beach_vacation_in_two_weeks_too_bad_im_disgusting/
---
This vacation was spontaneously suggested by a friend but I did have five weeks to prepare for it, so I should've been able to lose a few pounds - but nope, of course not, I'm too much of a lazy greedy slob. I did well for the first week, I was extremely strict with myself and heavily restricted, but then I had some social events and waaaay backslid. I should be excited for this vacation, but I can't stop obsessing over my body. I dream of being the tiny beach babe but no, I'm just another dumpy girl in a frumpy, plain "mom swimsuit" because I have so much nasty jiggle and cellulite. Of course, if I had more self control I wouldn't be in this predicament because I'd be slim already! I wish I could just fast for the next two weeks and live off of sunlight and air!

---

[Rant/Rave] Time for celebration and reflection
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.6 | -27.4 | F | G: 99]
Created: Sun Jun 4 16:49:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6facww/time_for_celebration_and_reflection/
---
I went to Gap today and purchase 26P size jeans. That's a US 2. I've never in my entire life have been a size 2. It's awesome. I still feel fat... but I will start exercising. I'm going to try to do crunches or squats every time I have to use the bathroom at home. I wonder if this will achieve the look I want.

My realization is how important it is to portion control. The best way to portion control is to have small plates. I tend to always get seconds and having small plates is fucking great. I think I'm going to purchase a nice tea cup set so that I could use the plates.

e: the other thing too, what has helped me was finding low calorie alternatives to stuff. For sweets, I eat dum dums which are 25 calories each, Halo Top where the entire pint is 240 calories, diet coke 0 calories. Portion control and low calorie stuff is the way to go.

---

[Rant/Rave] It has really got me right now
/u/shortchair [5'6" | 106 lbs | 17.18| -60 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 16:43:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fabql/it_has_really_got_me_right_now/
---
My ED really has its hands around my throat right now and I'm mad about it. A lot of good things just happened to me. I feel safe and loved. I kicked ass in school this semester. My life finally has a definite direction. And it's terrifying. Despite all these good things, the bad things are still suffocating me. I can not allow myself to be happy. I don't know how. I've been outright refusing food from the family that is hosting me all summer. Food is one of the big ways they show love and affection and I am refusing it. I feel like absolute shit about it and I know I can't keep it up all summer. I need to find a way to let myself eat healthily and moderately. I am in physical pain from the restriction, which doesn't even compare to the mental sluggishness. I have been browsing tons of recovery blogs. I just want to be like these beautiful happy people that have light in their eyes.

---

[Discussion] DAE get period symptoms 1000x when they're restricting?
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:33:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9y2v/dae_get_period_symptoms_1000x_when_theyre/
---
On mobile, but discussion.

I'm usually someone who has the easiest period on the planet; super light flow, little to no cramps, no bloating, etc. But holy shit, I've been restricting between 500-700 calories since April, with some blips here and there, and my last two periods have been the worst I've ever experienced.

I've been bed ridden all day today with the worst cramps I've had since middle school, popping ibuprofen and period relief pills like candy, and my lower abdomen is visibly sticking out and bloated I can't think of any other cause but restriction, but I always thought cutting out greasy, fatty foods would make periods easier?

tl;dr Is Mother Nature killing me for not eating?

---

[Rant/Rave] My body is so weird!
/u/BodilySolids [5'0" | CW: 140.6 | BMI: 28.92 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:23:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9w79/my_body_is_so_weird/
---
So in a previous post I complained about restricting to 200-600 cal for nearly four weeks and seeing absolutely no change on the scale. Well, I decided to eat maintenance Friday and yesterday, and my body was ANGRY...

Seriously, I haven't touched any laxatives, but I've had (TMI) liquid poo and haven't stopped peeing all day today....

...and I got a whopping 2lb decrease in weight. WTF?!

---

[Rant/Rave] "Just eat like a normal person or don't eat"
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9w19/just_eat_like_a_normal_person_or_dont_eat/
---
TDLR: Just eat like a normal person, it's just food

I'm just going to rant about a convo with my husband last night. Essentially I restrict sub 300 or 500 except the days every long while and I eat random crazy dinner with my husband (and feel sick)

On Friday I out of the blue binged on a little leftover spaghetti, chips and yoghurt (purged the yogurt) and STUPIDLY messaged him about it - should have just come here. He says re: another post I made "it's ok you're not fat don't freak out you're looking SUPER HEALTHY"

Anyway today I decided I just fast which I'm great at.

He put a piece of pork in my mouth (I said no.. he like stuck it in my mouth lol). Next thing you know I'm eating a mini snack bag of chips (approx 120 cal) - I HATE having snacks in the house) and the rest of his pasta salad, which he shoved at me after( idk how much cal but if was maybe a cup of it)and a few hours later I bring out 2 snack chip bags, one for him, which he's too full to have so I ate the other.

He later proceeds to take the leftover bag downstairs. My fat ass reaches to him for it, and he says NO (after I jokingly said that I wanted to eat all the food ever) I'm like come one gimme the chips.

"NO

NO because youll just turn around and say "I'm fat I'm disgusting" which you ARE NOT and it makes me so fucking sad

Or DONT EAT like usual

OR, eat like a normal person and just think of it as food!!!"

I was pretty fucking shaken by this and still am. Obviously I'm not ever going to bring anything up to him again or eat regularly.

---

[Rant/Rave] Does anybody have fat family members and get disgusted by them?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:22:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9vz8/does_anybody_have_fat_family_members_and_get/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] What are your grossest habits?
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9uky/what_are_your_grossest_habits/
---
I've had a bag of throw up under my sink for about a month. I can't find a time I'm home alone to dispose of it lol. Uhh

---

[Meme/Humor] just had a baby and also anorexic. i guess dis my life now 🤷🏻‍♀️
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5' 7 | CW: 110 | BMI: 17.2 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 14:32:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9lu3/just_had_a_baby_and_also_anorexic_i_guess_dis_my/
---
https://i.redd.it/szxbaz8kvo1z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this???
/u/ekkkooo
Created: Sun Jun 4 14:19:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9j1v/why_am_i_like_this/
---
I'm sitting in the library cold as balls and wearing a sweater and coat even though its summer outside.
my throat is so sore from purging so much and my cheeks are puffy. im starting to get weird heart palpitations and my teeth are so sensitive and im honestly getting so scared :(

having an ed is so rough guys.

---

[Discussion] DAE recognize other EDs in the grocery store?
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 102lbs | recovery, for now | ✨]
Created: Sun Jun 4 14:06:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9gfn/dae_recognize_other_eds_in_the_grocery_store/
---
I'm going to Whole Foods in a minute and was thinking about the last time I was there getting low-cal food and saw a girl wearing huge sweats, really thin, carrying a bunch of low-cal food and we just looked at each other for a minute and then kept walking. We definitely knew.

It was kind of a fucked up solidarity of misery and recognizing it in other people in public was simultaneously jarring and comforting.

---

[Rant/Rave] "You look pretty good, have you gained some weight?"
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |49 kg | 18,2 | 9 kg | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 13:13:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f95hv/you_look_pretty_good_have_you_gained_some_weight/
---
I saw my sister for the first time in a few weeks. I did tell her sometime ago that I want to gain some muscle(but I didn't tell that I plan to lose some more before that), so, eh..maybe that's it? But that's what she asked.

(And I just don't get it. She knows I have an ED, so wtf?)

But now I'm looking and feeling my body all panicked -I *haven't* gained, so what has happened? Have I gone flabbier, haven't I been working out enough? What the hell, why do I look fatter?

And, she is a genuinely nice person. I'm 100% sure that she didn't mean to make feel shitty. It was a friendly question that she thought was innocent.

Argh. Just one question and I'm a mess.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else using their ED to have control over trauma?
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 130 lbs | -21 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.09 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 12:43:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8z3s/is_anyone_else_using_their_ed_to_have_control/
---
I've had a really rough past few years, I saw and experienced a lot of really messed up things. I feel like focusing on my ED is the only way to have control in my life, seeing the number go down is the closest thing I've had to relief in months. I feel so alone too, like this is a thing I have to deal with myself. I go to the PTSD subreddit and I feel like my trauma pales in comparison to people who were in combat or people who've experienced beatings and such. Here I feel not so much like an outsider and I feel like I can rely on this community. I dunno where I was going with this tbh, I'm on mobile so I'll try to flair ASAP. Thanks for listening.

---

[Other] Epiphany wat
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun Jun 4 12:24:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8vcz/epiphany_wat/
---
So last night I realized why I wanted to be thin so fucking much. It's not even about being the thinnest, or the numbers, or even looking all pretty with small clothes, or the aftermath of terrible exes and shit. I want to be thin because it's almost like an armor that keeps fears away. Its silly but I feel the most vulnerable and defenseless when I'm at a higher weight yet I feel so damn strong when I am losing and losing-even as I feel the toll it's putting on my body.

Like, thinness is a skin, a protective binding, a membrane, a physical manifestation of a better "me" that is able to thrive in a world I fear so much.

The dichotomy is, I wanted bulimia to kill me, to wreak havoc on my body enough to land me in a hospital, behind actual, physical, clean white walls that kept the world out.

---

[Help] Need help, don't know where else to go
/u/AIC2374
Created: Sun Jun 4 12:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8rzm/need_help_dont_know_where_else_to_go/
---
I'm a 20 year old male. Never been diagnosed with any eating disorder, though neither have I checked for one with a professional. For as long as I can remember I've had this problem with eating--it's especially frequent whenever I'm eating out somewhere with friends or family--where I get extremely nervous in the middle of my meal and my mind tells me my stomach wants to vomit. Usually, I rush off to the bathroom to either dry heave or actually throw up, but then once that's over I feel "normal" again and can return to my meal, and sometimes finish it (my appetite is astonishingly low even in a "normal" state). If I *don't* excuse myself to the bathroom and instead sit at the table and toughen it out, I enter into an INTENSE sweat, then I start feeling cold.

I've always told myself "*it's just in your head*" but frankly that piece of advise has NEVER made this horrible feeling go away. The only options are to vomit, or sweat it out.

I want to clarify that I don't show bulimic patterns. Once this horrible feeling leaves my body I'm able to eat again. Any advice?

---

[Help] What do you do when sick? Do you let yourself eat? [Help]
/u/lileruneal
Created: Sun Jun 4 11:58:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8pyk/what_do_you_do_when_sick_do_you_let_yourself_eat/
---
So I've caught a nasty cold (thanks BF), and it's been pretty bad probably because I've been restricting and stressed so my immune system is weak.

But honestly I'm so torn between wanting to eat so I can get better faster and then get back to exercising and restricting. And then the other part of my brain is like no you should embrace the lack of hunger from this cold and drop a few more pounds!!

I'm going on vacation in 4 days and that involves a 30 hour flight (broken into two smaller flights) so I reaaaally don't want to be sick while traveling like that cause it's already hard on my body and mind haha. And I'm working the next four days and can't call out cause there's no one to pick up my shifts so rest is not an option.

I ate 1000 calories yesterday and felt like a failure so today I'm aiming for my usual 500. Idk, any tips/tricks for dealing with a cold (not medical advice) but just how to balance getting better and eating?

---

[Other] Here's a shit poem I wrote after purging alone the other day and edited in a weird headspace last night I think it's about my transition from restriction to bulimia. Needed to get it out.
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun Jun 4 10:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8bbm/heres_a_shit_poem_i_wrote_after_purging_alone_the/
---
My veins and my brains
Run on fear and diet cola
It's all in my head
But they can see me

Breathe in - sip - breathe out
You're allowed to keep this down

Heart beats faster
Take a bite
Heart beats faster
Swallow

Breathe in - sip - breathe out
You shouldn't keep this down

The porcelain king
Take a bow
A callused ring
Lose it

Breathe in - slip - breathe out
Your body tumbling down

Heart beats slower
Slower now
Heartbeat's over
Over

My screams and my dreams
Run on peace and diet cola
It's all in my head
And they can't hear me

---

[Discussion] What do you hate seeing in ED stories/books and what do you wish you saw more of?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 10:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f85vv/what_do_you_hate_seeing_in_ed_storiesbooks_and/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] My fucked up goals and me
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Jun 4 09:38:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7xz0/my_fucked_up_goals_and_me/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave

So I had dreams about food again. When I fast I always binge in my dreams. It's weird waking up and double checking to make sure it was a dream. I was thinking about my fucked up ED goals and I guess I will share them because maybe people can relate or tell my my goals are fucked up and I'm crazy. Either way here we go.

To be able to walk across wood floors without hearing the wood creak

To be able to take three bites from a plate and feel satisfied and full

To be able to drink again and not fear getting a ponch or gut

To be able to cook pretty snacks and foods and actually enjoy them and be ok if I don't finish things instead of having perfectionist tendencies about leaving a clean plate and not wasting food

To be scouted as a model or a photography muse, I've seen people skinnier and taller than me get scouted cause my city is relatively fashionable.

To be able to wear women's pants, jeans and shirts again without looking like a sausage casing.

To be able to wear European and more Avante garde clothes that usually come in limited smaller sizing,

To wear a size 0 in woman's jeans. And have skinny jeans remain slightly baggy.

To have prominent hip bones, collar bones, ribs, elbows, knees, tendons, shoulders.

To have slimmer fingers that don't make so many fucking typos when texting and posting stuff on mobile.

To fit in small chairs and be able to cross my legs like when people sit on the floor sometimes,

To have people wonder if I am on drugs or even eat at all and take my ED serious

To be undisputedly underweight with a bmi of 16 or 17. To be underweight by mens and women's standards

To have extra small clothes seem large on me

To be able to complain about clothes never being small enough.

To be smaller/thinner than girls who are shorter than me and for them so resent me for it.

To be smaller than my younger brother who's always been close to underweight and on the slim athletic side.

To be the thinner person at my current work place or any in the future.

To be able to tuck in shirts and tee shirts without any hint of a muffin top.

To be able to go swimming again and not fear not wearing a shirt.

To be able to Pierce my bellybutton and nipples again and not look like a fucking cow.

To get chest tattoos and stuff on my ribs and stomach.

To be so skinny people question my health.

To be envied, hated and desired by different people.

To get rid of most of my clothes cause even for oversized they are too big.

To weight 110 to 115lbs or even less

To never have a muffin top in any kind of bottoms

To have a thigh gap. Don't know why this one is so far down the list it's very important to me.

To survive on super small portions when I do eat and save money on groceries

To fit the measurements to be a model minus height because I am too short at 5"9'.


These are most of my fucked up goals that come to mind. Curious if anyone can relate or what others goals are.

Willow.

---

[Other] I guess pets do resemble their owners
/u/xParabola [5'7 | HW: 171 | CW: 146.4 | 22.94 | -24.6 | 21F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 09:19:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7upj/i_guess_pets_do_resemble_their_owners/
---
My cat literally just ate all of his food, threw it up on the carpet minutes after

*and then came back whining for more*

lmao seriously i've never related to my cat so much

---

[Rant/Rave] GUYS I AM FREAKING OUT
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Sun Jun 4 08:59:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7qyd/guys_i_am_freaking_out/
---
I broke 120!!! I weighed in at 118.6lbs this morning. I've lost almost ten pounds in three weeks! This is the thinnest I've been in over three years. I still have a long way to go but I'm feeling pretty accomplished right now!

---

[Discussion] How does exercise factor in/ or effect your ED?
/u/jujubeanisland
Created: Sun Jun 4 08:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7gzq/how_does_exercise_factor_in_or_effect_your_ed/
---
Do people here exercise? How does it factor into your ED? I find that light exercise reduces my hunger but heavy exercise makes me hungrier.

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 4 06:12:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f71qc/daily_food_diary_june_04_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 4 06:10:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f71l3/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

---

[Discussion] Who are you really jealous of right now?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 05:57:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f6zpp/who_are_you_really_jealous_of_right_now/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] vegetarian daily food diary/log/journal
/u/gay_debord
Created: Sun Jun 4 02:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f6cdw/vegetarian_daily_food_diarylogjournal/
---
Hi. I'm new here; this is actually my first reddit post.

I've searched the group and checked the FAQ, so I hope I didn't miss any obvious answer to this post.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any blogs or articles that lay out a vegetarian food log/diary. It doesn't need to be updated, just a week's worth or month's worth would be great for reference.

I've searched in the past, but all that tends to turn up are fancy "oh I went vegetarian briefly and made elaborate vegetarian food every day this week! Look!"

But what I need is just an honest, basic log of things that people eat every day.

The daily food diary thing here is awesome, so I'm definitely going to look through those for the non-meat entries. But I still think it'd be nice to just have a quick multi-day reference all in one spot.


A *very* little bit about me:

* I've been vegetarian for my whole life.

* I'm very quickly relapsing into extremely minimal eating patterns.

The latter is probably due to a sudden changes in my work/sleep/living situations and, to understate the severity, it sucks.

Thank u let me know if I should edit anything or redirect my inquiry.

---

[Rant/Rave] Coworker is bringing me out to watch a movie tonight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 02:01:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f6ae4/coworker_is_bringing_me_out_to_watch_a_movie/
---
[deleted]

---

My coworker is bringing me out to watch a movie
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jun 4 01:53:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f69jv/my_coworker_is_bringing_me_out_to_watch_a_movie/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I want to wither away so that someone will worry
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun Jun 4 00:21:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5zl9/i_want_to_wither_away_so_that_someone_will_worry/
---
Nobody thinks rapid weight loss is an issue if you're overweight

Nobody cares if you skip a meal when it's a diet

Puking is a good weight loss strategy when you need to lose weight

Maybe when my body begins to crumble, someone will finally believe that I'm sick.

---

[Rant/Rave] PMS aka I can't stop eating send help
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F 🌱]
Created: Sat Jun 3 23:31:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5tfs/pms_aka_i_cant_stop_eating_send_help/
---
I'm trying so hard to stay under 1000 today (period day 2) and tbh I don't know if I can manage it. Like I'm not even hungry I just want to eat everything in my whole house. I've had a giant amount of vegetables just so I can eat a large volume and keep my mouth occupied. I just had some crackers and hummus because I was like maybe I'm craving carbs/fats?? Now I'm going to nap until like 5pm because I have a 200 cal dinner planned and it's only juST going to fit in at this stage. And what if I want to eat more after that 😂. Fml ok will update as the situation changes.

Edit: I worked out that I've eaten approx 1kg total of vegetables and watermelon today lmao

Edit 2: Just woke up and it's 5pm. Bout to make dinner then hit the shops to buy twelve hundred types of different diet drinks to keep myself occupied. (Ty cocionut)

Edit 3: Dinner was next level delicious and I was stressed about having to eat rice but I ended up being able to substitute cauliflower rice which made my night. I'm full and happy and under 1k cal. 😌

Edit 4: We all wish that could have been the end but nOOooOooo I b/p'd for fuCks sake. That was my first binge as a vegan and it was fucking weird 🤔

---

[Other] Another abstract poem titled "monster"
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 3 23:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5r3j/another_abstract_poem_titled_monster/
---
On mobile so please Flair inspo/rant/rave.

Trigger warning: self harm, suicidal ideation, ED symptoms

I want to open up my veins like the unfinished novel and see the Crimson humanity, to feel something with cause instead of speculation,

To be blown by the wind like the cartoon skeleton I imagine in goth micky mouse cartoons. Call me bones and skin,

I want to feel control beyond what I possess within me, and not cave to weakness like the child that never was.

Spending minutes in the bathroom trying ever so hard to see what isn't there and and punching the mirror into tiny spreads cutting knuckles that would later great my throat. Choking on the iron of my own blood.

Tossing back and forth in an empty bed, lying awake thinking of nourishment dancing on a deprived pallette and audibly curse "no"

A mental vagabond on a journey with which the end and destination is not ad pretty as my mind describes it,

Bare feet are cut by gravel, arms are scraped by tree branded and bones buckle under the cold breeze of the might for what? To feel lighter than air. To care.

Without all I do is interrogate and punish. What information are you hiding from me you fucking bastard? Why can't I have this.

Take it all but leave me this, let me fill a canyon with my tears and drown. Slowly slipping into the void,

When the day begins for others all I do is think about the end, do I shave my fave or cross the highway so subtly draw in blue across arm, dying the bathroom floor a pretty scarlet,

Only to leave an ugly corpse, maybe this is a extreme but to escape it seems only but a dream, screaming through shit lips for help that doesn't arrive.


Willow

---

[Rant/Rave] I just want thunderstorms, not thunder thighs
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Sat Jun 3 23:11:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5qwj/i_just_want_thunderstorms_not_thunder_thighs/
---
I'm looking forward to watching summer storms with my bf from our balcony in our apartment

BUT I WANNA DO IT WITH A FUCKING THIGH GAP

I wanna be able to hear the thunder over my thighs ugh

Edit: I'm on mobile, flair rant

Sorry for bitching, y'all, I'm tired and cranky and feel gross bc I just binged/am still binging

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] I need help. Do I need help?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 22:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5nvg/rant_i_need_help_do_i_need_help/
---
I haven't posted on here in a while. I've been eating normally THANK GOD. it's been going well. Ups and downs. I'm back because you guys are always there to support me. 💜

Anyways, I've come to ask for help sort of. Ive been wondering if I need to go back to therapy. I used to go for mild depression and some slight anxiety. I'm much better now though. But I think it's coming back. You see I'm naturally not the most attractive person. I've got a pretty ok body I guess, not great but not terrible. Shitty hair but it can be managed. Etc. But my facial structure is really not good at all. I have more flaws on my face than I have good things. +big nose. +weird lips +flat eyebrows too close to eyes +skin that flares up red around my nose only super easily. I'm just so goddam ugly. Everything else I can *change.* I can tan, whiten my teeth, work out, cut calories, by prettier clothes, all things I've done to reach perfection. But I can't change my face. All of this is why I need someone to talk to. It's making me hate myself. I'm assuming I must have some degree of BDD because I hate my body so much. **I've never been called pretty or beautiful outside of parents or people being polite.** (i.e. asking a friend "am I pretty?" "Oh of course you are!!") **No one has ever had a crush on me or liked me.** (except one creepy neckbeard-y type guy, but that doesn't count) **Guys have never been interested in me.** Girls have never commented on my looks. All things that probably contributed to making me develop the ED habits in the first place. And it sucks because I feel like I do at least have average looks. I'm pretty sure I'm not downright *ugly* (despite what my mind would like me to believe.) So why don't I feel (and look) pretty and confident like all the other girls? I don't understand what is wrong with me.

**TLDR: I know I'll never be able to achieve perfection. And it's slowly killing me.**

P.S. I love you guys. Words cannot express my thanks. You all are so much more than the sufferers of eating disorders. You guys are strong and brave and beautiful and supportive and have helped me so many times even if you're unaware of it. Thanks.

---

My current bod, but I'm still so unhappy with it :'(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 22:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5jib/my_current_bod_but_im_still_so_unhappy_with_it/
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https://i.redd.it/4tglcdxn1k1z.jpg

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[Help] Ramadan
/u/TheGlitterMahdi [5'4" | 200lbs | 35 | -90lbs | Dude]
Created: Sat Jun 3 22:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5jh7/ramadan/
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Is anyone else here Muslim (or interfaith) and fasting for Ramadan? I've gained 5 lbs this past week and it's driving me crazy. By the time evening prayer is over, I'm so hungry that even with a protein-rich, 500 cal iftar I can't seem to stop snacking at night. It's so messed up because I wasn't having this problem before Ramadan; I was able to keep myself under 800 cals a day no problem. And it's not like I'm doing community iftars or anything, so I can control my intake and the foods I'm eating much better than in the past.

I don't know. I feel wicked bad about it all. Like I'm supposed to be focusing on my faith and on serving those around me and it's supposed to be this time of renewal and rebirth. And instead I'm just crushed every single morning when I step on that scale or put my clothes on, feeling like a complete failure, unable to focus on really anything but my body.

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[Discussion] Have you guys seen Desperately Hungry Housewives | Only Human?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sat Jun 3 20:31:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f533b/have_you_guys_seen_desperately_hungry_housewives/
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[Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_NS6IcTma8)

It's like a mini documentary (About 50 minutes long) about older women with eating disorders. I thought it was decent and couldn't find anything on the sub about it.

---

[Other] Not-so-thin-spo of Black women
/u/strongerthanyouknow [5'5" |145 |24.4 | -12 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 20:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f514r/notsothinspo_of_black_women/
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The albums in [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/6f1nvr/surprise_butterscotch_dazzle_dazzle/diesdwt/) comment blow my mind.

Lots of people on here are looking towards being waifs and nonfeminene. However, I very much want to be a bombshell; absolutely gorgeous with curves and fat that is only in the right places.

I've tried thinspo but it doesn't appeal to me. I like thin, but only when it's bonespo. Athletic is too masculine, and fat is just gross. I have a typical black body build (pear shaped with a small waist) and feel like nothing that is mainstream will ever look good on me. This album is perfect because it's full of women that have muscle tone to make the fat they have left perfect. These images have ignited a fire in my soul.

Today I binged watched youtube videos of people trading their fat for muscle. The type where people don't necessarily lose weight but still drop clothing sizes and look 100x better because they exercise alongside restriction.

I am so excited y'all!!!

DAE have an ideal body type that isn't common here?

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[Help] Calories in Nyquil?
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Sat Jun 3 19:44:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4vjn/calories_in_nyquil/
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Too anxious to sleep and just really need to not think about life for a while so about to take some nyquil to sleep. The only reason I didn't take it earlier is because I was worried about the calories in it. Why am I like this.

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[Rant/Rave] This is the lowest weight I've been in ~15 years, what?!
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Sat Jun 3 19:38:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4upi/this_is_the_lowest_weight_ive_been_in_15_years/
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I just realized a minute ago just how freaking long it's been since I've weighted 171 like I did this morning. I was 20 years old in 2002 and had just completed Army basic training + Mechanic school 😧

Holy crap I'm old but also I feel like breaking down now that I realize just how much of my life has passed me by since then. I'm not anywhere close to where my mind thinks I should be but jfc that's a long time to try and fight my way back down even that far. I remember back then being so stoked to look thinner, closer to being tiny like I was in 6&7th grade. But the stress of adult life just took over and for 15 years I ate basically everything and hated myself for undoing that opportunity to see bones again. Or if I tried to lose to fix myself I'd just not eat at all and try to haul my fat ass around a running track and that wasn't sustainable for long either.

I guess I'm torn between happiness that I might not be hopeless after all, and sad that I lost so many years because of it. But I guess it's good overall. At least I might be back in "you look too skinny" territory because that's what people used to say even though my BMI was barely under the medically overweight line. I really hope I can hear that again.

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[Rant/Rave] Can't even use Facebook anymore 🙃🙃🙃
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Sat Jun 3 18:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4mwo/cant_even_use_facebook_anymore/
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Literally anytime I log on it's nearly 100% food videos. I try to block them as I see them but there are so many different pages it's impossible to clear them all out 😔

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[Discussion] TMI and kind of gross question? [Discussion]
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 193lb | 23.9 | -57lb | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 18:01:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4eod/tmi_and_kind_of_gross_question_discussion/
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Okay so last night I got really, really sick. So I threw up. I'd had cake maybe an hour or two before, and most of it seemed to come back up (I'm sorry I know this is so gross!!). I was wondering if the calories would have already been absorbed at that point? Or am I good, since it seemed like it wasn't digested yet? I wasn't trying to purge, and this happened probably an hour after I ate the cake.

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[Rant/Rave] My envy is so green it would give AL Gore a boner...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 3 17:55:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4dqk/my_envy_is_so_green_it_would_give_al_gore_a_boner/
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On mobile please flair as rant/rave.

So I'm on day three of fasting. Trying to get down to my pre binge week weight and also just don't feel like eating. The pleasure I derive from eating is so temporary. I think it is absolutely bonkers something meant to be a human necessity could make me feel so shitty. I jokingly tell people I'm allergic too food because whenever I have it my body swells up and my clothes don't fit.

Working at a vegan greasy spoon restaurant is torture because of all the beautiful delicious things I make for others I have yet to allow myself anything save for three occasions in the two months I've been here where I instantly regretted eating and felt the food sat too long and didn't seem worth it to me. Food shouldn't be something that is worth it or not it's supposed to be fuel at least that is what every fitizen says. My body has enough in its reserves to last me a while.

My coworkers seem to be able to moderate at make wise choices never having anything too heavy and when they do not eating the entirety of the plate. I don't trust myself for a second because I know I am sick.

For some reason I get a sick kick out of making food in hopes people will get fat. I always wanted to move somewhere that average would be considered skinny by comparison to the obesity segment of the popupation.

I have a coworker who recently started. She is quite large. That is the nicest way I could put it without going off on a mean derogatory tangent. The last few days I have cooked her employee meals (which I make as cook btw) are far from sensible. Being the awful person I am everyone I think B this is why you are fat. And honestly kudos cause I don't know very many obese vegans you are on a whole nother level.

Other coworkers of mine seem to eat whatever and do fine. I just can't see myself eating comfortably at work. Food slows me down and makes me feel sluggish. I have another coworker who's been a thinspiration. They are shorter and very petite and have this aesthetic I would die for. Tattoos or more than me. Always in Avante garden type clothes even though they are bound to get fucked up in the kitchen of all places. Just the other day they wore a Yohji yammamotto top like it was no big deal. He is a pretty interesting designer known for comfy oversized stuff that tends to look better on smaller bodies.

I lurked progress pics this morning and last night and normally it gives me some motivation but all I could think is that out of the people still look fat after losing weight.

This morning I Google stalked a bunch of celebrities and musicians to find their height and weight which I know there can't be very reliable sources for that. It bothered me because no one seemed close to my goal weight at all. Yes some where taller but even the ones my height were not much lighter only 15 pounds or so and here I am trying to drop 60 to 70 pounds.

It put my illness into some perspective. How crazy am I? How can I do this to myself. What I would give to be normal and just be able to eat like my coworkers minus the token fat one who makes me want to gag.

I want to be model-esque and thin. I want my clothes to cling for dear life to my bones, I want people to taunt and tease me about not gaining weight. I want to be desired and adored and also hated.

Here's to another day of depravity
I hope everyone else is taking care of themselves. I am trying to say the least. I ultimately have no desire to eat.

I am scared though because I only have today and tomorrow left in my work week and I always feel week on my days off.

Wish me luck and good vibes. At 7pm pacific time it will have been 72 hours.

Willow.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Food doesn't make me happy anymore
/u/confusinghappiness
Created: Sat Jun 3 15:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f3knl/rant_food_doesnt_make_me_happy_anymore/
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So for the past year or two I've choked down my anxiety with binging and purging and fasting and more binging. I've reached a new HW and I just....I feel awful. I'm kind of trying to get back into restriction which works for maybe a week at most. The anxiety makes me sit for hours debating eating to shut my already anxious thoughts up...and debating fasting to lose the anxiety of possible weight gain. My brain is just stuck in a vicious cycle of panic and I'm so over it. I feel like if I'm not eating, I definitely should be. But if I am eating I'm a disgusting pig. I can't win. And the kicker: binging isn't even helping me feel less anxious anymore. Food isn't my quick happiness fix. How did that happen?? So now I'm stuck in constant depression with nothing to shove down my throat and make me feel good. I should be happy. This is what I want, right? But I just feel worse, really. I'm so lost. The joke of it all is I'm somehow maintaining when I don't wanna be so I just feel so fucking invalidated. Damn. Felt good to type that into the void. This was probably the most inchorent post ever yikes my bad.

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[Other] Trying to do something
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 15:13:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f3jvi/trying_to_do_something/
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I've been so afraid of actually eating I've gone to the other extreme and binging and purging way too often. So I'm back to high restriction today to get back on track.

It's so fucking weird that my fear of food manifests in only being okay with it if I wind up purging. Because today, eating with the game plan of keeping it down makes the whole prospect of food terrifying. But I was losing on high restriction consistently so I want to go back to that.

Ugh. This shit is fucking exhausting.

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[Discussion] DAE feel 10 times worse after going into a dressing room/trying on new clothes?
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Sat Jun 3 14:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f3ayi/dae_feel_10_times_worse_after_going_into_a/
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I had to go clothes shopping recently for summer clothes and whilst I was getting undressed my body seemed so unfamiliar. Perhaps it was due to the really bright lights, I don't know. I felt as if though I just gained so much weight, when I knew that wasn't the case because I had weighed myself that same morning and my weight didn't go up.

Every time I go clothes shopping I remember why I hate it so much lol

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[Discussion] My psychologist gave me a referral to a dietitian
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 14:14:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f38zz/my_psychologist_gave_me_a_referral_to_a_dietitian/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] My psychologist gave me a referral to a dietician
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 14:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f37gt/my_psychologist_gave_me_a_referral_to_a_dietician/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "Illnesses get better."
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f35r5/illnesses_get_better/
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Me: *makes offhand comment about my craziness*

SO: You are always so convinced that you have a mental illness.

Me: I've been *diagnosed*. Do you really think I'm not mentally ill? How else can you possibly look at it?

SO: ...

Me: I'm genuinely curious what you think.

SO: Well even if you are mentally ill, illnesses get better, and--

Me: Not always.

I realize that I post on here a lot, and I talk about my SO a lot too. (My life is very boring right now, haha.) But I have been realizing more and more lately how he really does not understand my brain. (And how much I interrupt him, yeesh.) He cares, yes, but even after two years together, he doesn't get it. I am never going to be "better." I can't be fixed with hugs and kisses.

In a way I love how innocent he is about it. He has had such a hard life so far, but his brain is just wired for happiness. He finds so much joy in the world that even at the worst times he can laugh and find things worth living for. But there us something lonely about it for me, because it's sinking in how much he really doesn't understand. And how much I need to communicate so that he knows what he's in for. We're doomed if he thinks I'm going to get "better."

On mobile and not sure what to flair as. Other, maybe?

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[Rant/Rave] Hotel waffle maker has me fucked up
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:39:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f32g9/hotel_waffle_maker_has_me_fucked_up/
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The nutritional information for this hotel chain's breakfast bar lists a Belgian waffle as 218 calories. There are also several listings of "make your own" Belgian waffles at hotels at 230 calories.

However, what exactly is this data going off of? It literally just occurred to me that the waffle I ate hours ago just seemed too fluffy/full to be in the range of 200-ish calories. They just gave you a paper cup to pour the batter in, like every other breakfast buffet I've seen...where on earth did they get 217 calories from? I feel like this information is deceptive...

**tl;dr; Waffles have fucked with the wrong eating disordered waste of space.**

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[Rant/Rave] fasting, i guess???
/u/indogyearsimdead [✨ 5'5" | 105 | 17.68 | -51 | F✨]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:30:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f30rt/fasting_i_guess/
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i worked this morning, and during my break i couldn't decide on a breakfast snack so i ended up just not eating anything and now i'm home and my partner will be gone all day so i guess i'm fasting y'all!! i've been at a pretty steady weight for a while so all of this seems like a sign / the nudge i need to lose some of this. wish me luck 🌷

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[Discussion] Birth Control
/u/DisguisedAsMe [5'3" | 115 lbs | BMI: 20.93| -13.7 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2wqe/birth_control/
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Now, I knew that potential weight gain was a side effect when I tried birth control. I never had an issue with what I was taking and then my insurance switched it up on me. I have gained 10 lbs in the past 2 weeks. Now I don't know if I should stop taking it or what but I literally cried because I feel like a whale in a bikini. Has anyone else dealt with this? Also, what types of birth control have worked best for you guys? I am open to paying more and switching lol

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[Rant/Rave] I hate my ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 12:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2tdi/i_hate_my_ed/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I just discovered Bai drinks
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:48:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2h8t/i_just_discovered_bai_drinks/
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I don't know if I'm crazy late with this, but I just tried Bai for the first time. So basically it's an "antioxidant drink" that's 10 cals per bottle. It's got some electrolytes, caffeine, and it actually tastes good??? Idk how healthy it really is, but it's pretty good.

I'm excited cause usually when I try these drinks (eg, the sparkling ice or whatever, hint, etc) they taste like water or nothing or nasty. But this one is actually yummy. Anyway, the one I tried was a pineapple coconut flavor and it immediately made me think SMOOTHIES. I think the different flavors would work great in smoothies.

But what I'm really excited about is the idea of using it to make an alcoholic drink. I think mixing it with some coconut rum and some ice in a blender would make a super delicious and low cal Pina colada slushie thing!!!! I'm crazy excited to try this cause sweet cocktails are my jam.

Anyway, like I said, I might be years late with this revelation, but I haven't seen anything about it on here so I thought I'd rave about it a little.

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[Rant/Rave] I have zero doubts about the realness of my monster anymore [rant]
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:40:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2frf/i_have_zero_doubts_about_the_realness_of_my/
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tw: drugs, bad trips

So, the other night I tripped on 100ug of acid with my boyfriend and a friend. No big deal, I've tripped before. I was actually pretty excited. The whole things was going okay, until I found myself in the bathroom.

The infamous fucking mirror.

The mirror is a bad idea for ANYONE taking LSD, but imagine standing The for an hour, clutching your body fat until it hurts, having your inner demon manifest into a real person before your eyes, screaming at you for doing this to them. I hate my boobs like nothing else now; I've never hated them that much, but they're like cow udders to me now. I hate them. They take up space and I want them gone. My stomach, my thighs, I've SEEN how good I'd look without them, even if I've never been underweight in real life. I've seen what I look like bony and tiny, that's the REAL me, and she was so... angry at me.

And then I started bawling for another hour, because I realized I'll never be able to escape my own head, and that no one on this earth has said anything so awful that it can even be compared to the things I've said to myself. No one has ever been so cruel to me, and I would NEVER be so cruel to someone else.

And yet, I'm still overweight.

Fuck, I need emotional help.

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[Discussion] What are your subtle, not-so-subtle eating habits that people may have picked up on?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:27:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2d86/what_are_your_subtle_notsosubtle_eating_habits/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My new clothes already don't fit
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:16:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2b0r/my_new_clothes_already_dont_fit/
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A couple weeks ago my friends and I went to the mall to get new clothes and I got a pair of jeans. I put them on this morning and they are huge? I can fit both of my fists in the waistband... (These aren't stretchy) And I can't return them since I've already worn them. The shirts I got as well are also starting to look a little baggy, even though they looked more fitted when I got them. :/

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[Discussion] How much water do you usually drink?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:07:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f29cv/how_much_water_do_you_usually_drink/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Doomed to fatness forever
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:00:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f27vo/doomed_to_fatness_forever/
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I was doing well and then I went in vacation. My SO loves to eat horribly while on vacation, but he never seems to gain weight from it. Needless to say he ordered pulled pork nachos, fried Oreos (2 separate times), fried Twinkie and twister fries. It was a super calorific weekend in the mountains and his reasoning was that we were hiking 6 plus hours a day so the food affect us. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I have self control unless the food is right in front of me. I sat there staring at those Oreos and I wanted them so so bad. We ended up halting everything we ordered, but I still had so much. I am disgusting. At this rate I'll never ever lose weight. I'm up 3 ish pounds and it's horrifying. I've been trying to get back to the gym and once my work schedule gets to normal I'll have a solid schedule and I can spend every Friday working out all day 😁

It's so frustrating to be with someone that legitimately enjoys food and doesn't think twice about ordering total shit. It's also not fair that he never gains an ounce from it..

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[Discussion] I dreamt that somebody called me disgusting
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sat Jun 3 09:55:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1vwx/i_dreamt_that_somebody_called_me_disgusting/
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I don't know why this is bothering me so much :( In the dream, we were in class and this guy I've never seen before (but kinda looks like Joel from CNCO) turns around and says "You're the most disgusting thing I've ever seen".

Then the dream-me started saying stuff like "wow man that's rude" or "I'm not disgusting why tf would you say that".

I usually don't read much into dreams but idk, it sounded like I was talking to myself in this. The part of me that always tells me that I'm ugly and not even worth looking at, and the other part that knows that I'm fine.

Have you guys had any interesting dreams lately?

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[Rant/Rave] "You look thinner but I don't know it it's a good thing"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 09:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1shx/you_look_thinner_but_i_dont_know_it_its_a_good/
---
I saw a friend last night that I hadn't seen in a month. He said I looked like I had lost weight since the last time he saw me and I was skeptical and looked at MFP and I was literally exactly the same weight. Maybe my outfit was more flattering? Who knows, I'll take it.

BUT THEN, he just said I look really different from when he first met me, just different and thinner and smaller but he didn't know if it was a good thing. Like ???? I think I've mentioned this in a previous comment, but why comment on someone's body if it's negative? I'm right in the middle of the healthy BMI range, it's not like I'm 5'5 and 3 pounds. I just looked, and I was about 10 lb heavier when we met (2 years ago) but it's not like I haven't seen him since then, we see each other pretty regularly.

Ugh, so frustrating. So then I had about 1,000 of those fruity tiny shots that barely have any alcohol in them. Lol.

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[Rant/Rave] "You look healthy"
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 09:27:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1qpl/you_look_healthy/
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Today I binged which I NEVER do and basically cried via text about how I'm disgusting fat fuck and he says (which not long ago he's been concerned with my health)

He said the magic words

"You are looking super healthy"

I am defeated, a failure, a fuck up. I DONT WANT to look "super healthy" that is fat average "normal" and everything I'm working and have been working so hard not to be.

I'm so fucking depressed.

Healthy
Fat

Does anyone feel like this or something?

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[Discussion] when you reach your goal weight, do you think you are going to eat at maintenence?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jun 3 08:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1cyr/when_you_reach_your_goal_weight_do_you_think_you/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 3 06:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0vvd/stupid_questions_saturday_june_03_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 03, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 3 06:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0vse/daily_food_diary_june_03_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for June 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Thinspo] ANTM
/u/hh_lb
Created: Sat Jun 3 06:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0ur1/antm/
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I started watching season 19 and Victoria when she's not eating and constantly working out and insisting she doesn't have an ED I'm just like oh boy but at the same time like GOALS. She looks so small and inspires my restriction. What are your fav seasons? ANTM is like my ultimate thinspo and I just started binge watching it (lol instead of food binges)

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Unachievable body image
/u/torchythetorchic [5'0 | 95 lbs | NB/F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 05:32:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0qyy/rant_unachievable_body_image/
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I hate it when people say that being skinny is unrealistic and unachievable. No its not! Anyone can lose weight.

You know what is actually unachievable for a lot of people? Being tall :(

I hate that all thinspo is for tall people.

I hate that all clothes are made for tall people.

When fat people say that skinny girls never cry in dressing rooms because they can't find clothes that fit. Bullshit.

Anyone can lose weight (I'm not saying it's easy - just saying it's doable) but it's physically impossible for me to look like "those girls" and it's killing me.

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[Rant/Rave] "It's embarrassing how much effort I put into taking a picture for you..."
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 04:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0l6j/its_embarrassing_how_much_effort_i_put_into/
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"...when I know I will delete each one bc I hate myself."

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[Rant/Rave] I have been at my GW for weeks.
/u/bir_die [🌸 5'8" | 118.4 | 17.81 | GW: 117 | 23 Bird 🌸]
Created: Sat Jun 3 01:36:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f00wb/i_have_been_at_my_gw_for_weeks/
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Technically a little under.

I was finally able to accurately see how my scales read and one is perfect, one adds a pound.

I've been adding three to my weigh-ins.

So now I'm freaking out and cramming a pan of browniecookies down my throat as I contemplate my existence and recovery and the fact I've BEEN a 15 BMI but don't see it at all and Jesus Christ. I don't even know what to do with myself and this information. Not updating my flair until Monday, though. That is the Rule.

God. 104.9. W h a t. And it's still! Not! Enough!

I am going to rip this ED out of my head because it is literally going to kill me.

In other news: the brookie thing you can get from the walmart bakery section is subpar at best. 5/10 would not say worth the binge. (But I am eating all of them anyway).

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[Rant/Rave] Basically losing it at this point
/u/60785049
Created: Sat Jun 3 01:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f00et/basically_losing_it_at_this_point/
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Long time lurker, occasional poster on many different alts that I keep forgetting since I go months before I feel shit enough to post and here I am again.

I am losing it right now. I have had as terrible year as I expected to last summer (grad school in a new country in a program my abusive parents chose for me that is diametrically opposed to what I am actually interested in, with boyfriend on the other side of the world). My main coping mechanism has been binge eating so I've ended up gaining 40 pounds in the last 12 months.

I am sickened with myself. I haven't been this fat since I was in high school and developed all my body dysmorphia and ED, and it is crushing to be back here again. I hate my body. I don't fit in any of my clothes at this point, but i can't go shopping or I'll have an anxiety attack in the changing room. I can't be naked around my boyfriend when he comes to visit or let him touch me which is just straining the relationship even more than my already crippling depression. I keep picking at my skin like crazy because all the sugar is making me break out. I keep pinching at my arms and thighs and face and neck and stomach and just wishing I could rip chunks away till I was thin.

I wish I looked as fragile on the outside as I am on the inside. Maybe if I was waif thin people would want to help me, and understand what I'm going through. I've gone without a psychiatrist for over a year now, after just being diagnosed with BP II so that hasn't helped, and the prozac just made me hungrier and more tired.

I have two more exams till my program is over (aside from the dissertation), and only this week have I even made friends because I spent all year so depressed I never went out. I hate myself. I'm losing my youth to this and I don't have the self control to just starve myself better for more than a few days.

Sorry this is so long. I figured people here might be the only ones who would understand.

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[Other] Pandora made a mistake
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat Jun 3 01:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezx6i/pandora_made_a_mistake/
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https://i.redd.it/w65mncjaqd1z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I am a wreck and things can only get worse.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 23:15:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezjjc/i_am_a_wreck_and_things_can_only_get_worse/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] the curse of tits.
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 22:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezdn7/the_curse_of_tits/
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i wear a size 30D. i can never have that beautiful flat chest with many rib bones showing. it drives me crazy. anyone else?

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[Help] My gums are bleeding?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Jun 2 22:22:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezbzy/my_gums_are_bleeding/
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OK so I'm bulimic and I purge on the daily and I try to keep my teeth healthy or...as less damaged as I could (baking soda rinse, floss daily, mouthwash with fluoride, all that shit) but SHIT FUCKING
MY GUMS ARE BLEEDING IN THIS ONE AREA AND THERE IS LIKE A HARD THING IN BETWEEN IS THIS FUCKING GINGIVITIS

I fucking hate bulimia
I can't even
I'm gonna try to restrict but I probably will not do so well IDK

help guys calm me down please I'm so mad at myself WHY DID I EVEN START 7 YEARS AGO LOL IM SO DED THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO MEE this will break me down and my self concept depends on teeth and thinness. I dunno Im freakin

NEVER start purging NEVER NEVER NEVER its the grossest thing to get used to

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[Thinspo] Thinspo 💎
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 21:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ez13b/thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/z2jfjknqkc1z.jpg

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[Help] How do you just... stop eating?
/u/RokkitQueen
Created: Fri Jun 2 18:54:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eye93/how_do_you_just_stop_eating/
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[removed]

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[Other] Aha! The human trash bag strikes again!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:37:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exp4b/aha_the_human_trash_bag_strikes_again/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] none of my shorts fit!
/u/starskyandspring [5'6 • cw: sad • -20ish • gw: 113 • 20F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:28:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exnaa/none_of_my_shorts_fit/
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i'm currently trying to get dressed to go out tonight with my friends and it's ~80 degrees so i'm thinking shorts, right? i recently brought all my shorts from last summer out and was excited to wear them. i just tried on 3 pairs and every single one is HUGE on me! literally won't stay up. i am FREAKING out

while i'm sad i can't wear shorts tonight and i have to buy an entire new wardrobe of shorts at some point, i'm beaming. i feel so good about myself! i haven't had a moment like this in forever and had to share with someone :)

happy weekend everyone!

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[Rant/Rave] |Rant| 'Constructive' Instagram comments
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |113.2 | -106.8 | GW: 110 | UGW:100 | 20A]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:26:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exmq1/rant_constructive_instagram_comments/
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I have a daily food diary account on Instagram that I use to log my meals on/along w/ mfp, loseit, *and* the daily one on here lol, #neurotic/ and have received several comments on my posts recently that are all like 'just so you *knooow*, blah blah starvation mode, 1200 is the minimum blah blah' and they're driving me insane.
I don't do high restriction, most days I'm between 550-800, and these people make me want to restrict even further to prove a point sometimes. Oh hey, lookit me eating 200 calories a day and not gaining weight, how can this be??? Maybe it's a thing called fucking cico?? Maybe my body is expending more energy than it's consuming?? Maybe science?? No? You just want to tell me that I'm being unhealthy under the guise of 'constructive concern' so you can preach your ideals and myths? Okcoolthx good talk.

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[Rant/Rave] Yeahhh I can't do this
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 108.0 | 21.31 | -76 | F 🌸]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:11:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exjrx/yeahhh_i_cant_do_this/
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I tried to eat more. I stopped tracking for a whole week. I got my period, felt pretty great. My anxiety noticeably decreased, and chest pains are non existent. This past week I've been semi tracking, but eating at 1300 everyday.

Physically I feel pretty good, and it's like one half of my brain is feeling awesome too. But there's a part of me that is losing its shit. I don't have a routine, I feel like I am completely out of control. I feel like a fucking loser. I actually completely forgot to do TWO different major assignments for classes. I don't ever forget to take care of school shit!! Ever!!! I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm not restricting, I'm not strictly watching my intake, and I feel like a piece of me is missing.

Fuck I feel like crap. I have to start restricting again. I need a plan again.

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[Help] I'm visiting my boyfriend and I don't know how to hide all of my weird food habits???
/u/Lets_leave_theparty [5'9 | CW: 185 | 27.3 | GW: 140 | 20F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 15:57:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exgtn/im_visiting_my_boyfriend_and_i_dont_know_how_to/
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Sorry if this turns into a block of text! I guess it's a partial rant/partial desperate need for advice.

So I'm visiting my boyfriend, who is living across the country, for a week. He's living with his family right now, so I'll be staying there with them. The problem is that his mom makes SO MUCH FOOD ALL THE TIME. At any point in the day we could go upstairs and find something to eat, and it's hardly ever healthy. His mom especially loves making big dinners when I come to visit. I just went vegetarian about a month or two ago partially as an excuse to get away with eating less without my boyfriend catching on. The thing is, I don't think his family knows I'm vegetarian. And I don't want his mom to have to make special meals for me. But I also don't really have the option of making my own food :/ Eating was a big thing my boyfriend and I used to bond over. There are all of these great restaurants near him that we would always go to whenever I visited. But recently I've been falling deeper into my ED and I feel extremely guilty and mad at myself just thinking about eating all of that food. Then at the same time I can't stop thinking about how yummy it always was and how easy it will be for me to cave in and just binge. I'm staying for 10 days and I'm honestly freaking out and don't know what to do :(:(:( Any tips? ♡♡♡

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[Help] Increased my carbs and scale hasn't changed in 5 days. Correlation?
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 141.8 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 15:36:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exckg/increased_my_carbs_and_scale_hasnt_changed_in_5/
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So I've been eating at or just under 500cals/day for a little over 2 weeks. However I have been the SAME EXACT weight since Monday -- 147.6. Every time. Right in the morning, and right after I eat, and on every flat surface. It's maddening.

The only thing that has changed is that I've increased my carbs (skinny pop & rice cakes yo) quite a bit while still staying under 500 cals (I weigh out everything including prepackaged items). Reallllly frustrating to not see a change. Is this just water retention from extra carbs!? Will I be 147.6 forever!?!?

Any reassurance would be great because I'm feeling pretty down about this <3

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[Other] Streak counter app?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri Jun 2 15:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ex96k/streak_counter_app/
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Hey y'all,

Does anyone happen to know of an iOS app where you can keep track of multiple daily streaks? Like it would have number of days since you've done something or that you've continuously done something and you'd have to reset it if you fucked up.

I'm looking to keep track of purging mostly, but would also like to track streaks for not compulsively picking, for taking my vitamins, and other goals as they come up.

Thanks!!!

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[Rant/Rave] I'm losing weight in all the wrong places ...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 14:17:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewvtu/im_losing_weight_in_all_the_wrong_places/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anybody casually open about their ED to others?
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Fri Jun 2 13:30:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewl44/anybody_casually_open_about_their_ed_to_others/
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I've recently started telling close friends that I struggle with ED and it's been very freeing. I was getting so tired of lying to people about what I'm eating.
Today at work a nosy coworker asked if I was going to get lunch and I just said 'no.' Without any defensiveness, nothing, just owning it. It felt good. They can think what they want. I'm done expending the energy on it.

Is anybody else here open about their issues to people outside of their SO and if so what has the experience been like?

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[Rant/Rave] Mom's going to be mad that I won't be eating her food again.
/u/EmpressAdrianne [🦄5'10"|CW167|GW 💀|SW225|F🦄]
Created: Fri Jun 2 13:06:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewfuh/moms_going_to_be_mad_that_i_wont_be_eating_her/
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On mobile: tried to flair as rant

My parents live about a mile from me and my kids, so we visit over there quite a bit (esp. for the swimming pool now that it's summer). My mom loves cooking and if she knows we're coming over around a meal time she always has something made. The thing is, I don't have a clue what she uses with some of her dishes. And tbh I really don't want to eat it if I don't know what's in it, calorie-wise.

I've done this in the past for various reasons and she always gets irritated/offended. I've never been one to hide or secretly dispose of food because I just don't think it's up to someone else when I eat or not. I'd simply refuse it and maybe lie about having had something earlier (which is much easier since I've been an adult not living there).

Sorry mom, but if I can't confirm that it isn't trash then I'm going to assume that it is. I don't want that kind of filth inside me.

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[Discussion] I'm a nicer person when I restrict.
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:55:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewdbz/im_a_nicer_person_when_i_restrict/
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Can anyone else relate to this? The days when I restrict I tend to be nicer, more productive and just in general a more pleasant person. But days when I binge I just get grumpy and feel so... sluggish.

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[Rant/Rave] Fat Upper Body??
/u/commeunecho [168cm | CW116 | 18.7 | -24 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:47:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewbjc/fat_upper_body/
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So I'm fat everywhere but my upper arms are absolutely disgusting. My legs have always been a bit thinner and I hate it. My arms are so huge and look really bad in every picture.
I'm definitely an "inverted triangle" body shape so my shoulders are so broad (my ribcage is huge and my hips are narrow). I see everyone else's arms and they look so much better than mine and it makes me want to disintegrate. I'm scared that no matter how much I lose I will always have horrible flabby arms. I wish I could get liposuction or something.
Just wondering if anyone else is like this or changed it somehow with muscle or something??
:((((

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[Discussion] Does anybody not weigh themselves on purpose?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:20:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ew5ej/does_anybody_not_weigh_themselves_on_purpose/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] National Donut Day and other such disasters
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:16:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ew4ox/national_donut_day_and_other_such_disasters/
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Low restricted for 3 days to be able to afford my annual free donut. Budgeted exactly 220--the number of calories in the healthiest donut they have. Show up and they are *out of those donuts*, are not planning to make more, and the next-lowest have 50 more calories.

Why don't you just stab me right in the heart, donut lady?

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[Discussion] ED thoughts during sex
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri Jun 2 11:48:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evy9e/ed_thoughts_during_sex/
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I was wondering if your ED thoughts creep in on you during sex. Mine certainly do, even though I love sex and have a very high drive for it.

Here are some of the psycho thoughts that go through my head on a usual night with the boyfriend:

* *I look like a whale, better pretend I'm too tired for sex so I don't have to take my clothes off.*

* *Okay, he's very frisky tonight, and fuck it, so am I. Maybe just a blowjob.*

* *Nononono I thought I could just give you a blowjob! Okay, I'll just have sex with my dress still on. Don't take my dress off, I look like a cow. That feels good. NO do NOT kiss my fat belly. But that feels really good. Damn it, dress is off. Why are you squeezing my fat? Do you want me to notice how fat I am? Because I already notice. Why are you looking? Stoplookingstoplookingstoplooking.*

* *Wait, are you grabbing my bones? Is that even possible right now? I can't believe you're using my ribs and my hipbones as handle holds right now. Oh my god. I knew it. You like skinny. You like bones. You want me to be skinnier. I GET IT, I'M F---fuck that's nice.*

* *Okay so how many calories were in that bite of ice cream? And was that beer 156 or 176 calories? I can't remember. Am I burning enough calories right now to make up for that bite of ice cream? Maybe...Ooh, how did he get me to do that?*

* *Ew I can feel all my sweat. I wouldn't get this sweaty if I was thin.*

* *I'll just hold him as tight as possible so he won't make me do cowgirl. Nonono no I don't want to sit up! Why do you want to see all of this? Fuck, that feels good.*

Anyone want to share their psycho ED sex thoughts so I don't feel so alone? lol

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[Rant/Rave] 2 day binge while traveling, gotta get back on track!
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 136| GW: Kate Middleton| F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 11:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evvuu/2_day_binge_while_traveling_gotta_get_back_on/
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Anyone struggle with recovering from a binge while traveling?

Ugh so I'm traveling this week to visit friends and I feel like so many activities when you're traveling revolve around food/drinks and I have such poor impulse control I just wanna avoid those things but I've already had fries and ice cream and so many cocktails in the past 2 days. I usually stick to 1200 cal/day (or under ideally) and I've had easily 2000+ on weds and thurs, and my TDEE is 1600 so I'm definitely gonna gain weight from this and I feel like I'm undoing all my progress. At least there isn't a scale where I'm staying so I can't freak out over water retention weight from eating so much more...but I'm also kinda freaking out because I can't weigh myself.

Goal for the rest of the trip (6 days) is to just eat veggies/salads. With minimal dressing, if any. Good thing I brought my food scale with me! I'll allow myself 1 cocktail on Saturday night when I go out with my friends, but aside from that I'm gonna hafta have so much self-discipline, and pre-make all my lunches before I go out for the day so that I can't be tempted by gross delicious fatty/salty food

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[Tip] A GIFT FROM GOD HIMSELF
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 23F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 11:24:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evsn5/a_gift_from_god_himself/
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Pre-riced cauliflower. PRE-RICED CAULIFLOWER

SING THE PRAISES FRIENDS.

I got two bags from Cost-Co and an ENTIRE BAG is 100 calories... THAT'S A FRICKIN LOT OF FOOD. THAT'S 16OZ OF CAULIFLOWER

I sauteed garlic and spinach in a olive oil (I used 2tsp.. kind of a lot... because it makes the cauliflower so fluffy, but you can definitely cut that down and just watch closely so it doesn't burn) and then dumped all the cauliflower into the pan and cooked until soft and added Parmesan cheese.

It was OUT OF THIS WORLD DELICIOUS and SO MUCH FOOD that I literally couldn't eat all of it. I ended up setting half the bowl aside for an hour or two and then picking up for a snack later on in the night.

The breakdown:

2 tsp olive oil: 80

2 cups of spinach (sounds like a lot, but it cooks down to nothing): 14

Garlic cloves: 15

Cauliflower: 100

3 tablespoons Parmesan: 90


Total: like SIX CUPS OF FOOD for 299 calories.

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[Thinspo] In honor of her new album, some halsey inspo because she's my queen
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 10:35:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evhee/in_honor_of_her_new_album_some_halsey_inspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/JnncH

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[Other] Can't decide if vertigo or dizzy b/c I haven't eaten
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:58:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev99x/cant_decide_if_vertigo_or_dizzy_bc_i_havent_eaten/
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[deleted]

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Can't decide if vertigo of dizzy b/c I haven't eaten
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:57:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev92a/cant_decide_if_vertigo_of_dizzy_bc_i_havent_eaten/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone have kids?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev7px/anyone_have_kids/
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I don't but just curious. Does having an ED ever affect them? Like I know kids ask the weirdest shit and say the first thing on their minds so do they ever pick up on your habits??

PS: I don't wanna have a kid or get married anytime soon but IDK man curious

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[Rant/Rave] went from a 19 bmi to a 22 bmi in a month
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:42:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev5mj/went_from_a_19_bmi_to_a_22_bmi_in_a_month/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Dae look at people hands to see if they have an eating disorder
/u/canned-phoenix-ashes
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:26:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev21d/dae_look_at_people_hands_to_see_if_they_have_an/
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Like most people who have anorexia have really nicely painted nails that are almost always one color and people who have bulimia have red or mauve knuckles

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[Discussion] How accurate is a Fitbit?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:55:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6euv9j/how_accurate_is_a_fitbit/
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Do you guys trust them? I kind of want one, but idk

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[Other] Rediscovered an old favorite.
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:48:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eutns/rediscovered_an_old_favorite/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY9LLMTCjwg

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[Discussion] Starting from a higher BMI: What physical changes did you notice first? [Discussion]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:41:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eus60/starting_from_a_higher_bmi_what_physical_changes/
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[removed]

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[Other] Toxic beauty (a poem)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:26:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eup2v/toxic_beauty_a_poem/
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Not sure how to flair cause I am on mobile I guess rant rave.

I want my thighs to be like ships passing in the night, never touching,

My clothes hang off my bones creating an emaciated mannequin,

My rapid heart be and shortness or breathe is the toll I pay to end this oblivion, knowing I'll expire before I ever gain admittance,

They will see me when they can't anymore, when my feet only delicately move on wooden floors without a creak or sound,

Anyone who teases will eat their words and choke to see me as I was never before,

All of this for what, a castle made of sand meant to drown in the silent waves of the incoming tide,

I'm selfishly sacrificial in that I don't want to take what isn't mine, I just want to be left alone in my little space,

Dark circles, cheek bones, tears permanently etched on a stone face,

No one believed or bought what I was selling, only to see me now for what could be the last time,

I eat their stares, their words and glares, breathing in all I brought upon myself,

All of this. Toxic. Beauty. Health.

Willow.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] I don't even know what triggered it
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eunw3/rant_i_dont_even_know_what_triggered_it/
---
I really have no idea what triggered this last two day binge. I was feeling pretty okay, and I had been trying to eat normally. Maybe it was the guilt of letting my boyfriend watch me skip meals. Maybe it was my exhaustion from choosing what to eat.

But I ate. And this binge was worse than any I've had in a long time. Foods that I'd been ignoring for weeks suddenly became appealing. Food my boyfriend left here suddenly became fair game. I ate for hours until I felt so full that it hurt to breathe. I was nauseous and I just laid down on my side and cried. Then I woke up the next morning and did it again.

I don't know if I'll do it again today. I don't feel like I have any control over it. Some days I starve, other days I eat, other days I binge. And I don't control it. I never control it. And this is why fasting and restricting on the days I *can* feels like the only choice I do have. Even if it makes my boyfriend sad, even if it means I waste food. Because days like this I'm completely out of control. And I'll gain weight if I don't fast on the days I can. And I can't gain weight.

I feel sick and I hate myself right now. I don't want to be in another bad binge cycle. I don't want to gain weight again. I was doing okay. I don't want to gain weight again. I really don't want to fucking gain weight again. I'm not even underweight. No one can tell me I need to gain weight. And I hate that too.

---

[Discussion] DAE use Friday as their cheat days?
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:20:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eunpw/dae_use_friday_as_their_cheat_days/
---
Friday has always been something of a 'cheat day' for me. Been restricting to ~700kcal/day this week and had a bad b/p weekend last week after my 'cheat day' turned into a cheat weekend + 2.

So, Trying to be a bit lenient on myself today. Had some food in the morning and a hamburger + fries for a late lunch. Desperate not to b/p even though I feel it nagging at me. Just a bit over 1200 today, but I feel extra shitty even though it's my 'cheat day'. Working the graveyard shift tonight, so I excused myself that way.

Does anyone else give themselves cheat days? I'm actually thinking about giving up on them altogether since they always push me into a bit of a b/p cycle. What do you guys do when you also yourselves to 'cheat'?

---

[Goal] Moving the goal post and stopping my excuses.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:41:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eufs5/moving_the_goal_post_and_stopping_my_excuses/
---
On mobile so flair Rant/Rave.

Even though I have yet to dull bellow certain weights before I fuck up and gain it back I am determined once again to stop my bullshit and do this so I can continue living my life (or dying in the process which would be ok too.)

I want to be underweight and at this point it is kind of far but I think I can do it. I'm commuting to full veganism after months of sabotaging myself one or two days a week and will also attempt low to medium restrict with more walking and vigorous calorie tracking. I am convinced my body is really inefficient in how it using energy I know it's fat logic but I just feel like my metabolism is fucked. I will not allow myself cheat days or meal but maybe try to fit small things into my goals for the days. I am going to try restricting with a couple fast days each week.

I had a fitbit for a while I used religiously that seemed to help but with my current job I can't wear any jewelry or bracelets due to health code so I purchased a cheap one I can clip to my pick or belt hopefully hidden from coworkers. If anyone has heard of jawbone it'd be nice to know how they do or had other recommendations for non wrist fitness trackers.

I am convinced my life is at a standstill until I achieve my goals. Sure I can pursue normal or intuitive eating later but I want to be thin first it's not fair having an eating disorder and all the mental baggage with nothing to show for my struggle so this is my post for accountability. I will create a follow up post at the end of this month or beginning of the next month with my current progress and hopefully not begin once again.

It's funny in a sick way that according to loser town with several tweaks and variations that I will achieve my ultimate goal (now 110 to 115lbs instead of 125) by October at the latest before what would have been my old anniversary with my SO. They live and work in DC now and I live in the PNW.

A part of me is scared that if I lose the weight they may no longer find me attractive but I also know I don't really care about being attractive. I go out of my way to be unattractive because then I can justify no one flirting with me or seeing me as attractive and perpetuate the idea that everyone hates me. I have long pink hair, an ironic hipster moustache and wear baggy skater clothes (I do skate) I just don't give a fuck but I want to feel delicate and graceful. I want to be able to purge (pun intended) my wardrobe of all but a few things because I have gotten to small. I want to be the envy of those around me for my dedication and control. I will be thin this time.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Love yourself.

Willow.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just some Friday ED rants - anyone know these feels?
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:36:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6euerr/just_some_friday_ed_rants_anyone_know_these_feels/
---
1) Friends and family aware of your ED issues who treat every food related discussion as a manifestation of disordered eating. You know sometimes a girl just wants to discuss dinner option A vs B like people do all the time without being told "do you think you're stressing too much about it? It's just food, pick one." I realize but have you never debated hmm Mexican or Chinese? You have and no one told you you were stressing too much. Not every thing I mention about food is on the level of near panic attack and anxiety I just want to discuss the pros and cons of damn food options knowing neither is better or worse.

2) Damn slippery slope. My ED is restricting and overexercising. I'll be darned if I exercise 5 minutes more or eat 100 calories less then I have to top it the next day and so the spiral begins.

---

[Intro] A Little (probablly long) Intro
/u/forever-lurk [5'7" | HW: too high | WL: -39lbs | GW: 116 lbs | 24 F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:29:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eudl1/a_little_probablly_long_intro/
---
Hi all, I've lurked around on here for a while now and I must say that I am so relieved and thrilled to have found this subreddit. I've always felt too fat/too old/too impatient with BS for MPA even after I made the shift from dying livejournal communities to the site when I was younger.

I have never been skinny, I was in the 130s as a tween, but I just don't really count that considering I ballooned upwards from puberty on. I am the child of two addicts and that coupled with my German/Southern American family I guess I was just destined for failure lol. Food, food, food, it's everywhere.

My eating disorder is definitely a coping mechanism. It's my buffer between myself and the world around me. But I feel like what's the point when I have very little to show for it.

I am often torn between getting healthy and staying in my restriction cycle. I phase in out of denial like "Oh this is normal, this is fine!" Cue meme of cartoon dog sitting in flames saying "this is fine." Or, "Hey dummy, normal people don't this. Get it together." Cue me white knuckling through a few weeks of trying not to engage in behaviors, hopping on a scale, and then freaking out because I gained. The process just repeats.

I have tried to "recover" twice, the first time I was able to break my purging habit and have not purged in five years! Which I am incredibly proud of. The second time was after I had to drop out of college due to my failing mental health, in came the anti-depressants and sleeping medication as well as almost 90lbs of binge weight. Not so proud of that.

Anywho, that's me and my nonsense.
Thank you for reading!

---

[Help] Question about tiny red dots around my eyes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eud38/question_about_tiny_red_dots_around_my_eyes/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] If you absolutely must eat bread or toast...
/u/jizzjazzspazz [🚽 5'5 | CW: 131.8lbs | SW: 160 | GW: 125 | UGW: 110 | Poo]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:12:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6euado/if_you_absolutely_must_eat_bread_or_toast/
---
[removed]

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 2 06:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eu00a/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for June 02, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 2 06:13:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etzz9/daily_food_diary_june_02_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] me this morning: im going to eat healthy and work out
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Fri Jun 2 05:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etoi3/me_this_morning_im_going_to_eat_healthy_and_work/
---
me after i got home from work: do i binge or cut do i binge or cut do i binge or cut

me this evening: binge and binge drink and cut

~it's a pity party~!

---

[Discussion] Any tips for staying warm while restricting?
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Fri Jun 2 04:13:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ethxm/any_tips_for_staying_warm_while_restricting/
---
No amount of sweaters seems to help me anymore. When I restrict I'm always freezing unless it's like 80+ degrees.

Is that just what happens when you restrict too much or could it be a sign of some kind of defficiency?

---

[Rant/Rave] Thighs :(
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1 / CW:108 / BMI: 20.4 / GW: 85]
Created: Fri Jun 2 03:52:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etey6/thighs/
---
I can't stand the way my thighs feel when they touch, especially when I'm laying in bed at night. I know I'm not actually big but it just make me feel so huge and fat. Does anyone else have this?

---

[Help] I'm baking for work next week and need to do a practise bake this weekend
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 144 | GW 120 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 03:39:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etdbq/im_baking_for_work_next_week_and_need_to_do_a/
---
It's brownies. I could eat an entire batch of brownies in one sitting.

 

Pray for me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Dae get offended by small calorie count?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 03:02:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et8jg/dae_get_offended_by_small_calorie_count/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I have to face the facts
/u/K_iwi [5'3" | 129 | 23.4 | GW 120 |F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 02:59:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et84b/i_have_to_face_the_facts/
---
Ive gained 18 lbs in the course of what feels like no time. I know its not water weight. Its not muscle, or bloat, or food weight. Its fat. The sooner I admit this to myself and accept it, the sooner I can work to fix it. I updated my flair. 18 lbs. I can only go down from here.

Hi again everyone. Its been a while. A long time filled with vile foods and just disgust all around. I don't want this anymore. I don't deserve this. Im not allowed to just accept this as my life, because its my fucking life. I don't struggle with not eating. Im too fat to have that as an excuse. Theres enough energy packed on me to fuel a fucking bus.

So we're back to square one. Past square one. Im at a Pre ED weight. I feel a disgusting, wobbly mess. I jiggle so much when I walk. My thighs rub together in a way they didn't before. My favorite pants don't button anymore. I lost control. I slipped too much. Its not okay. Its something that I'm going to have to make up for, and work my way down again. This time, I'll remember this feeling. Of failure. Of disgust. In a way, this experience made me stronger. I fear it now more than ever. I have to be dilligant, at all times, or this will happen again. I won't let it happen again. No matter how much food is shoved at me, nothing is worth this awful feeling

I don't need coddling anymore. I don't need to "start small, work down my calories." Im past that. I know what I need to do now. Strict dilligence. Starting today, I know my plan. What I need to do, everyday, to get past this. It will be hard. It might be the hardest thing I've ever done. But I need to abstain from this awful cycle I've put myself into. I need to clean my system of this awful rot, the sickening drug that draws me to the kitchen, reaching for another bite, one more sip, just one last taste. The strict routine is what I need; structure, balance, conditioning to remind myself that I am in control. I decide what I do, what I put in my mouth, when, why.

This next month is my atonement for the awful deed of destroying my body this way. And I embrace it fully. Whats done is done, and what needs to be done is the same. It is simply the balance of things. I look forward to building my strength, endurance, mind. The dizzying feeling of control, once again in my grasp. The hunger, a growl of triumph. I can do this. I *will* do this.

---

[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] My fast ends today & behavioural disorders are family
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 02:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et6im/rave_my_fast_ends_today_behavioural_disorders_are/
---
Rave

I did it. Today I finished my 3rd long "water" fast - I've been less strict and actually had green tea and some coffee.
It was a little shorter than my previous total water fasts, but ten days is a fine number. I'm getting more professional at it. I actually never had problems until now, but this time I felt even better than ever. It's the first time I also tried taking himalayan salt and I still lost more weight daily than on my last fasts. That said, I'm not doing it for the weight loss mainly, but for the reset.
I will need it for my trip an all the tempting (street) food.

Happy though that it's done. Not necessarily because I feel hungry, but because I feel like cooking. Even if it's just homemade vegetable bouillon (that I actually already started preparing yesterday).

I now have 4 days to start eating again. On day five I will IF (number one of a minimum of two fasts weekly) and I will be very consequent on this one.
If I don't want to gain un these 3weeks I have to. The main dish of the city I'm going to has 1300kcal for one serving!!!!
Haha.

Anyways, today I will spend most of the day in the kitchen. The risk to overeat is non-existent because 1. I am disciplined enough to transition back smoothly and 2. because I only have a max of 3200kcal in the house for my remaing days. 😉😎
That's a lot more than Dr. Galina Shatalova would approve of.

I will not break with (diluted) juices this time because I never liked the idea of giving your empty body sugar. Will try with broth and nuts to keep metabolism going and not shock my body.

A Dr. Jason Fung approach... Will see.

Anyways, I am happy. Let's keep it this way. Goal: Control without obsession. No binge and most important, no purge (!!!).

Back to intuitive eating (for me this ususally means after noon somehow) with a more or less frequent maximum of maintance energy "income" and regular total daily intermittent fasts (min.2/week).

In know this post isn't that interesting, but sharing will surely help me following the rules and not relapsing into stuffing myself and then wanting to get rid of it.

This last experience really showed me, that even if you try to forget about your ED, it doesn't forget about you.

So I try to shape and form it and incorporate it into my life, without letting it take the lead. I'm anti-authoritarian.

I try to change its behaviour. I can live with it, but we need to find a common ground and work something out - there are rules. Being weird is ok. But:
Wasting money and food is not allowed. Fucking up my health and beauty without asking is not an option. Period.


I know, that you never get rid of behavioral disorders... you need to cope with them, you need to know them. Accept that they are family. You didn't chose them, but they are always a part of your life. You can stop seeing them, but they will probably pop up in one way or the other. On an old picture at your parent's house or a family gathering. Being abnormal is who you are. Don't hate it. Because in the end you can turn them fuckers into something good. Either for experience, strength or a different way of approaching things... They are a part of you, make the best out of them. Use them as a tool.

Funny that I accepted it with all of my issues, but was just not ready to do it with my ED. But now its time has come.

---

[Rant/Rave] Wonder Woman and why I hate myself
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 2 02:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et3fz/wonder_woman_and_why_i_hate_myself/
---
On mobile so flair as rant/rave

I just saw Wonderwoman with my family and I won't spoil it so don't worry if you still want to see it.

My biggest issue watching the film is my mind. In my mind all I could do is fixate on Gal Gadot's body and how she wasn't the typical Hollywood skinny actress. She actually looked fit or muscular and it bugged the shit out of me. She has blemishes and stretch marks or maybe my ED brain just distorts shit. I just couldn't enjoy the movie because all I could think about is how Wonderwoman looked "fat" like what the fuck is wrong with me.

Also the bathroom had full length mirrors which bugged me too.

End rant. I am a terrible person and want to purge until I bleed.

Hope everyone else is having a good night . Love yourselves even though the world sucks.

Sorry if this just comes off as shitty.

Willow

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't know where else to post this and I feel the need to tell someone.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 01:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6esw25/i_dont_know_where_else_to_post_this_and_i_feel/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Our very own thinspo subreddit! [Info in comments]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Jun 2 00:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6esq9x/our_very_own_thinspo_subreddit_info_in_comments/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proThinspo/

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[Rant/Rave] JUST BUY THE RIGHT FUDGING SIZE JFC
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 23.03 | -75.4lbs | M]
Created: Thu Jun 1 22:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6esc91/just_buy_the_right_fudging_size_jfc/
---
I'm honestly so mad right now. Several months ago before I lost weight I wore size XL t-shirts but my mother would always buy 2XL. I asked her hundreds of times to buy the right size, telling her that it upset me and made me feel like she thought I was fat but she never corrected herself. Now I've lost weight and a size L fits me perfectly. I've told her this numerous times, she's even successfully bought me a few L shirts.

She's been traveling with her sisters and called me today to tell me about all the shops they went to and all the amazing shirts she thrifted for me that she just knew I'd love. Turns out that she's bought all XL. Told me how they went out of their way to find all the XL shirts for me like I would be proud of her.

Maybe it's just in my head but I was so mad. Told her right out to go return them and not waste the money because I won't wear them. XL is too baggy on me now, she should know that, etc. Then she starts going on and on about how they'll shrink in the wash and I can just wear them around the house and it's not a big deal.

Like, no. I'm not going to wear baggy ass shirts just because you think I'm a hippo. I don't want oversized clothes that I don't feel comfortable in even indoors and I've been washing the XL shirts I own for years so I know they're not going to shrink enough, that's not how sizes work.

I'm just really upset. We literally had a conversation yesterday where I told her I needed a new wardrobe because all my clothes are too big. I told her right out not 24 hours before she went shopping that I wear size L now and then she does this. It'd be one thing if she apologized and tried to exchange them but all she does is ignore what I say and make excuses for why it supposedly doesn't matter.

Well, it matters to me and if you can't even try to accept that then screw you.

---

[Rant/Rave] just ed things :)))))))
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Thu Jun 1 22:13:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6es5b4/just_ed_things/
---
i've been eating this ice cream so long the sides of my fingers are getting bruised and the tops are getting burned!!!

haha isn't this so fun

(i'm on mobile tag rant? prtyplz)

---

[Rant/Rave] Deep breaths
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ersay/deep_breaths/
---
Can't flair, tag as rant I suppose?

Me: breathe deep. Don't panic.

Cons: ate much more than planned, including sugar/white flour which I was supposed to be detoxing from.

Pros: exercised today and will excercise a lot tomorrow. Ate a lot of protein and even though I went over, I ate pretty healthily.

My urge is to fast tomorrow (or HEAVILY restrict), but I know that will just end in a binge again. Tomorrow I will stick to my meal plan, guidelines, and calorie limit 100%. I will not eat sugar. I will not eat before 11am. It will be okay. My progress is ONLY ruined if I continue to ruin it. I can still be okay IF I stop now.

Ugh. Fuck this disorder. For the love of everything, please someone just give me a lean body and appropriate eating habits?? I have my whole life together except this. I guess it's better than a substance problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe not though.

---

[Goal] June - 5000 calories a week.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:28:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erney/june_5000_calories_a_week/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Finally bit the bullet and weighed myself
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 144|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:23:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ermho/finally_bit_the_bullet_and_weighed_myself/
---
I got sick of trying to lose weight without any definitive proof of progress so I finally ordered myself a scale. I avoided it for hours after it arrived out of fear. Schrodinger's body image: until I step on the scale, I'm both fat and not. Does anyone else do the thing when they're checking results of some sort where you pick a range or a threshold and say as long as __ is at least/most __ you won't have to kill yourself? And it's an absolute bluff, of course, but those are the words that cross my mind. Well, I said as long as I'm under 155 lbs all's not lost. I'm 150.2 lbs. Not where I want to be but considering I stepped on a scale (I don't know how accurate) a few weeks ago and it read 154, I'm in business. It's possible to be under 140 by July 1st if I stick to 1000cal/day and moderate exercise. I can reach my UGW of 125 by the end of the summer if I'm disciplined. And now I can finally set my flair!

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[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this
/u/youcanfadeaway [5´7 | CW 155 ? | GW1 140 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erkkw/why_am_i_like_this/
---
So I just calorie counted what my day wouldve looked like if i hadnt b/p and it was going to be under 200 cals.
I always thought that 40 g of chickpeas were like freaking 300 cals and so thats part of why I just said fuck it and gave in instead of posting here and now Im fucking pissed of and I cant even go one day without b/p
fuck, i feel hopeless

---

[Discussion] Sabotaging your stomach?
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:11:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erkg3/sabotaging_your_stomach/
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Anyone else do this? When I start restricting, I eat spicy food the day before so I wont be able to stomach anything other than soup and toast the next few days.

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[Discussion] 'girlfriend losing weight unhealthily' ...Thoughts?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:06:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erjje/girlfriend_losing_weight_unhealthily_thoughts/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] [discussion] Just fun ED things
/u/gl1tt3rv01d [5'8 | 153 | 23.2 | -68 | ftx]
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erhyn/discussion_just_fun_ed_things/
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...like eating cold soup out of the can bc heating it will be Bad ^TM (aka tonight)...

...or picking the vegetables off pizza and eating those first because i honestly don't remember (a few weeks ago) ...

... halo top pint for dinner (yesterday)...

jesus I'm slipping back in easily. this'll be a fuckin ride.

---

[Thinspo] Sorry for not posting lately. I've been super busy with work. Anyways, Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:24:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erbs5/sorry_for_not_posting_lately_ive_been_super_busy/
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https://i.redd.it/iyf5yhlsw41z.jpg

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[Discussion] Wellbutrin and EDs?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:08:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6er8tm/wellbutrin_and_eds/
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I got prescribed Wellbutrin today and I lied to the doctor when he asked if I had an ED. Apparently you're not supposed to take it if you have a history of eating disorders. I heard it can cause weight loss; is that the reason, or is it something else?

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[Discussion] Would anyone else be down for a takeover of r/thinspo?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6er7pb/would_anyone_else_be_down_for_a_takeover_of/
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So I'm pretty bitter about the fact that the thinspo subreddit got taken over by creepy dudes jerking off to skinny girls who post pictures of themselves or skinny porn.

The community info on the sub says it is supposed to be motivation to get or stay thin, and that pervy comments would be deleted. Clearly none of that is true anymore.

I've been thinking that if a lot of us started being more active and posted thinspo over there instead of here the sub could actually become what it's supposed to be. Would other people be on board with that?

Again, I'm pretty bitter lol.


Update: it seems like I have at least some support, so basically I plan to post (at least what I consider to be) real thinspo there every day or so. If other people want to join me that'd be dope. I'm also going to try and be more active commenting over there. Also downvoting creepy comments that DONT FOLLOW THEIR FUCKING SUB RULES ANYWAYS.

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[Rant/Rave] I just had a decent meal, and you know what? I feel great about it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 18:43:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6er3z4/i_just_had_a_decent_meal_and_you_know_what_i_feel/
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[deleted]

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[Other] June is going to be my month.
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Thu Jun 1 18:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqxc7/june_is_going_to_be_my_month/
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I'm gonna have a deficit of at least 1000 calories every day this month no matter what. My intake today is 595 and that's the lowest it's been in months. I'm sick of being squishy and bloated. I'm gonna go to the gym as often as I can and bust my ass. It's funny how something as simple as a new month gave me all this positivity and inspiration, but I'm not complaining. Wish me luck because lord knows this isn't gonna be an easy month lmao.

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[Rant/Rave] Stuck in a binge
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:51:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqto3/stuck_in_a_binge/
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This is awful. I cant stop binging. Its so bad I'm considering going to one of those AWFUL pro ana websites. Those always stop me.

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[Rant/Rave] I caved and bought a poke bowl today.
/u/littlebirbb [5'7" | CW: ew | GW: 125 | -31]
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:34:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqq3d/i_caved_and_bought_a_poke_bowl_today/
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It's one of my favorite foods but I also know it can be sooooo bad. Normally I would have gotten a large bowl with a million toppings and eaten the whole thing.

Instead, I brought home a small one, waited until those initial hunger pangs were over, ate about a third, and am now outing it in the fridge for my fiancé for later.

I am learning to turn my binge foods into other things so that I don't crave them all the time and feel the need to binge on them. I maybe ate 300 calories right now instead of the 1000+ I would have had with everything else on top and sauces and blah blah blah. This was a treat. A small treat that I'm going to share with someone else who likes it, and they probably like it more than I do so I'll save them more of it.

I weighed myself this morning and hit a new LW (even without a BM in several days, woo!) but still had to get rid of this craving. I am so full. I've been eating so little that I barely eat more than a cup of anything in a sitting and I'm stuffed. This was maybe about 1/3 cup of rice, 1/3 cup fish, 1/4 seaweed salad. And some sauce. And I'm uncomfortably full now.

I'm glad I'm learning to manage this shit without therapy or any outside help. Managing things on my own term and regular, moderately strict restricting is the only way I don't feel crazy. Don't feel like shit.

I know I'm on an antidepressant that can cause "medication induced anorexia" and while I don't think I quite qualify for that, my obsession with food and the drop in binges and the majority of my weight loss happened after I started taking the meds.

Sorry, mostly just proud I didn't binge but felt like rambling. I've been brain foggy for a few days.

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[Other] Boyfriend knows I'm heavily restricting and not eating and still compliments my weight loss. I don't know what to think.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqmzr/boyfriend_knows_im_heavily_restricting_and_not/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] thank god for lactose intolerance
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:16:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqmjj/thank_god_for_lactose_intolerance/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE throw food out so it can't tempt you anymore?
/u/bellatrixcat
Created: Thu Jun 1 16:45:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqfqq/dae_throw_food_out_so_it_cant_tempt_you_anymore/
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My mom made homemade oatmeal cookies with this amazing buttercream frosting in the middle..I knew they'd be calling my name come midnight so I took three and crumbled them up outside. I feel bad but I'd feel way worse if I gave in to my cravings...

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[Other] Binge eating documentary
/u/canned-phoenix-ashes
Created: Thu Jun 1 15:17:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6epvrq/binge_eating_documentary/
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https://youtu.be/NPgHu2Lup94

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[Discussion] When do you eat your calories?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 14:22:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6epi25/when_do_you_eat_your_calories/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] I wish we had a meet and greet ed sub(sub?) reddit.
/u/grim-limb
Created: Thu Jun 1 14:05:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6epdox/i_wish_we_had_a_meet_and_greet_ed_subsub_reddit/
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I feel so alone. I wanna waste away with a friend. :( ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] I just saw me in the past, and it broke me.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 13:09:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eozed/i_just_saw_me_in_the_past_and_it_broke_me/
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I spent the morning at the pool, and there was this group of kids there who were all probably between 7 and 9. They were all really thin, normal kids, except for one younger girl who was clearly overweight, maybe obese. And they spent all 3 hours making fun of her mercilessly. Telling her she was too fat to play with them, too heavy to sit on their shoulders, too big to fit on the slide, too slow to run after them. And they were probably right, but damn. You could see this girl's self-esteem just crash and burn. She showed up at the pool ready to play with her friends. And she left looking like she wanted to die. And it took everything in me not to shout at these kids in front of their parents and stick up for this poor girl. I just went home and cried.

I was that chubby kid. 20 years later, I still can't stop thinking about the kids who treated me like these kids did that girl. And I wonder if this girl won't also wind up disordered and miserable and haunted for decades by the stupid shit her friends said without thinking about it.

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[Rant/Rave] when everything else is falling apart... ED to the rescue...?
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 13:07:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eoywz/when_everything_else_is_falling_apart_ed_to_the/
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I guess this is just a rant seasoned with some self-pity... just feeling really helpless, and ED is the only thing in my life I can count on.

-

I'm losing my dream job due to mismanagement (I play in a somewhat successful rock band, but lead singer has been developing ego problems as the band grows & demands control over aspects of the business he knows nothing about, and management panders to him because they see him as the "star" etc etc)... the more success the band sees, the more impossible & controlling he becomes (not to mention cruel), so I'm making the announcement after this weekend's shows that I will be leaving. :(


At the same time, I now have an apartment I can't really afford, in a city where I have no other friends (only moved here because it was the band's home base), and about to be starting over on a new yet-to-be-determined career path.


To make matters worse, the lead singer and I used to be involved romantically, and although that was years ago and we've both moved on, he had (until recently) still been one of my closest friends and one of the only people in my life who knew about (and accepted) my past trauma. At this point he's in such a controlling state and I have such issues with being controlled that we're barely able to interact with each other, let alone call ourselves "friends."


-

I can feel myself spiraling into depression already and I haven't even announced my departure or had to face the hardest changes yet.


-


I feel totally lost.



At times like these, my food issues become a huge source of comfort to me... Everything in my life feels like it's crumbling, but at least I can control my food and therefore be "good" at something.
I hate this and love this at the same time.

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[Discussion] DAE Chew & spit?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 11:58:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eohu8/dae_chew_spit/
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I have read a few comments here and there about someone who is also struggling with this. Figured why not make a post so if you are needing to reach out and talk about it?
Hope your Thursday is filled with good thoughts & choices xx

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[Help] Will doing ~200 squats a day do anything to help me not lose muscle/become flabby?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 11:07:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eo4yn/will_doing_200_squats_a_day_do_anything_to_help/
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I've started doing 30 squats (unweighted) every time I go to the bathroom, which is often considering I drink a lot of water and coffee. Will this actually result in any changes since I'm also restricting?

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[Discussion] Is There a Link Between Autism and Anorexia?
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 102lbs | recovery, for now | ✨]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:57:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ennqm/is_there_a_link_between_autism_and_anorexia/
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https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/02/anorexia-and-autism/463233/

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[Discussion] DAE fear you'll always look fat because of your frame?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:54:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enn0x/dae_fear_youll_always_look_fat_because_of_your/
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I do *not* have a willowy frame. I know everyone says "big boned" is a myth but it really isn't. I have wide shoulders and wide hips. I'm very hourglass shaped. I have athletic legs and gain muscle easily. Even at my thinnest, I still looked "curvy" at a 18 BMI. I'm so worried that when I get down to my goal weight of 105 I'll still look thick and chubby because I don't have a naturally thin frame, like Emma Roberts/Paris Hilton etc. Ugh.

Does anyone else feel this way? Did you feel this way, then get to your GW and realize you were wrong?

Is there hope?

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[Rant/Rave] I keep gaining weight and it's so annoying
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enm34/i_keep_gaining_weight_and_its_so_annoying/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Calcium supplements and stomach pain?
/u/Vio1et [155cm | 46kg | 19 | f]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:15:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6endu5/calcium_supplements_and_stomach_pain/
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So about an hour ago I took a calcium supplement (Nature Made 300mg Calcium + Vitamin D ) because I'm worried about bone density yadda yadda and now I've got the worst gas and bloating and my stomach huuuurts.

Like, I don't think I'm in danger or anything but it's really frickin uncomfortable.

Does this ever happen to you? What do you do to prevent it? 🤢

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[Discussion] Calorie wastes
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enbdo/calorie_wastes/
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What foods/drinks do you guys consider complete wastes of calories? As in, not even tempted by them/confused as to why they even exist?

My list:

* Bananas. I don't really like them and 110 calories for a medium one seems outrageous.
* Bread with more then 60 calories a slice. I've found some basic non-diet whole wheat breads at 60 cal/slice, so I have no idea why so many other breads have to double that.
* Dairy milk - "Does a body good" my ass. Cow titty juice will not do my body good.
* Mayonnaise - Gross. 100 cal/tbsp. Why.
* Non-diet soda - Literally why
* Reduced fat peanut butter - This shit is annoying. I'm not talking about PB2, I'm talking about the "reduced fat" Jif variation and similar ones. It has the same calories but more sugar.

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[Goal] Guys I want to stop purging
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:05:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enbd0/guys_i_want_to_stop_purging/
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I'm so tired of yellow teeth. I'm so used to purging though but I'd rather learn to restrict and go down that path than to keep being bulimic. Idk I'm just frustrated yet I don't wanna stop??? Why can't I just choose I hate myself

Help I'm in this gray area and I just feel like I don't have the strength or motivation in me to restrict

I'm in that all or nothing kinda mindset- extreme emotions etc😔😒

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[Rant/Rave] Sick of it.
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Thu Jun 1 08:48:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6en7mw/sick_of_it/
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WARNING: WALL OF TEXT. Feel free to ignore.

I went shopping with my mom today and she and the cashier girl are friends. I haven't seen the cashier girl in a while so I'm very different and considerably lighter. She didn't even realise it was me.

After I grabbed something from the back of the shop and went to pay, I found my mom and this girl talking about my fucking weight. My mom was telling her how grossly skinny I've gotten, how sometimes I faint from under eating, how I starve myself and how I have a very distorted body image.

The cashier examined me like I was a frigging guinea pig, scrutinised me up and down and went on discussing my body with my mom. She asked me how I weigh, and she was floored and said I'm underweight (which is not true). This girl is 5"3 and said a doctor told her she'll be underweight if she gets below 65kg, for fuck sake, so it's clear how skewed her views are. Fatlogic anyone?

She told me I shouldn't lose anymore weight because I'll lose a "womanly figure" and get "all ugly and bony". Like, nice to know you'll think I'm ugly, bitch. Is it so hard to understand that I DON'T want a womanly body with T&A? I want to be small and pixie like and androgynous.

I felt SO victimised and targeted and invaded and out of control and mocked, and I was about to start crying my eyes out in the shop.

Tldr: I'm so, so, so tired of fatlogic, people commenting on my body and people assuming I want a "womanly figure".

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[Discussion] What works better?
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Thu Jun 1 08:44:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6en6r4/what_works_better/
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I've noticed I'm much better at not eating when I'm nice to myself about it. When I eat a little when I'm hungry or reassure myself I'll eat later if that makes sense? Rather than when I go in with the "you'll starve yourself b/c you're a pos" mentality.

What mentality works better for you? (being kind to yourself vs hating yourself)

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[Meme/Humor] On the back of Bronk-Aid (aka they know, fam)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 08:37:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6en56q/on_the_back_of_bronkaid_aka_they_know_fam/
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https://i.redd.it/pi4tm3qep11z.jpg

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[Other] Instead of restricting and working out, I should just get the stomach flu once a week
/u/thinnmints [4'11 | 157 | -15 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 06:29:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6emf08/instead_of_restricting_and_working_out_i_should/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 1 06:11:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6embwz/daily_food_diary_june_01_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for June 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 1 06:11:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6embrk/weekly_emotional_support_june_01_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Rant/Rave] Stupid dinner plans and just feeling crappy
/u/avocadoshell [5'4" | CW 121 | BMI 20.8| GW 110 |27 F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 05:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6em71s/stupid_dinner_plans_and_just_feeling_crappy/
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On mobile, can't flair blah blah

I just need to get this off my chest and this is a good place to do it!

Yesterday I planned this wonderful dinner with my boyfriend. We were going to grill shish kabob and make beans and cheddar biscuits, and baked apples for dessert. I planned ahead and ate just a banana and a mini spring roll for lunch so I could really enjoy dinner and not worry about all the calories. I was looking forward to it all day.

After work (at the grocery store), I spent lots of time picking out good veggies, and went home and prepped everything. Oh no- I forgot skewers! So I ran to CVS and they were sold out. Dollar store- sold out. Finally found them at a grocery store (where I work and already spent 9 hours at today).

After we made the food and I even lit a candle to ~set the mood~ neither of us had any appetite and ate like 3 bites. My bf is on a new medication that's decreasing his appetite and causing nausea, and I just felt like shit in general.

THEN on top of that my work forgot to pay me for a whole day. After bills I have $46 for the week (as opposed to $150 if the payroll woman could do her fucking job).

Sorry for whining but it just sucks.

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[Discussion] Anyone else do this
/u/Xheedre
Created: Thu Jun 1 01:17:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6el66k/anyone_else_do_this/
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So the other day I applied some lip balm, that obviously had sugar as one of the primary ingredients, and I legit started drooling you guys! Wtf is wrong with me???? Then the lip balm was all slippy from my watery ass mouth and it didn't even go on right haha (kill me).

Why do I have to be so pathetic. I am seriously a fat POS whose life revolves around what I'll be eating. Anywho, does anybody else drool at the thought/smell/sight of food(or sugar in my case) like that?

Also I'm on mobile, so sorry for no flair. I guess this would be rant?

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[Help] I've Hit Rock Bottom
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:58:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6el3k4/ive_hit_rock_bottom/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Her name is Elouise
/u/yougotmefeelinghigh
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:56:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6el39p/her_name_is_elouise/
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DAE call their disorder by a name other than the typical Ana or Mia, etc? Like have you given it a proper name when referring to it? To me, my disorder has been with me long enough that I feel comfort when it's at it's peak. I feel so proud like she's holding my hand cheering me on. I guess it's sorta strange to name your mental illness, but I was just curious.

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[Goal] June Goals
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | ☣️ | -85 lb | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:27:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekz3u/june_goals/
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This is the third month in a row I've done this, but it really helps me feel prepared and in control. Not all of my goals are ED related, and I enjoy going back and seeing what I accomplished last month.

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[Rant/Rave] Spicy food binge+ purging = oh dear god everything burns.
/u/caffeinecunt [5'3|A literal fucking whale| F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:22:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eky6o/spicy_food_binge_purging_oh_dear_god_everything/
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Old poster on a new account.

Dear God why did I do this. Ate a bowl of spicy ramen noodles and a tub of spinach salad as a binge. Went to go purge it up. Everything was going fine.

And then I snorted or coughed or SOMETHING mid purge and my sinuses we're flooded with the pain of the spice in the ramen. I can still feel it in my nose, but for a hot minute there my throat, nose, eyes, and ears were on fire and I couldn't breathe or see. I've purged spicy stuff before and this has never, ever, ever happened. And what's even worse is that I didn't even finish, but I'm too freaked out now to go back and get the rest because I don't want to deal with having my entire face on fire again.

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[Help] carbs are driving me to the brink of insanity
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 23:37:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekroz/carbs_are_driving_me_to_the_brink_of_insanity/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE feel strangely empowered by their ED it's resulted in positive personal development? [discussion]
/u/spaceeeeeeeeecadet [158cm | cw 52 | 21.54 | ugw 40 | 22F]
Created: Wed May 31 23:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekqny/dae_feel_strangely_empowered_by_their_ed_its/
---
Something very odd just happened an hour ago that I am trying to process. I don't quite know what to think of it, so I am hoping other might chime in too and share their thoughts and experiences. (Heads up! Long post, possibly rambley – please flair as discussion!)

There are a million reasons why I have a dysfunctional relationship with my weight and food. Beyond being chubby growing up and raised by a narcissist mother who constantly undermined my self esteem, my ED is a compulsion driven by my fear of being mediocre instilled in me from childhood. The thing is I know I look fine. I know I am attractive with a hell of a personality and brain. But the fact that I can lose weight based on sheer will power makes me feel closer to the woman I see myself as. I want to prove to myself I am a capable woman who accomplishes anything I desire, someone who created themselves to be exceptional through willpower and discipline. The sense of empowerment I get from my ED comes from my compulsion to be anything BUT average. I don't want to be "fine". I want to metamorphose into the person I have decided to be. I want to live my fullest potential. I am attached to the number on the scale for what it represents: proof to myself that I can manipulate this silly arbitrary number simply because I decided to. I have an inherent need to prove to myself that I am capable of following through on SOMETHING because so much of my life feels so out of my grasp. Thinness is a personal reminder that I am one step closer, one step more capable.

So where am I going with this? I have always been terrible setting personal boundaries and putting my self-worth before others (see: r/raisedbynarcissists). Like any good story, there is a romantic interest.

So here's the thing, I really like this guy. I like this guy in a way that I have not liked someone before. I am attracted to someone's character over physical attraction ANY day. The more I get to know him, this goes beyond physical attraction. I am absolutely smitten by the kind of person he is.

Cue the existential ED-fueled metamorphosis of my womanhood...
Old me, pre-ED aware me, would cling to hope of this man's returned affections. Except that didn't happen today. Since being aware of my ED and integrating it into my life in the least harmful way, goddamn I feel empowered. In fact I feel so empowered I stopped everything whilst we were in the throes of passionate love making and I was honest about how I felt. It was terrifying, but I did it. I did it because ED-brain says I'm a badass bitch and dick is a renewable resource cause the D ain't nothin but a vitamin.

"I FEEL LIKE A HUMAN DILDO", I exclaimed. Sure, not the most graceful or eloquent, but it was honest and humorous enough to break the ice for what I was going to say next.

I proceeded to be extremely blunt about my personal boundaries,
"The reason why I got weird is because I get nervous when I feel myself getting attached to someone. If I'm being completely honest, I like you, but I don't like feeling like a human dildo. I just need you to be honest with me, because I need to know whether we're on the same page moving forward."

Like any male, willing to distract from any obstacles to acquiring sex, he tried to skirt the issue and humorously beat around the bush. I ignored this and I told him to think about what I said and sleep on it. Honesty is all I am asking for. And so, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and I left.

I have never in my life been able to do this before. EVER. I am so proud of myself. Setting personal boundaries is a gigantic demon that has haunted me forever.

I guess I'm sharing this because I am wondering if anyone else can relate? Does anyone else experience positive/healthy effects in personal development that is strangely enhanced by the habits/psychology of their ED?

P.S. Before finding this community, I would have never thought I had an ED. The outpouring of honesty and genuine support here fills my heart with hope that people can and want to be genuinely good human beings to one another. Since being honest with myself about having an ED, I have never felt more liberated and I have never been more patient or compassionate with myself. Thank you all for being such kind and beautiful souls!

---

[Discussion] Question: What's everyone's Diet like? Vegetarian Etc
/u/Onthedownlowplz [5'8|cw51.4kg|bmi16.4|M19]
Created: Wed May 31 23:23:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekpcr/question_whats_everyones_diet_like_vegetarian_etc/
---
I was just curious how many people eat what? Personally I'm a vegetarian but am actively trying to avoid animal products (Milk etc)

---

[Discussion] Comorbidity question/discussion?
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 31 23:22:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekpbl/comorbidity_questiondiscussion/
---
Not sure if this is allowed, if not I'm sorry.

I'm just sitting here having a breakdown and falling back into some weird depersonalization/dissociation shit and it made me think about how EDs are mental illnesses that usually coincide with other struggles. How many of you are well adjusted other than your ED? If you aren't, then what else do you all battle? Are you feeling ok right now or do you want/need to vent a little bit?

---

[Discussion] Oreo O's are coming back. R.I.P. my self-control. (On the bright side, a cup is only 120 calories...)
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Wed May 31 23:09:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekna1/oreo_os_are_coming_back_rip_my_selfcontrol_on_the/
---
https://www.popsugar.com/food/Where-Can-You-Buy-Oreo-O-43589573

---

[Rant/Rave] Eating literally makes my skin crawl
/u/Ocerotten [5'7 | CW 103lbs | BMI 15.7 | M]
Created: Wed May 31 23:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eklzh/eating_literally_makes_my_skin_crawl/
---
I just hate it. I hate eating, seeing other people eating, the sounds, the feeling of being full, I hate the entire concept. It makes me feel guilty and greedy and overall disgusting. I had two pots of tea over the course of today but then I had almost an entire bag of chips (one bag being two servings) in one sitting and I've been feeling horrible about it all day. Like, I had to give these chips away to someone else because I felt so gross. I'd never judge another person for how much/often they eat, it's only shameful when it's me.

I don't even care about gaining weight, or about nutritional value/calories at all. If you were to put a tablespoon of food that added up to 10,000 calories and a plate full of food that was 0, I would still take the calories any day.
I feel SO ridiculous for being this hung up about what ought to be a normal every day thing, but that's just how it is.

---

[Meme/Humor] My aunt bought this for me to do my food diaries and weight charts in. It may be the best gift I've ever gotten.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Wed May 31 22:25:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekfpw/my_aunt_bought_this_for_me_to_do_my_food_diaries/
---
https://i.redd.it/9jb07h45oy0z.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Mom making comments about weight
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Wed May 31 21:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ek5o9/mom_making_comments_about_weight/
---
Today my mom commented "you're looking too skinny again.." and it literally made me SO happy! She used to say that to me all the time back when I was really skinny, so that's proof that I'm on the right track again!
Hah sorry, just wanted to rave about it c:

---

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend Keeps Calling Me 'Thicc' and Squeezing My Thighs/Stomach [Rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 21:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ek20d/boyfriend_keeps_calling_me_thicc_and_squeezing_my/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] noooooooooooo!!! 😭
/u/questions_anonymous
Created: Wed May 31 20:49:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejycr/noooooooooooo/
---
So I opened up a 2L bottle of what I thought was diet Dr Pepper, and about halfway through it (I drink soooo much diet soda that it takes no time to down a huge bottle) I got paranoid and double checked the label and lo and behold it was not. I just chugged like 500 calories of pure sugar. I had been doing so well today too! fml just harpoon me now 🐋

---

Links to "hardcore" sites?
/u/Fatisserie
Created: Wed May 31 19:53:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejnig/links_to_hardcore_sites/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] (Intro) Hello lovelies!
/u/youcanfadeaway [5´7 | CW 155 ? | GW1 140 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 19:28:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejinq/intro_hello_lovelies/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] My friend got angry at me
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 18:53:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejbyq/my_friend_got_angry_at_me/
---
Yesterday morning my friend got *herself* angry at me over something stupid. (I'd explain but it's kinda long)

So later during lunch at school she got me edamame (it was literally over a cup of it) with her lunch thinking it would magically fix everything since she knows I like vegetables (Except foods like edamame because of the calorie count...) I said that I couldn't eat it (Plus I had cucumber slices so I was fine) and that she could have it. She got all angry all of a sudden and went "Well, SORRY I thought of you!" and started yelling at me... She ended up throwing it in the trash saying "Well I guess I wasted my money on you then!"

...Why am I even still friends with her. She knows about my ED but doesn't really understand it at all

---

[Rant/Rave] I did it... I guess?
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 143 | -22 | HW: 172 | GW: 125 | 20F]
Created: Wed May 31 18:49:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejb5f/i_did_it_i_guess/
---
I lost twelve more lbs and am now FINALLY a size small, but everything still sucks. I dunno why I thought anything would change. I'm still broke, still depressed, still _feel_ ugly. I still feel like shit. Objectively I know I look better but it just won't resonate with me for some reason. l I feel like I should eat something to celebrate but I've maxed out my credit card (probably a good thing anyway otherwise I'd be bingeing by now).

Yay for fasting and restriction and emptiness, I guess. Why am I so bitter and angry???????????????

---

[Other] Holy Anorexia?
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Wed May 31 18:45:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eja93/holy_anorexia/
---
Okay so sometimes I get obsessed with looking up the history of things, and while I was looking up Eating Disorders I stumbled upon [anorexia mirabilis ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorexia_mirabilis)

I'm going to the library tomorrow to get two books about the history of ED's 👀

---

[Discussion] What exercise do you guys do? [Discussion]
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 193lb | 23.9 | -57lb | F]
Created: Wed May 31 18:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ej6i3/what_exercise_do_you_guys_do_discussion/
---
Looking to add some exercise into my routine, so that I hopefully maintain my muscle or get even stronger! I was hoping you guys would share your routines with me. Thank you. 💖
(Hopefully this isn't against the rules, I apologize if it is!)

---

[Discussion] How often do y'all poop
/u/canned-phoenix-ashes
Created: Wed May 31 18:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ej1dy/how_often_do_yall_poop/
---
Honestly this is just curiosity

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[Rant/Rave] I want to starve myself to death
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Wed May 31 17:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eitta/i_want_to_starve_myself_to_death/
---
My family is horrible. It's always "its all you're fault" "You're a fat bitch" "I hope you die" "I'm gonna go to jail because of you"
Well you know what?
Fine. Go to jail. Maybe you should considering you're gonna cause my death and possibly my sister having anorexia when she grows up due to you calling her a "Fat bitch" rather than explaining why the things she eats is unhealthy.
Fuck everything. I want to die. I'll starve until I fucking turn into dust.

---

[Discussion] has anyone successfully stopped counting calories?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 17:03:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eiphv/has_anyone_successfully_stopped_counting_calories/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Went to the therapist today.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 31 16:50:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eimrf/went_to_the_therapist_today/
---
I almost had a panic attack beforehand. When she said "What do you want to talk about today?" I said "My sister thinks I have an eating disorder. I think I do." And then suddenly I was choking and crying, the kind of big ugly sobbing that hurts your chest. And I told her everything. And I mean *everything* - The mean pictures I have saved on my phone. My horrible thoughts towards myself. Restricting to 300 calories a day. Skipping meals. Pretending like I ate more than I did. How I want to cut myself open and take my fat out. Once I started talking I couldn't stop.
You guys. I feel lighter than I have in months. She asked a few questions but mostly just listened and it was such a relief. I have another appointment in a couple of weeks. She wants me to "legitimately try" to eat 1200 calories every day. I feel like maybe I can do that. I just feel so... unburdened right now. I wanted to share it with you guys.

---

[Discussion] What's your streak on MFP or LoseIt?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Wed May 31 15:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehzrr/whats_your_streak_on_mfp_or_loseit/
---
I'm at 128 days. If I lost it I might actually cry.

---

[Discussion] Is your ED a secret?
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Wed May 31 14:50:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehvpc/is_your_ed_a_secret/
---
None of my family or friends know, my GP (doctor) didn't take it seriously when I told them a few months ago.

I feel like eventually it will go away naturally, I'll learn how to deal with food cravings, instead of just chewing and spitting. Once I move out, If I don't buy anything I will regret eating, I will save money too.

---

[Rant/Rave] Another win, another moment of mental conflict
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 14:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehlqa/another_win_another_moment_of_mental_conflict/
---
My dietician was so proud of my ability to be flexible while away this weekend that she's ready to start spacing out our appointments to every other week. She asked how I felt about it and I feigned excitement for the right reasons, when really it's for all the wrong reasons.

I'm lying like crazy when my entire team was on top of me for that. Last appointment she's concerned over weight loss, and thanks to my water hungry ovaries that's not as much of a concern. I mean, I don't really know what to say to her sometimes so that's a plus. There's also that level of guilt of getting that praise after restricting all morning and lying about it.

Also: she's the only provider my damn insurance covers so I don't even save money. Oh life is funny. At least I save an hour of awkward conversation every other week.

---

[Thinspo] Paris Hilton
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed May 31 14:03:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehk73/paris_hilton/
---
http://imgur.com/a/MIlcD

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[Rant/Rave] The ciiiiiiircle of lax
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Wed May 31 12:44:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eh0ld/the_ciiiiiiircle_of_lax/
---
1. Lax your poos away

2. Decide to stop taking lax (BONUS! Mom comes to visit and watches you eat your dinners)

3. Can't poop for several days

4. Chug water and eat 2-3 90 cal Fiber One bars a day along with spinach/spring mix salads

5. Suffer a few more days of constipation

6. Cave in and buy lax

7. Repeat

---

FSU Research Study
/u/risklabfsu
Created: Wed May 31 12:34:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egy30/fsu_research_study/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Cedar Point Panic
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Wed May 31 12:24:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egvt6/cedar_point_panic/
---
Calling out to all you midwesterners out there. I'm going to Cedar Point this weekend with the Bf and they have a strict "no outside food" policy unless you have some severe dietary restrictions. They can accomodate most allergies and both veggie and vegan needs at restaurants in the park, so that's a no go.

So far I can only find the nutrition facts for two restaurants (DQ and Johnny rockets) and am freaking out. I can't eat anything at Johnny Rockets, and while I could handle DQ (grilled chicken salad for 150 cal and 23g protein is a great option!) I run the risk of not being near that restaurant when they want to eat and feel lile I should have more than one thing I can eat.

I've never been to Cedar Point before and could really use advice from people who have.

Please help!

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] back "home" and hating life
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Wed May 31 11:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eglii/rantrave_back_home_and_hating_life/
---
After spending a month in the lovely sunny Gulf I am now back in the UK (which has been my temporary home for 2 years while I finish my masters). There are many nice things about the UK but a lot of my experience has been tainted by the particular people I'm surrounded by, a lack of enthusiasm for my course etc etc etc. So, disclaimer: I don't hate the UK as a whole but my unique experience of it has made me super depressed.

Walking into my house, smelling the stuffy smell of my local co-op just makes my heart sink. It's summer but the people at my university remain cold and uptight. In the Gulf everyone and everything is warm. The POINT being that because my mental state is relaxed and sunny there I found it so easy to restrict. The second my mindset changes it becomes so hard. I was eating 600 cals like it ain't no thang and now I'm back to 1000 and miserable and feeling like I'm losing grip. I just want to go back to my for real home where my for real friends and boyfriend are. It has been so long being away and all I've done is isolate myself and gain an inordinate amount of weight. There is almost nothing positive to take from the experience. I left when I was 24 and I'm now 26 and it kills me to think I spent two years of the best period of my life being somewhere and doing something which made my stomach turn. Everything about the familiarity of this university makes me want to cry.

I just want to go home :(

---

[Help] Eggless muffin recipe?
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Wed May 31 11:39:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egkk5/eggless_muffin_recipe/
---
I feel like baking but it has to be low-cal (obvs)

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[Discussion] Troian Bellisario stars in new film 'Feed' is she wrote based on her eating disorder... thoughts?
/u/more_willbe_revealed
Created: Wed May 31 11:38:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egkfe/troian_bellisario_stars_in_new_film_feed_is_she/
---
https://youtu.be/9nP0FUOCAIY

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[Rant/Rave] No Control Of The Kitchen
/u/antkings [21.1 | M | -79 | GW 105]
Created: Wed May 31 10:29:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eg3ea/no_control_of_the_kitchen/
---
I was homeless for a whiles after having a mental breakdown where I quit my job and moved out of my apartment and threw everything I owned in the trash. I wandered around the US for about a month before wanting to try to be mentally stable and coming home and admitting myself to a mental hospital. There, they force fed me to gain ten pounds, and when I got out, my mom took me in. Now, I'm sleeping on her couch. She has a tiny apartment where the living room where I'm sleeping is literally attached to the kitchen. I'm constantly surrounded by food---- and the worst thing is, my mom stocks it with all junk food. She knows I'm a vegan and a healthy eater so she started buying fruits and veggies.... But she still has massive amounts of chips, bagels, ice cream, cookies, bread, peanut butter, popcorn, juice, frozen pizzas, onion rings... Everything a person could want to binge on. Just in the two weeks I've been there I've gained 10 lbs. I've binged hard every night!!! I'm also constantly surrounded by people, I don't have my own space, I feel totally out of control of my life and APATHETIC about it. I feel like I hardly even care if I get fat at this point , because I have no control, no motivation, and I already look like shit. My mom and her boyfriend and my sister are all fat (I love them, my mom and my sister are both extremely beautiful with their weight) and eat a lot so it makes me feel like why the hell can't I eat as much as I damn please too? Fuck, this is hard. How do I control myself if I don't have control of the damn kitchen? I can't eat like a normal person. It's either restriction or binge. I'd rather starve than look like this.

---

[Discussion] DAE have "eating disorder dreams"?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 10:17:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eg0h8/dae_have_eating_disorder_dreams/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Solidarity?
/u/antkings [21.1 | M | -79 | GW 105]
Created: Wed May 31 10:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efyvh/solidarity/
---
Has anyone else here gotten within a hair of their goal weight before binging forever? I was 109 for about two weeks before binging my way back to 127 :( is there a way out of this fucking cycle???? What's wrong with me???????

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[Discussion] does anyone else get a weird sensation in their mouth when they're hungry/have the urge to eat?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Wed May 31 10:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efyff/does_anyone_else_get_a_weird_sensation_in_their/
---
*edit: set the flair as "discussion" but idk if that fits best lmao
i sometimes get a weird sensation in my mouth when i'm alone and really hungry (late at night) or slightly hungry and bored—it verges on a tingling feeling, as if i physically need to eat. i usually ignore it or eat something small but it weirds me out since i only noticed it when i'm alone and i definitely need to exercise self-control instead of eating food when i'm not hungry. this might be related to restricting, but the almost-tingling feeling is so weird and i'm wondering if anyone else has experienced it haha!

---

[Rant/Rave] Life is hard y'all
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 10:07:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efy13/life_is_hard_yall/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finally 15
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Wed May 31 09:59:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efvza/finally_15/
---
5 months ago I planned to be at my ugw (105) by my birthday, Now five months later I weight in the 130s and am stuck in treatment. Happy fuckin birthday to me.

---

[Rant/Rave] stupid life things
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed May 31 09:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efplj/stupid_life_things/
---
There are days I'm more inclined toward the mindset that my bulimia is something I'll have to live with/I'm fine with it/I'm invincible/DENIAL LOL.

But there are days where I think I'm ready to cross over that other side brave souls venture into, and attempt "recovery" or whatever that means.

My bulimia has different ways of poking its head about. When a depressing/anxiety-proving/emotional stress shit goes on, bulimia is the first thing I think of (that or dying, but I digress). Bulimia is the first thing I think of so I can "punish" someone for a wrong I feel they've done to me (irrational and only hurt myself I know I know). Bulimia is what I resort to so I can feel like I'm having a "normal" day (dat control).

This feels so ingrained into my daily life/schedule. I'm scared of lots of things-changes, loss of love, loss of respect to myself, what people think of me, lots and lots of things.

But some days I think if I can finally do this thing and attempt recovery and make it out of this puke filled mess, I can become something more. Something better. Something that's not rooted in self doubt, self-hate, cruel competition, tears and fears and secrecy and lies and a false sense of euphoria, control and lots of guilt.

I'm in limbo and some days I tilt one way and the other I tilt the other it seems. I wish I can control it better-like a metronome or the balancing act of gymnasts and talented tight-ropers.

Limbo is the best word for what i'm feeling right now. And fuck it, that is a-fucking-okay.

---

[Discussion] DAE sabotage their food?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 09:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efpfw/dae_sabotage_their_food/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Instead of going to my internship, I'm "enjoying" a b/p and drinking session
/u/RandomHumanite [5'1" | 26/ F(???) ]
Created: Wed May 31 09:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efiq2/instead_of_going_to_my_internship_im_enjoying_a/
---
because fuck my impulses

Fuck ED. Fuck forgetting to take meds for 2 days. Fuck bipolar. Fuck being an alcoholic.

Fuck being a fucked up sad excuse for a human who just cant do shit and is about to squander something that's fucking great.

---

[Help] My trigger food is in the house, help :(
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Wed May 31 08:34:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efcba/my_trigger_food_is_in_the_house_help/
---
I'm already on 600 cals for today and I'm not hungry. But I want to stuff my face with one of my trigger foods. It's chili coated peanuts, I can't have just one I NEED the whole bag when I start eating them.

The entire bag is 700 cals. I'm freaking out how can I not eat it :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Thought I was a binger?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 08:11:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ef74c/thought_i_was_a_binger/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] When you binge and food poisoning is like, I got you boo.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Wed May 31 07:56:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ef3r1/when_you_binge_and_food_poisoning_is_like_i_got/
---
Yesterday I ate like 900 cals because I had a special steak dinner with my SO from Outback that was ~600 cals for steak/broccoli/house salad with ranch. I then also had two servings of my no sugar added Breyer's Butter Pecan ice cream for 200 cals.

Aaaaaand then I got soooo sick on my stomach from what I assume was old ass ice cream (it was like in the freezer for 3 months ew but I was so desperate for something sweet last night) that I threw most of the ice cream and some of the salad (ew) up.

I'd estimate that brought my cal count down to 700 cals.

Thx food poisoning <3

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[Rant/Rave] I can't weigh myself and it SUCKS
/u/kafka__dreams
Created: Wed May 31 07:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ef3dv/i_cant_weigh_myself_and_it_sucks/
---
I recently had a medical emergency where my family found out and had to aknowledge my ed, and to sort of seem like I was recovering I told my mom to get rid of the scale. I used to weigh myself like, 10 times a day. And I haven't been able to for like a month. And Im forced to eat dinner now and I had to stop taking EC stacks so I'm hungry all the time. I feel like I've gained at least 5lbs. FUCK

---

[Help] Mom moved the scale
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 | 21.68 | CW: 105.4]
Created: Wed May 31 06:45:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eepjo/mom_moved_the_scale/
---
So I go to weigh myself in the morning and the scale is gone. A little panicked because I need to know the number. Can't eat until I find it. I have no clue where it is either, I've looked in all the usual locations for it ah

EDIT: FOUND ITTTTTT!

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[Help] Does anyone know the quickest way to get rid of brain fog and like brain and body tiredness? Or have any tips?
/u/fuckthislol [173cm|skinny|F]
Created: Wed May 31 06:39:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeoi9/does_anyone_know_the_quickest_way_to_get_rid_of/
---
Basically I'm an idiot and I have the most important exams starting in a week and I NEED to to revise, and my brain is not working properly enough to comprehend what the fuck I'm reading and needing to remember and understand. I've been getting enough sleep and coffee isn't doing the job any more. This time last year I was using stims to power me through, although they didn't do the job great either tbh, but I have no access to them this year, other than caffeine pills and I donr want to start using them yet because my tolerance builds fast and I've got a month of exams ahead.

Has anyone got any ideas or know how to get the brain working ASAP? (Other than just increasing calories? 😥😥😥)

---

[Rant/Rave] "Guys like thick girls!"
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Wed May 31 06:34:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eenjl/guys_like_thick_girls/
---
Is what my friend said to me, the 95 pound girl who has never gotten any sort of attention from a female or male romantically. My friends are all heavier than me- but they pull it off so well and look so pretty. I am the only thin one in our group, and I tend to get body shammed quite alot for it. One of my friends specifically said "I hate skinny girls."
Thanks. Nice to know you hate me!
It's so strange. I know I'm thin but I still want to restrict? But I also want to stop restricting because now I'm self conscious about being too skinny?
This is so weird.
And messed up. I wish I had one person that thought I was pretty.

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 31, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 31 06:11:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eejjf/daily_food_diary_may_31_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 31, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 31, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 31 06:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eejdu/way_to_go_wednesday_may_31_2017/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 31, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Rant/Rave] What happened when I let myself eat for 3 days and how I'm freaking out and trying to handle it. Long post, advice very much welcome.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 06:07:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeita/what_happened_when_i_let_myself_eat_for_3_days/
---
This past holiday weekend, I took a train to London for 3 days. After a lot of back and forth, I told myself I'd let myself eat. There was some food there that sounded delicious and I knew realistically I couldn't fast those 3 days.

Guys, I went to a restaurant and ordered a burger, fries, and chocolate milkshake. I cannot explain to you how fucking amazing it tasted. I had a few donuts (Krispy Kreme is my weakness and the donuts here in France are severely lacking). Apart from that, I stuck to chicken and pineapple and other ~real~ foods.

I also wore the jeans that were too tight one month ago. And even with eating, they fit just fine. I wore them the whole time and never had that 'oh god I need to unbutton them now' feeling.

Also, I didn't poop. For those 3 days. When I travel, everything tends to stop up. Maybe it's the anxiety of worrying about finding a bathroom in a new place. I don't know. But I also quit taking laxatives last week after depending on them many years. So 3 days of food + no laxatives + no pooping AND yet my jeans still fit.

My guess why I didn't feel like a whale was the fact I walked 45+ miles this weekend. I walked all day and multiple apps clocked the same mileage.

I tried to tell myself 3 days wouldn't make a huge difference as long as I kept it at 3 days and didn't let it because 4 or 5 or so on. 45 miles plus eating should, in theory, be a wash. There is no way I overate my TDEE that much with that much walking.

However, even after pooping 104 times Monday and yesterday, I'm still 6 pounds heavier than when I left on Friday. I know it's not fat. That would be 21,000 EXTRA calories on top of what I burned. And there is no fucking way.

It was carb heavy and probably more salt than I've had in a while. I don't feel bloated, but I don't exactly feel light either. At this point, I'm just downing water like it's my job.

How long will this weight stay, damn it. I'm going on a stupid family trip in 5 weeks and that fucking scale stressed me out even more.

TL;DR: Milkshakes and donuts taste good, but not good enough to remain sane.

---

[Rant/Rave] I've been eating "normally"
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 06:05:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeifr/ive_been_eating_normally/
---
But I'm also an alcoholic. I hit 1000 and then I eat all. The. Things. Fuck my life 🙃. Idk how much but I'm night eating again with an increased intake. I don't wanna recover and I don't want to gain my weight back but guess who has no self controooooollllll🎵🎶🎵🎶🍷🍸🍹🍺🍻

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel fucking disgusting
/u/slipandsink [5ft5|CW:160lbs|GW:110lbs|BMI:26.98|Landwhale]
Created: Wed May 31 05:55:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eegli/i_feel_fucking_disgusting/
---
I'm now nearly 160lbs at 5ft 5. That's 50lbs over my goal weight, 25lbs heavier than my lowest weight which was only *1.5 years ago*. I am fucking disgusting. I try and fast and I end up breaking with a massive binge 10 hours in. I try and work out and I come home and binge. Purging makes me feel even more disgusting. I don't know how anyone can stand to look at me. I am fucking foul.

A year and a half ago I had a flat-ish stomach, I had a nice thigh gap coming along, I was starting to look acceptable. Now I look like a fucking marshmallow and nothing seems to help. I eat too much. I don't work out enough. I'm nearing my 30s and I'm losing my chance to be skinny, beautiful and pretty. I don't know what to do :(

I keep thinking "Just count your calories and macros and exercise moderately and it'll work" and it fucking doesn't. Then I think "well just fast for a few days" and it doesn't do anything. The scale just keeps going up and up and I'm terrified :(

---

[Rave] "You take up like, 1.5 pixel of the photo!"
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Wed May 31 05:47:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eefab/you_take_up_like_15_pixel_of_the_photo/
---
So I'm a senior, finishing up my last year in art school.

We just had a photo taken, to 'remember' each other and such. And my graphic design and photography professor just told me: "Ah, Vanilla, you're so teeny tiny! You must take up like, 1.5 pixels or something!"

**GUYS**

I

WAS

FLOORED.

I LOVE YOU, PROFESSOR!! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

---

[Discussion] Does anyone feel like their ED was fueled by playing with Barbie dolls?
/u/laciiou [F | 5'2" | cw: 133 | gw: 115 | bmi: 24.33]
Created: Wed May 31 05:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeaeo/does_anyone_feel_like_their_ed_was_fueled_by/
---
Growing up I always saw people slamming Barbie/similar toys for causing/triggering eating disorders and I'm wondering if anyone here relates to this? I personally don't but I'm interested in hearing people's thoughts on it.

---

[Goal] I thought I was slacking up on the weight loss but then I tried on these jeans I bought in March!
/u/draupert [170cm | CW 57kg | BMI 19,7 | GW 45kg | F]
Created: Wed May 31 04:16:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ee19j/i_thought_i_was_slacking_up_on_the_weight_loss/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] tmrw's vice: korean fried chicken SOS
/u/nakaiyuri [5' 4.5 // cw: ㅠㅠ // 🐕 🐕]
Created: Wed May 31 00:40:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ed87n/tmrws_vice_korean_fried_chicken_sos/
---
hi ~~~ finally made an account on here to join the discord server lol but more importantly,, i've been more or less successful in fasting / low restriction the past few days (( yay )) but i have nyc plans with a friend of mine tomorrow and she had BEGGED me to take her to eat korean chicken,,,, and idk if y'all have had that before but honestly it's one of the reasons why i'm not really tempted by chicken tenders / chicken nuggets / regular fried chicken etc lol it's that amazingggg guyssss!! anyway i already agreed-- this was before my nice fasting & low restriction streak-- so now i'm really afraid for tomorrow :(


the idea of having to order mouth-watering, marinated-to-the-heavens fried chicken while trying to maintain my calorie intake is like The Last Supper to me, but i'm not ready to have a binge day tomorrow and break my streak
T . TT


i already spent like literally two hours hunting for the menu on yelp from other people's photos & trying to figure out what to order so i have some sort of a game plan???
also really just bums cuz it's not a chain or anything so there's no nutritional menu anywhere, it's all just "educated guesses" lol




i made peace w the assumption that 100g is 267cal while i was taking a shower (i've literally been thinking about this the whole day lol) but i'm worried about not being able to discern what 100g would really 'feel like'... and then i had this thought,


"what if I brought something that weighed 100g and like tested it out in my hand secretly and then ate similar 'weighted' portions of the chicken?????" like that’s gonna work LOL but omg i can't believe i even thought that bringing along a separate object to act as a reference for 100g could be okay?????! in a public setting???!!! *or idk maybe it’s not that bad bahahah*




anyway my two **most probable** options are to order the hella spicy chicken-- which might actually make my stomach forcibly succumb to how spicy it is and s t o p e a t i n g


or order the soy garlic kind and use my will power to stop at a certain point


or I mean I /could/ just not order fried chicken but like :( that's going to be a sad day lol


help help help help




a catch-22 rly cuz my willpower sucks & i’ll prob keep eating through the tears from the spiciness but yeah anyway hi LOL i think all of you are v lovely and nice and if you have any words of wisdom or you wanna bond over korean chicken feel free to hmu ~~

---

[Rant/Rave] The Only Trick That Makes Me Conscientiously Stop Craving
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 31 00:40:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ed83x/the_only_trick_that_makes_me_conscientiously_stop/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Weight fluctuations: I'm going to Mcfreaking lose it
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Wed May 31 00:16:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ed4lv/weight_fluctuations_im_going_to_mcfreaking_lose_it/
---
On Monday I hit what I had planned as my "slow down" point (110) I would start trying to allow me eat more and keep losing but more slowly. On Tuesday 110 too, I'm so thrilled and happy I cried a few times during the day over it, but comes Wednesday? 116 freaking pounds, what the hell?

I'm honestly done with the scale, fuck it, fuck those numbers, fuck weight fluctuations and water weight and bloating!! Just fuuuuuuck youuuuu

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate how it's so much easier to lose weight in some areas but not the ones that I want to lose weight in :(
/u/fuckincaillou [5'6 | 130 | BMI: 21.89 | -20lb]
Created: Tue May 30 23:19:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ecvzi/i_hate_how_its_so_much_easier_to_lose_weight_in/
---
My chest and shoulders area has gotten much more bonier than when I first started and while I like it a lot, it's frustrating seeing little to no progress in other areas. I started so I could lose my butt and thigh fat but my body's holding onto it like it's going out of style! I see my hands(!) getting leaner and collarbones popping out way more often now, but every time I turn around and see that same bubble butt and cellulite on my thighs it makes me want to cry! Has anyone else encountered this?

---

[Discussion] [discussion] ED logic
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Tue May 30 22:42:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ecq3y/discussion_ed_logic/
---
I need help.

We all know about fat logic, what about Eating Disorder logic (disordered thoughts etc).
I'd like to talk about how our minds can lie to us. Because I spent too many fucking minutes debating if I should or should not eat more.

Ie: I don't need to eat today.
Those bags under my eyes aren't from restricting, I just need more sleep.
I'm tired, must mean I need more caffeine.
I had 75% of my planned intake in one meal. I really shouldn't eat any more.

---

[Rant/Rave] Thank god for MFP
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 21:57:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ecilk/thank_god_for_mfp/
---
[deleted]

---

Will eating so little cause me to plateau or ruin my metabolism?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 19:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebs21/will_eating_so_little_cause_me_to_plateau_or_ruin/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] trapped in restricting mode :(
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 97lbs | recovery, for now | ✨]
Created: Tue May 30 19:00:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eblep/trapped_in_restricting_mode/
---
this is honestly the worst thing and i want to stop restricting more than anything and just eat something normal for dinner but can't even entertain the idea of eating a full meal right now.


have eaten around 150 calories so far today and i feel trapped. i'm somewhere between 94-99.6lbs based on the three scales in my house and that makes me so upset for absolutely no reason. this is the first time i feel like it's not my choice to restrict and i just don't really know what to do to get out of this rut.

---

[Help] DAE get super bloated/full after a normal meal?
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 112 | BMI: 17.5 | GW: 110? | WL: 25 F]
Created: Tue May 30 18:40:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebhbe/dae_get_super_bloatedfull_after_a_normal_meal/
---
not sure whats going on with me recently! ive been having about 600-1000 cal a day for a month or so, not that low to restrict, and now a meal size that i used to have no problem with makes me super bloated/full like all i want to do is lay down and my stomach sticks out for a while. I just had a 300 cal soup and a 100 cal biscuit, and I feel like im gonna burst. happened with a 300 cal sandwich yesterday during lunch and when I had 5 scallops and some spinach for dinner！ its so annoying and uncomfortable :(

---

[Other] Kik?
/u/VowelsAreHard
Created: Tue May 30 18:24:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebe5b/kik/
---
[removed]

---

[Other] |Rant/Other/Help| Pros/Cons to eating more
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Tue May 30 18:23:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebdzv/rantotherhelp_proscons_to_eating_more/
---
Excuse this self indulgent post but I'm struggling with the idea of letting myself eat past 600 today and it's really bothering me. I feel like I'm always posting about this too, lol sorry. I make lists all of the time, especially whenever I feel conflicted so I thought a pros/cons one might help me make a decision already.

PROS -

I'm sick and my body needs more nutrients and energy to heal

I'll enjoy it while I'm doing it

It would only be for today

It may bring on a whoosh

It could help me poop

It wouldn't severely affect my weekly deficit

I'm going to die someday anyway

CONS -

I'll potentially feel guilty and fat afterwards

If i can't find an accurate calorie count that will stress me out further

What if I can't turn it off and I eat the pantry

I could retain water from excess sodium or carbs

Eating out is expensive and unreliable


...well....yeah, idk still. I know my dad is hungry and needs to eat so maybe if he gets something out I'll piggyback on his decision. I wish I could just eat like a normal person. This is so exhausting.

---

[Other] Weight loss noticed, not sure how I feel
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 17:29:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eb2qa/weight_loss_noticed_not_sure_how_i_feel/
---
I'm back home and I spent the weekend following a recovery meal plan. The ED is saying I binged like crazy when really I didn't. Yes, I had things like a burger, alcohol and other things that freak me out, but objectively I know I didn't go overboard. My scale is saying I gained but I'm taking that with a grain of salt. I'm about to get my period and again, with purging being something that ended up happening until the moment I left I'm sure it's water. I feel lucky that I'm able to recognize that the number isn't everything.

I just went out to coffee with a friend that I haven't seen since I left treatment a month ago. She flat out said she noticed I lost. I kept saying that I'm doing my best (and this weekend was a perfect example of me "doing recovery") and covering up the fact that 90% of the time I'm giving into the ED. I didn't think it was noticeable. It's making me paranoid that people noticed when I went back to my treatment facility last week to pick something up. I was hoping to grab and go, but naturally I got roped into conversation.

On one hand, I really want to lose weight but on the other I don't want people to notice. Because if they notice I'll have to stop. I also left treatment on a "we think you're a loss cause" note, so it makes me think I'm just proving them right. So even though the ED is having a field day with this, I'm conflicted.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to battle two sides of myself every second of every day. Nothing feels like a win, everything feels like a struggle. I just want one thing to be easy.

---

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else have a mother with an active eating disorder?
/u/wildstylemeth0d
Created: Tue May 30 17:23:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eb1jk/does_anyone_else_have_a_mother_with_an_active/
---
My mom has been bulimic for 40+ years. She's 65 years old now. About 10 years ago when I was in high school I caught her purging a few times, and I would react in anger, screaming and yelling at her and/or shaming her in front of family members. One time I caught her and literally screamed to the entire house that she was purging. This was because I was knee deep in my own eating disorder and blamed her fully for my fucked up relationship with food. Anywho, I don't want to get into specific details to spare myself the pain of writing them, but my Mother is definitely still bulimic. It's tough being around someone that you know is bingeing. I confronted my dad about this once who shrugged it off and said that "she's been doing this since the day I married her." Um what? so that makes it "normal??" Anyway, IDK what to do I guess. It's years later and I'm still working through my own fucked up relationship with food. The one time I confronted her as an adult she said "I'm not bulimic, I'm 63 years old, I'm too old to have that, I don't care about looking good for anyone, etc etc."

Oh also, she spends most of her time commenting on other people's bodies. She even talks about my FOUR year old neice's "shapely" thighs and says that she is "chubby." She will point fat people out on the street or make comments about other women being fat. When I was little, she told me that eating meat makes you fat, and thus I went 15 years or so without eating any red meat whatsoever. I remember being at a restaurant when I was 9 or 10 and said I didn't want to eat my food because it was "too many calories" and would make me "fat." Can you imagine?? My family friend was shocked. My mom is 100% the reason that I have a terrible relationship with food and with my body.

So, I guess I don't really know where I'm going with this. This is more of a rant. Should I call her doctor and explain the situation? I mean, daily purging for 40 years can't really be sustainable. There have to be some adverse effects. Also, this is unfortunate proof that sometimes you won't ever recover. I'm curious if anyone else has a mother with an ED.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] hahahaha fuck
/u/gl1tt3rv01d [5'8 | 153 | 23.2 | -68 | ftx]
Created: Tue May 30 16:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eawfn/rantrave_hahahaha_fuck/
---
soooo my partner and i are about to be in a situation where itll be massively too easy to restrict heavily so long as i dont pass out in public (i can carry her, not vice versa)

lets play jumprope with recovery!!! and im a fucking binge eater!! so heavy restriction looks ok!!

my emotions arent ok for this lol

but eh I'll pretend to be ok bc i know i cant afford to snap.

(signal me if you do read this i wasnt hiding this account)

---

[Discussion] DAE want people to notice but not try to stop you?
/u/Hyde25 [5'6'' |101.2| 16.40| F]
Created: Tue May 30 16:53:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eavbu/dae_want_people_to_notice_but_not_try_to_stop_you/
---
I went to see a psychiatrist for the first time in a few years (for non-ED reasons). Before the appointment I was weighed and I kind of wanted her to say something about my weight. Just acknowledge that its low but at the same time I don't want her to try to make me recover. I told her I restrict, and that I'm losing weight and she didn't seem to care. She wasn't bothered by my weight at all because she said I have a "slight/slim" body type.

I'm just so conflicted. I wanted her to notice and not notice, but knowing she thinks my weight is fine just makes me want to lose weight that much more.

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I'm broken. [Rant]
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Tue May 30 16:30:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eaq90/i_think_im_broken_rant/
---
I've been binging for the past two weeks straight. Not just refraining from restriction - full-on, disgusting, eating-sugar-from-the-bag binging. 5000 calories a day binging. I can't stop. I don't know how. I've put on 3kg. I can feel my fat everywhere, when I sit down, when I walk. My friends have told me I'm letting myself go. When I go out to nightclubs people actively avoid me. People stare.


My exams are next week. Two weeks after that is prom. A week after that, I'm going on vacation. And I'm fatter now than I ever was. And I don't know how to get back to eating normally. I try to just eat maintenance, just eat 1500, 2000 - no, I'm just hungry all the time. I just want to consume. Endlessly.

I don't know what to do. Everything hurts. I just want to go back to restricting and being happy. I just want to lose all of this weight and be halfway thin again. I don't want my prom photos to be of a fat pig. I don't want to go on vacation and be that fat, pale foreigner with the crooked teeth. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, and I don't know how to stop.

Advice???

---

[Other] A documentary not starring teenagers
/u/canned-phoenix-ashes
Created: Tue May 30 15:50:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eahgs/a_documentary_not_starring_teenagers/
---
https://youtu.be/Y_NS6IcTma8

---

A documentary not starring teenagers
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 15:48:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eah8k/a_documentary_not_starring_teenagers/
---
https://youtu.be/Y_NS6IcTma8

---

[Other] documentary not starting teenagers
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 15:48:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eah1w/documentary_not_starting_teenagers/
---
https://youtu.be/Y_NS6IcTma8

---

[Intro] hello pals
/u/foxlatte [5'9" | cw: 185.2 | bmi: 26.9 | gw: 130 | 21f]
Created: Tue May 30 15:26:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eabx4/hello_pals/
---
i'm not new here but i did make a new handle, i was puddleclub

basically i have ednos and recently relapsed 3 weeks ago so lol welcome back @ myself

i'm also on the discord chat, same handle~

---

[Other] tfw you're diabetic
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 139 | GW 88 | -25 | NB]
Created: Tue May 30 15:20:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eaan8/tfw_youre_diabetic/
---
but it's decently-controlled and you're tempted to go off your meds and eat like shit so that your blood sugar gets high enough for you to start losing weight again


I mean never mind that it'll actually melt my body from the inside out and I'd lose my eyes and hands and feet eventually and I would literally damn myself from doing the things I love, right? #justEDthings

---

[Rant/Rave] my girlfriend doesn't seem to think i have a problem
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 86 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Tue May 30 14:41:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ea1rx/my_girlfriend_doesnt_seem_to_think_i_have_a/
---
i've been dating my girlfriend for a month now, and she's great and we connect on so many levels. but, despite knowing about my ED "past" - i was inpatient december through january, and since we were super close friends at the time, i told her how i'm anorexic and was purging. she didn't seem to know what to say at all. after a few weeks, when i was venting about still being there, she asked if i even needed to be there at all to begin with.

she's bigger and curvier and i think she looks amazing. she says she loves my body, too. she knows i'm very underweight but doesn't really seem to mind aside from offhand comments about how i'm really skinny and could afford to gain a little. i've never eaten in front of her even at obvious meal times, but it doesn't seem to concern her much.

i know she just doesn't understand and doesn't mean anything by this, but it still really hurts for some reason. it makes me feel not sick enough, which i know is stupid, but still. i'm still hung up on her asking if i even needed to be inpatient; that's even stupider but it hurt so much.

i've never even gotten asked or accused by anyone about having an eating disorder. i feel like no one in the world notices except my family. the fact that she doesn't seem to pick up on the fact that i ever had a problem just really makes me feel invalid and inadequate.

---

[Rant/Rave] WTF, scale?
/u/BodilySolids
Created: Tue May 30 14:41:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ea1pe/wtf_scale/
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So I have been restricting to 250-600 calories a day for over four weeks now, maybe closer to 5, with only two 1000 cal day slip ups, and my scale has. Not. Budged! I'm so frustrated, because I can see in my daily body check photos that I'm visibly a bit smaller, and I'm not working out so I can't say it's muscle or anything like that. I feel like I'm depriving myself for no reason, but I know if I eat I'll get bigger. I just don't understand why not eating isn't making me smaller!

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[Discussion] Different reasons for ED?
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Tue May 30 14:14:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9viu/different_reasons_for_ed/
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(Cant flair, mobile.)
Alot of reasons are fairly similar,although I don't know much about binge eating disorder. But I'd like to know if anyone out there has an eating disorder for an uncommon reason? That way both you and I feel less alone- because eating disorders happen no matter the reason.
Mine?
I have a severe amount of depression and my hard headed parents dont help with it. I never get any help because of them- it's always "My problems are worse, you dont need the help."
So, in my weird little mind, if I starve myself enough, I'll eventually get help. Maybe someone will notice, I'll pass out and end up in a hospital. Somewhere where I can get out. I of course, hate my body image as well, but my thoughts tend to change alot. I either think I'm too fat or I'm too skinny. I have come to the conclusion that I just really hate my appearance.
So, those are my reasons. I'm an attention seeker and a self loather. So if you do this for any other uncommon reason, you arent alone. Promise. Everyone has different reasons, but that doesnt make you less valid than anyone else here.

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[Discussion] My fitness pal and Fitbit burned calories accuracy?
/u/Andersoncooperspenis
Created: Tue May 30 13:58:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9rw4/my_fitness_pal_and_fitbit_burned_calories_accuracy/
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Hi guys! So I've had my Fitbit linked to MFP for a couple months now. There is always a vast disparity between how many calories my Fitbit says I burned and MFP says I burned.

Take yesterday for example. I walked 11,063 steps, and my Fitbit says that's a whopping 2,523 calories burned. My steps are imported to MFP and the calories burned is always adjusted, this time to 482.

I always go with MFP's numbers to be safe, but I'm just curious if this happens with anyone else??? It seems bizarre

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[Intro] hello hello darkness my old friend...
/u/LazyFawn [18f 🌻 gbmi 17.5 🌻]
Created: Tue May 30 13:38:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9n5o/hello_hello_darkness_my_old_friend/
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i'm back! Fat as ever, but working on it. turns out i was constantly binging because of depression, so lol @me being 2.2 kg from my gw

don't actually know what i weigh right now - my parents took away the scale a couple of months ago, but i know it's in the garage somewhere...

i'd estimate i'm 58 kg, i almost have my thigh gap back (which i first got around 54), but also i have bellyfat and my arms are big, and those are places i didn't have much weight in before, even when i was 65 kg. also got huge boobs now, was a blessing at first, now i hate it

anyway, i've been intermittently fasting / only eating dinner for a week now, and i'm pretty sure it's safe to say that i'm back in. parents can't know though, so i'll stick with this. makes it easier to keep at too, with the depression and all

as so many other lovely people on here i struggle a lot with self hate and body dysmorphia. otherwise i've got the diagnosed depression (ED is symptom of it, thx doctors) and a bad heart

anyway, i want to do more than just lurking ~~+ i never got to make an intro post when i first started~~

also considering joining the discord, is it active? how do you guys like it?

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[Rant/Rave] I binged like a madwoman all weekend and then got on the scale
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Tue May 30 13:21:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9jfa/i_binged_like_a_madwoman_all_weekend_and_then_got/
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So, I've been having problems with extreme hunger, and I decided to just let myself eat basically as much as I wanted to for a good 3 or 4 days because I've been caught in a restrict/binge cycle for months. So I stopped calorie counting and just let myself eat as much as I wanted, whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate until my stomach hurt and kept eating past that. I kept a rough running total in my head, and mathematically I should have gained a good 3 lbs at least.

I mean, it was gross. I shoved so much shit down my throat that I really don't know how my body accepted it all. Fries. Cereal. Pints upon pints of Halo Top and Enlightened. A burger on brioche French toast topped with an egg, pancake-coated bacon, and strawberry sauce. Chili. Spaghetti. A 1200 calorie bag of rye chips. Cake. Alcohol. The indulgence factor was off the fucking charts. I just went nuts.

After a few days I felt like I couldn't do that anymore, so I went back to calorie counting yesterday. Originally I was going to wait a week of eating more normally before weighing myself because I didn't want to freak out and hurt myself or something. But curiosity got the better of me, so I weighed myself last night to assess the damage, especially with my "aging" 30 year old metabolism.

...I fucking lost a pound. WHAT.

Now, to be fair, it's probable that I was holding onto some period bloat weight and have replaced all but a pound of it with fat, but still, I was utterly floored. I obsess endlessly over differences of one or two calories, and then I spent days indiscriminately shoving endless food down my throat only to have the scale imply that it *didn't make any fucking difference*.

Even considering the period bloat possibility and knowing how CICO works, it still made me shake my head and think about just how pointless this is. How much I worry over things that don't matter. I'm wasting so much cognitive and emotional energy on inconsequential minutiae. I wonder how much I'd have accomplished these past 11 months if I had been free from this illness.

PS- I posted a couple weeks ago that some moron mis-entered my height in my medical chart. I had a nurse fix it today. So I'm all good on that front, other than him probably thinking (knowing?) I'm a total nutcase for being so worked up about it. 😂

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[Rant/Rave] Today is my scheduled binge day!!!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Tue May 30 12:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9746/today_is_my_scheduled_binge_day/
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Hi everyone!!! Sorry I didn't tag, this is a .. rant I guess?


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Normally I'm happy to indulge in my monthly binge day because I feel I've earned it. This month though, I'm have mixed feelings. Normally I work out like a fiend, but I recently pulled my groin muscle and have had to back off significantly. No more 6 mile runs, no yoga, and half my lifting days are a big fat no no. I've been walking but it's not the same. It really irritates my Ortho and makes me itchy inside.


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I'm doing my best to nurse my poor muscles and enjoy my binge today even though I didn't earn it like I normally do. I've also been mildly anemic lately, so that's something I'm going to have to figure out too.


-


I've already had a doughnut for breakfast and it was magical as I don't allow processes sugar in my normal diet at all. I'm also getting a (processed) vegan burger and fries at a restaurant tonight! So that's another thing I normally don't allow myself to eat either.


-


Honestly I just hope I can keep it together and actually eat the meal. Guilt and anxiety will be a givin as I didn't earn it, but I have so many coping mechanisms and ways of pretending to eat, but discreetly hiding food, that it's almost automatic at this point.


-



I'm leaving my big coat (big pockets), and signature scarf (to hide my hands and drape over my purse) at home and instead of taking a big purse with me I'll only be taking a pretty cluth that I never use because it's to small to hide food in.

-


Wish me luck tonight!!

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[Rant/Rave] Going to the doctor after a binge
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Tue May 30 12:19:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9522/going_to_the_doctor_after_a_binge/
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... and seeing all the other anorexics who are all so much smaller than me and definitely didn't just b/p 10,000 cals of Korean food. Fuck, man. Why do I even go to this doctor?

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[Discussion] DAE don't believe that anyone could be attracted to them?
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Tue May 30 11:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8z4b/dae_dont_believe_that_anyone_could_be_attracted/
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And that if they are attracted to you, they definitely won't be, when you take your shirt off?

I'm totally faux hot lol

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[Rant/Rave] I'm having weird feelings after feeling good about my body this weekend.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue May 30 11:22:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8rcm/im_having_weird_feelings_after_feeling_good_about/
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And it's making me feel totally nuts.

This weekend, I went to a pool party. This meant wearing a bathing suit.

Wearing a bathing suit for the first time since losing thirty pounds, wearing a bathing suit around my boyfriend's friends (one of which I used to sleep with woo), wearing a bathing suit around their girlfriends. You know, stuff that can trigger fuck-what-does-my-body-look-like-right-now-and-does-it-look-better-or-worse-than-that-person's-body feelings.

And you know what? I looked good. I felt good. I saw reflections of myself and liked what I saw. I had a good time at the party and was secretly pleased at being the hot one.

Of course, that feeling of contentment didn't last. I got home and started overthinking. What if being happy with how I looked means I'm going to start slipping? I don't want to be done losing weight yet. I'm not at my goal weight. Just because I don't dislike how I look doesn't mean I'm finished, and it's not a "shifting the goalposts" thing either - I haven't shifted anything, my goal weights haven't changed.

I know what you're probably thinking. It's what I'd be thinking, too. If you want to keep losing weight, just keep doing what you've been doing. You're the one that's been doing it, the only one that can stop you is yourself. Well, that's the thing. On the way home from the party, I was thinking to myself - I look pretty good. Maybe I don't have to be killing myself at this low restriction like I have been. Maybe I can up my calories and just lose slower. Would it really be the end of the world?

And my entire body is screaming YES of course it would you idiot, it would be like getting within sight of the finish line and deciding now would be a good time to lie down and take a nap.

And all of this coincided with being on vacation so I was eating at a higher restriction (still under TDEE) and not weighing myself so I'm kind of all over the place with that anyway and I'm just not sure how to feel right now.

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck my life
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 11:19:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8qp0/fuck_my_life/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My chronic stomach pain.
/u/yeezyblender [5'1 | 97 | BMI 18.3 | ]
Created: Tue May 30 11:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8m8b/my_chronic_stomach_pain/
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For the past 3 years I've had terrible stomach pain. It's crippling, terrible, and I've never known what caused it. I've been hospitalized twice because of it and I've had NO answer. CAT scans, blood test, pee test, ultra sounds (I even had a vaginal ultrasound which is just super weird if you've ever had on. Not the point tho) The last time I was hospitalized I thought I was dying because I was in so much pain. Basically the pain would start whenever I ate something. I had to stick to eating very plain things without a lot of flavoring. This sucks bc I used to be the type to eat jalapeños straight outta the jar. The pain did coincidentally start when I started starving myself more and more but I never realized I could actually be hurting myself so bad because of an ed I still won't admit I have. I've always talked about my pain with my aunt who has the same pain and never found an answer either. But she found out what it was last month. I don't know exactly how to explain it but her restricting her diet was the cause of it. The solution was for her to slowly start eating more. So that's what I started doing. It fucking worked. I spent thousands at the hospital. I spent so many hours in pain and all I had to do is eat more. However, I couldn't keep it up. I fell back in and now I'm in so much pain again and I know the reason is because I need to eat more and yet here I am. Not eating. I don't know what the point of this story is. Maybe that I deserve the pain since I can't do something as simple as eat 3 meals a day?

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[Rant/Rave] Drank my body weight in booze over the weekend but you know what? It's okay. It's okay. I deserve to feel happy.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Tue May 30 10:33:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8flh/drank_my_body_weight_in_booze_over_the_weekend/
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Saturday was one of my sisters in law's bachelorette party.

I started the day strong by not eating anything for breakfast or lunch.

The party started at 3pm at a winery, followed by dinner and then bar hopping. I had two glasses of super sweet wine at the winery (damn it) and split a plate of pasta with my SIL. So far, so good. I was doing "okay". Not great but okay.

Then came the damn bars. The damn BARS. Good god. I had, in total: Two glasses of wine, one glass of champagne, three nuts & berries (Frangelico + Chambord + half n half MY GOD IT'S SO GOOD), two buttery nipples, and three rum & cokes. I haven't calculated. I don't want to know how many calories that was.

But you know what? For the first time in months, maybe years? I had FUN. I had a fucking good time. I had fun with my friends. And after I got drunk I didn't give a fuck how many calories I had. I was free. And it was amazing. And I don't regret it. I deserved it. I'm back on my restriction as per usual now and I'm not gonna sweat this weekend for one second.

eta: Looking back over that I'm kind of shocked I didn't get alcohol poisoning tbh. Hot damn. I *never* drink liquor and haven't drank beer or wine in weeks. Then I was like "hey body, let's process 11 drinks". Wtf. Still had fun tho whatever.

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[Other] Struggle...
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Tue May 30 10:25:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8dv0/struggle/
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I always struggle with believing I'm enough. I'm not enough to be loved. I am not enough to deserve to eat. I'm not enough to deserve to exist.

My bf applied to a job in the Netherlands. We live in the US. I want to be supportive. I want him to go if he wants to. But I don't know how I can be ok when he leaves.

We broke up for a couple months a bit over year ago and even when I was "over" him and with other guys I never liked anyone like I love him. I'm an introvert, I don't let people in, I need my own space (I'm sure a lot of people here can relate). Whenever I'd be with a guy at his apartment or mine, I was always ready to leave or ready for them to leave after a couple of hours. But with my BF, even when we were first getting to know each other, i never felt that way. I always wanted him to stay over or to stay at his place. Even now, if I wanted to be alone I want to be alone with him. If I want to sit in silence and not talk, I still want him to be there. He's my safe space.

I wish I could be enough to keep him from leaving. He hasn't taken the job yet but I know how my life works out and I know he will. I try to pretend I'm ok but I'm really not. I'm not ok at all.

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[Discussion] Movies in Spanish?
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Tue May 30 10:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8de1/movies_in_spanish/
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I'm learning Spanish and trying my best to become fluent within a year or two. I am also obsessed with "thinspo" movies and movies about eating disorders.

So with that, does anyone know of any movies in Spanish that either are centered on EDs or are just generally thinspo-ish? Or any English movies that have been dubbed in Spanish?
A beautiful plus would be where I could find those (I'm not too hip with the youngsters and their illegal movie-watching).

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[Discussion] Relapse :/
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 10:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8cor/relapse/
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[deleted]

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[Help] I feel so low energy when fasting and I'm afraid people think I have no personality.
/u/alliwantistogiveup [5'1.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -7 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 10:07:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e89tr/i_feel_so_low_energy_when_fasting_and_im_afraid/
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It's ok if I'm just by myself all day but if I have to interact with people or go to work I don't want to seem like a super low energy person with zero personality. I don't want my boyfriend to feel like I'm boring and dull to spend time with. I want to be vivacious, lively, fun, but it's so hard to while fasting. Then I feel like I have to eat just to be a normal person.

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[Thinspo] Brit's stomach 😍
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Tue May 30 10:02:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e88r0/brits_stomach/
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https://imgur.com/a/WxCkv

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[Rant/Rave] Disordered Conversations
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 09:38:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e839d/disordered_conversations/
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http://imgur.com/a/jABX5

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[Discussion] what are your hobbies & interests?
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 09:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e81n9/what_are_your_hobbies_interests/
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hey!! after a week ish of madness and binging and generally being asocial as heck, I'm back!!

just a community building question cause I wanna know y'all better, what are y'alls hobbies and interests? other than pooping, my favorite things to do are probably playing ukulele and cross stitching. they're great time-killers and they're both really fun to me because it's like, I can practice and get better and make cool stuff and whatnot.

what about youuuu tell me everything 😻

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[Rant/Rave] Anniversary cheat day, hangover edition
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Tue May 30 09:27:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e80sw/anniversary_cheat_day_hangover_edition/
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I'm on mobile, flair discussion or help

I'm hungover, it's my anniversary, so fuck it I'm gonna eat WHATEVER today and go back to restricting tomorrow

I can do this

I have made GREAT progress

But I need ideas for foods that either help a mild hangover or at least won't make me hurl (I'd take a binge/purge ANY day over an involuntary puke bc it ALWAYS comes out my nose and usually doesn't when I purge for some reason)

Anyone got ideas for me?

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[Rant/Rave] ~JustEDthings is not knowing when you have to take a BM and then having to go at the worst time possible<3
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 09:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e7uqv/justedthings_is_not_knowing_when_you_have_to_take/
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Jesus fucking Christ.

So I wake up to go on a run , right? The sun is out, its slightly warm, wow, beautiful ! I decide to go on an 8k run- 4k one way, 4k back. About 2k out, Im having a great time. I've got a good pace, the sun feels great.

And then I feel a pressure in my abdomen .

Im thinking, "thank the Lord! Do I get a BM today?"

Im debating on turning back and following through with my blessing.

... But running :/

I decide to put it off and finish my run before trying to go.

I notice with each step the pressure is getting worse. I ignore it because burning calories is more important.

Finally I reach the 4k mark, and I have to shit so, so badly. The pressure is getting so bad, and runnings not helping. Im developing lower abdominal pain. Im still 3k away from home

Guys, this fucking sucks .

Moral of the story- if you have to shit; shit.

Ill keep you guys posted

EDIT;

The worst has happened. I finally cant take the pressure or pain anymore. Im thankfully near the woods (but also next to a busy road, and a busy pathway), and I decide to just ... Go in the woods. I go a few feet into the woods and wow. Best BM ever, except for the fact its in the fucking woods. Some people pass by and dont notice me which is great. I had to use a couple of stupid leaves as TP, and I sort of ruined my favorite piece of underwear because apparently I wasnt holding my bowels well enough .

When I finish I jump out of the woods and went to keep running but a fAucking couple was there and we made awkward eye contact before I run away while fixing my shorts.

Im not even running anymore. Im just doing the I- just shit-in-the-woods walk of shame. To add to the embarrassment I got some on my hand because leaves do not make great TP.

Needless to say Im taking a thorough shower when I get home.

At least it burned calories lol

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[Rant/Rave] Weekend at home because i had a meltdown [rant/rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Tue May 30 07:47:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e7fu5/weekend_at_home_because_i_had_a_meltdown_rantrave/
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Shameless "can someone just tell me it's going to be all okay" post here.

I've been eating ~900kcal recently, often less, and I got down to 58kg. Then, I had a meltdown and my parents told me to come home for the weekend.

My boyfriend broke up with me, my parents were concerned about how much weight i lost and my mum was watching me like a hawk.

In three/four days I probably ate about 2000kcal every day.

I just can't wait to go back and be back on my 900kcal plan.

Can someone just tell me that I can do it because I feel shit and so guilty right now, but I just couldn't stop eating.

EDIT: weighed myself and I'm 60kg again - this is okay, this is doable, this is reversible! Thank you everyone for your kind words. LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

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[Intro] Just a lurker coming out of the shadows...
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 132.4 | 19.6 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 06:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e70s1/just_a_lurker_coming_out_of_the_shadows/
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I've lurked for a bit and I find this subreddit helping me a lot. Usually nobody relates to how I feel all of the time about my weight, but everyone on here is in the same boat as I am. Finally a place where I can talk about what's happening and have people actually understand... It's a nice change.

Anyway, hi everyone! I've struggled with my weight ever since I was very little, overeating all of the time. I've been overweight all of my life until around two years ago. I lost over 50 pounds in about 6 months until I was 125, and I hadn't felt any better about myself ever. I loved being that weight. Somehow though last december I stepped on the scale and I was 158!! I was overeating again. I felt awful and extremely gross and needed to lose it all again. I'm 135 now but I feel like I'm not losing fast enough. Starting today I'm restricting more... I just want to at least feel as happy as I used to be, and I want to stay like that.

I also feel like I have body dysmorphia. When there's a reflection I always want to look at myself in it. Sometimes I look skinny, and sometimes I look gross and huge. I'm also always preoccupied with comparing my body to others. Uugh, it never ends!!!

I think that's all I have to say about myself... Other than that I just really appreciate you all.. I'm so happy I found this sub.

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 30 06:11:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6yhq/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_30_2017/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 30 06:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6ygt/daily_food_diary_may_30_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Discussion] My SO doesn't find skinny attractive
/u/forestfloorpool [170cm + bmi18 + gbmi16 +24f]
Created: Tue May 30 06:05:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6xkw/my_so_doesnt_find_skinny_attractive/
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My husband doesn't find long, lean and skinny physiques attractive. Now I am naturally built kind of that way (getting skinny isn't the motivation for my ED), and I would like to work towards losing a few more kgs. He has expressed how he doesn't like that body type, and doesn't find the usual VS model thinspo attractive. Now he isn't saying that I am unattractive, he just doesn't want me to lose anymore weight.

I won't ever really have the womanly figure, nor do I want it. Does anyone face this issue? My non-ED side wants to be attractive for my husband, but the other part of me wants to make myself happy. I don't want to gain 10kg (that's what he wants me to gain), I am not reaaaally underweight anyway. Ugh :(

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[Discussion] Recognizing thinspo?
/u/redzinnias
Created: Tue May 30 03:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6dnc/recognizing_thinspo/
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Do you ever recognize certain thinspo pictures when you're online? Whether it's because you saved them, have seen it so many times, or because you've stared at & studied it that if you ever see a reposting of it that's been edited, you can tell? I just saw some thinspo that I've spent so long looking at before, I could actually envision the girl's face even though it had been cropped out. It makes me feel crazy

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[Rant/Rave] Whenever I offer food to someone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 30 01:18:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5uid/whenever_i_offer_food_to_someone/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Saw pictures of myself from a year ago
/u/PutinsThirdLover [173cm | 52kg | 17.37 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 00:45:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5pzf/saw_pictures_of_myself_from_a_year_ago/
---
I was so much larger; I can't believe it. It doesn't feel as if much has changed but I was a good 10 kilograms heavier than I am now, and it scares me to think that I could be back there.

I feel like just one lapse of control will reset all of the progress I've made, and that's such a frightening thing to contemplate right now, because I'm trying to 'recover' and my parents are shelling out so much money for therapists and nutritionists but I don't even know what I want. I was a 'healthy' BMI then and I know I'm kind of underweight now, but I prefer being this way so incredibly much.

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] My two year anniversary is coming up
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Tue May 30 00:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5oxa/rant_my_two_year_anniversary_is_coming_up/
---
I just got a job which is awesome, and I'm on my feet moving around all day. Two or three days a week I have to do a lot of physical activity also! BUT I work at a food store with samples and prepared desserts, coffee drinks, gelato, pizza and other amazing foods. This is on top of the rest of the grocery section.
My anniversary is in two weeks and I have been slacking on working out bc I've been tired as fuck. Two nights ago my bf and I SPLIT A CAKE. **I HAD HALF OF A CAKE.** I need some fucking motivation bc I already picked my dress and it's hot, but I am not.

---

[Other] Sometimes I get jealous of the people on My 600 Pound Life
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Tue May 30 00:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5o17/sometimes_i_get_jealous_of_the_people_on_my_600/
---
Watching that show I get jealous of all the shit they eat and wishing I could eat like that too. But only for like a split second because I know how miserable and difficult their lives are because of it.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so fucking sick of this
/u/Jitterly [164 cm | too much | F]
Created: Tue May 30 00:22:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5my9/im_so_fucking_sick_of_this/
---
I'm so sick of making myself miserable all the time. I've had an eating disorder for as long as I can remember and I don't even have a personality without it anymore. No matter what i do I feel miserable. I was miserable at my low weight, I'm miserable now that I'm weight restored, and I was miserable at every weight in between. All I fucking do anymore is cry and pity myself and I feel disgusting. I don't want to deal with this for my whole life it takes up all my time, and yet I don't want to get better because my anorexia nervosa is part of who I am. Its part of what makes me interesting, it's something to strive for, and it's something that sometimes makes me feel ok about myself.
And now I just feel like a fucking cow since I'm not underweight anymore. I just feel like I've lost such a huge part of my personality and I want it back. I just want to feel small. I just want to be frail.
I don't know why. For as long as I can remember I've had it ingrained in my head that I was supposed to be the skinny friend and I'm just not. It feels wrong. I feel like I'm in the wrong body and like I was supposed to be naturally tiny.
I'm so trapped in this body I despise and every time I see myself I get bigger. I can't live like this.
I just want to be happy

---

[Rant/Rave] My coworker a why I am a terrible person.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon May 29 23:36:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5ged/my_coworker_a_why_i_am_a_terrible_person/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave

So first off I binged again and I feel terrible and have been aggressively tracking and logging my binges so good got me right now on to my rant.

I work in a kitchen as a line cook at a vegan restaurant. Naturally most my coworkers as skinny vegans. A few weeks ago a girl started. She is nonbinary like me but for simplicity she is a female I will call them R. So R works before me some shifts and we rarely overlap then fast foreword to the last two weeks we have closed together two to three nights out of five. They are 5 feet tall, pale, tattooes, very skinny maybe 80 pounds or 90 at most. kind of goth aesthetic like me and the kind I love and adore on others and me. Naturally I developed kind of a crush bug know and respect workplace boundaries and her having a partner. So I resented her early on cause she was still new and I just don't do well with other people cause I'm preoccupied with my ED. So I begin to take notice. She never orders a shift meal.

ED senses tingling. It's like I have a 6th sense for ED behaviors when I see them. She rarely eats and when she does its a solitary English muffin, dry and toasted with a small dab of jam. That's it. One te we were talking about a larger sandwhich we make at work and R remarked "that's more food than I eat in a week". Was she joking or serious. R is short, not very strong and has difficulty doing some things like reaching shelves or picking up full plates because they have like no muscle and said they never work out.

I feel like I send out red flags at work because I never eat. I only drink coffee and diet soda on my shifts and lots of water. Maybe my coworkers think or know I have an ED I don't really try to hide it but sometimes I talk about eating to seem normal and I have ordered food togo before and taken it home and binged and purged but only once at work because I can't purge at work.

Back to my coworker. I was talking to them and we have a lot in common we are both super into fashion and I feel like we could be friends but at the same time my ED tells me to hate them and keep really strict boundaries because I am not going to be shown up by some other person. My ED has me feeling like I need to compete with someone who I am so different from. They are 5 feet talk and a biological female so statistically smaller in frame already and I am 5'9" and a biological male with a medium frame it's not a lateral comparison and I know it but my ED tells me it is so now I feel like I need to up my game and be sicker.

When I was in treatment I never felt sick enough I was never underweight because I was bulimic and bulimic people are usually average to overweight unlike those with more textbook anorexia. I put on weight and now I'm average to overweight again. I want to be underweight so bad. It would suit my aesthetic and fashion desires more to be more model esqe and I just want people to see me and wonder how I'm even alive and so skinny.

I resent my coworker because they are small and delicate and fit the gothic aesthetic I desire and I don't feelvsick enough and now it feels like a game I am only bound to lose. A game with my life. I need to be thinner and sicker than them and I want them to know it.

I feel awful for thinking this. I wish I could just try and have a friend and not a competitor or an adversary. The game is on though and I feel like I need to be better.

Also happy memorial day to my fellow American lovelies. You are all beautiful.

-Willow

---

[Discussion] How do you guys deal with family dinners?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 23:30:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5fn9/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_family_dinners/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] I'm coming back here because...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 23:25:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5etx/im_coming_back_here_because/
---
...despite finally separating myself from an abusive relationship for good, I still feel it's consequences.
...I still find the skinny, tiny body to be the most desirable.
...this is the only way to keep myself focused.
...this is the only place that has always been unconditionally supportive and loving, where I feel welcome even though I am an ugly degenerate.
...hating yourself seems to be just too damn addictive.

Hi, I'm me, never been diagnosed but struggling with eating for 10 years now, mainly severe binges but also periods of starvation. I've been here before, several times. I don't know how long I've been away, and this username is all brand new. The only thing I can think of now is how lately I realized something: this has always been about trying to be the skinniest, so I can feel pretty and feminine again. But that's never going to happen. Even if I can lose enough weight, it won't fix my perception of myself. I'll still hate it all. Now I understand it's really about punishing myself for being such a waste of space and air. It's about dying slowly, quietly, in the background, so that you won't bother anyone. My body is already severely damaged; I want to at least feel what it's like to be skinny before I cease to exist.

That's all I can think of right now. I just love this place so much. Thank you for reading.

---

[Intro] Longtime lurker... Finally realized
/u/coffeepaysthebills
Created: Mon May 29 23:22:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5edf/longtime_lurker_finally_realized/
---
...that I really do have body dysmorphia. I never had consistent access to a full body mirror over the past few years so maybe this is why I have only realized just now, after years of worrying about my weight. Also rarely weigh myself.

Still hard to compromise my mindsets- on one hand, I'm tempted to count and restrict my calories as well as worry about how much exercise I'm getting. On the other, I feel content and want to go back to behaving like a normal person like the rest of humanity. Confident with my body.

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo album: BFFs
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 22:00:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e51aq/thinspo_album_bffs/
---
http://imgur.com/a/39huE

---

[Goal] 2 or 3 day fast accountability
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 21:30:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4wft/2_or_3_day_fast_accountability/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I did a thing....
/u/EmpressAdrianne [5'10"|CW171|GW~140|F]
Created: Mon May 29 21:23:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4v9v/i_did_a_thing/
---
https://i.redd.it/obsi4cze3k0z.jpg

---

[Discussion] I want to reach ~5lbs under my UGW and have huge binge day before starting maintenance.
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Mon May 29 20:56:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4qi3/i_want_to_reach_5lbs_under_my_ugw_and_have_huge/
---
I've been running this thought over and over in my mind. Instead of binging 2k+ calories in one sitting each week, what if - when I reached my UGW - I had a *massive* cheat day? Eating all of my favorite foods that I love but won't allow myself to eat. Here's how I'd do it:

1. Reach UGW
2. Drop a couple pounds (or more) below UGW, which will be gained back with the binge
3. Buy all of my binge foods, and in a controlled setting (with someone I trust to stop me from getting out of control) allow myself to enjoy them. I'm thinking around 7k calories worth of food.
4. Monitor my weight until I gain back to my UGW.
5. Maintain, rather than restrict, from there on.

Libra scale says, at my current rate, I'll reach my UGW on July 12. losertown (the website) says around July 20th. So to be safe (with the extra couple pounds) I'll probably have my binge day around the end of July.

At least, that's my thought pattern.

Am I crazy for doing this? I know you shouldn't use food as a reward, but I'm tired of the out of control binges every week. I haven't had one so far this week, but I don't want to be walking on eggshells around myself with this. So yeah, thoughts?

---

[Rant/Rave] "Recovery", gaining weight, feeling gross
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Mon May 29 20:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4q4m/recovery_gaining_weight_feeling_gross/
---
I think I've gained around 5 or 10 pounds. I hate how my clothes fit now. :(

---

[Other] A beginning to a collection of poems.
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 19:41:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4cy0/a_beginning_to_a_collection_of_poems/
---
http://imgur.com/a/7WCHQ

---

[Rant/Rave] Life changing dinner holy shit
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Mon May 29 19:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4c8y/life_changing_dinner_holy_shit/
---
Y'all I just on a weird ED whim decided to heat up a boca burger and spread a whole laughing cow wedge on it and OH MY GOD. I'm legitimately feeling stuffed because it was so damn savory. It was 125 calories and the taste reminded me of something and now I realize it tastes EXACTLY like a cheeseburger with American cheese from Red Robin. Like I swear.

Also now realizing you could add a 140 cal REAL hamburger bun and load it up with veggies and even ketchup and have a super satisfying fast food tasting cheeseburger for less than 300 calories. Holy shit.

---

[Rant/Rave] CURVES
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:119 | -13]
Created: Mon May 29 19:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4ayz/curves/
---
While discussing me potentially cutting off all my hair my husband tries to talk me out of it by saying he really like my long hair because femininity and it goes with my curves.

This is like the 1000th time he's called or insinuated that I am CURVY *cringe* and I never thank him...I don't understand how he keeps thinking Im taking this as a compliment.

Im not even a sexual person!!!
In fact, I just want my prepubescent body back and for everyone to stop sexualizing me. T_T

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE dairy free get so jealous of Halo Top?
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Mon May 29 19:25:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4a3x/dae_dairy_free_get_so_jealous_of_halo_top/
---
I'm a long-term vegan, but I FUCKING WOULD LOVE TO EAT HALOTOP. 250 cals in A PINT??? That would totally satisfy my cravings to binge.

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[Thinspo] My favorite thinspo of all time...
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 125 | GW: 110 | -13]
Created: Mon May 29 18:48:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e439e/my_favorite_thinspo_of_all_time/
---
http://imgur.com/a/MqRnN

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[Discussion] |Discussion| DAE get hungrier when they're sick?
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Mon May 29 18:38:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e41d6/discussion_dae_get_hungrier_when_theyre_sick/
---
I've been nursing some devilish laryngitis/cold hybrid this week and the cravings and hunger pangs have been *real*. I'm generally fine eating 5-700 calories a day but it's been such a fucking challenge to keep myself from caving for some reason. It's also exhausting going back and forth between 'your body is obviously telling you something' and 'hey fatty boom boom get over it'.

---

[Discussion] why do people say that you gain more weight from eating less?
/u/airbud1997 [5'8 / 126 lbs / GW 100 / BMI 19]
Created: Mon May 29 18:23:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3yoc/why_do_people_say_that_you_gain_more_weight_from/
---
seems like a bunch of bullshit to me. there's been times when I've lost 10 pounds in a week.

---

lowest cal dietary need?
/u/dontjudgelmao
Created: Mon May 29 18:14:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3wzh/lowest_cal_dietary_need/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] don't feel horrible about gaining a little weight
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Mon May 29 18:04:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3uva/dont_feel_horrible_about_gaining_a_little_weight/
---
idk what to flair this as so i guess a rave but i've gained a little weight over the past few weeks and although i feel the need to restrict and can't expect myself not to, i don't feel the awful self-esteem that i thought i would! which is maybe a smaller part of a much bigger process but it's something ✌️

---

[Discussion] Ramadan... DAE witness?
/u/Suusss
Created: Mon May 29 17:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3roq/ramadan_dae_witness/
---
SoOoOo I witness Ramadan, not bc im a devout practitioner lol~ but because i have to. I was reading the searched threads, and I want a refresher for others with ED who go through this time, cuz idk it's really relevant
from other posts:

Ramadan is when Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset. I personally like it because it helps me focus on self-control and because it is a super socially acceptable way to fast during the day.

This year I am away from home. I find it has problems with my tendency of BED and it being an excuse to binge on anything? And without any kind of community to feast with it messes with my year-round eating sched; control foods; night eating; and having energy to work out.

My current SO is really apprehensive about me witnessing because I'm not at home, nor with him for the summer, and I can just wait to eat at the place where I am staying for work... where I would be able to eat once in the evening at 5pm with these very old and catholic people.

I dont really know that much about fasting/what scientifically happens during the holiday period, but if anyone else knows something to spout at my SO that would be g-r-e-a-t because idk what else to tell him but oope it's something I have to do?

---

[Rant/Rave] I ate thousand calories in under 10 minutes
/u/canned-phoenix-ashes
Created: Mon May 29 16:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3hsi/i_ate_thousand_calories_in_under_10_minutes/
---
I was doing so good I was at 1192 and now I'm at 2241 one I fucking hate myself like it's like why beca what the fuck

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[Help] Don't want to recover, advice on discharging myself(UK adult)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 16:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3h2o/dont_want_to_recover_advice_on_discharging/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] [Help/Discussion] Has anyone done body contouring procedures?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 16:24:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3bv0/helpdiscussion_has_anyone_done_body_contouring/
---
Liposuction, coolsculpt, that kind of thing? I'm feeling so tempted to bite the bullet and do it lately. I'm tired of losing and gaining and losing and gaining and my hips/thighs/butt always looking exactly the same regardless of my weight. I sort of feel like either I'll do it and I'll feel better about how I look or I won't and I'll know I need to seriously pursue therapy but my body will look good when I recover.
What are your experiences with it and what do you think of people doing it?

---

[Discussion] Am I taking a big risk in buying clothes I can just fit into?
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Mon May 29 16:16:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3a7n/am_i_taking_a_big_risk_in_buying_clothes_i_can/
---
I recently became a mens size small (from large) after a massive weight loss ~50lbs, I sold some unused large clothes and spent it all on new small clothes. I am a school student so this is a large amount of money.

I am borderline medium/small, about an inch below, I still have a few lbs to lose, and have bought some clothes in size small. I am a size small, and have a last few lbs to lose.

Should I not use these new clothes until I am certain I am a size small (so I can resell them as they are still unused( or wear them now and use them as motivation to lose the final few lbs?

---

[Discussion] How accurate is losertown in your experience?
/u/notlion [5'9.5" | 23.7 | -47 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:59:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e36z6/how_accurate_is_losertown_in_your_experience/
---
It shows me as only losing a little over 2lbs a week at a max of 600 cals a day. Which doesn't feel fast enough 😭

---

[Rant/Rave] Veering between eating and fasting since meeting a potential new SO
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Mon May 29 15:58:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e36rr/veering_between_eating_and_fasting_since_meeting/
---
I started seeing this guy. He's tall and relatively thin, not enough to trigger me, but has a flat stomach and all that shit. He texts me whenever he's eaten "too much" food and tells me he's afraid he's getting fat. I mean, he thinks he's fat now. He used to be underweight. I've asked him a few times if he has/had an eating disorder and he denies it.

I've been eating more normally since meeting him. He tells me that I have an incredible body and he's really into asses so I guess I'm a little worried about losing weight (lol can you believe it.) I've still been *really* anxious about how I've been eating around him, though.

The other night we were eating out and he told me that we need to cut back since he's worried we'll get fat. I'd told him that with my past ex I gained about ten pounds because she'd buy us shitloads of food all the time. He referenced that as we were talking.

I'm feeling so conflicted. My entire life has been about losing weight and being as thin as possible and now I have this person in my life who makes me feel like I'm perfect the way I am while simultaneously sharing/triggering the anxieties that keep me from eating normally. I've just been eating when I'm with him and fasting when I'm not. I've put on some weight and I hate hate hate hate hate it so fucking much.

I'm worried that if I lose weight it'll come off of the places that he finds attractive in me and I'll just be this fat person with no redeemable features. When we watch TV or movies together I'm hyper-aware of all of the people who are thinner than me and in better shape and wonder if he's comparing me to them. I have this desire to cut off all contact with him and anyone else interested in dating me and just starving until I reach my goal weight so that anyone I attract afterward will be the type who's into incredibly thin people. Also, to avoid having someone disappointed in my body in the potential awkward phase of having like no ass despite being a fat fuck. But I like this guy.

I hate that I'm basing my decisions on someone else. I hate that having my appearance validated by romantic partners is so important to me. I'm honestly the sort of person who should just be single and focus on my enormous amount of baggage, but I keep falling into relationships. Dating turns me into an idiot.

---

[Rant/Rave] I am acting crazily weird
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:25:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2zyv/i_am_acting_crazily_weird/
---
(On mobile - Please flair as Rant, I guess)

Sorry, that I am writing again. But I am being weird. More than usual. And incredibly nervous. It might be because of my fast, my over consumption of coffee and green tea or because I'm still waiting for some important news.
I'm going from one corner to the next, packing and arranging things but in a obsessive compulsive chaotic kind of way. Like a drunk wasp.

Also someone offered me some mozzarella and fish. I gave it to my dog as I will end my fast in three days only.

Then I started writing, but all I could do is thinking about my pantry. Does someone else also have this habit of making lists of your food? Maybe it's because of my job. But I am not working right now and I would never be so obsessed.

Today I went so far, that I wrote down all the foods I own. Total grams, total calories. Calories per serving. Where I could, I even wrote down the exact number and the estimated weight and calories per piece. Then I calculated in how many days I will have to consume it all, as I am leaving soon and thus what the average will be per day.

This is fucking crazy. I thought I had recovered and now I'm actually acting worse than ever?

---

his hands make me feel great about mine ♡
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 112 | BMI: 17.5 | GW: 110? | WL: 25 F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:16:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2yab/his_hands_make_me_feel_great_about_mine/
---
https://i.redd.it/bzc3msdx9i0z.jpg

---

[Discussion] Do you ever feel like you aren't 'worthy' of your eating disorder?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 125 | GW 115 | BMI 20ish | -35 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:03:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2vfp/do_you_ever_feel_like_you_arent_worthy_of_your/
---
I'm not even sure if this question makes sense, but do you ever feel like you don't restrict enough to consider yourself anorexic, or purge enough to consider yourself bulimic? Like you don't have the right mindset or the actual physical look of someone with an ED? It's like in my head I put eating disorders on a pedestal. I always did, even before I had one. Even though I know it's an illness (a very unhealthy one at that), I still romanticized it in my head that it was this glamorous thing people did to stay thin and attractive. I know this sounds so fucked up. When I finally realized in March of last year that I did in fact have an eating disorder, I felt better about myself. And when I eventually lost 30+ pounds, I felt like I was better than other people in the fact that I could lose weight very quickly, using such extreme means of control.

But the negative aspects bring my outlook back into perspective sometimes, because the complete and absolute obsession with food, my looks, how I compare to others, etc. absolutely suck. I love my ED, but I also hate it. I love that I've lost weight, but I hate that I haven't lost enough. I don't feel worthy of the title of it (as much as I hate thinking that way, because I know I shouldn't put it on a pedestal) because I fee like I don't yet look like I actually have an eating disorder.

Does this make any sense??

---

[Intro] Chubby Czech person with an ok face and a laxative problem
/u/tewkewfoskewl [5'7" | CW: 128 lbs | BMI: 20.05 | GW1: 115 lbs | 22 F]
Created: Mon May 29 14:50:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2ss1/chubby_czech_person_with_an_ok_face_and_a/
---
Hi friends. I started playing around with my weight after my boyfriend of 5 years left me for a skinnier girl and marveled at "how much tinier" she was than me. I don't have luck with men. I've never been asked out, or spoken to by a man unless it was due to work/classes. I always have to make the first move which is frustrating when your peers have the opposite issue. I really don't think I'm ugly though, I genuinely believe I got a pretty sweet deal from the genetic lottery (Czech/Swedish mix). My biggest problem: I'm just fat.

I also have a small habit with taking laxatives. I take 8 of the 25mg equate laxatives every other day, some days more so. I don't like the sensation of having food in my body. Hoping to learn from you guys to ultimately find a way around this. Restriction seems to be the only thing working right now.

---

[Discussion] DAE restricts so you can drink booze?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 14:34:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2p3f/dae_restricts_so_you_can_drink_booze/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What do you consider a binge?
/u/mrcolon96 [12kg lost]
Created: Mon May 29 14:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2p1v/what_do_you_consider_a_binge/
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Obviously eating 3000 calories in 30 minutes is a binge, but what about when you eat a lot of low calorie food?

I just ate like 1kg of steamed broccoli because I was very anxious and obviously it is a lot of food but it's like 300calories. Do you consider that binging or not? I do it often because purging is not an option right now but sometimes you just need to eat a lot.

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Day 2 of fasting
/u/tabethavill
Created: Mon May 29 14:23:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2n02/day_2_of_fasting/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Restrictive eating curb panic attacks for anyone else?
/u/damn_it_linda [5'4" | 122 | -28 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 13:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e27i9/restrictive_eating_curb_panic_attacks_for_anyone/
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Hey lovelies, hope you all are well. I was curious about this, I have generalized anxiety disorder, and am prone to panic attacks pretty regularly. I recently went through a restrictive eating period over about a month, about 1000 calories per day for me. (I'm very active, crossfit and weightlifting 6x a week so that calorie amount is personally very low for me). During that time I had ZERO panic attacks, and my anxiety levels were nearly non existent. However, over the last 4 days I have been eating at or above maintenance and my panic attacks have been back pretty full force. Not sure if this is coincidence, but I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this. Any insight?

Side question, also. Holy moly what do you guys DO to help ease those catestrophic panic attacks where you feel like you're genuinely having a medical emergency? I am temporarily without insurance and even the idea of having another panic attack is terrifying.

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[Help] Light headedness while restricting?
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Mon May 29 11:47:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1pf1/light_headedness_while_restricting/
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(Mobile, can't flair)
So I started restricting again after a couple of weeks at an attempt to eat normally and my head HURTSSS! Is there a way to fix this without pills? (I hate pills. They make my stomach sick any time I take them.)

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[Help] Nausea/vomiting after fasting?
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 125 | GW: 110 | -13]
Created: Mon May 29 11:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1nw5/nauseavomiting_after_fasting/
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I fasted from Saturday night until this morning - I drank plenty, and hadn't fasted or restricted in the few days leading up to it. I see people talk about how the hunger pains subsided on the second day, and they felt light and full of energy, but I woke up early feeling like total garbage... nauseated, shaky, foggy, and weak. I broke my fast with a handful of cherries, a light Babybel, and some coconut water, still felt like crap, and about 45 minutes later I threw it all up. (In case the title wasn't clear this wasn't a self-induced purge, my body did it.) I immediately felt better, though still very hungry, and tried some more coconut water and threw that up, too. But it's almost noon now and I've had a banana smoothie and some protein chips and feel completely fine, definitely not a stomach bug or anything. Any thoughts?

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[Rant/Rave] Misread the amount of calories
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Mon May 29 11:38:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1nji/misread_the_amount_of_calories/
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I saw people recommending those complete cookies or whatever. Decided to try it and hey, certain flavors were pretty good! But what I failed to realize was that 16 grams of protein was for the *entire* cookie, and that the whole cookie was *2* serving sizes. So I ate 200 calories of something that tasted mediocre for 8 grams of protein. I'm gonna cry.

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[Intro] Hi, I guess.
/u/zoish_ori [173 cm | 55 kg | 18.2 | 27F]
Created: Mon May 29 11:19:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1jj5/hi_i_guess/
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I learned about this sub-reddit from a fellow aspie. At the time I was fairly well recovered, so this sub terrified me. I ran away appalled and tried to put it from my mind.

Then I relapsed.

So here I am.

April was a really hard month. Like, I ended up in the acute trauma ward of a mental hospital sorts of hard month. I was refusing food and water for, oh, you know, a couple days. I didn't eat anything for, oh, you know, two weeks or so. I dropped so much weight. Fortunately they eventually got me stable enough for discharge.

Unfortunately, I'm still pretty sick. I seem to have gotten past the suicidal thoughts, but I'm still cutting and restricting pretty aggressively (500 - 700 kCal per day). I really let myself go. I can't believe I ever weighed 62 kg (137 lbs). I'm such a glutton ;\_;

I'm in intensive out-patient. I know I need to get better eventually, but I'm not ready yet. I can't even fathom that. I'm going to have to soon because the psychiatrists have already mentioned hospitalization and^I'm.already.showing.cardiac.symptoms^Oh.my.God.I'm.going.to.die.;\_;

Anyway, it's nice to meet you all \^\^;

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[Rant/Rave] Rewards for goals met!
/u/PrincessDP
Created: Mon May 29 11:11:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1hlz/rewards_for_goals_met/
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Soooo I've been trying to decide what to do for myself when I get back into the 160's (140-ish is the ultimate goal for now at 5'10" but that's a ways off) and I'm thinking I might like to buy myself a nice watch! I don't have much in the way of jewelry and wanted to build up a collection, maybe try to look a little more "grown up" lol.

I've been looking at Nixon watches, not sure what model yet but leaning towards a rose-gold facet one. I've got about 5 pounds to go, so maybe in a couple of weeks I can earn myself something nice! 🙂

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[Rant/Rave] I made a post two days ago excuse the spam
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Mon May 29 10:47:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1ccn/i_made_a_post_two_days_ago_excuse_the_spam/
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my anger and frustration has multiplied TENFOLD.

It's been over a month and a half. April 9 to today, May 29. I have lost NINE pounds, despite eating perfect. Never binging. Never purging. 3000+ steps a day. I average 800-900 calories a day!!!

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Why is my body broken?? I *am* overweight. Why the *fuck* am I not losing?

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[Goal] I discovered a new goal, but it's incredibly selfish.
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.4 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.6 lbs]
Created: Mon May 29 10:33:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e19cj/i_discovered_a_new_goal_but_its_incredibly_selfish/
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I want to be too light to give blood. Apparently, as I learned today, it's a 110 lb cut-off. My UGW is 105 so if I (ever) get there, I won't be able to give blood.

But how messed up is that? I don't know my blood type, but I could be a universal donor or something! And giving blood is one of those altruistic things that take minimal effort.

Yet I have this weird fantasy of going to give blood and being turned away for not weighing enough. And I would feign embarrassment and disappointment while in actuality, I'd be filled with a sick sense of pride.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What do you think will be better once you reach your UGW?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 10:32:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e191q/discussion_what_do_you_think_will_be_better_once/
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I keep asking myself why I want to be thin and beautiful so badly and honestly I have no idea what I think I'll gain from it. Objectively my life is pretty great and being ten pounds lighter won't change anything in terms of how people relate to me and yet.... it just feels like this body isn't *my* body? Like this isn't what I'm supposed to look like? What do you all hope will change in your life? What motivates you to keep going?

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[Goal] 3-day water fast (day 1!)
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 10:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e18bt/3day_water_fast_day_1/
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Hi all!!


I decided to do a 3-day fast, and give myself little treats at the end of each successful day. I'm consuming nothing but water (hot and cold, flat and carbonated, as long as they're 0 calorie) and EC stack each morning. Today is day 1 (I haven't eaten since 6pm yesterday).


Posting on here right now because I've got my first little hunger pangs (but they feel kinda good!) and trying to keep myself accountable. At the end of today I'll treat myself to a mud mask and be one tiny step closer to beautiful...

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[Intro] Hi, I'm lacey_lovely and I haven't pooped in four days
/u/lacey_lovely [5'3" | CW 104 | BMI 18.9 | UGW 92? | 23F]
Created: Mon May 29 10:23:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e172m/hi_im_lacey_lovely_and_i_havent_pooped_in_four/
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...but at least it's killed my appetite?

Anyway, hello! I've been lurking for a while and recently commented a few times, and I wanted to write up a nice intro post but I'm in too much physical and emotional distress so this will have to do. Short version: I maintain pretty high (~1000 cal a day) and my main issue is dysmorphia/body image, but my relationship with food isn't normal either.

AND I HAVEN'T POOPED SINCE WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

This has been happening on and off for a couple months, but it just keeps getting worse and I don't even know what to do at this point. I went to the doctor a week ago and she just told me things I already know. I'm getting plenty of fiber from my diet and a from a supplement she recommended. I'm drinking tons of water. But it's like my digestive system has totally failed me, and now laxatives don't even seem to be working. I took the maximum dose of milk of magnesia yesterday afternoon and a medium dose of dulcolax over twelve hours ago, and still nothing. The dulcolax has worked the other three times in my life I've used it, so I don't know what to do now that it isn't.

I'm kind of glad I don't want to eat right now because last week was a caloric shitshow and I want to make up for it, but I would honestly rather be eating and have this fucking constipation gone. I'm in pain and honestly scared and this whole not pooping thing has really been triggering my anxiety. Any advice would be incredible, but I really just wanted to get this out since I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it. So thank you all for making this a place I can vent <3

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[Rant/Rave] I ate over 5,000 calories yesterday.
/u/Bubbline
Created: Mon May 29 09:46:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0z0a/i_ate_over_5000_calories_yesterday/
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🙃

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[Discussion] The bigger my hair is, the smaller I'll look right?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Mon May 29 09:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0yw6/the_bigger_my_hair_is_the_smaller_ill_look_right/
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I've developed a new obsession to occupy my time with. Hair, ridiculously big hair.

I have really long hair that I told myself I would have cut or styled when I hit my goal weight. I've decided that I will not cut my hair for a very long time though, regardless of my weight. I now spend a lot of my time watching YouTube videos and trying out new ways to make my hair as big and full as possible.

The plan is to make the rest of my body look disproportionately small in comparison.

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[Thinspo] Try to remember 💡
/u/lethalhamartia [5'1 | ? | UGW: 83 |F]
Created: Mon May 29 09:30:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0vp7/try_to_remember/
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https://i.redd.it/ird8nz03kg0z.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE think their ED is rooted in impulsiveness instead of order?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Mon May 29 09:23:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0udl/dae_think_their_ed_is_rooted_in_impulsiveness/
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Lots of people do fasts, calorie count, exercise, add up/subtract, and even give themselves a prize after a goal weight (ex: a new shirt). But I find that my ED is more impulse-based, and more habitual. I'm messy, my emotions are volatile, I get attached and detached way too fucking quick, I take my anger out on my body. I don't read calories or give myself treats after a GW, hell I barely look at my weight.

I just did some introspecting and I just feel like if I started restricting, counting calories, etc I would feel so...trapped IN, and wouldn't maintain it.

Meanwhile my emotions have led me to cut unevenly on my body, cut off chunks of my hair (ugly mess LOL), take diet pills and purge.


My ED doesn't feel like it's based on control, it just feels like the way I live now. It's the whole act I'm addicted to? IDK fuck

EDIT: Today I decided on a GW of 99 lbs but honestly the number doesn't show the progress, it's seen in my paler skin, thinner hair, bruised knees, and everything else that gets me close to destruction as much as I fear it. well shit man, IDK

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[Discussion] ED: self-abuse vs self-care
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 08:49:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0nqv/ed_selfabuse_vs_selfcare/
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Hi all!


I was thinking this morning about the funny dichotomy of my food issues-- some days, restricting feels like punishment, and other days it feels like a treat. Last week I was having a terrible week so I restricted to 600 cals/day because I hated myself and I hated my life and mostly I hated my job/boss.


Now I have a 3 day "weekend" starting today (my job has odd days), so this morning I decided to do a 3-day fast, and I'm genuinely excited and happy about it! It feels like a little happy retreat to me. I even came up with little gifts to myself for each day-- at the end of today I get a mud mask, tomorrow I get to take a sunset walk in my favorite nature preserve, and Wednesday I get to take an aromatherapy shower with my favorite exfoliating scrub. I'm also excited to weigh myself Thursday morning and see how I do!


Does anyone else go back and forth between the same ED routines sometimes feeling like punishment and other times feeling like reward? Just curious!

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[Rant/Rave] Lost my job 2 days ago but on the upside...
/u/deja_daisy [5'2 | CW: Sad! | GW:100]
Created: Mon May 29 08:19:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0iie/lost_my_job_2_days_ago_but_on_the_upside/
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Been too fucking depressed to eat anything and don't even feel hungry from the fear in me - meant to be saving up for a wedding next year but hey at least I'll be skinny by then!

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[Discussion] What feels like cheating to you?
/u/PotterWasMyFirstLove
Created: Mon May 29 08:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0h0c/what_feels_like_cheating_to_you/
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Toasted bread. It's so crunchy and so much better than normal bread, but you don't have to add any calories to the bread to get it.

What gives you the feeling that you're cheating?

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[Tip] My binge prevention food
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Mon May 29 07:51:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0dpd/my_binge_prevention_food/
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When I feel myself about to crack and give into cravings, I like to treat myself to something that's a bit more indulgent than what I usually eat but still low calorie to avoid binging.

I like to make chocolate banana "ice cream"! It's very simple and delicious and has the consistency of melted normal ice cream.

Recipe:
1 banana, frozen solid (105)
1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk (8)
2 teaspoons chocolate syrup (40)
Total: 153cal

Cut up the frozen banana into pieces manageable enough for your blender and throw it in with the almond milk to facilitate the process. Once it is smooth, blend in the chocolate syrup.

It tastes like melted chocolate ice cream (yum!). I'm considering freezing it for a bit afterwards to make it more of a normal ice cream consistency, however I haven't tried this yet.

Does anyone else have a binge prevention food?

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 29 06:14:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzy7m/weekly_stats_update_may_29_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 29, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 29 06:14:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzy6z/daily_food_diary_may_29_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 29, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] I'm sorry if this isn't the right place but I feel like I can trust you all
/u/chloelouiise
Created: Mon May 29 06:09:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzxe1/im_sorry_if_this_isnt_the_right_place_but_i_feel/
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He broke up with me. The one man I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side. Fantasising about our wedding. Looking forward to his visits.

He says he loves me but doesn't want to be around me. It's all my fault. I'm a monster. I should just starve to death.

On mobile, can't flair.

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[Discussion] What's the one good you cannot resist?
/u/whitericeriver
Created: Mon May 29 05:24:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzqsu/whats_the_one_good_you_cannot_resist/
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mine is peanut butter. smooth, chunky, white choc mix, cookies 'n' creme blend...
once I consumed 1.14kg of peanut butter in one sitting - I was over 1% peanut butter.

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[Other] Being at home --- dangerous, just sort of need to get all my feelings/plans out on one page [Other]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 04:01:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzg05/being_at_home_dangerous_just_sort_of_need_to_get/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] To those in Australia, Woolworths sells halo top again!
/u/waitupana [149cm | 14Male]
Created: Mon May 29 02:17:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dz3nc/to_those_in_australia_woolworths_sells_halo_top/
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Link: https://www.woolworths.com.au/Shop/Search/Products?searchTerm=halo%20top&name=halo-top-birthday-cake-ice-cream&productId=576707

Some of you may have been waiting for this for some time. The flavours are somewhat limited, and the prices are fairly high. IGA sells them too.

I don't personally care for it but I thought I'd let you guys know.

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[Discussion] DAE feel that this disorder is probably the most rebellious thing in your life
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Mon May 29 01:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dz1fz/dae_feel_that_this_disorder_is_probably_the_most/
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I didn't party, sleep around or rebel real hard when I was a teen so I kinda feel like my ED is my own form of rebellion except idk this ED is kind of just taken its residence in my life now so fuck rebellion now lol

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purge purgatory
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 01:53:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dz0vw/purge_purgatory/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Peanut butter though..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 29 01:45:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyzx3/peanut_butter_though/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What's the most disordered thing you've ever googled?
/u/Xaquizzle
Created: Mon May 29 01:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyyw6/whats_the_most_disordered_thing_youve_ever_googled/
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Because sometimes you look back at your search history and you kind of have to laugh at how blatantly crazy that shit is.

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[Meme/Humor] Found this plate at a thrift store today... super interesting lol
/u/Jaaasss [5'3 | 105 | 19.1 | GW 98 | F19]
Created: Mon May 29 01:30:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyxxq/found_this_plate_at_a_thrift_store_today_super/
---
https://i.redd.it/fttzksi36e0z.jpg

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[Help] Stopping chewing & spitting
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Mon May 29 00:51:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dysyn/stopping_chewing_spitting/
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So, I replaced purging with a nasty chew and spit habit in December. I have not purged since, but now I C&S many times a day. I dont want to C&S anymore. I end up swallowing too much, my jaw hurts, my cheeks and lips are swollen, Im wasting money and Ive been finding there are sores in my cheeks too. It hurts.
But I dont know how to stop. The longest I went was like three days due to a canker sore under my tongue, which made eating too painful. Most likely the C&S is what caused it.

Any advice on how to stop? Im fucking addicted to this shit.

---

[Help] Spiraling
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 23.90 | -68.4lbs | M]
Created: Sun May 28 22:39:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyads/spiraling/
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I'm just so lost right now. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to post this because people have such bigger problems but I'm honestly going insane. I've posted here before about this same issue so I'm worried that I'm just becoming a broken record but I have no one to vent to outside of this group. Thinking about it now I realize that I'm actually down to zero friends.

I just can't handle how out of control I am. When this started for me it was 0 to 100 and I lost sixty pounds in like five months with no issues. I was staying under my goals with often but mild fuck ups that didn't seem to affect my progress.

And then it seemed like overnight I fell back out of the mindset, I lost something somewhere along the way and now it's been over three months without losing a pound despite still feeling horrible about myself. Telling myself again and again that I want and need to keep losing but I can't seem to make it happen anymore.

There's really no point to this post but I hate how I feel right now. Like a failure because I'm still fat, a failure because I can't get back on track no matter how hard I try. Every day I start confident and then before I know it I've eaten maintenance and ruined another chance.

It's so sick that I keep hoping for something to trigger me back into my old habits. I liked myself more when I was losing weight. It felt like even though I was still worthless I was at least putting in the effort to change. Now I'm just lazy too.

Maybe I'll go run all the food in my fridge down the garbage disposal in an act of defiance. -Sigh-

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[Rant/Rave] I keep thinking that people will love me when I'm thin
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 21:54:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dy3mv/i_keep_thinking_that_people_will_love_me_when_im/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] why cant my body hold on as long as my mind can
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 110 | 20 | -29 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 21:20:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxy90/why_cant_my_body_hold_on_as_long_as_my_mind_can/
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i feel like mentally i could easily starve myself for a month. but my stupid weak body couldnt go 10 hours without food without almost fainting in front of a stove. it couldnt even recover soon enough when i tried to re-feed so i was forced to binge to even feel remotely fine and trick my parents. fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate this stupid body so much. i *still* dont feel fine because im so weak and pathetic. its been hours!!! just, get it together so i can do what i need to do!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Not eating anything bc I'm too lazy to update MFP
/u/dahee3697
Created: Sun May 28 20:57:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxup1/not_eating_anything_bc_im_too_lazy_to_update_mfp/
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I'm so wishy washy and change my planned meals at least 5 times within the matter of an hour, it's insane. I decided to just skip lunch bc I already changed my log so many times and then cleared it so I can decide later. Later has come and I'm too lazy to even think about what to eat and bother logging it at this point. Whatever, it's probably what's best for me anyway

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[Rant/Rave] I ate and drank and was merry
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun May 28 20:54:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxu6w/i_ate_and_drank_and_was_merry/
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I was at my friend's pre marriage going away party/sendoff whatever and it was marvelous. I ate so much food and I drank wine til I was buzzed and felt that liquid courage and I didn't purge today and I don't want to.

This is what feeling normal is like?

I ate, drank, and was merry. I didn't purge tonight for the first time in 2 or 3 years.

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[Discussion] Net Calories?
/u/candystarfish
Created: Sun May 28 20:02:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxluf/net_calories/
---
How do you guys feel about net calories? Do you high restrict and work it off? Low restrict and think of burned calories as an unknown bonus?

I'm sitting here eating between 800-900 cal a day and trying to convince myself that it's ok. I unload trucks for a living and walk between 8-10 miles a day in m y warehouse. According to my fitbit, I'm burning upwards of 600 cal a day from that, 6 days a week. I'm feeling super anxious and wanting to lower my intake but I can't risk fainting while driving a forklift or something. But 900 feels like failure. Idk what to do, I'm devoting way too much brain power to this lol

Anyone here have any experience with weight loss at this type of intake/rate?

I really don't want to just post a question that pertains only to me, so any comments about net vs gross cals are welcome, I'd love to read a discussion about this from everyone. On mobile, so if someone could tag this as question or discussion, I'd really appreciate it!

---

[Rant/Rave] if i didnt drink
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sun May 28 20:01:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxlpu/if_i_didnt_drink/
---
i would be so much lighter. i can eat under my limit no problem but fucking alcohol ruins it every time


curse u booze!!!!

any tips for curbing the desire to drink? like i crave booze and the feeling it gives me so much ugh

why does booze have so many calories :'<

---

[Thinspo] shoulders/collarbones/arms
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sun May 28 19:45:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxizk/shoulderscollarbonesarms/
---
http://imgur.com/a/ProPE

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[Help] why can't i stop binging
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 19:12:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxdkj/why_cant_i_stop_binging/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Soda in public :( new fear
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~55.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Sun May 28 18:50:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx9u7/soda_in_public_new_fear/
---
Why?? I love getting Coke Zero when I'm out. Used to be only paranoid about a waiter pouring the wrong drink. Now I'm also paranoid that the machines are messing up and the Coke Zero button will pour out regular Coke.

Logically I know that's probably not going to happen but I'm still scared whhyyy

Looks like water from here on out :(

---

[Discussion] Are there any foods/food items you don't bother counting towards your total kcal intake for the day?
/u/PrincessDP
Created: Sun May 28 18:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx6pj/are_there_any_foodsfood_items_you_dont_bother/
---
Everyone's going to have different personal views here but I thought it might be an interesting topic for discussion.

---

I binged bad today
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 98lbs]
Created: Sun May 28 18:14:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx3rt/i_binged_bad_today/
---
This week my laptop broke, my eating has been all over the place, and I've been struggling really bad with body dysmorphia because of work. That fucking full length bathroom mirror can blow me.

My sleeping schedule is a disaster from working until 4am. Sundays are my designated "eat & rest" day, but today I took it way too fucking far. Stuck to keto friendly foods, but blew my carb limit out of the fucking water because I just could. Not. Stop. I haven't taken a shit in days, I'm still sleep deprived, and everything is fucked. My body is aching and my stomach is distended to ridiculous proportions.

The silver lining? I did not purge. I also killed it at work last night when two waitresses decided not to show up. I'm proud of myself for working hard, but so disappointed for binging today. I thought I was past that.

I guess I just need someone to tell me it's gonna be ok. I have some healthy foods I usually eat stocked for the week. I'm going to start using mfp again to make sure I'm in ketosis to shed some of this water weight as quickly as possible. I hate this feeling.

Hopefully the mega fuckton of food I ate today will finally force me to take a shit. Honestly that is the only reason I didn't purge. Something has got to budge.

I'm gonna drink a gallon of water and take a sleep inducing cocktail of vitamins and meds. I'm psychosis level of sleep deprived and clearly it has contributed to today's binge. Pray 4 me y'all.

---

[Help] Blood/Platelet donation question
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 17:57:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx0xt/bloodplatelet_donation_question/
---
Hello all (on mobile so please tag if you can) I have a somewhat obvious question but also looking for personal experience if possible.

I have donated platelets in the past, and I find little to no problem as far as dizziness or fainting because I'm not actually losing whole blood in the process. I've never donated whole blood, although it's a muchhh shorter process, because I'm nervous about fainting.

I would like to donate whole blood but of course, I understand that eating at a deficit will obviously put me at risk of dizziness and fainting especially if donating blood. Has anyone here done whole blood donation? Is it common enough to feel badly afterwards that nobody seems suspicious? Should I just stick to platelet donation to be safe?

Thank you in advance for any advice or personal experience 💕💕

---

[Other] Nothing will stop it
/u/dungeonmasterbater
Created: Sun May 28 17:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwzty/nothing_will_stop_it/
---
Someone I love just got into an accident. From the second I found out, I went on a binge spree
Nothing is stopping it.
I don't care about how I look. I don't care about the money I waste. I don't care about anything.
My brain is off and I'm in autopilot. I'm just shoveling food into my mouth. Even now, as I type this, I'm shoving down a pork chop. Barely chewing. Just swallowing.
I can't even think of purging later.
I don't even feel guilty.


[Update 17:04: Just had full calorie coke after 5 years without it. I don't see the appeal but I did just drink 16 oz.]

[Update 17:06: Mashed potatoes are a fear food of mine. Meh. They're alright. No clue why anyone would want them. 1/2 cup]

[Update 17:07: This might as well be the 10k challenge because I already hit 2k]

[Update 17:17] Must be muscle memory. I started heaving when my stomach got full]


[Update 17:33] Why is filet mignon such a coveted cut of steak? It's so bland.


[Last Update 18:05] I got a call and the person is okay. I have purged but had to stop because my throat hurt. I feel bad.

---

[Rant/Rave] I miss loving someone
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Sun May 28 17:32:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwwrb/i_miss_loving_someone/
---
Food takes up all of my mind and my energy, and most of the time I'm sort of content with being single. But lately, I've been watching a lot of rom coms, and re-watching Love, Rosie, which is a really cute movie and one of my favorites. I just miss that feeling of being in love, and even though I hate being touched (because it feels like the other person is just feeling my fat rolls), I kinda miss cuddling. I'm just waiting to be content with my weight and reach my gw before even thinking about a boyfriend or sex, but I know that feeling of being satisfied with how my body looks will never happen. It would be so nice to not feel so alone sometimes.

---

[Discussion] dae have weird, unrealistic constructions of who they'll be at their GW?
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Sun May 28 17:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwt31/dae_have_weird_unrealistic_constructions_of_who/
---
It makes no logical sense, but I envision myself as someone completely different when I reach my GW.

You know that bloated, gross, post- binge feeling? Its the feeling that makes me unable to do anything, locks me into a stupor while my room gets messier, assignments pile up, and due dates loom. At my gw I'll be rid of that feeling forever. I'll be productive and on top of my shit.

I'd be able to hold down twenty projects at once and finally get good at the piano again. I'd be able to face the sun without feeling like other people's eyes are somehow amplifying how gross I am.

I imagine it as an extended version of that fasting+Monster zero mania, just crazy starved but somehow also an amazing feeling.

---

[Rant/Rave] Oh carbs, thy bless'd calories be my downfall
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 16:56:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwqh9/oh_carbs_thy_blessd_calories_be_my_downfall/
---
Ramadan Mubarak, guys!

I haven't been able to fast due to illness, but my mum has and unfortunately, I've been stuck in a binge rut since Friday. This means more processed high-cal stuff.

I only have three or four binge foods, but just half of one would probably be over half my intake. These include fizzy KA in black grape (a Jamaican soft drink), half a celebration cake, a bag of Chili Heatwave Doritos and some fancy bread.

On their own, this wouldn't be a problem - I'd portion it out to last me the week as a small treat after dinner and fill the hours between meals with boatloads of water and maybe, just maybe, I would be too tired to actually prepare these (portioning, logging etc).

But, like I said, I've been in binge mode and it's Ramadan. This means cooking for my mum because she's been working and fasting while I'm at home doing neither and I feel guilty.
Today, however, felt different. I awoke with a hunger for carbs and like the Predator itself, I zeroed in on some bread and thus began the descent into obesity.

Like I said earlier, I have my 'treats' after dinner and today I planned to have a portion of Doritos. I still had around two, or one really large, slice of cake left, so I told myself, 'hey, less today means more for tomorrow', so I cut and weighed my cake and happy with the calorie count, I enjoyed a slice of cake for lunch because that's something old-me would have done (most likely without the guilt of still being full from breakfast).

Then, guilty from unnecessary cake, I reached for the fancy loaf of bread. I tore off a small piece to try, and enjoying it, I grabbed the tub of butter and probably fulfilled my daily cholesterol intake. I told myself no, maybe tomorrow, and busied myself by making broth (a long and tedious job, but rewarding non the less).
But again, the bread beckoned me with soft whispers of loving caresses and again, I reached for the tub of butter, except I didn't tear off the corner, and instead tore off the whole beginning crust and probably enjoyed more butter than I would.

Hours later, my mum asked me to make this fried doughball thing since we usually make it at Ramadan.
The dough itself is pretty low cal, but it's the frying, you see. I messed up on the first batch but kept it for experimentation, and the second batch was almost perfect. I ate most of Plate 1 (the first batch) which was disappointing because they were undercooked in the middle and pretty oily, while Plate 2 (the second batch) were greasy but not golden enough. After my mistake of unnecessary calories, I craved my Doritos, like they would give my solace and help me learn from the errors of my ways.

Eyeing the KA in the fridge, left by my friend from out Friday night binge, I poured myself a glass, and meticulous as always, I weighed it just to be sure it was the 250ml I was logging, but alas, twas not. My heavenly respite leaving me with only had 50 calories left, I decided there was no way to fit in a reasonable serving of Doritos. What I planned to do was return the bag to the kitchen, but my fingers had other ideas. Two chips, I said, twenty chips, my fingers moved. Without my hands slowing, my mind raced to justify eating so many Doritos.

"Only two! Only two! You knew this would happen! From now on, only the broken chips!"
The broken chips eventually disappeared (and they weren't hidden by the full chips), and instead of putting the bag down like I promised myself, I crushed the chips myself.

All in all, being generous and low balling it, I'm roughly 800-1,000 calories over my planned intake.
Well fuck me, and fuck you processed foods.

---

has anyone been able to stop counting calories?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 16:21:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwkck/has_anyone_been_able_to_stop_counting_calories/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Are there any other guys here?
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Sun May 28 15:49:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwegn/are_there_any_other_guys_here/
---
I only see posts from girls on my front page, and am not sure if this community is relevant to me.

I currently [Chew and Spit](http://eating-disorders.org.uk/chewing-and-spitting-food/) and My final goal is a flat stomach, or as close to flat as possible. I'll be faster, and look better to others. Are there other guys here, what are your goals, and is it normal for us to be here?

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[Goal] Updating your flair is so exciting, closer to my goal
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sun May 28 15:14:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dw7vk/updating_your_flair_is_so_exciting_closer_to_my/
---
It's small progress but I'm getting closer! I can't wait to feel thin and small and light :) I'm so excited!

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[Discussion] what else are you a perfectionist about?
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 112 | BMI: 17.5 | GW: 110? | WL: 25 F]
Created: Sun May 28 15:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dw64d/what_else_are_you_a_perfectionist_about/
---
Before I started my obsession with losing weight, I was OBSESSED with drawing (art major in college), I had to be better than all of my peers and would constantly compare my art to theirs. I would never show it off but it was my secret thing to be better than everyone. I drew for 5-8 hours a day until I had wrist problems and now I don't really like drawing at all anymore, oops! Now I have to be the best at being thin. Atleast i'm self aware? haha

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[Help] Does anyone have experience with exercise while fasting?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Sun May 28 14:40:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dw17i/does_anyone_have_experience_with_exercise_while/
---
I've never exercised on an empty stomach, but it's looking like dinner's going to be impossible tonight and my mom and I are planning to go on a run first thing tomorrow morning. I've only eaten probably ~200 calories *at most* today (honestly probably not even that much), and I don't think I'll be able to eat anything else, but I'm kinda worried about doing something as strenuous as a run (we usually go ~10k or more) on such little fuel.

My mom and I usually eat half a banana each before our morning runs, so that will be good for *something*, but is it enough? Would I be risking collapsing if I did run? Does anyone have any advice?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm biggest I've ever been. The result of this is that I can't bring myself to even care about losing the weight anymore. I'm just watching myself get bigger.
/u/HappinessIsClose [5'9.5 | 157.5 | 22.9 | -4.2 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 13:08:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvjg4/im_biggest_ive_ever_been_the_result_of_this_is/
---
And then I binge more, because the euphoria while I'm eating is better than feeling the shame and guilt and emptiness of everyday.

🙃

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[Rant/Rave] I binged and I drank and I didn't purge
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun May 28 13:03:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvift/i_binged_and_i_drank_and_i_didnt_purge/
---
And I hit a new adult LW. What the actual fuck, I hate this body that doesn't follow any rules.

I'm just going to take this as the universe thanking me for not purging, and that I'm probably dehydrated and I will gain it all back today. But damn, seeing that LW was crazy af.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just had an panic attack because of milk
/u/kristine0711
Created: Sun May 28 12:58:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvhi5/just_had_an_panic_attack_because_of_milk/
---
So my dad just bought some milk, and as I went to have some in my tea, I saw that the packaging was similar to the low fat milk, except it wasn't called or marked as low fat anywhere. This immediately gave me a panic attack.
I, of course, went straight to google to figure things out, and after searching for about 5 minutes, I found out that what he had bought was, indeed, low fat milk. But for some strange reason they no longer brand it as low fat milk? But just regular milk, and the only difference within the two packagings is the color.

My panic attack may be over, but for some strange reason, the fact that they no longer call it low-fat milk, is really upsetting me

---

[Rant/Rave] Fucking kill me. (Binge after math)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun May 28 12:50:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvfup/fucking_kill_me_binge_after_math/
---
On mobile so please Flair as rant/rave

To keep myself more accountable I added up everything I ate last night and this morning and calculated using the Loseit app on my phone and the numbers are disgusting me and making me feel really shitty. Some things I ate aren't in the database so I chose the highest calorie option so my numbers might not be accurate but here is what I have.

Last night
-vegan Philly sandwhich from work- 700
-Tater tots-600
-pancakes- 900
-low fat yogurt 300
-Mac and cheese- 400
-salted caramel ice cream- 600
Total: 3,500 calories

This morning:
-low fat yogurt- 300
-salted caramel ice cream- 600
-granola with milk- 400
-Mac and cheese- 400
Total: 1700 calories

I really want to purge but I know I would regret it and laxatives would make work really difficult today so I am forcing myself to fast the rest of the day and going to try fasting tomorrow too. I fast four and a half days before my binge last night and have no idea how much my last two binges have fucked me up. I could have put on at least two pounds plus whatever food and water weight
On my fast days I drank between 3 and 6 liters of water. I am going to try and fast to recover my body and take care of myself but I still feel awful though adding everything up and trying to find the logic and reason where there isn't much is fucking with my mind. The foods I ate didn't even taste good I remember shoving food in my face and swallowing but nothing about the food was remarkable. It wasn't tasty or pretty or good for me. It was garbage.

I will try to move on. This is a set back but I fast four days before my binge and now I know coming off of fasting I should look out for comfort easy foods.

Take care of yourselves lovelies, just try to move on from every set back. I guess I tell myself stupid things when I have cravings.

What you eat in private you wear in public
Fat last longer than flavor
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels
Most compulsive thoughts pass after 2 minutes

-Willow

-Willow

---

[Thinspo] girls of the moon 🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Sun May 28 12:06:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv78k/girls_of_the_moon/
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https://i.redd.it/k9o3gbf27a0z.jpg

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[Other] What I'm drinking my cherry Coke Zero out of today... some of the advice on this cup I'm sure many of us already do
/u/flyingmonkeyssaymoo
Created: Sun May 28 11:49:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv3rm/what_im_drinking_my_cherry_coke_zero_out_of_today/
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https://i.redd.it/u7hh9tfy3a0z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Taco Bell will be the death of me [Food Rant?]
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Sun May 28 11:44:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv2x0/taco_bell_will_be_the_death_of_me_food_rant/
---
(Mobile,can't flair. Sorry if this is...not supposed to go here..? Still new to reddit, I'm used to using the App Vent.)
I love it so much. It tastes amazing but that stuff is heart attck food. I wish there were healthy, low cal (I still count calories...) alternatives (people do the create your own thing at Chipotle, but we dont have a Chipotle where I live. Just Taco Bell and Taco Casa....it's a small town)
It pains me ;_;

---

[Thinspo] More drawings of proed thinspo :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 11:41:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv268/more_drawings_of_proed_thinspo/
---
https://www.instagram.com/p/BUpQdFEFdkR/

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[Rant/Rave] Critical mother (rant)
/u/ThrowawayPotato1843
Created: Sun May 28 11:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv1xw/critical_mother_rant/
---
Constantly making comments about my weight. Even if I tell her how well I'm doing, how I've restricted calories or jogged a few miles, there's always something negative to say. 'so you logged calories, but did you do X or Y?'

'you probably do have diabetes'

'go upstairs and get me this. You need the excersise. '

' you're not allowed to eat bread though! '

' so you start at 6.30am, you could jog before that, right? '

' you're feeling unwell? It's all that crap you've been eating. '

' I bet you and your boyfriend feed each other and egg each other on to see how much you can eat. '


Shit makes me want to purge every time, but I smile and take it. Inside I am dying.

---

[Thinspo] Has living with this made you obsessed with other girls habits too?
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sun May 28 11:39:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv1sl/has_living_with_this_made_you_obsessed_with_other/
---
I don't mean celeb thinspo or famous people. Who I obviously obsess over. I mean anyone female in your daily life. I have a weird habit of assessing how thin everyone is, and then monitoring their habits to try to understand why and how they are thin.

For example in my college class, there was a girl a bit taller than me and she had tiny legs. I used to purposely sit near her and watch everything she ate/drank. Not in a creepy way, it's just something I can't stop doing, and I obsess over it way more because these people are real and they're right in front of me.

I also went to an all girls school. Spent most of the time wondering how most of them were thin and what they were doing to maintain it.

Idk if this makes sense, maybe I'm crazy.

---

[Rant/Rave] disordered eating is controlling my life
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Sun May 28 11:22:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6duyep/disordered_eating_is_controlling_my_life/
---
i guess this is a rant more than anything, but i really need to share my thoughts/feelings and i feel like a lot of you might relate.

i just feel so desperate and overwhelmed by the anxiety, distraction, and shit self-esteem that's part of disordered eating and unhealthy relationships with food. counting calories and worrying about going over my limit (which i have been regularly for the past few weeks) is totally controlling my life. it's totally distracting me from the people i love and care about and the things i enjoy. i went to a club last night and spent the entire time obsessing over how much i had already eaten (and hating that i'd eaten something unhealthy earlier even though it was really good), how many calories were in the alcohol i was drinking, and comparing my body to every other girls' there. most of the time that i was dancing, i was telling myself to jump around more and burn more calories. i despise this mindset, the anxiety and constant obsessing over calories and body image.

restricting my eating feels like a way of gaining control, but whenever i can't entirely restrict (or don't want to, because wtf sometimes you just wanna drink a milkshake!) it leaves me anxious and feeling like shit. i'm constantly on my phone, looking up calorie values or calculating how much i've eaten and subtracting exercise from that. i'm not controlling my disordered eating, it's controlling my life. i know that others might feel the same way. i just need to share because i feel v shitty this morning ha

---

[Intro] Lurker saying hello!
/u/missalignedinthemind [5'5" | CW: 🐷🐄 |-38.6lbs | F 🇨🇦]
Created: Sun May 28 10:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dulk9/lurker_saying_hello/
---
I'm mobile, could someone please flair this as an introduction? (or is it a rant?) Thanks! 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

My relationship with food has been messed up for as long as I can remember. I fall into the seriously morbidly obese catagory (5'5" SW: 270.2lbs CW: 238lbs). I have a limited amount of time to lose weight for health reasons, that time limit plus my own obsessive tendency has put me in a pattern of near fasting/restriction followed by periods of somewhat binging. I know the people around me do notice that I'm either not eating or hiding in my pantry stuffing my fat fucking face, but somehow it's viewed as acceptable because I am so heavy..

This sucks. But I have no interest in stopping or seeking help. Logically I know that's messed up. Why can't I just eat when I'm hungry n stop when I'm full?!

---

[Help] What do normal people even eat?
/u/Princess_FudderDudd
Created: Sun May 28 09:59:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dui66/what_do_normal_people_even_eat/
---
I just want to be normal, I don't want to think about food in such a methodical way. If I were to eat lunch like a normal person that's not trying to lose weight, has never had issues with their weight before, isn't obsessing about eating super clean and healthy, and thinks about food normally, what would I even eat? A sandwich? Leftovers from dinner? But what was dinner? Pasta? Idk! Do normal people cook for themselves every night for dinner? I'm a student, I don't have the time. And meal prepping just never goes well. I either end up throwing it all away or eating it all within a few days.

I just don't even know the first steps I should take to recovering. I don't want to lose weight like this anymore. I want to eat at a healthy deficit and lose the weight and be done with it. It doesn't seem like it in my head, but I know it'll end up being quicker than my stellar method of fasting for two days then binging for two weeks, then wanting to die so I fast again.

Ugh I'm sorry, I've been thinking about this for weeks and I just kinda threw up everything on my keyboard. Hope everyone's having a good weekend :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Odd sign of progress...
/u/13959470
Created: Sun May 28 09:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6duezb/odd_sign_of_progress/
---
The airbags in my SO's car don't activate for me anymore because it doesn't detect enough weight on the seat...

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[Rant/Rave] 15 minutes...that's all it took. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun May 28 09:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6duagk/15_minutesthats_all_it_took_i_dont_know_whether/
---
On mobile flair as rant/rave

I woke up early after not sleeping much and my stupid fucking brain decided that the kitchen was the first place to go. I had ice cream, a hand full of granola and two bites of Mac and cheese before to sing the granola and putting the mac and cheese away. I stopped when it got to 8am because I always end binges at the top of the next hour or I obsessively try to stop myself. I know it was 15 minutes of mindless eating but I was able to stop myself but I still feel ashamed and awful.

I am fasting and restricting the next few days. Fasting the rest of today and then restricting or going to try to. I just am fucking mad at myself. Fuck. Just Fuck. This is why I am fucking fat..

---

[Tip] If any of you have a Bi-Lo grocery store nearby, Halo Top is BOGO through the 30th
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | fuuuuck | F]
Created: Sun May 28 09:01:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du7cl/if_any_of_you_have_a_bilo_grocery_store_nearby/
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And I may or may not have bought 12 pints of the Birthday Cake flavor. And plan on buying even more when they restock.

Also, if you sign up for Bi-Lo's Plenti program, you get a coupon for a free pint of Halo Top. Or at least that's what I got, not sure if everyone gets the same coupon or not.

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[Goal] ~*no periods anymore*~
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 97lbs | recovery, for now | ✨]
Created: Sun May 28 08:47:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du4zj/no_periods_anymore/
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I'm absolutely not pregnant and haven't gotten my period because of the restriction and I feel amazing about that. For some reason that has always been a goal.

Yesterday I ate half a piece of pizza and immediately got "the feeling" when you start your period but it wasn't blood, just I guess clear stuff? But it irritated me because it happened literally 15 seconds after I took the first bite, so I know it's because of the restriction. I'm celebrating this anyway.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun May 28 08:47:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du4vs/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/2q00zo5h790z.jpg

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[Intro] Over due introduction
/u/broken_pastels
Created: Sun May 28 08:38:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du3gi/over_due_introduction/
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(On mobile, can't flair. What would you flair this as anyway?)
I'm a huge long time lurker. Never introduced myself because I never felt...valid enough?....Haha, what am I supposed to say?
Well, I have anorexia, um..I love how positive this subreddit is? All the other websites are always like "Worship ana or you'll never lose weight!" and I just...am SO happy this place isn't like that?
Forgive me if this is random. I'm nervous....haha (anxiety isnt fun)

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[Help] In the last 14 days, I lost 11 pounds. How much of that is water weight?
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Sun May 28 08:01:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtxch/in_the_last_14_days_i_lost_11_pounds_how_much_of/
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So, for the last 14 days, I have been working out three or four times a week (burning around 300 calories each time I worked out), eating at or under 600 calories, or just straight up water fasting (edit: forgot to mention, I drink around 2 liters of water a day). I lost 11 pounds this way.

I know some of the weight I lost was water weight, but exactly how much? Is there a way to figure it out? I want to keep losing weight this way because it's pretty effective and not too draining on me physically.

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[Help] I feel so disgusting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 07:40:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dttz4/i_feel_so_disgusting/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Went to the Doctor. Was given Vyvanase. Told my husband about my BED.
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sun May 28 07:39:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtts5/went_to_the_doctor_was_given_vyvanase_told_my/
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On Monday I went to my GP, broke down and told him everything - anxiety, self harm, suicide, binging etc. He was the first person who has ever acknowledged me saying I binge. My psychiatrist and therapist both seem to have assumed I meant "sometimes I over eat" likely because of my size. He asked me "when did this start" and I told him I remember in summer 2013 I ate a whole watermelon in 1 sitting. After that he seriously asked me a ton of questions, had me fill out a form, read a packet, and explain what it all is. Then he gave my Vyvanase and urged me to tell my husband what's going on. I chose to only tell him about my binging.

True to everyone else in my life, he told me 'yeah, my diet sucks too.' Yes. Yes that's exactly what eating 7000 calories in 2 hours is. A bad diet.

So to everyone here who just has **a bad diet** I salute you.

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[Rant/Rave] IVE JUST DISCOVERED A POP TART SERVING SIZE IS NOT ONE PACKET
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 28 07:27:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dts0m/ive_just_discovered_a_pop_tart_serving_size_is/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Feel like smoking and flob skin
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 06:50:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtmmm/feel_like_smoking_and_flob_skin/
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Ahhh. I don't have coffee left and I'm fasting (the first time I'm allowing myself to have coffe next to water and tea.)

The thing is, I want to smoke and drink so badly... I'm really craving cigarettes like crazy. Since yesterday. Not a short little craving, no. Hours of cigarette cravings.

I'm really considering buying tobacco... but I'm vain and fear getting all wrinkly and dried out (even though I look much younger than I am. now.) I love that I actually had a lot more energy than before and better respiration.
Then again I tell myself that it's a sign. That I'm just not ready and actually still want to smoke.
I mean, I smoked for 15years.
And what is worse? Food binges or cigarettes?
I will see if I can restrict myself when I'll walk by the tobacconist.

In about two weeks I will be in a City again. At the moment I am at this off-grid rural place that I love, but as I am mostly writing I don't move that much anymore.
So my weight is going down, but I feel that I'm mostly losing from the hips up. If I continue losing like this, I might be under 50 in about a week, but I want it to be my butt and legs. They are thinner but still like fatty - I really need some toning.
I want to wear short stuff and not feel uncomfortable about this weird looking flob skin. I used to dance a lot before (party a lot) and my legs looked a lot better at the same weight. But now I'm just not happy with their looks.

I am too lazy to exercise though here. I'll continue my trip with a huge backpack, it will surely help burn calories.
So when I'll be in the city I will walk about 30000-35000 steps a day, as I always do, for about 3weeks. Even though I will be eating more. I'll try to stay maintenance with at least two weekly fasts (I fast intermittently). This might help get my legs back on track.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't stop thinking about how out of control I got yesterday :( Summer is hard, y'all
/u/fleur_de_la_cunt
Created: Sun May 28 06:35:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtkqs/i_cant_stop_thinking_about_how_out_of_control_i/
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So my super hot sister came back from college to live with me for the summer and I can't stop comparing myself to her and noticing all of the attention she's getting from my friends/bf's friends. I know that sounds so shallow of me, but one of my huge insecurities is that I've always been the fat girl, and she's actually perfect. She also made a comment about how ever since we were kids I've struggled with my weight and obsessed over food - because my dumb, self loathing ass said several terrible things about myself without remembering normal people don't hate themselves and openly talk about it so much. I tried to laugh it off and was like haha yeah I probably have some kind of disorder... and she just gave me the most pitying look and started Pinteresting weird diet plans when the truth is I'd rather just restrict and eat nothing at all. That's how I lost my first 30 lbs and that's probably how I'll lose the next 30, but you can't really tell anyone that.

Anyway. We went to the store and spent like $50 on produce and healthy food and i already felt myself spiraling towards binge mode, like getting triggered from picking out fucking bananas. She got home and made sweet potato fries and ate two and I ate the rest. Then I made kale chips for the first time and literally made four more cookie sheets full of kale and ate all of it. Somewhere during all of this she went to her room and I made rice and beans for my kid and a salad for myself and ended up eating all of that too. I realized once I laid down, uncomfortably full but still ravenous, that I was in the kitchen for HOURS just cooking and eating and every time my sister came out I know she just saw me eating and eating and I know how guilty and out of control I looked and it sucks because this just reinforces/confirms that I'm her fat sloppy big sister with weird eating habits. I wanted to purge so badly - thought about doing it in my closet where she wouldn't hear cuz I HAVE to purge after a binge, but ended up crying myself to sleep and my mind was fucking racing and thinking about what else to eat.

I guess what I keep thinking about is that I could easily just have restricted all day. And not have put one bite in my mouth. BUT just one bite of objectively healthy food totally broke my self control and made me a slave to the kitchen, all day. I absolutely feel as disgusting as if I binged at a buffet. Sorry this turned out so long, im just so discouraged and depressed and I love my sister but her being here is fucking everything up. I would almost rather have her just see me eat nothing at all like I'm used to, than have to pretend I have healthy habits and lost all my weight so far by dieting.

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 28 06:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dthir/daily_food_diary_may_28_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 28 06:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dthdg/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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[Rant/Rave] I actually felt BETTER about myself after seeing a vid of me????
/u/laciiou [F | 5'2" | cw: 133 | gw: 115 | bmi: 24.33]
Created: Sun May 28 05:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtc9n/i_actually_felt_better_about_myself_after_seeing/
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So this is my first actual post here after lurking/occasionally commenting. Hi. :)

Anyway, after a few weeks of feeling like my progress has come to a complete standstill, I got an unexpected pick-me-up today.
One of my best friends showed me a snap video he'd taken of me around my birthday (early February) and I realized that my face is SO much thinner now.
At first I had the usual reaction of "ew my face looks so fat" until I realized that I don't even look like that anymore. :)
It made me feel a whole lot better about where I am now.

Idk I had to share this with you guys. ❤️

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[Rant/Rave] I am at a loss. I feel tired and just want to give up on life
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun May 28 04:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dt3of/i_am_at_a_loss_i_feel_tired_and_just_want_to_give/
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On mobile please flair as rant/rave.

I was in residential treatment this last year and stepped down to out patient at the end of the year. I dropped out of school and quit my job as a expo/dishwasher to go into treatment then go back into the service industry when I wad done with treatment. I never really recovered because I didn't feel sick enough. I am a biological male with an eating disorder. I've been anorexic and bulimic for over ten years now and treatment and therapy and meds haven't helped. I deal with bipolar, anxiety and ptsd as well so I have a lot on my plate ( pun intended). Since January I gave worked in to other kitchens as a cook. I adore cooking but some days it's rough. I refuse to eat at work and always lie about eating before or bringing my own lunch on my long mandated break. I usually just sit outside and drink water or coffee. I feel triggered being in a kitchen and a restaurant. I don't hate fat people or people who are heavier but I see myself on their bodies and become disgusted. I imagine that it's me even if it isnt. It's fucked up. I like cooking for people even though I don't like to eat what I make. Sometimes I feel like I want to fatten other people up but then I also feel contempt for people who can eat normally. I have fallen into a binge and restrict and purge pattern the last month or so. I binged for a week straight then purged then restricted. I try to restrict on my work days cause having food in my system makes me feel slow and heavy. I feel like I am constantly judged by my coworkers because I am still new and also being I am not rail thin like a lot of them. I keep restricting and calculating when I can reach my goal and it seems so far and also I feel like when I restrict I will eventually binge and be back to square one. I put on 15 pounds in treatment because I was forced to eat 6 snacks/meals a day and not allowed to exercise or purge. Since then I have lost 10 pounds or so but still a good 50 pounds from my goal and I feel like I need to make my goal by the end of the year or by October. I want to lose twenty pounds by July 15 but know that's really unrealistic. I don't sleep I constantly think about food but also clothes and how I wish I could be smaller, thinner, more fragile. I guess my ideas of beauty for myself aren't the most masculine but I don't really identify ad masculine or feminine. I use nonbinary pronouns and dress pretty unisex/androgynous I guess I feel like if I was thinner I could look more androgynous. Also with so much wrong in my life my ED is all I have the little control I have. I just am tired. Tired of feeling irritable and shitty I want to be able to eat and not having it be a fucking episode of fear factor or some bullshit I want to be one of those people who eats a few bites and feels satisfied instead I binge and harem self then punch drink a fuck ton of water purge more and harm myself. I can barely even taste food or appreciate it anymore it is my drug not my nourishment. I binged when I got home from work after fasting for four days and the scale not budging I gave in. I ate a sandwhich and tots from work, a bowl of Mac and cheese, two pancakes with syrup, a small bowl of ice cream, a couple crackers and some yogurt and I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't purge because people wear home so here I sit. It's 3 in the morning I'm in moderate abdominal pain. I work in 11 hours and am going to "wake up in four or five to go walk around town to try and fix some of my damage I've cause and might try to purge but it might be too late. I might try to fast again. I don't really know.

Thank you to anyone who read this, my heart goes out to all of you lovely beautiful souls,

-Willow

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[Discussion] Good soup recipes?
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Sun May 28 03:39:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dt004/good_soup_recipes/
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I've gotten into the habit of making broth—based soups with fun seasoning and a bit of veg and meat substitute. Does anyone have any good recipes?

My favorite is cumin, ginger, chicken broth and quorn chicken bites. It tastes very strange, but still really awesome.

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[Rant/Rave] Something is wrong with me and i don't know what it is and it's pissing me off
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Sun May 28 03:18:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dsxsb/something_is_wrong_with_me_and_i_dont_know_what/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] 3 Ballerina
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Sun May 28 02:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dst90/3_ballerina/
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So, I bought some 3 Ballerina Tea. I'm very excited to try it. It'll be good to feel on top of things again. I only plan to use it when I'm constipated, because I've seen a lot of people react differently to it.
If anyone has any thoughts or advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you!

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I went out to dinner with friends and I hate myself for it.
/u/Lets_leave_theparty [5'9 | CW: 185 | 27.3 | GW: 140 | 20F]
Created: Sun May 28 00:15:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dse3k/rant_i_went_out_to_dinner_with_friends_and_i_hate/
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Long time lurker, first time posting. I don't know how to flair and it's just making me even more upset at myself than I already am, so sorry if this turns out to be super long.


So some friends came to visit near my college town (from ~7 hours away) to do touristy stuff. They asked if I wanted to grab dinner with them tonight to catch up. They were already super close to my appartment so I panicked and said yes. I've missed them so much and absolutely wanted to see them so I couldn't cancel. I was hoping I could get away with not eating since I already met my calorie limit for the day. I just came off of an amazing fast, too, and I'm starting ABC on Monday. I ordered a veggie pizza this morning that I was planning to split between today and tomorrow so that I would be at exactly 1200 cal each day. Which is A LOT for me as it is, and I already felt guilty about it. But I was feeling cravings and gave in and binged, figuring it would be ok since that's technically how many calories MFP says I should be getting in a day. But now going to dinner with my friends, I AM 685 CALORIES OVER AND I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE TRASH. Thats like 3 days worth of food for me and I just had it in one day. We ended up going to get pizza (just my luck, more pizza!) and there was no way to get away with not ordering/not eating without making it obvious since they remember me as a huge over eater back in high school and being a lot bigger.


I just feel so gross and sluggish and I am so mad at myself for caving TWICE in one day. I almost don't want to do ABC on Monday and just fast for a few days, but I know that will slow my metabolism and make it harder to lose all the weight I'll surley put on from today. Ugh why do I have to be like this?


Edit: Learned to flair & spelling

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[Rant/Rave] Fasting for the first time!! 3 days in with no cravings...
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Sat May 27 23:03:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ds595/fasting_for_the_first_time_3_days_in_with_no/
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...and it's because my boyfriend cheated on me. I'm so broken I cannot bring myself to eat. Intermittent fasting is good. Heartbreak fasting is not.

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] :)
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Sat May 27 22:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ds2t9/rave/
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I haven't pooped in days.

I can feel it in my lower intestine. I can poop tomorrow!! This means I get to know exactly what I weigh again. #getitout

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[Thinspo] Surprise thinspo from horror movie May
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 22:24:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ds036/surprise_thinspo_from_horror_movie_may/
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http://imgur.com/4DWE48w

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[Rant/Rave] Lost 20 lbs since April 8th!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 22:17:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drz6p/lost_20_lbs_since_april_8th/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Purging while on antibiotics?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 22:15:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dryu5/purging_while_on_antibiotics/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Survivalist/off grid lifestyle (Without ED)?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Sat May 27 22:05:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drxbq/survivalistoff_grid_lifestyle_without_ed/
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Any fans of the show Life Below Zero on Nat Geo/netflix? I love it! I often fantasize about living that lifestyle of subsistence/survivalism. Where I'm constantly exercising to survive and find my own food and I just eat really basic things like berries or caribou, lol. I imagine living in a cabin with a hunky outdoorsy guy and we're both super ripped from chopping wood and building canoes or whatever. I never have to worry about too many calories, only about not getting enough for my energy needs. I would look like shit from no skincare products, but at least I'd be effortlessly thin and toned.

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[Thinspo] Unexpected thinspo
/u/Airpopped6
Created: Sat May 27 21:53:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drvmg/unexpected_thinspo/
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I'm watching Fifty Shades Darker to pass the time while I start my fast lmao and Ana is so thinnnnn. Ugh.
It's pretty hilarious what your ED makes you pay attention to during sex scenes 😂

Sorry for no flair - on the app

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[Rant/Rave] Fiancé has a type and it's not me
/u/noodlesmongoose
Created: Sat May 27 21:32:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drstk/fiancé_has_a_type_and_its_not_me/
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I feel broken.


For a little background, I've been in "recovery" for almost a year now, with no purging, extreme restricting of destructive binges. Body image isn't always easy but I've taken it one day at a time and I was feeling like I was slowly gaining control. Thoughts of "how could my boyfriend love me like this" or "I know he'd prefer someone thinner and prettier" plagued me from the beginning but now, within the context of our relationship, I was finally at peace. Until 2 nights ago. I'll try not to bore anyone with the details but an accidental discovery of some porn and a stupid argument about a rough patch we had over a year ago confirmed that he definitely has a type. A thin, small type. That I am definitely not. The kicker? I'm pregnant. I'm not getting bigger yet but will be very soon.


I know that for most people, this seems like a nonissue. I cannot get over it. I feel sick every time he touches me, knowing that I'm not really what he wants. He kisses me and all I can think of is images of women I'd rather be and that he'd rather have. I get turned on and start thinking about sex with him, instead of feeling excited and in love, I feel shame, embarrassment, disgust. I'm afraid I'll never be able to be intimate with him again, over something that should be taken in stride. I've never felt less desirable in my life. I feel like have no control over these thoughts and feelings.

Not sure why I'm here posting this after almost a year away. Maybe for advice from someone who's been there. Reassurance that I'm not totally losing my sanity. Anything really. :(

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I found the BEST halo top combo milkshake...
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134.4 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 21:28:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drs78/rave_i_found_the_best_halo_top_combo_milkshake/
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At least I think so.

I used;

•1/2 pint Chocolate Halo Top (120 cal)
•one scoop of the chocolate peanut butter body fortress whey powder (200 cal)
•200ml of unsweetened almond milk (24 cal) to make a super thick chocolate milkshake with a crap ton of protein. I'm still so full from it and I made it over 5 hours ago!

I might try half a scoop of powder next time to knock down the calories and even out the flavor but damn it was good. It came out to about 340 cal total, but that's all I even wanted to have today lol.

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[Help] How many calories in a bottle of Rosé?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat May 27 21:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drrbi/how_many_calories_in_a_bottle_of_rosé/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] i have made a mistake
/u/101_honey [🌼5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sat May 27 20:39:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drkue/i_have_made_a_mistake/
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i don't wanna go home. i don't wanna go home at all.

i told my mom abt my b/p thing and some other things and now i'm so fucking anxious about being at home for three months. i'm only going home for my bf and a rlly well paying job and my dogs but fuck i regret telling her all this shit.

like i decided to stop the b/p nonsense because im not even fucking losing weight im just ruining my teeth and like she asked why my grades were bad and i was all stupid and depressed and anxious and puking a shit ton and like fuck i couldnt think of a lie and i told her

now all summer shes gonna be keeping an eye on me and like.

i hurt myself and i i had scars and she called me out so shes gonna look for that shit too (i wont do it again i told myself i wont) and i lied about them (CONCRETE STAIRS MAM)

and im gonna do a halfmara and she nagged me about it all vaycay

i feel like a cornered animal, all wild eyed and heartbeats.

i cant stand someone telling me what to do or watching my every move

i know she means well but i need space and im not even home yet and i feel so fucking trapped

---

Low cal, high density snacks?
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sat May 27 19:49:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drcys/low_cal_high_density_snacks/
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edit: meant low cal high volume

When I watch movies I looooooove to snack on food, but i don't want to go over my calories so i can't. i like air popped popcorn but i want something that tastes like junk food. i know that's a bit of a stretch but hopefully someone has a recipe! also, vegan please.

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[Help] Where do you get meal ideas?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sat May 27 19:30:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dra1a/where_do_you_get_meal_ideas/
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I find a lot of recipe subs don't fit my calorie count, everything on Facebook is fried in butter and covered in cheese, and Google is good when I already have an idea in mind. I am making myself crazy because I don't know what to make. My wandering around the grocery store and whining I can't find food is really pissing my partner off too. =/

Favorite sites, subs, anything? I'd prefer calorie counts but I can figure that out myself if needed (yay mental calorie calculator).

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[Discussion] I've never found purging to be addictive
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 19:17:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dr7zl/ive_never_found_purging_to_be_addictive/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] First day of ramadan, just had dinner (ftour) with my family
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Sat May 27 19:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dr6ao/first_day_of_ramadan_just_had_dinner_ftour_with/
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We already had a fight about why I was just eating the lettuce from the salad instead of any of the soup or the other meals on the table.

This is gonna be a fun month.

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[Rant/Rave] Back in a restricting catch
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Sat May 27 19:02:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dr5lx/back_in_a_restricting_catch/
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Just blabbin about my current situation..

I am back in a catch of no more than 500 calories a day. It just seems like FIVE HHHUUINNDDRREDDD is so much.

I don't have some big appetite right now, and actually get a high from not eating.

I have my ice cold sugar free tea, my hot coffee, and yeah, a daily vitamin. So, Im fine. Oh, and today I had my pre-measured meal of baked salmon with spinach and carrots 310 calories. (I Cook huge meals for the. Fam, and make side meals for me, measuring out every gram of everything) I have numbers on the containers to tell me what is in each meal so i can see the calories and macro breakdowns.

But Five Huuunnddrreddd just seems so huge!

Remind me of this when I'm on the binge side.

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need strategies
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 17:45:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqsvx/need_strategies/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Hahahahaha kill me hahahaha
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 118 | 17.75 | 32lbs]
Created: Sat May 27 17:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqpvj/hahahahaha_kill_me_hahahaha/
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https://i.redd.it/q6glwibdn40z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] i hate not having control over my feelings
/u/Ribump
Created: Sat May 27 16:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqcsa/i_hate_not_having_control_over_my_feelings/
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i hate myself no one cares about me everyone just talks with me about others
like i have this boy who i know for a long time and i had a crush on me and i don't have a crush on him anymore but .. you know what i mean
so he came to talk to me after a shit load of time and he just told me hey did you hear about this girl.. i haven't heard from her
and i was like i wonder what it feels like to be missed

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[Rant/Rave] Hiding fat behind clothes
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Sat May 27 16:08:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqc4n/hiding_fat_behind_clothes/
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I'm healthy (~22 BMI) but have a stomach bulge I want gone, [I'm like the 2nd/3rd one](http://imgur.com/a/lY3a5) but I need it flat.

I can probably hide it using a hoodie but its really really hot right now, and if I wear a t-shirt its noticeable.

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[Discussion] Which makes starving yourself easier?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 16:06:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqbt7/which_makes_starving_yourself_easier/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] freakin alcohol calories
/u/library-cat [5'6"| 137 | 22.2 | GW??? | 21F]
Created: Sat May 27 16:05:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqbp2/freakin_alcohol_calories/
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I can control myself all day around food (I work in a little cafe, so I find myself turning down a lot) but then I get home and I can't NOT drink that gin and tonic or beer or whatever. gah. I try not to smoke anymore so drinking is my one vice but it's like my brain can't decide between having a drinking problem and an eating disorder lol ugh

how much would I weigh if I didn't drink? it's depressing to think about

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[Intro] Hello back!
/u/MetBloedBesmeurd [161 cm | CW 57 kg | BMI 22 | -0 kg | GW 48 kg | F]
Created: Sat May 27 15:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dq7vg/hello_back/
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About half a year ago I left this place out of shame, but from today on I'm back! I binged way too much and gained an impressive 15 kg in that time. Somehow tho I finally kinda got the binging back under control and I'm back with you guys on my journey to get skinnyfit. This sub is the only one that seems to get me and my sick mind.

As probably no one got any idea who I am, I'm gonna shortly introduce myself. Be me, university student studying an amazing STEM field that I love, drinking all the beer (cutting down on that, but I love me some alcohol). Doing pretty great actually, even managed to find an amazing guy, he's also one of the reasons I'm back here, not that he has any negative comments on my weight actually, I'm just posting on here again instead of cutting to get all this stuff out (now or in the future). The other is that I just really like the like mindedness you guys provide.

So here I am a disgusting 57 KG (even tho I feel like I look slimmer than the last time I weighed this much) exercising at least 3 to 4 times a week, yay and on a 1000-1200 kcal diet again to beat the binge. Guys wish me luck and nice to meet again!

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[Rant/Rave] Lately I've been toeing the "Purge" line...
/u/MidnightBlueFox [5'5 | CW: 140lbs | BMI: 23 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 27 15:42:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dq7fh/lately_ive_been_toeing_the_purge_line/
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Possible trigger warning?
I've *slowly* lost weight but have been fluctuating between 135-140 and am having a hard time getting under. Every time I binge I think about all the calories just sitting like a hard rock in my stomach. I look at the clock and I know what I can do...atleast if I can work up enough courage in the next hour or so. But I can't. I've never purged before. I usually hate throwing up. But lately, I can't control my binging. Restricting isn't enough. Sticking my finger down my throat seems like a perfect solution. But I'm scared. And so so so disappointed in myself.

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[Rant/Rave] personal shit
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat May 27 14:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpr0b/personal_shit/
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SO I got to see my psych after like months of not seeing him (I only see him like once/month and don't pay because I don't make enough so the free clinic covers me which I'm grateful for but yeah that means not very often visits)

ANYWAY I told him I wasn't sleeping well, my purging is a daily thing, I'm just fatigued and feel down/depressed and etc.

-I got put on Pristiq and Wellbutrin.

-I feel kind of fed up with myself because here I am going into a rigorous field (physically and mentally) of nursing and I'm too fucking weak that I get dizzy, my bones are creaking, I can't retain food cuz I'm a dumbass, Im depriving my brain of knowledge because brain fog and did I mention my weak upper body strength??
-I'm just real fed up at this point @ my weak dumbassery self.

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[Other] (doodle) and you say it doesn't control you
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat May 27 14:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpq8s/doodle_and_you_say_it_doesnt_control_you/
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https://i.redd.it/mwmdbpuxn30z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Just ridiculous ED thoughts: "Have trace calories been adding up my whole life? How much would I weigh if I didn't drink diet soda?"
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat May 27 13:53:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpnai/just_ridiculous_ed_thoughts_have_trace_calories/
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All the Coke Zero, zero-calorie Monster, Crystal Light, etc...might be labeled as 0, but they can have like, as many as 8 calories in a big bottle (if it's listed as 2 servings). And I've drank a lot of it over the years.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like this is a downward spiral of thinking. I need to find things to occupy my time so I'm not alone with my thoughts.

What if I didn't drink diet soda? What if I didn't go to that birthday party when I was six? What if I had refused to latch onto my mom's boob as a baby? Lol how skinny would I be?

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[Rant/Rave] I just found out I cheated on my boyfriend and all I can do is think about fixing my body to make up for it [rant]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 13:32:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpje2/i_just_found_out_i_cheated_on_my_boyfriend_and/
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My friend told me last night that a few weeks ago I made out with some random guy when we were at a concert- I was super drunk and have absolutely no memory of it, but I am devastated and disgusted with myself and it has ignited a fir in me to either starve myself as punishment or so that my body is better when we reunite next week (can't figure out which). Ugh I just hate the control part of ED- it feels so cliché. The more I hate myself the deeper I get into my disorder. Fml

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[Rant/Rave] Always thought I couldn't purge, turns out I can
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 152 | GW 120 | -24 | 22F]
Created: Sat May 27 12:56:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpckh/always_thought_i_couldnt_purge_turns_out_i_can/
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Been yo-yoing the same few pounds for a few weeks so just been lurking here, not active because I feel like a fraud. I know this is an unsafe slippery slope. I just need go get this out. I think I'm on a bit of a self destruction kick. I started smoking again. I binge to self destruct too, restricting and purging feels like my own little secret. This is my secret world I escape to. There isn't really any point to this post other than just getting this out to someone. I don't know if this even makes sense lol?

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[Rant/Rave] I want to enjoy myself and get dinner+ice cream with my bf. But im upset about it :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 12:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp72b/i_want_to_enjoy_myself_and_get_dinnerice_cream/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE experience progress that others can see but you can't?
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 27 12:26:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp6yt/dae_experience_progress_that_others_can_see_but/
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I don't know if this is a body dysmorphia thing. I don't really see a difference with my body, but apparently it's there!

I tried on some pants I wanted to buy and was able to go down an entire size. I thought "maybe vanity sizing has just gotten worse in the last few months" but when I went home and tried on a pair of pants I was going to donate because "I'll never be able to fit into them," those also fit me *perfectly.*

Then my boyfriend came home after being away for nearly two weeks (yay *heart eye emojis everywhere*) and he keeps commenting on how I have lost weight since he left.

I told him I may have dropped a pound or something but I can't possibly look any different, and he definitely denied that one.

(*He also made a comment that leads me to believe he is suspicious but I've decided I'm just going to ignore that for right now*)

Anyway. Have any of you gone through this kind of thing? Anybody commenting on invisible weight loss or any magic clothes that miraculously fit you now?

When you drop weight/slim down, can you most certainly see the differences, or are you shocked when there's progress made because you can't see it?

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[Rant/Rave] Pls send good vibes
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Sat May 27 12:06:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp36c/pls_send_good_vibes/
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https://i.redd.it/u4c9idn8230z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I'm ready to die
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 11:56:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp16s/im_ready_to_die/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I told my parents about my ED
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 113.9 | GW 💀]
Created: Sat May 27 11:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp10c/i_told_my_parents_about_my_ed/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm sick of not being sick enough.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat May 27 11:26:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dovia/rant_im_sick_of_not_being_sick_enough/
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I've been seeking help for my mental heath for about 4 or 5 years now and I still haven't got help because I'm not anorexic and I haven't attempted suicide. Apparently it isn't enough that I have massive self harm scars, stick my fingers down my throat to throw up after eating unhealthy amounts of food, have dropped out of education twice due to being unable to attend most days because I can't face leaving the house, have ridiculously low self esteem and unhealthy body image, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, 'episodes' in which I lose lucidity and run away, scream, cry, and don't let people near me, have terrible insomnia, be ridiculously perfectionistic to the point where if it's not 100% perfect, I see myself as a failure, and am convinced that I'm a waste of life and no one wants me around anyway. But nope, my BMI is too high to get help, and unless I try to kill myself my depression must be fake. It's like they want me to get worse. It's so invalidating.

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[Other] Cook Out Ideas
/u/HallowHorcruxx [5'6| 133 | 21.46 | -69 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 11:08:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dos09/cook_out_ideas/
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My friend is coming over tomorrow and with our boys we are going to have a cook out at my apartment pool/BBQ area. I'm excited because I love the atmosphere of cook outs and tanning and swimming, but I'm pretty freaked about what to do for food. It's just the 4 of us so we have full control over what's made.

As lame as it sounds, I want cute foods and such for cute pics, but I have no idea how to do it in a low calorie way. I want our cook out to be fun and summery. I already plan to pick up some vodka and sugar free jello after work for Jell-O shots, but otherwise I'm at a loss.

Do you guys have any, relatively safe, cook out go to foods or alcoholic beverages? I already know I'll have a higher intake tomorrow, but I want to drink and be merry without full out blowing my intake.



(On mobile, please mark as Discussion or Help)

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[Discussion] Depression journal
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Sat May 27 10:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dopte/depression_journal/
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Hey friendships. I was told this video was helpful and wanted to share. I talk about when my ed and depression were at their worst and how much better I'm doing. There's a trigger warning on this so be careful if you do watch. Ily all so much (do you mind if I post videos on here)


[Depression journal](https://youtu.be/KGv-Y4GR0gY)

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depression journal
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 10:52:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dop7o/depression_journal/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] what's the most you've ever lost in 2 weeks? I need motivation right now
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sat May 27 09:58:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dof3d/whats_the_most_youve_ever_lost_in_2_weeks_i_need/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm jealous of my boyfriend's sister for being underweight
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sat May 27 09:37:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dob53/im_jealous_of_my_boyfriends_sister_for_being/
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Shes's so pretty and nice and fun. And she is absolutely tiny. She's a good bit older than me but she looks so young because she's so thin. I don't know how she does it, it comes naturally to her.

Food isn't a struggle for her, whenever I'm there she eats really fatty foods but tiny portions of them, and she isn't even trying to control herself she just stops. She doesn't have a problem with food, people constantly say it to her and she's so open and confident. Her whole family know her too well and she has just always been almost underweight. Their entire family is really unhealthy but super thin. She's the same height as me and I feel so bad about myself when I stand next to her.

How can I be that skinny and make it look easy and normal. It's so hard for me to have 5 bites of something and then just stop and say I'm super full. It's easier to fast. She has also never gone to the gym in her life, and she has the perfect body. You can also tell that she's not sick because her hair is so thick, her teeth are amazing, her skin is so healthy, and she has so much energy. She's looked the same her whole life so if she as sick there would be tell tale signs by now.

Any time I get low in weight really fast all my hair starts to fall out, I feel drunk with tiredness, I get dizzy, I snap at people, I can't concentrate, my skin gets dry and gross. Why can't I be like her.

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[Other] This basically sums up my entire existence right now
/u/diasword6
Created: Sat May 27 09:21:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do87i/this_basically_sums_up_my_entire_existence_right/
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https://i.redd.it/pndp0d6l820z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend thinks I looked the same at my highest weight as I did when I was underweight.
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Sat May 27 09:19:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do7te/my_boyfriend_thinks_i_looked_the_same_at_my/
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When my boyfriend and I met, I'd gained from my lowest weight (77) to around 85 pounds. But over the past year, I've gone up from 85 to 117. I'm losing again (so, so damn slowly), but when I mention having lost weight, he tells me that I don't look any different to him.

How?? I'm short!! I gained 32 pounds (Jesus fucking Christ, I didn't realize how bad it'd gotten until I typed it out just now) since we started dating!!!! And since we're both busy with work and school, we only see each other once a week. So any weight I've gained should've been very, *very* noticeable. How can he be so oblivious??

And to be honest, whenever he tells me that I look the same at my highest weight and my lowest, it's very triggering. If all my hard work doesn't make me look skinnier, then shouldn't I be losing more weight to achieve the effect?

I wish I could tell him all this, but I'm​ such a coward.

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[Rant/Rave] Went over my calorie limit yesterday...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Sat May 27 09:13:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do6uo/went_over_my_calorie_limit_yesterday/
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I went over my calorie limit yesterday because I saw my boyfriend eating chips and salsa before bed and I just couldn't help myself. I only had ten chips and a decent portion of salsa but it still put me over my calorie limit for the day, although I was still primed to lose weight according to MyFitnessPal.

Woke up this morning and I lost 1.4 pounds since I weighed myself yesterday morning!!! I don't log my exercise because I'd rather not be tempted to eat more because of it so I think that's what helped.

I'm so happy!

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[Goal] 8 weeks post baby. back to pre-baby weight but still want to lose 15 more by 4th of july for cancun [album in comments]
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Sat May 27 09:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do66f/8_weeks_post_baby_back_to_prebaby_weight_but/
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https://i.redd.it/0qi8a2qo620z.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] THOUGHT I GAINED 20 POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Sat May 27 09:03:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do51l/thought_i_gained_20_pounds_in_two_months/
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WEIGHED MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH AFTER BINGING LAST NIGHT, I ONLY GAINED 10 POUNDS, BOY I CAN LOSE 10 POUNDS IN LIKE A MONTH I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED. Also I'm drinking like 5-6 liters of water a day and I have a job.

So if that stream of conciousness didn't make sense: like two months of 2k-6k calories a day, thought I gained 20 pounds. Been managing my anxiety better and drinking more water etc, so I've been meaning to weigh myself and didn't get the opportunity until this morning after another little binge last night- so my weight this morning is inaccurate, I've still got tons of food and bloat so I didn't gain anywhere near as much as I thought.

Sorry. I'm so excited and I got really close to suicide a few weeks ago and I'm feeling really good about myself. I was naked in front of someone two weeks ago and didn't even think about it... even though my thighs and stomach jiggle and I hate my boobs. WOW oh my god I'm so glad I didn't kill myself.

OKAY sorry again I just really want to share for some reason, I love everyone who posts here and I haven't felt comfortable enough to post or comment lately and I'm just really happy. This post is a mess and kudos to you if you read it all!

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Random self hatred
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sat May 27 08:47:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do22j/rant_random_self_hatred/
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I've been trying to high restrict, but yesterday was so hard. I fasted in preparation for an Indian buffet, ate lightly without looking suspicious, then tried to estimate the calories. But I basically had to throw my hands up and accept that I don't know. I'm assuming about 1200. :/ The only bright spot is that my boyfriend complimented my new glasses and said I look like "a model getting paid to look smart" (lol) in them. Which he could have been fibbing about because he knows how fucking insecure I am, and that I would have cried if he wasn't so nice about it.

When I was alone again, I spent too much time looking at myself and thinking about how much I fucking hate my face. Like, looking at it and realizing that I've been walking around in my sweats without makeup, and how ugly everyone knows I am. So that was triggering. Literally spent all night in and out of the kitchen, fighting with myself not to binge. Distracted myself: mindless games, youtube, tons of water. Still ended up having four almonds, two dark chocolate squares, a tiny V8 can, and two dill pickle spears. Oh, and like an entire pack of spearmint gum (spat out while still sweet.) Which is better than what my binge brain wanted me to eat, but it's still too much on top of all the food at the buffet.

I don't know what to do today. I'm still feeling fragile from yesterday. My boyfriend is back in town. If I cook, I get to control the food, but it would make the food really *available* and be a trigger for me today. (And I'll feel guilty making "safe" foods because my boyfriend is backpacking and doesn't get to eat real hot meals most of the time.) If I don't cook, we'll go out and I'll be scared of overeating there too. I've been wanting sushi for weeks and I know if he asks me what I want, I won't be able to resist. He just makes me smile and pulls it out of me. If we get greasy diner food like he's been craving lately, I already know what I would order. And on a regular day I might be able to mitigate the damage of all these choices, but today I don't know. Yesterday was already so hard.

I feel weak for how much I've been feeding my body. I feel stupid for walking around looking ugly. It makes me want to give up. I put all this effort into being *kind of* thin *maybe*, so then I don't have the energy to even give a fuck about making myself presentable. But if I did that, it would require more time in front of the mirror, and I'd find more things to hate about myself. The only thing keeping me from wanting to walk into traffic lately is just deciding not to give a fuck what people think, but for some reason I'm caring about it again.

I fucking hate this. I hate my face, I hate my flabby body, I hate that I don't know what people are thinking when they look at me, and if I did know I would hate that too. I thought I could stop hiding from mirrors but I know now I was fooling myself. Fuck this.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else find that premeditated binges can be helpful?
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Sat May 27 07:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dns7w/does_anyone_else_find_that_premeditated_binges/
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I'm normally pretty good at restricting during the week because my schedule means I'm not at home for 11/12 hours a day and come right home to bed after work.


But lately I've been allowing myself a planned binge Friday evenings after work. I order food on my way home and then binge on 2500-4000 calories in one sitting.


Which is a bit insane, don't get me wrong. But then I wake up Saturday mornings a couple of pounds heavier and it allows me to restrict on the weekends without feeling like I'm depriving myself. Weekends (or any time at home) are normally when I binge out of control and I've been finding that my planned binges on Friday nights allow me to avoid the 10,000/day binges that were happening every Saturday and Sunday.


Does anyone else do this? Like, don't get me wrong, all it's doing is allowing me to avoid gaining weight rather than helping me lose. But I'm so sick of gaining and losing the same 10lbs that I'm actually decently happy with achieving maintenance.

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[Help] I couldn't purge my binge and now I want to be destructive in other ways
/u/forestfloorpool [170cm + bmi18 + gbmi16 +24f]
Created: Sat May 27 07:01:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dnkoq/i_couldnt_purge_my_binge_and_now_i_want_to_be/
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I am so mad at myself. I knew my ability to purge was fading, and I wasn't even hungry. This was a big binge (a whole pizza and garlic bread) for me and I am miserable. I hate myself and I want to be destructive in so many other ways (drink, shop etc). This whole eating issue is starting to get out of control.

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[Help] Just used the bmi calculator and feel like shit now
/u/SpookySoulGeek
Created: Sat May 27 07:00:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dnkg3/just_used_the_bmi_calculator_and_feel_like_shit/
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Hi, I have EDNOS and I just did the bmi calculator. -long sigh- I don't know what to do. I put in the weight of the last time I weighed myself (over a year ago because im afraid of the scale) and it still said I'm obese.

Recently my symptoms have been getting bad again, I used to have this under control and was great with self love, but stress and health issues have been making it come back. I refuse ot buy good clothes until I lose at least 50 lbs. I used to be on a pro ana website years ago when I was still using drugs( im a year and 9 months clean now).

So yeah, I already go to a therapist and we do CBT work, I just found this rsubeddit randomly after searching for recovery subreddits, so yeah...

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start running or you'll always be fat
/u/iamthenewDK
Created: Sat May 27 06:28:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dng1n/start_running_or_youll_always_be_fat/
---
[removed]

---

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 27 06:10:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dndlt/stupid_questions_saturday_may_27_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 27, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 27 06:10:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dndku/daily_food_diary_may_27_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] fucked the fuck up
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 27 05:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dnawl/rantrave_fucked_the_fuck_up/
---
Tried to eat maintenance

Broke a fucking 15+ days streak of not purging

I fucking hate myself

---

[Rant/Rave] Eat a real meal
/u/thirdocean
Created: Sat May 27 05:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dn848/eat_a_real_meal/
---
This is dumb. Say I. Because it's about me. W/e.

I binge drink. I don't like it. It made me gain 30 pounds, but I guess I feel normal when I drink. I can eat then.

My boyfriend and I are getting married at 20-21. Because then he gets cheap college, I get commitment or w/e. It's mostly to save money. I want to lose at least 30 pounds. I need to. But being the center of attention gives me panic attacks so to talk about it we were going to drink. And he kept saying before I could have any I had to eat "a real meal" I've been eating less than 800 cal a day and he won't let me 130 cal turkey cheddar brats count unless I eat more than 1. 260 calories and the alcohol? 100 calories a shot. I almost cried.

I guess I'm ranting though

---

[Rant/Rave] Long exciting weekend! Been looking forward to it for weeks! Time for brain to fuck it up.
/u/080704272
Created: Sat May 27 05:16:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dn67f/long_exciting_weekend_been_looking_forward_to_it/
---
Anyone else have this issue? Felt good (well, decent) all week. Didn't mega hate my body. Minimum food guilt. Body dysmorphia in check.

But, like fucking clockwork, I'm sitting here at the start of the weekend feeling like a failure. I've been looking forward to this holiday weekend forever. But now that its here, my brain is going over all the things I've should've done differently leading up to it so I would be able to "enjoy" it more.

I don't feel super fat, but what if I did gain weight? I probably did. At least a few lbs. My ribs don't feel as sharp any more. Why does it matter? It doesn't. But wouldn't it be nicer if I was as bony as I was a few weeks ago? Maybe I am? Who knows.

Don't get me wrong. I'm over all way happier in whatever version of "recovery" I'm currently in. But at least before I could reassure myself that I had done everything right (restrict/over exercise) leading up to today and find some bit of solace.

Oh well.


**TL;DR I can never enjoy anything because my brain hates me.**

---

[Rant/Rave] Good freakin' morning!!!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 27 03:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dmu5t/good_freakin_morning/
---
Just weighed myself and I'm back to 126! I didn't update my flair because I was embarrassed, but I had gotten up to 128 (damn you, Mexican food binges!) and this morning I weighed myself and I'm an even 126. Fuck yeah. Just had to share here since no one IRL cares 🙃


Edited because I wrote this when I was barely awake and it didn't make much sense, haha

---

[Other] Eating maintenance and will not freak out
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 27 02:06:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dmkv2/eating_maintenance_and_will_not_freak_out/
---
I'm eating maintenance and I will not purge or freak out. I can feel the pull of my body towards eating after a few days of restriction and giving into maintenance is a good thing.

I will not freak out, I will not freak out. :/

---

[Rant/Rave] I kind of love the fact that no one gives a shit about me.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 27 01:06:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dme6s/i_kind_of_love_the_fact_that_no_one_gives_a_shit/
---
(I know you guys care but I mean in real life people)

I don't have a boyfriend anymore so theres no one around to ask me about going out to dinner and I only have one friend that I never see. She knows about my ED but she doesnt give a shit besides the occasional "you shouldn't be throwing up" type thing.

No one is harassing me about eating, or asking about my weight. I think I'm better off alone.

---

[Help] Quick question
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 27 00:06:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dm725/quick_question/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] He knows.
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 214 | -22lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Fri May 26 23:06:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlz16/he_knows/
---
My husband knows about my past Ed.

I'm positive he knows now too.

Shit.


He was so proud of me today. I had 1200 calories. That's how "Normal" people diet.

He knows the only reason I had any lunch was because he went out to get that butter slathered sausage bagle and shoved it at me at work. I've been depressed since.

The only reason I made fatty beef ribs was to make him happy but he insists that I must enjoy them too or he isn't having any -_-

Fuck. I've only lost 17lbs goddamit!

My doctor is proud of me! My mom is encouraging me! -_-

QUIT CARING!!!... Just for a while?

---

[Rant/Rave] Just looking to vent
/u/redzinnias
Created: Fri May 26 22:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dly1k/just_looking_to_vent/
---
I hope this is the right place for this.

I'm going back home to see my family (who all have no idea about my ED) for a few days. I'm nervous because that's where all my disordered eating started & it's a triggering place to be. Everyone in my family is overweight besides me. I know my parents will comment on my weight, I'm already preparing myself for potential responses. Watching them eat disgusts me, especially my sister & her boyfriend. My sister didn't gain weight (approx. 100 lbs) until they started dating because they always eat fast food. When I'm home, no one monitors my eating like my boyfriend can in our apartment. Only one meal is served to me with my family, so usually I only ever eat dinner & even then I'm really good about sneaking my food back onto the serving trays in the kitchen.

I'll be with my old friends a lot, which means I'll be comparing myself to them. It's about 15 degrees hotter there, so they'll probably all be in shorts. I haven't decided if I'll pack any or if I'll stick to jeans. I'm the tallest (which is oddly triggering to me too) but I'm not the skinniest. I secretly hope at least ONE of them has gained weight. It's been months since I've seen them, I'm terrified that I'll end up being the biggest still. I know they'll want to go out to eat a ton. I moved to a small town without much in it, so whenever I return home my friends practically demand we eat out everywhere because I'm 'missing out.'

I'm nervous. I'm scared. I want to have fun & not have to force it or fake it because the whole time my mind is consumed by wether or not my thighs are bigger than her thighs. Lately I've been fighting off destructive urges more than usual & I feel like I'll be on edge the whole time that when I come back to my apartment, a relapse is inevitable.

Why is being happy with yourself so hard?

---

[Discussion] My mom won't stop talking about weight
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 199 lb | 25 | -50 lb | F]
Created: Fri May 26 21:21:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dljhd/my_mom_wont_stop_talking_about_weight/
---
Okay so my mom keeps bringing up how fat she is, how she wants to lose weight, how she just won't eat anything to lose weight, etc. It's honestly just been really super triggering! I hate using that word, but it's the only way to describe it. Especially since I've been binging hard this week (finals + lady stuff... yay...), so I feel like a whale. :-(

It's just... ugh, why does she always bring it up? I haven't lost weight recently, I haven't been restricting much, nothing has really changed to indicate that I want to lose weight or anything like that.

And, summer's coming up for me, which is usually when I restrict hardcore. However, I'm going to a camp for a month, so I can't do that because I'll need my brain for doing homework. It's freaking me out really bad. Usually as soon as summer starts, I start restricting to <1000 cal a day, and lose a lot before school comes around. So I'm upset about not being able to restrict all summer, and my mom won't stop talking about getting skinnier. It seriously is stressing me out so much guys. :-(

(Sorry for lack of flair, I'm on mobile!)

---

[Rant/Rave] This is it
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Fri May 26 21:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlgdy/this_is_it/
---
I've been yo-yoing between 110 and 120 since January. I'm done. I'm always either starving or my stomach aches from being stuffed. I used to think binging was bullshit because I never had any urges to. This mornings breakfast was rocky road ice cream, brownies with a white chocolate mocha. I could have made those calories last a week and would still feel bad about it. So I'm done. I bought my summer clothes, and I'm refusing to buy anything larger than an XS. I'm placing an order on wish (which I KNOW runs small), it's going to take about six weeks to arrive and goddammit they're going to fit when they get here.

---

[Other] Sometimes I fancy myself a writer (Other)
/u/Discountmein
Created: Fri May 26 20:59:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlg4h/sometimes_i_fancy_myself_a_writer_other/
---
I write a lot, and I like to think of myself as a writer but I don't often admit to it In Real Life. I hope this fits well here. Thank you al for being so lovely.



I'm freaked out by my loneliness
and the hole in my stomach
where my dermal anchor jumped ship,
I'm freaked out about my ovaries
never hatching and my uterus
falling out between my legs

I'm freaked out about how my skin
won't stop jumping like a live wire
and I lay awake in bed at night
promising my hair and teeth
to whoever will let me sleep

I am grossed out, skeezed out by life
and it's permutations,
needing to eat spaghetti
and being afraid of worms

I'm scared of how the pills make it worse
and better at the same time
like my bell curve has been inverted
and makes no more ringing

I am terrified of my sluggish self
and yet continue to dress in all gray
because I need to feel at home
and not worthy of attention

I'm freaked out by the shape
of what my emptiness might become
and if I'll have to wrap myself in quilts
to warm the part of my heart
reaching for a tiny hand

But my grasp is weak anyway
and I think blankets are plenty to hold

---

[Rant/Rave] I will not purge
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri May 26 20:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlazq/i_will_not_purge/
---
I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge will not purge I will not purge I will not purge

I can eat 1500 calories like a normal person and not purge. Any weight that I gain tomorrow is not real weight. I will not purge. I don't purge anymore.

---

[Other] Purging is becoming a regular thing again......
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Fri May 26 19:55:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dl5lo/purging_is_becoming_a_regular_thing_again/
---
Binged/purged every day this week at least once. Yesterday I just kept piling food into my body like a fucking pig, I didn't even get the taste of puke out of my mouth before I was eating again. I think I purged 5 times by the time I was done.

Restricting has been so easy for me and I'm ruining all the work I've done in the last few months.

I don't understand why I'm doing this, and I don't know how to get out of this spiral.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] today took SUCH a terrible fucking 180°
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Fri May 26 19:07:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkxgh/rantrave_today_took_such_a_terrible_fucking_180/
---
Since my post earlier, I am so far from okay that I have the urge to purge (and am irrationally angry that it rhymes)

Except

I have been on a water fast today

????

Why am I like this UGH

Full disclosure, the mood change had NOTHING to do with weight shit, but that's the direction my sick lil head brought it to "make me feel better"

Fuck

Is it weird that I wanna fuck up my fast so I can purge? I'm not... er .. I don't *think* I will purge, but idk man

I'm at a loss, too, bc the stress has my gut burbling and now I'm not gonna be *able* to get away with having fasted bc the boy will know and be sad and I can't have that on top of this :(

Sorry, I just really needed to get that out

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else find that restriction stabilises their mood/self esteem?
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F 🌱]
Created: Fri May 26 18:49:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dku74/does_anyone_else_find_that_restriction_stabilises/
---
This is something that literally keeps me going. The thought that if I go back to mindless eating I'll start re-experiencing instability.

When I wasn't restricting, my mood was extremely temperamental and my anger issues were pretty bad. Huge fluctuations by the hour caused by external and internal factors.

My self esteem had nothing to fall back on if something someone said really hurt me. Now it's like, yeah they critiqued my work, but I haven't eaten over 1000 calories a day in a month so I *do have worth*. And it keeps my mood from dropping.

The only times I really experience irritability/anger/anxiety are when things related to my intake are fucked with. So I avoid situations where that could happen, I make rules, I don't take shit from people trying to get me to "try this it's so yummy!". Everything comes back to my intake. So if I control it, everything else is okay.

---

[Goal] Why does this app hate me haha
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 18:19:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkpbb/why_does_this_app_hate_me_haha/
---
https://imgur.com/ecJkqu3

---

[Rant/Rave] My stomach hates me. Why.
/u/Crunchyricecake
Created: Fri May 26 18:00:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dklr6/my_stomach_hates_me_why/
---
Here is a list of what I binged today, in order:

Cookie

Two tomatoes

Two turkey sandwiches

One drumstick ice cream cone

One bite of three musketeers

One pickle spear

Two nature valley bars

When I purged, only the pickle and tomato came out! (Sorry if TMI)

What the heck! The least caloric items I ate! And not even the most recent!

Anyone else can offer some insight of why this happened/your experiences?

---

[Rant/Rave] The ED life
/u/MrCMmour
Created: Fri May 26 17:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dklji/the_ed_life/
---
Yesterday I surpassed my goal weight of 129lbs at 127.8lbs and a height of 5'10", I was officially underweight! I had lost over 40lbs!

I was extremely pleased and it made my day; for the first time I started to feel somewhat skinny.

I forgot about the hunger, the fatigue and the sadness and enjoyed the day.

I had achieved something and I was proud of that.

Today, yesterday wasn't enough.

That is the reality of eating disorders. You feel in control right until you realise you aren't.
After all I'm only just underweight, I still have fat, I'm still not skinny enough.
In the morning I had only lost 0.8lbs and I was annoyed despite knowing this was a good loss.

I binged today and dread the number on the scales tomorrow morning.

I need to be skinny to feel like I belong to something, like I'm not worthless.

My ED controls my life but I welcome it; without it, depression and anxiety take away that life.

Tomorrow I will restrict again: trying to achieve the un-acheivable with everyone else here.

---

[Rant/Rave] My mum just saw how much weight I lost...[rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:56:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkkzx/my_mum_just_saw_how_much_weight_i_lostrave/
---
... And she's not happy about it.

Cue the "you need to look after your body, I'm worried about you".

Then it was my turn to say "ah DW mum I'm just poor and stressed so haven't been eating a lot". Hell, I was surprised at my OWN lie.

That seemed to placate her so good going, SpeckledCollie 8-)

---

[Rant/Rave] Forever the ugly sister [rant]
/u/HallowHorcruxx [5'6| 133 | 21.46 | -69 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:56:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkkvp/forever_the_ugly_sister_rant/
---
This kid at my work used to have it bad for me. He's 3 years younger than me, and even more immature than that. He had the typical preteen way of showing a crush, teasing constantly, mixed with strange hints and things he would say making it super obvious. He would give me knowing looks and say he has a crush on someone at work (and since the only other pretty girl in the office he says is not his type at all, it's obviously me). He would start listing attributes he wants in a girl, and would list things that he's already said to me (similar tastes, intelligent, fun to talk to, older, etc)

Then he did the whole "you have a sister?" bit, since I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he knew he didn't have a chance with me. And he crept through my Instagram and found her. And as a joke started asking after her and saying I should hook them up.

Now he has a legitimate hardcore crush on her. He goes on and on about how beautiful she is and how banging her body is. And it's no longer just a joke. I said something to her and he got so embarrassed. He shows her off to our other coworkers, even though he's never met her, because she's so gorgeous every one should see. And he's stopped saying all the stuff about how pretty or great or smart or funny I am.

I feel terrible because I am in a happy committed relationship, and I had no feelings towards him, but I miss him having a crush on me. In the exceedingly rare instances where someone actually has a crush on me, I love the ego boost it gives me. Something about knowing someone else, besides me long term boyfriend, has a crush on me makes me actually like myself a little bit too.

He likes to make fat jokes towards me occasionally, and as we all know even if "everyone knows you're not fat", we legitimately believe it. And he keeps mentioning her body. Like when I'm being honest, she might even have more chub than me, but she's got a great butt. And when I call him out for being so in love based off of nothing but a few pictures, one of his justifications is "I don't date fat girls, and she's not fat". Idk if he's purposefully implying that I am fat, but that's how it comes across.

I just feel like an awful, jealous, possessive monster. I have no interest in him, but having him drop his crush on me in favor of my sister is literally driving me crazy. I feel positively green. I wish he never found her Instagram. Because this is just another instance where my sister unintentionally outshines me. I may be the older sister, but I will always be the ugly one. She will always be prettier than me, and if given the chance, my own boyfriend would probably choose her over me.

(I'm on mobile and can't flair, sorry. Please flair this as rant)

---

[Help] I just ate questionable food in hopes it would make me sick
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 17:47:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkjcp/i_just_ate_questionable_food_in_hopes_it_would/
---
I used these bags of frozen peas to nurse a sprained ankle and they went through a freeze/semi-thaw cycle several times during that time. I had one bag last night and one bag just now. I guess last night's didn't make me sick but I kind of cooked them, tonight's I just ate them frozen out of the bag.
Can't get up the courage to purge all the shit I ate today, maybe this will do it for me 🙊

---

[Help] B vitamins
/u/BodilySolids
Created: Fri May 26 17:24:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkf4q/b_vitamins/
---
DAE get any energy from sublingual b12? I still have some from when I was vegan (took it to not die, but had to give up veganism temporarily when I became anemic to the point of iron infusions).

I kind of want to take them again instead of a multivitamin, because I think they can help with energy and metabolism, but I think I may need to take a multivitamin, because I'm restricting to 250-600ish kcal a day, but I don't wanna overdo the b12 if that's dangerous.

---

[Rant/Rave] i'm the friend you're embarrassed to be seen with
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Fri May 26 17:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkea2/im_the_friend_youre_embarrassed_to_be_seen_with/
---
the one who gets the last minute invite, has to take the photos or just get diddy cropped out.

one time i went to portland with a friend and her friend for three weeks. (side note anyone else measure time in how much they weighed) i was left out of facebook statuses, instagram posts, tweets, to the outside world i wasn't there for any of it. just my other two friends having a ball i don't exist don't worry

maybe they're just shitty people, or fat girl invisibility is real. but in my heart i know that people wouldn't be ashamed if i was thinner

i deleted all my actual social media recently. because it was so hard. this way i can pretend it's all my decision

anyone here relate?

---

[Discussion] Little things you keep in mind?
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:09:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkcge/little_things_you_keep_in_mind/
---
what is something that always helps you put down whatever you're eating? like a personal goal? can be positive or negative!

---

[Rant/Rave] hahahaha fuuuuck
/u/kooraloo [5'2 | fat as fuck | F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:03:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkbby/hahahaha_fuuuuck/
---
When your law school orientation stresses you out so much you binge on a whole pizza and purge it all up. fuck me.

The bright side I didn't buy the pizza-- it was left over from orientation lunch.

The downside... I was doing so good. And I ducked out of orientation day 2 to do this shit and I need to go back.

---

[Rant/Rave] What am I doing wrong?
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Fri May 26 17:02:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkb7k/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] One more comment and my head will explode
/u/thanatognomonic [5'4" | CW 135 | GW 99]
Created: Fri May 26 16:41:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dk7a6/one_more_comment_and_my_head_will_explode/
---
Recently, my mom just will not shut her mouth about my body. She's made it her number 1 concern to tell me everything about it and it's so triggering.

When I was at my low weight, she would force me to weigh the cat just so she could figure out what my weight was and tell me how gross it was, she'd buy jeans that were "supposed to be too small" and say "These shouldn't fit..." when they did, etc.

Now I'm at my high weight and she's done a complete 180. She publicly humiliates me when we go out to restaurants ("Haha don't eat all the bread! If I don't remind you you'll even eat the table!") She constantly reminds me how my thigh gap is gone and I'm "filling out my clothes more" and I "need to lift some weights". She asks why I don't spend time with her but when I do all she talks about is how fat and gross I am. Today she found a wrapper in my room from about a month ago and looked at me and said "You need to stop snacking, you do realize you're getting stretch marks around your thighs, right?"

I don't know what to do. Can anyone relate? I'm so frustrated.

---

[Rant/Rave] Tricked my own shitty binge brain
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Fri May 26 16:38:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dk6q6/tricked_my_own_shitty_binge_brain/
---
So my SO and I got in a huge fight, he walked out and there was a giant pizza sitting on the table. So naturally i was ready to eat the whole thing, plus everything in the house, is why I weigh 200 lbs, and after pacing a while and trying to distract myself I decided to get a Halo Top ice cream out because it'll take me a long time to eat and it's only 360 for the whole thing.

So I took it out, put it in the microwave to melt it a bit, and... The urge just... Went away. I can't explain it. I was like "FUCK EVERYTHING GIVE ME FOOD" and the next second I was like "oh, I'm fine, I don't need this" the next. I think just the act of getting the food out was enough to settle my shitty binge brain down.

It's bizarre and awesome and I'm excited about it. Go me.

---

Told the person I'm seeing....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 16:23:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dk441/told_the_person_im_seeing/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] everything is a fear food, i don't even know what to do
/u/whale_x [5'4" | 113. 4lbs | 19.95 bmi | 14F]
Created: Fri May 26 15:51:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djxvt/everything_is_a_fear_food_i_dont_even_know_what/
---
for the past two weeks, all i've done is fast or binge. i'm currently up to like 40 hours on a fast.

so i biked out to the store near my house and bought some gum and diet soda to reward myself for getting through the school day without caving (i've had a shitty day, i wanted to reward myself), but after being full from drinking a medium diet soda, i've only gotten more upset.

i also chewed a stick of gum, but then i started worrying about the calories in there.

normally, my safe food list is very short. it used to be - blueberries, raspberries, peas, ketchup, meatless meatballs & other similar vegetarian products, gum, diet soda, and basically, that's it. it used to be much longer, but it's only gotten shorter and shorter as my life revolves around food.

but now, i can't stand the thought of eating basically anything. my mind just runs off without me and i lose rationality.

i get very obsessive phases. sometimes it's cutting, sometimes it's exercising, but now it's fasting... and i don't know how to pull myself out of this hole.

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend loves food
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 15:43:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djw57/my_boyfriend_loves_food/
---
RANT RANT RANT this might be long


I've been with my boyfriend for about two years, he doesn't know about my ED. He does know that I try to eat "healthy" but he's pretty oblivious to calories and healthy eating. He is very spontaneous and he loves to eat.


So there's a lot of "hey let's get cake/fast food!!" All. The. Time. And he'll bring me Cheetos randomly, which is sweet but he didn't get how insane it makes me.


And to top it all off, he works at an ice cream shop and gets free ice cream whenever he wants. Last week he brought home two pints of ice cream for me. Today he persuaded me to go get some ice cream with him, I asked him for one scoop and he gave me a giant scoop topped with whipped cream. Even though he doesn't know about my ED, he knows I'm trying to be healthy and lose weight 😭


So after that ice cream today I asked him "why are you trying to make me fat?" And his response was "well I know that when I'm not with you, you eat pretty much nothing."


It's really hard to deal with all this temptation, but he's getting to be slightly overweight and he wants to lose weight so I offered to help him get healthy. I've tried this before, but it seems like he's actually serious this time so hopefully it will be better soon (ugh).

---

[Rant/Rave] Fat Friday
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 15:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djupt/fat_friday/
---
Tonight I'm going to a thing that some guys I knew in college (~5-8 years ago) are going to also. Of course, I'll be interacting with them and they'll see me and my body. I'm so disappointed in myself that I've either gained weight (somehow MFP lost all records before 2013) or not even maintained since then, and also, I literally had 6 donuts today and feel super fat and full and disgusting. Fortunately, each of the 3 dresses I'm considering wearing would hide belly bulge fairly well, but my arms are still flabby and the dresses are long so my legs that are getting somewhat toned from running won't even show, which I guess is good because I have fat knees. I also have this weird tan from running and I just feel gross all over. Might as well just drink a bunch too. Cheers to tonight y'all ✌️

---

[Goal] [goals] I FIT MY OLD PANTS
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Fri May 26 14:50:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djlg1/goals_i_fit_my_old_pants/
---
So

I didn't see ANY progress this time, and I ALWAYS at least notice it even if I don't think it's good enough

But I literally did not notice a change

UNTIL THIS MORNING

I decided that since I was already feeling like a fat fucking piece of shit bc of yesterday's binge, today was the day to hate myself worse and FINALLY try on my old favorite jeans to shame myself into hardcore restriction today (maybe even a fast until after work) BUT THEN THEY WERE FUCKING LOOSE ON ME AND I'M SO EXCITED I TOOK MY FIRST BODY PROGRESS PHOTO IN IDK HOW LONG (I was hating myself too much until today)

So like

Is this subreddit a place where I can post it cuz I am actually happy (kinda) with this one (obvs not really where I wanna be yet but I'm still ecstatic to be in these pants and they're LOOSE)

Also to everyone who gave me advice on constipation thank youuuuuuuuu I FINALLY got that settled and I'm feeling less heavy 💜

---

[Rant/Rave] I thought I'd have my life together by now.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Fri May 26 14:50:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djlen/i_thought_id_have_my_life_together_by_now/
---
Rambling ahead, sorry! Just sucks that I'm the fairy child of the family. The weird vegan, the one who works in a barn and has like, one semester of college under her belt, the one who lives with her boyfriend (gasp!) which according to my parents is a Big Sin (even though they divorced and have both remarried- my dad has twice.) I'm a 25 year old who can't even feed herself properly. 🙃

---

[Discussion] How do you substitute foods? From unsafe to safe?
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 14:42:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djjw6/how_do_you_substitute_foods_from_unsafe_to_safe/
---
Is there a way for you to make unsafe foods safe?
How do you substitute unsafe foods and ingredients, safen-ise unsafe recipes?
To avoid trigger foods but still satisfy your cravings?
Or also just make safe foods just a notch safer?

I actually always did most of these things when I was missing ingredients especially whilst travelling.
drinking my coffee with cinnamon and sometimes other spices and genuinely love it.
I generally use cinnamon a lot. Metabolism booster.

Frothing (plant) milk and maybe add cocoa and cinnamon and eat it like a mousse out of a bowl with a small spoon. I like how long it takes.

Cauliflower Taboul

Mineral Water Crêpes

I make vegetable ceviche
- usually a south american dish were you leave fish in lemon/lime over hours until the acid cooks it all.
Using citrus or vinegar and all kinds of veggies. Also the ones like eggplant, squash, sweet potato. They end up not being raw but also not heavily cooked= still nutritious and a lot lighter in calories.
Then I add spices, chilies and herbs. Onions.
Be creative.

Let them sit for several hours/overnight/a day in the juice/vinegar...

---

[Discussion] How much does a kidney weigh?
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 23F]
Created: Fri May 26 13:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dj9iq/how_much_does_a_kidney_weigh/
---
If I donated a kidney, do you think I would permanently lose a pound? More than a pound? Why is this something that would even occur to me??

---

[Rant/Rave] Hello ladies and gentlemen!
/u/starvingforbeauty
Created: Fri May 26 13:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dj0q9/hello_ladies_and_gentlemen/
---
I promise that I will try to keep this post as positive as I can so here it goes: I am one pound away from my UGW of 110!!! I feel awesome and when I stand in front of the mirror (or stand sideways) I look so thin-- then I look at myself from the front and I look wide and fat...

I wonder if it's just my brain, if I need to lose a few more pounds or maybe it's just that I am a wide person? lol, I don't know if that's a thing... (wide-boned?? 😂 )

---

[Rave] I'm in Florida!
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Fri May 26 13:01:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diyk2/im_in_florida/
---
Hey guys! It's been forever I know. Lots of crazy shit has gone on and I'll update everyone soon but I just wanted to check in and say I'm finally on my vacation! 🐚🌴🏖☀I look awesome in my bathing suits, I'm the thinnest person on the trip (thinner than Ana!SIL!!!) and I feel fucking amazing. Fiancé's family are being dicks as usual but they've gotten so much karma this week I'm not even mad.. I'll have to tell you about it later. Fiancé is ignoring them and spoiling me and it's awesome. Fuck the haters. All my hard work was worth it. I look amazing and they're all fat, bitter assholes. Sucks to suck!

Anybody else feeling pumped about meeting your summer goals? Have I missed any good drama since I've been away? Got any stories of getting thin and beating your haters? They say looking good is the best revenge. Spill in the comments! 💜 I've missed you guys.

(Tag this as rave! :D)

---

[Rant/Rave] obsessing over potential calories ugh
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Fri May 26 12:44:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diuyo/obsessing_over_potential_calories_ugh/
---
i'm looking through pictures from ~three weeks ago, when i was ~4 pounds lighter and actually felt good about myself instead of gross and self-conscious all the time. now i'm freaking out about the amount of calories i'll probably eat at this street fair thing today and want to go run but can't find the motivation lollllll cool! but if i run i'll probably feel kind of nauseous afterwards and eat less at least there's that haha anyways sorry for this stupid rant

---

[Discussion] Anyone else have two calorie goals?
/u/leberef
Created: Fri May 26 12:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dit02/anyone_else_have_two_calorie_goals/
---
So typically I try to eat under 500 cals but if I go over by a bit (usually 50-100 cals) I switch to thinking "well I can still eat under 1000 today and still be far below my TDEE." I find that it helps me fight cravings and stop binging as well as not being so upset when I eat more than I had planned.

---

Just a Monster PSA...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 12:29:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dirpv/just_a_monster_psa/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] Fellow Halo Top afficionados... am I misremembering, or...
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Fri May 26 12:23:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diqfh/fellow_halo_top_afficionados_am_i_misremembering/
---
...didn't chocolate mocha chip used to be 280 calories? I could have sworn none of the original seven flavors (and I'm pretty sure that was one of them) was over 300.

Because now the website lists it as 320 😡

https://www.halotop.com/flavors/

Maybe my memory is on the fritz, but like many of you, I'm a fucking calorie encyclopedia, and the website listing isn't jiving with flipping to the Hs in my brain and looking up Halo Top - chocolate mocha chip.

---

[Rant/Rave] The Body Dysmorphia Blues
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Fri May 26 12:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6din2t/the_body_dysmorphia_blues/
---
Another fantastic chapter in the best-selling novel "WHY I HATE MY BRAIN."
 

In my mind, I am not small or frail or tiny or skinny but I am at a recent lowest weight in a while (oh haaay BMI of 18.9) and keep getting comments from my friends and family and my mind is going back and forth from "STOP LYING TO ME" and "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU AND CAN NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN."
How do you guys deal with this moment of irrationality? When someone tells you "no wonder you're so tiny" or "skinny bitch" (in a loving way, that's my best friend) or my SO ran his hand along my spine and mentioned how "you know you're skinny when I can feel all the bones in your spine" and I just want to yell "NO NO NO I DO NOT BECAUSE I AM NOT" but I don't want to look like a crazy person this early the relationship (but that's a drink of a different color) and bite my tongue and just continue to be baffled at what they could be seeing.
 

There's no way that they see *this* as tiny or thin or skinny. There's no way. They are either deluded or stupid but I know that's not true SO it has to be me... I mean, I know it's me but wouldn't it be so much easier if they were deluded and I was right all the time?
 

So minor rant over. Anyone else struggling with this? Advice would be appreciated but not needed, mostly just looking for others to commiserate and wallow in my insanity with.
 

**EDIT** because formatting is a pain on mobile

---

[Goal] today my mom told me i'm looking skinny
/u/lemon_sox [5'5" | 143.2 lbs | BMI 25.05 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 12:06:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dimjx/today_my_mom_told_me_im_looking_skinny/
---
she said i've been looking smaller since i got home
I'm a little worried about that but i'm passing it off as "oh i just eat healthier now that i'm home"

i just started vegetarianism again along w my usual restricting

i'm just weirdly proud that she noticed

and also i only eat in front of her and i make sure she sees my binges so she isn't even suspicious 😇 only a few more months till i move out anyways!!

---

[Rant/Rave] So. I just finished crying because my parents didn't allow me to make a salad I'd planned for dinner.
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Fri May 26 11:47:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diiby/so_i_just_finished_crying_because_my_parents/
---
Jesus Christ, I cut myself too. What the fuck? Who the fuck does that?

On the plus side, I'm not hungry anymore. Oh god, please, just *please*, let me die already. Just take me. Every time I see a car passing I wish for it to run me over.

This is a pointless rant and I'm so fed up with myself. My prom is in a week and I'm too fat and too full of scars to go. Fuck me.

---

[Thinspo] Jamming to Amy Winehouse when I saw this picture and couldn't help but to be a little jealous...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Fri May 26 11:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dihxy/jamming_to_amy_winehouse_when_i_saw_this_picture/
---
http://imgur.com/a/CiIOP

---

[Rant/Rave] Wtf is a normal appetite? Never heard of it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 11:07:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di8yf/wtf_is_a_normal_appetite_never_heard_of_it/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Where are all of you from?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri May 26 10:56:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di66r/where_are_all_of_you_from/
---
Nationalities etc. I kinda wanna know if you guys are from all over the world or whatnot cuz that's some cool shit

I'm Korean American. Used to be here illegally but am citizen now (hi Mr. Trump)

---

[Goal] Update:
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri May 26 10:54:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di5wa/update/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Losing weight but clothes still fitting the same??
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 10:54:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di5r7/losing_weight_but_clothes_still_fitting_the_same/
---
As title says, I've lost weight (10+ lbs), but I put on a pair of skinny jeans today and they're snug as hell. I can see the difference in my body, but what the hell? Anyone else get this too? Or is it just the skinny jeans being dumb?

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri May 26 10:53:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di5hx/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/s56w8az6kvzy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] "Low calorie" meals sound horrifingly calorie dense and it stresses me out. Thanks ed.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 10:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhwi9/low_calorie_meals_sound_horrifingly_calorie_dense/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] [goal] I fit into a children's size 14!
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 09:28:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhmsv/goal_i_fit_into_a_childrens_size_14/
---
I needed a spare pair of pants today and my mum offered me my younger sister's pants that she grew out of. At first I thought there was no way they would fit because they're a children's size, but they actually fit really nicely and look as good as pants can on my weird body. I know a children's 14 is basically a woman's 0, but the idea that I'm as small as a child is nice in a weird, eating disordered sort of way.

---

[Discussion] How do you Food Substitute for Low Calorie
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 09:24:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhm13/how_do_you_food_substitute_for_low_calorie/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Periods are crazy shit
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri May 26 08:54:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhfna/periods_are_crazy_shit/
---
Yesterday 9am: 179.8
Yesterday 11am: period starts
Yesterday 2pm: Ate about 1,000 calories and pooped
Yesterday 9pm: 184.4 and huge squishy lower belly
Last night: woke up 3 times to pee
This morning: 179.8 before pooping

Hahaha bloating is insane. There was so much water under my skin I literally felt like it might pop if I moved just right

Update: 178.4 which is a new adult LW 🎉🎉 and which means I literally lost 6 pounds overnight what the actual fuck.

---

[Help] Does anyone have experience managing hunger on Prozac or other antidepressants?
/u/IdidntChooseThis [5'11.5" | CW: 127.8 LW:116.4 GW: 109 UGW: dead | ~18 | 20F]
Created: Fri May 26 08:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh964/does_anyone_have_experience_managing_hunger_on/
---
Hi all! You are all kick ass and amazing and I love it here.

This story begins a few weeks ago, my therapist asked me to try an antidepressant to manage some intense suicidal ideation (horrifying visions of it happening then me snapping back to reality to find it didn't) and my same old depression that I've had for 6 years now. So I made an appointment with my usual doc and he gave me Prozac after referring to my diagnosis of restricting type anorexia, no binging or bulimia. So of course, I am prescribed the one that doesn't suppress your appetite like some of the others (the ones I wanted tbh) but can also increase it.

Antidepressants usually take 4 to 6 weeks to have a noticeable effect, but I am worried that either I am going to be dealing with intense, insatiable hunger since I already don't feed myself to my stomach's content, or even worse, my worrying is going to turn any "normal" excess hunger into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So yeah, is anyone else here on antidepressants and maintaining or restricting?

---

[Tip] To anyone disappointed at the scale in the morning after fasting/working out/anything
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | 123.0 | BMI 19.93 | GW: 115]
Created: Fri May 26 07:49:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh23w/to_anyone_disappointed_at_the_scale_in_the/
---
I wanted to share this tidbit because I've seen so many people complain about fasting and the scale not budging. Usually it makes people want to binge/quit/give up.

So two days ago, I busted my butt at the gym and ate at a crazy deficit. Yesterday I weighed myself and GAINED a pound. I was pretty bummed, but decided that I would just eat at a deficit again. (Ended up b/p-ing but that's another story.)

Anyways, I woke up today and I'm TWO pounds lighter :D So in total, I lost a pound. But my point is, you won't always see immediate results. If you fast one day and the scale doesn't move the next day, please please don't let it ruin that day! You'll probably see results the next day or the day after that.

Have a great long weekend y'all!

---

[Rant/Rave] recover to win bf back (VENT)
/u/LaughingBorderline
Created: Fri May 26 07:49:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh23v/recover_to_win_bf_back_vent/
---
Soooooo a couple of months ago i cheated on my bf a few times in some impulsive and alcohol spree and as some weird way to get revenge on him (I dunno i'm BPD so its hard to explain lol). he's still with me but he says hes not going to be fully ready or committed unless i seek help for my ED and BPD (i was doing some DBT but stopped going)

im not ready but he doesnt understand, and im really sorry i hurt him but i dont think i can recover, and i just feel i need to push him away like before because hes the only one that really knows the real me but i dont want him to know. but at the same time i love him and want to be better, but i dont think i can.... :(

sorry, just needed to vent and im a bit high

---

[Thinspo] 16 yr old Paris Hilton out in LA
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 113.9 | GW 💀]
Created: Fri May 26 07:48:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh1w1/16_yr_old_paris_hilton_out_in_la/
---
https://i.redd.it/bs7u6dy7nuzy.jpg

---

[Discussion] [discussion] Did anyone else notice a huge interest in nutrients when they first began restricting?
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 26 07:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgzn3/discussion_did_anyone_else_notice_a_huge_interest/
---
I've been 600/700 kcal a day for about a month and a half now, and I've been watching a stupid amount of Supersize vs. Superskinny episodes on YouTube.

I've always been obseeeessed with the show, but lately I've been paying more and more attention to the bits with the superskinny where the host lectures them on nutrient deficiency, and it gets me thinking: Isn't this the only unhealthy thing about restriction? Being low on key nutrients and developing issues later on as a result?

I used to never give a shit about iron intake or calcium (which is specifically something I need to work on), but now I'm obsessed. I was diagnosed with severe vitamin-D deficiency liiiike almost a year ago, and I've taken supplements for that since, but lately it's kind of ridiculous. I take multivitamin gummies, an iron supplement, and my hypothyroid medication religiously, and I track all my nutritional info on MyFitnessPal. I can't even eat at a restaurant unless I google the nutritional info and log every single aspect of it. I used to just for calories, but now it's EVERYTHING.

Weirdly enough, I don't give a shit about macros.

Anyway tl;dr does anyone else care way more about nutrients than they ever did pre-ED?

---

[Rant/Rave] I just need some support is all
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri May 26 07:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgyro/i_just_need_some_support_is_all/
---
I've been feeling super sensitive about everything. Maybe it's my period and hormones but I just need some positivity, just a simple hey I'm on your side kind of thing. I've been feeling really alone and isolated more than ever and I've come to trust you guys. I'm sorry for being so weak lol...

---

[Rant/Rave] Hit GW but still restricting?
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 97lbs | recovery, for now | ✨]
Created: Fri May 26 07:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgw27/hit_gw_but_still_restricting/
---
My longtime GW was 99lbs just to hit double digits and I reached that, but continued to restrict and am now at 95lbs. I don't really want to keep losing weight but I also don't want to stop restricting either. I knew even before I hit my GW that I wouldn't feel particularly different and nothing about my core self beliefs would change, but it did feel really validating. Now that I'm beyond it and don't have a new GW I don't really know what I'm aiming for.

I guess a lot of the reason I restrict is because if I'm hungry then I can't feel my real feelings and I don't want to give that up.

Edit: on mobile, will flair when at laptop

---

[Rant/Rave] I thought I could have planned binges. I can't.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 26 06:17:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgl2r/i_thought_i_could_have_planned_binges_i_cant/
---
[deleted]

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 26 06:13:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgkee/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_26/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for May 26, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 26 06:13:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgkdq/daily_food_diary_may_26_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] Damn u cookies
/u/jizzjazzspazz [5'5 | 138lbs | 23 bmi | -20lbs | 19F]
Created: Fri May 26 05:51:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dggrx/damn_u_cookies/
---
Chunky chocolate chip, 120kcal per serving, 14 servings. I tried to make you last. But I ate all of you in matter of two days. I thought my bf was helping. Nah, all me.

1,680kcal.

Almost 1/2 a lb.

Fuck this binge cycle. Also I haven't been able to poop in like three days so fuck that too.

Also I'm congested and my lungs hurt so working out makes me feel like I'm dying so I can't run as much as I'd like.

Just f.

EC stacking today and I feel my tummy grumbling due to the caffeine so I think I might poop. The cookies are gone so ig there is that.

Just whyyyy.

---

[Discussion] Is this normal?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 03:45:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dfyqv/is_this_normal/
---
I have been weighing in at 132 pounds for a few days. The most I had to eat is about 600 calories a day, so I know there's no way I have gained, right?

Wrong. I weighed in yesterday at 136, and today at 138. I have no idea how this has happened!!

Any idea on what could be causing this? I'm freaking out!

---

[Other] An update about the garbage that's been going on with my life
/u/chaosnanny [5'6 | way too much | -50lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 26 02:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dfov9/an_update_about_the_garbage_thats_been_going_on/
---
I posted a week or so back about having lost 25 pounds in a month due to a lot of stressful shit that had happened to me over that time, and a couple of people asked me how I was doing so I figured I'd do that.

I found a place! It's a small 2 bedroom in the town I wanted, we'll within my price range, and only a few blocks away from my best friend! It's perfect! I move in on the first.

That friend, who got into a pretty bad car accident a week and a half ago, is doing much better. Her back is still bothering her, but she's definitely better than she was.

I've been staying with a different friend in a nearby big city. Which sucks for multiple reasons, mainly that she's constantly bugging me to eat and that I hate big cities. But I am really enjoying spending time with her and it's awesome that I have friends that are willing to let me stay with them.

So yeah, that's what's going on with me. Off topic, I know, and if it's not allowed I'll take it down, but I figured since a couple people asked I'd put up an update. Thanks so much to everyone here, it's really awesome that this community exists.

---

[Other] Finished my first 36 hr fast, and gained almost 5lbs.
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F 🌼]
Created: Fri May 26 00:17:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6df8n2/finished_my_first_36_hr_fast_and_gained_almost/
---
Ahahaha

AHAHAHAHAHA

Please kill me.

---

[Discussion] All EDs occur in all weight ranges
/u/d0p3girl
Created: Thu May 25 23:28:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6df1kc/all_eds_occur_in_all_weight_ranges/
---
As someone who has been to ED residential places, probably 40% of people are normal weight, 40% overweight, 15% underweight, 5% obese.

Trust me here when i say that your weight does not play any part in your eating disorder. The only thing that it would matter in is the diagnosis for anorexia requires a certain BMI.

A little over half the people with "restricting" or "anorexia" only are overweight. It's one thing that is kind of surprising. You try not to judge, but there's a surprisingly high percentage of people diagnosed with anorexia in the past who physically recovered and are now overweight, but they never really recovered mentally. So their eating disorder is still very much active.

The 3 smallest persons here were all here for a combo of drugs and bulimia/EDNOS or just bulimia. The 3 heaviest were here for bulimia, and 2 for anorexia (remission).

Something else I've noticed in recovery is that people who purge tend to end on the lower side of normal than people who only restrict. I'm referring to people in later stages of recovery. I think it's because bulimics sort of find control in recovery. They adjust to following a meal plan, and everyone is too scared to veer off because of the fear that a single trigger food may collapse this recovery built on cards. I think with people who only restrict, recovery is more about facing trigger foods and the idea of intuitive eating. And because of that, it's easy to sort of surrender to any food urge/impulse you have and just eat because you're tired of hunger.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this for people who feel like they don't have an ED because they're not some weight. ED is in your head. Please remember that

---

[Help] I feel like I should go back to the restrict/binge cycle because at least I was losing then.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | I don't want to compete anymore | F]
Created: Thu May 25 22:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dew6v/i_feel_like_i_should_go_back_to_the_restrictbinge/
---
I have maintained my weight for the entirety of 2017 so far by attempting recovery. Honestly, I hate it. I want to lose weight again. Yes, the restrict/binge cycle was awful, but at least I lost weight. Idfk. Fuck. Wat do?

---

[Discussion] What's your occupation? [discussion]
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 150|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu May 25 22:41:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deuas/whats_your_occupation_discussion/
---
For those of us old folk who aren't in school anymore, what do you do for work? How does it affect your ED? I'm curious.

I work in a genetics research lab. I work long hours and I don't have a set lunch time (often I don't have any time) so it's easy to fly under the radar. The only trouble is that there are lots of journal clubs and seminars with free food!

---

[Other] How do you all cook tofu?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu May 25 22:31:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6desue/how_do_you_all_cook_tofu/
---
I'm trying to cut down on meat so what are some yummy ways to cook extra firm tofu? I've had it fried which was good but I don't want to super overload on the cals, and I hate it just plain and chopped in salads. Any suggestions? Seasoning ideas would be awesome too!!


(I know this isn't really ED related but I feel like I can't post in any regular food/diet subs without people going through my post history and chastising me. That's one of the biggest reasons why I appreciate y'all. Other subs like refuse to give advice if they know you have an ED it seems.)

---

[Rant/Rave] Want to binge because I'll never be conventionally beautiful.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 21:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deg9n/want_to_binge_because_ill_never_be_conventionally/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Had a binge tonight for dinner...fml
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134.4 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 20:42:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deapx/rant_had_a_binge_tonight_for_dinnerfml/
---
I'm goin' two for two on the rants since I signed up to post. Woo hoo. :p

So I fucked up. So hard. I was doing good until today. My days off work are so much more annoying to keep my calories under control.

I was under 700 cal Monday through Wednesday but tonight I really screwed the pooch. Two beers, bacon wrapped southwest eggroll, half a bacon wrapped tortilla philly cheese, half a massive block of Reese's fudge covered bacon brownie, almost a serving of cinnamon sugar sweet potato fries, and at LEAST two servings of caramel m&ms (they aren't even that good!) plus a 12oz glass of almond milk. :(

I just wanted to rant. I feel like every time I don't go to work I can't control my shit. I think having to pay a bill on an already almost-maxed credit card triggered it today. Ugh. I feel sick.

---

[Thinspo] Hey lovelies! I've gathered a bunch of stuff I think you might enjoy. From 100 things to do instead of eat to low calorie foods to thinspo, I have it all!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 20:40:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deabj/hey_lovelies_ive_gathered_a_bunch_of_stuff_i/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] [discussion] what are your favorite, easy ways to burn 100 cals?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 20:27:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6de82g/discussion_what_are_your_favorite_easy_ways_to/
---
I know for a lot of us, actually going to the gym and exercising can be hard, especially on heavy restriction/fast days. But short, 100-calorie burn exercises are much more doable and if you do a couple a day spaced out, you can burn as much as you might from running. So what are some of your favorite 100-cal burns? Mine is simple but walking to and from school every gets me an extra 100-150 without feeling like exercise at all.

---

[Help] Just started working at a subway, give me all your low cal choices please.
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | GW: 120 | -15 | F20]
Created: Thu May 25 19:48:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6de1bg/just_started_working_at_a_subway_give_me_all_your/
---
You get looked at funny if you turn down your free sub, so I've been trying to make it low cal and damn this is a little harder than I thought.. (Especially when it's all fucking laid out in front of me and it's all fucking free even double meat and cheese and fucking kill me) Help please?

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[Rant/Rave] Take a break from your values
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 114.4 | GW 💀]
Created: Thu May 25 18:34:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ddnu5/take_a_break_from_your_values/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] hello darkness, i'm fucking hungry
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'4" | CW: 137.9 | 24.1 | -60lbs | 22F 🌷]
Created: Thu May 25 17:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ddccw/hello_darkness_im_fucking_hungry/
---
I made dinner plans with my friend for tonight that were supposed to happen literally right now, and she texts me and says she can't make it. Like, this is annoying for normal people, but damn I fasted all damn day for this and I'm so so hungry. and this completely ruined my vibe, I was already bummed about my hair thinning so much this relapse and now this. :(

What's it like to not have your life revolve around food???

---

[Help] Will a psychiatrist in the UK prescribe me wellbutrin??
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 118 | 17.75 | 32lbs]
Created: Thu May 25 17:27:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ddb0y/will_a_psychiatrist_in_the_uk_prescribe_me/
---
I'm seeing a psych soon for the first time for my fun and extensive list of mental health issues. I'm not planning on mentioning anything to do with eating, perks of ednos is that i do not obviously have an eating disorder. in fact i am really hoping that i can get prescribed wellbutrin. i stupidly took myself off zoloft a few weeks ago and things are bad i cant stop binging and i desperately need antidepressants but i am trying to hold out until this appointment so i can start wellbutrin asap without needing to withdraw from zoloft again.

however i recently read that in the uk you can't get prescribed wellbutrin except for as zyban to stop smoking. does anyone from the uk get this on prescription, or off label for any reason???? i dont even just want it for ed reasons - my main reason is actually that i think it would work a lot better for my atypical depression symptoms (i think i am likely bipolar ii). is there any chance at all a psych will give me wellbutrin, or are there other antidepressants they might prescribe which will help me stop binging??

---

[Discussion] Fellow vegans of proED
/u/Airpopped6
Created: Thu May 25 16:51:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dd3y8/fellow_vegans_of_proed/
---
I've decided to go vegan for the animals after doing research and reading a couple books on factory farming. However, many vegans on the internet don't count calories and eat LOADS. Obviously I don't want to do that. Can you guy give me some of your tips/recipes?

I love you all <3

---

[Discussion] Does anybody else have a piece of clothing you're hoping to be able to wear one day?
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:50:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dd3rm/does_anybody_else_have_a_piece_of_clothing_youre/
---
So the cute dress I was waiting for just came in the mail. I ordered a size S, so that I can wear it once I reach my goal weight. It's so pretty and I just can't wait to see how it'll look on me! [Here it is](http://i.imgur.com/ew5wWX4.jpg) by the way. Excuse the black spots and shit, I broke my phone's camera.

So what about you guys? Do any of you have a piece of clothing like this? If yes, I would love to see it!

