[Rant/Rave] Still in pain but I have a plan for the near future.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 17 00:26:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrzeh/still_in_pain_but_i_have_a_plan_for_the_near/
I am on mobile so please flair as rant/rave.

I post earlier about being in a lot of pain. I am still in a lot of pain and tmi but I have yet to have a post binge bm which usually happens after I binge and take laxatives. I took between 8 and 12. I don't really remember how many. Two different brands one was a generic from safeway and the other was ex lax brand from Kroger.

The pain kept me from eating. It also really made work more difficult. I kept getting pissed off at customers for stupid fucking reasons. I work back of house so I don't interact with customers but when it's busy and so many orders deviate from the menu I put so much time into memorizing and I have to remake stuff it really affects my mood. A lot is also being I am bitter I can't enjoy food like normal people.

Some background. I work at a vegan "greasy spoon" type restaurant so we do a lot of breakfast stuff. Burgers and sandwiches and a few other things. I guess we are a bit of a unique fixture in the city. I love veganism but I also feel kind of ashamed when I see obese and really overweight vegans. I guess I am just also discussed by obese and overweight people. I don't think of them as lesser so much as people I don't want to be around because they seem to be kind of a fringe group in society.

Sorry that was a short rant.

So taking laxatives is not a great idea and I need to stop because otherwise I will cause worse damage than I have because I've been taking them off and on for years and my colon could become paralyzed.

Purging isn't very good either because I have cause some damage to my esophagus and could only make things worse. It is really painful. It's been three weeks since I have and I want to keep being purge free.

I am entertaining the idea of fasting with breaks where I try to restrict for a day or two. If I eat 500 calories a day I could theoretically lose 4 pounds a week by some calculators. If I eat nothing for most of the week and allow myself one or two days of 500 to 1000 calories maybe I could still lose weight?

I keep brainstorming semi enjoyable and safe foods I can eat for days when I do. Salads without dressing, steamed veggies or raw veggies with a little bit of hummus come to mind. Not a lot of opportunity to get in comfort foods.

I am also considering trying my eventual goal of eating very little and leaving more on my plate. Take a few bites then just push the food around. I feel like I read somewhere you only really taste the first three bites or so anyway. So if I eat fractions of what's on a plate and drink more water I guess I can practice this.

I am nervous because in a few weeks I will be flying to DC for my SOs birthday and there will be three days or so I am expected to eat and I hope to keep at a deficit for those days and eat no more than 1000 to 1200 calories which still seems like a lot considering I'm supposed to be fasting. I am not sure what vegan options will be available. I also know my SO struggles with binge eating and I don't want to get caught up in their behavior nor do I want to arouse suspicion.

They struggled with their weight for years as well and also have PCOS and have trouble losing weight. She lost 50 pounds than put it back on. A part of me hope that she can lose weight eventually because we have talked about kids in the future.

It's super fucked up that I almost wish she was as disordered as I am. I know I'd wish this on no one but I feel like she always makes excuses and eats healthy sometimes then eats garbage.

Maybe she can healthily lose weight. I love her a lot and want to be with her but my weight and disordered eating has always been a strain on our relationship because for a few months I refused to eat with her or go out to eat and I also lied about eating by myself and then was guilt ed into eating with her.

This post is all over the place I guess I just needed all of this out. Judge me or comment. I feel awful. I feel like a shitty person.

I just want to get to my goal weight of 105 -115lbs and hover around there forever and always be underweight. I want people to worry about me eating enough and I want people to care but I also want to be recognized as being skinny. I want to be envied and desired.

I am sick. My stomach still hurts. I wish I could just be "naturally" skinny and underweight and I feel like so far over half my life has been wasted being disordered but having none of the benefits of thin like other anorexics.

I just hate existing. I hate myself.

I don't know how to end this. It was all over the place. I am sorry.


[Intro] I'm new here...
Created: Sat Jun 17 00:24:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrz6z/im_new_here/
Hey all, I'm new to not only Reddit but this page as well. I've been in and out of treatment centers for the last 3 years with multiple relapses, and I'm currently in a relapse. I wouldn't necessarily call myself "proED" or "proana" because I don't encourage eating disorders at all considering I've been in treatment and I know the dangers and what not and blah blah blah. But I just find this page interesting and my ED is like hey join this page it will help you stay accountable for losing weight. It's messed up we're all messed up lol. Anyway. I'm 5'8" and my current weight is 128. My lowest was like 107 or something around there, and my goal weight range my treatment team has for me is between 130-140 which o disagree with but whatever. I'm trying to get to a low weight again before even thinking about going to treatment again. Love to all!

[Discussion] EC Stacks and Crashing
/u/IM_POOR_SEND_CASH [5'0 | SW: 155 CW: 140 LW: 102 | -15 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 23:41:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrtjp/ec_stacks_and_crashing/
I just got back into restricting after binging for a week and so I tried EC Stacks for the first time today.

Half a pill of Bronkaid and 100 mg caffeine at 2 pm, then another at 6. I'm crashing so hard right now. It works wonders but I just broke down crying after I got flamed in a game, and I'm usually not that sensitive.

I wasn't ready for this crash at all, does anyone do anything in particular to make the crash not as bad?

EC stacks are amazing though, all I've had today was half a container of yogurt. 60 calories compared to my previous 3000 :)'

Edit: I may have somewhat seriously mentioned suicidal tendencies to a friend and now I'm freaking out.

[Goal] Goal: not going to weigh myself until next Saturday.
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Fri Jun 16 23:31:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrsaa/goal_not_going_to_weigh_myself_until_next_saturday/
So that I can eat normally (is this what normal is????) today for my birthday and get back on track this week with restriction and when I step on the scale next it'll be like today didn't even happen โœจ

[Rant/Rave] RAW
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Fri Jun 16 22:37:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hrkxu/raw/
I am DONE! FINE FUCKING DONE! Apparently I will binge on almost anything! I am making the final full transfer to raw veganism starting now. fruits and veggies are the only things I can eat without almost killing myself. I'm done.

[Help] B/P'ed twice in three hours.
Created: Fri Jun 16 21:06:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr70t/bped_twice_in_three_hours/

[Rant/Rave] I prevented a binge
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr4zo/i_prevented_a_binge/
I already ate half my body weight in Chinese food today, but I was cleaning and found a bag of chips and spent a looooong time walking around rationalizing why it was okay to eat them, and a sandwich, and a yogurt, and some fruit, etc etc, at 10pm, lol. I seriously *felt* my mind rooting around trying to come up with new reasons why it was okay after I would mentally say no, that's ridiculous and not a good reason to eat that much.

So instead I drank a lot of water and had a sugar free popsicle and I'm going to bed. No more cleaning. Lol.

Good night everyone, I love you all, you're gorgeous and strong and you can do anything. Kisses

[Rant/Rave] I am getting back on track tomorrow.
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:43:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr3lv/i_am_getting_back_on_track_tomorrow/

[Rant/Rave] I always fuck up when I get close
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:40:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr34i/i_always_fuck_up_when_i_get_close/
When I was about to hit the 120's I fucking binge for a month and gain 20 pounds. Now I've been trying to get into the 130's. This morning woohoo I'm 139.9, but I just binged and I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm going to purge later even though I told myself I wouldn't

[Rant/Rave] ugh
Created: Fri Jun 16 20:28:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hr19z/ugh/

[Rant/Rave] ANGER
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 144|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 19:49:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hquvt/anger/

[Rant/Rave] Just binged so hard
/u/bomb_dot_calm [5'3" | CW:130lbs | 23.0 | HW: 139 LW: 119.8 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 19:13:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqoe8/just_binged_so_hard/
I fell off the wagon after my long distance bf visited last weekend and today I binged so hard on cheeseburger and French fries from five guys (damn you post mates.....). I feel so stuffed and sick and I have plans to workout tomorrow morning but it feels like I'm never going to get out from under this.

Please tell me it's possible to say this is the last time, tomorrow I'm back to eating in line with my goals.... I feel like every time I promise to myself I fall off even harder lately

[Discussion] Help me remember this ED show?
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqh6o/help_me_remember_this_ed_show/

[Other] The grossest thing my ed has made me do video
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:26:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqg9o/the_grossest_thing_my_ed_has_made_me_do_video/
Reddit will be in part two! Thank you for all your help friendships [the grossest things my ed has made me do](https://youtu.be/ra00-fYTb3g)

[Discussion] Anyone else find they can drink a monster and not eat for 4+ hours?
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:22:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqfiz/anyone_else_find_they_can_drink_a_monster_and_not/

[Rant/Rave] Finally a good day
/u/ED2134 [168cm | fat | female| -10kg]
Created: Fri Jun 16 18:18:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hqeta/finally_a_good_day/
I have a hell of a couple month behind me. a lot of emotional stress and a lot of binging.

BUT today was the first day i stayed under 700 cal. first good day in over 4 month. it is time to get back on track!

[Rant/Rave] It's so hard to try and fight depression through socializing while still trying to restrict
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:33:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq6p7/its_so_hard_to_try_and_fight_depression_through/

[Rant/Rave] How many calories does an emotional roller coaster burn?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:21:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq4fm/how_many_calories_does_an_emotional_roller/
So many highs and lows even in just one day. My lows hit during the day and then I get that bursting high once the sun goes down. Ready to throw myself out the window at noon and having a 90s club dance party alone in room at midnight. ^PS. ^I've ^never ^been ^clubbing ^but ^have ^been ^dying ^to ^go ^and ^have ^no ^friends ^and ^pls ^someone ^take ^me ^to ^an ^80s/90s ^night.

Every day I question the validity of my thoughts and feelings because I see the same situation so differently throughout the day.

I have a month left in my current place before I move back to the states and I sense a wide range of emotions smacking me in the face until then.

Of course, since I can't control my emotions, I try to control what I eat. As if weighing out my oatmeal puts the universe back in order for a while. ^But ^it ^totally ^does

[Discussion] some thoughts about getting older
/u/pungentthrowaway [5'1.5" large and in charge (of nothing)]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:18:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq3vx/some_thoughts_about_getting_older/
I can see 30 from here, and honestly, that number on its own doesn't mean much to me. But I can also see fine lines, and a perpetually tired look on my face. I don't get carded for alcohol or cigarettes anymore. It's made me think a lot about my ED.

I had my last session with my long time therapist last week and I made a joke about how I don't even do basic self care aside from taking good care of my skin. She was just like, why? Why do you care? And without even thinking I went into a thing about how I am acutely aware of how other people treat me. I am extra sensitive to rejection. I am going to stay as conventionally attractive as I can for as long as I can because people are nicer to me and people scare me and I will go to great lengths to make the basic reaction to *me* more positive. It's a weird kind of vanity I guess.

I have nice skin, but I'm still fat. There aren't really any aspects of neglecting my skin that give me great pleasure, like sabotaging my restriction (with binge eating) does. And like nice skin is my happy little safe place at this point because in reality it's like nice skin on a pig and I try to feel pretty with makeup etc and I see a picture of myself and wonder why I'm taking the time to put fuckin highlighter on a pig.

I just wish weight was some other minor vanity point like moisturizing. But instead it's everything and I'm so upset and fat and if I'm still fat in 5 years I'm afraid of how I will feel. I've never been beautiful but apparently my entire self image has been "cute young girl" and I'm not cute and I'm about to not be young and where am I gonna be? Idk I'm just scared.

if anyone made it this far ty because you are a reason I feel slightly less alone right now <3

[Other] This makes me sad, but it also won't make me stop.
/u/-novaterra- [174cm | 67Kg | i wanna be 58 again :( |]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:16:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq3my/this_makes_me_sad_but_it_also_wont_make_me_stop/

[Rant/Rave] I got a stomach virus. Why am I so happy?
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:05:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq1hw/i_got_a_stomach_virus_why_am_i_so_happy/
Have spent the entire day being ill and not able to eat or drink anything at all. At this rate, I might actually hit my weight goal. I'm physically so miserable, but I can't help but feel really happy about this.

I am so completely fucked up. Why am I like this?

[Rant/Rave] In so much pain right now.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 16 17:00:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hq0nn/in_so_much_pain_right_now/
On mobile flair as rant/rave.

Yesterday I binged and it's been 24 hours or so since I ate anything and I still feel bloated and heavy and my stomach hurts so much. I probably took ten laxatives or so because I was scared to purge and so here I am at work. Two hours into my shift in lots of pain. I couldn't eat if I wanted to and I definitely don't want to. It's like my body is taking its revenge out on me for binging and fasting so much.

I just want to lay down and try to rest but it is the first day of my work week. I am committed to fasting and trying to make up for my binges.

Also some girl used my personal coffee cup at work which pissed me off but I'm too coy and passive agressive to say anything.

I hurt so much and also I just have brain fog like I feel slightly slower than I usually am and feel like my coworkers hate me.

I am just not in good heads pace right now.

Send love and good vibes.


[Rant/Rave] When your Reddit homepage
Created: Fri Jun 16 16:49:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpyg4/when_your_reddit_homepage/

[Rant/Rave] Ate dessert last night :(
Created: Fri Jun 16 16:19:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpsoe/ate_dessert_last_night/

[Rant/Rave] "what do you feel like eating?"
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Fri Jun 16 16:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpr0r/what_do_you_feel_like_eating/
my girlfriend doesn't understand my eating disorder, which I'm thankful for, because that means she doesn't have one. unfortunately, that also means she brings me food because she knows I haven't eaten, she asks me if I've eaten, and worst of all, she asks me what I'd like to eat. I am avidly against lying, so I always answer her questions honestly, I honestly tell her I will try but probably won't eat the food she brings me, but the thing she doesn't necessarily understand is that I may be extremely hungry or woozy, but I can't have anything to eat. she asks me, "what does your body want, even if your mind doesn't?" nothing. I try to think of foods that I could consume, but when I think about food, I get nauseous. I just can't do it, okay???? I want to make her happy, but I can't even hug her unless I'm empty. the anxiety is too much. this isn't my choice. I wish I could be okay with being 121 lbs, but I'm just not. I'm just fat. I'm disgusting.

[Rant/Rave] anxiety is one helluva appetite suppressant
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:57:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpo5d/anxiety_is_one_helluva_appetite_suppressant/

[Rant/Rave] Ugggghhhh
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:51:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpmti/ugggghhhh/
I haven't been able to keep much down since my successful few days in high restriction, and then I had issues with my kitchen so my safe meals weren't available. And it has been a b/p fest for over a week. My weight hasn't budged, which I guess I'm not surprised by. I just found out that this should be changing around next Tuesday, so that's helpful. I just won't have much more time living on my own with no one around who knows about my ED much longer after that. I work from home so it's pretty hard to hide, but at least it will keep me from binging and purging.

I just feel gross and tired and useless. I just want to be functional and busy and thin again. I've noticed a little change since I discharged from treatment, which I'm grateful for, but I want to be less than this. I want to be invisible like I feel some days.

[Help] Weighed at Outpatient??
/u/vhenah [5'7 |CW: too much | 20.95 | -86.4 | MOO]
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:45:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hplp6/weighed_at_outpatient/
To make a very long story short, I was admitted into the psych ward in Mid-May for my issues with depression and anxiety (and wanting to die oops). When I got out, they referred me to an outpatient facility and in both places I was honest about having an ED because I know it can influence the meds I can take and the therapists are of course psychoanalyzing me so they might as well have the whole story right?

ANYWAY, MY DUMBNESS ASIDE....they weighed me today at outpatient, saying my insurance wants my height and weight. I don't believe them though, because I'm hella paranoid whaddup. And now I'm just kind of stuck between wanting to restrict more now that my meds have gotten my b/p under control and feeling like I have to maintain just to seem like I'm 'okay' or healthy. I know they can't force me to do anything or go to inpatient, but I'm more scared that they'll tell the people I listed as 'allowed' to call in and ask how I'm doing?? Idk. I'm probably being dumb but has anyone else had an experience like this??

[Other] I've been really good up until today.
Created: Fri Jun 16 15:04:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hpd0u/ive_been_really_good_up_until_today/
Long story short, I've always had problems with my weight.
I wouldn't say that my disordered eating was ever that extreme, but it did hinder my social life and caused me great anxiety at times.
It did get me from 185 down to 130 a few years back.

Fast forward four years after moving away for college, finding a stable relationship, and being happier in general...I've basically gained it all back. I always said I would kill myself if I ever got that big again but hey! here I am.

What really woke me up and make me realize I need to weigh myself again was when none of my clothes fit. I wanted to wear something cute on memorial day, but had to resort to wrapping a big scarf around my lard ass like a skirt. I thought it was as cute as I'm gonna get. At my family cookout my grandma noticed and actually said "So are you going to buy a whole new wardrobe, or just stop eating? It would be cheaper to stop eating".

I'd say I've lost 10 pounds since then, although I am trying really hard not to obsessively weigh myself like I used to. My boss served us pizza and cookies for lunch today so I came home and purged. *sigh*

[Help] Could someone please link me a good TDEE spreadsheet?
Created: Fri Jun 16 13:36:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hotr3/could_someone_please_link_me_a_good_tdee/
I lost my phone and now I need to start over :(

[Other] I lost 4 pounds in 3 days. (Trigger warning)
/u/raspberryfleur [5'6 | 117 | 18.9 | -52 | Female]
Created: Fri Jun 16 13:28:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6horu5/i_lost_4_pounds_in_3_days_trigger_warning/
And for once I'm not proud of myself. Ever since Saturday night I haven't been well. I was drinking and smoking with some former friends of mine. One of them got up and left, leaving me alone with the other.

All I remember is me going to his room and he tried to rape me pretty much. Kissed me all over, forced me to take my shirt off. Tried to get my pants off too. Being on my period is what pretty much saved me from having anything worse done to me. I got out as soon as I could. Apparently when I left shit hit the fan.

The two of them are in jail right now. Not sure what for 100% as I didn't call the police on them. They lost their jobs because of me. One is homeless because of me. I feel like I've caused so much chaos.

Yet so much is going through my head. Why the hell was one hiding in the shower? He could hear me crying out. Was this entire thing...planned? I can barely remember the events straight. Goddamn I feel like a fraud. I didn't sleep for two days after it happened. I didn't think I was violated until a few days later. It's so weird.

And here I am. I've eaten about 2500 calories in almost a week. Lost 4 pounds in a matter of days. I'm 5'6 and down to 117 pounds. Everyone is freaking out.

For once I'm not happy the scale dropped.

[Rant/Rave] I have to go to a pool party tonight
/u/radbitch666 [5'8| 139.8 | 21.03 | -10.2 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 13:26:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hordl/i_have_to_go_to_a_pool_party_tonight/
I'm supposed to go to a pool party tonight that my boyfriends friend is hosting and there's gonna be so many people there and I'm kinda panicking. Thankfully the weather (I don't think) is hot enough to actually go in to the pool so I can keep my dress on. Honestly I feel like if I went swimming I wouldn't even be surprised if I heard someone yell "THAR SHE BLOWS!!!" Ugh I just wish I could do social things and enjoy them like a normal person lol fml

[Rant/Rave] Greaaaat news!
Created: Fri Jun 16 10:36:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hnnpg/greaaaat_news/
After IF and only eating 400-600 calories a day for 5 days, I am down 4pounds, have so much more energy and such a lack of appetite. Holy effing shit I am so damn happy right now. Sending all you guys great vibes today!!

[Rant/Rave] Meal plan resulting in basically no free time
/u/kristine0711 [158cm | 46.4kg | BMI 18.6 | 17F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 10:18:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hnjgn/meal_plan_resulting_in_basically_no_free_time/
I've sort of been forced into recovery by my parents and therapist. As a result, I was given a meal plan a few days ago, which my dad makes sure i follow strictly (or that's what he thinks at least).
The plan consists of 4 meals + one snack, and is supposed to be somewhere between 1600-1800 calories.

I, of course, do my best to avoid eating, and find it surprisingly easy to hide away food when my father isn't looking, resulting in me consuming 1000-1200 calories instead of the 1800 I'm supposed to. Although, a bit too many calories that I would like, I can somewhat manage it.

The BIG problem, however, is the amount of meals, and how much time this takes away from my day. Basically, I have to eat at 9:00am, 12:30pm, 4:00pm, 6:30pm and 9:00pm. I have to finish all meals within 30min, leaving me aprox 2-3 hours between each meal. And as if that wasn't enough, I have a 1hr "rest time" after each meal, where I have to sit down in the living room with an adult present. So, the problem here is, obviously, I got barely any time left to do what I want! Like, i literally got 1-1 1/2hrs between each meal...!

WTF do they expect me to do in that fucking hour between the meals?!? They have straight out taken away all my free time, and it makes me so angry!! Like, I got things to do, you know?!
Idk, it just makes me so upset that they literally have taken away all my free time

[Rant/Rave] 33 days binge free & under 600 cals (yay!) 29 days to go & thinking only of pizza (not yay)
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 141.8 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:58:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hnett/33_days_binge_free_under_600_cals_yay_29_days_to/
Rave/rant! So I just got out of a several month long binge cycle. Have stayed under 600 cals since May 14, though. Stats if anyone's interested:

May 14: 159 :( -- (after binging the day before hardcore + months of binge/restrict cycle)
May 21: 154
May 28: 149.8
June 4: 145.8
June 11: 143.8
Today: 141.8

Ate 500 cals/less first 3 weeks, and 600 cals since June 4. I'm proud of my streak but at the same time I feel like there's barely a difference. Ugh. I go on vacation in 29 days and I swore to myself that I would continue this streak until then but right now it's 11 AM & all I can think of is pizza. I haven't worked out so I'm going to incorporate exercise for the next 28 days alongside restriction. Prob will increase to 700-800 cals for energy but god damn anything above 800 makes me want to break out into a sweat.

How do you all banish mind cravings!? I am terrified I'm going to break!! Also vacation I'll allow myself to eat some but I really don't want to. Vacation tips to help ease my mind also much appreciated :)

And thank you to this community. I don't post or comment much but just lurking here has given me great strength. <3

[Goal] Goals?
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:33:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hn93f/goals/
I know it's mid June but I'm just wondering what goals you guys have planned for the next couple weeks? (ed or non ed related)

I'm living alone right now and just looking for small goals to pick up as I have nothing to do in my free time. My current ones at the moment:

- Stay under 800 cals and allow my self one binge day a week

- Learn this [dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCcfWU2aqec) (this is my current thinspo lol)

- Pass the one summer class i'm taking with an A

- Finish a couple books I started

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] My convenient work schedule
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 119.8 | GW 108 | 20.9 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:29:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hn89l/rave_my_convenient_work_schedule/
Yesterday, I skipped dinner because I was working and was tired when I came home so I fell asleep at 9. I woke up at 4am, but I fell back asleep and woke up for good at 8am, just in time to skip breakfast. I'll skip dinner again tonight for work.

Meals in our society can feel darn-right mandatory, especially while getting together with friends. While I am still living with my parents, I am grateful for any excuses I can get. I'm really excited to go off to college this fall. Hopefully, I'll have a lot more independence when it comes to what I eat and when I eat it.

[Discussion] Who else is starting the ABC diet? Its my first day! pm me if you wanna be motivators!
Created: Fri Jun 16 09:09:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hn3nr/who_else_is_starting_the_abc_diet_its_my_first/

[Discussion] What is your favorite broth? ๐Ÿฅ˜
/u/Neatsfoot [5'8" ๐Ÿ]
Created: Fri Jun 16 08:16:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmsap/what_is_your_favorite_broth/
I have a recipe for bone broth I am kinda dying to use, but not dying enough to get over my colossal laziness and drag the pots out.

What's your favorite broth? Do you make it, buy it, conjure it with fairy magic?

[Other] Hey Im starting a webcomic account related to depression and eating disorders ! Thought you guys may appreciate.
/u/Nude-prude [5"6.5 | 124.8lbls |19.82|-40 (then +30 lol)| female]
Created: Fri Jun 16 07:53:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmnm0/hey_im_starting_a_webcomic_account_related_to/

[Other] Just, just :(
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Fri Jun 16 07:35:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmk26/just_just/
[Other] I finished my final exams in my master's degree on Wednesday and should be elated. But, I took another exam at the beginning of June which I think I failed and which meant more to me than my entire master's. I haven't gained since I last went home but when I came to the UK I weighed 54kg. Now when I reflect I feel like I should be proud of myself on the one hand but I just can't be because in the facets of my life that I actually care about I'm a dismal failure. People keep making a big deal of me finishing and sending congratulations but inside I'm screaming.

[Humor] Lol. Try to cook low cal breakfast of one egg.
/u/moon-lady [๐ŸŽฎ๐Ÿ“ 5'0" | CW: 115.8lbs | BMI: 22.6 | -34.2lbs | 22F]
Created: Fri Jun 16 07:11:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hmfew/lol_try_to_cook_low_cal_breakfast_of_one_egg/
The fucker has two yolks inside.

Life you so funny

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 16, 2017
Created: Fri Jun 16 06:13:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hm528/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
This is the weekly picture thread for June 16, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 16, 2017
Created: Fri Jun 16 06:13:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hm514/daily_food_diary_june_16_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 16, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] Upside to having relationship problems: too upset to eat
Created: Fri Jun 16 06:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hm3wb/upside_to_having_relationship_problems_too_upset/
My relationship turned south out of fucking nowhere and I can't stop crying, literally. I cry during work, in the shower, in bed, while drawing, while I'm browsing the Internet, etc etc. My eyes are puffy and red and they sting like fuck.

But hey! I lost my appetite too, and I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday and I'm pale and shaking and dizzy but I really can't bring myself to eat anything because I'm so upset so... yay me?

Hope everyone is well <3

[Tip] Command line calorie tracker
Created: Fri Jun 16 05:41:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hlzyr/command_line_calorie_tracker/

[Rant/Rave] A reflection post for the past couple days and a lot of venting so sorry if this is a long one...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 16 05:28:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hly3h/a_reflection_post_for_the_past_couple_days_and_a/
On mobile please flair as rant rave.

So as of two days ago I had fasted for 8 days with little bits of liquid mostly coffee and little little amounts of alcohol.

That was Tuesday through Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon I caved and binged. Listing for accountability

A 14oz box of pecan maple granola
3 cups of vanilla silk almond milk
1 cup chocolate silk almond milk
7 oreos
Half a vegan club sandwhich I ordered from my work
A couple bites of a vegan pancake
A serving of French fries also from work

I used a delivery service to order food which I seldom do. Maybe ones before. It was expensive, took an hour to arrive and wasn't so great when it arrived but having spent the money I ate everything anyway.

I heard someone tell me one bite is too much and a million is never enough. That seems too true right now.

After my binge which last maybe an hour and a half and totalled over 3500+ calories by my calculations in Loseit (an app I have on my phone) I felt panicky and awful so without thinking I dug into my messenger bag and took out some laxatives.

I took the five remaining ones I had. I knew it probably wasn't a good idea but my desire to feel empty again was strong and purging was really painful the last time I tried.

I managed to not eat for the rest of the night and the laxatives never did take effect. I felt bloated until the next day.

On Thursday I was planning so fast again to make up for my binge and get back on track. I sent out to buy a new scale because the analog one I was using probably wasn't very accurate. I found a new scale and when I used it it said I weighed 170 lbs.

For reference when I was fasting the analog scale had me down to 163 lbs or 165lbs. Some where in that range. I knew I must-have been holding on to some food and water weight from the binge so I tried to ignore it.

Then I was alone at home. I seldom eat around people and so whenever I am alone I feel the binge urges are the strongest. I was fine but then I started looking at what other vegan binge food was still tempting and around. I justified another because if I ate then it wouldn't be around later.

How's that for logic? So then I binged again. The remains of some vegan spaghetti and gardein meatless meatballs, and I ordered more food. This time it was tofu yakisoba from a vegan place down the street. This binge may have been smaller and maybe closer to 2000 calories but I still felt awful.

So I took more laxatives. 6, 25mg ex lax tablets and here I am awake in bed hours later instead with awful stomach pains.

I hate this life. Binging, trying to restrict. Fasting. Feeling like I'm never going to get to my gw or ugw because they seem so far off. I feel like when I fast I lose so slowly but somehow I eat and my body just holds onto everything.

I know it's foolish but I'm going to attempt another long fast but then plan a 500 to 1000 calorie day at the end. I need to get back on track. I only have 3 more weeks until I am supposed to take a trip to DC to see my SO who I am separated from and I need to look skinnier. I also really want to hit my gw by fall so I can try maintaining and get my shit together.

I have this idea that I can be one of those skinny recovered people. I'll get to underweight and stay there indefinitely and just eat maintenence for the small weight I have. I'll eat like a bird as some of my friend and family tend to say or my "naturally" skinny friends who seemingly don't eat much.

I want to eat very little and be satisfied. I want to be thin so I can try to recover because I can't do it now. I can't be happy with my body as it is. I want to cut and burn again. The S/H urges have been strong.

I want to bounce back from this binge episode and just get back on track. I was miserable but I made it 8 days before. If I try for another 8 days and come out of it eating something simple like steamed veggies or an apple maybe it's be better. I know going straight to processed junk and comfort food just gave me a headache.

I may be delving into orthorexia territory which doesn't seem so far fetched being a longtime vegetarian and vegan . Feeling like some foods are gross because they are greasy, processes, ugly, sticky, resoundingly unhealthy, carby not natural.

I don't know where I am going with this. I hope I can get a better reading on my weight after the food weight is flushed out of me. I don't know how long it will take.

I guess I also wanted to post because sometimes I feel like I don't belong when I binge. I feel tremendous shame when I binge and like I am an awful person and undeserving of this community. I can't restrict I tend to fast and binged and purge. I have had stints of semi successful restricting but I tend to binge more and then just not eat.

I feel physically ill as a result of the last two days and am going into a busy work week, Sunday is father's day so probably a busy day at the restaurant and a busy weekend as always. Send me good vibes lovelies and pm's are welcomed if anyone likes chatting.

Friendly neighborhood unicorn who don't give a fuck,


[Discussion] Cut and then bulk?
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Fri Jun 16 05:16:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hlw8o/cut_and_then_bulk/
Has anyone ever been underweight like BMI 17 and then bulked with high protein intake + exercise and become really toned and fit but still thin (thigh gap pls) with an under 20 BMI? What exercise did you do? I'm assuming weights and body weight exercises and maybe yoga?

Starting to think this might be my goal but not sure if it's possible. All advice and anecdotes welcome.

[Discussion] Anyone else seen the religious 40 day water fast lady?
Created: Fri Jun 16 03:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hljji/anyone_else_seen_the_religious_40_day_water_fast/

[Rant/Rave] Obsessing over food
Created: Fri Jun 16 02:51:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hlcdu/obsessing_over_food/
I have been thinking about a damn sandwich nonstop for the past six hours. It is 3 am. What am I doing with my life???

[Rant/Rave] Water retention is pure evil
Created: Fri Jun 16 02:06:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hl6wi/water_retention_is_pure_evil/

[Help] Making dinner for my friend and my sister...help me please
/u/ALonelySeaCucumber [5'6" | CW 139.6 GW 110 | 22.5 | -20.4 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 23:33:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hkm6k/making_dinner_for_my_friend_and_my_sisterhelp_me/
Title says it all pretty much. Does anyone have a dinner recipe that my "not too adventurous in the culinary department" guy friend and sister would enjoy that won't kill me inside to eat? My friend doesn't eat salads. I'm completely at a loss.

[Rant/Rave] Can't stop binging :(
Created: Thu Jun 15 23:06:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hki73/cant_stop_binging/
June was supposed to be my month, right? Yeah well I can forget that. I swear all I've done this week was binge! I'm eating so much that I feel sick and none of my pants will fit because I'm so bloated. I've been crying for hours and I feel so lost. I've never been a binger so I have no idea what's happening.

I'm just so pathetic. I was binging on toast and I just kept putting more slices of bread in the toaster and eating the previous pieces while making more. I probably did that four or so times. My eating disorder is seriously making me reconsider suicide because I feel so fucking shitty and I don't want to do this anymore but I know I can't stop.

[Other] I just had 3/4 of a strawberry cupcake with tons of frosting...
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 22:28:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hkc8a/i_just_had_34_of_a_strawberry_cupcake_with_tons/
And I'm not going to freak out over it.

Obviously there's still some anxiety I'm feeling right now, but fuck it I've been doing good lately. As long as I don't let this become habit, and work even harder to stay on track tomorrow, I'm okay.

I walked in 100+ degree weather up hills from 10am to 1:30 today, and I ate fairly well aside from this.

the free Chipotle bowl I got (~600)
the mini cheddar bites from Sonic (250)
this (~350)

So like 1200 calories for the day. That's double what I had planned, but beyond food weight I don't think I've sabotaged anything.

Sorry feel free to ignore my ramblings I post here way too fucking much lmao.

[Help] Planning to fast tomorrow for the first time...
/u/anxiousfemale [5'6 | 165lb | 126 | 0 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 22:12:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hk9p4/planning_to_fast_tomorrow_for_the_first_time/

[Other] Bye and thank you.
Created: Thu Jun 15 21:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hk0nm/bye_and_thank_you/
I'm choosing recovery because there is no better time than now. I had a fucking grand mal seizure in the middle of an orientation class for nurse grads. Nothing was wrong (CT, urine,etc) except I'm pretty sure it's my bulimia. Even today my mind is hazy and it feels wrong like pieces of my head is still floating- and my muscles hurt and feel like they weigh a fuckton. I'm done โœ… this is scary but I need to get better. The state of my mind and body is unnerving, unnatural, very much weakened and I don't want this.

Goodbye and thank you. I have to leave. I want to get better.

EDIT: thank you guys. I prob will lurk around --I just want to get better on my own terms. Idk what to expect but I've already purged 2x now so I'm probably running in the dark now but at least I wanna end this..

[Discussion] anybody have thinspo music?
Created: Thu Jun 15 21:15:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hk06o/anybody_have_thinspo_music/
tbh whenever I wanna binge I just listen to music by skinny singers and it helps. Zara Larsson <3

god this sounds pathetic lol

[Discussion] [Discussion] favorite nutrition/snack bars?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:49:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjvoh/discussion_favorite_nutritionsnack_bars/
I usually eat one instead of lunch and am trying to find the one with the best payoff. A lot of them are low cal but very small, not filling, or aren't very good flavor wise. I've been liking the Kashi ones lately, but I'm curious- what are your favorites and which do you think have the best payoff?

Sorry, on mobile can't flair properly.

[Tip] What a great idea!!
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -60 | 31F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:33:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjslf/what_a_great_idea/
I just read an article on r/fatlogic and at the very end the author mentioned that a woman had lost weight after writing her weight on her hand every day.

I'm starting tomorrow!

No more pinching my fat or trying to distract myself when I'm craving something.

[Intro] Skipping the Purge
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:29:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjrx1/skipping_the_purge/
I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I think my mom and sister knew something was up because ever since Thanksgiving I haven't been allowed to go home without dinner and waiting awhile.

At first I was annoyed cause I had to eat my mom's carby meals and sit around, but my frustration soon switched to my weight. I gained about 70 lbs since then and I'm so sad about that. So I just decided "fuck it and started eating whatever I wanted cause I was a fatty anyway.

It turns out appearing to be excited about food makes people think you've turned a new leaf, because my Mom stop insisting I come over every day. My first few days home were okay until I ran out of food.

Something clicked inside of me. I don't have to eat. Now that I'm home, I can avoid meals and if I get really hungry I'll just go to my mom's or something. Best part:I didn't have to hide purging that doesn't exist.

So now I basically trick/humor my family by eating when I need some food and starving myself when I can get away with it. It's been about 12 hours since I had food and I'm not expected until Father's Day (funny side note: Daddy loves and expects two banana nut bread loaves as the "baker daughter"), so I already know I'm going to avoid food until then.

And yes I know not eating isn't healthy, but is it anymore dangerous than purging?

[Discussion] New or old BMI?
Created: Thu Jun 15 20:24:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjqyi/new_or_old_bmi/
I feel bad for using the new BMI being a bit taller. :/

What do you guys use?

[Tip] I guess if the anorexia doesn't kill me directly, all the hot tea will. (Another med school "fun" fact.) ๐Ÿ™„
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:53:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjllr/i_guess_if_the_anorexia_doesnt_kill_me_directly/

[Rant/Rave] Finally Progress!
/u/We_Are_Vigilant_ [5'9"| CW164 GW150 | ~ | M]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:26:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjgu2/finally_progress/
I can finally wear the clothes I had when I was closest to my target weight. I'm excited cause I have a bunch of really nice clothes that I saved.

I just wanted to rave about it because I'm really happy with myself. =P

How are you guys doing?

[Other] The first day I haven't b/p'd in three months
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 100.2lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:22:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjg37/the_first_day_i_havent_bpd_in_three_months/
I did it. I have literally shoved my hand down my throat /every single day/ since early March, and before then it has been every single day since early January. Every day; it was clockwork. Come home from work, b/p for a couple of hours, sleep, rinse and repeat.
But today I broke the cycle.

Words can't even begin to describe how I feel.
Happy isn't the right word. I feel strong...like I finally kicked my ED out to sleep on the curb for the night.

I'm about to go to sleep, haha. Sorry for the dumb post. I just feel something I haven't felt in a long time. I feel like I've finally won a battle in the three-year-long-war.

[Discussion] Bloat from working out?
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 144|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 19:13:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjehe/bloat_from_working_out/
Anyone else feel more bloated when you've been working out hard for at least a few days? Is it a real thing that your body retains more when you work out because it thinks you're stressed? Like you're running away from lions or some shit so you don't have access to food so you need to store more. This better result in a great whoosh damnit

[Rant/Rave] Cannot STAND BEING FULL! So what do you do bc of ED logic? B i n G E!
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:52:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hjai3/cannot_stand_being_full_so_what_do_you_do_bc_of/
Augh. I was at 22/24 hours of my fast, and my friend and I were studying Physics but I couldnt focus properly because I ran about 5k, and then walked a bunch and was exhausted. So I decided to eat two very small apples. Okay sure, no problem. Then we bake cookies. I figure, okay... Doesnt... H u rt.... To try some cookie dough........

I end up overestimating(by a lot) it and guessing ~500 cals. I figure, okay, still at a deficit. Then I sneak in more cookie dough. Tiny morsels of course, but that induces intensified self hate.

Finally the cookies are made, and I had two at most. (we broke them up into small pieces and ate those) but after the cookie dough I was sO full. But I kept eating because of the slobby pig I am. Then her parents offer dinner. I have a tiny portion, but at this point Im stuffed.

When I get home I had a cup of broth and I feel like exploding. So what do I do? BINGE BECAUSE IM ALREADY FULL SO WHY NOT MAKE MYSELF FULLER. Except I couldnt really binge because a granola bar, two cookies, and half a cup of cereal later im so nauseous. What do you do to cure nausea? Purge, obviously ๐Ÿ™„.

I love only eating dinner everyday, and fasting is only making me feel fuller faster which is absolutely fantastic (i do 24 hour fasts between dinner because I have to eat with my parents).

Also on a completely unrelated note, I have a Physics exam tomorrow and a super important social essay. I really want to fast, but will it affect my performance? Do you guys usually fast while doing school stuff?

Thank all of u for listening to my quick rant as well as my completely unrelated question

[Discussion] What's something that takes forever to eat?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.6 | -27.4 | F | G: 99]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:34:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hj5uq/whats_something_that_takes_forever_to_eat/
This will control my bingers.

I accidentally found rice (cracker) rolls. These huge rolls take forever to eat and they're only 49 calories each. I'm tired of biting and chewing after 2 of those things.

I also like loli pops :)

[Other] Looking for iMessage friends
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:16:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hj20h/looking_for_imessage_friends/

Looking for iMessage friends
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:14:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hj1hz/looking_for_imessage_friends/

[Rant/Rave] Thank you for existing.
Created: Thu Jun 15 18:05:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hizl2/thank_you_for_existing/

[Rant/Rave] working at a truck stop
/u/101_honey [๐ŸŒผ5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Thu Jun 15 17:48:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hiwcu/working_at_a_truck_stop/
is literally the worst. i worked at one owned by my parents in highschool, and im helping there right now. surrounded in binge foods, totally alone, and i dont pay for it. fuuuuuck me sideways. ๐Ÿ™ƒ

[Discussion] Dumbest binge logic?
/u/justanotherbrunette [5'7" | CW 133 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 17:20:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hir86/dumbest_binge_logic/
I like to binge on fried chicken, but I pull the skin off so it's "not that bad".

I'll eat everything at once, telling myself that it's so it's not there to tempt me later.

I have to do everything in threes. If I eat one, it's a temptation. Two and it wasn't actually a binge and I was just being greedy. But three? Clearly not my fault, I had to do it.

Anyone have anything that runs through their heads?

*dumb restricting logic also welcome for inclusivity*

[Help] Does anybody else bump/knock their elbows of off e v e r y t h i n g?
/u/siamesealmeidaa [height:5'6" | CW:102lbs | BMI:16.5| weight lost:35lb | gender:F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 17:11:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hipml/does_anybody_else_bumpknock_their_elbows_of_off_e/
I've been noticing for the last little while that I've been elbowing almost every hard surface I am near ALL. THE. TIME. and also bouncing off of door frames, or losing balance just standing (but not in an "I'm fainting" way, more like a "quarter mile stumble" way lol). Am I just clutzy, or is this like. a thing?

you guys are all so kind; thank you for reading my shit.

[Humor] I don't get it
Created: Thu Jun 15 16:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6higju/i_dont_get_it/

[Rant/Rave] Finally under 58 kg! (GW of 55)
Created: Thu Jun 15 16:23:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hifev/finally_under_58_kg_gw_of_55/
I've gotten to the higher end of 58 kg multiple times. Always binging shortly after to 63+. But back then I wasn't fasting. Today I was 57.7 (My LW so far), and I'm certain I can keep going.

If you feel hungry and bingey all the time, consider fasting. It really works wonders for me at least.

Thanks for reading <3 I'm happy now :)

[Rant/Rave] Went to the doctor a few hours ago
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:52:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi8w1/went_to_the_doctor_a_few_hours_ago/
Well he said that if I lose anymore weight, I'll be hospitalised for anorexia nervosa. I was sort of happy yet sad, because hell yes I'm thin but also I'm putting myself in danger and waisting all the good abilities I have.
Idk why but I thought I was 127-128 because when I went to the hospital (in February and it was for a check up on a surgery) I weighed at 130. So I underestimated my weight loss until I find myself here at 120 pounds. I'm sort of mad because I've been overestimating my tdee and bmi but weight loss is weight loss.

I want to lose ten more pounds to have smaller legs, bonier arms and a bit more rib showing (I hate thinking like this but I can't help it) so I've decides to up my intake a tad so I don't lose as fast. I know with conditions like these you never feel happy with your goal weight for long but at least it's something to look forward to.

Also , I get to see a therapist for my very probable depression and self-harm tendencies so ye, it's okay...

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel invalid
/u/CouldNotLoadUsername [13|F|Prof-Diagnosed|AN]
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:27:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi3c3/does_anyone_else_feel_invalid/
I've just started "recovery", that is, I've just started getting help from doctors to stop my eating disorder. But sometimes I feel as if I have none, like today for example it doesn't bother me that I have to gain a few kilos, it doesn't bother me how high in calories my diet plan is and it feels as if I don't have an eating disorder.

I don't know whether or not this is just a "good day" and if things will fluctuate, or whether I was just going through "a phase" when I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I just don't know. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Should I go inpatient?
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:27:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi3ab/should_i_go_inpatient/

[Help] Estimating calories in sushi
Created: Thu Jun 15 15:21:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hi1xj/estimating_calories_in_sushi/

[Tip] I'd like to thank duolingo for being a distraction when I want to binge...
Created: Thu Jun 15 14:30:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhq4n/id_like_to_thank_duolingo_for_being_a_distraction/
It's honestly great! I'm in a club on there and am competitive by nature so I try to get as much XP as possible. Plus you learn so much! and it's a great distraction

[Rant/Rave] Halo Top Coupons
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | 192lb | M]
Created: Thu Jun 15 13:57:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhiew/halo_top_coupons/
I was at Meijer a few minutes ago and three of the self checkouts had coupons just lying in the dispenser--three free pints of what is usually $5.29 halo top. So I took them, naturally.

In comes a Well Meaning Mom, who tells me I shouldn't be "stealing." I hadn't eaten in 36 hours, and was not really in the mood for an argument, so I left. The "I'm bulimic, ma'am, please just let me enjoy this one thing" defense doesn't usually work.

[That Red Velvet is going to taste even better than usual โœจ๐Ÿฅ‚]

[Rant/Rave] My best friend just invited me to spend a week at her girlfriend's beach house.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 13:36:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhdh2/my_best_friend_just_invited_me_to_spend_a_week_at/
And I'm dreading it. I only have two weeks until the trip, and there's no way I can get to my goal weight in time. Last time I visited her, I was 20 pounds heavier, and I felt so miserable and fat and horrible that I refused to let her take any pictures of us. I honestly don't feel like I look any different now, and I'm not ready to wear a swimsuit in public or have pictures of the experience.

I've also had such a huge crush on her for years, and she isn't interested in me at all. I always sort of hoped that losing weight would change her mind, but she's recently started dating a girl who looks so much like I do right now. So it's not my weight, it's just something she doesn't like about who I am as a person. And I'm not sure how to cope with that. I can always lose weight, but I can't un-become myself.

[Help] A Misdiagnosis?
Created: Thu Jun 15 13:24:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hhalz/a_misdiagnosis/

[Discussion] The grossest thing our eds have made us do
Created: Thu Jun 15 12:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hh2yv/the_grossest_thing_our_eds_have_made_us_do/
[how to cure your ed]

Hey friendships I'm back! I'm going to make a video about the grossest things our eds have made us do! For example purging with someone else's toothbrush. Nice! Cool! I think we have all done some pretty gross shit and it will be fun to share. (I linked a video where I did something similar)

[Rant/Rave] Should be ashamed #sorrynotsorry
Created: Thu Jun 15 12:47:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hh1cm/should_be_ashamed_sorrynotsorry/
So I'm leaving my bf to move back to a college town I use to live in years ago, I've got job prospects lined up and everything; I'm happy about all of that but what I'm most stoked about is being able to live on my own and wallow in my ED without fear of judgement or encouragment to gorge on unhealthy food. I'll be able to drink all the LaCroix I want and weight myself to my hearts content. Should be ashamed that that's what I'm most happy about, but I'm not.

*obligatory no flair, on mobile*

[Discussion] Is anyone else unable to conjure a mental image of themselves?
/u/lilmissdisappearing [5'3" | 102 | 18.57 | *not enough* | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 12:28:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgwsl/is_anyone_else_unable_to_conjure_a_mental_image/
I imagine this is some kind of BDD thing, who knows.

I can recognize myself instantly in pictures and the mirror and stuff, and I feel like I have a general model of my body shape, but when I try to imagine an image of my whole body (or face, really) I simply can't do it.

Sure it's not just me, but not sure if it's an ED thing?

Can anyone tell me if EC stacking worked for them? I want to try it and I know about it but I want to hear from someone's who's doing it
Created: Thu Jun 15 11:35:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgk7f/can_anyone_tell_me_if_ec_stacking_worked_for_them/

[Rant/Rave] I'm in denial
Created: Thu Jun 15 11:18:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgg0p/im_in_denial/
So I had a talk with my psych and now I'm def off Wellbutrin because with a history of seizure (which I have now) it's contradicted.

He and discussed the root of this shit-it's my purging. I've been purging more than normal to deal with my anxiety and it's culminated to this. My head is foggy now and my muscles hurt.

All those days purging my throat raw, trembling fingers, stomach cramps, blurry vision, weakness and dehydration fml

I'm just in denial now because I just wanna get better but I also like...purging...it helps me...

But now I'm at a point where I'm more prone to seizures and one more seizure and I'd be losing my drivers license and wat about my job???? I'm just... ๐Ÿ˜ž

Don't fucking purge from the start the end

I think I'm on the fence still but I'll probably cut back the purging this is frifhtebng me just a tad

[Rant/Rave] Worried I accidentally convinced my friend to purge...
Created: Thu Jun 15 11:05:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hgcyb/worried_i_accidentally_convinced_my_friend_to/
I was hanging out at a bar with a couple friends. They were having long islands and Wingstop.
I stole a fry and sipped on jack and diet coke. Not gonna lie, I felt good about not eating as much as them.

One of my friends (Big D) hates his body and talks about wanting to lose weight all the time. He believes in CICO but is depressed and uses food as a crutch so he knowingly fattens himself.
He commented that I haven't eaten and that I should take another fry.

I was already tipsy so I go on a schpiel about how I don't hate myself as much when I'm restricting and how I should feel guilty for vomiting up food but I never do and that I'm happier when I'm hungry. The usual ED nonsense. I don't think my other friend hears it but Big D says he wishes he could purge. At least that's what it sounded like but the bar was too loud for me to be sure so I don't say anything.

The night goes on and they bring up my weight loss and tell me I'm not fat (ha).
The more they talk about the weight, the heavier I feel. So I announce, "I feel guilty about eating." and go to the bathroom. I'm sure they put two and two together.
When I get back, Big D is staring straight ahead. All his food is shoved to one side.
My other friend and I continue talking and suddenly Big D gets up and makes a bee-line to the bathroom, looking super determined. Oh no.

I haven't stopped feeling guilty since. I wish I wasn't so honest about my thoughts and feelings. I wish I was more ashamed of doing what I was doing. Why did I assume that everyone else is immune to ED brain and that I, being the snowflake that I am, am just uniquely broken?
Not gonna talk about my stupid ED bullshit because it's obviously affecting my loved ones. Just because they support me and visited me while I was in inpatient doesn't mean I can just unload on them whenever.

Created: Thu Jun 15 10:43:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hg7io/fuck_this_fuck_this_fuck_this/

[Rant/Rave] Quitting laxatives sucks and it better be worth it.
Created: Thu Jun 15 10:05:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfygt/quitting_laxatives_sucks_and_it_better_be_worth_it/

[Other] Wish me luck
/u/carlems [5'1| CW: 106 | GW: 94 | -14]
Created: Thu Jun 15 09:49:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfup3/wish_me_luck/
So, I've got a summer job in this workplace with six other people of the same age as me, and tomorrow is the last day. Because of that our boss wants to kind of have a "party day": we go see a movie, and the boss said she'll bring us chips and these chocolate candies as a movie snack/reward for the good work.

Those two are my biggest trigger foods.

I'm trying to avoid eating any, because I know if I take one it's going to lead me into a huge binge and I'm doing so well not binging, so I really don't want that. It's going to take me looots of willpower to refuse eating any and watch how others are enjoying them, but I'm gonna try and for once be stronger than my cravings. Hopefully it goes well!

(Sorry, this was really unnecessary post. Just wanted to let my thoughts and the small fear of tomorrow out!)

[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow I'm going to be the fat friend, again. FML [Rant]
/u/-novaterra- [174cm | 67Kg | i wanna be 58 again :( |]
Created: Thu Jun 15 09:47:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfu5o/tomorrow_im_going_to_be_the_fat_friend_again_fml/
I've been putting my life on hold till I'm skinny enough. I finally stoped binging and lost 5kg but still I am fatter then all my friends. And I'm almost at the low BMI mark. But I have to see them once every week or two because they nag me about me being deppresive.

Tomorrow when all 3 of us sit at the caffe, I'm gonna be the fat one.

I'm not depressed I'm just not comfortable in my body, learn the difference.

[Help] When it's time for bed, how do you guys deal with hunger pains?
/u/crescendols [5'0 | 99 | F | vegan]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:57:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfim0/when_its_time_for_bed_how_do_you_guys_deal_with/
I usually eat dinner as late as possible to prevent this, but lately I've been suffering from some major hunger pains when I'm trying to sleep! I'm getting around 4 to 5 hours of sleep because of this and it's starting to impact my work performance. I don't want to eat anything, and tea isn't helping...so do y'all have any advice or tips?

[Rant/Rave] Ummm best doctor's visit EVER????
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:46:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hfg8o/ummm_best_doctors_visit_ever/
Dreaded doctor's visit today (got a check up) because so not down to be weighed. I LOST 7LBS SINCE MY LAST CHECK UP??

Like it's been ~2 months since I visited, and I haven't had access to a scale between then and now, and since I've been restricting and binging on and off + not keeping track of calories as much as I should've been, this was an amazing surprise!! I honestly thought I gained!!

Ahhhhhh!!!!! Yay! :))))

[Discussion] Did anyone else start subconsciously
/u/missalligator [5'2" | 106.6lb | GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:42:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hffdu/did_anyone_else_start_subconsciously/
Sometimes I feel like an ED outlier because initially I never actively thought I was fat or deliberately decided to purge or restrict in hopes of becoming thinner. It was more a product of pushing myself too hard in college while simultaneously glorifying a lifestyle of self-destruction and perfection at the same time. I can think as far back about this to when I first started working out at the gym and enjoyed getting muscular, so I started going twice a day. But going twice a day took up a lot of time that cut into studying so I swapped my breakfast hour for a gym hour and just waited to eat till lunch. Then I decided lunch was taking up too much studying time so I skipped that too and waited till dinner. As semesters tend to progress I found the stress piling on sometime after midterms ramping up to finals and I found myself feelings too anxious to eat anything and preferring drinking as a coping mechanism, but the combination of drinking and an empty stomach would leave me with the worst hangover the next day and I couldn't keep anything down for at least 2 days. I dropped 15 lbs in about a month. I felt great. I kept going with this. I unfortunately picked up a smoking habit, which also made me nauseous most of the time, so if I had eaten anything before my cigarette it would come back up. Oops. I thought the calming effects were worth puking up whatever I ate that day and I had unintentionally reached my LW for the first time in my life at 102 lb. I also never slept which made me feel more sick so I had no appetite.

It wasn't until I had passed out on two occasions and one day had a partial seizure that someone told me "yeah people don't "forget" to eat for 3 days without drugs, that's anorexia". I mean that wouldn't be the literal diagnoses but that one comment was a wake up call. So I tried to stop and eat normal meals again. And I hated it. I hated being my HW again I wanted nothing more than to feel high from feeling empty and lightheaded and not be able to grab the flab on my belly again. I felt superhuman before; I didn't need to sleep or eat, I could be a studying partying machine. I don't know how to turn back now, eating full meals makes me nauseous most of the time. Now it's all conscious calorie counting, which I feel is better actually cause I'm paying attention to getting healthy foods when I do eat and I'm not drinking. Also managed to cut out dairy, added sugar, meat, and bread. I try to take care of my body now though. I eat lots of greens, sleep 8 hours, and quit alcohol and smoking.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to know if anyone could relate.

[Help] Need help preparing for fast
Created: Thu Jun 15 08:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hf7ue/need_help_preparing_for_fast/

[Help] I want my friend to get help...
Created: Thu Jun 15 07:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hf1ji/i_want_my_friend_to_get_help/
Okay, so.

I have messed up eating habits, but my friend (actually my relative, but I don't want to give away too much info) has legit bulimia and anorexia. She's 5'3" and weighs about 95 lbs. She's over 30 and I don't think she's going to live to see 40. She doesn't eat during the day and takes tons of adderall so she can spend all her calories on beer at night, which makes her upset because she has a little tummy I'm assuming because of all the beer. So then she takes that as proof that she's fat and shouldn't eat.

I have watched her shrink and waste away my whole life and I want so badly to help her. She's so smart, but because she doesn't eat she's stuck in menial labor jobs because she can't focus. Her hair and teeth are falling out, her skin is yellow and diseased and she's in a horrible self-destructive relationship with an alcoholic who apparently doesn't give a fuck that she's literally dying. She is freezing all the time and so tired and I've seen her faint on more than one occasion.

I want her to get help so bad. Even just talking to a therapist. But I've brought it up before and she just gets so angry. I've seen her cut people and relationships out of her life for bringing up her eating habits or asking her to stop purging. I love her so much and I can't stand to lose her as a friend but I can't watch her die. I even spoke to her mom about it but she's just as helpless as we are.

I know if I tried an intervention or anything she would cut us all out without hesitation. I don't know what else to do. I love her so much. She's my best friend. I can't stand this. I restrict calories and hate my fat ass body so it makes me a hypocrite I guess. And I'm sure lots of people here would want me to just leave her alone. But I can't stand knowing that she's going to die in the next ten years if shit doesn't change.

I feel like my hands are tied. I want to be a supportive friend and I know she won't get better unless she really wants to, but I can't stand this anymore.

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend feels like I'm blaming him for my mood
/u/WorstCunt [donkey brain]
Created: Thu Jun 15 07:25:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hezc6/my_boyfriend_feels_like_im_blaming_him_for_my_mood/
But I'm so not.

He's said something a couple times that in his head meant one thing but mine took it a totally different way. I'm trying to explain to him not to say it again and that it's not his fault, I don't blame him etc but he is obviously kinda mad at me since he sees it as me blaming him for my low mood today.

I'm trying so hard to be diplomatic about this but it seems like I'm doing everything wrong. How do I explain it?!

[Rant/Rave] Too old for this shit and tired of being tired.
Created: Thu Jun 15 07:03:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hev4m/too_old_for_this_shit_and_tired_of_being_tired/
So i have had eating issues since i was like 12. Things got bad when I was 16ish but somehow I dug myself out of the rut.
I am 20 years old now and, although I struggled emotionally, I thought I made it. Until last month or so. Things got stressful and before I knew it, I was back to crying during meals and counting the calories in gum. Just like when I was a kid. I have lost about 20 lbs in the past month. This thrills me but it also kills me; I cant perform at my job because I refuse to nourish myself.
I though I was better. I thought that grownups don't pull this kind of shit. Guess I was wrong.

[Discussion] 2nd therapist appointment if anyone's interested :)
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6herh1/2nd_therapist_appointment_if_anyones_interested/
Sooo it went really well. I told her about how I took a photo of myself and didn't understand how it's possible that it didn't look like me. I think the reason she's so easy to talk to is because I used to go to her in high school so she's not a complete stranger.
I had a freak out moment.. she said "I appreciate you being real with me and I want to be real with you. I have a number in my head and if you get to that number I'm going to recommend you to someone else."
I guess I looked scared because she said "What are you thinking?" And I said "Do you mean like a treatment center, or..?" She said no, it would be IOP. The most important thing I could think to ask was "And they'll make me gain weight?" I started crying and getting all panicky and it was super embarrassing. "I can't get bigger, I can't gain weight." She had to talk me down before I had a full blown panic attack. Sooo there's that.
I know I'm far away from that point, but the thought of treatment makes my throat close up and my heart race.
If you read this, thanks. I appreciate any and all responses. :)

[Discussion] Anyone else throw up bile on an empty stomach?
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:41:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6her7e/anyone_else_throw_up_bile_on_an_empty_stomach/

Sometimes I can prevent it if I eat a cracker or something before I realize I'm nauseous though

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 15, 2017
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6helv4/weekly_emotional_support_june_15_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 15, 2017
Created: Thu Jun 15 06:10:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6helt2/daily_food_diary_june_15_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 15, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] ED/crash diet TV series and/or episodes?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 04:14:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6he4ed/edcrash_diet_tv_series_andor_episodes/
We all know about terrible made for TV movies about EDs that air on lifetime (I think I've seen all of them at least twice) but what about TV series where a character has an eating disorder or struggles with dieting? The only thing that sticks out in my mind is Make It Or Break It and that one episode of Full House where DJ is anorexic for like 3 days. I don't watch much TV....

[Goal] No more alcohol for three weeks
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Thu Jun 15 04:10:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6he3ry/no_more_alcohol_for_three_weeks/
Stop drinking alcohol. Cut carbs and cut sodium. Just stop it. There's no need for it. The pain of having a wildly fluctuating number on the scale is *NOT* worth it.

The past week I've had just bread, beer and McDonalds (I've been on a budget holiday so been trying to save money, which went well). Before I even went on holiday, I was at my LW ever, I was fitting into the smallest clothes size in the stores and feeling a million dollars. I've still been at a 1500kcal deficit prob every day (walked 30,000 most days) and I've lost 1.5 inches off my waist in 7 days, I actually have a full uninterrupted thigh gap and even a 'knee gap' now (lol) so I KNOW I'VE LOST WEIGHT, yet because of what I've been eating the scales are UP from when I left which is absolutely factually impossible. I reckon I'm 4 lbs up on the scale from what I 'actually am' but that doesn't even make sense. It doesn't make sense to say I am a lower weight than what it says on the scales. I'm the weight I am. I'm just contradicting myself now. I should be that weight, whether I have an alcohol bloat or not. But I'm not. FFSSS

And when I look in the mirror it's like an acid trip. I can actually see my body distort outwards and contract again. One minute I have a flat stomach, the next I'm obese. I can't trust my own goddamn eyes, so all I can trust is the numbers on the scale, and even those are WRONG.

God this hurts my head. In three weeks time I see a bunch of friends and will definitely be drinking and want to enjoy myself, but unless I'm the weight I expect myself to be, I don't deserve to have a good time.

No alcohol. No salt. No carbs. There's no goddamn need. Stop making your headspace worse than it is.

[Rant/Rave] Hhhhhhelp I can't stop purging fuck my whole life
Created: Thu Jun 15 03:51:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6he19g/hhhhhhelp_i_cant_stop_purging_fuck_my_whole_life/

[Rant/Rave] I'm starting to realize that maybe ~I'm not being entirely reasonable~ about my diet
Created: Thu Jun 15 02:56:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdu6n/im_starting_to_realize_that_maybe_im_not_being/

[Discussion] how differently were you treated at your HW vs. your LW?
/u/noneed2try [173cm | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 02:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdo4i/how_differently_were_you_treated_at_your_hw_vs/
i always like reading people's comments on this topic!

i've recently gotten to my lowest weight ever and it's like the world is an entirely different place to when i was at my HW. it's whack.

[Help] Questions about EC Stacking
/u/annan4 [5'5" | CW 154.5 | 26.01 | -15.9 | 18F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 02:00:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdna4/questions_about_ec_stacking/
I've never done it before and I have some questions.
1. Should I buy primatene or bronkaid?/ What's the difference?
2. How much caffeine should I take?
3. What type of schedule do I take them?/ For how long?
4. Can I/ Should I exercise while EC stacking?
Thanks for any advice you can give.

[Rant/Rave] A Girl Who Defies Nature
Created: Thu Jun 15 00:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdeyr/a_girl_who_defies_nature/

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is so annoying
Created: Thu Jun 15 00:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hde4q/my_boyfriend_is_so_annoying/
Sorry for the rant!

I told my boyfriend i dont wanna eat much anymore, close to starve myself like I use to, and he was all cool with it; which is what I want. And when we're all with friends, he rags on me for not eating in front of them and tells me to eat, which prompts them to tell me to eat.

Does anyone else have this problem??? I dunno im just really mad rn. Sorry for no flair, on mobile. Will flair asap

[Discussion] How the heck did I used to do this? [Discussion]
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 193lb | 23.9 | -57lb | F]
Created: Thu Jun 15 00:28:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hdbbr/how_the_heck_did_i_used_to_do_this_discussion/
Today I ate 1800 calories. Shoot, I know that's a lot, and I know that I'll make up for it by restricting harsher later. But gosh darn, how did I used to eat this amount (hell, even more, like 2100+) every single day? Maybe it's just because I've been eating veggies more and less processed foods, but I'm bloated and gross just from 1800! Im literally so full that I feel kinda sick, which is weird for me.
Anyone have a similar feeling once they ate "normally"? I usually stick to 1000-1300 per day, so I guess it's not a huge leap, but it sure feels like it!

[Help] New forced diet, new excuse.
Created: Wed Jun 14 23:25:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hd2ci/new_forced_diet_new_excuse/

[Discussion] Books about ED?
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 113 | 19.4 | -2| Woman]
Created: Wed Jun 14 23:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcz28/books_about_ed/
So I've already read Wasted, Unbearable Lightness, and Wintergirls, and found a whole list on tumblr which I will link below with !!MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!! bc it links to a thinspo blog. If anyone has read any of the books on the list or wants to suggest another please comment. I'm looking for one that is, while also potentially triggering, is realistic especially realistic. Any that take place in inpatient would be great also.

LINK TO TUMBLR TW TW TWhttps://theaternoteater.tumblr.com/post/161030648720/eating-disorder-books-masterlist

[Rant/Rave] I just threw up from bingeing
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:54:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcxj9/i_just_threw_up_from_bingeing/
(I don't purge btw, I just ate too much)

I've been bingeing since last friday. I knew this was gonna happen eventually. My stomach couldn't take it anymore, and I guess today was the breaking point. I felt like I was about to explode anytime now. It even came out of my nose wtf.

I feel so disgusted. I've always been afraid of throwing up, and did everything I could to avoid having it happen to me. In fact, the last time I threw up was when I was 9, after getting sick during karate class. I remember it so well because it was one of the worst days of my life tbh.

I know people around me always laugh and stuff after a big dinner, like "damn, I truly ate like a pig didnt i hahahahaha" but right now, it's not funny. This is sick. This is not normal. Who the fuck eats the whole kitchen 5 days in a row to the point where they feel they're gonna die, regret it, and then do it again the fucking next day.

This is the last straw. I hope what happened today will be what breaks this bingeing strike I've been on. Food disgusts me. I don't know why I want it so much.

Time to fast for a week i guess lol

[Rant/Rave] Did So Well Today! [Rave]
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 101.8 | 16 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:39:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcv4p/did_so_well_today_rave/
So I work as a server at a member's only restaurant. We're basically a retreat/resort that caters to the 1% and the food reflects that. To give you an idea, I served Giuliana Rancic last week and tonight Adam Levine is dining with us. The problem for me is being around so much rich, fatty food all the time! The kitchen staff is awesome, and they always give us tons of extra food throughout the day besides our employee meals (think meat, potatoes fried in some fashion, and sad salad). I do my best and keep using my vegetarianism/vegan leanings as an excuse to refuse a lot of dishes, but sometimes the temptation is reaaal on a 12 hr shift. But today... I put my foot down. Brought my own smoothie (frozen fruit + rice milk etc), skipped the employee meal, and had a 25cal pack of seaweed instead. And throughout the day, I drank no soda (just sparkling water & lemon), had a half cup of soup and a small side fruit bowl. And I'm so fucking proud of myself! Ever since I reached my LW (haven't updated my flair in a while, oops) I've been in a nasty b/p cycle and I'm really trying to get back into better restriction as it helps prevent those binges. I just feel like I'm on the right track, I lost almost 4 pounds in the week, and I'm gonna ride this high til it dies out in a massive breakdown ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

[Other] i have a soda stream ama
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:33:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcu9i/i_have_a_soda_stream_ama/

[Humor] My plate speaks the truth
Created: Wed Jun 14 22:03:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcpc0/my_plate_speaks_the_truth/

[Rant/Rave] Irrationally upset but just need to vent
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Wed Jun 14 21:31:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hck61/irrationally_upset_but_just_need_to_vent/
So my boyfriend asked me how many servings of rice were in a container in the fridge and I told him 2. Then he felt the need to check the back of the bag of rice TWICE, ask me 3 more times if I was sure, then ask how many servings should be missing from the bag.

I finally told him to fucking trust me because I measure my food more meticulously than he does and he has the nerve to give me a doubtful look which I sarcastically thanked him for, and then say "I don't think that's true".

Fuck you. I know I'm fat. I also know I've lost 35 pounds in 3 months and you're not fucking worried. I also know I've eaten under 750 for the last 2 weeks and you haven't fucking noticed, or you don't fucking care. I can't figure out which.

I hate this big fat body and that nobody, even the people I've told everything to, can believe I'm sick. I just want to cut myself out of this prison. I don't want a body anymore. Nobody believes me. Nobody thinks I'm sick. Nobody is even concerned. So fuck this shit. Fuck it all.

[Discussion] People that have had EDs since being a teen, what do you put for your LW?
Created: Wed Jun 14 21:06:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcfup/people_that_have_had_eds_since_being_a_teen_what/
I've had disordered eating since I was 11, and I'm still probably not fully developed (late bloomer :/). I'm pretty sure I'm still getting taller, so what do I put for my LW? I'd say 98 because that was when I was 5'2 at 11 and first developed an ED, but I'm 4" taller now

[Goal] 11 days. I will not binge
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:59:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcel3/11_days_i_will_not_binge/
For the next 11 days, I am STRICTLY going to have 800 a day or less. Then I'll go visit my sister and probably be forced into eating a bunch of shit. And I promised to bring back Kvik Lunsj for my friends and I will NOT eat any of that shit.

I want to be skinny by the time school starts

[Rant/Rave] "You're maintaining your weight *pretty* well"
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:58:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcefh/youre_maintaining_your_weight_pretty_well/
Backstory: Always been a chubby kid, lost 50 lbs through ED (what my fam thinks was a "diet") and now am maintaining my weight (even though I def need to lose). I was around 95 during my initial weightloss, 3 years ago. Then went through "recover" last year. Now I'm stuck around 115 and hating myself for it.

ANYWAY, visiting fam in boston I haven't seen in a while and my aunt who diets a lot was complimenting me saying I've maintained my weight loss pretty well. Even though she didn't emphasize "pretty" all I could hear was that qualifying word telling me I've gained weight. I know it was a compliment but it made me hate myself even more.

[Rant/Rave] You know you're fucked up when you use one of the 7 year olds you teach as thinspo
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:53:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcdnz/you_know_youre_fucked_up_when_you_use_one_of_the/

[Discussion] How bad do your binges get?
/u/boldheart [5'5.5" | CW 202.2 lbs | 33.58 | -39.8 lbs | FtM]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:41:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hcblt/how_bad_do_your_binges_get/
I've always felt like an outlier for my "worst super power ever" ability to eat ridiculous amounts of calories in a single day. Like body builder levels... Just curious what your binges are like? Anyone this bad? :c

(Can't flair, am mobile trash.)

[Discussion] Eugenia Cooney thoughts?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 130lbs | 21.07 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:23:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hc8a3/eugenia_cooney_thoughts/
Just wondered if anyone else watches her videos/follows her on insta/knows who she is.

I know she gets a lot of hate, but I just don't think they understand. I wish I knew what her height and weight were!!!

[Other] I bought some goodies today :)
Created: Wed Jun 14 20:07:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hc5k4/i_bought_some_goodies_today/

[Discussion] DAE get jealous/triggered by irrational things?
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Wed Jun 14 19:48:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hc24c/dae_get_jealoustriggered_by_irrational_things/
I was out shopping with my kids in a department store and literally felt insecure because we passed by the skinny mannequins in the women's section. The freaking mannequins! ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

[Rant/Rave] 10 months ago I was 10 lbs lighter.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 19:10:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hbv09/10_months_ago_i_was_10_lbs_lighter/
I took a look at my weight logs from last year. I got down to 122. That is *5 lbs away* from my lw. Yesterday I was 132. Granted, I've lost ~5 lbs this year, but still... 122 seems so far away. It will take me at least a year to get back there at my current rate. I wish I could still restrict below 1500 anymore. Ugh. Idk. Sorry for the shitpost. I just have been having a really rough time this week.

[Rant/Rave] My friends decided to go to Lemonberry tonight (frozen yogurt)
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'11" | CW 155 | GW 145 | -10 | F | vegetarian]
Created: Wed Jun 14 19:06:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hbucy/my_friends_decided_to_go_to_lemonberry_tonight/
And I ate 440 calories of frozen yogurt. Sigh. I'm 440 calories over my daily goal of 1100 :(

[Rant/Rave] Broke my fast and binged and no I still feel like shit...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 17:46:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hbesj/broke_my_fast_and_binged_and_no_i_still_feel_like/
On mobile flair as rant/rave.

I was out today and had made it 8 full days without food and then this afternoon or binged on 3300 calories of stuff. I feel like I'm going to gain a ton of weight even though theoretically I would only gain a pound right?

Right!?!? One pound equals 3500 calories and I've had a deficit of more than that total the past 8 days. Maybe I will put on food weight but my body hopefully won't hoard it. If I fast for the rest of tomorrow I can negate it right?

Next time I think I will try easing back into food and eating. Right now I am in physical pain and my stomach hurts so much. This is what I get. I also took a bunch of laxatives so I might not be doing so great in a few hours. I'd purge if people weren't home.

I feel like shit.

8 days off and one really bad day that hopefully doesn't undo 8 days of progress...


[Rant/Rave] Got called tiny at my therapist appt today
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 17:04:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb66v/got_called_tiny_at_my_therapist_appt_today/
I got there a few minutes early, so I was just hanging out by the counter. This sweet older lady and my therapist come out, my therapist looks around and says "did my next appointment come in?" I went "Yeah, I'm over here" and the lady goes "oh! I didn't even see you! She's so tiny she was hiding behind the counter!" I'm not sure how to feel. I should be happy I guess, but I just feel like she's delusional. :-/

[Thinspo] Anna Sentina's arms
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:58:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb4td/anna_sentinas_arms/

[Rant/Rave] [rant] my ED has made me disgustingly jealous AKA I hate relationships
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:47:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb2c9/rant_my_ed_has_made_me_disgustingly_jealous_aka_i/

[Discussion] EC Stack Long-Term Efficacy
/u/Neatsfoot [5'8" ๐Ÿ]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:46:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb2bk/ec_stack_longterm_efficacy/
Have any of you been EC stackin' long-term (>6 months)?

I'm curious if you've noticed any changes in its efficacy or negative side effects. I've found some vague forum responses on the issue, but nothing concrete.


[Other] A typical meal only my fellow ED folks would understand.
/u/OortLimit [5'0|CW:90|BMI:17.58|GW:82|22F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:43:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hb1mb/a_typical_meal_only_my_fellow_ed_folks_would/

[Discussion] DAE *reasonably* feel like they could stop anytime they wanted to?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 16:26:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haxur/dae_reasonably_feel_like_they_could_stop_anytime/
I feel like my mind is very disordered, and it's clear that the way I lose weight (and how underweight I want to be) is extreme. I understand that. But I still feel like I'm choosing to restrict every day. I feel like I could stop, I *could* eat normal amounts of food if I wanted to, I just don't want to and I don't think I'll ever be in a place mentally where I'd be okay with being at a normal weight.

But in spite of all that I still feel like I have control over it. I know that's such a clichรฉ, "She had control over her ED until it took control of her!!!" but I feel like I'm not in that extreme no-turning-back stage yet. I'm not sure if I ever will be. I know my brain is disordered but I feel like I'm opting in to an ED, because honestly, acting on my disordered feelings about food takes a lot of effort and it's something I actively and constantly make the choice to do.

[Other] Life stood still for a minute
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:48:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hapya/life_stood_still_for_a_minute/
I was in my orientation classes for nursing and I had a grand mal seizure. My classmates were amazing nurses and helped, my boyfriend has been amazing, my family understanding, my manager so so generous and the ED staff wonderful.

But yeah first ever seizure today. A grand mal at that.

[Discussion] DAE delay eating until as late in the day as possible to prevent a binge?
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 136| GW: Kate Middleton| F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haohe/dae_delay_eating_until_as_late_in_the_day_as/
Lately I've been noticing that I'll have my lil 166 cal breakfast (sliced tomatoes with a teensy bit of chive light cream cheese on toast) and then I'll wait as long as possible to have dinner so that I can keep that big 'calories remaining' green number in MFP...I'm afraid that if I eat lunch/dinner at a normal time, by evening I'll want to snack and wont have the self-control not to. Plus I like ending the day with calories left-over, in case I'm faced with junk food/alcohol/ice cream over the weekend and dont have as much self-control.

So my meal timing looks like:

Wake up 6:30

Meal 1: sometime between 12 and 1:30pm

delay eating anything else until like 8:30, take a long time to cook my meal, eat at 9/9:30

bed by 10.

[Humor] A guide to diet sodas
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:41:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haofg/a_guide_to_diet_sodas/

[Help] question
Created: Wed Jun 14 15:25:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6hakvs/question/

[Intro] It's hilarious that I ever thought I'd be free
Created: Wed Jun 14 14:40:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6haadn/its_hilarious_that_i_ever_thought_id_be_free/
I've had a couple of accounts on here over the last few months. I relapsed last summer after a few years of pretty real recovery. Anyways, I tried to get back into recovery but of course it all came crashing down.

People have been making the "you look healthy" comments lately and I'm so fucking done. I stepped on the scale today and I'm 10 pounds up from my relapse weight. I want to fucking die.

Anyways, here's to black tea and self-hatred.

[Rant/Rave] Quit. Buying. Me. Food.
Created: Wed Jun 14 14:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ha5iw/quit_buying_me_food/

[Humor] Thought you guys might laugh at my groceries.
Created: Wed Jun 14 14:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ha3dj/thought_you_guys_might_laugh_at_my_groceries/

[Rant/Rave] I am on a dangerous path and I hope I can still turn back..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 13:46:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9xtl/i_am_on_a_dangerous_path_and_i_hope_i_can_still/
On mobile so flair as rant/rave or help.

So I want to preface by saying I don't believe I am a bad person. I think I am sick and that I act carelessly as a symptom of my sickless.

I am diagnosed bipolar type 2, I have PTSF, generalized anxiety and pretty much the tryfecta of eating disorders: I restrict, binge and purge sometimes for days at a time but am primary been diagnosed with bulimia and BED because my bmi has never been low enough to be anorexic only at typical anorexia.

So that is about me. Some character traits of bipolar are a lack of impulse control. I think that being depressed and anxious really feels into my disordered eating tendencies. I need control because I don't feel in control.

In highschool I struggled with substances and for about a 6 month stint I took up shoplifting as a hobby. I did have a job and got an allowance from my parents to pay for lunches I never ate but stealing appealed to me on a rebellious level and a thrill seeking level. I never stole because I needed anything. I stole because I wanted to see if I could.

I had a partner in crime and we used to take things from the Kroger grocery store across the street from school. During a lunch time rush with a lot of kids coming in and out with backpacks it was easy to slip things into our pockets. It was usually small stuff we didn't think they'd notice, sandwiches from the deli, energy drinks, sodas, candy bars, whatever we could nap in a couple minutes, occasionally fruit. What it was doesn't matter, a couple times beer.

So this went on for months and we thought they were none the wiser until a time we tried to pull off a hit in the morning which has never happened before usually it was during lunch or after school when it was slow or busy.

So we try a hit in the morning and something doesn't feel right. It was a sting they had planned for weeks after noticing us both. My friend escaped and I was caught by a manager and held in a back office until cops came.

I spent that afternoon or a few hours in holding at the local police precinct. I was able to get the charge off my record later because I was only 16 at the time. I said I'd never steal again.

Flash back to the present day and this week I have been aggressively fasting and also found myself taking bigger risks because I already don't care about my health.

A couple days ago I managed a couple energy drinks from a safeway. I bought some stuff to divert attention at the u scan but concealed before I got to the u scan. On a different day I was at a Savers (a thrift store for fucks sake! This sounds bad) and I picked several books, some small jewelry, and little stuff. Probably 20 to 30 bucks in jewelry at least what they were charging.

Today is my day off and I usually go thrifting and so I have been to a couple good wills and a few Savers and lifted little things from each one. I was beside myself thinking I could get away with it.

I have a good reputation with most the managers and employees because I used to work at Savers and goodwill a couple years ago and I'm a weekly or biweekly regular. I have actually pointed out people I suspect of stealing to help out my friends.

Because of this I am not an obvious suspect. I am caught up in the thrill of steal but also heavy with guilt because I know it's wrong. I need to stop this because I get caught and charged as an adult. A criminal record could ruin my life and I don't want to go to jail even though I know steal or small time theft is misdemeanor.

I feel like my ED and being bipolar turns me into an awful person. I feel like businesses make hefty profits as is that I'm somehow sticking it to them by stealing but I know it's wrong and out of my character.

Sorry this may have been off topic of ED but I feel like it's exacerbated by my ED all the stress I put myself and my feeling put of control makes me want to seek more control. Also I don't feel like I can't eat today after being an awful person.

I feel sick to my stomach and my stomach is in a lot of pain. It's been nearly constant for days now but I haven't eaten in 8 days...

Thank to anyone who read this rant.


[Humor] Someone suggested an ED-grocery-haul weekly thread. Here's my shame haul; everything was on sale!
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 13:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9uzh/someone_suggested_an_edgroceryhaul_weekly_thread/

[Discussion] Anyone else here never ever been called pretty or handsome?
Created: Wed Jun 14 13:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9qvp/anyone_else_here_never_ever_been_called_pretty_or/

[Discussion] DAE have a personal definition of obesity?
/u/antkings [20.1 | plant boy]
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:53:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9l85/dae_have_a_personal_definition_of_obesity/
My body weight has been fluctuating for twoโ€‹ years now between 109-130. I've sort of determined my own "obesity scale" based on how my body looks. 100-115 is "healthy weight", 115-125 is "overweight" and 125-130 is "obese". I'm just now leaving the obese category and I'm so thankful. Does anyone else have their own body standards like this?

edit: I only use this for myself!!!! I love everyone else and generally don't think about how much they weigh unless they look unhealthy or are my goals

[Rant/Rave] Itโ€™s funny how a seemingly benign remark can motivate you.
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:49:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9k4k/its_funny_how_a_seemingly_benign_remark_can/

[Rant/Rave] So I had the flu...
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:46:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9jgi/so_i_had_the_flu/

[Rant/Rave] sssstressss
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 105.0 | 19.20 | -30 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 12:40:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h9hv4/sssstressss/
can we talk about how I'm moving to the Netherlands in 28 days and I am not prepared and I find out if I got into my masters program next week and I find out if I got a job at a school in the Netherlands next week too and I've gained two pounds I'm ONLY FREAKING OUT A LITTLE.

Also, no friends in europe, hmu if you live over there

[Discussion] Low restrictors: how do you keep from fainting?
/u/welpthatreallysucks [โ™€ 5'4" | โš– 205 | -31lbs| ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ]
Created: Wed Jun 14 11:57:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h97ig/low_restrictors_how_do_you_keep_from_fainting/

[Discussion] Anyone been in saline drip?
/u/MariaCaterina [5'5" | GW: 111lbs | -20lbs | 20F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 11:21:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8ywz/anyone_been_in_saline_drip/
I had an IV placed today because I had to do a bunch of blood draws and decided it was better than getting stuck eight times. I never even considered until RN was actually placing the bag that I would be on a saline drip all day when they weren't drawing blood. (I guess if they don't have something being pumped in or out, the vein collapses? Or something? At the best of times my understanding of medicine is sketchy and I woke up at 4:30 today to get to the hospital in time for my appt, so RN's explanation went over my head.) This should rehydrate me (I am a chronic B/Per, and thus chronically dehydrated), right? I am kind of glad but afraid that there will be bloat or something. If you have been placed on a saline drip, or if you know anything about side effects, please lmk what to expect.

(On mobile, stuck i. a chair, with one arm tied to a pole. Will flair asap.)

[Help] My appetite is insatiable in the days before my period.
Created: Wed Jun 14 10:46:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8qaz/my_appetite_is_insatiable_in_the_days_before_my/

[Rant/Rave] Can I rant to you guys? (Not really ED related)
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 10:21:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8kg4/can_i_rant_to_you_guys_not_really_ed_related/
Hey guys. I've posted here a handful of times, but I've never formally introduced myself. So here is a bit of an intro/rant session. Most of this has nothing to do with ED, so I hope this is ok. I really don't know who else to go to.

Short intro (including ED)- growing up I have always struggled with severe depression. I self harmed for about four years in middle/high school, until I made a promise to myself and other people never to self harm again. In sophomore year I started fasting and restricting, and lost 40 pounds only to gain it back the next year with BED. I "recovered" shortly after, which means that I ate whatever and didn't even think about it, which lead me to my HW. I have now gone back to restricting and fasting, and I now weigh what I did at 15.

Now for the rant (this is going to be long, sorry)- I got married at 18 to a guy I met online, and I moved across the country to live with him and his family. There were 8 of us in one house. Two alcoholics, two drug addicts, two kids, and my husband and I. It's been a mess, but I've been here 3 and a half years and have never caused any kind of drama or problems.

This is the dynamic of the house: people get angry, curse each other out and call every name in the book, throw things at each other, threaten each other with guns, and then go to bed. In the morning, everyone is sober and it's never talked about again. I don't work that way.

Last year, my mother in law invited her brother to move in with us, knowing that he is an abusive drunk who has been to jail multiple times for abuse. When he gets drunk, he says and does stupid things that make us all uncomfortable. I have, for some reason, become a target for him. He has insulted me, cursed at me, burned me with firecrackers he threw at me, and two nights ago insulted my family.

I talked with MIL about this, hoping that she would be able to control him, or at least push him to move out. She just swept it under the rug, calling me foolish for listening to him because "that's just how he gets." She said that there's no use arguing with a drunk person, and I should just not listen to him. That's really hard for me to do when he gets my attention only to bully me. I feel stranded and alone in my own home.

Yesterday I did the only thing I really know to do when I feel alone, and I ranted on Facebook to my family about how I was feeling, and how I'm sick of my feelings being invalidated. MIL saw this and went on a commenting spree calling me immature and telling me that I don't know what abuse is. She then screamed at me in person for making her look bad. But I never named names. She chose to comment and identify herself, making herself look worse than I ever did.

I made the mistake of telling her, in tears, that for the first time in almost six years I feel like self harming again, and I'm scared that I will. She rolled her eyes and used it against me, calling me a fool yet again.

Every time she has cried in the last three and a half years since I moved in, I have been there to dry the tears. I have sat with her for hours holding her and comforting her. Never have I once told her that she's a fool for feeling hurt. I cannot believe that she would turn around and treat me this way when I'm the one crying now.

I feel so alone, you guys. I don't know what to do. On one hand, I know she isn't worth the scars that self harm will leave on me. But on the other hand, that's the only thing that used to dry my tears when I felt like this. I blocked her on Facebook, but now all of her friends are ganging up on me, cursing me out and telling me to take down my rant. But I feel since she is fine with all kinds of things being said to me, I should be able to say my piece as well. I never said anything that wasn't true, and she is upset because my family from back home is defending me and not her.

I have this crushing feeling in my heart and stomach that I can only describe as depression. Was this all my fault? Should I have kept quiet? Should I give in to my intense desire to self harm, just so it can numb me enough to get some sleep? I don't know.

I guess the only good thing to come from this is I was too upset to eat all day yesterday and ended up fasting for almost 40 hours. I also took a two and a half mile walk to escape the house for a while.

I'm sorry if this is a bunch of word vomit. I'm just so lost. Thank you to everyone who reads this. You guys are the support system I really need right now.

[Rant/Rave] I think I finally stopped gaining...
/u/lua_89 [5'5" | moo]
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:55:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8e7o/i_think_i_finally_stopped_gaining/
I've been too ashamed to post here. I've been stuck in this binge cycle for over a year. I'm at my highest weight ever - 154 lbs - and I barely even recognise my body. That's the first time I've even typed my weight out or mentioned it to anyone. I'm desperate enough that I decreased my dose of anxiety medication... I'm anxious 24/7 now but over the last two weeks my weight has been stable. It's not much of a victory but seeing as I've gained 40 pounds in the last year I guess I'll take it.

I see my psychiatrist Friday and she's offered to refer me to an eating disorder program, but I don't think I'm ready. I just don't know anymore. I feel like somebody else.

[Help] I need help, please
/u/TemporaryAccount_101 [5'3'' | AHAHAH | -5.5kgs | 18F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:52:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8dh4/i_need_help_please/
I never asked for help with my ED all my life.

But I've come to a point in my life where even though I'm self-destroying myself, I can't stop.

I used to have anorexia, and now spiraled into BED with no purging.

I gained everything back and more, and I hate it, but I can't seem to stop.

I was able to lose weight during school times because I had things to do, and now, until I go back home in 11 days, I have nothing to do but eat.

Today is already ruined, but, how can I get to go back to somewhat normal eating patterns?

Idk how to do it, I?m going crazy, my mom is gonna fatshame me, and my friends are gonna go back calling me 'whale'

I can't stop, but I need to, I CRAVE going back to how I was, but my body won't follow my heart.

I need help, please.

**edit, forgot how to put tags**

[Intro] I sabotage myself and i don't know how to stop it
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:45:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8bq2/i_sabotage_myself_and_i_dont_know_how_to_stop_it/
I'm super obese (5'6" and 200 lbs) but I post here anyway cause I restrict/binge/restrict and have a super unhealthy relationship with food and stuff. And nobody's been unwelcoming and y'all are awesome. Anyway.

I'veโ€‹ been around the 200-210 mark for over ten years now. I restrict down to 198 or something, aka restrict for a few days, and then it's like something snaps and I just binge until I'm back up to 202 or 205. And then I hate myself and I'm fucking disgusting so I restrict back to under 200 and then I'm back again doing the same fucking thing.

I don't know how to stop. I'm guessing it dates back to some teenage sexual abuse (since that seems to be the caseโ€‹ for at least half of all eating disorders) because if I'm fat then men don't pay attention to me. Maybe? IDK I need therapy probably.

I think I'm going to start tracking with a journal and put the scale away for a while. I don't know what else to do. I'mโ€‹just tired of not having control over what I'm doing. I can set goals all I want but ten years of never reaching them is getting old. Very old. I'm so tired.

Thank you for reading

[Rant/Rave] Feeling heavy today. No pun intended.
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:44:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8bfe/feeling_heavy_today_no_pun_intended/
Some days (today) my mental health gets the best of me in this neverending game. I'm experiencing some significant stress in my personal life right now between my 55 hour work weeks and my relationship falling apart AND my recovery. I am in recovery from drug addiction as well as my ed. Though I wouldn't say I'm doing jack shit to recover from my eating d/o. I digress. Anyway, I used to be able to manage the insanity of my obsessive and compulsive thoughts surrounding food when everything else was holding together. Lately I am coming unglued in all of the ways. I can't help but get this heavy heart when I think about the fact that I'll likely never recover from this. I don't mean to sound morbid and I hope I'm not manifesting my destiny in that regard, but that is how it feels. I'm fifteen years deep on this struggle and so far, although I've had periods of marked improvement, the OBSESSION never goes away. It feels hopeless at times. I hate that I think about nothing else and I'm always looking at my reflection and I can't look at an almond or a slice of pizza without mentally calculating the calories, fat content, and carbs. I have been driving myself crazy for a long time. I know that many people here are not trying to get better and truth be told I am not either because I can't fathom the weight gain that it implies...but does anybody else have these thoughts? Do you feel trapped? Do you feel like you will never get better? I need reassurance that somebody else is where I am and maybe that it's possible to truly recover...

Feeling so down today. I apologize for the darkness.

[Discussion] Antidepressants
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 78 lbs | 14.89 | -24ish | f]
Created: Wed Jun 14 09:39:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h8ac8/antidepressants/
Hello lovelies... i went to the doctor yesterday to have my bloods/mental health handled and i walked away with a prescription for generic Lexapro. I'm gonna start it tonight (after i'm done purging for the day).

Anybody else on mess wanna share a little what it's like? And specifically how it plays with an ED?

[Rant/Rave] fucking love working with kids [rant]
/u/goddamnroommate [5'6" | CW 155 | 25.12 | GW 128 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 08:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7yoy/fucking_love_working_with_kids_rant/
I have a weird shape, especially here in Korea. I am extreme pear. Like normal looking torso and obese looking legs/hips. I don't really find it all attractive, but it's a type, so at least ive got that going for me.

Anyway, the kids love talking about how fat my legs are. And how they are too big. and i know they're kids. but holy shit. holy shit guys this is killing my soul. it's at least every other day. it's been two months

[Rant/Rave] Tfw everyone brings in food at school
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 08:44:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7xlg/tfw_everyone_brings_in_food_at_school/

[Rant/Rave] People commenting on how much food I eat/don't eat...triggering my disorder?
Created: Wed Jun 14 08:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7qn2/people_commenting_on_how_much_food_i_eatdont/
I have binge eating disorder, but have lost tons of weight due to a medication I am taking for SH. I still binge every now and then, but not as often as I used to.

Anyways. I've noticed a lot of people comment on how much food I eat when I am out eating with them. I think it's rude and it makes me self conscious! My one close friend knows about my ED and we were at a restaurant and I was eating a tomato omelette with cheese. I finished the whole thing. He then said "Looks like there will be no leftovers today." Ahhh, FUCKING TRIGGERED! I kept my cool though and didn't talk about it..I know I should have. This person doesn't mean any harm to me and will be really upset if he knows he did hurt me.

It sucks because we go to this restaurant every Sunday and to me, breakfast is the only meal I feel like I'm not binge eating. But lately, I have been leaving a little bit of all food left so he can't say anything...even if I am still hungry. It shouldn't be like that. =[

But I am finding that more and more people do this to me and each other. It's fucked up. Who cares how much others eat or how much they don't eat?! Mind your own fucking business and concentrate on your own food! Rant over.

[Discussion] Psyllium husk caplets?
Created: Wed Jun 14 07:53:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h7mjb/psyllium_husk_caplets/

[Rant/Rave] Dear proED.
/u/to_bleedis_tolive [67in. | CW: 160/24.97 | GW1: 144; UGW: 121| -31 | 24F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 06:30:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h76c3/dear_proed/
I have been sincerely struggling lately. I'm back in school and the anxiety is as high as it was when I was hospitalized for suicide attempt in 2015. I gained 10 pounds. I'm making B's in my classes (which might seem okay but is beyond unacceptable for me.)

At least I'm not suicidal?

This is my testament to everyone else who is struggling: one. Second. At. A. Time. Seriously. For me, the whole "one day/hour at a time" is far too overwhelming for me.

I'm struggling in fucking college algebra. Like I'm supposed to be brilliant, I'm in the honors program, high-ish gpa, graduate school bound.

Eating 2500-3000 calories a day. I've been SH free for a little over 5 months, but I'm so close to relapsing it's almost a joke. Showering is hard for me, my room is disgusting, I'm lying to my work about shit because I'm too stressed to come to work. I'm working 50 hours a week and taking 4 summer classes and I SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS.

I'm 24. I should have had my BS years ago, but I'm still working a job I hate, and I can't even do my ED right (this is awful thinking, I know. You can't do an ED right, etc).

I have been MIA here because lol I haven't been doing anything to be proud of and I literally am so depressed I can't read posts about people's goals.

Someone send help please. Any advice is welcome. Anything, ugh. I don't want to go up on my meds again. I want to spiral into fasting.

:( thank you for being here. I have no friends.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 14, 2017
Created: Wed Jun 14 06:12:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h735k/daily_food_diary_june_14_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 14, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday June 14, 2017
Created: Wed Jun 14 06:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h72x2/way_to_go_wednesday_june_14_2017/
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 14, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Thinspo] Lingerie thinspo โค
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 05:24:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6v3b/lingerie_thinspo/

[Help] Help breaking food rituals
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 05:23:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6v2a/help_breaking_food_rituals/
Nearly every day for the past three weeks I've fallen victim to this new ridiculous habit. I'm slowly gaining and can't stop, I would've reached one of my goals by now if this didn't happen.

I have to buy two packs of m&ms, original and crispy. Then sort them by colour and eat two at a time, alternating types. I even have to crunch and chew each type in a particular way.

It's not hunger, it's just a strange habit I can't stop. I have to alternate where I buy them too as the people in the shop must be noticing what I buy by now...I'm so embarrassed and just want this to STOP.

Does anyone else have any food rituals that they're trying to break, or any ideas on how to cut this out? I'm struggling so much here, I feel absolutely insane. Every day in this body is torture, yet I just keep encouraging this misery.

(Mobile flair: help)

[Rant/Rave] God bless Pokรฉmon Go
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง ]
Created: Wed Jun 14 05:11:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6t8y/god_bless_pokรฉmon_go/

Seriously though, I went from laying around all day, wasting time and binging and purging to walking 5+ miles every day and being pretty productive.... but still binging and purging.

Plus, I caught Vulpix and Ponyta, which were my childhood favourites!! I'm so proud of them, even though I'm more of a water type lass now.

This is a weird post with no point, sorry. Uhh. Have a wonderful day, everyone!! I'm sending y'all hugs and ice cold diet drinks to keep you cool on these hellish days! c:

[Help] Dietary restrictions- help!
Created: Wed Jun 14 04:25:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6mkh/dietary_restrictions_help/
So I just got out of the hospital for a GI bleed and am on strict low acid, low fiber diet while everything heals. And although I consider myself mostly recovered, I guess I just now realizing how much I relied on "safe foods" because to me they were just "normal."

Now I have no idea what to eat and feel okay with. No raw veg, no whole grains, no fruit, no popcorn, pickles, salsa. No cruciferous veg AT ALL.

Any ideas guys? I have to eat or it could make it flare up, but everything I normally eat is no the banned list. HELP!!!

[Discussion] Diet soda preferences
Created: Wed Jun 14 03:40:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6gff/diet_soda_preferences/
So what's your diet soda of choice and why?

Mine is Pepsi wild cherry, the one with 2.3 kcal per can because 1) it tastes nice even if it's warm (like all pepsi sodas) 2) it's basically pepsi light but tastier

[Discussion] What are some essential ED items?
Created: Wed Jun 14 03:28:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6etm/what_are_some_essential_ed_items/

[Rant/Rave] Fuck you Body! I'm only going to make things worse for you!
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 02:54:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h6afk/fuck_you_body_im_only_going_to_make_things_worse/
On mobile flair as rant rave.

So I am kinda tipsy even though I only had one whiskey and one gin and soda water and walked like 4 miles plus being on my feet all day working. I drank a lot of coke zero which I am sure adds up but I feel like I must be retaining more liquid now. I hope the scale changes by morning. This morning I was under 165 lbs and just a minute ago I was 170 and I know I didn't eat anything because I haven't IN ALMOST 8 FUCKING DAYS so my body is being some fucking hoarder. I thought about a binge day followed by purging or laxatives cause the likelihood of one binge day (for me 2000 to 3000 calories average) undoing 8 days of fasting seems unlikely but now I feel like I can't break my fast until by body fucking cooperates

Open letter to my body:

You have a ton of fat and muscle mass to consume to eat that and stop hoarding water and liquids you God damned whore! ( I don't mean where as a derogatory term for women just as someone who might be considered greedy)

I get my body is panicking and trying to survive and shit but if it doesn't cooperate I am only going to have to be harder on it. I want this weight gone and I'm fucking sick of losing then gaining and will risk a lot to get what I believe is best. I don't care if I get malnourished or sick or tires or headache this weight is leaving my body. If it doesn't do what I want I will only make things worse because I hate myself.

Not counting coke zero which I hope it's negligible. I had less than 500 calories of alcohol maybe four shots total so In the realm of 400 to 500 maybe plus some diet coke. I need to switch to drinking more water.

I am seriously fucking pissed at my body right now for holding on to all this shit. There hasn't been food in my stomach on days and it's hoarding all this liquid. I may consider self harm If tomorrow isn't a possible outcome. My body needs to be punished for it noncompliance.

Hoping tomorrow or when I wake up is better. Sometimes alcohol gives me the much needed woosh. So I'm pissed and tired and hope I get up to pee a bunch so I can be done with all this water and stuff. Once again



[Rant/Rave] Mother in law came for dinner
Created: Wed Jun 14 01:35:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h60rz/mother_in_law_came_for_dinner/

[Rant/Rave] Everyone at home forgot my birthday.
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 01:14:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5xsr/everyone_at_home_forgot_my_birthday/
I was sad for a minute until I realized no one made me cake. Now I don't have to politely eat a few bites in front of family and binge once they're all asleep. I'll take zero temptation for $2000 Alex!

Edit: Thank you EVERYONE! for saying nice things and sending well wishes. It means a lot. This really is the nicest group of internet strangers on Reddit. <3

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Sewer backup because of ME
/u/feeblefoibles [5'5"| 112.8 | 19.0 | -11 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 14 00:24:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5qvr/rant_sewer_backup_because_of_me/
I never post, but have lurked for a while now. I'm bulimic and have been for 15 years now.

So Saturday night, I couldn't get "my" basement toilet to flush all of my puke. No big deal, I've taken a plunger to it before... This time I couldn't get it unclogged and draining, even after many flushes and dranol. Fuck.

Then, I noticed the adjacent spare bedroom carpet is soaking wet. SHIT. Now I HAVE to tell my bf, who I live with (it's his house, I sold mine a year ago and moved in with him).

We both tried unclogging this disaster for hours, and in the process caused it to overflow fucking chunks of undigested food and feces across the bathroom floor. I can't even describe the smell, it's like death. I've been using this old toilet with 1970s plumbing every single day for the past year...

We have emergency biohazard restoration services set up down there now, had the city in to try and snake the line out to the sanitary main, and a plumber today removed the toilet and snaked the whole pipeline to the main three times - it's still clogged and they don't know what the problem is. We have the insurance adjuster coming tomorrow to determine whether the basement restoration will be covered. I'm SO AFRAID he's going to see my puke and decide it can't be covered, and my bf (but really I) will have to shell out tens of thousands of dollars. Bottom line, we're on the hook for the repair to our pipeline, tens of thousands of dollars down the fucking shitter (lol.. literally).

And what have I done every night since? Ate hotel buffets and puked in someone else's toilet. I know this should be a turning point, but I just can't, CAN'T, stop this. I am a fucking disgusting MONSTER. What am I going to do??

Anyone else ever fucked up this bad? :(

[Discussion] Maximizing brain power while restricting?
Created: Wed Jun 14 00:21:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5qfq/maximizing_brain_power_while_restricting/
Hi everyone,

I have been restricting to 500cal/day, and I have found that it has a very large impact on my performance during exams - i can't focus properly while I'm studying, and zone out when I'm taking a test.

I have 3 very important exams coming up, and I need to get a really high mark on them to guarantee uni acceptance. I'm feeling really uncomfortable about increasing my intake, so I was wondering what any students here do to decrease the lack of focus and score well while restricting.

Thank you all very much <3

[Rant/Rave] I have no friends and the "friends" I do are shitty to me and I let them be shitty.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 14 00:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5ovp/i_have_no_friends_and_the_friends_i_do_are_shitty/
On mobile flair as rant rave.

I was looking forward to drinking with my coworkers after work but no one wanted to go out. I didn't want to go out so I called up my highschool friend who I see sometimes. Honestly he's a little boring sometimes but we have known each other since highschool and honestly I have I like no friends.

So a little about A.

He's skinny as shit (not triggering at all)
He is diabetic and watches his carbs but seldom eat much. He actually knows when he's full and stops eating but also goes hours without eating but feels likes he "eats a lot". I count his calories one day we hung out and he barely ate 1400 calories which is below his TDEE I think he's shorter than me by a bit.

He doesn't drink or smoke. He doesn't party. He's been by designated driver for some nights in the past. So he's skinnier than me without really trying but he's also just weird. He likes sports. I don't. He can be really awkward and gets religious about some places like site restaurants. We used to go to this dive type breakfast place together until we got fed up.

His latest thing has been a little Mexican cantina bar place with a good happy hour. all he ever does is drink diet coke and eat two plates of tacos he tries to flirt up the 30 something married bartender lady because she actually gives him attention.

So here I am. I have a drink and he is being cringey and all I can think about is the vegan chocolate chip banana pancakes I had my coworker make for me to take home but at the last minute I ditched them in the dumpster behind work after being blown off for drinks.

I wanted those pancakes but I knew I didn't deserve them and they would only open up Pandora box to a binge. I might have a drink or two and take the long walking route home.

I feel shitty and my friend isn't really helping. This is the same friend who dropped very intoxicated me off at a strangers house to be sexuality assaulted and raped by a stranger and it caused my relationship to end because he said I made the choice when I couldn't consent and told the stranger I had a girlfriend and he told my girlfriend I cheated so I got trauma and depression.

He is some friend right? So yeah I feel shitty but it's almost 8 days or will be when I wake up minus the calories for whatever whiskey I drink tonight.

Kill me. I am so miserable.


[Discussion] anyone else starving in their bed all the time
Created: Tue Jun 13 23:04:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h5f14/anyone_else_starving_in_their_bed_all_the_time/
hello i'm new to this sub and very shy and insecure to share but i feel very alone

i've been like this for a long time, i fast almost all the time, and i'm not in school or have a job and prefer not to leave my house and i feel too sick to do so anyway

so i spend all of my time in my bed, trying to drink as much water as i physically can, sometimes chewing gum to keep away nausea or make my mouth stop feeling weird, and hardly even thinking about food. i feel almost entirely disgusted by most (all?) food, and can't stand how it feels to eat. i don't even know if having cut out food entirely is the best way to keep losing weight for me but i don't care anymore and i can't eat.

i didn't mean to rant though but i just want to know if anyone else here is also just staying inside all day, isolating and focusing on a fast that never ends, or just understand these feelings too

[Rant/Rave] Day one of Stress Week
Created: Tue Jun 13 22:23:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h589c/day_one_of_stress_week/

[Rant/Rave] Can i just vent? It's been a hell of a time (tw:suicide/selfharm)
Created: Tue Jun 13 22:16:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h575v/can_i_just_vent_its_been_a_hell_of_a_time/

I'm miserable. I have been for a long time. I stopped my alcoholism, only to realize I'm miserable without it. I need help. I need help bad.

I'm so numb, I don't even want to talk about my shit issues. I'm just tired. I don't want to do this anymore. The ED. The anxiety. The depression. The self harm. The suicidal thoughts...wanting to just sleep it all away....and the fucking lonliness....

I'm a 26 year old woman. I'm not fucking able to ask my counselor for help anymore. This is my responsibility and I cant. I'm so tired of it all.

Months ago I mostly posted in relation to my "drunkorexia" and general alcohol issues. I realize why I was there. This is fucking horrid and I'd rather be fat and drunk than handle this mental clusterfuck.

I'm writing to write. I'm alone. Waiting for my roommate to get home so I can talk to them and hopefully calm down some. Just....fuck. I have no more crutches. No food. No booze. No friends. I'm trying to quit smoking so much.... what am I supposed to cling to??? Cause reality fucking hurts.

I should probably see a doctor.

[Rant/Rave] Don't know if I've ever been this stoked over cereal.
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h53yr/dont_know_if_ive_ever_been_this_stoked_over_cereal/
Bad metal health day/week/month whatever. Bad mental health always. Anyways

Went to the store, caught sight of my favorite cereal that they don't always have, and you better believe I snatched that fucker up.

I deserve it. Fuck yeah. I'm in a severe depressive episode and everyone keeps commenting on how much weight I've lost

WATCH ME BINGE ON THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. IDGAF. I'MA EAT THE WHOLE BAG they're not that big and it'll probably be the only thing I eat that day but THEY'RE GONNA SEE ME EAT IT AND STFU


Guys you have no idea how damn excited I am for when I allow myself to eat this cereal.

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm sick of people with BED being treated like slobs with no self control. Uh, that not how it works, asshole.
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4zne/rant_im_sick_of_people_with_bed_being_treated/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm so tired of people with BED being treated like slobs with no self ills
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:20:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4xr7/rant_im_so_tired_of_people_with_bed_being_treated/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling like absolute shit and just need some support.
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'11" | CW 155 | GW 145 | -10 | F | vegetarian]
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4w2k/feeling_like_absolute_shit_and_just_need_some/
Hey everyone. Just feeling like shit because my friends are slut shaming me because I keep going out with different guys because I'm so lonely and insecure that I can barely function. Trying to get over some guy I shouldn't have gotten attached to, while working 8-10 hours at taco bell where I am tortured by the smell of amazing food I can have for free all day, then going to rehearsal for three and a half hours.

I'm getting no sleep, I'm losing muscle mass instead of fat, I feel sick no matter what I do or don't eat and I feel pathetic.

But at least my mom made me an appointment to get a consultation with a cosmetic dermatologist. Going to be expensive as fuck but she doesn't care because she wants me to be happy and she thinks if we get my acne scarring taken care of I'll be happy. I mean she's not wrong, that would help. My scarring isn't awful but it's eh. Look in my post history to see my face.

I want to get thin and perfect and have no scars and get submental liposuction before college starts. No matter how much weight I lose I still have fat under my chin and it looks fucking disgusting. I look like a pig.

I feel like I genuinely have no friends who care about me and no one who appreciates me.

Just needing some support and friendship.

Edit: this is me : https://imgur.com/a/BBssv

[Rave] New favorite food
Created: Tue Jun 13 21:04:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4uwh/new_favorite_food/
Apologies for the lack of flair, mod gods.

Hemp hearts/hemp seed.

So high in protein and vitamins! 180c for 3T, which is kind of high but they have 11g protein AND they help digestion. I always poop regularly after eating 1.5(+) tbsp, but not in a way that is crampy or uncomfortable.
They're a little waxy, a little grassy, but mostly tasteless and enjoyable. I don't feel like binging on them like I do with nuts, and they apply well on sweet and savory foods.
I like baby carrots+salt+hemp hearts/seeds, or hemp+berries, or hemp in oatmeal or yogurt.
I'm trying to focus on my macros and getting my protein up so if you're in the same boat check them out! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ˜Ž

[Intro] New to reddit, not to ED
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 113 | 19.4 | -2| Woman]
Created: Tue Jun 13 20:27:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4o7w/new_to_reddit_not_to_ed/
Hi I really don't know how to use this yet so forgive any missteps. I'm in a really bad place with myself and ED and life and am hoping this will be a good community for me :)

[Help] How to not break a fast?
/u/ccgjs [5'2 | CW: 105 | BMI: 19.2 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 19:49:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4h2s/how_to_not_break_a_fast/
(I've never posted on here before and I'm not good with introduction posts, so I'm just gonna post this. (I'm on mobile so I cant add flair))

I've been trying to have 20 hour liquid fasts for the past two days and every single night they end in me drinking my weight in non-diet soda or bingeing and I'm so sick of it lol

How do I curb my nighttime cravings?? I usually dont go to bed until midnight and I need other things to do. Thanks, I love this subreddit btw ๐Ÿ’—

[Rant/Rave] i fucked up my calories before my trip :(
/u/just_a_cat__ [5'8" | CW: 138 | HW: 160 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 19:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4da1/i_fucked_up_my_calories_before_my_trip/
yAaLlLll why?! I just ate 2k cal after work on top of my planned 600 cal that I have already eaten and i'm leaving for vacation tomorrow and had ~magically~ managed to not binge for the past week and wanted to save my cals for a bunch of new restaurants I wanted to try WHY DID I DO THIS THE DAY BEFORE I LEAVE?!??!?

like in my mind before a binge I think "I will never be skinny anyways, so why not just fuck it up now!!" then the next day i'm like "no I can do this and it does work because i have seen it work," but eventually fall back into the former train of thought. i'm so mad at myself. my boyfriend wanted to take me to sushi tonight since it's my last night in town for a few days too, and now I don't even want to do that.

grammar and stuff, sorry. the food wasn't even that much nor was it good. It was just fucking goldfish and PB pretzels and snacky junk. how is your day going? :')

[Rant/Rave] |Rant| Incoherent anxious rambling
Created: Tue Jun 13 19:15:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h4ak5/rant_incoherent_anxious_rambling/

[Rant/Rave] Fasting turns me into more of an Asshole
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Tue Jun 13 18:29:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h41xq/fasting_turns_me_into_more_of_an_asshole/
On mobile so flair as rant rave.

I am on day 7 without food now and it has made me kind of bitter. When I am not crying because of the pain and soreness I am cold and withdrawn and not very social.

I am at work and feel like I have a short temper. I am supposed to go out with coworkers but I feel like people are avoiding me because I'm giving off mean vibes. K the girl I went out with this last Friday will barely make eye contact with me and I haven't got a chance to talk to D the Person I was out with Sunday night. I feel like maybe people don't like me.

I feel paranoid. I lied to my manager/coworker again for the millionth time about bringing a lunch when I usually just spend my lunch smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee or coke zero.

I am really bothered by heavy people too today like I want to gag and puke because they remind me of myself. I feel like I am obese. The numbers say I'm healthy now but I feel obese.

The numbers can't be right because whenever I see my reflection I just see this enormous person. This person I hate.

Eventually I will have to eat and it will take all my will and control not to go crazy. I am hoping to go as long as I can so if I do gain a pound or so from a binge it will be negligible to all I could have lost. I'm lost almost 8 pounds or so since I started my fast.

I need to lose at least 20 by July. If I keep this up maybe I will be ok. ..

I wish fasting didn't bring out the worst in me though. I am in pain and just bitter everyone around me is normal..or seems normal.


[Rant/Rave] Today was hell
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW: 157.4 GW: 130 | 20.88 | -2.6lbs | 21/F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3vkh/today_was_hell/
Yesterday I was feeling depressed as hell so I started drinking...and didn't stop. A whole bottle of vodka after a bottle of sake. Today was the worst I have ever had the misfortune to feel in my entire life. Constant severe nausea from ~9am to around 6pm, shaking chills/unable to get warm, & vertigo. Also am really scared of vomiting and have forced myself not to so I puked for the first time in literally 8 years. & I hadn't eaten hardly anything so puking was even more painful. Besides the Cheerios and kind bar I puked up I've only had 3 rice cakes today which is at least something to feel happy about.

I'm at the beach with my family and my sisters fiancรฉe and her sister. I puked once before they left to go exploring for the day but I feel so mortified. I'm usually extremely withdrawn and hardly talk and they saw me wasted. I'm so embarrassed and still feel nauseous. And missed out on the day since I spent it groaning on bathroom floors.

In addition I accidentally drunk texted my guy friend and now he's pissed at me. I hate myself for doing this to myself so much. I just keep trying to remember that at least I didn't overeat. Oddly I feel less embarrassed for getting trashed than the usual shame of bingeing. Sorry for the scattered thoughts & really negative post but just had to get it out

[Rant/Rave] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH - In which I eat a lot of pancakes
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:57:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3viq/aaaaaaaaaahhhh_in_which_i_eat_a_lot_of_pancakes/
I suck. I really, really, REALLY suck.

Fasted for 40 hours without any sign of hunger until I watched 'Binging with Babish'. In the video I watched, he made pancakes and coffee from Twin Peaks, and that caught my interest.

At first I thought I was just gonna make the pancakes and put them in fridge for my family, but apparently not...

I ate pretty much all four of the successfull pancakes with sirup and jam. For some reason that wasn't enough, so I scoured the fridge for a pastry (Luckily small) my dad had made for me earlier.

Realising that I just ate about 1400 calories on a day I was meant to fast, I quickly started trying to purge, but to no avail.
Only mucus came out, but I pushed onwards. Then came the blood.

At this point I'm freaking out, crying with mucus, blood and tears all over my red face. I couldn't make myself throw up.

I had read on MPA that warm water, salt and mustard would be guaranteed to make you puke, so I mixed up a cup and drank it down.

Long story short it didn't work and it just really hurt in my stomach.

So YEAH. I really fucked up. Sorry for the long text, and if you actually read it, then thanks! <3

**TL;DR: I ate about 1400 calories of pastry and pancakes, and pathetically tried purging to no avail. Life's great :\^)**

[Help] Eye pain and restricting?
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:54:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3utj/eye_pain_and_restricting/

[Thinspo] Molly Bair aka my new favourite thinspo
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3l5x/molly_bair_aka_my_new_favourite_thinspo/

[Humor] Mean mugged by the pharmacist
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -60 | 31F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 17:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3ke0/mean_mugged_by_the_pharmacist/
Stopped by the pharmacy today and bought two items: Bronkaid and laxatives.

The pharmacist judged me so hard

[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time this year :/
/u/OMFGLDQ [๐Ÿ’ฎ5'3" | 96.8lbs | 17.62 | HW 125lbs | LW 82lbs | ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โคโ€๐Ÿ‘จ]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3j8j/purged_for_the_first_time_this_year/
I'm not sure if I will purge again

Idk how to feel

Why does it feel so good to purge? Ugh

At least I got most of it, and don't feel like stuffing my fat face again ๐Ÿ™ƒ

I'm still disgusting tho so whateves~

This is another reason I made this account, bc I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have the boy find out about me purging again bc he'd feel terrible

Edit: Uhhh I'm not sure how to edit flair, I guess rant

[Rant/Rave] Mirrors are evil devices
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:55:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3j7p/mirrors_are_evil_devices/
Soooo yeah I thought hey it's a nice, sunny day I should totally throw on a bikini top and shorts while I'm in the backyard๐Ÿ˜„.... went to change and caught a glimpse of my stomach in my dresser mirror ๐Ÿคข..... now hiding in the t-shirt and jeans I originally had on. ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

[Other] Thank goodness for self check out and nonjudgmental pharmacists
/u/zarnaah [5'6 | 153 | 24.92 | -32lbs | female]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:53:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3ix9/thank_goodness_for_self_check_out_and/

[Discussion] DAE no longer have the ability to properly recognize hunger/fullness?
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:53:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3iwk/dae_no_longer_have_the_ability_to_properly/
I don't even know what it feels like to feel genuinely hungry or genuinely full anymore. I feel like I am perpetually trapped between cycles of binging and restricting/fasting. I can't eat like a normal person. My appetite is constant and ravenous, but I'm never really physically hungry, and I'm never really quite full.

It just feels like I'm empty and even all the food in the world wouldn't fill me.

[Discussion] Is anyone else embarrassed by their breasts and attempt to make them appear smaller?
/u/futuredust_ [5'8 | CW: 153 | HW: 220]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:36:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3fd4/is_anyone_else_embarrassed_by_their_breasts_and/
My breasts "reinflated" with some weight gain. Now I'm embarrassed about them so I've been wearing sports bras and bras that have an underwire but no padding.

[Rant/Rave] southern hospitality makes me so mad
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:28:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3don/southern_hospitality_makes_me_so_mad/
y'all guys always says "the cashiers don't care about what you're buying" but you must not live in the south because every. single. time. i go the grocery store i have to put on a smile and chat about all the cookie dough and blue bell but how i also buy ten bags of spinach and egg white and it looks ~so balanced~


like three different cashiers have said i buy a well balanced amount of food can you fucking believe

edit: the bagger dude did tell me i have beautiful eyebrows so i'll be riding that high for the next two years

[Rant/Rave] Y'all I'm about to scream.
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F๐Ÿ’Ž]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h39tk/yall_im_about_to_scream/
Please mark rant! I'm on mobile as always ๐Ÿ˜“

I left for work early because traffic is always a nightmare on my way, and I kept thinking to myself "okay girl you got this; tomorrow you're having a sushi feast but you gotta wear *that dress* and look fine as fuck" I STOPPED AT MCDONALDS AND GOT TWO SANDWICHES AND FRIES. I was doing so good today, just a quest bar, coffee, and water. AND NOW IM SO ANGRY. Like yes I'm about to be at work and bringing in carts and moving around trash, which is better than doing this on a cashiering day but fucking Christ. I'm gonna be bringing those carts in at a jog ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’
Oh and btw quest bars are at Target now! I could only find them at GNC for the longest time ๐Ÿ˜›

[Other] I got spooked y'all
/u/OMFGLDQ [๐Ÿ’ฎ5'3" | 96.8lbs | 17.62 | HW 125lbs | LW 82lbs | ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โคโ€๐Ÿ‘จ]
Created: Tue Jun 13 16:01:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h37um/i_got_spooked_yall/

[Rant/Rave] Vent
Created: Tue Jun 13 15:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h3395/vent/

[Rant/Rave] Is it possible to live life without comfort food.
/u/averagempty [5'5.75" | CW:130lbs | BMI: 21.1 | GW:115lbs| 18F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 14:37:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h2oic/is_it_possible_to_live_life_without_comfort_food/
When life is so shitty, and nothing feels good, how do you turn down the whip cream and waffles? The ice cream? The pasta?
I understand living this way for like a week. But after that I always rationalize eating shit. After practice, I can confidently only have one binge day. And today's the day. But I just think why?

[Help] slow heartbeat
Created: Tue Jun 13 14:20:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h2kjy/slow_heartbeat/

[Discussion] I can't seem to find EC stacks anywhere in my area
Created: Tue Jun 13 13:34:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h29mv/i_cant_seem_to_find_ec_stacks_anywhere_in_my_area/

[Discussion] What's the worst comment you've gotten about your weight or disorder?
Created: Tue Jun 13 13:13:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h24oi/whats_the_worst_comment_youve_gotten_about_your/

[Discussion] I need a fucking hobby.
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Tue Jun 13 12:54:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h2059/i_need_a_fucking_hobby/
I feel like 90% of my mental energy is spent thinking about calories and weight and what I look like, and it's turned me into a boring ass person. I seriously need something to breathe some life back into my day to day because these days all I do is come home, sit on my phone in front of the TV, and waste away. I'm not even tired when I go to bed anymore, because I haven't actually done anything. I'm just bored. And life is full of opportunities for new experiences -- if I'm bored, it's because I'm being boring.

It's a galling waste of time and life and I'm so. tired. of. it. It's especially a waste right now because the evenings are long and warm and I'm wasting 5/7 of them sitting inside.

What are your hobbies? What do you to with your free time? Tell me so I can copy you like an annoying little sister.

[Rant/Rave] "Eat waffles...."
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 12:26:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1sz2/eat_waffles/
So this morning my mom decided to go to the grocery store without me, (I always go with her to make sure I get the stuff I want) so I gave her a list of the specific things I wanted (Unsweetened green iced tea, cinnamon gum, salt free rice cakes , halo top, my favorite cereal, etc). I spent 10 minutes texting her about the tea since she kept picking ones with calories... Then she forgot everything else!!! I told her I at least needed the cereal because I eat it for both breakfast and lunch, yet all she had to say about it was to "eat waffles". Excuse me.... but WHAT??!? I can't just eat waffles!! It's not that simple!!! With me I have to have cereal or I'll be stressed and have my day ruined. At least I still have some left, and thankfully she'll go back with me tomorrow... But still, I can't just "eat waffles"...

[Other] r/Thinspo
Created: Tue Jun 13 12:21:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1rvm/rthinspo/

[Discussion] What are your favorite low calorie packaged snacks?!
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:59:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1m3i/what_are_your_favorite_low_calorie_packaged_snacks/
I'm traveling to visit my sister later this month and I don't want to fall into the trap of airport food

[Rant/Rave] I love how people tell me that anorexia is awful! and has a high mortality rate!! and can have long term consequences!!!
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:50:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1k1u/i_love_how_people_tell_me_that_anorexia_is_awful/
no shit I've done my research trust me

that's not going to magically make me change my ways, this ISNT A CHOICE

[Rant/Rave] This is all just one big numbers game!
/u/AmberMoonstone [141.8 | 23.4 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:45:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1ip5/this_is_all_just_one_big_numbers_game/
I never realized how much all of this has me number crazy. I read labels to see the number of grams in a serving, the calorie count, the grams each of protein, fat, and sugar. Days on the calendar coincide with numbers I want on the scale, or on my measuring tape. Numbers determine how much left I have to eat, what I can eat, and how I eat. Every morning I step onto my scale, the numbers on it's face tell me whether or not I will have a good day - did I make it, did I lose any?

The number I am looking for is -32.6, or 18.0 BMI , or 110lbs. All of those numbers have the same value to me. They mean beauty, grace, perfection, worthiness, they mean my true happiness. My true potential, my true radiance, who I am and truly want to be. The small one, the graceful one, *the prettiest girl in the room*. Those crazy numbers come back to haunt me, because I have to be number one. If I am not the prettiest or thinnest girl in the room, my mood sours a little and I instantly start comparing myself to the object of my envy.

*Her* numbers are smaller than mine, better than mine. Basically, this was my weird roundabout way of saying that eating disorders are like golf and that I am salty.

[Rant/Rave] Food takes up so many hours of my day
/u/tinycashew [5'6.75" | 118.0 | 18.59 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h1gxe/food_takes_up_so_many_hours_of_my_day/
I think it's like, the basis of my food issues that my brain needs to spend all of my time thinking about food in order to cope with (aka avoid) all the other anxiety-causing stressors in my life. Like, I got some stressful life news the other day and I really really need to deal with it. And my first instinct after that was to immediately quit eating. Because if I need to fast, it comes before getting anything else done and therefore it's "okay" that I'm not dealing with my problems. Then I decided to ramp up my exercise regimen instead, which also means plenty of time cooking and eating food because I'm really trying to increase my calories to have no more than a 700-calorie deficit each day because hopefully that will preserve muscle mass, which is the current body thing I'm freaking out about.

All the things I spend so much time on:

* Looking at the weather and my fitness apps to plan when and how I'll exercise

* Looking at recipes and nutrition information constantly to plan what I'm going to eat and with what macros

* Reading nutrition articles, weight loss articles, and science papers to continue
figuring out out exactly what I should eat, how healthy it is, and what is happening to my body at all times

* Weighing myself, measuring, body checking, and visiting a collection of different mirrors so I can body check myself in all of them (anybody else do this? lol)

* Planning my grocery list for each of the four stores I can buy groceries from

* Looking at the ads and prices and coupons and coupon apps so I can save the most money on everything. Especially now with the new thing that happened that means I unexpectedly need a lot more money. But not enough to make me quit buying so much diet coke ugh fml

* Actually making all my shopping trips, more is better because each one is also at least a mile walk round trip

* Actually exercising, cooking, meal prepping and eating

* Alternatively, deciding to fast for a day and therefore filling it with distracting activities that also don't accomplish anything

* Being unable to stop bringing up food, cooking, or exercise to all the people around me

* Being a socially anxious nutcase and wondering how much everyone else is noticing all the above behaviors

* Coming here and reading everything from you guys (almost forgot this one!)

And after doing all of this that's pretty much all my time and I haven't done anything REAL, TANGIBLE, THAT WILL IMPROVE MY ACTUAL FUTURE!! And to justify it all I need to be losing weight as quickly as possible. The worst part is that after a horrible stressful binge cycle of +7 pounds I JUST got back down to the same weight I was SIX WEEKS AGO so literally ALL OF IT WAS WASTED TIME.

Ugh. I guess this was just a rant, but it would be nice to know if anyone else spends all their time on this shit. Or if anyone has the same extremely avoidant mentality about things in their life. I'm so self aware of it all and so completely unable to do anything differently.

Writing this was kind of helpful. I just sent two emails that will make a tiny forward movement on my current problems. If I send two more today, I'm going to reward myself by walking to the grocery store (0.7 miles) and maybe getting a Halo Top (yay protein. boo money) because it's 95 degrees outside.

Love you all!!!! I hope you're having better days than me.

[Help] Blood work?
/u/diedawhileago [5'5 1/2 | 122 | 20.1 | -108 lbs! | 17f]
Created: Tue Jun 13 11:09:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h19ym/blood_work/
My psychiatrist has ordered a lab workup for me, specifically for vitamin D and magnesium. Is there anything I need to look out for? I'm really worried that they'll do it and the results will tell them all the terrible things I've been doing to my body- is that possible? I'm probably deficient in a lot of things, would that give me away? And is there anything I can do to fix it asap?

Ugh sorry I'm so stupid, I'm just freaked out and idk what to do because I *really* can't get out of this.

[Other] A very ED run to the store.
Created: Tue Jun 13 10:45:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h13ym/a_very_ed_run_to_the_store/

[Tip] Guys guys guys holy fuck this is amazing
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:59:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0s6p/guys_guys_guys_holy_fuck_this_is_amazing/
Okay, so. Recently, I was wasting time, aimlessly wondering on the internet when I came across an ad for a safe called [kSafe](https://www.thekitchensafe.com/)

"Okay, it's a safe, big deal". Yes, it's a safe, but get this: WITH A TIMED LOCK.

"Okay, so?". You can put food in there whenever you want to binge!!! Woah!!!

Usually when I want to binge, I need to go to the supermarket to get food to binge on considering I don't keep any food near me. (Because if I did I'd just binge). Now, once I've bought my food and am back home, I can just throw the food in the safe, set a timer for a few hours/days and just drive myself insane instead of stuffing my face with food! Yay! I know it sounds quite torturous, and many of us (myself included) know that if we want to binge, we're going to binge, nothing's going to stop us. But I really really really want to be able to have the willpower to say no, and I'm hoping to reach that goal with help from kSafe. Once the timer's been set, there's no way to break in. I tried locking it and taking out the batteries and it stays locked. The only way you'd get into it would be by breaking it, but the price is enough motivation for me not to do that. (Price for XL, the one I have, is obviously a lil pricier than the small and medium).

I hope some of you will give it a try and see if it helps :)

[Rant/Rave] I just made a throwaway to rant this out.
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:48:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0pjb/i_just_made_a_throwaway_to_rant_this_out/
Some of you may know me,since I'm fairly active on this sub. I also post on r/proEDmemes. Those are the main two subs that I go to on an hourly basis. This is a great community and you are all wonderfull people. I can't stress hard enough how this subreddit helped me. It is always nice to have people to talk and share opinions on risky topics like an eating disorder. My family never guessed I had any out of the ordinary views on food/weight/eating, let alone habits. Well today that changed. My brother found my reddit account.

He laughed at me, told me how cancerous and cringey my posts are, and that he read them all and I just started to cry. Like most of you, I kept my reddit private from anyone, only I knew my handle. I made one mistake. And he knew all of my private,inner thoughts. And he mocked them. It might be funny to other people if I would explain to them why I'm upset, but to this community would only give me understanding. My eating habits are a sensitive topic. Some days I binge to the point I want to vomit from all the food, some days I fast. Heck, some days I throw something in the trash, and then take it out and eat it. Because I had no control, I had to physically ruin food in order of it not to tempt me. I posted weekly selfies here even tho I never take pictures of myself, I shared all my triggering/crazy moments with you even tho not a single friend of mine knew why I don't eat in front of them anymore or why I always eat labeled and weighted food.

I just feel violated. A year worth of posts about things I would never tell anyone, read. The only word I can really use is violated. I just want to eat till I die or just starve myself to death. That's what I wanted to do at least. Then I remembered you guys are still here, and all the stuff I learned about self love and ones own worth . So thank you, a year ago I might have acted differently to this situation. Even tho this hurts, and that things will never be the same between my brother and me, food will not make it better in anyway. If i decide to over eat or under eat it will not make me feel any better. I will be having a new handle. I probably won't post or comment like I used to, because It's different now. They know I visit this sub and they don't understand it like I do and I fear I will be discovered again.

But I will always give support to this community because it gave me back so much more. You are all the only people who understood me in my time of need and you all changed me in such a positive way. The only part of my life I have in control right now is my eating.
So thank you again, sorry for the long read. Will be lurking on you tho so this is not a goodbye!

[Other] I was going to recover but... lol
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:39:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0nh8/i_was_going_to_recover_but_lol/
I unsubscribed for like... a week? Because I was going to work on ~recovery~. But obv that didn't work out. So I'm back. I felt like my life was losing a purpose and spinning out of control when I wasn't restricting as much anymore. Still wasn't eating over 1000cals a day, and I have still lost weight, but everything felt crazy for a while. Pretty screwed up when you miss your disorder.

[Tip] Cindy Crawford - Shape Your Body - Full Workout - English
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4F |121.6lbs | 21.28| 4lbs]
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:03:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0f0z/cindy_crawford_shape_your_body_full_workout/

[Tip] Restricting and doing this workout (intermittently) will give you the thinspo bod of your life.
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:01:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0ell/restricting_and_doing_this_workout_intermittently/

[Help] Good Milk Replacement?
Created: Tue Jun 13 09:00:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0eb1/good_milk_replacement/
Almost all milk replacements I've tried taste awful, and taste nothing like milk.
I've tried all Almond milks, and some cashew milk.

How do YOU exercise? (Or don't)
Created: Tue Jun 13 08:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h082b/how_do_you_exercise_or_dont/

[Humor] When you post to proED on a bad day...
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Tue Jun 13 08:26:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h06yf/when_you_post_to_proed_on_a_bad_day/

[Rant/Rave] Day 7: an update and more ranting ( possible trigger warning because it's me)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Tue Jun 13 07:54:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6h0093/day_7_an_update_and_more_ranting_possible_trigger/
On mobile flair as rant/rave, thank you.

In a few hours it will be day 7 without anything to eat. It's been a while since I went this long. I still don't know if it's because of some crazy will power or my crippling anxiety.

At work the last two nights I really wanted some of our house vegan Mac and cheese but kept telling myself it wasn't worth it. Despite the anxiety and crying an hour out of my shift I managed.

Last night I went to bed directly after I got home and managed to dodge my parents who always seem to feign concern when they don't really care.

My stomach pain is slightly less than I was yesterday I plan to drink some POWERade zero or something with electrolytes to ballance out the copious amounts of caffeine I'll need today.

According to my peice of shit analog scale in down somewhere between 5 and 8 pounds though the fact the it's a range bothers me. Depending on where my feet are it reads slightly different. I plan to get a new scale tomorrow on my day off.

It will get me out of the house and get some steps in and will be sort of a reward I guess. In a fucked up kind of way. I am going to try and sleep and nap on my days off because I haven't slept so great.

I've been invited to go out for drinks tonight after work which I might do. A few drinks won't kill me also it keeps me from binging at home.

I have a bunch of binge food to dispose of from my last binge session and the longer I go without getting rid of it the weaker my will.

Items include

Double chocolate oreos
Peanutbutter and cookie dairy free Ben and jerrys
7 layer coconut dairy free Ben and jerrys
Tortillas, vegan refried beans for simple bean burritos
Vanilla and chocolate silk almond milk
Left over vegan spaghetti and meatless meatballs

Not a lot but it all still needs to go and I need only a little bit of time but no one can be home so I don't risk being confronted and having to explain why I'm throwing out food..

All I can think about right now besides food and wanting to be thin is what to possible wear tonight so that I look sort of attractive.

I feel really insecure. My former coworker M night show you and I found our hes in an open relationship and I want his attention also my other coworker who I got to have drinks with a few nights ago K who is absolutely gorgeous and sweet.

I want to be seem as attractive and discernable but truth be told I have super low self esteem except when I'm drunk but then occasionally I get over emotional and over share or get too flirty.

Tonight will be a reward for all my fasting and I want to try and look cute but everything in my mind tells me it's impossible.

My hair is faded a lot from the lovely pink it was to a fucked up ombre or my natural colored brown roots to some blonde to the remaining pink. My face is pale and bloated, I could use a shave but my razor is broke and I can't afford a new one. I have a lovely fresh burn on my forearm from two days ago when I splashed myself with scolding boiling water by accident, my eyes has darker circles than ever. I feel like if anyone here saw my face they might agree. I look like shit perpetually.

I feel like I passed the wall though. People talk about working out like their is this wall you hit then things get easier. I feel like yesterday was my wall. My pain has subsides a bit and I plan to keep my caffeine and water intake up and also bring some alleve or ibuprofen to work.

I guess my other reward, as fucked up as it sounds will either be another pack of cigarettes or some sleeping pills. The cost of both is about the same. The smokes would suppress my appetite some more and the pills would help me sleep but I can't really afford both.

I'm justifying buying drinks tonight cause it's usually pretty cheap for me to get a little drunk especially cause fasting lowers m my tolerance and I can nurse two drinks or so for a few hours.

So yeah this is where I am at right now. I still feel emotionally heavy and disconnected and bitter and depressed and like little things might send me into episodes of anxiety of crying but I think I passed through a lot of misery. I'm somehow still going.

I am no role model. I am really fucked up. I am sick. This is control. Anxiety. Fear and depression and self hatred.

Send me good vibes lovelies


[Discussion] Do you purge? How? How has it changed with your ED?
/u/ambiguouslyreal [5'2.5"| 100.4 | 18.64 | -32lb | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 07:43:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzxyz/do_you_purge_how_how_has_it_changed_with_your_ed/

Thigh gap
Created: Tue Jun 13 07:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzroa/thigh_gap/

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A June 13, 2017
Created: Tue Jun 13 06:10:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzgcl/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_june_13_2017/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 13, 2017
Created: Tue Jun 13 06:10:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gzgbw/daily_food_diary_june_13_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 13, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] BDD and those damn moments of clarity that never last
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 05:57:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gze1i/bdd_and_those_damn_moments_of_clarity_that_never/
It's actually scary how my perception changes so quickly. This morning I looked in the mirror and for like two minutes I wasn't huge. I actually thought "I look pretty slender today! I'm not a big disgusting monster." And then bam, back to being obese. Giant thunder thighs, a stomach that is revolting. Ass the size of Texas. The brain's a scary place. :(

[Rant/Rave] So I posted on r/rateme...
/u/imnevergold [170 | CW 55 | GW 47 | F |]
Created: Tue Jun 13 05:04:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gz5pu/so_i_posted_on_rrateme/

[Other] Phone Wallpaper
Created: Tue Jun 13 02:36:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gym0r/phone_wallpaper/

[Rant/Rave] 3:40 AM and here I am sitting in front of the open fridge eating mustard with a tiny plastic spoon and chasing it with hot sauce.
Created: Tue Jun 13 01:42:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gyf7i/340_am_and_here_i_am_sitting_in_front_of_the_open/
I have completely lost all control of my life. ๐Ÿ™ƒ

(Please add rant/rave flair for I'm but a humble mobile user)

[Help] Hiding food?
/u/mapvi [5'4 | CW: 136.8ish | LW: 124.4 | GW1: 132 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 13 00:02:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gy15b/hiding_food/
Okay so my parents brought home half a cheesecake tonight because apparently they were all "Well mapvi may not want the rest of this cheesecake, but she'll sure as fuck eat it anyways," so...

1) Okay, thanks for knowing I'm a pig and commenting on it. Great.

2) How the hell do I get rid of this thing without eating it?? Because we all know if it just sits there I'm totally gonna pig out on it, so I'd rather get rid of it all at once instead of piece by piece. But if I just toss it all and act like I ate it then it'll reinforce their view of me as this huge pig and they'll continue to keep bringing home or buying this shit. And if I just say I don't want it and try to toss it out they'll say I'm wasting food. It's like I'm the family garbage disposal. :(

What do I do???

[Other] Busy day = no chance to be hungry
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:39:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxxks/busy_day_no_chance_to_be_hungry/

[Rant/Rave] Just planned a binge for 2 weeks from now
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | GW: 120 | -15 | F20]
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxuyl/just_planned_a_binge_for_2_weeks_from_now/
I'm so fucked up and I hate it

[Rant/Rave] i hate how controlling my relationship with food is
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxu84/i_hate_how_controlling_my_relationship_with_food/
i've eaten about 800 calories today and i'm debating whether or not to eat some cereal which would mean eating about 1,000 calories and the thought makes me so anxious even though that's not even maintenance, which of course i know because i've memorized how many calories are in everything and how much i need to restrict to lose weight and planning breakfast tomorrow makes me anxious and this is so, so not a normal relationship with food. and it feels so utterly ridiculous because, like, it's *food*, it's just fuel that we need and if i'm hungry why don't i eat some fucking cereal and just get over it ugh i'm sorry for the rant i'm just really frustrated by how fucked up my relationship with food is, how much it controls my life and how i'm only willing to think about eating at maintenance if i'm underweight idk

[Rant/Rave] I'm still here, bitch
Created: Mon Jun 12 23:12:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxtg9/im_still_here_bitch/

Mania & Depression: Never so far apart. http://milkysou.deviantart.com/ also please remove if this isn't allowed on this sub
Created: Mon Jun 12 22:05:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxhwr/mania_depression_never_so_far_apart/

[Thinspo] Going to try again, join my channel for thinspo at @thinspo on telegram. I'm looking for admins too, pm me at @tbhfam, thank you โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
Created: Mon Jun 12 21:51:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxf9f/going_to_try_again_join_my_channel_for_thinspo_at/

[Other] i just got a coupon for free halo top
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Mon Jun 12 21:35:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gxcbv/i_just_got_a_coupon_for_free_halo_top/
it was from kroger, it printed out after my receipt. probably because i was buying ice cream โœŒ๏ธ hopefully they have it in yours too!

[Rant/Rave] the sweetest boyfriend award goes to...
Created: Mon Jun 12 20:50:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gx4ez/the_sweetest_boyfriend_award_goes_to/

[Goal] Liquid fast here I come
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 100.2lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 20:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gx116/liquid_fast_here_i_come/

[Rant/Rave] C/S to avoid guilt from binge eating
/u/notlion [5'9.5" | 21.8 | 24F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 19:20:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gwn1f/cs_to_avoid_guilt_from_binge_eating/
.... And I feel guilty anyway because I know I must have swallowed a few bits. Yay ED.

[Rant/Rave] I can't fucking do this...I'm at my wits end (possible trigger warning)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 12 18:56:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gwif4/i_cant_fucking_do_thisim_at_my_wits_end_possible/
On mobile please flair as rant/rave or whatever is appropriate.

Trigger warning this might get detailed.

It's been over 6 days now not counting alcohol and coffee consumption I have had anything solid or reassembling food.

I feel like my body is shutting down. I am in pain all over especially my stomach it feels like it's consuming it self and I drink water and I'm trying but it hurts to bad.

I feel really depressed and down cause I know this is all useless I will eventually binge and be back up to my highest weight but now I feel in control only not.

I don't feel in control and that's the fucking problem. I'm scared of people and terrified of food. I can't eat. I can do it. Nothing it will just make me want to purge or take laxatives or harm myself. I really want to cut or burn myself so I can distract myself from the internal emotional and physical pain.

I feel so alone. No one would understand if I told them what was going on. I still have 4 hours left of work and then I work tomorrow too for another 8 hours and then I am supposed to go out drinking with coworkers.

I feel so insecure. My coworker K and I went out last week on Friday and talked for hours and I have a crush on her but she's going through some stuff and also just feel like no one likes me. How could anyone like me as a friend or otherwise.

I am no one's type. I'm fat and disgusting and I hate myself. Even if someone like me for how I am I would have a lot of difficulty being with them cause I really don't like myself.

I want to purge until I see blood. I want to take laxatives even though my stomach is empty. I want to chainsmoke until my mouth is an odorous ashtray I want to bleed and hurt because I feel so out of it.

No one understands and I can't tell anyone I can't burden anyone with my issues or problems. I don't matter. I am nothing and never will be anything.

I'm on my "lunch break" I never eat. Instead I'm crying in the back parking lot and holding myself because I really wish someone would hold me and tell me it's going to get better but it's not.

I am courting death. This will be my end maybe not now but I can't sustain and I can't recover. I so trapped.

I just want someone to hold me but also don't want anyone near me to feel my fatness. I am a planet. I'm a hippo. A sumo wrestler, a whale. I'm so fat and it's killing me so slowly and painfully.

Maybe if I keep crying I'll lose more weight. I hate all of this. I feel so low and down and just out of it and I can't stop it.

Anxiety has me pinned down and paralyzed. I am my own victim and victimizer.


HGC diet?
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 18:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gwdij/hgc_diet/

Created: Mon Jun 12 17:55:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gw6l4/laxatives/

[Discussion] Swollen Legs?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | CW:100.8 | BMI:16.34 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 17:55:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gw6fy/swollen_legs/

Created: Mon Jun 12 17:27:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gw13e/fuuuuuuuuck/

[Other] All of this: less than 3000cal, less than $40. Aldi gives me life (2860cal total)
/u/_lithelife [5'5 | cw110.8 | -44 | gw106 | *formerly _pizzagirl*]
Created: Mon Jun 12 16:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvqd4/all_of_this_less_than_3000cal_less_than_40_aldi/

[Help] TW: I started cutting again after several months clean.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 16:22:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvniq/tw_i_started_cutting_again_after_several_months/
And I cut a lot (for me), too. I just want to be emotionally numb. And at the same time I am restricting my food intake. I seriously cannot take what life is throwing at me right now and stay stable. I am having a crisis, I am having a breakdown. My next therapy appointment isn't for another 3 days. My goal is just to survive until then (i.e. not sit in a running car in my closed garage until I die). I have no one to go to because my crisis involves my only friend. Help.

[Rant/Rave] One day doesn't make a damn of difference.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 16:15:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvltx/one_day_doesnt_make_a_damn_of_difference/
And that can be such a good thing.

One day doesn't make a difference, good or bad. You didn't get to your HW in one day or your UGW in one day either.

One bad day will pass. It's when one turns into two, two into four, four into 'I'll start Monday', which turns into 'Just one last time' and 'I'll be perfect....starting tomorrow.'

Just keep one day at one day and things will move on.


I'm trying to hammer this into my head again right now. I've been so good and had a bad day. There is no reason to bring it into tomorrow. It's done. I'm moving on.

[Rant/Rave] Lol shopping for clothes makes me wanna die
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: feels bad | GW: 120 | -15 lbs]
Created: Mon Jun 12 15:48:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvfwm/lol_shopping_for_clothes_makes_me_wanna_die/
went to the mall to get a graduation dress. Ended up getting the dress but also wanted to try on some shorts. Tried on the shorts. You ever forget about how much you hate your body but then something practically punches you with the realization again. That happened. If whales had thighs, I'd be the poster child for them.

[Discussion] Cutesy Meal Plans
/u/milky_toast [๐Ÿ„ 5'1" | 108.0 | 21.31 | -76 | F ๐ŸŒธ]
Created: Mon Jun 12 15:46:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvff7/cutesy_meal_plans/
Sooo, I'm super anal, and I keep a detailed planner, and I have a list for literally everything (SO's favorite things, books to read, movies to watch, long term to do, short term to do, etc) and since I came up with a new meal plan, I of course had to make myself a cute little notes page for it. It looks like this:

๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒต Summer Plan ๐ŸŒต๐ŸŒธ

M, T, W, TH (500kcal)
- 8 oz coffee - 5 โ˜•๏ธ
- 2 x Stevia - 10 ๐ŸŒฑ
- 1/2 C Almond Milk - 15 ๐ŸŒฐ

- 1 C Spinach - 7 ๐ŸŒฟ
- 1/2 Tomato - 6 ๐Ÿ…
- 1/6 Cucumber - 7 ๐Ÿฅ’
- 1 T Dressing - 25 ๐Ÿฅ—
- 1/2 Tilapia Fillet - 35 ๐ŸŸ

- 2 rice cakes - 100 ๐Ÿ˜
- 4 strawberries - 20 ๐Ÿ“
- 1 x Stevia - 5 ๐ŸŒฑ
- 1 pack cookies - 100 ๐Ÿช
- Vitamins - 20 ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป

- Dinner (?) - 150 ๐Ÿด
- 64 oz Water ๐Ÿ’ฆ

Total: 505โœจ

F, S, S (1000kcal)
- 8 oz coffee - 5 โ˜•๏ธ
- 2 x Stevia - 10 ๐ŸŒฑ
- 1/2 C Almond Milk - 15 ๐ŸŒฐ
- Breakfast (?) - 190 ๐Ÿด

- Lunch (?) - 190 ๐Ÿด

- Snacks (?) - 190 ๐Ÿด

- Dinner (?) - 190 ๐Ÿด
- Alcohol (?) - 200 ๐Ÿฅƒ
- 64 oz Water ๐Ÿ’ฆ

Total: 995โœจ

Weekly Total: 5,000kcalโœจ
Daily Average: 714 kcalโœจ

M, W, F, Sun: ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ
20-30 minute yoga flow

T, TH, Sat: ๐Ÿ‘Ÿ
20-30 minute jog/walk

Goals: โœจ
100lbs by 7/15 ๐ŸŒธ
90lbs by 9/01 ๐ŸŒบ

Rewards: ๐Ÿ†
3 pairs black skinnies
2 pairs khaki skinnies
2 pairs multicolored skinnies
Ballet flats
7 new bras (that fit!!)
10 pairs cute panties
5 pairs comfy boy short panties
VS leggings
Hair skin nails vitamin
Evening primrose oil
New loofah
Body wash
Big sketch spiral for anatomy class

Yes I'm ridiculous ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

BUT-- I wanted to know if you guys have any cute meal plans written or typed out, or if you keep a bullet journal, etc!!

[Rant/Rave] I am so dumb
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 120 | 18.78 | 20F ๐ŸŒผ]
Created: Mon Jun 12 15:29:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gvbge/i_am_so_dumb/
I just went to the gym for 3 hours, ran for an hour, swam for an hour, and did weights for an hour. Super proud of myself etc etc.

Made chocolate pudding & ate half the pan at midnight.

[Rant/Rave] Fear of Exercise
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:43:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gv0m5/fear_of_exercise/

[Other] Helter Skelter - A psychological horror manga/comic that I think everyone here can relate to.
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:29:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gux3p/helter_skelter_a_psychological_horror_mangacomic/

[Rant/Rave] Day 6, I feel so disconnected.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:26:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6guwh4/day_6_i_feel_so_disconnected/
On mobile flair as rant/rave

I haven't had anything solid in 6 days. I still feel like there is food in my stomach and despite the scale showing a slightly smaller number every morning I still feel bloated.

The last three nights I have drank with coworkers after closing up the restaurant, twice next door where I only had a shot of tequila and a whiskey with rocks I nursed for an hour.

Saturday I partied a bit in the trendy neighborhood of Seattle and had a lot of wine and smoked a bunch of pot and still woke up feeling lighter.

I don't feel like drinking has invalidated my fasting efforts because I've probably consumed less than 500 on the days I have probably 300 or so. I don't know about saturday.

I have no idea what my real TDEE or BMR is because I don't really know how much I burn at work. I walk 3 to 4 miles round a trip day on work days to and from work plus being on my feet for 8 hours cooking.

I am scared to eat anything at this point. The thought gives me anxiety. My coworker who I partied with Saturday also has a lot of disordered eating habits and we have talked a bit about the calories in everything at work and purging cause they purge quote a bit, thus they are 90lbs or so.

Last night I felt so tempted to take home some vegan Mac and cheese we had left over from our weekend special but my coworker told me I'd regret it and it wouldn't be fun to purge if I intended to do that.

It's great to know another person who knows similar struggles but I also feel like I need my strictness because I don't want my coworker to think I'm faking it when I am not. I would never wish ED stuff on anyone and it breaks my heart every time I heard about someone in my life struggling.

My stomach is in a giant knot. I don't feel faint but it's hard to keep my eyes open. I'm trying to keep my appetite suppressed with caffeine and smoking cigarettes.

I know not eating is nothing to be proud of. Frankly I think it's fear and anxiety that keeps me from eating not will power. I can bring myself to be in a grocery store for longer than 5 min to get a sugar free energy drink. So I can't really shop or buy food.

I have two more full work days and I don't really know how I'm still going. I enjoy the calmness and this empty feeling. I feel disconnected and yet hyper aware of everything around me. People. Sounds
Sensations. Textures. I feel sort of high off the 3 depravity.

I don't know how much longer I can go on. I know I have quite a bit of fat and muscle that my body could consume for energy so I don't feel like I need to introduce anything else.

Sorry for this long rant. You are all beautiful and lovely.

Send good vibes to me.


[Help] A Diet Plan
/u/CouldNotLoadUsername [13|F|Prof-Diagnosed|AN]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:09:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gusjf/a_diet_plan/
So today I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, pretty big news, but I don't feel like it's anything dreadful. The only thing that's really haunting me is my diet plan. I'm 13 (5'/92lbs) and am in no way underweight. The doctors I saw today forced me onto an eating plan and honestly, it's doing me a lot more harm than good.

I've been forced to eat copious amounts which has put tremendous stress on me, which is something my old personal diet didn't do. And I physically can't, well I mentally can't, eat the food. I know how many calories is in the things they're making me eat and it's going to make me gain so much. I don't know how to eat everything without having a breakdown every bite which is what's been happening.

I just need some help on how to get over it, my brain doesn't want to stop because of the fear of weight gain but I know I need to eat. I want someone to tell me that I'm fat and that eating on a weight gain diet is going to be nothing but bad for me and I don't know why.

[Thinspo] Model thinspo: Emily Doll
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:07:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gurxo/model_thinspo_emily_doll/

[Discussion] Timing your EC stack?
/u/saptashati [5'6" | 153.6 | 24.6 | 26.4 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 14:04:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gur66/timing_your_ec_stack/
So I've been EC stacking for a bit and although it usually works, the effects run out by 7 p.m. My problem is that after 7 p.m. I tend to eat larger meals in the evening and ruining all of my progress! Should I take my EC stack in the afternoon to prevent this? I'm not a big breakfast person anyway so I can probably keep myself from eating in the morning. Anyone have advice or experience?

[Discussion] Not sure if this is a permissible goal or not
/u/AmberMoonstone [141.8 | 23.4 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:51:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gunye/not_sure_if_this_is_a_permissible_goal_or_not/
So, as of lately, I've found myself in a bit of a rut. My depression, (combined with a bit of a pot problem) has led to some dark days. I typically find comfort in food, a trait I learned from my mom as a kid. Now that I have a car and my own money, I have found myself drowning my sorrows in fast food and ice cream.

In the past two months, my diet has gone down the drain. As a result of this, my stomach has *not* been pleased with my behavior. I have stomach issues, which is a polite term that means that I shit unholy hell on most occasions.

A goal of restricting and eating healthier is that I hope to actually enjoy pooping again. Anyone else understand?

[Help] Afraid I'm re-entering b/p cycle :(
/u/Neatsfoot [5'8" ๐Ÿ]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:45:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gumoc/afraid_im_reentering_bp_cycle/
I had a solid week and a half of no b/p and I broke today.

I feel so nauseated. I want to purge, but I haven't had hardly any fluids and know it will be awful.

What do you do when you feel like this? I need some support rn :(

[Discussion] Got Psyllium husk pills today
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'11" | CW 155 | GW 145 | -10 | F | vegetarian]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:37:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gukub/got_psyllium_husk_pills_today/
On Amazon it was 500 for $15 so I ordered them and they came today.

I took three, drank 32 ounces of water even though 8 is the minimum, and am now half naked on the exercise bike with a mud mask on.

I can't help but laugh and keep biking the thigh fat away. Anyone have experience with Psyllium husk pills?

[Rant/Rave] Looking towards thanksgiving already
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Mon Jun 12 13:32:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gujky/looking_towards_thanksgiving_already/
I've been plugging stuff into losertown that I think by thanksgiving break I could be underweight enough that my parents will yell at me and maybe I'll snap out of this and people will worry and I'll be comfortable eating at maintenance.

I'm dreaming of coming back to school for finals week and maintaining but still doing IF, so just going home after crazy long library days and eating a whole pizza plus fruits and veggies and nut butters and crackers, or like making a full box of mac and cheese and still having calories left over. In 6 months I can go home and flip a switch and go from the fat girl who only eats salad to the super skinny girl who eats nothing but shit food and everyone wonders how she doesn't gain weight.

Hahaha it works like that in my dreams. I know maintenance won't be that easy once I get there but I'm kind of hoping my parents will threaten my tuition or something to scare me into it. If not I'll probably be inpatient by Christmas at this rate.

Something about not seeing my family for months at a time makes this all the more addictive. Like I want them to *notice* every time. I want to plan out their reactions every time, when they'll say I look great, when they'll start to worry, when they'll tell me to stop. Can anyone else relate to that?

[Rant/Rave] I am so fucking tired of making excuses to judgemental 7 year olds about why I'm only eating popcorn for lunch
Created: Mon Jun 12 12:50:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gu9co/i_am_so_fucking_tired_of_making_excuses_to/
ugh sometimes working with kids sucks

[Rant/Rave] Thankful for coffee
Created: Mon Jun 12 12:38:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gu6hk/thankful_for_coffee/
Today I'm feeling so overwhelmed with life and exhausted because I can't make myself eat (which I'm honestly grateful for, I've dropped 2 lbs this week!). However, I'm taking summer classes and working part time and I planted a garden and I have so many social responsibilities that I'm absolutely dead 24/7 and people keep being so rude about the fact that I'm out of it.. I wouldn't be standing without coffee today!!!!! Anyone have any tips to stay awake/not exhausted?

[Rant/Rave] Okay so I've been away for a while because I've been doing well. Less anxiety. More smooth sailing. Steadily losing weight without b/p. And feeling really good. Until I needed to be in a leg brace. Every single day I see this fucking blob and I want to throw up. Why won't it go away???
/u/hazelconner [5'4" | 174.5 | 33.2% BF | -15.5 | X/F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 12:32:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gu57g/okay_so_ive_been_away_for_a_while_because_ive/

[Other] [Other] Underweight for surgery?
/u/retrosensibility [5'3 | CW 118 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:54:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gth37/other_underweight_for_surgery/
I was wondering if anyone has had experience getting surgery while underweight, does it affect anything? I'm getting a breast lift in late July and I want to be at my gw so they don't sag when I restrict more haha. My gw is just slightly underweight for my height range, so I'm hoping that won't cause any problems. Thanks in advance!

[Rant/Rave] Fucking changes of plans screwing me up
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:41:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gte26/fucking_changes_of_plans_screwing_me_up/
Not expecting anyone to care, this is just kinda ED r/offmychest.
Yesterday I made it my plan to do liquids only. Water, tea, coffee, maybe soup. I am so sure I would've been able to do so, yesterday. But I was out with my mom and she wanted food, so we went to a restaurant, so I was like this day's gone to shit so I ate and ate and ate all day. I purged but not everything.

So now I want to do yesterday's plan today, but idt I'll make it๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

[Help] DAE prefer tiny cookware for themselves? Where to find? :C
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:34:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gtc9y/dae_prefer_tiny_cookware_for_themselves_where_to/
I have no idea where I can find affordable tiny pots and pans for myself for careful portioning

My only idea was to order from Japan which is not cost efficient lol

I don't THINK the local Asian markets have tiny cookware. I know they have bowls and utensils and plates n stuff and regular sized cookware

[Help] Caffeine and something in the morning
/u/laika_206 [5'9 | 132 | 19.14 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:33:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gtc0s/caffeine_and_something_in_the_morning/

[Help] question about sagging
/u/okokokstop [5'2.5 | CW122 | GW109 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 10:27:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gtaqx/question_about_sagging/
Hi all. Been lurking for awhile, first post. I was hoping you could answer a question about sagging breasts.

Is there a chance the sagging/loose skin could get better after a year or two? Mine is bad and I'm still losing so it will get worse. I'm 5' 2.5" and my highest weight was I think 148. Spent the most time in my adult life at about 130. I'm in my 30s now. About 4 years ago I got down to 116 but was only there for a few months, then came back up to 135, and now I'm at 124. I'm guessing my boobs are so bad despite the relatively small range of weights I have had because 1) bad genes as far as skin elasticity; 2) started off kind of saggy 3) I gain weight easily in my boobs; 4) lots of gaining and losing over the years.

If I were to get to a low weight and actually maintain it for longer, is it possible the skin could tighten up? Anyone have experience with this?

I don't care about having great boobs. I just don't want them to be a pile of thin wrinkly skin forever.

I'm motivated this time to stay at a lower weight because I've been at this long enough to know that I just can't be okay with life at the higher weight. And I'm losing now even though I'm super depressed (which was always my biggest obstacle) so maybe I can actually stick with it.

[Rant/Rave] (Tw: self harm) I don't feel valid
Created: Mon Jun 12 09:59:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gt44x/tw_self_harm_i_dont_feel_valid/

[Help] I am so sick of this :( [help]
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.58 | -20 | UGW 110 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 08:28:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gsjpv/i_am_so_sick_of_this_help/
After being stuck in a restrict/binge cycle for the last 4 months and maintaining 130 all that time, in the last 2 weeks I finally pulled myself together and dropped to 126(!!)

But then my uni exams finished and I went way overboard with "treating myself" and have gained back to... you guess it, 130.

I'm so fed up with hating myself and looking like a disgusting fat chunk of lard. At the start of the year I was 145 and set a goal of 120 for a festival I'm going to next week, which I thought would be easy, like it's only 25lbs in SIX MONTHS but no I failed and I'm gonna look so gross next to all of my teeny tiny friends. I wanted to have a body I was proud of so I could wear super cute skimpy festival clothes and properly ENJOY myself but no.

I'm just so sad and defeated. :(

[Thinspo] This is beautiful.
Created: Mon Jun 12 08:27:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gsje7/this_is_beautiful/

[Other] current feelings + thoughts | let's b friends
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 127.4lbs | 20.23 BMI | -11lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 06:18:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gruyk/current_feelings_thoughts_lets_b_friends/
lately I've been really struggling with extremes. I did rly good for the first few months of 2017 with restriction, and I lost like 20+ lbs. I lost two pets (age/incurable illness) around end of march and since then I just crashed. I think I'm just under 130lbs now (gained around 10+) and I've been in such a binging cycle. It's not healthy for me and frankly I want to be restricting again.

I'm going through some personal things where I have a person to impress that I may be seeing soon, and let's just say the odds are not currently on my side. I wanted to ag least be around 115lbs or 110 when I see them, but if that happens soon (within then next month) it's very unlikely I'll be able to wear what I want and impress.

I also need to drink more water and take better care of my skin since I easily get stress and body acne.

Right now I feel like I don't have a lot of friends who also struggle with ED's (I have EDNOS) so I feel alone like I have nobody to talk to, or nobody that's in a similar place. I'm going to go back to restricting within the next few days hopefully, but I just wanted to let some things out and if you wanna b friends we can exchange iMessages or something and talk about other interests idk

I'm super tired rn, bye guys

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! June 12, 2017
Created: Mon Jun 12 06:14:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gru80/weekly_stats_update_june_12_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for June 12, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 12, 2017
Created: Mon Jun 12 06:14:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gru76/daily_food_diary_june_12_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 12, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] I had a strange weekend.
/u/Skinnytw [5'6 | 109 | 17.57 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 05:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6grp99/i_had_a_strange_weekend/
Me and my boyfriend visited some friends, who are actually more acquaintances, this weekend. It is a couple, and they are both very attractive people. I have always looked up to the girl of the couple. She is gorgeous, long, very thin, always happy and everyone likes her ... I remember helping her when she had to throw up at a party some years ago and resting my hand on her shoulders and feeling only bones. I was so jealous. Her body was goals. It might make sense to point out that she is bisexual and her boyfriend is OK with her dating girls.

We drank some alcohol and it got a bit out of hand. We ended up in their hot tub somehow. She whispered things like "you are so cute" and "I think you're sexy" in my ear. I ended up making out with her (with our boyfriends watching and cheering). When I think back, I feel like this was a dream. It wasn't me... It wasn't my confidence I was wearing.

Anyway, I talked about it with my boyfriend. He said: "you are smaller than her. Not only smaller, but also skinnier. Your waist is smaller." But holy cow. She was so hot.

I am flying. I feel like I'm on drugs....

She made me bicurious, I think.

[Discussion] The Vacation Diaries Day One
/u/TheManyArchetypes [5'7.25"|134lbs|20.83|-74|F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 04:43:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6grg66/the_vacation_diaries_day_one/
Well today I woke up at the cabin on the lake. I am with my husband and his family. We will be fishing and I can't wait to kyack! I hope to stay pretty active this week.

I had a rough couple of days where I ate far too much. To the point I have found myself awake at 5am with a very upset stomach. I took a zantac and hope that helps. At least I finally don't feel like eating!

I'm posting in a hope to keep myself accountable. My goal is to keep my intake to 1400-1600/day. I really fucked up my good track record on mfp by becoming a garbage disposal for two days. My period is due any second so I of course blame hormones. I am not going to try to restrict to compensate like I normally would. I have to just let it go.

I'm going to grocery shop today and get myself veggies and fruit to snack on. I will track everything for the rest of vacation. I was at 130lbs on Friday and right now my goal is 128. I am so goddamn close.

Anyone else on vacation or have to put up with a change in routine that effects your eating routine?

It's 5:45am and I really need some coffee. I guess I'll be the first one up!

[Rant/Rave] To that friend I get green eyed with jealousy for (shit writing/personal)
Created: Mon Jun 12 03:39:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gr795/to_that_friend_i_get_green_eyed_with_jealousy_for/

You know, I'd kill to have your genes. I know damn well it's genes because your whole family is thin-a family of stick figures. You're thin and the skeletal frame is natural to you-it's so fitting, it's so you. Your petite form draws others in and plays on their need to protect you. Your enthusiasm is youthful, playful and childlike, so fucking infectious. You will probably even age beautifully, with the frame of a child, lithe body of a fairy, delicate and soft, wispy and fragile.

You're one of the many people that bring out the green eyed monster in me. You're my friend- or maybe just an acquaintance I happened to cross paths with-who the fuck knows.

I just know you serve as a reminder of what I'm killing my own body for. My frame is bulky, too big, imbalanced and awkward. I have the limbs of someone who should be able to carry the weight of the world but all I want to do is to be crushed by it.

There's a constant storm in me that threatens to swallow me whole unless I manage to somehow subdue it-I guess this is how I stay afloat. Self harm, and self sabotage are just synonyms of self love to me.

I envy people like you. How does it feel to not be filled to the brim with self hate? How does it feel to embrace the beauty that is solely yours? To allow yourself to live reckless, bold, and loud and permit yourself to embrace every aspect of your personality with grace and be able to stand tall, to feel like you don't take up the space you didn't want to take up? The need to keep chipping away at your own body, chiseling it down to the bone and sleep every day refusing to think of the future because it's far too scary? to inflict blows upon blows on your physical form but keep on this ugly path because it validates you, makes you feel so far from your own core?

You can eat and drink, laugh, and be merry without the fear of gaining weight and I'm jealous more than I ever thought I was. I'm steps behind you but I'm miles ahead of you in my own damn self destruction.

[Rant/Rave] something to rant about, something to rave too
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 03:20:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gr4yb/something_to_rant_about_something_to_rave_too/
Sooooo my boyfriend was kinda an asshole last night. (This is a semi-longish story, sorry in advance). He was out fishing all day yesterday, which is fine, except he came home at like, 9 instead of 6 like he said. I have to get up at 5:15 for work, so that's usually my bedtime. I'm an old lady, whatever. lol.
So he then decides that he has to vacuum seal all the fish he caught. And the damn thing isn't working and he has to do it like ten times and I cant sleep because I'm a suuuuper light sleeper (he knows this). Finally he gets done, takes a shower, gets into bed and I feel myself finally falling asleep... ive been trying to for *an hour* now. And then he's playing on his phone, and the damn thing is set to where it clicks when he types. SOOOO I still cant sleep. I glare at him and say, "Turn it off.." He goes "fuck this" and goes to sleep in the guest bedroom. Like... what?? Its a fucking switch on the side of your phone! Is that too much to ask? So I cried for like an hour, couldn't fall asleep, woke up with a headache...But I'm down a pound and have no appetite because I'm still upset/pissed off, sooo rave?
If you read this whole rambly whiney thing, thank you. I just needed to vent. :(

[Rant/Rave] Shame from a shirt that didn't fit.
/u/SkinnyWaifu [5'3 | fat | WL: -17.4 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 12 02:07:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gqw9a/shame_from_a_shirt_that_didnt_fit/
I was on a very short vacation with my boyfriend, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend (she is beyond tiny and honestly, body goals imho). I didn't think I was -that- much bigger than her. I thought /maybe/ 20 lbs heavier. I didn't bring any "nice looking" clothes with me, so I asked to borrow a cute top of hers. It was a medium which I can usually wear comfortably. I went to the bathroom to put it on, excited that she and I wore close to the same size and.. I couldn't even get it past my shoulders??? I thought for a good 5-10 minutes I somehow was putting it on wrong, as it was kind of a weird design. But no matter how I tried to put it on, it squeezed my arms and I literally could not fit in it without ripping it. I was so ashamed. Going out there and saying, "It doesn't fit" broke me internally. I never want to eat again but at the same time I came home and drank then binged on pretzels. It doesn't help that we visited family while we were there, I'm sure many can relate, that means lots and lots of food. Someone hold me.
[Intro] I HATE dinner
Created: Mon Jun 12 01:53:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gqum8/i_hate_dinner/

[Discussion] Do you count calories or nah?
/u/MidnightBlueFox [5'5 | CW: 136lbs | BMI: 23 | -14lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 23:27:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gqalc/do_you_count_calories_or_nah/
I'm reallllyyy bad at keeping track of my calories. I will only keep track on My-Fitness Pal for a week or so and then stop for a month. However, the weird thing is that I never lose weight when I count. I'm not sure why. Maybe I underestimate the amount I'm consuming? Maybe it's because I get really upset when I watch the numbers climb throughout the day and sometimes binge because of that? I'm not sure...
I think I always have an *idea* of my calorie intake, but I never record the specific amount.
Anyways, I always lose the most weight when I don't count. Anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] Finally. A week (almost) binge-free.
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 22:30:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gq1yd/finally_a_week_almost_bingefree/
You probably don't remember, but over recent months I'd repeatedly posted that I was finally going to stop binging and restricting in cycles. EVERY WEEK I thought it would definitely be different that week. And week after week, it wasn't.