---

[Discussion] Anyone else worry about having kids?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:50:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dd3oj/anyone_else_worry_about_having_kids/
---
Is there evidence to suggest having an eating disorder can be genetic? It's one reason Im 90% sure I don't ever want to have kids. I wouldn't want to take a chance on making someone suffer the way I do. :(

---

[Thinspo] Is any one watching American Gods?
/u/heartemoji
Created: Thu May 25 16:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dcw9l/is_any_one_watching_american_gods/
---
Oh my god, Laura Moon is just goals!!

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/1a/d4/f4/1ad4f4fdaf55e4bafcb8d3b3acdcdd2e.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Evil Eye and The Mysteries of The World
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:11:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dcvo1/evil_eye_and_the_mysteries_of_the_world/
---
You guys know about evil eye right? Where your jealousy destroys the feature you're envious of?
Well, as a Muslim I very much believe in this and for the past five to six I've had a migraine. Being thick as heck, my first thought was brain tumour, but I was talking about it with my mum and she said that the only explanation for a migraine lasting this long is the 'evil eye'.
Of course my first thought was 'who the fuck would be jealous of me? What do I even have to be jealous of?'
What would people even like about me? I've been told I'm pretty, but what about me is pretty? My too big lips? My uneven eyes? My wonky hairline?
I've been told my hair is cool, I know the colour I dyed it isn't bad, but the cut is horrible, the length is too short and its dyed ends are bushy.
My body certainly can't be nice, with my lumpy thighs, my many chins and my chubby fingers and feet.
I know I have a skewed perception of myself, but I'm concerned for whoever is jealous of my body because I would legitimately rather be turned into a tomato than live the rest of my life trapped in this meatsuit I call home. What a funny place the world is isn't it, where the grass is greener on the other side.

---

[Help] Zoloft and Weight Gain/Loss
/u/queenbeyoncexo [5'4" | CW 148.2 lbs | -11.8 lbs | GW 120 lbs | 22F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:00:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dctbg/zoloft_and_weight_gainloss/
---
My doctor wants me to try Zoloft. Is anybody here on it, and if so has it caused weight gain or loss?

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[Rant/Rave] Bloated like whoa.
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Thu May 25 14:22:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc7wf/bloated_like_whoa/
---
Help me. Guzzling water with lemon and it's not helping and I swear to God if I have to look at this huge gut one more time I'll just spontaneously combust. What do you guys do??

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[Rant/Rave] this sub is a much more positive place than I expected it to be
/u/airbud1997 [5'8 / 126 lbs / GW 100 / BMI 19]
Created: Thu May 25 14:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc61a/this_sub_is_a_much_more_positive_place_than_i/
---
for some reason when I pictured pro ED, I thought it would be a bunch of people yelling at me and calling me a fat fuck for admitting when I binge

instead it's a lot of support from people going through the same shit and it makes me feel better just lurking here

yesterday when I had a "fuck it" moment and decided I wanted to go to the store and buy an entire bag of chips to eat by myself, all I could think about was this sub! instead I turned around and went home, made myself a healthy supper

idk, I'm glad to be here I guess.

---

[Help] [help] I feel like I'm going to die of self-loathing
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 14:00:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc2pe/help_i_feel_like_im_going_to_die_of_selfloathing/
---
I'm feeling so shitty and you guys are the only people I know who will get it. I've been feeling up and down for weeks, but recently my scale weighed me in at a much much higher number than it should have been and I've started to give up hope. Every time I see myself I just want to die because I look so fat and disproportionate and no matter what I tell myself I can't seem to make it better. And now I'm visiting my parents and there are mirrors everywhere, including all over my room, and so much food that I shouldn't eat, and I can feel myself gaining and gaining and I don't feel like I can do anything about it. Yesterday I ate over 2000 calories (!!!) and even with 700 calories of exercise it was still a gain day. There's a workout machine here but every time I get on it I feel like I can't breathe and I think at some point I injured my hips because they're killing me. And of course it had to be the hips which is my biggest point of dysmorphia. And I'm worried that if I exercise and I'm not eating at a deficit I'll just gain a ton of muscle mass and my scale number will go up and I'll get all bulky, so I'm scared of running but also scared of not running.
I feel like I'm watching all my progress get erased so quickly when it took me ages to get here and I feel powerless to do anything about it. And my dad is "dieting" but he's doing it all wrong which is super triggering to me, but nobody in my family knows I struggle with an ED so I'm trying not to do anything that would seem suspicious... and on top of that I have a family member with the exact body I want that I'm being made to spend time around and my family is very comparison and body focused and I'm so tired of feeling constantly on the brink of tears.
I don't know. I guess I just needed someone to listen and understand.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate being on the fence (rant)
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 13:54:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc1kt/i_hate_being_on_the_fence_rant/
---
My ED was utterly convinced that my weight loss wasn't real, that one day away from purging and a full (meal plan) sized dinner would shift my weight back up high enough from water retention that my dietician wouldn't be aware. I had the urge to double check that this morning but I didn't. I should have.

As soon as I stepped off the scale I got that "trying to hide concern" face and her chatter somewhat stalled. As soon as the usual off track small talk faded out, she dug in. She flat out said my weight was dropping, asked me if I was lying (which naturally I lied about), and we tried to figure out what it was from. I've been honest about some restriction (because saying I've been following my meal plan to a T is ridiculous and a red flag) and I played it off like I had some idea that my weight was dropping but thought it was my ED playing games with my head and I think I'm in the clear. She said we'll keep an eye on it but if I keep trending down she'll increase my meal plan.

I'm far from underweight so that pissed me off a bit. I know I won't binge while on vacation, but I will allow myself more "fear foods" because I can do it in moderation with others. The ED part of me is pumped about the concern, but the recovery side of me is pissed that I'm a lying sack of shit. I truly love my team, they go to bat for me all the time, so the fact that I'm back to being deceitful makes me feel like a huge piece of shit.

I just want to pick a side. Recovery or ED. The tug of war is exhausting.

---

[Discussion] [discussion] Post ur favorite safe/lowcal foods here and help add to my grocery list!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 13:47:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc02u/discussion_post_ur_favorite_safelowcal_foods_here/
---
Here's what I have already~~~

Low cal lemonade

sugar free jello

100 cal no sug. added fruit cups

50 cal Tuna cans

50 cal Fruit leather

Raw popcorn

Kiwis!!! 🥝

Smol "rockit" apples (http://rockitapple.com) ILY 💞 sm

Eggs

No sug. added applesauce

.

.

.

**Edit~ I went shopping and used some of your suggestions! Thanks guys! 💞**

---

[Discussion] [discussion] Cool ED band names or usernames?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 13:35:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbxbe/discussion_cool_ed_band_names_or_usernames/
---
Ever thought of an ED band name or cool username? I just did and although my account's already made I thought it would be cool to share:

bleach on cookies (bleach_on_cookies)

SoCal LoCal (SoCal_LoCal)

waterdye-it (get it "water" "diet"?)

mt.stomach (looks like mountain but also "EM-TEE")

or on the same thought: mt.plate

----------------------------------------------------------
Do you guys have any or am I crazy lol? Some of you already have creative usernames though 🐬

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[Rant/Rave] Positive comment on my body!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 12:50:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbn5p/positive_comment_on_my_body/
---
Today I was looking at something with a couple of guys that could be a safety hazard if you fell into it a little it (like caught in between, could break a leg or fall through or something, except falling through would be impossible for anyone but like an infant).

So we were discussing these things and I said something about falling in and breaking a leg and this cuuute (average size) guy showing it to me (there was another really big guy there too) said something like "well YOU might fall in", saying that I would but they wouldn't, because I'm so small (which I'm not).

It was such a confidence boost! But at the same time, I look down at my stomach and thighs and huge saggy boobs right now and I have blobby arms and all I see is a fat whale and I want to be able to actually fall through that thing. 😔

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm such a fucking pig and I hate myself sm
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 12:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbiio/rant_im_such_a_fucking_pig_and_i_hate_myself_sm/
---
Yesterday went so well I only ate 210 calories, and today started off well but I had to go out to eat.... and I binged on meat and cake.... and I ate so much I got comments like "oink oink" cause I ate so much. And then they started talking like "oh every time I come to [insert name of buffet restaurant] I always BINGE so much..." followed by stuff like "it's so unhealthy to eat like this if you did this every day..." I literally hate myself so much. I also hate it when people make me go out to eat with them UGH. I know they meant no harm but I don't think they realized how damaging those comments can be. People please just stop commenting on what I eat okay???? It's like "wow that's all" When I restrict and "wow you're going back for more?!" When I overeat and I hate it sm. I could literally feel my fat thighs expanded while I ate. It wasn't even good food either. It tasted like vomit and dish soap half the time (cheap restaurant). I hate myself ugh.

Rant over sorry guys. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Issues
/u/Arkhamgel
Created: Thu May 25 12:19:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbg0x/issues/
---
In primary and middle school, I used to get rejected a lot. I'd always be the spare friend you'd never want to be with unless you had nothing better to do. I've decided to make peace with that part if my life, you know, maybe I just experienced it ten times what it really was, maybe they actually liked me.
I have sent a friend request to ines, a chick I used to hang out with during middle school, she sent me a message saying hi but i am not ready yet to talk tl her.
I also reconnected with joanne, that girl I used to consider my best friend during primary school, maybe because she never really rejected me, she was more like, following what the others decided to do about me (yeah IK, pathetic). We made plans over a week ago, to have a drink tonight together. She sent me a text, at H-10 minutes, canceling.
Now I feel like I'm crumbling from the inside. It feels like I am still as pathetic as I used to be, I'm almost feeling torn inside, I have worked really hard on myself these last few years, to be likeable, and not a pain in the ass anymore. I made some real friends, people I love and who love me back, but now it feels like it was for nothing.

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[Help] Snack suggestions
/u/CatchTheWhale
Created: Thu May 25 11:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db9vf/snack_suggestions/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I love the way mmMMMmmmMmM EDNOS makes you feel invalidated
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 11:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db9mr/i_love_the_way_mmmmmmmmmmm_ednos_makes_you_feel/
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i've had a few days of high restriction (800-1000) including eating out and i'm like @myself: do i even have an eating disorder????? what if i'm just impatient and wanna be skinny now but like deep down i'm like cmon bih you know you've got trauma and restriction is how you feel in control of your life

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[Rant/Rave] The best part about a weekend-long music festival?
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | 123.0 | BMI 19.93 | GW: 115]
Created: Thu May 25 11:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db372/the_best_part_about_a_weekendlong_music_festival/
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No one can monitor what I'm eating and no one eats a lot anyway. AND I'll be walking around and dancing all weekend. I can't wait to do a before and after weigh-in!

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[Help] Kinda wanna check myself into a hospital, kinda wanna die, kinda wanna find a nice hole to crawl into.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Thu May 25 11:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db030/kinda_wanna_check_myself_into_a_hospital_kinda/
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So I've posted before but I have a plethora of mental health issues including ED, borderline personality, and bipolar. My depression and depersonalization at are an all time high (low?) and honestly I feel like I want to disappear. I've been hopsitalized before which kind of helped actually because it gave me like a mental break from everything + helped me get on meds that I needed but like, damn. I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even feel like a person and I don't feel like I belong on earth at all. //dramatic// Anyway I definitely will NOT tell them anything about my ED if I do go because god forbid they force me to eat. And honestly I'm scared to go because I won't know what the calorie counts are in the food they give me and I won't have my phone to be able to look it up. God I just need a break. I don't even know.

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[Rant/Rave] Not ED related victory that I want to share for the people here who know me!!!!
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu May 25 10:52:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6davj6/not_ed_related_victory_that_i_want_to_share_for/
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So my grades for the last semester just came out and I cried out of happiness. I got a 3.93 for what has been the hardest semester of my life.

I was taking the entry class for my major and genuinely thought I would get a B if I was lucky, and I got an A!!!

I have other people to to share this with, but there's nobody else I can rejoice in saying that my ED didn't fuck my life up. This was the hardest few months of my eating disorder in my life and I was afraid that it, along with other mental health issues, would really knock me off track and show on my transcript. I know you all understand how hard it is to study when you're literally starving and I just can't believe I did it. Holy shit I'm still just in disbelief. AHHHHHHHHH.

Thank you thank you everyone for the support, I honestly think you all got me through this semester alive.

---

[Rant/Rave] It's the little things [rave]
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 150|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu May 25 10:23:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6daoqm/its_the_little_things_rave/
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Bought a knee length skater skirt online about a month ago. When I tried it on, it zipped but was WAY too tight. This is rare for me since I have a fairly small waist and it's not really my problem area. Anyway, I'm comfortably wearing it today and everyone is telling me how nice I look. I'm starting to feel better!

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[Help] EC stack-- adjustment period?
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 09:42:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6daeve/ec_stack_adjustment_period/
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Hi all!


I just started trying EC stack (bonus of living on my own!), and was wondering about other peoples' experiences with side effects, especially at the beginning. Yesterday morning was my first time, and I felt like my heart was going to either explode or just vibrate right out of my chest for about an hour and a half. I certainly lost my appetite, but I also was unable to do pretty much anything for that whole time except sit shaking on the floor. After about 90 minutes my heart was still pounding and my hands were still trembling, but it was less extreme and I was able to get up and get some work done. I wasn't hungry ALL DAY which was awesome, but I did feel pretty wobbly still for a solid 3-4 hours which isn't ideal.



This morning I tried taking just the ephedrine first (I've had more experience with regular ol' caffeine jitters and they don't scare me). My heart is pounding again and my hands are shaking so much it's difficult to type. I also feel like my brain is fuzzy, like it's literally being vibrated around in my skull or something. BUT, I'm not hungry at all and I don't think I'll want to eat all day after this... so I'm kind of tempted to keep going (I don't like the fact that I'm losing multiple hours of productivity... and I know there are actual potential serious risks... but it also seems like it's WORKING which feels like a goddamn miracle...)



Did any of you experience extreme side effects from EC stack, and were you able to adjust to these side effects after a time? (and if so, how long did it take?) Thank you!!

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[Intro] Lurker coming out.
/u/BodilySolids
Created: Thu May 25 09:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6da5v1/lurker_coming_out/
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Hi everyone. I have been lurking here for a while and finally decided to "come out" of lurkdom. Posting from my alternate account on mobile, so forgive any formatting issues, please.

I am in my mid thirties and have had a bad relationship with food since around 16 years old. I fluctuate between 100lbs to 160lbs at 5"0' depending on whether I am depressed (binging) or coming out of depression and exerting meticulous control over what I allow myself to consume. I spent most of the last 3 years in a binge cycle and got to my HW of 160lbs during that time, and as my relationship deteriorated and my family (we have 4 kids, 3 of which are my bio kids) was plunged into chaos, I began restricting again roughly 3 weeks ago.

I hate that not eating makes me happier. I also hate wearing 60lbs extra of weight on my small frame. It's unfortunate that my SO and I are reconnecting physically and emotionally through my restricting personality after 3 years of turmoil and me throwing his ring back at him a few weeks ago because he cheated (emotional affair, but they met and kissed once), and I felt so DONE. We have been together for over 7 years, and we have a beautiful family, though. If me starving makes everyone happier, then that's what I will do.

At 35, restricting isn't dropping the lbs as quickly as it did in the past. 3 weeks in at 250-800 calories a day, and I've managed to budge the scale roughly 10lbs. It's disheartening, because the last time this happened (post childbirth after my two back to back pregnancies) I shed almost 20lbs in about 4 weeks eating the same way. I'm going to attribute some of that to breastfeeding and chasing a toddler while attached to an infant, and try to be easy on myself. My set point is 120lbs, and I can easily get there by eating better foods, but I prefer the way I look and the way clothes look on my body at 100lbs, so I will persevere. Progress is progress, right?

Anyways, there isn't much of a point to this post. Just me venting and introducing myself.

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[Help] Already freaking out ._.
/u/LittleSkittles [5'4" | 91.6 lbs | 15.72 | GW 70 lbs | 20F]
Created: Thu May 25 08:52:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6da3k3/already_freaking_out/
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Okay, so my boyfriend and I are going to this BBQ on Saturday, and I'm *so* close to shitting a brick in fear. My boyfriend knows all about my ED and the varied and sundry other things that make me insane, so it's not as daunting as it could be.

But this is one of the first things he's been invited to by the people at his new job, and I don't want to be awkward and mess this up for him. I haven't met anyone from his job yet. His work friends are apparently dying to meet me, which I know he said as reassurance that they'll like me, but my brain did the thing and now it feels like so much pressure to be perfect.

We're all stoners, so there'll be a lot of weed being smoked. I don't really get the munchies anymore, but I know it weakens my resolve a little bit. On the other hand, I definitely don't want to just not smoke any all day, because my anxiety will kill me if I'm stone-cold sober.

Also, we've got one hell of a heat wave in Ireland at the moment, so it's basically shorts and tank top weather if you want to avoid heatstroke.

So I don't know if I should go, if it's worse if I don't or if I do. If I do go, will it be more awkward if I don't eat, or eat something then possibly breakdown over it? If I do go, what the hell do I wear that will fit the occasion, and not make me want to run away and hide? If I do go, and I ruin everything, then what? And the two pettiest questions on my mind; what if no one likes me? what if they're all thinner than me? What the hell do I do then?

I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest.

I'm sorry for how all over the place this is, I guess I'm just hoping for some advice or some support or someone to tell me to stop being so crazy and stupid over this.

Guys, help, please ._.

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[Rant/Rave] I got the flu and lost 4 pounds.
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Thu May 25 08:43:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6da1gs/i_got_the_flu_and_lost_4_pounds/
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I haven't felt like eating much in the last few days just because I've been sick. I'm not even slightly hungry. I forced myself to eat maybe 500 calories a day. I'm super well hydrated from drinking insane amounts of tea, so I know it's not just water weight.

Other than having a stuffy nose and some crazy body aches, I feel like having the flu full time would be my ideal diet. I don't even think about food because I just don't want it. I'm not scared about overeating because I just struggled my way through a 100 calorie yogurt. There is no way I could binge and no way I could gain weight.

And the best part? No one judges you for what you eat when you're sick. All you're gonna have to eat is tea and apples and maybe some soup? Sounds like a good recovery diet.

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[Rant/Rave] *Lost* weight on my period :D
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Thu May 25 08:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9yw5/lost_weight_on_my_period_d/
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I tried to resist the urge to weigh myself this week as I'm on my period and know I always gain ~4 lbs around this time. I have a lot going on with dental school apps and some other things so I didn't want to distract myself with the stress of my weight. But of course, I couldn't hold out much longer and weighed myself this morning (it was even after eating 1/2 a banana and I haven't pooped yet either (sorry for tmi)) and I lost 3 lbs! Last time I weighed myself was the Tuesday the 16th (b/c I was out of town with no scale for a while then I got my period and didn't weight myself) so I might have actually lost that much or at the very least I lost 1.5 lbs which is still a win for me!!


I haven't even been counting this week, and have really just been focusing on getting enough protein. I think not obsessing over the numbers/food (and instead obsessing over everything else wrong with my life *nervous laugh*) I actually did myself a big favor!! I'm so happy.

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[Thinspo] Teri Hatcher
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Thu May 25 08:06:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9tdw/teri_hatcher/
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http://imgur.com/a/FX5hG

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[Intro] Well I guess I'm back
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: ??? | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 07:45:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9pcp/well_i_guess_im_back/
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I've been lurking for about a month now but I figured I'd just make a post. I sought therapy to try and recover back in January and confirmed that my ED is a symptom of mild depression and low self worth from being fired from my job in 2015. It's a long story but I was harassed by a coworker and told it was my fault by HR, then fired.

I got another job quickly but it was horrible and I stayed way too long because I couldn't handle job searching again. I'm starting a new job next week thankfully.

I did okay at maintaining until I started job searching about a month ago. I couldn't handle the stress of everything plus recovery, but restricting was BAD so I started binging. Then purging. Then binging with the intent to purge, which was a first. There was a week recently where I b/ped every day for 6 days. I feel like a fat failure so I'm restricting again.

The decision to come back to my old habits was such a relief, it was incredible. It sounds so fucked up but embracing my relapse has given me such a high for the past two weeks. Restricting makes me feel so fucking good it's like a drug. I don't know what I weigh because I can't ask my husband for the scale back without him knowing something is up, but I don't even care about the numbers anymore. I know this is wrong and I should start therapy again but it's so expensive and I don't really want help right now.

I mostly just needed to get this off my chest and this community is so supportive. This is the only place where I know I won't be judged for making shitty decisions about my mental health <3

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[Rant/Rave] My colleague commented on my Coke zero habit [Rant]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Thu May 25 07:39:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9o4q/my_colleague_commented_on_my_coke_zero_habit_rant/
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So my colleague and I were discussing if we were savoury or sweet people and I said "I'm definitely more savoury" thinking crisps, chips, pasta... Much more tempting than chocolate etc to me.

She says "oh I don't know, you DO drink a lot of fizzy".

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but this really rubbed me up the wrong way. Is she judging me? Probably. I fucking hate this job. If I didn't need the money I would quit tomorrow.

Also it's coke zero and it makes me feel like I'm actually eating something. Not full fat coke. That's a long way off my friend.

She's really thin and tall as well (like 5 ft 9 and a good 20lbs lighter than me) so that was another kick in the gut. Does she think I'm fat? Probably. Everyone probably does.

On the other hand, restricting is going well. Wrote a plan of what I'm going to buy when I reach every kg to my goal weight.

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[Discussion] DAE watch Tasty's Tiny Kitchen videos on FB and think, I could totally eat an entire cookie/donut/birthday cake (and not feel terrible afterwards) if it was that small...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 07:30:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9m7h/dae_watch_tastys_tiny_kitchen_videos_on_fb_and/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Even FB is checking up on me
/u/draupert [170cm | CW 57kg | BMI 19,7 | GW 45kg | F]
Created: Thu May 25 06:47:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9dwu/even_fb_is_checking_up_on_me/
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FB prompted me to update my profile today with [this](http://imgur.com/RoGh7s9), if only they knew lol. I'm just kidding, however I do hate when people ask me that question, I get nervous trying to make up a reply because saying "nothing because I'd like to disappear into nothingness" may give away what kind of a maniac I am hah.

I've been flirting/texting/meeting up with someone new over the last few weeks and he asks me food-related questions all the time, I wonder if he suspects. I think I was a bit too open at the start because ED-related dishonesty killed my last relationship and I wanted to prevent that. But now he keeps asking me if I've eaten.

Anyway that's all the ramble for today!

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[Help] I've been binging for a couple months straight and have suddenly dropped a kilogram.
/u/whatisthisshow2002 [5'2" |48kg|19| 6kg | F]
Created: Thu May 25 06:20:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9925/ive_been_binging_for_a_couple_months_straight_and/
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Help, I'm so sorry but I'm so confused. For the past couple months, I've been aiming for 1200 but have been binging and eating above my maintenance, 1400 calories. I've been sedentary and haven't done any exercise (injuries are fun). I'm averaging 1500-2000 wich is insane for my 5'2" frame. But I weighed myself today and in the past few days, I've lost one kilogram. Not sure how and it's freaking me out because this isn't supposed to be happening and it's out of my control which isn't the kind of weight loss I want.

I haven't been eating healthier and I haven't done anything to lose weight. Are my scales wrong? Should I be worried? What if I never lost any weight and my scales have just been failing me?
Oh my god this is out of my control and it's so scary and I'm sorry but I just binged again.

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 25 06:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d97g2/weekly_emotional_support_may_25_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 25 06:10:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d97dg/daily_food_diary_may_25_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else have a "fuck it" mentality?
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Thu May 25 05:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d94lk/does_anyone_else_have_a_fuck_it_mentality/
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I've noticed that the only days that I ever binge are when I make ONE mistake-it could just be a couple hundred calories more than planned- and I'm just like, fuck it, my day is already ruined so I might as well eat everything in sight.

Yesterday my parents brought home pizza for dinner and I was only planning on eating one slice to stay within my calorie goal but I accidentally ate a second and afterwards I was like "fuck it" and ate a crap ton of ice cream, chocolate, pie, and granola. I turned like 300 calories over my limit into like 3000-4000 calories over my limit 😭😭

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[Goal] A deficit is a deficit
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F 🌱]
Created: Thu May 25 05:06:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d8x8f/a_deficit_is_a_deficit/
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Maybe I wanted it to be a bigger deficit, maybe I ate 317 more calories than I planned, but I am still under my BMR and TDEE and that is a success and I do not need to feel stressed or beat myself up about it.

And neither do you.

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[Other] Just curious, what is everyone's sign?
/u/queenbeyoncexo [5'4" | CW 148.2 lbs | -11.8 lbs | GW 120 lbs | 22F]
Created: Thu May 25 04:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d8pju/just_curious_what_is_everyones_sign/
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What is your sun sign? And if you happen to know, what's your moon sign? I'm an Aries sun, Cancer moon.

😊 maybe there's a trend.

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[Other] It's 5 AM and I can't sleep. ew don't read this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 25 04:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d8p1i/its_5_am_and_i_cant_sleep_ew_dont_read_this/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does this happen to anyone else?
/u/Shelbolovesnate [5'2" | 96.6 | 18.30 | 38.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 01:55:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d88el/does_this_happen_to_anyone_else/
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Often times if I have a bad binge and unsuccessful purge, the skin on my calves/shins gets super tight and painful. I know I never drink enough water and my SO suggested it might be water retention, so I tried drinking a lot more the next time it happened and it made it sooo much worse. Depending on the severity of the binge it usually goes away in a day or two as long as I start losing weight again and stop binging, but the time I drank more water it lasted 3 or 4. (Maybe even more, can't quite remember.) Wondering if anyone else experiences this.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so sneaky :D
/u/satanAMA [5'9 | too much | BMI 22 | 50lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 25 01:55:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d88ct/i_feel_so_sneaky_d/
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I know, sorry for the two posts in one day buuuuut I'm so proud of myself for my sneaky bastard-ness.

Ate 1200 calories today in a single binge hour (I restricted to 600kcal yesterday, so that's a binge for me). Boyfriend chucked me two pieces of chocolate, and then another two. He's sweet but I internally panicked. I put them in my mouth because I am binge monster.. then "took my medication and brushed my teeth", spitting it out in the process. Even put toilet paper over it in the loo so no one would see! I felt like a genius. Then the other two I gave to my mum so bonus brownie points with her.

Def an ED Rave!

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Why does Fireball have to be so calorie dense????
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 25 00:59:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d81bx/rant_why_does_fireball_have_to_be_so_calorie_dense/
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And why do I always have to drunk eat?

God help me.

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[Other] About feeling liberated, planning my trip and fasting
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 00:32:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7xtm/about_feeling_liberated_planning_my_trip_and/
---
It's so weird. A couple of days ago was the first time I admitted having an ED in this forum (only) and to myself obviously. It helped enormously and felt liberating. I am letting myself live out a lot of things right now. Things that I tried to restrain myself from doing or that I kept doing secretly even though I know that nobody knows. nobody would even think that I had issues of this kind.
And at the moment I am alone in the middle of nowhere, so why would I care to hide things :)

So I for example accepted, that I might still want to be just a little thinner than I was before my last binge. You wouldn't believe that in 5days and after punishing myself by not getting rid of it, I probably had 4kg of food in me. I had a 3day food baby until yesterday until I made a SW-Flush, because of a huge bloating. It was very effective.

So in two weeks I will continue travelling and a lot of food awaits me.
I am a paper person. I love writing in general and I love doing it with paper and pen. I have a paper notebook, lots of loose papers as well and kind of a paper agenda that I organise myself... I think closest to it is bullet journaling. Just that my Agenda-Thingy has a totally different system and probably no one would understand shit, but it's the only system that works for me. Perfect for a ADHD person. (Lot's of things I then also back-up on my phone and some apps...just because it's how I need it to be...)
I make a lot of lists, notes, research, weird calculations, etc.
At the moment I am planning what foods I will have to try and the calories they have. I try to eat maintenance on my feeding days, so I calculate how big my total allowance is and how much energy the food will give me.
I am at the point now, that I am already combining them, making some kind of meal plans for a day. So I don't feel stuffed and overeat.

I started a prolonged water fast (it's my third) to detox from all the shit I stuffed myself with as this helps me a lot. I love the clarity, the focus, the energy during the fast. I love the break after as well. I usually break very slowly - another 3days of juice(something I would never drink normally-sweet beverages and juices in general) and 2days apples for example... then I start introducing other foods. Until now it also never messed up with my good eating habits.

The thing is, that I don't worry so much about having an ED as such, I just really want to keep myself from b/p.

Anyways, thanks for having me here. Being able to share is so freeing.

---

Spelling is strange
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 23:56:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7slw/spelling_is_strange/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] I have an entire collection on Instagram to look at when I'm tempted to eat. Anyone else do this?
/u/Summertanliness
Created: Wed May 24 22:43:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7hob/i_have_an_entire_collection_on_instagram_to_look/
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https://imgur.com/AonVOYO

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[Discussion] Overestimating portions?
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Wed May 24 22:28:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7faf/overestimating_portions/
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Anybody else start weighing food and find out they were way overestimating their number of calories eaten?

When I got my food scale back out recently (and replaced the battery), I found out that a lot of the foods I had been estimating by volume or just eyeballing were a significant percentage *smaller* than I thought! Like 20% on average! That includes fruit, nuts, popcorn, and dressings so far. I've been so paranoid about portion size for so long that I guess I inflated them in my head. Good news, I guess? Not that it makes up for all the binges.

On mobile, please flair as discussion.

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[Discussion] Long time lurker.. I'm curious, how old is everyone?
/u/Summertanliness
Created: Wed May 24 22:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7d02/long_time_lurker_im_curious_how_old_is_everyone/
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Hey guys. I'm super new but not new to lurking. Decided to make an account just so I can join in the conversations and what not.


I'm currently 21, but 22 in August. I don't see much about ages in here, but I wanna see if there's anyone my age, or if I'm gonna be the oldest.. Because..i would feel really awkward lol

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[Other] Feeling out of place leading to more ED thoughts
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 22:10:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7cb8/feeling_out_of_place_leading_to_more_ed_thoughts/
---
In my spare time I'm involved with theater and when I got asked to be a part of a show that was right up my alley as crew I signed on in a heartbeat. Artistically, I love it. It's a joy to see come to life. That being said, I feel completely disconnected at the same time. I feel like the outsider at every rehearsal. I have friends in the cast, but I still feel a degree of distance. I don't know if it's my own insecurity creating that distance or not.

With that running through my mind, I am HYPERFOCUSED on my appearance. The women in the cast are mostly tiny, only 2 are not "tiny" but still beautiful. I feel like I'm always going to be this ugly fat blob that's only meant for dark spaces and to not be seen. It sucks, and reminds me why I stepped away from theater to begin with.

I know I can't fix my lack of talent and connection with weight loss, but I can at least feel like I did something productive.

---

[Discussion] How do you
/u/hh_lb
Created: Wed May 24 21:41:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d77fi/how_do_you/
---
How do you guys make your rules visible to you and like stay reminded of them without the people in your life seeing them? Like I want to write on my bathroom mirror DO 50 SQUATS AND DON'T EAT UNTIL 3 PM.. but that might draw my bf's attention slightly.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm spending the weekend at my boyfriend's parents house...
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Wed May 24 21:40:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d779m/im_spending_the_weekend_at_my_boyfriends_parents/
---
...and I seriously considered bringing my scale before realizing that's what a crazy person would do.

Plus their floors wouldn't be the same as my floors and I wouldn't know if the reading would be accurate anyway and let's pretend like "sanity" is the reason I decided not to bring it.

---

[Intro] I'm baaaaaack
/u/hh_lb
Created: Wed May 24 21:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d770x/im_baaaaaack/
---
Guys and gals, hello. I used to post here semi frequently about 6 months ago when I found the sub. After a couple months I slipped into a binge cycle and I've gained 20 lbs and after a final binge, it made me feel so shitty I went into super discipline mode. I've started a new relationship and started my Master's program and a new job and I am feeling STRESSED the fuck out. I know it's not necessarily healthy to slip back into my ED habits, but it feels so good and comforting to post here again and just to feel the idea of regaining some control over my body.

---

[Intro] I'm back here again.
/u/satanAMA [5'9 | too much | BMI 22 | 50lbs | F]
Created: Wed May 24 21:00:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d70eq/im_back_here_again/
---
I'm a fat fuck again. I actually don't mind the way my body looks but the numbers on the scale are revolting. I can't eat because of it. I tried to cook something for myself today and cried at the concept. I ended up c/s two pieces of chocolate and eating a stale piece of bread and I hate myself for it.

But I've finally got some answers. Yes, I have problems with eating. I may have gained SIX MOTHERFUCKING KILOS (12LBS) but I've relapsed and I'm back here again. I figured out why I hate cooking, it's being around so much food.

I have a new boyfriend. Last night we said I love you. But he doesn't do emotions well .. he's a bit cold. I love him for it but it means he'll never understand the terror I face right now when I think about food. I'm scared. There's fear in my stomach and in my face and in my lungs right now. I wish I was skinny.

He wants to come over and make me jam sandwiches. I don't want to waste my calories.

---

[Discussion] Just curious: Why do ED people take so many photos? And post them for people to see??
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed May 24 19:00:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d6e7g/just_curious_why_do_ed_people_take_so_many_photos/
---
I'm not trying to be like WHY WHY WHY WHY or accusative, I'm really curious.
-I do this too but I'm wary of sharing my selfies because this is an anon account I want no one to link back to me
-I knew an EDisordered girl who called this "body-checking" and it sorta makes sense being put that way I guess.
-I just kind of figured people with eating disorders don't like putting their body out there for others to see? Am I off the mark? It's like, okay yes I'm glad I notice I'm getting thinner and yes in a self-satisfying and selfish way I'm glad people notice but...putting photos of yourself out there and seeing others, doesn't that kind of trigger a competitive side of you? Maybe I'm just not getting it. I don't do well in competition. I don't even calorie count I'm just wanting to get thinner and thinner. Not even measuring anymore.
-enlighten me, friends.

EDIT: I hope I don't come off rude whatsoever and I'm sorry if I am. I just want to hear your thoughts, and I appreciate every single one of you. This sub is so genuine and real and not fake or two faced. I admire that openness. I hope I'm not being too forward :T

---

[Other] 98 days
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Wed May 24 18:38:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d6a1h/98_days/
---
Hope these kinds of posts are okay.

Anyways, I have 98 days. In 98 days, I *will* be thin. I *will* reach my goal weight. I *will* be happy.

I know that losing weight won't make my insecurity go away. I know that, even after reaching my GW, I may probably still not be ready for recovery. I may still not have the courage to ask my crush out. My life won't magically become perfect in 98 days.

But what I know for sure, is that it'll be an important day. The day I've been thinking about everyday ever since I've been a little kid. I will finally, or hopefully, be slightly more comfortable in my skin.

But I know this is easier said than done. But I know I can do it. I am a strong person, and although my discipline is far from the best, I will have to do my best. I can't waste a single of the 98 days on bingeing. I *can* stop this toxic habit. The one that makes me scared of myself, that makes me lose control and hurts my stomach and my whole body, even though my brain tells me to keep eating.

This post is what will hold me accountable. I'll post an update in 98 days and, hopefully, it'll be good news.

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this, but I feel like I've tried everything. Maybe this is what will finally motivate me: the desire to give you guys good news for once.

Thanks :)

---

[Other] This poem is so spot-on...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 18:35:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d69f9/this_poem_is_so_spoton/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] panic? idk
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed May 24 18:31:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d68pd/panic_idk/
---
I almost didn't purge today but who am I kidding I'm kinda a failure. Also what does it mean when your chest hurts bilaterally? Its happened before but recently I find I get of a brain fog as well.

Is my body finally breaking down at 25....
Bulimia is maddening.

EDIT: I'm ok now but yeah those brain fogs aren't cool.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm just exhausted
/u/posyposer
Created: Wed May 24 18:18:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d662m/im_just_exhausted/
---
Last night I ate my favorite cheat snack because I had a negative pregnancy test (praise the lord) but it didn't satisfy me, only made me hate myself so I got like no sleep and woke up feeling so shitty. I restricted all day (I've had 200 cal) but now I'm just fucking exhausted and feeling worse than before. I'm seeing my ex tonight though so I need to stay awake and I want to look good... the last time we were together he asked if any of my clothes fit because I've lost thirteen lbs since we broke up and he said he was concerned... I hope he notices the 2 lbs I've lost since I last saw him tonight. It feels so good to just get this all off my chest!

---

[Rant/Rave] I have stress-purged for the past week and I'm exhausted.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 17:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5wdt/i_have_stresspurged_for_the_past_week_and_im/
---
I have a lot on my plate (ha) right now and it's all out of my control. I've done what I can and am just waiting on other people at this point. I've prodded them and I'm getting ignored for very important time-sensitive situations. So what do I do? Purge everything. Binge and purge, a few bites and purge, a meal and purge.

Everything hurts and I know it's not helping anything. I'm also going on a 3 day trip this weekend and I'm convincing myself not to eat the whole time. And I want to. But I also don't want to binge or overeat or feel full. And that's adding more stress.

I wish I could just turn on 'normal' mode for 3 days and enjoy myself. Even one luxe meal per day would be under TDEE especially since I'm walking all day.

Times like these I think about the people who think EDs are a lifestyle or only about being skinny. Nope, I'm purging a quesadilla because my boss hasn't written me back. I'm so tired of all this.

---

[Rant/Rave] Calling it recovery but it's only a binge cycle
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 17:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5wdl/calling_it_recovery_but_its_only_a_binge_cycle/
---
for some reason my brain is currently wired on a "fuck the system, i can eat whatever i want" mode. i've been really strict about 300-500 max calories a day and heavy exercise with few exceptions for a few months, but now its like 2500 every day. i just stuff my face because "i'm tired of caring about weight" and it's not even affecting me mentally. it's like when i used to make 1500 calorie snack plates "because i could." i don't know what to do, i wish i had a sense of moderation. why has my ed suddenly flipped sides of the spectrum? i keep logging everything calorie-wise and it's seriously freaking me out how much i'm eating )): why does this feel like some really shitty form of recovery?

---

[Help] Calorie Count Question
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 17:24:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5va0/calorie_count_question/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Grad dress rant.
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Wed May 24 17:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5szj/grad_dress_rant/
---
Warning for emo cringe~

Well of all the things that could have reopened the cesspool of self hatred...graduation had to be the one. I need a dress, I don't own any dresses, I'll need to buy one, etc.

Its the most ridiculous thing in the world, but I don't want to go because I feel stupid dressed up. I feel like I'm going to get called out, in a "why is the ugly fat girl wearing a nice dress" sort of way, though realistically I know no one is actually rude enough to say that to my face.

God, I just want to stay at home and not impose my gross self on the world. I've never been more motivated to restrict in my life.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I told my best friends about what's wrong
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Wed May 24 16:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5ony/rave_i_told_my_best_friends_about_whats_wrong/
---
I told them how shitty I've been feeling and how miserable I am. Then I texted my closest friend and told her about my ED. She hasn't replied but the love and support I got from everyone about my shitty life was so nice.
I did tell my closer of the four that I had no plans to get help or stop restricting because it was the only good thing in my life right now. I admitted I enjoy it and that it makes me feel strong. I know she's going to lecture me but I feel good about telling her. She can't really do anything to sabotage my progress bc she's an hour away so I'm okay telling her. She's like my sister so keeping my secret was weighing on me.
I just hope she doesn't tell my bf because he will truly throw a fit.

---

[Help] I just binged for the first time and I have no idea how many calories it was. Please help :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 15:44:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d59wt/i_just_binged_for_the_first_time_and_i_have_no/
---
[deleted]

---

[Tip] List of distractions for home & work
/u/blahgah1337
Created: Wed May 24 15:40:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d58xm/list_of_distractions_for_home_work/
---
Hi beauties! I have been compiling a list of things I can look to when I feel the urge to eat when not hungry. I'm bored at work and am in the mood for nothing on my list so id love if youd please share your ideas!

General things:
Exfoliating scrub
Wine in a cozy space
Bubble bath
Face mask
Hair mask
Facial peel
Nails pedi mani
Moisturize
Dry brushing
Pluck hairs
Whiten teeth
Sauna
Selfies
Clean Everything
Meditate
Stretch
Mini exercises
PC games
Daydream
Tea
Positive affirmations
Dreams journaling
Running outside
Reading
Audiobooks
Comedies
Movies
TV
Makeup
Hair
Get pretty for fun
Read quotes
Bookstore
Journaling
Fashion magazines
Coloring book
Foam roll/lacrosse ball
Foot massage
Dance
Play with dogs
Coffee shops
Board games
Lay on couch
Sit outside
Cards/solitaire
Puzzles
Neighborhood walk

Things at work:
Motivational stories
Read
Walk
Stairs
Sit in sun
Journal
Audiobook
Podcast
Organize desk
Brainstorm
Organize emails
Pinterest
Meditate
Coffee
Playlist
Daydream
Doodle
Plan fun things
Plan trips

---

[Discussion] New job where I can go the whole day without eating!
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 14:43:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4w0m/new_job_where_i_can_go_the_whole_day_without/
---
Haha... Definitely posting on this sub a bit too much... But yeah, as the title says, I just started a placement where I work 8-4 and it's so busy that I really don't have time for lunch and most of the people around me are too busy to have a bite themselves, much less ask if I've eaten.

It's really great for my restricting since I only eat from 4-7pm every night and I'm usually too tired to binge. I usually have a 500cal dinner, study, and then call it a night. Then rinse and repeat.

Will probably have to recuperate on the weekends, but I'm just so stoked for the opportunity to restrict like this! It's so "easy" in a way that it feels like cheating.

Has anyone had an experience like this? Is it sustainable? Anyone wanna share insight into making restricting "easier" that doesn't involve being worked like a dog?

---

[Rant/Rave] Binged on Wendy's food rant
/u/Airpopped6
Created: Wed May 24 14:36:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4ubu/binged_on_wendys_food_rant/
---
Had a stressful day worrying about some test results so of course on the way home my dad pulled into Wendy's.
I said fuck it and got a spicy chicken sandwich meal, but my dad had to take it back because it was burnt lmao. So instead he got me a baconator... Ate that and chocolate with peanut butter. Ugh.

Now I'm basking in my post baconator grease bloat lol. I feel like actual shit.
Tell me how your day is going!



No flair--on mobile

---

[Rant/Rave] I didn't binge!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 13:57:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4l33/i_didnt_binge/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] What do you consider a binge?
/u/Pizzaboxprincess
Created: Wed May 24 13:36:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4gdg/what_do_you_consider_a_binge/
---
Example of your food diary on a binge day? [DISCUSSION]

---

[Rant/Rave] Why is acting like a normie sooo hard!
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Wed May 24 13:25:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4dwt/why_is_acting_like_a_normie_sooo_hard/
---
Rant incoming!

Sent an in warranty laptop back to the makers for repair to be told they don't have the parts and can't repair, do I want the (still broken) laptop sent back?

Wtf, I am fuming. Had it 2 years and all my dissertation work is on there. Failing after that time is so not acceptable.

Spend the rest of the day obsessing about binging and purging, how I know it's wrong but I also know it's a shortcut to feeling better. Why do I have to feel this way?!

Spend ages in the supermarket debating about what you eat. Wanna be healthy and not binge. Don't know what constitutes healthy anymore. Am I deliberately looking for low calorie foods and restricting now??

Eventually leave with chicken and curried lentils. Know this is a good choice but so exhausted. Cry home because I'm a mess.

I ate and finally feel better but my god does it always have to be this long and drawn out? It's just a laptop. Is everything this hard all the time without your ED?

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Just binged after days of tight restriction.
/u/throwawayproed
Created: Wed May 24 13:17:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4c2v/rant_just_binged_after_days_of_tight_restriction/
---
Ugh so I'm hoping posting this will stop the binge. So far in the past two hours I have had:

30 rice crackers

2 babybel light swiss cheese wedges

2 instant mac n cheese cups

a handful of granola

a packet of honey almond butter

a mini milkyway

probably about 12 Figgin' Fruit (basically little cereal bar bites)

2 bottles of water

All told? About 1300 calories :(

I purged halfway through (which of course I swore to myself I would never do again just yesterday). Honestly I think that's genuinely what started me off. At that point I'd just had the milkyway and mac n cheese - not the WORST binge and I had genuinely been hungry. But after making myself throw up, I just thought "fuck it" and down the rabbit hole I went :(

I took a day off work today and that definitely doesn't help. It's super easy to avoid eating when I'm at work and I also usually have a ton of coffee and take a bronkaid (which I'm trying to wean down) and I didn't do that today. So basically the cards were stacked against me. I'm trying not to freak out and remind myself that I am not going to be fat forever just because I binged today. I purge more often than I binge and now that the binge is over, I'm having trouble bringing myself to do it again. I'd really prefer to stop purging but I also want to feel less guilty about the massive amounts of food I've eaten.

The worst part? I was at a new LW this morning. Ugh.

Thanks for listening :)

EDIT:

Also, my boyfriend is coming by in about two hours and I had been feeling so great about my new LW. I definitely don't want to feel crummy when he gets here and stress him out :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Been binging for like ten days- Somehow at my low weight this year?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Wed May 24 13:16:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d4bpm/been_binging_for_like_ten_days_somehow_at_my_low/
---
Fuck you body. Stop being nonsensical.

All I can think is that if I had stuck with my plan I'd be even skinnier than my low weight. I meerly tied....

This is literally a rant and a rave. Schrodingers Rant/Rave

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't know how to say this...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 12:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d44jr/i_dont_know_how_to_say_this/
---
...without sounding like an ass

i get really frustrated with the fact that every person i've seen in recovery is really thin. i never see people like myself recovering from an ed that are just average or overweight. sometimes when i see people in recovery eating the junky food i wish i could allow myself to eat i'm mentally like "oh well they can eat the junk food they've got room to gain and i don't" like going in recovery for me would probably still be dieting bc i am medically overweight. idk i know this thinking is fucked up and i don't want it to sound like i'm mad at these people. i wish everyone would recover...ANYWAYS.

---

[Tip] Tips for fixing constipation?
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Wed May 24 12:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d41ml/tips_for_fixing_constipation/
---
So this has probably already been posted, but does anyone have any tips or advice on how to deal with this constipation?

It's from too many binge days in a row, and I'm trying not to use laxatives bc I have messed up my gut with them in the past (it's not that I can't use them, it's more that I find it hard to STOP using them and then I get caught in that shit)

I'm so bloated it hurts :(

---

[Help] I need late night anti-binging tips
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | 123.0 | BMI 19.93 | GW: 115]
Created: Wed May 24 11:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d3n3w/i_need_late_night_antibinging_tips/
---
I can make it through a whole work day eating 500 calories and I always tell myself I'll only have dinner or a snack at night.

But then I get home and my mom has chips and all sorts of food that I just go to town on. It's seriously disgusting. I always end up purging it up even if I only have a small amount.

It's like the minute I'm alone, I get this URGE to binge and I need to stop. Does anyone have tricks they use to talk them out of it in the moment? I know this has been asked a million times, but sometimes it's like 10:00 pm and I can't just go for a walk or whatever when I get an urge.

Thanks babes <3 <3

---

[Rant/Rave] FML, all of it, binge time?
/u/RandomHumanite [5'1" | 26/ F(???) ]
Created: Wed May 24 11:13:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d3j6a/fml_all_of_it_binge_time/
---
I didn't realize how far I had ballooned until I tried on a few dresses for a reception that I had... this is stuff I considered clothes for my "heavier" weight last summer, but they were still really tight. Apparently, I ballooned even more (after losing a bunch in my last sobriety stint). Alcohol and then finally getting diagnosed with and starting medication for bipolar.

I'm just hoping I'm holding like 10 pounds of water weight considering all the sodium-containing diet drinks I've been guzzling.

And I really want instant gratification from being sober for a week. Like, LOOK AT ME, SHIT'S HARD, HALP.

I dont even want to go to the event at this point. Do I really want to mingle with experienced people in the profession I'm in school to study while looking this huge and gross? Do I now?

And the alcohol and drugs led to a *huge* career related setback: my grades in my grad program tanked, among other things (I'm still in the program and still doing decently well though).

And working food service, good god, besides being one of the few kids in my program who actually has to have a second job (woo being poor) and all the self-loathing that comes with that, I suck at not binging at shift meal. I shouldn't be worried about passing out on a shift anyway anyway; i'm a borderline obese mess.

Like, the ED is all I have left at this point and I suck at that too since i'm huge. I have nothing to say "I'm good at this" for.

I hit the gym this morning and did well on some lifts. I *should* be happy because my body did something, but noooo.

Half my brain is *screaming* to go to Waffle House and binge to my heart's content and then puke it all up. The other half is screaming to fast until I pass out. I'm hoping the fasting side wins. I'm craving everything right now and I'm in a messy emotional state.

And I know binging like the slob i am isn't going to help anything. But its the only comfort I have left. I don't have the comfort of a drink, I don't have the comfort of saying I'm smart; I don't have the comfort of being thin. Fuck.

Oh, and I'm getting roommates and moving out of my bachelorette pad in a week or so. This is a nightmare waiting to happen. It's a 1 bathroom house I think. I'm actual friends with my roommates. I'm so fucked with my purging.

edit: Fuck, had binge/purge session, FML. Inhaled about 1700-ish calories using what's on receipts + what was left foodwise after snapping out of it. Fuck.

---

[Rant/Rave] ONE time I don't check the nutritional info.
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |49 kg | 18,2 | 9 kg | F]
Created: Wed May 24 10:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d3fgh/one_time_i_dont_check_the_nutritional_info/
---
This one grocery chain here carries 6 different ciders in 0,5 cans, of the same brand, and very similar packages. Only thing that changes is one stripe of color, and of course the name of the product. 5 of these 6 are artificially sweetened, and about 30 cal/dl. Yesterday I grabbed a couple of one of them, drank them when I got home - and this morning realized they were sweetened with sugar. Just this one flavor. 62 cals per dl. I was almost writing an angry e-mail to the producer, but then realized it was my own mistake.

I'm so angry with myself. I haven't done these kind of mistakes in years, ffs.

---

[Tip] PSA: This is probably common knowledge, but replacing turbinado sugar with Splenda at Tropical Smoothie (or any other smoothie place) cuts the calories by nearly 75%!
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Wed May 24 10:56:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d3f6d/psa_this_is_probably_common_knowledge_but/
---
I'm currently having a Rockin' Raspberry smoothie w/Splenda, 125 cals. With turbinado sugar, it's around 400 cals! I love smoothies - super filling and feels "healthy"!

[Here's the menu, check for calorie counts w/Splenda vs sugar!]
(https://s3.amazonaws.com/tscws/downloads)/TSC_Nutrition_Guide.pdf

---

[Rant/Rave] Gots the vaper tongue, can't smoke the precious...
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134.4 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 10:29:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d38tr/gots_the_vaper_tongue_cant_smoke_the_precious/
---
Title went a bit gollum-y, but ranting because I apparently used it too often and got vaper's tongue, where I can't taste any of the flavors I use anymore. :c So I have to stop for now.

Flippin' delicious juice and it's stupid making me want to smoke it constantly... I guess I'll have to either get higher nicotine content or just go to cigs for a while.

Just ranting because I really love my sweet vape with some black coffee all day. >_<; I feel like this is going to throw off my hunger cues pretty bad...fingers crossed I can stick it out. x_x

*Edit Update: I chewed some gum and changed my flavor to Boston Creme Donut and it helped. I'm going to pick up some new stuff tomorrow with some extra tanks to keep the vape tongue away. Thank you for your responses! :D

---

[Rant/Rave] Didn't hit my GW by my wedding day, and I lived
/u/Shelbolovesnate [5'2" | 96.6 | 18.30 | 38.4 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 10:27:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d38c2/didnt_hit_my_gw_by_my_wedding_day_and_i_lived/
---
I wanted to reach 94 or 95 by my wedding day and I didn't, but it actually turned out alright! It's not what mattered most and I can worry about my weight another day. In the meantime, my friend posted teaser pics and I'm so happy!!!

http://imgur.com/a/xnmZU

Edit: best part; we took a group photo and someone groped my butt and I turned to Nathan with clenched teeth and whispered "did you just grab my butt??" My dad was behind me and my mom was next to me and she's like "That was your dad. Just kidding, it was me!" Hahaha!

---

[Discussion] Has anyone tried weight lifting?
/u/123Purrr [5'8" | 123 | 18.5 | F/24]
Created: Wed May 24 10:16:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d35pu/has_anyone_tried_weight_lifting/
---
It sounds really awesome for posture, toning/slimming, and blood pressure. Just I'm sorta worried about the *"additional calorie requirements"* my SO is talking about like it's life or death. I'd love to hear about all of your thoughts opinions and experiences ✌.

---

[Rant/Rave] Lecture from the Dentist
/u/Askitell
Created: Wed May 24 10:04:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d32mg/lecture_from_the_dentist/
---
I was at the dentist yesterday to have a filling done and I had a completely new experience...

I was lectured about sugar for more than half of the time the dentist was in my mouth fixing the cavity.

It was infuriating.

He was telling me shit about sugary drinks, too much coffee, energy drink culprits - also that since I work at a bar that there are lots of temptations around etc. etc. and the whole time I couldn't speak because there were hands in my mouth.

I have a lot of fillings and my teeth are decaying at a faster than preferred rate because I have been bulimic for more than half of my life. 14-30 years of age, purging regularly.

I wanted to say that to him so he would stop the unsolicited lecture, but I couldn't. When we were done he asked me if I had thought of what bad habit was causing my tooth problems - I lost my spine and all I could say is, "Yup. I know what casuses it."

Anyways, I really just had to vent that, because who else is going to understand/sympathize.

---

[Rant/Rave] I bought 2 bikinis
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 10:01:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d31zl/i_bought_2_bikinis/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Im trying to get myself prescribed ADHD meds
/u/diasword6
Created: Wed May 24 09:50:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d2zid/im_trying_to_get_myself_prescribed_adhd_meds/
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The title says it all. I'm so fucked up. I want them because I know they'll decrease my appetite and I'll lose without even trying. Does anyone else do/think crazy things like this?

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[Other] My mom hasn't seen me in 2 months and said I look really good
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Wed May 24 09:10:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d2qai/my_mom_hasnt_seen_me_in_2_months_and_said_i_look/
---
And really happy.

Lol.

---

[Discussion] Server at a restaurant= ED hell
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 24 08:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d2gyv/server_at_a_restaurant_ed_hell/
---
I recently started working at one of those little family owned yet fancy Italian restaurants and since I'm a server, the owners and my coworkers keep bringing me samples/suggesting I order a free after shift meal so I can know what I'm selling. "Here's a slice of our tiramisu cheesecake." "Here's our amaretto chicken and a side of our fresh baked tomato basil bread." "Hey come have some of the cinnamon roll bread pudding! It has toasted pecans and cinnamon cream cheese icing on top!"

Everything is super fresh and made in our restaurant. Nothing is premade or prepackaged. We have a baker for the bread and desserts every afternoon before we open at 4, and the desserts are only saved for a day if left over. Never longer.

Absolutely everything so far is incredible.

I've been there a week and every night has been like that. I'm so fucked. I don't know how to get out of this. I'm thinking I need to suck it up for another week or so, try to eat a few more things on the menu, and then maybe once I know firsthand about most of the stuff I can just stick to only one bite of our temporary samples? (We have a lot of specials that are only there for a day-a week.)

I forgot what a struggle working with food is. Anybody have any ideas? Suggestions? Personal experience or anecdotes from when you were in the same boat/if you still are?

*PS (Also, I ate twice my allotted calories yesterday at work. If I fast today, does that balance it out?)*

---

[Discussion] what's your chipotle go to???? help
/u/lemon_sox [5'5" | 143.2 lbs | BMI 25.05 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 08:22:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d2fja/whats_your_chipotle_go_to_help/
---
((wasn't sure whether to flair as discussion or help, either way here))

i only went to chipotle in between my ED flare ups and i would get like a massively topped sofritas bowl 😭it makes me sick to think about now

one of my friends has a coupon and since i just moved home they're really pumped to take me there and i used to really like it as a special treat (bc it's like a half hour out from my town)

pls help me get something that won't be awful and will be packed w veggies so it seems like i'm having more

lmao i'm so unhealthy

---

[Rant/Rave] My ED produces a better version of me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 08:20:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d2fap/my_ed_produces_a_better_version_of_me/
---
[removed]

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[Help] [Help] Is it possible to get some sort of ED-related treatment/therapy/"recovery" WITHOUT gaining?
/u/carrots-carrots [5'6" | 112 lb | BMI 18.2 | FtM]
Created: Wed May 24 07:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d24ru/help_is_it_possible_to_get_some_sort_of_edrelated/
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I want to explore my feelings and maybe turn my thoughts toward healthier processes, but I really really don't want to gain or be constantly pressured to gain. Is this even possible? Has anyone been in a therapy situation like that?

(I'm not super underweight, but the way it's distributed on me is enough that people make comments sometimes)

---

[Other] Go to Starbucks Drink?
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Wed May 24 07:21:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d2330/go_to_starbucks_drink/
---
Mine are: herbal teas or skinny cinammon dolce latte with soy milk/double capp with soy, if I'm having them for a meal.

What about you guys?

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 24 06:11:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d1q6w/daily_food_diary_may_24_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 24 06:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d1q2o/way_to_go_wednesday_may_24_2017/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 24, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Other] The joys of ED
/u/Aeon_Mortuum [(169cm | 20M)]
Created: Wed May 24 05:40:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d1l4y/the_joys_of_ed/
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Some of the things ED has made me do that I can think of off the top of my head right now:

* Walking in the grocery store for an hour, looking at calorie counts for food, putting it back and then ending up with like 2 items by the checkout line after that entire hour.

* Binging like a pig.

* Getting up in the morning, putting a random dish in the sink and throwing crumbs or whatever and water at it, so that it looks like I ate.

* Not eating around others, and...

* ...*eating* around others, to show them that I do eat and they should stop telling me to eat.

* Binging like a pig.

* Talking about food, ALL THE TIME.

* Eating food that I don't even like, just to get rid of it so that it doesn't tempt me the next day. Don't worry though, something unplanned always inadvertently comes up on that next day that results me in eating on that day too! Who only overeats for one day anyway, right?

* Binging like a pig.

* Going BALLISTIC when somebody "surprises" me with food, especially with food that I would "normally like", but I just want to fall through the floor because it interferes with my meal plans and will now tempt me.

* Not eating on my birthday, then feel sad about it because I feel like I'm letting my head "win" even on a day when I should be able to loosen up with food, which leads me to...

* Binging like a pig.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else here work in the food industry or even work as a cook, baker, farmer, selling own vegetables, restaurant owner etc? If yes, how do you manage?
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 05:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d1gkq/does_anyone_else_here_work_in_the_food_industry/
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Do you love your job?
If you are your own boss, how do you continue keeping the motivation up?

------

Edit:
I myself am professional cook, environmental "activist", one of the faces of a movement around food and eating, founder of an own organisation...

It sometimes feels ironic That's why I was wondering how others manage in similar situations.

---

[Rant/Rave] When your significant other says you have a big and jiggly ass...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 04:58:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d1eie/when_your_significant_other_says_you_have_a_big/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 04:43:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d1cf2/does_anyone_else_have_this/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I tried to binge and failed
/u/douchebaguette- [get me out of here]
Created: Wed May 24 03:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d11gf/i_tried_to_binge_and_failed/
---
Warning this is a long rambly post with no real point.

So I'm a non-purging bulimic, meaning I usually binge then restrict and exercise like crazy to "purge" the calories. I've been restricting for the last few weeks with a couple days at maintenance but no real binges.

I woke up today and immediately wanted to binge. Went off to the shop as I don't really keep food in the house. Filled my basket with my favourite binge foods, then put them all back. Filled it up again and put it all back. Spent like twenty minutes picking up a pack of cookies (211 kcal per cookie, 844 for the entire pack). And repeat.

I ended up with some light Greek yogurt (300 kcal for the entire pot), some deli meat (248 kcal for the entire pack), and six packets of these weird vegetable crisp things (91 per packet but i doubt I'll eat them all because they're kinda gross).

My binges used to be 3-5000 kcal easily. Donuts, pizzas, ice cream, usually at least £15 worth of junk. I feel very conflicted about this. On one hand, yay, no more insane binges! I still have 5kg to lose before I'm underweight and 7kg until my goal weight.

But also, I literally got scared when I saw the calories in those cookies. I don't think I can fool myself into thinking this is a mild relapse anymore (just a bit disordered, everyone does it, I'll stop after 5kg etc). 😣and I don't want to be scared of food.

I don't really have a point, just wanted to share this with people who would get it. Hugs, guys.

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[Help] Finally getting professional help. Experiences?
/u/dungeonmasterbater
Created: Wed May 24 02:22:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d0ubk/finally_getting_professional_help_experiences/
---
I called in for my binge, purge, and restriction cycle.
I'm going to see a doctor. I've never gone to a psychiatric evaluation specifically for an eating disorder. Is it just like therapy (childhood memories, current stressors, and suggestions for moving forward) or is it completely different?

I am still overweight and do need to lose at least 10 lbs. Is this going to be allowed during recovery? Or does it depend?

I am nervous. I want to cancel the appointment.

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] I'm sorry, just want to get that out of the way.
/u/EatMyInsides
Created: Wed May 24 02:01:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d0rpu/rant_im_sorry_just_want_to_get_that_out_of_the_way/
---
I don't know what to do anymore.

I just had a meeting with a new doctor (not related to my eating disorder) to get some papers I need for unrelated things. He had to read my journal with everything I've talked about with others (depressions, self-harm and some other things.) and of course he mentioned what happened between me and one of my ex boyfriends, he raped me. I haven't really talked about it with anyone, I've just mentioned it and that's it. He diagnosed me with PTSD.

I'm getting treatment for my eating disorder and I'm stuck between wanting it and not. I want to get better for my mother, but I'm at a wery low point in my life right now and don't see the point in getting better or anything else in that mtter.

My stomach is making the sounds of a thousand thunderstorms, screaming at me to "just eat something" but my mind is yelling "NO" back to it. I'm telling myself that I'll never be enough if I keep doing this. I tell people that I want the help and I want to get better, because that's what you're supposed to do, right? And it's not only my physical appearance, it's everything. I tell myself that if I keep fighting it and try to get better, I'll never be enough for anyone or at anything.

On top of everything, I have autism and got my diagnosis in December 2016 at the age of 20.

I just feel like giving up. I don't see the point in doing anything since I'll never be enough for the person I love and want to be with.

Again, I'm sorry.

---

[Rant/Rave] My dad called himself fat, I said me too, and he said nothing.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 24 00:53:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d0ixd/my_dad_called_himself_fat_i_said_me_too_and_he/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I just binged, but it's okay
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Tue May 23 22:12:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czvhs/i_just_binged_but_its_okay/
---
Well, actually, no, it's not okay. I'm just trying to make myself believe that it is because I don't want my brothers to hear me crying from the other room.

I went 8 days straight without even thinking about bingeing. I've never gone more than 3 days without stuffing my face like a pig, so that's something! Besides, my period just started and that may be why I've been having so many cravings today, so I'm not actually a failure, right?

Anyways, next time, I'll try to go at least 9 days without bingeing. At least now I have an actual short-term goal that can motivate me, so maybe it's not that bad after all :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Therapist threatened hospitalization
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 | 21.68 | CW: 105.4]
Created: Tue May 23 21:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czt5p/therapist_threatened_hospitalization/
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Ill flair this as soon as I get on my laptop. Went to see my therapist today. She threatened to hospitalize me if I dropped to being underweight, which is six pounds away. I was hospitalized before following a suicide attempt, which was hell enough without them force feeding me. I'm pissed because I feel so betrayed. I know she's trying to help but she is ripping the little control I have right from me.
So here I am torn between the voice pushing me and pushing me to loose weight and the threat of hospitalization. My therapist wants me to maintain my weight, but all I want is to not end up in hospital, which means I need to keep my weight above 100 lbs. I feel like I've lost nothing. So here I am struggling to keep an ensure (meal replacement drink) down, curled up on the floor of the bathroom.

---

[Thinspo] Holy... fucking... shit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 21:18:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czmds/holy_fucking_shit/
---
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7WucZ9tEvnw

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[Rant/Rave] happy birthday for me...
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Tue May 23 21:07:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czkj2/happy_birthday_for_me/
---
It's 5 AM and I've already binged once.

Today will surely be wonderful lol

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally a day without purging (Rave/ babbling :P)
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 20:37:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czewl/finally_a_day_without_purging_rave_babbling_p/
---
I really slid... I was doing so well just restricting, and one broken refrigerator, minimal safe foods, and automatic unplanned fasting later, I wound up having some small (for me) binges and purges non stop for 4 days. Finally got the fuck off that train today. Only had 680 calories in total today, better than what I normally do. Also got a run in, despite nearly getting sick after because of allergies and reflux. Ugh, the absolute worst.

It might be helpful because I know my weight will go up (water retention after stopping purging... always happens), so when my dietician weighs me on Thursday it will look fine and she won't get on my case. My treatment team can't (and I know they won't) send me anywhere, but the part of me that wants recovery doesn't want my team to fire me (which they can do). Ugh. The complete 50/50 on this is rough. I don't want the last 6 months of my life in treatment to be a waste, but I also don't want to be fat. My BMI is now hovering around 20.5, which is better than it has been, but I know I will feel better once I'm back closer to 19. Ultimately, I want to be back in the underweight category, something I haven't been in 5 years, but if I can hang at 19 for a minute I can at least be able to not hate the shit out of myself all the time. I'm also turning 30 in a few months and despite a fair amount of debt telling me otherwise (student loans), I'm petrified I'm going to wake up like a beached whale on my birthday and just keep getting fatter. So it feels like it's now or never.

I'm not weighing myself until Tuesday morning, because I'll be away until then. Hopefully the water shift will have resolved by then and I can keep going. Being out of treatment and around my friends makes restriction easier. I'm in a creative community, so our time together is spent creating, not socializing around food. It's perfect. The odd thing is I have a couple friends who know (I disappeared off the face of the earth for a minute... so I let a few close people know I wasn't dead :P) but don't address it. I think because my official diagnosis is "bulimia" and everyone has their own ideas about EDs they assume I don't have a problem with restricting. Nope. That's where all this shit started, so I guess I have the ability to just do what I want for a while.

The other pretty decent thing that's happening is I'm traveling this weekend with an acquaintance I have had only one meal with and she triggered the fuck out of me. When we went out to eat, I got something I wanted and she got a salad (all veggies) with dressing on the side. I barely touched my damn plate and hated myself for even thinking getting something I wanted was a good idea. I can still pass without suspicion so I have a feeling the competitive ED side of me is going to win out this weekend. Not proud of that at all, but if I can drop a little weight there's some bright side to that.

Blergh. That's all the things. Hopefully I can get some sleep. Thanks for being wonderful, I'm so happy to have found such a lovely and supportive community <3

---

[Discussion] Do you feel more motivated to restrict when you're feeling fat or when you're feeling skinny?
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:122 | 18.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 20:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czeg1/do_you_feel_more_motivated_to_restrict_when_youre/
---
I personally feel more motivated when i'm already feeling skinny, like it creates this drive not to mess it up. The feeling of being closer makes me want to push harder than the feeling of being super far away.

But based on what I've read it seems like most people are the opposite, driven more when they feel repulsed by themselves then when they feel accomplished.

So curious to hear which side is more common.

---

[Discussion] Eating (or not) at work is so stressful
/u/lostinagrocerystore [5'2" | 107 | 20.8 | -48 | GW: 95]
Created: Tue May 23 20:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czcm6/eating_or_not_at_work_is_so_stressful/
---
I work 9-5 as an intern at a job where people are pretty health conscious, or at least slim. My fellow intern is very skinny as well, which makes me even more self conscious than I already am of what I eat and when I eat it and how much.

The thing that stresses me out the most is when my stomach audibly growls, which feels like an announcement to the world that I'm hungry and need food and therefore am a fat pig who constantly needs to eat. (I know this isn't true, but still.)

My issue is that I can never seem to eat enough in the morning to fill me up until lunch. (I have no issues from lunch onwards.) My entire day is planned around preventing my stomach from growling, and I'm even sacrificing some of my restricting to save myself from the anxiety and embarrassment.

What foods/drinks/other things are super filling and stop your stomach from making noise? I'm already eating a big bowl of cereal and bringing a protein shake to work to stave it off, but it's not working and I'm stressing over my calorie count. (I tried bringing coffee to work today, and it helped a little bit but not by much.)

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[Rant/Rave] Kinda proud, kinda disappointed, kinda wanna binge like crazy
/u/yaboyspissed
Created: Tue May 23 20:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czb35/kinda_proud_kinda_disappointed_kinda_wanna_binge/
---
Been having binge urges a lot tonight, so I gave in and ate what I wanted. My day ends up being at 1,049 if I don't have anything else tonight. So I'm really really fucking proud I didn't blow shit out of the water and just eat fucking everything in sight... been roughing it out for the last few hours but holy fucking shit I'm feeling so guilty for going over my plan and 1,000 and ughhhh I just want to buy a whole cake or a box of cookies or eat like a tub of ice cream and vomit it all... ahfkskauwosphewiksksjdjdjdjsjsjsjsjsjjsjsjsjsjagqgqgauwuqhshdeh ya know? Pls proED help me

---

Kinda proud, kinda disappointed, kinda wanna binge my head off
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 20:15:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6czau3/kinda_proud_kinda_disappointed_kinda_wanna_binge/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Nothing angers me more than when the food I order is wrong
/u/ohwhoaa [5'11"| CW 119.6lbs | GW 115lbs | BMI16.90 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 20:09:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cz9ol/nothing_angers_me_more_than_when_the_food_i_order/
---
I didn't eat all day so I could eat Panera tonight. I got a You-Pick-Two with a grilled chicken salad and an order of mac and cheese. Their mac and cheese is a beacon of hope in my dull life lol. I get home and they forgot my mac and cheese!!! I saved my calories for that!!! I thought about it all day!!! They close at 10 and I got home with my take out order at 950. I don't want to sound like someone who gets upset over not having food so I don't want to call.

Ugh, I didn't need the cals anyways

---

[Meme/Humor] In case you were wondering what drugs look like.
/u/cramthatgram [6'1 | 150 | 18.9]
Created: Tue May 23 19:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cz0mw/in_case_you_were_wondering_what_drugs_look_like/
---
http://i.imgur.com/yZGMyR3.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I'm a worthless piece of shit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 19:19:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cyzt8/im_a_worthless_piece_of_shit/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Anyone have tips for dealing with low blood pressure?
/u/questions_anonymous [5'6.5" | 115 | 18.3 | -50 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 19:05:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cyx45/anyone_have_tips_for_dealing_with_low_blood/
---
[removed]

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[Other] So I exercised a lot today and decided to cook hamburger...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 18:28:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cypzb/so_i_exercised_a_lot_today_and_decided_to_cook/
---
[deleted]

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I just binged on gum
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 18:20:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cyocw/i_just_binged_on_gum/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] self care is food but food feels like self harm
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Tue May 23 17:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cybo2/rant_self_care_is_food_but_food_feels_like_self/
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i want to not eat. i want to starve and take caffeine pills and shiver and be in a fog for days dreamily walking along. BUT. My brain needs to work. i have exams and i need to eat. but eating feels like hurting myself!!! wtf!!! everytime i eat i just end up bingeing because i'm crzy and just ughhhhhh

edit: this is sort of really but i also just purged for the first time in like 3 months 🙃 i stopped before i got what i what really trying to get up up too so that's gucci, i totally forgot how much soda i used to drink

---

[Discussion] Do you guys have code words or something for IRL interactions?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 16:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cy4uy/do_you_guys_have_code_words_or_something_for_irl/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Am I a bad person for thinking this?
/u/englace [172cm | 123lbs | Recovering | Female]
Created: Tue May 23 16:29:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cy26w/am_i_a_bad_person_for_thinking_this/
---
It's not about me, but I have a friend. He...has exaggerated his mental illnesses for attention in the past (changing stories, diagnoses, faking things badly), and recently he's been talking about how he has an eating disorder. Apart from knowing his eating habits, and how he just doesn't seem like it (you know how you can tell), the last time I was with him he kept talking about how much water he was drinking and stuff. And then later, when I was there with my girlfriend (we're both recovering, her from bulimia, me from anorexia), he was talking about how his calorie limit for the day was 300, and how he'd already lost *so* much weight. But...he was drinking a full calorie energy drink, and when I pointed out that the drink he had had 240 calories while the sugar free option had 10 -- I kind of have a good memory for calorie stuff -- he just said 'eh, i like this flavour better though'. And when I asked him to stop talking about eating stuff around us, he just said 'oh i have an eating disorder so it's okay'. Like, dude, we're recovering. We both almost died, c'mon.

Also, he posted on his blog about how he hadn't eaten for two days, and how lightheaded he felt and how *good* he was at this and it just.... He could actually be eating disordered, and I'd feel awful doubting him if he was, but after both of us going through so much and having so much of our lives ruined by eating disorders, the feeling that he's doing it for attention just feels incredibly hurtful.

The worst thing is, he clearly doesn't understand how bad eating disorders are, and if he actually maintains these habits and keeps saying these things, there's a good chance he could actually develop one. I'm annoyed at him, but...I wouldn't wish this on him. Fuck, man, am I a bad person for thinking he's being inconsiderate? Is there anything I can do? I just wanna get him out of this honestly, but I know if I express my doubt to him he'll only dig himself in deeper.

---

[Help] Just got prescribed xanax and Wellbutrin
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Tue May 23 16:27:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cy1tj/just_got_prescribed_xanax_and_wellbutrin/
---
Anyone have any experience with these and appetite increase or decrease? I'm on birth control and that's already made me want to eat everything. I can't gain back the weight I lost. I can't.

---

[Tip] God bless the ProED all nighter gods
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 16:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cy16c/god_bless_the_proed_all_nighter_gods/
---
Motherfucking protein bars WITH CAFFEINE!! 85 mg per bar and only 206 kcal. BLESS UP!

Also, of the monster zeros, I find ultra pairs the best with cigarettes. #themoreyouknow

---

[Rant/Rave] my boyfriend bought me a fitbit and i was so excited
/u/anonalie
Created: Tue May 23 16:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cy13j/my_boyfriend_bought_me_a_fitbit_and_i_was_so/
---
each day so far i've had zero trouble eating less than i've worked off, sufficiently staying somewhere under or around 1,500. and being around him helps me a lot with my binge eating so i felt really okay.

today he brought me back home and i told my grandmother that i ate fast food today (which admittedly i was somewhat uneasy about but starting saturday i'm moving to a new job and i'll always have free healthy food provided for me and long laborious sweaty days AS WELL as the fact that i've been doing great lately so i didn't feel bad).

but then she (my nana) straight up tells me i need to stop eating and that im getting fat

BUT IVE LITERALLY GONE DOWN A PANT SIZE. IVE BEEN A SIZE 12 SINCE I WAS 11, IM 18 NOW AND IM A 10 FOR LIKE THE FIRST TIME SINCE I CAN REMEMBER CARING WHAT SIZE I WEAR

AND THIS NEW SIZE IS EVEN A SMIDGE TOO BIG TBH

i hate everything

---

[Rant/Rave] Thought I would say hello & see how you all are doing?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 16:16:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxzfh/thought_i_would_say_hello_see_how_you_all_are/
---
& hope everyone is having a good week so far.

I have been working on trying to be more social. Which has been a challenge after being in an isolated fog for so so long.

Some days are good. I feel happy and talkative even content. But the others {most days} I find myself retreating back into my shell of solitude. It is like to much of being social drains me? Which makes me sad. I want to contect with my friends again. Most of them have moved on and I am not really close to anyone anymore. :(

Finding the courage to post more here and commenting on things more often seems to be helping. I know it sounds silly but I have been scared or anxious to even post anything online for fear of having trolls or negative/hurtful people come and attack just because they can. Does anyone else think like this?

I have even been posting some thoughts and poetry on IG and have gotten some great compliments which made me feel better about myself. Maybe it is not so bad to put yourself out there?

Anyway I am in an okay mood today so I thought I would share it with you all.
Wishing you all kind thoughts & happiness xx

---

[Help] [Help] Workouts that won't make my downstairs neighbors hate me
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [66 in | 135lbs | 21.9 | -25 | idk man]
Created: Tue May 23 16:13:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxyqu/help_workouts_that_wont_make_my_downstairs/
---
So I recently moved into my own place (!!!!) which is great because I can eat on my own terms. I'm looking to start doing more exercise so I will have some muscle mass (especially in my upper body). Does anyone have any suggestions?

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[Discussion] What's too much, personally?
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Tue May 23 15:41:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxrxs/whats_too_much_personally/
---
How many calories/much food does it take for you guys to eat, until you feel you've had too much? Like what is the limit of daily calories for you? I find myself freaking out if I've had more than 300calories..

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[Help] Someone convince me that b/ping is not a valid hobby
/u/daimbunny
Created: Tue May 23 15:41:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxrt3/someone_convince_me_that_bping_is_not_a_valid/
---
Just need to get this out because I'm THIS close to going out and buying stupid amounts of binge food even though yesterday was such a good day. All I can think about right now is eating my weight's worth in Mac n cheese and Dino nuggets and purging it. And I know I'd lose weight doing it because purging is just too effective (though admittedly hell; I know it's bad but I flush myself out till all that I can get up is bile).

I lost 20 lbs last year through eating near 5000 kcal daily (of absolute shit food) and purging everything. Someone convince me that weight is not everything and that b/p is just consuming me as a person again!!!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Baby steps.
/u/bir_die [🌼 5'8" | 105.2 | 15.82 | GW: 111 | 23 Bird 🌼]
Created: Tue May 23 15:19:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxn1q/baby_steps/
---
First- I am completely overwhelmed with the kindness, care, and incredible support you all gave me with my last post. I cannot express how grateful I am for all of you to take the time to give me the encouragement and lift I needed, and I don't have enough thank-yous for every post and thought you gave me. Who knew a proED subreddit would be so supportive and encouraging for someone to lead a life of health and fight their ED? Haha.

So, I dwelled at work. I paced and I fiddled with displays and I stayed in my head until a co-worker of mine came to me crying. Her manager- which, for added ~drama~ and spice- has the position I had gone for and was promised many, many times (I worked for the brand for a year and care very, very much about it); had absolutely torn her to pieces the second she clocked in for her shift. I was absolutely appalled with what she was telling me so I took her outside and lost myself in what she had to tell me and gave her all the words I could to encourage her to go to a manager who could do something about her situation- because telling your employee she's making the department look stupid and shouldn't have gotten her position is fucking *deplorable*. And I won't stand by that, personal resentments aside. And this girl- this absolute sweetheart who *adores* the brand and was ecstatic when she got the position- should never be made to hate going to work. I let her soak up my time and I bought some chocolates to share with her and a notepad to write down anything she could remember her manager telling her.

And sitting there with her, taking care of my people; I realized I am necessary. Maybe not so incredibly obviously important in ways that will Take Me Places; but I have time to give people. And not eating or torturing myself with overeating until I purge is going to destroy me. I cannot and could not do what I love and give the love I want to give if I destroy myself. My brain would disintegrate (I've already fucked a lot of my short-term memory), my body would fail me, I would be so consumed by myself and food and not food that if I kept going and this happened again later in the year- I wouldn't be there for her. No-one would be.

So I sat in my car, cried over all the comments and DMs I received, and headed to my non-SOs. Obviously, I was still pretty stuck in my head, so I curled up on his bed and went dead for an hour. It took a lot to push myself; fighting a dry, tight throat and mouth as my ED strangled me and screamed that I'm not 105 yet, it's not time, it's too *soon*- but I said something. "Will you hold my hand for like five seconds and tell me I'm not the weak piece of shit I think I am and that I need to get over myself?" And he did. He held me and told me duh- I'm not at all a weak piece of shit. I should know that.

I was silent for a good chunk of time when he asked me what brought this on, what's weighing heavy in my mind? Again, it felt like there was barbed wire around my guts and stitching my teeth clamped together when I tried to get shaky words out. "I think I need help." With what, he asked. More quiet thinking-time as I breathed as deep and slowly as possible, trying to off-set my bird heart that was beating so hard I could hear it. "With eating." He had already known- we had that moment in the grocery store a while ago- so he squeezed me tight and told me I didn't. Which made me a little scared, which I told him so.

He told me he knew that it wouldn't help me all too much. He knew how I knew what I had to do already, that what they'd give me would be empty words I had in my head. I know what I had to do, and he did, too. Baby steps. Eat small, healthy meals that I can be comfortable with. Go vegetarian if I had to. Things easy on my system and my mind. Slow, itty-bitty progress he knows I'll hate because I tend to like to go big or go home. All or nothing. But I needed to slow down. Learn to perceive myself as I am, he said. And he worried he was a bad influence- he has a preference, you know; the most common type for guys to have. Soft, curvy, healthy with some fitness. But someone having *flesh*. Not the bone and minimal meat I've got left. I said I know. It's not negative for me. Because like I said- it's a normal, typical preference. 99% if anyone and everyone like girls like that. It doesn't bother me. I want to feel good and be healthy in my own skin. It might not mean gaining a lot or having "squish"- but I'd definitely look better and have a glow again.

We talked a bit more before I asked to get ice cream. Because that's what Normal People do when they're upset, right? It turned into an ordeal, of course. No idea why; but every goddamn place in town was closed. So we ended up in a 7/11 (which now I'm glad we did because I was freaking out a *lot* less about Calories with Prepackaged Labelled Fairly Reasonable Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich). I was pretty clearly anxious the whole time, but he just stayed chill. Told me he liked driving around and listening to music, anyway; so it wasn't even a little bit of an ordeal. He got twizzlers. He likes the original kind. It's cute.

I didn't talk about it anymore after that. I was settled in my deep breaths and eyes ahead. I wasn't going to let this be "all talk" like he said it might be. I was going to Do the Thing. *Eat*.

Waking up this morning to him nuzzling his cat and making fun of her little meows; I never want to lose that moment or miss out on it ever happening again. Seeing that cat put one paw on each of us because she *had* to have Maximum Attention is more than sunshine.

It's going to be slow. Really goddamn slow because even setting my goal to 1307 calories a day is goddamn daunting. A little exciting, right now since I can Eat Things I Like Again- but that'll fade and I'll see the scale jump up and panic. I know I'll dip my toes back into not eating and will beat myself up about it. Even with that, I think I can get past that. Because baby steps. I will mess up, and I will have to slow things down even more. It'll take a long, long time to actually be Okay. And that's fine. Maintenance will be fine for a while; up until I decide to actually Work Out. Then recovery and eating at my TDEE and slightly above will have to be seriously considered.

So we'll see! I'm still shaky about it all, and I'm terrified of going backwards; but thrilled I said anything at all and am going to *try*.

Thank-you all again, and I'm glad this place has turned into somewhere I can feel comfortable going through this with you guys. I don't feel like any (well, many) of you judge me for "giving up" on my eating disorder(s). Y'all deserve all the good in the world and I love every single one of you. 💕

(Now to decide whether or not to tell my parents. Yeesh).

🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕🌸

---

[Discussion] [discussion] does anyone else...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 14:55:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxhn9/discussion_does_anyone_else/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Gaining after years of disordered eating
/u/englace [172cm | 123lbs | Recovering | Female]
Created: Tue May 23 14:49:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxg83/gaining_after_years_of_disordered_eating/
---
Hey, um, I don't know if a lot of recovering people are on here, but...

I was anorexic for most of my teenage years, from 11-12 to 17ish, and i'm in the process of recovering right now. The biggest problem for me, though is I never really....learned how to eat properly. I can't do meal plans, I don't have any habits of eating regularly, I have nothing. But, I know if I want to be healthy and recover, the best thing to do is gain weight. I've been underweight for so long, I really think that being at a healthy bmi would be a good thing for me.

But how do you do that? How do you reincorporate eating into your life? All I've been doing is shoving 2000 calories in my face every day, in whatever form I can find, but I'm not getting the nutrition or whatever I need, and I can't have a healthy diet. Calories are one thing, of course, but how do you gain healthily? Has anybody gone through a similar thing?

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[Rant/Rave] Resisted a binge for once!
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 14:42:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cxehk/resisted_a_binge_for_once/
---
So all day today, I was having the most insane urges to binge. I was trying to eat a decent amount all day to stop this constant hunger, but I was up to 1000 cals and still feeling crazy hungry.

I was 2 seconds from bingeing.. instead of fighting this urge, I told myself I could eat as much as I want of whatever I want, as long as I go to the gym first.

Long story short, after busting your ass at the gym for hours to only burn a fraction of the calories that would have been in that binge, I totally lost my appetite.

Especially with those giant mirrors to stair at myself in the entire time, gross..

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[Other] How many calories is it when you suck the flavoring off a cheeto? How do you guys count c/s calories in general?
/u/alliwantistogiveup [5'1.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -7 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 13:48:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cx1zo/how_many_calories_is_it_when_you_suck_the/
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I just went through half a bag of cheetos just sucking the flavoring off and tossing the rest. I think normally the calories would be 600, but how much is it if it's just the flavoring? Maybe like 100 or 200? I didn't chew at all, which I know would result in more calories. How do you guys count c/s calories anyway, like a third?

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[Discussion] Investments for better self-image (aka materialism?)
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Tue May 23 13:31:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cwxvv/investments_for_better_selfimage_aka_materialism/
---
**So how many of us have spent way too much money on something just to be able to look in the mirror? Especially if you're normally a bargain shopper? I'd love to hear stories.**

Today I justified spending $500 on two pairs of prescription ray-bans, even though I would normally balk at spending more than $20 on anything inessential. I hated my face in literally every other style and brand I tried, and my face is wide so a lot of the cheaper ones were too small. I just thought, "Fuck it, I need something that doesn't make me want to cry." I decided that feeling good about my face is more important than: fancy diet foods, nice workout clothes and equipment, new shoes, expensive haircuts, and a new bathing suit. All things I was planning to buy before now.

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[Rant/Rave] Invisalign!!!!
/u/downhillbattle
Created: Tue May 23 12:33:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cwkfb/invisalign/
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Holy shit I don't know why I never even thought of it in the process leading up to this, but Invisalign is literally the best diet ever. It's like braces but instead of metal wires, it's clear trays that you swap every week or two.

You can't eat with it in - and you have to wear it for at least 20 hours a day!!! And you need to brush your teeth and trays after you do eat, so the effort of snacking is totally not worth it! Oh my god it's so unhealthy to be excited for this aspect but I figured you guys would understand lol

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[Rant/Rave] It's just so tempting...
/u/JOP17 [151cm | 55.9kg | 25.94 | GW: 44kg | Female]
Created: Tue May 23 12:21:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cwhmr/its_just_so_tempting/
---
Like, I think studying combined with period is making me super hungry. All I wanna do is order in a pizza or something and eat it all. But then I'd feel super guilty afterwards. It just fucking sucks. Was so close to getting one and cancelled. Still might. I ask myself if I still have enough time to hit my goals even after binges. I feel so stressssedddddd. :< It's the worst.

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[Discussion] Late af but I guess this is an intro? Sort of? Also kinda a DAE
/u/livingdeadqueer
Created: Tue May 23 12:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cwft2/late_af_but_i_guess_this_is_an_intro_sort_of_also/
---
I have been lurking for awhile, FINALLY made an account a bit ago.

So hello, all. I'm livingdeadqueer, how do you do, and all that rot

I'm autistic, trans, and queer.

Recently relapsed or at least stopped trying to gain? Idk...I don't have any clear goals this time. I'm kinda counting calories, and I'm DEFINITELY restricting compared to what I was doing before, and I KNOW I've lost weight...But idk I never really know WHEN to consider it a relapse :/

DAE have this problem of not knowing where to draw the line and consider their actions to be disordered?

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[Other] My cleaning lady found puke in my bin...
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Tue May 23 11:09:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cw0lv/my_cleaning_lady_found_puke_in_my_bin/
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I live in a boarding home and we have a cleaning lady. A few days ago I was vomiting (whenever I vomit I do it into my bin) and then threw the bag away. (Into our bigger bins). I put a new bag into my bin but I felt some puke coming up so I puked into the new, clean bag that I had just put into my bin. I didn't want to waste so much plastic and decided it wasn't a significant amount anyway. Big mistake. The next day when I wasn't home the cleaning lady went to replace everyone's bin with new clean bags. She found the puke and told the leader of the home who confronted me with it today.

On a normal day I don't eat anything until dinner. After dinner I go straight to my room and throw it up. Now my leader knows when I do it. Not being able to throw up is making me really uncomfortable right now and I feel disgusting and fat.

I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this, I just needed to talk about it.

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[RAVE] Down 41 pounds from January and NO LONGER OBESE
/u/Discountmein
Created: Tue May 23 10:15:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cvnoi/down_41_pounds_from_january_and_no_longer_obese/
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Don't get me wrong, I'm obviously still disgusting and have about 1,000,000 pounds to lose, but I am no longer obese medically and for fucks sake that feels damn good 💚

Thank you all for all your help, even lurking has made me feel less alone 💚 you all are the most lovely people on the internet

---

[Discussion] Haters gonna hate?
/u/Linzcro
Created: Tue May 23 09:50:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cvi0f/haters_gonna_hate/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Adult iop?
/u/Johnjo01 [5'5" |CW 119 | BMI 19.5 |GW 105]
Created: Tue May 23 09:47:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cvh65/adult_iop/
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Saw my old therapist for the first time after 7+ years of recovery. She wants to send me to IOP for three weeks. I'd need to find care for my kids (stay at home mom), and the idea of still needing IOP as an adult, a 30-something mother, is devastating and so shameful to me. I'm so embarrassed, and hopeless, and in so much pain. Anyone else need intensive treatment as an adult? How to explain to family, children? Any advice is welcomed.

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[Discussion] "average"
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: 😷 | GW: 90 ]
Created: Tue May 23 09:29:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cvd3o/average/
---
I hate being average sized. I feel like it's almost worse than when I was overweight and I miss when I was so thin people thought I was sick. Now I'm just average sized. I am a size small in clothing but I just feel like that doesn't matter much, a lot of people are a size small. People call me tiny, but I think it's just because I'm short.

I was in recovery for a year, got my energy back, got my intelligence back, I am healthy now, but I feel like because I'm average sized now I'm not *special* anymore? Even now that I've started restricting again, I feel like it doesn't matter because of my size. I feel like I don't fit anywhere. Anyone relate?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm starting to recognize that I probably have dysmorphia. :|
/u/MaybeIllGetThere [176cm | 66.5kg | 21.0 | 23]
Created: Tue May 23 09:21:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cvbce/im_starting_to_recognize_that_i_probably_have/
---
My gf invited me to a house party/barbecue as her +1 this past weekend, and after much freaking out at the prospect of hanging out with about a dozen strangers I decided to go.

It turned out to be pretty great. I'm vegan so I could avoid all food guilt free and the atmosphere was super chill. There wasn't a ton of alcohol and the music was varied and awesome. Most the people were 'my kind of people', (nerdy, queer, and comfortable with it), and even though I was sober and not super sociable I had a good time.

A few hours in I went to the bathroom and was shocked by my reflection. I looked gorgeous and slim and I was kind of overwhelmed for a few minutes. I didn't really notice but everyone else at the party was average to overweight and mostly out of shape. So basically perfectly normal people. I think it kind of became normalized and the contrast is what surprised me. I was objectively the tallest, fittest, and thinnest person there.

Later in the night somebody said I was all legs, and someone else said they were jealous of my figure. It should have been a dream come true but it felt terrible, and I got weirdly self-conscious and felt out of place for the rest of the night. I felt bony and awkward and all knees and elbows and angles. I couldn't sit comfortably and I was constantly comparing height and wrist thickness with everyone I interacted with. I got a taste of what it it felt like to actually think I looked good and it ruined my night.

The next morning I showered and did a body check in a floor length mirror and I was fat and broad and chunky again, like some kind of fucked up Cinderella after the ball. It's all in my head. It's scary knowing my sense of self is so dependent on other people, and it's scary knowing it can have such a big impact on my mood. I like to think I have so much control but now it feels that my routines and habits do nothing when I can't objectively look at myself.

---

[Help] Bipolar and ED - To get help, or not to get help.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Tue May 23 08:53:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cv4vf/bipolar_and_ed_to_get_help_or_not_to_get_help/
---
I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality and bipolar, woo hoo, by two different psychiatrists) several years and have struggled with it my whole life. The medications they put me on made me feel like a zombie, and sleepy all the time, I had to miss work and school etc. I think it was lithium and maybe geodon? So I just gave up on it and quit taking them and of course have had horrible mania/depression rapidly cycling for literally ever. My bipolar is getting so bad that I'm like, suicidal so I feel like I need to seek out a doctor again and get medicated. But I'm terrified because all the side effects of the mood stabilizers/antipsychotics are weight gain and sexual problems. If I gain weight, I'll literally want to die either way. And if I lose my sex drive and stop enjoying sex and being able to orgasm, it'll feel like the one thing I enjoy in life has been ripped away from me. I don't know what to do anymore. My bpd is ruining my life, my relationships, my job, everything. I can't take it anymore. But I also can't deal with being fat or not enjoying sex. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have experience being medicated for bpd while having an ed?

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[Other] My boyfriend saw me posting on peach and asked what it was
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 07:49:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6curih/my_boyfriend_saw_me_posting_on_peach_and_asked/
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[deleted]

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Fasting?
/u/Haywiid
Created: Tue May 23 06:45:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cuf53/fasting/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Today is my anniversary and I've never felt so broken hearted.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 06:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cudin/today_is_my_anniversary_and_ive_never_felt_so/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Fasts always betray me...
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Tue May 23 06:24:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cub96/fasts_always_betray_me/
---
So yesterday I randomly decided to fast, mostly because my boyfriend and I were fighting over getting engaged (typical girl is ready for commitment, guy doesn't feel it's "right" situation) and I stayed out window shopping most of the day to distract me and my stomach was in knots over the dumb fight, blah blah blah.

I had 155 calories MAX. A 100 cal oreo thins packet, a 35 cal tofu miso soup packet, and a grande black coffee with 2 sweeteners from Starbucks. That's it. I was so excited to see maybe one pound drop off the scale this morning, dragged myself out of bed and...no change. Not even a literal decimal point. I've been doing this ED rodeo long enough to know that yeah, I'll lose the weight at some point today or tomorrow, but fuck I want my instant gratification fix.

I promised myself yesterday if I just got through not eating for that day I could have these specific things to eat today, but now I just don't feel like I deserve them... god, I hate how our ED's are such fickle bitches.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else reluctant to recover and gain weight because you are bitter that others "get" to be underweight?
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 06:12:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cu91j/is_anyone_else_reluctant_to_recover_and_gain/
---
I know it sounds irrational and petty. I've always been slim but I have gotten underweight and I know this is not a healthy weight for me. I also know that I will have to gain weight in recovery, probably more than I was pre-ED (110-115 lbs).

But I'm so bitter because there seem to be women who are "naturally" 5'5 and 100 lbs and nobody bats an eye. That's a BMI of around 17 and plenty of attractive models and celebs are around that. And they GET to be and stay that thin whereas I don't.

To be fair, there is no guarantee that these women aren't secretly miserable because they are underweight. And mental recovery includes letting go of underweight as the only ideal. But I'm still kinda angry tbh.

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 23 06:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cu8vd/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_23_2017/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 23 06:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cu8uk/daily_food_diary_may_23_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Help] Recovery + Diets
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 05:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cu12r/recovery_diets/
---
hey guys! i've reached a point where i ache so much to eat normally again. i really want to lose weight, but the only way i can seem to is at extreme deficits. i want to try the whole "1200" idea, but is dieting while trying to get away from the disordered habits a good idea? i just want to stop purging and binging and fasting. i want to take care of my body, get nutrients so i stop feeling so damn miserable.

tl;dr can you diet while recovering? what are your experiences with recovering from restricting + purging?

---

[Discussion] Who else here feels extremely triggered by parents?
/u/jayjayjaythrowaway
Created: Tue May 23 05:10:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ctz8m/who_else_here_feels_extremely_triggered_by_parents/
---
I swear I can tune other people's comments out like whoa but if my mom comments on my food (like she does every time I eat something in front of her) it gets to me in a way that nothing else does. It's like a visceral reaction. I have to *really* concentrate on not screaming at her or leaving the situation immediately.

I can still remember going to the fridge after school when I was like 13 and her going "you're eating AGAIN?" and that was a solid 15 years ago, lol.

---

[Rant/Rave] Eating out with people
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Tue May 23 04:19:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ctsbv/eating_out_with_people/
---
I'm currently on vacation in China and it's been awesome, but whenever we go out to eat with family and friends they always pressure me to eat more and keep eating. I've been trying to eat slowly and chew a shit ton, so it'll look like I'm eating more. It's just starting to get a little frustrating. Why the fuck do they care how much I eat? Why can't they just eat to their satisfaction and leave me alone to eat however much I feel comfortable eating.

---

[Discussion] FitBit buddies!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 03:46:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ctnv2/fitbit_buddies/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Quick question.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 03:05:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ctip7/quick_question/
---
Is it safe to take a laxative while drinking coffee?

UPDATE: I am currently right in the middle of the worst stomach ache I think I have ever had. I don't think I will be doing this again!

---

[Help] Restricting all day, then eating allotted calories at night?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 23 02:42:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ctfw4/restricting_all_day_then_eating_allotted_calories/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I'm so excited and nervous I'm freaking out
/u/douchebaguette- [get me out of here]
Created: Tue May 23 02:30:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ctehy/im_so_excited_and_nervous_im_freaking_out/
---
I haven't been able to weigh myself in two weeks (vacation!) and I think I've lost but I'm not sure. I get to find out tomorrow.

It's totally pathetic how excited I am to see my scale, isn't it?

---

[Help] Has anyone here recovered from laxative abuse?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Tue May 23 00:54:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ct2c3/has_anyone_here_recovered_from_laxative_abuse/
---
I'm so over them. They cause more problems then they're worth and I genuinely want to stop. I'm so tempted to flush them right now. I've read up on how to recover from it and feel ready.

I'm just amazed how much I have relied on them. Even if I had a bad day, I would pop some right when I got home and instantly feel better. It makes no sense, but I did it again this morning.

I want to be done with them.

---

[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] Pro: 5 cups of Pictsweet's steamed broccoli is only 150 calories!
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Tue May 23 00:50:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ct1un/rave_pro_5_cups_of_pictsweets_steamed_broccoli_is/
---
Con: I just ate 5 fucking cups of steamed broccoli.

Oh well. Guiltless, sickly full is still guiltless. 👌🏻

---

[Discussion] Adults?
/u/IForgotMyFood
Created: Tue May 23 00:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6csz42/adults/
---
Hey, I've noticed and appreciated that i see more people 18 amd up on this forum than any other "ed" "social platform." I really, really appreciate the break from the massive amounts of 12-16 year olds in the ed sides of tumbly and instogram...

But why do you think this is?

---

[Rant/Rave] |Rant| Incorrect nutrition label info
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Mon May 22 22:46:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6csk68/rant_incorrect_nutrition_label_info/
---
I bought some green tea daifuku at my favorite Asian market because the calorie count was significantly less than the rest of the daifuku available, 90 for 2 . I was really excited to eat some w/ my coffee tomorrow but after looking at other daifuku counts on MFP I was wary that it may be more than the label was letting on.
So I grabbed the package and did the math. No fat, that's a good start. 2g of protein, alright, multiply that by four. 42g of carbs......times four....plus eight....Fuck. 176 for two, which means it's 88 for ONE. One tiny little rice cake. Now I have to put them in the freezer or throw them out because there is no way I can justify that. I should have known it was too good to be true :/ I'm like...unreasonably upset over this.

---

[Discussion] Boredom and restriction
/u/Airpopped6
Created: Mon May 22 22:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6csjti/boredom_and_restriction/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My coworkers keep commenting on literally every fucking thing I eat and I'm becoming genuinely suicidal
/u/chriseema
Created: Mon May 22 22:23:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6csgjn/my_coworkers_keep_commenting_on_literally_every/
---
Imagine every time you get up to get a breath mint, people comment on it. That's my fucking life. I gained 15 lbs since starting work, I'm aware, I am trying to change it, but I am by no means obese, I'm 130 lbs. I don't think they understand how much I want to rip off their faces with a box cutter every time I hear "wow again?" If I go to get a cracker.

---

[Other] For my fellow Star Wars fan EDO sufferers. I've been thinking of this line a lot. ❤️
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Mon May 22 21:58:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6csc9p/for_my_fellow_star_wars_fan_edo_sufferers_ive/
---
http://i.imgur.com/LOfzx2N.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] So I have a rant account on Instagram about my ED and this is the shit I have to deal with...
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Mon May 22 21:23:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cs62v/so_i_have_a_rant_account_on_instagram_about_my_ed/
---
https://i.redd.it/02ohf7dy46zy.jpg

---

[Help] Tea Recommendations!
/u/theplushbus [5'6" | CW: 119 GW: 115 | -10 | 17♀]
Created: Mon May 22 20:58:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cs1jb/tea_recommendations/
---
I need help getting into tea drinking. I'm awful about nibbling and snacking on things throughout the day, simply because I like the taste. I'm thinking hot tea could help remedy this poor habit, and maybe the caffeine could help my perpetually tired ass as well. Does anyone have any recommendations for a tea-drinking beginner? Something thats not too bitter or strong, I don't wanna have to add to much sugar or anything. Thanks! :)

---

[Help] Does anyone know of a good exercise tracker?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 20:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crw84/does_anyone_know_of_a_good_exercise_tracker/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] THERE IS HOPE AND I AM SO EXCITED
/u/qwertyloopy [5'3"|22.3| current goal: BMI 20 | f]
Created: Mon May 22 20:16:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crtxc/rave_there_is_hope_and_i_am_so_excited/
---
YOU GUYS!!!! Today's the first day in legitimately months where I've eaten "intuitively" enough (AKA restricted but didn't count calories) and been sane AND functional!! I've been in such a horrible b/p cycle since winter and gained like 6lbs since Feb but it's fine because I'm on the right track again!!

I ate at 2:00 pm despite wanting to fast and forced myself to eat healthy fats:

- 1/2 cup of 4% cottage cheese
- 1/2 a "teeny tiny" avocado from Trader Joe's (still counting it as 1/2 a large one just in case)
- a 100 kcal Epic chicken sriracha bar

When I'm in a b/p cycle I'm always ravenous but since eating, I have not felt the least bit hungry for 5+ hours and feel like I could go for the rest of the night. I don't feel like a zombie or even want to binge or purge?! I've had the energy to go through my whole work day (7am-2pm) AND classes!! And it's been one of the busiest weeks of the quarter!

I'd been so paranoid of going too high in calories but oh my god it was so worth it. LCHF I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3

p.s. I found 100kcal snack packets of bare almond butter online and might just treat myself to one of these since it's been such a good day :)

---

[Help] (Help) Finding a good app to track calories with
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Mon May 22 20:14:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crtnd/help_finding_a_good_app_to_track_calories_with/
---
Long time lurker first-ish time poster here,

I am trying to find an app that tracks calories and gives feedback. I'm currently using Lose it! but want to be able to track future meals without having to pay extra. I love Lose it! And that is the type of app I'm looking for. MFP I'm not a fan of same with fitbit I just don't like the style.

Any suggestions would be wonderful, I feel without being reminded to track and actually tracking I would go back to being a whale.

---

[Discussion] Do you have a mental picture for your disordered eating? What does it look like?
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 | 21.68 | CW: 105.4]
Created: Mon May 22 19:58:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crqhd/do_you_have_a_mental_picture_for_your_disordered/
---
I suffered from depression for a long time until I managed to see a psychiatrist and get on the right cocktail of medications. I would always picture my depression as a black hole in my chest, eating away at me. I was wondering if anyone had a mental picture of their eating disorder/ disordered eating (whatever you want to call it)?

---

[Rant/Rave] trying not to be competitive
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 19:49:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crorg/trying_not_to_be_competitive/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Unconventional thinspo: women of argentine tango
/u/numba1chief_rocka [5'6" | CW 125 | GW 108]
Created: Mon May 22 19:23:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crjtd/unconventional_thinspo_women_of_argentine_tango/
---
I do a little social dancing, including argentine tango. I find a lot of the follows to be mesmerizingly beautiful and graceful. This is thinspo for me because this is how I want to look in the embrace; how I want my legs to look when I dance. Of course, I'll have to also overcome the hurdle of becoming a muuuuuch better dancer. Haha.

Enjoy [Eugenia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrKSE4ZPdcA&spfreload=10) and [Diana](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_g8sndoaak) being absolute angels at the 2015 Natural Tango Festival.

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally back on track and (almost) ready to go home!
/u/xParabola [5'7 | HW: 171 | CW: 146.4 | 22.94 | -24.6 | 21F]
Created: Mon May 22 19:00:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crfcg/finally_back_on_track_and_almost_ready_to_go_home/
---
A bit of background: my exchange semester in the US just ended and I have been traveling the country for a small two weeks. I promised myself to count calories and keep it at a minimum, but instead I've been screwing up and stuffing my face with McDonalds and Subway (because it's cheap). Also, I often couldn't get away with eating nothing/very little, because I was with friends.

Our Airbnb host brought in a scale for us to weigh our suitcases for the airport, and naturally I sneakily hopped on it when no one was looking. I felt disgusting as I had gained so, so much of the weight back that I struggled to lose in the first place.

I binged on Saturday and felt like shit. I'm going home tomorrow and I wanted to be skinnier, hoping that my friends and family would notice after 4 months. Something clicked though and I got back on track.

I managed to fast all day on sunday (!) with some suspicion of my roommate, but I lied my way around it. Today, I was still going strong until 4 pm (about 40 hours fasting) when I was forced to eat by my friend (she knew I didn't have breakfast or lunch) and we got pizza. However, I got away with eating three small slices of a 10" pizza. Counted every slice around 300 calories (let's pray that's accurate), which brings me to a total of about 900 for the day~

I'm just really happy to break out of the binge cycle, to keep up a fast while my friend was with me at all times (it's not easy) and to have the strength to eat only 3 small slices. 💕 I went from 156 to 149.8 (before pizza and poop lol) in just a couple of days. I hope to keep my intake as low as possible tomorrow + I'm gonna be on a plane for houuurs and plan on fasting. If I have to cave, I'm bringing baby carrots to snack on to avoid eating the food served on the plane.

I hope I can keep this up and to be back at my flair's weight before I land, wish me luck lovelies! ❤

Tl;dr: broke a binge cycle, still managed a deficit while eating pizza, back to being under 150.

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[Other] i relate so hard to this right now
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Mon May 22 18:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crew2/i_relate_so_hard_to_this_right_now/
---
https://i.redd.it/zh9ua3hoe5zy.jpg

---

[Help] My ED has taken a backseat to other shit for a while but my roommate just talked about eating/self-image/drinking- opinions on this note I've left her?
/u/hasafewbuckstospare
Created: Mon May 22 18:47:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6crckd/my_ed_has_taken_a_backseat_to_other_shit_for_a/
---
https://imgur.com/utto3vV

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[Discussion] ED Problem #123: Why does my stomach hurt.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Mon May 22 18:18:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cr6uh/ed_problem_123_why_does_my_stomach_hurt/
---
Im doing so many terrible things to my body, i have no clue what could be wrong lmao. Does my stomach hurt:

A. From all those laxatives i took ?
B: From all the binging i've been doing?
C. From all the purging i've been doing ?
D. From all the diet pills i took ?
E: From restricting and these are hunger pains?


Bonus Alternative Answers : Could it be the physical symptoms of my depression? Could it be cramps from my period?


Who knows!!

---

[Rant/Rave] So I had a bad day and REALLY want to eat
/u/mandybooboogirl
Created: Mon May 22 18:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cr57p/so_i_had_a_bad_day_and_really_want_to_eat/
---
Had horrible criticism via email from a manager at my one remaining part-time job (got fired from the other last week). I just want to drive to the store and get a cart full of ice cream!!! Trying to persuade myself to not go, cuz I have Halo Top in fridge....

---

[Discussion] Was anyone else here overweight as a child?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | I don't want to compete anymore | F]
Created: Mon May 22 17:54:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cr29b/was_anyone_else_here_overweight_as_a_child/
---
In 5th grade I was probably obese. In 9th grade I developed my ED and dropped down to a bmi of ~17. It's weird to think about that because I am pretty sure I would still be overweight had I not developed my ED. And like, it makes me actually thankful for my eating disorder, which is fucked up.

---

My weight loss is slowing down even though I've been sticking to my cal restriction, feeling so hopeless
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 17:25:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cqwkg/my_weight_loss_is_slowing_down_even_though_ive/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Lol. Just legitimized buying and eating baby food with my folks.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Mon May 22 17:07:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cqsuo/lol_just_legitimized_buying_and_eating_baby_food/
---
So my sister has a baby and we were talking about baby food at the store and I said "apple and sweet potato... Cinnamon, sounds like something Id eat.... And she bought me one. Lol. So no one is going to wonder why I buy baby food, if they notice. We decided they taste good and are more convenient than the adult varieties.

---

[Help] My girlfriend is relapsing and lying to me. I don't know what to do.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Mon May 22 16:51:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cqphx/my_girlfriend_is_relapsing_and_lying_to_me_i_dont/
---
As some of you know, my live in girlfriend and I met in treatment - she's struggled with anorexia, bulimia, bingeing, pretty much everything. We've been together 11 months now and things had been going pretty well. For the last few months I've been in limbo between recovery and relapsing. I recently started a lease on a new horse and that pushed me towards recovery, because I know I need to eat if I want to take care of the horse and ride him as much as possible. Yay!

Anyways, a few weeks ago my girlfriend started using her laptop a LOT, which historically is rare for her. She's always on her phone. When I asked her what she was doing on her laptop, she would't show me and shut the screen. Sketch af....Well at some point I was walking into the kitchen while she was on her laptop and caught a glimpse of her screen. She was on MPA (My Pro Ana). My heart sank to my stomach. I couldn't believe her. I asked why she's on there and she said they have recovery forums and it's an outlet for her, etc. I asked why she didn't tell me and she said "I thought you'd get mad if I told you." Um, no, I'm more mad that you lied to me, didn't tell me and hid it from me.

Soon after that she started restricting, despite me *begging* her not to. I tried explaining that her restricting would trigger me, but she didn't care, and she kept doing it anyways. One day she gave in and agreed to eat the half of her Jimmy John's sandwich she didn't finish. She ate it, then a little while later I found her on the toilet and she was making weird noises, saying her stomach hurt. I asked if she needed anything and she screamed at me to go away. I did, and I could only assume she wanted me to go away so she could purge it up. I think I was right because when she came out of the bathroom she said "baaaaabe I think my stomach can't handle sprouts" or something like that. I asked her if she sandwich made her throw up and she said yes.

Then about a week later I did some lurking and found her MPA account. She has in fact been purging. A lot. I told her I knew about her purging (but I didn't tell her I found her MPA account) and she kept denying it.

I don't know what to do. Her restriction *is* triggering me. I'm starting to restrict heavily on days I don't ride and though I *do* eat on days I ride, I know it's not nearly enough. I also feel betrayed and lied to. Honestly, part of me wants to break up with her because our relationship is **not** healthy right now, but I know for a fact that if we do break up, I'll relapse anyways.


Sorry this post was long. Mods - delete if not allowed. I just needed to vent and I know you guys will understand better than anyone else.

---

[Discussion] DAE notice the weight loss in your hands?
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Mon May 22 15:31:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cq8cy/dae_notice_the_weight_loss_in_your_hands/
---
It's just so amazing that my hands are getting thinner. I love seeing the bones and the tendons on the backs of my hands... The veins that pop out sometimes. Been paranoid about muscle wasting, but trying to believe it's the weight loss.

Anyone else notice the change in their hands or other places that are kinda... Not conventionally used to gauge weight loss?

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[Rant/Rave] I take a bite of my sandwich every 5 minutes so that it lasts longer and to give myself the illusion that I'm eating more
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Mon May 22 15:21:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cq66y/i_take_a_bite_of_my_sandwich_every_5_minutes_so/
---
ive been eating it for 30 minutes now this is ridiculous what the fuck am i doing what kind of shitty logic is this garbage

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[Intro] a shit reintro that isnt even v worth it but WHATEVER
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 14:48:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpyov/a_shit_reintro_that_isnt_even_v_worth_it_but/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Has anyone on this sub tried Whole30? I'm thinking of starting very soon
/u/holly-mint
Created: Mon May 22 14:41:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpx3b/has_anyone_on_this_sub_tried_whole30_im_thinking/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] when u promise u was gonna start keto
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 14:38:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpweh/when_u_promise_u_was_gonna_start_keto/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] "Naturally thin" - how much of this is disordered eating and how much is actually being naturally thin?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Mon May 22 14:32:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpvb5/naturally_thin_how_much_of_this_is_disordered/
---
For the purpose of this post I'm referring to like, insanely thin people. Like underweight BMIs, very bony, etc. You know the look. The one we aspire to.

Anyways, we always see super super skinny girls who say they're just "naturally thin". Or we have had those super skinny friends who can eat a horse. They eat whatever, and stay super skinny. Or models say they just "eat healthy" etc.

It just confuses me, now that I'm heavily into my ED, how many people are super thin while still eating whatever the f they want and remaining somewhat inactive. Then I wonder, if they're purging or have an ED. It's like I see EDs everywhere.

I'm 5'4 and I wasn't able to lose weight until I dropped my intake to like 800 cals a day. Which seems super low - admittedly it's pretty high compared to what I see on this sub but it keeps me from binging. Anyway -

Or I wonder if super skinny people even hardly eat at all. I don't know if I believe really in "naturally thin" because, CICO. But with the TDEE being lower for lower weight people, wouldn't that mean they have to eat less to maintain that super slim weight?

I guess my whole point to this is, if you're eating "healthily" (enough calories etc) and not restricting too heavily wouldn't that mean that you necessarily couldn't get to such a super slim size naturally? Wouldn't you basically *have* to be doing some ED behaviors like high restriction, excessive exercise etc?

In conclusion to my rambling disordered fuckery of thoughts... I guess I'm just saying, every time I look at someone with the body type I want (bony, super thin, low BMI) I think to myself that they probably have an ED. Not sure if it's my brain trying to rationalize my activities or if it really isn't that likely for people to be so thin "naturally". Like, if I ever *do* get better, will I ever be able to healthily attain the body I want?

In addition... my bf is thin, underweight BMI (5'11, 130) and I honestly think it's because he doesn't eat enough and does a lot of manual labor every day at work (like painting, carpentry, etc). His TDEE is like 3000 but he eats maybe 2000 max. He says he's just "naturally skinny and can't gain weight" but it seems obvious to me that he's got some disordered eating going on considering he doesn't eat much and won't even finish his food. He *always* leaves a little bit on the plate because he had 9 siblings growing up and food was kind of scarce while he was a little kid.

---

[Meme/Humor] TW: Calories. The most stressful video I've watched today.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 14:22:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpt0d/tw_calories_the_most_stressful_video_ive_watched/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjY9RrZZlFI

---

[Rant/Rave] Worried about going back to therapy
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 86 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Mon May 22 13:41:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpjc9/worried_about_going_back_to_therapy/
---
i'm 16 and since i've been having a ton of slip ups with restricting to 300-400 cals and b/ping, my parents are setting up an ed specialist for me to go to.

i'm near my low weight and i know i'm in the "extreme" weight bracket for anorexia (though it certainly doesn't feel or look like it).

i'm extremely worried about getting sent back to inpatient. it was unbearable even the first time. the weight gain is so fast, the structure is so terrible, the competition is just too much. i also have a lot of big changes in my life coming up, work, volunteering, a very new girlfriend. it's too hard. i'm just really not sure what to do. i keep telling myself i'll eat maintenance but i'm not even sure what that is, and whenever i try it leads to a b/p. i'm scared of almost any food that isn't vegetables or nonfat yogurt.

php and iop are not an option where i live. things are getting too hard again and it feels hopeless.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else spend forever trying to get dressed?
/u/Jitterly [164 cm | too much | F]
Created: Mon May 22 13:28:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpg8m/anyone_else_spend_forever_trying_to_get_dressed/
---
I LOVE fashion, but everything looks like shit on me!! On some super low self-esteem days, I will spend up to hours trying to find something I can wear without feeling like crap and it just doesn't work. I'm going out with my mom later, we're not even going anywhere important, but I just cannot find a single thing to wear that doesn't make me feel ugly and fat.
I'm just so sad. I love getting dressed up, I love watching fashion vloggers, and I love clothing and style and all of those things, but I'm not cute and slim enough for it. I grew up wanting so badly to be a model and here I am at 5'4 :( It just makes me feel so depressed.
On top of that, I had a terrible doctor's appointment today and I was so anxious that I got the only hoodie I felt okay-ish looking in drenched in sweat (sorry for the tmi). I'm just feeling all around crappy and uncomfortable with myself.
I'm leaving with my mom in an hour, and I've spent the last hour trying on all of my clothes. I can't find one thing that doesn't make me feel awful. Plus, I got my hair cut short, and I think it is cute with my face, but I'm not petite enough to pull off the cut, so my small head and hair just accentuate how unattractive my body is.
Sorry this is so ranty. Today has just been really bad.
Does anybody else do something similar? What do you wear to combat it?

---

[Goal] How to get a body like this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 13:26:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpft1/how_to_get_a_body_like_this/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Nausea question [help]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Mon May 22 13:13:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpcrm/nausea_question_help/
---
Like a bunch of you, when I get really hungry I get nauseous. NBD, except lately I've been actually throwing up because I'm so hungry. The other day I had to leave a meeting to projectile vomit and it was 100% just due to hunger- I ate a think thin bar and had some water for a while and was ok. Since then, every morning has been so rough. No more puking, but in order to avoid it I have to *gasp* eat breakfast. I try to save all my calories for the end of the day cause this girl loves to smoke weed in bed and mini binge on my ~600 cals of the day, so breakfast really puts a damper on things. Is there anything I can do about this or is breakfast my New Normal?

---

[Rant/Rave] I might be in trouble
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Mon May 22 13:12:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cpcmu/i_might_be_in_trouble/
---
I had a therapy/ psych NP appointment today and I got weighed at the NP, something I wasn't anticipating. This morning I was 129.6, and I know the last time she weighed me like a month ago I was in the high 130s, probably more like 140.

She then asked me if my therapist weighs me (no) and I told her my dietician was. She followed up with "how often do you see her" which I said weekly... she kept flipping in between what she was writing and one other page, and I'm terrified the weight loss is noticeable.

I'm so fucked.

---

[Goal] 5lbs in 15days!!!!
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 214 | -22lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Mon May 22 12:53:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cp82d/5lbs_in_15days/
---
So I didn't reach my goal of a loss of 16 lbs last Friday but I just realized I've lost 5lbs in 15 days!!! Probably has something to do with my period finally starting to stop but fuck yea!!!

Wonder if I can loose 100lbs in 10 months now.

---

[Discussion] Always either fat or skinny-anyone else like this? [RANT]
/u/throwaway030816
Created: Mon May 22 12:51:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cp7ma/always_either_fat_or_skinnyanyone_else_like_this/
---
My binging/purging cycles are always for such prolonged periods, that I'm at this point where I don't even enjoy when I'm skinny. Right now I'm getting close to my skinny stage, but I feel like it's fleeting. Like I'm going to end up fat anyway, and so I need to enjoy this while I can.

Is it like this for anyone else?? I think I'm so used to feeling like this that I almost let myself get fat again, because it's all a part of the cycle. As if I'm SUPPOSED to get fat. It's so dumb. I should just maintain, but no, there is no maintenance option for me.

---

[Help] Ate 1300calories!!!
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Mon May 22 12:50:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cp7fs/ate_1300calories/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Just ur everyday emo rant!
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Mon May 22 12:34:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cp402/just_ur_everyday_emo_rant/
---
I can't wait to drop dead from this stupid disorder. Fuck anorexia and depression. That is all.

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't get out of my head.
/u/bir_die [🌼 5'8" | 105.2 | 15.82 | GW: 111 | 23 Bird 🌼]
Created: Mon May 22 12:31:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cp39w/i_cant_get_out_of_my_head/
---
I'm staring down the barrel of a gun like a doe in the headlights. I can see right down to the bullet, knowing exactly what will kill me- but I won't move. I stand still because I'm ignoring my survival instincts in favor of letting myself go. I'm being rooted in one place by my own mind and it's going to pull me under and bury me like the skeleton half of my brain wants me to be.

I can't breathe because my chest hurts and my stomach feels as if I ate an entire banquet last night. Even after twelve-plus hours, I somehow manage to feel full and disgusting. Half of it is from my stomach being stretched and sore from that; the other is my head twisting every little thing into something Dirty and Bad. Reminding me I don't want to feel like this every day of my life. All I want to do is fast or have a massive b/p session date with myself. I keep secluding myself more and more just so I don't have to think so much about what I'll eat or when I'll eat or how much I'll eat. I've made myself miss out on things I love Just In Case they wanted to have food after.

I'm pretty sure I've royally fucked my digestive system, and now my heart rate is starting to get funky (hopefully just from anxiety attacks, so it's temporary and situational). I had a panic attack because I saw someone smaller than me and questioned everyone around me if I was thinner than her. I was *shameless* and *desperate*. I didn't help my parents put in their garden this year- something I genuinely look forward to and absolutely love to do. I missed out because I knew they'd want to have lunch and large suppers and Non Safe Food. I haven't hung out with the one person I've felt happiest being around because he had the gall to buy *donuts*.

I'm getting worse and it's more than a rabbit-hole. I don't think I can get through this alone, anymore, and I'm so scared. I want 105 so badly but that may or may not be a breaking point. I'm not confident that I'll finally start maintaining at that point. I'm not confident that it won't be the final jump off the ledge and straight into letting my ED take me completely. I'm not that bad. I'm *not that bad*. I'm barely underweight, I don't look bad, I'm not sickly. I have no reason to fret about eating or getting better! I don't even restrict that extremely and I don't b/p all the time! I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm *fine*.

But the rate it's tearing my mind apart is telling me that maybe I am pretty bad. I can't fathom not counting every calorie that passes my lips or worrying knots into my guts over what to order when we go out because there's things I don't Deserve and things that'll hurt my stomach and things that are Too Much Too Much Too Fucking Much. All I think about is how to get away with not eating and how to keep myself from binging when I'm alone. I feel so lost when I can't weigh myself for the day, and now if the scale doesn't at least go a few ounces lower than the last time I stood on it, my stomach drops to my feet. I can't live with not losing.

I'm in this shit deep and I hate it. I hate that I'm exhausting people who love me- and I'm realizing how much they genuinely, actually, *reallyforreal* love me. I don't want to ask anything of them or stress them out more than I already do. I don't want them watching me wither away, but I don't want them to think they have to take care of me. I don't want to be catered to or monitored or worried about. I should be independent and solid in moving forward and doing all those things I tell others; better myself, live happily and healthily, be strong. I'm not strong, though; I'm so disgustingly weak to this bullshit screaming at me in my head that the numbers *aren't enough* and I'm *not there yet* and *look at how much bigger you are*. I'm even scared to start working out again because I'm pretty damn sure I'll use that as a way to purge. But it's *healthy* to work off calories, right??? Even if it puts you in a deficit?

I don't know anything except that I can't trust myself. I'm to the point of being so deep in my own head I'm not listening to what people say to me or try to tell me- even just normal conversation. It's all I can think about and it's screaming at me. I need to maintain for my mental health more than my physical, at this point, and I don't think I can do it. I actively *do not* want to recover- I just want to be moderately healthy and shake at least *some* of the control my ED has over me. Maybe then I can fully get over it all, but just the word "recover" makes me fucking nauseous. I can half-stand (not really) the idea of water weight and bloating- but ever, ever actually gaining? No. Absolutely not. I've fought too hard to be here, I'm not flushing that down the toilet with putting fat back under my skin. If I can be sure it's muscle, maybe I can try to accept it. As long as my highest ever weight is 111. That's why it was my GW in the first place. It's my goal highest weight. I'll never break it. I'll never leave this pretty place with a pretty BMI and pretty Numbers.

Time isn't going to slow down just so I can get the guts to help myself. I'm going to try to do what I can on my own- because I *should be* and *need to be* independent. I'm not going to drag anyone down more than I have until I absolutely must. And I promise- I *swear*- once I hit 105, if that's not where I'm half-okay with stopping, if I can't keep my goal to maintain and Eat More and Be Healthier; I will ask for help. I'll do it. I'll break and be weak and disgusting and needy and I'll sit those I love down and tell them I can't trust myself anymore. I'll just want support, maybe a helping hand- but I don't want them to do more than they'd want. Maybe I'll even see a professional. I don't know. It makes me sick to think about.

I just need to gather my willpower again and not let this get to me anymore. If I can go days without eating and can make myself puke on command, I can manage to force myself to eat more and learn to like it, right? If I put it down in words, maybe it'll hold me accountable. I'm not going to just try- I'm going to succeed. Even if success means breaking down and crying about how sick I am to someone. Success, at this point, is getting this toxic piece of shit out of my head and gaining my own control back. I miss the sunshine that was behind my eyes. Now they're just dull and I can't have that.

So, fuck that shit. I'm going to get better. Ish.

---

[Rant/Rave] Titled.. Life?
/u/Chromalust [6'1 | CW: 133lbs | GW: Less | mtF]
Created: Mon May 22 12:20:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cp0pr/titled_life/
---
Hai.

I don't even know if I *should* write this, but I *want* to.. so here goes, even if it's probably boring. :p

***Edit:*** *So, I'm just gonna TL:DR it.. feels like I'm oversharing. xD*

So basically it's been one of those weeks where I kinda do oki on my calorie intake, but still feel bloated and gross most of the time.. so I wanted to fast during the weekend, as it's very hard for me to do and still function at work.. but the boyfriend wasn't much for that idea.. worried and stuff because I live alone.. not like it ever became an issue as I proceeded to get invited out for a movie and accompanying popcorn on **Saturday**.. then later family stuff that involved food, and a cake I managed to not have to taste.. Aaand then, after getting home, trying to purge and mostly failing, I go to bed feeling horrid.

Come **Sunday** I wake up super and and for some reason run out to buy a ton of my binge food, like 6000+ calories worth.. but I "only" get through like 2000cal before I get nauseous and try to purge it all again.. that's basically my whole day.

**Friday** I'm not hungry at all, bringing most of the shit I bought with me to work to share there instead of eating it myself later. Yay brownie points. Yay damage control. I have like a huge bowl of stir fried chicken breast and egg whites and cauliflower worth 303cal for dinner around 20pm. Didn't even feel sick..

Back on track. Here we go. I feel like I need to tighten my belt at work.

~~Oh kitten it, this was long-winded too. Gah..~~

~k

---

[Rant/Rave] In the middle of a breakdown
/u/letsgetfitnow
Created: Mon May 22 12:08:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6coxup/in_the_middle_of_a_breakdown/
---
So after medical stuff and meds that make me pack on pounds, I am finally able to eat (or not) the way that makes me comfortable. Really really desperately need to get this weight off that I gained. So I was pretty happy because I was back to being able to control everything that went in. For the last three weeks I've eaten between 0-1000 calories a day, worked out daily 1-3 hours a day. I have felt really confident that the weight I gained would have come off. Instead I got on the scale this morning and I have only lost 4lbs in the last 3 weeks.

So I'm having a mental breakdown. I can't not eat at all because I am expected to eat dinner with my husband and children. I have managed to avoid some dinners claiming stomach upset or tired or "I ate a big lunch", but it isn't the majority of the time. My husband knows my ED history and isn't above sitting down with a plate of food and making me eat in front of him.

I spend as much time as I can at the gym, but can't spend much more time than I do there because of needing to be home with my kids. I try and fit in small workouts at home in between taking care of my kids.

I do take an EC stack, but I am just really losing my mind right now.

I don't know what I expect to get out of this post except that I know you guys are the only ones who would understand.

---

[Thinspo] Mary Louise Parker
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Mon May 22 11:51:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cotzl/mary_louise_parker/
---
http://imgur.com/a/FFlEA

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[Other] My 600 lb life
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Mon May 22 11:13:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6col7z/my_600_lb_life/
---
There are many reasons I'm not a very good person, but one is that I like to watch My 600 lb life and while I try to be body positive/ "yay for everybody" IRL, I watch that show to prevent me from eating too much because I never want to let myself get like that.

Even worse is I prefer the episodes where people fail to lose the weight...because I think they motivate me to "be better" than them. I feel like The Worst because I know my weight/size does not make me better than anyone and the fact I think like this actually makes me below others. UGH. I hate that I'm like this.

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[Rant/Rave] A new start.
/u/nikkiethenoot [1.70 m | 62.8 kg | F]
Created: Mon May 22 10:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cogcc/a_new_start/
---
The past year and a half have been restricting for a month or two, and then a binge cycle which would take months too, I've come to my highest weight, 64,5 kg, (I'm now 62,8 kg though.) and honestly, I'm really done with it. I've said it to myself before, but I will keep this promise to myself. I'm gonna restrict again, and this time I won't end up in a binge cycle after a month or two. I know I can do this. I can still lose a bit of weight before summer, and in all the chaos in my life right now I'll finally have some kind of control again. Anyway, if anyone's going through the same thing, you can do it! You'll get to your goal weight eventually and so will I.

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[Other] Who else looks at bad stuff because of their ed?
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Mon May 22 10:00:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6co4c2/who_else_looks_at_bad_stuff_because_of_their_ed/
---
Hope I'm not alone... But whenever I'm feeling hungry I go on FPH or similar subreddits and everyone on there is so mean and cruel. It makes me cry because I'm still technically obese, but it stops me from eating. I know it's wrong but idk I feel like it's important to go on their to remind myself that everyone hates me and will continue to hate me until I lose weight. Everyone thinks people like me shouldn't be allowed to live...

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[Help] Haven't eaten in a week, and just drank a cup of coffee. My guts are screaming and they hurt a bit. So does my chest.
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Mon May 22 09:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6co1p5/havent_eaten_in_a_week_and_just_drank_a_cup_of/
---
Not sure what my body is doing. Help?

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[Rant/Rave] Someone at work asked me if I had been working out!
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Mon May 22 09:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cnxv9/someone_at_work_asked_me_if_i_had_been_working_out/
---
Nope, but I haven't really been eating either ;-)

Thanks bro

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[Rant/Rave] My friends are forcing me to eat
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon May 22 09:28:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cnxa0/my_friends_are_forcing_me_to_eat/
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My friend (Z) is currently doing her GCSEs, and to be a good friend, I'm making sure she eats to do as well as possible on her exams before Ramadan by buying her lunch with my free school meals.

Normally, I buy lunch and pick at the main meal and have half the dessert, or we get two desserts and have one each. I think my friend noticed me not eating as much as normal because she'll say she doesn't like the dessert and insist I have it, and being a person who hates throwing away food (gotta be a good Muslim yo) I obviously finish it.

Today, I ate lunch with a friend in my year after we came back from rowing and I bought a sandwich for Z and grabbed the dessert, which was a cookie, then ate my cookie while waiting for my friend. I finished my cookie and my friend kept insisting I have her cookie and after arguing for a few minutes, I accepted her cookie. If we hadn't been late to lunch, the cookies would have had whipped cream, so I'm complaining, but not as much as if there was cream.

Why are they insisting I eat? Is seeing me lose weight so weird to you? I'm at the highest weight I've ever been, just let me lose in peace.

---

[Discussion] I don't like food anymore?
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Mon May 22 09:20:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cnvkv/i_dont_like_food_anymore/
---
So after 7 months of a restricting-binging cycle and no change whatsoever on the scale, I had enough. I hated myself. I swore to myself that, for the beginning of the next school year, I won't be the fatass I used to be all my life.

And so, I started to alternate between eating 500 calories and fasting every two days, with at least eating at maintenance once a week because I knew I'd binge if I didn't do it. I told myself that I'd keep it up for at least 103 days. There's 95 days left now.

My maintenance day was two days ago. I was so excited for it, I even woke up at 12 o' clock, because it is *technically* the next day, right? Anyways, I woke up and carefully planned what I was going to eat and logged everything before. I have been thinking about this day all week and, when I finally took the first bite...

I felt nothing. Food used to bring me so much happiness but now, it didn't do anything. I don't know why I kept eating though. It felt like a binge, where I just stuff everything in my mouth without even enjoying the food itself, except this time, I wasn't eating like a fucking pig. It had the same feeling though, where the fact that I was eating was way more enjoyable than the food itself.

I know I'm rambling, and I don't know where I'm going with this. It just felt weird that I didn't enjoy eating and that restricting and fasting just feels normal now, and that the act of eating became a luxury to me, as opposed to the food itself. idk man. I don't know how to explain it haha, but I wonder if anybody else knows what I'm talking about

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[Discussion] What was pregnancy like for you?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 09:14:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cnuc7/what_was_pregnancy_like_for_you/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling SO defeated today.
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Mon May 22 08:49:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cnoq4/feeling_so_defeated_today/
---
Couldn't even last one day without a binge / purge / both.

I've been bouncing around the same weight for weeks, I feel like I'll NEVER get there.

Lying here, bloated and ashamed after a huge disgusting manic binge. I just can't stop myself.

Mobile flair: rant

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[Rant/Rave] Bleh another binging rant ignore me
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~55.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Mon May 22 08:02:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cneze/bleh_another_binging_rant_ignore_me/
---
I was so sure I was finally past that shit.

Almost 2 months binge free. Then followed by 3 days heavy binging.

Why is binging actually the worst?

Like yeah I can't sleep when Im restricting but I cant sleep when Im binging either between the hot flashes and nausea. And at least I feel awake when restricting. Binging made me drowsy but I still couldn't sleep.

I'm so exhausted you guys... I don't
know how much more of this I can take.

---

[Rant/Rave] When you wake up in the morning feeling like trash so you make a promise right then and there to get back on track...
/u/flavoredH2O [5'10 | CW 158 BMI 22.5| HW 205 | UGW 129 | F]
Created: Mon May 22 07:36:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cn9vk/when_you_wake_up_in_the_morning_feeling_like/
---
...and then you get to work and there are chocolate samples for you from a rep lmao. Thank god I am determined af on this refreshing monday morning to get my shit together and eat like a human being, not a mindless garbage disposal.






(& since I'm already posting I may as well get this off my chest- I was to the point last night where I decided I wanted to sneak one of my roommates homemade chicken nuggets. I thought she had a ton leftover, but I ended up taking one from one of the lunch salads she made. Cue me accidentally dumping ranch all over the salad, trying to clean it up, and then finding out in the morning that the salad I ruined was actually her boyfriends lunch for the day. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't like ranch. Fuuuuuuuuuck me, I'm a piece of shit)

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 22 06:14:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cmvfy/weekly_stats_update_may_22_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 22, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 22 06:14:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cmvfi/daily_food_diary_may_22_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] Do you have to work out to get rid of skinny fat?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 114.2 | -23.8 | F | G: 109 | UG: 104... 99?]
Created: Mon May 22 06:09:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cmunf/do_you_have_to_work_out_to_get_rid_of_skinny_fat/
---
(topic) if so, what exercises do you recommend?

---

[Rant/Rave] DINNER
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Mon May 22 06:06:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cmu5d/dinner/
---
After the fish wrap, I went by to my usual abandoned building for a drink. Thought I'd skip that and bring a bottle of wine home. So I did.

Ate 3 slides of pizza. Feeling great hohoho. Ran to abandoned building with a newly purchased bottle of beer!

Already drunk, and I needed the room. No toilet to purge into. Found an abandoned doorstep. Went over there. Tiny chunk onto my slippers from the splash.

Set it out to dry as I finished the beer. Flip flop was dried by then, slightly covered in cigarette smoke.

Went home, had another slice, danced around looking for a phone I thought was missing. Turned out to be in my pillowcase.

Purged again. Dropped some whiskey into my cold water.

Goodnight, folks!

---

[Thinspo] ... bones are still there
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 04:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cmi5q/bones_are_still_there/
---
https://i.redd.it/2518f9bt61zy.jpg

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[Help] Exercise and eating, advice needed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 03:00:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cm4pm/exercise_and_eating_advice_needed/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I deleted all my bookmarked recipes
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 22 00:33:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6clmt4/i_deleted_all_my_bookmarked_recipes/
---
[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor] My cravings VS what I should actually be eating.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 23:32:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6clel6/my_cravings_vs_what_i_should_actually_be_eating/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dY5438uRfA

---

[Discussion] What will you let yourself do when you reach your goal weight(s)?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 23:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6clck8/what_will_you_let_yourself_do_when_you_reach_your/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm panicking after confronting weight gain.
/u/strongerthanyouknow [5'5" |145 |24.4 | -12 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 22:16:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cl3if/im_panicking_after_confronting_weight_gain/
---
I have officially gained 30 pounds over my LW. The lowest I have have ever weighed in my life was in October. It took almost four years to get there and now I'm 10 pounds away from my high weight. I'm just so upset.

I have a big conference on Tuesday and don't have any appropriate clothing that fits. I have to run out to Goodwill tomorrow to buy something, anything that I can get my hands on. I'm too stubborn to spend money on something that won't fit in two months. God willing it won't fit in two months.

I'm so so disappointed in my self. The binge eating has lead to acne and alcoholism on top of weight gain. I can't run like I used to. I can feel every inch of fat on my body. The way my stomach touches my bed, little bits of fat on my inner elbow, my glasses rest against the side of my head, my face feels heavier, my boobs are large enough where I can't getaway without wearing a bra, my butt has more of a "shelf". My body distributes weight very evenly so my running shoes don't even fit right anymore. I don't have workout clothes that stop me from feeling like a fat pig.

I've fantasized about cutting open my body and pulling all the fat from underneath my skin.

Any you know what I've done about it? BINGED! It was one of those, "you need to get rid of this food, go ahead and eat it so it'll be gone" and a "this is your last chance to eat, take it!" I ate past it being even remotely enjoyable. The kind of binge where you throw up in your mouth, swallow it down and keep eating.

I'm really dealing with BED, but is my response to go into recovery? Nooo..... I made the mistake of typing my stats into a weight loss calculator. If eat a healthy 1200 calorie diet it will take a year to get to my low weight. There's no way I can wait that long. I don't want to replace my wardrobe. I don't want to be trapped in this disgusting fat prison. So here we go back into restricting mode. I must eat 800 calories a day to return to school at an acceptable weight. Luckily, that calorie number is perfect for a PSMF.

Frankly, I should never eat again but I know that isn't an option. I shouldn't snap into another crash diet but I cannot handle the thought of being this heavy any longer. I hope to gain some control over this by strict meal planning/prep and an exercise schedule to keep me busy. Eventually I'll be able to slip back into fasting too.

Thank you for being here and letting me talk about this. I sure as fuck cannot admit it to anybody IRL. i really appreciate your support. Also if you have any experience with a PSMF please share.

Much <3

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] letting myself feel good today
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sun May 21 22:15:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cl3ai/rave_letting_myself_feel_good_today/
---
I might crash this week, I might cry soon because my life choices are crazy, and I might eventually find out that I am the worst person in the world, but you know what? Fuck it. Today I am letting myself be happy. Let me list out why so I can look at this when I feel like shit (and please feel free to do the same here!) :

1. I had an extremely difficult talk with my boyfriend yesterday, and we were able to work it out. Everything isn't perfect, but it feels like we are a team.

2. We took his son to a baseball game today and it was only as awkward as I expected. (He is a great kid, and I am not pushing him. Baby steps.)

3. I offered to meet his son's mother. She literally physically hid from me instead. Instead of feeling rejected or unwanted or awkward, I just felt *good.* idk if this makes me awful, but it even made me feel a little superior. She knows I'm not intimidated, and I know she *is*. Oops.

4. I made two doctor's appointments I have been putting off for months. Actually allowing myself some real self care is so weird.

5. I have been eating too much this weekend, but I don't completely hate myself for it today. Maybe tomorrow, but Not. Fucking. Today.

Today I am okay.

---

[Rant/Rave] My friend that I work with downloaded a calorie counting app and is now tracking her calories and having tiny lunches
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 21:57:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cl0ey/my_friend_that_i_work_with_downloaded_a_calorie/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] LUNCH
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Sun May 21 21:52:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ckzo9/lunch/
---
Left work, bought an overpriced cocktail and had it on an empty stomach. Didn't do anything, forgot about the tolerance.

Bought a fish wrap, hungry as fuck. Told my friends I had to shit, and they left me alone.

Ran to the toilet, felt like I was gonna cry. Thought hard about the rotten egg I once found so I could purge.

Not even the first time today.

Kind of satisfied actually. Woke up this morning with belt looser than before. One more notch to go.

Started awhile ago at 89kg, now 71kg. Goal is 58kg at 182cm

---

[Rant/Rave] I was my own thinspo today!
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Sun May 21 20:39:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cknnv/i_was_my_own_thinspo_today/
---
I'm still at a weird skinny fat stage and have a long ways to go but like the way I looked today just made me feel awesome, and when I took a picture to send to my boyfriend to show him my outfit, I actually paused and thought "wow I've slimmed down so much!"

It gave me encouragement because I've felt so down on myself lately.

Sorry for the pointless weird braggy post, I just needed to let my happiness out somewhere where people would maybe understand but I wouldn't come off like I was celebrating some weird stupid shallow thing. Idk. Thanks for reading/listening!

---

[Rant/Rave] First Day Eating 1200, no binging and purging so far
/u/d0p3girl
Created: Sun May 21 20:07:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ckihg/first_day_eating_1200_no_binging_and_purging_so/
---
I've been binging and purging for the past three days. It's shitty. I don't even know why. Yesterday, I planned out all of today's food, and I've had 1060. I'm really happy with myself. I don't feel such a strong urge to binge, and I know i'm still under.

---

[Rant/Rave] vodka and boiled eggs: a love story
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 19:49:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ckfj3/vodka_and_boiled_eggs_a_love_story/
---
you know me. it's gonna be a long post but i'm just... idk. i need to story-tell.

in july of 2015 i had a bmi of 17.8. i was in a miserable relationship. he was my best friend but... that was all. i paid our bills. i work 65-70 hour weeks to support him. he couldn't help me with the smallest things. but i was thin so whatever. i dealt.

and then he came along. we'll call him ryan. he started working with me and in the first week, i don't know how to describe it. the entirety of my life made sense. i barely knew him, we were both in very long term relationships (4ish years for me, 6ish years for him), but i just knew my entire life led up to meeting him. but i have bipolar disorder and i was unmedicated at the time so i fought against it because i tend to fall into delusional sort of dreams? i guess you could say? but then it just kept building and i got so frustrated with my relationship - it was like an adult tooth pushing itself against a baby tooth that won't let go and it was so tense and finally it just erupted through the fleshy gum that was my life. i packed up two bags and told him i was leaving and booked a month at an extended stay hotel closer to work. and i drank from 5 pm to 10 pm and texted ryan that i was shitfaced and i was checking into a hotel but couldn't figure out the gps to get there. and i passed out in a parking lot and woke up to ryan knocking on the window. he was on a weekend trip and drove four hours to get me. (side note for the curious: he had broken up with his then-fiance about a week before.)

he took me to the hotel and he stayed with me that night. and i kept expecting him to take off but he never did. i was manic and starving and it wasn't anything. we stayed in the hotel for almost two months and he told me he had a townhouse he was about to start renting and if i wanted, i could come with him. i booked another two weeks in the hotel and told him i forgot that i had booked that far out, i was so nervous and stalling with all i had and i expected him to go move in without me but he didn't. he stayed with me. so i stayed with him and we moved in and in december of 2015 we were married.

it sounds so ridiculous and stupid. who. does. that. and he helped me level out and he helped me get back on meds and he got me to eat again and i had my first genuine stint of recovery. that all fell apart a month or two or three ago but that's beside the point. in august of last year i finally left the place we worked at for too many reasons to count and then a couple months ago we got the opportunity to work together again. we genuinely work so well together professionally. a company paid for us to move to another city to work together at their store.

and ryan has to go to a week of training in a city three hours away. we found out like a week before we even started and i've been trying to be strong about it, trying to brace myself for it a month in advance. this entire weekend i binged with him incessantly because i was so scared and desperate and tonight i'm sleeping alone. for the very first time since that night in july.

my only fucked up silver lining is that i'm too fucking miserable to eat. i don't even know if i consciously made the decision, but it's vodka and boiled eggs and EC stacks and laxatives for the week. i don't know if it's coping or if it's opportunity or what. and this week is going to be so hard at work - he carries probably 45% of our day to day operation and i have to pick up that slack. how can i handle work. how can i handle home. vodka and boiled eggs, that's how.

he's only been gone six hours and i hurt everywhere. i can feel the follicles on my scalp burning, my bones are ice and my throat is filled with glass. it's unhealthy, i know it's so unhealthy but it's been just par the course the entirety of our relationship, we've always been Work Ryan & Bellexy and home ryan & bellexy and it's like two separate pairs of people if that makes sense. but i've always had both of those pairs.

but now i'm paired with vodka and boiled eggs. and until saturday night, that will be where i sink my love.

---

[Rant/Rave] Yeah, so I'm just having a bad day so here's a word dump. *tw*
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 19:45:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ckeqc/yeah_so_im_just_having_a_bad_day_so_heres_a_word/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Lara Flynn Boyle (Donna from Twin Peaks)
/u/swaegge [5'5.5" | 108 | 17.7]
Created: Sun May 21 19:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ckc1w/lara_flynn_boyle_donna_from_twin_peaks/
---
http://imgur.com/2WxPlNc

---

[Rant/Rave] 51 Days
/u/Crapapalouza
Created: Sun May 21 18:28:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ck1kw/51_days/
---
[rant / rave] Sorry I'm on mobile and don't know how to flair it.

Ugh I just realized that if I want to get to 49kg (a BMI of 19.5~) I need to straight up water fast for 51 days. How did I get this fat?? I have 82 days before I leave Japan, I want to buy all the cute clothes while I'm here. I'll also not see my SO for a long time and I want him to finally see me cute. ಥ_ಥ

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like my whole week is literally ruined.
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Sun May 21 18:03:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjwtf/i_feel_like_my_whole_week_is_literally_ruined/
---
I like cheese sticks when I'm on the go because they're filling and tasty. And typically the generic is 40 calories.

I made the mistake of buying the name brand.

Instead of 40 calories, I've been eating 80. And sometimes when especially hungry, 160. I'm thinking about all those times I was sub 300 by dinner time so I could eat something I wanted. How I was never really at sub 300.

sigh.

Edit: and come to think about it, I've actually already eaten a pack. So this is closer to a month of ruinage than a week.

---

[Rant/Rave] It's shark week. Does anyone else's period come at terrible times?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 17:54:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjvg6/its_shark_week_does_anyone_elses_period_come_at/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [Help] Experiences with Sertraline?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sun May 21 17:06:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjmv5/help_experiences_with_sertraline/
---
I've come to wonder whether the antidepressants that I'm on, Sertraline 100mg, are influencing my binge eating. I've always had issues with binge eating but I've never gained weight through it because I'd just fast or restrict the day after, and I ended up maintaining my weight. However in January I was prescribed antidepressants, and not long after that is when the binge eating got really bad. In 2017, I've probably had less than a collective weeks worth of days where I haven't binged, and I've gained ~25lbs and reached a new hw. I hate myself for it and I don't feel in control at all. Obviously it's a really bad idea to just stop taking them, but I'm wondering if I should speak to my doctor about trying a different form of medication. My doctor knows I have an eating disorder though and I'm still at a healthy weight whereas before I was hovering between underweight and healthy weight, so I'm not sure they'd agree to putting me on something that allows me to restrict better. One of the side effects of Sertraline is increased or decreased appetite, so it's plausable that it's having an effect on me. Or it could just be a coincidence. I don't know.

Have any of you ever been on it? What are your experiences? What do you think I should do? (Obviously in regards to that last question, I know that none of you are my doctor, but I just want opinions)

---

[Other] [other] alcohol calories don't count
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Sun May 21 17:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjmo9/other_alcohol_calories_dont_count/
---
Right guys? Right??

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[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I feel like I don't actually have anything wrong
/u/little-paws
Created: Sun May 21 16:48:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjjhf/sometimes_i_feel_like_i_dont_actually_have/
---
I tell myself that I'm just binging because I'm greedy and I don't actually have an eating disorder and it's probably just pretend.

And then I lie awake at night (like right now) counting the calories in one protein shake and a babyel (200) and think about when I'll eat them or if I even will because it'll make me bloat.

Lol why am I like this

---

[Discussion] Coffee, Tea or Nah?
/u/xxpepperbombxx [5'9" | CW:218 | F | Weight lost: 83]
Created: Sun May 21 16:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjfer/coffee_tea_or_nah/
---
Which do you prefer and how do you like to make it? I want to know :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Writing down the truth.... - Long
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 16:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjckr/writing_down_the_truth_long/
---
I shortened the text as I had written down my whole adult life and it was about 8pages...


Ok, so:
I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER.
.. and this is the first time that I write down these words. I write everyday and have diary aswell. I might have mentioned that I am still struggling with old habits, but I have so many, that I could be talking of anything. Three days ago it happened again.... after ages. I kept continuing until today. Enough is enough. This time I decided to accept the fact but not the condition.

I decided to write about it, to work on it. I really need to start healing. I thought that I had solved it. I mean, I have been a lot better. I don't even know how and when it all started. I'll try to get all pieces together. This might be a long one. If you don't want to read all of it, just continue after the line....

All my life I actually always have been quite fit. I had a sporty build, I used to weigh between 51 and 55kg when training with a height of 162cm. I had a happy childhood, I come from a good background socially and intellectually and grew up in Europe where I have followed a higher education.


I never had once thought ahout weight gain in my life... and somehow I kind of missed the moment it happened. Even when people around me were discussing their diets, I always said how lucky I was that I at least didn't have to worry about this, too.
I went to buy a pair of pants and needed a size 42 instead of a very comfortable 36. I should have understood. I usually never look at myself in changing rooms, as it's well known that you always look shit in those terrible lights, naked, so I just put on the pants, they fit. The girl in the shop assured me, that this brand did have incredibly small sizes, I believed her. She was right for one part and chubby herself.

One day I walked past a window and saw something moving and told myself, who is this big butt belonging to. I looked a little closer and realised, that I was gazing at my own reflection. Had I just mistaken my butt for another person? It's the first time I realised, that I had gotten quite a load bigger. I went to a mall and to the restroom. I looked at myself closely. I said before, I always had a high self esteem, but then I saw my stretchy pants and suddenly also understood my big breast size. I had not realised all of this because I was in love and loved back and because I had always taken care of myself. Now I was like an out of shape Bellucci. my image somehow shattered. This was not the me I saw when I when I expressed myself, it was not the body I felt around me. This was too mediocre...

Now I saw the "true" me... my arms. I had fat arms now. In my life I had never had fat arms. Muscles, yes, but not fat. I saw lethargy and phlegm. I bought a scale. At that point I think I was weighing about 68kg. I always told everybody the story of my dog who was heavier than me... Well that wasn't even true anymore. I had surpassed her by 8kg. All I thought was, fat arms, nearly 70kg. From about 5o to nearly 70kg. Yes. Now I saw those 20kg. 58 ok. Maybe 60. But not fucking 7...0?

I had to lose weight. So I started watching my intake. During that time I also started being severely pissed off with my job. It was terrible. So I quit. And hey. I started losing. I still cooked often. Still ate more than bf and most other people but lost the weight. Then I don't really know what happened. I don't really know, what triggered the vomiting. I just know, that as I was home alone a lot, I sometimes hung around. Binged and fell sick. Vomited... first not really on purpose I think. Then yes. Like hitting two birds with one stone. Eating but not taking the weight.
Whilst I was looking for a job, I also had time to elaborate my cooking. It was great. I sometimes surprised bf with pick nicks, went home and ate some more.

I have never been a hardcore bulimic. It's not that I vomited everyday for years or even months. Only when I overate. It might have happened, that I was vomiting everyday for two weeks, but then I didn't feel the urge anymore. I also never enjoyed it. I just very much enjoyed the food. Thing is, I never bought shit quality just to binge. I never went to Mc Donalds or that kinds. I love(d) the food, I love good quality products. I ate things I really liked... and then vomited. I wasted food. From all the things, this was always the worst for me. It's not even my sanity, it's the fact that I technically threw away food, whilst some of the meat was an animal who died just so I could eat and vomit it. It went against everything I believe... that other people die of hunger, and I just vomit to stay thin. How fucked up is that? First world, sick world.

On the weekends we often went out and partied. I believe, that I have done all drugs at one point with only some hardcore ecceptions, like heroin for example. Before working full-time I mostly did coke. Probably working normally and stopping nightlife made me fat as well. Then I met my psychatrist, as I would call my new dealer. He had choice, good prices and I liked hanging out at his place on Friday's until meeting my love. I mostly bought speed and mdma. First I bought 2 or 3grams for myself and got some for friends as well. Then I augmented. In the end I sometimes went home with 20gr and consumed 5gr a weekend. I puked less and sniffed more again. My body looked great. From all the dancing I had great muscles, was lean. I was really beautiful, wherever I went, I was being noticed. I also always wore nice dresses, had nice shoes. I had class. But I didnt tell my bf that I was talking drugs daily now.

With the money problems though, i was mentally in a bad state, the constant speed, the secrets.... things got bad. I quit my job again. Decided to go back and study. Bf and I were fighting a lot. But for me it was all or nothing. Right? For him it wasn't anymore. One day he just walked off. It wasn't that bad of a situation actually, but it was final. my world shattered....not that day. That day i first went from one party to the other. But it shattered two days later. When he said he wouldn't come back and stay at his sister's. This day I died a little... this dying went on and on. To be honest though? whilst a part was dying in me another part was starting to live gain. I had been in relationships 10years of my life now. I was 26 by now.

It was the most terrible year of my life and also one of the best. I suffered... I didn't eat. I cooked for all of them. All my friends, aquaintances... All their birthday's, parties, vernissages - but I only drank, took drugs and partied. I was at 48kg. But not because I wanted to. I just was terribly lovesick. I met a lot of great people though, made tons of experiences and then I decided it was time to leave. It was planned since the separation, but I didn't get to the point to really let go. I always wanted to and travel. I hated this city as such. Also, I still had this on and off with P. I even got pregnant and aborted. Quit another job. Two years had passed. I slowly took weight again. Lived with friends. Reached 56kg. Didn't have money for speed anymore. So I sometimes vomited again, to not gain weight from my weed binges. I then lived in a friend's living room. I was at a low. The lowest point in my life, after the unwanted abortion.

But I then managed to leave. Took my backpack and left.
The irony is yet to be exposed. Whilst travelling I changed. For the good. I got a lot wiser. I had some issues the first three months, as I started eating again but also was still suffering from my past. I lived in the mountains and pastored. I didn't want to gain weight. I puked.

Then I went to another place. I had stopped smoking first and then I had tried to live healthier. I stopped vomiting. Took some weight first, but I controlled myself. Then I started losing again.

Changed place again. Woke up everyday at five because I worked as a pastor and as a cook. Stopped working at 22:00 earliest. I made some pilates exercises and got quite lean, even though I was probably heavier than before. I was quite muscular and looked good but since the abortion I hadn't had my period and also the acne I never had had before being 26, didn't go away. It depressed me, that I felt better inside, but that my face had lost all of its appeal.

Then I continued. Worked in a restaurant with another huge fat cook. He eats whatever whenever. Good guy. Unhappy.
Huge portions. I took weight. Met old friends during that time. Whilst all were on drugs in the pool, I was wearing long pants and a big black t-shirt.... they only knew me as the skinny one. I felt uncomfortable.

I was with my bicycle mostly. I had stopped smoking cigs, but started again. Tried jogging. Maybe purged once.

Travelled on and purged twice there in four months, because of having eaten too many fried foods. It wasn't even so much of a purge... I just had overeaten and vomited. Even though I had taken some weight again, I tried to control myself and not get myself to vomit. I also started taking the pill again, as I thought my pimples could be hormonal. It helped. I started feeling more beautiful again. I made a cleanse fast... detox. Healthy. I lost a little weight. Then I changed country....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is when my life really started. I started my projects, started having some kind of impact. It felt good, I felt really lucky and happy. Psychologically, physically. I had lost all my weight, was back on a steady and healthy 51. My skin was glowing, my mood was good, I burst with energy. I stopped restricting as much as I stopped forcing myself. I just ate when I was really feeling like it. Not counting calories, not eating on strict schedules. One some days I ate a 7 course meal and on other days I didn't eat at all. I listened to my hunger and my pleasure. I was conscious and that's what I started propagating. I have turned out to be a professional cook, I am a environmental activist, I am one of the faces of an important movement and also founder of an own organisation. I have been happy as fuck and healthy, living a life most people would love to have.... for the fact that I am living my dream. I eat mostly plant-based, but support sustainable farmers. I eat dairy and meat and eggs, when the quality is right. I don't restrict. I listen to my heart. And still.... something happened. I did something I know now, triggers my "bad behaviour". I ate to the point that I was feeling stuffed. It was really good food. no fast food. it was quality. I vomited. all of it.

I am alone at the moment in another country again working on a book. I didn't have a choice, and quickly went to the only shop here. A supermarket. I usually try to avoid them. I boycott supermarkets and will only buy the most necessary in plants. I haven't bought animal products at one in ages. I don't support it and I never had to. I really don't know what happened. I spent more than 60Euro on food... Cheese, crackers, mayo, sausage, tuna, pastries, pickles, fajitas, cookies. Junk. I went home and cooked. I always cooked my binges and try to make good food.... but still. This is terribly wrong. Nobody can know. Nobody must know. I have something to lose. It goes against everything I believe and fight for, against everything I have become. I fight against unsustainability, fight against waste, industry and mass-production... against bingeing. I even mention it so often. That we humans eat too much. But I, myself am a bulimic. Anorexia would pass, but I can't be a bulimic.... (I understand if not all of you find this funny... believe me, I don't either. But making jokes, keeps me from going totally crazy)

I think that by writing all this down, I am making a step towards change... a step against my own silence. Even if no one around me will ever find out, I wrote it all down and maybe one person will read it and know that there is me, trying to recover. Me that finally accepted to give my sickness a name and not just carry it with me anonymously.

I thought I had recovered completely, but there is still always something simmering deep down in me... I need to accept the fact that it's there...

I took the decision, because I read a story about an anorexic cook (http://www.xojane.com/issues/im-a-chef-and-i-have-an-eating-disorder ) and I was very impressed. Just now I also found an article from Frank Bruni, (from his book 'Born round': https://mobile.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/magazine/19bruni-t.html?_r=0&pagewanted=all&referer)
So, I realise I'm not alone.
I love my job, I love my mission and I care. I want to change.

ps. so what I did today? I punished my demon. I binged, but I didn't let myself vomit. I let myself feel the pain of overeating. I let myself suffer now, to keep me from suffering again and again.

Maybe I will just stop eating for a while...

---

[Rant/Rave] Ugh i binged all weekend. Anyone else?
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Sun May 21 16:03:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cjb7v/ugh_i_binged_all_weekend_anyone_else/
---
I was 5 pounds away from my lowest weight and of course this weekend i binged it all away :(.

Update: Just got my period so that explains why i keep binging.

---

Will I be thin?
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Sun May 21 15:48:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cj841/will_i_be_thin/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Update! (Rave)
/u/ehhhhnoo [5'5"|165|27.5|-88|F]
Created: Sun May 21 15:46:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cj7s8/update_rave/
---
Haven't been able to get online and update my flair, but I'm not longer overweight, hit the top of my healthy weight range! On a high lately from attention(even though I usually claim to hate attention, I've been really enjoying flirting lately and getting compliments about my weight) & been restricting with no problems at all! Even cut back on my drinking and primatene and smoking! Just wabted to check in and share my good mood with all of you wonderful people!

How are all of you doing today?


Edit: so this was5 hours ago.. Five hours ago I felt so great and good about myself, and now I just passed in front of a mirror and thought"wow I'm still huuuuuge" why? And which thought/image is real??

---

[Tip] What's everyone's favorite type/brand/flavor of gum?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sun May 21 15:35:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cj5n0/whats_everyones_favorite_typebrandflavor_of_gum/
---
Kinda weird I know but I realized that my problem is I need to be tasting something or chewing on something when I'm bored. What's everyone's favorite gum that distracts them?

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[Discussion] Scale complications, recommendations or could it still be accurate?
/u/SmaharbaShe
Created: Sun May 21 15:10:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cj0sv/scale_complications_recommendations_or_could_it/
---
It always reads the exact same to the decimal, after peeing, after eating..I thought for sure after having a salad with avacado and carbs it would show a different number. Maybe not?

Recently I took painkiller, so barely ate anything. Was really dissapointed when it showed no weight loss..I attributed this to bloating or water retention caused by the drug. I should've at least lost something tho.

The battery does not say it's dying. The scale used to work great.

Could it still be working and I actually am that weight?
Any scale recommendations?

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[Rant/Rave] Instead b/p-ing, I have decided to just put my cash in the garbage disposal.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 14:54:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cixmg/instead_bping_i_have_decided_to_just_put_my_cash/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE watch America's Next Top Model for thinspo??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 14:44:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6civff/dae_watch_americas_next_top_model_for_thinspo/
---
bc that's me currently

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[Rant/Rave] I've been stress eating so much these days, because of exams.
/u/GingerStark [5'9.3" | 20.2 | CW : 138 | GW : 120 | UGW : 110 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 14:18:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ciq94/ive_been_stress_eating_so_much_these_days_because/
---
Please kill me now :')

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[Rant/Rave] Can anyone else not stomach the romance genre because they can't imagine being loved like that
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 13:54:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cildp/can_anyone_else_not_stomach_the_romance_genre/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Fit back into my first pair of "goal" jeans!
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Sun May 21 13:52:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cil3h/fit_back_into_my_first_pair_of_goal_jeans/
---
They're a size 2 Express "Girlfriend" style jean.

They fit more snugly instead of the looser boyfriend style BUT it's the same way they fit me when I first got them! They're loose in the waist so that's exciting.

Of course I did buy them last year in ~September after I had gained some weight. So they're bigger than my typical size 2 (I think Express may do vanity sizing) But I stopped being able to wear them in January so fitting into them now shows me I'm on the right track!

Helps me stick to my restriction to keep reaching these non-scale victories.

---

[Rant/Rave] Balancing act [rant]
/u/wickedaddicted
Created: Sun May 21 13:40:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ciij5/balancing_act_rant/
---
So I'm in the middle of final exam period now, and that means school is ending soon too. There's a guy that I have a crush on that I think maybe likes me too, but he also talks to this other girl I know. I want to restrict more so I can be more confident and attractive and maybe get something to happen between us before school ends? But I can't restrict too much because I really need to study and get good grades and I can't have brain fog, also I'm feeling sick so I want to recover asap. But obviously I still want to lose more for summer and for this boy.

So in favor of restricting: boy, summer, my mental health. In favor of eating: grades, physical health. I just don't know what to do and even if I come up with a good solution who knows if I can stick with it cause God knows I don't control myself around food anyways. Today I told myself I was going to eat at maintenance, but I drank sf Redbulls and coffee all day and then binged on focaccia at like 9pm, and I feel so guilty because if I was gonna eat calories anyways why didn't I "use" them on fruits and veggies to actually give my body nutrients to fight illness. =/ Also I started my period like an hour ago so that's always fun lol

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[Meme/Humor] The first 80 degree day all year aka this pint of Halo Top for breakfast lunch and dinner. Yay summer bod season
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sun May 21 13:16:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cidms/the_first_80_degree_day_all_year_aka_this_pint_of/
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https://i.redd.it/p3vc59f5lwyy.jpg

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[Other] The first 80 degree day all year aka third pint of Halo Top for breakfast lunch and dinner
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 13:12:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cicv0/the_first_80_degree_day_all_year_aka_third_pint/
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https://i.redd.it/wgi353phkwyy.jpg

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Hello breakfast lunch and dinner, thanks for keeping today a 240 calorie day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 13:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cicil/hello_breakfast_lunch_and_dinner_thanks_for/
---
https://i.redd.it/ymw80fa7kwyy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I think someone mentioned this the other day, but...
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:108lbs | BMI:17.4| weight lost:30lb | gender:F]
Created: Sun May 21 12:53:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ci8ph/i_think_someone_mentioned_this_the_other_day_but/
---
I have never felt so powerless over my appearance. I have a 5 1/2 year old, and when i was pregnant I gained way too much weight; about sixty pounds. My body is so beyond broken. The loose skin on my stomach is ridiculous and will never get better (in fact it will just get worse if I lose weight). I have always had very small breasts (except when I was pregnant and nursing), and now they are pretty much gone. But they can't even be all the way gone. I still have to have these empty sacks with nipples on my chest. This morning my boyfriend leaned on the loose skin and pinned it to the fucking mattress. When i sit down, my thighs puff out like wings, and i have loose skin on the top inside of my thighs, making them touch and look fat no matter what I fucking do. I've been having anxiety attacks about being ugly for this whole last week. I'm underweight apparently but I don't look it; not to anyone, not to me. I'm so sorry for all of this bullshit. I cannot talk to anyone irl about how I feel about pretty much anything if it's negative. What do I do? What do I do.

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[Other] This sub is becoming increasingly accepting and supporting of recovery. I love it.
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 90.2lbs/40.9kgs | 16.04 | -20lbs | GW: recovery | F]
Created: Sun May 21 12:40:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ci61s/this_sub_is_becoming_increasingly_accepting_and/
---
Before I start, there's a ton of appreciation posts recently and I'm sorry if it's getting old. I don't care about internetpoints, just want to say a long overdue thank you.


I've been on this sub for a pretty long time (a bit over 1,5 years probably, under multiple different accounts). It's always been different than the other pro-ed communities, but I feel like the more it's grown, the less it's been... pro-ed. I feel like everyone accepts that these disorders is unsustainable, but this is the only place we can talk about how _good_ they can feel. I can't think of any place I can talk about how much I want to lose weight without being told to shut up and eat something. EDs can make you feel completely ridiculous and every single *oh shit I do that too* helps to combat that.


I also love how we can talk about both the good and the bad here. Like, "My hair is falling out, I don't get periods anymore and I constantly feel like I'm about to die. Who else _loves_ watermelon." And it's not even out of the fucking ordinary. It's awesome.


Mostly though, as a serial "I swear I'm gonna recover for real this time. Ah fuck my thighs look fat, nevermind hi I'm back" person, people don't fucking mind here. It's not like an exclusive little club like a lot of other forums, where you have to accept ana as your goddess and only eat ice cubes and sadness. And if you even _dare_ try to recover, you're dead to them. We're all fucked up here and that's the only requirement. It's a support group for fellow fucked up people. If someone fails to recover, it's just "sorry things didn't work out for you friend, welcome back we have ricecakes".
I can't express how much I appreciate that. I'm planning to recover soon (no really for real this time seriously) and need to gain 20+ lbs. I know it's gonna be hard and I know this place is still gonna be there no matter what. That's comforting as fuck.

I'm getting off track here. My point was going to be that this place has grown fivefold since I've joined, and although I miss the small familylike community feeling sometimes, it's only become nicer and more accepting. Thank you to every single person who has helped it be this way, especially to the people who keep reminding the community that recovery is still an option (and longterm, the best one). Have a good day everyone, remember you are loved no matter how you did today <3.













lol that was gay af sorry

---

[Thinspo] I just started watching Code Geass and fuck everyone is so skinny. I know it's animated but...mmmph.
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sun May 21 12:14:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ci0mk/i_just_started_watching_code_geass_and_fuck/
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http://imgur.com/a/n1VPo

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[Rant/Rave] my job, my weight, and my fiance
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 12:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6chzd6/my_job_my_weight_and_my_fiance/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Sun May 21 12:07:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6chz3s/i_was_doing_so_well/
---
(Disclaimer: recovery-oriented post. I respect anyone's decision *not* to recover, just putting this in case these posts are triggering for anyone)

Yesterday I had three normalish sized meals and I even had peanut butter in my breakfast oats which is a huge fear food for me. I was so proud of myself and I felt like it was a huge step in recovery.

But today I manipulated breakfast to make it as low-cal as possible (I couldn't skip because my mom was making sure I had *something*) and now at lunch I had NONE of what my family had. It wasn't even unhealthy! It was baked vegetables and lean beef. I just couldn't eat the vegetables because they looked too good and I would have enjoyed them too much, plus they had some olive oil on them, and I only had like six tiny bites of beef.

My mom let me have fruit instead, half each an apple & pear plus she made me add a banana and chocolate almond milk, and I can't even finish the damn banana or milk. And the milk is SO GOOD but anorexia won't let me have anything I enjoy. I want to go walk as much of it off as I can now even though it's just fruit.

Like WHAT THE FUCK, I had those ED voices beat down all of yesterday but now suddenly they're back with a vengeance. Now that I think about it, I only managed the peanut butter yesterday because I ran 10k that morning and lunch and dinner were both super low-cal, especially dinner. And I didn't even have the full portion of dinner.

Gosh darn it guys why is recovery so hard?? Why do I feel so guilty over fruit and why do I hate feeling satisfied after a meal so much. It's like taking one step forward and then running 10k backward. I would say tomorrow will be better, but my meal schedule will be different than usual so I'll probably skip breakfast even though I know I shouldn't. Same goes for the rest of this week.

I just hope I don't sabotage myself by letting my ED take over during exams. Hopefully by then I'll have my act together.

---

[Intro] Hey! I'm new here
/u/Lbvlammlv [5'2| CW 105.9| GW 98lbs| 24F]
Created: Sun May 21 11:48:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6chvd6/hey_im_new_here/
---


Hey, I'm new to posting here! I've been lurking for a few months though lol. So I guess I'll do a little intro! I developed BED from my pregnancy over 4 years ago. I have always had disordered eating and didn't realize it. I used to stop myself from eating in junior high and high school so my "stomach wouldn't be bloated". And stayed around 98-102lbs, but I got up to 160 during my pregnancy. I lost some of it after having my child and through extended breastfeeding. He started weaning, but I kept "eating for 2" and started stress eating while I was working a stressful job. I gained more weight back. My husband and I started a Keto diet last year, and while I lost weight, I was at a stall. I was so upset about my stall that I started full blown binging again, and gained most of the weight back. I started Keto again but it was different this time. I had days where I binged and days where I stopped myself from eating. I also have hypoglycemia, and a toddler so it really takes a toll on me when I don't eat but I always feel like I need to, to make up for my binge days, and can't stop myself. I decided to stop Keto and just work on self control.
From Keto and then restricting I have started to get back to my normal weight, but it is so hard. I stopped myself from binging once yesterday and just finished the binge last night and doubled my planned calories. I am hoping that posting here might help. You are all so supportive of one another here :) I also have really bad anxiety that I've never taken medicine for, so I don't have many friends or go out ever and can stay at home for weeks if I can get away with it, so I feel like maybe being social might help. Thanks!

Also sorry this ended up so long. If anyone takes the time to read this, thank you lol.

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[Discussion] anyone else worry about their bodies giving out before they hit their goal weights
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 11:29:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6chrka/anyone_else_worry_about_their_bodies_giving_out/
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[removed]

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[Meme/Humor] Was watching 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' and thought of you guys...
/u/tolerable_photoshop [5'7| CW 127| GW 118 | 20 | 18lbs lost | F]
Created: Sun May 21 10:32:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6chg50/was_watching_its_always_sunny_in_philadelphia_and/
---
http://imgur.com/a/oUccz

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[Rant/Rave] Instead of binging on Taco Bell, I made a homemade taco salad that came out to around 600 calories instead of the expected 3,000 calories that I would've ordered at Taco Bell
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | GW: 120 | -15 | F20]
Created: Sun May 21 09:46:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ch72o/instead_of_binging_on_taco_bell_i_made_a_homemade/
---
My scale and my wallet are happy.

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[Discussion] Who else gets weight gain on their period, instead of the days before?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sun May 21 09:35:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ch4x5/who_else_gets_weight_gain_on_their_period_instead/
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A lot of what I see online says that the water weight gain and bloat that comes along with periods is mostly premenstrual, and subside once the period actually starts.

Mine is like oh, are you bleeding now? BAM here's an extra three pounds.

Does this happen to anyone else or am I a freak of nature?

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[Other] After a month of thinking I could "eat intuitively" (tm) I'm at my highest weight in a year and my ED has washed allll through me again. [other]
/u/goddamnroommate [literally a whale]
Created: Sun May 21 09:27:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ch3c9/after_a_month_of_thinking_i_could_eat_intuitively/
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https://i.redd.it/v0n7r6xdgvyy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Can I just rant about my fiancé for a bit...
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 08:37:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgty4/can_i_just_rant_about_my_fiancé_for_a_bit/
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He is tall, athletic, and slim. Thinner than the current muscular ideal but absolutely perfect in my eyes. Because he is so tall, he can eat a lot and he doesn't care about his weight or body.

He knows that I struggle a lot with eating and my weight. Today we were talking about fat-shaming and body-shaming and I said something along the lines of "Skinny shaming sucks, but I'm personally not hurt if someone calls me too skinny". To which he responded "Yeah but you are not THAT skinny."

Or when I complained to him that my bones hurt when laying down on the floor because I had no yoga mat. He just said "You are not that bony, it's not that bad."

We watched stranger things together and when I pointed out how seriously skinny one actress was he was like she's not too thin, she looks great.

I know he doesn't want to hurt or trigger me. He is a very kind and considerate guy. But he is so fucking clueless and all I want to hear is "You are getting so thin, I'm worried about you" or even just him asking whether I'm *okay*. :( I also hate that he seems to think that this is a perfectly healthy and attractive body. I was 110 lbs when we met and starved down to 90 lbs and he liked me at my thinnest. I mean I don't want him to NOT be attracted to me when I'm thin, but shouldn't he be able to see that this is very unhealthy? Jesus, I don't even know what I want anymore.

Sorry for ranting, I just had to get this off my chest.

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[Rant/Rave] Avoiding a binge in the kitchen!
/u/bed_warrior [5'10" | 277.4 | 38.70 | -55.6lbs | F 27]
Created: Sun May 21 08:32:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgt6c/avoiding_a_binge_in_the_kitchen/
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Hey guys/gals. I knew this morning when I woke up that it was going to be a tough day for me. I've already been grazing/impulsively eating on lots of little stuff. If I don't reign it in now, I know that I will go completely off track. So what to do?

It's a really cold, rainy and miserable day outside. I just want to hide in bed and ignore the world. But... I decided on something else.

**CLEAN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!**

I'm going to reorganize all my containers, wash everything, sort out the food and make everything look nice. That way I can focus on something else and be productive at the same time. Clutter really upsets my depression, and depression makes me not want to clean. So, I've going to force myself RIGHT NOW to clean up the damn kitchen.

*wish me luck*

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[Other] Food is unsatisfying
/u/Vanillacoke0 [5'9" | 153 | 22.9 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 08:14:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgq0d/food_is_unsatisfying/
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Hey!

I do long distance runs 3/4 times a week and allow myself to have a high protein meals afterwards to let my muscles recover, and because if I feel too tired/achey to run I just end up binging aload anyway, so may aswell control it as best I can!

However the last couple of days the food has just been so unsatisfying.

I just eat and thinking it's such a waste, I'm not even enjoying this meal (meals that I usually love to eat)

Even this morning I had poached eggs on toast (I never normally have bread)

And it was just eh.

Felt like purging it but knew the bread would had been hell to bring up so just went for a walk instead.


Does anyone else get this feeling atall?

<3

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[Help] After a successful week, I want a bag of candy - Talk me out of it!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 08:06:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgoos/after_a_successful_week_i_want_a_bag_of_candy/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] How much does your own weight fluctuate in a day?
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Sun May 21 08:04:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgoao/how_much_does_your_own_weight_fluctuate_in_a_day/
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I know weight fluctuates massively throughout the day because of water, sodium, food, clothes and so on. Just curious how much your own weight fluctuates.

I didn't like my weight this morning so I checked it again which of course was silly, and I've put on 3 pounds in the course of 2 hours. All I've eaten is some toast but I've drank quite a lot haha. I've known my weight to be up by as much as 7lbs before in just one day. Our bodies are amazingly weird.

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[Help] Scale help???
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Sun May 21 07:56:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgn0g/scale_help/
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Ok, so I have a homedics sc-411 scale. I have been using the same one since I started trying to lose weight, in the same spot on the same flat and level ground. Yesterday I weighed in at 137 pounds.

Today I decided to clean it, and once I did, it moved down to 134. I got so excited! I decided to wipe down where the battery goes, and once I put the battery back in, I weighed in at 124? What?? There is no way.

I tried to look up the manual online and find out how to calibrate it, but the manual is nowhere to be found. And now it is saying 136.

How do I know what to believe?

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[Discussion] DAE feel like if no one saw you eat something it was a waste?
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sun May 21 07:49:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgm1m/dae_feel_like_if_no_one_saw_you_eat_something_it/
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Like sometimes I'll eat food and then later when I'm in front of people regret eating it because they didn't see me and therefore it "doesn't count". Like people have to see me eating food in order for it to be worth it, kinda like if a tree falls in the forest situation.

Anyone else or just me?

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[Other] I. Want. To. Get. Better.
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 111.8 | 22.06 | -72 | F 🌸]
Created: Sun May 21 07:39:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgkfq/i_want_to_get_better/
---
I am so tired of this nasty voice in my head telling me that everyone hates me. I am tired of being told how much I suck at life and how much of a failure I am. I don't get pleasure from anything anymore. Nothing makes me happy, everything feels grey. My chest hurts. Every time I stand up I see black spots. I am not even underweight but I have been restricting for months straight, and on and off for years before that. I am not okay. This is not a sustainable lifestyle. I cannot go on. This disordered eating may not be the root of my anxieties but it is a catalyst. I still want to lose weight but I am going to do it slowly. I am going to take care of myself.

I got super duper drunk last night and told my fiancé about my chest pains and how I've barely been eating lately. I told him about how I was referred for more medication and intensive trauma therapy.

Last night while I was drunk, I felt really happy and normal for the first time in a long time. Ironically, my drunken thoughts gave me some clarity. I don't know if this is goodbye, but I may be headed in that direction. This sub and everyone in it is fantastic, and y'all are so kind and sweet, thank you ❤️

TL;DR: I got drunk and wrote some stuff. You guys don't have to read it, I just needed to get it all out of my head. Please excuse my ramblings 😬

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[Discussion] [discussion] I've got a type?
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Sun May 21 07:30:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgj64/discussion_ive_got_a_type/
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Normally, when I crush on dudes, they are generally in shape. Tall short, whatever. Don't have to be super fit, but overweight or large didn't get me going.

The last three dudes I've crushed on are all taller than me, and on the heavy side. My brain is saying, "he is big, that must make you small. We want small, yes?" I feel like I "fit", there's a space for me. If that makes any sense.


I haven't gotten physical with any of them, so I'm not sure if this is just a "from far away" you're attractive. Idk, it's just a funny new development in my life. I'm not sure if it's because of my ED, but has anyone else ever had this happen?
Flair: discussion

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[Goal] Trying something new
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sun May 21 07:26:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cgiir/trying_something_new/
---
I've been having a really hard time with binging lately. I feel like I don't even realize it happened until I'm laying sick.

I've decided to start writing down what I'm going to eat, drawing the food, and the calorie before I eat it. I think it will help me more than logging because I really have to think about what is going inside me. It will slow me down and make me examine my food intake.

I'll be able to picture it, imagine the smell and taste before I make the trip.

I this will help me also decide if it's worth it. To write, draw, and label every grape and cake. I'll slow myself down and remember every bite.

Wish me luck!

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I'm crushing hard
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 07:18:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cghaw/im_crushing_hard/
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[deleted]

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Restricting really pays off (still have a lot of work to do)
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Sun May 21 06:23:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg9gd/restricting_really_pays_off_still_have_a_lot_of/
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https://i.redd.it/h9le60mkjuyy.png

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[Rant/Rave] I almost got beat up by a homeless man last night, but it actually made my night... (RAVE)
/u/yaboyspissed
Created: Sun May 21 06:20:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg91j/i_almost_got_beat_up_by_a_homeless_man_last_night/
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Some backstory: I work nights downtown in the city, so lots of homeless/drug addicts/trashy people on my walk home from work.

Now to the story! Immediately after I left work there was a homeless man outside and he asked me for $10 which I honestly did not have. He then said he was gonna beat someone up. Then he asked me to buy him smokes than, which I legally cannot do. So he said he was gonna punch me in the face and clenched his fist. I was pretty sure he was legit and was getting a lil scared so I gave him my tip of the night (about $3 😢we seldom get tips 😭). He was pretty happy about that so he asked me for a hug and RIGHT when he hugged me he said "you're a skinny ass motherfucker dude". NGL MADE MY LIFE!!! I was feeling a tad bit binge-y but that made me lose my appetite. Thank you mr homeless man 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 21 06:11:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg7v0/daily_food_diary_may_21_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 21 06:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg7qt/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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[Meme/Humor] I can relate to Lois
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 06:01:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg6lg/i_can_relate_to_lois/
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https://i.redd.it/0ccy6s9nfuyy.jpg

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[Help] Which reduced calorie sweeteners complement salad dressing well?
/u/apidose_pile
Created: Sun May 21 05:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg1lc/which_reduced_calorie_sweeteners_complement_salad/
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I'm making some Japanese style dressings that simply taste wrong without a little added sweetness. I already have practically every type of sweetener in my pantry already.

Thanks lovelies <3

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[Help] This is kind of irrelevant but I just need a bit of support
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 05:12:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cg0n6/this_is_kind_of_irrelevant_but_i_just_need_a_bit/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Basic first aid for yourself
/u/whatisthisshow2002 [5'2" |48kg|19| 6kg | F]
Created: Sun May 21 04:54:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfylq/basic_first_aid_for_yourself/
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Fasting is risky. So is binging and purging. And as a result, there's a good chance that you'll face a couple health problems if you partake in either. And as someone who's ended up passing out onto an old lady on the tram, I sort of thought it might be a good idea to put some basic first aid here, because I really want you guys to stay safe and stuff. Disclaimer, not a doctor but an ambulance volunteer kid.

**1. Fainting**

Fainting can be caused by dehydration, hypoglycemia and low blood pressure, which can be brought on by fasting and purging. If you're fainting quite a bit, might wanna check things out with a doctor to see if there isn't an underlying cause.

So pretty much, if you're feeling dizzy, get down on the floor. If you're on public transport, get off. You'll usually have a warning (for me, I get nauseous and I know I have 3-5 minutes). Lie down, and lift your legs in the air if possible. This gets blood to your head. If you're with a friend who's dizzy, lie them down and stick their legs in the air. When you/they are not dizzy, slowly sit up. If you/they get dizzy, just lie down again.

If a friend is out cold, [put them in the recovery position] (http://bb.nuthallmethodistchurch.org.uk/expocd/first_aid/images/recovery_position.jpg) and call an ambulance. Same goes for confusion, or if they hit their head. If you suspect a spinal injury, don't move them. The ambos won't care about your ED, promise.

**2. Panic attacks**

I know this isn't ED-specific, but a lot of people I know with EDs also have anxiety/panic disorder, and it helps to get this under control as well. First, if something is triggering the attack, make sure to remove yourself or the patient from the trigger if you can. I find breathing slowly for three counts in and three out helps, but some people may find that looking at calming images or relaxing muscles helps.

If you have medication, you might wanna take some now. Just don't take more than the recommended dose. If it's another person who's panicking, try and reassure them, and attempt to stay calm while doing this. Asthma attacks can often masquerade as panic attacks, or the two can happen together, so if you or the patient have asthma, you might wanna get out an inhaler. When using inhalers, give the patient one pump, let them have five breaths, then another pump then another five breaths, which you repeat for five cycles. Then wait five minutes. If it doesn't get better and you think it's an asthma attack, it's ambo time.

**3. Irregular heartbeat**

Okay, if your heartbeat's going super slow or super fast, this can be a medical emergency. Take your own pulse by palpating the side of your wrist under your thumb for a minute. The amount of beats per minute should be above 60 and below 100. If it's below 60 or above 100 and this isn't normal for you, seek medical attention. I wouldn't recommend driving yourself to the hospital/doctor just in case.

**4. Self harm**

I know self harm isn't necessarily related to EDs, but I know a lot of people who have both and I thought I might as well stick this here. If you've cut yourself, first thing you need to do is look at the damage.

***If you see blood that is bright red and/or pumping out, call an ambulance. You have cut an artery and are at a high risk of bleeding out. Put direct pressure on the cut.***


If blood is oozing/trickling, you may have cut a vein, nerve or tendon but it could also be alright. Wash the wound and dress it, applying pressure. Elevate the limb. If bleeding doesn't stop after 5 minutes, go to the ER.

Sorry for the post, thought I might just put this out there. Stay safe, guys!

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[Rant/Rave] Woow alcohol bloat is so mean
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Sun May 21 04:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfxt2/woow_alcohol_bloat_is_so_mean/
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Yesterday was another day of having a calorie deficit of 1500. The only difference being is I had a bottle of beer yesterday (a whole 250 of my calories!).

Now I've gone up half a pound. from ONE BOTTLE. Boooo wtf that's just mean. Anyone else suffering from alcohol bloat today? Haha (people don't weigh yourselves on a Sunday morning like I did. That's just being mean to yourselves)

(I know it's temporary just grrr didn't expect a single bottle to show that much water retention etc. on the scales)

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[Rant/Rave] Just Happy I'm Losing
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 04:25:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfven/just_happy_im_losing/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anyone have a goal size they want to fit?
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Sun May 21 02:25:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfj5l/does_anyone_have_a_goal_size_they_want_to_fit/
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What is everyone else's goal size? I know some people like to buy smaller clothing as weight loss motivation

I think the smallest women's clothing size I currently own and fit into is xxxs - (I'm not sure what that is in terms of numbers)

I never made a proper goal size or considered trying to lose weight to fit into an outfit. But I think I might go buy something like a children's size 6 (Australian) and see how I fit.

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[Rant/Rave] I wish I could enjoy normal things without freaking out
/u/Dietfuckingcoke
Created: Sun May 21 01:43:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfexy/i_wish_i_could_enjoy_normal_things_without/
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Does anyone else feel really guilty about the anxiety they get surrounding holidays etc. I'm going to Prague next and I know I'm so lucky but I'm just so scared of all the eating and drinking that will go on and how far back it'll put me. Restricting when on holiday with friends isn't really an option for me because I have no self control in those kind of situations and my friends would pick up on it straight away. Last week I binged for 3 days and it's taken me a week to get back to the pre binge weight so god knows how long it will take me after my holiday. Also I'm going to my aunties today which means a family get together with a buffet of lots of amazing food which makes me feel ill thinking about it. Buffets are my nemesis. Sigh.

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[Discussion] Help, I need excuses
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 21 01:35:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfe4j/help_i_need_excuses/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Traveled with friends, went out to eat, kept it under 1000 calories!
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Sun May 21 01:12:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cfbmd/traveled_with_friends_went_out_to_eat_kept_it/
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I am pretty pleased. Probably was around 850 all told?

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[Discussion] Starting IF on Monday!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 23:48:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cf282/starting_if_on_monday/
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Using my regular meals (chia pudding with fruit for breakfast, tofu with rice and veggies for lunch, and pasta for dinner), I'm trying intermittent fasting for the first time following a comment I saw by /u/JorgePasada a week ago or so, which fits 3 24-hour fasts into 7 days. I had to fit a birthday dinner at a Thai restaurant (probably a curry with full fat coconut milk 🙄) but I'm going to split it into two meals with the highest calorie count I can find on MFP. Average calories for the week is 836, and I hope to get some exercise in there too.
Side note (this is more a rant), the half marathon I was fueling for today got cut short to 10 miles because of flooding, so now I'm signed up for another one in 2 weeks. So I'll probably have to eat a bit more in the few days before that. Sigh, always obstacles.

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] why am I like this
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 20 23:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cf1x7/rant_why_am_i_like_this/
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Ate over maintenance yesterday. Like, not a binge but social snacking and eating and ugh. And now I'm up like a gazillion kgs and so bloated. Made such progress and now the scale sits there as a testimony to my failure. I have such a heavy work schedule right now and I need to feel pepped. And the only way I feel pepped is with the excitement of weight loss success from restriction. Just killed my motivation in one bad day of dumb decisions.

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[Rant/Rave] Avoiding living until I'm "just a little thinner."
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 23:33:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cf0ct/avoiding_living_until_im_just_a_little_thinner/
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[deleted]

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[Help] how to deal with feeling faint, nausea, etc?
/u/fuckincaillou [5'6 | 130 | BMI: 21.89 | -20lb]
Created: Sat May 20 22:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cev5c/how_to_deal_with_feeling_faint_nausea_etc/
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Two years ago, I was able to eat only 800 calories a day for a month to lose weight I gained during the school year. It worked, I lost ten pounds in that time, with the only negative side effects being constant headaches which I could deal with easily enough. Now I'm still able to do intermittent fasting and eat only one or two times per day, but I can't do the same calorie restrictions of 800/day or otherwise I start feeling sick and can hardly stand. I really want to lose 10-15 more pounds to reach my goal but this is making me plateau! Has anyone else been able to figure out a solution to this?

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[Rant/Rave] I have never not been able to purge before
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 22:08:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cep0o/i_have_never_not_been_able_to_purge_before/
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I don't know what is happening tonight. I'm about to get graphic so possible trigger warning?

I've always been able to purge under any circumstance but tonight I don't know what happened. I couldnt get anything out. Instead I ended up coughing up a lot of blood and taking 10 laxatives because I CANNOT be bloated tomorrow.

I am in so much pain I can barely move. I blacked out three times in the past hour.

I can't stop thinking about how I can't live the rest of my life like this. I feel controlled by food, controlled by my obsessions. I'm calling an IOP program tomorrow, maybe I'll follow through with it.

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[Thinspo] Who are your favorite Thinspo instagram models?
/u/2amsummernights
Created: Sat May 20 21:32:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cejjc/who_are_your_favorite_thinspo_instagram_models/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cejjc/who_are_your_favorite_thinspo_instagram_models/

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[Discussion] Food + Socializing?
/u/ms_ireneadler2
Created: Sat May 20 21:23:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cei2g/food_socializing/
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How do you guys balance a social life with all the calories that come with it!!??

I feel like every "girls days" entails lattes and desserts and wine. Yes, you can just say no. But I feel like not "participating" often makes them feel awkward or defensive of their own "food splurge" by downplaying it and mercilessly "joking" and convincing you to get food too (it's just one cupcake! You deserve it!). And if I even start on calorie content (guising it as a health concern, ya know), I just make them feel even more awkward and defensive.

My friend just asked if I was busy tonight. She's in town from college today and tomorrow. Every time we hang out, she suggest lattes and desserts. Ive used the "stomach issues", "already ate", "not feeling well" excuses and it's getting ridiculous. It's gotten to the point where I feel anxious even planning to hang out with her.

Have any of you found a way to balance your social lives with restricting?

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[Discussion] Relation between EDs and other problems
/u/Taemojitsu
Created: Sat May 20 20:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cebb5/relation_between_eds_and_other_problems/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] [Help/Discussion] Boyfriend is convinced I'm hallucinating the number on the scale
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 20:21:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ce8s0/helpdiscussion_boyfriend_is_convinced_im/
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And I kind of hope he's right. Do you guys have any experience with hallucinations?

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[Help] Been fasting for 24 hrs now...all I want is some halo top ice cream and peanut butter
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 20:14:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ce7td/been_fasting_for_24_hrs_nowall_i_want_is_some/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Actively binging, can't stop.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: 🐳 | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Sat May 20 20:05:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ce6h7/actively_binging_cant_stop/
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I tried to eat at 1200 today. Thought I'd try to be "healthy" and normal. I managed to make it through lunch, and then came home and the guilt took over, and it just turned into a massive binge. I don't want any of this, but I can't stop. Fuck me. This is what I get for trying to be healthy.

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[Rant/Rave] Planned binge day win! (Cw food)
/u/dec4y [5'3 | hugh mungus|gw:100lbs|-10lbs|f]
Created: Sat May 20 19:44:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ce34i/planned_binge_day_win_cw_food/
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My boyfriend and I started a diet last week and the whole time we've been dying for junk food. We made a plan to just have a "cheat day" and eat a shitload of junk (plan was pizza, fried Mac and cheese, Taco Bell, and finally Dairy Queen) and today was the day!!
Unfortunately our breakfast was spoiled by yard work his parents needed and a little argument so we skipped the pizza and went to Taco Bell where I only ate 500 calls out of the 1300 I ordered!! A win in itself, but it gets better. We needed to stop by Whole Foods and from there we decided to walk almost a mile to the nature center, where we proceeded to walk around and eat like 3/4 of a pint of halo top between the two of us as a late snack instead of getting more junk. After burning 400 calories walking around we both agreed salad sounded better than more greasy junk. So now we're home. Eating salad with dressing as a treat instead of burgers lmaoo
I diddd end up eating more than I wanted, but I did eat less than half of what I planned. I might even be under/around my tdee! I'm just proud of us for choosing healthy food when we were literally going to eat thousands of calories. Of course back to sub 1000 tomorrow lmao. Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to get it out c:
Tl;dr, I ended up eating about half of my binge day plan and even exercised!
Also who knew you could flair on mobile now??? Nice

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[Rant/Rave] Weight... what?!?!
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 19:32:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ce1ax/weight_what/
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For some reason my weight tends to be all over the place. After some pretty consistent restriction, I've hit 131, the lowest I've seen in 3 years. It's not great, but I've been stable at 140-145 since then, and I just want to see the low 120s again, since that's when I felt my best. Ok, I hope to stop there... and I'm sure my team will make me stop with threats of residential treatment.

Something is working in my favor at least.

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[Rant/Rave] I just stole someone's food????
/u/Catsorbras
Created: Sat May 20 19:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ce0cs/i_just_stole_someones_food/
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So it is the end of finals, and most people in my flat have moved out already (I think...), except me and one other girl. This means loads of food left behind by them are fair game. I am not proud of myself, but I had loads of bread and stuff. I even had some pittas lying around on the kitchen counter (it wasn't labeled). Then I just popped into the kitchen just now, and I saw the other girl putting some food into the oven, and the pitta bread into the toaster...

I feel so disgusted with myself. I guess it isn't as bad as me taking food that is explicitly labeled with someone's name, but the old me who didn't think about food 24/7 would never take food that wasn't hers, or at least without asking for other's permission. When did I let my craving for food get out of hand like this? I feel awful now. I think I will apologise, say that I thought whoever bought it had left, and that I will pay her back or get her some more in the morning, whatever she wants?

I am so so sorry.

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I'm literally freaking out at myself and need some advice :(
/u/2amsummernights
Created: Sat May 20 19:13:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdydr/im_literally_freaking_out_at_myself_and_need_some/
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[removed]

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[Help] Help. I Need Help.
/u/sadanna
Created: Sat May 20 18:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdt1e/help_i_need_help/
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Hi guys. Okay, I need help. I really do. If there are other places to post to ask for help in, let me know. But let me describe my stupid ass eating disorder and how emotionally and mentally exhausted I am at this very moment.

I suffered from anorexia a couple of years ago. I am 5'4", I used to be at the healthy weight of 110. And then I dropped to 95. And then I was at the brink of becoming insanely sick, so I began recovery. I went to 130 within a year and a half. I am 123 now.
I am so, so, stuck.

I don't know how to eat anymore. I can't sit down and eat a meal. Instead I eat my day's worth of calories in snacks and unhealthy things. I still look at calories but I don't count them. I will eat chocolate in place of lunch. I used to only eat healthy things.

All I do is eat a lot of snacks. I have no idea what normal and healthy eating is anymore.

I just want to eat healthy normal meals. I am so, so sad. I have destroyed my stomach through binging and purging, and restricting. I need to become healthy again. I constantly feel like a hopeless pile of poop.

Please, Please. If anyone has any advice, any book recommendations, any videos to watch, or any piece of hope. Please let me know.

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[Rant/Rave] Threw out nutella in the middle of binging on it
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Sat May 20 18:40:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdsnu/threw_out_nutella_in_the_middle_of_binging_on_it/
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Angry that i caved in and started binging on a fucking jar of nutella (i'm disgusting, i know) but I managed to stop and threw that shit away, that's...something I guess!!

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[Rant/Rave] I went to a new restaurant today
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Sat May 20 18:25:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdq8v/i_went_to_a_new_restaurant_today/
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I'm still a ball of anxiety and I nearly had a meltdown multiple times but I made it through without crying and actually managed to eat a bit too.

It's kind of fucked up how much my ED controls my emotions without actually being able to lose weight. I've gained and lost the same 10lbs for the last few years and yet my entire life revolves around my relationship with food. I don't think my friends even fully understood how big of a deal it was. One of them was understanding when I had to go to the washroom to chill out for a few minutes before I could order but I don't think people get that EDs can be bad without you being underweight.

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[Thinspo] I'm in love.
/u/sternums [5'2 | literal tub of lard | F | UGW: 95]
Created: Sat May 20 18:03:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdm8m/im_in_love/
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https://imgur.com/a/1Ktw4

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[Goal] 60lbs lost since January!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 17:37:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdhwz/60lbs_lost_since_january/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I just want my boyfriend to be attracted to me again
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sat May 20 17:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdg3c/i_just_want_my_boyfriend_to_be_attracted_to_me/
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My boyfriend and his family are all super healthy. We started going out a year ago when I was 130 and I felt too fat for him then. Now at 140 after comfort eating my way through this college semester I'm starting restriciting again.

I'm going to be 110. His mom and sister are so petite and slim, they cook huge meals in their house and they eat four bits of it and say they're 'full'. They always serve me such small portions, and my bf always gives me a tiny amount of food when we share. Not on purpose but becaue he's used to seeing the way the women in his family and presume all women are the same.

He's so kind and attractive and fun, and I want to be good enough for him. I always see him looking at slim girls around us when we're out together. I'm so in love with him, I can't believe he loves me despite the way I look right now.
He has no idea of my past with food, I hide it so well.

When we have sex I can just tell he isn't really into my body. Can't blame him though. I just hope this piece of shit fat comes off faster than the last time because I don't want to be grumpy around people again.

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[Discussion] Anyone else in a binge cycle?
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Sat May 20 17:22:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdfd8/anyone_else_in_a_binge_cycle/
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Nothing of note to add just wanted to say that if anyone is kicking themselves in the ass right now for their recent bad choices that you are not alone so here's a post of commiseration!
Tomorrow's another day, darlings! We're all too fabulous to let it get us down.

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What's the best place for an anorexic at a party?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 17:16:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cde9u/whats_the_best_place_for_an_anorexic_at_a_party/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Raising calorie intake during exams?
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Sat May 20 17:04:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdc3u/raising_calorie_intake_during_exams/
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Next month I have my a levels which for anyone outside the uk are REALLY important exams and if I don't get the grades I need (AAB) I don't get into university. I currently restrict every day to max 600 calories but I know this isn't really enough to let my brain fully function during long exams and my memory will be shitty. I obviously don't want to risk not getting into uni over a fucking ED but at the same time I can't bring myself to eat a normal amount without literally wanting to die. I'm going to try to raise my intake to 800-1000 before and during my exams but is that even enough? I just don't know anymore, I feel like I don't know what's normal anymore

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[Discussion] Starting again, need tips to fight the fat
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sat May 20 16:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cdb6n/starting_again_need_tips_to_fight_the_fat/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fitness-y guy at work said I should eat 2000 cals a day
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 20 16:29:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cd5xf/fitnessy_guy_at_work_said_i_should_eat_2000_cals/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] There's a bag of cool ranch doritos downstairs
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Sat May 20 16:17:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cd3ow/theres_a_bag_of_cool_ranch_doritos_downstairs/
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And I was halfway down the before I stopped myself.

I can taste those damn chips all the way from here. Now I'm pretending like it's not all that I've managed to think about for the past hour by binge watching what I eat in a day videos by models & trying to feel good about not inhaling 1k+ calories.

What are some of your favorite distractons from the binge monster?

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[Rant/Rave] The ED community is the only place I feel my body is desirable.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | I don't want to compete anymore | F]
Created: Sat May 20 15:56:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cczwe/the_ed_community_is_the_only_place_i_feel_my_body/
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I am a trans girl, and, while male puberty didn't fuck me up all that much, my body still is lacking a lot of feminity. However, within this community, I feel like that's ok and even sometimes desirable. My measurements at 5'9" and 124 lbs (I'm 132 rn) were 35" bust (which is mostly just my ribcage, not breast mass), 27" waist, 35" hips. My small hips are what most frequently bother me when I feel gender dysphoria. But like, from the posts I've seen, people in this community actually want small hips... So I feel like, since at least one community that I fit into wants a part of my body, then maybe it's ok.

The point of this post, though, is that I *don't* feel like my body is desirable anywhere else. And that hurts a lot. Like, the (pro)ED community continually proves to be where I fit in most. I guess at least I fit in somewhere, though. Idk. I'm just sad rn.

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[Rant/Rave] I am ready to give up.
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:119 | -13]
Created: Sat May 20 15:35:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccw1c/i_am_ready_to_give_up/
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EXTRA LONG POST, SORRY. :/ I know I should post most of this in the relationship sub but i REALLY don’t want to hear a bunch of people just say to “DUMP HIM” because Im obviously not going to do that right now.



I have had no money and no job for about a year strait.

Last year I was living with my mom and actively looking for a job because she was moving to another state and I didn’t want to go with her. My options were to live with my SO or to live in my car until I could afford to get on my feet and get a roommate or him and I get an apartment together.

I knew I really needed his help at this point.

Then, I found out he had cheated on me. I ended up forgiving him because we spent 5 years and though I haven’t wanted to admit it even to myself, I also stayed with him because I know I need help finically and would do anything NOT to live in my car, so I moved into his house one month later.

About 6 moths post him cheating:

Every time he pisses me off I get a jab in my side and I think:
“if only my fucking mom hadn’t moved states, I could have broken up with him and not been homeless”,
“if only I had rich parents that actually loved me”,
“if only I had kept that really well paying but back breaking job- then maybe I could live alone and then decide if I really want to be with him”.

To the day, I don’t feel like I had a choice in staying with him after what he did because It really felt like I can either be homeless and single, or have a place to live and try to “forgive” him. ….I honestly think I could forgive him but its the fact that I don’t feel like I really had a choice that is making this all so difficult for me.

My BED/ED has never been worse that it has since I moved in…

I get sad about the infidelity and compare myself to the other woman and lose 15 pounds in 2 weeks.
Then I eat my feelings on my family situation and how great it must be to be him and have a SO that is poor and a fucking doormat because she needs a place to stay. …and then I gain the 15 pounds and the cycle continues.

I feel so many ways right now…
-part of me want to starve myself to death to show everyone in my life how much they hurt me.

-part of me want to restrict myself and be better- get hot and skinny, get a job, provide for myself, and maybe even decide to leave him.

-part of me wants to just eat my feelings and silently cry until I die.

PS: sorry this was so long, Thank you for taking the time to read this though.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm a failure
/u/Cheshire_TheCat [183cm | 58.5kg | 17.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 15:16:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccskw/im_a_failure/
---
I'm on mobile so I can't flair.

I'm such a big failure. I have been eating around 500 calories for quite a while now but for the last two weeks I have just not been losing weight for some reason. Everyday I feel my body getting worse, I constantly feel tired, can't concentrate on anything, dizzy all the time but the stupid scale won't budge. And after all this time I was just so sick of feeling like this and feeling hungry all the time all the while not seeing any results. So I ate today..... a lot....... And I just know that the scale will go up immediately. And I just screwed up. I worked so hard for so long and now I just screwed it up all in one day. And I now that the weight gain is not forever and I can lose it again but I just feel like I failed myself. I worked so hard for it.

I'm sorry for rambling but I just feel terrible and need to vent somewhere.

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[Rant/Rave] My 16 year old, size 2/4 charge just donated a huge bag of good clothes.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 15:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccsa6/my_16_year_old_size_24_charge_just_donated_a_huge/
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Or so she thought. The mom and I went through her closets today and the mom picked out anything she didn't approve of or thought was too small.

There was a lot of Zara, Brandy Melville, and even a few designer pieces. The mom said to bag them up and stick in the donation box. And I couldn't do it.

I felt bad for taking clothes away from people who need them, so I went to a second hand shop and bought out the whole bin of 1 euro clothing. It was about 50 pieces, but I bartered down to 40.

Anyhow, these are all perfectly good clothes. Some with the tag. And they are basic, minimalist pieces that I adore. I laid them out on my bed and dream of wearing them. I'm a size 8 right now. Talk about a visual motivator.

The girl is so perfect looking and I adore her. She thinks of me more as a big sister, but I can't help feeling so shitty when she's getting dressed and I know that I look like the fat American. I want to be mistaken for her sister.

Sorry for the work vomit. I was just ironing the clothes and couldn't help think that fitting into them is really possible. It's not some far off dream. It's tangible and I want to run at it full speed.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat May 20 15:14:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccs8x/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/b9nfbbr91qyy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Oatmeal has lost my respect
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sat May 20 15:06:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccqvl/oatmeal_has_lost_my_respect/
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I made some pb2 oatmeal with bananas, logged every single ingredient, ate 4 bites and realized I can't eat anymore. So there I am staring at this bowl with not many bites left but a lot of banana trying to figure out whether I should just throw it out or eat it all so I don't sacrifice the calories. I ended up throwing it out but now I'm pissed bc I have no idea how many I actually consumed and it's nagging at me. We're not friends anymore, oatmeal. Not anymore.

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[Help] My parents found out
/u/i_like_to_think_that
Created: Sat May 20 14:35:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccl30/my_parents_found_out/
---

Two nights ago I purged for the first time. It was so unpleasant I started crying after and I called two friends. Last night those two friends called my parents and told them while I was watching tv with them (I live at home). I freaked out I locked myself in the bathroom for a while and called another friend crying. Then my mom started crying outside the door and I went out and it was just so horrible I wanna cry some more just thinking about it. And now this morning my parents want me to get a therapist again. My parents know nothing and have never known about how I struggle with food and my weight, now they know almost everything it seems. I just don't know what to do. If anybody had some advice it would be much appreciated. Im not ready to recover, I dont think I ever will except maybe at my goal weight. I just feel so betrayed and violated by my friends. I'm 18 by the way so legally nobody can force me to do anything.

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[Other] Update: "I want to buy a pack of cookies and eat all of them"
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Sat May 20 14:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccikp/update_i_want_to_buy_a_pack_of_cookies_and_eat/
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my grandma just called saying she baked me cookies and asked me if I wanted some... I'm writing this as I'm biking to her house 😭

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[Goal] Ready to leave purging aside and embrace restriction
/u/Latina_mia [5'2 | 140.6 | 26.64 | SW:164 | GW1:130 | -23.4 lbs |20F]
Created: Sat May 20 13:59:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cce95/ready_to_leave_purging_aside_and_embrace/
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I've been purging infrequently for awhile now, but I'd rather start restricting again. I go home in two weeks, so I'll give it my all until then. Wish me luck!

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[Rant/Rave] 57 calories per day
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Sat May 20 13:45:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ccbhe/57_calories_per_day/
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For two days straight I've managed to eat only 57calories ! :> I'm feeling super proud of myself!
Eh sorry that's all, I just felt like this is the only place I can share the news

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[Rant/Rave] I won't give in.
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 20 13:13:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cc54v/i_wont_give_in/
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I want to binge.

Again.

Last night was awful.
And an early work start meant I couldn't risk the sudden cramps whilst riding the bus to work.
So it's still in my stomach.

Today I want to binge again. Hard.
Crisps. Sorbet! Sugar. I just want sugar. I could eat so much. I hate myself for it. I'm not hungry. I'm not at all. I'm just bored. I need to chew. Why do I need to chew?! What is wrong with me?! Why can't I just exist like everyone else? Why am I a failure? Why does my life revolve around food?! I'm better than food, right?

I'm so fed up with living like this? I'm supposed to be losing weight but I bounce constantly. I'm sick of hearing my jeans rub when I walk, I'm sick of how my calves wobble when I tap my feet. I'm sick of not being able to wear a tshirt when it's roasting outside- I'm far too fat to show my arms or not hide my stomach behind a jacket. I'm done. I'm so done.

I hate the fact I'm ashamed of my weight, I hate the fact I'm controlled by food. I hate the fact I'm so resentful of my size.

F*ck it all!

I need this. I need to get out of this cycle. I'm better than this stupid mechanical need to feed.

---

[Discussion] Your one ultimate thinspo picture...
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 12:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cbxfw/your_one_ultimate_thinspo_picture/
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I'm sure many people will have a picture that is their ultimate ideal.

I always look at [this](https://i.imgur.com/Yro2zBt.jpg) when I want to stuff my face because it is the most perfect body ever. It is also similar to my body type (just hoping my boobs will shrink a size or two) so it seems more attainable to me.^(Although I kinda know I'm fooling myself because the people in thinspo pics look like that with perfect lighting and on a good body day with minimal bloating and good posing and after 50 takes... /ramble)

But anyway, I'm super curious to see everyone's fave thinspo pics! This could be great inspiration too <3

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[Discussion] Beating the calorie system
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Sat May 20 12:09:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cbsco/beating_the_calorie_system/
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I have a symptom of an ED, chew and spit, but I try my best to avoid it by avoiding unhealthy foods. With C&S you get the food, but significantly less calories, e.g.

Starbucks UK cookies and cream cake slice is ~650 calories (I would never buy this), I need to run for over an hour to burn this, but if I C&S, it feels like I beat the system.

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[Rant/Rave] My fridge broke
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 11:41:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cbmjs/my_fridge_broke/
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My refrigerator broke and it is going to take time to fix or replace. Despite one b/p, it's caused my intake to be minimal/non-existent... since most of my safe foods are perishable. My last fast lasted 26 hours and I'm on fast number 2 and 13 hours in. I haven't checked my weight, but I'm feeling smaller and more in control. I'm lying to my team still because I was honest about some restriction yesterday and got totally scolded. So eff that noise.

I guess it's a blessing in disguise.

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[Other] I want to buy a pack of cookies and eat all of them
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Sat May 20 11:01:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cbesl/i_want_to_buy_a_pack_of_cookies_and_eat_all_of/
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Buuuuuut I'm not going to because I have no $$$! Yay. Sometimes there are perks to running out of pocket money. Being lazy also helps.

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[Intro] I wanna say hello
/u/mylapfairy
Created: Sat May 20 10:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cbafm/i_wanna_say_hello/
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So hello!

This is the first time I've made an account for this, but I've lurked this sub for a year.

I've had a mild eating disorder till I was 15 that turned into a full blown restriction binge cycle this past year.

I don't know the rules of this sub well enough to talk about it, and I sincerely don't want to trigger anyone, but I was molested as a child, and no one believed me when I told my family.

I either forgot or repressed it till I was 16 when I was assaulted by a teacher . I remembered everything and I had a breakdown but people thought I was being hormonal or stressed by exams. I wasn't allowed therapy, so I started restricting heavily.

It was so slow, and peaceful, and I had so much control over everything. I lost the 20 lbs that kept me trapped, and people started treating me so well.

I'm now in a better place mentally, and I often think I'm faking an ed, but I panic when I go over my daily calorie. I drink so much black coffee because it's the only laxative that I can sneak.

I don't know what I'll do here, but I'm going to sustain my weight in the long run. I love this sub, because you sweethearts are so kind to each other. I've never seen a single collective this reassuring whilst going through your personal hells.



Also, u/dumplingmeister, your meals are literally goals. Just awesome.

u/bir_die, you're so kind and sweet. I always look for your flair in the threads.

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[Rant/Rave] Day ruined over pasta
/u/thinnmints [4'11 | 157 | -15 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 10:37:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cba9k/day_ruined_over_pasta/
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Simply pasta salad is 1000 calories PER BOX. I used to eat this for dinner no problem. I just decided to pick up a box for an easy meal for me and realized. I can't not eat it now, my boyfriend knows I love it and wanted it. He would get too suspicious if I threw it away :(:(

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[Help] How is a venti toasted coconut cold brew only 80 calories? Wouldn't the syrup alone push it over? Is this accurate?
/u/tropicalling
Created: Sat May 20 10:19:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cb6yr/how_is_a_venti_toasted_coconut_cold_brew_only_80/
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https://i.redd.it/u1ymblzpkoyy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Talking to this amazing guy makes me want to restrict even more
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 132.6 | 21.7 | -97.4lbs! | 17f]
Created: Sat May 20 10:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6cb5er/talking_to_this_amazing_guy_makes_me_want_to/
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I'm sorry the title is so awkward, I can't really figure out how to put this into words but here we go-

I've had a crush on this guy for over a year, and last month he and his gf broke up. Pretty much immediately afterwards (or a little before they broke up, I'm not sure on the timeline) he started talking to me a lottt more and admitted that he liked me. Blah blah blah, we're not dating but things are really good, and he makes me feel like maybe I'm not a worthless piece of garbage after all, which is a nice change.

I know I'm just some stupid rebound thing, but he makes it so easy to pretend that I'm something more.

But every time I talk to him, my urges to restrict and self harm skyrocket. Every message makes me want to never eat again. It's absolutely not his fault, I'm just fucked up- and maybe I should be thankful that there's this amazing guy who (maybe) likes me AND gives me a reason to restrict more, idk. I guess there's no real point to this post, I'm just confused and a little scared. I don't know guys, things are hard

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[Discussion] Is anyone a nurse who has an ED
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat May 20 09:11:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6catte/is_anyone_a_nurse_who_has_an_ed/
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I need solidarity friends. My nursing class was awesome but I couldn't really bring myself to share my ED with them, so often times I feel really like the black sheep out in a field that's supposed to show model behavior.

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[Discussion] What part of your body do you hate the most?
/u/xxpepperbombxx [5'9" | CW:218 | F | Weight lost: 83]
Created: Sat May 20 08:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6canfh/what_part_of_your_body_do_you_hate_the_most/
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I have noticed over the many years of struggling with disordered body image and eating issues that one part of my body in particular causes me the most stress.

I hate my breasts. Even at my lowest weight I have had large breast and I hate it. I can't stand the unwanted attention, how heavy they feel, and how they seem to be the center of my body. I don't take pictures of my body because of my breasts I feel they look offensive. Analyzing my disdain for my breasts has strengthened my infatuation with androgyny. Sometimes I wish I could remove my breasts. I've worn two sports bras over big sweaters and t-shirts for so long. Sometimes, it even goes so far as to wish I had a gender change just to not have them.

I thought that it would be my stomach which is a complete mess from five stomach surgeries and two pregnancies. But its not.

What about you?

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[Rant/Rave] 130's!
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 137.6| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Sat May 20 08:07:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6caimy/130s/
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I'm ~officially~ out of the overweight BMI! I started at obese, and I've been overweight for awhile, and now I'm finally "healthy" (except for not eating but w/e) I'm so excited I just had to tell someone!

edit: on mobile, no flair :/

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[Discussion] Can we do that thing where we share our tumblrs ☺️
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 111.8 | 22.06 | -72 | F 🌸]
Created: Sat May 20 07:41:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6caebw/can_we_do_that_thing_where_we_share_our_tumblrs/
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I want some new stuff on my dash so let me know what yours are, and who your favorites are!!

And if you want to follow mine it's
m-ilkytoast. tumblr. com

Thanks :3

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[Rant/Rave] [NSFW] I... apparently.... can purge again.
/u/RandomHumanite [5'1" | 26/ F(???) ]
Created: Sat May 20 06:58:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ca7pl/nsfw_i_apparently_can_purge_again/
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NSFW for accounts of food and to be safe.

Last night, because I can make insane decisions during hour 50 of a fast when my sleep is also fucked up, I went and got Taco Bell with the intention of chewing it up and spitting it out. About halfway through, something got into me and I started ingesting it. Using the nutrition calculator, portions of what I ingested, plus adding calories for all the C/S I did, I probably ingested about 700-750 calories. I freaked out, and tried to purge.

I thought my gag reflex was gone from past years when I stopped being able to purge. I honestly thought I had destroyed my gag reflex. But I was going to try.

I stuck my fingers in there, grabbed and tickled my uvula, and....

I purged. Semi-successfully, because it didn't look like a lot of vomit sitting there. Or I dont know what vomit of one item looks like when there's no alcohol involved.

This is a dangerous, dangerous thing and purging is super dangerous; but in my sick brain, it gives me power. It gives me another option. The thing that I feel like I *don't* have in the rest of my life: options (at least, relative to other people). Now I don't have to freak out about my shift meal; I can just throw it up if I want to or feel I overate.

Woke up this morning; gorged my face with McDonalds; puked it up; don't feel like i got much out (TMI warning: it looks like way too little puke for an egg mcmuffin and a sausage biscuit). It didn't look like a lot of vomit for the amount of food ate.

But now I want to go get more food and puke it up. Fuck.

Now I'm terrified of how many calories I actually *did* ingest. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

---

[Help] Alcohol...
/u/electille [5'7 | 123 | 19.2 | ?]
Created: Sat May 20 06:26:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ca3eg/alcohol/
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Tfw your food intake yesterday was about 350 cal and your alcohol intake was about 750 cal....
Anybody have any tips for reducing alcohol calories?

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[Discussion] Losing weight is my solution to everything, no matter how illogical.
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 90.2lbs/40.9kgs | 16.04 | -20lbs | GW: recovery | F]
Created: Sat May 20 06:17:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ca29c/losing_weight_is_my_solution_to_everything_no/
---
I've dropped nearly 5kg (11lbs) in less than a week. Iiiiit's showing. Not even my severe bdd can save me from seeing how badly I'm getting anorexiaface (sunken in cheeks, dark circles under eyes, blue & chapped lips, already huge nose looking like it takes up half my face, etc. OH AND ACNE. MY SKIN IS USUALLY GREAT WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.) Well guess what, other people are noticing too. I've gotten a lot of comments, mostly from my mum. And they goddamn hurt. Nobody likes being told they look disgusting. So, I look like a terminal something patient, I'm getting some wellmeant insults from family members, and it's all because I've lost weight. Of course my solution to this is to lose more weight. Skinnier = better = better looking = healthier looking. It works this way with everythinggg. Friend not replying? Lose weight, they'll like you more and want to talk to you (even if they're an online friend and they never fucking see you anyway). Didn't get that job? Lose weight (lol @ implying I'm functional enough to even apply for a job, this one's purely theoretical). I'm a way nicer, more energetic, less corpsy looking person when I'm not starving but my brain cannot goddamn comprehend this for long enough to eat something. I'm realllyyy hoping this is a common thing and I'm not actually stupid and/or crazy. Anyone? plz

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 20 06:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ca1d7/stupid_questions_saturday_may_20_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 20, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 20 06:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ca1cs/daily_food_diary_may_20_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] Welllllll I binged and my intake for today is probably around 2.1k
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 05:49:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9ymw/welllllll_i_binged_and_my_intake_for_today_is/
---
[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor] (LOL) When the drug store knows EXACTLY what time of the month it is...
/u/bed_warrior [5'10" | 277.4 | 38.70 | -55.6lbs | F 27]
Created: Sat May 20 05:48:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9yi5/lol_when_the_drug_store_knows_exactly_what_time/
---
https://i.redd.it/qhkim4md8nyy.png

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[Discussion] Misconceptions of ED (in TV shows for example)?
/u/carlems [5'1| 103.6 | 19.47 | -17 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 05:11:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9u5v/misconceptions_of_ed_in_tv_shows_for_example/
---
I don't watch a lot of TV shows or movies etc with people struggling with ED in them so I'm interested in knowing what are some of the most usual mistakes media shows about eating disorders? (I only know Carrie from Skins, and her disorder from my point of view wasn't shown perfectly accurate.. also sorry if no one understands anything about this, English is not my first language but I tried my best!)

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[Rant/Rave] My husband has been sabotaging me.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 05:04:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9td8/my_husband_has_been_sabotaging_me/
---
My husband knows me better than anyone else, and he is fully aware of my ED. Because of this, I don't try to hide it from him. But recently he has been trying to ruin things for me. He has been with me through all kinds of nasty binges, and has learned what foods I find truly hard to resist.

Like, he will get home from work some nights, and will pick me up to go to the gas station for drinks, but will swing around my favorite fast food place without warning me first. Or he will make my favorite food at home without telling me, and he will make me some even though he knows how hard I have been trying to stay away from it. (I live in a house with 9 people, so it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep trigger foods out of the house.)

I upset him the other day by turning down food. I was doing a fast, (made it 33 and a half hours!) and we went out to get drinks. We talked about food for only a split second, and I told him I was fasting until we could go to the grocery store to get the ingredients for my favorite low calorie wraps that I make. He decided to take me to the gas station that makes the best hot dogs in town, knowing that I could never pass them up. Luckily none were made so I didn't have to face the temptation. When we got home, he handed me a granola bar and told me to eat it. I refused, and told him that I was so excited for my wraps, and I don't want to blow all of my daily calories before then. He took the granola bar out of the packaging, and handed it to me, saying that now it's open and I have to eat it. I threw it away, and it made him extra mad.

He does this thing now, where he will jokingly not talk to me unless I eat. I'm just thankful that I spent a lot of money this week on safe foods, and now we don't have the money to go get fast food or anything dangerous like that.

I know he cares for me and wants me to be healthy, but he goes about it in the worst way. What I don't tell him is how much it destroys me when he sabotages me like this. Food, I can say no to. But he knows how hard it is for me to say no to him.

Thanks for letting me vent, guys. I love having a place to come when I feel out of control. You guys rock! I guess I'll end this long post on a positive note: as of this morning, I have officially lost 22 pounds! I am now only 2 pounds away from where I was back in high school! Woohoo!!

---

Broken scale? Any fix?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 03:49:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9l72/broken_scale_any_fix/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] both major Australian supermarkets now list calorie counts on their websites! :D
/u/waitupana [149cm | 14Male]
Created: Sat May 20 03:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9gov/rave_both_major_australian_supermarkets_now_list/
---
Now to waste about 4 hours every weekend looking for crap that is lower calorie than I expected

[woolies](http://i.imgur.com/joqhlfk.png)
[coles](http://i.imgur.com/R3kA1ei.png)

(for outsiders, the kJ value can be converted to calories by dividing by 4.184 or using the google converter).

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[Rant/Rave] Random or Weird Fear Foods?
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 02:52:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9fem/random_or_weird_fear_foods/
---
Haven't been on here in a while, but I'm curious about what fear foods other people have. Also- can't flair sorry!!!

For years I've had a thing about bananas & bread. Recently have an aversion to eggs. Will not eat them. Oh, and peanut butter oh gosh. Used to gorge on it and now I'm repulsed by and convinced if it passes my lips I'll instantly gain. Do not touch it.

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[Discussion] What calorie tracker app do you use?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 02:30:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c9d0o/what_calorie_tracker_app_do_you_use/
---
I used MFP for about 6 months, then switched to Lose It! And now I've downloaded My Plate because the graphics are cute.
What do you like about the app?
What are your favourite features?
What don't you like about the app?
Edit: has u/petiteautumn finished her app yet?

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[Rant/Rave] i told my friend i have an ED
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 110 | 20 | -29 | F]
Created: Sat May 20 01:54:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c997t/i_told_my_friend_i_have_an_ed/
---
i didn't have enough time to explain myself past "i visit ed forums not to help people (my previous bullshit excuse lol) but because i *need help myself*" because the bell rang and we had to leave.

she must think im fucking insane now. or that im expecting her to fix it for me. no no no. jesus christ, no. i know i need professional help but i cant fucking get it right now. now she'll probably stop talking to me. because hanging out with a crazy person is so draining.

i just wanted to stop faking that im happy or healthy when im anything but. im a horrible liar. i couldnt have kept it up forever.

i knew i shouldn't have told anyone.

i fucked up so bad.

im so fukcing ashamed of myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] I haven't lost a single pound in the last month, but I had to buy smaller jeans and I didn't recognize my legs in a mirror, so, yay? [rave]
/u/littlebirbb [5'7" | CW: ew | GW: 125 | -31]
Created: Sat May 20 01:44:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c981d/i_havent_lost_a_single_pound_in_the_last_month/
---
The mirror thing was actually funny. I am trying to kick my awful bingeing habit. With the help of some medications I'm doing some serious work. I'm down almost 30 pounds. I have like a zillion more to go but it's more than I've ever lost and my lowest in like five years. But the whole last month I've been up and down the same five pounds. I know I haven't been as good and I know I haven't been measuring, which is stupid, but I'm getting back on track. And anyway, everything is fitting different. I bought jeans in the single digits for the first time in five years.

I was trying to walk into a bathroom at Starbucks, and since the door opened when I pulled I started to step in with my eyes kind of down. I saw a pair of legs standing in jeans and quickly stammered out an apology for walking in on someone before realizing there was no other voice or movement, glancing up, and realizing those were my legs... in the mirror above the sink that's right across from the door. Lol. I didn't recognize my own legs because I'm used to them being huge. They're still way bigger than they should be, but I won't lie, dealing with body dysmorphia that makes me see myself as closer to a size 24 than my actual 8... and then realizing the thinner, size 8 legs I saw were MY LEGS... that was sooooooo nice. Glad nobody saw me do a dumb thing though. Went into the bathroom and took a picture in the mirror of my side profile too, and it's WAAAAYYYY smaller than I feel. If I look like that, I'm not massive and disgusting. Still too fat but not terrible.

Got to order my wedding dress in the smaller size 8, too. Hoping I can get even one MORE size below that before the wedding. I haven't worn a 6 in 12 years. Freshman year of high school. A 6! I'm so close. I still want to lose about 50 pounds from where I am now. But if I can be 5'7/140 by my wedding, I'll feel better than I did at 210.

---

[Discussion] ED within the family?
/u/Ocerotten [5'7 | CW 103lbs | BMI 15.7 | M]
Created: Sat May 20 00:59:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c92zo/ed_within_the_family/
---
I found out my mother had anorexia when she was a teenager a few years after my own ED started developing. Just last week I found out that my uncle ALSO had bulimia as a teenager that none of us had any clue about. He just came out with it like it was some funny childhood story. Has anyone ever had an experience with this sort of thing? They're both fully recovered as far as I know, but is it possible to pick up on that kind of thing as a kid? Could it be hereditary since it is a mental illness? These might be dumb questions, I'm just very shocked/confused and unsure how I feel. :-///

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[Rant/Rave] Misconceptions about binge eating disorder...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 20 00:56:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c92l9/misconceptions_about_binge_eating_disorder/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I can't stop binging
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Fri May 19 23:46:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8udm/rant_i_cant_stop_binging/
---
Almost every day has been a binge this week. Help🙄🙄

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[Rant/Rave] Always jealous of children
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Fri May 19 23:36:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8t3m/always_jealous_of_children/
---
Okay so today I was at Starbucks and I saw two girls and they looked like they were in like 4th grade. The first thing I thought was "wtf why do they have iPhone 7s? Where are their parents? What is life?"
But then I thought "Omg they are so skinny?!" Followed by jealousy of the calorific fraps they got.
Also saw some girls who were like 14 or 15 and they were skinny as fuck

Also kinda on the subject the cash me outside girl (14 years old) is actually body goals.

I'm actually such a creep, please report me to the authorities

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[Discussion] What are some benefits to a binge?
/u/forestfloorpool [170cm + bmi18 + gbmi16 +24f]
Created: Fri May 19 22:51:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8n2z/what_are_some_benefits_to_a_binge/
---
This is probably more towards restrictors who have a day or two of higher calorie consumption (not necessarily excessive consumption). Yesterday and today I will probably end up eating at maintenance because I want to just hate myself. SO to make myself feel better, I am hoping theres some positives to this like maybe I'll give my metabolism a major kick and loose the last 3 kilos I want gone *pleaaaase*.


THANKS! :)

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[Help] 5lb gain / not a binge
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 122| UGW: 112 l 25F]
Created: Fri May 19 22:39:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8lbl/5lb_gain_not_a_binge/
---
This morning I was 124.2. I ate Chili's soup and half a turkey sandwich for lunch and two breadsticks for supper. I had a 32oz pop before supper...why did I just weigh myself at 129.4? Why? Why? Why?

I am frustrated at having to look at that number on the scale and I hate that it bothers me so much. I will feel okay about myself in the mirror, then I step on the scale and suddenly feel awful. Self image changed so quickly depending on my weight...😭

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[Rant/Rave] Just really need to rant...
/u/BiByBye [5'4"| CW: 119.6lbs | -15.4 | GW: 114 lbs | UGW: 105 lbs | 30F]
Created: Fri May 19 22:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8kgo/just_really_need_to_rant/
---
Ugh, I've been doing so well lately. Fasting for several days at a time and reaching for healthy foods when breaking my fast. Been doing so good at controlling my binges...until today. I broke my 57 hour fast with Taco Bell. Nearly 1,500 calories and I devoured every bit of it because my life has gone to shit lately.

Got screamed at in front of my entire apartment complex by my asshole apartment manager because my freaking walls weren't clean enough. Never mind the fact that the place is falling apart because my landlords are slum lords. I'm so sick of this dude's bullying I've decided to move in to my parents spare room rather than have to deal with him anymore. Dude looked at my boyfriend in the middle of screaming at me and said "women, they're all basket cases huh?" because I was crying from being humiliated in front of the place I've rented for 9 years now!

So far this asshole has bullied me because I missed a pile or two of dog crap when taking my dogs out (nevermind the fact that I've cleaned up HIS dog's shit more times than I can count). He's pretty much chased me out of the backyard because every time I take my dogs out back he brings his aggressive little dog out, and then proceeds to egg on my dogs when they try to protect me, telling them to get his dog. When I reprimand my dogs because I don't want them showing any signs of aggression, he tells me to stop and just let them have at his dog. Um, no! My dogs will NOT be used as aggressive discipline for your dog. Then dude gets upset that I take my dogs out in the front yard instead. He even admitted to grabbing another tenant by the throat and taking him to the ground because he THOUGHT the kid hurt his dog. I don't believe it for a second. That kid was a sweet and very shy dude who always greeted my dogs with a smile and pets, even when my dogs tried to wander into his house uninvited.

I'm playing nice with dude right now but I cannot wait to give my notice of moving out of this shithole. Living with my parents at 30 is not ever what I would have planned, but screw it, it's got to be better than this. It's not like I'll even be in the main house, it's more of an apartment off the garage, where I can let my dogs into the backyard without having to worry about assholes coming and disrupting it. No black mold, no sinking foundation, no lead paint and aspestos. This will be better right? Plus my parents have exercise equipment I can use to get in better shape.

Anyway, all of this finally got to me and I binged so hard and feel like shit, but things will get better right?

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[Rant/Rave] I saw myself reflected in a store window. I was standing next to my crush, and I looked smaller than him.
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Fri May 19 21:51:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8ed1/i_saw_myself_reflected_in_a_store_window_i_was/
---
... yet, i still thought I looked fat??? Like, everyone next to me looked thin being bigger than me. Wtf body dysmorphia, why do you do this?

Edit: Rant/rave

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[Goal] My own step grandma didn't recognize me xD
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Fri May 19 21:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8d3d/my_own_step_grandma_didnt_recognize_me_xd/
---
A bunch of family came out for my graduation and when my step grandmother came in, she went "so, [stepmom], are you gonna introduce me to [my name]'so friend?"

I just laughed and said "I am [my name]." But it felt nice because I know it's because I've lost almost 55lb since she last saw me.

---

[Rant/Rave] I want to cry I'm so dumb
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 118.5 | 19.72/19.95 | GW: 114 | F]
Created: Fri May 19 21:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c8ck3/i_want_to_cry_im_so_dumb/
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I accidentally bought a full calorie sprite and drank half before realizing it wasn't diet :( I feel so disgusting I can't stop thinking about it

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[Thinspo] Can I just.. this woman is everything I starve for.
/u/Giraffemakinfriends
Created: Fri May 19 20:43:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c83x0/can_i_just_this_woman_is_everything_i_starve_for/
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BUSEw1sA093/

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[Help] EC stacks... help please!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 20:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7zme/ec_stacks_help_please/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Anybody else who isn't close to their GW(s) scared of how their body might look?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 120 | -15 lbs]
Created: Fri May 19 20:02:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7xbr/anybody_else_who_isnt_close_to_their_gws_scared/
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I've been losing (not fast enough lmao) and the actual losing part is great and all. I desperately want to be lighter and thinner and just ugh. But I'm also afraid to see how my body will pan out, will I have a thigh gap at 120? 115? Ever? Will my rib cage ruin the look of a sleek torso? What will my face look like if a bit of the fat there is gone? Will I have a more pronounced jawline? Will I have a slimmer neck or no? All these what will its.


I don't know what my body will look like after all this fat is gone and that makes me anxious. But at the same time, being smaller is still better than now.

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[Discussion] Foods that taste like my eating disorder
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Fri May 19 19:56:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7wf3/foods_that_taste_like_my_eating_disorder/
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Steamed broccoli. Raw celery and carrots. Sprite Zero. Powerade Zero (the blue kind). Plain egg whites. Green apples.

I'll only ever seriously call myself "recovered" if I can eat those things without thinking about restricting. And I doubt that will ever happen.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] Pizza
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Fri May 19 19:41:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7txh/rant_pizza/
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Everything is celebrated with pizza. I've had​ almost a whole pizza every day for the past three days.

Back to fasting 🙄

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[Help] Help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 19:32:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7sfs/help/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] First EC stack experience
/u/Gypsm
Created: Fri May 19 19:29:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7rwb/first_ec_stack_experience/
---
Hey all, long time lurker, first time poster (alt account for privacy). I've been on and off recovery for the past 6ish years, but I just experienced my first EC stack and I thought I would share. Just want to mention that they are not healthy, obviously you shouldn't do it, don't mix with other medications/alcohols, ect. Do research before trying something like this. Ephedrine was taken off the market as a diet pill because it was unreasonably risky.

I bought caffine pills from Giant, and went to Walgreens for Bronkaid so it wouldn't look sketchy if I bought them together. I asked the lady at the pharmacy counter for it, and she didn't even ask why I needed it. She just asked for my ID, and I had to sign something. For the first time I tried it, I took a full pill around 6 pm just to see what it felt like. I drank 2 cups of coffee instead of taking a caffeine pill. It definitely curbed my hunger, but it wasn't as intense of a feeling as I thought it would be. As far as side effects, I only noticed dry mouth and a slight buzz, like I had too much caffeine (possibly from the coffee, but I usually drink a lot of coffee anyway). I was able to focus really well; I read a ~300 page book in one sitting.

Today, I took half before work, and half after work, both times with a cup of coffee. I find that it gives me energy, and helps reduce hunger pangs. Today I'm at about 400 calories and I'm feeling a little hungry, but nothing crazy. Overall, I'll probably continue to take it once or twice a week max.

Again, I'm not trying to promote it. EC stacks can be really dangerous for some people.

---

[Discussion] Do you always purge after a binge?
/u/rebeccamb
Created: Fri May 19 19:23:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7qu3/do_you_always_purge_after_a_binge/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Instagram pages
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 19:05:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7nwe/instagram_pages/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] I pooped!!
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Fri May 19 18:34:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7imt/i_pooped/
---
The struggle is real

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I was early for my flight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 18:21:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7gdq/i_was_early_for_my_flight/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Vegan Grocery List Help + Why Do I Keep Stuffing My Face
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 18:21:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c7gca/vegan_grocery_list_help_why_do_i_keep_stuffing_my/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Do any of you have to wear a tooth guard to bed? Do you chew on it and mistake it for food?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Fri May 19 17:35:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c78a2/do_any_of_you_have_to_wear_a_tooth_guard_to_bed/
---
I ask because I wake up in an absolute panic at night because I think my mouth is full of cake/french fries/some other garbage, and it really freaks the ED part of my brain out. It's always just me chewing away at my tooth guard I have to sleep with. It's starting to effect my sleep and it makes me feel crazy (why would I have food in my mouth at 2am while I'm asleep... I wouldn't, stupid brain). I'm not dreaming of food or anything. Someone else does this right, I'm not alone right? =/

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[Help] Ramadan is coming, I don't know how to deal with it
/u/throwaway4823747248
Created: Fri May 19 16:37:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c6xl4/ramadan_is_coming_i_dont_know_how_to_deal_with_it/
---
Hi! So I'm from a muslim family. I myself am confused about my beliefs, but I still love to celebrate religious occasions with the ones I love.

Anyways, the problem is that, during ramadan, I will have to eat with my family. On the regular days, we either don't dine together, or I have an excuse to not eat with them, like "I'm not hungry, I ate earlier". But this is going to be impossible, firstly because this is a very important occasion for them, so it's very disrespectful from me to not eat with them, and also because that excuse is garbage now since I'm supposed to fast all day anyways. Besides, there will be a TON of food and sweets each time we get together to eat, and I know that if I start, I won't be able to control myself and I have no idea how many calories there is in them.

And so, each ramadan, I end up gaining a lot of weight. I can't do this again, especially since I have a deadline for the 29th of august, which means I can't waste a single day if I want to get to my goal weight

I've also been planning to eat 500 a day, fasting the other, and 1200 on sunday for about 4 months. This is my first week and it's going great, and I can't mess it up.

So what do i do?? I don't want to ruin the occasion for my family, but I also don't want to cry myself to sleep after each meal. What do you all think?

And for the fellow muslims who celebrate ramadan, how do you do it?

Thanks for reading :)

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[Thinspo] Marisa Miller
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Fri May 19 16:17:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c6tuf/marisa_miller/
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http://imgur.com/a/fdB2Q

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[Discussion] How attached are you to your ED?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri May 19 16:11:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c6so6/how_attached_are_you_to_your_ed/
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I want honesty. Do you love what you are doing to yourself? Or are you scared to stop? What could you have become if you weren't swallowed up in an eating disorder? Do you romanticize this life?

It's a lot of questions. Feel free to pick and choose or answer them all? Im becoming jaded by the ED community and feeling more alone. Idk why.

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[Discussion] Is anybody else ashamed of their eating disorder because they're in a health field?
/u/futuredust_ [5'8 | CW: 155.8 | LW: 127 | HW: 220]
Created: Fri May 19 16:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c6sin/is_anybody_else_ashamed_of_their_eating_disorder/
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Nurses, dietitians/nutrition field, athletes, etc? I am close to graduating with a B.S. in Nutrition and Dietetics. I've met a surprising number of dietitians and nutrition majors that have/had eating disorders.

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[Discussion] Getting used to eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 15:15:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c6hg7/getting_used_to_eating/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] (Binge) this is why i hate myself... 2000+ calories in under 15 minutes
/u/bed_warrior [5'10" | 277.4 | 38.70 | -55.6lbs | F 27]
Created: Fri May 19 14:19:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c65zv/binge_this_is_why_i_hate_myself_2000_calories_in/
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https://i.redd.it/hn0v4t9mmiyy.png

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[Discussion] Costco trip turned out great!!
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Fri May 19 14:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c651j/costco_trip_turned_out_great/
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I got
chicken cheese melts 160 calories for 1
Potstickers 7 of them babies for 210 calories
Mini quiches 4 of them for 290
I also have a huge sweet tooth so I picked up Milano cookies, 2 for 110 calories.

Yay for Costco. I'm sure they have more options available, but I'm semi broke at the moment :)

btw I tried a potsticker and chicken cheese melt and both are YUM.

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[Other] Finally got some chest/collarbone-age going on.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 14:13:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c64qg/finally_got_some_chestcollarboneage_going_on/
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http://imgur.com/YXOomLj

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[Meme/Humor] Dreaming of food
/u/_pancaste_ [5'6 | 127 | -21]
Created: Fri May 19 14:06:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c637y/dreaming_of_food/
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I'm 2 days into a water fast right now, and I dream of eating. It'll be an incredibly vivid dream, usually featuring me at one of my favourite restaurants, stuffing my face in graphic detail.

Every time this dream happens, I think, "Oh no, I'm breaking my fast and eating, this is so wrong." After a while, I slowly wake myself up, and while waking I think, "Fuck, how much did I eat last night?" Then follows a moment of pure bliss as I realise I got all the mental pleasure of eating food, but none of the calories.

I get these dreams whenever I fast. My bodies knows what it wants, I guess.

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[Discussion] How bad/unrealistic is it really to maintain being underweight?
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 90.2lbs/40.9kgs | 16.04 | -20lbs | GW: recovery | F]
Created: Fri May 19 14:02:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c62au/how_badunrealistic_is_it_really_to_maintain_being/
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I've always had a small appetite, and even when recovering and actively trying to gain weight, I've maintained being fairly into the underweight range for quite a while. My dream is basically to get to a low weight (I know my UGW is just not happening but maybe just below 40kg) and then maintain that. Mostly because I know I've managed to maintain before and that I can feel perfectly fine at lower weights as long as I'm eating enough. And I know being underweight is bad for you, but I'm not sure how much of that is hivemind "muh health" shit. I'm definitely deluding myself a decent amount here, but does anyone think this is realistic?

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[Other] This sub is pretty great
/u/xletdown
Created: Fri May 19 13:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c617z/this_sub_is_pretty_great/
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Hi all!
Longtime lurker of this sub on a different account (RL friends and all that stuff). But daammn this sub is the best! Everyone is so supportive and sweet to each other. I'm grateful for this sub since it gives people opportunities to commiserate with each other. Not in a bad way, but the rants, raves, complaints, whining, and raging are helpful too. The coldness of hands and feet during fasting, the swollen stomach after an abominable binge, the hours befriending the toilet with either end, the coverups and lies, gaaahh the list goes on!
You guys know what I mean; I'm just so happy I'm not alone on the struggle bus.

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[Discussion] Dont take EC stacks on celexa
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 13:08:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c5q9i/dont_take_ec_stacks_on_celexa/
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[deleted]

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Restricting at my grandparents house?
/u/artbookstea
Created: Fri May 19 12:47:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c5lne/restricting_at_my_grandparents_house/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Well shit
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Fri May 19 11:42:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c578t/well_shit/
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My sister told me yesterday that she's concerned I might have an eating disorder and if I don't stop obsessing over my weight she's going to "stage an intervention." I think she's only half serious about the last part but... damn. I agreed to make an appointment to talk to the counselor I used to see. I'm so anxious.

Edited for clarity bc how do you English anyway

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri May 19 11:27:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c53ni/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/nhu73hnxrhyy.jpg

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[Discussion] I'm sick, Let's talk.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 19 11:14:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c50le/im_sick_lets_talk/
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Took too many diet pills yesterday, and have been sick. Bright side is i don't feel like eating anything or going anywhere. I've been browsing proED to pass the time, and thought i'd post some questions that other users could answer if they felt like it (so i have something to read lol)

1. How was your day?

2. What's bothering you? What's on your mind?

3. Did you think life would turn out this way?

4. If you could go back and tell your younger self something, what would it be. If you knew then what you know now, what would you change.

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[Rant/Rave] Doctors! I want to get out- but I'm too scared to speak
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 19 10:31:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c4qjn/doctors_i_want_to_get_out_but_im_too_scared_to/
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Why is it impossible to step out of my own fears and get help?!

I want to sort this mess out. I'm sick of being out of my mind constantly. But I just can't speak up. I know this probably isn't the best sub- but I just can't get the courage to speak up.

I want to know what they'll say, and how they'll react. Why can't I just open up?!

Does anyone have any advice for seeking direct therapist help?

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[Help] [Help] my scale is registering me as a full ten pounds heavier than I should be
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 19 09:47:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c4gcj/help_my_scale_is_registering_me_as_a_full_ten/
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I'm so scared of weighing these days because every time I do it's something completely uncontrolled and random. Like I've talked about before, I've been waiting for the "woosh" down from 106ish to 102ish, but instead what I got is a whale from 106 to 112. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Yesterday I even took diuretics and metamucil to try and clear out my system, but apparently that made things worse even though I've been in the bathroom much of the last twelve hours.
I hate this. Every time I try to change my habits from "exercise 800 calories a day and eat 200" to literally anything more healthy, the universe slaps me in the face and I immediately become a whale again. I haven't even been eating at maintenance...

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[Discussion] Foods that make you quit mid binge?
/u/suns-n-roses
Created: Fri May 19 09:20:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c4a8u/foods_that_make_you_quit_mid_binge/
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Hi guys! This is my first *real* post and the pain of satan's sweet firey hell is what brought me here !!!
I was staring into my pantry planning a full scale weekend ruiner when I found these bad boys ~
http://imgur.com/coX9qZ4 ~ I was excited because I love spicy food but I ate about 10 chips five minutes ago and I'm still on fire!!! That being said I was wondering if there's any food you guys have discovered will throw you off a binge course or just absolutely ruin your appetite! Lol

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[Help] Mother's concern and past ED? How to react?
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'2 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Fri May 19 08:54:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c44ma/mothers_concern_and_past_ed_how_to_react/
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Hi, I am pretty new here but a long time lurker and I have posted before but I just want to say, you guys are amazing and I am such a happier person knowing I am not alone in my thoughts and there are others like me. Thank you.


Now, I want to ask something that has been on my mind for a while now. At 16, my ED really kicked in. I was restricting so much that I lost 50 lbs and dropped to 80 lbs, which was my lowest weight. I was miserable. This was about a year, and then I started recovery and have been bouncing back and forth. Now, I am at a pretty healthy weight, but my weight is always and forever will be fluctuating. Now, at 25, I am almost at the 10 year mark, and I look back at my ED and see the rollercoaster of up and down which is insane to think it has been so long.

My question revolves around family and how they play a role in your ED. My mother in particular. I remember she was always supportive of me eating healthy, working out, etc. Then I got my ED. She got depression and started smoking again, getting me some help, taking me to nutritionists, all that jazz. This geared me into recovery. But since then, I have always had ED thoughts and all that, and my weight has been fluctuating so much. That said, my mom and I are very very close. About two years ago, she cut off cold turkey and stopped commenting or saying anything about my weight. She sees me for who I am and what I do rather than my body, which I really do appreciate.

But the other night, I made a comment like "Oh I wont eat that" and she mentioned I should go talk to someone. We started talking, and she opened up to me. She told me that when she was my age, she had a form of an "ED" which she explains as being "overly picky...." and eating only sweets until she felt sick, and not eating again for a day. She mentioned that she wants to go to counseling together, because shes worried that one day when I have children, I might pass on the ED to my child.

Never in my life did I think my mom and her actions were the cause of my ED, and I am not sure how to react? Does anyone else have tips or ideas?

Sorry this is so long.. I'm just a little shaken up and I probably dont make sense (havent had my coffee yet and I am at work for 4 hours already -.-)

Thank you guys, I LOVE YOU so much! Youre all beautiful.

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[Rant/Rave] Feel like I'm losing control of my life.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Fri May 19 08:52:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c448c/feel_like_im_losing_control_of_my_life/
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My boyfriend and I are fighting and with our opposing personality types - I'm INFJ and he's INTJ - it's just freaking terrible. He makes me feel so shitty and stupid. I spell out exactly what I need from him and he does the opposite, so I call him out on it and it's MY fault?! Or everyone else's fault. NEVER his fault. It's so shitty. I'm so miserable. All I want to do is throw up the fries I ate earlier today but I can't make myself throw up and I'm at work and I'm just so angry and miserable and he's being such a manipulator and I'm just so tired. He's like my only friend/family member/support etc and when things are shitty I feel so lonely and alone and isolated and hopeless. I felt this way two years ago when I checked myself into a hospital. I'm just so tired of how he is. I don't even know. I feel like my life is falling apart.

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[Discussion] HANGOVERS
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 110 | F | 👽]
Created: Fri May 19 08:25:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c3yay/hangovers/
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I'm stupid hung over right now and the only thing that I want is greasy food. How do you guys deal with hang overs? Is there something low calorie that will help? Right now my choice is either feel like shit or eat and hate myself.

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[Rant/Rave] When does it end?
/u/nopenopenpoenope
Created: Fri May 19 08:21:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c3x9f/when_does_it_end/
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I'm so tired. So, so very tired.

It's 30°C today on this bright, Friday afternoon. I'm sitting on the floor of my kitchen wearing a flimsy dress and a winter hat with pom-poms on the top. Empty packages of food, everywhere. Spilt ice cream and maple syrup between tiles that I'll have to wipe up later.

About a month ago I made a post here that I was having issues with huge binges in the 7k+ range. I've probably put on somewhere between 5-10 lbs since then. I don't know the exact number. Don't own a scale, don't care to. How could something like weight even matter? I know I was at a critically low BMI and the reactive eating was probably... necessary. I only hoped it wouldn't re-instill my purging habits, but alas, here we are. 9185 today. It's hilarious that I count. Even knowing I'm going to purge, I can't consume something I don't know the caloric content of. I'm fucking ravenous, still, and I feel angry with myself for this, like how could you have shoved so much down your throat and still feel this way?

I'd eat myself to death if I didn't have severe acid reflux. Nausea, pain, those belches that never end. But in moments where symptoms subside, I realize that even eating at my TDEE I never feel full, or even satisfied. Maybe I never will. This is the price we pay, isn't it?

Not to mention I've been noticing food in my stool lately. Like, food... just there. That's not supposed to happen. Dizzy and dizzy and dizzy, it never stops. And then my eating habits have to dance in circles, too, as if trying to mimic my physical symptoms. Fuck.

Fuck this. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. I guess I'll go for a walk. Strangers will stare at my thinness and I'll be 100% convinced it's because they somehow know I've gained weight, trying to avoid anyone's gaze. I'll swear to myself this will never happen again. Until three or four days from now. Ha. Maybe this can actually be the last time.

I brought all of this upon myself, and I'm answerable for everything.

This is long and nonsensical, sorry. My brain is probably contaminated with vomit.

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[Help] PB2
/u/Skinnytw [5'6 | 113 | 18.48 | F]
Created: Fri May 19 06:58:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c3gob/pb2/
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So I bought PB2. The idea is fantastic: low cal peanut butter with no risk of spooning out of the jar. But there's a huge downside: it has added sugar and salt. For the sugar, I can live with that, I shove enough sugar in my face to not care and still, low calories. But the salt, it tastes awful! How do I fix this? Is there a way to still make it taste good/less salty? I have found no solutions yet to make too salty food taste less salty (as with sour, add more sweet). Or does anyone know of a brand with powdered peanuts without added salt (preferably available in ***)? Or can I make it myself from regular peanuts without too much effort? Does the chocolate version taste better?

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[Help] I don't know what I want and I'm losing who I am
/u/stillweighting [5'4 | CW 130 | GW 99 | LW 107 | F]
Created: Fri May 19 06:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c3e64/i_dont_know_what_i_want_and_im_losing_who_i_am/
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(On mobile so can't flair sorry mods)

Sorry for the depressing title first of all. I'm basically the lowest I've felt in so long.

I'm 24 this year and I'm a receptionist but I fucking HATE it, however I have absolutely no clue what career I want to go into. It doesn't help that all my energy is focused on my stupid ED so I have no motivation to get into gear and sort my life out.

I feel like my ED is also the worst it's ever been and I'm scared, depressed and lonely.

Sorry thanks for listening. If anyone has any advice I guess? Thanks guys

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[Rant/Rave] The mental healthcare system is useless. Could use some support.
/u/FuckItFoodFree [5'3 | 90.2lbs/40.9kgs | 16.04 | -20lbs | GW: recovery | F]
Created: Fri May 19 06:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c3cxn/the_mental_healthcare_system_is_useless_could_use/
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I first developed my ED while in a mental hospital, under the supervision of more than a dozen staffmembers in total.
It was called a hunger strike.

When I finally mustered up the courage to try to tell my last therapist about my ED, he told me not to worry about it. Because I didn't look skinny and people in third world countries survive on barely any food anyway. We're just greedy here in the west. (There's a goddamn reason those are third world countries you fucking idiot holy shit)

Now in the past few months, I've been having appointments to get re-diagnosed. This week I finally got to the stage to get diagnosed with an ED. Now I don't know how many people here have had this torturous conversation, but just in case you haven't ; it's basically a list of questions you get asked. Oh, and the vast majority of them are only about the past month, a select few about the past three months. None go further back. I've been doing okay the past month, only having a mild relapse for the few days leading up to the appointment. This is great news right? And a professional would understand that an ED of three years doesn't go away because of a good month. NOPE. The result of this was my recovery eating habits being picked apart, questioned, and criticised. Not a single question about the panic attacks I've had over the calories in lip balm, about the crippling fear that that speck of dust on my glass of water contains calories. Not a single question about all the times I've stopped eating for long enough to be unable to walk. Nothing about how often I've cried about looking obese despite having a BMI of 16. Just a jeez, you sure do eat a lot of snacks and not very healthy either. I have never felt more ashamed in my life. I had a panic attack when she asked me what my favourite foods are, because there I was, a healthy looking weight, about to tell her how much I love crisps yet completely convinced I'm anorexic. It probably took me about ten minutes to actually answer that question.

I have another appointment to go, but so far in her eyes I don't have a disorder. I have some eating issues, and they will go away on their own once my PTSD is cured. Treatment will not be an option. I've been relapsing to hell since the appointment. It was on Wednesday, I haven't eaten since Tuesday. I've been feeling so sick, and so hungry, but I just can't get it out of my head that if I eat anything she'd call it yet another snack and think I'm fat and greedy. And the thing is I shouldn't eat. Even if I wanted to, even if I could. Fasting until my next appointment is the best chance I have at ever getting the option to get treatment. Which, for the record, is massively fucked up. I'm weak. I can't concentrate, I can barely walk. I'm goddamn terrified of the shit my heart is doing. And there is zero help available. Because I'm only like this half the time.

Fuck the mental healthcare system.

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[Rant/Rave] In residential for one night. Wanna check myself out already.
/u/saIad_days [5'3 | 106.2 | F]
Created: Fri May 19 06:18:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c39sz/in_residential_for_one_night_wanna_check_myself/
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Ugh all I want is to learn to stop binging. Their meal plan has me on 2400 cals. My TDEE is 1400. My BMI is like 20. I don't need to gain weight, CERTAINLY not 2 lbs a week. All of us bingers here are on weight gain diets.

If I can't convince my dietitian to give me a weight maintenance plan I'm honestly just gonna leave.

UPDATE: lol she said this meal plan isn't **enough**, it's just a starting point and it's only going up not down. What.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 19 06:14:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c392x/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_19/
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This is the weekly picture thread for May 19, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 19 06:13:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c3926/daily_food_diary_may_19_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[NSFW] Shirataki Noodles almost gave me a heart attack
/u/keitteh
Created: Fri May 19 06:09:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c38ac/nsfw_shirataki_noodles_almost_gave_me_a_heart/
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So last night I really wanted to eat, and was ready to binge af. But instead I used my willpower to instead make a huge shirataki noodle, veggie broth and garlic soup for 100 calories MAX (I weighed out the broth- that was 40 cal and the noodles were 20, I put in garlic from the container that was in olive oil so I'm overestimating juuuuust in case). Like I had a big bowl of it last night and still have a big takeout soup container full for today too.

But ok here's the NSFW part (heh, I'm at work). I managed to go to the gym this morning and rewarded myself with a grande almond milk latte (100kC) as I haven't been able to wake up early this whole week and Friday is better than never. I drink it while sitting in my work parking lot, and well, the coffee does its thing, so I head to the bathroom. But when I poop, and look down, I'm horrified. It looks like I have WORMS!!!! Like really long ones. And then I realized, duh noodles I didn't chew in my soup. But for a moment I thought my worst nightmare came true.

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[Discussion] Do you feel like your ED has got worse or better over time?
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Fri May 19 05:52:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c35j5/do_you_feel_like_your_ed_has_got_worse_or_better/
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When I was younger, everything felt more intense. The hatred was stronger, the restrictions were crazier. I actually got afraid of restricting for years - or more accurately, fear of the feeling of being hungry, because I had this thing where I would throw up when I was hungry and I thought it was a physical thing (whereas it was more of a psychological feeling).

My depression slowly became more part of me, something 'under the surface', than it was when I was younger, and the edges of the depression wore off a lot when I started on the implant. Same with the restrictions, I've lost a lot of the depressive feelings of it, a lot of the self hatred that first kick started it, but stronger came the feeling of needing control and wanting to be the best and successful.

So that's where I'm at... least depressed but more determined? Probably better but it's morphed a lot. Would love to hear your stories <3

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[Other] [Other] calling all psyllium huskers...
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Fri May 19 04:52:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c2we4/other_calling_all_psyllium_huskers/
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In your experience, how long does psyllium husk take to work its magic? I'm a first time user and also super impatient.

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[Other] Little Miss Perfect on Youtube
/u/Suusss
Created: Fri May 19 04:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c2vqr/little_miss_perfect_on_youtube/
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in HORRIBLE quality !
(mods delete this if someone has already mentioned it - but it came out in technicolor potato quality on the 8th - and it will probably we taken down soon due to copyright?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPjCEngEzw

but idk when this movie trailer came out I was v interested - the movie theme is set on "beauty and the beast" - both being contained within a 13/14/15-yo who has ED

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[Other] I'm so happy my favorite drink is only 26 calories a bottle. Do they only have Rivella in the Netherlands or other places too?
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Fri May 19 04:39:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c2umo/im_so_happy_my_favorite_drink_is_only_26_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/a3kd9bc5rfyy.jpg

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[Other] I don't understand calories?? [Help/other?]
/u/fxckyouaurora [5'6"|125|GW1:118]
Created: Fri May 19 04:07:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c2q6p/i_dont_understand_calories_helpother/
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Okay so yesterday I had in total 3404 cal. (Please don't judge me).

1012 was from meals and drinks I accounted for.

792 was from a binge on crisps (didn't purge, toilet's broke, that's a whole other thing though)

1600 was from alcohol.

But I woke up this morning at 54.9kg whereas the past two days I've been around 56/56.5.

This is why I rarely count alcohol calories??? It's like, if I don't eat anything really stodgy or have a massive binge while I'm drinking then it doesn't seem to 'show'. But why.

(Also, I love you all and hope you're well. xx)

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[Help] Any room for a prospective?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 19 03:02:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c2hr3/any_room_for_a_prospective/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Borderline personality disorder and ED
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 214 | -22lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Fri May 19 01:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c24je/borderline_personality_disorder_and_ed/
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So, I've been reading my psychology books and something keeps coming up.

Borderline personality disorder.

In diagnosis they lost a bunch of traits people diagnosed with the disorder have including (not limited to) : self harm, anger, out of touch with reality/paranoia, depression, fear of abandonment and ding, ding, ding eating disorders.

So, I have many of the traits listed including three EDs that have been confirmed by seperate doctors. I'm thinking of going in to talk to someone to improve my relationships.

I really don't want to be forced to stop tracking food or weightloss although if I start bindging again I've asked the husband to duct tape my mouth shut.

Just wondering if anyone here has been diagnosed with this and what their experience with the doctors has been.

TL;DR: Are you boarderline and obsessed with food? How is that?

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[Rant/Rave] How is this fucking plateau even possible
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Fri May 19 01:06:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c23wj/how_is_this_fucking_plateau_even_possible/
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I have plateaued for almost two weeks now. Twice I weighed in at 103, but on most days, my weight has been at exactly 104. Doesn't matter what and how much I ate, pooped, exercised, I was on my period ffs and this fucking number won't budge. This is on our bathroom scale, my own secret scale (yeah I'm weird like that) and the scale in my friend's bathroom.

I'm not new to losing weight, I have successfully done it before. I know how to log foods and accurately count calories - in fact, I always round them up. I'll admit that I don't restrict that hard, around 1000 rn but that is still way below my TDEE!

I'm so angry at myself and the world lol. It's pathetic but I'm so desperate to lose weight. I want to fast or restrict lower but I can't because I will binge and even gain weight. My next gw is 100 and I thought I was close but it's just not happening. I feel like the never-changing number is mocking me.

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[Other] Online mental health research study
/u/stephanieprice28
Created: Fri May 19 00:45:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c21a3/online_mental_health_research_study/
---
NOTE: This survey is now closed. Thanks for participating. If you have questions or would like to receive a copy of the results, please contact us.

California State University San Marcos
Scale Validation Survey II (IRB Code Number: 893513-1)

A self-report questionnaire is being developed for people with various psychiatric diagnoses. This study aims to examine if this questionnaire is measuring the phenomenon of interest. We hope that our research will lead to further research and potential clinical applications. You must have a formal psychiatric diagnosis, be fluent in English, and be at least 18 years of age to participate. This study is open to US and non-US residents. You are not eligible to participate if you participated in our recent interview and survey studies. This survey takes approximately 15 to 25 minutes to complete.

To participate in this online research study, please visit: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/FBBPVB6

To learn more about this research study, please contact the researcher, Stephanie Price (price049@cougars.csusm.edu), or the advisor, Dr. Heike Mahler (hmahler@csusm.edu).

---

[Discussion] Bmi guess?
/u/alldaaddarall
Created: Thu May 18 23:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c1rkk/bmi_guess/
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https://i.redd.it/1nehcdhi8eyy.jpg

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[Other] I binged and didn't purge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 22:51:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c1lig/i_binged_and_didnt_purge/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Rant] DAE get disciplined when your ED is getting worse?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 21:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c17dk/rant_dae_get_disciplined_when_your_ed_is_getting/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've lost almost 25 pounds this month
/u/chaosnanny [5'6 | way too much | -50lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 18 21:13:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c15kn/ive_lost_almost_25_pounds_this_month/
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And all it took was my dad dying, a tree falling on my house, my best friend and her daughter getting into a massive car accident, getting moved to a new classroom at work with zero warning, and having no idea where I'm going to live come Monday.

Silver linings I guess?

Sorry, I really needed to let that all out.

---

[Rant/Rave] So... People actually do this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 20:29:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0xlq/so_people_actually_do_this/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Relapsing on Purging while in ED treatment - afraid to tell anyone but I feel I should
/u/d0p3girl
Created: Thu May 18 20:28:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0xet/relapsing_on_purging_while_in_ed_treatment_afraid/
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I posted this elsewhere, but I thought I should actually try posting here since I feel that you guys would understand.

So I'm at a rehab for eating disorder and drugs. I'm still in the program, but it's a transitional kind of program, so there's more freedom (which is why I have my phone).

Anyway, I started purging again after eating a few foods I felt I should not have ate. And I feel bad but at the same time I'm relieved that I got that food out. I want to tell my therapist, but I'm afraid that I'll be sent back to residential, and I was doing so well up until the past few weeks. It started with me eating the same thing every day, but then when I ate something that was different, it made me feel really bad.

But like my dietician never noticed that I ate the same thing every day, and she thinks I'm doing so well, and it sucks if I have to say that I'm purging because in residential, if you're purging, they don't let you flush the toilet and don't let you use the toilet without someone there, and yea imagine trying to poop on your period :/ Sorry if that's TMI, but that's just perspective.

I just feel bad for letting down my parents because they thought I was doing really well, which I kind of was. I don't want to do downers anymore. I still have reservations about uppers but I know I never want to do opiates or benzos again.

I'm just really anxious because my mom is visiting me and her thoughts are very centered on food. She was constantly commenting on my body, or telling me to eat less or don't eat, and she mocks me sometimes for binging on certain foods and makes a joke out of my ED because she only ever sees the binging part.

---
**tl;dr**: Relapsing on ED behavior, feel really bad, don't want to tell anyone but feel likes i should. Should I tell them tomorrow or wait like a week to see if I at least stop?

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[Discussion] How do you guys estimate actual calories burned?
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 18 20:07:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0tlu/how_do_you_guys_estimate_actual_calories_burned/
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I know that workout machines aren't very accurate. Sometimes they seem waaayyy off. Like in a discouraging way. (Machine says 400 calories. Website calculator says 200.)

So what do you guys do about that?

(*other than lie down and cry*)

How do you calculate it?

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[Help] What to eat when drinking alcohol!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 20:04:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0sz7/what_to_eat_when_drinking_alcohol/
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Hellllp I'm going to a party tomorrow aka I'll be drinking a lot of alcohol (I need to get drunk because it gets me rid of my social phobia, so don't tell me Not to drink!)
Problem is that I Have to eat something while drinking, or else I'll feel sick and vomit. What can I eat, that isn't too fattening?
Or is there an alternative to eating, in order to prevent getting ill from drinking on an empty stomach??

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[Discussion] Those who you who have quit purging for an extended amount of time, after how many days were you able to see the swelling go down in your face?
/u/blushinggloom
Created: Thu May 18 19:54:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0r1j/those_who_you_who_have_quit_purging_for_an/
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Purging makes my face so bloated and puffy. I hate how my face looks and want to quit purging too..

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[Rant/Rave] Still having a shit time on my vacation 😪
/u/Vio1et [155cm | 46kg | 19 | f]
Created: Thu May 18 19:28:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0mbd/still_having_a_shit_time_on_my_vacation/
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So if you didn't read my last post, to summarize I'm on vacation and on the second night I found out my best friend and the guy I've been seeing had sex and it totally fucked me up mentally for obvious reasons. So I've been really stressed out and when I'm stressed I pretty much lose my appetite.

Cut to dinner last night with my family.

Mom: "Are you gonna eat that beef?"

Me: "Why, do you want some?"

Mom: "No I want you to eat your food and not get skinny from stress."

THANKS, MOM. THAT IS SO HELPING.

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[Rant/Rave] Giving up traveling for my ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 19:13:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0jgz/giving_up_traveling_for_my_ed/
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[deleted]

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[Help] So i ate and now im in pain??
/u/CatchTheWhale
Created: Thu May 18 18:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0gkw/so_i_ate_and_now_im_in_pain/
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So I'm not a calorie counter or think too much about restricting or anything too serious, i just kinda look at what i can eat, what I will eat, and kinda mentally figure out shit. Typically i don't eat all day until dinner.

This isn't something I continually do, this has only been going on for like 2.5 months. (I've had other periods of limited eating/appetite. This is just my current bout of it.)

So I was eating a burger and suddenly i was in so much fucking pain. Like halfway through ONE burger, just meat and a bun nothing on it. It feels like when you swallow water wrong. It Fucking HURTS.

What is this about???

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[Discussion] Dream home!
/u/yaboyspissed
Created: Thu May 18 18:47:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0eo3/dream_home/
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Anyone else here have like a fantasy ED dream house/living condition?

I know sure as heck I do! For me it'd be a cheap 1 bedroom apt. or heck even a bachelor pad. I'd have only a bed and a desk for my computer but that's it. I'll live alone in complete solitude and only ever buy enough food for me to need exactly. Tonnes of tea, eggs, and oatmeal but that's about it, can't binge on food that isn't there. I'll only have one small plate, a small bowl, teenie tiny fork and spoon, and a single mug for tea and coffee. I just want to have a really minimalist style place to live to fit the desire to be thin 😭😭😭 is that too much to ask for?

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[Rant/Rave] A half introduction half rant
/u/thanatognomonic [5'4" | CW 135 | GW 99]
Created: Thu May 18 18:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0c67/a_half_introduction_half_rant/
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Hi everyone! I've been a lurker for a few months but never made an account to post. Decided it was time because this sub might finally get me in check. I'm sad my first post is going to be so negative but if I don't rant right now I may explode.

Some background: I've had disordered eating for a really long time. About 2 years ago I was at my lowest weight ever (think kpop star skinny.) But I let myself loose. I got into a huge binge cycle that i'm still trapped in 2 years later. It's brought me to my HW, 40 pounds heavier, and it's been hell. I'll restrict for a month and then binge my way back. I'll try to eat "healthy" and I binge my way back. But today is the last straw.

I'm still fairly young, so I'm still in school. Today at lunch I was with my friends when one of the girls sits down with a quarter of a salad wrap and exclaims "I am trying so hard to lose weight, guys." She then goes on to talk on what she's done for the past week: eating only lunch and running on the treadmill until her legs give out. And honestly, I believe her. I don't think she was doing it for attention, because she's sooo much thinner than she was 2 months ago. It's noticeable.
Then, 2 minutes later, someone else says "I want to get cake but I don't want to get fat." Everyone then starts saying quotes that sound straight off a pro ana website from 2006 to encourage her to not eat the cake. "Think about it, that cake will be good for like 2 seconds, and then what? You're 10 pounds heavier for something you won't even remember." "The cake is temporary, but your instagram selfies aren't." etc, etc.
And I, mindlessly shoving my 2nd piece of cake into my big fat mouth, looked around at all the salads my friends were eating, and took all my might to not break down from shame. If I didn't have an immense fear of throwing up I would have run to the bathroom and puked right then and there. I'm so ashamed of myself and how big I've gotten and how I'm always called "curvy" and "thick" and "voluptuous" and "busty".

I just want to crawl into a hole and die. So here I am. If I hang out on here a bit maybe I won't feel like such a big piece of shit all the time. Maybe I'll get myself together. Next time, I'll be the one with the willpower.

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[Discussion] What keeps you from completely giving yourself to your ED?
/u/hidden-figure [5'10" | 115 | 16.5 | 31F]
Created: Thu May 18 18:26:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c0adc/what_keeps_you_from_completely_giving_yourself_to/
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I love to read this site in the interstices of my days and wish I could comment more, but I've also heard that it can be nice to add new posts. So here goes:

What keeps you from being completely consumed by your ED?

For me, it's mostly the obvious answers: my family, my job (needed to sustain my family and fulfill me as a person).

BUT there are some memories to react against, too. When I was last hospitalized at 21, I met a 25-year-old with revolving-door syndrome... She showed up to the ward with her own Winnie-the-Pooh sheets, had nothing in her life besides her ED, and tried to be a rabble-rouser amongst patients against "unfair" treatment by the staff who were just following the protocol of their jobs. Although I don't remember her name, she continues to play an important role in keeping myself functional and engaged.

Bonus question: what keeps you from recovering?

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Restrict, fast, restrict, binge, restrict...
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Thu May 18 18:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c07mp/rant_restrict_fast_restrict_binge_restrict/
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That's my new pattern. I've been logging my food using the Lose It app for a few weeks now (prefer it to MFP btw), and it is just so glaringly obvious how fucked up I am. I am never comfortable with a routine of any kind. I have to make everything complicated and hurt myself in myriad ways, rather than sticking to one. My boyfriend is concerned, my mother is concerned, and I am withdrawn from my friends again. My mother is super unobservant but even she noticed I look like death.

I actually snapped at my boyfriend the other day when he was trying to feed me pizza, "I don't know why you keep trying to feed me when skinny is clearly your type." His eyes were so wide and he was speechless. He knew I was talking about his ex, who is a high maintenance short bleached blonde skinny bitch with fake tits and who knows what else. (Probably the only thing I have in common with her is ED behavior.) He looked hurt and confused, but he just cuddled me. Even though I was being horrible to him.

Then two days ago I made a joke about food being my religion and he said, "You say that, but you look like you're losing weight." It wasn't a compliment, it wasn't an innocent observation-- he was calling me out because he knows I've been lying. His eyes were watering. And I'm not even skinny. I have the tiniest of thigh gaps on a good day. I know full well that I can maintain a healthy weight without too much effort. I am just insane and I want to keep losing.

I'm sorry if I come off judgmental and horrible right now. I am PMSing, I am sad, and I just wish that I didn't want to keep eating. I wish my dark circles would go away. I wish I wasn't so tired.

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[Discussion] Is there a community like this on Facebook? Or would anyone be interested if I started one?
/u/Discountmein
Created: Thu May 18 18:08:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c06z3/is_there_a_community_like_this_on_facebook_or/
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I run a fairly popular group on Facebook for people who struggle with mental health issues (DM for deets if you want, it's very casual and open) and it got me thinking that a group like this could be really beneficial. Exactly the same atmosphere, but we could choose a different name (or not! I've just heard people express discomfort with it since we're not promoting eating disorders). I could set it so that its invitation only and only add people from here, but it might be nice to see on our regular feed.

I also want to say that I can completely see why this would be super uncomfortable (lacking anonymity, Facebook is a more public platform, etc...) so mods please feel free to remove this if it's a totally bad idea!!

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[Rant/Rave] Ughhhhh..... why does purging chips have to be so hard?
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Thu May 18 17:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c04u6/ughhhhh_why_does_purging_chips_have_to_be_so_hard/
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I know I shouldn't even buy them, but I just spent the better part of an hour trying to get all of them out of my system. My douchey roommate accused me of smoking pot and I got real angry and drained an entire bag. I haven't eaten anything today, and so even if I did eat them all it'd only be like 1200 callories, but that just seems like an absurd number. I ended up getting most of them out, I hope, but it's hard to be sure. They come out all clumpy and hard. I had to puke 20 or 25 times to get to the point where I was mostly dry-heaving.



Fuckin' hell. I should just eat ice-cream, I don't even need to cram my fingers down my throat to get that out.


In other news, does anybody know how long it takes callories to kick in? I purged a good half hour after eating the bag.

Hope I haven't just reset my week-long fast. Frig.

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[Rant/Rave] Why do I even try
/u/denimlemonade [5'4" | CW 153.8 | 26.9 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 17:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6c007u/why_do_i_even_try/
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I'm so sick of everything. I'm never going to be able to lose any weight. I restrict just long enough to think I might actually make progress and then I binge for 3 times as long. Sometimes I just want to give up on life and eat until my stomach literally explodes.

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[Rant/Rave] |Rant| Up three pounds in water weight :) :) :)
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Thu May 18 17:28:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzz7x/rant_up_three_pounds_in_water_weight/
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Why can't I lose weight like a normal person? It's like when I restrict my body holds onto every little thing and refuses to lose until I force it into submission. Gaining weight with my deficit is literally impossible, yet the number on the scale gradually increases just to mock me and my efforts.

I'm scared to let myself eat what I want this weekend even though I know this has to be from excess sodium, carbs, water, or waste. Maybe eating at maintenance will give my body a little push? I've heard that that's a thing but I've never tried it. Idk, this just feels ridiculous. What's the point.

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[Discussion] My weird brain
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 18 16:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzj8k/my_weird_brain/
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I'm curious to hear your guys' thoughts on this. (Might be a long-ish post. Im sorry) Part of my messed up body image comes from me having a messed up childhood, I think. I don't really remember ever being taken care of. Not when I was sick or upset or anything. My mom never really abused me, per se, but she was neglectful.
Would spend child support money on herself (so I always had old clothing, etc.) Would forget to pack lunch for me for school, and in elementary she never gave me a blanket for nap time..etc. I feel such a strong desire to be taken care of(even though at the same time, I pretend like I'm stubborn and independent because I don't want to seem needy). I'm a foot shorter than my boyfriend and I want to be even smaller. I want to be nurtured, looked after.
I'm sorry, I'm a little drunk and a lot tired and this might not make any sense. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

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[Intro] So my intro!
/u/ifthevs [5'5 | 98 | 16.5 | -25 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 16:01:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzh6q/so_my_intro/
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Well i have been creeping around but i guess it takes some inebriation to introduce itself. Hello! I wish i was more outgoing but ya know anxiety. So, still not sure how i eneded up here, i have always been underweight but worse for quite awhile and seems to be polite to make an intro 😊 you're all good people and i just feel ready to maybe actively participate! Please don't hate me, i realize I'm a mess and have always been technically underweight but yet i still want to lose so, this is just hello lovely people! You keep me a bit more sane ♡

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[Rant/Rave] The depression is real
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Thu May 18 15:59:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzgsv/the_depression_is_real/
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I've been in a really poor depressive state these past two months, but today has been just horrible. I'm in danger of failing some classes unless I get high scores on my last exams, and it's stressing me the shit out. I've had 1800 calories today and I want to keep binging because it's the only way I know how to cope. I'm showering twice a week, my room is a mess, I have to visit my abusive mother in two weeks, and my dog peed on the floor three days ago but I can't bring myself to clean it up. I feel so hopeless. I can't do anything. I just want to eat and eat until I explode and die.

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[Rant/Rave] My own personal walk of shame
/u/dec4y [5'3 | hugh mungus|gw:100lbs|-10lbs|f]
Created: Thu May 18 15:56:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzg6t/my_own_personal_walk_of_shame/
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I used to cs when i first started restricting. I was never suuuuper into it until recently.
Awhile ago, I binged for months, every day, after hitting my lowest weight ever. I thought the next day that well I'm the lowest ive ever been, I deserve this treat. The rest of the week I had potlucks and family dinners and "couldnt" avoid food. And I got used to eating again.
But last week I started nutrisystem, and while i am eating all my food (for the most part) my daily intake is under 1000. And old habits have started coming back. I can't go over 1000 calories. I drink water between every bite to feel full. And now, since im only supposed to be eating diet food, Ive started killing my cravings by cs-ing. The biggest difference between now and when I first started restricting is that then nobody cared. Nobody saw me or listened to me or noticed at all. But now my boyfriend knows every in and out of my ED. Like, he knows everything. So now I'm watched every time I eat, he listens when im in the bathroom to make sure I dont purge (I still do at work, but I try not to because I cant lie and I dont want him to find out), etc. Soooo basically my replacement from purging is just cs.
And today, after spitting out chinks of granola bar into a bag, I got to try to avoid his mom and him and anyone else on the way to the bathroom to get rid of my shameful bag of pre-chewed food. Honestly its like... super embarrassing. Walking to the bathroom after cheating on my 300$ diet i literally cant afford, to get rid of the evidence. I feel like a kid trying to cover up the fact that i cut my own hair or painted the dog or something.
I know a lot of you already understand this and I'm kinda sorry for the long pointless post but you're the only people i can really talk to anymore. ED problems, huh? Lol.

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Should I talk to my friend about eating disorders?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 15:42:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzd5v/should_i_talk_to_my_friend_about_eating_disorders/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Weight gain/water weight from steroids. Please help!
/u/iPood_ [5'0" | 101 | 19.7 | -50 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 15:33:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bzb4h/weight_gainwater_weight_from_steroids_please_help/
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I'm in hospital for a pretty serious health issue and they gave me steroids via IV yesterday. I woke up today and freaked the fuck out. I can grab inches around my thighs, stomach etc. It is not like regular fat either. The fat around my stomach is shaped like the waistband of the leggings I fell asleep in last night. I have been distraught all day to the point where they wanted to sedate me several times. I can't even look at myself right now.

Obviously I'm refusing any more steroids but I'm crying and freaking out over how I look now. I'm not eating because I have a procedure tomorrow morning, what else can I do? Has anyone been through this, and how long will it take to get rid of the weird, clumpy fat thats stuck around my stomach and thighs and neck (wtf)? I honestly look scary right now.

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[Other] I just thought about this, can anyone relate?
/u/queenbeyoncexo [5'4" | CW 148.2 lbs | -11.8 lbs | GW 120 lbs | 22F]
Created: Thu May 18 15:26:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bz9m9/i_just_thought_about_this_can_anyone_relate/
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This is my first time posting so sorry if I'm out of line anywhere.
I'm sure it's been brought up in this subreddit before but does anyone feel like ED doesn't EVER go away? Or even just the ED mentality? I thought I was fine, normal, but even now I'm back to challenging myself and trying to restrict as much as I can. It took me a while to come out of denial and realize that my mentality with food is still the same as it was years ago 😓

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[Rant/Rave] I need a short term strategy to pass as a normie
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 15:12:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bz6ev/i_need_a_short_term_strategy_to_pass_as_a_normie/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Lost 6 pounds!!! In 3 days!!! 🙏🏼👏🏼
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 14:49:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bz17i/lost_6_pounds_in_3_days/
---
as i type this though, my coworker (who is easily a size 0) offered me mozzarella sticks from sonic so i had one and she threw the rest away. here i am seriously considering getting them out of the trash....at work.... like bitch.....whom am i

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[Intro] Intro/ramble
/u/flyingmonkeyssaymoo
Created: Thu May 18 14:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6byzu7/introramble/
---
I haven't done a proper intro even though I've been commenting cuz I used to be here on another alt. Anyway I'm just your avg American blob. I don't have an ed. More disordered eating. Definitely a history of binging and a failure at restricting. I'm trying (and for the past two weeks have been doing pretty well) at restricting more regularly and when I do binge being wayyyy under my TDEE/BMR whatever. (Perks of being fat I guess). I'm currently on lexapro for depression and anxiety and I also have trich so it only makes sense I have to be neurotic and perfectionist in fucking everything I do. Idk what else to say except I'm so glad I live a walking distance from home. 2 miles is a great walk to get in every day and it gives me time to read this sub.

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[Rant/Rave] Still truckin'
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 14:12:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bysge/still_truckin/
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18 hours into my fast and I just got back from a dietician appointment. I'm still in the clear, and she has no suspicions that I'm lying. I felt kind of guilty and really thought about going back to my meal plan, especially because I'm traveling next week. As soon as I got home I made a cup of coffee and kept going. Zero hunger cues, a little tired but okay. I'm a little conflicted straddling the fence of full on relapse and recovery, but for right now I'm just focused on losing some weight before going back to maintaining.

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Today is day 4 of eating 100 calories or less!
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Thu May 18 14:00:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bypkf/today_is_day_4_of_eating_100_calories_or_less/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My period needs to go the fuck away.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Thu May 18 13:49:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bymtd/my_period_needs_to_go_the_fuck_away/
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It's impossible to keep to my calorie and fasting goals when I am on my period. No amount of drinking water or anything is helping. I've averaged 600 - 700 calories on my fast days and 2000 on not-fast days and I am up 10 lbs. I hate hate hate this.

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[Discussion] DAE love Adderall?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 13:43:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bylia/dae_love_adderall/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Can People Just STOP Commenting On My Appearance Already?! (Foul Language Warning)
/u/Pans_Flabyrinth [5'5.75" | 105.8 | BMI: 17 | -28.2 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 13:41:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6byl1l/can_people_just_stop_commenting_on_my_appearance/
---
Christ on a stick, I am sick to the teeth of other people's comfort with critiquing my body. This week alone it's happened 4 times.

-Went out with some older male friends that I used to work with. The one that I'm closest to (sort of a father figure but in a very Oedipal way - it's a long story and for brevity I am omitting it here but I'm happy to answers any questions you folks might have) kept grabbing the backs of my arms and making jokes about my eating habits (or lack thereof) and how I'm "trying to get down to birth weight". - I get that he only does it because he feels comfortable with me, and I've always known about and accepted his sociopathic mean-streak, but dude. Please don't *pinch my fucking fat* and then tell me how thin I look. It just makes me extra, extra conscious of my body.

-At a bar *in front of other people* my husband pointed out how bony my shoulders and elbows are looking and how now that my elbow is the widest part of my arm (a goal I had mentioned to him a while back) I should be allowed to eat more, right? Right? - What the fucking fuck? I can not fathom why my *husband* would think bringing this issue up and putting me on blast in front of our acquaintances would be remotely appropriate. What was the end goal? To *shame* me into recovery? To get a table full of people we frequently socialize with to side with him that I'm "too skinny"? Did he really think that was helpful? I just...I have no words.

-At a strip club I used to work in I ran into a girl that had worked there when I did (though we were never anything close to what I would call friends). She proceeded to tell me how "great" I look, but that I really shouldn't lose anymore because I'm "really close" to looking unhealthy. "But you look really great now though." - Fuck. Off. We were never friends. We don't talk. Literally *nothing* about my life is in any way any of her business. Her "compliment" was so transparently back-handed it left me seething. But being non-confrontational I just smiled and thanked her and walked away. Which just makes me more angry. I'm such a coward. I should have told her that her tits are nice at *this* size, but that she shouldn't later get even larger implants because her boobs would just look grotesque.

-My best friend ruined our night out together by constantly mentioning how "awesomely skinny" I looked while talking about how bloated and gross and fat she felt. Later, when I kept receiving compliments about my outfit, she decided she was "tired" and wanted to go home early - Wonderful. Because making me responsible for *your* body image problems and piling on the guilt is just what I need right now. Thanks a million.

I just don't get it. If I had gained 30 lbs instead of lost it, not one of those people would have felt so fucking entitled to spew forth their shitty opinions and draw unnecessary attention to my body. It's enraging. I would never, ever, ever comment on someone's body unless they explicitly asked me to. It's just so fucking rude and I can't grasp why people seem to think it's acceptable. "Society perceiving thinness as intrinsically attractive and thus comments regarding it are considered intrinsically complimentary" is not an excuse. The things people are saying (with the exception of my bestie) are clearly not compliments. Why bother beating around the bush then? If people are going to tell me I look like shit, I'd rather they just fucking say it then. This sugar-coated, trying-to-be-subtle-but-feel-my-opinion-is-just-too-important-to-keep-to-myself, "I'm worried about you" bullshit is getting really old really fast.

/rant

---

[Help] [Help] constipation and bloating/water weight?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 13:20:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6byfx9/help_constipation_and_bloatingwater_weight/
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I know a lot of us struggle with them so what are your remedies? And does anyone know how long post-constipation it takes for a stomach to be empty?

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[Rant/Rave] Interrupted plans
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 12:55:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6by9xz/interrupted_plans/
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I've got this half marathon on Saturday so I want to be nourished so I was going to start fasting/restricting on Monday but it's my brothers birthday on Wednesday but he's busy that night and my parents are divorced so I have to go out to eat TWICE next week. Guess I'm only eating dinner lol. Gotta have the self restraint to save half of it, I'm an eat your whole meal kind of girl. Haha

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[Other] You look frail.....
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Thu May 18 12:46:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6by7xe/you_look_frail/
---
Had a coworker ask me when I was going to stop losing weight because I "Look Frail".

Best compliment ever

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[Rant/Rave] I really don't want to binge...
/u/notlion [5'9.5" | 23.7 | -47 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 11:56:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bxvd2/i_really_dont_want_to_binge/
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I feel a binge coming on. I lost 5 lbs last week and my hands have a mind of their own right now and want to shove food in my mouth even though I don't WANT to eat. Ugh. I hate how trapped I feel in my own body.

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[Rant/Rave] I want to physically dwindle away into nothing.
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 18 11:49:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bxtw7/i_want_to_physically_dwindle_away_into_nothing/
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I want to see the numbers lower past my goal weight, past the double digits, right down to zero. I want to literally disappear and never take up space again. I want my entire existence to just vanish, erased forever.

It's barely about my looks, though I can't say that's not part of it. I just want to be nothing.

(I'm on mobile, but I don't even know what I'd flair this. Discussion or something.)

---

[Rant/Rave] [rave] today is my birthday
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Thu May 18 10:27:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bxabm/rave_today_is_my_birthday/
---
Today is my birthday! I have been binging like crazy lately due to a shitty week, but my SO is taking me to a fancy restaurant for my dinner. So I was looking through my closet for my favorite dress that I've been afraid to try on for fear of it being too tight. I tried it on this morning AND ITS LOOSE ON ME. it's a fitted skirt with a flowy top and the skirt is LOOSE! I'm so excited lol

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[Rant/Rave] Passed out at work!!
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Thu May 18 10:21:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bx8ts/passed_out_at_work/
---
They sent me home yay!! /s

But seriously idk why I passed out I ate last night and even had some crackers when I started feeling faint

Maybe going to the dr and I'm scared

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] ugh. Tiny whine.
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Thu May 18 10:11:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bx6e2/rantrave_ugh_tiny_whine/
---
I know I'm being whiny and irrational but wtf body.

GAINED 3lbs in 2 days. I know it's not actual weight gain because I've been in heavy restriction (save for last night - 900 calories, GASP). BUT it still feels shit and I feel puffy and the most exciting thing about waking up in the morning when you're smashing it at restriction is to see the number go down.

I need a whoosh as in now.

---

[Rant/Rave] When I'm binging I don't visit as often
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Thu May 18 09:46:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bx0i0/when_im_binging_i_dont_visit_as_often/
---
Because if I'm eating everything I see I'm not allowed to say I have a disorder right? Not like I starved off 30 lbs in 45 days, repeatedly. Gaining back 10 in a week is normal.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu May 18 09:44:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bx00e/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/zgsqw5bj4ayy.jpg

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[Discussion] Wtb short term summer clothes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 09:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bwyjc/wtb_short_term_summer_clothes/
---
[deleted]

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I can't lose weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 08:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bwkr0/i_cant_lose_weight/
---
[removed]

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[Help] In between sizes but nothing fits? This might not make sense but can someone maybe help?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Thu May 18 08:25:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bwibf/in_between_sizes_but_nothing_fits_this_might_not/
---
(Sorry I keep posting like all the time but I don't have friends IRL really and I can't really talk to my BF about my ED because he... doesn't really know I have one.)

ANYWAY....

So I was always around the same weight, like 120 lbs so all my clothes fit my 120 lb body. Now I'm losing weight, down to 142. Woo!

But I only have like two sets of pants - the ones that fit at 120lb and the ones that fit at 160lb. My shirts have still fit me basically the whole time, so it's only the pants I'm having issues with.

I got the pants that fit me at 160 like a couple months ago, and those clearly are too big, but obv the clothes I wore at 120 don't fit either currently.

But I'm wondering what the fuck I wore when I weighed between 120-160?! Like it's not like I went to sleep 120 and woke up at 160 the next day. There was like 6 months in between those two weights (yep gained really fast during a crazy binge season).... so what did I wear? My 120lb pants don't fit me now, and neither do my 160lb pants.

What the hell am I supposed to wear?!

It's honestly a mystery how I stuffed myself into 120lb clothes for so long apparently.

I'm just confused.

This was super rambly - sorry.

---

[Rant/Rave] The new scales arrived!
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Thu May 18 08:05:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bwdxj/the_new_scales_arrived/
---
And my weight is 3 pounds less than it was 3(?) days ago, so I have a whoosh going on :) Thank goodnesssss.
I loveee it because it has all this data like muscle mass, body fat, BMR, visceral fat etc. Obviously it's nowhere near as accurate as getting this measured the proper way, but it's pretty cool. More data to play with! :)
My bf likes it too although he doesn't like that his stats are red, hehe.

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[Other] Not buying bullshit lunch food at work meant I could buy Zelda Breath of the Wild! :-p
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Thu May 18 07:54:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bwbim/not_buying_bullshit_lunch_food_at_work_meant_i/
---
I used to spend like $10 a day for food at work. Now with me being heavily restricted I save soooo much money. I used that extra money to buy the new Zelda game for the Switch! And it's amazing. Winning.

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[Rant/Rave] The one trick guaranteed to help you lose 15 pounds this month - Doctors hate this!
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 07:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bw5cr/the_one_trick_guaranteed_to_help_you_lose_15/
---
Wanna drop weight fast?! I have found out the perfect solution for going down at least one pants size in a week!

* Step 1: Go out right now and buy some nice clothes. Take your time, make sure they fit perfectly, and spend some good money on them.

* Step 2: Wear them for a few days to the point where you can't return or exchange them.

* Step 3: Proceed to completely lose your fucking appetite and drop 15 pounds fast so your new clothes no longer fit.

* Step 4: Feel happy you lost weight and depressed at the new clothes you have no use for anymore.

Damn it, though. I'm running out of things to wear. It's getting hot here and I can't layer bigger clothes. So I'm down to a few shirts and 2 pairs of jeans. Even my stupid feet went down half a size.

I have mixed feelings about this, but I hate wasting money.

---

[Rant/Rave] Struggling on where to study for my finals, just because of food...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 18 07:05:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bw1tn/struggling_on_where_to_study_for_my_finals_just/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I've reached the point (I think) that I need breakfast. Any advice?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~55.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Thu May 18 06:31:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bvv5j/ive_reached_the_point_i_think_that_i_need/
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Hey guys, its been... a while since I was a regular poster here. Thought I was getting better, boy what a mistake.

Anyways, a few weeks ago I started restricting again fairly regularly after a meltdown on the scale. Which in hindsight is fine because summer. But I'm also taking a summer class.

The walk to and from class actually kills me a little. Dizzy, shaking, cold hands and feet but my torso and face burns, tunnel vision, and a strange pain in my chest that spreads up into my neck and the back of my head (pretty sure my heart is failing or smthn lol).

Anyway, that's a lot of info that's not really what I wanted to ask. (I'm trying to justify that I may need breakfast so i don't feel so guilty)

I ECY stack twice per day and I only eat one meal per day (~300 cals) at like 7 or 8PM so I can maybe sleep okay (I never sleep well when restricting anyways :/).

So the real question: what do you eat for breakfast thats super low in calories but gives you evergy until the evening?

I want to not feel like death every single time I walk to class. Thanks in advance guys. Love you all.

TL;DR: any low cal breakfast ideas?

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 18 06:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bvrm3/daily_food_diary_may_18_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 18 06:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bvrlp/weekly_emotional_support_may_18_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Rant/Rave] Thunder thighs
/u/Vanillacoke0 [5'9" | 153 | 22.9 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 04:04:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bv8ow/thunder_thighs/
---
Are the bane of my life.

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[Other] Super nervous and stressed, great for restriction? [Other]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Thu May 18 03:29:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bv4ck/super_nervous_and_stressed_great_for_restriction/
---
So, I hate my job. I took three days off for period pains/nausea even though I could have gone in. I really, really could have. But I hate it so much. I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and sneakily use reddit and Facebook and Instagram on my phone because for some reason, if you have no work to do, you should just sit around and do nothing.

I broke off an engagement I wasn't happy in in December, and fell into a new relationship in march. This engagement breaking off really kicked in the restriction. I went from 68kg to 62kg EFFORTLESSLY. The new relationship helped as well, because he's into metal and loads of his female friends are tiny.

I'm leaving the country in October and all I want to do is leave NOW. I hate England. I hate our politics, I'm scared about the Tories getting in AGAIN, rent is high and wages are low, you get the picture.

Me leaving the country is fucking over my relationship. We have awesome dates but horrible arguments, we have been teetering on breaking up so much that the next time it happens it will probably just happen. I'm so tired of it. It's stressing me out. I just want to live my life as easily as possible. I love him so much, but Jesus Christ, I can't spend more nights crying into pillow about how I'm an evil person.

I've applied for a CELTA course. I don't need TEFL to actually do this job (I've already got the job offer), but CELTA will help me keep out of the county and keep traveling the world, and every time I go travelling, I lose weight. So, there's that.

Anyway, the stress of my relationship + the stress of this job + the stress of not getting onto this CELTA course means that restriction is so easy right now. I am averaging 850kcal a day and I'm starting back at the gym. I changed my weight goal on loseit to 52kg, and apparently my calorie allowance is 900kcal a day. I'm going to work on getting that to 500kcal steadily and surely.

Please give me positive vibes people, I'm really struggling right now :(

---

[Help] Restriction effects on period pain?
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | BMI 21.3 | GW<115lbs | -68lbs | F 24]
Created: Thu May 18 02:45:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6buyv1/restriction_effects_on_period_pain/
---
So I've always had intense cramps and I'm 99% sure I have endometriosis, but it has NEVER been as bad as today. I've been restricting pretty low for around 2 weeks now. Between 100-300 calories a day, some days exercising to get into minus numbers.

Anyway, I remember getting up around noon and heading to the store. Felt the cramps starting so took some painkillers before I went. That normally makes it just bearable enough to funcion. Halfway there I'm getting familiar I'm-gonna-faint eye fuzziness, which I attribute to not eating for over 30 hours, possibly dehydration? Luckily I live on university campus and the store is within the campus, so I managed to stumble back (I did stop at a bench for 10 minutes until I could see again) and then the full force hit me. I barely made it back to my room before I was literally crying out loud from the pain. It was the single worst cramp experience in my life, and I remember just wishing I would pass out from it. Wish came true, and everything went black. I woke up a little after, apparently the painkillers had kicked in a little because it wasn't AS bad, but its still there and its definitely the worst I've ever had it. Just wondering what the correlation here is, because I can't go through this again. If I need to up my calories before my period or something, I'll do it. I honestly wished for death to just come and take me a few times.

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[Rant/Rave] Restricting and exercising but the scales don't shift!!
/u/fartforfun [5'7" | CW 152 | GW 120 | BMI 23.8 | -6 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 02:04:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6butn1/restricting_and_exercising_but_the_scales_dont/
---
HOW and WHY. This is so disheartening!!

---

[Intro] Newbie, "recovery" and fasting
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 01:49:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6burs1/newbie_recovery_and_fasting/
---
Hi there! I've been lurking for a little while and just gained the courage to post. I recently got out of treatment after 5.5 months. I didn't want to go at all, and once I did my life outside seemed to fall apart. That being said, I left feeling positive and hopeful.

It didn't last long. I immediately started lying to my outpatient team who also think that the treatment program didn't work for me, which just makes me feel like I wasted my time. They don't have any tolerance for me slipping, but they won't send me back to treatment because the program I went to is the only option available. I'm a people pleaser so I've been hiding the fact that I've been restricting harder than before. I went into treatment at a healthy weight, and I was binging and purging more than restricting. After treatment, it's all back to restricting because the people in treatment made me feel like it was a shitty thing to even eat. I even somehow managed to drop a small amount of weight while in treatment which was surprising.

I haven't fasted since college (I'm 29 now), but managed a 37 hour fast about a month ago. I want to surpass that now. I'm only 6 hours in but I'm mostly by myself so avoiding food is easy for me. I love/missed the high of restricting. The only reason I broke that fast then was because I was in IOP and they made me eat. I have friends who know, and will be moving in with someone who knows in a month and a half, so I want to take advantage of this time to restrict as much as possible. It will be hard to hide any change in weight, but my body seems to hold on hard to weight so I can't anticipate much of a change.

I guess I think recovery is crap until I get my weight low enough to weight restore. Even then I don't think I'll want to gain weight again. I've been at the size I am for about 2 years and I hate it. I just want to get back to where I was a few years ago when I felt small and in control.

Thanks for listening <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Unrelated notes, contradictions, and dead ends
/u/Chromalust [6'1 | CW: 133lbs | GW: Less | mtF]
Created: Thu May 18 01:38:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6buqhy/unrelated_notes_contradictions_and_dead_ends/
---
So.. whole this week people at work has been buying all kinds of candies and chocolate for the free-for-all table.. and that wouldn't be so bad, if my workstation wasn't right next to the dang thing, AND that those same people insist on being nice and moving stuff onto my table for me to try, and I'm like "thanks, waw! I'm just gonna sneak that back when no ones looking.."..

On a related note? It's not like it's easy resisting for 8 hours a day, but I wonder why it's so much harder later, late at night, on my own, at home. Like I make it through the day and proceed to order and eat a whole pizza at 11pm, even though I felt sick half way through it, before luckily successfully mostly purging the whole thing. Like ow my throat much. But why do I do this? But hey, at least I didn't eat the deep fried squid rings and fries I ordered with it and I got to go to bed feeling like I accomplished something that day. >_>

I need hugs. ._.

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[Discussion] What are foods you thought wouldn't be so bad but ended up totally fucking you over?
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Thu May 18 01:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bumsx/what_are_foods_you_thought_wouldnt_be_so_bad_but/
---
I literally had eight Doritos and acc to MFP that's 100+kcal. FML.

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[Rant/Rave] Annoyed
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Thu May 18 00:47:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bujzc/annoyed/
---
Even though I **KNOW** I am not the weight I was when I left treatment I still see myself that way. A fat, bloated, pig.

When people call me a 'stick', 'twig', 'skinny', etc. I do not take it seriously. I take it as them catering to my ego and trying to make me change my mind about my body and my perception.

I trust nothing now. I feel lost more than I ever had in body dysmorphia and how I am viewed.

Once people know about your eating disorder, they feel free to comment about things and talk about subtle changes. I just don't know what to think or do anymore.

I am annoyed, lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for the rant. Any advice, comments or help is appreciated.

---

[Goal] Am I a complete bitch for this?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Thu May 18 00:06:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bueis/am_i_a_complete_bitch_for_this/
---
I'm trying to lose a bunch of weight to make my mom salty and jealous.
My mom and I are going to Florida to see family, we will be going to the beach. When I get thin my non-immediate family comments that I got skinny and it makes my mom just radiate saltiness, it gives me life

---

[Rant/Rave] Toast, hell yeah!
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 50kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Wed May 17 23:50:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bucfy/toast_hell_yeah/
---
I just had a slice of toast with a little bit of butter and a little bit of jam and OMG it's so good you guys. So yummy. I haven't had toast with jam and butter for ages. For so long! I don't even know when I gave this up. I enjoyed it so much, I just had to tell somebody.

What's a small everyday normal snack or meal that recently made you happy?

---

[Other] Made another comic that I thought you guys might like
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed May 17 21:53:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6btuk1/made_another_comic_that_i_thought_you_guys_might/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/4b97f0dd816c449fbb400242f9505d5c?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=17008bb40bc2b4d41e5a5b68ab9cceb8

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't binge anymore, I just only eat whatever I want, which is always shit.
/u/get-it_together [5'3" | hahaha kill me | UGW 130 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 21:43:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6btsty/i_dont_binge_anymore_i_just_only_eat_whatever_i/
---
I used to have a massive binge eating problem, but I don't do it anymore. I just stopped. But now all I do is eat crap. Still too much of it, but not all at once at like 3 am. Maybe it's because I'm letting myself eat the crap I like more often? Now how do I stop eating so much overall???????

I'm just ranting.

---

[Rant/Rave] Losing weight is the only thing keeping me from killing myself.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 21:27:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6btq6c/losing_weight_is_the_only_thing_keeping_me_from/
---
[deleted]

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. ;) bonespo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed May 17 21:14:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6btnns/daily_thinspo_bonespo/
---
https://i.redd.it/tqwu3lbqe6yy.jpg

---

[Discussion] Obscure Triggers?
/u/confusinghappiness
Created: Wed May 17 18:58:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bsy6t/obscure_triggers/
---
New account because oops

Does anybody else get triggered into disordered behaviour by the weirdest most asinine shit? I accidentally followed a somewhat embarrassing account on instagram, and the mere thought of my friends seeing that on their feeds (who I know wouldn't actually care but most of my brain can't see reason) made me panic, nearly vomit, and somehow reason with myself that if I stopped eating for the unforeseen future it'd all "level out" and won't matter as much. Why. Am. I. Like. This.

(Discussion? Cant flair -on mobile, sorry!)

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't never just be happy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 18:33:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bsti6/i_cant_never_just_be_happy/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else love tastes?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 18:33:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bstf8/does_anyone_else_love_tastes/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do YOU binge?
/u/to_bleedis_tolive [67in. | CW: 160/24.97 | GW1: 144; UGW: 121| -31 | 24F]
Created: Wed May 17 18:01:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bsn21/why_do_you_binge/
---
I have yet to see a positive post in regards to bingeing, and I've been on ED and fitness sites for years. I struggle so, so much with this, and the only 'why' I can come up with is...

Because I have no self control.

Because I eat my feelings.

BUT I HATE THE AFTERMATH. Am I that much of an animal to seek immediate gratification that fucking much?

Someone please tell me they understand or that there is a scientific reason behind it or how you avoid bingeing.

I'm really struggling with this, and it's so.embarrassing. I freaking hide food and steal it when I'm at work because I'm too embarrassed to let anyone see me eat. :(

It is ruining my life. (Notbeingmelodranatic; itreallyis)

Edit: please tag as send help ;-;

---

[Rant/Rave] Things not to say to your Eating Disordered wife...
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Wed May 17 17:53:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bslhq/things_not_to_say_to_your_eating_disordered_wife/
---
"The way you're laying right now... you remind me of Jabba the Hutt."

---

[Rant/Rave] Fuck me :(
/u/Arkhamgel
Created: Wed May 17 17:32:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bshi4/fuck_me/
---
It's half past one in the morning and the lax I took yesterday morning is only kicking in NOW. Fuckkckck I need to get up in 5 hours

---

[Help] [Rant/rave?] Shitty roommate... really tempted to binge....need some support hardcore right now, guys
/u/apiirr [6" | 218 | 30 | -70lbs | male/21]
Created: Wed May 17 17:13:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bsdkb/rantrave_shitty_roommate_really_tempted_to/
---
So I'm on day 2 of a week-long fast. I'm pretty hungry, but have been doing fine on coffee and two or three chips a day (I need to feel heaviness in my stomach, I guess), and I'm feeling tempted as hell right now thanks to the royal asshole that I have to share a room with.


I'm doing a short spring semester at college, and have a few room mates. One of them is pretty cool, the other one is a total bag of dicks. We'll call him steve because that's his fucking name.

Steve is a hulking mass of a human being. About 360 pounds if I had to guess, and always wearing the same shirt/shorts combo; gut spilling out over the athletic shorts that have never seen a gym, and pit-stains permanently painted on his was-maybe-white-at-one-point shirt. I went to elementary school with the guy, then didn't know of his existence til 6 years later a few weeks ago. He's always been a fucking weirdo. When we were in gradeschool, he'd bring bullets to school, and put them in peoples backpacks.

His fucked up nature hasn't changed.

He blares music and videogames 24/7. He does nothing but slobber down food, and honestly, it's disgusting. Makes me feel like I'm going to puke, which is helping my fasting tbh.

I'm another guy, and he has this weird complex about me. He keeps fucking wigh me and trying to act macho, which makes no sense because I've only ever been polite to him. I'm a pretty neutral guy, but I'm also a rugby player, so i'm pretty muscular (I only lift weights once or twice a week), but I've *never*, and I mean *NEVER* been that macho-ass "LET'S FIGHT, BRO!" type of douchebag who needs to try and throw his dick in anyone elses face. I'm pretty shy, and have some pretty shitty mental-states, so I mostly keep to myself.


I have early classes that go until 6pm. i'm basically working 12 hours a day at school to get this done, and this piece of shit is up til 5 or 6 AM every night blaring his stupid videogames and music. I asked him a few days ago if he could turn it down and he just gave me this smug grin from his sweat/cheetodust/cum/mountaindew covered computer chair. He said no, then turned it up. This was at 3am.

That's the other thing.



The fucking door.


He never closes his fucking door.

Every time I enter my appartment I can see down the hall to his fucking layer. three computers, blasting their fans at full RPMs. an xbox. two tvs. stupid fucking videogame posters and paraphernalia. He listens to "loli" remixes of sounds, and I've heard hentai coming from his computer more than once.

Then the toilet broke. My student residence has two bathrooms, one for my side of the house, one for his. he gets the better bathroom (of fucking course), with a hot shower, more space, etc. My friend and I are content to use the shitty little bathroom that has a cold shower, because whatever, it works. But the toilet broke. No problem, I'm handy, so I fix the damn thing. few hours later, I go in to take a piss, and see a note on the toilet.

"if you're going 2 fix the fucking toilet, why don't you fucking clean the appartment and kitchen first BTW it won't stop running so i 'fixed' it again for you."

He had fucking purposefully broken our toilet so it couldn't flush.

I fixed it again. He broke it again, and so on.

What really pisses me off is the note. He has his shitty food strewn throughout the kitchen. i don't use the kitchen at alL! I HARDLY FUCKING EAT! His room, and his part of the appartment, are a fuckign disgusting mess!


GAH! I WANT TO EAT SO FUCKING BAD.

THERE'S A BAG OF CHIPS I HAVEN'T OPENED AND I WANT TO GORGE, BUT I KNOW I SUCK AT PURGING POTATOCHIPS


FUUUUUCK.


About the only thing keeping me going is that I don't want to be a fat piece of shit like he is. He's just so lazy and disgusting, and I never want to be like that.

Maybe I'll go work on my motorcycle to pass the time so I won't be tempted to eat. Maybe I'll just go listen to Deathconciousness by Have a nice life or some swans maybe or the antlers or something else that's sad and angry.

I don't know.


I should seek help>


sorry for the wall of text.


EDIT: HE JUST CAME IN AND ACCUSED ME OF SMOKING POT.


WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO SMOKE SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME HUNGRY.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

---

[Discussion] Compliments that are too much?
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Wed May 17 17:08:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bscij/compliments_that_are_too_much/
---
Just curious what all of your opinions are on this: I am very open about giving compliments, telling people how worthy they are, etc. Even though I don't know you guys, I feel like I owe you all as much positivity as I can give. And I am definitely the gush-y type to begin with. I genuinely believe that everyone has beauty and is worthy of love unless they prove otherwise.

I've definitely had people irl think I was being sarcastic about compliments, or that I was hitting on them or something, when really I just don't know how to sound casual and not weird. It's always meant in a platonic, "You go, Glen Coco!" kind of way, but I know I sound like I'm coming on strong.

Anyway! I want to say sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable by doing that! And I want to ask what people's opinions are for doing that on this sub.

---

[Thinspo] Carlson Young
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 17 16:47:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bs81k/carlson_young/
---
https://imgur.com/a/szPYe

---

[Discussion] This is the only eating disorder site I can stand anymore
/u/throwaway-soph [5'5" | 116 | 19.53 | 19F]
Created: Wed May 17 16:42:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bs6yd/this_is_the_only_eating_disorder_site_i_can_stand/
---
I've had an eating disorder since I was 15 (5 years ago almost exactly, it started May 2012), and when I was younger I loved pro-ana sites. I was hugely active on tumblr and MPA, even after I went to treatment. I've relapsed a couple times and every other time, while I found other sites kind of ridiculous, I was still able to read them and participate on stuff like MPA. Now, at this point in my life and ED, this is the only site I can stand. It's the only place that promotes recovery but doesn't look down on those with active EDs. It's the only place that has adult, mature discussions about the reality of EDs. Everyone here is supportive but doesn't put up with bullshit.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm glad this community exists. I am thankful for everyone here, you make me feel less alone.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else do this?
/u/little-paws
Created: Wed May 17 15:47:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bruu8/does_anyone_else_do_this/
---
When I am alone, I can fast and restrict no problem.

When I am with other people (like when my boyfriend comes to stay, or I stay with him, or I'm with family etc) I feel like I HAVE to secretly eat.

I buy big bars of chocolate, crisps etc and eat when they're sleeping, or when they leave the house.

Why do I do this?! I hate it and I know I'm so weird for it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't get any smaller, beaten teenage obesity
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 15:46:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6brugu/cant_get_any_smaller_beaten_teenage_obesity/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Ed & Social Anxiety on IG?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 14:53:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bril5/ed_social_anxiety_on_ig/
---
Hope I can post this here?
Love Instagram and have found a few very popular recovery accounts. I usually just heart and read their posts and they have helped me so much in feeling better in trying to maintain. Their recovery is very inspiring and have made me feel less alone as this sub has done. My social anxiety has made me hesitate to comment or make friendships with anyone. Idk how to go about it I guess? I see how these people have gone through similar struggles & have made friends or a little Instagram family. I really want that but do not know how to go about this? Would really like advice how to not be socially awkward on the internet? Does anyone else have trouble with this? Happy hump day all Xx

---

[Help] Maintenance Troubles: Is 16.5 'low enough'? (resubmit)
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 14:48:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6brhht/maintenance_troubles_is_165_low_enough_resubmit/
---
I'm resubmitting this because it didn't seem to appear last time? Not sure what's up with that but yeah.

I still can't get over that hurdle of not being 'low enough'. I want to get my BMI into the 15's, just to say I did it and so I know I can do it. It's only two kilos, what could it hurt, right?

Wrong.

I look in the mirror and see someone who's too thin, but also too fat, somehow. Every time I see that a person has a lower BMI than me I've got to _compete compete compete_. It's a fucking pain, because for my health and stuff I just want to maintain (re: last post).

I feel like I constantly need to have people telling me not to go lower just so that I have an 'excuse' to not. Lots of people in my school have BMI's lower than this 'naturally'. I just never feel thin enough, fuck.

I'm not even sure I have an ED at this point tbh - I don't really have problems eating, not really any safe foods/fear foods etc. Like, I do get those things but they're so minor it takes no energy to ignore them.

I guess I just sort of need some kind of fucked up validation that, yes, I am thin, and yes, I have done done """better than most""" (as stupid and vain as that is).

I've got an overseas trip at the end of the year, too, which is adding pressure because I want to be thinner so I can eat whatever I want whilst on it and when I come back I'll still not be above 16.5. Lmao what a mess. I just can't make a decision.

Sorry for this disjointed ramble, flaired as help because (yikes) I need validation to stop myself from losing more. Hope no one minds that I didn't use rant/rave ):

---

[Rant/Rave] "If that's your biggest problem, you're pretty damn lucky"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 14:41:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6brfsn/if_thats_your_biggest_problem_youre_pretty_damn/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] New scales arriving tomorrow!
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Wed May 17 14:35:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bredh/new_scales_arriving_tomorrow/
---
Very excited as I'm getting my new scales tomorrow, a few days early! I've been really struggling with my mindset recently and not knowing my weight every day (even though I know that's stupidly unhealthy and that this isn't going to help much but at least I'll know now), I've been walking to stores and using their paid scales and starting to feel stupid about it. This one measures body fat and muscle weight too *apparently*, I'm not holding out my breath on it but the reviews were all positive so I'm intrigued!

What are your little victories for today? :)

---

[Other] Feel like a horrible Ana
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 14:27:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6brci0/feel_like_a_horrible_ana/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Day two of restricting, scary reaction?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 13:56:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6br57b/day_two_of_restricting_scary_reaction/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Sweating
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 13:46:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6br2s1/sweating/
---
Soo when I was a BMI around 19 I would minimally sweat and it wasn't really a big deal. Now at a BMI of over 27 I sweat ALL the time including buttswest when I leave a seat. It's gross. Has anyone else had this heavier when sweating thing happen to them and at what BMI did you notice it going away again?

On mobile can't flair. Discussion.

---

[Discussion] HBO Thin Documentary 2006
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Wed May 17 13:20:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqww7/hbo_thin_documentary_2006/
---
There is an HBO documentary from 2006 about a clinc in Florida for recovering anorexic patients.

I watched it and all I saw where beautifully thin women who have reached what I feel I never could. They showed their arms, legs and backs. They were so delicate.

The whole process of the clinic looked scary. The meetings, 6am weigh ins. Forced eating of junk food. 3 pages of dining hall rules. Group, one on one, free time sessions, just relentless pressure to "be open" and honest.

I admit, I couldn't finish it. I was obsessing over their hands, necks and faces. I stopped talking to anyone in my life about...anything a few weeks ago and I've honestly and weirdly never felt so free. I don't worry about anyone reacting or saying anything. I've managed to lose 8 pounds after being at 140 for over 3 months. Just by making my issues **mine**. I love how private I feel.

I don't think I would be able to ever go to a recovery clinic. I have a psychologist and psychiatrist but I only talk about my bipolar and general anxiety. A clinc for all day, all night pressure just sounds awful.

But there were teens, mothers, and party girls all mentioned. How it effects their lives, how their parents are disordered. How their family and friends humiliated them. It was beautiful and horrible. I rarely get private tv time to watch whatever I want and I'm glad I spent some time with this documentary.