Well finally, I got close enough. My typical pattern, remarkably similar most weeks, has been to restrict Mon-Wed, lose control and binge until maintenance-ish for the day on Thurs, and then binge my heart out Fri-Sun because I was disappointed about messing up Thursday. Usually, this lead to maintaining my weight for the week, but sometimes I gained and sometimes I lost. I can't describe how emotionally exhausting it has been. I've felt absolutely drained.

I'm not sure what changed, but I semi-succeeded this week! I restricted Mon-Wed as usual. I kept expecting the uncontrollable binge to maintenance on Thursday, but I went to bed without it. But then I couldn't sleep, and, lo and behold, I binged on 1361 calories at 2AM Friday morning. But rather than throw in the towel and stuff my face until Monday, I just set my app to a half a pound less strict for the week (still a substantial deficit), put the binge all on Friday's log, and ate very light once day came around. And I stayed within my new weekly limit through Sunday!!

I'm SO happy. I finally feel like I have a little control again! Now I just have to make an agonizing decision about how many calories per day to let myself eat this week. I know there are SO many strong reasons I need to eat more for a few weeks, but my brain is scrambling to invent any reason possible against it because I'm terrified to do it. :-/ But so far, it's looking like I may need a high restrict or maintenance week...

Thanks for listening to my dumb ramblings! โค๏ธ Have a wonderful start to your week. ๐Ÿ˜€

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Flying high on comments from boyfriend today
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Sun Jun 11 22:26:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gq1dv/rave_flying_high_on_comments_from_boyfriend_today/
After picking me up while goofing around: "You're so light, I can just throw you around like it's nothing!"

In the shower (๐Ÿ˜): "Water is pooling up in your little collarbone holes!"

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ keep 'em coming, bucko.

[Tip] Starting pro ED diet today--will it work? tips pls
Created: Sun Jun 11 22:25:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gq15s/starting_pro_ed_diet_todaywill_it_work_tips_pls/

[Discussion] Does any one else feel nauseated during restricting?
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 21:47:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpv6d/does_any_one_else_feel_nauseated_during/
Every time I get myself under control and eat less than 750 calories, I go to bed so nauseated. I never vomit but it makes it so uncomfortable and nothing really helps.
If you guys have any suggestions to get rid of this please please let me know!

[Help] Tips for not binging?
Created: Sun Jun 11 21:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpp5m/tips_for_not_binging/

[Help] Is exercising while restricting even worth it?
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sun Jun 11 21:06:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpo5g/is_exercising_while_restricting_even_worth_it/
Hello! So I've been thinking about taking up exercise again these days. The main reason for this is that summer vacation is two weeks away and I won't be moving as much, if not at all. I also remember fondly the time (2 months ago lol) where I used to wake up early and go for a run. It was a pleasant feeling, and I want it again. Besides, I want to avoid looking skinny fat once I reach my GW and I want to start healthy habits early.

But I don't want to give up restriction either, I don't think I'm ready. I'm planning on going for a walk/run every morning and doing a bodyweight routine 3x a week. I don't want to exercise until I faint either, I just want that feeling back, you know?

But is it even worth it? Will it change anything, as in how much muscle I'll lose and how I'll look in general, even though I'm not eating enough? If anybody else here is in the same situation, I'd be glad to hear your experiences!

Thanks! :)

[Rant/Rave] Eff the food police!
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Sun Jun 11 20:22:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpgpq/eff_the_food_police/
My mom does this when I visit and I can't stand it. Where she *always* feels the need to question or make remarks about what I do and don't eat.

*Really that's all you're going to have?*

*You've barely had anything today.*

*Well if you're not feeling well you need protein.* (hands me 2-3 already open cheese sticks or something like that)

*Here, I made you a plate.* (proceeds to hand me a mountainous pile food I didn't want on a full-size plate.)


Just frustrates me to almost be guilted into not wasting the food she paid for or have to endure an endless barrage of commentary. I'm not even small, stop trying to keep me from finding my own inner peace.

[Rant/Rave] Do you picture a future without your ed?
Created: Sun Jun 11 20:03:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gpddw/do_you_picture_a_future_without_your_ed/
Whenever I daydream about what I want my life to be like... I go to my preferred uni, i move to Sydney, I become an engineer and adopt cute little babies... my ED is nowhere in sight. Idk what I think will happen. Realistically I'll either get so sick I'm treated, or just.... stop, and both of those seem so unrealistic rn. I feel like I'll always be in this cycle of getting down to a semi worrying weight, then gaining again until I'm healthier. But when I imagine the future I'm just effortlessly skinny and don't have any body issues

unrealistic I know

[Rant/Rave] Anon Tumblr message today: "u got fat lol"
Created: Sun Jun 11 19:37:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gp90x/anon_tumblr_message_today_u_got_fat_lol/

[Rant/Rave] I haven't been able to weight myself since May; I will be able to Friday and I'm terrified
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sun Jun 11 19:03:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gp312/i_havent_been_able_to_weight_myself_since_may_i/
I even tried to use one of those shitty gas station quarter ones but it was broken ;-; I'm freaking out what if somehow I gained 20lb? I can trust my eyes but it looks like I gained. I'm freaking out so bad in my head and i can't stop ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

[Other] Reporting live, from the bathroom floor
/u/AntioxidantOpium [5'9" | 100.2lbs | 15 BMI | -70lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 18:34:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6goxyn/reporting_live_from_the_bathroom_floor/
It's been a minute since I've lurked around this sub.
I'm currently shirking the cleaning duties from my latest b/p, and I'm laying on the floor until I feel well enough to get up a choke down a potassium pill because my heart is trying to escape lol.

How is everyone doing? I hope all is relatively well for a Sunday afternoon in June? (-:

Edit: took the pill with a homemade frappe (!!) and have begun the cleaning process. I hate cleaning vomit ):

[Discussion] can you lose body fat just by eating very little + not exercising?
Created: Sun Jun 11 18:13:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gotxz/can_you_lose_body_fat_just_by_eating_very_little/

[Rant/Rave] I'm losing a kilo a week but it doesn't seem fast enough.
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 18:01:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gorrn/im_losing_a_kilo_a_week_but_it_doesnt_seem_fast/

[Goal] I bought "goal shorts" today and I'm not sure how good of an idea it was.
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Sun Jun 11 17:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6golfq/i_bought_goal_shorts_today_and_im_not_sure_how/
I found some shorts I liked today at the thrift store, and since they're the only style/size of their kind, bought them even though they're too small. They're probably only one size too small, in that I can get them on and button them, but they're too tight and not comfortable and I definitely wouldn't want to wear them out anywhere.

My goal weight is seven pounds away. I figure I'll fit into them by then, and if not, they were five bucks. I'll live.

I just don't know if the whole "goal clothes" thing is the best for me mentally. I feel great when I shrink out of stuff, but I don't know how I'll feel the other way around.

What's y'all's experience with that kind of thing?

[Rant/Rave] food videos - mini rant
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 130lbs | 21.07 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 15:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6go3qo/food_videos_mini_rant/
All over Facebook/Insta they have the food tutorials - and I'm obsessed with watching them. Something about them is so mesmerizing. Probably because I love/hate food.

It's great for getting ideas for recipes, and I think it's brought back a culture of cooking at home rather than going out.

But on some of them: They say "only 250 calories a piece" - and I'm like, "Bitch, I can count calories in my sleep. And if you think that's 250 calories I'll see you when you're 250 pounds."

[Thinspo] Red Velvet Wendy ๐Ÿ’•
/u/sevenandthree [161cm | GW 45kg | 25F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 15:18:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnwn8/red_velvet_wendy/

[Discussion] What are your ideal body measurements?
Created: Sun Jun 11 14:39:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnoom/what_are_your_ideal_body_measurements/
I'm currently 5'6, 115 lbs, 31"/24"/33". I'd like to be 98 lbs, and whatever stats come along with that, but if I was to choose I'd say 30"/22"/31"

Also just out of curiosity, any gals around 5'6 95-100 lbs, what are your stats?

[Help] Does anyone know how many mL of milk (almond) goes into a 12oz takeaway cup?
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Sun Jun 11 14:28:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnmj6/does_anyone_know_how_many_ml_of_milk_almond_goes/
Google says 12 oz is 355mL. But do they put less milk in and then froth it which creates more volume? One espresso shot is 1oz (30mL) so if you have a double shot cappuccino do you track it as 295mL of whatever milk or is that too much/too little? Idk.

Does frothing milk add volume? How do you track your cappuccino calories? The place I get my coffee from uses Almond Breeze Barista Blend which is 60 cal/250mL.

[Rant/Rave] So I binged
Created: Sun Jun 11 14:21:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnl2y/so_i_binged/
My total today will probably be around 2500

fuck that

I swear tomorrow will be good though. I have it all mapped out: Yogurt for breakfast (120), scrambled eggs (140) and a peach (60) for lunch, then taquitos for dinner (310), and a cup of almond milk before bed (30), plus a 3 mile walk (-240). So a net of 420.

I'm starting a new school in the fall and I don't want the people there to see the fat me

[Rant/Rave] appetite: obliterated
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:29:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gnaq7/appetite_obliterated/

[Discussion] Does anyone have experience using drugs to get to their goal weight?
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:25:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gn9to/does_anyone_have_experience_using_drugs_to_get_to/

[Discussion] Does anyone else weigh less when they feel fatter, and weight more when they feel thinner?
/u/scribbledoll [5'0'' | 137 |28 | IDK | Girl? Ish?]
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:16:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gn7zb/does_anyone_else_weigh_less_when_they_feel_fatter/
Before I weigh myself, I ask myself how I feel. Sometimes I feel thinner than usual but then I step on the scale, and it's a higher number. Times when I feel so fat and jiggly, I step on the scale and it's a lower number. It kinda messes with me a little. I like how a pleasant surprise can make me feel better, but if I'm feeling okay about myself and see a higher number... it really sucks.

Edit: In the title, it should be "weigh more" not "weight more", sorry!

[Rant/Rave] Rabies vaccine
Created: Sun Jun 11 13:10:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gn6sr/rabies_vaccine/
So I got bit by stray cat and had to get vaccinated for rabies which was super random and stressful, plus the vaccine involved two big shots in the thigh, one in the arm, and 40+ tiny ones around the bite area so it was painful and miserable.

But since then I've felt literally no desire to eat. It's amazing. It must be the the vaccine since nothing else has changed. Like if health care was free here maybe I would do it again.

[Goal] Bathing suit reality check (before pictures)
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sun Jun 11 12:22:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmwy0/bathing_suit_reality_check_before_pictures/

[Discussion] How do I not turn a maintenance day into a binge week?
/u/welpthatreallysucks [โ™€ 5'4" | โš– 205 | -31lbs| ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmqzm/how_do_i_not_turn_a_maintenance_day_into_a_binge/
My head hurts and I'm exhausted.

I've been netting 0 to 200 calories for about a week.... And I don't do much exercise so that means usually about 300 calories a day.

I feel like this is the feeling when I need a maintenance day but I've never really done that before. I've certainly had binge days that turn into weeks.

I'm going to ensure everything that I eat today is healthy and hearty but I'm really hoping that I don't go overboard and lose control.

How do you keep a maintenance day from turning into a binge day.

Edit: ended the day at: 1037 calories. I would say I did well if half of the calories weren't directly before bed haha.

Now I just hope I can stay strong and in control today.

[Thinspo] [Thinspo] Before/After
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:47:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmpoa/thinspo_beforeafter/

Created: Sun Jun 11 11:46:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmpim/httpwwwmyproanacomuploadsmonthly_02/
http://[Thinspo] Before/After

[Rant/Rave] I live with a girl who has my ultimate goal body but I can't hate her because she's too nice >:(
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmp2z/i_live_with_a_girl_who_has_my_ultimate_goal_body/
She is the epitome of all things goals.

She's artistic, dresses SO WELL/COOL, she's TEENY, thin, perfect hourglass figure, her face is so perfect it's unreal. She just can't look bad. And the icing on the cake is that she has her cute little south African accent because she's from South Africa. (I actually have like 3 south Africans living with me and they're all abnormally pretty?? Like ?? wtf is in the water there)

I want to hate her so bad but I can't because she's so nice. She's literally so perfect and it's so confusing. I love her and am happy for her that she's so beautiful and so kind, but at the same time I want to be her so damn badly. GAHHHHHHH I HATE LIVING WITH PRETTY PEOPLE SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO BE A HERMIT ON MY OWN WITH MAYBE A DOG OR SOMETHING

[Help] I hate myself and am dying
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:29:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmm0q/i_hate_myself_and_am_dying/
Another 3500 Cal binge. I drank so much last night. I am an idiot and ate so much fucking mcdonald's and somehow managed to give myself a concussion and bum my knee. Everything hurts I'm gaining weight and I'm dying and sad ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ™ƒ

[Rant/Rave] I broke my fast, but that's okay.
Created: Sun Jun 11 11:01:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gmg6m/i_broke_my_fast_but_thats_okay/
For the second time this week I end a fast prematurely.

About 44 hours into what was meant to be a 72 hour fast, I ate.

That's okay, though. I'm still at my lowest weight so far, and I will still lose today. I ended up having about 1000 calories, so not too bad?

[Rant/Rave] you guys I fucking love asparagus
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | *CRYING INTENSIFIES* | why | 13.4kg |]
Created: Sun Jun 11 10:07:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gm5cx/you_guys_i_fucking_love_asparagus/
I just ate an entire lb for 99 calories and I'm so full right now. If only I could find out how to sell my kidney, so I could afford more asparagus. Fucking bless.

edit: they're very nutritious too. I've got over 50 percent of my iron covered for the day, just from this one meal :')

[Rant/Rave] What can I do with all the extra skin?
Created: Sun Jun 11 08:10:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6glk0z/what_can_i_do_with_all_the_extra_skin/
Since the last two years I lost 50lbs without exercising. I plan to lose more 10lbs and I already have extra skin. Is there any other solutions apart from exercise and surgery?

edit: sorry for not putting a flair, mobile etc etc

[Discussion] What do you do when you don't have scales?
/u/forestfloorpool [โœถ170cm โ€ข bmi18.3 โ€ข gbmi17.3 โ€ข 24fโœถ]
Created: Sun Jun 11 07:24:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6glco1/what_do_you_do_when_you_dont_have_scales/
I don't own scales, and am not at my parents regularly enough or at appropriate hours to accurately measure my weight. What can I do? My husband will be far too suspicious if I bought scales.

[Thinspo] |Thinspo| Holy wow
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |113.2 | -106.8 | GW: 110 | UGW:100 | 20A]
Created: Sun Jun 11 06:26:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gl4g1/thinspo_holy_wow/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 11, 2017
Created: Sun Jun 11 06:11:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gl2g6/daily_food_diary_june_11_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 11, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Jun 11 06:10:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gl2c2/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Rant/Rave] "You're soooooo hot!" [Rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 57kg | BMI 19.05 |- 16kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:43:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkyxk/youre_soooooo_hot_rave/
Went out last night and my friend comes up to me and was like "honestly you have lost so much weight, you look amazing! You weren't fat before but oh my god! You look so hot! I was thinking about it yesterday when you were wearing your flared jeans at work!"

Yesssssssssssss I'm so happy rn.

[Rant/Rave] Not all calories are created equal
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:15:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkvnb/not_all_calories_are_created_equal/
On mobile so flair as rant rave.

I am still technically fasting in my mind cause I haven't had solid food in like five days or something but this is my second night getting fucked up drunk.

My coworker botched a customer drink and gave me a couple sips of a Moscow mule which is something like vodka and ginger beer and also I samples our in house grapefruit pomegranate Margarita all during my last few hours cause I had a traumatic recall type of moment and needed something to take the edge off

I then hung out with a coworker and we drank with some of there friends mostly preseco or wine or something from a water bottle I think I drank a bit but just feel drunk not full or bloated so I gotta wonder if bodies absurd alcohol calories the same way.

Don't get me wrong I usually fear the hidden calories in alcohol but I feel like I know a lot of people who drink a lot and don't eat much of anything especially they drink and party and are rail thin.

That is kind of one of my goals to just be able to party a lot and not put on weight. I avoided food all day and maybe had to euqiviant of two shots of vodka some ginger beer and a few glasses of wine but I walked a ton so maybe I'm even.

Not looking foreword to checking the scale tomorrow but I was probably still at a deficit cause all my calories came from alcohol pretty much.

I feel like I discovered a cheat code I can be functionally tipsy at work and numb off to clock and not even think about eating. I hung out with some of my coworkers friends and they seemed to like me a bit evened though I looked like shit and got kinda drunk and stoned.

I still feel a lot for K my other coworkers but it seems like R the one I hung out with tonight cares more they asked me to hang out we stayed out late and they got me home safe and even though they have a boyfriend I can see myself being friends with R though I really do want physical chemistry with K because I think K is really sweet and attractive and wonderful but maybe if K doesn't seem how great i can be they doesn't deserve me. I hope I can hang out with R again and their friends.

Anyone else count calories ezcept alcohol? I honestly don't feel that bloated really and just tipsy so maybe alcohol calories won't make be gain weight what if I just do alcohol binges it's unlikely I can binge more than 1000 calories of alcohol without passing out and it takes the edge off so mayne I'm on to something....


[Humor] Let's play some Cards Against Humanity!
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:14:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkvka/lets_play_some_cards_against_humanity/
I made a themed game, join:
10 players, 10 spectators

password: scales

[Tip] These things are perfect for summer, super sweet, cold, kill my ice cream cravings and only 30 kcal ๐Ÿ‘Œ
/u/MetBloedBesmeurd [161 cm | CW 57 kg | BMI 22 | -0 kg | GW 48 kg | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 05:00:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkty1/these_things_are_perfect_for_summer_super_sweet/

[Rant/Rave] How's everyone doing today?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 04:55:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gktem/hows_everyone_doing_today/
I'm feeling weirdly optimistic. Just drank a v8 fusion, I'd forgotten how good they are!! Serving of fruits and veggies plus caffeine, and only 50 calories. ๐Ÿ˜ I've got zero appetite and I just feel like today's going to be a good day. How are y'all?

[Thinspo] Started a thinspo channel on telegram, looking for members and admins! Pm me on @tbhfam for admin
/u/lightfeathers [5'4" | CW 112 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 11 02:00:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gkb6j/started_a_thinspo_channel_on_telegram_looking_for/

[Rant/Rave] Why he gotta be like that UGH
Created: Sun Jun 11 00:59:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gk4ie/why_he_gotta_be_like_that_ugh/

[Other] Water
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sun Jun 11 00:04:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjyf2/water/
Is anyone else oddly grateful for water?? Like everyday I'm here thinking "damn, thank god water is 0 calories". Could you imagine if we had to count it too??

Also you can take it in almost unlimited amounts, it can fill you up, give you more energy, help with water weight and acne and you can also flavor it with tea bags and stuff and just!! I love it!!

I know I'm being way too excited about water but honestly, it's really underrated in first world countries and truly important for many other aspects of our lives.

Now if only I could actually remind myself to drink enough of it lmao.

[Tip] Weird appetite suppressant? I've had a sore throat the post couple days and have been eating these a few times a day and my hunger has been practically non existent since I've started eating them. Has anyone else experienced this?
Created: Sat Jun 10 23:17:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjsmu/weird_appetite_suppressant_ive_had_a_sore_throat/

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else hate working in food service?
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft ๐Ÿ’ฎ CW:128lb ๐Ÿ’ฎ BMI:22 ๐Ÿ’ฎ -40lb ๐Ÿ’ฎ GW:100 ๐Ÿ’ฎ 21F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 22:24:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjlmo/anyone_else_hate_working_in_food_service/
I work in a restaurant and it is the **worst**. I'm surrounded by super calorie dense foods for up to 11 hours a day 5 days a week and it is sooo hard not to binge eveyr time I walk into that place. I've considered quitting just because of how awful it is at times. Lately I've started bringing snap peas or celery to graze on through the day so I don't mess up my restriction, or on days when I'm fasting I load up on water, powerade zero, and zero calorie energy drinks. It's so frustrating because I can't use work to get away from food like I used to. Work **is** food. It feels impossible to not just shove an entire entree and an entire appetizer in my face when I know no one is watching sometimes.

Thankfully, I think my self control is improving, mainly because I can't go home and just purge everything anymore. (I live with my boyfriend in a studio and he is almost always home when I get off of work.) And I won't dare purge at work unless I'm the only woman in the store, just in case.

I wish I had a job where I wouldn't have access to food unless I brought it myself. My life would be so much easier and I wouldn't keep bouncing back to square one. :( End rant.

[Rant/Rave] Oh damn my stomach hurts too much
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sat Jun 10 21:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gjdcx/oh_damn_my_stomach_hurts_too_much/
I ate way too much today and I feel like I'm about to throw up. I don't mean purging, like straight up throwing up because my stomach can't take it. (I've never purged because I'm deathly scared of vomiting. It's the most uncomfortable thing ever and my fear of throwing up is pretty much the only thing that kept me from starting to purge that way, thankfully.)

Anyways, I forgot how painful it feels to binge, both physically and emotionally. At least now that I ate in front of others, they have no reason to think that I'm starving myself the rest of the time and if they ask why i never eat, I'm just gonna bring up this day and how i literally ate the whole damn kitchen. Also if I do get sick and end up throwing up, it'll be as if I didn't eat all this junk, I guess. Bright side, yay...

Ughh this is the last time I swear, I can't even sleep it hurts soo much helpp ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Edit : oh its all right lmao I'm okay now


[Rant/Rave] First day of family vacation off to a...start.
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 20:47:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gj7ro/first_day_of_family_vacation_off_to_astart/
I'm visiting my mom and sister this week and it's going to be really hard but I'm trying. My sister eats a ton and she always wants to go out to eat. My mom always wants me to make her cookies and stuff (sucks being a good cook sometimes).

I tried to suggest some healthier options for the week, and thankfully we'll be having some good fruits and veggies, but for the most part I'm still pretty worried.

Total cals for the day: 1,150. Not what I would want on a normal day, but honestly not the worst!

Just six more days...

[Help] I'm Confused About Sizing
Created: Sat Jun 10 20:05:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gj1g0/im_confused_about_sizing/
Okay, so here's the deal. I'm 5'8" and started off at 205lbs, but I'm now 143lbs. I was a size 16 at the start, but just went shopping for new shorts and a pair of jeans today. I wear size 5 in junior's for the jean shorts and 4 in women's for the jeans. I feel like that's way too small for how heavy I still am. I workout and lift, but don't feel like I have that much muscle. Am I crazy? ๐Ÿ˜ข

[Discussion] How to stop the shakes when fasting?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 19:56:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gj01v/how_to_stop_the_shakes_when_fasting/
I am currently 26 hours into a fast, and I am starting to shake. I've fasted longer than this before, so I know that I can do it. Does anyone know of ways to stop the shakes?

[Other] 72 hour fast
Created: Sat Jun 10 19:21:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gius3/72_hour_fast/

[Thinspo] Ballerinas, I'm obsessed lately tbh
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:51:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gipuq/ballerinas_im_obsessed_lately_tbh/

[Rant/Rave] I just wanna be dainty and tiny
/u/BluestNovember [5'4" | SW: 200+ lbs | CW: too high | BMI: under 40 | -26lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:34:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gimyb/i_just_wanna_be_dainty_and_tiny/
My sister sent me a message over Facebook that said, "because I have some and I'm okay with them" and it was a story about an artist who recorded a song called "Thunder Thighs." I don't think my sister can tell I'm struggling, but all that inspires in me is the thought, "I wanna be tiny and dainty and have such tiny ankles they look like they could snap with a little pressure." I don't want thunder thighs. I know she was trying to be supportive, but man... it triggered me so badly.

[Rant/Rave] Im ๐Ÿ™ƒ going ๐Ÿ™ƒ to ๐Ÿ™ƒ have ๐Ÿ™ƒ a ๐Ÿ™ƒ mental ๐Ÿ™ƒ breakdown ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ
/u/milky_toast [๐Ÿ„ 5'1" | 108.0 | 21.31 | -76 | F ๐ŸŒธ]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:32:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gimp6/im_going_to_have_a_mental_breakdown/
We are so fucking broke. I am out of work for the summer. And SOs job all of a sudden is giving him no hours we are so fucking broke. I wrote out the budget for the next three months and money is so fucking tight. I had to cancel my therapy for the next three months. I basically cannot go anywhere. I have to try to find another job bartending or something at night. I fucking hate food service. Fuck me. We are at the end of our shit with each other, constantly so stressed out and bickering. Just fuck.

But at least my terrible coping mechanisms have kicked in and I've been eating sub 600 kcal a day, and I finally broke 110 and weighed in at 109 yesterday so? Yay?

So yeah. Fuck. Sorry for another rant, but y'all are so nice and I have no friends ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

[Rant/Rave] When did gas stations get so safe?
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat Jun 10 18:31:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gime0/when_did_gas_stations_get_so_safe/
Some amazing things I saw at a small gas station today when I was fearing the worst:

* Calorie labels on all the machines/food (the labels on the pizza/hot dogs scared me away)
* Sugar-free syrups for coffee
* Pre-packaged salads
* Quest bars
* Fruit cups
* Small bags of baked chips/popcorn
* Greek yogurt
* Pretty much any diet soda/energy drink/sparkling water you could ask for

I apparently need to go into gas stations more often.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like nothing matters except how my body looks.
/u/kpatable [5'9"|F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 17:55:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gigcq/i_feel_like_nothing_matters_except_how_my_body/
Every day I'm depressed. I'm on meds. I'm in therapy twice a week. It's so hard to maintain hope that things will get better. And like, I've been depressed since middle school... I'm 25 now. I'm not going to kill myself, but I can't find a good reason to live. It's just so hard all the time.

[Other] Guardian Article - Trigger Warning
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F ๐ŸŒผ]
Created: Sat Jun 10 17:27:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gibg5/guardian_article_trigger_warning/

I have followed Pip's story, told through the words and accounts of her parents, since her death. She was 15.

Reading this article, reading about these failures reminds me of the exact conversations my parents had with medical professionals when I first began suffering from anorexia at 14. I was passed around from pillar to post, never offered therapy or counselling. The focus was entirely on my eating. Nobody ever asked me in a professional setting how I was feeling, despite the fact that internally I was depressed and suicidal. Doctors addressed my parents and not me. My parents in turn were reported to Social services for potential neglect, because what parent can't force their child to eat, right? It was a horrific time.

It's been 10 years and I am still here. I've relapsed several times, but hidden it from professionals and my parents to save their grief and guilt. Nothing seems to have changed in the UK, and it makes me sad. It strikes me that ED sufferers and their families often have far more insight than GPs, nurses and doctors.

Despite the sadness, I just wanted to share the perspective of two parents grieving for their child, and their account of her illness. ๐Ÿ’•

[Help] I'm coming to the UK!
Created: Sat Jun 10 16:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gi54o/im_coming_to_the_uk/
I haven't ever traveled outside of the US so this is really exciting! Are there any things I can be on the lookout for that you can get in the UK and not the US? Obviously ed specific...

[Goal] [goals] YAAAASSSS
Created: Sat Jun 10 16:45:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gi40n/goals_yaaaassss/
I finally hit double digits again and I wasn't even trying to lose!! I THOUGHT I was eating at maintenance, but I guess not?

I could not be happier, though it's a bit strange to me given that I had half of an entire taco bell yesterday


Today I am gonna make myself something I really like as a treat ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’“

I love all of you

[Other] Lost 30 lbs fairly quickly. Still feel enormous.
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 16:29:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gi16z/lost_30_lbs_fairly_quickly_still_feel_enormous/
I don't own a scale and have been tracking my progress with measuring tape. About 4 inches down on the fattest part of my belly which is cool I guess. Weighed myself at my friends house and it looks like about 30 lbs. I still wear the same clothes and some are fitting better/looser but I still feel like I look the same. I don't physically feel any different. The worst is my arms. I think I have loose skin!! I hate wearing tee shirts now not because my arms are still enormously fat, but because they're still big looking from all the skin! Does anyone know if this will go away? I've been at my hw before years ago and lost about 50 before ballooning up again but I do NOT remember loose skin being an issue. What the hell?? Feels like I can't win.

[Humor] Fasting for 8 hours
/u/orgy-of-nerdiness [5'5" | 137 lb | 23.0 | -25 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 15:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghtu0/fasting_for_8_hours/
So I had to make an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound because of pain that might be a gallbladder issue. I called to make the appointment yesterday.

The person making the appointment said I couldn't have anything to eat or drink for 8 hours prior to the appointment. She was then like "um we don't have any morning appointments until the week after next"

Me: what about afternoon appointments?

Her: well you have to not eat or drink for 8 hours

Me: Okay. I'm fine with an afternoon appointment.

Her: you're fine with nothing to eat or drink *for 8 hours?* The earliest I have is 4pm

Me: yeah that's fine

Her: you're *sure?* **Nothing** to eat or drink for 8 hours. Not even water.

Me: yes, really, I understand and I'm fine with that.

So I have an appointment for this Monday rather than having to wait at least another whole week. Based on her response you'd think I was agreeing to subject myself to torture or something.

[Goal] So I'm really proud of myself for a vain reason.
Created: Sat Jun 10 15:47:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghtn7/so_im_really_proud_of_myself_for_a_vain_reason/
My best friend wanted to go to the pool and I agreed to go with her. I planned to fast for two days before that so I could look "hot". That didn't end up happening, but I still had the confidence to put on my swimsuit and drive my ass to the pool. And you know what? I didn't hate my body. I thought I, dare I say it, looked decent. I didn't try to hide my body. I even took a picture at the pool and POSTED IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. I would have never ever even considered doing this months ago, even years ago. I'm just happy that I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with my body. It's a nice feeling and I hope every single one of you can experience it soon <3

[Rant/Rave] The epitome of a rant/rave
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 15:40:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghs68/the_epitome_of_a_rantrave/

I went for a run tonight even tho I was tired af, and i felt AMAZING after. When I got back, I started stretching outside my apartment and I started talking to this guy and he told me how to properly stretch and shit. He said that I can stretch doing a squat all the way down. So I'm like "isn't that bad for your knees?" And he's like "I'm pretty sure your knees can hold your body weight. What are you, 90lbs?"


I almost cried I was so happy. I don't look anywhere near 90lbs :')

Then later in my room, my roommate came in with her friends and they're like talking to me about the army and shit (I'm joining the army) and one girl goes "you're gonna look so pretty in your uniform" and she and my roommate were like "yeah she's really pretty"
Super confidence boost esp cuz I'm in sweaty running clothes and my hair is a mess and I look and smell like shit and I'm not even pretty ???

Whatevs, everyone's judgment is *clearly* off today but I ain't mad.


after all this happiness, how did I react? By binging on cereal, candy, and Doritos of course!!! FML :))

The only reason I'm not completely hating myself rn is cuz I'm still riding off dem post run endorphins.

[Rant/Rave] Apparently it doesn't matter if I purge or not
Created: Sat Jun 10 14:33:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghfkw/apparently_it_doesnt_matter_if_i_purge_or_not/
My body is still going to act like I do.

TLDR; I'm a bee-phobic baby who punches trash cans, date me

I've never done an intro post here because I'm not an interesting human, but I have struggled with disordered eating for a little over 10 years now. I used to purge very frequently, especially the time I relapsed before this one. I am at the point between relapse and """recovery""" where I feel my """"eating disorder"""" is either annoying or kind of funny.

But sometimes it's almost painfully ironic. Like. I haven't been bingeing or purging! I only restrict and even then I have days where I eat anywhere from 1200-3000 calories. But that doesn't seem to matter to my asshole body, who is convinced I need to be reminded just how much quality time I've had with puke.

The first example is Russel's Sign. I never had it, not even when I was purging almost everything I ate. Never, ever had a scab or scrape on my knuckles from purging. And I still don't, but the trash can at work took a giant chunk of skin out of the middle knuckle on my dominant hand, so now I have "Russel's Sign" anyway. Lol @ me ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Secondly, I went out to eat this past weekend and decided that I was going to try my best to eat """"normally""""" aka eat anything without trying to analyze it on a molecular, anthropological, social, moral, or philosophical level aka I ate a portion my friends without eating disorders would eat. But apparently that doesn't matter! All my careful and calculated ease (lol), the time I spent drunkenly looking into my own eyes in the restaurant bathroom mirror (thinking "it's okay honey, the margaritas were worth it" lololol), the desperate attempts to appear normalโ€”it all became a moot point. Literally. Or rather, physically. As soon as I got back to the car, I laughed (picture those white women laughing at salad stock photos, that's the carefree life I was going for) and immediately just... puked? Sort of? It was like I was a little baby getting burped but also the towel the baby gets sick on. Amazing. Sexy. Put Together. That's me!

I predict that somehow, sometime soon, I'll get stung by a bee symmetrically on my face to mimic swollen salivary glands. It's the only logical progression.

[Rant/Rave] I wish every day was like today
/u/poop_dawg [5'8" | CW: 145 | GW: 110 | BMI: 22 | +10lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 14:16:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ghcan/i_wish_every_day_was_like_today/
I woke up, *slightly* hungover. I don't have work today, and my tiny hangover has completely quelled my hunger. I've been laying in my backyard blasting music for hours and it only just occurred to me that I haven't thought about food.

Today is a good day.

[Help] Bad timing, help
Created: Sat Jun 10 13:21:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gh1go/bad_timing_help/

[Rant/Rave] when you're surrounded by normal eaters
/u/nakaiyuri [5' 4.5 // cw: ใ… ใ…  // ๐Ÿ• ๐Ÿ• same๐Ÿ‘username yall]
Created: Sat Jun 10 13:09:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggzd4/when_youre_surrounded_by_normal_eaters/
yesterday, there was a 'mandatory' beach day during work hours and all the interns were essentially forced to go... and i'm trying to maintain a 400cal intake so i put all of this delicious food i haven't seen in a while on my plate ((( fries, bbq chicken, hotdogs, burgers, & the like ))) and i managed to eat the less-caloric parts, for example, eating the sausage, but not the bun of the hot dog, etc.

and i left most of it on my plate!! but it still looked like i ate, so i "blended in"

but then i guess i took the "blending in" too far because i decided to allow myself to have a cookie (wasn't even worth it tbh) and i joked to one of the other interns (who are all guys btw because there are no other compsci girl interns here sadly) to get me more fries *as a joke* but then they all started teasing me about eating **too. much.** when literally they were shoveling 1.5k+++ calories into their mouths whilst i only had a calculated 400!!!!

obviously they were joking and ik they were doing it as an attempt to get friendlier/closer to me -- because they are all really nice peeps -- and i pretended to be embarrassed + laughed it off, but honestly i was furious and ugh now i'm known as the girl who "can't stop eating" ... and it's literally like my third day here

on the bright side: this incident has now fueled in me a more-intensified fixation on fasting / not eating much at work to dispel the notion that i eat a lot on the reg

s i g h can anyone else relate??

[Help] I'm having a hard time
Created: Sat Jun 10 13:02:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggxx1/im_having_a_hard_time/
I keep wanting to b/p more because I'm getting more anxious about starting my actual career. I start my work week next week as a Registered Nurse and I would be orientating and going to classes and I'm just having a hard time, getting anxious, wanting to be dead.

It doesn't make sense how a b/p session can actually solve my problems or whatever but what is logic in ED-world

[Help] not losing any weight ):
Created: Sat Jun 10 12:30:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggrvv/not_losing_any_weight/

[Humor] If every single one of these ain't me
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:51:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggk1d/if_every_single_one_of_these_aint_me/

My sister might have an ED and it's making me jealous.
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggjvv/my_sister_might_have_an_ed_and_its_making_me/

[Rant/Rave] Just a short post of yay!
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 132 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:28:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggfi5/just_a_short_post_of_yay/
I actually managed to stay under 400cal on a FRIDAY and even lost 1.5lbs this week! I'm probably going to eat maintenance on Sunday, but I'm so happy I finally feel like I can control myself at work.

Powerade zero and quest bars are my friends today. โ˜บ๏ธ

I just have to keep steady and hopefully I'll be in the 120s by July. We have a 4th of July event with my bf's family and I wanna show off how good I'll look (since half of his relatives are snooty rich folks and trophy wives) ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

[Rant/Rave] Recovery is hard (whining)
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:18:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggdmy/recovery_is_hard_whining/
TW probably - self harm urges and stuff

I'm supposed to be recovering but all that's happening is I'm getting weak. Lunch was a sandwich, and I ate it because I was weak. I even *enjoyed* it because that's how weak I've gotten and I hate myself. I wish I could starve for days as punishment for enjoying it too much but my parents are going to make me eat again in just a few hours. The greedy pig in me is excited for it. Excited to eat again. I need to kill that part of me with starvation but I can't starve and it's SO FRUSTRATING.

I'm dressed and ready to go for a run or do weights, but part of me promised myself I'd never work out in secret. But I need to do *something*. I need to purge out this greed somehow, but I've never done the whole throwing up thing. I've tried but always failed. I want to carve out my stomach with a knife. Carving myself up has been on my mind for awhile, but I've never been a self harmer and I know it would kill my mom if I started. I just don't know what to do with my fat self. I've got no one to call so here I am ranting.

Edit: spelling

[Other] Dealing w/ weight restoration after years underweight, when underweight was your "normal" for as long as you really recall .... Anyone else still not functioning despite weight rqestoration????
/u/azureice1984 [5'5.5 | FAT | FAT | lost 65ish lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 11:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ggbul/dealing_w_weight_restoration_after_years/
Hey so im weight restored. it took over a year. and it has not been cceptable to me at any time, but i did it of my own volition bc im an adult and my finances and medical stuff need sorted if i do end up dying of this, as i dont want to leave a grieving family a legal nightmare- there was no way i could fix my finances with my brain how it was near my LW.

I struggle to relate to a lot of things i read, its just not relatable. I feel really alone. I cant relate to peopke who weight restore in a few weeks/months, i cant relate to people who can get dressed without crying after weight restoration, or people who can hold down a job and daily sshower anymore (even though i was one for years). Effectively, i was really sick long enough in my last relapseand it fucked up my brain, enough my memory is affected so i literally cant remember functioning. My complications also make it so a lot more things than used to be hard are hard now than ever were.

But im weight restored. And not for barely a week, ok, ive been out of danger zone for almost a year and not underweight for six months, and im near the middle of the bmi's now.

I feel like most of the girls who dont function well on the level i do are still at/near their LWs, and like most who *do* weight resstore and attempt some treatment get a lot more of their functioning and life and health back than i did.

I still cant hold down a jpb, panic attacaks at unexp2cted thingw in the kitchen, need a very safe environment to eat, cant manage hygiene at a socially acceotable level (it's not unsafe, but its embarrassing), saw 1 friend once athis year and 0 friends the year before and the year before that saw my friends once when a then-boyfriend invited my friends to his ssocial gathering bc he knew i hadnt seen them. Yet bc i was so sick befire (daily bping etc), my family is *so fucking glad* that i'm doing "so good." I think im not doing that great and am literalky ashamed that i canthandle even a fraction of what i used to befire my last relpase (about 5-7 years ago i guess, is when that relapse started)....

Please tell me im not alone? Lemme know how it is for you?

Stop the world I wanna get off..about last night and where my heads at.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 10 10:52:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gg8rg/stop_the_world_i_wanna_get_offabout_last_night/
On mobile flair as rant rave.

I'm sorry for the drunk post every it didn't seem well relieved and probably wasn't great. I did some thinking about have been able to reflect since being sobered up now.

Not eating is great cause you get drunk really easy and then the anxiety just goes away. Unfortunately so do inhibitions. I fucked up.

I felt weird hanging out with my coworker because she's really attractive and really sweet and seemed to actually listen to me and I actually got that kind of positive validation I really wanted because truth be told I have no friends.

This was great and all but drunk me decided it was going to great. Fast foreword to being at home and sending some long winded texts about how great it was hanging out and then waking up a bit ago to her responses.

Don't really know what to expect or did expect. I'm still awkward and a weird and no I just feel weird. We don't work side by side really. She's administration and front of house and I cook.

I'm getting to the ED stuff too so hold tight.

With having weird feelings and wanting to be more connected with this coworker because we have a crazy amount in common I also feel shitty.

It feels like fake news. It can't be really I want to think "how dare anyone humanize me or my weakness" ( I told her about my ED but explained I'm functioning or sort of "recovered" ) and so I feel like I'm going to strain this friendship or whatever or eventually blow it.

All the stress makes me want to just seize more control of my body. I need to keep fasting. I know that she knows I'm sick or "was" sick and now I want to get worse before her eyes and I guess for everyone. I want every else to see me suffer because I feel like I deserve to suffer and also because I want people to just know.

I don't really know how to explain it.

I don't feel like I broke my fast even though I did. I am using the same numbers or times as day increments because I don't think a bit of alcohol will make too much of a difference.

I guess I restricted a bit successfully with alcohol but I still feel like in fasting from food and my body won't get any nutrients from the alcohol so it may keep consuming the fat and muscle I do have.

So that's that. Continuing to fast with more motivation than before and feeling hopeful and yet more alienated. Also feeling like I'm towing the line for this weird friendship where I know too much about my coworker so the ship has sailed for any kind of physicality...

So that's how my weekend started...


[Help] Are potatoes really that bad?
/u/pointmass [5'6" | CW:100.8 | BMI:16.34 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:15:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfq4b/are_potatoes_really_that_bad/
Okay, I've been binging nonstop lately. I'm afraid to weight myself... I binged at least 3,000 calories a day for the last 5 days. I mostly ate dry cereal, sushi, mixed nuts, potato chips, and buttery popcorn...

I read somewhere potatoes have high satiety value because it actually contains quite bit of water... should I make some fries or chips out of it to satisfy my cravings?
Anything else I can do?!!

[Help] Calorie restricting when you're already short and small is SO difficult. Any petite girls here with success?
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:14:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfpxt/calorie_restricting_when_youre_already_short_and/

[Rant/Rave] I'm at a cross road
/u/thinkthinlythrowaway [5'1.5 on a good day | CW 129.0 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:09:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfp70/im_at_a_cross_road/
It's like I'm stuck between beginning to be okay and falling deep down the rabbit hole.
I've moved away from home and now no longer have access to a scale, only measuring tape.

And my boyfriend makes food (or occasionally we go out to eat) but it's not where I can obsessively count anymore. And to be fair the food he makes he makes safe for me so I know it won't matter anyways.

I find myself eating more relaxed. I find myself having a donut.

And for a second it's all okay. I'm not sick.

I bought work clothes early this week and I'm a size 6 and got an extra small dress.

For a second I can eat normal and I'm okay.

And then I eat 10 half baked sugar cookies cause I made them and I don't like food waste. And I feel sick and I hate myself and I tell my boyfriend I'll eat while he's at work but we both know that won't happen.

I just im at this cross road where one road is the road I know and the other is new and in the long run supposedly better. But I just don't think I'm ready to do that yet.

[Discussion] Do fidget spinners help prevent binges?
Created: Sat Jun 10 09:02:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfntd/do_fidget_spinners_help_prevent_binges/
so i had a binge streak (1.5k cals a day) and although I didn't gain weight (IK IM SO LUCKY), i decided to go on a fast just as a mental detox. I was doing pretty well but I totally forgot I was fasting and had a bite of a brownie 56(?) hours in.
Ive started another fast. I'm 11 hours in (lol can you tell i'm obsessed with numbers?) and CAN STILL TASTE THE BROWNIE. Yes I've brushed my teeth and downed several glasses of water but I can still taste that brownie. It was so good. It has like a chocolate caramel toffee kind of filling... actually it wasn't even a brownie; it was a blondie. As you can see, I am obsessed.
Anyway my question is will a fidget spinner prevent a binge?

[Goal] Personal achievementโœจ
Created: Sat Jun 10 08:57:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfmwg/personal_achievement/

[Discussion] Phrase Bingo
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sat Jun 10 08:35:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gfj65/phrase_bingo/
I think I won bingo this week! The things my husband has said to me in 7 days

* you look like your losing weight, why?

* no, I get it! You *think* you have an eating disorder

* what are you eating for lunch x3 (via text when I'm at work)

* why aren't you eating (while he doesn't want to eat)

**Let's make a bingo board!**

[Show me what you got](http://i.imgur.com/vSuDOw9.png)

[Discussion] Cream / oils / techniques for loose skin???
/u/bed_warrior [5'10" | 265.8 | 37.08 | -67.2lbs | F 27]
Created: Sat Jun 10 06:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gf0vh/cream_oils_techniques_for_loose_skin/
Hey everyone. I was just wondering if anyone could recommend any products to help with loose skin / stretch marks?

I'm over 50 lbs into a loss and I'm so terrified of loose skin. I know it will happen no matter what because I was obese for so long, but I'm hoping there might be something to help lessen the appearance while I wait for it to tighten up / eventually get cosmetic surgery.

Thanks guys!

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 10, 2017
Created: Sat Jun 10 06:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gex95/stupid_questions_saturday_june_10_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 10, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 10, 2017
Created: Sat Jun 10 06:10:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gex4l/daily_food_diary_june_10_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 10, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Feeling guilty
/u/moomaid_in_the_sea [5'5" | 124.6 | 21.0 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 05:40:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6getgn/feeling_guilty/
(Old poster, new username)

I had 1100 calories yesterday when I planned on 200. It started with a company party where I had salad and pickles but then I had a couple of pieces of bread and I estimated them at 120 cal each. So that's like 350-400 ish, which isn't the worst.

But then I got home, and thought that maybe I needed a little energy because I gave a mud/obstacle 5k this morning and I don't want to be running on fumes and let my partner down. So I had my normal lunch salad (didn't have because of work thing), just without the dressing to save the 83 calories. Up to 700 calories.

Then I thought I might need some actual carbs instead of just vegetables so I had 200 g of pasta. Up to 900 cal.

At this point I'm scouring my cupboard for binge foods but I somehow have the self restraint to only eat the remainder of a jar of PB2 that I had.

1095 calories today, which as I said, isn't the worst. Still had a ~600 cal deficit for the day (I go off of what my running watch says).

My biggest motivations were to not feel like I had a brick in my stomach for the race, and also I want to go to the pool later and don't want to look like a fat piece of shit.

Hopefully back on the wagon. Pretty proud of myself though.


[Goal] What BMI is thin enough?
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Sat Jun 10 05:15:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6geq92/what_bmi_is_thin_enough/

I'm totally comfortable with my body
Created: Sat Jun 10 04:09:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6geisu/im_totally_comfortable_with_my_body/

[Rant/Rave] What the fuck? Why? Just why? Fuck sorry I need to vent.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 10 02:32:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ge8yi/what_the_fuck_why_just_why_fuck_sorry_i_need_to/
on mobile flair as a rant rave whatever

Prefacing this with I am drunk so sorry for the rambling I need to get this out.

So remember how I bitched about being awkward? Well I guess I'm less awkward than I think.

A girl from work and I stayed late to finish up things after a busy night then we got drinks. And talked for like two or three hours like what the fuck. I am getting mixed signals and really like my coworker now but know I'm a fat sac of shit and just I don't know.

I'm drunk and feel guilty about now crushing on a coworker and breaking my fast and just feel shitty I only had one tequila shot and a whiskey with rocks how many calories is that it seems like too much..

I hate myself. I broke my fast and I was doing so well. But now I am thinking about my coworker. We talked a lot and I feel like I talked or shared too much.


[Help] Specialty therapists? TW: talks of self harm and stuff?
Created: Sat Jun 10 02:27:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ge8ex/specialty_therapists_tw_talks_of_self_harm_and/

[Rant/Rave] Company
Created: Sat Jun 10 02:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ge77r/company/

I keep purging and getting bloody noses
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Jun 10 00:28:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdvhy/i_keep_purging_and_getting_bloody_noses/

[Rant/Rave] A Whole Heckin Bottle!
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'3 | CW 166 | 29.41]
Created: Fri Jun 9 23:34:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdoy4/a_whole_heckin_bottle/

[Help] Can we talk about cheese for a second?
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:119 | -13]
Created: Fri Jun 9 22:23:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdfey/can_we_talk_about_cheese_for_a_second/
I have NEVER been the type to eliminate entire food groups EVER, I always just did CICO and I eat whatever I wanted. But now Im like so fucking concerned with possibility of cheese making me gain water weight which in turn would make tomorrow an extra shitty day after I weigh myself.

So my question:
Am I completely out of my mind?? does dairy really put on a ton of water weight? If so, how much water weight does it put on?

Im sorry if Im asking such a basic question, I tried google but I just don't really trust it because most normal people don't like....weigh themselves every day... :/

[Rant/Rave] DAE wish their ED was different? Or, The Most Frustrated Bulimic
Created: Fri Jun 9 22:22:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdf84/dae_wish_their_ed_was_different_or_the_most/

[Rant/Rave] Dreaming of a normal BM
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 22:18:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gdemy/dreaming_of_a_normal_bm/
Spent the last week restricting and barely ever pooping, binged probably 5k calories of pasta today and it's so much food my stomach isn't used to having that I'm basically shitting soft serve out my ass every 10 min and now can't go out with a few friends tonight because I can't leave the bathroom. I can't remember the last time I had a normal BM. Fuck this sickness.

On mobile can't flair

[Discussion] DAE feel like their SO might leave them if you gain weight?
Created: Fri Jun 9 21:27:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gd6u7/dae_feel_like_their_so_might_leave_them_if_you/
OK I love my bf and he's da best boyfriend and all that bleh but sometimes I fear he wouldn't like me as much if I gained weight. IM 25 AND IM STILL SELF CONSCIOUS FML

[Rant/Rave] I can't stand myself [pathetic rant]
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/83.8lbs]
Created: Fri Jun 9 20:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gd2jn/i_cant_stand_myself_pathetic_rant/
I'm sorry for the word vomit. I don't have any other non destructive outlet or anyone to just sit with and distract myself.

So I can't stand myself. I can't eat a single bite of food without throwing myself into ridiculous binges and careless purging. The binges are so bad now, I don't remember the last time I wasn't in physical pain. People normalize binge eating all the time, but I'm sure I'm on another level now. I can't even purge straight away because I'm afraid I'm going to break something inside me.

My mom sees me stress binging at night and reminds me that I'm going to end up "a fat loser like your dad". That I'm going to just drop out of university after first year and transfer to a shitty university, like he did. I fucking love my dad but the comparison is probably right. I'm going to a good school, and I checked out the undergrad facebook page where everyone is introducing themselves. I don't deserve to be there. I'm not good looking or smart or socially adept. I don't know what I'm fucking doing.

I just need to hold it together long enough to study for exams and graduate.

Hope everyone's month is going better than mine :'

[Humor] How to reach your GW
Created: Fri Jun 9 20:18:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcw35/how_to_reach_your_gw/

[Thinspo] My ultimate arm and leg thinspo, PRISTIN's Nayoung!
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 130 lbs | -21 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.09 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 20:15:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcvjf/my_ultimate_arm_and_leg_thinspo_pristins_nayoung/

[Other] work in progress // art
/u/101_honey [๐ŸŒผ5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Fri Jun 9 19:56:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcs8a/work_in_progress_art/

[Rant/Rave] I've been sooooooo bad.
/u/littlebirbb [5'7" | CW: ew | GW: 125 | -31]
Created: Fri Jun 9 19:11:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gckzw/ive_been_sooooooo_bad/
(On mobile, can't flair my rant... will try later if I can get to the big computer.)

I missed a few days of my medication. The one that's been helping me quit the binge cycle. I was doing well with restricting for so long but this threw me for a freakin loop and I put four pounds back on :( I am sort of getting back to normal but I am so disappointed in myself right now. I am finally losing weight and not binging and I have a very important deadline but I keep fucking it up. I know I won't make my goal weight by then :(

I'm just hoping I can lose at least like 20 more pounds, look good in my dress, and say a big FUCK YOU to my binge brain for a while.

On a good note, even though I was supposed to be fasting for lunch, I couldn't because I was with my work kids and they're blabbermouths. So I grabbed a salad from the place we were at, forced myself to eat it before I looked at the calories, and then checked - and it was HALF what I thought it was. Like, maybe 350 instead of the 700 I was expecting.

Still not going to eat dinner, lol

[Rant/Rave] People who are super skinny and "try to gain weight" = ?!?!
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:59:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gciwy/people_who_are_super_skinny_and_try_to_gain_weight/

[Help] I don't know what to do anymore
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:45:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcgcy/i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
So a month ago I was a very active lurker/redditor in this sub. I was constantly on this ranting and raving about my eating problems and basically trying to gather support. I basically became inactive because I am too ashamed and disappointed in myself to bring myself back here.

It started back in November when I started researching a lot about dieting. I was already anxious about how my body looked as I was hospitalised for 2 months for being suicidal (I went from 59 kg to 67 kg and this was from January to March 2016, by November I was about 70 kg). I was starting college in November and decided that it was the perfect time to start over so I thought why not try dieting as well.

Long story short, I went from eating 1200 calories and exercising 3 days a week in November to only eating 300 calories, 3 days of walking 7 KM each and 3 fast days a week by the 27th of April. Funnily enough, I was already getting depressed because college was stopping soon and then right on the 27th of April, I got too depressed and couldn't distract myself away from food anymore. I was at my lowest weight by the time this happened as well (50 KG, 5'4)

During the past month and a few weeks, I have been miserable and very suicidal. I went on a binge/fast cycle for weeks and now I have just given up on everything. I went to see my psychologist yesterday and got diagnosed unsafe from myself as well as suffering from an eating disorder, more specifically anorexia. I also got weighed and I currently have a BMI of 22 and a weight of 59 KG. I wasn't shocked about this but I've never hated myself ever before than now.

I honestly do not know what to do. The thought of eating makes me feel sick but I can't stop. These thoughts added with my suicidal ideation isn't making my life any easier. I am so scared of what I'm going to do with myself.

[Rant/Rave] Please don't let me throw all my hard work away...
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:23:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcchk/please_dont_let_me_throw_all_my_hard_work_away/
Not asking anyone to read all of this or even say anything below if you don't want to, this is just another vent post~

So I've lost about 25 pounds (157->132) since I began restricting 3 months ago. My confidence has been through the roof and I've been feeling much happier....
But *sigh* long story short, after having stayed up all night fantasizing about food, today at 5am I went out and got a pint of Ben & Jerry's, 2 donuts, a muffin, a turkey sandwich, a sausage egg and cheese, and ate them all in one sitting. God, after 3 months, I almost forgot how fucking GROSS it feels to binge. The high from all that sugary, greasy, disgusting food only lasts a few minutes. It's NEVER worth it.
Anyway I tried to calm down and told myself I wouldn't eat anything for the rest of the day and it'd be fine, but of course, here I am, 2 huge slices of carrot cake, another muffin, and another huge, mayo-drenched sandwich later, sitting on my couch, typing away on my laptop while trying to resist the urge to purge and cry.
I can feel myself falling back into my old habits and mindset. I'm so scared I'm going to find some way to justify binging again tomorrow and then before I know it I'll have gained everything I worked so hard to lose back. My face finally looks slimmer. I can see my abs. My legs aren't as thin as I'd like yet but god damn it I've come a long way and I never want to go back to my old weight. Please, if there's a God, give me the strength to not spiral back into being the gluttonous, depressed pig I used to be. Please.

[Rant/Rave] God in awkward as fuck thanks to ED..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:21:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gcc5p/god_in_awkward_as_fuck_thanks_to_ed/
On mobile this is either humor or a rant/rave So please Flair as you see fit lovely mods.

So I'm fasting and as a result all I can think about is the food I want to eat. So naturally what do I talk about?


I was cooking with my manager who is pretty chill and we're talking about different vegan food stuffs or what we used to eat and I kept catching myself and thinking "why do you keep bringing up food?!?" Of course all internal dialogue. And I know it's hard enough making food and not being able to eat it but I can't function at work after eating.

Also I feel bloated as fuck from all the liquids I've had today. And I'm still sweating the fucking small stuff like coke zero I know it has calories so why do I drink it. Or the 20 calories that were in the sugar free energy drink I had before work.

Also I go upstairs on my break and two of my favorite adorable female coworkers as sitting down and so I pull up a seat and chat and just..well Crack a joke or two then just sit and I'm like "ha Yeah I can be funny sometimes" like I'm trying to be flirty but I feel so God damn insecure I can't even believe anyone could find me attractive. I make all sorts of comments or stuff but the fact is they probably think I'm gay because when I'm not quiet and brooding I'm funny, perky and sassy.

Just fuck. I'm bi. I like it all and it's been a while sense I felt any attraction so maybe I'm just physically lonely and I know it's fucked to hit on coworkers but I'm just fucking lonely and could go for the validation.

I don't want pity. I want someone to actually like me. Or think I'm attractive. That's all I want. Instead I'm awkward as fuck.

Fuck today. Fuck food and eating I just want to keep starving until I am some bodies type. Or until someone actually gives me the positive validation of crave...just fuck...


[Discussion] Anyone else have a tonsillectomy?
Created: Fri Jun 9 18:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gca2e/anyone_else_have_a_tonsillectomy/
Anyone else have their tonsils removed?

Almost every time I purge now, my nose gets so full I can hardly even blow it out. I don't even know how to control it, but I'm so proud when it doesn't happen because I finally did something right and can actually breathe. It's just so frustrating to spend more time clearing my nose than dinner.

[Discussion] Does anyone else find themselves looking over old pictures like this?
Created: Fri Jun 9 17:48:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gc6ci/does_anyone_else_find_themselves_looking_over_old/

I literally look at this picture, and I know at the time I thought I was huge and couldn't pull off that dress at all, and now I just look back like 'I wish I was that slim again!' I know factually I'm only a few kilos off, but like, I have no scale ATM, and while not having one helps in the sense I can't obsess over weight, it does mean I feel out of control.

I just want to be back to how I was last summer. I felt like shit psychologically but at least I had control of my body.

[Rant/Rave] I know that I'm unhealthy
Created: Fri Jun 9 17:33:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gc3ku/i_know_that_im_unhealthy/

[Tip] Low cal ketchup
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri Jun 9 16:39:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbt21/low_cal_ketchup/
Y'all idk if you know about this but I was attempting to harm-reduce a planned binge tonight and I found Heinz reduced sugar ketchup that's only 5 cals per tablespoon instead of 20. I'm freakin out a lil bit tbh I'm so happy

[Other] A painful reminder about my descent into sickness.
/u/futuredust_ [5'8 | CW: 153 | HW: 220]
Created: Fri Jun 9 16:12:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbnol/a_painful_reminder_about_my_descent_into_sickness/
A photo popped up on Facebook today that showed a memory from 4 years ago. It brought back a lot of horrible memories, and it made me feel the need to share my story where I might be understood.

I've struggled with an eating disorder for more than half of my life. When I was 16, my struggle with BED transformed into bulimia. I used trauma and severe poor self esteem to drive myself to purge every single thing I ate. I hardly remember anything from that first year except how chaotic my life became. I can look at old pictures of myself and remember how I spent the day purging in the bathroom.

Seeing the picture on Facebook motivated me to do a [before and after](https://imgur.com/a/tyPul). The picture on the left was taken in early June 2012 when I was ~220 lb. I rarely share this photo with anybody because I am so ashamed of how large I was. The picture on the right was taken a year later on June 9, 2013 when I was 135 lb. I lost ~85 lb nine months into my struggle with bulimia. The pain I felt on the inside finally showed on the outside. The praise I received for weight loss transitioned into extreme worry from my family and friends.

I'm 21 years old, and I am still sucked into this painful eating disorder. I study nutrition, and I feel like I have a clear understanding of how to have a healthy lifestyle. I just can't let myself have that healthy life. I don't know if this pain will ever go away.

Thank you for listening.

*Note - the before/after isn't meant as a progress picture.*

[Rant/Rave] Why can't I not eat?
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:53:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbjut/why_cant_i_not_eat/
My family just left from a two week visit with my husband and I. They're all obese and terrified of ed. My mother once tried to have me hospitalized for anorexia for skipping a single dinner. So despite crying almost every night over food I felt like I had to eat their portions or risk being cornered (again) about an ed.

I decided to fast for a week or two after they left to get me back on track but I made it 24 hours before getting drunk and eating a 500 cal veg burger at a festival???

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I make myself miserable for not meeting goals and then actively sabotage myself from meeting the very same goals? Sorry for the rant I just feel insane

[Help] How to speed up metabolism?
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:48:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbipe/how_to_speed_up_metabolism/

[Discussion] [Discussion] In a weird, low place.
/u/litlelou [5'5" | CW:110 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:35:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbg1f/discussion_in_a_weird_low_place/
Recently, I've begun to really really hate my body. I've always restricted, but I've always thought I looked pretty skinny, felt pretty okay about myself. But these last few weeks I've just been disgusted and displeased no matter what. So, obviously I took to looking for inspiration...I mean, what DO I want to look like, anyway? But I cannot, for the life of me, find any kind of inspiration that appeals to me. I've gotten to this point where bodies all just look weird and not quite right to me, no matter what, but especially my own body.

All that said, there was a point in time when I was more pleased with my body, where I appeared skinnier...at least to myself. So I was looking at my LoseIt logs and realizing I was working out less and eating more. I've slowly dwindled away at my calories and yet I feel like I'm honestly bigger now.

I think this is all sort of compounded by the fact that I have a new boyfriend, who I adore and who treats me so so well, but I now have this worry about how he might think about my body. As well, I've just moved back home for the summer, so there's all these new foods around, different lighting, my negative mom. AND, after two years of not having a period, I just had my period two months in a row...so....yeah, idk. Even though I feel miserable and like I'm restricting all the time, I guess not.

This is all over the place, but I honestly just don't know what to do but can't handle this awful hatred I feel toward myself and my body here lately. Any one else been in this kind of situation? Any tips or help? I'd honestly welcome literally anything.

[Rant/Rave] Binged for the first time.
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F ๐ŸŒผ]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:31:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbf1y/binged_for_the_first_time/
TW binging, purging.


I've never binged before - certainly not since my most recent relapse into AN behaviours. Whilst 'recovered' I'd absolutely eaten excessively on occasion - eaten takeaways, pizzas and kept up until stuffed. Never binged though.

Last night I just couldn't stop. It was crazy. I just kept stuffing food into myself. Yesterday I purged seven times - I've been purging everything that I eat and drink beyond a few sips of water and 3 very specific safe foods. Yesterday I was so stressed that I couldn't even keep coffee down. I couldn't workout. And I think my body went into full-blown panic-because-you're-starving-me mode.

And I binged.

And I *didn't* purge.

And today I've eaten two small meals. And I haven't purged.

I've eaten two small snacks. I've drank coffee and water and had a protein shake. I have worked out.

I feel good today. I feel proud. :)

[Help] Will I gain weight from a binge if I don't eat the next day?
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:08:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gbadu/will_i_gain_weight_from_a_binge_if_i_dont_eat_the/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling some feels
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 15:07:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gba29/feeling_some_feels/
I haven't weighed myself in about a month because I got very frustrated with the combination of water weight/waste weight/muscle mass interfering with the scale number moving at all (I've complained about this a lot, so sorry for the rehash). I think not weighing has probably been good for me, although I feel like I've gotten huge from what I think my recent LW was (somewhere around 103 as of May 14). I'm trying to tell myself that there's no way I've gained more than five pounds in a month, especially since I've been staying around and below maintenance but... still scared. The reason I bring this up is because my boss recently told me that we have one of those super fancy scales that costs thousands of dollars and tells you your body fat percentage, water weight percentage, BMI, estimated BMR, and a bunch of other things. It's so tempting to go into full on restriction mode for the next few weeks and then use it. I'm trying to get myself out of that way of thinking but it's so hard, especially because I feel like such a whale lately.

[Discussion] What are some things you're postponing until you hit your GW?
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 14:30:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gb1pl/what_are_some_things_youre_postponing_until_you/

[Rant/Rave] I'm failing at everything
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 14:18:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gaz63/im_failing_at_everything/

My mood has been in the shitter, and I turned straight back to binging and purging once I couldn't just do my safe meals. I saw an email chain today that basically made it look like I'm dropping the ball on my responsibilities (which in this case I thought I had covered but apparently not). And to top it off, I met with my therapist today and I feel like my inability to manage everything right now is frustrating to my team. I know the thought process behind that is that they want better for me but my brain keeps twisting it into "you're a lost cause. Just put a happy fucking face on it and keep it moving."

I can't trust anyone right now as I'm worried that my emotional state is making it seem like I can't handle anything and I fucking hate that I've become that person. The only thing that's the bright side to this is my brain has clicked into, "you don't deserve food" mode and my appetite is GONE. I planned on going out tonight with friends and there's a part of me that wants to back out so badly, but I'm forcing myself to go anyway. I'm going to put all my energy into rebuilding that false image I had that made it look like I had it kind of together. I would have liked to really have it together but that doesn't seem possible. But I can fake it really well I just have to make that happen again. <3

[Help] How to reach out for help
Created: Fri Jun 9 13:13:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gakc7/how_to_reach_out_for_help/

[Thinspo] (Self) before and after bikini photos
Created: Fri Jun 9 13:06:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6gaivv/self_before_and_after_bikini_photos/

[Rant/Rave] I was two and a half weeks binge free
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 11:26:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9vgk/i_was_two_and_a_half_weeks_binge_free/
And hello 3500 calorie binge you are an asshole and I hate you and please go away and never exist ): I have a date at macaroni grill that I was saving up for too, so my calories are screwed for this week. I'm trying to work on getting better and I'm seeing a therapist now and I'm not freaking out as bad as I usually do. All I can do is start fresh on Sunday. I promised my boyfriend I'd try to start eating more normally and going out more. Its a scary step. Lets hope I can start over Sunday and make it a month binge free this time!

[Rant/Rave] Food pushing neighbors
Created: Fri Jun 9 11:08:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9r6g/food_pushing_neighbors/

[Discussion] |Discussion| Weight loss rewards?
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |113.2 | -106.8 | GW: 110 | UGW:100 | 20A]
Created: Fri Jun 9 10:42:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9l48/discussion_weight_loss_rewards/
If you follow the daily food diary you may have seen that I've posted a few times about finally losing 100 pounds. I'm sort of in disbelief still but I want to do something for myself that like...solidifies the progress in my mind, even though I'm still ten pounds away from my first GW. I never give myself credit for anything and rarely reward myself so I'm not really sure how to celebrate this without food....lol

Do you guys celebrate reaching goal weights or certain milestones or just let them pass and keep going?

[Rant/Rave] "revenge weight loss" stories make me wanna stab something
Created: Fri Jun 9 10:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9h54/revenge_weight_loss_stories_make_me_wanna_stab/

[Rant/Rave] [RANT/HELP] Just need some moral support.
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 10:17:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9fbo/ranthelp_just_need_some_moral_support/
Hit a new LW!

Now to go on vacation with and meet my boyfriend's entire family for the first time, who are all primarily obese, which isn't a cause for judgment, I'm just terrified of drawing attention to myself by eating too little or what I eat, and I don't know how I'm NOT going to gain and fuck.

It's just a couple days but I'd rather die.

Sorry for the shitpost idk.

[Rant/Rave] It's time to peace out.
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 102lbs | recovery, for now | โœจ]
Created: Fri Jun 9 09:46:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g9850/its_time_to_peace_out/
I relapsed after five years of recovery. Hard. Before I started posting here, I was averaging maaaaybe 300 calories a day. I lost almost 20lbs in an unseemly amount of time.

This time around, it wasn't about the body image. I liked how I looked. It was about control and coping. I needed to feel good and restricting gets me high in a way I don't feel with drugs.

But I realized after my freak out last night that I can't keep doing this. I don't want to scare my friends and family. I want to eat healthy food and not obsess about how many calories I'm consuming and constantly calculate my deficit.

There's a clinic in my city that deals with trauma based eating disorders that is essentially two months of IOP. I realized that if I kept up with the course I've been on, I'd be there in probably the next two weeks. I have been using this to escape the shit I am dealing with in my personal life and it served its purpose. I don't want to let this affect me for the rest of my life and I realized my goal weight would always continue to get lower, and nothing would change.

I have to stop. I'm not going to let him or the trauma break me. I'm stronger than that. For now, I'm choosing recovery again. As y'all know, that is tenuous and slippery, but for now, it's where I'm at. I also think my username is known by too many people to feel comfortable posting in here anymore, but I am promising myself I won't come back with a new name as well. If I relapse, I'll use this account too. Gotta own up to it.

Love to you all.

[Rant/Rave] I am going to gain so much weight on this visit home [Rant]
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'8 | CW:122 | 18.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 08:35:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g8s8s/i_am_going_to_gain_so_much_weight_on_this_visit/
Dear god.

I'm visiting my hometown for a week and it's driving me insane. Every time I visit home, even before I started actually losing weight, my mom asks if I've lost weight. It's because my sister had a pretty sever bout with anorexia once, and it ever since then my parents have been really wary of it and scared of it and really good at picking up on subtle signs.

So to keep them from saying anything, I'm having to really eat normally in front of everyone, and eat a lot. They're around all the time too since it's summer and my mom is a middle school teacher, so she has that time off.

Yesterday I had to eat a chocolate bar that they gave me, because they know it's my favorite, even though I didn't want it just because they'd get all bothered if I didn't have it.

It's so irritating and I have no idea how to balance between what I want to eat and what they expect me to eat.

[Other] Shrooms and goodbye.
/u/jizzjazzspazz [๐Ÿšฝ 5'5 | CW: 131.8lbs | SW: 160 | GW: 125 | UGW: 110 | Poo]
Created: Fri Jun 9 08:09:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g8mlt/shrooms_and_goodbye/
I tripped on shrooms yesterday.

Does anyone else have any experience with this?

I did a fairly low dose as it was my first time.

And ya know what? It was great. I looked in the mirror and I realized I look pretty okay. And I'm not fat. I may be a little curvy and a pretty soft, but my bf loves me and I should love me. Because I deserve love.

And the sexual abuse happened and that sucked but idk, there are j mean people in the world. And I don't wanna be a mean person. And that includes being mean to myself. Bc hating myself gets in the way of loving other people and accepting their love.

So this is goodbye.

This doesn't mean all my probs are solved, I just have a new perspective of the battles I'm facing.

Thank you for all your support. If anyone ever needs an ear, I'm here for you.

[Rant/Rave] What even IS normal?
Created: Fri Jun 9 07:14:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g8bq3/what_even_is_normal/
So I have recently tried recovery (went to a therapist, gained 20 lbs, started working out more, etc.). And it kind of backfired and now I'm restricting even more than before because it made me really, really hate myself.

First of all, the therapists (mind you, I tried three) didn't really help ("just try to calm down and breathe whenever you get ED thoughts", "just push through it and you'll be fine", "try not to feel guilty"). Secondly, the whole recovery community on social media is a joke. I don't think you are 'recovered' if your meals consist of a pint of Ben & Jerry's and two huge bars of chocolate. In therapy I was advised to make an 'instagram recovery account' which I did - and it only led to me obsessing about food and routine and eventually binging. My binges were quite extreme - I would go to the shop several times every day and buy sweets and pastries, basically anything and everything. My skin got really bad, I was awfully bloated from all the carbs and after a few weeks I stopped going to school entirely because I couldn't handle being around people and couldn't focus because all I could think about was food. The response? "It will get better, just keep doing what you've been doing". Now - do I believe you need to eat at a surplus in recovery? Absolutely. But that surplus shouldn't be 4000 kcal in sugary foods with zero nutritional value.

I was also pressured into giving up veganism which fucked me up even more - I was (and AM) a vegan for the animals and environment, but apparently it was "too restrictive" and "normal people don't restrict themselves like that".

So, I've been thinking - isn't it better to maintain at a slightly underweight BMI rather than binge, feel like crap mentally and physically and call it recovery? I just feel like I'm at a much better place mentally when I'm 45 kg, eat healthy food and don't feel guilty about eating milk and animal products in general. Does anyone have a similar experience? Plz guys I feel like an alien (sorry for the rant heh)

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 09, 2017
Created: Fri Jun 9 06:13:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g80y9/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
This is the weekly picture thread for June 09, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 09, 2017
Created: Fri Jun 9 06:13:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g80xd/daily_food_diary_june_09_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 09, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Thinspo] A thread has been made by the mod of /r/thinspo if you'd like to add your thoughts on the direction of the sub :)
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Fri Jun 9 03:49:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g7fng/a_thread_has_been_made_by_the_mod_of_rthinspo_if/

[Rant/Rave] Hookup panic
Created: Fri Jun 9 03:48:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g7fix/hookup_panic/

[Rant/Rave] RANT about weight gain
/u/gobtastic [5'7" | CW: 122 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 9 03:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g7aap/rant_about_weight_gain/
okay, so I started the week off at 52.9 on Monday. I've consistently burned between 1700 and 2200 calories at the gym every day between Monday and today (Friday), and on Monday + Tuesday I ate under 400 calories of seaweed, hot sauce and biltong. Wednesday my intake was higher - I'd estimate about 2000 max but I burned 2000 on top of my BMR of 1400. Thursday I ate under 1000 and burned 2200 at the gym. but this morning I weighed in at 54.2????

I've had my period since last Friday (it's ending today, I think), so I'm trying to convince myself that this is just bloat. I haven't had a period in a while (I usually skip them with the pill) so I don't know if my body bloats or not. And I thought the sodium from Monday and Tuesday might have affected me too, but it's Friday now, so how would that even work.

I'm so upset because I have been KILLING myself working out and restricting, and for what?

[Rant/Rave] So I bought a mens romper...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 9 01:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g70e0/so_i_bought_a_mens_romper/
In mobile so flair as rant/rave.

I discovered the Wish app a month or so again and spent 50 bucks on useless shit I definitely didn't need. A couple things came in recently and they have come to push me farther to recent my goals.

I bought some women's harem pants which were like 8 bucks and a mens romper which was 10 or so..I was kind of stoned when I bought this stuff. All that aside. The sizing bugs the shit out of me because it's all cheap shit from China ( no offense to any Chinese on this sub but China is not known for great manufacturing)

So I tried on the harem pants and they fit but not as baggy as I would have wanted them to be. They are comfy and androgynous though which is my goal aesthetic.


The romper. Yes I know.

There was some Kickstarter noise about v a romphim but he's the truth. I love the idea of jumpsuits and overalls as just singular garments one can throw on. Very underrated in men's fashion though down by some houses.

The romper fits surprisingly. This isn't enough though. I feel bloated right now and it shows even though it has flattering vertical pinstripes. It has a cinched tied waist I can barely tie and when I to it leaves little to the imagination.

I do have some goal jeans as well but these unique garments are giving me more of a push than I had before. I want to be able to wear them while the weather permits.

I live in the PNW. Seattle if anyone cares. We barely have a summer or a spring but things heat up a bit.

I really want to drop some weight and slim down more now so I can wear these out and in public and feel slightly more confident. Maybe wearing them around the house when no one is home will be motivation enough.

I don't measure myself though I own fabric tape because I sell clothes online and give measurements. I might start keeping track. I love data especially changes in data. I can track my weight, my measurements and whether these new clothes fit.

The romper fits a tad tight but my goal is to lose enough it before shapeless that I could potentially buy enough in a smaller size and still have it be looser.

I would love to be able to fit into small Asian sizes...and European sizes. I can fit mediums sometimes in American sizes but I still feel fat because America is the fattest or one of them. (Technically I think Mexico has a higher incidence of obesity)

I remember a site someone shared on a different sub where you could input your weight and it would say what country you were closest to the average of. Or something like that. I want to be the smallest percentile. I want to be thinner than a majority of people my height and age.

So here's to making this romper look damn sexy...or at least better over time as I lose weight.


[Rant/Rave] A small collection of thoughts
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Fri Jun 9 00:58:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6tyq/a_small_collection_of_thoughts/
My goal for June was to reach the ~60kg mark and I just weighed in this afternoon at 60.6kg so my BMI is now underweight and I feel ????? weird but ???? like ????? not?? at the same time. I'm happy about it because this means I can try to actually enjoy my birthday next weekend with a few treats here n there, which was the point of my ~60kg June goal.

I'm not at my ultimate goal (whatever that is) but I truly can't stand how much people are commenting on my body (EVEN MY BOSS DID TODAY) and I kind of just want to Slow Down but I'm not sure how (???????) or if I actually want to. I'm not sure about anything.

Anyway ty for reading love u

[Rant/Rave] Work and my ED could be best friends
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 23:38:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6ilk/work_and_my_ed_could_be_best_friends/
On mobile flair as rant rave.

Two and a half days into a new fast cycle and I found out I work 7 days this week. Here's the thing I hate eating at work or on work days cause it makes me feel sluggish and bloated and just sick. This means I could be forced into a longer fast I guess.

What I thought was going to be 4 or 5 days may be pushed to 7 or 8. I usually feel hungry after work and it's tempting to binge but I just avoid the kitchen and go right to sleep. I also sleep late so I have no time to eat at work.

I really need the only after the last week of over spending. I spent 60 bucks on a bunch of binge food only to eat maybe a little bit of it. Still don't know what to do with the remainder or said binge food besides throwing it away.

I wish I could be like my coworkers and actually enjoy a shift me on my lunch break. Instead I sit out back in the parking low. Back to a wall on the concrete. Browsing this sub and others while I drink water and coffee hoping the cravings pass.

This week will push me close to my limits but a part of me like a challenge. My body has been shitty to me for a long time it's only fair I return the favor. I refuse to love my body until it caves to my will.

Work will keep me busy and occupied. I'll make money for my trip this next month and maybe if my tips are good I can treat myself to a little non food type of reward or just make theist of the two days off I get...

Does anyone else have trouble eating at work or on work days or just around people in general?


[Rant/Rave] Who the fuck invented communal dining?
/u/magfrack [5'5" | 122.4 | 20.61 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 23:21:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6g59/who_the_fuck_invented_communal_dining/
Every day at work, lunch with coworkers. Steakhouses, Korean barbecue, stick-to-your-throat risotto, sickly sweet cocktails, endless baskets of "oh, it's so warm!" bread. Why? Why can't I be left alone with my coffee and Ritalin and bleary eyes?

[Tip] WE HAVE GOT TO STOP BEATING OURSELVES UP. (easier said than done i know but hear me out)
/u/NotStephany [5'5| too fat | 34.68 | -90lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 22:55:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g6c1w/we_have_got_to_stop_beating_ourselves_up_easier/

[Rant/Rave] I will end my sister jesus christ
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 22:25:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g675n/i_will_end_my_sister_jesus_christ/
Backstory: I have been underweight pretty much since the age of 9, and recently tried to bring myself to a healthy weight and accept it, going from BMI 16.3 to 19.8. I'm a teen in high school by the way

I was standing in the bathroom with shorts on and my 23-year-old sister comes home and says "Your legs and stomach got so much fatter, it's funny how you look so different... mom says you weigh enough to go ziplining." (I had previously been too light for the minimum weight requirement)

She continued, "Is it caused by birth control? You should see your doctor. You gained, what, 20 pounds in 6 months? That's scary because you've been underweight your whole life." (so BMI 16.3 isn't scary enough to you huh?)

She said "You gained so much weight on your stomach, let me see your stomach?" Do you expect me to be happy when you say that? How the fuck do you have no tact?

I can't win. When I restrict, I can't concentrate in school. When I don't restrict, people make fucking comments like these that rub me entirely the wrong way.

Previously, I didn't think my weight gain was so bad, though I still struggled to accept it, but now I want to lose an enormous amount of weight out of sheer spite. Fuck em all. I tried so hard to pull myself out of this crap and got pushed right back down in return. I just want everyone to shut the fuck up about my weight gain. I also can't tell if I'm fat or not because some people say I'm fine, but some people (read: family) make it sound like I'm a fucking whale now.

I get so confused when I look in the mirror. I started crying and my sister heard me and went over to talk to me and backtracked, saying "I never said you were fat, I just said rapid weight gain is concerning," which is such a lie because she asked to see my belly fat.

When I cried, my mom said "Why do you care? Why are you crying about that? stupid" and started saying ridiculous shit to appease me, like "I like fat. I wish I could gain weight. You're skinny."

This is what I get for being a healthy weight, right? Why worry about a 20-pound weight gain to a healthy weight? Where were you when I was BMI 16.3?

I plan to lose the weight and end up at 90 lbs, this is too god damn much

[Help] Urgent help needed! What "safe foods" should I bring to my bulimic b/p friend?
/u/satanAMA [5'9 | too much | BMI 22 | 50lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 21:36:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5yxh/urgent_help_needed_what_safe_foods_should_i_bring/
I've asked her permission to bring over food and vitamins in a few hours, but I don't know what to bring and I don't want to pressure her into thinking about food. I want to bring her low calorie, easy foods to eat .. I restrict but I'm not her and I'm not bulimic so I thought I'd ask the lovely people of ProED!

Details: she's underweight, she's fasted for four days with only energy drinks, she's bulimic. I don't want to give out her secrets but this is anonymous and I need advice!

PS. On the off chance you read this, babes, I love you and I'll be over soon.

[Rant/Rave] Oh fuck. I'm fat. I'm medically fat.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW:103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:45:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5q1m/oh_fuck_im_fat_im_medically_fat/

[Help] (TMI) I poop too late in the day!
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 136| GW: Kate Middleton| F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:34:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5o45/tmi_i_poop_too_late_in_the_day/
So ideally I like to weigh myself before I've had anything to eat/drink each day and AFTER I've pooped. I used to have to go right when I got up but now it doesn't happen until like 11am, when I'm already at work and don't have a scale and hafta eat lunch etc. So I feel like I can't get an accurate reading and it's so frustrating. I don't wanna take laxatives, so does anyone have any non-lax tricks for getting your GI tract moving in the morning? I've heard drinking warm water helps?

[Humor] Weed, the binge maker.
/u/welpthatreallysucks [โ™€ 5'4" | โš– 205 | -31lbs| ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:18:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5l7q/weed_the_binge_maker/
I just had a weed brownie (80cal) about a half hour ago...

I am now worried that I will get the munchies and eat the rest of.... the house

Edit: only had an apple and a few tiny spoon bites of ice cream! Woop!

[Help] What are some must have ED products?
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 20:06:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5j1r/what_are_some_must_have_ed_products/

[Discussion] can we talk about fitness?
Created: Thu Jun 8 19:40:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g5e7t/can_we_talk_about_fitness/

[Rant/Rave] Dreams of the twisted
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 18:57:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g55yb/dreams_of_the_twisted/
On mobile so tag this as a rant/rave

I feel so weak so I wrote a narrative in my head to distract me from all the feelings I'm having now. In this narrative it is a person who I wish I was. How they act, behave and live and love. It short

They wake just after dawn and put a coffee pot on, going out for a smoke while the coffee heats up.

They pull on some pants that could mens or women's who's to say after last night.their face is gaunt. Their bones show through the pants as their are small yet somehow baggies on their lean frame. Then a shirt or blouse and a frumpy sweater that's a few sizes too big. pulling their hair back to a bun. Putting out their cigarette and lashing up the dog for a walk around the block a jacket is tossed over their sweater

They grab an apple from the bowl of fruit and slip it into their pocket.

Walking down the road they notice stairs and glares from strangers passing by but none the disturbance. They continue to walk. After returning home they let the dog in and walk down to the coffee shop. Taking two to three bite of the apple before chucking it into a nearby garbage can.

At the cafe they order black coffee, withdrawing a flash from their jacket pocket they pour some scotch in
Last night was wild. They order a solitary croissant and another coffee. More scotch. Withdrawing a journal they sketch for a good hour before seeing some friends walk back. They great them and decide on plans for that night

They go to work and have a couple meetings. Noticing attention from coworkers. Rumors whispered in ears. They aren't bothered by rumors. Let them talk. Finishing work and two bar to meet fiends they go to a show and end up at some loft party in the wrong side of town. They drink a little too much but seldom eat. Not much food at this gathering.