Unfortunately now it shows on the top main line of prime and I can't get it off the "finish watching" fucking tattle tale. I started a bunch of disorder documentaries for a bunch of other stuff.

---

[Rant/Rave] I guess i didn't realize how much i ate? [Rave]
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Wed May 17 13:16:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqvvd/i_guess_i_didnt_realize_how_much_i_ate_rave/
---
Sorry, mobile user here. So i fasted a day and a half last week and i ate meh the rest of the time went feom 146 to 140 after the fast. I assumed that today I'd be back up to 146 since my restriction hasnt been too hardcore. Today i was 136!! Like maybe i ate less than i thought!! I usually plateau at 130 but with a 118 goal i feel good. Man when i hit 129 i am going to get my nails done. Ate a 1/2 cup of stir fry and half an avocado yesterday. Today protien shake and pickles. Lets see how fast i can get back to where i was a year ago. Sorry if this is a tough read i'm at work and had to tell someone how much weight i already lost.

---

[Tip] [Tip] egg whites are only 17 calories each!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 12:51:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqpqf/tip_egg_whites_are_only_17_calories_each/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] my dream persona is a skinny bitch
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Wed May 17 12:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqpkh/my_dream_persona_is_a_skinny_bitch/
---
my natural personality towards strangers is just bitchy i think. like i just have a bad attitude when most people irl talk to me. like when i have to talk to people like my boss and put on a happy face and pretend that yeah that story about your brat face kid drawing on the wall is so entertaining i do want to hear is three times and discuss the million different ways to JUST FUCKING PAINT OVER IT WHO CARES.

ahem. anyway. i think it's the depression that makes me irritable but i've noticed that when i'm skinnier or even just pretties that day people let me get away with being a bitch. i can be dismissive and coldhearted and if i'm skinny it's just like yeah well she's that way.

anyone else feel like they can finally be who they want at their goal weight? not that i want to be a raging bitch but i could get away with it when i did

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm officially the lowest weight I've been since OCTOBER of last year!
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Wed May 17 12:50:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqpim/im_officially_the_lowest_weight_ive_been_since/
---
Just freaking excited. That is all.

---

[Rant/Rave] I still won't like myself when I lose weight
/u/AmberMoonstone [5' 5.5'' | ? | 21]
Created: Wed May 17 12:18:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqhzv/i_still_wont_like_myself_when_i_lose_weight/
---
There about a million things I don't like about myself - I inflate those numbers by disliking my gut flora. Anyway, I just don't like myself. Inside (metaphorically and literally) and outside.

I am too pale. My face gets bright red, I have dark under eye circles, and I have horrible five-head wrinkles. I look like a stretched out, dark eyed, splotchy faced blob. I always wonder what people think when they see my natural face.

When I start to restrict, my boobs get a lot smaller. My ass is flatter than Kansas, and my tits are really the only thing I have going for me. When I restrict, they disappear. If only I could spot eliminate fat. My stomach is where I carry my weight, and while my tits are passable, my stomach is not.

Even when I am thin, I still manage to find things I don't like. My thighs touch, my shoulders are too wide, I am not shaped the right way.

Either way, I prefer thin me to *me*-me, so at least I will like myself marginally better.

---

[Discussion] Waking up late to eat less meals
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Wed May 17 12:04:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqeip/waking_up_late_to_eat_less_meals/
---
Do any of you wake up super late (like 2pm) so you automatically skip breakfast and lunch time and just have to eat dinner?

I do this on some days and it makes me feel way better because it means I ate less that day.

---

[Rant/Rave] In full on binge mode.
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Wed May 17 11:52:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqbs4/in_full_on_binge_mode/
---
On mobile can't flair (rant/rave)

I had an exam this morning which went shit (almost broke down in front of my friends, how embarrassing) and I've got a huge exam tomorrow morning. I've been spending 10-12 hours in the library every day for the past few weeks.

I was doing so well - 1 month binge free but..... The day before yesterday I broke my streak (also get the feeling my bf is trying to feed me more food?) Today I've eaten a whole fucking packet of chocolate digestives as well as other things. I'm scared to look at the packet to see how many calories there are. But I literally can't stop eating.

It's like I'm so stressed that my solution is to eat away my problems and my stress?!

Literally undone all the work I've done for a month fml. Now I'll never reach my goal. Feel like a fat whale. Really scared that I'm gonna look in the mirror tomorrow and have put on 10kg. Fuck fuck fuck. I can literally feel my stomach is huge now.

Praying that tomorrow, once the exam is done I'll have enough self control to restrict like fuck to get back to where I was.

---

[Other] Dying To Be Thin - No Frills Twins
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Wed May 17 11:50:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqbcb/dying_to_be_thin_no_frills_twins/
---
https://youtu.be/YpNDxhWRr9s

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[Goal] I'm sooooo close! I'm 10 pounds away from my goal. Without this sub none of this would have been possible. You guys have all my appreciation, and love.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Wed May 17 11:47:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqame/im_sooooo_close_im_10_pounds_away_from_my_goal/
---
https://i.redd.it/wzfqlm3ll3yy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I am a piece of human garbage, AMA!
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F 🌼]
Created: Wed May 17 11:45:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bqaba/i_am_a_piece_of_human_garbage_ama/
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TW: Purging.

The last few days have been godawful and I am a trashy shitty human being. I just need to get it off my chest.

So, for context, I normally restrict fairly heavily, and go to the gym almost every day. I don't binge, ever, and I had never purged before my most recent relapse into my ED.

For some reason this round of ED has led me to purge. Purging + heavy restriction + intense exercise = fastest way to death. So initially I cut it out pretty sharpish. However, something's fucking set me off again and I'm not sure what. I eat small amounts as it is, and now when I do eat anything that I don't know the EXACT calorie count in, I purge. I fucking hate it but I thought I'd been getting away with it.

This was until the other night. Me and my SO had a mini-argument - just trivial shit, honestly, no biggie. But out of nowhere he says 'Do you think I haven't noticed that you vomit? Do you think I don't know you have an eating disorder?'

It was like being slapped in the face. We've been together 5 years, but I have always hidden my disorder pretty well and justified any little rituals etc that I have. Pretty easy to disguise yourself as being 'healthy' when you are working out and watching what you eat. Like everyone else, he complimented my discipline, my body. To hear him say the words out loud was horrific. He was so upset he cried.

I have played it off (I know, I know, I'm human garbage for lying) that I'm just going through a silly faze and I will stop. He seemed to believe me. I've purged almost everything since, and now I've gone fucking nuts. I've spent *hundreds* on food in the last week, and am spending every waking hour baking - still not binging just *hoarding* food. And anything I do eat I am purging in the shower because I am a piece of 💩.

Last night he walks into the bathroom as I'm doing it. And he cries again. And again I tell him I'll stop. But it's all I've done today. Where has this come from?! What the fuck is wrong with me? I am so so so lucky to have him and I'm just fucking up.

I'm so sorry for clogging up the sub guys. I don't even know what I want. I just feel like a trashy, shitty person, and everyone on the outside thinks I'm so well put together, so disciplined, but I'm just falling apart.

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[Discussion] just another shitpost 💩
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 10:47:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bpwnf/just_another_shitpost/
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haha get it?

okay so I know there's already one up right now but it made me wonder

do y'all ever eat certain foods specifically to track your poops? today I'm not doing my usual IF cause I need to poop or I'm gonna go crazy. so I took some lax (i knowwww x.x) and I'm eating so many baby carrots and some grapefruit because historically, I see them twice when I eat them.

am I the only one bc I feel like a crazy person. if you do, what are your foods of choice for them?? I stg I'm gonna turn orange

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[Discussion] DAE tell themselves that they'll eat normal and healthy once they reach their gw???
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 10:30:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bpss5/dae_tell_themselves_that_theyll_eat_normal_and/
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like yes i'm restricting to 709-900 calories now but once i'm at my gw i'll eat at maintenance and that'll be healthy!!! lol obviously this thinking is wrong wrong wrong but i guess it's the internal convo between my brain and my ed. trying to justify myself. i've always been an all or nothing type of person and i just need to be thin NOW 😫

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He left because i couldnt lose 30 lbs in time..
/u/ciscoroxofficial
Created: Wed May 17 10:25:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bprj1/he_left_because_i_couldnt_lose_30_lbs_in_time/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] On fake 'Before and After' photos:
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Wed May 17 10:11:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bpobm/on_fake_before_and_after_photos/
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A few days ago there was a post about how weight loss companies take 'Before and After' photos on the same day, using photoshop and different lighting. These were taken 10 seconds apart, same lighting, no photoshop:

http://imgur.com/a/eYQEV

Obviously not as dramatic, but it still goes to show how you can't always trust what you see. I know a lot of us here struggle with comparing our bodies to others - on social media, in the entertainment media, in thinspo, even each other - but it's important to remember that so much of what gets put out there is perfectly angled and posed and is there to paint the picture that the person wants it to paint.

<3

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[Discussion] Unpopular Opinion
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Wed May 17 10:05:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bpn2m/unpopular_opinion/
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Anyone else...not like the feeling of being hungry?
I like it, like when I'm hungry and don't listen. But then when you get so hungry you're dizzy and nauseous and can't concentrate on anything, and are too tired to function, I despise that.
I want to restrict but I also want to have the minimum amount of energy to have intense workouts, concentrate on studying, clean my house, be social, etc. and it's such a hard balance (if not an impossible one)

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[Discussion] What's the website the predicts how long it will take to lose a certain amount of weight?
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 140.3lb | 20.35 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 09:40:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bph3w/whats_the_website_the_predicts_how_long_it_will/
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I know I used to visit this site fairly often but now I can't remember it :/

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[Rant/Rave] The goddamned obsession with BMI in treatment.
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |49 kg | 18,2 | 9 kg | F]
Created: Wed May 17 08:45:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bp4o1/the_goddamned_obsession_with_bmi_in_treatment/
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I have been in treatment for years and years, and this keeps pissing me off.

I have lost about 9 kg(I guess about 20 pounds) this year. No-one, I mean no-one, has said anything about it. But now that I'm just barely underweight, my treatment team sees it fit to say something. OMG, what can we do, what can you do, do you need hospitalization or what?! Like, could you have said something about this when I had lost 5 kgs? Before I was underweight? I mean, I might not have stopped anyway, but... is everything allright if I gain 1,4 kgs to get to a normal BMI?

I'm just so tired with this. I try to get better, and I am in treatment, but they are more obsessed about my weight than I am, for fuck's sake.

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[Rant/Rave] I resisted! [Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Wed May 17 08:28:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bp14m/i_resisted_rave/
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My boyfriend and I are in a cheap pub and I'm STARVING. Luckily everything has calorie counts next to it on the menu... There is NOTHING vegan under 300kcal so I have just told him I'm not hungry and I'm just sipping my rum and Pepsi max smugly to myself.

This way I can enjoy my stir fry dinner tonight :)

Well done me!

Update: waiting was a good idea, stir fry (with courgetti instead of noodles) was enough food for me :)

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[Thinspo] Lucy Liu
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Wed May 17 07:45:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6borzc/lucy_liu/
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http://imgur.com/a/aaNk3

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[Rant/Rave] WHY CAN'T I GET OUT OF THIS BINGE CYCLE
/u/lilmissdisappearing [5'3" | 102 | 18.57 | *not enough* | F]
Created: Wed May 17 07:39:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6boqsn/why_cant_i_get_out_of_this_binge_cycle/
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I'm now hovering just below overweight again. Hard work ruined.

I can't stop and I want to cry.

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this wording bothers me so much
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | CW:56.6 | GW: 54 | 20.8 | HW: 70 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 07:39:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6boqr8/this_wording_bothers_me_so_much/
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https://imgur.com/ap9ZDjJ

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 17 06:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bo8z6/way_to_go_wednesday_may_17_2017/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for May 17, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 17 06:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bo8ma/daily_food_diary_may_17_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] This probably sounds soo pathetic...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 04:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bnxwm/this_probably_sounds_soo_pathetic/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Alternative to smoking against hunger
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Wed May 17 04:27:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bnufl/alternative_to_smoking_against_hunger/
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I wish I could smoke, I kept trying it, but at one point after finishing a cigarette I fainted. Scary stuff. It was then that I just decided it wasn't for me haha.

And so I thought of an alternative. Something gross enough to make you lose your appetite and addictive enough for you to stick to it.

Easy enough... black coffee! Nothing like a gulp of satan to keep you on track.

It is a fact that it takes two weeks for the organism to make a routine of something, get used to something. After about two weeks it'll grow on you, perhaps earlier.

So yeah. Maybe try it out.

*Black coffee- because who needs a soul anyway!*

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[Help] Maintenance Troubles: Is 16.5 'low enough'?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 03:10:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bnkrf/maintenance_troubles_is_165_low_enough/
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[removed]

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[Other] Anybody else jealous of old photos of yourself?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 02:29:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bnfy0/anybody_else_jealous_of_old_photos_of_yourself/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Guys...please take care of your teeth. Not only will poorly taken cared of teeth may ruin your health...it may ruin your career.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 17 01:27:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bn8ps/guysplease_take_care_of_your_teeth_not_only_will/
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[deleted]

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[Other] I restrict so I'm tired. But then I can't sleep because I restrict.
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 01:13:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bn71t/i_restrict_so_im_tired_but_then_i_cant_sleep/
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The endless struggle... Even if I have eaten just before bed, I still get this "physically full, but still somewhat hungry because I just haven't eaten enough calories"-feeling and lie awake forever. I used to be a full-blown insomniac when I was restricting harder.

I'm already taking melatonin before bed, half of a 1 mg tablet. And drinking hot tea and broth only makes me wake up in the middle of the night because I have to pee and then it is impossible to fall asleep because I will be very hungry by then. :( Ugh, do you guys have any advice on sleeping better?

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[Discussion] Body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, fixable problems, and EDs
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Wed May 17 00:32:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bn1t4/body_dysmorphia_gender_dysphoria_fixable_problems/
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Sorry in advance if this is sort of a weird discussion to start, but this has been something that's been on my mind lately. How does one know what kind of unhappiness they're having with their body? On the one hand, it could be body dysmorphia, where no matter what changes, the feelings of unhappiness with one's appearance will persist. It could be gender dysphoria, in which case looking more like the way you want to appear will lessen that unhappiness. It could be a fixable problem, where it's just one thing that really bugs you and when it goes away the person will feel good about how they look. And then there's how this all relates to EDs and feeds into it. I've been struggling with this idea a lot lately because I can see aspects of all these things in myself, which makes it hard to figure out what will "work" and what won't in terms of feeling better about the way I look.
So I guess the question is: what are your experiences with these different things? Where do you think the different lines are? What worked (or didn't work) to make you feel more comfortable with your appearance?

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[Help] Has anyone had low albumin/total protein levels?
/u/leleonyx
Created: Wed May 17 00:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bn1sp/has_anyone_had_low_albumintotal_protein_levels/
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[removed]

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Sometimes you have to laugh...
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Wed May 17 00:15:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmzjq/sometimes_you_have_to_laugh/
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[removed]

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[Help] Protein shakes?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Tue May 16 23:34:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmtv3/protein_shakes/
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I need to start maintaining but it's scary to think of eating real food again. I'm considering low calories protein shakes because I'm comfortable with a mostly liquid diet and it will give me vitamins and stuff.

Any thoughts?

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[Rant/Rave] I've fallen so goddamn far
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 170lb | M]
Created: Tue May 16 23:25:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmsne/ive_fallen_so_goddamn_far/
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I was 160lbs this time last year, when I first joined proED. I thought I was unbearably fat, even though my hipbones had been showing since 168lbs.

I'm over 200lbs now, too afraid to check for sure. And I feel like this is a spiral that only intensifies--each day heavier than the last, each day less hope and more despair than before.

How do I pull out of this? I'm exhausted.

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[Intro] Hello!
/u/adephagia_ [5'2"|107lbs|20.27|24F]
Created: Tue May 16 23:05:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmps2/hello/
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I've been lurking for awhile and finally decided to make an account and introduce myself. So, hi! I've never considered myself to have an ED exactly, I just don't feel like I have a healthy relationship with food, I guess. I binge all the time and then feel so guilty because I'm trying to lose weight. I try to restrict every day but most of the time I fail. Like, so far today I haven't eaten anything, but all I can think about is food! Even on the days I eat the most I don't usually eat more than ~1400cals a day. But it's still way too much and I'm losing weight really slowly. Anyways, sorry if I don't really belong here, I just think this sub is so supportive and everyone here is really nice!

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[Help] Don't know what to say
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 23:00:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmp31/dont_know_what_to_say/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone else have a chubby/ baby face relative to the rest of their body?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 22:47:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmn53/anyone_else_have_a_chubby_baby_face_relative_to/
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I've always had a baby face, even when I was doing ballet and at my lowest weight (like BMI of 16). I have super round cheeks and my face legit looks like it belongs on someone at least 10-15 pounds heavier than me. It also causes people to mistaken me for being much younger.

Anyway, I fucking hate my baby face. It was actually the reason I originally started losing weight years back, because I saw how I looked in pictures and when I smile my face becomes a round huge fucking moon. I just want to get to the point where I'm happy with how my face looks in pictures, I want some kind of sharp chin or jaw line, not just a round curve on the bottom of my face. But I'm afraid that I would have to lose way too much weight to get to that point, and my body would be way too thin.

It's superficial that I'm only doing this for photos, but all my friends are obsessed w taking pictures and I look terrible in every single one bc of my baby face. In a generation where social media is so important to everyone, I feel like being photogenic is such a big deal.

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[Meme/Humor] Google search history can reveal a lot about a person...
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Tue May 16 22:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmlka/google_search_history_can_reveal_a_lot_about_a/
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Things I've learned today:

1. Google has search history I should have turned off much sooner.
2. I Google some weird shit because of my ED.

Example searches:

"buzzfeed massive list of food quizzes"

"what protein bar is my zodiac"

"calories in roofie"

"do any drugs have calories"

"constantly full of poop"

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[Rant/Rave] About my mother & need motivation
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Tue May 16 22:29:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmke6/about_my_mother_need_motivation/
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[removed]

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[Other] I made an ED playlist. Feel free to comment songs, and I'll add them on.
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Tue May 16 21:45:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmdfn/i_made_an_ed_playlist_feel_free_to_comment_songs/
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Any ED is welcome. I've got both easily misinterpreted songs, anorexia songs and bulimia songs.

Search: "cocio and despair" on Spotify.

Flair: don't know, sry

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[Meme/Humor] Just morbidly wondering...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 21:36:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmbye/just_morbidly_wondering/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] Tomorrow, I will eat breakfast.
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Tue May 16 21:29:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bmate/tomorrow_i_will_eat_breakfast/
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Tomorrow I'm going to get up and go to school. I'm going to sit in class and *not* watch the clock until it hits 8, and I *am* going to pay attention and listen to the clock inside my body to tell me when I feel hungry. And if I feel hungry at 7:45 or even 7:30, I'm going to take out the breakfast bar I didn't eat today and I'm going to eat it, even though it's not 8 o'clock yet and even though I had dinner tonight and will have lunch tomorrow. *I will eat breakfast and I can do this.*

(I know this is weird but I really need to hold myself accountable and this sub is the only place that might understand 😁)

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What is the point?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 21:16:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bm8mh/what_is_the_point/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Day 2 of staying under 500. I think I can finally do this.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 20:34:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bm1al/day_2_of_staying_under_500_i_think_i_can_finally/
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http://imgur.com/HMcr2dG

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[Help] i could use a little love
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -34 lbs | 24 | CGW: 125]
Created: Tue May 16 20:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blxi7/i_could_use_a_little_love/
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i'm so sorry to be so annoying asking for support but i could really use it right now. the past 2 days have been awful. my cat, who is my best buddy and who i've had for 15 years, has been extremely sick and hospitalized. and of course i'm a stress eater, so i've been binging like crazy.
if anyone has any tips or just general words of support to help me get back on track i would be extremely grateful <3
love you guys!!

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[Thinspo] vintage thinspo: Veruschka
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 20:06:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blw1w/vintage_thinspo_veruschka/
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https://i.redd.it/uz2gkf1oxyxy.jpg

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[Other] Dad started restricting
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Tue May 16 19:38:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blqri/dad_started_restricting/
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I don't know how to feel about this... My dad was sick two weeks ago because of a stomach bug. He had a lot of diarrhea, vomiting, and barely ate for four days. He ended up losing 7 pounds, and though a portion of it must be water weight, he wants to keep losing weight. A kilo a day, he says. So he's been eating 500 calories a day and I'm worried... He's almost 50 but he's very short (5"3) and he bikes to work everyday. I feel this is unhealthy, but at the same time, is there a difference between restricting as a normal person and restricting with an ed? I don't think he feels all the self-hatred and turmoil and obsession, but I really don't know how to feel about this, guys. His mental health is fine but for some reason this scares me

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[Rant/Rave] "Thick and Muscular" (rant) (help)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 19:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blowi/thick_and_muscular_rant_help/
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Im literally having a mental breakdown. I hate myself. Fuck recovery . Fuck recoVERY FUCK RECOVERY .

Due to the shittiest genetics ever, I have naturally muscular thighs. In addition to this, Im a fucking mesomorph. I have 20 inch (upper) thighs, and no matter how much I restrict, that number wont budge. Ill literally lose everywhere else.

Anyhow, I decided to try to recover because I need the energy for track and field, basketball, taekwon do, and running I do on top of that, and everything was fine I was able to eat at maintenance for about a week and a half without hating myself too much, and so far my upper thighs (problem area) are going up to 20.5 which makes me incredibly upset, but makes me think "u gotta reshift your focus and nourish urself"

But yesterday, my guy friend said "Wow your arms (9.5 inch, other problem area) are huge! Theyre thick and muscular!" and he kept fucking repeating it over and over. Like ???? I dont want to be "thick and muscular". I want to be thin. I want to be feminine. I used to get called thunder thighs and thick thighs just because I pack a lot of muscle in my legs. And today, what triggered everything to fall apart on me was failing 2 assignments and a test in social studies . At that point I realized what a pathetic, thick, muscular failure I am.

Im also joining club track and field, and all track girls are thin, but still fit. They have tiny arms and legs , but are still fast. That's what I wanna be. But its not fuckkng possible. Im going to eat 800-1000 calories a day, and fucking run 5 miles a day on top of everything . Im crying so hard because I fucking hate myself, my body, & my stupidness. I desperately want to lose muscle which shouldnt be too hard, right? Even when I was low restricting (sub 500) I *still* couldnt lose muscle .

I just feel so hopeless, Im sobbing in the bathtub like a little bitch about being thick and muscular, and I hate it so much it literally wants to make me kill myself. Like legit kill myself because of my shitty thick legs and fucking man arms. Im so upset. I never want to eat again. I want to starve myself to death. I just want it to end. If Im going to suffer from an eating disorder , I dont want to look muscular and athletic, I want to look tiny and skinny. (but still fit, u know?)

All I need to do is lose muscle. Not even fat. What the flying truck.

Im not crying as hard as I was anymore , thankfully. Im not even going to bother trying to recover anymore.

Thanks for reading my jumble of a rant <3 . Any responses will be greatly appreciated .

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[Goal] Motivation!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 19:23:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blntr/motivation/
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I just found basically the only photo evidence of when I was at my lightest a few years ago (115 lb) and I thought I was so skinny and now looking at the photos I definitely think I have at least 10 more pounds to lose. It looks like my weird hip situation gets better as I lose weight so that's good at least. I'm enjoying my last few days of guilt-free bingeing to start heavy restriction on Monday. Literally just ate a whole batch of cookies in dough and cooked form. Not even sorry. ✌️🖖

Edit: just noticed there was a 2 week gap in my MFP entries after I stopped restricting and started eating "normally" again (probably bingeing) and gained 9 lb and then 5 more lb in the next 20 days. God then I got up to 145 within the next 2 months. That's 30 pounds difference. I'm sitting at around 125-130 recently so at least it'll be easier. :/

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Beauty products?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 19:06:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blkq4/discussion_beauty_products/
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What products do you guys use to counteract some of the physical/beauty issues that come with an ED? Hair, makeup, skincare, body, whatever. For example, I take Viviscal for my thin hair and nails, I use a lot of mousse to make my hair look fuller, and I love the Soap and Glory Beauty Sleep Accelerator to make my skin appear less tired and dull.
What do you use?

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[Rant/Rave] Hitting a new low weight just to binge the same day later, argh!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 18:22:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6blcpc/hitting_a_new_low_weight_just_to_binge_the_same/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My mother is triggering, planning is near impossible, and I hate snacks.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 18:08:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bl9lc/my_mother_is_triggering_planning_is_near/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone else sit there and do weird calculations to figure out how much weight they can lose?
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Tue May 16 17:36:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bl3lq/anyone_else_sit_there_and_do_weird_calculations/
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There's something about the control of planning ahead that I love (even if it doesn't always work out as planned). Something very solid about planning the maths around weight loss. I have a chart where I put in my deficit every day, and then it automatically divides it by 3500 to show how many pounds (or rather, ounces) I should have lost that day. I find it very comforting, knowing I've made a tiny difference, even if it doesn't show on the scale straight away.

Then I plan ahead like this. Like say that if I have 1000 calorie deficit per day, that's 30,000 calories in a month, which is 8.3 pounds in a month. I love adjusting the maths, feeding different things in, seeing what BMI I would be after that. Like building my own weight loss calculator. I sit up late just running the same sums instead of letting myself eat.

I mean, it doesn't always work out obviously, but the planning is comforting, like an action plan, and knowing whether something is possible or not. Anyone else do weird mathsy things with long term goals or deficits?

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[Rant/Rave] Misery loves company? Roommate rant
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 17:21:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bl0nx/misery_loves_company_roommate_rant/
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I've posted about my roommate before and I'm totally hung up on how gross she is with her eating habits. She's also been trying to copy my restricting recently which got my panties in a knot. Just anxious that she'll lose weight even though I work way harder than her.

But tonight, she ordered 🍕 pizza, finished the entire box (without asking me if I wanted any-what a bitch!), And downed a whole bottle of wine.

I have to say that I felt sooooooo smug. Then I ate some random stuff and threw it all up.

All in all, a conflicting night. Haha...Sometimes I hate myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] This literally never happens.
/u/LittleSkittles [5'4" | 91.6 lbs | 15.72 | GW 70 lbs | 20F]
Created: Tue May 16 17:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bl0j2/this_literally_never_happens/
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So, I caved as always cause I'm a filthy slut for carbs. 3 packets of crisps, coming out to 399 altogether, on top of 200 from earlier in the day. But I stopped. I didn't eat the whole kitchen. And I won't. I'm going to go to sleep, because it's just past midnight here. I'm not going to go back downstairs and get more junk food. I can already feel the fat and grease bubbling up to the surface of my thighs, wrapping around me, and spreading me out even wider. I definitely do NOT need any more.

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[Rant/Rave] |Rant/Advice| I have a dinner date with my sister in 4 and a half hours but I'm hungry now
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Tue May 16 17:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkz5y/rantadvice_i_have_a_dinner_date_with_my_sister_in/
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As the title says. Most of my calories are coming from that meal and I tried to plan ahead with a protein heavy bfast and lunch but it's only 6pm and I'm already hungry.
I'm thinking about taking a nap since I've already had a Coke Zero to try to fill me up.....ugh......eating anything substantial would put me over 800 and I have a weekend full of uncertainty with food so I want to do what I can to maintain a decent deficit until then..
I know I won't gain if I eat over 800 but it's not like I've lost any weight this week... what do I doooooo (T ^ T)

/edit/ decided to cave and eat an egg white omelette and some blueberries, that'll leave me at 800 even. Thanks everyone. 💓

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[Help] baking and substitutes and keeping it tasty
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Tue May 16 16:30:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkqn2/baking_and_substitutes_and_keeping_it_tasty/
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I love baking, but I get scared to because I know I'll just eat everything.


Do you have any good recipes that still make lovely, fluffy cakes while still being low calorie? I've tried doing obvious swaps like splenda for sugar but the cakes have just ended up kind of flat and disappointing.


Lots of recipes I've found online look like they're really low calorie but only because they have TINY PORTIONS.

So yeah, any recipes that either work or that are very amenable to substitutes.
thanks.

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[Rant/Rave] Well, I finally did it [RANT]
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Tue May 16 15:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkk0d/well_i_finally_did_it_rant/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Does anybody else have moments of regret/clarity?
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 15:51:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkim4/does_anybody_else_have_moments_of_regretclarity/
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Just look in the mirror and saw my ribcage through my chest. My collar bones look like they'll pierce through my skin. When I tilt my head from side to side I can clearly see the muscle in my neck.

Why am I doing this to myself lol

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[Rant/Rave] my friend got diagnosed with an ED 🙃
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 139 | GW 88 | -25 | NB]
Created: Tue May 16 15:48:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkhx0/my_friend_got_diagnosed_with_an_ed/
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I've been having issues with validity (like a lot of other people in this sub) and combined with bpd it feels like she's 'taking away pieces of me' (she got diagnosed with a bunch of other stuff that I 'had already')

and then that stacks on top of concern for her because she lives alone and isn't actually accountable to anyone and this bitter bitter tired envy that she's now more valid than I am and it's just very complicated and I'd rather not feel all these things all at once

I'm just sad I guess. Everyone has what I have but objectively more intensely/worse than I do, so it invalidates my suffering (I know it doesn't, but can't get it through to my head at all). I wish I wasn't like this and I wish I didn't perceive eating/restricting/suffering as a competition.

Isn't life with an ED fun!! fun times, right!! I'm sorry I keep on posting rants that are only semi-relevant.

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[Help] TW: cuts on hand after purging, don't look if squeamish!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 15:46:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkhg5/tw_cuts_on_hand_after_purging_dont_look_if/
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https://i.redd.it/pyutharanxxy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Dived into ice cream after getting fired
/u/mandybooboogirl
Created: Tue May 16 15:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkfov/dived_into_ice_cream_after_getting_fired/
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Thanks for the support after I posted that I got fired from my second job. Well, I did NOT do well and basically binged on massive amounts of ice cream.

Store clerk: "Wow, you must be having a great party."

Me: "Uh, yeah, sure."

Party was for me, myself and I....so I am really trying to focus on looking for a new job and getting back to restricting. My goal is to go all out with vegetables today.

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[Discussion] A gross post but just wondering!!!
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Tue May 16 15:30:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkea5/a_gross_post_but_just_wondering/
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Does anybody here feel super satisfied when they manage to poo 😂😂 like I know it's super gross and weird but I feel lighter and accomplished when it happens. Sorry if I'm a disgusting mole person 😩😩
Edit: I LOVE ALL OF YOU JUST FYI.

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[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] stared into the face of my binge foods
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Tue May 16 15:28:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkdsn/rave_stared_into_the_face_of_my_binge_foods/
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And said FUCK YOU! I DON'T NEED YOU. :)

Even with last night's indulgence, (which was brought on because I wanted my boyfriend to stop worrying), I don't feel like a slave to food. We brought home one of my binge foods and I had a little in front of my boyfriend and NONE since. We went to the store and I bought a small packet of candy for his benefit and I have NOT eaten any. We ordered my binge food for lunch and I ate *maybe* 1/10 of it, claimed I really wasn't hungry, and drank diet coke instead. He threw the rest out *for me.*

Guys, is it possible that I could become someone who can stop after just a little bit? Aughhh I hope this doesn't end in bingeing and tears. I just want to keep eating tiny amounts of what I want.

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[Rant/Rave] My social anxiety's getting worse.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Tue May 16 15:19:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkbxe/my_social_anxietys_getting_worse/
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I can't even go to Walmart without breaking a nervous sweat. Are they looking at me? Is he staring because I'm a cow? Do they think I have too much food in my cart? I don't even remember how to walk normally. I can feel myself being more and more awkward. Not knowing what to do with my hands, pretending to be on my phone. I hate this.

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[Rant/Rave] I finally hit the wall
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Tue May 16 15:12:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bkaeh/i_finally_hit_the_wall/
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This last week has been amazing and horrible all at the same time. I graduated with my BS, I have an awesome job and everything is going great... well except for the food aspect. This last week I had Mexican food, tons of cake, margaritas, chocolate dessert and more. Yesterday I b/p'd on chips, 2 pieces of cake, cool whip, oatmeal cookies, and probably some other crap. Well today I told myself I'd do better... HAHAHAHA b/p'd again only this time I couldn't get anything to come up. I tried and tried until I thought my head was going to explode from all the pressure. Now I have to deal with the consequence of having all of this crap food in me. I'm so upset, but I'm glad I no longer have the out of b/ping...: it sucks I just want to be the smallest, cutest, daintiest girl and I'm ruining it all over and over again.. blahhhh time to pick up the pieces and start over right now and continue on

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[Discussion] Your ED thoughts/habits then VS now.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 14:46:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bk4r6/your_ed_thoughtshabits_then_vs_now/
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Just like anything else, our EDs can grow up with us and change a bit. When you've had your ED a while, you notice the differences sometimes.

It's like you when you first start dating someone versus when you've been living with them for a while.

Then:

* How can people say 4 cookies is a binge? My god, it's just 4 cookies.

Now:

* These 3 cookies were not planned, ergo a binge, and will purge for sure. Anything can be a binge.

Then:

* I have exactly 20 minutes to eat all this food and have to purge it up immediately so I don't digest anything.

Now:

* Spends around an hour eating and will purge right after. Or maybe when this episode ends. Eh, digestive system is slow anyway. I can get up.

Then:

* I'll count the toothpaste as 23 calories and multivitamin as 5 and breathing near the food is 10.

Now:

* I can guesstimate most foods and don't mind if it's not exact. IS my apple 83 or 87 calories? Doesn't matter.

I've become so much more casual, yet still neurotic. It's just a weird balance. I felt so ~ana butterfly~ at the beginning imaging my ED as that spooky skeleton whispering mean things in your ear. Now it's some old dude who looks annoyed at me and says 'Dude, don't get the candy. Seriously, man. Okay, fine, do it.'.

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If I don't eat today, I'll drop 0.42 pounds.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 14:43:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bk47x/if_i_dont_eat_today_ill_drop_042_pounds/
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[removed]

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[Help] Building muscle at a deficit?
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue May 16 14:32:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bk1tx/building_muscle_at_a_deficit/
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I just started the Strong Curves program....trying to build myself a butt. I've always been flat back there...mostly due to genetics....but, I mean I've never been athletic so it's not like I ever worked those muscles. Hell, when I was at my lowest weight I STILL had a muffin top cause of my sad as fuck obliques/glutes.

I'm really done with it. I hate summer because shorts make me look like fucking spongebob squarepants. He's got rounder cheeks than I do, damn.

I already did my set for today, and I still haven't eaten. I'm fighting with myself cause, I'm used to harnessing my hunger....not using it as a tool to know when I should ACTUALLY eat. My stomach is screaming at me, but I DONT WANT TO. But I also know all my hard work would be wasted....can't build muscle without nutrients...

I'm fighting almost 15 years of ED logic right now.

Anyone have any advice? I was gonna post to the SC subreddit but...i dunno. I'm still losing body fat so I don't think I'm quite ready to go all the way up to my matinence yet....I know that I'll still lose cause I'm so active right now....but, that number seems too high. I don't like it.

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[Discussion] Snacks or meals under 150 calories?
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Tue May 16 14:19:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bjyws/snacks_or_meals_under_150_calories/
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I fucked up and ate stuff because I was hungry.

Trying to stay under 900 for the day.

Anything filling? I might just eat an egg and bacon. Or just a shit ton of bacon.

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[Other] Almost passed out today (eek)
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 12:58:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bjgxb/almost_passed_out_today_eek/
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So I didn't eat this morning and then I went to the pool at my apartment complex to get a tan. Probably through a combination of the heat and not eating, when I was walking home I had to stop twice to sit down cause of black spots in my vision and dizziness (and it's not that far of a walk, it's like less than 1/4 mile).

Anyway it was my first time getting that close to fainting and I was alone so it was kind of scary. Went home and ate some salad and I felt better, so that's good.

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[Other] lose it friends! 🌱
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 12:29:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bjam7/lose_it_friends/
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i just redownloaded lose it! does anyone wanna be friends? :-) pm me your email!!

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue May 16 12:06:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bj5fl/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/9u019jy4kwxy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Thank you guys for helping me change my life <3
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW: 134 lbs | -21 lbs | GW: 110 lbs | F]
Created: Tue May 16 11:59:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bj3no/thank_you_guys_for_helping_me_change_my_life_3/
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I wanted to share my story of my progress over the past six months and thank every single one of you in this sub for being so supportive and kind. I've seen a lot of random posters come in and hate on our sub, but this sub has honestly been one of the most positive influences in my life.

So here's my story. I've suffered from anxiety and have hated my body since I was 9 years old. My weight fluctuated around a 40 lb range for the past 10 years, and 2016 was one of the hardest years of my life. All of my anxiety over the years had built up and I was getting panic attacks nearly daily. I even quit my job because I could no longer cope with the stress - which made me get back to being depressed because I'm an overachiever-type.

This December, I got really sick with flu-like symptoms because of stress and lost a bit of weight because of vomiting. I was very tempted to start purging, but I didn't only because I had seen the mountains of comments and posts from you guys telling others to never start the vicious purging cycle.

In February, I decided that I wanted to get healthy mentally and physically. I fantasized about going to a yoga studio that is near my house, but I was way to anxious to even try a class there. I posted about it, and you guys were SO freaking encouraging that I was able to force myself to go! Since then, I've been taking yoga 4-5 times a week. With this new habit, my anxiety is almost gone, I no longer get panic attacks and whenever I start feeling stressed, there is a limit to how anxious I get.

I also used to eat 80% junk food, and now 80% of what I eat is clean food. I'm no longer bloated, and food is no longer categorized as "good" or "bad," it just "is." I'm losing weight very very slowly. A HUGE change from my old habits when I would restrict and drop weight unhealthily fast.

You've helped me challenge myself to be healthier and I honestly feel my life has changed. Everyone notices that I'm brighter and happier. I'm still working on being healthier and nicer to myself. But I'm starting to hate my body less, and I have you all to thank! I love you all so much!

**TLDR:** Because of this sub, I became a stronger, healthier person with better habits.

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[Help] I've let myself down, Big time (rant)
/u/Littlebertie [5ft 4 | 110lb | 18.8 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 11:56:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bj319/ive_let_myself_down_big_time_rant/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Unconventional thinspo?
/u/Jitterly [164 cm | too much | F]
Created: Tue May 16 11:51:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bj1vl/unconventional_thinspo/
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I dug up my old book collection and started reading some of my old manga. Right now I'm reading Nabari no ou (no spoilers please haha) and everyone in it is so skinny. On the last page of each volume, they have the stats of a character laid out. The main character is 5'2 and 77lb. I love how absolutely impossibly skinny they draw each of the characters, too. Sometimes I think growing up watching anime fueled my eating disorder hahaha.
What's your unconventional thinspo lately?

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[Rant/Rave] Holy Shit [RANT]
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Tue May 16 11:23:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6biv77/holy_shit_rant/
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HOLY.SHIT. after a day of successful restriction I caved and wanted an ice cream. I opened the box, tore off the wrapper. I stopped and asked myself If I REALLY wanted this. I decided that I did not, and since my brother wanted an ice cream too I just gave mine to him instead of eating it.
I'm so stoked because usually I give in too easily. I hope this happens more often. Self control FTW!!

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[Rant/Rave] I know I should really listen to my doctor, but...
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.4 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.6 lbs]
Created: Tue May 16 10:49:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bindo/i_know_i_should_really_listen_to_my_doctor_but/
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Ugh, I hate that this thought has even entered my mind. I have an autoimmune disease that affects my thyroid, causing me to have hypothyroidism. I've taken medication for it ever since puberty. In my decade of taking this medication, I've changed dose once--that was in 2012 and it was raised slightly.

I don't live in the US anymore. I had been going to the same doctor for 7 years, but I don't know when I'll be in the country next. So this time around was the first time I've ever gotten my levels checked by a non-American doctor. The new doctor told me my dosage was too high and he prescribed me a slightly lower dose.

I'M FREAKING OUT. I'm freaking out because 1) what if he's wrong? Going in the hypothyroid range would make my metabolism slow down and I wouldn't lose weight as fast/would gain weight faster if I uncontrollably binge. Also 2) what if he's right? What if he's right and I have 6 weeks worth of this leftover medication from the US that could raise my BMR?

I know I need to listen to my doctor (and I will) because remaining in the hyperthyroid range too long would cause a bunch of other health problems, but the disordered eating logic part of my brain is egging me to finish the meds I have for 6 more weeks of elevated BMR. So dumb, so dumb, so dumb.

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[Thinspo] before and after thinspo always helps me the most and i found a board full of them!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 10:39:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bil53/before_and_after_thinspo_always_helps_me_the_most/
---
http://pin.it/eyh6fiK

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[Thinspo] I was look at thinspo on Pinterest and found a a good board...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 10:38:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bikxy/i_was_look_at_thinspo_on_pinterest_and_found_a_a/
---
http://pin.it/eyh6fiK

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[Help] Hydroxycut?
/u/throwaway-soph [5'5" | 116 | 19.53 | 19F]
Created: Tue May 16 09:45:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bi90a/hydroxycut/
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[removed]

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[Tip] I thought people here might find this video useful for easy "healthy" fast food choices in case you go out :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 09:33:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bi6b3/i_thought_people_here_might_find_this_video/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FQnXFi7l3Q

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[Help] Weird chest pain?
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 111.8 | 22.06 | -72 | F 🌸]
Created: Tue May 16 09:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bi0yg/weird_chest_pain/
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Okay I know y'all aren't doctors I'm just curious if anyone else gets this. For the past few days I've noticed that I get weird chest pain/pressure whenever I bend over and attempt to pick something up. At first it I thought it was just my son being heavy, but then I noticed it whenever I bend over at all and then stand back up. It's like a weird sensation in my chest, almost like pain, but it makes me feel like I can't breathe for a few seconds. It feels like there is a weight on my chest. It's odd. I have started restricting more this week and have been pretty anxious.

Am I crazy or does anyone else get this too?

Maybe it's just a blood pressure thing?

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[Intro] Back on the ED train
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7" | CW: 138lbs | BMI: 21.63 | -6.5 | GW: 130lbs]
Created: Tue May 16 08:15:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhpre/back_on_the_ed_train/
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Hi, lurker coming off lurking because I give up on pretending I'm still in remission. Anyways! People post about taking Bronkaid frequently or Adderall frequently and I thought I'd share my experience with them. Warning: not normal supplementation, obviously my history is very disordered and possibly triggering. Long, rambling history too because I am only just now starting to accept I'm possibly completely nuts. Scroll for TL;DR.

My bulimia started in college in 04. I recovered partly in 07 after starting Wellbutrin as part of treating my bipolar, stopped purging but gained some weight. Recovered the rest of the way in 08 when I got SmartLipo (a type of tummy tickle lipo). I could eat whatever I wanted and not regain weight, so my eating normalized quite a bit.

I had my first baby in 2012, and I carved off the baby weight pretty fast. I couldn't take Wellbutrin anymore because it literally landed me in the hospital, destroyed my gall bladder and tried to kill off my liver. So I started up exercising, got to an acceptable 127lbs until I weaned. After weaning, I restarted Bronkaid and green tea, which have been my stack for years and just work. That plus Prozac (which makes me lose weight) plus a low low dose of a beta blocker for anxiety kept me at 122 lbs for years before getting pregnant in 2014.

I had a baby in July 2015, and I pretty immediately started doing all my stomach/back exercises nightly to regain all the muscle I rely on to keep my BMI low that you just -lose- while pregnant. I was at 172 pre-birth and I'm 5'7". No restriction or pills because of breastfeeding. I had to stop breastfeeding at 4 months to be able to start taking medicine for migraines though and start taking Imitrex and my neurologist upped my propranolol from 5mg to 80mg. I was at 145lbs then.

So I restarted my supplements that I've taken on/off for ten years: Green tea and bronkaid. But I only got down to 135 and even going on Adderall (first taking my stepkid's leftovers, then getting my own prescription through my neurologist) only knocked off 2lbs, so at 133lbs through rest of 2016. I hate Adderall. I crash off it way worse than Bronkaid and I make really crazy decisions on it, including having an affair with a coworker. Really do not recommend it.

Lost job in November 2016. Lost a couple lbs from depression, regained them when starting work in January. I could not figure out why the lbs were stuck on me, despite my tried and true methods of weight loss. My migraines were getting worse, my health was so poor and I was exhausted & hungry even after switching from Bronkaid/GT to Modafinil which is like a rich man's Adderall. I gain first 5 lbs, then another to settle at 143-145. Which drives me nuts. I got Botox for my migraines finally off my new work insurance this past April (which was good because I was about to just have a breakdown and go on disability from the migraines) and simultaneously, I learn that propranolol is a crazy crazy weight gaining drug (edit for clarity: at the dosage I was at) and only through my incredibly disordered eating and supplement habits had I avoided ballooning up 40lbs since my doc upped it in 2016.

So finally, I'm at 5mg of propranolol again, every other day. I'm so close to getting off of it, and I don't need it because yay Botox, so I restarted taking Bronkaid/GT. (Fuck modafinil too, it gives me the worse tension headaches and muscle spasms.)

My health is pretty shit though, and I honestly don't know how much of it is from years of drug abuse and how much is just part of having a shit roll for genetics. I have GERD (not from bulimia surprisingly, appeared after surgery to remove gall bladder), bipolar, agoraphobia, chronic migraines, and now I seem to have POTS. I need to go back to a doctor to get an official diagnosis but since modafinil seemed to cause extreme reactions and starting up a 1L of watered down Gatorade a day, I've stopped a lot of my muscle spasms/dystonia.

So, I'm fighting to get under 140lbs which I haven't been since December. I was 143.5 this Saturday after eating cake for several days from daughter's birthday. Started taking Bronkaid/GT again sunday and a gajillion other supplements and meds for my migraines. I'm at 140.8 for the 4th time in 5 months. I WILL get to 135 again this month and I will get under 130 by August or I swear I will turn to drug dealing to fund SmartLipo again.

TL;DR Was bulimic, got lipo, recovered for several years, got pregnant twice, health got crazy worse in 2015/2016, weight ballooned, now I'm definitely not recovered. So I'm saying hi.

---

[Other] Math class doodle, kinda fits here
/u/psydorable
Created: Tue May 16 07:56:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhlwp/math_class_doodle_kinda_fits_here/
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https://i.redd.it/wj6i196lbvxy.jpg

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[Other] To those who've seen the ED documentry "Thin", they have a book version of it
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 07:55:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhlnn/to_those_whove_seen_the_ed_documentry_thin_they/
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https://i.redd.it/grqxwe37bvxy.png

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[Help] [Advice] Does it count?
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Tue May 16 07:49:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhkg3/advice_does_it_count/
---
I'm in the middle of the worst migraine of my life and ran to the bathroom to throw up. Nothing came up so I made myself sick because the nausea was still in full swing. I'm just over 10 days purge free. Would you count that as purging? My brain and mind are a physical and metaphorical wreck.

---

[Thinspo] A little thinspo album I made while waiting for my ride
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Tue May 16 07:42:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhj72/a_little_thinspo_album_i_made_while_waiting_for/
---
http://m.imgur.com/a/Pu1Mm

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[Discussion] What are your favorite highest volume, lowest calorie foods?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Tue May 16 07:40:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhirs/what_are_your_favorite_highest_volume_lowest/
---
I'll start!

I love the [Progresso Light soups](https://www.amazon.com/Progresso-Light-Soup-Vegetable-18-5-Ounce/dp/B001BZ9SWE?th=1) or select Campbell's Healthy Request Chunky soups (~140-200 cals for an *entire can* which is 18.5oz!) and [Half Naked Hint of Olive Oil popcorn](http://www.goodhealthsnacks.com/good-snacks/categories/all-snacks/item/12-half-naked-hint-of-olive-oil.html) (120 cals for *5 CUPS* of popcorn!). There's a lot of low cal popcorn options but I like this one because it has like 4 ingredients that are all just natural products. Of course diet sodas also make me feel "full" without any calories.

---

[Help] She's almost 12
/u/123Purrr [5'8" | 123 | 18.5 | F/24]
Created: Tue May 16 07:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhc84/shes_almost_12/
---
I need advice because I've run out of game plans and winter is coming. Names have been changed and I've only known everyone for a lil over three years.

Madison is an intelligent little girl. Last year for her 11th birthday her father got drunk and couldn't pick her up from gmom's (where I live) house and she pretty much disowned him. She's very socially aware of what's going on around her and just over all a wonderful lil girl.

Betsy is Madison's mom. She's outspoken and went from being a straight up party girl to a church woman just a few months ago. Which is fine but now she's shoving religion into her children who grew up with out it. Her house her rules but now Madison has even less control in her life.

Queenie is Betsy's mom, Madison's gmom, and my current land lord but future mother in law. Queenie is a sweet southern woman with a sharp tongue. I went to Queenie over a year ago to ask if she recognizes Madison's possible eating disorder. She knows I "used to" have one so she told me her honest opinion instead of her "imma make you reconsider sticking your nose in their house," which was a damned laugh and yes.

Babe is my boyfriend, Madison's uncle, Betsy's little brother, and Queenie's son.

I've worked really hard with Madison but I've reached a dead end. I've gotten her comfortable with finishing her plate. We've had tough conversations about how "fat" she views herself... She's on the thinner side of kids. She has that lil pot belly most kids have and grow out of and in her mind she's fat. Her only new years goal was to lose weight. Babe and I tried to convince her to build muscle instead but that's the last I heard of it so I'm positive she's back to "dieting". Last year when I got down to 120 she was so amazed and impressed Babe and I game planned to point out my weight fluctuates like that because I'm sick. Now, her fatphobic vocal mother is calling her tubs because she finally reached the 100s. Betsy is so fucking oblivious it hurts.

Madison's drunk of a bio dad is 6'2". That's why at 11 years old she's only a few inches shorter than her mom. Madison will grow a lot more which is fantastic but she's already freaking out with weighing over 100. When she grows to be bigger than her mom she's going to be so miserable. Our line of communication is about as open as it can be for our age differences. She hasn't told me anything but I don't expect her to. With her mom criticizing her body, forcing her to go to church, forcing her to go to her biodad's house when she can't stand booze, and her brothers treating her like another boy, I really can't blame her for trying to be sly with it.

What the hell can I do? I love Betsy but I know if I even try to talk to her she'll quickly shut down the topic. I know I'll have to but I only get one chance with her. So, what would you guys do in my situation?

---

[Rant/Rave] Really disheartened :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 16 06:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhau3/really_disheartened/
---
Yesterday I got a dress in the mail that I tried on about a year ago but didn't buy (got this one second hand) and had a hell of a time zipping it up, when I know it fit great when I first tried it on at the store (no idea why I didn't just buy it then). It's a really good incentive though! I was also really bummed a couple of years ago when I finally donated all of the clothes I got when I restricted a few years back, thinking I would never have that kind of self control again (things like tight jeans and dresses because boobs). Motivation though!

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't escape that my ultimate self-worth is based on my body.
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" | GW: 94-99lbs]
Created: Tue May 16 06:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bhau0/i_cant_escape_that_my_ultimate_selfworth_is_based/
---
I've had a lot of success over the past year - I work at quite a high end job and I'm good at it, I write music and have loads of writing projects on the go, from writing a blog to novels to short stories, I learn languages, I exercise and look relatively fit from the outside (I think), I do so much stuff that I dread people asking what my job is or my hobbies because it's a long list. And I know I'm doing well.

Loads of people ask me how I've achieved success and request me to write a blog about it. You know those sort of 'inspiration productivity blogs' that say 'How you can be everything you want to do, how you can improve XYZ in your life'. But that's where the edges start to crumble and the truth starts unwinding.

It started when I was 17. I was travelling on my own. I was feeling really homesick and meeting a lot of successful people on the road. I felt more inadequate than I had ever felt at home. So one day, on a hot day in the middle of South America, I made a list of about 10 goals. Things like: Write my own music, at least 10 songs. Be responsible in my job. Run my own travel writing blog. And right there, top of the list, Point Number 1: 'get fit and lose weight, be one of those people I look at on the street that I can't stop looking at'. [You all know the type I mean. Skinny legs, beautiful bone structure, obviously bmi 16 roughly]. I had always struggled with my self image and had been the upper end of the 'healthy BMI', and without going into all my eating history, when I was 13-14 I restricted very heavily, and since then struggled with eating habits.

When I came home from traveling, the list sat there, a reminder of everything I wasn't. 5 years passed. 5 years of self-hatred that I wasn't doing all the things I wanted to do. 5 years of self-hatred at my body, too, but stuck in a rut, unable to do everything at once. People would never believe it and never would understand it even if I had admitted it, because I was doing well at uni, doing well in work, I still travelled all the time and went to 30-35 countries. But I was so unhappy with myself because I couldn't achieve this important list I had made of things that determined my self-worth and changed me from boring geeky girl who just happened to be traveling and working and achieving good grades, into cool inspirational travel writing and musical girl. Especially Point Number 1. The list - and Point 1 - meant everything to me.

Last year, I joined a bunch of fitspo groups on Reddit. What did it for me is joining one of those summer weight loss challenges. Having a group to lose weight with. I researched nutrition and CICO. I started losing weight in what the fitspo community calls 'the right way', a really good amount of weight, and keeping it off. I started exercising. People noticed. People remarked on my body and said I was looking amazing. Suddenly, I was the skinny girl.

With that, suddenly, everything in my life was possible. My creative mindset was back, I was working better than ever, I was achieving all my dreams. All the things I had wanted to do, since writing that list when I was 17, I was doing. There was nothing I couldn't do.

With everything going on, in my mind I thought I was still losing weight, although I wasn't logging calories every day, my exercise was getting more lazy. Then I had a rude reawakening the other day where I realised I wasn't losing weight. My weight was slowly starting to creep up again. Nowhere near what I used to be, but just a little bit, just about 5 pounds in the past 5 months. Suddenly, all my successes didn't matter. I needed to get back into my habits.

And suddenly I'm back to CICO, although much more low restriction than in my 'fitspo' phase. I'm dropping pounds again. I don't hate myself (in a sense. I look in the mirror and feel like I'm looking into some sort of trippy dimension where I can't figure out if I'm thin or fat, so the body dysmorphia is still there; I love the feeling of emptiness, and feel awful if I eat over my TDEE. The same old, same old...). But if I had gained the weight back again in the past 5 months of not thinking about it, I know I would hate myself. Because my self-worth after all this time is still based on my weight.

And I realised something. Even when I was going to those fitspo communities, I didn't quite fit in. In my mind, I was back in my old days of being on 'pro-ed' communities when I was 14 and 15. I wanted to lose the weight in a good way, in a happy way, I wanted to feel strong rather than dizzy, but my GW (secretly) was still at BMI 16-17. That's why I'm here now, I guess, with a new username. Because my mindset is more here than it is there. Because I'm finally admitting to myself that as healthy as I want to pretend to be, I'm deeply unhealthy. And that I can't escape the feeling that, if my stomach is growling, I couldn't be happier. That logging my exact deficit per day on a table and figuring out by dividing by 3500 how many pounds I roughly lost overnight keeps everything in my mind together. That eating half of my portion is a bigger achievement for me than any of the other achievements I do.

For the past year, I've been tiptoeing over a boundary. Where is CICO behaviour healthy and unhealthy? Where is a UGW healthy and unhealthy? Why can Victoria Secret models be called healthy when they're clearly well under a BMI of 18.5? It's like the edges of reality keep blurring and shifting, and no one knows where 'good' weight loss begins and ends. We're all warped, I'm starting to realise.

The thing is, people now ask me how I did it. How I'm doing all the things I'm doing. How I can multi task on so many hobbies and work loads. And I can't admit the truth that everything for me is based on my weight. And I've said to a few friends, that if they want to achieve success and reach loads of goals, 'Just find the one thing you ultimately want to change in yourself and start there. Everything else will work out.' But I never tell them what the one thing was for me. When I was high/drunk once with my friend, I admitted that the one thing for me, was my weight. And as much as I reasoned to them it was healthy, it was good, I was embarrassed. Because I knew it wasn't. Who the hell has 'losing weight' as the most important goal in their life?

And that's the absurd thing of it all. Although I'm doing great, it's only because of my weight (and the fact I'm still losing). Everything is tottering on an unhealthy foundation. No matter what happens, there won't be a day that goes by where I'm not thinking about the calories I ate that day. There won't be a day I don't go into the bathroom and look at my stomach and pick up a tape measure. There won't be a day I don't put on a pair of jeans and judge how that day is going to go based on whether they're loose or tight. I can't help anyone with achieving their goals, because to do so is to admit how unhealthy I am mentally, underneath. All these tightly wound threads keeping me together, around one core.

It's the one thing I lie to everyone about every day, without even thinking about it. Everyone knows I used to have eating problems, but what they don't know - what I didn't realise, until recently - is that they're still ongoing. So deeply entrenched that not telling my boyfriend how much it affects me, hiding my proed groups on my phone, doesn't feel like a lie. I honestly wouldn't even know where to start talking about it 'in real life', and I sure as hell don't want to. Because admitting everything is based on my weight would be like asking for sympathy or concern, and I don't want that. I just want to talk about it with people who understand me.

Which is why, I guess, I'm here. I probably won't post much because I don't want to dwell on how unhealthy I am, I'm too shy right now to post up my CW, writing my food diary is more triggering for me than it is helpful, even though I'm constantly reading through the threads here. But this is a hi to you all who are struggling, and especially a big hi to those who are lurking but not posting. We're all struggling together, in our own ways. And I'm glad this community exists. Not so much so I can post every day, but so I know I'm not so alone in this difficult world.

---

[Discussion] does anyone else waste an ungodly amount of food
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 06:41:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bh800/does_anyone_else_waste_an_ungodly_amount_of_food/
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Every time I go to the grocery store, I see so many low calorie things and buy up whatever I see... and then later it's too many calories.

Here's some fresh brussel sprouts I could snack on them raw and they'll last all day because they're tougher when they're raw.

Here's a box of high fiber oatmeal. Oatmeal is great. Fiber is great. Let's do it.

Fiber One bars are 2 for 1? Better buy six boxes while I can.

Oh let's get a five pound bag of mandarins. They're so yummy and small. I'll definitely eat all of them.

Like it never ends. I have all of this food and then I never eat it. I've had the same packet of oatmeal in my bag for the last two weeks because maybe I'll eat it at work. Maybe not. Obviously not. I'm just hoarding all this crap like a squirrel who fell on its head too many times. hurr durr better stock up for the winter but this ain't game of thrones winter ain't coming I'm just filling my pantry for no reason. ugh.

anyone else like this?

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[Rant/Rave] 36 hours into my fast and I feel... great?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Tue May 16 06:25:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bh52l/36_hours_into_my_fast_and_i_feel_great/
---
I haven't even felt hungry... no "urge" to eat at all. The only time I have wanted food was when my boyfriend made pizza last night but I managed to stay away from it. I think it was just tempting, not actually me being hungry.

I drank ~100oz (2.9L) of water yesterday and a Diet Pepsi. Absolutely no food or other calories etc. I'm allowing myself Diet Pepsi to trick myself into thinking I'm eating so I don't give in and it seems to be working. Next time I'd like to do a pure water fast though.

I initially planned for a 24 hour fast but as it was so easy for me yesterday I'm extending it to 48 hours.

My fast is "over" at 8pm tonight but I doubt I'll actually eat tonight. Feels kind of like a waste since I've made it this far. I'll just have breakfast tomorrow. That will put me at a 60 hour fast! Pretty exciting!

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 16 06:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bh21r/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_16_2017/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Other] Easy, portable foods when traveling?
/u/itsteaandlace2007 [5' 4" | Not Telling | -20| 27F]
Created: Tue May 16 06:05:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bh1rx/easy_portable_foods_when_traveling/
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I'm going to visit my sister in Oregon in a couple weeks, so I'll be shopping for snacks to bring along with me so I don't have to resort to vending machines and fast food. Does anyone have any suggestions for easily portable, low calorie snacks/yogurts/etc. that I can just toss in a messenger bag and bring with me? I'd prefer if it's something that's not too messy and doesn't require a lot of/any utensils, since I'll be traveling about 10 hours by bus.

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 16 06:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bh1pb/daily_food_diary_may_16_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] My Roommate and why today was a good day
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Tue May 16 02:48:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bgbj3/my_roommate_and_why_today_was_a_good_day/
---
So I've posted about my roomie on here a bunch, but I want to give a bit of background to my situation and then it'll help explain why this morning was so freaking awesome for me.

Basically, my roommate and I are both 18 (she's actually 19 but whatevs) and we've been living together all year. She's teeny, like 5'0-5'1 and around 105-109lbs with this tiny tiny frame. She's basically my body goals but its unattainable due to my height and larger frame (and fatness! :D)

She has the eating habits and self control I wish I had. She eats so slowly, I shovel everything down really quickly. She takes tiny bites, and i sure as hell don't. She got a box of candy from her boyfriend AND STILL HASN'T FINISHED IT. She got it A COUPLE WEEKS AGO AND ONLY OPENED IT ONCE WE ALL WENT ON A HIKE TOGETHER THIS PAST SUNDAY!!!! I literally would've eaten the whole thing the second I got it because I have no self control. Whatever. Anyways.
**TLDR1: SHES SKINNIER, TINIER, AND HAS BETTER EATING HABITS THAN ME**

She makes comments about my weight every once in a while. Calling me fat or saying I got chubby or whatever. None of it's a lie, I got fat this year, I legit look obese, my chub rub is back and I just. Ugh. Whatever. I basically get really anxious when I have to eat in front of her and always end up binging because she'll eat like 3 noodles super slowly and get full while i basically finish the whole pot of them. I just hate eating around her and I always feel obese next to her.
**TLDR2: SHE MAKES ME ANXIOUS AND CALLS ME FAT SOMETIMES**

BUT TODAY. This morning she apologized for being a bitch lately (out of nowhere) and then said that i "look so skinny!" today!!! LIKE AHHHH!!! Best. I'm just so happy. :)))))

---

[Discussion] DAE find themselves getting sick all the time?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Tue May 16 01:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bg4sx/dae_find_themselves_getting_sick_all_the_time/
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I got the flu about two weeks ago, and had to put my ED to the side and eat what my body needed to get better. The second I felt better, I went back to heavy restricting. I am now sick again, and cannot lose any weight because of this.

Does anyone else deal with this, and if so do you have any advice on how to stop it?

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[Help] Social isolation & wanting recovery
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Mon May 15 23:52:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bfpu0/social_isolation_wanting_recovery/
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How did I get to this point? I've spent months convinced it's just a willpower problem, I need to stop smoking weed, that I just need to dig deep for some self-control. But it's snowballed out of control. My therapist believes I need a partial hospitalization program at this point.



The worst non physical side effect: social isolation. I have friends who care about me, but I can't tell them. I told one friend and it didn't go well (I posted about that story). I isolate myself when I'm bloated/depressed/physically ill after a binge, then feel even more lonely so I b/p to feel better and the cycle repeats. I haven't seen my best friend in 2 months. I activated my old okcupid account last night, saw a guy on there who a year ago I totally would have gone a date with. But then I'm like oh wait, I can't go on a date because my cheeks are pretty bad right now and I need to lose another 5 pounds and my teeth are yellow so gotta get those whitened first. Oh yeah, and the fact I'm bulimic, probably need to fix that too.

I know I need intensive treatment. I don't know if this is a rant or asking for help. I'm just drowning. How do I get over my fear to make the step into treatment?

---

[Intro] Introduction
/u/hippo4231
Created: Mon May 15 23:40:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bfoe6/introduction/
---
Hi. I've been lurking for a little while and decided to finally make an account. Reading through these posts and comments I have realized that many of you have some of the same struggles that I do.

So, about me. I'm 5'3 and currently 122 pounds. I don't think that I have an eating disorder but my eating habits may not be the healthiest. I struggle to eat an appropriate amount. Sometimes I'll only eat a few hundred calories and I'll feel weak and tired all the time. Other times, like this week, I eat to the point of feeling sick and still continue to eat. Then I feel disgusted. I feel disgusted with myself as I'm eating and for whatever reason I still keep eating. I obsess about food and about my weight. I wake up in the morning and the very first thing I think about is what I can eat for breakfast. One of the last things I think about before I go to bed is how fat I am and that I hate myself for it and how tomorrow will be better and I will eat less and feel better and be happier. I weigh myself at least once a day, but usually it's more like three or four times.

I'm not sure what else to say. I'm fairly new to Reddit and not sure how everything works yet. Thanks for reading :)

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[Rant/Rave] That moment when
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 23:19:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bfli3/that_moment_when/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] You are all so beautiful
/u/BiByBye [5'4"| CW: 119.6lbs | -15.4 | GW: 114 lbs | UGW: 105 lbs | 30F]
Created: Mon May 15 23:14:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bfkun/you_are_all_so_beautiful/
---
I just wanted to let everyone here know that they are all absolutely beautiful, stunning people. This community is so amazingly supportive in a way I haven't seen in all my time on Reddit, and for that, no matter what the mirror or body dismorphia tells you, you are beautiful.


I struggle every day with looking in the mirror and going "god I hate my body" and thanks to this community I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I know that I'm not the only one who has always had a difficult relationship with food, and I know that I'm not the only one who wishes things could be different.


I've seen a lot of ugly disguised as perfection in my life, so believe me when I say you are all beautiful and thank you for being such a caring and supportive community. ❤

---

[Rant/Rave] Binge rant / blessing
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Mon May 15 21:17:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bf2j0/binge_rant_blessing/
---
So, I see a gastrointestinal doctor, cause my stuff's all wonky. I had an appointment today. As I sat in the waiting room, I felt like I had gained a million pounds and everyone could tell. I was actually sweating, and felt like i had to start all over again with the upward side of the binge-fast mountain. Just so depressed. How could i do this... AGAIN????


Flashback to friday night, when my three besties decided it's Girls Night Out, and by the way, they are ALL freaking AHmazIng cooks.


Well, I show up, they watch me like a hawk to see if I will eat. I did eat. And I KNEW it would trigger a binge, and man was I right.


I ate ribs, steak kabobs, this buttery shrimp thing where you HAD to dip your bread in the butter to get the "full effect".... I think my friend was trolling me., not to mention the liquor.


Sat, slept all day from food coma, fasted.


But sunday is mothers day, and that means food with people in attendance.. which means watching me eat. So i HAVE to.... so I ate pizza. Like half a damn pizza. And the freakin bread sticks!


Today, i had ZERO control. I started off with reheated pizza for breakfast (i never eat breakfast) for lunch four cutiees mandarin oranges and a toasted bread with butter lunch meat sandwhich. I caughtr myself doing circles in the kitchen looking for something to shove down my throat.


So whats the blessing I spoke of???


Well , I went to my dr appointment KNOWing i had put on FIVE glorious pounds. If thats not a lot to some of you, im only 5'2" . And i was completely defeated.
But someone was watching out for me!


Their computers crashed and a nurse came into the waiting room to tell us that everyone will have to reschedule!! I was so happy, I DON'T HAVE TO WEIGH IN!!! I took the stairs to the parking garage and decided to finish off my binge weekend with... how about a big ol hunkin bowl of chicken feticini Alfredo? I made it. Home made. I seriously have NO CONTROL ONCE I START TO EAT.


Then, yes NOT done... then. How a bout a cup of brandy just to chase it down?


Tomorrow will break the cycle; I do a form of chemo called infusion, where they hook me up to an IV and pump me full of chemicals for four hours. I won't eat for two days because of it. I get it done every five weeks
Excited to have this binge over.

Thanks for being the only people who will understand. Sorry if your day was worse. I just was afraid I had finally lost all control and was going back over 200.

---

[Rant/Rave] fuck my parents
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 110 | 20 | -29 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 20:46:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bex6x/fuck_my_parents/
---
if it weren't for you forcing me to stuff myself beyond satiety, i wouldnt have to double, triple question myself whether im full or not every single meal.

i wouldnt have become a 26 bmi at 15 if it weren't for you passing your FUCKED UP eating habits down to me

i wouldn't have gone this fucking downward spiral if i hadn't been forced to fix all the damage YOU did to my body. feeding me too much. then treating me like a sex object bc i had d cup breasts when i was 13. why? because i was so damn fat.

i couldn't watch you folks eat yourself into an early grave anymore so i starve and binge myself into one instead. how about that.

im sick of taking the blame for all this. im sick of undoing all the damage you did. im sick of it. im sick sick sick of it.

---

[Discussion] How do you guys look mature when you're tiny?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 20:04:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bepr5/how_do_you_guys_look_mature_when_youre_tiny/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Okay, I hope I'm not alone in this... but does anyone get periods of "normal eating"?
/u/whale_x [5'4" | 113. 4lbs | 19.95 bmi | 14F]
Created: Mon May 15 20:01:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bep7i/okay_i_hope_im_not_alone_in_this_but_does_anyone/
---
By that, I mean that for maybe five days, I'll stop caring about what I eat and stop counting calories. This doesn't happen that often, and for me, I think it's linked to my depression. I always gain weight in these periods and end up going back to restriction.

---

[Tip] Wholly Tea Update
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 19:57:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6beoj2/wholly_tea_update/
---
Holy shit guys (no pun intended lol)
This stuff fucking ROCKS
So when I first started it, I didn't poop for like a day or two. I had some really mild cramping but nothing compared to lax cramps. When I did poop, it went really well and like this is so gross but instead of bunny pellet like poop we are all used to, think soft serve ice cream. Lol would highly recommend to you guys! You can buy the tea at GNC and probably in amazon

---

[Rant/Rave] I have a promise to keep.
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Mon May 15 19:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6benu2/i_have_a_promise_to_keep/
---
(Just rambling.)

I've been puking up my food for nine months now, and that "every time is the last time" mentality is really going strong! A few months ago, probably while staring into a toilet bowl, I told myself that I'd actually take quitting b/p seriously if I got into my top choice university. Sure enough, guess who got into a good school?

Today can either be the last day I binge and purge or I can admit to myself that I'm never getting out of this hell and will sink into a lifetime of eat, puke, repeat.

I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to fast until I pass out and yet another part is convinced that eating nothing but apples and pepsi max for two weeks will open my eyes to the ~benefits~ of restricting. Neither of the two options are really viable because I've fucked my health so badly with constant purging, I used to be able to fast 30 hours at 78lbs and now I'm in the high 80s and can't last 10 hours.

But yeah, someone send me good luck and a shit ton of pepsi. I'm not optimistic, but I don't want to lose another year of my life to this behavior.

---

[Discussion] Favourite low calorie crackers & spread
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 114.2 | -23.8 | F | G: 109 | UG: 104... 99?]
Created: Mon May 15 19:47:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bemn1/favourite_low_calorie_crackers_spread/
---
I'm a fan of rice crackers. The one that I like is 16 crackers for 110 calories. I enjoy eating them with bre and tuna salad, but I'm looking for something that has fewer calories. Any recommendations?

---

[Rant/Rave] Sigh... I just binged
/u/Pale_September [5'5"| CW: 133 | GW: 130 | GW2: 120 |M]
Created: Mon May 15 19:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6beibm/sigh_i_just_binged/
---
The last seven or so days have gone like this for me:

fast,fast,fast,binge,fast,fast,binge

Today started well, I had some fruit and a few hours later some oats. Later on I had quinoa and vegetables and then I just lost control and couldn't stop eating. I started drinking sweet chilli sauce towards the end of the binge and now I just feel terrible. It's so much easier for me to go days without eating than it is to eat like 1200 calories in a day. I just couldn't stop thinking about food, last night I dreamt that I was eating fried chicken and I don't even eat meat lol. I'm going to have to fast again to make up for yet another binge. I wish I could learn from this and not do it again.

---

[Rant/Rave] Cant run because of twisted ankle
/u/aeroshames
Created: Mon May 15 19:11:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6beg2g/cant_run_because_of_twisted_ankle/
---
I'm so upset. I twisted my ankle and was told to not run for at least one week, but more likely two weeks (or until I no longer feel pain).

What's worse is I had to take a week off after really badly hurting my back.

I'm going to lose my mind. I can't even do biking or swimming, it hurts too badly. I don't know how I'm going to get through this without gaining. Have you guys ever had this happen?

---

[Discussion] Favorite ED Excuses?
/u/paisley_printed
Created: Mon May 15 18:59:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bedy6/favorite_ed_excuses/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Feel like I have no control, even though the scales keep changing...
/u/Mail--kimp
Created: Mon May 15 18:51:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6beclx/rant_feel_like_i_have_no_control_even_though_the/
---
I don't know what the hell is wrong with my brain! I have lost about 30 lbs and can see that the scales have changed, yet even though I restrict (more a constant restriction just around bmr and way below tdee), with occasional binges and fasts, the numbers are always in deficit. I feel like I have no control and I'm powerless to get to my GW. Then I slip past a goal and the next goal feels miles away and completely unattainable.

Does anyone else feel, that even when restricting etc... they STILL don't feel properly in control of things?

---

[Discussion] Update :
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon May 15 18:47:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bebyx/update/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] ugh, having the worst day
/u/fl0werb0y
Created: Mon May 15 18:44:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6beb9g/ugh_having_the_worst_day/
---
I just want to feel like I'll reach my goals but everything seems impossible and I hate the way I feel today. My body is rly upsetting me and I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to die.
I've never posted on this sub but I've lurked it for a long time. I guess I just need support. I feel like I've lost a lot of control recently.

---

[Discussion] Fasting v.s. Strict Restriction
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 18:34:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6be9i5/fasting_vs_strict_restriction/
---
Honestly, I hate fasting. I know a lot of you get a high from it and swear by it but I don't get that feeling /: So, I was wondering what the difference between eating 100-300 calories a day (or whatever you consider strict) and fasting is? Like, physical differences. Also, which do you personally prefer?

---

[Discussion] Anyone heard of mukbang? Living vicariously through watching someone eat.
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 17:47:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6be0vb/anyone_heard_of_mukbang_living_vicariously/
---
On mobile! Sorry about the flair. I'm pretty new to this subreddit and posting in general....

Been into Korean mukbang shows on YouTube, where I watch beautiful and skinny guys and girls eat a ridiculous amount of food. It feels good sometimes? Like I'm able to enjoy it through them? It helps especially when I'm feeling the urge for a binge coming on or when I'm restricting and need that extra push.

It might just be me, but I find it "soothing" in a kinda sick way. If anyone's interested, it's easy to find vids on YouTube. Also. Here's a link to a Korean webtoon/comic that I felt like was my life for a while.

http://m.webtoons.com/en/thriller/chiller/tasteful-body-cheongbori/viewer?title_no=536&episode_no=6

---

[Rant/Rave] Going to London for a few days and allowing myself to eat.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 17:16:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bdv1f/going_to_london_for_a_few_days_and_allowing/
---
I've been living in Paris for almost a year now and NOT ONCE have I ordered food from anywhere. I get my food at the grocery store and that's it. All the amazing food here and I can't bear to let myself enjoy it.

What if I like it? Then I'll want more. If I don't like it? Guilt from wasted calories.

But damn it, I can eat maintenance for 2 or 3 days and survive. I'm looking at food places and I'm getting very excited. I'm still on a budget, so I can't overdo it.

I'm just really excited that my brain is saying 'Yeah, just enjoy it. You're just visiting, so make the most of it.'

---

[Help] Dealing with headaches
/u/paisley_printed
Created: Mon May 15 16:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bdni9/dealing_with_headaches/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] So I just got fired...and I really want to binge
/u/mandybooboogirl
Created: Mon May 15 16:29:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bdm49/so_i_just_got_firedand_i_really_want_to_binge/
---
Having the ultimate manic Monday. Just got notified via email that I am fired for my "attitude." I had two part-time jobs, so don't qualify for unemployment benefits.

Really want to head to the store and buy a cart-load of binge foods but am hoping by writing instead of driving, I can NOT follow through with that. I wish I was one of those people who vent by creating wonderful poetry or by exercising but it's always the darned food...

---

[Discussion] Anyone try these ready-to-eat shirataki noodles? Are they better in texture than the usual ones?
/u/couldbefatter [5'2" | 109]
Created: Mon May 15 16:07:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bdho5/anyone_try_these_readytoeat_shirataki_noodles_are/
---
http://www2.netrition.com/miracle-noodle-ready-to-eat-meals.html

---

[Thinspo] vintage thinspo: Pattie Boyd
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 16:00:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bdg90/vintage_thinspo_pattie_boyd/
---
http://imgur.com/a/bBV5I

---

[Tip] Milk foam! Your new favorite low-cal 'dessert'.
/u/saIad_days [5'3 | 106.2 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 15:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bdfqk/milk_foam_your_new_favorite_lowcal_dessert/
---
My favorite part of a cappuccino is the foam, so one day I thought "why not have a cup of *just* foam?"

I mix soymilk with sugar free coffee syrup and use the steam wand on my espresso machine to make as much froth as I can. 1/2 cup of milk worth of calories for 2 cups of sweet delicious foam! Some milk has to be dumped because you can only get so much foam until the rest of the milk gets too hot and starts to boil, but the yield is pretty good. I'll usually start with 1/2 cup of milk and then have to do another 1/2 cup or so after the first batch boils. I keep track of the exact calories by measuring out how much milk I start with and then measure it again to see how much is left over after I take the foam out before I dump it.

Dairy milk works too (skim actually works best for this), but I haven't tried almond milk or coconut milk.

If you don't have an espresso machine there's also a way to do it [in the microwave](http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-froth-milk-for-cappuccinos-in-the-microwave-cooking-lessons-from-the-kitchn-100716)

It's fluffy, creamy, sweet, and a giant serving for 40 cals (if you use soy milk, 45 if you use skim). If you use vanilla flavored syrup it's almost like a melted marshmallow! You could even use regular sugar if you wanted and still keep it under 100 cals. I've also tried mixing espresso in the foam, which is really good too!

---

[Intro] A long overdue introduction *BINGE-EATING DISORDER*
/u/bed_warrior [5'10" | 277.4 | 38.70 | -55.6lbs | F 27]
Created: Mon May 15 15:35:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bday4/a_long_overdue_introduction_bingeeating_disorder/
---
Hello everyone! I've been around on this reddit for a few days now, after lurking for about a week or two, and I figured I should probably do a formal introduction.

I've suffered from Binge Eating Disorder (BED) or/and ENDOS since I was about 18, but ED behaviours go back further than that.

My entire adult life, I've never weighed less than 249 lbs and my highest weight was 340. I went into recovery (with the help of a social worker and dietitian in an ED clinic) in January of 2016, weighing in at 333. Right now, I'm hovering around 294, making my total weight lost about 39 lbs. I spent about a year making steady progress, but I've recently derailed hard and started restricting and counting calories again (even though my recovery plan says not to because it causes me to binge).

I'm an emotional and compulsive binger. Reading these posts is really helping me cope with my relapse and I am going to continue working towards achieving a healthy body weight and not bingeing.

Some stats for the curious:

CALORIE GOALS: < 1500 (stage 1)

BMR=2111

TDEE=3271

ULTIMATE GOAL WEIGHT = 180lbs

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Perverse incentives, people.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 15:15:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bd6u5/rant_perverse_incentives_people/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Stopwatch apps for fasting?
/u/Suusss
Created: Mon May 15 14:37:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcyfe/stopwatch_apps_for_fasting/
---
Hayyall - so I'm doing four day fast because my stop watch only goes to 99 hours ( a bit over four days) - but I am worried about it being weird or dying in the middle or it, or the program restarting if I shut off my *friend's phone.

** I am using my laptop because my phone has been dead since trxmp was inaugurated (sad !) **

Any other apps/websites you've tried with success? Any ones with update notifications?

edit: clarity

---

[Discussion] Does Redbull throw anyone else off?
/u/ECStack120 [Height: 5'9 | BMI: 21.26 | CW: 144 | UGW: 120 | Gender: F]
Created: Mon May 15 14:36:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcyai/does_redbull_throw_anyone_else_off/
---
I doubt that it's the caffeine that is the problem, as coffee and 200mg caffeine pills both have the effect of dulling my appetite.

I was eating about 500 cals a day successfully for about three weeks; I was in full keto and doing great (lost 7 lbs during that time). However, I had Red Bull for the first time in several years last Thursday and it totally set off an eating binge that only wrapped up yesterday (Sunday). It also screwed up my sleep. I've also gained back 4 lbs.

Has anyone else gone off the rails after drinking RB? It doesn't have as much caffeine as my pills so I don't know what the problem could be.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this
/u/bloodyhellron [5'6 | 151 | 24.4 | -19| F]
Created: Mon May 15 14:35:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcxwu/why_am_i_like_this/
---
https://imgur.com/YXTL2JJ

---

[Rant/Rave] "You are much thinner."
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 14:24:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcvln/you_are_much_thinner/
---
Hey friends! I spent today hanging out with somebody I haven't seen in a while.

At some point while we were sitting and talking, he had his arm around me and kept brushing his thumb over my ribcage.

Later I made a joke about doing 50 crunches and suddenly having abs, and he said, "Well, yeah, because you're really skinny."

And finally, I mentioned that my relatives have been watching me to see if I looked any thinner. "You *are* much thinner." I was like ***omgareyousureifeellikeilookthesameeventhoughthescalesaysimlessdoireallylookthinnertellmeimthinner***

---

[Tip] Thinking of doing some 24 hour fasts
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 14:20:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcuj4/thinking_of_doing_some_24_hour_fasts/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Saw old pictures and I look the same.
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Mon May 15 13:58:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcptr/saw_old_pictures_and_i_look_the_same/
---
My coworker was talking about her cousin who lost a lot of weight and looks fabulous. It brought my other coworker to mention that I was bigger (over 45lbs bigger it was no secret) and how I changed.

I pulled up some pictures of me at the beach at my high weight expecting to see a whale.

But I didn't. Not quite. I saw the pictures and was stunned.

**I look exactly the same**

I swear. I look in the mirror before I shower. I know what I look like. I know my body. And 185 in a one-piece bathing suit and this morning at 139 naked. I look the same. I inspected and compared and I have the same angles and shapes.

I felt the shame of every binge over the last 12 months hit me all at once. I'm simultaneously thinking there is no point to trying to lose weight and to eat all the things while also thinking how embarrassing it is to look like this still and I have to lose 2 lbs a week and get my shit together and I can't live like this.

Seriously, my thighs are the same shape stuck together, my tummy hangs forward, my arms have bat-fat, my skin bulges on my bra straps.

I've been having bad anxiety lately with chronic apnea and I drop everything. I stopped and sat at my desk staring at my screen just dazed out of my brain. I feel defeated. I look at thinspo and it used to help me, but now I just feel like I will never look any different. My body shape is determined and that's it. Set point, body type, etc. Whatever you call it, I have it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Avoided a binge!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 12:50:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bcalj/avoided_a_binge/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] I'll be body positive when I'm thin
/u/Echolaura [5'10.6"| 138| 18.7| -31| F]
Created: Mon May 15 11:44:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbw1k/ill_be_body_positive_when_im_thin/
---
I love body positivism but hate my appearance. One of the things I'm gonna let myself do when I hit my GW is wear stuff like [this](http://imgur.com/a/OGpr1).

Food is freaking amazing too but I'm afraid when I talk about it people will think 'oh yeah, you look like someone who loves food.' :(

One day I'll be able to eat in public and have people wonder how I "stay so thin!"

I'm afraid people might think I'm being an bitch who's making fun of fat people but it's more of an ironic cry for help. I envy people who can be proud of how they look and really hope body acceptance is possible for me one day.

Anyone else?

---

[Discussion] Made a positive "why I should go to the gym" list :)
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Mon May 15 11:23:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbra3/made_a_positive_why_i_should_go_to_the_gym_list/
---
Was bored at work (as ever) and decided that I should make a "why I should go to the gym" list (for today) as I haven't been in a little over the month. Feel free to add your own suggestions :)

1) Gym clothes are super comfortable

2) Those endorphins

3) The BEST shower afterwards

4) That guilt-free 'I went to the gym feeling'

5) To get 10k steps on my fitbit

6) So I'm tired for tonight and can actually have a good night's sleep before work

7) I can listen to language learning podcasts

8) I can listen to music

9) I will feel energised for cleaning my flat

10) I will drink more water whilst I'm there and water = good

---

[Rant/Rave] Exams seasons throwing me off
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Mon May 15 10:56:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbkxt/exams_seasons_throwing_me_off/
---
My exams have started and the stress is really fucking me up. I came out of my exam today and bought two share size packets of chocolate and ate one before I even realised what I was doing. This is on top of breakfast and lunch and I've still got dinner to go. I'm a mess. I'm thinking of trying to ration the remaining packet out when I want to stress binge again. Not as good as nothing but it should put me off buying more and it's better than eating an entire pack at once. God I'm pathetic.

---

[Goal] took a pic of my son last night and realized he was holding onto my collar bone. i'm getting my pre-pregnancy body back!
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Mon May 15 10:51:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbjym/took_a_pic_of_my_son_last_night_and_realized_he/
---
https://i.redd.it/j0hwzm6v1pxy.jpg

---

[Goal] So I'm officially underweight!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 10:34:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbg7q/so_im_officially_underweight/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Tim Hortons new iced latte
/u/GiveMeASmosh [5''2' | 101.2lb | 18.5 | -13lb | f]
Created: Mon May 15 10:31:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbfek/tim_hortons_new_iced_latte/
---
I'm panicking because I can't find the calories of the new iced latte at Tims anywhere online. Anyone know what a medium might be? I can only find the counts for the old iced lattes which were sweetened so all the calories are way off :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Damn water/food weight is weird...
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 58.4| ♂ |]
Created: Mon May 15 10:17:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbcbu/damn_waterfood_weight_is_weird/
---
Yesterday I was over 65 kg, but today I weigh in at 62.7. All after little more than a day's worth of restricting. I guess I can't complain!

---

[Intro] Hello!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 10:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bbbgi/hello/
---
Hi all!

Excuse my new username, I didn't want my regular account tied to this, as people in my life know my regular username. Let me know if that's not okay. I've had a binge eating disorder since I was in high school or middle school (I'm 26). Sometimes I resort to excessive exercise or laxatives to purge, but never vomiting. On the days when I don't binge, I'm extremely careful with weighing out my food, sticking to daily calorie totals, weighing myself before and after eating (subtracting the mass of food), etc. A few years ago I was able to go several months barely eating anything and got down to 115 lb and was so proud of myself, I had never weighed that little. I feel like I'm so fat, even when others say I'm thin or skinny. I don't know how they can think that, can't they see what I see? I'm meticulously planning my diet (I'm thinking (1000 cal/day) and plan on exercising at least an hour a day. Currently I put psyllium husk and miralax in my shakes, and sometimes do ECA stacks. I'm glad I found this sub, I don't think anyone else would understand. They all just eat when they're hungry and stop eating when they're full. Thank you all for being supportive and non-judgmental. I'd love to be part of this community.

Edit: a word
Edit 2: also I fixed my personal flair so it's better, I was having some formatting issues. Now it should read 5'5" | 130 lb current | 21.6 | 0 lb lost | 26F | GW 105 lb

---

[Discussion] When you say you are fasting what do you mean?
/u/throwaway030816
Created: Mon May 15 09:46:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bb5l0/when_you_say_you_are_fasting_what_do_you_mean/
---
I know peoples interpretation of "fasting" differs. For me, I can eat like 100-300 calories in the day, and I'd still consider it a fast day (I need something to keep me going, as a full on fast makes me binge).

Do you literally eat nothing? Just drink water?

How about coffee?

Just curious what people mean when they say they fast for 10 days, because literally just drinking water for 10 days seems impossible to me.

---

[Help] Fasting + EC stack?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 09:33:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bb2rf/fasting_ec_stack/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Jealousy over my SO's mom
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Mon May 15 08:46:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6basrz/jealousy_over_my_sos_mom/
---
She came to town to visit and she's lost 20 pounds! She wasn't big to start with and now she's like my size. I was immediately jelly and told my bf I wanted to lose 20 pounds. He looked me dead in the eye and said "well she works out." It hurt to hear that from him. It felt like he was saying you're a lazy POS and you'll never lose 20 pounds bc you don't workout. Uhhh it's so frustrating. I am heading to the gym this afternoon and I plan on not leaving until 1000 calories are burned. I can't be this fat glob anymore. I need to have my engagement pictures taken soon and I want to be smaller in them.

Ps. His mom told me she quit drinking beer and wine and that's how she lost most of her weight... she said she does exercise, but most of it came from changing her drink choices.

---

[Discussion] ED things you've accidentally said?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 08:32:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6baq56/ed_things_youve_accidentally_said/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Thinspo - Grimes
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon May 15 08:22:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bao0c/thinspo_grimes/
---
http://imgur.com/a/Ct1Oc

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] Height confusion = BMI confusion
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Mon May 15 08:12:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6baly4/rant_height_confusion_bmi_confusion/
---
I was measured at 5'10" for a long time, but the last time a doctor measured me they said 5'9.5". :( This means my BMI and my body makeup aren't what I thought they were. It fucks with my brain and I don't feel good about it. So I've finally admitted that to myself and updated my flair to reflect the new height.

It's not that being shorter is bad! It's just that I can't trust mirrors, so I rely on BMI to tell me where I stand. And I thought I was thinner than I am. Maybe if I get measured by another doctor in the future, and they say 5'10", I'll change it back. Idk. I feel gross.

Related question, how do those of you that have half-inch measurements use BMI/BMR calculators accurately? A lot of them don't allow decimals.

On mobile, please flair as rant. Thank you!

---

[Discussion] Have you guys seen this I'm in love
/u/geventually
Created: Mon May 15 07:52:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bai22/have_you_guys_seen_this_im_in_love/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] can we share measurements?
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -34 lbs | 24 | CGW: 125]
Created: Mon May 15 07:25:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6bad1i/can_we_share_measurements/
---
i took my measurements for the first time in forever this morning. in inches, i'm 36-31-37. it feels huge. for reference, i'm currently 141.8 lbs.
just curious if any of you are willing to share your measurements as well, and how they compare to your weight?
i love you guys!
EDIT: should've mentioned, i'm 20 years old and 5'5".

---

[Thinspo] Kyly Clarke
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Mon May 15 07:16:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6babht/kyly_clarke/
---
http://imgur.com/a/uJaQn

---

[Thinspo] Your favorite quotes about being skinny.
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Mon May 15 07:13:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6baat2/your_favorite_quotes_about_being_skinny/
---
Hi all. What is your favorite quote about EDs, thinness, or weight loss?

I'll start with something I read online once: "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard."

---

[Discussion] Those who live with their partner, how do you handle it?
/u/clara1992 [5'2" | CW 118lbs | GW 101 | - 12lbs | 24F]
Created: Mon May 15 07:05:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ba9i8/those_who_live_with_their_partner_how_do_you/
---
I currently live by myself, and my apartment and life is pretty "binge free". For example:
- I don't stock/buy any binge/unhealthy foods, and don't have to cater to anyone else's needs.
- I just moved to a new city, so I don't have friends/social life where eating is required.
- I don't have to be around food unless I choose to/plan very carefully.
- I don't have to cook for anyone. And I eat 95% of meals alone.
- No one notices if I am fasting/restricting hard.


However, my boyfriend is moving to my current city, and although he is living at his place, I am presuming we will spend weekends together. He always encourages me to eat, no matter my size, and he eats A LOT. He cooks, or I cook for him - and all my willpower seems to go out the window when he's there. (I gained 10 pounds, in 3 months when we were last together in the same city). I JUST WANT TO EAT WHEN IM AROUND HIM!


Even though his move is two months away, I am so stressed about this! Those who live with their partners, who do or don't know about their ED, how do you handle it? Are you triggered by their presence to restrict even more (maybe due to unkind comments)? Or do they encourage you to eat?

---

[Other] here's the soup that's been saving my butt - 97 calories with pineapple and shrimp and yumminess
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 06:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ba5cv/heres_the_soup_thats_been_saving_my_butt_97/
---
https://imgur.com/V1DeJyv

---

[Rant/Rave] 'That Fucked Up Year Group'
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 06:39:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ba4pg/that_fucked_up_year_group/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE notice how freaking expensive food is once you started restricting?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Mon May 15 06:22:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ba20p/dae_notice_how_freaking_expensive_food_is_once/
---
I've been pretty heavily restricting so I have "safe foods" that I eat. I don't go to fast food or restaurants really anymore. I've started noticing how freakin' expensive food really is and how much money I'm saving. I used to spend like $10 a day on lunch alone. Sometimes I'd get breakfast too for around $4-5. I mean, that's so much money on something that literally turns into shit. I saw some restaurant advertising beef tips special for $8 and I was like good lord that's a bottle of foundation, or a shirt, or literally anything else useful. It's shocking to me how expensive the stuff is.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 15 06:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b9z48/weekly_stats_update_may_15_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 15, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 15 06:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b9z3f/daily_food_diary_may_15_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged! For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] Welp, I'm expecting ten days of mostly fasting.
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Mon May 15 05:32:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b9trn/welp_im_expecting_ten_days_of_mostly_fasting/
---
My boyfriend just left town for some military related stuff. I won't be able to see him for nearly two weeks, will barely be able to speak to him, will know he's stressed out the whole time, and there's a possibility that he might be deployed.

I'm an anxious and emotional wreck and can already tell it's going to be mostly coffee and diet soda and tea and maybe some light foods here and there for the next ten days, because my stomach is too tied up in knots to even want food and it's only day one.

So I mean I guess the silver lining is that I know my body and I know I won't be susceptible to any binges anytime soon.

And man how twisted is it that "I'm so stressed that I can't eat" is a silver lining?

---

[Discussion] Joint pain whilst restricting?
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Mon May 15 03:46:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b9g6e/joint_pain_whilst_restricting/
---
Hey girlies. I've been noticing some weird, intense knee pain on days that I restrict. This happened back in high school too. I eat mostly vegetables- so I'm getting plenty of vitamins. When I eat 1200+ calories- no pain at all.




Anyone else experience something similar?


Mobile- please flair 😻

---

[Thinspo] Wanna follow each other on instagram?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 15 00:49:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8vm4/wanna_follow_each_other_on_instagram/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate men who are attracted to my body.
/u/swaegge [5'5.5" | 108 | 17.7]
Created: Mon May 15 00:42:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8url/i_hate_men_who_are_attracted_to_my_body/
---
It honestly makes me sick when men express that they're attracted to how "tiny" and "petite" I am. I don't do this for them; in fact I'd rather be viewed as sexless and boyish. I feel like there's always an air of smugness about them when they say this kind of stuff, either because they're oblivious to what I go through or because they're well aware of it and they're attracted to my ED specifically. There was an article going around from some misogynist website talking about "why you should date a girl with anorexia" and I feel like some of those views are commonly held. It makes me so sick that something painful that I grapple with every day can be someone's sexual fetish.

---

[Discussion] Anyone surprised they didn't weigh more than they ever did?
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Sun May 14 23:58:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8oz7/anyone_surprised_they_didnt_weigh_more_than_they/
---
When I reflect on how much I used to eat I can't believe I didn't weigh more. When I was at my highest weight ~133 I used to eat at least 2-3 of the following daily (in addition to meals):
-Half a bar of chocolate
-Spoons of peanut butter
-Ramen
-Huge bowls of pasta around at least 800 calories each
-2 or more granola bars
-Tea with four cubes of sugar or more
-Ruffles Sour Cream and Cheddar Chips (<3)
-half tubs of Breyer's


I also rarely exercised. I'm actually very surprised I never got obese. Anyone else?

---

Most you've ever lost in 2 weeks?
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Sun May 14 23:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8l4z/most_youve_ever_lost_in_2_weeks/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone Else Can't Stop Eating Once They Start?
/u/Flesh_Daddy_
Created: Sun May 14 23:15:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8j8s/anyone_else_cant_stop_eating_once_they_start/
---
Can't flair BC of mobile but anyone else have a hard time just having a snack because you always end up wanting more?

I was looking up advice on how to suppress your appetite on an ana forum and everyone was saying how you should eat a little bit throughout the day but my relationshit with food won't let me do that. If I snack throughout the day I get even hungrier and then I end up binging.

Anyone else have this problem?

---

[Help] Good sugar-free options without sugar alcohols?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 22:50:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8fmr/good_sugarfree_options_without_sugar_alcohols/
---
I won't even be in the states for another 2 months and I'm already making my grocery lists. Totally not neurotic.

I'm all for sugar-free, but I have trouble finding things make with artificial sweeteners that don't have sugar alcohols. Even some candies that advertise being made with Splenda contain some sorbital or maltitol. I can't even chew sugar-free gum because my digestive system is so irritated by the alcohols.

If you guys have any good sugar-free foods, I'm down to hear suggestions.

---

[Help] ED and sports? (help)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 22:39:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b8e9t/ed_and_sports_help/
---
(sorry if I flared wrong)

Hey guys!

So as my post suggests, this is about ED's and sports. Currently Im doing Taekwon Do (hour each practice) twice a week, school track and field, (four practices a week, an hour long- hurdles, long distance, and relay) and basketball training sessions once a week (2 hours) in addition to running/jogging/walking 5k nearly every day. (sometimes sprinting to improve my speed) Im also sort of in recovery, although Im noticing Im putting on weight! My body builds muscle stupidly fast, and Im super worried about bulking up and looking like a man.

Anyhow, several of the coaches at the bball training were telling me that I should join the competitive team, and my parents suggest joining a track and field team outside of school. I can only pick one sport, and I love doing both, but Im worried about what will happen to my body shape-wise. Im thinking of decreasing my intake to 1200-1500, and hoping I wont put on muscle mass, since I already have enough bulk on my thighs. Im worried bbal will make my thighs thicker, and Im also worried track will make me thick too (hurdles and sprints).

Anyhow, Im also torn between both sports and not sure which one to do. I love both. I dont even know why im rambling or what im asking for, but thanks for reading . Any input will be appreciated

---

[Thinspo] [Help] 2-month progress thinspo?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 21:59:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b88do/help_2month_progress_thinspo/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] List your body likes/dislikes here!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 21:38:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b858h/discussion_list_your_body_likesdislikes_here/
---
What are some things you like about your body? Even if you're in a really negative period, I'm sure you can something. For me: my chest/collarbone area. My clavicle (love that word lol) is nicely shaped and prominent. You can see all the little bones in my neck and I like that. Also my neck is very tiny and people have commented on how thin it is before, and I like that. Also: my eyes. They are green which is pretty uncommon. And lastly, my feet. They have high arches and look quite dainty.

Go ahead and post your negative aspects too if you want! Although I'm trying to be positive here overall, it's nice to rant a little. Me: my thighs. It's pretty common, but I hate how they are so big compared to my calfs! Ick I hate them so much. Worst part of my body by far. Besides my face (I could rant on and on about it, but what am I gonna do lol) my skin can be really oily and pore-y (is that a word) most of the time. No matter what I do I'm always so "shiny." Feels like fattening food grease. Gross. What about y'all?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] A small light in the sea of darkness...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 21:21:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b82n8/rave_a_small_light_in_the_sea_of_darkness/
---
After a shitty last couple days of binging, at least one good thing happened. I was taking a shower with one of those lush shower jellies (http://www.lushusa.com/shower/shower-jellies/) and when I got out a piece of it was stuck above my collarbone, like a little ledge! First good thing about my body in days especially after gaining 3 pounds since Thursday 😒.

---

[Help] Bruises EVERYWHERE
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Sun May 14 21:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b80bh/bruises_everywhere/
---
I am a klutz with no depth perception. I am also terribly pale and forgot that when I get my BMI into the teens it gets so much worse.
Guys, it's so bad. My legs look like a connect the dots constellation in a coloring book and now that I'm not sure what to do about it.
I take iron and multivitamins, other than avoiding the constant collision that is my existence, does anyone else suffer from this? What do you guys do? I wear nude fishnets so they are less obvious but like... its real bad. I'm waiting for someone to ask me if I feel safe at home or if I'm being abused.

---

[Thinspo] Male thinspo with varying levels of thinness
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Sun May 14 20:47:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b7wyv/male_thinspo_with_varying_levels_of_thinness/
---
http://imgur.com/a/U1o3r

---

[Rant/Rave] "Stop"
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 120 | 30F]
Created: Sun May 14 20:41:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b7w2b/stop/
---
My husband gave me “the talk” where he says something along the line of “YOU think I DONT notice how little you eat, How tired you get from it it, how You go days without eating… and that I knows I dont want to hear about it but if nobody is going to worry about it nobody, and will certainly not me. That I’m getting sick because of this, that I’m going to keep fucKing it all up and “YOU NEED TO STOP I worry ALL THE TIME” etc etc it went on for like 5 minutes while I’m standing in the doorway to leave the room for so..

I’M NOT EVEN SMALL I’M FINE

“Il’l eat more????”

I binge on dinner "in delight" that night

I’m so fucking

LIVID

I am going to crydie

justleavemealone

I’m OLD AS AF.

I’m married, living together. It’s differerent. I dont know what to do other thsn the time hes not home. (this is NOT A DIG at younger people) But if I was 15 years younger, this would be a total different situation

IE: I just got leggings in for a cosplay in a few months and I expect to be a certain weight by then and I said well they're a bit tight and he said they're fine and I said I would have lost weight by then anyway and he was like ??? on his face.
He got a giant roast for dinner.
AS IF I WILL JUST STOP?? I can't figure out what to do. Purging for me is really difficult for some reason even though I used to I purged quite often when I was young.

---

[Rant/Rave] I wish I wasn't expected to eat lunch with my friends at work
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 20:28:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b7tt3/i_wish_i_wasnt_expected_to_eat_lunch_with_my/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Why did I do that
/u/lumosxnox
Created: Sun May 14 19:13:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b7h4h/why_did_i_do_that/
---
So I've been eating under 600 since I got home from college around a week ago. Most days I didn't even get close to hitting 600. Had a whoosh and went from 130 to 125 in that time period. Then last night my friends and I had a party because one of my friends turned 21. I smoked and ended up eating three pieces of pizza and two cake balls I had made. I got home and proceeded to binge on Cheeto puffs, Doritos, a yogurt, cookies, a fuckin' moonpie and other crap. I ate almost 2,000 calories of crap in the span of like two hours. WHY. Why do I hit one of my goal weights and then lose control like that. I've lost 23 pounds but I keep sabotaging myself when I hit goal weights. I got drunk the other night and wrote the word "FAT" on my bathroom mirror in toothpaste. It's not even sad at this point, just pathetic and kind of funny. I feel like a walrus in girls clothing. I know this is all over the place but I'm so angry with myself right now. I have to be in control. I have to be better. Twenty more pounds to go.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun May 14 18:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b7bpf/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/x5s49zdk8kxy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] "Break"
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun May 14 18:36:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b7ayv/break/
---
So idk who to tell this to so I'll just write it here. A year ago, me and my husband were perfectly happy. He told me everything, his past, what he wants in this relationship, how much hope he had for us, how days before we met, he was planning to kill himself. I had saved him. One of the promises we made ti eachother was not to ever lie bc we both have dealt with partners in the past who have lied and we didn't want that.

Well about 3 months in, it happened. It was a small lie but it was HUGE to him for obvious reasons. I had invited someone over to do my nails without his permission and he didn't like the person. After he yelled at me about that, he asked if i gave her the address. I said no, because i didn't want him to be even more angry. He found out the lie bc we know each others facebook info. After all that we've talked about, i betrayed him and his trust.

A year and a half later, it's still a present problem in our relationship, among other quirks and flaws of mine (thinking of myself first, sexual incompatiblity, and all around awkwardness). He's still hurt and he'll take it to his grave. I don't know what to do other than not make those same mistakes and i haven't. But that's not enough. He's an overachiever and I'm... Not. He wants me to match his effort.

I do the same thing everyday. I watch tv, get on social media and sleep. I don't have a job rn so he's basically doing everything for me. (I'll find out if i got the job tomorrow) He wants me to show more interest in him but we're complete opposites. Normal couples watch tv but he doesn't like tv. My depression is major and i don't really have interest in anything that requires me leaving the bed. The things i do have interest in requires money. And i don't have that.

Anyways, he thinks about all the times I've done wrong, everyday and the guilt is just so hard on me, i shut down. He needs to feel better but idk how to do it. So we're taking a break. We live together but since it's his house, i have to go. Tomorrow. I have nowhere to go but I'm looking. I don't have good experiences with breaks but I'm willing to try so that we can be happy. We're both so sad all the time and it's exhausting. I know tbat if i can make him happy, I would feel better.

At this point, I'm not even sure what I'm here for. I don't make him happy. I make him feel like shit. He feels like he can't talk to me about his feelings bc most of them are about the things I've done and they make me feel bad. Sexually, he wants me to be all over him and be sexy but i can't bc that's just not me. He needs to feel wanted but because I'm so awkward i can't do that.

I'm just so stressed. My hair is falling out. I'm not losing, i feel like a horrible person and now i have to move out. Idk what to do or how to fix this.


*comments/opinions are welcomed.

---

[Help] Seeking advice/support on inpatient [discussion]
/u/cokezerohoe
Created: Sun May 14 18:20:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b78b7/seeking_advicesupport_on_inpatient_discussion/
---
Hello everybody. I spend hours on this sub everyday, but this is my first post. Although I've done my best to try to hide my disorder, I've been at a BMI of about 16.5 for over a year now and my parents no longer believe my lies that I'm fine and have a totally healthy relationship with food. They've decided to send me to a inpatient or residential treatment center. I REALLY don't want to go. I do want to recover, but I am terrified of going into such an intense treatment facility. Also, I'm 20 so I'll be with real adults which freaks me the fuck out because I still feel like a teenager. Does anyone have any advice on how to convince them not to send me away? Or since whatever I say probably won't work, maybe advice on inpatient/residential in general? Thanks so much in advance!

---

[Help] Help me stop purging
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun May 14 17:12:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6wqz/help_me_stop_purging/
---
I absolutely hate it.
I hate that it's become a crutch.
How do I slowly stop purging? I'd rather restrict than purge. I need help on either quitting cold turkey or help trying to reduce my intake because I can't keep on purging I feel so empty and sallow and just in a terrible place.

It sounds like I'm looking for tips right? But the thing is, I'd rather restrict and risk NOT purging, than to quit cold turkey, eat a normal amount and end up purging.

I cannot go a day without purging. My teeth are getting too sensitive and I'm so scared of regaining weight.

---

[Discussion] Yoga??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Sun May 14 17:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6wgq/yoga/
---
So does anyone here do yoga regularly? I used to be really into it. I'm just wondering if you guys count calories burned from it, if you find it helps with ED thoughts, etc.

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[Help] Close to UGW?
/u/artbookstea
Created: Sun May 14 17:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6w49/close_to_ugw/
---
I'm about 8lbs (3.6 kg) from my UGW, it might still take a couple months to get there, but I'm not really sure what to do when I reach it... Maybe I would maintain a deficit during the week and eat it back on the weekends or something. What did you do/plan on doing once you hit your goal?

Another thing I've been thinking about is exercise. I want to start working out eventually, but I'm worried about my weight fluctuating once I start gaining muscle. Should I go below my goal weight then gain it back while exercising?

I guess what I'm asking is what do you think I should do (or what would you do) to maintain goal weight eating-wise/ tone without gaining weight?

(I'm on mobile so I can't flair, sorry! <3)

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[Help] I feel like binging
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sun May 14 17:08:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6w24/i_feel_like_binging/
---
I know it's an urge. I'm supposed to accept it or whatever but I'm not sure how. I bought king candy bars for the mom's in my office and I want to eat them all. I put them in my managers office but I know they are there and it's really getting to me.

Anyone want to chat?

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[Rant/Rave] I have two scales that are saying two different things. UGH
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Sun May 14 16:45:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6rsr/i_have_two_scales_that_are_saying_two_different/
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One of my scales makes me 3 pounds heavier than the other. And its like, why does everything have to be so complicated lmao i just wanna know how much i accurately weigh.

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[Rant/Rave] There's always something that throws me off.
/u/what-a-sneakysnake
Created: Sun May 14 16:13:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6m0o/theres_always_something_that_throws_me_off/
---
No matter how carefully I plan out my calorie intake for the day, there's always *something* to change, add, or estimate. I'll log my food for the day; I'll notice what's unavoidable and what I could maybe get out of. I'll close MyFitnessPal and actually do stuff, and I'll think, "There we go."

And then somebody says, "Change of plans." "Wanna go out to eat somewhere tonight?" "Your father's coming over to cook." Every goddamn day there's *something*. So I never get anything done because I'm always recalculating; I can't do anything if I'm remaking my entire day. I won't be able to focus if I don't know exactly how many calories I'll eat today, but food is so unpredictable.

I hate it. I hate that MyFitnessPal has used 34% of my battery today and 85 MB of my cellular data this month because I'm on it *all the time*. I hate that I can't just log my day and be done with it; I hate having to plan and recalculate, plan and recalculate. I hate that I can't just go to Starbucks with my friends without counting and counting and *counting* because it was unprecedented.

And despite that, I still don't want to stop counting, because I still have to if I want to be healthy. I'm just annoyed, I guess.

Ugh.

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[Discussion] Food scale: a blessing and a curse
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F 🌼]
Created: Sun May 14 16:04:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6kdm/food_scale_a_blessing_and_a_curse/
---
Bought a food scale in an attempt to try and curb purging whenever I eat an unknown (or estimated) amount of calories. Control, yay!

The good news is I've been drastically underestimating my cereal portions.

The bad news?

Peanut butter. Dense little motherfucker. 😭😭😭

That is all.

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[Rant/Rave] "You look like you've lost weight!" [RAVE]
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Sun May 14 15:47:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6hda/you_look_like_youve_lost_weight_rave/
---
On mobile but yeah.

Finally, ten pounds and countless episodes of anxiety later, I was told for the first time since eighth grade (other than by my boyfriend) that I look smaller! And by an ex-boyfriend!!!

This is super invigorating and motivating. I almost caved and ate lunch at work, but he was managing and told me this out of the blue (we work together lmfao don't work with your partners). He's dating this super skinny vegan Asian girl now, so idk it was a just a great push. I have no desire to win him back or anything, we're great friends now, but it's always pleasing to hear something like that from an ex.

Now wish me luck at Mother's Day dinner. 🙃

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[Other] Mother's Day dinner disaster avoided
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 15:47:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6hb9/mothers_day_dinner_disaster_avoided/
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My family originally wanted to go out for Mother's Day dinner (immediate panic mode) but then I very kindly suggested to cook dinner for the entire family. Huge anxiety relief being able to control what was going to be on the table and not have to worry about finding something in the restaurant that my mom picked. And my whole family actually liked the meal too - which I ate only the soup, because I'm vegetarian and I put meat in everything else :)

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone get angry at other people who are trying to lose weight?
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 15:25:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6d8c/anyone_get_angry_at_other_people_who_are_trying/
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Really weird feelings these days. Been restricting to no end and finally lost 10+ lbs over a few months. Finally felt great when I got on the scale last week. It was a bit of a surprise.

But mid-exams now and binging/purging (trying not to purge, so gaining...)

But yes. the title of my post. My roommate is overweight, drinks beer/wine/eats chicken wings/greasy food/hates fruits/doesnt give a crap. She wears skimpy tops and tight dresses that accentuate her fat folds whereas I'm just always in a baggy sweater.

She's recently 'trying to copy me'. She splits all her meals up into portions and always has leftovers (no matter how little is leftover) - literally 3 forkfuls. Like what is the point?

I just feel so annoyed when I see it and I have the mindset that I'm trying so hard and it's not that easy to lose weight. That she can't just up and start losing weight like that. I have a long history of bulimia+insane workouts+being a gym rat - now I'm just relying on restricting which is working like a miracle.

I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has similar feelings? It feels so petty of me, like I'm scared that she'll actually start losing weight whereas I'll always lapse into the vicious b/p cycle.

TLDR: roommate's 'copying' my restricting habits and I'm scared that she'll actually lose weight since she doesn't have an ED

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[Help] how frequently do you use psyllium powder?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 100.8 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 15:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b6ajc/how_frequently_do_you_use_psyllium_powder/
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i just got the stuff and I love it. it actually keeps me full and stops my stomach from cramping when I'm fasting. only thing is, I am not sure if I should just start using it every day? so far I've been doing a half a teaspoon every other day. I've tried finding info online about how frequently people take it, and if taking it every day would potentially be dangerous, but there isn't much info other than "ask your doctor". so very helpful.

advice? personal experiences?

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[Rant/Rave] i thought i was recovered...
/u/salt_skin [5'4" | CW 140lbs | BMI 24.5 | GW 98 lbs | ]
Created: Sun May 14 14:42:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b659u/i_thought_i_was_recovered/
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i've been here on and off for awhile and i sort of disappeared since around november/december? i can't remember exactly. i thought i was fairly recovered, but i realized i had binged myself 10+ pounds heavier in the past month or so and it's only been getting worst. i've been eating 3000+ cals in 5-10 minutes. i haven't been this bad in 5 years at least! i've wanted to purge SO badly, but my teeth are already in such bad shape. if it weren't my front teeth that have been suffering the damage, i wouldn't even care and i'd purge anyway, but it's bad. i just want to be normal, but if i'm not in a b/restrict or b/p cycle, then i don't know. i don't know who i am without this. or any kind of self-imposed suffering really. it's not like this is my only vice, if you could call it that. so if i don't have this, maybe my other vices would take a stronger hold. i feel fake because it's not like i was ever formally diagnosed anyway. i'd have to tell someone to get a diagnosis. i always enter a binge phase before my weight loss can seem scary to others, so it's not like anyone can tell. but i think my doctors catch on when any time i visit them and i weigh less. only my doctors have been questioning my weight loss at this point. i had to get an iron infusion because i was fainting. i was on medical leave from work. and instead of admit to anyone what was going on, i just acted like i had no idea. but i know it's because i have disordered eating. even without a formal diagnosis. even if no one knows that just because they saw me binge, doesn't mean i didn't starve myself for days afterward. i'm not even sure why i'm here again or why i'm telling you all this. i'm not looking to be swayed one way or the other. i'm not sure what i'm looking for. all i know is today, i'm praying i don't binge again.

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[Meme/Humor] ED brain ?funny? Moment
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Sun May 14 13:55:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b5w5y/ed_brain_funny_moment/
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So I was browsing Facebook and saw a picture that said "I suck at keeping in touch but I like you." With a picture of a cat. I read it as "keep sucking it in bitch" twice before I realized it was getting into my brain wrong.


I can't tell if my brain was talking about the food I am fucking into my maw like a ravenous hyena or my protruding gut. Either way..... Not hungry anymore.

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[Help] Just binged like crazy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 13:02:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b5lkj/just_binged_like_crazy/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "pro ed" rant
/u/flowenflower [5'2 | CW: 93 | 17.57 | GW: 89 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 12:24:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b5duu/pro_ed_rant/
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ranty rant rant. mobile right now and can't flair, sorry!

but why do people equate pro ed with actively encouraging others to harm themselves? then there's those that think pro ed is ~praying to the ana/mia goddesses for blessings~. IT'S ANNOYING JDJFG

like, yeah, i'm pro ed. i don't want to recover, i don't wish to recover, and people should respect that because it's my choice and my body. i'm not ~giving out tips~ or encouraging others to engage in similar behaviours or develop an eating disorder. i respect those who do not want to recover just as i wish to be respected in return, but normal people think we're the devils that need to be exorcised or something, omg because we're endangering the youth or smth ridiculous.

i shouldn't have recovery shoved down my throat, especially if i feel like it would be more damaging to me. this is how i cope, how i make it through the day. and i couldn't imagine having that taken away from me, i would flip. i tried recovery, and i just ended up in a bad bulimic phase. so that totally worked out well!

and that's why i love this place and you guys. 😊 it's nice to not be judged, to just word-vomit my feelings and have so many others understand. it's nice that we can all offer each other support. i hate that i feel like i have to keep this subreddit a secret as if i'm doing something criminally wrong. i get scared browsing it in public, but i shouldn't. i thought about making a throwaway when i first posted, but eh, why?

having an ed is lonely as hell as is, so it's nice that there's so many others out there that can relate. and it makes things just a little bit more bearable knowing that.

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[Rant/Rave] Didn't get judged for my ED!
/u/imnevergold [5'7 | 120 | 18.73 | F | ]
Created: Sun May 14 11:48:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b56rz/didnt_get_judged_for_my_ed/
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I posted a story on r/asianparentstories basically saying that my asian parents constantly telling me to lose weight and shit may have contributed to my ED. Specifically, I fasted for a week in middle school with a Muslim friend for Ramadan (I am not Muslim, I was just curious). I fasted from sunrise to sunset and would usually eat like a slice of pizza and a hamburger or something in between. [TRIGGER WARNING MENTION OF WEIGHT LOSS AHEAD]. In 8th grade I was about 5'5 and 128lbs and this was the heaviest I had ever been. In one week I lost 8lbs and my mom complimented the shit out of me. I now use fasting as my go to method of weight loss. I would rather fast than restrict or purge (even though I have really wanted to at times). But basically no one judged me and was like "YOU ARE SO UNHEALTHY GET YOURSELF HELP". Which is nice, because that's the usual reaction I think I'll get and the one I hate the most. I think it's because weight loss and dieting are so normalized in Asian culture. In America it's kind of normal to see overweight people and be surrounded by all this "body positivity" which can turn into skinny shaming sometimes. Growing up in a culture that idolizes skinniness is a different thing. People will tell you it's normal to be 105lbs at 5'6. No one really cares if someone looks "too skinny". Idk I think it's pretty nice to tell normal people about my ED and have people bitch about how their parents also body shamed them instead having them bitch at me for having an ED.

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[Rant/Rave] LOVELY EXAM BINGE CYCLE, AM I RIGHT?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 58.4| ♂ |]
Created: Sun May 14 11:08:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b4yvm/lovely_exam_binge_cycle_am_i_right/
---
Goodbye underweight BMI.

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[Other] I'm not taking ephedrine today, wish me luck
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Sun May 14 11:08:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b4ys3/im_not_taking_ephedrine_today_wish_me_luck/
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I've been taking 2 ec stacks per day since January. I'm getting to the point where I need to start maintaining but I'm terrified.

Anyway, today is the first day and I'm praying that I can make it through without binging. This grumbling in my tummy is a foreign feeling.........

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[Rant/Rave] The Struggle at Family Parties
/u/mycaloriesfrombooze
Created: Sun May 14 11:05:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b4y8w/the_struggle_at_family_parties/
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I woke up triggered today because it's US Mother's Day and I'm going to a family dinner party. It's my husband's family.

I woke up angry about the food. Angry at the people who are going to be vocal about noticing what I eat. I woke up panicking about the snacks and comfort foods that will be there, panicking about how I can't just get drunk and smoke a bunch of cigarettes to avoid eating.

I woke up wanting to cry and scream about having to put clothes on and attempt to be cute when I feel like a disgusting pig. I can already feel the meltdown of having nothing to wear, or my hair or makeup not doing what I want and feeling like shit and wanting to eat, drink, and smoke a bunch of cigarettes to cope with that.

Eating/not eating has been difficult lately anyway. Yesterday I had a melt down while we were out shopping because I was hungry and compulsively reading Nutrition Facts, meanwhile my husband had a soda and two chicken strips from the grocery deli. But any thoughts about group eating are insanely triggering, and I don't trust myself whatsoever.

So I just don't even want to go, but I'll drive myself crazy if I stay home. And I just don't know what to do.

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[Rant/Rave] I binged for ONE week and now I'm up 8 lbs
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Sun May 14 10:39:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b4t8k/i_binged_for_one_week_and_now_im_up_8_lbs/
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WTF. I want to throw my scale into the fucking blender, this is not fair. I've been back on track all today and I'm having a weigh—in tomorrow! I don't want the doctor to think I'm quickly increasing in weight. I know most of it is waterweight, but I need to weigh less at the next weigh—in.

Do I just drink water? Will that make the waterweight go away tomorrow? Plz help, I want to die.

Flair: help

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[Help] I just need some support
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 10:38:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b4t3c/i_just_need_some_support/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Being okay with higher restriction
/u/HappinessIsClose [5'9.5 | 157.5 | 22.9 | -4.2 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 10:13:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b4oec/being_okay_with_higher_restriction/
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Hey lovelies <3 I hope you're all doing alright.

I've been having a little bit of an inner war lately, to put it lightly.

For the past 4-5 months I've been trying to restrict, but to no avail. I think a huge part of this is the fact that my definition of "restriction" has been 600-700 calorie days, which I successfully manage for about a week only to crash, burn, and binge.

This has been going on literally every damned day of 2017 so far. I've lost no weight- in fact I've probably put on a pound or two, but nothing drastic.

Clearly this isn't working. I need to up my limit if I want to go anywhere.

The thing is, though... (sorry if this is triggering, here's a warning beforehand) deliberately eating above 800 calories a day just feels so wrong now. I used to restrict to 1200-1500 calories easily, but that number just feels *dirty* to me nowadays, and I don't know why. Rationally I know this is for my own good, but agghhhhhhh...

I just hate my weight so much right now, getting to my GW within 1 month sounds so much more appealing than getting to it in 3 months. But that requires heavy restriction, which I clearly can't handle.

I don't even know what I'm asking for here, but thank you for reading anyways. I'm glad to have you all <3 stay safe!!

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[Rant/Rave] Frustrating rant about drinking and binging.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 08:05:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b41ki/frustrating_rant_about_drinking_and_binging/
---
[removed]

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[Help] i hate surprises [rant/help]
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 07:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b40er/i_hate_surprises_ranthelp/
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like all of my posts, this is impossibly long. i am perpetually sorry for it. writing every little thought out is pretty cathartic and helps me sort my head a bit.

okay so this weekend is the first real weekend my husband and i have since starting our new jobs. we spent yesterday mostly cleaning the house, picking up groceries, and generally goofing around. I did really well calorie-wise. lunch was 60 calories and dinner was about 300, had a couple vodka sodas, probably ended around 500-600. i wake up this morning tired as all hell. husband says "guess where we're going today?" oh shit oh shit oh shit. "where" "the renaissance festival!!!"

i love renfest so much. i don't dress up for it or anything​, but it's always fun and i generally have a great time. but this is the first time going since i broke out of recovery. renfest is beer and huge roast turkey legs and fried alligator and beer and beer and beer, the fun is just really based around wandering around getting sloshed watching all sorts of cool stuff. i literally JUST this morning hit my first gw i set for myself since relapse. and it's gonna get fucked up today. i somewhat know logically that one day isn't going to set me back all that far. it'll mostly be beer and sodium bloat that i can mostly undo with lax. but the not logical side of me wants to crawl under a rock and hide forever. ive done festivals before, renfest music festivals wurstfest (literally gallons of beer at a time and tons of sausage and butter corn on sticks, it's insane but again so much fun!) but somehow i guess since i hit a GW this just feels like disaster.

im thinking of eating some oatmeal before we go (found one with 10g of protein at 160 cals which is high for me to eat this early cause i IF) but im thinking the fiber might keep me full through the first couple hours, but then it's like what if that doesn't work and i wind up spending that 160 for nothing. the best reassurance i have right now is that im going to be running around basically all day so hopefully that'll give me a smidge of activity to offset some of the intake.

do any of y'all have any tips on surviving this? disclaimer: im not like, omg pls give me ~ana goddess tips~ so i can be a butterfly amongst peasants. just in the sense of dealing with the anxiety, letting go of it to enjoy myself, and damage control afterward.

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[Discussion] Random super power thoughts
/u/lose115
Created: Sun May 14 07:33:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3wq9/random_super_power_thoughts/
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It's super early and I'm still drunk from sleep having just woke up but wouldn't it be cool to have a super power where you have like accumulated all this fat and then your enemy attacks and so you go through this like getting ready montage where you float in the air and raise your arms up to your side, then above your head, then down in front of your face in like prayer pose with eyes closed... and then fling your fat onto your enemy and it attacks them!

Anyone else have random super power fantasties like that? Just me? Ok.

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R
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 07:28:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3vun/r/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "I have a stuffy nose, so I might weigh a little more right now."
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 07:25:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3viy/i_have_a_stuffy_nose_so_i_might_weigh_a_little/
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Crazy thoughts while weighing self part 8174840

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Random super power thoughts
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 14 07:25:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3vhg/random_super_power_thoughts/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 14 06:11:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3lcj/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 14 06:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3kl7/daily_food_diary_may_14_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged! For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Discussion] How many of you are religious?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 50kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Sun May 14 05:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3f4h/how_many_of_you_are_religious/
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Just out of sheer curiosity.

I haven't really known any religious men/women with ED, and wondered if there were any browsing this sub.
How has having an ED affected your relationship with your religion? Has it made it easier? Harder?

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[Other] [Other] I hope that getting thin is the cure...
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sun May 14 05:00:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3csz/other_i_hope_that_getting_thin_is_the_cure/
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... otherwise I don't what else I'm going to do :(

Does anyone else sometimes take a moment to question whether it's possible to even have happiness at the end of this road? Is this the magical end point that will make it all go away? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I only live to find out.

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[Other] Rambles from my brain
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Sun May 14 04:58:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b3chi/rambles_from_my_brain/
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Im so painfully aware of my body. Every single inch. All the rolls on my stomach, the pinching of my pants on my waistline. Theres too much of it. Im aware of the sores on the roof of my mouth. Aware of the food sitting in my stomach. Aware of all the extra fat on my body.
Everything is so fucked.
Im so tired of this feeling.

*on mobile sorry for no flair idk what to tag it as either

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[Help] Okay I'm done with this.
/u/Nutx33 [5'3'' | CW:115 | GW: 105 💃🏼 | 19F 👑]
Created: Sun May 14 04:32:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b39ve/okay_im_done_with_this/
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Today I wanted to fast, but this forum triggered me a bit, so yeah, I've eaten a bag of dates, hurray. BUT I wanted to say that I don't even want to eat more? Strange. I've lost some weight since April so I'm proud but to be honest, I'm done with all this binge-restrict cycle and want to say goodbye to this community. Don't even know if this is a good idea?? But hopefully it will help me to relax my mind.
I just need some encouraging words or something lol pls help, sorry for this rant.

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[Help] Thought I was ready to try recovery...nope
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sun May 14 00:23:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b2kla/thought_i_was_ready_to_try_recoverynope/
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I did manage to eat at maintenance (even slightly above!) without panicking while my family was here, but they just left and I got a bunch of swimsuits I ordered in the mail and I tried them on and.... well, let's just say maybe I'll be ready for recovery another five pounds from now.
All I can think of right now is how can one body *possibly* be so different on the top and the bottom? My upper body looks so pretty- collarbones and chest bones and thin delicate arms and everything I've always coveted in thinspo- but my hips and thighs and butt are *so gigantic* and I feel like all I can do is hide them because even if I lose all the weight, the bones are still all wrong... anyway, back to sub-300 calorie days and plus-800 calorie workouts for now.
I dunno. Just had to tell someone what's on my mind and you guys always understand.

Edit: checked my measurements and they're all at least half an inch up. How on earth did I eat that much in three days?!

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[Tip] Head's up, we might be getting brigaded soon
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 99.4| BMI:19.4 l GW 90| -45 l]
Created: Sat May 13 22:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b27bq/heads_up_we_might_be_getting_brigaded_soon/
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I'm sorry but I saw a post in a popular subreddit degrading us and I'm ***juuuuust*** at that level of tipsy where I had to defend us, which might cause more attention from people we don't want here.

If there was a survey about how many more people want us to be a private sub, add me to the list.

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[Rant/Rave] 83 hours done! Only 3 hours to go!
/u/clara1992 [5'2" | CW 118lbs | GW 101 | - 12lbs | 24F]
Created: Sat May 13 22:23:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b25ow/83_hours_done_only_3_hours_to_go/
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So may first-ever fast is coming to an end! Did I achieve my weight loss goal of losing 2lbs? Almost, I lost 1.98lbs. However, I guess what I am most happy with is sticking to the fast for 87 hours. *pats self on back*

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[Intro] If everyone wants to treat me like I'm invisible then I might as well disappear.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 13 22:20:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b259t/if_everyone_wants_to_treat_me_like_im_invisible/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] Hi guys!
/u/Littlesilverbird [5'3"|CW122|22.21|UGW96|F29]
Created: Sat May 13 22:13:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b248n/hi_guys/
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Hi there,

I've been lurking for a little while now and posted on a couple of posts (some I had to delete as they were on my main username, sorry :/ ). Anyways I just wanted to introduce myself!

So really I can't remember a time when I haven't had an issue with body image and eating. My mother was morbidly obese growing up and when I was little I used to listen to her talk about how lonely she was and how she had no friends and in my head I thought I wanted to be like her so she wouldn't feel lonely anymore. At this point I was a naturally skinny child who was super active.

Puberty hit and so did hormonal issues (yay PCOS and Endometriosis and Hypothyroidism). And suddenly I wasn't skinny anymore and I didn't know why and I panicked because I thought my wish as a small child was coming true and I didn't want it. So I started skipping meals. First just one a day and then I stopped snacking and then just one meal.

This was during a time when I only vaguely knew what eating disorders were and I eventually got to the point where I would spend most of my time pretending to eat and binning most of my food or feeding it to the dogs under the table. And it was working and then I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and these magical pills combined with never eating and I was skinny again. And I still had an unhealthy relationship with food, but for a few short months I was a little kinder to myself.

Then at 17 I met my first partner/love/gigantic douchelord. At the time I had lost most of the weight and was around 105 (at 5'3") and didn't feel too horrible about myself anymore. But he was extremely abusive and made me feel like I was a disgusting creature he was blessing with his time and how I had to lose more weight and how I was "flabby" and needed to be fit and I basically spent the next five years with full blown disordered eating. Heavy restricting, exercising over three hours a session, sometimes multiple times in a day. I also snowboarded and mountain biked on top of the gym. After a while I started cycles of b/p when he was at work. I would wait for him to leave, walk to the grocery store and buy everything I could possibly imagine wanting to eat. Eat everything and then throw up and then take whatever I hadn't eaten from my b/p session and throw it away before he got home. I would go on my lunch breaks and buy four slices of pizza. Eat and then go to the bathroom, pop some gum in my mouth and then go back to work.

We split up (he was cheating on me with anything with two legs and one of those "legs" followed him back to Australia). I continued restricting, but stopped exercising (moved out of the mountain town I'm from), and then slowly started to come out of the huge cloud I had been under the entire relationship. I attempted recovery and for a few years things were okay, but weight slowly crept onto my body, I had stopped taking birth control and thyroid (at this point I hadn't been diagnosed with PCOS or Endometriosis and I was told my thyroid levels were normalized and I didn't need medication).

After two years I had gained more weight than I was comfortable with and I started trying to "be healthy" and incorporate exercise but not go to extremes. At that point I knew I had a problem and was attempting to control it. I finally went on BC (Mirena IUD) and then I ballooned. 20lbs in less than six months and I was a monster. Hungry all the time, horrible pain (cysts from PCOS), cranky, skin going crazy and every time I went to the doctor I was met with (have you tried dieting and exercise?). I kept the thing inside of me for three years and let it continue to wreak havoc and finally having enough I took it out and went back on the pill (continuous dosing so I don't have a period as at this point I've been diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis)

And I lost a little weight after going on the pill, but most of it was very slowly lost by hard work at the gym and being careful but healthy in my eating. Until February. Relationship stuff and basically I just don't care about anything anymore. I just want to die most of the time and my life feels out of control and how my body looks, I can control that. So I'm back on restricting and fasting and now EC stacking (new game member) and still working out (but I have a full time job, so not to the extreme of before).

The other day I binged for the first time in a long time and I almost purged. I was in the bathroom and I sat there and I just started crying because I honestly hate this. I hate looking at my body and hating myself. I hate when someone (especially men) compliments me and I automatically think they're lying and telling me nice things because they pity me. I hate that the smaller I become the more attention I get. And that the guys that wouldn't give me the time of day 40lbs ago are now trying to fuck me and not being subtle and all I want is the one guy that was there when I was at my highest weight and I thought he loved me and now I just feel like maybe I don't deserve that. Maybe I deserve this. I'm 29 and the only person that has told me they loved me mentally and physically abused me and the only person I thought loved me couldn't commit to me and could never say the words.

I'm sorry, this was supposed to be an introduction and I don't even know what it is

TL:DR ED and a physically/mentally abusive relationship coupled with hormonal issues have brought me to where I am now and I hope this isn't too long.

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[Tip] "The Perfect Physique" on Netflix has great exercise and weight loss tips.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 13 22:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b22t1/the_perfect_physique_on_netflix_has_great/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] oh my fucking stupid ass
/u/FGWDQHQ [5'7" | 124.4lbs | 19.42 | -43lbs| F]
Created: Sat May 13 21:49:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b20xj/oh_my_fucking_stupid_ass/
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of course, I would randomly feel like checking out mpa for the first time in months, and then get distracted literally between entering my password and actually hitting enter, and walk away from my laptop, and leaving it open...with company over? who were already in/around the vicinity of my laptop?

like is this a subconscious cry for help? or am I just literally that much dumber than I used to be? one of the two who sat on my bed with the laptop open MUST have noticed. I am in for a talking to, I bet. worst

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[Other] [Other] caffeine revelation
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 13 21:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1yi1/other_caffeine_revelation/
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Back in 2015 when I was a near underweight workaholic (still a workaholic, just fat now haha) I remember imbibing cup after cup of coffee and forgetting to eat by accident. I've been trying to recapture that with the same caffeine intake but it doesn't seem to work.

Then I remembered the TYPE of coffee I was drinking then - skinny cappuccinos (counterintuitive I know). So I've adjusted my intake to make space for approx 180 coffee calories a day and it makes such a difference! Appetite so much more suppressed. Perhaps it's the milk that makes me feel more satiated. So weird because I've usually done coffee zero cal style.

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[Intro] Intro: I am too old for this and I shouldn't have this
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat May 13 20:47:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1ruh/intro_i_am_too_old_for_this_and_i_shouldnt_have/
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So hi I post here and lurk here more often than I should/want to. I remember putting myself through fad diets at idk age 16 and ever since then it's been a matter of losing a few and gaining a few pounds. I for real daydreamed about cutting fat out of my thighs and calling the 911 because surgeons can stitch me up right? (/s). I took diet pills, was going to start a diarrhea pill, fasted, b/p-ed, exercised until it was uncomfortable--all that jazz.

My life is at a good place but I'm a horrid person and I feel guilty and awash with lots of emotions.

I'm graduated and set to be an RN. I've been dealing with bulimia daily for the past 2.5 years. I've been inpatient for depression and purging (most depression and suicidal ideations)when I was 19 but I'm 25 now. I know this is bad for me and I wouldn't wish this kind of ugly lifestyle on anyone but I just can't give it up. It's the worst thing to love food and hate it and even worse when you want to do good in the world but take away the good things from yourself. IDK man. I try not to think about it most days. I'm thankful but I am feeling like a terrible person.

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[Discussion] DAE get uncomfortable about people calling EDs "mia" or "ana"?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat May 13 20:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1q5k/dae_get_uncomfortable_about_people_calling_eds/
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I'm sorry but I guess it kind of brings me back to my ole ED tumblr days where an "ana" expert taught people how to avoid food or a "mia" expert taught how to purge.

I feel so rotten feeling this way because I learned how to purge this way. It's no one's fault but mine because I sought it out but just hearing "ana" or "mia" just rubs me the wrong way.

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[Rant/Rave] Gaining weight on maintenance
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Sat May 13 19:30:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1g1a/gaining_weight_on_maintenance/
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Last month, after a lot of hard work I was within 5 pounds of my goal weight. I had finals for school so I decided I'd stop restricting until they were over. I upped my total daily caloric intake to 1,500 calories but instead of maintaining I gained!!!! To the point that I can visibly tell on my stomach and thighs. I still exercised at least every other day and didn't allow myself to reuptake what I burned. Also, I only had one slip up day and I did count calories. Why did I gain? I feel fat :(

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[Help] Trying to do some binge damage control. Opinions?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 13 19:28:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1fq1/trying_to_do_some_binge_damage_control_opinions/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Just can't with moderation
/u/BiByBye [5'4"| CW: 119.6lbs | -15.4 | GW: 114 lbs | UGW: 105 lbs | 30F]
Created: Sat May 13 19:23:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1f28/just_cant_with_moderation/
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Moderation and I just don't seem to mesh. Like I can fast for days on end with no issue, but as soon as I allow myself to have food I binge until I'm sick. On days I try to just cut calories I still end up eating much more than intended. I even started buying baby food so everything is already portioned out into tiny servings and I STILL end up eating more than I intended. Fasting for 4 or 5 days? Yeah, no problem! But try to eat at a deficit? Nooope, not gonna happen. I just wish I could find some middle ground. Anyone else struggle with this?

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[Rant/Rave] I ate 3 pieces of pizza and I want to purge so bad [rant/rave]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 13 19:12:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1da1/i_ate_3_pieces_of_pizza_and_i_want_to_purge_so/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm drunk again (rant)
/u/ehhhhnoo [5'5"|165|27.5|-88|F]
Created: Sat May 13 18:54:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b1afe/im_drunk_again_rant/
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All I want to spend my calories on anymore is drinking. I'm drink now. I'm sick of people telling me I look good for losing weight. Fucking not one person realizes losing weight at the pace I am is unhealthy and I'm mentally unstable and I need help. Fuck all of the people who keep telling me I look good, you're making me sicker and I wish someone would realize just how bad this has gotten. Damn it. I never eat at all anymore, I get sick from the smallest amount of food. I live off coffee and alcohol. I hate myself.


The end.

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[Help] MFP question?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 18:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b17h7/mfp_question/
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Does anyone else's MFP exercise tracker do things that seem super random? For example today mine is counting 1.8 miles of walking as 63 calories instead of the approximately 130 it should be and usually tracks. Or sometimes if I enter exercise it will cancel out all the walking I did, even if it's five or six miles. It drives me nuts because those walking calories matter a lot to me.
Edit: on mobile, can't flair, sorry guys!

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[Rant/Rave] I like to convince myself I'm doing it all for selfless reasons
/u/toxicwarfare [5'3 | -23.8lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 13 18:22:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b15eb/i_like_to_convince_myself_im_doing_it_all_for/
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It gets easier and easier to constantly degrade my reflection, mentally berate myself for eating anything that isn't strictly in my allotted calories, push myself to run faster and further and faster and further. Doing it for 'me', doing it so that I'm prettier, so that I can look in the mirror and not start to cry, just makes me feel like shit, for some reason. It's turned into this whole ordeal where even thinking that I could ever deserve to be thinner and more beautiful makes me the literal trash of the earth.



It's so much easier to just think to myself that I'm doing it for everyone around me. I don't want to assault their eyes every time I walk into the room. I don't want my partner to be ashamed to be seen with me. I want to have pictures of myself and my horse where I'm not dragging down how gorgeous she is with how atrocious I am.



It's shit. It hurts all the time. I know I will never, ever, please myself. I've had all sorts of people, from friends to ex-boyfriends to current boyfriend to one-night stands to strangers, all say that they thought I was attractive before I fell down this rabbit hole again. I know that, rationally, I was not overweight, and that my natural body had curves that people tended to like. It didn't matter, though, because I had such an intense disgust of myself from years and years of this nagging little monster at the base of my skull. It honestly completely destroyed my sex life with my ex, which in turn had a large part in the downfall of the entirety of the relationship, because I just could not cope with the fact that someone was actively noticing the parts of myself that I hated. What should have been a compliment was reaffirmation that I was repulsive. Honestly, how does that work?



I'm incredibly lucky now to be with someone that's very understanding of how fucked up my mind is, but even in his most earnest of attempts, I can twist it. So how do I win? If I do it for me, to love myself more, I don't deserve it and am a worse person for even dreaming of it. If I do it for the people around me, I just drift further and further away from when people actually thought I was 'attractive'. All of the comments I get now are ones of concern, or how bony or skinny I am. It makes me glow, in the moment, but I crash hard later.



I don't know what the answer is. It's like there's two large spectrums: one where I love myself, and one where people love me. They don't align, and frankly, I'll never love myself at all. It's so exhausting. I'm so tired and I feel so alone. :'( Does anyone else have similar thoughts like this?

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[Help] Road trip foods?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat May 13 17:23:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0vm8/road_trip_foods/
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I have to go on a cross country road trip soon. I don't want to pass out on the road so I'm gonna eat on the trip and not fast, but what? I've figured I'll eat beef jerky and drink the Zero line of monsters but I'd appreciate any suggestions otherwise.

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[Rant/Rave] The pizza order was wrong.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 17:01:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0roi/the_pizza_order_was_wrong/
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I'm spending the day with my mom and brother, and they decided to order pizza. Obviously the concept scared me, but my mom's been making lots of comments about my weight recently, so I buckled down and knew I had to eat it.

The order is fucked. So fucked, in fact, that it doesn't even taste good. I thought that today was about to turn into a binge day, but now I can't even finish a slice! And no concerned comments from my mom because she knows I'm a picky eater.

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[Discussion] What is your favorite cycle of Top Model (and why)?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | I don't want to compete anymore | F]
Created: Sat May 13 17:01:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0rn6/what_is_your_favorite_cycle_of_top_model_and_why/
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For those of you who've watched any of the cycles, that is.

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[Rant/Rave] Just ~Ana~ Things: Feeling happy about weight loss until coming across a mirror.
/u/cozypink [5'5" | CW: 118 | GW1: 110 | 22F]
Created: Sat May 13 16:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0p7b/just_ana_things_feeling_happy_about_weight_loss/
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Sometimes I can't help but laugh at this stupid disorder. The rollercoaster of emotions is insane. I woke up this morning to see my first goal weight of 118lbs on the scale. 12lbs down from last month and my lowest weight since relapsing. I felt not big for the first time in a while. I felt proud.

I went to CVS to get nail polish as a reward and saw my reflection as I was walking. My heart immediatelly dropped out of my ass. All I could see was how much fat I still have on my body.

At my lowest, I was down to 95 pounds and it was the same then. How my thighs and stomach still looked too big. It's never enough.

But here I am, back again, enjoying the illusion of control and the feeling of purpose it provides me. I don't want to part with it.

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Is this the best thing you can read on MyFitnessPal?
/u/LibraryLuLu [H165 | CW70 | WL64kg | GF66]
Created: Sat May 13 16:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0nq3/is_this_the_best_thing_you_can_read_on/
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*Based on your total calories consumed for today, you are likely not eating enough.*

Lately I've been failing my calorie goals so hard, and only losing weight via exercise, so this is always such a relief. One long run or one hour HIIT workout and I'm good for the day, rather than hours and hours to keep things under control.

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[Help] Doctor's Scale vs Home Scale
/u/CoopTheDog [5'4" | 110 | 19.5 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 16:32:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0m9d/doctors_scale_vs_home_scale/
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So I went to the doctor today and the scale there said I'm 116.2. But my home scales say 110.2 (digital) and 110.6 (analog). I AM FREAKING OUT YA'LL. Is it possible that the doctor's scale is wrong? I was weighed at the doctor's with clothes on, but I hadn't eaten or drank anything before. The at-home weights I just mentioned were with the same clothes on. Looking for real science as well as crazy ED theories that could explain this.

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[Rant/Rave] Family holiday
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 15:48:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b0e7d/family_holiday/
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I was gonna let today be a binge day I guess. I wound up purging a bit when I could. I feel awful. I'm drinking all of the wine and wishing I wasn't such a fat cow who eats everything she sees. I has my grandma's famous buffalo dip (fucking mayo 😅) and tones of shrimp and fruit and every cocktail and I just wanna freak the fuck out and purge more but I cant.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid of hitting my goal weight [Rant]
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Sat May 13 15:06:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b06jp/im_afraid_of_hitting_my_goal_weight_rant/
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I'm afraid of hitting my goal weight even though I want it so much. All because I'm afraid of letting myself go too far and continue losing weight and eventually die. Basically?
I'm afraid of coming to a point where I have to maintain to live and can't lose or restrict, because I don't know how to maintain. My maintenance calories seem grossly huge to me and impossible to eat unless there's something really wrong with my mood.
So it feels like I'm continuously doing small things that would set that back by a few days....ugh.

I guess this is a [Rant]

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[Help] EC stack questions
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sat May 13 14:52:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6b040o/ec_stack_questions/
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I got over my initial panic attack and am like enjoying doing this and the appetite suppressant effects and now that I'm clear headed I have a few questions from those who do it/ have done it.

Is it bad to smoke a black and mild/ swisher while doing an EC stack?

Should I eat before I take it or try to eat a bit during it? Like do you want to have food in you?

Since bronkaid is for asthma and I don't have asthma... will it do anything to me? Like will it effect my lungs or throat or whatever because it has a purpose for those with asthma?

The box says don't take it if you don't have asthma lol.... is that just like a regular warning that all things have or will this like effect me in any negative way.

Any like warnings or like user tips that I should consider/ haven't thought of?

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[Other] idek know what to title this, random ramble about my lunch
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 14:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6azyn2/idek_know_what_to_title_this_random_ramble_about/
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(so i've been hypomanic for the last couple weeks so just endure the rambles, i'm sorry, this is long and you really dont even need to read it i just have so many words in my noodle)

okay so i made these zucchini fritter nugget things? idk how to describe them but basically it was a grated zucchini, mozzarella cheese, italian breadcrumbs, and egg white with seasoning. mush it all up, divide it and pan fry it. no oil or anything, just a small bit of cooking spray. i just made notes on calorie totals while i was mixing everything together because if i total everything up before i cook it makes me anxious and i fuck it all up, like oh no this is 400 calories i can make it 370 if i cut out this ingredient and half the amount of this other one and it's always just a disaster so whatever

so after i'm done cooking them (i made five total, gave the three bigger ones to hubs and took two for myself, they were kind of silver dollar sized, a little bigger maybe?) i total everything up. the **entire batch** was only like 140 calories. 28 a piece even with the breadcrumbs and cheese what the fuck how am i supposed to believe that. like i measured everything, i know it's not an inaccurate count but it still doesn't compute? and i've wound up logging it as 100 calories because 56 is not believable to my dumb lil noggin.

THAT BEING SAID you bet your skinny lil ass i'm making those fuckers every day for the rest of my life. they were super good! i wish i had taken a picture to show yall but here's my recipe if you wanna try it

ingredients

* one zucchini maybe like the length of your palm
* 2 tbsp of bread crumbs
* 1 tbsp of mozzarella cheese
* 1 egg white
* italian seasonings, salt and pepper, whatever girl you make it how you like it, you could use curry powder to make it all indian or like cumin and chili powder for a dang ol fiesta, whatever

directions

grate the heck out of it to where it's probably the same sort of size of normal shredded cheese? maybe a lil smaller? squeeze the shit out of it to get the water out. once you get the water out, squeeze it again because there is so much water in zucchini. afterwards, get more water out of the zucchini. mix in the cheese, breadcrumbs, egg white, and seasonings. put it in the fridge for like fifteen ish minutes. then take it out of the fridge. oh shit there's more water that's pooled up at the bottom of your container, knock knock who's there drain that shit. divide it out in however many lil nugget things you want, i did five because that's just what happened. form a ball and then mush it between two paper towels to kind of mush more water out and form the ""patty"" or whatever. spray a pan with a lil bit of cooking spray and toss those fuckers on. medium high ish on the stove top. let them sit. do not turn them yet. there's still a ton of moisture in that zucchini ok i left mine on for probably eight minutes before turning it. you might kinda pop it up to check the bottoms to make sure they dont burn. flip it, do the same thing, then munch munch munch. i squeezed a lil lemon juice on mine, hubs had his with a runny egg (blegh). but it would also be good with like a sugar free ketchup or bbq sauce, some sriracha, like listen, follow your heart on this one i believe in you

anyway so that's that. i'm making [this soup](http://www.eatingwell.com/recipe/251946/tom-yum-soup-with-pineapple/) for dinner tonight and it's supposed to be 97 calories a serving so i'll probably let you know how that turns out too because i am literally incapable right now of not running my yappy lil fingers.

**also dont forget that you are beautiful and perfect and worthy of everything, you are fantastic and i want to hug your face all day**

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[Intro] I feel too old for this.
/u/GetToTheStore
Created: Sat May 13 13:55:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6azt6f/i_feel_too_old_for_this/
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Hi, I've been lurking on here for a year now. I've never been healthy with food, mostly hiding snack food in my room and binging as a kid and eating fast food until I was sick as a teen and young adult. I never vomited but I wouldn't feel like eating until the next day.

I was just so sick of being obese so I've been restricting and exercising until I realized that I have an eating disorder. I'm 34, I have a career, kids, husband, and a mortgage. I'm too old for this stuff! Tell me I'm not the only 'old' person here. This seems like such a young person's illness.

Everyone is asking me how I lost all the weight and I don't even know how to answer. My boss is the only person to ask me if I'm okay. So I have to eat at work. I have IBS so my doctor put me on a low-fodmap diet and things have gotten out of control. I am in a cycle of eating too much because I'm scared of death, then not enough because I don't want to shit my pants and get fat.

God this sucks because it's constant.
So this is my life now, I laugh at myself daily so sorry if this feels like a bummer.
I feel like you are my people.

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[Rant/Rave] Relapse.
/u/0hbuggerit
Created: Sat May 13 13:29:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6azo8j/relapse/
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Due to huge marital issues at the moment (my fault, not his) I'm currently very down, putting a lot of effort in being a good wife and squashing a lot of hurt. It's also meaning I'm spending a lot of time in the house on my own.

Ive been binging but trying to resist purging as I (for the most part) stopped over the past 4 years.

Annnd after a pizza, Pringles, custard tarts and sausage rolls... I've cracked tonight. I think it's time to drink.

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[Tip] The Bar: A How to Guide
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Sat May 13 13:05:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6azjg7/the_bar_a_how_to_guide/
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Someone asked a question about what to order from a drink menu, and I wrote out a pretty lengthy reply, so I thought I'd cut & paste to a new post with some more info.

As a little backstory, I was having constant yeast infections a few years ago (ugh!) and my amazing doctor told me to stop eating sugar. So I did. For like 3 years. For me the absolute hardest parts were 1) no ice cream 2) what to drink at the bar! I definitely like my alcohol, however, so I did tons of googling to figure out what I could and couldn't drink. That's where this knowledge comes from, but I absolutely have no memory of where I got the particulars.

Anything that's a liqueur like triple sec, Chambord, Cointreau, curaçao, kahlua, any type of schnapps. Any sort of flavoring. Grenadine. Sour mix. Agave. Or course anything with the word syrup in it. All of those are basically sugar.

Tonic water even has about 100 calories for 8 ounces. It's not the worst, but the 'water' name is misleading. Still, a gin & tonic would probably be one of the lower calorie items to order. If you're drinking at home, you can buy diet tonic water with zero calories.

Juices are hard too. If it's a fancy place, you could be getting regular OJ or whatever. If it's a chain or a dive, it's probably essentially Sunny D. Cranberry juice is just crazy because no one uses actual cranberry juice. Pure cranberry juice is pretty disgusting. They always use some sort of cranberry juice cocktail and no telling what's in it. I always assume it has the calories/sugar of apple juice.

Bitters are usually used in very small amounts in drinks. Usually measured in "dashes." It might add 10 calories.

Low calorie stuff is limited behind a bar. It would be soda water, hard liquor, wine.

Red usually has less sugar than white. Ask for something "dry." Dry means less sweet. More of the sugar has been converted to alcohol. This doesn't necessarily mean fewer calories. But your body isn't very good at processing alcohol as food. There is really no way to figure out exactly how many calories will be absorbed and used in your body. Nutritionists usually count all the alcohol calories normally, but I swear that's just because they don't want you drink. In my book, it's better to have more calories from alcohol if you're getting less sugar. Not to mention the fact that alcohol is the point of going to the bar anyway! When I'm drinking, I want the most bang for my buck so to speak. I want the calories to be in the alcohol. I estimate 150-200 calories for a glass of wine.

I always estimate that a shot of hard liquor has AROUND 100 calories in a shot. Though again, probably not all that really counts. A shot is an ounce and a half, not one ounce. Many drinks contain more than one shot of alcohol. If it's unclear from the menu, I will just ask the bartender how many shots are in it. Calorie counting aside, it's a totally reasonable thing to want to make sure you're not over indulging in alcohol.

Vermouth is basically wine. Same with Lillet which I seem to be seeing more and more. Pretty safe ingredients. The calories might add up if you're drinking multiple glasses of them, but usually there isn't a lot in the cocktail. For example, the classic martini recipe uses only half an ounce of vermouth and 2 shots of gin, and a dry martini simply is less vermouth. Half an ounce of vermouth is going to have like 15-20 calories. Not much.

I'm a huge champagne person. Champagne comes from lots of sugar to almost none. From sweet to dry, it goes like this: doux-demi sec-dry-extra dry-brut-extra brut. Then sometimes wineries use other descriptors in front of brut, but they basically all mean drier/less sugar that brut. I consider brut+ on the okay list, since the sugar content is less that about half a teaspoon.

Other sparkling wines like moscato are typically no-goes. Moscato is very sweet. Also Riesling. Also anything on the 'dessert' wine list like tawny, port, or ice wine is basically syrup. Just no.

The other thing I stay away from is flavored alcohol unless you know what brand it is. For example, a lower quality vanilla vodka might be flavored with vanilla syrup and have way more calories! I think this is the most shocking thing I realized when researching. And since liquors are not required to have nutrition labels, you'll never know!!! High end flavored vodka would not be flavored that way and the flavoring would add not calories. If you're getting flavored vodka, stick to top shelf classic brand. My go to would be Kettle One for flavored vodka.

Drinks on the drink menu usually include some sort for liqueur or syrup. They typically don't tell you how much of each ingredient is present. Though, you can always ask, especially if you say something like, "How much Cointreau is in that drink? I don't want something overly sweet." I swear, drinks being too sweet is the most common complaints of people who actually know a ton about cocktails. But, on a modern cocktail menu, there probably isn't going to be a good option unless it's specifically featured.

Sometimes if a drink is particularly aimed at MEN, it won't have any other the sugary ingredients. But drink menus are usually for women. I know so many guys who would refuse to order from a drink menu because they consider those girly drinks. But if you're at a whiskey bar or something, there's probably at least one Man Cocktail on the menu.

A drink menu is just a suggestion. Also they are the most overpriced drinks in the place. They are there for people who don't know what they are doing. Seriously, watch Bar Rescue and they even straight up talk about having a drink menu for the whole purpose of selling the high priced special drinks. Unless you're at at a bar particularly known for its mixologist, there is no point in ordering from the drink menu.

If a place has a full bar, order what you want! Old timey cocktails tend to have wayyy less sugar than recent inventions. Even when the sugary ingredients are present, they are there in small quantities. I highly recommend searching for classic cocktails to find something.

Then watch your bartender make it if you can...honestly some of them don't know what they're doing at all and you'll end up with a mystery drink. Plus, you'll get to act like a cocktail expert when you correct him. When he pours a bunch of syrup into your old fashioned, you can say, "Isn't an old fashioned made with ONE sugar cube?" if they don't have sugar cubes, you still point out that one ounce of syrup is a lot more than a sugar cube and lament, "I just think that with that much syrup, it will be too sweet for me!" You'll be a cocktail boss.

I can be no help when it comes to beer. I really dislike basically all beer.

Happy drinking!

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[Rant/Rave] tfw lack of self care is a badge of honour among your friends/community
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 139 | GW 88 | -25 | NB]
Created: Sat May 13 12:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6azde8/tfw_lack_of_self_care_is_a_badge_of_honour_among/
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I guess a few things are involved in this.

As far as I know, none of my friends have outright ED behaviours, but I do know one of them is bordering on it/has an unstable body image and another one is either bordering on it or restricted for attention that one time

I'm part of the artist community overall and I know that as much as people make memes out of the STEM major ~hustle~ it's just as bad over here, people casually talk about their lack of sleep or how little they've eaten or how much coffee they've had and how many hours they've worked and honestly that really fucks me up because obviously I can't actually talk about my disordered eating with people, so I can't ask them to stop talking about it, but also it triggers me so much I hate it.

It's like a weird combination of cry for help, attention/validation-seeking behaviour, and competition defined in quantifiable terms? Like one of my friends was like "oof too much coffee on an empty stomach after an allnighter" and another is like "omg I can't believe I lost x amount of weight so quick without thinking about it" and both of them had concerned comments that they subsequently brushed off? The worse thing is that it's sincere sometimes, and not necessarily attention-seeking behaviour? Like they're just talking about their day so far and that's it, literally

And the thing is I would understand and not mind as much if this was an ED community, or if I knew for sure that someone else was just going through the same kind of thing that I was, but it's...not. It's just par for the course for a large area of the community as a whole. I don't want to associate with these people anymore but it's not an option for the foreseeable future for interpersonal reasons.

Anyways the first thing I saw today after waking up was a tweet about how someone had eaten so little today and now I don't want to eat my planned indulgent meal that I'd been looking forward to for days

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] What are your parents' relationships with food/weight like?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat May 13 12:06:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6az85v/discussion_what_are_your_parents_relationships/
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I've noticed a lot of people with eating disorders have overweight parents. This is true for me as well, my mum is overweight, formerly obese, and she doesn't have an ED but her relationship with food isn't completely normal either. She also serves what I think are huge portions at dinner time, even for my younger siblings. I'm not blaming her for my issues, but I think it's interesting that in a lot of documentaries about EDs, the parents are overweight. I'm sure there's plenty of research and studies on this.

Do you guys have overweight/underweight parents? If so, do you think it's affected the development of your eating disorder at all?

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[Discussion] What are your hidden "ED items" ?
/u/Suusss
Created: Sat May 13 11:52:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6az5f1/what_are_your_hidden_ed_items/
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Even though they are normal to have in households, I always feel like I have to 'hide' my weight scale, food scale, small weights, tape measurer, floor level, vitamins and tablets (of which I have like, 40 pill containers) and tupperware containers from the rest of the world. Even though, when they are all stashed away it TOTALLY doesn't look normal.

What do you hide? Otherwise, what hints do you drop?

I have specific food utensils that I dont like other people using/noticing because they are like tiny spoons, shallow forks, and knives knives knives (that I use instead of a fork). Does anyone else feel like these items are only paired with a discovery anxiety because They Know what they are used for?
I know my friend had weird tools they used to purge, and they kept them hidden even if they were regular old objects to everyone else but them.

I think this is interesting, because some stuff is totally my cry for help... my body being the main one - but i don't even hide my diary from prying eyes because all references to ED are encrypted in journalistic style/doodles.

Anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] Just ate a 12" pizza
/u/misszarves-
Created: Sat May 13 09:03:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ay9l4/just_ate_a_12_pizza/
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Because I'm on vacation and I've been walking for hours every day (30,000+ steps today) and I've been drinking a lot but eating sub 500 most days, including alcohol, because I've been scared of eating Czech (read: non safe) foods. It's been so so easy not to eat the last few months, like it's not a struggle at all. And I've been loving it.

I really didn't want to eat today. Like in my head i knew I needed to eat, and physically I felt the kind of hungover sick hunger that only carbs can fix, and I literally could not do it. I walked around for 3 hours trying to find a restaurant that I felt okay about. So now I'm sitting here with an empty plate and I feel disgusting and bloated and like I would take a knife and cut my stomach open to take out all the food if I could. (Weirdly, I've never purged... apparently that's where my brain draws the line.)

So I am a disgusting fat pig but I'm also really happy that I listened to my body and thought hey your body is telling you it needs food and you should show yourself some love by feeding it instead of taking some sort of sick pride in being so hungry and feeling like all your limbs are going to fall off.

Idk you guys I'm tipsy and having a lot of conflicting feelings of pride, happiness, disgust, self loathing, self love and I just wanted to talk about it with people who understand how scary this was.

Also I've posted here before under different accounts but my friends keep finding them 😓hence the new alt.

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[Rant/Rave] I just want to get excited about some positives
/u/subspacehipster [5'5'' | 119 | 20.03 | -16lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 13 08:39:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ay5ao/i_just_want_to_get_excited_about_some_positives/
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Like how today I am 119lbs!! I have been stuck at the 120 plateau forever and I thought I had been binging this week due to exam stress but wow I'm here and it feels so good.

And I move out in a couple weeks too! I can work out and meal plan more easily, and I'll be working and on my feet a lot more. I can't wait!!

And I've only got a few more weeks of the school year and then it's off to college this fall. I can not wait. There's a 24 hour gym and my boyfriend and I are going to work out together. A seven-day unlimited meal plan which always has my safe foods, fresh fruit and salads. I am an incredibly picky eater but I am so excited to have great food I know I can trust soon, and a healthy variety. I am pumped, and there's no way I'm getting the freshman 15.

Anyone else going to be going to college this fall?

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[Discussion] Greetings from a residential treatment center for ED and drugs [TW Recovery]
/u/d0p3girl
Created: Sat May 13 08:19:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ay1w7/greetings_from_a_residential_treatment_center_for/
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Hi everyone,

I don't post here often, but I followed this subreddit for lurk. Anyway, my parents sent me to a residential treatment center for substance abuse and eating disorders, so I've been chilling here.

I figured I'd post this if anyone had questions. I'm happy to answer any.

This place is pretty famous for treating ED in celebrities so it's really nice compared to other places I've been. I've been to treatment for substance abuse before but this is the first time I'm here for ED as well. I don't want to name the place publicly though, so PM me if you want to know where.

FAQ:

1. Are most of the people there very thin? **No, most people are normal weight. About half of the people here are for ED, and the other half are here for mood disorders (bipolar, depression, etc) or substance abuse. A lot of people overlap.**
2. What is residential vs inpatient vs PHP vs IOP? **inpatient is highest level of care which is when you're in a hospital-like setting. Residential is more of a rehab and feels kind of like summer camp. PHP is transitional where you live at home usually and go to the program during the day. IOP is intensive outpatient which is where you go to a program for around 3-5 hours a day, 4-7 days of the week.**
3. Is their drama? **There will always be some sort of drama, but it's not terrible if you stay out of it. Usually drama happens when celebrities are here, with theft, or with people saying triggering/offensive thing to each other.**
4. How do meals work? **People here for ED will sit at a certain table where staff monitors you eating. It's not as awkward as imagined, but it's somewhat triggering if someone is really struggling and crying. If you don't finish, you can finish with Ensure or Boost but you don't have to. If you refuse too many times, then probably you'll be sent to the hospital, but most people don't because I think most people don't want that kind of attention and social pressure is kind of strong.**
5. How do bathrooms work? **Bathrooms are really annoying. They are always locked and you need to ask to use it. Some people can't flush without staff looking, some are just monitored which is where staff wait at the door to make sure you're not purging, and then some people are only monitored for like 90 minutes after meals/snacks. The biggest issue is that you have to get over pooping in a public bathroom when people are around, which most people are very uncomfortable with.**

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[Meme/Humor] #justedthings
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 13 08:14:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ay12f/justedthings/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Audrey Hepburn is my favorite "unattainable goal" thinspo
/u/jizzjazzspazz [5'5 | 138lbs | 23 bmi | -20lbs | 19F]
Created: Sat May 13 08:07:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6axzyk/audrey_hepburn_is_my_favorite_unattainable_goal/
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http://m.imgur.com/a/SuGan

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[Intro] Intro 🐈🌸
/u/jizzjazzspazz [5'5 | 138lbs | 23 bmi | -20lbs | 19F]
Created: Sat May 13 07:42:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6axvpg/intro/
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Hello,

You've probably seen me around. I've been lurking since almost 10 months ago, but recently began actually interacting in the community!

I don't know if I have an eating disorder as I have never been diagnosed, but I do kind of have a bad relationship with food and a really bad relationship with my body. Recently things have been better, which is probably why I've been posting? It's funny how that works.

I have a history of sexual abuse, promiscuity, self harm, suicide attempts and idealization, heavy restricting, binging, and rare purging (only about 10 times in the last few years).

When I was growing up my dad always called me "puerca" and fat and the like. One time even my mom confronted me about my weight when I was only 12. For as long as I can remember I have hated my body.

I have recently picked up working out and I love running and roller skating. I'm trying to not eat greasy food and just generally eat better as I have developed stomach pains for some reason. I believe I have PCOS, but I don't have a primary care physician so there's no way I could find out currently. I do have almost all the symptoms though unfortunately. And my mom and her mom have had it as well, so basically I am screwed.

I try to eat around 1000 calories a day and work out to burn 500 calories. I feel like I'm eating a lot and not losing enough weight quick enough, but being on this sub helps me calm down so I don't binge/restrict and cycle and plateau forever like I have been.

This is my favorite sub. It's so supportive and I love all of you. ❤

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[Help] How to avoid being triggered when seeing someone thin?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 58.4| ♂ |]
Created: Sat May 13 06:36:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6axlto/how_to_avoid_being_triggered_when_seeing_someone/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6axlto/how_to_avoid_being_triggered_when_seeing_someone/

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 13 06:10:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6axidv/stupid_questions_saturday_may_13_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 13, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 13 06:04:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6axhkz/daily_food_diary_may_13_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged! For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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How do I survive a 150 calorie day?
/u/Rawr1992 [5'11 | CW: 187 | BMI: 25.5 | -12 | M]
Created: Sat May 13 04:59:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ax9fj/how_do_i_survive_a_150_calorie_day/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] rave AND rant
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 122 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 03:15:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awypj/rave_and_rant/
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so after a week of compensating for a binge that made my weight shoot up by like 3 kg (I nearly had a breakdown checking the number), I'm finally down below my previous weight and am just .1 kg away from being my lowest adult weight! my UGW is now less than 10 kg away, which is amazing to me, and I'll be officially underweight in another 3 kg time according to my BMI! I'm really happy and motivated not to binge now.

BUT. the last few times I lost weight (before regaining it because I didn't understand that my BMR would change as I got smaller and just binged all the time), I feel like I looked a lot smaller than I do now. I know 19.3 isn't that low a BMI, so do you guys think that every few kilos I lose from now on will have a bigger effect on how I look physically? I still feel like my arms are too flabby for sleeveless clothes, and my belly and hips are definitely too fleshy for bodycon, and let's not even talk about my thighs - I have the frame for a gap but no gap. so if I were to keep losing weight and then add in regular cardio and using those weight machines at the gym, would that help me tone up?

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[Help] I'm in a really bad place right now
/u/goddamnroommate [literally a whale]
Created: Sat May 13 02:41:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awva2/im_in_a_really_bad_place_right_now/
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So I moved to the other side of the world and actually had a great month accidentally because i was too busy trying to learn how to exist that I had like accidental sub 1000 days for weeks on end without binging because i was just too distracted. And then I got comfortable, and i thought about a past relationship and realized it fucked me up in how I view sex and my relationships with men. And I've been a mess since wednesday at 4am when i came to this revelation. Doesnt help that im hormonal like a motherfucker too.

Today and it's all come to a head. I just planned a binge and im sitting here getting really fucking drunk (btw im an alcoholic who's managed to control her drinking for a year now, but fuck i dont know where that's gonna go now) with the express purpose of waiting until im blackout, shoving a tube of oreos and cookies and goddamn pastries in my mouth and purging for the first time. I'm scared and alone and Ive spent the past two years alienating myself from people (i moved to a goddamn country on the other side of the world for this reason alone) so I have no one I can even FB chat with. I dont know what im doing i just feel bloated and depressed and alone.


I haven't worked out in 2 weeks and it was the only thing keeping my ED at bay and now i feel flabby even though that's not physically possible


I just need someone to say it'll be ok

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[Rant/Rave] The dumbest thing triggered me today
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Sat May 13 01:51:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awqah/the_dumbest_thing_triggered_me_today/
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I was sitting in the university library and someone I know came up from behind me and said "Oh hi xy". Then she noticed that she had mistaken me for someone else and was like "Oh I'm sorry, you looked like her from behind."

I know xy and she must be around 5'3 and 130-140 pounds. Do I look like that? I'm so fucking triggered right now, I want to be so thin that people notice right away. It's so stupid, any normal person would forget about this incident right away yet here I am, hours later and hating myself over this little thing. Guess I won't be eating tomorrow.

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[Help] Non ED related help needed :(
/u/sleepyrats [182cm | 66.9kg | 19.46 | -10.8kg | F]
Created: Sat May 13 01:29:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awny3/non_ed_related_help_needed/
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Hi guys, I hate to post non-ed things but I really need some help. I'm an absolute mental mess at the moment. I don't really want to post this anywhere else because I feel like you guys are people I can trust - I don't know. If the mods think this doesn't belong here that's ok.

I work as a teaching assistant and one of the children in our class revealed to me that their brother has been playing "games" with her in his bedroom where she gets tied up or blindfolded. She's 6 years old and the brother is 12, so alarm bells were going off in my head. She has looked depressed for months and I suspected something was wrong. I don't know any more details about these games, but I reported everything to the school immediately after she told me on Thursday. Then on Friday she said she wanted to talk again during break and said she's worried about the weekend because that's when they play these games. Then at lunch I fucked up by saying she can hang out with me at lunch time (she said she didn't want to play outside) when her teacher said she wants her to go out and play as normal so that she doesn't get any unnecessary attention. The teacher was really angry with me after because I'd done pretty much the exact opposite. The thing was I was just trying to make this kid feel safe.

I've been just really fucked about by the whole thing, like once I found out and told someone no one has come back to me with a strategy or game plan of what to do next or how to treat this kid. Like she's coming up to me saying she's worried and just wants to talk to me, and I don't want to shut her down and say that she can't do it. But the way my lead teacher talked to me made me feel fucking terrible. Like I'd really fucked everything up completely. I know I should have tried to talk to the teacher more in the day but there hasn't been a chance and I'm really socially anxious around her to begin with. She said I'm too involved and being really emotional and I need to stick with the facts, and I was like.. well I am? I haven't done anything except lend an ear and let this kid talk to me in a private space for the past 2 days. It sucks.

I wanna quit over this. Like it's just fucking awful. I feel like I've been stranded with this child, trying my best to help her and no one has come to give me a strategy or game plan on what to do next. Like what am I meant to be doing in these situations? And I hate the fact the teacher was so angry with me, like I was fucking everything up and ruining this child or something. Like really I feel like an absolute state and I wanna quit and I want to just die. I've been totally abandoned and I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to go to work on monday and do anything. I feel like I should just quit because I'm so worthless and shit and I fucked everything up. I don't know what to do.

*Edits for spelling/grammar

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[Other] Can we all take a moment to laugh at how stupid our eating disorders make us?
/u/CoconutTime
Created: Sat May 13 01:22:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awn87/can_we_all_take_a_moment_to_laugh_at_how_stupid/
---
There's a lot of things my eating disorder makes me do. It makes me want to rip my hair out, it makes me scared I will be like this forever, it makes me hate myself when trying on clothes. But it also makes me do some shit that even I have to laugh at myself.

I eat out of the garbage. The first time it happened, I was like "eh that's kind of gross I threw away the cupcake so I couldn't eat it. It's been in the trash." But obviously my ED took over and I wiped it off and shamefully ate it with disgust. Now it's a common occurrence. I even eat other people's trash. My roommate will get a pizza and be like "want a slice" and I'm like "no I'm not hungry" she'll throw it out and an hour later when she's gone I'll go to the box and eat the leftovers. How fucking stupid is that? Honestly don't even know why I continue to do the whole "throw it away so you don't eat it" trick because I know I'm just gonna brush the dirt off my 8 hr old panini from lunch time when I binge eat at night.

I also will sneakily eat other peoples food without them noticing. If someone brings back leftovers I'll try to slice off a tiny enough piece that they won't notice I ate any. I've stolen a box of cookies from someone and blamed it on someone else throwing it out. I slyly take a handful of Pringles out of the can when you go to the bathroom, I wake up in the night and sneak my friends goodies.

I've said no to perfectly nutritious breakfasts that are healthy and filling because I have a goal that I'll fast all day to only leave at 10 pm and eat a whole loaf of stale bread and some sour cream.

I won't let myself eat a second apple because one is enough and I shouldn't still be hungry and that will put me over 600 calories, but then I'll cave when my friend offers me half of her chocolate bar which then leads to me going and buying a bag of chips, an ice cream cone, two kit cats, and some chocolate milk.

Eating disorders make you so stupid it's actually funny (and sad because it's my reality)

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[Other] Social support shattered, anxiety triggered and feeling alone.
/u/Vio1et [155cm | 46kg | 19 | f]
Created: Sat May 13 00:49:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awjjo/social_support_shattered_anxiety_triggered_and/
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Hey guys. I was torn between flairing "other" and "help" but I'm feeling kinda helpless so I chose "other." It's gonna be a long post but I need to talk about this so I hope you don't mind.

This is a personal-related post but I could really use some encouragement right now so I'm hoping it's ok that I'm posting here. I have never posted before but I've been lurking for a while and commented once or twice. You guys are all such kind souls and reading your posts is super uplifting so thank you for that.

Anyway I'll get on to the story.


So for background I am in my early 20s and living in a very rural part of a country where I don't speak much of the language. It can be incredibly isolating and lonely. I have a history of anxiety that stems from feelings of loneliness so being here is a huge challenge.

I've been doing really well though because I have a friend. Literally one friend in my town. I'm going to call her "Sarah" because I don't want to use her real name. She is also an English-speaking foreigner and we get along so well. We have become like sisters over the past eight months. I trust her with anything.

So then I started seeing this guy who lives about an hour away. I'm gonna call him Alex. Nothing serious, just casual, but we have a really good time and he makes me really happy.

Since Sarah and I are so close I confided everything about the relationship to her. I expressed things about how I was kinda feeling Feelings for Alex and I'd be so gutted to know there was another girl or something like that, but I didn't want things to be complicated because I was really enjoying just being with Alex without it being heavy or complicated or anything. Like, I'm not asking him for anything more than our casual thing, but I don't want to KNOW about other women, if that makes sense.

I have also told Sarah separately about my anxiety and how it makes me feel really alone sometimes and how important it is for me to have really solid friendships with people to keep me anchored. And I have told her how much her friendship means to me and how I might have left the country if I didn't have her here, and she has said similar things to me.


So after Alex and I were seeing each other for about a month, he went on vacation back home for a week. When he got back I had to leave the same day for a vacation with my family so we didn't see each other. But things seemed fine anyway. Like I said he's not my official SO so it's not like we were checking in every day or anything.

That was three days ago.

Last night, Sarah went out drinking with Alex and his friend. I knew they all went out. No big deal right?

But then Sarah and Alex drunkenly had sex.

And my whole social support system is fully shattered. And I feel like I've been stabbed in the gut. Like I know Alex and I weren't exclusive so the fact that he slept with someone else is not what is bothering me. It's that he had sex with my best friend. My only friend.

And Sarah. I feel so so so so betrayed. She knows how I feel about Alex and she knows about my anxiety and she knows what our friendship means to me and she just threw it all away like it was nothing. Like I meant nothing to her. I'm in shock. I feel so worthless and alone and betrayed.

Now I'm trying to put a brave face on for my family because they are visiting this country and I have to be their tour guide. But it is just so hard. My body is reacting to the anxiety physically so I am shaky, sweaty, nauseous, and (tmi) having some irregular bowl movements.


This is the third time that something like this has happened to me in my life. So I feel that "why was I so stupid to believe it wouldn't happen again" feeling.

And that's such bullshit because it's absolutely not my fault! So why do I have to feel like garbage?


Like worthless, friendless, fucking garbage.





If you read this far, thank you. I really needed to put the story out there. I hope your day is going better than mine. 💔




* typed this while crying in a bathroom stall at an art museum so I had to fix some spelling errors

---

[Rant/Rave] I got triggered by the dumbest thing today.
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Sat May 13 00:37:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awiai/i_got_triggered_by_the_dumbest_thing_today/
---
So, I'm 5' 7.25" tall. Been that way for like 15 years. I went to student health for something EDO-unrelated today and declined to be weighed because I was stressed enough.

When I went on Epic later (I have access to the full EMR record as a med student, and you're allowed to look up your own) to review my lab results, I noticed that the medical assistant who took my vitals randomly entered my height as 5'6". She didn't even measure me! This brought my BMI at the top of the screen from 16.8-something to 17.3-something.

This upsets me WAY out of proportion to the situation. Like, fucking furious and tearful, which is ridiculous. I think I cling so hard to the control over my weight for emotional peace that when something out of my control happens and my BMI changes (or at least appears to change on paper!), I lose my damn mind.

I've gained and lost the same 5 pounds for the past two months, but I think that finally ends now. This feels like it has triggered a renewed desire to restrict as hard as I can while still functioning semi-OK. (800-1100?) Lately I've been restricting quite well during the week... and then negate it by binging my heart out on the weekend (5500 cal in a day was my worst). It's a wonder my weight has stayed basically the same.

So thanks, medical assistant. Every week for two months I've thought "this week will be different," and then it never is. But I think you just gave me the fuel to make that come to fruition. I need to restrict, and I need to stick with it, and it needs to start now. Maybe once I get down to a weight that doesn't make me want to cry/panic, I can schedule a nurse-only appointment for a height and weight (and vitals) check to get it corrected. I'd feel so much better.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] oh heyyyyy 130s
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Fri May 12 23:51:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6awd6n/rave_oh_heyyyyy_130s/
---
Still not near my LW and GW but I FINALLY broke into the 130s. Doesn't sound like a big deal because I've always been in the 140s since I gained a monstrous amount last year (up from a BMI of 18.5) but EVERY TIME I come close to breaking 140 I self sabotage. Hopefully this break also recalibrates my dumb mind.

Edit: urgh even now my brain is like 'let's eat normally today'. Uhhhh how about no.

---

[Rant/Rave] Net 540 calories for the day
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Fri May 12 23:20:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aw9d5/net_540_calories_for_the_day/
---
And the aftertaste is pure failure flavored.

It's so low, I know it's low. Why do I feel like I binged? Why do I feel like a fuck up? Why do I feel like I was out of control and absolutely have to go back to the gym and work at least 300 calories off before I even think about relaxing with my boy and a beer after a rough day?

It's midnight and I want to go relax, get off my feet (I work retail and it was a Friday + Mother's Day weekend + the weather is nice so people come out in packs)... work was hell and I just want to kick back but the thought of doing that without working some of this off has me jittery and honest to God on the verge of a panic attack.

I hate this. Back to the gym I go, though.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm sitting in the car crying because my partner walked more steps than me.
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Fri May 12 20:00:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6avgim/im_sitting_in_the_car_crying_because_my_partner/
---
How lame is that? I know his job involved a lot of walking, and it's not like that can be helped, but still. I went for a long ass walk, that was pretty nice, and instead of being happy about it I'm depressed I lose a game nobody but me was playing... by 100 steps.

😶🔫

---

[Discussion] Ever try a pink salt flush?
/u/BiByBye [5'4"| CW: 119.6lbs | -15.4 | GW: 114 lbs | UGW: 105 lbs | 30F]
Created: Fri May 12 19:46:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aveeh/ever_try_a_pink_salt_flush/
---
[removed]

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[Other] The swimming pool dilemma [tmi]
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Fri May 12 19:20:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6avag1/the_swimming_pool_dilemma_tmi/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I know this is going to kill me
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Fri May 12 19:03:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av7ra/i_know_this_is_going_to_kill_me/
---
Maybe not right now or any time soon, but I just know that at some point, the binging and the purging is going to kill me.

And I don't know how I feel about that. It doesn't scare me, I haven't stopped.

I have been purging on and off for 13 years. I'm in my mid twenties now and carrying a lot of extra weight. I know I'm not healthy. I know I'm wrecking my body. I can't stop.

The only thing that gives me pause are my kids. I know that I should want to stop for them, that I need to stop for them. But I can't.


(Mobile, can't flair.. rant/rave/depressed rambles)

---

[Rant/Rave] Made my first clothing purchase in 8 months. Two belts!
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Fri May 12 18:52:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av5sp/made_my_first_clothing_purchase_in_8_months_two/
---
So I found belts at BOGO 50% off. So I bought my current size and one smaller. Just wanted to tell someone.

---

[Rant/Rave] I did NOT let my ED ruin my semester
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Fri May 12 18:46:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av4ti/i_did_not_let_my_ed_ruin_my_semester/
---
So about 2 weeks ago I posted [THIS](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bgfe/i_will_not_let_my_ed_ruin_my_semester/) and just wanted to update.

It was hard but I did it! and I made the dean's list. Having an ED in college makes it so hard for me to get my work done, so much of my time I should be using to do my work is spent binging and purging or I'm too tired if I've been restricting, but I hustled and did well. I'm so proud of myself and I really thank everyone for their encouragement <3 <3

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else eat a lot/ binge like crazy after a nap?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 12 18:44:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av4kq/does_anyone_else_eat_a_lot_binge_like_crazy_after/
---
So this almost always happens to me--whenever I wake up from a nap I feel inexplicably hungry / craving and proceed to eat a lot of snacks at once in this kind of groggy daze. It's like my first thought when I wake up is that I want to eat, and usually a specific kind of craving. Does this happen to other people, and why is this? It might be that my body is thirsty and mistakens it for hunger, but I also feel like I'm in this haze where I'm not even thinking clearly and barely taking in the fact that I'm kind of binging.

I've read Brain Over Binge where she talks about binging comes from the "animal brain" that's instinctive and irrational--I wonder if my post-nap brain (still groggy, not fully awake) has to do with that.

---

[Rant/Rave] BF is clueless and I want pizza
/u/notlion [5'9.5" | 23.7 | -47 | F]
Created: Fri May 12 18:40:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av3xs/bf_is_clueless_and_i_want_pizza/
---
I feel irrationally upset rn. I have been on high restriction for weeks now and my willpower is wearing so thin. Feeling too hungry to care, I asked boyfriend if he wants to order pizza or food. What does he say? "Nah, not really in the mood."


The 'love of his life' is starving herself and he doesn't realize it. I haven't eaten all day and he shut down my weak moment of wanting to eat. It makes me want to restrict more. Does anyone else get hyper sensitive when people shut down your cravings?


Idk guys. I feel vulnerable and emotional about a freaking pizza. I just want to be so skinny that I disappear 😭

---

[Discussion] How do you guys deal with family dinners?
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 164.8 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Fri May 12 18:36:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av36e/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_family_dinners/
---
So I'm the only one vegetarian at my home and I usually make my own food and my parents make their own. Except that for a month, we'll receive a vegetarian foreign student and my parents decided they will go vegetarian as well for this time - meaning we will all eat the same food. Also meaning I won't be able to properly calculate my portion before eating, before we'll all eat the same.

I don't know how I'll be able to cope with not being 100% sure of how much I'm eating. How do you guys do it?

---

[Discussion] Competitive "friends"
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri May 12 18:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6av2pf/competitive_friends/
---
Do any of you have friends irl that you feel are trying to compete with you to be thinner, even though you don't encourage it? I hope I'm not alone.

I had to stop talking to a "best friend" after I started losing weight, and a big part of it was that she started comparing her own body to mine out loud. (e.g.: "OMG your thighs are so skinny, but my ass is way better than yours." or "What do you weigh?...Oh, that's *almost* as low as me.")

I know she recovered from AN and still has ED behavior, so the competitiveness makes sense. But still, you don't say that shit to a friend. And she knows I have issues with food, too. I always tried really hard to make her feel better when she was down about her body, and she did that for me *until I lost weight*. Then the support stopped and the criticisms started. Other issues started popping up in our friendship too. Eventually I gave up. Anyway, I weigh less than her now, in addition to being skinnier. (I'm taller so I was already skinnier at a higher weight.) So fuck that bitch, hahaha.

---

[Rant/Rave] Mixed Emotions.
/u/blushinggloom
Created: Fri May 12 17:56:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6auwav/mixed_emotions/
---
I had a community youth meeting today.
There's always tons of snacks in the meeting and I haven't eaten today which made me have a mini binge on some of the snacks.
So I'm stuffing my face with crackers and this girl sees me reaching over for another cookie and she says "you eat so much but you're so skinny!"
Then she faces her friend and complains about how she feels so fat(she wasn't fat at all)
Little did she know this was the only thing I have eaten all day...
Ugh I'm having mixed emotions right now. I'm going to continue my binge and fast as long as I can starting tomorrow.

---

[Help] How do you choose / identify lower calorie mixed drinks when you're out?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 12 17:33:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aus6x/how_do_you_choose_identify_lower_calorie_mixed/
---
I'm going out with friends tonight and we're getting drinks at this speakeasy. I'm looking at the drinks menu and I can't really tell what's lower in calories or not. They don't have your typical drinks like old-fashioneds and things like that, and I feel like I should try their house special drinks. Do you have any tips for choosing drinks that are lower calorie (that aren't just like vodka soda)? Any ingredients to avoid? Thanks!

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[Thinspo] dear ana- song about anorexia
/u/jrste310 [5 ft | 106 lb | 21.34 | -21.5| Female]
Created: Fri May 12 17:31:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aurww/dear_ana_song_about_anorexia/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Do yall count calories or carbs?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Fri May 12 17:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aurp1/do_yall_count_calories_or_carbs/
---
I tend to count calories and stay under 500 a day but idk feels like maybe counting carbs would be easier. Any one have any experience with doing both and which you preferred?

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[Rant/Rave] and down the rabbit hole I go...
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Fri May 12 17:26:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6auqzf/and_down_the_rabbit_hole_i_go/
---
Well we're about two months into my bulimia relapse, and if you care about the DSM criteria I've gone from mild to moderate severity.

Sometimes I throw up involuntarily after eating. Sometimes I throw up salads. Sometimes I care deeply about "beating this" and sometimes I couldn't give less of a fuck.

Right now I don't know what I am. I know that food has power over me. I know that my hobbies shrink in importance the longer I continue down this road. I frequently trade contentment for euphoria, I trade my dreams and relationships so I can chase something that never makes me feel satisfied or whole. I give up everything for this one thing, rather than the other way around.

I was talking to a friend of mine about those great artists who always exist in this struggle between vice and virtue; bukowski, burroughs, johnston, cobain, hst, you know the rest. I traded in my drug addiction only for my eating disorder to come back worse than ever, but I don't create art and I don't feel as if I'm balanced by any virtue or artistic expression.

This can't be the rest of my life, right?

Sorry for those who had to read all of this. I feel better when I type out my feelings.

---

[Rant/Rave] Worst Binge Thoughts
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 17:11:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6auo9w/worst_binge_thoughts/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] i'm listening to people party outside
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Fri May 12 16:59:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aulx1/im_listening_to_people_party_outside/
---
finals are over so there's a million people at my like community pool i live right next to. i'm hiding inside peaking out my curtains because i'm a nosy bitch and uh it's not like i have other things to do.

guys the girls outside

holy shit. they're so skinny. and hot. and toned. and in nice bikini. and have the most AMAZING bodies holy shit.

i haven't swam in like 10 years and my legs haven't seen daylight in two years.

i just. it sucks. seeing all these girls happy and having fun and i will never be outside at a pool having a care free time. at least not in this lifetime. i'm not here for any validation or consolation or anything i just wanted to let this out


ps. i doing some of the girls on instagram and like holy hell they have like 1000s of followers and are basically just goals i didn't realize these kinds of people existed irl

pps. some of the dude are hot but also some are really ugly/overweight and i super hate how guys get a free pass a lot of the time because they'll have good personalities

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[Rant/Rave] ring pops can fuck me UP
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Fri May 12 16:55:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aul7l/ring_pops_can_fuck_me_up/
---
45 cal per ring pop and it takes me forever to eat too. PLUS ITS CANDY. It's not filling at all but it keeps my mouth busy and if I'm craving something sweet it's perfect. Goddamn.

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[Discussion] Activities to do when fighting the urge to binge
/u/OortLimit [5'0|CW:90|BMI:17.58|GW:82|22F]
Created: Fri May 12 16:27:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aug4p/activities_to_do_when_fighting_the_urge_to_binge/
---
Lately I've been trying to stop my cycle of binging and purging - its wreaking complete havoc on my teeth and the lining of my esophagus. My teeth are sensitive and my throat is burned from my stomach acid and I have a perpetual feeling of having a sore throat. :(


One of the best things I've done so far to keep my mind off of excessive thinking about food is to keep myself constantly busy.


**I clean the house**

* I do laundry
* wash dishes
* bleach the life out of the bathrooms
* vacuum every inch of the house



**I cook dinner**

* Cooking my family's dinner actually keeps me pretty satiated and I am not as tempted to eat as much as I was before

* I always keep my handy water bottle with me at all times and drink when I feel any pang of hunger

* I eat an apple if I start feeling hungry

**Exercise for at least an hour**

* weighted squats, push ups, etc

* walk my dog


So far I haven't binged or purged in about a week -which is a huge accomplishment! I hope you guys can break the B/P cycle too! If I can (and I have the non-existent will of a toddler) then so can you! Would also love to hear your tricks on breaking the routine of binging and purging!

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[Rant/Rave] I just binged...
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Fri May 12 16:01:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aub4r/i_just_binged/
---
... on rice cakes. Could be worse lol

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[Help] It's okay to feel like poo. We all need help some time.
/u/Arkhamgel
Created: Fri May 12 15:30:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6au58b/its_okay_to_feel_like_poo_we_all_need_help_some/
---
https://i.redd.it/ea0d6sdv05xy.png

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[Other] Hello my new love.
/u/miraclecoffee [5"4 | CW 115 | 20 lost | GW 100]
Created: Fri May 12 14:41:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6atv79/hello_my_new_love/
---
https://i.redd.it/7mqhhmq2s4xy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] How could this happen?
/u/CharlotteCherry
Created: Fri May 12 14:33:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6attjx/how_could_this_happen/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Raw stuff
/u/lil_buns [5'7" | CW 130 | 20.4 | GW 120 | UGW 115]
Created: Fri May 12 14:22:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6atr97/raw_stuff/
---
Just bought a spiralizer and I am HYPED!
There are like... 60 freaking calories in a zucchini and you can just eat it like pasta! I'm going to add a little bit of canned tuna, avocado, and artichoke hearts and see how it comes out. My whole dinner is projected to be around 170cal and the best part is I get to make it with my SO.
Want to cry
So happy
:')

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Youtube trending cookie video...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 13:41:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6atioe/rant_youtube_trending_cookie_video/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I don't want to eat with you jfc
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Fri May 12 13:12:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6atcn5/i_dont_want_to_eat_with_you_jfc/
---
k I'm really rambly today so bear with me

so I just started a new job, literally moved hours away to work at this place. three people out of five are new (ownership change, small franchise) and apparently it's company tradition for everyone to sit together and pray and eat catered food on fridays.

I'M AN ATHEIST WITH AN EATING DISORDER LORD DELIVER ME FROM THIS HELL ON EARTH. *(I'm not really atheist atheist, I have a personal belief system but it does not involve any omniscient being who has time to bless our first world problems when there are atrocities being committed across the globe, you get the point, I am just incredibly uncomfortable with religion)*

there's only five of us!! it's so awkward and it's like you have to sit at this table while everyone eats and I'm just sitting there with my tea and ofc it's a whole deal omg bellexy you're really not going to have even a little bit. I intermittent fast religiously (haha get it) so I can't bring something small to eat while they're eating five pounds of guacamole. this is the first job in five+ years that I get weekends off - i should love fridays! but nah we gotta have family sit down time ffs. I don't wanna eat with y'all! I don't wanna pray with y'all! I'm here to motherfuckin work! Dang!

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[Other] Anyone want me to photoshop a goal weight picture for them?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 12:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6at6v2/anyone_want_me_to_photoshop_a_goal_weight_picture/
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[removed]

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[Other] I thought I might have cancer.
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Fri May 12 12:23:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6at1zn/i_thought_i_might_have_cancer/
---
I recently went to the doctor after feeling a lump in my armpit that wouldn't go away. I stressed for weeks, silently freaking out and wondering what my family would do with all my stuff, especially since the doctor made me even more nervous about it. Yesterday I finally got my ultrasound, and the technician said it was nothing, just my muscle! I kept asking her how I could just develop a random little bump there, and she asked, "Have you lost a lot of weight recently?"
"Um, sort of I guess, about 20 pounds."
"Yep, that will do it!"

...
So apparently weight loss can cause worrisome lumpies, be aware! I hadn't heard of this before, but dang I'm relieved!

---

[Rant/Rave] Triggered af
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri May 12 12:15:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6at09i/triggered_af/
---
My mom just sent me a picture of me from the peak of my ED. Why the hell would she do that. God damn I don't even look scarily skinny I look fucking great how did I get so out of control.

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[Discussion] If for 24 hours you could eat as much as you wanted and not gain anything from it, what would you eat?
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Fri May 12 11:17:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6asng3/if_for_24_hours_you_could_eat_as_much_as_you/
---
I would absolutely pig out on sweets and desserts, they are my biggest binge foods and my doom! I would eat cookies, muffins, crepes, nutella and peanut butter with bananas, cinnamon rols, cheesecake, flan, chocolate milk, candy bars, cereal, ice cream...I want to die of a sugar rush I guess, lol.

What about you?

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone ever just say f it?
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Fri May 12 11:02:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6asjyy/anyone_ever_just_say_f_it/
---
F*** what your family and friends think. F*** the judgemental comments and questions. F*** your telling me that my "diet" isn't emotionally healthy.

I'm over trying to hide that I hate my body. I'm tired of eating because if I don't they will be mad. Let them be mad. What are they going to do about it? Nothing. I know they won't do anything so why do I worry what they think?

---

[Other] Confession that will probably get removed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 10:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ase3d/confession_that_will_probably_get_removed/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Did anyone manage to switch from purging to restricting?
/u/Gijjid [6'1" | CW kill me | GW 130 lbs | -65lbs | 22]
Created: Fri May 12 10:14:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6as9gu/did_anyone_manage_to_switch_from_purging_to/
---
i try to restrict only, but I just fail at it so often. I hate purging so much. The smell, the taste, the effect it'll have on my teeth, and so on. And I know it'll never really be that effective. I just tried to purge a bowl of cereal, and now I'm crying since nothing solid would come up. so now i just get to have the lovely lingering taste of stomach acid. At least I know not to bother trying to purge cereal again!

I cant just STOP though. I'm still so absurdly fat. If I don't purge then it'll only get even worse again. A coupel months ago I managed to... idk, I guess channel all of the thoughts I have about this into just thinking about not eating, and I was down to under 500 calories for a few days. That's the best i've ever managed to restrict. But it was only a few days. That gradually went back up to uncontrollable levels where I have to purge again.

But for a while I did manage to stop!! I KNOW it's possible! i just don't remember how to get that energy, or how to put myself into that mindset, or whatever I did. So if anyone here managed to go from primarily purging to primarily restricting, please tell me about it. Anything you can say! maybe hearing from someone who did the same thing can help. Let me know that Im not just lying to myself when I try to think that I'm capable of *not* shove food at my face. I hope I'm not lying.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a jerk but I hate when my work provides lunch for me.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Fri May 12 09:58:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6as5uo/i_feel_like_a_jerk_but_i_hate_when_my_work/
---
I have a very specific list of foods that I feel okay eating. The places they choose for lunch basically have no low cal options, so I'm usually forced to get some type of grilled chicken salad. Those are usually ~450 calories which is more than double what I usually allow myself for lunch. Last week I tried to get a vegetable platter but the veggies were so overcooked that it was soggy and disgusting and inedible, plus I was worried about if they used a ton of oil/butter/fat in cooking the vegetables. So I'm sticking with lettuce since that's kind of hard to add sneaky cals to.

It's so nice of them that they provide lunch for me but it's also frustrating that I can't just eat what I want to. And opting out isn't really an option since it would be perceived as being very rude (small family owned company).

Ugh. This sucks.

/endrant

---

Wish I had a normal brain
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 09:51:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6as4h3/wish_i_had_a_normal_brain/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] My family hates me and all I want to do is binge and hurt myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 09:47:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6as3pd/my_family_hates_me_and_all_i_want_to_do_is_binge/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Trigger foods at the store
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri May 12 09:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6arz9l/trigger_foods_at_the_store/
---
How do you deal with that shit? (I won't mention any of the foods here because *even seeing the words triggers a binge for me now*, apparently.)

I forgot I had to walk past binge foods to get to my coffee. I stopped and stared at the thing. I walked past to get my coffee. I walked back. I circled around. Tears welled up in my eyes. I held it together til I got home, then remembered the binge food was at home too. Binged and cried. Fuck this shit!!

I beg my boyfriend and family not to leave me with binge food. I fill my kitchen with safe foods and tell myself I can eat fruits and veggies if I really can't fast. Then I have to dig out the shit that I've purposefully buried at the back of the pantry, all because I saw it at the grocery store. When I was only there to get coffee.

On mobile, please flair as discussion or help or rant? Idk.

---

[Intro] I'm back lmao
/u/dec4y [5'3 | hugh mungus|gw:100lbs|-10lbs|f]
Created: Fri May 12 09:17:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6arx2q/im_back_lmao/
---
Hey! I don't know if anyone remembers me as I was never suuuper active here, but I've been trying to find the motivation and phone storage to finally come back. I've just started nutrisystem because my boyfriend knows about my ED and watches everything I eat (we live together) so he wants me eating a healthy amount each day. Fortunately I work 10+ hours a day so I can skip as many meals as I want there.
(Pls don't mention how it's a waste of money because believe me I know but I have to satisfy my ED one way or another.) Anyway, missed you guys! Glad to be back I guess lol

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate the people at r/loseit
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Fri May 12 09:07:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aruys/i_hate_the_people_at_rloseit/
---
[removed]

---

[Thinspo] Kylie Minogue wearing red
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Fri May 12 08:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6armak/kylie_minogue_wearing_red/
---
http://imgur.com/a/mw6bL

---

[Other] DAE have circa 900-1100 calories a day?
/u/psydorable
Created: Fri May 12 08:16:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ark9t/dae_have_circa_9001100_calories_a_day/
---
I'm still in school, so I can't restrict lower than that without it impacting my concentration, and I don't have time or energy left to do sports. It always seems like everyone here has at least >800 kcal/day + exercise (in the food diary at least), and that makes me feel like the total glutton of this sub. So, like what's everyone's actual average calorie intake per day here?

---

[Rant/Rave] Fasted all day then boyfriend forgot dinner...
/u/risska
Created: Fri May 12 07:33:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6arbfz/fasted_all_day_then_boyfriend_forgot_dinner/
---
I was going to eat a burger and fries tonight with my boyfriend, you know as people do on a Friday night, no big deal. I had made the plans and had been fantasising about it for days, knowing it was coming gave me motivation every day not to slip. I fasted all day to make sure I saved every calorie for that burger so I didn't have to feel as guilty and could 'enjoy' it.

An hour before we were meant to meet he cancelled, or more so he had forgotten and made other plans. While I was sad that he forgot about our plans I was mostly sad I didn't get to eat that burger. I went home and cried about how much of an asshole he is, how much that meal meant to me but so little to him. I guess I don't need to eat today. At least something good came out of it.

Does anyone else find themselves devastated when planned meals are cancelled?

---

[Intro] Back again
/u/ventoservitas [5'6" | CW:Shameful | GW: 110lbs | 3.1lbs | 26F]
Created: Fri May 12 07:32:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6arb5b/back_again/
---
I made it almost a year away, but I'm back again with a new account as my last one was compromised.
I quit my old job, moved to a new place with new people, quit smoking and it was all going well until there was nothing else left to change.
So hi everyone, I've missed you guys

---

[Other] If any of those who's seen the "thin" documentary, there's a book version on amazon which features unseen photos of the girls+their stories(my copy came today!).
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 07:28:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6arac6/if_any_of_those_whos_seen_the_thin_documentary/
---
https://i.redd.it/8a65p2gmm2xy.jpg

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 12 06:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aqvri/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_12/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for May 12, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 12 06:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aqvqv/daily_food_diary_may_12_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Thinspo] vintage thinspo: the lovely Penelope Tree
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 05:22:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aqp3s/vintage_thinspo_the_lovely_penelope_tree/
---
https://i.redd.it/jko21c8oz1xy.jpg

---

[Discussion] Just remembered something.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Fri May 12 04:46:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aqjzl/just_remembered_something/
---
I was fourteen when I made myself throw up for the first time. I didn't know the word for what I was doing, but I'd just eaten three tacos and my dad told me that was "waaaay too much food." I like to say that I've only been sick for a few months, but really I've been messed up for a really long time.
How early do you guys remember having disordered eating?

---

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate clothes.
/u/080704272
Created: Fri May 12 04:36:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aqipa/i_fucking_hate_clothes/
---
I wish I could just be naked all the time. One of the biggest things getting in the way of my recovery is how I'm physically feeling. I don't weigh myself anymore, I realllly limit my body checks, and I haven't measured anything in weeks. It's really given me the ability to work through a lot of negative thoughts.

I feel good about myself most of the time, but as I mentioned before, I can't get past the physical sensations.

"Is that a roll? That wasn't there before."

"Fuuuck, did I just jiggle there?"

That kinda stuff.

It's been easier to get past those thoughts. So of course my stupid body dysmorphia has shifted in another direction to make sure I don't have any peace.

My clothes. Even my "safe clothes" are not exempt any more.

"These used to fall down a lot more"

"Those underwear are practically cutting off circulation, how much have you gained?"

"Remember when you could feel your ribs brushing against this shirt? Now its like a sausage casing."

No matter how much I argue with it. No matter how much I rationalize, it won't shut up. I got to the point the other day that I was yelling "Shut up! Shut up!" at myself over and over and over.

Yes, I had a bad weekend. Yes, maybe I gained a pound or two. Its not a big deal. Everything is okay. I don't wanna spend every moment of my existence focusing on this shit anymore. Why does my brain have to be so fucking persistent?


**[INB4:** Yes, I'm kind of attempting recovery. I know there's a recovery subreddit. I lurk but I don't feel ready to post there. I'm not in therapy because of lack of insurance, and even when I get on a plan in a few months, I'm not sure I can afford it. I hope that didn't come off snippy, I just know that's what a lot of people suggest in recovery related posts haha]

---

[Other] We are celebrating Mothers Day on Saturday
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 04:11:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aqfkb/we_are_celebrating_mothers_day_on_saturday/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Tdee calc says max 600/day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 12 03:16:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aq8pt/tdee_calc_says_max_600day/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] I'm always taken aback when my partner wants to hang out with me in public.
/u/DontTellWendy [5'7"| CW: 71kg | GW: 60Kg | F]
Created: Fri May 12 03:14:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aq8ic/im_always_taken_aback_when_my_partner_wants_to/
---
He's invited me to his holiday house next weekend and we're gonna go to the hotprings. And already i'm already freaking out because I'll have to be wearing some sort of bikini in public. I'm also so so surprised because he suggested the hotsprings which means that he knows what i'll be wearing.

I've got so many thoughts running through my mind. But mostly I'm definetely purplexed that he wants to be seen with me there.

I'm sorry for the rambling, i just had to let my thoughts out because i'm not sure my friends would understand why i'm freaking out about this a week in advance, and you guys are all so understanding.

---

[Rant/Rave] Today two people told me I looked thinner
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F 🌱]
Created: Fri May 12 03:07:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aq7q9/today_two_people_told_me_i_looked_thinner/
---
Living up to the second part of my username at last 😂

---

[Rant/Rave] I shouldn't be this happy about my tail bone hurting when I sit/lay down
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri May 12 02:31:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aq3m1/i_shouldnt_be_this_happy_about_my_tail_bone/
---
How much it hurt for the majority of last year did frustrate me and it's obviously uncomfortable (read: actually very painful), but when I gained over winter, it stopped hurting.. and that frustrated me and upset me even more. I knew it was because I had *way* more 'padding'.

It's started hurting again over the last couple of weeks or so, and now consistently hurts sitting down, laying down on my back, trying to do sit-ups... like it used to. Not as bad as it used to, but definitely very much there.

I'm crossing my fingers that it means I've lost bodyfat. I havn't weight myself in a short while, as I realised how wildly I fluctuate with water weight & constipation weight, hah, and I felt weighing myself so often wasn't helping me figure much out about myself at all (Still pleased I have my own scale now though.. I'm going to try and hold off weighing until the end of May)

So I'm sat here (painfully) hoping it's not hurting for any other reason, but hurting because the 'padding' is going away. Which is kind of the same as hoping it starts to hurt more and more, which I guess is pretty weird. Sigh. But, I do.

---

[Other] Little words; aka lazy emo poetry.
/u/bir_die [🌼 5'8" | 105.2 | 15.82 | GW: 111 | 23 Bird 🌼]
Created: Fri May 12 02:25:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aq2x4/little_words_aka_lazy_emo_poetry/
---
I love you guys so you get the treat of seeing in my lil wordy brain. They aight. Wouldn't say they're bad nor good. But I'm bored and tired but also can't sleep so I'm sharing since they're ~super emo about my ED stur-uh-huh-gulls~. TBH they're essentially just small phrases with random breaks for aesthetics. Kiss kiss.

(Don't feed into my self-deprecation, I'm playing it casual so y'all can't judge me and I am an anxious weenie).

*One:*

>I want bird bones.

>I crave skin

>pulling taut across joints.

>Break me with a touch;

>Lift me with a finger.

>Take my breath away

>And let me go with the wind

>And sink into the sea.

*Two:*

>I sleep with my hand

>On my collarbone;

>Keeping my heart

>Inside its sharpness.

*Three:*

>Dragging my hands down my ribs,

>Hoping to come away with cuts.

>Small secret smiles when I'm bruised;

>I will not be anchored by this corpse.

*Four:*

>Anxiety bubbles in my guts

>Twisting them (organs in knots)

>Little whispers

>Trying to put me in my place.

*Five:*

>I will be a haunt

>And bring gasps up throats

>As I pass through.

*Six:*

>Cigarettes burning

>holes in my mouth

>where dreams come true.

>and I am hungry.

*Seven:*

>There's light between my thighs

>that you should block out

>with kisses and whispers.

*Eight:*

>I smell like sugar and cigarettes;

>Bittersweet to the bone.

*Nine:*

>Stiff fingers want to hold hands;

>But break when bent.

*Ten:*

>Stuffed mouths and closed eyes

>Miss the good to find in life.




Okay done bye I'll probably delete this later xoxoxo

---

[Meme/Humor] Tonight on "Why am I eating?"
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Fri May 12 02:06:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aq0sq/tonight_on_why_am_i_eating/
---
Work day? Ok should be fasting...
Does this food delight me? No.
Is someone watching? No.
When was my last period.... Ah ok... Spit it out. Now....

I will not eat because I am becoming a hormonal basket case.

---

[Discussion] Anyone work in the food industry?
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Thu May 11 23:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6apka2/anyone_work_in_the_food_industry/
---
What do you do and what is working with food like for you? How does your attitude toward food differ at work and at home?

---

[Goal] Daily Update 1
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 11 23:48:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6apjxd/daily_update_1/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Not knowing what I look like is giving me anxiety
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 98lbs]
Created: Thu May 11 23:22:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6apgcs/not_knowing_what_i_look_like_is_giving_me_anxiety/
---
Everytime I think i'm sure I know what i'm looking at in the mirror, something happens and i'm suddenly in the dark.

Tonight at work, I go in, get changed into my skimpy dress, and look at myself in the full length mirror. I see a body that still needs a little work, as usual. I go to wash my hands and look at myself in the mirror above the sink. My arms are suddenly rail thin. They look different than how they appeared in the full length mirror. I'm not sure anymore.

Later, a new waitress comes in to start her shift. She looked like she couldn't be older than 15, and had a prepubescent body. Very, very thin. I notice our uniform dress fitting snugly around her body. It hangs on me. I'm under the impression that these dresses are one size fits all. Why does mine fit loosely when it's so tight on a girl I believe to be much smaller than me?

A lot of random commentary from coworkers about me being a tiny girl. Jokes about how my arms will snap in two if I try to carry the ice buckets. I chuckle.

Body dysmorphia. Who even am I? Is anything real? I would just really like to know what fucking planet i'm on.

---

[Goal] 36 hours in: Daily update
/u/clara1992 [5'2" | CW 118lbs | GW 101 | - 12lbs | 24F]
Created: Thu May 11 23:09:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6apepi/36_hours_in_daily_update/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't go to the concert I wanted to go to :(
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW: Too Much| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Thu May 11 22:29:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ap8x6/cant_go_to_the_concert_i_wanted_to_go_to/
---
So it's binge city for this bitch!!

---

[Intro] Intro/How do you guys stave off cravings?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 11 21:22:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aoyg9/introhow_do_you_guys_stave_off_cravings/
---
[deleted]

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu May 11 21:13:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aowwt/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/effenvx5lzwy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Rookie Mistake
/u/blushinggloom
Created: Thu May 11 20:13:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aomii/rant_rookie_mistake/
---
I was feeling light-headed and couldn't keep myself up without feeling faint.
This has been going on for a couple of days so I decided to go to my doctor.
Rookie Mistake.
I tell her about how I lost weight in the past couple of months and now she's saying I have to come every month to have a weigh in.
If I keep losing substantial weight, she'll have to put me in the treatment center :(
Worst part is I'm not even near my goal weight

---

[Rant/Rave] I blinked and went further down the ED rabbit hole.
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 11 20:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aomf9/i_blinked_and_went_further_down_the_ed_rabbit_hole/
---
I'm starting to lie to people about my restriction and my upped exercise. My mom insisted we get pizza on Monday and then she wanted me to have the leftovers. She wouldn't take them. I ended up throwing them away and saying I took them to work for lunch. She spent money on me to treat me to something recovery (or binge cycle) me usually loves.

I went to the gym earlier today, came home and slept a few hours, and then when I woke up I didn't feel like I burned enough so I'm itching to go again. I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend in an hour and I asked to postpone it. He asked why, I told him I have some chores and errands to take care of. He knows I was at the gym earlier and I didn't feel like "I'm going back for round two at the gym" would have been a good conversation to have.

I'm at a net of about 550 cals for the day (900 before my workout earlier) and yet I keep telling myself "you went too high, work another 200 off and then you can eat dinner. You knew you weren't supposed to get up to 900 and you snacked anyway."

Only two months ago I was doing this all in a healthy way and only just *starting* to very slowly relapse. And to be honest, this is probably the worst (or longest/most consistent) that my more anorexic tendencies have been. My cycles have always been sort of quick and sporadic. It was this quick intense spike that actually brought me to this sub for the first time because I finally started to realize I have -and always had- a problem.

And like. Even my "binge days" lately haven't gone over 1200 calories for the day, and that's a deficit for me.

Does anyone else feel like they fall deeper down the rabbit hole really abruptly? Or so you even like it's a slow fall, but you keep reaching new lows?

---

[Rant/Rave] My dinner tonight
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu May 11 20:01:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aokfo/my_dinner_tonight/
---
Is a mug of senna tea, a glass of red wine, and 3 rice cakes w pb2 lined up by which to eat first

YA FEEL ME/CAN I GET AN "AMEN"?!

(Can't flair on mobile sorry mods)

---

[Help] Worried about my recent caloric intake. Will I gain?
/u/cozypink [5'5" | CW: 118 | GW1: 110 | 22F]
Created: Thu May 11 19:37:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aog8m/worried_about_my_recent_caloric_intake_will_i_gain/
---
I've been eating <600 calories for a week or so but the past two days I've had roughly 1000-1350 (thanks beer). Will I gain a little because I went above my usual intake? If so, how can I mitigate it?

I'd like to raise my intake to 800-1100 calories to prevent binging but I'm worried I'll gain weight at first/I won't lose. Any insight on this is appreciated!

---

[Discussion] Has anyone had their skin break out while on an EC stack?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Thu May 11 19:22:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aodlh/has_anyone_had_their_skin_break_out_while_on_an/
---
Don't know if it's coincidence or if anyone else has experienced this side effect, but it started around the same time.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else parents have/had an ED?
/u/BlazeDozer [6'2 | CW: 174.8| GW: 135lbs | -24lbs | Female(Trans)]
Created: Thu May 11 19:11:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aobqo/anyone_else_parents_havehad_an_ed/
---
My mom admitted to me while drunk she used to be bulimic, and that made me wonder if anyone else know if there parents had an ED?

Although it was interesting it made me terrified because now it feels like she knows that i purge...

---

[Help] really scared right now
/u/TinyTinyCleverCDR [bulimiaayy lmao]
Created: Thu May 11 19:07:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aob0l/really_scared_right_now/
---
I overate. Purged it. Followed up with my fluids/electrolytes and went on with my day.

I just got sent home from work early because I fainted and hit the floor. Guys. I felt absolutely fine. I didn't even see it coming. One second I was walking and the next I was on the ground looking up at my manager. I don't even remember falling.

Now I'm dizzy and I feel like hell and I'm terrified because it was just so out of left field. I felt fine. I didn't do anything I hadn't done before, and I was perfectly fine all those times.

Even though, logically, I knew purging was risky and fucked up, I guess it just didn't feel real before. I thought if I felt fine then I must not be so bad. But everything changed so fast.

on mobile, sorry. idek how to tag this i'm just scared and don't have anywhere else to turn to

---

[Help] Just broke up with my bf and I need your help
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Thu May 11 18:33:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ao4wp/just_broke_up_with_my_bf_and_i_need_your_help/
---
I know this isn't ED related but I think we all think alike.
Broke up with him over text because I'm the worst. I didn't exactly break up with him but alluded to it and I know it's coming. So can I get your best breakup advice, support, tips to not text him how to move on, how to not to crumple into pieces?
I was never enough for him. I'm not enough to love for anyone and I think I'll just be alone. I'll probably never see him again and it breaks my heart. We were together for 3 yrs, which isn't that long, but I'm still heartbroken.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] I will not eat, because I need the validation
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Thu May 11 17:53:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6anxgr/rant_i_will_not_eat_because_i_need_the_validation/
---
So, I want to be thin. I want people to notice I'm thin. But I've been called thin when I was just overweight, when I was 120, 110, and now of course. Even though I've untill very recently been skinny fat. To most people, I've always been thin. Ridiculously​ skinny even. I swear this isn't bragging, I'm just trying to pre-explain this predicament.

I have a friend who doesn't think this way, who recognizes when someone has too much fat and what healthy generally looks like. I don't see them very often, and last time they saw me it was mentioned how much weight I lost (about ten or twelve pounds) and it was so nice, when even my husband doesn't notice, when I was starting to think there was no difference, that little comment made me so happy.

We had plans to get together a few months from now, plenty of time to get to goal weight and get that validation I need so bad apparently. But now we're meeting up in thirty days and I'm panicking. I wanted this drastic difference, now at best I might be able to lose four-ish pounds and dehydrate myself a bit beforehand. But that may be all I need to feel in control at least.

I know if I make it past the first 24 hours I could fast indefinitely, it feels so good if I get past that crazy hunger stage. This isn't my first fast, but this is the first time I'm doing it indefinitely. Tips and encouragement if you like, thanks for reading if you got this far 💟🌸💕

---

[Help] Took an ec stack, but the dangers are giving me a panic attack.
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu May 11 17:34:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6antxj/took_an_ec_stack_but_the_dangers_are_giving_me_a/
---
I took one tab of bronkaid with a 200 mg caffeine pill and am laying in bed. I felt fine, until I read the dangers of heart attack and stroke and now I'm having a full on panic attack, help.

---

[Discussion] What's your ideal ED food day?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu May 11 16:47:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6anl7r/whats_your_ideal_ed_food_day/
---
Idk why this popped in my head but I'm really curious. I've seen this done in a like "if you could eat anything and not gain weight forever" but I'm kind of wondering if you had to live every day with your ED and the laws of physics still in place, and had to eat the same thing every single day, what would it be? Like a full day of food.

For me it would be:

Black coffee and Powerade zero all morning

Lunch around 2:00 at a sushi restaurant and I'd get a bowl of miso, a California roll, and a cucumber roll with soy sauce and wasabi which totals almost exactly 500 cals

Dinner at like 10 would be a ham and cheddar lunchable which is 260 cals

And then probably a sugar free popsicle at midnight before bed


Definitely not my favorite foods, but it's the perfect day that keeps me super full, doesn't have guilt foods, none of it gives me anxiety to eat but it's delicious and keeps me around 800 cals which seems to be my sweet spot for being able to healthily function while not feeling guilty.

What would you all do???

---

[Goal] [Goal] Day one of maintaining complete
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 11 16:46:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6anl1f/goal_day_one_of_maintaining_complete/
---
And it's been surprisingly okay! I really missed eating food that I enjoy. I'm a little worried that I'm vastly underestimating the calories in everything I'm eating since I'm eating out a lot this week and not weighing anything, but I'm trying to remind myself that I could easily get rid of a pound in a week and it's hard to accidentally eat 3600 extra calories. I'm just hoping I'll start being able to see myself how I actually look eventually.

---

[Help] I'm 18, boyfriend is 31.
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Thu May 11 16:21:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6anfxj/im_18_boyfriend_is_31/
---
We're nearly a year into the relationship. I know the age gap is weird but we're great.

The only thing that bums me is how mature he is about my ED situation. I struggle with body image and restricting but then he comes with his calm voice and adult arguments and compliments and it all makes so much sense and I let myself loosen up.

But it never fixes me. The thoughts persist. It's just that I'm unable to do anything about them anymore. They don't make sense when I'm with him, and I'm with him way more than I'm not since we live together.

I'll never really recover and yet I'll never really manage to get to my goal. This situation is weird. What do I do? I tried again and again to explain myself, he doesn't literally stop me from trying my ways, but he just says things that *make sense* and I choose to give up maybe because it's so much easier to. And I'm fine but then I'm not. I keep coming back on proed, I keep triggering myself, then I'm not fine. Repeat.

Have you been in a situation like this? Where it doesn't make sense to keep going and yet it never goes away?

---

[Rant/Rave] The fuck???
/u/EARLBEIGE [5'9" | 133 | 19.64 | -22 | F]
Created: Thu May 11 15:53:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ana34/the_fuck/
---
So I'm trying something new. Basically instead of trying to restrict like crazy and risking failing (which happened too fucking often), I'm eating 800-1300 calories/day while exam season is still on.

Yesterday I ate 1150 calories and worked out for 40 minutes on the stairmaster after my exam from 7-10p, and at my height and weight, that definitely amounts do a net loss in weight.

But today I feel fat as fuck!! My *leggings* are tight. My stomach almost peeks out (and I've always had a tiny waist compared to the rest of me) and my legs look absolutely disgusting. Is this what I get for working out less this semester?? Ugh I used to be about this same size and super-fit, but now I'm not even skinny fat. Just fucking fat. I looked passable before bc I was in really good shape (from working out for 1.5-4 hours every day lol), but now that my body's recomped I literally look disgusting. I haven't weighed myself because I know it'll stress me out and I can't do that until after my last exam tonight, but I probably won't even do it then bc I know it'll be bad.

Ugh. It just feels so fucking gross. The layer of fat on my thighs has literally never been this thick. I'm done with this body. It's fucking canceled. I have a month off before summer semester starts and you bet my fat ass that I'm spending the whole fucking thing in the gym.

Sorry for the rant y'all, hope you're having more success than me!!

---

[Rant/Rave] I need to actually fast. .
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Thu May 11 15:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6an3ev/i_need_to_actually_fast/
---
I'm trying to balance out all of my binging lately and yesterday i decided to fast. I went al day on an ec stack and then at 10pm ate 1100 calories. Like what the fuck i can't even go a day without eating anymore. Why did i gain back so much weight. A year ago i was down 25lbs and here i am. A fat slob. I will not eat today. I can not eat today. I refuse.

---

[Goal] Reached my first GW and not happy with my body :(
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Thu May 11 15:02:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6amzdt/reached_my_first_gw_and_not_happy_with_my_body/
---
As of this evening, after a full day of work, I stepped on the scale and it read 58kg.

I should be ecstatic, right?!

Instead I'm not. 49day streak on LoseIt, with most days under 900kcal and I feel crappy.

My boobs are too small, my hips and thighs are too big, I have no tone, no definition, nothing. I don't even feel like I LOOK smaller. The only things that I can see are different is that my jawline is the tiniest bit more defined and my collarbones have a gap underneath as well as above. You know that selfie thread we have on here? I still feel too ashamed to ever post anything with my horrible gelatinous body on there.

I've shoved my goal posts to 52kg, I refuse to have a huge ass and a tiny chest. That's just not gonna cut it for me.

I think my boyfriend is becoming less attracted to me because of my deflating chest, he says I'm 'elegant', but I think that's just a nice way of saying "you look like a celery stalk with potatoes for buttcheeks." He told me the other night that his other girlfriends have had big boobs and he said it in a way that was like he was really into me and it meant that there were lots of different ways to be beautiful, but I'm just obsessing over it.

Maybe I should try yoga or something to get more defined?

I am also scared that maybe my scales are horribly broken and I'm still way in the 60s, but I'm too scared to try other scales. I'm going to my sister's tomorrow and I might try her scales just to see how accurate mine actually are.

I don't know, I guess I'm ranting, but I also could do with some support.

---

[Discussion] Counting Calories?
/u/glitterbun
Created: Thu May 11 15:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6amyzh/counting_calories/
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I've been considering counting calories and getting a scale to help lessen the urge to purge every night, after eating too much and feeling bloated. Does anyone think that would help? I've always gone by how my body looks and the size pants that I wear instead of a scale and it makes me feel more inclined to binge/purge not knowing. :( Is there a good app for logging food as well?

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[Discussion] Q: Why is everyone so scared of bananas?
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Thu May 11 14:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6amnal/q_why_is_everyone_so_scared_of_bananas/
---
I am too, even thinking about eating one gives me anxiety. Why does it seem like so many people with an ED are scared of bananas? Does anyone actually know?

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[Intro] Never done an intro soooo...
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Thu May 11 13:47:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6amimh/never_done_an_intro_soooo/
---
Hi all! I'm a semi-lurker and have posted a few times here but never done a proper introduction.

I'm kind of a youngin, I'm not quite 18. I've had disordered eating since I was probably about 12, which developed into what I consider anorexia (was not diagnosed). That was short lived and developed into anorexia binge-purge type when I started high school.

In February, bulimia had been kicking my ass for months (daily b/ps really drained my energy and I couldn't live with myself). So I decided to ask for help. Basically, that made (and still makes) me feel like a huge fraud baby, because instead of getting to a BMI of -47, I asked to be helped. People with EDs are supposed to hide their disorders and live in despair and secrecy. Asking for help definitely felt like a mistake, but I know I wouldn't have gotten out of my rut without that push.

I'm currently in an OP program. I admit I'm very much half-assing recovery currently. I do everything in my power to prevent b/p episodes, but I feel great about restricting. I'm in lots of trouble because i've lost weight since February, even though my BMI is 18.0 so I'm hardly underweight. It's wonderful to have this community that won't force recovery on me and allows people to express whatever they feel in regards to their ED.

Thanks for reading my boring and stupid intro, it means a lot!

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[Rant/Rave] I can not be the only person that didn't know the "Before and After" photos that weight loss companys use are photoshopped and often taken in the same day.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 11 13:31:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6amerd/i_can_not_be_the_only_person_that_didnt_know_the/
---
I was watching a documentary on netflix about 3 brothers who used steroids and steroids culture. This male model was talking about how he uses steroids so he looks good in photos. They interviewed a fitness photographer and the photographer explained that when companies do "before and after" photos its usually taken in the same day and photoshopped later.

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[Other] Running is the anti-binge.
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.4 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.6 lbs]
Created: Thu May 11 12:24:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6alz9l/running_is_the_antibinge/
---
I had a bad week last week. I was doing so well and then sort of fell into a binge cycle and... yea.

But I'm out now and I just got back from running and a thought occurred to me: running is the anti-binge. They're opposites in almost every way. I dread going, but I do it because I know it's good for me and I know I'll feel good after. While running, almost all I can think about is the fact that I'm running and I focus on when I can stop next. If I'm weak-willed that day, I will stop even though I know I can go farther. When I'm done, I feel amazing and vow to do it every day, whenever I can.

The lead up to a binge is fraught with anticipation. I fantasize about what I could eat, counting and recounting calories, calculating how long it'd take me to work off, searching for any rationalization for a binge that day. With the excitement, there's also the shame and fear, though, because I know it's bad for me and I know I'll ultimately regret it. I do it anyway because it's all I can think about. While binging, I don't really think about the fact that I'm binging until I feel sick. I keep going, even though I know I should stop. And if I think I'm feeling especially weak-willed that day, I'll go to the grocery store at 11:30 pm and buy more binge food, even though I know it'll most likely be thrown away or thrown up. And when it's over, I hate myself and vow to never do it again.

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[Rant/Rave] Why am I so annoyed that my roommate joined MFP?!
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 140 | GW: 125 | -13lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 11 11:27:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6allun/why_am_i_so_annoyed_that_my_roommate_joined_mfp/
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Just noticed that my roommate joined MFP and has been logging daily for the past couple weeks...She's a little shorter than me and her calorie goal is 150 higher than mine, and she doesn't weigh her food so she's probably underestimating, but for some reason I felt a slight amount of panic and some definite frustration when I saw that she was trying to lose weight. I think it's because both my roommates are doing really well in life, especially this one (very high paying job and a guy who is super into her), and I'm not (still no permanent employment, and single for the past several years), and I just want to at least be the skinny/hot roommate. If I'm completely honest, I think I'm terrified that she'll lose more weight than me/end up looking better (since she does resistance training she'll have muscle whereas I don't exercise aka I'll be skinnyfat), and I just want that one thing, ya know? I'm fine being the poor roommate, the lonely roommate, the vaguely unemployed roommate, as long as I can at least be the skinny/hot roommate...

Conversely, I have a friend who was on MFP before me, and she is already skinnier than me/has lost more, and she is the one who inspired me to actually start tracking my food, and I feel no sense of competition with her at all. Maybe because I don't live with her/she doesn't have permanent employment yet either?

---

[Intro] hi hey hello (introduction)
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Thu May 11 11:18:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aljqo/hi_hey_hello_introduction/
---
ok so I wasn't gonna do one of these but then I was like oh wow wait they're really tight knit here and I don't wanna look like some rando so hi

I've been an on/off poster here on my main acct but I kinda want to split off that for this and some other subs so

basically hi I'm a human disaster and im p sure I'm older than most of you (26 almost 27 but definitely going to just say I'm 24 for the rest of my life). I managed to secure like a solid 1.5 years of recovery really successfully and then I made literally the dumbest decision of my life and weighed in and whoop thur it is, back to square one. but you know whatever it's literally been cyclical with me for like the last 13 years so

anyway I just wanted to say hi and y'all are so amazing and I love how much support and love is in this sub. it's so important to have places like here and mpa (some of mpa, def not all) who are understanding and not preachy "check urself into recovery" and also not like promoting all of it as a good thing.

ok I'm rambling so ima stop here and just send all my good vibes and juju to all of you because you deserve it! 💞

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[Goal] B/p free
/u/library-girl
Created: Thu May 11 11:00:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6alff2/bp_free/
---
Today is the third consecutive day I'm Binge and Purge free in over 4 months. I'm losing weight and feeling good. 1050 cals a day plus exercise. I'm doing this!

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[Other] When reddit conspires against you
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Thu May 11 10:43:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6alb5y/when_reddit_conspires_against_you/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Helpppp - foods to always have in the cupboards?
/u/stillweighting [5'4 | CW 130 | GW 99 | LW 107 | F]
Created: Thu May 11 09:39:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6akvyy/helpppp_foods_to_always_have_in_the_cupboards/
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Hi guys,

I was wondering if you could list your 'staple' foods and your go-to's. I struggle really bad with binging and need some low cal options to just grab and go

Thanks xx

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[Meme/Humor] No, Imgur. Just no. lol
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 11 09:02:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aknqy/no_imgur_just_no_lol/
---
https://i.redd.it/7dnfyt5oyvwy.png

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[Help] Going to start ec stacking soon, looking for advice
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 110 | F | 👽]
Created: Thu May 11 08:57:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6akmo6/going_to_start_ec_stacking_soon_looking_for_advice/
---
The title pretty much explains it. I plan to take it once a day, in the morning before I exercise. I probably don't need to make this post because it will be fine but I am super nervous and need reassurance that I won't die. Anyone have any specific ec related advice and tips to not die? Or just maybe life advice in general? Perhaps an interesting story? I am a wreck.

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[Discussion] Post-binge game plan
/u/redditorsHATEhim [5'4" | CW: 148 GW: 115 UGW: 105 ]
Created: Thu May 11 08:49:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6akl1b/postbinge_game_plan/
---
So, last night I had a disgusting binge fest instead of doing all the productive things I needed to do. But: instead of purging, I got in bed and took a nap. It was super hard not to throw up but I didn't want to get that cycle going again so I put on my favorite music and fell asleep. When I woke up I was still feeling shitty but decided to do some damage control. I went to the gym and instead of intense exercise, I just walked on the treadmill for over an hour. It was enjoyable, made my stomach settle, and burned a tiny bit of the calories. Then, this morning, I woke up early and did the same thing (for less time sadly). Now I'm at work feeling soooo much better than I usually do after a binge. I don't feel like I'll do it again soon. I'm rambling but the point I suppose is that taking care of yourself after a binge is totally worth it. :)

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[Discussion] Food diary and anxiety
/u/_saisonenenfer [175cm | not thin :( | M]
Created: Thu May 11 07:22:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ak2lv/food_diary_and_anxiety/
---
My psychologist said that i should keep a food diary just for 1 week to try and it terrifies me. I feel so much anxiety and shame that i will just not eat at all. Can anyone relate to this?

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[Discussion] Opinions on ECA Stack for faster fat loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 11 07:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajzzb/opinions_on_eca_stack_for_faster_fat_loss/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 11 06:09:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajozc/weekly_emotional_support_may_11_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 11 06:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajoa3/daily_food_diary_may_11_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Have to go to red lobster for work.. help?
/u/jizzjazzspazz [5'5 | 138lbs | 23 bmi | -20lbs | 19F]
Created: Thu May 11 05:56:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajmur/have_to_go_to_red_lobster_for_work_help/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] No turning back now
/u/Arkhamgel
Created: Thu May 11 05:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajhqn/no_turning_back_now/
---
I've had two coffees instead of lunch, i almost fell down 4 flights of stairs but now that I'm in front of the classroom, there's no way in any reality I'm going back down to grab something to eat. No turning back now. If i die, i die in maths class.

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[Help] Think I whooshed?
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Thu May 11 04:44:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajbud/think_i_whooshed/
---
Well, I'd been at a plateau for like two months and it was so discouraging. I kept yoyoing between the same two kilos no matter how hard I tried to restrict, do cardio, and strength train.
Well yesterday I FINALLY weighed in at 59.5 kilos. I had a bowel movement, but I ended up eating fried foods and cakes the whole day (still ate under my tdee though)
I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 59 kilos!
Holy shit guys, what does it mean?! Is this my whoosh? Is this why I was at a plateau? I don't think it's water weight because I should be retaining water weight if anything from the fried foods from yesterday and my strength training
Omg guys, what do I make of it? If the number is true, I'm only 10 pounds away from my first goal weight!

---

[Rant/Rave] I think running is helping me get better
/u/PM_ME_YOUR_PRBLEMS [5'5 | 160 | 26.94 | -3 | F16]
Created: Thu May 11 04:35:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ajao8/i_think_running_is_helping_me_get_better/
---
Hi everyone, I just wanted to tell someone about my dieting plans and crap so here I am. I really, really think I'm starting to get better. Mostly because of running. Instead of starving myself like I used to, I've been eating 2000 calories a day and burning at least 3000, and I've lost three lbs doing it so far. I feel really happy about that for some reason. Whenever I joined this sub a month(moreless) ago, I was planning on going back to restricting and starving myself, but my school has suddenly come up with a new summer program for all the athletes that we have to go to, and I'm not one of those people who can eat nothing and still workout. I *have* to be eating if I workout. And I also would like to be in better shape for volleyball and track next year, so I've gotten a headstart on running and working out before the summer, and honestly, I have been running so much I haven't even thought about starving myself. Our track team did better this year than it has in decades, so I'm assuming the coach is doing something right, so I plan on trying it again next year. I'm going to keep up my 2000in3000out plan and keep losing weight that way, while also getting in shape. I ran 5 *miles* yesterday, which may not sound like much to some, but I've never ran more than two at once and three altogether, so that was really great for me. Though now I'm sore, lol.

But yeah, I've just been pretty happy and feeling closer to normal lately and I wanted to share. :)

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[Thinspo] My (current) fave thinspo - Nina Dobrev
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 11 04:22:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aj8y6/my_current_fave_thinspo_nina_dobrev/
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https://i.redd.it/1lj9xw0skuwy.jpg

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[Discussion] anyone else look for subtle ed signs in others?
/u/flowenflower [5'2 | CW: 93 | 17.57 | GW: 89 | F]
Created: Thu May 11 02:15:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aitdn/anyone_else_look_for_subtle_ed_signs_in_others/
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i totally did not intend for that title to come off as creepy as it did.

but i've noticed i'll analyse people just because they're doing something peculiar that immediately alarms me as that person having an eating disorder too.

just a few days ago i was coming out of a bathroom while at the mall, and i heard vomiting in the stall next to me. my first thought was to immediately wonder if it was someone purging, and i got curious when i went to wash my hands and they came out of the stall after. i looked at her hand for maybe cut or reddened knuckles, saw nothing, but couldn't help but still be super curious even after i left.

and i can't count the number of times i've seen skinny girls with a whole basket full of junk food.

i still feel sympathetic though even if they're all actually normal because it's a kinda vibe that's like 'hey, if you're suffering too, i totally understand and i hope you stay strong.' and it's like, for me to be destroying myself is one thing, but i actually feel really bad seeing it in others with my own two eyes because i wouldn't wish this on anyone. ( gee, now i wonder if anyone had the same thoughts about me because i don't bother to hide my knuckle scars. )

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Snorting an EC stack
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 11 02:14:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ait81/snorting_an_ec_stack/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My friend doesn't know what bulimia is
/u/Lunar_Heart [61.75 in | 77 lbs | 14.89 | -24ish | f]
Created: Thu May 11 01:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aiqw4/my_friend_doesnt_know_what_bulimia_is/
---
My friend, either truthfully or as some sort of sick joke, acts as if he hasn't the slightest idea what bulimia is. Every time i mention it he asks, "what's that?"

Every time i mention binging, he asks, "what's that?"

Every time i mention purging, he asks "what does that mean?"

He has never heard of bulimia, or so he says. Has never heard of an eating disorder in general. And every time i explain it to him he mersctulously forgets and acts confused again the next time.

I'm so fuckig done.

I'm tempted to start pretending i don't know what diabetes (he's diabetic) is.

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[Help] Need help losing weight
/u/Boorattle12
Created: Thu May 11 00:16:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aie6z/need_help_losing_weight/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Ate too much last night...
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5"|120lb|18.5|-4lb |UGW: 90lb|19NB]
Created: Wed May 10 23:48:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aiahk/ate_too_much_last_night/
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Apparently gained 2lb overnight. Logical part of me knows it's food/water weight, but I've been crying for the last ten minutes. I'm already feeling too depressed to get out of bed, this is just making it worse.

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[Help] I can't stop binging- need some serious advice
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 23:38:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ai902/i_cant_stop_binging_need_some_serious_advice/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Mother's day buffet.....oh god
/u/shorty_pie [5'5 | 162.8 | 27.15 | -7.4 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 23:16:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ai5n0/mothers_day_buffetoh_god/
---
So every year my entire family goes to a Mother's day buffet brunch at a pretty fancy restaurant. Recently, I have finally been able to get my horrific binging under control, and have been slowly losing at around 1100-1300 calories a day. I'm incredibly worried that I'll either lose control and binge, or eat a fairly small amount and get comments about it from my family. I'm also just nervous in general about not being able to know the calorie count, or even just the general ingredients of the things I'm eating. I usually weigh all my food, so the thought of eating unknown quantities is scary. Even if i can guesstimate my intake based on eyeballed portion sizes of things that I can figure out the calories for (fruit, salads without dressing, a veggie omelette from the omelette station) I'm still worried that I'll feel terrible afterwards, or that this will make me spiral back to my binging. I guess I'm just looking for support :/

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[Discussion] "Healthy Skinny Girl Diet"? (discussion)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 23:14:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ai5hd/healthy_skinny_girl_diet_discussion/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Any other guys with EDs feel like you avoid suspicion?
/u/woollyshirt [5'8 | 19M]
Created: Wed May 10 22:27:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahyh6/any_other_guys_with_eds_feel_like_you_avoid/
---
I feel like stereotypes and the poor public knowledge ​about EDs means that people who might suspect something was wrong if I was a girl don't suspect​ anything because they don't think men have eating disorders.

I spent a few days away from home recently (i'm pretty proud i was able to do that tbh) and towards the end of it, a couple of the people I was with started to try and make jokes about the foods I eat. They called me rude and antisocial for not going out to restaurants or for food with them. I got pretty mad about it and didn't just let them insult me (and they ended up going home a little early as a result!) but I really feel like if I was a girl they wouldn't have felt it ok to criticise my food intake so much. I at least partially assumed too that I would be small enough for some people to think something was up and it was weird to not have that recognised either.

Thoughts? I know EDs are pretty invisible in general but their behaviour seemed pretty extreme to me so I wanted to start a discussion about it.

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[Discussion] What's the fastest weight loss you've experienced?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 22:24:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahy4k/whats_the_fastest_weight_loss_youve_experienced/
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[removed]

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[Meme/Humor] BYE
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Wed May 10 21:25:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahotk/bye/
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https://i.redd.it/oluc1lwfiswy.jpg

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Need an Ana buddy/coach!!!!
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Wed May 10 21:18:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahnha/need_an_ana_buddycoach/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] How does 1200 feel like so much?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Wed May 10 20:56:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahjpo/how_does_1200_feel_like_so_much/
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I have always wanted to be someone who could just eat 1200 and lose weight at a moderate pace.

But no. I'm either in a binge cycle where 1200 feels like starving or right now, where a small lunch, small dinner, and cupcake that with huge overestimates come out to 1150 and I feel insanely guilty about eating so much and like a giant pig. What gives???

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[Other] Should I delete my Reddit account to help my eating disorder recovery?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 20:52:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahj20/should_i_delete_my_reddit_account_to_help_my/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Macros [discussion]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 20:43:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahheo/macros_discussion/
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Do any of you track macros? What do you aim for? I just discovered the macros tab on MFP and I'm so excited for a new thing to obsess over

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[Rant/Rave] Vacation anxiety.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 134.8| BMI: 22.70 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 20:14:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ahbnc/vacation_anxiety/
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So im leaving to go to Vegas tonight and im super fucking stressed because i wont be able to weigh myself for 6 days. 6DAYS!!!!

The potential to fuck up and gain while im gone is so high.

Im also going with a large group of people and they will be really suspicious if i dont eat anything at any of the resturaunts we are going to.

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[Rant/Rave] Grandma doesn't understand
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 20:03:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ah9jw/grandma_doesnt_understand/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I ordered a size 4 dress as inspo but when it arrived it already fit!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 19:37:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ah4nv/i_ordered_a_size_4_dress_as_inspo_but_when_it/
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[deleted]

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[Other] [other] this might be super weird for some of you, but here is an ASMR video about eating disorders
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Wed May 10 19:07:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agyvg/other_this_might_be_super_weird_for_some_of_you/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVZ1soLa_F0

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[Other] I just drank 1.5 senna teas, forgot, and then had a mini binge on 7 servings of refried beans.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 99.4| BMI:19.4 l GW 90| -45 l]
Created: Wed May 10 19:03:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agy2h/i_just_drank_15_senna_teas_forgot_and_then_had_a/
---
Pls pray for my butthole




~~^(also lowkey trying to not purge it all up to avoid shitting pain but it would be easy probably and i'm scared of what's going to happen)~~

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[Rant/Rave] Green peppers
/u/thinnmints [4'11 | 157 | -15 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 18:36:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agszk/green_peppers/
---
When I'm feeling super snacky (like now someone shoot me) I tend to go to foods I don't necessarily like. Like green peppers. 30 calories for a whole one, they're not awful so I'll go for them and curbs my random eating urges.

Today was a bad day for me food wise though. My grandfather bought us pizza (so freaking nice) and I caved and had three pieces. Why. Also my store manager brought us donuts today. Again. How freaking nice why.

Yesterday was so good though! Still under budget by 30 today since I went to the gym after work so. Let's hope the calculations are right. Really feeling down on myself though.

How's everyone else doing? Its green peppers for me until the end of time apparently.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Little daydreams and fantasies.
/u/bir_die [🌼 5'8" | 105.2 | 15.82 | GW: 111 | 23 Bird 🌼]
Created: Wed May 10 18:21:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agpys/discussion_little_daydreams_and_fantasies/
---
I don't know if anyone else has these little overly-detailed daydreams/fantasies that pretty much revolve around their ED, but I've got one that I think would be super sweet. So I'm going to force it down your throats and expect you to share yours. Okay? Now go! Me first because I'm most important (I'm kidding, I'm like third important).

Basically: opening a little café that specializes in low calorie drinks and foods. To the public it'll look like a ~healthy option~, but it'll essentially be a paradisio for those with EDs. Obviously I'd be open about how small portioning is and how "health conscious" (lol) everything is so no jerkwads on yelp can bitch about it since #murica.

It'd have a little outdoor patio and plants EVERYWHERE. Inside, outside, it'd be green and alive (obviously to contrast the death that's inside of all of us xxx). There'd be a little bathroom that's always super clean and has its own little radio with decent music playing and a lil set-up of baking soda and mouthwash (for sanitation and employees *duh*). All of the seating would be padded all to hell and spacious so everyone would feel smol and comfy.

The menu would have a ton of drinks that are mostly 5 calories, some specialty ones at most 50 or 100 for smoothies and such. Teas, coffees, hot chocolates, lattes, frappes... anything and everything a bitch can make that tastes good and isn't drinking away your calories. Maybe have a late-night drink night with hard alcohol every now and again because #partyon.

It'd be split in 2 sections: safe foods (meals/snacks on the menu that will never be changed or taken off so you won't have to panic that something you feel safe eating will suddenly be gone), and then a rotation chefs special lil menu that showcases little themes and new experimental dishes that hopefully taste amazing. Everything would be as low as possible- the highest being 400 at a large serving. There would be vegan and vegetarian options, of course; things would be clearly marked and most if not all can be adapted to your diet preferences. Everything would have the calories clearly printed along with the highest vitamin content (protein, iron, vitamin a, etc.), and the counts will be as accurate as possible since everything will be measured and weighed the exact same per serving of whatever you order. It'd be the most non-anxiety inducing menu ever.

Plating would be done super gorgeously and on small cute dishes- or elegant if it suits the meal (a la /u/dumplingmeister). If requested, little cards with the exact nutritional information can be provided with the plating so you can be confident in your macro logs. And if you really, really love something you get- there will be a little jar with paper and pens so you can write down what you ordered and your e-mail/phone number so I could send you the recipe to make at home. It'll also include a little vote for the chefs menu if you'd like one of the temporary dishes to be featured again or added to the safe/permanent menu. Or even suggestions or recipes you'd want to share, yourself. And tips because you love me. And of course, all information would be available online.

And I would stock both Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke because I understand cola loyalty. ❤️

It'd just be a really casual, nice and safe place for anyone wanting a place to go out without having to stress out about what to order or their daily goal. A little haven where no-one would care if you just got a coffee or had something to eat because everything would be healthy (or not since I would have a billion dessert options) and as low calorie and calculated as possible. Heaven on earth. ☺️

If I was rich I'd make it happen in a heartbeat, but I doubt it'd exactly bring much of a profit... at least where I'm at now. Maybe in a bigger city, eh??? Denser population of hipsters and ED folk?? Who knows. It's a dream.

So okay, your turn. Gimme your lil special thoughts.

---

[Goal] [Goal] low maintenance/low restriction
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 18:14:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agoow/goal_low_maintenancelow_restriction/
---
Im trying for low maintenance bordering on low restriction (about 1200 cals a day). My parents are visiting and I want to appear normalish at least. And I think i also need to prove to myself that I can eat more than I am right now without gaining five thousand pounds or the world ending.
Wish me luck!

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[Rant/Rave] I'm going to have pizza.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.2 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 10 18:09:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agnih/im_going_to_have_pizza/
---
And I'm not going to tell myself I'm a horrible person afterwards. I think this is a good step.

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Extreme Hunger in Eating Disorder Recovery
/u/MHSean1
Created: Wed May 10 17:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aglga/extreme_hunger_in_eating_disorder_recovery/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsUXEk2lVnw&t=12s

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[Help] Is exercise effective for me?
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 17:00:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6agak8/is_exercise_effective_for_me/
---
maybe this isn't help, sorry, but i have a question. i eat around 500 calories a day and work 250~ off playing just dance, running, and doing those workout videos on youtube that feature cardio/aerobics. the problem is, i think i'm gaining muscle. aren't these things all supposed to burn fat? i'm an ex gymnast so i had/have MASSIVE thighs and calves and i think they're coming back. my goal is to look frail, it's all i want, and i feel like this is backpedaling.

can someone help me out? what exercises won't make my legs bigger? maybe i should restrict more and stop exercising ): i'm so upset, my (tiny) thigh gap has disappeared but the scale has stayed the same

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[Rant/Rave] "You need to stop hurting yourself"
/u/lunamoon1 [5'5.25 | cw+bmi 104.2 / 17.21 | hw: 167 |19f]
Created: Wed May 10 16:39:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ag6f7/you_need_to_stop_hurting_yourself/
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I use laxatives on a daily basis on top of restricting (I know it isn't a great thing but I guess it's my eating disorder voice telling me to do it) and pooped blood. I understand why(been given billion forms) it happened but when i told my mum(we're super close), she got angry and went to bed. Around 10 minutes later she texted me

"You need to stop hurting yourself" with love heart emoji and a few kisses. it broke my heart when I got this text as it just hit me that not only im hurting myself, people around me recognise the fact i have an issue. I love my parents so much however it doesn't faze me at all what im doing to my body and want to lose more weight.

fuck eating disorders man :(

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[Rant/Rave] I crashed my bike and hurt too much to exercise and it's making me feel shit
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Wed May 10 16:25:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ag3pb/i_crashed_my_bike_and_hurt_too_much_to_exercise/
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Yeah basically that.

I have to get the train to work tomorrow now and I hate not being able to deal with the lack of calorie burning 😩

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[Help] Vegetarian Protein Sources (low cal preferred)
/u/whitegoldwaves
Created: Wed May 10 14:12:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6afag6/vegetarian_protein_sources_low_cal_preferred/
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I've been vegetarian for a little while and I've noticed that my protein intake has dropped dramatically. Given that I'm less concerned with being tiny and more concerned with being strong and slim, I need protein for muscles.

I want to like tofu but don't. I try cooking it differently to no avail.

I really hate egg whites.

I don't know what to do. I know I should just eat egg whites but I've always refused to eat food that doesn't taste good. So, uh, help?

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[Other] I'm classed as Skinny fat
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Wed May 10 14:02:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6af8bm/im_classed_as_skinny_fat/
---
Lost over 45lbs, and I'm a ~22 BMI.

Now I am skinny fat, my tummy/behind sticks out, and although I'm healthy, I'm not looking my best. I staring to really hate not being able to eat more than 1000 calories(1100-900 as 10% over or under is ok IMO), but every time I pick up something I shouldn't I feel like if I eat it, I'll go back to my old fat self.

I'm trying to avoid my chewing and spitting issue, but if I binge on something I feel horrible for going over my calorie limit if I swallow it. I'm going to try and get skinny, as going fat is unappealing to most girls, and being Skinny Fat is still fat and is also unappealing right? I have leg muscles, but no girls care about this, but I'm fast (ish) and have good stamina.

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[Discussion] List of triggers for loved ones
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Wed May 10 13:21:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aeywx/list_of_triggers_for_loved_ones/
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Would anyone else be interested in helping me compile a list of things that can be really triggering and difficult for people with Eating Disorders? I've been struggling a lot lately with explaining to my boyfriend what things can be hard for me that might not be as hard for people not struggling with EDs. I don't want to feel like a nag and kind of wish there was a list I could show him that would kind of explain why they are so hard? Idk if that makes sense.

But things on my list would be..

Encouraging me to "eat healthy foods" instead of not eating if I want to lose weight (anxiety over having food in my stomach isn't solely about weight loss)

Making me drink water right after purging (I will puke up the water and can have a heart attack)

Eating without me when we were supposed to eat together (I've been fasting all day for this and now I won't eat)

Changing restaurants/ingredients/what he made for dinner without telling me (I have to frantically recalculate)

Cancelling plans to go out or wanting to eat out impromptu (I need like a week to prepare)



Anything else people can think of??

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[Discussion] What do you want people to think when you reach your gw?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 12:38:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aep87/what_do_you_want_people_to_think_when_you_reach/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Friend didn't turn up for drinks... Can take those alcohol calories back! [Rant/Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Wed May 10 12:24:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aelyq/friend_didnt_turn_up_for_drinks_can_take_those/
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Pissed off that my friend stood me up (or at the very least is very very late), but on the bright side I had allotted 300kcal for rum and diet Coke (about three single rums?) and now can take those calories back.

Wish she had messaged me though, I have work in the morning and could really do with routine as opposed to being stressed out waiting on a street corner. 😥

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[Rant/Rave] My fitness-buff s/o is secretly talking to a really fit girl.
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 122.2 lbs | 29F]
Created: Wed May 10 12:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aejny/my_fitnessbuff_so_is_secretly_talking_to_a_really/
---
For a solid 2 months I was doing kind of okay. I wasn't restricting, really. I was trying to just eat vegan and exercise daily without calorie counting... and, to be honest, I was still counting calories, I just wasn't tracking them in an app. And I revved up my exercise way more. Anyway. I gained like 3 pounds and was feeling really down on myself.

And, if any of you remember me, I am the girl with the really fitness obsessed boyfriend who openly encourages borderline ED behavior (despite knowing my ED past constantly asks if what I'm eating fits into my calorie plan or my diet, frequently encourages exercise, openly despises fat people, etc).

Well, he works at a gym. And I just found out a few days ago that he's been messaging the (female) personal trainer who works there. Who is small, and thin, with giant boobs and these big doe eyes and long hair and she *doesn't* have teeth that are all fucked up from puking up everything she ate as a teenager.

I only know he's talking to her because I logged into his instagram on my phone and read their messages and so far they are still relatively innocent, and everything is in that SO very obvious stage where each person sets the other up to make the first move (For example: "I could never see you being 'bad'") and messaging each other first thing in the morning (literally at 6am).

Cut to today where I'm on day two of restricting to 600 calories, and snapping at him and being an outright BITCH for every. single. thing. because I can't bring up that I know, because technically they aren't doing anything untoward. So right now I know I'm overreacting, because nothing is happening, and I feel guilty for snooping, and for kind of wishing she'd get hit by a truck. And I also feel really ashamed of the fact that the FIRST thing I did when I found out... was throw away what I was eating. I feel sad and cliched and, above all else, stupid.

---

[Goal] Fasting for dress fittings
/u/clara1992 [5'2" | CW 118lbs | GW 101 | - 12lbs | 24F]
Created: Wed May 10 11:57:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aefp2/fasting_for_dress_fittings/
---
I usually eat about 900 cals a day (I know that's a lot to some of you, however I have very busy job/senior management and can't *afford* to be unfocused), and I have hit a plateau. I wanted to be 120 by now, and 119 by next week, and I have been stuck at 122 for a week now!

So I will be completing a 3 day fast to nudge the scale. It's not a complete fast. I am allowing myself 4 things a day - a) plain black coffee b) two red apples c) lemon water.

Reasons for fasting:
1) I am having a lunch with family on Sunday, and I want to be able to eat "normally" in front of them. I want balance out the excess calories to be consumed.

2) My parents + boyfriend (haven't seen them in 2 months) are coming into town and we are going dress shopping where they will take measurements. I don't want to be a fat pig for this.

Goals for the fast:
1) Lose 2lbs
2) Stick to foods allowed
3) Update here daily

Rewards:
- $500 shopping spree!

~~ Sorry for the long post, this is really to keep myself accountable. Updates to come!

---

[Rant/Rave] "life-as-a-loon will eat anything!"
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Wed May 10 11:57:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aefmx/lifeasaloon_will_eat_anything/
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FML.

I planned on getting my usual 300 cal salad for lunch today, and then realized that I only have $2. I called my sort-of-boyfriend and asked him to bring me my chicken and beans leftovers from last night. He said he would be here in 10 min. (I work a couple miles from where we live.) I went out to the car and he had a friggin CHEESESTEAK. What the fuck. His explanation? "I had already ordered the cheesesteak for lunch and I was actually there picking it up already when you texted me. I figured, life-as-a-loon will eat anything!" Wow. Great. Like I wasn't already feeling like total shit today. Then he wanted to eat it right then and now. So I basically just at the meat and cheese and maybe like 25% or less of the bread and picked the rest off. UGH!!! I already wanted to fast till dinner today but we're working out later so I figured I had better eat something healthy before exercising...yeah right. Just thinking about lunch was giving me anxiety and then this happened. Why do I even bother.

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[Discussion] "Healthy" fear food of yours?
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'2 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Wed May 10 11:34:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aea68/healthy_fear_food_of_yours/
---
Hi /r/proED!

I have been lurking here a while and have commented but yet to make a post. So, HI :) You all seem like such a welcoming and lovely bunch of people <3.

I just wanted to know, what is a food that you fear and avoid like the plague but that most people would consider healthy or normal?

For me, its bananas. And sweet potatoes. Also avocado oh god.

---

[Rant/Rave] When you mean to binge, but accidentally fall asleep before you get the chance.
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | 123.0 | BMI 19.93 | GW: 115]
Created: Wed May 10 11:33:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aea16/when_you_mean_to_binge_but_accidentally_fall/
---
So yesterday was pretty mentally draining, but I was doing so well with not eating too much. Therapy was intense and left me bummed so I went for a walk and a smoke with my pup. I felt great when I came home, but then my mom was stressing me out complaining about my brother's shit relationships and my dead dad.

I ended up binging pretty bad and I meant to purge, but I laid down for a second and fell right asleep. I woke up feeling super bloated and pissed at myself so now I'm just trying to pep talk myself into not eating any more until dinner.

I'm pissed 'cause I would be totally fine today and for the rest of the weekend if I just didn't fall asleep

---

[Help] Bodyweight exercises!
/u/Feliciorem [5'7" | 130 | 20.3 | GW: 115]
Created: Wed May 10 11:30:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ae95o/bodyweight_exercises/
---
I've got exams coming up, which means that at the moment I'm forced into being very sedentary, since I'm kind of strapped for spare time. So rather than wasting time travelling to the gym, I figured I'd work out at home until exams are over.

I'm looking for recommendations for bodyweight exercises that you like or find have helped you in terms of strength and/or body composition. I know that I'm not gonna make much (if any) progress on a big deficit, but I'd like to avoid muscle loss if I can, and the best way to do that is staying active. Plus, calorie burn.

I already do the following:

* Lunges
* Push ups
* Squats
* Planks
* Reverse crunches

I'm sort of running out of ideas for anything else. I do bodyweight exercises while I watch an episode of a show, so about 40 minutes? And these don't last me anywhere near that long, so I'd love suggestions for more stuff to do.

Thanks!

---

[Discussion] If we had r/proED Superlatives, what would yours or another users be?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Wed May 10 11:24:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ae7zl/if_we_had_rproed_superlatives_what_would_yours_or/
---
Y'all remember Senior Superlatives? Like, Most Likely to Succeed, Best Smile, Class Clown, all that shit?

What would ours be?

---

[Rant/Rave] Apple tarts
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Wed May 10 10:08:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6adq8b/apple_tarts/
---
I just b/p on 2 apple tarts. I haven't b/p'd in so long I forgot how much it hurts my face. Uhhh I graduate on the 13th and I'm freaking out. I'm not at my goal weight and my boyfriends mom has lost 18 pounds. I was like "what how did she do that?!" My bf was like well she works out. My ED brain took it as I'm a piece of shit for not working out right now. Uhhhh I'm going to have chipmunk cheeks for graduation.

---

[Help] Pot smokers: how do you avoid the munchies?
/u/humandumpsterfire [5'8" | 150 | 22.7 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed May 10 09:57:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6adnqt/pot_smokers_how_do_you_avoid_the_munchies/
---
Hope this post is allowed. I'm kind of at a loss.

So recently I began smoking marijuana to help with my depression and anxiety. It has been like night and day. I feel so much happier and actually enjoy going out with friends/doing things. Whereas before, I could barely drag myself out of bed every day.

The problem is that I sometimes get EXTREME munchies when I'm stoned. I have never been much of a binge eater, and now it's all going to shit. I'll binge eat the weirdest/unhealthy stuff. Last night I ate half a pizza with a friend, and then went home and ate two cans of tomato soup. I woke up today so bloated :(

I really don't want to give up using marijuana because I really do feel happier and more productive, but I don't know how to control my munchies :(

Does anyone have advice for controlling these zombie binges?

---

[Discussion] DAE feel nauseated when hungry?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 09:40:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6adjwk/dae_feel_nauseated_when_hungry/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] People noticing lower food intake
/u/Skillfulturtl3 [5'8"|CW:118|BMI:17.68|GW:100|M]
Created: Wed May 10 09:31:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6adhnk/people_noticing_lower_food_intake/
---
[removed]

---

Fasting tips
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 09:30:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6adhf5/fasting_tips/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] JUST WASTED ALL MY CALORIES FOR THE DAY ON DONUTS
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 10 09:21:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6adfis/just_wasted_all_my_calories_for_the_day_on_donuts/
---
Goddamn my nice coworkers, they brought in a ton of donuts. I've been doing well the last few days (trying to undo the pizza massacre the other day) and then this. I have no self control. Just going to go home and sleep the rest of the day so I don't shove my face even more.

/Good job, dufus.

(Cant flair, sorry mods)

---

[Rant/Rave] Went to an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet and didn't eat any
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | BMI 21.3 | GW<115lbs | -68lbs | F 24]
Created: Wed May 10 09:10:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6add28/went_to_an_allyoucaneat_pizza_buffet_and_didnt/
---
I am so fucking proud of myself and it wasnt even a struggle. I normally avoid social things because I hate eating in front of anybody, but this was unavoidable. Told myself these arbitrary rules like I'll just have some salad but it must be a small plate, I must leave some on the plate, and I can only have one plate - AND I STUCK TO IT. I had about 5 bites and was done, and I was ecstatic with myself. Pizza is a huge trigger for me because I used to b/p exclusively on it, and I fucking looked it in its face all night feeling so superior.

Ignore this post, I'm just happy.

---

[Discussion] What's the most eff'd up thing you've done in life.. ED related or not
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Wed May 10 08:53:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ad931/whats_the_most_effd_up_thing_youve_done_in_life/
---
Mine is having baby fever so bad I purposefully put my bfs juice in my when he wasn't looking :/

---

[Discussion] My bf left for 10 days and...
/u/kafka__dreams
Created: Wed May 10 07:48:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6acv2l/my_bf_left_for_10_days_and/
---
I only lost 2lbs that I can tell because I got my period and I'm so bloated :l ohh well.

---

[Help] Tomorrow I have to eat "crumbed whiting fillets with beer battered chips" off the kids menu of a restaurant.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 10 07:09:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6acn8t/tomorrow_i_have_to_eat_crumbed_whiting_fillets/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Boss ordered group lunch today
/u/CatchTheWhale
Created: Wed May 10 06:21:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6acet0/boss_ordered_group_lunch_today/
---
My boss orders a company lunch today as a thank you to us employees. I knew about it yesterday but kind of freaked out this morning when i remembered because i don't want to be rude but i seriously just don't like eating and i over eat when i do and I knew I'd get nauseous.

Then i remembered that i have somewhere to be at that time so i won't even be at work! Dodged.

But they do this kind of thing kind of frequently. Any suggestions hour to gracefully turn down a free lunch?

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 10 06:07:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6accdu/way_to_go_wednesday_may_10_2017/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 10, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 10 06:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6acc0e/daily_food_diary_may_10_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Thinspo] Kim Raver
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Wed May 10 05:59:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6acb2v/kim_raver/
---
http://imgur.com/a/cs2vm

---

[Discussion] What's your personal "recipe" for a grocery store treat?
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 114.4 | GW 💀]
Created: Wed May 10 05:36:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ac7mh/whats_your_personal_recipe_for_a_grocery_store/
---
I've learned so many awesome treat "recipes" from you guys- like heating up a cookie dough Quest bar for some warm cooke dough taste... eating a 100 cal yoplait whip vanilla cupcake flavor when I'm craving icing or cake... or Greek yogurt dippers with veggies when I'm craving chips and dip.


I want to know more!! What's your favorite diet treat you've discovered for when you're craving something else but still restricting??


Mine is: cut a Larry & Lenny's Complete Cookie in a quarter or a half and heat it up in the toaster oven for just a few minutes. Warm gooey chocolate chip cookie for 90-180 cals and lots of protein! :)

---

[Help] Help! Looking for an old ED blogger
/u/smokski
Created: Wed May 10 02:56:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6abmd6/help_looking_for_an_old_ed_blogger/
---
Hi hi,

Somebody popped into my mind this morning that I haven't thought about in years.. An older anorexic called Natalie (I think!).

She appeared on an English documentary in the 2000s about long term effects of eating disorders. I used to read her blog as well, I THINK it was called 'Natalie: a life starved'???

Anyone know who I mean? I'm desperately looking for her - I remember she was a doctor once and she had to eat these frozen protein things because her body couldn't digest anymore.

Any help is massively appreciated x

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I wanted to have a chill night
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 143.2 | 20.4 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Wed May 10 00:01:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ab106/rant_i_wanted_to_have_a_chill_night/
---
On mobile so can't actually flair. Also, NSFW for drug mention?



I took edibles (same dose, same time) with my skinny boyfriend and his friend and after an hour, they're both giggling on the couch and chowing down on pizza and I'm here, sober. Completely sober. And now my boyfriend's like "don't worry babe you just have a slow metabolism and I have a fast one, you'll feel it soon! Or maybe it's just taking a long time because you ate a lot beforehand!"



So now I'm just sad and anxious because what if I *do* have a slow metabolism and have to work way harder to lose weight? Or what if I can't feel the edibles because there's too much food in my stomach? That's the fucking worst. Also, I've been staring at the pizza for 20 minutes and I want to eat it so badly but I also just want to purge because I'm stressed. All I wanted was to have a happy, chill night, which is *why we had edibles*, but haha no I'm fat and sad and sober.

---

[Rant/Rave] "Do you think im gaining weight?" "...a little" [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 23:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aayxt/do_you_think_im_gaining_weight_a_little_rant/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] Filling ass 370 cal meal at Applebee's
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Tue May 9 23:14:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aauk5/rave_filling_ass_370_cal_meal_at_applebees/
---
I am hyyyype I usually dread sit-down restaurants, and Applebee's in general just because it's gross, but I found a meal that's totally guilt-free and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna take my mom there and Mother's Day to dodge a bullet (classy I know, I'm a great daughter. /sarcasm)

The create-your-own griller option!!!!

Grilled chicken breast: 190
Two sides of steamed broccoli instead of two different sides: 180

This might be a stupid post but it really is a large meal to me and I was very pleasantly surprised when I was reading the menu.

---

[Intro] guess i should introduce myself
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 110 | 20 | -29 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 23:07:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aatkj/guess_i_should_introduce_myself/
---
I'm 16 years old. I have depression, possibly OCD on top of that. So yeah, lots of self hatred. Some of it unwarranted, I'll concede.

I started dieting, healthfully, and went from 139 to 115 in 6 months ish. I felt great. Everyone noticed my improvement. I was always the fat unathletic kid in PE that was left behind, and then I turned into the kid that runs for *fun*. Imagine that.

Recently my obsessive thoughts started focusing on my weight and food. I can't go an hour without thinking about food. I body check all the fucking time. When I start hating myself, I cut off a planned meal from MFP as punishment. I'm trying my best to not restrict. I'm trying my best to stay healthy. I really am. And most days, I manage.

Maybe my case isn't as bad as most people here. But that's exactly why I can't fucking seek help IRL. I'll come off so attention seeking. I don't want attention. I just wanna stop this on its tracks before I actually get the guts to hurt myself. But nobody fucking gets it.

I'm in so much pain mentally trying to quiet down the thoughts. I can't catch a break. And I'm expected to do all this shit for senior year *while* I want to starve myself and vanish so I don't have to be here when all my mistakes catch up to me.

I can't do this. I just can't.

I just wish I could eat in peace again.

I'm so sorry for the rant.

---

[Help] Mom wants to go to lunch tomorrow
/u/lumosxnox
Created: Tue May 9 22:59:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aasbs/mom_wants_to_go_to_lunch_tomorrow/
---
My mom wants to go get lunch tomorrow after my psychiatrist appointment. I internally freaked out when she asked where I wanted to go to lunch and just blurted out Panera because it seemed the safest (other places being Chick-Fil-A, Olive Garden, IHOP, Steak 'n Shake, etc). I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself at any of those places (steak n shake spicy chicken sandwiches and milkshakes are crack to me and would have killed my calorie goals).
I'm considering just getting a cup of chicken soup (110) or a cappuccino (130). What do you order from Panera (if you go there)?

---

[Discussion] "Tips/tricks" that piss you off/make you laugh with how dumb they are.
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Tue May 9 22:46:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aaqhb/tipstricks_that_piss_you_offmake_you_laugh_with/
---
Every single time I wind up on a pro-ana site I wind up depressed thinking about vulnerable ED newbies reading bullshit or cracking up with how ridiculous some of the "tips" are.

* "When dining out, no matter what the waiter says about the fat or calorie content of food assume everything is covered with butter, even the silverware." Is it weird that I trust some things? I dunno. Acting as if the silverware has butter on it is too much crazy even for me.

* "Taking more than the recommended dose of kelp makes you feel sick and you don't have to try and restrict ... not sure about the safety aspect of this tip though" Overdosing on kelp fucks with your thyroid and [has a 50/50 chance of weight loss or gain.](http://www.livestrong.com/article/413828-signs-symptoms-of-kelp-overdose/) Don't try it.

* "4 100-calorie meals is better than one 400-calorie meal." [citation needed] I mean, it's still 400 calories at the end of the day. May or may not keep you fuller. Depends on what the 100/400 calories is.

* "Go vegan!" OREOs though.

Anyone else got some bullshit to debunk?

---

[Discussion] Does your family/friends treat you differently once they knew you had an ED?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 22:39:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aapg7/does_your_familyfriends_treat_you_differently/
---
Oh and i am on mobile so idk how to flair this?

I struggle with anorexia & apprently it is obvious. I did not really
think it was but my family & friends sure let me know how unhealthy I looked. Since than I get watched like a hawk every time food is around or it is time for a meal. I get scolded for ordering water and salads. Hearing *You need to eat more than just lettuce*or *You do not have to worry about what you eat* it can be unnerving sometimes since I am the type or person who would rather keep my struggles to myself. It has caused me to isolate myself from people out of fear of being judged or confronted.
Just wondering how you all cope with people close to you if they know about your ED?

---

[Rant/Rave] reflections
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 98lbs]
Created: Tue May 9 21:48:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aah9s/reflections/
---
i remember the last time i attempted a good old fashioned binge and purge session after being decently recovered. it was probably around six months ago. (s/o) was going to be out of town overnight for work. this was my chance to do it, maybe to see if i still liked it, or got some kind of enjoyment out of it. i was struggling with my sobriety and i wanted some of that sweet, sweet dopamine release. i went to walmart to score that evening.

a painfully familiar feeling of anxiety and guilt overtook me as i quickly made my rounds through the bakery section, then the bread aisle, the cookies n junk aisle, and the frozen foods section. as if everybody there was staring at my cart knowing what i was going to do with my selections. i used the self check out.

when i got home, i locked the door behind me and immediately preheated the oven for my frozen pizza. normally when i eat, i like the setting to be ideal. i like a good tv show to accompany my meal along with a cold glass of water. binges aren’t like this. i kept the house silent so i could hear every movement in or outside my apartment. while the pizza cooked, i opened up a package of those puffy, colorful iced sugar cookies. they tasted good, but my anxiety over somehow being caught was ruining everything for me. every sound was amplified. i never left the kitchen, and i faced the door the entire time.

by the time my pizza was ready, the whole situation became unenjoyable for me. my guilt, shame, paranoia, and anxiety was overwhelming. i ate about 22 dollars worth of my 30 dollars of food, periodically purging several times, because i was afraid of filling my stomach up entirely the way i used to. then i got a garbage bag, stuffed it with the remaining binge food and any trace of it’s existence, and tossed it in the communal dumpster outside my apartment building.

after that night, i knew i couldn’t ever do that again

---

[Goal] Lost 10 lbs!
/u/MidnightBlueFox [5'5 | CW: 140lbs | BMI: 23 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Tue May 9 21:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aabhn/lost_10_lbs/
---
[removed]

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[Help] It's all over
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Tue May 9 21:12:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aabbl/its_all_over/
---
My boyfriend figured it all out and is making me eat

I had to tell him we can't have sex for a couple weeks because I screwed up my birth control, and he pushed long enough for me to admit I had thrown up after taking it and that it was intentional.

He's been perceptive and had suspicions I think but has never pushed me to change or confronted me. Today he said I have to eat dinner and that I'm not allowed to just not eat.

He's a super health nut and seems to think it's just about me being fat, and kept saying that there are better ways to lose weight (even though I know he doesn't want me to) and that he promises he will make me something healthy.

I had to explain to him that it isn't just that, but that the feeing of food in my stomach gives me anxiety. Then he told me again that I had to eat tonight and I broke down sobbing. I think he gets it now.

I'm scared. I don't know if I can do this. It feels like forced refeeding when I'm still overweight.

I don't know what to do anymore

---

[Help] Is this even possible?
/u/kaliolis
Created: Tue May 9 21:11:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aaaz3/is_this_even_possible/
---
After two weeks of BINGING on shitty food (average cals I ate during the first week was probably around 4000 cals then I've been eating around 1200-2000 since then) I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP AND TAKE CONTROL OVER MYSELF AGAIN. Before binging so much I weighed at my lowest (51 kg) and I am now currently 57-58 kg! I don't know if that's just water weight combined with gained weight but I need to know whether or not my scales are being outright cunts or not! I'm on a fasting mood right now as well as trying so hard not to be so negative about everything and just start over! :-(

---

[Rant/Rave] Apparently my body is rejecting good choices
/u/txla107 [5'5" | CW:133 lb GW:115 | 21.8 | +10 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 20:31:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aa3tf/apparently_my_body_is_rejecting_good_choices/
---
I've purged almost every day this week. It's been awful. Everything is awful, I feel awful. I told myself I wouldn't purge today (even though I ate banana bread) to try to recover and make sure I don't die from some imbalance.

End up randomly vomiting anyway after I drank some water too fast because I felt dehydrated.

Anybody else had their good intentions ruined by their stupid ~~bodies~~ *flesh prisons*?

---

[Rant/Rave] I found this thing I wrote last year, I have no one to share it w but y'all
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 20:30:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aa3n9/i_found_this_thing_i_wrote_last_year_i_have_no/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I got diagnosed with a fucking thyroid disorder that made me gain 20 fucking lbs in a month and I am seriously suicidal right now
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 20:22:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aa236/i_got_diagnosed_with_a_fucking_thyroid_disorder/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] [Other] This pisses me off
/u/to_bleedis_tolive [67in. | CW: 160/24.97 | GW1: 144; UGW: 121| -31 | 24F]
Created: Tue May 9 20:20:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6aa1s7/other_this_pisses_me_off/
---
The body positivity movement is a-okay in my books for a couple of reasons, one of which is that it does promote higher self-esteem. But I don't think it is a good thing that we say, "you're healthy at any size" -- because that is not true. It just isn't.

Today, I'm at work, and one of the overweight women I work with mentioned that I've been losing weight. (Unrelated- please don't mention my weight loss, people irl. I was obese before. I'm at a 25 bmi now. Notice when I get to the teens. The whole thing is just fucking embarrassing.)


So she sends me this picture. She literally knows NOTHING about me. I see her for maybe 3 hours a week. What the fuck?! "You're beautiful how you were. Now you're skinnier than me!" NO I WAS NOT. I WAS OBESE AND FULL OF SELF-LOATHING AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU." Also to add - this is petty, so sue me: I was always skinnier than you. Even. At. My. Heaviest.

Lol at this picture. Just lol at everything this whole fucking situation entails. I am beyond dumbfounded. Is. This. Real. Life.

http://i.imgur.com/wniGHRT.jpg

ETA: LOL your teeth are bones. What?? That's like telling me the sky is blue. Irrelevant.

---

[Discussion] What weird food ritual do you have?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Tue May 9 20:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9zog/what_weird_food_ritual_do_you_have/
---
So I was eating my fiftieth frozen burrito this year and couldn't find my scissors.

Why do I need scissors? To open the package? No... Not even close.

For some reason I can't eat my burrito unless I cut it into three pieces with scissors first, two ends and a middle. I eat it end, middle, end so I have no idea why I do it in the first place.

---

[Rant/Rave] don't upvote please just a rant
/u/Catsorbras
Created: Tue May 9 19:49:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9w0p/dont_upvote_please_just_a_rant/
---
105 lbs. This is the number I see on the scale today.

Over the course of my finals weeks binge eating, I gained 7lbs.

There are 7 days more before exams are over, and a few more before I go home. I am dreading my parents seeing me and remarking on my weight gain. They always think I am a bit on the skinny side, and they are not aware of my ED-tendencies, so they don't mean any harm by it. Still, I am worried. I will see my other relatives too, and since we are Asian, my weight is bound to come up.

I want to lose all those pounds before I go home. But in 10 days, and my exams? It is impossible. I did the math. I can fast for every single day from now on and it still won't be enough.

Is it bad that I miss everyone saying how I have grown thinner since I last saw them?

I am just feeling awful now. I am complaining, yet I just had loads of midnight snacks today. Also, there is another exam but I have been procrastinating on that also. FML.

---

They brought cupcakes to work.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 19:14:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9p3b/they_brought_cupcakes_to_work/
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[deleted]

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[Other] |Other| Not technically ED related, but this song has been helping me through a rough spot recently
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Tue May 9 18:58:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9m38/other_not_technically_ed_related_but_this_song/
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https://youtu.be/hpHi5pe4hDA

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[Rant/Rave] Mini (sad) win
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Tue May 9 18:52:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9l28/mini_sad_win/
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I ate 6 cookies today & have officially ran out of snack food in my room!! I also ran out of eggs, which gives me the perfect excuse to start a liquid fast on this final week before I close out my second year at college & head home for the summer!!

It's one of those things where I hate myself for eating SIX cookies, but at the same time happy because it's given me a fresh start? I feel shitty, yet hopeful!! And I got my coke zero in bed with me ready to begin!!

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo: @eatglitter on Instagram
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 18:30:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9gwc/daily_thinspo_eatglitter_on_instagram/
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https://i.redd.it/v4bw2an8ikwy.jpg

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[Tip] Daily food staples
/u/popsofsweetness
Created: Tue May 9 18:27:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9gbi/daily_food_staples/
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Hey everyone. What are your diet saviours that keep you going?

I find high protein works for me.
I like to buy/rotate store bought salads with the calories on the label. I have one for dinner most days

Green apples are awesome for feeling full and helping digestion

Roasted chickpeas (I buy pre packed ones for 90 calories). These are so dry and take forever to eat

Coffeeeeee


Packs of cooked meat - low calorie and filling

Cottage cheese is so filling

Would be great to know what you have for dinners

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[Rant/Rave] Could use some support...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 17:59:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a9aua/could_use_some_support/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Having a really hard time feeling unwanted and I don't know what to do
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 17:42:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a97pj/having_a_really_hard_time_feeling_unwanted_and_i/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Broke a 2 day fast with McDonald's
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5"|120lb|18.5|-4lb |UGW: 90lb|19NB]
Created: Tue May 9 16:03:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a8n9e/broke_a_2_day_fast_with_mcdonalds/
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Not sure how to flair this. I just need some support.

I hate myself for cracking. I had like 3/4 of a Spicy Veggie Deluxe burger, large fries, and an Oreo McFlurry. I'm walking home now (almost there) and I'm trying so hard not to burst into tears.

I just want to be thin and pretty and perfect.

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How do you guys get your stats in green at the top by your username? I'm new to Reddit.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 15:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a8jx1/how_do_you_guys_get_your_stats_in_green_at_the/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I stole my sisters chocolates
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 118 | 17.75 | 32lbs]
Created: Tue May 9 15:47:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a8j2n/i_stole_my_sisters_chocolates/
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On mobile cant flair (should be flaired as rant).

In an unsurprising turn of events I had 2 good days and then thought I might have a bowl of cereal which naturally turned into a binge. 4 bowls and a slice of toast later and I'm compulsively eating my sisters chocolates that she got for Christmas she's been saving in a drawer next to her bed. Chocolate tastes so fucking good holy fucking shit I was not prepared.

I am a terrible sister.

Can't even fast it off tomorrow because I have to go for a cream tea with my nan... Just what I needed... Even more fucking calories.

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[Help] Fasting suddenly makes me super nauseous
/u/Princess_FudderDudd
Created: Tue May 9 15:15:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a8c5a/fasting_suddenly_makes_me_super_nauseous/
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I used to be able to fast easily until dinner time, if not longer. But in the past few weeks I get so nauseous and eating doesn't even end up helping that much. I thought at first that it was my add medication making me nauseous. When I take it I almost always do​ intermittent fasting. But today I didn't take it, fasted, and I'm dying of nausea. Online I read excess stomach acid will cause nausea but why suddenly now? I've​ been doing intermittent fasting for years and always been fine :( anyone else experience this?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm never going to be comfortable in my own skin.. so what am I trying for ?? [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 14:47:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a85vy/im_never_going_to_be_comfortable_in_my_own_skin/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] The problem has always been me
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 14:44:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a859o/the_problem_has_always_been_me/
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Whilst walking home today, I passed a young girl (around 4/5) whose dress nearly reached her ankles because it was probably the only size that she could fit in. I'm not sure about other places, but in the U.K. junior clothing come in ages (like 10-11 and 4-5) so it's impossible to 'go up a size', and seeing this girl who had to reach up to hold the buggy handle so overweight she looked like a mini planet was most likely wearing the biggest size sold made me realise something about myself I've never thought about.
The juniors were never 'sized too small', it was me. I was too big. I had to start wearing UK 12s around 9-10 because I could never shop in the junior section since everything was too small whereas my older sister (who's 13 years older than me) still shopped there in her mid 20s, and probably still does. Hell, she had to stop borrowing my clothes when I was around 10 because they're too big for her.
I've always been the issue; my family has always had weight issues so it's no surprise their unhealthy eating habits have rubbed off on me, but I'm working towards being ""healthier""

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so excited
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Tue May 9 13:45:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a7rl6/im_so_excited/
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I just checked on losertown and it said that if I eat 600 cals everyday I'll be at my GW of 99 4 days before my birthday!! Holy shit!! I've been eating 800 cals everyday for a while now so hopefully I can eat 600 consistently without binging. I'm so happy 😁 99 pounds will be the best birthday present I could ever ask for.

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[Goal] I think I'm finally getting over this
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 58.4| ♂ |]
Created: Tue May 9 13:42:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a7qv0/i_think_im_finally_getting_over_this/
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Over 15 kg lost and over a year of binging, purging, fasting, restricting. Women don't want boys who look like they can't even stand up without snapping. I don't want to be this grossly skeletal, I want to be fit, strong and muscular.

I must overcome this or die trying.

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[Intro] The tiny bird in the ED beast
/u/Cheshire_TheCat [183cm | 58.5kg | 17.4 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 13:33:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a7ok2/the_tiny_bird_in_the_ed_beast/
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I'm new to this subreddit and i have been lurking here for a few days now. Reading all of your posts makes me feel very understood and like i'm not not alone.

I was wondering if anyone else feels like there's two sides to you: the real you and the ED you. For me it feels like most of me is this giant fat ED beast which is basically in control of everything i do. And then deep inside this monster is this tiny bird which has almost no say in what happens and this is the real me, the me that is scared to death by how powerless she is. For example, when i faint that tiny side of me is so scared of what happens, scared of losing my senses and control of my movements while the ED side of me is so happy with the fact that i fainted because this means that i ate well today and i will lose more weight. The more this side grows and gains control, the more scared the other side of me gets and it feels like that side is screaming for help and recovery. But this side is such a small part of me that 99% of me is happy with how things are going and will absolutely not get any help, not while i'm still this terribly fat.

It just feels like a tiny helpless and frightened bird is trapped in side of me just watching my body and mind get destroyed. Does anyone feel the same way or does anyone have another story about how their ED feels?

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[Rant/Rave] My friend just made my year.
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Tue May 9 12:34:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a7bvp/my_friend_just_made_my_year/
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On mobile can't flair (rant/rave).

My boyfriend was saying to my friend that when I ask "do I look fat in this?" he usually says "yes" (he says it as a joke cos he's a cruel mofo), and my friend said to him "that would never be true anyway, invincibletitan33 could never look fat in anything".

My bf told me this earlier and it made my day, if not my whole year. 😊

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[Rant/Rave] hey i'm in the drive thru FUCKIN AGAIN
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Tue May 9 12:28:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a7aim/hey_im_in_the_drive_thru_fuckin_again/
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if this is getting annoying please tell me but i'm almost done with finals and i think i just bombed the one i took this morning so that's ideal

i'm at whataburger this time because not only am i trash i am southern trash

can we talk about the spicy ketchup tho

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[Discussion] Is anyone else weirdly jealous of how EASY it is for obese people to lose weight?
/u/skinnyvlatte [5'7" | CW 137 | GW 120 | UGW 105]
Created: Tue May 9 12:18:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a784p/is_anyone_else_weirdly_jealous_of_how_easy_it_is/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I gained 3.5 lbs of fat in 2 days of vacation
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 11:14:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a6stp/i_gained_35_lbs_of_fat_in_2_days_of_vacation/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My roommate told me I have the best collarbones he's ever seen.
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:122 | 18.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 11:12:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a6sev/my_roommate_told_me_i_have_the_best_collarbones/
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At first I was like omg yes! But then I was like, wait is that something guys actually notice??

And then afterwards I felt like 'ahh yes, this compliment is even more meaningful because he's from Korea where there are loads of skinny small framed women' and then I thought 'wait what constitutes good collarbones in his mind? Maybe he likes them for the opposite reason that I'd like them, like he thinks they're not prominent and that's a good thing to him?'

I don't know.

Weirdest compliment I've ever gotten.

And it also felt weird that I reacted so strongly in my head to it.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] don't belong here
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Tue May 9 10:23:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a6ged/rant_dont_belong_here/
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Someone recently commented on a post that it's not unhealthy to be eating 1000 calories a day and it got quite a few upvotes so I'm now realizing I'm not sick enough to be here with you guys. I'm healthy apparently so I guess it's not my place to be in a community for people with eating disorders. Thanks for the support while I was here. I'll go be healthy elsewhere

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[Thinspo] (mostly) pale and pastel thinspo
/u/strawberrysweeet [5'11 | CW: kms | UGW:130 | 19F]
Created: Tue May 9 08:39:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a5ssu/mostly_pale_and_pastel_thinspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/unQdQ

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[Help] Feeling out of control with BF
/u/popsofsweetness
Created: Tue May 9 08:17:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a5o3m/feeling_out_of_control_with_bf/
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I have really struggled to prevent binges for years. My family understood and didn't keep certain foods in the house, as a way of supporting me.

My boyfriend of 5 years disagrees and feels that my family were making me worse by not keeping dangerous food items around.

We live together and I have gained 15lbs since moving in with him. It's such a pain in the ass and i've been trying to lose it for so long. I'll have like 6 good days and then a really bad binge. So although I don't gain anything, I just maintain this stupid weight.

What can I do to prevent these binges? The binges are highly distressing, as many of you know, and I can't take it anymore. It's not even about the weight. It's about the awful weekly ordeal and psychological duress that i'm going through.

I can't stop him from keeping all these foods in the house. But what can I do to prevent these incidents?

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[Discussion] Anyone else who wouldn't choose to like/love/accept their current body?
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 08:15:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a5nmy/anyone_else_who_wouldnt_choose_to_likeloveaccept/
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There was a post recently about feeling jealousy toward people who love their body how it is. Does anyone else not feel that way at all? If I could magically flip some switch that made me totally okay with my current body, I would never do it. I'm terrified of anything that could improve my body image because I don't want to accept myself at this size. I don't feel like I've "earned the right" to love my body. When I reach my UGW, I will have earned that right (I know this is obviously dumb and there's like ~0% chance I will actually ever love my body). My perfectionism and self-hatred fuel me.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I tried to eat normally. I just, can't. I hate how out of control I feel. Like a pig.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 9 07:38:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a5fx5/rant_i_tried_to_eat_normally_i_just_cant_i_hate/
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I hate it. I hate how I can eat so much in one sitting. So many calories. I hate how other people eat so nonchalantly. I hate how out of control I feel. It feels good to be hungry, to know I have will power even when no one else does. I feel strong and powerful. But then I binge. I've come too far to take orders from a cookie. But I did and it sucks. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sorry for the rant guys. :/

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[Help] Can I EC stack with Monster?
/u/YourChinaDoll
Created: Tue May 9 07:09:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a5ac2/can_i_ec_stack_with_monster/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What's a food you allow yourself to have on shitty days where shit just sucks?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 50kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Tue May 9 06:28:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a532u/whats_a_food_you_allow_yourself_to_have_on_shitty/
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- I make myself an omelette and have two slices of toast.
- I bake cinnamon rolls and eat only one.
- I have a cup of soda or anything fizzy.
- I make two slices of French toast with lots of maple syrup.

Not all at the same time, but those are normally the choices I go with.

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[Rant/Rave] The evil that is granola
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Tue May 9 06:27:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a52xt/the_evil_that_is_granola/
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I don't get why so many people think granola is healthy?? My mom buys GIANT bags of it all the time and it's so freaking delicious. She's trying to eat healthy so she keeps on buying more and more of it. It's always in the kitchen and it's my number one binge food 🙂🙂. I would go for a 1000cal bowl of granola with milk than typical junk food any day.

Someone save me

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[Help] Can working out/being active cause you to put on "weight"?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Tue May 9 06:25:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a52iw/can_working_outbeing_active_cause_you_to_put_on/
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Okay so most of last week (Sunday-Thursday) I stayed under 600 cals a day, usually closer to 500. I got to 143 and I was feeling great. Had my binging under control finally! Then the weekend came and I was depressed and "binged" for a few days (still stayed at or below maintenance calories except Sunday) but countered it with intense exercise. I usually am super super sedentary. My BMR is 1400 for reference.

I weighed 143 on Thursday and this morning I weighed 148.5. I'm freaking out because not only did I lose control and eat so much shit over the weekend, but I put on the weight I lost. I want to just fast for three days now to even things out but I don't know what's causing this weight gain.

Here's what I ate/did for reference:

Friday - 1400 cals, 300 cals burned on the elliptical, 1100 net - 300 under BMR

Saturday - 926 cals, 650 burned during 2.5 hours of intense hiking, 276 net - 1100 under BMR

Sunday - 1800 cals, 100 burned during 2 hours of intense household cleaning, 1700 net - 300 over BMR

Monday - 1450 cals, 250 burned during 2.5 hours at Ikea + cleaning at home, 1200 net - 200 under BMR

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 9 06:06:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a4zeh/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_09_2017/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 9 06:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a4z3l/daily_food_diary_may_09_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Tip] Audio thinspo/motivation?
/u/ChemicalVial [5'8 | 150 | 21.4 | -33 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 06:01:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a4yhj/audio_thinspomotivation/
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Hi everyone!

I was wondering if you have any suggestions for thinspo or just motivation to listen to. I'm working the most boring part-time job ever now, but we are allowed to listen to our own music.

I was thinking audiobooks, music, podcasts, anything really. Anything related to gaining more confidence or being happier in my own skin would also be great!

Thank you so much! <3

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[Discussion] Has anyone else's disorder changed over the years?
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Tue May 9 05:11:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a4qh1/has_anyone_elses_disorder_changed_over_the_years/
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I was originally diagnosed with bulimia when I was 14 and struggled with that for a long time, I'm 18 now and I feel like my disorder has switched to anorexia instead as I haven't binged or purged in over a year and a half, I just restrict and have lost a lot of weight.
Should I get re-diagnosed to get the accurate help I need? Has anyone else had a drastic change in habits?

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[Rant/Rave] Nervous AF
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Tue May 9 04:04:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a4hlz/nervous_af/
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Tomorrow (Weds) I'm going to a teacher's house with a group of girls from my school. It's a thing my school organizes every few months. Whatever - anyways, the last time I went, she had chocolate chip cookies that were SO GOOD I literally had 8 of them (EIGHT. OF. THEM.) and I felt so disgusted with myself after.

I'm just nervous that I'm not going to be able to control myself again. I already ate a lot more than planned today and I'm sure I miscalculated calories so it's closer to like 1000 instead of 600, and I just am so nervous. I can't control myself around cookies. UGH I WISH I COULD JUST FUCKING HYPNOTIZE MYSELF INTO HATING EVERY COOKIE AND CAKE EVER

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[Discussion] Logging calories when b/ping?
/u/NonesuchCat [5'2 | CW: 114 | -46 | GW: 104 | F]
Created: Tue May 9 03:57:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a4gnp/logging_calories_when_bping/
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So... How do you log calories when you binge and purge? Do you log the total for the binge? I used to log the whole binge but lately I've been bingeing a lot more and logging all the calories just seems to be totally inaccurate, so I log maybe half or a quarter instead. I would love a more accurate calorie count but honestly it's impossible because I have no idea how much I'm purging. I'm just interested to see what other people do.

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[Help] This is weird, but...
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Mon May 8 23:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a3m99/this_is_weird_but/
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On mobile no flair - maybe "advice"

So long story short I've been invited to a dinner hosted by a Belgian ambassador. There will be a lot of people there and obviously not eating could be construed as rude. The invite says "typical Belgian cuisine" - does anyone have any idea what that could mean? Also I can't fast all day because I'm studying for exams. What would you do? Currently plan is to try find a balance between eating and pushing food around. I've also thought about purging but I am 1) 7 days 'clean' and 2) by the time I get home it will probably be pointless. I'm just puzzled. I know I'll gain just because of the mass of food but I don't want to be thrown off cos I'm doing really well lately. What do you think of avoiding the scale for 2 days and just drinking a shit ton of water? Would that be long enough for the damage to clear? I've worked out that I can eat about 400 calories before the dinner so in a worst case scenario (hoping dinner is less) I guess I have a buffer of 1300 to reach maintenance.

Fuck listen to me. When did I become this person and why is this so terrifying? :(

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[Tip] Advice
/u/broemon7
Created: Mon May 8 23:47:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a3m2r/advice/
---
[removed]

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[Meme/Humor] Dreamt of binging
/u/juniper5572 [170cm | GW 57kg | F]
Created: Mon May 8 23:41:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a3l7z/dreamt_of_binging/
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I literally dreamt of gorging myself on cake, biscuits, chips etc. last night.
When I woke up I couldn't remember if it was real or not, so I got the guilt of binging without the (dubious) joy of actually eating. 🙃 Brain y u do dis

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[Rant/Rave] When the finals weight gain is obvious to myself (and the bf)
/u/Latina_mia [5'2 | 140.6 | 26.64 | SW:164 | GW1:130 | -23.4 lbs |20F]
Created: Mon May 8 22:09:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a37in/when_the_finals_weight_gain_is_obvious_to_myself/
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I've been binge-eating these past two weeks (really, since mid-April, but that's beside the point), and I've had very few opportunities to purge because studying nonstop for finals with my squad means they're always around me and would notice long absences. My flair definitely isn't updated; I'm around 140, though I've been 138 on a good day.

Even if no one else is saying it, I've seen that weight gain. 5 pounds of solid fat on me is very obvious on my short stature. I've been trying to call it maintaining for the sake of my sanity, but even when the scale has stayed at 138 for a few days, my mirror hasn't lied to me.

Anyways, I went to an amazing pizza place today with the bf and consumed 3 slices of thick, chicken-pesto-ricotta pizza. As I was walking out of the pizzeria, I caught a glimpse of my bloated, chubby-cheeked face. I told my bf that my cheeks were getting really chubby and that it was so obvious.

I asked him to be honest and to please tell me. He said that he had noticed but it was very little and during finals week. He said he noticed because my chest gets bigger when I gain weight, and he said that my belly rolls were coming back but that it didn't matter.

To be perfectly frank, it hurt. Not as much as it would've been if I had been in denial, but still. At the same time, I was really happy he told me because he had been helping me keep accountable of my snacking and started running with me before finals. It meant a lot that he can be so honest with me.

------------------------
tl;dr Gaining weight b/c of finals. Noticed, pointed it out to bf, and he said he noticed because belly rolls are coming back. Kinda hurt but not mad b/c of honesty.

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[Discussion] Dae argue with themselves in front of the toilet
/u/Willowsatine
Created: Mon May 8 21:58:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a35rv/dae_argue_with_themselves_in_front_of_the_toilet/
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Like try to talk themselves out of throwing up

---

[Help] Is 1500 a plausible maintenance for a 5'3.5" tall person?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 20:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a2l3p/is_1500_a_plausible_maintenance_for_a_535_tall/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Why my sister is awesome! [Rave]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 19:42:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a2hhm/why_my_sister_is_awesome_rave/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] So I just tried on my huge shorts from a couple of years ago...
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Mon May 8 19:39:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a2h1o/so_i_just_tried_on_my_huge_shorts_from_a_couple/
---
They fit. Not only do they fit, they fit snugly. I am so disgusted and ashamed of myself, they were laughably big on me just a few months ago, I had to hold them on my hips otherwise they would just fall to the floor but now I'm that size again. Ugh.

Mods please flair this as 'ew'.


EDIT: So I told my boyfriend about it because I'm upset and he's who I go to for support, and he just completely brushed me off, telling me he was sure I was only exaggurating :( I need hugs guys, but only virtual ones cos if you come near me you'll probably get trapped in the gravitational pull caused by the sheer size of me.

---

[Rant/Rave] "Are you still 200 lbs?"
/u/dungeonmasterbater
Created: Mon May 8 19:10:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a2bfw/are_you_still_200_lbs/
---
Occasionally someone will mention that I've lost weight and ask me about my weight loss. I don't mention purging or restricting obviously but I hard press CICO and say I started at 200 lbs.
On two separate occasions I was asked, "Are you still 200 lbs?" Both by obese people so it really made me queasy. What if they saw my body and their body as similar?
It makes me really want to purge right that moment. I get nervous that I didn't actually lose weight and that someone has been messing with all my scales (even the one at the doctors).
I mean I know that I'm not near my goal weight yet but I feel like I'm obviously well below 200.
Then I wish I never mentioned calories in vs. calories out because I'm afraid they'll think it doesn't work because obviously it's not working for me.
I told myself it was sodium bloat or bulimia face but I know I'm lying to myself and I'm still exactly where I started. 200 lbs and a miserable slob.
My heart won't stop racing.

---

[Help] I need support
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Mon May 8 18:37:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a25d3/i_need_support/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] I feel like my ED makes me a better person...
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Mon May 8 18:36:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a254a/i_feel_like_my_ed_makes_me_a_better_person/
---
And that's probably problematic lol. But I feel like I listen to people more, instead of trying to relate what they're saying back to me if that makes sense? Examples:
1. My sister was talking about how my dad comments on her weight and I was going to say something about how he used to do that for me but instead I just offered her support and kept that to myself
2. or when I get angry or upset at someone I don't say anything because I feel like when I keep things in it's fuel for my ED and it prevents arguments lol.
3. I feel much more focused and disciplined in my ED mode? I am hyper focused on school and working out and cleaning and being on top of things. (Probably b/c I want to distract myself from how much I hate myself 🙃 )
ETA: I'm not trying to romanticize EDs. In the end of the day. All of this is very harmful I know
Idk if any of this makes sense. Mostly just a ramble sorry.

---

[Rant/Rave] Severe anxiety over being cajoled into eating pizza
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Mon May 8 17:40:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a1u4w/severe_anxiety_over_being_cajoled_into_eating/
---
More anxiety because it isn't in any fitness apps so trying to estimate calorie count is difficult.

Even more anxiety because I can't just say no... didn't want to deal with the fallout and repercussions of *not* eating, since I think the restaurant was a test or something to see if I'm eating.

Bonus anxiety points for the extra calories from beer I drank because I wanted to numb the anxiety. If beer was zero calorie it would have worked. It *did* work until the sober part of my brain said "hey by the way that was an extra 300 calories."

Can't wait until I live on my own again and don't have to put up with people breathing down my goddamn neck about when I eat. Fuck.

---

[Discussion] Best calorie tracking/dieting app?
/u/sophsoph17
Created: Mon May 8 17:11:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a1ofl/best_calorie_trackingdieting_app/
---
I see my fitness pal referenced over and over on here. When I search in the apple App Store, I don't find an app just called that, I do however see Calorie Counter and Diet Tracker by My Fitness Pal. Is that the one you guys use?

Are there any others you prefer? Any out there that allow for setting a daily calorie goal really low?

I don't care much about finding an app that accurately tracks exercise, with a broken leg I really can't do much exercise at all for the time being.

Thanks in advance your input and hope everyone is having a wonderful day :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Lol @ED logic
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.2 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Mon May 8 17:07:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a1nq6/lol_ed_logic/
---
I want someone to notice I'm hurting. I want someone to be concerned but not make me uncomfortable or force me to stop losing weight. I want to be thin enough that it's not like "good for you! How'd you do it?" But more of a "are you sick? Have you eaten today?" Idk. My brain doesn't make any sense.

---

[Discussion] What is the best compliment you've ever received?
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 23F]
Created: Mon May 8 16:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a1f3s/what_is_the_best_compliment_youve_ever_received/
---
This could be about your body or anything really. Whatever comes to mind. I just want a breath of positivity! :)

For me, a college roommate once told me that I had the perfect body and was jealous that I could eat whatever I liked without it effecting me.

Haha... ha... ha... Good thing "whatever I like" is rice cakes and black coffee and unholy amounts of cabbage!

How about you?

---

[Rant/Rave] Fasting.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon May 8 15:43:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a165u/fasting/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Mental Illness and Spirituality (Epic Illustrations)
/u/Nyorekof
Created: Mon May 8 14:18:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a0nai/mental_illness_and_spirituality_epic_illustrations/
---
http://www.psychologyandi.com/mental-illness-and-spirituality-epic-illustrations/

---

[Other] When you don't know if your symptoms are from fasting or organ failure [humor not really]
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Mon May 8 14:08:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a0kvp/when_you_dont_know_if_your_symptoms_are_from/
---
Edema. Chest pain. Dizziness. Shortness of breath. Clammy palms.

EC stack or congestive heart failure? Functioning on no sleep or liver damage? Fasting side effects, or are my kidneys shutting down? *Laxative spree or unadulterated death??*

Please take care of yourselves. This is your weekly PSA that eating disorders can be kill you, and I would hate to lose any of you wonderful humans.

---

[Help] Bronkaid question
/u/lunarian7
Created: Mon May 8 14:00:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a0j1s/bronkaid_question/
---
[removed]

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. 15 hours into my fast. Going for 72.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon May 8 13:46:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a0fro/daily_thinspo_15_hours_into_my_fast_going_for_72/
---
https://i.redd.it/rjyu1b5lybwy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] The deadline is now and I have failed yet again
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Mon May 8 13:15:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a08u5/the_deadline_is_now_and_i_have_failed_yet_again/
---
I graduate in 11 days and move in 17 days and wanted to be 100.
I even adjusted to being happy at 110.

I'm forever stuck at 118.6 and forever going to be hovering 120 because I have no self control. I'm not good enough and I don't know why I ever thought this would be okay.

I know when I failed. I know the exact moment beginning of April that's when the all time high anxiety depression hit so I stopped working out. I started speaking words of "I don't need to cardio. I can still be fine by just eating dinner"

I wish I could go back to April me and tell me how disappointed I would be. That I should know better. How did I let myself get to this. I'm so close but so ducking far away.

Alas I am never good enough and never sick enough and just plain never enough.


It doesn't matter anyways I'll probably just balloon up after the move.

---

[Discussion] Hoarding Food?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 12:57:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6a04nz/hoarding_food/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant ]Peanut Butter Jelly sandwiches will be the death of me
/u/rawtruism [5'2 | cw: 106 lbs | gw: 88 lbs]
Created: Mon May 8 12:16:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69zv28/rant_peanut_butter_jelly_sandwiches_will_be_the/
---
(There's no point to this post honestly, I just want to rant)

I was out shopping today but I was WAYYY too tired to be shopping. I bought 3 litres of plant milk bc they were on sale. Which is good. But then I kind of just wandered around looking for something else, for some reason. Anything that would be good. I think I wanted to get bread, cucumber and mixed salad so I could make sandwiches for school, but I am apparently too stupid when I'm tired to make decisions that'll benefit me.

I bought white bread, peanut butter and raspberry jam :( Got home, ate 6 (SIX !!!!) PBJ sandwiches and now I'm !! in such a bad mood. It wasn't too long ago that I was doing somewhat fine, leaning towards 45 kg, maybe even lower, not really giving much thought to whether I liked my body or not. But now I've lost all of my self control!! Leaning towards 50 kg if not over already, constantly stuffing my face with unnecessary amounts, hating myself every time I catch a glimpse in the mirror.

I'm so angry. My friend has even noticed how much I talk about getting fat. I do it jokingly though (although not a joke, of course) so I don't think she thinks of it as anything other than me being me and content. Idk. The guy I'm fucking wants to get together soon, as do I, but we started fucking when I was around 45 kg and not eating too much and I just can't stand the thought of him seeing me like this. ugh idk I just wanted to rant. These days are shit. I'll turn it around somehow. I know I'm capable.

I hope you're all doing better than I am !! x

---

[Discussion] Caffeine addiction?
/u/ruralfishingcat [5'5 | 122 | 20.5 | - 5 | 21 F]
Created: Mon May 8 11:49:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69zovp/caffeine_addiction/
---
It's not even noon and I've already had three cups of coffee. Even before all this eating stuff I had a caffeine addiction but I think this is only adding to it. What's the most cups of coffee you guys have had in a day? (Or other caffeinated drinks). Mine was 8 cups of black coffee during my high school coffee addiction lol

---

[Help] How do I ask for bronkaid :/ ?
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Mon May 8 11:32:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69zkov/how_do_i_ask_for_bronkaid/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] What's something you can't believe you used to eat without anxiety?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Mon May 8 11:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69zej4/whats_something_you_cant_believe_you_used_to_eat/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69zej4/whats_something_you_cant_believe_you_used_to_eat/

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Post your cravings here instead of eating them!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 10:27:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69z5io/discussion_post_your_cravings_here_instead_of/
---
Post your cravings here, and then forget about them. No eating anything on this list!! Here's mine:

Chicken Parmesan 🍝

Spaghetti and meatballs 🍝

Cinnamon Toast Crunch 🥛

Banana bread 🍞🍌🍯

Kids Cuisine Meals 🍴

Potato Salad 🥔🥗

PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA 🍕

cheesecake 🎂

Sushi 🍣

Iced Lemon Loaf 🍞🍯🍋

Gingerbread men🥛

Mike and Ike original 🍬

Chocolate chip cookie dough 🍪

Steak Tacos 🌮

Watermelon cupcakes 🍰🍉

---

[Rant/Rave] When the psychiatrist says, "Let us know if any of the eating disorder behavior becomes problematic."
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Mon May 8 09:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yyft/when_the_psychiatrist_says_let_us_know_if_any_of/
---
"Ahahaha totally of course!" yeah right.

The psychiatrist I'm seeing for depression knows about my ED past and brought it up. They even weigh you so they know I've lost weight but I'm totally not relapsing *nervous laughter*

Can't flair sorry!

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo: when I'm tempted I watch Girl, Interrupted because Susanna is my life
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Mon May 8 09:55:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yy6o/thinspo_when_im_tempted_i_watch_girl_interrupted/
---
https://i.redd.it/jvakqaxdtawy.jpg

---

[Discussion] what's maintenance like?
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 122 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon May 8 09:22:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yqmf/whats_maintenance_like/
---
so I've been thinking about what maintenance would be like (not that I'm close to my UGW, but imagining eating at a maintenance amount of calories keeps me motivated to stickwith restriction for now so that I can get to that point). how did you guys find it at first? I imagine the initial water weight/food weight can be a bit shocking, and that it takes a while for the weight to stabilise after eating at maintenance? is it mentally really tough to keep going when your weight has gone up a bit due to food and water weight, or does it get easier?

thanks for any answers, hope everyone's doing well today :) x

---

[Rant/Rave] The one time I actually get weighed....
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Mon May 8 09:16:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ypcu/the_one_time_i_actually_get_weighed/
---
On mobile can't flair (rant).

So I haven't been using my scales cos it's a piece of shit which gives me wildly different readings and also I haven't bought a new battery yet.

So I haven't known how much I weigh for about a month now.

Today I went for an asthma review. And the nurse weighed me. She told me to stand on the scales. And I wanted to take off my shoes but she said to keep them on cos they're 'light'.

I was 53.6kg. 😡 ffs, the one time that I could've found out my 'real' weight!

If I'd known she wanted to weigh me...I mean, it's 3pm and I'd just eaten lunch and had a giant smoothie, was wearing a big jumper and shoes and also I really needed to pee....fml.

Taking away those things, I can safely say that I actually weigh at least 1kg less....right....?

I really just need justification that the restriction I've been doing isn't in vain 😢

---

How long does it take to lose weight when eating under maintenance?
/u/forestfloorpool [170cm + bmi18 + gbmi16 +24f]
Created: Mon May 8 08:51:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yjl7/how_long_does_it_take_to_lose_weight_when_eating/
---
[removed]

---

[Tip] [TIP] Snacks under 50 calories
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 08:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yipu/tip_snacks_under_50_calories/
---
https://i.redd.it/rdezbgl7hawy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Recovery who? What's up my girls!! :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 08:46:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yiiz/recovery_who_whats_up_my_girls/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] [Rant] DAE Feel like the calorie estimates for fruit are so inaccurate???
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 08:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yens/rant_dae_feel_like_the_calorie_estimates_for/
---
When I Google the calories in fruit I'm always scared it's gonna be really inaccurate and end up being way more than I thought. Mostly because it's hard to measure fruit in units of cups when you don't have a scale, because depending on how you cut it more or less fits into the cup. Like today I planned an apple for lunch, and that's supposed to be 95 calories, but when I cut it up it looked so huge and I was scared my apple would be bigger than the estimate.... so I only ate 1/2. I guess I should get a scale lol. DAE relate?

---

[Goal] Does anyone else follow the_southern_yogi on insta? She is pure goals.
/u/thatyarnqueen [5'6" | too much | ~22bmi | 26F]
Created: Mon May 8 08:19:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ycyv/does_anyone_else_follow_the_southern_yogi_on/
---
Following her gives me so much motivation.

http://imgur.com/tCKy1ld

---

[Rant/Rave] Why are people so gross about food??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.2 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Mon May 8 08:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69yaro/why_are_people_so_gross_about_food/
---
I was minding my own business this morning, eating my ten calorie green beans cup, and my coworker goes "That's so gross! It needs bacon fat!" And then she didn't understand why as a vegan I can't eat that. -_- and why would I ruin a healthy snack like that anyway? Ugh.

---

[Tip] Microdosing LSD and binge eating
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 08:06:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ya4g/microdosing_lsd_and_binge_eating/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] maintenance is hard
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Mon May 8 07:55:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69y7xk/rant_maintenance_is_hard/
---
Every day, I'm a mess because I'm trying so hard. I start out every morning super optimistic. Today's the day. I can do this. I am in recovery. But I change my calorie goal in my phone about 6 times a day. Because inevitably, I decide to start restricting again 6 times a day. So far, I've pulled out of it and I've been maintaining the same weight within about 2 pounds since 4/23.

I ate a lot last night. I keep trying to remind myself that I didn't binge, I had a date night. I ate that stuff because we were having a good time. I ate it on purpose. This morning, I really wish I hadn't though.

I just want to lose one or two more pounds but I don't think I can :(

Sorry this is so disjointed

---

[Other] Where do you buy clothing? [Other]
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F 🌼]
Created: Mon May 8 06:47:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69xuyo/where_do_you_buy_clothing_other/
---
Hey guys! I need a hand *desperately*.

I'm in the UK and I'm really struggling to find clothing that fits. My waist is 22", chest 32, hips 32. Not sure what size that makes me.

Where do you get your clothes from? I am wearing a size 6 dress from Miss Selfridge today and it's still too big 😩

Replies from outside the UK are welcome! Most places ship internationally anyway.

💕

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 8 06:05:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69xnyw/weekly_stats_update_may_08_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 08, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 8 06:05:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69xnxz/daily_food_diary_may_08_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Has anyone tried laxatives to help lose weight? I never have but I'm feeling desperate.
/u/onlyiseeme
Created: Mon May 8 05:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69xgq5/has_anyone_tried_laxatives_to_help_lose_weight_i/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I'm very tempted b/p right now after 38 days purge-free. I need to get all my thoughts out and convince myself it's a stupid idea.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 8 04:44:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69xc69/im_very_tempted_bp_right_now_after_38_days/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I am done (for now)
/u/es_0 [167 cm | CW: 53 kg | GW: 47 kg | 19.0 | F | 19]
Created: Mon May 8 04:15:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69x8j8/i_am_done_for_now/
---
I am so done with everything. I keep romanticizing that time two, three years ago where I had everything "under control", the time where it all started, before everything turned to shit with fucking bulimia trying to chime in as well.

I am done with severe restriction, I am done with feeling guilty, I am done with bingeing and I am certainly done with purging. I am done with that toxic obsession with feeling sad and miserable, not allowing myself to feel happy or excited. I am done with hurting myself in every way possible.

I will do what has always scared me the most, I will keep my calories high, I will lose weight the healthy way. I am not calling this recovery, but maybe it's a step into the right direction.

---

[Rant/Rave] Pms has me freaking out
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Mon May 8 04:13:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69x887/pms_has_me_freaking_out/
---
Please mark rant, I'm on mobile 😩😩
I'm pms-ing and I ate pizza two days in a row. I had two king sized candy bars. I AM NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW. I couldn't log the calories bc I was having an anxiety attack over it 😭 today was better but good god I gained weight and I hate myself now. I got into some old clothes but like ???? My scale hates me.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm in a rut, I need to get out
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 152 | GW 120 | -24 | 22F]
Created: Mon May 8 03:35:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69x38m/im_in_a_rut_i_need_to_get_out/
---
I've been stuck in a stupid rut for 2 weeks, feeling so shitty about myself. I've maintained for 2 weeks because I've been restricting for a few days, binging for a few and eating at maintenance for a few. I think getting my period triggered it and since then I've just been feeling so down I've got myself stuck.


I'm going away this weekend and because I've maintained for 2 weeks I'm no where near where I planned to be for this trip. There's a hot tub. I'm going to be the only idiot who won't go in the hot tub. Out of the 3 other girls going, one is so tiny but curvy and looks amazing. One is average and one is slightly bigger than me but she doesn't care. She's happy. Her make up is flawless, she dresses well and she just doesn't care. How do people do that???


My skin is the worst it's ever been. I came off the pill and got an IUD and my skin suffered. I'm taking medication for it but it's not working. I barley want to leave the house because it's so bad. I'm twenty fucking two I'm supposed to be passed acne by now.


I don't have as much money and I wanted/needed for the trip because it's been wasted on takeaway. I have no nice clothes because everything looks shit on me so I haven't bought anything. Urgh I'm just so miserable at the moment and I can't shake it. I want to be happy and carefree but I'm a fat, ugly, socially anxious mess.

I don't even want to go away now. It's going to be hard to restrict around everyone and when I do eat big/proper meals my stomach disagrees straight away now. I've never been more thankful for emetophobia though because there's been so many times I've thought about purging but my phobia seems to put a physical block on it.

I'm sorry that I'm venting but where else can we do it right? I guess I'll carry on trying to restrict and fantasising about the things I'll do when I'm skinny whilst pretending I'm not having an internal breakdown.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else getting weird PMs from random people not on this sub?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Mon May 8 01:00:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69wk1e/anyone_else_getting_weird_pms_from_random_people/
---
I'm getting weird, condescending messages from people outside the sub. Not sure if it's just me or others as well.

Edit: So the guy wrote me again. Apparently he had found me and spoken to me some months ago and was just... following up? Still weird but I suppose it's not random. I didn't have the energy to explain that people on these subs REALLY probably want their privacy. I did explain that congratulating me on eating was like congratulating me on an anal fistula or something else disgusting and embarrassing.

---

[Help] how do i cope with what i did
/u/whyamistillawakeits3
Created: Mon May 8 00:30:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69wg6j/how_do_i_cope_with_what_i_did/
---
So this account is new, but I was on this sub a lot last year. I mostly lurked. I reached my goal weight. 100 pounds. I lost thirty altogether, and I've been maintaining since January. But I just fucked up. Hugely fucked up. I binged, and I don't even know why I did it. On a couple of days since I've been maintaining, I've eaten over my maintenance level calories (1300, I'm only 5' 3.5" and very very sedentary) on mine and my parents' birthdays, but this is the first time since I've started maintaining my weight that I've had an unplanned binge. After my parents went to bed (I still live at home) I snuck into the kitchen and quietly shoved as much food as I could fit into my big fat mouth. I can feel it gurgling in my stomach right now. I swear it almost feels alive, like its got its hands around my throat from the inside and each calorie I ate is pressing its fingers of fat into my throat to try and get outside so it can lump itself onto my skin. I feel sick. I feel sick from the food and sick from the shame. I literally feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, since I'm really trying hard to maintain and I don't really want to start restricting again. But I don't really know where else to post where someone will understand. I just don't know what to do. I thought about trying to purge, but I just can't do it. I feel so sick and ashamed of myself. I'm going to get fat again. This is just the tip of the binge-iceberg, and I see a long slippery slope of calories beneath me. And I don't even know why I did it. I don't even fucking know. I ruined a perfectly good day, and I've ruined tomorrow too, and probably the day after that and mother's day too because I promised to bake my mum a cake but I'm going to be too fucking fat to eat it with her. I should be sleeping right now, but I don't think I'll be able to tonight. I don't want to lie awake in the dark before sleep hits me and think about how I've fucked everything up, how I won't be able to fit into any of my clothes anymore, how I fucking hate myself and my weak willpower and how this is going to be a repeat of before I relapsed and lost all the weight again. Fuck. I can't get fat again. I just can't. Fuck. And I've got to go to school tomorrow. Why the fuck did I just do this.

---

[Discussion] Forgot how much I really burn!
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Mon May 8 00:26:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69wfo2/forgot_how_much_i_really_burn/
---
So I finally bought a new Fitbit after losing mine and then relapsing. Since I've been calculating TDEE I call myself super sedentary because honestly I feel like I am. But I guess I just put out of my mind the fact that I'm a student and walk at least 5 miles almost every day.

Basically the good news is I've been thinking my TDEE was about 1950 but my Fitbit says it's 2300-2500 depending on the day!! I'm not going to eat more but progress just feels more doable now!!

---

[Other] Thank you [Other]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun May 7 23:45:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69waf0/thank_you_other/
---
Before I found this community, I was a mess. I've got aspergers, I don't connect well with people, I need control and I just didn't have any in my life. I had recently broken up with my fiance and I felt like my life was just one heap of crap after another.

This community and all its members have made me feel welcome and filled me with confidence. I love reading your posts and comments and I love how no one here is mean. I feel welcomed and I don't feel judged.

So, I just want to say thank you, and as cheesy as this is, I hope you all have perfect days. You deserve to.

---

[Rant/Rave] I want my control back
/u/EmpressAdrianne [5'10"|CW171|GW~140|F]
Created: Sun May 7 22:54:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69w3e2/i_want_my_control_back/
---
I don't know why happened lately but I've gone off the deep end with food. I was doing so good, making progress towards my goals and finding more ways to secretly restrict but also minimize my discomfort in that time so I'd be less inclined to slip up or get greedy.

In the last week or two, I just lost my mind. Suddenly no amount of eating would ease the hunger pangs, and then I'd be massively upset for ever taking things that far. I was at my LW of 173 and am now 183 about 12 days later!! Purging isn't something I have ever been able to physically succeed in doing so by now I don't bother knowing it's an impossible option. Laxatives are also completely ineffective so I just sit here angry and worried how I'm going to be affected by all this yet again. Things are supposed to come out when your body is done with them but apparently mine didn't get the memo and nothing ever moves. I'm really shocked my stomach pains and endless cramps haven't already set in by now. I know that's kind of TMI but damn what the hell is going on with me?!

I want my cigs back, to make it easier to skip all this hoarding, but it'll permanently scar my face and ruin my cosmetic surgery later this week if I smoke. I want to feel like I'm in charge of my body and not like it's trying to run me. I'm tired of being stuck at home with no friends, wishing I had any distraction that was good enough to make me enjoy life and not completely focus this crisis. Those friends never come and those distractions never happen, but even if all I had was my self-control back I'd feel like I had something.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just a stupid rant about this hell of a disorder
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Sun May 7 22:15:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69vxj4/just_a_stupid_rant_about_this_hell_of_a_disorder/
---
I hate everything about myself because of this stupid fucking eating disorder. If you listed off a random body part, I probably have a reason to hate it. It doesn't matter whether I'm 90 pounds or 110, I'm going to cry over my body anyway. I'm so ashamed of the way my thighs jiggle, my two stupid bright red stretch marks on my stomach and how my ribs aren't clearly visible. I just want to stay at home and hide forever and never have to see another mirror again. I hate anorexia and I hate me. I want to vacuum all the lumpy fat out of me. I want to disappear.

---

[Rant/Rave] Fml when someone asks you if you have an eating disorder as a joke
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F 🌱]
Created: Sun May 7 21:33:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69vqsg/fml_when_someone_asks_you_if_you_have_an_eating/
---
So awkward

I said yes in a joking way because its less suspicious than saying no in a defensive way

Classic

---

[Discussion] Eating unfinished foods (frozen meals, etc)
/u/throwaway-soph [5'5" | 116 | 19.53 | 19F]
Created: Sun May 7 21:23:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69vp7s/eating_unfinished_foods_frozen_meals_etc/
---
Ok, this is really weird, but I'm hoping at least one other person does this. Does anyone else eat frozen foods but not warm them up? I used to do this with veggie burgers, but today I found myself doing this with pizza rolls too. Semi-related, I've done this with uncooked ramen noodles, and I'd rather eat dry cereal than put it in milk. I think it's a control thing and an excuse to nibble at things rather than eat them. It feels less like eating. Can anyone relate?

---

[Thinspo] Ariana Grande Thinspo
/u/blushinggloom
Created: Sun May 7 20:23:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69vf0y/ariana_grande_thinspo/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/c3868a6d5f6848858b2e3b67b342ec5e?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=2f7d061059747856dd57515af89b915b

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] My boss just said I'm skinnier than my co-worker???
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sun May 7 20:08:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69vcc8/rave_my_boss_just_said_im_skinnier_than_my/
---
I accidentally called her a liar for it lmao (I said "haha you don't have to lie to me" and she took a little offense :/) but it feels good. I still think it isn't true but bless her heart. She's sweet. Even if she says my diet soda will cause me cancer Lmao.

---

[Discussion] Obsessive Weigh-ins
/u/THECrew42
Created: Sun May 7 20:05:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69vbuf/obsessive_weighins/
---
Does anyone ever weigh themselves like 6-8 times a day? I always weigh in the mornings, but then like depending on what I've done/eaten that day, I'll keep weighing myself to see if I put on too much and really need to cut back (moreso than usual).

---

Best way to start restriction post long term binging
/u/SadieCakerBaker
Created: Sun May 7 19:52:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69v9m6/best_way_to_start_restriction_post_long_term/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] You know you have a problem when...
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 19:46:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69v8en/you_know_you_have_a_problem_when/
---
... you get angry for your dad walking into the room while youre eating a kind bar because now you have to swallow instead of cs, and then he walks out without picking up or doing anything right after you swallowed.


ugh.

---

[Thinspo] [help] Looking for thinspo of girls with curves?
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 150|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Sun May 7 19:08:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69v1gg/help_looking_for_thinspo_of_girls_with_curves/
---
Sorry, can't tag on mobile!

I'm a lurker of this subreddit and was hoping you guys could help. I love the thinspo, but for me I think I need images of attainable goals. I'm 5'5 and though I don't have a scale I usually hover around 145-150 lbs as of late. Once upon a time I was as low as 104 but for now my gw is 125 lbs. My issue is that I have a butt and wide-hips, and even at my skinniest, I was very curvy. For context, my current measurements are 35-28-45 (inches) - picture to help visualize- https://imgur.com/a/P46oM

I'm a logic-driven person so pictures of girls that are sticks don't inspire me to stay on track. So, does anyone have thinspo of girls with a low hip/waist ratio?

Thanks and hi for the first time, everyone!

---

[Rant/Rave] So close!! [Rant/Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun May 7 18:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ux2x/so_close_rantrave/
---
So, I dipped to 59kg... So close to my goal of 58! Just need to be good this week and next week and we might see some actual progress!

I have these size 26 monki jeans I bought from asos like two years ago. Safe to say that they did not go over my non size 26 butt. Thought I'd try them again on today and they go over my butt! I can't move in them but it's so nice to see that I'm so close to my goal!!

I reckon I'll have to dip below 58kg to my UGW of 52kg to fit in them and breathe but baby steps, right?

---

[Help] Are any of you cold brew experts?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 18:06:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69uqeh/are_any_of_you_cold_brew_experts/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Reasons to maintain. (Part 2)
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 18:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69uqay/reasons_to_maintain_part_2/
---
I've done it. I've reached my GW. My BMI is 16.5.
I need to maintain now, but I keep forgetting why and end up slipping back to below maintenance. I can't even decide what maintenance _is_, for goodness sakes. At time of posting, I consider maintenance 1400.

I can't decide whether I still want to lose/maintain/gain and it's taking up so much mental energy to the point where I can't focus on anything else. I'm sick of it.

So I'm going to make a list here of all the reasons I can think of to maintain, and keep updating it as more come along. This is mostly just a message/'time capsule' to myself, but if you have any more things or comments, you're welcome to add them.

Reasons to maintain:

- To have energy

- To be able to focus on schoolwork

- Not cause others to worry

- Keep my psych content

- Work on a healthier relationship with food

- Be able to exercise

- Hopefully boost my immune system somewhat?

- Stop being so cold

- Remove the worry from my mind of whether I should be losing, maintaining, gaining, etc.

---

Wish my recovery was this easy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 17:59:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69up44/wish_my_recovery_was_this_easy/
---
http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2017/05/07/525568821/my-food-struggle-in-pictures-when-what-i-ate-made-me-good-or-bad?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20170507

---

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend cheated on me
/u/fckinfckface
Created: Sun May 7 17:52:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69unzi/boyfriend_cheated_on_me/
---
And all I can think about is how if I was skinner he wouldn't have lol

---

[Thinspo] [Thinspo] The girl on the right is perfection.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 17:49:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69unf3/thinspo_the_girl_on_the_right_is_perfection/
---
https://i.redd.it/n0zr2c9216wy.jpg

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Attempting a <250 calorie a day restriction for 3 days. Support appreciated!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 17:47:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69umw3/discussion_attempting_a_250_calorie_a_day/
---
[removed]

---

[Meme/Humor] (TW: calories) Bet we'd all ACE this lol.
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Sun May 7 17:41:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ulxb/tw_calories_bet_wed_all_ace_this_lol/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSUtXePw7Aw

---

[Discussion] DAE feel jealousy towards people who are happy with their body?
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Sun May 7 17:20:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ui6f/dae_feel_jealousy_towards_people_who_are_happy/
---
I find myself jealous, when I see other people happy and proud of their bodies, people who wear what they want whether or not they have the "body" for it, people who go about on their lives not worrying their bodies aren't like a fairy's perfect silhoutte, they may be a overweight but it's not a big deal, etc...

I'm so jealous, which makes me feel like a terrible kind of person.

---

[Rant/Rave] Feeling pudgey
/u/Vanillacoke0 [5'9" | 153 | 22.9 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 16:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ue1e/feeling_pudgey/
---
I hate this feeling so much.

Everything just feels gross and pudgey - so bloated.

Had minimal sleep last night so feeling restless.

I just hope I get a good nights sleep and feel even a little less gross in the morning.

Hugs to you all!

---

[Other] Boston meet up?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 16:55:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69udnx/boston_meet_up/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I only lose when I purge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 16:28:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69u8fa/i_only_lose_when_i_purge/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [discussion] dae convince themselves what they're doing is healthy as long as you're eating well?
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Sun May 7 16:23:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69u7k1/discussion_dae_convince_themselves_what_theyre/
---
I know this isn't healthy I know I'm not eating enough. But part of me goes, "Well I'm eating a whole thousand calories most days and all my food is super healthy and I'm making sure to get at least 40g of protein so this actually is healthy." Like it's as if my macros being decent (I tend to eat HCLF I never liked low carb and it's hard as a vegan anyway) and eating a "healthy" amount, which is still way less than anyone should be eating, then I'm perfectly healthy. Am I the only one?

---

[Help] Advice for doing yoga class while fasting/ restricting?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 16:12:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69u5i6/advice_for_doing_yoga_class_while_fasting/
---
This might be a dumb question, but I'm heavily restricting/ fasting and my friend wants to do a yoga class with me tomorrow night. I've only done yoga once before but I remember it being decently exerting, like people were sweating and stuff. It's not hot yoga or anything. Is there anything I should be mindful of and is this recommended to do while eating very little? I'll definitely drink electrolytes and all that!

---

[Rant/Rave] I've been even more of an anxious wreck lately and I have no idea why
/u/milky_toast [🍄 5'1" | 111.8 | 22.06 | -72 | F 🌸]
Created: Sun May 7 15:58:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69u2q0/ive_been_even_more_of_an_anxious_wreck_lately_and/
---
(Sorry, mobile, blah)

Like I don't even know why??? I've had at least one panic attack a day for the past three weeks, and they're literally triggered by nothing??? I constantly feel like EVERYONE hates me, like I'm such a piece of crap and I'm so annoying. I don't even know. The spring semester is over, I work for a public school, and that's almost over, like all of my stress should be melting away?? What the fuck is wrong with my brain? Everything is going great and yet I am an anxious ball of stress constantly?

I'm sorry I just really had to write all of this out.

🤦🏼‍♀️

---

[humor] oh the irony of this ad
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Sun May 7 15:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tzgt/humor_oh_the_irony_of_this_ad/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/aa5a1ec5460049c3bc8c789b7f4a302d?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=1d2968ba978b5c275ce56e421adec09f

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[Discussion] Anyone else love these toddler meals?
/u/saIad_days [5'3 | 106.2 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 15:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tr9w/anyone_else_love_these_toddler_meals/
---
https://i.redd.it/6ttf0wp475wy.png

---

[Meme/Humor] My boyfriend took a bite of my toast and I cried in the dining hall - a memoir
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun May 7 14:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tpun/my_boyfriend_took_a_bite_of_my_toast_and_i_cried/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Bloating 😵
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.2 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Sun May 7 14:54:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tpqs/bloating/
---
I've eaten around 700 calories today, and yet my belly is huuuuge and swollen. What the hell, body!

---

A sign from the universe
/u/phoenix361
Created: Sun May 7 14:41:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tn7e/a_sign_from_the_universe/
---
I've been restricting quite a bit lately and was feeling a little lightheaded at work.

One of the children I work with wrote me a note saying 'it's good for you to eat'. She didn't really mean anything by it. She probably thought she was just being kind by repeating something 'nice' her parents said to her.

It kinda got to me. I know it's just a coincidence and I'm reading too much into it, but it felt like a personal message.

I've been really hard on myself. Maybe I do need to eat properly. I just don't know how to anymore.

---

[Discussion] PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder?
/u/shadows_29 [5'1 | 109 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 14:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tkpz/premenstrual_dysphoric_disorder/
---
Wondering if anyone else notices a matching pattern in their ~fEeLiNgS~ and their cycle (or lack of). I've been keeping track and noticed my crazy switch really flips the day I start to ovulate, even though I'm not regular I can track when the switch flips down to the day. Crazy switch meaning... I want to die, I just went 2 days without ingesting a single calorie/I just ate 2000 calories in 5 minutes, everyone hates me, feeling like an empty black hole, crying because I'm suddenly embarrassed doing things I actually think I'm good at (I NEVER cry), wondering what would happen if I picked up a glass shard on the street, etc. I do have underlying feelings of all the above on the regular, but from ovulation to 2 weeks after I'm a basket case. I also realized I do my best restricting during this time because I get into this mindset. It's more than just PMS mood swings. I'm going to the doctor to see what they think but just wondering if anyone else has heard of this or feel similar.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else love these toddler meals? They're so much cheaper, lower calorie, and lower sodium than things like Lean Cuisines!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 14:13:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69thf0/anyone_else_love_these_toddler_meals_theyre_so/
---
https://i.redd.it/7da5y9v7y4wy.png

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[Rant/Rave] My wakeup call (relapse story)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 14:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tgy0/my_wakeup_call_relapse_story/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE find themselves being especially judgmental of others?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Sun May 7 14:06:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tfwp/dae_find_themselves_being_especially_judgmental/
---
When I'm in a shitty mood (most days), I catch myself judging everyone around me especially when they're eating. Like my own crazy ED thoughts start consuming what I think of others.

"Why would she ever wear shorts with legs like that?"

"Isn't she embarrassed to be eating something so gross in front of people?"

I can't help it, but I know how awful and bitchy my head is being. I never used to think about other people like this, I kept my harsh judgment focused on myself.

Why am I a terrible person now?!?

---

[Discussion] Has anyone's food tastes changed?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 13:44:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69tb5i/has_anyones_food_tastes_changed/
---
I've noticed recently that I haven't touched any binge foods like biscuits, cakes and sweets. I actually didn't notice until I was halfway through a cookie and asked myself if I was enjoying it and realised I didn't.
I felt hungry and even though it would put me over my calorie goal, I told myself I could have something small and grabbed a bowl of fruit when 'something small' used to mean Nutella and pitabread sandwich that would be around 300 kcal or cookies and milk.
So, how have your tastes changed?

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[Discussion] Anyone ever tried 'Slim Diet Noodles'?
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Sun May 7 13:42:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69taq0/anyone_ever_tried_slim_diet_noodles/
---
I got [these](http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/now-slim-diet-noodles-60013145) ages ago and haven't true them yet because I didn't know what to pair them with, a lot of people say they need to be smothered in pasta sauce. They're only 6 calories per serving which is crazy so has anyone tried them? Are they worth it? What do you pair them with?

---

Julie Bowen
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Sun May 7 13:32:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69t8it/julie_bowen/
---
http://imgur.com/a/9xYFi

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[Rant/Rave] Now I have to wait til she's asleep to cry :)
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sun May 7 13:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69t8io/now_i_have_to_wait_til_shes_asleep_to_cry/
---
Me: all my shirts look like they shrunk!! Wtf why are they so small

Roomie: maybe you just got fatter

Thanks. Thanks for the vote of confidence there, buddy.

---

[Tip] Fruit / veggie calorie per gram chart
/u/TopCat1392 [5'4" | 130.6 | 22.86 😫| -4.4 | UGW:92.6 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 13:08:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69t3bg/fruit_veggie_calorie_per_gram_chart/
---
http://www.healthassist.net/food/calories-chart.shtml

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[Other] I OD'ed on my medication...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 12:58:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69t11c/i_oded_on_my_medication/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. How are you guys today?
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun May 7 12:57:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69t0ue/daily_thinspo_how_are_you_guys_today/
---
https://i.redd.it/06nqqzvzk4wy.jpg

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[Discussion] What do you consider a binge?
/u/kipperonis [5'4.5" | CW: 107 | GW: 105 | 20M]
Created: Sun May 7 12:32:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69svav/what_do_you_consider_a_binge/
---
I, for example, don't fit under the clinjcal definition of binging, so my definition is something around the lines of 600Cal in one sitting, which is my ideal maximum for most days.

(I don't mean to undermine people who fit under the clinical definition of binging, not at all. I just want to see how others think.)

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[Discussion] when did you realize you're not 'normal'?
/u/typenaz [5'0| lol]
Created: Sun May 7 11:56:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69sn4v/when_did_you_realize_youre_not_normal/
---
one time I was talking to my friend about ice cream bars. I mentioned how I just wanted to go home and eat a whole box of them and she just looked at me weird and asked 'why?'

I think it was that moment I realized that people don't do that? People can eat normal portions of food and not hate themselves lol

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[Rant/Rave] I broke my a 2 day fast today and I'm trying not to panic.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 11:04:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69scq8/i_broke_my_a_2_day_fast_today_and_im_trying_not/
---
[deleted]

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74lbs
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Sun May 7 09:38:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rvr2/74lbs/
---
http://imgur.com/Cf0wDzM

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[Other] |Other| My new name
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Sun May 7 09:35:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rvbb/other_my_new_name/
---
My dad and I were talking about names that you earn, like in the movie Dances w/ Wolves a woman gets the name Stands with Fist because she stood up for herself by punching someone in the face. He said that if he had to rename me based on something like that, he would call me...


Tiny Plate.


A ha....ahahaha. Get it....cuz I eat exclusively out of kids and side dishes?
He's not wrong, I literally used a soy sauce bowl to hold my nice cream yesterday. I thought it was pretty funny.


What would your new names be based on some defining behavior/characteristic?

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[Other] I am Schrodinger's Fat
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 09:09:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rqbh/i_am_schrodingers_fat/
---
I am fat and I am also not fat. I do not know my weight, I can't judge by the mirror, and until I step on the scale again I am going to continue being simultaneously fat and not fat.

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[Help] having trouble deciding what to order... welp!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 08:44:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rlqk/having_trouble_deciding_what_to_order_welp/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] How often do you guys measure yourselfs?
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 134.8| BMI: 22.70 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 08:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rle1/how_often_do_you_guys_measure_yourselfs/
---
So ya i do it every now and then. i have a detailed on going list of my measurements i take them roughly every 2 weeks.
Sometimes farther apart. Sometimes closer together. Really just whenever i remember / have the courage/motivation to do it.

Also, is it normal to lose up to 1.5 inches in some places but not lose weight in a week?

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[Tip] I think about my GW everyday...
/u/lethalhamartia [5'1 | ? | UGW: 83 |F]
Created: Sun May 7 08:38:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rkn9/i_think_about_my_gw_everyday/
---
https://i.redd.it/st99a9cua3wy.jpg

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[Help] Can someone check over my math?
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Sun May 7 08:08:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69rfbw/can_someone_check_over_my_math/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] Why, hello there! Finally introducing myself!
/u/LowCalorieLipstick [5'4 | CW: 145 | GW:120 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 07:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69r8yu/why_hello_there_finally_introducing_myself/
---
Hi, everybody!! I have been lurking for a short time and I wanted to finally make the dive and introduce myself and let you all know a lil bit about me.
I developed Anorexia at the age of 13 and have struggled with that along with Bulimia for the passed 8 years. About a year ago, I tried to help myself and climb the mountain of getting better. I didn't seek out any professional help because in my family's eyes, I "recovered" about five years ago when my mother had me choose between being an inpatient at a facility, or therapy for however long it took me to recover. I chose therapy and lied my way out, and got a whole lot better at hiding my ED. I didn't want help then, but I couldn't take worrying my family either.

Needless to say, I did pretty well for the most part while trying to do it on my own. I got rid of my scale, and I had been living with my boyfriend in a tiny apartment, making it hard to keep B/P-ing a secret (He knows about my ED but like with my family, I couldn't take watching him worry). We now live in a bigger place, which is so much nicer. I ACTUALLY HAVE SPACE! Lol!

But once I could feel my clothes getting tighter, and outfits I wore a year ago do not fit at all, as well as looking at pictures of me from 1 to 2 years back and seeing that I really have gained too much for me to take any longer. I realized that I still am not ready to let go. I miss when I weighed 108. I miss the empty feeling of fasting. I tried to ignore the stupid voice that told me to weigh myself every morning and night, but I finally listened and crumbled at the sight of what the scale read.

Something else that really hit me was in January one of my friends passed away. She was the first friend I had ever had that shared the same battle as me. We were in it together. We motivated each other. But after some time, she changed. She became... manipulative and.. toxic.. She wasn't herself anymore, but a totally different person. We drifted apart, keeping in touch every once in a great while. I saw her a few months before she passed and could very much see she still battled bulimia while I was trying to get better. Even though we weren't close at the time, when she passed... I don't know. My heart shattered. I had wanted her friendship back into my life, but never knew how to tell her that. And I never got to. But I know she is with me in spirit. And she is free of all of her troubles, but I just wish she was here. I could tell her everything.

So, with all of that said, I am really happy I have found a place that I can say all this and not have to worry about hurting my friends and family. I'm so happy that something I've always tried my best to hide can be out in the open and discussed with all of you who understand just how I feel, I only had one person I could do that with, but she is flying high now. I'm tearing up a little, but I'm just really thankful for all of you even though this is the first time I've said a word! I'm sorry this turned out to be so long, I wanted to keep it simple but I just kept typing on and on! Ugh! I look forward to talking to all of you, and thank you for taking the time to read all this. I've kept it in for too long.

Much love to you all! <3

Edit: formatting

---

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 7 06:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qzo8/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 07, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 7 06:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qywf/daily_food_diary_may_07_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Thinspo] Alexandria Morgan
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Sun May 7 05:47:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qwn0/alexandria_morgan/
---
https://i.redd.it/piu2osu8g2wy.png

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[Help] Up 4lbs overnight?
/u/JOP17 [151cm | 55.9kg | 25.94 | GW: 44kg | Female]
Created: Sun May 7 05:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qt81/up_4lbs_overnight/
---
Apologies if this has been queried before -- and it probably has!

I had a bit of a binge last night. Not LOADS, but way over my deficit. Was 54.4, scale now shows 56.6.

Is this water weight or actual weight, and how does there water weight thing work? Will it come back off? Is it temporary?

Thank you! <3

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[Help] How many calories is this?! HELP- panicking about my dinner entree (penne with mussels and beans / penne cozze ceci)
/u/IdentityCrisis24 [5'2 | CW 87.2 | 15.9 | GW 86? idk | F]
Created: Sun May 7 04:37:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qohk/how_many_calories_is_this_help_panicking_about_my/
---
https://i.redd.it/vx0lcs5p32wy.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE have recovery fantasies?
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Sun May 7 04:31:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qnvs/dae_have_recovery_fantasies/
---
I know someone is going to tell me that this is a sign I should recover, but trust me, every time I look in the mirror, the scale goes up, or I feel I over ate, I feel too disgusting to not do this.

But sometimes I do wonder what I would do if I changed my mind. My biggest recovery fantasy is that I call my pastor in with the loaf of bread & grape juice we use for communion. We then begin to share the meal together and she just listens to how I feel about this disorder, and I get everything out there. Then she shares some encouraging words and reassures me that God still loves me and will help me through it. Then she takes me somewhere (either the lower hall for an event that Sunday, or to the local homeless shelter for soup and bread). The words said varies but that's the gist of it.

Another involves either a long, emotional talk with my boyfriend that follows a similar script with les God-talk (he's agnostic) and more tears. Another just invokes me buying my fear foods, binge eating them and being magically cured. Very occasionally, when I'm particularly fucked up, I'll fantasize about getting hospitalized.

Does anyone else that does this care to share theirs?

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[Discussion] Tell me one thing you like about yourself, an ED confession, and your plans for the day.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 02:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69qa4n/tell_me_one_thing_you_like_about_yourself_an_ed/
---
I know this sub can get slow sometimes and I know I'm not the only one refreshing constantly for new posts. I thought some random discussions can help stir things up a bit. Confessions might be controversial, so play nice.

---

[Discussion] What are your maintenance calories at your goal weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 01:52:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69q790/what_are_your_maintenance_calories_at_your_goal/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I feel like I forget how to restrict and I need a hug
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun May 7 00:28:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pyez/i_feel_like_i_forget_how_to_restrict_and_i_need_a/
---
[deleted]

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Thanks, ED
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 110 | 20 | -29 | F]
Created: Sun May 7 00:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pxk9/thanks_ed/
---
I love music. It's a huge part of my life. I give up sleeping time during my commutes to find new quirks in my favorite songs. I've even tried writing some myself (which of course didn't work because I'm a talentless hack).

Now I can't listen to my favorite K-pop group because all the members are skinnier than me and hearing them makes me want to drop dead.

Right now they're probably working their asses off with intense choreo, while I sit on my fat ass. Making excuses for not going out for a fucking *walk*.

I just never thought I'd hit such a low that I'd project my insecure bullshit on these girls. They didn't do shit to me. If anything, their songs cheered me up when my depression got worse.

I have to resort to blaming other people because I'm too food obsessed to reach 95 pounds like them. That's how fucking pathetic I am.

---

[Intro] [Intro] I've been a lurker and am not even sure I have an ED but...I feel quite comfortable reading the posts here and figured that's not a coincidence.
/u/katsnew
Created: Sat May 6 23:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pus0/intro_ive_been_a_lurker_and_am_not_even_sure_i/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Wtf is this dysmorphia BS???
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat May 6 23:09:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pozq/wtf_is_this_dysmorphia_bs/
---
I'm the same size as my co-worker now (we wear the same size uniform so I know it's not that mine is vanity sized and hers isn't). But i see myself as 10x bigger than she is? Like, I can't even fathom that she is wearing the same size as me. I finally accepted that my weight loss is visible (for months I've felt that it isn't, and sometimes I still believe that I am still as super fat as I was, and not just fat like I am now). But I can't accept that I'm her size.

What. The. Heck. I have literal proof that we are comparable in size. But she seems so much smaller than me?????? Sigh.

What am I supposed to do when all I see in the mirror is fat fat fat.

And my stepmom weighs 20lb more than me and is half an inch but she seems to be much thinner than I am??

And I saw some old pictures of me from when I was my tiniest. I thought I was super fat back then but I can see now that I was pretty thin? But at the time all I saw was fat and I know when I get tinier than that I'll still think I'm fat.

I know it's a typical sign of an ED to see yourself much fatter than you are but like, I never realized how bad I was doing it personally? Like, when my mom was anorexic she would say stuff like she was disgustingly fat and I couldn't understand how she thought she was fat (she's got bad BED now but when I was young she was hospitalized for being anorexic so I saw that stuff first hand). But I do the same thing I guess but I can't fight it with logic like I should be able to??????????

Sorry for the long rant but this is just kind of a big realization. I still see nothing but a disgustingly obese person in the mirror but logically I know that it isn't true but I can't see anything else. What. The. Heck.

---

[Rant/Rave] don't upvote just an angry rant
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sat May 6 22:41:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pl5n/dont_upvote_just_an_angry_rant/
---
I wish I could eat like everyone else does. I wish I could eat some cake at a birthday party or treat myself to take-out without vomiting it all up. For fucks sake I wish I could eat a banana but no, this stupid fucking disorder won't allow me to. I want to go out to lunch with friends and not be exhausted all the time. I want my hair to stay in my head. I want to sleep normally. Everything I do revolves around eating and not eating and when I'm going to eat and what can distract me from eating and what's safe and not safe to eat just FUCK I AM SO TIRED OF IT. I hate it I hate it I hate it but I love it enough that I won't stop. I can't stop restricting and eventually I'll die from it but at least I won't have to do this shit anymore.

I'm tired.

---

[Help] Well, I screwed it all up
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 22:31:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pjuv/well_i_screwed_it_all_up/
---
Sorry I've been posting so much today. It's just been really up and down. This morning I was happy because although my scale still wasn't showing the weight I'm expecting, my measurements were finally what I want them to be. I was riding that high all day and had gotten my calories eaten/calories burned to net -100. I even went shopping and didn't even freak out at myself in the dressing room mirrors. But then I took a nap, and when I woke up, my roommate offered me pizza, and in my half-asleep state I accepted...and accepted...and accepted... until I was four squares of pizza and two red vines in. I took two orlistat (Alli) pills and a bunch of Metamucil to compensate but it's not working yet. I know that I still probably haven't exceeded my BMR today but I still feel like a colossal failure, especially since pretty much all of next week will be a binge for me since my parents will be in town.

I guess tomorrow will be a fast and exercise day, which is fine, but I was hoping that tomorrow would be the day that my scale weight finally matches up with the weight I should be losing based on CICO. I dunno. Just wanted to talk about it but didn't have anyone else to tell. Thanks for listening.

---

little songs about my diseases
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 22:17:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69phsq/little_songs_about_my_diseases/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3-FoKuGVgA

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What the fuck is wrong with me?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 21:51:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pdzp/what_the_fuck_is_wrong_with_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] I dream of the day when I can use my own pictures as thinspo :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 21:31:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69pb0u/i_dream_of_the_day_when_i_can_use_my_own_pictures/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/3fa117764587428d915fef12765814d9?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=32aae4ea009787f3f529a38ba0471fe7

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[Rant/Rave] My best friend, apparently, sucks!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 21:13:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69p89c/my_best_friend_apparently_sucks/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I binged today and I feel like I'm dying
/u/giraffemcmuffins
Created: Sat May 6 21:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69p7jc/i_binged_today_and_i_feel_like_im_dying/
---
So today I ate way more than I should have. I have been sticking to 500 calories a day or less for about two months now (tried recovery but it didn't make a difference in my mind), but today I hit something close to like 2500 and I swear I am crying so bad, I feel disgusting.
I wish eating what normal people eat didn't upset me this bad, I wish I didn't feel like dying because of it. I had seen such progress in myself and now I ruined it all and I feel so upset. I'm such a fat ugly human and I am so fucking disgusted with myself. The lack of control I have is so disappointing and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for being so weak.

---

[Rant/Rave] Food is literally the foundation of every problem
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 21:03:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69p6v4/food_is_literally_the_foundation_of_every_problem/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] DAE fantasise about what they'll eat once they reach their GW?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 19:49:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ovyw/discussion_dae_fantasise_about_what_theyll_eat/
---
I found myself fantasising about eating a banana today and it made me realise how ridiculous I've become. What are your fantasy foods?

Edit: So my roommate brought pizza home and I binged on it. Ironic, isn't it.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Someone today told me I have the perfect body type!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 19:37:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ou0w/rave_someone_today_told_me_i_have_the_perfect/
---
Trying on clothes and a friend told me I look good in anything because I have the perfect body type!! Made my day.

---

I feel like recovery ruined me.
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 19:26:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69osa0/i_feel_like_recovery_ruined_me/
---
On mobile: rant/rave

So, I was doing so well. I lost 40lbs in 5 months, and then intentionally maintained until february for a field course in the bahamas. I was actually starting to like my body.

Then I started purging, which prompted my attempt at recovery. I'm approaching the 130s again, and I tell myself LITERALLY EVERY DAY that today is the day I stop binging. And I actually believe myself every single f*cking day. But guess what? You already know what. Biiiiiiiinge central.

I've lost my ability to restrict. I'll do well for a couple of days, but as soon as I start getting really hungry, I hear my godawful "recovery voice" chime in telling me that I need to eat--- even at ~1200 calories a day, which is SO MUCH for someone who's 5'2". But of course, as soon as I start eating, I can't f*cking stop.

I hate myself so much more than I did before. My self harm is worse than it's been in 8 years. I'm gaining weight to the point where I'm going to need to buy new clothes again. Guys, I showered with my shirt on yesterday because I couldn't look at myself.

I hate this. I don't know how much longer I can stand myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant @ myself
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Sat May 6 19:24:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69os1a/rant_myself/
---
I keep breaking my fasts with binges and it makes me want to scream!!!!!

I was supposed to have eaten only 4200 calories this week and I'm already at 4933.

SCREECHING!!!!!!!!!

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[Help] What the HELL is happening down there?? [possible tmi]
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Sat May 6 17:34:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69o9ve/what_the_hell_is_happening_down_there_possible_tmi/
---
Today I had a wedding to attend. There was lots- *lots*- of food, and I pigged out majestically. But wait, what is this? In the middle of swallowing a particularly unchewed piece of meat (that was a fucking *bitch* to purge after) I felt a weird, wet sensation in my panties. (god jesus on a cross that sounds really weird, sorry)

Immediately, I think: "God, don't let it be period, just please don't let it be period!" I run to the bathroom and- voila. Not period. White vaginal discharge with no smell.

This isn't the first time it happened, either. I've noticed that every time I eat a particularly huge meal, to the point of being stuffed, my body produces.. *that*. Pretty much right after the binge, or even during.

Now, I purge all food I eat. So I'm just... ??????? What causes this? Does the food... somehow... push the goo out of me or??????

GUYS I AM CONFUSE

PLS HELP

THANK

ETA: I haven't had my period since November 2014, so uh,,, Maybe that helps?

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Lord almighty Chipotle is rad!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 17:23:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69o83z/lord_almighty_chipotle_is_rad/
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https://i.redd.it/p0elrxemryvy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] All I want right now is to binge on Taco Bell and forget about the world.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 16:54:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69o302/all_i_want_right_now_is_to_binge_on_taco_bell_and/
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But damn it, the nearest Taco Bell is on another freaking continent.

Weirdly, I never feel full after a bunch of Taco Bell. I'd pick it up late at night and drive to the beach and binge while parked on the cliffs. It was my alone time. It just sounds so good right now.

I'm glad I don't have one near me, but I'm going HAM the first day I'm in the states.

Can someone eat a Crunchwrap supreme in my honor?

---

[Tip] Rockstar Pure Zero = A Miracle
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 16:12:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69nvl7/rockstar_pure_zero_a_miracle/
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https://i.redd.it/xsyriq8veyvy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] When people say that men don't like underweight girls...
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 100 | 16.8 | 97 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 14:57:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69nhvi/when_people_say_that_men_dont_like_underweight/
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https://np.reddit.com/r/NSFW_GIF/comments/69el3z/kiki_paid_extra_for_the_deluxe_massage/

Warning: very NSFW and triggering.

In the comments someone linked her model profile which shows she has a BMI of 16.3 and yet all men are drooling over her. Don't get me wrong, I hate being objectified and sexualized myself, but this really made me think...

It is making me upset more than anything. Yeah I want to be thin but not for the enjoyment of others and I think there is something wrong with a culture that worships a body type which is unhealthy for 99% of women. And men always say "we are biologically wired to like xy because of z evolutionary reason" - yeah dude, because most women with a BMI of 16 are sooo fertile right?? And I also found it super triggering not gonna lie.

---

[Rant/Rave] [vent] i think i just talked myself into being a hermit
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Sat May 6 14:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ncfp/vent_i_think_i_just_talked_myself_into_being_a/
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i have four finals due before Wednesday and i'm only 1/3 of the way done with one of them.

all i want to do is eat three pints of ben and jerrys, watch the west wing and smoke a blunt. but i've gained back 15 pounds and should absolutely not be doing that.

i also live at a dorm (but in my own apartment) so i have to park in a weird place that's basically at the entrance so people are always watching and i hate doing it with food or anything...and i think everyone knows it like some hermit that doesn't leave her house and lives alone bingeing.

and being afraid of walking to my car and being seen by all these hot frat guys and super skinny sorority girls talked me out of going to target to spend money on food that i shouldn't be spending or eating. idk now i'm sitting on my couch crying.

idk what the point of this was. usually on nights like this is when i'll make a 3 am run to whataburger and do a personal 5000 calorie challenge

---

[Rant/Rave] One week binge
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Sat May 6 14:22:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69nbm0/one_week_binge/
---
Honestly I don't even know what to write here, I think the title pretty much sums it up. I binged EVERY. DAY. IN. THE. LAST. GODDAMN. WEEK. I was doing so good! Yeah, shit. I just can't get back on track but this has to stop.

I'll eat all the remaining stuff I have (luckily almost no binge food but healthy stuff), try not to binge next week but eat "balanced" (HA! As if)and then go on a one-month fast. Yeah. That's literally my only option right now. Yesterday I watched a video on YT about this guy who did this. If he can do it, so can I, right? I'll just take my vitamins and electrolytes and everything and keep no food whatsoever in my room/apartment, and I should be doing fine.

Realistically speaking, I won't probably make it one month without food. But this guy did! How crazy is that??? He lost a ton of weight. Yeah this is actually just me trying to convince myself I can stop being a fucking stupid glutton and finally do something.

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[Rant/Rave] What the fuck is the point of going through the mental struggle of having an ED when I'm not losing weight?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 120 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 14:09:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69n9bt/what_the_fuck_is_the_point_of_going_through_the/
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I think about food and how hungry I am constantly. Like 95% of my thoughts. And the other 5% of the time, it's still in the back of my mind and I know I'm just distracting myself from the main issue which is my ED. I have so many motivational pictures and quotes saved on my computer and my phone, so many tactics I use to try and stop myself from eating/ binging. I have gum everywhere. I drink water and make tea constantly. I have a million low/ zero calorie drinks in case I need something.

Yet something will inevitably happen almost every day--someone offers me food, I go out to a restaurant and am forced to eat, or I just cave and binge--that sets back my progress and basically makes me more or less maintain my weight. Which I could have done in a healthy way eating like 1600 calories a day and not freaking the fuck out over restricting and my ED!! Wtf!! It seems so unfair to "work so hard" mentally but not lose weight. Even though I know it's my fault. :/ Any encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated <3

---

[Rant/Rave] I went shopping
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 194.4 lbs | 36.83 | -95.6 lbs | TM]
Created: Sat May 6 13:55:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69n6ou/i_went_shopping/
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I had to go buy Mother's Day cards for some people in my life and I live in a weirdly rural city that doesn't have greeting card stores so I had to go to a convenience store/pharmacy-type deal.

And proceeded to spend literally an hour staring at a single-serve bag of potato chips because I wanted to buy it but felt too paralyzed to let myself bring 150 cals into my house. I kept picking the bag up, reading the ingredients, putting the bag in my basket, immediately putting it back on the shelf, staring at it, picking it up... ad nauseum for an hour.

I've had moments where I debated buying something before but this is the first time I've legit felt paralyzed, completely unable to make a decision, and now I'm sitting here in the bathroom of my apartment sobbing because I bought a bag of chips. And like honestly I feel like I should be scared about the fact I'm so upset, especially because that one bag of chips is the only food shopping I've done in 3 weeks, but really what I'm terrified of is the fact that I didn't have the willpower not to buy those chips.

---

Losing the will to live
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Sat May 6 13:27:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69n1dc/losing_the_will_to_live/
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I think I have finally fallen deeper off the edge of a happy successful life into a never ending abyss of hopelessness. I am past the point of sadness and tormenting pain in my heart. I got stress stomach pains coming and going with every disaster that falls upon me. I am weak and lightheaded from this malnourished body. I can't eat though, I feel sick and to be honest, I just don't want to. Having an appetite usually means all is right with the world. Why should I even deserve to get something good for me. I think I'll start eating again when I'm once again happy. If that day ever comes. Let the slow death begin.
Last night was when my humanity finally collapsed. I guess I just wanted to be punished. Not necessarily by anyone or anything, just self-loathing hatred. Humans really are messed up creatures. It's like we enjoy suffering. The second we fuck up unintentionally, we dwell in our own self-pity like souls in the lake of the underworld. I just wanted to not feel a thing anymore. So I decided to cut myself. I know what you're thinking, "wow, what a baby." Well, I wish a few cuts and scrapes was all I managed to do. Those heal.. What I did will be a constant reminder that I'm just a mistake. I started on the upper thigh, thinking I was just going to slice open my skin and no one would ever notice. It began as just a series of tiny cuts. But then I saw a wound on my left calf I had made previously after a devastating break up. I took my knife and dug into it and sliced back and forth to make an even deeper wound. However, the stinging pain I was expecting afterwards never came. It was completely numb. So I cut deeper and deeper. Still nothing. Then I ripped the remaining skin apart like an insatiable beast and reopened the wound deeper than before. It didn't hurt. I did feel weak from the blood lost. I don't know why I decided to self mutilate myself than blacking out with a bottle of Jack, but humans really are the destructive race. Only God knows why they do what they do.

---

[Meme/Humor] A nice filling glass of water
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sat May 6 12:00:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69mka4/a_nice_filling_glass_of_water/
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http://i.imgur.com/ImIjhwC.jpg

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Thinspoo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 11:46:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69mhj2/thinspoo/
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https://i.redd.it/d4gckl0g3xvy.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE like to go to restaurants' websites and make a binge meal but not order?
/u/religiousdogmom [5'5.75 | CW151 | GW115 | BMI 24.6 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 6 11:30:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69me9e/dae_like_to_go_to_restaurants_websites_and_make_a/
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Just built my dream meal on pizza hut. Personal pizza, so much cheese and toppings, bread sticks, cheese sticks, hersey brownie cookie cake. I' super poor so I can't order it but omg I just want to stuff that all in my face in a short amount of time. Just inhale it.

A girl can dream...

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[Help] Calling on all you lovelies for support today
/u/operadiva31 [5'6" | CW 212.4 lbs | 34.42 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 131 lbs]
Created: Sat May 6 10:47:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69m5rc/calling_on_all_you_lovelies_for_support_today/
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Trying out an all liquid day for the first time in a while. So far so good. I've just been chugging water from my new pretty water bottle. But I need coffee and I know that the coffee shop next door is going to tempt me with all their delicious baked goods and food. I just need all the positive vibes from you all and I know I can stay strong. Thanks for listening to my rambling. 💗💗💗

---

[Goal] [goal] Progress!
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 10:40:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69m4fw/goal_progress/
---
I switched the batteries in my scale and now it's moving slightly (it's at 106! it should be somewhere between 104-103.5, but at least it's changing now). That's not the happy part, though. The happy part is that my measurements have changed. For the longest time, I've wanted to have hips that are 34 inches or below, and they're finally there!
There's still more work to be done, obviously, but that was my little victory for the day. Now if only I could figure out what's up with the scale number.....

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat May 6 10:29:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69m2ap/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/nec1ajcmpwvy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Well i feel like shit today.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat May 6 10:28:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69m27a/well_i_feel_like_shit_today/
---
So Thursday, my husband said we were going out to eat. We both had doctor's appointments so we were just gonna grab a bite after since we were already out. He called it a date. Not a big deal to him but was one to me bc we don't really go on dates bc of our financial situation. My doctor's appointment got rescheduled and threw the whole day off. He didn't go to his. I still wanted to go out bc it's rare that ww go out to eat, because i don't have a job and I'm broke bc of it. He said we'd go later that night. We didn't, we ended up ordering lunch and relaxing together. He said we'd go out Friday.

We didn't. He didn't go to his appointment for some reason. And because of my position in all this, i feel it's not my place to say anything bc it's his money.

Anyways, i get on facebook, and see everybody going on dates and just going out in general so it got me kinda down this morning. My husband asked what's wrong and i told him, like we were supposed to go out but we didn't. It made him feel bad so i feel bad for even saying anything. He's literally the backbone to this household.

He tries to make sure everyone is okay, even if he isn't. He was supposed to get himself new pants and he even offered to put that on hold so we can go out. I refused. Now i just feel selfish for even wanting a little more that everything (and i do mean EVERYTHING) else he does. I just wish i could help out more.

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[Rant/Rave] My scale lied to me
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Sat May 6 10:16:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69lzxt/my_scale_lied_to_me/
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So, not only is my flair wrong for my weight (I have to change it), it's off by 10 POUNDS. so instead of 205, I'm 215. Years of restricting and binge eating caught up to me. Literally 50 pounds in 2 years. Fuck. On the upside, my height is also wrong. I was convinced I was 5'3, but I'm actually 5'5. So though I gained 50 pounds in 2 years I also gained 2 inches of height. So that means my BMI is lower than I thought.
Anyway, good news to this is that I just have to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to get the vyvanse, so we'll see how that goes. My friend told me is totally got rid of her appetite and she had to remind herself to eat! And that she was way more productive so I'm looking forward to it. Here's to hoping for crazy weight loss soon.

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[Rant/Rave] sharing food is impossible
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 08:38:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69lhxw/sharing_food_is_impossible/
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[deleted]

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Perks of living with an emotionally abusive dad who manipulates you with money.
/u/blushinggloom
Created: Sat May 6 08:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69lded/perks_of_living_with_an_emotionally_abusive_dad/
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I don't have money for food--->weight loss

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[Help] (16f) Ana buddy needed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 07:52:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69labk/16f_ana_buddy_needed/
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[removed]

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Food is my punishment. Fasting is my punishment. Constant cycle.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat May 6 07:38:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69l87g/food_is_my_punishment_fasting_is_my_punishment/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 6 06:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69kvx2/stupid_questions_saturday_may_06_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 06, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 6 06:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69kv4q/daily_food_diary_may_06_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Why
/u/heartemoji
Created: Sat May 6 04:25:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69kj9l/why/
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Why do I do this?

I go the gym and work hard and eat great all day. I meal prep. I count calories and macros. I follow it all and feel good about myself and then after dinner I find myself eating a whole bag of chocolate chips from the pantry!! Rinse repeat except the next night I walk to the nearby shop, buy a block of chocolate and eat it. I hate it.
Everything just feels more enjoyable with food. TV shows are better. The couch is comfier. The act of eating something unhealthy is just so so enjoyable. I fantasize about watching a show and slowly nibbling chocolate or a bag of nuts. Anything that taste good in a large quantity. I can't just have a little bit and lately it seems I can't just fucking have none!!
Why am I bothering even going to the gym when I sabotage myself??
I am so overweight and I hate it and it's my fault!!!

Sorry I've had some drinks which lead to me binging on sesame snaps?????

Why?!!?

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[Help] Scales aren't reading accurately
/u/DeusOff [5'7.5"|120lb|18.5|-4lb |UGW: 90lb|19NB]
Created: Sat May 6 04:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69khy1/scales_arent_reading_accurately/
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I've suspected my scales were a bit funny for a while now, but I just weighed myself this morning and I was at 120.6. I realised I hadn't peed yet, so I did that, and weighed myself again, got 119.8. This was on a different spot to the first time. I moved the scales to another spot... 121.4lb. Now I'm crying and freaking out because I don't know what's accurate anymore. The bathroom floor is slightly uneven because I live in the crappiest student accommodation known to man, I might try in the corridor in a few different spots when my flatmate leaves to see what happens then, but I'm really upset and freaking out.

Anyone have any advice?

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] a change in climate is doing wonders!
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 6 00:28:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ju7f/rave_a_change_in_climate_is_doing_wonders/
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So I like I live in the UK where I'm studying but I'm actually​ from a very warm country. Staying in the ME for month and it is SO hot. Like, 40 degrees celcius. Anyway, the unintended outcome of this is that I am able to restrict SO much better. Not sure why, maybe it's because my normal climate is closer to this. Able to eat medium breakfast, fast with coffee until dinner and then eat a tiny meal. Sub 800 (mostly 700) like it ain't no thang!

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[Rant/Rave] Stepped on the scale for the first time after two months of inpatient
/u/violet_robin [157.5cm | CW 47.6kg | BMI 19.88 | F]
Created: Sat May 6 00:24:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69jtu1/stepped_on_the_scale_for_the_first_time_after_two/
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Went into hospital at 33.2kg (73lb). Am now 47.6kg (105lb). Jesus fucking christ, why did I think attempting recovery was a good idea? I just wanna curl up in a ball and sob.

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[Other] /Help/Rant/other/idk/ I'm conflicted
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Sat May 6 00:12:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69jsh1/helprantotheridk_im_conflicted/
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I mention a lot on here that I'm trying to slowly increase my daily intake, and it's something I've made some progress with. 800 days still bring guilt, anxiety, and hunger but I'm letting myself reach that number more often.

I have an event coming up that I'm dressing up for in two weeks. I *really* want to look and feel like I'm small and confident since the character I'm portraying for one of the days is tiny and badass/Eleven from stranger things, lol/ But the day after I'm wearing a heavy mascot costume that hides my entire body. I want to go back to a lower restriction until the event to feel better about myself for one costume but I'm worried about my energy levels and strength for the other. Idk what to do...this is supposed to be fun and I'm just stressing out.

/edit idk why someone downvoting this makes me want to delete it. Sorry this isn't a serious problem I'm just concerned I dunno

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Fuck fake friends.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 23:56:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69jqj7/fuck_fake_friends/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Their is always someone doing better than me.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Fri May 5 23:45:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69jp54/their_is_always_someone_doing_better_than_me/
---
Lately I've been feeling good about the progress I've been making, even though most days i barely feel alive, the visible difference was giving me confidence.

Today I went to do this extra credit assignment for ballet and ran into a girl in my class. She was very dressed up, make up, hair, and dress, and most of all THIN.

I sat next to her and the entire time I could feel myself slowly shrinking into myself. I just became hyper aware of how fat I actually am. I feel so disgusting and gross, and now I just can't believe I ever thought I was making progress.

I drank a bottle of wine and now I'm wondering why I ever thought it was okay to feel confident when I'm so disgusting. Looking into the mirror before was fine and now I just feel like crying if I even catch a glimpse of myself.

Even if I manage to progress their is always someone or something doing better and it absolutely destroys me.

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[Rant/Rave] Big Binge
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Fri May 5 22:52:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69jibu/big_binge/
---
I was at a potluck today. It was super fun and I enjoyed myself immensely, but unfortunately I binged quite badly. I hit my calorie limit and then in addition to that I had the following:

~20-30 sour cream and onion potato chips

~40-60 Doritos (nacho cheese flavor)

Big bowl of pasta with creamy sauce

2 crepes

1 large bowl of whipped cream and strawberries


After I counted to my calorie limit I didn't want to keep adding up the rest and feel bad. Before we ate we took a group photo and when I looked at it I felt really beautiful and so proud of myself, but now I feel bad about how much I have eaten.

Feels good to type it out though. I was preparing myself for a big trip I'm going on and I feel like I've set myself back a lot now, because this is my third binge this month. I'm going to try harder, and make sure I don't binge again at least for the rest of the summer.

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[Thinspo] I just need something to put the edge on
/u/FeedMeDreams [5'5" | 65.5kg | 24.2 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 20:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69j0lb/i_just_need_something_to_put_the_edge_on/
---
http://imgur.com/a/hngU5

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[Rant/Rave] Mom called me a "little tiny thing" today
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Fri May 5 20:36:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69iz2q/mom_called_me_a_little_tiny_thing_today/
---
Even though she is very overweight so her percetion of bodies is probably pretty distorted (like I'm one to talk though) and I should really take it with a grain of salt...it made me very happy, she has no idea how happy it made me, but it did. She has never called me that before.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't be happy about weight loss, I never should have been so fat to begin with
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Fri May 5 20:16:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ivyq/i_cant_be_happy_about_weight_loss_i_never_should/
---
I've lost a little over 50 pounds since the beginning of the year and I am so grossed out by the whole thing. I get compliments literally every day and it's exhausting.

How do I explain to people that being fat should never have been an option. I should never have been in the position to have 50 pounds of weight to lose.

I'm not downplaying any one else's weight loss but I can't feel proud of myself. Every time I hit a goal it's just another reminder of how horrific I had let myself become to begin with.

This probably doesn't make sense but these are the ramblings of my stressed, overtired mind.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just purged for the first time
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 143.2 | 20.4 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Fri May 5 19:56:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69istq/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
---
I went to dinner with this guy I've been seeing, ordered pad thai, picked out all the veggies and gave him the noodles, came home, turned on the shower and made myself purge. I couldn't even make all that much come up. I don't know why I did it. I've never even wanted to purge before, like it hasn't been appealing in the least, and now I'm scared that it's going to happen again because I have no fucking clue what triggered it.


Is it because he looked at my noodles and said "if you're not going to eat those, can I have them?" Is it because I'm stressed from finals? Is it because I just lack the fucking self-control to restrict like I should? I don't want to go down this road, I really don't, but I'm afraid that I will. I thought I had this ED shit under control, thought I had it boiled down to exercise and diet soda and slow, steady restriction. And now it's back in full force, back in a new and scary way. After I finished purging I stripped naked and body-checked and cried. Why am I like this?


I'm sorry, I'm being super dramatic and I don't know if I want advice or help or what, I just want someone to listen really. The only person in my real life who knows about this is my ex, and god knows I can't talk to him about shit any more. So yeah. I'm here.

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[Help] It's time to finally get my shit together, this being said, any useful subreddits?
/u/PmMeNiceGenitals
Created: Fri May 5 19:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69im24/its_time_to_finally_get_my_shit_together_this/
---
[removed]

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[Other] An ode to apples, you delicious, filling bastards! [Other]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Fri May 5 19:06:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ikk8/an_ode_to_apples_you_delicious_filling_bastards/
---
Just finished my shift at the bar and as always I am HUNGRY. What should I get on the way back from the 24 hour supermarket? Toast? Crisps? Chips?

ALAS, I found an APPLE in my bag.

Hunger/cravings satiated. All for under 100kcal!

So pleased with myself for staying under 800kcal yesterday.

And because I've finished work at like 2am and I've been starved of sleep all week, I'll probably sleep in until about 4, ready for another bar shift at 11. I fucking love this part of working two jobs.

And do you know what a natural source of energy is that keeps you alert for when you work stupid hours?

APPLES. THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT.

---

[Rant/Rave] People are taking notice!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 18:18:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69icfz/people_are_taking_notice/
---
[deleted]

---

[Tip] Wholly Tea cleanse (TMI)
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 17:56:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69i8ke/wholly_tea_cleanse_tmi/
---
[removed]

---

I ate too much today - will fasting tomorrow even it out?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 17:48:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69i74c/i_ate_too_much_today_will_fasting_tomorrow_even/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] So I finally got around to weighing myself...
/u/justme0989 [5'4" | CW 163? | Lady Lumps | 19F]
Created: Fri May 5 16:21:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hrd5/so_i_finally_got_around_to_weighing_myself/
---
...and the scale said 158. I haven't lost that much at all. I feel worse than I did not knowing. At least when I didn't know, I could believe I was super light compared to my old numbers, but now I just feel huge and doughy.

I should take this measurement with a grain of salt, though. The scale was one of those older ones where you stand on the shaky platform and move the balances. It's been there (it's at the local y. I don't own a scale) since I was in middle school (I'm graduated for a year now) and started going by myself.

Either way, I can wear a medium shirt with little issues (other than my breasts) now, whereas I used to wear an xL just to be able to be comfortable. I think if I got a mastectomy like I want, then I'll lose more weight and I'll be a lot more comfortable with my body.

Still forgetting to eat, too, so I may lose more. Who knows?

---

Workout plan?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 16:09:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hp24/workout_plan/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] guys, I need support
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 122 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 15:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hktm/guys_i_need_support/
---
I've binged. terribly. 3 days in a row. I was meant to fast today but nope, too weak.

I've removed the batteries from my scales so I can't check my weight and get depressed, but I know I've gained a ton.

what do I do? I feel like if I restrict to below 500 and go a week before weighing myself, it should be okay, but right now I'm shaking and upset and want to bang my head against the wall :((

any words of wisdom from people who've messed up like this and gotten through it (and lost weight after)?

---

[Other] When the Fat Girl gets Skinny, a short spoken word peom
/u/ElephantsHoldGrudges [5'5| F | CW 151 | SW 218 | -68lbs]
Created: Fri May 5 15:38:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hism/when_the_fat_girl_gets_skinny_a_short_spoken_word/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXFaaWmaltE

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like my life is falling apart with my ED at the centre
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 15:22:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hfti/i_feel_like_my_life_is_falling_apart_with_my_ed/
---
[deleted]

---

Spoken word poem: When the Fat Girl gets Skinny
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 15:21:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hfr1/spoken_word_poem_when_the_fat_girl_gets_skinny/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Eating slowly+lots of water=too full to binge!
/u/lethalhamartia [5'1 | ? | UGW: 83 |F]
Created: Fri May 5 14:57:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69hawe/eating_slowlylots_of_watertoo_full_to_binge/
---
It's kind of magical. I went into the kitchen worried that I was going to binge on a bunch of fruit snacks and packs of oatmeal right along with the dinner I'd already planned, but then I got a pretty amazing idea. Instead of a standard plate I used a slightly smaller one this time, making it seem like I was eating more food. I put a single potato onto the plate and chopped it up, portioned out some rice and some beans, and filled up a couple bottles of ice cold water. When I binge, I usually eat incredibly fast and just keep eating whatever is around me, not stopping to drink anything or acknowledge that I'm no longer hungry. However, this time I ate in my room, drank two cups of water before I started eating, and then just kept sipping water throughout my meal. I made sure to busy myself with my phone and put down the fork after a couple of small bites.

It took me over 45 minutes to eat something that I could've easily ate in under 5 minutes! I ACTUALLY enjoyed my food this time and savored every bite! Plus I actually felt pretty full and hydrated after finishing the meal!

It's so amazing and I can't believe I'm just now taking the time out to eat slower and drink water instead of just stuffing my face and wondering why I'm never satisfied. I've decided that if I can't enjoy food like this all the time, then I don't need to risk eating anything or binging.

---

[Rant/Rave] Had a binge episode, need support
/u/carlems [5'1| 103.6 | 19.47 | -17 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 14:51:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69h9j2/had_a_binge_episode_need_support/
---
I was doing so well the whole week and had lost weight and today had only 600 calories (burned 1900) and then I just went into zombie mode and just mindlessly ate soooo much. like at least 1000 calories more than I burned so yeah I'm just so disappointed in myself but also so scared please someone convince me that it's going to be okay and I'm not going to gain weight bc right now I'm just rolling in self loath

I hate that I'd still want to eat more I hate that I constantly either fear or crave food why can't I just be a normal person who doesn't even think about food (can you imagine that??) or calories or anything

Okay rant over. I just needed to get that out and can't really do that in real life. Going to sleep and maybe the breakdown-mode would be slightly less dramatic at morning. Good night to ya and thanks for always being here

---

[Discussion] Friends who get it?
/u/itmustbetheganja [5'0 | 105.2| nyc | gw :95 | f]
Created: Fri May 5 14:46:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69h8i1/friends_who_get_it/
---
I feel closer to the people here than I do to people in my life. I don't feel judged and I feel like you guys actually understand.

Maybe we would have other things in common too? Bitching about others? Favorite yoga/workout videos? Books?
Makeup?
I would love to have a friend who gets it. Even maybe one that lives far away, so we could just text or w.e.

This is the only subreddit I'm active in and I've been on reddit for years.

Anyone else feels this way?

---

[Rant/Rave] Freaking out about dinner.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 134.8| BMI: 22.70 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 14:46:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69h8hm/freaking_out_about_dinner/
---
my bf is taking me out to dinner tonight to one of my favorite steak houses. I have a safe meal there thats under 800cal no matter how you look at it.

I keep freaking out because im ~75 hours into a fast and i really dont feel like breaking it.

Also i keep imagining these horror situations where because its friday night we wont be able to get a seat and we will be forced to go eat someplace else ( id be pretty happy if we cant get a seat) and my bf needs to eat cause hes not all fucked up like me. and all of the places that hed want to go are aweful fast food places....

i already had a freak out on him today because we were supposed to see a movieafter dinner but there were no seats at a time where we would be able to make it and go to dinner.

stupid fucked up ED brain says dont eat dinner but if i do i have to punish myself by not eating all weekend.

also instead of being reasonable brain wants to just not eat if we cant get a table instead of googleing a safe option for a number of other places we could go.

WTF is wrong with me lol

---

[Help] How to break a fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 14:25:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69h42r/how_to_break_a_fast/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm going to die of mortification
/u/orgy-of-nerdiness [5'5" | 137 lb | 23.0 | -25 | 21F]
Created: Fri May 5 14:23:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69h3lb/im_going_to_die_of_mortification/
---
A labmate’s laptop wasn’t working and he had to give a presentation and so I let him use mine last minute. Usually I use a different account if I’m going to be presenting that way nothing private can accidentally show up, but there wasn't time.

And he accidentally clicked on an eating disorder site on my bookmarks bar. I managed to unplug it before the page could load but the little window that appears when you hover over something popped up clearly showing that it was for myproana.com (it’s just MPA on my bookmarks bar) and idk how many people were paying attention and would know what that is. But it was visible for at least 5 very very long seconds.

Oh and this was a very specialized seminar/club for people at my university in my subfields so I knew more than half the people in the room. I want to crawl into a hole and die.

Idc if people know about my depression and self harm (I wear short sleeves with pretty visible scars), but I’m super self conscious about the eating stuff because I feel like once people know they’d take note of my eating habits (and we're around our lab mates for up to 12 hours a day so it's hard not to notice) and changes in weight and think it must not be a real eating disorder because I’m not skinny and it just makes me super self conscious and never want to eat again.

---

[Meme/Humor] I have those jeans from the sisterhood of the traveling pants.
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Fri May 5 13:24:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69gr68/i_have_those_jeans_from_the_sisterhood_of_the/
---
They seem to fit the exact same regardless of what weight I'm at. When all other clothes fit differently at varying weights, these are always perfect.

They're like the jeans for the sisterhood of the traveling pants.

Except I'm the whole sisterhood 😂

---

[Discussion] What do you do for a living? Does your ED effect it in any way?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Fri May 5 13:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69gm17/what_do_you_do_for_a_living_does_your_ed_effect/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69gm17/what_do_you_do_for_a_living_does_your_ed_effect/

---

[Help] Help! my co-workers are getting suspicious
/u/Gutterslutcunt
Created: Fri May 5 11:32:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69g4cu/help_my_coworkers_are_getting_suspicious/
---
We all have our lunch break together and I just keep eating the same low-cal things. Plus im worried they can hear my stomach rumbling. i drink a lot of coffee which i think seems suspicious. Also I've lost a lot of weight from a normal weight. Idk what the hell to say if they bring it up though. Like I'm at a complete loss. Any ideas??

---

[Rant/Rave] Getting super discouraged about this plateau.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Fri May 5 11:21:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69g1uu/getting_super_discouraged_about_this_plateau/
---
I haven't changed anything about my eating. I'm counting every calorie. I'm logging every bite. I've stayed at my sub 600 restriction and I've just. stopped. losing. Every day I step on the scale and it says basically the same exact thing and it's super discouraging.

Every day the number doesn't move it gets harder and harder to ignore hunger -- so far the habits I've built though restricting have carried me through, but for how long? How long before I start popping handfuls of chips because "I've been good today, a snack won't hurt"? How long before I start leaving stuff off of MFP because I don't want to see the calorie total at the end of the day? How long before my weight stalls for good? Creeps back up?

Ugh. I need coffee. Or a percocet. This catastrophizing is not helping my mood.

---

[Rant/Rave] What the hell is wrong with my brain?!
/u/letsgetfitnow
Created: Fri May 5 11:12:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fzxt/what_the_hell_is_wrong_with_my_brain/
---
So I normally have a binge/restrict pattern. Anyway, today I got really pissed off because I literally ate some lettuce with a piece of grilled chicken yesterday ALL day, plus I worked out TWICE yesterday. The scale this morning was UP half a pound so I had like a nervous breakdown and decided I was going to eat the buffalo chicken that had been sitting in the fridge for like three days.

Five minutes after I ate it, I run to the bathroom and start throwing up violently (not on purpose I think the chicken was bad or something). In the midst of choking up all this half chewed chicken I have the thought "Yay! I don't have to feel so guilty about binging on this chicken now!". Honestly? What the ever loving fuck?! Who gets excited about throwing up? I am NOT going to start puking shit up. That is NOT a path I want to start down, and haven't done it in the past.

Seriously EDs make your brain think some fucked up shit.

---

[Rant/Rave] Fasting.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri May 5 11:06:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fykn/fasting/
---
So I'm back in the 1@@'s and I'm fasting. I told my husband I'm fasting and it's kinda hard because he's a great cook and he's cooking tonight. 🙃 any ways, every time i say I'm fasting, he kinda just rolls his eyes, and idk i just feel bad. I can be a total bitch when i first start fasting so i understand but i feel like i have to fast. I have to lose at least 10 pounds in 22 days. Idk where this is going, I'm just rambling. Okay bye.

---

[Other] The Beauty Inside- Phora
/u/anab776
Created: Fri May 5 10:58:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fwo6/the_beauty_inside_phora/
---
Listen to this song, the first time I heard it, I cried. It'll remind you that you really don't need to be perfect to be beautiful. I sound so cliche lmao just listen to it.

---

[Intro] Kinda like coming out, i *think* this is the place
/u/CatchTheWhale
Created: Fri May 5 10:33:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69frbf/kinda_like_coming_out_i_think_this_is_the_place/
---
(I'm new to reddit)

I've acknowledged the fact that i am anorexic, or have been in hard times of my life. I've also had depression for about 16 years and they go hand in hand for me. I've never been "fat" just kinda chubby but i don't carry it well.

I'm currently going through some shit in my real life, and I've lost roughly 30 lbs in 2 months. Friends and family have commented both good and bad.

I just don't have an appetite, and when i do eat it doesn't taste good or i feel kinda dumb shoveling food into my face. It's just not a pleasant experience anymore. I eat every day usually, just not very much.

The thing is, i like it. I like that i weigh less than i did my senior year of hs. I like the feeling of water in my empty stomach. I kind of like the challenge of how long can i go without eating.

I'm still at a "healthy" weight. But i also look in the mirror or at my body and think I'm too big. I'm too flabby. I'm too jiggly. I still feel "chubby." I feel terrible when i eat a donut or something. So i know I'm not going to stop this anytime soon. And I'm nervous about when i do, afraid I'll get chubby again.

I guess i just wanted to throw all this out there, to somebody not my family or my therapist (therapist knows and understands and doesn't condemn me :) ) i guess i also kinda wanted to ask, do i belong here on this sub?

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate [myself at] salons
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 09:54:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fij7/i_hate_myself_at_salons/
---
I was so excited to get my hair done for my birthday but I always get super anxious at salons. Today I realized why. With a huge mirror in front of you and nothing [hair] to hide behind, I become hyper aware of how ugly I feel and how chubby and soft my face is and how fat I am. And it feels like everyone is looking at you. I feel open and exposed and like every flaw is on display. After all, a salon is where people go to make themselves look better, so there's no pretending that it's not all about appearance here. I just hate myself so much right now. She even did a great job with my hair, I just can't even begin to appreciate or like it until I leave. I've been restricting (with a kind of two day binge the past two days) and now want to restrict even more so maybe I won't feel so huge and ugly.

---

[Thinspo] My mental breakdown is over. I'm sorry for all of the drama i caused in this sub. Here's some Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri May 5 09:51:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fi19/my_mental_breakdown_is_over_im_sorry_for_all_of/
---
https://i.redd.it/5wa9qfy2epvy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] I weighed myself and I was right to be worried
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 09:49:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fhjs/i_weighed_myself_and_i_was_right_to_be_worried/
---
After restricting sub-200 and working off 800+ calories a day, I should have burned four pounds, but no. The scale is showing the same high number that it always does, the one that's just on the border of underweight but never makes it into truly safe territory. It's been this same number for months. It feels line it's mocking me. 107.6, 107.6, 107.6. Starve yourself. Exercise until you pass out. Nothing is in your control and nothing will ever change. I keep trying to figure out what I could possibly have done to screw up this badly, but I just can't get the numbers to work out. I keep careful count of every tiny thing I consume and even if my calorie counter on my exercise machine is wrong, something should still be changing.
I just want the damn number to read 103 by next Friday. It shouldn't be this impossible. I just want to die.

---

[Intro] New start.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 09:36:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69fepo/new_start/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] The Brie got me
/u/Redriverlady [5'5, CW 153 GW 127]
Created: Fri May 5 07:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69et7s/the_brie_got_me/
---
I went to one of my best friend's wedding last night and I had been doing so, so well this month restricting to less than 700 cals a day. I wasn't even that hungry at the reception but then they brought out the damn cheese and meat board. Damn it all.

I'm sure I consumed enough cheese I won't crap for a month. The Brie and all the other no-no's on that plate got me and I ate way, way too much.

At least I said no to the cake but I'm still very disappointed in myself. I wasn't even hungry and I still did that anyway and gorged away :-(

---

[Other] Breakfast of champions.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Fri May 5 07:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69er0b/breakfast_of_champions/
---
http://imgur.com/K2U9cEM

---

[Rant/Rave] Accidental fast?
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 134.8| BMI: 22.70 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 07:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69enk2/accidental_fast/
---
Just realized this morning that i havent eaten anything in 2 days.
So ya. Accidental 48hr water/ Powerade zero fast

Funny thing is i totally thought my scale was broken this morning. Like no flippin way have i lost 2lbs in 2 days.
But with how active i was yesterday and the day before it in entirely possible


Mods can you please flair as rant/rave

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 5 06:05:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69e9fg/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_05/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for May 05, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 5 06:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69e9es/daily_food_diary_may_05_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Can I lose 25 pounds in 3 months?
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 117😷 | 20.7 | -10 lbs | F 18 | UGW 95 |]
Created: Fri May 5 05:35:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69e4m5/can_i_lose_25_pounds_in_3_months/
---
[removed]

---

[Tip] Tips to stop snacking: ✋
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 05:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69e336/tips_to_stop_snacking/
---
-brush your teeth, you can't eat with a toothbrush in your mouth!!! Plus eating afterwards is gross.

-WHITENING STRIPS. They take at least an hour, and you would never want to eat with it in your mouth!

-face mask- good for your skin and very hard and messy to eat with while on.

-paint your nails. Enough said, you'll have to wait for them to dry.

-take a bath or a shower.

-go for a walk around your neighborhood and take pictures of all the beautiful things you see. 🌲

---

[Thinspo] Hilary Duff (2005)
/u/upboatsonly20
Created: Fri May 5 05:19:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69e27d/hilary_duff_2005/
---
http://i.imgur.com/rnN9lRj.jpg

---

[Help] What would happen if I gained?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 04:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69dshd/what_would_happen_if_i_gained/
---
Let's say I finally hit my goal weight, end up in an inpatient, they make me gain weight. Will I gain in the same areas? I'm really concerned because what if I gain and its all on my tummy none on on my butt and thighs and I'll look awful forever. Is this a thing?

---

[Rant/Rave] All the things that happened yesterday (rant)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri May 5 03:12:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69dm0h/all_the_things_that_happened_yesterday_rant/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] [Mindless Rant Warning] Why am I pro ana?
/u/whatisthisshow2002 [5'2" |48kg|19| 6kg | F]
Created: Fri May 5 01:52:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69dcsx/mindless_rant_warning_why_am_i_pro_ana/
---
I don't wanna be thin like scary thin. I want to be fit and happy and healthy so I can be a paramedic when I grow up. I want to be able to eat without guilt goddamit! I hate this fucking thing.

It's telling me that I'm fat, ugly, that I can't praise my body by feeding it. I'm just a blob of fat with no soul inside. If I got hit by a car, I'd explode into a yellow sea of fat and everyone would be covered in it and they'd drown and it would be my fault.

Also my parents. This isn't my ED speaking. My sister weighs 25 kgs and is 140 cm tall. She's 10 right now. She's so small and bony and my parents love her so much. She's my mum's favourite and my dad says she makes people happy and stuff. My family don't really like me. I'm a horrible person. But I'm fat and she's thin and when I get thin and childlike they'll love me.

They stopped hitting me now that I'm less fat. My dad tried to strangle me when I was 52 kgs, and now he doesn't try. It's like I'm a kid again and they love me and I'm happy and I'm not a fat ugly slut anymore. I can't wait until I'm 45 kgs because that's when I was truly happy.

---

[Help] Scared to weigh myself
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 01:31:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69dae7/scared_to_weigh_myself/
---
I've been restricting sub-200 and working off around 800 calories a day (supposedly), but I'm terrified to weigh myself. What if it's stuck in the same place and exactly the same as before? What if I've been vastly overestimating my calories burned and underestimating calories taken in? I've been stuck at 107 for so long and I'm not sure I could handle not seeing a change, especially when I should be down at least two pounds. Any words of encouragement?

Edit: I was right to be worried. I'm doing a deficit of 2100 calories a day and yet SOMEHOW that goddamn scale has still gone up. I want to die.

(On mobile, can't flair, sorry guys)

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[Rant/Rave] I could cry I'm so excited [RAVE]
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 5 01:20:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69d94m/i_could_cry_im_so_excited_rave/
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I have no one to scream with joy to but you guys, so excuse me for a second.

I'm in the 170's again!!! Still so terribly terribly overweight and fucking gross, but I'm making progress, which is something I haven't done since middle school. I've lost 8 lbs in something like a month-ish, and I'm just... I don't know, so elated. Motivated.

I'm going to finally fix myself.

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[Discussion] How long does it take for your body to bounce back from a binge?
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Fri May 5 01:20:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69d924/how_long_does_it_take_for_your_body_to_bounce/
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Can't flair I'm sorry!!

So I guess this is kind of a survey? How long does it take for you to feel better, not bloated or holding onto water weight, and back to your previous weight after a binge?

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[Help] My boyfriend is making dinner and I'm going to lose it
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 4 23:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69cyuc/my_boyfriend_is_making_dinner_and_im_going_to/
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He's an absolutely amazing cook, like so incredible, and he's making this rendition of some dishes you can make at a certain Mongolian grill we like. The sauces alone, for a serving, are around 200 calories. Never mind that he got noodles and rice and steak and he's going to mix it all up with some green beans.

I know realistically that one super high calorie meal will not magically change my body, but FUCK I also know that opening up to eating something like that is just basically inviting a binge up to my doorstep.

I tried asking him to maybe make some green beans without all the crap on it, just a little side for me that I could eat with some plain steamed rice because "I'm not that hungry."

"Sweetie, you haven't eaten all day! I'm sure once you smell it you'll realize how hungry you are."

*Trust me, I know how hungry I am.*

"I thought you loved this sauce?"

*I do*

He has no idea.

I'm on the verge of crying because I'm so frustrated. I think he is noticing I'm turning down his cooking more and more often and I don't want him to think it's him. He's going to school for it in the fall and he's so passionate about it and I can't let him feel like he's doing something wrong, but I also can't let him know.

I might end up having a small serving, force myself not to get seconds, and then make sure to double my exercise tomorrow and restrict a little more to make up for it.

The ED girl is going to spend her life with a chef. What a cosmic joke.

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[Rant/Rave] Chinese takeaway I didn't even want!! [Rant/Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Thu May 4 23:52:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69cy36/chinese_takeaway_i_didnt_even_want_rantrave/
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I was 60kg, I was ecstatic! But for some reason I sabotaged myself and had Chinese takeaway last night. And it was so disappointing. It was bland and tasteless but I didn't stop eating. I wasn't even properly hungry. I think I was just tired as I haven't had much sleep or many calories recently (most days under 600)

Weighed myself this morning and jumped to 64kg. I know it's sodium, but still I've learnt from this... Instead of eating like a lil pig I'm going to sleep more. Not easy when you work two jobs but it has to be done.

So tonight, after work, I will probably sleep most of Saturday, ready for work again, and then Sunday wake up earlyish to be ready to get up for 6:30am on Monday. When I'm sleeping I can't eat ;)

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[Rant/Rave] I'm trying so fucking hard
/u/CharlotteCherry
Created: Thu May 4 22:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69cpmw/im_trying_so_fucking_hard/
---
[removed]

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4st 7lbs by Manic Street Preachers
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Thu May 4 22:36:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69cncz/4st_7lbs_by_manic_street_preachers/
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https://youtu.be/jFLMHPRoTcA

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[Other] Binged on candy...
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Thu May 4 21:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69cb1m/binged_on_candy/
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Now I'm forcing myself to watch my 600 pound life

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[Thinspo] Kelly Mittendorf Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 21:06:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69c9du/kelly_mittendorf_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/u9zq0

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[Other] Did I just get triggered?
/u/artbookstea
Created: Thu May 4 20:51:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69c6ov/did_i_just_get_triggered/
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I had a friend (X) message me talking about weight loss and how their parents were trying to force them to eat junk food, I talked to them about it and gave them a couple tips (they do not know about my eating habits).

X also sent me a couple screenshots from a weight loss app I didn't recognize and mentioned that another friend (Y) was also trying losing weight (Idk why, they're gorgeous and really nicely proportioned) and that they (Y) were 3000 calories under goal for the week.

I then promptly downloaded that app, and dropped my calories a bit, and it feels like I'm in a competition that only I am aware of. I would have to eat 500 calories a day every day (lol no) to be under my projected goal by 3000 calories. I'm not usually bothered by things like this, but I NEED to be skinnier, even if I lost everything else it's the only thing I can guarantee myself.

( I'm on mobile so no flair...might fit under rant or other?)

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[Thinspo] Thinspo quotes gathered from this sub
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 20:38:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69c4gr/thinspo_quotes_gathered_from_this_sub/
---
http://imgur.com/a/axG7j

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[Help] Do these work?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 20:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69c28y/do_these_work/
---
https://i.redd.it/qvo6gb67elvy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] i'm losing ALL my shit. ALL of it.
/u/nerrdygrrl15 [5'5" | 106.4 | 17.6]
Created: Thu May 4 20:22:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69c1ro/im_losing_all_my_shit_all_of_it/
---
Okay, forgive the title but seriously this may be the best day of my life. I just finished my sophomore year of college and this summer is the first time I'll be simultaneously living without my parents AND having to buy all my groceries, since our dining hall is obviously closed.

I've been hearing a lot about Whole Foods's new 365 Stores and was poking around their website. ALL calorie info is listed, as well as all sorts of awesome health stuff and you guys should check it out.

Now, I realized suddenly there are only 4 stores out so far in the whole US.

Guess who has one less than a five minute drive from her house?

Now, that WOULD be enough to make me lose my goddamn mind with excitement, but I was playing with the site and product lister a little longer. Look at how you can sort all items.

[I've died and gone to heaven.](http://imgur.com/T0TVQ0V.jpg)

Seriously this is the best timing. I'm actually excited to go food shopping this week now! Will report back.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Why do I do this???
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Thu May 4 20:02:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69by77/rant_why_do_i_do_this/
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Boyfriend is only in town for a day and a half. So I decide to eat just below TDEE for that time. I think I can do it without freaking out, and I do it for one day. I am trying to take decent care of myself, and I think he will be happy that I can eat with him like a normal person. Then I get cocky. Pancakes for breakfast and I eat half of one...doing okay. Sandwiches for lunch and I eat half of one...doing okay.

Then boyfriend says he wants steak for dinner.

Fuck. Me. I know I can't fit that shit in and be below my TDEE. And I already ate a "normal" amount the day before. I was counting on him eating dinner elsewhere so I could skip it, and I thought he would. But he wants me to make ribeye steak (*MY* fucking favorite, and he fucking knows it.) On top of that, he wants fresh bread and beer.

He goes out for a few hours, and I panic the entire time about how I'm going to binge and go over my TDEE. I go on MFP and try to calculate it out, and realize there's no way for me to eat dinner with him, keep my goal, and look normal. **So what do I do? I fucking binge while he's gone. I can't let myself have steak, so I binge on pasta. Tons of fucking pasta. And some of the bread I baked for him. With all the toppings. And I fucking hated it. And I felt so uncomfortably full and sick, I physically could not eat by the time he got back. I made him his steak, sliced his bread, poured his beer, and felt sick to my stomach while I watched him eat. He looked sad and worried, and kept asking me why I couldn't eat. This morning I explained that I binged while he was gone, and he said he was sad because he waited to eat with me. I said I didn't know what was wrong with me. And I don't.**

-Please ignore any housewife kitchen slave vibes you may be getting here. I (ironically) love to cook, and boyfriend is more than considerate when requesting things. If I so much as hesitate, he takes care of everything without complaint. But when I'm not seeing him as often as usual, it's important to me that I spoil him a little. He treats me the same.-

I didn't eat breakfast this morning. I had to eat lunch with boyfriend, but then I went jogging and I'm not eating anything else today. I don't know if I'm trying to be better or healthier right now anymore. I don't know if I can, since the thought of a fucking steak makes me spiral out of control. Then I end up hurting this wonderful man who just wanted to share a nice meal with me.

I hate myself sometimes.

---

[Discussion] I wonder what it's like to have a normal relationship with food
/u/YourChinaDoll
Created: Thu May 4 19:55:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69bwzp/i_wonder_what_its_like_to_have_a_normal/
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Every moment of mine is spent thinking about food or what I'm going to eat or when I'm going to eat or what I shouldn't eat or what I can eat or I'm only going to eat 500 calories today or maybe I can be normal I'll try for 1200 or do I really need to lose weight maybe I'll just eat at maintenance or how could I eat 3,000 calories in one sitting or how am I going to fix this or what do I weigh now or what should I weigh now or what do I think I'll weigh tomorrow or how did I get so fat or maybe I'm fine or is this normal or what am I going to eat tomorrow. Like right now I'm supposed to be doing actual work and I can't because I NEED to watch "what I eat in a day to lose weight" videos on YouTube. What do normal people do with all their time??

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Do you prefer people at a different weight than you prefer yourself?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Thu May 4 19:25:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69brke/discussion_do_you_prefer_people_at_a_different/
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Like, when you see someone that you think looks good walking down the street, or someone you know, do you think they're about your goal weight? Or is it different when it's for yourself?

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[Discussion] How's this for messed up?
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 4 19:22:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69br02/hows_this_for_messed_up/
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I felt crazy hungry earlier, and nearly broke down and told my boyfriend about my ED. (He knows I have a past with it and was once institutionalized in part due to it but he's seen my lighter binges and I often eat all my calories for the day only when I'm with him but act like that's not all it was, so he has no idea.)

ANYWHO, I almost broke down and said something. Why? So that he would give me permission to eat. So that he would convince me it's ok to eat and that I don't need to do this to myself.

Disclaimer here: he has never ever ever **ever** done or said anything to make me feel anything less than beautiful. He never said anything back in the days when I gained weight, he never ever catches me mid semi binge and asks "you're really gonna eat all that?" Or anything. So the fact that I was about to look to him for approval was a weird moment.

So much of my ED isn't even about trying to look a certain way. I mean it is, but it isn't. I don't think I need to elaborate though. I have a suspicion more than a few who read this might get what I mean. It's about vanity but it's also not.

I eat compulsively. And I restrict to gain a sense of control. And the more I see my body change from it, and the more I feel my stomach rumble from it, it just adds to the satisfaction.

So even though I do this to and for myself, there was a moment where I wanted him to convince me I didn't need to. Even though I know I don't need to. Even though I *do* need to.

Has anyone else ever struggled with this before, or are you currently? What did you do about it/how did you handle it?

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[Rant/Rave] Anxiety about college and weight.
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 117😷 | 20.7 | -10 lbs | F 18 | UGW 95 |]
Created: Thu May 4 17:55:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69batt/anxiety_about_college_and_weight/
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I start my freshman year of college in August, and I feel like I'm under so much pressure to get to my UGW and get a "hot body" for college. I know this is vain but I always felt invisible in high school, and I just want to be able to walk onto campus and be noticed for once. I was overweight until the 7th grade and guys made fun of me and I lost the weight and started dieting at 12. My ED came later and ever since I became normal sized I've been terrified of gaining the weight back. Even though I'm not overweight, I still feel like I'm not attractive enough to get noticed. People say I'm pretty, so I guess it's my body scratch that I know it is. I've had boyfriends but I've never been that girl that walks into a room and everyone has all eyes on her. I feel so anxious that I won't reach my goal in time and it's making me really depressed. Do any of you feel the pressure to look good for school, work, or to get noticed too? My family also puts a lot of emphasis on appearances they were so happy when I became thinner...they seemed proud of me. I just don't want to be invisible anymore or a disappointment.

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[Rant/Rave] I've never felt so empty inside...
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Thu May 4 16:38:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69aw3i/ive_never_felt_so_empty_inside/
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...and I love it! :D
I've had maybe ~1000kcal yesterday, and probably closer to ~500kcal today and pooped like a billion times so my tummy is finally flat enough that I have a space between my underwear and hips when I lie down!!!! (Still got that little fat pooch though 😕)

And it gets better!!! Me and my friend were lying opposite each other in a hammock earlier and his shoulder/back was on my hip, and he said that my hips we're digging into him and that it was hella uncomfortable. GETTING MY BONY HIPS BACK!!!!

This is so worth going to sleep hungry every night. The feeling of emptiness in my stomach is amazing. I really hope I keep this up through the weekend!!

(On mobile - mods pls tag as rant/rave)

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[Help] Sodium Intake and Bloating
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 4 15:56:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69anmo/sodium_intake_and_bloating/
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How much sodium do you have to consume before it shows up as bloat on the scale? And what things do you guys to do eliminate water/waste weight before you weigh yourselves?

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[Rant/Rave] Bad test results and I'm freaking out a little
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.2 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 4 15:31:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69ai79/bad_test_results_and_im_freaking_out_a_little/
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So... I got diagnosed with endometriosis a few weeks ago. Back in like 2014 they did a Pap test that came back abnormal but not "high risk." They did another one recently and just called me today to tell me that this time it was not only abnormal but high risk- the nurse mentioned the words "hpv" and "cancer" specifically and idk what I'm even feeling right now guys. I know this isn't ED related and I'm sorry but I just needed to vent. I always wanted to die young and beautiful and now that there's a chance something might be seriously wrong I just... idk. I have no appetite so I guess yay for that? Thanks for listening. :(

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[Intro] Encouragement
/u/fatpiggy4957
Created: Thu May 4 15:26:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69aha6/encouragement/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE chew/suck on something to restrict and not binge?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Thu May 4 15:17:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69af23/dae_chewsuck_on_something_to_restrict_and_not/
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(Discussion) On mobile can't flair. Recently started chewing gum again to distract myself from hunger and to stop myself mindlessly eating.

But I think chewing gum for over an hour at a time is making my jaw muscles bigger and the excess stomach acid makes me feel so hungry.

DAE do this/have any suggestions for something else which is zero/low cal to chew/suck on for hours?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] The more I lose, the more I fail
/u/greenrail
Created: Thu May 4 14:51:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69a9hj/rant_the_more_i_lose_the_more_i_fail/
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Hi lovelies, a long time lurker here. Since I don't want to talk to my friends about this and make them worried, I thought I'd lay out my thoughts to you guys.

Some time ago, I lost 30 lbs and still want to lose 10 lbs more to get to my goal. The problem is, my willpower has vanished into thin air. I have been bingeing all week, every night. Seriously, I have been so good during daytime staying under 1000 kcals, but when night comes my eating wreaks havoc. I'm so scared of gaining weight, but not when I'm eating.

And I feel like a total, utter failure. I miss seeing my weight go down. I want to see my bones better through my skin. I want to see my BMI drop. Why can't I suddenly do it anymore? It makes me sad and tired.

Am I the only who would like to promise someone else to lose a certain amount of weight? Since I'm bad at keeping promises to myself, but better not letting other people down, it would work, make me motivated. But to whom would I promise that? No-one but myself wants to see me lose weight. But I want it so bad. But I am so weak. And so tired.

Edit: When you write boner instead of bones

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[Other] Feeling simultaneously relieved, disappointed, and motivated
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 14:39:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69a6qn/feeling_simultaneously_relieved_disappointed_and/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] they fit!!!
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Thu May 4 14:34:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69a5q9/rave_they_fit/
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So I ordered size one skinny jeans from Hollister and then I learned that Hollister runs small so I was scared I wouldn't fit into them. But they just came today and they fit!! I'm so happy!!

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[Discussion] Do y'all think it's possible to have an ED and be in a relationship?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Thu May 4 14:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/699z5b/do_yall_think_its_possible_to_have_an_ed_and_be/
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My ex told me that my incapability to take care of myself made my attempts to take care of her seem shallow/ingenuine. Which really sucked to hear. I'm wondering if that's true? That neglecting really basic facets of self care (eating/not purging) is indicative of some indifference to humanity in general? I feel like it's very personal and form of self-hatred that includes no one outside of myself, but maybe my willingness to put my life in danger says something about how I view my relationships with other people?

Side note: last night she posted a song on her fb about not being able to stop thinking about someone and I'm totally reading into it. I'm hung up af.

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[Other] Hot stuff to stop snacking
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 4 13:53:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/699wh8/hot_stuff_to_stop_snacking/
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Anyone else ever eat small bits of jalapeños or habaneros to stave off snacking? I have a very very low heat tolerance. Ground pepper is a bit much for me on a good day.

My mouth is 🔥lit🔥 rn and not in a good way

...---...

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I lost all will power because of body positivity
/u/mycaloriesfrombooze
Created: Thu May 4 13:34:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/699s47/rant_i_lost_all_will_power_because_of_body/
---
Sounds dumb haha. I went like two weeks eating well and feeling pretty good. I didn't lose any noticable weight but I was feeling light and in control.

Then I found this podcast about psychology and eating, where the host basically does therapy sessions with people and they talk about their food issues. I identified so much with every episode, I totally binged (ha) on it. I was recommending it to people and discussing it with my SO.

But the cast is all about forgiving yourself and loving yourself and eating right as a long term goal and all of this empowering stuff.

So what did I do? I binged. But I forgave myself! Then I binged all weekend. But I forgave myself! And now I'm right back where I was before the control. I get that there are better and healthier ways to lose weight, but the self abuse was working. The obsessive abstaining was working. The self love and the forgiveness is what made me into a fat ass, and they're what's keeping me here, and I'm just so fucking mad that I have to start over again.

---

[Thinspo] Model Alexandria Morgan, thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 13:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/699k73/model_alexandria_morgan_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/gallery/IkeEi

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[Rant/Rave] When I want to die
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 214 | -22lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Thu May 4 12:47:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/699guv/when_i_want_to_die/
---
About 5 or so years ago I was at my thinnest, 120 lbs of pure figure skating muscle. I chewed and spit as a hobby and had more thinspo than wall.

A year or two After I bindged... and bindged and I just kept eating, much of which due to depression. I am now 222.8 lbs. I am stage 3 obese. I am reverse thinspo. I want to die rather than look at myself in the mirror. I don't understand why my husband married me.

The only thing that keeps me going is weirdly enough the fact I'd pick "dying skinny" over "living fat".

So I will lay in bed, completly exauted from a calorie deficit of over 1800 a day and not eat. My mother, incredibly proud of me for losing 10lbs.

I still fear that the lingering depression is going to get to me and I will bindge my way into the grave. Or worse, I will starve myself and never see results.

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[Discussion] Anyone else here obsessed with wanting a perfect body fat % rather than low weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 12:44:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/699g2o/anyone_else_here_obsessed_with_wanting_a_perfect/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Damn you Goldfish!!!
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Thu May 4 12:03:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6996e3/damn_you_goldfish/
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I was on a binge-less streak all week until just now. Why? WHY MUST CHEDDAR GOLDFISH EXIST??

I got 3.5 servings in (out of 6) before I snapped out of it and poured out the rest of the bag. I'm going to be in the gym all night trying to mitigate damage. :'(

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] it was never real.
/u/bir_die [🌼 5'8" | 105.2 | 15.82 | GW: 111 | 23 Bird 🌼]
Created: Thu May 4 10:46:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/698oqw/rant_it_was_never_real/
---
Yesterday was a lot. I'm still sorting through it and trying to make sense of where I'm at, but you know. ~Emotions~.

My ED was never real until I said it out loud. Not that I stood there like "I have an eating disorder. Do not touch me"; little slips as I panicked and knew he'd know if I was lying. And it wouldn't have happened if I didn't have that stupid short shift and he didn't injure himself at work. I could've gone home after work and eaten my dumb anorexic food in peace. Serendipity never seems to work in my favor. Or my EDs favor. Whichever, I guess.

Like how I wasn't "allowed" to enjoy food- or even eat- around him anymore. My own rule, obviously. And he *apologized*. Genuinely. This is a man who never apologizes, and taught me to keep hold of that word so that it has meaning. That most people use it due to their own guilt- so never, ever use it that way. And he wasn't guilty. He honestly felt bad because, as he said- he *knew*. He knew the signs and my habits and let the joke slip anyway, and that it was wrong.

I had said I was eating nothing that night. He said he wouldn't eat either, then. That isn't allowed, either. He *needs* to eat. He is an Unhealthy Weight. He can't afford to starve. I tried to ignore his refusal to eat and dragged him around the store and babbled on about what he should eat and what he should pack for lunches- that he really *oughta* pack lunches since he rarely eats lunch at all. The whole time dropping little things- I would Eat when I was 111. Liking food is Bad. It would be Unbad once I hit 111. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen do look awful, yes. They are not idols. I hadn't had anything except oatmeal and 2 quest bars the day before. He finally stopped and said he'd put everything back if I kept yammering about things that weren't happening if I wasn't going to feed myself. I still rolled my eyes and told him he absolutely would eat. He didn't have to be dragged into this. And then he dropped the bomb- this would be the last night we see each other if I didn't pick something out to eat. Then I can finally be alone to starve in peace.

I've never prioritized anything quicker. It really, really showed me where I'm at with everything. It was like this split-second-but-forever moment where my ED felt like it was roaring in my ears that fine, *fine*; he doesn't love us anyway. But he cares about me. I know it beyond a fact. Maybe never going to call it L O V E- but it's much more than he's given someone else in a very, very long time. And I've fought *hard* to keep this boy around. Why the FUCK would I throw it away for 2 pounds (maybe 6 more?). Obviously, miss don't-let-food-sit-fine-just-purge is still kicking and screaming and making me take a half-hour to find something to eat because I decided worst case, I'd get something reasonable. Eat a small amount. Baby bites. Yet, I needed to think about showing him I could progress and stay around for him. Stay as healthy as I could keep myself. So it was like do I get bagels or boca burgers (which he actually suggested but getting my Actual Anorexic(tm) Food sounded totally nutscrazyabsolutelynot) or just a salad or a fucking head of lettuce until I just nabbed goldfish crackers and teddy grams and scurried off after him. As he's gimping around on a bum leg and not even supposed to be on it. Hoo boy. Am I a fucking turdgoblin or what? Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Then we got home. He let me have quiet and put on funny animal videos because he knows I can't help but laugh even in the midst of a mental breakdown and we watched ghost in the shell (and I am half the size of every girl in that movie. I don't understand anything anymore). When we did eat- and I ate everything he gave me (bless him for giving me small portions); he turned away. It looked casual, like he was just lounging conveniently where he wasn't facing me; but I know it was intentional. He knew I'd still have Issues with him seeing me disgustingly eat and even slightly enjoy goddamn manicotti which is delicious (you win again, Italians). And he just... he kept me around. I slept over. I woke up to him holding me and pulling me close. He put up with so, so much yesterday. So much drama from work and mostly me. And I always try so, so hard to never bring that (okay, so I end up throwing a tantrum like once every three months) to him since it's exhausting and he has his own struggles to deal with. I'm grown, I've been handling myself alone since I was a wee tot; I don't need to pull him down into my hole of shit and puke.

So now I'm at an impasse. I weighed 110 this morning. Dehydrated and empty, sure. But 110 is 110. Which means I am going to hit 111. Even if he says losing 2 pounds would be a lot for where my body is at.

But 111 111 111 is so close. I know, i 100% know and *will* at least maintain and maybe even dip a toe in recovery when I'm there. I can be 111 in a week and no-one will know except me. And then I'll shut my ED up and be Normal. Sort of. Maybe. I don't know. My thighs are still ginormous. I have back fat and can barely see my hip bones back there. Also my tummy pooches out.

I dunno my main peeps, what the fuck is going on like why the hell is anyone being patient and kind to me and he said *I* was being too nice to him all of the time but he did this! He talked me into eating when I was outright refusing and goddamn *set* on finally being perfect around him! He pushed me and talked to his managers about me with such good words so I can get a job he knows I'd love which is where he works which he loves and means I could potentially ruin and he got me the most thoughtful Christmas gift and was the only one besides my parents to make my birthday nice and he just doesn't stop and I can't do enough for him.

And a large part of me knows kicking my ED is a kindness to him. He actually doesn't want me to fade away or watch me get more and more sick.

But god *dammit* the regular BMI puts me so close to 17 if I'm 111. Which is Unacceptable. I must be 16 in both. 15 is so much more ideal.

In other news: for real, manicotti is bomb. It's like a little baby single-serve rolled up lasagne. I bet there's a low-cal recipe somewhere and it will be *mine*.

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[Rant/Rave] I don't actually believe I have an ED, but I'm being pushed to go inpatient for it.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | I don't want to compete anymore | F]
Created: Thu May 4 09:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69877s/i_dont_actually_believe_i_have_an_ed_but_im_being/
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I feel like I've lied to and manipulated everyone around me to make them believe I have an eating disorder when I don't actually have one. Because, when my therapist and mother suggested I go into residential treatment for my ED, I was kind of shocked. Because I don't truly feel like I have an eating disorder. I have a bmi of nearly 20. I don't regularly restrict or purge or binge anymore. Even if I actually believed I had an ED, I would feel like such a fraud if I went inpatient.

I don't fucking know. There is a good chance that I'm so deep in my ED that I can't see how bad it is. But, even then, I wouldn't go into residential. I don't have hope that things can get better. Oh, AND I AM NOT GOING TO BE FUCKING FORCED TO GAIN WEIGHT. Because I fucking bet they would try to make me gain weight.

I don't know. I don't know what's real. I just know that there is no fucking way I'm going to give up control of what I eat again.

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[Tip] |Tip| Reminder to change the batteries in your scale!
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Thu May 4 09:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6981ae/tip_reminder_to_change_the_batteries_in_your_scale/
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Upon weighing myself this morning the number jumped around from 127 to 125. I noticed that the backlight on my scale was rather dim so i replaced the batteries, let it recalibrate, then tried again. The readings were a consistent 125.2. If your scale is acting a little wonky make sure it's all juiced up before freaking out like me! Lol

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[Rant/Rave] I don't understand how he can look at my body and truly believe it isn't disgusting.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 08:59:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6980eq/i_dont_understand_how_he_can_look_at_my_body_and/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] This is Why I Can't Have Nice Things ~or Defeated By a Bag of Chips
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Thu May 4 07:58:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/697nbs/rant_this_is_why_i_cant_have_nice_things_or/
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I stayed up till two last night, panicking and thinking how my life is going nowhere, I can't change that and my husband doesn't want me to and I can barely drag myself out of bed lately. So of course food comes into play.

Won't go into detail on the mental back and forth I had with myself, but I ended up grabbing something sweet and something savory and saying this will be enough. And I definitely don't need that bag of quest chips.

It was an indulgence I had gotten at the store, something to have when I got bored of all the other protein options I had. But I've been thinking about it for like a week just wanting to try it. And I couldn't actually eat it cause I hadn't earned it. So I ate everything else before I broke down and grabbed the damn bag anyways.

Now I'm just laying in bed waiting for something, idk what. Motivation, inspiration, I seem to have lost something like that recently. I'm so tired and lonely, I can't even bring myself to resist food. The only reason I'm not stuffing my face is cause I won't get up. Just. So tired.

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[Help] Feeling no effect from EC stack?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 06:52:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/697b1o/feeling_no_effect_from_ec_stack/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 4 06:08:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6973sm/weekly_emotional_support_may_04_2017/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 4 06:04:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/697361/daily_food_diary_may_04_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] When do you guys weigh yourselves?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 06:02:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6972nv/when_do_you_guys_weigh_yourselves/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anxious to go beyond a certain weight
/u/maculazy
Created: Thu May 4 03:14:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/696fy6/anxious_to_go_beyond_a_certain_weight/
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I noticed that I always stop or sabotage myself once I reach a certain point. I've lost 10 lbs in the last seven weeks. I reached an adult low weight for me on Sunday (152 pounds at 5 11) and I had a binge on Monday and yesterday. (Both about 1500 above tdee). The scale has gone up 4 pounds which is a bit discouraging even though I know it's most likely water weight. I've only lost 10 pounds so far and I already get a lot more attention from guys which makes me kind of uncomfortable tbh and one of the reasons I never lost more. Will this get worse once I loose more or less once I read a bmi around 18? Ideally I only want to get noticed if I put on make-up and dress up and be 'invisible' the rest of the time. It is also a bit scary to go into low territory (even though I could loose another 20 pounds and still be healthy bmi). I'll be thankful for any tips or experiences.

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[Intro] so sick of starting again
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu May 4 02:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/696d7t/so_sick_of_starting_again/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] if they want to treat me like I'm invisible I'll become invisible
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Wed May 3 21:27:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6957pm/rantrave_if_they_want_to_treat_me_like_im/
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This sounds silly but my sister and I don't get on at all because she is a psycho manipulator. Visiting my dad at the moment and he asked me to text my mom while he was driving. Open his WhatsApp and bam, there's a family group with her in it but not me. The one I'm in is super inactive but this one has them sharing pics, constantly talking etc. I've never felt like part of my family but this kinda seals the deal.

What better motivation to starve though right? If I'm going to treated as invisible I might as well go back to being super thin, and then some, until I'm so light that I disappear completely. I'm so numb and dead inside.

There are three people irl who *really* care about me, one being my SO. He keeps saying he wants to marry me when I get home in July and nothing would make me happier than knowing that someone chooses to be with me forever. At the same time I feel terrible for inflicting myself on such a fundamentally good person who deserves an equivalent.

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I am going to do a 48 hour fast.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 21:24:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6957a9/i_am_going_to_do_a_48_hour_fast/
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[removed]

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[Help] Please help me figure out approximately how many calories this is?
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Wed May 3 21:05:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69541b/please_help_me_figure_out_approximately_how_many/
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[removed]

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[Help] Welp. I am currently being mocked (with photos) on another sub as "grotesque" and a "disgusting pig."
/u/betterthrow [5'7" | CW 175 | GW 145? | BMI 27 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Wed May 3 20:54:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69524r/welp_i_am_currently_being_mocked_with_photos_on/
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This fucking sucks. At least now I have something to look at whenever I feel like eating

Edit: and I'm sorry my flair isn't accurate, I know I'm not specifically asking for help, but the "help" flair just spoke to me

Edit 2, a few days later, but just in case anyone was curious or comes across this later: they did take it down, I ended up taking a break from the internet for a while, but I really do appreciate all the support.

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[Rant/Rave] Finally going to a doctor for vyvanse!
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Wed May 3 20:32:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694ye1/finally_going_to_a_doctor_for_vyvanse/
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I talked to my mom about my binge eating problem and she said she never realized it before, but I am a binge eater (duh). She's making an appointment for me to get vyvanse and maybe I can finally stop overeating and go back to how I used to eat!!!

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[Rant/Rave] I want help but I'm too embarrassed to get it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 20:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694xbs/i_want_help_but_im_too_embarrassed_to_get_it/
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[deleted]

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I collapse too easily wtf do I even do about this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 19:57:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694s7y/i_collapse_too_easily_wtf_do_i_even_do_about_this/
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[removed]

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I love researching foods and calories so much
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 19:33:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694nxy/i_love_researching_foods_and_calories_so_much/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] Update on Topamax progress: omg, this stuff is incredible
/u/lily_nienna [6'3" | CW 154 | GW 145 | bmi 19.3 | - 6 lbs | F]
Created: Wed May 3 19:20:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694lj9/update_on_topamax_progress_omg_this_stuff_is/
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I'm pretty blown away by my progress ever since I started taking Topamax about 2 months ago. Since then I've lost over 10 lbs. On some days, eating just feels so... "foreign" ... This stuff is pretty mind blowing in its efficacy. I'm so satisfied, it feels like I'm back in the game!

\\(^ ^ )/

Now if only I could get rid of this stubborn belly fat... I think I might have elevated cortisol levels, so I've started taking Phosphatidylserine. Hopefully it works out!

Topamax though... Wow

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[Discussion] Anyone else feel like this?
/u/silkangels
Created: Wed May 3 18:35:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694d3v/anyone_else_feel_like_this/
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Does anyone else here feel like not eating is the ultimate "fuck you" to the world? I've been thinking about this a lot and I really feel like this is THE reason I starve myself. I didn't ask to be born, I don't want to go to school, then go to work, then die. My intake is pretty much the only thing that's fully in my control. Restricting is like my own silent revolution. Sorry for the shitpost.

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Need suggestions!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 18:29:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694bx8/need_suggestions/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "Revenge Body" but for an ex-friend
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Wed May 3 18:27:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/694beh/revenge_body_but_for_an_exfriend/
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This girl I used to be best friends with is my height (5'11) and naturally about 125. I'm naturally in the 140 range but restricting moderately keeps me around 127-130. Restricting heavily gets me down just below 120, but that's usually my breaking point, and I snap and eat until I'm around 130 again (ugh).

Not gonna get into why we aren't friends anymore, a) because it's a long story, and b) because I don't wanna give away too many identifying details. But anyway, I want to be thinner than her. Much thinner. So thin that everyone worries about me. So thin that I end up in the hospital. And so thin that she feels bad for how poorly she treated me. It's my #1 motivator to finally REALLY get to a super low weight. I HAVE to be thinner than her. She's smarter and more popular than me, being thinner is the only thing I can possibly beat her at. (That's secondary to the self-destruction motive, though.)

Am I fucking psycho or does anybody else sympathize?

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[Thinspo] New thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 17:22:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693z74/new_thinspo/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] [rant/advice] Major tip (real)
/u/ramalan_88
Created: Wed May 3 17:11:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693wzy/rantadvice_major_tip_real/
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Okay so this isn't any typical, dangerous" "ana goddess butterfly tip". This is a real tip... in relation to those sneaky, greedy people in charge of ad placement.

I remember reading some people who said that while they searched for thinspo and ed-related content on certain sites (I think it was here and tumblr??) they would see fast-food ads.

It's NOT by "coincidence"..
Oh, not by a long shot. Companies sell your data (what you search for example) and target ads that work best for that group. So if you type in "weight loss" you see either diet-pill ads OR the ever so sneakier, clever fast food ads.. who KNOW binging is a common problem within the community. It's not just paranoia.

So what to do?

1. download ad-blocker on your computer
2. I think if you have iphone you can go to settings, then block pop up ads but that doesn't work for apps plus on safari i end up getting redirected randomly to the app store on certain sites... ugh
3. correct me if I'm wrong but the mobile browser for reddit doesn't have ads like the app does
4. this isn't completely related but some people link amazon for the sake of monetization.. there's usually a way to tell depending on the link in the address box (i think there will be a ref= and then numbers and shit
5. go to setting->safari->and click delete all browsing data/history, this helps with ads not targeting you based on your history.. momentarily at least..this is also useful if you get one of those sketchy bullshit virus "pay to get rid of this page or you're fucked" pages that you can't exit out of.


if my information is incorrect or anyone has advice, please let me know.

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[Rant/Rave] [rave/intro] New account and new goals!
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Wed May 3 16:51:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693t3e/raveintro_new_account_and_new_goals/
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Hi guys! New account, I used to use a throwaway here. Anywho, I am officially attempting recovery. My disorder (undiagnosed) has been restricting with cycles of binging. I've been gaining and losing the same 25 pounds for years and I'm tired of it. My new "safe zone" is between 110 and 105. I've maintained that for almost two weeks now and my May goal is to be in that zone all month :)

Stats: 22 years old, 5'3, 109lbs, F :)

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[Discussion] Three Good Things That Happened This Week [Discussion]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Wed May 3 16:04:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693jos/three_good_things_that_happened_this_week/
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Attention lovely people! Following on from my post of "three things you love about yourself" (which was LOVELY to read btw), I have a new topic!

Three good things that happened this week! Let's offset some negativity from our own lives by looking at the positives and reading about good things in other people's lives! These can be weight related or not, it's up to you :)

Here are mine:

* Started a new job! Initially hated it but today was so much better.

* My boyfriend and I haven't argued in AAAAAGGGEEESSS and last night we had a great time ;)

* I am firmly at 60kg for a few days now so I can definitely count it!

If you want to also put three negative things, feel free. This is your space, your time and sometimes you need to expel the bad thoughts by writing them down :) problem shared is a problem halved!

Much love xx

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[Rant/Rave] It's not a lifelong thing
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed May 3 16:00:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693ipm/its_not_a_lifelong_thing/
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so recently I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. They know about my bulimia but just today I was eating with the intention to purge and I hate hated it. I hate that I'm eroding my teeth enamel, I hate that I'm destroying my GI system, my confidence and every thing that happens in the body I physically can't feel or notice yet.

I hate that I get worried about how to AVOID food, I hate that I've let myself get this deep into this shit and I hate that good things are happening in life but all I care to do is self-indulge and self-harm like this.

I'd rather restrict better than purge

Purging ruins everything and breaks down your self image.

At the same time I'm so scared to lose everything that I've done to get this far--I don't want to feel big and out of place and awkward again. I don't want to feel like I'm strong when I feel so small. I would never wish an ED on anyone no one fucking deserves a self-hating life.

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[Help] Scared to lose weight if it means failing my degree
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 15:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693im6/scared_to_lose_weight_if_it_means_failing_my/
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[deleted]

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I did eat anything at all today and I'm binge eating right now.
/u/swords-982
Created: Wed May 3 15:35:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693ddt/i_did_eat_anything_at_all_today_and_im_binge/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Why do people use food as rewards?
/u/letsgetfitnow
Created: Wed May 3 15:31:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693cla/why_do_people_use_food_as_rewards/
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My husband is insisting on taking me out to celebrate doing well on my finals. I could think of better things to spend $50+ on :(

He's so sweet, he doesn't realize this is like punishment, not reward.

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone else ever feel hopeless?
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Wed May 3 15:25:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/693b4p/anyone_else_ever_feel_hopeless/
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I feel like garbage and I'm so ready for a liquids only fast. I feel out of control and sad all the time.
I moved away from my friends and family to be with my boyfriend. He asked me not to get a job so I could chill out and be mentally healthy. Then he started getting more and more frustrated that we didn't have a lot of money.
I moved my dog here with us and he's not super expensive to keep but he's a living creature, he costs money. Well when we got super broke my mom offered to take him until we get our funds together and he freaked out saying that Frank is OUR dog so it's not just my decision. Uhhhh excuse me? Frank is MY dog. So while this all is going on we haven't had sex for quite some time. I'm talking over a year. My boyfriend weightlifts and pressures me to go to the gym with him bc he's jealous of couples that work out together? I'm first we don't have the money for a second gym membership. But also, I get terrible anxiety at the gym. So I started letting my ED take back over my life. I'm talking less than 500cal per day and working out. I lost like ten lb or so since January, with some weeks where I was stress eating bc he's so depressed all the time about his life.
Not once has he said I looked better, not once had he complimented me when I dress up other than "you look nice" even on Valentine's when I was trying to be beautiful. He'll be loving in front of other people, but when we're alone he ignores me completely. If I talk to him he looks past me.
I feel fucking hopeless guys. I'm fat and disgusting, my boyfriend doesn't seem to love me anymore, I can't find a job, and all my friends are back home where I can't visit bc no car.
I'm not expecting anything from anyone, I just needed a place where none of my family can see what I say, where I won't get judged.

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[Goal] It fits! (Best feeling ever!)
/u/deja_daisy [5'2 | CW: Sad! | GW:100]
Created: Wed May 3 15:11:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/69384x/it_fits_best_feeling_ever/
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Swimsuit I bought a while back that was tooo tight and I finally fit in it, 7 days before holidays with my boyfriend! It's a terrible tight fit but a water fast and being vigilant the next few days should mean a better fit for when we are in Thailand next week! So happy but so much more to lose still!

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[Discussion] Feeling too thin
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 58.4| ♂ |]
Created: Wed May 3 14:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692xpz/feeling_too_thin/
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I guess this isn't a problem many people here have lol, but as a male, feeling too thin is a very big part of my life. I always end up staying the same weight due to binge/restricting, and I don't really have a goal.

I have the body of a 12 year old, but my numbers are still too high...

Anyone else with the same problem?

---

[Discussion] (TW:SH) DAE use starving as a form of self harm?
/u/blushinggloom
Created: Wed May 3 14:22:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692ww5/twsh_dae_use_starving_as_a_form_of_self_harm/
---
I love feeling the pain of hunger in my stomach and the noises it makes. I'm too much of a wimp to cut myself so here I am...

---

[Discussion] I am really bad at wording posts. Sidebar says MFP requests are ok, looking for others to add.
/u/deadlikeisaac
Created: Wed May 3 14:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692ube/i_am_really_bad_at_wording_posts_sidebar_says_mfp/
---
Not sure what to put as flair. Automod got my last post, I think because I said bud instead of friend.


To protect ourselves, send me a PM and I'll send you my username. That way we're not searchable, and you don't have to say yours first if you don't want to.


Feel welcome to leave a comment of you want more MFPals for yourself, too. :)

---

Anyone want to be MFP buddies?
/u/deadlikeisaac
Created: Wed May 3 14:00:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692rpz/anyone_want_to_be_mfp_buddies/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I want to starve to death
/u/daintiestdoll
Created: Wed May 3 13:12:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692h26/i_want_to_starve_to_death/
---
Anyone else feel this way? I've been wanting to die since I was a little girl, and I often think starving to death would be nice because I would die doing what I love and I would die skinny. I know it sounds lame and emo as fuck but I can't be the only one. I realized that this is what my goal is. I don't want to lose weight so I can be skinny and live a better life, I want to be dead so bad. I daydream about this a lot. About not eating for so long my body finally gives up. It feels so good in a sick sort of way. Sorry I'm on mobile

---

[Other] Lol I just burst out crying because of a smoothie
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Wed May 3 13:05:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692fea/lol_i_just_burst_out_crying_because_of_a_smoothie/
---
I was just going to have a banana for lunch but then I couldn't open the damn thing so I decided to just have nothing. But my mom decided to make me a nice banana-PB2-chocolate smoothie with that banana. She told me to drink it and then she had to go, so I'm stuck staring at this delicious smoothie that I really want. But I can't have it. And then all of a sudden I bawled my eyes out for like two minutes, and now I think I'm just gonna leave the smoothie in the fridge and hope she sees it and finally fucking notices that something's up? Idk what I hoped to achieve by writing this but thanks for listening I guess.

---

[Rant/Rave] My teacher said I "weighed less than my backpack" today.
/u/iamthedonquixote [5'5" | CW:115 | 19.1 | GW: 109 | F]
Created: Wed May 3 12:59:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692dxy/my_teacher_said_i_weighed_less_than_my_backpack/
---
My English teacher (who is quite small, I might add) picked up my 25 pound backpack and said "Wow, iamthedonquixote, is this your backpack? It weighs more than you!"

*laughs* "No, it doesn't."

"Yea," she says, "it does!"

This was all a very lighthearted conversation, but needless to say, I was very happy and it was quite interesting to know that my teacher thinks of me as thin. Now, I certainly don't think of myself that way, but what she said certainly lit my day up.

---

[Rant/Rave] Feeling so powerful :')
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 118.5 | 19.72/19.95 | GW: 114 | F]
Created: Wed May 3 12:53:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692cl2/feeling_so_powerful/
---
Stood up to my boyfriend who has gotten into the nasty habit of criticizing me and all my decisions lately. I criticize myself enough, I don't need that shit. Then I went to the gym as an outlet for my frustration. Just got back and the scale read in the 1-teens (119.2 with clothes and food in/on me!) for the first time in months :) I can't stop smiling. I wish you guys the best of days as well. Remember to appreciate the small victories!

---

[Discussion] Body comparison websites
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Wed May 3 12:38:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6929bt/body_comparison_websites/
---
Does anyone else look at those body comparison websites like "My Body Gallery" and assume people are lying about their height/weight because they don't look thin enough? And then I always worry that it's accurate and I'll be huge forever.

---

[Discussion] Pressure to lose = binging??
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW: 134 lbs | -21 lbs | GW: 110 lbs | F]
Created: Wed May 3 12:38:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/692944/pressure_to_lose_binging/
---
I'm trying to understand how I went from being super motivated/on track to binging nonstop since this month started. I tried to be more laid back in March/April with my restriction and that resulted in me having the actual energy to workout and losing 5 lbs with a more toned body.

I was so freaking excited for this month because I was finally on the right path, and I kept thinking "If I keep this up, then I could easily lose 7-10 lbs in May!" I think all of that excitement made me feel pressured and now I'm trying to stop this binge cycle in its tracks. I'm so frustrated! I gained 2 lbs in two days, my mental state doesn't feel as positive as it has been, and my body feels wacky because I switched from a good eating schedule to going full out crazy binge mode.

Does anyone else have issues with binging when they put pressure on themselves to meet certain goals?

---

[Thinspo] Art Thinspo Album: Giacometti
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Wed May 3 12:32:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6927sb/art_thinspo_album_giacometti/
---
http://imgur.com/a/fyyEj

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[Other] Wanting to tell someone but can't...
/u/religiousdogmom [5'5.75 | CW151 | GW115 | BMI 24.6 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 3 12:05:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6921n3/wanting_to_tell_someone_but_cant/
---
Sorry, I'm on mobile so I can't flair.

I'm relapsing hard. I've been in recovery for about 3 years and now it's just floating away and I don't care. It's like a switch flipped in my mind. Before I couldn't restrict past 1300 calories, and now I'm eating less than that every day for the most part. I'm aiming for 700 but eating about 1000 usually. I ate 1208 yesterday and felt so bad.... Mostly because the day before I ate 2400. I'm such a fatass. But today I'm on track for less than 700. Crossing my fingers I have the self control.

The weird part is its not even about the weight, it's about the control aspect. I just want to eat less and be less.

I keep wanting to tell someone but then they worry. And then they want to help. I just want to be sick and in control.

---

[Rant/Rave] I lost control and now I'm at my highest weight.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 11:56:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/691zjy/i_lost_control_and_now_im_at_my_highest_weight/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone sleep less and have more energy when fasting?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM
Created: Wed May 3 10:59:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/691m7m/anyone_sleep_less_and_have_more_energy_when/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Stress ate half a box of cereal :-)
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Wed May 3 10:54:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/691kz5/stress_ate_half_a_box_of_cereal/
---
"Happy" finals week to everyone in college!! I have an exam in an hour, so obviously the answer to dealing with my stress was eating 5 servings (550 cals) worth of pumpkin cereal (probably stale too cause it's from halloween)! Now I'm stressed AND I have stomach cramps!!

At least summer break is in two weeks where I can lock myself inside my house & lay in bed all day not thinking about food (or thinking about it way too much and going crazy)!

---

[Meme/Humor] Damn almonds
/u/GiveMeASmosh [5''2' | 101.2lb | 18.5 | -13lb | f]
Created: Wed May 3 10:54:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/691kwk/damn_almonds/
---
https://i.redd.it/785op0jdfbvy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Can anything really compare to the high from fasting?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed May 3 09:57:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6917ha/can_anything_really_compare_to_the_high_from/
---
How come when I don't eat, the world gets better? My stomach really has this much control over my whole environment? I'm doing a longer fast this week and I can never believe how much of a difference it makes. I used to fast all the time at my LW, but when I started purging again it wasn't really an option.

Times slows, senses are heightened, things are just generally more pleasant. The brain produces one hell of a drug. Some may see fasting as punishment, but it's such a reward to me.

---

[Rant/Rave] 9am
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Wed May 3 09:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6916x3/9am/
---
I had a rediculous dream that my husband found my username and confronted me about eating even though I'm 30 lbs from my goal and have been here for almost a year due to...

Binging 4 times a week. Like today. It's not even 9am and I've had 1300cal.

Last night I ate about 2500cal from 7pm to 8:30pm.

I'm depressed and sick and I can't stop. Every night I lay in bed and grab my disgusting soft thighs and stomach. I promise tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will eat to live, not live to eat. Then I look at a dirty plate and napkin and vaguely remember eating any of it, but knowing I did because of the sick feeling in my throat.

I want to cry. I can't stop. I hate myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] My bf sent me this bc I've been going to the gym and all I can think of is wow gr8 she has a small waist and big thighs so proportionate and soft and I'm just here with my muscular hard thighs and a big ol gut. I'm so disproportionate fml. Thanks.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 09:22:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690zv2/my_bf_sent_me_this_bc_ive_been_going_to_the_gym/
---
https://imgur.com/D31v4qZ

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[Help] Does ephedrine effect your mind the way phentermine does?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 09:19:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690z7v/does_ephedrine_effect_your_mind_the_way/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] The only positive thing about depression
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 08:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690pzz/the_only_positive_thing_about_depression/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] 40 hours into my fast
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 08:24:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690nek/40_hours_into_my_fast/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Taller than I thought I was!
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Wed May 3 08:23:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690n5x/taller_than_i_thought_i_was/
---
I was talking to my niece, and she just got measured at the doctor and is 5'3". I also thought I was that height, but when I stood next to her, I was taller! I re-measured myself and I am actually 5'5"!! That doesn't sound like that much better, but that means that my bmi is within a healthy range, and is lower than I thought!

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[Other] MFP isn't giving 8 week weight predictions anymore.
/u/svoots [5'2| GW 95 lbs]
Created: Wed May 3 08:12:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690kxy/mfp_isnt_giving_8_week_weight_predictions_anymore/
---
https://imgur.com/gallery/iLjmh

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Is this a circle jerk sub or???
/u/Anishency
Created: Wed May 3 08:03:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690j14/is_this_a_circle_jerk_sub_or/
---
[removed]

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[Help] My partner is dealing with BED, i want to ask you guys for advice on how I can help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 07:59:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/690i8e/my_partner_is_dealing_with_bed_i_want_to_ask_you/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Accidental fast
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 06:17:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zysq/accidental_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant/rave) If you love Starbucks but don't want to pay $6 for a drink ....
/u/crcarpen
Created: Wed May 3 06:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zya8/rantrave_if_you_love_starbucks_but_dont_want_to/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 3 06:07:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zx7b/way_to_go_wednesday_may_03_2017/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 03, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 3 06:05:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zwsb/daily_food_diary_may_03_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I just tried to make savoury oatmeal and I'm so disturbed by the outcome
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F 🌱]
Created: Wed May 3 04:50:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zlad/i_just_tried_to_make_savoury_oatmeal_and_im_so/
---
I'm traumatised.

I ate it all because I'd been saving my calories for it all day. Omfg. I feel so ill. That was fucked up y'all. Never again. Stick to normal fucking oatmeal. I never want to eat again and I'm so damn full.

RIP.

---

[Rant/Rave] Binged in the morning... can't recommend
/u/wickedaddicted
Created: Wed May 3 04:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zla0/binged_in_the_morning_cant_recommend/
---
Hi guys started a new account since I found out a friend knows my other username lol.. not ready to out myself.

Anyways I've been traveling recently and just got home so my sleeping/eating schedule has been really weird.

I usually binge at night, like when I know I won't be leaving the house again and before I go to bed. But because of the weird jetlag, last night I slept from 9pm to 2am, was up 2am to 5am (ate 400 cal in that time), then slept 5am to 9am and then inexplicably binged with another ~2200. My TDEE is like 1400 so... lol. I just ate 2 days of food in like half an hour. and I was doing so well with restricting the past few days. :(


I feel so bloated and my stomach is sticking out, my mouth is so dry but I physically can't drink any more water than I already have. I have classes in the afternoon and even a quiz and I just want to skip everything even though I really shouldn't because finals are coming up. I tried getting dressed but of course I look so fucking fat in everything and I can't put together an outfit that isn't crazy uncomfortable and hides my stomach. I never had this problem before because I usually binge at night and so I'm just at home in my pajamas. Ugh binging in the morning is so shitty.

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[Rant/Rave] Scale says I'm 48kg or 53kg. Ffs.
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Wed May 3 04:24:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zhxd/scale_says_im_48kg_or_53kg_ffs/
---
(rant) So I just weighed myself and the scale said 48kg?! Then 49kg?! Then 53.3kg?! Then 52kg?!

Omg how am I supposed to know how much I weigh??? I tried it on different areas of the floor, it's flat and even. That fucking scale had amazing reviews on Amazon as well...
Does anyone just restrict and not weigh themselves?? Cos I guess that's what I'll have to do.

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[Discussion] eating with parents..
/u/strawberrykittenx
Created: Wed May 3 03:40:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68zcai/eating_with_parents/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Kind of an unexpected win :~)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed May 3 01:41:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68yydu/kind_of_an_unexpected_win/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] One of my favorite childhood foods used to be frosting. I found a way to kinda indulge again!
/u/nerrdygrrl15 [5'5" | 106.4 | 17.6]
Created: Wed May 3 01:25:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ywgg/one_of_my_favorite_childhood_foods_used_to_be/
---
The Yoplait Greek 100 Whip in vanilla cupcake tastes almost EXACTLY like a tub of vanilla frosting, just less sickly sweet, and it's got the same texture! I feel like I've discovered something beautiful :')

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[Other] Just did my first EC stack before working out...
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Wed May 3 01:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68yvlf/just_did_my_first_ec_stack_before_working_out/
---
Holy fucking shit. I loved it. I did 2 straight hours of cardio no problem, and although I pigged out today I had a 300 cal defecit from CICO.

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Licking the dust off takis
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Wed May 3 00:39:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68yqoo/licking_the_dust_off_takis/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Goddamnit
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 50kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Wed May 3 00:38:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68yqgy/goddamnit/
---
I enjoy cooking.
I'm the type of Asian that cooks with a lot of rice.

Anyways, I had to taste some of it because I had to know if it was done and add some colouring on top. So of course I take like one or two grains of rice.

Immediately my brain goes "Wonder how many calories that was. I bet it broke my fast." Wtf. Who in the world is weird enough to guesstimate how many calories are IN ONE GRAIN OF RICE?!?

---

[Rant/Rave] The only good thing about struggling between binge eating and heavy restriction
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 3 00:31:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68yph2/the_only_good_thing_about_struggling_between/
---
Is that even when the restriction wins out and I lose weight, the binging is often enough to keep me from dropping an alarming amount, so I never have to worry about anyone suspecting a problem and confronting me or Having a Very Serious Conversation With Me About My Health.

When I binge, I very rarely purge anymore. So that means that when I do, it's easy to fake food poisoning or general nausea or even my gallbladder, which was removed and left me with upset stomach issues in the wake of its removal.

No one will ever ask me why I'm not eating, because most people close to me (like my boyfriend) have seen me either gorge on the one meal I've allotted myself all day, or go nuts on some food during a binge day.

I don't have my typical binges in front of anyone, but my boyfriend has seen me eat my fair share. Little does he know that every day is a battle between "I've eaten 200 calories in two days and been working out" or "I ate most of my food in one sitting, I ate it all until my stomach hurt and I didn't want it anymore and I don't even know why I ate it."

I don't want to struggle with this forever, this battle with food. I don't want to feel like food is a punishment or a crutch or that my ability to restrict until I feel hollow is some great merit on my self control.

But I also don't want to get better right now, because when I restrict to the point of actually not being hungry anymore, it's like all the other shit in my life fades to white noise. Bills and work problems and family issues are soft static compared to the triumphant ache in my stomach that reminds me that everything is spinning out of control but at least I'm in control of *this*.

---

[Rant/Rave] April was hard. [vent]
/u/semiformal_slug
Created: Tue May 2 23:12:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68yeq5/april_was_hard_vent/
---
I was really hoping for some willpower to pull me through it without binges but it feels like I overate for weeks on end. Logically I know that I never ate more than a regular person, but why does it always feel like everything I shove in my greedy, disgusting mouth is 10x more horrible than it actually is? I went up in weight.. Here's to a no-binge may? If I want to be beautiful and delicate I need to stop eating so much... I hate the body I'm stuck with.

Does anyone else ever have this stupid, impossible dream to just restart their life for the sole purpose of a 'new' body?

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm going to America to see my favorite band and all I can think about is that I'm going to be able to find SO MANY DIET PRODUCTS!
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue May 2 22:05:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68y4fz/im_going_to_america_to_see_my_favorite_band_and/
---
This is kinda sad, but I'm so fucking PUMPED to go to Walmart. Or Whole Foods. Or Trader Joes. Or Aldi. Omg, omg. You guys don't know how good you have it :') Halo Top, PB2, 90 calorie wraps, Kodiak Cakes, FiberOne Brownies, Questbars, Enlightened Ice Cream, Weightwatchers products, sugarfree Jell—o, sugarfree cookies, Diet Mountain Dew...

If you see someone in your local Walmart holding 4 bottles of Diet Pepsi and runnning in circles, it's probably me lol

Also, if you like punk, go listen to 4st 7lbs by Manic Street Preachers. Just trust me on this one.

Edit: YOU GUYS HAVE LIKE 400 DIFFERENT MONSTERS AS WELL IM GONNA,CRY AND YOUVE GOT THE GOOD SUBWAY STUFF THIS ISNT FAIR

@americans please add more cool stuff you've got in the comment section so I can start making a shopping list :')

Rant/rave

---

[Discussion] Do you ever lie about your age/gender/height to get a more accurate result from weight loss calculators?
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -11 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Tue May 2 21:24:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xxk6/do_you_ever_lie_about_your_agegenderheight_to_get/
---
I'm eighteen, but every time I get on Losertown or any other calorie calculator, I say I'm 40 or 45.

I have no idea why I do this; maybe I just feel like it'll give me a more realistic result? It says I should be under my UGW a year from now this way so hey.

Edit: on mobile so can't flair, but [discussion]

---

[Tip] 8 oz of noodles for only 20 calories!!!
/u/hungryhippie77
Created: Tue May 2 21:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xwgf/8_oz_of_noodles_for_only_20_calories/
---
They're called Shiritaki noodles, they're made of tofu but are shaped like standard noodles.

https://www.amazon.com/Tofu-Shirataki-Noodles-Spaghetti-Shape/dp/B000AQJRWG/ref=sr_1_6_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1493781015&sr=8-6&keywords=shirataki

Per package:
20 calories,
1 gram fat,
0 cholesterol,
30 mg Sodium,
26 mg Potassium,
6 grams total carbs,
4 grams dietary fiber,
0 grams soluble fiber,
4 grams insoluble fiber,
~1 gram protein.

So far I've seen them shaped as fettuccine, spaghetti, and angel hair.
If you do a quick google search on them they are listed for $12.00 but I've purchased them for $2.00 at my local grocery store. Also, check Asian markets they'll be even less there, and of course check Amazon.


I LOVE THEM. They are a little weird smelling when you unpackage them but there are instructions on the package about rinsing them to remove the smell. They taste almost identical to real noodles when they're plain and they're undifferentiatable when they are mixed with some veggies or tomato sauce or something.

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[Rant/Rave] Thigh gap achieved but still not satisfied.
/u/OortLimit [5'0|CW:93|BMI:18.16|GW:87|22F]
Created: Tue May 2 21:00:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xtha/thigh_gap_achieved_but_still_not_satisfied/
---
[removed]

---

[Thinspo] new here, sharing my thinspo & reverse thinspo folder!
/u/skinnyurges
Created: Tue May 2 20:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xqmb/new_here_sharing_my_thinspo_reverse_thinspo_folder/
---
https://imgur.com/a/gH8DW

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[Rant/Rave] Can't tell if I'm smaller or my pants are just stretched :(
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Tue May 2 20:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xosu/cant_tell_if_im_smaller_or_my_pants_are_just/
---
Cant flair I am truly sorry, robot mods.

I feel super fucking huge today/lately. I'm pretty sure I gained although I haven't been able to get around a scale first thing in the morning in a while.
My pants are a good amount looser (ones that used to be skin tight). My logic is telling me I'm smaller but I really think they probably just stretched out...
Ugh, fuck this disease. It's SO confusing.
Is it possible to look bonier even with more body fat? I think I might be smaller but more muscular. I look less bony and it kind of makes me sad, but over all if I am smaller in my clothes I guess that's what counts 🤔🙃

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[Goal] Diet soda and chicken?
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Tue May 2 20:24:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xn6b/diet_soda_and_chicken/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] why won't it show on the damn scale?
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Tue May 2 20:17:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xlyy/rant_why_wont_it_show_on_the_damn_scale/
---
I've been trying to do high restriction for a while to keep my boyfriend from worrying and because I haven't been able to restrict the way I used to since I tried to recover about a year ago. Anyways, I've been working out and eating between 800-1300 calories and my body is looking and feeling way better. My stomach is getting firm and it's flattening, my thighs are shrinking again, my hip bones are peeking out, and my jeans are looser. But the god damned scale won't move! I've been fluctuating around 119-123 and it won't stay below 120 or get any lower! I'm getting so frustrated and I really hate my routine because I want to fast all day but I physically can't because of how my day works. I'm in high school and we have open campus lunch so my brother and I come home for lunch every day and my mom always makes us lunch and she would never let me get away with eating nothing. I can't even keep my calories below like 600 because the only way I can do that is if I keep all my calories for the very end of the day. Why won't the scale just move???

TL;DR I'm getting skinnier and my body looks better but I'm still at 120 which is too much in my mind for my 5'6" frame

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[Rant/Rave] SERVING SIZES.
/u/flowenflower [5'2 | CW: 93 | 17.57 | GW: 89 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 20:15:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xllg/serving_sizes/
---
hey people, long-time lurker blowing off some steam because only the people here would get me. also mobile and can't flair.

do prepackaged servings fuck with anyone else's mind? i had two of these little prepackaged raisin bran cereal bowls for 130cal each, and upon reading the nutrition facts more thoroughly i see this:

1 serving = 1 bowl = 1oz

but lo and behold, the bowl was actually 1.25oz and i felt kinda deceived, tbh. i calculated those extra calories for the .25oz per bowl and my calorie count came to 325 for both instead of 260. and i'm still really upset??

i've been restricting to mostly 600 or less for a while now so i really try to squeeze in as much quality as i can in that amount, and it upsets me that over 60 calories went unaccounted for. i also had a can of chicken noodle soup that specifically said "about 90 calories per serving".

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ABOUT 90. I NEED A DEFINITE ANSWER, DAMMIT. I'M NOT SATISFIED WITH YOUR ABOUTS. so it's been making me freak out all day that my count is actually around 650ish and not 580 according to the labels.

i know serving sizes will never be 100% accurate and labels are allowed a 30% margin of error or something, but it doesn't make me any less upset. gah. just imagine all of those unaccounted for calories. here i could be thinking one day my intake was ~400 when really it was like 600 or 700 or worse. :/

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[Other] DAE cry in bed every night because they really don't want to have to live another day?
/u/svoots [5'2| UGW 95 lbs]
Created: Tue May 2 20:07:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xjz4/dae_cry_in_bed_every_night_because_they_really/
---
because me too

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[Discussion] Anyone here from PTA/PT2?
/u/abby___normal [5'5" | 120 | 20 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 19:39:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xekt/anyone_here_from_ptapt2/
---
Just curious how much crossover that corner of the internet has with reddit.

Even if anyone's from the original PrettyThin (or that god-awful Wordpress reincarnation - FUCK YOU JAMES)

I have been a member over there for nearly 7 years. They are like family now. I'd love to know if any of you are over here too.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Does anyone else think compliments are lies?
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Tue May 2 19:31:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68xd33/discussion_does_anyone_else_think_compliments_are/
---
idk how to explain this but basically, anytime i receive a compliment from a teacher or interviewer or whatever (as in not in my body) i just assume they're lying and don't really think that

this sounds crazy but like today i was explain an idea i had for a paper to my professor and she just said "nice that sounds really cool can't wait to read it" and i just feel like she was being disingenuous and thinks the opposite and only told me that to say something

i know this sounds crazy but i just can't accept that i would have any redeemable qualities lmao

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[Rant/Rave] I miss desserts, genuinely
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 19:11:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68x9c9/i_miss_desserts_genuinely/
---
i miss regular eating so, SO badly. i watch recipe videos and dessert videos and i just sob because i could never let myself eat that anymore. it doesn't even seem like a choice. don't get me wrong, i binge like crazy, but only on meats and bread. i can't even touch cake/chocolate anymore without being overwhelmed with guilt.

it's so sad to see everyone go about their life enjoying cupcakes and stuff. it just hit me so hard and i wanted to get it off my chest. i hate the calorie counting and the constant fear and the calculations. i hate the obsession. obviously everyone hates their illness but i'm just venting here so. yeah, thanks.

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[Goal] I did not binge today for the first time in a month!!!
/u/SquanchThisBitch [5'6"| CW ugh | GW 115 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 19:01:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68x7an/i_did_not_binge_today_for_the_first_time_in_a/
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Yesterday I was so exhausted and absolutely sick of eating. I was at the point where I was just binging every night because it had become a habit. I wasn't even tasting the food anymore. I purged and went to bed disgusted with myself yet again.

I really don't know what changed today. I was kind of just going through the motions and I was fed up with over-obsessing about food every second. My plan was to keep it under 1000 for the day, just to get something going.

7pm came around, my usual binge time, and I caught myself surveying the pantry. I was already feeling the guilt and anxiety, but I told myself to just get out of the kitchen for five minutes. I know what happens when I binge, so I wanted to see if I could just postpone my usual binge for a little bit and think it over. I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and I plan on chewing it until bed. I feel like a load of stress has been lifted from me. It's so refreshing to not be binging right now and I am so excited to have finally just stopped for one night. I am so excited to go to bed without being disgusted. I am so sick of food and everything and I hate thinking about it all the time. Ugh sorry for the rant/rave/long post (on mobile and cant flair lol) but I am quite happy tonight

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[Tip] My favorite 0-calorie snack.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 18:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68x1m7/my_favorite_0calorie_snack/
---
Okay, this is kind of psycho.

You know those make-your-own-popsicle trays? Like, [these](http://www.craftychild.com/image-files/strawberry-icecream.jpg)?

I fill them with water, stick them in the freezer, and lick them like they're a real popsicle. It somehow tricks my brain into thinking I'm consuming something, and really helps my oral fixation.

So if anybody else is a weirdo and wants to try it, I highly recommend.

---

[Thinspo] Gemma Ward thinspo
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 18:22:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68x02p/gemma_ward_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/l4vxq

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[Rant/Rave] Why isn't anyone worried about me?
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 116.5 | GW ??]
Created: Tue May 2 18:16:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68wys3/why_isnt_anyone_worried_about_me/
---
I've lost 45 lbs so rapidly this year, and lately I've gotten lots of compliments. But each one feels worse. I want to shake people and yell: don't compliment me! That means I used to look fat and now I just look normal! I want to SCARE YOU with how thin I am! I want you to know I need help!!!


But no ones asked if I'm ok. Asked how I'm doing. Made sure I'm not doing anything unhealthy. I feel like I have no one in my life who cares enough to be worried about me, and it makes me realize how much of a cry for help this all is. A cry no one's answering, and its been months. I feel absolutely pathetic realizing that.


This is the first day I've felt a little bit of pain that no one is worried or even remotely concerned about me. Feels bad duuuude 😢

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[Help] How to help my exhaustion?
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Tue May 2 15:57:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68w7e5/how_to_help_my_exhaustion/
---
hey so like a lot of you I'm guessing I am fucking exhausted all the time. Partially from a restrictive diet but also partially from having severe depression as well as a heavy work load. I'm in my last year of sixth form at the minute and my exams are next month but I can't get any work done because all I need to do is nap all the fucking time. I know "eat more" is the obvious solution but lets be real here I'm not going to do that, plus it wouldn't help my depression either. I hate coffee and tea and currently rely on zero cal energy drinks to get me into school but they're so inconvenient as I have to have like 3 to even feel it. I'm thinking of temporarily getting some caffeine pills to perk me up just for the next two months for my exams then I'll address my issues in summer.
Is this a good idea? Recommendations for pills (preferably off of amazon)?

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[Other] (x-posted) Anyone else joining Dreamwidth to relive the nostalgia and support of the LiveJournal community days?
/u/b0rg_queen
Created: Tue May 2 15:47:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68w6h0/xposted_anyone_else_joining_dreamwidth_to_relive/
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https://www.dreamwidth.org/

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[Rant/Rave] I didn't go to Wendy's.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue May 2 15:39:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68w4qt/i_didnt_go_to_wendys/
---
I went out to my car for a cigarette break at work earlier, and when I was done I was sitting with the keys in the ignition thinking, "You know, I could just go and get a Jr. Cheeseburger, it's only like 290 calories."

I even went as far as putting it in MFP -- and thank god for building that habit of putting every fucking thing in MFP, because seeing that number go up from 110 from my lunch to 400 stopped me. I didn't need to be going into dinner time later already at 400 calories when my goal for the entire day is to stay under 600.

Now, I can go after work and pick up something from Wendy's for dinner if I really want to.

Edit: Because I waited, I went to Wendy's for dinner, got a Spicy Chicken sandwich (my favorite), and ended the day at 620. Success!

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[Thinspo] ANTM Jourdan
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Tue May 2 15:35:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68w406/antm_jourdan/
---
http://imgur.com/a/lAcF4

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[Discussion] Write down your cravings here instead of eating them! [Discussion]
/u/winding_wisteria
Created: Tue May 2 14:54:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vuxx/write_down_your_cravings_here_instead_of_eating/
---
When you first get that craving, write it down here and think about it no more. :)


All mine are from watching TV commercials hehe. 😂

❤️SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS 🍝

❤️PENNE ALLÁ VODKA 🍝

❤️SPECIAL K W/ FREEZE DRIED STRAWBERRIES 🍓

❤️SPECIAL K NOURISH BITES 🥜

❤️CHICKEN PARMESAN 🍝

❤️CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH 🥛

......annnnnnd half of them are pastas. Lol though, that's ok.

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[Rant/Rave] Weird nonsense
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 14:39:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vrl1/weird_nonsense/
---
[deleted]

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Found on r/of course that's a thing
/u/mrsalwayswright
Created: Tue May 2 14:37:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vr2o/found_on_rof_course_thats_a_thing/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/ofcoursethatsathing/comments/68tgek/converts_your_weight_to_animals/

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Ben and Jerry's Mono diet?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Tue May 2 14:23:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vo4k/ben_and_jerrys_mono_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Help] I'm scared to weigh myself
/u/StuDented
Created: Tue May 2 14:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vlfm/im_scared_to_weigh_myself/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] No room to my self
/u/Newthrowyaccount [5'2 | CW: 120 | CGW: 115 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 14:09:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vkr2/rant_no_room_to_my_self/
---
My college roommate and I exchanged our class schedules at the beginning of the year. She's the type who never leaves the room except to go to class, even on weekends she tells me "I'm probably not going to leave the building at all." It's really annoying. I rely so much on her leaving for class to get my alone time in. Otherwise I'm barely in the room. Anyway I planned to binge on pancakes today while she was in class, I hate eating in the room otherwise. AND SHE SKIPPED HER CLASS TODAY TO NAP. so now I have a plate of pancakes and I'm so uncomfortable eating them because she's in the room and its a super tiny room. Ugh if I had known she was going to be here I would've eaten them in the library or something but it feels weird to suddenly leave and yeah. And with finals coming up our classes are ending, so I won't get the room to myself at all anymore. Ugh why can't my roommate LEAVE

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[Discussion] What supplements, if any, do you take?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Tue May 2 13:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68vfsf/what_supplements_if_any_do_you_take/
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I was just sitting down to swallow mine and thought it'd be interesting to ask

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[Help] High restriction more difficult than low restriction ? [help]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 13:04:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68v5zc/high_restriction_more_difficult_than_low/
---
[deleted]

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[PSA] Reminders: This is not a diet/motivation sub. Please read all side bar rules before posting.
/u/somanyjellyrolls [5'5" | 108.5 | 18.27 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 13:01:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68v58m/psa_reminders_this_is_not_a_dietmotivation_sub/
---
As we grow and gain new members, this is something that needs to be periodically discussed.

Eating disorders are sadly misunderstood in our society. Media often portrays them as the young teenage girl that wants the perfect magazine cover body, so she skips lunch or purges it in the school bathroom, continuing happily with her day. But the reality is far more complex, oftentimes dark, and serious than that image allows.

Eating disorders ARE mental illnesses, plain and simple, and they can affect all ages and genders. If you haven't already, please take a moment to check out the [proED wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/faq) and familiarize yourself with the different types of eating disorders.

We understand that some of you here may not identify as having an ED in any of it's various forms, and that's okay. We invite you to read and gain some understanding of what it's like to exist with this mental illness. We welcome you to be supportive, and we expect you to respect our rules. What we do not welcome, however, is treating this sub as a dieting and weightloss sub. We are not a source of inspiration. We are not a "get thin quick" route to your dream body. **If you read even a few of the posts here, you will see that eating disorders are often not about weight at all, but about control, self-worth, compulsion, or any other number of factors.**

There are many subs out there that can help non-disordered people make healthy choices and plans to meet their weight loss goals (and if our minds were healthy, we would be there too!). Please check the side bar for links to those subreddits. Remember, THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM! **Asking for dieting tips or asking how to become disordered is not allowed, and will result in the removal of your posts and comments.**

For those of you here who DO have an ED, please also familiarize yourself with the subreddit [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/wiki/rules). Commenting on other members' weights, food, or health will result in a warning or ban. We are here to support each other, not to tear each other down or compete in any way. It may be frustrating to see users who do not understand the serious nature of EDs, but asserting that anyone is not "severe" enough or suffering enough is NOT okay either. As always, please report any posts that make you feel uncomfortable.

Again, we welcome your presence among us, disordered or not. Your awareness helps to destigmatize our illness and that's a powerful thing! But please don't fall prey to the simplified and often glamorized media portrayal of eating disorders. This is not something anyone should strive for, not something anyone should want. It is painful, both physically and mentally. It is lonely and isolating. It makes you feel powerless. We can not help you achieve what you think is perfection, because for us, nothing will EVER be perfect.

**TL;DR: This is not a diet/motivation sub. No one but your doctor can tell you if you have an eating disorder or not. If you do not experience disordered eating, and you are here to lose weight fast, this is not the sub for you.**

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[Discussion] Food to eat in summer?
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 12:30:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68uy8v/food_to_eat_in_summer/
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It's getting HOT where I am (like, it's been 90+ degrees lately). In the winter I love having low cal soup and broth and winter veggies, etc. But now it's getting to the point that I want refreshing or cool things to eat so lately it's just been protein bars and salad and apples.

Any ideas?

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[Thinspo] Masha Tyelna: The epitome of thinspo
/u/winding_wisteria
Created: Tue May 2 12:26:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68uxfp/masha_tyelna_the_epitome_of_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/2G8F1

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[Rant/Rave] I'm still at my starting weight even though I've been restricting for a month...
/u/mychemicalremus
Created: Tue May 2 12:25:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ux7k/im_still_at_my_starting_weight_even_though_ive/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] How did you break out of a binge cycle?
/u/HappinessIsClose [5'9.5 | 157.5 | 22.9 | -4.2 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 11:40:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68umo8/how_did_you_break_out_of_a_binge_cycle/
---
I hate that this is something we even have to deal with. Being stuck in a binge cycle is the absolute worst. And unfortunately, it's probably a cycle we've been in more than once. But that means that at some point we broke through it.

I keep falling into the same fallacies. It was easier to control myself when I actually liked how I looked, but now that I've gained 15 pounds I find myself saying "fuck it" really easily. I set back a solid week of successful restriction within 5 minutes. There's no benefit and yet I do it anyways. How the fuck do I break out of this? lol

Last year in March I broke out of a binge cycle when my mom shamed me for my binge eating for the 3rd time. I felt so guilty and ashamed that I couldn't bear to not restrict. I lost nearly all the weight I put on through bingeing, but now I'm right back at square one. Time just seems to go so slowly when I restrict... but when I binge, it just flies by and suddenly I'm 20. pounds. heavier. fml :))

If there's any advice, I'd really appreciate it. I hope you all are doing alright <3

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[Rant/Rave] My 600 lb Life!
/u/sophsoph17
Created: Tue May 2 11:31:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ukle/my_600_lb_life/
---
So it's like anti-thinspo, but wow I've become so into this show lately!! For one, it makes me feel better about my body. We may hate how we look, but seeing someone who is 600+ lbs is guaranteed to make you feel at least a LITTLE bit grateful!

In the episodes where the patients actually take it seriously and work their asses off to lose weight, it's also extremely motivating.
The only drawback is when you're that morbidly obese, it takes thousands and thousands of calories to maintain that weight. So these people can easily shed 40-50 lbs in a month with noooo problem as long as they eat a 1200 calorie diet. For a lot of us, 1200 cals a day every day would be heaven! So that part tends to make me jealous lol.

I used to think the dr on there (Dr Nowzaradan) was an asshole bc he can be so blunt and harsh. But I've come to love him for that. He's a cute old man for sure. I would love someone to push me to restrict like that!

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[Discussion] Favorite subs that keep you inspired/occupied?
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'10" | CW: 134 | BMI: 18.74 | GW: 125]
Created: Tue May 2 11:28:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ujwu/favorite_subs_that_keep_you_inspiredoccupied/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Holy shit.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue May 2 11:15:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68uh5c/holy_shit/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] proud of myself
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 11:12:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ugig/proud_of_myself/
---
so today I weighed myself for the first time since Saturday, and despite restricting to under 400 for all the days when I didn't weigh, I had barely lost anything, and was pretty upset. I almost cancelled a gym date I had with a friend (even though I hadn't been to the gym in weeks), but then something inside me said to suck it up and get on with my day.

I burned 800 calories in total walking to/from the gym and actually working out! I'm so happy and I feel so accomplished now. it's crazy to think that if I had let the number on the scale get me down, I would still be in bed, having burned little to nothing, hating myself.

just wanted to share that because I rarely do things that change my mood on purpose :)

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[Discussion] What is your next goal weight and why?
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Tue May 2 10:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68uc4e/what_is_your_next_goal_weight_and_why/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Can feel my hip bones lying down again!
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Tue May 2 10:33:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68u7et/can_feel_my_hip_bones_lying_down_again/
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I used to be so into feeling my hip bones all the time, but since gaining like 80 pounds I couldn't. But now that I'm restricting and exercising more I can feel them when I lay down again! There's no significant weight change but I don't even care. I can't wait until they get more defined and I can have my ribs stick out like they used to as well. Yay for progress!

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[Thinspo] Thinspo tv shows/movies recommendations?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 09:44:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68twb0/thinspo_tv_showsmovies_recommendations/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Striving for a new personal record this time
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 09:35:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tu8x/striving_for_a_new_personal_record_this_time/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Thinspo TV shows/movies recommendations?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 09:34:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tu4e/thinspo_tv_showsmovies_recommendations/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What other obsessive behaviors do we have?
/u/numba1chief_rocka [5'6" | CW 125 | GW 108]
Created: Tue May 2 09:02:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tmr7/what_other_obsessive_behaviors_do_we_have/
---
In addition to my, admittedly, self-diagnosed ED in which I binge-restrict-repeat and obsessively count calories I display a lot of other obsessive behaviors. For instance, I compulsively pick at my skin because fuck me, right. And I despise odd numbers, save multiples of 5. Radio volume at 33? No. No, no, no, no, no. I will dwell on it until I can bump it down to 32, which I know drives my boyfriend nuts. I probably need to seek psychological help but I've never had good luck with therapy in the past.

What about you guys?

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[Discussion] Pre-made or easy to prepare "meal" ideas?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|CW 143|-12|UGW 115]
Created: Tue May 2 08:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tl2w/premade_or_easy_to_prepare_meal_ideas/
---
What are some things you guys pick up at the grocery store that are like pre-made meals?

For example, I like the tuna lunch kits (I just throw out the mayo and relish) for 165 calories. I also really like the cracker lunchables (cheese, meat, crackers) which have about 175 calories.

---

[Other] "Your eyes are like a funhouse mirror."
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Tue May 2 08:35:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68thiz/your_eyes_are_like_a_funhouse_mirror/
---
I was sitting on the recliner last night with my sort-of-boyfriend and I made a disgusted sound while looking at my thighs. He asked me what the noise was for and I told him. He said, "Your thighs are far from huge." I said, "Are you kidding me?" And he said, "Your eyes are like a funhouse mirror." I started laughing. Too true. Objectively I know my thighs aren't huge, but they are definitely huge compared to what they were 10 lbs ago.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do I sabotage myself by binging when I'm not hungry?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 08:11:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tcky/why_do_i_sabotage_myself_by_binging_when_im_not/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What motivates you?
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Tue May 2 08:09:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tc42/what_motivates_you/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm an alcoholic
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 08:04:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68tb4i/im_an_alcoholic/
---
And I keep sleep/blackout eating and not knowing what the fuck it is that I ate. It's like I can function enough to hide my trail. Jesus. Another low weight FTW! But my bf is really really worried about me. See, I have this other bad habit of managing to strip myself naked during the night and wonder around the house. I dont know why I do this lmao but we are going to a music festival and he's terrified I'm going to strip naked and wonder off in my sleep and he won't be able to find me and now that I'm semi sober and regretting whatever I mightve stuffed into my fat face last night, I am actually scared I might do this. Why do I have to be a sleepwalking nudist with food problems?

---

How the fuck why the fuck
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 07:34:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68t5bw/how_the_fuck_why_the_fuck/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Saw the tiniest pregnant lady at the grocery store...
/u/gastastic [5'1 | 116.8 | 26F]
Created: Tue May 2 07:33:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68t50j/saw_the_tiniest_pregnant_lady_at_the_grocery_store/
---
Guessing stats, she looked to be 5'1, 95 lbs (sans belly), and 5-6 months along. I think she was only 17 or 18, and shopping with her mom. When she turned away, she didn't even look pregnant, but her belly from the side was prominent. She wasn't very toned/lean (from judging her arms), but she pulled off the delicate look with ease.

Aaaaand... Now my thinspo is the tiny pregnant lady I spotted at the grocery store.

---

[Rant/Rave] So I'm back
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 07:29:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68t4b4/so_im_back/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Feel like I've ruined everything for summer
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 07:12:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68t110/feel_like_ive_ruined_everything_for_summer/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] Hello, my lovelies.
/u/Redriverlady [5'5, CW 156.5 GW 127]
Created: Tue May 2 07:00:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68sypy/hello_my_lovelies/
---
I've been on this subreddit for a while but never properly introduced myself. I'm probably old enough to be a mother to some of you! I've dealt with ED since I was 11 years old and I've been thin and I've been way too big. I'm so glad I've discovered this place and I wish I could've had this place to come to years ago. I think it would've helped a great deal. Anyway, I am sending each and every one of you good thoughts today. It's nice to know we're not alone.

---

[Help] When breaking a fast, what foods should you eat?
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Tue May 2 06:52:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68sxb8/when_breaking_a_fast_what_foods_should_you_eat/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Favourite weight/food subreddits?
/u/Braseford [5"3.5 | CW 133 | SW152 |24F]
Created: Tue May 2 06:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68swpz/favourite_weightfood_subreddits/
---
The discussion about binge watching reality diet shows had me wondering if anyone also obsesses on certain food and weight related subreddits? Or maybe blogs?
Comment your favourites!

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 2 06:07:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68sq0n/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_02_2017/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 2 06:05:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68spno/daily_food_diary_may_02_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] I have to do a presentation over anorexia
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Tue May 2 05:57:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68socx/i_have_to_do_a_presentation_over_anorexia/
---
Are you fucking kidding me lmao. In my class, we all got assigned various mental illnesses and ofc I got anorexia. We're supposed to make them informational obviously but I don't know what to put down /: like clearly I could write tons of stuff but I don't want to make it seem too obvious that I have an ED? but at the same time I want to show people the reality of anorexia. ughhejeeh I'm stressing out over this way more than I should be :(

ETA- if you guys were doing a presentation, what would you specifically add? Im gonna make it realistic as possible

---

[Thinspo] Lucy Hale thinspo
/u/svoots [5'2| UGW 95 lbs]
Created: Tue May 2 05:54:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68snx1/lucy_hale_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/8kjesmp

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo album bc I love you guys
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue May 2 05:50:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68snc2/thinspo_album_bc_i_love_you_guys/
---
https://imgur.com/a/qIzuD

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[Tip] Some comforting words for all the overeating here...
/u/StuDented
Created: Tue May 2 04:40:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68sdlh/some_comforting_words_for_all_the_overeating_here/
---
> “Overeating is the addiction of choice of carers, and that's why it's come to be regarded as the lowest-ranking of all the addictions. It's a way of fucking yourself up while still remaining fully functional, because you have to. Fat people aren't indulging in the "luxury" of their addiction making them useless, chaotic, or a burden. Instead, they are slowly self-destructing in a way that doesn't inconvenience anyone. And that's why it's so often a woman's addiction of choice. All the quietly eating mums. All the KitKats in office drawers. All the unhappy moments, late at night, caught only in the fridge light.”

― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

I know this is about overeating/BED, but I thought it could apply to any out of control eating we experience. Maybe some of us binge and purge; laxatives, exercise, diuretics, vomiting, ipecac... maybe some just binge... maybe some chew and spit... Remember that we never chose these behaviours because we thought they were a great idea. We were unhappy, in whatever way, for whatever reason. Don't hate yourselves for a behaviour driven by some form of unhappiness x

---

[Help] I find that after a certain point, I can no longer swallow the food I'm eating. I can drink fluids without problem, but I can't make myself swallow unless I push tiny amounts to the back of my throat and swallow it bit by bit. Does anyone else experience this?
/u/I_love_macaroni [6' | 143 | 18.65 | GW: 165 | 24 M]
Created: Tue May 2 04:32:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68scju/i_find_that_after_a_certain_point_i_can_no_longer/
---
I don't always experience this. It's almost as if it's the anticipation of not being able to finish my food that causes it. It's like my brain suddenly gives up my ability to actuate my swallow reflex.

It happens at home, but happens even more around people. I have a genuine fear of not being able to finish everything on my plate. If I leave something I feel deeply ashamed, and that everyone is judging me for it.

I've been living in recluse for the entirety of my adult life because I can't handle eating out. I get so nervous. I'll be meeting some friends in a couple weeks and I'm dreading this part of it.

I think it probably stems from being a fussy eater as a kid, and my mum making me sit at the table for sometimes an hour, maybe more, watching, and waiting for me to finish my food. She'd eventually give up and be angry at me for a while. Anxious thoughts, or stress, also contributes. If I am feeling down about something, I can sometimes barely manage a single mouthful.

I tried several of the Soylent type food alternatives, but got very sick of them. It's not really a solution to my problem anyway.

Some foods I can handle better than others. But not always, it's all very inconsistent and I can't figure out why it happens. Some days I'll be able to eat an entire large pizza by myself. Some days two slices and I feel I couldn't possible handle any more.

Does anyone else experience this and have you found any way of dealing with it? I'm a very skinny guy and I need to gain weight. It has got to the point now that I always wonder "will I be able to eat this" which actually causes the stress/anxiety that prevents me from eating.

I have used cannabis as an appetite stimulate and it seemed to confirm the idea that it's a psychological thing. I'm so distracted by my desire to eat, I seldom think of whether or not I can finish the food. I'm already thinking of what I will eat next. I obviously can't use it all the time however, and it seems to make my appetite worse when I'm not using it.

This is really driving me crazy. I feel like such an idiot if I'm at a restaurant with people, and I take a few bites and can't eat any more. Everyone notices, everyone says something. If I'm not paying then I of course feel especially bad. I don't know what to do.

---

[Rant/Rave] Starting an all day fast
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue May 2 04:10:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68s9n7/starting_an_all_day_fast/
---
Soooo I'm on my seventh day of my new birth control... and I'm a raging hungry animal. I went on a lovely date night with my boyfriend last night and ate ALL. THE. FOOD. We went to red lobster and then out for ice cream so it wasn't even vegan either. I swear it's like I lose weight and then have to self sabotage. I can't be fat again. I refuse.

---

Anyone interested in making a kik group?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 03:08:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68s261/anyone_interested_in_making_a_kik_group/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Asked twice within the last week if I was pregnant
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Tue May 2 01:46:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68rsic/asked_twice_within_the_last_week_if_i_was_pregnant/
---
The second time the girl even patted my belly.

(Currently attempting recovery, eating lots, feels bad man)

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[Rant/Rave] Asked twice within the last week if I was pregnant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue May 2 01:44:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68rsck/asked_twice_within_the_last_week_if_i_was_pregnant/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I want a pint of Ben and Jerry's SO BADLY.
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 91.4 | 18.0 | -13 | 19F]
Created: Tue May 2 01:26:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68rq6r/i_want_a_pint_of_ben_and_jerrys_so_badly/
---
And the thing is, I could maybe make it work. See, I've been completely craving a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked for a while, and although I eat Halo Top as often as I can afford it, it's just not the same y'know?

With finals here and then having to go home and pretend to be normal (ugh weight gain) in two weeks, I want to treat myself a little bit if possible. My calorie cap for the day is 1200, so I could actually fit in a pint of Half Baked fro-yo if I fast for the day, and still have room left over for a Quest bar or something to get some protein in.

So, I'd totally do it, except I'm terrified that it has so much sugar. 100 grams? MFP has 45 grams as my goal, so I always feel terrible whenever I go over. But it would still be under my calorie goal, so CICO? UGH HELP

P.S. Another "treat" option would be a pint of Halo Top and a pack of Pop Tarts or some other junky food. Am I the only one who drives themselves insane thinking about stuff like this?

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[Discussion] Anyone else have a history of addiction??
/u/sophsoph17
Created: Mon May 1 22:59:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68r72s/anyone_else_have_a_history_of_addiction/
---
I got clean from opiates 2 1/2 years ago. When I got clean, the weight just fucking. piled. on. I definitely don't miss waking up dopesick every day and the shitty life that comes with addiction, but I sure do miss being skinny, and not really thinking about food whatsoever because I was so focused on the drug.

I know I'm still an addict. FOOD became my new addiction, I never stop thinking about it. And I still indulge in weed, and started drinking way more than I ever did. (Due to just badly breaking my leg and ankle, I've had to move back with my parents temporarily so I've been forced to cut all substances out, but hey, no more wasted calories from alcohol! Gotta find the silver lining somewhere...)

Did anyone else find their weight went out of control once they got off opiates/heroin? Or whatever your DOC was? How did you handle it? 2 1/2 years later and I'm still battling it...

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[Discussion] My boyfriend is too sweet for me
/u/theobeseana
Created: Mon May 1 22:30:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68r2tb/my_boyfriend_is_too_sweet_for_me/
---
I've told him about my issues with food before, but he hasn't ever seemed very concerned since I'm still very overweight. He also definitely has a lot of issues with food himself and may have orthorexia.

He always buys me snacks when I want them, and seems to enjoy watching me eat. However I've always kind of thought that it was just because of his super evident fat fetish.

However, a couple of days ago he bought me gummies at the store and I had snacked here and there. Last night there were two left and I teased him about haven eaten some of them. He assured me that he hadn't, and when I realized I had eaten them all I spit out the part I was chewing and threw them in the trash. It was a gut reaction and wish I hadn't let him see that.

Then today he found out I didn't go to breakfast or lunch because I'd accidentally left my student ID at his house (my only way to buy food), and I think suspected I wasn't going to dinner. I've been planning to fast or stay under 300 all week. He made me a piece of toast but I asked if he wanted some and gave him 3/4 of it.

After that, he wrapped me up and looked in my eyes so concerned and just softly whispered "will you please let me make you something for dinner tonight?" And I almost burst into tears. He didn't try to force me, but was almost pleading with me.

We'll see tonight if he asks me to eat again, because he's told me he is making dinner before and then he forgets and just makes enough for him, which is fine by me honestly.

TL;DR I rambled but my bf is so sweet and gets it and cares about me and wants me to be healthy

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[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like a shitty person for having an eating disorder when there are people out there who are starving
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Mon May 1 22:28:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68r2k1/dae_feel_like_a_shitty_person_for_having_an/
---
I'm binge eating thousands of extra calories in minutes, meanwhile there are people who are starving and will never have enough to eat. I feel like such a selfish bitch and I need to stop, but I feel like I can't.

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[Rant/Rave] people are starting to notice
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 21:53:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qwvv/people_are_starting_to_notice/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] How to feel better after a binge
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 21:49:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qw4d/how_to_feel_better_after_a_binge/
---
We all have different ideas of what counts as a binge, but we all know that it feels like crap to have one. Here are some things that help me physically and mentally feel better.

- **Drink a glass of water.** Even though I'm feeling super full, I usually find that drinking water helps digest everything faster and makes that heavy, uncomfortable feeling go away faster. Tea, especially mint tea, also works.

- **Brush your teeth.** One of the things that I hate the most after a binge is having to feel the grime left on my tongue, teeth, and throat. Brushing your teeth not only cleans your mouth out, but for me, it discourages me from continuing the binge.

- **Take care of your skin.** Take off your makeup, wash your face, and put some lotion on your face and body. After a binge, I'm usually pretty bloated. I don't want to take off my clothes and stand in the shower, or sit around in a bathtub. This makes me feel clean and fresh without having to pay much attention to my gross food baby.

- **Plan for tomorrow, if you haven't already.** I'm not much of a meal planner; I don't like committing to following a set plan for the day. But after overeating, I like to decide ahead of time how the next day will go. Will I take something (adderall, bronkaid, caffeine pill) to help suppress my appetite? What am I eating tomorrow? AM I eating tomorrow? When I have an idea of what I'm doing, I'm less likely to binge.

- **Put on your skinny clothes.** Pretty sure everybody has clothes they feel good in. For me, I love a baggy tshirt and panties.

- **Stay on your feet for a bit.** Immediately plopping on the couch or bed will make you feel worse. Try cleaning your room or office. Not only will being sedentary make you feel fat, but you'll also feel unproductive. By cleaning, or exercising, or doing some work, you'll feel more pulled together.

**TL;DR** Make yourself physically as comfortable as you can, do some damage control, and keep on movin'.

Edit: If you are somebody who purges after a binge, do not brush your teeth. It only rubs acid further into your enamel. Somebody pointed out that that wasn't very clear😬

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how to thin out your face?
/u/tired-bones
Created: Mon May 1 21:46:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qvpj/how_to_thin_out_your_face/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Romee Strijd
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 21:23:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qru5/romee_strijd/
---
https://i.redd.it/mgxr67es90vy.png

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[Discussion] Weight vs. thinness
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'10" | CW: 134 | BMI: 18.74 | GW: 125]
Created: Mon May 1 21:22:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qroh/weight_vs_thinness/
---
Anyone else feel like they're fighting a constant struggle between chasing their GW and chasing their ideal shape?

Two years ago when I weighed 140 lbs., I was told I had a thigh gap and my belly was tight. But I wanted to lose more weight. When I finally reached 130 over a year later, I got discouraged because I'd gotten flabby in that time. :/ Thigh gap and flat belly stopped being mentioned. I started bingeing more and gained weight. Now I'm losing again, but I know my body isn't going to look right unless I work out a LOT more. And I just don't know if I'm going to be able to keep up with that.

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[Meme/Humor] Playing cards against humanity with my friends...
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 21:20:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qrfy/playing_cards_against_humanity_with_my_friends/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] What will you reward yourself with once you hit your GW?
/u/wolftrap-hotel [5'6" | CW: 145 | GW: 120 | 23F]
Created: Mon May 1 20:53:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qmq2/what_will_you_reward_yourself_with_once_you_hit/
---
I was just curious if anyone else has something that they've told themselves they won't/can't do until they reach their goal weight, or something you're saving as a reward for finally losing a certain amount. I gained a bunch of weight over the last year thanks to depression + a medication that increased my appetite & brought my binge eating disorder back in a big way, and I'm trying to get back on track - I have a tattoo I really want to get, and I am telling myself I have to hit 125 again before I'm allowed to make the appointment. It's a nice extra bit of motivation! What's yours?

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[Discussion] What you rather:ED version!
/u/fruitandfood
Created: Mon May 1 20:34:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qjcu/what_you_rathered_version/
---
Maybe its just me (let me know if it is and i can delete this!) but ive noticed 2 pretty large groups on this sub

There is the group who can feel skinny and if they feel the number on the scale is too high they feel terrible again and theres the people who as long as they feel skinny, look skinny to themselves, fit in2 small clothes, etc. are fine with the number on the scale (ive even seen several posts of ppl going solely by clothes size with no scale)

So which are you? Would you rather feel skinny but the number on scale seems huge to you OR have a number you like on the scale even if you dont feel as skinny

EDIT: i cant flair this, sorry!

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[Discussion] People who have dealt with their ED in a non USA country, what was it like? Harder? Easier?
/u/FlereImsahox [5'6.5 | CW: 125.6 | GW:118]
Created: Mon May 1 20:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qiib/people_who_have_dealt_with_their_ed_in_a_non_usa/
---
I have study abroad in South Korea, and visited China and Japan for shorter amounts of time and holy shit I am missing the food and diet culture there so much. Okay I'm sorry but I saw a number of Korean girls that I suspect had EDs or something that looked like one in the right light. I kept it to myself until a friend of mine kinda mentioned something and I was like *narrowed eyes* ohh I knew your portions were small, you're one of us aren't you? Then we started "diagnosing" people together lol. But no one looked at you oddly for not finishing your food, though you often could because the portions are more reasonable, the clothes run smaller which I do have some hips so pants were not my friend, but it meant I could find skirts that fit around the waist (also people act like if you aren't Asian you'll never find anything. Not true, I saw stylish Korean girls who were larger than me. Harder? Yes, but not impossible like people make it sound), you walked so much that you could afford to eat more because you would never see the inside of a car, so many things had the calories posted, sweets were less sweet, it made everything about having an ED easier and less obvious since my eating habits didn't stand out as much, nor did my size.

So how were your experiences having an ED and not being in the USA?

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[Rant/Rave] Oh wow look like I found a new danger food
/u/Catsorbras
Created: Mon May 1 20:04:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68qdu3/oh_wow_look_like_i_found_a_new_danger_food/
---
*trigger warming just in case*

Turns out I can't even have flour in my house. Because I will end up making flat bread out of it with water, then slather everything in PB, spread, honey, cheese, chocolate chips, anything I can find. I wasn't even hungry but I have been having a binge fest since Sunday.

Every day I tell myself I will eat regularly the next day, but I never do.

I also finish off a whole carton of hazelnut milk too. Yeah, I can't have that in my fridge either.

Worst of all, finals are coming, and I have been slacking for a week now. And my exam starts in one week. I just can't work. I am bored and listless and clicking on 'How many Anna Kendrick movies have you seen' quiz on buzzfeed because I have nothing else to do except I just won't study for some reason?

I hate myself. I can't even want to pull myself out of it. Like I actually want to do nothing in my room all day and be a lazy fat piece of fuck. I just want to lay in bed all day. If this is living I don't want any part of it.

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[Meme/Humor] My diet plan while on my period!
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 19:41:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q9rz/my_diet_plan_while_on_my_period/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE binge just to validate their problems?
/u/hotmedusa
Created: Mon May 1 19:26:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q6v9/dae_binge_just_to_validate_their_problems/
---
I'm not sure if this is the best flare or if it seems like more of a rant but I'd love to know if anyone else does this because I feel really dumb for it right now lol

I recently noticed that sometimes when I'm the most stressed, at times when I might have previously eaten food as a distraction, now I will binge just because I know that: when I'm stressed, I binge and since I'm so stressed that's what I should be doing. Like the stress feels fake if I don't binge so I have to do it even if I don't feel like it, other wise the stress isn't real (ugh)

Right now I'm so depressed I don't feel like eating and barely even care about my weight anymore even though I feel really guilty I'm too depressed to really worry about it. I would normally want to be binging for comfort right now. And I've still been binging a lot, but the reason isn't because I feel like I'm getting any kind of momentary satisfaction, but because it's how I feel like I've got to cope with the stress since binging is a coping mechanism and if I'm so stressed out then obviously I should binge.



Also, this is my first post on this sub so idk if all of this is good format and stuff, but I've been lurking here a while and this thing just really fucked me up and I didn't know what else to do..

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[Discussion] DAE get obsessed with certain ED movies?
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'10" | CW: 134 | BMI: 18.74 | GW: 125]
Created: Mon May 1 19:25:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q6ml/dae_get_obsessed_with_certain_ed_movies/
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Does anyone else watch and re-watch movies about eating disorders? Bonus points if they're from the 80's and 90's. My favorites right now are *For the Love of Nancy* and *Sharing the Secret* (with **Alison Lohman**, who I love). They're kind of a cheesy guilty pleasure for me.

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[Help] Am I being selfish?
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 19:25:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q6lx/am_i_being_selfish/
---
I got into an argument with my boyfriend just a bit ago. I'm two hours away from reaching 72 hours on my fast. He doesn't know I'm fasting on purpose, but he does know I haven't eaten anything for three days. Also, I have enough rewards points on Domino's to get a free pizza. I've been thinking about that all day, and I went to ask his advice. Should I order pizza tonight (after 11, so my fast would be complete)?

He said no, to wait, because pizza was weekend food. I got a little snippy and said that he was right, I shouldn't eat because pizza was worth waiting for. I put words in his mouth. It was shitty of me. But he asked me to stop justifying not eating. He said I was being selfish and inconsiderate by not understanding how my behaviors affect others (no one else knows about my ED, so by others he means himself). He listed all of the sacrifices he's made for me, in terms of giving up partying and drinking and stopping doing drugs.

He said that he feels his emotions are only considered (by me) when it's convenient for me.

Is he right? By engaging in my ED, am I being selfish? By not eating, am I being inconsiderate towards his feelings and opinions? I thought I was a good girlfriend. I listen to his problems when he's stressed. I help him through the stress of his work. I make sure he's eating healthily and drinking water. I did ask him to cut down on his drinking and drugs because it worried me. But when he asks the same of me, I can't do it? Am I such a terrible girlfriend?

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[Discussion] I am way too excited for this.
/u/bir_die [5'8" | 111.4 | 16.75 | GW: 111 | 23 Femme]
Created: Mon May 1 19:23:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q6es/i_am_way_too_excited_for_this/
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https://www.facebook.com/refinery29/videos/1693081940720703/

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[Help] [24F] currently suffering with bulimia & body dysmorphia. Need help, but so scared of losing control. AMA
/u/needtostopthisnow
Created: Mon May 1 19:17:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q56h/24f_currently_suffering_with_bulimia_body/
---
.
**LONG POST!**

So I've been lurking on here for some time, reading about eating disorders and people living with them. I know I need help and I find it quite interesting reading other people's experiences on battling/overcoming/getting help.

I'm realising this now. I've never wanted to as I feel like I will have no control anymore. I kind of don't want people to be aware that I'm struggling.

Firstly I'll add that as a child I suffered badly with Seasonal Affective Disorder. It has got better with age but I do definitely suffer with It still. My Nan also suffers with bipolar which I think I may have to a degree.

Anyway... it all started when I was 13. I'd recently moved 30 miles away and joined a new school. I had became very aware of my body. I thought I was fat (I wasn't, I was quite slim. I'm naturally muscley but I weighed around 124lbs and 5ft1)... but every time I looked in the mirror I just saw fat. I knew I was slim, but my 13 year old self I just saw fat. I was repulsed by my own body. I started restricting with what I ate at school. It eventually got so bad that I would eat only an apple a day most days. I'd work as a waitress in the evenings and snack on carrots for my 'dinner', and then lie when I got home to my parents that I'd eaten. My weight dropped to around 114lbs which for my frame and height was so underweight. I looked ill. However, I liked seeing my weight go down. My friends would say I'm tiny and I would feel good.

Anyway... at 15 years old, after around a year or two of what I'd say being anorexic (although I never got help or got diagnosed), I met someone. Someone who I then spent the next 8 years of my life with. As I got happier with my life, spending time with someone, I began to put on weight and became a healthy weight of around 128lbs. My happy weight. Although I didn't restrict my eating. I was still extremely body conscious. I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. When someone would compliment me I would think they're being ridiculous.
That's when I realised I had body dysmorphia. Throughout all my teens and late teens I was repulsed at my own body, despite being slim at a healthy weight. No matter how much my boyfriend had told me he loved me or thought I was beautiful, nothing helped and nothing got through to the voice in my head telling me I was disgusting.

Over the years I'd still diet, gym, be healthy, binge etc. Very aware that I hated my body still.

At around the age of 22/23, me and my fiance started going through a rough patch which went on over a year and a half (which eventually led to our break up last year). I started binging (which I already did anyway), but then I felt bad about my 'already disgusting body'... So I tried throwing up...

Now.. yes, I was ashamed at my behaviour... but at the same time, it felt good, satisfying. I then made this a frequent habit over this rough patch. I enjoyed binging on cake and biscuits. To the point where I would eat humongous amounts, purposely knowing I was going to throw it all back up straight away. Some weeks, it would be out of control, purging 3 times a day, then others, if I wasn't too stressed, would just be a few times a week.

Fast forward to the end of last year... I'd had the worst year of my life. Breaking up with my fiance amongst a few other things. I felt so low. Insanely low. I thought there was no point in life anymore. I restricted my eating for about a month (the longest period of time doing that since 13/14 years old). I started eating a few oranges a day and lots of coffee. I felt good about the compliments I was receiving but inside I knew it was completely wrong.

Anyway, that passed and I'm not in that dark place anymore. However. The bulimia has stayed. I've finally realised I'm not just 'making myself sick '.. I am bulimic. This has been going on for a year/year and a half now. I am aware of the long term health complications and as I'm making myself sick, I do not enjoy it. But it's like an addiction. I want to get help... but I'm too afraid to go to the doctor. I don't know where to start. I've spent 10 /11 years of my life battling anorexia/body dysmorphia/bulimia. I feel like they won't take me seriously at all.

I'm so sorry for this long post.
This is the first time I'm sharing my experience with anyone (my ex knew a little about it, but not how bad it was).

**TL;DR : Suffered with anorexia for a year/two at 13 years old. Suffering with body dysmorphia for 11 years, bulimia for 1 and a half years. I know I need help but I'm so scared about losing control.**

AMA / Advice welcome

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[Help] Asking doctor for weight loss pills?
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Mon May 1 18:55:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68q0w9/asking_doctor_for_weight_loss_pills/
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So since I'm majorly overweight due to BED, and still binge even when I'm restricting, how can I go about asking my doctor for weight loss medication? Since I'm classified as obese (fucking kill me) and my doctor doesn't know about my history with eating disorders (especially when I was at my lowest weight) is it appropriate to just say "I need help losing weight, is it possible for you to prescribe me weight loss medication?"
I feel like that's almost tacky to ask but if I present it a certain way, do you think it's possible? I feel like BED took over and I want to go back to restricting like I used to.

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[Thinspo] Let's talk about the met gala but let's specifically talk about RILA FUKUSHIMA AT THE MET GALA
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Mon May 1 18:35:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68px4f/lets_talk_about_the_met_gala_but_lets/
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https://i.redd.it/9otlelmrfzuy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend's Mom Packs Me A Lunch of 736 Calories A Day
/u/Flesh_Daddy_
Created: Mon May 1 18:25:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pv7p/boyfriends_mom_packs_me_a_lunch_of_736_calories_a/
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I live with my boyfriend and his family and I've been trying really hard to restrict. I've lost 8 pounds since restricting but that's not even close to my goal weight. I weigh 164.8 lbs now and I'm 5'2". Everyone in there acts like they wanna eat healthy but nothing ever lasts. I cook most of the dinners and try to skip out but I get glares and comments and boyfriend says "idc if i have to force feed you, you need to eat" and I don't want to cause problems. Boyfriend knows my history of ana and after meeting him, it died down. But now all I do is obsess over my weight since I realized I have let myself go bad.

So I started counting calories and his mom packs me a lunch for work which is sweet but then if I "forget" it, I get reamed. So a lot of times, I give it to my coworker. But she stopped taking them. Telling me that I need to "stop starving myself". I've only lost 8 pounds. People need to chill.


So I ate it today because I'm getting shamed and I'm sick of it. But I counted them and I'm taking in 736 calories from ONE LUNCH. She packs them with yogurts, a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a granola bar. I normally don't even open them so I'm not tempted. If I tell her to stop, she won't and then I'll get shamed and reamed by the whole family. If I give it to my coworker she'll shame me. If I throw it away, I'll shame me for being wasteful. But I'm expected to eat that, eat dinner, and still somehow lose weight. I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm so tempted to waste food. I don't know what to do. Help???

TL;DR: Boyfriend's mom packs my lunch, 736 calorie lunch. I don't wanna keep eating them and be forced to also eat dinner. Coworker stopped eating my lunches. Can't ask bf mom to stop or she'll be mad. Don't wanna be wasteful. Please help me.

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[Discussion] Is anyone else obsessed with reality shows about obesity/extreme weight loss?
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 116.5 | GW ??]
Created: Mon May 1 18:23:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68puz6/is_anyone_else_obsessed_with_reality_shows_about/
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This is super weird, but for the last month or so I've been OBSESSED with reality shows about extreme weight issues. Fat Families, Secret Eaters, and my absoluuuuute favorite, Supersize vs. Superskinny. SVS does half weight loss and half ED topics, I love it.


I think part of me likes seeing the opposite extreme of my weight issues. Part of me loves seeing the binges of all the pizza and Chinese food, both to fantasize and disturb myself from ever wanting to eat that stuff. And a little part of me is so genuinely touched when I see people with eating and weight issues, whatever the type, decide to make a serious change and save their own lives, its so heartwarming to me.


Ahhh so many aspects of weight loss reality shows fascinate me. It's almost as bad as all my weight related subreddits I lurk on....


Anyone else relate?

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[Intro] I am sam
/u/Willowsatine
Created: Mon May 1 18:20:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pucu/i_am_sam/
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I am 26. Currently the fattest I've ever been aside from my pregnancies. Mother of 2 girls. Bulimic. I just found this sub and I feel at home here you guys idk I just wanna say since I found you guys I feel less alone. So thanks I guess. That's alI i just had to put my voice out here idk

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[Rant/Rave] Just ED Things
/u/attenuatingpixie
Created: Mon May 1 18:19:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pu7f/just_ed_things/
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When you go waaayyy over your calories for the day, and MFP and loseit and every other app and search engine insists that you're still way under a healthy daily calorie amount, and you feel like a fat, gluttonous cow anyway.

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[Discussion] Do y'all weigh more, less, or the same when you're on your period?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 18:08:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pruz/do_yall_weigh_more_less_or_the_same_when_youre_on/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Raw
/u/teasnob22 [5'3" | CW: 95.7 | GW: 88 | 17.43 | -22 | F | Vegan AF]
Created: Mon May 1 17:48:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68po6a/raw/
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Has anyone else here seen Raw (movie)? I watched it yesterday and oh my god. It was so weirdly relatable and I had a bit of a giggle at some of the bulimia mentions and ugh. It was just really fuckin good and I want to talk about it.

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[Rant/Rave] Store portions- a bespoke rant for ProED
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Mon May 1 17:47:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68po2h/store_portions_a_bespoke_rant_for_proed/
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Why the fuck is everything sold in such huge portions? I wanted a brownie last night. Not a cheap horrid brownie like the little debbie ones or whatever. A decent brownie. If I am going to eat a brownie, it's going to be a good one. They literally only sold decent brownies in 1 lb containers.

Today I wanted some motherfucking baby food- because on fast days, I take my vitamins/pills with some baby food. I can't take them on a fucking empty stomach. Why the fuck are the packages so big? You're supposed to feed babies a couple tablespoons. Look it up. This food says 4 - 6 months and the recommended feeding is a couple tablespoons a day. This package is HUGE. I don't want huge packages. I want just enough to take my pills. I finally broke down and bought myself a baby spoon so I don't just slurp down the package.

I "fast" four days a week. (no food except with vitamins and pills). A whole loaf of bread just goes bad. Six eggs? The fuck am I going to do with six eggs? Why can't I buy one egg? I'll pay like... 50 cents for one egg. They'd be making killer profit since six eggs cost 85 - 100 c. I don't want to waste food.

Stores are fucking ridiculous. I do not need to buy that much fucking food. Sell me a normal amount of food. Not an American of food.

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[Help] ECA stack question
/u/LibraryLuLu [H165 | CW70 | WL64kg | GF66]
Created: Mon May 1 17:30:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pkqo/eca_stack_question/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] i am just so sick of it
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 17:28:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pk88/i_am_just_so_sick_of_it/
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i am so sick of heavily restricting then bingeing. i am so sick of planning meals that i dont eat. i am so sick of eating junk food. i am so sick of my body. i am sick of feeling like "who cares? you only live once!" to "why would i eat this? i am so fat!". i am doubling down though. i am going to start running. i hate hate HATE running but i always wanted to be one of those people that run when they are stressed. I am going to eat 100 calories a day (might bump it up to 200 so i can have my protein drink) and run every day until my thigh gap appears. until i can wear shorts without chafing. until i am back in single digit sizes and not constantly wanting to cry myself to sleep since i am so gross. i am sick of it. so i am changing it.

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[Rant/Rave] Just forced to break my fast.
/u/iamthedonquixote [5'5" | CW:115 | 19.1 | GW: 109 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 16:55:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pdp6/just_forced_to_break_my_fast/
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Ugh, this kind of sucks. I was 44 hours into a 7 day fast. I had already completed my first day and was mostly done with my second.

And the worst part about this is that I probably could've escaped it by making dinner, going to my room, disposing of the food, and coming down with an empty plate.

Maybe I'll try again sometime this week. Who knows.

Even though I broke it pretty early, I still gained knowledge from this fast. I now know that I don't need to depend on food as much as I used to.

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[Help] I've entered recovery, but I miss ED. Well, the early stages before the binge purge backlash. (Potential weight gain triggers)
/u/Kulaa
Created: Mon May 1 16:46:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68pbxv/ive_entered_recovery_but_i_miss_ed_well_the_early/
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Sorry if this makes no sense, but I liked working out and being fit. My body rocked. I went through heavy restricting and purging through both exercise and throwing up. Then everything slingshotted when I tried to get back to eating regular meals. The taste of actual flavor basically began my binges which led to purges. I was in that cycle for 2 years until I went inpatient. I was eating regular meals but forced not to purge or exercise. I gained weight. The weight is back, but my cycles had been broken for a few months. 6 months later. Weed is leading to binges and purges and trying to do regular exercise is leading to restriction. I'm getting the weed munchies under control steadily.


I don't want my restriction to lead to binge urges again, but I need that control back. Or-- maybe I should try doing this weight loss thing the right way this time around? Maybe I don't really miss ED, maybe I just miss that body. But, can I have that body without ED? Is it appropriate to share a picture here to see if you guys think it's possible to get there without slipping back?

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[Thinspo] Favourite thinspo/aesthetic tumblr blogs?
/u/bizmo96
Created: Mon May 1 16:32:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68p95f/favourite_thinspoaesthetic_tumblr_blogs/
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I have a sort of eating disorder blog that's a mix of thinspo, nice things to look at to distract from how shitty this is, and memes that I find personally relateable because of my eating disorder. It doesn't at all encourage EDs. I'll post mine in the comments to avoid karma whoring. I wanted to know if you guys had some favourites?

On mobile can't flair.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm back and worse than ever
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Mon May 1 16:29:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68p8ov/im_back_and_worse_than_ever/
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I guess I'm completely starting over. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I weigh 155 pounds and am 5'6. Even my calves feel massive and make me want to cry. Everything makes me want to cry. But this food addiction won't go away. I'm stuck and trapped and so sad all of the time. I don't know what to do. I just want to be thin.

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[Rant/Rave] My body hates me.
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | 99lbs | 24F 🌼]
Created: Mon May 1 15:58:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68p2d1/my_body_hates_me/
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Been trying to lose just 2lbs over the last 2 weeks at my usual deficit (~700 - 900 cals with 1.5 - 2hrs exercise a day). Of course, the scale hasn't fucking budged and today it actually crept up to 101.2.

*screams into a pillow*.

So, of course, today I hit 900 and I'm like FUCK YOU BODY, I'm gonna have a packet of chocolate buttons.

Well, guys. Karma is a fucking bitch, and clearly she wants me to be patient, cause an hour after these buttons I start getting hella stomach cramps.. and now I'm writing this post from my toilet like the filthy skank I am.

Hope you're all having a less shitty (lol) time than I am! 💩💕

Love and poop xx

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[Rant/Rave] Guys, I got the job!
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Mon May 1 15:44:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68oz97/guys_i_got_the_job/
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Thank fuck. ITS FINALLY OVER. Now, let's let the anxiety of doing the job set in, lol right? I start my new waitressing job on friday at a lovely full nude strip club nearby. I guess I just belong in these places. I'm not sure what i'll have to wear yet, I was just instructed to wear black shoes. I honestly hope it's a sexy uniform that will force me to keep my ass in shape. The uniforms the girls wore at previous strip clubs i've worked in were gorgeous. I have a feeling this one isn't going to be as upscale, but I don't give a fuck. I have a JOB now, and it's 6 bucks an hour. Not bad for a waitress.

After I was hired, I spent the day eating. It felt as though the biggest weight in the world was lifted off my shoulders, so I didn't feel bad. No regrets today. I have a job. I have my freedom back. I have a life of my own again. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me<3

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[Rant/Rave] BF commented on how much I ate...
/u/svoots [5'2| UGW 95 lbs]
Created: Mon May 1 15:39:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68oya0/bf_commented_on_how_much_i_ate/
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Yesterday I went to dinner with my BF. I worked out in the morning and fasted all day in preparation for it. We were going to make your own a stir fry place so it was fairly easy to make a low calorie meal for myself too. For background, my BF naturally has a low body fat is and is pretty fit and has a very fast metabolism. He usually eats at least double what I eat. We walked around the mall before dinner and my BF got fries and ate all of them, like 30 minutes before dinner. Then we went to dinner and he wasn't able to finish his stir fry bowl (which had lots of rice and meat) while I ate 3/4 of mine (because I was hungry, had saved up my calories for it, and it only had vegetables and tofu in it) and he said "Oh, wow you ate more than me". He wasn't saying it in a mean way but I was so tempted to mention how he ate the fries first and talk about how I'd restricted all day for this meal. I didn't say anything. But I just felt really sucky afterwards and can't get it out of my mind... I feel like such a drama queen for saying this but I thought if anyone else would understand it'd be you guys. I'm never eating in front of him again.

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[Discussion] What are your "tiny wins?"
/u/winding_wisteria
Created: Mon May 1 14:59:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68opg5/what_are_your_tiny_wins/
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I just love the thought of those little triumphs that make you feel so proud and strong. For example, today someone gave me 4 mini tootsie rolls and a peppermint, and I gave them away instead of eating. I'm usually such a sucker for little things like free candy and stuff, but this time I stayed strong. What about y'all?

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[Goal] For the rest of us:
/u/daeboo [5ft2/lmfao]
Created: Mon May 1 14:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68onfb/for_the_rest_of_us/
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Theres a special level of hell reserved for people who chirp about fresh starts and monthly goals, then get home and immediately eat margarine from the tub.

Maybe you've been setting the same goals since March. Maybe you haven't had a good day since February. Guess who set a bunch of good intentions then promptly ate a load of bread, sugar, and margarine in one sitting?

So for everyone who fucked shit up right away: Its okay. As long as you're still hoping for that elusive better day, you're still fighting inside.

<3

I suck shit

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[Rant/Rave] I just bought a new bikini and tried it on
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 13:37:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68o6uw/i_just_bought_a_new_bikini_and_tried_it_on/
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[removed]

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[Intro] Hello again you beautiful people, I'm back.
/u/MaybeIllGetThere [176cm | 67kg | 21.2 | 23F]
Created: Mon May 1 13:37:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68o6s9/hello_again_you_beautiful_people_im_back/
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Nobody probably remembers me, but I'm back after a three month hiatus and an attempt at recovery. It kinda worked. I'm heavier than I've ever been before and I've been super active so a lot of it is muscle, however my relationship with food and weight is worse than ever. I tried to tackle too much at once and just focused on gaining the weight without fixing my obsessive habits. I think now I'm going to really work on myself as I'm losing, and hopefully it will be easier without the stress of trying to maintain.

It's weird but when I was gaining I really felt like I was losing myself. I started dressing more conservatively, I wore more makeup, and I was more reserved. People treated me like I was normal and I hated it. So fuck it. I fasted for two days and shaved the side of my head and went to a blind date with a bare face. I feel so much more confident, so much more *me* when I'm empty. I really hope I can learn to keep this feeling regardless of how much I ate the day before.

So hey, it's nice to be back. This place feels so safe.

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[Rant/Rave] Freaking out about doctor's appointment
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 13:35:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68o6do/freaking_out_about_doctors_appointment/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Is there any point to a fitbit if I don't work out?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Mon May 1 13:32:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68o5ui/is_there_any_point_to_a_fitbit_if_i_dont_work_out/
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I have one sitting in a drawer from a couple years ago, but I'm wondering if it's worth using for anything if I don't exercise.

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[Help] Ashamed and disappointed of myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 12:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68nrp6/ashamed_and_disappointed_of_myself/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Constantly doing and re-doing the math
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Mon May 1 12:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68nqxb/constantly_doing_and_redoing_the_math/
---
I know a lot of you don't count cals anymore, but for those of you that do, do you find yourself constantly crunching numbers to re-assess calorie goals, figure out how long to work out, or figure out how long it would take you to reach UGW if you keep down this path?

I've been obsessed for the last 2 months. I go on sites like Loser Town to check the math on how long it would take to lose the weight, I check my FitBit almost every hour to see how many calories I've burned compared to what I logged into MFP, look up how long it would take me to burn those calories and on and on. I have charts and graphs and all sorts of shit where I go into the minutiae of the numbers.

I know they're all estimates (and likely so off that they don't actually help much to indicate any real valuable information) but I'm starting to think it's like my way to deal with my anxiety about eating (or not eating).

---

[Goal] What are your goals for the month of May?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 12:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68nq8k/what_are_your_goals_for_the_month_of_may/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Do you picture recovery?
/u/svoots [5'2| UGW 95 lbs]
Created: Mon May 1 12:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68nni3/do_you_picture_recovery/
---
I'm in this illness but I do think after my UGW or after some point I want to recover and have a future and a life. Sometimes I don't think it'll ever happen but I want it to...not today or tomorrow but one day.
What about you?

---

[Help] Waking up hungry/vicious cycle
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Mon May 1 11:42:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68nghx/waking_up_hungryvicious_cycle/
---
I'm restricting to 1200 a day, including beverages and often I'll accidentally eat too much early in the day which leaves me with like a 200 calorie dinner, and I wake up in the middle of the night hungry (sometimes if I'm really hungry I'll eat after midnight which contributes to the next day), but it becomes a vicious cycle because I'll be really hungry in the morning and eat too much and keep myself from being able to eat later. Any advice to space it out better? I think this would help my metabolism as well.

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[Rant/Rave] Friend with ED?
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 110 | 30F]
Created: Mon May 1 11:21:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68nblw/friend_with_ed/
---
On mobile so yeah. Any of you have a friend or friends with an ED? One of mine ( I don't have many ) I mostly commiserate with but lately it's so one sided and she's always saying/asking if she's fat (bmi like 15) and it just makes me feel like so much worse. I understand body dysmorphia really I have it hardcore as well but .. it's so hard because that's all she goes on about anymore and it hurts and I can't just say HEY IM LEGIT FATTER THAN YOU SHUT UP? I always tell her "I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're not fat because I know deep you know this but I'm sorry you feel this way today so badly" I've gone from being like obese relapsing and losing 110 lbs and I just want to die every time she complains to me like that about it? Which is every day.

Edit: We talk calories sometimes and she's always like "um how are you not like 13 bmi with the small amount you eat I can't eat that little and i can never go full day or days without eating (sometimes I fast for several days)" like.. I didn't start my relapse at 115 is why??? Ugh seriously- my friend is 5'8 and weighs about 100? Ok ( nothing against ppl of that bmi but it just hurt me )

---

[Discussion] What constitutes a "binge" for you?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Mon May 1 11:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68n7cr/what_constitutes_a_binge_for_you/
---
I had yesterday earmarked as an "eat whatever I want" day, and last night after tallying everything up in MFP, I ended up at almost exactly my TDEE. I'm using that fact to try to not feel guilty today, but when your normal day to day is feeling like a failure if you eat more than 500 cals, it's hard to flip that switch for a day.

Then again, I know lots of people would scoff at a "binge" of like ~1600 calories, so what counts as a binge to you? Is it even a calorie count, or is it a particular food? Or a feeling? Or finishing something, like a whole pizza or box of cookies?

---

[Rant/Rave] S/o to you
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 10:46:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68n3n0/so_to_you/
---
On mobile, can't flair!

I never would have thought to worry about electrolytes or even taking a daily multivitamin while heavily restricting if it wasn't for this sub. So thank you guys, you're all wonderful.

---

[Discussion] Struggling with... intrusive survival instincts? Anyone else?
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 99.4| BMI:19.4 l GW 90| -45 l]
Created: Mon May 1 10:42:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68n2qi/struggling_with_intrusive_survival_instincts/
---
Sometimes I get these weird waves of emotion of fear for myself and panic about what I'm doing to myself.

Usually when I hit another LW, after the euphoria, I immediately get this anxiety gut punching me. And then it most likely will set off a binge because I'm telling myself I need these nutrients and dietary fats (yeah sure).

And then after the binge I become clear headed and the guilt sets in. Especially since I don't/can't/won't purge, I have to deal with the food sitting in me. Stretching out my stomach. The physical pain and the soreness days afterward as your fat cells fill back up.

This sets off the self hate and the fasting/restricting cycle starts all over again. Every week I promise myself I will do better. To try to eat at a deficit and nourish my body the proper way. But I can't. Either I'm self harming by not allowing myself to eat, or I'm self harming by stuffing myself past the point of pain.

TL;DR: DAE also get these weird panics that aren't really you, telling you that you're gonna die, omgwtf are you doing to yourself, it's only FOOD, just EAT a NORMAL amount, etc?



^^Or am i just crazy

---

[Rant/Rave] Weight gain and sadness (rant/rave)
/u/la_perla_negra
Created: Mon May 1 10:41:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68n2i3/weight_gain_and_sadness_rantrave/
---
(Obilitory: can't flair, on mobile) It's rare I post on here I mostly lurk but I felt like you guys would understand better than most. So I got on the scale yesterday (I admit I weigh myself multiple times a day) and realized that I weighed the most I had in months. I'm 5'9 and seeing the scale at 188.9lbs after trying soo long crushed me. I normally do portion control using bento boxes for work but I had been off of work for awhile, and obviously I lack control. Long story short I told myself no más, bento boxes every day regardless of work or not.

It's back to kimchi and miso soup (15 cal and 35 cal) for me.

Thanks for letting me bitch

---

[Rant/Rave] These past 2 weeks have been nothing but a trigger fest. Feeling suffocated lately.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 99.4| BMI:19.4 l GW 90| -45 l]
Created: Mon May 1 10:27:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mzeo/these_past_2_weeks_have_been_nothing_but_a/
---
Started off with my shithead uncle making pig noises while I was eating cake at Easter, and saying I have a double chin and shit...

Then at school I confided in someone that I was getting really pissed about another friend who was acting like the goddamn food police and kept pushing me to eat, randomly telling me about the time she once fainted after accidentally dropping 14 lbs... (she's already only a BMI of 19 normally), commenting about my lunch choices for the day, praising me for eating, or otherwise commenting about how important 3 meals a day is. I was telling this other girl about how my friend was annoying me, and she goes:

"LOL why though?? Is she afraid you're ***anorexic***? ~*Incredulous laugh*~ I mean you're tiny (**ugh**) already, but you're not like ***bony***! You still have a lot of meat on your bones, see?! ~*Pokes my calf resting on a chair*~ You still have a lot of jiggle!"

I wanted to fucking die right then and there.

Then at my birthday the next week, a friend made a shocked comment about how I went back for another huge slice of ice cream cake, this stupid fucking ice cream cake that I had wanted for years but was too scared to eat it even though its my favorite.

She didn't know how hard it was for me to be ok with going through with buying it and having it on my birthday. It was a huge goal I've been working on basically all year. Also when she said this I was 3 days into a week long bingefest, of which she only made worse.

The week long binge was first set off by weighing in at a new low weight of 99.0 and then going out with family. Family always sets off binges for me, I don't know what it is. Or it could have been the LW.

There was even more bullshit that happened but I'd have to write a goddamn novel and this post is already too long. Anyway if you made it this far, bless you. At least I'm back in the restricting swing and feeling a little better. Still definitely gained a few lbs.

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo crushes?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Mon May 1 10:19:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mxo3/thinspo_crushes/
---
This is way oversharing, but I think a big part of my ED is that I generally prefer thin and small partners. I think things like hip-bones, thigh gaps, collarbones and boney hands(omfg) are incredibly beautiful. It doesn't matter if I'm with a girl or a boy, I really like that androgynous shape. I'm not interested in muscles at all, six-packs couldn't look anymore uninteresting to me.

So yeah, DAE find a lot of the thinspo sexually attractive. If so, do you have any 'thinspo'-crushes?

Mine would be Ryan Ross circa 2007 or Kristen Stewart.

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like their weight loss is happening slower than it should be given their caloric restriction?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 125 | 20.2 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 10:05:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68muh9/dae_feel_like_their_weight_loss_is_happening/
---
I know I'm probably completely crazy because CICO is all that matters and I don't have a fucked up metabolism or anything (I don't think), but it seems like my weight loss isn't happening as quickly as it should. I don't really have a scale, but based on the way my clothes fit and my body checks I can tell I've lost weight but not as much as I would've expected. It drives me insane. Is this normal? I know I'm not imagining things--maybe I'm just not being strict enough with my calorie counting/ restriction or my binges (which aren't even that frequent..) are offsetting my progress more than I'm willing to account for.

It almost feels like my weight was dropping faster when I was losing healthily (a few years back lmao). I know that can't be the case scientifically, but I'm just so fed up and feel hopeless.

---

[Goal] What's the most weight you were able to lose in 1 month?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 09:39:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68motn/whats_the_most_weight_you_were_able_to_lose_in_1/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] The dreaded scale
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Mon May 1 09:27:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mm5q/the_dreaded_scale/
---
I just returned from a two week long trip abroad and knew immediately that I'd gained weight despite walking 10-15 miles everyday. I have pretty bad anxiety, especially when traveling and resorted to drinking drinking drinking and eating eating eating. Prior to this trip, I was strictly plant based also, and had to break that due to the lack of resources where I was, which means that now I am lethargic, sick to my stomach, and my skin is worse than it's ever been. My legs look okay but my entire torso is bulging and I've been avoiding the scale until this morning. 10 pounds exactly.

A part of me wants to lend some reassurance.
"It's just bloat and muscle blah blah blah".
But I'm really disappointed in myself. And now that I'm home, I'm unemployed, out of money, and fatter than I was. Time to turn on the fasting timer and spend my day walking to prospective places of employment!

---

[Discussion] DAE constantly refresh this sub?
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Mon May 1 09:20:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mkpz/dae_constantly_refresh_this_sub/
---
I feel like I'm always refreshing this sub to take my mind off of food, ironically. At this point it's a good distraction and there's never enough posts (but I just go through everything by new).

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[Intro] Long time lurker, first time poster
/u/rachelrayromano
Created: Mon May 1 09:02:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mgo7/long_time_lurker_first_time_poster/
---
Hey guys. I visit when I can and it's been helpful to read these posts and comments. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this IRL and I especially feel like the FA movement is super suffocating. It's been an interesting last year for me. I'm 5'4" and I was at 115 for a while, but I dropped down to my current (morning) weight of 106. My nighttime weight is usually between 108-109 and I'm just so happy it's below 110. My current goal is 104 for morning weight.

This is the first time I've weighed 106 since third grade. This is the first time I've been happy with my body and the way I look and feel. This is the first time I feel like me. I feel in control and strong. My BMI is officially underweight and I really couldn't be happier. This is all I've ever wanted and it's a dream come true. My nervous ticks used to be pinching my arm fat right above my elbow and now my ticks include tracing the outline of my ribs on my chest and tracing my shoulder bones since they're so well-defined. Still working on that arm fat though lol. I've just wanted this for so long and now I have this body at this weight and everything feels right.

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[Rant/Rave] Day five in the hospital
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | UGW: dead | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Mon May 1 08:49:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mdz5/day_five_in_the_hospital/
---
They don't want to release till I hold down one meal. It can be literally just a bowl of broth and tea, but yet... I throw it back up. I have two more days until I end up being moved to a psych ward.

I just want to go home. I just finish sipping a bowl of vegetable broth. Literally just 30 calories. I've held it down for 15 minutes so far. Just mind over matter. I really want to get better. I hope I can get better.

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[Help] Can I lose 15 lbs in a month?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 08:37:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mbjg/can_i_lose_15_lbs_in_a_month/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] SUMMER GOALS: MAY EDITION woop woop
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Mon May 1 08:36:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68mbff/summer_goals_may_edition_woop_woop/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] Found my go to candy! (Darrell Lea Strawberry Liquorice)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 1 08:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ma3c/found_my_go_to_candy_darrell_lea_strawberry/
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https://i.redd.it/0fp4duwvfwuy.jpg

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[Other] Even though I'm at a healthy BMI, I still think I'm fat
/u/fatty937
Created: Mon May 1 07:57:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68m3ln/even_though_im_at_a_healthy_bmi_i_still_think_im/
---
I've dropped over 40lbs and my BMI is now 22.5 (I am 16, but if I lie I am 26, I can get a BMI). I still ''chew and spit'' but at most maybe once a week, when I am unable to fit junk into my daily calories.

http://imgur.com/a/jveJE

My stomach still sticks out a bit, and my ''behind'' is still quite big, I want to get them to be normal. I'm going to try and get my BMI to 20.

Also is anybody able to explain what thinspo is, i keep seeing it here?

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[Thinspo] So obsessed with Emma Roberts rn...
/u/starvingforbeauty [5'3| UGW: 106 ]
Created: Mon May 1 07:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68m2m0/so_obsessed_with_emma_roberts_rn/
---
http://imgur.com/R66AivU

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[Discussion] Anyone else find comfort in their ED because they have a shitty relationship?
/u/fleur_de_la_cunt
Created: Mon May 1 07:38:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68m021/anyone_else_find_comfort_in_their_ed_because_they/
---
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, we have a two year old daughter, and I bust my ass going to school and working full time. I'm a good mom. I have huge issues with feeling completely worthless and have frequent suicidal ideation. I tentatively ask him sometimes what he likes about me, which sounds so pathetic and childish and needy, I know. I just feel like he used to be sooo into me and we were so in love and it fucks me up every day that I could sense him falling out of love when I got pregnant (he was the one who was desperate for a baby) and changing his mind about getting married etc.
like we even went to the mall to pick out rings (lol) and he put a deposit down and never made another payment. I just waited in giddiness for months expecting a proposal that never came. I've struggled with enormous food issues my whole life but that's when I really started to severely restrict and purge. He isn't cheating, he's a good guy, he just isn't as needy or emotionally complex as I am and perhaps he doesn't even know how to give me what I crave. Still, you'd think it wouldn't be that hard to tell me ONE thing that's worth anything about me. He just refuses. I know I should find my own self worth but I literally cannot and never have. I can't leave him for various logistical reasons plus we have a daughter and I'm in love so. Yeah. All I have is this secret obsession with food that's taken over my life. I just eventually be so thin he sees how damaged I am on the inside, on the outside. I don't have anyone who really loves me and idk maybe when I'm at my goal weight I'll love myself enough. That's all I have to hope for anymore.

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 1 06:07:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lkla/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_01_2017/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 1 06:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lk9z/weekly_stats_update_may_01_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 01, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 1 06:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lk9b/daily_food_diary_may_01_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] I am jealous of fat brides and this is ridiculous
/u/yesivegoneincognito
Created: Mon May 1 05:44:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lh68/i_am_jealous_of_fat_brides_and_this_is_ridiculous/
---
I have been lurking for months, and I think it's time to introduce myself with a drunk rant.

None of the people who have known me beyond smalltalk would even assume I care about weddings. I am known as the cynical feminist, who wouldn't hesitate to bring arguments against weddings, ranging from the unnecessary/frivolous expenses and negative environmental impact to the act of transferring ownership of women from one family to another.

And yet, here I am. Browsing wedding subreddits and wondering what it feels like to be excited about something. What if feels like to order, then put on a plus-sized dress? How does it feel to smile for portraits, fully confident in your partner's love and commitment?

I am sick of this. I am sick of counting calories, sick of spending most of my free time planning b/p sessions, sick of the smell of vomit that follows me everywhere... I secretly wish to be a fat bride. I wonder what if feels like to be loved, and to love yourself.

What's your darkest secret?

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[Discussion] Dreams of binge eating
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Mon May 1 05:42:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lgpy/dreams_of_binge_eating/
---
I am now 56 hours into my 72-hour fast. I drank a bottle of 0 calorie vitamin water yesterday, along with a regular bottle of water, and a cup of tea. Around 1.5 liters of water (I need to drink around 2.2 liters a day, so I'm a little disappointed in myself). I went to bed at twelve, and didn't wake up through the night like I usually do. However, I did have a strange dream.

In my dream, there were guests over and tons of binge food out in the open, and my mom didn't criticize me like she always does for eating said binge food. And boy, did I fucken eat. There were sour cream and onion chips, which always trigger a binge for me in real life, Flaming Hot Cheetos (which don't trigger anything but I like the flavor of them), tons of Starbursts and Skittles and M&Ms, as well as bars of Cadbury Milk Chocolate candy. Only the chips and the chocolate bar are trigger foods from this list, but god, did I eat. At one point in my dream, I had to squeeze between a table and another person, and I literally upended the table because I'd gotten so fat.

I have no idea where this dream came from, but I've noticed when I restrict (not even heavily, just around 600 a day) I'll have dreams like this. It usually happens in the background of the main focus of a dream (last night, it was that I had to drive my sister to school, but first I had to walk by all the binge food I've ever wanted to eat). When I used to restrict before recovery, I'd never had dreams like this. I'm not sure what to make of them. I always wake up terrified that the events from my dream actually occurred and now I'm suddenly obese.

Does anyone else have dreams of binging? Do you notice a specific pattern about them? I.e., getting them when you've been restricting?

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[Discussion] [Discuaaion] Does restricting/fasting make you feel safe?
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Mon May 1 05:41:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lgil/discuaaion_does_restrictingfasting_make_you_feel/
---
Lately, I have had A LOT going on. A lot of stress, a lot of fear and anxiety. My home life is just starting to sort of stabilize, but with the police involved, it is about to be a literal shitstorm. And I am terrified for my physical and mental safety.

I've been fasting for 3 days now - will almost certainly make it to five. I feel safe with it, like I have some semblance of control over one aspect of my life. The hunger makes me feel like I am doing something right... no one can take this away from me. My sexual will, physical safety, and emotional well-being they can threaten and destroy, b uh the NO ONE can make me eat. No one can make me fail at this

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I just crazy?

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[Discussion] *~~Ideal Aesthetic~~* survey just for fun. Reply with your answers!
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Mon May 1 05:38:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lg1q/ideal_aesthetic_survey_just_for_fun_reply_with/
---
So this is a little survey I posted on my Tumblr and I thought you guys might enjoy it as well. Post a comment with your answers!

**My ideal aesthetic is:** Pastel Goth meets Wiccan K-Pop Idol

**My hair will be:** Long, black, with soft curls and no frizz. Maybe ombre blue-to-purple tips again.

**My skin will be:** Pale, luminescent, firm-looking but soft to the touch. No acne, scars faded to white slivers. Rosy cheeks, porcelain skin. Like Snow White.

**My makeup will be:** Flawless. Pretty rose-tones and nudes for my eyes, a pink-gold shimmer on my cheeks. Perfectly even, jet-black eyeliner wings. Long, dark lashes. Bold, well-groomed brows. Pouting, succulent [gradient lips.](https://www.google.com/search?q=gradient+lips&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1362&bih=648&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwik_5n2nqTSAhUEyyYKHfMuAu8Q_AUIBigB)

**My clothes will be:** Small, delicate, and feminine. Cute, but with an edge. Pastel pinks, purples, and blues contrasting with deep blacks. Delicate silver or rose-gold chains around my neck and hanging from my earlobes, decorated with colorful opals, moonstone, rose quartz, and diamonds.

**My body will be:** Tiny but strong. Soft yet firm. Small and straight, with no lumps and bumps, only delicate curves, only the hills and valleys of my bones peeking through the surface of calm, pale waters.

**My weight will be:** Lighter than a feather. Too light to make a sound when walking across a creaky floor. Too light to leave deep footprints in the snow. So light people worry a strong gust of wind might carry me away.

**When people look at me, they will:** Envy every inch of me. Assume I must be naturally thin, naturally pretty. Wish they were small enough to fit in my tiny clothes. Ask me to teach them how to do makeup like mine. Want to be my friend. Want to protect me. Want to be with me. Want to *be* me.

**EDIT:** I haven't had a chance to comment on all of these, but I just wanted to say I'm so glad you guys enjoyed this survey and I'm having an absolute blast reading all your answers! <3

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[Discussion] Since I never see anyone mention it...
/u/PM_ME_UR_DaNkMeMe
Created: Mon May 1 05:01:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68lavy/since_i_never_see_anyone_mention_it/
---
Do you use MPA? I almost feel like im not allowed to talk about it here because no one does, but it's the best place for thin/bonespo and idk has a different vibe from Reddit. I've learned a lot more there than here, people post a lot more, there's answers to every question... idk is there something bad about it (besides the 'totally not pro ana' thing lol) or is it just not known? Or is it just to sortve keep them as their own communities? Idk what are your thoughts

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[Rant/Rave] Number one wish: Food wouldn't make you gain weight
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Mon May 1 00:49:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68kigl/number_one_wish_food_wouldnt_make_you_gain_weight/
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Imagine just sitting at home, eating food all day, anf being super thin. I wish it was sleep you had to deprive yourself off instead, lol.

Flair: rant/rave

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[Intro] I Hate Myself
/u/yougotmefeelinghigh
Created: Sun Apr 30 22:57:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68k4qy/i_hate_myself/
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I can feel deformities in my eating disorder recently. It's not beautiful and simple like it used to be. Now it is foreign and more distant, yet so quick with the whip when I've displeased it. It is becoming more and more unattainable with every night that passes. I reach out with both hands trying to grab ahold and grip it back to my side where I never wish it to leave.

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[Intro] She Has Left Me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 22:55:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68k4h4/she_has_left_me/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] elisabeth.rioux
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 22:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68jyfq/elisabethrioux/
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https://i.redd.it/f3n01fmldtuy.png

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[Help] Any tips on finding an affordable gym?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sun Apr 30 21:54:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68jvjm/any_tips_on_finding_an_affordable_gym/
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I'm tired of no sidewalks, always being cold, and never being able to fill my water bottle while I walk. I crave a safe place to walk and the only way I'll be able to do that is a gym. All the ones a friend of mine suggested had a $50+ start of fee plus a yearly fee plus monthly fees, and there's no way I could afford that.

Any tips for finding someplace affordable? Does not need to be fancy at all!

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[Goal] Motivation: "I'll race you"
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 21:26:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68jr8y/motivation_ill_race_you/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] May Goals
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | ☣️ | -56 lb | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 20:22:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68jgwd/may_goals/
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So I did this last month too. What are your goals this month? Not all goals have to involve food related things.

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[Thinspo] Ingeborga Dapkunaite
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Sun Apr 30 19:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68j92g/ingeborga_dapkunaite/
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http://imgur.com/a/zh01W

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[Help] I should NOT have gone to Sams Club.
/u/082616 [5' 6.5"/132/22/F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 19:34:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68j8l5/i_should_not_have_gone_to_sams_club/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Life is such bullshit
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 19:05:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68j3e4/life_is_such_bullshit/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'd rather kill myself than be this fat and ugly
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 18:51:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68j0tw/id_rather_kill_myself_than_be_this_fat_and_ugly/
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[removed]

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[Help] Have to eat/need support
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' |115🐞|GW100|18.4|-98|F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 18:50:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68j0q3/have_to_eatneed_support/
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Hello everyone! As the title says, I have to eat more than usual and I 'm having trouble coping with it.

Last week I got a concussion and stupidly I had an episode of b/p. After purging I felt like my head was going to explode and then it caused me to have nausea and puke involuntarily. I then restricted below 500 for 2 days and then had crazy nausea and puked a shit ton, again involuntarily. I decided that I should probably take a concussion seriously so I'm eating between 1200-1400 per day. I'm really sedentary right now which is driving me bat shit up the wall since I normally work out 6-7 days a week.

I'm freaking out because the concussion has made it hard for my brain to function normally(i'm losing words, can't understand certain things easily, disoriented, all that fun stuff) and I have to eat at least a normal amount and only exercise lightly. I've been doing 2-4 hour walks each day which is tiring but it doesn't seem to be making my ssymptoms worse. even with the normalish eating i have nausea and then puke most of the time. I'm scared of what calories my body is keeping from that. Overall I'm just kinda freaking out because, eating and my brain is fucked up and I feel like a pussy for having all this happen. Hopefully this is all making sense!

Has anyone dealt with a concussion/other injuries where you need to eat somewhat normal and ED shit before? I hope not! But if you have any advice would be appreciated c:.

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[Thinspo] Jade Schweizer.
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 18:49:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68j0jo/jade_schweizer/
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http://imgur.com/nS9SgIG

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[Rant/Rave] The shirt was never tight, I was just fucking fat.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sun Apr 30 18:36:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68iy66/the_shirt_was_never_tight_i_was_just_fucking_fat/
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So I have this fitted Keith Haring t-shirt that I looooove but pretty much stopped wearing because it "shrank in the wash" (it didn't) and I was basically too big for it in late October. So I haven't worn it in 5ish months. It was the tightest shirt I owned.

Just put it on today and holy. fucking. shit. It's HUGE. Part of me wonders if it got stretched somehow but it doesn't seem like it. There is SO much extra room, it's hanging off me. Fits like a damn trashbag. If I wanted to make it tight, I'd have to shove an entire pillow in here with me there's so much room.

I keep pulling it away from my body, trying to figure out how it was EVER tight on me before. Holy fuck. It was never tight, I was just fat.

I'm sorta excited/proud of myself because I worked so hard and it's paid off...but I'm also lowkey triggered AF because HOLY FUCK HOW WAS I EVER THIS GODDAMNED BIG?! I can NEVER let myself get that big again, hell even half that big. My brain cannot even process how big I must have been to make this shirt seem tight.

What about you guys? Got a piece of clothing you like to use for body checks, or one you're working towards fitting into? Do you guys have "safe" outfits, kind of like safe foods?

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[Help] Purging + laxatives combination?
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Sun Apr 30 17:56:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68iqto/purging_laxatives_combination/
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Okay folks, my prom is coming up and I need to lose the fucking weight faster. Seriously, even when heavily restricting AND purging it all, I still lost only about 5 lbs in 4 months.

I've got some Dulcolax that I've bought before but they haven't really worked for me. I'm curious why is that. Maybe because I don't really have anything in my stomach but then again, I must have *something*, right?

*Sigh*, I just want to be 65lbs again, why is that so hard to accomplish??

I wish I had the self control to fast again. I'm just so *tired* of food, ***disgusted*** by food, but still so very *hungry*. Jesus.

I sure hope when I finally die I go to heaven, because this is hell.

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[Rant/Rave] I got my period and i'm so fucking hungry
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sun Apr 30 17:38:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68inje/i_got_my_period_and_im_so_fucking_hungry/
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It's literally all I can think about. I ate two quest bars, and some cabbage with greek yogurt and mayo. A slice of cheese with my vitamins, and a few coffees. There's absolutely no way I can justify eating a THIRD quest bar. Those are for this week. DO. Not. Eat them.

So, today I found out my s/o doesn't have an issue with me waitressing at a strip club. I just can't be a stripper again. Tomorrow i'm going in there, and getting a fucking job. Somehow, i'm still stressed out that they're going to turn me down regardless of my extensive experience working in strip clubs because I have little to no experience waitressing. But i'm really not taking no for an answer, here. If this doesn't work out, I hope mcdonalds calls me. I'm so over this life. I need money until this fucking weed pays off, and I really don't care what I have to do for it.

Naturally, I won't let myself eat anything tonight because i'm going to be sized up tomorrow when I go apply to this club. I want to look my best to make up for the fact that i've only ever been a waitress once at a diner for one day when I was 17. Am I probably overthinking this shit? Absolutely, it's what I spend my entire day doing. I overthink shit and come up with every possible outcome to every single situation so that i'm prepared for everything all the time. It's exhausting.

I'm gonna get in the shower, then make some tea so I don't eat all my fucking quest bars and ruin my whole life. Wish me luck, guys. It's been a very rough year so far.

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[Thinspo] non-obvious thinspo for phone backgrounds?
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Sun Apr 30 17:12:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68iivx/nonobvious_thinspo_for_phone_backgrounds/
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Do any of you have thinspo for your phone background? I currently have a pic of audrey hepuburn up, but she's been there quite a while now! celebrities, art or anything like that is appreciated :)... also looking for app suggestions, if anyone has a few.

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[Discussion] What are your favourite elements of yourself? [Discussion]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 15:33:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68i01u/what_are_your_favourite_elements_of_yourself/
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Often our EDs make us feel crappy about everything we do and what we look like. My boyfriend has this system when I'm down in the dumps about everything where he asks what are my three favourite things about myself, and I wondered if it would help other people.

Mine are:
1) I've got a very dark sense of humour
2) I'm multilingual
3) I have nice hair

It really helps me to write them down and makes me feel cheeky for complimenting myself ;) what are yours, lovely humans? :) They can be physical or personality!

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[Help] Planning a multi day fast
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sun Apr 30 15:26:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68hypq/planning_a_multi_day_fast/
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I binged a lot this weekend so I'm planning to fast for the next few days since I seriously need to be under 180 for my boyfriend's graduation. I'm so pissed about this weekend.

I haven't fasted for more than 24 hours before, and I'm really nervous. I don't want to overload on caffeine and plan on just keeping myself busy studying.

The only advice I'm looking for is how to get around meals? I usually end up having to go to at least one meal with a friend or eating in front of my boyfriend at night or else he knows. Is there anything I can do?

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[Rant/Rave] Family noticing
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 15:10:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68hvdx/family_noticing/
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I'm both happy and also trying to stay lowkey.

In the past two weeks my mom has asked twice, very casually as it's been a sensitive topic in the past, if I've lost weight. Then today we were video-Skyping my aunt who said my face looks thinner.

It feels so good to hear but because of my past I'm trying to be careful and make it seem like not a big deal or that I haven't even been trying.

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[Intro] so glad to have found this place!
/u/religiousdogmom [5'5 | CW156.4 | GW107 | BMI 26.1 | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 14:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68hn3x/so_glad_to_have_found_this_place/
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Well, I have relapsed and I haven't told anyone besides halfway telling one of my friends, but I didn't really go into it. I just want to do my own thing for a bit. And honestly, I feel so much better now that I have just OWNED it. I'm overweight right now, and trying to lose weight in a healthy manner was just as triggering.

I was over in the loseit subreddit for a bit and honestly they are so annoying over there. everyone is so disordered anyway. like, they want you to weigh the gum you chew practically. and they are like "women should eat 1200, unless you are short" but if you are under 5'7, you're short to them, so they just give a bunch of disordered advice and are mean! to everyone. if someone is struggling, they are like 'well are you weighing, probably not.'

anyway, happy to be here and happy to be in control again.

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[Rant/Rave] Ruined my good week
/u/Snowbae
Created: Sun Apr 30 14:23:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68hm34/ruined_my_good_week/
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Had such a good week, stuck to 1000 cals a day and made sure that I drank a lot of water and spent 90mins in the gym every day as well as spending my whole days in the library doing work. But then today I get emotional over stupid shit at uni and just completely fuck it. Just because of stupid boys and feeling unwanted and grim. Binged on a whole pack of jammy dodgers, chocolate buttons and a mini pack of Oreos and then purged it within seconds. I wish I had better outlets to deal with all my emotions but I just don't know how to deal with things.

I just feel lonely and sad all the time and I don't see any way to fix it and exam stress is definitely not helping me

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[Rant/Rave] Liquid calories [rant/rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 13:54:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68hgcr/liquid_calories_rantrave/
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Fuck being too socially awkward to socialise when sober.

Had ~900kcal in food today, and then ~500kcal in booze because this genius right here had no idea how many calories half a pint of cider had in it.

Lessons learned I guess :(

Weighed myself at the end of the day and am 60kg though, can I count that as my new low weight? Or does alcohol screw with your weight during the day as well?

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[Discussion] Thoughts on running?
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Sun Apr 30 13:42:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68he2m/thoughts_on_running/
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I feel like it's one of those work-outs where every part of my body is moving and sweating, which feels really good, kind of like swimming but without having to expose my fat. At the same time, runner's bodies are kinda... meh? I also kinda hate how my fat bounces up and down against me and I can feel it jiggling, and how out of breath I get when I haven't been running for a while and I just feel like a pig.

I want to get into lifting, but my university gym is full of naked frat bros grunting and trying to teach me how to use the equipment (leave me alone, I didn't ask you for help). And for right now, a gym membership in NYC isn't something I can afford. I also share a room with three people, so I can't really do video exercises in my room :( So, running seems like the way to go for now.

So to all the runners here – do you feel like your body actually changed for the better from running, or how do you change it up to not get bored? How do you manage your eating/do you force yourself to eat a little bit more if, let's say, you're preparing for a half marathon or 5K? What are some similar exercises to running that is independent and can be done for free or really cheap in the outdoors now that summer is here? :) Thank you for the help!

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[Discussion] What's the most weight you've lost the fastest?
/u/nottheexpert836
Created: Sun Apr 30 13:24:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68hamh/whats_the_most_weight_youve_lost_the_fastest/
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[removed]

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[Help] Muffin top always??
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Sun Apr 30 13:18:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68h9ax/muffin_top_always/
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No matter what size I am it always looks like I have a muffin top?? I don't currently know my weight because I'm in recovery (maintenance rn) and even though my hip bones still show I have this dreaded muffin too whenever I try on bathing suits no matter what the size is. Does anyone else have this problem?

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[Other] Vanity sizing?
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:125 | 18.8 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 13:12:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68h82j/vanity_sizing/
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I'm curious, what do you think about the apparent vanity sizing epidemic?

I sometimes go on the sub /r/fatlogic and I've noticed many times that a lot of people there always complain about how small their clothing sizes are nowadays.

I just saw a post where there's someone saying they weigh in the 150's at 5'7 and wear a size 2. And no one called them out, in fact everyone agreed with them saying they had the same experience.

What?! I wear a size 4 and I'm a good twenty-five pounds smaller then them. It boggles my mind that so many people on a sub with that topic can all be so blatantly full of shit on the subject of clothing sizes.

So I'm wondering, do you think vanity sizing is real? Are there regional differences? Or are the folks on that sub just lying?

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[Goal] First time in my life that I've been happy to see the number on the scale
/u/eekcoffee [5'7'' | 119lbs | 18.57 | -37 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 12:33:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68h0b4/first_time_in_my_life_that_ive_been_happy_to_see/
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I got up today and decided to weigh myself (even though I've eaten complete crap the last two days) and to my surprise, I was 119 lbs!! This is the first time I've been sub 120 since I was 12 years old. And I'm now 1lb away from underweight.

While I am really excited, I also can't help but feel confused. I don't look like I'm close to underweight at all. My pants size is still firmly an 8 and my thighs are huge. I thought that by now I would actually start to look small. Maybe it's because I am 100% fat with 0% muscle. I think that once I hit 115 I will start trying to build muscle and hopefully that will make me actually look skinny..... we'll see. but for now, I am just content to know that I have lost nearly 40 lbs. craziness

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[Rant/Rave] Browsing diet forums and I'm like...
/u/pumpkinpieface [5'7 | 96.6| 15.2 |]
Created: Sun Apr 30 12:31:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gzw3/browsing_diet_forums_and_im_like/
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insanely jealous of all these people who think half a cup of oatmeal or a little salad is 'too much to finish' and 'so filling'. Granted, they're eating like 1500 calories a day and don't think about food 24/7....it still makes me feel like a glutton for cooking a whole cup most days (300) or having a mixing bowl salad and still feeling hungry a few hours later.

Do you guys feel the same way?

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[Help] [Help] Exercising with ED?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 12:28:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gzd8/help_exercising_with_ed/
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I haven't worked out since I started heavily restricting, but I've gotten to the point where I really want to because it's so good for de-stressing. Do you guys have any tips? What are your favorite exercises for quick calorie burns?

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[Rant/Rave] I have wasted 3 years...
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:125 | -7]
Created: Sun Apr 30 12:16:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gwwa/i_have_wasted_3_years/
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Im having a bit of an internal crisis…

everyday for the past 3 years I wake up and do an hour of cardio then I proceed to stress all day about what and when to eat.

However, if i look back through my records- my body hasn’t changed AT ALL (neither weight nor measurements) and this is no mystery to me- I binge eat ALLOT and it is clearly enough to keep my current weight stable.

Upon realizing this Im losing all motivation for everything…

Like, I haven’t wanted to go to the gym all week- I wear unflattering clothes that I can hide in, I dread walking through those doors and having everyone see me here YET AGAIN…
I bet they are all thinking “wow she’s here everyday but never looks any different."

I fast 22 hours then binge on pizza and cookies for NO REASON- i don’t even want them!
its like I’m just wallowing in self pity and its showing on the scale, I’m up 2 pounds and I’m sure i can lose it easily I’m just really upset.

I have been out of work for about a year….In essence I sacrificed work and school and having a social life for an ED that has even gotten me where I thought it would.

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[Rant/Rave] THIS PLATEAU NEEDS TO END
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Sun Apr 30 12:02:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gu2c/this_plateau_needs_to_end/
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FUCKING FUCK FUCK. I AM SO SICK OF NOT SEEING THE SCALE MOVE. IT'S INCHING DOWN SO SLOWLY AND THEN BOUNCING BACK. I WOULD JUST FAST TODAY BUT I ALREADY COMMITTED TO GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH FRIENDS!

IT'S BEEN WEEKS. I CAN'T BE HOLDING WATER LIKE THAT. I SIMPLY CAN'T

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] things are starting to really work for me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 11:54:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gsig/rave_things_are_starting_to_really_work_for_me/
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I'm doing it! I tried maintenance for a little while but honestly, I was not happy with the body I had/have and didn't want to maintain it lol anyways, I got a Fitbit and started adding more exercise to my already semi active life and have been eating around 1200 calories a day. I feel amazing and just hit a new LW this morning 😊😊😊 I forgot how much I love working out. My deficit is around 800-1000 per day but so far, I feel good lol

Anyways thanks for reading my ramble. I'm just really excited. 107.2 baby! BMI is officially 19.0 :)

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like a fat lard and I want to never leave my house again.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 11:46:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gqut/i_feel_like_a_fat_lard_and_i_want_to_never_leave/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] A fresh start..
/u/penthea [5'9 | behemoth | GW:120 | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 11:22:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gm0j/a_fresh_start/
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Sorry for no flair, I'm on mobile.
Hello lovelies, happy Sunday. I've been thrashing around like a drowning person for the last few months, due to the combined pressure of my final year of study at university and some other mental health stuff that's been going on, and because I've been avoiding purging, I've gained a whole bunch of weight from stress binges. I feel like a marshmallow, everything is uncomfortable, and I can't deal with it anymore. A fortnight ago I was sexually assaulted, and now my relationship with my body is worse than ever. I want to starve to the point of feeling small enough and compact enough that nobody will notice me. So starting from now, I'll be cutting to 800 or lower without any binge/purge behaviour. I believe in you, I believe in me, we can all achieve what we want, and I love you all.

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[Discussion] Another coffee post
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Sun Apr 30 10:50:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gfuq/another_coffee_post/
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I know I've seen a handful of favorite coffee, how do you take your coffee, who loves coffee posts, but I'm doing another because I deviated from the norm today and was really curious about yall! Include calorie counts if you so please.

1. When making it at home, how do you take your coffee?
2. When ordering it from a coffee place (Starbucks, Coffee Beanery, Corporate Coffee Place #3), what do you typically get?
3. What is your go-to Treat Yo Self coffee drink? Or if it's not technically coffee, what is it?

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Weight Gain from Eating with BF?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 10:35:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68gcym/weight_gain_from_eating_with_bf/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I am totally insane
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sun Apr 30 08:51:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ft38/i_am_totally_insane/
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I literally just woke up at 6:00 am, ate like 2 cups of cereal without thinking, and then suddenly realized I just ruined my goal for the day. 600 calories gone in like 10 minutes at 6:00 am in the morning.

Got my ass up and ran 5 miles though! I've been running almost daily for the past 2 months so this was a breeze and I ran off most of what I ate.

Now I just have to avoid mindlessly eating again, I swear to god.

Good news is: Im losing the fat around my face and arms! I look how I used to be when I was skinny. I just still have a stomach and legs but thatll go next :)

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[Discussion] ED music?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 08:20:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68fo1c/ed_music/
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I was listening to Sippy Cup by Melanie Martinez and I noticed a line that went:

'You've got weights in your pocket

When you go to the doctors

Your favorite candy's cotton

That's why all your teeth are rotten'

Does anyone else know 'normal' music with ED lyrics. I know a few more, if there's interest.

Flair: Discussion

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[Discussion] Hey.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Apr 30 08:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68fm8m/hey/
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I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm leaving this subreddit. These past couple days have been hard on me, i guess I've tarnished my reputation. But it's alright. I'm not trying to be super dramatic, i just wanted you guys to know because i know some of you can get concerned if i disappear. I don't want to worry anyone. Stay strong. ✨💕

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[Help] What do I do?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 07:57:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68fkcj/what_do_i_do/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Nearly halfway through my 72 hour fast!
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 07:45:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68fijs/nearly_halfway_through_my_72_hour_fast/
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I kinda sorta binged on chips and pizza a couple days ago, so to make up for it, I decided to fast for 72 hours. The first 24 hours were surprisingly easy. I'm at 35 hours and 45 minutes right now. I've only drank water so far, and not much of it. I'll try to aim for a little over 2 liters today, since I weigh in tomorrow.

I'm so excited!! I've never done a fast before. Hopefully, with my three day fast, I'll be able to offset the 4k calories I consumed over the course of two days :/

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[Other] [Other] Just a quick reminder...
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Sun Apr 30 07:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68fhtk/other_just_a_quick_reminder/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Starbucks Calorie Counting Tip!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 30 06:20:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68f72j/starbucks_calorie_counting_tip/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 30 06:11:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68f5vm/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for more? Check out [last week's Sunday post](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ot2k/sunday_discussion_recipes_and_food_finds/).

Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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[Discussion] Can your period make you stay at the same weight?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 06:10:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68f5qe/can_your_period_make_you_stay_at_the_same_weight/
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On mobile.

Sorry if this is TMI.

Ok, this is probably an obvious question. But I have been doing so well on my diet, under 500 calories every day. But the scale has not moved. I did eat up to maintenance for two days, and then fasted for 30 hours after that, so I don't think I'm plateauing. My period came a few days ago, (which is odd because I'm on birth control and don't usually get my period, but whatever) could that be causing my weight to stay the same?

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 30 06:04:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68f51r/daily_food_diary_april_30_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Goal] I promise
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sun Apr 30 04:13:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68esg9/i_promise/
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I promise to stop treating my body like trash and to give it the same love and attention I give my mind.

I promise to stop dealing in absolutes and rather see success and failure as a continuum replete with grey areas.

I promise to to be ok with inter-day weight fluctuations.

I promise to stop hiding away.

I promise to allow myself to breathe.

I promise to only put good things into my body.

I promise to have the utmost self-control and be the director of my own life.

I promise to find my happy, thin and confident self.

I promise to be better from here on out.

But I don't promise not to restrict. She stays.

(mobile)

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[Discussion] What are your goals for May, how did April go, and what's your fave ice cream flavor?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 03:55:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68eqmu/what_are_your_goals_for_may_how_did_april_go_and/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68eqmu/what_are_your_goals_for_may_how_did_april_go_and/

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[Rant/Rave] Fucking hooray!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 03:20:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ena9/fucking_hooray/
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You guys. I've lost twenty pounds. I was scared to update my flair but now my scale's said the same number for three days. Omg. I've actually done something right for once.

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[Rant/Rave] People and their calories
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Apr 30 02:08:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68egal/people_and_their_calories/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fighting "Starvation Mode"
/u/BiByBye [5'4"| CW: 119.6lbs | -15.4 | GW: 114 lbs | UGW: 105 lbs | 30F]
Created: Sun Apr 30 00:17:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68e3sp/fighting_starvation_mode/
---
On mobile, please tag Rant/Rave


Something in my life needs to change. I'm depressed. Like seriously depressed. I used to be so healthy and fit and energetic and fun to be around. I used to create; painting, drawing, crocheting stuffed animals for friends kids. I used to take long walks in the middle of the night, or bike 25 miles just because I could. Now I just lay in bed, nose in my phone, hating my life.


Sorry for the self depreciation. It's just, at my lowest, I was about 85 to 90 lbs. I had to choose between a place to live, or food. Wasn't a hard choice at the time.


I starved for nearly a year. I didn't count calories, I ate what I could get which wasn't much. Especially since I seemed to adopt all the homeless teenagers in my town. When a 14 year old girl tells you she's sleeping under the overpass and hasn't eaten in 4 days, it's hard to send them on their way if you have any amount of food, shelter, or compassion. So what food I did get was often given away to someone who needed it more. Dumpster diving was definitely not out of the question.


Then everyone moved on, I got a job that pays great but I'm sitting down all day. And after starving for a year... well, being able to eat whatever, whenever... it's not hard to overdo it.


I'm currently about 140 lbs. Not huge, but from 85/90 lbs? That's at least 50 pounds over what my body was used to carrying. And it hurts. I've got severe scoliosis, PTSD, depression, anxiety, IBS, bursitis in both hips, plus god knows what else. I'm on more medication than I've ever been, but I just want to be thin again. I feel like the extra weight is a huge factor in the pain, the anxiety, and the depression.


Here's the thing. Every time I try to lose weight, either by restricting or fasting, something in my brain clicks on and I'm met with any of these:


- "Well, it's already in the house and you're going to eat it anyway, why not eat it now? It's going to have the same amount if calories whether you eat it all right now or over the next three days."


- "To lose weight you need to eat healthy"


- "You're hungry, you're seriously hungry. The last time we felt like this we were literally starving. Who knows when we'll be able to eat again, someone else may end up eating it and then what? You'll starve again"


And I KNOW that I shouldn't eat all of it, and I know that to lose weight I need to NOT eat, and I know that I'm not starving, but somehow the part of my brain that knows this doesn't win against the "eat that" part of my brain.


They say "starvation mode" is your body storing calories "just in case" when you're fasting or restricting. That's bullshit. Starvation mode is the panic in your head when trying to restrict or fast after you've spent time literally starving.


Today I bought some pickles, carrots, and miracle noodles. Starting tomorrow I'm fasting for as long as I can. I am going to lose this weight. I'm going to stop binging. And if the "eat that" part of my brain can't shut up, it's got three choices for what it gets.


Wish me luck. You all are beautiful.

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[Rant/Rave] Bye for now LW- was doing so well until tonight
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 22:35:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68dr5d/bye_for_now_lw_was_doing_so_well_until_tonight/
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I've been restricting and finally got a whoosh (went from 139, to 138, to 136) and hit a new recent LW! Then tonight I screwed up and ate brownies, chips, and pizza. Trying not to be mad at myself and just get back on track tomorrow and make sure to workout, but of course this happened just after I hit a LW.

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[Rant/Rave] Just kill me now
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat Apr 29 20:53:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68dc9o/just_kill_me_now/
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I just finished purging in the bathroom at work because my FP got me a mocha and I made sure to tell him to get it skinny but... It tasted different than usual. I asked him if it was skinny and he said yes.

Then when I got about halfway through it, he said "haha, actually they were out of the skinny syrup so it's regular". Then i freaked out and was like "why didn't you tell me?!?"

And he said it's because I'm starving myself (hahaha hahaha I Wish) and one coffee won't kill me. I reminded him that he has seen me eat half of a pizza before (what he didn't know is I would fast for two days after to make up for it ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ plus I've stopped eating in front of him because it makes me want to die) and he's like "oh yeah. Nevermind you definitely aren't going to starve" so I took my break and cried then purged

But I'm okay, wanting to die is normal right??? 🙃🙃🙃

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[Help] Graduation.....
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sat Apr 29 20:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68d4lr/graduation/
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I have graduation on the 13th and I'm so fat. How do I deal with all the pictures people are going to take?! I have a white dress to wear and it's just going to be awful. I didn't lose much due to stress and working 24/7. I didn't gain, but I had a plan of at least being 7 pounds smaller and more toned. I'm so bummed out guys....

Should I wear a tummy waist trainer? And how do I make my arms appear smaller?! I'm going to get a spray tan and hope that helps!

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[Help] Thinspo angles?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 19:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68cwok/thinspo_angles/
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This might be a weird question, but does anyone know what some of the tips and tricks people use to appear "thinspo" in pictures are? I know they're all thin to begin with, but I feel like certain angles/lighting/cameras/something also contribute to looking so fragile and delicate?

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[Rant/Rave] The blues of restriction
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 110lb |F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 18:52:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68ct8u/the_blues_of_restriction/
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I had such a sucessful week of restriction, then I weighed myself today and the scale actually went up which, of course, made me panic and throw caution out the window and just eat a mini-binge...at least I kept it to maintenance, but still what a bummer.

I stocked up on baby carrots (my safe food) so I can do better next week.

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[Rant/Rave] Recovery is hard
/u/yeezyblender [5'1 | 97 | BMI 18.3 | ]
Created: Sat Apr 29 18:43:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68cruz/recovery_is_hard/
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For the first time in years I've been eating solids *real* meals. I'm talking 2 meals a day at least. (With sides and actually eating all of the food). I've felt fucking amazing mentally and I hadn't gained any weight!! Until today. In march I weighed 94 at my lowest and I was elated. This morning I weighed 97... I was crushed. I feel physically sick and it's taking every inch of me to not go back to my absolute worst habits of restricting. There isn't anyone I can share this with irl and I'm just feeling so lost and sad right now..

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[Rant/Rave] It's Party Time!
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -45 | 31F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 16:43:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68c6wk/its_party_time/
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I woke up this morning and stripped down like every other day to face the scale. I'm down 50 pounds since mid January.

Yay!

I celebrated my latest weight loss goal and fucked up menstruation cycle by eating an entire steak and cheese sub (with 2 types of cheese) then purging it all away.

Cause I'm an asshole.

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[Discussion] Diet drinks and artificial sweetener
/u/hopelessly--hopeful [5'4" | puts whales to shame| F| 23]
Created: Sat Apr 29 16:39:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68c66v/diet_drinks_and_artificial_sweetener/
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So I love love zero calorie drinks especially cherry coke zero. Does anybody else worry about health effects from sweeteners like aspartame, or is it really nothing to freak out about? Obviously my eating habits aren't healthy so its weird to wonder about the effects of artificial sweeteners on my health, but I was just curious. Also, if anybody knows some of the potential 'bad effects', could you list a few?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:56:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68byl0/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/6ub6rhemdkuy.jpg

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Bought this instead of Diet Coke, honestly pretty please with it!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bub0/bought_this_instead_of_diet_coke_honestly_pretty/
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https://i.redd.it/3h6aaana9kuy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I've been doing so well lately.
/u/lululights
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:30:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68btz8/ive_been_doing_so_well_lately/
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I've been getting compliments. I've been losing. I've been called slender, dainty, and bony. I'd actually started to believe it.

Today, though, I went to an event and, as usually happens with events, candid pictures were taken.

Guys, I look SO FAT in all of them. My arms look like fucking tree trunks. I was tagged in all of them on Facebook, so now everyone can see how fat I really am. No more being disguised by my cleverly angled body shots and selfies. I never want to eat again. I'm disgusting and it hit me so hard and so fast.

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[Help] having a hard time restricting after residential
/u/lilashtraay
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:18:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68brqv/having_a_hard_time_restricting_after_residential/
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i got home three days ago from timberline knolls after spending four weeks there. honestly, that place changed my life for my drug addiction, but not so much the eating disorder. if anything, it made it worse. i wasn't even twenty-four hours home until i started purging. i haven't purged in five years, but i came home after not seeing my body for a month, had the worst meltdown, and knew that's what i needed to do since i am having a hard time restricting. i have absolutely no hunger cues still, even though they said that would come back, but yet all my head is going to is binge binge binge. i'm in such a bad place of hating myself because i gained, give or take, twenty pounds there. i'm a nervous wreck that won't leave the house. i feel so lost.

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[Rant/Rave] I always binge and purge when I'm doing well
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-86 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:15:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68brbs/i_always_binge_and_purge_when_im_doing_well/
---
I'm finally loosing weight steadily for the first time in months. I've finally got a new formula down for loosing weight but for some reason I've been sabotaging myself the last couple days. It happens every single time I'm doing well I want to screw myself up.

It had been at least a month since I last purged, as I've been trying really hard to stop. But for some reason the last couple days, I just snapped and started pigging out on any and all foods, and then purging 1-2 times a day.
I just don't get it.

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[Thinspo] Thinspo: black bear's new album cover. The bones are my upper body goals.
/u/daeboo [5ft2/lmfao]
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:10:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bqfw/thinspo_black_bears_new_album_cover_the_bones_are/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfRsruZ8DGQ

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Won a bag of candy at work
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:09:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bqaq/won_a_bag_of_candy_at_work/
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Yesterday I won a trivia contest at our quarterly meeting, and part of the reward was a bag of candy. I laid it all out and there are 2,470 calories in this bad boy. Fuck my liiiiiiffeeeee.... Contemplating if I should toss the whole thing, give 'em away or chew and spit it all.

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[Thinspo] Thinspo: black bear's new album cover. The bones are my upper body goals.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 15:08:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bq04/thinspo_black_bears_new_album_cover_the_bones_are/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBdZuWHgARo&index=16&list=PLrH9bDFvGYuDeFT5mY4OnDFKS1_hk4b3e

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[Rant/Rave] I resent the women in my family so much...
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 14:58:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bo7c/i_resent_the_women_in_my_family_so_much/
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My mom always talks about how fat she is and how much she wishes she were thinner (she's not thin but she's not fat either, just average for someone her age). My aunt has never had kids and she's thinner than me despite being 30 years older than me, and she's on Weight Watchers and constantly talks about dieting. I don't think it's really "disordered" because half the women in America think that stuff about themselves. But what really gets me is that they tend to project it on me in really subtle ways. Whenever I would eat whatever I wanted, they would make comments about it that were kinda rude, but nothing too bad. When I started losing weight in really unhealthy ways, my mom expressed concern, but then the very next day said I looked great. I gained a little back, being home over the summer, and my aunt said that she thought I'd look better once I got back to school and the weight I had gained would "melt right off." (I went to my room and cried after that, thanks a lot).

I'm not blaming them for my ED, but I can't help but feel like I would have turned out at least a little different if I were raised in an environment where the adult women in my life didn't vocally hate their bodies.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so all or nothing
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 14:52:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bn59/im_so_all_or_nothing/
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i hate how i go all day without eating and then as soon as i get food i HAVE to clean my plate. i'm like, physically unable to purge (why world, why??!) and i can only work out so much. i hate being full. i hate calories. why can't i fucking eat like a normal person ): i have no self restraint and no control around food and it makes me sick. it doesn't even have to taste good!!!!

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[Goal] I will not let my ED ruin my semester
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Sat Apr 29 14:16:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68bgfe/i_will_not_let_my_ed_ruin_my_semester/
---
This upcoming week is my finals week and I have a bunch of work to do. I had a couple assignments due Friday that I'm pretty sure I bombed. I would've done better if I had more time, and I would've had more time if I didn't speak it binging and purging.
My semester is still salvageable, but I need to hustle. I'm going to try my hardest this week to focus on my work instead of prioritizing doing ED shit. I know it will be hard, but I need to pass.

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[Discussion] DAE feel alone even though you know there's a lot of people who go through the same thing you go through?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat Apr 29 13:38:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68b8wo/dae_feel_alone_even_though_you_know_theres_a_lot/
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like, I see tons of kind people like you online who are very warm and understand the daily ED struggle but does anyone feel kinda...alone in their own world who deals with this?

It's like falling into a rabbit hole and finding out the friends you meet there also feel like home in a way but...it isn't really your home?? lol IDK

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[Help] [Help] Restricting and migraines
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sat Apr 29 13:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68b7gt/help_restricting_and_migraines/
---
I'll preface this by saying I know that nobody can give medical advice, and that I'm just looking for anyone who might have had a similar experience and has figured out something that works for them.

I suffer from migraines. I've had them mostly under control with a preventative medication I take daily. However, over the past few weeks they've been cropping up bad again, and I'm concerned it might be related to my low restriction. Has anyone had any experience with low restriction triggering migraines or headaches, and how did you deal? Are there specific vitamins you supplement to help with this?

I'm not scared of going to the doctor, so if it continues I may just go to my gp and have them check my bloodwork and see if I'm really low in anything that might be causing headaches.

Any insight is appreciated!

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[Discussion] losing weight while b/ping?
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 86.2 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Sat Apr 29 13:26:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68b6pr/losing_weight_while_bping/
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until the past few weeks, my ED was almost exclusively restriction. i'd always heard that binging and purging would result in weight gain, maintenance or fluctuation - but wouldn't get me underweight.

lately, though, after getting out of php, the formerly rare b/p aspect of my ED has become almost all of it. i'm b/ping 2 or 3 times every single day. i don't exercise. they are genuine binges, huge uncomfortable amounts of food, not eating maybe a candy bar and purging it. (it's gross and wasteful and embarrassing, but it is what it is, lol.)

but i'm dropping weight? albeit it slowly in comparison to restriction - i'm still down almost 20 pounds from the high weight i hit in inpatient.

has anyone else experienced this? why do some people gain or not lose while purging? why am i able to?

i don't want this to sounds like bragging in some sick way, and i'm very sorry if it does. i'm just very confused about this situation!

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[Discussion] DAE wear tons of clothes to bed?
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sat Apr 29 12:56:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68b0sh/dae_wear_tons_of_clothes_to_bed/
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When I go to bed I dress up with long sleeves and heavy pj bottoms so I don't have to feel my fat body rub against itself. Even during the summer! It's brutal but I can't fall asleep if I can feel skin on skin. I feel like a total weirdo lol

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[Discussion] DAE know they have a set goal weight in mind that they're happy with and won’t want to deviate from?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 125 | 20.2 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 12:49:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68azh1/dae_know_they_have_a_set_goal_weight_in_mind_that/
---
I feel like I’m different from a lot of people in here who say they have a GW, UGW, and then once they reach that weight they still aren’t happy and keep adjusting their goal weight downwards. My GW is the weight I was at in my senior year of high school, in which I initially gained weight and then dropped to a lower weight, and then was generally happy with how I looked—my proportions, still retained some ass and boobs (like 32C). The only thing I wasn’t happy with was the appearance of being skinny fat, cellulite stretch marks all that jazz, but that’s stuff I know I can work off with exercise and toning up, not something I have to lose weight to deal with. Now that I’ve gained weight and am aiming to lose, I know that once I reach approximately that weight I’ll be satisfied and stop trying to lose/ restrict, and instead focus on toning up so I won’t look totally skinny fat the way I do now (ugh).

Is anyone else like that? I feel like I can’t even claim I’m “disordered” since I don’t have this desire to keep on losing like some people and I am satisfied with my body at a certain point, but my habits are definitely unhealthy since I restrict so much and obsess over calories.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Does anyone else intentionally eat gross foods to stop themselves from binging?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 12:26:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68auyl/discussion_does_anyone_else_intentionally_eat/
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I'm sitting here licking a stock cube because it's better than eating the ice cream in the freezer. It's so disgusting, it tastes oily and overly salty and my tongue is numb from the rough texture, but it's only 13 calories so I'm doing it anyway. And you know what, I can't stomach the idea of eating anything else right now so it's working. It's just weird and I wouldn't want anyone to see me doing it. I'm not alone in this, right?

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[Goal] Trying again. What are your goals?
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Sat Apr 29 12:20:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68atnu/trying_again_what_are_your_goals/
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Posted this recently, but it got taken down.

For clarity, I'm not asking for ana buddies or for anyone to keep me accountable, I'm just posting publicly so that I'm more likely to stick to my goals personally. I'd also like to hear your goals!

Let's try this again:

"Can't flair, on mobile.

I was going to make a personal post to keep myself publicly accountable, but I figured a lot of us might want to do the same :)

I personally feel like when I post on the internet I have a little more drive to do it, and the goals don't get lost as easily.

Let me hear your goals! You've got this ❤️

Mine: Stop eating refined sugar (100%), stick to a restrictive meal plan (fasting just leads to binging for me), lose or maintain weight, eat cleanly and leanly and at regular intervals, keep exercising (getting strong and flexible), stay working hard and making $, be sweet and friendly, be a good partner, stay hydrated, have FUN."

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[Thinspo] My goal body...a little different than others.
/u/svoots [5'2| UGW 95 lbs]
Created: Sat Apr 29 11:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68aomz/my_goal_bodya_little_different_than_others/
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http://imgur.com/bgWbCNe

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[Rant/Rave] need advice about anxiety dealing with other people
/u/mrsalwayswright
Created: Sat Apr 29 11:38:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68alh3/need_advice_about_anxiety_dealing_with_other/
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Long time ednos sufferer technically because anything related to issues with food I've had. I am barely getting back on my feet after a long period of shitty luck bad juju and part of that was health issues that assisted me in gaining a lot of weight since i went from not eating to being forced on bed rest(not related to ed) and being forced to eat for my health. I almost died three times so I know I should be grateful...but yay being a damaged person I really struggle with self esteem.

Well Im almost 100 healthy now. Got a new job (in food *sigh) so Ive been trying to get back to a normal weight I tried it the healthy way that got triggered to my ed again because people cant seem to stop making comments even well intentioned about my weight or what im eating ect.

See
Ex rude older male manager cant seem to not make a comment about everyone that isn't appropriate or warranted.
"Oh i see you ordered" x"( healthier option even)you should get our salads sometime but i bet you are one of those who hates veggies

Next day he apparently forgets that exchange
And says "you know our salads could really help you tighten up"

Or my personal favorite when he said i must make a beep beep beep sound when I back up because I was pulling rugs for mopping.
It.was.said.to.my.face.
When i snapped finally and asked what that was supposed to mean he backed off but shit

He also critiques our hair color style our shoes ect hes just an ass. But it hurts us i wont say more because of what we deal with...but wtf?!

SHUT THE FUCK UP don't make a comment to some one let one someone you dont know you don't know their shit right?

Well fast forward ive been there a year at that job same managers been an ongoing struggle.

I wont post stats its triggering for me but im not even that big. Im just bigger than i was but yes i am on the bigger side now and theres definitely bigger people who work here. And its not just me as stated he just picks out perceived flaws and encourages other workers to do the same by doing it and doesnt think its wrong because he does it too so it cant be right?
Ive got a significant bit of weight off its a known thing i refuse to eat food in front of people but the nicer coworkers (which most of them are super cool) always try to invite me to eat with them ect and i always politely decline.

I confided in a girl i feel bad turning them down we ended up talking about our struggles with food. She knows she did everything but say i have an ed too i get it. Ect it was understood we didn't go into it too much but she basically was supportive and said she had noticed i was trying and i looked happier. Very carefully worded as we do to identify our kind and be respectful since we get issues with weight food ect.

Well that fuzzy feeling immediately disappeared when i walk into the pass bar (where the food comes to the servers to be dressed up for customers) and my other manager is checking my employee meal to go and it is a salad this time. And he asks is this "mrsalwayswright's" like hes shocked and he shakes his head and asks the cook again..."are you sure...she doesnt eat salads!" Like hes expecting my meal has to be a big sloppy double bacon cheeseburger with loaded fries right? Because im a sloppy mess right?

This guy works out three times a day is jacked a fitness weirdo possibly ahletica nervosa or something because of how often hes obsessed with protein mass ect. His weight other factors.

The healthy part of my brain knows he had no idea i was there. And he wasnt making fun of me hes not that kind of guy but you could tell...he basically assumes if you are even a little overweight that it means you are or live a certain way

I didn't even get my salad i clocked out and ran out before anybody could say anything and break my calculated mask of shock.

But you bet your ass the second the car door shut. I drove in silence to the next business and just started bawling. all I can think is I bet the one person I could talk about it irl...(the girl im 99.999% sure is one of us from work) I dont want to because what if it's like last time I tried opening up to someone about this (also work because where else do adults make friends?) I later found out she told everyone I was making shit up for attention was too fat for an eating disorder...I was freshly relapsed and was barely 110 even then

Ive been though so much I sacrificed my body to stay alive but sometimes i wish i had just died. I hate when people look at me im always feeling like they are dissecting me in their heads. I can't eat in front of anyone because i know they are judging me from the way they look at me.

Ive spiraled to eating once a day so people see me take food from work and i make sure my husband sees me eat so he thinks its not as bad as it is. Ill eat a salad so he thinks thats why im doing so good.

But he always leaves for work maybe thirty minutes after i get home so when the door leaves i turn down the tv and wait for the sound of him turning up the cars bass and pulling safely away and start my purge rituals

So....what am I even doing this for?
All this hard work to try and get myself right and im still apparently a fat greasy pig in lipstick.

Why do people feel the need to comment on this stuff?
What on earth is the benefit? Am I supposed to magically become a -16 because you allude to the fact that you dont think Im in shape.
And guess what i still feel ugly at a size 0 so I dont even know how to feel.

Im never good enough. For myself. My parents. Ive had a s/o when i tried to recover and put on a measly 8 lbs was still underweight it was all adjustment bloat suddenly go from thats not healthy to well you don't want...to ....like be heavy now though right. And started hinting he basically was saying the lines of what you are supposed to say but he couldn't tolerate if i was ever even a bit over weight.

My parents were the same way. I was praised when people would make comments about how i was getting too thin ect. In private but id over hear them saying oh yeah we've been concerned but if i was eating anything both but my dad in particular
Do you really need that. Constant comments of what looked good on women and what was undesirable

But when I was hospitalized and we had a family therapy session and suddenly none of that happened I made it up...but all three of your kids have food issues....so....whos lying?

Im so sick of this. Im sick of being upset all the time. Im so sick of being compared to others an impossible standard that even when im trying theres always one more thing someone waNts to suggest to help me be better even if its well intentioned. Its not like Im silently judging myself enough for both of us at all times...

Its never going to stop. I mostly do it out of habit nonowI dont feel lime a human being. Even if i get to my gw....i know thats just a bench mark. I wont be happy.

All anyone cares about is the surface. I see all these naturaly pretty people around me and i cant help the jealous bitter feelings watching them be flirted with or getting big tips while i do good money wise because im good at my job and gry to be a nice person.

But no one will touch my arm while i toss ny hair back in giggle.
Im just" not that kind of girl." "My bet friend but just a friend" how many times have I suffered through that?

I wish just once I coud be the pretty one and not the one being poked fun at or walk past without some kid pointing at me or prettens in bootg shorts at walmart snickering i assume at how im a work in progress
and they havent discovered how life and age
Fuck with your metabolism and waist line and cant even imagine what its like to struggle with this but sacrifice your body to try and start a family only to lose three babes late term so they were fully formed human beings i could feel squirming inside me with names andqll my hopes and dreams and even though you try not to, attachment awell ,have your body beyond destroyed with no baby to show for it and a husband who doesnt know I heard him telling a friend how he struggles not to resent me and all of that when theres no family. Just me. And he loves me but....

Even if i was skinny again....what if im still miserable? Because ai have a sneaking suspicion I will still be able to tell when people are just being nice and that im just nit ever going to be that girl that wakes up and shimmies into something cute and fashionable and runs there fingers through their hair and does quick makeup
And somehow looks flawless

Im continuing to lose weight
Im fucking crying though my eyelash extensions i cant really afford to hide my ugly hooded eyes with a fucking platinum blonde dye job in progress (stripping out dark dye)
Hour of making makeup look like alll the effort i put in with contouring blush the works.
And I still look like a grocery store clerk from the midwest whose seen better days on my best day...and for what?

Please help me. Someone tell me theres light at the end of the tunnel.
Im not going to hurt myself or anything im just miserable and i feel so alone.

I try so so hard with everything and every time it seems like its getting better something derails it. I feel so worthless. No one will probably read this long post anyway.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo. I don't see an option for NSFW so no more bonespo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Apr 29 10:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68adhv/daily_thinspo_i_dont_see_an_option_for_nsfw_so_no/
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https://i.redd.it/maulu14dwiuy.jpg

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[Discussion] How to get the most optimum/needed nutrition on an extended 100 calories a day fast?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 10:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68aauq/how_to_get_the_most_optimumneeded_nutrition_on_an/
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I've water fasted for 24 days before and it went well, but at the time I wasn't active/working. Since I'm working I've tried water fasting but fail at day 3(day 5 was always when things got easy for me, but I can't even get to day 5 anymore.) I'm really active at work and am constantly on the move. I want to try to keep it at 100 calories a day. I want to get the most out of those 100 calories but am not quite sure what I should eat? Vitamins? Protein? Fats? Electrolytes?

Anyone have any suggestions?

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[Rant/Rave] I am strong.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 10:28:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68a7of/i_am_strong/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE struggle with dining halls?
/u/ramargo [5'8" | huge | gelatinous brickhouse | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 09:52:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68a0td/dae_struggle_with_dining_halls/
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I'm a college student with a dining hall meal plan and it triggers the polarity of my ED hard. It's a pretty much just a buffet with all of my binge foods splayed out in huge quantities. The two modes I have are 1. Fast/restrict in my room, staying as far away from binge land as possible 2. Binge and purge in e dining hall. Even if I go into the dining hall saying that I'll have a small-normal meal, 9/10 times I end up b/p ing on crappy pizza, cookies, frozen yogurt etc. I can gorge and not feel the financial pain of spending a bunch of money on binge food because it's a pre-paid, all you can eat plan. I feel so trapped and pathetic. I am moving into my own place this summer and next year, and I'll have complete control over what food I have. There's hope. But today is really hard. I had a huge, heaping plate of binge food, and usually I try to be more concealing of it, taking little bits at a time, but today something broke and I just didn't give a fuck. I walked past a table of pretty, skinny girls, and as soon as I passed, they all started giggling and snickering. One of them said "did you see that girl's plate???". Ugggggh guys. :( Is anyone else in college or in a situation where your only meal source is that kind of buffet setting? What's it like for you? How do you deal with it?

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[Goal] I'm doing it. I've had enough. I'm doing a month long fast.
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Sat Apr 29 09:28:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/689w74/im_doing_it_ive_had_enough_im_doing_a_month_long/
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This week it was idiot after idiot telling me how I have SUCH A PRETTY FACE or IF ONLY I LOST SOME WEIGHT. Fuck. You. You don't know me. You don't know what I'm going through. I've had enough. I'm not eating all throughout May. I'm going on a month long water fast. I'll supplement with vitamins and minerals but no calories.

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Google can read minds.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 09:06:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/689s45/google_can_read_minds/
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On mobile, can't flair.

I was laying down for sleep yesterday, when a random thought popped into my head. How much does one boob weigh? I don't have the biggest breasts, but I was curious how much of my weight was in my chest. When I typed it into Google and pressed enter, the first website that came up was a pro-ana site. Google knows more about me than I thought.

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[Discussion] Gross loose skin
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 08:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/689l8k/gross_loose_skin/
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https://i.redd.it/bdu4q4vg5iuy.jpg

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[Help] Help me decide my lunch from this menu! (Vegetarian or seafood options, no meat, approx 400 calories max.)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 08:23:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/689kok/help_me_decide_my_lunch_from_this_menu_vegetarian/
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http://sushiedo.com.au/menu.html

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[Discussion] Do people ever compare you to cartoons or anime characters?[discussion/rave]
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 110 | F | 👽]
Created: Sat Apr 29 08:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/689h87/do_people_ever_compare_you_to_cartoons_or_anime/
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My friends often tell me that I remind them of Edward from Cowboy Bebop, because of her personality but also because of her body type. They probably don't understand how happy that makes me lol. I also get compared to Tracer from Overwatch a lot. An "anime character" body is pretty much my goal body. Does anyone else get compared to cartoons a lot?

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[Rant/Rave] Last time I post in fat logic
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Sat Apr 29 07:31:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/689cc6/last_time_i_post_in_fat_logic/
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They literally responded to a question about work with FATLOGIC;

lol I just have to vent.

Then it was removed and I got unsolicited advice from people who probably have ED themselves, just over eating instead of restriction. For example- telling me I NEED 1200 calories... when my doctor agreed I don't. Ugh I'm so mad!


This is the only subreddit I love. I feel safe here. 💜

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 29 06:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6891ak/stupid_questions_saturday_april_29_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 29, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 29 06:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6890in/daily_food_diary_april_29_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 29, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] has anyone used psyllium husk?
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | cgw:125 | -40 | f]
Created: Sat Apr 29 05:13:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688ts7/has_anyone_used_psyllium_husk/
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i'm considering buying some because apparently it's a really good appetite suppressant, super low cal and good for poops etc.

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[Discussion] What are your favourite low effort meals?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 136 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 04:34:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688pey/what_are_your_favourite_low_effort_meals/
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I could live on Cup A Soup

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Stepped out of bed naked to full length mirror and...
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sat Apr 29 03:50:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688ksl/rantrave_stepped_out_of_bed_naked_to_full_length/
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...I actually liked my body for all of 5 seconds. And then I just appeared to chub up all over.

Ate 537kcal yesterday, hoping for something similar today. I weighed in at 61kg this morning which means that my first GW is only 3kg away. Maybe soon I'll like my body for more than 5 seconds?!

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[Other] Sudden allergies actually helping me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 29 03:17:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688hie/sudden_allergies_actually_helping_me/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What's in your Super-Secret Safe Food Stash?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sat Apr 29 03:02:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688g0f/whats_in_your_supersecret_safe_food_stash/
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So I'm sure I'm not the only one that has certain foods stowed away in certain places. Fiancé and I have our own shelf in the communal pantry, but that's mostly where I store food that I don't have current plans to eat, or to display food to make my family think I'm buying/eating it. I also use it to store binge foods, because to get to the pantry I generally have to encounter either Anorexic SIL/BIL, or Binge!BIL who is always like HEY WHAT ARE YOU MAKING ARE YOU EATING IT ALL CAN I HAVE SOME. So I pretty much never eat any of that food, for fear of looking gross and fat in front of the resident skinnies, or having to defend that food from a ravenous autistic person, lol. (nothing against autistic people, I just mean telling a neurotypical person they can't have your food generally doesn't result in a screaming meltdown. I love binge!BIL but I'm not always in the mood to fight for my food)

But downstairs in my little apartment is a different story. I've got safe foods hidden all over the place. I define a safe food as a low-cal food I enjoy...just not enough to binge on. It's mostly stuff in tiny, single-serving portions, or stuff that I get bored of before I can stuff my face with it. Here's the full list if anyone's interested:


* Skinny Girl Popcorn - 25cal/bag

* Summer Berry single-serving oatmeal - 250cal each

* Bai iced tea in Blueberry, Strawberry Lemonade, Watermelon, and Mango - 5cal/bottle

* Powerade Zero - blue and purple - 0cal

* Fruitocracy drinkable applesauce thingys in mixed berry and strawberry - 60cal each

* Brothers All-Natural Freeze-Dried Fruit Crisps in Fuji Apple, Asian Pear, and Strawberry Banana - 40cal/pack.

* like 5 bags of "Crunchies" - basically just freeze dried strawberries - 40cal/serving.

* Brookside Dark Chocolate acai & blueberry candies - 170cal per half a bag, but I only eat them like 3 pieces at a time because I'm not a huge dark chocolate fan.

* A couple of Quest bars - 170-200cal depending on flavor.

* Wasabi peas - 112cal per 1/4 cup.


So that's all that's allowed in the bedroom. Fiancé has a separate little cabinet over by his desk where he stocks things like Nature Valley bars and other things that are "healthy" but I'm prone to binge on. I could never justify taking someone else's food and I'd be so embarrassed if he noticed so that keeps my sticky fingers out of his stash, lol. I also have a secret box of strawberry Special K brand knock-off Quest bars that I keep in my exercise room/ED den, and I limit myself to one (or less) per day, only after I've worked out. They're like 170cal each, I think.

What about you guys? Do you store your safe foods or binge foods separately from your regular foods? Got any super-sneaky snack-hiding spots you wanna share? What's your favorite safe food? Mine's either the Fruitocracy applesauces or strawberry cheesecake Quest bars (the real ones, lol).

~~unrelated: I secretly love that certain family members only see me eat one meal a day because my breakfast/lunch usually consists of my secret safe foods that I eat down here, lol.~~

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[Other] How a binge may affect your body (picture to sum up, details & full video in comments)
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Sat Apr 29 02:50:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688esx/how_a_binge_may_affect_your_body_picture_to_sum/
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http://imgur.com/a/Hw0oC

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[Rant/Rave] Can't even receive compliments or love
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat Apr 29 02:29:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688cpc/cant_even_receive_compliments_or_love/
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Mobile - rant

This is so irrational and insane.

I was packing some of my stuff now as I'm prepping to move and I find all my clothes from 2015 which are tiny. Like, smaller than my then 12 year old sister type of tiny. And I look at myself and just start internally sobbing cos I'm so far now compared to then. So boyfriend goes: I love and crave your body as it is but if you want to be skinny and you think you can reach that goal healthily then I back you.

Such a well-intentioned comment but just affirms that I'm not imagining things. I'm not thin anymore and it's not just in my head. Now I wish I didn't have to leave the house because I don't want to be 'not skinny' anymore :( I don't know how I got here and why it's so hard to get back. I hate myself and my whole appearance.

Also, lol, "get there healthily"... Definitely

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Pancakes
/u/Aeon_Mortuum [(169cm | UGW: inexistence | 19M)]
Created: Sat Apr 29 02:04:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/688a57/rant_pancakes/
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My mother made pancakes 2 days ago. Now after I didn't eat them she tossed half in the trash and told me I'm wasting food... I just said that nothing is stopping her from portion control. You don't have to prepare a celebratory feast for an entire city when there are only 3 people in the house.

And it's not like this is a once-off thing. It always happens. She makes a truckload of stuff even though I say I can prepare myself (and I can) and then accuses me of being wasteful, because she *knows* just how much wasting resources triggers me. Usually I just wolf down everything because I feel guilty otherwise. Yesterday night I fished in the garbage for the pancakes, took them out, tore them into pieces, and left them outside for the birds. Or the ants. Whoever wants them, really.

Today another 2 ended up in the trash. She can really just throw them all out then, I'm not going to eat the remainder. In fact, I'm not going to eat anything at all. I'm just so annoyed of being guilt-tripped.

At least the microbes will have pancakes today, amirite?

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[Rant/Rave] god BLESS the woosh
/u/caffeineand_nicotine [5'5 | 140.8 | 23.7 | -37 | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 29 01:10:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6884ek/god_bless_the_woosh/
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just a lil rave

I've been stuck between 147-149 for the last three god damn weeks. granted, I haven't really been at the top of my game for the last little while. I've been hovering around 800-1100 cal/day, so I knew it was impossible I was actually gaining/maintaining, but man not seeing the scale move for that long was really bumming me out.

so I started restricting harder again, the last few days being around 400 cal/day and finally I was down to 145 two days ago. hop on this morning and weigh in at 143!! new lw! honestly it just brightened my day it's so motivating and exciting to finally be moving in the right direction again.

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[Rant/Rave] New job and amazing eating schedule :)
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sat Apr 29 01:04:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6883ou/new_job_and_amazing_eating_schedule/
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I couldn't be happier! I got a new job as a virologist and the hours are m-th 11-9:30pm... now I can eat in peace and as little or much as I want. I'm hoping this job helps me lose a ton of weight. Right now my plan is to go to the gym for 2 hours before work and then work 😁 I'll bring two small meals and then be done with the day!

Best part is my SO will have no idea how much I'm eating or not and I can say I'm losing from hitting the gym!

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[Tip] [tip] ED Friendly "junk foods"
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 23:43:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/687u25/tip_ed_friendly_junk_foods/
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I mentioned here earlier that I eat a lot of low calorie junk food because it looks less suspicious/concerning to my friends and family. Some of my favorites are:

Simple Truth Crinkle Cut French Fries (110 cal for 28 fries)
Hebrew National 97% Fat Free Beef Frank (50 cal)
Kraft Mac and Cheese Cups (220 for the cup)
Sugarfeee Jello (10 cal) and pudding (60 cal)
Halo Top (obviously)
PB2 (45 for 2 tablespoons)
Amy's Frozen Burritos (230-300 cal, depending on type)
Spaghettios (180 cal)
Most canned soups (100-200 cal)
Sara Lee Diet Bread (45 cal per slice)
Marshmallows (100 cal for 4)
Diet Swiss Miss (25 cal per envelope) and sugarfree syrups

A lot of prepackaged frozen meals are also good.

What are some of your favorites? I would love to add to my list.

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How can I reverse my addiction to food.
/u/Fleshgod-apocalypse
Created: Fri Apr 28 23:02:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/687oou/how_can_i_reverse_my_addiction_to_food/
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[removed]

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I told my mom I've been b/p'ing....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 28 22:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/687h5z/i_told_my_mom_ive_been_bping/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I lost 4 inches~
/u/kipperonis [5'4.5" | CW: 107 | GW: 105 | 20M]
Created: Fri Apr 28 21:57:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/687fq1/i_lost_4_inches/
---
I hadn't taken my measurements in almost a year because I had started gaining because of sleeping meds that I took for six months, so naturally, I was feeling extra gross. I was going through my clothes for summer and noticed that all my shorts were...looser. I mean, my jeans were looser, but that was just because I'd broke them in, right?

I took out my measuring tape and whaddya know, 2 inches smaller at my bust, and 1 inch for each of my waist and hips. I don't know about my hips, but my bust and waist haven't been this small since I was in the midst of puberty, so this doesn't feel real at all, haha. It's nice to know that good things can still happen when most everything is going to shit c:

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[Thinspo] Unpopular opinion/thinspo?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 28 20:58:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6876yq/unpopular_opinionthinspo/
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[deleted]

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A halo top kinda night ❤️ what are you guys doing? 😊
/u/moonshineknox [5'6" | 100 | 16.21| -15| F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 20:26:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6871ur/a_halo_top_kinda_night_what_are_you_guys_doing/
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https://i.redd.it/734vtnfukeuy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Worst day of my life wouldn't be complete without being punctuated by my ED.
/u/tanyavanya1118
Created: Fri Apr 28 19:34:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686tho/worst_day_of_my_life_wouldnt_be_complete_without/
---
So I'm a resident teacher in a master's degree program. It's an intense, year long residency and my stress levels have been off the charts (as well as my restricting). But, the end is in sight. Summer is imminent, and thanks to all the stress-related restricting, I think I'll actually be able to wear a bathing suit this summer.

I've gone the whole year without crying at school but this week has been a bitch. One of my students was attacked, I have students talking about hurting or killing themselves, my school is kind of in a culture crisis. On a more selfish note, I have so much work to do for next year and my master's degree, and my relationship is in a really bad spot right now. I'm not in a good headspace.

Today really sucker punched me when one of my classes was just completely out of control- nothing I could say or do would calm them down. I have never had such bad classroom management. It was without a doubt the worst class I've ever taught. Then there were some racially-motivated comments made that alluded to another student's depression and self harm. I've never been so disappointed in my students' behavior. I'm truly crushed that they could treat each other like this after our whole year together. I feel like I've failed them.

Anyway, the whole school day was a shit show. I've been restricting all week and haven't spent ANY money on takeout or coffee this week (which is a huge accomplishment for me, depressingly lol) so I thought "I'm having an awful day, I'm ordering Vietnamese food and gluing myself to the couch tonight." I get home, declare my plans to my boyfriend, and he says there's no way he's buying food tonight, because he broke our no-spend pact and bought lunch today.

Of course, my ED brain is fucking crushed. I was so ready to spend those calories on delicious comfort food. I know, I know, I can just buy it for myself but then I'm the slob whose spending recklessly and pigging out. I just can't do it. So of course my response is to eat nothing. And of course his response is to get upset that I'm not eating (he knows about my ED). And of course that tailspins into one of the dumbest fights we've ever had and my shitty day just compounds upon itself.

So now I'm sitting in my bed with a headache from being hungry and crying really hard, and I'm feeling like a tool because 1)I picked a fight with the love of my life about takeout, 2) there are far more troubling things going on in my life but 3) I'm so self-absorbed and annoying that I'm mostly upset about my eating disorder.

I obviously needed to let this out a little bit, but there's no one I can talk to because I feel so selfish bringing this shit up. I've never been treated for my ED so I don't feel like it's "official" so I feel like talking about it with friends and family is fake. I'm afraid they'll just think I'm being dramatic or looking for attention.

Just needed to vent. Love y'all.

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[Rant/Rave] "You lost a lot of weight"
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 19:31:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686t18/you_lost_a_lot_of_weight/
---
I haven't back to San Francisco in a few months and I got to see a lot of family & friends!


I took a few pictures and noticed my collar bones showing a bit more than usual!

I haven't seen or spoken to my dad in 16 months. He said "You lost a lot of weight since I last saw you."


I went to my old dive bar last night and everyone kept saying "You look good!" "You look different." "What have you been doing?"


Ugh. It's been such an amazing feeling.

[Here](https://imgur.com/a/2vptF) is last summer compared to this spring

---

[Rant/Rave] he's trying to help
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'10" | CW: 134 | BMI: 18.74 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri Apr 28 18:49:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686m23/hes_trying_to_help/
---
i broke down and told my boyfriend about my issues the other day. Now he's watching me when I eat, arguing with me about high calorie foods, and calling me out for picking at foods. He's not being mean, and part of me loves him even more for all of it. But goddammit now I miss being able to say "I already ate" or "I feel sick" and have him believe me (or at least pretend to.) This is so unusual for him. He never tells me what to do, and rarely even tries to offer advice unless I ask.

I stupidly asked him once (before he knew) if he would be less attracted to me if I got fat. And he said yes. He tried to qualify it, saying that he'd still love me and want me and stay with me, but it felt empty at that point. It made me feel like I had to keep losing weight, out of the fear that I would gain any. I still gained 10 pounds after that and worried about it constantly, even though he insisted I was still beautiful and didn't need to do anything about it. I lost 20 lbs to compensate and when I mentioned something casually about having lost weight, he didn't seem to care. *So what do you want??? Thin girlfriend or not???*

I'm not even anorexic or underweight. It's EDNOS which means I go through periods of binge eating and I haven't been underweight in years. But he apparently doesn't care if I binge, as long as I'm eating. But I can't get fat.

He is so sweet, and I don't want to let him down. But I genuinely have been eating reasonably well lately. I'm still trying to lose weight, but I'm not fasting or restricting that much anymore. So having him try to persuade me to eat just because I reject food I want but don't need...ugh. And he usually wins and I eat at least a little of everything he wants me to.

I know that if I'm getting better it should be about me and not what he wants. But I want to please him and I can't help that. Now I don't know how I'm going to juggle trying to be thin with eating what he wants me to. And I've never been able to purge, so that's out. I know he just wants me to be able to eat like a normal person-- eating delicious foods that I want and stopping when I'm full. But I usually end up bingeing when I try to do that. It's so fucking hard. I sort of want to eat like a normal person, but I've been putting off therapy for years. I don't want it enough.

I sound awful: "Oh poor me, I have a boyfriend who wants to make sure I'm not starving!" But that's what it is. I wish I could let him have his blissful ignorance back, and have a thin girlfriend who was pretending to eat normally. I wish I hadn't cried out for help like that. Maybe I wasn't ready for it. Fuck!

---

[Intro] An introduction and a dilemma (first time posting, don't know how to leave flair on mobile)
/u/thatyarnqueen [5'6" | too much | ~22bmi | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 18:39:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686k91/an_introduction_and_a_dilemma_first_time_posting/
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So I just started a new job, and typically I'm one of the smaller girls wherever I work. But there's this girl I work with who is literally goals. She's so thin and delicate. I think she's caught me, like, staring at her. It's making me feel like such a lard ass, I just keep eating all the free food that's around the office. I don't know how to stop this and I'm scared I'm going to start gaining all the weight I've lost in the last couple of months.

How do you guys stop yourself from sad-binging on sweets whenever you see a literally perfect person?

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[Rant/Rave] even though i binged for the first time in 4 months...
/u/lunamoon1 [5'5 | cw+bmi 112.2 / 18.78 | hw: 167 |19f]
Created: Fri Apr 28 18:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686j7x/even_though_i_binged_for_the_first_time_in_4/
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its 1am and i had a really bad binge day yesterday(friday) for the first time in 4 months and didn't enjoy one bit of it but i'm planning to fast til monday/tuesday to hopefully get back to my pre binge weight. not going to let one day on bingeness ruin my progress again! thankfully the laxatives are kicking in and im going to drink one more bottle of water + watch some tv shows before i sleep.

i've lost nearly 50lbs and not going to let one day let me go back to that!

even though im scared to check the scales later, i know its only temporary and hopefully the water/laxatives and working out will help.

just need to get this off my chest!

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[Intro] Has anyone here been pretty fat and lost a significant amount of weight? An introduction.
/u/fleur_de_la_cunt
Created: Fri Apr 28 18:03:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686dvc/has_anyone_here_been_pretty_fat_and_lost_a/
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In September 2016 I weighed 220. I'm pretty sure I'm the biggest girl here at 5'2, currently weighing in at 184. I steadily had been gaining weight my whole shitty life and an extremely traumatic falling out with a friend following a few years of some extremely fucked up events just completely broke me and I vowed to lose all of the weight.
I had gone on diets before, but never lost more than 5 pounds because my willpower was so weak, only steadily gained. Now, people are noticing a change in my body even though I literally cannot tell. The only difference I notice is fitting into my old clothes again.
I want to be invisible. I have a specific aesthetic that I think is beautiful and I know that even though I have a prettyish face I'm never going to be treated with respect or respect myself until I'm thin. I honestly feel like I've been hypersexualized and molested, mocked and teased, and treated like a joke my whole life because of my figure and weight and this realization has truly given me resolve. I've stuck to 600 calories or way below for weeks and weeks and weeks now and I always purge quite a bit even though I hardly binge anymore. Nobody knows because nobody suspects an already fat girl of having an eating disorder.
When i found this community it helped me see that I was still worthy of love just by how supportive all of you are to each other even though we might have some fucked habits etc. I lurk daily just to stay strong and feel less terribly alone. I can't wait to lose the next 50 pounds and hopefully one day I'll look in the mirror and see someone I like but I doubt it.

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[Discussion] My worst best friend
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 17:50:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686bpp/my_worst_best_friend/
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Friday night...the usual cycle continues, prepare to eat all the foods to compensate for massively undereating and overexcersing all week to stay in "maintenance." It works I tell myself. I can't wait to enjoy this food but fear it all at the same time. I fight to dismiss the fear knowing that maintenance is a victory and I've restricted enough to allow myself to overeat and relax all weekend. But yet I feel bad and back calculate "well did I really undereat 3 lbs worth of calories in 5 days" yes...but maybe I miscounted?!? I feel too small and on the edge of serious restricting only relapse. Ooh good that means it's ok to eat all you want. But no what if it's in your head. Back and forth back and forth. My ED is really my best friend, safety, accomplishment, security, feels like my foundation. But it's the worst friend you could ever have, trapped in the in between. Just feeling all of the things and thought I would reach out to people who might get it. How is your ED the best and worst?

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[Help] Things to substitute for drinking at social events specifically for drinking?
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Fri Apr 28 17:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/686aba/things_to_substitute_for_drinking_at_social/
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Help/discussion?

A good friend's surprise birthday party is at a bar tonight and then another friend who's in town for the weekend is having a small get together. The bar should be easy because I can walk around and keep a diet soda or something in my hand but the friend who is hosting the get together is a very pushy drinker and tends to make things a bit awkward when you decline. Typically I drink Kratom but I am out and broke at the moment. Any tips?

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[Help] Temperature sensitivity / overly sensitive to heat??
/u/Vegan_mermaid [5'2" | 94 lb | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 17:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6864oz/temperature_sensitivity_overly_sensitive_to_heat/
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Lately I've noticed that not only can I not stand the cold (that's been a side effect forever), but it's like my thermoregulation is all screwy; if it's too hot or humid (like, 80 degrees or higher) I get nauseous and super vasodilated almost like I'm in a hot shower. I get blood work regularly and my sodium and chloride levels are a bit low but I stay hydrated, drink Powerade zero, sip on broth, etc.

I've been underweight for a year, restricted my heavily for almost 2 years.

I know, I know, no one here is a doctor.. I'm just wondering if anyone else has noticed this and if there's any way to mitigate it.

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[Other] Any other moms here?
/u/scifilove
Created: Fri Apr 28 17:10:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6864kl/any_other_moms_here/
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I've dealt with EDNOS since I was in high school. I'm now a late 20's mom am married and I have 3 kiddos. My baby is now 2 and it just hit me that I'm still carrying the baby weight from her.

My mom died when my oldest was a baby. Ever since then the weight has been creeping on. I need to lose it. All of it. So tired of feeling awful about myself and looking awful.

Anyway my question for any other moms or people who work with kids, how do you keep your energy up? I restricted a lot in high school and college but it was easy when I didn't have to take care of anyone but me.

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[Intro] Introduction
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Fri Apr 28 16:42:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/685z6e/introduction/
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With hindsight, I see that ED has been with me for a while. In high school, I skipped lunch to keep the money. In college, I was always the girl who would/wanted to eat and eat. Any type of buffet or event with food, I was shoving as much food down my gullet as I could. Eventually, I moved cities and for a month or so binging and purging became a daily struggle. I still don't know how I got out of that addiction unscathed.

I went hiking a bunch last summer. Often times, I would feel like shit. Tired, cranky. One day, I calculated my caloric intake. 1300 calories. hiking 20+ miles a day on 1300 calories. In town, I would eat as much as I possibly could. Trail life is a perfect breeding ground for restriction/binging habits to form. It's encouraged in fact.

I don't remember the first moment I hated myself. But that voice inside my head is always there, going from a loudspeaker to a whisper.

Ended a long-distance relationship about a month ago. There's no animosity between us, mostly apathy, and depression. However, ED decided to move in more aggressively. I've been restricting as much as I can. The scale determines my value. Reading books and memoirs and research about EDs has helped? It at least gives me a good perspective. This place is the most supportive place on the internet and I am so lucky to have stumbled upon it.

For you, how did it start? When do you first remember disorder thoughts around food?

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[Help] Help! Got high and binged!
/u/Kill-V-Meme
Created: Fri Apr 28 16:36:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/685y39/help_got_high_and_binged/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone else not doing this for the number on the scale?
/u/svoots [5'2| UGW 95 lbs]
Created: Fri Apr 28 14:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68548o/anyone_else_not_doing_this_for_the_number_on_the/
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tl;dr is anyone's ED about the actions of not eating and of over exercising, or bingeing/purging, etc. and not necessarily about being the thinnest?

I've had this ED for more than 5 years now, and honestly it's not about the number on the scale at all anymore. Sometimes I focus on it, but it's not what drives me. It's honestly just such a deep depression inside of me and my attempt to hide my feelings and make myself enough for others and so much more. I've been to treatment but I always come back to this place. Anyone relate?

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[Rant/Rave] Bad two days
/u/attenuatingpixie
Created: Fri Apr 28 14:09:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6853ml/bad_two_days/
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I was doing so well, but today and yesterday were complete binging days. I feel so bloated and sluggish and disgusting and frustrated.

It started yesterday, and then continued today because once I started eating it was like a switch was flicked. I'm trying to figure out how to stop the binging in its tracks and get back to where I was. I'm not sure how to turn off that stupid compulsion to eat now that I've started.

I was doing so well the last few weeks with just sticking to around 700-800 calories a day and now this. It's frustrating.

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[Goal] The thigh gap has arrived!!!!
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.6 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.4 lbs]
Created: Fri Apr 28 13:34:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/684vz0/the_thigh_gap_has_arrived/
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So last time I restricted long term, I was 126 lbs before my thighs didn't touch anywhere when I stood with my ankles together. I was waiting for this magic number 126, but this morning when I was looking at myself in the mirror, I noticed my thighs aren't touching at the top anymore! And at 128ish lbs! It's a belated Easter miracle!

Also, according to my journals, my waist is a full inch tinier than it was last time I was this weight. Super weird, but a good weird! My ass is just as fat though.

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At a dinner party
/u/fartforfun [5'7" | CW 152 | GW 120 | BMI 23.8 | -6 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 13:22:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/684tfk/at_a_dinner_party/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I tried on my high graduation dress for my college graduation dress
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 12:27:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/684gq7/i_tried_on_my_high_graduation_dress_for_my/
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https://i.redd.it/gfvr897e7cuy.jpg

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[Tip] PSA: Creepy PMs, unwanted attention
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 11:55:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6849hv/psa_creepy_pms_unwanted_attention/
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As you may or may not be aware, proED members are at the risk of being targeted by [creepy people sending unsolicited and unwanted PMs](https://np.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6725qy/has_anyone_noticed_noned_men_commenting_on_this/).

The mods will always ban any user who is reported for this type of behavior. However, members should be warned that in the past we have experienced persistent lurkers who will continue to message community members about personal information, both related and unrelated to /r/proED post+comment history. Some of these messages are benign, while others are less so.

We've contacted Reddit Admin about this sort of behavior in the past, and their sole advice was to have community members block offenders. No other suggestions were given.

#Remember that anyone can view the contents of this subreddit even if they are banned. Even if we ban people, they can still message you until you have blocked them.

**To block a user click 'block user' below a message from a user you wish to block.**

The caveat of this blocking feature is that the offending user actually has to interact with you directly first, in order to be available to block. The block is silent, meaning the blocked redditor will not receive any notification that they have been blocked.

If any creep contacts you, please consider blocking them as a cautionary measure against further unwanted PMs. Also be aware that it is possible for a person to create a new account and continue their behavior. The above advice should be applied to anyone that makes you uncomfortable, asks for information or pictures you don't wish to provide, or sends inappropriate messages to you at any time.

As always, please take care of yourselves and value your privacy online. We will continue to do everything we can to keep this sub a safe community for its members, but we're limited by the internal processes and policies Reddit offers.

Please feel free to comment below or [PM the mods](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) if you have any questions or concerns.

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[Help] Planned/ allowed binges still gone wrong/ making you feel really guilty the next day? :'(
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 125 | 20.2 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 11:54:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6849dg/planned_allowed_binges_still_gone_wrong_making/
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I went out last night to this frat date night event which is super fun and involves (of course) some drinking games and then afterward we all got pizza. I had already planned on a lot of calories since drinks add up and then with the pizza I said I'd allow myself to relax a little and just eat a few slices (I ate 3). I felt chill about it, but now I feel super guilty and can't help thinking about how I've set back my progress. I ate a little above TDEE (maybe 2000? Assuming my TDEE=1600) but I just feel so guilty thinking about it--I could've lost weight yesterday and done so well eating only 400 (my total of the day before the party). How do you cope with guilt from planned or allowed binges? I know this doesn't count as a binge to some, but I'm trying to think of how to rationalize it and not beat myself up over it. Thanks so much!

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[Help] honestly considering cancelling a summer trip with friends because of bathing suits
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: way too much | gw1: 101 | 20f]
Created: Fri Apr 28 11:33:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6844fb/honestly_considering_cancelling_a_summer_trip/
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hi guys, so i posted a couple weeks ago about how i'm going on vacation with friends in mid may. we are going to a beach area with warm weather and there is a 100% guarantee we will be swimming and probably on the beach everyday. i currently live in england so i ordered bathing suits online and they arrived today... you guys.... it is so. bad.


i've been attempting to lose binge weight and apparently i can't fucking do it. i looked at my mfp from dec-feb and wanted to cry. i used to restrict soooo well, like 500 each day and now i'm starving when i eat 900. i have no idea where my motivation and self control went. i honestly wanted to cry after putting on the bathing suits (and two are one pieces). i have NO boobs like... never need to wear a bra tiny. so all these suits just make my stomach look huge. also i ordered some with one pieces but i literally look like olive from little miss sunshine in them. https://giphy.com/gifs/beautiful-red-swim-PwMD2aFAt8ZnG


i'm clumsy as fuck and i probably have 10 different bruises on each leg, not to mention (faded) self harm scars on one thigh. also my best girl friend had to cancel the trip for family reasons so i'm only going with 2 good guy friends + 10 others. and all the girls are skinnier and fitter and way more confident than me. they're the kind of girls who don't mind posting bikini pics and actively try and do like photo shoots when we go out. which normally i don't care but fuck! i look awful in anything less than black skinny jeans and a jacket. i honestly, truly want to cancel this trip. but i've already paid for the airbnb and one flight, so i've already sunk £170.


i live in a different country from england and i honestly just want to call my mom and tell her to book my flight home the 7th (my school ends the 3rd) so i can just go home. my mental health is TRASH and i legitimately do not know if i can handle the stress of warm weather and bathing suits. but my mom paid for the trip and i would feel AWFUL wasting all that money. i just, i honestly don't know what to do :(

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[Help] honestly considering planning a summer vacation trip because i'm terrified of bathing suits
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 28 11:27:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68433a/honestly_considering_planning_a_summer_vacation/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "Please don't forget to eat"
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:55:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683vns/please_dont_forget_to_eat/
---
I don't know if my crush know what's going on, but he's noticed something. He was showing me a meme that went like "hmm, my schedule is packed. No time for gaming" and then the guy replaced the sleep. We had a little laughing fit over it and then I said I'll replace the food too.

Cue that.


My heart is fucking melting, ugh. If I only could tell him I was fasting bc I just ate an entire fucking cookie brownie yesterday and that I wasn't gonna lose any weight, until they start selling "willpower & self—control" in the bread aisle.

Flair: Rant

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[Discussion] Friday Weigh-In: How did you do?
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-86 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:54:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683v8b/friday_weighin_how_did_you_do/
---
Personally: Since I weighed last week, I only lost 2 pounds. Which Im grateful for the two pounds that I did loose, however for fuck sake. I expected to loose atleast 4 pounds. I'm just really disappointed I didn't loose more.

I've been restricting **SO** hard, and Im not getting the results I want.



Anyway, what about you?

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[Thinspo] Regular thinspo. No more bonespo. I'll just keep it to myself.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:45:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683t8q/regular_thinspo_no_more_bonespo_ill_just_keep_it/
---
https://i.redd.it/6ecy0pm6pbuy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] i can't even be good at having an ED
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:38:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683ro0/rant_i_cant_even_be_good_at_having_an_ed/
---
I had a couple days in a row where I was forced to eat more- not even maintenance, just more- and boom, I'm up a pound and a half even though I fasted yesterday. And of course, it's back up to the number I always seem to be stuck at and can't escape, right down to the ounces. I'm so angry and upset and frustrated, especially because I wanted to be back to my pre-college weight before my graduation in two weeks. I just want to lock myself in my room without food until then, but I've gotten to the point where I feel like even then I'd manage to gain. I'm getting hopeful that my roommate's strep throat will end up being contagious and I won't want to eat.

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[Goal] Summer goals resurrected: day 27!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:36:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683rcl/summer_goals_resurrected_day_27/
---
We're still back!!! Still reaching for goals despite setbacks!!!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve?

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[Other] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 28, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:27:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683pc5/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
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This is the weekly picture thread for April 28, 2017.

#Please review the recent [PSA](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6849hv/psa_creepy_pms_unwanted_attention/)

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread! Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD, etc.

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) or the native Reddit image uploader as a host.


*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Discussion] Favorite Low Calorie Recipes?🌮🍜🍎
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 117😷 | 20.7 | -10 lbs | F 18 | UGW 95 |]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:25:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683org/favorite_low_calorie_recipes/
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I need some food inspiration so please share any very low calorie dinners, desserts, breakfasts etc.
Thanks!☺️

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[Rant/Rave] Really looking forward to summer
/u/tightballpants [5'9 | 146 | 21.6 | 16 lbs | FtM]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:18:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683n6k/really_looking_forward_to_summer/
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I start doing construction work again in June and always lose a ton of weight from then till October because there's no time to eat while im there. Ill be working from 10 am to 7 pm. Every weekend moving heavy shit and only drinking water. Last year I was 150 in June and 125 in october

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[Thinspo] Hip bones
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 10:13:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683m7k/hip_bones/
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http://imgur.com/a/ncndl

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[Goal] [Goal] I did it!
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Fri Apr 28 09:46:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683fwd/goal_i_did_it/
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I don't have anywhere else to post this, but I did it, you guys!

I've been living with the person who sexually assaulted me ever since I graduated high school. I thought I was in love with him.

I kicked him out of my house - and despite numerous threats to my safety - I am in the process of reporting him. I'm seeing a detective at my county's SVU!

I can't believe it's finally going to be over...

To make this post semi-relevant to this sub...
I have stress eaten like nobody's business... I have gained 12 lbs. Granted, probably 3-5 is sodium/water/food weight, it sort of breaks my heart.
But if I can rid of the poison in my life, I can do this.

For the first time in years, I can honestly say that I believe in myself. I can get back to university, I can clean up my life, I can lose the weight, I can quit my toxic job... I have control over my life again!!

Tell me something you are proud of, pretty please? I'd love to hear something good!

Edit" I owe SO much to the positivity and support that everyone here has given me. This might sound silly, but reddit has changed my life.

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[Help] Need to look thin for a date tonight. What are your go to, quick thinning tips?
/u/throwaway030816
Created: Fri Apr 28 09:38:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/683e6x/need_to_look_thin_for_a_date_tonight_what_are/
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[removed]

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What are your goals? Wanna post em here for accountability? Go for it!
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Fri Apr 28 08:53:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6833yc/what_are_your_goals_wanna_post_em_here_for/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Back in single digit sizes!! (Rave)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 28 08:49:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6832yp/back_in_single_digit_sizes_rave/
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[deleted]

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[Help] [Help] I'm being forced into recovery
/u/mardalfoosen [5'1 | 113 | 22.30 | -23 | Agender (She or They)]
Created: Fri Apr 28 08:40:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68315h/help_im_being_forced_into_recovery/
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I'm 17 and if I don't participate in the recovery program (It's the day program at the Renfrew Center in Charlotte, NC) I'll get taken away from home. They say if I don't get better with this they're (social services) sending me to the Florida one.
Also the staff was really rude in my evaluation about my vegetarianism. They acted like I don't eat meat because I'm afraid of it vs not eating it because I think it's wrong. They even implied that I would have to eat meat in their program.
I'm a healthy weight and I do not want to gain or recover. Is there a way to fake recovery?

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[Help] Going to be attempting a 92 hour fast
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Fri Apr 28 07:48:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/682qby/going_to_be_attempting_a_92_hour_fast/
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On mobile/help/discussion

What I want to know is how others maintain energy throughout fasts? I have fasted previously but always become too exhausted right around the 60 hour mark and have to eat something. Granted, I had a much busier lifestyle then than I do now.

So what zero calorie drinks or vitamins etc do y'all take/recommend to make fasting less miserable? I'm determined to make it through this time!

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[Help] How to do parties?
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 114 | UGW 104 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 07:09:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/682ixu/how_to_do_parties/
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I have bad news and good news. 2,364 calories yesterday. A three pound increase on the scale today. BUT I managed not to purge. Baby steps.

I know what's done is done, that it's mostly water weight and I can make up for it later. But how can I prevent this in the future? I think part of the problem is that I use food as a crutch at parties, since I never feel totally comfortable in large groups of people.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I want to protect my little sister.
/u/smileyslimey [5'4.5|105|18|GW:95|F]
Created: Fri Apr 28 07:07:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/682igw/rant_i_want_to_protect_my_little_sister/
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I have an older brother who is doing very well for himself, has a great job and a healthy lifestyle and is a very laid-back person in general.

My younger sister is 18 years old now and she is very insecure about her appearance. She has a more athletic build but she is slim, healthily so. I was always the tiny, frail one.
I can already see how she purposefully skips dinner when she is feeling bad about her body, how she feels guilty after eating normal sized meals, how she picks apart all the little "imperfections" that make her beautiful, how she compares herself to photoshopped and posed models on instagram. It breaks my heart to see this.

I'm not saying she has an ED but like so many other young girls, she is so unhappy about her beautiful and healthy self.

And I feel like such a fucking hypocrite. That is how my ED started and I'm sitting here, treating my body like shit every day but I don't want anyone else to do it. If I wanted to openly speak about this with her I would have to admit that I have an ED and I just can't.

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[Other] Mindy project ED moment
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 28 06:46:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/682emw/mindy_project_ed_moment/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Thinspo. I'm just gonna start poating normal thinspo bc i guess what i call thinspo is too extreme.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Apr 28 06:23:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/682aim/thinspo_im_just_gonna_start_poating_normal/
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https://i.redd.it/h7uxb4wgeauy.jpg

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 28 06:04:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6827ji/daily_food_diary_april_28_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] [Discussion] do you care what you eat?
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Fri Apr 28 06:04:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6827g4/discussion_do_you_care_what_you_eat/
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So adding onto the question earlier on how much you eat how many people are super fussy about what that comprises? Like, if at the end of the day you stay sub 1000 on pizza do you care that it's not something healthy?

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[Discussion] books and stuff
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Fri Apr 28 05:15:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/681zpc/books_and_stuff/
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So we have a finite amount of money in our bank account until somebody goes out and makes some mother fucking money. Our business is failing miserably, and our investor has cut us off. It's pretty terrifying. I'm filling out applications again, knowing damn well nobody is going to hire a thieving stripper that grows weed. It's literally the worst trying to get a job when you're me. I can't, I have to make my own money. I would go back to stripping for a couple months, but my fiance is being a fucking pussy about it.

ANYWAY. My foods are running out, and i'm just going to use it as an excuse to lose weight. That's actually something that I can achieve. Real life accomplishments? No. I can't have that. And it's beating me down something fierce lately. I want to be successful at something, and if it has to be this, then fine. I clearly see the disordered logic all over this, but I just don't care. I'm so sad. I've been breaking out in stress hives all week.

Today, i'm heading over to my favorite library. I need to print out another pointless job application. While i'm there, I'd like to check out some books and feel like a normal human. I don't know where to start, I don't really read. Can you guys suggest some sweet ED literature for me to get lost in?

I'm also very into drug and alcohol addiction, so any books about that would be sweet. Not self help books or anything like that, though. Just some good, dirty stories.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. It's not going to be like this forever.

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[Discussion] Does anyone deal with anemia from restricting?
/u/courtneyoopsz
Created: Fri Apr 28 04:35:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/681u3m/does_anyone_deal_with_anemia_from_restricting/
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I've always been a person that's been slightly anemic but since I've started restricting it's gotten terrible. Restricting leaves me fatigued to begin with but adding anemia has me deeeead. Side note, this is my first time submitting a post but I've been lurking for awhile and I love all of you <3 I've never seen such a supportive group of people.

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If anyone isn't eating fish, you probably should
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 22:48:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/68116t/if_anyone_isnt_eating_fish_you_probably_should/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so pathetic
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 21:05:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/680k7r/i_feel_so_pathetic/
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[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor] Absolutely Fabulous on Netflix...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 20:31:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/680e8i/absolutely_fabulous_on_netflix/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Do you guys like food movies?
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Thu Apr 27 20:31:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/680e6w/discussion_do_you_guys_like_food_movies/
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i'm watching julie and julia rn after being inspired to by the binging with banish episode on youtube

thinking back i LOVE food movies, no reservations, ratatouille, ever supersize me tho we all know your girl ate 35$ worth of mcdonald's last week

so do you guys like them? hate them? any recommendations?

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[Discussion] DAE get false senses of self-confidence?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 17:37:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67zgzy/dae_get_false_senses_of_selfconfidence/
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I do this a lot. I'll work out, and immediately feel like my stomach looks smaller, or my thighs don't touch as much. Time will pass and that feeling will disappear, leaving me with the harsh reality of the fat blob that I really am. I know there's no possible way that I'd be significantly smaller after one workout, but my mind plays tricks on me.

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[Help] How do you guys use pb2?
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 17:36:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67zgp2/how_do_you_guys_use_pb2/
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I just bought a double thing of pb2 and pb2 chocolate.

What are some recipes ?

Can you use this stuff to make like a peanut butter sandwitch?

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[Thinspo] Johanna Herrstedt
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 17:33:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67zg66/johanna_herrstedt/
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http://imgur.com/2mEqURw

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[Discussion] Is anyone else here a little?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 17:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67za9q/is_anyone_else_here_a_little/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What's your daily calorie goal?
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Thu Apr 27 16:57:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67z8xz/whats_your_daily_calorie_goal/
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I have a bad habit of comparing mine to others but I feel like I'm being ridiculous...

Mine is UNDER 1200. As long as i eat under 1200, I consider it a good day. I also feel super full around ~800 if I make sure to eat a lot of protein.

You?

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[Help] [question] vanity sizing
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Thu Apr 27 16:09:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67yyzc/question_vanity_sizing/
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I bought size 1 jeans from Hollister because the sizing chart said that would fit. Does anyone know if Hollister uses vanity sizing? Also what brands don't use it? I just want to be as small as I think I am but I'm scared that I'm not

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[Rant/Rave] Almost overweight again
/u/FeedMeDreams [5'5" | 65.5kg | 24.2 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 15:30:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67yqiw/almost_overweight_again/
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Been drug-free for a while now and sometimes I hate it. I can't stop eating. Even if I don't binge and purge, if I eat at a deficit or even at maintenance, I feel like I'm starving. Has anyone tried to quit bulimia and still lost weight? I want to believe that my hunger will return to a normal level that I can cope with, but how fucking long is that going to take? Watching that scale creep up again makes me want to scream.

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[Discussion] iPhone apps-- what do you use to track intake/weight/activity etc, or any other ED related apps (inspiration, distraction, stress relief...) ? Post them here!
/u/holly-mint
Created: Thu Apr 27 15:17:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ynkr/iphone_apps_what_do_you_use_to_track/
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Hi everyone! I've been away for a while and during my absence I switched from android to iPhone. I'm wondering for the other iPhone users on here, what apps you all use to help you stay on track or monitor your habits or health? I have MFP and fitbit, but looking for some more interesting apps that I don't know about!

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[Discussion] Anyone else think that their self image is fucked up?
/u/Zaomi [172 cm | BMI: 22 | GW: 55kg | +3 kg.. | 21F |]
Created: Thu Apr 27 14:39:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67yevg/anyone_else_think_that_their_self_image_is_fucked/
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I just remembered that only 3 years ago I felt so different. I only weighed 2 kg less than I do now. But I felt comfortable! I used to wear short dresses and hot pants and cute skirts. Something that I would never do right now. So maybe I feel fatter than I am. But It just doesn't feels realistic that I am actually normal looking and not a human sized potato. Come on. You wouldn't lie to me mirror would you?
But maybe I had more muscles? Maybe I was always a fat fuck and everyone was disgusted by me wearing hot pants. Who nows. Anyone else feeling that way?

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[Tip] 90cal soft taco idea! I baked 2 mini soft tacos (80cal) , with 2 table spoons of Salsa (5cal). It looks like a lot of food without all the cals.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 14:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ycry/90cal_soft_taco_idea_i_baked_2_mini_soft_tacos/
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https://i.redd.it/1h3jpzvjo5uy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] HE MADE ME AN ED ROOM
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Apr 27 14:25:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ybh7/he_made_me_an_ed_room/
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Omg. YOU GUYS. I can't even right now, I'm sobbing like a baby.

OKAY SO some of you know I currently live with Fiancé in MILs basement. Things haven't been super-great for me lately, some nasty things were said and I don't feel comfortable hanging out upstairs anymore. Our bedroom and bathroom are clean, but the entire rest of the basement is disgusting, filled with the remnants of MILs shopping addiction and piss from their feral cat. So basically if I wake up before fiancé, my options are: 1. Hang out in the bedroom, trying to be quiet and not wake up fiancé. 2. Hide in the tiny uncomfortable bathroom until fiancé wakes up. 3. Deal with the supreme awkwardness that comes with going upstairs.

So obviously I spend most of my day hiding in the bathroom or bedroom. Not fun. But I fell asleep early the other night and when I woke up, fiancé had made me what can only be described as an ED bunker. He cleaned all the storage stuff and pee out of one corner of the basement, and blocked off the cats using some spare plywood and a giant mattress. HE CONVINCED MIL TO LET US MOVE THE ELLIPTICAL​ DOWN HERE SO I DON'T HAVE TO AWKWARDLY USE IT IN THE KITCHEN ANYMORE. He bought some pastel blue carpet and put it down, brought the TV and my WiiU out, set up our yoga balls and yoga mats and a mirror. He's working on getting a treadmill from Craigslist.

I am so fucking happy. I woke up and all of a sudden I have this wonderful​ little space that is ALL MINE. You can't see inside without moving some plywood so no one can sneak up on me. I can do my workouts and my body checks and my weigh-ins without having to sneak around everyone in the house. It's awesome, and I'm so happy. And like, he just fucking did it, without me asking, just stayed up all night making me this little haven to keep me sane until we move out.

I love him and he's fucking amazing. That is all. I can't even process this right now I'm so happy.

(On mobile using my elliptical lol! Mods tag as rave plz)

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[Help] How do you get electrolytes?
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 14:13:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67y8st/how_do_you_get_electrolytes/
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On mobile/can't flair sorry!

What do you eat or drink for electrolytes? I've been feeling occasionally dizzy & want to see if they help.

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[Discussion] Does anybody else use weird coping or motivation mechanisms?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 125 | -9 lbs ]
Created: Thu Apr 27 14:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67y6po/does_anybody_else_use_weird_coping_or_motivation/
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Well of course, but for example i'll start with myself. If I need to be restricting and having a hard time at it, sometimes I'll put myself in an imaginary scenario with my favorite role playing games or something and justify having to restrict or exercise (or even do homework, work, study shit, etc) to motivate myself. Like for restricting I'll be all "Rations are low on our spaceship, I'll restrict so my crew members can have more until we dock (aka I reach a goal)" or I'm on some grand adventure, can't spend time saving and doing shit if I'm eating all our food all the time.


Or sometimes when restricting, I'll think of some of my favorite characters. Whether it's "I'll be finally good enough for them" or I'll "look cool enough to them". Or like, the more I lose the more I look like that one character I like.


Essentially fantasizing hardcore sometimes keeps me on track. I know it sounds really dorky, pathetic, and a bit weird, but at least my imagination helps me. What can I say, projection is one hell of a thing.


What are some weird things you guys do?

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[Discussion] How concerned with other aspects of your appearance are you?
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 13:39:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67y0le/how_concerned_with_other_aspects_of_your/
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1. Do you place a lot of focus on, or put a lot of effort into, your appearance, aside from weight?

2. Would you say your ED is mostly about wanting to be thin, other things (control, coping, etc.), or pretty equally split?

It occurred to me years ago that I could probably improve my appearance much more easily and drastically by starting to wear makeup, fixing my hair, dressing better, etc. yet the only aspect of my appearance I care about is my weight. I feel so immune to marketing and society's beauty standards in every other area, yet I literally believe my value as a human being is tied to my weight. (For the record, I dont believe that about anyone else, only me.)

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[Rant/Rave] That time my car broke down in front of a ChikFilA
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Thu Apr 27 13:21:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67xweu/that_time_my_car_broke_down_in_front_of_a_chikfila/
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[removed]

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What's the best way to making black coffee?
/u/Fleshgod-apocalypse
Created: Thu Apr 27 12:57:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67xqpp/whats_the_best_way_to_making_black_coffee/
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[removed]

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Progress has grinded down to almost nothing...
/u/fimuckmylife
Created: Thu Apr 27 11:54:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67xbm0/progress_has_grinded_down_to_almost_nothing/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Hypotension anyone?
/u/123Purrr [5'8" | 123 | 18.5 | F/24]
Created: Thu Apr 27 11:26:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67x4sr/hypotension_anyone/
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Anyone here with low blood pressure stubborn enough to fast anyways? I'd love to hear some advice for a dizzy spell. Also if anyone has a story about a day some ^^inconvenientspinningness barging through.

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[Other] [all]-In "recovery"
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Thu Apr 27 10:51:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ww3j/allin_recovery/
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Sigh, apparently my partner thinks I'm getting too skinny and is actually worried about me. Looks like I'm going to be "in recovery" for awhile. I guess it's time.

Thanks everyone, you've been awesome.

I'll miss you.

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[Goal] I'M BACK, BABY! Summer goals day 26 check-in 🎉
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 10:44:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67wuhe/im_back_baby_summer_goals_day_26_checkin/
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As it turns out I have _not_ retreated into my cave forever!!!!!!!!!! After a week of freaking out, dropping out of school, freaking out about dropping out of school, and re-enrolling as a part time student, all while binging my ass off (or on, I guess, cause I gained 8 lbs) I'm back!!!!!!!!!! Ready to restart!!!!!!!!! Sorry for my absence ❤

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[Discussion] Distractions
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 10:43:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67wu8a/distractions/
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What do you guys do to distract yourselves from eating? Lately I'll clean, read a book, meditate. Once I went so far as to dress up really nice so I didn't feel like binging.