Escaping to the bathroom to recompose fixing their hair and shirt. A smile for the mirror and a wink then back to the party. Approach by strangers to confirm rumors they are the social magnet and still wander with people seeking them out.

They leave with a group to another party them one after that until it gets later. Retreating home with strangers in toe they drink some more and discuss politics, movies, art and fashion. Eventually everyone falls asleep

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. A life normal at least more normal than now.

[Rant/Rave] Office Beach Party...who even does that?!
/u/justonenon-blonde [5'3" | CW: 106 | GW:98 | 23F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 17:08:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4l4x/office_beach_partywho_even_does_that/
My boyfriend's office is having a beach party next week and my boyfriend invited me. I said yes without really thinking about it.

Then last night I literally sat up in bed in the middle of the night when I remembered he has a beautiful strawberry blonde coworker who is 5'6 and 98 pounds. I know this because he mentioned in passing how tiny she is. They were talking about how much protein you need by weight and she told him her weight...which he then told me. He meant it as "isn't that crazy how skinny she is?" way, But of course that's not how I took it.

I know she'll be absolutely beautiful in a swimsuit. Her collarbone and shoulders make me weak. And I have a weird complex about not being a tall, athletic blonde because I know that's my boyfriends type.

I don't want to wear a swimsuit, and I really don't want to wear one around someone so much prettier. UGH. Trying to use it as motivation but I'm starting to obsess.

[Rant/Rave] I wish I didn't connect my weight to my self worth
Created: Thu Jun 8 17:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4l0r/i_wish_i_didnt_connect_my_weight_to_my_self_worth/
I don't have that great of attributes physically. All I have control over is my size. I'm way too big for my liking. Bmi is 22.1 .
This would all be fine if I didn't overdo it like I overdo everything. Like eating. If I binge. Or feel like I didn't reach my caloric intake goal, I feel like I don't deserve to watch my favorite shows, do my favorite things, or even go outside. I'm embarrassed by my self.
A lot of times I feel, if my boobs weren't so saggy, if my face wasn't so chubby and asymmetrical , I wouldn't place so much self worth on my weight. I know I wouldn't. But life is not fair. Nope. Life is work for below average people like me.

[Rant/Rave] I love/hate and food/eating
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 16:46:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4gln/i_lovehate_and_foodeating/
In mobile flair as rant rave.

I cook for a living (if I can call it that) and it just kills me a little bit making delicious and pretty things but never feeling deserving of anything. I feel like I need to be in control all the time and if people see me eat it will appear as a weakness also I feel self concious and anxious when people see me eat especially since I work with a lot of attractive people. I know no one could ever find me attractive but I feel like being a 0 out of 10 is better than eating, getting fatter and putting myself in the negatives.

I'm randomly reminded of hunger games and the lavish parties katniss and peeta went to where people would eat and drink then have a drink or something that makes them throw up and then they would eat some more.

I fucking hate my life. I wish someone would find me pretty or attractive instead I just feel like an ogre..

[Humor] Create your own happiness.
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Thu Jun 8 16:36:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g4em8/create_your_own_happiness/

[Humor] My horoscope today ๐Ÿ™ƒ
/u/mace__face [5'6 | CW:112 | BMI:18.08 | GW:108 | F -16lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 16:02:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g47cz/my_horoscope_today/

[Discussion] (Discussion) Darren Aronofsky
/u/missalligator [5'2" | 106.6lb | GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:31:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g40kj/discussion_darren_aronofsky/
I love binge watching movies by director and today I had a Darren Aronofsky day. After finishing Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan I noticed the common theme of EDs and how accurately he depicts them (as well as addiction, OCD, and dermatillomania). Its so on point to the thoughts and feelings that accompany EDs (plus the reactions from people close to the character) and the comorbid disorders that I wonder if he's known someone with an ED or suffered from one himself. Its kinds of things only encompassed by the directing style, not just in the writing, that just can't be understood from textbooks or hearing other testimonies and it doesn't have all the stereotypes that are often featured in other depictions. Thoughts?

[Discussion] Who is your favourite thinspo?
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:30:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g40au/who_is_your_favourite_thinspo/
So, after looking at pictures of Jude Karda someone posted today I realised that thinspiration photos of a real person with a name and a life story motivate me much more than just some abstract pics of someone's ribcage.

Yes, my first reaction was some really intense jealousy but after I dealt with it I felt very inspired and determined. I mean, if there are real people who can look this amazingly perfect then nothing is impossible and I might as well achieve something myself.

Thus, the question. Do you have a favourite thinspo model or celebrity? Someone you admire or look up to? Or maybe even someone you hate or you're jealous of?

[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Boyfriend ate my food I've been restricting for :(
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 150 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 19 F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3xji/rant_boyfriend_ate_my_food_ive_been_restricting/
Occasional poster here also sorry if this is kinda scattered I'm just very upset.

So I've been restricting decently (not as well as I wish to) all week to be able to get the loaded fries from the local Arby's which is a great treat cause they are like 700 calories. My boyfriend wanted food too so I drove him, we got into an argument because I went to pick my purse up because he didn't want to hand it to me and accidentally knocked over a bag of food (his food he eats like a beast) and he got pissed at me which started an argument. Alright no big deal, I decided to cool down because I knew I wouldn't enjoy my food if I was angry. I calmed down, Boyfriend went to bed. I looked in my bag (had to get a meal to get the fries, cheaper) And my fries were missing. He ate all of them. Who does that? I got it how he liked it so I could share with him, but no. He apparently deserved the ONE MEAL I have been looking forward to all fucking week and now I can eat a stupid crispy chicken which is okay but not the 700 Goddamn calories I've been restricting for.

Like he didn't even save me one little fry. I'm just so pissed and upset that I want to eat everything because hey why not, restricting for one meal doesn't even matter because I won't be able to enjoy it anyways

~End Rant~

[Rant/Rave] Too fat to date
/u/onlyroom_forthin [5'6.5 | CW:152.4| 23.9 | SW:170 | UGW:120 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 15:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3wpv/too_fat_to_date/
I'm on a trip to a magical foreign country right now, stuck with the same group of about 15 people for the foreseeable future. I have a huge huge crush on one of the guys who is super fit, runs every day, ect. I try to find opportunities to hang out without being stalkerish, which is hard because we all basically live together. Can't work out with him because I'd die of fatness like 2 miles in. But one of the other girls is perfect and thin and tan and hangs on him all the time. I'm just over here like nah I'll just drink myself silly and slowly reduce my portion sizes down to nothing. Ugh. I'm too fat to date and too fat to hook up with anyone. At least I think I'm losing weight here because the yoga pants I brought were too small and now are baggy in the ass. Or they just stretched out, whatever.

[Humor] I made this to distract myself from my full fridge...
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:52:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3rf4/i_made_this_to_distract_myself_from_my_full_fridge/

[Thinspo] caption + pic
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3ofi/caption_pic/

[Thinspo] Thinso-everything about this
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:32:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3msl/thinsoeverything_about_this/

[Other] I've been gone. Stove popped popcorn?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:31:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3mnb/ive_been_gone_stove_popped_popcorn/
I've been moving and shit and haven't really been around but I had a quick question.

Has anyone had luck with popping popcorn on the stove without oil? I don't want to burn my new apartment down or wreck my new pans

[Help] Do you drink alcohol?
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:22:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3keb/do_you_drink_alcohol/

[Rant/Rave] A bad thing and a good thing...
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 134.8| BMI: 22.70 | GW: 120 |HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 14:01:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3fci/a_bad_thing_and_a_good_thing/
So bad thing.

I found out yesterday that apparently over half of the people i thought were my friends actually hate me and think im a stuck up bitch. And all my ED brain can think is that its because im nots pretty or thin or perfect enough for them.

Good thing.

My bfs best friend is visiting in town and i havent seen him in a few months.
He asked if ive lost weight :) so i guess it is starting to be noticeable.
I cant see it.
But at least one person does.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:42:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3b3q/daily_thinspo/

[Help] Anyone know if Pinterest secret board is really secret?
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:28:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g37og/anyone_know_if_pinterest_secret_board_is_really/

[Rant/Rave] [Rave/Rant] Bloated Fuck
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:25:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g3702/raverant_bloated_fuck/
So I am in Portugal at the moment and am kinda stuck with a bloated stomach and my upper food tube (as I call it) hurts. From the side I really look unhealthily bloated. Haven't ever seen something similar. It looks unreal.
I believe it's also because I had sex drunk. It was great until I felt that the shaking was becoming too intense and I had to pain(st!)fully vomit. Since then, I am a wandering bloat stone. The day after I had to tell the guy, that I had problems moving (still ate the food he cooked though.. ) He made me a tea and went to work early. Hahaha.

When I eat or drink it hurts. Sometimes I feel that I am actually bubbling. I don't manage to fast... not until in 3 days, when I will not be depending on the people I know here anymore and will have my own flat for the remaining days. I had to say no to this evening's planned dinner though and drinking session. I just can't. I think I will be torn to pieces, If I do eat something more. With a noise like a high pffffffrt and bam.

The food here is also fucking filling. Low cal hell :) You can see it also. The women here are fuller, but to be honest, they wear it well and proudly. I have seen other countries with bigger women, and unfortunately they tend to hide behind all those models (like in Milano) by just also sticking out through their bad taste. Here they seem to know what to wear to look feminine and beautiful. They seem to not care. And they smile. Maybe because the men here are quite nice to look at, too. I expected them a lot shorter, but no. Tall thin guys with golden green and blue eyes and dark hair who can cope with the fact that all the meat and egg yolks in their food makes their ladies soft (but not them... fuck you! average men's metabolism, fuck you!)

Anyways, can't get fat in Portugal though. All admiration for this beautiful body positivity, but: I will try to fast and tekkno it away these coming weekends. This sounds like fun.

[Rant/Rave] eating disorders are...
/u/starskyandspring [5'6 โ€ข cw: sad โ€ข -20ish โ€ข gw: 113 โ€ข 20F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 13:19:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g35ao/eating_disorders_are/
... being caught up in the most intense silence mental battle while driving over whether or not you deserve to eat a 190 cal protein bar despite having only eaten 330 something calories that day.

I catch myself in these moments every so often and just internally chuckle at myself and my ED brain. does anyone else ever catch themselves thinking things and just think "as yes there's my ED brain being a bully again"?

i don't know if ill eat the quest bar as i'm still in a lose-lose battle in my brain but thought i'd share anyway. hope everyone's friday jr is going well :)

(mobile flair as other if possible)

[Rant/Rave] "how come you won't tell us your feelings?"
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Thu Jun 8 12:40:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2w3o/how_come_you_wont_tell_us_your_feelings/

called my mom last week pretty much hysterically crying stressed about whatever bs and she says she'll drive over to where i live take me for grocery shopping/bookstore/shopping whatever. so i call her today and ask, she doesn't feel like it right now. or later. maybe tomorrow. but definitely not right now. she wants to know when the last time i ate was tho

my friend literally said to me "we are best friends, i feel like we should be able to communicate honestly so tell me about your day i want to hear it" i then say well today was hard because o and he pretty much was like "oH tOdaY wAs HaRd For yOu?"

i guess this has nothing to do with eds so just tell me to delete it if it's irrelevant

i'm not doing that shit again

plz tag rant am simple mobile user

[Help] Can someone explain to me what is really happening as far as calories and absorption when you take laxatives or have diarrhea?
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4F |121.6lbs | 21.28| 4lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 12:15:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2pwy/can_someone_explain_to_me_what_is_really/
ED brain mode activated.

Edit: Even in the ED world, laxatives are frowned upon. Don't start!

[Rant/Rave] The best/worst thing about my neighborhood
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 12:05:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2nfy/the_bestworst_thing_about_my_neighborhood/
Is that I live directly behind a barbecue place. I spend all day laying out by the pool or on my patio, and get to smell delicious barbecue all day without actually seeing or eating any of it.

[Discussion] DEA feel like being tan makes them look tiny?
Created: Thu Jun 8 11:11:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g2apw/dea_feel_like_being_tan_makes_them_look_tiny/

[Rant/Rave] Unknown Calories
Created: Thu Jun 8 11:01:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g28dp/unknown_calories/
I ate out with my aunt and uncle. Zero nutritional information. I ate half the fish and a quarter of the fries from a one piece fish and chips and I don't know how many calories that is and I am freaking out.

I feel like shit for eating and like shit for wasting food and it's all just uuuugh. Why can't places keep accurate records of nutritional information???

[Discussion] What's your style/how do you dress?
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 10:48:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g25d7/whats_your_stylehow_do_you_dress/
Curious to know what people on here dress like.

I personally have the whole "hippie" vibe going on - lots of long, drapey, and loose/oversized clothes (that hide how fat I am ๐Ÿ˜) with colorful patterns.

What about you guys? :)

[Discussion] *trigger?* Do you freak out in public?
/u/Chromalust [6'1 | CW: 133lbs | GW: Less | mtF]
Created: Thu Jun 8 10:40:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g23jm/trigger_do_you_freak_out_in_public/
Was kinda wondering if anyone else was dealing with this.. Like, I try to keep my freaking out to myself in private, but sometimes the world surprises me with some unexpected thing or choice.. even if it kinda seems tiny later?

One thing is curling up on the floor in the basement of your parent's because you found out they only have the high % version of cooking cream available.But like, out in public, while ordering a plain coffee at a Coffeeshop and then getting told that the machine is broken but you can get one out of the "milk and coffee". I was even told it would still be plain, but I was freaking out inside and waiting waaay too long to answer while looking around anxiously..

Or a surprise cake day at work where EVERYONE else will participate and you're expected to, too. Social pressure. The works. Causing me to kinda hide in the bathroom without really saying anything..

None of these things would really have been the end of the world and one could just adjust accordingly later. But it's a surprise. It's unplanned. Unscheduled. How do you deal with it?

[Rant/Rave] You know what literally never works?
Created: Thu Jun 8 10:24:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1zst/you_know_what_literally_never_works/
Eating a ton of food in the morning as an attempt to not eat a ton of food at night.

Never works.

I am a gross garbage monster.

[Discussion] Has anyone else done this? Taking melatonin to go to bed earlier to avoid late night cravings...seems to work so far
Created: Thu Jun 8 09:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1u47/has_anyone_else_done_this_taking_melatonin_to_go/

[Goal] Back on track, big win!
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'4F |121.6lbs | 21.28| 4lbs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 09:20:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1ld7/back_on_track_big_win/
After a month and a half of putting anything I could get my hands on into my mouth, I've FINALLY managed to fast all day yesterday! This is all I needed to reset my appetite and apparently my life.

I've gotten really addicted to watching TV/Movies and I sat about 90% of my day if not more. I really missed reading, I would literally have my book that I was really enjoying sitting right next to me and would still opt for an enormous lunch/dinner while laying in bed watching the boob tube.

Yesterday, I got home from work and went outside and read for about an hour, then, I took my dog for an hour long walk around sun set! Who am I?! This is the person I've missed for a month and a half and could NOT do these simplest of tasks. Can you believe that all of this goodness came from NOT EATING?!

I'm serious guys, the domino effect of restricting leads me to make better choices. And if anyone found out my user name in real life, they would think I was a god damn psychopath.

Obligatory shout out to EC stacks, literally could not have done it without you.

[Discussion] Starting a new job today
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Thu Jun 8 08:57:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g1gak/starting_a_new_job_today/
I'm excited for a few reasons for my new job, better pay, better hour, fewer in person interactions.

But I started my last job at 180lbs. That have seen me lose to 135 lbs. I'll be starting at 135 lbs, so if I lose to 115 they won't think anything of it. I won't get shit for sitting out lunch because they will never know any different. It's like a whole new start.

I'm not the used to be fat girl anymore.

Has anyone else changed their life in a major way like this, and how did it go?

So happy that you don't eat?
Created: Thu Jun 8 07:53:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g12pv/so_happy_that_you_dont_eat/

Used to binge eat out of poor self control.
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0l5g/used_to_binge_eat_out_of_poor_self_control/

What are your favourite excuses for not eating with family/friends?
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:17:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0l26/what_are_your_favourite_excuses_for_not_eating/

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 08, 2017
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:11:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0jvl/weekly_emotional_support_june_08_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Help] I'm really stressed about my birthday
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:10:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0jqn/im_really_stressed_about_my_birthday/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 08, 2017
Created: Thu Jun 8 06:10:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0joo/daily_food_diary_june_08_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 08, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Tip] Recipe for Homemade Cold Brew Coffee
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 05:39:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g0ejf/recipe_for_homemade_cold_brew_coffee/
I know how much we all rely on coffee here. I've recently switched to store bought cold brew mixed with torani sugar free syrups (because I can't seem to trust anyone to make my coffee right). But buying cold brew is expensive. So here is a recipe to make it at home!

It is stupid simple and all you really need is a container and a seive/mesh strainer. I can't wait to try this!


[Other] Maybe this is goodbye?
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 04:01:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6g00tb/maybe_this_is_goodbye/
On mobile flair as rant/rave

Sorry I'm a fragile human being and take every thing seriously. If anyone has seen any of my post in the last week. I struggle a lot. I have some mental baggage and honestly no will to recover right now. I try harm reduction at the most and have been purged free for three weeks now. I don't fit the archetypal diagnosis of an eating disorder because I'm not underweight and I'm a male if anyone didn't know. I've been bulimic for 8 years, I restrict and starve myself and obsess over my weight and appearance. If I didn't have an ED then whatever I am struggling with sure does seem like it. Maybe I am too brooding or pessimistic or negative.

It's been noticeable how much my stuff get downvoted and I guess I am taking that harder and most personal than I should. I have really appreciated anyone who's read on commented on my posts or comments but maybe I don't belong here. I don't know where else to go. I have no friends. I have no real life anymore. Every day I wake up feeling like I wished of all the days I wouldn't. I'm pretty apathetic to living at this point and been on the edge of going back to self harm. Not that it will matter much. Maybe I will lurk but posting has apparently been the wrong choice.

Whoever you are, I am sorry my existence and wanting to fit in diluted your community. I'll go back to loathing alone and in silence. Maybe I can come back and post more when I'm skinny....or maybe I'll just die.

Champagne for the good ones, real pain for the others,

C'est peut-รชtre la fin de mes amis


[Other] Another doodle
Created: Thu Jun 8 03:05:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fztjr/another_doodle/

[Discussion] A new cycle a new opportunity. If anyone else cares
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Thu Jun 8 01:53:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzkip/a_new_cycle_a_new_opportunity_if_anyone_else_cares/
On mobile so please Flair as rant/rave

I guess I have been posting a lot because it helps to get my thoughts out but I also feel like no one really cares. Thanks to anyone who does bother reading this mess of word vomit. You are lovely.

I am nearly 36 hours into a new fast after breaking the last one with a binge. The scale reads a slightly higher number as to be expected but it could still be food or water weight. I am hoping that I can get back on track and cut my losses and learn from my mistakes.

Not sure if anyone read my other post but I have it in me that if I fast, one I will keep getting better at it and my body will get used to it, and two it will help me reach my goal faster by the end of the year or by fall with a few weeks to try maintenance or restricting higher.

I still have a long way to go and am trying to set smaller goals along the way. I want to lose 8 to 10 pounds every two weeks, get 10k to 15k steps in even on my days off. I wish I had an accurate way to track how many calories I burn from walk or exercise.

If anyone else works in a restaurant and can give me a rough estimate of what they think burn in a shift that would give me a better idea. I cook at a restaurant 5 days a week, 8 hours on my feet, walking around and using my hands. I don't know how active my job it. I always feel tired cause 8 hours is quite a bit of time.

I have lots of conflicting feelings. I want to be ok with my weight but I also want to just lose a ton and then have people freak out. I am never going to residential or inpatient treatment again after previous experiences. I would like to get significantly underweight so I know I would have a lower fat percentage. If anyone knows a thing or two about fashion I want to be as close to model-esque as I can.

Yves saint laurent/Heidi Slimane/ saint laurent Paris type model aesthetic. In fact young Yves is one of my biggest thinspirations he was so delicate looking. He also did tons of drugs...

I know that if I lose 20 pounds it's likely I'll weigh less than my younger brother. That is one goal. I guess I want to be the thinnest person in every room. I want to be androgynous and slimmer than the average girl. Kinda fucked I guess.

I feel like being skinny is all I can do right now I have nothing else going for me in my life. I kind of like my job at least cooking as much as it pains me and puts me in a panic. I don't feel attractive. My features are average at best. I don't feel sexy. No one ever flirts with me or hints at any attraction. I don't feel desired as a friend or a person. I feel unwanted and I feel like the only culprit is my stupid fucking fat. As long as I've been fat I have had trouble being social I don't want to be close to anyone physically or emotionally.

I'm still new at my work but no one invites me to stuff. I feel like I wore out my welcome early on. I went to a going away party and got two drunk and stoned and left with no notice cause I was paranoid about doing something stupid when I was drunk. I just feel like my coworkers don't like me and it makes me not like me either. I don't like being fat willow.

I came close to sabotaging myself tonight but alas I didn't. I still have some vegan friend binge food I can't bring myself to throw out yet so it lurks in the kitchen. Instead of binging I chugged a liter of water and took a much needed shower. Naturally the shower was preceeded by vigorous body checking. Every roll. Stretch mark, scar, scrape, burn, lump. I felt so disgusted. Goodbye appetite.

I came up with a brilliant idea for my next day off. I'm going to bus over to the east side, I live in the city and across the lake there is more isolated suburbs and some hiking trails. I will go strand myself and go for a hike. Maybe just enjoy nature. It sounds nice if weather permits.

So that is my rant so far. If anyone reads this. Thank you. If not that's fine too. I already feel insignificant so one other person ignoring me is no biggie,

Heavily yours,


[Humor] When diet soda/coffee/green tea/caffeine are your meals, 3 am is the new midnight
/u/natcatsoup [anxiety | depression | vegetarian]
Created: Thu Jun 8 01:01:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzdiu/when_diet_sodacoffeegreen_teacaffeine_are_your/

[Rant/Rave] I really don't know why I'm so upset by this
Created: Thu Jun 8 00:49:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fzbw5/i_really_dont_know_why_im_so_upset_by_this/
So when I was a kid we had these neighbors and my family was friends with them. They had 2 daughters one a year or two younger than me the other two years older. I always wanted to be like them especially the younger one, they were both so petite and small with nice straight hair. Meanwhile I was a tall, wide, muscular child. She made me feel so big in comparison.

I just remembered her and stalked her on Facebook. She looks exactly the same tiny and pretty and everything I will never be. Seeing her just made me feel so much less about myself. And now I'm crying. I was really not expecting this.

[Other] Date Night
/u/possiblycurious [5'5"| 133| -17lbs| F]
Created: Thu Jun 8 00:11:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fz6iu/date_night/

[Help] Does Kombucha make anyone else super bloated?
Created: Wed Jun 7 21:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fyl42/does_kombucha_make_anyone_else_super_bloated/

[Rant/Rave] When you avoid meeting people until you're just a bit thinner and it backfires:))))
Created: Wed Jun 7 21:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fyh1s/when_you_avoid_meeting_people_until_youre_just_a/
Months later, I've lost and am thinner than I've been in a while. I'm not overweight or anything but I still feel gross. "10 more lbs. That's it. Come on just restrict and work those 10 lbs off hurryhurryhurry you're so close to feeling ok. You don't have forever hurry the fuck up..."

Now he has a gf.

*sigh* Anyway, I'm going to go run or something. Even though I tend to feel bloated after jogging. What the fuck.

[Help] Extremely sore throat, normal?
Created: Wed Jun 7 20:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fy97k/extremely_sore_throat_normal/

[Rant/Rave] Close to 48 hours into a fast and I weigh more than before starting
Created: Wed Jun 7 19:17:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxt4a/close_to_48_hours_into_a_fast_and_i_weigh_more/

[Discussion] Does anyone surround themselves with inspo?
Created: Wed Jun 7 19:11:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxs0p/does_anyone_surround_themselves_with_inspo/
Pictures... Music... Gifs, Videos... Whatever. Do you have a way to make sure you consistently see that inspirational media? I've been feeling so down and off track the past few weeks and then somehow I found myself surrounded by pictures of thin, fit, happy women which really kicked my butt back in gear. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can see this stuff more often and surround my life in it without it being seen as obsessive? I just want to see a constant stream of what I'm capable of.

[Intro] intro/life update/welcome back?
/u/ooo5936 [5'6" | 130lbs | 21.07 | GW: <114 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 18:54:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxopj/introlife_updatewelcome_back/

[Thinspo] Jude Karda (formerly Sarah Marie Karda)
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 17:40:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fxajv/jude_karda_formerly_sarah_marie_karda/

[Help] I have to eat lunch with people every day at work. What can I eat to make it look like I'm eating more?
Created: Wed Jun 7 16:12:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwsgz/i_have_to_eat_lunch_with_people_every_day_at_work/

[Rant/Rave] Second day of holiday and things looking up :)
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Wed Jun 7 15:57:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwpa1/second_day_of_holiday_and_things_looking_up/
Second day of holiday. 17k steps taken. I feel like I barely ate anything today - a beer, a yoghurt, a piece of bread, a third of a cake and half an instant pot of noodles. Put all the calories into MFP with a bit of error margin, and it's about double what I estimated, even on my pretty good-at-estimating mind. Sooooo glad now that I logged it all! My (probably unrealistic plan) is to drop 4 pounds this holiday which would make me so much closer to my goal, and put me on the home run, but this was a great day towards achieving that.

And omg that feeling of emptiness. Nothing beats it. Also my body dysmorphia was under control today. No sudden freak outs in the mirror.

What are your small victories for today, weight loss or otherwise? <3

[Discussion] what food is YOUR obsession?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 15:57:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwp8y/what_food_is_your_obsession/
I go through pickles like crazy, I'm obsessed. low calories and so good what about you?

[Discussion] DAE get alcohol cravings they can't shake? Any tips?
Created: Wed Jun 7 15:17:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fwfx9/dae_get_alcohol_cravings_they_cant_shake_any_tips/

[Rant/Rave] Follow my logic and tell me how crazy I must be.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:45:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw8mw/follow_my_logic_and_tell_me_how_crazy_i_must_be/
On mobile so flair as rant/rave

This last week I fasted for 5 whole days going by consecutive 24 hours from a determined start time.

I don't really know what my weight was at the start because I feel like it fluctuates so much with water and food.

I fasted five days then binged on probably 7000 calories total the next day. So ok add two pounds plus water and food weight.

According to some calculators my TDEE would be between 2200 and 2500 cause I have a sort of active job. So this week fucked me but I can still try to make the most of it. With how far I am behind my goals I need to lose 4 to 5 lbs a week which would be a weekly deficit of my 14000 and the 17500

So in order to manage this I feel like I can keep fasting and get more used to is. If I fast I am theoretically at a 2000 calories deficit for that day plus whatever other exercise outside of normal stuff.

I want to fast 5 to 6 days a week and then allow myself a day or two to eat either 1000 calories or try 500 to 750 each day for two days and then back to fasting.

All of this sounds like I'm biting off more than I can chew but I feel like this has to happen I need to get harder on myself because slow doesn't happen for me. I have to the end of the year to reach my goal and then my only options will be skipping meals and trying to eat matainence for my goal weight which will be hard. I'm hoping to go slightly below my goal so account for fluctuations.

With this all said I could reach close to 150 by July if I lose 20 pounds of so this month or 4 to 5 pounds a week. And puts me close to my goal weight before the holidays where I will need to practice restrict to get through things.

At the end of the year I'm picking up my life and moving to DC to live with my partner who I've known for 5 or 6 years now. They know about my struggles but support me. They will not let me skip meals or fast unless they aren't around.

That is why I feel extra pressure to do all of this now. Now or never. Once I reach my goal weight hopefully I can try eating maintenance or just below to maintain it and practice normal eating for when I do have to eat with people.

The next 3 to 5 months though will be torture though. Is it even possible to lose 4 pounds a week at the rate I am trying? I know in the past I lost a little over 60 in three months early in my disordered days going for from 230 to be 165 and eventually 130.

My ultimate goal is 110 to 115 and to stay between 110 and 120 within that range because it's undeniably underweight territory.

How fucked am I for trying to do all of this? I know I have some will power and do a lot for this disorder. I pretty much lost a lot of my life and passions I feel like once I hit that number maybe I can rebuild the life I always wanted as a skinny me.


[Thinspo] black and white thinspo (some NSFW) enjoy!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:29:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw4z7/black_and_white_thinspo_some_nsfw_enjoy/

[Rant/Rave] The empty feeling is addicting.
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:19:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw2v9/the_empty_feeling_is_addicting/
I'm back from visiting my parents, my roommates have moved out, and I will be here for a month before I move back into my parents.

The first day back I was able to restrict so easily without having to worry about others and damn did it feel good. Does anyone just love the feeling of being empty? Like even the hunger pains make me giddy. This is my first time being/living alone for longer than a couple days, and don't get me wrong I feel hella lonely, but man is it easy to restrict now and it's bringing me so much comfort.

Anyway, I missed this sub and all of you. I hope everyone is doing well.

[Rant/Rave] So...
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:18:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw2fo/so/
I told my dentist and dental hygienist about my bulimia and I feel this weird sense of relief

I adore my hygienist.

[Rant/Rave] Well, that's motivation. Odd, but hey...
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 14:08:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fw01w/well_thats_motivation_odd_but_hey/
To be clear to start: the following events are probably more stressful on my friend than myself so I'm being a whiny little shit more than anything.

I've had fridge issues since shortly after moving into my current place. I thought it was over, but nope. I will be fridgeless again starting tonight through...? So the stress hit of not having one, maneuvering around another person's schedule, and the magical phrase: lack of control. First thought: well, guess it's fasting time!

I didn't want to go straight back to that so fast, as I'm worried about binging and purging, but honestly there's enough other crap going on that's stressing me out (money, car shit, failing terribly at all the shit I'm doing right now) that my appetite is shot to shit. The only reason I'm even doing dinner tonight is because there will be less to just throw out. I hate being a burden on anyone else and I don't want to have to barge in (I live in a garage apartment) on my friend to do basic stuff. I also feel like a huge dick for being frustrated with the situation because I know she's doing everything in her power to manage it and it's seriously been a clusterfuck. I feel bad she has to worry about it at all, that me being frustrated is just feels juvenile.

Ugh. Well if it's motivation to drop some more weight there's the bright side.

[Rant/Rave] EC stacks and the god awful smell?
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~55.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:40:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvthj/ec_stacks_and_the_god_awful_smell/
Why do they smell so bad? Why do they make me smell so bad?

I gag when I smell them at this point. I can smell them on my breath and (tmi) in my pee.

WHY? :(

[Discussion] (tw?) DAE feel like if it werenโ€™t for certain "problem areas," they wouldnโ€™t have such disordered eating?
/u/dontthinkineedyou [๐ŸŒฑ 5'4 | F | GW: 107 ๐ŸŒป]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:32:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvriw/tw_dae_feel_like_if_it_werent_for_certain_problem/
Hi everyone. Full disclosure, I donโ€™t have an ED, but I do think Iโ€™ve developed some disordered eating habits and this seems like one of the few places on reddit I can discuss it.

Iโ€™m an obsessive, impatient perfectionist, and my newest fixation is getting rid of my fat stomach and thunder thighs. The problem is, weight loss is a bitch and the physics of it practically make it impossible for me to lose weight the โ€œrightโ€ way. I canโ€™t healthily lose more than like 1.5 pounds a week without eating less than 1200 calories, which I guess is a no-no.

The problem is, if I use a healthy deficit, Iโ€™ll make it to 120 pounds (which still isnโ€™t good enough, I think I need to be <110) some time in the winter? Iโ€™m not waiting until fucking November????? That kind of slow progress triggers the hell out of my anxiety because weight can naturally fluctuate more than a pound in a DAY. Plus with plateaus and whatnot, how can I even be sure that Iโ€™m making any progress. And if Iโ€™m going to go through the trouble of no longer eating carefree, I want to see the results. I donโ€™t feel like I have any choice but to heavily restrict. I need to see more concrete results.

I also feel like Eve, who ate the forbidden fruit (which probs wasnโ€™t worth the calories). My whole understanding of nutrition has been expanded and now I canโ€™t eat half the things I used to, and if I donโ€™t have the nutritional information for something, I just wonโ€™t eat it anymore. I love my momโ€™s cooking but sheโ€™s so imprecise about what she puts in her food I just wonโ€™t eat anything that has too many ingredients in it because trying to calculate everything causes physical discomfort lol.

Recently, my mom and I were sitting in a doctorโ€™s office and I told her I needed to save money so I could buy a digital food scale and a digital body weight scale instead of the analog ones I have. She was like, why does it need to be so exact, just estimate, and I swear, I almost snapped in the office lmao. Thereโ€™s a difference between 139.9 and 140.1, and I NEED TO KNOW. Pffft.

It seems so silly because Iโ€™m pretty sure itโ€™s only my stomach and thighs that trigger it. Would I like smaller arms? More prominent collar bones? Better calves? Sure. But I think I could have worked diligently toward those. My stomach and thighs though, they have made me crazy.

Again, I feel bad posting in here because I havenโ€™t been diagnosed with anything but I feel like I canโ€™t talk about this openly anywhere else.

[Discussion] How long was your longest plateau?
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 119 | UGW: 115 | 18.7 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:17:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvo3k/how_long_was_your_longest_plateau/
Because holy hell. I've been fluctuating the same three pounds for over three weeks now and I've been eating *at least* five hundred calories under my TDEE every day for, well, a very long time. And that's my ceiling for the very most I'll eat and I rarely hit it and my weight just. isn't. changing.

It's legit driving me nuts.

[Rant/Rave] I don't wanna b/p
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 143 | -22 | HW: 172 | GW: 125 | 20F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 13:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvmrs/i_dont_wanna_bp/
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me because nothing has even happened today. It's 3 pm and I just woke up an hour ago and I have that i-hate-everything-about-myself-why-am-i-even-here feeling in the pit of my stomach and all I want to do is order a pizza and eat the whole thing and throw it back up. I'm rationally aware that i'll probably just end up sobbing on the bathroom floor afterwards but I just... real life is too much. I don't even want to exist right now. And a teeny tiny part of me knows that if I b/p then at least I'll forget that I exist until I'm done, even if it'll be worse afterwards.

[Discussion] CeleXa (antidepressant) - what to expect?
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'2 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Wed Jun 7 12:41:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fvfhv/celexa_antidepressant_what_to_expect/
Hey guys,

Just want to say I love you all so much. You're all my home away from home and I legitimately do look forward to coming to this sub to open myself up about my feelings. thoughts and deepest emotions.

Anyways, I had a doctors appointment yesterday. This doctor knows me (and my history) very well. In the last year or so, I have been suffering from extreme depression, which had led me to ask my doctor about antidepressants. She first mentioned that she would prescribe Prozac, which I said I was weary about given that my one friend tried it and balooned in weight. So, she started to say she would prescribe me Wellbutrin, but stopped in her tracks as she mentioned it would not be a good idea given my ED history.

(*sidenote*: my doctor said "I wouldn't prescribe this one to you given that you had an eating disorder.... I know you dont have one now") lol are you fucking kidding me? I suppose she assumed this because I am not looking like a skeleton anymore and am at a healthy weight but *holyfuckingshit*

Anyways, she prescribed me Celexa. I have been reading reviews and it seems like its a mixed pile of reviews on the side effects, but I can't deny that I am scared I will gain weight. UGH!!!
Today is day one and I am only starting with taking half a pill every day. She mentioned I may have either drowsiness or insomnia. So far I am just tired and nauseous.

Anyone else have any experience?

[Help] Bathing suit stress
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 11:13:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6futyt/bathing_suit_stress/
I just found out I have to be in a bathing suit TWICE in the next couple days..

Once for lifeguarding recertification. Another time for my boyfriend's birthday, we're going to the beach.

I did NOT have enough time to mentally (or physically) prepare for this. I feel like a blob in my bathing suit. I can't even look at myself. I'm so stressed and so bloated because I'm also on my period (is this a joke!?)..

Someone please just calm me down. Tell me I'm freaking out over nothing and that no one besides me cares what I look like in my stupid bathing suit.

[Rant/Rave] Got the stomach flu and gained 5 lbs
Created: Wed Jun 7 11:08:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fusvc/got_the_stomach_flu_and_gained_5_lbs/
I was 5 lbs away from my goal weight and I hadn't eaten at all that morning and then I felt nauseous and ran to throw up some diet soda. I felt so horribly sick. My fucked up voice in my head was like, "great! I can just stick to jello and soup and no one will notice, I better go weigh myself now to see what I'm at now." By the way I've havent been eating the past couple days I should've been 103 or 102 but the scale fucking said 105. I tried eating soup later and puked that.up because I could not keep it down because of my flu. Then the scale said 106. I have never felt like such a failure before in my life. What's even worse was my stomach was so.empty I actually wanted to be able to eat liquid foods. But I didn't want anymore water weight. Why is this happening? Don't people lose weight when they get the flu, not gain it? I worked days of starvation to get that far and now thats just gone down the toilet.

[Thinspo] K-Pop Thinspo: How teeny tiny Kim Chungha is next to her backup dancers (pretty video too!)
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 130 lbs | -21 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.09 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 10:58:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fuqi3/kpop_thinspo_how_teeny_tiny_kim_chungha_is_next/

[Rant/Rave] Ashley Graham
Created: Wed Jun 7 09:05:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftzxz/ashley_graham/

[Discussion] Feeling ill at work the third day in a row. Distract me with something you're looking forward to!
Created: Wed Jun 7 09:04:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftzjo/feeling_ill_at_work_the_third_day_in_a_row/

[Thinspo] This photo of Kyle Jenner sums up what I want to look like. Ugh
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:58:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fty1i/this_photo_of_kyle_jenner_sums_up_what_i_want_to/

[Rant/Rave] Longterm plateau.
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:57:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftxwd/longterm_plateau/
So I've lost 35 pounds since January. I try to have 800 calories every day, so either I eat only around 800 or I eat more and work out to make the deficit 800. I rarely eat over 1200 calories, even in days I work out a lot. I do have cheat days where I eat whatever because I can be strict only for so long, plus my boyfriend eats normal and I see pretty much every meal he eats and I get jealous of all the food. I'm also vegan and he's not, so I also get cravings for meat and cheese when he eats them, so I indulge in vegan substitutes from time to time. I used to only do cardio, but I've recently started doing pilates so I can actually have muscle to burn more calories. I haven't lost much weight in two months, maybe like 6 pounds, compared to what I used to lose, which was like 10 pounds a months. I'm eating less and exercising more, so I don't understand why I'm barely losing weight now. It can't be all muscle gain, can it? Also my hair is falling out now, so that's fun ๐Ÿ˜ค anyone have any insight or tips to get over my slump?
HW : 163 LW : 97 CW: 127 GW : 103

[Discussion] Physical evidence of bingeing (that isn't weight)
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:49:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftw9p/physical_evidence_of_bingeing_that_isnt_weight/
Just like restricting, fasting, and purging, bingeing leaves physical evidence that isn't all weight related. Here are some of mine. What are yours?

* having a sink full of dishes or a bunch of takeout trash and feeling too sick to clean it up
* greasy skin and breakouts from massive quantities of junk food
* dry skin and hair because why hydrate when you can shovel more food in your mouth
* general moodiness due to shame
* stomach problems flaring up because you ate something you were intolerant/allergic to
* stomach pain from all the "damage control"

On mobile, please flair as discussion.

[Rant/Rave] [Vent] I'm losing my hair. I bought a wig.
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW:103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Jun 7 08:25:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ftqno/vent_im_losing_my_hair_i_bought_a_wig/
I've recently discovered that I am still losing my hair. I won't sugarcoat this: several hairbrush-fulls fall out every time I brush my hair. It comes out in strands when I wash it. Apparently every time I fast I lose more and it could take up to 6 months to even begin to grow back, according to some Internet sources. Even if I were to give it my all, just one day of fasting several months in could reset the clock. I'm probably going to go bald. So, I mean, you do what you can with what you have, so I've swallowed my pride and ordered a wig.

Fuck heart attacks; THIS is suffering. I'm not scared anymore about the fact that my chest is sore and what if it's my heart. I'm scared about my hair because priorities.

I'm not even underweight. How and why the godforsaken fuck is this happening to me???

[Discussion] Anyone else eat a lot of ice?
Created: Wed Jun 7 07:45:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fti51/anyone_else_eat_a_lot_of_ice/
I've always had a compulsion to eat ice. I've read that it's a symptom of being anemic, which I usually am, but I often eat a whole glass of it as a "snack." Sometimes multiple times a day, since I was a kid.

Am I just weird?

[Discussion] The wonderful feeling when...
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 07:01:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft9kv/the_wonderful_feeling_when/
the more people comment that you're getting too thin, the fatter you feel and the more food anxiety you battle everyday wondering if you underestimated your calories and start feeling bad when you're full even if it's from chugging water :/ Why can't people just keep their comments to themselves?!? (Said knowing full well they don't control me but maybe you guys get it)

[Humor] Let's just talk about jeans
/u/Skinnytw [5'6 | 109 | 17.57 | F]
Created: Wed Jun 7 06:16:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft1gu/lets_just_talk_about_jeans/
Puts on jeans: Whoa, these are really loose! Seems like I lost weight!

Washes jeans: Shit, I gained! These are tight as hell!

Wears jeans for a few days: Whoa, these are really loose! Seems like I lost weight again!

.... Repeat

This is messing with my head... Big time

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 07, 2017
Created: Wed Jun 7 06:11:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft0mh/daily_food_diary_june_07_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 07, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday June 07, 2017
Created: Wed Jun 7 06:11:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ft0g6/way_to_go_wednesday_june_07_2017/
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 07, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Rant/Rave] I am tired of hearing this naturally skinny girl brag about her size.
Created: Wed Jun 7 03:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fsenz/i_am_tired_of_hearing_this_naturally_skinny_girl/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm tired of hearing this naturally skinny girl brag about her size.
Created: Wed Jun 7 03:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fse9c/rant_im_tired_of_hearing_this_naturally_skinny/

[Rant/Rave] My mood now completely depends on the number I see on the scale in the morning, great
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Jun 7 01:58:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fs1ka/my_mood_now_completely_depends_on_the_number_i/
So I didn't lose any weight since yesterday despite restricting and now I'm legit miserable. Everything seems meaningless and I don't feel like doing anything at all. Like, to the point where I might as well just sit there and stare into space.

I guess my obsession with weight loss works as kind of a barrier between me and my depression. It gives me a false sense of accomplishment when in reality I still remain as unaccomplished as it gets. And when it doesn't work all of the shitty feelings come right back. Or I just feel numb again, like today.

I'm actually thinking of setting a time period when I won't weigh myself at all. Like, at least for a week at first. Has anybody here tried something like that? Did it help at all?

[Tip] Here's a ton of recipes all between 100 and 500 cals!
/u/fuckincaillou [5'6 | 130 | BMI: 21.89 | -20lb]
Created: Tue Jun 6 23:13:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6freqk/heres_a_ton_of_recipes_all_between_100_and_500/

[Help] Losing sensation in my hands sometimes?
Created: Tue Jun 6 23:08:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fre0z/losing_sensation_in_my_hands_sometimes/

[Help] How do you guys stay hydrated?
Created: Tue Jun 6 22:53:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6frbpk/how_do_you_guys_stay_hydrated/
I know I'm dehydrated as fuck.
A lot of times I forgot to drink. Days I do get enough water gives me incentive to purge because it's easier when I've been drinking water.

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel convinced that they're eating way more calories than they really are?
Created: Tue Jun 6 22:43:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fra3y/dae_feel_convinced_that_theyre_eating_way_more/

[Rant/Rave] Some people need to keep their mouths shut
Created: Tue Jun 6 22:10:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fr4xg/some_people_need_to_keep_their_mouths_shut/
I was at work today just minding my own business and some guy had the nerve to call me thick. What the fuck makes someone think that that's an appropriate way to approach someone?!? I'm down to a size 6 and this fucker makes me question just how big I still am. Honestly, it's ruined my entire day and I ended up skipping lunch and dinner. I have, however, managed to cry into a pint of Halo Top. Seriously random guy, you're a fucking asshole.

[Other] Lose It just called me the hell out on my binge/restrict cycle
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 21:59:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fr2tz/lose_it_just_called_me_the_hell_out_on_my/

[Discussion] How much does your weight fluctuate?
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 49.5kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 21:44:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fr0cq/how_much_does_your_weight_fluctuate/
For me, on average it's from 0.5 kg to 1.5 kg. Might go up to 3 (ugh I know) if I binge a shitton and drink too much water at the same time.

Otherwise if I'm eating at maintenance or just a little above 1000 calories, that's where I assume my weight will be.

[Help] is this urge to eat from restricting?
Created: Tue Jun 6 21:15:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqvbn/is_this_urge_to_eat_from_restricting/

[Discussion] EDNOS Treatment
/u/tootiredrn [5'4" | CW 159.6 | -10.4 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 20:44:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqpcz/ednos_treatment/
Has anyone gone through EDNOS treatment with medications successfully? Hoping for a positive story here if anyone has one/knows if anyone, even any bloggers or something have one!

I have been on an SSRI with no behavioral changes for months and am beginning to feel hopeless that no treatment is going to work for me and I am going to be stuck with my weight bungying around 10-15 lbs and self hatred right there along with increasing food issues.

On mobile can't flair.

[Other] I donated blood for the first time
/u/imnevergold [170 | CW 55 | GW 47 | F |]
Created: Tue Jun 6 20:33:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqn8z/i_donated_blood_for_the_first_time/
I donated blood for the first time four days ago. I didn't feel faint, I didn't feel dizzy, it was a really nice experience. Recently I downloaded the Red Cross app and found out I'm blood type O+. I'm glad that I'm a semi useful blood type, but also really sad that I'm not O-. The thing is that before this donation I really wanted to be 5'7 and 103 lbs because I have an Audrey Hepburn obsession. After donating blood I really want to stay above or at least close to 110lbs so I can continue to donate blood, even if I'm not as useful as I would like to be.

[Other] I ate at maintenance today
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Tue Jun 6 20:32:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqn2k/i_ate_at_maintenance_today/
I haven't felt this good in weeks!! I've been feeling so weak lately and I can barely walk or use the stairs without feeling like I'm gonna die. I've also had such a nasty attitude these days because of the restricting.

I know I'm going to regret it in a few minutes, as I always do, but I don't know any better. I feel like a child that I should take care of, one that doesn't know what's good for her and needs to be forced to do stuff or else she'll die. I don't care how bad I'll feel afterwards. I did a good thing today for my body without going too overboard, and I'm proud of myself.

Future me, if you're reading this and are feeling depressed about eating over 0 calories today, then too fucking bad.

[Rant/Rave] I should have weighed myself when I had the chance
Created: Tue Jun 6 19:55:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqfq1/i_should_have_weighed_myself_when_i_had_the_chance/
I went to visit my family & friends back home & kind of expected a relapse when I returned to my apartment in my college town. I purposely did not weigh myself there so that I wouldn't make things worse for myself. I don't have a scale here in my apartment & now I'm going fucking crazy not knowing how much I weigh. The last time I stepped on a scale was in January & I could be anywhere within this 20 pound range. I've been pissed off all day. I feel like I'm insane

[Other] supposed to eat healthy foods for maintenance today...
Created: Tue Jun 6 19:52:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fqewg/supposed_to_eat_healthy_foods_for_maintenance/

[Rant/Rave] Photo for family sends me into a panic of self loathing.
Created: Tue Jun 6 18:44:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fq1y6/photo_for_family_sends_me_into_a_panic_of_self/
Hi y'all! Long time lurker here. Finally getting the courage for my first post.
I guess I should preface by saying I've lost 62 pounds and what started with best of intentions has spiraled out of control and I could really use some support right now. (If anything isn't allowed mods please feel free to message me)

Anyway, my family is leaving for a trip up to see other family members and i unfortunately can't attend. But since I'm not going my mom begged me to let her take a photo of me to show the family. Of course I was hesitant because I hate having my body photographed. But alas I relent, and I let her take one picture.

She sends it to me via text message and my god I look just as awful as 62 pounds ago. It hurt me so bad. I feel horrible. I didn't tell her because she said I look really cute and she would be really upset if I asked her to delete it.

I hate how shit like this just wrecks my day. I feel like I've come so far and have nothing to show for it.

I'm sorry for being a big cry baby y'all. I just really needed to vent.

[the photo that really chaps my ass](https://imgur.com/a/2eVKd)

[Discussion] DAE gets upset when the food you planned to eat is not as good as it should've been
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 18:17:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpwzb/dae_gets_upset_when_the_food_you_planned_to_eat/
I planned my calories today just to eat a dish I was going to cook for dinner, but I'm an idiot and messed up the whole thing and the food I made was disgusting, I was tearing up as I was throwing it away lol

I'm just so upset about it, I want to go to get binge food, binge and cry some more ๐Ÿ˜ข

[Discussion] Muscle atrophy or just weak from restricting?
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpou4/muscle_atrophy_or_just_weak_from_restricting/
Just a week ago I hit a goal weight of 130 lbs and have sense set a new goal weight of 125 lbs. Since I hit the 130 mark though, I have been finding more and more physical labor at work and at home a lot harder. My muscles feel more sore for a longer period of time, and things like just going up stairs wind me. I have never felt so excitedly scared before. Happy I am hitting my goals, but scared of long term muscle damage. Besides going to a doctor for an opinion, are there any ways to figure out if it is just being tired from restriction or it is muscles deteriorating?

Sorry for no flair. Mobile.

[Rant/Rave] First day of holiday... mixed results
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:31:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpnqg/first_day_of_holiday_mixed_results/
Flair not working so please add rant rave

I put on a nice dress and felt pretty cute and imagined I did.
Then I caught sight of myself in a mirror in an elevator and actually gasped out loud. My dysmorphia is pretty bad at best of times, but I looked more than 3x the size I normally do. I felt like my entire vision of myself fell apart. Yet again.

A lot of people have been commenting to me lately how thin I'm getting. So today I caught sight of a model on an advert - in all honestly her body in the picture just felt like it was mocking the size I was. I could tell she was probably 16 or 17 bmi. As a test I pointed and said 'I'll lose weight when I get to that stage'. And to my surprise, everyone agreed that seemed sensible. Even though I could see how underweight she was, no one else could. And in fact agreed that would be a sensible weight to get to. I feel legitimised in an odd way? Maybe they're the ones with the disordered body images not me? Maybe people can't see how thin others are when they're on huge bill boards?

I feel so weird.

[Discussion] Tell me something good, something fucked, and something confusing as hell.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpnlt/tell_me_something_good_something_fucked_and/
It's 1:30am and I'm wound up. Instead of pacing the room, I've decided to try to see what others think about random things. Can be ED related or anything in life.

Just did my waist measurement and I want to die. Lmao.
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:07:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fpir0/just_did_my_waist_measurement_and_i_want_to_die/

[Discussion] What are your monthly goals?
/u/NotStephany [5'5| too fat | 34.68 | -90lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 17:03:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fphvo/what_are_your_monthly_goals/
Id like to loose atleast another 10 pounds before the month is over. If i want to come even close to this achievement I'm going to have to really work hard.

What about you guys?

[Discussion] HAE ever been unable to sleep because they were obsessing too much about their weight
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Tue Jun 6 16:02:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fp4mj/hae_ever_been_unable_to_sleep_because_they_were/
and then when they finally did get some sleep they dreamed about people calling them fat?

asking for a friend

[Rant/Rave] High restriction works
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 15:29:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fox3c/high_restriction_works/
In order to stop binging and purging I'm on day 4 of keeping my calorie count ~1,400 max and exercising. Today all of my normal meals are incredibly filling and I really don't want to eat that much. I'll probably start cutting back tomorrow. I have had moments when I had urges to binge and purge out of boredom... but I've been able to avoid it. My entire being today is yelling to go back to restricting more, and I couldn't be happier.

Yea, 1,400 feels like an astronomical amount and part of me thinks that I've gained. I'm trying to remember that I was on a 1,900 calorie MINIMUM meal plan and maintained. So hopefully I can undo some of the damage I've done binging and purging for a week.


[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'll never been thin
Created: Tue Jun 6 15:27:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fowmi/i_feel_like_ill_never_been_thin/

[Rant/Rave] i just tried to take a selfie in a mirror and my camera broke it's a sign
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Tue Jun 6 14:07:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fodpp/i_just_tried_to_take_a_selfie_in_a_mirror_and_my/
that i should stop even trying ๐Ÿ˜†

i haven't even looked in a mirror for more than a glance in months and i don't...look good. like my hair is dull, my eyes look tired and i'm pale. like a shell of a human. i'd post a picture but they just showed up as all gray

this is why all the photos on my camera roll are memes

[Discussion] It's not that I hate food. I love food.
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:31:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fo52b/its_not_that_i_hate_food_i_love_food/

[Rant/Rave] Ah, summer. The time when everything goes to shit
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:19:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fo277/ah_summer_the_time_when_everything_goes_to_shit/
My boarding home closes during the summer meaning I'll be with my grandma and sister for most of the time until it opens again.

My sister knows I have a history of eating issues. I know I have an eating disorder, I do everything a bulimic does. I just don't feel as if though I'm sick enough to call myself bulimic.

Anyway, my sister knows I have eating issues. When I'm around her, she's always supervising me and asking if I've eaten. And when we eat meals together (which is almost never because I avoid it at all costs) she watches me very closely.

This fucking sucks. But on the flip side of things, she'll be gone to Portugal for 2 weeks meaning it'll just be me and my grandma and she's oblivious to everything lol

[Discussion] i thought i was done with my eating problems
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:08:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnzh7/i_thought_i_was_done_with_my_eating_problems/

[Goal] like waiting for christmas morning, my thigh gap is ALMOST HERE
Created: Tue Jun 6 13:07:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnz86/like_waiting_for_christmas_morning_my_thigh_gap/

[Discussion] counting calories when bored/using it as a way to reduce anxiety?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 12:56:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnwga/counting_calories_when_boredusing_it_as_a_way_to/
does anyone else count calories/plan potential low-calorie food combinations when bored/slightly anxious/just out of total habit? i've been focusing so much on not counting calories, and haven't for stuff like meals out (for the first time in a long time whoo!!), but when i'm bored or get anxious at night, i'll count/recount how much i've eaten (lately not much) or plan future meal combinations and count those calories. i feel like it's counterproductive to stopping calorie counting ahh does anyone else do this and not necessarily stress about it (the number of calories isn't really making me anxious) but just do it out of habit?

[Help] I don't trust my scale. Anyone else have 2 or more and compare?
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9/18.5 | -59 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 12:46:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnu0p/i_dont_trust_my_scale_anyone_else_have_2_or_more/
Yeah I know it's fucked but it seems to jump wildly all over the place and it stresses me out so much. I feel thinner but when I step on the scale it reminds me that I'm not "thin" yet. I'm SO CLOSE to a thigh gap and I need to know where I'm at.

[Rant/Rave] Should I do it or...?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 12:21:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fnnys/should_i_do_it_or/
This is going to be a long one so I'm sorry in advance, but I wanted to talk a little bit about what's been on my mind lately, and you guys are the people that I trust will understand or at least be willing to listen.
If you're the sort of person who notices usernames when people post things (are some people like that? I never pay attention to that kind of thing), you might know that I've been considering two things as of late; recovery and cryolipolysis (Coolsculpt or whatever). I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of counting calories and checking my weight and denying myself food and feeling guilty about everything I eat, and I think I can let go of the more ED fixations I have ("I have to be 99 pounds because that's under 100 and everyone will think I'm so small and worry about me and ask how I eat so much and stay so thin"). Mostly I'm tired of trying and trying and trying and not seeing any progress on the scale, even when I'm eating nothing and exercising two hours a day, which has been a problem for me for months.
So that's all well and good- I've put away my scale and I'm focusing on letting myself eat maintenance amount of calories. I've even had two weeks recently where I didn't count, just let myself eat the way the rest of my family and friends were eating. I still sort of have the feeling I've gained and I'm afraid to check the scale, but I'm not going to do it because I'm trying to let go of the idea that the number matters.
The problem is this. I still hate my hips and thighs. I've hated them for over a decade, before I even started having disordered thoughts or trying to lose weight. And that makes me wonder which came first- if I was always going to have an ED or if those behaviors were my increasingly desperate way of trying to get rid of a part of me that feels "wrong". It's not even that my hips and thighs are fat, necessarily, just that they are so much bigger than the rest of my body. Even when I wear high heels, I feel much better because then things look "right" or in proportion the way I expect them to.
Because of that, I've been considering my options for making them look the way I want. I've finally gotten to the point where I could afford what I would want, but it's still expensive enough for me to hesitate. I worry that I'll have it done and that then my fixation will just change to a different part of my body, or that I'll think they still don't look "right", or that I'll find out that I actually do just want to be teeny-tiny and it didn't do anything, or that I'll do it and then wish I could have all my weight in my thighs again but it won't be reversible. And then I worry that I should be learning to *love myself* and all my *flaws* and be more *body positive*, and that my fixation on my legs looking the way I want them to is just a result of *media pressure* and *society* or whatever. I also feel like I wouldn't know how to talk to my friends and family about it, even though most of them have had some sort of procedure done that's at least partially for cosmetic reasons.
I guess I was hoping that someone would be able to help me figure out how to think this through, or what your opinions are on procedures/beauty standards/body positivity/etc.?
Sorry again for length! I guess I just needed to get all this off my chest.

[Discussion] DAE get suuuuper bitchy after long restriction?
Created: Tue Jun 6 11:15:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fn7qw/dae_get_suuuuper_bitchy_after_long_restriction/
On mobile, flair DAE/discussion

I'm finally figuring out WHY exactly ED has ruined my past relationships


I become a fucking monster when I have been restricting for awhile

So this time, I'm gonna allow myself a smol break of intuitive eating. (Or maybe just try maintenance? LOL cuz that always works out so well for me /s)

I already got down to my first GW, I need to get my head right so I don't push this boy away

I'm posting here to keep myself accountable

[Rant/Rave] I am afraid of the dentist
Created: Tue Jun 6 10:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fn2q3/i_am_afraid_of_the_dentist/
I only purge occasionally so its not like my teeth are super damaged, they are nice and straight and I have only gotten 2 cavities in my entire life. I don't have a reason to avoid the dentist, not really. I feel like she'll be able to tell I purge and not only tell my parents but also mock me because i'm overweight.

But I feel my teeth hurting and know its my wisdom teeth pushing and jerking around and I'm terrified. Its irrational but god I can't help it. Many of us would be excited because it means having them removed and not being able to eat because of the pain but I if anything I feel like my mom would be over me, making sure I actually ate something. Also I could deal with not having chipmunk cheeks when I celebrate my birthday on the weekend, but at least i may have an excuse not to eat then.

Rant over I feel so much better lmao, its nice being able to talk about this here because I can't really anywhere else.

[Rant/Rave] I just want to be small...
Created: Tue Jun 6 10:09:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmriq/i_just_want_to_be_small/

[Discussion] best poop foods (TMI)
/u/foodfornot [5'3" | CW 122 | LW 111 | | HW 142 | 26F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 09:30:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmhx7/best_poop_foods_tmi/
When I do digest food, I weirdly track my BMs. I like to know when food comes out so I know I am empty. It's to the point where I don't like certain foods just bc of how they affect my business...

My favorites are: quinoa (TMI: you can see it), prunes (duh), anything an obvious color (carrots), and triscuits (6 are 120 cal).

The worst are: nuts (ouch!) and any kind of sugar free candy. I once "binged" (planned so not real but you know) on boxes of sugar free cookies, sugar free gummy bears, etc. and was up all night debating going to the hospital... it was a "gummy bear cleanse" for sure. So horrible.

Share your favorite foods and be gross with me ;P

[Help] Does anyone else get really bingey in the morning?
Created: Tue Jun 6 09:17:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmezd/does_anyone_else_get_really_bingey_in_the_morning/
This is my biggest weakness. When I wake up hungry it's super common for me to eat 600+ calories. Eating all of my food in the morning makes the day really hard, and going to bed hungry is no fun.

How do you avoid this?

[Rant/Rave] Finally got a psychiatrist appointment
/u/squishysponges [18F|5'5"|GW 110]
Created: Tue Jun 6 09:07:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fmcnq/finally_got_a_psychiatrist_appointment/
Hey lovelies! It's been a while since I posted but if you remember me you know I have a terrible binging and restricting problem. I finally found a psychiatrist to go to so maybe I can fix that binging part so I can restrict like I used to, along with my anxiety too. The appointment is next Monday. Wish me luck!!! โค (edit: mods please flair as rant/rave! On mobile, sorry!!!)

[Discussion] I want people to ask me if I'm okay.
Created: Tue Jun 6 08:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fm45u/i_want_people_to_ask_me_if_im_okay/

[Rant/Rave] [Rave/Rant] Today I binged ๐Ÿ˜
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 08:19:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fm1sn/raverant_today_i_binged/
Today I binged... and it's ok.

Haha. Yes. I said I would not. I said I would fast today. Well. I didn't. Because ffs. I haven't been in a city for 3 months.

I ate a kilo of empanada with seafood. 6 long pralines. One creme filled chocolate covered pastry. A real croissant. I had a half a liter of horchata. A whipped cream profiterole.

Then I felt like falafel and chicken. I went for it. I got a little sick after that honestly. So I sat down at a bar and ordered a beer. The girl knew I was hungry for more and made me some cheese filled fried dough and some anchovy pastry. Thanks. That's just what I needed.

I also said I would eat for four days. I didn't. I ate two. The other two I fasted. So that might be a good rule. Two on. Two off. I believe, that walking around with a 15kg+ backpack probably makes me burn more, right?

Today the binge felt good. I was sitting on that bench in the middle of the city, eating this profiterole, licking my fingers like the dirty little cunt that I am.... and I really was having a foodgasm.

So is this intuitive eating? No. Do I regret? Well... I counted the calories, so yes, there are non left for the week. But it felt so good. So: no. What will I do tomorrow? Probably fast.

[Discussion] Y'all ever experience any triggering TV shows?
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | CW: 121.0 | GW: 115]
Created: Tue Jun 6 07:09:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flnl9/yall_ever_experience_any_triggering_tv_shows/
I guess this is a "good" problem to have, 'cause I don't think I've actually been so triggered by a TV show before. Usually my own lack of self confidence and anxiety are triggering enough. :D

ANYway, I was having a really good week of restricting and my mom and I decided to order dinner, have some wine and watch Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23.

I can't put my finger on it, but I think it's a combination of how drop dead gorgeous all of the girls are, and how rail thin they are, and then they just casually joke about EDs? Like it's not a plot, they just sort of sprinkled it into the script in the first few episodes?

Whatever, I originally got a box of healthy-ish Mediterranean food and only planned to eat a little, but you know how it goes. I had to turn the show off after I finished the entire box and a ton of bread (which I usually flat out avoid as much as possible.) I felt like I was in a trance. I ended up b/p-ing 3-4 times that night.

I know yesterday someone mentioned Bob's Burgers kinda triggered them. Do you guys have any shows that rub you the wrong way?

[Goal] I need help reaching my goal! Visual motivation, accountability buddies, anything.
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:46:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flj87/i_need_help_reaching_my_goal_visual_motivation/

[Other] I have to confess something terrible
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:41:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flidb/i_have_to_confess_something_terrible/
Last time I was at the doctor like 6 months ago I had lost a bunch of weight since the doctor before. We had a little family diabetes talk. I jokingly said what about the good kind where you eat all day and get thin?

It's insensitive

My best friend and sort of exgf before I moved had type I. Insulin pump the works. She loses weight every day. I KNOW she's not healthy. I see pictures of her now vs when I was with her 3 years ago and if I didn't know her I'd think she had an eating disorder. Instead I know she's slamming ice cream ho hos and alcohol

And I'm fucking

I'm glad I got that off my chest and I'm sorry

I get the need to vent about your story info stuff it goes on. I swear I understand and a lot of it is helpful to learn.. (all of you) BUT I am no doctor!

and I totally get it.

It's not why I posted and now and I KNOWWW stuff gets derailed its totally fine!! 1k ppl have viewed this.

.. j just feel bad.. like. why am I such a shitty friend, this is bad.. I do know these things.

I now just feel like a motherfucker

but get it out I'm not saying not to stifle yourself.

I'm just saying her loss has me jealous. Seeing her although it hurts my heart makes me want her body. Idk. I feel like shit now.

Idk the words to say here

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A June 06, 2017
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:10:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flctn/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_june_06_2017/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 06, 2017
Created: Tue Jun 6 06:10:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6flct4/daily_food_diary_june_06_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 06, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Good morning, lovelies
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 05:24:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fl5bb/good_morning_lovelies/
I was browsing NoSleep just now and it kinda hit me that I'm afraid to post on other subreddits. I used to post on fatlogic all the time, even post short stories I wrote. Now I rarely leave here. I'm just anxious about someone creeping on my post history and downvoting everything, or coming on here to bug us. Or rejecting everything I say because I'm subscribed here. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Other] I over ate this morning but instead of beating myself up about it I focused on the positive and I feel SO much better for it!!!
Created: Tue Jun 6 04:35:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fky8j/i_over_ate_this_morning_but_instead_of_beating/

[Discussion] Regarding CICO - better to restrict lower, or eat more and exercise more?
/u/nicfrae [5'7 | BMI 20.7 | GW<115lbs | -73lbs | F 24]
Created: Tue Jun 6 04:15:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fkveg/regarding_cico_better_to_restrict_lower_or_eat/

[Discussion] DAE lose self-control around friends?
/u/TheMostExoticFlower [5'4 | -55lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jun 6 03:34:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fkq0u/dae_lose_selfcontrol_around_friends/
It's so much easier for me to eat around my friends, something about social situations and food going hand in hand I guess? Maybe I'm just really hungry and my brain thinks "eat while you can"? I don't know why but I find it very difficult to restrict in social situations and I eat more than my friend who is goals, which is embarrassing... I've even told my best friends about my ED and they must think I'm full of shit. Oh well!

[Rant/Rave] Getting a new scale! I'm scared
Created: Tue Jun 6 02:01:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fken2/getting_a_new_scale_im_scared/

[Discussion] DAE feel like restricting is impossible for them?
Created: Tue Jun 6 00:40:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fk48f/dae_feel_like_restricting_is_impossible_for_them/
I've tried restriction before, again and again. Eating only at a set window of time, Gruesome working off the calories, dumb fad diets (lol cabbage soup diet is shit), the day to day calorie tracking and the diet pills and shit.

Restriction is something I just can't fathom going back to or maintaining for me. It sounds bad but bulimia has opened doors for me where I can lose control and gain that control back again. Restriction gives me control but still keeps me under its control and I don't like it--it suffocating. Bulimia is gross and I'd wish it on NO ONE but it's given me an outlet that restriction couldn't.

Being bulimic, restriction feels impossible for me. Don't call me weak lol I know I'm weak.

[Rant/Rave] I feel embarrassed about my ED and just fucked up
/u/band-aide [5'6 | CW: 125 | SW: 140 | F/18]
Created: Tue Jun 6 00:08:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjzsq/i_feel_embarrassed_about_my_ed_and_just_fucked_up/
I was actually eating normally for a few weeks, thinking I was maintaining and I was kinda annoyed at how often I'd get bloated and constipated (IBS is super fun like that). I actually dropped ~5 pounds without even realizing it. I'm glad I did, it brings me closer to my goal.

I've been kinda sick lately because I get very feverish during the summertime because I don't go out so I've been eating, like, some yogurt every day but that's about it. I love restricting, but I'm trying to let myself not count calories. I tried to not weigh but fuck that, I need to know my weight.

The thing that's fucking getting to me is the realization that a lot of people find EDs unattractive and... well, we're not the easiest people to be in a relationship with. I tried ignoring my ED, but you know you're fucked when you suddenly start catching feelings for a guy friend and fucking calculate his BMI when you find out his height and weight (his BMI is fucking 18! he's 6'2 and I'm fucking swooning)

I'm so fucking embarrassed that I'm gonna have to tell him about it someday. I think he wants someone who at least has their head together. We both are really into each other and everything is going amazingly... except my lack of self worth. He just really doesn't know and he likes me so much, I don't want to bring him down into my problems.

[Other] "I am a work in progress."
Created: Mon Jun 5 23:51:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjxc2/i_am_a_work_in_progress/

[Other] "I am a work in progress."
Created: Mon Jun 5 23:50:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjx6g/i_am_a_work_in_progress/

[Rant/Rave] Food: fuel & poison
Created: Mon Jun 5 23:16:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjs9z/food_fuel_poison/
I feel like shit

My body is sore from all the food

My belly hurts, my gut hurts

I'm a fucking idiot

Just wanted to shout to the world that I'm a piece of shit


Who chooses food over everything else in their life? Why do I have to be such a fuck-up?

I can't relax when it comes to food, ever. It will always be dangerous. It's my drug. I need constant vigilance. Food is not my friend; it's fuel and poison.

[Rant/Rave] Moments of clarity
/u/ruralfishingcat [5'5 | 122 | 20.5 | - 5 | 21 F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:57:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjp8u/moments_of_clarity/
Sometimes I get these moments of sinking realization of what I'm actually doing to myself. My stomach is growling and I've had probably ~800 calories today (1000+ is just *scary* now) and was thinking of grabbing something to tide me over.

I thought maybe some low fat cheese spread and a rice cake, but NOPE apparently that caused me to panic and think "I'm going to gain weight" because that extra 100 calories is going to do so much. Like. Fuck. I hate when I'm self aware of how increasingly inane my mind gets. Logically, I know the small snack won't hurt my weight loss. But my brain doesn't care and then I'm sitting here crying because I want to eat *so badly* and it's such a normal thing for humans to do but I just can't. It makes me feel like an invalid. Even toddlers can eat, and I'm here in my 20s having a breakdown over goddamn rice cakes.

[Discussion] Boobs and BMI
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:47:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjnp9/boobs_and_bmi/
I think I may be in the minority here because I don't hate my giant boobs (34FF), have sort of come to terms with the inevitable stretch markiness of being a human woman, and am finally comfortable being topless in front of my gentleman caller.

The part that drives me nuts is that I have learned (don't worry about the logistics of how but can confirm that large metal scales are quite cold) they are cumulatively nearly 9 pounds. That seems like enough to considerably affect my BMI relative to other women my same height who don't have comedy knockers drawn by a 14 year old boy, and I can't help but want to subtract tit-weight to generate a false and more favorable number.

[Rant/Rave] I think I just lost my best friend
/u/headroom3 [pos]
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjjao/i_think_i_just_lost_my_best_friend/
Pretty much every night for the past couple months I've had a breakdown and texted my best friend, every Damn night. I'm trans, I cut a lot, and of course this fucking thing. My girlfriend texted me calling me a tranny and saying I'm a transtrender. So I called my best friend. She was and still is going through some hard shit but in my typical selfishness every night I called her, when I was drunk, when I tried to kill mtself, whenever I felt like shit etc.

I think I lost her for good. I spent 3 hours freaking out because my family was getting Subway. She convinced me to eat the whole thing, which sucked. I was about to binge since all my family seems to have is ice cream and fried chicken. We were out of celery and I started freaking out and crying so I called her, because I'm a shithead. Afterward, I realised she would be better off without me so I told her she was too good of a person to be friends with me (which is true) I used to talk to her all the time and now it's strange not saying a word. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense or the formatting is bad, I'm on mobile

[Rant/Rave] Just wanted a chat!!!
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 22:19:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjjab/just_wanted_a_chat/
Good news, I guess? I've lost 3kg over 3 weeks since I started restricting my diet properly. It feels so good? My calorie limit at the moment is 1500. I very rarely hit it. I'm usually lucky to make it to 1000 calories a day. I'd love to be able to fast? Unfortunately I can't stand that faint feeling you get when you don't eat enough.
But, I'm just so excited that I'm finally losing weight again. I wish it would go faster. Baby steps, I suppose!!!
I'm losing my stupid double chin and my face looks thinner. My arts are less wobbly and I can see my thighs toning up. It is a relief.
Shame depression stops me exercising properly ;;;;

[Help] Talk me out of a binge.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 21:45:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fjdi4/talk_me_out_of_a_binge/
On mobile flair as rant/rave help.

I'm not trying to ask for advice or anything I just feel super weak right now. I want to walk to the store and buy some diet coke to tide me over but I'm craving so much right now. I guess I'll list them just to get them out. What do you do when you feel your control slipping I'm so bad at coming out of fasts but it's been five fucking days and mentally I just miss food.

I want vegan ice cream

Vegan pizza

Vegan Mac and cheese

Stuff from work because I work at a vegan cafe but they are closed now.



Peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches

Grilled cheese on whole wheat with Daiya vegan cheese

Apples and peanutbutter

Oreos (which are vegan)

Pretty much all fucking junk food. I'm tempted to walk to the store and only bring my phone and like 5 dollars cash to buy only diet coke.

Fuck. How is everyone else's night going?

[Rant/Rave] I just got publicly called out for having an eating disorder and absolutely reamed...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Mon Jun 5 21:05:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fj6gf/i_just_got_publicly_called_out_for_having_an/
A woman posted her diet plan to a Facebook group and asked if she was eating too much. Someone commented saying, "that can't possibly be even 700 calories, you need to eat way more!" I commented back that it came to more like 1200 calories, which, depending on her size, was perfectly healthy and recommended for weight loss. We had a bit of back and forth and then this woman fucking unleashed her fury on me.

"You must have a fucking eating disorder then. You're fucked in the head and need help. You're feeding into toxic diet culture bullshit"

I didn't say anything that gave away the fact that I *do* have an eating disorder, other than the fact that I'm intensely familiar with calorie amounts. I even said my diet is doctor approved (at least the diet my doctor thinks I eat is approved). But nope, I guess my doctor is an anorexia pusher too.


[Discussion] Workout disappointments
Created: Mon Jun 5 21:01:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fj5pb/workout_disappointments/
Do y'all count calories while working out or just the amount of time you worked out?

I did 20 minutes of stairs which equates to 71 flights only to find out I burned about 180 cals. Wtf lol

[Other] The constant struggle
Created: Mon Jun 5 20:05:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fiv1x/the_constant_struggle/
Whether to leave my calories under 500 or eat my entire kitchen. Why is there is no middle ground?

[Discussion] What was/is good about your day today?
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 20:04:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fiuxy/what_wasis_good_about_your_day_today/
I know I could use a little positivity right now, so I thought maybe everyone else could too. I'll start:

Everyone here was really lovely when I asked for help after a PTSD episode this morning, and I feel so much better tonight than I did then.

I ate three decent meals today (only 738 calories, but my recovery is happening by baby steps right now, so I'm okay with that).

My mom told me I was looking thin again, and it felt so good. She almost never notices or mentions it when I lose, so it must be a pretty visible difference for her to notice.

What about you all?

[Rant/Rave] Nobody cares that I skip meals, and I love it.
Created: Mon Jun 5 19:53:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fisrq/nobody_cares_that_i_skip_meals_and_i_love_it/

[Rant/Rave] Could bloating make me put on 6 lbs?
/u/advicewelcome2 [5"4 | CW 199.2 | LW 110 | HW 208 | GW 108 | 25 F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 19:49:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fis49/could_bloating_make_me_put_on_6_lbs/
Hey y'all,

So the last two weekends have been really rough with friends visiting from out of town and the first weekend being; drink all the alcohol! and then all the hang over food!

Second weekend; oh, sure, let's just go to every freakin fast food joint in a 5 mile radius guys, totally up for that -_-

I weighed myself on monday after the first weekend (alcohol) and I had gone from 201.8 to 204.8. I tried not to freak out too much because I figured alcohol and junk food = bloating/dehydration.

Second weekend I ended up going to the doctor and as a usual part of the routine they weighed me (with clothes on) and I was 208.8 (WHERE I STARTED!) so I was like:... well, i'm a failure.

I also started my (sorry if TMI) period just the day after going to the doctor so I'm guessing it might have been bloating/food/etc.

Now, a week later I'm at 202.8 (according to my scales).

Is this possible? Like, I don't want to get excited just in case my scales at home are f*cked up and not working properly. They've been pretty accurate so far though so I don't know how to explain the loss outside of bloating.

[Rant/Rave] Good news: my hot coworker called me skinny!
Created: Mon Jun 5 19:26:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fint5/good_news_my_hot_coworker_called_me_skinny/

[Rant/Rave] why is weight a fucking thing, why can't all humans be bmi 18 and 5'8"
/u/everlastingethereal [5'4.5" | LW: 96 | CW and HW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:49:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6figg8/why_is_weight_a_fucking_thing_why_cant_all_humans/
My dad was in a foreign country for a while and came back to visit me. I tried to recover and reach a healthier weight on my own and gained 20 lbs in the last 6 months, going from BMI 16.3 to BMI 19.7. He looked at me and said "You gained weight, you need to eat less"

Fuck that... he's BMI 25 and blames it on aging metabolism while drowning all his food in way too much oil. When I was BMI 16.3, he scoffed when I would eat a donut, even in moderation. He's been such a trigger for me to lose weight, but I binge anyway in the moment, god knows why, I hate myself and I hate the fact that weight is a thing, I failed a calculus quiz (36%, teacher asked what happened, I said I didn't know, I do fucking know) because I could barely concentrate while fasting a week ago...

in an ideal world, everyone would be BMI 18, regardless of what they ate. I hate that weight is a thing. Food gives life and short-term happiness, on some conditions: too little and you die, too much and you're a social stigma and are treated like fucking crap. I hate life and weight, I'm tempted to get to a really low BMI just to show that fucker, but he'll still frown if I eat a donut god fuck life

[Rant/Rave] Just binged :)
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:48:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fig8r/just_binged/

[Rant/Rave] Blegh I feel disgusting. Gained 7lbs in 4 days. Gotta love binge eating. [Rant/Rave]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:46:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fifv7/blegh_i_feel_disgusting_gained_7lbs_in_4_days/
Ive been binging for days now, I don't even know why I just have. Now that Im kind of back to restricting, I realize how huge I look. My stomach looks so bloated. I always sabotage myself when Im doing really well. I was only 4 pounds away from my lowest weight ever and of course I ruined it. Im trying to get back on track.

Anyone else?

[Help] Bulimia chipmunk cheeks
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:40:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fielw/bulimia_chipmunk_cheeks/
Anyone have tips for reducing face puffiness? Unfortunately I have a naturally round face, but I'm convinced that 6+ years of b/p has made my cheeks much pudgier looking. No matter how much weight I lose, my face is disproportionately large :( any help is appreciated <3

(please tag if possible)

[Help] EDNOS medicine
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:38:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fie62/ednos_medicine/

[Rant/Rave] Lmao pro Ana is ridiculous
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:37:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fie2c/lmao_pro_ana_is_ridiculous/
I just saw a post that was like "let me tell you that strawberries are only four calories each! You can binge on a whole box of them and still be under 100 calories! #anatips"

Sis... that's not binging. That's eating. You're just eating

[Other] I joined the club!
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:23:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fib92/i_joined_the_club/

[Rant/Rave] I miss it so, so much
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:14:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi9am/i_miss_it_so_so_much/
i just miss when my ed was at its worst, i miss it so bad. i am in a (sort of forced) recovery and it fucking sucks. everything felt in control when i was restricting. hell, i think people even liked me more then. now i'm a fat emotional mess and i can't do anything about it. i keep binge eating to console myself because i'm fucking stupid. i really needed to say that and here is one of the few places i trust, so thanks for listening to my messed up logic ): my life is spiraling out of my hands and i'm terrified. is my ed the glue that holds me together?

[Rant/Rave] I hit the wall and things aren't as pretty.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 18:00:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi6jt/i_hit_the_wall_and_things_arent_as_pretty/
On mobile flair as rant/rave.

Just hours from my fifth complete 24 hour fasting period and things are more challenging. I have a headache and feel mentally hungry. I'm vegan but I'm craving all the vegan junk food right now. Thankfully there is nothing at home.

So I have forced myself to stay out of the house and with this I find myself having other thoughts about my fellow human beings because fasting and starving turns people into an irritable and petty awful person and I project all my hatred on other people for existing.

Negative and mean thoughts include but are not limited to...

-why is everyone so fucking fat?

-if I was that fat I'd just kill myself

-I wonder what their family thinks

-when's the last time that fucked saw his dick or got laid?

-how does one get that big?

-the girl must not eat anything either

-did I get skinnier or did everyone suddenly just get fatter?

-I lost my appetite for the day

I hate myself...

[Rant/Rave] I'm back, for good.
/u/salamanderqueen [5'9.5"| CW: 136 | SW: 180 | GW: 120 | -44 | 20F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 17:38:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi226/im_back_for_good/
Hi everyone, I used to be active here last year, until I tried a low-key sort of recovery. I thought I could handle 'normal' eating (not restricting, not bingeing, etc.) but NOPE. The past few months have been a binge fest. I swear I've gained 10 pounds, but I've been too scared to actually weigh myself. My bingeing is only getting worse, and I feel like I'm right back where I started. I miss the support and structure I felt here, and I really need both of those things to get out of this binge pattern.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to say hello again!

[Rant/Rave] Fuck me. I hate this. All this shit fuck it. (Aren't I just a ray of sunshine?)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 17:35:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi1et/fuck_me_i_hate_this_all_this_shit_fuck_it_arent_i/
In mobile please flair as rant/rave

It's my day off from work. I have three hours until I will have made it five whole days. I am stressing because I feel like once I get home I'm going to lose it but I three out all my trigger foods yesterday.

I frankly hate wasting food but it was a chance I wasn't going to take. If I leave binge food around it will be eaten. By me. The only thing I could potentially binge on is dry cereal or toast but I can't necessary toss all the cereal or bread out now can I? I feel this euphoria from fasting. I am passed the wall. Usually after day three my physical hunger disappears and it's all mental. I don't faint. I get foggy in the head when I over exert myself but that's about it. I've managed to stay out of the house all day. I went out and bought clothes and tried stuff on.

Really fucking pissed I'm a size 10 in women's and can barely fit a 32 in men's jeans I wish I could saw off the fat from my hips, ass and thighs.

Part of what keeps me going is just thinking about the people around me. I am surrounded by thinspo and reverse thinspo. Every fat person with a gut or a fupa makes me want to starve even more. Every thinner person fills me with envy. I long to feel my bones and to feel light for once. I don't want to break this streak even though my next work week will be more difficult if I make it through my weekend fasting.

[Help] Folks who lift, I need advice! Please
Created: Mon Jun 5 17:29:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fi07b/folks_who_lift_i_need_advice_please/
Can't flair on mobile

Okay, so I don't lift but I do aerial arts and have seen significant muscle development lately. I'm into it. I'm okay with being bigger if its muscle, but I'm TERRIFIED of accidentally gaining fat. I don't trust my eyes to help me know whether I'm gaining muscle mass or fat.

What do you guys eat for the purest lean muscle development? The internet says you have to eat more than your TDEE, but I don't know if I can do that totally. Also, most of the advice on weight lifting forums is for bulking and cutting, whereas I'm looking for "lean gains".

I can't eat red meat, lactose, or fish but I can eat poultry, eggs, and things like lactose free cottage cheese.
I'm trying to eat seeds and nuts but I'm intimidated by their high calorie content.

At the end of the day I know my fear of eating too much will limit my muscle growth capacity, but I'd like to contribute to it as much as possible within my personal range of acceptable calories (1200ish). It's really hard to figure out ways to be mostly plant based and still get over 60g protein in a day without a ton of calories

I eat: seeds, nuts, poultry, egg whites, cottage cheese, protein powder, fruit and veg, lentils, quinoa

I avoid: carbs, egg yolks, fatty foods (occasional avocado ok), sugar, lactose, and cruciferous veg (makes me too gassy)

I feel like maybe there's something out there that contains a lot of protein that I'm not thinking of...