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[Discussion] Who else restricts because of the instant gratification aspect, not because of control/punishment?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Thu Apr 27 10:37:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67wssk/who_else_restricts_because_of_the_instant/
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The #1 reason I restrict so heavily instead of diet like a normal ass person is because if I don't see results immediately (or at least as immediate-as-possible) I'm going to give up.

I don't hate myself, I don't want to punish my body or feel the need to control my life with food, I just need instant gratification to feel successful and therefore have to go all or nothing and eat less than 500 calories a day and lose twenty pounds and then maintain it, instead of just being a normal person and cutting back and maybe exercising a little and lose weight normally.

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[Help] So, anyone else tired of falling back into the familiar shithole that is a binge-cycle?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 50kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 10:27:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67wqh3/so_anyone_else_tired_of_falling_back_into_the/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Holly Hunter
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Thu Apr 27 10:20:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67woqp/holly_hunter/
---
http://imgur.com/a/gBV5T

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Apr 27 09:56:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67wivs/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/lzolrf9ob4uy.jpg

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[Other] I never know if I'm actually getting "better"
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 09:11:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67w857/i_never_know_if_im_actually_getting_better/
---
I'm never sure if I'm doing...better. I keep a log of my binges and purges and in the past two months I have gone from b/ping 3-4 times a week to b/ping once a week (or less). That's good, right? But I'm still restricting and I'm still losing and I'm still obsessed with food. That's bad, right?

Last night I binged without purging for the first time in god knows how long. Actually, I pulled over on the turnpike to start purging and then some weird self-preservation part of brain went "what the fuck are you doing"? I didn't want to die getting hit by a fucking car with puke on my face on the side of the road. So I got back in my car...I drove home...And today I don't feel bad...or fat... I just feel like me?

I have SO many more thoughts in my brain about disassociation and the like, but that's for another time.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Found my dream dress (an Herve Leger Bandage dress) 75% off and fit in size S!!!
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Thu Apr 27 09:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67w6o0/rave_found_my_dream_dress_an_herve_leger_bandage/
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https://i.redd.it/0ngtik4g24uy.png

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[Discussion] Is this ??? A normal rate of weightloss? Not just five lbs one week then plateuing from binging?? This?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 08:30:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67vyqi/is_this_a_normal_rate_of_weightloss_not_just_five/
---
http://imgur.com/X4znDyI

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[Other] Momma inspired me.
/u/starvingforbeauty [5'3| UGW: 106 ]
Created: Thu Apr 27 07:12:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67vi2w/momma_inspired_me/
---
Please be kind, first time posting, when I get bored at work I tend to doodle and scribble down things in my mind...This is something I worked on this morning:

Having my mother say "you're so skinny" with a smile on her face

Hearing my husband tell me how much he likes my waist

Seeing a stranger look and smile as I walk into the store

How is this not addicting, how can I not want more?

Watching the numbers go down on the scale has become a game

But baby, don't you do it, don't you go and do the same.

---

[Other] |Other| Some haikus I wrote this morning
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |126.7| WL: 93.4 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Thu Apr 27 06:25:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67v94k/other_some_haikus_i_wrote_this_morning/
---
I was gonna title this ED haikus but it's not like I'm diagnosed so it feels weird and fake to do so. Anyway, I thought of these when my cat was screaming at me for her breakfast at 5am so they may be incoherent, lol.


I want to be thin
To grace the world with a frail
Elegant mystique
.
Is my face too fat?
Can I have that hairstyle if
My face is this fat?
.
My stomach grows large
And bloats uncomfortably
Please god let me shit
.
Do my legs look like
Sausage squeezed up tightly in
A fatty casing?
.
Is it worth the risk
Counting and calculating
Should I eat today?


/these sound so lame reading them back omg

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[Discussion] Do you guys use fitness trackers?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 06:16:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67v7ib/do_you_guys_use_fitness_trackers/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 27 06:08:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67v63e/weekly_emotional_support_april_27_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 27 06:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67v5dt/daily_food_diary_april_27_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] My brain can't decide
/u/throwaway634278
Created: Thu Apr 27 04:19:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67upsz/my_brain_cant_decide/
---
I want to lose weight quickly, so I restrict.

My best friend knows about the ED, so I eat more.

I'm not losing weight fast enough, I eat less.

I nearly pass out in the gym, I get scared and eat more.

My weight goes up 2lbs that day, I eat nothing the next day.

My best friend is worried about me, I promise to eat better.

I hate that I'm eating this much, but I made a promise.

I feel like my body doesn't like this much food, so I eat just a little less.

This is the constant struggle in my brain. It's so easy to not eat, and I love seeing faster results for weight loss. I feel like I can control when I want to stop and eat right, it's only difficult to eat enough for the first few days of eating a normal amount. But the two friends who know really worry about me, and I really hate that. I seem to go back and forth between the two for a week or two at a time. I'm still losing weight, but not as fast as I'd like. Anyone have any advice?

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[Discussion] I sometimes think this *is* a lifestyle choice, and that maybe that just makes me even 'sicker'...why do I keep choosing this for myself?
/u/Jellygator0
Created: Thu Apr 27 04:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67uoq4/i_sometimes_think_this_is_a_lifestyle_choice_and/
---
This article got posted recently: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/cover_story/2015/12/we_need_to_reject_the_false_narratives_around_anorexia.html

She talks about how her sister never had a choice...some of us never stood a chance. Genetics and the right kind of environment set us on a path of self destruction before we even realised.

But I realised it. When I took my first steps down this road, I realised it. When I pushed hard to keep going, even though I didn't want to, I realised it. When the fatigue hit me, pushed me, dragged me back and when I fought through it to go on just a little bit longer, I realised it.

It's not a compulsion to me. I know what compulsions feel like...throwing up six times a day as a teenager was a compulsion. But this? Telling myself to just not eat...that's a choice. One that I go to such great lengths to follow through with. They say that anorexia messes your brain up so much that food physiologically triggers anxiety, but I don't feel that. I find great pleasure in food, and I want so badly to just *eat*. It doesn't scare me. But I won't.

This is a lifestyle choice to me. And wow...how sick must I be to choose it day after day after day. And how sick must I be to feel proud of that.

---

[Rant/Rave] [ rant ] things are terrible lately
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 141 | GW 88 | -23 | NB]
Created: Thu Apr 27 03:44:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ul7a/rant_things_are_terrible_lately/
---
Mobile, no flair, sorry

I was eating terribly (not even maintenance, over maintenance, and so many binges) because I had an exam and I told myself I'd restrict afterwards. And then my exam got moved from the 14th to just last week. And obviously I kept up the shitty eating because I had to 'have energy for studying' or something

And now I can't stop!! Lmao idk I just gotta buckle down, get back to IF and distract myself with work but also I am a baby and weak and there is so much that I'm struggling with. I want to be skinny for the summer and summers knocking on the door??

Life sucks rn. I want to be able to do 100h fasts.

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[Thinspo] Not sure if this has been posted here yet, but I found this lovely woman on IG and immediately thought thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 27 03:29:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ujdc/not_sure_if_this_has_been_posted_here_yet_but_i/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Feeling like my ribs are bruised?
/u/HistrionicSlut
Created: Thu Apr 27 02:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ua18/feeling_like_my_ribs_are_bruised/
---
Lately I've been purging at least every meal. Now around the bottom of my ribs feels sore and like it's bruised. And the upper part of my abdomen feels the same way. Like right below my heart. What gives?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm honestly so mad after a binge.
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Thu Apr 27 01:01:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67u1ai/im_honestly_so_mad_after_a_binge/
---
On mobile so I can't mark Rant

I binged on 1000 kcal of pizza after having a fantastic week of <500 kcal a day. I got the pizza for dinner because my boyfriend loves it and I couldn't help myself. I at least didn't eat five breadsticks but Jesus Christ. I'm just so upset at myself right now. Water fast tomorrow since boyfriend is at work all day 😩

---

[Help] Exercise doesn't work??
/u/toseeyouasasun
Created: Thu Apr 27 00:15:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67tv3g/exercise_doesnt_work/
---
I'm having a tough time w not losing weight due to relying on exercise. This past week, I had a 2000 deficit every day but when I stepped on the scale this morning, it said I gained 2 pounds. I've been exercising off most of my intake for a few weeks now & haven't lost anything. I usually eat about 1600-2000, & my sedentary TDEE is about 1600. I checked measurements but only lost half an inch off my waist. I have a fitness watch that measures heart rate, but I also checked a bunch of different online calorie calculators & even when I'm underestimating exercise calories, I'm still at a very decent deficit.
In January, I exercised off my intake for almost the entire month w only a couple binges & lost nothing. In December, I was hitting 40,000-60,000 steps/day, never eating above 2,000, & still didn't lose anything. I use a scale & eat pretty balanced, & get a decent amount of protein.

I understand whoosh effects are a thing, but to not have lost anything?? I'm scared that exercise doesn't help me lose weight at all, but it's such a helpful coping mechanism & it helps me prevent binges. But also what's the point if I'm not losing any damn weight????? I feel like this is a sign from above that I'm too fat & greedy && should be aiming to eat under 1000 no matter how many miles I run, but logically I know that the laws of thermodynamics SHOULD apply to everyone. Please help :(

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[Discussion] Best snacks/packaged foods from Whole Foods?
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 91.4 | 18.0 | -13 | 19F]
Created: Thu Apr 27 00:06:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ttxs/best_snackspackaged_foods_from_whole_foods/
---
My incredibly kind friend blessed me with a $50 Whole Foods gift card because he knows how stressed I am with exams coming up. I'm planning on going this weekend and using it (waiting for the cold rain to stop, thanks New England). I don't usually shop at Whole Foods because I stick to cheaper stores, but I'd love to hear your favorite Whole Foods items!!

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[Other] I'm bored and want to eat. But if I don't, and I also don't tomorrow I can be that girl who hasn't eaten in two days when I go to the party.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Wed Apr 26 23:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67tkn4/im_bored_and_want_to_eat_but_if_i_dont_and_i_also/
---
[removed]

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ECA stacks?
/u/greciamarzz
Created: Wed Apr 26 22:51:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67tj6w/eca_stacks/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] Found a way to get me back on track.
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 22:33:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67tgj0/found_a_way_to_get_me_back_on_track/
---
TW: negative self-talk, intentional self-triggering

I'm trying to regain some sense of self-control after several weeks of losing control and binging multiple times per week with weight gain. I didn't expect my idea to be as effective as it was.

LoseIt has a "notes" feature. Now I open it, read the note I jotted down for that day's eating plan/log, and maybe 4 out of 5 times I change my mind and decide not to log more food to eat. http://i.imgur.com/l9FRL9Z.png

Other things I've written to trigger myself:
"You control what you put in your mouth."
"You're fat because you eat."
"One day you could be less worthless."

Anyway, obviously it's not healthy, but I just really need control I have lost recently with the binging. I crave control, I crave thinness, I crave perfection. I crave the way starving numbs my brain emotionally. I don't know how long it will last, but for the past few days when I've been successful, relapsing feels like a warm security blanket.

I can't imagine a version of me that could ever exist who wants to recover. I just want to be left alone to live in my anorexia.

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[Discussion] What do you guys eat at night if you can't sleep? What's safe?
/u/throwaway030816
Created: Wed Apr 26 22:11:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67td6s/what_do_you_guys_eat_at_night_if_you_cant_sleep/
---
I try to restrict for most of the day, and time it so I'm not hungry at night, but sometimes my days plans get the best of me, and I don't eat for way too long, and find myself starving at night.

I used to be able to sleep at night but my sleeping issues have gotten incredibly bad, so when my stomach is in pain from restricting I can't sleep.

Today I just had a banana, but I'm not sure if that was good because of all the sugar in me now.

What's a safe go to for late night snacking to tide me over?

---

[Discussion] Weird motivations/goals/requirements? (TMI)
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 21:57:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67tar4/weird_motivationsgoalsrequirements_tmi/
---
Just curious - anyone else here have weird sort of weight "requirements" for certain actions that serve as motivation? Like "not going to a certain restaurant til I'm x lbs" or "that shirt isn't gracing my body until I'm under y lbs".

Total over-share here (sorry everybody) but I've always wanted to be part of a FMF threesome, and I've made it fact that I can't give myself the pleasure of participating in one until I'm under 130 lbs. Partially because it's far enough away from overweight that it's safe, and it also lowers my chances of the other chick being smaller than me - which honestly shouldn't matter bc I'm attracted to her, and the guy is attracted to me, but ya know. I know consciously weight/BMI-wise that I'm technically smaller, but I want any sliver of a shadow of a doubt to be non-existent. But I digress.

Sorry for the TMI, but does anyone else have a similar mindset/requirements?

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[Rant/Rave] I've just done the impossible [rave]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 21:03:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67t1lb/ive_just_done_the_impossible_rave/
---
I ate a single serving of halo top and not the entire pint in one go!! I think this must be a world record. Wouldn't surprise me if I'm the first in history to do it lol

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] So I guess I'm in recovery. Burdening my husband and paying $180 a week to become a fat piece of shit.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Apr 26 19:59:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67spsp/rant_so_i_guess_im_in_recovery_burdening_my/
---
Mother fucking hell...

I'm eating 1600 calories a day now, most of it in wheat bread. I think my stomach might literally explode.

My husband is pissed about the massive expense which isn't covered by insurance at all, and though he says he isn't mad *at me*, he's certainly mad at something. I'm not EVER going to complain about treatment to him, and I'm honestly going to eat everything they shove onto my plate, because believe it or not, I'd rather be fat and ugly than have my husband secretly (or not-so-secretly) resent me for being a very, very expensive burden who contributes nothing to his life. Or worse, leave me. So no complaining to him. At all. I will lose my beautiful, beautiful collarbones and blossoming cheekbones and newly-emerging ribcage and sexy, lovely thigh gap. I won't complain to him. I'll cry silently, at night, or when he's at work. For him, I'll smile. Gaining weight is great. Eating is great. Recovery is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm so happy, so very, very happy just please don't hate me. Please don't leave. Please say I'm still worth it.

I took the "after" selfie to match the "before" I took in February. From 116.8 to 103.2. I did okay, I guess. Now I lose this game. Food wins. Fat wins. Now I get to watch as my sexy thigh gap, my beautiful collarbones, my blossoming hipbones, my sweet ribcage, everything I worked and waited for, gets swallowed up- literally- by oceans of fat. This is what defeat looks like. Use me as your personal warning or whatever. Don't be like me. Don't be defeated.



Balls. This is the worst.

---

[Rant/Rave] Being forced to be something I'm not
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Apr 26 19:48:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67snmm/being_forced_to_be_something_im_not/
---
What I hate most about my body/my ED is that it forces me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like the majority of my life I've never been able to be myself. Because of this I feel like no one in my life really knows me. I feel like my friends aren't my friends because they don't really know me, they know who I show them and that person isn't me at all.

To other people I must literally look like the opposite of how I feel inside.
I love spring and summer and being outside. I like cute clothes. I would probably like going out and doing fun things. But I do none of those things because I hate my body.

To everyone else I'm an indoors person, I dress like a fucking hobo, and I never go out. Literally the opposite of who I am.
I feel trapped and I feel like a fraud. I hate living this way. I'm so convinced that when I hit my goal weight I'll finally be able to live my life.

---

Driving is my weakness
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 19:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67smqo/driving_is_my_weakness/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] Hi, I'm new here.
/u/mychemicalremus
Created: Wed Apr 26 19:32:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67skq1/hi_im_new_here/
---
Hi, my name is Remus, I'm new to reddit. I'm a 16 year old trans boy. I suppose I have some sort of ED partly because of dysphoria, but I've also gone through years of abuse. I used to be kind of okay before grade 9. I really started noticing everyone else's bodies, and my step mom would make me run for 30 minutes every day. That's when I stopped eating.

Idk, it wasn't really serious until recently, before I just kept binging when ever I'd get mad, now I limit myself to 700 calories a day. I've kind of been putting off joining a supportive community because I always feel like I'm not ED enough. I binge, pretty much weekly, and I'm not exactly diagnosed. So... Yeah. Hi.

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[Rant/Rave] I fear that even at my GW, I'll be unhappy
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 109.6 | 20 | -29.5 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 19:24:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67sj3a/i_fear_that_even_at_my_gw_ill_be_unhappy/
---
Being under 100 lbs won't fix my depression.

Being under 100 lbs won't fix my social anxiety.

Being under 100 lbs won't fix all the relationships I fucked up.

Being under 100 lbs won't fix my ugly fucking face.

Being under 100 lbs won't turn me from a mediocre student into the valedictorian I want to be.

I know all these things. Superficially, at least.

But fuck, I *hope* so bad it will. My weight. It's the only thing I have control over at this point. My life is fucking falling apart otherwise.

I don't really know the point of this post. I just needed to let it out to someone who gets it, I guess.

Thanks :(

---

[Rant/Rave] I have seen the light (and they're quest bars)
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3.5" | CW: 141.4 | -55lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Apr 26 19:03:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67sf13/i_have_seen_the_light_and_theyre_quest_bars/
---
When I first started restricting again I wanted to have some sort of bar that would keep me full (because prepackaged and fully accounted for hello) and I tried a quest bar and wanted to kms. Tasted awful. Like, who could willingly eat that???

Fast forward to 4.5 months without dessert and sugar and wow my refined taste buds are appreciating more (cue me eating 20 stalks of asparagus the other day and I actually eat salads now after 21 years of just no) and now I actually liked this bar!

Which is really what I wanted all along because they have so much more fiber and protein than Luna bars (which are still bae Luna bars #sponsormepls) but wow this is a useful post I just wanted to say I joined the quest bar safe food posse because damn that was good.

---

[Discussion] How do they do it?
/u/exgravitas [F/24/160 | CW 55 | GW 48.5]
Created: Wed Apr 26 18:56:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67sdpy/how_do_they_do_it/
---
Does anyone else find it absolutely mind-boggling how "intuitive eaters" (AKA the rest of the non-ED human population) manage to maintain their weight?

It boggles my mind that they can just eat day after day without counting or weighing or measuring. And even if they do happen to overeat one day, their bodies just naturally even things out over time...

All these people who have - for the most part - maintained the same weight for the entire time I've known them... It's like magic.

---

[Intro] New girl in town
/u/Silksheetbluedawn [5'4" | 117 | Yuck | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 18:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67s4jm/new_girl_in_town/
---
Hi! I'm 33, have had an ED for about 7 years, and am kinda relapsing after a year of being weight restored. My ED started as BN, morphed into AN b/p and has morphed again into AN r. I haven't b/p in over a year and I plan to keep going (though it gets hard sometimes).

Let's see, I live in America (California), I love dogs and books and my name comes from the song Obsession by Marina and the Diamonds. Oh and I'm brand new to reddit.

One more thing: female, 5'4, 116 lbs, GW: 90-95.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm back. Just got very very triggered. Help?
/u/kennedyconnolly [5'9| 120 | 17.4]
Created: Wed Apr 26 17:57:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67s2aq/im_back_just_got_very_very_triggered_help/
---
okay so i took a major break from this sub to try and recover. it was working great. this indoor track season i had the best season yet, i was ranked #9 in the country for the 2 mile. it was because i was fueling well for once. now all the colleges want me. i certainly like where i am at, i don't want to lose weight because i know it will take away my running.

however, prom. i bought a dress in august. since i restricted so much then i figured i would never gain. i guess i must have but not much, i only couldnt button the part around my bust line- THATS NOT EVEN WHERE ONE GAINS???? like its like my rib cage got bigger somehow?? i grew like 2 inches does that do anything?

now i really want to cry. i love this dress. i never thought i would be "that girl" thats too fat to fit in her prom dress.

i am full blown back and all it took was 5 minutes. i want to starve again.

---

[Goal] Not once, but TWICE this week..
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 119 | 19.8/20.3 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 17:45:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67s03i/not_once_but_twice_this_week/
---
I was able to stop a binge in its tracks! The other night at work I was reeeally high and since I work at a gas station, I'm literally surrounded by junk food. I cracked and ordered a gluten free cheese pizza from hungry howie's (600 cal) to my job and after a while I checked my phone and saw missed calls/texts from the delivery driver. I called back and apparently they had sent it to the wrong place but they offered to try again and I cancelled my order instead.
Then today I walked in the grocery store prepared to stock up for a halo top binge but at the last second I set it all back. Instead I grabbed a quest bar and some diet root beer, finishing today at a deficit.
I know that it's silly to be proud of but I'm on week 5 of successful high cal restriction (~1100 daily) and down 10 pounds. I can really feel the deficit catching up with me hunger hormone wise :( wish me continued strength u beautiful people

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[Rant/Rave] I'M A SIZE 2!!!
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -45 | 31F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 17:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67rxwm/im_a_size_2/
---
I've never been less than a size 4, not even in middle school.

And somehow I don't look fucking disgusting in a little black dress!

I'm sure I'll feel different tomorrow but for right now I'm psyched and super motivated to keep going. Maybe someday I'll be a skeleton........

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[Other] Sign from the universe?
/u/theobeseana
Created: Wed Apr 26 17:17:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67rudg/sign_from_the_universe/
---
Just went to buy a 60 cal jerky stick from the vending machine and it spit out two of them.

Can't decide if this is the world telling me I'm a fatass and should throw them both away, or the universe telling me I should have two. Hmmm.

---

[Help] Feel like binging today....it's my first day of them ABC diet...🤢I need motivation not to
/u/ivythelastairbender
Created: Wed Apr 26 17:00:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67rqxi/feel_like_binging_todayits_my_first_day_of_them/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] First time laxative user...wow
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Wed Apr 26 16:33:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67rlea/first_time_laxative_userwow/
---
I was nervous so I only took a child's dose but oh my god, I don't know how some of you take these all the time because it's definitelyyyy not for me! I'd rather purge every day than have laxatives, some of you guys are hardcore to do this on a regular basis.

---

[Rant/Rave] Broke my fast last night at 95 hours.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 15:47:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67rbnw/broke_my_fast_last_night_at_95_hours/
---
My bf decided to have people over last night and made hot dogs.
I had 2.... they were the 60 cal beef franks and i used my 40 cal per slice bread instead of a bun so thats good i guess. But i hated myself so much last night and this morning i felt so fucking fat. Like the past 4 days meant nothing because i caved and ate this nasty processed shit excuse for food.

On the plus side tho my body hated it just as much and flipped the fuck out and i was nauseous ( not vomiting by sheer will power) and had like explosive shits all morning.
So im pretty sure my body was like wtf is this nonsense. Here let me punish you.

So i feel a bit better because i didnt have to live with the insufferable after binge bloat for long.
:/

But i gained from 142.6 to 143.4. So that sucked.

---

[Discussion] How to keep going when it gets too hard?
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Wed Apr 26 15:24:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67r6o0/how_to_keep_going_when_it_gets_too_hard/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Being more prone to ED in the summer
/u/dinklederp [5'5" | 119 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 14:55:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67qzup/discussion_being_more_prone_to_ed_in_the_summer/
---
Hey all, long-time lurker here. I was wondering who else feels much more prone to ED in the summer. I was anorexic for about 2 years in highschool, and now, two years into college, I still relapse every summer. The combination of having more free time/fewer responsibilities and knowing I'll be wearing skimpier clothing just drives me to restrict again. Thoughts?

---

[Help] Fellow stoners, how to break the smoking and binging connection?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 14:39:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67qw81/fellow_stoners_how_to_break_the_smoking_and/
---
Lady Ganja is my love. But I can't handle her anymore. I smoke only at night usually for ~2 weeks then when I run out I'll go 1-2 weeks without smoking and losing becomes SO EASY. But whenever I have weed my b/p is out of control. I know the simple answer is to stop smoking, but it helps so much with insomnia/depression. It's medicinal for me. I've been withdrawing from sleeping meds the past week so I bought some indica to smoke before bed. I smoke outside so I have to walk through the kitchen to get to my room and just "one snack" always triggers it. I usually smoke sativas and I don't get the munchies very much, but my brain is still conditioned to think BINGE when I'm high because I created this pattern. Anyone have experience with fixing this?? Should I take an extended break, mindfulness techniques maybe?

---

[Other] When you need to get rid of binge food and don't want to clog the sink disposal
/u/saIad_days [5'3 | 106.2 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 13:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67qkzt/when_you_need_to_get_rid_of_binge_food_and_dont/
---
http://i.imgur.com/i5To74a.jpg

---

[Goal] I hit my LW in 3 years this morning!
/u/theobeseana
Created: Wed Apr 26 13:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67qenp/i_hit_my_lw_in_3_years_this_morning/
---
So I'm still a whale but I hit 184 pounds this morning!!!!!

I'm middle school my LW was 125 after my ED started, then I "recovered" (i.e. Gained like 15 pounds per year) through my freshman year of college. At the beginning of last summer I was 206.

I got down to 186 pretty healthily over the summer but gained it all back before Christmas. I was never able to break 185 (at least not with a scale that I trusted not on carpet).

Around February due to some dpdr related issues (and my bf's fat fetish) my ED kicked in again. I realized how insanely I have ballooned with what I though was recovery. So now my goal weight is 110 and then I will maintain (hahaha yeah sure I will).

Basically I'm just so happy because I lost the bulk of these 20 pounds in March and then gained back to 190ish for the last couple weeks. I told myself this week would be the week I finally broke the magic 185 and didn't expect it to come until Friday, but here it is!!!

I've never felt better 💕💕

---

[Help] Drinking on ECA stacks
/u/throwaway-soph [5'5" | 108.6 | 18.28 | Depends | Female]
Created: Wed Apr 26 13:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67qby8/drinking_on_eca_stacks/
---
Tonight I'm going to an event where I will be drinking, and I hate eating before drinking, so I'd like to take an ECA stack before going (I took one this morning but it'll wear off before the event). I just started ECA stacking again, so while I have experience ECA stacking I've never done it while drinking. Has anyone done this, and what was your experience?

I know that combining stimulants with depressants can be bad because of vasoconstriction, but tbh I've done coke and drank at the same time plenty of times and was generally ok. I just don't know if ephedrine works differently.

---

[Other] Stacker 2 pills... Any good?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 12:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67q8b3/stacker_2_pills_any_good/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] [tip/help] - Eating psyllium husks is a poor choice.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 12:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67pyz4/tiphelp_eating_psyllium_husks_is_a_poor_choice/
---
[deleted]

---

[Thinspo] I collect quotes when I'm trying not to eat.
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 11:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67pu35/i_collect_quotes_when_im_trying_not_to_eat/
---
http://i.imgur.com/kTFMOn9.jpg

---

[Discussion] If you had to live off only 5 foods, what would you choose?
/u/throwaway-soph [5'5" | 108.6 | 18.28 | Depends | Female]
Created: Wed Apr 26 10:31:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67pa1f/if_you_had_to_live_off_only_5_foods_what_would/
---
I always think about this when I'm bored. I could never do a mono diet but when I'm restricting I eat the same things over and over. My only variety is from different types of Lean Cuisine frozen meals.


My five:
1. String cheese
2. Carrots
3. Veggie burgers
4. Apples
5. Rice cakes

+Diet Coke and energy drinks


What are yalls?

---

[Help] Do more ripe/sweeter fruits have more sugar and/or calories then the same type of fruit that is not as ripe/sweet?
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 10:19:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67p74e/do_more_ripesweeter_fruits_have_more_sugar_andor/
---
If I'm eating an overripe, sweet, mushy plum, for example, does it have more calories or sugar in it than if I'm eating an unripe, sour, hard plum?

---

[Rant/Rave] Hating MFP now - I alternate between fasting and full eating days and still get this frustrating as hell when I'm trying to be healthy now.
/u/deja_daisy [5'2 | CW: Sad! | GW:100]
Created: Wed Apr 26 10:04:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67p3ga/hating_mfp_now_i_alternate_between_fasting_and/
---
http://i.imgur.com/bgVSCeG.png

---

[Thinspo] Not necessarily thinspo but i love this.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Apr 26 09:51:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67p03x/not_necessarily_thinspo_but_i_love_this/
---
https://i.redd.it/etln1pzp5xty.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Lots of Food events coming up. Freaking out!
/u/ClaireFarron13
Created: Wed Apr 26 09:40:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67oxof/lots_of_food_events_coming_up_freaking_out/
---
Mostly just want to rant, but if anyone has suggestions, I'm open!

1. Friday I'm going out of town to visit family. We'll be staying with them. I'm scared they'll want to go out for dinner, or comment/notice how little I'm eating. I don't want to go above 500 calories while I'm there! Freaking out!

2. A few weeks later, were having the tasting for our reception! I don't want to taste anything, I just want to eat my safe food! Although this will be easier as I can go work out extra and hopefully burn it all off, but still, I just want to eat my safe foods.

3. A few weeks after that, my parents are going out to dinner to meet my SOs parents. Once again! I just want to eat my safe food!

4. My birthday is coming up, which means lots of dinners! Why can't people just not take me out to dinner! Please! Or save it for like... July when I'm maintaining! Not when I'm trying to lose a ton!

I just want to say no to all this food. Why is it not socially acceptable to sit at a restaurant and drink water while everyone eats?! I just want my safe food.

---

[Help] Ketogenic AND below 800kcal a day?
/u/Braseford [5"3.5 | CW 133 | SW152 |24F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 09:28:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ouwl/ketogenic_and_below_800kcal_a_day/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I've just binged and I'm panicking
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 09:07:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67oq48/ive_just_binged_and_im_panicking/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I lost 1.5 cm of boob, 1.5 cm of ass, and NO waist in the past 2 weeks
/u/Skinnytw [5'6 | 113 | 18.48 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 08:34:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67oic4/i_lost_15_cm_of_boob_15_cm_of_ass_and_no_waist_in/
---
Seriously? Fml.

On the bright side, my horrible belly pouch is down a bit too.

---

[Other] Beachy holiday soon with the boyfriend - finishing a fast and meal prep for the next week is all set (at least I'll have variety!)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:59:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67oaik/beachy_holiday_soon_with_the_boyfriend_finishing/
---
http://i.imgur.com/KmSeQ5x.jpg

---

[Help] Stupid/weird question: Can your body reabsorb calories if you're constipated for a long time?
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|CW 143|-12|UGW 115]
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:43:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67o790/stupidweird_question_can_your_body_reabsorb/
---
Basically I have not pooped in a week despite using laxatives, prune juice, etc. I was at 145 and have maintained a strict 500-800 cals a day regimen. I was hospitalized over the weekend for ovarian issues and put on a lot of pain meds that seriously backed me up even worse than I already was. I'm now at 150. Is it possible to reabsorb calories from poop sitting in our GI tract? Or is it just extra weight from being constipated? If I *really* put on 5 lbs in a couple days I'll just be so devastated since I've been so strict on myself with my diet.


eta: Have pooped at work incessantly. Excited to get home and weigh in!

---

[Rant/Rave] Not sure if I made things better, worse, or am overreacting completely.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:41:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67o6q7/not_sure_if_i_made_things_better_worse_or_am/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Bf is going away for 2 weeks
/u/kafka__dreams
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:40:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67o6ga/bf_is_going_away_for_2_weeks/
---
Im going to miss him a ton but this leaves me with lots of meals I can skip. I havent weighed myself in ages but Im going to weigh myself on friday when he leaves, and restrict hard for the whole time. Im hoping to lose, I'll update, wish me luck guys

---

[Help] Can anyone comment on the accuracy of this calculator?
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67o4nk/can_anyone_comment_on_the_accuracy_of_this/
---
http://www.bmi-calculator.net/weight-loss-calculator/

---

[Discussion] Interesting article on Anorexic literature - worth a read.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:06:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nzpz/interesting_article_on_anorexic_literature_worth/
---
http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/cover_story/2015/12/we_need_to_reject_the_false_narratives_around_anorexia.html

---

[Goal] One week!
/u/Newbeginningtake2
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:05:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nzkh/one_week/
---
Today will mark one week since I last binged and purged. I want to say I'm forever done with it but let's be realistic, addiction and recovery are difficult demons to contain and I may well slip up at some point. But I have to just say I'm proud that I've accomplished this much. One week. Then maybe another...one day at a time. I'm hoping for the best for all of you, in all your goals. I just wanted to share this happy thing with a community that 'gets it' you know?! Yay.

---

[Help] Question about contraceptives
/u/Brickly2017 [5'7" | CW118/GW115 | 18.4 | -13 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 07:02:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nyuf/question_about_contraceptives/
---
This is going to sound crazy, but I don't want to take birth control because I'm finally at my UGW. My bf and I haven't slept together, and I'm not going to in an unsafe way, but I cannot handle the idea of being on the pill.

Is an IUD just as good? Or honestly, is not having my period good for this too?

---

[Discussion] [Disussion] Lets talk about bloating!
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 128.5 | BMI 20.13 | -16.5 | UGW 110 | 21F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 06:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nxxi/disussion_lets_talk_about_bloating/
---
Okay so my number one area of my body which I hate is my stomach. Even at my LW which was technically (just) underweight by BMI, my stomach was so puffy and stuck out so much.

Like, I wake up in the morning and my stomach is pretty flat! Yay! And then I eat something, ANYTHING, and I look 7 months pregnant.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I have an intolerance to certain foods but I'm not sure how to figure out what food is causing it.

Has anybody else had this issue and successfully found the root cause?

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 26 06:07:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nokt/way_to_go_wednesday_april_26_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for April 26, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 26 06:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67no7z/daily_food_diary_april_26_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] Girl at healthy weight thinks she has an ED /s
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3.5" | CW: 141.4 | -55lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Apr 26 05:47:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nlbx/girl_at_healthy_weight_thinks_she_has_an_ed_s/
---
So I get a referral from my psych np for therapists specializing in EDs since mine was just making it worse. Call one and they sound concerned based on what I'm telling them, ed symptoms and all, and they suggest IOP and not just therapy. Ask my weight... embarrassed, I tell them, prompting them to ask my height... and suddenly not really all too concerned.

Like, I knew it was stupid to think they would take me seriously. I bet if they knew that my heart rate has been resting at 48-55 or that I dropped 50lbs in 4.5 months through restricting then maybe I might actually sound sick. But just because I'm right at the top of a healthy weight range I'm probably okay.

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who commented, you're all too sweet. I'll probably pursue treatment again later but right now I'm just kind of ashamed and embarrassed.
🌻

---

How to lie about my "healthy relationship with food"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 05:22:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nh6b/how_to_lie_about_my_healthy_relationship_with_food/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Living alone is great until it's not
/u/nopenopenpoenope
Created: Wed Apr 26 04:51:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67nci4/living_alone_is_great_until_its_not/
---
I'm so fucked

fuck

I live alone and have no friends/family in the country. Complete isolation, complete indulgence in my disordered eating

I've gotten down to 70-something pounds, been basically maintaining, all good

Then came the sudden reactive eating, out of the blue and for no reason

I can shove 7000+ calories down my throat without even trying. This is the fourth time this month.

every day every day I'm going to get so fat and, completely by myself, there is nothing and no one that can stop me. Or worse still I'll start purging again after three years of being free from that hellhole. that would be the most horrible thing I can imagine at this point.

fuck fuck fuck

---

[Discussion] DAE notice "skinny competition" between girls?
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 02:12:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67mrv1/dae_notice_skinny_competition_between_girls/
---
There's a few girls I used to be friends with who don't have eating disorders as far as I know, but are seemingly obssessed with looking skinny and perfect and flaunting it. Both in person and now especially on Instagram. It's like it's a constant competition on who can put up the skinniest picture and look the best. I personally hate having my picture taken so I'm not really part of this, but it's just something I noticed.

---

[Discussion] Once your UGW is reached how do you maintain?
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 117😷 | 20.7 | -10 lbs | F 18 | UGW 95 |]
Created: Wed Apr 26 02:12:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67mru9/once_your_ugw_is_reached_how_do_you_maintain/
---
Everyone always says that after you restrict and lose weight you gain it all back. If this is true, then what is the point? I want to reach my UGW, but I don't want to gain the weight back. How do you avoid this? Is there a way to introduce more food back into your diet to avoid gaining weight because obviously if you keep restricting you'll lose until you die. Will your body just gain the weight back inevitably if your goal is underweight my UGW is underweight, so I'm afraid that if I try and eat normally say 1200 cals daily I will gain until I reach my body's "ideal" weight for efficiency. I don't want to lose weight the "healthy" way because 1. I have an eating disorder 2. I want to lose the weight quickly. I am just terrified of gaining the weight back. Anyone who has had experience with this or has been able to maintain after reaching their UGW please give any tips or advice. Thanks!

---

[Rant/Rave] Relapse?
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 26 01:46:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67moqg/relapse/
---
I don't know how to feel. One and a half-two years ago I thought I 'recovered' from EDNOS. I've had occasional slips since then, but never like this. I've always said recovery is an every day choice because the tendencies, traits, and habits never go away... and you have to choose whether or not to listen to the 'ed' voice, as I call it, whenever it comes back.

Two and a half weeks ago I started a medication that makes me lose my appetite. It's made it too easy not to eat, or to eat hardly anything. Seeing the number on the scale go down and the feeling of control and being able not to eat has set off a trigger or something. Seeing the number go down is like a potent high.

I know it's not healthy, but I also want it. I've felt so much prettier and happier and clothes fit better. I can't even blame my medication anymore as my appetite has come back a little bit, I'm just using it as an excuse and to lie to myself.

I even was told I'm "tiny tiny" today, which I haven't heard in a long time. I'm pretty tall (5'9") and even though I'm naturally pretty thin and muscular, I've always felt large. Hearing that felt so good. I just don't know and wanted to get out how I'm feeling.

Edit: This is also my first post on here, so hey everyone I guess!

---

[Rant/Rave] I ate so much today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 26 00:43:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67mglk/i_ate_so_much_today/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] [meta] Would any of you guys be interested in making a massive group chat?
/u/kieran01pd2016 [6' | CW169 | BMI24.25| UGW143 | 18-M]
Created: Wed Apr 26 00:14:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67mco3/meta_would_any_of_you_guys_be_interested_in/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like shit. [rant]
/u/kieran01pd2016 [6' | CW169 | BMI24.25| UGW143 | 18-M]
Created: Tue Apr 25 23:36:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67m79p/i_feel_like_shit_rant/
---
So basically a rant, I guess.

I've been really good, you know, restricting and losing quite a bit of weight. But then the weekend came along.

For two nights, I drank *way* too much and ate everything in a 5 mile radius. I mean, yeah, I enjoyed it at the time, but I wish I hadn't.

Not to mention, I knew how many calories were in the drinks I was having but I just wanted to have a good time, I guess. I think that when your drunk your body realizes that your guard is down and decides that it's the perfect opportunity to impulsively make you eat, at least that's how I see it.

I'm sitting here, feeling like shit because I put all of that lost weight back on and I honestly just can't wait until it's all gone again. Fuck me dead I hate my life.

Anyhow, if you've read to here, thank you :)

TLDR: I binge drank and binge ate for 2 nights straight. I feel like shit. Someone date me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Cashier told me "it's okay" after I came back to buy a second bag of kettle corn.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 23:35:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67m705/cashier_told_me_its_okay_after_i_came_back_to_buy/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I can't keep anything down :(
/u/thescarletlettergirl [5'3 | CW 117😷 | 20.7 | -10 lbs | F 18 | UGW 95 |]
Created: Tue Apr 25 22:41:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67lyrd/i_cant_keep_anything_down/
---
I can't eat anything without purging some or all of it up. I am already only eating about 500-700 calories a day, but probably less because I can't keep it down. I can't stand the feeling of having anything in my body recently, even if it's something as small as an apple or a salad. I feel like I have to purge or use laxatives to be "empty" and "clean." I want to restrict but I know that eating nothing is terrible and very unhealthy. Any help on how to stop abusing laxatives and purging and how to feel comfortable with something in my body.

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[Rant/Rave] This is so fucked up and I'm a terrible girlfriend.
/u/chronicselfsabotage [5'7" | 144 | 22.55 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 20:29:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67lblt/this_is_so_fucked_up_and_im_a_terrible_girlfriend/
---
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long fucking time. We know pretty much everything about each other. He has been here for me throughout all my mental health bullshit, including my eating disorder. I've been having so much anxiety about everything, flip-flopping between wanting to recover and wanting to do anything in my power to lose the weight I've gained and more. I hate my body right now. I thought I hated it at my LW and I figured, hey, maybe I should recover so that I can actually appreciate my body and *like* myself, but nooOoOooOOo. I feel worse about myself than before, because I'm becoming exactly what I was trying to protect myself from. I worked so hard to be skinny and I was getting so close, and now I've just gone and thrown it all away.

Enter me being a terrible girlfriend.

(Also sorry I'm really high so if this is ranty and/or disjointed I'm really sorry)

I've been looking to my boyfriend for reassurance that I'm not a disgusting bag of shit. That I'm doing the right thing, that I'm not a monstrous whale who is eating way too much. That it's better for me to recover even if it means I can't be skinny like I was. I'm trying to make myself okay with where I am now without feeling like I need to just stop fucking eating for a couple months. I've brought up to him that I don't like the size I've become, that I want to lose weight, that I feel like I need to be small. And he is doing all he can to be supportive, and I know he can't read my mind, but all I want to hear from him is that he *doesn't want me to lose weight*. Instead, what I'm getting from him is that he's okay with me losing weight "as long as I do it in a healthy way".

All that says to me is that he wants me to lose weight. That I did look better when I was almost-skinny, and that he would be on board with me trying to attain that again. I know he's trying to respect what I want, and of course I appreciate that, but this is doing nothing to make me want to actually recover.

Idk. I'm horrible. I know he doesn't mean it that way, but I can't let go of the fact that I want to be skinny enough for him to not want me to be any skinnier. I already know I'm not there, like I'm not blind or an idiot, but... I don't know. What I want from him isn't reasonable or fair. I know that. I just wish there were some universe where the size I am now could be what he actually prefers over the size I used to be, the size I *could be again* if I just say fuck recovery for a while.

I'm considering doing just that, to be honest. My self-esteem seems to be shit no matter what, and my anxiety is far worse now than it is when I'm fully in my eating disorder, so hey... might as well try to get a better body out of it...

---

[Rant/Rave] Knee Injury?
/u/alovelytime
Created: Tue Apr 25 19:46:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67l3iw/knee_injury/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE hate the feel of your lips on a drink edge?
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Tue Apr 25 19:14:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67kxek/dae_hate_the_feel_of_your_lips_on_a_drink_edge/
---
I only drink with a straw, which rarely gets a funny look, because I'm BFFs with water. But, I drank my tea with a straw. Then, had to explain WHY. I think they're on to me, now....

Them: Why are you drinking your tea with a straw!!???

Me: Cause I like to.

Them: Yeah, but what are you, twelve?

Me: I just don't like the feel of my lips on the edge of the glass, cause it feels like the skin cells and whatever else is on my lips is being scrapped back on to the edge, and then falls back into the drink, its just so freaky!

Them: ...... blank stare.....


Anyone else??

---

[Discussion] Tell me one painful thing that makes you NOT give your ED up.
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Tue Apr 25 19:00:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67kury/tell_me_one_painful_thing_that_makes_you_not_give/
---
I'm scared of food. I'm scared to gain weight because I know and I felt how it feels to be heavy and the loss of control back then. I'm scared that I'm too far into self-destruction and damage and that simply going back would undo all of this "work."

My sad truth is that I can't/won't/don't want to stop purging. If my teeth were spared, I would keep doing this ugly thing--nevermind all the pain my putting my body through.

I'm sorry. I wish I knew how it felt to be beautiful. I can't be beautiful anymore I feel. I've sunk too deep. If I cannot be this, I will self-destruct.

EDIT: I didn't think there will be 93 comments on this post but I wanted to let everyone know THANK YOU for your raw honesty and your vulnerability in your answers and all the love. You guys deserve all the happiness honestly <3

---

[Help] uh, just need some help with discord
/u/justme0989 [5'4" | CW 163? | Lady Lumps | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 18:57:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ku7k/uh_just_need_some_help_with_discord/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Am I dumb or is everyone else?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 18:46:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ks4e/am_i_dumb_or_is_everyone_else/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] How to get more electrolytes??
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 18:34:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67kpu7/how_to_get_more_electrolytes/
---
Can someone please explain electrolytes and how to get those or keep those up? I literally only know that I need them and powerade/gatorade theoretically has them lol

---

[Rant/Rave] I've been avoiding the scale.
/u/justme0989 [5'4" | CW 163? | Lady Lumps | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 18:28:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67koo0/ive_been_avoiding_the_scale/
---
Disclaimer: I'm new. The last time I was weighed was when I went swimming and saw a scale in the locker room. Came out to 163.

I know I've lost weight, so on one hand I want to run and see my progress. On the other hand, I don't want to know how much I've lost. People have complimented me on how much I've lost, but those who know my eating habits are concerned. Having an old estimate that puts me well above what I need to be helps ease their mind, I guess? I'm not sure. I'll try to go swimming again tonight and see if I've reached my 145 goal.

Wish me luck!

---

[Rant/Rave] Self image
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Tue Apr 25 18:22:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67knfk/self_image/
---
So maybe it's just me, but recently I've been really down about myself. Obviously I'm always judging my own body harshly but even my boyfriend can tell I'm down. I wonder every day how he can look at my face and tell me I'm pretty or have sex with me and see my fat body and grab my tummy and tell me I'm beautiful. I always feel disgusting and like I don't deserve his love or affection, and especially his compliments. It's shitty because I know he really loves me but I can never look in the mirror and even once see anything good in myself. I keep noticing how round my face is and how grossly huge my stomach is, how big my thighs have gotten. It's so difficult to revert back to my LW of freshman year when this all started. I lost 30 pounds in 2.5 months then (granted I was on nutrisystem. But even so I obsessively counted my calories and ate less than the package, especially since most of the food was garbage.)
I hope everybody is feeling better than me today. Maybe it's just the rain today....

---

[Discussion] EDs and positions of authority
/u/hidden-figure [5'10" | 115 | 16.5 | 31F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 18:03:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67kjkj/eds_and_positions_of_authority/
---
How many of us are in positions of authority either professionally or personally (for instance, as parents)? I would love to hear others' experiences with having eating disorders in adulthood.

When I was a teenager, I had an open canvas for self-destruction: I could starve, wander the city at night, pretend to be an existentialist, and so on.

I grew up and took my ED with me. Now I'm a mother, wife, and professor. I've maintained the same weight (pregnancies aside!) for over a decade, by exercising regularly and going to bed just a tiny bit hungry each day. I chose this weight because I'm comfortable enough, and no one else worries.

Further, I need personal presence and health to be a good mom to my kids and partner to my husband. I need them to carry out research and scholarship, which is how I assert myself as a person. I need to be a peer to my colleagues and mentor to my students. All of these things are more important than my ED...

...AND, I wonder: do I still have one if I've kept it in a stasis for so long? Even worse, does it count as anorexia if a 16.5 BMI (on a medium-slender build) looks good to people, or is this more of a societal issue? Am I kidding myself to think that I can have everything?

Again, I'd love to hear other people's experiences in juggling an ED with careers, parenthood, and other responsibilities. I don't talk about it in real life anymore, and it's so heartening to find a community for such discussions!

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[Other] graduating soon but have nothing to wear...
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 17:28:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67kcqr/graduating_soon_but_have_nothing_to_wear/
---
i am graduating soon but a lot of my dresses are too tight to be comfortable and I do not want to go buy one when i am this heavy...i will be restricting heavily until the day so hopefully i can squeeze into one of the sundresses i already have but it is so disheartening to not be comfortable in dresses that i had no problem wearing last summer..

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[Rant/Rave] Can I get some peanut butter for all this jelly?
/u/Echolaura [5'10.6"| 138| 18.9| -31| F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 17:27:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67kcnw/can_i_get_some_peanut_butter_for_all_this_jelly/
---
I'm going to meet one of my brothers friends this weekend and he was describing her to me. He kept emphasizing how she was super fun and 90 lb soaking wet and the tiniest girl he's ever seen. It just makes me feel....ugh. He also told me she takes the same meds I do but at a fraction of the dose because she's "half my weight."

Guys are so dumb.

1) This guy lives with me, how does he not understand I have an ED with all the crazy shit I do?

2) Don't talk to a girl about how much smaller another girl is ughh

3) Even if she is only 90 lb, I'm only 50 lbs heavier than her!

^only ^50 ^lbs ^heavier
^^50 ^^lbs ^^heavier
*Wow that is painful sentence to read.*

4) Do I look like I weigh 180 still?? Wtf I've been working for months to not be 180 jesus christ. All this work and I'm always going to be big fml.

5) That feeling when you will never be described with that kind of reverence. If I work really really hard I might get described as 120 lb soaking wet :/ And I'll always be bigger than most guys because I'm almost 6ft tall ugh.

TLDR: I'm super jealous of short girls. That it all.

Also my brother is dumb.

---

[Discussion] Does having set mealtimes help anyone?
/u/apricaught [5'3| back to 125 :(| -15 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 17:09:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67k91l/does_having_set_mealtimes_help_anyone/
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So I talked to a dietitian (framing it as a binge eating problem and nothing more) and she advised that I stop trying the intermittent fasting and instead do breakfast, lunch, then a snack, then a late dinner, then a late night snack as needed. She pointed out that since I stay awake until 2:00, I'm possible binging because I ate dinner at 6 and my body hasn't had food in a while. Not sure how much I buy the reasoning but I like the idea of having structured mealtimes to look forward to, but I also don't know how to explain this to friends who want to go out to eat at the wrong time.

Does anyone have experience with eating throughout the day and not fucking up? For snacks, I'm currently thinking apples or nugo slim bars, but I'm worried their calorie/sugar content will somehow trigger a binge. I just don't know.

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[Rant/Rave] My kids encouraged me to eat (rant)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 16:27:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67k0fa/my_kids_encouraged_me_to_eat_rant/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Lunchables!
/u/YourChinaDoll
Created: Tue Apr 25 15:54:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67jthj/lunchables/
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Does anyone else love these things? I've been eating one for lunch and one for dinner and I've already lost 3.4 pounds (although I know that's mostly water!). They're so cute and I just feel so childlike eating them and I know they're junky and processed but they fill me up and only have 200 calories but also a decent amount of protein, depending on which ones you're getting!
Edit: I think they're actually called lunchmakers, next to lunchables. Here's a link: https://www.armourmeats.com/category/lunchmakers/

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[Discussion] Anyone else feel like 1200kcal is not low enough? [Discussion]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 15:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67joug/anyone_else_feel_like_1200kcal_is_not_low_enough/
---
The reason I say this is because I've been at around 700kcal per day. Today I ate around 1100kcal because I was so hungry and tired and I just feel freaking grim. Like I'm never going to lose weight and get to my UGW. Yesterday I weighed in at 60kg, today I'm weighing in at 62kg :(

I'm hoping tomorrow brings better things!!

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[Help] Saving calories before a big meal?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Tue Apr 25 15:21:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67jlxe/saving_calories_before_a_big_meal/
---
So I recently moved to a new town far far FAR away from home, and we finally found a restaurant here that's amazing. Some of the best food and service I've ever had.

Well we agreed that we wanted to go back next week (tomorrow) and I've been mentally preparing myself. (It's Italian food. Fuck me, right?) and I think I'm going to be okay about eating the calories.

My problem is that whenever I come out of a restriction period, my stomach responds violently.

I know I know TMI, but it's a problem. I can usually help it along by eating an average-ish sized meal earlier in the day (I say help it along, I mean that it just happens earlier in the day when I'm prepared and along with the porcelain god)

My issue is that I don't know if I should just eat that day so I dont have anger-tum, or if I should just try to rush through dinner and get home? I feel like there's no winning here...

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So fed up of pretending to everyone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 14:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67jf52/so_fed_up_of_pretending_to_everyone/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I don't need to recover, I just want not to be me anymore
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 22F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 14:02:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67j3i8/i_dont_need_to_recover_i_just_want_not_to_be_me/
---
Prepare for a novel.

This is eating my life in the slowest, most painful bites.

My fiance comments on my body because that's what SOs do and it's obnoxious because on the one hand, I'm super flattered every time he compliments me or says how tiny I am but on the other hand, I know without a doubt that I am the furthest from tiny and only look smaller because we live in the US of fricking A and everyone here is obese so of course I look like a twig in comparison.

But at the same time, I'm 23 now and weigh the same as I did when I was 17 and starving and only feel fatter than ever, but I haven't actually lost enough for danger zones and I don't need to recover, I just need this chunk of my brain scooped out because I'm so done with all the self-hate and pinching and planning and lying and damn mirrors everywhere ruining my day. I've read all the recovery books and articles and blogs and watched all the documentaries and follow all the accounts on Instagram and I COULD TEACH A CLASS ON RECOVERY but it's not for me. I know that no amount of talking about my feelings is going to fix me and being forced to gain weight will make everything so much worse. I don't know what I would do if my clothing stopped fitting or the number on the scale went up and that terrifies me. I really don't know but I do know I couldn't handle it.

And I don't know how long I can keep this up but I can't actually picture ever being able to stop. I thought this was going to be a silly high school obsession and then I thought that surely it would just be a college thing and now I'm thinking that it's just a living-by-myself thing - but is anything really going to change once I move in with my fiance????

I know the answer is no. Nothing is going to change. But looking ahead and picturing our life together and constantly having this inner battle every time I have to eat around him or trying to hide the fact that I never bring lunch to work or eat breakfast or whatever - it's not going to work. It makes me want to jump off a bridge except that I do love my life and my fiance and things are so good, but I just can't kick this.

And despite ALL OF FUCKING THIS I still look the same. My arms are flabby and I have saddlebag rolls when I'm stretching out and my thighs look so enormous the rest of my body looks like a cartoon and my butt is utterly shapeless and my chin will never have an Audrey Hepburn jawline and I'm just so tired of hating myself but the only solution is not to look in the mirror and that only lasts so long.

Some part of me thinks that all of this mental struggle would be gone if I could just look in the mirror and like what I see. And I know I can never do that with the body I have - I've tried over and over and always come up hating myself more than before.

I'm just stuck guys. Please tell me I'm not insane.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I feel invincible!
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Tue Apr 25 13:52:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67j148/rantrave_i_feel_invincible/
---
I haven't binged in a week (9 days actually), I'm eating at a 1200+ deficit, I stopped procrastinating my uni assignments, theyweight drops reaaally fast, I'm just a tiny bit hungry and that can be ignored and I overcame my anxiety today and talked to this one girl in my uni class which I want to be friends with (fingers crossed). If I carry on like this i'll reach my weight goals just in time for bikini season. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I feel like the universe is finally throwing some of that sweet, sweet karma at me!

Buuuuut..It's just too good to be true. The binge is going to get me, right? You can't just stop bingeing from one day to the other. Something must be wrong. Argh. I want to be really excited but I can't!

---

[Help] Workers of Starbucks
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 13:44:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67iz4z/workers_of_starbucks/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] MyBodyGallery accuracy?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Tue Apr 25 13:33:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67iwat/mybodygallery_accuracy/
---
So I go on MyBodyGallery a lot because I like to see other photos of people with similar stats to me, or see what a goal weight might look on me...but quite often, especially as I get smaller, I find myself looking at a photo of someone the exact same height/weight as me on there and thinking "uhh...no?"

I can't tell if it's my body dysmorphia or I'm just a bitch or what. I almost never see photos where I think the person has overestimated their weight, but there are TONS of photos on there where I feel like the person has underestimated their weight by 10 lbs or more. Am I crazy or does anybody else experience the same thing? Maybe it has to do with my height? IDK. I know everyone is shaped differently and has fat deposits in different places etc, but I can't shake the feeling that a LOT of the weight estimates on that site are off...what do you guys think?

(also hay whassup sorry I disappeared after Easter. I was eating maintenance for a while and too ashamed to post here but I hate myself enough to restrict again so haaaay y'allllll)

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[Other] What's your favourite thinspo on Instagram
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Tue Apr 25 13:01:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67iovu/whats_your_favourite_thinspo_on_instagram/
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I'm talking women like alexisren and kimiperi who just post pictures of their beautiful tiny bodies. I need some motivation

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[Rant/Rave] 84 hours into my liquid fast.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:51:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67immc/84_hours_into_my_liquid_fast/
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Im 84 hours in.

I feel ok.
Drinking tons of water.
Coffee in the morning.
Powerade zero around lunch.
Bullion cube for dinner to fill my tummy so i can sleep.


Chain smoking like a mother fucker.

Woosh is happening. (All hail the woosh gods!)

142.6 as of this morning. (I was stuck at 145.1-145.9 for a solid 2 weeks. )

Not updating my flair till i im this low for a few days.

Also tmi. But i finally shit this morning after like a week.

So ya. Just gonna keep going till i physically cant cause why not.

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[Discussion] Question of The Day.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:46:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ilbj/question_of_the_day/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Sex and Rejection
/u/ramargo [5'8" | huge | gelatinous brickhouse | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:32:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ihsk/sex_and_rejection/
---
Posting to you guys because I don't know who else would understand or listen. I recently started seeing this guy, and I was so shocked that he was interested in me. He seemed so out of my league- handsome, smart, funny, but also warm&friendly and a huge nerd. We seemed to be connecting, and he kept making reference to future plans and doing cutesy things. I felt pretty and desired for the first time in a while, and this only added to my boosted confidence from coming out a binge phase to restrict consistently again and reaching one of my first goal weights. On days that I'd see him, I wouldn't eat all day because I wanted my stomach to be as small as possible. But we had sex for the first time last week and it was clear that I was actually a pump&dump hookup to him. The sex was aggressive and painful. He tried to put me in a bunch of different positions that involved lifting me up, but they didn't work because I'm a fatass. There was no foreplay, and I was dry when he went in. It was so awful. Afterwards, he barely looked at me, got dressed, went to the bathroom. When he came back, he told me that it was the most vanilla sex he'd had in long time, like it was a performance review, then he left. He hasn't texted me since. The next day, I purged everything I ate, then I binged for the first time in weeks. It's been four days and I feel like I am fucking up all of success with restriction. All I can think is that he wouldn't have done this to me if I was thin. This experience only validated my feelings that I am disgusting and unlovable. He only told me that I was beautiful to get what he wanted. He only pretended to like me. I feel numb and I can't stop bingeing. The plan is to get back into restriction consistently again by the end of this week. I can't eat my way back up to my highest weight again. I can't fucking do it.

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[Help] Frustrated w/high restriction & intense exercise
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW: 135 lbs | -21 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:26:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67igfd/frustrated_whigh_restriction_intense_exercise/
---
I'm so annoyed with my body right now and feel like crying. I have been forcing myself to eat 900-1,000 cals and working out 90 minutes every day for the past two weeks (other than one day of fasting/rest) and the scale just won't budge! I "lost" .2 lbs which I'm not even really counting as a loss because it's so little. Can someone tell me how is this even possible?
I meticulously weigh out all of my foods too so I'm pretty sure that my calorie-counting can't be off. I just want to be thin enough for summer time ugh..

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[Rant/Rave] Success
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:13:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67id76/success/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Do emotional breakdowns burn calories
/u/strawberrysweeet [5'11 | CW: kms | UGW:130 | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:10:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67icdr/do_emotional_breakdowns_burn_calories/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] proED support thread type thing?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 12:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67iaek/proed_support_thread_type_thing/
---
[removed]

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[Meme/Humor] Super strange commercial promoting weight loss.
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |111lbs |19.43 |-23 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 11:35:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67i3ry/super_strange_commercial_promoting_weight_loss/
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https://www.facebook.com/asiancrush.tv/videos/1391497940873069/

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TMI!!!!!! Salt flush?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 11:22:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67i0mr/tmi_salt_flush/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] I reached a major goal!
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 11:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67hxv7/i_reached_a_major_goal/
---
This morning I weighed in at 120 pounds/54.4kg/17.40 BMI!!!!

This is so amazing for so many reasons.

* I hit my goal for April five days early.

* Hit my BMI goal of being under 17.5 (Next is under 16.5)

* My lowest weight ever was 120. Maybe 118 or something, but the lowest I have ever maintained was 120. I'm breaking new ground.

And I feel great today. I'm not hungry, tired, lethargic. I'm ready to keep pushing forward.

---

[Rant/Rave] losing weight, feeling fat
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 11:07:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67hx1m/losing_weight_feeling_fat/
---
bear with me guys, this one's a rant.

I've gained and lost the same 20 kg for years now, but now that I'm getting close to my lowest weight (I've lost 14 kg since February), I'm really frustrated because I still look way heavier than I am in the mirror! The last time I weighed what I do now (58 kg at 170 cm), I was so confident, but now I can't even bear to wear sleeveless clothes because I'm fixating on the fat on my upper arm.

I can't tell if it's something to do with fat distribution/more fat and less muscle than the last time I was at this weight, or whether my body dysmorphia is so bad that I can't see myself as thin. My ultimate goal weight was 52 for years, but now it's 47 because I can just tell that losing 6 more kilos won't be anywhere near enough.

I'm just sad that I may never be happy with my body.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I have zero concept of what I look like
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 11:02:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67hvru/rant_i_have_zero_concept_of_what_i_look_like/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] feel like I've lost the ability to restrict
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 10:26:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67hmzd/rant_feel_like_ive_lost_the_ability_to_restrict/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I hit a new low weight today, and I didn't even enjoy it because I ate over my calorie goal yesterday.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue Apr 25 10:21:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67hly2/i_hit_a_new_low_weight_today_and_i_didnt_even/
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[removed]

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[Help] Bronkaid vs Primatene
/u/throwaway-soph [5'5" | 108.6 | 18.28 | Depends | Female]
Created: Tue Apr 25 09:24:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67h8dx/bronkaid_vs_primatene/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] BED vs. reactive hunger from restricting: How to tell the difference
/u/TopCat1392 [5'3.5" | 129.2 | 23.06 😫| -5.8 | GW:92.6 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 08:58:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67h29n/discussion_bed_vs_reactive_hunger_from/
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Hope this question is allowed / not offensive, but I was wondering how one would tell the difference between reactive hunger (causing overeating) from restricting and full out BED. Saw a video someone posted here with a title along the lines of "Why you don't have BED" and I'm now more confused than ever.

Thank you all
xoxoxo

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[Discussion] Anyone else dealing with other MH issues? Meds, depression messing with my weight.
/u/f3ckdepression [5'2"| CW:139 lbs| BMI:25 | -3 | GW:100 lbs | UGW 90 lbs]
Created: Tue Apr 25 08:47:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67gzwh/anyone_else_dealing_with_other_mh_issues_meds/
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I have PTSD and depression. They say most people lose weight when depressed, but I gain. I just got out of an episode that lasted over a year. When depressed I binge and hide in my bedroom and am inactive. Right now, I feel like my body isn't me and I hate myself. It's like this disease takes my mind and my body away from myself. I feel so insecure, my partner is really attractive and I know that he could get someone more attractive than me at this point. I know he loves me for more than my body, but it hurts that I don't look like his ideal woman anymore.

Don't get me started on meds and how they fuck with your body too. I just did the math and to be 100 lbs by the end of the summer I need to restrict to 700 cals/day. I'm starting a new program at university in the fall and want to be back to myself. Anyone else dealing with anything similar?

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[Discussion] What are your hobbies?
/u/chrissle_ [176cm|hw:106kg|cw:86kg|gw:53kg|F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 08:47:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67gzvf/what_are_your_hobbies/
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So I'm in the middle of a fast atm (48hrs so far) and I'm feeling good! The only problem is that I have the urge to eat just out of habit.
I've been eating the same brekky/lunch/dinner at the same time each day for the last few weeks, so now that I'm not eating, idk what to do with myself..?
I've cleaned my whole apartment to the point where it's prepped for surgery, I need a new deck of cards because of hours of solitaire, and I've even whipped out the scarf I've been trying to knit for three years....

So please!! What are some hobbies that will occupy my hands??

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[Discussion] Diet Pills / Fat Burners... Not worth it.
/u/95CHOI
Created: Tue Apr 25 07:33:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67gk7d/diet_pills_fat_burners_not_worth_it/
---
From what I've read, it seems to be an unpopular/uncommon opinion here... Some may disagree and that's fine but I wanted to warn others based on my own experience because if I have any chance at preventing people from having similar problems, I obviously want to take it.

Please, if you haven't already, don't take diet pills. If you do and can stop, I highly suggest you do.

I started taking them at 14 and several years later, I still take them every day because without them I have 0 energy and it's way harder to ignore any hunger or cravings I may get. Actually, I'm totally dependent and don't function without them. When I've tried to stop taking them, I almost always over-eat and end up gaining weight back because instead of teaching myself real self-discipline and how to properly (naturally) ignore hunger—two things that are crucial for losing weight and maintaining it—, I took the "easy way out" (pills).

This "shortcut" is a wrong turn more than anything and not worth any amount of quick weight loss that may happen as a result because you just end up gaining it back when your appetite comes back. When it comes to successful (maintained) weight loss, "nothing worth having comes easy" is one of the best mantras to live by.

My dependency has landed me in hospital a few times and I'm sure my organs aren't in as great of shape as they should be because of it along with everything else I do and take on a regular if not daily basis. I believe the diet pills are half the reason I'm now struggling so much with bulimic behaviours and maintaining weight loss since I can't control my appetite without them. They've caused far more harm than any good they could ever do.

I know not everyone will have such an intensely awful experience with them as I have and I do have what seems to be the most addictive personality in history but I just wanted to write this as a warning since I've seen a few posts about them lately. I was gonna reply to one post directly as a comment but I wanted to make sure people saw it. There's very few things I regret in life as much as starting with those stupid pills. Just have a sugar free energy drink if you're that desperate for caffeine or a way to suppress your appetite.

Please stay safe, everyone!!

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[Rant/Rave] Discouraged.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 25 06:43:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67gai9/discouraged/
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[deleted]

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[Other] You can reach your goal today.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 06:15:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67g5ak/you_can_reach_your_goal_today/
---
Whatever it may be. Just wanted to post some encouragement. Stay strong, darlings. Xoxo

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 25 06:04:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67g3hn/daily_food_diary_april_25_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Random Positivity Post for talls girls and POC
/u/xxpepperbombxx [5'9" | CW: 220 | F | BMI:Fat]
Created: Tue Apr 25 05:45:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67g08s/random_positivity_post_for_talls_girls_and_poc/
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Tag for discussion sorry I am on my tablet. I am sitting here watching old Jeremy Scott Runway shows on Youtube and I was astonished all over again by fashion and run way models. As a tall girl struggling with wanting to feel small delicate and petite I love love love models. Specifically runway models. There you can find the tallest and awkward gangly forms. People of color are plentiful as well. I just want to remind tall beauties like me that we should own it. To me thin legs that never end and tall bodies can be beautiful too. What is your favorite tall thinspo ? Also, do you struggle with wanting to be short too?

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[Rant/Rave] You guys, I hit 17.5!!!
/u/Pans_Flabyrinth [5'5.75" | 106.2 | BMI: 17 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 04:57:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67fsr0/you_guys_i_hit_175/
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I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm so thrilled right now. I finally hit a BMI of 17.5. I'm too scared to update my flair in case I go back up. And yet, I feel strangely motivated to restrict even harder today to keep it there.

DAE get that way? Where a success makes you more motivated to eat less rather than reward yourself? I'm not even mad about it. It's just kind of strange.

I was so scared to weigh in after this weekend (incidentally, feeling like a "bad" anorexic is also why I've been a bit absent from the sub). I had people over like 3 nights in a row and whenever I host I end up preparing as much food as possible because I like to feel like my guests have options and are able to fully satiate themselves. I avoided most of the food myself, but after a few drinks I of course allowed myself to cheat a little. I didn't even weigh in yesterday because I didn't want my day ruined by a gain.

But I forced myself to step on the scale today because there's no way I can go more than a day not knowing where I stand, and I'm down to 108.6 lbs. I'm sitting here drinking a boullion cube in elated shock.

Sorry to rave and brag but I have no one else to share this with. I hope all of your weeks are going as wonderfully as mine is right now and that all of you lovelies get to feel as happy and content as I do in this moment. <3

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[Rant/Rave] Totally binged today...
/u/iyrme [5'7.5 | CW: 148 | SW: 179 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 03:31:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67fhll/totally_binged_today/
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BUT managed to confine the worst of it to (relatively) low cal seaweed salad. I ate such enormous quantities and apparently my body is so unused to that it's... Not staying in my digestive tract for very long, nor is anything else I ate in the last 24 hours. So yay, neutral? My body managed to work with me? I think? 😲 😳

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[Rant/Rave] It's finals week
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 110 | F | 👽]
Created: Tue Apr 25 02:49:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67fcg3/its_finals_week/
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I woke up at 4 am to make biscuits and instead ate the entire batch of dough, fuck me

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[Help] The smaller I get, the bigger my stomach seems...
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Tue Apr 25 01:40:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67f4ij/the_smaller_i_get_the_bigger_my_stomach_seems/
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Obviously, body dysmorphia is just kind of a thing, but I can't figure out what the hell is happening here!! When I weighed about 10 pounds more, I feel like my stomach/abdominal area seemed smaller than it does now? It's almost like something about my hip bones/ribs being more prominent is making my stomach seem "wide"?? Is there any logical science behind this, something about the proportions, or is it literally just a visual distortion from my own brain?! AHHHHH I hate it I literally have barely been able to look at myself lately...

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[Discussion] DAE worrying about other people's weight?
/u/krebsunicycle [5'7" | 114 lbs | 17.79 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 25 00:42:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ewu6/dae_worrying_about_other_peoples_weight/
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I know it's really hypocritical but I worry a lot when the people I know don't eat enough. Recently I've been concerned about my boyfriend. He acts really weird about food (skips meals and won't eat certain things) and he always uses my scale when he comes to my apartment. Sometimes I wonder if I'm projecting my issues onto him but I looked up his BMI and he's definitely underweight. I just want him to be healthy but at the same time I'm eating only cabbage all day and skipping meals too. Anyone else feel the hypocrisy with me?

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[Rant/Rave] Bitch pissed me off online. I'm going to get skinnier than her.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Tue Apr 25 00:14:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67et95/bitch_pissed_me_off_online_im_going_to_get/
---
Fuck it. I'm feeling rejuvenated. Apparently my being a lardbucket invalidates anything I have to say. I forgot. I'm retarded. I'll go back to my corner. Fuck everyone. This makes no sense. I'm pissed. I do my best work pissed. I'll do this.

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[Discussion] anyone ever get super drunk and out yourself
/u/bvvvg
Created: Mon Apr 24 23:54:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67eqcq/anyone_ever_get_super_drunk_and_out_yourself/
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im always soo desperate to tell people that i have an ed when im wasted. then when i wake up in the morning i want to die hahah

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[Intro] I just forget to eat.
/u/justme0989 [5'4" | CW 163? | Lady Lumps | 19F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 23:38:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67eo6x/i_just_forget_to_eat/
---
New here, thought I'd seek out like minds.
Former ednos, now just unhealthy eating habits.
Backstory: stress pushed me to develop bad eating/purging habits in the past, got past that. Then fell into binging habits while living with a SO. Got to be 190+ in a 5'4" frame.
Since moved out last summer, now looking at 163 (last checked several weeks ago) and dropping because I keep forgetting to eat.
I did it on purpose at first. Just not eat. Now I can't remember to eat until someone asks me what I ate that day.
Recently someone offered me food and I turned it down because I wasn't hungry. They asked what I had eaten that day. I hadn't. Cue them being mildly concerned. "Who forgets to eat?" You'd be surprised. I recently tried on an old pair of shorts from my heavier days (since the new season is approaching and I have nothing else to wear) and I could not keep them on without a belt.

Stats are

5'4"

19 F

Current weight: somewhere around/under 163.

Highest weight: 193

Goal weight: 145

Ultimate goal weight: 98


My biggest problem is my hips and breasts. I wear a 34 H cup and its a bit tight. My hips have that gross "muffin top" look to them. My legs are okay because they're big due to muscle. A bit of a point of pride for me, to be honest. If I could have thighs half my current size with the same muscle and strength, I'd be ecstatic.

Tl;dr I forget to eat and I've lost 30 pounds in about six months.

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[Discussion] I'm fasting, so naturally that means looking up delicious recipes and fantasizing about cooking them!
/u/LittleBlueEyes [29F/5'1", LW80, HW156.6, SW150, CW126.0, BMI24.86, GW110/BMI21.7]
Created: Mon Apr 24 23:02:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67eisj/im_fasting_so_naturally_that_means_looking_up/
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I'm fasting, so naturally that means looking up delicious recipes and fantasizing about cooking them!

Currently I'm at 78 hours calorie-free. (I'm not eating anything but I am drinking either diet Coke or Powerade Zero, both of which have no calories.)

I found some delicious recipes for homemade garlic bread and another recipe for cheese and PESTO toast! I adore garlic bread, adore cheese, and adore pesto even MORE. Plus my friend happened to send me a recipe for homemade pumpkin bread, and it's surprisingly not too high in calories! (I'm totally happy to share the recipes if anyone would actually like them.)

It's 12 midnight here, but Walmart is still open, and theoretically I could go and buy the ingredients to make one of those things. I'm honestly debating it.

Why do I torture myself by looking up delicious food during a fast??? Does anyone else do that, or is it just me?

EDIT: broke my fast at exactly 99 hours.

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[Other] I just want to die now
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Mon Apr 24 22:58:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ei5q/i_just_want_to_die_now/
---
For the first time in ages idgaf about losing weight, haven't weighed myself in a week. I just want to die. To stop existing. I have nobody left I can talk to, I hate everything about my life and nobody would even miss me that much. I don't think ill actually do anything drastic, but damn this place fucking sucks.

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[Discussion] Amount of Fat in One Pound? (Discussion)
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 22:27:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67edcl/amount_of_fat_in_one_pound_discussion/
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Alright so maybe I'm weird but I feel like I can lose a pound of weight with less than a deficit of 3,500 calories. I've tried looking online to see if that's accurate and I've gotten mixed results. I saw that it can be something like a 5,000 calorie deficit but that sounds way, way off. If my TDEE is 1800, and I only eat 800 calories I shouldn't lose a pound a day but I do. Like maybe it's just extra water loss? IDK but my weight doesn't really tend to go back up; I either maintain during binge periods or lose so I just wanna know if there's more to the story than just 3,500 calories = 1 pound

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[Rant/Rave] i might as well literally just eat my money
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Mon Apr 24 21:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67e7u9/i_might_as_well_literally_just_eat_my_money/
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https://i.redd.it/zv91n2a1hmty.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE read the thread in r /sex about petite women?
/u/yes2theaddress [5'8 | cgw:125 | -40 | f]
Created: Mon Apr 24 21:54:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67e7pc/dae_read_the_thread_in_r_sex_about_petite_women/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Almost collapsed after a run
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Mon Apr 24 21:35:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67e4jm/almost_collapsed_after_a_run/
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Just ran like 9 miles today and I came home feeling so dead. I feel like an emotionless zombie. Why do my muscles look bloated though? Probably because they're inflamed and more doctor mumbo jumbo. Anyway stay strong guys xx also I got runners high really bad.

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[Discussion] To weigh or not to weigh? Scale or no?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 21:16:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67e17a/to_weigh_or_not_to_weigh_scale_or_no/
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I have always been an anal scale weigher since I was 12 or so. But then I moved to college and didn't have one of my own. Part of lack knowledge of what my weight was I think motivated to stick to a routine without letting LW's or GW's justify going off plan. But then I bought a scale of my own last year and have weighed every day since until this week. I sent my scale home and thought I would "try to be normal" (lolololol). The not knowing drove me insane, I stressed, restricted, and then still ended up messing today again. I weight myself at home and I've gained. I could slap my past self for one minute I could not weigh myself and be fine. Clearly I can't. Any how I'm wondering if anyone here doesn't weigh everyday and if so why? For now I can't imagine life without doing it everyday.

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[Thinspo] Fave Thinspo is cig thinspo bc I'm a smoker.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Apr 24 21:15:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67e119/fave_thinspo_is_cig_thinspo_bc_im_a_smoker/
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https://i.redd.it/wz6oc760amty.jpg

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[Discussion] So, how many of us work in food service?
/u/saIad_days [5'3 | 106.2 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 20:35:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67dty3/so_how_many_of_us_work_in_food_service/
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I've noticed a LOT of people with EDs have a job in food, whether it's in a supermarket, fast food, serving, cooking, or studying something food-related. Even here whenever we bring up work it seems like the vast majority of the comments mention doing something food-related.

So, let's talk about our jobs! Is yours something food related (or otherwise sterotypically ED-related like fashion)? What drew you to it? Do you wish you had a different career?

I'm a dishwasher and line cook (at a teeny tiny little diner with a teeny tiny kitchen where we gotta cover more than one station) and I'm studying to be a dietitian. I think about food, calories, recipes, and nutrition constantly so I thought if I could make some money off my obsession, why not do it? My dream job is to be a dietitian working with Olympic competitors.

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling fantastic and so proud of myself!
/u/confetticupcake4
Created: Mon Apr 24 19:53:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67dm3t/feeling_fantastic_and_so_proud_of_myself/
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First of all, I'm on day 16 of being binge free! That's SIXTEEN days straight of absolutely ZERO bingeing. This is the longest period of time I've been binge free in YEARS!!! Except time in treatment last January-February but that doesn't count. Prior to this, the most I could get up to was 6 days and that was when I was trying my absolute hardest. Now it's getting so so so much easier and I'm ecstatic!
On top of that, I stayed under 300 cal today 😁
I'm prone to eating at night (a fellow member of this sub suggested I may have sleep-eating syndrome and I seem to fit the bill from what I read) so I have a small, tasty 180 cal spinach salad waiting in case I wake up and feel the need to eat. Then I'll still be under 500 cal.
Oh and I lost a 1.4 lb since Saturday :)
I feel wonderful!

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[Rant/Rave] "I can't believe you finished all of it!!"
/u/Vegan_mermaid [5'2" | 94 lb | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 19:44:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67dkb2/i_cant_believe_you_finished_all_of_it/
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So, first day of IOP.

Dinner for my meal plan level: turkey and cheddar sandwich with mayo or hummus, side salad with dressing, and cupcake for dessert.

I ate everything without needing a supplement or even to be encouraged or chided. I actually enjoyed it at times, even.

Afterwards my dietician quietly said, "Good job!" Because I'd been clearly panicking beforehand. Ok fine. Later, the therapist says to me, one-on-one, "I was so impressed that you came in on your own AND finished your meal AND dessert without supplementing on your first day; that's really hard and *almost no one does that*"

Immediately I started freaking out thinking how I'm not really sick and I could've dropped like half the cheese into my lap but I didn't and I wasn't even the last one to finish and ugh.

Later a fellow patient said the same thing to me.

Like clearly this is not a good thing to say to someone in treatment for an ED, right??? Especially on day one?

I never want to go back, I'm clearly not that sick and I enjoy food too much, too readily, too easily because deep down inside I really am just an insatiable glutton, and the only way to manage is to starve all day. Like I have been. So will everyone please leave me the fuck alone and let me keep doing what I'm doing; I'm not hurting anyone but myself and it's my body and my choice god damn it

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[Discussion] DAE Feel so much smaller and thinner after hardcore restricting for a day?
/u/e-gets-skinny [5ft11 | CW: 257.2 | HW: 295 | GW: 130 | -37.8 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Apr 24 19:13:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67de4g/dae_feel_so_much_smaller_and_thinner_after/
---
Today was the first day I broke out of a bit of a binge cycle and was able to keep my calories down, and...I know it's not *actually* physically showing yet, but it sure feels like it is. That is to say, I've found that on days like today, I feel way skinnier than I do on days when I eat 1500+ kcal. It might be my clothes, since I chose a flattering outfit today, but my fingers look longer and thinner, and my wrists seem slimmer.

DAE get this when they successfully restrict?

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[Rant/Rave] Purged and gave myself a sore throat.
/u/Bubbline
Created: Mon Apr 24 19:09:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ddd5/purged_and_gave_myself_a_sore_throat/
---
A sore throat that now includes swollen lymph nodes, a cough, a fever, and a migraine. If I have to miss work because I had to go and binge...ugh. I didn't even think this was possible.

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[Rant/Rave] Didn't sneak anything today!
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Mon Apr 24 19:06:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67dcxl/didnt_sneak_anything_today/
---
I guess this is counts as a rave. I'm super pleased with myself today. The only extra thing I had was 2 pieces of dark chocolate! Didn't stray from my calorie count, and running even negated some calories. So happy with myself for not fucking up like I usually do. Here's to hoping for a lucky week of weight loss!!! Hope everyone had a decent Monday ❤

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[Rant/Rave] Fallen into another binge cycle.
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Mon Apr 24 18:57:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67db4b/fallen_into_another_binge_cycle/
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Started vaping at a low level nic (0-6mg) in an attempt to curb my appetite, stopped taking Sudafed every day because it was losing its effect. My appetite cannot be tamed. I've really been craving sweets and carbs and it is extremely difficult to say no. I feel a lot more dense and I've been too scared to weigh myself or wear tight clothing for a few days. I just want my control back.

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[Help] help me get back on track?
/u/bovidaes [5'5 | 20 y/o | -30 lbs | 23.8 | CGW: 125]
Created: Mon Apr 24 18:12:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67d245/help_me_get_back_on_track/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Back to work!
/u/AngelicZero [5'5.5"| Hate It | High | -33 lbs | GW:115 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 18:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67d1um/back_to_work/
---
Which means back to walking 3 hours a day. :)

I also ate the rest of my easy to make food yesterday so if I wanna eat I have to cook. My brain keeps wanting me to go to the store to get something easy or to get fast food. I'm not leaving the house though! If I wanna eat I better cook. So, hopefully I just don't eat at all.

(This gets a little dark... I'm sorry.)

Sometimes I do genuinely hate myself. It's a weird feeling because I don't but I do. I just want to punish myself. Like I know I can buy very filling, low calorie foods but some days I don't want to even eat them. I want to FEEL hungry. It's nice to feel weak and tired. Standing up and feeling like you're going to fall over feels good, but sometimes the added pain of my stomach being empty really does it for me. All the emotional pain I feel gets to be pushed aside because right now I am feeling physical pain...

I just wish it was easier to tell people irl these things. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's okay to feel this way. That it will all pass and I'm not alone...

Sometimes I imagine if I did tell someone though they'd just laugh because I'm overweight so who cares? Which is nuts because every time someone in my life finds out they are concerned- never happy or encouraging. I think my mind just feeds me these sick fantasies to keep me going? To hurt me? I do not know.

I hope you're all having a better mental health day than me.

---

[Thinspo] Training like a "superhero"
/u/surrrealdeal [5ft | CW: 123.5 LW: 107 GW: 114 | 24.1 | -18.5 |]
Created: Mon Apr 24 17:41:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67cvzt/training_like_a_superhero/
---
https://youtu.be/okM3OYaBQGg

---

[Thinspo] Summer thinspo for you lovelies. Enjoy!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 17:11:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67cq0m/summer_thinspo_for_you_lovelies_enjoy/
---
https://imgur.com/a/WPdqo

---

[Other] [other] Has anyone ever seen or tried these before??
/u/thirdocean
Created: Mon Apr 24 16:24:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67cg7c/other_has_anyone_ever_seen_or_tried_these_before/
---
https://i.redd.it/80i1t2b0ukty.jpg

---

[Help] Ques Bars have become my only safe food..
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 16:01:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67cbcd/ques_bars_have_become_my_only_safe_food/
---
I? I'm honestly so scared of eating anything else. And these things are so goddamn expensive, I don't know what to do now... How do I get myself to eat other foods? I'm just so scared, because quest bars have all the protein and fiber I need, and it just doesn't seem worth it to eat other foods. Or are there any other bars high in protein AND fiber?

---

[Rant/Rave] Bul-come Back Bulimia
/u/StuDented
Created: Mon Apr 24 15:53:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67c9l9/bulcome_back_bulimia/
---
Two nights, two purges after dinner. Funnily, I wouldn't class them as being post binge; the dinners were in the realms of normal size, greedy but 'normal'... but I purged because I couldn't stand the food in me any more. Like I'm always on the verge of exploding anyway, so why not in the form of vomiting? All your skinny sounding voices are getting in my head - I'm probably not supposed to say that? But frankly, it feels better than the absence of a voice I've had in my head for so long.

I miss who I was when I was 'anorexic' (I was really always ana/mia). I had drive, I had motivation. I felt like I was someone. I could set goals and could stick to them. I knew how to spend a day productively. I looked fabulous. I wasn't a mess - or rather, I wasn't an obvious mess; I wasn't a pathetic fat mess like I am now. I want that person back. She could've done something with her life.

Sorry, just felt the need to offload, and this felt like the most appropriate place.

---

[Discussion] Cooking ALL. THE. FOODS.
/u/FivesCeleryStalk [5'8" | Gross | GW: Happiness | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 15:29:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67c42n/cooking_all_the_foods/
---
So one of my hobbies is cooking. Watching cooking shows, reading cookbooks, creating and adapting recipes, having more kitchen gadgets than any human could possibly want, and cooking some more. Supposedly, I am damn good at it.

I'm in the middle of a restriction phase. Or trying to be since I fail at night. And today I've had the brilliant idea that I should try out some new attachments for my stand mixer, and make some mozzarella sticks and a few other things. I know very well I won't eat any of this. I know very well that if I do it will be at night and I will probably purge it. Or c/s it but sometimes what's the difference?

I've wondered how many of us here are cooking enthusiasts, how many of us spend crazy amounts of time being wrapped up in recipes and food and cooking and half wanting to see what we can do but half wondering how strong our will is when we make something we know is truly delicious, how many of us use cooking as not just a life skill that can help impress others and feed people, but also as a means to test our dedication.

Anyone else like this? Like me?

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo: Alexis Ren
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Mon Apr 24 15:20:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67c29q/thinspo_alexis_ren/
---
https://i.redd.it/xkrlvuoqikty.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] When you're binging away and promising yourself tomorrow will be better.
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |111lbs |19.43 |-23 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 15:14:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67c0ug/when_youre_binging_away_and_promising_yourself/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Miracle Noodles - any tips?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Mon Apr 24 13:51:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67bhiq/miracle_noodles_any_tips/
---
I'm going to be trying these again - I tried them out a few years ago and couldn't get over the texture. Any tips for how to prepare them better? I was going to use the seasoning from ramen to kind of make a ramen replacement. I have the angel hair kind.

---

[Discussion] Trader Joe's suggestions?
/u/babyymoonbeam [5'3 |CW 118|SW 142|f 22]
Created: Mon Apr 24 13:45:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67bfxi/trader_joes_suggestions/
---
Anyone have recommendations for low cal items at TJ's? I feel like it could be a good place to shop, but I rarely go because I get slightly overwhelmed by all the goodness and cute packaging but for the love of all that is holy and thin please help me avoid the cookie butter and fried mac & cheese balls I so often turn to in moments of weakness

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] feeling like shit, can't stop binging
/u/urixu [5'2" | GW: 100 | M]
Created: Mon Apr 24 13:42:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67bfdg/rant_feeling_like_shit_cant_stop_binging/
---
I've known I have an ED since around 2015 but when I think about it I've shown signs of it since maybe 2011 or 2012. It always ends with me fucking up and gaining back all I've lost plus some more, and I'm tired of it. All I want is to look alright, feel good about myself for once and not live on junk food. Food is an all or nothing thing for me. Either I restrict or I eat 2000+ calories a day. When I'm in binge mode it seems impossible to go back too, I'm sick of it.

The thing is, this time it started out as just dieting. Simple, easy, good healthy foods no candy dieting. Stayed that way for two months just fine and then something happened and I ended up here. Fun. I want to be back there, where I can eat without feeling guilty and just estimate calories to around 800 and that's it. No all-day thinking about food or how I can avoid food.

Tuesday last week, first day after easter I easily went back to restricting, even going lower than usual and ate around 600 a day every day last week. Then sunday came and I screwed up. Ate 2000, decided tomorrow is a new day and that I'd go back to restricting. I don't really know what triggered it, though my mental health hasn't been the best lately so it's either that or the fact that I binged the five last days of easter and then went back to restricting.

Today I didn't eat breakfast, then had 200 for dinner. Ate some ice cream next, another 200. Went to the store to buy some food with an 800 calorie limit for the day in mind, raised it to 1400 while browsing the store thinking that would keep me at around TDEE. I bought ice cream, hard candies and a candy bar totaling at 1000 and if I had managed to just eat that I'd be ok. Problem is, I ate probably 500 more on top of that. 1900 calories in a day with only 200 being actual food.

I'm too low mentally to cook, the only things I want to eat are shit food with no nutrients that I know I shouldn't eat because they make me feel bad afterwards. I don't have the motivation to shower, fix my hair, put on clean clothes... I crave junk food and sugar and eating salad won't help that. It feels like nothing will. My sugar addiction is worse than my nicotine addiction and I have no idea how to quit or at least eat less. Summer is coming up, I'll see my skinny friends and I want to be able to hang out with them without feeling like I can fit all three of them inside my body. I want to take back control while I'm still able to and not gain back all my progress. This is way too long if you read this all I'm sorry for you.

Writing it all out helped a bit, thanks to this sub for existing.

---

[Goal] Im going vegan!
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 12:51:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67b3gl/im_going_vegan/
---
I know that veganism is very healthy and helpful when losing weight, plus it gives me a reason not to eat with the rest of my family when I am restricting/fasting. Does anyone know of any good vegan foods that are low calorie? Fruits and veggies obviously, but like "snack" foods for when I start to crave? Thanks!

---

[Rant/Rave] nicotine cravings + period = terrible decisions
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Mon Apr 24 12:42:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67b1a8/nicotine_cravings_period_terrible_decisions/
---
I quit vaping nicotine last week and just started my period two days ago. oh, I also quit caffeine. I quit nicotine and caffeine for health reasons and can't just start back up again. I also quit added sugar and gluten. I was doing really well for a while and lost a fair amount of weight fairly quickly but then I had to eat normally for a week and I can't seem to get back to restricting. it was feeling really easy to me for a while, almost like the glory days of when I first had an ED. I felt in control and great. but right now I am overwhelmed with these junk food cravings.

I normally eat pretty healthy--all plant-based and mostly whole foods. yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed by cravings and I tried stuffing myself with healthy food but it didn't make the cravings go away. I was stuffed to the brim with healthy food and still craving chips. I was feeling like if I didn't get some junk food, I was going to buy cigarettes. I can't go back to the nicotine so I decided it would be better to give in to the food cravings, since that's easier to make up for later. I ate a bag of bbq quinoa chips and a bag of earth balance "white cheddar" puffs. I also ate a box of almond flour crackers. and a few tbsp of peanut butter. I don't even want to know how many calories. it's my first binge in a long time. I'm so disappointed in myself. I just want these period cravings to go away so I can go back to eating really clean and healthy and losing. I thought I was done with binges for good. it's seriously been a long time- maybe years? like, I've over-eaten, but not binged like that. I thought I was past that and that it wouldn't happen this relapse. I had barely even been restricting the couple weeks prior to this. I need to get back under control.

I woke up this morning and ate a bunch of tortilla chips. so much for starting fresh. I'm going to try to make up for it the rest of the day by just eating healthy. I don't think I can restrict this week...the period cravings, the nicotine and caffeine thing...I think it'll just be impossible. I'm going to TRY to eat enough healthy food and hope that that helps me get things under control. I'm not going to buy any more junk food.

I hope I can get back to where I was. I just need one of those moments where everything clicks and you feel like things are right again. once I've gotten more distance from quitting nicotine and caffeine, it should get easier. I don't think I'll reach my summer goal in time...but I have like 8 months to lose 30 lbs. that's nothing! I can do that. I hope. of course, I've been trying to lose these 30 lbs for years. and keep losing some and then gaining it back. I really thought I was in the right place FINALLY to accomplish it for good.

sorry, I just needed to vent.

I could use some words of encouragement. I can do it, right? I can get through this week and quit these addictions and then I can get back in the driver's seat and lose like a champ. the next two months will be a lot easier to lose weight than once my fiance's summer break starts, since I'll have a lot of alone time. if I could just lose 15 lbs before the end of june, I would be so happy. PLEASE BELIEVE IN ME

---

[Rant/Rave] An old favorite food turned traitor on me!!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Mon Apr 24 12:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67axgy/an_old_favorite_food_turned_traitor_on_me/
---
Welp, it's official I can't eat "normal" amounts of food anymore. I ate something that was one of my favorite meals maybe 5 or 6 years ago, something I ate all the time, same portion and everything and bam! My body gets all fucked up and rejectes everything. Thus, no more steak burritos from chipotle. I'm talking horrible tummy aches, cramps, headaches, massive gastro intestinal issues with constipation and diarrhea, plus vomiting. Non of which was induced. My body just fliped out. I've been sick for two days because I indulged in one meal I used to eat all the time just for just lunch. Never again.



Anyone else find this to be true? Try eating something that was a favorite meal only to realize you can't eat it anymore?

---

[Discussion] What should i eat to avoid bloat in the morning? I'm going shopping tomorrow
/u/taeyeons-comrade [5'6" | 126 | 20.3 | F ☕]
Created: Mon Apr 24 12:23:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67awns/what_should_i_eat_to_avoid_bloat_in_the_morning/
---
Obviously, it's too late to lose any weight but I'm going in the morning and my stomach is usually flatter in the morning before I've eaten anything. Is there any particular kind of foods or I should eat to ensure I have as little bloat as possible when I wake up tomorrow?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] My boss still has a lot of ~feelings~ about her calories and mine
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Mon Apr 24 12:19:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67avim/rant_my_boss_still_has_a_lot_of_feelings_about/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Exercise and vyvanse
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 119 | 19.8/20.3 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 12:07:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67asob/exercise_and_vyvanse/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Put on a belt today...
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 11:59:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67aqv0/put_on_a_belt_today/
---
...it's about four inches too big for me!! I am both so happy that I've lost so much weight and also disgusted that once upon a time I could use it. I might post a photo later if I get enough courage but I just wanted to share :)

---

Gray
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 24 11:19:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ah7e/gray/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Should I tell my boss the truth?
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 114lb | 18.4 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 11:14:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67ag05/should_i_tell_my_boss_the_truth/
---
I had a rocky weekend. I ate A LOT of crap and couldn't purge because I was with a guy I like the whole time. We also drank a lot. I gained 2-3lb. But I digress...

Damage control last night - I took laxatives in a desperate attempt to deal with my pregnant belly. This morning I was keeling over in pain. So much so that I had to call in sick to work. This isn't the first time I've had to call in sick because of how shitty I am at looking after myself. Either from laxative misuse or wanting to die because of my hideousness. (One time I even skipped work because I wanted to (and obsessed about) spend the day b/p-ing.)

So I suppose it's fair enough that my manager is concerned. We work in a small store and the whole team is pretty tight. Today when I called in sick she said I could take the day off but I had to go to hospital to find out what is causing this illness. I said ok...

Obviously I didn't go to the hospital but now I don't have a clue what to tell her tomorrow.

I need help. What do I say? Does anyone think I should tell her the truth? Or should I say I went to the hospital and it is something else? What else could it even be??

Please, any advise at all.

Edit: thank you everyone. All the advise I have received has been super helpful. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I feel a lot calmer after reading everyone's words of wisdom.

---

[Thinspo] Summer
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Mon Apr 24 10:41:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67a82u/summer/
---
http://imgur.com/a/V66YR

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[Rant/Rave] I have to go to the dentist :(
/u/YourChinaDoll
Created: Mon Apr 24 10:30:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67a59a/i_have_to_go_to_the_dentist/
---
I've avoided going to the dentist for four years, which I know is probably way worse and it definitely doesn't help that I'm bulimic and also love diet soda. But I think I have a cavity. I'm so scared, I always just break down and sob whenever I get confronted with any kind of medical professional. The last time I went to the doctor was only because someone told me I needed to get tested, and even then I cried so much the doctor brought in a nurse to hold my hand. It's so embarrassing, I'm 21 FCS. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for in this post but thanks for listening.

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[Rant/Rave] Welp, I'm screwed
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 24 10:25:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67a44a/welp_im_screwed/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] No matter how thin I get, I can't fix my face
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 10:16:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67a224/no_matter_how_thin_i_get_i_cant_fix_my_face/
---
I binged because of this thought. I just wanna isolate myself forever, because ugly is all I'm gonna be. I just wanna be liked. Why can't I starve my disgusting face, why can't I lessen my cheeks and nose, and why can't I change my body type? Why do I have to be a girl and now that I do have to be, why did I have to be such a disgusting one?

---

[Rant/Rave] Went into hiding because I couldn't stop binging. I'm back and I hate myself
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 24 10:03:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679z1d/went_into_hiding_because_i_couldnt_stop_binging/
---
So I dropped off the radar because I was too embarrassed to get back on this sub after stuffing my face so shamelessly this week. I was away for three days at one spot and then took a weekend trip to visit a friend, and I had a plan. I had one. But it was too challenging for me to refuse food when we were being wined & dined by our hosts and it triggered all levels of compulsive eating. I spent 5 days eating like that, came home and just kept eating. I had an entire strawberry shortcake (at least 4 servings) BY MYSELF. It wasn't a lack of self-control or self-awareness. I heard myself say 'dude, wtf, what about your goals' and the answer that came back was something to the effect of 'you can't reach that goal anyway, yolo, who cares.'

Anyway, my scale is saying I gained 7lbs. I know that's implausible, but I just feel like I keep putting myself in a position to spin my wheels endlessly while I gain and lose the same lbs. Why can't I refuse food? What is wrong with me?

I'm basically committing to caffeine and water this week. I can't deal with this setback. I'm so ashamed of myself. There are so many weird compulsive neurotic issues I have that makes me hate myself so much, but this one literally ruins my life one binge at a time. I can't be happy about anything else going on in my life while I'm fucking up on this.

---

[Discussion] Anyone have any good print outs?
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 140.3lb | 20.35 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 09:56:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679x4x/anyone_have_any_good_print_outs/
---
I remember last year a few people had posted different print outs that they use to stay motivated or track progress. Anyone have a link or one that they like to use? Recently have my own private space again and I'd like to have some things to look at to keep me on track.

---

[Help] Have you had success by dropping the scale? [Help]
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Mon Apr 24 09:18:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679oik/have_you_had_success_by_dropping_the_scale_help/
---
Currently I weigh myself every morning and most evenings before bed. I'm thinking about dropping my weigh in to once a week. Has anyone else had successful weight loss without measuring every day? I don't want to get back into the habit of self-destructing every time I hit a goal, but in the past every time I stop waiting I tend to get into a cycle of overeating.

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[Rant/Rave] My mom keeps telling me stories about anorexics lol help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 24 09:12:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679n31/my_mom_keeps_telling_me_stories_about_anorexics/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] I logged into an old MFP account where I am friends with my IRL weight rival and now I can see everything she's logging!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 24 09:05:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679lkg/rave_i_logged_into_an_old_mfp_account_where_i_am/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Binged-watched The Royals this weekend and Alexandra Park is my new Thinspo
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 140.3lb | 20.35 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 08:54:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679j4x/bingedwatched_the_royals_this_weekend_and/
---
http://imgur.com/a/nxX2G

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Massive burger binge
/u/Vanillacoke0 [5'9" | 153 | 22.9 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 08:35:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679eug/rant_massive_burger_binge/
---
So I ran a marathon on Sunday and was using that as motivation cut my calories and not to purge.

I had to carb load 3 days before otherwise the run wouldn't have been fun atall.

First day of carb loading was tough... had to distract myself from going to the bathroom and throwing it all up.

Marathon went fine and really enjoyed it!

However right now im struggling... my usual routine is to go to the gym in the morning and have first meal past 3pm.

Can't go to the gym for a few days and I have a massive blister on my foot so don't want to over do it.

Instead I go for a burger lunch (havent eaten a burger all year)
I justify it as I need food for my body to recover quicker, which made sense.
But it was just ridiculous the amount I ate.

2 burgers, truffle cheese chips, onion rings and a banana milkshake.

I felt fine at first but the feeling of being full was too much and I had to go to the bathroom to purge.

Going to stock up on vegetables and hopefully feel less gross.

---

[Discussion] Fat burners
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 157 | GW 120 | -19 | 22F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 08:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/679b5s/fat_burners/
---
Even considering taking these goes against everything I've ever said but my fiance is taking fat burners and says they pretty much stop his appetite. I'm in the UK so can't EC stack. Has anyone tried anything similar? Here are the ingredients:


Caffeine Anhydrous 175mg


Green Coffee Blend 150mg


Bitter Orange Extract 125mg


Scutellaria Lateriflora 25mg


Paullinia Cupana 25mg

---

[Rant/Rave] My recovery body is not my body
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Mon Apr 24 07:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/678zjt/my_recovery_body_is_not_my_body/
---
I'm so sick of this body, I can't stand looking at myself anymore. I can't feel at home in my own body anymore and it's driving me fucking crazy! I see all of these happy body posi girls in recovery and feel like I'm failing... I just want to go back to my anorexia and call it a day.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I gained 15 lbs since moving
/u/idontwannadiepls
Created: Mon Apr 24 06:59:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/678vhb/rant_i_gained_15_lbs_since_moving/
---
I want to cry. I feel so fucking disgusting and awful, I dont understand how I let this happen. I was 112 lbs when I moved across the country and now I am 135. I told myself I would never get to the 130s again but I fucking did it. I have been emotionally eating so much lately but its time to stop now. I need to get rid of these 15 lbs before I go back to my hometown in June.

Sigh. So far I have eaten about 300 cals which was a bowl of cereal. Im gonna try to fast the rest of today.

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A April 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 24 06:06:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/678mbm/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_april_24_2017/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 24 06:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/678m10/weekly_stats_update_april_24_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 24, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 24, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 24 06:04:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/678m0b/daily_food_diary_april_24_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Intro] Coming back from recovery and I'm almost overweight.
/u/loser_town [4'11.5" | CW: 108.2 | GW2: 105lbs | WL: -9.4lbs | 22.72 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 24 05:39:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/678hyr/coming_back_from_recovery_and_im_almost_overweight/
---
I posted on /r/confession yesterday about wanting to relapse back into my eating disorder and I got a comment (now removed) about how gorgeous my LW was, and that I should check out this community. It basically spurred me to step on my scale after months of not checking. I'm​ almost overweight. It feels devastating. One more pound and I'd be overweight. I've used the new BMI calculator before, but I always thought my healthy weight range was bigger. Like I could weigh a little more before bordering the overweight territory. I don't know, I guess it was a wake-up call.

I'm not upset with the person who made the comment, even though it might not be a good thing for me to want to lose weight. I'm actually thankful, to be honest. I had made plans to ask for my doctor for a referral to a therapist, but I think I might hold off on that. My life might be spiralling out of control, but dammit, my weight won't be.

Anyway, I guess this is my introduction post. My username is a reference to a website I used to use to project potential weight loss, but you can call me Tuesday. Yes, my name is a day of the week. My parents were hippies. I don't think I have a goal weight, but maybe I'll stop once I feel less disgusting.

So, yeah. Hi, guys!

---

I'm so mad right now I'm shaking.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 24 04:28:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67880t/im_so_mad_right_now_im_shaking/
---
[removed]

---

[Goal] Just ran at 5:30 AM!!!
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Mon Apr 24 03:57:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6783xg/just_ran_at_530_am/
---
I just ran this morning!!! I started that C25K and actually ran. In the morning. I made myself get up to do this. Usually I do some random exhausting workout after school (graduating in 2 months!) but I'm actually really awake and happy I decided to workout before getting ready. I think my new goal is pushing myself to do this every morning!! Plus I had a bad Sunday after the family BBQ (around 3000 cals I assume) but this is a new week. Any goals you guys have in regards to working out?

---

[Goal] Trying to loosen the reigns
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Mon Apr 24 02:37:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/677ucd/trying_to_loosen_the_reigns/
---
On mobile

This weekend I was studying for a SUPER complicated finance exam and needed to be on my A-game so I ate just under maintenance - like 500 deficit on each day (a walk, like a lot).

This week I'm trying something new:

I'm trying to eat what I want (within 800 calories) when I feel like it. I feel like that will start to help me not freak out when I encounter foods that are currently outside of my strict, rigid "safe" regime. Even though it's still super restrictive I feel like this could add some mental flexibility.

Have a wonderful week you beautiful humans. ❤

---

[Tip] harm reduction guide for people who purge
/u/gl0winthedarkstars
Created: Sun Apr 23 23:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6779h1/harm_reduction_guide_for_people_who_purge/
---
https://medium.com/@steviecee/someone-on-my-facebook-wants-my-friends-to-die-and-here-is-how-i-know-b201c812f64f

---

[Rant/Rave] "You're so bony!"
/u/lululights
Created: Sun Apr 23 23:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67771n/youre_so_bony/
---
What my boyfriend said to me today as I sat in his lap. I've never been happier.

(No flair - mobile; rant!)

---

[Rant/Rave] Diving headfirst into recovery.. again! It's a good thing this time.
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sun Apr 23 21:59:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/676tut/diving_headfirst_into_recovery_again_its_a_good/
---
Hey. I've been on here for a good few months now! I've tried and failed to recover before but yeah.. I think I'm serious this time.

I had a good 2500 calories overall today. Solid, healthy foods. A good portion of dinner. Some dessert. Made and shared a snack with my sister. I didn't count (!!) just an estimate. It wasn't a binge. It was just me eating food, not numbers. Giving myself nutrition, not guilt.

I'm still wanting to lose, but the healthy way. I'm not going over my TDEE (1700) but I'm not going under 1200. I don't care how slow it takes. I'm gonna do it y'all.

I love you guys. I hope in the best way I don't see y'all again. I hope you guys find peace somewhere too. I haven't yet.. but I'm searching for it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Developing food intolerances has made me want to stop eating.
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 21:41:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/676qxy/developing_food_intolerances_has_made_me_want_to/
---
[removed]

---

[Goal] 1800 calories over my 300 calorie goal today. UGH.
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Sun Apr 23 20:49:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/676ibc/1800_calories_over_my_300_calorie_goal_today_ugh/
---
On the bright side, I divided that by 5 which is only 360 calories for 5 days, which is only a 45 minute jog on the treadmill. A binge does NOT mean it's the end of the world. And I had 3 birthday cake ice cream sandwiches today that were so good I can't even feel bad about it.

But I don't eat so I don't have to go to the gym because I'd rather lay in bed on Reddit so while I got to enjoy all the yummy food I had today I am definitely not doing this again for a whiilllleeee because I don't want to have to go to the gym 5x in a week 😑😩

Hope everyone had a good weekend 💜

---

[Rant/Rave] It just makes me so angry
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 125 | -9 lbs ]
Created: Sun Apr 23 20:21:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/676dk6/it_just_makes_me_so_angry/
---
Like it's a rage almost. This entire week I've been keeping myself at about 600 calories or so each day. Today I've had about 300 and I wanted to treat myself to some chips. I made some offhand remark about how I didn't really want to eat a different, caloric mind field of a dish my mom had in the fridge tonight. And she just looked at me and was like "It's not like chips are diet material, that's lots of calories!" Something in me just kinda short circuited and my appetite rock bottomed, hell it just reversed itself. I ended up throwing away the chips and now I'm stewing in almost red hot rage right now I feel so fucking stupid. It was just chips. She doesn't even realize I've been restricting to hell and back, she probably thinks I eat a lot. Little does she know that about 70% never even goes past my fucking mouth. Like yeah I did want to eat these chips because my stomach's always empty and it finally started gnawing tonight. Guess I won't be eating anything.


She says this kind of stuff but then proceeds to down Coke after Coke, make everything in huge portions and drench it all in oil. Today she consumed a sandwich a little less than 800 calories all in one go. I don't want to hear about calories from her, who rejects the very fact of CICO but then complains about how she gains so much weight and can never lose and how she's practically obese. I'm the one who KNOWS about calories, I'm the one who's been losing weight, and I'm the one who doesn't comment shit all about what other people put or don't put in their mouths when my diet isn't even healthy.


On one hand, thanks, this is just another reminder of my weight and fat and every thing wrong with me. She won't even realize that just one sentence is gonna push me to restrict even harsher and be harder on myself. These types of people don't even realize what they're edging on. Now 600 calories will turn into a fast probably for this week and she won't be any the wiser to the damage. All because of some fucking chips.

---

[Discussion] Favorite workouts?
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Sun Apr 23 19:30:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6764gr/favorite_workouts/
---
I was just wondering if you guys had any favorite workout routines/videos that you followed. I want to get into a more regular schedule of workout activities but I'm super sporadic and random most workouts.

---

[Rant/Rave] When anxiety is mistaken for vanity
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 110lb |F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 19:29:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67645j/when_anxiety_is_mistaken_for_vanity/
---
I don't obsess over my looks and feel all the eyes are on me the second I step outside because I think I'm hot shit, it's because I feel I'm such a disgusting fat mess and everyone will judge me.

Don't mistake my anxiety and insecure behaviors with vanity, goddammit.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo @kimiperi on ig.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Apr 23 19:05:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/675zxi/daily_thinspo_kimiperi_on_ig/
---
https://i.redd.it/kbwjrfpxhety.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Restaurant that I go to every week just took my only safe food off the menu!! Next lowest option is over 900 calories more!! 😰
/u/Clarl020 [5ft2 | CW: 106lbs | GW: 93(?)lbs | BMI: 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 19:04:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/675zq8/restaurant_that_i_go_to_every_week_just_took_my/
---
There's this restaurant near me that does half priced food on a Monday, so you can get a starter and a main for under £10. I go with my roommates every week because it's cheap, plus it's nice to get out of the house. The menu has always been kinda bad for me, not many options. That's not even my ED taking, the menu is just kinda plain and boring. I'm a vegetarian and they have only a few (I think 4???) veggie options 😔

However I am not DREADING tomorrow as I just checked the website and they've taken my only safe food there off of the menu... it was these kimchi bun things that were 400 calories... and then I normally have this ramen thing that's 650 calories. So a revolting 1050 calories total bit at least it's still below my TDEE. I eat 800 calories every day, except from Monday where I eat 1200, which i hate but again, at least it's still below my TDEE.

The second lowest option for me is 1300 calories, but it's mushroom and I hate hate HATE mushroom... there literally isn't anything lower... even a veggie burger is fucking 1500 calories!!! And then it's another 1200 for fucking fries!! Which I never eat but still, this place is so fucking calorific. How the hell do i get out of this. I can't use the "sorry I'm broke" excuse as student loan has just come in. I can't use the "sorry I'm busy" one either as it's every week and I can't be busy every single week :(

I hate myself when I go 1 calorie over my fucking limit, yet alone the thousand that tomorrow will be. Why the hell did they change their menu? I think I'm about to start fucking crying I have no way to get out of this!!!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do I always feel so large?
/u/That_feal
Created: Sun Apr 23 18:08:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/675paw/why_do_i_always_feel_so_large/
---
No matter how much weight I lose I always feel like a bigger girl, and it only gets worse with gaining. I feel like I have a "ghost belly" where I sense fat but nothing is really there. Any one else experience something similar?

---

[Discussion] DAE hope they're taller than they think they are, so that they'll have a lower BMI?
/u/iamthedonquixote [5'5" | CW:115 | 19.1 | GW: 109 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 17:58:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/675ngl/dae_hope_theyre_taller_than_they_think_they_are/
---
I desperately wish I am actually 5'6". If I was, I'd have just a barely underweight BMI. I really hope I've grown over the past few months, and don't know it.

Does anyone else think this?

---

These taste AMAZING and half a bag is only 70 calories WITH SAUCE
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 23 15:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/674zoc/these_taste_amazing_and_half_a_bag_is_only_70/
---
https://i.redd.it/6k7u4eznjdty.jpg

---

[Discussion] WaterFast = Stomach shrinkage = No BINGING 🚫
/u/w4tercup
Created: Sun Apr 23 15:28:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/674uq3/waterfast_stomach_shrinkage_no_binging/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] I just got soylent.
/u/jamaicanoproblem [F 5'4"|CW 207#|GW 140|HW 225.5|LW 127]
Created: Sun Apr 23 14:16:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/674fun/i_just_got_soylent/
---
I'm not sure how I feel about it. It smells kinda gross. I was hoping I might be able to divide the nutritional aspect of food from the emotional/social aspect by sort of making a decision: I have eaten all the nutrients I need today. Anything more than this is your *choice* to be a fatass. But I am not sure I could drink this and mostly-only this every day.

Maybe it would be better through a straw?

---

[Rant/Rave] Been binging this entire weekend
/u/imnevergold [5'6.5 | 117.6 | 18.68 | -15 | F |]
Created: Sun Apr 23 13:58:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/674cao/been_binging_this_entire_weekend/
---
I've literally eaten like 4 veggie hot dogs and a veggie burger today and ate 5 double stuffed oreos, ramen, and a mango yesterday. I hate myself. I'm going to fast for as long as I can. The longer the better. I don't care anymore. I hate being fat, I hate it. I can't wait to move out and not eat for as long as I want. I want to fit into my xs skirts again, I want to not hate the way my stomach sticks out. I hate all of this so much.

---

[Other] self portraits. i hate my body and face. i feel like i deserve to starve and suffer
/u/freakdonut
Created: Sun Apr 23 13:54:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/674bgg/self_portraits_i_hate_my_body_and_face_i_feel/
---
https://i.redd.it/34armo2fycty.jpg

---

[Discussion] That's It bars?
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sun Apr 23 13:19:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67446e/thats_it_bars/
---
So there's this brand Starbucks sells called that's it. And basically it says that this fruit bar is just made of 1 mango and 1 apple and nothing else. I believe that, but it also says it's only 100 calories. How can a whole apple and a whole mango be 100 cals?? Are they lying?? I'm freaking out rn.

---

[Rant/Rave] I gained weight on the holidays and I'm so pissed
/u/mrcolon96 [9kg lost]
Created: Sun Apr 23 13:07:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6741ln/i_gained_weight_on_the_holidays_and_im_so_pissed/
---
Seriously. I had lost 7 fucking kilos already before going home for the holidays two weeks ago. I was only *one* week there and when I weighted myself (monday, this week) I gained 4 kilos back.

I tried *a lot* of laxatives on wednesday (one and a half big bottles of milk of magnesia) and everything hurt that day but I didn't lose a significant amount of weight. I'm feeling so frustrated.

I've been weighting myself daily since then and I've only lost half a fucking kilo. Like are you even serious?

Oh and last night I binged/purged three times. But like, huge binges and then purge. It seems like I haven't gained that half kilo I lost yet but I have horrible dark circles around my eyes. Fuck.

---

[Rant/Rave] "You look like a movie star."
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.6 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.4 lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 23 11:49:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/673ld4/you_look_like_a_movie_star/
---
So I had a really bad week following Easter. I got the comment I was craving from my family--the "you've lost weight. You look great!" comment. And it was as if all my willpower evaporated and I just... binged on Easter candy. And then I got stuck in a binge cycle until Friday morning.

Friday evening, I was getting coffee with friends and in my head, I was planning just "one last" binge. I was really set to do it, even though I'm completely broke--that is until a friend of a friend who I was just meeting told me I look like a movie star. The urge to binge completely disappeared and I was pulled out of the binge cycle in that moment. I've been fasting since then and I feel like all of my resolve/control has returned.

I hate that I found myself binging again in the first place because I hadn't done it for weeks and then the fact that I let it get so out of control (5 days!!!).

Worse still, I hate that vanity is the variable of my personality that most effectively disrupts a binge. It's not that binging is fucking stupid, or that it's wasteful, or gluttonous, or illogical. It's not that I pathetically lie or steal food from roommates during an episode. And it's not that I just feel horrible physically and emotionally and mentally after binging. The thought that stops a binge is that people won't think I'm pretty anymore if I get any fatter. I just feel so shallow.

---

[Help] What should I eat after a 7000 cal binge to prevent another?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 11:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/673hmd/what_should_i_eat_after_a_7000_cal_binge_to/
---
My fat food addicted self is hungry after all that. My whole body is aching and I can literally feel my fat cells expanding while my stomach growls. It's making me really sad. I just don't want to binge again.

---

[Help] Family BBQ today
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Sun Apr 23 11:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/673dx1/family_bbq_today/
---
My family is having a BBQ in a few hours with all my nieces and nephews (all under 10). My boyfriend will be there with me, but there's gonna be a lot of food. I'm talking chips, hamburgers, hotdogs, guacamole, salsa, baked beans.... deliciousness really.
How can I avoid turning this into a snacking binge all day? I'm so afraid I'm going to gorge on chips I'm entirely skipping breakfast and lunch today.

---

[Rant/Rave] Heading to in-patient in a few hours. [rant]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 23 11:04:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/673bz6/heading_to_inpatient_in_a_few_hours_rant/
---
TW: suicide

I've been in the hospital for the past two days because I tried to commit suicide on Friday. I was found earlier than expected and taken to the hospital.

I've been recovering physically but I'm still ready emotionally. I told my parents that I'm upset that I was found so quickly. The worst thing is, if I choose to live again, I'm going to have scars on my forearms forever like a cliche.

Anyways, it's mandatory that I go to psych for 48 hours after I'm medically cleared and I'm really not looking forward to it. Any advice for a first timer?

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate it when people buy me food.
/u/Elope
Created: Sun Apr 23 11:01:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/673bav/i_hate_it_when_people_buy_me_food/
---
Today was looking good. Right up until my mother brought home this fucking monstrosity of a wrap. This thing is loaded with cheese, fried chicken, and what looks like some mayo based sauce. Like, fucking overflowing with this shit. Got some lettuce too, for good measure, I suppose. It's an absolute joke. Of course it's all I can fucking think about. I'm supposed to be doing a fucking resit, and instead I'm going to war with myself over this stupid fucking wrap. Ugh.

Why is it socially acceptable to buy people food? Why can't we all just come together and agree that eating should be something private and personal? Fuck. I dunno what to do. I wanna c/s it, but it's fucking huge and I might get caught. I can't just ignore it. It's time for me to eat, and I'm scared now in case I end up doubly screwing myself by eating as planned but then cracking and eating it later. I can't fucking win.

I'm so angry guys. I was thinking to myself earlier how good today felt, and here comes this bullshit.

---

[Discussion] What weird fantasies about eating foods do you have?
/u/smileyslimey [5'4.5|105|18|GW:95|F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 10:34:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6735tt/what_weird_fantasies_about_eating_foods_do_you/
---
I always fantasise about eating "pretty girl foods". This probably sounds weird lol. But I picture myself going to beautiful cafés with my boyfriend, being super thin with perfect makeup and clothes. Then I see myself eating something like a piece of strawberry cake for lunch with a vanilla soy latte and fancy chocolates. I'd be satisfied with eating a small slice of cake for lunch and wouldn't need any substantial food. I also would not give a fuck about calories because I'd be rail thin and eating so little anyway.

On the other hand I also want to lock myself in my room with like ten pizzas and cookies and ice cream and spend the whole day binging on these. But nobody can see me during that time, whereas I want everyone to notice me in the café-scenario.

---

[Rant/Rave] Weight is just so weird.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 10:14:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6731ra/weight_is_just_so_weird/
---
In the past seven days:

Easter Sunday I weighed 122 lbs/55.3kg/17.69BMI

Wednesday I got up to 127.5 lbs/57.8kg/18.49BMI

And today I am back to 123.5 lbs/56kg/17.91BMI

I haven't updated my flair in ages because I feel like I cannot trust myself not to gain 5.5 pounds in a couple days all the time lol

---

Have you tried the salt water flush?
/u/TumblrTerminatedMe
Created: Sun Apr 23 10:07:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6730j7/have_you_tried_the_salt_water_flush/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Embarrassing ED stories...
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sun Apr 23 07:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6725xy/embarrassing_ed_stories/
---
I have a couple.
Like right now, only THREE days of a total of 250 calories, and my hypoglycemia is kicking my ass. I'm at work, shaking and about to pass out. And I have two new hires here -- I'm in upper management. And stupid me won't eat anything because I at least have to make it five days. Ugh what is wrong with me.

My new hire just bought me food and I threw it out without her seeing because I can't bring myself to eat it! Ugh it is probably because I'm dehydrated, and I'm feeling a bit better after downing like 2 powerade zeros.

Another one.. In my birthday, my mom bought me my favorite kind of cake, and I secretly c/s and almost got caught. I said I was sick and I was throwing up but UGH.

Any one else have embarrassing atories? Close calls?

Once I was stupid and tried a dry fast and started hallucinating at school. My professor called me out in front of everyone and asked if I was okay. Cue SAD and I ran out of the classroom. Dropped the class immediately..

Tl;dr eating disorders SUCK.

---

[Discussion] has anyone noticed non-ED men commenting on this sub/received PM's from them?
/u/sunflowerfairy [4'11" | no goal weight; nothing will ever be good enough.]
Created: Sun Apr 23 07:15:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6725qy/has_anyone_noticed_noned_men_commenting_on_this/
---
i've started to notice some guys who comment on this sub—nothing all that bad i guess, just leaving encouraging comments and such. i was on this sub the other day and saw a comment from a familiar user, and when i delved into my messages i saw that it was a guy who previously PM'd me, complimenting my body and asking if i could talk more about my disordered eating habits.


then another instance! on a post about a girl who felt confident about meeting her ex's new girlfriend, i saw a comment from a user who left some decidedly nice comments. i recognized the user as a 28yo male who once PM'd me (i'm 16), and his post history had a lot of activity in nsfw subreddits...specifically very graphic posts on age-play fetish subreddits. i'm not going to say he doesn't have an eating disorder or a reason to be on this sub, but in his PM he mentioned that he browsed /r/proED because his sister had an ED.



it's so damned weird! i can't be the only one that has noticed this or received weird unsolicited PM's from guys due to their activity on this sub. but in any case, i don't know if this is really that valid since there's nothing wrong with non-ED people leaving nice comments on this sub. but it still feels so odd to me...thoughts?

---

[Discussion] Tell me your goals for this week, a pet peeve, and the last song you listened to.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 06:40:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6720sb/tell_me_your_goals_for_this_week_a_pet_peeve_and/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6720sb/tell_me_your_goals_for_this_week_a_pet_peeve_and/

---

[Goal] (goal) Day 2: binge-free
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 06:37:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6720gi/goal_day_2_bingefree/
---
Hey guys, thanks for all the support yesterday - I didn't binge the whole day! :D

I'm restricting quite high - around 1200-1300 cals so I don't get the urge to stuff my face.

I got rid of any trigger snacks and my boyfriend has eaten most of his Easter chocolate (thank god) so I'm not getting tempted. Also idk I have some kinda satisfaction knowing he's eating all that chocolate and calories and not me - i feel bad cos it's kinda evil :(

Hiding out in the library today to avoid food ha. Anyway comment below how you're all doing :)

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 23 06:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/671wxp/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
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Looking for more? Check out [last week's Sunday post](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ot2k/sunday_discussion_recipes_and_food_finds/).

Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 23 06:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/671w4p/daily_food_diary_april_23_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] All Nighters (Discussion)
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 23 05:23:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/671r7e/all_nighters_discussion/
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I'm usually pretty good at avoiding binges, but I've noticed the later I stay up the stronger my cravings are! I'm avoiding eating a cupcake my partner's mom made but it's more difficult now that I've stayed up until seven in the morning haha. Just curious if anyone else experiences the same thing!

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Getting super small and preggo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 23 04:32:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/671lkz/getting_super_small_and_preggo/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Weight watchers promoting disordered eating?
/u/eponinedawn
Created: Sun Apr 23 01:52:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/67155u/weight_watchers_promoting_disordered_eating/
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So I started weight watchers like a week ago and I've already lost 5 points. I was wondering how that was possible without my normal calorie counting and since I used up all my points allotted for the day with still eating fruits and veg that don't count as points. I went through and added up the calorie totals for the last few days and they were all 600-900 calorie days.. how is this considered okay but if I was to track my calories every day and have a goal of under 1,000 calories it would be considered an eating disorder?

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[Other] i purged
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 23 00:55:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670z5t/i_purged/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone else feel really great when the clock hits midnight? Like whatever you did/ate yesterday is gone and now it's a new day?
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sun Apr 23 00:38:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670x7p/anyone_else_feel_really_great_when_the_clock_hits/
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Even when I binge or overeat even a little, I always feel better when it's midnight, because that means it's a fresh new day to do better. Anyone else? :)

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[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate anxiety and I hate myself.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Apr 23 00:18:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670urv/i_fucking_hate_anxiety_and_i_hate_myself/
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I am sorry in advance for the long rant this is likely to be. I just need to put all these words somewhere because I sure as hell can't say anything to anyone..

It's been almost two days since I ate last. I have really been struggling with binging and haven't been able to purge in two or three weeks because It is really painful at this point. I have planned out my binges when no one is around because i hate when people see me like that. I feel less than human and I just feel ugly. I feel like a drug addict getting their fix. I don't like watching people shoot up. I don't like watching people eat. It gives me a weak stomach and sometimes enough to make me vomit. sorry if that is graphic. so back to me. Its been almost two whole days and I have avoided eating by sleeping a lot. My depression has left without a lot of energy to do anything and I am currently unemployed so I am worried about money too. I still owe my parents rent from last months and keep having sparactic binges where I go to the store spend 20 to 30 bucks and go home and binge sometimes becoming full immediately and continuing to eat or throwing away the remainder of the food. This has resulted in me spending almost 200 dollars in the past two weeks. I can't afford to binge I tell myself. A couple binges have been at home which have led to guilt because I feel bad eating other peoples food especially my parents who are going throw a hard time financially right now because my dad quit his job.

I live with my parents and so things tend to get kind of tense sometimes as both my parents are diagnosed with some sort of mental illness. My mom is bipolar and my dad is depressed and I am bipolar, and struggle with a lot of anxiety in addition to ED stuff (yay me right?) and so I don't really know how to work with my anxiety. My parent's buy me food sometimes but I largely pay for my own stuff and I really hate buying food. It feels like a waste. I would rather starve and buy designer clothes or go thrifting than pay for food because I feel like I don't need food.

That is a lot of background. I guess I can get back to that but here is the reason I felt the need to type all this out. We just finished watching a movie and finally the binge urge got to me. I was going to make myself some food but i didn't know what to make. My binges lately have been clearing the cupboard of any remnants as there isn't a lot of food in the house I can eat anyway. (I am vegetarian) so my binges have been, eggs, grilled cheese, rice with scrambled eggs and toast with peanutbutter and a quart of ice cream I bought. also yogurt and granola. I fucking hate myself. I hate that I pretty much eat all food as soon as I get it. Its like my body doesn't want to survive. I feel like I should lurk r/BED to talk to others with binging problems. so with my anxiety I have a lot of obsessive tendencies that go hand in hand. I guess these would be like rituals. I am particular about things when I do eat.

I was making some grilled cheese sandwhiches on the stove top after polishing off a bowl of macoroni salad (I want to fucking purge but I can't fuck me!). I was making sandwhiches and then they were starting to get overly cooked for my taste and the cheese wasn't melting. I gave up and threw them in the compost and then paced around the kitchen anxiously for something I could throw together in a few minutes because when I need to binge I am impatient and need to eat then and there.

I must add that while I am pacing around the kitchen my mom decides to wander in and lurk possibly looking for a snack or something. My mom being around me or close makes me freak out because it feeds into my paranoia. I feel like i am being watched and monitored especially because a few months ago I was in treatment with a meal plan and everything before I was thrown out of my program. My mom sees I threw away the sandwhiches and asks if she can make me something and I just want to tell her to sit the fuck down and leave me alone because I just need to think.

The plus side of all this anxiety is that I no longer want to eat and I am own down a bowl of macoroni salad instead of a serious binge.

I didn't want to eat the sandwhiches because I don't like burned food. I don't like eating food that isn't "pretty" I like putting effort into making my food all presentable because then I feel less like an animal. I just feel like utter shit right now and I am freaking out about what I ate. I had peanutbutter too. fuck fuck fuck. I feel fat and I hate that I haven't weight myself in a couple weeks which might be an accomplishment but I also really just want to get back on track...

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[Discussion] Logging vegetables?
/u/squishysponges [F|5'3"|CW 205|GW 110]
Created: Sat Apr 22 22:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670gsu/logging_vegetables/
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So I was considering not counting calories for the vegetables I eat. Not that I won't anyway, but so if I go over my limit (usually 700) I won't feel so bad since I had a salad or what have you. I mostly want to keep track of fat calories anyway.
Since I'm usually eating only 2 meals with any carbs/fat cals does this make sense? I just feel like I'm punishing myself after I eat the good food, vegetables, even though that's the only thing putting me over my calorie limit.
Are there any foods you guys don't "count" or punish yourselves for?

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[Discussion] Something I've noticed
/u/HappinessIsClose [5'9.5 | 157.5 | 22.9 | -4.2 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 22:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670ggw/something_ive_noticed/
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Is that as I've fallen deeper into this disorder my goals in restricting have become less about the aesthetics and more about the high I get when I feel like I can at least control something.

I don't even care about the numbers or what I look like anymore. I just want to be able to say "no" when people offer me food. That way it feels like I actually have a say in my life and the direction it's headed in.

When I successfully restrict I get better grades and I study more and I'm generally happier. When I binge, it's the exact opposite. I don't know whether it's my diet or my mood/work ethic that's the cause/effect here.

Anybody else had the same realization?

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First time posting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 22:30:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670g9b/first_time_posting/
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[removed]

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[Tip] Pro tip: make Propel/Powerade popsicles if you have trouble with the texture (or just cause popsicles)!
/u/lilmissdisappearing [5'3" | 102 | 18.57 | *not enough* | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 22:12:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670ds9/pro_tip_make_propelpowerade_popsicles_if_you_have/
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Something about the texture of zero cal Propel and Powerade is a problem for me. No flavor issues, I just can't deal with more than one sip before I quit. Too... syrupy or something?

Either way, making popsicles out of them totally eliminates this problem for me (plus it's delicious and dessert-y).

I am pretty sure my heart would have stopped during a fast by now if I hadn't figured this out, hope it's helpful for someone else!

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[Help] Question about calorie deficits versus weight loss.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 22:00:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670bvf/question_about_calorie_deficits_versus_weight_loss/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] "Sickly, scary skinny"
/u/bir_die [5'8" | 111.4 | 16.75 | GW: 111 | 23 Femme]
Created: Sat Apr 22 21:42:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/670964/rant_sickly_scary_skinny/
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What the fuck does that even *mean*. And why has everyone started applying these terms to me. What constitutes as "sickly"? Am I just stuck on the idea of someone sitting in the ER with a feeding tube down their throat? That sounds pretty goddamn scary.

But I'm not there at all. I don't even get sick outside of the occasional weird stomach issue since I've fucked my digestive system. And I just don't *see* it. Maybe it's body dysmorphia, but I just... don't look that thin. Honestly, I've never though I looked fat, either. Just that there's bits of me that need to shrink and be gone. I recognize I'm objectively thin, even if it's a little confusing. I can fit in a child's car seat. I think I'm pretty small.

Sickly, though??? Scary??? I don't fucking get it. I'm kind of wrecking myself over it because I don't necessarily *want* to be those things. I'd like to retain some sensuality and attractiveness. Is it due to those people not having an ED mindset and idea of what's ideal? Or am I crazy? I don't know. It's freaking me out, like I need to recover and maintain *fast* because people Will Know. Even one of my best friends who also has an ED made that comment. And she *gets it*.

I don't goddamn get it. My thighs are still not good enough to start maintaining and 111 is *right there* and I'm scared of everything. So I'm just gonna eat pizza and cheesecake and watch bleach and only cry a little bit.

What do I even look liiiike sobs sobs sobs what is reeeaaallll

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[Rant/Rave] Libra scale doesn't believe in me either
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 21:30:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6707ce/libra_scale_doesnt_believe_in_me_either/
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Sorry, on mobile, tis a rant. If you don't know, libra is a little app that tells you what you actually weigh based off day to day weigh ins. It can also predict what you'll weigh based off input.

I've been binging since Easter and I keep making excuses about stress and it'll calm down in a bit just wait till tomorrow ((ha!) but things pile on and well, it's a cycle I'm sure you understand.

Now my lovely libra scale says I'm gonna gain four pounds in a year. Four pounds I tortured myself for. (Obviously not enough) these last few pounds has made normal people say I'm too skinny and all sorts of fatlogic that's annoying, but it was so validating that people noticed. And I was most certainly the skinniest in any circles I'm in.

I kinda just wanted to post this for accountability, I'm feeling so unmotivated not just to lose weight but even to take care of myself in any way, I keep getting put down by just everyone and I'm so emotionally tired. I just want to make my freaking app believe in me.

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[Rant/Rave] This just happened and my heart won't stop pounding. I'm more than my ED but apparently the fact that I post here invalidates my argument.
/u/TessTobias [5'6" | 121.6 | 19.7 ]
Created: Sat Apr 22 20:47:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6700sp/this_just_happened_and_my_heart_wont_stop/
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https://i.redd.it/emk2kixwu7ty.png

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[Rant/Rave] How do people who b and p have amazing white teeth when mine are like dulling and I'm freaking out
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat Apr 22 20:02:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66ztsp/how_do_people_who_b_and_p_have_amazing_white/
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Im destroying my teeth I'm so scared. But people I know who have done years and years of damage to their teeth have really white pearly teeth like how???? Give me something tips or what is ut genes????Teeth are my biggest insecurity and it tears me up how dependent I've become with purging ugh

Purging is the worst don't ever do it it's the grossest thing you will ever do to yourself fo real

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[Rant/Rave] I just like... Don't want to move for three days
/u/losingluna
Created: Sat Apr 22 19:44:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zqtr/i_just_like_dont_want_to_move_for_three_days/
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Idk, I'm not really sure this even qualifies as a rant because I'm just so... Done? Not exhausted, but I just feel like not existing. The past two weeks my routine has been get out of bed, (maybe) make some coffee, grab some random low-cal microwavable snack, sit at the computer, start doing something (probably sims), an then remember I made food and coffee. It's like a cycle. I'm glad I'm forgetting to eat, but I'm kind of concerned about the fact that my brain has been so blank that I just feel like I'm not existing.

And I kinda just want to keep doing this. It's so much easier to just blank out and forget I'm hungry. I mean, I've lost 5 pounds again because of this, but I feel so shitty. Ugh, everything just seems like so extra. I haven't showered in idek how long, I've been wearing the same disgusting clothes for at least a week... I wish I could keep this up without feeling so blah.

Oh well, I'm going to the animal shelter tomorrow to check out some dogs so maybe I'll be better after a good shower and possibly a new furry friend.

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[Help] Eating after Fasting???
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 19:34:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zpao/eating_after_fasting/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] "thick"
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Sat Apr 22 19:34:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zp8n/rant_thick/
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STOP CALLING ME THICK
I am a size 2 for fucks sake. But apparently that looks fat on me. I know he means it nicely because he says it as a compliment like, "I don't want you to lose weight, I like you thick," but seriously it just reinforces in me that I'm not skinny enough. How can a size 2 be thick? Am I really even fatter than I thought I was?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm Pregnant
/u/ethereal-sea-nymph [5'3 | CW 106 | GW: idek | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 22 18:55:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zis5/im_pregnant/
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I *wanted* to get pregnant. We were *trying* to get pregnant. I've been gaining so that I'd be *able* to get pregnant. So why am I freaking out??!!?!

I took a pregnancy test yesterday and got a positive result. I'm happy. But I'm also COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT. I'm trying to keep myself from falling into binge mode, but it's already happened and I'm really disappointed in myself. With my last pregnancy my midwives encouraged me to eat Paleo and logically I know that I need to limit myself during my pregnancies, but the past two days it's like I'm ignoring my brain and my heart and only listening to my stomach and my mouth and it's just such a horrible feeling and I hate it and am trying not to hate myself for it, but ugh, I feel so gross and weak. Blah.

Even my husband chastised me for how I've been eating. It's only been two days. This is going to be a long one.

Edit: also, omg I want to take my Adderall so bad. I have pills and I *cannot* take them. Gah.

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[Rant/Rave] new lw instead of hurting myself
/u/starskyandspring [5'6 🍀 xtra large 🔅 gw: 113 🥑 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 18:37:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zfqg/new_lw_instead_of_hurting_myself/
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today, my recent ex boyfriend posted a picture with another girl and it destroyed me in ways i didn't think were possible. i sobbed and immediately in my brain i started listing off all the ways i could feel physical pain because i am so tired of my emotions tearing me to pieces. mental pain is so exhausting. this went on for about an hour until i forced myself to go to the gym and run out all of my anger. that took 7 miles, but it worked. i was scared to weigh myself after - i didn't want to make myself more upset even though i've had a good week in the way of eating thanks to EC and being too depressed to eat. i kept telling myself that i shouldn't since i drank last night and ate more sweet potato fries than i wanted to. but i weighed myself anyway - **118.6**.

i am only .6 pounds away from my GW and i'm only 3 pounds away from my UGW. 23 pounds ago i never thought this was possible and today it happened. and it happened at the very best time. i feel so good about myself for choosing to exercise and take care of myself. today all i wanted was feel a sense of physical pain to make my brain stop hurting but i made a better choice and seeing that LW was the most calming feeling.

i haven't had anyone to talk to all day so i'm sharing here but i hope everyone is having a nice saturday :) please feel free to share any of your victories with me too, i'd love to read about other people feeling happy right now!

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[Help] Please how to deal with not purging
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 18:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zcyl/please_how_to_deal_with_not_purging/
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A 7000 calorie binge. Bad yall. Bad. I feel so sick.

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[Goal] New job opportunity??
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Apr 22 18:08:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zauc/new_job_opportunity/
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So my cousin is a manager at my favorite vegan food place and he told me to come in and do an application and talk to him. He said he's gonna get me an interview and I'm so excited. I've been wanting to go vegan again but couldn't afford it. If i can eat at this place everyday, once, I'll be vegan again annnd I'll hit my goal weight super fast. I hope i get it. Plus the customers are so diverse so that part of the job would be fun too.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Apr 22 18:05:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66zab1/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/i82o9f3b27ty.jpg

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[Discussion] weird inspiration
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sat Apr 22 17:19:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66z298/weird_inspiration/
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do you guys have any weird inspirations?one of mine is being able to sit on one of those chairs with the adjustable height and when i pull the lever to go down I'm too light and i have to get someone to help. that's the dream right there. anyone else?
mods please flair - mobile.

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[Discussion] How does your day work?
/u/Elope
Created: Sat Apr 22 17:15:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66z1kv/how_does_your_day_work/
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I do 24 hour blocks. My thinking is that I burn x calories over 24 hours, so I can eat whatever way I want in that time. At a deficit, obviously. My window starts at midnight. It's kind of helped me, because in the past if I was starving at midnight I'd just have to suffer until the morning. Now I can eat something. Rolling over cals can be rough if I leave myself with too few for the next day, but it has helped with binging. I feel more in control.

How about you guys?

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[Thinspo] Is self-thinspo allowed here?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 16:03:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66yogy/is_selfthinspo_allowed_here/
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https://i.redd.it/t9b9ap5jg6ty.jpg

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[Thinspo] [Thinspo] 2 albums- POC & ballerinas
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sat Apr 22 14:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66y8f6/thinspo_2_albums_poc_ballerinas/
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Non-white thinspo https://imgur.com/a/khSKP

Ballet&yoga https://imgur.com/a/Rroq0


There are not enough representations of POC. And, to me, ballerinas (esp. Russian) are ultimate goals.

♡

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[Rant/Rave] Just a little rant
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 14:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66y46r/just_a_little_rant/
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I was so excited to start my weekend and enjoy all the things that are happening... but then I weighed in two pounds over expected and now I'm hiding in my room, drinking vitamin water zero and watching Netflix instead. I feel too big and gross to go out and there's *food* everywhere and I don't trust myself around it. I feel like if I even go for a few hours without being hypervigilant, I gain weight...

And thanks for listening, you guys. It's nice to have somewhere I can talk about these things without feeling judged.

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[Help] Feeling sick when eating more after a period of time of eating less?
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 14:04:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66y1kf/feeling_sick_when_eating_more_after_a_period_of/
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Does anyone else feel sick when they start to eat more after eating less? It didn't used to happen to me, but for the past two years whenever I dip low in cals for 3+ days and then try to move up again (because I'm constantly trying to convince myself to be a normal human being and just eat) I get sick. Sort of flu like sick. I spend a whole day (or more) snacking on saltines because if I'm not eating something I feel worse (which is weird, because I'm feeling sick from eating more, idk).

Does anyone know how to fix this? Or reduce this? I tried very slowly increasing my food, but there is always inevitably one day where I feel like shit because I increased. I also tried not fully eliminating any food (i.e. I used to cut out carbs entirely, and then when I started eating carbs again I'd be sick) but it would still happen. If anyone has a good solution to this please let me know :( I have a huge fear of throwing up so these days are hell for me, on top of feeling like shit.

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Not sure what to say...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 13:13:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66xrir/not_sure_what_to_say/
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[removed]

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Not really sure what to say....
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 12:51:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66xn7m/not_really_sure_what_to_say/
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[deleted]

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hypoglycemia?
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 12:44:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66xlsn/hypoglycemia/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I am dying with anxiety over weight gain.
/u/CowOffTheFarm [65" | 157 | 26.4 | - | F | GW 120]
Created: Sat Apr 22 12:13:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66xfhh/i_am_dying_with_anxiety_over_weight_gain/
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Earlier today I was looking at pictures from my low weight and damn I looked good. 20 pounds ago.

Now I'm reviewing a video made for a group project. I think I'm going to cry over this. I can acknowledge that my body doesn't look that bad, but the weight gain in my face is deplorable! I went from an nice jaw line to the round face I hated having as a kid.

I feel so ugly. I was about to buy my favorite dessert from the restaurant around the corner. Now I'm just going to live off sugar free Powerade for the next few months.

I can't think straight. I can't do work. Just sitting here binge watching IASIP on the verge of tears. I've lost about 5 pounds from my recent high weight, but there is no way I can be proud of that. It's probably just water weight anyway.

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[Rant/Rave] Broke my 48 hour fast the worst way.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 10:40:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66wwts/broke_my_48_hour_fast_the_worst_way/
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Rant- I was super good and kept with my fast for 48 hours. I wasnt even hungry when i broke it. I think i could have gone all weekend as well. But lastnight my bf and i went to a movie and he wanted dinner before the movie.
He wanted to go to my favorite burger joint.

Moral of the story. I ate WAY too much. Burger, fries, candy ( because i already ruined it so why not), alcohol, pistacios, cheese.

This morning i feel aweful. So bloated.
So ashamed of myself for last night.

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Questions about bronkaid
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Sat Apr 22 10:38:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66wwf7/questions_about_bronkaid/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My underwear is a medium!
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Sat Apr 22 09:22:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66whrv/my_underwear_is_a_medium/
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I'm a pear with a petite frame so my shirts have always been a S and my underwear has always been L/XL. A few years back I accidentally purchased M underwear. I was never able to wear them but I tried them on yesterday and they were actually comfortable!!! It feels fucking great :) I'm wearing M underwear today too.

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[Help] Fasting with family
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sat Apr 22 09:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66wgxo/fasting_with_family/
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The first rule of fasting, is that you do not speak about fasting. So what do you do when you have a daily meal with family at dinner? Most days my husband will be in bed watching TV. I think I can get away with saying that I ate in the living room with the kids but I'm not sure. What do you do if your spouse/family/person asks you why you're not eating?

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[Discussion] [Discussion] DAE try and trick the mind?
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat Apr 22 08:45:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66wb01/discussion_dae_try_and_trick_the_mind/
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Lately I've been trying this trick where, when I'm feeling faint or hungry, I try and coax myself into thinking it's nausea. And then I'm like 'oh no, obvos can't eat now, what a pity'. In some warped way it seems to be working.

But, I'm on meds that genuinely do make me feel sick in the morning and evening. So that might also be helping.

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[Rant/Rave] I never thought I'd be so furious about NOT being able to eat, but god I am.
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 125 | GW 115 | BMI 20ish | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 08:12:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66w5b0/i_never_thought_id_be_so_furious_about_not_being/
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So I started a new job nearly three weeks ago and there is something that is seriously bothering me. I work in a pet store that sells puppies from local breeders and pet supplies. Lately, I've been working 8 or 9 hour shifts, and if I close at night then there is another half hour of extra things that usually keeps me and another employee staying after to finish up. On my first day I was expecting a 20 or 30 minute lunch break, but that didn't happen. Several people, including my boss, explained that no one takes breaks so that they can be paid for the whole shift. Everyone usually brings a few granola bars and a coffee or something. Uh okay...

I think after my second day, I picked up some strawberry special k bars at the grocery store, and they were 90 cal. each so I thought 'awesome, I shouldn't have a problem with guilt after I eat them at work and I'll also be able to get a little food in me.' Right?

Nope.

I binged on 10 of the 12 that night and many other things. I fucking hated myself for it, and decided to never buy them again (which is why I tend to stay away from most prepackaged or processed snack foods because I just don't have the self control to not eat them all). But now that I'm working almost no 5 or 6 hour days and mostly 8 or 9 hour days, the hunger and exhaustion feels like it's killing me. There is not a single chair in the damn store. The only time I get to sit is when I go to the bathroom. Laundry is being done all day long due to the puppies going to the bathroom on the towels we give them, so I'm frequently bent over a low-standing sink scrubbing towels which fucking hurts my back! When I'm not doing that I'm going around checking on the dogs and helping customers. I'm standing or walking the entire time. More than not I'm light-headed because I'm in a severe restriction cycle currently and have lost about 7 pounds in the past 3 weeks and don't plan on stopping because anorexia sucks but at the same time I'm so happy to be losing more weight.

I looked up labor and rest break laws in Ohio and we're one of the few states where breaks by employers are not required so that's awesome. I really hope I pass out one day and everyone else sees how ridiculous this whole system of "let's work all day while not sitting or eating" is, especially for me, someone that hardly eats to begin with. UGH.

Sorry for the stupidly long post.

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[Rant/Rave] So proud of myself!!
/u/scribbledoll
Created: Sat Apr 22 08:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66w50p/so_proud_of_myself/
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Yesterday, i only had 380 calories. It was one meal, a block of ramen. I can't believe i did it. I haven't eaten yet today, and im not hungry yet! I'm so happy! I know it's the weekend and I'll probably screw it all up over the weekend... but for now, im just happy! Still super fat, but i dont care because im on my way to getting skinny and healthy!

I hope the weekend is kind to you, and that you're kind to yourself as well. You're beautiful and can do it!!

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[Help] Weigh ins
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 119 | 19.8/20.3 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 08:06:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66w4a4/weigh_ins/
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What do you guys consider your real weight? I hit a new LW yesterday and then after I finished my 1200 cals of food, I ended up getting invited out and drank a few shots worth of unflavored vodka (and about half a beer when I was drunk enough to stop caring about calories so much lol) But anyways, I woke up this morning at an even lower weight than yesterday. I figure this is because alcohol causes you to lose water weight, but should I consider this new number as my *real* weight?

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[Rant/Rave] My body is developing again and it's honestly making me so uncomfortable...
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 08:01:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66w3fh/my_body_is_developing_again_and_its_honestly/
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Especially, my boobs. I'm maintaining/recovering(lol) My boobs are really achy and it's like they're fucking puffing overnight. My weight is stable, but like of all the fucking places you can redistribute. I would rather have this fat on my fucking stomach, that way I could actually hide it. Big boobs run in the family, so they're just gonna get grosser. My weight is fucking stable.

I just wanna look androgynous. I've got wide shoulders, so it looks like you took some fucking pancakes, and slapped them on a dude.

My waist is getting slimmer, but I don't fucking care. GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM. STOP.

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[Discussion] Plans for this morning/day
/u/pirtlepower [5''5" l LW 80 l HW 180 l CW 118| 19.6 l GW ?l F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 07:55:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66w291/plans_for_this_morningday/
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I'm getting ready to head to the gym for a hopefully long cardio session.

What's everyone's plan for today?

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[Goal] Today is gonna be binge-free day 1.
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 07:08:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66vv3d/today_is_gonna_be_bingefree_day_1/
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Need to get out of this binge cycle so bad....I NEED to stop binging and stop making excuses for myself.

I was actually posting on the Summer goals check in's but then I started binging and couldn't face posting there anymore :(

I've calculated if I start restricting TODAY, then I can get to my goal weight by the end of June!!
If I post it here, I feel like I'll *have* to stick to it, right???

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[Rant/Rave] Onederland!!!
/u/incognitoporfavor
Created: Sat Apr 22 06:43:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66vrg6/onederland/
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Went to bed early last night so that I wouldn't eat, woke up with a 1 in front of my weight!! (I'm a lot bigger than most of you) it's been 9 months since I've been this low. I've now convinced myself that it can't possibly be accurate and even if it is I will screw it up this weekend. I don't know why I'm posting just needed to tell people that understand.

(Please flag as rant/rave)

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 22 06:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66vn1d/stupid_questions_saturday_april_22_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 22, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 22 06:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66vmb0/daily_food_diary_april_22_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Thinspo] Clavicle
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Sat Apr 22 05:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66veh3/clavicle/
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http://imgur.com/a/L4Kjn

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[Rant/Rave] How the hell am I gaining
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Sat Apr 22 04:50:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66vdho/how_the_hell_am_i_gaining/
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All this week except yesterday I have had less than 600 calories. I started the week at 72kg (awful I know) and you know I wasn't expecting miracles but I certainly wasn't expecting to gain weight. I just weighed myself and I'm nearly 74kg!! What the hell? What am I doing wrong?? How does this make any sense?

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[Discussion] Fruititarian
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 04:37:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66vc1l/fruititarian/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Starting to look like everything is falling into place [Rant/Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sat Apr 22 04:03:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66v8gn/starting_to_look_like_everything_is_falling_into/
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My weight has been sticking at 61kg for the time ever and today it even dipped to 60.5kg, my GW of 58kg is looking like it might actually happen :) i couldn't stop checking out how much thinner my wrists look and my slight hipbones!! I still logged 61kg though because I don't want to get ahead of myself ;)

My UGW is 52kg, and once I reach 58kg, well I know I can do it!

I've been practising IF and eating ~700kcal every day this week and it's really helping me :) if I eat all my calories in the evening I'm not hungry and my hunger is becoming less and less.

New non-weight goals include swapping some diet soda for water :) gonna try 1 litre of water a day first and gradually increase it.

By the time I'm 52kg I'll actually have money and can go shopping for new clothes and get my favourite clothes altered!

Oh and my boobs have stayed the same size so I'm thrilled :)

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I made my ED brain shut up for a few hours!
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat Apr 22 03:44:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66v6jr/rave_i_made_my_ed_brain_shut_up_for_a_few_hours/
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I just recently got back from after prom. I'm so happy with myself for going and enjoying myself.

I didn't eat until dinner so that I could save calories for a large meal (energy for dancing, because passing out on the dance floor isn't fun and I've been sub-700 for a while). Approx. 1200 kcal meal which is a normal daily amount for losing weight. I wanted so badly to purge it but I didn't.

Then I got to the dance. I didn't just drink water the whole Time; I had some punch too and a snack. My ED brain kept telling me to purge or fast for a week to make up for it, but I basically told myself to shut up and enjoy it, 5 hours of dancing would burn off a few glasses of punch. I just went out and had fun. Every time I felt self conscious about being fat, I told myself to shut up and dance. And I did. And I had fun!

Now, as soon as I came home and wasn't distracted, my ED brain kicked in and I can't stop regretting eating so much; but I put it off for long enough to have fun? Like, it was always in the back of my mind but I silenced it well enough. And I'm so happy about that. Another purge free day, and I am still likely under my TDEE (I'll admit I'm high and didn't count exactly but with my estimates I should be fine!). That's amazing.

I'm still not recovered (or even *recovering*) but it's good to know that not every day has to be hell on earth. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that again, but I did it once at least!!!

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[Goal] I've gone from a bmi of 27.3 to 19.5 in 4 months and i'm pretty happy!
/u/lunamoon1 [5'5 | cw+bmi 112.2 / 18.78 | hw: 167 |19f]
Created: Sat Apr 22 03:43:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66v6fu/ive_gone_from_a_bmi_of_273_to_195_in_4_months_and/
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I know I still have a long way to go but I never thought I'd never get here due to b/ping loads last year. I finally have control over restricting and lost all the weight again. I'm hoping by the end of this week, if I restrict enough I can finally get under 18.5.

I hope everyone reaches their goals also and it is possible! :)

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[Help] Been binging nonstop for 3 months now because I go back and forth on being very restrictive then binge like crazy nonstop, does anyone have any tips on losing the 10 lbs I gained on my crazy binge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 22 03:42:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66v6as/been_binging_nonstop_for_3_months_now_because_i/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Ate like a pig yesterday, lost weight today.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 22 03:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66v3ss/rave_ate_like_a_pig_yesterday_lost_weight_today/
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So yesterday I went to the movies. It was the finest, fanciest theater I've ever been in. There are recliners instead of theater seats, with fold-out tables. The seats have massage and heating. And they serve you food right at your seat.
So I had a personal margherita pizza and a basket of Oreo churros. I checked with the wait staff and the pizza was 1100 and the churros were 400, appx. So 1500 calories, plus the 200 I ate the morning equals 1700. Never even mind that this was on a Thursday and the previous Sunday I consumed 2000 calories in turkey and chocolate.

This was going to be a disaster. I allowed myself two slimfast shakes and a jar of baby food Friday. Today is to be the same. And Sunday. And Monday. And then finally, after four days of restricting, I'd finally bring myself to look at the scale and pray I hadn't gone up to 107.

Obviously, I wasn't realistically about togo four days without a weigh-in, however painful it would be to look.

I don't know how, I don't know why, but this morning's weight... 103.2!!! HOW?!! I thought surely the fact that I ate an entire fucking pizza, washed down with a basket of fried Oreos... I did the math afterwards, and my AVERAGE caloric intake for the week was 1200. The 400-calorie days and the 1800-calorie days must have balanced out, somehow!!! This means that in theory, I could follow my therapist's instructions and eat 1200 EVERY day and still lose a pound a week!! Am I going to do that? probably not. But still. Easter didn't hurt my skinnification at all, and nor did the movies!!! I'm gonna burn some incense. Trouble is, I don't know to which god I should give the credit for this absolute miracle!!!!! I have been undeservedly saved from my own gluttony!!

And yes, obviously I'm still going to have only 2 slimfasts and 1 jar of baby food per 24 hours for the next three days.

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[Rant/Rave] I can tell I'm losing weight but the constipation is giving me this horrible belly and I'm MAD
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Sat Apr 22 00:07:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66uj7r/i_can_tell_im_losing_weight_but_the_constipation/
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Even outside of self-starvation, I've always had chronic constipation. Of course the ED has made that worse.

I'm having a tough episode of it currently and haven't pooped in a week but have also been eating pretty dense stuff, so I've got that ugly little "food baby" look going, but have also gotten a bit bonier in areas throughout the week so I /know/ I've lost weight (am not weighing til I freakin poop HAHAHA), but my belly is still making me feel HUGE and horrible and ugly and almost convincing me I'm actually gaining copious amounts of weight despite that not being scientifically possible ))): ahhhh

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[Rant/Rave] rewire [half rave/half questions]
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Fri Apr 21 23:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66uhel/rewire_half_ravehalf_questions/
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SO MY NEW GOAL IS TO REWIRE MY DANG BRAIN, VIA DAT HEBBIAN METHODOLOGY. when i feel excessively negative (anxious, wanna binge etc) instead of engaging in negative behaviors (binge, locking myself away, etc) i'm going to exercise, be it a run or yoga or whatever. i'm done letting the negative pathways i've allowed myself to indulge in control me. i WILL get fit, i WILL be stronger, and i WILL not give up. FERDA MARATHIN GUYS.

NEGATIVITY? NEW PHONE WHO DIS

also i'm gonna try and post once a day for the next week, to lead a binge free week thing. i love those, its like a lil support group. do we have one rn? if i start one would that be annoying? lemme know guys

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[Goal] [GOAL] I WILL DO BETTER TOMORROW. FUCKING FUCK I WILL STAY WITHIN THE LIMITS
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Fri Apr 21 21:12:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tv0o/goal_i_will_do_better_tomorrow_fucking_fuck_i/
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GODS! I am so shit at this. I was doing good for so long and then work decides to cater many days and I just can't fucking help myself.

Tomorrow's food: A burrito thing (340). Half a baby food pouch (30, to make the vitamins go down). I might get forced to go out to eat so I will put an optional Cup of chicken noodle soup at Panera on there. (90) Since that is where I would end up.

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Feeling I'm about to implode
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 20:12:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tlo0/feeling_im_about_to_implode/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo - i would literally murder people if it meant i could have Allison Williams' arms
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 19:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66temo/daily_thinspo_i_would_literally_murder_people_if/
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https://i.redd.it/iz2f7pklc0ty.jpg

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[Discussion] I've been starving myself for weeks and I just binged and I'm pretty sure I'm about to purge and I'm okay with that.
/u/xerox13ster [5'9" | 287 | 41.3 | 0 | MtF]
Created: Fri Apr 21 19:24:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tdjy/ive_been_starving_myself_for_weeks_and_i_just/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tdjy/ive_been_starving_myself_for_weeks_and_i_just/

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[Help] Purging??
/u/LaughingBorderline
Created: Fri Apr 21 19:21:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tcw3/purging/
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Ive been binging and purging lots lately and i hate the feeling. Its so gross. My life seems out of control and it helps me feel like i have some control. I just wanna get back to restricting instead but the binging impulses are too much. I have borderline personality disorder and my psych says that the binging is a part of my impulsivity.

How do you go back from purging to restricting??

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[Intro] Finally posting here
/u/library-cat [5'6"| 140 | 22.69 | GW??? | 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 19:20:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tcvc/finally_posting_here/
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Hey all! First of all, I just want to say how thrilled I am that I found this community. Everyone seems so welcoming and supportive and it means the world to finally have somewhere to talk about this. It's taken me forever to stop lurking and actually post (#justanxietythings lol)

Bit of background...I've been dealing with disordered eating in one way or another for about eight years now? God, typing that out makes me realize how long it's actually been. For a while my relationship with food was getting better - I threw myself into weightlifting, and was finally able to see food as necessary fuel - but then pretty much everything went to shit. The past year has been rough (an emotionally abusive relationship, among other things) and my disordered eating has gotten out of control again. Right now I'm in a binge/restrict cycle that's making me feel like the human equivalent of a garbage can fire. Between that and the amount of stress school is putting on me right now, sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind tbh. Finals are rapidly approaching and I'm really hoping I can pull myself together enough to deal with those and then (hopefully) get back on track with losing this summer.

Anyway, just wanted to do a little intro. Hope you're all having a lovely Friday!

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Feeling really depressed lately
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 19:06:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66tagh/feeling_really_depressed_lately/
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[deleted]

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[Goal] Small victory for me!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 18:39:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66t5ol/small_victory_for_me/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Bronkaid and break outs? (Discussion)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 18:20:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66t2j9/bronkaid_and_break_outs_discussion/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Something I absolutely hate
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 17:35:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66suit/something_i_absolutely_hate/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Antibiotics
/u/BokuNa [| 5'7 | GW:98 | 21.9 |]
Created: Fri Apr 21 17:20:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66srup/rant_antibiotics/
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So, I have chronic utis/PBS (painful bladder syndrome) and I have to take antibiotics. I was aiming to do a 3 day fast to make up for my previous taco bell binges. And I was on hour 28 when I got a call from my dr telling me I have to take antibiotics twice a day for 5 days. Now, anyone who has taken them before, knows that it's not really an option to take them on an empty stomach. Luckily enough, it's for 5 days rather than 10 like normal. So I'm resorting to eating 3 granola bars a day (max) so I can have substance in my stomach for my meds, and tylenol/excedrin, cause my headaches have been acting up. But they're 170 cals each, so it could be worse, but I still hate it for getting in the way of my fast. I've never been able to do more than 2 days on purpose before (I've not eaten for extended periods cause of depression, without realizing.) and I finally feel like I can break that record, cause I have a new motivation to lose weight. I'm about to move in with someone whose only been anorexic for not even half of the time I have and theyre so much better at it than I am. (They lost the weight they wanted, then kept it off for 3-4 years, up until now.) And I've put the pressure on myself to prove that I'm better than they are, and I have to manage to lose like 50 pounds in 2-3 months, or at leas get a big chunk done and find a way to keep it off they they somehow have.

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[Help] Ugh I just ordered pizza. Please convince me to c/s or throw away before I b/p all of it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 17:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66sql3/ugh_i_just_ordered_pizza_please_convince_me_to_cs/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Hungry and crying
/u/littlesmol [5'5" | CW embarrassing | GW 120 | UGW 95 | F 😊]
Created: Fri Apr 21 16:52:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66smfl/hungry_and_crying/
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I just feel so fucking terrible right now. I'm dizzy and my head is killing me from restricting but I know if I eat something now I won't stop. I've already binged 5 times in the past 7 days; I just weighed myself and I've gone up 6 pounds. I'm just so fucking sad and I want to drown my sadness in food, but I know I'll just feel worse afterwards, but I also know I need to eat because I haven't since breakfast and fuck. I hate this. I wish I could get help but I know I don't deserve it. I'm probably going to end up bingeing again soon and I hate myself for it. Sorry for ranting, I know no one actually gives a shit but I could use some false encouragement from anonymous strangers right now.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] only you guys would understand the day I've had
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 15:14:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66s31n/rant_only_you_guys_would_understand_the_day_ive/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Studying and/or working with an ED? What are your experiences?
/u/advicewelcome2 [5"4 | CW 201.8 | LW 110 | HW 208 | GW 108 | 25 F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 15:07:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66s1k5/studying_andor_working_with_an_ed_what_are_your/
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So I'm 99% sure right now that I'll be starting community college in the fall (whoo! new country and new seasons to remember :P) and it made me think about my ED and how it might affect my studies/chances of success.

My ED was at its worse in high school (several years ago) where, not surprisingly, I *almost* didn't pass my classes due to my disorder. I'm thinking that my past experience might help me this time around in terms of how far I can push myself without it affecting too much of my studies.

For those of you in school or even who work and deal with your ED at the same time, what are your experiences? How do you manage/not manage your commitments and do you have any advice?

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[Rant/Rave] God my gut hurts.
/u/Miss_Embie [167 | F | CW: 60 | GW: 57]
Created: Fri Apr 21 15:01:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66s06e/god_my_gut_hurts/
---
I've had a bad few days and I binged on everything I saw and I wasn't even hungry yet couldn't seem to satisfy my self in food so I gained like 5lbs, anyway today I thought I'd stop and behave in eating so drank way too much coffee then munched on sliced sweet peppers, literally 5 hours later I had the worst stomach pain ever and diarrhoea but I'm now 4lbs lighter than I was this morning. 0o yay but wtf..

---

[Discussion] Scared to go on antidepressants...
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 15:00:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rzxc/scared_to_go_on_antidepressants/
---
My depression has gotten to the point where I think I almost can't function at a satisfactory/"normal" level anymore, even just doing day-to-day tasks. I want to go talk to a psychiatrist and try to get on some medication, but 1) I don't think I can talk about my depression and not say anything about my ED, since they're very much intertwined, and I don't want anyone to know about my ED; and 2) I heard SSRIs can make you gain weight. I don't know if that's true, or if that's because of patients' behaviors regarding food and nutrition that the medication might encourage rather than it being just the medication itself causing the weight gain, but either way it panics me enough to make me not want to go talk to someone.... What should I do?

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[Rant/Rave] Tfw you look through old photos and want to cry
/u/itistime99
Created: Fri Apr 21 14:48:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rxje/tfw_you_look_through_old_photos_and_want_to_cry/
---
(Sorry can't flair I'm on mobile)
I was looking through these old photos and I stumbled upon some where I am quite skinny, I'm smaller than my dancer friend, but at that time I thought I was so overweight and now I'm restricting so much in order to look like that again it makes me want to cry :(

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[Rant/Rave] how i am vs how i see myself (or how my mind warps my body)
/u/screamingfalcon [5'7.5"/171.45cm | CW: 2fat4me | UGW: 108 | F22]
Created: Fri Apr 21 14:23:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rrym/how_i_am_vs_how_i_see_myself_or_how_my_mind_warps/
---
Not sure what the flair would be for this, but it's kind of a rant?

So I posted (removed it bc I'm worried someone I know IRL found it) on peach, but anyway, both of these photos were taken minutes apart (the one where I'm bigger is using that snapchat filter). My thighs still touch IRL, even though I've lost some weight lately. I don't understand how I view my regular body as overweight and fat, and obese. I know my weight falls within healthy standards. I am not overweight, but I literally just see fat. Sometimes I see skinny briefly. Or normal. But I don't know who or what to trust. Even at my lw, I often felt like the snapchat filter. It breaks my heart that when I finally reach my goal, I will likely still feel like this. It kills me that I could have the most "perfect" model body and never be able to see it. It kills me that I might have a partner that loves my body where I mostly see disgust. Anyway, I wanted to buy that bikini top, but my non snap boobs still feel too big. That's one of the things I hate the most about myself, usually. I hate feeling them on my body.

Recently, I had a nightmare where this girl that used to skinny shame (but has now lost weight) was judging my body, and everywhere I went, I had to angle my body like I do in a mirror to hide the fat I see. And honestly, I feel like that in real life too. I have to wear clothes I feel conceal the problems that I see that day. It's so stressful. I just want to exist without feeling trapped and feeling flesh everywhere??

I'm trying to remember to love my body, and myself, because it's the only body I'll get. I can dislike having fat, but love my body for it being me, right? I will try to mold this body how I see fit, but it keeps me alive. Sometimes I don't want to be alive, but I am trying. Anyway.

I see so many posts about this same/similar thing, how we can't really see ourselves. I just wish we could.

---

[Discussion] Paranoid about angles and distortion
/u/maculazy
Created: Fri Apr 21 13:52:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rlaz/paranoid_about_angles_and_distortion/
---
Lately it has been hard to trust my phone. The front camera has a bit of a fish eye lens and I notice it if I point it at my face some parts seem broader from some angles which make me distrust selfies and that I am not actually skinny. Full body mirrors seem to have slight distortion too and I swear the mirrors in the dance studio were like fun house mirrors stretching vertically no way I look like that? Anyone else get weird around full body mirrors and cameras?

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[Rant/Rave] how i am vs how i see myself (not a progress photo, just want to show how my wind warps my body)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 13:51:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rl6w/how_i_am_vs_how_i_see_myself_not_a_progress_photo/
---
http://imgur.com/tnfGDWE

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[Help] [Advice] in a weak state of my despair I agreed to try things his way
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 223.8 lbs | 39.27| -7 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 13:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rj1w/advice_in_a_weak_state_of_my_despair_i_agreed_to/
---
Hopefully I havent started being annoying on here..

Yesterday I woke up to the horror of gaining 2 lbs. I restricted further from my 1230 calories and only ate 500 cal. My blood sugar was a WRECK and I ended up not being so happy with my boyfriend after our extracurriculars because he told me to look in the mirror during and all I could see was how fat and diagusting I looked so I shut down afterwards. I had a breakdown and probably came off as some psycho bitch, my boyfriend was being sweet about it but I realized I was pushing him further away so me being scared that I'm sabotaging our relationship, I somehow ended up agreeing to try things his way?? But now I'm down 4lbs and this is kinda convincing me I dont need his help. I know weight fluctuates. And I know I couldnt have lost that weight all in a day from just changing my calorie intake for 1 day. But Idk any advice? I'm supposed to be drinking this protein shake he left for me but I have half the mind to just dump it down the sink.

---

Silly ED insanity - delaying food
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 13:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rdu8/silly_ed_insanity_delaying_food/
---
I've managed to maintain...woohoo...not sure :/. I follow my meal plan but still have an interesting habit I developed during the worst of my ED years. I delay food as long as possible even if I know I'll eat the same amount regardless. It's like if I wait the possibility of restricting is still there. Then get pissed at myself because I have to rush and eat, feel full which triggers fear of gain.

Anyone with me in this insanity?

---

[Discussion] DAE have extremely satiating but low cal foods they can always turn to?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 13:10:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66rc3w/dae_have_extremely_satiating_but_low_cal_foods/
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Mine are these little veg samosa things from sainsbury's (124kcal per pack!!), apples (still not sure on calorie count of those) and coke zero (so healthy NOT).

Also please mark "discussion", I'm on mobile and forgot!

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[Thinspo] Summer inspo album
/u/diet247x [5'3 | CW: 135 lbs | -21 lbs | GW: 90 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 12:32:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66r3g9/summer_inspo_album/
---
http://imgur.com/a/WtTNf

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[Help] Freaking out EC stack bronkaid
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Fri Apr 21 12:24:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66r1i3/freaking_out_ec_stack_bronkaid/
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(On mobile can't flair) I accidentally left the empty pill package of bronkaid in the pocket of a jacket of a family member without realizing. Today I went to wear it and I found it in there. I don't have asthma so if I'm ever confronted how do I explain it? Any excuses? I'm desperate.

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[Goal] L o s e r t o w n
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Fri Apr 21 11:51:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66qtmr/l_o_s_e_r_t_o_w_n/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Confession: I REALLY want a dog but I worry my ED makes it not fair to puppy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 11:40:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66qr2t/confession_i_really_want_a_dog_but_i_worry_my_ed/
---
[deleted]

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Ate 2 sushi rolls, promptly purged it. Now walking home (2hrs) as punishment. How are you ?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 11:23:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66qmvg/ate_2_sushi_rolls_promptly_purged_it_now_walking/
---
[removed]

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[Help] [Help]Bronkaid and fast heart rate?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 11:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66qmak/helpbronkaid_and_fast_heart_rate/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] The best tea?
/u/BokuNa [| 5'7 | GW:98 | 21.9 |]
Created: Fri Apr 21 11:14:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66qkqv/the_best_tea/
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What is the best tea to drink when youre on a fast? What teas do you use, and which ones have you noticed work the best to help you lose faster, opposed to only drinking water?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Apr 21 10:31:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66qaul/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/el89sf0hoxsy.jpg

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[Discussion] Activities unrelated to food
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Fri Apr 21 10:15:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66q74n/activities_unrelated_to_food/
---
I've seen a lot of people comment and post about socializing always involving food. I'd like to come up with a list of things we can suggest so we can still get out of the house, but don't have to worry about eating.

Physical Activities:
Walking/hiking: Go find some green space you've never noticed before!
Rock climbing
Dancing: There a plenty of partner dances that are easy to learn, even if you've never set foot on a dance floor. Check out East Coast Swing
Trampoline Park

Misc
Movies
Mall/shopping/goodwill bargain hunting
Tea shop
Museums (Historical, Artistic, Sculpture etc)
Painting with a Twist (BYOB and an instructor guides you to paint. just don't BYOB)
Go to the Zoo
Take dogs to a dog park

Shows
Live bands
Concerts
Circus
Comedy Show (Improv, stand up, open mic nights etc)

---

When you're solo road tripping and get to pick your own snacks
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 10:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66q5fh/when_youre_solo_road_tripping_and_get_to_pick/
---
http://imgur.com/iZjMCFN

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[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I love r/fatlogic, sometimes I really hate it.
/u/theobeseana
Created: Fri Apr 21 10:05:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66q4uv/sometimes_i_love_rfatlogic_sometimes_i_really/
---
https://i.redd.it/zwvieu8sjxsy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] so lost
/u/nchlaz [5'11 | 137 | 18.5 | -70 | M]
Created: Fri Apr 21 10:00:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66q3j8/so_lost/
---
sorry ive never posted can someone tag this as rant?
my dad freaked out when i came home from work yesterday and was trying to force me to have dinner even though it was 10pm. i told him i already ate at work (i actually did) and it escalated into a whole Thing. he was drunk. he has a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders and thinks the whole term itself is a "made up, liberal hippy term to give people an excuse to starve themselves" so its been really frustrating. its almost like fatlogic but like eating disorders. we've had heated discussions about it before and last time he ended up punching two holes in my wall. this time he said "i wasnt aiming for your head when i did that but this time i could be" like.... really? and threatened to hit me if i didnt look at him while he was talking to me multiple times. so i was forced to eat dinner with him. i had 2 bites and washed my plate and saw he was crying and just started packing my stuff and now im at my friends house for the weekend. ive tried so many times to tell him what an eating disorder is and what mine means to me and he literally refuses to listen but then keeps trying to bring it up!!! and ive tried telling him that just because i eat one meal a day that he cooks doesnt mean im recovering. i could just starve myself all day and then eat as little as possible for dinner. like i need to deal with my mental issues that force me to cope by starving myself. but he doesnt get it and i just dont know what to do.

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[Goal] A successful week and feeling unstoppable
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 09:43:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pzn4/a_successful_week_and_feeling_unstoppable/
---
I hit my highest weight of 130 recently, and even as recent as Monday I saw 133 on the scale, which really shocked me into action.

Today I weighted in at 126. Eating maybe 500 calories and training 3-4 hours a day, so I definitely am not doing this the healthy way. But if I were, I'd be posting in r/loseit, not r/proed.

I lost 7 lbs in 4 days. I will fucking make it to 115. And then I'll make it to 110. And then 100. Just fucking watch me.

---

[Discussion] On writing about eating disorders.
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Fri Apr 21 09:41:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pzc6/on_writing_about_eating_disorders/
---
Has anyone else ever done school projects/ essays about EDs? Recently I had to write a paper about stigmatization and EDs and pretending to write about it as an outsider is... fucking odd.
You read all these articles that you would be appalled by, that describe behaviours as if they were completely extreme that are/ seem completely normal and routine to me. articles that make people with EDs so fragile and broken and vulnerable when in reality... we aren't? I mean, we're here and it takes a shitload of strength to get through everyday, every meal, every interaction. It's just a really odd experience to try to learn the outside perspectives on EDs. I mean most of these articles were scientific but they still made it seem like ed behavior/ people with eds are subhuman, things to be studied and wondered about because its just "not normal".also maybe it was the articles i read but they all mostly talked about eds being related to weight, especially the main goal being weight loss when in reality there's so much versatility in the causes of EDs and the types of EDs. idk i think im just overwhelmed right now with schoolwork and this assignment took a weird toll on me.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] WHY does so much of socializing have to involve food?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 09:36:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66py51/rant_why_does_so_much_of_socializing_have_to/
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So annoyed! Always end up breaking my fast because friends want to get food and force it on me. I can't purge because I promise myself I won't, but then I just end up depressed and really unstable for the rest of the day? Can't I have fun with friends and not melt into a depressed puddle at the end of the day because of food? UGH

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like a fake.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 09:33:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pxhk/i_feel_like_a_fake/
---
On mobile, can't flair. Rant/rave.

I finally got into the perfect restricting/fasting cycle. I lost 10 pounds in two weeks, and I was feeling amazing!

But then I got sick. It's either the flu or a really bad cold; at this point I really don't care. All I know is that my whole body hurts, and I have gone back to binging. I am at war with myself. Half of me knows that my body needs the food in order to heal and get better, but the other half of me is angry with myself. I have gained 5 pounds this week. Part of that might be water weight, as I have been pounding the fluids. But I feel fake, like I don't really have an ED (even though I know that I do) just because I am eating like a "normal" person would. I'm not counting calories right now, I've just been eating whatever I crave. It's not even healthy things, either. Ice cream, chocolate, chips, soup, egg rolls, pizza, you name it.

I just want to feel better so I can get back to restricting. I only feel good when I feel empty. I want to see the numbers on the scale go down again. I feel so guilty for treating my own illness with food. Thank you guys for letting me rant here.

---

[Rant/Rave] Legit having a breakdown
/u/Vegan_mermaid [5'2" | 94 lb | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 08:36:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pkme/legit_having_a_breakdown/
---
As context for anyone who doesn't know me (I don't really post much, mostly comment), I'm in my late 20s, married, have a good job, have a full blown ED for the past like two decades pretty much. Thought I wanted to recover. Have been hanging between 90-95lb since July to appease husband & in-laws. Left to my own devices, would prefer to keep losing. Which no one gives me fucking credit for, god damn it. Husband flat out refuses to believe I've maintained despite my RD and MD's scales showing the same damn thing.

The only other thing pushing me towards treatment is the horrible crippling isolation of the ED.

I'm a cpa and we just wrapped up busy season and for some reason I arbitrarily decided if I hadn't recovered on my own by now I'd do a program. I was even excited for this months and weeks and even days ago. Hopeful. Optimistic.

This week I went back in to my program of choice for orientation and shit, and I've been having full out panic attacks

I don't want to give up the ED
I don't want to give up my food rituals
I don't want to give up my stupid body checks

This is the only thing I have that's all mine, it's the only consistent source of comfort in my life

My husband has major hormonal and mental health issues and he's not always able to be there for me

Like I've begged him to go to drs appointments with me and hes never up to it, he always feels too crappy; he can't even make it in to class half the time. No way is he going to make it in to these family nights at the program. So I'll still, I'll have support DURING the program but what about outside those walls?

Besides this is my only vice god damnit, I don't smoke or drink or gamble or spend money on myself, I don't get manicures or go for spa days or on shopping trips. If I want to let myself have my ED instead of all that other shit, isn't that my choice, my right??? This sounds dumb but I've wanted to take a day trip with husband for my bday/our anniversary for the past few years and we just never do it. So why can't his gift to me be letting me keep the ED instead?

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[Rant/Rave] Having to come off phentermine and I'm terrified about what that means for the future of my weight loss.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|CW 143|-12|UGW 115]
Created: Fri Apr 21 08:35:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pkd9/having_to_come_off_phentermine_and_im_terrified/
---
Basically phentermine has made me crazy, suicidal, angry, hostile, sad, and more anxious than ever. Apparently this is pretty common if you're already depressed/have anxiety when you start taking it. And apparently, if you aren't obese or are only slightly "overweight" and you start taking it, the side effects tend to be much worse. My doctor prescribed it to me but I was only about 10lbs overweight for my height.

Anyway, it's basically causing my relationship to fall apart so I want to stop taking it but I'm terrified that I'll start eating again and be a fatass forever. I have lost about 10lbs since I started taking it last week.

Ugh. Not sure what I'm even posting for. I'm just sad. I finally found something that worked and now I'm doomed to be a fatass forever because my miracle pill makes me crazy.

I've never been this heavy in my life and I hate myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] Reversed all my progress this month.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 08:34:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pk2u/reversed_all_my_progress_this_month/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 21, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 08:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pfur/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for February 03, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

**Rules**

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use [imgur](http://imgur.com/) or the native Reddit image uploader as a host.

Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, inspiration behind your OOTD (trying to look thin or cover up weightloss, etc.)!

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Rant/Rave] Laxative not working over the course of two days - even though I really need it to work! Anyone have experience with this? TMI warning.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 07:49:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66pakm/laxative_not_working_over_the_course_of_two_days/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fought with boyfriend last night, then fought with myself over a milkshake...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 07:28:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66p6d2/fought_with_boyfriend_last_night_then_fought_with/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so pathetic
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Fri Apr 21 07:25:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66p5sj/im_so_pathetic/
---
I keep trying to restrict and this week I've done fairly well but today (Friday: the day I reserve all calories I can for alcohol because the week is long and I deserve at least that much) I spent all morning daydreaming of food and then lunch turned from nothing to a pack of low calorie popcorn to that and a packet of crisps. Full calorie oily crisps. I'm so gross.

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[Rant/Rave] So angry
/u/lessavauges [5'10 | CW: 137 | GW: 126 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 07:22:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66p584/so_angry/
---
My ex didn't even wait three days until he got Tinder back. Finding out from someone he matched with made me burst into tears in the middle of a club, and I currently feel like absolute shit.
On the plus side, I haven't been able to eat and I'm currently at my lowest weight since high school, which I'm going to shove into his face. I'm sorry if this isn't so related, I just needed somewhere to vent and this place is such a close community to me :(((( at least all this anger is fueling me instead of food >:(

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I should not have checked my BMI
/u/scribbledoll
Created: Fri Apr 21 06:59:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66p0wl/rant_i_should_not_have_checked_my_bmi/
---
[removed]

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 21 06:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66orh1/daily_food_diary_april_21_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Anyone set different calorie goals for weekends?
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 157 | GW 120 | -19 | 22F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 05:09:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66oilq/anyone_set_different_calorie_goals_for_weekends/
---
I flip between restricting and binging and find weekends really hard to restrict. On week days I'm staying under 600 but I was thinking about raising that to 1,000 on weekends. Hopefully the extra room will make me feel a bit more comfortable but still keep me away from a binge.

 

Anyone had success with having different goals on different days?

 

Edit: Feel like I should add some more info. The reason I'm asking this is because I'm finding it really hard to enjoy my weekends and spend time with friends whilst restricting. I'm trying to plan my calories for this evening and I'm panicking. Usually when I get like this I'll say fuck it and order pizza and shit. Hopefully allowing myself extra will take away some of the anxiety.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] i'm so sick of binging
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 03:03:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66o1yu/rantrave_im_so_sick_of_binging/
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i don't even want to do this anymore, i'm not having cravings anymore but it just happens. i feel so lethargic and my skin feels so greasy. why am i doing this these mini eggs taste like shit but i'm still gonna eat this giant ass bag of them.

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[Discussion] Binged & still lost weight ?!
/u/w4tercup
Created: Fri Apr 21 01:26:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66nqmj/binged_still_lost_weight/
---
im kinda shocked rn... I binged for like three days straight and still lost like 2-3 lbs. holy shit. I remember telling myself to not check the scale after a binge session cuz I kno how damaging it is when i do, but i couldnt help myself. Im actually happy but no more binging for me loll

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[Rant/Rave] Not eating "enough" causes your body to hold on to everything because it's panicking!
/u/AngelicZero [5'5.5"| Hate It | High | -33 lbs | GW:115 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 01:00:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66nnbg/not_eating_enough_causes_your_body_to_hold_on_to/
---
Edit: I'm on mobile I'm sorry. I guess this is a rant

Nooooooo!!! Lol tonight my fwb said this to me because the topic of him not eating enough and it not being good came up. I mentioned I definitely can afford to miss meals since I'm losing weight (I told him I was too lazy to make lunch today and just didn't eat). He tried to tell me if I miss meals I won't lose weight and that it's bad for me.

I just lied there in silence and let him finish and said "Not at all. " and went into the healthy weight loss arguments and cico.

I WANTED to say "I normally eat like 200 calories a day and the weight FALLS off. Those myths are just myths. " and then bring up water retention due to severe restriction, metabolic rate lowering because there is less of you to keep alive (tdee), wooshes, etc. I held back though because I know it's not smart to tell most people how I have fallen back into my old ways. :/

Sometimes when these topics arise with friends I'll say things like "When I was younger I didn't eat for 3 days." Etc so it seems like the disordered eating is over... but I just didn't want to be vulnerable right then. I already had a big debate yesterday with a friend that resulted in my telling them I'd been abused as a child and then raped again at 18. :/

I just didn't want to be vulnerable again.

Seriously, why do people think these things about weight loss? If this is true how does anyone die from starvation!?! I guess I really can survive on sunlight and co2.

---

[Discussion] What's the lowest you've restricted for an extended period of time and how long was it?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 21 00:40:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66nkpg/whats_the_lowest_youve_restricted_for_an_extended/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] You dont own me pizza!
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 21 00:04:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66ng4k/you_dont_own_me_pizza/
---
[Rave]

My BF had a bunch of our mutual friends over to our apartment tonight and they decided to order pizza.


They got like 5 large pizzas from dominos.
I was having such a good day. ( liquid fast. )
I managed to just have my coffee and a home made mio+water ice lolli.

So i was super worried and getting all anxious and crazy minded about how many calories would be in a slice. wether or not to eat a slice then purge or to take a slice and go c/s in the bathroom when nobody was looking.


When the pizza came i waited till everyone was eating and went to investigate the cheesy demon.
But i stopped and looked around and the sounds and smells and sights of everyone gorging themselves on this nasty ass calorie dense garbage made me feel superior to them for having the self control not to put that shit in my body.
And i just walked away and sat back on the couch and continued to play my videogames.

So ya. Take that pizza! You greasy bastard!

Pizza came and

---

Has anyone had an experience with juicing?
/u/skaggs123
Created: Thu Apr 20 23:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66n8td/has_anyone_had_an_experience_with_juicing/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I just want it to stop [rant]
/u/PepsiMakSe
Created: Thu Apr 20 22:10:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66mzk7/i_just_want_it_to_stop_rant/
---
For the last few months I've been binging really bad. Like I eat healthy or I fast, and then I eat literally EVERYTHING in the house. To the point I feel sick, I can stuff 5000kcal easily in just a couple of hours. I used to be 56kg at my lowest, gained to 65kg and that's when I started restricking. Now I'm 70 bloody kilos (150lbs i think) and I just keep doing this to myself. Never am I hungry I just binge at night. It's making me sick and I can't stop it. I just want to fast and be at my GW.This feels so disgusting, I'm jiggly and I can feel fat all over me.This is not my body I hate myself so much. Sorry for the rant I'm at a really bad stage in my life right now.

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[Discussion] I'm a stress eater, and ate two Chipotle burritos for lunch.
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Thu Apr 20 21:41:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66mun4/im_a_stress_eater_and_ate_two_chipotle_burritos/
---
I had a big presentation to do today and last minute I realized a video I needed to present didn't work. To make myself feel better I ordered 2 Chipotle burritos. Mmmm...2000 calories, by my estimate.

Decent lunch, made me feel better, technically still negative 500 calories, but it could have been much worse. Was considering eating two pizzas. D:

Do you guys do this?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I am a gross pig that cant stop eating and I dont belong here
/u/lileruneal
Created: Thu Apr 20 21:21:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66mrbh/rant_i_am_a_gross_pig_that_cant_stop_eating_and_i/
---
Please feel free to ignore this, I just need to get this out where people understand/won't judge.

I had such a good week last week, I got my whoosh and maintained a really low intake and even though I went a little over on my maintenance day I still ended the week with a solid calorie deficit. And I felt amazing!!

This week has been nothing but eating, all the time, and granted I'm still 1000 calories below my TDEE almost everyday, but it's not enough and I need to eat nothing and be skinny and I need it now. I try not to eat but then I get lightheaded and faint and feel like crap and go oh just a little bit won't hurt and then I eat 5 different things and snack on this and that. I haven't even been able to keep up my IF let alone any other fast.

So in order to not let this week be a waste, and since I have no self control because I'm a fat pig (who doesn't even have a real ED because I can't stop eating!) I am going to have to spend this weekend at the gym when I have 2 essays to write and meals to prep (ha) and a million other things to do.

Thank you if you bothered to read through this. I'm going to go to sleep and try again tomorrow, cause that's all I can do. 😔 I hope y'all are having a better week!

---

[Help] so I'm at my highest weight and I have to be in a bathing suit by july...
/u/get-it_together [5'3" | hahaha kill me | UGW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 21:09:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66mp3j/so_im_at_my_highest_weight_and_i_have_to_be_in_a/
---
Between binging, birth control, and prozac, I'm at my highest weight fucking ever and I feel like a whale. To make matters worse, I'm basically going to be living/working with a group of kids and the family has a pool and goes to the beach regularly. Ya'll. I look horrible in every bathing suit AND I sweat like a pig in the heat.

Does anyone have any advice for sweating less, picking a bathing suit, etc???

---

[Rant/Rave] You can still lose weight if you eat more than expected right?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~47.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Thu Apr 20 20:13:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66mesa/you_can_still_lose_weight_if_you_eat_more_than/
---
150 calories in soup which was planned. Mind racing. Go for a long walk. 170 calories burned. Give in. Candy adding to 340. Unplanned dinner. Meal totaling 450 calories.

150+340+450= 940 - 170 = 770

Totally feasable to lose more weight with this total. Right? I just have to not eat anymore.

So why do I feel so bloated and disgusting?

I already took my sleeping meds. Washed the pills down with some zzzquil. I just need to fall asleep and tomorrow will feel better, yeah? A new day.

This is so rambly and more of a dairy post than anything constructive or positive or helpful. I'm sorry for being so negative.

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE hate their body so much that they wish they weren't the sex that they were? [rant]
/u/chloelouiise
Created: Thu Apr 20 19:32:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66m6zp/dae_hate_their_body_so_much_that_they_wish_they/
---
This isn't me coming out as transgender or genderfluid (not that there's anything wrong with that!), I'm perfectly comfortable with the fact that I am a female but I am 142lbs (4lbs off my 1st weight goal!) and I have relatively slim arms, legs, neck, face. But my god, do I have tits and hips. I am a 32f/30g (UK) depending on what weight I am at the time, and my weight goes on to them and my hips and lower stomach! I know I would weigh so much less if I didn't have hips or boobs and I hate it so much!

That's not even getting me started on male vs female metabolisms... WTF WHY AM I BUILT THIS WAY?

---

[Rant/Rave] Goal for tonight?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 19:07:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66m2ba/goal_for_tonight/
---
Binge and smoke until idgaf about my binge. Hi 3000+ 😅

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[Help] Do any of you do exercises from YouTube? If so, who do you watch?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 20 18:36:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66lwd4/do_any_of_you_do_exercises_from_youtube_if_so_who/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Rave sandwich
/u/juniper5572 [170cm | GW 57kg | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 18:12:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66lrhe/rave_sandwich/
---
A rant/rave/rant sandwich.

FIRST SLICE OF RANT
Does anyone else feel so self conscious buying diet foods? Especially if you are overweight, but either way.
So I had done my regular food shopping for the family at Aldi. They don't have a huge amount in the way of diet foods though, for that I had to head over to Coles (one of the big two supermarkets in Australia).
I go pick out my carton of Pepsi Max vanilla, and a small carton of Kirk's sugar free creaming soda. Then I go get some sugar free jelly (jello). Then I peruse the frozen isles, wondering if Coles gets Halo Top like I've seen Woolies has (they don't). But they have some sugar free dessert things. Cool, I'll get those.
But this is all I have in my trolley. I feel so fucking self conscious. Like people are thinking "lol look at that fatty with all her diet foods. Obviously not working". Anyway, on to the

(thin smear of) RAVEY FILLING
I had bought a packet of wine gums from Aldi because I remembered liking them. I had a few and came to the realisation that actually, these are shit and not worth it. And while I was in the checkout at Coles, I was next to a little rubbish bin. And I threw them away! I hardly ever manage to throw food away, I can't escape the food waste guilt.

THE SECOND SLICE OF RANT
And its a thick slice too. So I get home, the kids and husband are having frozen pizza. I dutifully open my can of soup, and heat it up to eat at the same time they eat.
And I eat that.
And then I eat fucking four slices of pizza too, when I said I wouldn't eat anything else.
And one of those 'skinny' desserts because apparently I'm all in at this point.
BLERGH WHYYYYYY

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Does anyone else like writing pretty lists detailing goals or food/exercise plans?
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 223.8 lbs | 39.27| -7 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 18:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66lquy/discussion_does_anyone_else_like_writing_pretty/
---
My sister collects a lot of stationary. Pretty pens and notebooks. I, through her, have also adopted this hobby.

Does anyone else love writing out extremely neat/pretty/organized lists of safe foods, exercise plans or goals?

I recently moved and dont have a lot of that stuff anymore. But my compulsive side is itching to start collecting these things again and writing things out to be more organized and keep my goals in mind.

Anyone else think like this or enjoy doing this? I find it extremely calming.

---

[Discussion] Discussion regarding chew/spit?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 125 | -9 lbs ]
Created: Thu Apr 20 18:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66lqi9/discussion_regarding_chewspit/
---
There's, of course, a lot of differing experiences and feelings regarding this act. I usually see that it provokes people to actually binge or get more hungry afterwards. People tend to feel disgusting doing it. Wasteful, etc.


I tend to eat for texture and taste so c/s usually satiates my craving to eat something especially if I know I would have felt SUPER guilty after potentially eating something. I also have this mixed sensation after doing it where it feels like I'm full but also hungry?? I'm ngl, it sometimes messes with my "regular" days too where I don't do it because sometimes I can't tell if I'm full or hungry because I think I associate both with each other now. Does anyone else get that? I don't feel particularly disgusting when I do it, I don't feel good or good looking when doing it either but I sometimes feel alright after finishing a "session". I got to relatively enjoy the part of food that I like with minimal calories or restricted calories (eat a portion of it and spit the rest). It's irrational of me and not a healthy habit, but there are some days where I can't bring myself to swallow all that food.


Your guys' thoughts and experiences? Also sorry, I'm on mobile, could this get flaired for discussion please?

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[Discussion] [discussion] I have eight (eight!) Different types of veggie burger in my freezer
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 17:57:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66lon7/discussion_i_have_eight_eight_different_types_of/
---
I just kinda thought this was hilarious and had to share.

Think I have a bit of a food hoarding problem, I have to have too many of my staples so I never run out. Curious if anyone else has something odd like this going on. :)


P.s. I recently tried La Croix. New addiction. I blame this sub. Thank you 💟

---

[Other] I was seriously under estimating my coffee
/u/losingluna
Created: Thu Apr 20 16:47:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66lasq/i_was_seriously_under_estimating_my_coffee/
---
TIFU ED version

Of course being vegan and living off of almond milk, I thought I could put "milk" in my coffee and it wouldn't matter much. I usually have anywhere between 2-8 (I know, I shouldn't) cups of coffee a day. I'd just go, putting in a shit ton of milk, sugar ofc because I can't live without coffee and I can't drink coffee without a spoon of sugar.

Well last week I started feeling really shitty and I couldn't sleep so I kind of stopped drinking coffee. I lost 5lbs, 5LBS, from not having coffee. I wasn't even counting that week because, like I said, I was feeling shitty.

So today I measured out my coffee like usual, 1/2cup of almond milk, 1tsp of sugar, and 1tsp of hot chocolate power because I'm addicted. My coffee, turns out, is 65 calories. Really not a dig deal if I'm only having a cup or two, but 8??? That's a fucking lot. No wonder I haven't been losing since November!

Anyways, glad I figured this out. I'm still going to make my coffee the way I do, but I'm definitely cutting back to 2 cups per day max. If you have any stories about underestimating food/not counting a specific thing and it turns out to be the whole problem, I would love to hear them so I don't feel like such a dumb ass.

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[Other] How long does it take for weight loss from calorie restriction to show, biologically/scientifically?
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 125 | 20.2 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 16:34:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66l7wa/how_long_does_it_take_for_weight_loss_from/
---
This is a weirdly specific question, but I'm just curious if anyone knows how "long" it takes on average for the results from calorie restriction to show on the body--because I assume it's not just immediate/ overnight. Thanks!

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[Other] Thinspo music dump/suggestions [other]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Thu Apr 20 16:22:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66l5i9/thinspo_music_dumpsuggestions_other/
---
It's been a while since I've seen one of these!

I've perfected a playlist that captures the feelings I get when restricting/fasting. Some of them don't actually mention bodies or thinness but they make me feel ethereal and beautiful. Here go.

Water Me - FKA Twigs
Two Weeks - FKA Twigs
Angel - Massive Attack
Hunger of the Pine - Alt J
Breezeblocks - Alt J
Bloodflood - Alt J
Interlude 1 - Alt J
Blinding - Florence and the Machine
I Will Be - Florence and the Machine
Never Let Me Go - Florence and the Machine
Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier
Like Real People Do - Hozier
In A Week - Hozier
Sedated - Hozier
My Body - Perfume Genius
Army Of Me (Suckerpunch Remix) - Bjork
Gooey - Glass Animals
Toes - Glass Animals
The Greatest - Sia
Where is my Mind - Yoav
Dirty Hole - VAST

Please enjoy and post your own!

---

[Discussion] EGCG Extract vs EC Stack?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 16:14:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66l3ns/egcg_extract_vs_ec_stack/
---
EGCG aka Green Tea versus EC stacking? How do both work? Is one more dangerous than the other?

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[Discussion] Is anyone else super curious to know what everyone else looks like?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Thu Apr 20 15:45:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kxh9/is_anyone_else_super_curious_to_know_what/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My friends love me even though I'm not skinny any more and I want to cry
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Thu Apr 20 15:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kwpf/my_friends_love_me_even_though_im_not_skinny_any/
---
I had an overeating day again today. Not binging, just ate way more than my TDEE. I really AM trying to forgive myself because there are reasons for it that I can pinpoint and learn from, and it's not diabolical, like 1/3rd of an lb at most - if that, because that's based on my lower activity TDEE and I havn't been lower activity this week...

But of course, I despise myself for it, and feel fat, and worthless, and useless.

I do an event on Saturday mornings called parkrun. It's my 50th parkrun this Saturday, and it's something to celebrate. I knew one of my running buddies was going to run with me, but two others I 'knew' wouldn't be..

One, because she suffers from depression and anxiety disorder. She stopped going to parkrun because she felt majorly pressured because it was timed, and was terrified of the thought of running it and being judged.

The other because her boyfriend is the organiser of the parkrun, and he ended up cheating on her with another woman who joined the parkrun and then got together with her - and they will both be there. He was also AWFUL about it all towards my friend. So, naturally, she does not want to be around them AT ALL.

But tonight, whilst thoroughly hating myself and everything about myself, I get a message from them both in our Facebook group message chat telling me they will BOTH be there to run with me for my 50th parkrun despite these things.

I mean like.. guys... these guys are braving their fears and something majorly uncomfortable for both of them just to run with ME and celebrate with ME?! My heart just exploded tbh, I couldn't believe it. More than that, they seem really excited about it and happy to be running with me too... despite those awful things they have to brave/deal with.

Of course logically I know true good friends wont care if I am skinny or fat or not. It has no bearing on them. It's not like they have to find me attractive to be friends with me, you know. I don't care a jot about the weight or body shape of my friends.

But.. you guys understand right? It's so hard to feel worthwhile or worth anyones effort or time at all. I have gained over winter and felt like I had disappointed everyone and let everyone down (most of all myself) and was so worthless and pointless, yet my friends still seem to love me.

I dunno guys. ED head fuck. I don't know how to explain... but I think this is the best place for people to understand without me having to know how to explain..

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] Friend asked if I was pregnant
/u/Lucky_Finn [5'0"| 145 | 27.5 l F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 15:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kvih/rant_friend_asked_if_i_was_pregnant/
---
A friend that I hadn't seen in about a month pulled my fiance aside last night to ask if I was pregnant! I most definitely am not. I've never felt like more of a fat cow in my entire life.

I tried to rationalize it saying that the skirt I was wearing hit me at a weird angle and my fiance goes 'however you try to justify it, you do have a bit of a tummy.' UGH!!!!

Nothing like a comment like that to trigger a 'how long can i fast' moment. I'm up to about 20hrs. I'm going to keep going until my hunger is more prevalent than my RAGE. It might take a while. Like, WHAT THE HELL!!!!!

---

[Help] [Question] Bronkaid?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 15:13:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kqc8/question_bronkaid/
---
Is Bronkaid used just as an appetite suppressant, or does it help people lose weight another way as well? It doesn't help me feel any less hungry and so I'm wondering if I should just stop taking it.

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[Rant/Rave] I finally feel so happy
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 14:43:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kj9u/i_finally_feel_so_happy/
---
At the beginning of February, I hit 116 lbs with a goal of 115. However, I never even got to see 115 because March started, and it turned into a binge month.

March was really, really bad for me. The scale reached 128, and I broke down.

I started taking Prozac at the beginning of this month. My emotions are admittedly a little flat, but I haven't had urges to binge in a while.
I weighted myself today at 115.7!!!

I can't believe I'm below where I was at before March. We can overcome our hardships. I believe in us <3

---

[Discussion] sudden restlessness??
/u/wildhaired [5'5.5" | 17.6 | F | GW: 105]
Created: Thu Apr 20 14:23:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kecl/sudden_restlessness/
---
Has anyone else gotten restless and weird agitated energy when dropping weight? I'm at the lowest weight I've been at in quite a while and am wondering if there's some correlation. I constantly feel like I have to move around, jiggle my leg, shake my foot... it's weird and annoying. like the energy is trying to get out of me but I can't get it out...

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[Rant/Rave] Purging is the worst.
/u/skinnywishes11 [5'6 | 116 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 14:20:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kdt2/purging_is_the_worst/
---
I've been freaking myself out over the potential horrible/fatal/long term health effects of purging lately. I've been bulimic for what feels like my whole life, though in reality it's about 7 years.

I'm on day three purge free (!!!!!!) because I'm trying SO HARD to convince myself it's worth it to stop for good. But jesus! It is difficult! I just had a mini-binge and it's taking everything not to walk five feet to the bathroom and get rid of it. But, I'm trying. Because we all deserve to live long lives, and we gotta remind ourselves of that sometimes.

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[Rant/Rave] I've made it through the day!
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Thu Apr 20 14:17:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66kczs/ive_made_it_through_the_day/
---
Oh my God, I just checked my watch and it's almost 10! (Yeah time zones). I am SO RELIEVED.

I bought a bag (actually two, fuck these discounts) of gummy bears and ate 150g of it which added more than four hundred calories to my intake but I DIDN'T BINGE (and still got a decent deficit)! Gosh I am so happy. I was so sure these stupid gummy bears would be gone before tomorrow.

Ah that sweet relief when you've distracted yourself the last couple of hours with meal prep (spicy rice + veggies), reddit and youtube and you check your clock just to see that it's finally legit to prepare yourself for going to bed! And sleep is basically a time machine to breakfast so breakfast here I come!

I hope your day was as great as mine and thank you for keeping this sub alive because I'm officially addicted to reading all of your posts and food diaries and comments :)

---

[Tip] Soja Organic Drinking Vinegar
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Thu Apr 20 13:40:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66k3wn/soja_organic_drinking_vinegar/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Can laxatives mess up your stomach for days? (TMI incoming)
/u/apidose_pile
Created: Thu Apr 20 13:35:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66k2tu/can_laxatives_mess_up_your_stomach_for_days_tmi/
---
I accidentally ate way too many chocolate laxatives. It was my first time ever using them. I've been pooping water for 5 days straight, and vomiting some too. The doc said its a stomach flu, but I didn't mention the laxatives. Help

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[Rant/Rave] Trying to eliminate temptation
/u/Deloony
Created: Thu Apr 20 13:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jvva/trying_to_eliminate_temptation/
---
I always stock my fridge really full of snack items when my boyfriend is over, and if I don't he ends up doing it for me. He's already super skinny, so I don't want to ban snack food for him.

I've managed to freeze all of the bread type food so that I can't just grab it, plus any leftovers from meals.

Chocolate/fruit juice tends to be a problem for me, as does cheese.Veggies are also a problem, but they're a safe food so I'm okay with binging on them.

Anything that I can just pick up and eat is such a problem and I end up binging on it. It's as if it removes my ability to consciously make the decision to eat if it's too easy, and I go on autopilot.

I don't own a toaster or a microwave for this reason, to make preparing food on a whim more difficult.

The answer is probably meal prepping, and only having snack food for my boyfriend that I don't like, but just wanted to rant :(

---

[Discussion] I'm considering collecting pins to motivate me...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 20 13:01:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jutb/im_considering_collecting_pins_to_motivate_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What's your top 5?
/u/pirtlepower [5''5" l LW 80 l HW 180 l CW 118| 19.6 l GW ?l F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:51:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jsfc/whats_your_top_5/
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1. Safe foods
2. Favorite Exercises
3. Favorite movies
4. Favorite Books
5. Obsessive habits

Mine are:
1. Cabbage, beef, pickles, garlic and cucumbers w/ lemon
2. Squats, Pull Ups, 1 hr + on elliptical, yoga, leg raises
3. Seven Pounds, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Thin, Gone Girl, Girl Interrupted
4. Love Warrior, Wasted, Madness, Becoming a Supple Leopard, The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo
5. Cleaning, organizing (it's a different category entirely ;), exercising, meal planning/cooking, Reddit checking lol

---

[Discussion] How much diet drinks do you consume in a day?
/u/sjjshshshs
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:23:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jlrf/how_much_diet_drinks_do_you_consume_in_a_day/
---
I swear to go Diet Pepsi runs in my bloodstream.

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[Rant/Rave] 🎉|Rave/rant| I broke 130ヽ(；▽；)ノ🎉
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |126.7| WL: 93.4 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:21:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jlhb/raverant_i_broke_130ヽノ/
---
Made it my bitch. I refused to take the scale at face value when it said I had maintained all this week so I weighed myself a few more times and it consistently said 129.2! /though I'm logging it as 129.6 just to be safe/ I've lost 90 fucking pounds. The thing is, I feel pretty apathetic towards that number. Like, maybe I'll be happy once I reach my first GW but I feel like I should feel...idk giddier now. I'm trying to play it up in my head and look in the mirror to see if I notice any changes/thankfully today I do/ but I feel pretty 'meh' about the whole thing. I used to get so excited over losing weight each week but now it feels like a requirement rather than an accomplishment, y'know?

---

[Rant/Rave] How the hell is this happening again
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:15:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jjxu/how_the_hell_is_this_happening_again/
---
[Rant/rave] I'm in the bathroom crying because I don't know what my body is telling me. I just ate dinner like 5 mins ago and am now experiencing the kind of life or death hunger I've been describing. It's so strong that I can't even tell if it's veering into insane nausea. This is the third night this has happened and I just can't do this anymore. It has been like clockwork, 7pm every fucking day. :(

---

[Discussion] Performers: how do you cope?
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:13:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jj8j/performers_how_do_you_cope/
---
Actors, dancers, etc....how do you manage restriction when you're working your ass off? I get nervous about feeling faint on stage, and the pre-show and post-show hangouts are FILLED with food. What do you eat that's minimal that keeps you from dying on stage, lol?

---

[Discussion] Telling friends
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:06:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jhni/telling_friends/
---
How much do y'all tell your friends about your ED and ED behaviours? Im friends with some very mental health positive people and we talk about the vanilla mental health issues, depression, anxiety, but talking about ED stuff feels very different to me?
Curious to know what everyone elses experiences are with being open or not with friends

---

[Thinspo] Summer thinspo featuring short girls
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 12:06:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jhl3/summer_thinspo_featuring_short_girls/
---
http://imgur.com/a/ELgyw

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[Discussion] Does anyone else wear clothes that look really gross (too tight or an unflattering cut) to motivate them through the day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 20 11:49:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66jdjp/does_anyone_else_wear_clothes_that_look_really/
---
[deleted]

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How to get parents off my back for not eating enough?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 20 11:23:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66j6ux/how_to_get_parents_off_my_back_for_not_eating/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Pepsi Max is honestly my favorite thing. Plus bonus heater in the corner since I'm cold, all the time.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|CW 143|-12|UGW 115]
Created: Thu Apr 20 11:15:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66j4xj/pepsi_max_is_honestly_my_favorite_thing_plus/
---
http://imgur.com/DUkcOOc

---

[Goal] I ate just one piece of pizza
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 10:58:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66j0mw/i_ate_just_one_piece_of_pizza/
---
I'm over my tdee, but I have succesfully stopped a potential binge and that makes it all worth it :') Gonna have some water and then go to bed, cheers <3

---

[Rant/Rave] I've gained back all the weight I lost this month
/u/Kisugi_Ace [176 cm | CW : 67.5 kg | GW : 55kg | Female]
Created: Thu Apr 20 10:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66iwt5/ive_gained_back_all_the_weight_i_lost_this_month/
---
2 kg. In a week and a half. I was in a severe binge cycle.
I am so disgusting. I want to die. Its not even like I'm thin, I am genuinely fat and the more I loose time the more I stay fat and suffer.
I think I can start to restrict again now, but I won't fast, it triggers the binges. I am currently crying, I am sorry if I post too much, but I'm so alone with that. My friends want me to stop my diet and offer me boxes of chocolate and pizza even though they know I cry after I eat. I can't talk to anyone about how it brings me to despair.
Sorry again.

---

[Rant/Rave] Proud of myself!
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 137.0 | BMI 21.14 | GW 125 | 18 F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 10:18:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66ir9f/proud_of_myself/
---
[rant/rave] - on mobile can't tag (sorry!)

So my sister baked cookies... like fresh, gooey, chocolatey, melty, angels singing, orgasmically delicious chocolate chip cookies. I took one even though I knew I would regret it *so* very much after eating it. But lo and behold, God shone his holy light upon me and I saw my megalodon sized thighs in the mirror and lost my appetite enough to throw the rest of the cookie away. Self control. 😎

---

[Help] How to handle off-hand or well-intentioned comments about food?
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Thu Apr 20 10:06:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66io5p/how_to_handle_offhand_or_wellintentioned_comments/
---
How do you deal with well-intentioned comments about food? I am a vegetarian so I bring my own food when I work (bartender in a steak house) and long story short we all went to the diner late last night after getting exceptionally drunk and a few of my coworkers commented about how they had never seen me eat so much before.
I just blinked and wanted the floor to open up. Why didn't I just only eat a few bites, like I knew I should have? I could have stopped but I just wanted to drunkenly enjoy my omelette without judgement.
And while I am aware that it was not coming from a place of judgement I am now terribly bent out of shape over it. I like my coworkers a great deal and rationally understand what they were saying but... yay brain having a spaz.
Any advice on how one should react in said situation?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else find their obsessive tendencies creeping over into this sub?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Thu Apr 20 09:21:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66idfq/does_anyone_else_find_their_obsessive_tendencies/
---
I swear I refresh for new posts like a hundred times a day. Post new things so I have something to read please.

---

[Rant/Rave] Fuck McDonald's
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | GW: 120 | -15 | F20]
Created: Thu Apr 20 08:22:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66hzs5/fuck_mcdonalds/
---
I've realized that this is one of those things that I'm likely overreacting to, and that it's directly because of my ED but here goes.

I stopped in at McDonald's this morning to get some coffee. Small, black coffee. The guy right behind me also ordered a small coffee. With four sugars. And they mixed them up. My reaction was basically a mix of anxiety and anger while I spit it back into the cup and walked back in to try and actually get a black coffee. The woman behind the counter's response? "*Annoyed sigh* Are you sure you can't just drink it?"

I'm sorry if I shouldn't post this here but I'm so upset over something as stupid as this and it's not like anyone around me will understand why 4 sugars in a coffee messed me up so much.

---

[Discussion] DAE love drinking but can't stop thinking about the calories at the same time?
/u/kieran01pd2016 [6' | CW169 | BMI24.25| UGW143 | 18-M]
Created: Thu Apr 20 08:19:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66hz71/dae_love_drinking_but_cant_stop_thinking_about/
---
So I'm a guy and all my "friends" love having their drinks every weekend (mainly beer). As much as I enjoy getting drunk with them and continuing with my hooligans, I can't stop thinking about the calories until I am significantly fucked up.

I mean, I'm at a party now and had my first beer and literally all I can think about is throwing up. Ugh, I'm just going to keep drinking till I'm happy but I hate this so much; I just wish I could be happy when I drink and enjoy myself like they all do.

Anyways, sort of a rant. Tell me what you guys think about the situation? Anyone else?

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 20 06:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66h9go/weekly_emotional_support_april_20_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 20 06:04:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66h8rx/daily_food_diary_april_20_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Thinspo] The LEGS
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Apr 20 05:34:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66h3q7/the_legs/
---
https://i.redd.it/f7amtp1e2psy.jpg

---

[Tip] Any tips?
/u/sugarfree0strawberry
Created: Thu Apr 20 03:42:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66gocq/any_tips/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't take my own advice.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Thu Apr 20 00:38:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66g189/cant_take_my_own_advice/
---
I like to post here with little tidbits and facts (that I truly believe) in the hopes they will make people feel better about the times they eat more, or their weight fluctuates, or some such. I never knowingly make stuff up, I only parrot what I've read online about what science currently 'knows'.. and so, as I said, truly believe it when I tell others here. I don't like the thought that others feel bad unecessarily..

But when it comes to myself, I *can't*.

This morning, I am 1lb up from yesterday morning. I ate 2000 calories after lifting yesterday. I was a hungry mf. I know why I was hungry.. it was my first time lifting in a week as the gym had been closed on 2 of my usual days for Easter. I had neglected protein a little perhaps (went all protein-bingey). Carbs have been threatening to get me since Monday and I'd managed to resist, but then after lifting it was all GIMME CARBS OMG OMG OMG?! Still managed to resist that until *just* before bed, because I couldn't sleep.

*Logically* I know that..

* 2000 calories is over my TDEE, but not enough for a whole 1lb weight gain in any sense

* The grand majority of my calories came from protein and carbs - meaning I'll be holding water weight especially since I had depleted glycogen from a bit of fasting and some exercise the Monday and Tuesday (and that in itself may have cushioned any surplus cals from carbs)

* Lifting in itself causes the body to retain water, as the muscles heal from microtears.. some of my surplus may even go towards repairs for that

* I ate a freakish amount of fibre lol, and whilst I've had a fair BM this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't all there was... also had to glug a bunch of (caffienated) diet soda to get even a little moving, which I glugged before weighing myself

* I drank a buttload of water yesterday too as I ended up being a truckload of fibre (this bit is kind of amusing though cus.. who eats THAT much fibre?!)

* My protein was dairy-based, which bloats me/constipates me further

* I took a fat/carb blocker because despite them probably doing nothing besides making me bloat/constipated, I was distressed about how I knew I was gonna give in and eat some monstrous bowl of oatmeal and seeds before bed. So yeah, more bloated and constipated.

These are all the things I would post about if someone was in the same shoes as I am right now, and posting here panicing as much as I am about seeing a 1lb weight gain on the scale, and explaining about the day they had yesterday. As far as I know, it's all true stuff. If I told someone else it, I would believe it 100% about them. I would never say something to someone that I feel is untrue, or say something *just* to make them feel better even though it's untrue.

But here I am not believing any of it for myself and feeling like such a fat, fucking failure that the scale is up a pound. There's no logical reason I don't believe it about myself... **I just don't**. I just **can't**.

Isn't it funny how EDs seem to make us think we're super special unicorns?

"Maybe *someone else* wouldn't get fat from that, but I do!"

"Maybe I would think *someone else* would look great and be fine and be a totally worthy human being at that BMI, but I don't! I just look FAT!"

"Maybe for *someone else* it would all be water weight, but it's just fat on me!"

"Maybe another 28 year old woman shouldn't have to fit into high-waisted denim shorts made for 13 year old girls to be worthwhile, but I certainly fucking need to.. and before summer too!"

I hate myself. I hate myself the same amount I love most other people... *combined*. I'm so sad I am not skinny.

---

[Rant/Rave] Low calorie and low sugar sports drink (kickstarter)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 20 00:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66g0sr/low_calorie_and_low_sugar_sports_drink_kickstarter/
---
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1732104715/hylux-water-student-athlete-creates-next-gen-sport?utm_source=kickbooster&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=link&utm_campaign=1ik0sm2v

---

[Discussion] Scale Apps??
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 143| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Thu Apr 20 00:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fzdw/scale_apps/
---
I had an iPhone but it broke, and now I have an Android and they don't make Happy Scale for Android?! I'm freaking out and I'm so upset, is there a similar app that will tell you your "true" weight and not just track it?
On mobile/tag as help please?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Boyfriend opened up and promised not to interfere with my ED
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 223.8 lbs | 39.27| -7 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 23:34:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fsbz/rave_boyfriend_opened_up_and_promised_not_to/
---
I posted on here a couple of days ago that my boyfriend was catching on and boy was I right!!

Today he came home after work sat down on the bed with me and apologized. For what? I asked, genuinely perplexed. He said he thought about what he had been doing and reacting to me expressing my wants to lose weight and realized that instead of coming home with Burger King and ordering pizza that he should be helpful instead. YAY!!

Then things got serious and some tears were shed when he expressed that he was just making aure I was eating right because throughout college and his adolescence he struggled with an ED!! I started crying at this point as he went into detail describing how it affected him emotionally and physically. I couldnt keep the jig up anymore and decided to also come clean. Which was extremely risky.. I know.

I expressrd with him how I knew all too well what he faced. But I also remained firm that i, at this time in my life, do not wish for help and want to continue living my life the way I am. He expressed that he did not wish to see me self destruct but if this is the lesser of two evils then he will mind his own business and no longer force me to eat!!

As it also turns out we are both extremely self concious of our appearance. I told him how I resented that he was skinnier than me and he told me how he hated how small he was. So as it turns out we will both be working towards improving our appearances!! As I lose weight he will be gaining weight.

I also found out that we did in fact weigh the same when we first met (215 lbs) he had lost 35 lbs being with me. Which made me despise him a bit more and he apologized and acknowledged that that probably wasnt best to point out 😂 Anyways I just wanted to update y'all and where I'm at in life. I can only see it getting better from here on out!! We promised each other at least 1 cheat day a week to keep my present and soon to be inner fat girl spirit appeased and I couldnt be happier at the fact that my boyfriend gets it!!

---

[Help] Any help?
/u/bunnygirly
Created: Wed Apr 19 22:34:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fj8w/any_help/
---
[removed]

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[Help] [Question] drinking before bed?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 22:23:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fhif/question_drinking_before_bed/
---
This may be a dumb question, but if you drink water/tea/other calorie-free beverages before bed, will they show up on the scale the next morning? I want tea because I'm so hungry but I want the weight on the scale tomorrow morning to be as low as possible...

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[Help] Gods. I can't stop shoving cheese in my face
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Wed Apr 19 22:21:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fh5j/gods_i_cant_stop_shoving_cheese_in_my_face/
---
I alternate between shoving it in there like a competitive eater and chewing and spitting it. I'm at easily 500 cal and want to die.

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[Discussion] What are the grossest/weirdest things you've done because of your ED?
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 22:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fg87/what_are_the_grossestweirdest_things_youve_done/
---
I know we *all* have some.

Some of mine:

* Tried to give myself a homemade enema from constipation. With a cup of water and an eye dropper (because the kitchen funnel wouldn't stay in).

* Fainted on purpose to get out of going to a practice- just because I knew I could.

* Wrap myself up in sweatpants, sweaters, and heated blankets in the dead of summer to sweat out my water weight.

* Masturbate when I wasn't at all horny/aroused just to try and burn extra calories.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Self sabotaging again
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Wed Apr 19 22:02:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fe1o/rant_self_sabotaging_again/
---
Today I had to go shopping for prom, which really stressed me out because I hate trying clothes on and I know I look fat. I was so happy because I almost fit into this small size dress... Until it got to my boobs. I was already wearing a sports bra so it definitely wouldn't fit with a regular bra... I cried in the dressing room.

After i stopped crying, I eventually found one that fit and wasn't bad looking (I'm the only part of the outfit that looks bad lmao) but I couldn't stop being upset. So what do I do? Eat a 600 kcal donut and God knows how many calories in candy. My estimate put it at about 350-400kcal. That means I am almost 600kcal over my very upper limit for the day. I managed to distract myself eventually so that I didn't binge more and purge but I wish I had let myself purge.

Why do I do this? I let that one thing mess with my head; I should have been happy I was almost a size small! Instead I was crying because I wasn't. I don't even know why I picked up the dress; I should have known I'm too fat for it.

I don't know how to stop doing this.

---

[Help] Antidepressants causing binges...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 22:00:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66fdrh/antidepressants_causing_binges/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] wow, this is irrational and I'm tired
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 125 | -9 lbs ]
Created: Wed Apr 19 21:33:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66f96n/wow_this_is_irrational_and_im_tired/
---
so I've only got 200 calories left for tonight and I want to eat two different things. I could have a cup of cereal and some almond milk or I could eat a small packaged cake. Or neither at all would be the ideal one here. And here's the fun part, a relatively normal person would just eat one now and just eat the other tomorrow, but I've already planned my food for tomorrow and a couple days after that that I also want to eat. Today I didn't have a set food plan, just a calorie intake and now I'm paying for it. It's making me irrationally upset, I know neither is going anywhere if I don't eat one or both. Even if I eat one, I'm gonna have any enjoyment of the calories I do let myself eat be soiled by how I feel about the situation.


And you know the best part of how I'm probably gonna rationalize it?? If I can't have both I'll just have none and then eat some pickles and chug a lot of water or tea so I feel sick. Then proceed to brood over all this gross fat on my body, lord help me

Update: lol there are no pickles aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA

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[Tip] I can't fix my thighs 😢 anybody have tips?? I need to lose fat without getting tons of muscle.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 21:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66f5gi/i_cant_fix_my_thighs_anybody_have_tips_i_need_to/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Got busted on old account, oops [Rant]
/u/lepetitcoer [65" | 130 | 21.4 | -34 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 20:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66evsc/got_busted_on_old_account_oops_rant/
---
I knew I should have deleted the old one sooner. SO confronted me about it. Apparently he knew my old username. Damn, awkward. Fibbed a bit and said it was just cause this group was interesting to observe. Then he wanted to know what I ate today. He has never cared before, so this was strange. And upsetting. Luckily, (hahaha...) I binged today when I got off work.

Here's to a fresh new start and being smarter about what I leave logged on my phone.

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[Rant/Rave] Why is this so hard [rant]
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2" | 120ish | GW Thigh gap | Recovering? | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 20:09:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66etx6/why_is_this_so_hard_rant/
---
"Recovery" is so frustrating. I just feel deeper in my disordered thoughts than ever before. Seriously, what the hell? I was doing so well at the beginning, but now I probably eat between 400 and 800 net calories a day, maybe even less because I work out every day now. I'm always thinking about food and I've been skipping meals and I get anxious and depressed if I eat "too much" or miss a workout.

It just feels impossible. I *want* to feed my body so I can grow another couple inches and gain some muscle mass. But I can't bring myself to eat substantial portions and I definitely won't eat more than 2 or 3 small meals a day. I wish I could talk to someone like a therapist, but that would mean telling my family about this. Can't do that. The worst part is that I found out my genetics are riddled with eating disorders. So it's literally in my blood to be like this! What the hell? I didn't choose this in the first place, but I guess it feels like I did, so knowing it's not my fault in the slightest makes it seem so *unfair*. To top it all off, I've still got good ol' imposter syndrome. I literally have the textbook symptoms of AN but I'm not 60 pounds and I had some bread today so I must be pretending.

Sorry guys, I just need to get all this off my chest. I really really want to be healthy, more than almost anything, but it feels impossible. It probably is tbh. I had a chemistry test today and I couldn't concentrate because I was so hungry, how messed up is that? I feel so consumed by this and I hate it. I don't know what to do.

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[Rant/Rave] "Thigh gaps are gross"
/u/losingluna
Created: Wed Apr 19 20:03:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66esr7/thigh_gaps_are_gross/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Apr 19 19:15:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66ejni/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/kxmmlhy30msy.jpg

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 19:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66ejj4/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/v55etuyzzlsy.jpg

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Random binge thoughts from today
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Wed Apr 19 18:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66e8tx/random_binge_thoughts_from_today/
---
1) my greatest fear is choking on food and dying
2) or crashing my car while eating
3) or my stomach rupturing

(Not that any of those things are likely to happen, I usually binge slowly and safely but like... nothing would be more embarrassing than dying gluttonously haha)

Finally 4) calculated my calories for the binge. Shut my eyes and winced but then...
only 2000 cal all day!

Thank god for low cal foods. It's still like 3.5x what I normally eat, but with my output today puts me right at TDEE. Whew!

---

[Help] Not quite ED related, but who has experience with Prozac?
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Wed Apr 19 18:15:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66e849/not_quite_ed_related_but_who_has_experience_with/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Living alone or living with room mates/family?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 18:05:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66e64x/living_alone_or_living_with_room_matesfamily/
---
This past year was one of the first where I've basically lived alone since my room mates are never here and never buy food. I find it really helps with binging bc im almost completely in control of what food comes in the house. The school year is almost over and I pretty much am going to have to live at home where people bring home all their junk food. Normally I can say no but it just adds to my stress to have to worry about what stuff is in the house and if I might lose control. Living at home would save money but I think living alone would help me maintain a trend towards restriction rather than binging. What are your thoughts? Do you think it would be worth it to try and pay for a cheap living situation or stay at home and save money and just try to maintain control?

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[Other] HALO TOP FOR THE FIRST TIME
/u/gregorrryyy
Created: Wed Apr 19 17:25:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66dy95/halo_top_for_the_first_time/
---
Hi friends! First off, I'm one of the few males on here so hey. I've been on here for a while now and have always heard about the magic of HALO TOP. I found out today that the Ralph's down the street sold HALO TOP and it was on sale too! I'm trying out Lemon Cake, Birthday Cake, and Salted Caramel. I couldn't be more excited!!!

---

Went a full 5 days with no food and only lost a pound, why?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 16:38:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66dofk/went_a_full_5_days_with_no_food_and_only_lost_a/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] My boyfriend just told me he wouldn't continue to date me if I got too skinny.
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 16:25:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66dlmq/rant_my_boyfriend_just_told_me_he_wouldnt/
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😂 bye then


He basically defined that as being able to see my ribs (because that's "gross") and being close to an underweight BMI. Am I a bad person for preemptively putting being skinny before a year long relationship? Probably 😅

EDIT: Just realized this totally made it sound like I broke up with him. I haven't (though that would be savage as heck), but if it came to that decision I definitely would 😂

---

[Rant/Rave] I've had a piece of vomit stuck on me for three days and I didn't freaking notice!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 16:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66dhce/ive_had_a_piece_of_vomit_stuck_on_me_for_three/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] DAE ""save"" certain food for times they feel they deserve it?
/u/Taiz_eyes
Created: Wed Apr 19 16:02:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66dgp4/dae_save_certain_food_for_times_they_feel_they/
---
So right now I am living in a hotel (job training 6-8 weeks) so I have no scale and I buy mostly healthy foods (whatever I can afford mostly veggies, low fat cheese, cashew milk and once a week I eat meat if I'm up for it)

Anyways so if I have a "bad" eating day, a day where I feel like I ate too much, or ate bad foods (being on my period and looking fatter/ more bloated than usual, high fat nuts, creamer I have to use at work or breakfast carbs seem to trigger this thinking) I don't allow myself to eat my good/ yummy healthy foods? Like I save it for days that I have been good/ where it won't be wasted on my bloated period body.

But if I'm having a good day, then I don't want to ruin it by eating. So essentially I just buy food to sit in my fridge/ freezer until it goes bad.


Any tips on getting out of this kind of thinking? Or anything for bloat relief?

Please tag as discussion, on mobile!

Edit: a word

---

[Help] I need help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 15:34:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66dal4/i_need_help/
---
[deleted]

---

[Tip] Intermittent fasting gets way better after a week.
/u/altonsiften [5'6 | 110 | BMI idk | -15 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 15:33:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66daf6/intermittent_fasting_gets_way_better_after_a_week/
---
I used to feel like death if I didn't eat breakfast and lunch, but after a week of that, my body's gotten used to knowing that meal time is at 6-8 pm. I'm actually more energetic in the mornings and afternoons!

The first week is the hardest.

---

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend and I got in a fight over my eating [rant]
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Wed Apr 19 15:08:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66d4vh/boyfriend_and_i_got_in_a_fight_over_my_eating_rant/
---
I've been restricting again lately but it's been very high restriction, about 1300 calories. He told me yesterday he would support me in my weight loss. But today at lunch, he wanted to buy me something to eat and we got in a fight because I was skipping meals again. He started getting really mad at me and saying that he wasn't going to let me lose weight if it meant I was going to relapse and then he made me eat some potato wedges (as if he couldn't at least get me something healthier). And then he got mad at me because i wouldn't tell him what was wrong when I was really upset because I hate that he won't let me restrict and lose weight, I just want to be skinny again and I don't know why it's such a big deal for me to stop eating. I didn't die last time, did I? What's the problem?? Why can't I just eat how I want to?

---

[Rant/Rave] I love him but that was the wrong thing to say.
/u/Backtotheidk
Created: Wed Apr 19 15:02:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66d3ks/i_love_him_but_that_was_the_wrong_thing_to_say/
---
So today I and my boyfriend were doing some shopping and I walked past a rack of shorts. I looked at them and said "I wish I could pull off these.." and my boyfriend answered, "Just keep going towards your goal, and you'll get there eventually." I was a little shocked because I haven't talked to him about any "goal" or whatever so I asked him what goal he thought I had and he said "Well you count all your calories, everything. No one does that without a goal."

I know its horrible, but I just really wanted some validation, I wanted my boyfriend to tell me that he liked me and didn't think I was fat, I wanted him to reply "Of course you can pull off those shorts." My crazy brain might be overreacting, but I just can't shake the feeling that he don't like my body. I love him so much. I just want to be the kind of girlfriend he can be proud.

---

[Intro] Just so I don't stray...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 14:40:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66cyl3/just_so_i_dont_stray/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] Just so I don't stray...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 14:26:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66cv7t/just_so_i_dont_stray/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Not a lot of time to work out (uninterrupted) and can I keep drinking?
/u/rebeccamb
Created: Wed Apr 19 14:18:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66cthn/not_a_lot_of_time_to_work_out_uninterrupted_and/
---
[removed]

---

[Other] First off, I'm probably one of the few males that are on here so hey friends. I have been on here for a while but never made a post. I've always heard about the magic of Halo Top so today I found out that the Ralph's across my house sold it! I'm trying it out and I can't be more excited.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 13:57:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66comd/first_off_im_probably_one_of_the_few_males_that/
---
https://i.redd.it/mha95qddfksy.jpg

---

[Goal] I'm not sure how slim to get, how much do teenage girls care about the weight of guys?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 13:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66cgns/im_not_sure_how_slim_to_get_how_much_do_teenage/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] What do you think is at the root of your ED?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 12:53:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66c9ao/what_do_you_think_is_at_the_root_of_your_ed/
---
I personally derive my only sense of self-worth from my appearance.

Due to a lot of sexual abuse starting at age 7, I feel like my only value is in my body since I've been used and abused for my body for 19 years now. I only feel like I'm worth something as a person when I look pretty and thin. It took me a while to connect the two but now I understand why my brain is so fucked up when it comes to my appearance.

Now that I've put on weight, I feel like everything about me is despicable and unlovable.

I also love being able to have total control of what I put in my body. I don't feel like I've had much control over any other aspects of my life and this is the one thing that I can, without a doubt, control for myself with nobody else able to mess it up.

What do you guys think is at the root of your disordered eating?

eta: I think I just realized that my need for control is also at the root of me being meticulously anal about organization and my house being clean at all times. Nice. -_-

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else super predictable?
/u/bizmo96
Created: Wed Apr 19 12:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66c8ad/is_anyone_else_super_predictable/
---
I'm sitting here eating cinnamon and sugar cause fuck me. And my boyfriend says to me: "stop eating shit. Cause you're gonna go throw it up and then eat one of your steamers" you know those healthy choice steamers? As if I can be boiled down to that.

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 18 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 12:46:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66c7kx/summer_goals_day_18_checkin/
---
Hello! Post is a bit late today but oh well 🙃 Hope your weather is ok, it's raining pretty heavily here.

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

---

[Discussion] Savage hunger after exercise
/u/m_inimal
Created: Wed Apr 19 12:43:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66c6xd/savage_hunger_after_exercise/
---
After feeling like my life is falling apart for the past few weeks, I decided to try to somewhat get my shit together. One thing that always helps me feel not as chaotic is working out. I actually love working out (usually do a combination/phases of lifting, running, and yoga); I love the personal challenge of it, I certainly don't mind looking a little more toned (especially now that where I live it's already sweltering summer humid, so pants aren't an option but neither are shorts yet with my disgusting ham hock thighs, hi-ho maxi dresses for now I guess), and after a while of doing it I notice a difference in my energy levels, etc. Overall, it's great.

Except for one thing -- it makes me RAVENOUS. Obviously this makes sense; since you're burning more calories, your body is trying to compensate, but I always overcompensate and end up gaining weight. I hate this obviously, since part of the point of exercise for me is to LOSE weight. And it sucks because I feel like the extra hunger that comes on after exercise (and therefore the extra calories I end up eating) is not proportional at all to the actual exercise I do. It's not like "Oh, I ran 30 min today, let's just have an extra apple to keep me going!" Lol I wish, more like "I ran 20 minutes this morning and had a huge lunch, and i'm STILL starving." The fuck?

Does anyone else experience this, and how can I combat it? For me what makes it more difficult than just regular restricting (at which I have plenty of practice) is that when I just restrict, I feel weak and lethargic, but rarely actually hungry or lightheaded. But when I exercise and restrict at the same time, the tiredness is different -- I feel mentally more alert and awake, but physically exhausted, PLUS actually hungry and therefore crabby. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] This is stupid
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 12:42:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66c6r7/this_is_stupid/
---
Okay yeah this is really dumb but

I'm reading this novel (just a mystery; has nothing to do with ED or anything) and I really loved it and was getting really into it, but now I'm so annoyed that I don't even want to keep reading.

**Narrator:** "She wasn't my type--I have always like girlie girls, sweet, tiny bird-boned girls I can pick up and whirl around in a one-armed hug"

**Narrator 30 pages later:** "women who live on weighed portions of salad annoy me"

LOL fuck you, patriarchy.

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant/rave)(help) Currently binging, can't stop
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 12:02:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66bx4k/rantravehelp_currently_binging_cant_stop/
---
I restricted for 2 weeks no problem and as soon as I went back to uni with my boyfriend last weekend, the binging started.

I'm even sitting here halfway through eating an Easter egg, I'm disgusted with myself, I'm already feeling sick, but I just can't stop eating?? It's so pathetic.

Gone is any calorie deficit or progress I had from restricting. It's like I see food especially junk food and I just *have* to eat it? But nothing is satisfying me.
Can't even purge bc purging really scares me.

Ughhhhhhhhh.

---

[Rant/Rave] I messed up big time
/u/squishykittt
Created: Wed Apr 19 10:31:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66bbh1/i_messed_up_big_time/
---
I'm a long time lurker, this is my first post so hi everyone!

I've been fasting recently because my mom weighs officially less than me and I feel disgusting. Well I just remembered we had Italian subs from my SIL's fund raiser. I splurged so hard while crying, even added extra cheese... the worst part is I've been a vegetarian for 15 years and just ruined it all. It wasn't even a good sub and now my whole body feels like shit and I feel like a terrible person for eating a dead animal. I have never been this bad before, now I'm dry heaving over the thought of it.

Sorry for no flair, on mobile. Still figuring things out.

---

[Rant/Rave] Im destroying the only important thing in my life lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 09:23:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66avlm/im_destroying_the_only_important_thing_in_my_life/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Do you consider yourself attractive?
/u/glossierz
Created: Wed Apr 19 09:15:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66atp9/do_you_consider_yourself_attractive/
---
And what made you come to that certain conclusion whether it be yes or no?

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[Tip] CHEAT SHEET for some low cal food alternatives.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 08:21:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66aheu/cheat_sheet_for_some_low_cal_food_alternatives/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] The unicorn frappuccino
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Apr 19 08:18:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66agvb/the_unicorn_frappuccino/
---
https://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/frappuccino-blended-beverages

I kinda wanna get one, take a picture for social media, then throw it out

---

Anyone want to go on a 4 day fasting w/ me?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 08:02:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66ad8l/anyone_want_to_go_on_a_4_day_fasting_w_me/
---
[removed]

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Anyone want to start a 5 day fast with me?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 07:53:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66abbv/anyone_want_to_start_a_5_day_fast_with_me/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I am at my lowest weight since October!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 07:27:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66a67z/i_am_at_my_lowest_weight_since_october/
---
I can't really share this with anyone else because everyone thinks that I'm being really unhealthy with food etc etc but I'm so damn excited that the weight is finally coming off. My boyfriend is freaking out about me not eating so I feel like if I tell him he'll just be mad..

A little about me... I have always been "thin" but never like, as skinny as I wanted to be. As an adult I've always hovered around 120 lbs, size 2.

Then last year I had a *lot* of stress in my personal life and my weight skyrocketed from 120 in May of 2016 to 151 in December - 7 months. And I couldn't get the weight off. I was literally horrified and every single day I spent in that body was killing my spirit.

I started phentermine 6 days ago, at a starting weight of 155 lbs. I now weigh 146 lbs! The last time I weighed 146 lbs was in September of 2016.

I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so proud and excited to hopefully have my body back the way I want it by the summertime.

---

[Rant/Rave] I was talking about this just the other day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 06:38:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669wwn/i_was_talking_about_this_just_the_other_day/
---
[deleted]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 19 06:06:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669rij/way_to_go_wednesday_april_19_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for April 19, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 19 06:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669r66/daily_food_diary_april_19_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Question] Do McDonald's workers have to give you Diet Coke/Coke Zero if you ask for it?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 19 05:56:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669psa/do_mcdonalds_workers_have_to_give_you_diet/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ok, warning to you all, DO NOT DRINK CRYSTAL LIGHT THAT HAS GONE BAD!
/u/Princess_Scarlet
Created: Wed Apr 19 05:43:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669ns0/ok_warning_to_you_all_do_not_drink_crystal_light/
---
If you are squeamish please click out before you read, because it's not pretty.

So last night I got home and had a little bit of rice and veggies for dinner, then I decided to wash it down with some cherry crystal light that was in the fridge. I had completely forgot that it had been in the fridge for weeks, maybe even since Valentine's Day. *shudders*

I took one big sip of it and realized that it was completely sour, but before I could spit it out, my reflexes kicked in and I swallowed it. I didn't think too much of it, I mean I was pretty grossed out and all, but I was never prepared for this. At first I felt my stomach hurting, I figured it was my period cramps (sorry, tmi) but it kept getting worse and worse. Eventually I felt nauseous, but I hadn't thrown up in years so I figured it was ok. Next thing I know I'm at the toilet puking my guts out, and what do I taste? The fucking crystal light!! 20 minutes later, I puke again but even more comes out. My parents forced me to go to bed after that, which was at 10 PM. I wake up at 12:35 AM nauseous again, I've puked 4 times since then. So if you count the first two times along with the midnight trips to the bathroom, I've puked 6 times. It's 4:37 AM right now and I have no plans to sleep, every time I feel a little bit ok my nausea kicks in. I don't know if it was the crystal light that made me sick but it sure for fucks didn't help. Pardon my french pls :)

Now everytime I think I'm done puking this happens, https://imgur.com/CE8TjmS


But hey I'm excited to step on the scale tomorrow, hopefully I've lost something ¯\\\_ツ_/¯

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I saw myself clearly
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 04:33:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669dbm/i_think_i_saw_myself_clearly/
---
for the first time in months. I'm actually NOT a cow. I can see that I still have areas I'm not happy with... but for once I didn't want to cry while looking at myself naked. 😱 By the way, if you're reading this, you're lovely and I hope you have a good day. 😘

---

[Discussion] Would you watch a Youtuber with an ED?
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Wed Apr 19 04:32:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669d9x/would_you_watch_a_youtuber_with_an_ed/
---
.. that makes their videos about it, and generally tries to bring awareness to EDs and similar mental disorders?

I've been thinking of starting a YT channel, but I'm worried people will think I'm promoting EDs instead. Also, any ideas for videos are very much appreciated.

Have a lovely day, cuties. ♪

---

[Rant/Rave] "If I just eat today, I can fast the next 2/3/4/5/etc. days."
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 04:27:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/669cle/if_i_just_eat_today_i_can_fast_the_next_2345etc/
---
No no no no no. No.

I need to remember to use fasting as a reward rather than to make up for something.

How it often is: "I'll just eat 2 days worth of food today, but fast tomorrow!"

How it should be: "I fasted yesterday, so it's okay to have a little extra today."

It's like spending money before you have it. I can save up the money, but not borrow before I have it.

I love fasting and how it makes me feel. But too often I'm tempted to eat a bit more today and ideally make up for it. But it doesn't always happen.

I'm trying to talk myself out of this. I want to fast tomorrow and Friday, but will not let myself eat more today.

---

Jfc I think it's time to leave Tumblr. I'm too old for this shit. (Mobile)
/u/faithfulbones [5'0" | 113lbs (GW 98) | 21 | -71 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 19 03:59:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6698vy/jfc_i_think_its_time_to_leave_tumblr_im_too_old/
---
https://i.redd.it/lxi8ysloghsy.jpg

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[Discussion] Meal replacement thoughts
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Wed Apr 19 03:12:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66938h/meal_replacement_thoughts/
---
[Discussion] Does anyone here use meal replacement bars, shakes etc? They're appealing because they're nutritionally dense and also packaged with clear calories. I mean, 3X protein bar and you've got so many of the daily required nutrients. Thoughts?

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[Rant/Rave] Cat lost more weight than I did and I'm irrationally jealous
/u/Nootbee
Created: Wed Apr 19 02:16:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/668wpr/cat_lost_more_weight_than_i_did_and_im/
---
My house cat is a hefty 18.4 lbs, per the vet last Thursday.

So, I had to put the cat on a diet. 3 times daily feedings at 80% of his normal food intake. Easy. Cat hates it, but whatever.

So today I bring the cat in for his followup visit to clip his hind toenails, CAT HAS LOST 0.8 LBS.

By comparison, I have lost 0.2 lbs.

Actual thought this morning: "FUCK YOU, CAT."

For Fucks Sake. Back to my miso and coffee diet.

---

[Help] I have to be in a bathing suit in ~3 weeks and I'm freaking out
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: way too much | gw1: 101 | 20f]
Created: Wed Apr 19 01:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/668roo/i_have_to_be_in_a_bathing_suit_in_3_weeks_and_im/
---
I've fucked up. I've been in a really bad binge / restrict cycle for a couple of weeks, leaning more on the binge side. My flair is not accurate. I binged hella yesterday and Sunday and today I weighed in at 109. I am freaking out. I just booked a vacation with my friends for May 10. Unlike spring break we are 100% going to the beach everyday, we WILL be swimming, and every person I know going is so stoked for that. I'm going in a big group - 12 people. Including like 5 guys one of which I've casually hooked up with (making out) so there's that added pressure (spring break was just girls and 2 gay guys). Not to mention at least 3 of the girls going are GORGEOUS and THIN. And one of the girls has (had?) an ED, she doesn't anymore but she compensates with over exercising so she's ripped af and looks amazing. I look like a fat fucking blob and I am so angry at myself for fucking this up. I was so upset I didn't reach my goal weight for spring break but luckily we didn't end up swimming. And then I was only 2-3 pounds away from my goal weight, now I'm basically 10. And the thing is I want to go, I want to have fun. This semester has been the worst 5 months of my life and most of my friends are graduating so this trip is supposed to be the big hoorah. And yet all I can do is freak out because I'm going to have to wear a bathing suit, and at the least revealing summer clothing. How much progress can I even make in 3 weeks? I just really, really need to get my shit together before May 10.

---

[Help] Once I start, I can't stop eating
/u/Kisugi_Ace [176 cm | CW : 67.5 kg | GW : 55kg | Female]
Created: Wed Apr 19 00:00:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/668fln/once_i_start_i_cant_stop_eating/
---
Even when I eat a normal amount of something clean, like a salad, it triggers something in le and I buy food all day that I can't stop eating. I'd throw up to eat more if I was able to throw up. I can't stop myself. I want to get thinner but I eat, eat, eat...more than I ever did.
I managed to loose 6 kg since January through periods of fadting, but this id not viable and I'm constantly losing and gaining the same weight.

Help me. I want to break free. I want to just restrict myself. Why can't I stop eating ?

---

[Thinspo] Lee Da Hee is 174cm (5'8.5) and doesn't eat if she goes over 49kg (108lbs)
/u/imnevergold [5'6.5 | 117.6 | 18.68 | -15 | F |]
Created: Tue Apr 18 23:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/668d9r/lee_da_hee_is_174cm_585_and_doesnt_eat_if_she/
---
http://imgur.com/NOJtKj7

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[Help] Question for those who have fasted for 4 days or longer
/u/glossierz
Created: Tue Apr 18 23:27:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/668b6f/question_for_those_who_have_fasted_for_4_days_or/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Okay, why can't I poop?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 22:24:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6681k0/okay_why_cant_i_poop/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Malliha Ahmad [thinspo]
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:125 | 18.8 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 22:20:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6680yo/malliha_ahmad_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/3Ap87

---

[Rant/Rave] Broke a 45 hour fast, reached a new low weight, but also freaking out.
/u/xParabola [5'7 | HW: 171 | CW: 146.4 | 22.94 | -24.6 | 21F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 21:43:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/667uv7/broke_a_45_hour_fast_reached_a_new_low_weight_but/
---
I'll try to keep a long story short. I'm mainly just writing now to distract myself.

I ended up in what (for my standards) would be a fast since sunday night. I ate nothing, besides some dark roast coffee, green tea and 0 cal sportsdrinks. And I felt awesome. I wasn't dizzy or faint, I just kept going and I felt.. solid. Not hungry even.

I went to the gym, had a 1,5 hour work out. Even more awesome.

Went to weigh myself and apparently reached a new low weight. The lowest I've ever been in my adult life. (Still fat but) even more awesome.

Then I was invited for dinner by my roommate to this "all-you-care-to-eat" place. I literally ate just steamed veggies, salads, fruit (mainly cantaloupe melon) and not even big portions of it. I had some black coffee and a moment of weakness.. lactose free ice cream.

All together, it shouldn't amount to more than 800 calories, without the work out subtracted. And yet I'm freaking out. I feel like I ruined that fast. Like I just let myself go again, while the only "real" mistake in terms of nutrition was the ice cream.

I've already posted here before about purging. It's not my thing, and I've been trying to stop it, but I have purged quite some times over the past two months. I feel like I even fucked up with just eating the veggies.. The purging tendencies just become worse with every bite I take. Like I'm disappointed in myself that I couldn't just eat nothing for the whole week.

I'm so close to getting it all out right now, because I would reduce some of the damage I did today. I just wish I continued to fast. I was hoping that someone could calm me down a bit and tell me it's okay, though I don't really feel worthy of that.

---

[Help] [B/P] I'm not at all convinced it's all coming out?
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -11 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 21:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/667tlu/bp_im_not_at_all_convinced_its_all_coming_out/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Question for those of you who have fasted for 4 days or longer
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 21:36:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/667tkb/question_for_those_of_you_who_have_fasted_for_4/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Has anyone done outpatient programs before?
/u/deunster
Created: Tue Apr 18 21:14:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/667pso/has_anyone_done_outpatient_programs_before/
---
Hi everyone, I've been lurking for a few weeks but have a question I've been meaning to ask!

So for some context, I've been dealing with bulimia for over two years now, and it's become absolutely out of control for a solid 3-4 months now. My social worker and doctor agreed that it might be time to look at outpatient programs and I'm in the process of going into one starting from September.

I'm not quite sure on the specifics, but it seems to be a group support program, Monday to Friday from 9am-6pm. Does anyone have experience with a similar sounding program? I have no idea what to expect from this, and would love some perspective. Also tbh I had no idea outpatient programs were a so intensive(?not sure if thats the right word), and as I'm a student I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it to take a break from school in order to do the program.

Any input or advice would be welcome, thanks :)

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[Rant/Rave] The fact that running a mile burns between 70-100 calories each is so comforting to me.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 20:17:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/667fm4/the_fact_that_running_a_mile_burns_between_70100/
---
It only takes me about 8 minutes depending on how fast I run. It's the best deal ever as to me it's like trading away 8 minutes of my time to help burn off that half that oatmeal, or that banana, or the chocolate I didn't mean to eat. Then you get a little bit of physical fitness and health out of it. Yeah, I love running.

---

[Rant/Rave] no title
/u/SmaharbaShe
Created: Tue Apr 18 19:39:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6678e8/no_title/
---
My life is disgustingly lacking. I never have any events to attend to, it's doctors appointments and grocery shopping..only productive thing I do. I'm in severe protracted withdrawals and cannot work, on disability. No friends since childhood. No boyfriends. Days are spent on Internet and cleaning when I'm not too weak. I get to take one drug once a week that gives me a brake in the monotony.

It's often really hard to not binge when eating is the best thing to happen all day. I hate saying that. Last summer I got down to 71lbs because I had entertainment and wasn't sick.

I can't use this as an excuse anymore, I know being 70-72lbs will lift my spirits.

I feel like a primal non thinking person..laying in bed almost all day with a piss bucket beside me, wearing same two shirts for months on end, going back to kitchen for snacks on autopilot.

Need something in my life to take the deadness away. Can't keep binging and making excuses.

---

Hold me accountable: 3 day fast.
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 19:28:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66767o/hold_me_accountable_3_day_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Does anybody literally fantasize about isolation (TW?)?
/u/edthrowaway1996
Created: Tue Apr 18 19:21:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66750y/does_anybody_literally_fantasize_about_isolation/
---
I don't know how to describe it. Loneliness just makes me happy. The thought of being in maybe, a decent small apartment, with a bed and a bathroom and a kitchen, and being able to restrict and binge/purge all I want without being bothered, without having to hide it, no one there to touch my food, without having to avoid people who are "concerned" for me, where I can just lose all of the weight I want and be severely underweight and unhealthy in peace. And I never have to leave the space either. I can just be in that little space all by myself practicing ED behaviors and I'll be okay. It's literally the only thing I think about all day. I'll be so happy when I move out.

---

[Rant/Rave] Help! My mom just gave me a ton of chocolate!
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [66 in | 135lbs | 21.9 | -25 | idk man]
Created: Tue Apr 18 19:16:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6673zc/help_my_mom_just_gave_me_a_ton_of_chocolate/
---
After overeating at diner last night, I was planning on eating as little as possible for the next couple of days. My mom, of course, has decided that she's going to try and sabotage me by leaving a massive bag of easter candy on my bed. I put it in my bag and I'm planning on giving/throwing it away as soon as possible, but I'm not sure I have the willpower not the binge on it right now /and/ they're making me eat dinner tonight so I can't afford to have any.

I seriously can't wait to move out...

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] falling for someone and forgetting to eat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 19:08:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6672i1/rave_falling_for_someone_and_forgetting_to_eat/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Easter candy: a downfall and now in the trash.
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Tue Apr 18 18:55:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/666zwy/easter_candy_a_downfall_and_now_in_the_trash/
---
I was doing so well, I really was. I'm still running every day and log a ridiculous number of steps at work (bartender/server) and recently reached my third goal weight and then... Easter candy.
Damn. It. To. Hell.
Thought I would be strong and yet here I am, having eaten enough in three days to gain four pounds. And now it is in the trash with bleach poured on it. I hate the idea that a gift from someone is wasted but I just cannot function with this candy around another second.
Anyone else feeling weak? You are not alone! Here's to picking ourselves up and starting afresh tomorrow!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~47.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Tue Apr 18 18:30:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/666v7w/insanity_is_doing_the_same_thing_over_and_over/
---
Get up. Walk to pantry. Stare at food. Groan. Walk back to room. Lay on bed. Get back up. Walk to fridge. Scream. Fill up water. Go back to room. Chug water. Lay down. Cry. Go back to fridge. Stare at food. Back to room. Back to pantry. Back to room. Back to fucking fridge.

I hate everything and nothing's okay. Someone fucking save me from this hell.

---

[Rant/Rave] My scale is broken (rant)
/u/d_262
Created: Tue Apr 18 18:09:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/666r49/my_scale_is_broken_rant/
---
Someone in my house broke my scale. Idk how but I found it in my closet broken. Not being able to weigh myself is giving me THE MOST severe anxiety. It's been four days and I feel like I could crawl out of my skin. I need to see that number. And I know if I go buy a new one it'll turn into a whole thing (I live with my parents) "why do you need to weigh yourself? You look thin enough who cares. Blah blah blah" But making sure I haven't gained is all I can think about currently don't wanna stress binge but I feel it coming. UGH.

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[Discussion] What is your favorite savory tea?
/u/apidose_pile
Created: Tue Apr 18 16:59:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/666dli/what_is_your_favorite_savory_tea/
---
I've been looking at Millie's and don't want to drop money on something yucky. What is your favorite flavor? Or do you like a different brand?

Thanks lovelies <3

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[Rant/Rave] Every week I go through the same battle
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 16:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/666aaf/every_week_i_go_through_the_same_battle/
---
It never fails. At some point in the week I'll think to myself "damn I want some hot Cheetos. I should go buy some hot Cheetos. I need hot Cheetos."

And I'll argue with myself about it for hours. Usually I come to the conclusion that no, I don't need hot Cheetos. There addicting and I eat them all at once. Eat a fucking apple.

Resisting is so hard!! My #1 weakness 😥

---

[Thinspo] Francoise Hardy - My ultimate vintage thinspo/girl crush
/u/tinhousecrook [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 110 | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 16:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6669l3/francoise_hardy_my_ultimate_vintage_thinspogirl/
---
http://imgur.com/a/jGrRT

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Testing flair
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Tue Apr 18 16:26:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6666sw/testing_flair/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I'm at the lowest weight I've been in over 10 years and I'm miserable.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 16:04:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6662a1/rantrave_im_at_the_lowest_weight_ive_been_in_over/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Dealing with guilt for making my partner worry about me, not used to concern from loved ones.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 15:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665ztf/dealing_with_guilt_for_making_my_partner_worry/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I have angered the Coke Zero gods... [Other]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Tue Apr 18 15:19:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665sgk/i_have_angered_the_coke_zero_gods_other/
---
This past week I have not had a single Coke Zero. I absolutely love Coke Zero but I hadn't stopped by the store so I was drinking water or the Sprite Zero that was already in my fridge.

Today I got a 2 liter of Coke Zero at work to get me through the next, ya know, two days. I put it in our beer cooler (I work at a liquor store) to chill and go about my day.

Like 30 minutes later we hear this weird noise and go to investigate. Somehow this Coke Zero decided it no longer wanted to live and exploded. It literally exploded. It went fucking everywhere, knocking down bottles and spraying up to the ceiling. We all just sort of looked around in horror and confusion. That bottle had been fine for two damn weeks but half an hour in the cooler and it just threw a fucking tantrum and decided that we needed to clean the cooler all day.

I mean it was fine, we were all laughing our asses off at the improbability of it all. But in the back of my mind I was like "I angered the Coke Zero Gods. I ignored them for a week and they have brought their vengeance down upon me..."

I love you, Coke Zero gods. Please give me another chance!

Edit: I'm glad I'm not the only one who's obsessed.
All hail Coke Zero!
*builds shrine*

---

[Goal] "I can go a little while longer" My mantra! I love seeing it on skin 😍
/u/justonenon-blonde [5'3" | CW: 106 | GW:98 | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 15:08:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665pvt/i_can_go_a_little_while_longer_my_mantra_i_love/
---
https://i.redd.it/6outnm03ndsy.jpg

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[Help] Can restriction actually mess with your period?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -45 | 31F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 14:36:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665iop/can_restriction_actually_mess_with_your_period/
---
I've been restricting to >500 calories per day for about 4 months now. I use an app to track my period and it's fairly accurate but today I get my period and it had just ended 1 week ago.

Anyone else ever have a similar experience?

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[Goal] I threw out some chocolate I was about to mini-binge on!
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Tue Apr 18 14:19:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665eqj/i_threw_out_some_chocolate_i_was_about_to/
---
I have NEVER been able to do that before!

My SO left an easter egg here. It was one for his mother, from me. It was a dead cheapy one, just a small cadbury's hollow thing, about 400cal worth of chocolate. She's not actually all too keen on chocolate and cadbury's is the only chocolate she'll have, so it was more a token from me really, rather than anything she would have truly adored...

But he left it here, and I found it. He took MY easter chocolates home with him because he knows I freak out having them in the house and sometimes will scoff them purely because I've freaked out over them lol - because I hate throwing food away - or I'll freak out so much that it's there and I DON'T want to give in and eat it, I'll not eat ANYTHING AT ALL. Not even my safe foods. No idea why I react like that when I am in possession of chocolate I could eat nowadays, but I do. It's like.. eating ANYTHING would be like eating the chocolate, or my appetite might truly wake up and then I'll uncontrollably scoff it. I don't even know.

ANYWAY. I would have still not been able to throw away any of the expensive, luxury chocolates my SO had given me.. so it was good the one he left was a cheap one.

I told my SO about how we forgot to pack it in his bag, and asked him if he had told his mother that I bought her an egg. He said he hadn't. I told him I was either going to panic eat it, or throw it away. He reassured me about either option and understands. I will buy his mother something else this weekend anyway though, when he's here, and make sure we actually put it in his bag this time!

It is 'only' 400 cals of chocolate, so it wouldn't have been terrible. I've been fasting since Sunday midnight, with a 5 mile run yesterday and a 6 mile hilly walk today... and that line of thinking really really made me want to eat it. But in the end I just wanted to exert some control. I wanted to PROVE to myself I could control it and NOT eat this damn chocolate. Because PRINCIPLE more than weight loss or anything.. (or because ED, whatever..)

Once I made that decision, it was surprisingly easy (perhaps cus cadbury's isn't my favourite chocolate anyway? LOL!). I opened the box, opened the wrappings on the egg, chucked cigarette ash on it, tied it up in a bag, and then threw it in the gross gooey outside bin. There's no going back to that now. It's a [bad egg](https://68.media.tumblr.com/6c9ea125e7992aa4f4d0bf1256867178/tumblr_mwxkyjTDJ81s58j52o1_500.gif) now (I'm so funny rite)

I am ridiculously proud of myself. I am good at avoiding binge-situations, but once I get it in my head to 'eat the thing' and possess the thing, usually I eat the thing. The closest I've come to reversing that, is going to buy binge food, but then not. I've never had it RIGHT THERE, given myself permission to eat it, but then changed my mind and just chucked it.

Go me. I am going to have some egg WHITES and chocolate PROTEIN POWDER tonight instead :D

---

[Other] Other side of 5cal / 30 sprays bottle....
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Tue Apr 18 14:13:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665dbp/other_side_of_5cal_30_sprays_bottle/
---
https://i.redd.it/e1y2j5h6ddsy.jpg

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[Other] My New FAV Thing!!! 5Cals for 30 Sprays!!! (Mobile no flair) info in comments
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Tue Apr 18 14:05:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/665bjz/my_new_fav_thing_5cals_for_30_sprays_mobile_no/
---
https://i.redd.it/rzlqzsctbdsy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] My mum is lying to me to feel better about herself
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Tue Apr 18 13:08:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/664yga/my_mum_is_lying_to_me_to_feel_better_about_herself/
---
So my mum is pretty large. She's not happy with this. I'm also pretty fat. I blame her. She's been trying to lose weight recently and so have I and she knows that my goal is to lose weight. She's been losing weight and she's been telling me that I have as well. Except I know for a fact that I have been piling it on. She tried to hide the scales so I couldn't check but I found them and also my clothes have gotten tighter and she's still saying that I'm losing weight. She also gives me huge portions. Today I was so careful and I went over my calorie limit by my dinner alone because of her huge portions (I hadn't eaten all day and I'm still working on self control when my empty stomach is presented with food. I'm honestly disgusting when foods out in front of me). And I am 100% certain she's doing this so she looks even better when compared to me. This isn't the only bitchy thing she does so it's not surprising. I'm so fucking mad.

---

[Help] What to eat
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 12:59:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/664wi0/what_to_eat/
---
Agghh. Sorry in advance because this isn't even a real question. I'm sitting on my bed and I feel paralyzed by indecision and anxiety. I made a mini-plan to 1) get out of bed 2) make something to eat 3) fill my water bottle and 4) take those outside + my laptop and get some work done. But I'm still in bed and haven't moved for half an hour because I don't know what to eat. I can't buy anything because my bank balance is -$30 (lol) and I'm so afraid of everything in my house (my roommate has a lot of food but it's all oreos and chocolate croissants and things I'm scared of -- all my danger foods are sweets). For some reason I really want pizza ????? I'm hungry as fuck and it's the first time in days that I've actually _wanted_ food and now I don't have any. lol ofc

Anyway what do you guys do when you can't figure out what to eat :( I just want to be able to get out of bed but I feel like I'm trapped and can't move. Is there some kind of mental exercise I can do to get over this and just get up D:

edit: just got up and filled my water bottle (yay! glad i did this at least) and considered stealing some of my roommate's food bc she does that to me all the time. except I just peeled back the plastic on the oreo packet and almost had a panic attack. I'm back in my room now and my heart is still POUNDING. lol why am i like this pls kill me i have homework to do but instead im here crying bc i looked at oreos

also I'm sorry about using this sub as a diary I am a chronic wordbarfer SORRY SORRY sorry :(

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[Goal] Tiny victories!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 12:20:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/664nbq/tiny_victories/
---
https://imgur.com/a/iMyvz

---

[Help] "I think we need to break up"
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 12:08:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/664kfj/i_think_we_need_to_break_up/
---
My boyfriend of nearly 12 years (I'm 31 for context) has come to this decision. I understand on a certain level where he is coming from: our relationship has been quite unhappy for the last two years. We both have experienced an upswing in our depression symptoms and he has experienced a lot of stress at work. We have also maintained an open relationship for quite a while, but we have had many issues where he pushes my boundaries in regards to time spent with new partners. My anxiety and possible borderline personality disorder does not make me a treat to live with- I am very very co-dependent on him and have been throughout our whole relationship. But I do so much: I clean the apartment, do all laundry, cook most meals, make sure all of our household essentials are stocked. I always make sure that I share my feelings and ask him to do the same. I have requested that we consider couples therapy multiple times. I feel so blindsided by his statement. He has struggled to be affectionate with me at all for a year or so. He says that he just feels differently about me now. When I hear things like this it makes me super mad and super sad at the same time. Like, either he is experiencing some sort of stress/mental disorder thing that he refuses to acknowledge or I am total garbage... how on earth could he have loved me so much for so many years and have it change like this? I try to think of what this might feel like from his side. I guess feelings do fade? I just don't get it. He used to want to have sex all the time. He thought I was cute, adorable, funny, and beautiful. I just don't understand why all his feelings are gone now.

I can't even picture what breaking up means. I have classified our relationship as marriage-like for so long: I assumed he would stick by me through everything. I feel so betrayed and broken hearted. I have no idea how to live on my own. I am afraid of other people, I can't afford rent. We share 2 dogs. I look around the apartment and it is filled with things that belong to "us". I don't even know how to guess how this break up will proceed. I rely on him for so much. I have been trying very hard to get better about this. I have been pushing myself to try new things and go places by myself. He has recently identified that he really is nearly abusive with the way he talks sarcastically and shortly to me (so I kind of think he is thinking a breakup will put an end to this issue?) which I don't really understand because if he is truly verbally abusive he needs counselling and would just do it with other partners? He is over being my caretaker and I get that. It isn't fair. But I feel like he is abandoning me when I extended so much trust. I love him so much. I honestly feel like we are so well matched- like old couples you see in movies. I feel so stupid for believing we would remain together and I am so so so scared for what a future means without him. I'm so sad, and so mad and I don't know what to do next. I have no friends to talk to. I keep thinking about calling my mom or my sister but I am so embarrassed. thanks for listening.

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[Help] Okay I need help :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 11:57:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/664hm8/okay_i_need_help/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] Thank you thank you thank you
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Tue Apr 18 10:57:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6643il/rantrave_thank_you_thank_you_thank_you/
---
This is, without a doubt, the best development in my ED. Finding this community has been such a wonderful source of relief and compassion. There is such comfort in knowing that other people do the weird things I do on a daily basis. Even though we are all struggling, I'm grateful that we are struggling together. You're all so great <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Isn't it pathetic
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Tue Apr 18 10:28:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663woz/isnt_it_pathetic/
---
that my main reason to lose weight right now is to be reassured that my body was/is the reason I'm not attractive to anyone? Like, yeah, I can live with that. That's something I can change.

Rationally I know that that's not the issue. The guy I'm still in love with isn't going to love my just because I'm skinny. *I'm* not going to be okay with myself just because I'm skinny. I know that I'm just handing myself another reason to hate myself because if my body's not the issue, clearly *I* am.

It's so stupid, oh my GOSH. I wish I could just shut the fuck up. This guy *liked* me, back in the day. I'm pretty sure we would've come together if I didn't cut him out of my life as soon as he told me he fell in love with me. Because seriously who could like me? This must have been a joke on his side. Yeah, that's how my brain works. Now he's got a girlfriend and *of course* I have to make sure I'm skinnier than her.

I want him to be happy, seriously. But even more than that, I want him to be happy with me. (With a super skinny me). Sorry for the crappy rant! I'm word-puking this tragically/pathetically/desperately-romantic shit that probably doesn't even belong here but this sub is my emotional family :) so thanks any way for listening!

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 17 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 10:23:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663vik/summer_goals_day_17_checkin/
---
My favourite number!!! Also is it just me or has time been passing super quick? Seems like day 1 was like three days ago 😯

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

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[Discussion] Self-care and Beauty Q+A April 18, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 10:21:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663v0s/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_april_18_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Help] What the fuck happened??
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue Apr 18 10:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663si7/what_the_fuck_happened/
---
Help me!

I went out of town this past weekend. I've been on a pretty severe restricting cycle lately, and since it was a vacation I decided I was going to treat myself and not worry about restricting. I would still log everything to keep track, but basically I would eat what I felt like and not worry about calories. And I did! It was fun - I ate pizza, fast food, burgers, fries - I didn't go absolutely crazy and eat 5k a day or anything, but I enjoyed food and enjoyed not worrying over every meal or having to feel hungry all the time.

Anyway. It was five days of this carefree eating. I still logged everything, and I ended up eating between 1k and 2k a day, but I gain even looking at a slice of pizza, so needless to say I was nervous to get on the scale this morning. Did I mention I hadn't pooped at all this whole time? I knew at least with food weight and bloating I'd have a significant gain.

You know what happened? I maintained.

How?? I was totally prepared for gaining and now that I haven't for some reason it's giving me anxiety. Is it going to sneak up on me? How is all of this massive amount of food I ate the past few days not causing any weight gain? Is my scale fucked up? Is my brain? I know I should be like jumping for joy that I didn't gain weight from this weekend but instead it's sending my brain into anxiety overdrive, lol. Halp.

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[Rant/Rave] Does losing weight make anyone else feel like restricting even harder?
/u/thinnmints
Created: Tue Apr 18 09:42:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663lx5/does_losing_weight_make_anyone_else_feel_like/
---
I've lost 15 pounds so far and while I'm so not even close to my goal, it has given me even more motivation!

I put on this black t shirt that was tight two months ago and now it fits really well/kind of don't mind how I look right now in it. I was going to have tuna for lunch, but now I'll skip it.

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[Discussion] Anyone here use a kitchen safe?
/u/englishbreakfast77
Created: Tue Apr 18 09:25:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663i9e/anyone_here_use_a_kitchen_safe/
---
I came across it on amazon last night and I have been binging this entire week so I thought it would be useful because I have zero self control. I'll just keep my snacks in there and lock it when I feel a binge coming on. I was wondering if anyone else here has used one or heard of it?

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[Rant/Rave] Starving but cant eat.
/u/AhWaWaaWaaa
Created: Tue Apr 18 09:11:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/663f1e/starving_but_cant_eat/
---
Since February i have only been able to eat 1 bowl of cereal in the morning and maybe a couple snacks throughout the day but this last month ive eaten nothing but a slice of toast a day and drank about 2 liters of milk.

Im so unbelievably hungry but i cant eat at all has anyone got any suggestions? Its making me want to kill myself.

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[Other] Calorie tracking app that will predict weight with calorie intake less than 1200?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 07:46:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662wvu/calorie_tracking_app_that_will_predict_weight/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Faint and dizzy after just 2 weeks of restricting?
/u/advicewelcome2 [5"4 | CW 201.8 | LW 110 | HW 208 | GW 108 | 25 F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 07:42:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662w2z/faint_and_dizzy_after_just_2_weeks_of_restricting/
---
So I've been restricting for what I'm estimating is just over 2 weeks now. I've been doing pretty well and most days I stay just above or below 500 cals. This past weekend I ended up going out for a 3 hour hike and ended up having kind of a biggish lunch afterward to compensate.

Last night before I went to bed I noticed that I had lost almost 2 lbs in 2 days which made me like 'huh. that's really quick. okay cool'. Honestly I was a little bit scared of how quick it was, but also like, who doesn't like losing 2 lbs in 2 days right?.

So I go to bed listening to some music and I feel this pressure on my chest. Not a pain, not a tingling, but like a pressure on my chest like I really needed to burp or something, but couldn't. I put it down to drinking a lot of diet soda that day and tried to get some sleep.

However, the feeling didn't go away and I was like .... okayyyy.... what do I do now? I had reached my ideal calories for the day and didn't want to mess that up, but ultimately I gave up and went to eat some safe foods and having some water. During this time, my vision was a little bit blurry, but nothing crazy and I could still see.

Went back to bed and found it much easier to get to sleep. Woke up and of course my weight went up by 6 grams overnight due to the extra food (I'm guessing). Then this morning i've been particularly dizzy/faint, which I haven't felt leading up to today.

I'm looking to increase my daily calorie intake from 500 to 800-1000(?) just so I don't pass out in the future. Does anyone else have experience with the heavy chest feeling or can give any suggestions on how I can feel less faint/dizzy? (I know the answer is eat more, but ya know lol)

Thanks loves :) <3

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[Help] Skin issues from restriction?
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 07:41:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662vun/skin_issues_from_restriction/
---
Just wondering if anyone else is having this issue and how to fix it. Ever since I started restricting harder (under 600 cals), my face has been developing rosacea type spots on my cheeks. I can't think of what else would be triggering this.. sigh. Is there some kind of cream that's good for this?

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[Rant/Rave] Rant/Rave: Need to get this off my chest
/u/sanii123
Created: Tue Apr 18 07:25:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662sqi/rantrave_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest/
---
I haven't told anyone I know about my bulimia (aside from my doctor and my parents who are under the impression that I am recovering) and since I'm anonymous on Reddit, I feel like this is a good place to have the rant I've been craving to have.

I'm currently relapsing and very badly. I've gained weight, I'm tired all the time, and I just can't stop being obsessive over my diet and exercise choices.

Yesterday I weighed myself in the morning and was heavier than the night before, so I fasted all through the day . However (most likely due to my water consumption during the day to make up for the lack of food) I had gained 0.5kg in the evening when I re-weighed myself. I felt demoralised about it but was really hungry and couldn't stop myself from eating 2 pieces of chicken, rice, cottage cheese and salad and rich Indian gravy when I went out for dinner with my family.

This morning I woke up guilty for not going through with my fast all day (I had planned to limit myself to 150 calories for the dinner as it would be harder to avoid a meal with people around at a dinner gathering- and ended up having a lot more instead) and also found that I weighed the same as last night. Today I consumed 600 calories during the day (1 glass of milk, 1 apple, 1 nectarine and then a full 300 calorie dinner) but blew it by bingeing on raw oats in milk (consumed about 1000 calories in one sitting as I had multiple serves). That puts me at my BMR for today, and means that all my efforts from yesterday and today have failed pathetically.

I desperately need to lose 15kg, and I need to lose it fast. I already feel humiliated for my poor self control and choices, and the shame is getting to be unbearable for me. Losing it healthily is not an option because my mind won't allow me to escape this behaviour.

I've been through treatment and recovery in the past and will go through it again after I lose the 15kg, because it makes me gain weight which will counteract the whole goal of weight loss. I'm not clinically overweight (within the healthy weight range) but feel that it would be better for me to reduce this weight before I consider recovery and treatment (losing the weight will allow me to remain in the healthy weight range). /rant

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[Help] Feeling so guilty after eating last night. Need a little support. :-\
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 07:23:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662shd/feeling_so_guilty_after_eating_last_night_need_a/
---
So I've been doing so good since Thursday and staying under 500 calories mostly with a max of 800.

Well last night my boyfriend and I went to a nice dinner and I kind of had to eat because he worries about me. I wasn't even like, hungry at all. If we had just gone home after work I wouldn't have eaten a damn thing. Uuuuugh.

So I ate like some seafood dip on pita triangles and about half a plate of bacon cheeseburger and fries. I think my calorie count for the day was around 900-1000 including the sugar free iced coffee I had for breakfast/lunch.

I feel like absolute shit. I almost was up all night last night worrying about it and I even had a dream about me putting back on the weight I've lost. I know that one day of going over my calories won't really mess me up but oh my god, the guilt is overwhelming.

What do you guys do when you feel guilty?

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[Help] Help: ProAna/ProMia tips?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 18 07:09:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662pvy/help_proanapromia_tips/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] How do you work out at home?
/u/itsybitsyy [5'6" | 125 | 20.4 | -15 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 06:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662gk3/how_do_you_work_out_at_home/
---
I'm finally getting to a reasonable weight so any tiny muscles I have aren't buried under layers of fat anymore, but crippling anxiety keeps me from going to the gym because I really hate the idea of anyone seeing my body. :|

I've never been able to find any reeeeally good programs on Netflix/Hulu/etc, but I just started doing Kayla Itsines' program. Frankly, the idea of "bodyweight fitness" when I'm trying to minimize my bodyweight as much as possible is pretty hilarious to me.

How do y'all handle non-gym exercise?

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[Help] Hit the UGW, mixed feelings
/u/yummmies [5'4.5" | 99 | 16.7| -65 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 06:06:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662eng/hit_the_ugw_mixed_feelings/
---
-65 pounds later, I finally got below 100. Double digits. 3 days before I turn 20. I decided to do this way back in June, right at the beginning of my ED. This is the lowest I've been since 4th grade.

I spent a while wondering what I was gonna do once I hit my UGW. Celebrate? Pig out? Maintain? Do nothing different? But ultimately, I will go for the most ED decision and choose to change my UGW to 95 pounds.

When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was pretty excited to see the number. I even took a photo. Now it's 2 hours later, and all I can think about is going back to the weight loss grind. It's not that I think that my body is still fat even, but it's a habit now. Something I have to do. I'm too scared of food, even when I've never minded weight fluctuations or gain. It's not dissatisfaction, but just ambivalence towards this new weight. Even if I spent months coveting it, I feel nothing.

Guys I don't know how I feel, or how to really progress from here. I'm scared of this, but I'm even more scared of the reverse. Without a UGW, I don't feel certain about anything anymore.

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 18 06:04:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662eee/daily_food_diary_april_18_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Thinspo] Legs
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Tue Apr 18 05:42:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/662at5/legs/
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http://imgur.com/a/7yXms

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[Rant/Rave] Nachos
/u/Nootbee
Created: Tue Apr 18 03:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/661ps7/nachos/
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On my way to 7-11 at 4am, for nachos.

And this makes sense because....

.... I have decided a long walk to get a small nachos now is better than consuming all 28 remaining oz. of Apple Jacks.

445 calories - nachos
1260 calories - apple jacks.

so annoyed why am I even....?

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[Rant/Rave] Rant. Work going wrong leading to binge and heavy restriction
/u/throwaway_red_007
Created: Tue Apr 18 01:27:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/661egs/rant_work_going_wrong_leading_to_binge_and_heavy/
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So I'm in charge of someone at work and things have gone so wrong the last few weeks. I'm nervous about losing my job. Two weeks ago I went on a huge binge and since then I have been on a b/p cycle which I've had to hide because I've been away at conferences for work and hotel walls are really thin. Despite all this and the huge stress of work I find myself fixating on food when I could be about to lose my job. My life is on the verge of going completely wrong and I'm just thinking about potato chips.... FML. Sorry for the rant. Not sure what the point of this post is other than to ask if anyone else fixates during tough times?

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[Rant/Rave] Crying over strawberries. And betrayal.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Apr 18 00:40:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6618ei/crying_over_strawberries_and_betrayal/
---
My own mother lied to me today. Deceived me!!! I'm so fucking angry. Crying. HOW DARE SHE!! She told me the chocolate-covered strawberries she bought me from edible arrangements were 35 calories each and I was STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE HER!!!!! I ate four tonight, because I thought 140 calories wouldn't be so bad. And then I looked it up. 140. Per. Fucking. Strawberry. That's nearly 600 fucking calories at 1 A.M.!!! I can't eat anything for 24 hours now. FUCK HER!!! I TRUSTED HER!!!! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME!?!?!! Was it ignorance or malice?!!

She's coming over tomorrow and we're going shoe shopping. Not anymore. She can go by herself and I'll shop on amazon. And absolutely fuck the lunch we were going to have. Fuck it. Fuck it all. How dare she do this to me!!!

From now on, I'm tracking my calories immediately before I eat them and not immediately after.

My husband just came into the living room, annoyed to have been woken up by my sobbing. Oh, I'm sorry my abject fucking misery is marring your 8 hours. That must be such an inconvenience to you. Asshole. Prick. And to think I have sex with him.

I swear to the Pantheon everyone is conspiring against me to make me fat. I don't want to listen to anyone anymore. Fuck my husband. I still love him but fuck him. Fuck my parents. Fuck my treatment team. Fuck them all with the business end of a spear.

I feel so betrayed.

---

[Discussion] Things people say about EDs/food/life in general that drive you mad.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 18 00:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66178u/things_people_say_about_edsfoodlife_in_general/
---
An old family friend recently lost weight due to stress and my mother was saying how he's 'too skinny' and 'looking gross'. He's always been overweight, but a healthy BMI just looks foreign on him. She kept say various forms of 'skinny' over and over. I just wanted to hang up the phone.

Even at 145, she said I was looking 'too skinny' and not to get obsessed and gross and skeletal. The way she says 'skinny' is like as if the word pained her to say and disgusted her at the same time.

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[Rant/Rave] I wish I could be left alone with just the right amount of my safe foods and my calorie tracking app and no one to judge me and my dog and my bed and wifi
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 23:55:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6612nm/i_wish_i_could_be_left_alone_with_just_the_right/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 23:40:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6610mz/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/9qa6itkj19sy.jpg

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[Discussion] ELI5: why does bulimia (b/p) cause/have worse side effects compared to just restricting and/or fasting?
/u/diamond_sourpatchkid [5'2" | 124 | 24.6 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 22:59:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/660uji/eli5_why_does_bulimia_bp_causehave_worse_side/
---
Other than the teeth yellowing and getting cavities from the stomach acids, in my head I just think of it as the same as not eating, because it goes in but not digested. But fasting can be really beneficial for you and strict low cal diets don't result in hair loss, acne, as quickly as regular throwing up does. (Yes, I know it can eventually.) But bulimia you see these side effects much quicker and harsher, so why is it so much different?


I might even ask this same question on actual ELI5 under a different account, maybe a doctor can more accurately describe whats going on when throwing up happens.

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[Rant/Rave] Should have been the worst day ever
/u/bravbo
Created: Mon Apr 17 22:44:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/660sgr/should_have_been_the_worst_day_ever/
---
I´m usually just a lurker but I´m so happy I had to post.
I´m back to school after a week long vacation where I just binged all day every day (I gained only like 2 pounds bc I'm a fatass already) and only slept 3 hours compared to my usual 9. The minute I step on school I start feeling anxious and almost had a panic attack, and I couldn´t find the school counselor. I kinda got over it after two hours or so but just felt overwhelmed the entire day. My cell phone is broken so I couldn´t talk to my friends (and I was also bored during all my classes lol) and my period started suddenly and leaked and stained my favorite leggings. It was supposed to be a pretty sucky day, considering I was going to stay at school until 8 pm. Then I realized I had also forgotten my lunch money so I took it as an opportunity to try and do a fast or something, even tho I know I always binge when I get home. I didn´t realize I was actually going to stay at school until 10 pm because of my theater rehearsal. The director got really angry at us so there goes my appetite, and we also did a costume check. I got my measurements taken when I was about 10 lbs lighter so I´m happy it fits and motivated to try and restrict until after the presentation on Sunday.
So I arrive home at 11 because of the rain and the day is almost over, I haven´t eaten a thing and I feel strong. I feel so pumped, I want to try and break my fast record see how long I can last, I want to get back on track and I feel like maybe this time I can succeed.
My day was pretty shitty, but the fact that I could fast after a long time of not doing it made it the best day for me, funny how one small thing can make everything better. I hope you something good also happens to you!

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[Discussion] Since I lost weight, my butt bones keep making my legs numb
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Mon Apr 17 22:29:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/660q00/since_i_lost_weight_my_butt_bones_keep_making_my/
---
So I sit on my butt bones and I've always had a bony ass- even when I am fat as fuck. I've noticed if I sit a certain way- one leg or the other will go numb.

Anyone else get that?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] it's been three days since I decided to "recover"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 22:05:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/660m8d/rantrave_its_been_three_days_since_i_decided_to/
---
I'm back, guys. I've been supposed to eat at maintenance but honestly I've just been binging like crazy on everything I denied myself before. Scared to weigh myself. I feel bloated and gross. Going to try to get restricting again.

The rave is that today I bought myself a new dress (size xs at h&m!!) and a new pair of heels, and I chopped my hair off into a pixie cut! Can't get chubby with a cut like this so I have all new motivation lol

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[Rant/Rave] A series of unfortunate events (rant)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 20:35:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6606ja/a_series_of_unfortunate_events_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Kind of sad
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Mon Apr 17 20:21:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/66041u/kind_of_sad/
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... That a couple of months ago my GW was 125 and now, when I'm fed I weigh around 120 and I feel gross and bloated and angry at myself for not being 115-110 yet.

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[Help] Nausea after eating?
/u/altonsiften [5'6 | 110 | BMI idk | -15 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 20:05:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6600x1/nausea_after_eating/
---
I get a bit nauseous after eating, which sucks because I want to hit at least 700 calories a day so I don't end up fainting.

I've been restricting under 600-700 calories a day for the past two weeks, and I'm already pretty skinny. Any tips to fight this nausea? What gives?

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[Rant/Rave] HA! @ me
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Mon Apr 17 19:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65zwmf/ha_me/
---
i thought i gained literally 6 pounds buT IT TURNS OUT IM JUST SO FUCKING LAZY I FUCK MY BC UP AND GOT MY PERIOD A WEEK AND 4 DAYS EARLY

hA TAKE THAT WEIGHT GAIN

I WENT UP TO 158 AND ALMOST LOST MY SHIT

BUT HEY BACK DOWN TO 153 FUCK U @ MY BODY

---

[Rant/Rave] I did a thing that made me feel good and I want to share.
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 196.6 lbs | 37.25 | 93.4 lbs | TM]
Created: Mon Apr 17 19:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65zw44/i_did_a_thing_that_made_me_feel_good_and_i_want/
---
This is kinda not ED-related but I've been struggling a lot lately (almost got involuntarily committed last Thursday when I was just trying to get a referral to counseling). Today was a very frustrating day and I was feeling really depressed and unsafe. There's an "emergency" bag of potato chips in the back of the cupboard because honestly a binge/purge cycle is easier to hide than a self-harm episode.

Instead I went downstairs (my apartment complex has a fitness room which it seems no one else ever uses--score!) and jogged 3.5 miles. I felt much better after, especially because that was something I didn't think I was even capable of doing for half a mile, let alone for a whole 3.5. I think it was also really helpful for my mood because it was something I decided to do and did; not my parents, not the doctors, and sure as shit not my ex.

I'm wicked sore now in pretty much every muscle group there is, but I had a 200 calorie dinner and still feel full and happy and think I might even get through the night without eating anything else. There's no one I can really share this good feeling with except you all, so there it is! I hope you are all having great days too, and find something that makes you feel proud and happy with yourself! :D

---

[Rant/Rave] Don't you hate it when you splurge your calories on something and it ends up sucking?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Mon Apr 17 18:36:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65zk1k/dont_you_hate_it_when_you_splurge_your_calories/
---
I got one of those Reece's candy bars that just wants to be a Butterfingers dipped in peanuts and it was so not worth the calories. Booooooooooo. Thank god I managed to stop myself and only eat half instead of just saying "fuck it" and finishing the whole thing, but still. I want a calorie refund.

---

I just turned 20 and the only thing I can think about is killing myself or trying to lose weight (TW)
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Mon Apr 17 17:08:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65z2y2/i_just_turned_20_and_the_only_thing_i_can_think/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65z27j/i_just_turned_20_and_the_only_thing_i_can_think/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

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[Rant/Rave] I just turned 20 and the only thing I can think about is killing myself or trying to lose weight (TW)
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | "in BND recovery" | GW: 115 | 20F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 17:04:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65z27j/i_just_turned_20_and_the_only_thing_i_can_think/
---
My ex was my first trigger to Bulimia. He stressed me out in some emotional sense, but he helped me a lot about keeping my mind off the guy who raped me on campus. When I'm happy, I think about eating because of my childhood. Food revolved around family gatherings and birthdays. But whenever I was sad, I didn't want to eat. He put me through both spectrums. I would be so happy I would have cravings for everything (things like chocolate and bread which were forbidden for me when I was going through months of fasting) and whenever he made me feel like shit I would just stop eating.

But I wasn't fully healed to be in a relationship. I just wanted some else to think about. And I told him that he could be my date for all my sorority stuff, which I just joined at the time last year. I told him how insecure I was about being in the sorority with such beautiful skinny girls. And he made me feel like I was worth being in it.

We broke up on Christmas and ever since my life has been fucking all over the place.

Now I'm going through cycles of not eating for a week to eating everything in a week and gaining weight. I've gained a lot.

I just turned 20 and I just want to be skinny and I didn't eat for the first half of the day today and has soon as I started eating, I started crying. I'm fucking tired of everything. I want to fucking leave and kill myself, but the only person I care about is my mom and I can't fucking leave her at where she is at with her health.

It's like I want to be here or not at all. And I only want to be here if I'm skinny and completely out of bulimia.

Sorry I had to rant somewhere because every professional I've been speaking to doesn't get anything I'm ever talking about.

---

[Rant/Rave] "I guess you're one of those people who look heavier than they are!"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 16:58:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65z10m/i_guess_youre_one_of_those_people_who_look/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Rant] [Discussion] my life is a joke
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 223.8 lbs | 39.27| -7 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 15:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ykqy/rant_discussion_my_life_is_a_joke/
---
Just binged on some Burger King. My life is a joke. Time to purge but that recent post talking about purging causing seizures is scaring me. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. $20 bucks of burger king down the drain. Money I couldve used to finally send that package to my Norwegian friend. All gone because I wanted to feel good. Now these calories are making me look back feeling how worthless I am.

Post binge comedown is the worst. Anyone else feel happy then come back to reality and immediately regret the money spent and the weight of the calories smashing down on you?

---

[Rant/Rave] A man I met yesterday told me to lose weight within an hour
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Mon Apr 17 15:31:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65yiit/a_man_i_met_yesterday_told_me_to_lose_weight/
---
So we were having a drink at a pub with some friends and this a**hole who was a friend of one of them. I accidentally downed someone elses glass thinking it was my water (it was clear), and it burned like hell so I was like 'lol someone give me some water, I'm getting cirrhosis of the liver over here'. Dude looks at me in all seriousness and says "not cirrhosis but definitely a fatty liver, you should lose weight....." He was fat himself..

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] "Actually skinny"
/u/Vanillacoke0 [5'9" | 153 | 22.9 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 15:01:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65yc5f/rave_actually_skinny/
---
So Saturday night I went to a party and I was doing a fashion show for my friend. So major restricting was done the weeks before to look the least gross as I can.

Loads of my friends were there that I haven't seen since valentines day.

After the fashion show my friends said they didn't recognise me and that I had lost so much weight.

I had my hair and makeup done differently so thats why they probably didnt recognise me.

One friend said that Ive lost so much weight I'm 'actually skinny' now.
Lol... how fat did they think I was before then?

I've been training for a marathon so they all said that it must be the running thats helped with my weight loss... not the fact that I fast 2/3 days a week and p/b.

I'm going to another big party in 2 weeks time so now I want to loss even more weight and see what they say. :D

---

[Rant/Rave] Weird goal: Get to below my UGW and then film myself doing the 10k calorie challenge, and post it to YouTube.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Apr 17 14:26:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65y49b/weird_goal_get_to_below_my_ugw_and_then_film/
---
UGW being 88. Get to 85. By then I'll feel ravenous most likely, lol. I'll also, hopefully, look tiny yet not, like, *emaciated* tiny? It's not too far below the new lower limit for BMI at my height.

I could easily pack away 10k calories. Maybe not right now, but I totally imagine I could then. I got close to that amount of cals at my lowest weights before and barely felt it when extreme hunger/reactive hunger hit it's hardest, whilst heavily restricting/fasting. All these really muscled bodybuilding people who can't hit it.. and I'd be this tiny thing who did. And so casually/easily. And filming every bit of it.

I dunno, I just think it would be hilarious... totally suspicious perhaps but, hilarious.

---

[Help] When is the "right" time to get help?
/u/capture_the_excite
Created: Mon Apr 17 14:24:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65y3r9/when_is_the_right_time_to_get_help/
---
I'm in a bit of a situation, I think. I'm (mostly) recovered but I've been restricting for about a month. I spent 5 days last week b/p and finally came out of it yesterday, but I can't hide the fact that I've lost 9lbs and I want to lose more. I am currently considering going back to therapy because I'm engaging in unhealthy behaviours like fasting, EC stacking and occasionally purging (although I think I have the last one under control).

The only thing holding me back is that my BMI hasn't reached the diagnostic criteria for anorexia yet, and it won't for another 10lbs. I'm at a healthy weight and I only want to lose another 5, but I think I've reached a point where I'm not sure I'll be able to stop once I lose those five pounds. So I want to lose the 5 and *then* seek help for transitioning to maintenance, but I don't know if that's a stupid idea?

I don't want help but I do. I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't want to stop, but I want to *want to* stop. That was enough to push me into treatment in the first place, but right now it doesn't cut it.

What would you do?

---

[Discussion] Does Anybody Fantasize About a Minimalist Wardrobe?
/u/babymamalatte
Created: Mon Apr 17 14:03:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xyyo/does_anybody_fantasize_about_a_minimalist_wardrobe/
---
I'm not talking depressiony wardrobe stasis here.

I'm talking...rompers. Like, I'm sort of caught in a daydream where I only have a small set of simply colored, mostly baggy rompers.

I wish my closet could reflect the ethereal quality I'm hoping to achieve physically. I don't like how scattered and creative I am some times only because I almost actually fetishize orderliness and simplicity.

I want something that sort of hides my body but is also comfy and confidence making. I'm constantly after that when perusing thrift shops. I want something that stops the constant pursuit of attractiveness I never totally feel. Maybe endgame is black rompers??

---

[Rant/Rave] Whyyyyyyyyyyyy world WHY
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Mon Apr 17 13:51:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xwdy/whyyyyyyyyyyyy_world_why/
---
[rant/rave] Had such a bad eating weekend - was my birthday on Saturday and got drunk (was probably at maintenance including alcohol) but I was so icky and hungover yesterday I ended up eating such crap food. Now I'm bloaty and gross. I was doing so well at sub 1000 intake now I'm actually feeling hungry after 1200. Does anyone else get this? Like an annoying reset every time you fuck up?

Grumble grumble grumble

---

[Discussion] Does anyone get a "high" off fasting?
/u/iamthedonquixote [5'5" | CW:115 | 19.1 | GW: 109 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 13:35:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xsny/does_anyone_get_a_high_off_fasting/
---
After the first day of so, does anyone get this high off of fasting? Though I'm not consuming 0 calories (coffee, sweetener, etc.) I'm certainly feeling what I can only describe as a high feeling. Does anyone else get this? Does anyone know why?

Naturally, after a few days, this might die down if not getting enough electrolytes and/or nutrients.

Edit: This is also one of the reasons I love intermittent fasting. I tend to do one meal a day, and really love it.

---

[Help] Has Losertown been accurate for you?
/u/thin-kitty [5'6 | 114 | -101 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 13:24:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xq70/has_losertown_been_accurate_for_you/
---
I put my info into Losertown and am really psyched to see a detailed account of what my weight loss will look like, so my question for people who have/are using it...how accurate is it?

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[Rant/Rave] 3500 calorie surplus
/u/Elope
Created: Mon Apr 17 13:18:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xooy/3500_calorie_surplus/
---
Since midnight last night I have managed to consume 5.5k calories. Enough of a surplus to make me gain an entire pound of fat. What the fuck? I didn't even binge. I guess you could say I ate ''intuitively''. I was hungover too, which I guess I used as an excuse. But once again: what the fuck? The thought of a literal pound of fat being added to my body is making me sick. My binges never hit this amount of calories. Like, this might be the most I've ever eaten in a day. It was three fucking meals. My face already looks fatter to me, which is impossible I know, but it's messing with me. I'm so annoyed at myself. There was so loss of control. Only me being a fucking idiot.

Quite guilty and ashamed of myself right now. I even made myself look like such a freak last night. Before I had meal number one, I'd actually bought a pizza. I cried and refused to eat it. In front of my friends. Then I went and passed out. Honestly if it had ended there I wouldn't even give a fuck. But when I woke up I ended up getting a takeaway. I ate it this time. Fuck my life. An easter egg + a chicken roll later and I am at 5.5k calories.

An entire pound of fat.

---

[Tip] I found a post on loseit about what happened when someone tried to sit through an urge to binge as though it were a panic attack. The whole idea was so powerful I cried.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Apr 17 13:08:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xmei/i_found_a_post_on_loseit_about_what_happened_when/
---
https://np.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/4oo1kd/how_meditation_mindfulness_and_being_incredibly/

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[Rant/Rave] Been going strong since Thursday thanks to phentermine, and I'm 6lbs down!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 13:03:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xl89/been_going_strong_since_thursday_thanks_to/
---
I started phentermine on Thursday. My goal is to stay under 500 calories per day if possible. I drink about 100oz of water a day.

I've been sticking to it and I'm pretty proud of myself so far. I've lost 6lbs.

Thursday: Sugar free vanilla iced coffee, half of a raspberry banana smoothie; 370 calories

Friday: Sugar free vanilla iced coffee, one tomato, iceberg lettuce, three links of turkey sausage; 400 calories

Saturday: Bacon and eggs, mozzarella cheese stick, 1/3 plate of hibachi ribeye; 698 calories -Saturday I went way over what I wanted to but kind of had to since I was with my boyfriend all day

Sunday: Leftover ribeye hibachi; 530 calories

Today so far I've had my regular sugar free vanilla iced coffee and nothing else. I plan on eating dinner but still want to stay around 500 calories.

I'm really excited to see how much weight I can drop while on the phentermine and will definitely keep it off once I'm done with this cycle of meds.

---

[Other] update/rambling mostly so i dont give up
/u/pencilwonder [173cm | CW78kg | -14kg | 19NB]
Created: Mon Apr 17 12:44:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65xh39/updaterambling_mostly_so_i_dont_give_up/
---
I really hope these types of posts are allowed eeeek i dont have anyone to talk about this with...

decided to eat a bit today after mostly fasting from friday till now (ate about 200cal of veggie soup on saturday so i mean technically not fast but whatever close enough) and tomorrow im walking 8km because of a job interview so im also gonna be eating.

i cant let this become normal so i will restrict but i dont feel like walking so much and then going through a stressful interview while fasting just so my brain can be all there and not too obsessed with food. I really need this job eeeeeeeee.

wednesday is doctor's visit, which im stressed about but i genuinely think i fucked something up because even when not fasting i feel unwell and in general like shit so we'll see. also my posture is fucked up and i need help with that.

lowest weight in 4 years reached after the fast this morning! i know it was because i probably didnt drink enough water but still!!!! im so happy.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] New addiction: "what I eat in a day" videos
/u/theobeseana
Created: Mon Apr 17 12:09:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x8zj/discussion_new_addiction_what_i_eat_in_a_day/
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There are thousands and thousands of these on YouTube, basically just hot fitness YouTubers showing what they eat most days. It's so perfect and healthy and pretty and little.

Now I'm addicted to pretending like I'm on one of those. No more sugar free low cal junk food, or eating a piece of pizza and 2 chocolate bars for the whole day.

I'm obsessed with having beautiful healthy looking food that I wouldn't be embarrassed to post on a video, but that also look high volume to non counters because I imagine not wanting comments that I don't eat enough. I just want to be a perfect pretty little girl who eats perfect pretty little meals.

---

[Intro] lurker no more!
/u/stillburn
Created: Mon Apr 17 12:03:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x7mq/lurker_no_more/
---
hi! obligatory throwaway because some of my closest friends know my other reddit account. i'm also mobile right now and can't flair anything, sorry!


i didn't know this subreddit was a thing until i stumbled upon it from mpa a few months-ish back and i've been lurking since, but decided to finally go ahead and introduce myself. :)


i'm 21, have been struggling with disordered eating since 13, originally with anorexia; then my "recovery attempt" last year turned into full-blown bulimia, but i've fallen back into a restriction phase the last month or so. it's basically been a very vicious cycle of restrict-binge-purge-fast and repeat.


my anorexia was at its worst from 18-20. everywhere i went was just stress, stress, stress and i couldn't get away from it. i went from 99lbs down to 70lbs and i was still as miserable as ever. my brother and uncle pressured me to eat and rudely commented that i looked like something out of a concentration camp, asked why i aspire to be like an anorexic model, etc. ignorant bullshit. i always told myself that just another pound or two would make me happy, and i'd stop. it didn't. i only gained weight because i went to live with my mom nearly two years ago and she's very guilt-trippy. ( and still also didn't believe i had a problem, and that i did it for vanity, lolok )


so, now i don't know my weight because my scale's been hidden but i'm around 99lbs again. i keep saying that just because i'm weight restored doesn't mean i'm not still damaged mentally. but non-ed people don't get that? normal weight = fixed? ?? every day is still a struggle. my mom tells me she wishes she was me because i have it easy. haha. if only she knew how much of a tiring battle it is to wake up every day at war with myself, fighting to not binge again, losing myself over even an ounce of weight gain, wasting my life away by a toilet while all of my old friends are happy and successful, feeling absolutely worthless and like a waste of oxygen.


i was offered in-patient treatment in the summer of last year when my bulimia was at its worst, but i was too scared of the commitment and never went through with it. my initial reasoning was concern over the definite weight gain i'd have, but then at one point i realized i also didn't want to be stripped of the control i have, because i feel like it's all i have left and i don't want it taken from me.


i'm in another one of my 10000 restriction cycles, but i really want to give up bingeing and purging. it ruined my life, ruined my health even further, and stripped me of the last of my worth and made me feel less than human. purging gave me a high back then, but even that doesn't keep me going mentally anymore. it tires me. it's like getting up and brushing teeth in the morning; another thing to do as a routine.


so, yeah, that's about where i am now. according to everyone, i'm healthy as can be just because i gained weight, and that's the most dangerous misconception anyone can have, i learned, and is what especially makes bulimia dangerous. i have a bad heart, and can probably drop dead any time during a purge, especially because i rinse, but no, i'm totally healthy, guys!


ANYWAYS, i rambled enough, but thought i'd finally start posting because the people here seem very welcoming and close, and i relate so much to the content here.

---

[Help] My boyfriend is starting to pay attention
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 12:01:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x72q/my_boyfriend_is_starting_to_pay_attention/
---
When we first started dating I didn't want to seem weird so whenever and whatever he ate, I ate. I felt terrible but it's normal to eat together. We've been dating over a year now and I've been in a crazy binge/restrict cycle. When I'm with him I tell him I'm not hungry but he doesn't believe me since I always used to eat with him so he brings me food anyways and I can't say no if he brings me breakfast in bed or cooks dinner. He has always told me I am beautiful even when I call myself fat. While I appreciate that he likes me at my current weight, I am noticing that he doesn't like it when I call my self fat anymore. Like before he'd be like "no no you're perfect I love you" but now he's like "you don't need to be skinny. You should eat more" like he is now noticing how much I actually don't like my weight and how weird I am about food. I'm not worried he would dump me when I get to my goal weight but I am worried that he will catch on to my having an eating disorder and force me into something i don't want. Sorry if it is hard to follow I just had to get it all out of me!

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[Thinspo] To be a dream in an oversized tee.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:47:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x3vu/to_be_a_dream_in_an_oversized_tee/
---
http://imgur.com/YPDJYFZ

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[Discussion] Unexpected thinspo songs (discussion)
/u/Discountmein
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:46:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x3ol/unexpected_thinspo_songs_discussion/
---
So, I've been making a playlist on Spotify for songs that are a little bit more "stealth" thinspo. I have a couple examples that really motivate me. For example, the song "Rubber Traits" by Why? has the line "I should cut down my caloric intake/ I should go to sleep hungry and wake up with my guts knotted up." Another one is "Find a Topic" by Isaiah Rashaad. He raps "skin and bones, you are my favorite type" in an otherwise pretty "normal" song.

Does anyone else look out for subtle or understated lyrics in songs like this? If anyone has other examples, I'd love to hear them!

Ps the playlist I've made is called "boponomo" as in BOdy POsitive NO MOre so that's a sick little joke I have with myself 🤷🏼‍♀️

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[Help] Having trouble getting out of a shit routine.
/u/grim-limb
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x2h5/having_trouble_getting_out_of_a_shit_routine/
---
I always do well restricting on week days. Walking lots etc. But I really want to kick my habit of B&P on weekends and the odd weekday when I feel overwhelmed.

Any tips on how to stop that have worked personally for you ? Could really use the support. Thanks Lovies.

---

One day may we all look like this in oversized tees.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:40:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65x287/one_day_may_we_all_look_like_this_in_oversized/
---
http://imgur.com/YPDJYFZ

---

[Discussion] Short film & poem: "When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny" - Blythe Baird
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:27:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wz1t/short_film_poem_when_the_fat_girl_gets_skinny/
---
I pretty much have never related to something so much in my **life**.. apart from the bit at the end about recovery. It's like.. this is me. This was, is, my life..

God damn, *feelings*...

[**WHEN THE FAT GIRL GETS SKINNY: The Short Film** - Blythe Baird](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXFaaWmaltE)

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm slowly puffing my way into morbid obesity
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:18:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wx1k/i_feel_like_im_slowly_puffing_my_way_into_morbid/
---
I've been maintaining my weight down to the pound for like six months. Damn you, dysmorphia. Damn you.

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[Rant/Rave] Gave away my binge foods
/u/fzzah [5'6'' | CW: too much | GW: 45 kgs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:14:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ww9z/gave_away_my_binge_foods/
---
I binged sooo much on sunday I probably ate like 2000 cals, i felt so sad and gross so I just went and gave my friend most of my binge food. Im so proud of myself for doing that but Im also so upset bc I miss my food.

The only binge/high cal food I have left is ramen, I know I should give it away but I can't bc i love it so much. ^i ^also ^have ^hot ^chocolate ^thats ^really ^high ^cal ^but ^i ^cant ^live ^without ^it

Someone please convince me to give it away, I ate 2 packets of it on sunday and I don't want to do that again.

---

Rooney Mara
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Mon Apr 17 11:12:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wvq4/rooney_mara/
---
http://imgur.com/a/UVSqk

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[Intro] Hello world
/u/Vicamin [5'5" | CW: 115 | 19.3 | -27 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 10:52:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wr5d/hello_world/
---
I've been lurking here for months, and things have been getting harder so I figured that it's time to finally say hello.

To keep the details out and my story short, I developed an ED a few years ago. It was slow, but it worked. I worked. And things were good until I had to "recover", at which point I lost all the control I built up. It took me months of pain and gain (literally), but I've finally grounded myself again and I'm trying so hard to make things work.

The reason I'm speaking out now is because I'm frustrated. Maybe a little scared and a little mad. I've been a runner for years, and since developing an ED I've been running more and more. Not long ago, I started running in the mornings. And as I've been running more, I know I haven't made a sufficient change in my diet and routine. So I guess I burnt out; one morning I woke up and my back hurt. It hurt to run, to take long walks, to exercise.

It's been almost a week, so I finally decided to go to the clinic. I was told that it's not my spine/bones. It's most likely my muscles. They're probably weak, so if I start making improvements and exercising those muscles I'll feel better. That might take 2-3 days, they said.

But I'm not sure. It could take longer. What if it takes longer? I'm thinking it'll take another week. I can't run but I need to run. I know that if I start slipping now, I'm going to feel like I'm losing control and then I will start losing control. I think I already have. I'm trying to tell myself to calm down and let my body heal itself, before I get all stubborn, try to run again, and make things worse. I did that when I had shin splits, and that was not fun.

I know I'll get better. Eventually. It's just so frustrating to halt my progress, and there's no one who I can talk to about this. There's no one else who'd understand, except for you guys. So thanks for reading. :)

---

[Rant/Rave] I gained two pounds.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 10:35:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wnaz/i_gained_two_pounds/
---
I told myself all day, "It's Easter! A couple of holidays a year won't kill your progress! Eat and enjoy your family time!"

2 pounds in 24 hours. I didn't even think I went very far above my TDEE. I feel fucking disgusting and like I've ruined the progress I've made.

I was really stuck, could not break below 122 for days, and now I went even further. On top of that, I feel like my body is adjusting to all my usual methods of restriction, so I have to figure something else out quickly.

---

[Help] Eggless no carb breakfast ideas?
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Mon Apr 17 10:32:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wmev/eggless_no_carb_breakfast_ideas/
---
I'm trying to go no carb (to the best of my ability) for the rest of this month to see how it goes, but I can't figure out what to have for breakfast. I know you'll say just have some eggs BUT here's the catch. I hate the egg smell. I always run the dish washer twice if I make eggs because it lingers. I smell the dishes one by one so if someone cooked eggs and didn't double wash them I don't want that smell to catch me unguarded because I always end up almost throwing up.

So friends, here I am, standing in front of a.. hang on.. that was something else. Anyways, all recipes welcome. xx

---

[Rant/Rave] I Can't Decide On Anything
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 10:00:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wewc/i_cant_decide_on_anything/
---
Rant (on mobile)

So yesterday I binged. The night before I was up because my heart was going funny and my feet were swelling. Apparently this is supposed to be a sign that you're heart isn't working like it should, so circulation is bad. So the next morning I panic and try to eat a lot of protein. At the end of the day, it leads to me eating whatever I can get my hands on. At first I thought "Okay, I was scared anyway I'll use it as a refeed/cheat day. Buuut, like my brain would let me do that, so I panicked again thinking about all the weight I was going to gain, and went to try to purge most of it (unsuccessfully, but got some of it).

I'm so sick of not being able to decide what to do. I don't want to die. I don't want to get fat. This is starting to feel mutually exclusive. So I'm stuck wondering if I want to be a fat failure, but a guarantee of no heart ailments, or a skinny success with the possibility of major health complications. I can't choose what I want more and it's running me.

I usually seem to be able to fix the problem with myself, even with my restrictions most of the time. I don't know how much longer I can do it before I can't and permanent damage sets in. It's killing me (no pun intended) that I feel I can't have it all. I don't know how to live anymore.

---

[Thinspo] My favourite dancing video thinspiration
/u/maculazy
Created: Mon Apr 17 09:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65wb0f/my_favourite_dancing_video_thinspiration/
---
https://youtu.be/6R8QvOf20_w

---

Weekly Stats Update! April 17, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 09:36:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65w9ou/weekly_stats_update_april_17_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 10, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Daily Food Diary! April 17, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 09:35:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65w9cc/daily_food_diary_april_17_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else suddenly feel like cooking/baking a ton of food that you won't eat?
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 09:33:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65w91a/does_anyone_else_suddenly_feel_like_cookingbaking/
---
I just started really low restriction in hopes of dropping a few more for shorts weather, and all of a sudden I have an obsession with recipes and stuff. I don't even plan on eating anything I make except low-cal chicken noodle soup. I usually don't like to cook much, but I've been really wanting to just make a bunch of food, maybe give some of it away to people. Am I weird?

---

[Rant/Rave] Two sizes smaller than I thought! (rave)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 09:30:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65w8er/two_sizes_smaller_than_i_thought_rave/
---
Mom took me out to bluenotes yesterday , and we were looking at jeans. I always wear leggings so this is something totally new. I didnt know what size I am, so I picked out a 26 since my waist is a 25-26. My mom keeps insisting I try smaller sizes. We also asked the sales lady for help, and she said I was slender (!!), and she would try to find smaller sizes. So we also grab a 25 and 24. The 24 was unbelievably tiny.

In the change room, I try on the 26, and its snug. I thought, "well, 26 is my size. Theres no way a 25, let alone a 24 would fit"

My mom tells me the jeans look good, and to try the others . The 25 is loose. I tell myself its just the cut. Mom tells me to try the 24, and I feel like crying. I put it on, and ....

It fits! Its a bit snug, but it fits! And it looks better than the 26! Im still loosing weight, so itll only get looser from here. I was so happy. I ended up leaving with the 24 :)

---

[Discussion] What feature are you most excited to have prominent after weightloss
/u/thinandmints [5'4 | 110 | 18.9 | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 08:55:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65w0pi/what_feature_are_you_most_excited_to_have/
---
most of us have struggled with the things we physically cannot change (Too tall, too short, wide ribs, wide shoulders etc.) but does anyone else have a feature that they think (or know) will look good after weightloss? or just something you're excited for

---

[Discussion] WARNING—Dangers of Bulimia: Seizures. [Trigger Warning]
/u/95CHOI
Created: Mon Apr 17 08:53:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65w08p/warningdangers_of_bulimia_seizures_trigger_warning/
---
(Can't flair, mobile.)
I had a seizure two days ago. I remember nothing and worst of all, I felt fine before it happened. I had signs of it a few hours before had but naturally passed it off as faintness—a common feeling for me at this point—so I thought nothing of it.

One minute I was doing housework and the next minute I woke up on the lounge with paramedics as well as my mum and brother next to me telling me I collapsed/had a seizure.

All the tests they did came back fine. My brother (who is actually a training paramedic) said it could have been a mix of exhaustion and dehydration. I'm not sure what gave me the idea that purging could cause seizures but I looked it up and it just so happens it in fact can cause them because of the electrolyte imbalance that comes as a result of frequent throwing up. I could probably count on one hand the amount of times in the last month I've managed to keep my fingers out of my throat for a whole 24hrs. Couple that with taking laxatives at 3x the recommended dose every other day... Yeah.

This is really more or less a post to say: If you've never purged or used laxatives, please never start. Or even if you're still in a place where you can stop, STOP NOW. There's nothing beneficial from this. It's not an "easy fix", I've still gained (A LOT of) weight back. And eventually, there will be more consequences than just weight gain and you will get ill. Don't be ignorant enough to think it "won't happen to you" like I did. It will.

I don't remember how things got so out of hand.... I don't feel like they are out of hand... In the back of my mind, I tell myself I can stop whenever. But despite suspecting the very cause of my seizure was purging, I've continued to b&p the last two days since coming home from the hospital. I say no more but then I eat again and I just have to... I want to stop so bad but I just can't stand being full...

---

[Help] Help with smoking
/u/skinnywishes11 [5'6 | 116 | 19.4 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 08:27:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65vuqv/help_with_smoking/
---
So I think it's time I quit smoking cigarettes. I love smoking, and I've been using it as a crutch for weight loss/avoiding binges for years now. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice?

---

[Help] Fasting tips?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 47kg | 17.7 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Mon Apr 17 07:46:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65vmlg/fasting_tips/
---
[removed]

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 16 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 07:24:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65viqv/summer_goals_day_16_checkin/
---
Hands up if yesterday did not go as planned for you 🙋🏻😒😒😒😒😒😒

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve? ❤

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I am not sure where else to post this sorry
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 06:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65v9wv/rant_i_am_not_sure_where_else_to_post_this_sorry/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Should I see a doctor if I lost 3.6kg (8lbs) in a week?
/u/fatty937
Created: Mon Apr 17 06:20:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65v7jg/should_i_see_a_doctor_if_i_lost_36kg_8lbs_in_a/
---
[removed]

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[Meme/Humor] something lighthearted for those of us feeling the post easter binge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 05:55:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65v3id/something_lighthearted_for_those_of_us_feeling/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bOBXV4CSeM

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[Discussion] Opinions on non-ed related therapy?
/u/faithfulbones [5'0" | 113lbs (GW 98) | 21 | -71 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 05:21:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65uyco/opinions_on_noned_related_therapy/
---
Is it possible to go to therapy without dealing with my disordered eating? I really don't want that to come up. But I would like help with my anxiety, and negative self talk, and dealing with past trauma. Do y'all think it's possible to get through it without bringing up ed? I am small but I'm not tiny by any means, and I'm not underweight 🤔

---

[Rant/Rave] Trying to resist an oatmeal binge.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Apr 17 05:15:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65uxkb/trying_to_resist_an_oatmeal_binge/
---
I did much better over Easter than I thought I would. I severely overate, lol, but not half as much as I could have done and it was pure greed over yummy food, none of it was a binge. I'm 4lbs up from before the weekend (106->110) but I know that will be mostly water and food and bloat weight (and perhaps gas, because I necked fat/carb binders a couple of times). I'd have gained perhaps 0.5lbs of fat from the whole weekend (even disregarding the binders, assuming they did nothing), if my counting is not off.

Only problem is now for some reason, I am feeling an oatmeal binge coming on. I either get these as a result of extreme hunger, or being too low carb for too long, or general carb cravings.. I can't tell which today. Could be simple cravings a result of all the sugar yesterday, but I do feel the ravenous hungry feeling too. Eurgh.

It's 12pm and I've been fighting it since I woke up at 7am. It's not letting up at *all*. That makes me think it's a hunger thing but I can't be sure. It's making me really nervous. I wanted to fast today to 'undo' yesterday since one fasting day would wipe it out almost completely tbh.. Monday is usually an easy fasting day for me.

I can't just get one small moderate bowl of oats when I feel like this. One will lead to a billion HUGE ones, lol. I don't want to take any of my binders because A) They are expensive and I prefer to keep them aside until I am facing a meal high in both carbs and fats (like, ultra bad meals) and B) I REALLY don't want to rely on them to let myself eat stuff. I don't even know if they work, so.. I usually keep them when I know I'm gonna be eating *anyway*, just crossing my fingers they've given me extra help. And yeah I wanted to fast today, I really want to resist it today..

I'm really distressed right now. I've tried so much to distract myself and nothing is working, at all. 'Urge surfing' NEVER worked for me, it just heightens the binge feelings. I can't even give in and excuse it/call it a carb up because all that sugar yesterday, it's hardly like I'm dry lol. Currently glugging diet coke to the point my stomach hurts.. even that's not putting me off. I've been trying to cut back recently but fuck it.

Fuck everything.

---

[Discussion] Has anyone stuck to eating just one meal a day for any length of time?
/u/BecomingJessica [23/F | 5'6" | Planet | -21lbs | UGW: 115lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 17 03:30:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ukhm/has_anyone_stuck_to_eating_just_one_meal_a_day/
---
I've been looking at intermittent fasting and I was wondering how doable having just a one hour period to eat in per day would be. I feel like it would maybe be easier to just eat all my calories in one go cause it would kind of feel like a binge but it wouldn't really be?