[Help] [Help] could any of you perchance help me ID this appetite suppressant?
Created: Mon Jun 5 16:25:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhmc9/help_could_any_of_you_perchance_help_me_id_this/

[Rant/Rave] Do you know how hard it is to spend $75 a week on shit I cant binge on?
/u/caffeinecunt [5'3|A literal fucking whale| F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 16:01:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhgxc/do_you_know_how_hard_it_is_to_spend_75_a_week_on/
Next to fucking impossible. But my work gives me $75 a week to spend as part of my room and board, and it's only good at places that the college owns The only places on my campus that are open are a subway and a Starbucks, and while I could probably spend $75 a week on cold brew, I'd rather not. So I have to trek every week to the convenience store thing on the main campus.

And most of the shit there is junk food. Like the entire place is basically the junk food section of Walmart. I've completely cleaned them out of most of the healthy stuff that they've got, and they haven't restocked it yet. Idk if they even will. But I still have to spend $75 every week or it just disappears and I feel super guilty (I would up losing out on like $50 during the semester). I've started buying partial things of meals or condiments or soap every week to try and get to $75.
Thankfully this week I got to go by myself, instead of with my fuckbuddy who usually goes with me, so I got to at least poke.around for 45 minutes in peace.

[Discussion] What do you consider your problem areas?
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:48:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhe1t/what_do_you_consider_your_problem_areas/

[Help] fucked up extremely, advice and positive thoughts welcome
/u/MariaCaterina [5'5" | GW: 111lbs | -20lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:43:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhcrc/fucked_up_extremely_advice_and_positive_thoughts/
Prepare yourself for some of the stupidest and pettiest shit you will see all week...

I can't even fucking believe myself. I'm such a freaking failure. I finally blew up, in a big way, at SP (my brother). I was pissed because he had finished the OJ and left the carton out on the counter. Little prick couldn't even be bothered to recycle it. (I KNOW that this was an objectively stupid thing to get pissy about, but our relationship has been EXTREMELY strained for WEEKS, and I am not thinking clearly atm, hence the extreme irritability).

I slammed a drawer while I was picking up his shit and he came in to sneer at me. I did not want to talk to him. I did not intend to talk to him.

I've been in a funk since Saturday night. I felt majorly hurt because I was planning to watch a movie with my mom, but SP came down and started cooking, making a can of tomato soup for himself which I had bought for the family. We started bickering. Have you ever been so mad/frustrated that you wanted to pull out your own hair? Well, I slapped myself several times in the face. Hard.

Nobody said anything. Nobody even noticed. I went upstairs, leaving Mom and SP to queue the movie, figuring she would call me down when he was gone and she got it working. Nope, they watched a different movie without me. Ow.

Reading this, I know how fucking pathetic I am. Blubbering like a sad whale and skulking while they were enjoying themselves. No wonder nobody wants you around, no wonder nobody cares, you fucking buzzkill.

I was so steamed that Sunday I didn't leave my room at all. I don't think mom even realized that I was upset about something. She probably just figured I was being a fucking overgrown teenager.

I binged and purged and cleaned all through the night and into the morning. Today, when I woke up around 3pm, was when Sean started picking a fight with me. He said, "No one wants you here, I don't want you here, C [my baby sister] doesn't want you here. Don't you have any friends to live with?"

Fuck you. He probably thinks it's abnormal because our older brother V has been renting an apt with his friends for the last two years--but when he had to take a break from school for a year, guess where he lived? Yeah, at home. It's not uncommon for students to live at their parents' houses through the summer. K, R, and L [my friends] are all doing the same thing. But I do feel like a failure. I feel like a waste. When I went to the ___ Library (where I worked all through HS) to get some books, [the children's librarian] actually said, "Oh, so you're not doing anything? Just working?"


It made me feel like trash, like everyone else has internships and career-training, and I'm just a slug. I KNOW THIS IS OBJECTIVELY NOT TRUE, I know MANY students who aren't doing anything besides working a minimum-wage position and saving. Why are we (or just me) made to feel like lazy, sleazy, bags of trash?

Anyway, I snapped. I haven't been on my Prozac in quite a while--I always forget how scary it is when you finally crash--and I seem to be increasingly emotionally fragile, irritable, and unstable. Frankly, I've been trying to conserve my suppy because I have no intentions of going back into treatment, in part because I'm an adult who's ashamed to still be dealing with this shit, and in part because I'm frightened of how the American health care system will be changing in the newt few months/years.

After he said that shit to me, I yelled, "What if I killed myself? What if I went upstairs and killed myself right now?"

He responded, "Do it," (!!) and then scolded, "You shouldn't joke about suicide, especially not in this family." Which, excuse me? What the actual FUCK? You really think you're more sensitive to the history of this family than I am? You really think you need to remind me? You really think I wouldn't say that if I wasn't being pushed past the edge of bearable?

I fucking turned around and left.

That cunt called our mom to tattle. I guess that was his due diligence: Hey, I told her nobody wanted her here, and she seemed distraught, but I'm telling you so I am absolved of responsibility if she actually does kill herself, right?

My mom called me and frostily informed me that if I went around "threatening to kill myself" she would have me committed.

I should clarify that I actually don't want to die, I was just:

(1) not thinking clearly because of chemical imbalances,
(2) sensitive to that particular line of attack, and
(3) stunned that he would say something so objectively evil. He's said shit along those lines before, but I've never been vulnerable to it before.

I hate myself so much for this. I don't WANT to have attention on my mental state, I don't WANT to cause stress for my mother. Hell, I don't want to be arguing with a sixteen year old kid. I am twenty years old, not twelve. I don't want him to have the power to wound me, either. I want to be calm, and steely, and above it. I wanted to be untouchable, and instead I feel like an exposed nerve: red and scraped raw, unstable, screaming.

This will have repercussions. My mom texted me, saying she wants me to go back to therapy. That is something I cannot agree to.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I literally do not have the words to express how disappointed and angry I am with myself. I'm supposed to be grown. My mom shouldn't have to worry about holding my shit together at this age. I shouldn't be making her. Why can I not just be self-sufficient? Why can I not control my emotions?

I told my mom about the Prozac. Hopefully I can convince her this was a result of withdrawal, or whatever the fuck you would call it. In addition to all the shit that I discussed above, I am really frustrated by my inability to hold it together because while I haven't been actively pursuing recovery for a couple of years now, this is the first time that I've been actively pursing my eating disorder "weight loss" SINCE entering residential treatment in 2011, and I just recently got back down to the all-time low I had before they sent me there. The fact that everything is slipping out of my control really reminds me of that time, and it;s starting to feel like I can only get to xxx lbs before I start losing my fucking mind.

I am determined not to let that be the case. I will be calm, I will be ambitious, and I WILL BE THINNER.

Only upside of this fucking disgrace was that C was out of the house and not around to hear the shit that came out of my mouth. As a kid, my parents, particularly my mom, were not the most stable of people, emotionally speaking (since divorcing my dad, she has improved by miles). I know first hand how destructive it is when the people who are supposed to be caring for you cannot care for themselves. Thank God she was not around to see me fuck up like that. I think I might actually rather be dead than feel like I caused her that distress.

I meant to be fasting as atonement for being so selfish last night with my binging and purging, but I can't right now. I sat down to journal and had: two pieces of toast, one with peanut butter, cinnamon, and salt for electrolytes, and one with raspberry preserves, a banana, an apple, and yogurt along with a litre of water laced with some fiber powder. Now I am going to take my Prozac and try and meditate or something. I feel calm now, but just--low. Dirt-low.

[Rant/Rave] I'm up 8 kilos from my lowest weight
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:41:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhcft/im_up_8_kilos_from_my_lowest_weight/
I am so angry at myself.
I've been denying that you can tell but of course any one can see 8 kilos.
8 kilos gained in 2 years. I don't want to go out in public because I hate how I look.

Almost every day I'm like okay today I won't binge, today will be different, but I just can't seem to get my shit together :(

[Rant/Rave] This is fine, everything's fine
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'4" | CW: 137 | 24.1 | -60lbs | 22F ๐ŸŒท]
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:34:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fhasz/this_is_fine_everythings_fine/
So I'm at work (12hr nursing student shift) 10 hrs into my shift and I feel like death because I'm running on ~300 calories. But I'm powering through because I got a powerade zero for once from the caf. Go to take a gulp when I find that someone tried to clean and dumped it out and threw it in the trash.

Do :) they :) want :) me :) to :) die????
Because that is literally what is about to happen.
What the fuck is wrong with me people, wait till I find this punk ass bitch. I know I didn't finish it because I hate these electrolyte drinks and I can't finish them quickly. Ugh why

[Rant/Rave] Finally in the 140s!! 25lbs down!
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:14:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fh6cj/finally_in_the_140s_25lbs_down/
You guys.. I havent seen the 140s since Freshman yr of hs.. so 5 going on 6 years.. Im SO happy!!

It still doesnt feel like Ive lost 25lbs but everyone is commenting and it's so nice. I also broke though a 2-month rut (155/152lbs). Yay!! Im starting to feel like myself again, even tho I have a ways to go.

I seriously couldnt have lost this weight (w/o also losing my mind..) without you guys. Thank you!!

Edit: [yay!!!](https://imgur.com/a/qt71o)

[Intro] I'm back...an intro for the 9th time
Created: Mon Jun 5 15:01:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fh3b8/im_backan_intro_for_the_9th_time/

[Help] Extremely overweight but not losing while restricting?
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:47:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgzzh/extremely_overweight_but_not_losing_while/

[Rant/Rave] I started abusing pills (again) and justifying it with my ED and chronic pain. Nice.
/u/dec4y [5'3 | hugh mungus|gw:100lbs|-10lbs|f]
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:40:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgy9u/i_started_abusing_pills_again_and_justifying_it/
Just in case, obvious CW for prescription drug abuse.
Oh and this is 100% word vomit existential crisis rant, so tbh it's not even worth reading.

Backstory: I abused pills for just about a year, got high almost every day, failed classes, ruined relationships, etc. (Quit using in feb of 2016, relapsed a couple times not too badly, and now here I am) My mother has also been addicted to prescription pain meds as well as xanax and a few others for literally my entire life, and I cut contact with her 2 years ago because of that + she was abusive and really bad for my mental health and ed. Moving on.
I've got this coworker who once gave me morphine because i wouldn't stop bitching about my fucked up shoulder and I've been buying it off of her ever since. It got rid of my pain (nothing else had helped at all so far), it made me too nauseous to eat or even really think about food, and it got me to work harder. And that's how I've been justifying it. I know its bad. I know its abusing drugs. I know I'm wasting money. I know I'm turning into my mother. I know I'm literally flushing my going on 2 year relationship down the toilet with my horrible eating habits that I refuse to change.
I just have no motivation to change at all. I gave upon my dreams of becoming a forest ranger. That's what I've wanted to do since I was 8 years old and I just sent all my emails from colleges and scholarships to the junk folder. My boyfriend and I have talked about me being a housewife and only working part time somewhere because I'm just too scared to do anything with my life. I'm too scared to start college or find something different to do as a career, I can't even find somewhere besides fucking taco bell to work. My boyfriend used to yell at me and get mad when I wouldn't eat or he found out I purged and now he just asks to change the subject and gets quietly upset. I can tell its taking a toll on him, and it really upsets him, he always says that I love my ED more than I love him and i'm just so so so scared that that's true. I'm just not ready to give it up. Even for him. The only person that i really care about. I dont even care about myself. My entire life is spiraling out of control and the only thing i can think about and keep a handle on is what I eat and thats only when my boyfriend isn't around and its really fucking affecting me!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm falling apart!
I'm getting anxiety attacks almost daily, my fear of food has gotten so much worse, i have new compulsive habits around food and new fear foods and new things i've never thought to be afraid of that i'm now absolutely terrified of!
and i feel like I need help, like I know I do, but i just cant give up my ed and everything else around me feels like its swallowing me whole and i dontknow what the hell would possibly help me holy shit wow this is a mess sorryyyyyy

tl;dr my life is a fucking MESS and its all my fault ;n; and i cant do anything about it because im a depressed piece of shit

[Rant/Rave] Even at a deficit I still feel like I'm gonna get fat??
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:36:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgx34/even_at_a_deficit_i_still_feel_like_im_gonna_get/
I'm getting bad cravings for candy out of nowhere and I even did the math for it, since my last cheat day I've built up almost 8k calories in deficit, and if I get the candy I want I'd still have almost 7k calories of deficit, and that's not even counting the fact that I probably wouldn't want dinner since filling up on candy. But I still feel like if I let myself give in to the craving I'm gonna magically get fat. It's like I'm not even fat now, I know that logically I'm more on the thin side but my stupid brain tells me "you're not fat but you're not thin and you can't go over your calories or you'll never be thin even if your body is at a deficit" idk how to explain it. I'm pretty sure I've had body dysmorphia since I was a teen. Ugh sorry I just had to vent. Sometimes I feel like you guys are the only ones who can understand some of my feelings :( thank you for listening, anyone who reads this

[Help] Help! I need low cal recipes that can pass off as normal recipes
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 14:26:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fguq9/help_i_need_low_cal_recipes_that_can_pass_off_as/
I have a friend who doesn't know about my ED, and one of the things we like to do together is bake. But there's almost nothing I'd feel comfortable eating if it's a baked good. My friend wants to bake together soon so I'm kind of freaking out. Does anyone have "safe recipes" for baking that I can use?

[Rant/Rave] Planning a relapse?
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:53:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgmgx/planning_a_relapse/

[Help] Had to go out to eat today after already eating something, will I gain weight?
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:51:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgm7x/had_to_go_out_to_eat_today_after_already_eating/

[Rant/Rave] fasting for a week in amish country (lmao)
/u/liskovaa [21 | F | 5'4" | -25lbs. | ๐Ÿ‘ babycat]
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:04:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgawk/fasting_for_a_week_in_amish_country_lmao/
so, i'm currently house/dog sitting for one of my friends from college and it should have been perfect. i'm alone in the country, thirty minutes from anything close to a "city" with just me, some farm cats, and her puppy. i thought this would be easy. i'd be able to fast for a week no problem. she doesn't have any food in the house (not even joking, there's just like some random sauces in the fridge and most of them expired in 2013) and the closest store is far as fuck away. living in a big city my biggest problem is that i can just walk to the nearest grocery store/restaurant/etc. and binge until i want to die, so this should be easy peasy!! no temptation!!

but nope!! i am a disgusting human who has no self control because i just drove that thirty+ minutes to go and binge on mcdonalds, starbucks, and chick-fil-a. i literally only lasted two days w/o binging what is wrong with me lol. i mean, at least i'm all alone so i can purge as hard and loud as i want :^) oh well! at least the rest of my "vacation" is turning out alright. disconnecting from social media, taking nice hikes, and being able to sit down and read is great. just wish i was able to log out of my appetite like i can log out of instagram.

[Other] New chapter in my ED, Whole Foods
Created: Mon Jun 5 13:03:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fgalw/new_chapter_in_my_ed_whole_foods/

[Rant/Rave] effortlessly skinny people
Created: Mon Jun 5 12:39:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fg4y5/effortlessly_skinny_people/
I don't want to eat whatever I want, I want to want less. Those people who are stick skinny and think it's their genetics but actually are happy to eat healthy and <~1300 cal a day...I hate them. It's so easy for them. They can choose a salad for lunch because they genuinely enjoy it and aren't tempted by the greasy burgers, they don't think of bad food as something they gave up, they just know it's bad. They forgot about meals easily. And they'll always be skinny because this is their lifestyle. I have so many friends that are like this and I'm so jealous, I watch them obsessively and they literally don't care about food, they say they love it but when it comes down to it food is just not a priority for them. And I want it so badly, I'm so jealous, but I've already ruined myself. I can't ever forget restricting and binging, I can't shake the feeling that when I reject something greasy and sugary I've made some kind of sacrifice, I hate myself. Effortlessly skinny people eat whatever they want. They just don't want much.

[Intro] Back to an "average" BMI from a long period of falling under "overweight" (BED)
/u/liliannereid [170 cm | CW: 67.6 kg | SW: 78.1 kg | UGW: 58.5-60.5 kg | 25F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 12:26:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fg1rj/back_to_an_average_bmi_from_a_long_period_of/
Hey guys, I'd just like to share this with someone as I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my family. They have been commenting that I'm not eating enough.

I have recently started seeing a professional about disordered eating, who says I have binge eating disorder or EDNOS. I have a history of bingeing for a long period of time or a long period of doing occasional, heavy binges, and then doing periods of restricting heavily. So I typically gain weight very fast and lose weight very fast. For the past weeks I have been doing a lot of hikes and not been eating much, after a long period of being - well - a pig. Finally I am back down to a healthy (that is, not overweight) BMI :-)

I tried doing this the "healthy" way last winter, and I never got this far... I remember coming to the conclusion, at some point after I started seeing the specialist, that even when I'm losing weight, if it's coming from the disordered viewpoint it will be bad and I'll end up gaining the fat again. I can feel I'm in the "disordered" state right now but it just feels so good. I feel like a much better person. I don't want to stop this.

I can't wait to get even further down and start looking really good, and get admiring looks. Still, I'm afraid if I hope too hard I may lose control and start another bingeing episode.

Sorry, I know this is not very well written, just wanted to get it out there and share with someone without having to think too much about the grammar/phrasing. Take care, everyone.

Edit: Just wanted to add one thing - I have this constant worry in my mind but I haven't been able to ask anyone because it is a really vain one - I am nearing 26 years, does this mean that I will not be able to look good anymore when I get to my goal weight? Please don't judge me I know it's a really stupid question but I can't shake this feeling... I'm not very young anymore.

[Other] Any men/boys here?
Created: Mon Jun 5 12:04:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffwi1/any_menboys_here/
I'm a 20 year old guy and since I was 16 I have an ED, only last year that I stopped denying that I have bulimia. I've never talked about it online, although I told some friends when I had a mental breakdown.
I've discovered this subreddit and it's helping me a lot, but even though most posts here are really relatable and even helpful, I kind of feel lost here.
I know that it's rare men who talks about having an ED, but anyway it doesn't hurt to try...

There Is No Cure For An ED
Created: Mon Jun 5 11:04:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffi6i/there_is_no_cure_for_an_ed/

Calories and Running??
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:39:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffc6r/calories_and_running/

[Rant/Rave] Mom threatening to sell my wedding dress (rant)
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:34:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffb4v/mom_threatening_to_sell_my_wedding_dress_rant/
Lately I've been doing really well with restricting. I've barely had a bite of food each day for 4 days now. A couple days ago my mom really was on me about it. I'm getting married and I'll be altering my wedding dress this month which is why I'm trying to lose weight. The dress is a size 10 (it was the only one left of its kind and it's perfect) and I'm a size 0. I've always been a size 0 and she's known that but for some fucked up reason she thinks they can't alter it to fit me. So unless I can show I'm willing to eat "a variety of foods" she's going to sell it. I know she's being dramatic, but I'm so angry because I've been picky about food since I was 13 years old and she's never had a real issue with it. I believe a person should have the freedom to eat whatever they want. Even if I wasn't starving myself to lose weight I'd never eat foods I didn't even like in the first place, like pasta or ice cream or bread..etc. but I'll just leave a bunch of plates with scrapes of food on it, make it look like I'm eating, and spit out food in a napkin at the dinner table when she's not looking. So far I'm losing a pound a day and I want to finally be 99 lbs when I alter my dress. Am I hungry? Of course.. today I woke up excited about all the snacks I wanna eat and then I realized..oh yeah.. I'm anorexic. I don't eat.

[Help] Can people share something with me?
/u/borbolete [5'4.5" ]
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:30:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ffa3d/can_people_share_something_with_me/
~~I am so lonely right now. I don't have the energy to talk too much about the causes and what happened because I feel very numb, but the effects are a cancelled holiday with my boyfriend (a day before going). I don't think I could have tried harder or been a better person, but maybe I was too nice. I've always had nightmares about cancelled holidays the night before but it hasn't ever happened until now.~~

I wish I hadn't eaten earlier now.

I'd just like... could people share a nice moment from their day, or a kind thing that happened to them or that they did this weekend? I'd love to hear a tiny nugget of happiness you've had.

Thanks everyone.

edit: 2 hours later, I think the situation is now resolved and I've 'uncancelled'. I have really appreciated your comments so far and they have brought a ray of sunshine to my day, just hearing the little moments of joy and the kindnesses you've had. I will reply to each individually later but so emotionally drained right now from everything today. Love to you all <3 <3

[Rant/Rave] RANT How Do You Guys Cope with S/Os
Created: Mon Jun 5 10:14:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ff6a5/rant_how_do_you_guys_cope_with_sos/

[Rant/Rave] Day 5 bitches now how will I fuck this up this time.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon Jun 5 09:00:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6feono/day_5_bitches_now_how_will_i_fuck_this_up_this/
On mobile please flair rant/rave

108 hours since I ate last. Not sure how much scales has moved cause I have drank a lot of water. It was a shorter work week and it's now my weekend. I plan to go shopping for some goal clothes and try stuff on that won't fit and walk a ton, aiming for 15k steps. Also my new fitness tracker is supposed to be delivered today so hooray. I still feel a binge looming over me like a dark cloud so I plan to avoid food at all costs today and hopefully keep this fucked up journey going physically I don't even feel hungry but the mental thing always fucks me up I give myself and inch and take a mile.

Send good vibes lovelies,


[Rant/Rave] I feel vile
/u/forestfloorpool [โœถ170cm โ€ข bmi18.3 โ€ข gbmi17.3 โ€ข 24fโœถ]
Created: Mon Jun 5 08:14:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6feeux/i_feel_vile/
I have been binging all week. My stomach looks pregnant and I feel **vile**. I know I won't put on weight, and I am retaining water weight but I feel so sick. I want to fast this week away, but I can never fast properly. I envy those who can just shut off eating and the world.

I'm so disappointed with myself. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.


[Other] Trying to not feel guilty for a binge
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Mon Jun 5 08:05:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6feczb/trying_to_not_feel_guilty_for_a_binge/
I'd been doing good for a while, not shoveling food down my throat endlessly. But recently I've been just too stressed to care. I'm not quite 4 weeks post-op for a LOT of facial cosmetic surgery, and last Friday my septum split open. I'm at the doc's office now waiting, worried about this nasty hole in my face, wondering wtf I've been eating and basically just scared about the whole ordeal. Am I wrong to eat or do I need to need to eat to heal or what do I need to be doing?! I just want to be better, both physically with the surgery and inside with my feelings. I'm angry at myself for slipping and yet during the entire weekend I felt like food was the only comfort to fight the terror of what's happened to my nose.

I really hate that any aspect of this has become my reality and I just want to feel like a normal person for once. I want to fit in and be okay.

**Edit: after getting a bunch of numbing shots in my face so they could stitch me back together followed by the 5+ hour drive by myself to go back home, I've decided to stop counting calories for the week. I hope this doesn't bite me in the ass later (it probably will and I expect I'll cry when I start to see how far it has set me back) but I need to feed my body so I don't permanently wreck my face. It's not worth risking bad healing or scarring, I can try to be normal for just one week. **

[Rant/Rave] Relapse on Alcohol, now I'm relapsing on ED
Created: Mon Jun 5 07:41:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fe85d/relapse_on_alcohol_now_im_relapsing_on_ed/
I was in a program before for ED and drugs, and I got kicked out for drinking. And now I just feel like I don't want to try anymore with ED recovery especially. Because I know if I drink or use then people are going to know, but I guess mentally, I just need a way to have control, and that's through my ED. I haven't purged yet since I've drank, but I've been restricting again, and restricting for me always leads to binging and purging. It just kind of sucks. I don't want this life, but I feel like I don't have any other. Like I don't have opportunities anymore. Just now, I was talking to a random guy, and he's going to California, and I wanted to go with him - literally he was a random truck driver, and he was 100% hitting on me. And usually I'm creeped out, but I guess because he spoke softly and was Hispanic, so I found him less creepy than the usual guys who hit on me. I'm kind of tempted to go though. I guess I'm crazy impulsive like that.

[Discussion] Safe foods in the U.K.?
Created: Mon Jun 5 07:12:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fe2pq/safe_foods_in_the_uk/
Redditors in the U.K., what are your safe foods that are low in calories? For example one of my favourite meals are these sweet chilli noodles that are only 106 calories per portion! How great is that? Does anybody have anything that is similar?

[Discussion] Idk
Created: Mon Jun 5 07:00:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fe0cz/idk/

[Other] Not ed related but I need some help! I'm wearing this dress to a wedding and need help with accessories!
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:54:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdzbo/not_ed_related_but_i_need_some_help_im_wearing/

[Rant/Rave] Jumbles of thoughts: Writing instead of eating.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW 145.0 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdz8e/jumbles_of_thoughts_writing_instead_of_eating/
I'm currently sitting in the Louvre. I come here almost every day to get out of the heat or rain and hit my goal of thoroughly seeing each room. After 9 months, I've hit my goal and become such a regular that security greets me personally as do some of the room guards. Legally, for my visa, I'm supposed to be enrolled in a language course. But it ate up most of my day and I find I learn real French better when I'm out and about. I also put my money towards exploration and have my whole day free. So, that's that.

Anyhow, I'm sitting here in a place of grandeur and beauty but my eyes keep drifting towards one thing. McDonalds. No, I won't go. Somehow I've convinced myself not to be the American that goes to McDs. I also hate ordering food, but the fact I'm still tempted bothers me.

I b/p-ed so much this weekend that I almost threw out my back and it hurts to move it. So of course I've decided to walk at least 10 miles today and fast as well. Because that'll help my body heal.

I'm sitting here wondering if my local grocery store is open as it's a bank holiday. But not a big one. I've mastered the art of budget binges and am thinking what I could put my last 5โ‚ฌ to so I can purge when I'm home.

But I don't want to purge. Or binge. My meds have taken my appetite and desire to eat, but I reach for it out of habit. I get no joy from the binge, but still manage that post purge high. It's the only real thing I feel and I think that's why I'm clinging onto the habit.

I've lost 10 pounds in the past month by getting real with myself after an emotional setback earlier this year. My old clothes fit again and this morning I stuck my fat clothes in the donation bin.

I leave France after 11 months here in just 37 days. My mother booked an impromptu trip leaving in 42 days. When people speak of how many days until something, all I see is a Losertown chart estimating what I could weigh by then if I do everything right. I could lose 10 pounds by then. Technically I could do 15 in the 6 weeks until I leave. I'll have to be in a bathing suit then and it's stressing me out. I'll have to eat every meal in front of my family for 2 weeks. Also stressing. I'm excited for the trip too, don't get me wrong. But there will be pictures. No joke, I've managed to avoid being in pictures since high school over 7 years ago. But since this is the first trip my family is going on together, there will be plenty of pictures. And I know the hit my self esteem takes when I see a bad picture. It can totally ruin your day as you feel that knot in your stomach reminding you of failure. All the years of disorder thoughts and eating and purging and fasting and exercising and yet it's gotten you nowhere. Nothing to show for it except a lack of a life and a mouthful of cavities.

I've spent so much time alone this past year and it kills me that the human brain simply isn't meant to exist in its own this long. We are social animals and yet my brain isolates me. I haven't had friends in years or hung out with anyone. No one. I don't even feel like a person. I don't know how to socialize, what I would talk about, or anything about it. I find that I turn to an incredibly fake personality the moment someone strikes up a conversation. My current employer recently described me in an email I was forwarded. The way she described me is the exact opposite of how I see myself. It made me question who I really am and if anyone would want to get to know that person.

I think there is something wrong with me. I can't seem to get a firm grasp on the future until it hits me in the face. In 40 days, I won't have a job or income or place to live apart from my parents' home. And I still haven't even written a resumรฉ. Or really looked for a job. I don't know what I'm looking for. I know what I need to do and somehow can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why. It feels like it crosses over with my ED. I know I shouldn't binge or buy a certain food because it'll negatively affect my future. But I do it anyway.

I can stress about the future all day and yet find myself doing nothing. I don't get it. Tomorrow never feels real yet I'm too worried about it to enjoy the now. Does that make sense? It's all short term. It feels like a druggie just looking to get the next hit and nothing else.

I'm 24 and everyone tells me it's normal to feel lost in life. I don't think it's normal to my extent.

I've been sitting on this bench for an hour now. This city is full of so much to do and yet I can't manage to stand up and do anything. It feels like my depression has depression.

I came to Paris because I thought my home life was causing me to be depressed. I learned I was wrong and my issues crossed the Atlantic with me. It makes me wonder where and if I can be happy.

So I sit here having a quarter life existential crisis and debating if I can muster the energy to move.

And this is where food comes into play again. I feel nothing, but maybe if I stuff myself and purge it out I can get some sort of rush. Currently fasting to feel out of it. Then purging to float. I'm destroying my body so my brain will just stop for a bit. To eat or not to eat. What's my end goal. Am I addicted to the process and not necessarily what I think I might be in the future.

I'm just having a shit day and need to get this out. I know it's a bunch of word vomit, but it needs to get out all at once. No different than binging and purging. Holding everything in then expelling it until I'm empty.

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! June 05, 2017
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:15:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdsfk/weekly_stats_update_june_05_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for June 05, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 05, 2017
Created: Mon Jun 5 06:14:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdsew/daily_food_diary_june_05_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 05, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] Ok but what's happening to my hands???
Created: Mon Jun 5 05:38:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdmfb/ok_but_whats_happening_to_my_hands/

[Discussion] DAE think about their past binges fondly?
Created: Mon Jun 5 05:08:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdhxy/dae_think_about_their_past_binges_fondly/
totally weird question but I feel COMPLETELY alone on this. When I'm binging I fucking hate binging and I fucking hate myself, I'm miserable and everything is sooo awful and I swear again and again this will be the last time

But then I like, remember my binges in a positive light??? Almost as if I idealize them. For example, I think very fondly upon the time I sat on a park bench calmly eating an entire can of frosting at a bmi 14 and people giving me the weirdest looks. At the time I felt so awful, but when I think about it now it's hilarious to me, and something I would class as a "good" memory. Eating half of a kilogram of chocolate and wanting to die at the time but remembering it as a "god I'm such an idiot I love myself" sort of way weeks or months after the fact.

I think in a way it's a vague manifestation of a... superiority complex, or something. like a "ha ha ha I ate all of that 'bad' forbidden food and I'm still this light," or even a weird kind of sadism directed at the self. But at the same time it's terrible, because thinking about binging in a fond way makes me more prone to doing it again, and again, and of course feeling like utter shit when I do and laughing about it later. And then it repeats itself.

Even entire periods of weeks where I was just binging nonstop are times I think upon fondly years later. Maybe it's the allure of the "forbidden" being pursued, or something. but it's annoying as shit! Anyone else like this? I always read others feeling awful and disgusting about their binging but I just end up feeling elated with myself, even though it's destructive bc binging in the moment makes me want to die lmao

[Discussion] Does anyone else here wish they could handle bulimia?
Created: Mon Jun 5 04:51:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fdfm3/does_anyone_else_here_wish_they_could_handle/

[Rant/Rave] Weighed in at 125.8
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'3 | SW146 | CW 124ish | UGW100 | 25F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 03:18:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fd3eo/weighed_in_at_1258/
I had a mini binge last night- got to 5pm on a perfect 1000, then ate soooo many Swedish fish. ๐Ÿ˜ต Had to work myself up to weighing myself this morning aaaaand... 125.8. I'm sure it's a fluke. Idk. I'm not happy. Why can't I just be happy? :(

[Goal] Back on the wagon
/u/AdloraOfSolitude [5'2 | CW:103.2 | -15 lbs UGW: 90 lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Jun 5 02:44:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fczgs/back_on_the_wagon/
I'm not going to eat anything for 5 days. Monday through Friday. I don't have a lot of time to fast, because I have a therapy appointment next week, at least. Maybe even this week. Do I dare get away with putting coins in my boots? She's never made me take my shoes off before... but I've never put coins on my person in therapy before.

Meanwhile, I'm pleased that my weight spike of a revolting 108 has settled back down into only 2.8 pounds above my LW. I'm 105 now. I'm hoping I can be UNDERWEIGHT (101) by the end of Friday. That's my goal. I want so badly to make it. Cheer me on!! It's so close now, it's within my grasp, I know it!!

[Humor] Even cartoon food triggers me
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Mon Jun 5 02:27:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fcxkl/even_cartoon_food_triggers_me/
I was watching Bob's Burgers, The Laser-Inth (season 7, episode 18) and Tina, Louise, and Gene are eating cereal and it looks so fucking good, it's making my mouth water.

...ha...ha...this is sad

[Other] I guess it's technically Monday. Why the fuck am I like this?
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 111 | LW 105 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Mon Jun 5 00:52:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fclxa/i_guess_its_technically_monday_why_the_fuck_am_i/

[Other] "It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials"
Created: Mon Jun 5 00:18:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fchp1/it_is_not_a_daily_increase_but_a_daily_decrease/
I love this quote from Bruce Lee.

[Discussion] Anyone else having a hard time with loose skin?
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Mon Jun 5 00:17:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fchkb/anyone_else_having_a_hard_time_with_loose_skin/
For me, it was basically the thing that turned me to ED. I've spent years on and off various diets since I was a teenager, I've lost friggin 95 pounds and yet here I am, with a weird misshapen body that can only be fixed through plastic surgery. I've done everything I could and arrived nowhere.

Losing weight has never been a full blown obsession for me until this year. I've always thought those folds were just fat and they would go away once I reach 130lbs or so, that I would finally look like a normal thin healthy girl of my age. Now it's painfully obvious it's just skin and it makes me feel more hideous then ever. I'm 23 and I have a body of an old woman. When I walk next to my mirror I can see loose skin sort of jiggle around my thighs, separately from my fat. It's disgusting and it's killing me. There is absolutely no way I can afford surgery right now so this is one more problem that is out of my control.

I've been cutting my calorie intake more and more for the last couple of months until I got to around 300 or less per day. Feeling hungry and seeing the number on the scale go down are the only things that make me feel sort of content these days. Like, at least I'm being consistently 'good' with my diet. I can't fix my body but at least I got this one thing under control. Cause you know, distancing myself from reality through an obsession is totally going to help with everything :/

[Help] My parents are worried. I'm an adult. They shouldn't worry.
/u/all-mah-secrets [158cm|CW: 49.5kg|GW: 46Kg| 20F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 23:31:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fcb84/my_parents_are_worried_im_an_adult_they_shouldnt/

I could cry right now.

Fuck fuck fuck

My dad is worried, my mom is too, I really don't care. Why do they worry. What is their reason. Why do they guilt me into eating DO THEY NOT SEE THAT I DONT DESERVE THE FOOD AND IM NOT HUNGRY. This is the one thing I can control, the one thing I can do **perfect** and not screw up like I screw everything else up. Damn.

My dad just made me have a glass of milk. *Alright*, I told myself, *I can drink this and not have anything else this morning. I'll even have some cereal to appease him*

Now he says he'll be making me breakfast.

And I have to eat it.

Dad why. Why why why why why why why why am I crying this is not something to cry about.

I want to recover. *Not yet*. No, actually this is perfect. I want to recover. I want to restrict. I want both. I want to be left alone. I want them to care, but not care to this extent.

Why am I selfish like this.

I want to restrict in peace.

I want to recover alone.

I love them so much but they should leave my eating habits alone.

EDIT: Why am I like this. Why can't I be normal and enjoy a meal with my parents.

EDIT 2: Had dinner and didn't freak out. Enjoyed it a lot actually :)

[Help] Need to talk to someone right now before I do something stupid. (tw: rape)
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:58:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fc6ce/need_to_talk_to_someone_right_now_before_i_do/
I just saw a picture of my rapist on my Facebook feed. I am freaking the fuck out, like, physically ill and shaking and I don't know what to do right now except binge and purge and cut. Nobody is answering their phone and I don't know what to do.

[Help] help. fell off the wagon and can't get it together
/u/thindreaming [5'9 | 157 | -15 | 24F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:46:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fc4kb/help_fell_off_the_wagon_and_cant_get_it_together/

[Help] DIY Recovery?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: anywhere between 103-107 | GW: 99 | UGW: 94 |18.4 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:09:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbyp8/diy_recovery/
I know this isn't what usually gets posted on this sub, so let me know if it isn't okay, but does anyone have resources for working towards recovery on your own? Therapy isn't realistic for me right now but I want to get to the point where I can eat around maintenance without feeling like I've gained ten pounds or panicking. Any ideas?

[Rant/Rave] Boredom without ed
Created: Sun Jun 4 22:01:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbxga/boredom_without_ed/

[Rant/Rave] Fuck Stretchmarks
/u/PrincessMelancholia [4'11 | CW:85lbs | GW:77lbs |UGW:66lbs]
Created: Sun Jun 4 21:51:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbvqz/fuck_stretchmarks/
Does anyone else happen to have stretch marks?? I don't know how I managed to have so many but they're ALLL over me. But the thing is - I've been underweight my entire life. I'm lighter than I was in 7th grade. And at my lowest weight I'm usually closer to how heavy I was when I was 11 years old. I was never a fat kid but I have more stretch marks than anyone else. And they're not light stretch marks either - it looks like someone has carved into my skin.

Ah I just hate my body and I don't know how to get rid of it or why I even have it.

[Rant/Rave] what's a coping mechanism
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Sun Jun 4 21:21:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbqnk/whats_a_coping_mechanism/
i can't starve myself right now. i have to eat at maintenance for another week. ALL I WANT TO DO IS NOT EAT.

how sad that when something goes wrong or just not perfect my first thought is well i just won't eat and that'll work it out which doesn't even make sense the rest of ur life is still shit losing a pound won't fix it

[Rant/Rave] Screw recovery.
Created: Sun Jun 4 20:55:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbm10/screw_recovery/

[Other] @me (found in a quote book about bodies- also guess what my new wallpaper is ahhahaha)
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 20:40:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbjgc/me_found_in_a_quote_book_about_bodies_also_guess/

[Other] Is it possible to binge while chewing and spitting?
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sun Jun 4 20:23:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fbgdt/is_it_possible_to_binge_while_chewing_and_spitting/
Because I think I just did.

I have no idea why i am so out of control. I feel like I've taken 500 calories just from c/s alone. Hell, it could be 0 for all I care (well i do care but bear with me) . This isn't normal, at all. That's not how normal people eat. Normal people don't waste food like this. Normal people don't fill their trash can with disgusting chewed food.

I may not be ready for recovery yet, but I don't want to start any new bad habits. Besides, c/s hurts my stomach so much afterwards. It's not even enjoyable!

I started doing this 3 days ago, and I must stop before it becomes a daily thing. I don't want to make this ed worse than it already is. I guess I'm using this post is to keep myself accountable?

(also can somebody reassure me on the amount of calories i can get from c/s lol)

[Rant/Rave] Everyone keeps saying how thin I've become but all I see is disgusting, revolting, horrific fat
/u/Clarl020 [5ft2 | CW: 106lbs | GW: 93(?)lbs | BMI: 19.4 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 19:45:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fb9eb/everyone_keeps_saying_how_thin_ive_become_but_all/
Since September my weight has gone from 55kg to 46kg. I've lost 3~ inches on my waist and have gone down a dress size and a half. I can fit into UK8 clothing now - before I was a 10/12.

Everyone keeps commenting on how small I am now. I was walking in front of my mum recently and she told me that my knees looked like the widest part of my leg. Also the first thing she said when she picked me up from the train station after not seeing each other since Christmas was "you've gotten thin!". Also when I saw my brother he said "wow you've lost weight!" My boyfriend was helping me fold clothes and he mentioned how he couldn't fit his hand into my jeans to turn them the right way round, saying how tiny I was. He also held up my skirt and said how little it was. I recently went kayaking with some friends and when we had to wear wetsuits people were calling me "small" and "tiny". One of my friends is so petite and tiny, her thighs are just goals, and I can fit into the same size suit as her?!

So why the fuck do I feel so huge and revolting?

I'm the lowest weight adult-me has ever been. My waist is the smallest I've ever had it. Yet all I see is horrific, ugly, repulsive, evil fat all over my body. I look into the mirror, analysing every single inch of my body and just cry and cry and cry. I spend every second of the day thinking about how ugly and evil I am. If I'm walking down the street I'm looking at every person and comparing myself with them. Food revolts me yet I spend hours and hours thinking about and obsessing over it.

I just fucking hate myself for being this fat. Logically I know I'm not fat - my BMI is bordering underweight - yet I just can't see that at all?? All I see is fat? And ugly? And evil? I feel like my skin is crawling every time I look in the mirror. I absolutely DESPISE myself and how FUCKING FAT I am.

[Other] I'm not the size my clothes tell me
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3" | Baby Hippo | 22 | -60 | 31F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 19:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fb7g5/im_not_the_size_my_clothes_tell_me/
At my highest weight of about 190 in January, I wore a size 14. I'm now 125 and wear a size 2 (or a 25). But I don't look any different. Every one tells me how I've lost weight and look awesome blah blah blah but none of it makes sense.

My reflection is still a hideous beast and I'll keep losing until I can see the difference.

[Rant/Rave] Starving is my reward and my punishment. I don't deserve food.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Jun 4 18:24:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fauq9/starving_is_my_reward_and_my_punishment_i_dont/
On mobile flair as rant/rave.

Last night I washed dishes for 4 hours out of my 8 hour shift cause someone called out. I had a meeting with my boss (the owner of the restaurant) and he explained how no one likes doing dishes but everyone does them sometimes. As a counter point I referenced two of my coworkers I'd never seen have to do them. As least one of the we'll call them C and R. C is just a stronger cook and so they are more valuable on the line. As for R that's a different story. He admitted to hiring me to cook but Said washing dishes is a necessary chore.

Translation. I am a terrible cook. I am still learning but according to him I haven't improved much since I started or I was improving but I stopped according to him. This really stings deep.

I was already feeling low and upset and already fasting because I don't feel like I deserve food. This is just more timber to the fire. If no one will recognize me as a good cook then I might as well just starve.

I feel like I'm a good cook but this really took the wind from my sails. I thought I was doing well and here I am being told I'm not as good as I could be and also being lectured about the bottom line when I know damn well how business works but not a lot of scrutiny is being paid to my coworkers who seem to half ass things. R isn't very good at multitasking and often tries to help when it's unnecessary and doesn't wash dishes when they need to be done. I've talked about R Before. They make me want to be smaller but it's rediculous to feel like I'm competing with someone so different from me.

My fast must continue in the name of spite but also as my punishment for being a shitty human being. I can't do anything right. I just feel so upset.

I hope everyone else's weekend has been better than mine.


[Discussion] Tried laxatives for the first time last night...
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:55:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fap9d/tried_laxatives_for_the_first_time_last_night/
I think my life has changed forever. I didn't even use them as a way of purging, but because I haven't went in two weeks. But now my stomach is soo flat and I never want to eat again so I can always look this small! Who knew taking laxatives as a last resort would have accounted for so much motivation lmao

[Discussion] Anorexia/Bulimia and Sexual Promiscuity?
/u/dirtandherbs [5'3 | CW 95 | GW 88 | BMI 16.8 | 24F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:38:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fam23/anorexiabulimia_and_sexual_promiscuity/
I know that most statistical data supports that those with ED's are too uncomfortable with their bodies to even consider sex, lowered sex drive, etc. but I wonder if there is a small percentage that finds that they are more precocious and sexually promiscuous because of their self-hatred?

For example, I find that I am so self-hating that I don't just want to damage my body, but I want others to damage my body as well. Hook-ups, casual sex, that kind of thing. Does anyone else find themselves self-destructing in any way that they can? Or is this something that just anorexics/bulimics with a higher sex drive experience? Can anyone weigh in on this with more information/insight? Thank you.

[Help] How long would it take for restricting to mess up your electrolytes?
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:14:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fahj8/how_long_would_it_take_for_restricting_to_mess_up/

[Rant/Rave] So I just spent an hour looking at pictures of Alexis Ren...
/u/CANT_CATCH_ME [5'7.5 | CW 133.5 | -7 | GW 115 | 18 F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 17:09:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fagnu/so_i_just_spent_an_hour_looking_at_pictures_of/

[Rant/Rave] Beach vacation in two weeks - too bad I'm disgusting
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 125 | GW: 110 | -13]
Created: Sun Jun 4 16:58:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6faek7/beach_vacation_in_two_weeks_too_bad_im_disgusting/
This vacation was spontaneously suggested by a friend but I did have five weeks to prepare for it, so I should've been able to lose a few pounds - but nope, of course not, I'm too much of a lazy greedy slob. I did well for the first week, I was extremely strict with myself and heavily restricted, but then I had some social events and waaaay backslid. I should be excited for this vacation, but I can't stop obsessing over my body. I dream of being the tiny beach babe but no, I'm just another dumpy girl in a frumpy, plain "mom swimsuit" because I have so much nasty jiggle and cellulite. Of course, if I had more self control I wouldn't be in this predicament because I'd be slim already! I wish I could just fast for the next two weeks and live off of sunlight and air!

[Rant/Rave] Time for celebration and reflection
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 110.6 | -27.4 | F | G: 99]
Created: Sun Jun 4 16:49:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6facww/time_for_celebration_and_reflection/
I went to Gap today and purchase 26P size jeans. That's a US 2. I've never in my entire life have been a size 2. It's awesome. I still feel fat... but I will start exercising. I'm going to try to do crunches or squats every time I have to use the bathroom at home. I wonder if this will achieve the look I want.

My realization is how important it is to portion control. The best way to portion control is to have small plates. I tend to always get seconds and having small plates is fucking great. I think I'm going to purchase a nice tea cup set so that I could use the plates.

e: the other thing too, what has helped me was finding low calorie alternatives to stuff. For sweets, I eat dum dums which are 25 calories each, Halo Top where the entire pint is 240 calories, diet coke 0 calories. Portion control and low calorie stuff is the way to go.

[Rant/Rave] It has really got me right now
/u/shortchair [5'6" | 106 lbs | 17.18| -60 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 16:43:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6fabql/it_has_really_got_me_right_now/
My ED really has its hands around my throat right now and I'm mad about it. A lot of good things just happened to me. I feel safe and loved. I kicked ass in school this semester. My life finally has a definite direction. And it's terrifying. Despite all these good things, the bad things are still suffocating me. I can not allow myself to be happy. I don't know how. I've been outright refusing food from the family that is hosting me all summer. Food is one of the big ways they show love and affection and I am refusing it. I feel like absolute shit about it and I know I can't keep it up all summer. I need to find a way to let myself eat healthily and moderately. I am in physical pain from the restriction, which doesn't even compare to the mental sluggishness. I have been browsing tons of recovery blogs. I just want to be like these beautiful happy people that have light in their eyes.

[Discussion] DAE get period symptoms 1000x when they're restricting?
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:33:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9y2v/dae_get_period_symptoms_1000x_when_theyre/
On mobile, but discussion.

I'm usually someone who has the easiest period on the planet; super light flow, little to no cramps, no bloating, etc. But holy shit, I've been restricting between 500-700 calories since April, with some blips here and there, and my last two periods have been the worst I've ever experienced.

I've been bed ridden all day today with the worst cramps I've had since middle school, popping ibuprofen and period relief pills like candy, and my lower abdomen is visibly sticking out and bloated I can't think of any other cause but restriction, but I always thought cutting out greasy, fatty foods would make periods easier?

tl;dr Is Mother Nature killing me for not eating?

[Rant/Rave] My body is so weird!
/u/BodilySolids [5'0" | CW: 140.6 | BMI: 28.92 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:23:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9w79/my_body_is_so_weird/
So in a previous post I complained about restricting to 200-600 cal for nearly four weeks and seeing absolutely no change on the scale. Well, I decided to eat maintenance Friday and yesterday, and my body was ANGRY...

Seriously, I haven't touched any laxatives, but I've had (TMI) liquid poo and haven't stopped peeing all day today....

...and I got a whopping 2lb decrease in weight. WTF?!

[Rant/Rave] "Just eat like a normal person or don't eat"
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:23:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9w19/just_eat_like_a_normal_person_or_dont_eat/
TDLR: Just eat like a normal person, it's just food

I'm just going to rant about a convo with my husband last night. Essentially I restrict sub 300 or 500 except the days every long while and I eat random crazy dinner with my husband (and feel sick)

On Friday I out of the blue binged on a little leftover spaghetti, chips and yoghurt (purged the yogurt) and STUPIDLY messaged him about it - should have just come here. He says re: another post I made "it's ok you're not fat don't freak out you're looking SUPER HEALTHY"

Anyway today I decided I just fast which I'm great at.

He put a piece of pork in my mouth (I said no.. he like stuck it in my mouth lol). Next thing you know I'm eating a mini snack bag of chips (approx 120 cal) - I HATE having snacks in the house) and the rest of his pasta salad, which he shoved at me after( idk how much cal but if was maybe a cup of it)and a few hours later I bring out 2 snack chip bags, one for him, which he's too full to have so I ate the other.

He later proceeds to take the leftover bag downstairs. My fat ass reaches to him for it, and he says NO (after I jokingly said that I wanted to eat all the food ever) I'm like come one gimme the chips.


NO because youll just turn around and say "I'm fat I'm disgusting" which you ARE NOT and it makes me so fucking sad

Or DONT EAT like usual

OR, eat like a normal person and just think of it as food!!!"

I was pretty fucking shaken by this and still am. Obviously I'm not ever going to bring anything up to him again or eat regularly.

[Rant/Rave] Does anybody have fat family members and get disgusted by them?
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:22:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9vz8/does_anybody_have_fat_family_members_and_get/

[Discussion] What are your grossest habits?
Created: Sun Jun 4 15:16:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9uky/what_are_your_grossest_habits/
I've had a bag of throw up under my sink for about a month. I can't find a time I'm home alone to dispose of it lol. Uhh

[Meme/Humor] just had a baby and also anorexic. i guess dis my life now ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5' 7 | CW: 110 | BMI: 17.2 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 14:32:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9lu3/just_had_a_baby_and_also_anorexic_i_guess_dis_my/

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this???
Created: Sun Jun 4 14:19:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9j1v/why_am_i_like_this/
I'm sitting in the library cold as balls and wearing a sweater and coat even though its summer outside.
my throat is so sore from purging so much and my cheeks are puffy. im starting to get weird heart palpitations and my teeth are so sensitive and im honestly getting so scared :(

having an ed is so rough guys.

[Discussion] DAE recognize other EDs in the grocery store?
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 102lbs | recovery, for now | โœจ]
Created: Sun Jun 4 14:06:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f9gfn/dae_recognize_other_eds_in_the_grocery_store/
I'm going to Whole Foods in a minute and was thinking about the last time I was there getting low-cal food and saw a girl wearing huge sweats, really thin, carrying a bunch of low-cal food and we just looked at each other for a minute and then kept walking. We definitely knew.

It was kind of a fucked up solidarity of misery and recognizing it in other people in public was simultaneously jarring and comforting.

[Rant/Rave] "You look pretty good, have you gained some weight?"
/u/Mi__ra [165cm |49 kg | 18,2 | 9 kg | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 13:13:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f95hv/you_look_pretty_good_have_you_gained_some_weight/
I saw my sister for the first time in a few weeks. I did tell her sometime ago that I want to gain some muscle(but I didn't tell that I plan to lose some more before that), so, eh..maybe that's it? But that's what she asked.

(And I just don't get it. She knows I have an ED, so wtf?)

But now I'm looking and feeling my body all panicked -I *haven't* gained, so what has happened? Have I gone flabbier, haven't I been working out enough? What the hell, why do I look fatter?

And, she is a genuinely nice person. I'm 100% sure that she didn't mean to make feel shitty. It was a friendly question that she thought was innocent.

Argh. Just one question and I'm a mess.

[Discussion] Is anyone else using their ED to have control over trauma?
/u/dongledongs [5'6" | 130 lbs | -21 | GW 115 | LW 128 |21.09 | F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 12:43:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8z3s/is_anyone_else_using_their_ed_to_have_control/
I've had a really rough past few years, I saw and experienced a lot of really messed up things. I feel like focusing on my ED is the only way to have control in my life, seeing the number go down is the closest thing I've had to relief in months. I feel so alone too, like this is a thing I have to deal with myself. I go to the PTSD subreddit and I feel like my trauma pales in comparison to people who were in combat or people who've experienced beatings and such. Here I feel not so much like an outsider and I feel like I can rely on this community. I dunno where I was going with this tbh, I'm on mobile so I'll try to flair ASAP. Thanks for listening.

[Other] Epiphany wat
Created: Sun Jun 4 12:24:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8vcz/epiphany_wat/
So last night I realized why I wanted to be thin so fucking much. It's not even about being the thinnest, or the numbers, or even looking all pretty with small clothes, or the aftermath of terrible exes and shit. I want to be thin because it's almost like an armor that keeps fears away. Its silly but I feel the most vulnerable and defenseless when I'm at a higher weight yet I feel so damn strong when I am losing and losing-even as I feel the toll it's putting on my body.

Like, thinness is a skin, a protective binding, a membrane, a physical manifestation of a better "me" that is able to thrive in a world I fear so much.

The dichotomy is, I wanted bulimia to kill me, to wreak havoc on my body enough to land me in a hospital, behind actual, physical, clean white walls that kept the world out.

[Help] Need help, don't know where else to go
Created: Sun Jun 4 12:08:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8rzm/need_help_dont_know_where_else_to_go/
I'm a 20 year old male. Never been diagnosed with any eating disorder, though neither have I checked for one with a professional. For as long as I can remember I've had this problem with eating--it's especially frequent whenever I'm eating out somewhere with friends or family--where I get extremely nervous in the middle of my meal and my mind tells me my stomach wants to vomit. Usually, I rush off to the bathroom to either dry heave or actually throw up, but then once that's over I feel "normal" again and can return to my meal, and sometimes finish it (my appetite is astonishingly low even in a "normal" state). If I *don't* excuse myself to the bathroom and instead sit at the table and toughen it out, I enter into an INTENSE sweat, then I start feeling cold.

I've always told myself "*it's just in your head*" but frankly that piece of advise has NEVER made this horrible feeling go away. The only options are to vomit, or sweat it out.

I want to clarify that I don't show bulimic patterns. Once this horrible feeling leaves my body I'm able to eat again. Any advice?

[Help] What do you do when sick? Do you let yourself eat? [Help]
Created: Sun Jun 4 11:58:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8pyk/what_do_you_do_when_sick_do_you_let_yourself_eat/
So I've caught a nasty cold (thanks BF), and it's been pretty bad probably because I've been restricting and stressed so my immune system is weak.

But honestly I'm so torn between wanting to eat so I can get better faster and then get back to exercising and restricting. And then the other part of my brain is like no you should embrace the lack of hunger from this cold and drop a few more pounds!!

I'm going on vacation in 4 days and that involves a 30 hour flight (broken into two smaller flights) so I reaaaally don't want to be sick while traveling like that cause it's already hard on my body and mind haha. And I'm working the next four days and can't call out cause there's no one to pick up my shifts so rest is not an option.

I ate 1000 calories yesterday and felt like a failure so today I'm aiming for my usual 500. Idk, any tips/tricks for dealing with a cold (not medical advice) but just how to balance getting better and eating?

[Other] Here's a shit poem I wrote after purging alone the other day and edited in a weird headspace last night I think it's about my transition from restriction to bulimia. Needed to get it out.
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun Jun 4 10:46:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f8bbm/heres_a_shit_poem_i_wrote_after_purging_alone_the/
My veins and my brains
Run on fear and diet cola
It's all in my head
But they can see me

Breathe in - sip - breathe out
You're allowed to keep this down

Heart beats faster
Take a bite
Heart beats faster

Breathe in - sip - breathe out
You shouldn't keep this down

The porcelain king
Take a bow
A callused ring
Lose it

Breathe in - slip - breathe out
Your body tumbling down

Heart beats slower
Slower now
Heartbeat's over

My screams and my dreams
Run on peace and diet cola
It's all in my head
And they can't hear me

[Discussion] What do you hate seeing in ED stories/books and what do you wish you saw more of?
Created: Sun Jun 4 10:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f85vv/what_do_you_hate_seeing_in_ed_storiesbooks_and/

[Goal] My fucked up goals and me
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun Jun 4 09:38:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7xz0/my_fucked_up_goals_and_me/
On mobile flair as rant/rave

So I had dreams about food again. When I fast I always binge in my dreams. It's weird waking up and double checking to make sure it was a dream. I was thinking about my fucked up ED goals and I guess I will share them because maybe people can relate or tell my my goals are fucked up and I'm crazy. Either way here we go.

To be able to walk across wood floors without hearing the wood creak

To be able to take three bites from a plate and feel satisfied and full

To be able to drink again and not fear getting a ponch or gut

To be able to cook pretty snacks and foods and actually enjoy them and be ok if I don't finish things instead of having perfectionist tendencies about leaving a clean plate and not wasting food

To be scouted as a model or a photography muse, I've seen people skinnier and taller than me get scouted cause my city is relatively fashionable.

To be able to wear women's pants, jeans and shirts again without looking like a sausage casing.

To be able to wear European and more Avante garde clothes that usually come in limited smaller sizing,

To wear a size 0 in woman's jeans. And have skinny jeans remain slightly baggy.

To have prominent hip bones, collar bones, ribs, elbows, knees, tendons, shoulders.

To have slimmer fingers that don't make so many fucking typos when texting and posting stuff on mobile.

To fit in small chairs and be able to cross my legs like when people sit on the floor sometimes,

To have people wonder if I am on drugs or even eat at all and take my ED serious

To be undisputedly underweight with a bmi of 16 or 17. To be underweight by mens and women's standards

To have extra small clothes seem large on me

To be able to complain about clothes never being small enough.

To be smaller/thinner than girls who are shorter than me and for them so resent me for it.

To be smaller than my younger brother who's always been close to underweight and on the slim athletic side.

To be the thinner person at my current work place or any in the future.

To be able to tuck in shirts and tee shirts without any hint of a muffin top.

To be able to go swimming again and not fear not wearing a shirt.

To be able to Pierce my bellybutton and nipples again and not look like a fucking cow.

To get chest tattoos and stuff on my ribs and stomach.

To be so skinny people question my health.

To be envied, hated and desired by different people.

To get rid of most of my clothes cause even for oversized they are too big.

To weight 110 to 115lbs or even less

To never have a muffin top in any kind of bottoms

To have a thigh gap. Don't know why this one is so far down the list it's very important to me.

To survive on super small portions when I do eat and save money on groceries

To fit the measurements to be a model minus height because I am too short at 5"9'.

These are most of my fucked up goals that come to mind. Curious if anyone can relate or what others goals are.


[Other] I guess pets do resemble their owners
/u/xParabola [5'7 | HW: 171 | CW: 146.4 | 22.94 | -24.6 | 21F]
Created: Sun Jun 4 09:19:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7upj/i_guess_pets_do_resemble_their_owners/
My cat literally just ate all of his food, threw it up on the carpet minutes after

*and then came back whining for more*

lmao seriously i've never related to my cat so much

/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Sun Jun 4 08:59:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7qyd/guys_i_am_freaking_out/
I broke 120!!! I weighed in at 118.6lbs this morning. I've lost almost ten pounds in three weeks! This is the thinnest I've been in over three years. I still have a long way to go but I'm feeling pretty accomplished right now!

[Discussion] How does exercise factor in/ or effect your ED?
Created: Sun Jun 4 08:01:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f7gzq/how_does_exercise_factor_in_or_effect_your_ed/
Do people here exercise? How does it factor into your ED? I find that light exercise reduces my hunger but heavy exercise makes me hungrier.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 04, 2017
Created: Sun Jun 4 06:12:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f71qc/daily_food_diary_june_04_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 04, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Jun 4 06:10:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f71l3/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Discussion] Who are you really jealous of right now?
Created: Sun Jun 4 05:57:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f6zpp/who_are_you_really_jealous_of_right_now/

[Help] vegetarian daily food diary/log/journal
Created: Sun Jun 4 02:21:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f6cdw/vegetarian_daily_food_diarylogjournal/
Hi. I'm new here; this is actually my first reddit post.

I've searched the group and checked the FAQ, so I hope I didn't miss any obvious answer to this post.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any blogs or articles that lay out a vegetarian food log/diary. It doesn't need to be updated, just a week's worth or month's worth would be great for reference.

I've searched in the past, but all that tends to turn up are fancy "oh I went vegetarian briefly and made elaborate vegetarian food every day this week! Look!"

But what I need is just an honest, basic log of things that people eat every day.

The daily food diary thing here is awesome, so I'm definitely going to look through those for the non-meat entries. But I still think it'd be nice to just have a quick multi-day reference all in one spot.

A *very* little bit about me:

* I've been vegetarian for my whole life.

* I'm very quickly relapsing into extremely minimal eating patterns.

The latter is probably due to a sudden changes in my work/sleep/living situations and, to understate the severity, it sucks.

Thank u let me know if I should edit anything or redirect my inquiry.

[Rant/Rave] Coworker is bringing me out to watch a movie tonight
Created: Sun Jun 4 02:01:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f6ae4/coworker_is_bringing_me_out_to_watch_a_movie/

My coworker is bringing me out to watch a movie
Created: Sun Jun 4 01:53:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f69jv/my_coworker_is_bringing_me_out_to_watch_a_movie/

[Rant/Rave] I want to wither away so that someone will worry
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun Jun 4 00:21:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5zl9/i_want_to_wither_away_so_that_someone_will_worry/
Nobody thinks rapid weight loss is an issue if you're overweight

Nobody cares if you skip a meal when it's a diet

Puking is a good weight loss strategy when you need to lose weight

Maybe when my body begins to crumble, someone will finally believe that I'm sick.

[Rant/Rave] PMS aka I can't stop eating send help
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 58.9kg | BMI (standard): 17.59 | 22F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Sat Jun 3 23:31:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5tfs/pms_aka_i_cant_stop_eating_send_help/
I'm trying so hard to stay under 1000 today (period day 2) and tbh I don't know if I can manage it. Like I'm not even hungry I just want to eat everything in my whole house. I've had a giant amount of vegetables just so I can eat a large volume and keep my mouth occupied. I just had some crackers and hummus because I was like maybe I'm craving carbs/fats?? Now I'm going to nap until like 5pm because I have a 200 cal dinner planned and it's only juST going to fit in at this stage. And what if I want to eat more after that ๐Ÿ˜‚. Fml ok will update as the situation changes.

Edit: I worked out that I've eaten approx 1kg total of vegetables and watermelon today lmao

Edit 2: Just woke up and it's 5pm. Bout to make dinner then hit the shops to buy twelve hundred types of different diet drinks to keep myself occupied. (Ty cocionut)

Edit 3: Dinner was next level delicious and I was stressed about having to eat rice but I ended up being able to substitute cauliflower rice which made my night. I'm full and happy and under 1k cal. ๐Ÿ˜Œ

Edit 4: We all wish that could have been the end but nOOooOooo I b/p'd for fuCks sake. That was my first binge as a vegan and it was fucking weird ๐Ÿค”

[Other] Another abstract poem titled "monster"
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 3 23:13:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5r3j/another_abstract_poem_titled_monster/
On mobile so please Flair inspo/rant/rave.

Trigger warning: self harm, suicidal ideation, ED symptoms

I want to open up my veins like the unfinished novel and see the Crimson humanity, to feel something with cause instead of speculation,

To be blown by the wind like the cartoon skeleton I imagine in goth micky mouse cartoons. Call me bones and skin,

I want to feel control beyond what I possess within me, and not cave to weakness like the child that never was.

Spending minutes in the bathroom trying ever so hard to see what isn't there and and punching the mirror into tiny spreads cutting knuckles that would later great my throat. Choking on the iron of my own blood.

Tossing back and forth in an empty bed, lying awake thinking of nourishment dancing on a deprived pallette and audibly curse "no"

A mental vagabond on a journey with which the end and destination is not ad pretty as my mind describes it,

Bare feet are cut by gravel, arms are scraped by tree branded and bones buckle under the cold breeze of the might for what? To feel lighter than air. To care.

Without all I do is interrogate and punish. What information are you hiding from me you fucking bastard? Why can't I have this.

Take it all but leave me this, let me fill a canyon with my tears and drown. Slowly slipping into the void,

When the day begins for others all I do is think about the end, do I shave my fave or cross the highway so subtly draw in blue across arm, dying the bathroom floor a pretty scarlet,

Only to leave an ugly corpse, maybe this is a extreme but to escape it seems only but a dream, screaming through shit lips for help that doesn't arrive.


[Rant/Rave] I just want thunderstorms, not thunder thighs
Created: Sat Jun 3 23:11:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5qwj/i_just_want_thunderstorms_not_thunder_thighs/
I'm looking forward to watching summer storms with my bf from our balcony in our apartment


I wanna be able to hear the thunder over my thighs ugh

Edit: I'm on mobile, flair rant

Sorry for bitching, y'all, I'm tired and cranky and feel gross bc I just binged/am still binging

[Rant/Rave] [rant] I need help. Do I need help?
Created: Sat Jun 3 22:50:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5nvg/rant_i_need_help_do_i_need_help/
I haven't posted on here in a while. I've been eating normally THANK GOD. it's been going well. Ups and downs. I'm back because you guys are always there to support me. ๐Ÿ’œ

Anyways, I've come to ask for help sort of. Ive been wondering if I need to go back to therapy. I used to go for mild depression and some slight anxiety. I'm much better now though. But I think it's coming back. You see I'm naturally not the most attractive person. I've got a pretty ok body I guess, not great but not terrible. Shitty hair but it can be managed. Etc. But my facial structure is really not good at all. I have more flaws on my face than I have good things. +big nose. +weird lips +flat eyebrows too close to eyes +skin that flares up red around my nose only super easily. I'm just so goddam ugly. Everything else I can *change.* I can tan, whiten my teeth, work out, cut calories, by prettier clothes, all things I've done to reach perfection. But I can't change my face. All of this is why I need someone to talk to. It's making me hate myself. I'm assuming I must have some degree of BDD because I hate my body so much. **I've never been called pretty or beautiful outside of parents or people being polite.** (i.e. asking a friend "am I pretty?" "Oh of course you are!!") **No one has ever had a crush on me or liked me.** (except one creepy neckbeard-y type guy, but that doesn't count) **Guys have never been interested in me.** Girls have never commented on my looks. All things that probably contributed to making me develop the ED habits in the first place. And it sucks because I feel like I do at least have average looks. I'm pretty sure I'm not downright *ugly* (despite what my mind would like me to believe.) So why don't I feel (and look) pretty and confident like all the other girls? I don't understand what is wrong with me.

**TLDR: I know I'll never be able to achieve perfection. And it's slowly killing me.**

P.S. I love you guys. Words cannot express my thanks. You all are so much more than the sufferers of eating disorders. You guys are strong and brave and beautiful and supportive and have helped me so many times even if you're unaware of it. Thanks.

My current bod, but I'm still so unhappy with it :'(
Created: Sat Jun 3 22:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5jib/my_current_bod_but_im_still_so_unhappy_with_it/

[Help] Ramadan
/u/TheGlitterMahdi [5'4" | 200lbs | 35 | -90lbs | Dude]
Created: Sat Jun 3 22:17:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f5jh7/ramadan/
Is anyone else here Muslim (or interfaith) and fasting for Ramadan? I've gained 5 lbs this past week and it's driving me crazy. By the time evening prayer is over, I'm so hungry that even with a protein-rich, 500 cal iftar I can't seem to stop snacking at night. It's so messed up because I wasn't having this problem before Ramadan; I was able to keep myself under 800 cals a day no problem. And it's not like I'm doing community iftars or anything, so I can control my intake and the foods I'm eating much better than in the past.

I don't know. I feel wicked bad about it all. Like I'm supposed to be focusing on my faith and on serving those around me and it's supposed to be this time of renewal and rebirth. And instead I'm just crushed every single morning when I step on that scale or put my clothes on, feeling like a complete failure, unable to focus on really anything but my body.

[Discussion] Have you guys seen Desperately Hungry Housewives | Only Human?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sat Jun 3 20:31:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f533b/have_you_guys_seen_desperately_hungry_housewives/

It's like a mini documentary (About 50 minutes long) about older women with eating disorders. I thought it was decent and couldn't find anything on the sub about it.

[Other] Not-so-thin-spo of Black women
/u/strongerthanyouknow [5'5" |145 |24.4 | -12 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 20:19:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f514r/notsothinspo_of_black_women/
The albums in [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/6f1nvr/surprise_butterscotch_dazzle_dazzle/diesdwt/) comment blow my mind.

Lots of people on here are looking towards being waifs and nonfeminene. However, I very much want to be a bombshell; absolutely gorgeous with curves and fat that is only in the right places.

I've tried thinspo but it doesn't appeal to me. I like thin, but only when it's bonespo. Athletic is too masculine, and fat is just gross. I have a typical black body build (pear shaped with a small waist) and feel like nothing that is mainstream will ever look good on me. This album is perfect because it's full of women that have muscle tone to make the fat they have left perfect. These images have ignited a fire in my soul.

Today I binged watched youtube videos of people trading their fat for muscle. The type where people don't necessarily lose weight but still drop clothing sizes and look 100x better because they exercise alongside restriction.

I am so excited y'all!!!

DAE have an ideal body type that isn't common here?

[Help] Calories in Nyquil?
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Sat Jun 3 19:44:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4vjn/calories_in_nyquil/
Too anxious to sleep and just really need to not think about life for a while so about to take some nyquil to sleep. The only reason I didn't take it earlier is because I was worried about the calories in it. Why am I like this.

[Rant/Rave] This is the lowest weight I've been in ~15 years, what?!
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Sat Jun 3 19:38:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4upi/this_is_the_lowest_weight_ive_been_in_15_years/
I just realized a minute ago just how freaking long it's been since I've weighted 171 like I did this morning. I was 20 years old in 2002 and had just completed Army basic training + Mechanic school ๐Ÿ˜ง

Holy crap I'm old but also I feel like breaking down now that I realize just how much of my life has passed me by since then. I'm not anywhere close to where my mind thinks I should be but jfc that's a long time to try and fight my way back down even that far. I remember back then being so stoked to look thinner, closer to being tiny like I was in 6&7th grade. But the stress of adult life just took over and for 15 years I ate basically everything and hated myself for undoing that opportunity to see bones again. Or if I tried to lose to fix myself I'd just not eat at all and try to haul my fat ass around a running track and that wasn't sustainable for long either.

I guess I'm torn between happiness that I might not be hopeless after all, and sad that I lost so many years because of it. But I guess it's good overall. At least I might be back in "you look too skinny" territory because that's what people used to say even though my BMI was barely under the medically overweight line. I really hope I can hear that again.

[Rant/Rave] Can't even use Facebook anymore ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:โ˜ ]
Created: Sat Jun 3 18:49:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4mwo/cant_even_use_facebook_anymore/
Literally anytime I log on it's nearly 100% food videos. I try to block them as I see them but there are so many different pages it's impossible to clear them all out ๐Ÿ˜”

[Discussion] TMI and kind of gross question? [Discussion]
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 193lb | 23.9 | -57lb | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 18:01:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4eod/tmi_and_kind_of_gross_question_discussion/
Okay so last night I got really, really sick. So I threw up. I'd had cake maybe an hour or two before, and most of it seemed to come back up (I'm sorry I know this is so gross!!). I was wondering if the calories would have already been absorbed at that point? Or am I good, since it seemed like it wasn't digested yet? I wasn't trying to purge, and this happened probably an hour after I ate the cake.

[Rant/Rave] My envy is so green it would give AL Gore a boner...
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sat Jun 3 17:55:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f4dqk/my_envy_is_so_green_it_would_give_al_gore_a_boner/
On mobile please flair as rant/rave.

So I'm on day three of fasting. Trying to get down to my pre binge week weight and also just don't feel like eating. The pleasure I derive from eating is so temporary. I think it is absolutely bonkers something meant to be a human necessity could make me feel so shitty. I jokingly tell people I'm allergic too food because whenever I have it my body swells up and my clothes don't fit.

Working at a vegan greasy spoon restaurant is torture because of all the beautiful delicious things I make for others I have yet to allow myself anything save for three occasions in the two months I've been here where I instantly regretted eating and felt the food sat too long and didn't seem worth it to me. Food shouldn't be something that is worth it or not it's supposed to be fuel at least that is what every fitizen says. My body has enough in its reserves to last me a while.

My coworkers seem to be able to moderate at make wise choices never having anything too heavy and when they do not eating the entirety of the plate. I don't trust myself for a second because I know I am sick.

For some reason I get a sick kick out of making food in hopes people will get fat. I always wanted to move somewhere that average would be considered skinny by comparison to the obesity segment of the popupation.

I have a coworker who recently started. She is quite large. That is the nicest way I could put it without going off on a mean derogatory tangent. The last few days I have cooked her employee meals (which I make as cook btw) are far from sensible. Being the awful person I am everyone I think B this is why you are fat. And honestly kudos cause I don't know very many obese vegans you are on a whole nother level.

Other coworkers of mine seem to eat whatever and do fine. I just can't see myself eating comfortably at work. Food slows me down and makes me feel sluggish. I have another coworker who's been a thinspiration. They are shorter and very petite and have this aesthetic I would die for. Tattoos or more than me. Always in Avante garden type clothes even though they are bound to get fucked up in the kitchen of all places. Just the other day they wore a Yohji yammamotto top like it was no big deal. He is a pretty interesting designer known for comfy oversized stuff that tends to look better on smaller bodies.

I lurked progress pics this morning and last night and normally it gives me some motivation but all I could think is that out of the people still look fat after losing weight.

This morning I Google stalked a bunch of celebrities and musicians to find their height and weight which I know there can't be very reliable sources for that. It bothered me because no one seemed close to my goal weight at all. Yes some where taller but even the ones my height were not much lighter only 15 pounds or so and here I am trying to drop 60 to 70 pounds.

It put my illness into some perspective. How crazy am I? How can I do this to myself. What I would give to be normal and just be able to eat like my coworkers minus the token fat one who makes me want to gag.

I want to be model-esque and thin. I want my clothes to cling for dear life to my bones, I want people to taunt and tease me about not gaining weight. I want to be desired and adored and also hated.

Here's to another day of depravity
I hope everyone else is taking care of themselves. I am trying to say the least. I ultimately have no desire to eat.

I am scared though because I only have today and tomorrow left in my work week and I always feel week on my days off.

Wish me luck and good vibes. At 7pm pacific time it will have been 72 hours.


[Rant/Rave] [rant] Food doesn't make me happy anymore
Created: Sat Jun 3 15:18:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f3knl/rant_food_doesnt_make_me_happy_anymore/
So for the past year or two I've choked down my anxiety with binging and purging and fasting and more binging. I've reached a new HW and I just....I feel awful. I'm kind of trying to get back into restriction which works for maybe a week at most. The anxiety makes me sit for hours debating eating to shut my already anxious thoughts up...and debating fasting to lose the anxiety of possible weight gain. My brain is just stuck in a vicious cycle of panic and I'm so over it. I feel like if I'm not eating, I definitely should be. But if I am eating I'm a disgusting pig. I can't win. And the kicker: binging isn't even helping me feel less anxious anymore. Food isn't my quick happiness fix. How did that happen?? So now I'm stuck in constant depression with nothing to shove down my throat and make me feel good. I should be happy. This is what I want, right? But I just feel worse, really. I'm so lost. The joke of it all is I'm somehow maintaining when I don't wanna be so I just feel so fucking invalidated. Damn. Felt good to type that into the void. This was probably the most inchorent post ever yikes my bad.

[Other] Trying to do something
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 124.4 | BMI: 19.42 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 15:13:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f3jvi/trying_to_do_something/
I've been so afraid of actually eating I've gone to the other extreme and binging and purging way too often. So I'm back to high restriction today to get back on track.

It's so fucking weird that my fear of food manifests in only being okay with it if I wind up purging. Because today, eating with the game plan of keeping it down makes the whole prospect of food terrifying. But I was losing on high restriction consistently so I want to go back to that.

Ugh. This shit is fucking exhausting.

[Discussion] DAE feel 10 times worse after going into a dressing room/trying on new clothes?
/u/CoolCatLovesAllKids [15 | Female]
Created: Sat Jun 3 14:25:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f3ayi/dae_feel_10_times_worse_after_going_into_a/
I had to go clothes shopping recently for summer clothes and whilst I was getting undressed my body seemed so unfamiliar. Perhaps it was due to the really bright lights, I don't know. I felt as if though I just gained so much weight, when I knew that wasn't the case because I had weighed myself that same morning and my weight didn't go up.

Every time I go clothes shopping I remember why I hate it so much lol

[Discussion] My psychologist gave me a referral to a dietitian
Created: Sat Jun 3 14:14:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f38zz/my_psychologist_gave_me_a_referral_to_a_dietitian/

[Discussion] My psychologist gave me a referral to a dietician
Created: Sat Jun 3 14:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f37gt/my_psychologist_gave_me_a_referral_to_a_dietician/

[Rant/Rave] "Illnesses get better."
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f35r5/illnesses_get_better/
Me: *makes offhand comment about my craziness*

SO: You are always so convinced that you have a mental illness.

Me: I've been *diagnosed*. Do you really think I'm not mentally ill? How else can you possibly look at it?

SO: ...

Me: I'm genuinely curious what you think.

SO: Well even if you are mentally ill, illnesses get better, and--

Me: Not always.

I realize that I post on here a lot, and I talk about my SO a lot too. (My life is very boring right now, haha.) But I have been realizing more and more lately how he really does not understand my brain. (And how much I interrupt him, yeesh.) He cares, yes, but even after two years together, he doesn't get it. I am never going to be "better." I can't be fixed with hugs and kisses.

In a way I love how innocent he is about it. He has had such a hard life so far, but his brain is just wired for happiness. He finds so much joy in the world that even at the worst times he can laugh and find things worth living for. But there us something lonely about it for me, because it's sinking in how much he really doesn't understand. And how much I need to communicate so that he knows what he's in for. We're doomed if he thinks I'm going to get "better."

On mobile and not sure what to flair as. Other, maybe?

[Rant/Rave] Hotel waffle maker has me fucked up
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:39:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f32g9/hotel_waffle_maker_has_me_fucked_up/
The nutritional information for this hotel chain's breakfast bar lists a Belgian waffle as 218 calories. There are also several listings of "make your own" Belgian waffles at hotels at 230 calories.

However, what exactly is this data going off of? It literally just occurred to me that the waffle I ate hours ago just seemed too fluffy/full to be in the range of 200-ish calories. They just gave you a paper cup to pour the batter in, like every other breakfast buffet I've seen...where on earth did they get 217 calories from? I feel like this information is deceptive...

**tl;dr; Waffles have fucked with the wrong eating disordered waste of space.**

[Rant/Rave] fasting, i guess???
/u/indogyearsimdead [โœจ 5'5" | 105 | 17.68 | -51 | Fโœจ]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:30:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f30rt/fasting_i_guess/
i worked this morning, and during my break i couldn't decide on a breakfast snack so i ended up just not eating anything and now i'm home and my partner will be gone all day so i guess i'm fasting y'all!! i've been at a pretty steady weight for a while so all of this seems like a sign / the nudge i need to lose some of this. wish me luck ๐ŸŒท

[Discussion] Birth Control
/u/DisguisedAsMe [5'3" | 115 lbs | BMI: 20.93| -13.7 | 21F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 13:08:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2wqe/birth_control/
Now, I knew that potential weight gain was a side effect when I tried birth control. I never had an issue with what I was taking and then my insurance switched it up on me. I have gained 10 lbs in the past 2 weeks. Now I don't know if I should stop taking it or what but I literally cried because I feel like a whale in a bikini. Has anyone else dealt with this? Also, what types of birth control have worked best for you guys? I am open to paying more and switching lol

[Rant/Rave] I hate my ED
Created: Sat Jun 3 12:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2tdi/i_hate_my_ed/

[Rant/Rave] I just discovered Bai drinks
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:48:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2h8t/i_just_discovered_bai_drinks/
I don't know if I'm crazy late with this, but I just tried Bai for the first time. So basically it's an "antioxidant drink" that's 10 cals per bottle. It's got some electrolytes, caffeine, and it actually tastes good??? Idk how healthy it really is, but it's pretty good.

I'm excited cause usually when I try these drinks (eg, the sparkling ice or whatever, hint, etc) they taste like water or nothing or nasty. But this one is actually yummy. Anyway, the one I tried was a pineapple coconut flavor and it immediately made me think SMOOTHIES. I think the different flavors would work great in smoothies.

But what I'm really excited about is the idea of using it to make an alcoholic drink. I think mixing it with some coconut rum and some ice in a blender would make a super delicious and low cal Pina colada slushie thing!!!! I'm crazy excited to try this cause sweet cocktails are my jam.

Anyway, like I said, I might be years late with this revelation, but I haven't seen anything about it on here so I thought I'd rave about it a little.

[Rant/Rave] I have zero doubts about the realness of my monster anymore [rant]
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'6" | CW 161.8 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:40:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2frf/i_have_zero_doubts_about_the_realness_of_my/
tw: drugs, bad trips

So, the other night I tripped on 100ug of acid with my boyfriend and a friend. No big deal, I've tripped before. I was actually pretty excited. The whole things was going okay, until I found myself in the bathroom.

The infamous fucking mirror.

The mirror is a bad idea for ANYONE taking LSD, but imagine standing The for an hour, clutching your body fat until it hurts, having your inner demon manifest into a real person before your eyes, screaming at you for doing this to them. I hate my boobs like nothing else now; I've never hated them that much, but they're like cow udders to me now. I hate them. They take up space and I want them gone. My stomach, my thighs, I've SEEN how good I'd look without them, even if I've never been underweight in real life. I've seen what I look like bony and tiny, that's the REAL me, and she was so... angry at me.

And then I started bawling for another hour, because I realized I'll never be able to escape my own head, and that no one on this earth has said anything so awful that it can even be compared to the things I've said to myself. No one has ever been so cruel to me, and I would NEVER be so cruel to someone else.

And yet, I'm still overweight.

Fuck, I need emotional help.

[Discussion] What are your subtle, not-so-subtle eating habits that people may have picked up on?
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:27:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2d86/what_are_your_subtle_notsosubtle_eating_habits/

[Rant/Rave] My new clothes already don't fit
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:16:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f2b0r/my_new_clothes_already_dont_fit/
A couple weeks ago my friends and I went to the mall to get new clothes and I got a pair of jeans. I put them on this morning and they are huge? I can fit both of my fists in the waistband... (These aren't stretchy) And I can't return them since I've already worn them. The shirts I got as well are also starting to look a little baggy, even though they looked more fitted when I got them. :/

[Discussion] How much water do you usually drink?
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:07:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f29cv/how_much_water_do_you_usually_drink/

[Rant/Rave] Doomed to fatness forever
Created: Sat Jun 3 11:00:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f27vo/doomed_to_fatness_forever/
I was doing well and then I went in vacation. My SO loves to eat horribly while on vacation, but he never seems to gain weight from it. Needless to say he ordered pulled pork nachos, fried Oreos (2 separate times), fried Twinkie and twister fries. It was a super calorific weekend in the mountains and his reasoning was that we were hiking 6 plus hours a day so the food affect us. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I have self control unless the food is right in front of me. I sat there staring at those Oreos and I wanted them so so bad. We ended up halting everything we ordered, but I still had so much. I am disgusting. At this rate I'll never ever lose weight. I'm up 3 ish pounds and it's horrifying. I've been trying to get back to the gym and once my work schedule gets to normal I'll have a solid schedule and I can spend every Friday working out all day ๐Ÿ˜

It's so frustrating to be with someone that legitimately enjoys food and doesn't think twice about ordering total shit. It's also not fair that he never gains an ounce from it..

[Discussion] I dreamt that somebody called me disgusting
/u/AnaWahad [I'm done]
Created: Sat Jun 3 09:55:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1vwx/i_dreamt_that_somebody_called_me_disgusting/
I don't know why this is bothering me so much :( In the dream, we were in class and this guy I've never seen before (but kinda looks like Joel from CNCO) turns around and says "You're the most disgusting thing I've ever seen".