I'm basically just aiming for no more than 1000 calories right now. I wanna do less but I've been trying to lately and every single day it's just backfired and I've binged.

Anyway. Just looking for any experiences with this as it would really help me out!!

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[Rant/Rave] Things are so strange right now
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 17 02:39:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65uew4/things_are_so_strange_right_now/
---
[deleted]

---

*proceeds to feel frustrated that I'm gaining*
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 00:48:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65u223/proceeds_to_feel_frustrated_that_im_gaining/
---
https://i.redd.it/6eyu4k8p82sy.png

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[Discussion] Does purging (or binging/purging) cause acne or make it more likely for zits to form?
/u/diamond_sourpatchkid [5'2" | 124 | 24.6 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 00:46:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65u1uh/does_purging_or_bingingpurging_cause_acne_or_make/
---
I feel like the more I have gotten into the habit of throwing up, something thats taken me awhile to get the hang of or do, my skin has been a bit more flaring up. Now, there are other factors of course. I am in college and the last term I definitely fell asleep with my makeup on more than a few times not gunna lie so maybe I'm playing catch up, so could be that. However, would purging be doing this?

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[Rant/Rave] freaking out because I'm not as tall as I thought I was
/u/iamfatfatty [5'4 | CW: 124 | GW: 100 | 19F]
Created: Mon Apr 17 00:17:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65tyfw/freaking_out_because_im_not_as_tall_as_i_thought/
---
I've always thought I was 5'5 and have based all my bmi/tdee/bmr/etc calculations on that but using a tape measure i got a while ago i just measured myself and turns out i'm only 5'4 and im freaking out because this means my bmi is a lot higher all of a sudden even though I know it's not really that big of a deal

fml ive been resisting binging all day and im bloated because pms and I had 2 nightmares in a row and it's been raining like crazy all day here and omg today has been a bad day ;-;

on the upside this means there's a whole extra inch of height difference between my not-so-tall boyfriend and me now .-. (but who is also much thinner than i am)

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[Rant/Rave] I never wanted to recover
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 23:35:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65tt2p/i_never_wanted_to_recover/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Went to the ER last night. Not sure what to tag this.
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sun Apr 16 23:09:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65tpfj/went_to_the_er_last_night_not_sure_what_to_tag/
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I purged twice for the first time in the last two days and gave myself some bad petechiae. My eyes are bloodshot and I look like I got punched. My mom got super worried and had me go to the ER.

When I was in my room, the doctor pulled my mom out and I could still hear them. He told her that if my blood labs came back clean, he thought I had bulimia. I heard my mom say "no, she's not losing weight rapidly and i would hear vomiting".

Well mom... You didn't hear it because I turned the fan on high and ran the shower, even though I came out of the bathroom in the same clothes and dry hair lol. I hate lying to you though. The doctor was right.

Anyways.. hopefully no more b/p for me. I'm on a one day streak (yay!), and I'm just restricting from now on I hope. Thanks for listening.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Me trying to think positively
/u/mardalfoosen [5'1 | 113 | 22.30 | -23 | Agender (She or They)]
Created: Sun Apr 16 22:51:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65tmuy/rant_me_trying_to_think_positively/
---
I'm really upset with my (neglectful and abusive) parents rn so here's a rant. Don't read if you get triggered by stuff like this.
Good things about having bad parents:
No Easter (or any holiday) dinner. No one cares if I don't eat/what I eat. No birthday cakes. We don't eat together. We never visit relatives. Parents occasionally refuse to buy any food except frozen meat pies to spite me since I'm pescatarian.
Little do they know they're just helping me loose weight. :)

---

[Thinspo] [Thinspo] My first album
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sun Apr 16 21:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65tclp/thinspo_my_first_album/
---
Please be gentle, lol.

I would kill to look like any one of these women, omg.

I hope you guys like it♡♡

https://imgur.com/a/2vEsh

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[Help] Low cal alcohol - is that even a thing?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 21:10:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65t6z7/low_cal_alcohol_is_that_even_a_thing/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Armpit fat
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 20:57:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65t4xp/armpit_fat/
---
I swear that I store a weird amount of fat right in my arm pits. I HATE it. Does anybody else have this? Or some other weird part of their body that they hate?

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[Rant/Rave] Uncle pissed me off / hurt me / triggered me massively at least 3 times during Easter so now I'm binging
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 99.4| BMI:19.4 l GW 90| -45 l]
Created: Sun Apr 16 20:26:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65szse/uncle_pissed_me_off_hurt_me_triggered_me/
---
Fuck my life. Gee I wonder why I can't eat anything without hating myself. Happy Fucking Easter

Ruined my whole week of restriction. And to think last night I had a fucking breakdown about going over 600 calories.

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[Tip] 32 calorie peanut butter cups!!!!
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Sun Apr 16 19:52:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65stxe/32_calorie_peanut_butter_cups/
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With all the junk food and candy everywhere today, I saw this "heathier" recipe that looked intriguing. I thought I'd share it to give a decent alternative to all the crap out there. I haven't made it, but I pla non doing it this week.


http://www.recipe-diaries.com/2011/04/20/frozen-peanut-butter-cups/

With PB2 instead of the peanut butter, it would be even lower too!!

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Resorted to c/sing at work..... again
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Apr 16 19:41:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65srzx/resorted_to_csing_at_work_again/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Apr 16 19:33:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65sql5/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/0da6qqglo0sy.jpg

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[Discussion] How often do you purge a day?
/u/ekkkooo
Created: Sun Apr 16 18:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65sc5e/how_often_do_you_purge_a_day/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What's your weirdest unexpected side effect from weight loss?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sun Apr 16 18:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65sb1v/discussion_whats_your_weirdest_unexpected_side/
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Could be good or bad. My weird one is that shaving got harder in some areas (ankles, knees) and a lot easier in others (full bikini area). Random shower thought. Y'all?

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[Rant/Rave] Woke up with a terrible case of strep throat
/u/caffeineand_nicotine [5'5 | 140.8 | 23.7 | -37 | Female]
Created: Sun Apr 16 18:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65saoh/woke_up_with_a_terrible_case_of_strep_throat/
---
and honestly thank god what a great excuse to not feast with the fam. Easter dinner has been stressing me out for weeks thinking about it. It'll probably be too painful to eat until even all the left overs are gone, and now I don't have to come up with some weird excuse or awkwardly push my food around my plate. I've never been more excited to have strep lol perfect timing 👌

This post is kind of pointless, but no one irl would understand why I'd be excited to be ill and wanted to get it out somewhere.

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[Other] 2000 cals a day
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Apr 16 17:49:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65s8cx/2000_cals_a_day/
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I've been eating about 2000 cals a day for a week and a half now. It's embarrassing. I'm supposed to be eating 800 or less. Monday is going to be rough, but I'm going to slam it and pre pack all my meals and have everything set up to where I can't fail.

This sucks.

Mobile no flair

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[Rant/Rave] just need to get things off my chest
/u/pencilwonder [173cm | CW78kg | -14kg | 19NB]
Created: Sun Apr 16 16:41:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rwhy/just_need_to_get_things_off_my_chest/
---
Checked in with my ex cause we're still friends and I heard he has a new girl so I wanted to ask if shes making him happy. Im very over him, but he's a good person so I just wanted to know yknow?
he goes on a praise-rant about how tiny and gorgeous she is and how hes out of her league... he doesnt know i struggle with weight stuff and low self esteem issues, he doesnt know that but i cant help but feel like it was just "unlike you shes tiny and gorgeous and i love it"... i know we didnt break up over how i look. i know hes not shallow.

my current boyfriend... i decided to be more open this time so i could maybe deal with things better and ive told him a bit about how sometimes i just binge and he knows about how much i hate myself. hes the best guy and really understanding except sometimes makes silly remarks like when i said i had no snacks other than mints and he said "well at least you cant binge on mints" i just chuckled and thought "fkn watch this"
im so upset but its not anyone else's fault...

i just need to rant this out and maybe get some comfort i havent eaten properly in three days (200cal in total) and its only because i know I HAVE TO LOOK PERFECT FOR HIM and he doesnt even know how much dedication it takes. i love him so much he's the perfect person for me but im so imperfect. I NEED TO BE BETTER because this relationship is already tough enough being long distance as fuck (im UK he's USA) and i should be fucking glad he puts up with me at all so i need to seriously be perfect for him. even if that means i will fuck myself up beyond repair.

---

I've gained 10 pounds since l started track
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 16:33:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ruy3/ive_gained_10_pounds_since_l_started_track/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] DAE feels ugly when eating?
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 110lb |F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 16:24:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rtcl/dae_feels_ugly_when_eating/
---
Something I've thought about more often recently is how unattractive/ugly I feel when I eat or binge. My body dysmorphia makes me ridiculously obsessed with my looks, with my ideals of beauty and always wanting to be pereived attractive by everyone around me even if it's unrealistic.

Eating makes me feel, among other ED things, ugly.

---

[Rant/Rave] |Rave| I stood up for myself!
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |126.7| WL: 93.4 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Sun Apr 16 16:11:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rr1t/rave_i_stood_up_for_myself/
---
I'm visiting my grandparents w/ my folks and my grandma always always always harps on how much weight I've lost. 'Look at you, how many pounds have you lost now, I just can't believe it, don't go losing anymore weight', the same spiel every time I see her.

Today, as she was beginning to start her round of questioning I said bluntly, 'I don't want to talk about my weight right now' with a smile and she dropped the subject. I was surprised at how easy it ended up being, but I'm proud nonetheless.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] "You never looked an unhealthy weight"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 16:06:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rq0z/rant_you_never_looked_an_unhealthy_weight/
---
[deleted]

---

[Other] The things you see at work
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 15:57:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65roga/the_things_you_see_at_work/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Just wishful thinkjng
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 15:11:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rfyz/just_wishful_thinkjng/
---
I'm not actually asking for a meet up or whatever because I'm pretty sure that's against the rules, but does anyone else sometimes wish we could all just like.. hang out and drink Diet Coke? Lol. I know I should go to a group, but I feel like I've already bonded with y'all.

---

[Goal] Boyfriends goal is to make me eat 3 whole meals every day and add on from there
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 223.8 lbs | 39.27| -7 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 15:07:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rf6n/boyfriends_goal_is_to_make_me_eat_3_whole_meals/
---
Mobile cant flair but RANT.

I recently moved in with my amazing boyfriend due to some stuff going on at home (peep at my post history if you want) and he let it drop that his "goal" for me was to eat 3 meals a day and to add on from there. The thing is my boyfriend doesnt now about my ED. No one knows. I feel as though he is getting suspicious that something is up though.

As he'd leave for work he'd leave money for me to go out and eat but the money would remain intact where he'd left it as he came home.

He knows I dont like my body.

Last night he mentioned that me looking at brazilian butt lifts casually seemed obsessive.

And he knows I have poor eating habits overall. 1 meal a day, he knows I starve myself but thought it was my laziness to get up and make something.

He said something this morning that made me extremely irritated so I sleepily turned over and remained quiet. He mentioned how now that I'm living with him he doesnt have to "feed" me anymore and that now he can go shopping with me and get to know what I like to eat. He didnt say "feed me" in a way that made it seem like a burden but like he was making sure I actually ate. This move has been a bit difficult for me. I'm out on my own for the first time in my life and its a bit scary. I gasped because he told me the price of gym memberships out here and its crazy expensive. My dad was in the military so I'm used to going to the gym for free, and if not gym memberships in my town were only like $20-30 bucks. Now a regular gym membership is like $55!!

I'm scared. Now at a time in my life where I'm scared and feel as if I have the least control over things he wants to start shoving food down my throat. I can't. I was excited to move in but my ED is making it almost impossible to enjoy things when I'm worried about him trying to make me eat more.

---

[Rant/Rave] Date called me "not small" -- I have no self-esteem [Rant]
/u/kerfuffle-shuffle [5'7 | SW143 | CW135 | GW117 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 15:04:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65rep2/date_called_me_not_small_i_have_no_selfesteem_rant/
---
Oh boy. I mostly lurk around here, but I just have to share this story with you all because I know some of you will be able to relate and commiserate. Sorry in advance for the super long rant! And thanks everyone, BTW, for providing support, motivation, and advice in this sub for those dealing with an ED. This is a tremendous outlet for those of us who can't speak about these issues openly with others.

Anyways- I had been chatting with this guy from a dating app for a week or so and was excited to meet up when we set up a date. We met up at a dive bar he suggested and we seemed to be really hitting it off! He's super cute, totally my type, good conversationalist, similar interests, etc. After a drink, we went to his place (I know), and as we were just chatting in his living room he says "Well, you're not *small*." I don't even remember what lead up to him saying that, but holy shit! Him saying that hit me like a ton of bricks. I tried to play it off like "oh, haha, I'm a viking chick, solid built..." but WOW. I can't tell if it was a neg or a tactic to get into my pants, or if he's just a dick, but I cannot shake that dig.

And then I proceeded to sleep with him! During and after which he acts as though he's completely head over heels for me. And I'm meeting up with him again and can't get him out of my head! I hate myself and have zero self-respect. Why am I wasting any time on this guy? He's red flag city and he's the FIRST person I've met up with from the app since I broke up with my ex a year ago! There are so many other matches to work with, but I can't stop thinking about him.

And I'm not small? I don't know how he managed to pick out the precise thing to say to me to make me have a critical breakdown, but he did it! Could he tell that my biggest desire is to feel and be as small as possible? I almost wish I had held off on meeting up with any guys until I lose the remaining 15 pounds I gained binge eating my emotions, but I don't even think I carry my weight that poorly! I've got boobs, and yeah my ass, thighs, and legs are thicker than usual, but he doesn't know my usual. And if I tell him I gained 20 pounds in 2 months binge eating after a devastating event, that just makes me look even crazier and completely lacking self-control.

I know I shouldn't see him again, I should have a little more self-worth and there are plenty of guys out there who will treat me better, but he's seriously gotten into my head and I'm a little infatuated with him. Why am I doing this to myself? Ugh. The self-loathing is strong with this one.

---

[Rant/Rave] So fucking sick of recovery
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Sun Apr 16 14:34:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65r92i/so_fucking_sick_of_recovery/
---
I've gained so much (when they said I only needed to maintain) even when I'm restricting whenever I can. I'm almost done with php and I'll be discharged Friday but to an intensive outpatient program, someone please kill me

---

[Rant/Rave] Horrifying Easter Candy
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:120 | gw:110 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 13:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qz6d/horrifying_easter_candy/
---
Repost because no flair, on mobile, flair as rant.

http://imgur.com/a/IJ9LW

Okay so I've don't the math. My stupid Easter basket full of chocolate nonsense had a total of 3,546 calories in it. I'm both horrified and terrified, and I've eaten a few pieces but I'm don't with them.
I hate having this in my room. It's making me sick.
I have to wait until tomorrow to unload it on my coworkers because I know they'll just eat this shit up. Ughhh I think my Mom is trying to make me gain weight, but that's a story for another day.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel cold even though it's not supposed to be?
/u/throwaway240xah
Created: Sun Apr 16 13:32:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qx8h/dae_feel_cold_even_though_its_not_supposed_to_be/
---
Can't flair bc I'm on mobile but ever since I started restricting and fasting from November (Daily Calorie Intake right now is 200) I have been feeling cold all the time. I've got the heating on up to the second hottest and I'm still shivering! All I've been eating are cup of soups and green tea as well.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anything anyone wants off their chest?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 13:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qx4n/anything_anyone_wants_off_their_chest/
---
I'll go first:

I just measured myself and I don't actually think I'm 5 ft 8, but who knows, because I measured myself and I can't really do it properly, so I feel a bit crap about that.

My boyfriend and I keep arguing and it makes me feel shit constantly, and I keep thinking "when I weigh less, I'll be happier, our relationship will be better". (This does not happen).

I am struggling financially and it's my own fault.

I'm really, really bored today.

I have like no friends.

<3

EDIT: Managed to measure myself. I am 173cm. Phew.

---

Horrifying Easter Candy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 13:22:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qvey/horrifying_easter_candy/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I just need to complain
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Sun Apr 16 13:12:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qtlz/i_just_need_to_complain/
---
So fake compliments and other bullshit.

People seem to know I am *struggling* with my weight. I have been stuck in pretty severe binge/restrict cycles for a few years now. For a while it was normal-ish and I'd get compliments at low weights etc. Now? People can see my dramatic weight fluctuations ad I guess are trying to be supportive (?) and now I only get positive weight comments at HIGH weights. Which is confusing and a kick in the dysphoria and also causes me to word-vomit things like "omg are you serious no I am OBESE"

So new goal since losing 20 lbs is invisible to other people now. Lose so much weight it's sort of like chopping all your hair off and dying it blue. Even if people don't like it, they can't ignore it. I need to lose enough weight that it's like a fucking elephant in the room and it's weird NOT to comment on it. Because the fake-ass "you look so good" when I know for a damn fact I just crossed into the obese BMI territory and I look puffy is starting to feel really condescending.

---

[Help] Cute/cheap/small dresses in Europe?
/u/ambiguouslyreal [5'2.5"| 100.4 | 18.64 | -32lb | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 13:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qshf/cutecheapsmall_dresses_in_europe/
---
Does anyone know where to find preferably cheap clothing in Europe? I am based in Copenhagen for a little bit and I don't fit into "normal" people clothing anymore (flair is off, but I don't have a scale so I'm too scared to update it) so if you know any places that sell small clothes that aren't targeted towards children, I'd really appreciate it!

---

[Other] Wanting people to comment on your weightloss and at the same time, being glad they don't pay attention to it.
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |51 kg | 19 | 7 kg | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 12:10:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65qhjq/wanting_people_to_comment_on_your_weightloss_and/
---
I think I'm smaller. *I* think I'm smaller. When I relapse, I usually never see any difference, but now it's different - I know I have lost fat.

No-one said anything. No one. They looked at me weird when I told them how much I had run during the last two days, but that's it.

So: I'm kind of glad about this. I can lose 5 kgs more, probably, before anyone pays any attention. BUT. Goddamn, I worked so hard. And they know I have an ED. This *really* doesn't... doesn't do anything? A part of me is like fuck this, I'll lose 10 kgs before summer, maybe then you will say something. But I don't WANT to be this dependent on other people's attention. Argh. fuck this. Fuck this, really.

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 15 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 11:01:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65q49t/summer_goals_day_15_checkin/
---
Yay for hitting another round number!! It's super warm and humid where I live all of a sudden, it feels like we skipped spring and went straight to summer :o

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

---

[Discussion] How are you guys doing?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 10:16:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pw4y/how_are_you_guys_doing/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] What did you do when you realized shit wasn't going to get better?
/u/daeboo [5ft2/lmfao]
Created: Sun Apr 16 10:14:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pvqd/what_did_you_do_when_you_realized_shit_wasnt/
---
Its called a cycle for a reason- It just keeps going. Never mind the bullshit of "Tomorrow will be different! Today is the last time!"

Yep, every time is the last time, and tomorrow always comes, and you find yourself eating an entire box of oreos and *oh gods this is what I said I wouldn't do*

Yeah. I'm getting all my wisdom teeth out on Tuesday, thats going to be an excuse to fast for a few days afterwards. I would hope that a success there would kick me into restriction and eventually sustainable habits, but part of me also knows that its bullshit, everything is bullshit. Like that new beginning, I just turned 18 bullcrap.

I feel like an utter hypocrite when I encourage others or tell them that things can get better *there is hope there is hope* :)

---

[Help] Can't loose anymore.
/u/missminimalism [5' 3"|CW:117|21.3|GW:100|]
Created: Sun Apr 16 10:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pvp5/cant_loose_anymore/
---
When I got a divorce, I literally didn't eat almost anything for two months and lost 25 pounds. I've gained it all back since getting back together. I don't eat hardly anything. I probably eat 800 calories a day or less. I'm so afraid I permanently messed up my metabolism. I've never had issues loosing weight before. :(((((

---

[Help] Freaking out just a little bit. How/When do you tell an SO about your eating disorder?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Sun Apr 16 09:57:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65psmy/freaking_out_just_a_little_bit_howwhen_do_you/
---
I have a shit load of homework to do today, so I decided to eat a "big" breakfast to give myself an extra boost of energy. Huge mistake. Now all I can think of is purging this shit. One of the girls I'm seeing wants to go to an Easter buffet at a bar near her place later on today and I'm kind of panicking. She just sent me a text saying, "Let's stuff our fucking faces like it's Thanksgiving." We JUST started seeing each other so she has no idea about my eating disorder and that that was one of the worst things I could hear.

I kind of want to be honest and just tell her, "Hey, I don't really like eating more than one meal a day for the most part and when I eat beyond that I tend to throw it back up like some kind of big ass featherless vulture and am just generally a huge mess," but I can't imagine saying that without having to follow it up with, "It was nice knowing you!" Help.

---

[Discussion] Best supplements for you are...? :)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 09:43:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pq4x/best_supplements_for_you_are/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Tried the vyvanse, realized I need the prozac.
/u/redinosaurs [64'| CW 135| GW 120|BMI 24| Weight Lost 0 | Gender F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 09:23:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pmf7/tried_the_vyvanse_realized_i_need_the_prozac/
---
Just wanted to give an update on my life over the past couple weeks. I went to my doctor and expressed that I would like to try vyvanse for the BED and she prescribed me 30mg a day. It works for the most part, but the diarrhea side effect is too much for me (among general anxiety and other fun side effects). The most important thing is that being on the drug made me realized that my habits are not normal and I just need accept that medication can help me. I had a couple b/p episodes during the few weeks I was taking vyvanse-when I tried to skip a day because of the side effects.
 
So tomorrow morning I will be getting my prozac prescription and seeing how that goes. I've taken it in the past and it has worked pretty quickly. I'm not quite sure if I am ready to pursue therapy, but I feel like I'm at least taking the steps to make sure I don't have a full blown bulimic relapse.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so stressed over my kelp noodles not going soft, that I'm not even gonna eat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 09:20:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65plvt/im_so_stressed_over_my_kelp_noodles_not_going/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] So I got a fit bit. Anyone else on here have one?
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 08:26:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pcie/so_i_got_a_fit_bit_anyone_else_on_here_have_one/
---
[discussion]
Cant flair, on mobile

So i bought a fit bit. IT'S AMAZEBALLS!
I love being able to see my progress everyday and it doesnt care if i set my daily intake to be a 1,000 cal deficit from my TDEE. It buzzes at me if i havent gotten my fat ass up in the hour.
I love it.

Anyone on here have one?

If anyone wants to be fit bit buddies pm me :)

---

I'm worried being fat has ruined my bones
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 08:22:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65pbzl/im_worried_being_fat_has_ruined_my_bones/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] how's your Easter going?
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 137.8 | 22.6 | -92.2lbs! | 17f]
Created: Sun Apr 16 08:06:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65p9ay/hows_your_easter_going/
---
it's only 10am and I've already had 700 calories of jellybeans, cinnamon rolls, and coffee. my stomach hurts so bad and it's 60% shame, 40% the massive amount of sugar I just stuffed into my face lol

on the bright side I have absolutely no desire to eat anything else, plus this kinda proved to my parents that I'm a Normal, Functioning Teen Girl^^TM

hold me /r/proed :'(

Anywayss, how are you guys? I know holidays can be really hard for everyone here, hope you're all doing okay. <3

---

[Other] To the people who only lurk on here and downvote
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 07:26:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65p36o/to_the_people_who_only_lurk_on_here_and_downvote/
---
You know who you are. Get lost. For many of us this is the one place we can be ourselves and have an outlet, a support system. Downvoting our posts isn't going to cure us.

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[Sticky] Sunday Discussion: Recipes and food finds
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 16 06:09:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ot2k/sunday_discussion_recipes_and_food_finds/
---
Inspired by [last week's Sunday post](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64crt2/%EF%BE%89%E3%83%AE%EF%BE%89%EF%BE%9F_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 16 06:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ot1j/daily_food_diary_april_16_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Gave away all my Easter eggs
/u/applesforhungry
Created: Sun Apr 16 05:58:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65orq6/gave_away_all_my_easter_eggs/
---
(On mobile flair as discussion) So this morning when we did our Easter egg hunt and relatives came round to give us our eggs I got about 10 eggs and loads of little ones from the hunt. I gave every one of those fuckers away to my siblings, feels soooo good to be in control because chocolate is my no.1 enemy. I've been fasting for 20 hours now but gonna have to eat in 4 hours at Easter lunch.
Hope I don't go crazy and binge on the great food haha

---

Restricting vs.Fasting
/u/glossierz
Created: Sun Apr 16 05:43:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65oq2l/restricting_vsfasting/
---
What are some differences you noticed while heavily restricting vs. Fasting?
It can be physical or mental differences
Hope this isn't a stupid question lol

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[Goal] I did something nice for myself
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 16 03:08:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65oab1/i_did_something_nice_for_myself/
---
I ate too much yesterday. Probably went over my planned calories by 600. BUT.. I didn't purge, I didn't spend 40 minutes crying, I didn't tell myself what a worthless slob I am. I got up early this morning and I'm going to buy fruits and veggies for food today.
I'm going to drink water and remind myself that if I was strong enough to restrict before, then I can do it again. I'm in control (at least for the moment.) And it's a good feeling.

---

got sick and fucked it all up
/u/bvvvg
Created: Sun Apr 16 03:08:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65oa9j/got_sick_and_fucked_it_all_up/
---
rampant bulimia gave me a medical problem. i don't want to say which because it'd make it too easy to identify me if one of my friends ever stumbled over this. but basically if i purge or eat the way i was eating before it'll come back again ten times worse. ive gained five fucking kilos 'recovering'. i see it every time i look in the mirror. im going back home in less than a week and i could cry thinking about how everyone will be thinking - "she looks fatter than last time". a part of me wants to say fuck it and throw it all up restrict it all never eat again. instead im just drinking. gotta numb the pain of being a fat fucking piece of shit somehow, right?

---

I need some guidance
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 02:30:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65o6rb/i_need_some_guidance/
---
[removed]

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Plans for 4/20?
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Sun Apr 16 02:23:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65o62i/plans_for_420/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65o54k/plans_for_420/?ref=search_posts&utm_source=ifttt

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[Discussion] Plans for 4/20?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 16 02:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65o54k/plans_for_420/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "what would gin-and-lemon do"
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Sun Apr 16 01:31:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65o0zy/what_would_ginandlemon_do/
---
OH MY FUCKING GOD

SO MY COWORKER TODAY TOLD ME A STORY

he went out and got drunk off of wine, then ordered uber eats, and then had to force himself to throw up because he felt sick and couldn't puke with ease

and he said the whole time everything was going down he was thinkning " what would [myname] do" and like, after he puked all he was thinking about was "what did she say to do after u puke"

and im over here being like WHAT NO LMAO DONT MODEL BEHAVIOR AFTER MY DESCRIPTIONS OF A DRUNKEN B/P OMG

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[Rant/Rave] SO WELL THEN
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Sun Apr 16 00:25:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65nua8/so_well_then/
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i have decided to try and cut back on booze, and to restrict better (700-800cal tops), while actually aggressively putting myself into my half-marathin (that was an accidental spelling mistake but thats what i am now calling it lmao). should i actually not suck, by the time i head to spain i should hopefully have lost 10 lbs. im not excited to go, and hang with my much thinner sisters on a beach. like. im gonna look like the bloated corpse of a beached whale next to them, all tan and slim. and they wonder why i hate beach vaycays

i recently told my mom and sister about my purging (that i still do it, rather than it being something that was toottallyyyy in the past), and im hoping i'll stop that. b/p has done NOTHING to help me lose and im tired of puking. my skin and teeth deserve better.

whats ur recent struggles/goals? how u dooiiinnngg bbs? <3

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] DONT TELL ME HOW TO FUCKING EAT IF YOUR DIET ISNT IN ORDER
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 23:33:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65no6c/rant_dont_tell_me_how_to_fucking_eat_if_your_diet/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Using frugalness an an excuse to eat less
/u/imnevergold [5'6.5 | 117.6 | 18.68 | -15 | F |]
Created: Sat Apr 15 23:02:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65nkbo/using_frugalness_an_an_excuse_to_eat_less/
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I'm going to uni next year and I'm planning on having a really small budget for groceries, like $45 CAD for groceries a week. This way I can save money and lose weight at the same time and people will just pass it off as a poor university student trying to be frugal. It'll also motivate me to eat out less and stuff like that.

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What I learned today while purging was...
/u/justanotherbrunette [5'7" | CW 135 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 22:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65nj1d/what_i_learned_today_while_purging_was/
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... I have GOT to start chewing my food better. Jesus.

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[Discussion] DAE go by their GW TDEE?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Sat Apr 15 22:50:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65niol/dae_go_by_their_gw_tdee/
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For some reason, I decided pretty early on that I was going to consider my maintenance cals max what they'd be at my ~ugw~, only I had forgotten I'd done that and when I went to check today because I've had a really weird week, realised I was still in more of a weekly overall deficit than I thought LMAO

For like half a sec I considered using my current actual TDEE to measure my deficits from now on but the thought seems scary/getting those "you're looking for justifications to be a failure" thoughts so...I'm kinda just wondering if I'm being mean to myself right now and if anyone can relate?

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[Other] Breakthrough on how to reach my goal weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 21:44:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65n9dq/breakthrough_on_how_to_reach_my_goal_weight/
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[deleted]

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[Other] Saturday food shopping! Can you tell I have an obsession with protein??
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 91.4 | 18.0 | -13 | 19F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 21:32:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65n7n7/saturday_food_shopping_can_you_tell_i_have_an/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/QF3II

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I've been counting calories since the new year
/u/Discountmein
Created: Sat Apr 15 20:57:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65n2cf/ive_been_counting_calories_since_the_new_year/
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... and I've lost thirty pounds! Oh my god!!

CICO works and I am so proud of myself for sticking to a New Years resolution. I've never done that before in my life. I've not been totally healthy (obviously, or I wouldn't be posting this here...) but I'm so proud of myself.

(On mobile, please flair as rant/ rave!!)

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[Other] Had to put my dog to sleep yesterday.
/u/thinnmints
Created: Sat Apr 15 20:39:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mznl/had_to_put_my_dog_to_sleep_yesterday/
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My baby. He was 14 and he's who kept me going for all these years. He was a Chihuahua named Wawa. He would curl in a ball and be my cuddle bug, he would bark and be my protector. He was so sweet.
Then he got sick. The vet said kidney disease and ulcers on his eyes. He didn't even acknowledge when I held him. The doctor said he was 4 pounds and lost half of his body weight. The last time he saw him he was 8 pounds.

After I went home I thought "if only I could lose half my body weight" what the actual fuck is wrong with me?

Sorry for my rant/whatever this is. I guess I just trust you guys. I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

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Finally leaving php!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 19:57:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mtcb/finally_leaving_php/
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[deleted]

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I thought this was funny
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 19:39:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mqky/i_thought_this_was_funny/
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https://i.redd.it/hjbguc1sktry.jpg

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All I had today was a cup of broccoli cheddar soup.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 19:15:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mmpw/all_i_had_today_was_a_cup_of_broccoli_cheddar_soup/
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Because screw "high restricting." If my body isn't going to lose the pound a week it's supposed to at 700-1000 calories a day then it can learn to survive on just 170 calories and burn my fat if it's deprived. Screw my health. I'm done. I don't want to be a big blob of fat anymore. I don't want thick jiggly thighs and arms. Screw not ever having a flat stomach. I'm done. I need to be skinny.

Restricting this low feels so good. I feel so powerful. I missed it.

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Had some mild food poisoning
/u/ziti-tagliati
Created: Sat Apr 15 19:13:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mmbf/had_some_mild_food_poisoning/
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And I'm happy about it. Probably didn't take in much in the way of calories from what I ate yesterday, and I've only had 140 today in kombucha and emergen-c (for electrolytes and good bacteria). I feel like complete shit but probably gonna lose some weight.

TL;DR: when you get food poisoning and you're happy about it #justEDthings

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Apr 15 19:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mksg/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/c4q5l25betry.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE compare themselves to everyone here?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Sat Apr 15 18:41:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mh6z/dae_compare_themselves_to_everyone_here/
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I usually eat 400 calories or under a day, and then I see all the beautiful thin people on here who still lose while eating ~700-800 calories and I try to make myself realize that I'm not going to lose it if I eat a little more, and that it's still "reasonable" (by our standards?).

But no.

Total meltdown at 405 calories.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm stronger than a snickers bar. [Rave]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sat Apr 15 18:22:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65me1y/im_stronger_than_a_snickers_bar_rave/
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So today is my first restriction day in awhile. 650 total!! Doing good :)

Anyways I went into the kitchen... it's almost Easter and there's snickers bars on the counter for all of us. I almost grab one and then I'm like "ok I know if I eat this.. I'm probably going to purge. Purging up chocolate sucks. What can I really gain from eating this? I already feel fat today. I'm stronger than this candy."

Put it down. Ate some air popped popcorn instead. I'm 50 calories over my goal now but yknow what? It's better than 250.

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[Rant/Rave] A single bite put me off eating for like a week. [rant]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Sat Apr 15 18:11:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65mc7t/a_single_bite_put_me_off_eating_for_like_a_week/
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So my parents asked me to come out to eat tonight since we don't really do Easter stuff and they haven't seen me all week (hello darkness my old friend, I've come to sulk in you again.)
They choose a place that is the antikiwi. BBQ place with world's saddest salad bar and freaking taxidermy all over the walls. Ew.
I'm already uncomfortable. They have a ghost pepper grilled cheese on the menu that I wanted to try because I love spicy stuff and cheese, and I didn't eat today so I figured it'd be ok.

Boy. Was I wrong.

First bite is ok. Second bite is when I notice it. They chopped up a bunch of tomatoes with the ghost pepper and mixed it all up in the cheese.
I HATE TOMATOES. With a passion. I enjoy tomato-based products like salsa or pizza sauce, but I would rather be set on fire than eat a chunk of whole tomato.

I open the sandwich and it is COVERED. The little demons are everywhere. I spat out the bite and felt nauseous. I don't want to eat out ever again. It should be noted that absolutely nowhere on the description in the menu were tomatoes mentioned.

Die tomatoes, die. 🖕

Tl;dr - Tomatoes are poison and I am fasting for the foreseeable future.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking out a little bit, and have nowhere else to vent.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 17:47:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65m826/im_freaking_out_a_little_bit_and_have_nowhere/
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[deleted]

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Must. Stay. Strong.
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Sat Apr 15 16:55:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65lz6p/must_stay_strong/
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Today's been a hard day for me. I stayed up late last night because I couldn't fall asleep and I was dragging all morning. I kept watching a lot of ED documentaries/videos on YouTube and they were so depressing. I don't normally eat a lot anyway, but I look at myself and see a girl that's not fat, but not really skinny either. I try to tell myself that I have so much fat to lose. Yet, I feel so weak.. my teeth are achy, my skin is so dry, my lungs and heart feel so small and weak, and I'm just all around feeling a lot of pain. But why!? I don't even LOOK anorexic so I clearly don't have an eating disorder. I've got to stay strong. Mind over matter, right? Fuck, I've never felt so hungry. I drank tea, snorted adderall.. I am so weak. I ate watermelon and pineapple pieces and a small apple. That's gotta be like ... what, 200 cals at the most to be safe? I'm a lazy freaking person, too. I drive by all these people out walking, biking, etc. And I think, "Okay, no more excuses!! I'm gonna finally go out and go for a run." I'll probably go for a little walk at least. I feel like this drive to be skinny is tearing me emotionally apart. But then I was in the bathroom and looked at my stomach from the side and saw it was thinner from the day before. I couldn't believe it.. restricting was finally paying off.

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what's up i'm in the drive thru (again)
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Sat Apr 15 16:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65luph/whats_up_im_in_the_drive_thru_again/
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wendys this time 🤙🏿 i'm getting three combos and i wrote it down on paper hahaha the crazy don't stop.

the guy in front of me is getting like ten combos though (his total was 49.40 holy shit) so i don't actually feel that weird lmao

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[Help] Need advice for combatting nausea, pretty please!
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 9st 12lbs| BMI: 21 | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 16:14:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ls0a/need_advice_for_combatting_nausea_pretty_please/
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[removed]

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[Help] Advice needed
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 15:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65lgj0/advice_needed/
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So im not currently able to eat more than 1000 cals (panic attacks got me fucked up), I keep seeing that less than 1000 cals will make it harder to lose weight? Is this actually true?

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[Intro] Another Introduction
/u/PM_ME_YOUR_PRBLEMS [5'5 | 160 | 26.94 | -3 | F16]
Created: Sat Apr 15 14:20:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65l768/another_introduction/
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Hello, hello, I'm new here--new as in, new to this subreddit, not my eating disorder. No, that's been going on for a long time now. But anyway, nice to meet everyone, it's nice to see other people who I can talk to about this kind of thing and can relate to.

A little bit of info about me(though I doubt anyone is interested, here it is anyway):

I live in a very small town(>1,000 people), but don't exactly fit in, as I'm atheist, supportive of gay people, and overall just exactly the opposite of almost everyone who lives here. I've had a lot of shit happen because of that, which is also probably a big part of *why* I have an eating disorder. Although my family, probably like many of you here, is the bigger catalyst for me being the way I am.

But I'm not here to tell a sob story, just wanted to introduce myself. I started out with anorexia at about 11, where I went from 136 lbs to 120(I was tall for my age so that was about average) in a really short period of time, but as soon as school started up the next year it evolved into bulimia, which is what I've had for around 5 years now, I guess. I'm almost 17 now, so it's been awhile. But yeah, I want to stop binging and start restricting more, because I've gotten fat as hell the past couple years. I'm at 163 now, and my first goal is 140, then 130, and then(and hopefully last) 120. Wish me luck!

Hope I don't come across too weird and I wish you all the best! Have a great Easter!

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[Tip] Easter Solution
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 13:58:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65l2zi/easter_solution/
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I still live with my mother, and I know LOTS of other people here still live with family or will be seeing family over this weekend.

My mom, no matter how old I get, gets me a giant easter basket overflowing with candy and stocking-stuffer type gifts. I've been having a lot of anxiety over the sheer amount of sugar I was going to be given, so instead I told my mom that I would much rather get a gift card or two, and to please use the money on that. I think I'm going to treat myself to a new eyeshadow palette.

So if you have any relatives that you KNOW are going to try and shove a chocolate bunny down their throat, find something related to your life/interests and request that instead. "Oh, I have to commute to work. I can buy myself my own chocolate, I'd just really love a gas card." etc.

As for eating on Easter...yeah, I don't know either. Good luck.

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First ever fast day
/u/pixihaze
Created: Sat Apr 15 13:48:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65l17v/first_ever_fast_day/
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On mobile so can't flair. Today is my first ever complete fast day. Im so happy. Ive been low cal (less than 750) for the last few weeks but today I thought I'd completely fast and it feels amazing.

Hopefully i can do this more regularly to stop being the absolute blob that I am at the moment.

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[Other] My fiancé just sent me this music video and I'm obsessed with all the food imagery: walking on bananas instead of eggshells, looking at the world through Reese's Cups lenses, a hamburger where your SO's dick should be...IDEK but this is basically my brain set to music.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sat Apr 15 13:44:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65l0gq/my_fiancé_just_sent_me_this_music_video_and_im/
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https://youtu.be/87PZgweY-gY?list=PLuzlshbuNvtZ-p_BcZTWcjiUHKo_vw8rM

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[Tip] What I've learned in 18 months of maintenance
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat Apr 15 13:43:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65l0bp/what_ive_learned_in_18_months_of_maintenance/
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* Maintenance does not equal recovery, though your thoughts might get a little better. Sometimes I still have to be deceitful.
* Have a five-pound range to stay in, not a specific number.
* Your body will mess with you. You'll swear you look bigger but the scale will say the same or even that you've lost. You'll feel great but the scale will say you've gained.
* *Know your TDEE and don't be afraid of it.*
* Thanksgiving and Christmas are only two days out of the year.
* No specific food will cause weight gain, only a caloric surplus.
* Don't weigh yourself every day.
* Don't always eat what's offered. If I ate everything that'd been offered to me in the past 18 months, I would not be sitting here making a maintenance post.
* If you maintain for long enough, people will mostly stop being concerned.

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60 Second Docs
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Apr 15 13:40:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65kznm/60_second_docs/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 14 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 13:23:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65kwn1/summer_goals_day_14_checkin/
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SORry this thread is so late today I am terrible sorry sorry :( :( Yesterday was very hectic and I didn't even get a chance to respond to any of the comments on the day 13 thread, so I'll be working hard to make sure I do that today.

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤️

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[Discussion] Anyone else addicted to starbucks? What are some low-cal options
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-86 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 12:46:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65kpf8/anyone_else_addicted_to_starbucks_what_are_some/
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I looovvveee starbucks. I have a sweet tooth so those surgery high calorie drinks hit the spot for me. But since i've been restricting i cant get my venti-green tea latte with extra whip because that's something like 500cals.

Lately i've been getting a Venti-White tea which is only 60 calories, 70 for a trenta. They put 0 cal cane sugar in it so u can sweetin it up as much as you want. I'm alittle bored with it though. I've gotten it everyday for weeks.

What do you guys order from SB?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] switching to maintenance
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 11:53:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65kesz/rant_switching_to_maintenance/
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So I'm going to be switching to maintenance for the rest of April at least. I'm still about 8 pounds out from my ultimate goal weight and my thighs make me want to rip my hair out. But I'm starting to scare myself a little and I need to learn to maintain so wish me luck! I might still hang out here if that's okay :/

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I've got a rough stop date in mind, but am unsure how to stop.
/u/fatty937
Created: Sat Apr 15 11:37:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65kbnj/ive_got_a_rough_stop_date_in_mind_but_am_unsure/
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[My first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64cxqt/i_dont_know_if_i_should_stop/), TLDR 3 months of 1000 calories a day plus cardio, down ~35lbs, chewing and spitting regularly. I also feel like I've lost the will to eat, and force myself to eat sometimes just to make sure I eat at least 800 a day, the most i've had is 1100.

[i'm classed as healthy](http://imgur.com/a/TRTxV) (not old enough for BMI, but its around 23.5), but Is weight a major off putting factor to girls? So, I want to keep doing what I'm doing to look better. My exam timetables mean that I have to go back to school in early June (after exams), and I don't know what I will look like.

I don't think many guys have eating disorders (as this sub seems to be mainly girls) I just want to be normal like everyone else (as in be decent at sports and look slim enough to swim without people staring).

Once school restarts in early June (we get exam leave soon), people will see how much i've changed. I think I'll slowly increase my calorie intake back. In early June, My BMI (if I increase my age) will be around 21/22 hopefully but am worried this might be too fat.

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[Discussion] Where do you think will your ED lead you in the future?
/u/smileyslimey [5'4.5|105|18|GW:95|F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 11:27:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65k9tx/where_do_you_think_will_your_ed_lead_you_in_the/
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One year, five years, twenty years....

Somewhere I read that all anorexics will either recover, switch to another disorder (BED or bulimia) or die because of their illness. :(
It really made me think... I don't really think about the future - I have this ideal in my head where I see myself being successful, beautiful, extremely skinny and happy but we all know this is bullshit, I will never be satisfied with my body. My "natural" weight I have when I used to eat what I want was around 110 but that seems too high a goal for me to maintain after recovering. Like, I want to recover in my mind but keep an unhealthily thin body I attained with unhealthy means. I don't think it is possible and I'm pretty sure that my natural instincts will find their way to fight me someday if I choose to maintain while severely underweight. And I'm so scared of binging that recovery seems like a much better option.

Sorry for rambling 😂 I would be interested to hear y'all's views on this.

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[Help] accidentally took too much bronkaid?
/u/starskyandspring [5'6 🍀 xtra large 🔅 gw: 113 🥑 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 11:00:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65k4ez/accidentally_took_too_much_bronkaid/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Purge free for eight weeks
/u/skinnypod [5'6" | 121 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 09:46:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65jpx5/rant_purge_free_for_eight_weeks/
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And I've gained six and a half pounds. What's the fucking point. I feel permanently bloated and disgusting. I can see it on my face and thighs and belly. Eurgh.

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[Goal] Day one
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 09:22:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65jljp/day_one/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] logged in my snack and lunch ahead of time :) well on my way to a binge free day!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 07:34:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65j3bh/rantrave_logged_in_my_snack_and_lunch_ahead_of/
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https://i.redd.it/y1y5d4iczpry.jpg

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MY LIFE IN A SCREENSHOT
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 07:17:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65j0v9/my_life_in_a_screenshot/
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https://i.redd.it/8sghbb09wpry.jpg

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[Discussion] What would you do if you won a year of food?
/u/slyslimfox
Created: Sat Apr 15 06:12:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65is8v/what_would_you_do_if_you_won_a_year_of_food/
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Last night in RuPaul's Drag Race (top model for drag queens if you're unfamiliar), one queen opened up and admitted to having a history of eating disorder. Later on, she won a challenge and the prize was an entire year of free hamburgers. It's almost cruelly funny, and I literally can't even imagine that happening me. I would gain so much weight jfc. What would you do if you won this?

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 15 06:07:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65irm1/stupid_questions_saturday_april_15_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 15, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 15 06:07:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65irlo/daily_food_diary_april_15_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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Finally told my friend about my ED
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 06:03:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ir22/finally_told_my_friend_about_my_ed/
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I've never told anyone in my life about it. People are pretty clueless, I think, when it comes to my eating habits.
But I finally told someone!! I told my friend about it, and it felt kind of good to get it off my chest?
But then he responded "I know."
I know.
I know??
What the heck???

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[Rant/Rave] My gf wants me to gain weight because it's what she likes
/u/hawaiianhaole01 [5'6 | 127.2 | 20.5 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 15 05:50:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ipgz/my_gf_wants_me_to_gain_weight_because_its_what/
---
On mobile, rant/rave.

I recently told her the extent of my ED and we were talking about dysmorphia and how 'under weight' I am to her. She said that she knows I'm trying but I need to try harder because she doesn't want a skinny gf/wife. She wants a 'thick' one. Which that word alone is terrifying. She's a recovering addict herself so gets the uncontrollable part of it but not in the ED aspect of things.

I have been between 120 and 130 all of our relationship. I'm not in the underweight bmi, I don't restrict under 1000 kcals and I stopped using different ways of purging like laxatives or exercise. All things I was doing before her. She said now that I'm too small and I need to get up to 150 at least. I told her I refuse to weigh over 130 ever but I can work on not going below 120. Not good enough and now I'm considering just leaving her to do what I want with my body and my weight. Which is so messed up because in reality I want to marry her and be with her for the rest of my life.

Why is being thin so much more important than a healthy relationship with the person I love. This sucks.

---

i've been eating like i fucking deserve to lately
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sat Apr 15 05:28:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65imtf/ive_been_eating_like_i_fucking_deserve_to_lately/
---
and it sucks and i hate it. I feel like a puff ball. I'm scared i can't do it. I can eat normally at least once a week, but everyday is far too much to handle. Even if it's all healthy, nutritious food. It's far too much. I really thought I had won, but this feeling today is unbearable. Back to the same ol today. 20g carbs, and the food portal closes at 3pm. At least i'm sober. Things could always be worse.

---

[Thinspo] [THINSPO]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 05:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65iks1/thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/vcrlcxle9pry.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] It's my birthday...
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat Apr 15 04:55:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ij76/its_my_birthday/
---
[rant/rave] ...And I'm going to try eat maintenance! Wish me luck! Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

On mobile :)

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[Help] Help stop Binging!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 01:18:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hx2t/help_stop_binging/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] After a week of losing water, turns out I'm only 2lbs from my first goal weight.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Sat Apr 15 00:44:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ht6v/after_a_week_of_losing_water_turns_out_im_only/
---
113 -> 106.75 (but lets round up, lol). My first goal being 105. Some of that will be fat loss due to restricting, but not much (unless my TDEE is higher than I think).

I only bought a scale the end of last week, and only started consistently weighing at the beginning of this week. I knew I had some water weight, as I had a cheat meal Sunday night.. but only ONE cheat meal, so I thought it was perhaps 1lb water, 2 at most. But no, apparently I can retain 5+lbs of water from one cheat meal... one low sodium cheat meal, too, come to think of it.

I knew I got monstrous bloating and so perhaps more water/food weight than usual, but not that much. That's why I thought perhaps 2lbs from one cheat meal.. tbh now I dunno what I was thinking. I am now questioning everything.

But. Let this be a lesson. You can retain a *truckload* of water weight, from just one meal.

I'll probably end up at 108-109 real weight after Easter weekend though. Fuckkkk lol.

---

[Help] Has anyone with BED/bulimic tendencies "broken the cycle" and actually kept weight off?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 00:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hq1j/has_anyone_with_bedbulimic_tendencies_broken_the/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] WHY did I just eat cheesecake at 7am?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Sat Apr 15 00:15:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hpso/why_did_i_just_eat_cheesecake_at_7am/
---
410 calories. 7 am. I mean, to be fair, I haven't slept yet so now I'm thinking I'll just...take a cheeky caffeine pill, stay up as long as possible, then sleep the rest of the day away and hope this doesn't turn into a binge day. I'm just like ??? cause all I was doing was laying there obsessively thinking about this damn cheesecake in the fridge and got soooo agitated I just like...went on autopilot and shoved my portion of it into my face...why the hell? I haven't even been heavy restricting so, why the binge-like feelings? fuck, dude...fuck...need to ban sugar from my life again...how 2 nicely say "thanks, but fuck off with the sending me chocolate and cakes?" to my mother in law? LOL STOP SENDING ME GROCERY DELIVERIES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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[Help] Stock cubes and salt
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 15 00:07:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hous/stock_cubes_and_salt/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] just broke up with my bf
/u/thindreaming [5'9 | 157 | -15 | 24F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 23:07:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hh7q/just_broke_up_with_my_bf/
---
i've been thinking about it for a couple days now, just haven't felt like i'm 100% in the relationship anymore. it's given me a pit in my stomach. on the one hand, this sucks cause I feel like we're breaking up for no real reason, but on the other hand, I haven't eaten in 2 days so..

---

[Rant/Rave] Blows my mind that people can have snacky food laying around the house and not binge on it
/u/Clarl020 [5ft2 | CW: 106lbs | GW: 93(?)lbs | BMI: 19.4 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 23:04:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hgt0/blows_my_mind_that_people_can_have_snacky_food/
---
I'm back at my parents house for the weekend because it's Easter and literally all that I have done is eat/binge. My mum has a cupboard filled with chocolate, crisps, cookies, every snack food in the entire world. I've been living on less than 800 cals a day all week and have reached a new low weight (106lbs!) yet I know that all my progress has just been destroyed cuz all that I have done in the past 12 hours is put shitty food into my fat fucking mouth. I hate myself. I don't understand how people can have food like this in their house and not binge on it?

Even when I'm back at my place I just can't get it. I don't buy anything snacky because I'll just eat it. My fridge and cupboards have stuff for meals (literally just veg lmao) but no snacks so that I don't eat anything more than I need to. I can't even have, say, grapes because they'll just go. But then I look at my roommates cupboards and wonder how the hell they can just have food??? And not eat it??? It was one of my roommates birthdays a few weeks back, he only recently binned left over cake. Left over cake??? You mean some people don't just eat the entire thing in one go and then hate themselves for a week afterwards?? It was my boyfriends birthday back in March and (along with other things) I got him a box of ferrero rocher (his favourite!), he still has some left over now. Does not compute.

My other roommates have cereal, crisps, chocolates etc and I just cannot grasp the idea of having food in the house and being able to leave it and not have it on your mind. If I know there is something in my cupboards it's the only thing on my mind, until I eat it and hate myself. Shit, it's half 5 in the morning right now and instead of sleeping I've just binged on cookies and now I'm here writing this post. Literally blows my mind that people can have self control with food, yet all I do is binge binge binge :(

---

"Will eating this make you happy?"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 22:59:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hg4h/will_eating_this_make_you_happy/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My depression is ruining everything
/u/losingluna
Created: Fri Apr 14 22:55:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hfkf/my_depression_is_ruining_everything/
---
(On mobile, rant)

I have super bad depression, like I cam't even motivate myself to shower, it's disgusting. I don't know why I ever though I could lose weight because I always go back to my old (comfortable) habits. This is so ridiculous! I'm fat, it's obvious, but I still can't take myself seriously. I'm always motivated to exercise and count my cals in the mornings, but once I actually get out of bed it all goes to shit. I just go back to sitting on my ass and binging on tofu desserts for 8 hours a day. I just can't believe myself!

I want to be thin, I want to be pretty, and I want to rub it in the face of everyone who has ever wronged me. I think about it all the time, but I never do anything about it. It's not like I'm too busy, I'm home all the time. I hate myself and I hate my depression, and I hate my adhd, and I wish I could just focus on one goal for just 10 minutes! This. Is. So. Ridiculous.

---

[Other] Happy Easter weekend, from (I'm guessing) the disordered eaters of LoseIt
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 22:38:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65hd87/happy_easter_weekend_from_im_guessing_the/
---
http://i.imgur.com/e2mZZ5s.png

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[Rant/Rave] Got a new apartment
/u/greatglowingcoilsoft [5'7/F/-25lb]
Created: Fri Apr 14 21:54:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65h720/got_a_new_apartment/
---
The bf and I officially signed a lease for an apartment in Chicago. I am so excited to get out of this podunk town. He wanted to eat a deep dish pizza to celebrate. I have never been more thankful for c/s In my life. Got to save those calories for alcohol, ya know?

---

[Thinspo] Jamie King
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Fri Apr 14 20:57:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65gyae/jamie_king/
---
http://imgur.com/a/qQUWR

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Is my therapist overly concerned? [plz flair]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 19:20:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65giro/is_my_therapist_overly_concerned_plz_flair/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Dental pain when restricting? [Discussion]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 19:12:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ghga/dental_pain_when_restricting_discussion/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] breaking a fast
/u/pencilwonder [173cm | CW78kg | -14kg | 19NB]
Created: Fri Apr 14 19:03:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65gfs3/breaking_a_fast/
---
i cant flair this because phone ://

ive decided to just do this and fast for two days or three or yknow whatever i can do, but im now freaking out because im scared of binging so i need to plan and prepare... what do you guys usually break longer fasts with?

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B/P Cycle
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 18:36:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65gbgr/bp_cycle/
---
[deleted]

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£50 on binge food or £50 on diet stuff 🤔
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 18:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65gb57/50_on_binge_food_or_50_on_diet_stuff/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Apr 14 17:44:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65g2cr/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/zv6tjtq8vlry.jpg

---

[Tip] Need to eat candy on Easter to look normal? Look for Edible Grass.
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Fri Apr 14 16:05:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fjxi/need_to_eat_candy_on_easter_to_look_normal_look/
---
100 calories & 0 sugar for the whole bag and tastes pretty OK, there's quite a bit of it too.

---

[Rant/Rave] Stress is a heck of a diet.
/u/business_time_
Created: Fri Apr 14 16:00:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fixv/stress_is_a_heck_of_a_diet/
---
I'm in my last semester of grad school. I've been extremely busy and super stressed out since January. I didn't notice I'd stopped eating as much until I tried eating a big meal to celebrate with my husband and I just.. couldn't. It was physically difficult to continue opening my mouth and inserting food. Strange, but okay.

Then I stepped on the scale and realized I lost 13 pounds.

The same 13 pounds I worked my ass off to attempt to lose for over a year. Right. Awesome.

So, despite knowing it isn't good, my brain is satisfied knowing that simply not eating works and I should just keep doing that. It doesn't help that my husband has complimented on how good I look and the last time we were intimate was fantastic. I told him I've barely been eating, but I think he thinks it's a joke.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Just wanted to get it out. Not sure if I'm going to do anything about it at all. :/

---

[Goal] Mfkn GOAL - first non-binge day in Weeks!!!!!!!!!!
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Fri Apr 14 15:58:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fihk/mfkn_goal_first_nonbinge_day_in_weeks/
---
First, lmao #relatable binge intake down below

https://imgur.com/gallery/2mn80

Second, I'm on mobile and like 56-57 kg rn so l m a o @my flair

Third... holy hell. I don't even know what to say. I'm so relieved. Hopefully it'll continue on tomorrow. I'm OUT this stupid (fat)ass cycle





At least i hope so..... gonna sleep now and hopefully not wake up and devour 4 bowls of choco pops for breakfast🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

---

[Rant/Rave] Some dude tried to insult me.
/u/mary_joan [Height 5'7 | CW 107| BMI | Weight Lost | Gender f]
Created: Fri Apr 14 15:52:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fhfe/some_dude_tried_to_insult_me/
---
Long story short today some dude came at me, trying to insult me by calling me a "skinny skeleton looking bitch"
it honestly just boosted my ego.

---

Why the hell is my body so difficult
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 15:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fglx/why_the_hell_is_my_body_so_difficult/
---
I literally have lost 35 pounds and I should be skinny by now but I'm not. I'm literally losing like a pound a month now even though I'm eating like 700-1000 calories a day and exercising and have an active job. It's shorts weather now and I look like garbage. At like 110-115 pounds I still have thick thighs, arms, and my upper abdomen always expands when I EAT so like if I ever eat something my stomach looks fat too. Fml I hate my body why can't i just have what I want by now

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If you get the chance, try these! They are so good. 75 calories for the whole box and u get a pretty good amount of vegetables.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 15:37:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fei3/if_you_get_the_chance_try_these_they_are_so_good/
---
https://i.redd.it/a85xztsj8lry.jpg

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[Help] Body has been confusing bored, stressed, and not about to burst as hunger for the longest time, what can help with this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 15:33:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65fdqz/body_has_been_confusing_bored_stressed_and_not/
---
[removed]

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"Oh my god did I just purge blood? Wait. No that's just a red piece of Captain Crunch." [Humor]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Fri Apr 14 15:05:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65f809/oh_my_god_did_i_just_purge_blood_wait_no_thats/
---
##JustEDThings

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else ever go through extreme spikes of the intensity of their ED? Like one week your disorder is very lax but the next is almost unbearable?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 125 | GW 115 | BMI 20ish | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 14:52:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65f56p/does_anyone_else_ever_go_through_extreme_spikes/
---
[Rant] I'm currently going through a 'bad' spike in my ED. This time last year was when my ED fully developed and hit in full force, and I ended up losing 30 pounds over 3 months. I have a tendency to romanticize past events like this--remembering how amazing it felt to restrict, over exercise, and lose weight--so the past couple weeks I have been harder on myself and restricting my eating more and more. It feels so good again to see the number on the scale decreasing again, even though I know that's not a good thing. I've managed to somehow be able to purge again after about 9 months of being unable to, I think from just psyching myself out in my head. I feel like my mind is in shambles with this obsession to relive the glory of last year. How have you dealt with extreme surged in your ED tendencies?

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Starting my first fast!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 14:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65exzm/starting_my_first_fast/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Self care tips needed (from a bulimic please..)
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:53:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65esr7/self_care_tips_needed_from_a_bulimic_please/
---
Anorexics and bulimics and EDNOS and binge eating--all are welcome yeah but I'm just in a rut kind of today

I need a bulimic's self care tips.

My teeth are worrying me more than my anxiety.
I'm sorry this isn't in the self-care thread that's on here weekly I just want to know I'm not alone (i'm feeling this way so often lately).

---

[Discussion] What is your ED to you?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:48:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65ermx/what_is_your_ed_to_you/
---
What form does it take? What does it mean for you? Is it a coping mechanism? Is it a friend? Is it the Babadook? Is it a silly grasp at rewinding back to when things didn't hurt?

what is it to you?

To me it's such an ugly thing--it's a tumor and it's so ugly but it's me.

---

Daily Food Diary?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:47:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65erbo/daily_food_diary/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Goal weight and disappointed. (Discussion)
/u/goldkitty8
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:46:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65erb3/goal_weight_and_disappointed_discussion/
---
I'm on mobile so I can't add the flair sorry, I hope this still gets posted.

Ah, the elusive goal weight. For context, I'm 5ft 1.5in.

I always wanted to be 35kg. I fluctuated between 37-39kg from the age of 17-21. Occasionally I'd hit 36kg, but never 35.

I hit 35kg 2 weeks ago, after trying for 5 years.

It's not what I thought it would be. Sure I can see my spine, sure I can see my entire rib cage, but somehow I thought it would be more (or less, ha ha). My legs aren't BONY, they're just thin.

It feels like I have been working towards nothing but it also feels like at 34,33,32,31,30,29kg I would not be happy either.

How did you react when you reached your goal weight?

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[Rant/Rave] Who else keeps binging and then says "ok I'm restricting SO hard tomorrow" and then binges AGAIN :) [Rant]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:21:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65elqc/who_else_keeps_binging_and_then_says_ok_im/
---
I feel like such a faker lol!! I can't even restrict right! It used to be SO easy for me to live on <600 a day for MONTHS and now I'm like :) :) eating at my maintainence calories e v e r y d a y. God. At least I'm not gaining right?

I know I keep saying this but tomorrow is always a fresh start. I'm going to the bookstore all day tomorrow to study so hopefully I'll be eating sub-400 tomorrow since I can't just go and stuff myself with Captain Crunch at the bookstore. I usually feel pretty when I'm wearing my nice clothes, drinking a frappuchino and studying so it's gonna be okay.

Anyways, anyone else?

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 14, 2017
/u/somanyjellyrolls [5'5" | 108.5 | 18.27 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:11:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65eje4/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for April 07, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

***
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED).

***
Sorry, Automod seems to be taking the day off on Fridays....

---

[Discussion] Trying to like Shirataki Noodles!
/u/mckenziemudkip [5'2 | CW:106(-24) GW:88 | BMI 20.08| F/21]
Created: Fri Apr 14 13:08:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65eiqn/trying_to_like_shirataki_noodles/
---
This is my second go at them.

Does anyone who loves them wanna share their favorite recipes/ways to prepare them?

I'd appreciate it! :)

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 13 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 12:25:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e98m/summer_goals_day_13_checkin/
---
Happy Easter Friday, if that's the day in your timezone!!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve? ❤

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[Thinspo] My favorite thinspo pictures.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 12:16:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e7dp/my_favorite_thinspo_pictures/
---
http://imgur.com/a/1on4T

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[Rant/Rave] Just smile and hold it together
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3.5" | CW: 141.4 | -55lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Fri Apr 14 12:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e5z8/just_smile_and_hold_it_together/
---
Get about 3 sips into my latte before I realize it tastes too good.

Go to barista.

Me: Is this a skinny?
Barista: No, regular :)
M: I :) asked :) for :) a :) skinny :)
B: oh okay we'll fix it

*okay thanks but you just ruined my day*

And apparently this would not be a situation acceptable to cry in so... and I'm at work... but seriously??

---

[Discussion] My eating disorder is a game.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 12:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e5wg/my_eating_disorder_is_a_game/
---
This is probably the most sick/disordered thing that I think about, so let me just preface this by saying that I know that my ED is serious, and I'm not trying to make light of it.

But sometimes, I think it's fun, in a twisted way. It's a game I play with myself. How long can I go without eating? If I make it long enough, my trophy is seeing the number on the scale go down. And if I don't make it long enough, then I'm eating. Does anybody else get some kind of enjoyment from this or am I just messed up?

---

[Intro] Lurker made an Introduction post
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 223.8 lbs | 39.27| -7 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 12:02:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e4bq/lurker_made_an_introduction_post/
---
I'm obese. I've always been the fat girl. I vividly remember the first time anyone ever called me fat. I was in the 2nd grade wearing my favorite purple sweater that for some reason had the number 89 on it and this kid named Carlos pointed to it and said

"is that number your weight? Because you look fatter than that"

I tried to laugh it off but that was the first time I became self aware of the fact that I wasnt the same size as everyone else. I was fat. Since then I always compared myself to other peoples bodies. No harm in that.

Fifth grade was the second instance in where I vividly remember being called out for my weight. It was PE and we were being weighed. I remember sitting in my spot on the floor, nervous. Hoping that my teacher wouldnt say it out loud in a voice that would reach the ears of my peers. I wasn't the fattest this time. I would cling onto that as a little victory. After PE my "trustworthy" friend Izzy asked me how much I weighed. I knew I shouldnt have said anything. But I knew we at least had to be the same weight or close enough to where we could be fat in solidarity. I said those daunting pounds.. 95. And she told me how she weighed 103. Another little victory I had thought. Until we rode the shared bus home and she told everyone I was fatter than her. The lying bitch. I went home that afternoon and cried.

Reading this might seem melodramatic but those two instances shaped me dramatically on how I will forever be viciously self aware of just how fat I am.

I grew up as the chubby little sister. I was always fatter than M. First everyone wrote it off as baby fat. Then as I continued to grow older and my weight steadily increased it was accepted that id just always be fatter than her. I semi used to joke with her on why didnt she slap the food that I was gonna shovel into my mouth out. But secretly I think she just wanted me to be fatter and thus would always offer me her left over food.

Its difficult writing this down. All that I've kept hidden. Now it's out there.

Middle school came around. I wasnt the fattest anymore but in my friend group I was. Always 30+ lbs fatter. I started self harming back then. I was diagnosed with depression and took my meds. I tried to balance me being fat by being the loud "dumb blonde" in class. If I couldnt be known as skinny I'd at least make everyone laugh. 8th grade came along and my "friends" who i guess were never my friends to begin with started bullying me.

High school came around and I was more or less considered average. I wasnt the fattest friend. And actually didnt hate myself too much. I joined the swim team which did wonders to my ass and gut. That's what I want to get back to. My weight was around 160-175. A little overweight but manageable. Sophomore year was my glory days.

I'm turning 19 in 2 weeks and I hate my body. I have a incredibly loving boyfriend. He used to be morbidly obese but lost a LOT of weight before he met me. I know he loves my body type but I cant help seeing my imperfections. I go back and forth between loving myself and hating myself. If I could id just get a brazilian butt lift and call it good. My problem areas are my gut and back mostly.

My friend is pregnant again. After her first pregnancy we were the same weight but she got back down to 185. Now shes pregnant and freaking out and upset that shes gonna balloon even further this time. I feel like a cunt for being happy about it. The only thing that is motivating me is knowing as she gets fatter I will get skinnier. And that's all I need. Shes due in september and I know by then I'll have lost 40lbs at least to make her jealous.

Sorry if my intro is long and pathetic sounding. But this is how my mind operates. Ive never been clinically diagnosed with an ED because on the outside I'm a fat fuck. I shovel my face with food til I feel like I can sense every millimeter of my belly screaming to expand further til it can't. Then I know the only way to make it stop is to purge all of the disgustingness out of me. This is me. This is my life. And my struggles with it.

---

[Help] Feel as if I've lost friends because of ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 11:45:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e0gr/feel_as_if_ive_lost_friends_because_of_ed/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] How the *fuck* am I supposed to cope with this?
/u/tinhousecrook [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 110 | 23F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 11:44:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65e022/how_the_fuck_am_i_supposed_to_cope_with_this/
---
For the last two weeks I've totally impressed myself by staying under 800 calories every god damn day - some days under 600.

I've taken 20-30 minute walks with my fiance every other day and play softball once a week.

I've committed to drinking a healthy amount of water each day.

AND THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE HAS NOT BUDGED IN TWO WEEKS. NOT EVEN A FRACTION OF A POUND.

How is this possible? My TDEE is somewhere around 1700, I spend two weeks eating at almost a 1,000 calorie deficit, and I haven't lost ANYTHING?!

I feel so disgusting. I feel like curling up into a ball, crying, hiding in my bedroom, and sleeping for a month. What is the fucking point? How am I supposed to cope with this? It's not fair. It's taking everything in me not to go across the street and binge until I puke.

(sorry for the negativity)

---

[Rant/Rave] Small victories (rave ahead)
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 11:09:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65dryi/small_victories_rave_ahead/
---
So the scale is going down but I don't see it. And while I don't want to jinx myself (especially with this weekend of birthdays / Easter coming up).
I will say my clothes for summer are loose. Like more than I thought they would be. Although in the back of my mind I actually can't remember if they were that loose last year or if it's actually loose.
And so it's killing me cause I know logically I'm down from about 130s to (as of this morning 119.2) so maybe they are loose, maybe I am less bloated so they aren't as tight. But I don't know. And it's so hard cause last year while I was obsessed over weight I didn't pay much attention to fit. But like these are 3 to 4 inches loose, enough that I feel like past me would get the next size down but maybe I tried and it was too small.

I don't know.

All I know is I maybe (probably) should get a new pair of shorts 😅

(Real talk, I'm low key afraid to get new shorts because that means I maybe am loosing weight and I feel like I'm not allowed to get excited about that)

---

[Intro] I added my flair to keep me honest / Introduction
/u/jamaicanoproblem [F 5'4"|CW 207#|GW 140|HW 225.5|LW 127]
Created: Fri Apr 14 10:37:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65dl1h/i_added_my_flair_to_keep_me_honest_introduction/
---
I need to start tracking my weight again because it's just getting out of control.

I've not added a flair before now because I was embarrassed. But it is what it is. Hiding it from you all was just a way to hide the truth from myself. I need to be held accountable.

The honest truth:

Low weight of 127ish when I was roughly 17/18 years old. I was vegan and fasting and calorie restricting at the time. I also had my wisdom teeth removed and was barely able to eat for two months, which jump started my weight loss. I may also have done some binge/purge but not consistently. I never intentionally binged with the plan to purge but I would sometimes overeat and then get anxious about it and force myself to throw up afterwards.

High weight was reached about 6 months after I got married. I was 26 years old. I had started eating animal products again and went totally horrifically overboard, ordering every item from every restaurant menu I'd longed to try for the past decade. I blew up. Louis CK has a joke about how your weight should not be "your age plus 200 lbs" and I was at 225.5 on the scale. I decided I did not want to see 226 and started dieting again.

I lost 50 lbs with CICO/restricting/IF and some assistance from phentermine and got down to the 170s for like, a week. And then shit got real and my life fell apart and I started eating like a monster because I was having emotional issues. I wanted to hurt myself but everybody gets so *weird* about that so I was eating instead because that was more "socially acceptable".

Two years later I have gained almost all of that weight back and I'm 210 as of this morning. My husband is dieting for his health (no more junk food in the house) and I'm on Adderall now which helps to suppress my appetite, so I've lost about 5 lbs in the last 2-3 weeks. I am hoping to do better and keep it up.

I have medical issues that prevent me from exercising (yeah even low impact) so I really just have to restrict, restrict, restrict. It's difficult when you work from home and sit around all day with the food!

So that's me, a fat fucking slug who has to restrict like a motherfucker because I do nothing and burn no calories. FML. I am striving for under 1000 every day. Rarely succeed but I'm not giving up yet.

I'm trying to get back into myfitnesspal (user off and on since 2011), if anyone wants to be friends on there feel free to send a PM.

---

[Discussion] DAE watch YouTube videos of people binging?
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 10:06:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65de6g/dae_watch_youtube_videos_of_people_binging/
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For some reason, watching other people stuff their faces really helps curb my cravings to binge. Does anyone else do this??

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[Rant/Rave] Worried friends
/u/floatingalong_ [5'6" | CW: idk | CBMI: idk | GW: 85lbs | F ]
Created: Fri Apr 14 10:00:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65dcr2/worried_friends/
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So my friends are worried about me. They all want to meet up and I can't...I'm too scared to. They'll question me about how I'm doing ED wise and I can't deal with that. I just wish they'd leave me alone?? I know that sounds so bad, but I'm just so stressed at the thought of socialising with them. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to cope with this.

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling pretty crazy lately [Rant]
/u/DoctorFeather1 [5'6" | 130 | 21.4 | -33 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 09:24:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65d5cd/feeling_pretty_crazy_lately_rant/
---
I've been accidentally maintaining lately, or rather, failing to lose. Lack of ambition or motivation or something has been keeping me from losing these last 3 or so pounds to get to my next goal. I realized that I am the same weight I was this time last year. Super frustrating to have not lost anything *in a year!*

But despite all that, I thought I was doing ok. My body has been hidden all winter under dark and loose clothing. I thought I was passing for normal if not slightly thin. HA!

I went swimsuit shopping yesterday. I bought a suit this time last year, but by the time summer rolled around it was too big. So I needed a new one. I grabbed the next size down but none of them fit. Somehow I am *bigger* even though I am the same weight. Plus, suddenly the mirror seems to show flaps of skin, rolls of back fat, patches of cellulite everywhere. I haven't looked at myself nearly naked in a long time. I guess I deluded myself into thinking I was doing ok.

So upsetting. I fasted all day yesterday and will do another today. The scale moved 2 lbs already, but the weekend is coming up. I can't keep failing like this.

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[Other] Favorite artist-- I hope her songs help you feel less alone in your ED today. 💕
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'10" | CW: 134 | BMI: 18.74 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri Apr 14 09:14:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65d36l/favorite_artist_i_hope_her_songs_help_you_feel/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvL_Mp9rgwk

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[Rant/Rave] ice cream and my ass of a roommate (more of a musing than a vent)
/u/OneEyedOneHorned [69" | 196lbs | 29 | 80lbs | Other]
Created: Fri Apr 14 09:11:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65d2ff/ice_cream_and_my_ass_of_a_roommate_more_of_a/
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I wasn't sure where to put this. This sub seems like an appropriate place because I'm not going to stop and I don't give a shit what my roommate or my boyfriend think. My boyfriend hasn't made any comments about my diet and I think he understands that if he did, it wouldn't matter.

Anyway, when I feel especially like shit, which is a lot lately (I've been sick a lot, lung infections, bad knee, my back's fucked, my head's fucked, yadda yadda whatever), I buy ice cream and I will eat the whole half gallon of ice cream in about one or two days depending on how bad I feel. I usually wait until my boyfriend has gone to bed and I'm watching Netflix, internetting, my roommate's in the other room playing video games. He's a rather fit dude, brings over a lot of girls from the bars about every other night. Usually he's a good roommate. He's a nice guy, funny, pitches in around the apartment, whatever.

Anyway, I've noticed that the last 3 times I've bought a thing of ice cream, every time I sit down to eat some, he will get up and go outside, run to his car to grab something, and come back after a few minutes, looking like he ran a lap around the block. He never says anything, never makes any comments. He sometimes tries to make it less obvious that's what he's doing but it's a tiny apartment and pretty damn obvious that now whenever I have ice cream, he made it in his head that he has to exercise.

He doesn't have an ED. I've lived with him now 7 months and never seen any hint of ED symptoms or thinking. This is just him using "my fat roommate is eating ice cream again, I'm going to run around the block" as some kind of motivation for him to exercise I just SERIOUSLY wish he wouldn't use ME.

I want to tell him to fuck off. I want to buy ice cream and put it on the table and make him run and then throw the ice cream away as soon as he gets back and then tell him to fuck off using other people without their permission. I'm not your fucking fitness timer, Ben. I don't care if he wants to go running just don't include me in his shit.

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[Discussion] "You're so thin now! You look good!"
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 95 | GW 93 | BMI 16.8 | 23F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 09:00:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65d04g/youre_so_thin_now_you_look_good/
---
Visited my old job... I haven't worked there for seven or eight months now and the last time I went in to visit was nearly four months ago. The first thing my coworker said when I saw her was "You lost weight! I can really see it in your face." A lot of people didn't seem to recognize me. Was I really so fat before? I ran into someone else there and they seemed shocked when they realized it was me. As much as I liked the validation of people's comments on my weight, it also makes me wonder... was I really so fat before? I know my cheekbones are more prominent and my legs look better, but was my face so round? I'm not even that thin. I still have ten more pounds to lose. Or people who told me I looked good, prefaced by, YOU LOST WEIGHT! I'm ashamed I ever weighed as much as 113.

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[Rant/Rave] Disappointed With My Ever Moving Goalpost
/u/Pans_Flabyrinth [5'5.75" | 106.2 | BMI: 17 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 08:47:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65cxem/disappointed_with_my_ever_moving_goalpost/
---
Ugh.

I'm so frustrated right now. Since February, all I've been telling myself was that if I get back to my wedding weight, I'll look great. But now I'm only 1.6 lbs away, and it's clear to me that I don't look great. In fact, I had given myself a stretch goal of 105 lbs (rather than 108), and I'm not even sure if that will be enough. It's looking like I'm going to have to work towards 100 lbs. And I'm seriously butt-hurt about it.

I was so looking forward to finally reaching a stage of maintenance. I've never been small of enough to maintain before, and I was stoked for the challenge of figuring out how to. This new realization means I'm going to have to work even harder for even longer. And while I'm definitely going to *do* that, I'm seriously annoyed that I have to.

I thought I looked so thin at my wedding, but apparently I've deluded myself and forgotten how disappointed I was with myself then. I went back through the pictures and I swear my arms looked way more toned. Maybe it was the tan? I don't know.

I'm sure you guys have experienced this too. I mean, even I have with previous goal weights. But I've never been this close before only to have any joy I felt about "making it" totally ripped out from under me. What do you guys do in these situations?

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[Rant/Rave] You know how if you stare at a word for too long or think about it too much, it stops making sense? I feel like that's exactly what's happening with my body.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Fri Apr 14 08:31:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65cudl/you_know_how_if_you_stare_at_a_word_for_too_long/
---
Like what size even am I? I'm trying to find a fucking one-piece for this stupid vacation and god DAMN it, it's impossible. I've already impulse-bought a super-cute bikini that technically fits, but my deflated boobs ruined it, so I'm gonna have to return it which makes me wanna cry.

So while looking at size charts on the ASOS site, I found out that apparently it's not all in my head. Based on my measurements and their sizing charts, my chest is a size 6, my waist is a size 4, and my hips are a size 2...sometimes a 0 (!?!?!) depending on the item.

WHAT IN THE FUCK. This does NOT help my body dysmorphia at ALL. In fact, it validates it. I am, in fact, both huge and skinny. The reason I feel like a size 2 some days and a size 6 other days is because I'm literally 3 different sizes. Fuck! It used to be fine, I'd just get a size that fit my waist/ass and it'd be tight on my boobs but totally fine because hey, bazoongas. But now they're all wilted and wrinkly and disgusting and nothing looks right and I just want to die. WHY did I have to develop HUGE boobs at nine-fucking-years-old?! Why do they have to look like deflated whoopie cushions instead of...y'know, just shrinking normally like the rest of me? UGH.

I guess the next month's gotta be all about upper-body workouts because I have GOT to tighten this shit up. I'm SO sad about the bikini. It's so cute. Purple with rose-gold accents, 2 of my favorite things. I was sooo paranoid about my stomach looking bad but lo and behold, stomach is fine and tits are now the problem.

Fuck me.

Oh and that Junior's tank top I was ranting about the other day? I'm just double-stupid. One of them is a junior's small (the one I'm wearing) and one's a junior's medium. So I guess yay I technically fit in small teen sizes? Idek. I hate this :(

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[Rant/Rave] Had a dream where I ate a bowl of cereal, freaked out, then comforted myself by saying it's just a dream
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | UGW: dead | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 08:16:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65cr71/had_a_dream_where_i_ate_a_bowl_of_cereal_freaked/
---
What is even wrong with me?

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[Goal] New goal (on mobile, can't flair)
/u/BluestNovember [5'4" | SW: 200+ lbs | CW: too high | BMI: under 40 | -26lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 07:44:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65cl0h/new_goal_on_mobile_cant_flair/
---
Fit into airplane seatbelt without an extender 😭

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[Intro] Well hi
/u/FavorSlave- [5"8 / 21 BMI / F19]
Created: Fri Apr 14 05:52:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65c2vd/well_hi/
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Welcome back to me. After months and months of binging, I'm up to a BMI of 21, over 60 kg like I promised myself I'd never be again.

So, I'm fasting.

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[Rant/Rave] My dad asked me if I gained any weight.
/u/GingerStark [5'9.3" | 20.2 | CW : 138 | GW : 120 | UGW : 110 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 04:03:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bp4x/my_dad_asked_me_if_i_gained_any_weight/
---
Great :')

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[Meme/Humor] How I feel When Everyone Else Is A Size 0 and I Am A Size 10000 (with a fake smile on top)
/u/Girl_who_cooks
Created: Fri Apr 14 03:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bkxp/how_i_feel_when_everyone_else_is_a_size_0_and_i/
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https://youtu.be/irj2jhOsMp0

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[Discussion] DAE feel like fat girls wearing revealing outfits look cheap and like they are trying too hard
/u/chuuta [5'4 | 114.2 | 19.85 | -14.9 | female]
Created: Fri Apr 14 02:35:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bfaf/dae_feel_like_fat_girls_wearing_revealing_outfits/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck 'Facebook Memories' to hell. Fuck them.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Apr 14 02:34:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bf6w/fuck_facebook_memories_to_hell_fuck_them/
---
Asif I need a reminder of how much skinnier I was this time last year?!

Actually maybe I do.. I didn't realise I was THIS far from that. I think because I felt hugely fat back then, I feel hugely fat now, so I assumed I was closer to it. I had lost more weight by last summer, guess I kinda assume it was only then I reached my lower weights.. but nope, I was skinnier this time last year too.

But still, fuck them. Fuck them to hell and FINE I'll save the picture for motivation.

Not a good start to the day. Considering changing my 'relax about Easter and eat chocolate' plans to 'HIDE IN A FUCKING HOLE FOR TWO MONTHS CONSUMING NOTHING BUT DUST AND TWIGS'. Maybe not even the twigs /melodramatic

I am a sad.

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck 'Facebook Memories' hell. Fuck them.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 14 02:33:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bf2q/fuck_facebook_memories_hell_fuck_them/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Scale losses, but non-scale victories
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Apr 14 02:17:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bdax/scale_losses_but_nonscale_victories/
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So I've gained 1.5-2ish pounds this week due to overeating and I've been horrified, but today I went to the mall and cried in the dressing room. Of *happiness.* There was an adorable spring-printed off-the-shoulder blouse that I really wanted but the only size was XS. I'm usually a medium, so I figured I'd just try to get it over my shoulders and nearly rip the thing and just barely pull it back off. Not only did it fit, It was *loose.* It hung off me. It did touch my stomach a little bit, which I disliked, but it was loose around the shoulders and fit around the waist and stomach like my medium-sized clothes did when I first got them.

XS was a little too loose. I was a little too small. Holy crap.

And here I assumed everything I owned just stretched out in the wash.

I had my little omg-my-life-is-amazing cry and then later I asked my husband to take some pictures of me with my arms full of Lush stuff (for me) and candy (for him, but my parents will totally assume I'm eating if I show them I bought half a ton of specialty chocolates). He took the pictures. I. Looked. Great!!! For once the camera didn't add ten pounds. You could catch rainwater in my collarbones. What the hell?? Why didn't I look this thin at my lowest?! Not that I'm complaining.

This has been a good day.

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[Rant/Rave] Got through Good Friday dinner without binging!
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 14 02:13:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65bcw8/got_through_good_friday_dinner_without_binging/
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Well, almost. We haven't had dinner yet but all afternoon they've been snacking, and whilst I've probably over-eaten quite a large amount I haven't lost control and I'm still under my TDEE for weekly average!! I feel like this is a success for me considering I'm a sucker for hot cross buns and bread, and have had a pretty bad March in terms of binging.

I think I definitely need to maintain for a while too so I'm not feeling _too_ guilty about this? I mean I still feel a little guilty for being WAY over my daily TDEE, but... Is this what it's like to eat normally?? My heart rate is up because I'm so excited about actually being semi-normal-ish (teenagers eat a lot, yeah?).

Whether I regret this or not tomorrow is another thing hah.

Obligatory on mobile no flair <3

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[Discussion] ED rates by location?
/u/fruitandfood
Created: Fri Apr 14 00:52:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65b3fb/ed_rates_by_location/
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[Discussion]
I was thinking about this recently and people often say eating disorders spawn from control, however many cities seem to have higher rates of eating disorders than others. For example, I live in a wealthy California city with so many goodlooking and inshape people. However, not only is disordered eating seem rampant here, but full on eating disorders seem far more common than the national average.
This may just be pure speculation, but I tried to rummage for data, but couldn't find any. If you have some please feel free to share! :)
But i guess i was basically wondering what you guys thought. Are people in these places just influenced by them around them so underlying genetic influences take over or maybe it is nornalized so it seems well normal? Do people coming to more appearance based places simply have a tendency for it, but what about kids who were just born into it? Maybe its because these environemnts, or atleast i know in my city, pressure for academics is crazy and this perfectionist streak is then applied to all aspects for people here?
Anyway i hope that was coherent and if this breaks any rules im sorry plz let me know!
Hope every1 has a good weekend :)
EDIT: spelling and does any1 know how to split in2 paragraphs? I cant get it 2!

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I've unlocked the secret to life [RAVE]
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -11 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 23:48:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65avfx/i_feel_like_ive_unlocked_the_secret_to_life_rave/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Let me just rant a bit about SO's ...
/u/kimmyjazz_11
Created: Thu Apr 13 22:46:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65amkc/let_me_just_rant_a_bit_about_sos/
---
Sorry for my formatting . On mobile :/


Okay so just to start out with, I'm 4' 9 and weigh about 130ish . Okay that's pretty chubby for a girl my height. I realize this, I understand, and I don't like complaining without action y'know? I constantly ask about gym memberships with my SO and what I should and shouldn't eat because I figured he'd be supportive. He lost over 100 pounds when he was a teen so I know he knows what to do really or how to start. He never helped out with that so that's fine. I found keto to be really cool and trying that out. I've been counting calories. Easy, I like restricting . But I feel it's not enough...
The one area I really need help with is the gym because I'm a noob and don't know what I'm doing. The mention of anything of me trying to lose weight my SO just says "ugh you're not fat quit it ." Like ???? Okay whatever . Even if you don't think I am , I MYSELF am not happy. It sucks that I stare for SO long in the mirror before I shower because I hate my body. I spend all my time learning about how to lose weight. Food always on my mind. I love and hate food. He doesn't know that battle. I hate that I can't let him tickle me because I think he's just poking at my fat. I hate my sex life because you can only imagine.....
Nothing annoys me more than him saying "stop it" when I really can't at this point. I just want to yell at him "I HAVE A MENTAL ISSUE YOU TWIT I CANT JUST STOP" binge eating and purging secretly . Trying to restrict . Hating food but wanting it always . Why can't I be normal ?

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[Help] Broke my 6 day fast
/u/NotoriousN-I-C
Created: Thu Apr 13 22:24:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65aj2n/broke_my_6_day_fast/
---
With a rice cake and PB2. I'm upset about the carbs in the rice cake. I didn't want to eat, but I was so shaky and dizzy.

Should I just do broth next time?

---

[Rant/Rave] why are we doing this?
/u/whyarewedoingthis0
Created: Thu Apr 13 22:10:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65agvo/why_are_we_doing_this/
---
throwaway for some reason.

i'm having a really bad day so i just sat down to write a list about why i want this. i titled it, "what is your why?" and the first thing i wrote was "for other people to..." and immediately stopped and crossed it out because that is just so messed up. i was going to write something about hearing comments from other people. i proceeded to make a list that didn't have anything to do with other people for the first part but such a big motivator is what other people see when they look at me. i might be alone in thinking this but isn't there something wrong with that?

i don't know. maybe it was just a weird self realization. this started as a rant but this might be a good discussion too so, if you want to share, **what is your why?**

---

[Discussion] Anyone else give up their relationships to prioritize ED?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 21:35:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65abgd/anyone_else_give_up_their_relationships_to/
---
(On mobile) by relationships I mean friendships, family, or romantic. I kind of isolated myself from my friends for multiple reasons: 1) I felt to fat to been seen by any of them 2) they like to go out to eat a lot and I didn't want pressure to eat

I guess I told myself I'd just restrict enough to lose enough to feel skinny enough for them to see me and to have made enough progress to be able to make it through situations involving food. Now, I kind of feel like I made a horrible decision. I mean, I've learned the weren't the best friends to begin with. In my absence they spread crazy rumors behind my back all the time. But no one is perfect, and we had good times. Now I'm truly alone. And I didn't even reach my goal weight. And now they're all graduating and I'll probably never see them again.

---

[Discussion] Dear _____________,
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Thu Apr 13 21:25:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65a9th/dear/
---
Flair discussion, maybe?
Write a letter to someone or to your ED - tell him/her/it something you would never be able to say out loud irl.

(This actually helps me when I'm journaling sometimes)

~~

Dear Mom,
STOP FEEDING ME SHIT. I'm an adult. You make me feel even worse about myself than I already do. Let me be! I'm 24 - trying to get my life back together, trying to reach my GWs, and I am nowhere near underweight. Bringing attention to my "cute" behaviors, or saying that I will gain all of the weight back is torturous to hear. Just because you have been obese your whole life does not mean that I have to follow in your footsteps.


Dear abusive ex-fiancee,
I fucking hate you. I hate that you and your girlfriend were my best friends (but we're you ever, really?) and now, it's like...nothing. I hate that you act like I don't exist but we live under the same roof, and I hate that I have forfeited so much control and sanity to you and your sick whims over the past 7 years. I will never pick you over anyone else in my life again. Fuck you for making me feel like this. It won't ever happen again. And don't ever compare me to her again - at least I don't have to put people down to make me feel better about myself. I can't wait until you leave - maybe then I will have some semblance of control in another aspect of my life besides my ED one.

Sincerely,
Me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Working Towards Recovery- Brain Dump
/u/ethereal-sea-nymph [5'3 | CW 106 | GW: idek | Female]
Created: Thu Apr 13 20:52:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65a4ck/working_towards_recovery_brain_dump/
---
I've been eating a lot. Like, over indulging deliberately. And at first it was just mindless force-feeding, I felt like a robot. I knew I wanted to want it and I needed it. But then, after about a week, I felt my brain like, power up and turn on. And suddenly I was happy and energized. And suddenly food had taste and depth to it. So that was exciting and pleasurable, but also terrifying, obviously. Bc now I can't stop eating.
So, I think eating has like, stabilized some of my mental health issues and brought me a bit out of my depression. Which is good. But, now I'm sitting here, a little bit plumper, and honestly a lot happier, but I don't want to have to continue to eat. I don't want to reteach my body it's health limits. I don't think I can. I feel like all I do now is binge forever. And all my techniques aren't working bc they only worked bc I was depressed enough to have lost all sense of appetite and desire. So now I'll like skip breakfast and instead of just eating a little something healthy later, I'm stuffing my entire face full of disgusting foods. One after the other. There is hardly a break.
I've lost all control. I'm glad to be getting healthier and "recovering" but I'm afraid that I'm just going to spin wildly into the other direction. I mean, I know that I'm making a positive choice by feeding myself more, the evidence is blinding. I cannot even remotely believe how happy I have felt over the past few days. Me, even a week ago, would have found it utterly unfathomable.
So whyyyyyyy do I want to fast? Why do I want to drink only tea and bounce around the kitchen on my tip toes?? Why do I crave for my stomach to cave in on itself, shaking and collapsing with grumbles and rumbles? I long to float. And also, even still, much of my eating comes alongside with guilt. Less direct talking to myself about being undeserving, but still a heavy "shame on you" feeling.
I want to recover. I've been going through the motions, almost mechanically, but now my brain is freaking out and I want to stop and go back, even though I *know* that my health (mental, physical, and emotional) is improving, but I couldn't now even if I wanted to bc I'm weak and I've lost my floating powers. And even though they weren't exactly good powers, I loved them and they were magical and beautiful and safe in their own way.

Sorry for the ramblings, I'm totally high and also spiked full of sugar for the first time in ages and it's weird.

---

[Rant/Rave] Purged for first time in years
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 20:19:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/659yzp/purged_for_first_time_in_years/
---
I've never been much of a purger. It always bursts the blood vessels around my eyes, no matter what, which is just not a good look for me. This sub has also been a huge factor in preventing me from purging lately by reminding me of the downsides and all that.

But I've been really struggling lately. And last weekend I binged really badly while I was blackout drunk, and all I could think the next day was, "why didn't you purge, you fucking idiot? It would have been so easy at that level of drunkenness."

Tonight I was drunk again and ate a lot again so in order to avoid that same regret (lol), I purged. I didn't even choose a good night; I had eaten Mexican food, and I like my food spicy AFFF, so yeah, that was fun.

Now I'm trying to force myself to feel regret, but all I feel is relief. And a really nice buzz from the alcohol combined with the lack of oxygen while my fingers were shoved down my throat. And wanting to eat more since I totally can since I totally got rid of all those dinner cals (lolnope).

My wonderful, sweet, incredible SO came into the bathroom in the middle of it and rubbed my back and, having no idea that it was intentional, told me it was okay, I just drank a little too much. He is so perfect and I'm so undeserving.

Obligatory "I don't know why I'm posting this but I just need to vent." You guys are so amazing and I'm so grateful for this sub.

---

I feel like shit. It's been nearly four months and I don't see a difference :(( here's some "progress" pics
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 20:01:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/659vwq/i_feel_like_shit_its_been_nearly_four_months_and/
---
https://i.redd.it/iamlt8mtefry.jpg

---

[Thinspo] Witchy Thinspo!
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 143| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Thu Apr 13 19:58:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/659ve5/witchy_thinspo/
---
I know it's not Halloween but I'm hella pagan and I love looking at all the clothes I wish I could wear!
http://imgur.com/a/RgLvz

---

[Intro] I still need this place
/u/chronicselfsabotage [5'7" | 144 | 22.55 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 18:14:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/659cma/i_still_need_this_place/
---
Despite the fact that this is my first post on this account, I'm not new. I've actually had a bunch of accounts here, because every so often, I get really anxious that someone is going to find out who I am, so I delete to be safe. Or, more recently, I tell myself I'm ~recovering~ and that I'm not going to visit this sub anymore.

The thing is, I'm fucking terrible at recovery. I've gained weight (*cries*), but it feels like I've made absolutely no progress overcoming the mental illness itself. Psychologically, I'm still a complete fucking mess. Some days are better than others, but I don't think I've gone even a week without having some sort of major emotional breakdown related to feeling like a fat failure.

I've realized that I can't do this without the support of people who understand. And I can't just go around pretending that I don't still have horrible, disordered thoughts and habits. This has been a safe space for me, and it has made me feel less alone and less powerless in my ED. I still need a place to talk. I still need a place to be open and honest about what the fuck is going on in my head. I still need a place where I can feel like less of a disappointment. This is the only place I've ever been able to do any of that.

I hope it's still okay for me to post here, even though I'm trying to push myself toward recovery. I'm honestly failing miserably at it, and I feel like trying to bury my disorder and pretend it doesn't exist only makes it come back with a vengeance when I'm in an emotionally vulnerable state (which is like every other day right now lol). I can't just not talk about what I'm going through, and this is the only place I've ever felt like I can actually do that without fear of judgment.

---

[Thinspo] has anyone ever been more #goals?
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 17:48:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6597yl/has_anyone_ever_been_more_goals/
---
http://imgur.com/8mRoRch

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[Thinspo] Forever my thinspo ugh
/u/newportshorty [5'10 | CW:154| GW: 120]
Created: Thu Apr 13 17:28:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65943k/forever_my_thinspo_ugh/
---
https://i.redd.it/aw8phc7gnery.jpg

---

[Discussion] Paranoid about diet soda
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 119 | 19.8/20.3 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 17:06:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658ztx/paranoid_about_diet_soda/
---
It just seems too good to be true. It's gotta be hurting my weight loss in some way. I've read that some sodas actually contain a few calories. I wonder if I'm drinking enough for the calories to start adding up. Has anyone quit diet soda with positive effects?

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] just fucked up a perfect day
/u/psybeams
Created: Thu Apr 13 17:00:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658yrb/rantrave_just_fucked_up_a_perfect_day/
---
today was great, i didn't eat anything. then i hang out with my friends and smoke a bowl. got the munchies. proceed to make mac n cheese, eat a donut, a bowl of frosted mini wheats, a chocolate chip muffin, a frappucino, two chocolate covered pretzels, and some eggs. holy shit i want to fucking die. i'm being serious. i keep failing at this.

---

[Discussion] DAE ever put on an outfit and think "oh wow my body isn't so bad" and then take it off, see your naked body, and immediately go "ohhhh yes it is" no, just me?
/u/abortionleftovers [5'2"| 130 | too high | 15lb | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 16:42:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658v5s/dae_ever_put_on_an_outfit_and_think_oh_wow_my/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658v5s/dae_ever_put_on_an_outfit_and_think_oh_wow_my/

---

[Discussion] I think its ridiculous non-ED people get to pick and choose who gets to have an ED and who doesnt
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 16:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658on8/i_think_its_ridiculous_noned_people_get_to_pick/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Its absolutely ridiculous that non-ED people like to pick in choose who gets to have an ED and who doesnt.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 16:06:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658nww/its_absolutely_ridiculous_that_noned_people_like/
---
[deleted]

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[Intro] Was convinced I could do it right
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'10" | CW: 134 | BMI: 18.74 | GW: 125]
Created: Thu Apr 13 16:06:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/658nu5/was_convinced_i_could_do_it_right/
---
I've been accidentally liking posts from here on my main account, so I thought I better create a throwaway for this type of sub.

A lost a bunch of weight the "healthy" way (still obsessive over food, but limiting the binges and trying to restrict types of foods instead of calorie counts). I was convinced I could maintain like a normal human. But I can't. Of course I can't. Instead I started restricting randomly, and bingeing randomly, and now I've gained six pounds back and I'm losing my mind. Because I reached the minimum on the "healthy" BMI range, but I still saw flab and cellulite on my body. Then it felt like, "What the hell, I'll never be perfect anyway."

There's a lot going on for me personally right now that I can't or don't want to handle in a healthy way. I just want to be alone and obsess over measurements again. And usually when I get like this, it results in weight gain rather than loss. I find myself too erratic to stick to goals. I just fast, restrict, binge and hate myself. I've been crying on and off all week.

I tried joining MFP and counting calories in a healthy way, but it's just not possible for me. All it did was make me want to totally starve myself. So I counted calories successfully for a few days, then hungry felt good so I started fasting. Then I binged.

Starting over today I guess. I haven't eaten, and I don't want to. **My friends invited me out but I'm afraid to go because I know there will be food.** I don't know what to do. I definitely feel like I'm not eating disordered enough for a real diagnosis. I'm a normal weight, I don't b/p, and I eat with others all the time. I just secretly obsess over food and hate myself for having extra fat on my body.

Edit: ended up telling them I have work to do tonight and can't go out on short notice.

---

[Rant/Rave] Damn Cleaning Lady
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 14:58:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6589ju/damn_cleaning_lady/
---
I'm nursing a pretty bad hangover so I felt sick to my stomach all morning. It took me till like 4pm to even consider eating something. The cleaning lady (I feel so weird saying that) has been at work so I've set up camp in my parents room all afternoon. I felt weird going out there while she's there to get something, and when I finally did it turned out my mother had taken the only food I was comfortable eating with her to work....

So now I'm still in my parents room, it's getting really late and I haven't eaten and I don't know if I will at this point.

Don't you find it so ironic when you want to do recovery minded things but the world gets in the way? Every food I've seen on tv this afternoon looks so fucking good and I just want her to leave so I can have like 1 chip....

---

Reconnected with an old friend and found unexpected 'ED partner'
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 14:51:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65887t/reconnected_with_an_old_friend_and_found/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Just c/s'ed for the first time
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 14:41:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6585t0/just_csed_for_the_first_time/
---
I really hate myself.

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[Discussion] Eating more around specific people (ie: boyfriend)?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 14:35:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6584h7/eating_more_around_specific_people_ie_boyfriend/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I ate like a "normal" for two days in a row.
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Thu Apr 13 14:13:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/657zf9/rant_i_ate_like_a_normal_for_two_days_in_a_row/
---
I feel super gross and like a total fatass. Today has been all about not eating anything but coffee and ephedra and it feels great. It's funny how eating 1300 calories seems like I'm eating so much. It's not hard to not eat, but eating that much for two days in a row kinda fucked me up. I can't poop today, my tummy hurt yesterday and I had a "hypoglycemic episode" which I never have problems with when restricting but always have problems with if I try have a day of "normal" consumption. What gives?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone here have a personal mantra they use?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Thu Apr 13 13:18:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/657n2x/does_anyone_here_have_a_personal_mantra_they_use/
---
Mine is- when I want food "Well what happens if you don't?" "Nothing" "That's right bitch. Nothing."

Just thought that was funny.

---

[Rant/Rave] Went on a date/told my friend about binging and purging
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Thu Apr 13 13:14:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/657m61/went_on_a_datetold_my_friend_about_binging_and/
---
Last night I went on a date with a girl and we had a few beers. She wanted pizza and I managed to only take a few bites and just leave it. Then, we went up to her apartment and just talked for a bit. We really had no connection and I wasn't really attracted to her. When I left my heart started racing and I got that giddy, "I can order whatever food I want and just eat it all right now and throw it up," feeling.

It wasn't even a BAD date. The date was *okay*. I was on the phone with one of my closest friends while I was binging and I was just totally honest about what I was doing because he's had an eating disorder before. He tried to give me advice like, "Just log all your food and only eat 400-500 calories a day." Bitch, you think I only throw up my food? I've had an eating disorder since I was 9. I know what I'm doing. His girlfriend has an eating disorder, too, and he was like "Susan just eats like really small portions." I told him there was no way in hell his girlfriend didn't puke up her food every once in a while. I do believe that there are people out there who only restrict, but I don't think there are many. 10000% chance that I'm just telling my self that as consolation. Edit: I'm absolutely just telling myself that as consolation. I'm definitely jealous of people who don't resort to purging and at the time I was writing this I was particularly frustrated that he was comparing me to his girlfriend as if she were an ideal example of someone with an ed that I should emulate. On top of that, neither he or I actually know in what ways her disorder manifests. It was unfair of both of us to use her as an example to argue around. She is an actual person who deserves privacy without speculation.

I'm just frustrated with him and myself. I have no idea why I did that. I usually only b/p as a reward or when things are really bad. Not just as a reaction to something as mundane as last night. And his response was laughably shitty. He asked a few times if I was okay, but mostly was just disgusted. The thing that pisses me off the most is that he was trying to advise me in how to have an eating disorder. What the fuck. He's pretty clueless when it comes to sensitive topics, which is exactly why I felt comfortable letting him in on what I was doing because I knew he wasn't going to put much effort into stopping me.

I'm not going to confront him on this because I'm not hurt, just annoyed. It's nice to have finally told someone about this habit so I can joke about it and be honest if he asks what I'm doing when I'm in the midst of it. Just having little areas of my life that I can be totally honest is really freeing.

---

[Rant/Rave] Conflicted about summer
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 12:47:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/657g41/conflicted_about_summer/
---
[deleted]

---

[Thinspo] One of my biggest goals is to pull of thigh-high boots this well
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Thu Apr 13 12:16:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65790z/one_of_my_biggest_goals_is_to_pull_of_thighhigh/
---
https://i.redd.it/o1hfse7e3dry.png

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[Rant/Rave] Tired of fat girl glares
/u/Alkylhalides [5'2| 116.5 | 22.17 | UGW: 97 | 20 F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 12:06:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6576lk/tired_of_fat_girl_glares/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] What I do in life has no bearing on the scale [Rant/Rave]
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 11:43:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65717x/what_i_do_in_life_has_no_bearing_on_the_scale/
---
I think I've complained about this before, but this problem drives me nuts. I've been stuck at 108.4 for weeks now. I can fast, eat a ton of food, take diuretics, take laxatives, chop off an arm, and the damn thing won't move. I've tested it to see if it's weighing other things correctly and it is- but I'm constantly 108.4 (which is higher than even my "normal" weight). Yesterday it finally changed and showed 106.6, which I was ecstatic about, but today? Back the fuck up to 108.4.
I'm so frustrated I don't even know what to do with myself.

---

[Discussion] Liquid diet anyone?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 11:01:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/656ral/liquid_diet_anyone/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] DAE not feel like the "size" they are?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 47kg | 17.7 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Thu Apr 13 10:52:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/656pd9/dae_not_feel_like_the_size_they_are/
---
I ordered a top from asos in a size 8 because it was my "recommended" size. When it came it looked really small and I thought "wow this is never gonna fit me" put it on and it fit well, and then I thought "wow I guess sizes are getting bigger, this is probably actually a 10/12 or something" even though I fit in size 8 from other shops as well. Now I've convinced myself that all sizes have increased lmao.

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[Help] Is 25 pounds in 3 months reasonable?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 10:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/656hje/is_25_pounds_in_3_months_reasonable/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] DAE eat more before a dr appointment?
/u/litlelou [5'5" | CW:110? | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 10:11:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/656fsg/dae_eat_more_before_a_dr_appointment/
---
I recently was forced into blood work which came back irregular on my liver enzyme levels. So here I am getting more blood work done. Which means being weighed again.

Anyways, I found that both times I ate more beforehand to try and up my weight so as to be left alone about technically being underweight. Fortunately I'm a huge athlete so I already weight more though I look small because of muscle mass. And even just the few pounds of water weight knock me into a more acceptable weight range. Seeing the number stresses me out a lot but less so in the long run than having doctors try and force me to eat more.

Just wondering if I'm alone in this craziness or not.

---

[Discussion] What annoying things do non-ED people say?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 136 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 09:10:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65620c/what_annoying_things_do_noned_people_say/
---
(Please tag discussion)

What uninformed things do 'healthyish' people say?
For me, it would have to be my overweight mother saying she has 'dense bones' and that she's 'too old to lose weight'.

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[Rant/Rave] ED struggle
/u/incognitoporfavor
Created: Thu Apr 13 08:48:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655x8l/ed_struggle/
---
On mobile, please flair as rant

I'm so tired of having to keep my thoughts to myself. I obsess about food all day everyday, thinking about what I have eaten, what I will eat, what I wish I could eat. This is my internal monologue every second I am awake and it's so frustrating to not be able to talk about it out of fear that someone will notice that my obsession is just that. End rant.

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[Rant/Rave] I need to break my oral fixation
/u/greatglowingcoilsoft [5'7/F/-25lb]
Created: Thu Apr 13 08:27:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655st2/i_need_to_break_my_oral_fixation/
---
On mobile: tag rant/rave

I am not even hungry. I've been restricting going enough that my appetite has gone way down, and I usually EC stack enough that my stomach may as well not exist. But whenever I sit down to study, watch TV, work, or whatever I'll get a bagel/some fruit or something to eat just because that's what I've always done. The worst part is that I know I have this habit and I know I'm not even hungry but I'll eat anyway.

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Today I'm going to punish myself hardcore.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 08:16:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655qgr/today_im_going_to_punish_myself_hardcore/
---
[deleted]

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I Don't Know What I Am But I'm Here
/u/babymamalatte
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655lsi/i_dont_know_what_i_am_but_im_here/
---
I am somewhat restrictive, but generally eat healthy things and by the end of the night will hit a fairly normal calorie number for a dieter at my height.

But I count my calories somewhat carefully. I feel as though I'm thinking too much about nutritional content and how I'm spreading the numbers. I like thinking about the content and proportion to my day, though, because it's like toying with what perfect selection of snacks/foods will keep my muscle and make me healthy while also rather satisfied...it's like playing with dolls. It makes me feel satisfied like a young child might be petting the hair of their dolls and staring serenely at their faces.

I like staring at thinspo, too, though there has to be a fashion element. Something more than just bone-porn...something beautiful. Maybe ethereal. It satisfies me in a way where I compulsively check this and the femalefashionadvice sub for more.

I drink definitely too much caffiene 400mgs every day almost at a bare minimum. I watch and get excited by food-involved television shows. I put off important things to see Part 2 of the Assanti brothers (600lb life) or youtube food diaries. Don't get me started on the awesomeness of Samurai Gourmet. I obsessively check this subreddit...for what, I'm not sure. It seems like the one thing to interest me...food...and most specifically, diets.

I want to be tiny, but often especially in the mornings I feel mostly sort of okay with my body. I'm not desperate and all or nothing to be thin.

But I will say that I'm more confident the emptier my stomach is (and all the more if coffee/monster is within reach). I will say I've always felt a great weight of personal shame and uncertainty, and food (preparing it, eating it (often in a nonstop way when around stress like my mother), just being near it, planning it) gives me consistent relief. If fleeting. It is a safety, when all other people involved appearance involved things only aggravate the neuroticisms.

I am a healthy weight. I eat somewhat normally but fixate on what I eat. I try to choose the most healthy most satisfying thing every time I eat (so grocery stores are a blessing and a curse for those with me) but I do...well, eat.

I can't really say I have an eating disorder. But I have a food fixation, I think. It makes it hard to focus on anything else, to talk about or listen to...anything else. I don't know what I am, but I'm here. Anyone else?

---

I hate when the package says "about" some number of calories
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 110 | F | 👽]
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:52:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655lcv/i_hate_when_the_package_says_about_some_number_of/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 12 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:45:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655k27/summer_goals_day_12_checkin/
---
AGH I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY :( :( I made the post late and then was super flaky about responding to everyone (i.e. i didn't). Today the thread is up earlier and I promise I will actually respond <3 <3 <3

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤️

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[Rant/Rave] What is wrong with me?!
/u/Backtotheidk
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:21:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655f1w/what_is_wrong_with_me/
---
Okay, so I have a limit for myself of 800cals atm, and I'm never really over. Usually, I'm at 600-500cals so I should feel accomplished right? Wrong! I feel so bad eating anything! 60g of spinach, about 20cals? Still feel bad about it. I don't know what to do. Even when I'm for under my "goal" I feel bad and beat myself up over it. Anyone who can relate and have any tips for not hating yourself because u put q grape in your mouth?

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[Rant/Rave] Fat people selfies
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:17:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655eay/fat_people_selfies/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] visit going better than I thought
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655cqk/rantrave_visit_going_better_than_i_thought/
---
So I thought my boyfriend coming to visit would make the usual restriction and narrow dietary requirements difficult to maintain or justify. Like, most people would be mocking and dismissive.

But, he has been so wonderful and not commented on anything and I'm so relieved. I don't even feel like I have to justify my choices. We just grab lunch together and do our own thing food wise. So yay! Really happy.

---

[Rant/Rave] FUCK YOU EASTER!!
/u/chrissle_ [176cm|hw:106kg|cw:86kg|gw:53kg|F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:01:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655b8o/fuck_you_easter/
---
This is only time of year when it is socially acceptable to buy 5 full grocery bags of chocolate... AND YOU KNOW MY FAT ASS IS GOING TO CAVE AND EAT THE GUINNESS WORLD RECORD OF CONFECTIONARY EGGS CONSUMED IN ONE SITTING... Kill me

---

[Discussion] [Meta] Are we replacing the Sunday meme sticky?
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Thu Apr 13 07:01:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/655b6n/meta_are_we_replacing_the_sunday_meme_sticky/
---
Hey, probably aiming this at the mods, but now that we have r/proedmemes, has there been any talk about replacing that meme sticky post?

If it's still up in the air, what about something for all the weird ED moments we have but aren't worth an entire post? For instance, this morning I woke up early with the intent to get to work but I had to wait for 7am because I always weigh myself at 7am and the 5am reading seemed inaccurate (I was right!). I can't be the only one who has those kind of stupid small weird moments that make you both laugh at and sort of cringe about your own issues.

Anyway, just a thought. Back to your regularly scheduled posts :)

---

[Discussion] How often do you guys poop?
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Thu Apr 13 06:50:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6559a3/how_often_do_you_guys_poop/
---
When restricting, I go less than once a week. I've starting just trying to force it on Sunday mornings while I read the paper.

Left to my own devices it's usually every 10 days or so. Is this infrequent or normal?

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[Help] Why am I not losing?!
/u/ClaireFarron13
Created: Thu Apr 13 06:39:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65579x/why_am_i_not_losing/
---
Sorry, on mobile. Please flair "help".

I've been really really good all this week. Under 400 calories Saturday and Sunday, and under 200 a day Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

Here's what the weight looked like:
Sat:152
Mon:153
Tues:152
We'd:151
Today:151

But I had a massive BM yesterday, how is it possible?! I thought I'd be at least 1 pound lighter...

I'm 5'11, I do 30 mins of cardio daily... I should be loosing 3-4 pounds a week... What's wrong with me?!

I even grabbed my extra traveling scale today just to compare... Same result.

It can't be poop weight, it can't be water weight... I can't be basically maintaining like this...

Help!

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 13 06:07:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6551v2/weekly_emotional_support_april_13_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Rant/Rave] My clothes are fitting better! [Rant/Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 06:07:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6551ue/my_clothes_are_fitting_better_rantrave/
---
Like a year ago I bought the most beautiful skirt at top shop in a size 8. It was just a wee bit too small, like it would zip up but it was really pushing it with how comfortable I felt in it.

Was looking for work clothes this morning and lo and behold, happened upon this skirt, thought "meh I'll try it" and it fits PERFECTLY.

I don't know about anyone else but I've always found Topshop to run on the small side and so I feel really good today :)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 13, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 13 06:07:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6551u6/daily_food_diary_april_13_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Anyone else satisfied with their body, but not the stats?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| IDK | ♂ |🇩🇰]
Created: Thu Apr 13 05:58:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6550b4/anyone_else_satisfied_with_their_body_but_not_the/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6550b4/anyone_else_satisfied_with_their_body_but_not_the/

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[Rant/Rave] Rant/(Rave): Crisis Averted!
/u/Pans_Flabyrinth [5'5.75" | 106.2 | BMI: 17 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 05:49:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/654ywp/rantrave_crisis_averted/
---
This past week my husband and I attended a destination wedding. Knowing I was going to be spending an inordinate amount of time in a bathing suit in front of people, I restricted and worked out like crazy to try to slim down during the months before. Between February and last week I managed to drop from about 130 lbs to 111.2* lbs and was (while still not totally satisfied) very pleased with myself.

During the trip I was able to remain pretty fastidious about my food restriction. However, I drank pretty much from sun up until sun down. And not low calorie, responsible drinks. No. Fruity, sugary, frozen, juice filled alcoholic concoctions. As a result, the lack of hydration made me (please forgive the TMI) incredibly constipated. Then the travel home caused me to retain water and I bloated up.

By the time I made it home to weigh in, I was rightfully terrified of the result. Sure enough I had bounced back up to 116.8 lbs. I was devastated. I had hovered for so long bouncing between 113 and 111 and it had taken so much work to get there. I knew it would take me at least a week to fix it. Which was awful because the trip itself had only lasted five days.

To my surprise, once I got home and rehydrated, was able to go to the bathroom, and got back on a normal restriction (without the alcohol/sugar calories), I was able to drop back down to 112.8 in 2 days. Today I weighed in at 111.4. I can not express how thrilled I am.

I figure, the 5 days of increased intake acted as a kind of metabolism boost. This weight range is usually really arduous for me, but it's falling off. Despite all my worry and disappointment, those few days of weight gain have been the best thing that could have happened for my weight loss.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm just so, so happy right now and had no one else to share it with.

---

[Discussion] Tumblrs?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 47kg | 17.7 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Thu Apr 13 04:57:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/654r4q/tumblrs/
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~~I know we've had this thread before but it's like 2 weeks old so I thought it'd be better to make a new one~~ I recently made a tumblr account that's mainly thinspo/aesthetic and was wondering if anyone wants to follow one another? the community is so nice here so I'd like to see some of that on my tumblr dash as well. if anyone is interested my tumblr is mayathepsychic.tumblr.com <3

---

[Help] Purging & infected nails ?
/u/katerinavlaas
Created: Thu Apr 13 04:31:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/654nu9/purging_infected_nails/
---
Mobile can't flair

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[Thinspo] Emma Appleton Thinspo
/u/driftinglochawe [182cm | CW 83kg | GW 65kg | 23.8 | -3.5 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 13 03:43:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/654hov/emma_appleton_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/JgW16

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[Help] Has anyone here had any experience with duromine?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 13 03:17:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/654elg/has_anyone_here_had_any_experience_with_duromine/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I started ballet and its already changing my life
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | GW<115lbs | -60lbs | F24]
Created: Thu Apr 13 02:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65490d/i_started_ballet_and_its_already_changing_my_life/
---
Yes, despite losing 30 lbs over the past 2 months I'm still the fattest in the class maybe, but that is rapidly changing. I've been at this university since September last year, and I only just plucked up the courage to join the ballet club (which is free - huge incentive) last week :( I wish I'd joined up sooner because nothing has made me feel this determined or on track in years. My horrible posture is improving, I look taller (Was mildly annoyed that when I had my medical 2 weeks ago I clocked in at 169.9cm tall when my whole life I've thought I was 170, such a tease) and I know this is a shallow reason, but ballet clothes are so pretty, and they'll look better on me the thinner I get. Also classes are 2 hours and that is decent calories burned. All of this accumulating into being somewhat triggering the ED into overdrive mode, but I like it. This is a boring post to most people I guess, just wanted to rave about something for once.

TLDR I started ballet and am now triggered af but I love it

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[Help] Anyone who has successfully used a spreadsheet to calculate TDEE - how long did it take for an accurate result?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Thu Apr 13 01:23:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/654170/anyone_who_has_successfully_used_a_spreadsheet_to/
---
I'm talking about one like [this](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Wzy0iPe9C3uPJN5-ATAiJTlmXjsksl7_7ymaignO1a0/edit#gid=1208668553).

I found this googledoc on fatlogic subreddit, and now I have a scale to weigh every day, I decided to try it out. I've always wanted to calculate my TDEE this way.

It says in the thread featuring it that it takes a while of input to get an accurate result, but I am concerned about mine - it just keeps getting higher, and I don't know why. At first it was 'OO YAY!' and now it's gotten so much higher, and I'm all 'Yeah no, that's ridiculous'. It's only been 4 days, but my TDEE currently reads 2950, lol. I'm a 5ft female and my exercise isn't THAT intense, so big fat no on a 3000 TDEE. If only, right!

I'm worried though because I might not be able to use it over the weekend with my SO here.. I can log my calories for Saturday, as he only arrives in the evening then and I can pre-count the dinner I have with him.. but Sunday, Easter day, I have no idea what will happen with cals. And he's here all day - He knows about my 'eating issues' and will bring me up about any weight/eating/counting behaviours around him, as he also knows I'm due in treatment sometime soon, waiting for the appointment date. So I won't be able to weigh myself that day, or log my cals as I go, plus I am pretty much a billion percent sure he will bring me chocolate for Easter - and I can't resist that often at the best of times, *let alone* when it's a gift from my SO (being a gift from him is like 'permission').

But I'll just have to deal with that I guess... my question is - How long does it take to get an accurate result using this thing?

---

[Rant/Rave] Fian-saint at it again with the miracle burgers, and dressing room tragedy becomes a victory!
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Apr 13 00:21:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653tfl/fiansaint_at_it_again_with_the_miracle_burgers/
---
So, first of all I'm now at 113.6 as of 3 days ago, my lowest weight ever so far, I'm just too afraid to update my flair. I'm on my period ATM, so I'm hoping once the bloating goes down and I take a dump I'll be closer to 110. I've been sick and fasting so IDK. I wouldn't be surprised to see 115 back on the scale when I weigh-in tomorrow, nor would I be surprised by 110. I have no idea, I'm so messed up but that's another story.

ANYWAY, as I said, it's that time of the month AND I have a sinus infection, AND that whole thing with my MIL losing her shit on me the other day has spiraled into me not getting out of bed for like, 5 days. When I'm sick/crampy, I feel too tired to exercise, but that makes me get nervous and restrict more, which makes me both tireder AND makes it harder to get over an infection. So it's just a downward spiral of starvation and zero energy every time I get sick. People will offer to make/bring me some food, but I can't trust them to not drown it in butter, or I'm afraid if I tell them what I want to eat (my weirdo safe foods) they'll be like, WTF. So yeah, I just lie there dying.

Fiancé has noticed it and being the fucking saint that he is, the past few nights he's been like, "we're having [x] for dinner - if you tell me what you want the calorie limit to be, I will weigh it out and make sure it absolutely does not exceed however much you tell me."

So after 3 days of fasting and being dehydrated and too sick to move but too scared to eat, I allowed him to weigh me some of the chicken/pasta/broccoli Blue Apron meal we had last night. I was skeptical at first - I don't trust calorie counts, I sure as SHIT don't trust other people prepping/weighing my food for me.

But he brought me the most perfect little portion of that chicken/pasta/broccoli. Light on the pasta, heavy on the broccoli "cause I know that's how you like it." He weighed each thing separately, calculated the calories, and even made it 25 calories less "to leave room for error." It was so filling and delicious and not guilt-inducing. I ate, and cried, and felt okay for the first time in weeks.

Tonight he did the same with a burger since I hadn't eaten all day again. Toasted the bun without butter, no egg yolk or breadcrumbs, no cheese, no glazed mushrooms, just some ketchup and like 3 potato wedges. Weighed it all before and after cooking and cut down the bun with a knife until it was just the right amount. I cry-ate AGAIN while he rubbed my back.

Fuck, I'm so lucky. I love him so much. I feel like any other guy would be yelling at me for not wanting to break a 3-day fast with a GIANT meal, or yelling at me for not eating, or whatever. But Matt's not like that. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what's bothering me before I do sometimes, and he knows just how to fix it. I hope he knows how much these perfect little 300-350cal meals he's been making for me have meant. I'm crying typing this like you guys I was too sick to get up so he weighed my fucking food for me so I could eat I am sobbing I just can't I love him so, so much.

In other news, we were at Walmart the other day and since all my clothes are hanging off me, he told me to pick out a couple of these tank tops that were on sale. I bought some last year in a size M and they were tight but I've lost weight so they're loose now and I wanted to get some more in a smaller size. Except when I got in the dressing room, I looked HORRIBLE in the small. I couldn't even get it on without hearing seams pop. I was crying and wanted to leave without getting anything but Matt convinced me to just say 'fuck it' and I grabbed them in size M, wondering how the fuck it was possible that I'd lost 30lbs and apparently gained 2 dress sizes.

Guys. GUYS. They're *JUNIOR'S* MEDIUMS. I'm an IDIOT. I was shopping in the juniors section and didn't even notice, I am SO relieved. When I lay them out next to the ones from last year, they're much smaller and overall just more narrow, built for someone without womanly curves - a teenager.

GUYS I FIT IN TEENAGER SIZES AGAIN. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIT IN THE JUNIOR'S SECTION SINCE I WAS LIKE 11! I CANNOT FUCKING EVENNNNN. THEY COME IN SUCH CUTE COLORS AFEDSHDFGHJ.

RIP me. I have died of happiness. Serve Halo Top at my funeral, y'all.

---

[Help] Advice
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | 70 | BMI | 5kg | Female]
Created: Thu Apr 13 00:20:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653t9d/advice/
---
Hey guys, I was just wondering if anyone had any methods to control the urge to binge??? When my anxiety gets bad my head just screams that it's hungry no matter how much I eat. But binging is the only thing that stops me wanting to self harm???

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I'm so tired of losing and gaining the same 10 lbs through cycles of restricting and binging. Would anyone want to be my accountability buddy?
/u/NeedsMoreBeagle
Created: Wed Apr 12 23:15:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653kif/im_so_tired_of_losing_and_gaining_the_same_10_lbs/
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[removed]

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[Help] How do I start?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 23:08:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653jce/how_do_i_start/
---
[removed]

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[Other] [Other] I've had the song Weightless (Mi) stuck in my head for 3 days
/u/Latina_mia [5'2 | 133.8 | 25.35 | SW:164 | GW1:130 | -30.2lbs |20F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 23:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653ivg/other_ive_had_the_song_weightless_mi_stuck_in_my/
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I've been listening to it non-stop when I'm walking, studying, working out, etc. I know I shouldn't because then it triggers me half the the time, but it also motivates me, so I'll probably keep on it. Oh well.

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[Rant/Rave] I think my heavy weed habit is the only thing stopping me from becoming bulimic
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Wed Apr 12 22:56:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653hgc/i_think_my_heavy_weed_habit_is_the_only_thing/
---
I've tried to purge like 4 times in the past couple of weeks. I also as a general rule start smoking weed within an hour of waking up just to face my life. I'm pretty sure I can't purge because I'm almost always a little bit high, but especially right after eating a lot of food. I feel like I don't have binge eating disorder. I have smoking weed and binge eating disorder. I'm addicted to the whole process. Get as high as possible so I can enjoy as much food as possible being stuffed into my body. But I can't purge. I broke a shitload of capillaries in my face though.

Mostly I am grateful for this but specifically NOT right after a binge.

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How do you get out of binge cycles?
/u/cheesus_jrist
Created: Wed Apr 12 22:55:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653hc5/how_do_you_get_out_of_binge_cycles/
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Currently been on a binge cycle the past week or so, luckily with some exercise I've managed to maintain. I can't seem to stop eating though! Everyone keeps shoving food in my face and I feel like I have zero willpower. I just keep putting it off until the next day and it never happens. I feel gross and can't poop 😭. What works for you?

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[Discussion] (Discussion) Calorie estimate this meal if I swap the noodles for greens? I assume it's going to be a large restaurant sized bowl.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 22:08:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653a3u/discussion_calorie_estimate_this_meal_if_i_swap/
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https://i.redd.it/g8ccbmikw8ry.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] God damn it! Why do people keep making comments about how much I'm eating/how I look!?!!
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Wed Apr 12 21:39:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6535bu/god_damn_it_why_do_people_keep_making_comments/
---
STATS:

In case you're curious. I'm 5"2. I started at about 138? I had 2 vacations back to back and gained 5 pounds. On December 12th was when I started the weight loss. Right now I'm about 119.5. My current goal is 119. My next goal is 115. Ultimate goal 110.

STORY:

My company keeps having outings that are food related - restaurants & drinks. The outings consist of random people in the company. On one of the outings, I was in a group with a woman I'm (somewhat) friendly with. While 5 of us were eating she loudly asked if I ate my food because it looked like I didn't touch it. That was about a week ago. Over the weekend someone commented, and today 3? new people and 1 old person commented.

2. I was at a social event and one of the partners came to our table to chat. He was next to me and randomly asked if that was all I was having.

2. During the same fucking social event, someone else joked loudly that I was the biggest eater in the company. Which I thought was hilarious because I was smack in the middle of 3 freakishly obese people.

1. The guy that I'm kind of flirty with - over the company phone he told me that I looked really good.

3. The same fucking lady from last week said that I lost weight.

4. I attended a family bday party over the weekend and my cousin, who I see rarely, said that I looked good.


I keep telling people that it's stress... honestly I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what to tell myself either.


It makes me feel really uncomfortable when people make comments about my body. I really don't like the attention. At this stage is when I usually start gaining weight. I really don't want to be viewed as a sex object, because that is what I equate to when people tell me that I look good. Maybe I'm wrong? What does it mean when someone says that a woman looks good?

But it's weird that people think it's ok to tell someone that they lost weight, but don't think it's ok to tell someone they gained weight.

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[Discussion] PSA: plums are a gift of the poop God [discussion]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 173.8 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 21:15:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/653182/psa_plums_are_a_gift_of_the_poop_god_discussion/
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this seems quite obvious to me (my parents always told me plums help it get out, bananas help it stay in, lol), but I never see them mentionned when people complain about constipation on here, which is a frequent issue.

plums have been my life savior for constipation - I usually eat one or two every two days and I'm usually good to go the evening I ate them or the morning after. before that, i'd go like twice a week. plus, they're low cal., about 30 for one.

i feel a bit silly writing that bc I've always thought it was well-known that plums are great to relieve constipation, but as I never see it mentionned here, I thought this might help some people. maybe it only works for milder constipation, but it's really doing wonders with me. anyway. end of the poop talk

---

Why I didn't I listen to you all about Halo Top sooner?
/u/FasterFasting [5' 6" | 168 | BMI | M]
Created: Wed Apr 12 21:15:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65314b/why_i_didnt_i_listen_to_you_all_about_halo_top/
---
Like I can't even believe this stuff is real dude. I've obviously read the many positive reviews on here, but it's never been sold in a store near me until last week. I was totally going to buy a thing of brownies that would have been 1,500 calories or more until I noticed this and I can't imagine I'm ever going to eat another kind of dessert again.

---

I might be forced into the metal hospital again because my parents found out I chew and spit
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 21:05:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652zfp/i_might_be_forced_into_the_metal_hospital_again/
---
Most of the time I'm starving myself but sometimes I c/s. My parents have found evidence a few times over the last 6 months and I came home and my dad started yelling at me. Idk what to do. I told them I'm fine

---

I don't hate the way I look. I just know I need to lose weight for my health. And I'm doing it in an unhealthy way because I have no self control.
/u/jamaicanoproblem [F 5'4"|CW 207#|GW 140|HW 225.5|LW 127]
Created: Wed Apr 12 20:57:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652xwd/i_dont_hate_the_way_i_look_i_just_know_i_need_to/
---
Edit -I'm on mobile, not sure how to flair.

I see all this thinspo stuff and people wanting to look like something else, people feeling like their fat makes them ugly or unloveable. I could relate when I was a teen. But now...

I like me. I know I'm overweight/obese (always riding the line there) and I know I would look more attractive skinny but I don't think I'm that bad looking now. I don't think I need to look like someone else to be happy.

My obesity is fucking with my joints and exacerbating my early-onset arthritis (I'm 28). I know I need to lose weight in order to delay the destruction of my knees and ankles and back. I know I feel better when I weight a healthy amount.

But I suck at self control. I can't stick to a diet. I always fucking fail. I lose 40 pounds, gain 50 pounds, lose 50 pounds, gain 40 pounds. In just a couple of years. It's fucking madness. Why can't I just be consistent? Because I'm a lazy fuckup who can't take care of myself like an adult. I can't force myself to cook healthy meals or even remember to buy groceries. I eat boxes of cereal because I don't want to wash any pots and pans to cook. I don't eat all day and then binge on total crap at night when I run out of self control.

And on a "good" day I eat one granola bar all day and feel like maybe I belong but I come here and can't even relate to most of you who are already like twiggy-thin and obsessing over an inch or a pound or 10 calories. That's not me. Maybe I don't belong here either.

Sorry I guess I just needed to vent. Just ignore this.

---

[Discussion] "What took you so long?"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 20:52:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652x56/what_took_you_so_long/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] PROGRESS! I'm actually getting excited for summer.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 20:23:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652rrg/progress_im_actually_getting_excited_for_summer/
---
http://imgur.com/a/9yPaq

---

At what bmi does hair loss typically occur?
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 20:13:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652q1a/at_what_bmi_does_hair_loss_typically_occur/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm 99% sure my friends on myfitnesspal log things inaccurately so it looks like they're eating less than they are and for some reason it pisses me the hell off
/u/betterthrow [5'7" | CW 175 | GW 145? | BMI 27 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 19:51:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652lxs/im_99_sure_my_friends_on_myfitnesspal_log_things/
---
This is the pettiest fucking thing and I don't know why it bugs me so much.

But I have a couple myfitnesspal "friends" who have their food diaries open to be read and sometimes I look at them and they're SO OBVIOUSLY editing to fit in under their calories for the day.

Like one of them logged .9tbsp of hummus today. WTF?? There's no way you can measure exactly .9tbsp of anything. And she logged stir fry as "20.8 fluid ounces" which is also ridiculous. And she juuuuust so happened to be exactly 50 calories under her goal for the day.

Why does this drive me crazy, lol. (probably especially because I'm fasting today and all I can think about is food, but it has bugged me in the past too)

---

[Thinspo] Spring Thinspo (Male thinspo)
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Wed Apr 12 19:36:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652j1u/spring_thinspo_male_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/a/AQSwI

---

[Thinspo] Spring Thinspo
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Wed Apr 12 19:35:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652iwc/spring_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/a/siFnm

---

Can we talk about water weight?
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Wed Apr 12 19:19:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652fyq/can_we_talk_about_water_weight/
---
I started my own 90 day challenge with myself to stay under 500. I was & AM doing SO WELL, only to weigh myself today & I am TWO LBS HEAVIER.

I literally live off pickles & coat everything in hot sauce since I typically stay away from condiments so my sodium intake stays VERY HIGH.

Today, I only had ~50 calories until I got home from work and ate my dinner which was about 260.

Things like this are binge triggers. I'm never going to get through these 90 days if I binge every time it bloated so my question to you guys is:

How do I deal with water weight? How can I make it go away, aside from less salt and more water.... is there a faster solution??! 😒😔☹️😑😩

Thanks in advance, ily all so much
💜💜💜

---

[Rant/Rave] FUCK ME. I am SO CLOSE to my goal but the less I weigh the harder it is to get there. WHY.
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 99.4| BMI:19.4 l GW 90| -45 l]
Created: Wed Apr 12 19:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652fgh/fuck_me_i_am_so_close_to_my_goal_but_the_less_i/
---
Thanks to EDNOS (binge/restrict type) I have been 100-105 for MONTHS now. Every new low triggers a binge. I could have been way past my goal if I had never started binging again.

**WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF.**

Jesus the only thing that's keeping me on track is trying to be under 100 at the very least by my birthday. which is like, 2 weeks away. This should be doable!

But I know I will binge on my birthday and set myself back.

sigh.

Currently I'm at 102, wish me luck I guess. I'm going to need every bit of it.

---

[Help] [Help] Surefire way to break a plateau?
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 19:09:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/652e1i/help_surefire_way_to_break_a_plateau/
---
What it says on the tin. Need to bring in the big guns and not weigh myself again until I'm sure I've lost something. My mental health really depends on it :(

---

FINALLLY!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 18:33:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6527f7/finallly/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] (TMI) DUDE...how tf do I poop?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Wed Apr 12 18:33:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6527b7/tmi_dudehow_tf_do_i_poop/
---
I don't really take laxatives (never a stimulant lax, have taken MoM for real bad constipation reasons and not ED ones) and I'm not really interested in starting that cycle up, but I've had chronic constipation issues even outside of my anorexia which, naturally, have gotten worse as my restriction has carried on.

It's been.....over a week now? Which isn't at all unheard of but I'm all bloated and gross and have no idea what my "true weight" is bc of it which is really messing with my head and honestly I'm just ANNOYED.

I drink loads of water/tea, my intake mainly consists of primarily raw fruit and veg (not really intentionally as a ~clean eating~ thing, it's just easier to manage stress/effort wise lmao).

Short of biting the bullet and chugging this MoM (god, it tastes like pool water with the texture of cum, to be absolutely vulgar), what the heck can I do? I'm so backed up ):

I always post here after a caffeine overload and type way weirder than I do normally hahaha oops

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Eating makes me SO DEPRESSED.
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 18:28:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6526ea/rant_eating_makes_me_so_depressed/
---
I have been having a really hard time restricting/controlling myself, and generally the only bad thing about that would be the probable weight gain, but I've started to feel really, REALLY badly about myself when I eat? I genuinely feel like dying sometimes? I get so intensely depressed... I had 800 cal today and it is making me hate myself.

The only days I feel OK are when I've had like, 300 or less. It's hard getting close to that for me nowadays though. I'm struggling so much :(

Edit: also, a boy I really like keeps ghosting on me. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough and the urge to be self-destructive is a lot.

---

[Help] Binge eating or stress eating? :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 18:09:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6522i8/binge_eating_or_stress_eating/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] [discussion] Just ED things
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 18:04:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6521l6/discussion_just_ed_things/
---
Family dinner at a steak chain restaurant tonight. No way out of it. I have dinner picked out and already logged and I've had it logged for the last 8 hours ever since the restaurant was picked. Wish me luck and send good vibes. Hopefully no appetizers will be ordered or I'll just lose my mind lol

---

[Discussion] What's been your hardest and your easiest lifestyle changes? Give advice on your easiest one and maybe get help for the one you're struggling with! (x-post /r/loseit)
/u/BecomingJessica [23/F | 5'6" | Planet | -21lbs | UGW: 115lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 12 17:32:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/651vnd/whats_been_your_hardest_and_your_easiest/
---
I posted this on /r/loseit, too, but I thought it might be interesting here as well because the answers may be from a different perspective on here. Plus I love this community and always wanna be hearing from y'all <3

--

I just thought this could maybe be a cool idea! I'll start!

Personally, one of the easiest things for me that was once really difficult has been saying no to foods that are outside my food plan or overeating or binging. I wouldn't say I win 100% of the time, but it's close to about 90% now where it used to be like, 10%. This change basically happened when I started thinking of the part of me that wants to indulge that behaviour as just that; a separate part of me, one that is never satisfied, doesn't have my long-term goals in mind and doesn't really care about what's good for me. I basically consider it my inner bratty child now and when I can think of it that way it is SO much easier for me to ignore; because it's not ME that wants it, it's the SHITTY part of me. I sort of try to consider my food plan as "law" and the inner brat as an idiot criminal that doesn't care if it ends up in jail because it just wants the satisfaction of the thing NOW, it has no foresight at all. The shitty part of me can go to hell!

The hardest thing for me has definitely simply been consistency and patience; continuing to do the things I need to do consistently and remaining patient when I don't see much of a change is incredibly difficult for me. I try to set small mini goals, but I find it hard to give them much credit so I don't really know how to reprogram this in my head. I keep telling myself that I didn't get overweight and build such an unhealthy relationship with food overnight, so I can't expect to fix it that way either, but I find myself getting very frustrated. I think it's partly because I feel that even if I've been doing well for weeks diet-wise, my body doesn't portray that to anyone else because I'm still overweight, and I find that quite depressing. Maybe there's another way to build patience or just consistency with habits that I don't know about?

---

All I can fucking think about
/u/edgy-af
Created: Wed Apr 12 16:56:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/651ofn/all_i_can_fucking_think_about/
---
Food and self harm. That's all. My entire fucking brain right now. Take a bath, cut, eat chocolate, eat a bagel, eat sweets, always needing to eat. And why are some people naturally skinny? I've been fat my whole life. I have no idea how I'll look when/if I'm ever skinny. Or even a fucking normal weight. Why do some people just know how much to eat naturally? I wish I did. I want to wear crop tops and shorts and not be making a statement or being brave. I want to be normal. My stomach is so huge. I have no self control. I'm fat and gross and I can't do anything right. Fuck.

Sorry, on mobile, no flair. Rant.

---

chocolate mono - so crazy it just might work?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 16:36:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/651k7c/chocolate_mono_so_crazy_it_just_might_work/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] "Amy P." from A&E's Intervention
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Wed Apr 12 16:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/651k3m/amy_p_from_aes_intervention/
---
I'm sure you guys have seen her episode, but if not you can find it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNrXBHm4bcM).

**TL;DR:** She had the worst case of Bulimia I've ever personally seen. She went to treatment once, got better, and when she asked her family to help her celebrate her 1yr anniversary "clean" from b/p, they refused because they thought it was a dumb idea. She relapsed the next day, and her family basically kept her locked in the basement so she wouldn't steal their food and they didn't have to see her. It's a heartbreaking episode, and though she agrees to treatment, the notes at the end say that she ended up leaving and was staying on a friend's couch. This was in like, 2007/8, and I'll be honest, I was sure she'd die.

So I looked her up. She's not dead, she's still struggling but has totally committed to recovery and is trying hard every day, plus her family is helping her again, and it seems they finally figured out how to be supportive, thank god. Hey and her mother run NIED - an eating disorder awareness lobby in Ontario, Canada. You can find the website [here.](http://internationaleatingdisorderadvocacy.blogspot.com/2015/02/canada-nied-and-amys-story.html)

She also keeps a blog that she updates semi-regularly, if anyone is interested it's [here](https://myedreflectionscom.wordpress.com/). One of the entries is about her experience on the show. While she's grateful for recovery, she says she wishes she'd never done the show, because people still recognize her on the street which obviously doesn't help her anxiety/agoraphobia. She says they cherry-picked footage and re-cut sound bytes to make her come off as obnoxious as possible, and that she felt like they really exploited her illness for the show.

As a former addict (heroin) myself, I have mixed feelings about the show itself. On the one hand, yeah it helps people who can't afford treatment, but at the expense of their dignity. It's all about showing how awful and crazy and "out of control" they are and then there's about 2 mins at the end about their actual recovery. It's all "yaaaay see we fixed them!" until you see the fine-print at the end saying they relapsed/left treatment/OD'd immediately after filming ended.

If it focused more on the actual recovery aspect, I'd have a little more respect for the show. But as it is, I think they're taking advantage of very sick people who are too ill to properly consent. Then they recover and everyone only knows them for their very worst behavior, as they were portrayed on the show. I wish they'd focus more on the challenges of long-term recovery instead of celebrating the quick-fix of forcing someone into rehab under duress and patting themselves on the backs for it. Personally, I would literally be dead right now if that's how my family had approached recovery - all ultimatums, zero understanding, just treating you as a problem they wish they didn't have to solve. If they had then filmed me at my worst and aired it on national television while lying to me that it was a "documentary" to get me to agree to filming? Yeah, I'd have ~~probably~~ definitely killed myself by now.

There's a difference between agreeing to be in an obscure documentary that accurately portrays you, and being tricked into being filmed for what is essentially a glorified reality show with no other aim but to raise ratings by making you looks as crazy as possible. I'm glad Amy's okay, but I think the fact that she describes her time on the show as "one of the worst experiences of her life" is pretty telling.

Thoughts on Amy's episode, or the show in general?

---

[Meme/Humor] Girl I'm about to go on a date with: "Do you like eating pizza?"
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Wed Apr 12 15:55:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/651bcg/girl_im_about_to_go_on_a_date_with_do_you_like/
---
Depends, do you like having other people puke in your bathroom?

---

[Rant/Rave] I just binged.
/u/iamthedonquixote [5'5" | CW:115 | 19.1 | GW: 109 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 15:54:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/651az3/i_just_binged/
---
I'm so disappointed in myself.

I mean, to be fair, I didn't go extremely far over my TDEE. I probably didn't gain more than 1/2 a pound of fat, but I just feel so ashamed.

And to think, just today I was actually slightly happy with how thin my wrists were. Maybe I can fast tomorrow.

---

[Help] [Help] is this calorie count on this salad possible?!
/u/apricaught [5'3| back to 125 :(| -15 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 15:45:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65191s/help_is_this_calorie_count_on_this_salad_possible/
---
http://imgur.com/EDT4L5j

---

You have to try
/u/verakitty [5'4"|CW 108lbs |18.5 |-12lbs |GW 105 |UGW 99 |F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 15:25:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6514q2/you_have_to_try/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-baAmEoYKfs&feature=youtu.be&t=10m47s

---

[Discussion] Anorexia books/movies in French?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 15:18:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/65135l/anorexia_booksmovies_in_french/
---
I'm finally at a level in French, after several years of studying the language, where I can understand and enjoy stuff in French! Hallelujah! I bought Marya Hornbacher's *Wasted* in French, and I've only read about a chapter and a half but I love it already. I've read the original in English probably a dozen times, so it's sort of cool to see how certain things are translated/phrased in the French version.

Anyway, my question is this: do any of you know about any books (fictional or not), movies, etc. about anorexia (or other EDs) that are *originally* in French? Reading stuff about EDs written by American women is cool, since I'm American, too, but I think it would be interesting to see how EDs are possibly different in France (since they have a much different cultural attitude toward food/meals than Americans do).

**OR**, if you are French, would you mind sharing your thoughts on that subject?

---

[Other] Just sittin on the toilet...
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 15:06:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6510mo/just_sittin_on_the_toilet/
---
waiting for this girl to leave the bathroom so I can purge in peace lol.

I wish I knew of sneakier bathrooms on my campus

Edit: there are like 6 people in here now? someone is playing club music? the girl next to me is actually vomiting? I think I've entered an alternate universe?

---

[Other] dae feel like a failed disordered person?
/u/daeboo [5ft2/lmfao]
Created: Wed Apr 12 14:54:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/650xzy/dae_feel_like_a_failed_disordered_person/
---
Last night my mom mentioned the daughter of one of her friends ended up hospitalized for anorexia (not AN). Straight A student, top of class, high achiever. Apparently studied herself into the illness, as my mom put it, which wasn't unheard of in Asia.

And I'm a terrible person, but god damn. I couldn't help but feel like trash. Theres a certain level of motivation, discipline, unhealthy obsession needed for something like that.

I'm an unmotivated blob who binge eats her problems and throws up afterwards to cover up the guilt. I've offhandedly asked my mom once, how do you think I can eat so much and not be fat? Her response: "Aren't you fat though?"

People care about you if you starve and laugh at you if you binge eat. I know its wrong for me to glorify something like this, but at least that girl deserved concern and treatment.

I don't. I'm not going to die or anything, I'll still be here in years, eating, puking, resigned and stumbling my way through life.

Apologize for the rant.

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Apr 12 14:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/650v4f/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/kcvcsexwo6ry.jpg

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 11 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 13:41:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/650gxz/summer_goals_day_11_checkin/
---
Wow somehow 11 seems like so much longer than 10 days?? Sorry the thread's a bit late today!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤️

---

[Thinspo] Googled summer styles, accidentally stumbled onto Summer Goals
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 12 12:26:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zzuu/googled_summer_styles_accidentally_stumbled_onto/
---
Just. Everything about [this look](http://imgur.com/a/YrYpR). Sigh. That is all.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone have like pre binge or mid binge regret?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 12:02:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zue9/does_anyone_have_like_pre_binge_or_mid_binge/
---
Like sometimes I'll be really hungry or honestly even bored so I'll make a bunch of food and either before I eat it or like a few bites in I just feel so disgusted with myself. And then i continue to eat because I made the food and if I don't eat it now I certainly won't eat it later and then I just feel sick to my stomach for hours afterwards. Like on one hand I'm happy I recognized a binge before it got out of control but on the other hand it does me no good because I already made the food and I force myself to eat it anyway since I hate waste...

---

[Discussion] DAE feel like their face is becoming more "attractive" since they lost weight?
/u/glossierz
Created: Wed Apr 12 12:01:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zu07/dae_feel_like_their_face_is_becoming_more/
---
Compared to a few years ago, my eyes seem to have gotten "bigger"??(I know this is not physically possible, just looks like it)
And my chin area has definitely slimmed down.
My face has just improved overall :)

---

[Rant/Rave] not to blow things out of proportion but there's a cheesecake in front of me and i want to die
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Wed Apr 12 11:46:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zqmj/not_to_blow_things_out_of_proportion_but_theres_a/
---
my cp coach gave me a fucking cheesecake as an apology for missing a meeting we had a couple weeks ago god damnit. Its one of thos packages that has two slices in it too. so now its sitting right there infront of me as i try to do homework. What the hell is with people giving food as gifts/ apologies though??? even after i told him multiple times it was totally okay. and i can't just thorw it away bc that feels rude.
its so irritating because he gave me a fucking fork too so now im walking around campus with cheesecake looking like im ready to eat it at any minute. help

---

[Tip] 122 calorie Banana bread muffins
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Wed Apr 12 11:45:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zqcl/122_calorie_banana_bread_muffins/
---
Ingredients:
2 cups all purpose flour (880 cal)
1 tsp baking soda (virtually none)
1/4 tsp salt (none)
1/4th cup applesauce (20 cal)
1/2 cup 0 cal sweetener (must pour like sugar, not a liquid)
2 egg whites (30 cal)
~3 bananas* (293 cal)

*it's actually 330 grams of bananas, which was 3 bananas for me (sans peel). For the bananas you can use fresh, but make sure they're overripe. I prefer to use frozen bananas because I buy too many and cant eat them all before they get too ripe for me, so I throw them in the freezer and then when it gets crazy with bananas in there I make banana bread. Just soak the frozen bananas in hot water until the peels feel soft, but the banana inside is still semisolid. Rip off the banana-butt-nubbin and squeeze the banana from the top down like you're giving a shitty handy-J in the jack in the box parking lot until the banana comes out.

Directions:

- Preheat oven to 350, grease muffin tin
- Mash bananas until creamy consistency, some chunks are fine.
- Combine applesauce and egg whites with bananas
- Combine the rest of the ingredients in a separate bowl
- Slowly mix in the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients.
- Using a 1/4 measuring cup, portion out muffins into tin (should make about 10) Make sure you use a rubber spatula to scrape the bowl to get as much as you can because it's pretty exact.
- Fill any empty muffin slots with a small amount of water to help bake everything evenly. bake for 25-30 minutes.

Additions and substitutions:
- I wouldn't substitute much if you can help it, baking recipes can be finicky and if you tamper with them too much you'll get warm goo.
- You can add fruit or nuts or any other fillings to the muffins, just beware that it will add calories. Blueberries, walnuts, cream cheese, etc are all good additions.
- If you have no eggs, you can try adding another 1/4th cup of applesauce, but again I can't vouch for the results.
- These make pretty big muffins, you could easily cut one and half and save half for later, or make more muffins but smaller. The total recipe is about 1223 cal, so if you just divide that into however many portions you made (as long as they're even) you'll be set.

Edit: Formatting

---

[Rant/Rave] One Happy Day
/u/boxcar-gypsy [5'1| CW 97 | BMI 18.33 | GW 90 | 21F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 11:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zphc/one_happy_day/
---
Yesterday was the first day I have ever been happy about how my legs look. My shorts are huge on me and hide the fattest part of my thigh. It was the first time I've been able to wear them this year. Last time I wore them, my legs were sausaging out of them. Yesterday my legs looked skinny poking out of them! My self-esteem hasn't been so high since my ED developed! I took a picture hoping to capture that feeling.

I'm back to the normal routine of self-loathing today, but I just wanted to share the temporary victory. It was like a vacation from my own mind, and I hope each of you gets to feel that. We all deserve a break.

---

[Rant/Rave] My mouth is big and fat too..
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Wed Apr 12 11:34:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64znrn/my_mouth_is_big_and_fat_too/
---
PT at the gym: "Have a good easter!"

Me (not thinking, grumpy): "Yeah right I'll probably come back 2 stone heavier" *stomp off*

---

Kind lady at the health food store making convo: "mmm I love peanut butter, I could eat a whole jar of it I swear!"

Me (still not thinking): "I have done that *so many times*..."

Lady: ".... Oh?"

Me (STILL NOT THINKING): "Yeah you know that coconut almond butter I bought the other day? I ate that in one day"

Lady: ".... Well.. at least it's healthy fat?"

---

So yeah. No idea why I had no filter today, but I didn't. Sigh. I was in my own little world..

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] My calories for the last three days averaged to be 150 under TDEE, yet I GAINED weight!
/u/LittleBlueEyes [29F/5'1", LW80, HW156.6, SW150, CW126.0, BMI24.86, GW110/BMI21.7]
Created: Wed Apr 12 11:18:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zjxr/rant_my_calories_for_the_last_three_days_averaged/
---
On Monday I was under my TDEE by 300 calories. On Tuesday I was over by 160. Yesterday I went over by just 90. Averaging those together, and it still puts me at a total of 150 calories below TDEE for the last three days. At those numbers, I should have lost a tiny amount of weight, or at the very least maintained. Clearly my body doesn't recognize this fact, because I've gained 3.8 pounds in the last three days!

None of my food was high in sodium, either. I'm frustrated and discouraged!

---

[Help] Something wrong with my scale? Have been fasting 63 hours, scale has not dropped even half a pound.
/u/darthtaters
Created: Wed Apr 12 11:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zh8e/something_wrong_with_my_scale_have_been_fasting/
---
What could cause this? Usually when I fast I at least lose half a pound of food weight or something within the first 24 hours, but the number hasn't budged at all. When I weighed myself on Saturday, my scale said I was 126.2. I didn't believe it so I weighed myself 4 times, then moved the scale, weighed again and it still read 126.2. I even got dressed and stepped on the scale to see if the number would go up with clothing weight, and it did. It seemed accurate but too good to be true.

The next day, I got on the scale in the morning and the scale read 133.2, which seemed more likely than 126. Gaining 7 pounds in one night seems pretty unlikely given how little I have been eating, so I assumed the 126 from the day before was the scale being fucked up. But I do drink a LOT so I am unsure about this, so I thought maybe it could be bloating?

I started fasting on Sunday and it is now Wednesday and my scale still says I am 133.2, the same amount I weighed when I started my fast.

Do you think this is my scale or is my body just stubbornly holding onto my fat???? This is seriously bothering me.

Also: if it is my scale that is the issue, do you have any scale recommendations? I would prefer something at least somewhat affordable.

---

[Help] Stupid question?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 10:54:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64zeau/stupid_question/
---
I threw up at work this morning so I called and made a Dr appointment, on the phone she told me to bring any current meds I'm on. Does an appetite suppressant count? I could see that easily leading towards a conversation I'm not comfortable having. :(

---

[Help] HELP I have fallen into a carb/sugar cycle and I can't get out
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Wed Apr 12 10:36:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64za7a/help_i_have_fallen_into_a_carbsugar_cycle_and_i/
---
On Saturday, I went on a mini vacation to see a friend I hadn't seen in a long time and I partied really hard. I ate and drank a LOT, among other things, and I think it really threw me into a binge mode I can't get out of. I was doing fairly well restricting, but these past few days I have been craving carbs and simple sugars like crazy; on Monday I ate pancakes AND pizza. I'm up about 4 pounds from my lowest weight and I hate myself. How do I break this cycle?

Also, when I am completely sober, purging is pretty much not an option. I've been emetophobic since I was 13 and I've tried sober purging and I can barely do it.

---

[Discussion] Good, bad, funny, or sad: what has been your experience with weight loss products/supplements?
/u/SpidermanLovesYoda
Created: Wed Apr 12 09:59:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64z1mr/good_bad_funny_or_sad_what_has_been_your/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Night binging/stuck in this dumb plateau
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 08:50:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ym5t/night_bingingstuck_in_this_dumb_plateau/
---
Anyone have any suggestions for getting out of the restrict all day/mini-binge at night cycle? I'm so miserable and have been stuck at 120-122 for a fucking month.

I am slowllllyyy losing inches so I think I may be changing my body composition because I'm working out every day but if I don't see the scale consistently go down soon I'm going to break.

I'm stacking with 24mg ephedrine and 200mg caffeine once a day but maybe I should take another dose later in the day? I work a bunch though and my sleep means a lot to me haha so I don't want to be wired at night.

I just don't know how to get out of this snacking mode at night. What's worse is I usually end up purging and that needs to stop like yesterday. I already have enough damage from years of purging and am terrified of doing more. Any advice would be seriously appreciated.

---

[Help] Clueless on where to start building summer wardrobe..
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 12 08:38:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64yje7/clueless_on_where_to_start_building_summer/
---
Hey guys! Legit question - what are some must haves for female summer clothes? Like, what do women wear poolside if they aren't inclined to wear a bikini? I see stuff like one-piece swimwear but that doesn't seem like something you would just casually lounge in and I just assume that even if (when???) I hit goal this summer I won't want to be THAT naked.

Sorry for such a strange question. I have successfully avoided these summer antics my entire life and I'm too embarrassed to ask my friends IRL. I don't really have many summer clothes at all and I'll be in the desert in August so..yeah. Help? lol

Any store recommendations for summer gear in general are welcome as well!

---

[Help] [Question] Is it possible for the scales to continuously show weight gain because of water weight?
/u/vuuv95 [5'4 | CW: 108 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 08:35:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64yixv/question_is_it_possible_for_the_scales_to/
---
So I've been consistently bping for the last four years even then prior to then I was pretty intermittent with restricting etc. I've discovered thanks to this sub that I've probably hit a plateau but I feel like my increased water intake to encourage my digestive system has made the scales go up from water as I don't 'see' weight gain much anywhere else? Is that possible?

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] I cannot handle fucking anything without resorting to trashing my body.
/u/chaoticclare [5'1.5 | HW:155 | CW: ? | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Apr 12 08:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64yih6/rant_i_cannot_handle_fucking_anything_without/
---
My boyfriend and I broke up for good last week. Before we broke up, I was running 6-10 miles regularly, eating at a reasonable deficit and generally being a functional and productive human being. Well, since last Tuesday I have barely moved out of my bed except to make or buy food and/or chain smoke spliffs. I've watched two seasons of adventure time and eaten my way through two jars of pb, two pints of ice cream, cookies, crackers, pizza....just anything I could think of. I hate how I "cope" with shit. I feel pathetic. My throat feels like sandpaper and it feels like there is gunk in my chest. I am bloated, my skin is pulled tight. I feel lonely. I fucking miss him and I hate myself for ruining everything because of how weak and damaged I am as a person. I push people away. People do not want to spend time with me after getting to know me because, guess what? There is no "me" to get to know. I am my disorder which is what enslaves me. I am my depression which cripples me. I am my anxiety which silences me. "I" am a shell of a person. I am not interesting, passionate or intelligent. I don't give a fuck about myself and don't want anyone else to either because I don't deserve it and they deserve more than whatever the fuck I have to offer.

I am not doing okay.

---

[Help] EC stacking and nausea...
/u/KallianLavellan
Created: Wed Apr 12 08:28:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64yhbt/ec_stacking_and_nausea/
---
I have been stacking on and off for over a year now.

It's gotten to the point my body knows how I react (anxious) to the pills and I end up gagging and getting nauseated after taking them.

How can I prevent this? I want to stop taking them eventually but binging is still a problem and bleh.

---

[Discussion] I emotionally ate a box of buttered crackers. Seeking advice.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 07:32:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64y5it/i_emotionally_ate_a_box_of_buttered_crackers/
---
I. HATE. MYSELF. The whole box was 1134 cals and my intake for the day was just under 500 so that out me at 1599. And I just had a horrid binge Saturday. I have TWO WEEKS to get to 92 lbs. I can't do this is I keep crying into boxes of food. Fuck this binge restrict cycle. Do any of yall log parts of your binge into the next day to kinda do damage control? I logged half the box as an "evening snack" (LMFAO) and the oher half as breakfast for today.

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 12 06:09:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64xqe8/way_to_go_wednesday_april_12_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for April 12, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 12, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 12 06:09:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64xqdh/daily_food_diary_april_12_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Wed Apr 12 06:08:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64xq8n/rant_boyfriend_doesnt_want_me_to_lose_weight/
---
I told my boyfriend I want to lose weight. Not that I have an ED but that I want to lose weight. It's really hard to lose weight because he always feeds me junk food which is why I'm 10 pounds heavier and a size bigger than when we met. I told him I only want to lose 10 pounds to be back to the weight I was when we got together (110) and he said he was fine with it but then it turns out he was super upset. He says he likes me with "a little extra weight" and it "gives him more to grab." I don't want to lose weight if he'll stop being attracted to me. I don't know anymore ugh.

---

[Other] Find out how much you would weigh on other planets!
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Wed Apr 12 05:29:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64xjy0/find_out_how_much_you_would_weigh_on_other_planets/
---
https://www.exploratorium.edu/ronh/weight/

Clicky clicky! ^^^

I had a giggle over it being Uranus that gave my 'healthy' goal weight (weight low enough for me to feel kind of ok and still maintain some health, even if not ultimately low enough for me).

Like.. Guys, I'd feel alright about my body right now.. if only I lived on Uranus <3 winkwink

None of them gave me my current UGW though.

Also I swear I look like I live on the sun lol.

ok anyway there you go enjoy! :D

---

[Rant/Rave] Beach weekend and freaking out.
/u/miraclecoffee [5"4 | CW 115 | 20 lost | GW 100]
Created: Wed Apr 12 04:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64xb6n/beach_weekend_and_freaking_out/
---
Rant/Rave (on mobile)

So I have to go to the beach this weekend for my sister bachelorette party. I don't want to go. They are all going clubbing. I used to be an alcoholic so I don't drink. Plus, I would end up fatter from the drinks. So I plan on sitting on the beach while they do that. Alone. I used to be 108 pounds and binged a few months and gained some to 115. So I feel fucking fat. All of her bridesmaids are so skinny. One girl even tries to eat more cause she can't gain weight. I feel like a whale compared to them. I'm stuck in a binge cycle and CANT STOP. I hate myself so much. I even got a one piece bathing suit to hide my stomach. But my stupid thighs will show. I hate them. I want small legs again. I plan on losing all the weight for the actual wedding. But I'm scared of the beach weekend. I'll just obsess over my weight the whole time. Anyway I can lose water weight by Friday??? That may help. Thanks to everyone in the sub for support.

---

[Thinspo] Tamara Taylor aka Dr. Camille Saroyan from Bones
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Wed Apr 12 03:49:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64x6dm/tamara_taylor_aka_dr_camille_saroyan_from_bones/
---
http://imgur.com/a/bjdgp

---

[Rant/Rave] So just got.. shamed? At the airport by a stranger for having an iced coffee for breakfast and it is fucking w my head
/u/advicewelcome2 [5"4 | CW 201.8 | LW 110 | HW 208 | GW 108 | 25 F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 03:48:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64x695/so_just_got_shamed_at_the_airport_by_a_stranger/
---
So it's super early and my wife and I are at the airport waiting for our flight. My wife goes and gets us an iced coffee and then comes back with it. We are sitting there chatting and this guy comes up and says "ha, healthy breakfast, ha" while holding a coffee himself from the same place.

Like.. I get that it was weird small talk but now I'm like, well for fucks sake. Plus my in-laws were asking me how much I weigh now and telling me how they are like feathers and then starting arguing amongst themselves, "I am skinnier than you" "no I am" "Nuh uh, heres my stats" which was both motivating and kind of troubling as they are super short and super skinny. My wife took a picture of me and my mil and I looked like a freaking giant, fat, monster thing.

Ugh just had to share.

---

[Rant/Rave] Fucking anatomy
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | CW:56.6 | GW: 54 | 20.8 | HW: 70 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 03:43:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64x5i4/fucking_anatomy/
---
I really don't understand why I'm built the way I am.

My hip bones literally look like they're poking through my skin but I have such a big rib cage and I'll never be able to be as fragile and delicate as I want to be because of this fucking rib cage.

---

[Discussion] Low calorie options when you want to stuff your face?
/u/Newthrowyaccount [5'2 | CW: 120 | CGW: 115 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 02:45:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64wyxk/low_calorie_options_when_you_want_to_stuff_your/
---
I've been trying not to binge but sometimes i just want to eat and eat and eat. Are there any foods that will take me a long time to eat or are super high volume for low calories?

---

[Rant/Rave] Fuck the scale
/u/faunafauna
Created: Wed Apr 12 00:59:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64wmhc/fuck_the_scale/
---
So I weigh myself for the first time in ages, thinking I'm around the 55 / 56 kg mark. It shows 53kg. I'm happy. Live is good.

I weigh myself again today, one day after I last weighed myself, and it says 51kg. Fuck this shit.

Time to get a new scale. 😢

---

[Rant/Rave] I just weighed myself for the first time in ages
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 12 00:44:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64wkow/i_just_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_ages/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Being asian and having an ED
/u/smileyslimey [5'4.5|105|18|GW:95|F]
Created: Wed Apr 12 00:29:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64wiw3/rantrave_being_asian_and_having_an_ed/
---
Upsides:

- naturally smaller frame so you can be smaller
- nobody will ever assume that you have a restrictive ED because "all asian girls are so naturally skinny!" and mental illnesses are reserved for white people
- you can get away with being much thinner/at a lower weight and still look "normal"

Downsides:

- nobody is concerned because being skinny is considered normal for Asians
- if you are overweight or have a bigger frame, people think there is something wrong with you
- you have to be at a very low weight to look THIN and see your bones

I'm only half asian but I look very asian lol. Sometimes I wish people would worry about me - but even when I say I'm trying to lose weight they chalk it up to "vain, obsessive asian girl tries to lose weight, their beauty standards are so crazy lol".

---

[Discussion] Does anyone here know of any funny proED pages besides the meme subreddit
/u/sjjshshshs
Created: Tue Apr 11 23:47:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64wdcg/does_anyone_here_know_of_any_funny_proed_pages/
---
Humor is my best coming mechanism and I would like to have more humor in my life.
It could be tumblr blogs, Twitter accounts, whatever.
As long as it's funny

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm getting full faster!
/u/losingluna
Created: Tue Apr 11 23:29:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64wb09/im_getting_full_faster/
---
(On mobile, rave!)

I've never really lasted more than 2 weeks restricting, I always end up binging for like a good two months tbh. This times different, even if most days I end up over eating and ending up a 1200, I've been doing really good! I'm getting super full way faster. Last night my mom ordered pizza (sigh... I cried haha) and it only took one slice and a little garlic bread thing before my stomach felt like it was going to explode. I'm kind of happy because I guess I see it as progress, I've only lost 4lbs so far, but at least it's getting harder to eat as much. Yay!

---

These shorts made it look like i have a thigh gap, i fucking wish
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 23:15:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64w92g/these_shorts_made_it_look_like_i_have_a_thigh_gap/
---
https://i.redd.it/m21nhmek32ry.jpg

---

[Discussion] DAE find yourself doubting you're sick, WHILE doing fucked up ED behaviors?
/u/TinyTinyCleverCDR [156 cm | 50.8 kg | 21.73 | -7.7 kg | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 22:59:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64w6s6/dae_find_yourself_doubting_youre_sick_while_doing/
---
I have found myself thinking that my eating habits are normal and that I am faking this for attention, while bent over the toilet alone in my apartment.

yes brain i am totally trying to get attention by actively lying all the time and hiding everything whew you sure got me

---

[Rant/Rave] 900 jumping jacks
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Tue Apr 11 22:36:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64w394/900_jumping_jacks/
---
[removed]

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[Help] anything sad as a binge trigger??
/u/crapbeg
Created: Tue Apr 11 22:28:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64w21a/anything_sad_as_a_binge_trigger/
---
can anyone explain how to beat emotional eating/why it happens? it's so ridiculous - every single time something upsets me, i can't stop thinking about it until i eat. is there an explanation for this???

---

[Discussion] ..Bathroom stuff?...(flair: discussion/help)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:120 | gw:110 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 22:08:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vyuf/bathroom_stuffflair_discussionhelp/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] lol okay guess I'm just a weak fake
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:120lbs | BMI:19.4 | weight lost:18lb | gender:F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 21:22:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vrd7/lol_okay_guess_im_just_a_weak_fake/
---
I googled "safe amount of time to fast" (like I care about safety lol, just curious) and apparently a 3 day fast isn't out of the ordinary. This website made it sound like it was the easiest fucking thing on the goddamn planet. I can't get that ease back. I started eating too much and now my hunger is all wacked out again. I dunno. I just feel weak and disgusting. I'm going to try to fast for 3 days anyway.

---

[Help] First post, but I'm getting weaker everyday
/u/Amandapandaz1
Created: Tue Apr 11 21:04:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vo5m/first_post_but_im_getting_weaker_everyday/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Fucking really?
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 20:54:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vmgh/fucking_really/
---
I've been doing so good.

But I bought gummy vitamins instead of tablets. And ate the whole bottle because they were the only food I had and they feel like candy. Has to be my weirdest binge yet.

---

[Other] |Other| 87 calorie kabocha squash soup recipe
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |126.7| WL: 93.4 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Tue Apr 11 20:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vm6f/other_87_calorie_kabocha_squash_soup_recipe/
---
This soup is super creamy and hearty. I estimated high on the kabocha's calories since there were so many differing counts for it so it may be less than 87, but better safe than sorry!

Recipe ~ makes 4 servings
https://imgur.com/a/FS5ox

- Cut your squash in half and scoop out the innards and seed with a spoon. Heat it in the microwave for 1-2 minutes before slicing to make it a bit easier to cut through. Cut into thin slices and remove skin.

- Heat butter in a medium saucepan and add chopped onions. Cook until translucent and slightly soft. Add kabocha and continue to cook until they are not hard but not yet tender.

- Reduce heat to low and add broth. Let cook for 10-15 minutes, or until squash is completely tender.

- Using an immersion blender, purée until it reaches a smooth consistency. If you don't have one wait for the soup to cool a bit and then add to a normal blender or food processor.

- Put the now puréed mixture back into the pot, add milk, and bring to a boil over medium high heat, stirring constantly.

- Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve garnished with dry or fresh parsley ~

---

[Goal] What size waist can I realistically expect to achieve?
/u/littlestpiglet [5'2" | CW: 101.4 | 18.7 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 20:04:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vdkk/what_size_waist_can_i_realistically_expect_to/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Does anyone know what happened to Anonymous Brahette?
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 19:56:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64vbxu/does_anyone_know_what_happened_to_anonymous/
---
Sorry, I don't know where else to ask. All her videos have been taken down. Is she OK? Last I heard from her, she had gotten a Drake tattoo and was pursuing recovery.

She was a popular ED channel. She was suffering from bulimia and would regularly post binges and general rants - kind of like Recovery Flower/edxanon.
Flair as discussion

---

[Other] Co worker is losing [other]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 19:46:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64va69/co_worker_is_losing_other/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm crying in a fitting room
/u/onlyroom_forthin [5'6.5 | CW:158.6 | 25. 22 | SW:170 | UGW:120 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 19:46:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64va5e/im_crying_in_a_fitting_room/
---
I'm going on a trip this summer to do a research project and I'm super excited. I'm going for like 2 months. But the country I'm going to is much more conservative than the US, so I basically have to buy all new clothes. I haven't been shopping in at least a year, and when I do buy clothes I typically buy jeans and tops which are pretty safe as they hide all my fat. But I have to buy non denim cropped pants that cover my knees. Literally everything makes me look like a fat lard. I have a muffin top in everything. My ass and my thighs are fucking huge and I can't even get half these things on over my ass. I'm not trying to delude myself and squeeze into smaller sizes, but it seems like either nothing fits me or when it finally does its so big it's just baggy and gross. I have to buy tops that aren't fitted too and everything I try on hangs off my chest and makes me look about 6 months pregnant.

All I've eaten today is potato chips and twizzlers and I hate myself. I'm going back to 800 calories a day. I'm so over this. I hate everything.

---

[Rant/Rave] It's three in the fucking morning
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 19:06:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64v2ny/its_three_in_the_fucking_morning/
---
Y'all, I don't remember the last time I slept more than five hours. And like, that should be enough sleep, but I'm literally tearing apart. I cannot physically sleep for more than six hours. I'll keep waking up.

I feel like I'm gonna pass out during the day. Worst of all: This has made me so incredibly HANGRY the last couple of days. I'm also in a horrible depression/anxiety cycle and I just don't have the energy for anything anymore.

How the fuck does one sleep?

Tag as rant

---

[Goal] Let's share goal clothes!
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 18:31:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64uw6b/lets_share_goal_clothes/
---
They can be things you own but can't/don't wear, or things you've seen online, or things you've seen in the shops but haven't bought, or even just images of other people wearing the style you'd like to when you get to your goal or close to it.

[Here are mine.](https://m.imgur.com/Jp3fGLR,bHUXimf)

- The dress is a size xs, tight fitting (don't know if it counts as bodycon, I'm not good with fashion), no way do my love handles and pregnant-looking stomach look good in that right now. My boyfriend got it for me so I don't want to waste his money, plus I love it and would love to wear it in the summer.
- The shorts are a UK size 6 (US size 2, Europe size 34) and I intend to wear them as a summer pj set along with the top. At the moment I can only get them half way up my fat thighs...
- The top is a UK size 4 (US size 0, Europe size 32).

What are your goal clothes?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Graduation is Coming Up
/u/greatglowingcoilsoft [5'7/F/-25lb]
Created: Tue Apr 11 18:17:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64utc3/rantrave_graduation_is_coming_up/
---
My college graduation is five and a half weeks away. Three weeks ago my mom and her sisters decided we were all going to lose twenty-five pounds "to look good in pictures together."

I was videochatting with my mom today. She goes "Wow, you look like you've lost ten pounds already, what's your secret?"

I was upset because I've already lost twenty. I feel guilty for feeling upset, because twenty is still a good amount to lose, I guess. But I just thought "god damn all the shit I have been going through and only half of it shows?"

---

[Discussion] Smoothie Ideas/Recipes
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | ☣️ | -56 lb | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 18:07:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ura3/smoothie_ideasrecipes/
---
Does anyone have any good smoothie recipes? It's getting warmer so I'd like to make some healthy and low calorie smoothies. I've seen people use psyllium in theirs, but I'd like ideas. I love most fruit. Maybe you can include how much you normally put in?

---

[Rant/Rave] I am a BALLOON
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Tue Apr 11 18:06:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ur4q/i_am_a_balloon/
---
How the hell can someone's LEGS be bloating??? I was just so stressed about all my exams and assignments this week that today I broke a little & binged on nuts and raisins, which are usually pretty safe for me (I weigh half portions out very carefully & really enjoy them). But today I must have eaten at least a thousand calories worth of almonds and black raisins and dried cranberries, and I feel my legs bloating. If someone approached me with a needle, I'd probably burst.

Now the sun's gone down and I'm in bed in pain from eating so much, AND I have to continue studying for my exam tomorrow. I hate this & I feel disgusting but holy fuck those raisins taste amazing.

---

[Discussion] Fear of bloating
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 16:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ua28/fear_of_bloating/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] recovery is hard when you're alone
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 16:37:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64u9nu/recovery_is_hard_when_youre_alone/
---
My boyfriend finally explained how much it upset him that I eat virtually nothing for dinner so I made a concerted effort to eat more.

Now, when he is out for the evening I see even less reason to eat than before. Tonight I put some food on the grill and went for a shower and by the time I got out he had gone out unexpectedly. I just put everything in a box for tomorrow's lunch and had a decaf coffee and a cig.

Does anyone else have this? Like why eat if there's no-one to see it and praise you?

---

[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] My senior prom is next Saturday
/u/anonalie
Created: Tue Apr 11 16:34:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64u95j/rantrave_my_senior_prom_is_next_saturday/
---
NEXT fucking SATURDAY

AND I GAINED BACK EVERYTHING I LOST

FUCK ME WITH A CHAINSAW

Edit: forgot to mention I used to be on here as ITDIDNTHAPPENISWEA- as well as melindasordino. I'm back hi

---

[Thinspo] Teala Dunn
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Tue Apr 11 16:16:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64u57b/teala_dunn/
---
https://www.instagram.com/p/BO51k_lh3Gq/?hl=en

---

[Other] A video I figured I'd share. Got to me. "The Photo Everyone with an Eating Disorder Should See (WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGE)".
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 16:15:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64u50h/a_video_i_figured_id_share_got_to_me_the_photo/
---
https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=L4AYnWuf1K0&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DrZZu7oLPQOQ%26feature%3Dshare

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant - hanging out with dad. Ate so much. How much is in mozz sticks?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 16:03:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64u2fm/rant_hanging_out_with_dad_ate_so_much_how_much_is/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Step counters?
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Tue Apr 11 15:53:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64u0e5/step_counters/
---
Does anyone use step counters of any sort? I use the one on my phone which calculates the steps and calories I burned. I never really trusted the calories so I would just cut the calories it said I burned in half. This morning though I woke up and my screen said I had taken 8 steps, which I hadn't bc I had just woken up lol. So now I'm not sure if I can rely on it. Does anyone know maybe good apps or something?

---

[Help] Help - dating someone new, can't stay on track bc he pressures me to eat
/u/throwawayyayay14434 [5'6" | CW: 125 | 20.2 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 15:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64tyh0/help_dating_someone_new_cant_stay_on_track_bc_he/
---
I've been seeing someone recently and things have gotten pretty serious to the point where we see each other pretty much every days, which entails (most of the time) eating at least a meal or so together every day. This is totally fine, and I can usually budget it so that's like the only thing I eat the whole day in order to stay under my calorie goal, and he knows that I'm trying to lose weight/ "eat healthy." However, he'll always encourage, to the point of pressuring, me to eat more, try some of this, have another bite/ serving of that, etc. It's really frustrating bc I know I have the willpower to restrict well on my own, but I feel embarrassed to keep saying no when he's urging me to eat more so I cave and eat some. Since this happens so often, it results in me eating a lot more calories than I want for the day and always failing to restrict at my goal (which is like 600-700, totally doable if I'm alone).


We don't always eat out too, sometimes he'll bring snacks and wine and basically pressure me to drink. If I only want one glass, he'll insist I drink more. I don't know, he has good intentions because he doesn't really understand calories and he thinks I'm already skinny, but it's getting really frustrating. Any advice for what to say / how to deal without being rude or bitchy? Thanks!

---

[Other] Strangely Satisfying (mobile/flair: other)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:120 | gw:110 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 15:01:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64tp41/strangely_satisfying_mobileflair_other/
---
I work in a store, and ironically enough I'm the head of the food, non alcoholic department. So today the temptation to binge all day is pretty hard. I'm down stacking pallets of food literally ALL DAY.
Earlier, I was going to buy some chips and other horrible speciality foods to cram into my face for lunch, so I check my bank account and I'm overdrawn from paying for my Spotify subscription.

Ha it's funny because the fact that I'm overdrawn is saving my life right now. It's strangely satisfying to know that as bad as I want to buy crap tons of food today I couldn't even if I wanted to. Isn't it great how life works out sometimes? 😂 Wow

---

[Help] Vain & damaged question
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 14:46:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64tlko/vain_damaged_question/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Fuck summer.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 137.7| BMI: 23.18 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 13:39:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64t6dl/fuck_summer/
---
On mobile. Will flair later.
Rant!

None of my clothes fit from last year cause im a fat lard again. Every winter i seam to gain.

I look terrible in every swimsuit ive tried on and none from last year fit me.


I cant wait till fall cause ill be going back to school and living in the dorms this time instead of at home with my bf ( kind of messed up cause i love bein with him and hate the thought of living apart from him. ) so at least ill be able to restrict to my hearts content then. But right now its soo hard and i just want to sit on my porch enjoy the warmth, chain smoke, and stay there till im thin again.

Sorry if this was scatter brained. Im on break at work.

Life kinda sucks. I hate living where its not warm year round.

---

[Thinspo] Thanks for all the messages of concern. I'm alive. I've been going through some shit. But I'm okay. I'm back. ✨💕
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Apr 11 13:35:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64t5a5/thanks_for_all_the_messages_of_concern_im_alive/
---
https://i.redd.it/c6fh0u418zqy.jpg

---

[Thinspo] Good afternoon, have some thinspo 😘
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 13:20:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64t1rq/good_afternoon_have_some_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/a/l6uso

---

[Thinspo] Good afternoon, have some thinspo 😘
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 13:18:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64t1ew/good_afternoon_have_some_thinspo/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] I turn into a raging bitch when I restrict. Help
/u/sjjshshshs
Created: Tue Apr 11 13:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64szj6/i_turn_into_a_raging_bitch_when_i_restrict_help/
---
I'm currently restricting very hard cause I ate a big meal yesterday.
Even the smallest thing sets me off.
Do you guys have any tips?

---

[Rant/Rave] Just reminding everyone to remember how good they feel when they don't mess up!
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Tue Apr 11 12:07:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64sjz1/just_reminding_everyone_to_remember_how_good_they/
---
The feeling of guilt is just as bad as a physical pain, like a wound. Would you jump in front of a moving car? No! Why? Because it would hurt! Binging and over-eating WILL cause pain too, so why do we do it?

I always feel better after a day where I can lay in bed and not regret my day. Every time you want to gorge yourself just think of the feeling you had the last time you binged. And think of the feeling you had after a good day! Which one would you choose?

Little by little, day by day we are getting to where we want to be. Make good choices and have a good day! 💜

---

[Rant/Rave] Petite Rant (a rant about being petite, not a tiny rant)
/u/littlelumpi [5'1" | 148.6 | 28.1 | -42.4| F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 11:39:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64sd2m/petite_rant_a_rant_about_being_petite_not_a_tiny/
---
I fucking HATE being short. On one hand, I fantasize about being tiny, and I feel like my numbers are automatically smaller because I'm petite. For instance, My measurements sound good and look good on paper. I weigh the same as my super-model gorgeous neice (who is 5'8-ish), and I can fit in a size medium and sometimes a size small (thanks, vanity sizing). BUT!! Visibly, I'm still fat as fuck, and I've been reviewing my own body checks, r/progresspics and mybodygallery.com and have determined that at my height, I will most likely still look fat until I hit 100 lbs. It just sucks. My frame can't hold all this weight I've accumulated, and because I'm so short, the weight that I have lost so far isn't as motivating as I had hoped. 150 lbs was my GW1, and now it feels more like a SW for someone my height. I just don't wear my weight well and I really don't think this is a dysmorphic issue.




I know that progress is progress, and that I should "keep going, you'll get there!" Please forgive me for this impatient rant. I know that building muscle will help me look less fat, but gosh its just frustrating. I was going to the gym for a while, but I was advised by a YT personal trainer that if you're over weight you should tackle one thing at a time and lose a majority of the weight through diet and walking before you start "scuplting." I wish a few lbs loss would be more noticeable on a person like me, but so far only 2 people have noticed, and their comments were along the lines of "I see your progress, I've seen you eating home cooked lunches, and it looks like you've lost a little weight" or "you're doing so awesome! keep it up, you'll be a healthy weight in no time." These did feel good to hear, but both felt like "congrats on being half-way to REAL acheivement." The only person who constantly applauds my weight loss and acts like "wow you look SO GREAT!" is my sister. She's been so lovely about it, but unfortunately her words are meaningless to me because she's also obese so even at my highest weight she would be complimentary about my body (in comparison to hers? idk she's OK with her weight so I don't go there with her). She's my sister, she supports me and loves me no matter what and is generous with compliments. I LOVE that about her, but it all goes in one ear and out the other because she complimented me when I hated myself the most.




It's also incredibly frustrating that my 6' husband who is also on a "cut" doesn't get that I literally wont lose if i eat more than 1200, and if I eat more than 1000, I'll lose VERY SLOWLY. He's constantly encouraging me to fudge my diet. "This cookie is only 150 calories, you can have 1 without gaining weight." and just in general he doesn't fully comprehend my BED issues, so he'll buy stuff and say I know this isn't great for your diet, but I got this for me, so just don't eat it. That's all well and fine, and I do avoid that shit, until he's gotta work out of state so I have a weekend alone in the house with those FUCKING sweet chili doritos. Fuck. At his height, its easier to acheive a deficit and even fudge the numbers from time to time. I'm so small that every calorie counts.




Anyway, sorry. I just needed to get shit off my chest and take a quick sec to blame shift, because I know at the end of the day, I'm in charge of how I eat and I'm in control of what I weight. I guess I'm just getting a bit restless. Last weekend I binged and I haven't done that in forever. I feel like because I know where BED can take me, one binge feels like a huge deal and I am massively disappointed in myself for gaining a few lbs back and just for caving in to that behavior. Eating to the point of pain was a sadly familiar and miserable feeling. I'm very disappointed because I really thought I was past that.

---

[Intro] I don't know what to title this
/u/like_a_living_thing [5'4" | 110 | F | 👽]
Created: Tue Apr 11 11:04:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64s4vt/i_dont_know_what_to_title_this/
---
Hi proed, I have been lurking here for over a year and a half. I finally made an alt account. I've often had ED related thoughts that I wanted to commiserate about, but I don't have anyone in real life to talk to about my eating disorder, because I haven't told anyone. I think they might be able to tell, though. I'm glad there are people here to relate to.

Edit: I don't think I can flair, I'm on mobile right now. I can fix it once I get off work.

---

[Goal] Do you have one particular be all end all "goals" picture saved somewhere? Post it here. This one is mine:
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue Apr 11 10:56:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64s2rv/do_you_have_one_particular_be_all_end_all_goals/
---
http://ultimatedream.tumblr.com/image/151281565742

---

[Discussion] Women of r/proED, what are some ways guys started treating you differently after you lost weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 10:24:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64rvky/women_of_rproed_what_are_some_ways_guys_started/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Holiday plans
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | CW:56.6 | GW: 54 | 20.8 | HW: 70 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 10:20:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64rukm/holiday_plans/
---
Other people have projects and vacations, I'm just glad to have the time and energy to starve myself adequately.

Just a fun reflection on my great use of my holiday time

---

[Help] Tips to combat brain fog?
/u/strawberrysweeet [5'11 | CW: kms | UGW:130 | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 09:53:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64rob5/tips_to_combat_brain_fog/
---
I'm currently trying to work on school stuff and am having a hard time concentrating. Had some black tea this morning but that only really helped for about an hour. I'm thinking about starting ephedrine to get a good E/C stack but since I live in like the Meth capital of America I'm kind of embarrassed to go out and get Primatene/Bronchaid.

I'm tired of not being able to concentrate. Bleh.

---

[Help] What healthy things are you eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 09:47:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64rn05/what_healthy_things_are_you_eating/
---
Hello friends,

I've found myself in a bit of a food rut lately. I typically eat between 1k and 1200 calories but most of it is diet junk food like fiber one bars and sugar free jello. I tend to eat the same foods every day. Last time I was in a restriction period I ate pretty well- veggies, whole grains, lean proteins. What are some good meal and snack ideas that will help motivate me to at least reduce some of the damage I'm doing to myself?

---

[Tip] 80 cal brownie recipe!
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Tue Apr 11 09:23:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64rhmt/80_cal_brownie_recipe/
---
Ingredients:
- 3/4th cup plain greek yogurt (or regular yogurt) ~100cal
- 1/4th cup cashew/almond/skim milk ~6 cal (I used cashew)
- 1/2 cup cocoa powder ~160 cal
- 1/2 cup rolled oats ~150 cal
- 1/2 cup truvia/splenda (any low cal granulated sugar substitute)
- 1 egg (don't omit the yolk) ~90 cal
- pinch of salt
- 1 tsp basking powder

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400
1. Mix all ingredients in a bowl until combined
2. Throw it all into a blender or food processor until smooth
3. Pour into a greased 8x8 baking pan, and bake for 15 minutes

Substitutions:
- I found that the greek yogurt gave the brownies an almost sour after taste, so I'm going to try it with regular plain yogurt and see if that helps, they're still good, just a little weird towards the end.
- You may be able to substitute the egg for applesauce or a banana to reduce calories (will also try later today and post results) but I can't promise anything.

---

[Thinspo] I want my hair to be wider than my body [thinspo]
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:125 | 18.8 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 09:20:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64rgy3/i_want_my_hair_to_be_wider_than_my_body_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/io8kjzhhyxqy.jpg

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 10 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 09:09:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64recs/summer_goals_day_10_checkin/
---
Spring weather is finally here to stay where I live and it's making me so excited and motivated!!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

---

Im ready to turn my life around, but I need help with accountability.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 08:34:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64r6rh/im_ready_to_turn_my_life_around_but_i_need_help/
---
[removed]

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A April 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 11 06:08:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64qewz/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_april_11_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 11, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 11 06:08:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64qevx/daily_food_diary_april_11_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Help] Having heart problems...?
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Tue Apr 11 05:47:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64qbes/having_heart_problems/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Desperately need some encouragement :(
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 116.5 | GW ??]
Created: Tue Apr 11 05:03:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64q58q/desperately_need_some_encouragement/
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So I've been doing so well... then the weekend hit. I usually allow myself one day at maintenance or maybe even a bit over as a night out, and then even it out the next day with severe restriction.

BUT of course, I messed that up. I drank a lot of calories Saturday night, ate and drank a ton again on Sunday, and ate another ton last night at Passover. I'm up 2 lbs (and embarassed to even type that) and I feel AWFUL. Guilty, sad, angry, annoyed, and pathetic.

Getting back on track after binge days seems impossible. I could use some motivation that I can actually do this :( I need help to get back to being myself again.

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[Help] What is the lowest calorie starbucks drink I can get?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 04:25:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64q05g/what_is_the_lowest_calorie_starbucks_drink_i_can/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] I can't help but smile to myself
/u/Rikicarvu [5'8" | 115.6lbs | 17.32 | -23lbs |]
Created: Tue Apr 11 03:38:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64pu5h/i_cant_help_but_smile_to_myself/
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So my bf hs decided he wants to get fit and put on some muscle. He has bought a supplement bundle which includes pre-work out stuff, essentially EC stacking. He's telling me all about how bodybuilders use it to get pumped for their workout and how he's only going to take half doses for now because each recommended dose has as much caffeine as 20 coffees in it. I can't help but nod along and smile to myself, thinking "HAH I've known about this for years, *shit* I've been EC stacking for a year before ever meeting you!"

He knows nothing of my ED and my daily EC stack, but it does make me laugh. I'm wondering if I can start to loosen up a bit around him and let him slowly get a grasp on this totally secret part of my life.

I kind of feel guilty too though, I definitely don't want him to fall into the same situation as me, but I do kind of feel good at the though of not having to hide tracking my calories, taking a billion supplements every day, heck he might even motivate me to work out more!

Ah the tightrope between fitness and ED...

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[Intro] Returned intro
/u/FaithHopeTrick [5'7 | CW 145 GW 119 | 22.63 | -0lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 03:22:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ps74/returned_intro/
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Hi guys

Feel a bit sheepish being back here again, because I shouldn't have left. I left because I started Uni and I felt that I needed to recover. But of course 'recovery' just means that I ate everything in sight for a few months and gained about 25lbs.

I have distorted eating. I am not AN as I have never been underweight, but I have cycles of binging and restricting and I never find a middle ground. And like most of you I spend a good 98% of the day thinking about calories/food and thinspo

I have such a loss of control when I try to avoid restricting. I eat ALL the food. All the time. And I have reached the point where I can't take it and I need to be back in control. So here I am again.

30 year old female from UK. To start with I am going to aim for very high restriction, maybe 1200, and gradually get back to the 600 - 800 that worked for me last time.

Looking forward to being properly involved in the community again, missed you guys! Also last time i was here there wasn't a Proedmemes sub, hilarious :-)

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[Thinspo] Sweet Phoebe
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Tue Apr 11 03:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ps6v/sweet_phoebe/
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http://imgur.com/a/rt3bQ

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[Rant/Rave] There are 2 people in this world that encourage me to lose weight
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 03:20:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ps0t/there_are_2_people_in_this_world_that_encourage/
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[deleted]

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Sweet Phoebe
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 03:09:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64pqo3/sweet_phoebe/
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http://imgur.com/a/rt3bQ

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Sweet Phoebe
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 11 03:05:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64pq7e/sweet_phoebe/
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https://i.redd.it/ow0x2qyo3wqy.jpg

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[Discussion] A little observation - I am a much better person on ephedrine.
/u/notthinohno [161cm |Too Much | A Big Number | - Not Enough lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 11 02:11:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64pjxg/a_little_observation_i_am_a_much_better_person_on/
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I haven't been on here for a while, but something i've been thinking about today is that ephedrine makes everything better for me. I'm happy, calm, I feel able to do everyday things like tidying. I am also nicer to people, more open, and handle my children better.

It's like it just wipes the stress and negativity away - I feel lifted, my mind is clear, I feel optimistic.

Fuck, if I could just be prescribed a slight stimulant, my life would be so much better.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] excited, but...
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Tue Apr 11 02:03:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64pixd/rantrave_excited_but/
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So excited because my bf is coming to stay with me in the UK for a few days (long distance relationship, so...) but I've juuusssst started to settle into a low low carb, low cal routine which is really working for me on all fronts. Of course this entails eating the same (weird) things every day (cos a bag of celery is lunch, right?). I'm just worried that his normal eating habits will trigger me to be normal too (normal - god forbid!) or that he will be super judgy of my new routine. Anyway. There are large health benefits to going low carb with PCOS so it's not completely ED type behaviour.

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[Goal] Day 1
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 10 22:51:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64otpd/day_1/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Day 1, April 10.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 10 22:40:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64os2o/day_1_april_10/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Disordered eating and oral fixations
/u/lululights
Created: Mon Apr 10 21:06:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ocky/disordered_eating_and_oral_fixations/
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Obligatory on mobile, no flair: discussion/rant

I'd like to start with this: I have never been formally diagnosed with an eating disorder. However, I recognize that I have a very unhealthy relationship with food, frequently bouncing between restricting and binging.

That being said, onto my point!

I have THE WORST oral fixation. When I'm not smoking, I'm chewing my nails. When I'm not chewing my nails, I'm snacking. When I'm not snacking, I'm smoking. Something ALWAYS HAS TO BE GOING ON IN MY MOUTH. If it's not, I get hella anxious/uncomfortable.

Example: I was in a hot tub with the SO the other night. After successfully chewing off all of my nails and chain smoking far too many cigs, I asked if we could get out so I could snack on food (no food allowed in the hot tub) because I could not STAND my mouth being not-busy. I was really enjoying lounging around in the hot tub, but fuck me, having something in my mouth is more important.

I've also noticed that I eat more because of the oral fixation? I'll be totally satiated, not hungry in the slightest, and I'll munch on whatever is available because my mouth is bored. I constantly think about all the calories I'd save if not for the weirdness that is oral fixation.

Here's the kicker; I've decided to stop smoking. I'm so nervous that the times I use to smoke, will now be spent eating. How the hell can I avoid this? Anyone else suffer from an oral fixation? How would one go about overcoming it?

Anyways, sorry for the book. This issue has been on my mind a lot recently.

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[Thinspo] BLACKPINK: South Korean girl group aka my ultimate thinspo
/u/glossierz
Created: Mon Apr 10 21:02:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64obud/blackpink_south_korean_girl_group_aka_my_ultimate/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/3bb06fb74ee5436e8b968d91aa87e8d6?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=39e7c66c89f1ff660ba950dbcd9c9d3d

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[Thinspo] oh.. my.. GAHD [thinspo]
/u/Franny___Glass [5'8" | 116.4lb. | 17.70 | f]
Created: Mon Apr 10 20:29:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64o5xl/oh_my_gahd_thinspo/
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https://instagram.com/p/BSuBf5oDX9x/

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Please, please stay safe, because I love you guys. Purging is dangerous, k?
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 22F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 18:36:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64nkmi/please_please_stay_safe_because_i_love_you_guys/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZZu7oLPQOQ

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[Discussion] Bathing suits?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 17:48:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64nb2h/bathing_suits/
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What bathing suits make you guys feel okay about your bodies? Summer is coming up and I'm already stressing out about it.

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[Discussion] DAE struggle not weighing themselves every day? [discussion/rant]
/u/manicdysfunction [5'3| 109| 19.31| GW: 101|22F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 17:48:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64nb1i/dae_struggle_not_weighing_themselves_every_day/
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Like *rationally* I *know* that weight fluctuates a few pounds day by day, and during the day naturally. And I know that weighing yourself every day is bound to have some incorrect numbers due to these fluctuations.

But I can't fcking help myself? Like another part of me rationalizes it as, "okay but how do I know which way the weight has fluctuated? How do I know if it's water or a lack of bm? Or if I just ate way too much? I *need* to know"

It sucks and I told myself this morning I wouldn't weigh myself tomorrow and I'm already like, nah totally gotta weigh myself tomorrow morning and it's barely 8pm.

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[Other] Found a post on MPA of the 15 Types of People with Eating Disorders and it's hilarious.
/u/eldariya [6'4 | 136.2 | 15.5 | -130 | M]
Created: Mon Apr 10 17:30:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64n7i0/found_a_post_on_mpa_of_the_15_types_of_people/
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I first of all, don't really like MPA as it's a lil too broad for me and I prefer this cult (ha) but I found this post that I'm sure you will all love, on the 15 kinds of people with an ED.

1. The BINGE EATER – a.k.a. fast food-bouncer. Always comes out of the gas station with multiple bags of donuts/chocolate/coke. Probably hoarding food in their room. BUT they’re immensely private & would never dream of eating it in front of other people. When forced to eat with others, they become extremely uncomfortable & struggle with the concept of “normal” portions of food, which usually means they eat next to nothing when they’re not binging.

2. The EDNOS – the untraditional anorexic, who strayed just far enough to miss out on the diagnosis. Restricting, binging, purging, and laxatives are about as typical as breakfast. Well, or no breakfast. Which is probably what they’re having. They are consumed by the need to be validated, and are usually thin, but not extremely underweight. They are torn between wanting to have a normal life (attempt recovery), and wanting to get sick enough that they feel like they have a problem in the first place. They don’t realize how sick they are, and feel invisible to the world around them.

3. The ANOREXIC GUY - & why is there only one category for this? Though male EDs come in many different shapes and sizes, this is the guy who actually does qualify as anorexic & has managed to become emaciated out of proportion—WITHOUT ANYONE SAYING ANYTHING. Because HE’S A GUY. He has received many comments about his weight from others, but usually accompanied by “I wish I had a metabolism like that, you probably eat everything.” His issue, however serious, is relatively ignored & he likes it that way. He loves gum and has a treadmill in his basement.

4. The ROCKY – a.k.a. exercise-obsessed. Probably does HIIT. Has a gym membership at Planet Fitness/the Y/Mind-Body. Cycles, runs, swims, YOU NAME IT they “love” it. Tbh they actually want to die and hate exercise deep down, despite the “high” that it brings & the potential for weight loss. Have an amazing body, but don’t know when to stop & likely end up way to thin. No matter how loose their XXS workout gear gets, they keep going. Most people cheer them on for their dedication, which fuels their addiction even more.

5. The BREATHARIAN – a.k.a. is always fasting. No, but really, they’re ALWAYS fasting. They’ve tried all the “cleanses” under the sun (water cleanse, diet coke cleanse, diet dr. pepper cleanse…) & know the difference between those “Diet zero” drinks with 5 cals, and ones with actually 0. They know which sugar-free gums have 2.5 cals & chew a third of a stick when they’re struggling. But mainly, they just chug diet cola & make the best of a bad situation. They are slaves to the concept of water-weight and are positive they are “cleansing” their body…every time they…just don’t eat. Anything. At all. Anything.

6. The HOME ALONE – so they’re a bit of a home-body. So they’ve watched every Netflix episode of Orange is the New Black and American Horror Story and Once Upon a Time. So they know all the illegal websites with full seasons of Game of Thrones. It doesn’t mean they’re INTROVERTS. They get out. But tbh, they’d rather just curl up on the couch/their bed and binge-game or binge-watch to forget about how freaking HANGRY they are. Are often caught trolling on social media out of pure boredom. Unemployed and either living with their parents or off welfare, happily single for life & has maybe 2 friends. Their one thought (when they’re not playing Call of Duty World at War) is how long they can put off actually eating. Experts at procrastination, they’ve learned to use it as a weapon for weight loss.

7. The BARBIE – and if you know her, you hate her. If you don’t know her, you might be her. She’s the chick who would never admit to having a problem (however, obviously DOES have a problem) and manages to live her life semi-“normally” and even have lots of friends/become popular. She always has her hair and nails done and wakes up with a full face of makeup and flawless cat eyes. Most of the attention she gets, however, she attributes to her body. She is petrified of weight gain & survives on 5 almonds and a spinach salad. She has learned the power of diet energy drinks & passes as a hot girl with her life together. She’s the one who seems to have no interest in recovery. She’s in it for the power and the control she can have over her own life. Was probably abused/molested as a child.

8. The ALCOHOLIC – now with an eating disorder, this is an art. They have learned the art of locking up all the food (or just not having any in the house) and having available only a pre-calculated caloric amount of booze-of-choice (which is, fortunately, more than enough to stay insanely drunk all night long). When clubbing, they break the rules & just fast all day to make up for it. Which usually isn’t that hard, since they’re still in bed from the night before. Really great, warm-hearted people—just eating disordered & with a serious drinking problem.

9. The EMO – a.k.a. that kid at school. Starvation is somewhat romanticized for these guys, and they feel it makes them super-human. They love Anime & style themselves to suit. If you ask them if they’ve eaten, they probably can’t hear you, as they are definitely listening to My Chemical Romance through their earbuds. These guys are probably in need of loving friends, and their squad is loud/fun/quirky. Their depression is usually untreated & they’re “in a phase” by everyone else’s standards. Possibly self-harms. Will consider treatment.

10. The MANY OTHER PROBLEMS BESIDES – if this person were a movie, they’d be Silver Lining’s Playbook. They’re a little crazy, on top of having an eating disorder. This person thinks they lead a normal life & rejects the terrified responses they get from friends and family when making random jokes about suicide/mutilation/depression/murder. They can be bipolar, or it’s possible they just hate themselves 24-7 and like to joke about it. This is Shane Dawson’s past self in a nutshell.

11. The NEEDY RELATIONSHIP – no explanation necessary here. This person is way too reliant on their SO for validation and comfort, while giving almost none in return. They put their own emotional needs at the for-front of the relationship & expect SO to keep up. They are happy to talk about how bad they are/how little they’ve eaten today, but they absolutely refuse help. They seek attention and confirmation from others that they are, in fact, sick. This person is very sensitive and would never intentionally put too much expectation on another person; but they’re blinded by their preoccupation with their own flaws & feel like making a show of fixing them will result in the love and acceptance of others. They don’t mean to advertise their problems, but they’ve told their SO and about 17 other friends. They recognize the need for recovery, but they need the full support of others before an attempt to do so.

12. The FAT ANA – is their problem real? Are they just a wanna-be seeking a fake diagnosis? They doubt that they would count as having a valid eating disorder, & question whether their situation is really “that bad”. They starve themselves as a means of weight loss, but maintain an overweight bmi. They feel that it is just a diet, but in the back of their mind, they know they have a problem. The hardest part is the external praise they receive from others, which for them is affirmation to keep going until they’re “thin”. These guys can eat three lettuce leaves at a buffet and receive praise. They will likely never be recognized as having a problem in order to get the help they need.

13. The FOODIE – this person knows all the best Food Network shows & could easily watch them all freaking day long. They’re subscribed to about 50 million recipe channels on youtube & get high off of food blogs. They’re always talking about, making, or watching something to do with food. They probably have a notebook full of recipes that they fantasize about, but will never eat. These guys are stereotyped with making high-cal food for others & eating none of it. They’re confused by people who don’t share their enfoodthiasm (that is now a word…no questions asked) & don’t get how anybody could go a full day without visualizing their next meal. These guys are awesome friends because they’re ALWAYS making you things.

14. The VEGAN – so they had an eating disorder…and now they’re vegan. They choose to believe that life is good & they are in harmony with the universe. In reality, they still have restrictive tendency & are searching for a solution that will make them appear normal & make their food habits seem more socially acceptable. (If you’ve successfully transitioned to veganism & are no longer struggling with an eating disorder, kudos to you—I’m only referring here to people who still have a bad relationship with their eating & also happen to be vegan.) They probably also do yoga & are animal activists, but deep down, for them it’s still about all the food they now don’t have fake an excuse for turning down.

15. The JUNK-FOOD ANA – a day in the life: twizzlers, mints, diet drinks, ice cream (religiously measured out, of course. Duh). They’re unhealthy and they don’t care; they’re losing weight. They would never dream of eating a salad & don’t get the celery hype. They eat what other people might consider “fear foods”, but maintain restriction to a T. “A calorie is a calorie” is their life motto.

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[Discussion] Binge eating and body pain?
/u/desperate_housecat [5'2" | CW: 116 GW: 109 UGW: 99 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 16:00:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64mpab/binge_eating_and_body_pain/
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On mobile, please tag discussion!

Whenever I binge, I'm always really really sore the next day. Not just bloated- it's like an all over muscle soreness, and even my skin hurts. Does this happen to anyone else??

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[Rant/Rave] Just want to cry / feel hopeless [RANT/RAVE]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 15:59:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64moxy/just_want_to_cry_feel_hopeless_rantrave/
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My weight has gone up to 64kg from 62kg and I'm so upset with myself. I don't know why. Maybe I had a couple of miscalculated calorie days. Who the fuck knows? I'm just so depressed about the whole thing.

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[Rant/Rave] Hard to accept
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 110lb |F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 15:46:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64mmem/hard_to_accept/
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It's just so difficult to just come to the realization that no matter how much weight I lose, how much I restrict or abuse my body, I will simply never achieve the kind of body I want because it doesn't fit my body type or height.

I will never have a naturally a super small and narrow waist, long and slender legs with a long torso. I will never be tall, statuesque, willowy and perfect how I want to be.

It's...hard to accept. Wish accepting it would take the ED away at least, but nothing is ever so easy, huh.

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone else in the south?
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Mon Apr 10 15:25:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64mi0x/anyone_else_in_the_south/
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I just moved to Mississippi from California, and I'm dying here. No wonder Mississippi is the fattest fucking state. Every restaurants (even chains) menu lacks the nutritional information on it, the only grocery stores in my whole town is Wal-Mart (one Winn-Dixie a decent ways away, but still technically in town) I've seen ONE gym since I got here, and the gym in my apartment complex (a nice apartment, too, not cheap) has a single treadmill, one multipurpose weight machine, and three TVs.

Every small or local food place is something fried, no vegan options, few vegetarian options, and absolutely no calories listed on any menu anywhere. Even olive garden! (good thing I have most of the menu memorized ._.)

I'm going to die here.

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[Rant/Rave] Ex boyfriend being triggering af
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: way too much | gw1: 101 | 20f]
Created: Mon Apr 10 15:06:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64mdrs/ex_boyfriend_being_triggering_af/
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So, I've posted quite a lot about him on here. Quick rundown of our background: were together 2 years, I broke up with him in November due to my relapse, have been trying to get him back since February. He's fucked me around quite a bit since then, but we're working towards it. Part of his requirements for us getting back together is me attempting to "recover" (I'm not, just doing it a bit healthier than before)

Fast forward to today, he tells me he's going to start a 56 hour fast tonight. Obvs I go wtf. I tell him I'd join in with him, that it could be nice to do it together. And I do mean that, but also part of me (the healthy part maybe?) is like what the actual fuck?!? He KNOWS I have horrible eating issues and he thinks it's okay to tell me how he's going to fast 56 hours then only eat fruit and soy milk for two days. I just... it's hard. Part of me is excited we could do it together, another part of me is PISSED that he would dare say that while simultaneously getting incredibly angry at me if I even mention anything about food. Also he ended up being incredibly rude to me today and for the moment I'm not talking to him. So now I want to binge!! Yay right?!

Idk, it's just incredibly frustrating. Also he keeps sending me pics of this skinny bitch on Instagram even though I've told him doing that triggers me. It's like if he requires me getting "better" to be back together then why does he keep doing shit like this?!

Anyways, sorry for the rant my head is all over the place right now. Thanks if anyone read this far!

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What "fat logic" have you encountered irl lately?
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Mon Apr 10 14:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64mafu/discussion_what_fat_logic_have_you_encountered/
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So i'm super aware of food right now because i've been restricting and I need to vent about my boss and assistant's diets/fat logic.

My boss and coworker (both overweight/obese). My boss so far has eaten a cinnamon roll and a full fat large latte today, went to a local coffee place and got a sandwich, a brownie, and another latte. This meal alone is like 1200 calories rough estimate and the woman is trying to lose weight.
I try not to be ~weird~ about food and say anything because I know I'm crazy and kinda bitchy but like. It stuns me that people who are trying to lose weight just decide on what calories do any never research anything.

Some highlighted quotes:

"isn't a meal supposed to be 800-1200 calories? anything less is just considered a snack?"

"well yes this is 500 calories but its better then 800 calories of just sugar because humans shouldn't eat that much sugar"


So misery loves company tell me about "fat logic" or just dumb shit people be saying to you

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5 weeks to lose some - recommendations?
/u/ProEDThrowaway54321
Created: Mon Apr 10 14:40:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64m7vb/5_weeks_to_lose_some_recommendations/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Guys. Right now sucks.
/u/hypotheticalfox [5'7"🔹CW:130lb🔹GW:120lb🔹UGW:115lb🔹BMI:20.29🔹F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 14:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64m310/guys_right_now_sucks/
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Me this morning: better weigh my pb2 and banana so I don't gain ahhh

Me now: let me shovel peanut butter from the jar on a knife straight into my mouth

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[Thinspo] Lily Collins
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Mon Apr 10 13:45:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64lvjc/lily_collins/
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http://imgur.com/a/pF2ib

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[Goal] Fasting again
/u/bonedust_pale [5'1"|GW 95|-60.4.8|F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 13:15:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64lohk/fasting_again/
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So Orthodox Easter is this Sunday, so i told my husband and co-workers that I'm fasting this week. (I will still take multivitamins in the morning). I have a ton of tea ready and for once people are leaving me alone. I almost want to find a religion that forces fasting a lot just to have an excuse.

I really hope to lose a lot. Sick of feeling like a fatfuck failure. I've been at the same number since January. I just want to look good in flowy spring clothes. I want to wear color to work without being super self conscious about my hips and belly.

Any tips to last a week are welcome. I haven't done more than 3 days fast in a long while.

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[Help] Need help on how to train for a hiking and trekking trip in Ecuador
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | UGW: dead | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 12:49:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64lijc/need_help_on_how_to_train_for_a_hiking_and/
---
So, a group of friends and I are planning on taking a trip to Ecuador, that will involve a lot of physical activity. Hiking has always been one of my favorite things to do, but I have taken a break since my ED has progressed me rock bottom. For the past month I have purged every meal. and although I love the weight lost, my physical activity has been pretty limited. I usually try to run 3 miles a day, but at this point, I can only manage a brisk walk.

The trip is not until mid-July, but i know I need to begin training now. I know training involves me eating more, without purging, but right now the very idea is causing me panic attacks. Last night I struggled with purging, and almost checked myself into a psych ward because how it affected my mental health.

I was hoping that someone could give me some pointers on how best to progress, or will this just be some sort of pipe dream.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone here use hula hooping as an exercise
/u/glossierz
Created: Mon Apr 10 12:42:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64lh1d/does_anyone_here_use_hula_hooping_as_an_exercise/
---
I heard that hula hooping can help give you a thinner waist and lose weight.
Does anyone have experience with using hula hoops?

---

[Rant/Rave] EC stacks make me sleepy, apparently
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 12:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ldtf/ec_stacks_make_me_sleepy_apparently/
---
After getting my first (and last ever holyfuckingjesuskillme) laxative experience out of the way this weekend, I decided to try an EC stack for the first time today. I took 25mg bronkaid and drank two very large, very strong cups of coffee.

As if I needed further confirmation my brain chemistry is totally fucked, I feel so calm right now. Mellow and sleepy and a bit euphoric, like a nice red wine buzz. My constant, crippling anxiety is gone and I feel at peace for the first time in ages.

Don't know wtf is wrong with me but I'm just gonna enjoy getting to feel like a person for once.

---

[Rant/Rave] Found a new problem area
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 10 11:57:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64l6ju/found_a_new_problem_area/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] Bizarre thinspo "quotes"
/u/strawberrysweeet [5'11 | CW: kms | UGW:130 | 19F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 11:49:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64l4ia/bizarre_thinspo_quotes/
---
I was looking through the tumblr thinspo tag while I was working out this morning to try to push myself to work out longer. I saw a post with some really nice thinspo but the quote/text under it was just...bizarre.

"I eat to live. I live to love. I love to starve. I starve to succeed, and I succeed at nothing until I become one with perfection."

Bitch what. I get that having an eating disorder can warp your mentality, because I mean I have one. But jesus christ on a cracker that's some next level delusional bullshit.

I feel like half the thinspo on tumblr has some dumb caption like that under it too. And it's like, man, that's nice and all but I literally do this because my mind is a mess and for some reason I equate calorie restriction and weight loss with control and I hate myself lol.

But anyways at least I was able to work out longer than I usually am able to today :)

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 9 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 11:40:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64l2kk/summer_goals_day_9_checkin/
---
Hello everyone <3 I'm sorry for being very flaky with these posts the last couple of days, but I'm back at my house and am renewed with energy and motivation!!! And I will be back to responding to everyone's comments on these posts from now on, I'm so sorry for missing a bunch over the last couple days D:

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve? ❤️

---

[Help] Tips to keep yourself from bingeing in highly triggering settings?
/u/edaltaccount
Created: Mon Apr 10 11:11:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64kw49/tips_to_keep_yourself_from_bingeing_in_highly/
---
Hi everyone, longtime lurker here... last night's events led me to finally post. Reached my goal bmi of 18.0 on Saturday morning (!), only to weigh in today EIGHT pounds heavier. The culprit (besides my fucked up brain) was my parents' house. It's the gathering place when extended family visits, and they arrived Saturday night. Everywhere you look, there is food out. Healthy food, unhealthy food, safe food, binge food, kids snacks, alcohol... everything. I went crazy over a 36 hour period. I ate until I thought I would vomit, waited until the nausea passed, and kept eating. Over and over. So much progress undone. I feel so worthless and gross.

I'm back on track today. As a binge eater, of course I can make up for this one lapse. The thing is, I am expected to go back to my parents' place tomorrow through Wednesday, and Friday through Sunday. I love my family, but I'm terrified to go back and undo even more progress. I feel like such an idiot... why do I binge every single time I am at that house? How hard would it be to behave like a normal human being who can control themselves around temptation?

Anyway, I'm sorry about the self-loathing and the unnecessary backstory. I was hoping some people here might be able to relate, and share some tips about navigating through triggering environments. Anyone have any weird tricks, mind games they play with themselves, anything like that? I'm feeling a little desperate.

Thanks in advance, and also thank you all for sharing your experiences here. I have no one I can talk to about my struggles/obsession with food and weight. Seeing that I'm not alone has meant so much to me, and the positive way you interact with each other is very uplifting to me on dark days.

---

[Discussion] Buying new clothes?
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Mon Apr 10 10:53:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64krui/buying_new_clothes/
---
For those of you who have financial restrictions and are still losing, how often do you buy new clothes?

I have a pretty limited budget, but I still can't stop myself from buying new clothes at my current size even though I plan on losing more weight. I just don't believe for a second that I'll actually lose the weight despite eating barely anything.

---

[Discussion] Clothes/Styles that look mainly look better on thinner women?
/u/glossierz
Created: Mon Apr 10 10:07:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64khmf/clothesstyles_that_look_mainly_look_better_on/
---
Jut genuinely curious on what you guys think are clothes/styles that mainly look good on thinner women.
Examples may be thigh highs or crop tops? Idk

---

[Thinspo] I feel like my own thinspo for the first time this morning! I wanna feel like this everyday...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 10 10:04:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64kh2r/i_feel_like_my_own_thinspo_for_the_first_time/
---
http://imgur.com/HDnJWi5

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant (low self esteem) (boyfriend issues)
/u/Hi_ilikerocks
Created: Mon Apr 10 10:03:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64kgnh/rant_low_self_esteem_boyfriend_issues/
---
I really just need to get this off my chest to a community that'll understand. Sorry no flair- I am on mobile.

I just discovered that my boyfriend added a VERY attractive woman that he doesn't know on Facebook. She's lives all the way across the country. He liked her profile picture with her perfect perky tits and flawless makeup. I haven't had the self confidence to even upload a selfie in almost two years...

I feel like trash, I'll never be her, I'll never be that kind of beautiful. Even after I get to my GW, I can never look like that for him, I have shit bone structure.

I guess I have a perfect reason not to eat today now, however. Motivation is still motivation, no matter how much it hurts.

---

[Rant/Rave] who was I kidding? maintenance is for people with SELF CONTROL.
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 09:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64kazc/who_was_i_kidding_maintenance_is_for_people_with/
---
Do you ever find yourself, if everything is "going right", feeling like you can "take a break" from your ED? Like, you still feel guilty and maybe count (but not religiously) but you indulge because, well, you deserve it. Maybe you try to convince yourself it's actually healthy, and that you're "taking care of yourself", but then... then my friends, if you are like me, you fucking looooooooose it.

Like, listen. Work was good, friends were good, I met this cool boy, I was going back to school, I felt in control in other areas of my life and so my grip on my ED thoughts relaxed. I tried for maintenance. I could maintain at 122 right? NOPE.

It alllllllll went to shit and I find myself incredibly anxious (my biggest trigger) and in my same old ED mindset but 6 pounds heavier and it's just............. why. Why did I try to be normal? I can't fucking maintain. I can't eat intuitively. In 2 months I gained 12 pounds. I've lost 6 in the last 8 days but dudes... I'm just so upset with myself.

also sry for no flair cuz mobile.

---

[Rant/Rave] Does diet soda break anyone else tf out?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 48kg | 19.5 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Mon Apr 10 09:09:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64k4v3/does_diet_soda_break_anyone_else_tf_out/
---
I recently started replacing meals with diet cherry and diet cokes (and just drinking them whenever I feel hungry or thirsty) and since then my skin has been looking terrible. I only usually get hormonal acne but its just popping up everywhere and I hate it. I want to cut it all out and just switch to water but diet coke is so much more filling and tastes 100 times better Q~Q

---

[Tip] Tip - electrolyte sources for people in the UK
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 119 | 17.90 | 31lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 10 08:44:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64jzsk/tip_electrolyte_sources_for_people_in_the_uk/
---
On mobile - should be flaired as tip. So I am fasting for the next few days after yesterday's fuck up, and have been feeling like absolute shit all day. Decided I needed to find some way of getting electrolytes, and headed to holland and barrats. I've had ppl recommend powerade zero to me before but I can't seem to find it in any UK shops. Anyway I ended up buying [these](http://imgur.com/ek6Zkqr) tablet things you dissolve in water. They are purportedly zero calories, I had one and holy shit do they work I actually feel alive again. £7 for 20 tablets so kinda pricey but idk they were so worth it for me lol.

---

[Discussion] My shopping list today - what's in your pantry?
/u/melcatx [Height 5'5" | CW 111.6 | BMI 18.6 | Weight Lost 16.4 lb]
Created: Mon Apr 10 08:30:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64jwm3/my_shopping_list_today_whats_in_your_pantry/
---
Hello friends <3 I am going to the market today, and was searching old posts on this sub for ideas. I noticed the last pantry mega thread is a year old - see [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/3iclmk/mega_thread_the_proed_pantry_share_your_favorite/?ref=search_posts).


Share your shopping lists and favorite safe foods to get from the market! Here is what I am buying today:


Avocado (obsessed with spreading 1/4 on a slice of toast)

35 calorie bread

Egg whites (love on my avocado toast)

Light almond milk

Strawberries & blueberries

Plain greek yogurt (I mix the fruit in and add cinnamon and Stevia!)

Lean Cuisine (I always buy the Chicken Alfredo ones, satisfies any junk food craving for me, I have at least 1 a week)

Apples (love to microwave slices with oats, almond milk, and cinnamon)

Walden Farms apple butter (so excited to try this)

Chicken breasts

Low calorie kettle corn

Sugar free jello

Sugar free popsicles

Coke Zero

Sugar free lemonade packets (to mix in water bottles)

Grapes (to freeze for snacks)


Let's hear what you all love to have in the house!

---

[Help] Stretch marks??!
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Mon Apr 10 07:53:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64jp32/stretch_marks/
---
Idk if this is help or discussion but I'm on mobile so I can't flair.

I haven't gained or lost a significant amount of weight in a short time (only +/- the same 2 or 3 kg) but I've noticed stretch marks on my bum and they're really bothering me!

I'm wondering is it cos I started doing more stretches and squats etc?

How do I get rid of them? Just moisturise?

---

[Discussion] What do I need to remember now that I have the ability to weigh myself often?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Apr 10 07:10:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64jh4o/what_do_i_need_to_remember_now_that_i_have_the/
---
Damn, having a good digital scale is proving to be a wild ride.

I weigh almost 2lbs more now than I did this morning.. all I did was drink diet coke and water. Quite a few pint glasses of each though (I get thirsty). I then peed and went to see if that took the scale down again any.. it did not. Surely that pee weighed SOMETHING?!

I also weigh 3 (or 5 now?) lbs more than I did Saturday morning, although I get that because I ate some different foods/a bit more on Sunday.

I know about water weight, food weight and all that stuff... but how often can this thing fluctuate?!

I love it already though. Not a healthy love, but it's a love.

I've downloaded Libra to track my average weight though, so that's a start.

---

[Help] HELP ME, IM FREAKING OUT!
/u/Backtotheidk
Created: Mon Apr 10 06:45:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64jcmm/help_me_im_freaking_out/
---
My boyfriend is coming to my place tomorrow and I have promised him that I'll make him beef because he really wanted that. That basically means that I also have to have that. So the beef is about 250cals, then comes side dishes like potatoes, veggies and the mushroom stew(this is honestly my biggest fear, it contains an insane amount of calories!!!). If I have all of it I'll probably have 800cal for just that one meal. I'm so stressed, what can I do to decrease the amount of cals in stuff and/or eat less without him noticing.

---

[Help] How many calories more do teenagers REALLY need?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| IDK | ♂ |🇩🇰]
Created: Mon Apr 10 06:28:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64j9uj/how_many_calories_more_do_teenagers_really_need/
---
Everything I could find on Google is really anecdotal and fat-logic like.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 10 06:10:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64j6vn/weekly_stats_update_april_10_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 10, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 10, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 10 06:09:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64j6ul/daily_food_diary_april_10_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] DAE count anything else with just calories?
/u/lunamoon1 [5'5 | 113.0 / 18.80 |-54 lbs |19f]
Created: Mon Apr 10 06:02:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64j5h2/dae_count_anything_else_with_just_calories/
---
for me, i count calories, carbs(i try and keep them as low as possible to for keto) and salt(big fear of water weight)

for me, fat has never been a big issue(even though i tend to stick to low fat things), same with sugars

just curious to know what are you fear macros(excluding calories of course) and why?

---

[Rant/Rave] [rave] he didn't run away in horror!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 10 03:02:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ihv3/rave_he_didnt_run_away_in_horror/
---
[removed]

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[Other] So I'm current writing a scientific review paper on ana
/u/ekkkooo
Created: Mon Apr 10 01:45:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64i9a5/so_im_current_writing_a_scientific_review_paper/
---
more specifically the neurobiology of eating disorders. its due in a couple hours and ive been working on it for days and im so stressed i just bp'd. aaaaand im back to writing now. i just thought this was kinda funny and just had to share with someone :)

---

[Thinspo] Opposite sex thinspo?
/u/meowskiis
Created: Sun Apr 9 23:28:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64hsio/opposite_sex_thinspo/
---
I was just curious, does anyone ever think of the opposite sex as thinspo? like, if they can be where I want to be, why can't I ?

---

[Tip] Safe foods at fast food restaurants
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sun Apr 9 23:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64hr6u/safe_foods_at_fast_food_restaurants/
---
I made myself a list of low calorie safe foods I can grab at fast food restaurants so that I know what to get when I have no choice but fast food. Might be helpful for others too? Feel free to add on if you have suggestions too :)


Taco Bell:
- side of black beans (80kcal) plus sauces (0-3kcal, optional; I use one pack of Diablo and one pack of Fire). This one's my favorite.
- crunchy beef Taco (170kcal).
- fresco soft Taco (170kcal for chicken, 160kcal for beef).
- fresco crunchy beef Taco (150kcal).


McDonald's:
- hash brown (150kcal) with ketchup (10kcal).
- apple slices (15kcal).
- kiddie cone (45kcal).
- fruit and maple Oatmeal (280kcal).
- side salad (20kcal, dressing extra).
- ranch snack wrap, grilled (270kcal).
- 4 McNuggets (190kcal). My favorite here.


Arby's:
- apple slices (35kcal).
- side salad (70kcal) light Italian dressing (25kcal). Favorite from here.
- Jr roast beef (210kcal).
- 2 potato cakes (230kcal).


KFC:
- corn on the cob (70kcal).
- apple sauce (60kcal).
- green beans (25kcal).
- side of mashed potatoes and gravy (120kcal) .
-drumstick (crispy: 160kcal, normal: 120kcal, grilled: 90kcal). I usually get the grilled.
- side salad (regular: 15kcal, caeser: 40kcal).


Jack in the box:
- blueberry muffin Oatmeal (204 without crumble, 249 with). Haven't been in forever but I love this stuff.
- side salad (21kcal) with lite vinaigrette (25kcal).
- beef Taco (190kcal).
- kid's grilled chicken strips (130kcal). Best lunch.


Subway:
- veggie Salad (60kcal).
- kid's black forest ham (180kcal) .
- kid's turkey (180kcal).
- kid's veggie delight (150kcal). Love this one.
- 3" egg white, bacon and cheese flatbread (190kcal).
- chicken noodle soup (100kcal). Most soups are under 200kcal actually.

---

[Help] Hypermetabolism / losing whilst eating 4000 cals?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 23:13:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64hqfg/hypermetabolism_losing_whilst_eating_4000_cals/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Setting a goal. Won't see my friends for 2 weeks. How much can I lose?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 22:40:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64hls0/setting_a_goal_wont_see_my_friends_for_2_weeks/
---
[deleted]

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Slow and steady routine or rapid weight loss?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 22:33:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64hkt3/slow_and_steady_routine_or_rapid_weight_loss/
---
[removed]

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[Help] For a friend.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 21:55:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64hf04/for_a_friend/
---
[deleted]

---

Supersize vs superskinny lies
/u/bizmo96
Created: Sun Apr 9 20:53:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64h4x1/supersize_vs_superskinny_lies/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Woohoo! Done with forced maintainence! [Rave]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Sun Apr 9 20:43:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64h38n/woohoo_done_with_forced_maintainence_rave/
---
I recently (for the last two months or so) had to stall my heavy restriction bc of prom, and needed to maintain to fit into my prom dress. Well prom was last night, and I think I looked great and had a ton of fun.

Today was the last day of my maintaince and it got kinda (very) bingey (blah) but it's chill, because I do feel good that I gave my body the nutrients it needed, at least for a little bit.

Anyways, for the next week I'm having 1000 cals a day, and 800 the next week, until I'm back to about 200/300 a day! I'm so ready! <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Just posting to hold myself accountable
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 19:57:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64gv0p/just_posting_to_hold_myself_accountable/
---
[removed]

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[Other] so I googled causes of bloating
/u/tinycashew [5'6.75" | 120.6 | 19.00 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 19:55:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64guqz/so_i_googled_causes_of_bloating/
---
because I've been looking hella pregnant all weekend. I know it's probably because my period is coming but it's seriously annoying to have been under TDEE for weeks and still look this fat.

Anyway, apart from sodium/retaining water and actual digestive issues here's what apparently causes bloating:

*drinking carbonated beverages

*drinking through a straw

*chewing gum

*artificial sweeteners

*sucking on hard candy

I'm reading this literally while drinking my third La Croix out of my favorite designated La Croix cup (with straw) with my sugar free gum and my sugar free Werther's sitting next to me.

Goodbye possibility of a flat stomach!! You can pry my low calorie oral fixations from my cold dead hands!!

---

[Other] Remember when we were all posting wrist pictures? I liked those.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 18:58:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64gkro/remember_when_we_were_all_posting_wrist_pictures/
---
http://imgur.com/jUIKAmb

---

[Intro] [intro] My first post here
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 119 | 19.8/20.3 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 18:31:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64gfxc/intro_my_first_post_here/
---
There have been countless times I've wanted to contribute on this sub and haven't been able to since people know my username. Finally decided to make a new account solely for this sub. This community is the one place I don't feel so alone in this struggle. I feel as though I can tell no one I'm close to even though I've struggled for over 5 years. The only people I've ever told are the counseling staff at my university but I only went to the first two meetings and stopped showing up. I just felt so uncomfortable/vulnerable saying all those things out loud when I haven't spoken about it, even once, in my life prior to then. It just felt too real and I didn't like how they almost...had pity for me. I just felt so weak and exposed. However, the past month I've successfully gotten back into the swing of restricting and I feel on top of the fucking world. Idk if it's the adrenaline but I've been exercising like Usain Bolt and eating like Paris Hilton and I feel the best I have in months. It feels great to be back. I'm just rambling now so I'll stop. Thanks for being the great community you have to me for the past couple months as I lurked :-)

---

[Discussion] Is it possible for someone to be physically incapable of purging or am I just a really big failure?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Sun Apr 9 17:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64g1m5/is_it_possible_for_someone_to_be_physically/
---
Can't flair mobile

I binged again. Even though I've been doing everything that​ worked for me to prevent binges in the past. Sorry for the gory details, but I just spent ages shoving a tooth brush down my throat to the point it started bleeding and nothing came up. Nothing to show for it but burst blood vessels around my eyes and lots of drool everywhere. I have NEVER been able to purge and I thought in the past I just wasn't motivated enough to but I really, really, really tried this time and...Nothing. I didn't even have any "hard to purge" foods.

This is NOT me asking for for tips. I'm just wondering if maybe some people literally can't make themselves puke???? Am I just cursed?

---

Too much water?
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 16:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fz2p/too_much_water/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 8 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 16:37:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fvb2/summer_goals_day_8_checkin/
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AHHHH I'm so sorry about how late this post is!!!!!!!! I'm at my parents house and have been too paranoid to open r/proED around them so I had to wait until they went out omg

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve? ❤

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] when you finally shit and it comes out like water (embrace dat pain)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 15:32:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fjfy/when_you_finally_shit_and_it_comes_out_like_water/
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http://i.imgur.com/g4IcfWv.png

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[Help] I'm never going to accomplish anything.
/u/anxious-wreck [179cm | 67kg | BMI 20.91 | -12.2kg | Male]
Created: Sun Apr 9 15:29:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fipq/im_never_going_to_accomplish_anything/
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I'm horrible at this, my anxieties are coming back and apparently so is my ED. I want to starve myself for days but I always end up eating so much, and then I obviously feel horrible and fat and disgusting and worthless and like I have no control over my life.

I don't want this mindset to come back 😣 but it's coming pretty strong. I always forbid myself to vomit after eating, yet I very often think about it but I know that if I do it once, I'll start doing it more and more and I'm so so so scared.

EDIT: Just weighed myself and I've gained 1kg, I'm a little sad tbh.

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[Rant/Rave] Wanna binge (flair: rant)
/u/LittleBlackHeart8 [5'7" | cw:120 | gw:110 | 19.7 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 15:22:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fhg2/wanna_binge_flair_rant/
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Ughhhhh I wanna binge out so bad. I want all the food but I ate so much yesterday and I'm still regretting it. I'm 117 and I don't wanna fuck it up but damn if I don't want to get into my car and hit up a couple restaurants right now. I'm not having a good day.... I hate myself and I hate everyone else too. I hate everything.

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[Other] [other] looking for friends who are into kpop or jpop?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 15:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fftn/other_looking_for_friends_who_are_into_kpop_or/
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[removed]

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I love how I can see my ribcage through the shirt..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 14:55:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64fccu/i_love_how_i_can_see_my_ribcage_through_the_shirt/
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https://i.redd.it/2sn1dyrhclqy.jpg

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[Other] Dinner tonight. No food today, car accident yesterday, so I'm self-medicating
/u/operadiva31 [5'6" | CW 212.4 lbs | 34.42 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 131 lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 9 14:29:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64f7f2/dinner_tonight_no_food_today_car_accident/
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https://i.redd.it/kkq6v1ay7lqy.jpg

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[Tip] Friendly reminder
/u/ashlynlollis
Created: Sun Apr 9 14:19:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64f5jd/friendly_reminder/
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An entire sleeve of saltines has 484 calories.

*This has been a PSA on self-loathing. Thank you for joining us.*

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[Help] Anyone use EC Stacks in the UK?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 48kg | 19.5 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Sun Apr 9 14:03:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64f2ds/anyone_use_ec_stacks_in_the_uk/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Planned to fast for 141 hours but only made it 93 hours because of wonderful salty chips.
/u/LittleBlueEyes [29F/5'1", LW80, HW156.6, SW150, CW126.0, BMI24.86, GW110/BMI21.7]
Created: Sun Apr 9 13:18:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64etdf/planned_to_fast_for_141_hours_but_only_made_it_93/
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I set out to fast for 141 hours until a planned meal of pizza on April 10th, but yesterday evening I would up eating 300 calories of delicious, salty tortilla chips at 7 pm, well before I'd reached my goal. And then I promptly cried, because 300 calories is a lot, I figured my weight would probably be higher today because of it, and I feel like being fat makes me a bad person who has no willpower. I was only able to fast for 93 hours, which was 66% of my actual goal.

I seriously hate this.

On the plus side, I still lost 0.8 pounds between yesterday morning and this morning, even after those 300 calories yesterday! That means a total of 5.6 pounds lost in five days.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] brother and his organic food
/u/61nk0
Created: Sun Apr 9 13:16:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64et0l/rant_brother_and_his_organic_food/
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recently i started spending more time at my mothers in order to take care of my doggur. my mom told me my brother started eating only organic food since ive been gone.

this kid says, 'MOM, if you ate organic youll never have to exercise!' my mom exercises 6 days a week and im astounded at her self motivation. she weighs less than i, im rather sure. im angry that my brother has the gumption to say such false things. organic food still has calories! you still have to count them! just because hes tall and thin doesnt mean its due to only organic food!

hes taking his side of the gene pool for granted, hes lucky he didnt get the short/fat tuscan/whatever genes i was stuck with. every extra calorie is instant extra fat on me. i just wish he wouldnt spout such lies to my mom, but im glad shes smarter than that and doesnt regurgitate it to others.

now i feel as if im being judged every time he is around. hes always called me fat and it hits me in waves from his very presence. if anything this is motivation to get even smaller. screw his diet, CICO is king.

anyway, whats some ridiculous food garbage youve been told by close family? how do you respond? my best course of action is to clam up :/

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[Rant/Rave] "You got skinny!"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 12:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64egll/you_got_skinny/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "You won't look right if you lose weight."
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 11:25:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64e79n/you_wont_look_right_if_you_lose_weight/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE get mad at their SO for eating fattening trigger foods without you?
/u/white__label
Created: Sun Apr 9 09:54:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64dq29/dae_get_mad_at_their_so_for_eating_fattening/
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Like when they are out with friends without you and they come home fat and happy and smelling like the (trigger) food you really want to be eating? It really annoys me and I know it shouldn't. They should be able to eat whatever they want, especially if I'm not there. If we go for a cheat meal together, that's fine. But without me? No. No no no no no.

Not sure if it is jealousy or resentment or what. But I get so angry! I can't be the only one?

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[Discussion] DAE switch between wanting to recover and wanting to starve like 5 times a day?
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 116.5 | GW ??]
Created: Sun Apr 9 09:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64dn1w/dae_switch_between_wanting_to_recover_and_wanting/
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Every single day, I have these thoughts where I say to myself, "Okay, from now on you can eat 1200 calories a day. You will still lose weight, there's no way you could gain actual fat, and you won't have all these crazy and painful symptoms." Then within an hour I'm back to promising myself I can fast all day the next day, and I feel SO much better.

This happens a couple times a day at least. I feel like half of me really wants to recover and the other half just makes me so happy by not allowing it. It's insane how quickly and often I go back and forth with my plans to eat better.

Does anyone else experience this?? How do you cope? It's exhausting :(

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[Thinspo] Just some shuffle girls thinspo :)
/u/Yelena_Del_Rey
Created: Sun Apr 9 07:54:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64d5zj/just_some_shuffle_girls_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/DyRVe

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[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] my summer clothes haven't made me cry yet this year
/u/agentcherrycola
Created: Sun Apr 9 07:50:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64d5e3/rave_my_summer_clothes_havent_made_me_cry_yet/
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It's been consistently above 15°C in the UK for the last few days so obviously that means it's now summer. I pulled out my shorts etc from last year to try on and... everything is so big? I seem to have dropped at least 1 dress size since last summer, and I'm going to have to buy new shorts because my old ones literally fall off me. It feels...strange. I don't think I've lost that much weight (maybe 10lbs??) but... I guess clothes don't lie. Today is going to be strange.

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[Discussion] Do you only judge your body or do you judge others bodies too?
/u/Popcornlightandzero [5'9 | 123 lbs | 18.2 | - 33 lbs | F | GW: 100 LBS]
Created: Sun Apr 9 07:21:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64d16t/do_you_only_judge_your_body_or_do_you_judge/
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Hello. I came across a comment that labeled this sub as toxic and the justification of that assumption was something along the lines that we bodyshame other people (most of us are too busy hating ourselves, I think) and mock and harass them. I don't remember ever seeing something like that here to be honest, but maybe I'm wrong. Basically that comment ended up with fashion and ED aren't compatible because fashion englobes lots of people and we disrespect them??? I still don't get it lol.

Well, going on, that comment made me think a lot. Do you judge the bodies of other people? Do you mock them? I can't remember reading something like that here! Do you only care about yourself? Or do you judge everyone's bodies, including yours, but the majority of the time your body looks the worst in your opinion (I'm guilty of this one!)?

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[Intro] I don't know if I should stop
/u/fatty937
Created: Sun Apr 9 06:56:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64cxqt/i_dont_know_if_i_should_stop/
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Breif intro I guess - I'm 16, i've lost 30lbs in the last 3 months, I eat 1000 calories a day and do an hour of cardio, and I like to put food in my mouth and chew but spit it out. Foods like chocolates, crisps, muffins go in but they don't go down. It feels good, like i'm beating the system, all the taste none/little calories.

http://eating-disorders.org.uk/chewing-and-spitting-food/

''One of our readers has asked me if there is such a thing as chewing and spitting disorder. There is no such thing. ''

This is not a dieting sub and I am not treating it as such, but as what i'm doing is not classed as an eating disorder (yet?) it seems ok right? I mean I wouldn't do it in public, and I haven't really told anybody, and I look sort of better.

My BMI is around 24, and I want to drop it further, plus once I have reached my goal I think I might continue, in order to avoid weight gain from junk foods. I think my basic goal is to try and look better so I can get back into sports and try and ask out someone in school (without being auto rejected for my size).

I'm not ready to stop, I have no idea how people can eat junk foods and stay slim? I think I found the right sub.

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[Other] for anyone out there having a meltdown right now
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Sun Apr 9 06:51:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64cx0h/for_anyone_out_there_having_a_meltdown_right_now/
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I've been binging (or eating like a normal person perhaps at around 2000kcal) for this past week. I was fasting before and following a very low cal diet, around 300kcal a day, so I was SURE I'd gain it all back. This morning I weighed myself and I ONLY GAINED 2 POUNDS WHICH IS POOP WEIGHT. So if there's anyone out there who's having a meltdown about binging and gaining, please cut yourself some slack! <3

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[Discussion] berries
/u/menonever [5'6" | CW: too high | UGW: 90lbs | M]
Created: Sun Apr 9 06:49:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64cwrx/berries/
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how do you guys feel about the less common berries? raspberries, blackberries and such?

Honestly, I just bought some frozen raspberries but... they're so sour. I don't remember them being so sour :( I feel like should have gotten some whipped cream to eat some with but the extra calories make it pointless. I love fruit though. Sigh.

You guys?

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[Rant/Rave] real or imagined jealousy from others hurts my feelings
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 06:46:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64cwff/real_or_imagined_jealousy_from_others_hurts_my/
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this is so fucked up because I usually feel like total ugly garbage but I also feel like a lot of people treat me weirdly because I am attractive/skinny? Can anyone relate?

I just really feel the need to say this even though it feels like talking about it means I think I am super hot but... Beyonce says I should feel ok about feeling like I do look good haha so IDK

Honestly, I feel like I have no idea how to do life properly.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 9 06:09:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64crt2/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Get your fix all week long at /r/ProEDmemes~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 09, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 9 06:08:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64crsi/daily_food_diary_april_09_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Shit shit shit, I'm such a dumbass. [Triggers, probably]
/u/withstrawberrygashes
Created: Sun Apr 9 04:27:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64cgt8/shit_shit_shit_im_such_a_dumbass_triggers_probably/
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I have been doing so well with restricting after a long period of B/P. For the past month or so I have been eating barely anything, I even managed to go out to dinner last night without exceeding my limit. And then tonight, of course, I screwed it all up with a horrible, pointless B/P session.

Idk what was wrong with me, I wasn't even hungry. I just found myself going to the supermarket like a robot, buying all this cake and junk, and then binging in my living room without any thought in my actions. I didn't even enjoy the food - it was disgusting, way too sweet. Of course, when I finally came to my senses in the middle of shoving a donut in my face....then the purging started. It wasn't one of those satisfying purges, it was hard and gross and even though I purged until I was dry-heaving I am still scared that I didn't get it all. I ended up throwing the rest of the binge food I bought into my vomit bag so that I wouldn't eat it.

And so here I am - my stomach hurts, my legs hurt like crazy for some weird reason, I wasted time and money and food, and I probably absorbed calories and fucked up my restriction streak. I could have avoided it all if I had just eaten some broccoli and gone to bed. I can feel myself nodding off into the post-purge coma as I write this, hopefully my heart will just stop working in my sleep and free me from all this. :\

Binging and Purging: Not Even Once.

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[Help] Shark week & appetite suppressants [Help]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 02:32:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64c5lg/shark_week_appetite_suppressants_help/
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Not sure if this is "cheating" or whatever but needs must 😅

So shark week is coming up (kill me now) and the week before I am RAVENOUS. I am on the old coke zero and willpower diet for most of it, but my fellow people with periods know how this can be. Like, kill a man hungry.

Anyway, I remember seeing Holland and Barrett had some appetite suppressants and they seem to have good reviews on the website. Have you guys had good experience with appetite suppressants? Especially round shark week?

I had my planned binge this weekend (planned as in I just accepted it was going to happen and am going to restrict heavily today and next week to make up for it) and it's going to be so much harder if I'm battling the bloody comrades as well.

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[Rant/Rave] Currently in hell. I just need a day at a deficit.
/u/Elope
Created: Sun Apr 9 01:47:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64c19l/currently_in_hell_i_just_need_a_day_at_a_deficit/
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Just one. I'll eat at maintenance tomorrow if I feel like I have to. But today I need a deficit. I just want to shake of the feeling of a surplus. It's like I'm covered in some invisible grime. Something disgusting is clinging to me and I just wanna tear it off. Binge eating has pretty much wrecked my life.

Just one good day and I'll have momentum. One good day once lead to two months of flawless restriction. One good fucking day is all I'm asking for here. I think I'm going to tell my friends I need time alone too. If I keep binging I *will* get fat. That just can't happen. My entire life has pretty much been taken over. So I really need this one good day.

Anyone else stuck in the worst rut ever?

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[Intro] Just so unsure how to feel. Anyone in the same boat here?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 9 01:01:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64bwm4/just_so_unsure_how_to_feel_anyone_in_the_same/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My night
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 9 00:44:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64busa/my_night/
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Went to the grocery store at midnight, drunk and high off my ass, and bought Ben and Jerry's, starburst jelly beans, and ex lax.

Woke up from my 2000 calorie binge and the tab open on my phone is a google search for "calories in 30g raspberries" lolol

So how was your night??

Edit: just ate more jelly beans to distract myself from the guilt and shame of having binged

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[Help] How do you do it?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 23:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64boji/how_do_you_do_it/
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[removed]

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[Other] eating disorders (and other mental disorders/illnesses) are just an eternal fight with yourself
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 22:46:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64bglc/eating_disorders_and_other_mental/
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you just get so busy trying to fight your disorder that you end up forgetting who is the bad guy. you become your disorder. it plagues your brain like nothing else. its a demon that gradually takes your body over, its a parasite and you're the host.
It starts by planting a seed in your head, a seed called self doubt. you start to question yourself, whether you're good enough, whether you're making the right decisions in life. "am i on the right path? am i really worth it to other people? am i even worth it to myself?"
the seed sprouts and turns into self hatred. "I'm not worth it. All i do in life is fail. I'm a disappointment. I'm disgusting"
You think all these things and all you want to do is change. You strive to be a productive member of society. You want to be good enough, you want to look good and make the people around you happy.
At this point you've been suffering, drowning in your own misery and self hatred. You see yourself and you cry; you look disgusting.
you fantasize just grabbing scissors and cutting all the fat off your belly, your thighs, your arms, your whole body.
you stop eating. You don't deserve food anyways.
your body starts wasting away, you become thin and tired, anytime you stand up fast you pass out. your family and friends are worried, they confront you and tell you how weak and tiny you've become. You don't see any of it, yes you are weak but you don't mind. you don't care. you still see the disgusting figure in the mirror, viciously mocking you.
At this point you're no longer fighting the disorder, you are the disorder. You want to be happy but every action you take makes you farther and farther from happiness.
...
...
but that's only what you think. you may hate yourself, but nobody else hates you. they don't see the monster you see in the mirror. you're far far far from disgusting, you are loved and the people in your life need you. keep up the fight, fight it as hard as you can and beat it before it takes you over.


Sorry for that, I just needed to vent I guess

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[Rant/Rave] Well fuck
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 22:03:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64baro/well_fuck/
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Today's sucked all around. This morning I went to upload a late selfie for Friday. Accidentally posted the unedited one to imgur. Full naked downstairs area. :O I deleted it once I figured it out, but I could see that it had one view. I'm still embarrassed. I work at a barn and today one of our furbabies slipped and fell- she's okay, but it's so nerve wracking. My boyfriend's back in town and I went and ate Mexican food with him. I ate so much that my stomach is huuuuge and hard as a rock. I was at a 500 calorie day before.. now I'm alternating between wanting to purge(which I haven't done in months) or wanting to cry. I'm going to be a fat cow forever because clearly I have no self control. :(

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is out of town for the week
/u/greatglowingcoilsoft [5'7/F/-25lb]
Created: Sat Apr 8 21:31:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64b66v/my_boyfriend_is_out_of_town_for_the_week/
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I'm not sure how to/if I can flair on mobile?

I'm so used to making him dinner every night that I made a huge pot of food. I did my usual routine of spooning out a plate and then putting it bite by bite in the trash, then gave up and sad-ate my way through the entire rest of the pan. Purged for the first time in a little while, not something I want to get in the habit of doing. Got on the elliptical for three hours afterward. This week is not gonna be fun

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] I hate myself
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Sat Apr 8 21:29:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64b5s7/rant_i_hate_myself/
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Three fucking days binge free. I felt so good. Then what? I binge two days in a row. What's wrong with me???

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[Discussion] DAE like to look at pictures of disgusting food?
/u/Ocerotten [5'7 | CW 103lbs | BMI 15.7 | M]
Created: Sat Apr 8 21:15:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64b3wk/dae_like_to_look_at_pictures_of_disgusting_food/
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I spend a lot of time on places like someoneatethis on tumblr or the GOMI thread for gross food blogging photos. I used to use it to lose my appetite when I didn't want to eat or deal with being hungry but lately it's become a way to just make myself feel like crap. Sometimes I get to the point where I feel like I'm about to cry, but I still do it.

Something about looking at bad food makes me feel guilty and depressed. It doesn't work with food that actually looks decent. Does anyone else do this kind of thing or feel the same about it? My IRL friends have no clue what I mean when I talk about it, lol

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[Intro] I feel like I'm falling into this again.
/u/anxious-wreck [179cm | 67kg | BMI 20.91 | -12.2kg | Male]
Created: Sat Apr 8 21:02:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64b1vu/i_feel_like_im_falling_into_this_again/
---
I already posted this in eating_disorders but I figured I'd try and do it here aswell.. so.. here goes nothing.

I'm so scared.

Back in 2015 I started dieting and exercising everyday, doing so much cardio workouts and losing weight super quickly, being obsessed over calories and counting and counting how many I ate and burned. I was afraid of eating apples, I was afraid of drinking milk, I was afraid of drinking **tea**.

It's been a while and I still get anxious when I eat a lot, I still look at the calories in the Nutritional Facts in foods I buy, I still see myself as fat although I'm not (I'm 1.79mts - 67kg/ 5ft10 - 147lbs).

I'm starting to see myself as **HUGE** in the mirror and keep wanting to cry because I'm eating too much. I've been incredibly anxious and that's making me eat more and that makes me feel super fat and everything.

I think about calories all the time now and I'm so scared that I'm going back into this cycle, and it's making me even more anxious.

Help, I really don't know what to do or how to stop this.

(I'm 19 years old - guy)

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Willcaffeinepillshelpme?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 20:59:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64b1c7/willcaffeinepillshelpme/
---
[deleted]

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Is this a good sign or am I slowly gaining weight again? :(
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sat Apr 8 20:39:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64aycv/is_this_a_good_sign_or_am_i_slowly_gaining_weight/
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https://i.redd.it/bpclbqqzwfqy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Work makes me binge
/u/littlesmol [5'5" | CW embarrassing | GW 120 | UGW 95 | F 😊]
Created: Sat Apr 8 20:30:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64ax18/work_makes_me_binge/
---
I work at Subway, AKA the place with the tastiest damn food ever, especially for the workers who always get to eat the freshest stuff. On a chill day I can resist the temptation of even freshly baked cookies (which staff can eat for free btw), but when the store gets busy and we start falling behind on cooking/cleaning because of it, I get really stressed and BAM - suddenly I'm driving home from my 5-8 hour shift remembering all of the stuff I ate in my stress-induced binge (which today included 3 cookies (660 cal), a roast beef deli with extra swiss and chipotle (470), and 2 bags of doritos (460)). This happens any time the store gets too busy for the amount of people working to properly handle it, which is 99% of the time since we're seriously understaffed and recently everyone's been getting sick. I'd love to deal with the stress the way I do outside of work (starving) but I'm scared of passing out in front of customers (which almost happened once). Why can't I just binge on veggies???? :(

---

[Discussion] Sobering YT Video About a Famous Youtuber's ED
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 20:24:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64aw45/sobering_yt_video_about_a_famous_youtubers_ed/
---
https://youtu.be/VhEATqXnXCI

---

[Discussion] Just watched Thin the documentary again
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | ☣️ | -56 lb | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 20:02:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64asju/just_watched_thin_the_documentary_again/
---
After just 90 or so minutes I really felt for the four girls they had on there. I'm sure a lot of people on here have seen it. I looked up what happened to Polly, Brittany, Shelly and Alisa after the documentary and was really saddened that Polly had committed suicide. My heart broke for her and her mom when she got asked to leave the facility. I don't know what the point of this post is, I wonder where they are today and if they're doing any better. I hope so. Does anyone know of any other engaging documentaries on EDs?

---

[Rant/Rave] Chew/Spit nightmare
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 17:48:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64a6s8/chewspit_nightmare/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] SO who should know better [rant]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 17:30:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64a3p8/so_who_should_know_better_rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Down 8 Pounds In A Week And A Half
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 17:19:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64a1uf/down_8_pounds_in_a_week_and_a_half/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] TOTAL ZERO REDBULL HAS FIFTEEN CALORIES
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sat Apr 8 17:06:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/649zpw/total_zero_redbull_has_fifteen_calories/
---
Why did they lie to me and why did I never check the back of the can when I'm so obsessive about checking everything else????

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[Help] Quick question about glucomannan
/u/miacolette [5'0'' | 145 | fatty | GW:<100 | Female 22]
Created: Sat Apr 8 15:20:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/649goy/quick_question_about_glucomannan/
---
This is probably a stupid question. But I've been reading about taking glucomannan to use as an appetite suppressant and I keep seeing that it makes people bloat.

Does that happen cause they aren't drinking enough water? Like if instead of the 8oz it recommends, I drink a whole lot more water while taking the pill will that cause me to not bloat?

I can't stand the idea of looking and feeling fatter than I already do, but I really want to give them a try and maybe help with my BED

---

[Thinspo] Spring for u/kissmyslitwrist
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Sat Apr 8 15:20:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/649goc/spring_for_ukissmyslitwrist/
---
http://imgur.com/a/miysL

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] so alone, writing into the void
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat Apr 8 15:17:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/649g6u/rantrave_so_alone_writing_into_the_void/
---
On mobile

I feel so disassociated from my body. Between mental health issues - ED, OCD and major depression - I'm also combating the physical hell of PCOS. The new medication I'm on feels like it's poisoning me from the inside. I can't even look at happy people because I feel so toxic, like I will never feel connected again. I'm ugly and sick.

I'm fighting this ED all on my own. I've sought counselling but they gave me the names of some self help books and sent me on my way. I tried to be responsible and accountable but I feel failed by the system that's supposed to protect me. There's not a single person irl who knows the full extent of how I feel. Fuck, I think my friends and family would never even believe I've been in the clutches of an ED for two years. I'm trapped, hopeless but smiling, joking and pretending to be ok. From the outside I look successful and highly accomplished but inside I feel worthless. I feel like if people saw me the way I did they would feel the same too. On nights like this I just wish I had a permanent off switch that I could flick and quietly disappear. I don't see an end in sight and it's terrifying. How long can anyone carry on like this, I'm kidding myself if I still think this is a phase.

Don't need a reply or help, it's just nice to see these words outside of my desperate mind. Have a wonderful weekend, wonderful people.

---

[Help] Please help me pick a meal for dinner!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 14:42:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6499mu/please_help_me_pick_a_meal_for_dinner/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] This music video is my favourite male thinspo
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| IDK | ♂ |🇩🇰]
Created: Sat Apr 8 14:27:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/649720/this_music_video_is_my_favourite_male_thinspo/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJRYl8x77o8

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[Rant/Rave] I just looked up how many calories my puppy should be eating
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 14:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64965l/i_just_looked_up_how_many_calories_my_puppy/
---
This is how I know I'm hitting rock bottom. "Wow, let's make sure I'm feeding her enough and maybe I'll start tracking her calories!" It was only after I looked it up that I realized how weird that is.

Btw, she should be eating somewhere around 1500 calories. Lol.

---

[Discussion] Spring thinspo?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sat Apr 8 13:53:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6490ig/spring_thinspo/
---
Anyone else get super inspired in the spring time? I'd love some spring thinspo to help. Where do you go to find thinspo?

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[Discussion] How are you guys with hangovers?
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:125 | 18.8 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 13:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/648s1n/how_are_you_guys_with_hangovers/
---
I don't know if it's because I've been restricting more or if it's a weight loss thing or if it's because I'm slightly older but I get hungover so easily and so badly now.

Like I'm talking in bed sick all day after having only three beers the night before. Anyone else have this experience?

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Trying my first EC stack
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 12:30:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/648klj/trying_my_first_ec_stack/
---
[removed]

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Magnesium as a laxative PSA
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Sat Apr 8 12:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/648gnx/magnesium_as_a_laxative_psa/
---
[removed]

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"you look healthy"
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 155 | 21.68 | 65 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 12:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/648fkg/you_look_healthy/
---
[removed]

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Passing out?
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Sat Apr 8 10:54:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6481a3/passing_out/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Retro Cher
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Sat Apr 8 10:35:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/647xpj/retro_cher/
---
http://imgur.com/a/bQwbK

---

[Thinspo] LA Summer Thinspo
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sat Apr 8 08:59:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/647fce/la_summer_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/mdwMZ

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 7 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 08:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6475fw/summer_goals_day_7_checkin/
---
Woohoo, we made it a week! Yay we did it,
even if things aren't going according to plan (lol me) I'm glad these posts are helping with accountability because somehow I feel better when I mess up.

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on?

---

[Rant/Rave] I just calculated my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) for the first time ever
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 06:58:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/646w57/i_just_calculated_my_tdee_total_daily_energy/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE not drink as much water when restricting or fasting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 8 06:41:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/646tqx/dae_not_drink_as_much_water_when_restricting_or/
---
[deleted]

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 8 06:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/646p11/stupid_questions_saturday_april_08_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 08, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 08, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 8 06:07:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/646p0c/daily_food_diary_april_08_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Passing out
/u/floatingalong_ [5'6" | CW: idk | CBMI: idk | GW: 85lbs | F ]
Created: Sat Apr 8 04:47:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/646ft5/passing_out/
---
So, my mum found me passed out earlier (not the first time in recent weeks) and since then has been trying to get me to eat. I think she knows I'm relapsing but she hasn't actually directly asked me. She just keeps saying she's worried about me. I feel like such an awful daughter, I don't know why I keep doing this to her. My dad said I'm an ungrateful bitch for not eating the food we have and I wish he'd just leave me alone. And of course, to spite him, I just want to carry on restricting? Ahhh. I don't understand my brain.

Having said that, I've lost weight I think (Yay? Not sure now.). Well, my waist has gone down from 21" to 20" - still don't have any scales.

---

[Rant/Rave] Posted about getting a cat a few days ago and some of you asked for pics, I adopted a stray kitten!
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 03:43:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64691r/posted_about_getting_a_cat_a_few_days_ago_and/
---
http://imgur.com/RR0xayg

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[Rant/Rave] Burnt tongue
/u/Vanillacoke0 [5'9" | 153 | 22.9 | -16 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 8 03:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6466m0/burnt_tongue/
---
I've never been happier to burn my tongue whilst drinking a hot black coffee too quickly!

I was eating some brocolli for dinner last night and had no satisfaction whilst eating it, completely losing my appetite.

Woke up this morning aswell and I still don't have my appetite back and my tongue still feels pretty burnt!

Something has definitely surpressed my appetite and it's such a nice change from constantly thinking about when I'm next going to eat!

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Oh god, I'm ruined.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 8 01:18:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/645ugu/rant_oh_god_im_ruined/
---
Last night my husband and I went out for Asian food at Pei Wei, and I ended up getting blistered green beans with sechuan sauce, and Mongolian shrimp fried rice. Since it wasn't a basic menu item I had trouble figuring out the calories until I asked the waiter post-meal and it turned out to be about 1200 calories. For the one meal. This brought my daily total up past 1700 calories.

In spite of going to the bathroom afterwards, fasting for going on 30 hours now, and actually exercising for once, I have gained 2 pounds.

I'd like to fast for the next fucking week but I can't because tomorrow my husband wants to go to the movies and it's one of those fancy movie theaters with the dine in restaurant that delivers all sorts of gourmet dishes to your theater seat. The movie tickets were a Christmas present and gods know when we're going to get to go to a theater this fancy again. Since it was such a special occasion I was going to let myself splurge. But I can't because I've ruined it again. Another otherwise amazing day tainted and marred by my fucking gluttony.

Fuck food and fuck me. I'd say damn me to fucking hell but I'm already there.

---

[Thinspo] fishnet
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Fri Apr 7 21:42:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6452v7/fishnet/
---
http://imgur.com/a/wiGJp

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[Rant/Rave] drunk enough to --
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Fri Apr 7 21:35:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6451u1/drunk_enough_to/
---
eat them nachos and love every second, sober enough to wanna vomit the moment i finish eating

#/#justedthings

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[Rant/Rave] Was given the BEST compliment(s) today
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 7 21:34:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6451oi/was_given_the_best_compliments_today/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [discussion] to people who've been on wellbutrin
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 19:33:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/644in4/discussion_to_people_whove_been_on_wellbutrin/
---
what are you experienced with wellbutrin?
I've heard a lot of people say it killed their appetite and helped them lose weight, did that happen for you?
did the effect eventually wear off? and did your eating go back to "normal" or did it get worse?
if you stopped taking it did your eat go back to normal or get worse than before?

i am looking for a new antidepressant that might help me and it would be great if it helped my weight too, but I don't want to drop weight fast if i'm only gonna regain it once the medicine stops working. but I really wanna hear peoples' experiences with it!

---

[Discussion] Planning to conceive this fall or next spring. Terrified of what my body will become.
/u/gastastic [5'1 | 116.8 | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 18:37:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6449gy/planning_to_conceive_this_fall_or_next_spring/
---
Tell it to me straight, team. Moms of ProED, am I screwed? Or did your body bounce back?

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[Rant/Rave] MY MOTHER HAS BEEN SABOTAGING ME
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 7 16:42:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643olh/my_mother_has_been_sabotaging_me/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] To binge or not to binge...
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 110lb |F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 16:39:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643o1u/to_binge_or_not_to_binge/
---
I've been trapped in a restrict-binge cycle, I feel fatter and just fucking disgusting, really. I've decided no more and I'll aim for a 7 day fast, only eat a little whenever I feel I'm about to black out because of my blood sugar issues.

The thing is, I wonder if I should just pig out and binge like a madwoman this weekend to just get this out of my system before getting my shit together.

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[Other] I'm not dying!
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Fri Apr 7 16:16:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643jqh/im_not_dying/
---
Sorry if this is too off topic.


I have had these lumps in my neck for 6 months. I went to the doctors initially in December, and they told me it was because I was too skinny, and to follow up in 3 months if they were still enlarged. I went back to a different doctor 2 weeks ago, and she was extremely alarmed and wanted me to get an ultrasound. Due to working nights and childcare issues, I wasn't able to get the ultrasound done until today. It came back negative for lymphoma or mass! I have been shitting bricks worried that I had seriously messed myself up restricting for so long. I'm just super relieved. I was trying so hard to play it cool, but I am so happy. I will accept my mysterous neck lumps as long as they're not trying to kill me.



Lumps if anyone cares -

http://imgur.com/ZGSGHQ5

(Top- current, bottom- december)

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[Other] Feeling super alone
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 7 16:03:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643h1n/feeling_super_alone/
---
[deleted]

---

Looking for support 😞 any kik groups?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 7 15:53:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643f0n/looking_for_support_any_kik_groups/
---
[removed]

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[Help] What are your go to snacks?
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Fri Apr 7 15:43:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643csu/what_are_your_go_to_snacks/
---
I'm struggling with FEELING hungry (I'm ashamed to say haha) and I feel like I need to drink an assload or eat a ton of food. do you guys have any low calorie "satiating" kind of food?

I'm thinking celery. We currently don't have any though. Apples? My grocery store doesn't carry a whole lot of low calorie stuff that's cheap unfortunately.

---

[Help] Is this related to sodium intake or coincidental? How much sodium do you get on average?
/u/leleonyx
Created: Fri Apr 7 15:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6436de/is_this_related_to_sodium_intake_or_coincidental/
---
For the past few months I have been consuming between 200 - 500 mg of sodium per day. My muscles have been feeling weak and it hurts to stand/laugh. I've always done high caloric restriction (200-500 calories below TDEE), so I figured the weakness was a consequence of long term restriction. Recently I started to eat at around/slightly above my maintenance level, but that still didn't help with the fatigue or weakness.

Yesterday I consumed a total of 1500-1800 mg of sodium. I have noticed that my muscles no longer feel weak and it doesn't hurt to stand, but I am unsure if it's a coincidence due to the rapid improvement. I have read about cultures who consume very little sodium (some as little as 200 mg / day), and they all seemed healthy and fine so I am not sure what to make of it.

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[Rant/Rave] for fuck sake
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 7 14:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6432oh/for_fuck_sake/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] I have eaten within my calorie limit
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 14:40:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/643012/i_have_eaten_within_my_calorie_limit/
---
However, I've been drinking too. And I have this nagging urge to purge. I hate it! Like I can feel my lunch right at the back of my throat. If I ran to the toilet now I could puke it....but if I just stay calm and just pee and go back to video games I'll be ok. Meh. I hate that exhausted feeling I have after a purge but god I love that "new me" feeling too. Shit I should...no I shouldn't 😂 I'm tearing myself apart!

---

[Help] Can anyone help me estimate calories in restaurant pizza that are not listed?
/u/LittleBlueEyes [29F/5'1", LW80, HW156.6, SW150, CW126.0, BMI24.86, GW110/BMI21.7]
Created: Fri Apr 7 13:45:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/642o6t/can_anyone_help_me_estimate_calories_in/
---
I am currently fasting. I will be breaking my fast by eating pizza to celebrate a family member's birthday.

My problem is, the restaurant's website does not list nutritional info, so I have no idea how many calories to put into my spreadsheet on that day. I am so clueless that I don't know how many calories an "average" pizza from any restaurant contains, so I don't have any basis for a guess. It could be 500 calories, or it could be 2,500 for all I know!

Can anyone help me estimate the calories? I will probably go for the "craft your own" pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, if that helps any.

Here [link removed for privacy] is some of the restaurant's information about quality of food. (It's a list of FAQs, so click on "Do you have nutritional information available".)

Here [link removed for privacy] is the menu.

~~~~~

EDIT:

So I called them, and every pizza they sell is 10" wide. I looked up Pizza Hut and Papa John's for their nutritional information. Thanks so much for this suggestion, u/rainbowsunshinedust!

The highest-calorie/largest slice of pizza from Pizza Hut is 460 calories. The highest-calorie/largest slice of pizza from Papa John's is 400 calories. (I picked the highest-calorie pizza and the largest slice just to make sure I'm not under-estimating!)

So I will assume that each piece of pizza I eat is around 450-475 calories. Best to call it 475, just to be safe.

---

[Rant/Rave] Emotions are dumb
/u/Princess_FudderDudd
Created: Fri Apr 7 13:30:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/642kx4/emotions_are_dumb/
---
I'm​ having a pretty shitty day at work. I work in a science lab, and my boss came up to me and pretty much said we need to have a meeting later today because the data we gave him is wrong, and it's my and my coworker's fault. My coworker and I have been having major anxiety since then because we've​ been super careful since the last fuck up, and we have no idea what we could have done wrong.

Anyways, usually​ I'd go get a huge ass lunch and numb myself until the meeting, but this morning after eating a horrible carb heavy breakfast, I took my ADD meds and now I have absolutely zero appetite. I'm stuck actually having to *feel* my anxiety, and I fucking hate it. Fuck, it's just so much easier to push it down with something until it goes away, ya know?

---

[Rant/Rave] I keep telling myself I've hit a plateau but I'm really just lying to myself.
/u/demonofequality [5'5"| CW: 128 | GW: 115 | 21.89 | -22 lbs| F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 13:24:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/642jlp/i_keep_telling_myself_ive_hit_a_plateau_but_im/
---
I've been losing and gaining these same 4 pounds for the last 3 to 4 months. At the start of January I was 131, end of February I hit 126, March I was at 128, and this morning I was 130.

It fluctuates day to day a little but I'm not losing. Im hardly even maintaining. I go through these vicious cycles every week: restrict, binge, try and be healthy, binge, restrict. I mentally freak out and breakdown every time like clockwork hating myself and planning to starve myself. And then failing at that.

I was so good for months about restricting and the results were amazing and now it's like I'm just so mentally weak the smell of anything sweet or fatty will send me spiraling out of control.

I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of this pooch. And yet with how much I hate it I'm too lazy and weak apparently to get ride of it! Ugh. I hate to be so openly self deprecating but I just feel like such an ugly, fat, lazy POS right now. 😭

I'm getting real sick of my own shit, and my boyfriend probably is too. What do you guys do when this shit happens? How have you been able to build up your discipline?

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[Other] Got a $75 bonus and spent some of it on candy and senna pills.
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Fri Apr 7 13:14:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/642hca/got_a_75_bonus_and_spent_some_of_it_on_candy_and/
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Just ate a bunch of the candy. Time to throw up.

---

[Rant/Rave] After 2 years of weight loss and disordered eating,today I caved in and bought a scale.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Apr 7 12:26:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6426oc/after_2_years_of_weight_loss_and_disordered/
---
I never wanted to weigh myself often, I hate scales, only used the one at the gym from time to time... but I can't live at this weight anymore. I need to get serious to get rid of it. A little part of me is worried that I'm going to spiral down a hole here... a much bigger part of me hopes I do, and instead worries I *wont*. Because spiraling down a hole means then I will lose the weight I gained this past winter, and perhaps more.

I wish people understood how distressing it is for me to be this weight. If they did, perhaps doctors and such would help me lose it, for my mental health.

I dunno.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else watch mukbangs on Youtube?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Fri Apr 7 12:23:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/642616/anyone_else_watch_mukbangs_on_youtube/
---
I just sit here and watch people, particularly other women, eat tons and tons of food until I hate myself.

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 6 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 11:42:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/641wlg/summer_goals_day_6_checkin/
---
Back at it again!!! A little late today, whoops :)

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

---

[Other] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 07, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 11:39:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/641vw3/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for April 07, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Discussion] Daily Food Diary! April 07, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 11:37:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/641vj9/daily_food_diary_april_07_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I've discovered Ephedrine.
/u/karrencarrpenterr [5'6 | F | -40]
Created: Fri Apr 7 10:59:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/641mrz/ive_discovered_ephedrine/
---
Oh my goodness, this stuff is so good at suppressing my appetite. I drink it with coffee & it makes me feel happier too. It's almost like Adderall. I loveeee it. Does anyone else take it? How long does it take until my body is used to it?

---

[Discussion] Afraid to work out?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 10:17:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/641df9/afraid_to_work_out/
---
Hi. So, recently I have been restricting a ton, never going over 500 calories a day. This is right after months of binging, and I am already noticing my stomach getting slightly flatter. I want to work out to burn extra calories, but I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and at this point I really do not want to build any more muscle than I have. My legs are already pretty big due to both muscle and fat, and I don't want to add to that. Are there workouts that I can do that don't add muscle? Or because I am restricting so much, will the muscle just not grow? Thanks for your help!

---

[Rant/Rave] I haven't pooped all week.
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Fri Apr 7 10:06:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/641az6/i_havent_pooped_all_week/
---
I'm pretty sure I'm carrying around a small child in here. AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just want to be perfect. [rant]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Fri Apr 7 09:47:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6416my/i_just_want_to_be_perfect_rant/
---
On mobile, sorry for any formatting issues.

Last night was supposed to be ok. I was going to get out of school and come home. But a friend invited me over and I've been neglecting him lately so I went. We hung out for about an hour until his roommates came home with a shit ton of food. Everyone was pressuring me to have some and I was freaking out so I calmly told them that I had other plans.

So I went to my safe bar for a drink so that I could say I actually did have people to hang out with. And long story short, a girl who I thought was my friend ended up saying something really shitty to me that flipped my switch to rage/manic mode.

Manic me has no control over anything. I went to a different bar and ended up getting shitfaced and doing a ton of coke (I've been clean for 6 months. Why. )

This morning I came home and puked until it hurt just to make sure the alcohol was gone. I peed. Got rid of all waste so maybe I could hit a new LW and feel some sort of control. And it worked. So why don't I feel happy. I've been getting tons of compliments about my weight loss. Why can't I see it?

Why do I see this fat, pimply fuck up who can't do anything right? Why do I have these modes of "Let's do everything we will regret"? Why do I exist? Why can't I find joy in my restricting like I used to?


Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to tell someone, anyone, about how I feel. Thanks for reading.

---

[Discussion] Decreased appetite on Tylenol with codeine?
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 09:46:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6416j0/decreased_appetite_on_tylenol_with_codeine/
---
Has anyone else experienced this? I'm on these because of chronic pain from gallbladder disease and it literally takes all feeling away, not just pain.

I mean I'm happy about this, I'm not stuffing my face and causing horrible pain, but at the same time idk if not eating during this issue/most likely not being able to eat much after surgery.

Also on the bright side I'm down 4 lbs in a week!!

---

[Help] So how tf do you get a flat stomach??
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 09:08:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/640y9g/so_how_tf_do_you_get_a_flat_stomach/
---
I'm forever jealous of anyone with a flat stomach. I've lost a good bit of weight, and my stomach is my #1 problem area. It just sticks out so much it's ridiculous, and it's bulgy. I see pics of people bigger than me with a flat stomach.

I've heard that ab exercises make it flatter, but I've also heard that if you have any fat, it makes it worse? Idk. Is it just genetics or something else?

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm meeting my ex's new girlfriend in 2 months.
/u/bigeyessmallthighs
Created: Fri Apr 7 09:03:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/640x2l/im_meeting_my_exs_new_girlfriend_in_2_months/
---
At a wedding I was supposed to go to with him. She was the primary reason why we broke up. If ever there was motivation for me to stick to a 1000cal a day deficit, it is showing up 20lbs lighter (im 5'7.5" so 18.5 bmi). I will grin a knowing smile when he remembers exactly how good I can look naked. In case he didn't remember when he cheated on her with me a few times last year.

(Yes I am a horrible person)


(But that revenge body motivation is real)

---

[Rant/Rave] Just found out I'm an inch shorter than I thought :(
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 128.5 | BMI 20.13 | -16.5 | UGW 110 | 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 07:56:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/640iss/just_found_out_im_an_inch_shorter_than_i_thought/
---
(Sorry, mobile, tag as Rant!)

And this upsets me way too much

Last time I had my height measured I was wearing shoes but didn't really care at the time, and it was good enough for my doctor.

Had a consultation/personal training session at the gym yesterday and he measured my height and I'm dead on 5'7", not 5'8" like I thought :(

Now my BMI is back over 20 and I have to rethink my goal weights and ugh.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just found out that my loose skin itself could contribute lbs to the scale.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Apr 7 07:22:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/640c1a/just_found_out_that_my_loose_skin_itself_could/
---
Have to admit I never considered this. I have quite a bit of loose skin, but whilst I knew it didn't look great, I didn't consider that it could contribute to scale weight.

Seems for people who have lost 100lbs, loose skin can weigh 3-15 lbs reading stuff online after they got it removed.. I'm short, but have lost more than 100lbs..

So what if I have like 3lbs of loose skin here? Three FUCKING LBS. What if it's MORE? WHAT IF ITS A LOT MORE?

What if I reached 88lbs (UGW) and *never even knew it*. I came close at around 90-92lbs..

What if it's adding *inches* around my waist? I don't seem to have loose skin there (lower abdomen/stomach, thighs mainly) but I've seen discussions on how removal of skin removed inches there too.. So if I have extra inches, how many?

Would explain why my midsection is so goddamn chubby, yet my upper ribs, collar bones and shoulder bones seem way more prominent than they should in comparison... those parts of me are way more prominent than on women I've seen with MUCH skinnier waists than me like omg.

Goddamnit guys. Goddamnit. Damn. It.

---

[Discussion] DAE have allotted "this weekend I am planning to binge" time? [Discussion]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 07:01:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/64086e/dae_have_allotted_this_weekend_i_am_planning_to/
---
I'm meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time today and basically I'm going to restrict as much as possible but don't want to look rude. I'm already vegan so if I restrict they're going to think I'm super weird and difficult. So I'm going to meticulously calculate my calories and make up for it on Sunday. I'm trying not to feel guilty but omg it sucks and I feel jittery and panicked.

Anyone have any tips for moments like this?

---

[Help] Thunder thighs?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 7 05:58:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63zxf2/thunder_thighs/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] anyone else have bulimia, non-purge subtype?
/u/dejectedvoter [5'9" | CW:180 | GW: 145| UGW: 125| F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 05:26:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63zsx6/anyone_else_have_bulimia_nonpurge_subtype/
---
hi, long time lurker, first time poster. I got diagnosed with non-purge bulimia like 2 months ago (although it probably started around 14, I'm 21 now). So basically i just restrict and binge. The lowest I've ever been at this height was 145 (I grew an extra inch when I was 20 somehow), but the lowest BMI I've had was i think 17 or 18 a few inches ago.

Now I'm at my highest weight ever, and desperate to get back to at least 150 (where i still felt horribly fat lol). I was wondering if anyone else has the same sort of thing I do? I see a lot of other diagnoses on here, but not this yet really :/ don't want to be the only one!

---

[Rant/Rave] Hey, guys! An intro and a rant.
/u/JOP17 [151cm | 55.9kg | 25.94 | GW: 44kg | Female]
Created: Fri Apr 7 05:08:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63zqg6/hey_guys_an_intro_and_a_rant/
---
I've been lurking on this sub for quite some time -- it feels so good to have a community who feel everything I do, y'know? I relate to almost every post you guys make, and for that, I must thank you. ❤ I thought it time that I post here myself, and I actually have something to talk about...

First of all, a question: Do you guys track certain macros? How many carbs you eat, for example? I was tracking that for a while and, in keto fashion, was attempting to stay under 20g. Needless to say, binges happen -- shitty eating days. You know the drill. I'm always paranoid about that; like, since I stopped it, that it's gonna be harder to shift the weight. Do these things matter, or is it ALL about CICO?

Additionally! I weighed myself in December on a whim at the scales in my local vets (so I think it's accurate? One of those bad boys), and took note of the weight: 56.4kg. THEN, just a couple of days ago, I weighed myself again. 56.4. Again. Seems like I'm maintaining it. It doesn't make me as upset as I thought it did because I'm trying harder now and I realise that my diet hasn't been as controlled as I would've liked/anticipated. I guess on this rambly tangent I'm wondering why my weight hasn't shifted at all -- not even a little. Right down to the .4! I'm around 5ft for reference. Y'all are so good at science; if you have a theory, I'd love to hear it! I just find it odd. And I guess it makes me paranoid because I feel like my weight will never change, no matter how much I restrict? Again, I realise it could've been the binges. GAH.

Sorry for the full-fledged post! Any of you guys relate?

On mobile, so not sure I can flair!

---

[Intro] [intro] This is me (long)
/u/thirdocean
Created: Fri Apr 7 05:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63zpve/intro_this_is_me_long/
---
I don't hate everything about myself. I don't think I'm fat when I'm not. I'm 20 years old 178.2lbs and 5'6". I know I am fat. I want to say I have not always been what I am. I eat unhealthy foods, but probably not enough to count it as a binge. I could eat a family sized chips over a few hours of movie watching. I was at 206lbs or more 5 months ago. I've since relapsed into restricting and purging.

I don't believe there is a single moment where I changed or "got" an ED. I think I slowly became who I am. I'm sure this means there is also some genetics involved because not everyone gets EDs. I was a skinny kid, for awhile. There's pictures of me as a kid looking lanky. Then my parents left my siblings and I. We lived with my grandparents on their living room floor. They only ate junk food and cooked everything in butter. My grandpa hasn't drank water in years, only Pepsi. Obviously I gained weight. The few times my dad was around he asked why I had to look like a fat bitch like my mom. My grandma repeatedly asked why I wasn't skinny like everyone else. My weight was a constant insult. Then between 8-10 I was sexually molested on a weekly basis. I ate more and more and isolated myself trying to escape it all. I lost all my friends at school and my family made fun of me for it, telling me it was because I was so fat. Around 10-11 I learned when you hate being bullied at school being "sick" and throwing up gets you sent home. Elementary school age still. My grandma told everyone she was convinced I was diabetic. I had to eat less, why did I eat more than everyone else. I was shaving by 10 too, but I'm not sure why or what that means. I don't think I even had hair.

God I ate so much. At 12 I was 5'2" and 156lbs and my favorite meal was homemade mac and cheese with extra cheese shredded on top. Oh yeah and it was at least 3 bowls of it. I didn't chew my food. I just bit and swallowed.

My mom came back around and we moved in with her after awhile. She constantly wanted to lose weight and diet. I know now that she pushed it on me so it'd help her feel not alone in it and what's wrong in wanting your kid to eat healthy? At buffets she'd say stuff like I ate so much I wish I could throw up and eat more. Which I could do, so I did, then threw up the rest. I never considered it an ED. Looking back it never fully went away, I would just not eat for a day or so and just not think about it. I was fat I didn't need food. Besides guys liked me, big nerdy guys, but still. Someone saying they want you makes those warm fuzzies and when it's not that bad it helps. I'd still go through times of purging for a few months then stop.

Then at 18 or so I got a job Taco Bell and gained weight a lot. This is the first time I think I got over 200lbs. I know my bmi was over 30. I joined a class where we lifted weights, ran, and played games for at least an hour a day. I skipped lunch and went to the gym after school. I couldn't and still can't run on a treadmill. Thanks fatty. But I got to the point where I could go 12 miles in 88 or less minutes on the elliptical. I averaged 6 miles a day there on top of the class and at least an hour lifting weights. In a few months I reached 173lbs. My lowest at 5'6" which was still 20lbs overweight.

I moved out for college and drank and partied. At a party I was laying on the floor floating between being blacked out and just being dizzy when I could hear a guy trying to bribe my bf into letting him have sex with me. Because I wouldn't remember and he could see I couldn't move. I wanted to cry and run away. I stopped going to class and partying but not drinking. I got up to 187 and swore I'd lose it by being healthy. Funny, I'd never been that before and surprise I didn't start then.

I reached 206 around 6 months ago. Maybe less. I am now at 178.2 and nothing is better. I'd weigh less but I still end up drinking which I'm not working on stopping. I know that is due to genetics. I have hardly kept food down for the past 2-3 weeks and I lost 10lbs the initial week. I'm sure it was mostly water weight. I throw up every meal I can and avoid people so they don't try to take me out to eat. I got a job walking 3-8 miles a night. I weigh myself 6 times a day at least. I have to stare at myself in the mirror whenever I'm naked. I have to suck in my stomach and feel where the fat and muscles are and telling myself what I could, what I should be. I touch my face and imagine what it'd look like with less fat. I look at the clothes I'd wear and things I'd do if I were skinny. I don't even want to say if, I want to say when. I feel determined and I don't want help. I don't want to get better. I want to get skinny. I look at thinspo constantly and just imagine it. I think about eating food just to throw it up. Mostly the calories don't even matter. I just need to be empty. I've stood over the toilet and gagged being empty until it hurt and I cried and didn't want to stop. Then I feel better.

I'm sure there's other life instances I've forgotten that could play into this like abusive boyfriends and shitty actual friends, but it's already too long. So I guess with all of this I probably have an ED.

Does anyone else relate? Or feel like this is similar?

---

[Thinspo] It's funny how just one image can flip a switch in my brain from binge mode to restriction
/u/FakingReallyWell [5'5.5" | 140 lbs | 23 | -16 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 04:27:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63zkyd/its_funny_how_just_one_image_can_flip_a_switch_in/
---
I've been in binge mode for the past few months. I've managed to have a few good days in there but generally I've been a gluttonous pig.

Today I decided to look at thinspo and came across one picture that made me lose my appetite completely.

I will fast for the next 36 hours. It won't undo all the damage, and I hate myself so much for losing all control just when I was starting to make progress, but I think fasting will make me feel a bit better.

[Here's](https://68.media.tumblr.com/a79e191ee8339dd5ee57d8f1fa30a2ec/tumblr_on7o9bK7In1r35p8yo1_1280.jpg) the image, for anyone who wants to see it.

---

[Intro] Heya
/u/SpookyRach [5'2" | CW 212.6lbs | GW 120lbs | HW 215.6lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 03:32:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63zdr8/heya/
---
I've been lurking on and off for a while or so, but I've not done a proper intro until now.

I've not got an official ED diagnosis or ever been to see anyone about my eating habits, but I'd say I definitely have disordered eating of some variety (varying between compulsive overeating and OSFED). I've been obsessive about food for as long as I can remember.

Interests for me (other than food) are video games, reading, playing sports and I've started out journaling this year.

---

[Help] Worries about losing weight too quickly
/u/gabrielleonketo
Created: Fri Apr 7 02:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63z57h/worries_about_losing_weight_too_quickly/
---
I've been overweight/obese almost all my life. I used to be 209 and I've been around 185-169 for 1-2 years now. Right now, I am 18, 5'4" at 175 pounds. I'm aiming to lose 60-75 more pounds within September or October. Will I have loose skin? How can I prevent it? I know I should probably start working out now and drink more water and moisturize and all that but what else can I do? I'm just so worried and honestly I can't eat more even if I wanted to. I'm eating 100 cals or less a day and I can't eat more because I have no appetite at all. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] hehehe. I have four eat days coming up but no money to eat on. I can't believe I'm happy to be broke.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Fri Apr 7 02:16:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63z4nq/hehehe_i_have_four_eat_days_coming_up_but_no/
---
What the fuck is wrong with me? Happy to be broke.... I do have that 10 dollar Amazon card.

I mean, I have some siggis plain yogurt and granola and large raw carrots- so that will be four days worth of meals.

---

[Rant/Rave] Lol guess who just purged for the first time
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 7 02:03:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63z333/lol_guess_who_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
---
On Fridays my department has breakfast together. Had 3 pieces of bread with cheese instead of my normal 2. Left to go smoke a cigarette, stopped by the bathroom first and whoop there it is. Apparently the secret wasn't fingers but bending over in tight high waist jeans. Fuck me. Thank god for menthol cigarettes. 🙃

---

[Rant/Rave] Holy mother of all plateaus
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Thu Apr 6 23:56:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ymvh/holy_mother_of_all_plateaus/
---
39 days. That's how long my scale has been showing the same number.

Usually my plateaus can be broken by bumping up my caloric intake for a day to trick my body, or by adding a workout to my admittedly sedentary day, but nope! I know my scale isn't broken either, because the gym scale tells me the same number.

It's really discouraging because in February I calculated what my intake can be to make sure I reach my goal weight by June and breathed a sigh of relief when the number was way above what I usually aim for anyways, but now as the days grow closer, the number gets smaller and smaller and smaller as my weight stays the same...

---

[Discussion] Fasting VS high restriction - health effects [Discussion]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 173.8 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 23:32:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63yjf8/fasting_vs_high_restriction_health_effects/
---
so science side of proED, I have something for you. I restrict a lot while taking a multivitamin and working out - I eat about 400-500 cal. a day. Obviously, it's not enough and my close friends, who are aware of my food issues, keep going about how healthy it is - and obviously I can't disagree, like it's just a fact that my whole body can function normally on that little calories.

However, I'm following the fasting subreddit and see people fasting for weeks and sometimes months (!!!!!). Obviously, these people don't encourage EDs and always advice to fast in a healthy way - vitamins, electrolytes and all.

What I'm wondering (and it might be a silly question!) is how can fasting be healthier than high restriction? It is? If so, how come?! How can a lil' food be worse than only water?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Results not happening at a normal rate.
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -11 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 23:17:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63yhc4/rant_results_not_happening_at_a_normal_rate/
---
So these past few months have been my second time really heavily focusing on restriction. The first time was way back when I was thirteen/fourteen, and while it definitely worked, I'm now left with hypothyroidism that fucks my metabolism right up its ass. I'm medicated (pretty low daily dose of levothyroxine), but basically even if I ate "normally," I'd always be bigger than anyone without a fucked-up thyroid.

So this is what I've taken to blaming this AWFUL week on. Past two weeks I've been taking Hydroxycut Max and eating 600-900 calories a day, and after all of it!!!!!!!!!!! I gained a pound :) :) :)

I want to tear my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. I'm cutting my max allowance down to 700 and just redistributing my caloric intake. I wasn't eating breakfast because it just makes me hungrier the rest of the day, and also I have to wait an hour after taking my meds and I'm a chronically late person so I just don't have the time to squeeze in, but I bought some protein shakes (160 cal a bottle) so we'll see I guess.

tl;dr restricted for two weeks and somehow gained weight because my thyroid and God both hate me

---

[Discussion] Anyone else find the desire to be thin intensify as they get older?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 22:49:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ydc7/anyone_else_find_the_desire_to_be_thin_intensify/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Ravenously hungry after 4 months of heavy restriction and 2 weeks of binging. Feel like I'll never get back to where I was. Feel trapped :'(
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 22:22:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63y90k/ravenously_hungry_after_4_months_of_heavy/
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I'm sorry if I'm being annoying. I just don't understand. The idea of eating 800 calories used to be so indulgent to me, 1200 would have had me stuffed, now I keep eating up to maintenance because the hunger is relentless. I know I've already posted about this before but I don't understand. I want to die, I feel like I'm trapped in the body that's always hungry. I used to be able to live off 500-600 calories and feel okay. I hate myself so much, I hate my body. What's wrong with me. I was 10 lbs from my first goal weight, I had just reached my lowest weight since sophomore year of high school, and I ruined everything by over eating for two weeks thinking I could just go back to restriction, now I don't feel like I can. And I've never had that problem. any advice I would appreciate, thanks for letting me vent. I'm in despair :'(

Just some side info that might be helpful, I have pcos and insulin resistance. In the past, like a few years ago I had elevated insulin, but over the last few years I've brought down my levels to normal, my last a1c was 4.9. So that does concern me, that maybe I bumped up the amount of basal insulin my body secretes, and maybe that's causing hypos or something and that's increasing hunger?

I never know what is best to do, to intermittently fast or to spread it out through out the day. IF seems to help a bit, but for the last couple days I end up eating at night. I've been trying to figure out if I should take metformin and how much or not. Sometimes it will help with my appetite, sometimes it will make me ravenous. Exercise as well. Running seems to actually help suppress it on nights when I'm hungry, but I'm not sure if it makes me hungry the next day.

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[Discussion] Self control
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Thu Apr 6 22:11:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63y7cm/self_control/
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I'm tired of this punish/reward cycle around starving and bingeing. I want to be to the point of having food in front of me that I can decline, or stopping once I'm full. How does one even make steps towards learning self control? Any advice?

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[Rant/Rave] Haven't been able to eat over 150 cals without purging
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 22:08:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63y6qt/havent_been_able_to_eat_over_150_cals_without/
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But yesterday I ate 300 cals and managed to not purge! I mean I did gain a pound but I know it's just water/food weight. I don't know why I'm happy about being able to eat more but I am and oddly enough, I'm proud of myself!

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[Thinspo] Disney Thinspo
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 143| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Thu Apr 6 21:34:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63y0uy/disney_thinspo/
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I'm getting a Disneyland pass with my tax return because I'm a responsible adult, and I spent an hour looking for good motivation to lose more weight before I got it. Thought I'd share it with everyone! Sorry for the lack of credit I just googled these.
http://imgur.com/a/yAGJZ

On mobile/ thinspo tag?

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myfitnesspal was trying to make me feel better i think
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 21:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63y0np/myfitnesspal_was_trying_to_make_me_feel_better_i/
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https://i.redd.it/7miixngtw1qy.jpg

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How much do I look like I weigh? I'm 5ft 7in. How much do I need to lose and what do I need to work on to get thinner?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 21:25:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63xz9m/how_much_do_i_look_like_i_weigh_im_5ft_7in_how/
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https://i.redd.it/gsp0a4wav1qy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone ever have a binge, p, and restriction day? (Rant)
/u/Rustlingjimmies87
Created: Thu Apr 6 21:02:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63xuzr/anyone_ever_have_a_binge_p_and_restriction_day/
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Don't know how it's possible, but I'm doing it. (No hate on him plz, it's not the reason I'm posting) Had a fight with the bf where it ended up he said he was confused on being with me, and it ended on a bad note. I don't even know if it's ended or not. But anyways most of the morning was spent p'ing, then restricting from being upset and still sick from the morning, then I'm sitting here with a halo top that I threw out the lid cause I don't intend to stop till I scrape cardboard. And on top of that I weighed after purging and crying and I was UP in weight. Go figure.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm drowning
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 122 | 19.8 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 19:54:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63xi1n/i_feel_like_im_drowning/
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I'm only just coming down from a panic attack in my kitchen. Please be warned there is some gross shit in this post.

I got my wisdom teeth out one week ago today. Today I had post-interview anxiety and I wanted to binge and purge. I knew it would be a bad idea because of the surgery but I wanted to so.bad. it had been ten days and I missed it.

So I did.

I don't know what the fuck is going on but my gums have literally separated from my teeth. Food got stuck in them so far down that I had to PUSH it out. I can feel some still stuck in there. It hurts so bad and I have to go to my follow up appointment tomorrow.

The worst part is I am still considering a second b/p before I go to bed.

One time seven years ago I overdosed on heroin. I was technically dead when the ambulance arrived. I spent 4 days in the ICU and an additional 3 in the regular hospital and the day I arrived home I did the rest of my stash - the exact same stuff that killed me the first time. Spoiler alert I didn't die the second time (and I'm sober now so go me), but that's how I feel right now.

I feel like a junkie returning to the same stuff that harms me again and again.

Right now I can barely leave my bed, I can barely shower, I can't take care of my cat, I can't do school work, I'm so close to dropping out of my graduate program. I feel like I'm drowning. The great irony of all of this is I do counseling and social work at a psychiatric hospital, but I can't help myself for shit.

I suppose I just needed to dwell in my self pity for a bit anonymously on the internet. I have such supportive friends and an incredible boyfriend who thinks I'm the most incredible and beautiful person he has ever met but I feel terrible burdening them again and again with my problems. Especially because I'm not ready to get better I'm just ready to feel bad for myself.

Whew.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate the way I must seem to other people..
/u/ms_ireneadler2
Created: Thu Apr 6 19:07:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63x87i/i_hate_the_way_i_must_seem_to_other_people/
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Does anyone else feel like this is more motivating than self-loathing? Well it kinda goes hand in hand..it's like, the more I think about how disgusting I must seem to other people, the more I hate myself for being the way I am. But Im not sure if I would necessarily hate myself (physically, at least) as much if I truly believed that people didnt mind my weight.

Sometimes I'll think about how other people perceive me.. friends, family, strangers.. All I can think is.. fat, lazy, stupid,.. and I just fucking CRINGE at the thought of people thinking those things.. I feel like I'm dead weight (heh no pun intended) in any relationship I have. Do they just all tolerate me because they feel bad? I know Im my own worst critic but I can't understand how they *wouldnt* think those things??

Body/looks, personality, and (lack of) achievements.. all of it just makes me feel like a complete failure. I wish I could just drop 50 pounds and move to a new city.. one where nobody knew what a failure I was before.

p.s. made a new account! same username..but with a 2 lmao

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[Other] So this is a weird thing to admit but
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Thu Apr 6 18:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63x6th/so_this_is_a_weird_thing_to_admit_but/
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my thinspo is pornspo. I guess I'm after the ideal? Or rather the exaggeration of the ideal? Why is it something unattainable?

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[Thinspo] Summer thinspo: Emily Ratajkowski
/u/alovelytime
Created: Thu Apr 6 18:52:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63x5hw/summer_thinspo_emily_ratajkowski/
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http://imgur.com/a/Q2wMi

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[Discussion] DAE buy stuff for a binge and then try to to cancel all the calories with zero calorie foods?
/u/hopelessly--hopeful [5'4" | puts whales to shame| F| 23]
Created: Thu Apr 6 18:51:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63x5av/dae_buy_stuff_for_a_binge_and_then_try_to_to/
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For example, I just bought a bag of cheddar sour cream ruffles, and have no doubt that I will eat the whole bag tonight. That's about 1440 calories. I decided to buy a cherry coke zero in a sad attempt to make it seem like not that bad of a binge. Sure I just ate an entire days worth of calories in one sitting, but look, this pop has no calories! Pretty sure this binge was because I skipped all of my classes today and have pulled all nighters every day this week. I think tomorrow will start a weekend fast so I don't feel so shitty next week.

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[Help] Whenever I go back home I binge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 18:48:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63x4o3/whenever_i_go_back_home_i_binge/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My family walked in on me full out binging
/u/soma-h
Created: Thu Apr 6 18:17:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63wyoy/my_family_walked_in_on_me_full_out_binging/
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So embarrassing. Had like 10 different types of foods on the counter, and it was around 6pm which is nowhere close to dinner time where I'm from, and I had like jam and bread and cheese cream, and this chocolate pastries and cookies and crackers, and this conserve of dried tomatoes and cheese sticks and it smelled like the soy burgers I'd just cooked and was just about to start cooking pasta

Im so embarrassed it was so obvious and they came out of nowhere, my parents never are home before nine and my grandparents and aunt and uncle on a Thursday?? Unprecedented lol idk I'm hanging out now but now they know how fucked up my eating habits are..... they probably already did w how much my weight fluctuates but this.... :( they didn't even comment on it, that's how serious it is they are pretending they didn't see me putting everything away frantically which is probably for the best but idk I'm so embarrassed

Also now I can't purge... was trying not to, anyway, but now I don't have the choice

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[Rant/Rave] I hate my eating disorder.
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Thu Apr 6 18:05:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63wwek/i_hate_my_eating_disorder/
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[removed]

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An animation about what an ED feels like
/u/tortaway [i dont even know anymore]
Created: Thu Apr 6 17:33:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63wq3a/an_animation_about_what_an_ed_feels_like/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhEATqXnXCI

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[Discussion] What are your daily macro goals? (Discussion)
/u/TopCat1392 [5'3.5" | 129.2 | 23.06 😫| -5.8 | GW:92.6 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 17:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63wopm/what_are_your_daily_macro_goals_discussion/
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Specifically, I'm curious as to how many grams of fiber you shoot for, but really any info on your macros is much appreciated.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Ate a cupcake and it still didn't fuck my day up like I thought it would! :)
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Thu Apr 6 16:02:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63w6zc/rave_ate_a_cupcake_and_it_still_didnt_fuck_my_day/
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Hi! So I was aiming for 500 max today, and I'd been doing great so far, just a 100 cal pack of Oreo wafer crisps and a 50 cal iced coffee. I was planning on just eating some eggs whites and broth for the rest of the day. Well... my school had a surprise cupcake party. I got a cupcake and planned on giving it to a friend, but I couldn't find her so I had to take it with me. I ended up eating it. I was so pissed at myself until I googled how much it was and it's about 400. So I'm ending my day at like 550 instead of 1000 like I thought :)

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] The only girl in the house.
/u/catladykatie
Created: Thu Apr 6 15:52:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63w4pl/rant_the_only_girl_in_the_house/
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I don't like to make posts because I feel like I annoy people, but I'm just so cranky right now and I can't complain to anyone else without sounding weird.

My fiancé and I are currently living with his grandfather--we moved/changed jobs to be near him as he gets older. I am the only female in the house, and I'm short. Even if I eat at maintenance, I don't have many calories to work with. Everyone fends for themselves for breakfast/lunch, but gramps enjoys cooking a family dinner every night. He cooks a lot of my fiancé's favorite childhood meals and it's really sweet. But--they're both fairly tall/fairly muscular guys. They LOVE big servings of fatty meats. The more meat, the better. Gramps is making spaghetti for dinner. He's using cheap (fatty) ground beef AND an entire package of smoked sausage in his sauce.


I try to account for family dinner. I eat light through the day in anticipation of the heavy meals. I just calculated for dinner and I'm going to be eating almost nothing and absolutely killing my calories. I'm super hungry and I'm looking at eating super skimpy portions. And I can't even THINK about having garlic bread.


The thought of how much broccoli I could have with the calories I have left is infuriating. I could stuff my face and still be under. I could even have a light drizzle of butter or cheese sauce! I would be thrilled to eat a big leafy salad while they eat spaghetti. But we aren't having broccoli or salad--just spaghetti and garlic bread. My fiancé doesn't like salad and his grandfather has to watch his veggie/fiber intake for health reasons, so no veggies for me. I don't want to be that weird, picky person who can't eat what everyone else is eating. I'm not eating an absurdly low calorie count at dinner. I just want something I can feel full on without eating my entire calorie allotment in one meal!


I can't bring myself to eat this gluttonous spaghetti, and I don't want to be seen as picky and eat something else after he cooked for us. I can always say I'm just not hungry, but I AM hungry. Just...grrr.

Sorry for the rant. Don't mind me...I'll just be over here daydreaming about steamed veggies, salads, stirfry...all the high bulk/low calorie things I can't get these guys to eat.

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[Rant/Rave] I've hit my own personal rock bottom.
/u/descendingscales [5'7 | 160 | 25.1 | -50lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 15:14:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63vwaf/ive_hit_my_own_personal_rock_bottom/
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TW: Purging? (not sure if that's a trigger I should tag in this sub but I get pretty detailed about it)

I've binged every day this week. I've tried so hard to stay positive and just keep trying but nothing has worked. I've literally binged over a thousand calories every single day since Friday.

Today it was raining, and I just got my tax return so of course I have more money for binge food. I spent like $30 on chinese delivery and ate almost all of it. I immediately felt like trash. I've never been so out of control while struggling so hard to regain control of myself and my life. I had already started feeling the hopelessness and obligation that I used to feel when I was purging frequently. I had basically already decided to do it.

Then, my boyfriend came home early. I went over to hug him and he immediately said (in a way that he probably thought was jokingly) "Jesus Christ babe how much Chinese food have you eaten today? You absolutely reek of it!" which made me break down crying immediately. He felt bad seeing me upset, so he picked me up and carried me upstairs, which just made me feel worse because I already felt so damn heavy. He tried to cuddle all of me in his arms but I literally felt like at trash bag full of pudding or something. He ran his fingers over my hipbones because he knows it usually makes me feel small but I could just feel how much extra fat there was around them. I feel awful because I know he was really trying to make me feel better and make me feel precious and small and he even made a comment about not leaving until I felt small again (lol good luck youre stuck here forever) but everything he did just made me feel worse.

After like fifteen minutes I basically kicked him out because I wanted to purge so bad. It was my first time doing it in about five years which fucking sucks because I thought all of that was behind me now. I didn't think I'd be this disgusting and desperate again. I also absolutely suck at purging now because I retained all of my lack of a gag reflex but lost my ability to make myself puke on command. W H Y. I stopped way early because my dog was watching me and started crying and I suddenly felt really awful about myself. So, basically, it wasn't even worth it to begin with.

I wish I could just appreciate my boyfriend doing nice things for me without feeling like a whale, and occasionally indulge in unhealthy food without it dragging on for a week. Purging honestly made me feel like I lost complete control over myself and my disorder. I can't even think of a way I could go significantly downhill from here, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Oh, and I have to get weighed at the doctor's office tomorrow. Ha.

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[Intro] New here
/u/floatingalong_ [5'6" | CW: idk | CBMI: idk | GW: 85lbs | F ]
Created: Thu Apr 6 14:47:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63vpz1/new_here/
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Hi, new here, 22, female. AN-R, occasional purging. LW was around 85lbs at 5'6" - I want to get back to this Or under. Idk.

Currently unable to work because of poor mental health, I do have a university degree though. Feel really shitty about being unnable to work and I've basically relapsed ED wise. I don't know my weight currently as I have no access to scales (mum thinks I'm still recovering), but I have a measuring tape so I'm gonna just go by measurements until I can buy a scale. My ED started when I was a kid due to being unable to handle trauma.

Measurements are currently 32" (28C/D)-21"-33" (BWH), 19" thighs, 12.5" calves, 8.5" bicep, 7" forearms, 5" wrists.

Erm, not sure what else to write, I'm kinda too depressed to be interested in anything atm. Guess I'm still semi-interested in things like makeup, and random TV shows. Psychology is also pretty fascinating to me but I don't have the attention span for it. Pretty much all my focus is on ED related stuff, lol.

Nice to meet you!

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I only want to talk about food
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 14:09:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63vhbo/rant_i_only_want_to_talk_about_food/
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it's pretty much all i think about and i LOVE talking about it! i like raving over my meals or talking about my favorite foods or looking up restaurants menus. i like eating too, like i adore it. i just hate calories and fat so obviously i've got fucked up eating habits. as my disorders gotten worse recently i find that food is all i'm talking about with others and it's probably rather suspicious. gotta love fucked up relationships with food!

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[Help] [Help] How to get rid of the smell after purging?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 13:55:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ve0p/help_how_to_get_rid_of_the_smell_after_purging/
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Obviously puke has a smell but I have no idea how to hide that smell. I purged earlier while I was out and I was so self concious for the rest of the day cos I couldn't tell if people could smell it on me or not. I washed my hands and arms and face and went and bought some mints but I'm not sure how effective they really were. Any advice? I mean the sensible solution is to not purge in public, or better yet, not purge at all, but well, knowing that doesn't stop me from doing it.

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[Help] Enema and a laxative [Help]
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | 143.8 lbs | 26.18 | -51.2 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 13:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63v5he/enema_and_a_laxative_help/
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[removed]

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Enema and a laxative
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 13:17:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63v583/enema_and_a_laxative/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Exercising while restricting?
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 13:09:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63v3ev/exercising_while_restricting/
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Can anyone tell me if this is safe? I eat about 800 calories a day, and do about an hour of cardio until I feel dizzy and lightheaded. I've had 300 calories so far today, and I wanted to bike at least 30 km but I'm not sure if it's dangerous to exercise that much due to my caloric intake, or if I should have maybe an egg before I go biking. Experiences, thoughts?

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[Rant/Rave] Looked in the mirror and liked what I saw.........
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Thu Apr 6 13:06:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63v2op/looked_in_the_mirror_and_liked_what_i_saw/
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And then I started taking off my clothes. Barf.

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New low weigh in = energized
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 12:38:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63uvum/new_low_weigh_in_energized/
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[deleted]

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Abdomen
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Thu Apr 6 12:28:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63utho/abdomen/
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http://imgur.com/a/iDqCf

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What's your favourite body shape?
/u/BecomingJessica [23/F | 5'6" | Planet | -21lbs | UGW: 115lbs]
Created: Thu Apr 6 11:44:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63uiw8/whats_your_favourite_body_shape/
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For me, it's hourglass, which happens to be the shape I have, though unfortunately you can't actually make hat out due to me being so big right now. But still. I don't really know why I like it, but I guess I just agree with the consensus that it screams sex appeal haha. I also like the opposite though, a straight body shape, because they look more dainty and... innocent, somehow?

I don't know, I'm just interested in everyone's thoughts. Sorry if it's been discussed before! <3

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[Rant/Rave] Tumblr is weird.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Thu Apr 6 11:39:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63uhol/tumblr_is_weird/
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So I was on tumblr a lot from 2011 until 2015 (when I deleted). I didn't follow the pro ED or thinspo community back then very much because I had a comedy blog that was really popular with ~30k followers to keep up with. But I did check up on it on occasion since I did actively restrict and relapse and engage in ED behaviors. Less than 2 weeks ago I decided to give tumblr another go. I created a blog for aesthetics, recovery related stuffy and comedy stuff.

But then I created a secondary blog for thinspo and ED thoughts and feels because I'm not *that* dedicated to recovery. I had no idea how active the pro ED side of tumblr grew *so* much. And it's all kinda...weird? I don't know how to describe how it makes me feel. Sweetspo? Meanspo? I've explored online pro ED communities for almost 10 years now and these terms are all so new to me and somehow don't sit well with me. And then I see all these posts saying "never skip breakfast because eating breakfast speeds up your metabolism". Maybe because I spent the last year on *Reddit's* proED, but eating breakfast is such a weird concept for me? If anything eating breakfast sets myself, and many others (on this sub) up for failure. Personally, I'm better off fasting as long as I can and not eating until like 3pm or so. Even eating a piece of fruit or something for breakfast would ruin my whole day because it makes my hunger cues come back. Putting off eating does cause hunger, yeah, but it's more tolerable and the hunger cues come and go.

IDK the tumblr ED community just seems foreign to me. I guess maybe because it's a lot of teenagers who use it, the ED "advice" there is just so misinformed because these are teens who are uneducated about nutrition. There are also popular ED blogs with thousands of followers and the people who run those blogs give out the WORST nutritional advice. I mean, obviously any advice that encourages ED behaviors, but shit like that would get down voted to hell on this sub.

Anyways, I just needed to rant. I'm just going to try to ignore all the crappy ED stuff on tumblr.

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I know memes are for Fridays but this isn't *really* a meme. Just saw it and feel like it TOTALLY sums up am ED
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Thu Apr 6 11:27:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63uete/i_know_memes_are_for_fridays_but_this_isnt_really/
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https://i.redd.it/v78wv2tpwypy.png

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[Rant/Rave] Why are we like this?
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Thu Apr 6 10:56:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63u7ax/why_are_we_like_this/
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So I saw a comment on this thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63qnd8/hearing_it_said_out_loud/dfwa2gl


The one talking about imagining the skeleton sitting under all of our fat and if there was ever a "before" time. Before the disordered thinking. I wanted to reply with the stuff below, but it turned into a novel so I just made a text post. I'm sure yall relate...

"Literally me. And I feel like a lot of other people on here too. Was there ever a time we weren't obsessed with our bodies or flaws? Were we born with it? Is it genetic? Or are we a product of our environment? Did someone DO this to us?


I guess either way it doesn't matter. We're living with it. But I wish I could physically pinpoint when I became so aware of my appearance and body. And why, instead of understanding that I look the way I look and it's not bad or shameful, do I absolutely loathe everything about my outward appearance?


If I catch myself laughing in the mirror, I immediately cringe at how stupid I look. My teeth are too small, my face too round, my nose too wide. If I see my reflection in a storefront window, I whip my head away, disgusted at the fact that I had the audacity to leave the house looking the way I do. I should not be happy or confident. I have not earned those things. And I may not ever earn them.



I should go back to therapy..."

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[Discussion] Food shopping?
/u/Backtotheidk
Created: Thu Apr 6 10:42:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63u426/food_shopping/
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Okay, so my parents will be gone for a week or so, and I need to do the food shopping for myself. Now I want to have some food because my boyfriend is coming over and I don't want to worry him and I also want to keep eating my regular 800 calories because I know that when I fast I always end up bingeing hard. I am writing my shopping list now and my question was just; What do you guys usually have on your shopping list and what sort of foods do you guys keep that are "safe" and keeps you sort of on track?

---

[Thinspo] Thinspo album
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Thu Apr 6 09:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63tnbm/thinspo_album/
---
I should be learning and doing something productive, but I made [this](http://imgur.com/a/xLFI8) instead...

*Edit*
Link: http://imgur.com/a/xLFI8

---

[Rant/Rave] I FIT INTO 28/32 JEANS NOW
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| IDK | ♂ |🇩🇰]
Created: Thu Apr 6 09:13:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63tj79/i_fit_into_2832_jeans_now/
---
Less than a year ago I was 31/32! Feels good!

---

Summer goals: day 5 check in
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 08:38:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63tbab/summer_goals_day_5_check_in/
---
I'm starting to really look forward to these threads!!!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What did you do well and what do you want to improve? ❤

---

[Help] Adderall alterntives
/u/TwistedPolly [5'4" | CW:134 | 23.00 | GW1:125 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 08:23:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63t8b7/adderall_alterntives/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] Birth Control
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 07:32:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63sxj3/birth_control/
---
It seems logical for me to go on the pill, but I'm terrified of the rumored weight gain. Does it really make you gain weight? Can you guys share your experiences with Birth Control? I know there are different pills with different consequences, but I don't want to go through all that trial and error at the risk of gaining. I have NO room to gain right now.

---

Weekly Emotional Support April 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 6 06:07:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63si0b/weekly_emotional_support_april_06_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 06, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 6 06:07:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63shzt/daily_food_diary_april_06_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] mfw i wake up and weigh myself, use the bathroom, weigh myself again and weigh MORE?!
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Thu Apr 6 05:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63sewt/mfw_i_wake_up_and_weigh_myself_use_the_bathroom/
---
https://19818-presscdn-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/067/5e/whiguyblink.gif

---

[Rant/Rave] I cried myself to sleep last night rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 6 05:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63s8fd/i_cried_myself_to_sleep_last_night_rant/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] Any good scale recommendations?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 48kg | 19.5 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Thu Apr 6 04:09:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63s0rz/any_good_scale_recommendations/
---
I got a cheap electronic scale from Argos a few months ago but I'm not sure it even works properly anymore. I weighed myself this morning and it said 51.1kg, tried again and it went up to 51.5, and now its saying 50.9?? I know it doesn't seem like a big difference but I can't stand not knowing if I'm making progress or not ;_; So, can anyone suggest a good scale for me to buy? Preferably one that's available on Amazon or somewhere available in the UK, thanks <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Just binged on peas and McDonald's sauce packets
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: way too much | gw1: 101 | 20f]
Created: Thu Apr 6 03:16:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ru9z/just_binged_on_peas_and_mcdonalds_sauce_packets/
---
I went out drinking last night even though I didn't really want to. Drunk ate McDonald's and when I was there stole 3 sweet and sour sauces. I woke up this morning sad. Like really fucking sad. I wanted to binge so bad, even though I know it makes me feel like shit. I have almost no food in my house besides some cans of beans and other random things. Also, I'm poor. I'm a uni student and because I've been binging on and off for 2 weeks I've spent A LOTTTT of money on binge / b/p food. Like, a lot. So I told myself I couldn't go buy anything. But I was still in binge mode. So what did I do? Eat the only food I had available... Dumped an entire bag of frozen peas into a bowl and microwaved it. Added lots of salt and butter. Also had 2 frozen 'chicken' nuggets in my freezer. Made those. Didn't even properly heat them all the way (luckily they were vegan so no food poisoning). Ate those, ate the bowl of peas. Still wanted more so I opened up the McDonald's packets and shoved them in my mouth. I feel disgusting. I wanted to fast today. I don't know why I do this to myself.

---

[Help] I can't stop ruining everything, HELP
/u/skeldog
Created: Thu Apr 6 02:05:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63rm4l/i_cant_stop_ruining_everything_help/
---
At the end of January I was 100lbs, 2lbs away from my GW and feeling good. Since then I have binged almost constantly, at least every few days, sometimes for days at a time. This morning I weighed 118lbs. I literally fucking hate myself. I feel bigger than I did at my SW (148).

I just don't know what to do anymore. When I fast now it ends with a binge. When I try and eat at maintenance I binge.

Losing weight was what brought me out of a long bout of depression. Now I feel worse than ever, I've been self harming again after almost 2 years free of it. Every day I wake up feeling like shit, promise myself things are going to change, then by the time I go to bed I've fucked everything up again, I'm so pathetic. I can't stand the sight of my body. When I'm around people I'm constantly just thinking about how they're probably silently judging me for putting so much weight on so quickly.

Thank you so much if you've made it through this wall of word vomit. I mostly just lurk here and used to be more active in the discord chat, but I've avoided both for months now because I feel like a fraud. So I know most of you won't know me, but I just have nowhere else to turn for help. Sorry, and thanks again if you read all this.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel like they lost their ability to restrict?
/u/smileyslimey [5'4.5|105|18|GW:95|F]
Created: Thu Apr 6 01:38:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63riwz/dae_feel_like_they_lost_their_ability_to_restrict/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant. Carry on
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Thu Apr 6 00:17:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63r8sj/rant_carry_on/
---
There are nights where I feel so scared and lost and so thrown off from what I deem as "control" and tonight is one of them.

It's almost funny how strong and invincible and productive I felt as I stared that toilet in the eye and tossed up as much as I could within...what 4 minutes?

Its 2 am and I felt a tinge of pain at my tooth and my greatest fear flashed in my mind--losing my teeth.

I'm terrified

Purging is a special kind of high and when it hits you at the climax, it will bring you down real fucking hard and you know it only when you've gone through these waves of emotions.

This is the lowest weight I'll ever be and I feel great but everything is not so great. My stomach balloons even when I have a regular meal. My teeth are becoming translucent. I'm growing pale. Eating gives me the greatest joy and the worst nagging fear. I'm 5"4 and I weigh 100 lbs, my knees clank together and my arms have shrunk so small. But my eyes grow red from the purge push, my stomach doesn't know which way to direct its peristalsis, my extremities have an odd tingle and the cold in my hands and feet happen in waves.

This isn't a way to live

This is a way to die

All the while feeling trapped between rushes and the lowest of all fucking lows, with fear and anxiety sprinkled in between

Purging is a special kinda of self hate.

---

[Rant] What a Terrible Week
/u/Latina_mia [5'2 | 133.8 | 25.35 | SW:164 | GW1:130 | -30.2lbs |20F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 23:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63r5nf/rant_what_a_terrible_week/
---
Sorry guys and gals, long rant. 🙊

This week has been so terrible (as the title says). I can't stop purging, and my throat is starting to feel sore. I've lacked the motivation to do schoolwork, text/email people, or leave my room. I've been trying to restrict, but all it's done is made me night binge again (i.e. I had a whole burrito with sour cream and cheese, guacamole and chips, chocolate milk, a tub of cookie dough Häagen-Dazs ice cream, Dr. Pepper, and two chocolate bars. Just today I had three purges, the last one being a b/p. I'm so tired of purging, but just the feeling of being full sends me to purge. I've spiraled out of control, and worst of all, I've plateaued.

---

[Help] Anyone know the Primatene purchase limit per month in California?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 23:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63r2eg/anyone_know_the_primatene_purchase_limit_per/
---
I bought 2 boxes today. But I've heard some people say the limit per month is 3 or 4, but I can't find any current info. I'm only in the states for a few more days, so I wanted to get my max.

---

I want to quit being a stupid ugly loser
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 23:29:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63r27f/i_want_to_quit_being_a_stupid_ugly_loser/
---
[deleted]

---

i hate my medication and i hate my body
/u/freakdonut
Created: Wed Apr 5 22:05:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63qpg7/i_hate_my_medication_and_i_hate_my_body/
---
here goes: another whiny post about my insecurities and my obsession with food and self pity.

long story short:
after puberty, i never weighed more than 105lbs , i am 5'5". i never felt like i had an ed but i always thought i was fat and that my body was abnormally shaped. (in reality, i looked wonderful)

now, i am 19 years old, still 5'5" and i weigh 150lbs.

that weight packed on to the worst places. my confidence is fucking gone and all i do is drink, binge and sleep. i used to purge, but i dont even have the energy to do that any more. i feel heavy, like every movement i make, i am making with another human being sitting on my fucking shoulders.


most recently, i stopped eating. after four pm i start to drink, limited to 1000cals. usually ends up being about 400-600 which i am fine with since it was originally meant to substitute food. but once it hits 9pm, i take my seroquel, effexor and xanax in preparation for bed.
once my pills hit me, all i can think about is food. my head hurts and my stomach is empty and i obsess no matter what i try to distract myself with.
tonight i fought the urge so far. i am in pain, and i am hungry.

but when i look at myself in the mirror, i don't see me anymore. all i see is how uncomfortable living in this body has become.

until i weigh 50lbs less than i do now, i know i will not see the beauty that i know is hidden away behind these layers of fat. i want to scream, i want to cut, i want to sleep and never wake up.

the end,
by me.
drama queen
attention seeker
chubby
naive
ugly
weak

---

[Other] Hearing it said out loud
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Apr 5 21:52:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63qnd8/hearing_it_said_out_loud/
---
So I'm not diagnosed with anything.
I talk to one of the counselors at my college a few times a month because I'm depressed. I've recently in the past few months have told him how fucked up my eating habits are. Today I was talking to him. And it came up in conversation how my dentist said my throat/tonsils looked bad and that I should see a doctor. And he said something along the lines of: "Usually dentists can tell if someone has bulimia or throws up frequently." I was just really taken aback by him using the word bulimia. Like I know I have bulimia or ednos, I'd be an idiot not to realize I have an ED, diagnosed or not, but just hearing it said out loud really kinda freaked me out and made me sad. Idk why

---

[Rant/Rave] My mom is talking about buying exercise equipment!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 21:09:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63qg27/my_mom_is_talking_about_buying_exercise_equipment/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] how do y'all lose weight on prozac AND birth control?
/u/get-it_together [5'3" | hahaha kill me | UGW 130 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 20:49:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63qcds/how_do_yall_lose_weight_on_prozac_and_birth/
---
I've had a binge eating problem forever, but the weight gain is never more than ten pounds before I lose it and rebound again.

After my psych upped my prozac dose and I changed from an IUD to the patch, I've gained like 30 pounds in three months. Going off either of them isn't possible right now, but I just don't know what to do because nothing's working. Does anyone have any experience????

---

[Rant/Rave] MY SCALE HAS BETRAYED ME
/u/ashlynlollis
Created: Wed Apr 5 20:35:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63q9ud/my_scale_has_betrayed_me/
---
So, I when I weighed myself yesterday morning, it read 129.3. About 3 hours later, I was weighed by the doctor (tbh v nerve wracking) and theirs read 119??? Scale??? Why???? Would??? You??? Do?? This?? To?? Me??

I think I'm gonna start using the one in the gym from now on because miNES A FUCK UP OF A MACHINE.

---

[Rant/Rave] Scared of purging. Scared to stop.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 20:33:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63q9fd/scared_of_purging_scared_to_stop/
---

For the past few months, I've been purging a minimum of two times a day. I am starting to feel the physical effects.. I'm exhausted, my eyes and my face hurt. My hands and feet are numb a lot. I'm scared my heart is going to stop. I have kids. They deserve better.

But I'm also scared to stop purging. I have to lose weight. I've done so well, I'm on my way. I can't stop.

Thinking of talking to my doctor about Vyvanse? Maybe if I'm not binging, I won't purge. Though I'm not sure this will help because lately my "binges" are smaller and smaller - I'm purging almost everything that enters my body, regardless of what it is or how much I have.

Sorry for the brain dump.

---

[Help] evening binging
/u/edthrowaways [5'5.5 | 130 | 21.9 | 0 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 20:31:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63q906/evening_binging/
---
Hi everyone,
I'm 16yo and about 2-3yrs ago I started losing weight really quickly, and I got to a really unhealthy weight for my height: I went from 141lb to 88lbs in about 4 months.
After going through recovery for 2yrs I regained back to a weight that was healthy, and I was comfortable with it: 50-52kg, but I was still very restricted and rigid in my food intake (which I liked) for about a year.
Starting over the past summer though, I seem to have lost this control as my parents started convincing me to be more relaxed in what I eat --> so in my stupidity I started to binge more and more because I thought that was what "normal" eaters do. Because of this, I have gotten to 132lbs, gaining ~17lbs in about 9months.
I really need to lose this weight quickly, and I don't want to go super underweight/unhealthy - my GW is 110-115lbs. However, one of my issues is that I live with my parents, and they are super sensitized to me not eating --> they check to see if I take a lunch everyday, they watch me eating breakfast and dinner, and make sure I take a large portion. I know I can bypass this by eating a small bfast and dinner and skipping lunch, but my issue is that I have gotten into the terrible habit of binging, and everyday after I eat at dinner, I binge about 1000cal more of bread, peanut butter, nuts, and cereal. It seems that after I eat a normal ~300-400cal dinner I get even more hungry and binge. If I don't eat anything after lunch, I don't binge, but my parents always make sure that I eat dinner so then I binge afterwards. This is preventing me from losing the weight, and I can't seem to stop it --> it's like I forget all my goals while I'm eating, and then feel terrible after.
I just really need some help stopping this binging, bc I hate myself so much now. I'm undisciplined, fat, and lazy, and I'm starting to feel like I don't want to go outside and do things that I would regularly do. I've always been known as the skinny one since after the extreme weight loss 2-3yrs ago, but now I'm getting fat and my friends are joking about how I'm letting myself go and whatever. I've read brain over binge, but I'm not really sure how to tangibly implement the strategies. I just need some help stopping these evening binges.

sorry for the wall of text, I'm just ranting and I feel so down right now

---

i feel so disappointed
/u/hereyesarethesky [5'6" | 142?:( | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 20:03:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63q3ss/i_feel_so_disappointed/
---
[removed]

---

[Other] Everyone grab your pillow real fast. [Other]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 5 19:46:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63q0h9/everyone_grab_your_pillow_real_fast_other/
---
And we're all gonna take a deep breathe... and then scream "Fuck" into the pillow as loud as we can.

Ready?

One...
Two...
Three...

FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK


WHEW. That was cathartic.

Ok carry on.

---

i'm at the dairy queen drive thru right now
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Wed Apr 5 19:39:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63pz99/im_at_the_dairy_queen_drive_thru_right_now/
---
i got two blizzards because got forbid i get one and this worker thinks i don't have friends or something

---

[Discussion] Has anyone made something like protein fluff?
/u/lonelysweetpotato [5'7 | 135 | 21.1 | -35 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 19:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63pvxw/has_anyone_made_something_like_protein_fluff/
---
I've never tried it but i know you can make something called protein fluff using Casein protein, xanthan gum, and liquid. Its really high volume and low calorie. I'm wondering if you can make it without the casein. Like maybe use sugar free pudding instead? Does anyone have suggestions?

[Here's a video/ recipe of it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR3Z028prSU)

---

[Rant/Rave] When will I stop ruining my own fucking life. Why can't I stop eating
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 18:52:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63pq6o/when_will_i_stop_ruining_my_own_fucking_life_why/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I tried drugs. But not for the high. [RANT]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 18:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63pjvm/i_tried_drugs_but_not_for_the_high_rant/
---
[deleted]

---

I can't stop eating in the middle of the night!
/u/confetticupcake4
Created: Wed Apr 5 17:42:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63pcdy/i_cant_stop_eating_in_the_middle_of_the_night/
---
On mobile, flair help please

I have been working so hard not to binge, and I've been doing a really good job for a while now. Recently during the day I'm having between 400-800 calories, but I'm always waking up in the middle of the night with a compulsion to eat. This has been a constant thing for me over the last few years and it's caused weight gain. Now that I'm doing better with keeping my calories in check it's even more frustrating because I feel like all my hard work during the day is thrown out. I should also mention that I take a lot of medication to help with insomnia, so I'm in somewhat of a trance when I do wake up in the middle of the night and go find food. Even when I have the bare minimum in my house I find something to eat. Does anyone else struggle with this? Any advice on how to prevent it?

---

[Rant/Rave] Hahah what have I done 🙃 (rant)
/u/sixribs [5'2 | CW130 | GW110 | 23.8 | -35 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 16:41:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63p0em/hahah_what_have_i_done_rant/
---
I met with my academic advisors and wow it was harsh. They told me that they think I have more potential and that they didn't agree with my decision to graduate a semester early, they thought the full-time job I already secured after graduation has no upward mobility opportunities, and that I should rethink my career plans and try to do better. Basically the guy said "you should really try a little harder/care more because what you have now is not cutting it".

I was so shook but managed to survive classes for the rest of the day even though I was zoning out like 90% of the time. Talked to my friends who didn't really get why I was upset. Intake was 2 pieces of sf gum and a Coke Zero until 6 pm.

Then I got home, immediately binged (even tho I wasn't hungry and I'd been so good about restricting the past 2-3 days), must have eaten 1500 calories in candy bars and then another 500 in lasagna. All before I started drinking lol.. which could have been another 500 calories tbh I'm too scared to check. And then went out for a smoke which finally stopped me. And I still don't know wtf to do.

Honestly the drinking smoking and binging just made everything worse. I called my mom for the first time in a month or two (we don't talk much) while I was pretty tipsy, idk what I expected. She basically said the opposite of the counselor, like "nah I think you're fine with your job" which I interpreted as "yeah idk I don't think you can do better". Like why would both of those upset me lol. I started crying while on the phone with her but I didn't want her to know how upset I was so I just hung up lol. Thought about calling my dad, didn't want to cry so I didn't. Talked to some other friends who said some generic shit like "every college student feels this way" like ok thats cool but honestly idc because it isn't helping me to know that. Now I'm dealing with the usual post binge guilt, listening to music and trying to sleep. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.

---

[Other] One of the more creepier things I've drawn 😭
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 16:09:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63otk5/one_of_the_more_creepier_things_ive_drawn/
---
https://i.redd.it/zmmjgu726tpy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this to myself
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Wed Apr 5 16:02:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63os23/why_do_i_do_this_to_myself/
---
For the last couple of days I've been incredibly sick. I think I had norovirus which has been going around where I live for a couple of months now. I lost two pounds pretty quickly from losing so much fluid. After feeling better I was still restricting and feeling good about myself.

Fast forward to yesterday and I met a friend at chilis. We both have a lot of crazy situations going on in our lives so we talked over margaritas. While I was talking my SO texted if I could get him food to go. I completely didn't mind and decided I should order food for myself bc we didn't have any at the house. As I was waiting for my food to come out I started noticing how huge everyone that worked at the restaurant was. Like holy moly they were all obese. I looked at the menu again and saw the calorie counts by the food and I was shocked!! It made sense why all the people who work/eat there are morbid.

I went home and ignored my food. I put it in the fridge for a later time. Well today my fatass decided to eat lunch at work (half a hamburger and some chips) and to bring the left over chips home. The whole way home all I could think about was eating those dang chips... so as soon as I got home I had the chips and the obese people dinner from the night before. It instantly upset my stomach and I regret every second of it. Worst part is I'm up 4pounds in weight. Wtf did i do to myself????

Why do I ruin all good things..

I felt so great eating lesssssssss uhhhhhhhh makes me hate myself

I contemplated purging the food but I thought it might have a larger impact if I make myself suffer feeling morbidly obese. I also have intense stomach upset from all of this. So let the punishment continue...

Edit: my words aren't well

---

I'm so obsessed with Buzzfeed food quizzes
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Wed Apr 5 15:56:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63oqtz/im_so_obsessed_with_buzzfeed_food_quizzes/
---
The ones with 'Build a meal/sundae/pizza/frappuccino etc. and we'll guess your ________'

Like I don't even care about my results. I just enjoy daydreaming about being able to eat nice things.

I'm so very hungry. I feel like I'll never be able to feel satisfied and comfortably full, I'll always be hungry for something. I never thought it'd make me feel so bad.

I don't have money for nice food anyway, I can only buy the cheapest things.

I am suffering

---

[Discussion] C/S keto
/u/Silverhope14
Created: Wed Apr 5 15:44:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63oo9g/cs_keto/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I wish my fiance cared
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | ☣️ | -56 lb | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 15:32:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63olmd/i_wish_my_fiance_cared/
---
I tell my fiance everything. He knows about when I started to cut, when I started purging (and when I didn't stop), and now he knows I'm restricting. He doesn't really seem to care. I confronted him about it via text and said something like "Well as long as I'm not purging you're fine with that right? You're cheering me on." And he replied that there's a difference between not caring and trusting my judgement. Lol, okay. Literally makes me shake my head. I just don't feel like he cares at all, and it hurts so badly. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I've had an eating disorder for a decade, and it started out as bulimia but has been more towards restrictive behaviors. I just want to eat anything and go throw it up to feel better. I told him I just wasn't going to talk with him about my eating disorder anymore, it just hurts. He even knows I post here daily, and doesn't care. Ugh. I'm feeling so down right now.

---

[Discussion] What are your goal weight rewards?
/u/manicdysfunction [5'3| 109| 19.31| GW: 101|22F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 15:26:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63oker/what_are_your_goal_weight_rewards/
---
I've finally started losing weight more consistently and I'm so stoked. I've decided that since it makes me feel better when I lose, I should reward myself! It's a huge deal and I've worked hard. My rewards:

110 lbs: a good external battery to charge my phone

107 lbs: a new diffuser for my essential oils so I can have one in my bedroom as well.

104 lbs: elephant pants (to clarify, those pants that profits are supposed to help save the elephants lol)

101 lbs: I actually have no clue yet and am open to ideas.

Does anyone else do anything similar to this? What are yours, if you do?

---

Tomato basil soul recipe ~50 cal per serving
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Wed Apr 5 15:21:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ojbz/tomato_basil_soul_recipe_50_cal_per_serving/
---
Made this awesome soup today. It's around 305 calories for the entire batch, but it makes a LOT. You could prob split it up into 5 or more servings easy.

I'm making mine in a crock pot so the house smells good and it gives the flavors time to soak in, but you could easily make it in 10 min on the stove.

Ingredients:

- 2lbs tomatoes w/ the core removed (160cal)
- 2 cups vegetable broth (20 cal)
- 1 bunch fresh basil (I say 5 cals cuz I'm neurotic, but it's actually more like 0 or 1)
- 2 tsp olive oil (80 calories)
- 3 tbsp tomato paste (40cal)

Throw it all in a blender/food processor and then heat it via crockpot or on the stove top.

Goes great with grilled cheese with a low fat slice of American and 45 calorie bread.

Edit: Also, if you like more bisque type soup with a little creamyness to it, you can add an oz and a half of Lucerne reduced fat cream cheese to the whole batch.

---

[Discussion] Obsessed with being perceived as special, elegant, almost untouchable
/u/notapeachpie [5'5 | GW: 118lbs | CW: 140lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 5 14:56:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63odiz/obsessed_with_being_perceived_as_special_elegant/
---


All I want is to be one of those girls with an amazing aura to her - elegant, brilliant, charming, effervescent. Instead, I feel loud, overbearing, dorky I'm a try-hard who can never charm the people I want to be like. Being skinny won't change everything but I feel like it'll be such a huge step. I can dress exactly as I like and look good. My body won't be vulgar anymore. I can look more ethereal, special, disciplined.

I know there are other factors at play, but I don't know how to influence them and it kills me, but it'll kill me less when I'm skinny.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else drink every night?
/u/wildstylemeth0d
Created: Wed Apr 5 13:18:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63nr0g/does_anyone_else_drink_every_night/
---
I;m curious. Every night for the most part I drink, anywhere from 2-4 glasses of wine, or on weekends vodka sodas, just seeing if there is anyone else who does this. I just get so bored at night and drinking wine makes everything more fun. I probably drink 3 nights a week and then every weekend night.

---

[Discussion] does weight make you look older or younger???
/u/typenaz [5'0| lol | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 13:09:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63nors/does_weight_make_you_look_older_or_younger/
---
im at an overweight bmi, and im CONSTANTLY mistaken for a 14-16 year old, and im going to be 20 in a month :/ i recently was mistaken as being part of a school group...yeah. people are always so shocked when i tell them im 19.

so im just curious as to whether the weight makes people look older/younger, and if i will ever actually look my age lol

---

[Other] Stacking and prozacking?
/u/_lithelife [5'5 | cw110.8 | -44 | gw106 | *formerly _pizzagirl*]
Created: Wed Apr 5 12:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63nh6c/stacking_and_prozacking/
---
So I recently decided to go back to therapy and got out on Prozac. I'd been stacking on and off with bronkaid (to keep tolerance low) but now idk if I could continue to stack while on Prozac.

The pharmacist said the only drug interaction that is problematic is sudaphed, so I would think that it would be in the same realm as bronkaid.

I don't want to have a heart attack, is this as risky as I'm afraid it is? I also really don't want to give up stacking, but my depression is out of control.

---

In treatment
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Wed Apr 5 11:23:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63mz9e/in_treatment/
---
I've gotten so fat even though after the hospital they said I'm was okay to be on a maintenance plan... I'm in a partial program and I'm so done with everything. It's been 6 weeks and I'm still not ready to recovery and I don't really ever want to.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rave]-l lysine supplement.
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Wed Apr 5 11:16:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63mxpn/ravel_lysine_supplement/
---
[removed]

---

I got weighed, broke down and cried at the doctor
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Wed Apr 5 10:48:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63mqwd/i_got_weighed_broke_down_and_cried_at_the_doctor/
---
I want to kill myself now. It was so bad. I've gained 15 pounds.

---

[Discussion] Crappy Food? [Discussion]
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Wed Apr 5 09:56:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63mect/crappy_food_discussion/
---
On mobile, please flair as discussion.

So lately i've been buying "the good stuff" (=everything unhealthy) in bulk because...yeah, I might be brain damaged. The last couple of days I ate some of it while still staying below my TDEE (and even below my personal calorie limit).

My question is: are there some of you who don't eat healthy (disregarding binges)? Because i'd rather eat chocolate or candy than healthy stuff with much fewer calories, and though I know that that's the opposite of healthy and not even reasonable, considering you can eat MUCH MORE if you eat food with a lower caloric density, I know I'll end up not "satisfied" after a bowl of veggies/a salad and just eat the crappy stuff afterwards anyways.

How healthy/unhealthy do you eat when you're restricting?
And do you have any tips to eat healthier without feeling that you have to "have" something sweet/greasy? Thanks :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Moving out of home - does it get better?
/u/unshifting
Created: Wed Apr 5 08:58:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63m139/moving_out_of_home_does_it_get_better/
---
Little bit of a rant inspired by weighing myself for the first time in months and realizing I am even heavier than I thought and feeling miserable and self-destructive:

So I've just finished college. Still living with my parents and planning on moving out before the end of the year. I just keep thinking to myself how much easier it's going to be to restrict when the food in the house will only be what I have chosen to buy (or not). No more ridiculous snacks that have been bought by other people and left around for me to binge on at midnight when I feel weak. I can drink nothing but peppermint tea all day and nobody will say a damn thing about it. (Sure, realistically I'll have housemates but we can keep our food separate which would make things far easier for me)

Basically I've eaten a whole bunch of chocolate today that someone bought and I long for a time when the only thing in my home is rice cakes and diet Coke :)

Have people here found that they were better able to control themselves once they moved out of home?

---

[Help] I'm so insecure about my butt...help (nsfw)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 08:45:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ly8x/im_so_insecure_about_my_butthelp_nsfw/
---
[removed]

---

Anyone here fasts to punish themselves for autism behavior issues?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 08:21:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63lt3z/anyone_here_fasts_to_punish_themselves_for_autism/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Summer goals: day 4 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 07:48:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63lm75/summer_goals_day_4_checkin/
---
Omg I just made a post and everything saying "day three" and didn't realize it was day four until I'd already commented. Oops. Anyway, day four! If you were on the other threads, hello again, and if you're just joining us, welcome!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What went well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

note: I'm on mobile and can't flair but it's meant to be tagged as "Goals"! thanks mods 😊

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 3 check-in!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 5 07:33:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ljae/summer_goals_day_3_checkin/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I've only lost 26 pounds in a year and a half..
/u/mckenziemudkip [5'2 | CW:106(-24) GW:88 | BMI 20.08| F/21]
Created: Wed Apr 5 07:00:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ld48/ive_only_lost_26_pounds_in_a_year_and_a_half/
---
* EDIT: 24 pounds, is what I meant. Even worse lel fml

Which is so fucking frustrating and disappointing. As many times as I've gained and lost the same five pounds, I could have been at my ultimate goal weight eons ago.

I just went on a Mac and Cheese binge Monday night. And it wasn't even good! I was too bingey to let the noodles cook all the way, so yeah - you can imagine how it wasn't very tasty. Plus the fact that night was the end to a four day binge.. I skyrocketed to 112lbs, and only this morning am I back to 106.6.

It just sucks. I keep telling myself I can do it, and I don't. I binge every single time..

Wish me luck. Maybe this time I will lose the six pounds and reach my first goal weight of 100.. but we'll see :(

---

[Help] shark week is upon me and all I want to do is EAT EAT EAT EAT
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Wed Apr 5 06:31:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63l80b/shark_week_is_upon_me_and_all_i_want_to_do_is_eat/
---
I just might go out and get a pack of frozen french fries and throw em in the oven..

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 5 06:09:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63l48g/way_to_go_wednesday_april_05_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for April 05, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 05, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 5 06:09:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63l47k/daily_food_diary_april_05_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Other] The food was gonna go bad soon
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 05:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63l287/the_food_was_gonna_go_bad_soon/
---
So I prepped some meals. I am too scared to eat them and I feel really guilty cause I might just throw them away and run screaming back to my safe foods. Ugh. I am the worst :/ but I really just want something safe and savory. I'm upping my calories today so I don't binge. If I stay less than 700 my 9 day average is 1197. Which is a million times better than 1200 for some stupid reason lmao. I just keep telling mself 1 more day of heavy restriction and I can go back to my normal 850 or less a day! Binge free day #2! I also have a goal to be a better person, parent, and girlfriend. My attitude was rotten yesterday and I was a rotten mom and gf. I made a deal with the kiddo to do better with listening and Id raise my voice less/be more calm when things get overwelming or bad. So I'm feeling the parenting guilt and planning to do much much better today. It's storming so I'm thinking netflix and chill with my wonderful little family will be a nice thing.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so happy!
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 5 04:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63kqwm/im_so_happy/
---
I'm losing weight, I have an amazing boyfriend and my mom is allowing me to get a cat. Sure, I'm lonely and my whole body aches and my dad is still a dick and he's dying and all that other stuff but I'm finally getting a cat!!! I've been super lonely and my mom finally said yes. Idk I just needed to tell someone, I'm sorry haha I'm just so excited

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[Help] Please, please help me.
/u/whitericeriver
Created: Wed Apr 5 03:46:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63kjps/please_please_help_me/
---
This whole post just reinforces what's stuck at the back of my mind; I'm self-absorbed. I'm so sorry. TL;DR: I'm lonely.
But regardless, here goes:

I never felt at home with my family and friends are easy to make but hard to keep. I am an extrovert by nature, sure, but there's so much inside my mind that I spend most of my energy there. One of my therapists had to ask me to stop seeing her because I was too intense for her, because I was "charming and unsettling".

When I developed an eating disorder there was finally this one thing I could connect with people about; on numerous platforms (reddit, Instagram, ect.) I could talk to people and understand what they said - not understand it more and become frustrated that they didn't.
But now I'm dissociating again, I'm drifting away because I am not like you guys anymore. I don't think I am fat. I am very aware of my weight, I simultaneously love and despise it; my BMI is 16.5 as of today for reference. All I see in these communities is about how fat you guys think you are, how much weight you want to lose.
Some of you are at a higher weight than me but we are all struggling with the same disorders and I don't understand why this is happening now. I know I am thin, I am not plagued by the desire to lose weight at all.
I lose weight because I enjoy feeling lighter I think, and to balance the gain I expect after particularly bad b/p sessions.

Sorry for this ridiculous rant I just feel so lonely and isolated and cold ):

---

[Discussion] [discussion] Any hospital thinspo/bonespo?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Apr 5 03:34:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63kidd/discussion_any_hospital_thinspobonespo/
---
You know you're sick when you think, "I'm never going to be good enough until in in the hospital".

I think I told you guys once about my weird fixation where ending up in the ED ward was like my Valhalla, the official, "Okay, I'm thin enough now. I did it. I won the war against fatness."

I'm almost afraid to ask, but does anyone know of any bonespo/thinspo with a hospital setting?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else here lie about little tiny details of their life just to make sure no one can trace them?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Wed Apr 5 02:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63k8hx/does_anyone_else_here_lie_about_little_tiny/
---
Am I just being paranoid?

---

[Help] Apps that let us set our own TDEE?
/u/LittleBlueEyes [29F/5'1", LW80, HW156.6, SW150, CW126.0, BMI24.86, GW110/BMI21.7]
Created: Wed Apr 5 00:27:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63jvze/apps_that_let_us_set_our_own_tdee/
---
I'm looking for an app that will let me set my own TDEE, because mine is abnormal due to medication I take.

Various websites tell me that at 5'1" I need anywhere from 1,535 calories to 1,678 calories each day to maintain my weight. But taking antipsychotics has really changed my metabolism, and those numbers are not correct. In late 2015 and all of 2016, I counted my calories and did a lot of calculating. After about 15 months of math, it turns out that I need to eat under 1,000 calories per day in order to maintain my weight. On 800-900 calories per day, I maintain my weight. On anything less than 800 calories per day, I will lose weight slowly. On 900-1,000 calories per day, I will gain weight slowly. I know this because I spent literally all of 2016 eating 1,000 calories every single day. In January 2016 I was 146 pounds, and by December 2016 I was 150 pounds.

I looked at the Lose It! app and downloaded it, but it only lets me set a "daily calorie budget". I mean, it's helpful to list how many calories I'm allowing myself each day, but I wanted an app that will let me list my TDEE, and show me the calorie deficit based on that.

Just in case I cannot find such an app, I did make a spreadsheet to chart all of this. Each entry has the date, the day of the week, my weight, my weight change from the previous day, my BMI, the calories I ate, and the calorie deficit (assuming my TDEE is 800). I'm open for suggestions of other items to chart in this spreadsheet!

---

How many calories do you generally eat in a day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 20:49:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ixza/how_many_calories_do_you_generally_eat_in_a_day/
---
[removed]

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Naked and Afraid
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Tue Apr 4 20:29:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63iuie/naked_and_afraid/
---
Anyone else here watch Naked and Afraid? It's great thinspo. Seeing how little they eat and how long they can starve themselves and then seeing their weight loss at the end? Ugh, makes me determined to lose that much!

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so irrationally angry
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Tue Apr 4 20:20:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63isr8/im_so_irrationally_angry/
---
My fiance and my roommate are both dieting (as well as me but yknow... not a fucking diet) but since they're way taller and have more muscle mass and are males they can eat like twice as much as me and still fucking lose weight faster than me. They've been in the kitchen snacking all night and talking about how they still haven't reached their calorie goals and I want to rip their heads off. I've been struggling to not way overdo it lately and all the snacks in the apartment and the times I just sit watching them eat drive me up the wall.

In other news I have been wavering right on the border of obese vs overweight bmi and the one day I got well enough below it to think it was real this time I fucking binged. But it wasn't even that bad! I only went over my bmr by about 600 yet somehow I gained and have been holding onto 3 fucking pounds!!!! UGH

I'm just complaining to complain really, though. Anyone else as irritated as I am tonight? 😒

Mobile, can't flair: rant

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[Discussion] Does anybody else have a huge rib cage?
/u/ohwhoaa [5'11"| CW 119.6lbs | GW 115lbs | BMI16.90 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 20:08:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63iqj7/does_anybody_else_have_a_huge_rib_cage/
---
Ugh my rib cage is huge and I don't think I'll ever have a flat stomach. Didn't people in the 1800's break ribs to look skinnier? Is that too much lmao

---

[Discussion] What's biting you at the moment? [Discussion]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 19:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ij36/whats_biting_you_at_the_moment_discussion/
---
For me it's that although the scales are showing some definite movement in the right direction, it's not happening fast enough. And when i get to my GW which is around 11lbs away, it won't be small enough and I'll be restricting more.

---

Someone I hardly know complimented my weight loss today!
/u/lululights
Created: Tue Apr 4 18:46:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63iayf/someone_i_hardly_know_complimented_my_weight_loss/
---
On mobile - rave

Today between classes at my university a girl I hardly know, but interact with occasionally, asked me if I'd lost weight!
I said yes, and she said
"I can tell! I remember you being plump, but now you're tiny!"
It bums me out that I would ever have been considered "plump," but, hey, at least some random (quite thin) girl sees me as "tiny!"

---

[Rant/Rave] I just had 8 pieces of milk chocolate and still stayed under 800 calories. Phew!
/u/MymlanOhlin
Created: Tue Apr 4 18:39:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63i9ne/i_just_had_8_pieces_of_milk_chocolate_and_still/
---
I had a hysteric craving for chocolate yesterday and caved in and bought a 200 g chocolate bar. I was really disappointed in myself today so of course I turned to the chocolate for help.

I'm just really proud of myself for still staying within my calorie limit. I guess I just wanted to tell someone about my accomplishment.

---

[Rant/Rave] Scared of relapsing and don't know how to tell my wife or even if I want to tell her.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 18:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63i6ws/scared_of_relapsing_and_dont_know_how_to_tell_my/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] do you ever binge just because there is food?
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 18:15:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63i4u8/do_you_ever_binge_just_because_there_is_food/
---
like sometimes i wont even be hungry but because there is food already made or something that will go bad in a week or something i end up eating it. like i convince myself that i have to eat it because it is just super wasteful to not but then i feel like crap anyway because i binged. its a never ending cycle...

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How did you start exercising?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 17:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hywo/how_did_you_start_exercising/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] People aren't people to me anymore
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: ???]
Created: Tue Apr 4 17:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hyl3/people_arent_people_to_me_anymore/
---
I was out today and noticed that, though I've always been one to not make eye contact/barely look at people's faces, I've gotten to the point where I just view people as disembodied parts?

I'm constantly sort of body checking other people and comparing myself to their legs/thighs/arms/etc.?

I feel sort of cruel about it. I mean, obviously I'd never voice any of these comparisons to anyone and it's primarily only complete strangers I do it with (i.e. if I actually am speaking with someone, I see them as an actual person and not just a system of body parts), but isn't that literally objectifying people? Projecting my eating disorder onto others?

Ahh, the moral grey areas of my disordered mind!!!!!!!

---

[Discussion] DAE Have really unusual thinspo?
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 17:37:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hxg5/dae_have_really_unusual_thinspo/
---
I interact with animals every single day of my life, and sighthounds are a huge source of thinspo for me. They are absolutely gorgeous, they are so thin and skeletal that I think they look perfect. Examples of sighthounds:

[Greyhounds](https://www.pets4homes.co.uk/images/articles/1071/large/learning-more-about-sighthounds-5224ca75f21f7.jpg)

[Borzoi](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8e/e3/d9/8ee3d9786d7f8cb15059680dc98970b5.jpg)

[Saluki](http://www.arabamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/saluki.gif)

[Silken Windhound](http://www.allagantesilkens.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/Xena/IMG_8678.jpg)

[Azawakh](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/18/87/1b/18871be9bcefa72bf80950c04bcf639f.jpg)

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[Rant/Rave] New bf likes to wrap his hands around my hip bones and rib cage
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 16:45:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hmv6/new_bf_likes_to_wrap_his_hands_around_my_hip/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] A lot of times I buy binge food and then immediately throw it out.
/u/d_25 [5'10 | CW: Baby Elephant | GW: 125 | 17M]
Created: Tue Apr 4 16:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hmo5/a_lot_of_times_i_buy_binge_food_and_then/
---
I wonder how much money I'd have if I didn't impulsively buy so much shit that I'm too afraid to eat. There are times when I'll even throw out what I just bought in the garbage can right in front of the store. People must look at me like I'm crazy.

Could I hate myself even more? I'll let you know next time I waste butt loads of money ^\^.^

---

[Rant/Rave] Really wish my emotions weren't so tied to food
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 16:23:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hi86/really_wish_my_emotions_werent_so_tied_to_food/
---
Miss my boyfriend? Lay in bed and starve myself while watching meanspo. Anxiety? Work out until I'm sick. Angry? Chocolate will fix it. Smh.

---

i had to re-think eating celery.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 16:00:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hddp/i_had_to_rethink_eating_celery/
---
[deleted]

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I just want to hide away until I reach my GW.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 15:50:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63hb58/i_just_want_to_hide_away_until_i_reach_my_gw/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] The weirdest thinspo
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Tue Apr 4 15:27:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63h624/the_weirdest_thinspo/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsCWoLYxzaE

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[Rant/Rave] I ate a whole sleeve of Thin Mints and I don't think I threw it all back up.
/u/ErizaPequena
Created: Tue Apr 4 15:04:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63h0wn/i_ate_a_whole_sleeve_of_thin_mints_and_i_dont/
---
After eating it and drinking some milk, I chugged a dark beer and some water and a little bit of warm salt/mustard water and gagged myself several times, and after throwing up the beer and some of the cookies, some of the stuff I ate for breakfast started coming back up but I know I didn't get all of the cookies. I feel like they're still in there somewhere but I can't make myself purge any more right now.

---

55 calorie ramen
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Tue Apr 4 14:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63gxms/55_calorie_ramen/
---
Hey guys, just made this awesome ramen that was super low calorie, really filling, and deliciousssss.

Here's the recipe:

- 2 cups broth (I use a 10 calorie bouillon cube and make it into broth)
- 1/2 cup of zuccini (15 cal)
- 3 mushrooms (15 cal)
- 1/2 cup bean sprouts (10 cal)
- Pinch of green onion (5 cal)

1. Bring the broth to a boil
2. Use a spiralizer (got mine on the wish app for $1) to make zuccini noodles. You could also just slice them up, but it makes it feel more rameny when they're noodles.
3. Place noodled zuccini into broth and let boil until tender ~3 min
4. When noodles are halfway done, throw in sliced mushrooms
5. Pour into bowl, top with bean sprouts and green onion. Enjoy! Can also add lime juice to flavor the broth.

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[Help] Calories 'absorbed' before purging?
/u/confetticupcake4
Created: Tue Apr 4 14:17:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63gpxf/calories_absorbed_before_purging/
---
I know I'm supposed to flair, but I'm on mobile and I can't figure it out!

Does anyone know how quickly calories are taken in in the time that food is in your stomach before purging? I've been struggling with my ED for 13 years and I still don't know the answer to this even though I've been trying to figure it out pretty aggressively. Also, same question with c/s. I'm trying so hard to stop purging and I don't know why, but I feel like having some clarity on this may help me.

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[Rant/Rave] Why am I so heavy?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Tue Apr 4 14:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63gp8y/why_am_i_so_heavy/
---
My scale says 140. Based on how I've been eating I should weigh less. My shorts are loose again. My hip bones feel sharper, they never feel that way at 140... Why am I 140 pounds? Kill me

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[Rant/Rave] Want to scream and cry! :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 13:53:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63gk3q/want_to_scream_and_cry/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What do you guys think about /r/normalnudes?
/u/smileyslimey [5'4.5|105|18|GW:95|F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 13:47:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63giu6/discussion_what_do_you_guys_think_about/
---
I used to be obsessed with that sub. I mean, most people don't come across many naked people in their everyday life and I'm so fascinated by the human body.

Sometimes it even makes me feel better about myself when I'm thinner than most posters (this sounds so awful, I'm sorry). And the very thin girls are great thinspo because I feel like they are so "realistic". Recently there was a post by an underweight girl and everyone was complimenting her which was really motivating for me.

Does anyone feel the same?lol

I'm also open for recommendations on similar subs that show bodies in a "realistic" and not overly posed or sexual way.

---

[Rant/Rave] Intrusive thoughts
/u/ethereal-sea-nymph [5'3 | CW 106 | GW: idek | Female]
Created: Tue Apr 4 13:38:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ggqa/intrusive_thoughts/
---
I don't deserve to eat. I don't deserve to be a mother. I don't deserve to live. I'm supposed to be maintaining (or even gaining, technically) but I just want to starve myself until I'm gone. I want to be gone. How am I supposed to "recover" while my brain is still so messed up?? I don't know how to cope with all these horrible self-destructive thoughts without restricting. I used to be okay. I used to have so much self love and self worth. Now every day I just want to die.

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[Rant/Rave] My body hates me
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 13:35:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63gfyo/my_body_hates_me/
---
So for a while I tried to get back to "normal" eating (aka somewhere around 1200 cal). Welllll that didn't work out. I'm back to restriction again. But now every time I eat a regular meal, I get sick. I guess that could be a good thing??? My body probs hates my crazy eating habits.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Has anyone here successfully increased their libido?
/u/MeMyselfAndCarbs [5'3" | 110.6 | 24F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 13:22:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63gcxa/discussion_has_anyone_here_successfully_increased/
---
Since relapsing almost a year ago, my sex drive as basically -if not completely- disappeared. I have zero interest in being touched and it's definitely having an effect on my relationship. Any tips for increasing libido? :(

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[Discussion] How do you shop for your constantly changing body? [Discussion]
/u/lileruneal
Created: Tue Apr 4 12:47:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63g4nt/how_do_you_shop_for_your_constantly_changing_body/
---
So I've had a recent relapse after some significant weight gain and I'm losing the weight slowly but surely and I feel better. But I also feel like I look even grosser in clothes that don't really fit well now. I mean baggy clothes look great when you're skinny but I'm not skinny, so I just feel frumpier than ever.

I threw out most of my tiny clothes from like 2 years ago after giving up on ever weighing that again. But I don't want to buy new clothes yet because I'm still 30 pounds away from my goal weight and (hopefully) those will be too big. What are some things you guys do or wear in between your starting weight and goal weight?

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[Rant/Rave] I missed you guys
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 143.2 | 20.4 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 12:36:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63g1xz/i_missed_you_guys/
---
Incoherent rant incoming, I just need to feel like someone is listening :(


I've been gone for a while- after I hit my first GW I thought it would be ok to try and maintain (which I did, shockingly), then my boyfriend was looking over my shoulder and saw a post on here and made me promise I wouldn't go on this sub any more. So I didn't. And now everything's become overwhelming and I've started to see all the little ways he exerts control over me and I've realized I'm not happy. I'm going to break up with him today. So if you somehow know my username, B, I'm sorry, and also stop fucking invading my privacy.


So of course school is also incredibly busy this week. I feel sad and empty and hollow and it's only fair that I want to make my body empty and hollow too. Because as much as it sucks to end a yearlong relationship, as much as it's hurtful and jarring and confusing and sad, a little part of me is happy. Happy that I can restrict again. Happy that I can live life the way I want without anyone looking over my shoulder. Happy that my body will once again be my own.

---

[Thinspo] Lily Collins
/u/lethalhamartia [5'1 | ? | UGW: 83 |F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 12:34:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63g1ki/lily_collins/
---
https://i.redd.it/8w5eao1vykpy.jpg

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[Discussion] Followup: Washington University Research group survey on social media and well-being
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 12:28:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63g00i/followup_washington_university_research_group/
---
Hello /r/proED!

First of all, thank you for being an exemplary community. The Washington University Research group, who devised the survey many of you participated in over the past weekend, stated that we provided great feedback for the work that they're doing.

They've also offered to share some of the results that they received from us. For instance,

- what proED participants listed as advantages and disadvantages of socially networking online about body image
- the rate of proED participants who reported feeling stress/anxiety
- etc.

Please consider yourself welcome to request (via reply below or [PM to Mod inbox](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)) specific items from the survey that you’d like the data on, and we'll ask the iCHASM team to send us those results.

---

[Discussion] How much do you usually gain over the weekend?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Tue Apr 4 11:32:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63fmb3/how_much_do_you_usually_gain_over_the_weekend/
---
Or do you? Over the past two weeks, I've been losing a pound a day during the week and gaining a pound a day back during the weekend like clockwork.

I still count and track everything in MFP, and I'm not even eating anything crazy over the weekend (think 700-1000 calories on the weekend instead of the 400-600 I have during the week). It's crazy the amount of restricting my body requires in order to lose weight.

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 3 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 11:29:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63flfr/summer_goals_day_3_checkin/
---
We've made it to day three! Hope everyone's been having a good day, and if you haven't, talk about it and we'll try and make you feel better :) And if you have, talk about it and we'll celebrate with you!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What's going well and what do you want to improve on? ❤

---

[Rant/Rave] i miss my disorder? [vent]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 11:17:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63fiii/i_miss_my_disorder_vent/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] Heyo~
/u/kipperonis [5'4.5" | CW: 107 | GW: 105 | 20M]
Created: Tue Apr 4 11:00:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63fec7/heyo/
---
I've been popping in for the last while or so, but I've not done a proper intro until now.

I've had relatively obsessive anxiety since I was 7 and wonder of wonders, the main thing I zoned in on was calories and nutritional content. I never ate that much because I was a really small child who didn't *need* that much food, but my family always pushed me to eat more. I think I started having restrictive cycles when I was...13? Whenever the amount of food my family wanted me to eat and how much I was actually able to eat started to align, haha.

I have a whole host of other head sicks out to get me too, some of which I've only recently discovered, so I've gone from trying to get As this term in uni to just trying to pass lmao.

In terms of interests and such, I play guitar (but not that well), dabble in creative writing, and...really like dogs. I basically just use Instagram to look at dogs.

So that's me, nice to meet you~

---

[Discussion] Is salvaging my health an impossibility w/out recovery?
/u/daeboo [5ft2/lmfao]
Created: Tue Apr 4 10:28:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63f6p8/is_salvaging_my_health_an_impossibility_wout/
---
Mildly misleading title. Really I was just curious about this sub's experiences maintaining decent/functional health conditions at low weights, or while heavily restricting.

As for my situation, I'm 85lbs now. Believe it or not, its pretty acceptable for my body type/height, period has returned, look like less of a corpse all the time. But I'm deficient in pretty much every nutrient in existence and fucked with a barrage of health problems, despite a crazy supplement regime.

Am I just deluding myself by thinking I can fix my health without gaining? Given that I'm already at an unacceptable weight :(

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[Rant/Rave] I don't want anyone to notice I've lost weight
/u/tinycashew [5'6.75" | 120.6 | 19.00 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 10:13:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63f346/i_dont_want_anyone_to_notice_ive_lost_weight/
---
I don't want them to notice my body at all. If they think I'm skinnier now, then what did they think about me before? Did they consciously think of me as not-thin? I just want my physical existence to be like, something that's so un-noticeable that nobody ever thinks about it.

But if it's not noticeable, then what even the fuck is this all for???

Ugh.

---

[Thinspo] Kate Bosworth
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Tue Apr 4 10:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63f233/kate_bosworth/
---
http://imgur.com/a/gWlbi

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[Rant/Rave] I've plateaued for the first time ever and I'm kind of freaking out
/u/lululights
Created: Tue Apr 4 09:59:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ezn9/ive_plateaued_for_the_first_time_ever_and_im_kind/
---
On mobile - rant.

If you all recall, I posted a few weeks back about taking plan-b, freaking out about the potential weight gain.

Good news - I'm not pregnant!
Bad news - since my period, I have not lost a single pound

I've been restricting on the weekdays, but the weekends come and I binge like a fucking idiot. It's like I lost every ounce of my self control. I'm so disgusted with myself, and I'm so close to my goal, but I CANT STOP EATING. Vacation is in 2 months and I was so excited to look small in my bikini. I guess it's another year of t-shirts and one piece bathing suits.

Sorry for the brain dump, friends. I'm a wreck.

---

[Discussion] Wanting to be thin to control people's perceptions of you?
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 09:01:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63emei/wanting_to_be_thin_to_control_peoples_perceptions/
---
Whenever I try to figure out a goal weight, I tell myself I'll stop when I'm so skinny that that's the first thing you'd notice about me; when that's my most obvious feature; when if you needed to describe me, your first instinct would be to refer to me as "the skinny one."

I finally realized, I think it's a desire to control people's perceptions of me. I'm so fucking self-conscious that every time I step out in public, I assume everyone is judging everything about me, so I want to be so skinny that that's all they notice. If they're too busy paying attention to how thin I am, they won't be paying attention to all the other shit I'm self-conscious about.

I know that if I reach my goal weight, some people will think I'm "too thin" and think it's gross, but that doesn't bother me because it's something I chose, something within my control. That feels safer than having them judge me for something I can't control.

Anyone relate to this?

---

Let's get some motivation. What's the most you have ever lost in a week?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 4 08:25:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63eete/lets_get_some_motivation_whats_the_most_you_have/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Why do we want to be thin so bad? Someone tell me.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 08:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63eaaa/why_do_we_want_to_be_thin_so_bad_someone_tell_me/
---
I don't get it myself. Why isn't my body good enough for me? I'm skinnier than most people but I still feel gross and obese. Ugh.

---

[Thinspo] thinspo tumblr?
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Tue Apr 4 08:01:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63e9v7/thinspo_tumblr/
---
hey everyone! i just made a thinspo tumblr the other day and was wondering if anyone else has one? i need more people to follow. :)

[here's mine](https://tiny-bites.tumblr.com/)

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[Rant/Rave] "It's an addiction you know" (rant/rave)
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 07:15:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63e10u/its_an_addiction_you_know_rantrave/
---
I can't tell if I'm upset that my SO was able to call out my illness or happy?

Although that is the way of EDNOS. Lately I've been on the "I can be better" cycle of this after months of restriction. And last night in the shower my boyfriend and I were talking and I made the comment that I didn't want to be doing this anymore. The only eating things that have labels and crying if there isn't a label or I find alternative fact (lol) about the label. Like how my hot sauce is actually 5 calories not zero...

And he said something that my stupid little brain never processed and that was

It's an addiction.
And he's right...
I while I have a beautiful personality have an addictive personality as well. And I get high off the control. I get high off of hating myself and the hate produces the weight loss and the numbers going down reinforce the cycle.

Now I have no clue where I'm going to go with this information (cause we all know it probably won't be recovery)... but maybe it will influence something inside me.

I mean I haven't been able to weigh myself since Friday cause my dads been home sick, (I've gotten measuring tape though and you can bet your ass I've been measuring myself every day) and I haven't worked out since Tuesday because life has got in the way. So like I'm basically recovered right 😂

I hope your Tuesday is solid have a great day lovelies

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A April 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 4 06:09:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63dpej/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_april_04_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 04, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 4 06:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63dpdj/daily_food_diary_april_04_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] Mom said I looked great
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 03:34:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63d3l4/mom_said_i_looked_great/
---
Thanks Mom... It's just a week of starving myself, no big deal

---

[Discussion] Anyone else dabble with zero waste?
/u/krebsunicycle [5'7" | 114 lbs | 17.79 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 4 00:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63cfcy/anyone_else_dabble_with_zero_waste/
---
A friend of mine is doing a zero waste challenge and asked me to join her. For those who are unfamiliar, the idea is that you try to not produce any waste that will be sent to a landfill.

I've always had a bit of a connection between reducing food waste and eating less in general, but being zero waste has really upped the ante. I love it! I have such strong motivation to only buy whole foods (fruits, veggies, dried beans, etc.). And now I have the perfect excuse to turn down packaged snacks! I can no longer keep "easy" snacks in my pantry, pretty much everything is made from scratch.

I love that it gives me some sense of purpose and control in my day to day life. Anyone else here live a zero waste lifestyle or have an interest in it? I'd love to hear your thoughts and tips!

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant about my LARP
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Mon Apr 3 23:56:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63cdj1/rant_about_my_larp/
---
So I do LARP. No idea if any of you have heard of or play VTM but that's what it is. I cannot write out a feeding scene or act one out. I just can't. Isn't that dumb? I can't act out drinking imaginary blood. I just cannot do it. At all. I also can't talk about my physical stats. I get so uncomfortable. Like if I try to buff my physicals using blood----- Well that means your character gets fitter. I don't like thinking about it. (Also why can't it be that easy. Spend some blood, instant fitness). I'm not grossed out about blood. I've eaten blood-based foods before.

**[TW]** I was more comfortable with the scene where I got raped than I am doing a feeding scene. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? The rape scene was a lot of fun. I got another player's character killed for it! Yay! Go me! My biggest enemy for Diablerized (got his soul eaten and he can never come back. It's way worse than dying) It's World of Darkness so rape, murder, basically anything bad that can happen to a person does happen to a person. As an aside the story tellers do ask if you're comfortable with rape and other extremely sensitive topics. And I am. **[/TW]**

I obviously can't be like "Ok, well I'm not comfortable talking about or doing any body stuff at all." The game has many obese women (who are all somehow still extremely pretty, go figure) and it's a very body positive lot. I'm not as big as the majority of women there but well.... I'M HERE IN THIS SUBREDDIT SO I'M FAT and NEED TO STOP EATING. My god I've gotten off topic.

Anyway. Very body positive- both the men and women. Very progressive group. I don't think I could explain that I'm ok with a lot of fucked up shit happening to my character- but not a feeding scene. I feel like that'd be really hard to explain...

---

[Intro] I really hate myself.
/u/taiolhctt [5'4 | 137.5 | too high | 0 | f]
Created: Mon Apr 3 23:56:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63cdiv/i_really_hate_myself/
---
Once you develop an eating disorder it's really impossible to ever have a healthy relationship with food. About a year and a half ago I was under 100 pounds. I wanted to lose more but I could look at myself at least. I got attention from guys. I could try on clothes at the store and actually looked good in them. It was the one thing I had control over in my life. At this point I've lost all control. It's probably some kind of BED but I weigh more than I ever have. I just weighed in at 137.5 lbs. I can't even believe it looking at that number. Over the past year and a half I've repeatedly tried and failed to get back down but the number keeps climbing. Every time I think *this* time will be different. But it never is. I hate the way I look. I look frumpy and feel terrible. I avoid people because I'm sure they notice how much I've gained just recently. I just can't stress enough how terrible I look and feel. At least when I was skinny I had something to hold on to. Now I just want to die. But hey, maybe this time will be different. Probably not though.

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[Thinspo] Tiny Waist Thinspo :)
/u/Echolaura [5'10.6"| 138| 18.9| -31| F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 23:14:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63c7n7/tiny_waist_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/fGBfQ

---

[Rant/Rave] Today I had a brief moment of clarity
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 3 22:29:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63c0s0/today_i_had_a_brief_moment_of_clarity/
---
that made my insides jump up. "I'm not perfect," a voice in my brain said, "and that's okay." And I was at peace with my imperfections—my body—my hang-ups.

That lasted all of five seconds and now I'm back to worrying about water weight.

---

[Help] Reached a new LW and lowered my appetite after months of restriction and intermittent fasting. Binged on and off for a week and a half and now I can't go back to old restriction level due to ravenous hunger. Help?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 21:05:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63bn4x/reached_a_new_lw_and_lowered_my_appetite_after/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] Because kiwi birds are extinct... get it? [Intro]
/u/danceswithkiwi [5'8 | GW: 117 | -23lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 3 20:59:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63bm2a/because_kiwi_birds_are_extinct_get_it_intro/
---
I finally have the time and laptop battery charge to post my intro. I've been on this sub for about a month, posting food diaries and commenting occasionally, but I never formally introduced myself.

Hi. I'm danceswithkiwi. I swing the EDNOS way with cycles of extreme binges or extreme restriction. I was a slightly chubby kid who became a slightly chubby adult who once lost weight the healthy way. Then the trauma happened. I won't go into specifics right now, but it triggered my restriction cycles. I loved feeling control over myself. I got addicted to the fasting high. It wasn't about weight loss at the time, it was a way for me to regain control of my life. Every time I "recover" though, and try to eat normally, I spiral into huge binge sessions that stack pound after pound on to me until the manic control obsessions come back and I'm restricting again.

Anyways. I'm 24, female, I'm working on my Master's degree right now. I have four dogs who I love ferociously, I love anime and video games, and I dress super stereo typically goth (fite me outside Hot Topic).

Nice to meet you all, thank you for the support I've gotten so far and I hope to be of help to all of you. Tomorrow is always a new day!

---

Is there an app that allows you to share/see what your friends are eating?
/u/txla107 [5'5" | CW:133 lb GW:115 | 21.8 | +10 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 20:43:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63bj8a/is_there_an_app_that_allows_you_to_sharesee_what/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] these legs could actually be mine someday and I feel incredibly motivated by that
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Mon Apr 3 20:38:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63biax/these_legs_could_actually_be_mine_someday_and_i/
---
http://i.imgur.com/t0PAKIz.png

---

[Rant/Rave] So angry at myself
/u/iwillbesmall [5'6" | 119lbs | F25 | GW: 99]
Created: Mon Apr 3 20:06:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63bcdo/so_angry_at_myself/
---
It always seems like when I casually restrict I lose some. But when I set goals like "I'm going to lose 7lbs in 3 weeks!" Type Goals. I end up gaining 9 lbs in one and a half weeks. Which sucks. Because that's what happened. Now I'm stressed to the max and am going to try my hand at fasting again....at least I've taken up running.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] kinda a weird binge, and a bright side.
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 19:01:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63b05n/rantrave_kinda_a_weird_binge_and_a_bright_side/
---
So I binged on a total of 1339 calories today. I know that exact number because while grabbing candy and pasta I weighed and logged every bit. I've never done this during a binge, it confused me as I was doing it but I guess I had gotten back into the habit so much it was compulsive. I've even been tracking my water intake.

It was kinda nice knowing the total wasnt so bad, and seeing it so plainly stated it was more fact than guilt and shame.

I also realized WHY I binged. I had just gotten back from a stressful test, and I have an even more stressful test coming up I'm terrified I won't do well enough in. I might have actually convinced myself I won't do good enough. Which is why I've been putting off studying.

I've been meticulously tracking my intake lately, or otherwise mini binging, c/s, estimating calories, looking for low cal drinks, planning meals, buying and occasionally throwing away food and generally using food as a distraction. Anything to avoid thinking about being a failure.

So with this information I'm going to do what i think is best for me right now, I'm going to slide my loseit app over by all the other rarely used apps and stop counting for now. I have a natural inclination to estimate and pick the lowest cal option, so I'm confident I won't gain more than maybe a pound (I think that's okay) but I'm not gonna stress over food.

In the past when I stopped counting it was because I was in a bad place and ate my feelings and didn't care about the number on the scale or anything else. This time I'm doing it for self care. I'll spend all my extra time taking care of my skin, exercising, and studying. And I will have snacks while studying and staying up late. And caffeine 😊

---

[Rant/Rave] Gained weight, I want to SCREAM
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Mon Apr 3 18:52:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63ayl7/gained_weight_i_want_to_scream/
---
Hello everyone!! Long time no see, I've come in with my normal rant points.

I had an increase of 6 pounds and I can't help myself around food. My depression has been so bad lately that all I feel like I can turn to is food. I had a really hard binge last week and it was the contribution to my gain.

Now I've been forcing myself to watch shows and things about people losing large numbers of weight to motivate me. Also been trying to exercise two hours at least of cardio specific work. So it makes me feel better about eating like a little bit and still feeling like I'm not going crazy.

So, all I'm just hoping for this week is that I can lose those 6 pounds I am so painfully aware of. 😭

[mobile/rant]

---

[Goal] [goal] A Small Victory
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 18:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63atl2/goal_a_small_victory/
---
I have officially gone three days without binging!! This may not seem like a lot, but its pretty significant for me considering that im trying to get back on track after binging for a month straight and ruining all of my progress.

I'm proud of myself for the first time in a while :)

---

Looking for fasting/restricting support (that will go both ways of course!) during the next ten plus days?
/u/thunderbirdandspice [5'10" | 136 | 19.5 | -10 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 17:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63aedd/looking_for_fastingrestricting_support_that_will/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] Rant/Question: Is anyone else really bad at losing weight?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 16:57:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63abur/rantquestion_is_anyone_else_really_bad_at_losing/
---
I realized today that I've been trying to lose the same 5-7 pounds for the past three years now. That should be totally doable, right? But for some reason I just can't make it happen. At first I was like, "I need to be eating even less, I need to be exercising more, I need to start weighing my food, I need to only eat things that have the calories printed on the package...." But I have an eating disorder. I know how much I'm taking in and how much I need to be eating a day. I could understand slower progress than expected, but nothing? How is that possible? I've been eating less than 800 calories a day for three years and there's no way that my BMR is that low...does anyone know what might be up?
I'm starting to worry that there's some sort of underlying medical issue, but I can't ask a doctor about it because I've always been on the border of underweight naturally and any mention of my weight to a doctor is just met with "yeah, you should probably gain a few pounds".

---

[Rant/Rave] Feeling Empty. [RANT]
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 153 | 24.7| -32| F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 16:43:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63a8vu/feeling_empty_rant/
---
I tried "recovery" for four days. At first when I was losing weight i was doing it in a healthy way but I spiralled back into disordered eating. I have a wedding in two weeks and prom in a few months and I need to maintain my weight so we don't have to get the dresses altered again. Since trying to recover I feel completely empty. I haven't weighed myself in four days and I have zero incentive to do anything. I have no reason to get up because I'm not going to weigh myself. I have nothing to plan my day around or obsess over. I am eating like shit and spending mad money on food. I feel gross. I threw up because I ate so much earlier. Not because I wanted to throw up but because my body couldn't hold the food. I cannot do this. I have been masturbating like constantly because the only thing I am as obsessive over as food is sex. I'm disgusting. I need to start restricting again. My dinner tonight is gonna be 300 calories and I am so excited about how calorie efficient it is gonna be. I'm awful. Without restriction my life has no purpose. I change my clothes constantly to see how i look in different things and different ways. I need to obsess over something. There is no way I can eat normally. Either I gorge myself or I need to starve. There is no balance. I don't know what to do.

---

[Discussion] Physical (fatal) consequences of b/p
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 16:37:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63a7ob/physical_fatal_consequences_of_bp/
---
I just watched this video and it shocked me. It showed how fatal b/p can be. Watching this has changed my mindset a bit.
Idk if this kinda content is allowed on the sub (mods, feel free to remove). Just felt like I really needed to share this but didn't know where.

You frequently see in the media how AN is considered really dangerous and fatal because of starvation etc. But I never really thought about how dangerous bingeing could be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZZu7oLPQOQ

---

[Help] Can anyone attest to their boobs having changed? Sorry if TMI
/u/m_inimal
Created: Mon Apr 3 16:23:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63a4tk/can_anyone_attest_to_their_boobs_having_changed/
---
When I went through puberty, I put on a lot of weight very quickly. I went from being the classic beanpole shape to mini-Shrek within the span of a year. Pretty much since then, my weight has gone up and down, up and down. At my absolute highest weight, I think I was around 160 and my boobs were almost a D cup. Now I'm about 125ish and a B.

However, I HATE my boobs. I don't know if it's due to them having sprouted so fast during puberty, or the fact that I've gained and lost weight so many times, but they're just too saggy for a 21 year old body. It breaks my heart every time I see another girl's boobs my age and they're just round with the nipples pointing up. It's like, is that too much to fucking ask? That's the normal, average, healthy breast shape for a woman my age. I'm at the point where I don't even care how small they get; I can go back to training bras for all I care. Just as long as the shape improves, even marginally....

Does anyone have experience with this?? Has your boob shaped changed at all with weight loss? What about the size? Thank you <3

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[Rant/Rave] The secret that dieticians don't want you to know...
/u/bloodyhellron [5'6 | 155 | 25 | -15| F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 16:14:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63a2ti/the_secret_that_dieticians_dont_want_you_to_know/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Happy Monday! For your viewing pleasure...
/u/m_inimal
Created: Mon Apr 3 15:27:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/639qsu/happy_monday_for_your_viewing_pleasure/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Re6pZri8Gw

---

[Rant/Rave] I keep binging every 2 days
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 15:02:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/639kea/i_keep_binging_every_2_days/
---
And it's awful. I feel so gross and I'm so sad because I haven't ever had a binging problem this bad before. I just keep eating and I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure and I've cried all day today.

---

[Rant/Rave] Arctic Zero Binge day
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Apr 3 15:00:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/639k2a/arctic_zero_binge_day/
---
I discovered Arctic Zero whey ice cream a couple weeks ago. The creamy versions are 150 calories for THE WHOLE PINT, so I got three. Cookie Shake, Cake Batter, and Salted Caramel. I'm now bingeing on them whilst watching My 600-pound Life. Six fucking cups of ice cream for 450 calories. WIN. For once a binge I can feel good about.

Also, lost a pound today! 104.6, baby!! <3 MY BMI IS FINALLY IN THE TEENS!!!!

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[Other] You guys give me strength to keep trying and keep healing
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -56lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 3 14:25:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/639cx8/you_guys_give_me_strength_to_keep_trying_and_keep/
---
I've been seeing some really positive posts lately so I thought I'd jump on the gratitude bandwagon. You guys really are fantastic. I've been having a really rough go of things lately with the BED and it triggered a(nother) depressive episode. It's so hard to deal with this shit and also seem normal in my everyday life, but the ability to commiserate with you and share in your triumphs is immeasurably cathartic for me. With each post I read, I feel a little less alone in my frustrations and a little more capable of conquering my own goals. So thank you, all of you - even the lurkers!! - for sharing such a difficult and intimate part of your lives, and for letting me join the conversation to share my own.

edit: I type faster than I think

---

[Help] What foods keep you going/give you the most energy?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 3 14:07:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6398y7/what_foods_keep_you_goinggive_you_the_most_energy/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I shit the bed last night
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 3 13:53:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63964f/i_shit_the_bed_last_night/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I spent $200 on b/p food over the weekend
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 13:47:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6394zj/i_spent_200_on_bp_food_over_the_weekend/
---
Ohmygod.
Literally $188.90 on food that I threw up over the course of two days. It wasn't even the expensive stuff, it was all the generic and discounted crap. I feel disgusting and horrible.
How did I let this happen? What the hell is wrong with me?

I feel so horrible right now. Something needs to change.

---

[Meme/Humor] How to cure your eating disorder video
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Mon Apr 3 13:33:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6391tb/how_to_cure_your_eating_disorder_video/
---
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP I couldn't fit them all and it hurt my soul don't hate me

[how to cure your eating disorder](https://youtu.be/3ax_KGVvtxo)

---

[Rant/Rave] i HATE my boobs :( :( :(
/u/badbaddie [5"8| CW 119lbs | GW 100lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 3 13:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/638wyp/i_hate_my_boobs/
---
uuuuugghghghhghh i swear the only thing i still hatehatehate about myself are my boobs. they're HUGE and make me look and feel 1000x fatter than i actually am. literally nothing i do makes them smaller and i'm just too weak and sick to do cardio exercise a lot now. the smallest they've ever been is a 30DD when i weighed 100lbs but they're steadily a 30E, sometimes an F. it's like you can't even tell how hard i've worked and what i've achieved with the rest of my body because my fat boobs over power it all :( i feel so ugly with a 24 inch waist and gross E cup boobs i literally wish i could cut them off... idk if any of you guys relate to this just getting it off my... ahem... chest :')

---

[Rant/Rave] My SO weighed me and she won't tell me the number.
/u/star-of-morning [5'1" | no clue | went to treatment | send help]
Created: Mon Apr 3 12:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/638tso/my_so_weighed_me_and_she_wont_tell_me_the_number/
---
I've been complaining to my SO a lot lately how I hate my body, want to fit into my dresses I bought when I was underweight before I went to treatment last year, etc. She also has an ED fyi. Anyways, she said she would support me in my weight loss goals as long as I didn't go below a certain number (118) and didn't eat less than 1000 calories a day....

So she weighed me yesterday and said "it's really not anywhere near as bad as you think" and that I could probably get down to 118-120 in a month. I honestly don't know what this means for me because she has such little knowledge about how calories work, TDEE, etc. Also she is almost half a foot taller than me so what may work for her might not be applicable for me.

We have a scale at home and, as much as I want to know the number, I'm too scared to weigh myself even if I'm home alone (which I am right now). If I had to guess I'd say maybe I'm 135? Great. That's where I started when I relapsed last year and by this time last year, I was in the lower 120's.

Anyways, there's now way in hell I'm going to eat max 1000 calories, nor am I going to weight 118 at the least. The most I ever eat when I'm restricting is 500. Maybe 700 if I was more active than usual. And at 118 I don't look nearly skinny enough. I need to be under 110 to be happy. Ugh. I feel like I've fucked it all up my letting her weigh me.

Sigh. There's really no point to this post. Other than the fact I'm more motivated than ever to lose weight.

---

[Rant/Rave] I know it won't last but every day it does last gives me hope it will last
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Mon Apr 3 12:48:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/638s8u/i_know_it_wont_last_but_every_day_it_does_last/
---
So I weigh myself every day and for the last 10 days I've lost more than a pound a day. According to my app I have lost 1.75 lbs a day but my start day wasn't actually my start day. I kind of put it in wonky as my "I visited a doctor and was disgusted with myself." Whatever. Anyway.

I know this rate can't keep up but usually this kind of heavy weight loss stops after a day or two- maybe four days. So every day it keeps going I believe my app a little more that I'll reach my goal weight by the end of May. Which is ridiculous and impossible. But that'd be so good at the same time.

It's so frustrating trying to keep my head in the real world when I'm basically living my fantasy.

Edit: Now that I actually think about it- I don't want to reach my goal weight by may. I want it in Mid-July because I have a free paycheck that I could use to buy clothes. Free as in, not dedicated to any specific bills.

---

[Rant/Rave] Apparently I wasn't fooling anyone
/u/mushroomlevel [5'6" | 107 | 17.34 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 12:20:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/638m69/apparently_i_wasnt_fooling_anyone/
---
I just got new insurance and had to switch doctors. When I went to the gyn today for abnormal bleeding she started reading off the chart they had gotten from my last dr. Apparently they had been keeping detailed notes of my weight and possible anorexia but had literally never mentioned it to me.

And of course in light of this info all my bleeding concerns were waived off and was told to eat more.

---

[Discussion] How to cure your ed video
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 3 12:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/638koj/how_to_cure_your_ed_video/
---
[removed]

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[Help] Advice on dealing with an injury? [Help]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 3 11:17:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6386kh/advice_on_dealing_with_an_injury_help/
---
[deleted]

---

[Goal] Stay strong!
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 122| UGW: 112 l 25F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 10:36:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/637wz9/stay_strong/
---
I am a teacher and was on spring break last week...so bad for me and my body. I just went crazy. I ate until I was uncomfortable from last Friday to last night. I just felt awful, awful, awful. Fat. Gross. Inflated. Balloon. I am *so* glad to be back at school and back at my diet. I was really anxious today thinking everyone is going to notice that I've gained 8lbs since last Friday...ahh I just want to be back to my 115.

I just want to wish everyone a happy day and achieve whatever it is you're looking for!

---

[Goal] Summer goals: day 2 check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 09:18:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/637f7t/summer_goals_day_2_checkin/
---
Hey guys, it's day two since my manic i-have-to-get-ready-for-summer post and I was soso happy to hear about how everyone did yesterday :) Hopefully we can keep this up -- bad days are always a bit better for me when I talk about them, and good days are more fun when I have someone to celebrate with. So let's stick together!!

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What's going well and what do you want to improve on?
❤

---

[Discussion] DAE feel like a fraud?
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Mon Apr 3 09:06:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/637cly/dae_feel_like_a_fraud/
---
I've been diagnosed with EDNOS, and that really means I've been fasting at least 3-4 days out of the week...

But I have help. I'm drinking a ton of powerade zero (purple=bae#1), AND I have bronkaid as an appetite suppressant.

I feel like I should be able to deal with hunger without this!! Ugh it feels like I'm cheating and I'm not really sick.

---

[Thinspo] Brandy
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Mon Apr 3 08:47:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63781y/brandy/
---
http://imgur.com/a/2JzBk

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[Help] Tips to stop purging?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 3 08:40:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6376gp/tips_to_stop_purging/
---
[deleted]

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[Goal] Sharing it somewhere that cares...
/u/Rustlingjimmies87
Created: Mon Apr 3 08:15:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63713r/sharing_it_somewhere_that_cares/
---
Just wanted to put it somewhere that I know it can be celebrated... I dropped from 169 to 140 as of today. For the first time in over a couple years I'm back at a "normal" bmi. There is still a ton (hah!) of work to do, but from here it seems less daunting than it had been. I've even been away from a scale the past few days and was estimating to have gained so this is all somewhat of a shock.

---

[Intro] Just a little thank you
/u/cjmalt
Created: Mon Apr 3 07:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/636w4t/just_a_little_thank_you/
---
I've been a lurker on my main account for the past six months or so just as my relapse started, and I'd like to say just how glad I am that I found this sub.
I've dealt with disordered eating and body dysmorphia since I was 16 and in the last six years I've never found a more supportive and genuinely pleasant community. So much of my teenage years was spent on pro ana sites and tumblrs that ultimately made me feel shit about myself. The posters there seemed so much tinier than me, so much more dedicated, so much better. I felt like a failure at my eating disorder because I couldn't get below 120lbs, where these girls were barely 100 and still surviving on a Diet Coke a day and were proud of it. It didn't serve as thinspo to me, it only made me hate myself more and I struggled for so long with depression and suicidal thoughts.

However, this sub is like a breath of fresh air. I finally feel like you all understand me. There's no sense of elitism - we're all in the same boat, dealing with our own issues. Also, there's a sense of humour here. We're all fucking crazy and we know it, and what better way to cope than poke fun at ourselves?

So I'd really just like to say thank you to everyone here for helping me feel just a little more normal :)

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 3 06:11:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/636cvr/weekly_stats_update_april_03_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 03, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 03, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 3 06:11:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/636cuo/daily_food_diary_april_03_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Has anyone done a liquid fast?
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Mon Apr 3 05:49:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/636928/has_anyone_done_a_liquid_fast/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Any PCOS ladies out there?
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW141.5 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Mon Apr 3 04:59:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6360sr/any_pcos_ladies_out_there/
---
Mobile, can't flair!

Anyone else here have PCOS? How does it impact your weight loss and how do you counter it?

---

[Other] "Interesting" comments from FWB, I think he's catching on
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 3 04:41:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/635ycm/interesting_comments_from_fwb_i_think_hes/
---
So I have this long term FWB. He's really into weightlifting and plays on two soccer teams so we have a lot of conversations about nutrition, calories, and weight loss. We both only eat once a day but since he works out so much his calorie needs are significantly different than mine and his meals almost always include meat. He's knows I eat mostly vegetarian so he's fine with me leaving him most of the meat if we eat together.

Last night we made dinner after spending the whole afternoon coding. Seriously, this meal was a calorific monstrosity. I won't even describe it but we made jokes that eating at his place is always the high calorie option. We discussed the weight we've both lost and I said I was 1.5 kg away from my goal weight before this meal.

"Well you could always go into the bathroom and stick your fingers down your throat."

"Nope, that doesn't work for me unless I'm drunk and since alcohol has so many calories it kind of defeats the purpose."

And then the conversation carried on like normal. Watched a movie, went to bed, had a lovely morning before we biked to school together.

Idk if it was just a comment in bad taste or if he's starting to piece things together. I don't purge but he knows I eat very few calories a day and has commented on it (and not in a "you should eat more" kind of way, just like a passing observation).

But the worst part is, I'm relieved that I can start being more open about this without someone forcing me to change. How messed up is that...

---

[Thinspo] Body Goals
/u/imnevergold [5'6.5 | 117.6 | 18.68 | -15 | F |]
Created: Mon Apr 3 04:39:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/635y4j/body_goals/
---
http://m.imgur.com/a/NLhy0

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[Thinspo] [thinspo] Body Goals
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 3 04:32:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/635x53/thinspo_body_goals/
---
http://m.imgur.com/bhhnJvM,xCtn2rF,GxCbbxX

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[Rant/Rave] Ran my mouth off and dropped myself in it. Getting referred for treatment.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW1: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Apr 3 04:17:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/635v5b/ran_my_mouth_off_and_dropped_myself_in_it_getting/
---
Not sure how to feel. Excited? Disappointed? Scared?

I had an assessment therapy session today. It was just a general one, I could have fed them any old guff.. I actually considered telling them I have just BED (rather than restricting and binging sometimes) to see if I could get meds to lessen my appetite, lol... but the lady somehow got me talking, and crying, and word vomiting the truth everywhere I guess.

She concluded there would be no point carrying on general therapy with her, and instead she will be making a referral for me to the local ED clinic this week. She did ask me if that was okay, and I said yes.. but only because, like, how do you say 'no' after all that? And also, I really don't want to feel like shit any more.

I want to like my body, first and foremost, and not feel fat and ugly and disgusting. In my mind, the answer to that is get skinny.. but I look at other people and see that perhaps there is another way to achieve the same feeling, without being skinny. Maybe. Would be good, wouldnt it? To get to enjoy food AND not hate yourself, the way you look... Sounds like something from a fantasy story, haha.

But still, I'm thinking to myself... "Lol I'm still gonna restrict and lose weight, refer me to whoever you like. What they gonna do? I'm not underweight and my GW isn't even underweight atm, they can't lock me up". Worst patient ever.. heh.

But yeah, there is that.

Edit: A funny.. she asked me how much I have lost in total. I told her 4 stone from general weight loss before the ED, and perhaps around 6 stone since the 'eating issues' started... 10 stone total (then the gain over winter). She blurted out 'HOW IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT OF YOU?!?!'. I don't think she meant to... But that made me chuckle, and feel good tbh.

---

[Help] Am I a monster?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Mon Apr 3 00:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63562t/am_i_a_monster/
---
My mom isn't coming to my graduation. But the messed up part is I am kinda glad she isn't. She's gained so much in the last two years. She is almost 300lb I'd guess (and I'm pretty good at guessing if it isn't myself). Last time I saw her, my dad asked if she was pregnant again.

I don't want to see her if she's that fat because it reminds me that she used to be thin and got fat so even if I get thin I'll get fat again, and also I'm just kind of disgusted by it. And I especially don't want her to be seen with me because everyone will think "oh, leigh's whole family is fat no wonder they're fat too".

Now, there are legit reasons I could have for not wanting her there (her abandoning me and treating me like shit and always missing out on things in my life without caring, etc). But none of those are the reason I don't want her there.

The worst part is she used to be a b/p anorexic and now she (pretty clearly) has BED. So she's just struggling with eating disorders too.

Am I a monster for that? I feel like I am and I don't know how not to be one. I'm such a bad person and I am judgemental and horrible but I don't want to be like that?

Idk sorry for so much text but I just don't know how to deal with this, it's tearing me apart.

---

[Discussion] Books?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sun Apr 2 22:54:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/634pb6/books/
---
Wintergirls is the only ED book I know of, I've read it like 4 times already and I'm going through and highlighting my favorite quotes.

Do you guys have more suggestions? Maybe something similar?

Don't be retarded like me, there is a neat [library](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/4uwaii/new_title_added_to_pdf_library_on_google_drive/) for the sub!

---

[Help] Mobile Flair Question?
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 22:09:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/634i0j/mobile_flair_question/
---
So I use this sub primarily on mobile, in fact that's where I do all my redditing. My usual routine is post, log in to Reddit on the safari browser, then flair. It's really annoying. So what happens if I don't flair? Is the post not likely to be seen? Is flair just a nice way to organize things and label them. Like some subs will make your post not viewable but I see here a lot of you are like "on mobile don't know how" or you flair in the text of your post.

---

[Rant/Rave] Throwing out all my food.
/u/lose115
Created: Sun Apr 2 21:49:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/634eph/throwing_out_all_my_food/
---
I can't have any type of food I even slightly enjoy in my kitchen anymore! I will binge on it! Rice cakes, almonds, pretzel thins, babybels? binge binge binge binge. Those were supposed to be safe foods. Cookies, cakes, ice cream, even the low calorie, "healthy" kind. Not even. I. Can't. Have. It. In. My. Apt. All week I will restrict semi decently and then the weekend it all goes to crap! I threw so much stuff away right now. I can't handle it. Do I have to resort to an empty kitchen? It has never gotten this bad. I am losing and gaining the same 10-15 pounds! It started out so well. I was using myfitnesspal and eating 1500 cals a day, weightlifting, losing weight, getting toned. Once I hit the 130's it all went downhill. I wanted to see the weight drop off faster and now I can't stop this cycle. My stomach gets sooo distended it scares me! And my legs swell up. I hate myself. I want to cry, but I have no tears for myself. I feel so pathetic. I just want to hit my goal weight so I don't have to deal with this anymore! I want to eat normal. Eat at maintenance and live a normal life. I hate this so much! I eat until I'm in pain! I'll have to squeeze into my jeans tomorrow. I don't want people to see me. I don't purge. I tell myself the extra calories will help my workouts. What a joke!! Restrict and binge. I don't think I can trust myself to buy food anymore. I hate this. Rant over. :(

---

[Discussion] Anyone use Prime Pantry?
/u/Mrs-Schrute [Gross AF]
Created: Sun Apr 2 21:47:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/634ed1/anyone_use_prime_pantry/
---
I recently totaled my car and I live in an area without much public transportation. It can be hard getting to the store sometimes so I tried an Amazon Prime Pantry order and really liked it.

There are some things you cant get there like fresh meats or produce so I get those when I can get to the store.

Does anyone else order from there? What kinds of things do you like to purchase? I've found a ton of packaged meals that are kinda high calorie so I'm wondering if anyone has any better suggestions :)

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[Rant/Rave] I believe in myself and I believe in all of you
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Sun Apr 2 21:25:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/634alk/i_believe_in_myself_and_i_believe_in_all_of_you/
---
I know I can lose the weight. I believe in myself. I will love my body in the near future. and I believe in you. whether your goal is to lose weight, to recover, or to accomplish anything else, I just want to say that I'm rooting for you and I have faith in your abilities.

where I am, the cherry blossoms are blooming, the tulips are just starting to bud, and the violets are spread about in gentle glory. it rained all day the other day and today it was crisp and bright, but the earth was wet. birds are beginning their mating dances. a ladybug landed on my arm the other day. as difficult as the world is (I deal with a lot of struggle and I know you do too), there are quiet, perfect things happening all around us at all times.

you're part of it. you're just as beautiful as the trees, the flowers, the rain, the sun, the earth, the birds, and the bugs. I value your existence, even if you don't. I believe in all of us.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate not being allowed to be insecure.
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 21:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6346sw/i_hate_not_being_allowed_to_be_insecure/
---
I am what most people would consider pretty and underweight (though just barely) on the BMI scale. So naturally, every time I say something (even sarcastically or as a joke) derogatory about myself, I get showered with "Oh my God, shut up. I wish I looked like you." or "Whatever, you're perfect."

Fuck that. While I acknowledge that this is a nice problem to have, and people are just trying to be nice, it's not fair. I should be allowed to express an insecurity or make a damn joke like anybody else. Creating an environment where I'm *not allowed* to be insecure will only make things worse.

---

[Discussion] Started smoking today-- didn't binge or purge
/u/d_25 [5'10 | CW: Baby Elephant | GW: 125 | 17M]
Created: Sun Apr 2 20:32:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6341fc/started_smoking_today_didnt_binge_or_purge/
---
This isn't really a new idea or something I'm happy to be doing. Yesterday I bought a pack of cigarettes after a very physically taxing purge and smoked a coupled, which nearly completely shot my appetite. Then today, I smoked a total of four as I walked around and enjoyed the beautiful day in NJ without any real desire to eat. I'm worried about being addicted in the long run, however, the immediate results made me feel free from my ED for just a moment and that's all that matters to me right now :)

---

[Discussion] Event Motivations
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 143| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Sun Apr 2 20:28:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6340oh/event_motivations/
---
I'm going dancing with my friends next week and I want to lose at least two pounds by then. What events/dates are motivating you guys to stick to your goals? 💕
Edit: no flair mobile :/

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[Discussion] Drinking when depressed vs eating when depressed.
/u/SnowHunter9000
Created: Sun Apr 2 20:23:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633zs5/drinking_when_depressed_vs_eating_when_depressed/
---
I was wondering, if I drink alcohol, beer, wine etc whenever I'm bored/depressed instead of eat, if I would loss weight. Even if it a little bit like a pound a month, or couple months that would be OK as long as I don't gain. I fasted for like a month (ate just veg and water) before because I had thyroid cancer and had to do it for my treatment. It was one of the hardest things I did but I did it and lost 20 pounds I was 180's and went down to 160's. bad things started happing in my life and im 210 pounds now. I feel like I'm losing complete control of myself. I'm completely disgusted at myself and its effecting how I act around ppl in a very negative way. I feel that if I drink instead of eat I would lose weight and its has the added bonus of making me less nervous. I just wanted some advice from any who try this.






Tldr: wondering if I can lose weight drinking only alcohol instead of eat when depressed. Want advice


Sorry if text looks weird on mobile.

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[Rant/Rave] I found new motivation!
/u/TummyRumblz [5'8" | CW: Too Much| LW: 146 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 20:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633x0e/i_found_new_motivation/
---
I've been plateauing and eating like shit, but recently I've found motivation to get back on track! A concert! A band I adore is performing near me. I'm dead set on getting VIP tickets and I'll be damned if I don't look good if there's a meet and greet. Only two months away, I can do this!!

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[Help] I want to be excited about Working Out
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 19:35:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633qrn/i_want_to_be_excited_about_working_out/
---
I haven't worked out in a while and the time will come soon when I can again. Starting about spring break. I'm scared though and nervous. What if I can't run on the treadmill as long? Like what if feel less capable? I want to totally excited about getting back on track. Any advice?

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[Help] Going to try and maintain...advice?
/u/throwawayy72y72921
Created: Sun Apr 2 19:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633o7r/going_to_try_and_maintainadvice/
---
Hey guys

I've been eating 700-780 calories a day since May and I think I'm going to attempt to just maintain. I've had no cheat days, never went over my cals even on Christmas. I'm really worried because I fall asleep the moment I sit, my skin is white, the bags under my eyes are so bad I can't cover them with 3 concealers, my stomach is constantly in pain, half my hair fell out, keep blacking out and I want to literally murder someone...so I think it's time...in 2 pounds (lol) I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL

How do I go about this? I'm afraid of gaining and I know my TDEE is 1490. Should I increase 100 cals a week? 200? Can I jump straight to 1000 cals a day, or will my body go crazy? What is going to happen I am scared

:(

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[Discussion] [discussion] helpful guide to eating out with an ED
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 19:22:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633o5o/discussion_helpful_guide_to_eating_out_with_an_ed/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Too ashamed to leave the house
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 137.8 | 22.6 | -92.2lbs! | 17f]
Created: Sun Apr 2 18:57:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633jct/too_ashamed_to_leave_the_house/
---
ughhh this is so pathetic, but recently I haven't even been able to leave the house because I'm just so repulsed by myself.

I try and get dressed, do something with my hair, put on makeup, all that good stuff. But when I look in the mirror it's just... why? Why am I even trying?

This is my lowest weight since I was 13 (yeahhhh I basically spent 4 years binging it was awful lol) but I can't bear to be seen in public. I'm just so ashamed of myself. Idk guys, it's never been quite this bad before. Even at my highest weight I could generally pull myself together long enough to go run errands. Now I can't seem to manage something as small as going to the pharmacy with my mom.

Does this ever happen to you guys?

---

Lost a pound after 4 hour hike. Was this all water weight.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 18:21:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633cff/lost_a_pound_after_4_hour_hike_was_this_all_water/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/633cff/lost_a_pound_after_4_hour_hike_was_this_all_water/

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[Rant/Rave] Why does every activity with friends have to involve food?
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | UGW: dead | -37 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 18:03:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6338ss/why_does_every_activity_with_friends_have_to/
---
"Lets get lunch this week" "lets go get smoothies" "here I brought you some cookies" "after shopping, we can go get froyo" "I need a study break, lets go get food"

I don't want to eat. I am at a point with my ED that no matter what I eat, I have to purge. I hate purging, and it's so hard to escape from my friends long enough to do it. I really want to maintain what few friendships I have left, but it's getting harder just knowing that no matter what we do, eventually it's going to involve food.

---

Fasting motivation!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 17:57:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6337qy/fasting_motivation/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant-ish] Has anyone willingly told someone about their ED without wanting to recover?
/u/bananaemoji
Created: Sun Apr 2 17:56:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6337g9/rantish_has_anyone_willingly_told_someone_about/
---
I was feeling pretty shitty all week. I'm graduating in a month and am finishing up my thesis and just started two new jobs in addition to the one I already had so I needed to decompress in the worst way. I hung out with a gang of friends and we rented a hotel room and went on a "stay-cation". The guys went out for a smoke and it was just me and my best friend left watching Say Yes to the Dress. I was already three or four shots in (probably my first mistake) when a plus-sized woman picked out her dress. Honestly, she looked so beautiful and her and her family were in awe of her appearance and I couldn't help but cry uncontrollably. Obv my best friend noticed and asked me what was up and I basically told her how I'd never feel that way about myself blah blah blah and the pity party continued until my boyfriend and the guys walked back in. I immediately shut up and none of them noticed my red face (or they didn't ask).

Anyways, we haven't talked about the ever since. She's not the type to tell anyone else (and I'm really the only person she tells anything to anyways) but now I just feel so stupid. Like I have to be extra careful of what I eat around her (cause aren't I supposed to be skinny??) or how long i spend in the bathroom after a meal together.


Sigh. Should probably cut out alcohol anyways. Doesn't do me any good physically either.


edit bc me talk pretty one day

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I need a plan/some structure.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 142lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -17 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 17:16:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63303x/rantrave_i_need_a_plansome_structure/
---
I feel so mentally weak. I tend to go about a week or two doing what I consider really well, counting calories, fasting, and restricting. But then I just fall apart and binge for days on end. I try to work out, but my heart beats so fast and it's dangerous with my heart condition, so then I get lazy. I don't work right now, so I feel like all I do is sit around and eat. I find it hard to diet plan, because I live with 9 people and they all eat any healthy food I buy. I am currently 150lbs (5'3" tall) and am desperate to make it to 110lbs by this July. But I don't know how. Any guidance or advice would be appreciated.

---

[Discussion] I feel funny asking this but...does anyone..."meal prep"...?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 17:16:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63303t/i_feel_funny_asking_this_butdoes_anyonemeal_prep/
---
(On mobile I will flair in a minute) I don't mean to sound diet-y since meal prepping is kinda trendy among the health conscious. I honestly have never done it bc the idea of preparing meals makes me feel like I will be eating definitely in the future, when ideally I'd be fasting, or at least not have the pressure of eating something before it spoiled and wasting food. But I'm currently coming off the most relentless binge cycle after reaching a new LW. Part me is thinking of trying it. Bc I can normally get through the day fine fasting and restricting for most of it, then my room mates will literally offer me left overs from their bake sale. I can normally say no just fine and some excuse about being vegan, but then they'll sit out in the kitchen all day. And if I had I guess vegetables or something pre made, it would be there in case of some emergency like that. Idk. Thoughts? I feel so weird asking about this.

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[Rant/Rave] You've got curves!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW126 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 17:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/632wsw/youve_got_curves/
---
My sister said that to me yesterday. "You've got curves, we both do. It's okay, men like that!" I DGAF what men like! What about what *I* like? I want to be tiny.

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[Discussion] Is someone familiar with the Skinny Gossip forum? Worth it or not?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 16:28:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/632qcn/is_someone_familiar_with_the_skinny_gossip_forum/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] half marathon
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Sun Apr 2 16:13:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/632n9c/half_marathon/
---
my older sister is gonna help me train for a half marathon! though, lMAO she said she'd leave nutrition up to me, because she thinks i know more about it

L M A O

but like, we already scheduled a half marathon we're gonna do, and we signed up and everything. she already does them all the time, so shes so excited i decided to do one with her. shes flying down to where i live and is gonna stay with me for a weekend. im so excited!!! its in september, so im gonna train so hard over the summer, and restrict as much as i can to shave time off my runspeed.

this is SUCH GOOD MOTIVATION!!! (shes always been so much skinnier/fitter than me, and she has also recovered from an ed. shes such an inspiration to me)

---

[Discussion] Thoughts on the "ABC diet"?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 15:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/632dnj/thoughts_on_the_abc_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My mom just got a bunch of Chinese takeout
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |126.7| WL: 93.4 |GW: 110|19A]
Created: Sun Apr 2 14:47:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/63253f/my_mom_just_got_a_bunch_of_chinese_takeout/
---
The smell is really getting to me......she got all of the things I like, salt and pepper shrimp, wonton soup, greasy ass potstickers.....In the past I would have eaten two huge plates of everything plus bites from the cartons afterwards but now I'm trying so hard to avoid even looking at it... It smells so good though......Chinese takeout is always the death of my willpower. I'm going to try to nap these cravings away but the leftovers will no doubt haunt me later. /my dad said some of the things are flavorless so that helps a *little* bit.../

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[Other] Brain dump regarding weight loss and ED
/u/ketogirl98
Created: Sun Apr 2 14:32:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6321vq/brain_dump_regarding_weight_loss_and_ed/
---
Hi guys

I was very active here a couple of months ago when I was deep down in my ED. When I started therapy I quit reading this subreddit because I got triggered by it, but now I'm back. I'm about 10 kg (22 lbs) heavier, and I am struggling with recovery weight gain.

All I can think about is losing weight again. I know I can do it, since I was able to this summer by restricting and fasting. I am tempted to do the same thing once more, because I am not comfortable in my body the way it is now for five cents.

How ever, I did have a great talk with my therapist this week regarding weight loss. I've been totally honest and open about that I am trying to lose weight. I tried the paleo diet for about 4 days with one exception being a dessert at IKEA at one of them days, and when I weighted in heavier than the previous week I was very disappointed. The sane part of my brain knows that I will not drop all the weight in half a week, but I was so bummed out. She managed to get me on better thoughts, and I wanted to share it with you.

She told me that my body has been going through constant changes for over a year now, and that makes it very hard to lose weight in a normal way. It started off as an innocent low carb diet, then I did a summer of really hard training for nationals in weightlifting, at the same time I was fasting and restricting my calories. After the comp I started binge, and then I've been on and off bingeing for a while but still keeping a low weight. Then came the real "recovery" where I let go of everything and just ate all of the things. Add a month of laying in bed sick to that and there is my past year. My body has not had an opportunity to trust the food that I am giving it, for a long time.

This made me think. Of course I'd like to lose this weight as fastly as possible for prom, graduation, summer and just life. But a part of me also realises that I will not be successfull in losing weight and keeping it off as long as I have a troubled relationship with food. I need to get out of this eating disorder and be able to relax around food before I will be able to lose weight again.

I have met a boy a couple of months ago too, I tell him everything about my thoughts even tho I am ashamed. It feels weird, but also nice to be able to tell someone the sick things I feel and think, without being judged.

I just wanted to let you know about my feelings and thoughts. I enjoy reading other peoples journey of mind, and I guess someone might enjoy or get something out of mine.

I am sorry if this text is full of grammar misstakes and bad spelling. In my defence I am a swede, haha.

Much love
A

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[Rant/Rave] I think I'm bulimic.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 14:14:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/631y1n/i_think_im_bulimic/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] not losing weight fast enough and hating myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 13:45:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/631rr1/not_losing_weight_fast_enough_and_hating_myself/
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[deleted]

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[Other] I have IBS-D and I kinda love it.
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Sun Apr 2 12:46:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/631eoj/i_have_ibsd_and_i_kinda_love_it/
---
Warning: this post contains TMI.

Basically I eat somewhere in the 400-700 calorie range most days.

But occasionally, especially when I have plans with friends, I'll go crazy. Yesterday I can't even tell you how many calories I ate. There was pizza. And cocktails. Had to go to the restroom and practically exploded.

Then I had plans with some other friends. Cocktails. And a cheese plate and other appetizers. And so much cake. And more cocktails.

And then I went home and had terrible diarrhea again. Gross yes, but personally I'd rather that than purging. This always happens. It happens to me all the time when I'm eating a 'normal diet' of 1500-2000 calories per day, just sort of less predictably. I know when I'm restricting I, simply don't have enough food to have any issues. If I'm restricting and then binge, it's like clockwork. Eat a 'normal meal' and 45 minutes later, pooping.

I lost 2 pounds yesterday. Slight dehydration probably, but I didn't gain anything from my massive binge.

I guess I just like that I know I can binge and not really absorb the calories. They go right through me.

---

[Rant/Rave] "What are you eating? A cookie?"
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 12:38:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/631cyi/what_are_you_eating_a_cookie/
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I had eaten breakfast hours before, and now it was time to start work. I grabbed a clementine, a cup of coffee and a small cookie. My dad came in and asked if he could make me anything. Me, not wanting a full meal said no. He then asked what was I eating, and I held up the cookie. Then he said "A cookie?" And made a playful disgusted face... when he left I just cried at the judgement, whether he meant it or not, and threw the cookie away. I've been feeling so fat lately....convinced I've likely gained some weight. And I don't know whether to ride it out or suffer or what....put it out of my mind or constantly think about it... I feel like shit.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] I hate thighs
/u/idkjust [5'9" | 17.40 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 11:05:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/630sg6/rantrave_i_hate_thighs/
---
I feel like if all the fat in my thighs was distributed evenly over my body, I wouldn't hate myself so much. Instead I'm relatively small on top, and I balloon out on my legs. I just want thighs that don't touch.

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[Rant/Rave] Prom season, binges, body image. I think I'm getting better despite this.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 10:55:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/630qas/prom_season_binges_body_image_i_think_im_getting/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Binged - getting back on track and taking care of myself (Positive)
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 10:49:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/630oyf/binged_getting_back_on_track_and_taking_care_of/
---
I have Asperger's Syndrome and routine is really important for me. Due to my sister coming up, my routine was thrown out of the window. In fact, weekends are always an odd one for me because there is a real lack of routine there.

Anyway, I binged. I'm quite disgusted with myself. I ate around 2900kcal when I'm supposed to be around 1200. Obviously my weight on the scale this morning jumped up 2lbs.

Instead of throwing everything out the window, I thought "okay this is cool, I'll just get back to it" and today I ate out (gasp!) at Zizzi's and had something on their under 600kcal menu. I am now having an apple and a coke zero for dinner.

I bought myself a new dress (was good to remind myself that I haven't ballooned and still fit into a UK size 8) for my new job in Russia, bought myself some Urban Decay make up and two new make up bags.

I am so happy right now, I can do this. I'm just going to focus on self improvement and work on ways for coping with my routine disappearing that doesn't involve food. I can do this! *Raises glass of zero calorie champagne*

How do you guys get back on track? <3

Love to all <3

---

[Goal] Summer goals: Day 1 Check-in!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 10:41:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/630n77/summer_goals_day_1_checkin/
---
Hi friends!! Yesterday was the first of April and I decided to buckle down hard to reach my summer goals -- you might have seen my slightly manic post about it lol. Since it seems like lots of us are in the same mindset, I'm going to try to make a daily thread where we can talk about our pre-summer progress! (@mods is this ok??)

How did yesterday go? How is today shaping up? What's going well and what do you want to improve on?

❤

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[Discussion] DAE put on weight while heavily restricting?
/u/QuornLasagne [🌸 5'4 | CW: 48kg | 19.5 | GW: 45kg | F19 🌸]
Created: Sun Apr 2 08:44:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zzef/dae_put_on_weight_while_heavily_restricting/
---
Okay I'm just really frustrated right now. I've been restricting sub 700 calories everyday this week (except for the weekend because it's hard to restrict when I'm at my boyfriends house, but I definitely didn't eat above 2000 calories..) and instead of losing I've put on a few pounds :/ Anyone else had this experience before? I'm thinking maybe its to do with being on my period all of last week, or maybe because I drank alcohol last night? Idk I'm just hoping it ends up being water weight or something ;_;

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me_irl
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sun Apr 2 08:10:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ztcy/me_irl/
---
http://imgur.com/uFBtevB

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[Discussion] why are people such huge c*nts ate /keto and /loseit?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 08:08:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zt2n/why_are_people_such_huge_cnts_ate_keto_and_loseit/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I had the most wild food dreams.
/u/apidose_pile
Created: Sun Apr 2 07:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zpu4/i_had_the_most_wild_food_dreams/
---
My Grandmother IL and mom both came unexpectedly. They all decided it way my birthday (3 months early) and brought lots of treats for Easter and a Birthday cake. It was weird because GIL and MIL were getting along with me fine, but good Lord my mom was causing problems. She is the one that brought the cake.

I very vividly remember getting a mug from the cabinet and shoving handfulls of it in my mouth to c/s.

The worst part is that this was one of those looping dreams. I woke up within the dreams 3 times and each time it got more real. I'd ask my boyfriend, "did such-and-such really just happen" and he'd say, "yes." I'd see candy wrappers everywhere to confirm it. The first time I ate the cake, the second time the frosting was all licked off (I proceeded to finish the cake) the third time the cake was gone so I ran into the front yard to gorge myself on all the Easter candy. Everything got worse in every loop. For example, my Mom kept insisting that my Grandma isn't dead. By the third loop I broke free from her gaslighting and realized that something was medically wrong and started making arrangements to take her to the E.R.

I'm sooo happy that I'm finally awake and everything is normal.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] That moment you get full blown diarrhea after a particularly bad binge..
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Sun Apr 2 06:40:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zfc4/that_moment_you_get_full_blown_diarrhea_after_a/
---
[removed]

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I lost almost 40 pounds while being an alcoholic. And now that I'm not, I've turned to food. And I hate myself.
/u/edthrowawaypro
Created: Sun Apr 2 06:36:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zewm/i_lost_almost_40_pounds_while_being_an_alcoholic/
---
I've got a story to tell. Did you know calorie in and calorie out works? Well let me tell you just how good it works. I'm an alcoholic.

I ballooned to 135 pounds at a new job. Ate fast food. Drank at night. Ate junk food. Hated myself. But not enough to stop drinking.

I stopped eating anything other than cucumbers just so I could drink wine all night. I would sometimes drink vodka in calorie free ginger ale. But wine was my preference. I logged every glass in my fitness pal. Weeks of cucumbers and wine. I lost so much weight. I weighed 107 at my best!!!

Problem was, one day I ate only a chip and drank a 6 pack of beer. In he morning. Mom called that afternoon and needed me. I hadn't had a drink since 8am, and it was late so I went. I crashed. I hate myself for it, but with no food my body hasn't metabolized the alcohol. I was the only one hurt. I didn't hit anyone. It was the scariest thing I've ever been through. I'm sorry if anyone has been though that with a loved one. There was no excuse for me getting in that car. It was the lowest point of my drinking. I got a dui. My parents took me home and removed all alcohol. I had withdrawals and they just shoved food at me. I overheard mom telling my dad that I was starving myself. That she made me have a burrito and once I gave in I ate it like I was starving. They knew I had 2 problems. Before the accident mom gave me alcohol to calm my anxiety (I have Ocd and depression and won't go out). Before the accident mom said I looked like a skeleton. And after the accident they had complete control over me for a while to give me food and watch me.

A year later, I'll have alcohol maybe once every 2 weeks. But I can't stop eating. I had no control with alcohol, and without it I have no control with food. I'm back to 115 and I HATE myself. I would almost rather be an alcoholic again and be thin.

I wish I could control my food. I've dumped everything in my house. But I'll lose my mind and order a pizza and binge eat it all.

I have NO IDEA how I lost the weight before, since I was drunk the whole time. Getting drunk was more important than eating anything. And I'm trying to fast and limit again. But I have no incentive to have alcohol. I fucked your big last night. Binged a whole pack of beer and a pizza and a dessert pizza. I woke up hating myself. Not for the alcohol, but for the food. I can't stop. How did you break your binges? Anyone else drink like I did? Did you have to stop too? Why do I do this to myself?

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 2 06:09:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zbaa/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Get your fix all week long at /r/ProEDmemes~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 02, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 2 06:09:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62zb9n/daily_food_diary_april_02_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Karma for binging...
/u/chloelouiise
Created: Sun Apr 2 03:08:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62yqrm/karma_for_binging/
---
Decided to binge on a takeaway pizza and chicken popcorn last night... guess who's got food poisoning?

Serves me right for being a fat cow! I guess at least it means I won't have an appetite and might actually help me get back into my diet routine of sub 500 kcal a day! I need to lose 20lb to hit my gw by august!

(On mobile, can't flair)

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[Help] I can't poop regularly. I never could. It stresses the hell out of me.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 2 00:34:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62y9ll/i_cant_poop_regularly_i_never_could_it_stresses/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] April Goals
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | ☣️ | -56 lb | F]
Created: Sun Apr 2 00:14:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62y7bt/april_goals/
---
So I decided to set some realistic goals for myself for April, and hope to continue to do this every month. Surprisingly not all of them involve food. Does anyone have any goals they set?

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[Discussion] [Rant] DAE feel like the way they start the day sets the tone for it?
/u/justanotherbrunette [5'7" | CW 135 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 20:51:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62xdg9/rant_dae_feel_like_the_way_they_start_the_day/
---
I don't know if EDNOS is still a diagnosis that gets floated around, but I exhibit symptoms of each subtype. I can fast and exist on coffee and gum for days, but the second I start binging it's completely out of my control. Sometimes I purge, usually I don't. I'm not *actually* 'overweight' so I feel like claiming i have BED is a type of appropriation. I don't always purge--usually don't-- so I'm not quite under the banner of BP. I don't have many of the symptoms of AN, but I have enough of them that I've been flagged for disorder by my university.

ANYWAY.

I'm back in my hometown for the first time in a while, so my parents want to do things for me.

That means feeding me.

My dad took me to Krispy Kreme for breakfast. Because we ate in together, I had to actually eat. Because we had to go to the store after, no purging. My mom insisted that I eat one of those big Costco hotdogs for lunch because donuts aren't real breakfast.

Then all hell broke loose.

It's 12 pm and I've already gone over the day's goal, so why not go nuts.

Snacks, snacks, second lunch, snacks. Three pieces of fried chicken for dinner and three biscuits. Purge into a bowl in the shower before taking a bath.

I'm fucking miserable. I feel like an imposter here because I relate to all of you and none of you. Yesterday I weighed in at my lowest weight in close to a year, and celebrated by eating nothing but clementines during the day and let myself have creamer in my coffee, and had 1 oz of smoked salmon for dinner. I was feeling so good yesterday and now I'm laying in a cold bath and I'm just so angry. I'd been EC stacking and running a high deficit because I'm seeing someone tomorrow who I need to prove wrong. I will look like a whale and probably still smell like grease and vomit.

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[Discussion] Damn weekends
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 19:41:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62x1g5/damn_weekends/
---
[deleted]

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Idk what to doooo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 19:39:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62x0vu/idk_what_to_doooo/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] For once, I'm mad at society's standards instead of myself.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 19:36:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62x0e5/for_once_im_mad_at_societys_standards_instead_of/
---
I saw a picture of Cara Delevigne with exceptionally skinny (probably photoshopped) arms, and, even though at first I felt gross and ugly and fat, I did *eventually* get to a place where I was angrier at society and what it values than I was angry at myself for not fitting it enough. So I guess that's good. Because like, why did they need to photoshop *Cara's* arms? She is perfect already. Idfk. It just makes me mad that it happens. But at least I'm not as mad at myself.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] feeling guilty about rewarding myself
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 19:29:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62wz2m/rantrave_feeling_guilty_about_rewarding_myself/
---
I've been hovering around 110/111 for the last week, fighting my period, trying to get myself under 110lbs. Today, I finally finally got 109.6lbs.

I've been promising myself a food reward once I hit my goal and I've so been looking forward to it. But now that I'm finally under my goal, I'm struggling with whether or not to actually go through with it. My reward isn't even that high calorie, I know technically that I will not gain weight, but the ed in my brain says I should skip it and be even lighter tomorrow morning so I can hurry up and get to 105 :/

Ugh

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[Discussion] Can your body ever adapt to lower calories and therefore you actually be able to have energy on 500 cals? I feel like a zombie 😢
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 19:03:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62wukf/can_your_body_ever_adapt_to_lower_calories_and/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Should I go for a 2 mile run?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 18:34:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62wp1j/should_i_go_for_a_2_mile_run/
---
I think I've had about 400 calories today, but I am not sure. I had 2 pancakes and a few crackers for breakfast and nothing since. Don't know what's for dinner either.

I have no experience running with eating like this so I am not sure if it is a bad idea.

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[Discussion] ED inconveniences [discussion]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 18:22:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62wmoo/ed_inconveniences_discussion/
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Just purged at a friend's house and their toilet has so much water in the bowl that it splashed back up in my face!!!!! Cute!!!! What other annoying things has your ED brought to life? Thought we could all benefit from a little laugh at ourselves :)

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[Discussion] FitBit Charge HR 2?
/u/manicdysfunction [5'3| 109| 19.31| GW: 101|22F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 17:44:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62wfdd/fitbit_charge_hr_2/
---
Background: I had the FitBit Charge HR and the band kept on warping and breaking so I had to let the freakin thing go. I also had read many articles that the activity trackers don't actually benefit weight loss in any huge, noticeable way.

But, a lot of those articles don't involve anecdotes and whatnot. Just studies.

So, does anyone have the Charge HR, 1 or 2? If so do you like it? What about it do you like most? Do you find it helps keep you where you want to be, or motivates you or anything like that? Or, do you find it was a waste of money in general? [honestly, this can go for all activity trackers; the Charge HR is just what's mainly on my mind rn]

Asking because that's a huge wad of cash to drop and I'm considering it only because the Charge HR 2 has removable bands so if they warp, I can replace them. I miss the instant/more accurate tracking :(

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I spiced up a quest bar and added food coloring to my almond milk protein shake :3 What do you guys do to make meals more appealing?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sat Apr 1 17:26:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62wbzu/i_spiced_up_a_quest_bar_and_added_food_coloring/
---
http://imgur.com/b1VV9HH

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Happy Scale logistics & weight loss?
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 16:36:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62w260/happy_scale_logistics_weight_loss/
---
So this morning I weighed in at 45kg, but when I logged it in Happy Scale it said my current weight was 45.4kg (I've only been using the app a few days and that whole time I've been 45.5-46).

I may be completely wrong and confused here, which is why I'm asking, but isn't weight loss, weight loss...? eg. Whilst you can gain 'fake' weight as water weight etc., you can't fake lose weight?

I have to admit, seeing the moving average go unchanged after logging a 1lb weight loss is getting me down. Looks like I'm gonna have to prove Happy Scale wrong :')

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[Rant/Rave] Starting April off on a shitty note...sort of.
/u/babyjunimo [5'5 | CW 101 | BMI 17.00 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 16:09:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62vwnc/starting_april_off_on_a_shitty_notesort_of/
---
So, I place a lot of value on fake "beginnings". I mean, not fake necessarily but I know that any time is a good time. Still, I love making goals for a New Year, I love starting fresh on Mondays, etc. And so the first day of the month is a big deal for me.

Which is why it sucks that someone bought me food. #bingemodeactivate

Having someone buy me food without me asking is my one big trigger. I will binge every single time because I immediately feel out of control. It was sushi, too, which is my biggest weakness. An hour later, and a couple donuts and ice cream too, and I'm officially in the 3000+ cals for today. Great.

Now, here's the funny thing. Usually this would make me feel like shit, probably would binge tomorrow as well, because the month is now "tainted" and my binges are almost always 3 day cycles.

However...in a sick twist of fate, my literally INSANE ED brain has saved me...because it's April Fools...which somehow saves the month...because...it's all a joke?

I really can't explain it. I'm completely crazy, but I'll take it, too.

---

[Goal] I've had this photo on my phone for so long and it's all I want for myself
/u/mahrtea
Created: Sat Apr 1 16:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62vwh2/ive_had_this_photo_on_my_phone_for_so_long_and/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/ce0f6c5a62d34ee68c2fa701e9d3aff0?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=56b302a94a98c36928f31d65b82ca5c5

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[Discussion] DAE convince themselves they don't like certain foods?
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 15:36:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62vp0o/dae_convince_themselves_they_dont_like_certain/
---
My ED has always involved a lot of carb fear foods, but I friggin love cereal. I save up calories every week for cereal every Saturday night. But recently (this has happened with other foods) I start to think "hmm I'm kind of over it, don't need to eat cereal this week, it's not even that good." I feel like if I'm being honest that this is just BS. I love cereal, I just delude myself to think that I don't so that I don't have to deal with the fear and anxiety. Anyone else feel this way? It's sad I'm so deep in this that I can't actually believe that it's not just "I don't want cereal" and is probably some deluded twisted mind game.

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[Discussion] Restrictors, what are you doing with all the money you don't eat?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -28.6]
Created: Sat Apr 1 15:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62vlm5/restrictors_what_are_you_doing_with_all_the_money/
---
I was just thinking about this myself and thought it might be a fun discussion.

Anyone is welcome to join but I thought it would be most relevant to people who restrict. I know when I binge its on the most expensive shit I can find. Gold plated chocolate? Five pounds please!

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[Intro] [Intro] Hey... (perhaps triggering?)
/u/thinnr [5'7" | cw121 | gw115 | 22f]
Created: Sat Apr 1 14:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62vawm/intro_hey_perhaps_triggering/
---
I've been on reddit for a while, but i deleted my last account. Hello, I'm j, but you can call me thinnr.

I'd like to be a part of this community, make friends maybe. I feel very alone in this right now.

All I want to do is talk about food and calories. All the time. And my hair goals, but that is more normal.

I want to talk about calories to my mum, my boyfriend. To my therapist. Anyone who'll listen. It's constantly on my mind.

Along with having rampant depression, a dash of trauma, and alcohol and substance abuse issues, over the past few months I've become obsessed with food and losing weight.

I want to be thin. I need to be thin. I have no one to talk to about this. I want to be perfect.

I also feel fake. I know this is real, but somehow I can't believe I have an eating disorder.

But I digress. Hello all, thank you for being here. Thank you.

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[Rant/Rave] Summer is coming
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 14:26:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62v8sg/summer_is_coming/
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It's April 1st and I've got two months until shorts and croptop season. According to losertown if I average an 800 cal deficit a day I can weigh 140 before June!

I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 800 cal deficit is NOTHING, that even accounts for binges and everything. I just have to stay on track and *control* my binges to make them smaller and not above my TDEE and occur like once every two weeks. I CAN DO THIS

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[Help] Binged 4000 calories
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 14:18:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62v7ck/binged_4000_calories/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] "You're starting to look anorexic. You were built to be tiny"
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW: FAT| LW: 103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 1 12:46:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62umiu/rave_youre_starting_to_look_anorexic_you_were/
---
Today, I was at a cousin's birthday party, and my dad saw me eating a hot dog, and I was embarrassed until he said, "You gonna have a hamburger too? You need it. You're too skinny. You're starting to look anorexic." I almost died and went to heaven. I abed him if he was screwing with me about 15 times and he said no. I was waiting for the "April Fool's!" But he seemed serious. I asked my older cousin if she thought I was too skinny, and she said, "Well, you're pretty skinny. I mean, you certainly don't need to watch what you eat." I said, "Oh yes I do. If I ate whatever I wanted, I'd gain 20 pounds in a year." She said, "is that all?! Jeez, I'm jealous. Look at you. People with your frame have great metabolism. You could eat that whole birthday cake and be fine. You were built to be tiny."

I'm. So. Effing. Happy!!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Binge drinking and the aftermath.
/u/Sundriana
Created: Sat Apr 1 12:32:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ujbd/binge_drinking_and_the_aftermath/
---
Well, last night I drank a very large amount of liquor to pregame for my birthday which is today. I drank so much on an empty stomach that I threw up 9 times and blacked out. Thankfully my amazing SO was there. I woke up this morning, dry heaved a bit, fell asleep and just woke up for the day. My first mission was to find my glasses, which took 30 minutes lol, washed them, and went straight to the scale. Yesterday I weighed 152.02 and I'm currently weighing in at 146.07. 😻 Would not recommend though Lol.

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[Help] Help please
/u/knobbje
Created: Sat Apr 1 12:13:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62uf92/help_please/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] When your mom blames you for eating all the food :')
/u/12764899321799421580
Created: Sat Apr 1 11:47:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62u93r/when_your_mom_blames_you_for_eating_all_the_food/
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(On mobile, can't flair.)

Okay so I'm just a little pissed at my fam right now. I've been fasting for three days, THREE DAYS, and they're blaming me for eating all the food! Like??? I have not had anything to eat??? In three days??? But I'm totally the one eating all the food. Why don't you talk to the one who actually obese?? Like my little sister sits in the kitchen all day and pigs out. It is not my fault we can't afford food, and it is not my fault that it's all disappearing at the speed of light. Have they really not noticed that I haven't been eating?? Part of the reason I'm fasting is so they can eat. They're like constantly on my ass about eating everything, I get yelled a if I eat one damn cracker. I don't understand how they can possibly think I'm eating all the food, I'm 5'4" and 124lbs, my sister is 4'8" and 150lbs!

On a happier note, I've finally gained control and I lost 4lbs in one week! Yay me!

---

i had my baby on tuesday! before and after pic + a couple baby pics
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 11:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ty4o/i_had_my_baby_on_tuesday_before_and_after_pic_a/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/OFyt5

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[Discussion] DAE fear passing on their genes?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 122.2 lbs | 29F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 10:15:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62to10/dae_fear_passing_on_their_genes/
---
I'm sorry, I'm on mobile so I can't flair.

I have told myself since my early teenage years that I hated children and did not want them. But the older I get, and the closer I get to 30, I realize that I may have been fooling myself. I think I am, in actuality, too frightened that I could pass on any of a myriad of conditions, problems or neorises (via nature or accidental nurture), to a child and have them be as unhappy in life as I am. How could I forgive myself for bringing someone into this world who hates themself, who wants to starve themself, hurt themself, who ever even once feels they'd be better off dead?

Does anyone think this way? Does anyone else fear ruining a child so much that they won't have any?

Sure, on the flip side, I could be self sabatoging and martyring myself to be more alone and miserable but for once I don't think that's it.

---

[Help] Huge ribcage- please help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 10:11:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62tn0x/huge_ribcage_please_help/
---
[deleted]

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When do you decide to give up for the day?
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Sat Apr 1 10:03:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62tlc7/when_do_you_decide_to_give_up_for_the_day/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What weird places do you notice weight loss?
/u/dontgivearhett [❤️ 5'7" | CW: 129 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F 🚬]
Created: Sat Apr 1 09:24:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62tcj3/what_weird_places_do_you_notice_weight_loss/
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I notice it in my joints and weirdly enough, my feet when I start getting to a lower weight. Anyone else have weird spots they notice when weight is coming off?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else see themselves as very different in different contexts?
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 08:54:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62t63t/does_anyone_else_see_themselves_as_very_different/
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So, my example of this is that I see myself differently in pictures vs. mirrors. I look disgusting in mirrors, but if someone takes a picture of me right around the same time, I can look at the picture and be stunned and confused at the fact that I'm starting to look... sick. (As an experiment, I tried taking a picture of me in a mirror... interestingly, it looks like the fat version in the mirror.)

Anyone else have any examples of this?

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[Rant/Rave] Soo this week was shit.
/u/faithfulbones [5'0" | 113lbs (GW 98) | 21 | -71 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 07:32:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62spyi/soo_this_week_was_shit/
---
Mobile so idk how to flair. My bad.

We found out that my fiancé's dad has cancer, which is pretty much what kills everyone in his family. And my father in law is p much the nicest and most loving person I've ever met. And if he passes away, he leaves behind two teenagers, one of which my fiancé gets legal custody of. Finding all of this out triggered the first binge I've had in probably a year? Like I don't even remember my last binge. And to round off this awesome week, my little guy woke up three separate times last night to throw up. And I gained a pound, im assuming from the fucking binge. So fuck this week. 😐

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 1 06:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62sc7n/stupid_questions_saturday_april_01_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 01, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 01, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 1 06:09:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62sc76/daily_food_diary_april_01_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Where can I buy a tape worm?
/u/CosmicCatAttack
Created: Sat Apr 1 05:59:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62sank/where_can_i_buy_a_tape_worm/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Vent of course
/u/satanAMA [173cm (5'9) | 63kg (141lbs) | 21 | 27kg (60lbs) | F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 05:55:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62sa5y/vent_of_course/
---
[removed]

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[Intro] Body dysmorphia
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 05:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62sa11/body_dysmorphia/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Drove past McDonalds after working overtime, didn't buy a biscuit and gravy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 1 03:35:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62rrd6/rave_drove_past_mcdonalds_after_working_overtime/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] What happens to your body the days after a huge binge - really interesting video
/u/Moshi_Moshi_Teriyaki [5'9 | CW 132 | UGW 115 | -25]
Created: Sat Apr 1 03:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62rrcd/what_happens_to_your_body_the_days_after_a_huge/
---
This blogger did a 10k calorie challenge and filmed herself throughout the day eating everything / how she was feeling / etc. I love me a binge video.

What's more interesting was her follow up video - she shows how her body has changed in the days following up to 2 weeks later, and ultimately what the binge did to her body in the long run. I found it really interesting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6cIbIvEGJM

---

[Discussion] DAE have trouble spreading their daily calories throughout the day?
/u/sprinkle1997 [156 cm | SW 70 kg CW 55.5 kg GW 45 kg | 19F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 03:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62rqde/dae_have_trouble_spreading_their_daily_calories/
---
I don't know why but I always fail at attempting to eat X amount of food per meal. I would honestly much rather starve all day, save whatever calories I planned to eat and do it in one sitting. Somehow I find it less tormenting and I feel more relaxed because 1, I know I will feel full and 2, I don't have to worry about having enough calories left later. Idk, anyone else like that?

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[Other] I'm afraid to update my flair
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat Apr 1 00:59:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62r8by/im_afraid_to_update_my_flair/
---
My brain is all "What if I gain that back? Will everyone judge me for taking so long to lose so little? You're still so fat so what's the point?"

Ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] Just feeling terrible
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 154 | -12 | GW: 118 | 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 1 00:49:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62r72h/just_feeling_terrible/
---
Hi guys, I don't really have anything specific to say and I think I'm just trying to vent. I ate McDonalds today and although I'm just barely over my TDEE today (which usually calms me down if I'm panicking after a binge, but it's not working because I'm not panicking??) I'm really bummed about it, like not even angry just sad and depressed. I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror because I'm just so aware of the *feeling* of fat in the body parts I'm insecure about. And I keep thinking about how many parts of myself I'm still going to hate when I'm not fat anymore, like how disproportionately short my legs are and the way my face looks.


Like I've spent so long thinking about how happy I'll be when I'm skinny and now I'm really truly realizing that I won't be? I hated myself at my LW too but somehow I feel like the hatred was a bit petty, like not nearly what I feel now that I'm actually fat.

I have like two projects and two exams on Monday and Tuesday that I'm **literally and completely** unprepared for and will definitely fail but I can't even bring myself to think of studying.

What on earth is wrong with me? I feel so pointless and I can't stop crying.

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Resting Heart Rate
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Sat Apr 1 00:42:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62r61v/discussion_resting_heart_rate/
---
I recently started wearing my fitbit again and was surprised to see that since restricting, my resting heart rate dropped *a lot*.

It's usually about 62-68 bpm, now its around 54 bpm, today even at 53.
It's kind of logical because a restricting body wants to "save energy" but I am also a bit worried (what happens if it drops further? Are you just going to drop dead? Is that healthy? (not the dropping dead, but the low RHR haha))

Anyone noticed something similar, is there anything to bring that RHR back up?

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[Rant/Rave] Needing support [rant]
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sat Apr 1 00:28:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62r490/needing_support_rant/
---
I just had the worst binge day.

I didn't count my food after lunch, and I know I must have hit at least 4,000 by now. I ate a whole bag of chips. I ate ice cream. I ate a fresh donut. I ate Girl Scout cookies.

I have a formal dance tomorrow and I'm kicking myself for this so much. I was at the weight I wanted to be for this dance this morning and I just had to sabotage myself.

Fuck.

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[Discussion] DAE encourage your friends to eat the most calorie rich food?
/u/lunartalk [5'4 | HW:165 | CW:118 |F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 22:50:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62qpck/dae_encourage_your_friends_to_eat_the_most/
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Tonight I was forced to go to Ben and Jerry's with a group of friends and I got the smallest size with the least amount of calorie ice cream. My friend asked me weather she should get the brownie or Oreo ice cream. I did a little math and figured that the brownie would be more calories. I said she should definitely get the brownie.

I do this for everything. It makes me so happy when people eat more than me. It's so messed up... does anyone else do this?

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[Discussion] Movie Snacks?
/u/miczin
Created: Fri Mar 31 22:06:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62qhwp/movie_snacks/
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Any suggestions of low-cal, filling snacks to bring to the movies? I always get a large diet soda, but I need something to munch on for 2+ hrs!

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[Other] Wisdom Teeth and Other Tooth Pain
/u/OtterKat [5'5" | 115lbs | 19 | -5lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 21:06:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62q7bj/wisdom_teeth_and_other_tooth_pain/
---
My wisdoms are coming in and I have cavities out the wazoo (oh yeah, benefits of purging). Cons, Im in constant pain, but at least I have no desire to eat. And when I do, theres only a tiny bit I can handle.

So at least this will wean me back off of the endless binge cycle I've been on and back to the eating habits I prefer

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[Rant/Rave] My 'Lose It' app is driving me insane!
/u/12764899321799421580
Created: Fri Mar 31 20:30:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62q17t/my_lose_it_app_is_driving_me_insane/
---
(On mobile so I can't flair, but heres a little rant...)

For the most part, I love the app. I love the fact that it has EVERYTHING on there (except for a few exercises but that's whatever), I love that it tells me if I've gone over my weekly limit so I know when to fast, I love it. I guess I'm just more mad at myself. I HATE that every day, when I'm finished and I check the day off, it says I'll be at my goal weight by June. I don't want to be at my goal weight by June, I want it to tell me that I'll be there in May, before I start showing more skin.

It makes me so mad that I didn't start restricting sooner, I could have been ten pounds lighter by now if I had started when I planned! It also triggers my competitiveness though, it feels like racing the app. I like proving things wrong so I guess if I really do hit my goal weight before the time the app says, I'll be really proud and accomplished, but right now I'm just mad. So, so mad. Am I the only one who gets like this??

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[Rant/Rave] On the downside, I don't have a social life...
/u/monalisapieceofpizza [5'8" | CW: 130.8 | 19.9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 20:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62pw5p/on_the_downside_i_dont_have_a_social_life/
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...On the upside, I'm getting way better at mental math from watching the plethora of British weight-loss shows on YouTube. Go me!

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Discord server confusion
/u/PetulantPunk [5'5 | ?? | UGW: 97 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:56:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62puza/discord_server_confusion/
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I feel like an idiot... I cannot figure out the discord server... I have the app but cannot find out chat room... Help! User name is the same as my username here <3

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[Discussion] Any info on the Dr Bernstein Diet?
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ptx5/any_info_on_the_dr_bernstein_diet/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Anyone else attracted to fat guys?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -43 | 31F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:50:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ptw7/anyone_else_attracted_to_fat_guys/
---
I'm disgusted by overweight girls, including myself but I can't stand skinny guys. I'm not 100% if it's a jealousy thing, like what a waste, or a comfort thing. Or if I just feel smaller by comparison.

On mobile, can't flair sorry

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[Rant/Rave] I either overeat or don't eat
/u/PmMeNiceGenitals
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:38:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62prh1/i_either_overeat_or_dont_eat/
---
So it can't find a common ground. I've tried the ABC diet but failed after only a week. Either I can just not eat all day or eat way more than I should. How can I keep myself under control and not overeat? Because this is hell

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No binge April - anybody in?
/u/Melissa1267 [5'6"| CW 122.6 | 19.79 | GW 118 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:29:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62pply/no_binge_april_anybody_in/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Body Checking
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:28:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ppd7/body_checking/
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What's your preferred method? I'm finding myself doing a lot of video body checking, where I might film myself in varying degrees of clothing and check out all the angles. I don't do a whole lot of touch body checking, except for the occasional collarbone and rib confirmation touch.

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[Rant/Rave] Tacos Gone Wrong
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -30 lbs | Male]
Created: Fri Mar 31 19:16:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62pn7c/tacos_gone_wrong/
---
Rant/Rave sorry, on mobile

So after fasting for three days and feeling great, I decided I deserved to have a binge day. So after a long and stressful day, my husband and I went to our favorite Mexican food restaurant. I decided to order a plate of shrimp tacos (I usually get 1 al la cart, but since it's a binge day I was going to get the actual entree) and I was so excited, even planned for dessert and a movie afterwards.

Well, the food gets there and instead of the awesome shrimp soft tacos I normally get there, I get these nasty little sad naked tacos with dry little shrimp chunks in them.

I was heartbroken and didn't even eat any of them, and my husband ended up eating his entree and mine. It ruined the whole night for me and now I don't feel like eating or going to a movie or anything else at all. Which sucks cuz we had a really nice night planned.

Does this happen to anyone else? Your little anorexic heart gets set on a fois being acceptable to eat and if you can't have that exact food you can have nothing at all?

Stupid ED brain ruined date night again.

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[Help] How to prevent numb limbs?
/u/littlesmol [5'5" | CW 126 | GW 120 | UGW 95 | F ^-^]
Created: Fri Mar 31 18:00:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62p82s/how_to_prevent_numb_limbs/
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I've been hardcore restricting for the past 5 days and today my arms/legs started to go numb in the middle of a big test. No big deal with my legs, but my hands got so tingly I nearly didn't finish in time because it got so difficult to write. Does anyone know any ways I can get the blood flowing back into my arms/legs? (And please don't say eating more, I know that already, but there's a reason I joined this subreddit.)

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[Discussion] DAE not trust CICO?
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Fri Mar 31 17:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62oxgp/dae_not_trust_cico/
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Losing. My. Mind.

I don't trust CICO. My weight fluctuates waaaaay too much day-to-day, even when I am fasting. It is driving me crazy.

I don't trust my TDEE either, so I drastically underestimate it.

And on some intellectual level I KNOW starvation mode does not exist, but I just NEED MY DR TO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

tl; dr- my ED brain is mad

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[Help] Extreme calorie restriction, still no weight loss. Please cheer me up.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 31 15:33:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ob55/extreme_calorie_restriction_still_no_weight_loss/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] im so fucking repulsive
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 133 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Fri Mar 31 15:19:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62o7yg/im_so_fucking_repulsive/
---
mobile; can't flair

hate how much i like my guy friend. he's not physically attractive to most people but he has a girlfriend and he's got a great personality, blah blah blah. whatever. i think he's a fucking catch.

i'm not ugly, people seem to just be afraid of me. i guess i look pissed off or whatever all the time. that's because i'm constantly unhappy and empty and devoid of ambition. i've been under a lot of stress lately, the only good thing is i'm getting amazing at restricting again- i haven't been this good at it in years, and i got down to 90 lbs last time, and that's the only thing i give a shit about right now.

i'm going through a major depressive episode and i'm so afraid of hurting my few friends, the two people that really understand me. but of course, i hide so many things, i feel like nobody *really* knows me. also i have almost been clean from self harming for a year but i almost fucking cried at school seeing my friend with the guy i like, and his girlfriend.

i feel so distant even when i sit with them. i will never understand how easy connecting is to people. i can't do physical contact, and i can't let myself like someone that much. i'm gross and i hate myself. who the fuck wants to be with a self loathing girl who does the kind of shit i do to myself.

my friend also just randomly became great friends with a guy she ran into a while ago, and they're probably gonna end up together. he's attractive to me too. goddammit.

i will never be happy with myself or allow myself to be vulnerable to people because they won't like it. i always want what others have. and because of me bringing myself down, i'll never get anything i want.

i'm also just sick of not feeling like i have anyone that really cares about me deeply. i'm just gonna hate myself and sit in my room alone forever. i'm so devoid of emotion i can't even cry. all i can do it self harm again and again.

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[Other] Washington University Research group looking for people to take a survey on social media and well-being
/u/ichasm_wustl
Created: Fri Mar 31 15:04:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62o4ad/washington_university_research_group_looking_for/
---
Hello r/proED! We are a research group at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, MO and are currently conducting an online survey on how social networking sites, like Reddit, can affect your body image and well-being. If you’re interested in learning more, please visit our website where you can take the [eligibility survey]( https://healthbehaviorcenter.wustl.edu/who-we-are/patricia-cavazos-ph-d/ichasm/reddit-body-image-study/). If you are eligible, you will be given a link to the full survey, which should take 15 to 20 minutes to complete. Eligible participants that complete the full survey will be compensated with a $10 Amazon.com gift card. We appreciate your help and if you have any questions, please PM /u/ichasm_wustl or comment on this thread. Thanks!
-The iCHASM team

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[Thinspo] Thinspo!
/u/Rubywednesdayyy
Created: Fri Mar 31 15:01:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62o3kl/thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/yMaJi6P

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[Other] A sub for EU Reddit users?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 14:15:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62nshb/a_sub_for_eu_reddit_users/
---
I was thinking of starting a sub for EU Reddit users with EDs. Similar to ProED, but more EU friendly, such as weekly threads for safe foods you can only find in the EU (like Stroopwaffles) or are only in certain shops that are EU based such as Tesco or Ocado.
Would you guys support it? I'm thinking /r/EDsintheEU (because those Americans get everything)

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[Discussion] Religious feasts?
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -21]
Created: Fri Mar 31 14:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62nr68/religious_feasts/
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So I have a religious feasting day coming up in April. I have been trying to decide what I will do about it. I think I'm going to go all out. I feel like not giving it my all would be insulting. It's a day off so an 'eat' day anyway. I am fasting at work as much as possible. I want to go all out and work overtime and buy a whole roast hog for it but what the fuck am I going to do with a whole hog? I am eating alone. It's like 300 lbs of meat. Instead I'll probably buy a smaller but still significant portion of ham.

Anyone else have to deal with these kinds of things?

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[Discussion] What unhealthy thing do you do would make any non-ED or 'regular' person gasp?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 13:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62no7z/what_unhealthy_thing_do_you_do_would_make_any/
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It could be unhealthy coping mechanisms, fasting for 3 days straight or taking pictures of yourself to see how to position yourself in day to day life (hello vanity post). It doesn't even need to be ED related!

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[Help] How the hell do I get out of this binge/restrict cycle?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 129 | ~18 | -15 | ♂ |🇩🇰 ]
Created: Fri Mar 31 13:50:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62nmgv/how_the_hell_do_i_get_out_of_this_bingerestrict/
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I've stayed at the same weight for almost 6 months now. Please help

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[Rant/Rave] Family thinks I'm a lesbian because they caught me looking at thinspo.
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Fri Mar 31 13:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62nl2t/family_thinks_im_a_lesbian_because_they_caught_me/
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This is a really awkward situation... I was looking at some thinspo on tumblr and it was the semi-naked pale tumblr aesthetic type of blog. I always try to hide my screen whenever I'm looking at thinspo, but today I didn't hide it well enough so my aunt saw what I was looking at and freaked out. She was like, " I KNEW YOU WERE LESBIAN" and told the rest of my family that I was looking at naked girls (I wasn't) and other bigoted bullshit that I don't want to post. My mom is like, "maybe I need to take your phone away" even though I'm fucking 23!

The painful thing is that I'm bi and I was thinking about coming out to my family, but now I'm scared and mad at their reaction to the possibility that I might be lesbian.

Has anyone else been in a situation similar to mine?

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[Help] water retention
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 113.4 | 20.7 | -17 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 13:19:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62nenc/water_retention/
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periods cause water retention, right? im using that thought to comfort myself bc ive been good all week and i somehow weighed in at 115. this is also the first day of my period so thats why right??

if not then how tf did i manage to gain on a deficit lol :/

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[Discussion] Do you people here kind of like/need to be feeling at least kind of crap?
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |51 kg | 19 | 7 kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 13:00:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62n9oz/do_you_people_here_kind_of_likeneed_to_be_feeling/
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I'm so glad if my body is hurting from exercise. Hunger is a sign I haven't been eating too much.If I'm tired as hell I know I haven't been too easy on myself. If I feel well, rested and not hungry, I get anxious. What I have done wrong? I have eaten too much, not exercised enough, not done enough. I just have to get rid of that feeling, and do something that makes me hungry and tired.

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Boyfriend Is Out Of Town, Gonna Fast For The Weekend
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 31 12:43:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62n5gm/boyfriend_is_out_of_town_gonna_fast_for_the/
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[removed]

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Feet together, thighs . . . well . . . somewhat apart? Maybe I should start going to the gym on leg day.
/u/PleaserWSkin [5'7" | 132lbs | BMI: 21.1 | WL: 21 | GW: 130 | M]
Created: Fri Mar 31 12:35:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62n3lm/feet_together_thighs_well_somewhat_apart_maybe_i/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Is anyone else not really competitive with their ED??
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Fri Mar 31 12:06:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62mwfb/is_anyone_else_not_really_competitive_with_their/
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I guess I'm so internally focused on how I look and want to look that I don't get jealous or angry when I see other skinny people, I just get motivated. Like wow! Their body is awesome, hopefully I'll look like that! I don't strive to be the skinniest person in the room, or for people to be worried about me if I decline food, or to be more beautiful. I just want to actually like myself and not hate my body or my lack of self control.


Is anyone else like this? Like so full of self hatred and disappointment that other people are the least of my worries...

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling Alone
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:140 | GW1:125 | GW2:107 | -34 LBS]
Created: Fri Mar 31 12:04:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62mvv2/feeling_alone/
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I feel so alone. I wish there was someone who I could chat with the way I chat with my partner or friends but talk about how I am feeling. I wish I could tell the people in my life what I am going through but they will make me stop and I don't want to stop or lose them. I could go to therapy but I am afraid to tell them that I still want to self harm and I still am actively eating disorderly.

It feels so impossible sometimes.

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[Tip] British people who mourn the fact that we don't have Halo Top or Arctic Zero in the UK, we have options!!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 11:17:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62mk9z/british_people_who_mourn_the_fact_that_we_dont/
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Hi! I was in waitrose today (amazing free from section) and I spotted that we have OPPO which is 43kcal per scoop ice cream.

For non dairy consumers (like myself) i found this intense chocolate frozen smoothie called Frill. It is 70kcal per 100ml and i had a cheeky scoop today and it is literally just like ice cream. It's absolutely gorgeous. They also have a refreshing green flavour and a berry burst.

Just thought I'd share my finds because I've been jonesing for some Arctic Zero like our friends across the pond have!

On mobile so please flair discussion or whatever suits this best :)

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo 💎
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 11:03:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62mgs8/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/a1erh9pvyroy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I don't know what to do anymore
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 10:23:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62m7o8/rant_i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
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I'm in this weird place right now.
Everyday is a struggle of whether I let myself be "normal" or dive into the depths of my ED.

Since it is the start of April I decided it was time to reassess what is happening in the world of thinkthinly and see where I want to go this month...

I know I'm not getting to 100 pounds by May 25th unless I super restrict and exercise and I don't think that's good for me mentally.

I'm down to 122 which I should be proud of and I guess I am. I measured my waist and it's 25 inches which is down actually 3 inches from the beginning of the year. I did a body fat calculator thing and I'm at 24% so I should be happy I'm improving. Recently I've started to do StrongLifts 5X5 and I'm able to squat more, lift more, hell I'm even doing dead lifts which I never thought would be possible since my whole experience was cardio.

I'm at the point where I'm angry at my eating disorder, and I want to try and stop it but I've also only known it and honestly my "recovery" periods have just been binging. So I don't know how to go about that. I am at a healthier weight for my size than I was when I was in "recovery" but I still feel just as crappy about myself now as I did then.

I think the eating part is the hard part (LOL). I've gotten to the point where if it's not an Amy's organic microwave bowl (god bless Amy's organic 👍🏼) then I freak out and binge out. I think that's another thing I need to work on. I honestly wish I didn't find loseit somedays because seeing the red destroys my day/week even though I'm only eating dinner anyways. I find my days worried that I'll be in the red in the evening and during the weekend when I'm with my boyfriend I'm constantly disengaged and annoyed/bitter that lunch is even suggested.

So I think to start off this month I'm going to either up my intake (I mean honestly if I'm still reaching 100 in 2017 I feel like I should be able to allow myself fucking 1000 calories with a mental break down right (lol lol lol we all know how that goes) ) or track on notes instead of loseit. I just need to avoid the red. And then I'm also going to really focus on getting that protein. I may look into low carb diets (send me your links pleaaase!) or something.

Jesus thank you if you made it this far. I didn't realize how much shit I needed to spew but there was a lot. I don't know where I would be without you all. I hope you all know you are worthy and great. I hope you've achieved your March goals and can kick April in the ass 💕

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[Discussion] Gay or bi girls (or guys) here - does anyone else compare their bodies to the same sex people they're dating?
/u/dontgivearhett [5'7" | CW: 135 | GW: 125 | UGW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 09:47:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62lzb8/gay_or_bi_girls_or_guys_here_does_anyone_else/
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I'm a slender woman by normal standards (5'7", 135, and losing), and I usually date really skinny women. I always always find myself comparing myself to them and it's suuuper frustrating to me. Like, brain, you picked them because you think they're hot, and now you're turning their hotness into a negative. Cut it out.

Also I have never in my life felt insecure about taking my clothes off in front of a dude, but I do in front of a woman who is smaller than me. What the fuck.

(By the way, anyone else get that confusing mixture of turned on and inspired when looking at thinspo? Just me?)

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[Rant/Rave] my scales being a piece of shit
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Fri Mar 31 08:49:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62lmcp/my_scales_being_a_piece_of_shit/
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so it wasnt working and was generally just driving me nuts, so i turned it over and went to flip the switch on it, just to turn it on and off. i then found out it had a lbs option! so i dont have to keep converting from kgs (thanks canada!).

THEN

the first time i stepped on it, it told me i was at 159 and i just about screamed, so i weighed myself 5 more times, and gave me what i had before (153, because im shite at losing) fuck ive never felt that kind of panic

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[Rant/Rave] Have had a really hard time lately. My best friend told me to kill myself and my boss is giving me food at work and I feel like I can't restrict when I really need to.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 31 08:44:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ll8c/have_had_a_really_hard_time_lately_my_best_friend/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "Come by! Have a munchkin!"
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 31 08:25:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62lhcj/come_by_have_a_munchkin/
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I have never been so anxious about such a sweet simple email. I'm still new to this job and don't know anyone (my group doesn't really work with many others on this floor), so I'm trying to take opportunities to mingle with my colleagues.

Why why *why* does getting together always involve eating shitty foods? I have the same issue with after-hours get togethers and alcohol. People, please, must something be crammed into my mouth for me to see you?

There's no way to stand in that conference room and not be blatant about the lack of munchkin consumption. Just felt like bitching about it. :(

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] just breaking my binge cycle to go on a trip
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 31 08:19:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62lg6d/rant_just_breaking_my_binge_cycle_to_go_on_a_trip/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What feature about yourself do you hate the most, and which is your favourite?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 07:58:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62lbx2/what_feature_about_yourself_do_you_hate_the_most/
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As the title says, what feature(s) do you hate and what feature(s) do you like?

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[Thinspo] Eva Herzegovina (xpost TrueThinspo)
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Fri Mar 31 07:30:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62l6rt/eva_herzegovina_xpost_truethinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/NDD66

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[Other] [Other] almost just gave myself a (metaphorical) heart attack
/u/justanotherbrunette [5'7" | 138 | 21.57 | -7 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 07:23:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62l5k1/other_almost_just_gave_myself_a_metaphorical/
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I used my scale to weigh my cat yesterday. My scale is 'smart' so it tells my phone everything like BMI, bone density, water, etc.

Hopped on it this morning, synched it to my phone. I don't look at the scale display until it's connected to my phone because I like to compare stats besides weight. Open the graphs up and almost cried because i'd somehow gone up by 14 pounds literally overnight.

Heard the cat crying outside the bathroom because he wanted to be in the shower with me and immediately realized what was going on. Even for a disordered brain I have to realize 14 pounds in 24 hours at ~1000kcal is impossible

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck fuck fuck. Well...now I know
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Fri Mar 31 06:14:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ktmt/fuck_fuck_fuck_wellnow_i_know/
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Mobile can't flair.

I just woke up. Last night I had a friend over and we got drunk and hung out.
I don't drink really, I am quitting cigarettes, and I restrict and work out a lot.

I fucking drank like 5 shots, smoked so many cigarettes, got plastered, and ate an entire bag of tortilla chips.

Noooooo. I have so much to do today. I have court and a workout and my partner is coming over and just ugh.

I knew I couldn't drink in moderation, and I also knew I couldn't have tortilla chips without binging on them, but now It's confirmed :(

I'm so sad and so bloated. I feel awful. At least it's good fasting motivation...

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 31, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Mar 31 06:14:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ktlg/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for March 31, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 31, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Mar 31 06:13:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ktkt/daily_food_diary_march_31_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 31, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Panicking
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Fri Mar 31 05:23:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62kls7/panicking/
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Pleasw flair as rant, on mobile.

So last couple of days have been a mess and I have been bingeing my way up to 3000cal in the last two hours. I feel like such a failure.

Yesterday and the day before I managed to mildly restrict, though I felt kind of binge-y and felt a panic attack coming (god knows why), but stayed under my TDE. Today I...don't know. I just lost control and stuffed my face. It won't be that bad because I fast on the weekends, so I'll balance it out but I feel like I don't *deserve* to be on this sub because I can't even restrict for a week without ruining my progress by bingeing.

And did I mention how my boss told me to "not eat so much, you won't be able to sleep well" when I ate my 50cal popcorn dinner at work yesterday ? I bet it was well intentioned but could people STOP COMMENTING ON MY FOOD CHOICES? sorry, but please mind your own business, bitch. Thanks.

Furthermore, I met an old coursemate of mine at the store yesterday, and she has lost *so* much weight! She has always been kind of naturally skinny, but she is thinspo-skinny now. I can't even tell how much of a fat fuck I feel right now. Thank god she didn't see me (as the emotionally stable adult I am, I hid behind one of the aisles).
She still looks like a wannabe hipster barista with enormous teeth, but I am SO jealous. Anyway, this is my rant, I just needed to get this out. Please somebody tell me that I will get back on track, because if I won't, I'll probably get even fatter than I already am.

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[Rant/Rave] Massively constipated again wtf
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 31 03:00:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62k3zw/massively_constipated_again_wtf/
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Not that it ever actually got that much better, but I figured that was because I wasn't eating a tonne of food at first.. but I've ended up eating WAY more this week, and still nothing. A lot of fibre too, and heavy foods, and I can feel it just sitting there. I am now considering whether I have developed gastroparesis or something... Might have to bite the bullet and actually break out the senna tea tonight, cus this is ridiculous. My SO is coming over tonight too, so that'll be... fun. Sigh.

Any other advice would help, but not fibre.. I know for sure now it's not about fibre, because I am getting way enough and this is still happening. Honestly I just think I'm broken.

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[Rant/Rave] Just ED things
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 00:43:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62jnr6/just_ed_things/
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When you've been doing really well but you're going to a friend's place for indian food before she leaves the country so you go on a 7 km walk BEFORE starting a 5 hour restaurant shift. That way you don't feel too guilty if you finish your butter chicken instead of only eating half. 🙃

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[Rant/Rave] Staff appreciation lunch: "the least someone can do is control what they put into their mouths"
/u/ChubbyBunny8 [5'2" | 133 | 25.20 | -17 | 28F]
Created: Fri Mar 31 00:06:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62jj1g/staff_appreciation_lunch_the_least_someone_can_do/
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So, the staff in my unit went to a 'staff appreciation' lunch with the director of the unit. I already wasn't feeling it because I'm pretty stressed out in my job and feel underappreciated. Anyway, the director is vegan, and gluten free, which is all fine and dandy, but she has a habit of going on and on about it whenever food is involved. Maybe she has her own eating struggles, but it's really frustrating. I was trying to enjoy my lunch and not worry about how much butter my food was probably cooked in, and she goes on her diatribe about how 'humans don't NEED wheat' and 'you can't control everything, but you can at least control what you put into your mouth.' It was a very difficult lunch to get through. And of course, she decided to sit across from me. Sometimes I wonder if she's directing these comments directly to me. The silver lining is that I ordered a food scale and walking shoes tonight so I can start using MFP accurately again and walk to work more often. I'll be picking up the new Fitbit Alta HR tomorrow. I have no point in this post, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

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[Rant/Rave] When your binge plans fail...
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:125 | -7]
Created: Thu Mar 30 23:36:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62jeww/when_your_binge_plans_fail/
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Got up and dressed to run to the grocery store to get binge snacks only to find that it is closed for Cesar Chavez Day (which I also NEVER heard of before just now o.o).
So now I am half pissed that I cant have what I want but half happy I am now forced to have some soup since it is the only thing we have at the moment.

...Or maybe this is just the universe telling me I'm fat lol.

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[Rant/Rave] I found a good way to deal with coupons.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -21]
Created: Thu Mar 30 23:11:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62jbly/i_found_a_good_way_to_deal_with_coupons/
---
So coupons give me fits. I always want to use them because I am poor and free stuff. Duh. So I went ahead and cut out the ones I received and wrote how many calories are in the meal/treat they are offering and then if I find myself in a position to use them, I can decide if the discount is worth the calories. Hint, its not. Steak and Shake is the fucking devil.

---

[Discussion] does anyone else who relapses a lot feel like sometimes they have an ED in a good way?
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Thu Mar 30 22:45:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62j7og/does_anyone_else_who_relapses_a_lot_feel_like/
---
like, sometimes my ED is filled with negativity: suffering, hating myself, depriving myself, etc. but occasionally I feel really positive about it. like this relapse. maybe it's because I'm mildly manic, but I feel like I do actually like myself okay, and I'm not horrible looking, but it's such a great high to not eat and I'll like myself even MORE if I restrict. but I still do enjoy my food and make nice, nutritious meals; I just eat 400-900 calories. or sometimes I don't even count calories--I just eat minimally and get a rush from knowing I'm barely eating. I want to be thin really bad and that's the thread that runs through all my relapses but some are like being horrible to myself to force thinness upon myself and others are like enjoying being light and free and refraining my way to thinness. I'm not completely happy or anything--I still have some anxiety, it's just not so much about the food stuff, and it's not even as bad as usual because knowing I'm losing weight makes me feel less anxious. it just feels more like it's mentally healthy, not bad, even though I'm sure normies wouldn't agree. it doesn't even feel like a disorder when it's like this. it's more like a state of being. can anyone relate?

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[Thinspo] Warm Weather
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Thu Mar 30 22:34:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62j61z/warm_weather/
---
https://imgur.com/a/z6W7p

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[Rant/Rave] My insecurities will push me forward.
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Thu Mar 30 20:53:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62iprz/my_insecurities_will_push_me_forward/
---
I had asked to use my boyfriends phone to show him a goofy post I put on Facebook because my phone was charging and he swipes open Facebook for me no problem. Well I go to search for my name and in the recently searched section it has the name and pic of one of my close friends who I used to work with who's a little younger than us (she's 18/19 we are 23), and who I'm fairly certain he has a crush on and finds attractive. It bothered me more so when she actually lived here and we invited her to parties because he was always like, oh is she coming?? Will she be here? Awesome, since you guys are like, good friends. She's really cool though...


Anyway it stopped bothering me when she moved and I know she'd never ever like try to talk to him behind my back or anything because she sees me as a big sister and respects me. But I feel so fucking inferior now. I basically went silent for the rest of the night after I saw it. I wasn't trying to pick a fight and I know in all reality I'm being really fucking stupid because like. I have no proof??? Just the way he talks about her gets under my skin. And I feel like I'm too old and competing now which is ridiculous because we're literally only fucking 23. But she's skinnier and cuter and tinier and I just.....




I will fucking show him. I will be rail thin and petite and perfect. And he will never look at another girl that way again. Only me. And I won't be worried about it because I'll be so hot that he'd be lucky to have me.


I WILL NOT be intimidated by an 18 year old.

---

[Discussion] What makes your safe food safe for you?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 20:17:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ijgs/what_makes_your_safe_food_safe_for_you/
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If you're one of those people who has safe food (which is a lot of us I think) I'm curious as to what your safe foods are and what criteria they have to meet in order to be considered "safe?"
I've noticed some people's lists have similarities but then others and IDK I just find it interesting. Also I'm kinda wanting to change up my small list of acceptable foods so looking for ideas.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] lol telling people
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 20:15:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62iiyh/rant_lol_telling_people/
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[deleted]

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That moment when you realize the extra calories a pancake had and just decides to throw it out. 200 calories skinnier :)
/u/AcapellaKova
Created: Thu Mar 30 20:10:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ii5h/that_moment_when_you_realize_the_extra_calories_a/
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https://i.redd.it/4ur6se0mjnoy.jpg

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[Intro] Intro and backstory!
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 117.3 | GW ??]
Created: Thu Mar 30 18:40:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62i1aj/intro_and_backstory/
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Hi y'all!

I've been a longtime lurker here and finally decided to make an account to post/comment. I delayed it as long as I could, I felt this immense immense guilt over chiming in, like I was somehow encouranging people to be in as much pain as I am by adding my advice/opinions here. Yet I find myself here every day seeking support from you all. It's been a HUGE huge help. THANK YOU.

Anyway, I'm me. Never thought I would have these problems in my life until I moved across the country about a year ago. I don't know how it begin... I was just sad. So sad. I had no one and was so so lonely. I think I wanted to punish myself for failing at making a happy life; I thought I should disappear. The idea of slowly fading away sounded so perfect. So, I began restricting, then restricting heavily, and never went back. Any time something made me feel sad or dissapointed, this voice would say "Restrict. Restrict." in my head.

And the weight loss just became a part of that: not something I wanted at first, but something I fell in love with. People notice me now. From the outside, I'm not the sad, desperate-to-make-friends loser standing in the corner anymore. I get compliments, I get asked out, but I've never felt more self conscious in my life.

I realize I need y'all because tonight was hard. I'm home with the flu and couldn't run off any calories today like I wanted to, and its killing me. I look at myself and feel like a monster. Like my body is so freakishly worse than every other girls'. I just want to be tiny tiny tiny, but the closer I get the slower it goes.

Sorry for the weird rant. I'm happy to be here, and feel a relief that I can talk and comment now. I'll try to be an encouragement or gentle help to anyone here that needs it whenever I can <3 In the mean time, thank you all for listening.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel that the ED version of themselves is the real one and the "recovery," or return to relatively normal eating, is the relapse?
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hsue/does_anyone_else_feel_that_the_ed_version_of/
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I feel like when I stop obsessing for a period, for whatever reason, THAT'S the relapse. That's the bad version that I need to work to get rid of, and get back to starving myself.

I always feel that when I "relapse," and return my ED habits as I did a couple weeks ago, it's not a relapse, it's not me losing sense, but getting back in control.

I know it's backwards, but it's how I feel. Am I alone in this?

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[Discussion] Whats your maximum calorie intake?
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-76 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:53:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hs11/whats_your_maximum_calorie_intake/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] They say she looks better now, but I think she was already beautiful before
/u/uncleyachty
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:53:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hs05/they_say_she_looks_better_now_but_i_think_she_was/
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https://i.redd.it/n7cu1amu2koy.jpg

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[Discussion] How do you put yourselves back into gear after a long series of binging?
/u/LivelyGhost
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:42:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hq2q/how_do_you_put_yourselves_back_into_gear_after_a/
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Was feeling pretty alright with my weight loss for a while, but then my schedule changed and I started having to stay home more about two months ago. There's food every where, my family is not a very... Health conscious one, as such I can't just throw out or ignore food because it's not just mine and my mom will harass me about not eating huge portions regardless of any mild convincing I do. And it's a pretty restrictive household too, there's not a lot of places or things I can do each day to get out of the house. Cue the month or so long binge where I'm consumed by guilt, feeling terrible, and am even more hyper sensitive to my body (really, my everything) BECAUSE of my consuming.


I want to get back into steadily losing weight at least. I want to be skinny and thin and delicate by the time I go to college this fall. I want to be thinner in a month or two's time for prom. For summer, and every coming month. I want to look androgynous. But this household is sucking me back away from that and I hate every second of it even though I'm aware of it. I want to look at my hands and not see these grubby little sausages or at my arms and not have the thickness of them weigh down. I don't want to look like my family, despite what they say, the fatness is NOT genetic because that's not how it works. I don't want to be more "proof" of this.


So, if you have any albums for thinspo (preferably of boys, but I like both!), any thinking processes, indoor exercises, advice, motivation, anything to offer, I'd really appreciate it!! I'm just really embarrassed and shameful of how I've just set myself back so hard.

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[Help] Please send some encouragement my way
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:41:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hpqu/please_send_some_encouragement_my_way/
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I'm so upset right now. I found an old video of me doing yoga and basically triggered myself. Ha. I was so skinny. On top of that, I splurged on a bean gordita crunch at Taco Bell (FIVE HUNDRED CALORIES), it wasn't even good, and I'm way over my intake for the day. I ran on the elliptical for 30 minutes at the highest possible intensity, got off and thought I was going to black out for a minute and it doesn't even fucking matter because I didn't burn enough calories. It just hit me all of a sudden that I'm going to be a fat pig forever and I'm having a giant fucking pity party. I'm sorry.

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[Rant/Rave] got food poisoning, and found my willpower again
/u/jadelalaere [5'6" | CW: 135.8 | 22.01]
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:17:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hl8j/got_food_poisoning_and_found_my_willpower_again/
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So I got food poisoning today from a sandwich. Caved to being hungry and ordered a sub from Jimmy John's for lunch this afternoon because I was too fat and lazy to go walk to the dining hall even. I thought the mayonnaise on the sub tasted off, but I kept eating it anyway because I'm disgusting.

It was definitely off. 3ish hours later I got smacked in the face with being sick. The good news is, I have no appetite to eat any more when I've been hugging a toilet on and off all day.

But it's given me new willpower for the rest of this month. Food doesn't do good things for me. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't eaten, or if I had just eaten some fruit. Sure, I feel a little weak when restricting, but not *sick*. It never makes me sick like this, only food does. For the most part, when I don't eat, I feel strong and healthier than I usually do. So I'm treating this as my wake-up call that I'm going to turn my life around in April and get back on track. I ordered a nice electric scale from Amazon that's getting here tomorrow, and I will not screw up this month.

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[Rant/Rave] Deathly afraid of sodium???? [RANT]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:12:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hk9l/deathly_afraid_of_sodium_rant/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What is your family culture like?
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:125 | 18.8 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 17:12:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62hk8t/what_is_your_family_culture_like/
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Because mine seems to be geared towards being as triggering as possible.

Both me and one of my sisters (there are three of us) have struggled with anorexia, and I can't tell whether that means there's a genetic component or whether it's just because of how are family is and the things we've heard growing up. My mom was always very disgusted by fat people and very vocal about that. Like if we'd be in one of those movie theatres where you order food and she'd hear fat people order something excessive she'd like make jokes or comments about it. My dad had this friend who was fit but had a fat wife, and they'd always make jokes about it (not in front of them, obviously). When they weren't making fun of it they'd talk about how the guy had wanted a white wife so badly he was willing to take whatever he could get. Like they seriously thought that was the only possible reason a guy who was in good shape would marry an obese woman.

Every so often she'd hit over 120 pounds over Christmas or something she'd make a huge deal out of it, complaining about how gross her body felt in detail. She never was underweight but I do think she may have been (and continues to be) mildly anorexic.

She stopped making comments like that when my older sister developed anorexia, because my sister's therapist had figured out that she was part of the problem and talked to her about it. Oddly enough, she'd never even thought what she was saying could be harmful to us. And as soon as she realized she cut out that kind of speech entirely. But I feel like that's part of what messed up my mentality. And I also feel like that mentality is still there within our family culture. It's just subtler now.

A couple years back we had gone on a family trip to Washington. At this point my sister was pretty much recovered, but still tiny. She usually wears either an 0 or a 2 depending on the store. I wore a 4. My sister, my mom, my friend, and I had been in this boutique in this like richer fancier area. The clothes there were all way smaller than normal, to the point where my friend hadn't even bother to look because she couldn't fit into anything (and she's not really fat, like a size 10 maybe).

So my sister and I tried a few things on. The whole time my mom was fawning over how good she looked in everything and didn't really comment on anything I tried on. I asked her opinion on this dress I had tried on and she said "It's cute, but maybe you should try the medium."

And I get that at the time she didn't know that I too had body issues and disordered eating, but just looking back I feel like it's stuff like that that really tripped me over the edge. Writing this story out it seems ridiculously mild and banal and uneventful, but at the time I was so upset by it. I've gone back and forth with my ED over the years, but I feel like I always feel worse when I go home to visit my family.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess it's just a rant.

But also I'm curious if some of you on this sub have similar families?

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[Thinspo] Transformation pictures are my absolute favorite [thinspo]. Gives me hope <3
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Thu Mar 30 16:01:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62h5el/transformation_pictures_are_my_absolute_favorite/
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http://i.imgur.com/q5ziaf2.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] people are nice, but I suck
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 15:40:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62h0zh/rantrave_people_are_nice_but_i_suck/
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So I work at a doggy day care. Honestly, I love my job to death. It's amazing. I love dogs, my dog comes to work with me every day, my coworkers and boss are mostly awesome. The "parents" of the dogs love the staff and sometimes they bring us gifts. Today, the stars aligned just right and one parent brought in an enormous bag of candy, another parent brought in a big bag of donuts.

Usually I can resist or only eat a tiny amount of whatever gets brought in. Today, I'm on my period, recovering from strep throat, and I couldn't help myself.

So 700 calories of junk later, it's not even 2 in the afternoon and I hate myself. 🙄 if I can get myself calmed down and eat a very very light dinner or skip it, I can still salvage today but it's going to be rough :(

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[Discussion] How many male members here?
/u/ConwayFella
Created: Thu Mar 30 15:32:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62gzao/how_many_male_members_here/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] wasting food v. Not eating
/u/Thatza_Latza_Matza [5'3" | CW 120 | BMI: 21.4 | -20]
Created: Thu Mar 30 15:15:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62gvm0/rant_wasting_food_v_not_eating/
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I don't want to eat today, or any time soon, but my S.O. bought me lunch and I feel obligated to eat it because we're broke as hell right now and I don't want to waste money. lol I hate everything and I just wanna cry bc of a lunchables.

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[Rant/Rave] I seem to have lost my ability to purge, and I feel like a fraud.
/u/crumpet9 [5'3 | cw: 105.2 | gw: nothing | 20f]
Created: Thu Mar 30 14:28:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62gkrz/i_seem_to_have_lost_my_ability_to_purge_and_i/
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I'm coming off a week+ long binge. Overate so much every single day. Finally for the past two days I've been "good". Spent Tuesday at 944, yesterday at 500. Today was supposed to be a fast day because drunk me fucked up and ate McDonald's at like 2 AM. But then my friends wanted to go to the pub. I caved and had two ciders and got tipsy. We then decided going to dinner was a great idea. I should've gone home. I should have. Instead I ate my ENTIRE dinner. Every last bit. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who ate everything as well which is humiliating as fuck. I went to the bathroom to purge and despite trying SO HARD I just couldn't. I've been home 20 minutes now and have desperately tried to purge again but just, nothing came up. Except for blood! Awesome, don't even get any of the HUGE meal up but i can throw up a bit of blood. Not sure if I just scratched my throat up or what but fuck. I feel revolting. Not only can I binge eat pizzas and cakes and ice cream for a whole week I can't even restrict properly or get my food up. I've never been diagnosed and it's shit like this that makes me think I must not have a problem. It's disgusting how much I can eat and then not even do anything to fix it. My weight is definitely higher than my flair says due to my binge week. Just, fuck you guys. Thanks if anyone even read this far.

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[Rant/Rave] Office Pastries
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:140 | GW1:125 | GW2:107 | -34 LBS]
Created: Thu Mar 30 14:06:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62gfsj/office_pastries/
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In my direct line of sight are two boxes of pastries, one of which is filled with savory croissants. Savory croissants are my weakness. I haven't given in to them yet. It has been four hours so far.

I really, really want today to be successfully restrictive. Today I have the opportunity to have nobody notice what I eat as well as getting to go out and dance hard tonight for five hours. I NEED today.

I am hating everybody today. Not fucking giving in to those stupid pastries!

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[Other] Jesus fucking christ, this shit again. Mods, be on the look out for people trying to start shit.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 14:02:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62geyv/jesus_fucking_christ_this_shit_again_mods_be_on/
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https://np.reddit.com/r/wowthissubexists/comments/62g39d/rproed_a_proanorexia_proeating_disorder_subreddit/

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[Thinspo] thinspo I relate to the most: soft & gentle
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Thu Mar 30 13:08:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62g2y7/thinspo_i_relate_to_the_most_soft_gentle/
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http://imgur.com/a/f8CSl

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[Rant/Rave] WELL turns out I can't have tahini in the house either!
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Thu Mar 30 12:52:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fz5k/well_turns_out_i_cant_have_tahini_in_the_house/
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I got a jar of tahini. I really need to try and get fats in my diet, but have major trouble feeling comfortable including them... and I kept ending up binging on peanut butter, other nut butters, and nuts in general because I'd buy them, STILL not have them, until eventually binging on them.

Tahini seemed perfect, because I don't actually like it. I'd FORCE myself to have a little each night, for some fats.. and if I couldn't, I still wouldn't end up binging on it because I don't like it, so it would be fine right?!

WRONG! Apparently I end up craving fats that much, I'll even (mini) binge on food I DON'T LIKE.

Eurgh. Whatever. It didn't completely break the bank, it wasn't the whole jar and just what was left.. not even over my TDEE for the day I guess.. but I was doing so well the last couple of weeks until that. Can't even take one of my fat binders, because I just had some other meds before it happened and I can't take the fat binder within 2 hours of other meds.

No more jars of anything for me!!

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[Discussion] Taking potassium necessary?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 12:49:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fybo/taking_potassium_necessary/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Do rewards actually motivate you?
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 12:47:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fxro/do_rewards_actually_motivate_you/
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I see a lot of posts on here about rewards and I'm curious what role those play in your weight loss. Do they serve as additional motivation? Are there times when you lose motivation and you think, "no, gotta stay on track so I can get that new skincare product!" When you're about to grab a cookie, do you tell yourself, "put that down, you're only two pounds from a new pair of jeans!"

Or is motivation not the point, and it really is just a reward? Just a bonus, a way to show some self-love?

I'm really interested in psychology and I've been thinking a lot lately about motivation and punishment and reward. I think there's something wrong with my brain in regards to these things so I'm curious how it works for other people.

Really appreciate any responses. Thanks guys!!! <3

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[Rant/Rave] My body must be trolling me.
/u/Myuuji [172 | 48.6 | 16.28 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 12:17:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fqs1/my_body_must_be_trolling_me/
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I swear to god, the last two days have been really weird. Like I am a proof that starvation mode exists lol (spoilers: it doesn't), but really, I have weighed myself two days in a row at a much heigher weight while eating next to nothing and it's tilting me. Maybe fasting for a few days should bring it back to normal.

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This blueberry bagel is staring at me
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 12:08:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62forv/this_blueberry_bagel_is_staring_at_me/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] FINALLY FOUND A WELL PAYING JOB THAT I CAN EXERCISE WITH AS WELL
/u/eldariya [6'4 | 136.2 | 15.5 | -130 | M]
Created: Thu Mar 30 11:52:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fkqt/finally_found_a_well_paying_job_that_i_can/
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Basically I'm a broke college student who gets no financial support and I had a shift at a chinese restaurent on Sunday, in which I was belittled and wasn't even paid so I was feeling shit obv.
Anyway...I had been applying for jobs for over 4 months and I must of given 500 applications, I get an email in the early hours of Monday Morning with a response saying "Leaflet Distributor needed for regular work ASAP" So I'm like uhh...ok?
He comes my house with a huge box of 4000 leaflets and I'm like holy shit ok but damn, anyway I post half on Tuesday and the other half today. I'm doing like 20000+ steps so I am burning a stupid amount of cals, and I phone him today telling him that I've completed the leaflets and he asks for my bank details and HE SENDS ME £45/$56 FOR LITERALLY 3 HOURS WORK.
BEST PART OF THIS, HE'S BRINGING ME LEAFLETS EVERY MONDAY NOW....
[I CAN AFFORD THINGS AGAIN, LIKE UH....FANCY LOW CAL ICE CREAM IDK THIS IS GREAT YAS BITCH](https://youtu.be/8O0rqvYStvU?t=377)

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[Help] If I typically eat under my BMR everyday
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 11:50:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fk9b/if_i_typically_eat_under_my_bmr_everyday/
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Do two randomly huge binges that occur close together really matter in the long run? Will it ruin my progress? I mean I am restricting really low right now to try to make up for it, but honestly I just feel like shit and want to give in and raise the kcal limit I set myself. But I feel like it will just make the binge count more and ruin all of my progress if i do. And this is a binge I can not get out of.

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[Other] Calorie tracking apps other than mfp
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Thu Mar 30 11:32:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62fg7u/calorie_tracking_apps_other_than_mfp/
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Any recommendations for calorie tracking apps other that allow you to log low number without giving you the warning that mfp does? Also, would be a plus if they gave you the estimated weight based on how much you're eating. It's annoying to constantly be reminded that I'm being unhealthy lol

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[Other] tumblrs
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Thu Mar 30 10:53:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62f6mi/tumblrs/
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hey!!!

so i posted about tumblrs a few month ago, and i'm still hoping to make a lil community over there (because i feel like my rants are too sdhfksjfh to just post here, but i still wanna post them and maybe have some kind of support or something? i honestly dont know) and like, i wanna hear about y'all too and see ur choices for thinspo, etc

so post your tumblrs here! i'll follow you, and ill have a lil posty thing that u can like and so we can just go through the notes to follow one another

mine is cucumber-gin.tumblr.com

shit also if i follow u itll be a follow from my dead kpop blog, siwanglish

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[Help] Protein and weightlifting question
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 10:39:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62f3b9/protein_and_weightlifting_question/
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(on mobile, can't flair) so I have a little over ten pounds to get to my "goal" weight, but I know I won't be satisfied with that. I'm actually pretty sure I'll just want to continue. But in the meantime​ I also want to be fit, muscular, as well as tiny.

So my question is, how much can I rely on newb gains when lifting ect? I start and stop doing weights cause I'm afraid I'm not eating right to make any progress whatsoever. I know about eating about I gram of protein per pound and why a calorie surplus is important but I can't gain weight where I am right now. I could live with going back up to my current weight, but I can't go higher I just can't.

Is it even Worth trying until I'm will to gain weight?

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[Intro] Back after a loss
/u/girlnamedgypsy
Created: Thu Mar 30 09:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62es1x/back_after_a_loss/
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Over the last year, I've lurked this sub. I've had bulimia (really EDNOS- no binging, just purging) for 10 years. I went to treatment two years ago, but I couldn't really stop completely. I still engaged in behaviors 1-2 times a day (better than 5-7 it was at). I still kept the mindset and struggled with relapses a lot.

But 6 weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant and stopped cold turkey. I stopped browsing this sub, quit my behaviors, ate regularly and healthy. I was doing well.

But I lost the baby. And now, I'm back. I am back up to 3-4 times a day. My partner is upset because he knows I can get better, but I just don't care anymore. It's selfish as all hell, but this is the only thing that makes me feel normal. I honestly don't care if I'm killing myself. My body is disgusting anyway and I just want to disappear. I have never felt so much hate for myself. I feel like I should care and I should want to be better, but I don't.

I guess I just wanted to say that I'm back.

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[Discussion] Maintaining on 900 calories, lost weight on 2400. What the hell.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 09:20:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62eldm/maintaining_on_900_calories_lost_weight_on_2400/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Anyone else really scared that even if they reach their goal weight that they'll still be ugly?
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Thu Mar 30 09:20:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62el9u/discussion_anyone_else_really_scared_that_even_if/
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I'm just scared that even if I lose all that weight, make a skin routine, exercise, stay hydrated, have perfect hygiene... that I'll still have a crappy looking face. Short of plastic surgery, you can't change your face. /:

Anyone relate?

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[Thinspo] 🌺 another pretty, warm weather inspired thinspo album🌺
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Thu Mar 30 09:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62eisx/another_pretty_warm_weather_inspired_thinspo_album/
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http://imgur.com/a/SUVsj

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[Discussion] Let's have a laugh at ourselves. What is the vainest thing you do?
/u/m_inimal
Created: Thu Mar 30 08:11:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62e6bu/lets_have_a_laugh_at_ourselves_what_is_the/
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I can't remember which David Foster Wallace book this is in, but in one of them he explains this idea of "second-order vanity", which happens when a person is vain about *not looking* vain. I definitely do that. I have some genuine reasons why I don't wear makeup (laziness, it weirds me out that it's a cultural norm), but if we're being real, for me it's totally second-order vanity.

And (this is some next level shit): Sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror, I notice the way I hold my hands: when I'm holding something, when they're just neutral, when I mess with my hair or touch my face, whatever. *And I actively modify the way I do it.* Isn't that fucked up? Lol. I'm like "my wrists look smaller when I do *this* with my thumb instead of *this*." I'm insane.

---

i'm sweaty
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 08:05:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62e523/im_sweaty/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Bullet Journaling?
/u/ThisIsGumpy
Created: Thu Mar 30 08:03:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62e4jj/bullet_journaling/
---
So I have recently become obsessed with bullet journaling and I wondered if anyone else uses these to track your daily intake?
I always feel that something is more real if it is written on paper and I'm more prone to follow it and remember great alternatives when I am about to binge.

On mobile, cant flag. Sorry!

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[Rant/Rave] Broke a fast early and failed to get back on it. How do I curb the shame?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 06:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62drj0/broke_a_fast_early_and_failed_to_get_back_on_it/
---
[deleted]

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[Thinspo] I also have male thinspo
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Thu Mar 30 06:54:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62dr5r/i_also_have_male_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/30deA

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[Discussion] What is the one food weakness you have?
/u/Miss_Embie [167 | F | CW: 60 | GW: 57]
Created: Thu Mar 30 06:20:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62dldi/what_is_the_one_food_weakness_you_have/
---
In the UK we just had mothers day, so my sister bought our mum a massive box of Guylian seashells. I only wanted 1 to eat so I ate 17 of them which is roughly 1000cals. :(((

Guys!! Kill me please [I need dis](https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/ac_reese_egg_comp.jpg?w=748&h=392&crop=1)

---

[Thinspo] Anastasia Laguna (xpost TrueThinspo)
/u/sleepdeprivedhowl
Created: Thu Mar 30 06:14:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62dkhc/anastasia_laguna_xpost_truethinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/F6hGK

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 30 06:09:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62djob/weekly_emotional_support_march_30_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 30, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 30 06:09:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62djm2/daily_food_diary_march_30_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

Accountability Partner?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 30 03:40:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62cygk/accountability_partner/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Die Antwoord's Yolandi is 100% goals.
/u/adroit_MAXIMUM [5'5" | GW 100 | -21]
Created: Thu Mar 30 02:16:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62co8e/die_antwoords_yolandi_is_100_goals/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByzfjT9aktI

---

[Discussion] Losing Weight Loosening Skin?
/u/blackpearl62442
Created: Thu Mar 30 02:04:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62cms3/losing_weight_loosening_skin/
---
First time posting here, I'll just get straight to the point. How do y'all avoid big saggy loose skin suits? I'm afraid of reaching my UGW only to look at myself and see a big pile of saggy droopy skin like in super weight loss tv shows. I weigh 250 now, hoping to lose 125-150 lbs. Will it ever get that bad? Will my skin shrink? Kinda freaking out here.

Edit: I have no clue how to flair my post, and it doesn't appear to be easily accomplished on mobile. Shoot.

---

[Rant/Rave] Nutella Dilemma
/u/sprinkle1997 [156 cm | SW 70 kg CW 55.5 kg GW 45 kg | 19F]
Created: Thu Mar 30 00:23:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62ca82/nutella_dilemma/
---
I'm in South Korea rn as I have probably mentioned a million times in this sub. Anyways I bought a jar of Nutella to treat myself once in a while. Usually Koreans import the German versions of certain foods instead of the American versions because it's too sweet for their taste. So apparently the German Nutella is lower in cals? I've known Nutella to be 100 cal per tbsp but the jar I bought says 82 cal per 15 grams but I don't trust it so I'm just gonna log 50 cal for that half a tbsp I ate anyway :-))))

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[Discussion] Odd rewards?
/u/12764899321799421580
Created: Wed Mar 29 21:33:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62bn8y/odd_rewards/
---
I often see people rewarding themselves with clothes, but what do you guys plan on rewarding yourself with?

I'm going to buy myself a pretty blonde lacefront wig once I hit my goal weight, but until then I have to walk around with my hair in the "weird mullet" phase of being grown out from a pixie cut.

(Also, sorry if this type of post isn't allowed... I'm just curious to see if other people have unique rewards)

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[Help] What is the best way to make/store thinspo albums?
/u/apidose_pile
Created: Wed Mar 29 21:23:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62blg0/what_is_the_best_way_to_makestore_thinspo_albums/
---
I'd like to have something to scroll through on my phone (android).

I'm a dinosaur that still laments leaving Myspace for Facebook. What's the best app? Instagram? Tumblr? Do you like an app that easily stores downloaded images?

Thanks lovelies <3

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[Help] Preparing for uni?
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Wed Mar 29 21:17:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62bkcr/preparing_for_uni/
---
I'm going to uni next year and I'm planning on bringing a few of my essentials like the 6 vitamins I take everyday, a yoga mat, and a scale. I'm also planning on putting a full length mirror in my dorm room. If I get a roommate, I can pass off everything else as me trying to be "healthy", but the scale might be a little awkward. Should I still bring one? What did you guys bring to uni? Any tips in general?

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BTFC round 9 starts soon. I bet the peeps here could crush the competition.
/u/JamesBruceGamble
Created: Wed Mar 29 20:38:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62bd69/btfc_round_9_starts_soon_i_bet_the_peeps_here/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] For people taking Zoloft for BED, did it work for you?
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 20:18:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62b95k/for_people_taking_zoloft_for_bed_did_it_work_for/
---
My psychiatrist prescribed me Zoloft to help with my binge eating but I'm terrified of it making me gain even more weight. He's making me take it with Ritalin LA and abilify.

Can you please share your experiences?

Edit: thank you for sharing your experiences! ❤️ Made me feel better about taking zoloft

---

[Discussion] Does anybody else feel that their height changes with how much they eat?
/u/ohwhoaa [5'11"| CW 119.6lbs | GW 115lbs | BMI16.90 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 20:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62b6ot/does_anybody_else_feel_that_their_height_changes/
---
I know my title sounds crazy but hear me out.

Whenever I binge I feel like I'm 5 feet tall and 600 pounds and when I can actually fast for a few days, I feel like a tall, slim, Amazonian lol.

It's like the more I eat the shorter I get? I think it might have something with me already being 5'11". I like the way tall and skinny looks. I also like the way 5'0" 80 pound girls look but I know that's impossible for me so I think I like inspo that pertains to my height or slightly taller, and I don't want to feel like I'm shrinking.

Also I'm on my phone and web browser updated so I don't know how to flair this

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[Other] Maybe goodbye.
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 198.2 lbs | 37.55 | 91.8 lbs | GQ]
Created: Wed Mar 29 19:36:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62b0ry/maybe_goodbye/
---
I don't know if this is goodbye or not. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. So I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank you all for the support you've shown me. This community has meant so much to me; it's been the one safe space in all my life. I know I don't post here often and even more rarely reply, but I just wanted you all to know that you are beautiful, you matter, and you deserve to be happy and healthy and whole.

Salaam.

---

[Help] Sorry if this has been asked before (purging question)
/u/Discountmein
Created: Wed Mar 29 19:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62avwv/sorry_if_this_has_been_asked_before_purging/
---
Mods feel free to remove if this breaks the rules! I'm new here.

I'm just wondering if anyone has reliable information on how many calories are NOT consumed if you purge completely? I've been purging for almost 15 years but I can't seem to find anything conclusive.

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[Thinspo] more male thinspo to spread the love
/u/menonever [5'6" | CW: too high | UGW: 90lbs | M]
Created: Wed Mar 29 18:41:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62apwu/more_male_thinspo_to_spread_the_love/
---
https://i.redd.it/yb9vymnqyfoy.jpg

---

[Discussion] Am I losing weight for sport at this point?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 18:24:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62amol/am_i_losing_weight_for_sport_at_this_point/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] I want to binge so bad
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 17:38:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62adt3/i_want_to_binge_so_bad/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Are any of you over 25 years old? Curious.
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Mar 29 17:25:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62abgs/are_any_of_you_over_25_years_old_curious/
---
I'm kind of feeling that I'm too old for this Ed shit feels again

I'm sorry I'm so annoying but I guarantee you no one hates me more than I hate me.

---

[Discussion] Pretend Eating, I am tempted...
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:140 | GW1:125 | GW2:107 | -34 LBS]
Created: Wed Mar 29 17:12:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62a8xd/pretend_eating_i_am_tempted/
---
I read a fiction book recently about a character with an eating disorder. Some of the things this character did to trick everybody into thinking that they were eating was by playing with their food on their plate, holding food up to their mouth but not eating it, cutting up their food into small pieces, and clearing a space in their plate to make people think they ate.

I am very tempted to try this tonight. I went over my days allowed calories and now I am tempted to see if any of this will work. I am supposed to have dinner with my partner tonight and I really don't want to eat. I have never done this type of behavior before. I have always just tried my best to not eat during the day or fuck up and beat myself over it later.

---

[Discussion] Any great teeth whitening products?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Mar 29 16:12:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/629wlk/any_great_teeth_whitening_products/
---
So I thought this sub would be the most real with me here

Do any of you guys use any teeth whitening products that doesn't harm the teeth but actually works? I've heard of activated charcoal or that HisSmile product thing among others.

Asking cuz I purge everyday and I'm self conscious about my teeth

Thank you

---

What's your daily calorie intake?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 16:10:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/629w5a/whats_your_daily_calorie_intake/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] coping with 'recovery' weight gain
/u/ouijagrl
Created: Wed Mar 29 15:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/629nnh/coping_with_recovery_weight_gain/
---
hey everyone, this is my first post on this subreddit. i hope maybe someone can offer me some insight or even tell me your own stories? i'd love to hear and love reading through this subreddit.

i'm 19 f, 5'7 and have suffered with bulimia from a young age but a few years ago(around age 15/16) i managed to go from 130lbs to under 90lbs in the matter of maybe 2 months due to depression and general self loathing. the weight gradually crept back up though when i turned 17 because i was feeling happy with a new relationship and had that to preoccupy me, i maintained at 105-110 for a long time and was quite happy with it, still wishing to be under 90 again though. in the last year or so, after being put on medication for anxiety, PoTS and taking the pill, my weight has crept up to 136-137 lbs now. this is crazy to me and i just can't fathom how i've let myself do this. it's like half of me thinks it's okay to have gained this weight because i am a bit older now but the other half is still obsessed with getting back down to 90lbs.

i never really fully recovered mentally, i never sought professional help for my ED. i spend a lot of time now looking at old photos of myself. i don't think i'll ever be able to live at a healthy weight because i know that at this same height, i used to be so much lighter. i can't eat normally now though, like i will go the whole day without eating and then manage to consume 2000 calories in one go through bingeing. i keep losing 7 lbs and then i immediately put it back on. i'm stuck in an endless cycle of losing a bit of weight, then gaining it back.

i really just want to get down to my favourite weight of around 105-110 lbs. i don't like being at this 'healthy' weight. are there any other people who've gone from being underweight to overweight/normal weight? i'd love to hear anyone's thoughts. thank you for reading x

---

[Rant/Rave] I WANT TO STOP PURGING
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 15:19:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/629kmz/i_want_to_stop_purging/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] What scale do you use?
/u/kipperonis [5'4.5" | CW: 108 | GW: 105 | 20M]
Created: Wed Mar 29 15:06:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/629hdy/what_scale_do_you_use/
---
I live with my parents and no one else really uses the scale, so it's one that's older than me and is subsequently dying. Like, I don't think I gained 4 pounds in five minutes? Not to mention that it measures 2 pounds over, which I know because I took my aunt's scale once lmao

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo 💎
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 15:00:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/629g62/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/9nu9ueyhveoy.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Fat Girl in a Musical: Mom found account
/u/confirmedeverything [5'1 | Dont Know Dont Wanna Know | Blegh | 17 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 13:44:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/628yco/fat_girl_in_a_musical_mom_found_account/
---
My mom found my account (AGAIN) so I very rashly deleted all my posts. She understands now that this community is a supportive outlet for me, and I am seldom triggered by the "pro eating disorder" subject matter here. I don't restrict very heavily, I'm honestly more recovery minded than anything.

So to recap, I was cast in BARE the musical in which I am playing a "fat pudgy sad" character named Nadia. This KILLED me when I first found out. I'm now working through it, rehearsal by rehearsal, singing songs called "Plain Jane Fat Ass" in which I sing crude lines such as "there's a thin girl inside her with twelve of her friends." Obviously this is hard! But I got AMAZING support from you guys, and I'd like to keep reaching out and sharing with you this crazy story.... I'm sorry the previous posts are gone... but I got scared. This community is crazy, but every recovery minded girl and boy has been here at one point in their journey. I find SO much understanding here, no bullshit, the real deal. No flowery crap I get from therapists and recovery groups like "oh sweetie it'll be okay just breathe! BUT EAT BREAKFAST" like.....I do eat breakfast. Without much drama.

I've been in recovery/had anorexia for 5 years by the way.

Also, should we talk about privatizing this sub.....?

---

I'm eating lunch with my coworker and she keeps making "fat girl" noises
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" |higher than snoop | -45 (+6 oops)| 21F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 13:42:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/628xxh/im_eating_lunch_with_my_coworker_and_she_keeps/
---
[removed]

---

[Intro] A tangled history of ED....& it's back
/u/anonaccount001
Created: Wed Mar 29 13:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/628pq7/a_tangled_history_of_ed_its_back/
---
Hi! I'm fairly new to this subreddit and wanted to introduce myself. The first time I thought I was fat I was 7 years old. I think this is when my body dysmorphia started because I was by no means fat. That's when food started to be clouded by feelings of guilt. I would "sneak" food into my room and finish whole boxes of snacks.

The disordered eating began to get worse in middle and high school. I would skip breakfast and lunch and only eat a snack and dinner. I did this without counting cals or anything, I just knew I felt better this way.

It began to get even worse at the age of 16. I was moved across the country and had no friends. All I focused on was my weight. I binged to about 140 lbs. Then I did the south beach diet, exercised everyday and got down to 120lbs at 17. I was so happy. Over the next two years I ballooned to 180 lbs. I ate my feelings away because my mom was sick and ended up dying. Losing control made me feel worse. When I saw the number 180 lbs on the scale, it flipped a switch. I began to only eat 1 meal a day. Less than 700ish cals. I did this for a month and lost 20lbs. Over the next 2 years I plateaued at 135lbs. I was eating semi normal, nothing too drastic eating mostly a normal (vegan) diet.

Now. I'm not one to say "triggered"; I know it's a real thing. But I've been triggered. My boyfriend of 9 months and I have hit a rough patch. Basically he would deny me for sex for most of our relationship. We would do it twice a week max, and I would try at least 2-3 other times and get denied because he was "tired", "bloated","not feeling it" . This made me feel so upset but I accounted it on us being past the phase of sex all the time or he has a low libido, but nope. I found out he's been looking at porn and masturbating when I'm asleep or away from home. He did this about 3 times a week. Let's say this fucking ruined me. Why would he deny me to masturbate. Well I've taken it out on myself and am back to eating one meal.

In the last 7 days I've lost 7lbs and it feels so good. I have control. I want to get back down to 120 lbs. So I'm here to stay.

Stats:
Height: 5'3
Highest weight: 180lbs
Lowest weight: 120lbs
Current weight: 130lbs
Goal weight: 120lbs.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate that no matter what you do, it's never good enough.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 12:38:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/628j8s/i_hate_that_no_matter_what_you_do_its_never_good/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Need to get out of eating tonight; help?
/u/Ghengis-Khunt [5'5" |129.5 |21.8|GW: 110]
Created: Wed Mar 29 12:23:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/628fv9/need_to_get_out_of_eating_tonight_help/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] I have another binge day for date night friday
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 11:58:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6289td/i_have_another_binge_day_for_date_night_friday/
---
[deleted]

---

[Discussion] What are your favorite low calorie desserts?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 29 11:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6286ea/what_are_your_favorite_low_calorie_desserts/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] A new beginning...? Hopefully?
/u/d_25 [5'10 | CW: Baby Elephant | GW: 125 | 17M]
Created: Wed Mar 29 10:06:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/627jsz/a_new_beginning_hopefully/
---
Hi, my name is Danny.

For the past year I've been grappling with cycles of binge eating and bulimia after having been hospitalized for depression and suicidal ideations. As of right now, nothing on earth gives me more anxiety than food and eating, which inadvertently effects all other aspects of my life (i.e. school, work. etc.)

After being incredibly overweight as a child, my body is still struggling to lose baby fat that I absolutely despise to look at and feel-- leading me to an endless cycle of fad-diets, restricting, and ultimately binging. I hate this so much. I hate myself, I hate food, I hate eating, but for some goddamn reason it's all so unavoidable.

My next step after a whole year of yo-yoing weight and binging is to see a new psychiatrist to hopefully be prescribed Vyvanse so I may get everything under control for at least a few months.

I want to get better because food is a prison that makes me want to die and these next steps are to help me recover.

Anyone have any experience asking for Vyvanse specifically from their psych? I'm worried it might cause some red flags but it seems like the way I want to go right now... thanks guys!

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[Help] How does chewing and spitting hurt your teeth if you brush and floss everyday? [Help]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Wed Mar 29 08:44:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6271fq/how_does_chewing_and_spitting_hurt_your_teeth_if/
---
I was just wondering how me chewing and spitting is really going to end up hurting my teeth when I brush and floss everyday and don't purge. How is this any different than eating it? Doesn't the food just leave the mouth from the other end?

---

[Rant/Rave] 'Good job, sweetheart.' - my waiter
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Wed Mar 29 08:17:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/626vmd/good_job_sweetheart_my_waiter/
---
I'm at a family lunch. I ordered a pizza and a salad. It was huge, even to me (who eats super fast), and it took 45 minutes to finish. Yet I still finished it.

The waiter that came to take our empty plates smiled at me and said: "Good job, sweetheart."

It felt genuine and nice, but it made me shrink in my seat like a deflated baloon.

Good thing I purged it right away. I feel better. I am literally a deflated baloon right now.

---

[Rant/Rave] why does every event revolve around food
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Wed Mar 29 07:38:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/626ns1/why_does_every_event_revolve_around_food/
---
I know my ED is getting bad again when I don't want to hang out with friends anymore. its not that I'm an extremely social person, Im not, I love being alone, but on the other hand I have extreme FOMO- I hate being left out. It sucks that everything my friends do revolves around alcohol, which makes me gain hella weight, and food. I just wish social events could be about coffee or nothing at all.

---

[Thinspo] I put together a little album of thinspo that's pretty & bright. <3
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 29 07:31:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/626mhn/i_put_together_a_little_album_of_thinspo_thats/
---
http://imgur.com/a/CG3V1

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[Goal] I did it! Under 300 calories yesterday even after an evening with my ex
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 140.3lb | 20.35 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 06:13:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6268mj/i_did_it_under_300_calories_yesterday_even_after/
---
There's not really much say except that I'm really happy I didn't end up bingeing last night. I didn't do so great over the weekend and then went grocery shopping Monday night to try to motivate myself to at least stop ordering take out. I was worried that I wasn't going to be successful yesterday but the night wasn't as stressful as I thought it was going to be. For breakfast I had coffee and my ec stack, lunch was a 100cal pack of dill pickle cashews and 130cal pack of Annie's honey grahams, snack was another ec stack and dasani pink lemonade flavor drops, I had 2 sips of coffee with creamer around dinner time, and then just a vitamin water zero when I got home at 11. I feel so much lighter this morning and it's so encouraging to think that I might be able to do it today too. I plan on going to bikram yoga tonight and maybe tomorrow I'll be under 140!

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 29 06:13:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6268ls/way_to_go_wednesday_march_29_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for March 29, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 29, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 29 06:13:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6268kj/daily_food_diary_march_29_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 29, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Intro] So glad to have found this community... <3
/u/MadameFizzgig
Created: Wed Mar 29 04:38:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/625umw/so_glad_to_have_found_this_community_3/
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Hi everyone, I've been lurking here for quite some time and decided that I really wanted to make a post.

When I was around 12 I was diagnosed with some health issues and I needed to take a massive amount of medicine which made me quickly gain a lot of weight. Ever since then, my view of my body has been horrible. I've also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which makes it very difficult for me to lose weight.

So for many years I've struggled on and off with ED behavior and it has largely gone unnoticed because I'm pretty overweight. Recently though, I've started to decrease my food intake drastically. I just feel as if I've tried everything to lose weight and either it doesn't happen or I lose it so slowly that it's not worth the effort I'm putting in.

I'm just really happy to have found a community of people who are going through similar things, and who aren't super judgmental and skeptical that I have an ED just because I'm overweight. It absolutely sickens me that people that have ED behaviors who aren't skeletal are often considered to be a non-issue.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. <3

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh I binged.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 03:44:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/625nqn/ugh_i_binged/
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Ate 2600 cals total. My stomach hurts so bad. I'm not purging but I feel like a fucking failure and sick. Who eats 6 poptarts and then polishes off a box of cheezits? This girl. Fml. And I have a date this Friday I was planning for and now I def can't indulge without guilt. I just feel so sad.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Lonely feelings
/u/HellAbove [5'6.5"|149.2lbs|23.7|20F]
Created: Wed Mar 29 02:57:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/625i50/rant_lonely_feelings/
---
So, ever since I started recovery I never noticed how much of a lonely process it is. Before recovery, I never noticed just how much my obsession towards food and weight kept me company. I never once felt lonely cause I had my Bulimia, my studies, and my friends to keep my occupied. But the last few months, I've been so lonely it's been almost unbearable. I love my friends and I know that I can go to them with anything but I feel like a huge burden on them. I also don't want to trigger them because they have their own eating issues. In fact one of my best friends is in an intensive outpatient program for her Bulimia. For me to just dump all my nonsense on her would be selfish and inconsiderate of me. It may sound pretty stupid but I miss losing weight and having a goal each and every week. I looked forward to seeing a new low. It kept me occupied. Now don't get me wrong, college and hobbies keep me pretty occupied. But at the end of the day...what then? What now? I feel ashamed but Sunday, I started counting my calories again. I ate damn near 2,600 calories. I immediately went out and bought laxatives, primatene, and green tea extract. I've been successfully keeping it between 1000-1200 calories the past few days. I suck, but what else is new???
Sorry for being all whiny but I really needed to get this off my chest.

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[Help] I've literally become addicted to quest bars.
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 23:50:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624vj8/ive_literally_become_addicted_to_quest_bars/
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Ok, so I discovered quest bars when I started keto in 2015. (that was Pre-ED) They were just on the go food for school and work, maybe ate one every other day. In the past few months my disordered eating has shifted to full blown. I switched from the actual quest brand to the costco kirkland brand knock offs, because they're hella cheaper and taste wayyy better. But I'll just call them quest bars for clarity's sake. So, it became a safe/comfort food. Except now, they're literally 90% of my diet. I eat anywhere between 4-6 a day, and/or a low carb protein shake.


My ability to eat a normal "real food" meal is diminishing. I used to enjoy eating things like salads, eggs, lean meats, etc but now I have no desire. The bars just feel so safe, because I can track the exact macros down to a T. Also I've started lifting so protein is super important to me. I don't know how to break this!! My dad has become concerned and started hiding the boxes from me, and would give me my daily "allotment" but he has just given up at this point. Just writing this makes me want to go eat one :( I don't think this would qualify as selective eating disorder but I have had issues in the past where i become fixated on one specific food (but not to this degree).

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How to lose weight fast!!!!!!
/u/throwaway03199519
Created: Tue Mar 28 23:21:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624rju/how_to_lose_weight_fast/
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https://www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/lose-weight-fast?utm_term=.wtJnbx0Ge&ref=mobile_share

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[Other] Do you like it?
/u/ashlynlollis
Created: Tue Mar 28 23:11:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624q4a/do_you_like_it/
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I kinda fucked up and smeared it... It still looks okay though right? [Right??](http://imgur.com/c7I9lpN)

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[Rant/Rave] i feel like im sinking (long)
/u/dont_fee_lfull [5"5' | 160lbs | fat cow | -40lbs ]
Created: Tue Mar 28 23:03:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624oxv/i_feel_like_im_sinking_long/
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i made an alt cos i dont wanna use my main for this.

i ate myself to 200lbs. a gross 200lbs girl that hated herself and tried to fill the void with all sorts of garbage food.

i started at around 200- 195lbs in the beginning of 2016. wore size 16 pants, xl shirt. i was so fat and disgusting, i could barely look at myself and i could tell others could barely look at me.

i got sick in jan-feb 2016 with some sort of stomach flu, i just couldnt stomach or look at food and would eat very little everyday. i tried getting high and eating, but everything was just revolting, even the sight of food turned me off.

from there to march i went down to 185lbs, then by june-july i was down to 170lbs (through "healthy means") and i was very happy. i could fit in a size 10-12, people were telling me i looked smaller. i threw out all my size 16 pants, vowing to never be seen in a size so huge. i loved it, but i knew i didnt want to stop there.

between july 2016 and feb 2017, i ate whatever, but exercised moderately and still more or less watched what i ate. but as time went on, i kept looking in the mirror. i knew i wasnt skinny, but i tiny bit better than what i used to look like. i hated myself. it was a spiral back into self hatred, id wear elastic bands around my wrists and snap them until i had welts. i looked like a pig in the mirror, wide hips, belly, fat legs, jiggly arms, puffy cheeks.

it was only for 2 weeks between the end of feb and march this year , i cut everything out. 800-900 calories a day, sometimes less. i felt so disciplined and great. in just 2 weeks, i lost 10lbs. all my clothing is loose, my tummy is a little smaller. everyone at work noticed how loose my tshirts are on me. the constant hunger was so exhilirating. at some point i wouldnt even feel it. i felt high.

and im relapsing so bad. i cant stop stuffing my face for this past whole week, probably more. i havent gained, and im trying to do alot of excercise per day. but by the time 9pm rolls around, all i can think about is food, and i binge easily 1000+ calories. i just sit down and stuff my face until im full, and yet i crave more. i feel disgusting, i was doing well, id love to crush another 40lbs of fat on my body.

i feel like a pig and i dont know what to do. i think id kill myself if i even gained 5 pounds back

---

[Rant/Rave] Gotta love my clueless boyfriend
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3.5" | CW: 146.9 | -50lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Tue Mar 28 22:28:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624jpa/gotta_love_my_clueless_boyfriend/
---
So, my boyfriend picks up my phone and unlocks it, and it opens to my Lose it app and he kinda stares at it for a few secs, and then goes back to our conversation. It literally said my intake for today was 550. I immediately plan my response as "oh, I haven't finished logging everything for today yet ha ha" but he doesn't even say anything. I promptly remember he knows nothing about calories or perhaps didn't register the info? Or maybe he thinks 550 is acceptable for a shortie like me to lose weight.

Whatever the reason, damn is he clueless and oblivious

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[Discussion] "I ate 500 calories a day for a month and I GAINED 10 POUNDS!!!"
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Mar 28 22:13:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624hfh/i_ate_500_calories_a_day_for_a_month_and_i_gained/
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[removed]

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[Help] How to minimize a growling stomach?
/u/Throwaway6791191
Created: Tue Mar 28 21:32:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/624aly/how_to_minimize_a_growling_stomach/
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I'm in high school and honestly this just isn't something I want to worry about happening. It's embarrassing to say the least, and it distracts me from my work. I really really want to fast and half the time I'm not even physically hungry, it's just that my stomach growls and makes me want to eat to shut it up.

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I'm the fattest laziest slob
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Tue Mar 28 21:23:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62492f/im_the_fattest_laziest_slob/
---
[removed]

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Managed only 500 or less cals a day for a week
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf
Created: Tue Mar 28 19:40:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/623qmd/managed_only_500_or_less_cals_a_day_for_a_week/
---
[removed]

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[Tip] My first thought "ha, that's an ED hack"
/u/tinybites [24F | cw: 141.6 | gw: 115 | -43.6 lbs]
Created: Tue Mar 28 19:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/623oix/my_first_thought_ha_thats_an_ed_hack/
---
http://imgur.com/LzeAwQ6

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[Rant/Rave] [rant] How can one little sweet have so many damn calories?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 19:25:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/623o0b/rant_how_can_one_little_sweet_have_so_many_damn/
---
Someone brought sweets and sandwiches to one of my classes today and I had a mini bundt cake thinking it would be the lowest cal option.... nope. 550 calories for the tiny cake! It pushed me way over my TDEE for the day and I'm freaking out. I feel like no matter what I do I'm stuck in a cycle of bingeing lately.

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[Discussion] I'll never get to know if my ED was passed down to me
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 133 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Tue Mar 28 18:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/623hvq/ill_never_get_to_know_if_my_ed_was_passed_down_to/
---
my mom has a terrible relationship with her mom, but so many things stick out to me. I'm the "mentally ill" person in the family, and the only other person known to me is my mom's mom. I barely know her, but long story short, she was VERY physically and emotionally abusive towards my mom, but not her sister. Her sister and her mom live many states away from the rest of the family. But holy shit, my mom over the years has told me stories on top of stories of her mom calling her fat constantly. I was also told recently that she has been to therapy for anxiety/depression. I have no reason to be as depressed and anxious as i am so since then I'm convinced that it was just passed down to me. I haven't seen her in years, but she is quite thin so it's a possibility that she has an ED??? i'm not sure. i'll never know, i can't ask. Another thing, i developed IBS from all the turmoil i put my digestive system through (yay, abusing lax /:). when i told my parents about it, they said, "that's weird. your grandma has IBS." what the fuck??? i think it's a huge possibility- i have no traumatic things that have made me into such a neurotic person so obsessed with food and weight. I hate how i'll never know if genetics is why i developed all these issues growing up. ugh.

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[Thinspo] Blackpinks Lisa is thinspo and confidence goals.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Tue Mar 28 18:40:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/623fix/blackpinks_lisa_is_thinspo_and_confidence_goals/
---
https://youtu.be/00qa_ElXuWU?t=12s

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[Rant/Rave] [rave] Fasting
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 17:19:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622zwz/rave_fasting/
---
I'm 22 hours in to my first 24 hour fast and I have an amazing low(ish) calorie meal planned for breaking my fast and I'm just really excited, you guys. 😊😊😊😊

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[Rant/Rave] Friends are a liability.
/u/Elope
Created: Tue Mar 28 17:13:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622yod/friends_are_a_liability/
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I'm so tired of being sabotaged by other people. Or at least, in *my* mind they're sabotaging me. They don't force the food into my mouth, but being with them means putting myself into situations where I constantly eat more than I want to. It's turning me against my best friends. I'm sitting here absolutely hating myself because I met up with friends today and we ended up going for fucking dinner. Day ruined, self hatred running high. I'm just so irrationally angry at them. A part of me hates myself for it, but a bigger part honestly just wants to say fuck it and tell everyone that until I'm done dieting I don't want to be around them. I'm seriously considering just taking a week or two away from people. Focus on my college work and my dieting. The thought of solitude is honestly so good. My friend even said to me "I'm glad you're not going on about the calories in that meal".

Fuck. That. My mind is currently falling apart, thank you very much. I just spent a stupid amount of money to end up having myself. I literally paid for regret and guilt. And as much as it makes me an asshole, I wouldn't have done it if I had have just gone home like I'd wanted to. Fuck.

Anyone else feel this way?

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[Rant/Rave] Date Night Canceled
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:140 | GW1:125 | GW2:107 | -34 LBS]
Created: Tue Mar 28 16:44:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622sy6/date_night_canceled/
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and I am excited because it means that I don't have to eat tonight. That's pretty fucked up. Sigh...

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[Discussion] Kind of just wanted to get my thoughts out there- creating a word document isn't helping today.
/u/xlemonadex
Created: Tue Mar 28 16:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622ps8/kind_of_just_wanted_to_get_my_thoughts_out_there/
---
I feel like I don't have anything together and I'm one step away from a breakdown.

I work full time (8:30-5:30 most days, sometimes 7:30-5:30) and then I play netball and soccer in the afternoons (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday) on days that I play sport I don't usually get home until 8:30-9:00.

Today I have a day off and this morning I was going to have a hot cross bun for breakfast but suddenly there were two on my plate. I felt sick to my stomach as I ate the first one- the guilt was overwhelming but I still felt this compulsion to finish the meal. I literally took a deep breath and chucked all of the food into the bin.

Instead of wasting around 450 calories, I only wasted around 250.

Lunch will be 150, and tea will be 300, which brings me to 700 calories for today before netball training tonight.

Goals for today:

- Drink plenty of water
- Buy coke zero
- Go for a run before training
- Organise room

I love having a day off work.

P.S. My boyfriend has finally started working full time, which means that he can't monitor my food. Not that he actively does, but I know that he notices things.

---

[Discussion] DAE get dizzy and have their vision black out every time they stand up?
/u/insigniania [5'7 | CW: 110 | 17.2 | F |]
Created: Tue Mar 28 16:17:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622ne9/dae_get_dizzy_and_have_their_vision_black_out/
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Every time I stand up I get very dizzy, and my vision fades to black, then comes back (it takes about 2 to 5 seconds). Does this happen to any of you? This has been happening to me for months, but for the past few weeks I've been really focusing on drinking tons of water, taking my vitamins, and I see no improvement. Has anyone figured out why this happens to them? I feel like it must be some nutrient I am overlooking, but it is possible it is not ed related.



More info: Kind of subconciously maintaining a 17.5 BMI. I haven't been restricting calories, I don't avoid salt, but I might not get enough. I eat vegan, take a multivitamin and a b-vitamin. What I do restrict is sugar and empty carbs, processed foods.

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[Rant/Rave] I have 5 cups of puke lined up on my windowsill and it's disgustingly satisfying
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 28 16:05:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622ktr/i_have_5_cups_of_puke_lined_up_on_my_windowsill/
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[deleted]

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Interview. Update.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Mar 28 15:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/622fyc/interview_update/
---
[removed]

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[Goal] Hello 140s
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3.5" | CW: 146.9 | -50lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Tue Mar 28 14:19:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/621x43/hello_140s/
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I finally reached the 140s! I haven't seen them in so long and I kind of thought I never would again at my HW. the 140s are big for me because its here that people start saying I look good (laugh) I think it's just how I carry my weight but whatever, I'm excited because it also means I'm halfway there! Considering I started at 194 in December, I'm pretty darn pleased with myself!

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[Discussion] How to cure your ed in three seconds
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Tue Mar 28 14:00:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/621sqc/how_to_cure_your_ed_in_three_seconds/
---
I want to make another shitty YouTube video! I want it to be something like "how to cure your eating disorder/mental illness in three seconds" (a working title) and I want it to be all the shit normies tell you to either 1. Lose weight 2. Eat more 3. Keep it down 4. Just stop being depressed. You know what I mean? I have a few of my own but I want more. FOR EXAMPLE I told my psychiatrist that my meds won't working how they were supposed to bc I kept purging them. To that she said "okay I have an idea, how about you just take them and not purge?" And then I was cured! Just like that! No more ed! So if this makes sense I would like some cool/funny/stupid shit that people have told you through the years. And if you want I'll credit you in my vid bbys ;) This is funny to me but idk how it will be to other brains. Also this is a selfie merry penis to everyone

Also I'm going to link my channel and don't hate me too much bc I know I did this earlier today. I really think this will be fun and I would really love feedback bc I need validation to live tbh [my channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFtW5d_k-0-F8mERo5C1mVA)

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[Rant/Rave] I don't feel like a sexual being anymore
/u/m_inimal
Created: Tue Mar 28 13:17:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/621izf/i_dont_feel_like_a_sexual_being_anymore/
---
Of the many, many terrible ways that being at too high a weight affects my mental well-being, I think one of the worst is how my ability to view myself as a sexual being (and not be utterly disgusted at the thought) is completely contingent on my feelings about my body.

And it goes far beyond just "I feel too fat to have sex with anyone." Sex with another human being?! Hahahaha. Right now, that's absolutely out of the question. At my current weight (which, objectively, doesn't even put me in the "overweight" category BMI-wise, but still feels disgustingly high to me), here's a list of a few things that make my skin crawl THAT SHOULD BE NORMAL AND FUN:

* being flirted with/"checked out", either in the street by random people or by people I know. It makes me feel worthless and dirty. The extra fat on my body hypersexualizes me, and I hate it. Even when I go out wearing baggy, butch-as-fuck clothes (which I truly do love to wear, just not all the time, and not purely as a hiding mechanism) I get whistled at BY MEN. Stahp. And it's not because it's misogynistic that it bothers me; that's the worst bit. It's that I'm gross, and I don't deserve that kind of attention. It feels like the world is trying to positively reinforce my current body, which normally would be great. It's just, I don't want that *right now*, because I don't feel like it's appropriate. On someone else, who loves and accepts this body/weight, great! Keep the catcalls coming (to the point where they get annoying)! On me, noooo. Ugly, fat girls like me don't get "hollered at", so stop.

And what's WAY worse, is being hit on by guys who, in a better state of mind, I would totally like to date! But I'm not ready, i'm not good enough. It's to the point where, if someone's into me, I assume something's wrong with *them*, because who in their right mind would be attracted to this fat piece of shit? I get that some guys like bigger girls, and that's awesome (hell, *I* like bigger girls too) but I'm not one of those girls, and don't want to be.

* Masturbating. When I'm okay with my body, it's awesome and I do it all the time. When I'm not, I feel like a disgusting sexual deviant who doesn't deserve it. It feels like self-abuse to be touching a body that I find so disgusting and hate so much.

* Seeing myself naked (or clothed, just mirrors in general). UGH the worst one. Thank God for steam fogging up the bathroom mirror, so I can quickly wrap myself in a towel before i'm forced to see the monstrosity I've become. I don't put any thought into outfits anymore except "Is this comfortable, and does it hide my body?" If the answer is yes, it's a go. There's just something viscerally sickening about the thought of a fat version of myself twirling in the mirror, primping, whatever, thinking I look cute. Vanity is unattractive as it is, but on someone for whom it's not even justified in the slightest? Ewwwww


And, for clarity, NONE of these feelings of disgust apply to other people! I know many women who are probably close to my weight, or even much higher, who are beautiful and *deserve* to be checked out by men, to get asked out, to feel sexual pleasure, to feel beautiful in the mirror, etc.

Just not me

---

[Discussion] Coffee?
/u/alovelytime
Created: Tue Mar 28 12:06:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/62125f/coffee/
---
So I've always loved coffee but avoided it because I was afraid of getting an addiction to the caffeine (my mom is an actual caffeine addict and according to her it has caused her health issues). For a good 2 years (pre-ed) all I drank was water with the occasional drink of sweet tea or juice but mostly water. It wasn't till recently that I have been introducing zero calorie drinks into my diet. Just this week I started drinking coffee again, and had a whoosh because of it. The first day drinking it I had BM and dropped like 2lbs overnight! So now I really feel like I should start drinking it more often. It's weird because soda has caffeine in it too but doesn't make me go to the bathroom the way coffee does.

I guess my question is, if I where to drink a cup of coffee once a day would it have negative affects in the long run? Does anyone else feel like coffee helps their BM? (For me it's almost painful at times because I get bad cramping, probably the only downside lol) and how many cups of coffee do you guys normally drink?

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[Discussion] Anyone else rocking that sexy lanugo?
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 11:54:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620zaa/anyone_else_rocking_that_sexy_lanugo/
---
When I'm cold I look like a duckling covered in down, lol.

My face is so fuzzy, and I've had FWBs comment on the fine blonde hair I sport on my shoulders, back, and stomach. One of them would pinch it like "why do you grow fuzz?"

It's not typically something I'm embarrassed about, or proud of. It's just part of my body, haha. I don't go out of my way to hide it or shave it, but it's definitely there and people do notice it.

How do you all feel about your lanugo? Hate it? Love it? Don't care?

Discuss!

---

[Rant/Rave] Gallbladder failing, laxatives and depression
/u/rxBootySlayer [6'0| 194.6 | GW 145 | -45.4lbs | 26F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 11:48:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620xqi/gallbladder_failing_laxatives_and_depression/
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I haven't posted here in awhile, because I felt like such a failure for gaining back 10 lbs in the last month and a half. Also been dealing with horrible stomach pain and bloating, depression with my weight gain.

I recently found out I may have to have my gallbladder removed and the ten lbs gained may be from being so backed up with literal shit.

I got put on laxatives and ever since I've been having so much pain. I can't find any communities besides r/ibs but I don't feel I belong there because I'm not going through ibs...


Has anyone else gotten their gallbladder removed?

Will I lose weight?

Is it normal to feel excruciating pain from laxative use? (17g of miralax once a day)


I was doing so good and I've lost all motivation but now, I want to get back on track and I'm a horrible human being.


Hi again.

Also on mobile, sorry for no flair. :(

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[Discussion] Throwing up from drinking tea on an empty stomach?
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 11:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620oyu/throwing_up_from_drinking_tea_on_an_empty_stomach/
---
I woke up today feeling completely fine and had a cup of tea, as I do every morning. Green tea today.

About 20 minutes later, my stomach started feeling weird. A few minutes after that, the tea all came back up, along with a bit of last night's dinner.

I was confused as fuck (I don't purge) so I did some googling and apparently it's a thing that drinking tea on an empty stomach can cause nausea and vomiting???? Because of the tannins. There are lots of blogs and posts about it, and I found a whole MPA thread where lots of people said they've experienced this.

Have you guys ever had this happen? I'm really surprised because I've been drinking tons of tea my entire life but I've never experienced or heard of this. Tea is usually my go-to when I'm really hungry but now I'm scared to drink it, fuuck.

^(^also ^kind ^of ^wondering ^whether ^it ^could ^possibly ^be ^used ^for ^purging ^even ^though ^it's ^supposedly ^related ^to ^having ^an ^empty ^stomach.)

Just curious about anyone else's experiences. Thanks!!

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[Discussion] DAE bounce from "ED Mania" to numb?
/u/cinnamoncactus [5'6'' | 115 | 18.4 | -98 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 11:03:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620n1g/dae_bounce_from_ed_mania_to_numb/
---
I'm sure other people here have this phenomenon but I feel like I'm fucking crazy or something. So for periods of about a month, maybe longer, I get this absolutely manic feeling about my ED behavior. I feel like I'm buzzing or something and it's a bit hard to explain. It happens whether I'm binging or restricting and then I go into a numb period where IDGAF about anything but still go through the motions of restricting/whatnot. Idk it's just weird to me and I don't really prefer one over the other but I think I just got out of my feeling numb period and am back on feeling manic. I guess I just feel like I'm split into 2 versions of myself in many ways in regards to my ED behavior. I also just obsess over whether I'm crazy or not. oh lordy

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[Help] What helps you lose your appetite?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 28 11:01:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620mml/what_helps_you_lose_your_appetite/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] low cal pumpkin pancakes!
/u/_pancaste_ [5'6 | 127 | -21]
Created: Tue Mar 28 10:58:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620lqu/low_cal_pumpkin_pancakes/
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http://imgur.com/GlHDN4K

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[Discussion] Anyone else have an Tumblr for their ED?
/u/MhmStephany [5'3" | 168.2 | -24 lbs | UGW 101]
Created: Tue Mar 28 10:45:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620iur/anyone_else_have_an_tumblr_for_their_ed/
---
I recently made an entirely new Tumblr for thinspo pics, occasional text posts for rants/raves, and to follow my friend /u/blondecurlyhair who also has a really great thinspo Tumblr.

Does anyone have their own page whether it's personal/pics/rants/etc.? I'd love to follow more familiar faces on here and I also plan to do my body checks and keep myself accountable via Tumblr. Feel free to link y'alls below!!!

Mine: slimandsarcastic.tumblr.com
/u/blondecurlyhair: beachtulip.tumblr.com

Edit: not sure how to hyperlink on mobile :(

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[Rant/Rave] Bulimia jokes
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Tue Mar 28 10:40:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620hoy/bulimia_jokes/
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When people make ed related jokes I see red and I'm itching to punch (murder) them. But like when we do it, it's fine and it's funny. Right? I mean fucking hopefully. I feel like if we don't laugh about the shit we've put ourselves through we'll end up crying and more depressed than usual (maybe just me idk). Like when normies say they're anorexic bc they skipped breakfast or maybe they should just be bulimic bc they had a big dinner LIKE NO FUCK YOU DUDE. I could rant about this for days but I'm already annoying myself. Also um I kind of wanted to post my video here where I make depression jokes and bulimia jokes bc I am the whole package. Okay bye don't hate me friendships

[shitty mental health jokes lol](https://youtu.be/pn7FkoEhS0A)

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend is going to be back soon...
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 10:35:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620gfn/boyfriend_is_going_to_be_back_soon/
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So, my boyfriend is in the military and just finished his course training. We're in a long distance relationship and, while I'm excited that it's going to be ending, I'm also nervous. I know that when I'm with him I'm likely to eat more and last time he was here, he shared concerns about my body. Now I'm a bit... Boney-er in places and I don't want to gain weight, but I don't know how to handle this. I don't think I can hide my body forever from him, but I don't know what to do. I really don't want him freaking out, but I don't see any other way this can end. Luckily he's not huge on confrontation, but I can tell this'll be an issue.

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[Discussion] Ways to reward yourself without food?
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 10:13:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620be9/ways_to_reward_yourself_without_food/
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I feel like society tends to celebrate and reward accomplishments with food. Got a promotion? I'll take you out to dinner! Got good grades this semester? Treat yourself with chocolate! What are some of the ways you guys reward yourself for accomplishments in your life that don't involve food?

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Three Cheers for UTIs!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 28 10:09:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/620afh/three_cheers_for_utis/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Partying while sober?
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 156 | -12 | GW: 120 | 20F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 09:12:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61zx7c/partying_while_sober/
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Hey guys, this isn't 100% ED related but I don't know who else to ask and I trust your opinions more than the rest of reddit ❤

I throw a lot of parties at my place and I love house parties, but alcohol has asstons of calories and I also have a few friends who don't drink (some have come to a few parties but not enjoyed them). I'm wondering if you guys have any ideas or experience with party activities that could help make sober partying -- with other ppl also drinking -- more fun and accessible. I have Cards Against Humanity which I think will work, but can't think of anything else.

Thanks in advance ❤❤❤ I love this community !!

** on mobile, can't flair

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[Rant/Rave] I ate a 800 cal burrito
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Tue Mar 28 08:54:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61zt9u/i_ate_a_800_cal_burrito/
---
There goes my whole day of calories 😁
I'll be drinking bia and diet Dr Pepper until I fall asleep. I wish I wasn't at work right now so I could mope in my pjs and sleep on the couch


Mobile no flair

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[Discussion] What vitamins do you take?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 84 / GW: 80]
Created: Tue Mar 28 08:34:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61zp5o/what_vitamins_do_you_take/
---
It just occured to me that I should probably be taking more than just a daily multivitamin, considering I'm definitely not getting enough nutrients food-wise...what do you take/reccomend?

Maybe a special note that I live in the UK and am agoraphobic so I get about...0% sun? I'm sure that affects things [eye roll @ myself]

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[Help] How long does water weight last?!
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 119.6 | 22.21 | -53.4 lbs | 29F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 08:13:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61zkwf/how_long_does_water_weight_last/
---
I hit a new low weight last week. And then on Sunday I ate like 2 pieces of pizza with some pretty intense toppings, and about 6 cinnamon bread sticks (I'm not proud). BUT, I calculated that shit, man. I was STILL UNDER my TDEE by over a 100 calorie margin and yet I woke up Monday 2 pounds heavier (jumped from 119.6 to 121.4). I thought it was just water weight, but when I woke up today, I was STILL at 120.8... What. The. Hell. Does water weight normally last this long? My binges don't normally include this many carbs so I have no idea if that's even what this is. Normally if I hold water it's for like half a day???? I'm freaking, guys. I spent MONTHS getting below 120 and now here I am back at basically 121. -cries a lot-

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[Rant/Rave] finally losing again and it's exhilarating
/u/ramargo [5'8" | huge | gelatinous brickhouse | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 07:26:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61zbi0/finally_losing_again_and_its_exhilarating/
---
I'm still binging and purging, but the binges are smaller and the purges are more frequent. I gained all of this weight back because my binges were too big to get it all out. Now I'm purging effectively and restricting on top of it again, and I've lost 5 pounds this week. I'm 4 pounds away from being under 200. I don't want to see a 2 in front of that number ever again. I can't do it.

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[Rant/Rave] An interesting morning
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 07:06:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61z7nc/an_interesting_morning/
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I was being a trash person this morning and grabbed a mtn dew before I went into work. Feeling like a gross slob I walked in, but my boss stopped me before I could get to my desk. She asked, "are you okay." And I was like, god, do I look that bad today. But I said, "yeah I'm just tired." And then she looks at me and goes, "just looks like you lost quiet a bit of weight... did you loose weight when you got the flu."

I have never been happier than right now lol, thanks for the motivation to keep restricting boss.

On mobile, rant/rave

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A March 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 28 06:13:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61yyjg/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_march_28_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 28, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 28 06:12:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61yyhp/daily_food_diary_march_28_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] Do any of you guys blog about daily life?
/u/fxckyouaurora [5'6"|131?|GW1:120]
Created: Tue Mar 28 05:28:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61yrcz/do_any_of_you_guys_blog_about_daily_life/
---
Just about life/weight/food/struggles. Whenever I try and look for more blogs to follow re EDs, they're always really serious, discussing mental health/body image/how to recover. I don't want to discuss recovery, I want to be able to relate to someone. So, if you don't mind sharing, or recommending anyone? Thanks! :)

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[Help] Coke zero?
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | CW:56.6 | GW: 54 | 20.8 | HW: 70 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 04:27:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61yj8w/coke_zero/
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I've started drinking a lot of coke zero as a food substitute/hunger pang alleviator. When I say a lot I mean between 100-250 mls a day. I've tried to research the effects and everything but nothing is really giving me a clear answer: basically, will I gain weight if I'm drinking so much of it?

I know that it technically is "zero calories" but do the chemicals and shit that they put in it contribute to weight gain?

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[Rant/Rave] it's 2:30 am and i just left my boyfriend's house
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 03:26:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ybrp/its_230_am_and_i_just_left_my_boyfriends_house/
---
and i'm c/sing in the parking lot of jack-in-the-box.

i hate myself.

mobile please flair as rant/rave.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so fucking sick of food being the only thing on my mind.
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 02:41:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61y6oy/im_so_fucking_sick_of_food_being_the_only_thing/
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It's just constant. The moment I get home from school I become completely unproductive because all I can think about is my intake and whether I'm too fat and whether I could try and recover before deciding it's pointless and then the cycle repeats. I have homework I need to do _right now_ and assignments due in 3 hours that I haven't even started. But I just can't. Instead I'm going over my intake for today, tomorrow, why I'm not losing, why I'm bloated, the list goes on.

It's pissing me off and stressing me out so much. I wish I'd hurry up and drop back to 45kg so I can finally! eat! 1200! and hopefully get some semblance of order back in my life but nOOO I'm stuck at 46 even though for the past two weeks my weekly average hasn't been over 1200?? I'm so ready for this to just fucking end and go away. Fucking binging's fucking everything up. I'm aiming to go the whole week binge-free though. I never used to binge and I'm just. I want everything to go back.

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[Rant/Rave] Found porn on my husband's​ phone, so I'm punishing him by not eating.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 28 02:37:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61y6bq/found_porn_on_my_husbands_phone_so_im_punishing/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So my mum came to visit for 10 days...
/u/sleepyrats [182cm | 69.8kg | 20.31 | -7.9kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 28 01:24:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61xxyi/so_my_mum_came_to_visit_for_10_days/
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...And I ate so much food. I'm terrified of getting on the scale and weighing myself. We drank so much alcohol every night and although I tried my best, I definitely ate more than I should have done. She kept insisting on going out to restaurants for dinner and being weird about food. She commented on how slim I was and talked the whole time about food. She also not-so-subtly asked how much I weigh.

On the weekends she spent the whole time kind of watching when I ate and then if we were at a restaurant she would order the same or try and order less. She also wouldn't be happy with whatever I had at home and kept suggesting stuff. I just couldn't stick to my usual diet with her around because it felt like she was watching me and following my choices. For breakfast she would try and skip eating for as long as possible - as if she was in competition with me (I was trying to mitigate the damage by hiding that I wasn't eating breakfast). Then for lunch she would cave and have something or insist we go to a restaurant. Then the same for dinner, or we would go out and get snacks. Then I was drinking every night to kind of deal with having her around.

I feel like it was just so insanely stressful having her around and I just fell apart under the weight of her presence, so I just ended up eating worse and worse as each day went by. It was so awkward having her here as well. She's recently divorced and just spent the whole time bitching about my dad. It was so unpleasant.

She left yesterday and I've been really good today but it's hard as fuck. I'm hungry all the time, more food obsessed than ever and feeling like absolute shit. I don't know when I should weigh myself because I'm bloated too. I'm trying to just rest on 1200 for today and maybe see if I can get back. I have really bad stomach acid reflux at the moment too - so even though I'm not hungry it feels like I need to eat. Sadness.

Just needed to vent this anger.

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[Thinspo] chill and not depressing thinspo music?
/u/luaquiet [5'4" | 132 | 22.7 | f]
Created: Mon Mar 27 23:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61xj4a/chill_and_not_depressing_thinspo_music/
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Kind of related to the "thinspiration issue" post, I'm looking for thinspo music that is not depressing. I've had my fair share of depressing anorexia playlists in my day, but right now I'm looking to make something more dreamy and summery. I've got "Perfect World" by Liz Phair, "Lolita Ya Ya" from the original Lolita soundtrack, and a ton of Cat Power. I don't want anything too energetic. Just dreaming of a soft, thin summer. It doesn't need to be explicitly about losing weight or being thin. Does anyone have any recommendations?

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[Rant/Rave] Rough times.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 23:24:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61xi6e/rough_times/
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[deleted]

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Xpost from gifrecipes: Cashew rice is vegetarian, fiber heavy, and low cal
/u/GrammarNaughtsy [5'3" | 102 | GW: 98 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 22:47:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61xcsn/xpost_from_gifrecipes_cashew_rice_is_vegetarian/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/GifRecipes/comments/61u9bu/nice_spice_rice/?st=J0T28VON&sh=b2da1cd4

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Xpost from Gifrecipes: Spiced rice and cashew stir fry- vegetarian and seems low-cal
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 22:46:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61xclf/xpost_from_gifrecipes_spiced_rice_and_cashew_stir/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/GifRecipes/comments/61u9bu/nice_spice_rice/?st=J0T264WZ&sh=269a1db9

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[Rant/Rave] Constantly at war with myself
/u/this_is_pie [164cm | 94lbs| BMI: 15.6 |-28 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 22:43:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61xc6m/constantly_at_war_with_myself/
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It is a battle in my head every second of every day "Should I eat? Should I not eat?" I can't take it anymore. I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to starve to death, but I force myself to eat so I don't pass out at school and get sent back to the hospital.

Today I was feeling really dizzy and I was super nervous of passing out and embarassing myself. I wasn't even hungry at all today but I still ate ~1300 cal to not pass out. Constantly unsure of what to do and unable to commit to either option: recover or die.


But I am also unsure if I actually have an ed or not. Some of what I tell my docs is true, some of it is blatant lie. Part of the reason I don't eat is to stay thin, but part of it is also because I have IBD and liver disease which already complicates my relationship with food. It hurts to eat, but it also hurts to not eat. Sometimes I don't eat because I fear the pain, but I also don't eat because I want to see how low the number on the scale can get. But I know I have to eat because I don't want to get stuck in the hospital. I am so confused about everything in my life. I hate yet love how sick I look. I'm all fucked up guys. I am counting down the days. Next month I am having surgery and all hell is going to break loose. I have lost 10lbs, and I am turning fucking yellow. One thing is for sure: I won't be leaving anytime soon once I enter and I am dreading it. My family will hate me and my doctors will lose trust in me. But that's ok because they hate me anyway. There is no way I can pretend I didn't notice losing 10lbs.



Sorry this was so rambly but I needed to get it out there. Probs will delete this post in a few days.

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[Help] Running out of a "safe food".
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 22:24:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61x9bo/running_out_of_a_safe_food/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] family has made reservations at a buffet for easter.... how will i get out of this? :(
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 133 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Mon Mar 27 22:22:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61x8xp/family_has_made_reservations_at_a_buffet_for/
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my mom told me this morning, and i made it very obvious that i wasn't looking forward to it. part of me is VERY angry that someone has the audacity to plan, without my permission, where i am eating on easter. i had to go to this buffet place last year and i was pretty mortified. it's all just gross families and fat people eating and eating and it's just one huge room with food that isn't even that good in the middle- tons of it. i barely ate of course and since i've had eating issues for 4 years at the time nobody really questioned it. PLEASE, can i have suggestions on ways to get out of it??? I know there's obvious ones like pretending I don't feel well and maybe a friend will be free that day but my ED is so isolating i don't really have friends lmao. i need a good excuse so i don't have to be there.
also im on mobile so i cant flair

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[Rant/Rave] The skinny worker at the frozen yogurt shop laughed at me today:(
/u/Princess_Scarlet
Created: Mon Mar 27 21:46:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61x37d/the_skinny_worker_at_the_frozen_yogurt_shop/
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I'm going through a crazy binge period right now and caved in today when my family went to the frozen yogurt shop. When we first got in there everything was ok but then I as I was filling up my cup I saw the worker there, she was super skinny and looked to be at least under 100 lbs. Then we made eye contact, she kept looking at me then my cup of fro then back at me all while she looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh. But it wasn't sincere, like she was actually trying to show me that she was holding back laughing in a malicious way. I instantly felt terrible at myself and avoided eye contact the rest of the time, now I'm home and I feel like binging even more but my family is weird with food. Not to mention my birthday is a month from today and I promised myself I would lose ten lbs by then, I feel so guilty:(

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[Rant/Rave] In one night, we got both a treadmill AND an elliptical in the house! [Rave]
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Mon Mar 27 21:30:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61x0kv/in_one_night_we_got_both_a_treadmill_and_an/
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[removed]

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[Goal] I broke 120!!! I'm officially in the teens exactly one day before my goal date lol
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Mon Mar 27 20:52:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61wtzj/i_broke_120_im_officially_in_the_teens_exactly/
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Yay me!

Edit: Also, lmfao because I went to recalculate my tdee and bmr and accidentally added a 1 in front of my age. Apparently people in their hundreds have a tdee of 800-900 calories and I about had a heart attack o.0

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[Help] Scale Issues
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 20:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61wr8f/scale_issues/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Are there coping skills beyond food?
/u/MeraxesPestis [5'2" | 198.2 lbs | 37.55 | 91.8 lbs | GQ]
Created: Mon Mar 27 20:07:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61wltl/are_there_coping_skills_beyond_food/
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TLDR: Don't bother reading, I'm just venting and lost.

I'm 5'2" and am 201 lbs with 89 lost in 8 months, so I probably don't need to like, "admit" that food is a huge coping skill for me, specifically the whole "fasting all day and then binging on junk food in bed because I'm such a mess" thing.

And like, I'm going through some shit right now? And there is no one I can talk to about it. No one. My one friend in this town is the ex-girlfriend who I moved up here to be with and then dumped me 6 months later and is now moving across country in a month and even when we were together, she was never available as emotional support, ever. And everyone else is a long way away, and I can't just call and talk about this shit because it's stuff they won't understand, and the only other person I can talk to about it is in prison and so I don't get to choose when we talk and anyway is the whole reason I'm going through some shit.

I stayed home from work today (which I'm low-key worried about because it's becoming a pattern because apparently I just try to hide from the world when things get rough) to try and just rest and get my mind right because some shit happened last night. And tangentially related, 3 years ago I quit doing heroin, and 2.5 years ago I stopped abusing benzos, and 2 years ago I stopped drinking and a year ago I stopped cutting and 6 months ago I stopped buying OTC sleep meds to use as an escape when things get rough so since all that food has been all I have, you know? And I legit don't think I have any coping skills left (because what are healthy things, right? Who does that? Honestly if I was emotionally healthy and knew how to deal with my life I wouldn't be doing this shit to myself anyway). So long-story-not-so-short shit is shit right now and I'm suicidal and I don't know how to deal with it without binging. Like I've been kind to myself in general lately and especially today, I take care of myself as much as possible, you know? And I am trying to fix the shit part of this, but that takes time and I need to be in counseling to deal with it and the domestic violence place gave me some recommendations for counselors but that was a week ago and literally none of them have called me back so in the moment, what the hell am I supposed to do?

I'm pretty sure what I'm going to do is drink a 20 oz soda and eat a full bag of potato chips, which is like 1600 calories. And even though that's my whole intake for today it's like 3x more than I want it to be. So I'm going to do that, which will feel eh, kinda helpful while I'm doing it, and then immediately after I'll hate myself for and feel like some gross hambeast monster who doesn't deserve to live, let alone eat, and probably cry myself to sleep.

And I hate this cycle. I hate it. I don't want to be doing this to myself over and over again because nothing seems to fill this hole inside me that normal healthy people probably fill with not being mentally ill/not dating abusive assholes who end up in prison. I just don't know how to get out of it. And this is probably the wrong place to post all of this but I can't exactly put it anywhere else without getting concern-trolled over the whole ED aspect of this giant mess that is my mental state right now and that is the exact opposite of what I need.

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[Rant/Rave] I've been binging for almost a month straight.
/u/wearebulletproof [5'4 | fat | 20F🎀✨]
Created: Mon Mar 27 19:54:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61wjg9/ive_been_binging_for_almost_a_month_straight/
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Which, I mean, I should've expected. I turned 21 last month (speaking of, I suppose I should update my flair sometime in the near future) and I knew I'd let the excitement of being able to legally buy alcohol get to my head. And that wouldn't have been an issue at all if I didn't eat everything in sight when I get drunk. Because I have zero self control.

I wanted to be skinny by this time of the year. My goal was to at least be 125 by the beginning of summer. When will I stop disappointing myself?

Sorry for the silly little rant, I guess, but I haven't been very active at all for quite some time and I missed everyone. I hope you're all doing better than I am, hahaha.

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[Help] Can't find a healthy balance between restricting and exercising
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 19:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61wgxp/cant_find_a_healthy_balance_between_restricting/
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For the last little while I was restricting to 500-800 calories a day and exercising a tonne. I walk 30 minutes to work, spend 9-10 horus on my feet in a gym every day, workout for 60-90 minutes during my break, and then walk home at night.

The weight was coming off but after a few weeks of this the fatigue was on another level. I kid you not - I fell asleep walking home one day. I felt like I was dying. So on Friday I forced myself to not workout, and to eat "normally". It was excruciating and I did end up purging but I ate way more than what I had been and I had SO much energy as a result. It was incredible, I felt like a human again.

Unfortunately that stupid pea-sized party gremlin in my brain that makes impulsive decisions and likes to fuck shit up took this little bit of freedom and ran with it, so I've been binging all weekend, purging constantly, and miserable. This is what happens if I don't workout, or if I stop restricting.

I need to find a balance between my need to restrict and my need to exercise. I lose my shit if I don't workout every day, but I can't do my job effectively when I'm a depleted zombie. But I also kind of want to jump into a pool of cheese graters and thrash around when I eat over like 700-800 calories a day so that's not so fun either.

Anyone have any advice on balancing restricting with exercise? I'm pretty damn miserable at the moment.

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[Rant/Rave] I have never been so happy to see the number on the scale stay the same
/u/TrappedInAWindow [5'3" | 121 | 21.4 | -16 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 19:35:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61wfp8/i_have_never_been_so_happy_to_see_the_number_on/
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I didn't have a scale all week when I was visiting my boyfriend in California. We hardly see each other so of course he had lined up a bunch of restaurants he wanted us to try, we had our belated valentine's day date, and I ate like a monster every night. I have a weakness for seafood, and it was just so fresh and good compared to the paltry fish I get in semi-rural Illinois. I really really tried to restrict during the day when he was at work in order to balance out all the eating out, but I was so sure that it wasn't enough and I swear I could see myself getting fatter in the mirror. My routine is to weigh myself and record my weight on a graph every single morning, and I just about had a panic attack every morning when I couldn't do my morning weighing ritual. I came back to Illinois last night, and I was absolutely dreading getting back on the scale this morning. And, miraculously I swear, I didn't gain a single pound the entire week I was there. The scale read the exact same number, 126.1, as the morning I left to get on the flight. I have never been so happy to have maintained in my entire life. It was like something clicked in my brain when I looked in the mirror again, all the weight I was convinced I had gained over the week suddenly vanished, and I looked just my normal amount of chubby again. I'm so happy all my progress wasn't ruined by a single week of enjoying myself!

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Gain it all back plus 20%?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 18:32:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61w43i/discussion_gain_it_all_back_plus_20/
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Has anyone else been told that people who try to lose weight just gain it back plus 20%? I am so terrified of this happening to me.

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Who wants to start a seven day fast with me starting tomorrow?
/u/giantturdvsdouchesan
Created: Mon Mar 27 18:03:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61vyc7/who_wants_to_start_a_seven_day_fast_with_me/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like a fraud when going through a "good" patch?
/u/Elope
Created: Mon Mar 27 18:02:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61vy8x/does_anyone_else_feel_like_a_fraud_when_going/
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I'm not diagnosed, so that doesn't help either. When I go through a phase of good restriction, and I'm losing weight but not starving, and actually able to deal fairly well with eating, I feel like I don't really have disordered eating. I feel like I'm just weak, or dramatic, or whatever. It's never *perfect*, mind you. The slightest thing going wrong will bring on the guilt, and no matter how good things are going I still can't imagine happiness without losing weight. But still.

Of course, it doesn't tend to last. Shit hits the fan again and I spiral, but I'm still, I dunno, embarrassed that I might just be faking it? I know I have lots of problems with food, but do I actually have an EATING DISORDER. Then I feel guilty about "wanting" to be more messed up, because it bothers me to see people who glamorise mental illness, and I don't want to be guilty of that.

I dunno, just something that's been on my mind since I entered another okayish period.

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[Discussion] Anyone prescribed Prozac currently/in the past comfortable sharing their experience?
/u/mckenziemudkip [5'2 | CW:106(-24) GW:88 | BMI 20.08| F/21]
Created: Mon Mar 27 17:57:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61vxac/anyone_prescribed_prozac_currentlyin_the_past/
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I was prescribed Prozac 3/23.

I haven't noticed much change in mood. But my appetite is definitely suppressed, when before, I was bingeing almost daily.

I'm unsure if this is placebo - since I'm so early into the prescription.

Can anyone tell me what their experience was like on this medication? Overall - like or dislike in regards to appetite/restricting?

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[Help] I need extremely tough love and motivation. Binging.
/u/AcapellaKova
Created: Mon Mar 27 17:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61vwjq/i_need_extremely_tough_love_and_motivation_binging/
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The numbers on the scale absolutely horrify me because I've biinged for like a week and I need to cut the crap and get back on it because I've gained so much weight it's unbelievable.

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[Help] Afraid that my bulimia is back, does anyone have opinions on medications?
/u/redinosaurs [64'| CW 135| GW 120|BMI 24| Weight Lost 0 | Gender F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 17:49:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61vvps/afraid_that_my_bulimia_is_back_does_anyone_have/
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I have been semi-lurking in this sub for a while and I love this community and just really need some help right now. I'm going through a really stressful time with college and my current living situation. I've binged and purged twice in the last week which is more than I've purged in over a year. I was bulimic for about three years in high school, and I'm 24 now so it has been a while. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning-for something unrelated, but I want to ask for medication.

 

I have been on prozac on the past and it helped with the urges to binge. I really do not want to start an antidepressant because I might have a job opportunity that will inquire as to current medications and psychological history (it's a long story). I would rather have something that I can take when I am anxious, like xanax or a generic benzo. Does anyone have any experiences they can share?

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[Rant/Rave] Super happy post for once!! (Rave)
/u/Fit4me123
Created: Mon Mar 27 15:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61v8me/super_happy_post_for_once_rave/
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(Rave?) idk what this is considered. But the last week I've been so on track. I had to move back in with family due to my landlord being a nut job, and I gained 10lbs. But!!!! I've lost it all, and we found a new place!! I haven't been happy in almost 2 months. Today was actually a pretty good day and we're moving in two weeks!! I just smoked a bowl, and I'm catching up on YouTube videos while I do squats. Anyone have any good shows I should watch on Netflix? (USA)

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[Thinspo] The girl in this kpop dance cover
/u/taeyeons-comrade [5'6" | 127 | 20.5 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 14:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61um8v/the_girl_in_this_kpop_dance_cover/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfVG_oiB10Y

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[Help] My BF knows about my ED and doesn't bring it up ever. Am I right to feel neglected? Or is his reaction normal and not an indication of being a "bad BF".
/u/1223715
Created: Mon Mar 27 13:12:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u94b/my_bf_knows_about_my_ed_and_doesnt_bring_it_up/
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When I initially told him a few months ago he told me I wasn't alone anymore, that he'd ask about it everyday, etc. It scared me but it was nice. I truly felt like I wouldn't be alone anymore. He asked a few times and then stopped.

I went to him after a while during a breakdown (I hadn't eaten in a few days and I lost a grip on my emotions and admitted that it was consuming me and I didn't know what to do). He held me and said all those same things again...that I wouldn't be alone and that he was sorry he hadn't asked more and that he would. I told him I didn't want him to play that role and he said he wanted to be that person for me because he loves me, etc.

Well a long time passed and he stopped asking again. I asked why (I asked him if he felt awkward or if he genuinely forget I had an ED or if he didn't want to bring it up unless I did, etc.). He said he just got caught up in life and wanted me to tell him if I needed to talk.

Well it's been weeks since he's said anything. I even signed up for a NEDA walk and told him how scary it was to sign up. He said, "I'm so proud of you and can't wait to do this with you" and that felt good, but again, didn't ask "by the way, how are you?"

Now my stupid ED is SCREAMING AT ME to lose weight for this NEDA walk to "look like I struggle" so I can validate my mental struggle (TRUST ME, I KNOW THAT'S A DISORDERED THOUGHT AND IM COMBATING IT!)

So I asked him today why he doesn't ask about it again and he said he'd been distracted with his own ailments (hurt back, colds, etc.) and that "nothing serious has happened". I said, "I'd rather just not talk about it anymore, it's too much. I kind of wish I didn't tell you, I'm sorry." He said, "No....I don't care, this needs to stay open between us." He ALWAYS says this though and never follows through. So I said, "I don't wanna hear that." and he said "fine."

I feel guilty now like I should apologize to HIM. But why? I don't want him to be my therapist, I don't put pressure on him at all. But we spend days together eating binge foods and skipping meals, etc. and he never ever ever asks how I'm doing.

I'm so confused and alone.

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[Rant/Rave] Cooking
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:58:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u5sx/cooking/
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I fucking love to cook and bake. When my depression is bad, those are the only activities I really enjoy. Of course the times my depression is really bad are also the times my ED is really bad, leading to the fun predicament of: how to cook all the food but not eat any of it.

Today I decided I couldn't fight both the urge to eat and the urge to cook, so I decided to just cook stuff. So far I have made:

* A loaf of whole wheat oatmeal sandwich bread (with dough for a second loaf in the fridge!)

* An entire casserole dish of spinach artichoke dip

* Whole wheat flatbread

* Homemade tortilla chips

I had coffee for breakfast and told myself that I could eat the food I was cooking once it was ready as long as I didn't eat anything until then. All the food is now ready and guess what ya girl is craving???? More coffee, of course.

So now I'm drinking more coffee while staring at the food. Hopefully SO is hungry when he gets home from work.

Idk what the point of this post was but let me know if a) you want to come over for dinner or b) you have suggestions for hobbies suitable for someone with the unbeatable combo of depression, anxiety, ADHD, and no money.

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[Rant/Rave] The "thinspiration" issue
/u/-Deadgirlwalking
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:46:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u33v/the_thinspiration_issue/
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Am I the only one that gets irritated that most thinspo blogs/videos are mostly black and white and have sad depressing shit written all over the pictures? Or all the videos on youtube that are super depressing and have sad music playing about depression? I am already a depressed, PTSD-ridden, multiple anxiety disordered mess. I just want some positive inspiration about the one thing in my life that gives me the sense of control! Anyone else feel this way, or have links that are inspirational and not totally fucking depressing?

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Shadow banned . . .
/u/PleaserWSkin [5'7" | 132lbs | BMI: 21.1 | WL: 21 | GW: 130 | M]
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:40:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u1lg/shadow_banned/
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[removed]

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For once, I actually kind of like how my legs look. I should appreciate the hell out of that.
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:38:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u1bd/for_once_i_actually_kind_of_like_how_my_legs_look/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/9a2d54b9c96a4c9cbd2420b26ecc3721?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=677d9cecfef1ed600299b9749c086e9a

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[Rant/Rave] Now I'm angry with myself because I didn't take measurements when I started to lose weight
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |51 kg | 19 | 7 kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:37:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u110/now_im_angry_with_myself_because_i_didnt_take/
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I've lost only about 1,5 kg(haven't yet updated my flair), but I notice a lot of changes that tell me I must be smaller. Just few weeks ago I thought of buying a new bra, because the ones I have were too small. Now they're too big. Jeans that were allright, like I could wear them without a belt, but they weren't tight either, are now really baggy.

And then I checked my SportsTracker, and I had put my weight there as 58 kgs, so I, once again, was way fatter than I thought I was before my relapse began.

Ugh. I'd just like to see *some* progress. From now on, I'll take my measurements every week.

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[Tip] Why CICO is letting us all down
/u/SaltedCaramelMacaron [5'9" | 179 | 26 | -7 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:36:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61u0tk/why_cico_is_letting_us_all_down/
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[removed]

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[Help] Anyone use appetite suppressants?
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-76 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 12:29:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61tzfi/anyone_use_appetite_suppressants/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] I am glad you guys liked my LW gif, so here's a few more shots!
/u/nerrdygrrl15 [5'5" | Out of Hospital | Unknown Weight]
Created: Mon Mar 27 11:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61toic/i_am_glad_you_guys_liked_my_lw_gif_so_heres_a_few/
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http://imgur.com/YjUMSZH.jpg

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[Discussion] Regarding Bronkaid
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 11:40:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61tnso/regarding_bronkaid/
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I see everyone here talking about it all the time.
What is this magical drug and where are ya'll buying it?

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[Discussion] Amphetamines?
/u/kipperonis [5'4.5" | CW: 108 | GW: 105 | 20M]
Created: Mon Mar 27 11:28:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61tl6c/amphetamines/
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[removed]

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Feet together, thighs . . . well . . . apart? Maybe I should start going to the gym on leg day.
/u/PleaserWSkin [5'7" | 132lbs | BMI: 21.1 | WL: 21 | GW: 130 | M]
Created: Mon Mar 27 11:14:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61thuz/feet_together_thighs_well_apart_maybe_i_should/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm on crack!!!!!
/u/prettyybabyyprincess
Created: Mon Mar 27 10:31:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61t7ml/i_feel_like_im_on_crack/
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ok y'all

I went back on EC stacks for the first time since I went back on stimulants for ADHD...

I *need* to take stimulants to focus on school, so I can't cut them out but I have built a tolerance and they don't suppress my appetite like they used to. So I caved and am going back on EC stacks.

So this morning I drank phytonutrients, took ADHD meds then EC stack. Had a diet coke and a black iced coffee from starbucks.

Well I fucking feel like I'm on speed. I'm shaking and racing and can't sit still so I cant even focus on school anyway.

Does anyone else feel this way and want to die and just feel so depersonalized like you don't even know who you are anymore and you kinda just wanna die???

I also didn't sleep last night so that is contributing.

should i take an ativan to calm the FUCK down or will that just make this crazy trippy trance even worsE???? help me

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[Help] favorite ways to get through a fasting day?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Mon Mar 27 10:15:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61t3sm/favorite_ways_to_get_through_a_fasting_day/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] eatthismuch
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Mon Mar 27 10:07:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61t22k/eatthismuch/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] Life Without Ed by Jenni Shaefer
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Mon Mar 27 09:55:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61szfr/life_without_ed_by_jenni_shaefer/
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[discussion] Has anyone read this book? My therapist recommended my mother to read it, and i want to make sure she's not reading something that will give her the wrong impression of me. I don't know if i should read it, if it would be helpful or just triggering.
(Background on me: been in recovery from bulimia for a few months, living with my family because i'm a senior in high school)

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[Rant/Rave] Encouraged to hit the gym = he thinks I'm a disgusting blob
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Mon Mar 27 09:54:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61sz6a/encouraged_to_hit_the_gym_he_thinks_im_a/
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I've been trying to frame this in my head for a couple of weeks now because I don't quite know how to explain what the issue is here. So please forgive the long (*long*) ramble.

So, my friend/crush is pretty active. He goes to the gym, swims, all sorts of stuff. Last month we were chatting and I mentioned I was omw to the gym. His response was "that's awesome! you have a great figure and it can only get better by taking care of it."

I think he meant to be encouraging and complimentary in one go. He loves working out, he knows I suffer from depression (he did too) and he's very vocal about how great exercise is for depression. He loves the way it makes him feel and he's happy with how his body looks now that he works out consistently. I think my brain knows that in context, it makes perfect sense for him to encourage me. And I think I would have taken the statement in a much less awful way if I didn't completely hate my body. Instead, I sort of internalized it as his indication that he finds me disgusting and if I can't shape up we're just not going to be able to move forward.

Let's get this out of the way: I just objectively do not have a great figure. I'm still overweight. My hips are too wide. My butt is flat and square. My shoulders are large and my boobs are flat and my stomach is huge droopy and soft and.. and... well. I just don't have a great figure.

We've slept together. He knows these things. So naturally this has been running nonstop in the back of my head all month long. I cannot taking it as a compliment or positive reinforcement, because how could that have been anything but a desperate attempt to appeal to my vanity in an effort to get me into the gym? How could anyone find me attractive at this size? He must be lying to me. He must think I'm disgusting.

It worked. I've been living in the gym this month and desperately trying to get my binging under control. I don't feel any less depressed, maybe because I am working out while berating myself the entire time.

I just hate how insecure I am. He's told me he's into me. He's told me he's always found me to be 'hot'. But that can't be right. He knew me before this crazy weight gain that I'm finally getting rid of. I just can't believe he could have found me sexy then and still find me sexy now. He must be paying me lip service. He hates my body just as much as I hate it. I want to believe him when he says the sweet things he says (like wanting to see me again, being excited for the next time we can be alone together, how pretty I am or how he wishes he were with me to fall asleep together), but in my chaotic brain I reframe it as him just being nice, maybe not wanting to offend me because we are friends and he doesn't know how to let me down gently... just everything except for actually meaning it. I hate being this insane.

**TL;DR: Crush is happy to hear me going to the gym. I turn that into his disgust for my body and now I want to drop dead. Thanks, ED.**

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[Help] Coming down from a 2 week binge
/u/backand_forth
Created: Mon Mar 27 09:50:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61syc6/coming_down_from_a_2_week_binge/
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I'm so mad. I was at my lowest weight in a really long time at 129, and then one day something just snapped in me. I started eating crappy and way too much every day. I stopped working out.

I feel disgusting and like my face is huge now. I'm going back to the gym today and getting rid of all the junk in my house.

How do you guys get over binge eating? I feel like I do so well when I'm at work or with friends, but the minute I'm alone, I go nuts.

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[Rant/Rave] when your ed becomes the most important thing in your life
/u/douchebaguette- [get me out of here]
Created: Mon Mar 27 09:43:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61swof/when_your_ed_becomes_the_most_important_thing_in/
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I had a fucked up weekend and I did some things I should be ashamed of. I think I've probably lost a good friend or two. All in all, not my proudest moment.

I'm finding it really hard to care though because I also managed to fast almost the entire weekend and I'm at a new low weight and I can see some new bones.

My life is falling apart but as long as I'm still losing idgaf.

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[Rant/Rave] Favorite denim shorts and disappointment
/u/krassota [5' 3" | 120 | 21.85 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 09:21:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61srvp/favorite_denim_shorts_and_disappointment/
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Last summer I got a tiny little pair of denim short shorts and wore them all summer. I lost a good bit of weight this winter, but gained a couple pounds back in the last month. This weekend was finally warm enough to wear them, and they couldn't button. I haven't felt this defeated in so long, I really didn't think I gained that much weight. But I guess wearing leggings are winter made me feel thinner than I was.
I worked so hard for a summer body and ruined it in one month. Then Saturday night proceeded to get blackout drunk and binge on a whole pizza, burger, and fries in front of all my friends. Not the summer aesthetic I was going for

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[Help] Scale issues?
/u/Myuuji [172 | 48.6 | 16.28 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 08:36:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61si91/scale_issues/
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So we all know that you want to hit the flattest surface possible for your scale, but apparently my floor is so uneven that I have no idea what to do. Should I trust the highest number or lowest? If I move my scale just 2 inches it says a kilogram difference, which is insane. I just have no idea what to do lol. Am I 48kg or 49? even 50? WHO KNOWS.

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[Discussion] Can someone explain scientifically why eating more makes me more hungry?
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 08:09:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61scie/can_someone_explain_scientifically_why_eating/
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When I'm eating less than 800 cals a day.. I'm totally fine and hunger really isn't a big issue. But on days like yesterday, where I ended up eating 1400 calories for my fiance's birthday.. I am STARVING the next day. I'm hungry and my stomach is making all kinds of noises already and it's only 10am.. and I usually don't eat until dinner. Is this some kind of insulin related thing? I hate how I have to deal with 1 or 2 days of super hunger after every higher calorie day I have. Sigh.

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[Help] Anniversary(HELP)
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 153 | 24.7| -32| F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 08:05:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61sbtq/anniversaryhelp/
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Today is my boyfriend and my's two year anniversary. As we all know, all celebrations are based on food so he wants to get froyo and dinner tonight. I see him right when i get out of school so i don't have time to go to the gym and work everything off. The lowest calorie option where we are hopefully going for dinner is 320 cal which could be worse. How do i make froyo as low calorie as possible though???? I haven't been restricting as heavily as I've wanted to and haven't seen a drop in THREE DAYS. I am legit one pound away from a healthy bmi and i want it more than anything!!!

Can't flair, on mobile.

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[Rant/Rave] I've only been awake an hour and I've already done something pathetic
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 146.4 | 24 | -83.6lbs! | 17f]
Created: Mon Mar 27 07:35:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61s5wl/ive_only_been_awake_an_hour_and_ive_already_done/
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I've been having *extreme* binge urges for the past 3 days, but haven't given in. Like 40 minutes ago I woke up and ate 2 of the chocolate chip cookies I'd made (but hadn't tried before this point lol #justedthings amirite) and 1/2 a granola bar. Then I walked outside and puked in a bush. Nice one, Grace! Way to go! This is healthy!

I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do. Part of me wants to just call this 500 calories and fast for the rest of the day, but the rest of me just wants to stuff my fat fucking face, because hey! I've already messed up! Might as well eat another 3000 calories, right guys? Ugh.

This doesn't really have a point to it but I'm freaking out a bit and hate myself a lot right now so I figured I'd go ahead and post lol

Oh and to make things even better, I hit a new LW today and my binge urges get SO INTENSE when I get to a goal. fml

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[Discussion] I'm paranoid my fat/carb blockers/binders aren't working because there are no side effects..
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Mar 27 07:27:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61s4jh/im_paranoid_my_fatcarb_blockersbinders_arent/
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Yeah.

I only take them before I wanna eat food with a lot of fat or carbs, and since I mostly eat high protein with only a little fat or carbs (I don't take them EVERY time I have fat/carbs, just when the food has higher than I usually allow myself), I don't take them that much. The pills are just extra help.

These arn't back alley internet deals, they're off the shelf, advertised a lot, and quite expensive. 'Clinically proven', many people rely on them and sing their praises. Obviously they don't help if you stuff your face, but they're supposed to prevent some of the cals from fats and carbs from being absorbed. '33% faster weight loss!' they claim. The science seems sound...

I havn't weighed myself. I have lost weight, I can tell that I've lost at least a little. But considering I restrict too, I would have done anyway... but I don't get ANY side effects when I take these. You'd think I'd have weird BMs or something when I take them? If fat/carbs are not being absorbed? But I do not, in the least. If anything, my BMs are way more normal the day after taking some than when I don't lol. When I just restrict, I'm either constipated or have weird diarrhoea. When I take these, the next day I go to the bathroom like a normal person - which is probably the higher intake/variation of macros or something.

Meh, whatever I guess. I'm not using them as a reason to eat more fat/carbs, I'm only using them before meals with fat/carbs that I'd give in and eat anyway - so even if they do nothing at all, my weight loss would be the same.. and if they do something, it should be faster. I'll keep taking them until I run out and then re-evaluate I guess. That's my only issue I suppose, that I don't know whether to waste my money on more..

Anyone else taking pills that claim to do similar things that they feel worked, despite having NO side effects from them?

(deleted last post because of title typo, I hate making those..)

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[Discussion] I'm paranoid my fat/carb blockers/binders are working because there are no side effects..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 07:25:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61s410/im_paranoid_my_fatcarb_blockersbinders_are/
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[deleted]

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 27 06:15:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61rs3p/weekly_stats_update_march_27_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for March 27, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 27, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 27 06:15:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61rs29/daily_food_diary_march_27_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] My sports teacher just called me fat, lazy and attention seeking.
/u/whatisthisshow2002
Created: Mon Mar 27 05:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61riro/my_sports_teacher_just_called_me_fat_lazy_and/
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I keep spraining my ankles and now it's the point where I can't walk without them feeling like death. I've been injured so I've been like nah mate I can't do sports. At student teacher interviews, he asked me what I do at home, whether I just sit around on my computer and eat all day (which I do, thanks for asking). Just, it was so forward that I started freaking out thinking that he could see how fat I was and how unfit I was and I was like "yeah, but I'm injured..." and then he just said I was an attention seeker and if I wanted to be at least decent looking that I'd have to stop eating so much junk and start exercising.

Fuck this shit. I'm gonna start running again. Fuck injuries. And fuck food. I'm gonna throw out all my binge foods as soon as possible. If he knows I'm fat, does the rest of the world? The scales say my BMI is 18 (obese, I know) but I'm getting there but I'm so disgusting disgusting disgusting and I don't deserve to be posting here yet I am.

Sorry.

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[Meme/Humor] Eating disorder comedy piece. Very reliable. Makes me think.
/u/Kimstephaniejane [5'5" | CW: 120 | GW: 106 | BMI: ? |F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 05:00:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61rgzk/eating_disorder_comedy_piece_very_reliable_makes/
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https://youtu.be/j4hIkchKjEs

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ED got me like...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 04:50:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61rfp6/ed_got_me_like/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] an alternative to losertown with pretty graphs
/u/waitupana [148cm | 14Male]
Created: Mon Mar 27 04:16:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61rbef/an_alternative_to_losertown_with_pretty_graphs/
---
https://www.supertracker.usda.gov/bwp/index.html

it shoves warnings in your face if you eat below 1000cal but for like 99% of the warnings you can still continue and see what happens if you resist binging :D (except the below 18 one but who doesnt lie on the internet, and i think the <17.5BMI one? but i havent checked that one)

if it doesn't work, you can always use the BMR formula to make a excel model, or just losertown as per usual.

just thought some of you might find it helpful, considering a lot of us use losertown as a sort of "oh look at this pretty thing that would have happened if i DIDNT GIVE INTO THAT STUPID LITTLE SLICE OF PIZZA IM IN 4 DIGITS NOW WHY AM ILIKE THIS" thingo

anyway bye

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Does anyone here have tattoos?
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 129.5 | BMI 20.28 | -15.5 | GW 110 | 21F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 03:41:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61r73i/discussion_does_anyone_here_have_tattoos/
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Might not seem like a super relevant post for here but I feel like you guys will relate:

I would like to get a tattoo. I like the way they look, and the tattoo I would get (a couple of crescent moons on my arm) has lots of meaning for me (represents my sexuality, represents a transitional period of time while I'm about to leave uni, represents femininity). The thing stopping me is just the way I look.

I don't feel like tattoos look good on larger people. I want to look dainty and cute and a bit edgy with it, not like someone who is trying too hard. And then what if I regret it? What if it looks stupid? What if people think it's a stupid tattoo? What if my parents react badly cos they don't like tattoos?

Idk, I feel like if I was at my UGW I wouldn't think twice but I've been pretty much at a plateau for two weeks now, I have the tattoo appointment in about 4 weeks time and I just want to cancel it but my SO wants me to push through this anxiety and just get it.

Anyone feel similar/have experience to share?

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[Rant/Rave] Living with someone who eats junk food all day...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 02:55:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61r1sg/living_with_someone_who_eats_junk_food_all_day/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] DAE get irrationally angry when your binge food tasted bad and wasn't even "worth it"?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 02:45:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61r0sl/dae_get_irrationally_angry_when_your_binge_food/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] rewards/punishments?
/u/feelingpeakyy [162cm/ 5'3 | 98lbs | 17.3 | GW 92 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 01:53:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61qv5w/rewardspunishments/
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How do you guys treat yourselves and punish yourselves? I've been struggling a bit at the moment because I've earned some rewards (yesterday I was allowed a Starbucks coffee to celebrate an amazing new job, and next week it will be my birthday so I'm allowed pizza) but after the rewards I feel so bad that I then punish myself for rewarding myself?!
My boyfriend pointed out that this seems kind of pointless...
How do you guys give yourselves non-food rewards? Or keep from feeling bad afterwards?
<3 <3 <3

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so fucking lonely
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Mon Mar 27 01:50:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61quvn/im_so_fucking_lonely/
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I hate how my ED made me so introverted. I've always loved meeting new people and going out but now I fucking dread it. Im so scared of what people will think and see about me.

I've pushed away all my friends and family just so I can focus on calories and my weight but it's all for nothing because I'm still fat and suffering. I see a bunch of people with great support systems because they're actually pretty and happy enough to have boyfriends/girlfriends and people who care about them and I know I'll never have that because anorexia is so fucking isolating.

It's 3 am and I'm literally just crying in bed over how alone I feel. Everyday I wonder why I had to develop an ED because it fucks up every part of your life. I'm just so frustrated :( and even if I had someone who i could trust and talk to, it's not like they'd even understand what I'm going through. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly be happy again and the answer always ends up being no.

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Muscle v Fat & Appearance
/u/BabyPinkAesthetic [5 ft 9 | 62.55KG | 18.97 | 0KG lost | Woman]
Created: Mon Mar 27 01:42:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61qtyt/muscle_v_fat_appearance/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] How do you deal with the munchies?
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-76 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 01:18:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61qr0y/how_do_you_deal_with_the_munchies/
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Hi!!! So i love smoking it's my #1 favorite thing but i get so hungry i binge and ruin my diet. I took a break from smoking and my appetite was non-existent. I was eating only 200-300 calories a day and i lost so much weight. Then i got a g of weed for free and I started smoking on Thursday and have not stopped eating since. I don't even want to know how much i weigh.

Weed makes me binge. HARD. I really don't want to give it up completely but if i can't stop binge eating when i smoke i will definitely have to let it go.

What do you guys do when you've got the munchies?

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Ugh
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 27 00:53:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61qnzw/ugh/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "You're so squeezable!" Please kill me.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 27 00:35:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61qlrg/youre_so_squeezable_please_kill_me/
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I was laying down and my 12 year old charge squeezed my stomach. I have asked her numerous times not to and she gets very upset and takes it personally.

"But you look so squeezable and squishy!"

She meant it in a ~fun~ way, but it makes me want to die. I don't want to be squeezable. Or squishy. Or anything of the like.

I'm still really bloated from being sick yesterday and it just made me feel like shit.

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[Discussion] Buzzfeed video about eating out when you have an ED -- thoughts?
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 156 | -12 | GW: 120 | 20F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 23:18:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61qc7j/buzzfeed_video_about_eating_out_when_you_have_an/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj-nHs1qTHM

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[Rant/Rave] A few things that happened this week and how they drove me crazy. (Rant/Rave)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 22:19:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61q3pi/a_few_things_that_happened_this_week_and_how_they/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] shredded lettuce
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 22:09:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61q28t/shredded_lettuce/
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i was looking for a post that talked about how a small bag of shredded lettuce was only 25 calories or something and that the person like flavored it with spices to make it a salty snack or a sweet snack. i was wondering if anyone could find that post and/or give me some ideas on how to flavor lettuce so it doesn't taste so boring!

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[Intro] Hello and Help
/u/boxcar-gypsy [5'1| CW 97 | BMI 18.33 | GW 90 | 21F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 22:07:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61q1vc/hello_and_help/
---
I've been lurking Reddit for years and never bothered to make an account. I found this sub a few months ago and I think it's time I introduce myself.

I'm a senior in college, two months away from graduation. I'm an audio engineer and a Dean's List student. Cats fucking rule. I'm a little bossy (total control freak), very honest (too much for my own good), and pretty loud about my feelings. Tattoos are my obsession, and weddings are my secret obsession.

My therapist says I'm really good at this disorder. I haven't been like this for long, but I've lost about 30 lbs since August. It started as counting calories and snuck up on me. I don't struggle with anorexia. I'm very comfortable living like this.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend found out I've been eating under 800 calories a day. At his request, I started seeing a therapist. Everything has happened so fast since then. The therapist asked me to get my weight and vitals checked. The lab screwed up my blood tests TWICE. The nurse violated HIPAA laws and called my mother when I refused to go to the ER. I was forced to tell her what's going on. The emergency room did another blood test and all my levels were normal. I'm using the therapy at college, and they said they can't see me anymore unless I go to a treatment center and get cleared for outpatient. I got an EKG and more blood and pee tests. All my labs are normal, but my doctor is threatening to put me in inpatient. If she does, I won't be able to graduate.

So, I'm eating 1000 cals for the next few weeks and hoping I don't get forced into treatment. Recovery is not even on the map right now. Everyone is treating me like I'm going to drop dead within the next few months. I'm not suicidal, I'm trying not to die from this, and I'm pretty sure I'm still okay physically. Am I wrong here??

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[Help] Anybody lost the ability to purge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 21:04:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61prtw/anybody_lost_the_ability_to_purge/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Not as bad as I thought
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 20:46:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61pov1/not_as_bad_as_i_thought/
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I apologize in advance for the book, and also the fact that I've been posting stupid stuff so often; but I'll admit that the support is lovely, and I appreciate even those who take the time to read.

Been on a nearly two month long binge. I was planning on not touching the scale for a while, and restricting enough that once I DID weigh myself, I'd be lighter than my previous low weight.

....However, I've found that I tend to get complacent/try to convince myself I look better than I do. I couldn't trust myself anymore, and can't stop fcking eating either, so I caved and weighed myself; maybe I'd scare myself into accountability, right?

It was bad. 146.4. I gained almost 10 god damn pounds back and here I was letting myself think I was still in the 130's. Stupid. But I weighed myself the next day after some lax and I was suddenly 142.2???? Four pounds overnight? I must've been dehydrated, plugged up or both but it was a fucking Godsend. I was ready to binge myself back into oblivion, but seeing the scale drop again reminded me how amazing restricting feels, and how much eating worthless crap isn't worth it. I grocery shopped today and got my good safe foods again. Didn't look twice at the cakes or donuts that I'd been so craving a few days ago. It still sucks ass that I've gained 6 pounds, but getting back to 137- feels a lot more doable; if I'm good this week, it could be gone by Monday. I'm starting to be in control of myself again and I'm one step closer to beauty. Today is my day.

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[Rant/Rave] Since when did eating a 500 calorie meal become panic-attack worthy?
/u/ashlynlollis
Created: Sun Mar 26 20:34:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61pmpo/since_when_did_eating_a_500_calorie_meal_become/
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Just recently, before meals, I get so anxious! It's ridiculous... Anyone else have this struggle? It's making my home life really scary, I don't want my housemates to realise anything is wrong.

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[Rant/Rave] rant... and a few questions
/u/ouchwtfomg [27f | 5'2 | 123lbs | 22.5 | gw 105]
Created: Sun Mar 26 19:55:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61pg4i/rant_and_a_few_questions/
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i usually just lurk this sub but feeling rather lonely at the moment so wanted to say hi. just feeling like i don't belong, that nobody likes me, that i'm always solo everywhere and it is exhausting. i moved away from home and am in a party scene that promotes self-expression and inclusiveness, but still feel isolated often. i show up to parties alone sometimes and i have friends there to meet up with, some of them ride solo as well but it irks me... i wonder if they feel how im feeling and really would love to just have a go-to best friend. there are a lot of wants at the moment. i want to be part of an art collective where i can go deeper into different art mediums, like painting, photography, djing... i want a solid group of friends that get ready together or get dinner on a random tuesday or get boozy brunch on a rainy sunday. but as much as i have always wanted these things, it seems like other people can have it effortlessly and i am forgotten and alone.

having a lot of boy issues as well and am struggling between cutting off ties with my neglectful 'boyfriend' and trying to believe him when he says he cares. he claims he cares but his actions reflect the opposite.

on the plus side, i lost 11 pounds in a week... i had an abortion 2 weeks ago though, so i think i also gained a bit as your body tends to store fat pretty early on. i stepped on a scale and was a good 10 pounds heavier than i ever was or thought i would ever be, and now im back at my highest weight pre-pregnancy. i have been restricting quite a bit and averaging about 700-800cals a day, but still at the peak of my ED i would never drop that much weight so quickly but really just hover around the same 103-108 mark.
-- has anybody had a similar experience?

anyway, sigh... happy i am losing weight but feeling lonely and confused.

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[Discussion] I feel sick when I don't eat and I feel sick when I do
/u/lileruneal
Created: Sun Mar 26 19:27:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61pb1h/i_feel_sick_when_i_dont_eat_and_i_feel_sick_when/
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I'm on mobile so I can't flair but if I could this would go under help.

I'm new to this thread (hi guys) but I am not new to disordered eating. I had my longest stretch of "healthy" for about the past 2 years where I gained 30 pounds. I finally had enough and started back with heavy restricting last week. I'm doing 500 calories with one 1000 calorie day. I eat 2 small meals a day and exercise wherever I can.

I feel sick in between the meals, lightheaded and nauseous and then when I eat I get stomach cramps and feel sick to my stomach like I'm gonna puke it all out. I also get chills but my body feels hot to the touch and it feels like when you get the flu.

I think maybe I'm eating too much at a time and should spread small snacks throughout the day? I started taking fiber supplements and a multivitamin to make up for my lack of nutrients (somewhat), maybe I am getting too much of that? Anybody have a similar experience? I'm panicking a bit because Ive never had this issue before when I restricted.

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[Rant/Rave] I need help so bad. (RANT)
/u/milky_silky [5'6" | 105lbs]
Created: Sun Mar 26 18:01:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ovmv/i_need_help_so_bad_rant/
---

My life is a nightmare. That is an understatement. It has never been so bad. All I do is binge and purge - yes, that is all I do, whenever and wherever I can. That also includes other people's houses, restaurants, college. I will spend all of my money on food. I eat 20,000 calories a day, sometimes more.

I'll wake up, have my first cycle in the morning if I have time; if there is any food left.

In college, I spend my change on the vending machine before lunch. Four chocolate bars munched down and left in the girls' bathroom immediately. Why do I do that? I feel nothing, there is no satisfaction. I just do. You'd think after four hours of class I'd want to have some free time and hang out with my friends, you would assume that, perhaps. No. Instead, I make the long trip to the store to get some cheap food. I eat it as fast as possible, hiding from any local college kids in the park and waltz back, just in time to throw it all up and go to class. Oh, and the worst of all, when you didn't have enough to drink, so your stomach can't move it up, and you're panicking, you scavenge your pocket for change but you haven't got enough to buy a bottle of water, class begins in five minutes, you run to a familiar face and ask for a drink, but they don't have anything, and you can't let those five cookies sit in you - NO, that can't happen, so you sacrifice your bus money to buy that bottle of water, you choke it up in the bathroom, it's still not enough, your face is red, your eyes are bloodshot, you leave the stall and the girls stare at you, but you smile, wash your hands, act natural and leave.

I have no idea how much food I consume. At home, it is a disaster. I will eat a week's worth of food in two hours. Do you know what caused me to write this post? I ate everything in the house today - and oh fucking god, do we have plenty. Two pizzas, two burgers, 5 chocolate bars, three servings of pasta.. a tub of ice cream. I'm probably missing out on half of the stuff I've had today - and this is every day. This is my life. I spend HOURS, TENS OF HOURS doing this. I need help so bad. What pushed me to write this, back to the point - a loaf of bread, butter.. sandwiches. An entire loaf of bread's worth of sandwiches. Four cups of hot chocolate. Set it on the table, put on Netflix. Just one more binge before I go to sleep. ...my mum came into the kitchen. The look she gave me, with fifteen sandwiches set on the table, me eating, four cups of hot chocolate just sitting there, and me, smiling, 'Hello mum,' OH GOD, I wish I could stop this.

I can't stop this. People think bulimia is eating normally and having a sneaky binge or two. Trying to shove your fingers down your throat, barely puking. I completely understand. That is bulimia. But what is it for me? I am a professional fucking bulimic. I manage to stay underweight on so much food. I drink over 15l of liquids a day. I puke - without using my fingers. I don't use anything. I bend forward and I mildly squeeze my muscles - it just comes out, effortlessly. I used to use a toothbrush, two years ago. I still use it when I need aid, every once in a while. It burns. You push it down your throat and throw up all over it. How glamourous. No need for that anymore. If only I could explain this. If only anyone could explain why my body does that - why, when I bow down to do my shoes, I gag. Why my body is used to throwing up; so casual.

This is my final straw. No one knows about this. I am the perfect sweet girl on the outside. My family sees the monster, the pyjama-wearing three a.m. foodmonger. The only thing that can help me is not eating anything at all. I am so good when I don't eat anything. I have time to study. I see my friends. I see my family. I prepare for my exams. I spend time with my boyfriend, without raiding his kitchen in secret. I no longer feel dirty. Oh god, I feel so dirty. I feel disgusting. No one can wash away the feeling. Except not eating. You feel pure.. clean. You feel happy.

The only cure that works for eating everything, is not eating anything at all.

My family knows. You know all those posts - how do I hide it from my family? Help, my mum is trying to feed me? I never had that problem. They tried. Ish. They failed. Now they don't care.

I just need support. I just need to know someone is there. Reading about others, knowing there's someone else out there; struggling. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. I don't know if I am ready to take the path to recovery. I just need support from you guys. Thanks for having me here.

---

Finally ready for CICO
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 17:48:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61otc5/finally_ready_for_cico/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [Help] Calorie bonus on app?
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 123lbs | 19.97 | GW110 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 17:30:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61oq0n/help_calorie_bonus_on_app/
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i use lose it and it gives me a calorie bonus for xx steps. should i still factor in those steps as exercise if they were from a hike? i walked about 7 miles and it gave me 142 calories burned from exercise. i feel like that's off though...? what do you guys do?

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[Rant/Rave] I fucking love bronkaid
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -43 | 31F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 17:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ol0e/i_fucking_love_bronkaid/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I hit my first goal weight yesterday and I'm surprisingly unhappy
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Sun Mar 26 16:24:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61odzk/i_hit_my_first_goal_weight_yesterday_and_im/
---
My entire life I've been overweight (or obese) so I'm just kind of shaking? I don't know. I didn't even realize that it was the first goal weight I had set for myself until today... I don't know what to do. I don't know why I feel so weird about it but I do... Another few pounds and I'll be in the teens BMI wise. I've never weighed this little in my life. I weigh ten pounds less than I did in sixth grade. I've officially lost 86 pounds and because I recently bought Bronkaid and my anxiety has been through the roof, I know I'm not going to gain weight. I have no urges to binge or ruin my progress for once.

This is such a strange post, but I'm just not happy? I don't know how I feel. I thought I would be excited to be this weight but I'm nervous. I was going to get my septum pierced when I hit this weight but it snuck up on me so much that I don't think I'll reward myself with anything. Maybe at my next goal weight? I was going to get my belly button pierced but maybe I should push that off for like... 15 more pounds.


All my posts are so flip-floppy. I hope I'm not annoying anyone :(

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinsp
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 16:14:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61oc6o/daily_thinsp/
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https://i.redd.it/uyy2njxxttny.jpg

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[Discussion] what's the most you've ever purged in one day?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 15:42:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61o5ye/whats_the_most_youve_ever_purged_in_one_day/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Weird things you're excited for when you reach your UGW
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You
Created: Sun Mar 26 15:19:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61o1ji/weird_things_youre_excited_for_when_you_reach/
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Is there anything weird that you can't wait to experience when you reach your UGW? I know most people can't wait until they're able to wear clothes they've always wanted to wear like booty shorts or bodycon dresses or they can't wait until they can prove certain people in their life wrong.

However, one thing I'm insanely excited about is the fact that I'll be able anime t-shirts without looking like a socially awkward, fat, and ugly otaku. I want to look like [this](http://d2a2wjuuf1c30f.cloudfront.net/product_photos/43283393/cute_20kawaii_20hentai_20ecchi_20sexy_20tongue_20t-shirt_original.jpg) or [this](http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/q0phbm-i.jpg) without looking like [this](http://kuzudeveloproom.sakura.ne.jp/img/img231_n.jpg)

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[Thinspo] Arms Goals Gif
/u/Echolaura [5'11"| 140.8| 19.14| -25| F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 15:18:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61o19o/arms_goals_gif/
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https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DistinctTornGonolek-mobile.mp4

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Fasting buddies?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 14:47:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61nuwz/fasting_buddies/
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[removed]

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[Goal] Even though I went to a buffet today, I didn't b/p
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 12:23:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61n1h8/even_though_i_went_to_a_buffet_today_i_didnt_bp/
---
So since it's mothers day I had to go to a buffet and it wasn't as bad as I thought.

I still feel guilty and anxiety for what I've eaten as I've pretty much had to guesstimate the calories(From what I guessed, I still have a deflect) from online websites and will work out loads and loads tonight but back to my normal heavy restricting tomorrow. The control I felt was amazing when people offered me food and I said no, I felt like I had control of myself when everyone was shoving down their plates of rice and shit covered with sauce. It felt even better saying not especially to dessert.


Whist this usually trigger a bigger binge/purge when I get home, I don't even feel like I need to eat. Happy with myself!

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[Discussion] Issues with injuries healing
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW101 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 12:21:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61n179/issues_with_injuries_healing/
---
I was wondering if anyone else has had this issue/has any advice.

I have a bunch of cuts on my legs that despite being over a month old haven't quite finished healing/fading away. Just a year ago those things would be gone by now. They aren't technically still cuts, they've completely closed over, but the purple rough line from the cuts remain and usually that would be gone by now. I believe this has something to do with me restricting as maybe my body doesn't have enough energy to properly fix itself? Anyway the reason I am worrying is because this week I'm getting a tattoo and I know those count kinda like cuts and I don't want it to take forever to heal. Also, I live in Florida so basically it is already beach season again and I want to be able to have the cuts on my legs completely gone by the time I put a bikini on (they are very obviously a result of SI so I don't need people asking me questions about them).

Has anyone dealt with healing issues before and perhaps has a solution? I would rather not bump up my calories just because I am so close to my GW, so I was hoping that maybe a change in what I'm eating would be sufficient. However if eating more is the only solution I can suffer through it til I heal.

To clarify, not asking medical advice, just what you guys have experienced that may be applicable to my situation. Thanks!

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I can't do this anymore
/u/HappinessIsClose [5'9.5 | 157.5 | 22.9 | -4.2 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 11:50:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61muwt/rant_i_cant_do_this_anymore/
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Not even going to use a throwaway.

It's so so hard, so exhausting, I feel like I can't take this anymore.
The worst part is that I don't want to get better. I know how to supposedly get better- how to stop the never ending binge-restrict cycle- up your calories, stop trying to lose. I know that.
But I don't WANT to. I hate myself the way I am. I hate being fat. My BMI is well within the healthy range but my mom still thinks I'm fat and scolds me when I eat "too much". And I hate the way I look. It just makes me want to make myself sick. I want to lose weight, and I want to do it fast.

I can't take this anymore, I really can't. Every time I feel like I've hit a new low, I prove myself wrong with an even lower low. I hate this struggle. I hate the way I look, the way I feel.

I'm sorry. I know you all have felt this way 1,000,000 times. I hate that we have to go through this. I hate it.

I just want to restrict. I want to lose weight. Is that even what I want anymore? I don't fucking know. I just want it to end, and I want to like myself.

Thanks for reading. I need to just stop.
:(

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[Rant/Rave] A minor rant about my dear friend and his well-intentioned comments
/u/canelafina [5'2.5'' | forever on the struggle bus | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 11:48:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61muet/a_minor_rant_about_my_dear_friend_and_his/
---
So I have this really good friend. Live far apart now but we still message each other regularly and meet up on our travels. He’s a final year med student and is unnervingly observant.

Any time I eat in front of him, he feels the need to comment on my eating habits. Some examples, complete with my own parenthetical internal remarks:

When I declined the proffered white baguette: “Are you avoiding carbohydrates? (As a fruit fiend, I’m definitely not) You know, low-carb and most other fad diets aren’t well-supported by scientific studies.”

Stopping for a quick bite to eat: “We’re not leaving till you finish that.” “At least finish the salad.”

While serving myself pasta: “That is a child-sized portion.” (I’m a small-sized person)

After conquering an epic 20+ mile trail run, which left my stomach a bit uneasy: “There are probably only 200 calories in that entire melon. That is not sufficient to refuel yourself after that run.” (Tmi, but I had a serious case of the “runner’s trots”)

At a restaurant while visiting him for a weekend: “Judging by how much you’ve eaten, I am going to assume that this was your favorite meal so far.”

While splitting the food for breakfast: “We’ll give the extra to Canela, so she can grow up into a strong little bull like me.” (What the hell, I’m in my mid twenties)

When I yielded defeat halfway through my (absolutely massive) burger: “Two more bites!” (What am I, a child?)

I’ve been in recovery for over a decade: aside from two short relapses, I’ve been at a healthy weight. I still feel a bit anxious eating in front of people and will probably never have a completely normal relationship around food, but at least I eat, dammit.

But whenever he makes these comments, I sure don’t feel like it. I know his intentions are good. He genuinely cares about me and thinks that “calling me out” or appealing to my scientific side will encourage me to eat more. But it has the opposite effect, making me even more self-conscious about what I’m eating—or not eating.

With each little barb, I notice my gaze drops down, suddenly fascinated by the woodgrain of the table, the imperfections on the linoleum floor. With each blow, I feel my head bow and my shoulders hunch, driven by an instinctive need to protect myself. With each jab, I find my own words catch in my throat, leaving me unable to defend myself. My stomach clenches. My cheeks burn. My muscles tense.

I want nothing more than to shrink into a corner. To hide from those piercing eyes.

Because each comment reminds me that I *need*, that others are aware of my needing. And in my warped little mind, to need is to be weak. And I must not be seen as weak.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant about body types (can't flair on mobile)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 11:06:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61mm57/rant_about_body_types_cant_flair_on_mobile/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Meal prep
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 10:56:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61mk53/meal_prep/
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Can't flair on mobile, but rant/rave

I told my mum I'd start meal prepping for the both of us, the only problem is I restrict to 800 per day and she's overweight (insert laugh-cry emoji).
My mum knows I restrict but not how much (I told her I'm eating healthy so she's not worried at the moment).
I'm currently freaking out because there's too much choice, but I'm trying to keep a level head.
I'm thinking of making something lentil based, and I'm planning writing down everything we have so genius can strike me

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[Rant/Rave] My friend called me chubby
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME
Created: Sun Mar 26 10:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61miyv/my_friend_called_me_chubby/
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In front of like 5 other people. I gained a lot of weight this year because I'm a fucking pig, and then said "no it's okay she knows" when someone said it was mean.

I had to eat my dinner in front of her later and I ate so fucking much and she didn't even finish hers I hate everything I'm so fat and disgusting

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[Discussion] Cause of stomach pain [Discussion]
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 180.2 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 10:36:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61mg9n/cause_of_stomach_pain_discussion/
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So this is the second Sunday in a row that I wake up with stomach pain. Last time, I thought it was fiber because I ate ~20g (I usually was around 10-12g a day) the day before. This time, I ate 28g of fiber yesterday, but I realized that I also ate 23g of it the day before (Friday) without issues.

I was wondering if there is anything that could cause it beyond fiber, because I'm starting to panic a bit and wonder if I should go to the hospital or else. For reference, the pain is not unbearable, but highly uncomfortable. I went to the bathroom twice with little to no relief. I take a multivitamin everyday, do IF, consume around 400-500 cal. a day, exercise most days and eat vegan. Both times, I ate nothing new to my stomach, didn't over or underate compared to usual. Any clues?? :-(

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[Help] Why the crap is my weight fluctuating this much?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Mar 26 10:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61mf46/why_the_crap_is_my_weight_fluctuating_this_much/
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For the last, maybe, week and a half, my weight has been all over the place. 110 one day, 106 the next, 108 the next, and it's just been all over that range with no real, consistent overall trend towards loss or gain. I've been tracking my calories, and the calories/day for the last 7 days have been as follows:

624

564

966

805

861

650

600

You can add 15-30 calories per day to those numbers to include multivitamins and supplements, because I don't include those. Even so, I'm theoretically at a deficit for my weight and height (or almost anyone's weight and height) so what the hell's the problem?

Did my metabolism died?

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[Help] I missed Stupid Questions Saturday!
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | 105lbs | 24F 🌼]
Created: Sun Mar 26 09:52:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61m7t1/i_missed_stupid_questions_saturday/
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So along with my lovely ED (shoutout to you, AN, you bitch), I also suffer from an anxiety disorder.

Recently I've been absolutely FIXATED on not getting enough micronutrients, and I'm convinced I'm just gonna fuckin' die. It's pretty awful.

So I've been tracking my micronutrients in MFP (just one of my three tracking apps - fun!) and I never EVER get all the micronutrients I supposedly need. I'm a bit paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack from lack of potassium. Sodium doesn't seem to be a problem...

Essentially, I am now taking an electrolyte supplement and drinking V8 (omg liquid calories plz murder me in my sleep), and I have always taken a combination of vitamins. I eat a fuck-ton of spinach, and the rest of my diet/calories comes from a protein shake every day (also one that's supplemented with vitamins) and vegetables.

While I'm able to recognise that my panic is often unwarranted, it doesn't stop me worrying.

Help me guys. Is there something else I should be doing? Or perhaps some kind words to reassure me I'm not just gonna drop dead? 😩😩😩

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[Discussion] What's your favorite 15-minute meal?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 09:20:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61m1wy/whats_your_favorite_15minute_meal/
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As in, what do you make that look normal and are really quick.
And what oils do you guys use (if you cook with them)?

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I can't listen to people talk about weight or food
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sun Mar 26 08:48:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61lw4p/rant_i_cant_listen_to_people_talk_about_weight_or/
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I'm sitting in the car with my dad and my sister and he's been telling her how skinny she is for the last 20 minutes. She has lost a lot of weight in the last year, and keeps talking about how much she ate this weekend and how long it's been since she worked out.

I really just can't handle this anymore. Earlier my other sister joked that she thinks this sister has an eating disorder and I snapped and told her it wasn't funny. Now my dad won't stop talking about how skinny she is.

None of them even noticed that I've lost 20 pounds since they last saw me in February and that I stayed under 900 calories all weekend. Maybe at my goal weight they still won't notice.

I've given up purging but I want nothing more right now than to get everything out of me even though I haven't rated since yesterday afternoon so it wouldn't even help.

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[Rant/Rave] The level of mental gymnastics actually made me feel sick
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'9.5" | 124 | 17.66 | -59 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Mar 26 08:33:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ltpd/the_level_of_mental_gymnastics_actually_made_me/
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I know that's an overreaction, but I think it was just from imagining myself in their place?

Anyway I was on the r/tall subreddit awhile ago, and happened across a BMI discussion. I should have known better, but the original comment was about how the original BMI scale is overly harsh on tall people so I was interested to see if they found the new BMI calculator or something like that.

Inside was just comment on comment of fatlogic, how all these tall people classified as overweight or obese are really just muscular or have a big frame... One comment was literally along the lines of "I was considering joining the military when I was obese, they said a 5'10" woman like me should weigh 150 but I would be a skeleton at that weight..." Honey I promise you nooooo. (She also 'calculated' that at 175, only 30 pounds of her weight would be fat, which is approaching the boundary of muscle that women can put on without using steroids... Uh huh sure)

How are people so incredibly ignorant of this stuff?? I have realized over the past few months that I've practically been destined to have eating issues since childhood, so I know I don't have a realistic view either, but... Are they really just in a self-protecting denial? Or do they really have body dysmorphia too? I know I'm being such an asshole right now but my mind is honestly baffled.

Sorry about this tangent, it's one of those mornings I guess haha

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[Rant/Rave] I bought a load of binge food. Why did I buy a load of binge food?!
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Sun Mar 26 08:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61lror/i_bought_a_load_of_binge_food_why_did_i_buy_a/
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Eurgh.

Okay, so I went out to buy ONE chocolate bar. I felt totally in control. I don't want to binge. I just wanted one chocolate bar to have last thing tonight. End of week treat.

I was standing looking at all the chocolates in the store, having already chosen what I was going to have.. AND JUST BOUGHT LOADS. Loadssss. SO MUCH FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUYS. About 2500kcals worth, maybe a bit over. I think I saw some bars on '2 for 1' and thought it was a good deal and before I knew it, all sorts were in my basket and I was at self checkout.

Obviously, I *could* binge on it all, but I don't want to. I didn't even want to when I bought it. I have NO idea why I did that, it was like I wasn't even thinking. I cancelled my SO coming over this weekend so I could restrict better as I'm on a good 'streak' and then I buy a load of binge food?! THAT I DONT EVEN WANT, AND HAVE NO URGE TO EVEN BINGE? I'm hungry af, but not to the point where I have bingey urges. If I did binge on it, I would have cancelled him for nothing, lmao.. Whyyyyyy