Then the dream-me started saying stuff like "wow man that's rude" or "I'm not disgusting why tf would you say that".

I usually don't read much into dreams but idk, it sounded like I was talking to myself in this. The part of me that always tells me that I'm ugly and not even worth looking at, and the other part that knows that I'm fine.

Have you guys had any interesting dreams lately?

[Rant/Rave] "You look thinner but I don't know it it's a good thing"
Created: Sat Jun 3 09:37:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1shx/you_look_thinner_but_i_dont_know_it_its_a_good/
I saw a friend last night that I hadn't seen in a month. He said I looked like I had lost weight since the last time he saw me and I was skeptical and looked at MFP and I was literally exactly the same weight. Maybe my outfit was more flattering? Who knows, I'll take it.

BUT THEN, he just said I look really different from when he first met me, just different and thinner and smaller but he didn't know if it was a good thing. Like ???? I think I've mentioned this in a previous comment, but why comment on someone's body if it's negative? I'm right in the middle of the healthy BMI range, it's not like I'm 5'5 and 3 pounds. I just looked, and I was about 10 lb heavier when we met (2 years ago) but it's not like I haven't seen him since then, we see each other pretty regularly.

Ugh, so frustrating. So then I had about 1,000 of those fruity tiny shots that barely have any alcohol in them. Lol.

[Rant/Rave] "You look healthy"
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | - 130 | 30F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 09:27:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1qpl/you_look_healthy/
Today I binged which I NEVER do and basically cried via text about how I'm disgusting fat fuck and he says (which not long ago he's been concerned with my health)

He said the magic words

"You are looking super healthy"

I am defeated, a failure, a fuck up. I DONT WANT to look "super healthy" that is fat average "normal" and everything I'm working and have been working so hard not to be.

I'm so fucking depressed.


Does anyone feel like this or something?

[Discussion] when you reach your goal weight, do you think you are going to eat at maintenence?
Created: Sat Jun 3 08:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f1cyr/when_you_reach_your_goal_weight_do_you_think_you/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 03, 2017
Created: Sat Jun 3 06:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0vvd/stupid_questions_saturday_june_03_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 03, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 03, 2017
Created: Sat Jun 3 06:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0vse/daily_food_diary_june_03_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 03, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Thinspo] ANTM
Created: Sat Jun 3 06:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0ur1/antm/
I started watching season 19 and Victoria when she's not eating and constantly working out and insisting she doesn't have an ED I'm just like oh boy but at the same time like GOALS. She looks so small and inspires my restriction. What are your fav seasons? ANTM is like my ultimate thinspo and I just started binge watching it (lol instead of food binges)

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Unachievable body image
/u/torchythetorchic [5'0 | 95 lbs | NB/F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 05:32:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0qyy/rant_unachievable_body_image/
I hate it when people say that being skinny is unrealistic and unachievable. No its not! Anyone can lose weight.

You know what is actually unachievable for a lot of people? Being tall :(

I hate that all thinspo is for tall people.

I hate that all clothes are made for tall people.

When fat people say that skinny girls never cry in dressing rooms because they can't find clothes that fit. Bullshit.

Anyone can lose weight (I'm not saying it's easy - just saying it's doable) but it's physically impossible for me to look like "those girls" and it's killing me.

[Rant/Rave] "It's embarrassing how much effort I put into taking a picture for you..."
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Sat Jun 3 04:43:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f0l6j/its_embarrassing_how_much_effort_i_put_into/
"...when I know I will delete each one bc I hate myself."

[Rant/Rave] I have been at my GW for weeks.
/u/bir_die [๐ŸŒธ 5'8" | 118.4 | 17.81 | GW: 117 | 23 Bird ๐ŸŒธ]
Created: Sat Jun 3 01:36:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f00wb/i_have_been_at_my_gw_for_weeks/
Technically a little under.

I was finally able to accurately see how my scales read and one is perfect, one adds a pound.

I've been adding three to my weigh-ins.

So now I'm freaking out and cramming a pan of browniecookies down my throat as I contemplate my existence and recovery and the fact I've BEEN a 15 BMI but don't see it at all and Jesus Christ. I don't even know what to do with myself and this information. Not updating my flair until Monday, though. That is the Rule.

God. 104.9. W h a t. And it's still! Not! Enough!

I am going to rip this ED out of my head because it is literally going to kill me.

In other news: the brookie thing you can get from the walmart bakery section is subpar at best. 5/10 would not say worth the binge. (But I am eating all of them anyway).

[Rant/Rave] Basically losing it at this point
Created: Sat Jun 3 01:32:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6f00et/basically_losing_it_at_this_point/
Long time lurker, occasional poster on many different alts that I keep forgetting since I go months before I feel shit enough to post and here I am again.

I am losing it right now. I have had as terrible year as I expected to last summer (grad school in a new country in a program my abusive parents chose for me that is diametrically opposed to what I am actually interested in, with boyfriend on the other side of the world). My main coping mechanism has been binge eating so I've ended up gaining 40 pounds in the last 12 months.

I am sickened with myself. I haven't been this fat since I was in high school and developed all my body dysmorphia and ED, and it is crushing to be back here again. I hate my body. I don't fit in any of my clothes at this point, but i can't go shopping or I'll have an anxiety attack in the changing room. I can't be naked around my boyfriend when he comes to visit or let him touch me which is just straining the relationship even more than my already crippling depression. I keep picking at my skin like crazy because all the sugar is making me break out. I keep pinching at my arms and thighs and face and neck and stomach and just wishing I could rip chunks away till I was thin.

I wish I looked as fragile on the outside as I am on the inside. Maybe if I was waif thin people would want to help me, and understand what I'm going through. I've gone without a psychiatrist for over a year now, after just being diagnosed with BP II so that hasn't helped, and the prozac just made me hungrier and more tired.

I have two more exams till my program is over (aside from the dissertation), and only this week have I even made friends because I spent all year so depressed I never went out. I hate myself. I'm losing my youth to this and I don't have the self control to just starve myself better for more than a few days.

Sorry this is so long. I figured people here might be the only ones who would understand.

[Other] Pandora made a mistake
Created: Sat Jun 3 01:03:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezx6i/pandora_made_a_mistake/

[Rant/Rave] I am a wreck and things can only get worse.
Created: Fri Jun 2 23:15:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezjjc/i_am_a_wreck_and_things_can_only_get_worse/

[Rant/Rave] the curse of tits.
/u/skinnylove73 [5'10 | 124 | 17.35 | -16 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 22:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezdn7/the_curse_of_tits/
i wear a size 30D. i can never have that beautiful flat chest with many rib bones showing. it drives me crazy. anyone else?

[Help] My gums are bleeding?
Created: Fri Jun 2 22:22:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ezbzy/my_gums_are_bleeding/
OK so I'm bulimic and I purge on the daily and I try to keep my teeth healthy or...as less damaged as I could (baking soda rinse, floss daily, mouthwash with fluoride, all that shit) but SHIT FUCKING

I fucking hate bulimia
I can't even
I'm gonna try to restrict but I probably will not do so well IDK

help guys calm me down please I'm so mad at myself WHY DID I EVEN START 7 YEARS AGO LOL IM SO DED THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO MEE this will break me down and my self concept depends on teeth and thinness. I dunno Im freakin

NEVER start purging NEVER NEVER NEVER its the grossest thing to get used to

[Thinspo] Thinspo ๐Ÿ’Ž
/u/depression-or-pms [5'4 | CW:131lbs | GW 125| GW2 115lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 21:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ez13b/thinspo/

[Help] How do you just... stop eating?
Created: Fri Jun 2 18:54:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eye93/how_do_you_just_stop_eating/

[Other] Aha! The human trash bag strikes again!
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:37:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exp4b/aha_the_human_trash_bag_strikes_again/

[Rant/Rave] none of my shorts fit!
/u/starskyandspring [5'6 โ€ข cw: sad โ€ข -20ish โ€ข gw: 113 โ€ข 20F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:28:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exnaa/none_of_my_shorts_fit/
i'm currently trying to get dressed to go out tonight with my friends and it's ~80 degrees so i'm thinking shorts, right? i recently brought all my shorts from last summer out and was excited to wear them. i just tried on 3 pairs and every single one is HUGE on me! literally won't stay up. i am FREAKING out

while i'm sad i can't wear shorts tonight and i have to buy an entire new wardrobe of shorts at some point, i'm beaming. i feel so good about myself! i haven't had a moment like this in forever and had to share with someone :)

happy weekend everyone!

[Rant/Rave] |Rant| 'Constructive' Instagram comments
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |113.2 | -106.8 | GW: 110 | UGW:100 | 20A]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:26:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exmq1/rant_constructive_instagram_comments/
I have a daily food diary account on Instagram that I use to log my meals on/along w/ mfp, loseit, *and* the daily one on here lol, #neurotic/ and have received several comments on my posts recently that are all like 'just so you *knooow*, blah blah starvation mode, 1200 is the minimum blah blah' and they're driving me insane.
I don't do high restriction, most days I'm between 550-800, and these people make me want to restrict even further to prove a point sometimes. Oh hey, lookit me eating 200 calories a day and not gaining weight, how can this be??? Maybe it's a thing called fucking cico?? Maybe my body is expending more energy than it's consuming?? Maybe science?? No? You just want to tell me that I'm being unhealthy under the guise of 'constructive concern' so you can preach your ideals and myths? Okcoolthx good talk.

[Rant/Rave] Yeahhh I can't do this
/u/milky_toast [๐Ÿ„ 5'1" | 108.0 | 21.31 | -76 | F ๐ŸŒธ]
Created: Fri Jun 2 16:11:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exjrx/yeahhh_i_cant_do_this/
I tried to eat more. I stopped tracking for a whole week. I got my period, felt pretty great. My anxiety noticeably decreased, and chest pains are non existent. This past week I've been semi tracking, but eating at 1300 everyday.

Physically I feel pretty good, and it's like one half of my brain is feeling awesome too. But there's a part of me that is losing its shit. I don't have a routine, I feel like I am completely out of control. I feel like a fucking loser. I actually completely forgot to do TWO different major assignments for classes. I don't ever forget to take care of school shit!! Ever!!! I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm not restricting, I'm not strictly watching my intake, and I feel like a piece of me is missing.

Fuck I feel like crap. I have to start restricting again. I need a plan again.

[Help] I'm visiting my boyfriend and I don't know how to hide all of my weird food habits???
/u/Lets_leave_theparty [5'9 | CW: 185 | 27.3 | GW: 140 | 20F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 15:57:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exgtn/im_visiting_my_boyfriend_and_i_dont_know_how_to/
Sorry if this turns into a block of text! I guess it's a partial rant/partial desperate need for advice.

So I'm visiting my boyfriend, who is living across the country, for a week. He's living with his family right now, so I'll be staying there with them. The problem is that his mom makes SO MUCH FOOD ALL THE TIME. At any point in the day we could go upstairs and find something to eat, and it's hardly ever healthy. His mom especially loves making big dinners when I come to visit. I just went vegetarian about a month or two ago partially as an excuse to get away with eating less without my boyfriend catching on. The thing is, I don't think his family knows I'm vegetarian. And I don't want his mom to have to make special meals for me. But I also don't really have the option of making my own food :/ Eating was a big thing my boyfriend and I used to bond over. There are all of these great restaurants near him that we would always go to whenever I visited. But recently I've been falling deeper into my ED and I feel extremely guilty and mad at myself just thinking about eating all of that food. Then at the same time I can't stop thinking about how yummy it always was and how easy it will be for me to cave in and just binge. I'm staying for 10 days and I'm honestly freaking out and don't know what to do :(:(:( Any tips? โ™กโ™กโ™ก

[Help] Increased my carbs and scale hasn't changed in 5 days. Correlation?
/u/thinismygame [5'6.5" | 141.8 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 15:36:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6exckg/increased_my_carbs_and_scale_hasnt_changed_in_5/
So I've been eating at or just under 500cals/day for a little over 2 weeks. However I have been the SAME EXACT weight since Monday -- 147.6. Every time. Right in the morning, and right after I eat, and on every flat surface. It's maddening.

The only thing that has changed is that I've increased my carbs (skinny pop & rice cakes yo) quite a bit while still staying under 500 cals (I weigh out everything including prepackaged items). Reallllly frustrating to not see a change. Is this just water retention from extra carbs!? Will I be 147.6 forever!?!?

Any reassurance would be great because I'm feeling pretty down about this <3

[Other] Streak counter app?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri Jun 2 15:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ex96k/streak_counter_app/
Hey y'all,

Does anyone happen to know of an iOS app where you can keep track of multiple daily streaks? Like it would have number of days since you've done something or that you've continuously done something and you'd have to reset it if you fucked up.

I'm looking to keep track of purging mostly, but would also like to track streaks for not compulsively picking, for taking my vitamins, and other goals as they come up.


[Rant/Rave] I'm losing weight in all the wrong places ...
Created: Fri Jun 2 14:17:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewvtu/im_losing_weight_in_all_the_wrong_places/

[Discussion] Anybody casually open about their ED to others?
Created: Fri Jun 2 13:30:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewl44/anybody_casually_open_about_their_ed_to_others/
I've recently started telling close friends that I struggle with ED and it's been very freeing. I was getting so tired of lying to people about what I'm eating.
Today at work a nosy coworker asked if I was going to get lunch and I just said 'no.' Without any defensiveness, nothing, just owning it. It felt good. They can think what they want. I'm done expending the energy on it.

Is anybody else here open about their issues to people outside of their SO and if so what has the experience been like?

[Rant/Rave] Mom's going to be mad that I won't be eating her food again.
/u/EmpressAdrianne [๐Ÿฆ„5'10"|CW167|GW ๐Ÿ’€|SW225|F๐Ÿฆ„]
Created: Fri Jun 2 13:06:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewfuh/moms_going_to_be_mad_that_i_wont_be_eating_her/
On mobile: tried to flair as rant

My parents live about a mile from me and my kids, so we visit over there quite a bit (esp. for the swimming pool now that it's summer). My mom loves cooking and if she knows we're coming over around a meal time she always has something made. The thing is, I don't have a clue what she uses with some of her dishes. And tbh I really don't want to eat it if I don't know what's in it, calorie-wise.

I've done this in the past for various reasons and she always gets irritated/offended. I've never been one to hide or secretly dispose of food because I just don't think it's up to someone else when I eat or not. I'd simply refuse it and maybe lie about having had something earlier (which is much easier since I've been an adult not living there).

Sorry mom, but if I can't confirm that it isn't trash then I'm going to assume that it is. I don't want that kind of filth inside me.

[Discussion] I'm a nicer person when I restrict.
/u/scandinaviandreams [6'0" | 131 | 17.93 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:55:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewdbz/im_a_nicer_person_when_i_restrict/
Can anyone else relate to this? The days when I restrict I tend to be nicer, more productive and just in general a more pleasant person. But days when I binge I just get grumpy and feel so... sluggish.

[Rant/Rave] Fat Upper Body??
/u/commeunecho [168cm | CW116 | 18.7 | -24 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:47:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ewbjc/fat_upper_body/
So I'm fat everywhere but my upper arms are absolutely disgusting. My legs have always been a bit thinner and I hate it. My arms are so huge and look really bad in every picture.
I'm definitely an "inverted triangle" body shape so my shoulders are so broad (my ribcage is huge and my hips are narrow). I see everyone else's arms and they look so much better than mine and it makes me want to disintegrate. I'm scared that no matter how much I lose I will always have horrible flabby arms. I wish I could get liposuction or something.
Just wondering if anyone else is like this or changed it somehow with muscle or something??

[Discussion] Does anybody not weigh themselves on purpose?
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:20:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ew5ej/does_anybody_not_weigh_themselves_on_purpose/

[Rant/Rave] National Donut Day and other such disasters
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 12:16:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ew4ox/national_donut_day_and_other_such_disasters/
Low restricted for 3 days to be able to afford my annual free donut. Budgeted exactly 220--the number of calories in the healthiest donut they have. Show up and they are *out of those donuts*, are not planning to make more, and the next-lowest have 50 more calories.

Why don't you just stab me right in the heart, donut lady?

[Discussion] ED thoughts during sex
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri Jun 2 11:48:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evy9e/ed_thoughts_during_sex/
I was wondering if your ED thoughts creep in on you during sex. Mine certainly do, even though I love sex and have a very high drive for it.

Here are some of the psycho thoughts that go through my head on a usual night with the boyfriend:

* *I look like a whale, better pretend I'm too tired for sex so I don't have to take my clothes off.*

* *Okay, he's very frisky tonight, and fuck it, so am I. Maybe just a blowjob.*

* *Nononono I thought I could just give you a blowjob! Okay, I'll just have sex with my dress still on. Don't take my dress off, I look like a cow. That feels good. NO do NOT kiss my fat belly. But that feels really good. Damn it, dress is off. Why are you squeezing my fat? Do you want me to notice how fat I am? Because I already notice. Why are you looking? Stoplookingstoplookingstoplooking.*

* *Wait, are you grabbing my bones? Is that even possible right now? I can't believe you're using my ribs and my hipbones as handle holds right now. Oh my god. I knew it. You like skinny. You like bones. You want me to be skinnier. I GET IT, I'M F---fuck that's nice.*

* *Okay so how many calories were in that bite of ice cream? And was that beer 156 or 176 calories? I can't remember. Am I burning enough calories right now to make up for that bite of ice cream? Maybe...Ooh, how did he get me to do that?*

* *Ew I can feel all my sweat. I wouldn't get this sweaty if I was thin.*

* *I'll just hold him as tight as possible so he won't make me do cowgirl. Nonono no I don't want to sit up! Why do you want to see all of this? Fuck, that feels good.*

Anyone want to share their psycho ED sex thoughts so I don't feel so alone? lol

[Rant/Rave] 2 day binge while traveling, gotta get back on track!
/u/edthrowawaywhoops [5'9"| CW: 136| GW: Kate Middleton| F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 11:38:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evvuu/2_day_binge_while_traveling_gotta_get_back_on/
Anyone struggle with recovering from a binge while traveling?

Ugh so I'm traveling this week to visit friends and I feel like so many activities when you're traveling revolve around food/drinks and I have such poor impulse control I just wanna avoid those things but I've already had fries and ice cream and so many cocktails in the past 2 days. I usually stick to 1200 cal/day (or under ideally) and I've had easily 2000+ on weds and thurs, and my TDEE is 1600 so I'm definitely gonna gain weight from this and I feel like I'm undoing all my progress. At least there isn't a scale where I'm staying so I can't freak out over water retention weight from eating so much more...but I'm also kinda freaking out because I can't weigh myself.

Goal for the rest of the trip (6 days) is to just eat veggies/salads. With minimal dressing, if any. Good thing I brought my food scale with me! I'll allow myself 1 cocktail on Saturday night when I go out with my friends, but aside from that I'm gonna hafta have so much self-discipline, and pre-make all my lunches before I go out for the day so that I can't be tempted by gross delicious fatty/salty food

/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 23F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 11:24:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evsn5/a_gift_from_god_himself/
Pre-riced cauliflower. PRE-RICED CAULIFLOWER


I got two bags from Cost-Co and an ENTIRE BAG is 100 calories... THAT'S A FRICKIN LOT OF FOOD. THAT'S 16OZ OF CAULIFLOWER

I sauteed garlic and spinach in a olive oil (I used 2tsp.. kind of a lot... because it makes the cauliflower so fluffy, but you can definitely cut that down and just watch closely so it doesn't burn) and then dumped all the cauliflower into the pan and cooked until soft and added Parmesan cheese.

It was OUT OF THIS WORLD DELICIOUS and SO MUCH FOOD that I literally couldn't eat all of it. I ended up setting half the bowl aside for an hour or two and then picking up for a snack later on in the night.

The breakdown:

2 tsp olive oil: 80

2 cups of spinach (sounds like a lot, but it cooks down to nothing): 14

Garlic cloves: 15

Cauliflower: 100

3 tablespoons Parmesan: 90

Total: like SIX CUPS OF FOOD for 299 calories.

[Thinspo] In honor of her new album, some halsey inspo because she's my queen
Created: Fri Jun 2 10:35:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6evhee/in_honor_of_her_new_album_some_halsey_inspo/

[Other] Can't decide if vertigo or dizzy b/c I haven't eaten
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:58:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev99x/cant_decide_if_vertigo_or_dizzy_bc_i_havent_eaten/

Can't decide if vertigo of dizzy b/c I haven't eaten
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:57:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev92a/cant_decide_if_vertigo_of_dizzy_bc_i_havent_eaten/

[Discussion] Anyone have kids?
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:51:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev7px/anyone_have_kids/
I don't but just curious. Does having an ED ever affect them? Like I know kids ask the weirdest shit and say the first thing on their minds so do they ever pick up on your habits??

PS: I don't wanna have a kid or get married anytime soon but IDK man curious

[Rant/Rave] went from a 19 bmi to a 22 bmi in a month
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:42:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev5mj/went_from_a_19_bmi_to_a_22_bmi_in_a_month/

[Discussion] Dae look at people hands to see if they have an eating disorder
Created: Fri Jun 2 09:26:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ev21d/dae_look_at_people_hands_to_see_if_they_have_an/
Like most people who have anorexia have really nicely painted nails that are almost always one color and people who have bulimia have red or mauve knuckles

[Discussion] How accurate is a Fitbit?
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:55:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6euv9j/how_accurate_is_a_fitbit/
Do you guys trust them? I kind of want one, but idk

[Other] Rediscovered an old favorite.
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:48:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eutns/rediscovered_an_old_favorite/

[Discussion] Starting from a higher BMI: What physical changes did you notice first? [Discussion]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:41:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eus60/starting_from_a_higher_bmi_what_physical_changes/

[Other] Toxic beauty (a poem)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:26:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eup2v/toxic_beauty_a_poem/
Not sure how to flair cause I am on mobile I guess rant rave.

I want my thighs to be like ships passing in the night, never touching,

My clothes hang off my bones creating an emaciated mannequin,

My rapid heart be and shortness or breathe is the toll I pay to end this oblivion, knowing I'll expire before I ever gain admittance,

They will see me when they can't anymore, when my feet only delicately move on wooden floors without a creak or sound,

Anyone who teases will eat their words and choke to see me as I was never before,

All of this for what, a castle made of sand meant to drown in the silent waves of the incoming tide,

I'm selfishly sacrificial in that I don't want to take what isn't mine, I just want to be left alone in my little space,

Dark circles, cheek bones, tears permanently etched on a stone face,

No one believed or bought what I was selling, only to see me now for what could be the last time,

I eat their stares, their words and glares, breathing in all I brought upon myself,

All of this. Toxic. Beauty. Health.


[Rant/Rave] [rant] I don't even know what triggered it
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:21:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eunw3/rant_i_dont_even_know_what_triggered_it/
I really have no idea what triggered this last two day binge. I was feeling pretty okay, and I had been trying to eat normally. Maybe it was the guilt of letting my boyfriend watch me skip meals. Maybe it was my exhaustion from choosing what to eat.

But I ate. And this binge was worse than any I've had in a long time. Foods that I'd been ignoring for weeks suddenly became appealing. Food my boyfriend left here suddenly became fair game. I ate for hours until I felt so full that it hurt to breathe. I was nauseous and I just laid down on my side and cried. Then I woke up the next morning and did it again.

I don't know if I'll do it again today. I don't feel like I have any control over it. Some days I starve, other days I eat, other days I binge. And I don't control it. I never control it. And this is why fasting and restricting on the days I *can* feels like the only choice I do have. Even if it makes my boyfriend sad, even if it means I waste food. Because days like this I'm completely out of control. And I'll gain weight if I don't fast on the days I can. And I can't gain weight.

I feel sick and I hate myself right now. I don't want to be in another bad binge cycle. I don't want to gain weight again. I was doing okay. I don't want to gain weight again. I really don't want to fucking gain weight again. I'm not even underweight. No one can tell me I need to gain weight. And I hate that too.

[Discussion] DAE use Friday as their cheat days?
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 08:20:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eunpw/dae_use_friday_as_their_cheat_days/
Friday has always been something of a 'cheat day' for me. Been restricting to ~700kcal/day this week and had a bad b/p weekend last week after my 'cheat day' turned into a cheat weekend + 2.

So, Trying to be a bit lenient on myself today. Had some food in the morning and a hamburger + fries for a late lunch. Desperate not to b/p even though I feel it nagging at me. Just a bit over 1200 today, but I feel extra shitty even though it's my 'cheat day'. Working the graveyard shift tonight, so I excused myself that way.

Does anyone else give themselves cheat days? I'm actually thinking about giving up on them altogether since they always push me into a bit of a b/p cycle. What do you guys do when you also yourselves to 'cheat'?

[Goal] Moving the goal post and stopping my excuses.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:41:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eufs5/moving_the_goal_post_and_stopping_my_excuses/
On mobile so flair Rant/Rave.

Even though I have yet to dull bellow certain weights before I fuck up and gain it back I am determined once again to stop my bullshit and do this so I can continue living my life (or dying in the process which would be ok too.)

I want to be underweight and at this point it is kind of far but I think I can do it. I'm commuting to full veganism after months of sabotaging myself one or two days a week and will also attempt low to medium restrict with more walking and vigorous calorie tracking. I am convinced my body is really inefficient in how it using energy I know it's fat logic but I just feel like my metabolism is fucked. I will not allow myself cheat days or meal but maybe try to fit small things into my goals for the days. I am going to try restricting with a couple fast days each week.

I had a fitbit for a while I used religiously that seemed to help but with my current job I can't wear any jewelry or bracelets due to health code so I purchased a cheap one I can clip to my pick or belt hopefully hidden from coworkers. If anyone has heard of jawbone it'd be nice to know how they do or had other recommendations for non wrist fitness trackers.

I am convinced my life is at a standstill until I achieve my goals. Sure I can pursue normal or intuitive eating later but I want to be thin first it's not fair having an eating disorder and all the mental baggage with nothing to show for my struggle so this is my post for accountability. I will create a follow up post at the end of this month or beginning of the next month with my current progress and hopefully not begin once again.

It's funny in a sick way that according to loser town with several tweaks and variations that I will achieve my ultimate goal (now 110 to 115lbs instead of 125) by October at the latest before what would have been my old anniversary with my SO. They live and work in DC now and I live in the PNW.

A part of me is scared that if I lose the weight they may no longer find me attractive but I also know I don't really care about being attractive. I go out of my way to be unattractive because then I can justify no one flirting with me or seeing me as attractive and perpetuate the idea that everyone hates me. I have long pink hair, an ironic hipster moustache and wear baggy skater clothes (I do skate) I just don't give a fuck but I want to feel delicate and graceful. I want to be able to purge (pun intended) my wardrobe of all but a few things because I have gotten to small. I want to be the envy of those around me for my dedication and control. I will be thin this time.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Love yourself.


[Rant/Rave] Just some Friday ED rants - anyone know these feels?
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:36:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6euerr/just_some_friday_ed_rants_anyone_know_these_feels/
1) Friends and family aware of your ED issues who treat every food related discussion as a manifestation of disordered eating. You know sometimes a girl just wants to discuss dinner option A vs B like people do all the time without being told "do you think you're stressing too much about it? It's just food, pick one." I realize but have you never debated hmm Mexican or Chinese? You have and no one told you you were stressing too much. Not every thing I mention about food is on the level of near panic attack and anxiety I just want to discuss the pros and cons of damn food options knowing neither is better or worse.

2) Damn slippery slope. My ED is restricting and overexercising. I'll be darned if I exercise 5 minutes more or eat 100 calories less then I have to top it the next day and so the spiral begins.

[Intro] A Little (probablly long) Intro
/u/forever-lurk [5'7" | HW: too high | WL: -39lbs | GW: 116 lbs | 24 F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:29:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eudl1/a_little_probablly_long_intro/
Hi all, I've lurked around on here for a while now and I must say that I am so relieved and thrilled to have found this subreddit. I've always felt too fat/too old/too impatient with BS for MPA even after I made the shift from dying livejournal communities to the site when I was younger.

I have never been skinny, I was in the 130s as a tween, but I just don't really count that considering I ballooned upwards from puberty on. I am the child of two addicts and that coupled with my German/Southern American family I guess I was just destined for failure lol. Food, food, food, it's everywhere.

My eating disorder is definitely a coping mechanism. It's my buffer between myself and the world around me. But I feel like what's the point when I have very little to show for it.

I am often torn between getting healthy and staying in my restriction cycle. I phase in out of denial like "Oh this is normal, this is fine!" Cue meme of cartoon dog sitting in flames saying "this is fine." Or, "Hey dummy, normal people don't this. Get it together." Cue me white knuckling through a few weeks of trying not to engage in behaviors, hopping on a scale, and then freaking out because I gained. The process just repeats.

I have tried to "recover" twice, the first time I was able to break my purging habit and have not purged in five years! Which I am incredibly proud of. The second time was after I had to drop out of college due to my failing mental health, in came the anti-depressants and sleeping medication as well as almost 90lbs of binge weight. Not so proud of that.

Anywho, that's me and my nonsense.
Thank you for reading!

[Help] Question about tiny red dots around my eyes?
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eud38/question_about_tiny_red_dots_around_my_eyes/

[Tip] If you absolutely must eat bread or toast...
/u/jizzjazzspazz [๐Ÿšฝ 5'5 | CW: 131.8lbs | SW: 160 | GW: 125 | UGW: 110 | Poo]
Created: Fri Jun 2 07:12:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6euado/if_you_absolutely_must_eat_bread_or_toast/

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 02, 2017
Created: Fri Jun 2 06:13:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eu00a/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
This is the weekly picture thread for June 02, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 02, 2017
Created: Fri Jun 2 06:13:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etzz9/daily_food_diary_june_02_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 02, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] me this morning: im going to eat healthy and work out
/u/kinaadman [CW: FAT | GW: 90lbs]
Created: Fri Jun 2 05:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etoi3/me_this_morning_im_going_to_eat_healthy_and_work/
me after i got home from work: do i binge or cut do i binge or cut do i binge or cut

me this evening: binge and binge drink and cut

~it's a pity party~!

[Discussion] Any tips for staying warm while restricting?
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | CW: 116 | GW: 100]
Created: Fri Jun 2 04:13:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ethxm/any_tips_for_staying_warm_while_restricting/
No amount of sweaters seems to help me anymore. When I restrict I'm always freezing unless it's like 80+ degrees.

Is that just what happens when you restrict too much or could it be a sign of some kind of defficiency?

[Rant/Rave] Thighs :(
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1 / CW:108 / BMI: 20.4 / GW: 85]
Created: Fri Jun 2 03:52:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etey6/thighs/
I can't stand the way my thighs feel when they touch, especially when I'm laying in bed at night. I know I'm not actually big but it just make me feel so huge and fat. Does anyone else have this?

[Help] I'm baking for work next week and need to do a practise bake this weekend
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 144 | GW 120 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 03:39:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6etdbq/im_baking_for_work_next_week_and_need_to_do_a/
It's brownies. I could eat an entire batch of brownies in one sitting.


Pray for me.

[Rant/Rave] Dae get offended by small calorie count?
Created: Fri Jun 2 03:02:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et8jg/dae_get_offended_by_small_calorie_count/

[Rant/Rave] I have to face the facts
/u/K_iwi [5'3" | 129 | 23.4 | GW 120 |F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 02:59:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et84b/i_have_to_face_the_facts/
Ive gained 18 lbs in the course of what feels like no time. I know its not water weight. Its not muscle, or bloat, or food weight. Its fat. The sooner I admit this to myself and accept it, the sooner I can work to fix it. I updated my flair. 18 lbs. I can only go down from here.

Hi again everyone. Its been a while. A long time filled with vile foods and just disgust all around. I don't want this anymore. I don't deserve this. Im not allowed to just accept this as my life, because its my fucking life. I don't struggle with not eating. Im too fat to have that as an excuse. Theres enough energy packed on me to fuel a fucking bus.

So we're back to square one. Past square one. Im at a Pre ED weight. I feel a disgusting, wobbly mess. I jiggle so much when I walk. My thighs rub together in a way they didn't before. My favorite pants don't button anymore. I lost control. I slipped too much. Its not okay. Its something that I'm going to have to make up for, and work my way down again. This time, I'll remember this feeling. Of failure. Of disgust. In a way, this experience made me stronger. I fear it now more than ever. I have to be dilligant, at all times, or this will happen again. I won't let it happen again. No matter how much food is shoved at me, nothing is worth this awful feeling

I don't need coddling anymore. I don't need to "start small, work down my calories." Im past that. I know what I need to do now. Strict dilligence. Starting today, I know my plan. What I need to do, everyday, to get past this. It will be hard. It might be the hardest thing I've ever done. But I need to abstain from this awful cycle I've put myself into. I need to clean my system of this awful rot, the sickening drug that draws me to the kitchen, reaching for another bite, one more sip, just one last taste. The strict routine is what I need; structure, balance, conditioning to remind myself that I am in control. I decide what I do, what I put in my mouth, when, why.

This next month is my atonement for the awful deed of destroying my body this way. And I embrace it fully. Whats done is done, and what needs to be done is the same. It is simply the balance of things. I look forward to building my strength, endurance, mind. The dizzying feeling of control, once again in my grasp. The hunger, a growl of triumph. I can do this. I *will* do this.

[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] My fast ends today & behavioural disorders are family
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Fri Jun 2 02:44:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et6im/rave_my_fast_ends_today_behavioural_disorders_are/

I did it. Today I finished my 3rd long "water" fast - I've been less strict and actually had green tea and some coffee.
It was a little shorter than my previous total water fasts, but ten days is a fine number. I'm getting more professional at it. I actually never had problems until now, but this time I felt even better than ever. It's the first time I also tried taking himalayan salt and I still lost more weight daily than on my last fasts. That said, I'm not doing it for the weight loss mainly, but for the reset.
I will need it for my trip an all the tempting (street) food.

Happy though that it's done. Not necessarily because I feel hungry, but because I feel like cooking. Even if it's just homemade vegetable bouillon (that I actually already started preparing yesterday).

I now have 4 days to start eating again. On day five I will IF (number one of a minimum of two fasts weekly) and I will be very consequent on this one.
If I don't want to gain un these 3weeks I have to. The main dish of the city I'm going to has 1300kcal for one serving!!!!

Anyways, today I will spend most of the day in the kitchen. The risk to overeat is non-existent because 1. I am disciplined enough to transition back smoothly and 2. because I only have a max of 3200kcal in the house for my remaing days. ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜Ž
That's a lot more than Dr. Galina Shatalova would approve of.

I will not break with (diluted) juices this time because I never liked the idea of giving your empty body sugar. Will try with broth and nuts to keep metabolism going and not shock my body.

A Dr. Jason Fung approach... Will see.

Anyways, I am happy. Let's keep it this way. Goal: Control without obsession. No binge and most important, no purge (!!!).

Back to intuitive eating (for me this ususally means after noon somehow) with a more or less frequent maximum of maintance energy "income" and regular total daily intermittent fasts (min.2/week).

In know this post isn't that interesting, but sharing will surely help me following the rules and not relapsing into stuffing myself and then wanting to get rid of it.

This last experience really showed me, that even if you try to forget about your ED, it doesn't forget about you.

So I try to shape and form it and incorporate it into my life, without letting it take the lead. I'm anti-authoritarian.

I try to change its behaviour. I can live with it, but we need to find a common ground and work something out - there are rules. Being weird is ok. But:
Wasting money and food is not allowed. Fucking up my health and beauty without asking is not an option. Period.

I know, that you never get rid of behavioral disorders... you need to cope with them, you need to know them. Accept that they are family. You didn't chose them, but they are always a part of your life. You can stop seeing them, but they will probably pop up in one way or the other. On an old picture at your parent's house or a family gathering. Being abnormal is who you are. Don't hate it. Because in the end you can turn them fuckers into something good. Either for experience, strength or a different way of approaching things... They are a part of you, make the best out of them. Use them as a tool.

Funny that I accepted it with all of my issues, but was just not ready to do it with my ED. But now its time has come.

[Rant/Rave] Wonder Woman and why I hate myself
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Fri Jun 2 02:17:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6et3fz/wonder_woman_and_why_i_hate_myself/
On mobile so flair as rant/rave

I just saw Wonderwoman with my family and I won't spoil it so don't worry if you still want to see it.

My biggest issue watching the film is my mind. In my mind all I could do is fixate on Gal Gadot's body and how she wasn't the typical Hollywood skinny actress. She actually looked fit or muscular and it bugged the shit out of me. She has blemishes and stretch marks or maybe my ED brain just distorts shit. I just couldn't enjoy the movie because all I could think about is how Wonderwoman looked "fat" like what the fuck is wrong with me.

Also the bathroom had full length mirrors which bugged me too.

End rant. I am a terrible person and want to purge until I bleed.

Hope everyone else is having a good night . Love yourselves even though the world sucks.

Sorry if this just comes off as shitty.


[Rant/Rave] I don't know where else to post this and I feel the need to tell someone.
Created: Fri Jun 2 01:18:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6esw25/i_dont_know_where_else_to_post_this_and_i_feel/

[Discussion] Our very own thinspo subreddit! [Info in comments]
Created: Fri Jun 2 00:34:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6esq9x/our_very_own_thinspo_subreddit_info_in_comments/

/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 23.03 | -75.4lbs | M]
Created: Thu Jun 1 22:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6esc91/just_buy_the_right_fudging_size_jfc/
I'm honestly so mad right now. Several months ago before I lost weight I wore size XL t-shirts but my mother would always buy 2XL. I asked her hundreds of times to buy the right size, telling her that it upset me and made me feel like she thought I was fat but she never corrected herself. Now I've lost weight and a size L fits me perfectly. I've told her this numerous times, she's even successfully bought me a few L shirts.

She's been traveling with her sisters and called me today to tell me about all the shops they went to and all the amazing shirts she thrifted for me that she just knew I'd love. Turns out that she's bought all XL. Told me how they went out of their way to find all the XL shirts for me like I would be proud of her.

Maybe it's just in my head but I was so mad. Told her right out to go return them and not waste the money because I won't wear them. XL is too baggy on me now, she should know that, etc. Then she starts going on and on about how they'll shrink in the wash and I can just wear them around the house and it's not a big deal.

Like, no. I'm not going to wear baggy ass shirts just because you think I'm a hippo. I don't want oversized clothes that I don't feel comfortable in even indoors and I've been washing the XL shirts I own for years so I know they're not going to shrink enough, that's not how sizes work.

I'm just really upset. We literally had a conversation yesterday where I told her I needed a new wardrobe because all my clothes are too big. I told her right out not 24 hours before she went shopping that I wear size L now and then she does this. It'd be one thing if she apologized and tried to exchange them but all she does is ignore what I say and make excuses for why it supposedly doesn't matter.

Well, it matters to me and if you can't even try to accept that then screw you.

[Rant/Rave] just ed things :)))))))
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | 21F | @blackcat_backfat]
Created: Thu Jun 1 22:13:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6es5b4/just_ed_things/
i've been eating this ice cream so long the sides of my fingers are getting bruised and the tops are getting burned!!!

haha isn't this so fun

(i'm on mobile tag rant? prtyplz)

[Rant/Rave] Deep breaths
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:56:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ersay/deep_breaths/
Can't flair, tag as rant I suppose?

Me: breathe deep. Don't panic.

Cons: ate much more than planned, including sugar/white flour which I was supposed to be detoxing from.

Pros: exercised today and will excercise a lot tomorrow. Ate a lot of protein and even though I went over, I ate pretty healthily.

My urge is to fast tomorrow (or HEAVILY restrict), but I know that will just end in a binge again. Tomorrow I will stick to my meal plan, guidelines, and calorie limit 100%. I will not eat sugar. I will not eat before 11am. It will be okay. My progress is ONLY ruined if I continue to ruin it. I can still be okay IF I stop now.

Ugh. Fuck this disorder. For the love of everything, please someone just give me a lean body and appropriate eating habits?? I have my whole life together except this. I guess it's better than a substance problem ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ maybe not though.

[Goal] June - 5000 calories a week.
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:28:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erney/june_5000_calories_a_week/

[Other] Finally bit the bullet and weighed myself
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 144|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:23:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ermho/finally_bit_the_bullet_and_weighed_myself/
I got sick of trying to lose weight without any definitive proof of progress so I finally ordered myself a scale. I avoided it for hours after it arrived out of fear. Schrodinger's body image: until I step on the scale, I'm both fat and not. Does anyone else do the thing when they're checking results of some sort where you pick a range or a threshold and say as long as __ is at least/most __ you won't have to kill yourself? And it's an absolute bluff, of course, but those are the words that cross my mind. Well, I said as long as I'm under 155 lbs all's not lost. I'm 150.2 lbs. Not where I want to be but considering I stepped on a scale (I don't know how accurate) a few weeks ago and it read 154, I'm in business. It's possible to be under 140 by July 1st if I stick to 1000cal/day and moderate exercise. I can reach my UGW of 125 by the end of the summer if I'm disciplined. And now I can finally set my flair!

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this
/u/youcanfadeaway [5ยด7 | CW 155 ? | GW1 140 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:12:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erkkw/why_am_i_like_this/
So I just calorie counted what my day wouldve looked like if i hadnt b/p and it was going to be under 200 cals.
I always thought that 40 g of chickpeas were like freaking 300 cals and so thats part of why I just said fuck it and gave in instead of posting here and now Im fucking pissed of and I cant even go one day without b/p
fuck, i feel hopeless

[Discussion] Sabotaging your stomach?
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:11:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erkg3/sabotaging_your_stomach/
Anyone else do this? When I start restricting, I eat spicy food the day before so I wont be able to stomach anything other than soup and toast the next few days.

[Discussion] 'girlfriend losing weight unhealthily' ...Thoughts?
Created: Thu Jun 1 20:06:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erjje/girlfriend_losing_weight_unhealthily_thoughts/

[Discussion] [discussion] Just fun ED things
/u/gl1tt3rv01d [5'8 | 153 | 23.2 | -68 | ftx]
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:57:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erhyn/discussion_just_fun_ed_things/
...like eating cold soup out of the can bc heating it will be Bad ^TM (aka tonight)...

...or picking the vegetables off pizza and eating those first because i honestly don't remember (a few weeks ago) ...

... halo top pint for dinner (yesterday)...

jesus I'm slipping back in easily. this'll be a fuckin ride.

[Thinspo] Sorry for not posting lately. I've been super busy with work. Anyways, Daily Thinspo.
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:24:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6erbs5/sorry_for_not_posting_lately_ive_been_super_busy/

[Discussion] Wellbutrin and EDs?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:08:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6er8tm/wellbutrin_and_eds/
I got prescribed Wellbutrin today and I lied to the doctor when he asked if I had an ED. Apparently you're not supposed to take it if you have a history of eating disorders. I heard it can cause weight loss; is that the reason, or is it something else?

[Discussion] Would anyone else be down for a takeover of r/thinspo?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW168|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu Jun 1 19:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6er7pb/would_anyone_else_be_down_for_a_takeover_of/
So I'm pretty bitter about the fact that the thinspo subreddit got taken over by creepy dudes jerking off to skinny girls who post pictures of themselves or skinny porn.

The community info on the sub says it is supposed to be motivation to get or stay thin, and that pervy comments would be deleted. Clearly none of that is true anymore.

I've been thinking that if a lot of us started being more active and posted thinspo over there instead of here the sub could actually become what it's supposed to be. Would other people be on board with that?

Again, I'm pretty bitter lol.

Update: it seems like I have at least some support, so basically I plan to post (at least what I consider to be) real thinspo there every day or so. If other people want to join me that'd be dope. I'm also going to try and be more active commenting over there. Also downvoting creepy comments that DONT FOLLOW THEIR FUCKING SUB RULES ANYWAYS.

[Rant/Rave] I just had a decent meal, and you know what? I feel great about it.
Created: Thu Jun 1 18:43:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6er3z4/i_just_had_a_decent_meal_and_you_know_what_i_feel/

[Other] June is going to be my month.
Created: Thu Jun 1 18:10:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqxc7/june_is_going_to_be_my_month/
I'm gonna have a deficit of at least 1000 calories every day this month no matter what. My intake today is 595 and that's the lowest it's been in months. I'm sick of being squishy and bloated. I'm gonna go to the gym as often as I can and bust my ass. It's funny how something as simple as a new month gave me all this positivity and inspiration, but I'm not complaining. Wish me luck because lord knows this isn't gonna be an easy month lmao.

[Rant/Rave] Stuck in a binge
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:51:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqto3/stuck_in_a_binge/
This is awful. I cant stop binging. Its so bad I'm considering going to one of those AWFUL pro ana websites. Those always stop me.

[Rant/Rave] I caved and bought a poke bowl today.
/u/littlebirbb [5'7" | CW: ew | GW: 125 | -31]
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:34:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqq3d/i_caved_and_bought_a_poke_bowl_today/
It's one of my favorite foods but I also know it can be sooooo bad. Normally I would have gotten a large bowl with a million toppings and eaten the whole thing.

Instead, I brought home a small one, waited until those initial hunger pangs were over, ate about a third, and am now outing it in the fridge for my fiancรฉ for later.

I am learning to turn my binge foods into other things so that I don't crave them all the time and feel the need to binge on them. I maybe ate 300 calories right now instead of the 1000+ I would have had with everything else on top and sauces and blah blah blah. This was a treat. A small treat that I'm going to share with someone else who likes it, and they probably like it more than I do so I'll save them more of it.

I weighed myself this morning and hit a new LW (even without a BM in several days, woo!) but still had to get rid of this craving. I am so full. I've been eating so little that I barely eat more than a cup of anything in a sitting and I'm stuffed. This was maybe about 1/3 cup of rice, 1/3 cup fish, 1/4 seaweed salad. And some sauce. And I'm uncomfortably full now.

I'm glad I'm learning to manage this shit without therapy or any outside help. Managing things on my own term and regular, moderately strict restricting is the only way I don't feel crazy. Don't feel like shit.

I know I'm on an antidepressant that can cause "medication induced anorexia" and while I don't think I quite qualify for that, my obsession with food and the drop in binges and the majority of my weight loss happened after I started taking the meds.

Sorry, mostly just proud I didn't binge but felt like rambling. I've been brain foggy for a few days.

[Other] Boyfriend knows I'm heavily restricting and not eating and still compliments my weight loss. I don't know what to think.
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:19:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqmzr/boyfriend_knows_im_heavily_restricting_and_not/

[Rant/Rave] thank god for lactose intolerance
Created: Thu Jun 1 17:16:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqmjj/thank_god_for_lactose_intolerance/

[Discussion] DAE throw food out so it can't tempt you anymore?
Created: Thu Jun 1 16:45:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eqfqq/dae_throw_food_out_so_it_cant_tempt_you_anymore/
My mom made homemade oatmeal cookies with this amazing buttercream frosting in the middle..I knew they'd be calling my name come midnight so I took three and crumbled them up outside. I feel bad but I'd feel way worse if I gave in to my cravings...

[Other] Binge eating documentary
Created: Thu Jun 1 15:17:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6epvrq/binge_eating_documentary/

[Discussion] When do you eat your calories?
Created: Thu Jun 1 14:22:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6epi25/when_do_you_eat_your_calories/

[Discussion] I wish we had a meet and greet ed sub(sub?) reddit.
Created: Thu Jun 1 14:05:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6epdox/i_wish_we_had_a_meet_and_greet_ed_subsub_reddit/
I feel so alone. I wanna waste away with a friend. :( ugh.

[Rant/Rave] I just saw me in the past, and it broke me.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 13:09:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eozed/i_just_saw_me_in_the_past_and_it_broke_me/
I spent the morning at the pool, and there was this group of kids there who were all probably between 7 and 9. They were all really thin, normal kids, except for one younger girl who was clearly overweight, maybe obese. And they spent all 3 hours making fun of her mercilessly. Telling her she was too fat to play with them, too heavy to sit on their shoulders, too big to fit on the slide, too slow to run after them. And they were probably right, but damn. You could see this girl's self-esteem just crash and burn. She showed up at the pool ready to play with her friends. And she left looking like she wanted to die. And it took everything in me not to shout at these kids in front of their parents and stick up for this poor girl. I just went home and cried.

I was that chubby kid. 20 years later, I still can't stop thinking about the kids who treated me like these kids did that girl. And I wonder if this girl won't also wind up disordered and miserable and haunted for decades by the stupid shit her friends said without thinking about it.

[Rant/Rave] when everything else is falling apart... ED to the rescue...?
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 13:07:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eoywz/when_everything_else_is_falling_apart_ed_to_the/
I guess this is just a rant seasoned with some self-pity... just feeling really helpless, and ED is the only thing in my life I can count on.


I'm losing my dream job due to mismanagement (I play in a somewhat successful rock band, but lead singer has been developing ego problems as the band grows & demands control over aspects of the business he knows nothing about, and management panders to him because they see him as the "star" etc etc)... the more success the band sees, the more impossible & controlling he becomes (not to mention cruel), so I'm making the announcement after this weekend's shows that I will be leaving. :(

At the same time, I now have an apartment I can't really afford, in a city where I have no other friends (only moved here because it was the band's home base), and about to be starting over on a new yet-to-be-determined career path.

To make matters worse, the lead singer and I used to be involved romantically, and although that was years ago and we've both moved on, he had (until recently) still been one of my closest friends and one of the only people in my life who knew about (and accepted) my past trauma. At this point he's in such a controlling state and I have such issues with being controlled that we're barely able to interact with each other, let alone call ourselves "friends."


I can feel myself spiraling into depression already and I haven't even announced my departure or had to face the hardest changes yet.


I feel totally lost.

At times like these, my food issues become a huge source of comfort to me... Everything in my life feels like it's crumbling, but at least I can control my food and therefore be "good" at something.
I hate this and love this at the same time.

[Discussion] DAE Chew & spit?
/u/CuppyCakesLovey [5'5 | CW:97 | BMI:16.14 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 11:58:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eohu8/dae_chew_spit/
I have read a few comments here and there about someone who is also struggling with this. Figured why not make a post so if you are needing to reach out and talk about it?
Hope your Thursday is filled with good thoughts & choices xx

[Help] Will doing ~200 squats a day do anything to help me not lose muscle/become flabby?
Created: Thu Jun 1 11:07:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eo4yn/will_doing_200_squats_a_day_do_anything_to_help/
I've started doing 30 squats (unweighted) every time I go to the bathroom, which is often considering I drink a lot of water and coffee. Will this actually result in any changes since I'm also restricting?

[Discussion] Is There a Link Between Autism and Anorexia?
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 102lbs | recovery, for now | โœจ]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:57:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ennqm/is_there_a_link_between_autism_and_anorexia/

[Discussion] DAE fear you'll always look fat because of your frame?
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:54:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enn0x/dae_fear_youll_always_look_fat_because_of_your/
I do *not* have a willowy frame. I know everyone says "big boned" is a myth but it really isn't. I have wide shoulders and wide hips. I'm very hourglass shaped. I have athletic legs and gain muscle easily. Even at my thinnest, I still looked "curvy" at a 18 BMI. I'm so worried that when I get down to my goal weight of 105 I'll still look thick and chubby because I don't have a naturally thin frame, like Emma Roberts/Paris Hilton etc. Ugh.

Does anyone else feel this way? Did you feel this way, then get to your GW and realize you were wrong?

Is there hope?

[Rant/Rave] I keep gaining weight and it's so annoying
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:50:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enm34/i_keep_gaining_weight_and_its_so_annoying/

[Discussion] Calcium supplements and stomach pain?
/u/Vio1et [155cm | 46kg | 19 | f]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:15:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6endu5/calcium_supplements_and_stomach_pain/
So about an hour ago I took a calcium supplement (Nature Made 300mg Calcium + Vitamin D ) because I'm worried about bone density yadda yadda and now I've got the worst gas and bloating and my stomach huuuurts.

Like, I don't think I'm in danger or anything but it's really frickin uncomfortable.

Does this ever happen to you? What do you do to prevent it? ๐Ÿคข

[Discussion] Calorie wastes
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:05:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enbdo/calorie_wastes/
What foods/drinks do you guys consider complete wastes of calories? As in, not even tempted by them/confused as to why they even exist?

My list:

* Bananas. I don't really like them and 110 calories for a medium one seems outrageous.
* Bread with more then 60 calories a slice. I've found some basic non-diet whole wheat breads at 60 cal/slice, so I have no idea why so many other breads have to double that.
* Dairy milk - "Does a body good" my ass. Cow titty juice will not do my body good.
* Mayonnaise - Gross. 100 cal/tbsp. Why.
* Non-diet soda - Literally why
* Reduced fat peanut butter - This shit is annoying. I'm not talking about PB2, I'm talking about the "reduced fat" Jif variation and similar ones. It has the same calories but more sugar.

[Goal] Guys I want to stop purging
Created: Thu Jun 1 09:05:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6enbd0/guys_i_want_to_stop_purging/
I'm so tired of yellow teeth. I'm so used to purging though but I'd rather learn to restrict and go down that path than to keep being bulimic. Idk I'm just frustrated yet I don't wanna stop??? Why can't I just choose I hate myself

Help I'm in this gray area and I just feel like I don't have the strength or motivation in me to restrict

I'm in that all or nothing kinda mindset- extreme emotions etc๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜’

[Rant/Rave] Sick of it.
Created: Thu Jun 1 08:48:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6en7mw/sick_of_it/
WARNING: WALL OF TEXT. Feel free to ignore.

I went shopping with my mom today and she and the cashier girl are friends. I haven't seen the cashier girl in a while so I'm very different and considerably lighter. She didn't even realise it was me.

After I grabbed something from the back of the shop and went to pay, I found my mom and this girl talking about my fucking weight. My mom was telling her how grossly skinny I've gotten, how sometimes I faint from under eating, how I starve myself and how I have a very distorted body image.

The cashier examined me like I was a frigging guinea pig, scrutinised me up and down and went on discussing my body with my mom. She asked me how I weigh, and she was floored and said I'm underweight (which is not true). This girl is 5"3 and said a doctor told her she'll be underweight if she gets below 65kg, for fuck sake, so it's clear how skewed her views are. Fatlogic anyone?

She told me I shouldn't lose anymore weight because I'll lose a "womanly figure" and get "all ugly and bony". Like, nice to know you'll think I'm ugly, bitch. Is it so hard to understand that I DON'T want a womanly body with T&A? I want to be small and pixie like and androgynous.

I felt SO victimised and targeted and invaded and out of control and mocked, and I was about to start crying my eyes out in the shop.

Tldr: I'm so, so, so tired of fatlogic, people commenting on my body and people assuming I want a "womanly figure".

[Discussion] What works better?
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Thu Jun 1 08:44:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6en6r4/what_works_better/
I've noticed I'm much better at not eating when I'm nice to myself about it. When I eat a little when I'm hungry or reassure myself I'll eat later if that makes sense? Rather than when I go in with the "you'll starve yourself b/c you're a pos" mentality.

What mentality works better for you? (being kind to yourself vs hating yourself)

[Meme/Humor] On the back of Bronk-Aid (aka they know, fam)
Created: Thu Jun 1 08:37:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6en56q/on_the_back_of_bronkaid_aka_they_know_fam/

[Other] Instead of restricting and working out, I should just get the stomach flu once a week
/u/thinnmints [4'11 | 157 | -15 | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 06:29:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6emf08/instead_of_restricting_and_working_out_i_should/

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 01, 2017
Created: Thu Jun 1 06:11:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6embwz/daily_food_diary_june_01_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for June 01, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 01, 2017
Created: Thu Jun 1 06:11:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6embrk/weekly_emotional_support_june_01_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Rant/Rave] Stupid dinner plans and just feeling crappy
/u/avocadoshell [5'4" | CW 121 | BMI 20.8| GW 110 |27 F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 05:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6em71s/stupid_dinner_plans_and_just_feeling_crappy/
On mobile, can't flair blah blah

I just need to get this off my chest and this is a good place to do it!

Yesterday I planned this wonderful dinner with my boyfriend. We were going to grill shish kabob and make beans and cheddar biscuits, and baked apples for dessert. I planned ahead and ate just a banana and a mini spring roll for lunch so I could really enjoy dinner and not worry about all the calories. I was looking forward to it all day.

After work (at the grocery store), I spent lots of time picking out good veggies, and went home and prepped everything. Oh no- I forgot skewers! So I ran to CVS and they were sold out. Dollar store- sold out. Finally found them at a grocery store (where I work and already spent 9 hours at today).

After we made the food and I even lit a candle to ~set the mood~ neither of us had any appetite and ate like 3 bites. My bf is on a new medication that's decreasing his appetite and causing nausea, and I just felt like shit in general.

THEN on top of that my work forgot to pay me for a whole day. After bills I have $46 for the week (as opposed to $150 if the payroll woman could do her fucking job).

Sorry for whining but it just sucks.

[Discussion] Anyone else do this
Created: Thu Jun 1 01:17:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6el66k/anyone_else_do_this/
So the other day I applied some lip balm, that obviously had sugar as one of the primary ingredients, and I legit started drooling you guys! Wtf is wrong with me???? Then the lip balm was all slippy from my watery ass mouth and it didn't even go on right haha (kill me).

Why do I have to be so pathetic. I am seriously a fat POS whose life revolves around what I'll be eating. Anywho, does anybody else drool at the thought/smell/sight of food(or sugar in my case) like that?

Also I'm on mobile, so sorry for no flair. I guess this would be rant?

[Help] I've Hit Rock Bottom
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:58:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6el3k4/ive_hit_rock_bottom/

[Discussion] Her name is Elouise
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:56:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6el39p/her_name_is_elouise/
DAE call their disorder by a name other than the typical Ana or Mia, etc? Like have you given it a proper name when referring to it? To me, my disorder has been with me long enough that I feel comfort when it's at it's peak. I feel so proud like she's holding my hand cheering me on. I guess it's sorta strange to name your mental illness, but I was just curious.

[Goal] June Goals
/u/IWillNotHealYou [5'10" | โ˜ฃ๏ธ | -85 lb | F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:27:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekz3u/june_goals/
This is the third month in a row I've done this, but it really helps me feel prepared and in control. Not all of my goals are ED related, and I enjoy going back and seeing what I accomplished last month.

[Rant/Rave] Spicy food binge+ purging = oh dear god everything burns.
/u/caffeinecunt [5'3|A literal fucking whale| F]
Created: Thu Jun 1 00:22:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eky6o/spicy_food_binge_purging_oh_dear_god_everything/
Old poster on a new account.

Dear God why did I do this. Ate a bowl of spicy ramen noodles and a tub of spinach salad as a binge. Went to go purge it up. Everything was going fine.

And then I snorted or coughed or SOMETHING mid purge and my sinuses we're flooded with the pain of the spice in the ramen. I can still feel it in my nose, but for a hot minute there my throat, nose, eyes, and ears were on fire and I couldn't breathe or see. I've purged spicy stuff before and this has never, ever, ever happened. And what's even worse is that I didn't even finish, but I'm too freaked out now to go back and get the rest because I don't want to deal with having my entire face on fire again.

[Help] carbs are driving me to the brink of insanity
Created: Wed May 31 23:37:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekroz/carbs_are_driving_me_to_the_brink_of_insanity/

[Discussion] DAE feel strangely empowered by their ED it's resulted in positive personal development? [discussion]
/u/spaceeeeeeeeecadet [158cm | cw 52 | 21.54 | ugw 40 | 22F]
Created: Wed May 31 23:30:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekqny/dae_feel_strangely_empowered_by_their_ed_its/
Something very odd just happened an hour ago that I am trying to process. I don't quite know what to think of it, so I am hoping other might chime in too and share their thoughts and experiences. (Heads up! Long post, possibly rambley โ€“ please flair as discussion!)

There are a million reasons why I have a dysfunctional relationship with my weight and food. Beyond being chubby growing up and raised by a narcissist mother who constantly undermined my self esteem, my ED is a compulsion driven by my fear of being mediocre instilled in me from childhood. The thing is I know I look fine. I know I am attractive with a hell of a personality and brain. But the fact that I can lose weight based on sheer will power makes me feel closer to the woman I see myself as. I want to prove to myself I am a capable woman who accomplishes anything I desire, someone who created themselves to be exceptional through willpower and discipline. The sense of empowerment I get from my ED comes from my compulsion to be anything BUT average. I don't want to be "fine". I want to metamorphose into the person I have decided to be. I want to live my fullest potential. I am attached to the number on the scale for what it represents: proof to myself that I can manipulate this silly arbitrary number simply because I decided to. I have an inherent need to prove to myself that I am capable of following through on SOMETHING because so much of my life feels so out of my grasp. Thinness is a personal reminder that I am one step closer, one step more capable.

So where am I going with this? I have always been terrible setting personal boundaries and putting my self-worth before others (see: r/raisedbynarcissists). Like any good story, there is a romantic interest.

So here's the thing, I really like this guy. I like this guy in a way that I have not liked someone before. I am attracted to someone's character over physical attraction ANY day. The more I get to know him, this goes beyond physical attraction. I am absolutely smitten by the kind of person he is.

Cue the existential ED-fueled metamorphosis of my womanhood...
Old me, pre-ED aware me, would cling to hope of this man's returned affections. Except that didn't happen today. Since being aware of my ED and integrating it into my life in the least harmful way, goddamn I feel empowered. In fact I feel so empowered I stopped everything whilst we were in the throes of passionate love making and I was honest about how I felt. It was terrifying, but I did it. I did it because ED-brain says I'm a badass bitch and dick is a renewable resource cause the D ain't nothin but a vitamin.

"I FEEL LIKE A HUMAN DILDO", I exclaimed. Sure, not the most graceful or eloquent, but it was honest and humorous enough to break the ice for what I was going to say next.

I proceeded to be extremely blunt about my personal boundaries,
"The reason why I got weird is because I get nervous when I feel myself getting attached to someone. If I'm being completely honest, I like you, but I don't like feeling like a human dildo. I just need you to be honest with me, because I need to know whether we're on the same page moving forward."

Like any male, willing to distract from any obstacles to acquiring sex, he tried to skirt the issue and humorously beat around the bush. I ignored this and I told him to think about what I said and sleep on it. Honesty is all I am asking for. And so, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and I left.

I have never in my life been able to do this before. EVER. I am so proud of myself. Setting personal boundaries is a gigantic demon that has haunted me forever.

I guess I'm sharing this because I am wondering if anyone else can relate? Does anyone else experience positive/healthy effects in personal development that is strangely enhanced by the habits/psychology of their ED?

P.S. Before finding this community, I would have never thought I had an ED. The outpouring of honesty and genuine support here fills my heart with hope that people can and want to be genuinely good human beings to one another. Since being honest with myself about having an ED, I have never felt more liberated and I have never been more patient or compassionate with myself. Thank you all for being such kind and beautiful souls!

[Discussion] Question: What's everyone's Diet like? Vegetarian Etc
/u/Onthedownlowplz [5'8|cw51.4kg|bmi16.4|M19]
Created: Wed May 31 23:23:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekpcr/question_whats_everyones_diet_like_vegetarian_etc/
I was just curious how many people eat what? Personally I'm a vegetarian but am actively trying to avoid animal products (Milk etc)

[Discussion] Comorbidity question/discussion?
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 31 23:22:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekpbl/comorbidity_questiondiscussion/
Not sure if this is allowed, if not I'm sorry.

I'm just sitting here having a breakdown and falling back into some weird depersonalization/dissociation shit and it made me think about how EDs are mental illnesses that usually coincide with other struggles. How many of you are well adjusted other than your ED? If you aren't, then what else do you all battle? Are you feeling ok right now or do you want/need to vent a little bit?

[Discussion] Oreo O's are coming back. R.I.P. my self-control. (On the bright side, a cup is only 120 calories...)
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Wed May 31 23:09:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekna1/oreo_os_are_coming_back_rip_my_selfcontrol_on_the/

[Rant/Rave] Eating literally makes my skin crawl
/u/Ocerotten [5'7 | CW 103lbs | BMI 15.7 | M]
Created: Wed May 31 23:02:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eklzh/eating_literally_makes_my_skin_crawl/
I just hate it. I hate eating, seeing other people eating, the sounds, the feeling of being full, I hate the entire concept. It makes me feel guilty and greedy and overall disgusting. I had two pots of tea over the course of today but then I had almost an entire bag of chips (one bag being two servings) in one sitting and I've been feeling horrible about it all day. Like, I had to give these chips away to someone else because I felt so gross. I'd never judge another person for how much/often they eat, it's only shameful when it's me.

I don't even care about gaining weight, or about nutritional value/calories at all. If you were to put a tablespoon of food that added up to 10,000 calories and a plate full of food that was 0, I would still take the calories any day.
I feel SO ridiculous for being this hung up about what ought to be a normal every day thing, but that's just how it is.

[Meme/Humor] My aunt bought this for me to do my food diaries and weight charts in. It may be the best gift I've ever gotten.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Wed May 31 22:25:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ekfpw/my_aunt_bought_this_for_me_to_do_my_food_diaries/

[Rant/Rave] Mom making comments about weight
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Wed May 31 21:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ek5o9/mom_making_comments_about_weight/
Today my mom commented "you're looking too skinny again.." and it literally made me SO happy! She used to say that to me all the time back when I was really skinny, so that's proof that I'm on the right track again!
Hah sorry, just wanted to rave about it c:

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend Keeps Calling Me 'Thicc' and Squeezing My Thighs/Stomach [Rant]
Created: Wed May 31 21:08:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ek20d/boyfriend_keeps_calling_me_thicc_and_squeezing_my/

[Rant/Rave] noooooooooooo!!! ๐Ÿ˜ญ
Created: Wed May 31 20:49:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejycr/noooooooooooo/
So I opened up a 2L bottle of what I thought was diet Dr Pepper, and about halfway through it (I drink soooo much diet soda that it takes no time to down a huge bottle) I got paranoid and double checked the label and lo and behold it was not. I just chugged like 500 calories of pure sugar. I had been doing so well today too! fml just harpoon me now ๐Ÿ‹

Links to "hardcore" sites?
Created: Wed May 31 19:53:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejnig/links_to_hardcore_sites/

[Intro] (Intro) Hello lovelies!
/u/youcanfadeaway [5ยด7 | CW 155 ? | GW1 140 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 19:28:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejinq/intro_hello_lovelies/

[Rant/Rave] My friend got angry at me
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 126.6 | 18.7 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 18:53:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejbyq/my_friend_got_angry_at_me/
Yesterday morning my friend got *herself* angry at me over something stupid. (I'd explain but it's kinda long)

So later during lunch at school she got me edamame (it was literally over a cup of it) with her lunch thinking it would magically fix everything since she knows I like vegetables (Except foods like edamame because of the calorie count...) I said that I couldn't eat it (Plus I had cucumber slices so I was fine) and that she could have it. She got all angry all of a sudden and went "Well, SORRY I thought of you!" and started yelling at me... She ended up throwing it in the trash saying "Well I guess I wasted my money on you then!"

...Why am I even still friends with her. She knows about my ED but doesn't really understand it at all

[Rant/Rave] I did it... I guess?
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 143 | -22 | HW: 172 | GW: 125 | 20F]
Created: Wed May 31 18:49:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ejb5f/i_did_it_i_guess/
I lost twelve more lbs and am now FINALLY a size small, but everything still sucks. I dunno why I thought anything would change. I'm still broke, still depressed, still _feel_ ugly. I still feel like shit. Objectively I know I look better but it just won't resonate with me for some reason. l I feel like I should eat something to celebrate but I've maxed out my credit card (probably a good thing anyway otherwise I'd be bingeing by now).

Yay for fasting and restriction and emptiness, I guess. Why am I so bitter and angry???????????????

[Other] Holy Anorexia?
/u/mild-rose [5'11 | 122 |17.50 |not enough | f]
Created: Wed May 31 18:45:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eja93/holy_anorexia/
Okay so sometimes I get obsessed with looking up the history of things, and while I was looking up Eating Disorders I stumbled upon [anorexia mirabilis ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorexia_mirabilis)

I'm going to the library tomorrow to get two books about the history of ED's ๐Ÿ‘€

[Discussion] What exercise do you guys do? [Discussion]
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 193lb | 23.9 | -57lb | F]
Created: Wed May 31 18:26:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ej6i3/what_exercise_do_you_guys_do_discussion/
Looking to add some exercise into my routine, so that I hopefully maintain my muscle or get even stronger! I was hoping you guys would share your routines with me. Thank you. ๐Ÿ’–
(Hopefully this isn't against the rules, I apologize if it is!)

[Discussion] How often do y'all poop
Created: Wed May 31 18:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ej1dy/how_often_do_yall_poop/
Honestly this is just curiosity

[Rant/Rave] I want to starve myself to death
Created: Wed May 31 17:23:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eitta/i_want_to_starve_myself_to_death/
My family is horrible. It's always "its all you're fault" "You're a fat bitch" "I hope you die" "I'm gonna go to jail because of you"
Well you know what?
Fine. Go to jail. Maybe you should considering you're gonna cause my death and possibly my sister having anorexia when she grows up due to you calling her a "Fat bitch" rather than explaining why the things she eats is unhealthy.
Fuck everything. I want to die. I'll starve until I fucking turn into dust.

[Discussion] has anyone successfully stopped counting calories?
Created: Wed May 31 17:03:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eiphv/has_anyone_successfully_stopped_counting_calories/

[Rant/Rave] Went to the therapist today.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Wed May 31 16:50:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eimrf/went_to_the_therapist_today/
I almost had a panic attack beforehand. When she said "What do you want to talk about today?" I said "My sister thinks I have an eating disorder. I think I do." And then suddenly I was choking and crying, the kind of big ugly sobbing that hurts your chest. And I told her everything. And I mean *everything* - The mean pictures I have saved on my phone. My horrible thoughts towards myself. Restricting to 300 calories a day. Skipping meals. Pretending like I ate more than I did. How I want to cut myself open and take my fat out. Once I started talking I couldn't stop.
You guys. I feel lighter than I have in months. She asked a few questions but mostly just listened and it was such a relief. I have another appointment in a couple of weeks. She wants me to "legitimately try" to eat 1200 calories every day. I feel like maybe I can do that. I just feel so... unburdened right now. I wanted to share it with you guys.

[Discussion] What's your streak on MFP or LoseIt?
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Wed May 31 15:08:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehzrr/whats_your_streak_on_mfp_or_loseit/
I'm at 128 days. If I lost it I might actually cry.

[Discussion] Is your ED a secret?
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Wed May 31 14:50:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehvpc/is_your_ed_a_secret/
None of my family or friends know, my GP (doctor) didn't take it seriously when I told them a few months ago.

I feel like eventually it will go away naturally, I'll learn how to deal with food cravings, instead of just chewing and spitting. Once I move out, If I don't buy anything I will regret eating, I will save money too.

[Rant/Rave] Another win, another moment of mental conflict
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 14:09:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehlqa/another_win_another_moment_of_mental_conflict/
My dietician was so proud of my ability to be flexible while away this weekend that she's ready to start spacing out our appointments to every other week. She asked how I felt about it and I feigned excitement for the right reasons, when really it's for all the wrong reasons.

I'm lying like crazy when my entire team was on top of me for that. Last appointment she's concerned over weight loss, and thanks to my water hungry ovaries that's not as much of a concern. I mean, I don't really know what to say to her sometimes so that's a plus. There's also that level of guilt of getting that praise after restricting all morning and lying about it.

Also: she's the only provider my damn insurance covers so I don't even save money. Oh life is funny. At least I save an hour of awkward conversation every other week.

[Thinspo] Paris Hilton
Created: Wed May 31 14:03:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ehk73/paris_hilton/

[Rant/Rave] The ciiiiiiircle of lax
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3"|CW 110|19.5|F]
Created: Wed May 31 12:44:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eh0ld/the_ciiiiiiircle_of_lax/
1. Lax your poos away

2. Decide to stop taking lax (BONUS! Mom comes to visit and watches you eat your dinners)

3. Can't poop for several days

4. Chug water and eat 2-3 90 cal Fiber One bars a day along with spinach/spring mix salads

5. Suffer a few more days of constipation

6. Cave in and buy lax

7. Repeat

FSU Research Study
Created: Wed May 31 12:34:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egy30/fsu_research_study/

[Help] Cedar Point Panic
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Wed May 31 12:24:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egvt6/cedar_point_panic/
Calling out to all you midwesterners out there. I'm going to Cedar Point this weekend with the Bf and they have a strict "no outside food" policy unless you have some severe dietary restrictions. They can accomodate most allergies and both veggie and vegan needs at restaurants in the park, so that's a no go.

So far I can only find the nutrition facts for two restaurants (DQ and Johnny rockets) and am freaking out. I can't eat anything at Johnny Rockets, and while I could handle DQ (grilled chicken salad for 150 cal and 23g protein is a great option!) I run the risk of not being near that restaurant when they want to eat and feel lile I should have more than one thing I can eat.

I've never been to Cedar Point before and could really use advice from people who have.

Please help!

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] back "home" and hating life
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Wed May 31 11:42:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eglii/rantrave_back_home_and_hating_life/
After spending a month in the lovely sunny Gulf I am now back in the UK (which has been my temporary home for 2 years while I finish my masters). There are many nice things about the UK but a lot of my experience has been tainted by the particular people I'm surrounded by, a lack of enthusiasm for my course etc etc etc. So, disclaimer: I don't hate the UK as a whole but my unique experience of it has made me super depressed.

Walking into my house, smelling the stuffy smell of my local co-op just makes my heart sink. It's summer but the people at my university remain cold and uptight. In the Gulf everyone and everything is warm. The POINT being that because my mental state is relaxed and sunny there I found it so easy to restrict. The second my mindset changes it becomes so hard. I was eating 600 cals like it ain't no thang and now I'm back to 1000 and miserable and feeling like I'm losing grip. I just want to go back to my for real home where my for real friends and boyfriend are. It has been so long being away and all I've done is isolate myself and gain an inordinate amount of weight. There is almost nothing positive to take from the experience. I left when I was 24 and I'm now 26 and it kills me to think I spent two years of the best period of my life being somewhere and doing something which made my stomach turn. Everything about the familiarity of this university makes me want to cry.

I just want to go home :(

[Help] Eggless muffin recipe?
/u/toadally-grody [174.5cm / 47.3 / 15.2 / maintaining / F]
Created: Wed May 31 11:39:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egkk5/eggless_muffin_recipe/
I feel like baking but it has to be low-cal (obvs)

[Discussion] Troian Bellisario stars in new film 'Feed' is she wrote based on her eating disorder... thoughts?
Created: Wed May 31 11:38:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6egkfe/troian_bellisario_stars_in_new_film_feed_is_she/

[Rant/Rave] No Control Of The Kitchen
/u/antkings [21.1 | M | -79 | GW 105]
Created: Wed May 31 10:29:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eg3ea/no_control_of_the_kitchen/
I was homeless for a whiles after having a mental breakdown where I quit my job and moved out of my apartment and threw everything I owned in the trash. I wandered around the US for about a month before wanting to try to be mentally stable and coming home and admitting myself to a mental hospital. There, they force fed me to gain ten pounds, and when I got out, my mom took me in. Now, I'm sleeping on her couch. She has a tiny apartment where the living room where I'm sleeping is literally attached to the kitchen. I'm constantly surrounded by food---- and the worst thing is, my mom stocks it with all junk food. She knows I'm a vegan and a healthy eater so she started buying fruits and veggies.... But she still has massive amounts of chips, bagels, ice cream, cookies, bread, peanut butter, popcorn, juice, frozen pizzas, onion rings... Everything a person could want to binge on. Just in the two weeks I've been there I've gained 10 lbs. I've binged hard every night!!! I'm also constantly surrounded by people, I don't have my own space, I feel totally out of control of my life and APATHETIC about it. I feel like I hardly even care if I get fat at this point , because I have no control, no motivation, and I already look like shit. My mom and her boyfriend and my sister are all fat (I love them, my mom and my sister are both extremely beautiful with their weight) and eat a lot so it makes me feel like why the hell can't I eat as much as I damn please too? Fuck, this is hard. How do I control myself if I don't have control of the damn kitchen? I can't eat like a normal person. It's either restriction or binge. I'd rather starve than look like this.

[Discussion] DAE have "eating disorder dreams"?
Created: Wed May 31 10:17:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eg0h8/dae_have_eating_disorder_dreams/

[Discussion] Solidarity?
/u/antkings [21.1 | M | -79 | GW 105]
Created: Wed May 31 10:10:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efyvh/solidarity/
Has anyone else here gotten within a hair of their goal weight before binging forever? I was 109 for about two weeks before binging my way back to 127 :( is there a way out of this fucking cycle???? What's wrong with me???????

[Discussion] does anyone else get a weird sensation in their mouth when they're hungry/have the urge to eat?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Wed May 31 10:08:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efyff/does_anyone_else_get_a_weird_sensation_in_their/
*edit: set the flair as "discussion" but idk if that fits best lmao
i sometimes get a weird sensation in my mouth when i'm alone and really hungry (late at night) or slightly hungry and boredโ€”it verges on a tingling feeling, as if i physically need to eat. i usually ignore it or eat something small but it weirds me out since i only noticed it when i'm alone and i definitely need to exercise self-control instead of eating food when i'm not hungry. this might be related to restricting, but the almost-tingling feeling is so weird and i'm wondering if anyone else has experienced it haha!

[Rant/Rave] Life is hard y'all
Created: Wed May 31 10:07:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efy13/life_is_hard_yall/

[Rant/Rave] Finally 15
Created: Wed May 31 09:59:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efvza/finally_15/
5 months ago I planned to be at my ugw (105) by my birthday, Now five months later I weight in the 130s and am stuck in treatment. Happy fuckin birthday to me.

[Rant/Rave] stupid life things
Created: Wed May 31 09:32:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efplj/stupid_life_things/
There are days I'm more inclined toward the mindset that my bulimia is something I'll have to live with/I'm fine with it/I'm invincible/DENIAL LOL.

But there are days where I think I'm ready to cross over that other side brave souls venture into, and attempt "recovery" or whatever that means.

My bulimia has different ways of poking its head about. When a depressing/anxiety-proving/emotional stress shit goes on, bulimia is the first thing I think of (that or dying, but I digress). Bulimia is the first thing I think of so I can "punish" someone for a wrong I feel they've done to me (irrational and only hurt myself I know I know). Bulimia is what I resort to so I can feel like I'm having a "normal" day (dat control).

This feels so ingrained into my daily life/schedule. I'm scared of lots of things-changes, loss of love, loss of respect to myself, what people think of me, lots and lots of things.

But some days I think if I can finally do this thing and attempt recovery and make it out of this puke filled mess, I can become something more. Something better. Something that's not rooted in self doubt, self-hate, cruel competition, tears and fears and secrecy and lies and a false sense of euphoria, control and lots of guilt.

I'm in limbo and some days I tilt one way and the other I tilt the other it seems. I wish I can control it better-like a metronome or the balancing act of gymnasts and talented tight-ropers.

Limbo is the best word for what i'm feeling right now. And fuck it, that is a-fucking-okay.

[Discussion] DAE sabotage their food?
Created: Wed May 31 09:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efpfw/dae_sabotage_their_food/

[Rant/Rave] Instead of going to my internship, I'm "enjoying" a b/p and drinking session
/u/RandomHumanite [5'1" | 26/ F(???) ]
Created: Wed May 31 09:03:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efiq2/instead_of_going_to_my_internship_im_enjoying_a/
because fuck my impulses

Fuck ED. Fuck forgetting to take meds for 2 days. Fuck bipolar. Fuck being an alcoholic.

Fuck being a fucked up sad excuse for a human who just cant do shit and is about to squander something that's fucking great.

[Help] My trigger food is in the house, help :(
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Wed May 31 08:34:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6efcba/my_trigger_food_is_in_the_house_help/
I'm already on 600 cals for today and I'm not hungry. But I want to stuff my face with one of my trigger foods. It's chili coated peanuts, I can't have just one I NEED the whole bag when I start eating them.

The entire bag is 700 cals. I'm freaking out how can I not eat it :(

[Rant/Rave] Thought I was a binger?
Created: Wed May 31 08:11:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ef74c/thought_i_was_a_binger/

[Other] When you binge and food poisoning is like, I got you boo.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Wed May 31 07:56:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ef3r1/when_you_binge_and_food_poisoning_is_like_i_got/
Yesterday I ate like 900 cals because I had a special steak dinner with my SO from Outback that was ~600 cals for steak/broccoli/house salad with ranch. I then also had two servings of my no sugar added Breyer's Butter Pecan ice cream for 200 cals.

Aaaaaand then I got soooo sick on my stomach from what I assume was old ass ice cream (it was like in the freezer for 3 months ew but I was so desperate for something sweet last night) that I threw most of the ice cream and some of the salad (ew) up.

I'd estimate that brought my cal count down to 700 cals.

Thx food poisoning <3

[Rant/Rave] I can't weigh myself and it SUCKS
Created: Wed May 31 07:54:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ef3dv/i_cant_weigh_myself_and_it_sucks/
I recently had a medical emergency where my family found out and had to aknowledge my ed, and to sort of seem like I was recovering I told my mom to get rid of the scale. I used to weigh myself like, 10 times a day. And I haven't been able to for like a month. And Im forced to eat dinner now and I had to stop taking EC stacks so I'm hungry all the time. I feel like I've gained at least 5lbs. FUCK

[Help] Mom moved the scale
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 | 21.68 | CW: 105.4]
Created: Wed May 31 06:45:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eepjo/mom_moved_the_scale/
So I go to weigh myself in the morning and the scale is gone. A little panicked because I need to know the number. Can't eat until I find it. I have no clue where it is either, I've looked in all the usual locations for it ah


[Help] Does anyone know the quickest way to get rid of brain fog and like brain and body tiredness? Or have any tips?
/u/fuckthislol [173cm|skinny|F]
Created: Wed May 31 06:39:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeoi9/does_anyone_know_the_quickest_way_to_get_rid_of/
Basically I'm an idiot and I have the most important exams starting in a week and I NEED to to revise, and my brain is not working properly enough to comprehend what the fuck I'm reading and needing to remember and understand. I've been getting enough sleep and coffee isn't doing the job any more. This time last year I was using stims to power me through, although they didn't do the job great either tbh, but I have no access to them this year, other than caffeine pills and I donr want to start using them yet because my tolerance builds fast and I've got a month of exams ahead.

Has anyone got any ideas or know how to get the brain working ASAP? (Other than just increasing calories? ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ)

[Rant/Rave] "Guys like thick girls!"
Created: Wed May 31 06:34:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eenjl/guys_like_thick_girls/
Is what my friend said to me, the 95 pound girl who has never gotten any sort of attention from a female or male romantically. My friends are all heavier than me- but they pull it off so well and look so pretty. I am the only thin one in our group, and I tend to get body shammed quite alot for it. One of my friends specifically said "I hate skinny girls."
Thanks. Nice to know you hate me!
It's so strange. I know I'm thin but I still want to restrict? But I also want to stop restricting because now I'm self conscious about being too skinny?
This is so weird.
And messed up. I wish I had one person that thought I was pretty.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 31, 2017
Created: Wed May 31 06:11:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eejjf/daily_food_diary_may_31_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 31, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 31, 2017
Created: Wed May 31 06:10:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eejdu/way_to_go_wednesday_may_31_2017/
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 31, 2017.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Rant/Rave] What happened when I let myself eat for 3 days and how I'm freaking out and trying to handle it. Long post, advice very much welcome.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 06:07:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeita/what_happened_when_i_let_myself_eat_for_3_days/
This past holiday weekend, I took a train to London for 3 days. After a lot of back and forth, I told myself I'd let myself eat. There was some food there that sounded delicious and I knew realistically I couldn't fast those 3 days.

Guys, I went to a restaurant and ordered a burger, fries, and chocolate milkshake. I cannot explain to you how fucking amazing it tasted. I had a few donuts (Krispy Kreme is my weakness and the donuts here in France are severely lacking). Apart from that, I stuck to chicken and pineapple and other ~real~ foods.

I also wore the jeans that were too tight one month ago. And even with eating, they fit just fine. I wore them the whole time and never had that 'oh god I need to unbutton them now' feeling.

Also, I didn't poop. For those 3 days. When I travel, everything tends to stop up. Maybe it's the anxiety of worrying about finding a bathroom in a new place. I don't know. But I also quit taking laxatives last week after depending on them many years. So 3 days of food + no laxatives + no pooping AND yet my jeans still fit.

My guess why I didn't feel like a whale was the fact I walked 45+ miles this weekend. I walked all day and multiple apps clocked the same mileage.

I tried to tell myself 3 days wouldn't make a huge difference as long as I kept it at 3 days and didn't let it because 4 or 5 or so on. 45 miles plus eating should, in theory, be a wash. There is no way I overate my TDEE that much with that much walking.

However, even after pooping 104 times Monday and yesterday, I'm still 6 pounds heavier than when I left on Friday. I know it's not fat. That would be 21,000 EXTRA calories on top of what I burned. And there is no fucking way.

It was carb heavy and probably more salt than I've had in a while. I don't feel bloated, but I don't exactly feel light either. At this point, I'm just downing water like it's my job.

How long will this weight stay, damn it. I'm going on a stupid family trip in 5 weeks and that fucking scale stressed me out even more.

TL;DR: Milkshakes and donuts taste good, but not good enough to remain sane.

[Rant/Rave] I've been eating "normally"
/u/rainbowsunshinedust [5'5 | 93 | 15.66 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed May 31 06:05:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeifr/ive_been_eating_normally/
But I'm also an alcoholic. I hit 1000 and then I eat all. The. Things. Fuck my life ๐Ÿ™ƒ. Idk how much but I'm night eating again with an increased intake. I don't wanna recover and I don't want to gain my weight back but guess who has no self controooooollllll๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿท๐Ÿธ๐Ÿน๐Ÿบ๐Ÿป

[Rant/Rave] I feel fucking disgusting
/u/slipandsink [5ft5|CW:160lbs|GW:110lbs|BMI:26.98|Landwhale]
Created: Wed May 31 05:55:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eegli/i_feel_fucking_disgusting/
I'm now nearly 160lbs at 5ft 5. That's 50lbs over my goal weight, 25lbs heavier than my lowest weight which was only *1.5 years ago*. I am fucking disgusting. I try and fast and I end up breaking with a massive binge 10 hours in. I try and work out and I come home and binge. Purging makes me feel even more disgusting. I don't know how anyone can stand to look at me. I am fucking foul.

A year and a half ago I had a flat-ish stomach, I had a nice thigh gap coming along, I was starting to look acceptable. Now I look like a fucking marshmallow and nothing seems to help. I eat too much. I don't work out enough. I'm nearing my 30s and I'm losing my chance to be skinny, beautiful and pretty. I don't know what to do :(

I keep thinking "Just count your calories and macros and exercise moderately and it'll work" and it fucking doesn't. Then I think "well just fast for a few days" and it doesn't do anything. The scale just keeps going up and up and I'm terrified :(

[Rave] "You take up like, 1.5 pixel of the photo!"
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง ]
Created: Wed May 31 05:47:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eefab/you_take_up_like_15_pixel_of_the_photo/
So I'm a senior, finishing up my last year in art school.

We just had a photo taken, to 'remember' each other and such. And my graphic design and photography professor just told me: "Ah, Vanilla, you're so teeny tiny! You must take up like, 1.5 pixels or something!"





I LOVE YOU, PROFESSOR!! ( ยด โˆ€ `)ใƒŽ๏ฝž โ™ก

[Discussion] Does anyone feel like their ED was fueled by playing with Barbie dolls?
/u/laciiou [F | 5'2" | cw: 133 | gw: 115 | bmi: 24.33]
Created: Wed May 31 05:20:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eeaeo/does_anyone_feel_like_their_ed_was_fueled_by/
Growing up I always saw people slamming Barbie/similar toys for causing/triggering eating disorders and I'm wondering if anyone here relates to this? I personally don't but I'm interested in hearing people's thoughts on it.

[Goal] I thought I was slacking up on the weight loss but then I tried on these jeans I bought in March!
/u/draupert [170cm | CW 57kg | BMI 19,7 | GW 45kg | F]
Created: Wed May 31 04:16:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ee19j/i_thought_i_was_slacking_up_on_the_weight_loss/

[Help] tmrw's vice: korean fried chicken SOS
/u/nakaiyuri [5' 4.5 // cw: ใ… ใ…  // ๐Ÿ• ๐Ÿ•]
Created: Wed May 31 00:40:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ed87n/tmrws_vice_korean_fried_chicken_sos/
hi ~~~ finally made an account on here to join the discord server lol but more importantly,, i've been more or less successful in fasting / low restriction the past few days (( yay )) but i have nyc plans with a friend of mine tomorrow and she had BEGGED me to take her to eat korean chicken,,,, and idk if y'all have had that before but honestly it's one of the reasons why i'm not really tempted by chicken tenders / chicken nuggets / regular fried chicken etc lol it's that amazingggg guyssss!! anyway i already agreed-- this was before my nice fasting & low restriction streak-- so now i'm really afraid for tomorrow :(

the idea of having to order mouth-watering, marinated-to-the-heavens fried chicken while trying to maintain my calorie intake is like The Last Supper to me, but i'm not ready to have a binge day tomorrow and break my streak
T . TT

i already spent like literally two hours hunting for the menu on yelp from other people's photos & trying to figure out what to order so i have some sort of a game plan???
also really just bums cuz it's not a chain or anything so there's no nutritional menu anywhere, it's all just "educated guesses" lol

i made peace w the assumption that 100g is 267cal while i was taking a shower (i've literally been thinking about this the whole day lol) but i'm worried about not being able to discern what 100g would really 'feel like'... and then i had this thought,

"what if I brought something that weighed 100g and like tested it out in my hand secretly and then ate similar 'weighted' portions of the chicken?????" like thatโ€™s gonna work LOL but omg i can't believe i even thought that bringing along a separate object to act as a reference for 100g could be okay?????! in a public setting???!!! *or idk maybe itโ€™s not that bad bahahah*

anyway my two **most probable** options are to order the hella spicy chicken-- which might actually make my stomach forcibly succumb to how spicy it is and s t o p e a t i n g

or order the soy garlic kind and use my will power to stop at a certain point

or I mean I /could/ just not order fried chicken but like :( that's going to be a sad day lol

help help help help

a catch-22 rly cuz my willpower sucks & iโ€™ll prob keep eating through the tears from the spiciness but yeah anyway hi LOL i think all of you are v lovely and nice and if you have any words of wisdom or you wanna bond over korean chicken feel free to hmu ~~

[Rant/Rave] The Only Trick That Makes Me Conscientiously Stop Craving
Created: Wed May 31 00:40:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ed83x/the_only_trick_that_makes_me_conscientiously_stop/

[Rant/Rave] Weight fluctuations: I'm going to Mcfreaking lose it
/u/SakanaMusume [5'2 | CW: 112lb | GW: end me |F]
Created: Wed May 31 00:16:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ed4lv/weight_fluctuations_im_going_to_mcfreaking_lose_it/
On Monday I hit what I had planned as my "slow down" point (110) I would start trying to allow me eat more and keep losing but more slowly. On Tuesday 110 too, I'm so thrilled and happy I cried a few times during the day over it, but comes Wednesday? 116 freaking pounds, what the hell?

I'm honestly done with the scale, fuck it, fuck those numbers, fuck weight fluctuations and water weight and bloating!! Just fuuuuuuck youuuuu

[Rant/Rave] I hate how it's so much easier to lose weight in some areas but not the ones that I want to lose weight in :(
/u/fuckincaillou [5'6 | 130 | BMI: 21.89 | -20lb]
Created: Tue May 30 23:19:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ecvzi/i_hate_how_its_so_much_easier_to_lose_weight_in/
My chest and shoulders area has gotten much more bonier than when I first started and while I like it a lot, it's frustrating seeing little to no progress in other areas. I started so I could lose my butt and thigh fat but my body's holding onto it like it's going out of style! I see my hands(!) getting leaner and collarbones popping out way more often now, but every time I turn around and see that same bubble butt and cellulite on my thighs it makes me want to cry! Has anyone else encountered this?

[Discussion] [discussion] ED logic
Created: Tue May 30 22:42:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ecq3y/discussion_ed_logic/
I need help.

We all know about fat logic, what about Eating Disorder logic (disordered thoughts etc).
I'd like to talk about how our minds can lie to us. Because I spent too many fucking minutes debating if I should or should not eat more.

Ie: I don't need to eat today.
Those bags under my eyes aren't from restricting, I just need more sleep.
I'm tired, must mean I need more caffeine.
I had 75% of my planned intake in one meal. I really shouldn't eat any more.

[Rant/Rave] Thank god for MFP
Created: Tue May 30 21:57:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ecilk/thank_god_for_mfp/

Will eating so little cause me to plateau or ruin my metabolism?
Created: Tue May 30 19:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebs21/will_eating_so_little_cause_me_to_plateau_or_ruin/

[Help] trapped in restricting mode :(
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 97lbs | recovery, for now | โœจ]
Created: Tue May 30 19:00:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eblep/trapped_in_restricting_mode/
this is honestly the worst thing and i want to stop restricting more than anything and just eat something normal for dinner but can't even entertain the idea of eating a full meal right now.

have eaten around 150 calories so far today and i feel trapped. i'm somewhere between 94-99.6lbs based on the three scales in my house and that makes me so upset for absolutely no reason. this is the first time i feel like it's not my choice to restrict and i just don't really know what to do to get out of this rut.

[Help] DAE get super bloated/full after a normal meal?
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 112 | BMI: 17.5 | GW: 110? | WL: 25 F]
Created: Tue May 30 18:40:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebhbe/dae_get_super_bloatedfull_after_a_normal_meal/
not sure whats going on with me recently! ive been having about 600-1000 cal a day for a month or so, not that low to restrict, and now a meal size that i used to have no problem with makes me super bloated/full like all i want to do is lay down and my stomach sticks out for a while. I just had a 300 cal soup and a 100 cal biscuit, and I feel like im gonna burst. happened with a 300 cal sandwich yesterday during lunch and when I had 5 scallops and some spinach for dinner๏ผ its so annoying and uncomfortable :(

[Other] Kik?
Created: Tue May 30 18:24:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebe5b/kik/

[Other] |Rant/Other/Help| Pros/Cons to eating more
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Tue May 30 18:23:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ebdzv/rantotherhelp_proscons_to_eating_more/
Excuse this self indulgent post but I'm struggling with the idea of letting myself eat past 600 today and it's really bothering me. I feel like I'm always posting about this too, lol sorry. I make lists all of the time, especially whenever I feel conflicted so I thought a pros/cons one might help me make a decision already.


I'm sick and my body needs more nutrients and energy to heal

I'll enjoy it while I'm doing it

It would only be for today

It may bring on a whoosh

It could help me poop

It wouldn't severely affect my weekly deficit

I'm going to die someday anyway


I'll potentially feel guilty and fat afterwards

If i can't find an accurate calorie count that will stress me out further

What if I can't turn it off and I eat the pantry

I could retain water from excess sodium or carbs

Eating out is expensive and unreliable

...well....yeah, idk still. I know my dad is hungry and needs to eat so maybe if he gets something out I'll piggyback on his decision. I wish I could just eat like a normal person. This is so exhausting.

[Other] Weight loss noticed, not sure how I feel
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 17:29:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eb2qa/weight_loss_noticed_not_sure_how_i_feel/
I'm back home and I spent the weekend following a recovery meal plan. The ED is saying I binged like crazy when really I didn't. Yes, I had things like a burger, alcohol and other things that freak me out, but objectively I know I didn't go overboard. My scale is saying I gained but I'm taking that with a grain of salt. I'm about to get my period and again, with purging being something that ended up happening until the moment I left I'm sure it's water. I feel lucky that I'm able to recognize that the number isn't everything.

I just went out to coffee with a friend that I haven't seen since I left treatment a month ago. She flat out said she noticed I lost. I kept saying that I'm doing my best (and this weekend was a perfect example of me "doing recovery") and covering up the fact that 90% of the time I'm giving into the ED. I didn't think it was noticeable. It's making me paranoid that people noticed when I went back to my treatment facility last week to pick something up. I was hoping to grab and go, but naturally I got roped into conversation.

On one hand, I really want to lose weight but on the other I don't want people to notice. Because if they notice I'll have to stop. I also left treatment on a "we think you're a loss cause" note, so it makes me think I'm just proving them right. So even though the ED is having a field day with this, I'm conflicted.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to battle two sides of myself every second of every day. Nothing feels like a win, everything feels like a struggle. I just want one thing to be easy.

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else have a mother with an active eating disorder?
Created: Tue May 30 17:23:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eb1jk/does_anyone_else_have_a_mother_with_an_active/
My mom has been bulimic for 40+ years. She's 65 years old now. About 10 years ago when I was in high school I caught her purging a few times, and I would react in anger, screaming and yelling at her and/or shaming her in front of family members. One time I caught her and literally screamed to the entire house that she was purging. This was because I was knee deep in my own eating disorder and blamed her fully for my fucked up relationship with food. Anywho, I don't want to get into specific details to spare myself the pain of writing them, but my Mother is definitely still bulimic. It's tough being around someone that you know is bingeing. I confronted my dad about this once who shrugged it off and said that "she's been doing this since the day I married her." Um what? so that makes it "normal??" Anyway, IDK what to do I guess. It's years later and I'm still working through my own fucked up relationship with food. The one time I confronted her as an adult she said "I'm not bulimic, I'm 63 years old, I'm too old to have that, I don't care about looking good for anyone, etc etc."

Oh also, she spends most of her time commenting on other people's bodies. She even talks about my FOUR year old neice's "shapely" thighs and says that she is "chubby." She will point fat people out on the street or make comments about other women being fat. When I was little, she told me that eating meat makes you fat, and thus I went 15 years or so without eating any red meat whatsoever. I remember being at a restaurant when I was 9 or 10 and said I didn't want to eat my food because it was "too many calories" and would make me "fat." Can you imagine?? My family friend was shocked. My mom is 100% the reason that I have a terrible relationship with food and with my body.

So, I guess I don't really know where I'm going with this. This is more of a rant. Should I call her doctor and explain the situation? I mean, daily purging for 40 years can't really be sustainable. There have to be some adverse effects. Also, this is unfortunate proof that sometimes you won't ever recover. I'm curious if anyone else has a mother with an ED.

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] hahahaha fuck
/u/gl1tt3rv01d [5'8 | 153 | 23.2 | -68 | ftx]
Created: Tue May 30 16:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eawfn/rantrave_hahahaha_fuck/
soooo my partner and i are about to be in a situation where itll be massively too easy to restrict heavily so long as i dont pass out in public (i can carry her, not vice versa)

lets play jumprope with recovery!!! and im a fucking binge eater!! so heavy restriction looks ok!!

my emotions arent ok for this lol

but eh I'll pretend to be ok bc i know i cant afford to snap.

(signal me if you do read this i wasnt hiding this account)

[Discussion] DAE want people to notice but not try to stop you?
/u/Hyde25 [5'6'' |101.2| 16.40| F]
Created: Tue May 30 16:53:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eavbu/dae_want_people_to_notice_but_not_try_to_stop_you/
I went to see a psychiatrist for the first time in a few years (for non-ED reasons). Before the appointment I was weighed and I kind of wanted her to say something about my weight. Just acknowledge that its low but at the same time I don't want her to try to make me recover. I told her I restrict, and that I'm losing weight and she didn't seem to care. She wasn't bothered by my weight at all because she said I have a "slight/slim" body type.

I'm just so conflicted. I wanted her to notice and not notice, but knowing she thinks my weight is fine just makes me want to lose weight that much more.

[Rant/Rave] I think I'm broken. [Rant]
/u/poisonandvenom [5'7" | 145 | 22.8 | F |]
Created: Tue May 30 16:30:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eaq90/i_think_im_broken_rant/
I've been binging for the past two weeks straight. Not just refraining from restriction - full-on, disgusting, eating-sugar-from-the-bag binging. 5000 calories a day binging. I can't stop. I don't know how. I've put on 3kg. I can feel my fat everywhere, when I sit down, when I walk. My friends have told me I'm letting myself go. When I go out to nightclubs people actively avoid me. People stare.

My exams are next week. Two weeks after that is prom. A week after that, I'm going on vacation. And I'm fatter now than I ever was. And I don't know how to get back to eating normally. I try to just eat maintenance, just eat 1500, 2000 - no, I'm just hungry all the time. I just want to consume. Endlessly.

I don't know what to do. Everything hurts. I just want to go back to restricting and being happy. I just want to lose all of this weight and be halfway thin again. I don't want my prom photos to be of a fat pig. I don't want to go on vacation and be that fat, pale foreigner with the crooked teeth. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, and I don't know how to stop.


[Other] A documentary not starring teenagers
Created: Tue May 30 15:50:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eahgs/a_documentary_not_starring_teenagers/

A documentary not starring teenagers
Created: Tue May 30 15:48:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eah8k/a_documentary_not_starring_teenagers/

[Other] documentary not starting teenagers
Created: Tue May 30 15:48:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eah1w/documentary_not_starting_teenagers/

[Intro] hello pals
/u/foxlatte [5'9" | cw: 185.2 | bmi: 26.9 | gw: 130 | 21f]
Created: Tue May 30 15:26:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eabx4/hello_pals/
i'm not new here but i did make a new handle, i was puddleclub

basically i have ednos and recently relapsed 3 weeks ago so lol welcome back @ myself

i'm also on the discord chat, same handle~

[Other] tfw you're diabetic
/u/archerofdawn [154cm | SW 164 | CW 139 | GW 88 | -25 | NB]
Created: Tue May 30 15:20:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6eaan8/tfw_youre_diabetic/
but it's decently-controlled and you're tempted to go off your meds and eat like shit so that your blood sugar gets high enough for you to start losing weight again

I mean never mind that it'll actually melt my body from the inside out and I'd lose my eyes and hands and feet eventually and I would literally damn myself from doing the things I love, right? #justEDthings

[Rant/Rave] my girlfriend doesn't seem to think i have a problem
/u/anorexic666 [5'4 | CW: 86 | LW: 83 | UGW: 80]
Created: Tue May 30 14:41:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ea1rx/my_girlfriend_doesnt_seem_to_think_i_have_a/
i've been dating my girlfriend for a month now, and she's great and we connect on so many levels. but, despite knowing about my ED "past" - i was inpatient december through january, and since we were super close friends at the time, i told her how i'm anorexic and was purging. she didn't seem to know what to say at all. after a few weeks, when i was venting about still being there, she asked if i even needed to be there at all to begin with.

she's bigger and curvier and i think she looks amazing. she says she loves my body, too. she knows i'm very underweight but doesn't really seem to mind aside from offhand comments about how i'm really skinny and could afford to gain a little. i've never eaten in front of her even at obvious meal times, but it doesn't seem to concern her much.

i know she just doesn't understand and doesn't mean anything by this, but it still really hurts for some reason. it makes me feel not sick enough, which i know is stupid, but still. i'm still hung up on her asking if i even needed to be inpatient; that's even stupider but it hurt so much.

i've never even gotten asked or accused by anyone about having an eating disorder. i feel like no one in the world notices except my family. the fact that she doesn't seem to pick up on the fact that i ever had a problem just really makes me feel invalid and inadequate.

[Rant/Rave] WTF, scale?
Created: Tue May 30 14:41:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ea1pe/wtf_scale/
So I have been restricting to 250-600 calories a day for over four weeks now, maybe closer to 5, with only two 1000 cal day slip ups, and my scale has. Not. Budged! I'm so frustrated, because I can see in my daily body check photos that I'm visibly a bit smaller, and I'm not working out so I can't say it's muscle or anything like that. I feel like I'm depriving myself for no reason, but I know if I eat I'll get bigger. I just don't understand why not eating isn't making me smaller!

[Discussion] Different reasons for ED?
Created: Tue May 30 14:14:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9viu/different_reasons_for_ed/
(Cant flair, mobile.)
Alot of reasons are fairly similar,although I don't know much about binge eating disorder. But I'd like to know if anyone out there has an eating disorder for an uncommon reason? That way both you and I feel less alone- because eating disorders happen no matter the reason.
I have a severe amount of depression and my hard headed parents dont help with it. I never get any help because of them- it's always "My problems are worse, you dont need the help."
So, in my weird little mind, if I starve myself enough, I'll eventually get help. Maybe someone will notice, I'll pass out and end up in a hospital. Somewhere where I can get out. I of course, hate my body image as well, but my thoughts tend to change alot. I either think I'm too fat or I'm too skinny. I have come to the conclusion that I just really hate my appearance.
So, those are my reasons. I'm an attention seeker and a self loather. So if you do this for any other uncommon reason, you arent alone. Promise. Everyone has different reasons, but that doesnt make you less valid than anyone else here.

[Discussion] My fitness pal and Fitbit burned calories accuracy?
Created: Tue May 30 13:58:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9rw4/my_fitness_pal_and_fitbit_burned_calories_accuracy/
Hi guys! So I've had my Fitbit linked to MFP for a couple months now. There is always a vast disparity between how many calories my Fitbit says I burned and MFP says I burned.

Take yesterday for example. I walked 11,063 steps, and my Fitbit says that's a whopping 2,523 calories burned. My steps are imported to MFP and the calories burned is always adjusted, this time to 482.

I always go with MFP's numbers to be safe, but I'm just curious if this happens with anyone else??? It seems bizarre

[Intro] hello hello darkness my old friend...
/u/LazyFawn [18f ๐ŸŒป gbmi 17.5 ๐ŸŒป]
Created: Tue May 30 13:38:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9n5o/hello_hello_darkness_my_old_friend/
i'm back! Fat as ever, but working on it. turns out i was constantly binging because of depression, so lol @me being 2.2 kg from my gw

don't actually know what i weigh right now - my parents took away the scale a couple of months ago, but i know it's in the garage somewhere...

i'd estimate i'm 58 kg, i almost have my thigh gap back (which i first got around 54), but also i have bellyfat and my arms are big, and those are places i didn't have much weight in before, even when i was 65 kg. also got huge boobs now, was a blessing at first, now i hate it

anyway, i've been intermittently fasting / only eating dinner for a week now, and i'm pretty sure it's safe to say that i'm back in. parents can't know though, so i'll stick with this. makes it easier to keep at too, with the depression and all

as so many other lovely people on here i struggle a lot with self hate and body dysmorphia. otherwise i've got the diagnosed depression (ED is symptom of it, thx doctors) and a bad heart

anyway, i want to do more than just lurking ~~+ i never got to make an intro post when i first started~~

also considering joining the discord, is it active? how do you guys like it?

[Rant/Rave] I binged like a madwoman all weekend and then got on the scale
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Tue May 30 13:21:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9jfa/i_binged_like_a_madwoman_all_weekend_and_then_got/
So, I've been having problems with extreme hunger, and I decided to just let myself eat basically as much as I wanted to for a good 3 or 4 days because I've been caught in a restrict/binge cycle for months. So I stopped calorie counting and just let myself eat as much as I wanted, whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate until my stomach hurt and kept eating past that. I kept a rough running total in my head, and mathematically I should have gained a good 3 lbs at least.

I mean, it was gross. I shoved so much shit down my throat that I really don't know how my body accepted it all. Fries. Cereal. Pints upon pints of Halo Top and Enlightened. A burger on brioche French toast topped with an egg, pancake-coated bacon, and strawberry sauce. Chili. Spaghetti. A 1200 calorie bag of rye chips. Cake. Alcohol. The indulgence factor was off the fucking charts. I just went nuts.

After a few days I felt like I couldn't do that anymore, so I went back to calorie counting yesterday. Originally I was going to wait a week of eating more normally before weighing myself because I didn't want to freak out and hurt myself or something. But curiosity got the better of me, so I weighed myself last night to assess the damage, especially with my "aging" 30 year old metabolism.

...I fucking lost a pound. WHAT.

Now, to be fair, it's probable that I was holding onto some period bloat weight and have replaced all but a pound of it with fat, but still, I was utterly floored. I obsess endlessly over differences of one or two calories, and then I spent days indiscriminately shoving endless food down my throat only to have the scale imply that it *didn't make any fucking difference*.

Even considering the period bloat possibility and knowing how CICO works, it still made me shake my head and think about just how pointless this is. How much I worry over things that don't matter. I'm wasting so much cognitive and emotional energy on inconsequential minutiae. I wonder how much I'd have accomplished these past 11 months if I had been free from this illness.

PS- I posted a couple weeks ago that some moron mis-entered my height in my medical chart. I had a nurse fix it today. So I'm all good on that front, other than him probably thinking (knowing?) I'm a total nutcase for being so worked up about it. ๐Ÿ˜‚

[Rant/Rave] Today is my scheduled binge day!!!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Tue May 30 12:28:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9746/today_is_my_scheduled_binge_day/
Hi everyone!!! Sorry I didn't tag, this is a .. rant I guess?


Normally I'm happy to indulge in my monthly binge day because I feel I've earned it. This month though, I'm have mixed feelings. Normally I work out like a fiend, but I recently pulled my groin muscle and have had to back off significantly. No more 6 mile runs, no yoga, and half my lifting days are a big fat no no. I've been walking but it's not the same. It really irritates my Ortho and makes me itchy inside.


I'm doing my best to nurse my poor muscles and enjoy my binge today even though I didn't earn it like I normally do. I've also been mildly anemic lately, so that's something I'm going to have to figure out too.


I've already had a doughnut for breakfast and it was magical as I don't allow processes sugar in my normal diet at all. I'm also getting a (processed) vegan burger and fries at a restaurant tonight! So that's another thing I normally don't allow myself to eat either.


Honestly I just hope I can keep it together and actually eat the meal. Guilt and anxiety will be a givin as I didn't earn it, but I have so many coping mechanisms and ways of pretending to eat, but discreetly hiding food, that it's almost automatic at this point.


I'm leaving my big coat (big pockets), and signature scarf (to hide my hands and drape over my purse) at home and instead of taking a big purse with me I'll only be taking a pretty cluth that I never use because it's to small to hide food in.


Wish me luck tonight!!

[Rant/Rave] Going to the doctor after a binge
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" | CW: ๐Ÿณ | GW1: 100 | UGW: 79 | 26F]
Created: Tue May 30 12:19:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e9522/going_to_the_doctor_after_a_binge/
... and seeing all the other anorexics who are all so much smaller than me and definitely didn't just b/p 10,000 cals of Korean food. Fuck, man. Why do I even go to this doctor?

[Discussion] DAE don't believe that anyone could be attracted to them?
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Tue May 30 11:54:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8z4b/dae_dont_believe_that_anyone_could_be_attracted/
And that if they are attracted to you, they definitely won't be, when you take your shirt off?

I'm totally faux hot lol

[Rant/Rave] I'm having weird feelings after feeling good about my body this weekend.
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Tue May 30 11:22:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8rcm/im_having_weird_feelings_after_feeling_good_about/
And it's making me feel totally nuts.

This weekend, I went to a pool party. This meant wearing a bathing suit.

Wearing a bathing suit for the first time since losing thirty pounds, wearing a bathing suit around my boyfriend's friends (one of which I used to sleep with woo), wearing a bathing suit around their girlfriends. You know, stuff that can trigger fuck-what-does-my-body-look-like-right-now-and-does-it-look-better-or-worse-than-that-person's-body feelings.

And you know what? I looked good. I felt good. I saw reflections of myself and liked what I saw. I had a good time at the party and was secretly pleased at being the hot one.

Of course, that feeling of contentment didn't last. I got home and started overthinking. What if being happy with how I looked means I'm going to start slipping? I don't want to be done losing weight yet. I'm not at my goal weight. Just because I don't dislike how I look doesn't mean I'm finished, and it's not a "shifting the goalposts" thing either - I haven't shifted anything, my goal weights haven't changed.

I know what you're probably thinking. It's what I'd be thinking, too. If you want to keep losing weight, just keep doing what you've been doing. You're the one that's been doing it, the only one that can stop you is yourself. Well, that's the thing. On the way home from the party, I was thinking to myself - I look pretty good. Maybe I don't have to be killing myself at this low restriction like I have been. Maybe I can up my calories and just lose slower. Would it really be the end of the world?

And my entire body is screaming YES of course it would you idiot, it would be like getting within sight of the finish line and deciding now would be a good time to lie down and take a nap.

And all of this coincided with being on vacation so I was eating at a higher restriction (still under TDEE) and not weighing myself so I'm kind of all over the place with that anyway and I'm just not sure how to feel right now.

[Rant/Rave] Fuck my life
Created: Tue May 30 11:19:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8qp0/fuck_my_life/

[Rant/Rave] My chronic stomach pain.
/u/yeezyblender [5'1 | 97 | BMI 18.3 | ]
Created: Tue May 30 11:01:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8m8b/my_chronic_stomach_pain/
For the past 3 years I've had terrible stomach pain. It's crippling, terrible, and I've never known what caused it. I've been hospitalized twice because of it and I've had NO answer. CAT scans, blood test, pee test, ultra sounds (I even had a vaginal ultrasound which is just super weird if you've ever had on. Not the point tho) The last time I was hospitalized I thought I was dying because I was in so much pain. Basically the pain would start whenever I ate something. I had to stick to eating very plain things without a lot of flavoring. This sucks bc I used to be the type to eat jalapeรฑos straight outta the jar. The pain did coincidentally start when I started starving myself more and more but I never realized I could actually be hurting myself so bad because of an ed I still won't admit I have. I've always talked about my pain with my aunt who has the same pain and never found an answer either. But she found out what it was last month. I don't know exactly how to explain it but her restricting her diet was the cause of it. The solution was for her to slowly start eating more. So that's what I started doing. It fucking worked. I spent thousands at the hospital. I spent so many hours in pain and all I had to do is eat more. However, I couldn't keep it up. I fell back in and now I'm in so much pain again and I know the reason is because I need to eat more and yet here I am. Not eating. I don't know what the point of this story is. Maybe that I deserve the pain since I can't do something as simple as eat 3 meals a day?

[Rant/Rave] Drank my body weight in booze over the weekend but you know what? It's okay. It's okay. I deserve to feel happy.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Tue May 30 10:33:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8flh/drank_my_body_weight_in_booze_over_the_weekend/
Saturday was one of my sisters in law's bachelorette party.

I started the day strong by not eating anything for breakfast or lunch.

The party started at 3pm at a winery, followed by dinner and then bar hopping. I had two glasses of super sweet wine at the winery (damn it) and split a plate of pasta with my SIL. So far, so good. I was doing "okay". Not great but okay.

Then came the damn bars. The damn BARS. Good god. I had, in total: Two glasses of wine, one glass of champagne, three nuts & berries (Frangelico + Chambord + half n half MY GOD IT'S SO GOOD), two buttery nipples, and three rum & cokes. I haven't calculated. I don't want to know how many calories that was.

But you know what? For the first time in months, maybe years? I had FUN. I had a fucking good time. I had fun with my friends. And after I got drunk I didn't give a fuck how many calories I had. I was free. And it was amazing. And I don't regret it. I deserved it. I'm back on my restriction as per usual now and I'm not gonna sweat this weekend for one second.

eta: Looking back over that I'm kind of shocked I didn't get alcohol poisoning tbh. Hot damn. I *never* drink liquor and haven't drank beer or wine in weeks. Then I was like "hey body, let's process 11 drinks". Wtf. Still had fun tho whatever.

[Other] Struggle...
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Tue May 30 10:25:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8dv0/struggle/
I always struggle with believing I'm enough. I'm not enough to be loved. I am not enough to deserve to eat. I'm not enough to deserve to exist.

My bf applied to a job in the Netherlands. We live in the US. I want to be supportive. I want him to go if he wants to. But I don't know how I can be ok when he leaves.

We broke up for a couple months a bit over year ago and even when I was "over" him and with other guys I never liked anyone like I love him. I'm an introvert, I don't let people in, I need my own space (I'm sure a lot of people here can relate). Whenever I'd be with a guy at his apartment or mine, I was always ready to leave or ready for them to leave after a couple of hours. But with my BF, even when we were first getting to know each other, i never felt that way. I always wanted him to stay over or to stay at his place. Even now, if I wanted to be alone I want to be alone with him. If I want to sit in silence and not talk, I still want him to be there. He's my safe space.

I wish I could be enough to keep him from leaving. He hasn't taken the job yet but I know how my life works out and I know he will. I try to pretend I'm ok but I'm really not. I'm not ok at all.

[Discussion] Movies in Spanish?
Created: Tue May 30 10:23:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8de1/movies_in_spanish/
I'm learning Spanish and trying my best to become fluent within a year or two. I am also obsessed with "thinspo" movies and movies about eating disorders.

So with that, does anyone know of any movies in Spanish that either are centered on EDs or are just generally thinspo-ish? Or any English movies that have been dubbed in Spanish?
A beautiful plus would be where I could find those (I'm not too hip with the youngsters and their illegal movie-watching).

[Discussion] Relapse :/
Created: Tue May 30 10:19:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e8cor/relapse/

[Help] I feel so low energy when fasting and I'm afraid people think I have no personality.
/u/alliwantistogiveup [5'1.5" | 110 | GW: 100 | -7 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 10:07:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e89tr/i_feel_so_low_energy_when_fasting_and_im_afraid/
It's ok if I'm just by myself all day but if I have to interact with people or go to work I don't want to seem like a super low energy person with zero personality. I don't want my boyfriend to feel like I'm boring and dull to spend time with. I want to be vivacious, lively, fun, but it's so hard to while fasting. Then I feel like I have to eat just to be a normal person.

[Thinspo] Brit's stomach ๐Ÿ˜
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Tue May 30 10:02:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e88r0/brits_stomach/

[Rant/Rave] Disordered Conversations
Created: Tue May 30 09:38:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e839d/disordered_conversations/

[Discussion] what are your hobbies & interests?
/u/bellexy [5'8 | 24. 82 |GW 121 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 09:31:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e81n9/what_are_your_hobbies_interests/
hey!! after a week ish of madness and binging and generally being asocial as heck, I'm back!!

just a community building question cause I wanna know y'all better, what are y'alls hobbies and interests? other than pooping, my favorite things to do are probably playing ukulele and cross stitching. they're great time-killers and they're both really fun to me because it's like, I can practice and get better and make cool stuff and whatnot.

what about youuuu tell me everything ๐Ÿ˜ป

[Rant/Rave] Anniversary cheat day, hangover edition
Created: Tue May 30 09:27:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e80sw/anniversary_cheat_day_hangover_edition/
I'm on mobile, flair discussion or help

I'm hungover, it's my anniversary, so fuck it I'm gonna eat WHATEVER today and go back to restricting tomorrow

I can do this

I have made GREAT progress

But I need ideas for foods that either help a mild hangover or at least won't make me hurl (I'd take a binge/purge ANY day over an involuntary puke bc it ALWAYS comes out my nose and usually doesn't when I purge for some reason)

Anyone got ideas for me?

[Rant/Rave] ~JustEDthings is not knowing when you have to take a BM and then having to go at the worst time possible<3
/u/AccaliaOmg [5'3 | 112| 19.7 | -18 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 09:00:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e7uqv/justedthings_is_not_knowing_when_you_have_to_take/
Jesus fucking Christ.

So I wake up to go on a run , right? The sun is out, its slightly warm, wow, beautiful ! I decide to go on an 8k run- 4k one way, 4k back. About 2k out, Im having a great time. I've got a good pace, the sun feels great.

And then I feel a pressure in my abdomen .

Im thinking, "thank the Lord! Do I get a BM today?"

Im debating on turning back and following through with my blessing.

... But running :/

I decide to put it off and finish my run before trying to go.

I notice with each step the pressure is getting worse. I ignore it because burning calories is more important.

Finally I reach the 4k mark, and I have to shit so, so badly. The pressure is getting so bad, and runnings not helping. Im developing lower abdominal pain. Im still 3k away from home

Guys, this fucking sucks .

Moral of the story- if you have to shit; shit.

Ill keep you guys posted


The worst has happened. I finally cant take the pressure or pain anymore. Im thankfully near the woods (but also next to a busy road, and a busy pathway), and I decide to just ... Go in the woods. I go a few feet into the woods and wow. Best BM ever, except for the fact its in the fucking woods. Some people pass by and dont notice me which is great. I had to use a couple of stupid leaves as TP, and I sort of ruined my favorite piece of underwear because apparently I wasnt holding my bowels well enough .

When I finish I jump out of the woods and went to keep running but a fAucking couple was there and we made awkward eye contact before I run away while fixing my shorts.

Im not even running anymore. Im just doing the I- just shit-in-the-woods walk of shame. To add to the embarrassment I got some on my hand because leaves do not make great TP.

Needless to say Im taking a thorough shower when I get home.

At least it burned calories lol

[Rant/Rave] Weekend at home because i had a meltdown [rant/rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Tue May 30 07:47:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e7fu5/weekend_at_home_because_i_had_a_meltdown_rantrave/
Shameless "can someone just tell me it's going to be all okay" post here.

I've been eating ~900kcal recently, often less, and I got down to 58kg. Then, I had a meltdown and my parents told me to come home for the weekend.

My boyfriend broke up with me, my parents were concerned about how much weight i lost and my mum was watching me like a hawk.

In three/four days I probably ate about 2000kcal every day.

I just can't wait to go back and be back on my 900kcal plan.

Can someone just tell me that I can do it because I feel shit and so guilty right now, but I just couldn't stop eating.

EDIT: weighed myself and I'm 60kg again - this is okay, this is doable, this is reversible! Thank you everyone for your kind words. LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

[Intro] Just a lurker coming out of the shadows...
/u/YukiHase [5'9'' | 132.4 | 19.6 | GW: 125 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 06:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e70s1/just_a_lurker_coming_out_of_the_shadows/
I've lurked for a bit and I find this subreddit helping me a lot. Usually nobody relates to how I feel all of the time about my weight, but everyone on here is in the same boat as I am. Finally a place where I can talk about what's happening and have people actually understand... It's a nice change.

Anyway, hi everyone! I've struggled with my weight ever since I was very little, overeating all of the time. I've been overweight all of my life until around two years ago. I lost over 50 pounds in about 6 months until I was 125, and I hadn't felt any better about myself ever. I loved being that weight. Somehow though last december I stepped on the scale and I was 158!! I was overeating again. I felt awful and extremely gross and needed to lose it all again. I'm 135 now but I feel like I'm not losing fast enough. Starting today I'm restricting more... I just want to at least feel as happy as I used to be, and I want to stay like that.

I also feel like I have body dysmorphia. When there's a reflection I always want to look at myself in it. Sometimes I look skinny, and sometimes I look gross and huge. I'm also always preoccupied with comparing my body to others. Uugh, it never ends!!!

I think that's all I have to say about myself... Other than that I just really appreciate you all.. I'm so happy I found this sub.

[Sticky] Self-care and Beauty Q+A May 30, 2017
Created: Tue May 30 06:11:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6yhq/selfcare_and_beauty_qa_may_30_2017/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to discuss harm reduction and beauty tips, plus suggestions on how to build back up the physical self before and after engaging in disordered behaviors.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Self-care and beauty threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 30, 2017
Created: Tue May 30 06:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6ygt/daily_food_diary_may_30_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 30, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] My SO doesn't find skinny attractive
/u/forestfloorpool [170cm + bmi18 + gbmi16 +24f]
Created: Tue May 30 06:05:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6xkw/my_so_doesnt_find_skinny_attractive/
My husband doesn't find long, lean and skinny physiques attractive. Now I am naturally built kind of that way (getting skinny isn't the motivation for my ED), and I would like to work towards losing a few more kgs. He has expressed how he doesn't like that body type, and doesn't find the usual VS model thinspo attractive. Now he isn't saying that I am unattractive, he just doesn't want me to lose anymore weight.

I won't ever really have the womanly figure, nor do I want it. Does anyone face this issue? My non-ED side wants to be attractive for my husband, but the other part of me wants to make myself happy. I don't want to gain 10kg (that's what he wants me to gain), I am not reaaaally underweight anyway. Ugh :(

[Discussion] Recognizing thinspo?
Created: Tue May 30 03:52:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e6dnc/recognizing_thinspo/
Do you ever recognize certain thinspo pictures when you're online? Whether it's because you saved them, have seen it so many times, or because you've stared at & studied it that if you ever see a reposting of it that's been edited, you can tell? I just saw some thinspo that I've spent so long looking at before, I could actually envision the girl's face even though it had been cropped out. It makes me feel crazy

[Rant/Rave] Whenever I offer food to someone
Created: Tue May 30 01:18:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5uid/whenever_i_offer_food_to_someone/

[Discussion] Saw pictures of myself from a year ago
/u/PutinsThirdLover [173cm | 52kg | 17.37 | F]
Created: Tue May 30 00:45:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5pzf/saw_pictures_of_myself_from_a_year_ago/
I was so much larger; I can't believe it. It doesn't feel as if much has changed but I was a good 10 kilograms heavier than I am now, and it scares me to think that I could be back there.

I feel like just one lapse of control will reset all of the progress I've made, and that's such a frightening thing to contemplate right now, because I'm trying to 'recover' and my parents are shelling out so much money for therapists and nutritionists but I don't even know what I want. I was a 'healthy' BMI then and I know I'm kind of underweight now, but I prefer being this way so incredibly much.

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] My two year anniversary is coming up
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F๐Ÿ’Ž]
Created: Tue May 30 00:37:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5oxa/rant_my_two_year_anniversary_is_coming_up/
I just got a job which is awesome, and I'm on my feet moving around all day. Two or three days a week I have to do a lot of physical activity also! BUT I work at a food store with samples and prepared desserts, coffee drinks, gelato, pizza and other amazing foods. This is on top of the rest of the grocery section.
My anniversary is in two weeks and I have been slacking on working out bc I've been tired as fuck. Two nights ago my bf and I SPLIT A CAKE. **I HAD HALF OF A CAKE.** I need some fucking motivation bc I already picked my dress and it's hot, but I am not.

[Other] Sometimes I get jealous of the people on My 600 Pound Life
Created: Tue May 30 00:30:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5o17/sometimes_i_get_jealous_of_the_people_on_my_600/
Watching that show I get jealous of all the shit they eat and wishing I could eat like that too. But only for like a split second because I know how miserable and difficult their lives are because of it.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so fucking sick of this
/u/Jitterly [164 cm | too much | F]
Created: Tue May 30 00:22:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5my9/im_so_fucking_sick_of_this/
I'm so sick of making myself miserable all the time. I've had an eating disorder for as long as I can remember and I don't even have a personality without it anymore. No matter what i do I feel miserable. I was miserable at my low weight, I'm miserable now that I'm weight restored, and I was miserable at every weight in between. All I fucking do anymore is cry and pity myself and I feel disgusting. I don't want to deal with this for my whole life it takes up all my time, and yet I don't want to get better because my anorexia nervosa is part of who I am. Its part of what makes me interesting, it's something to strive for, and it's something that sometimes makes me feel ok about myself.
And now I just feel like a fucking cow since I'm not underweight anymore. I just feel like I've lost such a huge part of my personality and I want it back. I just want to feel small. I just want to be frail.
I don't know why. For as long as I can remember I've had it ingrained in my head that I was supposed to be the skinny friend and I'm just not. It feels wrong. I feel like I'm in the wrong body and like I was supposed to be naturally tiny.
I'm so trapped in this body I despise and every time I see myself I get bigger. I can't live like this.
I just want to be happy

[Rant/Rave] My coworker a why I am a terrible person.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Mon May 29 23:36:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5ged/my_coworker_a_why_i_am_a_terrible_person/
On mobile flair as rant/rave

So first off I binged again and I feel terrible and have been aggressively tracking and logging my binges so good got me right now on to my rant.

I work in a kitchen as a line cook at a vegan restaurant. Naturally most my coworkers as skinny vegans. A few weeks ago a girl started. She is nonbinary like me but for simplicity she is a female I will call them R. So R works before me some shifts and we rarely overlap then fast foreword to the last two weeks we have closed together two to three nights out of five. They are 5 feet tall, pale, tattooes, very skinny maybe 80 pounds or 90 at most. kind of goth aesthetic like me and the kind I love and adore on others and me. Naturally I developed kind of a crush bug know and respect workplace boundaries and her having a partner. So I resented her early on cause she was still new and I just don't do well with other people cause I'm preoccupied with my ED. So I begin to take notice. She never orders a shift meal.

ED senses tingling. It's like I have a 6th sense for ED behaviors when I see them. She rarely eats and when she does its a solitary English muffin, dry and toasted with a small dab of jam. That's it. One te we were talking about a larger sandwhich we make at work and R remarked "that's more food than I eat in a week". Was she joking or serious. R is short, not very strong and has difficulty doing some things like reaching shelves or picking up full plates because they have like no muscle and said they never work out.

I feel like I send out red flags at work because I never eat. I only drink coffee and diet soda on my shifts and lots of water. Maybe my coworkers think or know I have an ED I don't really try to hide it but sometimes I talk about eating to seem normal and I have ordered food togo before and taken it home and binged and purged but only once at work because I can't purge at work.

Back to my coworker. I was talking to them and we have a lot in common we are both super into fashion and I feel like we could be friends but at the same time my ED tells me to hate them and keep really strict boundaries because I am not going to be shown up by some other person. My ED has me feeling like I need to compete with someone who I am so different from. They are 5 feet talk and a biological female so statistically smaller in frame already and I am 5'9" and a biological male with a medium frame it's not a lateral comparison and I know it but my ED tells me it is so now I feel like I need to up my game and be sicker.

When I was in treatment I never felt sick enough I was never underweight because I was bulimic and bulimic people are usually average to overweight unlike those with more textbook anorexia. I put on weight and now I'm average to overweight again. I want to be underweight so bad. It would suit my aesthetic and fashion desires more to be more model esqe and I just want people to see me and wonder how I'm even alive and so skinny.

I resent my coworker because they are small and delicate and fit the gothic aesthetic I desire and I don't feelvsick enough and now it feels like a game I am only bound to lose. A game with my life. I need to be thinner and sicker than them and I want them to know it.

I feel awful for thinking this. I wish I could just try and have a friend and not a competitor or an adversary. The game is on though and I feel like I need to be better.

Also happy memorial day to my fellow American lovelies. You are all beautiful.


[Discussion] How do you guys deal with family dinners?
Created: Mon May 29 23:30:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5fn9/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_family_dinners/

[Intro] I'm coming back here because...
Created: Mon May 29 23:25:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5etx/im_coming_back_here_because/
...despite finally separating myself from an abusive relationship for good, I still feel it's consequences.
...I still find the skinny, tiny body to be the most desirable.
...this is the only way to keep myself focused.
...this is the only place that has always been unconditionally supportive and loving, where I feel welcome even though I am an ugly degenerate.
...hating yourself seems to be just too damn addictive.

Hi, I'm me, never been diagnosed but struggling with eating for 10 years now, mainly severe binges but also periods of starvation. I've been here before, several times. I don't know how long I've been away, and this username is all brand new. The only thing I can think of now is how lately I realized something: this has always been about trying to be the skinniest, so I can feel pretty and feminine again. But that's never going to happen. Even if I can lose enough weight, it won't fix my perception of myself. I'll still hate it all. Now I understand it's really about punishing myself for being such a waste of space and air. It's about dying slowly, quietly, in the background, so that you won't bother anyone. My body is already severely damaged; I want to at least feel what it's like to be skinny before I cease to exist.

That's all I can think of right now. I just love this place so much. Thank you for reading.

[Intro] Longtime lurker... Finally realized
Created: Mon May 29 23:22:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e5edf/longtime_lurker_finally_realized/
...that I really do have body dysmorphia. I never had consistent access to a full body mirror over the past few years so maybe this is why I have only realized just now, after years of worrying about my weight. Also rarely weigh myself.

Still hard to compromise my mindsets- on one hand, I'm tempted to count and restrict my calories as well as worry about how much exercise I'm getting. On the other, I feel content and want to go back to behaving like a normal person like the rest of humanity. Confident with my body.

[Thinspo] Thinspo album: BFFs
Created: Mon May 29 22:00:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e51aq/thinspo_album_bffs/

[Goal] 2 or 3 day fast accountability
Created: Mon May 29 21:30:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4wft/2_or_3_day_fast_accountability/

[Rant/Rave] I did a thing....
/u/EmpressAdrianne [5'10"|CW171|GW~140|F]
Created: Mon May 29 21:23:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4v9v/i_did_a_thing/

[Discussion] I want to reach ~5lbs under my UGW and have huge binge day before starting maintenance.
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Mon May 29 20:56:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4qi3/i_want_to_reach_5lbs_under_my_ugw_and_have_huge/
I've been running this thought over and over in my mind. Instead of binging 2k+ calories in one sitting each week, what if - when I reached my UGW - I had a *massive* cheat day? Eating all of my favorite foods that I love but won't allow myself to eat. Here's how I'd do it:

1. Reach UGW
2. Drop a couple pounds (or more) below UGW, which will be gained back with the binge
3. Buy all of my binge foods, and in a controlled setting (with someone I trust to stop me from getting out of control) allow myself to enjoy them. I'm thinking around 7k calories worth of food.
4. Monitor my weight until I gain back to my UGW.
5. Maintain, rather than restrict, from there on.

Libra scale says, at my current rate, I'll reach my UGW on July 12. losertown (the website) says around July 20th. So to be safe (with the extra couple pounds) I'll probably have my binge day around the end of July.

At least, that's my thought pattern.

Am I crazy for doing this? I know you shouldn't use food as a reward, but I'm tired of the out of control binges every week. I haven't had one so far this week, but I don't want to be walking on eggshells around myself with this. So yeah, thoughts?

[Rant/Rave] "Recovery", gaining weight, feeling gross
/u/Castoroilexperiment [5'6 | 95 | 29F| 17]
Created: Mon May 29 20:53:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4q4m/recovery_gaining_weight_feeling_gross/
I think I've gained around 5 or 10 pounds. I hate how my clothes fit now. :(

[Other] A beginning to a collection of poems.
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 107.0 | 19.57 | -28 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 19:41:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4cy0/a_beginning_to_a_collection_of_poems/

[Rant/Rave] Life changing dinner holy shit
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Mon May 29 19:37:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4c8y/life_changing_dinner_holy_shit/
Y'all I just on a weird ED whim decided to heat up a boca burger and spread a whole laughing cow wedge on it and OH MY GOD. I'm legitimately feeling stuffed because it was so damn savory. It was 125 calories and the taste reminded me of something and now I realize it tastes EXACTLY like a cheeseburger with American cheese from Red Robin. Like I swear.

Also now realizing you could add a 140 cal REAL hamburger bun and load it up with veggies and even ketchup and have a super satisfying fast food tasting cheeseburger for less than 300 calories. Holy shit.

[Rant/Rave] CURVES
/u/fatal11fem [5'2 | CW:119 | -13]
Created: Mon May 29 19:30:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4ayz/curves/
While discussing me potentially cutting off all my hair my husband tries to talk me out of it by saying he really like my long hair because femininity and it goes with my curves.

This is like the 1000th time he's called or insinuated that I am CURVY *cringe* and I never thank him...I don't understand how he keeps thinking Im taking this as a compliment.

Im not even a sexual person!!!
In fact, I just want my prepubescent body back and for everyone to stop sexualizing me. T_T

[Rant/Rave] DAE dairy free get so jealous of Halo Top?
Created: Mon May 29 19:25:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e4a3x/dae_dairy_free_get_so_jealous_of_halo_top/
I'm a long-term vegan, but I FUCKING WOULD LOVE TO EAT HALOTOP. 250 cals in A PINT??? That would totally satisfy my cravings to binge.

[Thinspo] My favorite thinspo of all time...
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 125 | GW: 110 | -13]
Created: Mon May 29 18:48:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e439e/my_favorite_thinspo_of_all_time/

[Discussion] |Discussion| DAE get hungrier when they're sick?
/u/Dumplingmeister [5'2 |123.8| WL: 96.2 |GW: 110|20A]
Created: Mon May 29 18:38:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e41d6/discussion_dae_get_hungrier_when_theyre_sick/
I've been nursing some devilish laryngitis/cold hybrid this week and the cravings and hunger pangs have been *real*. I'm generally fine eating 5-700 calories a day but it's been such a fucking challenge to keep myself from caving for some reason. It's also exhausting going back and forth between 'your body is obviously telling you something' and 'hey fatty boom boom get over it'.

[Discussion] why do people say that you gain more weight from eating less?
/u/airbud1997 [5'8 / 126 lbs / GW 100 / BMI 19]
Created: Mon May 29 18:23:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3yoc/why_do_people_say_that_you_gain_more_weight_from/
seems like a bunch of bullshit to me. there's been times when I've lost 10 pounds in a week.

lowest cal dietary need?
Created: Mon May 29 18:14:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3wzh/lowest_cal_dietary_need/

[Rant/Rave] don't feel horrible about gaining a little weight
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Mon May 29 18:04:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3uva/dont_feel_horrible_about_gaining_a_little_weight/
idk what to flair this as so i guess a rave but i've gained a little weight over the past few weeks and although i feel the need to restrict and can't expect myself not to, i don't feel the awful self-esteem that i thought i would! which is maybe a smaller part of a much bigger process but it's something โœŒ๏ธ

[Discussion] Ramadan... DAE witness?
Created: Mon May 29 17:47:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3roq/ramadan_dae_witness/
SoOoOo I witness Ramadan, not bc im a devout practitioner lol~ but because i have to. I was reading the searched threads, and I want a refresher for others with ED who go through this time, cuz idk it's really relevant
from other posts:

Ramadan is when Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset. I personally like it because it helps me focus on self-control and because it is a super socially acceptable way to fast during the day.

This year I am away from home. I find it has problems with my tendency of BED and it being an excuse to binge on anything? And without any kind of community to feast with it messes with my year-round eating sched; control foods; night eating; and having energy to work out.

My current SO is really apprehensive about me witnessing because I'm not at home, nor with him for the summer, and I can just wait to eat at the place where I am staying for work... where I would be able to eat once in the evening at 5pm with these very old and catholic people.

I dont really know that much about fasting/what scientifically happens during the holiday period, but if anyone else knows something to spout at my SO that would be g-r-e-a-t because idk what else to tell him but oope it's something I have to do?

[Rant/Rave] I ate thousand calories in under 10 minutes
Created: Mon May 29 16:55:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3hsi/i_ate_thousand_calories_in_under_10_minutes/
I was doing so good I was at 1192 and now I'm at 2241 one I fucking hate myself like it's like why beca what the fuck

[Help] Don't want to recover, advice on discharging myself(UK adult)
Created: Mon May 29 16:51:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3h2o/dont_want_to_recover_advice_on_discharging/

[Discussion] [Help/Discussion] Has anyone done body contouring procedures?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 16:24:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3bv0/helpdiscussion_has_anyone_done_body_contouring/
Liposuction, coolsculpt, that kind of thing? I'm feeling so tempted to bite the bullet and do it lately. I'm tired of losing and gaining and losing and gaining and my hips/thighs/butt always looking exactly the same regardless of my weight. I sort of feel like either I'll do it and I'll feel better about how I look or I won't and I'll know I need to seriously pursue therapy but my body will look good when I recover.
What are your experiences with it and what do you think of people doing it?

[Discussion] Am I taking a big risk in buying clothes I can just fit into?
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Mon May 29 16:16:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e3a7n/am_i_taking_a_big_risk_in_buying_clothes_i_can/
I recently became a mens size small (from large) after a massive weight loss ~50lbs, I sold some unused large clothes and spent it all on new small clothes. I am a school student so this is a large amount of money.

I am borderline medium/small, about an inch below, I still have a few lbs to lose, and have bought some clothes in size small. I am a size small, and have a last few lbs to lose.

Should I not use these new clothes until I am certain I am a size small (so I can resell them as they are still unused( or wear them now and use them as motivation to lose the final few lbs?

[Discussion] How accurate is losertown in your experience?
/u/notlion [5'9.5" | 23.7 | -47 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:59:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e36z6/how_accurate_is_losertown_in_your_experience/
It shows me as only losing a little over 2lbs a week at a max of 600 cals a day. Which doesn't feel fast enough ๐Ÿ˜ญ

[Rant/Rave] Veering between eating and fasting since meeting a potential new SO
/u/pleasegodnofuck [5'3 | 852lbs | 155.1 | -11lbs | ?]
Created: Mon May 29 15:58:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e36rr/veering_between_eating_and_fasting_since_meeting/
I started seeing this guy. He's tall and relatively thin, not enough to trigger me, but has a flat stomach and all that shit. He texts me whenever he's eaten "too much" food and tells me he's afraid he's getting fat. I mean, he thinks he's fat now. He used to be underweight. I've asked him a few times if he has/had an eating disorder and he denies it.

I've been eating more normally since meeting him. He tells me that I have an incredible body and he's really into asses so I guess I'm a little worried about losing weight (lol can you believe it.) I've still been *really* anxious about how I've been eating around him, though.

The other night we were eating out and he told me that we need to cut back since he's worried we'll get fat. I'd told him that with my past ex I gained about ten pounds because she'd buy us shitloads of food all the time. He referenced that as we were talking.

I'm feeling so conflicted. My entire life has been about losing weight and being as thin as possible and now I have this person in my life who makes me feel like I'm perfect the way I am while simultaneously sharing/triggering the anxieties that keep me from eating normally. I've just been eating when I'm with him and fasting when I'm not. I've put on some weight and I hate hate hate hate hate it so fucking much.

I'm worried that if I lose weight it'll come off of the places that he finds attractive in me and I'll just be this fat person with no redeemable features. When we watch TV or movies together I'm hyper-aware of all of the people who are thinner than me and in better shape and wonder if he's comparing me to them. I have this desire to cut off all contact with him and anyone else interested in dating me and just starving until I reach my goal weight so that anyone I attract afterward will be the type who's into incredibly thin people. Also, to avoid having someone disappointed in my body in the potential awkward phase of having like no ass despite being a fat fuck. But I like this guy.

I hate that I'm basing my decisions on someone else. I hate that having my appearance validated by romantic partners is so important to me. I'm honestly the sort of person who should just be single and focus on my enormous amount of baggage, but I keep falling into relationships. Dating turns me into an idiot.

[Rant/Rave] I am acting crazily weird
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:25:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2zyv/i_am_acting_crazily_weird/
(On mobile - Please flair as Rant, I guess)

Sorry, that I am writing again. But I am being weird. More than usual. And incredibly nervous. It might be because of my fast, my over consumption of coffee and green tea or because I'm still waiting for some important news.
I'm going from one corner to the next, packing and arranging things but in a obsessive compulsive chaotic kind of way. Like a drunk wasp.

Also someone offered me some mozzarella and fish. I gave it to my dog as I will end my fast in three days only.

Then I started writing, but all I could do is thinking about my pantry. Does someone else also have this habit of making lists of your food? Maybe it's because of my job. But I am not working right now and I would never be so obsessed.

Today I went so far, that I wrote down all the foods I own. Total grams, total calories. Calories per serving. Where I could, I even wrote down the exact number and the estimated weight and calories per piece. Then I calculated in how many days I will have to consume it all, as I am leaving soon and thus what the average will be per day.

This is fucking crazy. I thought I had recovered and now I'm actually acting worse than ever?

his hands make me feel great about mine โ™ก
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 112 | BMI: 17.5 | GW: 110? | WL: 25 F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:16:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2yab/his_hands_make_me_feel_great_about_mine/

[Discussion] Do you ever feel like you aren't 'worthy' of your eating disorder?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 125 | GW 115 | BMI 20ish | -35 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 15:03:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2vfp/do_you_ever_feel_like_you_arent_worthy_of_your/
I'm not even sure if this question makes sense, but do you ever feel like you don't restrict enough to consider yourself anorexic, or purge enough to consider yourself bulimic? Like you don't have the right mindset or the actual physical look of someone with an ED? It's like in my head I put eating disorders on a pedestal. I always did, even before I had one. Even though I know it's an illness (a very unhealthy one at that), I still romanticized it in my head that it was this glamorous thing people did to stay thin and attractive. I know this sounds so fucked up. When I finally realized in March of last year that I did in fact have an eating disorder, I felt better about myself. And when I eventually lost 30+ pounds, I felt like I was better than other people in the fact that I could lose weight very quickly, using such extreme means of control.

But the negative aspects bring my outlook back into perspective sometimes, because the complete and absolute obsession with food, my looks, how I compare to others, etc. absolutely suck. I love my ED, but I also hate it. I love that I've lost weight, but I hate that I haven't lost enough. I don't feel worthy of the title of it (as much as I hate thinking that way, because I know I shouldn't put it on a pedestal) because I fee like I don't yet look like I actually have an eating disorder.

Does this make any sense??

[Intro] Chubby Czech person with an ok face and a laxative problem
/u/tewkewfoskewl [5'7" | CW: 128 lbs | BMI: 20.05 | GW1: 115 lbs | 22 F]
Created: Mon May 29 14:50:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2ss1/chubby_czech_person_with_an_ok_face_and_a/
Hi friends. I started playing around with my weight after my boyfriend of 5 years left me for a skinnier girl and marveled at "how much tinier" she was than me. I don't have luck with men. I've never been asked out, or spoken to by a man unless it was due to work/classes. I always have to make the first move which is frustrating when your peers have the opposite issue. I really don't think I'm ugly though, I genuinely believe I got a pretty sweet deal from the genetic lottery (Czech/Swedish mix). My biggest problem: I'm just fat.

I also have a small habit with taking laxatives. I take 8 of the 25mg equate laxatives every other day, some days more so. I don't like the sensation of having food in my body. Hoping to learn from you guys to ultimately find a way around this. Restriction seems to be the only thing working right now.

[Discussion] DAE restricts so you can drink booze?
Created: Mon May 29 14:34:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2p3f/dae_restricts_so_you_can_drink_booze/

[Discussion] What do you consider a binge?
/u/mrcolon96 [12kg lost]
Created: Mon May 29 14:33:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2p1v/what_do_you_consider_a_binge/
Obviously eating 3000 calories in 30 minutes is a binge, but what about when you eat a lot of low calorie food?

I just ate like 1kg of steamed broccoli because I was very anxious and obviously it is a lot of food but it's like 300calories. Do you consider that binging or not? I do it often because purging is not an option right now but sometimes you just need to eat a lot.

Day 2 of fasting
Created: Mon May 29 14:23:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e2n02/day_2_of_fasting/

[Discussion] Restrictive eating curb panic attacks for anyone else?
/u/damn_it_linda [5'4" | 122 | -28 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 13:10:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e27i9/restrictive_eating_curb_panic_attacks_for_anyone/
Hey lovelies, hope you all are well. I was curious about this, I have generalized anxiety disorder, and am prone to panic attacks pretty regularly. I recently went through a restrictive eating period over about a month, about 1000 calories per day for me. (I'm very active, crossfit and weightlifting 6x a week so that calorie amount is personally very low for me). During that time I had ZERO panic attacks, and my anxiety levels were nearly non existent. However, over the last 4 days I have been eating at or above maintenance and my panic attacks have been back pretty full force. Not sure if this is coincidence, but I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this. Any insight?

Side question, also. Holy moly what do you guys DO to help ease those catestrophic panic attacks where you feel like you're genuinely having a medical emergency? I am temporarily without insurance and even the idea of having another panic attack is terrifying.

[Help] Light headedness while restricting?
Created: Mon May 29 11:47:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1pf1/light_headedness_while_restricting/
(Mobile, can't flair)
So I started restricting again after a couple of weeks at an attempt to eat normally and my head HURTSSS! Is there a way to fix this without pills? (I hate pills. They make my stomach sick any time I take them.)

[Help] Nausea/vomiting after fasting?
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 125 | GW: 110 | -13]
Created: Mon May 29 11:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1nw5/nauseavomiting_after_fasting/
I fasted from Saturday night until this morning - I drank plenty, and hadn't fasted or restricted in the few days leading up to it. I see people talk about how the hunger pains subsided on the second day, and they felt light and full of energy, but I woke up early feeling like total garbage... nauseated, shaky, foggy, and weak. I broke my fast with a handful of cherries, a light Babybel, and some coconut water, still felt like crap, and about 45 minutes later I threw it all up. (In case the title wasn't clear this wasn't a self-induced purge, my body did it.) I immediately felt better, though still very hungry, and tried some more coconut water and threw that up, too. But it's almost noon now and I've had a banana smoothie and some protein chips and feel completely fine, definitely not a stomach bug or anything. Any thoughts?

[Rant/Rave] Misread the amount of calories
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | UGW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Mon May 29 11:38:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1nji/misread_the_amount_of_calories/
I saw people recommending those complete cookies or whatever. Decided to try it and hey, certain flavors were pretty good! But what I failed to realize was that 16 grams of protein was for the *entire* cookie, and that the whole cookie was *2* serving sizes. So I ate 200 calories of something that tasted mediocre for 8 grams of protein. I'm gonna cry.

[Intro] Hi, I guess.
/u/zoish_ori [173 cm | 55 kg | 18.2 | 27F]
Created: Mon May 29 11:19:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1jj5/hi_i_guess/
I learned about this sub-reddit from a fellow aspie. At the time I was fairly well recovered, so this sub terrified me. I ran away appalled and tried to put it from my mind.

Then I relapsed.

So here I am.

April was a really hard month. Like, I ended up in the acute trauma ward of a mental hospital sorts of hard month. I was refusing food and water for, oh, you know, a couple days. I didn't eat anything for, oh, you know, two weeks or so. I dropped so much weight. Fortunately they eventually got me stable enough for discharge.

Unfortunately, I'm still pretty sick. I seem to have gotten past the suicidal thoughts, but I'm still cutting and restricting pretty aggressively (500 - 700 kCal per day). I really let myself go. I can't believe I ever weighed 62 kg (137 lbs). I'm such a glutton ;\_;

I'm in intensive out-patient. I know I need to get better eventually, but I'm not ready yet. I can't even fathom that. I'm going to have to soon because the psychiatrists have already mentioned hospitalization and^I'm.already.showing.cardiac.symptoms^Oh.my.God.I'm.going.to.die.;\_;

Anyway, it's nice to meet you all \^\^;

[Rant/Rave] Rewards for goals met!
Created: Mon May 29 11:11:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1hlz/rewards_for_goals_met/
Soooo I've been trying to decide what to do for myself when I get back into the 160's (140-ish is the ultimate goal for now at 5'10" but that's a ways off) and I'm thinking I might like to buy myself a nice watch! I don't have much in the way of jewelry and wanted to build up a collection, maybe try to look a little more "grown up" lol.

I've been looking at Nixon watches, not sure what model yet but leaning towards a rose-gold facet one. I've got about 5 pounds to go, so maybe in a couple of weeks I can earn myself something nice! ๐Ÿ™‚

[Rant/Rave] I made a post two days ago excuse the spam
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Mon May 29 10:47:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e1ccn/i_made_a_post_two_days_ago_excuse_the_spam/
my anger and frustration has multiplied TENFOLD.

It's been over a month and a half. April 9 to today, May 29. I have lost NINE pounds, despite eating perfect. Never binging. Never purging. 3000+ steps a day. I average 800-900 calories a day!!!


Why is my body broken?? I *am* overweight. Why the *fuck* am I not losing?

[Goal] I discovered a new goal, but it's incredibly selfish.
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.4 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.6 lbs]
Created: Mon May 29 10:33:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e19cj/i_discovered_a_new_goal_but_its_incredibly_selfish/
I want to be too light to give blood. Apparently, as I learned today, it's a 110 lb cut-off. My UGW is 105 so if I (ever) get there, I won't be able to give blood.

But how messed up is that? I don't know my blood type, but I could be a universal donor or something! And giving blood is one of those altruistic things that take minimal effort.

Yet I have this weird fantasy of going to give blood and being turned away for not weighing enough. And I would feign embarrassment and disappointment while in actuality, I'd be filled with a sick sense of pride.

[Discussion] [Discussion] What do you think will be better once you reach your UGW?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 10:32:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e191q/discussion_what_do_you_think_will_be_better_once/
I keep asking myself why I want to be thin and beautiful so badly and honestly I have no idea what I think I'll gain from it. Objectively my life is pretty great and being ten pounds lighter won't change anything in terms of how people relate to me and yet.... it just feels like this body isn't *my* body? Like this isn't what I'm supposed to look like? What do you all hope will change in your life? What motivates you to keep going?

[Goal] 3-day water fast (day 1!)
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 10:28:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e18bt/3day_water_fast_day_1/
Hi all!!

I decided to do a 3-day fast, and give myself little treats at the end of each successful day. I'm consuming nothing but water (hot and cold, flat and carbonated, as long as they're 0 calorie) and EC stack each morning. Today is day 1 (I haven't eaten since 6pm yesterday).

Posting on here right now because I've got my first little hunger pangs (but they feel kinda good!) and trying to keep myself accountable. At the end of today I'll treat myself to a mud mask and be one tiny step closer to beautiful...

[Intro] Hi, I'm lacey_lovely and I haven't pooped in four days
/u/lacey_lovely [5'3" | CW 104 | BMI 18.9 | UGW 92? | 23F]
Created: Mon May 29 10:23:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e172m/hi_im_lacey_lovely_and_i_havent_pooped_in_four/
...but at least it's killed my appetite?

Anyway, hello! I've been lurking for a while and recently commented a few times, and I wanted to write up a nice intro post but I'm in too much physical and emotional distress so this will have to do. Short version: I maintain pretty high (~1000 cal a day) and my main issue is dysmorphia/body image, but my relationship with food isn't normal either.


This has been happening on and off for a couple months, but it just keeps getting worse and I don't even know what to do at this point. I went to the doctor a week ago and she just told me things I already know. I'm getting plenty of fiber from my diet and a from a supplement she recommended. I'm drinking tons of water. But it's like my digestive system has totally failed me, and now laxatives don't even seem to be working. I took the maximum dose of milk of magnesia yesterday afternoon and a medium dose of dulcolax over twelve hours ago, and still nothing. The dulcolax has worked the other three times in my life I've used it, so I don't know what to do now that it isn't.

I'm kind of glad I don't want to eat right now because last week was a caloric shitshow and I want to make up for it, but I would honestly rather be eating and have this fucking constipation gone. I'm in pain and honestly scared and this whole not pooping thing has really been triggering my anxiety. Any advice would be incredible, but I really just wanted to get this out since I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it. So thank you all for making this a place I can vent <3

[Rant/Rave] I ate over 5,000 calories yesterday.
Created: Mon May 29 09:46:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0z0a/i_ate_over_5000_calories_yesterday/

[Discussion] The bigger my hair is, the smaller I'll look right?
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Mon May 29 09:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0yw6/the_bigger_my_hair_is_the_smaller_ill_look_right/
I've developed a new obsession to occupy my time with. Hair, ridiculously big hair.

I have really long hair that I told myself I would have cut or styled when I hit my goal weight. I've decided that I will not cut my hair for a very long time though, regardless of my weight. I now spend a lot of my time watching YouTube videos and trying out new ways to make my hair as big and full as possible.

The plan is to make the rest of my body look disproportionately small in comparison.

[Thinspo] Try to remember ๐Ÿ’ก
/u/lethalhamartia [5'1 | ? | UGW: 83 |F]
Created: Mon May 29 09:30:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0vp7/try_to_remember/

[Discussion] DAE think their ED is rooted in impulsiveness instead of order?
Created: Mon May 29 09:23:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0udl/dae_think_their_ed_is_rooted_in_impulsiveness/
Lots of people do fasts, calorie count, exercise, add up/subtract, and even give themselves a prize after a goal weight (ex: a new shirt). But I find that my ED is more impulse-based, and more habitual. I'm messy, my emotions are volatile, I get attached and detached way too fucking quick, I take my anger out on my body. I don't read calories or give myself treats after a GW, hell I barely look at my weight.

I just did some introspecting and I just feel like if I started restricting, counting calories, etc I would feel so...trapped IN, and wouldn't maintain it.

Meanwhile my emotions have led me to cut unevenly on my body, cut off chunks of my hair (ugly mess LOL), take diet pills and purge.

My ED doesn't feel like it's based on control, it just feels like the way I live now. It's the whole act I'm addicted to? IDK fuck

EDIT: Today I decided on a GW of 99 lbs but honestly the number doesn't show the progress, it's seen in my paler skin, thinner hair, bruised knees, and everything else that gets me close to destruction as much as I fear it. well shit man, IDK

[Discussion] ED: self-abuse vs self-care
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Mon May 29 08:49:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0nqv/ed_selfabuse_vs_selfcare/
Hi all!

I was thinking this morning about the funny dichotomy of my food issues-- some days, restricting feels like punishment, and other days it feels like a treat. Last week I was having a terrible week so I restricted to 600 cals/day because I hated myself and I hated my life and mostly I hated my job/boss.

Now I have a 3 day "weekend" starting today (my job has odd days), so this morning I decided to do a 3-day fast, and I'm genuinely excited and happy about it! It feels like a little happy retreat to me. I even came up with little gifts to myself for each day-- at the end of today I get a mud mask, tomorrow I get to take a sunset walk in my favorite nature preserve, and Wednesday I get to take an aromatherapy shower with my favorite exfoliating scrub. I'm also excited to weigh myself Thursday morning and see how I do!

Does anyone else go back and forth between the same ED routines sometimes feeling like punishment and other times feeling like reward? Just curious!

[Rant/Rave] Lost my job 2 days ago but on the upside...
/u/deja_daisy [5'2 | CW: Sad! | GW:100]
Created: Mon May 29 08:19:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0iie/lost_my_job_2_days_ago_but_on_the_upside/
Been too fucking depressed to eat anything and don't even feel hungry from the fear in me - meant to be saving up for a wedding next year but hey at least I'll be skinny by then!

[Discussion] What feels like cheating to you?
Created: Mon May 29 08:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0h0c/what_feels_like_cheating_to_you/
Toasted bread. It's so crunchy and so much better than normal bread, but you don't have to add any calories to the bread to get it.

What gives you the feeling that you're cheating?

[Tip] My binge prevention food
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Mon May 29 07:51:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6e0dpd/my_binge_prevention_food/
When I feel myself about to crack and give into cravings, I like to treat myself to something that's a bit more indulgent than what I usually eat but still low calorie to avoid binging.

I like to make chocolate banana "ice cream"! It's very simple and delicious and has the consistency of melted normal ice cream.

1 banana, frozen solid (105)
1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk (8)
2 teaspoons chocolate syrup (40)
Total: 153cal

Cut up the frozen banana into pieces manageable enough for your blender and throw it in with the almond milk to facilitate the process. Once it is smooth, blend in the chocolate syrup.

It tastes like melted chocolate ice cream (yum!). I'm considering freezing it for a bit afterwards to make it more of a normal ice cream consistency, however I haven't tried this yet.

Does anyone else have a binge prevention food?

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 29, 2017
Created: Mon May 29 06:14:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzy7m/weekly_stats_update_may_29_2017/
This is the weekly status thread for May 29, 2017.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 29, 2017
Created: Mon May 29 06:14:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzy6z/daily_food_diary_may_29_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 29, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] I'm sorry if this isn't the right place but I feel like I can trust you all
Created: Mon May 29 06:09:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzxe1/im_sorry_if_this_isnt_the_right_place_but_i_feel/
He broke up with me. The one man I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side. Fantasising about our wedding. Looking forward to his visits.

He says he loves me but doesn't want to be around me. It's all my fault. I'm a monster. I should just starve to death.

On mobile, can't flair.

[Discussion] What's the one good you cannot resist?
Created: Mon May 29 05:24:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzqsu/whats_the_one_good_you_cannot_resist/
mine is peanut butter. smooth, chunky, white choc mix, cookies 'n' creme blend...
once I consumed 1.14kg of peanut butter in one sitting - I was over 1% peanut butter.

[Other] Being at home --- dangerous, just sort of need to get all my feelings/plans out on one page [Other]
Created: Mon May 29 04:01:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dzg05/being_at_home_dangerous_just_sort_of_need_to_get/

[Rant/Rave] To those in Australia, Woolworths sells halo top again!
/u/waitupana [149cm | 14Male]
Created: Mon May 29 02:17:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dz3nc/to_those_in_australia_woolworths_sells_halo_top/
Link: https://www.woolworths.com.au/Shop/Search/Products?searchTerm=halo%20top&name=halo-top-birthday-cake-ice-cream&productId=576707

Some of you may have been waiting for this for some time. The flavours are somewhat limited, and the prices are fairly high. IGA sells them too.

I don't personally care for it but I thought I'd let you guys know.

[Discussion] DAE feel that this disorder is probably the most rebellious thing in your life
Created: Mon May 29 01:58:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dz1fz/dae_feel_that_this_disorder_is_probably_the_most/
I didn't party, sleep around or rebel real hard when I was a teen so I kinda feel like my ED is my own form of rebellion except idk this ED is kind of just taken its residence in my life now so fuck rebellion now lol

purge purgatory
Created: Mon May 29 01:53:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dz0vw/purge_purgatory/

[Rant/Rave] Peanut butter though..
Created: Mon May 29 01:45:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyzx3/peanut_butter_though/

[Discussion] What's the most disordered thing you've ever googled?
Created: Mon May 29 01:37:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyyw6/whats_the_most_disordered_thing_youve_ever_googled/
Because sometimes you look back at your search history and you kind of have to laugh at how blatantly crazy that shit is.

[Meme/Humor] Found this plate at a thrift store today... super interesting lol
/u/Jaaasss [5'3 | 105 | 19.1 | GW 98 | F19]
Created: Mon May 29 01:30:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyxxq/found_this_plate_at_a_thrift_store_today_super/

[Help] Stopping chewing & spitting
/u/RainyDayDaydream [5'6 | ?? | ?? | ?? | Lady]
Created: Mon May 29 00:51:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dysyn/stopping_chewing_spitting/
So, I replaced purging with a nasty chew and spit habit in December. I have not purged since, but now I C&S many times a day. I dont want to C&S anymore. I end up swallowing too much, my jaw hurts, my cheeks and lips are swollen, Im wasting money and Ive been finding there are sores in my cheeks too. It hurts.
But I dont know how to stop. The longest I went was like three days due to a canker sore under my tongue, which made eating too painful. Most likely the C&S is what caused it.

Any advice on how to stop? Im fucking addicted to this shit.

[Help] Spiraling
/u/Space-Punk [5'11" | 23.90 | -68.4lbs | M]
Created: Sun May 28 22:39:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dyads/spiraling/
I'm just so lost right now. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to post this because people have such bigger problems but I'm honestly going insane. I've posted here before about this same issue so I'm worried that I'm just becoming a broken record but I have no one to vent to outside of this group. Thinking about it now I realize that I'm actually down to zero friends.

I just can't handle how out of control I am. When this started for me it was 0 to 100 and I lost sixty pounds in like five months with no issues. I was staying under my goals with often but mild fuck ups that didn't seem to affect my progress.

And then it seemed like overnight I fell back out of the mindset, I lost something somewhere along the way and now it's been over three months without losing a pound despite still feeling horrible about myself. Telling myself again and again that I want and need to keep losing but I can't seem to make it happen anymore.

There's really no point to this post but I hate how I feel right now. Like a failure because I'm still fat, a failure because I can't get back on track no matter how hard I try. Every day I start confident and then before I know it I've eaten maintenance and ruined another chance.

It's so sick that I keep hoping for something to trigger me back into my old habits. I liked myself more when I was losing weight. It felt like even though I was still worthless I was at least putting in the effort to change. Now I'm just lazy too.

Maybe I'll go run all the food in my fridge down the garbage disposal in an act of defiance. -Sigh-

[Rant/Rave] I keep thinking that people will love me when I'm thin
Created: Sun May 28 21:54:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dy3mv/i_keep_thinking_that_people_will_love_me_when_im/

[Rant/Rave] why cant my body hold on as long as my mind can
/u/wowowaka [5'2 | 110 | 20 | -29 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 21:20:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxy90/why_cant_my_body_hold_on_as_long_as_my_mind_can/
i feel like mentally i could easily starve myself for a month. but my stupid weak body couldnt go 10 hours without food without almost fainting in front of a stove. it couldnt even recover soon enough when i tried to re-feed so i was forced to binge to even feel remotely fine and trick my parents. fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate this stupid body so much. i *still* dont feel fine because im so weak and pathetic. its been hours!!! just, get it together so i can do what i need to do!!!

[Rant/Rave] Not eating anything bc I'm too lazy to update MFP
Created: Sun May 28 20:57:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxup1/not_eating_anything_bc_im_too_lazy_to_update_mfp/
I'm so wishy washy and change my planned meals at least 5 times within the matter of an hour, it's insane. I decided to just skip lunch bc I already changed my log so many times and then cleared it so I can decide later. Later has come and I'm too lazy to even think about what to eat and bother logging it at this point. Whatever, it's probably what's best for me anyway

[Rant/Rave] I ate and drank and was merry
Created: Sun May 28 20:54:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxu6w/i_ate_and_drank_and_was_merry/
I was at my friend's pre marriage going away party/sendoff whatever and it was marvelous. I ate so much food and I drank wine til I was buzzed and felt that liquid courage and I didn't purge today and I don't want to.

This is what feeling normal is like?

I ate, drank, and was merry. I didn't purge tonight for the first time in 2 or 3 years.

[Discussion] Net Calories?
Created: Sun May 28 20:02:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxluf/net_calories/
How do you guys feel about net calories? Do you high restrict and work it off? Low restrict and think of burned calories as an unknown bonus?

I'm sitting here eating between 800-900 cal a day and trying to convince myself that it's ok. I unload trucks for a living and walk between 8-10 miles a day in m y warehouse. According to my fitbit, I'm burning upwards of 600 cal a day from that, 6 days a week. I'm feeling super anxious and wanting to lower my intake but I can't risk fainting while driving a forklift or something. But 900 feels like failure. Idk what to do, I'm devoting way too much brain power to this lol

Anyone here have any experience with weight loss at this type of intake/rate?

I really don't want to just post a question that pertains only to me, so any comments about net vs gross cals are welcome, I'd love to read a discussion about this from everyone. On mobile, so if someone could tag this as question or discussion, I'd really appreciate it!

[Rant/Rave] if i didnt drink
/u/101_honey [๐ŸŒผ5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sun May 28 20:01:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxlpu/if_i_didnt_drink/
i would be so much lighter. i can eat under my limit no problem but fucking alcohol ruins it every time

curse u booze!!!!

any tips for curbing the desire to drink? like i crave booze and the feeling it gives me so much ugh

why does booze have so many calories :'<

[Thinspo] shoulders/collarbones/arms
/u/101_honey [๐ŸŒผ5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sun May 28 19:45:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxizk/shoulderscollarbonesarms/

[Help] why can't i stop binging
Created: Sun May 28 19:12:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dxdkj/why_cant_i_stop_binging/

[Rant/Rave] Soda in public :( new fear
/u/DivingRightIn [72in | don't ask | don't tell | ~55.6 | UGW: 120lbs]
Created: Sun May 28 18:50:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx9u7/soda_in_public_new_fear/
Why?? I love getting Coke Zero when I'm out. Used to be only paranoid about a waiter pouring the wrong drink. Now I'm also paranoid that the machines are messing up and the Coke Zero button will pour out regular Coke.

Logically I know that's probably not going to happen but I'm still scared whhyyy

Looks like water from here on out :(

[Discussion] Are there any foods/food items you don't bother counting towards your total kcal intake for the day?
Created: Sun May 28 18:31:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx6pj/are_there_any_foodsfood_items_you_dont_bother/
Everyone's going to have different personal views here but I thought it might be an interesting topic for discussion.

I binged bad today
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 98lbs]
Created: Sun May 28 18:14:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx3rt/i_binged_bad_today/
This week my laptop broke, my eating has been all over the place, and I've been struggling really bad with body dysmorphia because of work. That fucking full length bathroom mirror can blow me.