I will *want* to binge on it sooner or later though, if I make myself hungry and stressed enough - which I inevitably will. I can't have it in the house, really. But I also cannot bring myself to throw it - I know people say it's just as much of a waste inside your body as outside, it's just going to end up as fat or in the toilet anyway etc, but I'm poor as fuck and it's still money spent - and money spent on chocolate that I would allow myself once per week anyway, so it feels like such a waste. It would be fine in the house to ration it out, if I didn't get bingey feels...

**So**, here is the plan. I will choose whichever of the chocolate bars I want tonight before bed, and then box up the rest and wrap it in a bunch of packaging tape. LOADS. Of course it wont make it impossible to get into it, but it will make it hard and give me more time to think if I go trying to open it. Then, next week, when my SO comes back... he gets the box to look after for me, and I'll ask him to bring me something from it once a week! I'll tell him why he's getting it and why theres so much chocolate and why it's wrapped up - thankfully, he's very understanding of me being totally fucked up about food. Haaa.

(Other idea was to give it to my mother because it's Mothers Day here in the UK, but she let my tiny precious floofy indoor cat outside this morning, so she gets NOTHING)

**God give me strength to not wanna binge tonight tho... Fuuuu...**

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[Rant/Rave] Holy crap
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Sun Mar 26 07:14:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61lhsv/holy_crap/
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On mobile, please flair as rant/rave

Yesterday someone (who is super skinny, mind you) told me that my thighs are goals. She used those exact words. And she told me she loves my thigh gap because it's not too big and it's perfect.

It feels so good because the past week or so has been binging like crazy and this is motivation to get back on track. Thank you skinny lil sweetheart for getting me back there and making me proud of my body for once

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[Other] I put the scale away a few days ago
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Sun Mar 26 06:19:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61lav6/i_put_the_scale_away_a_few_days_ago/
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I kept it in the bathroom on the flattest surface. I actually had stopped weighing myself so often because of how cold our house must be kept at the moment. It really deterred me from my usual morning weigh ins. You know the drill. Pee, take off all your clothes, step on the scale.

I decided to just get it out of plain view. I stuffed it away in a cabinet where we keep the toilet paper. The reason? I've changed my diet, and i've started doing a strength routine & jogging again, and i'm determined to continue what i'm doing. I don't need numbers fucking me up, I feel really great about myself for once.

You all might know me for praising the keto diet, but after a year and a half on it, I started to really suffer. I became pretty terrified of carbs, even vegetable carbs. I never, ever had an ounce of energy and that's tough when your job is so physical. I did everything right, lost as much weight as I could, and shit was just not working for me anymore.

I went out to the grocery store, bought a bunch of fruit and vegetables, and said fuck it, I want my energy back, I want my life back. I still refuse to eat bread or rice or sugar. But allowing fruit back into my life has been a huge step for me. & guess what? I feel fucking great. I can work out, I can run, I can clean the house, I can take care of the plants. I don't track a single calorie or carb. I just eat, and work out. Drink lots of water. Make yourself a pretty looking plate of food. It's nice.

I feel so much better, guys. I'm working on being able to do regular ass push ups. I am trying so hard not to be a sad sack of bones anymore, and I just really wanted to share the positivity going on in my life right now with people who understand the struggle.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 26 06:12:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61l9v9/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
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Happy Sunday March 26, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 26, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 26 06:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61l9us/daily_food_diary_march_26_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling a bit like a fraud
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 05:59:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61l8bs/feeling_a_bit_like_a_fraud/
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I caved and bought a "fat burner" pill. I used to scoff at people on Facebook who would use stuff like this and those stupid "cleanses" and basically try anything except, you know, work out or eat responsibly. I would talk about how most are just caffeine anyway and how it's a placebo effect, etc. And I bought them. Fuck. I've turned into a person I don't like. And the worst thing is, they're working. My appetite is waaaaay down. Sorry for ranting. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Food poisoning the day before my weigh-in day.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 05:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61l2pk/food_poisoning_the_day_before_my_weighin_day/
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Dry-heaving and hours on the toilet. Can't even keep water down. Doesn't help that I fasted yesterday and have nothing in my stomach. Extreme nausea, hot and cold sweats, and my body aches like someone used me as a punching bag. I'm so sore that is hurts to lay down, but I'm too exhausted to get up. Dragging myself to the bathroom is too much already.

I'm so thirsty but can't keep water down. I have some cold coconut water that I've been taking small sips of every hour, but that's it. It's also Sunday, so everything is closed. I live on the 7th floor with no elevator, so even if I made it out I don't think I could get up the stairs.

And yet my mind keeps returning to the thought that my weight will be low tomorrow. So stupid.

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[Discussion] Girls of ProED, would you date a boy with an ED?
/u/YoungNeil69 [5'10"| 129 | ~18 | -15 | ♂ |🇩🇰 ]
Created: Sun Mar 26 04:37:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61kz5h/girls_of_proed_would_you_date_a_boy_with_an_ed/
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Or is there already enough crazy in your life? lol

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[Discussion] DAE not want to leave their house until they reach their GW?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 04:24:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61kxrq/dae_not_want_to_leave_their_house_until_they/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] How do I deal with OBSESSIVELY NOSY parents?
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Sun Mar 26 03:51:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61kugv/how_do_i_deal_with_obsessively_nosy_parents/
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So I'm a bulimic. I eat *A LOT*. I buy my own cheap food, a lot of it. But my parents seem to not like that.

They *don't let me eat*, and when they do, they control my portions heavily, watch me like hawks when I eat (literally staring at me instead at their own plates), make aggressive comments about me eating, they have stopped giving me money for anything but school and much much more.

So obviously they don't trust me. Which I actually kind of understand because I've lied to them a lot about my eating.

But this morning, my cat pried open my desk drawer, exposing three chocolate bars I've had in my desk. My dad saw it and demanded to know where did they come from. My mom jumped in too. I told them I sold a book I didn't need, and bought chocolates with that money. (In my country, no one really hires anyone younger than 20, and part time jobs don't exist)

They

freaked

**the FUCK**

out.

They don't believe me. They think I stole the chocolates.

And my mom said that if I really sold the book, she'll start locking up all of our possesions so I can't sell them too.

Guys.

I know it's extremely bad and petty to sell your possesions to buy food. I know. It's terrible, and disordered. Bad.

But I just can't deal with this anymore. I have no support from my parents. They claim to be *oh so supportive and caring and nice* but they're so (passive) aggressive that I can't deal anymore.

I'm ranting, I'm *fucking* ranting and boring and I NEED TO SHUT UP, but I'm so *tired*. I just.

Razor is my friend, at least.

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[Rant/Rave] My sisters weight gain - RAVE
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 119 | 17.90 | 31lbs]
Created: Sun Mar 26 03:42:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ktlz/my_sisters_weight_gain_rave/
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On mobile so I can't flair sorry, should be rant/rave.

Tw suicide (just in case)

This is super super mean but whatever. I've not been getting on well with my sister recently, I'm finally recovering from my severe depression and it's like she's trying to make me attempt again. She's being a complete bitch, she is struggling atm but that doesn't mean she can go back to her usual abusive ways - calling me a spotty freak, evil bitch, ugly cunt, psycho etc etc. In some ways it's useful because as soon as she says these things to me it makes me really dedicated to fasting. But i can't say I enjoy the hours of suicidal ideation it causes.

The thing that helps though, is that every time I see her, she's fatter and I'm thinner. As of this morning I'm back at my LW for my current height (I don't consider it my real LW as I was underweight for most my teen years, but was a late grower so didn't reach my current height till age 19/20). She however has regained all the weight she last lost in her diet, she is right at the top of a healthy bmi, maybe even overweight. I know she is jealous of my weight loss, I am considerably thinner than her now, and as horrible as it is, it makes me feel better. Maybe I really am an evil bitch lol.

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[Help] I feel so guilty eating even after fasting for 39 hours
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 03:02:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61kpxy/i_feel_so_guilty_eating_even_after_fasting_for_39/
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[removed]

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[Tip] If you like cereal, these cereal puffs are only 25 cals per serving!
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 26 02:51:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61kov1/if_you_like_cereal_these_cereal_puffs_are_only_25/
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http://imgur.com/T3MWQpo

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[Discussion] Has anyone else read The Food of Love by Amanda Prowse?
/u/ashlynlollis
Created: Sun Mar 26 02:46:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61kofz/has_anyone_else_read_the_food_of_love_by_amanda/
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http://www.barnesandnoble.com/mobile/w/the-food-of-love-amanda-prowse/1123880937?ean=9781503940048&st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Shopping+Books_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP62465

My mum and I were sitting on a bus, and I was bored and reading over her shoulder. I was instantly hooked from just reading a page or two, the accuracy of the main character's actions and her family's reactions was [phenomenal.](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/410G8rHsrHL._SY346_.jpg)An amazing read, I highly recommend it for anyone who is struggling with an ED, but be warned it is kinda triggering at parts.

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I'm at a wedding, I ate a slice and a half of cake ~1 hour ago and can't purge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 26 02:44:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ko9q/im_at_a_wedding_i_ate_a_slice_and_a_half_of_cake/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Trying to convince myself it's just bloat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 22:24:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jvcm/trying_to_convince_myself_its_just_bloat/
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[deleted]

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If i pose right i have skinny legs lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 21:55:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jr98/if_i_pose_right_i_have_skinny_legs_lol/
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https://i.redd.it/ujhjkppqdony.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE think of time as "x pounds ago" or otherwise immediately relate a time period to a certain weight?
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 21:32:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jo0v/dae_think_of_time_as_x_pounds_ago_or_otherwise/
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I was just realizing how much my friend thought it was weird of me to say "oh the last time I wore this was 20 lbs ago" instead of, idk, saying it was x months ago since I wore something.

I think of everything this way, and I hadn't realized it was odd until she said something. Am I weird?? lol

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[Discussion] DAE wish they had a drill sergeant to discipline you...?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 21:30:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jnp1/dae_wish_they_had_a_drill_sergeant_to_discipline/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I ran a Tough Mudder!
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW 143.2 | 20.4 | GW 130 | 20F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 21:19:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jm4b/i_ran_a_tough_mudder/
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Idk if this counts as a "rave" because I didn't really accomplish anything but I'm just happy and wanted to share. So I'm on a weird limbo where I don't know whether I want to "recover" or what that even means- lose more slowly? Eat at maintenance? Stop counting calories? But I feel like lately I've been getting better at not binging and not freaking out when I do slip up, so maybe that's a good step.


It's still a crapshoot, though, because it always is. Yesterday my friend asked if I wanted to run a Tough Mudder- 10 mile obstacle race with hills, water, climbing, and a lot of mud! I said yes because I like to do a big deficit on the weekends, and figured I might as well burn a ton of calories to make it even bigger.


You guys. It was *so fun*. Everyone is out helping each other get through the obstacles, and you feel so accomplished when you make it through the pit/over the wall/whatever. I didn't hate my body, even when I was dragging it up a huge hill. I felt strong. And I see a possible future where I keep to my calorie goal by eating more but working out a lot, and it makes me...excited. And happy.

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Interview.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Mar 25 21:03:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jjr8/interview/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sat Mar 25 20:59:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jj9g/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/zqqsiinw3ony.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I had dinner with my in-laws
/u/PBhatesme [5'4"| 144 | 24.7 | -52| F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 20:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ji0v/i_had_dinner_with_my_inlaws/
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So I've been gone for a bit. I was super active here last spring and part of summer, but in the 2nd half of summer and fall I tried to be a "healthy normal person." I kinda, maybe succeeded (and by succeeded I mean I gained, like, 15 pounds) in the second part of fall, but by winter I was back to being me and have been lurking ever since. Anyway...

So today we spent the day with my in-laws (and that's spans a whole post in and of itself, but it's a fuckton of fat logic) and we had dinner with them. Before dinner (I realize I'm being super vague here) we went to this place where we did nothing but walk up and down hills for 2 hours.

At 5:30 we had dinner (all of them were complaining about how they were starving and hadn't eaten that day-I WATCHED THEM ALL EAT MORE THAN ONCE WHILE WE WERE THERE!). There were 5 of us. Everyone (including my normal average sized husband and his obese mom and morbidly obese father and sister) had burgers except me (I had an antipasto salad...and it was made for about four people so I ate MAYBE 1/4 of it). I did, however, eat soup before hand (an amazing, beautiful, delicious creamy soup so I was super full before I even got my meal.

* "Is that all your eating?" MIL
* "Well now we know why she's skinny!" SIL (I'm not even remotely skinny)
* "Here have some onion rings!" MIL
* "Here have some fries!" SIL
* "Guys, I think she's full." Husband.

God bless husband.

TLDR: Hi. Guys. I guess I'm back. Sigh.

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[Rant/Rave] Thinspo/ED Trigger from a prom dress and I'm almost 30 years old LOL
/u/beargoesrawrr [5'7" | CW: 174 | 27.1 | HW: 220 | GW: 125 | 29F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 20:46:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jh43/thinspoed_trigger_from_a_prom_dress_and_im_almost/
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My boyfriend sent me a picture of his daughter in her junior prom dress and she looked so beautiful and grown up. My first reaction was the same: she looks gorgeous! Ah, to be 17 again. He must be so proud.

Then my disordered brain goes to: okay, so you're going to restrict tomorrow, right? You were supposed to this week! My boyfriend says she looks just like her mother, so her mother is probably thin like she is. Look at how gross you are! Ever since she met me by accident that once, she probably wonders why her dad is dating such a disgusting fat girl with multiple chins.

I'm almost laughing at how ridiculous and strange my triggers are getting.

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[Help] [question] Vanity Sizing
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 20:33:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jf9t/question_vanity_sizing/
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So I hang out in fatlogic a lot too. I notice a lot of the time, some of the posters are like humble bragging at how they fit into a size 2 or a 0 or a 00 because of "vanity sizing". And I'll look at their stats and they're all bigger than me! So why am I trying to squeeze into my size 3s and 5s while they're apparently wearing belts to hold up their baggy 00s 🙄😭

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[Goal] My ED is helping me get through alcohol cravings.
/u/_skellies
Created: Sat Mar 25 20:22:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61jdmp/my_ed_is_helping_me_get_through_alcohol_cravings/
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I've been an alcoholic for about 10 years and finally this past week, with the support of my boyfriend, finally decided to put myself through withdrawals (side note: those were super scary to go through. BF had to convince me to get alcohol to taper for my own safety.)

Anyway, I'm still tapering off but have cut down to basically a glass of wine a day which is a major improvement considering less than a week ago, I was drinking a liter of liqour nightly multiple shots throughout the day just to be functional.

The cravings have been really hard and it's been particularly bad today. So I decided that every time I want to go buy a bottle, I'd look up the caloric content of whatever I'm craving in that moment and it has helped a lot!

"One shot is 107? Fuck that, that's 1/4 of what I've eaten all day! 100 ml of chardonnay is 120?! That's almost as much as this whole bottle of Powerade!"

I'll be honest, it doesn't stop the cravings entirely because I still want a damn drink but does help. For once my ED is actually helping me save my own life.

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[Help] 40 pounds down, still not happy
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -43 | 31F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 19:53:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61j94k/40_pounds_down_still_not_happy/
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In January I saw a picture of myself and was disgusted. I haven't eaten more than 900 calories per day since (except a handful of b/p sessions).

I originally set out to lose 20 lbs, I hit it and changed the goal to 30. Hit 30 and changed the goal to 40. Now I hit 40 and I still see the same fat fuck looking back at me in the mirror. So my new goal is 50 pounds. Coworkers and family are starting to ask questions because it's pretty noticeable (and fast) but I just want to keep going.

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[Goal] Small progress!
/u/minikazhu
Created: Sat Mar 25 18:33:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61iw8o/small_progress/
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I'm on mobile so no flair, sorry!

My sister is such a good person and she always tries to make sure that I eat, even when I clearly don't deserve to. I've been trying to make up for my crazy binges the past week and I have fallen short but I stayed under my goal today.

She came home woth horrible greasy food and I knew she would so I ate something relatively low calorie in comparison (cereal with almond milk less than 300 calories). So when she asked if I was hungry I could truthfully say that I wasn't.

Next goal: lie and say I ate cereal when I didn't and still resist. :)

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[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking out right now.
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 18:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61isxp/im_freaking_out_right_now/
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I'm at the weight I wanted. But I cant enjoy life. I am having a panic attack right now at the idea of recovery. My legs feel like jello right now and my heart is racing. I want my life back but I am too scared to be ugly. I have no sex drive, I am angry often, and I am depressed. I've been an awful mom and girl friend. I can't think. I obsess over nothing but food and weight. It's all I can think of. I just want to be normal but I'm finally skinny again. I don't want to recover because I don't want to get fat. I'll have to exercise again. My muscles are completely atrophied. And I know my will just go to my stomach. I hate my body and my brain and this non-functioning adult I've become. I can't enjoy birthdays or sweets. I can't do anything with out binging or restricting. I can't live without laxatives near me. I just feel so sad and chaotic. And my boyfriend doesn't get it. He says it's easy. To just eat. That I can have "insert food here". No. It makes me want to fucking scream. This existence is fucking hell and I can't deal anymore.

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[Help] Hey y'all, Im the girl who talked to her doctor and now has an appointment with an ED specialist and is freaking out.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 17:38:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61immb/hey_yall_im_the_girl_who_talked_to_her_doctor_and/
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For anyone else who has been in this position what outcome did you receive? I've had undiagnosed BED for 4 years now and gained 10lbs per year and can't loose the weight on my own. I have tried so many different methods of eating to stop/reduce binging on my own and I honestly believe medication is the only thing that can help me at this point. I am anxious though if there's some sort of in patient treatment for BED as I absolutely cannot take time off grad school. It's probably just me being anxious but I told my doctor about it yesterday, first time I've ever acknowledged to a person I have this (other than an ex best friend who called me fat soon after) and I just jumped and told him about it and didn't think of the consequences. I'm so worried about getting pulled out of school. We have exams every other day, even if I miss a week I'm so far behind I would have to loose my week break every 3 months and I need that for my mental health.

Sorry for the rant, just freaking out over the possibilities.

Any advice?

(Cross posted to BED for most responses)
On mobile can't flair.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't deal with being at home anymore.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 16:40:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61icep/i_cant_deal_with_being_at_home_anymore/
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Not sure whether to flair this as help or rant.

I hate being at home. I live with my mum and siblings still and I have no control over the foods that are at home. I can request that my mum buys certain foods for me but I can't stop her from buying snacks and sweets for the kids, that's not fair on them. It's not their fault I'm an out of control pig when it comes to food. I just don't want to ever come home, it's like my front door is a mind changing device. I can spend all day being strong and not even having the desire for food, but the closer I get to being home, the more the 'well just a bit of food won't hurt' mindset starts creeping in and it always leads to a binge. I'm lying here feeling so full and so sick and I can feel my fat encasing me and being all squishy and gross all over me and I just feel so disgusted and angry at myself for doing this AGAIN. Every time is the last bloody time but those words are always a lie. I want to run away so I don't have to face this anymore, I can be so strong when I control which foods are available to me but it's a different story when there's food available in the kitchen. I asked my mum to hide all sweet foods, so not only did she tell me where she'd hidden them (and yes I've been stealing things from that place), she fucking leaves a gigantic box of cookies in the kitchen today and I stg I've had like 7 or 8.. This is not her fault at all but I asked her to help me and she didn't. I take full responsibility for eating what I do but why did she tell me she would try to make it easier for me then not follow through with her word? I just want to live on my own so that I can keep the cupboards empty, and consequently, my stomach too. But I can't yet, I'm still in school, I have just over a year to go. I really do want to run away. I hate being at home which makes me sad really cos my house and my family aren't so bad, it's just the fucking food. I hate food. I was doing so well today, I had <250kcal then went for a 2 and a half hour walk and when I got home I went to get a drink and there were the cookies from hell (or well, Costco but same thing right?). I managed to stay out during dinner time and avoid that then I go and fuck it up. What is wrong with me. My boyfriend has bought me a beautiful dress that would look amazing if I lost a bit of weight but as it stands, he's wasted his money on me. Fuck.

I'm sorry this has ended up being a long rambley mess, if you've read it all, thank you for listening and letting me vent. I'm just so frustrated. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or not or just looking to let out my thoughts to somewhere/one that isn't my poor boyfriend who puts up with my shit all the time, the saint. Also sorry for all the swearing.

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[Goal] Finally back under 130!
/u/kungpaola [5'2 | LW 109 | CW 128 (-22lbs) | HW 150 | GW 105 | 26f]
Created: Sat Mar 25 15:11:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61hvsu/finally_back_under_130/
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For the first time since gaining almost 40lbs due to medication and depression, I weigh under 130! I haven't had an appetite all week (I'm pretty sure it has to due with my iron being low again which always makes me lose my appetite). I missed this.

The only thing is not eating much has been messing with my anxiety, with the low blood sugar and so on.

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Oh my god :))) Embarrassing stories.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 15:07:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61hv45/oh_my_god_embarrassing_stories/
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[deleted]

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[Help] How to deal with urge to eat when not hungry at all?
/u/jadelalaere [5'6" | CW: 135.8 | 22.01]
Created: Sat Mar 25 13:54:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61hhc6/how_to_deal_with_urge_to_eat_when_not_hungry_at/
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[removed]

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[Help] Urgent purging question: Is this serious, or am I being paranoid?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 13:22:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61hb74/urgent_purging_question_is_this_serious_or_am_i/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Out of control purging
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 12:58:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61h6ih/out_of_control_purging/
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I'm exhausted.

I've fallen back in to the ED so hard. I love that I've lost weight and am losing more. I need to lose weight.

But I also am so tired of purging. It started up again this last summer after I had over eaten a huge meal. Then it became purging after I had eaten something "bad". It turned into restricting during the day and usually purging whatever I ate for dinner.

And now it's purging almost every time I eat at all. I can eat huge spinach salads. I'll allow myself to keep some low fat yogurt. Some cliff bars. But anything else? My body has to purge. It's like I wake up in the bathroom and don't even know how I got there. Several times a day.

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[Other] What celebrities ate to lose weight for a role - thoughts?
/u/SaltedCaramelMacaron [5'9" | 179 | 26 | -7 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 12:15:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61gy2o/what_celebrities_ate_to_lose_weight_for_a_role/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkFL2O-rbyc

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I saw him yesterday
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 11:20:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61gn73/i_saw_him_yesterday/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Shit my housemates want to go swimming
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Sat Mar 25 10:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ghwf/shit_my_housemates_want_to_go_swimming/
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Shit my housemates want to go swimming. I am not ready to do that. I am not ready to be half naked in public. I could probably handle strangers seeing me like that, but people I KNOW????? Who I have to SEE AGAIN????? Who have watched me and will continue to see me EAT??????? I hate this whole fucking thing. I hate my giant doughy body. I hate crying in locker rooms. I hate crying in fitting rooms trying to find a bathing suit that looks ok before realizing there's nothing wrong with any of the suits, it's ME that's wrong. I hate that I have to strip down in public because society is stupid. I hate being wet and vulnerable and my stupid friends living their stupid unconcerned life jaunting around like they're on a fucking sitcom without a care in the world because they were cast by actors and I fell out of some fucking TLC special.

How do you guys handle having to go swimming? Please tell me someone has tips.

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[Discussion] What are you favorite nutrient dense meals?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 09:32:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61g2l9/what_are_you_favorite_nutrient_dense_meals/
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What do you guys eat to stay healthy(ish)?

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[Rant/Rave] Exercise obsession even when sick in order to justify eating?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 07:38:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61fjy6/exercise_obsession_even_when_sick_in_order_to/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Self sabotage
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 101.6 | 30F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 07:30:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61fitl/self_sabotage/
---
Mobile? Rant?

I got offered a job after being wrongly fired in.. like Janruary. My partner and I each had a glass of red wine and I allowed myself half the dark expensive chelate bar he got us after my 250 cal salad. (Which is my daily intake- I am just starting to eat fruit and not counting it but usually an apple and maybe a banana).

Today after that I felt disgusting after we ate last night I declared I'd fast and I do that all the time so fine, dinner time rolls around and he brings out the leftover wine. I drink and I'm drunk and fall asleep right away.

Fast forward to right fucking now. I woke up, it's 12:30am, I go to the bathroom, I take 3 or four big spoonfuls of fruit mixed yogurt and cluster oat cearal and shake it into a bowl because im so fucking hungry my mouth and my stomach feel and taste like wine.

Im used to drinking. I gave up wine bc well. If I super slip I have to get extremely bombed on spirits.

ANYWAY I JUST FAT RANDOM ATE ALL THIS CERALeventhoughiknowitwaslikelessthanahalfbowlmaybea1/3rdstretchungI feel so fucking

Out of control
My body has taken over

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 25 06:07:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61f82z/stupid_questions_saturday_march_25_2017/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 25, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 25, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 25 06:07:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61f82e/daily_food_diary_march_25_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Help] The day after a binge, what do you do to recover/move forward?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 152 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 05:57:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61f6ui/the_day_after_a_binge_what_do_you_do_to/
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I never seem to know what is best to do after a binge day. Of course the natural inclination for people with disordered eating is to fast or heavily restrict to make up for it. Sometimes that works for me, bc seeing the scale drop the next day helps comfort me and move on.

On the other hand, sometimes fasting can just make you hungry and want to binge again, especially if you're appetite is increased due to the binge. But, whenever I try and eat at a "reasonably healthy" calorie intake aka 1200 I feel like I've eaten to much and think might as well binge (which is dumb I know I never said my brain make sense). The moment I see my calories go up to 1300 on MFP I'm like "well, I failed for the day. Might as well totally fail."

I was on such a path for the last few months, I lost a good amount of weight, people were commenting, and I was around 400-600 calories a day of healthy food and felt pure. Then one day I ate to 800 calories and felt like a failure, so I binged for the first time in a while. Which is ridiculous since 800 is still in a deficit, but in my mind I'd failed. Anyhow. The last two weeks have been a horrible attempt to get back to my old routine, but I keep finding myself binging when I think I've failed or my hunger/cravings are increased. It's embarrassing to admit, but I really want to believe I can over come this bc I know the binging isn't healthy.

anyway I kind was just venting there towards the end but any advice you have I would appreciate, and I hope y'all are having a great weekend <3

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[Rant/Rave] Why do I feel so awful?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Sat Mar 25 04:14:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ewqx/why_do_i_feel_so_awful/
---
I had a binge-purge on Domino's, and then I binged on a bunch of my safe snacks because it was all I had, so it was a pretty low cal binge which I didn't purge. This was hours ago it's now 6 am and I feel like literal shit. I just peed and it was so dark, clearly dehydrated, so I drank water.
When I drink a lot I usually wake up at 5/6am from restlessness and feel like shit, how I'm feeling rn is pretty similar to that.
I was going to go to get more food in the morning from Walmart at like 8:30, so soon-ish, but now I'm not so sure because I feel like I'll either throw up or faint in the Walmart....

---

FIRST OFF
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 25 03:19:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61erh0/first_off/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-76 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Mar 25 01:30:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61eh0l/i_was_doing_so_well/
---
I lost 13 pounds in 2 weeks, i was doing so amazing then i binged all day today. I didn't purge because i figured that wouldn't help the situation. I'm not even going to weigh, i'm just going to take some laxatives and hope for the best.

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[Tip] Any of y'all ever tried vegetable pasta replacements?
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Sat Mar 25 00:37:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ebdb/any_of_yall_ever_tried_vegetable_pasta/
---
E.G:
https://www.tesco.com/groceries/product/details/?id=287631810

They also come in butternut squash and carrot form (£1 each!), and oh my DAYS, people. 20 calories for 100g (aka 80kcl for a whole bag) and they are SO filling and delicious! I couldn't even finish a whole portion the other day. God = good.

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[Help] bulimia and teeth
/u/gin-and-lemon [🐝 5'1"| cw: 153lbs | ugw: 101 | bmi: 29 | -12lbs | f]
Created: Fri Mar 24 22:40:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61dwz2/bulimia_and_teeth/
---
SO!
roughly how long does purging take to affect your teeth? (on average? idk)

i purge maybe 2-7 times a week, depending on the week. i rinse with baking soda afterwards, for 1-3 minutes. my teeth have always been cavity prone, even before purging. like. uhm. will my dentist notice? i have an appointment this summer. and --- how long before they get bad? like. ed-ucating shanny bad? i just wasted $40 on stupid ubereats and -- like. this is half a rant i guess. idk. i puked it up the moment i finished my meal.

why am i like this???

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What are some of your fear foods?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 22:35:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61dwdt/what_are_some_of_your_fear_foods/
---
On mobile so no flair.

Just was curious as to what all foods that you tend to stay away from?
Mine would have to be bread and cheese

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[Discussion] [Discussion] What stereotypical ED thing did you do today?
/u/chaoticclare [5'1.5 | HW:155 | CW: ? | GW: 110]
Created: Fri Mar 24 22:27:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61dv5y/discussion_what_stereotypical_ed_thing_did_you_do/
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For example, today I walked around Whole Foods on my lunch break holding and smelling a tiny sample cup full of chocolate cake from the bakery. Eventually I set the cup down (uneaten) and left after purchasing cold pressed juice and some mango. I also spent a ridiculous amount of time weighing and prepping overnight oatmeal for tomorrow only to be dissatisfied with it and chucking it in the compost. I then started over with a yogurt parfait type thing only to pour hemp hearts (the last fucking ingredient) into the mason jar without remembering how many grams they were since I had poured them into a smaller cup first even though I literally had just seen this mystery number on my food scale. I freaked out and composted that too. Still don't know what I'll have for breakfast tomorrow. lol?

---

Feeling really sick after a binge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 20:47:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61dg15/feeling_really_sick_after_a_binge/
---
[deleted]

---

[Intro] First post...
/u/Catsorbras [5'2.3 | 97.2 lbs | 18.18 | ? | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 20:36:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61dea8/first_post/
---
So... I am Cat. Over the past few days, I have been eating loads of food. Even when I am full, even when I don't want food, even when I don't really like the food I am eating. I feel so disgusting, so out of control.

And I am making this post right now, because I am going to fast for the entire day tomorrow. And by putting myself out there, I will hopefully be able to do it. I will post an update, whether I succeed or not. It is not even about weight, it is about self control, about recognising what my body wants, about mind over matter.

I feel like a faker. I am probably one (I am sorry), but I want to say something, so here I am.

I hope everyone is doing okay. If not, here's a virtual hug for you. <3

Edit: Also, who is everyone's thinspo, if you have one? How did they become your thinspo?

---

[Rant/Rave] My dog died this morning
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Fri Mar 24 20:06:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d9dw/my_dog_died_this_morning/
---
I went to the fancy movie theater near me and watched a movie while eating filet mignon and biscuits and drinking prosecco. Bought myself a bottle of prosecco on the way home.

I feel like my dog was the only person who didn't care (or even notice) if I'm fat or thin. He didn't care if I ate or didn't eat. He'd finish the food off my plate if I didn't want to eat it. And he always was up for a walk.

I've had many dogs so I've been through this before, but I think this one is the worst. Not only was he such a special and happy little guy who thought that I am the greatest thing ever, I feel like I made the wrong choice and he still could be snuggling with me right now.

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[Help] [help] I'm off work in 30 minutes and I feel bingey
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 20:01:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d8jh/help_im_off_work_in_30_minutes_and_i_feel_bingey/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] [help] I'm off work in 30 minutes and I feel binge-y
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 20:00:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d88v/help_im_off_work_in_30_minutes_and_i_feel_bingey/
---
Somebody help stop me 😭

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The dinner my sister is making requires 1/2 cup of olive oil and she sees no issue with it
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Fri Mar 24 19:54:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d7em/the_dinner_my_sister_is_making_requires_12_cup_of/
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That's 8 tablespoons.

1 tablespoon of olive oil is 120 calories.

She's also gonna use an entire box of spaghetti, 8 servings at 200 calories for 56 grams.

The total of just those two ingredients alone is 2560 calories. For four people.

She said it was "light" because it was mainly pasta and lemon.

I told her I wouldn't be having any and she got upset but um... even one serving of that pasta dish would be twice what my current limit is. I'm really disappointed too because for some reason I had expected it to actually be a light dinner, she doesn't usually cook so I was excited :( I just can't risk it, I just got myself under control and I would rather stick to my plan than try her food.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Mar 24 19:46:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d5wk/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/ads4wnptlgny.jpg

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Currently having a temper tantrum over fucking groceries 😊🔫
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Fri Mar 24 19:45:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d5pm/currently_having_a_temper_tantrum_over_fucking/
---
And I don't know how to cover it up... I have ALOT going on right now so maybe I can spin it as a 'breaking' point... I just have no idea what explanation I can give to my sister as to why I just started crying at the checkout counter and left without buying any thing. I hate myself. I never want to eat again. I wasn't supposed to fast today, but I feel ill thinking about food at all. I'm so light headed and irratable. All I've had the past 3 days was one Apple yesterday morning. I don't even care about losing weight anymore.

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[Discussion] That thing called recovery
/u/recoveryflowerx
Created: Fri Mar 24 19:38:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61d4jz/that_thing_called_recovery/
---
Hello friends. Hope it's okay that I call you friends. Is it okay if I post my video here? There's just something about a community of great people that understand you and what you're going through completely. I'm not recovered and I still fall into bad habits ALL THE TIME but I'm working on it okayyyyyyyyy. If I'm annoying I'll take this down don't you worry but I wanted to make another post in here okay cool bye

[what I ate today in recovery ](https://youtu.be/7ViMvejQI2A)

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What to eat if I'm craving Doritos??
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Fri Mar 24 18:36:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ctm4/what_to_eat_if_im_craving_doritos/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ctm4/what_to_eat_if_im_craving_doritos/

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[Other] Since I am one of the "Brews"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 17:58:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61cmee/since_i_am_one_of_the_brews/
---
[deleted]

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Restricting makes me happy but i'm scared of loosing too much weight
/u/annabelmarie
Created: Fri Mar 24 17:42:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61cjdy/restricting_makes_me_happy_but_im_scared_of/
---
[removed]

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Questions about smoking
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 17:37:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61cim4/questions_about_smoking/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] When people mention how much I am eating
/u/this_is_pie [164cm | 94lbs| BMI: 15.6 |-28 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 16:18:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61c35j/when_people_mention_how_much_i_am_eating/
---
If I eat only a little (ed style) or I eat a normal/large amount people always seem surprised. Sometimes I just eat one big meal and it happens to be during lunch. Like yesterday I was at a competition and we were served a mexican buffet lunch. I was so damn hungry so I got a plate full of the black beans, lettuce, a little grilled chicken and a few tortilla chips. It was like 1pm and I worked so damn hard all day so I decided it was a treat yo self moment. It wasn't overly oily in case you are wondering. It was 'healthyish' for a cafeteria buffet. (cooking competition so the food was actually really good) And people around me were like omg that's a lot! Even though they had more caloric stuff and just as much on their plates! I was actually not thinking about my ed for just a minute there and then it came right back. I still ate it though, and felt super guilty after. But it was worth it because I got a lot of energy and was very focused on my studying for like 9 hours after.



Does this happen to anyone else?

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[Help] I'm visiting the USA, shopping help required!
/u/pussystrongerthangod [168cm | 52kg | 18.5 | vegan cow | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 15:58:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61byya/im_visiting_the_usa_shopping_help_required/
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Hi! I have unexpectedly, suddenly and very briefly found myself in the states. I'm visiting from England.

I want to make the most of this opportunity! So please, people of the USA what should I invest in that I can't get elsewhere?!

And people not of the USA, what should I buy now I'm here that I can't get back home?

Staples that only the states have.... I'm being vague but to get the ball rolling on what I mean, I'm considering things like laxatives, low cal candy, diet pills..?

Any and all ideas welcome :)

*Sorry mods I can't flair, I'm on mobile*

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[Other] A poem because sometimes I think I'm creative lol
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 89 | 16ish | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 15:45:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61bwbe/a_poem_because_sometimes_i_think_im_creative_lol/
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I am a broke down xylophone

Made up of skin and angry bone

And in between, where parts are tender

Is what results when feelings render

I eat my anger

I starve my sad

Every pound

A memory had

The sound the tender makes drones on

I only want to hear the bone

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[Tip] Loving yourself doesn't help you lose weight.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 15:44:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61bw26/loving_yourself_doesnt_help_you_lose_weight/
---
[removed]

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Thinner, thinner (a crappy poem)
/u/incognitointodrama
Created: Fri Mar 24 15:01:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61bn4d/thinner_thinner_a_crappy_poem/
---
On mobile, can't flair. And the spacing is a little weird (/ is to seperate lines) but I don't know, a couple of days ago the words just flew to me but there was another poem posted here then and I didn't want to spam.

"I dreamed /
Of hollow cheeks /
And glossy eyes /
Of tiny girls /
On glossy covers

I wished for /
Ethereal grace, /
Immortal beauty /
And with it, /
Immortality

I took a bite /
Of my soul /
And ate it /
As dinner /
So, I became /
Thinner /
And my hopes /
Weighed less

When /
My lips turned blue /
And my heart turned cold /
And my body became bones /
I stumbled /
Over old words /
And older dreams

To see /
That another /
Pair of my eyes /
Never saw /
Behind those glossy smiles /
Of tiny girls /
On glossy covers"

Now that I reread it, it sounds a bit cheesy. Never mind, I thought some of you enjoy it and it's not really something I can share elsewhere. (edit:typo)

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] A bit upbeat?
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 123lbs | 19.97 | GW110 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 13:56:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61b8xm/rant_a_bit_upbeat/
---
I don't know if posts like this are allowed since I'm new here, so apologies in advance! I am on my worst binge week EVER. I've gained like crazy, I feel horrible. But yesterday, for the first time in ages, someone referred to me as "the skinny blonde girl"!!! I was so giddy, I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. It even helped me get my act together and try to control my bingeing. Anyways, thats it!!

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I need someone else's permission to eat.
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 13:22:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61b18p/i_feel_like_i_need_someone_elses_permission_to_eat/
---
I don't know why I feel this way. But even when I'm hungry, I'll hold off on eating until someone asks if/what I have eaten. And I'm holding off right now. Kind of like I'm punishing myself. My boyfriend's mom posted pictures from when we went out to sushi last night. I look awful in every picture. I look fat. My face looks fat. I'm slouching, so my body looks fat.

And I want to binge. How ironic is that when I won't even give myself permission to eat? I used to ask my boyfriend if it was okay for me to eat, but a while ago he expressed his frustration about me falling into this cycle of restricting and trying to recover. So I don't want to bring it up anymore.

I wish I knew what made me happy. I wish I could be the person I was before I got all fucked up by this disorder. I wish food didn't blur into numbers. I wish I didn't get anxiety from making plans to go out for a night. This used to be a way for me to control myself. I'm afraid my eating disorder controls me now.

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[Rant/Rave] "Do you think you have an eating disorder?"
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 146.4 | 24 | -83.6lbs! | 17f]
Created: Fri Mar 24 13:07:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61axuc/do_you_think_you_have_an_eating_disorder/
---
My mom asked me this not 20 minutes ago. Yiiiikes. I just kinda awkwardly told her no, which I guess is the truth.

I don't think I have an eating disorder. Something's not right, I know that much- but I don't think I actually have an ED. I feel like such a fraud posting here (and I'm really sorry if I've offended anyone).

Anyways it looks like I'm fucked. She's been suspicious for a while, this isn't gonna end well.

Also I have absolutely no idea what to flair this as lol

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[Other] At the doctors for strep but I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk to him about my binge eating.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 13:06:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61axpw/at_the_doctors_for_strep_but_im_going_to_do_it_im/
---
Wish me luck so I don't chicken out.

Update 1: Doctor said there's a specialist here for all eating disorders and he'd get me in contact with her but he didn't write anything down and I'm worried hell forget and I won't bring it up again. I've been about to cry while they're running my strep test and I don't even know or understand why but I was fine before I mentioned BED.

Update 2: I have an appointment for Monday afternoon and made it all the way to my car before sobbing. The last time I told someone about my disordered eating it was my ex best friend abiut 6mo ago who turned it around on me and called me fat. I still can't believe I'm doing this.

On mobile can't flare.

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[Rant/Rave] Serious period cravings!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:58:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61avp7/serious_period_cravings/
---
Oh god! I need pancakes so bad!!! Why???? Fuck you pancakea!! Fuck you! I've tried waiting them out (been craving them hard since last night). I've tried a healthy substitute, oatmeal how you've failed me! I've eaten more protein than usual and finally took and extra bronkaid to deal with the craving, but I'm still just dying for a giant stack of pancakes and fucking real butter!!! I don't eat dairy anymore! Haven't in years! Nor do I eat white flour or processed sugar of any kind.. ever. WTF? I don't even eat maple syrup! What is going on? I feel like I'm dying.

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[Other] When you binge to cope with the anxiety of not knowing how many calories you just ate.
/u/spaceppigeon [5'6 | 123 | 19.9 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:58:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61avm7/when_you_binge_to_cope_with_the_anxiety_of_not/
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[removed]

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[Help] stupid question about digestion/ bp
/u/runnin-n-whey [5'4.5 | 116.8 | 19.92| -20 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:45:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ass9/stupid_question_about_digestion_bp/
---
Sorry if this isn't appropriate.

I ate about 1/2 lb of peanuts this morning yay

I was going to just cut my losses but I decided to purge ugh.

Anyway, I had a (probably stupid) question. I drank a ton of water and purged until it was foam/bile/clear and actually a bit of blood.

VERY STUPID

I learned my lesson, I hate purging and I hate that I did this. But my question is: it didn't look like 1/2 lb of peanuts that came up, is it possible that I didn't get it all out? I'm not upset about it anymore I'm kind of just curious.

TL;DR can you purge to the point of foam/bile/possibly blood but not have actually got the food out of your stomach?

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[Rant/Rave] I could use some support. :<
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:40:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61armd/i_could_use_some_support/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] In the worst b/p cycle of my life
/u/ramargo [5'8" | huge | gelatinous brickhouse | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61apf7/in_the_worst_bp_cycle_of_my_life/
---
I can't stop binging and purging and I feel like a disgusting failure. It has gone from multiple times a day to relapses every one-two weeks, but it's still devastating. I binge, then purge it up with burps, and it sometimes takes up to two hours to get it all out. It takes up so much of my time and energy, and when i'm not binging or purging, I'm still constantly thinking about it and fighting every urge in my brain to do it again and again. It's so fucking addicting. I'm destroying my body and my mental health, and the kicker is that I'm still fat. I went from restricting to this, and I've put on 40 pounds in the past 6 months, gaining back everything I lost through restriction. I just need to rant. I feel so lost and alone in this. I feel myself going back to restrictive mode, and I am steadily losing again, but I still keep fucking up with b/p. Fuck fuck fuck. :(

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[Help] What to do when you can't purge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:23:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61ao4u/what_to_do_when_you_cant_purge/
---
[removed]

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[Help] I need a new scale.
/u/frustratedwithfat [F | 5'7" | SW 160, CW 143, GW 123, UGW 113]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:18:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61amvj/i_need_a_new_scale/
---
I posted a few weeks back freaking out because my scale ran out of batteries. I feel pathetic saying this but that scale was kind of my friend. Well, I was too afraid to look at my weight for a while, but then I noticed another scale tucked into the corner of the bathroom at the group house I live in. So I gave it a try.

The number isn't actually the problem- in a rare instance of self-awareness, I am 100% sure the number is at least 10+ lbs too high. I have had this exact body size/shape before and know how much I weighed then. I have run my hands over my hips and stomach and looked in the mirror and at the scale long enough to, after an initial flash of panic, realize that obviously this dusty old scale is who knows how old and the number isn't right.

To check, I grabbed my two 5lbs dumbbells- the scale read 12.2lbs, so off by a little under 25%. Aaaaand then a new wave of panic. I have no working scale. Or maybe the dumbbells are too heavy?
How likely is that? What if the scale I had before wasn't accurate either? I found myself laughing at myself for the ridiculousness but at the same time thinking WHAT IF ALL THE SCALES ARE INACCURATE.

My old scale was cheap and 7 years old so I realize now it probably wasn't accurate either, if this one is newer and higher quality.

So **TL;DR,** I need a new scale- not a glass one, but yes a digital one, that is assuredly accurate. How do I know which one to get? Also, if you have funny scale stories or commiseration, share them with me!

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Primatene/Bronkaid/Ephedrine?
/u/BiCurious__George
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:09:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61al1w/primatenebronkaidephedrine/
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[removed]

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Theres cinnamon rolls and shrimp bowls...
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 159 | 22.8 | 51 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 12:01:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61aj3y/theres_cinnamon_rolls_and_shrimp_bowls/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] So frustrating....
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 10:52:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61a37l/rant_so_frustrating/
---
Every time I stop weighing myself daily, when I get back on the scale I've ballooned up to at least 110. I went away on holiday and didn't bring a scale, restricted while I was there and heavily restricted when I got back... but boom, there are those four pounds again. It makes me feel like everything is a lie and I've just been losing the same pounds of water weight over and over again, and that I'll never actually lose real weight or become thin. I was even excited to get on the scale this morning because I was feeling good about my body and thought I saw some physical changes but nope...I've just gained.
I'm so frustrated and exasperated I don't even know what to do. Hello, 48 hour fast.

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Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 24, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 10:39:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61a07t/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for March 10, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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Daily Food Diary (sorry, AutoMod problems)! March 24, 2017
/u/Noroeste [5'6 | can fit in a rowboat | 26F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 10:36:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/619zfa/daily_food_diary_sorry_automod_problems_march_24/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 24, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] Donating Blood/Rant
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 153 | 24.7| -32| F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 09:56:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/619qmq/donating_bloodrant/
---
On mobile but will flair later Rant/Rave I guess
Today I am donating blood for the first time at my school blood drive. I had breakfast so I wouldn't be hungry throughout the day but I still have three hours until my appointment and all I can think about are the granola bars I brought in case i was "famished" and so I wouldn't pass out when they take the blood (lol I think it was more me testing myself to see if I'm an absolute pig and would eat them.) I reached a new low weight today and I really wanted to eat at ~400 today so I don't fuck that up and I fucked up last Friday and retained water for AGES and I'm NOT doing that again. My boyfriend also wants to make bread tonight which I am going to have to eat or he will be a child about it.
Basically, I have to eat tonight and I cannot under any circumstances afford the calories of a granola bar but I'm nervous about passing out with the whole donating blood thing and I am hungry and irrational. AHHHH.

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[Rant/Rave] Boss says something idiotic *rant*
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5 | 114.4 | - 6.8 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 09:39:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/619n2x/boss_says_something_idiotic_rant/
---
We had a party at work today and I had a very thin sliver of bundt cake as to not draw attention to myself.

My boss wasn't there, so the team sends him an email photo of the cake. He replies:
"Sorry I can't make it, but I'm celebrating virtually!"

I reply "too bad you can't taste the cake virtually!"

He replies "you can have my piece and expand in your leggings :) "

I wish I could reply with:

"Wtf?

Asshole.

Go fuck yourself."

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Used to be skinny...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 07:48:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6190ah/used_to_be_skinny/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] It seems as though a lot of us suffer from alcohol problems
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Fri Mar 24 06:38:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618oa0/it_seems_as_though_a_lot_of_us_suffer_from/
---
I bitch a LOT about my alcohol issues on this sub, so it always catches my eye when somebody else mentions their struggles with it as well.

I used drinking a lot to avoid eating. Bad plan, always backfires. If I manage to avoid food by drinking, I always binge the next day to deal with the hangover. Not only that, but I was a binge drinker. I do everything that feels good to excess. Escaping felt nice, and I wanted to keep the feeling alive for as long as I could.

I want anyone stuck in this cycle to know that it's possible to stop. I began attempting sobriety after a trip home for my 27th birthday. I spent my entire week home drunk or hungover. Miserable, humiliated, eating like shit, I even had a sweet FACE bruise to show off at my birthday dinner. I started out doing 30 days sober. Drank again for maybe 2 weeks after those 30 days were up, and realized I needed to really fucking stop. 60 more days pass, life happens, I drink again. But my drinking slowed down a shit ton after stretches of sobriety. I am getting better at this. I stop again.

Consider giving quitting a try. You will function better, your body will be cleaner, and you don't have to feel like shit. r/stopdrinking helps, and believe it or not, people there have been receptive of my eating disorder struggles as well. You don't have to live in two prisons.

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is so clueless, it's kind of hilarious.
/u/monalisapieceofpizza [5'8" | CW: 130.8 | 19.9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 06:34:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618noo/my_boyfriend_is_so_clueless_its_kind_of_hilarious/
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So as an experiment, I decided not to lie about what I ate this week. He'd asked me how many calories a day I was managing, and I answered honestly: 400-600.

In short, he thinks that's a totally normal, sustainable diet. (I mean, I'm not close to starving or anything, obviously, but I wouldn't consider that type of restriction healthy eating.) He also seems to be under the impression that my TDEE is 900 calories for some reason. Boys are silly.

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[Discussion] How long before you "accept" a weigh-in?
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 129.5 | BMI 20.28 | -15.5 | GW 110 | 21F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 06:03:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618ilk/how_long_before_you_accept_a_weighin/
---
So I weighed in at 129.75 10 days ago, and every day since then I've been 131-132. This morning I was 127.75 (!!) which I checked with my scale in several places, resetting it to zero etc. It gave the same weight FIVE times.
How do people record big jumps like this? Because I'll probably be 130+ again tomorrow so how do I even know what my actual weight is?? Ugh

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriends mother told him behind my back I was heavier and asked it there was any risk I was pregnant...ugh...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 06:03:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618iiu/my_boyfriends_mother_told_him_behind_my_back_i/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Scale went down?
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW101 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 05:50:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618gh7/scale_went_down/
---
I don't own a scale. I really want to but I would have to buy it in person and not through amazon because I share an account with my parents and buying a scale would be suspicious.

So I only get to weigh myself when I visit my parents, go to the doctor, or work up the courage to use the scale in my university's wellness center (I'm worried they will think I'm vain for using it and you have to sign in. Plus I don't know if it is accurate or not :/).

Anyway, I'm visiting my parents and seeing a doctor while I'm in town, so yay two different scales. When I got here last night I hopped on the scale and weighed 106.5. That was after having eaten during the day (albeit not much). Anyway, once that happened I ended up consuming like ~1000 calories that night, putting me at 1700 total (500 over yesterday's allotted cal). Of course that meant this morning I just had to weigh myself to see how much damage I did.

Well I just fucking weighed myself and now I'm at 106lbs? Like how the actual fuck? And I haven't had a BM yet but I feel one happening (because coffee is amazing) so who knows if that will bring the scale even lower. Just so confused but I think this is a rave.

Side note: Anyone know of a good scale I could buy at a place like Target or Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Food or bathroom scale, I need both lol

Edit: TMI update sorry lol but I'm excited and have to share with someone. Had the best BM of my life and now I'm at 105.5lbs :D. Still logging my weight as 106.5, I always add a pound so when I jump on the scale next I don't freak to much if I'm holding onto water or food waste weight. But holy hell I haven't been this weight since elementary school!

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Having to make yourself eat in front of people
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 05:40:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618ewl/having_to_make_yourself_eat_in_front_of_people/
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[removed]

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[Goal] finally lower than 200 pounds
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 24 05:29:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618d5n/finally_lower_than_200_pounds/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [Update kinda] I didn't lie to my boyfriend
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 24 05:29:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/618d2u/update_kinda_i_didnt_lie_to_my_boyfriend/
---
This post: https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614j3n/fretting_about_possibly_lying_to_my_boyfriend/

I wanted to say thanks to the people that commented on the one before, plus I think some of this may be relevant to other people who are struggling with EDs in relationships so.. update it is!

I didn't lie to him about feeling ill. I took peoples advice and told him the truth about needing this weekend to myself. I didn't phrase it as - "I dont want you to come over because I want to avoid eating". I phrased it as "I'm really struggling at the moment, I feel horribly fat, food and the thought of eating is massively stressing me out, and I really need a break from it this weekend and to curl up and watch Supernatural for 2 days straight from under my duvet else I think I'm going to freak out".

As always, he was utterly understanding and supportive. He told me that's absolutely fine - if I change my mind at any point during the weekend, he'll come over to see me. He'll come over just to do chores for me if I don't feel up to it, too, even if I need to hide in my bedroom. Or, he wont come up at all and he's fine with that too. He reminded me about the times he's had to cancel our weekends together because his mental health hasn't been great, reminding me that he really does get it when you need a 'mental break' - even if not my specific problem with food, he gets it in general.

If I phrased it as 'I don't want you to come over because I want to avoid eating' he would probably panic and want to come to make sure I eat if I said that so bluntly, but I think phrasing it the way I did kind of highlights the fact that right now, 'making sure I eat' might do more harm than good on the mental side and I just need a couple of days WITHOUT that stress/guilt right now. We discussed my assessment appointment on April 3rd, he seemed to want to make sure I was still planning on taking it (I am) and following through with any resulting therapy they advise (I may do.. that's a bridge to cross when I come to it..)

I feel like such a dumbass - every time I worry about letting him in and telling him my feelings, I worry about how he will react. He has only EVER reacted in a supportive and understanding manner, even when its not exactly easy... so why do I still worry? I suppose that's the nature of this beast though... both anxiety, and eating disorders. You worry about how people will view you, especially when you love them so, and then the added inclination to secrecy on top.. add in guilt, and it's a recipe for emotional disaster, heh.

So.. I guess the point of this update post is to say.. Telling your loved ones how you feel might actually be a good idea. Who would have thought?! If they're worth it, perhaps it'll turn out better than you think.

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[Discussion] Anyone like looking at pictures of food and talking about it, but don't get around to eating it?
/u/Aeon_Mortuum
Created: Fri Mar 24 05:03:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6189r1/anyone_like_looking_at_pictures_of_food_and/
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I tend to save recipes and such, talk about eating, groceries, etc. to my mother, hover around the kitchen... I think it makes it appear as if I am actually eating and throws off most of the suspicion - except I don't get around to actually, you know, taking that food in.

Another thing: I noticed the groceries seem to be disappearing at more or less the same rate and there are only like, 3 of us in the house. If I'm not eating most of the time, it means the other 2 people are consuming a lot maybe? We are not in a great financial situation but I can't talk about it because

(1) It will come across as accusatory ("Look at all the food you're taking when it could last us longer and decrease the number of shopping trips!") and

(2) It will make it clear that I'm not eating the way I should be.

And I also feel guilty because if it's getting finished just as fast, I could at least be participating. But I get guilty about "missing out on food" very often in general and it's a topic on its own.


Just wanted to share that, I guess.

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[Help] Need Advice. been on a 3 month binge.
/u/2016crackbaby
Created: Fri Mar 24 02:51:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/617tp5/need_advice_been_on_a_3_month_binge/
---
i started college. thought i was ok. as soon as my anxiety hit i've been stuffing my emotions with so much binge food. i've ordered pizza 5/7 days this week. and eaten all. most of the time i binge it, but not thoroughly enough. i'm at 140 at 5'5. i'm a giant. if someone could could give me tips on what they did at their lowest point. and if there's ways to snap out of it and not use food as a crutch. or how to avoid it altogether.

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[Intro] My intro
/u/Butterfly-InTraining [5'5 | in the effing 150s | -12 so far (this time) | 25F]
Created: Fri Mar 24 00:26:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/617dfa/my_intro/
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Hi everyone, I've been lurking on this subreddit for the last 6 weeks(ish). Been finding it great for support and feeling less lonely. Even though sometimes I just want to be alone with this, that seems counterintuitive - guess you know what I mean ;) I have struggled with disordered eating for about 10 years, have never gone to get any professional help - I'd say I qualify for EDNOS most likely because I vacillate between behaviors.

I have a lot going on in my life currently, my Dad has terminal cancer and my brother is a violent and abusive drug addict. I live at home and I am a graduate student in the Sciences. I feel that I have lost control since this all began 2 years ago and I have become a whale - AGAIN. I f*****g hate it. I hate what I have become. I have eaten my feelings. Then fast. Then eat my feelings - net effect in the last 2 years has been a gain of 35-40 pounds. I dread to think what it would have been if I didn't heavily restrict between binging.

In the last 6 weeks I have regained more control every day and I'm feeling a lot better. I have managed to maintain a deficit of at least 1000cal per day and my anxiety is decreasing. I feel like I am taking steps to get back to where I came from. I literally am taking steps - I got myself a Fitbit which is my new toy and I love it. I've switched from tracking my cals on MyPlate by Livestrong and using the food log in Fitbit now.

My main issues at the moment are people interfering. I have to get out of a work dinner later to an Indian restaurant - there is no way in hell I'm going. Other people wanting to go out to eat crap all the time, in my work it's seems like it's someone's birthday every flipping day with cakes and more excuses to come up with. My boyfriend also is a source of giving me food to binge - it's one of his ways of showing he cares but this has attributed massively to my weight gain over the last 2 years, at the end of the day it was completely my fault though. I'm not seeing him today and tomorrow and not on Sunday until post-lunch though so I'm going to really heavily restrict until then and enjoy my moment of control here. I just have a meeting in work this morning and then can sit stupidly at my desk for the most of today - no mental pressure so I don't have to bother about being a bit absent minded during this restriction.

Just wanted to do an intro post. Anyway, happy Friday everyone.

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Preventing my binges
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 145.8| SW:190| 23f]
Created: Fri Mar 24 00:08:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/617b8r/preventing_my_binges/
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Soo every time I hit a new low weight, I get kind of panicky, almost like it really hits me that this is real, I'm (possibly) hurting myself, my actions have consequences, etc. So I had my boyfriend hide the scale where I wouldn't be able to find it until April 5th, and until then I'm scale-less. At first I was freaking out, but I know in the long run if I just don't see my low weights...I don't even know honestly I'm just desperate. Wish me luck that I don't pull my hair out until then.

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[Goal] [Goal] Last seven days of restriction. Next week, I'll keep to 300 or less...
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 23:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6177au/goal_last_seven_days_of_restriction_next_week_ill/
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http://imgur.com/a/wNy9O

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[Rant/Rave] What kind of person does this?
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 22:01:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/616vmk/what_kind_of_person_does_this/
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Who eats an entire jar of almond butter in a day? What kind of monster...?

If anyone needs me I'll be sitting here waiting for the breakouts and pretending I don't own a scale. Happy shark week. :'(

[Mobile, no flair, just ranting at my binge self]

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[Rant/Rave] Dae get butthurt over the fact spices have calories
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 20:17:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/616ecn/dae_get_butthurt_over_the_fact_spices_have/
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I mean it makes sense but spices are life and now I have to live the most bland life ): I am so sad. I am starting to hate life more and more
I've lost so many thing I could use and have that were "zero". Just sucks. Fucking sucks.

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Mar 23 19:32:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61665l/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/3yyznq0ie9ny.jpg

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 23 19:30:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6165pa/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/bcusngv3e9ny.jpg

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[Help] 3 day Fast?
/u/eldariya [6'4 | 136.2 | 15.5 | -130 | M]
Created: Thu Mar 23 19:27:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/61655l/3_day_fast/
---
Hey bitches, I'm back again lmao.
I haven't fasted in like 10 months or so but I was planning on doing a 3 day fast next week and I'm curious as to whether I will gain weight afterwards, like is it possible for me to not gain any weight afterwards? / How can I minimise weight gain

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[Humor] you might have an eating disorder if
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 18:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/615zw4/humor_you_might_have_an_eating_disorder_if/
---
[removed]

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[Other] I wasn't around long, but I have to say goodbye
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2" | 126ish? | GW Thigh gap | Recovering is hard | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 18:22:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/615sl3/i_wasnt_around_long_but_i_have_to_say_goodbye/
---
Let me start by saying how much I love this community and how comforting it has been on my worst days. I know a lot of you don't think you're beautiful, but please listen when I tell you that you're all absolutely perfect, even when you hate yourselves and even when you feel like something out of a nightmare.

The past couple weeks of trying to recover have been simultaneously the most wonderful and most difficult of my life, and unfortunately this subreddit contributed to the latter. I *need* to recover. I have to do this for future me, because I'm scared she'll hate herself, and I want her to be happy. I don't want food to rule her life or the lives of her children. I'm not yet sixteen, but all I want for this birthday is to be on the road to a healthy, normal relationship with food and maybe a shred of self-esteem. Goodness, I'm tearing up writing this. I'm constantly fighting over which I want more, to be skin-and-bones-thin or to be healthy, and it's so so so hard to be healthy when fasting and overexercising have become so easy, but I *need* to recover. Awhile ago I deleted MyFitnessPal, and now I'm going to leave this sub. Maybe next I'll eat a chocolate bar^^^probablynotlol. Who knows. This is my first time with an ED and my first time in recovery, so everything is new.

Anyway. I lurked on this sub for months before I made this account, so I probably haven't exactly been a memorable member of the community, but I'm making this post in the hopes that it will inspire one of you the tiniest bit. Or maybe just distract you from a bad mood or something. I dunno, it just wouldn't feel right to *not* post this.

In the meantime, I hope you all become exactly how you want to look, and I hope they invent zero-calorie junk food, and I hope people on the street stop you to tell you how gorgeous you are today, and I hope you believe them because you *are* gorgeous. I hope you wake up in a great mood tomorrow.

Love you all. Peace.

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[Rant/Rave] Reading 'Maskerade' by Terry Pratchett
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 143 | GW 88 | -21 | NB]
Created: Thu Mar 23 16:56:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/615b6k/reading_maskerade_by_terry_pratchett/
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and honestly I have very mixed feelings? I really wasn't expecting the book to be like this, but:

* a/the main character (agnes nitt) feels that there's a 'skinny woman inside her waiting to get out'
* agnes nitt's also described as wearing '[a] voluminous tent of a nightdress/gown'
* she's also written in a way where all she really has going for her is 'a good personality' and 'good hair' and her weight is a point of subtle/less subtle derision
* she uses the stage name perdita which is described as something along the lines of 'a name for a woman much lighter than she is' and something about the name implying extensive weight loss
* another character (christine)'s breakfast is like a stick of celery, a spoonful of milk, and some other thing
* the ballet dancers are described as 'giggling and sharing a stick of celery' for a meal
* the dancers are also described offhand as being 'crazed by hunger'

and overall it's just. a lot of weirdly ED stuff that's mildly triggering?? or at least it's making me really uneasy and while i am going to finish the book idk if i can read it again because like...there's things in there that make me feel disgusting for eating and it just pops up out of nowhere!! and it's clearly meant to poke fun at the ED/body image stuff that's rampant in the performing arts world and oh my god i don't even know why i'm posting this i just. needed to get it out there i'm sorry. i don't think i half would have minded if it wasn't from a clearly neurotypical/non-ED point of view like wow!!! thanks!!! for reducing my disordered thoughts into comedy

tl;dr: if you're working through the discworld series and have a hairline trigger you might want to avoid this one

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[Rant/Rave] Hell is purging pizza
/u/ramargo [5'8" | huge | gelatinous brickhouse | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 16:22:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6154dm/hell_is_purging_pizza/
---
Trying to purge the pizza I wolfed down, barely even chewing or tasting it. Huge, doughy chunks that make me feel like I'm suffocating as they slowly make their way up. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. :(

---

[Help] I ate so much I can't even purge?
/u/Myuuji [172 | 48.6 | 16.28 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 16:10:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6151l7/i_ate_so_much_i_cant_even_purge/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Artistic, low profile thinspo
/u/Sheffieldj [5'4'' | 128 lbs | 22.40 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 15:36:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614uam/artistic_low_profile_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/29osyfcd88ny.jpg

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[Thinspo] Once upon a time before treatment, I was a little fairy... <3
/u/nerrdygrrl15 [5'5" | Out of Hospital | Unknown Weight]
Created: Thu Mar 23 14:52:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614kru/once_upon_a_time_before_treatment_i_was_a_little/
---
http://imgur.com/JDmWJEF.gif

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[Rant/Rave] Fretting about possibly lying to my boyfriend
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Thu Mar 23 14:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614j3n/fretting_about_possibly_lying_to_my_boyfriend/
---
Eurgh. So am planning to lie to my boyfriend to stop him from staying over this weekend, say I've taken really ill and contagious or something... no other reason than to be able to restrict and/or fast. It's hard to restrict when he's around. It's not that he ever pressures me to eat too much, or watches my intake, but obviously he prefers me to eat around him and when he's around I can't resist anyway.. plus restricting makes me REALLY irritable towards other people face-to-face, and I don't like being like that with him.

But I don't like lying to him either. I'll miss him terribly if I don't see him this weekend, and he's already said he's *really* looking forward to seeing me... I feel so guilty just for planning to lie.

Despite how much I will miss him, and how I am in two minds about it, I *really, really* need this weekend. I need a break from the guilt of eating that I get every weekend. Just one weekend without it, so I can relax. I'm on a fair 'streak' right now with restricting and I don't want the weekend to ruin it.. I don't want to sit there Sunday night in tears after he's gone home because I've eaten loads, and eaten even more since I tend to comfort eat a little - if not binge, that got to be a habit - when he's gone (It's always extra sad saying bye to him for another 5 days, until the next weekend). I want this weekend alone so I can carry on feeling numb, perhaps missing him but with restricting to focus on, and carry on restricting and be pleased about progress.

I desperately need it but I feel so guilty for planning to lie, especially since he's said a couple of times this week that he really is looking forward to seeing me. It's obviously not an option to tell him the truth for not wanting him over - "Because you make it hard to starve myself and I want to starve myself!" lol imagine that. To lie to him would be to choose the disordered eating/eating disorder over him.. and I love him so much, I really do, so that's a terrible thing.

Perhaps I shouldn't be worrying about this as much. It's only one weekend. I'm messed up. He's cancelled weekends on me before because he's felt messed up with depressive episodes and didn't have the strength to pick himself up to see me.. it's hurt me but ultimately I've always understood and felt for him - this is no different, really? It's just a white lie, as to not drag him into me being so messed up right now or make him feel uncomfortable in any way.. I'm not lying to be malicious. I'd never want to be malicious towards him.

I wouldn't mind advice on how to feel less guilty if anyone has any. I am pretty sure I will end up asking him not to come and making something up about it. I just don't want to feel this damn guilty.

---

[Help] Anyone experienced with intermittant fasting?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 23 14:37:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614h9e/anyone_experienced_with_intermittant_fasting/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] Zucchini alfredo for 100 calories.
/u/grim-limb
Created: Thu Mar 23 14:34:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614gi8/zucchini_alfredo_for_100_calories/
---
https://i.redd.it/46dpt943x7ny.jpg

---

today i made a resolution. im getting back to starving myself. i used to weigh 127 a year ago, now im 138 and feel like a fat cow. i binged so much on mcdonald this year i cant even. GW 125 wish me luck 💕
/u/alexandremich18
Created: Thu Mar 23 14:33:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614ga3/today_i_made_a_resolution_im_getting_back_to/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I think I finally stepped off the edge
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:115 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 14:27:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/614eyk/i_think_i_finally_stepped_off_the_edge/
---
I have had an issue with food since I was 13 or so. Always eating then being upset I ate. Body dysmorphia is a huge issue for me and only recently have i been actually taking steps to stop eating and make myself feel more in control of my life. However, even though I would restrict and fast and think i look way larger than I actually am, I kind of never really despaired if I binged. Yeah it sucked but I kind of just let it was over me because I'm pretty tall so I can weigh more and still look thin. Today after my shower I walked down stairs in my legging and bra looking for my sweatshirt and just looking at my body fat move while going down the stairs made me burst into tears. I just hate looking at myself and just hate being myself. Today was the day where I finally stepped off the edge and have fully committed to my messed up view of my body and my restricting tendencies. I cannot believe it has reached this point but I am also kind of relieved that my brain has finally just accepted this way of thinking. Idk if this really makes any sense but sometimes you just got to get it out of you and this is the only place I can think of.

---

[Discussion] Fasting question??
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 13:47:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6145sk/fasting_question/
---
I just ended a 15 hour fast (which probably doesn't sound like much but it's the longest I've gone) and I was expecting to have to struggle to not binge but.. I have little to no appetite. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm not complaining, just think it's strange.

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[Other] Buzzfeed: "Questions You're Too Afraid to Ask Someone with an Eating Disorder" ft. Angela Gulner, who made BINGE the TV show!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 156 | -12 | GW: 120 | 20F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 13:29:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6141mh/buzzfeed_questions_youre_too_afraid_to_ask/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScKx4bSN_po

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[Rant/Rave] All nighters and fasting don't mix, especially when you throw in copious amounts of caffeine and cigarettes
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 13:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/613y2f/all_nighters_and_fasting_dont_mix_especially_when/
---
Holy fuck. I get it now when ever I read that someone gets faint or dizzy when they don't eat. It's fucking debilitating. I know it's blood sugar but goddamn, I was worried I wasn't going to be able to make my < 10 minute bike ride home. Made it but collapsed immediately in bed but I was too sick to fall asleep. Took forever to muster up the energy to go down and grab some food across the street (pasta "salad" fuck me) and of course I felt immediately better... physically.

I was so fucking pissed that I had to eat. ESPECIALLY since I weighed myself before I went out and even though I had lost a bit of weight since the day before, it wasn't enough to justify the amount of food I bought.

So I went for an hour and a half walk and I'm back to my pre-eating weight and while I'm exhausted I don't feel shitty about myself. Which I shouldn't ANYWAYS since I got so much shit done, but it's almost not worth it *because I had to eat.*

I fucking all the fucking hoops we have to jump through to keep this fucking disorder appeased.

#Fuck.

---

[Discussion] UCL students conducting research about ED's, emotions and social experiences in people aged 16-25. Please follow the link for the questionnaire and more information. Thank You
/u/AshleyatUCL
Created: Thu Mar 23 13:09:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/613wxk/ucl_students_conducting_research_about_eds/
---
https://uclpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_d5QzEgv9EVQoNsp

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[Rant/Rave] I wanna order two pizzas
/u/Myuuji [172 | 48.6 | 16.28 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 11:39:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/613c1s/i_wanna_order_two_pizzas/
---
I wanna order two pizzas to b/p but I don't want the pizzaman to think I am gonna eat both of them by myself, and I only like one type of pizza so I can't make the pizzas different. :(

And last time my neightbor had to come in with the pizzas because my doorbell was broken and she knows I live alone, so fuck me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Overslept and missed a midterm.
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Thu Mar 23 11:19:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6137io/overslept_and_missed_a_midterm/
---
I've been restricting more than usual, and yesterday night my self control broke a bit and I had a mini-binge. Almost as if the universe was punishing me for my disgusting inability to stop stuffing my fat face, my phone's alarm app got glitched & my alarm for 8 AM this morning never went off. I woke up two hours later, missing the midterm I had studied for for almost one week in advance. All my confidence for how successful I think it was going to go & all the effort I put in instead of finishing other assignments has completely gone to waste. I e-mailed my professor, but she told me that since our lowest grades get dropped, she wouldn't be giving me a make-up but instead just dropping this as a zero. I realize it could've been so much worse (like she doesn't drop it and my A effectively becomes a C because of the zero).

Well fuck me, if that's not the universe telling me to starve myself, then I don't know what is.

I've been crying a bit because I hate it when my "plans" don't work out - I was supposed to finish other assignments with the high I got from doing good on my exam at Starbucks & treat myself to a drink, and I had to do it through tears and self-hate in my room instead.

I genuinely hope your days are going so much better, there's this empty feeling inside of me like I just failed so badly, and I just want to get really drunk and forget about it.

---

[Rant/Rave] I think my husband is catching on....
/u/throwaway8274859
Created: Thu Mar 23 11:17:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/613749/i_think_my_husband_is_catching_on/
---
My husband has been taking an evening class, so he eats dinner early before he goes. I eat later when I get home from work. On weekdays I've been eating about 500 calories. On the weekend I usually have 1-2 normal meals, but try to stick to less than 1000 calories a day.

I think he's noticed that basically no food is gone from the fridge or pantry when he gets home. He keeps asking me what I ate for dinner.

Today he pre-made turkey bacon and mushrooms and told me they'd be yummy with some greens in a salad for dinner tonight. I just replied, "Yum."

I already agreed to go with a coworker for lunch. I picked a place where I can get a fish taco for about 300 calories.

So it looks like I'm going to be throwing away some turkey bacon and pretending like I ate it. Sigh.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else PLAN for binges on goal weights?
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Thu Mar 23 10:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6130xf/does_anyone_else_plan_for_binges_on_goal_weights/
---
I've been fasting this month (with occasional slip ups) and I lost 15 pounds but I feel like it completely fucked with my head? I'm PARANOID about eating, after fasting for 3 days I had a 600 cal meal today (some tomato soup, a bagel, and a couple spoons of homemade yogurt) and I want to bite my own head off because I'm deathly afraid of gaining the weight back. BUT despite my paranoias about gaining weight I always catch myself planning the massive binge I'll allow myself once I hit my target weight. And it's what keeps me going. I'm saving up recipes, checking out restaurants, looking at menus. I think I've gone completely mad! Does anyone else do this?

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[Help] My gums are seriously fucked.
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Thu Mar 23 10:28:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/612wnd/my_gums_are_seriously_fucked/
---
I've been told for years by my dentist that my gums are not great (genetics) and they will be a problem eventually. I've only been going hard with the purging for the past month and I'm trying to take care of them, doing the baking soda rinse, using fluoride, not brushing immediately. Last night while brushing I looked at my gums and I can see the bottom gum line is starting to really erode and you can see the root of the tooth. What. the. fuck. My tooth enamel doesn't seem to be bad just the gums. I immediately had a panic attack. I'm going to the dentist ASAP but I don't even know what to do. She's my mom's dentist too and we've known her for years, but how do the hell do I explain this? I'm thinking of asking my mom to call the office ahead of time and explain the bulimia so I don't have to say it in the office. I've already spent thousands on my teeth (3 years of braces plus another year of Invisalign because braces didn't finish the job.) Any advice?

---

Kratom for weight loss?
/u/sea-sigh
Created: Thu Mar 23 09:44:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/612mr9/kratom_for_weight_loss/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] How often do you all look at thinspo?
/u/mycaloriesfrombooze
Created: Thu Mar 23 09:24:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/612ij8/how_often_do_you_all_look_at_thinspo/
---
I realized that I only look when I want to punish myself, when the damage is done! Today I'm trying something new: I've already planned out what I'm eating today and if I try to veer from it, I'm going to look at thinspo and drink water. Do any of you have a routine? Is it daily? Do you find it helps?

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[Help] Any ideas on what I can do to alleviate these symptoms?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 84 / GW: 80]
Created: Thu Mar 23 07:31:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/611v2u/any_ideas_on_what_i_can_do_to_alleviate_these/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Ah.. anyone else here have a cutting problem?
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:･ﾟ✧ 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:･ﾟ✧ ]
Created: Thu Mar 23 07:29:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/611uqh/ah_anyone_else_here_have_a_cutting_problem/
---
Today was a mess. Shit happened, and I'm alive.

So I cut again. My arms sting but it's making me feel down to earth and sane.

I just can't see myself getting out of this mess, guys. My mental illness is a part of me now. I have no personality apart from it. All I can do now is just hope a truck hits me or I get a heart attack while purging.

I hope your day was better than mine, guys. Stay safe and try to stay positive. I'm sending hugs to you.

---

[Rant/Rave] Doctor's Appointment - almost in tears over being weighed..
/u/mckenziemudkip [5'2 | CW:106(-24) GW:88 | BMI 20.08| F/21]
Created: Thu Mar 23 06:39:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/611l71/doctors_appointment_almost_in_tears_over_being/
---
I'm going to the doctor today to hopefully get off laxative, and maybe prescribed Vyvanase (appetite suppressant for BED, basically)

I don't have binge eating disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 15 with AN B/P. So obviously I want this stuff so I can control the binges and lose more weight. But, I weigh 106lbs right now, per my home scale. I'm hoping I can convince my doctor I have moderate BED anyway. We'll see though.

Anyway - I am so afraid of them weighing me. I do NOT want to know how inaccurate my scale is. I don't want to see a number higher than what I am right now. It will ruin me. I've been doing so well staying under 600 cals a day and exercising. I've already lost 6 pounds in a week. I don't need another scale telling me I'm actually 112 again, or worse. It would send me into a binge cycle.. ugh. I wish I could tell them not to weigh me, or at least weigh me with me facing away.. But that wouldn't be good since I am trying to get medication for BED, and they won't give it to you if you have signs of an eating disorder..

Please send me good vibes :c

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 23 06:07:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/611fvb/weekly_emotional_support_march_23_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 23, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 23 06:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/611fuh/daily_food_diary_march_23_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 23, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Rant/Rave] binged/purged alcohol. out of my comfort zone. rant/help :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 23 04:03:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/610yfz/bingedpurged_alcohol_out_of_my_comfort_zone/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] Recently re-read this story, thought you guys might like to read it
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Thu Mar 23 00:25:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6109ex/recently_reread_this_story_thought_you_guys_might/
---
http://reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/2xcvgt/teenytiny/

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[Rant/Rave] I just b/p'd for 5.5hrs. God give me strength
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 22:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ztk4/i_just_bpd_for_55hrs_god_give_me_strength/
---
I had a breakdown today. Very rare for me.

Anyways I've been laying on my bed getting bedsores on my shoulder/hip eating bread w/ butter, then purging. Then eating pasta and purging, and more bread and some cookies and fries and ketchup and eggs(??) and I've literally just been in this cycle since I got home from work and now I'm all out of food so I've gotta muster the strength for the "final" purge, and then clean the horrid mess I've created because GUESS WHAT! We have dorm inspections tomorrow and I doubt my higher ups would take kindly to a vom-slathered toilet.

I won't sleep for another few hours, methinks.


Sorry. I'm still upset lol. I

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[Discussion] One meal a day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 22:30:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ztjy/one_meal_a_day/
---
[removed]

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One meal a day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 22:15:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60zr98/one_meal_a_day/
---
[deleted]

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3rd day one meal a day
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 22:04:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60zpis/3rd_day_one_meal_a_day/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] What other subreddits do you follow?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 21:30:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60zk2o/what_other_subreddits_do_you_follow/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] [Discussion] How do you guys feel about the culture over on r/thinspo
/u/theobeseana
Created: Wed Mar 22 20:59:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60zez1/discussion_how_do_you_guys_feel_about_the_culture/
---
I just recently found /r/thinspo and I was expecting the viewers and community to be similar to here. Comments saying how perfect the girls are, mostly other people struggling with EDs using thinspo for that reason, etc.

However, I've found the culture to be really porn-y (?) for lack of a better word? I kind of find it uncomfortable because that's not why I'm there, but it seems like the comments are mostly dudes talking about sleeping with the girls and IDK, that's just not what I expected.

Has anyone else noticed this or am I crazy??

ETA: I also find that the people over there are very intolerant of ED behavior and seem to have a lot of misconceptions. They also don't seem to realize that thinspo is generally consumed by people with EDs? I find that super frustration that people are on a sub that feels like it should be similar to this audience but they've turned it into a sex thing and then are shaming people with EDs looking for thinspo for actual thinspo.

Maybe I'm out of line.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone here religious?
/u/cultworshipper69 [5'10" | 115 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 20:32:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60z9w9/is_anyone_here_religious/
---
Just curious. A huge part of how I spiraled into an ED when I was younger had to do with feelings of guilt and worthlessness, coupled with the clean/pure/numb feeling I'd get from fasting. Not that I'm religious by any stretch, or that this was my only motivation. But I was listening to one of my Christian friends talk about concepts like accepting that your body is the way God made you, that you're deserving of love, etc., made me wonder if there's anyone here who lives with values like these and is still self-destructive?

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[Help] I keep fucking stress bingeing because I'm freaking out about an upcoming Dr's visit. Please tell me they aren't going to lock me up so I can stop this cycle!
/u/invisible_lizz [5' | 101.6 | BMI:19.8 l GW 90| -42 l F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 20:06:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60z556/i_keep_fucking_stress_bingeing_because_im/
---
Well after dodging the Dr's for about 7 months, since I've been in this relapse, the inevitable happened after I ordered a refill on my pills. Yes, they gave me a ring and said I needed to come in for a med check/evaluation.

.....And for the past month that I've been waiting for my appointment, It's been an insane spiral of binge/restrict/binge/fast yadda yadda. I think it's because I'm scared shitless about being found out. There's no way to hide 40 lbs of weight loss out of the blue.


Now this particular Dr only prescribes me my mental illness meds. She doesn't really talk to me about my ED or anything like that. She does talk to the rest of my team though, and I know she knows ALLLLLL about that glorious stuff.


They will know what's up. And then what if she refuses to refill my Wellbutrin???? I love this med, it's the only one that has worked for me, after years of trial and error. Aside from the weight loss help (which I also love) I for reals don't want to start all over again and I just know that other antidepressants just don't work or give me horrible side effects. She can pry this med out of my cold dead hands!!

I'm so concerned that she will see red flags as soon as she sees me and make me step on the scale. Then she might send me off for labs, (this is always the course of action taken in the past) and **WHO KNOWS** what they will find *(frankly, I don't want to know what I'm doing to myself)* And this is totally just my anxiety talking, but I'm so scared that she is going to want to address these things or try to get me to recover or something.

I'm definitely not skinny enough to warrant a panic or anything like that, but I know my team is more of the ~proactive~ type if you will, and tend to take things WAY more serious than I do. And as I'm approaching the underweight bracket (well, WAS. Fuck you, binges) I just think that they will know something's up after living the past, I dunno, probably 6 years of my teens and adult life as ~24 BMI and above.

**TLDR; SOMEONE PUT SOME SENSE INTO MY BRAIN AND TELL ME THEY WON'T SHIP ME TO THE LOONY BIN.**

they can't....right?

(Bless you, if you read this wall of text)

---

[Rant/Rave] I've calculated that I'm allowed 8400 calories a day for a week..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 19:59:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60z3oc/ive_calculated_that_im_allowed_8400_calories_a/
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[deleted]

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[Intro] Letting the ED takeover
/u/androidedieciocho [5'6" | CW 120lbs | GW 110 | 27F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 19:35:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60yz39/letting_the_ed_takeover/
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I'm a long time lurker of this sub and can relate to so many of the posts I see here.

Short Introduction:
I was teased by my older sister for being overweight, even though I never have been, from a very young age and ended up being hospitalized for anorexia at age nine. I've relapsed a couple of times since then but mostly have managed to stay at the lower end of a healthy weight for my height since then. I kind of think of my eating disorder as this thing that is always with me, will never go away, and I occasionally want to tap into really deeply. I want to hit my goal weight of around 110lbs, now I'm 125, but I know I would have to put a lot of effort into accomplishing it and based off of my past I know I couid do that. The problem is struggling with a healthy fear of giving anorexia an inch, these 15lbs I want to lose, and my worry that it will take a mile instead, that is my life will be consumed by it. I'm frustrated that I feel like I can't totally control what I eat to hit my goal weight, knowing that ultimately my goal weight is totally meaningless anyway, and feeling like I can't control my anorexia if I try to exploit it even a little bit.

Can anyone else relate to this?

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[Rant/Rave] Sushi sodium conundrums
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 19:23:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ywxr/sushi_sodium_conundrums/
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Tomorrow's my boyfriend's birthday, and we're going for sushi with his family. I've basically been researching my ass off about the amount of calories in different types of rolls, the amount of sodium in each roll, etc. Since I'm a vegetarian, they won't expect me to eat the fish and I usually stick to the vegetable rolls anyway.

I thought I was safe with my two choices (1 roll/6 pieces of cucumber maki, and 1 roll/6 pieces of avocado maki) as they're both under 200 calories each, and will fit into my 321 calorie limit. However, I didn't think about how much sodium would be in the sushi rolls. While cucumbers and avocados don't have much sodium (10mg or lower), the sushi rice itself does.

I've found out that it can have anywhere from 388mg to 581mg per cup of sushi rice. One maki roll can have anywhere from 1/2 cup to 1 cup of sushi. Since I'm having two maki rolls for dinner, I'm going to be very liberal and guess that I'll be taking in around 1200mg of sodium (1162mg for 2 cups of sushi rice, 2.5mg for 2 sheets of nori, 5.1mg for 1/2 cup avocado, and 1mg for 1/2 cup cucumbers).

That much sodium in one night, after having consumed less than 300mg for two weeks is bound to make me retain water weight 😞 It's my boyfriend, though, there's no way I'm going to turn him down. I'm just really not looking forward to stepping on the scale the morning after.

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[Thinspo] Summer Thinspo
/u/Echolaura [5'11"| 140.8| 19.14| -25| F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 19:01:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ysr5/summer_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/k423E

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Vegan Mono diets
/u/rippleoftime
Created: Wed Mar 22 18:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ynmo/vegan_mono_diets/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What are you safe foods?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 84 / GW: 80]
Created: Wed Mar 22 18:29:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ymlt/what_are_you_safe_foods/
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EDIT: your* FFS

Prompted by the recent thread on fear foods, what are your SAFE foods?

Mine are cucumbers and lettuce, egg whites, and clementines.

Well...is it a safe food if kitkats are the only chocolate I can let myself eat if I give up the real food I'd eat for my daily intake to eat them??? I didn't even really like kitkats pre-ed, but I feel like they take so much longer to eat than their similar calorie counterparts (I mean, I /do/ bite the chocolate off the sides before eating the wafer part with just the top and bottom chocolate parts on, after all)

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Mar 22 18:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60yibj/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/eqchgpolu1ny.jpg

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Boobs
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 153 | 24.7| -32| F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 17:29:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60yaju/discussion_boobs/
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Strange question. I carry A TON of weight in my boobs. I started out as a 36 DDD. I've gone down to about a 34 DD. Due to being pretty large, my boobs have never been super perky but I worry a lot that as I continue losing they will completely deflate and be hideous skin bags and I will need a breast lift. Does anyone have any experience going down multiple bra sizes and if so, how did your boobs turn out?

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[Discussion] binge versus satisfying a craving
/u/coffeeanddietcokee [5'9'' | 142.4 | 20.7 | GW2 145 | GW3 139]
Created: Wed Mar 22 17:27:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60y9zr/binge_versus_satisfying_a_craving/
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To me, a binge is an emotional state, less of what I eat or the amount I eat. if I plan something out to eat that is high calorie, but I am accepting it, it is not a binge. or if I over eat, but don't do it in a manic way, it is not a binge. like today I am seriously PMSing badly & all I want is chocolate. I made brownies, ate batter and a brownie, but I don't consider it a binge because I was not manic or out of control, I just wanted/need to satisfy this craving. however, if I plan out a binge, or don't, and eat in a frantic way and I feel like it is a binge, thats when I know and consider it that.

I don't know why I felt like I needed to say that, I just did. I used to b/p A LOT years ago, and now that I just restrict (mainly), I can really tell the difference between a binge and not.

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[Discussion] This link was on /r/fatlogic and I love it way too much. Worth reading, I promise!
/u/throwaway03199519
Created: Wed Mar 22 16:07:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60xt8h/this_link_was_on_rfatlogic_and_i_love_it_way_too/
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http://archive.is/1xJpu

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[Intro] First Post+Food Substitutions :)
/u/twiggybarbie
Created: Wed Mar 22 15:01:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60xen1/first_postfood_substitutions/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 14:31:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60x7wo/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/udbmbkhwr0ny.jpg

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[Thinspo] What do you look for in thinspo?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 14:12:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60x3eg/what_do_you_look_for_in_thinspo/
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(No flair, sorry!)

Everyone has different criteria for their body goal, so I was wondering what you guys look for specifically.

Personally, I like long, leggy nymph-like models since that's what I aspire to look like, but unfortunately I'm neither long nor leggy, so I have realistic people near my height or people with a similar body type.
Two modes: realistic and unrealistic.
If I'm trying to be realistic, I'll try to find people around 5" - 5"5' or are busty or have a similar figure to me.

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[Discussion] Body insecurities that can't be fixed with weight loss?
/u/vraisemblablement [5'8" | CW: 117.8 | 17.72/17.91 | -57 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 13:42:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60wwlc/body_insecurities_that_cant_be_fixed_with_weight/
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Can you guys please commiserate with me over the things you hate about your body that won't improve when you reach your goal weight, or may even get worse? I know a lot of people talk about losing their boobs and butt ("luckily" I never had either so I don't have to worry about that).

For me it's my linebacker shoulders. They're so broad and manly and I fucking hate them. I didn't used to mind too much because they were fairly proportional to my body, but as I shrink, my shoulders stay huge. Finding clothes that fit is impossible since there's like a 3 size discrepancy between my shoulders and the rest of my torso.

I've managed to accept--or dare I say, even embrace--my fairly androgynous body, but I get disgusted every time I look at my shoulders in the mirror. (And I won't even get into how shitty of a feminist I feel like wanting to trade strong shoulders that can lift things for ones that look nice in a dainty tank top.)

Anyone else have an insecurity like this?

**edit: Thank you all so much for sharing. I feel much less alone and much less crazy. <3**

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[Other] Good news everyone! We going to live longer!
/u/Smiffsten
Created: Wed Mar 22 13:04:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60wnv5/good_news_everyone_we_going_to_live_longer/
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[removed]

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[Goal] I'm not going to stress.
/u/newportshorty [5'9 | CW:160| -70]
Created: Wed Mar 22 12:29:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60wfvu/im_not_going_to_stress/
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I'm writing this just so that I can come back to it and remind myself when I'm feeling against it. I leave for LA on vacation today. I'm going to eat whatever I want. I'm not going to stress over weight gain. I'm not going to count my calories. I'm going to relax and enjoy my vacation and for once in my fucking life, food will not rule me. Food will not dictate my day. Food will not make me feel like shit. I've lost 70 pounds now. I want to lose more, but clearly I can fucking do it. I have the willpower. Now use that willpower to give yourself a break. I want to enjoy myself and not worry.

When I get back though, back to business. Restricting everyday. No bingeing. None. Back. To. Business.

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[Tip] Started to binge but stopped in the middle of it, before I went too far... (Positive post)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 12:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60wdj6/started_to_binge_but_stopped_in_the_middle_of_it/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] "I like how everytime you say youre gonna fast, we make good food and you end up just eating it lol"
/u/CassTheUltimateBA [5'10 | 159 | 22.8 | 51 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 11:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60w6k0/i_like_how_everytime_you_say_youre_gonna_fast_we/
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lol.

LOL.

YEAH LOL THANKS FOR CALLING ME OUT. Its not like you know i have eating issues. How much i *hate* my body. How last time you took a picture of me I went upstairs and cried.

Looks like im not getting shrimp kebabs. Whatever. Fuck your kababs.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't stand fat people
/u/mrcolon96 ["dacing with the devil, i love that he pretends to care"]
Created: Wed Mar 22 11:18:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60vz3y/i_cant_stand_fat_people/
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[removed]

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[Other] Just need to talk about my feelings around this guy.
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|106|18.8|F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 10:14:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60vkp7/just_need_to_talk_about_my_feelings_around_this/
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OK. So I've known this guy (M) for a couple years. He's really good friends with one of my best friends (J). They live a couple hours away, but I make an effort to go visit there frequently, and they have welcomed me into their friends group. Cool. Well anyway in January we had a party for J and and I was noticing M's eating habits since one of our friends loves cooking and made us a feast. And to be honest, I didn't even notice his eating habits until I saw him paying extra attention to mine and he kept asking me did I eat enough, here have this, etc. He's pretty skinny. So I started paying attention to him and I sort of have more than a hunch that he has eating issues. Like I can tell. Takes one to know one, I guess. Plus last week he sent me this comedy sketch that Bill Burr did about eating and stuff. So. Yeah. Whatever.


Anyways...he came over last week and hooked up and like...he is skinnier than me and I can't stand it!! I mean he isn't like deathly thin or anything but his rib cage is so nice ughhh really frustrating. Even though I fasted for like 36 hours before he came over I was super self conscious. I usually don't date/hook up with skinny guys so it was a really weird feeling.


As if that wasn't bad enough. He is like really, really nice. I feel like I'm gonna drag him into my cave of suicidal depression and self loathing and I just don't want to bring him down. I feel like nobody could possibly like somebody like me. He only likes the person I portray to the world and really I'm a piece of shit, etc. He's way too into me and I feel bad. Plus I don't like that he texts me everyday and that he cares about me because I've been feeling super suicidal lately and he's making me feel guilty that somebody would care if I was gone. I've really pushed out everyone in my life recently and sort of reached out to him as just somebody to talk to, if that makes sense, since we had a connection this one time and talked for a few hours. But now I'm regretting it and that part of me that pushes everyone away so I can isolate myself and wallow in my own misery and pity is getting louder and louder.


I don't know what to do. He is coming over again this weekend. He is really cool and nice and all that. I just have so many mixed feelings about this whole situation. I fasted before he came then binged that last 2 days, now I'm fasting again so I can try to look skinnier the next time I see him. I don't want to turn this into some self-induced competition and at the same time I hate myself for dragging him into my miserable little world. I really don't think he realizes how shitty of a person I am. I feel so so so guilty about it. He's so nice he shouldn't be hanging out with someone like me.


Sorry that was so long. I have nobody to talk to about all of this so thanks for listening if you made it this far.

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[Discussion] I had a realization about gaining weight.
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | 104 | 19.0 | Ugw: 85 |19f]
Created: Wed Mar 22 10:04:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60vic1/i_had_a_realization_about_gaining_weight/
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in the past week, i gained about 5-7 pounds. I feel repulsive.

I hate spring break. I went on a road trip and barely walked, so i ended up eating a shitload of junkfood in the car. On sunday, I was analyzing the damage and made plans for losing it. Yesterday, after restricting for 2 days and seeing no progress I realized how good I felt, not about me appearance, obviously, but about what I was doing. I realized how fucking awesome the process of losing is. I love restricting, I love fasting, I love keeping busy to avoid food and as weird as it sounds I love feeling like I'm going to pass out lol. so yeah, Im gross rn but im gonna love the process of losing weight bc its the one thing im (kind of) good at!!!! lol it's pathetic but it helps!!!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Need to get this out somehow
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 09:06:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60v5j2/need_to_get_this_out_somehow/
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[removed]

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[Help] How to deal with triggering friends?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2" | 126ish? | GW Thigh gap | Recovering is hard | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 09:06:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60v5hp/how_to_deal_with_triggering_friends/
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(On mobile, yada yada yada, 'help' tag please)

So I've basically only got two friends and they're polar opposites when it comes to eating. One of them is a healthy body weight, eats when she's hungry and stops when she's full, and has never counted a calorie in her life.

The other used to be overweight but has lost most of it and is working on losing more. She's doing it "the healthy way", basically eating whatever she wants within her allotted calories (probably 1400-1600 a day) and then exercising every day. Which is great! And I'm happy for her and all. The problem is that sometimes it's *all she talks about* and it can be pretty triggering depending on my body image/self esteem at the time. And it sucks even more because I'm trying to recover and all she makes me want to do is restrict for days.

I'm never going to tell any of my friends about my disordered eating tendencies or my shitty body image, so I can't say anything to her, but I was wondering if anyone here has had a similar problem?

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[Tip] 105 calorie blueberry smoothie!
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 09:00:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60v40s/105_calorie_blueberry_smoothie/
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* 140g frozen wild blueberries** - 70 calories
* 270ml unsweetened almond milk - 35 calories
* 2 packets zero calorie sweetener - 0 calories
* Total: 105 calories (18g carbs/4g fat/2g protein/183g sodium 😞)

**You can use fresh blueberries, but you'll have to add ice which might water down the flavor.

1. Combine everything in blender and blend til smooth.
2. Enjoy!

Smooth, thick without being heavy. Sweet, but with a kind of an almondy taste. It's not super noticeable, though. [Here's a picture!](http://imgur.com/a/0QR4R)

All in all, 8/10

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[Other] Opened up a little to one of my good friends. It went better than I expected.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 08:41:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60v04q/opened_up_a_little_to_one_of_my_good_friends_it/
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https://imgur.com/a/tbo6f

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[Rant/Rave] A somewhat disjointed rant
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 162 | GW 120 | -13 | 22F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 08:15:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60uuqp/a_somewhat_disjointed_rant/
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I'm down 10lbs over about 2/3 weeks but my measurements are literally the same. I guess it was all water weight or something but it's so discouraging I just want to binge to spite myself :( Realistically I know there is no way I'm gaining when I'm eating between 600-1000 calories a day and even when I have binged I've not gone over 1400 but somehow I look even fatter.



 



My sister is my new thinspo. I was always the thinner sister, even at my highest weight but since going vegan, like 6 months ago, weight has dropped off her and she's close to my first GW. My family used to always tell me I didn't need to lose weight (lol) but now that she's thinner they're encouraging it.



 



I'm going away this weekend so I'm restricting hard all week so I can relax a bit more whilst I'm away but my anxiety gets so bad just thinking about not counting my calories or eating from a restaurant and not knowing how it's made. I don't even want to go anymore and my car just broke so this week is going GREAT already.


 



Also, hi, this is my first post! I've lurked for ages and finally made a throwaway so I can post. I put off for a while since I don't think I have an ED, just disordered eating, but I feel like I need this community to keep me sane(ish) <3

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[Goal] [Victory] I binged last night
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 07:54:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60uqcs/victory_i_binged_last_night/
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And it pushed me through my plateau! Finally got under 112. I'm 111.8 but at least the scale is moving again!

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[Rant/Rave] What is so hard about making plain black tea??
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 22 07:51:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60uptf/what_is_so_hard_about_making_plain_black_tea/
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I'm sure some of you will appreciate this. Last night on my way home I had a little downtime before the next bus so I went into Wendy's to keep from freezing to death. That was risky! My brain was racing with all of the binging possibilities but I really forced myself to stick to my guns. I figured I'd keep myself preoccupied by getting black tea and a bottled water. I tell the girl "black tea, plain." I should have known something was wrong because her very next question was "ok, how many sugars."

Me: "Um, no no. No. Please no sugar, just the water and the tea bag."

Her: "You don't want nothing in it?"

Me: "Just the tea please."

Her, incredulously: "Ok..."

I grabbed the order (which took way too long, second clue something was off) and go catch the bus. When I finally take a sip of the tea, and it is completely full of sugar! I can't comprehend how that happened. Am I insane? Why would she assume that what I ordered wasn't actually what I wanted, and then give me what she thinks I should have ordered? I didn't drink it obviously, but that just put me in such a rage the entire way home. At least she didn't try to jam sugar into the bottled water too /eyeroll.

That tea snafu set me up for an emotionally shitty night. I weighed myself at the end of the day (as opposed to first thing in the morning) so I have to take it with a grain of salt, but I was 5lbs up (from the [baby shower weekend binge](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60pcc7/baby_shower_destroyed_me_i_binged/)). Something about seeing that number and being that hungry and angry just made me completely lose my shit and crumble to the bathroom floor in a fit of tears and self-loathing. Two steps forward, one step back, wash, rinse, repeat. It's so easy to undo all of the hard work I put in, but it's so slow to come back off.

I'm back on the wagon (wait, is it *on* the wagon or *off*? Whatever I'm back to restricting) and yesterday I did great - under 600 cals total. Today I plan to do the same. And this morning I lost 1 of the 5lbs I gained. I mean, look, I'm fucking batshit bananas, I don't have any other choice but to keep going, keep trying, keep pushing myself to break this binge habit. I'm just so tired of the struggle. It's like the left side of my brain isn't seeing eye-to-eye with the right. How could I both want to be a normal weight and also want to eat All The Things^TM ? It's baffling.

I packed my own tea bags this morning. Can't trust anyone these days!

**Edit: Thank you guys for commiserating with me about this tea debacle! This thread made me laugh so much, I heart you all**

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT/RAVE] I've been getting compliments but I've done absolutely nothing to merit them.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 07:21:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ujwc/rantrave_ive_been_getting_compliments_but_ive/
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I have EDNOS so I go through phases of starve > binge > purge > eat normally > hate myself > starve > repeat. I've been somewhere between eat normally and starve spectrum as of the past couple weeks, wavering back and forth. I don't have my shit together, I don't have control, I look fucking awful, and I hate everything.

But lately, my mom keeps telling me how thin I am. Like, randomly, every couple of weeks. And just now, my librarian came up to me and said "you're disappearing you're so thin! Eat a cheeseburger, gosh!" Totally in a nice way but I'm just so annoyed because I've literally done absolutely nothing, I've been eating like a cow (read: a regular person). I've felt so so so disgusting lately which only leads to the question: how fucking gross did I look "before"? Ugh.

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[Rant/Rave] a small rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 07:16:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60uizq/a_small_rant/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Sharp pain on the right side under ribs
/u/Myuuji [172 | 48.6 | 16.28 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 07:13:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60uidq/sharp_pain_on_the_right_side_under_ribs/
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[removed]

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 22 06:10:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60u7dt/way_to_go_wednesday_march_22_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for March 22, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 22, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 22 06:09:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60u7d8/daily_food_diary_march_22_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 22, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Discussion] What are your fear foods and why?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 05:10:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ty7q/what_are_your_fear_foods_and_why/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ty7q/what_are_your_fear_foods_and_why/

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[Rant/Rave] What a life
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'3" | CW: 148.2 | -48lbs | 21F 🌷]
Created: Wed Mar 22 02:39:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60tgfn/what_a_life/
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So I'm working nights right now and I keep nocturnal to make them less unbearable. Today I only had <150 cals and walked 18,000 steps so needless to say I mentally feel great, physically like shit. I just dropped 2 lbs in the past 2 days as well so I'm feeling all sorts of wonky. Cue me feeling unbearably dizzy *while in bed* and I decide I can't sleep like this so I get up, chug a Powerade zero and eat 10 pieces of popcorn. Feel insanely better, then guilty and sad because I messed up my morning weigh in potentially. Why am I like this.

Side note: my tiny friend's (5'1 and 100 with legs longer than me at 5'3) favorite food is popcorn and I always made fun of her because whose favorite food is popcorn anyway? Relapse and find popcorn is absolutely my new favorite food. Light, crunchy, salty, and as long as it's not shit, low in calories! I'm surprised I stopped at 10 pieces tbh

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Just started crying because I want to go out and have dinner at a nice restaurant??
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 02:03:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60tclk/rant_just_started_crying_because_i_want_to_go_out/
---
I'm literally in tears because I saw a food blogger from a city near me post about this mushroom gnocchi and it made me realise how much I want to go out to a restaurant and have proper good food. But I can't. Because unknown cals and being vegan. Fucking hell. And don't even get me started on the cannoli. It looked so good.

I'm so torn because on one hand I want to be vegan for the animals but on the other hand restricting has made me crave everything that looks good and on those times when I do allow myself to indulge I can't have what I want most because of it and tends to just lead to a binge. I don't live near any vegan restaurants either :(

I can't weight for this water wait to fuck off so that I can finally be back down to 16.5 and start to high restrict and enjoy shit again :^^^^) sub-500 + me do not mix

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[Rant/Rave] Rant thoughts
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Mar 22 00:45:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60t3xh/rant_thoughts/
---
The irony of being a bulimic and not feeling sick enough

My chest has been hurting when I breathe and oh wow for some reason that made me feel sicker as if my illness wasn't taking me away fast enough

Or wait another one the fun thing about bulimia is that you pretty much feel weird sensations

Tingly, numb fingers? Check
I can't move my finger to touch my other finger check

Bp has dropped and heart rate is around 50? Heart skips beats? Yah.

Sharp pains sometimes and the joy of standing up too fast and seeing black. Fun

And yet I convince myself I an not sick enough
Because I binged and I didn't calorie count the way I wanted

And yes this disorder is so hard to let go of
Because it gave me identity. A safe but reasonably damp and lonely safe place it's been.

I didn't purge today guys

I hate myself for it

And today was supposed to be a good day it really was.

---

[Rant/Rave] Told my best friend about my ED...
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Wed Mar 22 00:35:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60t2s3/told_my_best_friend_about_my_ed/
---
We've been friends for seven years and I consider him one of my closest. I've been there for him through some shit, literally stood by his side when he came out to his homophobic parents. I've been wanting to tell him about my bulimia, especially since it's becoming much more serious. I just want to tell someone other than my parents (who already know). I took a xanax tonight (prescription yo) and it loosened me up enough to feel comfortable opening up to him (over text, I tried to tell him in person last week but couldn't do it.) I explained what was going on and that I was very concerned for my health, my teeth, and that I had been purging multiple times a day. His response was "I think you need to focus on better self control with your eating and your perception of it." Which I guess makes some sense, but does he not realize this is a serious life threatening disorder??? I don't purge because I have no self control, I purge because I struggle with mental illness and need to feel control over something.


So I feel even worse now. I'm embarrassed to even see him now. It's so hard to be vulnerable with someone, would it be selfish to say I just wanted a little moral support from a trusted friend? He's never been a terribly empathetic person. Guess I'll just keep these things to myself from now on, at least I got you guys <3

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[Rant/Rave] I am so exhausted
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 22 00:13:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60t013/i_am_so_exhausted/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I Binged Because Garbanzo Beans are High-Calorie
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 25.5 | -123 |F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 23:40:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60svxd/i_binged_because_garbanzo_beans_are_highcalorie/
---
After a terrible day of binge-purge-binge-purge-binge yesterday, today was great until about 7pm. I'd been juice-fasting, and I was staring at the beautiful salad I'd made my husband of spiralized daikon radish, apples, carrots, cilantro, onions, and a homemade lemongrass tahini dressing.

And I made myself a plate of the gorgeous salad, topped with roasted garbanzos that had been cooked with some avocado oil. Ate it inside of a sprouted grain wrap sitting at the table like a normal human being. Internally complimented myself on stopping when I was full.

I was all fine and good until I started plugging my food into LoseIT and realized I'd blown through my 1500 calories for the day, largely thanks to the 300+ calories contained in that small amount of fried garbanzos. And then the face-stuffing binge started.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I'm not purging, and the belt on my high-waisted jeans is digging into my bloat. I'll be losing a dietbet this week, and I'm dreading my anniversary date on Friday because I won't be able to eat without guilt even though I've bought a Groupon for a raw vegan restaurant. Do I stop exercising so I'm not so ravenous? Ugh, IDK what to do.

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[Rant/Rave] I won't reveal my secret
/u/sprinkle1997 [156 cm | SW 70 kg CW 55.5 kg GW 45 kg | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 23:37:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60svje/i_wont_reveal_my_secret/
---
I lost over 30 pounds over the past year and my friend wants to lose weight. She keeps asking me how I did it and I refuse to answer her. Not because I'm scared she'll tell my mom, not because I'm worried for her health if she were to copy me. Basically, she doesn't even know what calories are. And I don't want to tell her. I don't want her to be thinner than me. Why am I such a bitch? I hate what this disorder does to me. I've become so warped.

---

[Goal] I'm weighing for the first time in weeks tmrw.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-76 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 22:46:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60sopg/im_weighing_for_the_first_time_in_weeks_tmrw/
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Hi everyone, i haven't been on this sub for so long because i just wanted a break you know? The restricting the purging, it was all getting to me. I took about 2 months off and gained 20 pounds (for fuck sake). The last 2 weeks or so I really shut shit down. Restricting to about 200-300 calories a day.

I stopped weighing everyday because seeing every little ounce i gained drove me up a wall and broke me down mentally (i'm sure you guys know what i'm talking about).

I just hope we all wake up a thinner tmrw.

---

[Help] Laxative question
/u/isitjustme1984
Created: Tue Mar 21 22:37:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60snio/laxative_question/
---
While I've had an ED for about 15 years, laxatives never were my go-to. That said, yesterday I knew I was gonna have a hardcore binge (some purging) and I ended up taking about 5 laxatives at about 1pm. Halfway through my binge, I had some cramping and the tmi then I took 5 more laxatives (abt 5pm). This AM I had some unpleasant-ness and cramping from about 7am-10am but I haven't had that horrible hour(s) on the toilet that I've read about from other people. Is it possible to still be coming? If it's done, how on earth did I take 10 laxatives and not really have any super bad side effects? I'm almost disappointed!! I was super uncomfortable this AM but nothing *great* happened...please tell me I'm not alone!

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[Rant/Rave] [Vent] I'm so damn tired
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 21:48:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60sg0e/vent_im_so_damn_tired/
---
It's been really hard lately. I'm coming down with something nasty and it's so hard to concentrate on staying on track when I feel like I'm dying. I'm a huge emotional eater/comfort food person. I've been sad and sick and angry all month and it's really reflecting in my ability to lose the weight. Every time I get close to my goal, something sets me off and I'm binging 🙄

I've been working two jobs, 7 days a week, for the last almost 9 months. I never have enough money or enough sleep. My last day for one of my jobs is next week and I'll be able to have days off again. I need it for my mental health. Hopefully I can get myself sorted before summertime :(

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[Other] Fat girl in a musical: Script...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 21:33:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60sdji/fat_girl_in_a_musical_script/
---
https://i.redd.it/77p0w3r7qvmy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Another day, another problem
/u/wavvvybaby
Created: Tue Mar 21 21:20:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60sbf8/another_day_another_problem/
---
(No flair...mobile.)

Hey it's me! Your friendly neighbourhood closeted-binge-purger.

So the past few months have been pretty terrible. Gained a ton of weight. -I think its because I started Bc pills and my appetite just skyrocketed but whatever.

Sooo naturally I ate more and purged more.

Well in late summer a piece of my tooth came off. Were talking about 1/4 of my molar. I knew it was because of my purging. But whatever...my dumb ass didn't want to go get it fixed because I hate the dentist and I didn't want them asking questions.

So fast forward to yesterday.

Im eating a bagel(one of four of that day because I'm a worthless fat ass) and I feel something hard.

I spit out my bagel and theres a piece of my tooth lying there.

So now my molar is 3/4 gone and theres a gaping hole. My dad took a look at the piece and said it looked decayed(lol if he only knew).

So yeah basically my teeth are falling apart. They're so sensitive and are eroding away because of how often I purge. Also every time I eat something my stomach kills so I don't know whats going on there.

Ive decided to refrain from purging for now until I get my tooth fixed.

Another thing to add on the list of why you should never begin to purge:)

Pls:) do:) not:) start:)

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[Rant/Rave] FAAARCK! (laxatives/1st world probs)
/u/someone776833
Created: Tue Mar 21 20:53:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60s6sk/faaarck_laxatives1st_world_probs/
---
When you want to take your laxatives and or "milk of magnesia" or whatever the fuck but it decides to kick in at weird times but you have a daily goal set to walk and jog real early in the AM then again at night.

Like, what the fuck. What me do?


Mobile, can't flair.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Countinghappypoints on Instagram
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 20:45:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60s5cn/discussion_countinghappypoints_on_instagram/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] survey!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 20:12:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rzg5/survey/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Plant-based diets
/u/altforkicks [5'4 | CW: 157 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 20:07:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ryle/plantbased_diets/
---
Hi friends! I have been struggling a lot recently with binging (I swear I'm spelling that wrong) and I physically can't purge, even though I high-key wish I could. I'm already a vegetarian, but my binge foods are usually ice cream and high-calorie dairy products.

Long story short, I was wondering if anyone here practices a plant-based diet (like vegan or plant-based vegetarian) and if that helps them... I was thinking about trying to avoid calorie counting for a few days and just letting myself eat as many fruits/veggies as I wanted and then seeing if I lost/gained/binged/etc. Has anyone had any success with something similar?

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] What a bullshit binge
/u/theobeseana
Created: Tue Mar 21 19:10:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60roc4/rant_what_a_bullshit_binge/
---
I'd been have a really really great day and my parents were letting me cook what I wanted for dinner, and my mom and I were going to cook it together.

Well, my mom say she'd be about an hour late, so I decided to cook dinner by myself to be ready right when she got home.

Then she ended up being another fucking hour late. So what do I do? Not start on my healthy veggie stir fry of course.

No, let's dig into the only piece of chocolate in this house, then some god damn cheese puffs because I'm a disgusting human, then some lunch meat, then some almond butter, then make myself some top ramen and finally come to my senses before I eat it and throw it out.

Then mom comes home, I act normal and eat my dinner.

What the actual fuck.

---

[Goal] I just went out and got my fiance Wendy's for dinner & two beers
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Tue Mar 21 18:59:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rm75/i_just_went_out_and_got_my_fiance_wendys_for/
---
He worked all day while I stayed home, cleaned up the house, and played pokemon all day. I offered to go pick these things up for him, because he was so spent when he got home. It felt as though it was the least I could do.

I don't know why I do this to myself, it's like jumping right into the fucking sharks tank. I even got him a frosty that he didn't ask for, because I knew he would like it. I drove home with his greasy bag of filth enjoying the smell. Letting it really get all up in my nostrils in an attempt to get some sort of satisfaction out of it. Thinking about how amazing it would be for all of 2 minutes to dip the fries in the frosty, and go to town. Then i'd purge, and proceed to the alcohol. I wouldn't have gotten two beers, though. I'd have a pint of whiskey, because that would have been enough for tonight. I'd maybe even have a little left over to irish up my coffee in the morning at this point, but that's doubtful.

I'm sitting here watch him enjoy his booze and his food while I sip some sleepy time tea. The fast food is whatever, I haven't properly binged in a very long time, but I told him I can't go to the liquor store for him anymore. These feelings are awful.

---

[Thinspo] Couple Thinspo!
/u/Echolaura [5'11"| 140.8| 19.14| -25| F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 18:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rjhp/couple_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/qhEhc

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Mar 21 18:39:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rihj/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/lm7iybc5vumy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] i hate kinder eggs
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 113.4 | 20.7 | -17 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 18:31:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rh5j/i_hate_kinder_eggs/
---
i hate hate hate them im sitting here half tearing up bc im 26 hours into a fast i can easily continue until 3 pm tomorrow & all of this could be ruined so easily bc i have a fucking kinder egg laying next to me

my brains tearing itself apart trying to convince me to eat it and then screaming that ill hate myself the moment i do

& on top of it all i feel so fucking fake like i dont actually have an ed so why am i whining about it on here & tumblr lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] Weighed myself for the first time in 3 years.. not good :'(
/u/creedbrattonage30 [5'0 | CW 108 | GW 90 | H/L 145/82 | 20.9 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 18:30:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rh0a/weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_3_years_not/
---
I've been posting here since falling back into this whole thing a few months ago, and I've recently purchased a scale again after not having one for a long time. Mentally I've viewed myself as about 10-14lbs (a LOT at my height) less than it turns out I actually am, which I still thought was too much but could just about deal with the thought of.. But nope. Horrifying, I feel awful. :(

It has made me realise though, that I must have actually been pretty skinny a few years ago when I weighed c.85 lbs.. I knew I was smaller but I could never really see it. Now clearly I actually am enormous. Anyway, time to get back on track then. Yay.

:/

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[Intro] Oh No, Here We Go Again!
/u/nerrdygrrl15 [5'5" | Out of Hospital | Unknown Weight]
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:57:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60rand/oh_no_here_we_go_again/
---
Well, I don't think I ever did an intro when I started here since I just dived right in (and off the deep end). I'm H~ I've struggled with anorexia since I was fifteen, and I'm almost twenty now. This time last year I was about to go into my first round of inpatient treatment at ERC Denver, where I went from about 100 lbs to 128 (they feed us hiGH there, lemme tell ya) and upon my discharge in July IMMEDIATELY relapsed.

I went back to college in PDX in the fall and ended up way, way worse than I was before (got down to a BMI of about 15.5?). Turns out keeping busy writing papers and having no friends will do that for you.

I had to be hospitalized on HALLOWEEN (how spooky) and ended up in treatment from October 31st to mid-February, from hospital all the way to IOP. I didn't gain as much weight as I did with ERC, and I've been trying to slowly lose it in a much healthier way.

Unfortunately, I'm also a paranoid little shit, so what WAS 1500 calories a day looks like it's going to be between 1000 and 1200 until I transition away from the less fun kind of D&D, "doctors and dieticians." I've noticed with this vague not-relapse, my walking's gotten a bit up there / compulsive, so that'll be fun.

I love English, writing and listening to a shit-ton of music, David Lynch films and TV, and post-ironic memes.

Great to be back...? I guess?

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[Discussion] Ultimate Binge Aftercare?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:53:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60r9zq/ultimate_binge_aftercare/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Finally got that halo top that y'all told me about. 😻 *no flair, mobile*
/u/Sundriana
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:52:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60r9sw/finally_got_that_halo_top_that_yall_told_me_about/
---
I drove out of my way to publix and just got my groceries there :3.
I bought 4 different flavors of halo top and I'm so excited to try them. I'm just sad because I'm trying to stay under 250 calories again, so I'm going to have to wait till tomorrow and hope I don't binge. 🙃

---

[Thinspo] 😍😍
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60r6dr/_/
---
https://i.redd.it/1kluov4kjumy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Triggered into binge planning [rant] possible TW?
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:14:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60r2lz/triggered_into_binge_planning_rant_possible_tw/
---
So I work in healthcare, and today one of my patients tried to have sex with me. He is intellectually disabled, so it was innocent and I know he doesn't know it was wrong, but I immediately flashed back to the time I was raped- the similarities in the situations were surprising.

Anyways, now I'm sitting here in PTSD mode and the only thing I can think about is all the food I want to eat and every restaurant on my way home from the gym. I feel like subconsciously I'm trying to sabotage my body to be unattractive or something. I'm at 260 cals and about to go to a HIIT workout class (so today's going well) and I'm so worried I'm gonna fuck it up all because of my fucking workday!!!!!!

I hate ED brain.

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[Discussion] ED x Veganism?
/u/babyjunimo [5'5 | CW 101 | BMI 17.00 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:11:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60r1zb/ed_x_veganism/
---
So, I've been feeling down for about a week now and I'm starting a binge up. I feel too shitty to even resist, honestly. I was two lbs away from my goal, too.

It just feels like even when I eat within my cal goal lately, or if I don't eat for a day it's never good enough. I'm chasing accomplishments but when I reach them instead of satisfaction, all I feel is "why couldn't you go another day?"

A lot of vegan YouTuber's have past struggles with ED's. It got me thinking...what's the connection here? They all are still thin and beautiful. Is it possible to feel more in control by further restricting your foods?

Note; I'm not in any way insinuating that vegans have eating disorders. But, for any of you who are/have been vegan, I'm wondering how a highly strict diet like veganism might translate into helping alleviate the stress of disordered thoughts?

I'm already a vegetarian. So, it feels like maybe if I cut out all dairy I can chase that "clean" feeling that restricting no longer gives me.

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[Rant/Rave] Binge today, fast tomorrow (pointless post)
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Tue Mar 21 17:02:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60r0ca/binge_today_fast_tomorrow_pointless_post/
---
Can't flair on mobile.

I've been so good at not binging and maintaining/restricting for a few weeks. Although I don't get my period anymore, I think it's that time in my cycle because yesterday and today I've been an eating machine (could also be stress...it's a bananas week LET ME TELL YA).

Kind of rolling with the punches and allows myself to drink and eat whatever I want as long as I start a 72 fast tomorrow. Fasts are always easier to start if I'm hungover and feel gross from eating anyway.

Sort of rambling, but whatever. I will take any and all of your sweet words and favorite thinspo you'd feel like sharing.

Love all of you in this community.

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[Rant/Rave] Food cycles, plus body/sex issues vent
/u/ehhhhnoo [5'5"|165|27.5|-88|F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 16:51:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60qy2d/food_cycles_plus_bodysex_issues_vent/
---
This is my first post here, so hey nice to meet you all! I don't know how to flair or whatever, I'm on mobile so I apologize for that!

Why do I go back and forth, cycling through all these eating issues, over and over? Tonight I hate myself and an in tears because I ate1000 calories. But for two years I ate too much and gained weight and didn't care enough to stop. Before that, I was into heavy lifting and eating enough to sustain muscle gains and was so fit and muscular (I could fit in a size 2 at 145 pounds then at. 5'5", my favorite version of my body I just can't seen to get back to after a serious injury...) And before that I was in a restricting cycle... And before that I was purging on the regular... And so on and so forth all the way back to being 12 years old (I'm30 now, like how am I still like this??) . I just want to eat normally, be happy, be a healthy weight and feel satisfied and like I, as a person, am enough.

This current restricting cycle was brought on by my boss hitting on me (20+ years older than I) and me not knowing how to handle. I still don't. I put myself in the situation, I went out drinking with him and a couple friends and also I am a naturally flirt person (or so I've been told) and never knew he was seriously interested in me. That night keeps replaying in my mind and I just feel like the stupidest most worthless person... Like part of me feels bad, I hate being told I've lead someone on just by being me. I've given into having sex strictly from that guilt before. I didn't this time thank goodness...

Now I'm restricting, hating myself, wishing I could be someone else, someone invisible who no one found attractive. I haven't shaved or even showered since(I had some time off work right after it happened and I haven't left my house.) But tomorrow I have to go back to work and see him and I'm really nervous about it. I want to go there just like this, smelly and gross and not giving a shit. But that can't happen and I know it. Just venting I guess, I know I'm probably over reacting but I have a lot of sex issues and this just brought them all up again. And I'm in my mirror just staring at my disgusting body wondering why the hell anyone would hit on my anyway???

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[Thinspo] [thinspo] those hip bones tho
/u/bitterorbetter [5'5| 140 | 23.3 | -20| F19]
Created: Tue Mar 21 16:29:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60qteu/thinspo_those_hip_bones_tho/
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https://i.redd.it/hgnbxb1x7umy.jpg

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[Intro] I'm back
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.4 17.9 | 22F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 16:22:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60qs8v/im_back/
---
Hey hey hey.

I asked for a few month ban from this sub to try and get my shit together, but fuck that, right? Haha.

So anyway, despite three months of pseudo-trying-to-recover-independently-but-mostly-just-trying-to-find-an-ed/life-balance-that-doesn't-make-me-wanna-die, I am back! Officially under that 18 bmi that I've been trying to crack forever, with a belly button piercing to celebrate the new weight bracket, newly engaged, and dreading that wedding dress wooooooo

That's all. I've been lurking throughout the last couple months and I know it's hard to remember usernames and stuff, so me "being back" probably doesn't mean anything, but hell, it feels good to be posting here again. Embrace me, edfam! (and please tell me I'm bony hahahaha ha ha)

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[Help] Overate for a week- will that affect my metabolism?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 14:38:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60q5nd/overate_for_a_week_will_that_affect_my_metabolism/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 14:23:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60q2bh/rant/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] I kind of want to cut off all of my hair.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 14:02:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60pxgw/i_kind_of_want_to_cut_off_all_of_my_hair/
---
It's the one thing about my body I *dont* hate. It's super long and thick and I love it.

...but it's gotta weigh a couple of pounds, right?

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[Rant/Rave] Being punished no matter what I do.
/u/Elope
Created: Tue Mar 21 13:48:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60puf8/being_punished_no_matter_what_i_do/
---
One of the things that frustrates me the most about disordered eating is the fact that no matter what I do, I end up suffering. Even if I do the ''right'' thing. For instance, logically I know that starving myself after a binge is counter-intuitive as it only feeds into the cycle. Yet when I force myself to eat something, it triggers more binging. It's so fucking frustrating that there's nothing I can do to escape my messed up mind.

I can eat that salad, with it's perfect macros and satiating components - but it doesn't matter. I will still want to binge after. What is the point of fighting if everything I do just winds up hurting me in the end? I used to be able to contend with eating in some kind of capacity, but recently I can't seem to do anything right.

I'm trying, I truly am. It's just so exhausting.

---

[Other] I've messed up my body and I'm happy
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 13:43:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ptbq/ive_messed_up_my_body_and_im_happy/
---
Hey all, can't flair I'm on mobile sorry.
Over the last few months I've been pretty sick and I can't catch a break it seems. I've had bronchial pneumonia, thrown my back out to the point where walking is agony and had to get rid of a possible worm problem and then other little things with these (I experienced my first migraine and it lasted for 5 days nonstop). I'm coming out of all of it now and I don't know why but I simply can't eat as much as I used to eat. If I consume more than a fist size amount of food I'll be in so much pain for hours. I got high a while ago and ate half a bag of chips in a binge and I had SO much regret lmao. I think I might have messed up my GI tract with all the meds I've been taking but I'm not sure. It's kinda sad but I'm pretty happy about this because I've already lost 6 pounds. Silver linings I guess

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant] I ruined everything!
/u/zarnaah [5'6 | 160.6 | 25.93 | -25lbs | female]
Created: Tue Mar 21 13:35:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60prnf/rant_i_ruined_everything/
---
Hey guys! Long time no see
Should really update my flair bc I gained five pounds but I refuse to believe it's more than water weight
Was 10lbs heavier than my flair yesterday afternoon, took some diuretics, laxatives, and way too much zantrex that I went to the nurse today at school and had to say it was the laxatives causing the cramps
Fuck me why did I let that out at least I said I do this like once a year once a week like I really do and she's calling my mom who's gonna yell at me for making myself sick to "skip school " and force me to eat 2,000+ calories a day and I should just jump off a bridge but I wouldn't want to die at this weight
Even my crush agreed I'd be way cuter -40lbs
Sorry for this rant but I needed to get this off my chest
Hope you guys are having a good day

---

[Discussion] identifying binge food
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 13:26:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ppel/identifying_binge_food/
---
so I threw out the bagels I just got, or rather what was left >.>

this has happened with bagels specifically before and I just realized its in part cause its no longer a "safe food." I didn't even know I had those. but bagels, dammit even the cheap store brand ones. they're the most angelic carbs.

so I was wondering what for you is a safe or unsafe food, and how you came about realizing it.

---

[Tip] Earth Balance Vegan Cheddar Squares❤
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 102.5lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 13:02:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60pjtk/earth_balance_vegan_cheddar_squares/
---
Guuuuuyyysssssss.
My local Krogers had them and ohmylawdy.

So if you don't know; I'm a hoe for cheese crackers, whether it be cheeze-its, goldfish, townhouse, it doesn't matter. They're my safest foods for some reason, and these vegan crackers are no exception. EXCEPT these crackers don't lump up and sit like a log in my stomach. They feel so light and taste so good! (Aftertaste is bleh but ignorable).

100cals/35crackers, or 600cals/box.
I'm in love. ❤❤❤

---

[Other] [other] Just a little pondering
/u/theobeseana
Created: Tue Mar 21 12:32:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60pd8u/other_just_a_little_pondering/
---
I wake up and make myself some toast. Then I pack a salad for lunch with a jello cup for a treat, and I plan what I'm making my family for dinner. I wonder if I really have an eating disorder after all.

Then I remember that I'm eating toast in my underwear because I'm only allowed to eat in private if I'm not wearing clothes so I have to stare at my body while I do it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Baby shower destroyed me. I binged.
/u/Size666 [5'8F | Walrus | -55lbs | UGW: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Mar 21 12:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60pcc7/baby_shower_destroyed_me_i_binged/
---
This weekend I had a bad binge. I went to a baby shower for my cousin and they had everything there. Platanos maduros, pernil, arroz con pollo... Just all the things I grew up binging on. Guys, I tried. I started out putting lettuce on my plate and one of my cousins laughs and says "wow Size666 okay, please stop kidding yourself" and threw a big spoonful of pasta with beef right on it. My sister made the pork shoulder, so of course, that got on my plate too. And the rice because I love rice. And the lasagna. And the plantains.

I don't even know how this plastic plate didn't collapse from the heap of food. I polished it off (to applause, I hate my family sometimes) and then I went back for seconds. Two heaping plates of fucking Dominican food. Of course no one batted an eye, everyone was just going back for more and more. I come from a big family and I don't just mean the number of people. All of us are BIG, so it's not uncommon for my aunts and cousins to eat out of control and notice if you skip having any food. People take it so personally, and seriously that food is delicious to me. Of course I had all of it without control. I hate myself.

By the way, this was like, 20 minutes before the mama-to-be cut the cake. Huge slices of Dulce de Leche cake (for those who have not been privy to this sugar bomb, it's basically layered cake with a caramel-type cream in between the layers). I had one and finally my body realized I should have stopped eating 4,000 bites ago.

I decided to leave before I keep eating and wouldn't you know, one of my aunts came out to give me a plate she packed for me - including another big ass slice of cake, and two cupcakes that my youngest cousin "worked so hard on." She goes "you look like you can't afford to eat anymore, are you okay?" and winks. Trust me, I won't look like that for long smh.

That was Saturday. On Sunday I woke up and polished off the plate I took home alone in my apartment without even thinking. All of the things I know to do when confronted with this kind of situation (make excuses for not eating, graciously taking the food and tossing it before I get home) went out the window this weekend. It's like I forgot how to be human as soon as I got around these people.

Needless to say I spent all of yesterday feeling so disgusted in myself and just hating myself for being so weak. I couldn't even log on to this sub. I feel like everyone here is so much stronger than I am and doing so much better than I am. I can't even break out of this stupid "overweight" BMI range.

I'll never hit my goal at this rate. I have so many high hopes for this summer and every time I binge, I watch them slip further and further out of reach. I don't know how to get away from binging anymore and I feel so stupid and disgusting.

Thanks for letting me rant. You guys are my sanity.

edited for clarity.

---

[Discussion] C/S works and it encourages me to do it more. Can't figure out if this is harmful?
/u/exmorbidly [5'7 | 169lbs | -111lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 11:30:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60oz4w/cs_works_and_it_encourages_me_to_do_it_more_cant/
---
So ever since I've started C/S behaviors, I've been terrified that I'm consuming more than I think and that my weight loss will stall. But the reality is, I've been C/Sing shit like donuts and little debby cakes and I still lose weight as if I wasn't doing it. So I really don't think it's affecting me much. I usually account for 10% of the calories I C/S. The only thing I'm really worried about at this point is getting cavities?

Has anyone else gained weight from C/S? Like not because it leads to a real binge, but just from purely C/S alone?

---

[Discussion] Reverse thinspo?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 10:53:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60oqvy/reverse_thinspo/
---
*Please* someone tell me they look at it, too. I feel so shitty about it. I feel like my ED brings out really mean personality traits.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] Eating at maintenance
/u/ultravi0lent [5' | CW: 180.2 lbs | SW: 211 | obese mess | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 10:11:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ohfh/discussion_eating_at_maintenance/
---
So I've got a few partys at the beginning of April: one on the 6th, one on the 7th and one on the 13th. I decided I'd stick with a lower cal. intake and more exercise from the week before the first party to a few days after the last one. I currently eat 400-500 cal. a day with exercise 4-5 times a week and I plan on going to ~350 cal.

On the three days I've got party, I thought I'd be fine with eating at maintenance (mine is 1800 cal. so it will be easy for me!) bc of the alcohol calories. I need reassurance - it's impossible to gain actual fat even if I go from a very large deficit to maintenance, right? If I weight myself somewhere around the 16th, should I get my actual weight?

Thank you all 💞💞

---

[Rant/Rave] My best friend's new boyfriend [rant]ish
/u/syntheticseasalt
Created: Tue Mar 21 09:36:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60o9yc/my_best_friends_new_boyfriend_rantish/
---
is so fucking skinny. I'm a girl and i don't ever get jealous of guy's bodies. But he. Is. So. Thin. I know he is "naturally" thin, not ED, but holy shit do i feel inadequate next to him! Too bad bulimia is probably going to kick in and i'll probably continue to binge, but really i just want to see how much smaller than him i can get.

Motivation for the week, i suppose!

---

[Intro] I'm back... or at least I want to be
/u/supersizetrainwreck [5'9 | CW 140.3lb | 20.35 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 08:46:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60nzf7/im_back_or_at_least_i_want_to_be/
---
Hey there guys and gals. I don't know if any of you remember me but I was very active on this sub about 6-9 months ago. I then started treatment and decided that it was best to leave in order to help heal my mind. It worked, but not because I left this sub. Basically I realized that I was only getting worse and the entire issues stemmed from my abusive relationship, so after trying for almost three years and not getting any reciprocation I dumped him. From that moment forward I spent a week or two feeling great and being in control of my eating, and then I started binging again and I can't seem to control myself. I always felt incredibly supported here and un-judged so I've decided that I want to come back. I want to get my over eating in check and start going back the other way. I want to feel empty again, and thin. I gained back 20 lbs that I lost and even though I thought I maybe went a little too low to look healthy at the end there, I only wanted to gain back 5 max. So here I am. I know I'm not in the same mindset as before, in good ways and bad, but I'm hoping being here motivates me to keep my stupid mouth shut and stop eating so many damn calories! Just for an example my day yesterday consisted of coffee w/ splenda, an everything bagel with whipped peanut butter and strawberry jelly, salad with balsamic vinaigrette, a piece of mushroom and brie quiche, a handful of trail mix (craisins, chocolate covered craisins, chocolate covered espresso beans, almonds), a burger with mushrooms and swiss, fries, a sandwich (a roll with cracked pepper turkey, tomato, lettuce, mayo, olives, avocado, and american cheese), rice pudding, a cinnamon roll, and raspberry lime seltzer. What's ridiculous is that the seltzer, burger, sandwich, fries, pudding, and cinnamon roll were all for dinner and I didn't even feel the pain of being too full like I normally do... my body is getting fucking used to it that's how fucked I am again. I'd gladly take any suggestions, but I'm just here to say hi again! Thanks for listening and I'm crossing my fingers I can do this.

---

[Discussion] Do you have a separate account for ED stuff? What kind of subreddits are you subscribed to?
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 08:07:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60nrsi/do_you_have_a_separate_account_for_ed_stuff_what/
---
I'm subscribed to

* /r/fatlogic
* /r/proed
* /r/wholesomememes
* /r/gifrecipes
* /r/thinspo
* /r/proedmemes
* /r/kpop

---

[Tip] UK and Aussie vegan find!
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Tue Mar 21 07:34:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60nlj2/uk_and_aussie_vegan_find/
---
at Woolworths I found Linda McCartney's [vegan sausages](http://www.lindamccartneyfoods.co.uk/our-food/frozen-range/vegetarian-sausages/) and they are honestly pretty darn good. They are 80 calories each, quite salty and honestly intimidatingly greasy but would work with something a bit fresh like some greens on the side. They are pretty great for what they are, I don't usually like mock meats and I've been staying away from packaged food the past few days but my mum bought these for me when I moved into my new place and I just tried them. Thought I'd share because I've seen quite a few vegos on this sub.

---

[Rant/Rave] I need to just rant.
/u/082616 [5' 6.5"/132/22/F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 07:17:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60niid/i_need_to_just_rant/
---
I hate my thighs. They have gotten bigger. I hate them so much. I hate that I can feel how fat they are. I hate how I can SEE that they have gotten bigger. I hate how due to PMS I bought two things of chips ahoy and two things of ice cream last night, BUT, I've already decided I'm going to throw away the ice cream because if I didn't it would just add to my thighs and butt, which is another thing I hate.

I hate how I work 5-7 hours almost daily and thought that standing instead of sitting on my ass or laying down in bed would help me lose weight?? No, it doesn't, why would it when all I'm doing is standing and barely walking around?? I want motivation. I need motivation. But when you are dealing with depression and now PMS, it's totally lost, like it is every day, every month.

I hate that my skinny jeans don't look skinny on me anymore. They just show how big my thighs are. I hate how when I sit down my thighs just spread out all over the chair. I hate that my thighs touch. I hate how I wasted money last night when my PMS was so strongly getting to me and I let it win.

I already ate 3 cookies and I'm pretty sure 2 Snickers cripsers today. It's only 9:30. That's good and bad. Yeah. I should get new pants for work. They need to be black and "dressy" but to go shopping would cause me to go into a guaranteed breakdown, so no thanks. I hate looking in the mirror at my body. I hate being undressed and catching a glimpse of my stomach, waist, arms, thighs, etc. Why can't my period just start???

I plan on just drinking water for the rest of the day. And having low-cal tv dinners with just water on my break when I work from now on. And if I'm really low on energy having those cheap 5 hour energy shots help. I'd rather starve away the fat and weight than exercise. I mean damn, after working all day the last thing I want to do is exercise.

I am just a mess. I have no one either to help me or to vent to. A few days ago in my journal I just wrote "I'd rather be hungry." Then later that day I ate, then the day after that and the day after that.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] What's your motivation today?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 06:41:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ncg5/discussion_whats_your_motivation_today/
---
A lot of us have a million little (or big) things that motivate us, but what's the one that's keeping you going today?

Mine are the fact that it's not hot outside but I'm boiling, I need to lose weight so that I don't die of heat exhaustion come summer, and the fact that when I put my jeans on a minute ago, which btw are 3 sizes bigger than my ideal size, they felt really tight.

---

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A March 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 21 06:14:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60n82o/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_march_21_2017/
---

Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 21, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 21 06:14:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60n81h/daily_food_diary_march_21_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 21, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm having a desperately hard time trusting CICO.
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Tue Mar 21 06:09:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60n740/im_having_a_desperately_hard_time_trusting_cico/
---
I have to increase calories. It's time. I've been strict under 600, closer to 400, most days because I way overestimate. I'm tired, and almost nonfunctional. I binged my way past the the first 2 pounds of water/food weight, so I'm ready to do about 1000-1200 calories a day. But motherfucking hell am I having a hard time accepting that.

P.S. does anyone else count their "real weight" and "water/food" weight in separate catergories? I fast, use lax, and dehydrate to find out what *I* weigh, and then when I rehydrate count that as my "fake weight."

---

[Help] DAE restrict as a form of self-harm?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 21 02:55:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60mi2h/dae_restrict_as_a_form_of_selfharm/
---
I do. Cutting has stopped working. So restricting is all I have. It's honestly my number one coping skill, and my therapist said today that she thinks I should hold on to it until I move out of my parents' house because of how bad it is here.

I want to stop feeling. And I kind of want to die.

---

[Discussion] purposely changing scale display?
/u/pallormortem [5'6" | CW: 120lbs | GW:100 | 18M]
Created: Tue Mar 21 01:02:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60m5t8/purposely_changing_scale_display/
---
so, the only scales i have access to are analog scales. all my experience with them have been them saying i weigh LESS than i do, and then i go to the doctors or a friends house and weigh and panic because i think i weighed less before but i really didnt.

i 'solved' this by changing my scale to read at least 5 pounds heavier than it would normally or, if its not mine, tack on an extra few pounds and treating it like the number the scale read.

like, i love seeing the scale read a smaller number, it has me walking on a cloud for the rest of the day if it goes unchallenged (until i eat more than 200cal in a sitting i mean), but knowing its probably innacurate makes me anxious af and feel fatter, wanting to restrict lower and purge more, where as if it happened to make me seem heavier when im not, there wouldnt be those mini breakdown moments in other peoples loo when i find out in REALITY im still a whale. i want to get a digital scale soon, i trust them a bit better.

does anyone else do something similar if you know your scale is off, but not by how much, or its mildly unpredictable?

---

[Discussion] Best calorie counting app?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 21 00:56:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60m55j/best_calorie_counting_app/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Learned about OSFED today
/u/yougotmefeelinghigh
Created: Tue Mar 21 00:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60m1kp/learned_about_osfed_today/
---
I never liked EDNOS because it felt too general. It was like I didn't fit in with group 1 or group 2 or group 3, so I got lumped up with all the other misfits and unwanteds. I know that's not how it really is on paper, but that's how I felt. Now having read about OSFED and what all it encompasses, I feel more comfortable saying I fit into that category.

I ate 571 calories just now and it feels like there's a block in my throat. I'm not going to purge because it wasn't enough food and it's really not worth it. I'm just going to suck it up and be uncomfortable for a while. I hate myself whenever I eat anything. It doesn't matter if it's cake or a simple green salad, it still makes me worry. I'm always counting numbers and keeping track of my weight and where the fat on my body is distributing. The number on the scale has risen quite a few since my lowest, but when I look in the mirror I don't see the same body I did a year ago. There are bones more defined now, muscles that are more healthy, curves in flattering places and clearer skin. How could I admit my mental illness is a problem when how I look now compared to a year ago makes me feel too high to come down, but then again isn't that statement what's wrong in the first place?

---

[Tip] I made a sub just for proED memes
/u/w-a-m-s
Created: Mon Mar 20 23:40:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lvoj/i_made_a_sub_just_for_proed_memes/
---
(mods remove if this isn't allowed)
But yeah, title. It's called /r/ProEDmemes and it's for people who like memes but feel uncomfortable making a ton of jokes on serious subreddits, or where it's not allowed. I like meme sundays but I'm also meme garbage and can't wait that long, also it's worth telling you that I've never made a sub before so things might be a little shaky at first but I'll do my best to keep things transparent and functional. This won't be a second r/beautyguruchat I promise. Come on over dudes.

---

[Help] Just sort of feel like death
/u/Peachfae [5'5" | 119.6 | 20 | -21 | f]
Created: Mon Mar 20 22:09:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lj1s/just_sort_of_feel_like_death/
---
I don't think help is even possible for me.

I'm currently in recovery and I've never felt so suicidal in my life. I feel like every day is impossible and so unbelievably unfulfilling and tiring for no reason. I honestly think about suicide every night. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm recovering to help myself not feel so shitty but my life is so empty without restriction and purging and numbers. I have nothing to live for. I haven't self harmed in years and that's all this month has been.

I feel like i can't live with an ed, can't live without it.

---

[Other] Butter Fingers (Poetry)
/u/chaoticclare [5'1.5 | HW:155 | CW: ? | GW: 110]
Created: Mon Mar 20 21:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lfte/butter_fingers_poetry/
---
When I was seventeen my thighs and stomach shrunk thin in pursuit to grasp something I wasn’t even sure was there; my father boasted about my discipline.
I was told I had done so well.

When I was eighteen my bones began to bud from under my skin like weeds from a gutter; my unwavering denial kept me from understanding the worry of those around me.
My mother said I looked like a victim of war.

When I moved away and collapsed without my cemented routine, my skin scarred purple as I rapidly expanded. I hid in my room and pretended not to hear them knocking.
My roommate didn’t want to come home anymore.

I grew to find that physical and mental recovery were not to be found together. Not under the countless wrappers I’d tear into at night, finding them again strewn across the floor in the morning.
Like Charlie looking for his ticket to the chocolate factory, only I never found gold.

---

[Help] what would you do for my nails? (tw nails?)
/u/Suusss [\\ 5'6" // cw110.45 \\ //]
Created: Mon Mar 20 21:48:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lfpa/what_would_you_do_for_my_nails_tw_nails/
---
I get those weird waves (?) which I think are probably compression or stress, i dont know - I have never been to a nail-hand-heath person. I am cold all of the time, at any weight, and it affects my hands, which are cold and white all the time !and my hand are actually always intolerably sweaty (anxiety) - So my hands aren't exactly dry and unhealthy, but lately.. they've been.. not bouncing back. I have oral fixation aS fUcK and Im the only one I know who bites them~


* tdlr What do you do for your nails when you've (anxiously) bitten them your whole life and what nutrients have any of y'all noticed they are deficient in?

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[Rant/Rave] Ate a bunch of Indian food with whiskey, purged half of it, ate two strings of cheese and a bunch of almonds.
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Mon Mar 20 21:41:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lehd/ate_a_bunch_of_indian_food_with_whiskey_purged/
---
Just a normal Monday night.

---

[Other] Don't know whether to laugh or cry
/u/Princess_FudderDudd
Created: Mon Mar 20 21:24:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lbu1/dont_know_whether_to_laugh_or_cry/
---
My FWB/boyfriend/idk came over today. For some context, we've been seeing each other for almost two years, and we're really close. He's seen pictures of me at my biggest, and he's been super supportive of me losing weight but always makes me feel beautiful the way I am. But today, damn, he did something that shocked me so much I can only laugh about it.

I've had a bad few weeks- had finals and got stuck in a binge cycle. This weekend was especially bad, I visited home and literally ate for two entire days straight. Today I was wearing a super tight tank top and shorts in my apartment, and my fwb comes up, hugs me, and we have this exchange:

Him: you look so good

Me: haha don't say that, I ate SO much food this weekend!

Him: I know, I can tell. That's why I said you looked good. *Reaches between us mid hug and fucking JIGGLES MY STOMACH FAT*

I was so fucking stunned I didn't even respond, and he goes on to talk about​ how he's glad to hear I ate good food and had a good time at home. Even worse, this was after we had sex and he saw me in all my jiggly stomach glory. Which is probably when he noticed I "looked good", aka fat.

If this was anyone else I'd shoo them out of my apartment and then jump off my balcony, but since it's him and we have so I much history I've just been laughing about it ever since. Like, who does that lol.

---

Rough weekend caused a low binge. How do I stop?
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Mon Mar 20 21:20:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60lb2j/rough_weekend_caused_a_low_binge_how_do_i_stop/
---
Basically, St. Patrick's Day fucked everyone up. That wasn't a surprise. I knew that I would be in high restriction because of the alcohol I was drinking, and I planned for that. I did well on Friday, I had some sushi so I could have the rice to help soak up the alcohol. But Saturday, and Sunday, I ended up eating so much food! Lots of chocolate. Saturday I had 1000 cal, Sunday I think I had nearly 2000!

And I didn't exercise either day.

But hey! It was a holiday. I thought I'd be fine.

But nope. Today, monday. I was counting on myself today, to get back on track. New week, new start. Nope. I think I had over 1000 cals today too!

Good lord. How do I stop this? I don't eat until I'm very hungry at dinner, in the hope that I'll stop eating by going to sleep. But now I just can't control myself. These binges aren't really all that bad by themselves, but so many high days in a row is going to fuck me up big time!

Flair: rant/rave for sure

---

[Discussion] Has anyone ever had weight-related surgery?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 99 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 21:05:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60l8ov/has_anyone_ever_had_weightrelated_surgery/
---
Pretty much what the title says- has anyone had surgery or a cosmetic procedure done to lose weight or feel thinner? Things like liposuction, coolsculpt, breast reduction surgery? On the one hand I feel like it would make me feel so much better about the parts of my body I hate the most, but on the other hand it sort of feels like cheating for me personally? So I was curious to hear if you guys had thoughts and experiences with it.

---

[Other] I let one slip.
/u/Myuuji [172 | 48.7 | 16.32 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 20:37:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60l3ug/i_let_one_slip/
---
Me and a friend of mine were talking about weights and stuff and I accidentally said "Yeah well my judgement of height to bodyweight is kinda disordered at this point"

_STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID_

I should not have said that.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate my very Latinaish body
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 20:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60l3i8/i_hate_my_very_latinaish_body/
---
I'm just naturally curvy - big butt and thighs despite not weighing much and having killer collarbones and little wrists. I look up Latina thinspo but all I find are models that don't look thin at all - just voluptious and sexy. I don't wanna look sexy at all. I want to be cute and fragile. :(

---

[Help] Distract me please... im so close to binging
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 20:28:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60l27k/distract_me_please_im_so_close_to_binging/
---
Mobile no flare

Well i relapsed on the B+P cycle recently... fuck. I was back up to 125 from 115 last july... hadn't been weighing myself, hadn't been working out, hadn't been watching my intake... smoking too much weed and binging like there was no tomorrow.

I'm sitting on my couch trying to distract myself from my refrigerator. Fuck fuck fuck.

I got a smart scale. I got back on MFP... got back to 122 this week. Help. I can't keep my head on straight.

Fuck.

I can't focus on anything else.

I feel like i should just go to sleep and forget about the rest of the day.

Make it stop.

---

[Discussion] Have any of you gotten financial advantages in life once you hit below a 20 BMI?
/u/BlackHairedBloodElf [5' 2" | CW: 100 | GW: 99 | 18.3 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 20:26:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60l1xi/have_any_of_you_gotten_financial_advantages_in/
---
I keep hearing how thinner women get free stuff, better jobs, etc, and I am wondering if any of you have noticed any advantages after hitting below a 20 BMI. I picked "below 20" since that seems to be where porn star BMIs are at, and people consider them attractive.

(I may put my own input as a comment later on after a few responses show up.)

Here's an [example article](http://www.yourtango.com/20086364/pretty-people-get-free-things) that explains sort of what advantages I'm asking about.

---

[Rant/Rave] First "real" day of restricting in a while...
/u/strawberrysweeet [5'11 | CW:165.4lbs | UGW:120 | 19F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 19:59:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60kwsu/first_real_day_of_restricting_in_a_while/
---
and my suite mate made rice crispy treats and left them out in the suite area, untouched. I'm really fucking weak when it becomes to binging, to the point where I avoid the dining hall now to avoid binge temptation. But it turns out I can't avoid food in my own "home" even. Rice Crispy Treats are my favorite. But I know if I eat one I'll feel like a failure and binge.

Excuse me while I sip on my diet coke and cry.

---

[Discussion] Makeover
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Mon Mar 20 19:45:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ku0z/makeover/
---
Hi everyone! I'm gender fluid, but I still care about how I look, I've saved up some "restriction reward points" over the last few months and I'd like to spend them on a summer makeover. I'm curious what everyone does to their look (boy, girls and those of us that are other please feel free to respond) to get ready for summer (beside lose another 15 Lbs, that's a given). What's the latest hair trends? Cuts and colors? What about body piercings? Tattoos? Jewelry? Clothes? Shoes? I wanna hear it all!!!

---

PSMF
/u/rippleoftime
Created: Mon Mar 20 19:43:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ktm7/psmf/
---
[removed]

---

[Help] how long after pregnancy did you lose the weight?
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 19:25:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60kq9v/how_long_after_pregnancy_did_you_lose_the_weight/
---
i'll be 39 weeks pregnant on wednesday. this little boy will be here any day, and i'm so ready to have my body back. i've heard that some women lose 20 or so pounds in the first week, but i don't expect that. baby itself will be 8ish lbs, so losing 10 in the first week would be nice.

i'm 5'7 (or 5'6 3/4 depending on the time of day because of my scoliosis) and currently 145 lbs -- by far the highest i've ever been. i'm okay with this to be healthy for my little boy.

i plan on breastfeeding, so hopefully that helps. i'm just curious to hear y'all's stories. did your weight drop off quickly? did you restrict while breastfeeding? i'm going to restrict some, but i don't want it to affect my breastmilk production, so i can't fast or do anything crazy.

i'd like to be ~100 lbs by the time i go back to work (10 weeks after giving birth), but i'm not sure that's doable.

---

[Discussion] [Rant] DAE only purge a little bit?
/u/theobeseana
Created: Mon Mar 20 19:12:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60kny0/rant_dae_only_purge_a_little_bit/
---
After large binges I'll always purge until basically nothing comes up.

But, I also find myself purging just a bit to feel better sometimes.

Like if I slightly overeat at a restaurant by eating an appetizer I hadn't calculated for, or have a snack I wasn't planning to eat that day, I'll purge until I think I SEE about that many calories come up, and then I stop.

I feel crazy because of how much I immediately feel better after doing that, it's like I didn't even b/p and I was in control and stayed right at my daily limit?

Idrk how to explain it but it just happened at a restaurant and I needed to vent. It makes me feel like I'm not actually disordered because I have the ability to stop myself.

---

[Goal] SHE FUCKING NOTICED OMG
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Mon Mar 20 19:06:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60kmpm/she_fucking_noticed_omg/
---
So I'm not scared to say it, part of the reason I fell into this had to do with a friend I lost. We got into a huge fight that I honestly felt was so out of turn, I felt really betrayed and shitty. Not saying that I did nothing wrong but I didn't feel the reaction was justified at all. So I felt kind of thrown to the curb by this person and was left in a bubble of isolation and self-hatred. Then started the ED, because not only was I (in my mind) making my life better by losing weight but it also meant that I could really show this person just how great I could have it without them. I always had this scenario in my head where I was out in public loving life at my UGW when I'd run into this ex-friend and they'd be fifty shades of shook by how great I looked.

Well, today was the first time in a long time that I poked my head out of the cage of isolation I built myself. Finally made my presence known online again. And I get a comment from this person, a totally kind not rude or baiting comment, telling me that I look amazing and that my face looks super slim!

I feel really validated right now. I've kind of been falling off the wagon lately, haven't lost weight in the last month (thank god I haven't gained any back, though) but this honestly made me really happy. Like yeah, the hard work is paying off.

Now my goal is to make myself happy, not to make someone else jealous.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just made a protein lump/cake/thing.. It's weird and glorious.
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Mon Mar 20 17:48:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60k7ft/i_just_made_a_protein_lumpcakething_its_weird_and/
---
Bwahahaha *~evil scientist laugh~*.

So I'm supposed to be fasting today and most of the week, to make the most of my 'perfect conditions' (lol). But I'm sitting here with a suspected broken toe after bashing it last night, had to miss out on running tonight and missed seeing my buddies, miserable and hungry.

I decided to say screw it to total fasting, and get a Beltsander Brownie before bed - toe needs extra energy to heal, right? Anyway, if you've never had one, a Beltsander Brownie is just chocolate protein powder, sweetener, and baking powder mixed with water to make a 'batter', then nuked in the microwave until all cake-y. You can use different flavours too to make different kind of mug cakes (I love Bakewell flavour!), and put in different additions like peanut butter or real chocolate chips. They're amazing even just as is, though - low cal, filling, and dat protein!

I opened my protein powder box and spot an old 'sample packet' that's nearing it's best before date. It really needed using, and was not resealable because it was some cheapo sample packet. It's 125g worth of protein powder though.. 5 servings. It was at this point, curiosity overwhelmed me. Not even hunger, just sheer curiosity.

Beltsander Brownies are usually made with one serving of protein powder, which is around 25-30g. I grabbed a large microwaveable bowl, and poured the whole 125g in. Baking powder goes in too (taking into account ratios ofc). I didn't even bother to sweeten it or put in any other additions/flavours. I was too desperate to see how it turned out. Add water until it was the right consistency.. then I nuked it.

It grew HUGGEEEE in the microwave.. it reached the top! I got a little scared. I kept checking it and took it out the moment it was the least bit firm, even if a bit soggy around the edges, because I didn't want to leave it too long.. it was growing. And scary.

So.. the 'cake'...

It's literally just a huge lump of protein, lmao. It's really dry mostly, despite actually being slightly undercooked and goopy around the edges. Very VERY dense, the texture is like the dryest, most dense bread ever. Not cakey or brownie-like at all - you have to tear at it, Viking-style. Flavour is okay, most of the chocolate-yness disappeared and it's mostly just that protein taste, but it's alright. Edible. Ish.

I ate about half in a sitting before I simply couldn't carry on - which is insane for me, I might restrict but I can pack down the biggest portions of things easy. I'm currently using all my strength to tear bits off of this rock and nibble it whilst watching Netflix. I'm not sure if I can finish this, but it's so fascinating, I wanna try. I suppose my guts will thank me for not being able to eat it all in one go.

~500 calories, 120g protein. So filling that it's taking me more than one sitting, and that's bizarre for me. Dry and dense, but that seems to make it EXCEEDINGLY satisfying to eat - definitely 'hits the sides'. I'm definitely going to try this again if I get bingey/extreme hunger hits.

My glorious Frankenstein's Monster protein lump cake....

*~lightning cracks, further deranged laughing~*

(Edit: I actually bet this would be amazing if you stuck some peanut butter or nutella in it, and perhaps some choc chips, to lend it some moisture and flavour.. worth keeping in mind, too)

---

[Discussion] Anyone else afraid of "normal" meals?
/u/silkangels
Created: Mon Mar 20 17:43:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60k6el/anyone_else_afraid_of_normal_meals/
---
I can only ever eat prepackaged snacks/meals (except for vegetables) or there's like a 98% chance I'll binge. I get unreasonably anxious if I have to eat a legit meal, like pasta with sauce or something. I also don't like mixing food if that makes sense? For example if i have no other choice I'll eat the damn pasta but I'll leave the sauce on the side and slowly eat a piece of pasta at a time, then get back to the sauce....why am i like this. 🙃

---

Blood sugar
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 20 17:33:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60k48s/blood_sugar/
---
[deleted]

---

[Help] Okay I could've saved this question for Saturday but
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 17:21:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60k1vh/okay_i_couldve_saved_this_question_for_saturday/
---
It's really stupid and I was in SUPER BINGE MODE (complete with cape) and was far away from consulting you lovelies. If 3 tblspoons of unpopped amish white popcorn is 110 calories is made WITHOUT adding anything, it is still 110 cals right? No bullshit labeling. Just because I cooked it I won't turn into a whale and it is suddenly 330 or something? I know this is so dumb but I'm about to cook 4 tablespoons (GASP!) And it's got me a little nuts...

---

[Rant/Rave] Three weeks of binging
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 20 17:07:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60jz1f/three_weeks_of_binging/
---
[deleted]

---

[Tip] Low calorie, low carb, low fat, low sodium fried rice recipe.
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 16:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60jkrt/low_calorie_low_carb_low_fat_low_sodium_fried/
---
* 164g cooked wild rice - 166 calories/35g carbs/0.6g fat/4.9mg sodium
* 1 tsp canola oil - 40 calories/0g carbs/4.5g fat/0mg sodium
* 1 tsp lime juice - 0 calories/0g carbs/0g fat/0mg sodium
* 5g Sriracha sauce - 5 calories/1g carbs/0g fat/80mg sodium
* 2g nutritional yeast - 3 calories/0.63g carbs/0.06g fat/0.63mg sodium
* Total: 214 calories/36g carbs/5.16g fat/85.53mg sodium

-

1. Heat pan over high. Add oil until it spreads easily over the entire pan.
2. Add cooked wild rice. Stir so that the oil coats the rice. Keep stirring for a couple minutes to sufficiently fry.
3. Mix together Sriracha and lime juice. Add to rice and stir to incorporate.
4. Add nutritional yeast, and mix thoroughly to incorporate.
5. Enjoy!

I hope this isn't terrible formatting, I'm on mobile.

So, lately I've been craving a good fried rice, and this hits all the spots! It's filling, tangy, and spicy. The nutritional yeast also mimics the taste of eggs really well. If you wanted to, you could even eat it as a snack by halving the recipe. I had it for dinner tonight.

**Edit:** Also, there's 8g of protein! (7g - wild rice, 1g - nutritional yeast)

---

Immediate relief
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Mon Mar 20 15:49:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60jicu/immediate_relief/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Why did I agree to go out with a friend?
/u/throwaway240xah
Created: Mon Mar 20 15:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60j87w/why_did_i_agree_to_go_out_with_a_friend/
---
On mobile so if somebody could flair this as a rant then please do

So after a good two weeks of restricting really good (under 350 cals per day) my friend from college decided that we should skip and watch a movie. First of all, I was already getting worried as I know for a fact that this particular friend loves eating out and would often offer me food (and yay good for me as I have not given in the temptation) but I have started realising that I have been secluding myself from friends when it comes to going out because I literally feel so fucking terrified of eating MORE than what I'm supposed to, so I went fuck it I will go watch a movie with her and try and not fuck shit up.

And guess what, after the movie we went to an Italian restaurant and obviously, I ate. I ate a total's worth of 600 calories in that restaurant so I ate 750 calories today in total (total cals from earlier today) and got so panicky and couldn't wait to go home as I felt the sudden urge to purge.

Thankfully my mum was home so I couldn't exactly purge so I decided that I was going to exercise it all out. I exercised a total of 500 calories today and I STILL FEEL SO FUCKING BAD.

As much as I want to tell myself that it is okay to go over my limit sometimes I couldn't help but feel like shit :-(

Please tell me it's okay to not worry about this and that I'm not alone

---

What is everyone's exercise regimen?
/u/miraclecoffee [5"4 | CW 115 | 20 lost | GW 100]
Created: Mon Mar 20 13:40:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60iphv/what_is_everyones_exercise_regimen/
---
[removed]

---

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Mon Mar 20 13:28:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60imtt/daily_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/pl6l50is6mmy.jpg

---

[Goal] Nurse was jealous of me at my appointment today
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'9.5" | 124 | 17.66 | -59 | F 🌻]
Created: Mon Mar 20 13:09:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60iijz/nurse_was_jealous_of_me_at_my_appointment_today/
---
So I went to a new doctor for the first time. When my nurse weighed me, it read 131 due to clothes and food/water, and she laughed and said "I remember those days." After she measured my height she was surprised that I am taller than her (an inch or so), and as we came back into the room said "you're taller than me and weigh less" and I had no idea what to say. I ended up laughing (nervously lol) and saying that my boobs were all padding so that probably explains it.

But like holy shit my nurse was jealous of *MY* body is this real life? Idk even how to feel emotions rn

---

[Rant/Rave] ED Brain Struggles.
/u/babyjunimo [5'5 | CW 101 | BMI 17.00 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 13:08:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60iia6/ed_brain_struggles/
---
Usually I have a very manic outlook about my ED. Like, I feel really, really good when I eat less. The less I eat/more I fast the more energy I have mentally, even if I can't get out of bed physically.

Today it just feels so hopeless though.

I'm not losing fast enough. I wanted to hit a new goal by my vacation 20 days from now, and according to losertown I'll just make it but...it doesn't feel like enough to just hit it on the dot. I wanted to lose more.

I guess right now it seems like, how does anyone recover?

How do people lose weight normally? If I eat once every other day and barely lose, how are there people out there eating at their TDEE every day and maintaining/losing?

Logically, I understand that at my pace I could lose in months what takes normal people years. But it doesn't feel that way sometimes...I don't know what I expected, to be at my goal over night?

I guess it just feels like it's so draining sometimes, fighting the urge to try to eat three times a day...but if I'm not losing fast enough doing this, there's no way I wouldn't gain doing that.

---

[Discussion] I'm attempting recovery and I've run into the most BIZARRE trigger. Can anyone relate?
/u/1223715
Created: Mon Mar 20 13:04:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ihci/im_attempting_recovery_and_ive_run_into_the_most/
---
Disclaimer: I was previously /u/fckk on this subreddit (if anyone remembers me) and I was heavily active for 3 years on this subreddit. I <3 and miss you guys. I deleted my account for 'recovery' about 2 months ago or so. "Recovery" has been.......difficult every single day and I feel like I relapse about 20 times a DAY. It's exhausting.

HOWEVER, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT. I'm trying not to post to this subreddit but sometimes I have strong thoughts that I know only this subreddit would understand. So here I am.

So I'm 24 years old, 120lbs, 5'4. Lowest weight was 114lbs. Highest weight was 150lbs. I work as a therapeutic support for kids with autism in an elementary school.

One of my biggest relapse triggers are the bodies of the elementary age girls here. I mean from first-third grade. Before I decided to genuinely attempt recovery, I used to spend hours looking at thinspo and bonespo (even though I'm more into fitspo, bonespo was kind of like a guilty pleasure). WELL SHIT, ever since I deleted all my archives of thinspo, my brain looks at the tiny, boney bodies of these little girls and triggers me to want to have that "swallowed in my outfits" look. Their clothes hang off their bodies and they wear giant boots with leggings and baggy dresses. Idk idk idk, it's just so triggering and that's SO bizarre.

It also proves to me how "fucked" it is that I wanted to achieve such a thin body. It's literally the body of a child. And I'm a woman. So although it's triggering, it's also proof that that type of body is pre-pubescent and I'm a WOMAN so why would I want that? I should embrace my age and my curves.

Idk, SUCH A WILD MIX OF EMOTIONS AND TRIGGERS AND OMG RECOVERY IS THE HARDEST THING, LIKE AM I EVEN RECOVERING? I HAVE NO IDEA.

Thanks for listening

---

[Discussion] Long Terms Users of EC Stacks, what are your results?
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | "in BND recovery" | GW: 115 | 19F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 13:03:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ih6q/long_terms_users_of_ec_stacks_what_are_your/
---
I quit using EC stack in the summer right before school started because the effect had worn off. I started it again, and my focus and urge to eat have vanished. I'm a couple of days in and eat once a day, not counting calories, and already have lost 10lbs. I'm assuming this is mostly water weight but I drink about 4L of water a day and walk about 5 miles a day.

I don't want the effects to stop at this rate, so I'm cycling it every 6 hours, on and off. I only eat have the choice to eat after 6 hours.

So for those who have been doing it awhile, how has EC stacking effected your weight? Good or bad?

---

[Rant/Rave] Coming back home from vacation and realizing how depressing "home" is really sucks. [Rant/Rave]
/u/HighEmma [5'7"| CW 154lb | GW 125lb | 20F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 12:42:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60icgj/coming_back_home_from_vacation_and_realizing_how/
---
Forewarning, I'm a huge self loathing crybaby in this post so don't read if you want to be cheerful, hah.

I live in a small college town, the college I dropped out of. I share a cute little apartment with my boyfriend so I can't really complain about that. Posted yesterday about blowing my weight loss over spring break but at least now I'm back to restricting. Gonna try water fasting for 48 hours to get myself back in the groove.

But fuck man... just being here makes me feel bad. I feel like everyone in this town is so beautiful and thin. It's considered one of the "most attractive student body" schools and everyone is so active and lovely on campus while I just sit at home or go to my shitty job.

My friend wants to hang out now that I'm back in town but really I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for weeks, without eating, long enough until I can look at myself in the mirror and not be completely disappointed. I want to leave. I want to move far away where no one knows me and I can go back to school without worrying constantly that I'm not good enough.

And bless my poor boyfriend. I love him more than anything and we really are perfect for each other, but he's struggling with actual horrible depression. He's at least back in school with only a few months to graduate but he's in a pretty bad rut too. I feel like sometimes we unintentionally make it harder for each other.

It's just so shitty ya know. A week at the beach with no worries, no stress from school or work, just us doing our thing. And now that I'm back, that we're back, it's so obvious how much our "home" brings us down. I'm back to hating my body. He's back to hating... well from what I can gather, his life. It's like night and day. At least we have each other though, I try not to take that for granted.

Sorry for the pity party. I don't really know where else I can go to vent about this. I love you guys, all of you. I think I just caught a case of the Mondays. Have a lovely week y'all, make the most of it. 💕

---

[Help] Grocery shopping tonight..
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 20 12:36:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ib3k/grocery_shopping_tonight/
---
[removed]

---

[Other] Hanging out with friends
/u/borrow_our_light [5'6| 132.2lbs | 21.42 BMI | GW 125 | UGW 115 | 20F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 11:37:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60hxs9/hanging_out_with_friends/
---
I love hanging out with my friends, they are super supportive and amazing people. There are three of us, a transguy, his girlfriend and myself. Now we are all super open with each other so they know that I struggle with an eating disorder and the other girl in the group use to struggle with one. We all go to the gym to stay fit the "healthy" way, they don't really know I'm not recovered.

We last night we all decided to get wasted at my place, my guy friend decided to tell us how much he loved us and that if we started loosing weight in an unhealthy way he would beat our asses. He told me I was already to small to be loosing any more weight, and I was like dude... I plan on loosing 25 more pounds.

And now they are making me go out to eat with them today. I love them don't get me wrong, but things like this make it hard.


On mobil can't flair

---

[Rant/Rave] I was recently diagnosed
/u/mary_joan [Height 5'7 | CW 107| BMI | Weight Lost | Gender f]
Created: Mon Mar 20 11:28:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60hvoc/i_was_recently_diagnosed/
---
Hi, so I was recently diagnosed with severe anorexia. It's weird. I don't believe it honestly. I honestly feel like they're lying to me. I don't think I'm bad enough or sick enough to be in that diagnosis but here I am. It's so different having a medical professional tell you what you have, and what you are over family and friends showing concern. like this will forever be on my medical record now. They wanted me to start treatment, but I don't think I need it. I don't think it will work for me, and maybe I'm just not ready for it. I quit my job because I was expecting to go into the day treatment program but withdrew myself before it even started, and they keep calling me trying to have me start. I don't really know how to describe it. But I needed to write it down somewhere, put my thoughts in order. But in. reality I think it's just as jumbled as before if not worse.

---

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by boyfriend
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Mon Mar 20 11:26:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60hv78/triggered_by_boyfriend/
---
Welp I've been gone for a while, entered the most loving and reciprocal relationship of my life and felt happy for the first time in a LONG time. I had even stopped counting calories!


But yesterday after a few drinks, my boyfriend started telling me about his closest friend at work. "She's absolutely gorgeous, she has the most perfect ass ever."


I know he didn't mean to make me feel bad but in that moment I decided to stop eating again. I don't know why I thought I was through with this, when a simple comment can bring me right back to fasting.


I feel so fat and disgusting again. I can't wait to drop 15 lbs.

---

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] Went on a trip this weekend & lost weight? I feel weird about it.
/u/ethereal-sea-nymph [5'3 | CW 106 | GW: idek | Female]
Created: Mon Mar 20 11:19:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60htnh/rantrave_went_on_a_trip_this_weekend_lost_weight/
---
We went on a road trip to see a friend play a show this weekend and while we were there I ate without thinking about it and didn't do any exercising, but somehow my weight dropped down to 104 pounds. There was a scale where we were staying and mirrors EVERYWHERE and I just couldn't believe them. I had a really hard time seeing myself constantly. I figured their scale was broken and the mirrors were warped. I felt like I looked really strange and gross, almost alien. We got home and my weight was still low, but I didn't look skeletal in my own mirrors. I feel so uneasy. Idk how it happened, but I feel sick to my stomach about it. I thought it would be cool and feel awesome to get so close to 100 lbs but instead I felt ugly and scared. In photos from the weekend I look sickly. I'm feeling anxious instead of proud of myself. I'm scared and ashamed, but feel paralyzed about it. I am afraid and I feel so alone. I wasn't trying to lose, I've been trying to maintain (with it still in the back of my head that losing would be fine of course), but now that this has happened I'm freaking out. I know that the solution here is to eat more (nutritious and calorie dense) food, but I'm feeling such crippling anxiety I just want to cry and cry and cry. In fact I am crying right now as I write this. I don't want my children to touch me. I don't want anyone to look at me. I feel really alone and scared and trapped.

---

[Discussion] Protein Supplements (discussion)
/u/CaityCait88
Created: Mon Mar 20 10:42:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60hlj2/protein_supplements_discussion/
---
Has anyone tried ALRI Industries HumaPro tablets? They are tablets that contain complete proteins and BCAA (amino acids), but at a fraction of the calorie cost. While research is still out on this, I'm curious if anyone here has used them. 1 tablet=5 grams protein = 1 calorie. Supposedly, its completely "bioavailable" as opposed to other supplements.

I have an eating disorder, but I try to minimize as much damage as possible. I also workout and want to make sure I don't lose my hair etc. and do all that I can to stay healthy.

Thoughts, experiences, relevant research?

---

[Discussion] Experiences on medication?
/u/vhenah [5'7 | 134.2 | 20.95 | -86.4 | MOO]
Created: Mon Mar 20 10:30:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60hiyp/experiences_on_medication/
---
(On mobile, will flair as discussion when I get home)

Long story short, I showed my general doctor how much of a basket case I am and she prescribed me Zoloft. One of the first things I did was look at the effects it has on people with eating disorders, apparently it helps people with binge eating disorder which is great of course. I was wondering if there was anyone on the sub who was on anti-depressants and what their experiences are/were?

---

[Discussion] DAE overestimate their daily caloric intake?
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Mon Mar 20 10:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60hiho/dae_overestimate_their_daily_caloric_intake/
---
Sometimes when I log calories I round up the value, just to make up for any 'hidden' calories, or as a way of punishing myself for lack of activity or something. Anyone else do this?

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[Discussion] It's the first official day of spring!
/u/babyjunimo [5'5 | CW 101 | BMI 17.00 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 08:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60gvfb/its_the_first_official_day_of_spring/
---
Hi everyone!

Do you have any goals for the season? Anything you're excited about?

I know summer can be really hard for many of us. Do you have any fears or frustrations you want to get off your chest moving into the warmer months?

---

[Rant/Rave] Wanted to say thank you
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | 105lbs | 24F 🌼]
Created: Mon Mar 20 07:47:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60gkos/wanted_to_say_thank_you/
---
(Mobile - can't flair! Rant/Rave)

Hey guys!

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you. I posted a few days ago really struggling with a 2 week plateau on a YUUUGE deficit. You guys gave me some amazing advice, combined with a dose of logic and a sprinkle of common-sense.

Aaaaaand I've finally had a whoosh! Down 3 lbs over the weekend and it has stayed off. Thank the lordy lord, but mostly thank YOU!

I really just wanted to say I appreciate this community. :)

On a slightly different note, I'm now at my target weight... and guess who ain't satisfied? Haha. Gotta laugh.

Have an amazing day, all of you. 💕🌸

---

Is this achievable?
/u/CaptianCuk
Created: Mon Mar 20 07:04:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60gd3x/is_this_achievable/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Are those "here's how much weight you'll lose if X" things accurate?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 20 06:59:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60gc98/are_those_heres_how_much_weight_youll_lose_if_x/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] I've totally lost control, I need to vent
/u/salemmeteor
Created: Mon Mar 20 06:37:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60g8qa/ive_totally_lost_control_i_need_to_vent/
---
So this is a throwaway account because I've always been a lurker

These last few months I have completely lost control of my weight and my diet. I've been bingeing nonstop while doing nothing to counteract it, I'm constantly feel hungry and I just shove food into my mouth like a pig. I've gained 30lbs since September, I'm disgusting, my stomach and back are covered in stretch marks, none of clothes fit me anymore and I've completely ruined my body at 18. Even if I do get to my goal weight I still be all saggy and scarred, I feel totally hopeless

Back in 10th grade 70lbs lighter I thought I looked amazing, I felt so good about myself and it felt so easy. Why is it so hard now to just not eat everything in the kitchen and then go buy more, why do I have absolutely zero willpower?

I'm sorry for the huge brain dump, this has been stewing for weeks I just needed to spill my guts somewhere

edit: hey so I saw I was getting some downvotes so I re-read the rules and deleted any parts from the post I thought might be problematic (asking for advice/looking for accountability), sorry.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! March 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 20 06:13:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60g4rx/weekly_stats_update_march_20_2017/
---
This is the weekly status thread for March 20, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 20, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Mar 20 06:13:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60g4qz/daily_food_diary_march_20_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 20, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] Anyone else have ARFID?
/u/FuneoAdmin
Created: Mon Mar 20 05:10:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60fvac/anyone_else_have_arfid/
---
For those who don't know, it stands for "Avoidant or Restrictive Food Intake Disorder", it can also be called SED.

It's basically a condition where you can only eat certain foods, often times only certain textures or flavors.

There are only around 10 foods I can eat that aren't junk food and shit. One of them is Special K cereal, I eat it pretty much every night for dinner.

---

[Discussion] Many other Aussie/non US Redditors here?
/u/juniper5572 [170cm | UGW 57kg | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 04:03:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60fn48/many_other_aussienon_us_redditors_here/
---
Just wondering if there are a few of us feeling the same pain. We can't EC stack because it's illegal here. I had to order Tums off of eBay from I think it was Hong Kong?
If you want nicotine you either have to smoke (which is super expensive, other than being smelly and you know, cancer), chew gum (and we don't even get cinnamon I have to order that from India too), or order ecigs from the US.
Not to mention all the amazing sounding diet drinks you guys get. We just got vanilla Pepsi Max. I saw an ad for it on tv yesterday and I was so excited, I rushed out today with the main goal of getting some ($2 for 2L at woolies today yay!)
Anyway I'm sure I missed a heap of things. Just wanted to complain 😂

---

[Help] for all you stoners
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 20 03:07:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60fgz0/for_all_you_stoners/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] My ED's going to ruin my relationship
/u/Casablanca_Insomnia [5'3 | CW: 114 | GW: 90 | 20F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 02:42:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60febo/my_eds_going_to_ruin_my_relationship/
---
My boyfriend just told me that he thinks that my eating disorder will be the death of us, and that he doesn't want to be with someone that will die in ten years.

I fucking hate myself right now.

---

[Rant/Rave] My alcoholism and eating disorder go hand in hand
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 02:26:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60fcn3/my_alcoholism_and_eating_disorder_go_hand_in_hand/
---
It's a vicious cycle. I get drunk, eat too much, feel bloated, starve myself, stop drinking, feel sad, get drunk, eat too much... And on and on. Healthy me is on a 500 or less cal diet with absolutely no alcohol. Unhealthy me drinks at least 500 cals in beer a day and eats garbage to keep from getting sick in the AM. Food and alcohol are my addictions, but fuck, I can't control both at the same time and it's making me crazy.

Edit: Thank you guys. I only post during my worst times, but the comrrodiry is amazing in this subreddit. I never feel alone bc of you guys.

---

[Discussion] DAE want to be recovered but just skip to the end?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Mar 20 02:24:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60fcbk/dae_want_to_be_recovered_but_just_skip_to_the_end/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Milestones
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 01:54:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60f94a/milestones/
---
On mobile so please flair "discussion"

Okay so I'm currently in Paris and I'm having a great time but I cant stop thinking about how huge I am. So everything is a bit tainted by the fact that I feel like a British whale. Oh and I also got a cold so that's fun! :(

This year I am also going to Dublin (middle of May) and Warsaw (end of June) so, I'm setting myself milestone weights to get by Dublin and by Warsaw. When I look back on photos I can see my progression as well!

I'm thinking if I average at about 1200kcal a day, loser town says I'll reach my first goal weight (58) by June. My UGW is now 52, but who knows if I'll reach that?

Then I can really enjoy those weekends and get back to restricting again!

What do you guys think?

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[Help] Alcohol Alternatives?
/u/lost081214 [5'1" | CW 133lbs | GW >100lbs | 21 | F]
Created: Mon Mar 20 00:34:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60f02n/alcohol_alternatives/
---
So, this is hard to admit, but I have an alcohol problem. I wouldn't call it an addictions much as a dependency, but it is still a problem. I bet if I could just go a few days without drinking I could cut so many calories.
I can restrict or fast all day, but it seems like I can't make it through a night without at least one drink, especially if I've had a stressful day.
Do you guys have any advice on how to avoid binging on booze when I'm stressed or anxious? I've tried everything from exercise to colouring and nothing seems to help like drinking. Like I can't have a peaceful night without at least a little buzz. Any kind of alternative is welcome, I'm willing to try anything at this point. Drinking is destroying my body

---

[Discussion] how many calories in your average binge?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 19 22:46:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60elyn/how_many_calories_in_your_average_binge/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] [vent] Self Sabotage
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 22:29:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ejm3/vent_self_sabotage/
---
Does anybody else have a tendency to just absolutely torpedo themselves every time they have some sort of success? I've been slowly lowering my calories and have been able to keep it under 850 for almost a week, down from my usual under 1000. I hit a new low weight, I was all excited, I felt awesome, I had a great meal plan for the day.

I just ate absolutely everything in sight. I feel horrible. I don't know why I did it.

---

[Rant/Rave] trying to become the self motivated , self-driven monster I used to be
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Sun Mar 19 22:24:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60eiur/trying_to_become_the_self_motivated_selfdriven/
---
I remember going days & weeks, eating under 500 cals, ignoring the lightheadedness and weak feeling just because I KNEW I COULD.

I know I could do it again. I just need to hit rockbottom one more time. If I make myself feel shitty enough I will lose my appetite - no problem.

I am not going to eat tonight because I SET MY LIMITS GODDAMNIT :/

---

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else feel like this?
/u/forgetyoumusteat
Created: Sun Mar 19 21:32:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60eb4s/does_anyone_else_feel_like_this/
---
Yesterday I walked past someone's dorm room and I saw a huge block of chocolate on their counter. And for some reason it made me kind of annoyed, not at them but at myself.

I was thinking about how whenever I eat junk food, it's never a luxury, it's always full of guilt: it must be done quickly, it must be gone.

And it's the same with other foods too. I feel sad thinking about food culture at university/college and how so many other people can enjoy food socially.

This is the time when people aren't supposed to care so much about their weight (that happens usually when you get older) and to care more about studying and socialising and drinking. I feel like a loser sitting in my room drinking black coffee and fretting about calories. It's so hard to concentrate on my work with an empty stomach but if I go out of my room with a full stomach I feel crazy anxious.

---

[Rant/Rave] My cousin is trying to compete with me.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Sun Mar 19 21:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60e63z/my_cousin_is_trying_to_compete_with_me/
---
The other day I was talking to my cousin in the car. She doesn't know about my ED but she she randomly asked me how much I weighed and I told her. I got curious and also asked her how much she weighed (about 20 lbs less than me). She mentioned that she had lost 5 more lbs and how she cant believe she used to weigh what I do now. Then went on to say how her dad (my uncle) was proud of her and stuff. Pretty much telling me how she had been working out everyday blah blah blah.

I think she was telling me all this because when I lost about 20lbs my whole family made a big deal and was complimenting me. My uncle, especially, said I looked like a whole different person. I didn't brag though, infact I was hoping my family wouldn't make a big deal out of it but they did.

Anyways the conversation pretty much ended with us both saying we wanted to lose more weight lol but I can't help but feel like she is trying to compete with me even though she already weighs 20lbs less than me.

I also let it slip that I bought clothes that I'm trying to lose weight for and she laughed at me, almost like she didn't believe I can do it. I'm so triggered right now, it's ridiculous.

---

[Discussion] [Discussion] struggling to break fast?
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sun Mar 19 20:47:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60e3x5/discussion_struggling_to_break_fast/
---
So I usually intermittent fast, but I kind of forgot to eat and now haven't eaten in ~30 hours. I was really hungry all day today, but a few hours ago I just started to feel nauseous. Almost like i couldn't eat anything if I tried. Does anyone else have this happen after a fast? Like it becomes impossible to eat after a certain point?

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[Rant/Rave] why cant i make it stop...
/u/SkinnyByComparison [5'1" | CW104 |BMI 20.5|GW90|22F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 20:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60dz06/why_cant_i_make_it_stop/
---
i keep eating when im not hungry, and yesterday counted as a binge cause i was uncomfortably stuffed. and i kept eating anyways.

now any idea of healthy eating is out the window. i keep telling myself i wont eat after this, or ill eat while im doing that thing ive been putting off so i keep putting it off and end up eating cause i know i wont do it. logic.

I'm just so frustrated with myself.





(just had to rant, thanks.)

---

[Help] Can someone please check if my math is sound?
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 20:08:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60dxlb/can_someone_please_check_if_my_math_is_sound/
---
Okay, so:

On Saturday (today's Monday) I weighed in at 99.5lbs. Assuming I binged ~3,000kcal on Saturday and Sunday, my total intake for the weekend is 6,000.

My TDEE is ~1,700, so 6000-(1700*2) means I ate 2,600 over my TDEE.

Assuming there are 3,500kcal/lb - and I did in fact eat no more than 3,000kcal/day - 2600/3500 means that I should have gained no more than 0.7 of a lb, right?

I know there's gonna be discrepancies because (insert reason here) and bodies aren't calculators and I don't know if I ate more or less than 3,000kcal etc. etc., but I woke up this morning at 103lbs, and knowing that logically I can't have gained more than 1lb's probably the only thing that keeps me sane today.

I normally work in kilos so I can handle being 45.5kg (100.3lb) rather than 45kg (99.2), but 46kg (101.4) is gonna kill me.

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) I fucked up....wish i could just stop.
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 19:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60dufe/rant_i_fucked_upwish_i_could_just_stop/
---
On mobile can't flair.

I've really fucked up. Idk why but the past 2 weeks I've had massive chocolate cravings. In fact, cravings for everything. I eat and eat and eat and my stomach is full but I still don't feel satisfied, until I've raided all the cupboards. But even then, I need to go out and buy more snacks. I want to purge but can't cos emetophobia and also I'm kinda scared.

I've gotten to the point where I'm swear I'm eating more than my bf does. It's disgusting.

Gone are the days of restriction. I can't even fucking maintain.

What's even worse is that I'm going to a ball this Friday. How the fuck am I gonna fit in any dress and look remotely nice when I'm fat and bloated as fuck?

Nothing is motivating me to stop binging and idk why. Really wish I could just fast this week and lose all that binge weight. Is that even possible?? 😢

---

[Thinspo] Sarah Hyland. 108 pounds of perfection.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW127 | UGW- 100? | 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 19:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60dnng/sarah_hyland_108_pounds_of_perfection/
---
https://i.redd.it/4yko83yyqgmy.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I gained so much fucking weight
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Sun Mar 19 18:49:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60djxw/i_gained_so_much_fucking_weight/
---
I gained so much weight. I went to the doctors today and I'm 120 fucking pounds. I'm going to start losing all of this weight right away. I'm starting with a fast and then eating 700 calories until I lose all of this weight. I want to lose at least 10lbs. Fuck I feel like a whale.

---

:/
/u/tibetan11
Created: Sun Mar 19 18:41:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60digx/_/
---
https://i.redd.it/iz28sbgnlgmy.jpg

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[Help] Trying to study and can't focus because of the urge to binge.
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 17:30:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60d5nl/trying_to_study_and_cant_focus_because_of_the/
---
I literally can't make myself focus on my schoolwork, I just keep thinking about how fucking badly I want to go to the store, get some pasta and just eat it all. I wanted to be 150 by April first and I weighed in this morning at 159.6...I'm such a fucking failure I just don't see any point in restraining myself now AND I can't even study because I'm dreaming of getting in my car.

How do you cope when you have these urges? Thinking of going and getting a single serve pasta or something so I don't become a total cow over it.

---

[Rant/Rave] I made a mistake...
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 17:11:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60d27y/i_made_a_mistake/
---
So turns out I accidentally sipped from my brother's glass of coke, which I thought it was diet but NO, it was normal coke. I realized a second too late and now I just ruined my day big time.

I binged yesterday and I was doing so good with my restriction today, but now Im just?? SIGH :^)

---

[Goal] New plan to deal with the weekend curse
/u/thinspirit_ [5'6 | 122 | UGW: 112]
Created: Sun Mar 19 17:10:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60d245/new_plan_to_deal_with_the_weekend_curse/
---
Every weekend (Saturday and Sunday) turn into overeating days. I can successfully restrict all throughout the week, eating healthy, nutritious meals and feeling completely content, but as soon as Friday hits, the cravings come full-force. I'm HUNGRY. I'm hungry for BIGGER meals, MORE food, SWEETS and INDULGENCES.
I've already eaten eight Larabars (choc. chip flavor) and it's barely been a day since I've bought the box. At least, the only good thing is that even when I'm feeling "binge-y", I always eat pretty healthy stuff still. I know that eight Larabars is A LOT of sugar, but it could've been way worse. It's just become a habit to not go after pure junk food now; I crave sugar, but it's usually in the forms of "healthy" granola bars and yogurt. Weird, I know.
Anyways, I need to come up with a solution, because obviously, as evidenced by previous weekends, this trend of overeating is not a temporary thing. So I've decided to alter my calorie plan a little.
On Monday through Friday, I'm going to stick with my restricting and eat 1000 calories. It's fairly easy to follow since school provides a strict schedule for meals.
On Saturday and Sunday however, I'm going to allow myself to eat my TDEE, which is 1800 calories. It's not going to make me lose, but at least it'll leave me to maintain. And still, the weekly average will still be at a deficit.
Fingers crossed that this will help.

---

[Rant/Rave] Husband left when I needed to talk
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 16:17:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60cruc/husband_left_when_i_needed_to_talk/
---
Oh dear, I didn't think I'd make another thread about him so soon. :/ But this time I am legitimately upset with him. We were talking on skype and I told him I felt bad from a recent binge. He asked how much it was and followed with "it's not that bad". I just replied "ok..."


Few minutes pass, and he starts ranting about a poor lol game he's having. I ask him if this really is the time to talk about games, and he logs off. Wtf? I figured he disconnected or so at first, but it has been two hours and I can actually see on his match history that he has been playing two more games since he "disconnected".


I understand it's hard to emotionally support someone with an ED, but still... I feel hurt, and don't look forward to seeing him tomorrow.


Thanks for listening(reading?) my rant.

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Weekends are the bane of my existence
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 122| UGW: 112 l 25F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 16:09:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60cqev/weekends_are_the_bane_of_my_existence/
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I am a HS Teacher, so during the week I am fairly busy (up on my feet and moving around) between 5:30 - 6 (I coach). During the week, I usually average below 500 cals a day and I have been trying to work out at least three times a week. I *easily* lose weight during the week.

However, Saturday afternoon (after morning 10-12 practice) my cheat meal turns into a non-stop eating frenzy until about this time every Sunday. As always, I look forward to Mondays because I can start restricting again and stop feeling so sickly full. I never gain that much weight because I restrict so heavily during the week, but I am also never losing weight on the weekend.

God, why can't it be easy? How can I keep restricting (even if it's at a higher avg than my work week)? How do you all do it??

I have growing anxiety as summer looms. How will I keep myself busy??? Help!

***on mobile and will flair when I can

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[Help] Prevent hair loss
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 19 14:58:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60cctl/prevent_hair_loss/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] NSV: My dad actually asked me NOT to lose more weight.
/u/ditzydizz [❤ 19F | 5'2" | cw~125 gw~115 ugw~105 | -25 ❤]
Created: Sun Mar 19 14:58:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60ccs5/nsv_my_dad_actually_asked_me_not_to_lose_more/
---
So, backstory, my dad has ALWAYS been very adamant about weight. He always lectured me on controlling what I eat, making sure I never "balloon up," as he would say, and saying things like, "nobody likes a fat girl."


I gained a TON of weight at the end of high school, up to around 150 lbs (we didn't have a scale until I'd lost some weight), and he was ALWAYS harping on me to lose weight. Making snide remarks, watching me when I made food in the kitchen, and lecturing me CONSTANTLY. He even went as far as to offer me a large sum of money to lose weight down to 125lbs (56.7kg).


Well, I finally did it. I weight 125lbs, for the first time in 3 years. And you know what his reaction was?


He asked me not to lose any more weight! What the heckle?!? Who are you, and what have you done with my dad?!?


But, seriously. rant/rave: it's still good bc he said he was proud of me. I love my dad.

---

[Thinspo] Some kpop thinspo cause I'm obsessed
/u/Echolaura [5'11"| 140.8| 19.14| -25| F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 14:30:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60c7f8/some_kpop_thinspo_cause_im_obsessed/
---
http://imgur.com/a/fllVR

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[Meme/Humor] After a week full of binging, bloating, and constipation, I have a new inspirational mantra. [humor]
/u/HighEmma [5'7"| CW 154lb | GW 125lb | 20F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 14:24:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60c681/after_a_week_full_of_binging_bloating_and/
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Pooping is good. Pooping is great.

Pooping out food will help me lose weight! ❤


I literally haven't had a bowel movement all week and I was AT THE BEACH FOR SPRING BREAK. Oh and of course seafood is my weakness, and of course I gained like 8 pounds, and of course I finally poop once I get home.

Pooping is good... pooping is great.....

---

[Help] Please help me care about harm reduction again...
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 84 / GW: 80]
Created: Sun Mar 19 13:53:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60c0eu/please_help_me_care_about_harm_reduction_again/
---
Basically, I did a week of really bad binging (I was stoned the whole time hahaha) and gained 7 pounds. I started eating 250 cals max a day to get back to pre-binge weight, which I'm at as of today. Before the gain, I was averaging 500-750 cals a day and felt fine with that. On 250, I can really, really feel the negative effects on my body and mind and they're unbearable but now it's like I've realised I can do that little, so I feel guilty for doing more.

I had 400 cals today and I've been in bed crying over it. I don't understand what's happened to me! I have been so miserable this last week and I'd love to go back to being okay at a higher intake knowing I'm still losing but I'm getting all this horrible guilt over it.

Please hit me with those science facts so I can stop thinking I'll magically have gained weight from eating 500-1000 calories...Cause, you know, I can't seem to trust that knowledge coming from myself...Ridiculous delusional mindset...

I was supposed to start maintaining at 15 bmi but I really don't know how I'm gonna manage that at this rate...

It's like the toxic pro-ana "we consume nothing but dust and water" mindset is seeping into my brain all the sudden BC of the guilt of having gained ):

EDIT: thanks everyone! I'm trying my best. I had almost 200cals for lunch today, so that's progress because I've been like 100 max/meal!! And I'm planning on having another meal later as long as the guilt doesn't scare me off. I broke down sobbing earlier because of how sick and weak I've been feeling, so hopefully that's shocked me out of the hardcore restriction...like, I'm chronically ill so this is even more dangerous than it already would be ))):

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[Rant/Rave] Musings of being a part-time girlfriend (continued)
/u/beargoesrawrr [5'7" | CW: 174 | 27.1 | HW: 220 | GW: 125 | 29F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 13:39:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60bxgk/musings_of_being_a_parttime_girlfriend_continued/
---
Won't see the boyfriend for two weeks after tomorrow. Business trip and he has his kids some extra days because of it.

Guess I'll be spending some more time with one of my best friends: my eating disorder.

---

[Help] How do I start?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 19 13:26:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60buzj/how_do_i_start/
---
[removed]

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X-Post from R/ProgressPics - Even 10 lbs makes a difference!
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 12:34:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60bkp9/xpost_from_rprogresspics_even_10_lbs_makes_a/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics/comments/608i8g/m2865190lbs179lbs11lbs_i_was_never_comfortable/?ref=share&ref_source=link

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[Intro] Hi
/u/proedthrowaway12345 [5'3" | 109.4 | 19.4 | -20.6 | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 12:26:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60bj50/hi/
---
Can't flair, I'm on mobile :(

I just made this throwaway specifically for you guys. I'm glad I found you. I've been struggling since I was in middle school and this year I finally accepted that I really do have an eating disorder. I go through times of normalcy or recovery or whatever you want to call it and that was enough for me to tell myself I don't have a problem. But I do. Mostly restrictive type, sometimes I overexercise.

Beyond that, I'm Katie, I'm 21, 5'3 and 112 pounds as of today! Goal weight is 104. I love dogs and Netflix and junk food. Lol

I just kind of wanted to introduce myself since I've been lurking for a little while :3

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Gross me out
/u/theobeseana
Created: Sun Mar 19 10:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60b0u2/gross_me_out/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so sick of this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 19 10:50:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60b09j/im_so_sick_of_this/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] How to get rid of water weight?
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Sun Mar 19 10:01:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60aqjl/how_to_get_rid_of_water_weight/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Is anyone else convinced that their life is going to completely improve in every way once they're "thin"?
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 24.03 | -68lbs | M]
Created: Sun Mar 19 08:54:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60aekk/is_anyone_else_convinced_that_their_life_is_going/
---
The whole reason this started for me was because I truly began to believe that once I was skinny my life would be amazing. Every meal I skipped and calorie I counted felt like me taking control of my life and pushing myself towards what I've always wanted. For the last couple years I've been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety, I dropped out of school because of it and now I only have a singular friend who I never see and I leave my house once a month at most. Every day all I think about is how lonely I am and how I wish I had friends and a boyfriend and an actual life.

But I don't feel like I can have that until I'm thin. I always think about downloading Tinder or trying to go out or reconnecting with an old friend from school but then I think about how fat I still feel and how far I have to go. I tell myself that once all the weight is off I'll go out and start living but not before. I truly believe that getting skinny is going to change my whole life, like the second I reach my UGW I'm going to develop insane self-confidence and be able to go out and live the way I've always wanted to.

It sounds stupid writing it out but it's how I've always felt. Like the second I'm thin I'll be able to date and go to parties and actually have fun. It's like the same shit I do with clothes. I have 500 bookmarks to different clothing items I want to buy but I tell myself that until I reach my GW I won't need them. It doesn't even have anything to do with the size I'd have to buy them in! It's just about the confidence it would take to wear them and until I have that confidence I settle for all these crappy Wal-Mart shirts that I've owned since ninth grade.

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[Sticky] (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's Sunday! Post ALL the memes~
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 19 06:09:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609rel/ﾉヮﾉﾟ_its_sunday_post_all_the_memes/
---
Happy Sunday March 19, 2017~

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 19, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Mar 19 06:08:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609re2/daily_food_diary_march_19_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 19, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Goal] I just deleted MyFitnessPal.
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2" | 126ish? | GW Thigh gap | Recovering is hard | F]
Created: Sun Mar 19 05:35:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609niz/i_just_deleted_myfitnesspal/
---
On mobile, idk what this would be flaired. (Are posts about recovery allowed? Just remove if not I guess)

I'm trying to recover, which is one hell of a bumpy ride, but I've made some progress. So I randomly decided to delete MFP and my other calorie tracker. I don't exactly feel that different, since I can always download them again (and I still haven't broken the habit of mentally estimating my calories) but I feel like this is some sort of big step since I used to track what I ate obsessively.

I don't know. Calorie tracking was probably my biggest source of anxiety so I guess I should feel proud of myself, but I don't really. I do feel better in general, though. I don't know.

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[Thinspo] Thank you for all the thinspo!
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Sun Mar 19 05:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609m0a/thank_you_for_all_the_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/wcUl5

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[Thinspo] Thank you for the great thinspo!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Mar 19 05:08:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609kil/thank_you_for_the_great_thinspo/
---
http://imgur.com/a/V3BNB

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C/s at work.. almost caught twice.
/u/blackswanrises
Created: Sun Mar 19 04:21:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609g1o/cs_at_work_almost_caught_twice/
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I wanted some chips really bad so I went to the vending machine and bought some. It's only me and one other girl at work so I figured my chances of getting caught c/s were slim to none. Well the First Lady that came into the lab was from telemetry and I had just dumped a mouth full of soggy chips back into the bag. If she would of walked in 5 seconds earlier she totally would of saw. The 2nd time I almost got caught was a few minutes later when the other tech walked out of the lab. She asked my why I had my chips spread on a paper towel and the chip bag still in my hand. I was like "oh haven't gotten up to throw it away yet." After I came back in the lab she went into the break room for a good 5 minutes. I'm paranoid now that she dug in the trash and saw my soggy sucked on chips lol. Wtf of course this would happen

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[Help] Last year I went on vacation and was a size 4. I just booked my vacation for this year and I am a size 12. I want to die.
/u/letsgetfitnow
Created: Sun Mar 19 04:10:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/609exj/last_year_i_went_on_vacation_and_was_a_size_4_i/
---
I've struggled with ED since I was very young (around 6). I actually recovered after my last child 3 years ago, and was in a semi-healthy place. I could eat without being too upset but was still at a weight/size that didn't terrify me. I ended up with some health issues that caused me to gain weight (mainly from medication like steroids) over the last few months.

The only reason I even have clothes is a month ago my neighbor said she had lost a ton of weight and did I know anyone who could use her old clothes. I am sitting in my neighbor's fat clothes right now. There is no foreseeable end to coming off the medication, and on it I continue to balloon up.

My husband is so excited for vacation. Talking about how he can't wait to spend time in the pool, etc.

I don't know my point to this post except that no one in my life understands. Even my doctor is like "There's not much you can do about this right now, just eat sensibly, worry about weight loss once your health is sorted." Easy for him to say.

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[Rant/Rave] Forced into treatment: an update
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Mar 19 02:30:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60961q/forced_into_treatment_an_update/
---
I wanted to thank you for all of your support yesterday. It was much appreciated. I've been at home and have managed to eat enough to stop worrying people while for the most part staying under 1200 calories.

I have to see my therapist every week now, and my husband is coming with me to my next appointment. My mother and father will probably be coming to the one after that.

Speaking of my husband I did get him to understand that it was about body image and that I wasn't "trying to impress other guys". I said, "Would you choose to wake up tomorrow 6 feet tall and ripped if you could even though you know I like you just like you are?" When he answered the obvious affirmative I explained it was the same thing with me being desperate to lose 15 pounds.


I'm not going to get that corset I promised myself after all. I said I'd get it after 14 days straight of 800-or-less caloric restriction and that's been blown out of the water. A deal is a deal, even to myself. Besides, a month from now I won't even fit into said corset; it'll be three sizes too small.

I am disproportionately sad about not getting that corset, an utterly terrified of that visit to the dietitian, even though it will probably be at least a fortnight from now. I don't know what to do with myself until then. My therapist would like me to eat like an actual human, most probably a fat human. I would like to eat as little as physically possible. I'm certainly not going to get in three meals a day, despite anyone's threats.

I don't know how I'm going to handle it when I finally do go to the dietitian. I need diplomacy and I'm actually terribly uncharismatic. When I feel backed into a corner I burst into tears and beg in a very pathetic manner. But there is no greater guarantee of my getting on a 2500 calorie a day diet than to tearfully plead with them not to make me gain an ounce. So I've got to resist the urge to grovel. I've got to come up with something to say that doesn't scream anorexia, but also truthfully mentions that I'd like to maintain my current weight rather than gain weight.

I have heard alarmingly true stories of the most dedicated and rigid anorexics having BMIs well into the forties post-recovery. If I gain more than 10 pounds I swear I'll drown myself. Assuming I wouldn't float like a bar of lard soap. Oh, sardonic humor, you save me from true despair on a daily basis.

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[Help] Orthostatic hypotension — How do you deal with head rushes and feeling faint?
/u/95CHOI
Created: Sun Mar 19 01:29:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6090ht/orthostatic_hypotension_how_do_you_deal_with_head/
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Shouldn't it go away if you eat? Last night I got to a point where I kept needing to hold onto something when I stood up in case my legs gave out. I was losing vision for a few seconds as well rather than a quick sort of brown out-type thing. It was so bad I did wonder one time if something else was wrong and I'm actually dying. Reluctantly, I ended up having something to eat assuming it would go away but I still have them today. In addition to that, I'm feeling slightly weak—my calves especially. The head rushes aren't nearly as bad but they are definitely still there.

What do you do to help with this? I really don't want to eat again. Any suggestions on low/zero calorie foods/drinks that will help? Or even better, a non-food suggestion?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Sun Mar 19 00:43:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608vvy/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/oajeo08e9bmy.jpg

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I feel like a failure and like I'm faking everything
/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Sun Mar 19 00:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608ulo/i_feel_like_a_failure_and_like_im_faking/
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I've been eating more lately to pull myself out of a binge cycle, and I've honestly been feeling fine although I am more generally anxious than normal. I felt fine, and like I was still in control of the stuff I was eating, I wasn't beating myself up about eating too much or too little.

I ran into someone I used to know earlier and she asked if I'd lost weight and while I know I should be happy that she noticed (I lost at least 40 pounds since she last saw me) I felt so disgusting and awful. I've been eating so much, she literally ran into me at a frozen yogurt place and I had a cup filled to the brim with sorbet, oreos, and capn crunch and she asked if I lost weight. I have no idea why it upset me so much but it made me so angry to have her catch me eating like shit, during a maintence break, in the middle of the world's longest weight plateau. I JUST WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. The scale goes up and down the same five pounds and has for months. I feel like I've broken my body. I'm still so fat but I can't keep it together enough anymore to lose the last few pounds. All I do is eat and lie to myself that I have an eating disorder when I'm just a fake, fat, failure who can't commit to anything.


I don't know. I'm sorry. Thanks for reading if you got through this. Hopefully I never eat again. Who knows. I'll probably eat something right after I post this. Haha

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[Discussion] I don't recognize myself in the mirror?
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 95 | GW 93 | BMI 16.8 | 23F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 23:42:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608p12/i_dont_recognize_myself_in_the_mirror/
---
On mobile, please tag as question/discussion.

I am not recognizing myself in the mirror. Like I am looking at the person who is supposed to be me. I see myself so objectively... like I am outside my body. It feels really weird and kind of scary. Is this really supposed to be me? Is that really what I look like?

The girl I see is kind of ugly. There are big dark circles under her eyes and she has too big of eyebrows. Kind of slim, she would look better if she lost a little bit of weight. She has dishwater hair. There's a red mark from a little pimple healing on her chin.

I feel a little disappointed that that's what I look like. I hate my reflection, I dont know the girl in photographs. She's so plain. Her teeth are ugly. What the fuck is this? I have no idea what I look like. It's like the narration is all in the third person.

Does anyone else feel this way? I've felt like this for years. I always avoid my reflection because it looks scary.

the

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[Help] So everyone, would a smoothie diet help me lose weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 23:06:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608kqb/so_everyone_would_a_smoothie_diet_help_me_lose/
---
[removed]

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I want people to be more worried about me?
/u/petitewinter [5'7.5" | Fat | -9lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Mar 18 22:56:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608je5/i_want_people_to_be_more_worried_about_me/
---
On mobile, will flair as rant/rave later.

I wish people were more worried about me in general, I mean, I don't want help but it feels nice to actually have people care about you. My parents are totally okay with me eating 800 cals per day, and don't really even notice that I obsessively count everything and I binge and purge and stuff.


Today, I just confessed everything to my girlfriend, and later we were at a restaurant, I ate my food super quickly then left to go purge and when I came back she asked if I had thrown on. I told the truth, because I was feeling stupid, and she said 'Just stop when you're skinny.' like, is it me or does that sound like she's okay with me having an eating disorder while I'm fat?


And my best friend actually straight up called me fat and gave me a pro ana diet to do. When I lost like thirty pounds she said I should stop trying to change my body and just be happy with how it is.


I just hate how it's okay when you're fat, and actually encouraged, but as soon as you're getting into a normal weight range (and becoming skinnier than everyone else) they get all up in arms about it.


Idk, it just feels sucky. I don't want help or to go into recovery, but I wish people cared more. Maybe I'm just being an attention whore. I don't know. It feels good to get this off my chest.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have a problem with baking/cooking constantly throughout your day?
/u/falafelwafflerofl
Created: Sat Mar 18 22:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608iro/does_anyone_else_have_a_problem_with/
---
I don't know if I'm alone in this, but on nights when sleep just isn't coming I find myself in the kitchen. I keep making and baking healthy desserts and foods that I store in the fridge and freezer for myself. I never seem to eat much of it, but something about just creating them is therapeutic. My poor SO doesn't even care much for sweets but I can't stop making him the most unhealthy, fatty and sugary things during the day. So yeah, does anyone else have the problem of being obsessed with cooking and baking constantly even if you aren't eating it? I feel like I'm crazy sometimes. lol. Also, I wish I had a bigger fridge to hold all of the food I'll never eat.

Sorry for no tag, but I'm always on the mobile app.

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[Goal] Squad Goals
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 22:29:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608fzd/squad_goals/
---
https://i.redd.it/mn82re3ilamy.png

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[Rant/Rave] So my newest romantic interest told me he chooses not to be with people who hurt themselves...
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 22:22:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608f2a/so_my_newest_romantic_interest_told_me_he_chooses/
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Since I primarily restrict as a way to hurt myself at this point, it's a huge deal that I'm even considering giving that up. And like, if I commit to eventually stopping, it would be for me as well as for him; I wouldn't want to do it only for him.

I don't know what to do. And I don't want I *can* do. Restriction is my number 1 coping skill right now.

I'm not necessarily asking for advice. I just need to get this out somewhere before therapy on Monday.

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[Help] Has anyone who has struggled with restrict/binge cycles ever been able to beat binging?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 22:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608ces/has_anyone_who_has_struggled_with_restrictbinge/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Overate (went off my restriction diet) for a full week. Can I get back on track? Help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 22:02:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/608c8e/overate_went_off_my_restriction_diet_for_a_full/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] male thinspo, because why not?
/u/menonever [5'6" | CW: too high | UGW: 90lbs | M]
Created: Sat Mar 18 20:07:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/607v2l/male_thinspo_because_why_not/
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http://imgur.com/a/RXIJs

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Resisted the urge to get my binge drink!
/u/Fatalope
Created: Sat Mar 18 19:57:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/607tf8/resisted_the_urge_to_get_my_binge_drink/
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(On mobile cant flair... not sure how to tbh)

Hey guys long term lurker here and honestly just thought I'd post because im so happy with myself. Ever since like 13 I have loved turkey hill slushies 32 oz, of just concentrated sugar and calories. My family jokes about me being addicted addicted to them. But today I was stressed (college) and I stopped in the parking lot and just sat and waited and then left. Just so proud of my self control.

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[Help] Exercise and bingeing
/u/Melissa1267 [5'6"| CW 122.6 | 19.79 | GW 118 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 19:11:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/607lxb/exercise_and_bingeing/
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Hi everyone,

Lately I've started to connect the dots between my exercising and bingeing habits. I overeat CONSTANTLY and then force myself to walk and run for miles every day to "make up for it." I don't know why it took me so long to realize that maybe the exercise is feeding into my voracious eating habits and vice versa.

Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, did limiting/stopping exercise altogether help with your appetite or bingeing (if you experienced it)?

Grateful for your thoughts!

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[Rant/Rave] Thoughts of recovery squashed by the fact that it'd be voluntary?
/u/frostbones [5'2 / CW: 84 / GW: 80]
Created: Sat Mar 18 18:24:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/607e9p/thoughts_of_recovery_squashed_by_the_fact_that/
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I've been thinking lately about how miserable anorexia makes me and how I wish desperately to feel free and happy and...alive again. And I feel so fucking guilty for putting my partner through this.

So, I think "maybe it's time to recover. maybe that would be better than starving and dying.", but it's quickly followed up by "if you 'give up' now, you're losing. you're weak, a failure. you just want an excuse to be a greedy pig. you don't want to recover, you're just hungry."

I genuinely feel that I can't recover unless it gets to a point where a doctor says "If you don't, you are going to die. Soon." It has to be my only choice, or else I'm just a fat fuck up.

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[Other] Check Up Tomorrow
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Sat Mar 18 17:32:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6075dz/check_up_tomorrow/
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I'm kind of scared. I'm not even sure if I have an ed, I just have a lot of body insecurities and I use really shitty methods to lose weight and the fasting/restricting really didn't take off until this past year. If I gained weight or stayed the same weight I'll be devastated, but if I lost weight my doctor will be really suspicious, because I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be gaining weight.

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Who smokes weed on this sub?
/u/-RainbowSeeker-
Created: Sat Mar 18 17:19:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60734c/who_smokes_weed_on_this_sub/
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Sorry I'm on mobile, please tag.

I'm pretty new to this sub. But I'm just wondering who smokes weed here and what kind of relationship you have with food because of it.
For me, when I'm stoned all I want to do is eat and food tastes soooo good. But when I'm not I can get very hungry but still have no appetite. Also if I'm not high, I find it very hard to finish food I would normally and it's hard to process food. My stomach will be in knots.

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] Sometimes I pretend to be spontaneous
/u/blondebynature [5'3" | CW: I'm scared of scales | GW: 90 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 16:23:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/606snh/sometimes_i_pretend_to_be_spontaneous/
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http://i.imgur.com/rjnqZff.jpg

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[Goal] Goal! Finally broke my plateau ❤
/u/shiver23 [5'5.5 | CW: 134 lbs l UGW: 120><105 lbs l -16 lbs | 25F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 15:56:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/606nqy/goal_finally_broke_my_plateau/
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(mobile - please flair as goal)

After almost two weeks of fluctuations between 137 - 135.8 I broke my plateau. CICO is so real.

I hit 135.4 10 days ago, had DQ to celebrate (still only 1150 cal day). The sodium & fat made me hit 137 the next day. Kept on CICO ~900 weekly average. Finally hit 135.8 last night.

Weighed myself at noon & I'm at 134.4! 16 lbs down since late January. So proud of myself. Still working my way down to my UGW & toning for good measure. ❤

Hoping this whoosh continues! Have a great day guys. 🌼

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So I'm really proud of myself
/u/lululights
Created: Sat Mar 18 14:58:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/606cxg/so_im_really_proud_of_myself/
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Obligatory no flair because mobile.

I just went shopping and I'm officially in a size 4 shorts! The last time I went shopping for shorts (last summer) I was in a size 10-12.

Yay for small victories!

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[Discussion] "Don't get thinner" when you're still fat?
/u/Echolaura [5'11"| 140.8| 19.14| -25| F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 13:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6061oq/dont_get_thinner_when_youre_still_fat/
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At what weight did ya'll start getting the 'you don't need to be thinner' comments and how do you deflect them?

I always thought they'd start when I hit 130 and was shocked when my (admittedly older, less fit) aunt told me to stop when I hit 150. The rest of my family started getting a little concerned at 140 which is crazy cause that's only a BMI of 20.1?? I've been fat forever so I guess I look strange now that I'm finally at a normal weight.

Whenever someone comments I just wanna say I won't be technically underweight until 129 so chill with the concern until then but that probably won't help lol

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This is not a normal thing to have as your first suggested word when you open keyboard....
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 12:31:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/605lcj/this_is_not_a_normal_thing_to_have_as_your_first/
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http://imgur.com/a/3RIxf

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[Thinspo] Current favorite thinspo
/u/taeyeons-comrade [5'6" | 127 | 20.5 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 12:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/605kfr/current_favorite_thinspo/
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http://imgur.com/a/Nf2L0

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[Rant/Rave] Went to the store for binge haul and ended up putting everything back and left!
/u/aerienne [5'5" | 154.8 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 12:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/605hfi/went_to_the_store_for_binge_haul_and_ended_up/
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Sunday is my weigh-in day. A good b/p session usually knocks the scale down at least half a pound. Even a tenth is good.

I wasn't even hungry today nor did I want to binge. I just knew it'd still taste good and it's a habit.

I walked around the store for a good half hour and gathered everything. Then I just set the basket down and left. No thoughts, no hesitation, just left. I haven't been able to stop a binge in it's tracks for a long time.

Also fasted today, walked about 10 miles around the city, and bought nothing. Such a good day!

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[Rant/Rave] Zero calorie lunch break!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 11:41:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/605bn4/zero_calorie_lunch_break/
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[deleted]

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[Other] 'Treats' is really close to 'threats'
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 10:19:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604v6b/treats_is_really_close_to_threats/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Aaaaaaand I'm back
/u/Skinnybabyshh [5'7 | 110 | -60 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 10:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604uu9/aaaaaaand_im_back/
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I was doing really good. Like a switch. I was eating like a normal person. Regular meals, never too much. With treats now & then. But then: Yesterday morning, like something out of a bad thriller, i dipped my sandwich in my coffee ( don't judge me non soggy people ) and it fell on my white shirt. And like a fucking coin flip, I hated food. I hated it on me. How it fucked up my shirt, how it smelled.. how I was full of it. Smashed that shit into the sink and I'm right back down in the pit of despair. I Won't break free ever

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Feeling triggered
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 10:06:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604stk/feeling_triggered/
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[deleted]

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Dealing with disappointment / sex talk
/u/mooonwitch [5'5''| 145 | F/22 | -20]
Created: Sat Mar 18 09:06:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604i9e/dealing_with_disappointment_sex_talk/
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I'm on mobile so apologies for no flair / rant

I spent all week looking forward to my saint Patrick's day plans because I knew this cute guy would be there and it's rare for me to be attracted to someone.

I have some social anxiety and major sexual anxiety so it's hard for me to put myself out there. I restricted super hard this week. I've lost a lot of weight in the past few months and I've been working out super hard and I thought maybe I can finally be okay with taking my fucking clothes off in front of someone. I really thought I had a chance to go somewhere with this guy because we flirt have good conversations. I just had such a good feeling about it.

Anyways about a half an hour after I get there and I already talked to him but then this other girl shows up specifically for him and they hook up and I'm a mess because this anytime I fall for someone they are already fucking someone else or end up dating someone else. Ive even put myself out there and I've been rejected a few times. I thought this time could be different but now I just feel so worthless because nothing goes smoothly for me so there must be something wrong with me. It's so irrational but it hurts No matter how much weight I lose or pep talks I give myself I just remain alone. Everything I did this week just went to waste.

Also I binged on all the party food so fuck me. It was still fun because I was drunk and I'm glad I went out but like fuck the whole night I just swallowed the hurt thinking I can wait to cry until everyone's asleep. Sorry for ranting.

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[Rant/Rave] Hunger strike?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 08:57:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604gpo/hunger_strike/
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[deleted]

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It's a love hate relationship.
/u/to_bleedis_tolive
Created: Sat Mar 18 08:37:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604dg1/its_a_love_hate_relationship/
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There are so many times when I actually appreciate my ED (is this messed up?)

I love the feelings of control and emptiness and satisfaction as the scale creeps down. I love feeling powerful over my own body, able to control my hunger.

Am I alone in this?

I hate the bingeing, the dizziness, the shakiness, the having-to-think-up-excuses-to-get-out-of-food dates. I hate that I feel powerless over this disease.

It's so conflicting.
Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with their illness? ( I am not trying to minimize anyone's pain or disregard the severity of this disease, I was just wondering if I am alone in this weird....state.)

Mobile please flair discussion

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PSA for lactose-challenged folks and really anyone looking for low cal binge sweets: Arctic Zero has lactose free ice cream flavors and is only 150 cal a pint!!!!!
/u/sammyframps91
Created: Sat Mar 18 08:07:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6048ix/psa_for_lactosechallenged_folks_and_really_anyone/
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I've been lurking here a while and I see lots of posts on Halo Top which is delicious but upsets my tummy when I binge on it. I went looking for some yesterday and my local grocery stores didn't have any but I discovered Arctic Zero and tried the cookies and cream and peanut butter flavors. It's pretty tasty and fewer calories per pint than halotop plus it's gluten free, lactose free, and according to their website have new flavors coming out this year!

Idk if this is a thing that folks here have heard about but I wanted to share cause this made my night.

https://www.arcticzero.com

On mobile, can't flair.

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I'm feeling so fucking binge-y today
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 07:34:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6043l7/im_feeling_so_fucking_bingey_today/
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I'm not even hungry, I just want all the food + my body is aching for death. My sister is having a birthdayparty, it's literally plastered with cake. I've stolen the diet coke, but I just wanna eat forever. I'm gonna hide in my room until they leave. I hate this fucking feeling.

On mobile/ rant

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[Discussion] BINGE (on youtube) actress
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140LB | 19.58 | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 07:10:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/604099/binge_on_youtube_actress/
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I loved the BINGE episode and the Blind Girl prequel. So I've also been watching the Q&A's with Angela. I watched the most recently posted video: youtube.com/watch?v=ntuR9BXauzo

and it seemed weird that she decided to answer so so so many questions about her personal eating disorder story. Maybe this is just how it looked from my perspective but I honestly think that she looks very uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable for her watching it. I know she is sharing because of the people who must comment about how much they relate... yeah I don't know. What do you think?

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[Rant/Rave] Next two weeks. Perfect conditions...
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Sat Mar 18 06:25:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/603uls/next_two_weeks_perfect_conditions/
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By perfect conditions, I mean I have zero obligations to eat.

My biggest obligation to eat is running. Of course I care about my own pace, but I'm back in a place where I care about restricting more. Despite this, I have a responsibility to other runners to keep my pace up - and my Dad also expects me to, he is very 'into' my running.

However, my Dad goes on holiday on Monday. He is back after 10 days, but after that he has suggested we take the next weekend off running to, so we can do something a bit different - he suggested going to a farmers market so he can sell some farming stuff (I'm into this, even if it weren't for being able to restrict. We're a farming family, but that's a whole 'nother story!)

As for other runners, I've recently teamed up with the BEST group of ladies ever. Honestly guys they are so amazing, so funny, and down to earth, and chatty. And utterly bitchy about bitches, it's hilarious. They don't keep a fast pace at all, so I have no worries about speed. The distances we do arn't an issue either, especially slow. So whilst we're teaming up, I can absolutely run with them fasted.

I don't have any training with my PT at the moment and wont until April, when I need to renew my gym membership. They also have a bunch of new fancy machines, better than the ones they had, so I can work out somewhat well without risking injury by using free weights.

I have much more willpower and do a lot better when I'm on a 'streak'. Things get hard when I have to puncture my restricting with eating to run, or for any other reason.

Currently making a plan to pull out all the stops, and figuring what 'stops' I have to pull out. I already have my stash of appetite reducers, indigestion tablets, chewing gum etc. Spend my money on the lowest cal food - the lowest cal stuff I can get that I like and fills me up is really expensive, but I wont have to get anything else due to not having to eat anything else, so I can do it. I've created some spreadsheets to track my deficits and fasting, they're pretty nifty. They'll be in use. I bought some more electrolyte tabs already, a 2L water bottle to keep by my bed. Quite excited tbh.

Only caveat is my SO next weekend. I have to eat around him every weekend. I'm considering faking a stomach bug and asking him not to come over at all so I'm not even tempted... don't get me wrong, I hate that. HATE IT. I adore the guy and miss him terribly whenever he's not here, and I'll feel so guilty. But it's just one weekend, I rarely get opportunities like this... it'll be worth it. So ED brain tells me, I guess.

The weekend AFTER, my Dad wants to take me to dinner the evening of the market, when he gets back on holiday. So that will break my streak, but it'll be a solid end point to it and something to bear in mind. PLUS, it'll mean I wont freak out and binge on my first full meal/higher cal day... can't binge around my parents in a restaurant! lol! It works out pretty well, in that sense.

I'll probably fuck this up and binge for two weeks, hah, but we'll see.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! March 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 18 06:07:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/603sh5/stupid_questions_saturday_march_18_2017/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for March 18, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 18, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Mar 18 06:07:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/603sgp/daily_food_diary_march_18_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 18, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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*trigger warning *Easiest way to purge ? Pls quick :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 03:55:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/603dzu/trigger_warning_easiest_way_to_purge_pls_quick/
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[deleted]

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Emotional Eater & Insomniac
/u/yougotmefeelinghigh
Created: Sat Mar 18 03:28:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/603bg9/emotional_eater_insomniac/
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It's 4 in the morning and once again I can't fucking sleep like a normal person. My body is tired and I feel exhausted, but sleep just isn't happening. So what do I do? I go into my fridge and eat everything. I'm literally laying in bed eating a hot dog as I type this out. I hate myself. I'm honestly not really hungry. My mind is just screaming, "Eat! Eat! You've already ate so much so what's a little more?" The majority of my history has been severely restrictive, so eating like this is super stressful. I'm becoming a binge eater. I feel gross all the time. It's a stupid vicious cycle that I can't stop on my own. That's all, I just needed to ramble.

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[Rant/Rave] Body & Binge: An Epic Tale
/u/calmlyranting [5'5 | Fluctuating | F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 02:57:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6038kh/body_binge_an_epic_tale/
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"How are the shipments coming in today Captian? Any more than usual? The other stations are begging for something to be shipped. Heart station wants to give out, Kidney station lost a lot of men in the seasoning salt massacre of 02/17, and we've finally had to start leeching fingernails station, despite the pure liquid calcium coming in... Needless to say, none of the men here seem very happy sir. How long do you think we're going to make it without shutting something down?"


"Damnit, Private, you think I don't know that? We're doing are best but shipments are minimal... We're starting to get more protein shipments in, and it's barely enough to keep Heart station going, let alone help other stations or have enough for storage... Our supplier's running us dry. All we can do is do our best. Hopefully, the slight increase will make it so we can get to summer. We'll have a bit more protection then. It seems a larger shipment came all at once. Get the protein to stations defenses and mostly to Heart station in particular as usual. The carb shipment is rarer, though. Tell the frontline boys to savor this, they likely won't get it again for a while."

"Done sir... Uh, sir? I think I see... SIR! I see shipments coming in! A whole lot of them! Mostly protein... but my goodness, there's carbs, fat, sugars... Our prayers have been answered! Guys, come look at this, the supplier finally came through!"

"You better not be shitting me Private... Holy mother of... Okay, troops, listen up! I want this going through every channel available. Now! Let them know the famine has ended! We finally have enough to store and repair. I want the bare minimum sent to each station to start. We don't know when this luck will run out. Get the rest to the stomach & thighs storage units."

"Captian, why stomach and thighs? They are the most heavily supplied right now... Why not the other areas that are more empty, like arms, breasts... Heck, even our butt storage unit could use a lot more..."

"They are our main storage units. The others can run on very little, but stomach and thighs are better at retaining and distributing, therefore, we send them there. It's the most difficult place to completely deplete, and because of their efficiency, we can keep the vessel BODY moving as much as possible. I don't know how those boys do it... But with these, we may finally get back into the 100s! Kiss the 80s goodbye, boys!"

"Uhh... Captian? We may have a problem now... The shipments. They won't stop coming in. Our systems can't handle everything and our men are rusty at distributing. I don't know if we can do this sir. The Stomach station can't expand like she used to, she may explode! Kidney station will have to be informed of this, and they've already been overworked from the supplement shipments & since the massacre..."

"Pull yourself together private!... Oh goodness, how is so much coming in at such a quick pace... ALL HANDS ON DECK, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Okay, troops, I want all of this moved into Small Intestine and to the storage units as quick as possible. They can be distributed from there. I don't care how you do it, just get it done. I'll inform Kidney Station. Now, move, move, move!"

"Hello, this is Kidney station... Unusual shipment is an understatement. Do you think we're morons? The whole body vessel knows of this by now. Heart Station is over the moon. Overtime? What do you mean 'overtime'? We're already working practically over our capacity every moment! Our station nearly got crystallized and we had to send the excess to knee and ankle stations to avoid breaking the entire system! We can barely keep up with the supplement shipments, god bless them, but still. Why must we be the main ones working?... Fine, understood, we're the only ones who can manage... at least with the new supplies, more men will come in. Kidneys, over and out."

"Sir, there's some movement going on, and... Send access to those stations but don't worry too much? Got it... Now it looks like the heat is on the skin, and liquid sir, the vessel is in water."

"Ugh, if skin station loses more men it could cause some slight problems, but the heat is good. It will make things easier for quick travel, and less compact. Let's use this to our advantage... Oh crap, systems are trying to back up! We'll lose our shipments... No, I must stop this... For my beloved Maurice, I lost to this famine... SHUT DOWN THE BACKUP PROCESS. REPEAT, SHUT DOWN!"

"Sir, this may be a good thing. Our station can't handle this load all at once. We're getting buried. We need less in the system. this may be our only chance. Consider letting the system back up."

"NO, we don't know when shipments will come again I'm not losing these. Listen Private, and listen good. You can do this. I believe in you, now get on deck and move everything as quick as you can. I don't want to see you until the situation is managed. Now go... Good looks like it's all still for a bit. It might be over. We did it. Now everything can get moved... Wait... THERE'S MORE?! Just as I thought it was over... I'll only let the system back up minimally just for this... Kidney station, don't fail us now..."

"Seems all is calm now, Captain. Things will probably be better for us at BODY station from here on out. MIND station's a mess, but I guess that's nothing unusual. Our supplier sure is sadistic, though... I hope this is the end of the nonsense, but I feel until we're not at war with MIND station, that's going to be impossible... Our supplier seems to be easily manipulated by them, and almost everyone at MIND station seems to have turned to the dark side."

"You're not kidding. I hope this nightmare is over too, but I can feel that our war with MIND station won't be ending anytime soon. We can only hope. In the meantime, make sure this shipment lasts. I have a bad feeling about what MIND station might have in store, especially with our supplier on their team. We've got to do what we've always done. Make the best out of what has been handed to us and make it last. We don't know what the future holds, after all. We can only do the best we can with today."

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I feel threatened by harmless comments
/u/sprinkle1997 [156 cm | SW 70 kg CW 55.5 kg GW 45 kg | 19F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 01:41:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6031ez/i_feel_threatened_by_harmless_comments/
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Last night I was on a date and we went to eat Korean barbecue, basically he ordered a portion for two people and I ate super slow and inconspicuously pushed a lot of the meat onto his side. I picked at the side dishes a lot bc I figured eating veggies is safer than meat. He noticed me eating the spicy bean sprouts and he was like, "You eat pretty well" and I was so thrown off...so I was like what? He explained that I was open to trying new foods and stuff. I really thought he meant that I was eating a lot. I felt all the blood rush to my face, I was mortified at the idea that he thought that. I just feel crazy sometimes. Especially eating around guys is terrible, I'm always going the extra mile to show how little I eat bc its more lady-like? Idfk society has fucked my head up too much lol

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Boyfriend gave me the biggest compliment ever.
/u/littlebirdbones [5'4" | 150.4 | 25.8 | not enough | F | GW: 110]
Created: Sat Mar 18 01:17:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/602z3d/boyfriend_gave_me_the_biggest_compliment_ever/
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I haven't seen my guy in several weeks, because he's busy taking care of his mother who is terminally ill. Sad situation.

He really likes makeup - one of the few men I know who appreciate makeup done well. So I sent him a photo of my look for the evening, and his reply was

"You look different....why?"

Me: "different? good or bad different?"

Him "You always look nice. You look thinner or something...maybe younger too."
"You always looks great. Have fun tonight"

Me "thinner is a possibility... not younger! 😉"

Him "You look really good. I hope you are well."

Despite the fact I've gained 7 pounds in water weight this week in preparation for my stupid period, this still put me over the moon. He's not the most forthcoming person via text... lots of affection when we are together, but he doesn't really send me lovey dovey messages. Just not his style. Which usually is ok, but with not seeing him much I do of course get insecure and think he's not into me. Clearly not the case!

I love him. He doesn't know it yet. Also I'm still a whale. 🐳

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I was in the South for a week
/u/Latina_mia [5'2 | 135.4 | SW:164 | GW1:130 | 25.7 | -28.6 |20F]
Created: Sat Mar 18 01:08:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/602y5k/i_was_in_the_south_for_a_week/
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Hey peeps,

I'm new to this, but I've been following your posts for a while and I finally have the courage to post.

I came to the South for a week and it was horrible. The people were nice and so was the food, but this whole week has been an uncontrollable binge. Worse, all the food here is hella fatty--think all fried and buttery foods. I tried to be healthy; ie. I tried eating fish and greens one of the days, but I didn't realize my order meant fried catfish, fried okra, and greens lathered in meat and oil. I was restricting at ~600 before I came, but I've had so much fast food, ice cream, and burgers here. I also binged on KitKats and Cheetos. I feel so bloated! I tried purging but I was down here with a group, so I was only able to purge three times.

I feel so gross and nauseous. I gained 6 pounds this week (probably more after today). I lost 2 weeks worth of progress. I wanna get back on track asap when I get back to my college town tomorrow, but my boyfriend's birthday is this weekend, so idk how well I'll do. Wish me luck!

P.S. I'm on my mobile, so please flair it as a rant, and sorry for rambling. I just had to get it off my chest. Thanks!

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[Other] one good thing about feeling hideous
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Mar 18 00:22:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/602t86/one_good_thing_about_feeling_hideous/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling so pleased with my little coconut discovery!!
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F 🌼]
Created: Sat Mar 18 00:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/602s9y/feeling_so_pleased_with_my_little_coconut/
---
So recently I've been trying to switch from nonfat milk to almond milk because it saves so many calories (1 cup is 40 rather than 110), but I was having a very hard time getting used to it. It just tasted kinda nasty to me because I'm so used to regular milk.

But I grabbed this organic toasted coconut granola from TJs a couple days ago as an impulse buy (130 cals for 1/3 cup), it was super expensive, but oh my goodness.

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk, 1/3 cup toasted coconut granola, 1 tbsp of cinnamon, let the granola soak the milk a little bit... You have the best sweet snack ever and it's only 150 cals!!!

I can't describe how happy I am right now. I've had such a bad sweet tooth lately and this was so satisfying for me. I don't know why I'm so excited because it really isn't like a new invention or a crazy combination, but I just am!! A cup of cereal & milk for me is around 250 cals & the kind of cereal I like is just filled with nasty artificial sugars.

This tastes amazing, but in a healthy way, which feels great because I really want to go vegan & I'm so happy this is a lil vegan snack that'll always be there for me!! I'm just super hyped so I wanted to share, hope y'all are having a good day!

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[Rant/Rave] I'm a fucking failure
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Fri Mar 17 22:26:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/602exq/im_a_fucking_failure/
---
For the past few days I've been eating my TDEE or more. Today I had 996 calories I was proud of eating back in the triple digits. I'm laying in bed trying to go to sleep at around 10ish, but I can't sleep. My urge to binge slowly crept up on me. I get out of bed and I have a bit of an internal struggle. I'm thinking to myself: just get a little snack, no go back to bed. I debated for like 10 minutes. I finally decide to go to the kitchen just to look. I ate a chocolate, now I was at 1,063 so then I was in the 4 digits and I'm like well that's all ruined, might as well eat everything. Now I'm about to purge and I was really trying not to. I've definitely had worse binges, but for some reason I'm feeling more depressed about this one than usual.

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[Discussion] DAE have clothes they save or buy for when they lose weight?
/u/chr1st1n3h0ng
Created: Fri Mar 17 21:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6027d4/dae_have_clothes_they_save_or_buy_for_when_they/
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I've been doing this for years now and I still can't fit into my old size 0 jeans and it makes me sad. I also just bought a bunch of size 0 clothes and I'm determined to fit into them by summer.

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Omg hubby gets it
/u/spacebaconkitty [6'1" F | never good enough ]
Created: Fri Mar 17 21:16:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/60254e/omg_hubby_gets_it/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Fri Mar 17 21:11:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6024ia/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/enoc0jlp23my.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] (rant/ramble) b/p thoughts
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Mar 17 20:30:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601y1c/rantramble_bp_thoughts/
---
Just baked like two pans of banana bread, ate them like twice and purged and I'm kind of in a mind fog right now and I'm exausted

and looking down at the toilet and thinking I don't even find this gross anymore. I've touched my own lips with the toilet seat, done this many times in public restrooms (gross x forever) and it doesn't really phase me anymore?

And my mind is racing and I think, I realize I'm ruining my body. I realize that I'm not beautiful. And I have so many things going for me but when I see my skin turning pale, when my fingers and toes tingle (the bulimic paresthesia), when my knees wobble, when my ears kind of feel plugged up and when I keep doing this to myself while I feel a tinge of pain at my right chest area, I'm not quite scared if a heart attack hits me or if I skip out on work the next day

because bulimia is safe
and I dunno why and how my dumbass made a home out of this chaotic mess

I'm not sure why I'm writing this dumbass post but I should probably eat some vitamins and go to sleep. Maybe I'll skip work tomorrow but I probably won't.

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[Other] I doodled this IDK months ago but thought it belonged in this sub.
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Fri Mar 17 20:23:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601x05/i_doodled_this_idk_months_ago_but_thought_it/
---
https://i.redd.it/uznqlp60u2my.jpg

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I have had a week of decadence and now I'm paying the price.
/u/GiveMeASmosh [5''2' | 101.2lb | 18.5 | -13lb | f]
Created: Fri Mar 17 20:09:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601upi/i_have_had_a_week_of_decadence_and_now_im_paying/
---
March break started out great! I travelled on my own to the big city, visited some FWB's, had fun, stayed roughly within my calories... But then I stopped paying as much attention to my calories. I figured since I was on the move all day and only eating one meal it would be fine.

I've been drinking and snacking more than I thought I was though, and wine does nobody favours calorie wise. I was staying with someone who know about my ED issues and he was encouraging me to not use my calorie tracking app while I was there. At first the freedom was amazing! But then I looked in the mirror and could SEE the weight gain.

Now I'm home and I've stepped on the scale and I have a LOT of restricting to do to fix this madness. I can't even look in the mirror. I know the weight gain actually isn't bad at all, but you know how ED brains work.

I'm still struggling to get back in to restriction, but I haven't purged at all despite going waaaay over my calories so that's good at least.

Anybody else suffering after spring break? How do you get back on track? Even just maintenance would be nice at this point.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm halfway to overweight.
/u/throwingawaymylife- [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Fri Mar 17 19:20:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601mbf/im_halfway_to_overweight/
---
I weigh around 125 pounds right now, and that puts me above the mean BMI (according to the new BMI thing) for my height.

The minimum "healthy" weight for my height is 103.7. My lowest was 103.8. I've only gained since then.

I'm halfway to overweight.

I just want to die. I hate binging.

---

[Discussion] Grocery budget realization
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 19:06:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601jx8/grocery_budget_realization/
---
I recently sat down to create a new budget for myself and noticed something funny.

I spend as much money on diet soda, tea, coffee, creamer, La Croix, and gum as I do on actual food. And that's saying something because I can't eat gluten so when I buy oatmeal or granola bars I have to spend a fuckton. My roommates must think I'm fucking crazy (not too far off the truth lol and for multiple reasons) when they look at my shelf of the fridge, right now all I have are 5 eggs, 2 cheese sticks, and like 18 cans of La Croix. I never realized just how little food I actually buy, but at least my bill is super low! This just stood out to me as rather hilarious so I thought I would share lol.

Does anyone else notice this with their grocery budget?

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[Discussion] "If I can't binge, it's not worth breaking a fast."
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 18:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601haw/if_i_cant_binge_its_not_worth_breaking_a_fast/
---
I just had this thought. I don't have any binge food left in the house. Tons of healthy food. Tons of fruits and vegetables that, when I'm not restricting, I love. We have papaya! I freaking love papaya.

But it's only a cup's worth. I want to eat a whole damn papaya all to myself. It doesn't feel like a cup of papaya is worth breaking my fast. I haven't eaten all day, and it's nearly bedtime (I know, how lame am I. Going to bed early on St. Paddy's Day? Smh).

In other news, I went shopping with my mom and she offered to buy me ice cream and Timbits and potato wedges and sour cream and onion chips, and I SAID NO to it all!!! I'm so proud of myself :)

---

I shouldn't be proud of this.
/u/raspberryfleur [5'6 | 125 | 20.2 | -30 | Female]
Created: Fri Mar 17 18:17:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601axb/i_shouldnt_be_proud_of_this/
---
Mobile no flair

My cousins came over to spend the march break with my family. The oldest is 8 years old, and LOVES to eat. Eats more than I do. You can see where this is going.

One of my cousins saw the scale in my room. And they wanted to weigh themselves. My cousin stepped on, and the scale read back 116 pounds. 116. At the age of 8. And he isn't a tall boy unfortunately.

I stepped on. 124. 124...I'm only heavier than him by 9 pounds. Fuck. The head rush from reading the scale. Why am I proud about the fact that I weigh almost as much as a 3rd grader? What the hell. I'm disgusted and appalled with myself.

But yet, I want the scale to dip further. To weigh as much as him. Less than him. And by the way guys, he's proud to weigh that much. He doesn't mind it. Why though?

Thanks for listening to my strange thoughts. The things this disorder does to me.

---

[Rant/Rave] This is why I love outpatient treatment
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 17:58:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6017dz/this_is_why_i_love_outpatient_treatment/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Anyone else here obsessed with enhancing their water?
/u/convincemeimhere [5'2" | CW 101.8 | 19.29% | GW 92]
Created: Fri Mar 17 17:54:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6016n6/anyone_else_here_obsessed_with_enhancing_their/
---
Just curious if anyone else does this? I'm kind of obsessed with making different water infusions. Some of my favorites combinations:

green tea/fresh mint/lime juice

apple cider vinegar/lemon juice/ginger tea

lemon/lime/cucumber

dandelion tea/lemon juice/cranberries

I know I drink a ridiculous amount of water every day and I almost always add a cap-full of Bragg's apple cider vinegar for flavor. Before I started doing this I was on sparkling water kick for years but I started realizing it was making me feel too bloated.

How do you guys like to enhance your H2O when you're feeling bored with plain water?

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[Help] Control Tips? (Fitbit vs. Pavlok vs. Others?)
/u/papercards [5'4" | 114 lbs | 19.57 | GW: 100 lbs]
Created: Fri Mar 17 17:27:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/601208/control_tips_fitbit_vs_pavlok_vs_others/
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I'm stuck. I keep wavering on my self-control and go through periods where I am very good and stringent with keeping to my plans, see real progress, only to lax/binge and fall back into old habits. It doesn't help that I naturally have a fucking awful metabolism, so even one slip-up on one day does over a week's worth of damage. I need something to help hold me accountable and keep me in check, so I want peoples' opinions on various fitness/tracking devices.

I have had a Fitbit a while back but not any of their newer models. I think sinking decent money into one would help motivate me into using it but I'd like to hear if anyone else has had one recently.

Also I looked into pavlok and while the idea seems useful (since I stress-eat or eat out of boredom) and I feel like that would curb my troubles, I've read mixed reviews.

Of course if anyone else knows of something better I'd like to hear about that as well, or even just mental ways you get yourself under control and keep to what you need to do that helps long-term. I want my control back!

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Advice/Opinions on my body? (Mobile, cant flair, sorry). Im about 105 and 5'4, the majority of me is muscle mass and that makes me upset
/u/kuuiyneko
Created: Fri Mar 17 17:12:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/600z8z/adviceopinions_on_my_body_mobile_cant_flair_sorry/
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https://i.reddituploads.com/ef297285d08f45e890fb337b93414fb5?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=5bbfa121b07f1f1048dd5338ff6da7a1

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Feeling horrible... as always... and trying to motivate myself
/u/Zaomi
Created: Fri Mar 17 17:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/600yxv/feeling_horrible_as_always_and_trying_to_motivate/
---
So I'm jobless right now and I was jobless the last few months. Almost everything I was doing the last few months was sitting at home and eating food. I gained 3 kilos and feel horrible about it. I am at my all time highest weight right now. I dont want to shower anymore because then I have to see this disgusting body naked. My boyfriend gets desperated because I dont want to have sex with him. Ugh how is it even possible that he wants to bang this potato body.

Soooo I'm starting to work again in April and I realised that I was making up excuses to continue my bad eating habits because every time I have a job I only eat dinner. I was thinking I will loose weight anyway when I'm finally employed again so why bother now?
But today it hit me: I don't want to be a fat fuck when I start my new job! Everyone will see me as this chubby new girl and the first opinion is what matters! I want everybody to think: god damn this girl is hot and not: god damn this girl got hot!

I know I only have 2 weeks to loose weight but I managed to loose 4 kilos in 2 weeks in the past so why not again? I even considered to start purging again but I'm not sure about that part. I stopped 2 months ago because I didn't have the feeling that it worked at all... Anyone here who had success with purging?

So yeah I had to write this off my soul and here I am. Active again in this sub.

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[Rant/Rave] Accidentally laxed myself with sugarfree mints...
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Fri Mar 17 15:09:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/600bet/accidentally_laxed_myself_with_sugarfree_mints/
---
Ugh, it'd be funny if I wasn't in pain. Here I am thinking my bowels have finally given up on me and i need a doctor... But noooo the goddamn mints didn't have a warning they contain fucking sorbitol -_-

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[Help] Prepping for a big event
/u/cheeekyslug [5'5" | "in BND recovery" | GW: 115 | 19F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 14:21:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6001ie/prepping_for_a_big_event/
---
I am speaking at a conference where I talk about engineering and women and I'm nervous as fuck because I don't want to be generalized "oh another average girl in engineering.." so I want to look my best. I've been in and out of treatment and it's annoying as hell, but this is my new motivation to get out of my plateau.

This is going to be filmed and broadcasted live and I'm nervous as hell. I have to be somewhat conservative and I am planning on wearing [this](https://cdn.lulus.com/images/product/xlarge/2317592_417692.jpg) but might change if I find something else.

I really am more concerned in dropping weight in my face and arms because that's going to be where the camera is going to be.

I have a month before the actual event and I want to look my best. Right now I'm EC stacking 25mg E and 200mg C until then with cycling in between. Please let me know if you guys have any tips! If anything I'll probably invest into some Spanx lol.

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[Rant/Rave] binging more and fucking more lately
/u/fruitygrimes [5'5 | CW 123 | BMI 20.47 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 14:14:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zzzwq/binging_more_and_fucking_more_lately/
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binged on chocolate today even though i wasn't even hungry or particularly craving it :/
lately ive been restricting half the time and binging the other half which is pretty much cancelling out any calorie deficit i have. and then i have the nerve to wonder why the scale is giving me the exact same number every day as of late. i really do question whether i have a brain in my head sometimes

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[Rant/Rave] Going to get a tan
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Fri Mar 17 12:56:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zzitc/going_to_get_a_tan/
---
My mom told me I should get tan for my graduation so I'm going to start going to a tanning salon. I feel like such a fraud, I'm fat and ugly and all the girls I see who tan are skinny and beautiful. I don't want to have to be mostly naked at all, even for a short tanning session. I'm pasty as hell though so my mom is right. I'm just so nervous and feel bad.

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[Rant/Rave] Past 3 days I've been eating one meal a day under 1k calories and still haven't lost any weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 12:56:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zzirf/past_3_days_ive_been_eating_one_meal_a_day_under/
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[deleted]

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[Thinspo] [Male Thinspo] lightblew from tumblr. I can't find a single flaw...
/u/95CHOI
Created: Fri Mar 17 12:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zzbqr/male_thinspo_lightblew_from_tumblr_i_cant_find_a/
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https://imgur.com/a/HV8k1

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[Rant/Rave] So sad today, stupid scale
/u/lanabananaaas [5'00 | 118| 23.05 |-20| F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 12:21:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zzaq2/so_sad_today_stupid_scale/
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I've been restricting a lot and thought I lost 20 lbs but it turns out my scale at home is messed up and I only lost 10 according to the scale at the docs office. Just so bummed out, needed to get it off my chest. I was so proud for a while.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm officially in eating disorder treatment.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Mar 17 11:58:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zz5np/im_officially_in_eating_disorder_treatment/
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I just got out of therapy. I'm too thin. I have an eating disorder. Shrink called my husband and my parents and now everyone gets to have a meeting with her, a dietitian, and a psychiatrist. I don't know what to feel. On one hand, I guess I'm happy that I have official permission to eat fear foods again, and on the other, I'm about to be made disgusting. Again. I was just starting to get pretty. I'm so numb. I'm so lost. Scared. Sad.

Update: My dad's pissed at the expense of putting me through treatment and my husband doesn't get it. Tonight he said, "I've already told you you look beautiful at any weight. Who are you trying to impress?? Other guys?!" NOOOO I JUST....AGGGGGHGHGHGHFUUUUUUCK!!!!!

This is the worst day ever. Fuck what anyone says, I can't eat tonight.

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Recovered bulimic with frequent nausea
/u/tnew12
Created: Fri Mar 17 11:49:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zz3fb/recovered_bulimic_with_frequent_nausea/
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[removed]

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Recovered bulimic with frequent nauseo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 11:21:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zyx4h/recovered_bulimic_with_frequent_nauseo/
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[deleted]

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] This pretty much describes me during a binge.
/u/petitewinter [5'7.5" | Fat | -9lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Mar 17 10:26:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zyko9/this_pretty_much_describes_me_during_a_binge/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdG5q9naHqk

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[Rant/Rave] Losing the ability to eat normally at all
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 10:20:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zyjgv/losing_the_ability_to_eat_normally_at_all/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Food scale recommendation?
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 09:30:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zy8kw/food_scale_recommendation/
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I am in desperate need of a good food scale. Estimating has worked fine for me for a while but it still drives me nuts thinking about margin of error so I decided to finally invest in a scale!
I'm usually tempted to buy the cheapest one I can find (like I saw a $3 at Goodwill and there's one on Amazon for like $12) but I also want want that's accurate!!

So anyone have a recommendation? Preferably from Amazon or Walmart but others are okay too!

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How do you eat?
/u/chrissle_ [176cm|hw:106kg|cw:86kg|gw:53kg|F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 09:27:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zy7tg/how_do_you_eat/
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[removed]

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[Thinspo] This girl just followed me. I feel like the thinspo gods dropped a new messias.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 09:25:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zy7dt/this_girl_just_followed_me_i_feel_like_the/
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BQyRIfrA_An/

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Contraceptive pill and purging?
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 08:48:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxznc/contraceptive_pill_and_purging/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] Sandwiching a binge between laxatives?
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Fri Mar 17 08:46:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxz68/sandwiching_a_binge_between_laxatives/
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So I binged a couple days ago after a 7 day fast, and I want to make sure that if it happens again it doesn't effect my progress. I can't purge sadly so I'm thinking if I take a laxative before a binge so that things aren't absorbed, and take one after just to make sure it all comes out as fast as it can, would it be effective? And thank you to everyone who'll say laxatives are horrible for you etc, I appreciate your concern but know that I don't take them regularly and know all the risks. I'm just looking to hear experiences of people who tried this.

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[Thinspo] Reverse thinspo?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 08:33:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxwjh/reverse_thinspo/
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[removed]

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[Discussion] What are some of your fashion tips?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 08:09:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxru3/what_are_some_of_your_fashion_tips/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh ugh ugh
/u/downhillbattle
Created: Fri Mar 17 07:16:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxi6o/ugh_ugh_ugh/
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Last night my bf and I were talking and I said "I'm sorry I'm not tiny and pretty like [our mutual friend]" (because I swear to god she is this petite elf maiden) and his response?

"Don't worry, you ARE pretty!"

Except all I got from his 'reassurance' was that I am not tiny at all lol. Anybody else receive compliments that just end up making you feel bad?

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[Discussion] How are you guys handling St Patty's?
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:54:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxejn/how_are_you_guys_handling_st_pattys/
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Give me your game plan.

I'm a college student, so staying in isn't really an option I would want to consider. But I don't want to gain weight either.

The best idea I've come up with so far is Svedka strawberry lemonade vodka, mixed ugh water and crystal light strawberry lemonade flavoring. Or mixing plain vodka with Powerade zero.

Plain vodka is 70cal per ounce, I can't find if flavored vodka is more calories per ounce. Does anyone know????


And what are you guys drinking? And what are you eating so you can avoid puking?

I'm on mobile - discussion flair

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Heartrate 40-45 BPM?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:29:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zxadl/heartrate_4045_bpm/
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[removed]

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[Goal] After plateauing for 2 weeks, I've finally lost some weight! :D
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:22:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zx99m/after_plateauing_for_2_weeks_ive_finally_lost/
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It's only half a pound, but that's a big deal for me! I haven't lost weight in a while. And like, I'm pretty sure it's not water weight because I've been high cal restricting. I'm back on the right path :] Taking it slow is really working for me.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! March 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:11:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zx7l3/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_march/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for March 17, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host-- Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 17, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zx7k9/daily_food_diary_march_17_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 17, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Goal] My old clothes finally fit!!!
/u/peanutbutteredbanana
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:09:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zx7cl/my_old_clothes_finally_fit/
---
I went from 90ish pounds to 110 due to a shortlived recovery that just made me binge all the time. I haven't weighed myself since, but I could get my size 0 hollister jeans on today! This honestly just made my week tbh. I feel like I'm in control again but at the same time I'm kinda nervous because this means things are getting bad again /: oh well, here's to losing more weight thanks to this shithole of a mental illness!

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[Rant/Rave] i thought attention was a good thing
/u/mikey-way [5'2 | 113.4 | 20.7 | -17 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 06:06:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zx6x0/i_thought_attention_was_a_good_thing/
---
ive always wanted to be the pretty girl who all the boys are secretly in love with. blah blah blah you get the point, right?

i had a boy snapchat me yesterday, & he wouldnt shut up about how good my body looked or my ass looked or whatever.

and im so fucking confused bc this is what i thought i wanted, even if its not the guy i want attention from. shouldnt i flirt back, accept it?

instead, im on here being a bitch. i blocked him and i feel fucking disgusting— i dont know why, just thinking about... i dont want my body to be sexualized. and im scared thats whats happening.

and i thought that that was what i wanted— but instead im sitting here disgusted at myself and i want to starve until i look like a 9 year old. i dont want anyone to look at me and sexualize me.

sorry for the rant, on mobile please tag.

---

[Rant/Rave] St. Patrick's Day and the fucking peanut butter
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Fri Mar 17 05:30:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zx1kf/st_patricks_day_and_the_fucking_peanut_butter/
---
I polished off the other half of the peanut butter jar last night after weighing out my options. I was either going to head to the liquor store and grab a pint of dehydration juice, or eat the peanut butter that I foolishly purchased the day prior because I was sick of depriving myself and feeling like shit. I can't decide whether or not I made the right decision. Sure, I have my sobriety intact & i'm not writhing in the hazy hangover shuffle. But I feel bloated and disgusting. Which feeling is worse? The amount of discipline I feel that I must exert on a daily basis is mind blowing, and I feel like i can never catch a fucking break.

St. Patricks day was always a fucking mess back home. Especially the day of the parade. Assholes from the next town over dressed in their finest guinness t-shirts and festive shamrock attire flooded the city, and most importantly, MY bar. I fucking hated that shit, like most alcoholics do. If I could allow myself to indulge today, i'd have vodka just out of spite.

Anyway, the peanut butter is gone, it's out of my life, it's empty and in the garbage. I've got several water bottles cooling in my mini fridge, and I know what I have to do. here's to another day of rules, discipline, control, and misery so that I may wake up tomorrow morning a little less poofy.

---

[Help] Guys, I need help.
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | 105lbs | 24F 🌼]
Created: Fri Mar 17 04:48:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zwvwq/guys_i_need_help/
---
So sorry, on mobile can't flair.

I have been stuck at the same weight for two weeks. My SO keeps saying to me *'Two weeks isn't even that long'*. Fuck yes it fucking is when you're trapped inside your own head.

I've been restricting religiously to sub 600 cals since January, and this is the first stall I've had. I'm fairly active, walk an average of 10,000 steps a day or whatever and go to the gym for HIIT, weights and cardio every other day.

I've been stuck at 108 for 2 fucking weeks.

2 fucking weeks of walking uphill and getting out of breath. I drink so much water, around 4 litres a day and nothing has changed. I tried a cheat day of around 2000? Nope, no shift.

I tried a thousand laxatives, I tried eating only foods I knew would practically make me shit myself. I tried restricting to sub 300. Nothing. Is. Working.

No, 2 weeks isn't long. But I took a progress photo yesterday... and I'm not joking, I look like I've *gained*.

I don't want to leave the house. I feel so fucking fed up. Why is CICO failing me?! I'm on the implant so really it shouldn't be hormonal changes as I don't have periods anyway. I haven't been eating anything salty for the last couple of days.

THIS MORNING IM 108.4. ARGHHHH.

I'm so sorry for such a long post. I'm just absolutely at my wits end. I just cannot believe that I'm still at this weight when my deficit is so massive :(

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[Help] Experiences with senna tea?
/u/smokesanddietcokes [5'0/F ❣️ CW: 107 ❣️ GW: 95 ❣️ (SW:230//LW:90)]
Created: Fri Mar 17 03:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zwp3i/experiences_with_senna_tea/
---
I have purchased some senna tea. I know laxatives arn't all that helpful for fat loss, but I'm thinking more bloat/water weight loss.

Thing is I'm worried about randomly needing to go when working out and stuff. Anyone have experiences with senna tea? Especially with timescales.

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[Discussion] Starving is my motivation for going to school
/u/peachyoat
Created: Fri Mar 17 03:35:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zwn66/starving_is_my_motivation_for_going_to_school/
---
It's like I would just rather force myself to go to school so I'm not home, if I'm at home I'll just be too tempted to binge but if I go to school and don't take any food with me then I literally cannot eat. Anyone else?

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[Discussion] Kombucha & Nootropics & Meal Prep - Farewell pounds!
/u/pitterpatt [5'5" | CW 125 | BMI 21 | Weight Lost -1 | F]
Created: Fri Mar 17 03:27:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zwmcv/kombucha_nootropics_meal_prep_farewell_pounds/
---
Sorry if I sound super all over the place, been lurking, finally contributing here! yay!

I gained 30 lbs over the last 5 mos. I understand it didnt all come on at once, but I'm super focused on shedding 15 of those lbs.

I'm a huge fan of probiotics -- I'll not even count those calories from yogurts and Kombucha in my dailies... they're so good for your gut, I can forgive drinking an extra Kombucha here and there. The probiotics in the Kombucha are really good for your body and maintaining overall health. So, gallons of this stuff for me these next few weeks.

Has anyone tried nootropics to assist them? Let me know. My nootropic stack, for now, is modafinil/ choline/ 5HTP/ Noopept. They make workouts fucking perfectly efficient. Goal is 1000 cals per workout until I get to 115 and maintain. I think this stack is an ideal mix of wakefullness, endurance enhancement, and mood enhancing to keep me positive and focused while I work out.

I'm also doing meal prep. I bought groceries, researched and measured out every portion size for the next week of the stuff I plan to eat daily. Literally, there are a dozen small plastic containers with EXACTLY 100g of rainbow sherbet ice cream, with dates. Not a binge/purge kind of person, but a big fan of excessive planning and strict regimens. I don't like feeling deprived of stuff I like, but I can portion/plan those things into my 800 calorie days.

Ugh I live in the worlds most impossible town to be slightly with the pudge. I'll feel good about life for like 5 seconds, then I'll see a 110 lbs fitness trainer run across my courtyard and just be like, "ugh... really?... fuuuck Im fat."

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[Discussion] are you mad at people with binge eating and COE and EDNOS that identify as eating disordered?
/u/cestvraiduh
Created: Fri Mar 17 01:50:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zwbxa/are_you_mad_at_people_with_binge_eating_and_coe/
---
I'm not sure if this is a weird question or not. I'm about to do a partial hospitalization program for my ed and (i know this sound pathetic) one of my main concerns is if there are very thin anorexics and bulimics who will be there who resent me being there because I don't have the same kind of eating disorder they do.

---

[Rant/Rave] weed is my anti-depressant
/u/requiemforatardis [5'6.5| CW: 119 GW: 95 | all flubber | LW: 102.5 | 23Agender]
Created: Fri Mar 17 01:24:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zw93f/weed_is_my_antidepressant/
---
i ate a binge but it was all pot brownie calories. i got the munchies and am eating *~°·´¬ t h e b e § t *`°·?*). penuut butturb and butter white bred sandwich. lost weight recently n feel so high.

7/10

would recommend

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[Rant/Rave] I'm back... recovery isn't worth it.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Mar 17 00:39:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zw3ko/im_back_recovery_isnt_worth_it/
---
[deleted]

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[Tip] Hey fam! I started a new account because I've been mia for a bit and I feel like my bf was following me somehow ha 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ Wondering what tips and tricks you guys use for suppressing appetite! Hope everyone's reaching their goals! 💪🏼❤️
/u/starvingsavior
Created: Fri Mar 17 00:25:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zw1vc/hey_fam_i_started_a_new_account_because_ive_been/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] It sucks that even if I lose all of my blubbery disgusting fat, I'll never be this pretty
/u/chr1st1n3h0ng
Created: Thu Mar 16 23:25:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zvu5p/it_sucks_that_even_if_i_lose_all_of_my_blubbery/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/4763416731384628bf7132b1cda46df9?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=e1593431c33c9af57bda363d4b9085d3

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Drunk and bingy
/u/theobeseana
Created: Thu Mar 16 23:20:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zvtgv/rant_drunk_and_bingy/
---
Fuck guys

I'm really drunk and I just binged at mcdonalds. It's probably want even that many cals but I feel like shot. I might pretend like I'm more drunk than I am just so I can throw it all up. I haven't purged in so long but damn I ate like 600 calories and I was already high for the day with alcohol.

I wish I had some control. I'm with so many people and they ordered so much food and didn't even feel guilty. I wish I could be like that and could order so much food like them and just eat and not feel like I need it all out immediately. These beautiful girls at this party are like 3 cheeseburgers and looked beautiful. I look fat eating one fry. I shouldn't have eaten.

I'm sorry for ranting I feel so shitty right now

Maybe I'll shotgun with the boys so that I have an excuse to vomit.

---

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) even in this sub I feel alone?
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Thu Mar 16 22:07:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zvigw/rant_even_in_this_sub_i_feel_alone/
---
I stay here because people here understand the struggle. And I appreciate them because they are raw, and genuine and caring.

But some days I have to avoid coming here.

The daily food logs and the comparison of weights, and how someone lost weight that day or managed to eat under their cal intake

It makes me feel so isolated.

I purge everyday and even when I count calories I doubt I choose the healthiest food to eat. And I don't think I'm doing a good job either. Being a...bulimic is 40% shame that I can't control my food intake sometimes so I guess it makes me feel like a child who can't say no to candy in a candy store.

I just feel kind of alone and numb but I'm happy too

It's kind of an odd feeling

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[Meme/Humor (SUNDAYS ONLY)] What my email account says when you try to retrieve deleted messages :')
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 111 :( | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 21:56:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zvgpu/what_my_email_account_says_when_you_try_to/
---
http://imgur.com/a/z71bL

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[Help] Advice?
/u/bri3600 [5"1' | CW 180lbs | GW 120lbs | lost 5 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 21:01:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zv7xs/advice/
---
I ate 600 calories at 6am this morning. It is now 11pm, I'm not relatively hungry but I am faint and what not. Should I eat anything?

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[Rant/Rave] Disgusted in myself
/u/titanium_moose [5'2" | CW104 | GW97 |20F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 20:56:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zv72h/disgusted_in_myself/
---
So I was visiting my parents for three nights this spring break and as such refused to count calories because I knew I would be eating more than I should to prove to my mother I'm healthy. Well they sent me home with some food, enough for two meals if you are normal, but probably 5 calories worth of meals for me, if not more. Well guess who got drunk and ate all of it. This disgusting bitch. I reached 107.5lbs this week, never been that low and now I'm eating disgusting amounts of food to be "normal." I hate normal. I just want to puke and fast and fucking disappear. Why do I have to be so gross. I physically feel ill right now from all this food so hopefully I can drink enough alcohol that I can just throw it all up and go back to being empty again. Definitely not eating again until Monday.

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) spring break did in fact destroy me lol
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 20:04:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zuy8y/rant_spring_break_did_in_fact_destroy_me_lol/
---
I had a mini freak out binge before I left because I was close to my second goal weight and have a stupid brain so like many of us know the obvious solution to anxiety/excitement is self sabotage 😅

Then I went to Texas for spring break. Decided to be sorta normal and eat and although according to my boyfriend we ate "small" meals, I know from guesstimating calorie counting we ate around 2-3000 calories a day. And besides yesterday didn't walk that much.

I stupidly weighed myself tonight after dinner and have gained about 10 pounds in a week and I want to curl up and die.

On the bright side we found an apartment and applied to it while down there.

I just need to do some damage repair and hope that I'm back down in a week or so. I'm just so disappointed

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[Rant/Rave] Well day one of my relapse was a fucking failure (600 calorie intake)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 16 19:15:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zupcs/well_day_one_of_my_relapse_was_a_fucking_failure/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] Mama June now weighs less than I do.
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 204.6 lbs | -70.4lbs | GW: 115 | 26F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 17:46:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zu8k3/mama_june_now_weighs_less_than_i_do/
---
So, I'll just be over here crying and starving myself til I'm no longer a fat waste. Thanks.

---

Chris Pratt Instagram, completely relatable...
/u/jodi_falls
Created: Thu Mar 16 17:44:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zu87c/chris_pratt_instagram_completely_relatable/
---
https://instagram.com/p/BRt4uw_jh1I/

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[Discussion] Numbers or things you're obsessed with
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Thu Mar 16 16:54:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zty7w/numbers_or_things_youre_obsessed_with/
---
The numbers I'm obsessed with have to do with height and weight. 174cm converts almost exactly to 5'8.5 and 49kg converts almost exactly to 108lbs. Idk I just find it so satisfying to know that these numbers convert so nicely. I really wish I was 5'8.5 and 108lbs.

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[Rant/Rave] The "competition" isn't fun now that I'm "winning"
/u/convincemeimhere [5'2" | CW 101.8 | 19.29% | GW 92]
Created: Thu Mar 16 16:37:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ztusf/the_competition_isnt_fun_now_that_im_winning/
---
She was always the pretty one. I was a chunky kid that held onto most of my baby fat until I hit puberty. To top it off I've always been super short. Whereas my older sister was always tall and skinny. She was a model and an actress and was gorgeous. People could never shut up about how amazing she looked.

I eventually grew up (in years, not height haha) and as an adult I've always stayed trim for the most part. My highest weight was around 120ish. So did she, though, even after having kids. She and I always weighed around the same despite her being more than a head taller than me.

Until a few years ago it was always like this, a friendly competition between us, her always winning out, though. I was always so jealous of her straight, slender frame. I have boxy shoulders and wide hips and it seems like no matter how slender I am I still don't feel even remotely sexy. How did our parents create two so differently shaped children?!

Ever since she turned 35, she got huge. I mean, she usually weighed about 110, now she's pushing 190. It makes me feel sad and she's always talking about how it'll happen to me when I get to her age too. And I think that's what scares me the most. All those years of feeling like she was the pretty one and I was just the dumpy little sister and now it's completely reversed. It doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.

Anyways, thanks for reading, I can't really express this to anyone irl, but I know you lovelies understand these kinds of feelings.

---

[Other] Depression as an excuse to eat
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 16 16:25:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zts8o/depression_as_an_excuse_to_eat/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] Genuine appreciation for the beauty of larger-bodied women (NSFW)
/u/m_inimal
Created: Thu Mar 16 15:54:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ztljl/genuine_appreciation_for_the_beauty_of/
---
Something pretty unpleasant that I see crop up on here occasionally is an expression of hatred or disgust toward fat people. I never feel I can identify with this, primarily because I feel like I’m always only a binge or two away from being fat myself, haha.

But in all seriousness, I don’t get it. Yes, obesity is unhealthy, and yes, there are definitely arguments that can be made against its aesthetic appeal. But beauty is absolutely subjective, and I know many of us on here can identify with complaints of "You’re too thin, you look prepubescent" or "Real women have curves" or whatever other bullshit. Beauty. is. subjective. period.

That said, I think it’s also important to remember that there’s a whole range of weights (most of them healthy) between model-thin and obese. So with this album, I just want to take a minute to appreciate what I see as the genuine aesthetic beauty of women with larger bodies than my own, or larger bodies than I would feel comfortable in myself. I believe these women are beautiful, and I even envy them sometimes, because to me it would be impossible to feel beautiful in that kind of body. In fact, I even admit that as a bisexual woman, these are the kinds of female bodies to which I find myself most sexually attracted.

And yet, this too is the body type I have been grappling with and fighting against since puberty. I’m not trans, nor am I attempting to say that I "understand" the trans experience at all by saying this, but I think the word *dysphoria* is appropriate for how I feel about my naturally thick, curvaceous, hungry body. It’s never felt like my own, and I always feel most "myself" when I’ve lost a significant amount of weight; when my family tells me I’m "emaciated".

Losing weight isn’t about impressing boys. It’s not even about the way other women see me and judge me. It’s about feeling like myself, for once. Here’s to the beautiful women who were born with my body type, and in that body feel like the glorious female expression of themselves that they truly are. I envy and admire you!

[The album](http://imgur.com/a/8nAvk)

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[Rant/Rave] Bought binge food
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 146.4 | 24 | -83.6lbs! | 17f]
Created: Thu Mar 16 15:39:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ztiey/bought_binge_food/
---
I'm so beyond stupid omg

I was planning on bingeing tomorrow so I went out with my mom and bought a bunch of food- cheese danish, ice cream bars, chex mix. She was really happy because she's been worried about my 'diet' (which is ridiculous given that I'm still like 3ish pounds overweight). We also made plans to get shamrock shakes tomorrow and have italian for dinner.

WHY.

WHY DID I DO THIS.

I've even pulled this shit before, it's like I get all manic and decide to eat everything in existance, then come back down and realize that I'm a fucking idiot. We have a house full of food and I don't even want any of it. And to top it all off, I've backed myself into a corner by making plans for tomorrow. WHY.

Ugh it's gonna look so shifty when I don't want to eat this stuff tomorrow. Fml. Why did I do this.

---

[Help] Visiting home...which means no access to an elliptical or my scale. How do you deal?
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Thu Mar 16 14:40:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zt5lm/visiting_homewhich_means_no_access_to_an/
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Kind of losing my shit. I'm here for 5 days and it's so hard not having a scale. I could walk for exercise but it's freezing outside and I'm already cold all the damn time.

I guess there's an upside though - no exercise means I'm less hungry, and not having my scale is making me so damn paranoid about gaining that I've hardly eaten anything. I stayed under 600 calories yesterday for the first time in forever. It feels good. I've been high-restricting for a long time to avoid a binge, but for some reason I never binge at my mom's house so I'm pretty safe, I think. I'll get to weigh myself on the 20th when I go to the doctor, so at least there's that. But if I'm an ounce over 121 I'll cry.

Yesterday I had:

Nonfat cappucino - 60

2 Peter Rabbit Organics strawberry/banana applesauce - 160

1/4 serving of Pad Thai - 230

2 pieces of crunch-munch sushi - 130

1 spoonful of vanilla ice cream (threw the rest away when no one was looking) - ~10(?) calories

**total:** roughly 590

I think if I can stick to that for the next few days, I'll be okay. I'm worried about my weight stalling from constipation though. The second I stop working out and start heavy restriction it's like a 4-lane traffic jam starts in my intestines. I'm also worried I'll crack because last night, despite only sleeping for 6 hours the night before, I absolutely could NOT sleep for shit. I'm even more exhausted today and worried I'll fuck it up and start eating maintenance again. I feel like shit physically, but I feel so, so good mentally. I feel thin. Strong. Better than others. Enviable. Plus my family hasn't seen me in a while so it's nonstop "OMG you look great!" from everybody. I don't want to ruin this trip by eating so much I hate myself.

How do you guys deal with traveling and being away from your preferred workout method/unable to weigh yourself/away from your safe foods?

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[Discussion] Weird goals?
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | 139.1 | 22.54 | -9.1 | 21F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 14:38:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zt52q/weird_goals/
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I'm back after being a fatass for two weeks. Back around 148. Gonna be fasting again. And guess what? Tmi, when I fast around 72hrs, I have green poop. So my goal is green poop. Like how gross is that? That's actually what's inspiring me rn. Any other weird goals?

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[Rant/Rave] Looking at an old photo with my SO
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Thu Mar 16 14:17:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zt0lz/looking_at_an_old_photo_with_my_so/
---
One of my SO's favorite photos of me is from about a year and a half ago when I was just recovering from my ed (lol) and clearly a good 7 lbs lighter than I am now. We were looking at it together this morning when I said, "It's weird to see how much thinner I was," which prompted them to ask how long ago the photo was taken. I don't know why but this response made me feel really sad. Like it was just an affirmation that I'm visibly fatter now than I was in this photo where, honestly, I don't feel like I look particularly thin in the first place. I don't know if they were trying to assess when I had an ed (they know I have a history of disordered eating) or to gently insinuate that I've let myself go in this time period and wanted to know how far long ago it was that I actually looked good. I mean, it's pretty clear that they favor me at that weight since it's their favorite photo of me, although they say it's because of the way my bangs look and because I'm holding a cool animal. Vague details jic they ever find this account hey bb.

---

[Rant/Rave] Holy shit I lost a pound!!! [RAVE]
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Mar 16 14:03:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zsxey/holy_shit_i_lost_a_pound_rave/
---
So it's day 11 of my 800-1000 calories a day restriction, and I am (I'm so sorry) constipated as hell. That's to be expected because I don't have much food my system so I don't... y'know... as often. But I haven't weighed myself in almost a week because I just didn't want to look at the number. I wasn't worried; I know as long as I restrict under my TDEE I *have* to be losing fat. But I was sure that as bloated as I was, I had to have maintained, or maybe gained, since last time.

But today I got brave. I got out the scale and started talking to myself out loud like a weirdo, "Okay. This isn't gonna be the number you want to see, but it's not your real weight. Just take a laxative and drink a ton of water and you'll be fine."

But I stepped on the scale... 107.8!! YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!! And that's even WITH the bloating!!!

---

[Rant/Rave] I relapsed :(
/u/DerangedButFun [5'6" | CW 181/ GW 130 | 29.2 | -24 | f]
Created: Thu Mar 16 12:52:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zshok/i_relapsed/
---
(On mobile, cannot flair)
So I relapsed. This author I follow started a liquid fast "for compassion" (she's only drinking fresh vegetable juice) but some of her posts are thinspo as fuck ("Nothing tastes better than size 4!"). Needless to say I was triggered pretty badly and ended up relapsing. Only had 15 cals today and that was a glucose tablet.
I'm scared - the last time I relapsed it led to me being dumped by my now ex-fiance and kicked out of our home. I'm pretty fat though so maybe this time since I live by myself right now no one will notice.

---

[Thinspo] Daily MALE thinspo.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Thu Mar 16 12:12:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zs8uj/daily_male_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/dzfwo2cm9tly.jpg

---

[Thinspo] My Ultimate Thinspo - Thin White Duke era Bowie
/u/lakeeffectboy [5'2.75" | 134 | 24.64 | :( | FtM]
Created: Thu Mar 16 11:23:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrxp4/my_ultimate_thinspo_thin_white_duke_era_bowie/
---
http://imgur.com/a/zlX8v

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[Rant/Rave] Constant temptations?
/u/ruralfishingcat [5'5 | 124 | 20.8 | - 3 | 21 F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 10:53:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrr21/constant_temptations/
---
This is definitely a rant lol but I'm on mobile.

I've been craving donuts for weeks now and this morning I was so close to giving in but I resisted and ate a banana instead. Then after my class I walk pass the quad and a club shouts out that they're selling donuts for a buck.

Like. Why life. Why of all the times. I couldn't even look in their direction and had to take an alternative path but I can't stop thinking about it. How do you guys resist when there's convenient, cheap food? (Especially when you're a broke college student)

---

[Help] Kind of random but can someone estimate the calories in this coffee for me? The App won't update very well, the whip was only about a table spoon [on mobile sorry automod]
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Mar 16 10:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrpxm/kind_of_random_but_can_someone_estimate_the/
---
https://i.reddituploads.com/76f3fce2de114bfca08716c1caa0b0d2?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=4292158019a7840b816428e7a31e632a

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[Rant/Rave] Hands up who binged today :):):)
/u/babylemonadexx [5'7" 🌈 | 110 🍦| 16.7 🍟 | F 🌸]
Created: Thu Mar 16 10:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrltg/hands_up_who_binged_today/
---
Bonus points if it was your first one in weeks and you'd almost forgotten how incredibly worthless it makes you feel!

The worst part is feeling like such a **faker**. Like how can I have the nerve to show myself in an ED forum when I've just shoved 194821030kg worth of food down my throat?

Kill me, shoot me, end my suffering, etc etc

---

[Discussion] Healing piercings while restricting?
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'9.5" | 124 | 17.66 | -59 | F 🌻]
Created: Thu Mar 16 10:13:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zria8/healing_piercings_while_restricting/
---
Alright guys, I've had my cartilage pierced before but after some bad jewelry and an infection it closed. I'm really considering getting it again but I'm worried about the healing process. My body was already struggling to accept the piercing before, I'm worried it won't be *able* to heal if I'm moderately restricting.

---

[Discussion] Period/Amenorrhea questions
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Thu Mar 16 09:53:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrdu1/periodamenorrhea_questions/
---
Can't flair on mobile :(

I haven't had my period for two months. I know it isn't that long, but it's the first time it's been gone due to low body fat. I am 5'9", 115.
I am maintaining (ish) to make sure I stay between 115 and 120. I have a strenuous job as well as physically demanding hobbies.
Aaaaaanyway I have an appointment with my OBGYN on April 1. I know I need the Pap smear but I don't want to tell them about my missing periods. I'm not at a risk of getting pregnant (queer), so do I really need to tell them? Can they tell?
I'm already nervous about being weighed but I think I'm just going to drink water and maybe eat a really filling soup or something.
Basically, I just want them to check on my cervix without the fear of them finding out about my eating issues. I'm pretty close to cancelling it, but I know I need the Pap smear.

---

[Help] What do you do about friends who pressure you to go out to eat?
/u/Crunchyricecake
Created: Thu Mar 16 09:44:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrbry/what_do_you_do_about_friends_who_pressure_you_to/
---
Hey guys, I've never posted here before just been lurking a while. I'm on mobile so I can't tag my post.

I'm sure many of you have the same problem as me, that one friend that ALWAYS wants to go out to eat. We used to be roommates and we would go out for multiple meals a day living an extremely unhealthy lifestyle. I moved out and lost a lot of weight. It's been a few years since then and she moved back into town about a year ago.

We both have gained some weight since then but she might actually be obese now. I've been trying to get her to join my gym and try to put off eating when I'm with her but I'm giving up on helping her now. The only thing I can do is try to save myself from falling into her unhealthy lifestyle with her.

I love hanging out with her but all she ever wants to do is go out to eat or drink alcohol. I've been avoiding her by acting like I'm busy at work and going to the gym during the week but I feel like I can't always avoid it. It gives me anxiety because I don't feel like I'm in control anymore. I'll eat a lot for a week and one day decide I'm gonna finally restrict and she asks me to get food with her because "you bailed today and ruined my lunch let's get dinner tonight" and "I NEED (insert favorite restaurant here).

I'm tired of being pressured to go out to eat and I'm getting stressed out trying to avoid it. I want to stay friends with her I just don't want everything we do to be centered around eating and drinking.

---

[Rant/Rave] God, I'm so BORED
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 59 | GW: < 57 | UGW: 55 | 19.71/19.48 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 09:44:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zrbqm/god_im_so_bored/
---
I didn't realize how much of my brain was taken up by food. What I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat it, how I'm going to make it, ACTUALLY making it. Today food hasn't once sounded appealing. And I'm at a brick wall with my code I haven't had anything to do (not really, but I tried doing busy work and couldn't be fucked).

God I just want it to be 5 so I can go to class and kill 2 1/2 hours before going to a friends place.

This sounds like a rant (and it kind of is) but I'm definitely not complaining. :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Record highest weight
/u/EmpireStateBitch [5'4" | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 08:46:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zqzgl/record_highest_weight/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness, and cleanliness is godliness, and God is empty just like me.
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|106|18.8|F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 07:47:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zqnn2/emptiness_is_loneliness_and_loneliness_is/
---
https://i.redd.it/uhezt7z2yrly.jpg

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[Other] Can anyone guess who is glad they have the flu?
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 07:26:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zqjzg/can_anyone_guess_who_is_glad_they_have_the_flu/
---
Haha ugh I wanna puke. I'm so weak. I had to eat something because I'm a mom and I have mom things I have to do. So i had some blueberries. BUT I really am craving cereal but that's a binge food for me and I do feel like throwing up. Like who thinks of binging when they are too sick to eat or move? I do I guess.

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[Rant/Rave] I don't know how to be an adult
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 16 06:33:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zqav3/i_dont_know_how_to_be_an_adult/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] How the FRICK am I gaining weight
/u/mind_bodygames [5'4" | 119.8 | 20.97 | -21 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 06:23:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zq95p/how_the_frick_am_i_gaining_weight/
---
Edit: Thank you so much for all the support guys. I think I'm having some issues with my electrolytes/water retention and that's causing the weight gain. Had an electrolyte supplement the other day and peed like 100 times!

I'm raging. For the past few weeks I've been eating at a deficit, working out, etc etc. I've been METICULOUS with my calorie counting. Not eating back calories burned. It was going great, I was down almost 7 pounds. Then this weekend things went wrong somehow.

Sunday, I was 118.8. Monday, 119.8. Tuesday, 120.2. Wednesday, 120.6. Today? FUCKING 121.2.

I'm so mad I'm crying. Yesterday I had 931 calories and burned over 2000. I chugged water. I pooped. How the hell did I GAIN .6 pounds???

I'm losing inches, I just measured, so that's a relief but I don't know what the fuck is going on that the scale keeps going up. Could it be broken? Is it water weight? I'm freaking out.

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support March 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 16 06:07:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zq6hf/weekly_emotional_support_march_16_2017/
---

We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 16, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Mar 16 06:07:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zq6gn/daily_food_diary_march_16_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Rant/Rave] 26 and falling apart
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW146 | 23.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Thu Mar 16 05:50:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zq3ux/26_and_falling_apart/
---
Sorry - mobile, no flair. Should be 'rant/rave'

This feels incredibly self-indulgent because I am so new here but I need these thoughts to exist outside my head. There's nowhere else to go and I am screaming internally.

My eating disorder story starts in January 2015. My boyfriend of almost 6 years broke up with me out of the blue and quickly started the girl he 'told me not to worry about'. I was heartbroken but had to keep it together enough to function at work. During times of immense trauma my default response is to lose my appetite completely. We had existed in a bit of a relationship bubble so losing him meant losing my best friend too. I felt permanently nauseated and could, at best, stomach some crackers and some water. Suffice it to say that, without trying, the weight fell off. Within a period of maybe 3 months I went from 65kg to 54kg. People at work started to notice, I had to buy new clothes. Initially the comments were affirming (I had never been overweight before, always the upper side of normal) but by May it was a daily occurrence for people to come up and say 'isn't your mother worried about you' or 'why are you getting so tiny'. With the attention, both positive and negative, I started to feel the happiest I had ever felt. Losing my boyfriend was a gift. I was thin, I was beautiful and men were showing me so much attention. I just felt like I could conquer anything. What power and control. I was a ball of feisty energy and life had taken a change for the infinite better.

Then I moved to the UK to start a masters programme and things fell off a cliff. Life back home had never felt so good so life in the UK, by comparison, felt grey and sad. I made some friends but find that I just don't quite fit in. During my time in the UK I found out that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and that the period of warped eating in 2015 had wreaked havoc on my insulin response. The weight started to creep back on and the hormonal imbalance meant the carb and sugar cravings were insane. Thus, an extended period of purging ensued. By March 2016 my cheeks were permanently puffy and I had managed to burst a blood vessel in my eye. Adding exercise into the mix only made things worse - it wasn't healthy, it was just another way of purging.

I managed to lose some weight between March and June 2016 (from about 64kg - 57kg) and was happy. I went back home for the summer and looked like I had only gained a small amount of weight. Nobody knew what had really been happening behind the scenes since October 2015. During the summer I finally ended up in a relationship with my best friend (who I am still with now, love to death and want to be with forever) but my weight EXPLODED. Between June 2016 and October 2016 I managed to gain about 9kg. I went back to the UK and I had never been heavier in my life. In my mind I thought it would be easy to just resume the behaviour I had been so successful at the previous year. I was so wrong.

Since then I have managed to touch 64kg but spike right back up in a matter of days. I go between periods of restriction, extreme exercise (and occasional throwing up, but luckily that's infrequent). Over the past few days I have been crushed by an extreme hunger that I cannot fight. It feels like life or death. No matter how much I eat I still feel like I am absolutely starving [as an aside: has anyone else ever experienced this? I mean hunger beyond the normal, this is hunger as though my life literally depends on it even if I have eaten a full meal]

All I want is to be thin again. I felt, directly, how differently people treat thin people and I crave that validation. I want to be tiny. I just want to feel confident. I feel stuck inside my own head with nowhere to go and no one to tell. In the UK I am completely alone. I can easily go through a day without speaking to another person.

To make it worse, on top of everything that has happened, I found out that I was pregnant in January. Because I have PCOS I thought that I would never have children. It took 8 weeks of waiting and agonising before I decided to terminate the pregnancy. I know it was the right decision but that doesn't stop me feeling like a monster every single day. My boyfriend thinks I'm fine but he lives in my home country so he doesn't see that every day gets worse and worse. I feel like the world is closing in around me and I can't breathe.

My dissertation is due at the end of April but I cannot focus on anything but my weight. I don't understand how this was so easy 18 months ago but the most impossible task now. I just can't do this anymore.

This is long. I'm not sure who will read it. But putting it in words has been cathartic. I should have my life together by now but it's falling apart.

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[Rant/Rave] Self sabotage
/u/420blazefiend [5'4'' | CW:56.6 | GW: 54 | 20.8 | HW: 70 | F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 04:52:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zpvvk/self_sabotage/
---
My boyfriend put his arm around my waist and told me I had lost weight

My friend kept on telling me how skinny I look

I ate 3 chocolate puddings last night and half a tub of peanut butter because clearly I just hate myself and can't hold on to the nice things

Fasting the rest of the day so I feel less like a piece of shit

---

[Discussion] Please tell me I'm not alone
/u/missciara
Created: Thu Mar 16 03:23:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zpkzy/please_tell_me_im_not_alone/
---
This is just a big Ol' rant sorry guys.
Mobile, can't flair.

I'm 5'8.5" and BMI 16.8 at the moment, not that that really has much to with this; I can't restrict beneath 1100ish for more than a day without feeling ridiculously tired and worn-down.

I know that normal people don't do this blah blah but why don't I get that anorexic energy high where you can survive off of 200 a day and have no lack of motivation? It bugs me so much and is the reason I end up b/p'ing all the time, all day every day??

Someone tell me they feel me on this one. Maybe it's because I'm tall-ish for a female and just generally require more food to sustain my body? I'm just completely incapable of low restriction like half the ppl on here.

---

[Thinspo] [Thinspo] Nara from Hello Venus is so sexy
/u/imnevergold [5'6 | 112 | 18.15 | -15 | F |]
Created: Thu Mar 16 02:53:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zphmi/thinspo_nara_from_hello_venus_is_so_sexy/
---
https://i.redd.it/mdrqs4drhqly.gif

---

[Tip] Chip Alternative
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Mar 16 02:32:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zpfba/chip_alternative/
---
[deleted]

---

[Rant/Rave] So Far, Juice Fasting is My Friend
/u/TarotWoman88 [5'8''| BMI 25.5 | -123 |F]
Created: Thu Mar 16 00:55:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zp47g/so_far_juice_fasting_is_my_friend/
---
Okay, so I've been in a really gross water fasting/moderate binge cycle for 3 months now that escalated into a fast/massive binge/purge cycle about two weeks ago. I needed to cut that out.

I saw a post on here about juice fasting, and decided that it certainly couldn't hurt to try. I know some people find juice fasting harder than water fasting, but I was literally desperate to break my cycle and transition into higher restriction and FINALLY get to a normal BMI.

I'm 48 hours in, and this is amazing so far. I feel great. I'm not thinking about food. I have enough energy to do moderate-to-vigorous exercise. I'm not doing a truly clean juice fast because I'm still drinking cold brew and diet cokes...but it's working. I'm consuming 600ish calories per day, and I'm going to try to bump that up to 800 (which seems like a very sustainable amount for me).

Yes, this can be really expensive. While I wait for my Jus by Julie 3-day pack to be delivered, I'm drinking Suja cold pressed juices that I've bought on sale with coupons. However, it's actually surprisingly easy to find high-end juicers on Craigslist for less than $30. I'm getting one tomorrow, and I'll start making my own juices using local veggies that are sold super cheap at the farm stand.

Like, I know this is all super disordered still. And I obviously can't sustain a juice fast forever. But I'm proud of myself for harm reduction!

Tl;Dr is that juice fasting is going well so far.

Has anyone else juice fasted? Experiences?

---

[Other] Favorite motivational (Ed) music?
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |160lbs|23.5| Male]
Created: Thu Mar 16 00:25:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zp0fn/favorite_motivational_ed_music/
---
I've noticed I have music from when I was at my thinnest that triggers my ED thoughts and makes restricting easier, somehow... What's your guys' soundtrack?

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[Discussion] Anyone else has those "Life is awful but I lost weight, so there is that!" moments?
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW 114lb | GW 108lb | UGW 98lb |F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 22:33:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zoktk/anyone_else_has_those_life_is_awful_but_i_lost/
---
I had an anxiety episode this week, they are absolutely awful and I suffer from panic attacks to suicidal thoughts at the drop of a hat, YET when they happen I lose my apetite. And guess what? Today my weight finally dropped from the plateau i've been in for weeks now.

So now I'm thinking *"Yes I had an anxiety episode, it was fucking hell, but hey, I lost weight!"* which is sad, but too real.

Anyone can relate?

---

[Thinspo] [Thinspo] Thin, striking, gorgeous... perfect.
/u/realbutterflybaby [5'1" | CW: 110 | UGW: 85 | -21 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 22:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zofpq/thinspo_thin_striking_gorgeous_perfect/
---
http://imgur.com/a/gsHV2

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[Help] How do I make sure I'm only losing fat and not muscle?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 21:40:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zocf0/how_do_i_make_sure_im_only_losing_fat_and_not/
---
Would cardio such as jump rope help with that?

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[Discussion] DAE eat after b/p
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Mar 15 20:53:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zo4de/dae_eat_after_bp/
---
after b/p does anyone eat like yogurt or a banana or vitamins even though it's like 10 pm at night

I hate night eating but I feel like its become a routine now....

---

[Rant/Rave] My mother wants me to gain weight because she's insecure
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Mar 15 19:25:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zno3f/my_mother_wants_me_to_gain_weight_because_shes/
---
My mother is actually a monster.
I brought her food to her from the kitchen and she offered me her fries. I said no and she said why and I told her I don't want any fries. And she kept asking me why and I said because I DON'T want fries.

That answer did not satisfy her, she wanted me to say something about either being on a diet, watching my calories, or losing weight, so that she could comment on my weight gain. So of course SHE brings it up herself, since I clearly wasn't going to. After I told her no, she said, "but it's okay you already gained all the weight back"

1) that makes absolutely no sense if I "gained" all the weight back, why the fuck would I want fries?!
2) No, I didn't gain ALL the weight back I gained 10 pounds
3) My mom is jealous, bitter, bitch who is happier with herself the more I weigh and she actually needs to fuck off.

I don't know why tf she is like this, she runs like 50+ miles a week, she burns a shit ton of calories and she can eat a SHIT ton off calories, I can't. She is at a normal BMI, but she's clearly insecure about her body, her eating habits, or something idfk, and takes it out on me, she actually needs to sort her shit out.

I wish I could tell her to fuck off, but fighting with her is so emotionally draining, so I just politely said "please don't make comments it's rude" which I'm proud of because she thrives off of riling me up and fighting with me because she has the mentality of a bitchy 15 year old girl.

---

[Help] What's the most important nutrient/macro to prevent light-headedness/fainting?
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:☠]
Created: Wed Mar 15 19:15:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5znm5x/whats_the_most_important_nutrientmacro_to_prevent/
---
I'm starting to get worried about passing out at work, I've been very light-headed the past few days and it's making it hard since I'm still new to this job and learning the ropes. What do I need to be focusing on to prevent this? Electrolytes? Sugar? Protein? Is it purely a calorie thing? I don't burn too many calories (mainly just stand at a cash register for 8 hours) so I would like to continue heavily restricting/fasting.

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[Rant/Rave] I still don't want to recover.
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Wed Mar 15 18:32:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zne0u/i_still_dont_want_to_recover/
---
(Mobile so can't flair)
I've been hospitalized at 121 (5'7) for 17 days, and now I've been a partial program for a week but I still have no motivation, I've been basically mechanically eating to get by. I so badly want to restrict but at the same time I'm so hungry... I never had an appetite before the hospital but now the urge to binge/purge is so strong but I don't want to disappoint anyone... i just want to give up and keep restricting again

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[Rant/Rave] Appetite suppressant is fucking awesome, but now my stomach is bloated in a different way.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 18:26:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zncvp/appetite_suppressant_is_fucking_awesome_but_now/
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[deleted]

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[Help] going on a dinner date.
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 17:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zn75w/going_on_a_dinner_date/
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hi everyone. so last night i had my first date with this guy who seems pretty awesome so far, and he's asked me to go out to dinner tonight. i'm just beginning to feel really stressed out, i don't like people seeing me eat, especially in a date setting. he asked me where i wanted to go and i just started getting anxious when he asked what i was craving and i just told him to choose.

also yesterday we were talking about disneyland and he mentioned something about seeing overweight people eating massive disneyland food portions there so now i know it's something that he notices.

i don't know what i'm posting for, support maybe, i'm just feeling increasingly nervous and i know many of you share this same anxiety about eating in public.

sigh. i wish i could just be excited and have fun.

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It's a hard time
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 17:34:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zn2ct/its_a_hard_time/
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[deleted]

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[Help] Bough Bronkaid...now what?
/u/paytontanner94 [5'4 | CW 122| UGW: 112 l 25F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 16:20:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zmn2i/bough_bronkaidnow_what/
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I searched the archive for answers (and Google) but I really wasn't satisfied, so I was hoping you all may be able to help me. I bought Bronkaid for the first time after hearing so much about it here. I should take it with caffeine pills? Is that right? Why do I need to do that?

So, if I take it tomorrow morning (around 8 or so) then I should take one 200mg caffeine pill and one Bronkaid pill? And then should I do that again before I plan to work out (around 3)?

And it should help to suppress my hunger and burn fat?

**I hate that I messed up the title...BOUGHT! BOUGHT! BOUGHT!

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[Thinspo] Precious Child - My Little Problem (NSFW) Trigger Warnings
/u/LokiKota
Created: Wed Mar 15 16:18:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zmmlg/precious_child_my_little_problem_nsfw_trigger/
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I saw this [music video] (https://youtu.be/7i3LwKyEyQk) on a music subreddit and went on the website and it looks like the singer has an eating disorder. He wrote some stuff on his website that I found to be super triggering...so thought r/proED would like it. It made me feel really intense.

What do you think?



Enjoy!!!!

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend thinks I am not attracted to him, but the truth is I'm not attracted to myself (because of my stupid binging problem)
/u/jessamini [5'5 | 116.5 | GW 100 |19F 🌸]
Created: Wed Mar 15 16:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zmmjy/my_boyfriend_thinks_i_am_not_attracted_to_him_but/
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He doesn't understand or doesn't listen to me no matter how many times, how many different ways I try to explain it. I want to cry because I see how I am hurting him, but he keeps thinking I am making up excuses to make him feel better. I am not. He has body image problems too, so he says "I understand but I can push through it, why can't you??" but it's *different*. Even if we turn off the lights, even if I put on baggy clothes, I AM STILL DISGUSTING. My fat doesn't sleep when the lights are off.

We are on spring break and I know he was so excited to be off school, so we could spend all day in bed together But stupid Jessamine had to go and binge the very first day, and the second and the third..I have put on 5 pounds, maybe more. It's gross. It's retched. And he just won't listen to me.

I don't know what to do. I can't even touch myself because I feel so poorly about the way I look, and I tell him this but all I get is "you're lying, it's okay I know you are not attracted to me. You don't have to say those things anymore."

why is this happening to me

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[Discussion] Obsessed with IP
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Wed Mar 15 16:05:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zmjsf/obsessed_with_ip/
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I have this embarrassing obsession with getting into IP. I guess I feel like my disorder is valid if I get there or something. Maybe it has to do with wanted to feel cared for. I haven't really figured it out yet. It's my goal to get sick enough to be involuntarily admitted though. Does anyone else feel like this?
On mobile please flair.

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[Thinspo] "This is my body. The only thing that I own entirely."
/u/MissRestricter
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zm3b8/this_is_my_body_the_only_thing_that_i_own_entirely/
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I heard this lyric in a The Front Bottoms song, I think it was Ginger? But it hit me so hard. I love it so much.

This really is my body. I do whatever I want with it. I'm the only one who owns it, and the only one who will ever own it. Nobody but me tells me how much to weigh, what to look like, how much to eat, how to dress. It's just me. I can restrict however much I want. I've promised a few people that "I'll eat more" and "I won't weigh less than 130 lbs" but y'know what? Screw those promises.

I'm mine.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm losing weight faster than expected! But it's making me super anxious...
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 136.8 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -17.2 lbs]
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:38:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zm0a9/im_losing_weight_faster_than_expected_but_its/
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It gives me anxiety that I can't accurately calculate my weight loss. I've been looking at a lot of online TDEE calculators and they all gave me an estimate of ~1750 kcal. I meticulously measure my food and use the calorie deficit to create projections of my daily/weekly/monthly weight loss.

I started restricting like this, weighing and measuring my food, projecting weight loss over two years ago and I got down to my goal weight of 105 lbs and maintained for a while. One day, something snapped and I started binge eating. It got very out of control.

Now, I've returned to my old habits of weighing, counting, measuring and it all feels so rights--everything makes sense. The only thing that doesn't make sense is that I'm losing weight faster than I should be. It should be a good thing, but it makes me uncomfortable. If I can't predict my weight loss now, what's to say that one day it won't just stop?

I know that eating less calories than you burn will always make you lose weight and that these are just irrational, anxious thoughts in the back of my mind... but I really need to know how to accurately calculate TDEE. How much activity is "sedentary" vs. "light" vs. "moderate?" I hate all the ambiguity.

I know dealing with ambiguity is something that I need to overcome. The days where I can't weigh/measure my food (like when I'm out with friends or drinking alcohol) are the days I most want to binge and the days I'm most likely to binge... But at the moment, I can't deal with all these uncertainties.

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[Discussion] DAE Substitute baby food for binge foods?
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:27:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlxn3/dae_substitute_baby_food_for_binge_foods/
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I've been coming down from a 2 month long binge, and trying to find things to replace my normal binge foods to soften the blow. I work at a retail store that sells cheese puffs, arrowroot cookies, little microwave meals, etc, for babies. I've gotten a few as it's (relatively) the same taste for hundreds of calories less.

Anyone else do this? It's always awkward for me at checkout, cuz I'm a minor with no excuse to be buying these things, and I get odd looks from coworkers. But I feel like I've found a good solution.

Thoughts?

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[Discussion] What are your favourite food game apps?
/u/itscirclejerky [5'3 | CW: 130 | GW: 93 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:20:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlvzz/what_are_your_favourite_food_game_apps/
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(On mobile)
A huge part of EDs is obsessing over food. I obsess by playing food games like World Chef and Ramsay Dash and watching cooking related shows.
Other than the two I listed before, I can't find any games I like since the graphics aren't good enough for me.
What games do you guys like to play?

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[Tip] Guy Fieri stuffs his face so you don't have to... (I watch this when I feel like binging, clears it right up lol!)
/u/donniellama [5'6 | 135 | GW: 118 | F/22]
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:17:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlvfa/guy_fieri_stuffs_his_face_so_you_dont_have_to_i/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAIgCb3cctE

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[Discussion] This extremely triggering article from a recovered bulimic
/u/taeyeons-comrade [5'6" | 127 | 20.5 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:12:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlua7/this_extremely_triggering_article_from_a/
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https://www.preciouschild.com/nedawareness

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[Rant/Rave] Making up for my binge days
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:10:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zltqo/making_up_for_my_binge_days/
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On mobile, can't flair. I've done awfully recently. Two days ago I ate more than my entire calorie budget FOR BREAKFAST. Luckily today I am well under so I'm gonna keep this up. I'm feeling good about this. I'm gonna get there. Just need to keep restricting. I can do this.

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[Rant/Rave] I discovered the boy I had a crush on was just playing with me. Need some support
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:06:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlstn/i_discovered_the_boy_i_had_a_crush_on_was_just/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] My new goal isn't too lose weight, it's to fast until I faint
/u/Jellygator0
Created: Wed Mar 15 14:04:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlsfs/my_new_goal_isnt_too_lose_weight_its_to_fast/
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I've realised that one of my biggest struggles is with not being able to accept how slowly the scale goes down. I see people here say how they're happy that they've lost 3 pounds a week but in my head I'm just screaming with frustration because the scale only moved down 1.5kg IN A WHOLE FREAKING WEEK. I understand that's not reasonable but that's just how I feel - it seems unfair that all my suffering throughout the week equals a number that starts with ONE.

Of course, this leads to be binging and giving up. Then I see what happens when I give up. Then I want to die.

It's probably worth mentioning here that I've got a history of being self destructive - do I enjoy smoking? No. But the pain is nice. I deserve it. Do I like alcohol? No. But I'm weak if I can't chug it all, even if I land in the ER. So I've decided to apply this to restricting - in my mind, losing weight is a 'positive' no matter the means, so I've decided to shift my focus to restricting until I pass out. And you're not going to believe this, but it's SOOOOO much easier now. If I'm trying to lose weight and get hungry I can justify a few calories here and there and still expect big results, but if I'm trying to pass out then I've got to completely fast. Anything less won't work - there's no more justifying.

I have fantasies of passing out at uni, being offered those glucose supplements and turning my head away. I know that's so messed up but I want people to find out about my ED. I want them to worry. To care.

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[Discussion] Calories question
/u/jizzymt [5'8"|149lbs|-20|BMI 22.6|F|GW3: 140|UGW: 120?]
Created: Wed Mar 15 13:31:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlkpa/calories_question/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Kind of hate surprises
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 13:29:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlk73/kind_of_hate_surprises/
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It's spring break and I'm home with my boyfriend's family. So I'm eating dinner with them every day (thankfully I'm on my own for breakfast/lunch). They are very spontaneous (?) with what we have for dinner so it's hard for me to get through the day all stressed about what I'm eating that night.

Today I thought I did okay cause I logged everything including dinner at ~700 calories. Well, it also happens to be very close to my birthday and I was expecting my boyfriend to get me a cupcake at some point (which I think I deserve!). Nope. He got a whole cake. An entire cake. But dammit I'm gonna eat that cake, it's my birthday.

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[Discussion] Confusing facts about weightloss?
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |51 kg | 19 | 7 kg | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 13:18:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlhir/confusing_facts_about_weightloss/
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There's a few things that are repeated when respectable news sources talk about weightloss. One, for me, is that your body doesn't recognize the calories that are in liquid form. I feel there is a huge difference how I feel after I've drank something with calories, like drinkable yogurt, or some low-cal energy drink. Do you have similar experiences?

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[Other] Diet Pepsi
/u/SwedishKaiser
Created: Wed Mar 15 12:53:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zlbi1/diet_pepsi/
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I've been having a bad eating streak (1200 calories+) for weeks. I never got above maintainance but it still feels dirty. I have an agreement with my SO to not go below 1200 calories and even though I'm allowed to eat lower, it has to go back to 1200 if I'm feeling faint or bad. I think this is really fair as I'm trying my best to be really healthy for him.

BUT, today I couldn't resist and I had my first day in weeks where I only ate around 900 calories and walked a LOT. I bought a diet pepsi and when I got home I opened it and drank it, 3/4 in I noticed little spiders at the bottom of it (ugh, what the fuck). It's expensive and I DID NOT want to end up hitting 1000, so I drank it anyways....and I don't regret it. I'm disgusting.

Even when I'm on binge 1500+ calories in a few minutes mode, I eat stuff I don't even like and I'll eat it in whatever condition is in. FML. Why can't I just be normal?

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[Discussion] Morning or Night?
/u/ThisIsGumpy
Created: Wed Mar 15 12:02:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zkzk1/morning_or_night/
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I have decided to go to a one meal a day restriction but I can't decide on breakfast or after work?
Do any of you do this, and which time is easier for you?

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo and my favorite picture in the world rn.
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Wed Mar 15 11:55:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zkxzq/daily_thinspo_and_my_favorite_picture_in_the/
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https://i.redd.it/6rnoszvm1mly.jpg

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[Other] Why does purging feel so good?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 11:20:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zkpu5/why_does_purging_feel_so_good/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] If you had to have the same Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner every day, what would it be?
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4 |113lbs |19.78 |-19 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 11:09:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zkne0/if_you_had_to_have_the_same_breakfast_lunch_and/
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For the rest of your life. As in, if you're too deficient you could die.


Also, you're not required to eat all of it.


Edit: you can have a different thing for each meal haha

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh, i know i just vented yesterday bjt ugh
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 10:42:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zkh44/ugh_i_know_i_just_vented_yesterday_bjt_ugh/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] How to recover from a binge by me
/u/sewnp [5'6"/h8 myself/NB/UGW:90]
Created: Wed Mar 15 10:15:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zkb0f/how_to_recover_from_a_binge_by_me/
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Step 1 realizations and coming to terms with what happened and how much of what happened.

This is the self hating phase and the most difficult imo. I'm out of my daze and in reality after fucking up my life. It sucks.

Step 2 commit to quit
I always tell myself that I'm going to fast the day after a binge to 'get back on track' and help myself through this. It helps a little but any relief is bullshit.

Step 3 either go through your plan or repeat the binge
The loop part of this, where you can end up restricting a lot and then fall back into a binge and thus repeat the process.

Hi my name is sewnp and I binged and hate myself. 👋

mobile/rant

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Binge went truly out of control
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW:190lb | CW:150.1lb | GW:90lb | 27.5/28.4 | -39.9lb]
Created: Wed Mar 15 09:21:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zjykq/rant_binge_went_truly_out_of_control/
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I had planned a binge for yesterday. To the T. I was still going to be at a slight deficit. It was going great until 9pm... When my baby sister came into my room crying that she was 2 weeks late and she might be pregnant. She is 15. No job, and so she couldn't afford a test and I'm the only person she could trust.

I pulled money out of my savings and bought her two tests. But I was so stressed and freaking out for her that I also bought junk food and crammed it into my mouth. You wouldn't believe how much you can eat in 3 minutes while waiting for the results.

Luckily, they were both negative. But I still continued to binge. I don't even know why because the stress was over? I was doing so good until then.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate snow days
/u/french__toasted [5'9" | CW:too much | GW: 115 | -13 | F21]
Created: Wed Mar 15 09:08:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zjvo4/i_hate_snow_days/
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I go to a university that is pretty notorious for never having snow days, and today we are having the second snow day in a row! I'm stuck inside my apartment all day and it's so hard to keep from eating. Whenever I'm restricting I stay away from home as long as possible since just being around food is hard for me, particularly when there is no one around to judge me for eating.

I wish I could distract myself from food, but it's so hard because I have a lot of studying to do, and one of my bad habits is eating to counteract the stress of studying. I ate around 1200 yesterday which is less than my TDEE, but I had been keeping it around 600 recently so it felt like a failure. I'm afraid today is going to be the same... or worse. Plus I'm not even getting all my steps in cause my apartment is tiny. Can this snow just melt already?

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[Rant/Rave] I've decided to stop punishing myself
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 08:46:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zjr5b/ive_decided_to_stop_punishing_myself/
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I am going to just eat under 850 instead of trying for 200 to make up for my mistake. It's over. It's done. The scale is normal and I've been horrible to my family because my low blood sugar. I'm eating a chicken sausage that is 100 cals. It was delicious. And I haven't had meat in days. And I didn't binge because I have a plan that isn't going to make me super crazy. It feels good to let go of guilt like that. Sorry I just wanted to rave on haha.

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[Discussion] DAE lose weight in increments?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 134.48lbs | BMI 20.14 |- 26lbs | GW 127lbs | 24F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 06:41:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zj3ux/dae_lose_weight_in_increments/
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Over the past few years I have been losing weight in stages

So i started off at 73, and was so happy when i reached 68

68 became a happy weight of 64

Before Christmas i got down to 62 and I'm currently on 65/64 and looking to get down to 61.

I feel like my weightloss isn't going on a steady slope but it's instead reaching certain "bands" of weight loss and getting to the lowest point in that band.

I find it easier to think like this because i know a woman's weight especially fluctuates and to think "I'm still in my band" keeps me on target

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[Other] Night time rituals
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 101.6 | 30F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 06:36:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zj32o/night_time_rituals/
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Mobile sorry no flair :(

I've never done anything like... other than take my pills toss turn read books blah blah before bed. which is surprising, I think a lot of people have night time rituals like this because of literature I've read (bookworm and researcher) or maybe I'm nuts?

but I think it's because of my severe suicidally that's kept me up at night before for years but now my ED voice may be taking over moreso, maybe my meds are dampening my depression / bipolar shit anyway

Now I stay awake almost like, purposefully just cupping and pressing on my hip bones, collarbones, tap tap tap my ribs. I'll do it for like an hour, then fall asleep.

It's not like, I'm that thin, or there's that much to grab, I'm not saying that from a dysmorphia voice it's from an osfed voice.

Anyway, I do that for awhile, or when I'm home alone and tired, and I just zone out.

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[Discussion] Terrified of hitting a plateau. Tell me about your stories of overcoming one?
/u/invisibone [5'5" | CW 118.6 | F |]
Created: Wed Mar 15 06:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zj20g/terrified_of_hitting_a_plateau_tell_me_about_your/
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So, 17 days ago I posted about making it to the 120's. I was so stoked that I kept with it and I'm now rapidly approaching the 110's. Only problem is I've been losing every single night, except last night. Yesterday morning and today I weighed in at exactly 122.2. And I have two scales to be very sure.

Can you all share your stories of the whoosh that happens once you get past a plateau? Remind me it's temporary, if that is what this is. I hadn't realized how excited I had been to update my flair each day D:

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday March 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 15 06:09:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ziytt/way_to_go_wednesday_march_15_2017/
---

This is the weekly achievement thread for March 15, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 15, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Mar 15 06:09:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ziysz/daily_food_diary_march_15_2017/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for March 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

---

[Discussion] DAE have trouble bathing?
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 04:47:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zin0v/dae_have_trouble_bathing/
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I feel so ashamed typing this, but I had a bath last night for the first time in two weeks.

I hate being naked, I hate being wet and slippery and shiny like a big whale. I hate having to feel my body as I wash. I don't want to be clean. I don't want people to be near me.

Outwardly I can get away with it as I wash my hair over the bath and hide the rest with deodorant..

Does anyone else have this issue or have any advice on how to overcome this? I have so many lovely bath products that I just can't use.

Mobile, flair: help

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[Discussion] Has anyone ever had the experience of GAINING weight from over exercising?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Mar 15 04:44:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zimpt/has_anyone_ever_had_the_experience_of_gaining/
---
[deleted]

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[Discussion] DAE become ravenous when ill rather than nauseous? Do you eat maintenance whilst sick?
/u/chocclia [165 | 45 | 16.5 | -12 | F]
Created: Wed Mar 15 04:34:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ziljd/dae_become_ravenous_when_ill_rather_than_nauseous/
---
It seems most people's appetites are destroyed when sick but for some reason I always find myself hungrier? So I'm wondering if this happens to anyone else or if you eat maintenance/more?

(also sorry for all the posting i've been doing lately i feel more comfortable posting here than MPA. you're good people)

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[Help] [help] stopping binging due to sugar addiction?
/u/LazyFawn [165 cm | 52.5 kg | 19.28 | 18 f]
Created: Wed Mar 15 03:21:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zicny/help_stopping_binging_due_to_sugar_addiction/
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Well guys... It's bad. Never figured I'd be so addicted to sugar, that I wouldn't be able to stop eating it... Or crave it this much

From the outside, eating sugar every other day is bound to turn into a serious sugar addiction. Just.. With my problems, I never really took it seriously

It's led me back into binging. And I'm not talking smallish 1000 kcal binges, I'm talking several 2000 kcal binges (sometimes several times a day)

It's been a week now. Dear god help me, how do I stop? I think just.. Quitting processed sugar cold turkey is best, but it's so hard. I love eating again, which is both good and bad. Do I just say fuck how much other food I eat, as long as it's healthy? Like, If I want to eat 5 cans of tuna, sure go ahead. But if I want to eat 5 chocolate bars, fuck no go cook something with actual nutrients in it

Anyone ever tried this? Anyone ever succesfully stopped it?

Bright side is my flair isn't lying anymore - I'm fat again :(

tl;dr: binging, not due to hunger, but due to sugar addiction. help a girl out please

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[Rant/Rave] Dysmorphia? Actual weigh loss? Idk.
/u/Taiz_eyes
Created: Wed Mar 15 00:34:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zhtg8/dysmorphia_actual_weigh_loss_idk/
---
(On mobile please tag as rant)

So, while my SO knows that I have been restricting, he doesn't know how much I have been restricting for the past month or so (from 750 cal a day in January to 300 cal max since mid February). I started at 192lbs in January and as of Thursday last week I am down to 171 lbs (I am afraid of the scale because of this incident).

Not a ton ( l o l ) of weight imo, as I don't see a difference physically. At all. However SO feels it. I was leaning over him the other day and he said "stop sucking in your tummy I want to give you a belly rub" and i wasn't sucking it in. Today he was stroking my arm and then he wrapped his hand (part of the way) around the fattest part of my bicep and said "your arms are getting a lot thinner".

I just don't see it. I spent an hour just staring at myself naked, pulling on my fat, pinching it, squishing it, jiggling it, and I don't see what he sees. I normally wear super baggy clothes and layers so no one at work or other family has said anything.

However because no one else has said anything I feel as though he is just saying that to make me feel good. And somehow I just cannot take the compliment and I spiral out of control.

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[Rant/Rave] I can't stop binging :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 23:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zhmk5/i_cant_stop_binging/
---
[deleted]

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[Help] Does it ever get easier?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 23:37:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zhlon/does_it_ever_get_easier/
---
I keep finding myself eating junk almost every day. I still manage under 1300, but it keeps rising.

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[Help] I KEEP FUCKING UP HELPPPPPP
/u/StrawberryHannah
Created: Tue Mar 14 22:28:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zhbs3/i_keep_fucking_up_helpppppp/
---
god i hate myself.... was 81 last may after living in the dorms my freshman year, living at home now and it's horrid. so many temptations, it's all my goddamn fault for giving in all the time and i hate myself for it. i'm like 90 now, i hate hate hate it i feel horrible all the time it puts such a damper on my mood and well being. i have been trying to eat 700 since fucking december, keep fucking up and ending up at 1000-1200 every day, binges every fucking week man... i hate this so much, i just want to be smaller again. i feel it everywhere all the time, i sometimes don't even shower for days because i don't want to see my disgusting body naked. i need help but i can't talk to anyone about this. i have "mindful eating" books and apps and shit but nothing helps! someone fucking sew my mouth shut... going to fast and throw away everything. WHAT SHOULD I DO I NEED TO STOP THIS CYCLE. sorry for this emotionally fueled post, i just hate myself so much i want it to change so bad jesus christ fuck meeeeeee........ such bad body image i want to like how i look again!!!!!!!!! fucking fatass

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[Other] I wish the world would've ended in 2012
/u/cocionut [167.5cm/5'6 | 52.2kg/115lbs | 18.69 | 15.2kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 21:40:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zh43e/i_wish_the_world_wouldve_ended_in_2012/
---
That was before all my food issues, before everything. I was a happy child. I didn't have a care in the world. Everyone actually adored me, now I'm just a huge disappointment that spends all her time watching old music videos, crying and starving. I don't have it hard at all, it's all in my bloody head. I want to bash my fucking head in. I can't stop thinking.

Literally, all I do is sit around and wait for the next day. It's fucking pointless. I just want to die. Why is it so important that I survive? Why can't I die without hurting other people? Why does death have to be seen as a bad thing?

I wonder what my personal heaven would be like. I've been thinking a lot about that. Probably some weird Fall Out Boy concert.

I can't be happy. I've been trying to kill myself since I was twelve. I just want to be allowed to die. If I eat 600 calories for the next 4 months, I'd be thin enough that my organs would begin shutting down. I could kick up my smoking too, they can't cure cancer. Then, perhaps, I'd finally get to fucking end myself.

I don't wanna live anymore. It's a fucking hell. I might be 'recovering' but my mind is more disordered than ever. Restriction made it all feel better and now they're monitoring my fucking weight and I have no control over anything anymore.

Why can't I just be allowed to die? That's all I wish for.

Don't worry, I'm not a danger to myself. Wouldn't want my existance hurting even more people.

Rant/rave I guess

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[Rant/Rave] What the FUCK is UP with chips?
/u/rizzie_ [5'2F CW:133 GW:110]
Created: Tue Mar 14 21:37:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zh3l1/what_the_fuck_is_up_with_chips/
---
Today was a snow day, so me and a bunch of friends got together and watched season 6 of RuPaul's drag race.

One of the girls brought sun chips. French onion flavored. Before I even realized what was happening I had lost count of how many handfuls I'd had.

I was going to fast today to make up for the gym being closed due to the snow...but now I probably ate more calories than I have in a long time.

How do I do this to myself every damn time? Whatever happened to some kind of self control? And *who put French onion flavored crack on those sun chips?*

On mobile, but this is most certainly a rant. Ugh.

---

[Help] Advice? Ate way too much
/u/honeybrownbunny
Created: Tue Mar 14 19:46:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zgjo7/advice_ate_way_too_much/
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Okay so post waking up hungover I consumed soooooo much binge food. Mentally, I feel fine. Everything's okay. I took a Xanax and want to move past this. But it is now late afternoon and I have a date tonight and my stomach is still extremely bloated and bulging and I feel like absolutely nothing has digested at all. I've been chugging water and tea and coffee all day trying to flush out my system or at least promote a bm, but does anyone have any good tricks or tips or advice to at least relieve this a little bit. I just want to feel better :/

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[Rant/Rave] I can't just go a few fucking days without binging
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Tue Mar 14 19:46:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zgjlw/i_cant_just_go_a_few_fucking_days_without_binging/
---
Please flair as rant/rave

I did so well yesterday. Then today was my dad's birthday. My mom made vegan cupcakes and I ate *four fucking cupcakes* and then of course I decided I already fucked it up and I ate a bunch of pasta and two bowls of cereal. My stomach hurts so badly but I still want another cupcake.

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[Help] Nervous about buying ephedrine
/u/Briismars46 [5"6 | CW:123 | 19.85 |GW:109 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 19:40:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zgijs/nervous_about_buying_ephedrine/
---
I want to EC stack but I have so much anxiety about going up to the pharmacy and asking for primatene or bronkaid. Like they're going to know I'm a liar and don't actually need the medication. I seriously cannot bring myself to the counter.

When any of you have asked for it have they asked follow up questions or just for an ID?

Sorry mods on mobile can't flair

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[Other] Just left treatment AMA
/u/janicat [5'9 | 107 | 15.52 | -18 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:55:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg9pg/just_left_treatment_ama/
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So nervous about what lies ahead. I know I didn't make the right decision but I just was so frustrated and couldn't take it anymore. I suppose I'm not ready to recover yet as much as I wish I was. I want the therapy but not the weight gain but that's not realistic in rehab. Gosh I'm nervous.

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[Rant/Rave] OH MY GOD
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:42:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg7an/oh_my_god/
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I JUST FOUND OUT AN ICED CARAMEL LATTE WITHOUT SUGAR FROM DUNKIN IS 350 CALORIES

^and ^here ^I ^thought ^it ^was ^170... ^:)

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[Rant/Rave] I'm going to get skinnier before it's shorts season again.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3.5" | 110 | GW: a nice body | -35 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:37:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg6c7/im_going_to_get_skinnier_before_its_shorts_season/
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I'm almost there, just a few more pounds. I'm gonna do it. Screw eating, I want this more.

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[Discussion] Calorie counting
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 95 | 15.99 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:35:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg5x6/calorie_counting/
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Okay so what do you think is better? Counting daily or weekly? I've tried...I've lost weight both ways. Weekly makes me more insane and I tend to restrict more/hurt more but it seems accurate...but a day is a day and it's over. Our bodies can't tell time like we do but still. I don't know. I'm really beating myself up and want to return to a normal food schedule but a damn binge that high is just not easy to get over. I have no idea what to do. Should I stop looking at my life weeks in advance and forgive the bad days or take my life day by day? It's so fucking hard. What do yall do?

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[Help] Received a "care" package from hell..
/u/-kaneki-ken- [5'7" | mooing loudly | 19.51 | 23F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:27:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg49j/received_a_care_package_from_hell/
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https://i.redd.it/ej0emeo8ugly.jpg

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[Help] Question - TOM and weight gain?!
/u/TinyandLost [5'6 | Gross | OV | -13lbs | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:26:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg3zf/question_tom_and_weight_gain/
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It's driving me mad-

Also TMI

but I'm now going through my heaviest period in a long time and even restricting isn't making me lose. I've been keeping up with water intake and nothing. The scale won't budge.

Is it normal to maintain/gain during your period?

I effing hope so

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[Help] Question - TOM and weight gain?!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg3yx/question_tom_and_weight_gain/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What do you do for fun?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 18:11:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zg13d/what_do_you_do_for_fun/
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Especially when feeling weak.

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[Other] I'm not going to purge!
/u/thukui [5'3 | CW 108 | GW 88 | 21F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 17:05:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zfnh1/im_not_going_to_purge/
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I just binged and I hate this overly full feeling. it feels like I'll puke on my own anyways but I'm not going to make myself puke and i'm not going to take laxatives.
i know i'll gain weight and that sucks but that's a lot better than what I'll do to my body by purging! I'm sick of being in pain I'm not going to let myself purge!

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[Rant/Rave] Im gonna be fat forever...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 16:13:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zfcda/im_gonna_be_fat_forever/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] (TW) Low point
/u/Alkylhalides [5'2| 116.5 | 22.17 | UGW: 97 | 20 F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 15:13:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zez70/tw_low_point/
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I had a whoosh moment Friday and reached 122.8 lbs. First time in five years at that weight, only 4lbs away from my all time lowest weight. Spent the weekend at my sister's eating and drinking. I knew I'd gain from that. Then Monday went out with friends, drank. Barely ate but that kind of backfired. Ate yesterday because now I'm home for break and can't really avoid family dinners.

My depressions been pretty bad the past couple weeks, being home isn't helping. Eating isn't helping. I've been cutting more, cut last night. Being near people jsut reminds me how awkward I am and how no one even really likes me. Everyone will post on social media with everyone else there except me, is it because they all hate me or because I'm a fat whale and they'd rather not post pictures with me? Had my mom yell at me this morning and I feel like a worthless piece of shit. The few friends that know about my SH/ED don't really care, just tell me that they've "had enough of me acting out" and are "going to drag me to psych services". That happened this morning.

I just took four laxatives, cut again, and I'm drinking coffee now. I'm at a point where I don't even really care if I die, it'll be a relief. At the very least I can pretend to be sick and not eat for a couple days.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm 10kg heavier than I thought I was
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Tue Mar 14 14:51:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zeu8o/im_10kg_heavier_than_i_thought_i_was/
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On mobile, can't flair. So I thought my mum had gotten rid of the scales so I've been estimating my weight based on when I last measured it and taking into account how much I thought I've gained since then. I know estimation isn't the best but I tried to overestimate how much I've gained. I found the scales ten minutes ago. I am a full 10kg heavier than my "overestimation". I feel sick.

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[Tip] [Tip] Comparing stats!
/u/theobeseana
Created: Tue Mar 14 14:24:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zenz9/tip_comparing_stats/
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Edit: Possible TW. Some people are finding seeing other bodies with their stats to be upsetting 😳 I'm so sorry.

I just found a site called visualbmi.com. Basically you put in any height and weight and it has tons of pictures of people with those stats. If you struggle to know what you look like or might look like at a goal weight! They are mostly before and after pictures of weight loss too.

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[Rant/Rave] I wonder what it must feel like to feel full, and not full of guilt. Just full.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 13:56:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zehlr/i_wonder_what_it_must_feel_like_to_feel_full_and/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] So tired of freezing to death everywhere I go.
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:114.2🌸 BMI:20.2🌙 -30.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Tue Mar 14 13:52:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zegvj/so_tired_of_freezing_to_death_everywhere_i_go/
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So I'm sure most of you are familiar with the bone-chilling cold that comes with losing lots of weight. It's annoying for sure, but not like...life-altering or anything, for most of us.

But any of you guys who have ever been on opiates long-term know the absolutely excruciating feeling of being cold during withdrawal. If you don't, let me paint you a picture - imagine your bones are made of ice. Anytime something makes contact with you - no matter how gently - you wince from the coldness of the surface of that item against your skin. Leather couches, toilet bowls, metal benches - anything that's cooler than your skin hurts like hell. You're covered in what I can only describe as razor-sharp goosebumps. It's like instead of just popping up on you're skin, they're stabbing their way through with ice picks. You pour sweat which just makes you colder. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Anyway, I'm in the process of weaning myself off suboxone and it's gone really well so far, but the lower I go, the harder it gets. I just went from 2mg a day to 1mg and omg, it's been awful. There's a bunch of snow outside so the house is freezing, I'm ALREADY freezing from not eating enough, and then there are these withdrawal chills and omfg. Kill me. This is the first day I've actually felt kind of okay. I think I'm finally adjusting to this dose. But omg I am so ready for summer weather.

I'm starting to notice that blonde peach-fuzz hair growing on my face. Which is crazy to me, because 122 lbs seems like way too heavy to start developing lanugo, but what do I know? Maybe the withdrawal symptoms are exacerbating it. Hopefully some warmer weather will make it go away so I don't end up having to shave my face lol.

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[Help] The love/hate dissonance with a long distance relationship
/u/DahliaDubonet [SCREAMING INTERNALLY]
Created: Tue Mar 14 13:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zegtr/the_lovehate_dissonance_with_a_long_distance/
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So my boyfriend and I live about two hours away from each other so we only see each other two or three times a month, which I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse.
 

He knows all about my past struggle and hospitalizations so living with him was always a pain when I know with my TDEE I shouldn't eat anywhere near as much as him and every meal we had together I would end up destroying my deficit.
 

Now, I can rack up a really substantial deficit for our time spent together (and lost enough weight that he looked at me and asked where the other half of my butt went wahoo running for the win) which should be a happy ending situation, right? The only problem I've been having is that after spending time with him indulging myself my brain switches to binge mode (like drinking cold soup I don't even like out of the carton kind of binge) For example: got to my 1stGW, spent two days with him, binged another day after because I missed him and was in binge mode, and gained three pounds. While I am aware most of that is water weight and the weight of the food still in my system it is still driving me crazy that seeing him sends me into a tailspin that is such a pain to recover from.
 

We're going away in almost exactly a month from now and that is for a week and I am panicking already for it. There will be a fair amount of walking/hiking/physical activity but it will be nowhere near enough to counteract my overeating that will inevitably happen while on vacation. It's in the mountains so I am not sure how much running I'll be able to get in until I see where the hotel is but if it is anything like last year's there is no chance. But I may be jumping the gun with that one.
 

So this is a bit of a rant, but if anyone has advice I'm all ears.
 

**Edit:** spacing and minor clarifications

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[Tip] here's a goddamn tip
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 100]
Created: Tue Mar 14 13:39:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zedwk/heres_a_goddamn_tip/
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be poor and have nothing but tuna cans, chicken breast, and spinach in your house. have your fiancé take the car for the day so you're stuck because you can't afford the insurance on your car & you won't risk driving it because you can't afford to be in any more trouble.

my cravings for sweets are through the fucking roof. but there's nothing. nothing i can do and i almost cried lol. it's nowhere near period time. it doesn't make sense. i made lots of spinach salads and must have consumed 8oz of chicken breast. fucking sweet. way to eat clean, hip hipfucking HOORAY! put on your yoga pants, ck sports bra, and pose with a smoothie bitch, you're so damn FIT

i'm chugging water bottles back to back trying to convince myself that this is a blessing in disguise and the cravings will go away. and honestly, after typing this out and all the water, i AM starting to feel a little less crazy, i guess.

cravings for alcohol are pretty fucking real today, too. i'd absolutely love a day where i'm not fighting back any urges. or an hour, even.

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[Rant/Rave] I finally realized that the reason I feel like a piece of shit all the time is because I treat myself like a piece of shit.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 13:27:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zeb67/i_finally_realized_that_the_reason_i_feel_like_a/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] What exercise do you guys do?
/u/barrelwaisted [5'6 | CW: shhh | GW: 110 | UGW: 100]
Created: Tue Mar 14 13:09:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5ze6xz/what_exercise_do_you_guys_do/
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Personally I don't exercise a lot, although I probably should. But recently I've been trying to walk a lot more, and try to do some cardio at least 1-2x a week.

So I was wondering, is there a physical activity you do in particular which works for you or that you enjoy? Any tips?

Hope you have a great day :)

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[Rant/Rave] Juanitas tortilla chips fought back and I lost.
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Tue Mar 14 12:34:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdyif/juanitas_tortilla_chips_fought_back_and_i_lost/
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[On mobile so no flair but rant/ laugh at my pain]

I've been having the worst 10 day case of "I think I'm okay enough to eat whatever I want so I do but then I'll cry 5 minutes later and repeat x10000" but yesterday I decided to end that and start fasting for the rest of the day. I ended up taking a dab and eating a pretty large amount of Juanitas chips and chocolate and then went to bed. Around 1 AM I woke up with the worst stomach ache of my life, literally crawled to the bathroom and (TMI ALERT NSFW) laid on the tile naked not sure if I was going to shit myself or puke everywhere. For 20 minutes I laid there profusely sweating and and crying unable to puke but desperately needing to because I was so nauseous. Eventually I passed out and woke up this morning cold as hell with a terrible stomach ache. I'm a mess. Fasting it is, body, fasting it is. On the plus side it was a good kick in the ass to not stuff my face.

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[Other] It's my birthday and I'll binge if I want to
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | fat | -43 | 31F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 12:24:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdwbp/its_my_birthday_and_ill_binge_if_i_want_to/
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I set a weight loss goal to hit for my birthday, didn't hit it so I'm just going to shove my face full of food all day and probably puke a few times. Yay!!

Mobile can't flair

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[Rant/Rave] Both a Rant and a Rave.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Tue Mar 14 12:08:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdsn5/both_a_rant_and_a_rave/
---
Don't really want to make two separate posts for this so i'll just squish this in one post.

Yesterday I was hanging out with my cousin and I was showing her this video on my phone when she suddenly says " how do you get your fingers to look so bony?" I have never once thought my hands/fingers looked bony. My initial response was confusion because wtf I have the chunkiest manliest hands I've ever seen and to hear this from someone actually sounded like a lie. She went on to say that I had really pretty bony hands and was asking if I type a lot lol so that made my day yesterday.

On the not so bright side I've been home for spring break since friday and I've been binging on over 3000+ calories everyday. I just try so hard to keep up with my family to make myself seem normal but god damn I am dying on the inside. I'm already up 3lbs when before the break I had finally reached a new low and now thats been ruined. I just feel like shit and I want to be able to restrict but I feel like if I refuse any food someone is going to assume the worst.

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[Discussion] Eating things you know make you feel bloated/ill
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 12:04:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdrj7/eating_things_you_know_make_you_feel_bloatedill/
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Can anyone else bear to do this? I've noticed recently that eating stir fry bloats me to the point of not wanting to eat anything. Not sure if the soy or the bean sprouts are most to blame. It's unpleasant as he'll but I'm not tempted to eat anything... Realised this could be a handy tactic for putting off a binge/dinner, plus i wake up and feel soooo empty.

Do any of you do this? Are there any longterm effects of continually eating things that play your gut up?

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[Rant/Rave] Need to vent am on day 5 of a binge streak wtf is wrong with me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 11:43:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdmmd/need_to_vent_am_on_day_5_of_a_binge_streak_wtf_is/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Favorite Mono
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 11:41:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdm39/favorite_mono/
---
[removed]

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
/u/BlackGirlSteeze
Created: Tue Mar 14 11:12:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zdf8m/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/36wnv642pely.jpg

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Starving in Suburbia
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 09:53:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zcwza/starving_in_suburbia/
---
[removed]

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[Discussion] At what point do you round up or down?
/u/throwingfoodaway [151.13cm | CW: 47kg | 21.8 BMI | GW: 38kg | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 09:21:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zcq94/at_what_point_do_you_round_up_or_down/
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I love nice, round numbers, but I hardly ever get them. This morning, I was 106.4 before going to the bathroom and then 106.2 after. At 106.4, I think it's close enough to 106.5 for me to round up to 107. But at 106.2, I'm conflicted as to round down or not.

Does anyone else do this? At what point do you round up or down?

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[Other] There needs to be a unique word that means "extreme disgust at oneself"
/u/m_inimal
Created: Tue Mar 14 09:13:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zcoeq/there_needs_to_be_a_unique_word_that_means/
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A few days ago, my photographer friend asked me if he could take my pictures to help build up his portfolio. I hate getting my picture taken, but he’s a good friend and I had nothing better to do, so I agreed. We went to a nature park and he took a bunch of pictures. I didn’t enjoy it, but did my best to not think too much about how I would look in any of the pictures. I kept reminding myself that this photo shoot wasn’t about me, it was about him, and that I was being a good friend by doing it.


Well, a few hours after we were done, he sent me the pictures he’d just finished editing. Looking at them made me feel the lowest I’d felt in quite a while. In the past two months or so, I’ve put back on probably about 10 to 15 pounds, which on my short frame is quite a bit, and it really showed in the pictures. I looked disgusting, and I barely recognized myself. I had no idea I was that big. I think the body dysmorphia I experience swings both ways: sometimes I see myself as way bigger than I probably actually am, and sometimes I look in the mirror and, almost as a self-defense mechanism against the hate I have for my body, my eyes just immediately go to the parts I *don't* hate (which after seeing those pictures, I realize have dwindled to almost nothing). I think this is what has happened to me during the past few months; I’ve started to think I look better than I actually do because I only focus on the "good" parts, and so I’ve let myself go a bit. I’ve been so busy with school, my social life has picked up, and I’ve been exercising more, so I just haven’t had the time or extra energy to do the disordered behaviors that caused (helped) me to be smaller in the past. And it fucking shows. I look like a whale. Things that I know are meant as compliments, and which I used to be able to grudgingly TAKE as compliments, now feel again like a slap in the face. In particular comes to mind how one of my old coworkers always used to praise me for being "thick", like that was a ubiquitously good thing. I know he meant it in a nice way, but it doesn’t feel like a compliment when I don’t *want* to be thick. I get that that looks genuinely good on some girls, I just hate it on myself.


And now I’m feeling more and more like this weight I’ve gained is a manifestation of all the personality traits I hate in myself: my tendency to be loud and argumentative, and my ability to reason/weasel my way out of making the right choice (which in almost all case would involve exhibiting self control). I’m questioning every time I thought I might have looked good, and realizing that no, I probably didn’t. There is not an adequately strong word in the English language for the profound hatred I have for myself when I think about all the times I thought I looked cute or said the right thing or whatever, and in reality, I probably just looked like an ass.


It sucks, because I really just feel like I can’t win. When I restrict and binge exercise for awhile, and get back down to a comfortable weight, I feel ok with my body and the way others perceive me. But my anxiety spirals out of control (which I why I always fall off the wagon) and I hate how obsessed with my appearance I become, when there are so many other things about myself I’d rather focus on.


On the other hand, when I "let myself go" and stop obsessing about eating and exercising (even when I’m still being relatively healthy), I always gain weight. Then, instead of anxious, I get depressed, and feel this profound self-loathing. Actually, I do feel anxious as well, but it’s a more social, rather than internal, anxiety.


I feel like the ideal would be if I was just naturally thin and didn’t need to worry about my weight, because then I could focus on those other things in my life that are more important to me. That’s the thing — I recognize that weight should be a non-issue, but not because I don’t care about it: because it would *already taken care of*. I shouldn’t *have* to worry about this shit. But I know that realistically, I always will. I don’t want to be the fat person who’s happy with themselves. I don’t even think that’s possible, because I know myself, and I know that even if I somehow managed to convince myself that being "thick" or whatever feels right and okay, it would be a farce. Fuck, why does this have to be so fucking hard?

tldr; I hate myself and it's a cycle

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[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 09:09:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zcnfy/daily_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/ko56tcw33ely.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Binged after a 7 day fast..
/u/throw_away_fattie
Created: Tue Mar 14 07:35:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zc4wq/binged_after_a_7_day_fast/
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Yesterday I felt the binge coming but I managed to control myself and I was so happy because I thought I was in control for the first time. Today I woke up and scarfed down 3000 calories. I feel disgusting and I just want to get back to feeling empty. I took a laxative but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't want to undo all the work I did this month. I lost 9,8 pounds this month by fasting. I'm having a meltdown about it all coming back.

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[Rant/Rave] I have a lower BMI than the girl who hates me, and it feels good.
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 119.6 | 22.21 | -53.4 lbs | 29F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 07:10:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zc0ai/i_have_a_lower_bmi_than_the_girl_who_hates_me_and/
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My SO's ex is this girl who, even though she's never met me, hates my guts (she's younger, and also a touch crazy, and also an alcoholic so she's not all together) and loves to troll the shit out of me online. Most of it is just mocking me and then she'll quickly delete the post.

I spent a lot of my life not being a good person, and now that I try to actively be a good person every day and make purposeful choices in the "good person" direction every chance I get, it gets under my skin that this is a person who I never actually wronged and they hate me, and that I can't fix it. It presents itself in many weird ways (obsession with what she does or says, and bouncing back and forth between hating her and just wanting to know how to resolve the issue even though we've never spoken). But, ultimately, because I guess maybe I'm not as good of a person as I want to be yet, I always - bottom line - need to assure myself that I am doing better than her in life.

I have a better job, I have my SO who is great, I support myself entirely, I am sober, and today I just found out (drumroll) that even though she is over 3 inches shorter than me, we weigh the same. I literally laughed out loud when I found out, and it's been the most fantastic motivation to continue to lose so that I can have 3 inches on her and be skinnier. I want so badly to continue to be the bigger person, but this concession is one I'm willing to make. And, honestly, I don't even feel bad about it.

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[Thinspo] Hello yes I do thinspo art and people requested an instagram and so I made one here it is!
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Tue Mar 14 06:45:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zbw2v/hello_yes_i_do_thinspo_art_and_people_requested/
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https://www.instagram.com/eea_ana_/?hl=en

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[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A March 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 14 06:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zbqfm/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_march_14_2017/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! March 14, 2017
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Mar 14 06:08:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zbqf2/daily_food_diary_march_14_2017/
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This is a daily food diary thread for March 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit. Please include calories.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

A calorie estimate/calculation is encouraged!

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[Intro] Getting back in the saddle for the 100lbs marathon. You can call me Cuna.
/u/la-cuna [5'4.5" | 120.8lbs | 21.14 | 58lbs | Neutral]
Created: Tue Mar 14 05:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zbolp/getting_back_in_the_saddle_for_the_100lbs/
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Lacuna: 1. an unfilled space; a gap.
a missing portion in a book or manuscript.

2. Anatomy
a cavity or depression, especially in bone.

So, as you can gather, I'm not new to this. I'm twenty, twenty-one in September, British and I'm somewhere in the gender neutral territory. I am biologically female. This time last year I breached into the 112lbs area, only 2lbs from my 'mandatory' safe zone, and 12lbs from my UGW. I'm now 122lbs having climbed back down from the 130lbs area - so, here we go again, my neverending quest for a body that doesn't depress me to no end.

I'm a vegan, white-British, generally friendly and talkative. I've jumped into the Discord server and I intend to be very active there. My goals? To stop boredom eating, comfort eating and stuffing myself to over capacity. I have a history of binge issues, starvation periods and all sorts of hooey that would be too long to write down. Either way, 'recovery' for me was being forced a calorie intake and then left to my own devices. In short, it was miserable. So here I am, grabbing the bull by the horns; I look forwards to interacting with all of you, seeing as I lacked any form of community before discovering this sub. I'm shooting for 110lbs first, then the divine 100lbs - wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

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[Other] Does anyone here a thigh gap, a upper leg gap but not a calf gap?
/u/detailsareforever
Created: Tue Mar 14 04:44:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zbej0/does_anyone_here_a_thigh_gap_a_upper_leg_gap_but/
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I've never seen someone with this shape and it's making me feel self conscious. Every time I see a thigh gap irl and at Tumblr the person has perfect separated legs. I've a moderate thigh gap but then my calves touch and make my legs look stumpy. Is this normal?

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[Rant/Rave] TW. ED nastiness ahead. I just need to vent.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 133.5 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 04:43:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zbego/tw_ed_nastiness_ahead_i_just_need_to_vent/
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So I'm trying out polyamory right now (I like it a lot so far), and this new guy I've seen a couple times told me a bit about his girlfriend the last time we hung out. He told me she is 5'1", a model for Torrid, and good at makeup. So the nasty/disordered part of me concluded *oh ok, so she's short, fat, and ugly.* Of course I know that *none of that shit matters*, but I couldn't help but feel this competitive drive to be better than she is. And, since I'm already tall, relatively thin, and pretty enough that I never wear makeup or feel like I have to, I want to be so thin that she thinks "Oh, so this girl is a *real* model," when she sees me.

WHY DO I THINK THESE THINGS? I *know* all of this is *absolutely horrendous*; don't worry, you don't have to tell me! And like, the logical part of me knows that all of those thoughts are mean and bullshit. But I still think them... And I still want it. But I also want to move past it and see her as an actual person. I can't help but think that this competitiveness with other women stems from my ED. It's gotten so much worse recently.

There isn't a point to this post. I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

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you know it's bad when...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Mar 14 03:43:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zb7fd/you_know_its_bad_when/
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[removed]

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[Help] Restriction and insomnia?
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | 105.8 | 20 | -12 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Mar 14 03:27:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zb5gc/restriction_and_insomnia/
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I'm on my ninth consecutive day of restriction for the first time ever, a feat of which I'm really proud. But it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm in bed tossing and turning, listening to my oddly loud heartbeat and feeling the vague ache of years-old injuries.I've had STRONG antihistamines and melatonin. The hell is wrong with me?? is this normal? Surely malnutrition can't be fucking with my heart already. I'm not even underweight!!

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[Goal] My scale is wrong and I'm elated
/u/almightylurker [5'1" | 140 | 26.45 | -70 | 19F]
Created: Tue Mar 14 02:24:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zaymy/my_scale_is_wrong_and_im_elated/
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Today I went to donate plasma and the way it works is that if you're below 149 lbs then you donate a smaller amount than everyone above that weight. So I'm getting my plasma done and I realize that it took a much shorter amount of time than it normally does and I ask the nurse how much I donated this time. She tells me the smaller amount. I'm sitting there like ": ^ ) wh-" and she then tells me I weighed in at 147 (which was after a meal and a fuck ton of water so !!!). My scale at home has said 155 all week and I thought I gained back 5 pounds. Turns out I lost 3+ more. I've never been more happy to have to buy another scale.

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How do you guys get past the feeling of hunger
/u/futureskinnybitch123
Created: Tue Mar 14 01:54:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zavcy/how_do_you_guys_get_past_the_feeling_of_hunger/
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[removed]

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[Help] Fell off the wagon how to get back on?
/u/avocadobooze
Created: Tue Mar 14 01:26:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zas0t/fell_off_the_wagon_how_to_get_back_on/
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[removed]

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[Help] Being underweight and maintaining health. Anyone do/done it?
/u/leleonyx
Created: Tue Mar 14 00:54:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/5zao4q/being_underweight_and_maintaining_health_anyone/
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If you were to maintain an underweight BMI but eat nutrient dense foods that provided 100% of your daily intake for vitamins, minerals and amino acids, would you be able to maintain your health (hair, skin, etc)? It seems most ED related issues come from being malnourished and not necessarily being underweight.

I would be content with maintaining a BMI of 17 and eating the same food everyday, but I have read that people who are underweight tend to be at higher risk for illness/death. Could that just be because people who are underweight tend to be malnourished and not necessarily because of the weight itself?

I have been eating practically the same food for several months now and slowly but consistently losing weight for almost a year. For the past few months I've been slightly underweight (BMI around 17). My blood work has all come back okay, and if anything there has been improvements since several months ago (lower cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure).

For the past couple of months I have noticed that I tend to get sleepy/muscles feel very weak immediately after eating. This didn't happen previously despite eating exactly the same foods back then as now, which are low glycemic and plant based. According to cronometer I get 100% for vitamins/minerals/amino acids, with the exception of selenium and zinc (78%). I have also started to experience a lot of edema in my legs/feet after eating, especially after I eat sweet potatoes. I am wondering if both of these may be a consequence of my weight since it only started happening over the past couple of months.

Thanks

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