My sleeping schedule is a disaster from working until 4am. Sundays are my designated "eat & rest" day, but today I took it way too fucking far. Stuck to keto friendly foods, but blew my carb limit out of the fucking water because I just could. Not. Stop. I haven't taken a shit in days, I'm still sleep deprived, and everything is fucked. My body is aching and my stomach is distended to ridiculous proportions.

The silver lining? I did not purge. I also killed it at work last night when two waitresses decided not to show up. I'm proud of myself for working hard, but so disappointed for binging today. I thought I was past that.

I guess I just need someone to tell me it's gonna be ok. I have some healthy foods I usually eat stocked for the week. I'm going to start using mfp again to make sure I'm in ketosis to shed some of this water weight as quickly as possible. I hate this feeling.

Hopefully the mega fuckton of food I ate today will finally force me to take a shit. Honestly that is the only reason I didn't purge. Something has got to budge.

I'm gonna drink a gallon of water and take a sleep inducing cocktail of vitamins and meds. I'm psychosis level of sleep deprived and clearly it has contributed to today's binge. Pray 4 me y'all.

[Help] Blood/Platelet donation question
Created: Sun May 28 17:57:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dx0xt/bloodplatelet_donation_question/
Hello all (on mobile so please tag if you can) I have a somewhat obvious question but also looking for personal experience if possible.

I have donated platelets in the past, and I find little to no problem as far as dizziness or fainting because I'm not actually losing whole blood in the process. I've never donated whole blood, although it's a muchhh shorter process, because I'm nervous about fainting.

I would like to donate whole blood but of course, I understand that eating at a deficit will obviously put me at risk of dizziness and fainting especially if donating blood. Has anyone here done whole blood donation? Is it common enough to feel badly afterwards that nobody seems suspicious? Should I just stick to platelet donation to be safe?

Thank you in advance for any advice or personal experience ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

[Other] Nothing will stop it
Created: Sun May 28 17:50:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwzty/nothing_will_stop_it/
Someone I love just got into an accident. From the second I found out, I went on a binge spree
Nothing is stopping it.
I don't care about how I look. I don't care about the money I waste. I don't care about anything.
My brain is off and I'm in autopilot. I'm just shoveling food into my mouth. Even now, as I type this, I'm shoving down a pork chop. Barely chewing. Just swallowing.
I can't even think of purging later.
I don't even feel guilty.

[Update 17:04: Just had full calorie coke after 5 years without it. I don't see the appeal but I did just drink 16 oz.]

[Update 17:06: Mashed potatoes are a fear food of mine. Meh. They're alright. No clue why anyone would want them. 1/2 cup]

[Update 17:07: This might as well be the 10k challenge because I already hit 2k]

[Update 17:17] Must be muscle memory. I started heaving when my stomach got full]

[Update 17:33] Why is filet mignon such a coveted cut of steak? It's so bland.

[Last Update 18:05] I got a call and the person is okay. I have purged but had to stop because my throat hurt. I feel bad.

[Rant/Rave] I miss loving someone
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 121 | 18.94 | 19F ๐ŸŒผ]
Created: Sun May 28 17:32:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwwrb/i_miss_loving_someone/
Food takes up all of my mind and my energy, and most of the time I'm sort of content with being single. But lately, I've been watching a lot of rom coms, and re-watching Love, Rosie, which is a really cute movie and one of my favorites. I just miss that feeling of being in love, and even though I hate being touched (because it feels like the other person is just feeling my fat rolls), I kinda miss cuddling. I'm just waiting to be content with my weight and reach my gw before even thinking about a boyfriend or sex, but I know that feeling of being satisfied with how my body looks will never happen. It would be so nice to not feel so alone sometimes.

[Discussion] dae have weird, unrealistic constructions of who they'll be at their GW?
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Sun May 28 17:10:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwt31/dae_have_weird_unrealistic_constructions_of_who/
It makes no logical sense, but I envision myself as someone completely different when I reach my GW.

You know that bloated, gross, post- binge feeling? Its the feeling that makes me unable to do anything, locks me into a stupor while my room gets messier, assignments pile up, and due dates loom. At my gw I'll be rid of that feeling forever. I'll be productive and on top of my shit.

I'd be able to hold down twenty projects at once and finally get good at the piano again. I'd be able to face the sun without feeling like other people's eyes are somehow amplifying how gross I am.

I imagine it as an extended version of that fasting+Monster zero mania, just crazy starved but somehow also an amazing feeling.

[Rant/Rave] Oh carbs, thy bless'd calories be my downfall
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 16:56:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwqh9/oh_carbs_thy_blessd_calories_be_my_downfall/
Ramadan Mubarak, guys!

I haven't been able to fast due to illness, but my mum has and unfortunately, I've been stuck in a binge rut since Friday. This means more processed high-cal stuff.

I only have three or four binge foods, but just half of one would probably be over half my intake. These include fizzy KA in black grape (a Jamaican soft drink), half a celebration cake, a bag of Chili Heatwave Doritos and some fancy bread.

On their own, this wouldn't be a problem - I'd portion it out to last me the week as a small treat after dinner and fill the hours between meals with boatloads of water and maybe, just maybe, I would be too tired to actually prepare these (portioning, logging etc).

But, like I said, I've been in binge mode and it's Ramadan. This means cooking for my mum because she's been working and fasting while I'm at home doing neither and I feel guilty.
Today, however, felt different. I awoke with a hunger for carbs and like the Predator itself, I zeroed in on some bread and thus began the descent into obesity.

Like I said earlier, I have my 'treats' after dinner and today I planned to have a portion of Doritos. I still had around two, or one really large, slice of cake left, so I told myself, 'hey, less today means more for tomorrow', so I cut and weighed my cake and happy with the calorie count, I enjoyed a slice of cake for lunch because that's something old-me would have done (most likely without the guilt of still being full from breakfast).

Then, guilty from unnecessary cake, I reached for the fancy loaf of bread. I tore off a small piece to try, and enjoying it, I grabbed the tub of butter and probably fulfilled my daily cholesterol intake. I told myself no, maybe tomorrow, and busied myself by making broth (a long and tedious job, but rewarding non the less).
But again, the bread beckoned me with soft whispers of loving caresses and again, I reached for the tub of butter, except I didn't tear off the corner, and instead tore off the whole beginning crust and probably enjoyed more butter than I would.

Hours later, my mum asked me to make this fried doughball thing since we usually make it at Ramadan.
The dough itself is pretty low cal, but it's the frying, you see. I messed up on the first batch but kept it for experimentation, and the second batch was almost perfect. I ate most of Plate 1 (the first batch) which was disappointing because they were undercooked in the middle and pretty oily, while Plate 2 (the second batch) were greasy but not golden enough. After my mistake of unnecessary calories, I craved my Doritos, like they would give my solace and help me learn from the errors of my ways.

Eyeing the KA in the fridge, left by my friend from out Friday night binge, I poured myself a glass, and meticulous as always, I weighed it just to be sure it was the 250ml I was logging, but alas, twas not. My heavenly respite leaving me with only had 50 calories left, I decided there was no way to fit in a reasonable serving of Doritos. What I planned to do was return the bag to the kitchen, but my fingers had other ideas. Two chips, I said, twenty chips, my fingers moved. Without my hands slowing, my mind raced to justify eating so many Doritos.

"Only two! Only two! You knew this would happen! From now on, only the broken chips!"
The broken chips eventually disappeared (and they weren't hidden by the full chips), and instead of putting the bag down like I promised myself, I crushed the chips myself.

All in all, being generous and low balling it, I'm roughly 800-1,000 calories over my planned intake.
Well fuck me, and fuck you processed foods.

has anyone been able to stop counting calories?
Created: Sun May 28 16:21:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwkck/has_anyone_been_able_to_stop_counting_calories/

[Other] Are there any other guys here?
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Sun May 28 15:49:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dwegn/are_there_any_other_guys_here/
I only see posts from girls on my front page, and am not sure if this community is relevant to me.

I currently [Chew and Spit](http://eating-disorders.org.uk/chewing-and-spitting-food/) and My final goal is a flat stomach, or as close to flat as possible. I'll be faster, and look better to others. Are there other guys here, what are your goals, and is it normal for us to be here?

[Goal] Updating your flair is so exciting, closer to my goal
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sun May 28 15:14:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dw7vk/updating_your_flair_is_so_exciting_closer_to_my/
It's small progress but I'm getting closer! I can't wait to feel thin and small and light :) I'm so excited!

[Discussion] what else are you a perfectionist about?
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 112 | BMI: 17.5 | GW: 110? | WL: 25 F]
Created: Sun May 28 15:06:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dw64d/what_else_are_you_a_perfectionist_about/
Before I started my obsession with losing weight, I was OBSESSED with drawing (art major in college), I had to be better than all of my peers and would constantly compare my art to theirs. I would never show it off but it was my secret thing to be better than everyone. I drew for 5-8 hours a day until I had wrist problems and now I don't really like drawing at all anymore, oops! Now I have to be the best at being thin. Atleast i'm self aware? haha

[Help] Does anyone have experience with exercise while fasting?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | Recovering | F]
Created: Sun May 28 14:40:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dw17i/does_anyone_have_experience_with_exercise_while/
I've never exercised on an empty stomach, but it's looking like dinner's going to be impossible tonight and my mom and I are planning to go on a run first thing tomorrow morning. I've only eaten probably ~200 calories *at most* today (honestly probably not even that much), and I don't think I'll be able to eat anything else, but I'm kinda worried about doing something as strenuous as a run (we usually go ~10k or more) on such little fuel.

My mom and I usually eat half a banana each before our morning runs, so that will be good for *something*, but is it enough? Would I be risking collapsing if I did run? Does anyone have any advice?

[Rant/Rave] I'm biggest I've ever been. The result of this is that I can't bring myself to even care about losing the weight anymore. I'm just watching myself get bigger.
/u/HappinessIsClose [5'9.5 | 157.5 | 22.9 | -4.2 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 13:08:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvjg4/im_biggest_ive_ever_been_the_result_of_this_is/
And then I binge more, because the euphoria while I'm eating is better than feeling the shame and guilt and emptiness of everyday.


[Rant/Rave] I binged and I drank and I didn't purge
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Sun May 28 13:03:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvift/i_binged_and_i_drank_and_i_didnt_purge/
And I hit a new adult LW. What the actual fuck, I hate this body that doesn't follow any rules.

I'm just going to take this as the universe thanking me for not purging, and that I'm probably dehydrated and I will gain it all back today. But damn, seeing that LW was crazy af.

[Rant/Rave] Just had an panic attack because of milk
Created: Sun May 28 12:58:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvhi5/just_had_an_panic_attack_because_of_milk/
So my dad just bought some milk, and as I went to have some in my tea, I saw that the packaging was similar to the low fat milk, except it wasn't called or marked as low fat anywhere. This immediately gave me a panic attack.
I, of course, went straight to google to figure things out, and after searching for about 5 minutes, I found out that what he had bought was, indeed, low fat milk. But for some strange reason they no longer brand it as low fat milk? But just regular milk, and the only difference within the two packagings is the color.

My panic attack may be over, but for some strange reason, the fact that they no longer call it low-fat milk, is really upsetting me

[Rant/Rave] Fucking kill me. (Binge after math)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun May 28 12:50:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dvfup/fucking_kill_me_binge_after_math/
On mobile so please Flair as rant/rave

To keep myself more accountable I added up everything I ate last night and this morning and calculated using the Loseit app on my phone and the numbers are disgusting me and making me feel really shitty. Some things I ate aren't in the database so I chose the highest calorie option so my numbers might not be accurate but here is what I have.

Last night
-vegan Philly sandwhich from work- 700
-Tater tots-600
-pancakes- 900
-low fat yogurt 300
-Mac and cheese- 400
-salted caramel ice cream- 600
Total: 3,500 calories

This morning:
-low fat yogurt- 300
-salted caramel ice cream- 600
-granola with milk- 400
-Mac and cheese- 400
Total: 1700 calories

I really want to purge but I know I would regret it and laxatives would make work really difficult today so I am forcing myself to fast the rest of the day and going to try fasting tomorrow too. I fast four and a half days before my binge last night and have no idea how much my last two binges have fucked me up. I could have put on at least two pounds plus whatever food and water weight
On my fast days I drank between 3 and 6 liters of water. I am going to try and fast to recover my body and take care of myself but I still feel awful though adding everything up and trying to find the logic and reason where there isn't much is fucking with my mind. The foods I ate didn't even taste good I remember shoving food in my face and swallowing but nothing about the food was remarkable. It wasn't tasty or pretty or good for me. It was garbage.

I will try to move on. This is a set back but I fast four days before my binge and now I know coming off of fasting I should look out for comfort easy foods.

Take care of yourselves lovelies, just try to move on from every set back. I guess I tell myself stupid things when I have cravings.

What you eat in private you wear in public
Fat last longer than flavor
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels
Most compulsive thoughts pass after 2 minutes



[Thinspo] girls of the moon ๐ŸŒ˜๐ŸŒ—๐ŸŒ–๐ŸŒ•๐ŸŒ”๐ŸŒ“๐ŸŒ’
/u/IwontTryAnotherName [5'6''| 125 |19.8 | -5| f]
Created: Sun May 28 12:06:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv78k/girls_of_the_moon/

[Other] What I'm drinking my cherry Coke Zero out of today... some of the advice on this cup I'm sure many of us already do
Created: Sun May 28 11:49:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv3rm/what_im_drinking_my_cherry_coke_zero_out_of_today/

[Rant/Rave] Taco Bell will be the death of me [Food Rant?]
Created: Sun May 28 11:44:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv2x0/taco_bell_will_be_the_death_of_me_food_rant/
(Mobile,can't flair. Sorry if this is...not supposed to go here..? Still new to reddit, I'm used to using the App Vent.)
I love it so much. It tastes amazing but that stuff is heart attck food. I wish there were healthy, low cal (I still count calories...) alternatives (people do the create your own thing at Chipotle, but we dont have a Chipotle where I live. Just Taco Bell and Taco Casa....it's a small town)
It pains me ;_;

[Thinspo] More drawings of proed thinspo :)
Created: Sun May 28 11:41:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv268/more_drawings_of_proed_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] Critical mother (rant)
Created: Sun May 28 11:40:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv1xw/critical_mother_rant/
Constantly making comments about my weight. Even if I tell her how well I'm doing, how I've restricted calories or jogged a few miles, there's always something negative to say. 'so you logged calories, but did you do X or Y?'

'you probably do have diabetes'

'go upstairs and get me this. You need the excersise. '

' you're not allowed to eat bread though! '

' so you start at 6.30am, you could jog before that, right? '

' you're feeling unwell? It's all that crap you've been eating. '

' I bet you and your boyfriend feed each other and egg each other on to see how much you can eat. '

Shit makes me want to purge every time, but I smile and take it. Inside I am dying.

[Thinspo] Has living with this made you obsessed with other girls habits too?
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sun May 28 11:39:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dv1sl/has_living_with_this_made_you_obsessed_with_other/
I don't mean celeb thinspo or famous people. Who I obviously obsess over. I mean anyone female in your daily life. I have a weird habit of assessing how thin everyone is, and then monitoring their habits to try to understand why and how they are thin.

For example in my college class, there was a girl a bit taller than me and she had tiny legs. I used to purposely sit near her and watch everything she ate/drank. Not in a creepy way, it's just something I can't stop doing, and I obsess over it way more because these people are real and they're right in front of me.

I also went to an all girls school. Spent most of the time wondering how most of them were thin and what they were doing to maintain it.

Idk if this makes sense, maybe I'm crazy.

[Rant/Rave] disordered eating is controlling my life
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Sun May 28 11:22:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6duyep/disordered_eating_is_controlling_my_life/
i guess this is a rant more than anything, but i really need to share my thoughts/feelings and i feel like a lot of you might relate.

i just feel so desperate and overwhelmed by the anxiety, distraction, and shit self-esteem that's part of disordered eating and unhealthy relationships with food. counting calories and worrying about going over my limit (which i have been regularly for the past few weeks) is totally controlling my life. it's totally distracting me from the people i love and care about and the things i enjoy. i went to a club last night and spent the entire time obsessing over how much i had already eaten (and hating that i'd eaten something unhealthy earlier even though it was really good), how many calories were in the alcohol i was drinking, and comparing my body to every other girls' there. most of the time that i was dancing, i was telling myself to jump around more and burn more calories. i despise this mindset, the anxiety and constant obsessing over calories and body image.

restricting my eating feels like a way of gaining control, but whenever i can't entirely restrict (or don't want to, because wtf sometimes you just wanna drink a milkshake!) it leaves me anxious and feeling like shit. i'm constantly on my phone, looking up calorie values or calculating how much i've eaten and subtracting exercise from that. i'm not controlling my disordered eating, it's controlling my life. i know that others might feel the same way. i just need to share because i feel v shitty this morning ha

[Intro] Lurker saying hello!
/u/missalignedinthemind [5'5" | CW: ๐Ÿท๐Ÿ„ |-38.6lbs | F ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ]
Created: Sun May 28 10:16:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dulk9/lurker_saying_hello/
I'm mobile, could someone please flair this as an introduction? (or is it a rant?) Thanks! ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

My relationship with food has been messed up for as long as I can remember. I fall into the seriously morbidly obese catagory (5'5" SW: 270.2lbs CW: 238lbs). I have a limited amount of time to lose weight for health reasons, that time limit plus my own obsessive tendency has put me in a pattern of near fasting/restriction followed by periods of somewhat binging. I know the people around me do notice that I'm either not eating or hiding in my pantry stuffing my fat fucking face, but somehow it's viewed as acceptable because I am so heavy..

This sucks. But I have no interest in stopping or seeking help. Logically I know that's messed up. Why can't I just eat when I'm hungry n stop when I'm full?!

[Help] What do normal people even eat?
Created: Sun May 28 09:59:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dui66/what_do_normal_people_even_eat/
I just want to be normal, I don't want to think about food in such a methodical way. If I were to eat lunch like a normal person that's not trying to lose weight, has never had issues with their weight before, isn't obsessing about eating super clean and healthy, and thinks about food normally, what would I even eat? A sandwich? Leftovers from dinner? But what was dinner? Pasta? Idk! Do normal people cook for themselves every night for dinner? I'm a student, I don't have the time. And meal prepping just never goes well. I either end up throwing it all away or eating it all within a few days.

I just don't even know the first steps I should take to recovering. I don't want to lose weight like this anymore. I want to eat at a healthy deficit and lose the weight and be done with it. It doesn't seem like it in my head, but I know it'll end up being quicker than my stellar method of fasting for two days then binging for two weeks, then wanting to die so I fast again.

Ugh I'm sorry, I've been thinking about this for weeks and I just kinda threw up everything on my keyboard. Hope everyone's having a good weekend :)

[Rant/Rave] Odd sign of progress...
Created: Sun May 28 09:42:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6duezb/odd_sign_of_progress/
The airbags in my SO's car don't activate for me anymore because it doesn't detect enough weight on the seat...

[Rant/Rave] 15 minutes...that's all it took. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun May 28 09:18:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6duagk/15_minutesthats_all_it_took_i_dont_know_whether/
On mobile flair as rant/rave

I woke up early after not sleeping much and my stupid fucking brain decided that the kitchen was the first place to go. I had ice cream, a hand full of granola and two bites of Mac and cheese before to sing the granola and putting the mac and cheese away. I stopped when it got to 8am because I always end binges at the top of the next hour or I obsessively try to stop myself. I know it was 15 minutes of mindless eating but I was able to stop myself but I still feel ashamed and awful.

I am fasting and restricting the next few days. Fasting the rest of today and then restricting or going to try to. I just am fucking mad at myself. Fuck. Just Fuck. This is why I am fucking fat..

[Tip] If any of you have a Bi-Lo grocery store nearby, Halo Top is BOGO through the 30th
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | fuuuuck | F]
Created: Sun May 28 09:01:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du7cl/if_any_of_you_have_a_bilo_grocery_store_nearby/
And I may or may not have bought 12 pints of the Birthday Cake flavor. And plan on buying even more when they restock.

Also, if you sign up for Bi-Lo's Plenti program, you get a coupon for a free pint of Halo Top. Or at least that's what I got, not sure if everyone gets the same coupon or not.

[Goal] ~*no periods anymore*~
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 97lbs | recovery, for now | โœจ]
Created: Sun May 28 08:47:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du4zj/no_periods_anymore/
I'm absolutely not pregnant and haven't gotten my period because of the restriction and I feel amazing about that. For some reason that has always been a goal.

Yesterday I ate half a piece of pizza and immediately got "the feeling" when you start your period but it wasn't blood, just I guess clear stuff? But it irritated me because it happened literally 15 seconds after I took the first bite, so I know it's because of the restriction. I'm celebrating this anyway.

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo
Created: Sun May 28 08:47:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du4vs/daily_thinspo/

[Intro] Over due introduction
Created: Sun May 28 08:38:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6du3gi/over_due_introduction/
(On mobile, can't flair. What would you flair this as anyway?)
I'm a huge long time lurker. Never introduced myself because I never felt...valid enough?....Haha, what am I supposed to say?
Well, I have anorexia, um..I love how positive this subreddit is? All the other websites are always like "Worship ana or you'll never lose weight!" and I just...am SO happy this place isn't like that?
Forgive me if this is random. I'm nervous....haha (anxiety isnt fun)

[Help] In the last 14 days, I lost 11 pounds. How much of that is water weight?
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Sun May 28 08:01:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtxch/in_the_last_14_days_i_lost_11_pounds_how_much_of/
So, for the last 14 days, I have been working out three or four times a week (burning around 300 calories each time I worked out), eating at or under 600 calories, or just straight up water fasting (edit: forgot to mention, I drink around 2 liters of water a day). I lost 11 pounds this way.

I know some of the weight I lost was water weight, but exactly how much? Is there a way to figure it out? I want to keep losing weight this way because it's pretty effective and not too draining on me physically.

[Help] I feel so disgusting
Created: Sun May 28 07:40:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dttz4/i_feel_so_disgusting/

[Rant/Rave] Went to the Doctor. Was given Vyvanase. Told my husband about my BED.
/u/What_u_callme [5'7" | 135lbs|21.3|-50lbs|F|29yrs]
Created: Sun May 28 07:39:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtts5/went_to_the_doctor_was_given_vyvanase_told_my/
On Monday I went to my GP, broke down and told him everything - anxiety, self harm, suicide, binging etc. He was the first person who has ever acknowledged me saying I binge. My psychiatrist and therapist both seem to have assumed I meant "sometimes I over eat" likely because of my size. He asked me "when did this start" and I told him I remember in summer 2013 I ate a whole watermelon in 1 sitting. After that he seriously asked me a ton of questions, had me fill out a form, read a packet, and explain what it all is. Then he gave my Vyvanase and urged me to tell my husband what's going on. I chose to only tell him about my binging.

True to everyone else in my life, he told me 'yeah, my diet sucks too.' Yes. Yes that's exactly what eating 7000 calories in 2 hours is. A bad diet.

So to everyone here who just has **a bad diet** I salute you.

Created: Sun May 28 07:27:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dts0m/ive_just_discovered_a_pop_tart_serving_size_is/

[Rant/Rave] Feel like smoking and flob skin
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Sun May 28 06:50:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtmmm/feel_like_smoking_and_flob_skin/
Ahhh. I don't have coffee left and I'm fasting (the first time I'm allowing myself to have coffe next to water and tea.)

The thing is, I want to smoke and drink so badly... I'm really craving cigarettes like crazy. Since yesterday. Not a short little craving, no. Hours of cigarette cravings.

I'm really considering buying tobacco... but I'm vain and fear getting all wrinkly and dried out (even though I look much younger than I am. now.) I love that I actually had a lot more energy than before and better respiration.
Then again I tell myself that it's a sign. That I'm just not ready and actually still want to smoke.
I mean, I smoked for 15years.
And what is worse? Food binges or cigarettes?
I will see if I can restrict myself when I'll walk by the tobacconist.

In about two weeks I will be in a City again. At the moment I am at this off-grid rural place that I love, but as I am mostly writing I don't move that much anymore.
So my weight is going down, but I feel that I'm mostly losing from the hips up. If I continue losing like this, I might be under 50 in about a week, but I want it to be my butt and legs. They are thinner but still like fatty - I really need some toning.
I want to wear short stuff and not feel uncomfortable about this weird looking flob skin. I used to dance a lot before (party a lot) and my legs looked a lot better at the same weight. But now I'm just not happy with their looks.

I am too lazy to exercise though here. I'll continue my trip with a huge backpack, it will surely help burn calories.
So when I'll be in the city I will walk about 30000-35000 steps a day, as I always do, for about 3weeks. Even though I will be eating more. I'll try to stay maintenance with at least two weekly fasts (I fast intermittently). This might help get my legs back on track.

[Rant/Rave] I can't stop thinking about how out of control I got yesterday :( Summer is hard, y'all
Created: Sun May 28 06:35:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtkqs/i_cant_stop_thinking_about_how_out_of_control_i/
So my super hot sister came back from college to live with me for the summer and I can't stop comparing myself to her and noticing all of the attention she's getting from my friends/bf's friends. I know that sounds so shallow of me, but one of my huge insecurities is that I've always been the fat girl, and she's actually perfect. She also made a comment about how ever since we were kids I've struggled with my weight and obsessed over food - because my dumb, self loathing ass said several terrible things about myself without remembering normal people don't hate themselves and openly talk about it so much. I tried to laugh it off and was like haha yeah I probably have some kind of disorder... and she just gave me the most pitying look and started Pinteresting weird diet plans when the truth is I'd rather just restrict and eat nothing at all. That's how I lost my first 30 lbs and that's probably how I'll lose the next 30, but you can't really tell anyone that.

Anyway. We went to the store and spent like $50 on produce and healthy food and i already felt myself spiraling towards binge mode, like getting triggered from picking out fucking bananas. She got home and made sweet potato fries and ate two and I ate the rest. Then I made kale chips for the first time and literally made four more cookie sheets full of kale and ate all of it. Somewhere during all of this she went to her room and I made rice and beans for my kid and a salad for myself and ended up eating all of that too. I realized once I laid down, uncomfortably full but still ravenous, that I was in the kitchen for HOURS just cooking and eating and every time my sister came out I know she just saw me eating and eating and I know how guilty and out of control I looked and it sucks because this just reinforces/confirms that I'm her fat sloppy big sister with weird eating habits. I wanted to purge so badly - thought about doing it in my closet where she wouldn't hear cuz I HAVE to purge after a binge, but ended up crying myself to sleep and my mind was fucking racing and thinking about what else to eat.

I guess what I keep thinking about is that I could easily just have restricted all day. And not have put one bite in my mouth. BUT just one bite of objectively healthy food totally broke my self control and made me a slave to the kitchen, all day. I absolutely feel as disgusting as if I binged at a buffet. Sorry this turned out so long, im just so discouraged and depressed and I love my sister but her being here is fucking everything up. I would almost rather have her just see me eat nothing at all like I'm used to, than have to pretend I have healthy habits and lost all my weight so far by dieting.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 28, 2017
Created: Sun May 28 06:11:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dthir/daily_food_diary_may_28_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 28, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun May 28 06:10:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dthdg/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Rant/Rave] I actually felt BETTER about myself after seeing a vid of me????
/u/laciiou [F | 5'2" | cw: 133 | gw: 115 | bmi: 24.33]
Created: Sun May 28 05:31:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dtc9n/i_actually_felt_better_about_myself_after_seeing/
So this is my first actual post here after lurking/occasionally commenting. Hi. :)

Anyway, after a few weeks of feeling like my progress has come to a complete standstill, I got an unexpected pick-me-up today.
One of my best friends showed me a snap video he'd taken of me around my birthday (early February) and I realized that my face is SO much thinner now.
At first I had the usual reaction of "ew my face looks so fat" until I realized that I don't even look like that anymore. :)
It made me feel a whole lot better about where I am now.

Idk I had to share this with you guys. โค๏ธ

[Rant/Rave] I am at a loss. I feel tired and just want to give up on life
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" | 180lbs | too much | 0 | Male]
Created: Sun May 28 04:13:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dt3of/i_am_at_a_loss_i_feel_tired_and_just_want_to_give/
On mobile please flair as rant/rave.

I was in residential treatment this last year and stepped down to out patient at the end of the year. I dropped out of school and quit my job as a expo/dishwasher to go into treatment then go back into the service industry when I wad done with treatment. I never really recovered because I didn't feel sick enough. I am a biological male with an eating disorder. I've been anorexic and bulimic for over ten years now and treatment and therapy and meds haven't helped. I deal with bipolar, anxiety and ptsd as well so I have a lot on my plate ( pun intended). Since January I gave worked in to other kitchens as a cook. I adore cooking but some days it's rough. I refuse to eat at work and always lie about eating before or bringing my own lunch on my long mandated break. I usually just sit outside and drink water or coffee. I feel triggered being in a kitchen and a restaurant. I don't hate fat people or people who are heavier but I see myself on their bodies and become disgusted. I imagine that it's me even if it isnt. It's fucked up. I like cooking for people even though I don't like to eat what I make. Sometimes I feel like I want to fatten other people up but then I also feel contempt for people who can eat normally. I have fallen into a binge and restrict and purge pattern the last month or so. I binged for a week straight then purged then restricted. I try to restrict on my work days cause having food in my system makes me feel slow and heavy. I feel like I am constantly judged by my coworkers because I am still new and also being I am not rail thin like a lot of them. I keep restricting and calculating when I can reach my goal and it seems so far and also I feel like when I restrict I will eventually binge and be back to square one. I put on 15 pounds in treatment because I was forced to eat 6 snacks/meals a day and not allowed to exercise or purge. Since then I have lost 10 pounds or so but still a good 50 pounds from my goal and I feel like I need to make my goal by the end of the year or by October. I want to lose twenty pounds by July 15 but know that's really unrealistic. I don't sleep I constantly think about food but also clothes and how I wish I could be smaller, thinner, more fragile. I guess my ideas of beauty for myself aren't the most masculine but I don't really identify ad masculine or feminine. I use nonbinary pronouns and dress pretty unisex/androgynous I guess I feel like if I was thinner I could look more androgynous. Also with so much wrong in my life my ED is all I have the little control I have. I just am tired. Tired of feeling irritable and shitty I want to be able to eat and not having it be a fucking episode of fear factor or some bullshit I want to be one of those people who eats a few bites and feels satisfied instead I binge and harem self then punch drink a fuck ton of water purge more and harm myself. I can barely even taste food or appreciate it anymore it is my drug not my nourishment. I binged when I got home from work after fasting for four days and the scale not budging I gave in. I ate a sandwhich and tots from work, a bowl of Mac and cheese, two pancakes with syrup, a small bowl of ice cream, a couple crackers and some yogurt and I felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't purge because people wear home so here I sit. It's 3 in the morning I'm in moderate abdominal pain. I work in 11 hours and am going to "wake up in four or five to go walk around town to try and fix some of my damage I've cause and might try to purge but it might be too late. I might try to fast again. I don't really know.

Thank you to anyone who read this, my heart goes out to all of you lovely beautiful souls,


[Discussion] Good soup recipes?
/u/cocionut [168cm/5'6 | 52.8kg | 18.7 | 14.4kg | ?]
Created: Sun May 28 03:39:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dt004/good_soup_recipes/
I've gotten into the habit of making brothโ€”based soups with fun seasoning and a bit of veg and meat substitute. Does anyone have any good recipes?

My favorite is cumin, ginger, chicken broth and quorn chicken bites. It tastes very strange, but still really awesome.

[Rant/Rave] Something is wrong with me and i don't know what it is and it's pissing me off
Created: Sun May 28 03:18:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dsxsb/something_is_wrong_with_me_and_i_dont_know_what/

[Rant/Rave] 3 Ballerina
/u/Uppity-Kitten [5'2" | CW: 72kg |BMI30| GW50kg | 20F]
Created: Sun May 28 02:34:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dst90/3_ballerina/
So, I bought some 3 Ballerina Tea. I'm very excited to try it. It'll be good to feel on top of things again. I only plan to use it when I'm constipated, because I've seen a lot of people react differently to it.
If anyone has any thoughts or advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you!

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I went out to dinner with friends and I hate myself for it.
/u/Lets_leave_theparty [5'9 | CW: 185 | 27.3 | GW: 140 | 20F]
Created: Sun May 28 00:15:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dse3k/rant_i_went_out_to_dinner_with_friends_and_i_hate/
Long time lurker, first time posting. I don't know how to flair and it's just making me even more upset at myself than I already am, so sorry if this turns out to be super long.

So some friends came to visit near my college town (from ~7 hours away) to do touristy stuff. They asked if I wanted to grab dinner with them tonight to catch up. They were already super close to my appartment so I panicked and said yes. I've missed them so much and absolutely wanted to see them so I couldn't cancel. I was hoping I could get away with not eating since I already met my calorie limit for the day. I just came off of an amazing fast, too, and I'm starting ABC on Monday. I ordered a veggie pizza this morning that I was planning to split between today and tomorrow so that I would be at exactly 1200 cal each day. Which is A LOT for me as it is, and I already felt guilty about it. But I was feeling cravings and gave in and binged, figuring it would be ok since that's technically how many calories MFP says I should be getting in a day. But now going to dinner with my friends, I AM 685 CALORIES OVER AND I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE TRASH. Thats like 3 days worth of food for me and I just had it in one day. We ended up going to get pizza (just my luck, more pizza!) and there was no way to get away with not ordering/not eating without making it obvious since they remember me as a huge over eater back in high school and being a lot bigger.

I just feel so gross and sluggish and I am so mad at myself for caving TWICE in one day. I almost don't want to do ABC on Monday and just fast for a few days, but I know that will slow my metabolism and make it harder to lose all the weight I'll surley put on from today. Ugh why do I have to be like this?

Edit: Learned to flair & spelling

[Rant/Rave] Fasting for the first time!! 3 days in with no cravings...
/u/Scooter_Boots [5'4.5" | CW Magnificent Land Whale | GW 115 | 27F]
Created: Sat May 27 23:03:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ds595/fasting_for_the_first_time_3_days_in_with_no/
...and it's because my boyfriend cheated on me. I'm so broken I cannot bring myself to eat. Intermittent fasting is good. Heartbreak fasting is not.

[Rant/Rave] [rave] :)
Created: Sat May 27 22:44:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ds2t9/rave/
I haven't pooped in days.

I can feel it in my lower intestine. I can poop tomorrow!! This means I get to know exactly what I weigh again. #getitout

[Thinspo] Surprise thinspo from horror movie May
/u/Para-Medic [5'1' | too much | too much |0 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 22:24:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ds036/surprise_thinspo_from_horror_movie_may/

[Rant/Rave] Lost 20 lbs since April 8th!!
Created: Sat May 27 22:17:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drz6p/lost_20_lbs_since_april_8th/

[Help] Purging while on antibiotics?
Created: Sat May 27 22:15:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dryu5/purging_while_on_antibiotics/

[Discussion] Survivalist/off grid lifestyle (Without ED)?
/u/salviaplath_13 [5'1 | CW: 106 | 20.8 | GW: ??? | F]
Created: Sat May 27 22:05:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drxbq/survivalistoff_grid_lifestyle_without_ed/
Any fans of the show Life Below Zero on Nat Geo/netflix? I love it! I often fantasize about living that lifestyle of subsistence/survivalism. Where I'm constantly exercising to survive and find my own food and I just eat really basic things like berries or caribou, lol. I imagine living in a cabin with a hunky outdoorsy guy and we're both super ripped from chopping wood and building canoes or whatever. I never have to worry about too many calories, only about not getting enough for my energy needs. I would look like shit from no skincare products, but at least I'd be effortlessly thin and toned.

[Thinspo] Unexpected thinspo
Created: Sat May 27 21:53:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drvmg/unexpected_thinspo/
I'm watching Fifty Shades Darker to pass the time while I start my fast lmao and Ana is so thinnnnn. Ugh.
It's pretty hilarious what your ED makes you pay attention to during sex scenes ๐Ÿ˜‚

Sorry for no flair - on the app

[Rant/Rave] Fiancรฉ has a type and it's not me
Created: Sat May 27 21:32:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drstk/fiancรฉ_has_a_type_and_its_not_me/
I feel broken.

For a little background, I've been in "recovery" for almost a year now, with no purging, extreme restricting of destructive binges. Body image isn't always easy but I've taken it one day at a time and I was feeling like I was slowly gaining control. Thoughts of "how could my boyfriend love me like this" or "I know he'd prefer someone thinner and prettier" plagued me from the beginning but now, within the context of our relationship, I was finally at peace. Until 2 nights ago. I'll try not to bore anyone with the details but an accidental discovery of some porn and a stupid argument about a rough patch we had over a year ago confirmed that he definitely has a type. A thin, small type. That I am definitely not. The kicker? I'm pregnant. I'm not getting bigger yet but will be very soon.

I know that for most people, this seems like a nonissue. I cannot get over it. I feel sick every time he touches me, knowing that I'm not really what he wants. He kisses me and all I can think of is images of women I'd rather be and that he'd rather have. I get turned on and start thinking about sex with him, instead of feeling excited and in love, I feel shame, embarrassment, disgust. I'm afraid I'll never be able to be intimate with him again, over something that should be taken in stride. I've never felt less desirable in my life. I feel like have no control over these thoughts and feelings.

Not sure why I'm here posting this after almost a year away. Maybe for advice from someone who's been there. Reassurance that I'm not totally losing my sanity. Anything really. :(

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I found the BEST halo top combo milkshake...
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134.4 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 21:28:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drs78/rave_i_found_the_best_halo_top_combo_milkshake/
At least I think so.

I used;

โ€ข1/2 pint Chocolate Halo Top (120 cal)
โ€ขone scoop of the chocolate peanut butter body fortress whey powder (200 cal)
โ€ข200ml of unsweetened almond milk (24 cal) to make a super thick chocolate milkshake with a crap ton of protein. I'm still so full from it and I made it over 5 hours ago!

I might try half a scoop of powder next time to knock down the calories and even out the flavor but damn it was good. It came out to about 340 cal total, but that's all I even wanted to have today lol.

[Help] How many calories in a bottle of Rosรฉ?
/u/RetailSlaveNo1 [5'2 | NB | SW: 190lb | CW: 140.1lb | GW: 85lb]
Created: Sat May 27 21:22:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drrbi/how_many_calories_in_a_bottle_of_rosรฉ/

[Rant/Rave] i have made a mistake
/u/101_honey [๐ŸŒผ5'1.5" / cw-2fat // wl-n/a (yet) // bmi-29 // gw-101]
Created: Sat May 27 20:39:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drkue/i_have_made_a_mistake/
i don't wanna go home. i don't wanna go home at all.

i told my mom abt my b/p thing and some other things and now i'm so fucking anxious about being at home for three months. i'm only going home for my bf and a rlly well paying job and my dogs but fuck i regret telling her all this shit.

like i decided to stop the b/p nonsense because im not even fucking losing weight im just ruining my teeth and like she asked why my grades were bad and i was all stupid and depressed and anxious and puking a shit ton and like fuck i couldnt think of a lie and i told her

now all summer shes gonna be keeping an eye on me and like.

i hurt myself and i i had scars and she called me out so shes gonna look for that shit too (i wont do it again i told myself i wont) and i lied about them (CONCRETE STAIRS MAM)

and im gonna do a halfmara and she nagged me about it all vaycay

i feel like a cornered animal, all wild eyed and heartbeats.

i cant stand someone telling me what to do or watching my every move

i know she means well but i need space and im not even home yet and i feel so fucking trapped

Low cal, high density snacks?
/u/_linstroq [5'7|CW:126|BMI:19|GW:99]
Created: Sat May 27 19:49:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6drcys/low_cal_high_density_snacks/
edit: meant low cal high volume

When I watch movies I looooooove to snack on food, but i don't want to go over my calories so i can't. i like air popped popcorn but i want something that tastes like junk food. i know that's a bit of a stretch but hopefully someone has a recipe! also, vegan please.

[Help] Where do you get meal ideas?
/u/KissMySlitWrist [Moo]
Created: Sat May 27 19:30:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dra1a/where_do_you_get_meal_ideas/
I find a lot of recipe subs don't fit my calorie count, everything on Facebook is fried in butter and covered in cheese, and Google is good when I already have an idea in mind. I am making myself crazy because I don't know what to make. My wandering around the grocery store and whining I can't find food is really pissing my partner off too. =/

Favorite sites, subs, anything? I'd prefer calorie counts but I can figure that out myself if needed (yay mental calorie calculator).

[Discussion] I've never found purging to be addictive
Created: Sat May 27 19:17:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dr7zl/ive_never_found_purging_to_be_addictive/

[Rant/Rave] First day of ramadan, just had dinner (ftour) with my family
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Sat May 27 19:06:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dr6ao/first_day_of_ramadan_just_had_dinner_ftour_with/
We already had a fight about why I was just eating the lettuce from the salad instead of any of the soup or the other meals on the table.

This is gonna be a fun month.

[Rant/Rave] Back in a restricting catch
/u/ilikereadingyourstuf [F: 5'2 | CW 172 | Hi 200 | Lo 120]
Created: Sat May 27 19:02:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dr5lx/back_in_a_restricting_catch/
Just blabbin about my current situation..

I am back in a catch of no more than 500 calories a day. It just seems like FIVE HHHUUINNDDRREDDD is so much.

I don't have some big appetite right now, and actually get a high from not eating.

I have my ice cold sugar free tea, my hot coffee, and yeah, a daily vitamin. So, Im fine. Oh, and today I had my pre-measured meal of baked salmon with spinach and carrots 310 calories. (I Cook huge meals for the. Fam, and make side meals for me, measuring out every gram of everything) I have numbers on the containers to tell me what is in each meal so i can see the calories and macro breakdowns.

But Five Huuunnddrreddd just seems so huge!

Remind me of this when I'm on the binge side.

need strategies
Created: Sat May 27 17:45:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqsvx/need_strategies/

[Rant/Rave] Hahahahaha kill me hahahaha
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 118 | 17.75 | 32lbs]
Created: Sat May 27 17:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqpvj/hahahahaha_kill_me_hahahaha/

[Rant/Rave] i hate not having control over my feelings
Created: Sat May 27 16:11:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqcsa/i_hate_not_having_control_over_my_feelings/
i hate myself no one cares about me everyone just talks with me about others
like i have this boy who i know for a long time and i had a crush on me and i don't have a crush on him anymore but .. you know what i mean
so he came to talk to me after a shit load of time and he just told me hey did you hear about this girl.. i haven't heard from her
and i was like i wonder what it feels like to be missed

[Rant/Rave] Hiding fat behind clothes
/u/fatty937 [16M, ~50 lbs down]
Created: Sat May 27 16:08:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqc4n/hiding_fat_behind_clothes/
I'm healthy (~22 BMI) but have a stomach bulge I want gone, [I'm like the 2nd/3rd one](http://imgur.com/a/lY3a5) but I need it flat.

I can probably hide it using a hoodie but its really really hot right now, and if I wear a t-shirt its noticeable.

[Discussion] Which makes starving yourself easier?
Created: Sat May 27 16:06:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqbt7/which_makes_starving_yourself_easier/

[Rant/Rave] freakin alcohol calories
/u/library-cat [5'6"| 137 | 22.2 | GW??? | 21F]
Created: Sat May 27 16:05:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dqbp2/freakin_alcohol_calories/
I can control myself all day around food (I work in a little cafe, so I find myself turning down a lot) but then I get home and I can't NOT drink that gin and tonic or beer or whatever. gah. I try not to smoke anymore so drinking is my one vice but it's like my brain can't decide between having a drinking problem and an eating disorder lol ugh

how much would I weigh if I didn't drink? it's depressing to think about

[Intro] Hello back!
/u/MetBloedBesmeurd [161 cm | CW 57 kg | BMI 22 | -0 kg | GW 48 kg | F]
Created: Sat May 27 15:44:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dq7vg/hello_back/
About half a year ago I left this place out of shame, but from today on I'm back! I binged way too much and gained an impressive 15 kg in that time. Somehow tho I finally kinda got the binging back under control and I'm back with you guys on my journey to get skinnyfit. This sub is the only one that seems to get me and my sick mind.

As probably no one got any idea who I am, I'm gonna shortly introduce myself. Be me, university student studying an amazing STEM field that I love, drinking all the beer (cutting down on that, but I love me some alcohol). Doing pretty great actually, even managed to find an amazing guy, he's also one of the reasons I'm back here, not that he has any negative comments on my weight actually, I'm just posting on here again instead of cutting to get all this stuff out (now or in the future). The other is that I just really like the like mindedness you guys provide.

So here I am a disgusting 57 KG (even tho I feel like I look slimmer than the last time I weighed this much) exercising at least 3 to 4 times a week, yay and on a 1000-1200 kcal diet again to beat the binge. Guys wish me luck and nice to meet again!

[Rant/Rave] Lately I've been toeing the "Purge" line...
/u/MidnightBlueFox [5'5 | CW: 140lbs | BMI: 23 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 27 15:42:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dq7fh/lately_ive_been_toeing_the_purge_line/
Possible trigger warning?
I've *slowly* lost weight but have been fluctuating between 135-140 and am having a hard time getting under. Every time I binge I think about all the calories just sitting like a hard rock in my stomach. I look at the clock and I know what I can do...atleast if I can work up enough courage in the next hour or so. But I can't. I've never purged before. I usually hate throwing up. But lately, I can't control my binging. Restricting isn't enough. Sticking my finger down my throat seems like a perfect solution. But I'm scared. And so so so disappointed in myself.

[Rant/Rave] personal shit
Created: Sat May 27 14:13:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpr0b/personal_shit/
SO I got to see my psych after like months of not seeing him (I only see him like once/month and don't pay because I don't make enough so the free clinic covers me which I'm grateful for but yeah that means not very often visits)

ANYWAY I told him I wasn't sleeping well, my purging is a daily thing, I'm just fatigued and feel down/depressed and etc.

-I got put on Pristiq and Wellbutrin.

-I feel kind of fed up with myself because here I am going into a rigorous field (physically and mentally) of nursing and I'm too fucking weak that I get dizzy, my bones are creaking, I can't retain food cuz I'm a dumbass, Im depriving my brain of knowledge because brain fog and did I mention my weak upper body strength??
-I'm just real fed up at this point @ my weak dumbassery self.

[Other] (doodle) and you say it doesn't control you
Created: Sat May 27 14:08:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpq8s/doodle_and_you_say_it_doesnt_control_you/

[Rant/Rave] Just ridiculous ED thoughts: "Have trace calories been adding up my whole life? How much would I weigh if I didn't drink diet soda?"
/u/Dr0pDex [172cm | 45.3kg | 15.04]
Created: Sat May 27 13:53:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpnai/just_ridiculous_ed_thoughts_have_trace_calories/
All the Coke Zero, zero-calorie Monster, Crystal Light, etc...might be labeled as 0, but they can have like, as many as 8 calories in a big bottle (if it's listed as 2 servings). And I've drank a lot of it over the years.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like this is a downward spiral of thinking. I need to find things to occupy my time so I'm not alone with my thoughts.

What if I didn't drink diet soda? What if I didn't go to that birthday party when I was six? What if I had refused to latch onto my mom's boob as a baby? Lol how skinny would I be?

[Rant/Rave] I just found out I cheated on my boyfriend and all I can do is think about fixing my body to make up for it [rant]
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 140 | 23.7 | -34 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 13:32:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpje2/i_just_found_out_i_cheated_on_my_boyfriend_and/
My friend told me last night that a few weeks ago I made out with some random guy when we were at a concert- I was super drunk and have absolutely no memory of it, but I am devastated and disgusted with myself and it has ignited a fir in me to either starve myself as punishment or so that my body is better when we reunite next week (can't figure out which). Ugh I just hate the control part of ED- it feels so clichรฉ. The more I hate myself the deeper I get into my disorder. Fml

[Rant/Rave] Always thought I couldn't purge, turns out I can
/u/absolute___zero [5'5 | CW 152 | GW 120 | -24 | 22F]
Created: Sat May 27 12:56:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dpckh/always_thought_i_couldnt_purge_turns_out_i_can/
Been yo-yoing the same few pounds for a few weeks so just been lurking here, not active because I feel like a fraud. I know this is an unsafe slippery slope. I just need go get this out. I think I'm on a bit of a self destruction kick. I started smoking again. I binge to self destruct too, restricting and purging feels like my own little secret. This is my secret world I escape to. There isn't really any point to this post other than just getting this out to someone. I don't know if this even makes sense lol?

[Rant/Rave] I want to enjoy myself and get dinner+ice cream with my bf. But im upset about it :(
Created: Sat May 27 12:27:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp72b/i_want_to_enjoy_myself_and_get_dinnerice_cream/

[Discussion] DAE experience progress that others can see but you can't?
/u/attenuatingpixie [5'7 | CW 125 | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 27 12:26:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp6yt/dae_experience_progress_that_others_can_see_but/
I don't know if this is a body dysmorphia thing. I don't really see a difference with my body, but apparently it's there!

I tried on some pants I wanted to buy and was able to go down an entire size. I thought "maybe vanity sizing has just gotten worse in the last few months" but when I went home and tried on a pair of pants I was going to donate because "I'll never be able to fit into them," those also fit me *perfectly.*

Then my boyfriend came home after being away for nearly two weeks (yay *heart eye emojis everywhere*) and he keeps commenting on how I have lost weight since he left.

I told him I may have dropped a pound or something but I can't possibly look any different, and he definitely denied that one.

(*He also made a comment that leads me to believe he is suspicious but I've decided I'm just going to ignore that for right now*)

Anyway. Have any of you gone through this kind of thing? Anybody commenting on invisible weight loss or any magic clothes that miraculously fit you now?

When you drop weight/slim down, can you most certainly see the differences, or are you shocked when there's progress made because you can't see it?

[Rant/Rave] Pls send good vibes
/u/petite_chien [5'3 | CW109 | UGW 105 | 22F]
Created: Sat May 27 12:06:59 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp36c/pls_send_good_vibes/

[Rant/Rave] I'm ready to die
Created: Sat May 27 11:56:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp16s/im_ready_to_die/

[Rant/Rave] I told my parents about my ED
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 113.9 | GW ๐Ÿ’€]
Created: Sat May 27 11:55:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dp10c/i_told_my_parents_about_my_ed/

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm sick of not being sick enough.
/u/smallsmallersmallest [166.5cm | CW 50.8kg GW 44kg | 18.46 | -10.2kg | F]
Created: Sat May 27 11:26:29 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dovia/rant_im_sick_of_not_being_sick_enough/
I've been seeking help for my mental heath for about 4 or 5 years now and I still haven't got help because I'm not anorexic and I haven't attempted suicide. Apparently it isn't enough that I have massive self harm scars, stick my fingers down my throat to throw up after eating unhealthy amounts of food, have dropped out of education twice due to being unable to attend most days because I can't face leaving the house, have ridiculously low self esteem and unhealthy body image, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, 'episodes' in which I lose lucidity and run away, scream, cry, and don't let people near me, have terrible insomnia, be ridiculously perfectionistic to the point where if it's not 100% perfect, I see myself as a failure, and am convinced that I'm a waste of life and no one wants me around anyway. But nope, my BMI is too high to get help, and unless I try to kill myself my depression must be fake. It's like they want me to get worse. It's so invalidating.

[Other] Cook Out Ideas
/u/HallowHorcruxx [5'6| 133 | 21.46 | -69 | F]
Created: Sat May 27 11:08:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dos09/cook_out_ideas/
My friend is coming over tomorrow and with our boys we are going to have a cook out at my apartment pool/BBQ area. I'm excited because I love the atmosphere of cook outs and tanning and swimming, but I'm pretty freaked about what to do for food. It's just the 4 of us so we have full control over what's made.

As lame as it sounds, I want cute foods and such for cute pics, but I have no idea how to do it in a low calorie way. I want our cook out to be fun and summery. I already plan to pick up some vodka and sugar free jello after work for Jell-O shots, but otherwise I'm at a loss.

Do you guys have any, relatively safe, cook out go to foods or alcoholic beverages? I already know I'll have a higher intake tomorrow, but I want to drink and be merry without full out blowing my intake.

(On mobile, please mark as Discussion or Help)

[Discussion] Depression journal
Created: Sat May 27 10:56:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dopte/depression_journal/
Hey friendships. I was told this video was helpful and wanted to share. I talk about when my ed and depression were at their worst and how much better I'm doing. There's a trigger warning on this so be careful if you do watch. Ily all so much (do you mind if I post videos on here)

[Depression journal](https://youtu.be/KGv-Y4GR0gY)

depression journal
Created: Sat May 27 10:52:55 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dop7o/depression_journal/

[Discussion] what's the most you've ever lost in 2 weeks? I need motivation right now
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sat May 27 09:58:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dof3d/whats_the_most_youve_ever_lost_in_2_weeks_i_need/

[Rant/Rave] I'm jealous of my boyfriend's sister for being underweight
/u/jalapenoalloverme [5ft 7 | 137lbs | 21 | GW 110 lbs | F21]
Created: Sat May 27 09:37:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dob53/im_jealous_of_my_boyfriends_sister_for_being/
Shes's so pretty and nice and fun. And she is absolutely tiny. She's a good bit older than me but she looks so young because she's so thin. I don't know how she does it, it comes naturally to her.

Food isn't a struggle for her, whenever I'm there she eats really fatty foods but tiny portions of them, and she isn't even trying to control herself she just stops. She doesn't have a problem with food, people constantly say it to her and she's so open and confident. Her whole family know her too well and she has just always been almost underweight. Their entire family is really unhealthy but super thin. She's the same height as me and I feel so bad about myself when I stand next to her.

How can I be that skinny and make it look easy and normal. It's so hard for me to have 5 bites of something and then just stop and say I'm super full. It's easier to fast. She has also never gone to the gym in her life, and she has the perfect body. You can also tell that she's not sick because her hair is so thick, her teeth are amazing, her skin is so healthy, and she has so much energy. She's looked the same her whole life so if she as sick there would be tell tale signs by now.

Any time I get low in weight really fast all my hair starts to fall out, I feel drunk with tiredness, I get dizzy, I snap at people, I can't concentrate, my skin gets dry and gross. Why can't I be like her.

[Other] This basically sums up my entire existence right now
Created: Sat May 27 09:21:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do87i/this_basically_sums_up_my_entire_existence_right/

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend thinks I looked the same at my highest weight as I did when I was underweight.
/u/loser_town [4'11 | CW: 103.8 | GW2: 100 | UGW: 85 | WL: -11.6 | BMI: 22.03]
Created: Sat May 27 09:19:08 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do7te/my_boyfriend_thinks_i_looked_the_same_at_my/
When my boyfriend and I met, I'd gained from my lowest weight (77) to around 85 pounds. But over the past year, I've gone up from 85 to 117. I'm losing again (so, so damn slowly), but when I mention having lost weight, he tells me that I don't look any different to him.

How?? I'm short!! I gained 32 pounds (Jesus fucking Christ, I didn't realize how bad it'd gotten until I typed it out just now) since we started dating!!!! And since we're both busy with work and school, we only see each other once a week. So any weight I've gained should've been very, *very* noticeable. How can he be so oblivious??

And to be honest, whenever he tells me that I look the same at my highest weight and my lowest, it's very triggering. If all my hard work doesn't make me look skinnier, then shouldn't I be losing more weight to achieve the effect?

I wish I could tell him all this, but I'mโ€‹ such a coward.

[Rant/Rave] Went over my calorie limit yesterday...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Sat May 27 09:13:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do6uo/went_over_my_calorie_limit_yesterday/
I went over my calorie limit yesterday because I saw my boyfriend eating chips and salsa before bed and I just couldn't help myself. I only had ten chips and a decent portion of salsa but it still put me over my calorie limit for the day, although I was still primed to lose weight according to MyFitnessPal.

Woke up this morning and I lost 1.4 pounds since I weighed myself yesterday morning!!! I don't log my exercise because I'd rather not be tempted to eat more because of it so I think that's what helped.

I'm so happy!

[Goal] 8 weeks post baby. back to pre-baby weight but still want to lose 15 more by 4th of july for cancun [album in comments]
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'6 3/4 | Pregnant so gaining for baby | F]
Created: Sat May 27 09:10:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do66f/8_weeks_post_baby_back_to_prebaby_weight_but/

/u/pcrnography [ -84 lbs | king of water retention]
Created: Sat May 27 09:03:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do51l/thought_i_gained_20_pounds_in_two_months/

So if that stream of conciousness didn't make sense: like two months of 2k-6k calories a day, thought I gained 20 pounds. Been managing my anxiety better and drinking more water etc, so I've been meaning to weigh myself and didn't get the opportunity until this morning after another little binge last night- so my weight this morning is inaccurate, I've still got tons of food and bloat so I didn't gain anywhere near as much as I thought.

Sorry. I'm so excited and I got really close to suicide a few weeks ago and I'm feeling really good about myself. I was naked in front of someone two weeks ago and didn't even think about it... even though my thighs and stomach jiggle and I hate my boobs. WOW oh my god I'm so glad I didn't kill myself.

OKAY sorry again I just really want to share for some reason, I love everyone who posts here and I haven't felt comfortable enough to post or comment lately and I'm just really happy. This post is a mess and kudos to you if you read it all!

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Random self hatred
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Sat May 27 08:47:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6do22j/rant_random_self_hatred/
I've been trying to high restrict, but yesterday was so hard. I fasted in preparation for an Indian buffet, ate lightly without looking suspicious, then tried to estimate the calories. But I basically had to throw my hands up and accept that I don't know. I'm assuming about 1200. :/ The only bright spot is that my boyfriend complimented my new glasses and said I look like "a model getting paid to look smart" (lol) in them. Which he could have been fibbing about because he knows how fucking insecure I am, and that I would have cried if he wasn't so nice about it.

When I was alone again, I spent too much time looking at myself and thinking about how much I fucking hate my face. Like, looking at it and realizing that I've been walking around in my sweats without makeup, and how ugly everyone knows I am. So that was triggering. Literally spent all night in and out of the kitchen, fighting with myself not to binge. Distracted myself: mindless games, youtube, tons of water. Still ended up having four almonds, two dark chocolate squares, a tiny V8 can, and two dill pickle spears. Oh, and like an entire pack of spearmint gum (spat out while still sweet.) Which is better than what my binge brain wanted me to eat, but it's still too much on top of all the food at the buffet.

I don't know what to do today. I'm still feeling fragile from yesterday. My boyfriend is back in town. If I cook, I get to control the food, but it would make the food really *available* and be a trigger for me today. (And I'll feel guilty making "safe" foods because my boyfriend is backpacking and doesn't get to eat real hot meals most of the time.) If I don't cook, we'll go out and I'll be scared of overeating there too. I've been wanting sushi for weeks and I know if he asks me what I want, I won't be able to resist. He just makes me smile and pulls it out of me. If we get greasy diner food like he's been craving lately, I already know what I would order. And on a regular day I might be able to mitigate the damage of all these choices, but today I don't know. Yesterday was already so hard.

I feel weak for how much I've been feeding my body. I feel stupid for walking around looking ugly. It makes me want to give up. I put all this effort into being *kind of* thin *maybe*, so then I don't have the energy to even give a fuck about making myself presentable. But if I did that, it would require more time in front of the mirror, and I'd find more things to hate about myself. The only thing keeping me from wanting to walk into traffic lately is just deciding not to give a fuck what people think, but for some reason I'm caring about it again.

I fucking hate this. I hate my face, I hate my flabby body, I hate that I don't know what people are thinking when they look at me, and if I did know I would hate that too. I thought I could stop hiding from mirrors but I know now I was fooling myself. Fuck this.

[Discussion] Does anyone else find that premeditated binges can be helpful?
/u/GingerrWithASoul [5'6 | 126.4 | 20.48 | Female]
Created: Sat May 27 07:50:20 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dns7w/does_anyone_else_find_that_premeditated_binges/
I'm normally pretty good at restricting during the week because my schedule means I'm not at home for 11/12 hours a day and come right home to bed after work.

But lately I've been allowing myself a planned binge Friday evenings after work. I order food on my way home and then binge on 2500-4000 calories in one sitting.

Which is a bit insane, don't get me wrong. But then I wake up Saturday mornings a couple of pounds heavier and it allows me to restrict on the weekends without feeling like I'm depriving myself. Weekends (or any time at home) are normally when I binge out of control and I've been finding that my planned binges on Friday nights allow me to avoid the 10,000/day binges that were happening every Saturday and Sunday.

Does anyone else do this? Like, don't get me wrong, all it's doing is allowing me to avoid gaining weight rather than helping me lose. But I'm so sick of gaining and losing the same 10lbs that I'm actually decently happy with achieving maintenance.

[Help] I couldn't purge my binge and now I want to be destructive in other ways
/u/forestfloorpool [170cm + bmi18 + gbmi16 +24f]
Created: Sat May 27 07:01:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dnkoq/i_couldnt_purge_my_binge_and_now_i_want_to_be/
I am so mad at myself. I knew my ability to purge was fading, and I wasn't even hungry. This was a big binge (a whole pizza and garlic bread) for me and I am miserable. I hate myself and I want to be destructive in so many other ways (drink, shop etc). This whole eating issue is starting to get out of control.

[Help] Just used the bmi calculator and feel like shit now
Created: Sat May 27 07:00:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dnkg3/just_used_the_bmi_calculator_and_feel_like_shit/
Hi, I have EDNOS and I just did the bmi calculator. -long sigh- I don't know what to do. I put in the weight of the last time I weighed myself (over a year ago because im afraid of the scale) and it still said I'm obese.

Recently my symptoms have been getting bad again, I used to have this under control and was great with self love, but stress and health issues have been making it come back. I refuse ot buy good clothes until I lose at least 50 lbs. I used to be on a pro ana website years ago when I was still using drugs( im a year and 9 months clean now).

So yeah, I already go to a therapist and we do CBT work, I just found this rsubeddit randomly after searching for recovery subreddits, so yeah...

start running or you'll always be fat
Created: Sat May 27 06:28:45 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dng1n/start_running_or_youll_always_be_fat/

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 27, 2017
Created: Sat May 27 06:10:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dndlt/stupid_questions_saturday_may_27_2017/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 27, 2017.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 27, 2017
Created: Sat May 27 06:10:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dndku/daily_food_diary_may_27_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 27, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] fucked the fuck up
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 27 05:51:06 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dnawl/rantrave_fucked_the_fuck_up/
Tried to eat maintenance

Broke a fucking 15+ days streak of not purging

I fucking hate myself

[Rant/Rave] Eat a real meal
Created: Sat May 27 05:31:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dn848/eat_a_real_meal/
This is dumb. Say I. Because it's about me. W/e.

I binge drink. I don't like it. It made me gain 30 pounds, but I guess I feel normal when I drink. I can eat then.

My boyfriend and I are getting married at 20-21. Because then he gets cheap college, I get commitment or w/e. It's mostly to save money. I want to lose at least 30 pounds. I need to. But being the center of attention gives me panic attacks so to talk about it we were going to drink. And he kept saying before I could have any I had to eat "a real meal" I've been eating less than 800 cal a day and he won't let me 130 cal turkey cheddar brats count unless I eat more than 1. 260 calories and the alcohol? 100 calories a shot. I almost cried.

I guess I'm ranting though

[Rant/Rave] Long exciting weekend! Been looking forward to it for weeks! Time for brain to fuck it up.
Created: Sat May 27 05:16:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dn67f/long_exciting_weekend_been_looking_forward_to_it/
Anyone else have this issue? Felt good (well, decent) all week. Didn't mega hate my body. Minimum food guilt. Body dysmorphia in check.

But, like fucking clockwork, I'm sitting here at the start of the weekend feeling like a failure. I've been looking forward to this holiday weekend forever. But now that its here, my brain is going over all the things I've should've done differently leading up to it so I would be able to "enjoy" it more.

I don't feel super fat, but what if I did gain weight? I probably did. At least a few lbs. My ribs don't feel as sharp any more. Why does it matter? It doesn't. But wouldn't it be nicer if I was as bony as I was a few weeks ago? Maybe I am? Who knows.

Don't get me wrong. I'm over all way happier in whatever version of "recovery" I'm currently in. But at least before I could reassure myself that I had done everything right (restrict/over exercise) leading up to today and find some bit of solace.

Oh well.

**TL;DR I can never enjoy anything because my brain hates me.**

[Rant/Rave] Good freakin' morning!!!
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Sat May 27 03:32:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dmu5t/good_freakin_morning/
Just weighed myself and I'm back to 126! I didn't update my flair because I was embarrassed, but I had gotten up to 128 (damn you, Mexican food binges!) and this morning I weighed myself and I'm an even 126. Fuck yeah. Just had to share here since no one IRL cares ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Edited because I wrote this when I was barely awake and it didn't make much sense, haha

[Other] Eating maintenance and will not freak out
/u/cuzzlingpunt [5'5 | CW140.4 | 22.8 | GW128 | UGW115]
Created: Sat May 27 02:06:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dmkv2/eating_maintenance_and_will_not_freak_out/
I'm eating maintenance and I will not purge or freak out. I can feel the pull of my body towards eating after a few days of restriction and giving into maintenance is a good thing.

I will not freak out, I will not freak out. :/

[Rant/Rave] I kind of love the fact that no one gives a shit about me.
/u/stephanynotstokes [5'5| too fat |-90 lbs | F]
Created: Sat May 27 01:06:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dme6s/i_kind_of_love_the_fact_that_no_one_gives_a_shit/
(I know you guys care but I mean in real life people)

I don't have a boyfriend anymore so theres no one around to ask me about going out to dinner and I only have one friend that I never see. She knows about my ED but she doesnt give a shit besides the occasional "you shouldn't be throwing up" type thing.

No one is harassing me about eating, or asking about my weight. I think I'm better off alone.

[Help] Quick question
Created: Sat May 27 00:06:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dm725/quick_question/

[Rant/Rave] He knows.
/u/welpthatreallysucks [โ™€ 5'4" | โš– 214 | -22lbs| ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ]
Created: Fri May 26 23:06:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlz16/he_knows/
My husband knows about my past Ed.

I'm positive he knows now too.


He was so proud of me today. I had 1200 calories. That's how "Normal" people diet.

He knows the only reason I had any lunch was because he went out to get that butter slathered sausage bagle and shoved it at me at work. I've been depressed since.

The only reason I made fatty beef ribs was to make him happy but he insists that I must enjoy them too or he isn't having any -_-

Fuck. I've only lost 17lbs goddamit!

My doctor is proud of me! My mom is encouraging me! -_-

QUIT CARING!!!... Just for a while?

[Rant/Rave] Just looking to vent
Created: Fri May 26 22:59:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dly1k/just_looking_to_vent/
I hope this is the right place for this.

I'm going back home to see my family (who all have no idea about my ED) for a few days. I'm nervous because that's where all my disordered eating started & it's a triggering place to be. Everyone in my family is overweight besides me. I know my parents will comment on my weight, I'm already preparing myself for potential responses. Watching them eat disgusts me, especially my sister & her boyfriend. My sister didn't gain weight (approx. 100 lbs) until they started dating because they always eat fast food. When I'm home, no one monitors my eating like my boyfriend can in our apartment. Only one meal is served to me with my family, so usually I only ever eat dinner & even then I'm really good about sneaking my food back onto the serving trays in the kitchen.

I'll be with my old friends a lot, which means I'll be comparing myself to them. It's about 15 degrees hotter there, so they'll probably all be in shorts. I haven't decided if I'll pack any or if I'll stick to jeans. I'm the tallest (which is oddly triggering to me too) but I'm not the skinniest. I secretly hope at least ONE of them has gained weight. It's been months since I've seen them, I'm terrified that I'll end up being the biggest still. I know they'll want to go out to eat a ton. I moved to a small town without much in it, so whenever I return home my friends practically demand we eat out everywhere because I'm 'missing out.'

I'm nervous. I'm scared. I want to have fun & not have to force it or fake it because the whole time my mind is consumed by wether or not my thighs are bigger than her thighs. Lately I've been fighting off destructive urges more than usual & I feel like I'll be on edge the whole time that when I come back to my apartment, a relapse is inevitable.

Why is being happy with yourself so hard?

[Discussion] My mom won't stop talking about weight
/u/stickbuggy [6'1.5" | 199 lb | 25 | -50 lb | F]
Created: Fri May 26 21:21:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dljhd/my_mom_wont_stop_talking_about_weight/
Okay so my mom keeps bringing up how fat she is, how she wants to lose weight, how she just won't eat anything to lose weight, etc. It's honestly just been really super triggering! I hate using that word, but it's the only way to describe it. Especially since I've been binging hard this week (finals + lady stuff... yay...), so I feel like a whale. :-(

It's just... ugh, why does she always bring it up? I haven't lost weight recently, I haven't been restricting much, nothing has really changed to indicate that I want to lose weight or anything like that.

And, summer's coming up for me, which is usually when I restrict hardcore. However, I'm going to a camp for a month, so I can't do that because I'll need my brain for doing homework. It's freaking me out really bad. Usually as soon as summer starts, I start restricting to <1000 cal a day, and lose a lot before school comes around. So I'm upset about not being able to restrict all summer, and my mom won't stop talking about getting skinnier. It seriously is stressing me out so much guys. :-(

(Sorry for lack of flair, I'm on mobile!)

[Rant/Rave] This is it
/u/yssjfs [5'4 | 116.4|19.9(COUNTS AS BEING IN THE TEENS)| Lost: 44|GW:โ˜ ]
Created: Fri May 26 21:01:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlgdy/this_is_it/
I've been yo-yoing between 110 and 120 since January. I'm done. I'm always either starving or my stomach aches from being stuffed. I used to think binging was bullshit because I never had any urges to. This mornings breakfast was rocky road ice cream, brownies with a white chocolate mocha. I could have made those calories last a week and would still feel bad about it. So I'm done. I bought my summer clothes, and I'm refusing to buy anything larger than an XS. I'm placing an order on wish (which I KNOW runs small), it's going to take about six weeks to arrive and goddammit they're going to fit when they get here.

[Other] Sometimes I fancy myself a writer (Other)
Created: Fri May 26 20:59:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlg4h/sometimes_i_fancy_myself_a_writer_other/
I write a lot, and I like to think of myself as a writer but I don't often admit to it In Real Life. I hope this fits well here. Thank you al for being so lovely.

I'm freaked out by my loneliness
and the hole in my stomach
where my dermal anchor jumped ship,
I'm freaked out about my ovaries
never hatching and my uterus
falling out between my legs

I'm freaked out about how my skin
won't stop jumping like a live wire
and I lay awake in bed at night
promising my hair and teeth
to whoever will let me sleep

I am grossed out, skeezed out by life
and it's permutations,
needing to eat spaghetti
and being afraid of worms

I'm scared of how the pills make it worse
and better at the same time
like my bell curve has been inverted
and makes no more ringing

I am terrified of my sluggish self
and yet continue to dress in all gray
because I need to feel at home
and not worthy of attention

I'm freaked out by the shape
of what my emptiness might become
and if I'll have to wrap myself in quilts
to warm the part of my heart
reaching for a tiny hand

But my grasp is weak anyway
and I think blankets are plenty to hold

[Rant/Rave] I will not purge
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri May 26 20:27:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dlazq/i_will_not_purge/
I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge I will not purge will not purge I will not purge I will not purge

I can eat 1500 calories like a normal person and not purge. Any weight that I gain tomorrow is not real weight. I will not purge. I don't purge anymore.

[Other] Purging is becoming a regular thing again......
/u/gettingagrip4 [5'3 | Baby Hippo | -55 | 31F]
Created: Fri May 26 19:55:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dl5lo/purging_is_becoming_a_regular_thing_again/
Binged/purged every day this week at least once. Yesterday I just kept piling food into my body like a fucking pig, I didn't even get the taste of puke out of my mouth before I was eating again. I think I purged 5 times by the time I was done.

Restricting has been so easy for me and I'm ruining all the work I've done in the last few months.

I don't understand why I'm doing this, and I don't know how to get out of this spiral.

[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] today took SUCH a terrible fucking 180ยฐ
Created: Fri May 26 19:07:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkxgh/rantrave_today_took_such_a_terrible_fucking_180/
Since my post earlier, I am so far from okay that I have the urge to purge (and am irrationally angry that it rhymes)


I have been on a water fast today


Why am I like this UGH

Full disclosure, the mood change had NOTHING to do with weight shit, but that's the direction my sick lil head brought it to "make me feel better"


Is it weird that I wanna fuck up my fast so I can purge? I'm not... er .. I don't *think* I will purge, but idk man

I'm at a loss, too, bc the stress has my gut burbling and now I'm not gonna be *able* to get away with having fasted bc the boy will know and be sad and I can't have that on top of this :(

Sorry, I just really needed to get that out

[Discussion] Does anyone else find that restriction stabilises their mood/self esteem?
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Fri May 26 18:49:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dku74/does_anyone_else_find_that_restriction_stabilises/
This is something that literally keeps me going. The thought that if I go back to mindless eating I'll start re-experiencing instability.

When I wasn't restricting, my mood was extremely temperamental and my anger issues were pretty bad. Huge fluctuations by the hour caused by external and internal factors.

My self esteem had nothing to fall back on if something someone said really hurt me. Now it's like, yeah they critiqued my work, but I haven't eaten over 1000 calories a day in a month so I *do have worth*. And it keeps my mood from dropping.

The only times I really experience irritability/anger/anxiety are when things related to my intake are fucked with. So I avoid situations where that could happen, I make rules, I don't take shit from people trying to get me to "try this it's so yummy!". Everything comes back to my intake. So if I control it, everything else is okay.

[Goal] Why does this app hate me haha
Created: Fri May 26 18:19:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkpbb/why_does_this_app_hate_me_haha/

[Rant/Rave] My stomach hates me. Why.
Created: Fri May 26 18:00:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dklr6/my_stomach_hates_me_why/
Here is a list of what I binged today, in order:


Two tomatoes

Two turkey sandwiches

One drumstick ice cream cone

One bite of three musketeers

One pickle spear

Two nature valley bars

When I purged, only the pickle and tomato came out! (Sorry if TMI)

What the heck! The least caloric items I ate! And not even the most recent!

Anyone else can offer some insight of why this happened/your experiences?

[Rant/Rave] The ED life
Created: Fri May 26 17:59:50 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dklji/the_ed_life/
Yesterday I surpassed my goal weight of 129lbs at 127.8lbs and a height of 5'10", I was officially underweight! I had lost over 40lbs!

I was extremely pleased and it made my day; for the first time I started to feel somewhat skinny.

I forgot about the hunger, the fatigue and the sadness and enjoyed the day.

I had achieved something and I was proud of that.

Today, yesterday wasn't enough.

That is the reality of eating disorders. You feel in control right until you realise you aren't.
After all I'm only just underweight, I still have fat, I'm still not skinny enough.
In the morning I had only lost 0.8lbs and I was annoyed despite knowing this was a good loss.

I binged today and dread the number on the scales tomorrow morning.

I need to be skinny to feel like I belong to something, like I'm not worthless.

My ED controls my life but I welcome it; without it, depression and anxiety take away that life.

Tomorrow I will restrict again: trying to achieve the un-acheivable with everyone else here.

[Rant/Rave] My mum just saw how much weight I lost...[rave]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:56:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkkzx/my_mum_just_saw_how_much_weight_i_lostrave/
... And she's not happy about it.

Cue the "you need to look after your body, I'm worried about you".

Then it was my turn to say "ah DW mum I'm just poor and stressed so haven't been eating a lot". Hell, I was surprised at my OWN lie.

That seemed to placate her so good going, SpeckledCollie 8-)

[Rant/Rave] Forever the ugly sister [rant]
/u/HallowHorcruxx [5'6| 133 | 21.46 | -69 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:56:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkkvp/forever_the_ugly_sister_rant/
This kid at my work used to have it bad for me. He's 3 years younger than me, and even more immature than that. He had the typical preteen way of showing a crush, teasing constantly, mixed with strange hints and things he would say making it super obvious. He would give me knowing looks and say he has a crush on someone at work (and since the only other pretty girl in the office he says is not his type at all, it's obviously me). He would start listing attributes he wants in a girl, and would list things that he's already said to me (similar tastes, intelligent, fun to talk to, older, etc)

Then he did the whole "you have a sister?" bit, since I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he knew he didn't have a chance with me. And he crept through my Instagram and found her. And as a joke started asking after her and saying I should hook them up.

Now he has a legitimate hardcore crush on her. He goes on and on about how beautiful she is and how banging her body is. And it's no longer just a joke. I said something to her and he got so embarrassed. He shows her off to our other coworkers, even though he's never met her, because she's so gorgeous every one should see. And he's stopped saying all the stuff about how pretty or great or smart or funny I am.

I feel terrible because I am in a happy committed relationship, and I had no feelings towards him, but I miss him having a crush on me. In the exceedingly rare instances where someone actually has a crush on me, I love the ego boost it gives me. Something about knowing someone else, besides me long term boyfriend, has a crush on me makes me actually like myself a little bit too.

He likes to make fat jokes towards me occasionally, and as we all know even if "everyone knows you're not fat", we legitimately believe it. And he keeps mentioning her body. Like when I'm being honest, she might even have more chub than me, but she's got a great butt. And when I call him out for being so in love based off of nothing but a few pictures, one of his justifications is "I don't date fat girls, and she's not fat". Idk if he's purposefully implying that I am fat, but that's how it comes across.

I just feel like an awful, jealous, possessive monster. I have no interest in him, but having him drop his crush on me in favor of my sister is literally driving me crazy. I feel positively green. I wish he never found her Instagram. Because this is just another instance where my sister unintentionally outshines me. I may be the older sister, but I will always be the ugly one. She will always be prettier than me, and if given the chance, my own boyfriend would probably choose her over me.

(I'm on mobile and can't flair, sorry. Please flair this as rant)

[Help] I just ate questionable food in hopes it would make me sick
Created: Fri May 26 17:47:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkjcp/i_just_ate_questionable_food_in_hopes_it_would/
I used these bags of frozen peas to nurse a sprained ankle and they went through a freeze/semi-thaw cycle several times during that time. I had one bag last night and one bag just now. I guess last night's didn't make me sick but I kind of cooked them, tonight's I just ate them frozen out of the bag.
Can't get up the courage to purge all the shit I ate today, maybe this will do it for me ๐Ÿ™Š

[Help] B vitamins
Created: Fri May 26 17:24:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkf4q/b_vitamins/
DAE get any energy from sublingual b12? I still have some from when I was vegan (took it to not die, but had to give up veganism temporarily when I became anemic to the point of iron infusions).

I kind of want to take them again instead of a multivitamin, because I think they can help with energy and metabolism, but I think I may need to take a multivitamin, because I'm restricting to 250-600ish kcal a day, but I don't wanna overdo the b12 if that's dangerous.

[Rant/Rave] i'm the friend you're embarrassed to be seen with
/u/percussivesilence [5'7" | -45 | 21F | @blackcatbackfat]
Created: Fri May 26 17:19:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkea2/im_the_friend_youre_embarrassed_to_be_seen_with/
the one who gets the last minute invite, has to take the photos or just get diddy cropped out.

one time i went to portland with a friend and her friend for three weeks. (side note anyone else measure time in how much they weighed) i was left out of facebook statuses, instagram posts, tweets, to the outside world i wasn't there for any of it. just my other two friends having a ball i don't exist don't worry

maybe they're just shitty people, or fat girl invisibility is real. but in my heart i know that people wouldn't be ashamed if i was thinner

i deleted all my actual social media recently. because it was so hard. this way i can pretend it's all my decision

anyone here relate?

[Discussion] Little things you keep in mind?
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:09:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkcge/little_things_you_keep_in_mind/
what is something that always helps you put down whatever you're eating? like a personal goal? can be positive or negative!

[Rant/Rave] hahahaha fuuuuck
/u/kooraloo [5'2 | fat as fuck | F]
Created: Fri May 26 17:03:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkbby/hahahaha_fuuuuck/
When your law school orientation stresses you out so much you binge on a whole pizza and purge it all up. fuck me.

The bright side I didn't buy the pizza-- it was left over from orientation lunch.

The downside... I was doing so good. And I ducked out of orientation day 2 to do this shit and I need to go back.

[Rant/Rave] What am I doing wrong?
/u/hellojoshua [5'6 | UGW: 114 | M]
Created: Fri May 26 17:02:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dkb7k/what_am_i_doing_wrong/

[Rant/Rave] One more comment and my head will explode
/u/thanatognomonic [5'4" | CW 135 | GW 99]
Created: Fri May 26 16:41:13 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dk7a6/one_more_comment_and_my_head_will_explode/
Recently, my mom just will not shut her mouth about my body. She's made it her number 1 concern to tell me everything about it and it's so triggering.

When I was at my low weight, she would force me to weigh the cat just so she could figure out what my weight was and tell me how gross it was, she'd buy jeans that were "supposed to be too small" and say "These shouldn't fit..." when they did, etc.

Now I'm at my high weight and she's done a complete 180. She publicly humiliates me when we go out to restaurants ("Haha don't eat all the bread! If I don't remind you you'll even eat the table!") She constantly reminds me how my thigh gap is gone and I'm "filling out my clothes more" and I "need to lift some weights". She asks why I don't spend time with her but when I do all she talks about is how fat and gross I am. Today she found a wrapper in my room from about a month ago and looked at me and said "You need to stop snacking, you do realize you're getting stretch marks around your thighs, right?"

I don't know what to do. Can anyone relate? I'm so frustrated.

[Rant/Rave] Tricked my own shitty binge brain
Created: Fri May 26 16:38:19 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dk6q6/tricked_my_own_shitty_binge_brain/
So my SO and I got in a huge fight, he walked out and there was a giant pizza sitting on the table. So naturally i was ready to eat the whole thing, plus everything in the house, is why I weigh 200 lbs, and after pacing a while and trying to distract myself I decided to get a Halo Top ice cream out because it'll take me a long time to eat and it's only 360 for the whole thing.

So I took it out, put it in the microwave to melt it a bit, and... The urge just... Went away. I can't explain it. I was like "FUCK EVERYTHING GIVE ME FOOD" and the next second I was like "oh, I'm fine, I don't need this" the next. I think just the act of getting the food out was enough to settle my shitty binge brain down.

It's bizarre and awesome and I'm excited about it. Go me.

Told the person I'm seeing....
Created: Fri May 26 16:23:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dk441/told_the_person_im_seeing/

[Rant/Rave] everything is a fear food, i don't even know what to do
/u/whale_x [5'4" | 113. 4lbs | 19.95 bmi | 14F]
Created: Fri May 26 15:51:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djxvt/everything_is_a_fear_food_i_dont_even_know_what/
for the past two weeks, all i've done is fast or binge. i'm currently up to like 40 hours on a fast.

so i biked out to the store near my house and bought some gum and diet soda to reward myself for getting through the school day without caving (i've had a shitty day, i wanted to reward myself), but after being full from drinking a medium diet soda, i've only gotten more upset.

i also chewed a stick of gum, but then i started worrying about the calories in there.

normally, my safe food list is very short. it used to be - blueberries, raspberries, peas, ketchup, meatless meatballs & other similar vegetarian products, gum, diet soda, and basically, that's it. it used to be much longer, but it's only gotten shorter and shorter as my life revolves around food.

but now, i can't stand the thought of eating basically anything. my mind just runs off without me and i lose rationality.

i get very obsessive phases. sometimes it's cutting, sometimes it's exercising, but now it's fasting... and i don't know how to pull myself out of this hole.

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend loves food
/u/Get-Closer [5'2 | 129 | 23.8 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 15:43:15 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djw57/my_boyfriend_loves_food/
RANT RANT RANT this might be long

I've been with my boyfriend for about two years, he doesn't know about my ED. He does know that I try to eat "healthy" but he's pretty oblivious to calories and healthy eating. He is very spontaneous and he loves to eat.

So there's a lot of "hey let's get cake/fast food!!" All. The. Time. And he'll bring me Cheetos randomly, which is sweet but he didn't get how insane it makes me.

And to top it all off, he works at an ice cream shop and gets free ice cream whenever he wants. Last week he brought home two pints of ice cream for me. Today he persuaded me to go get some ice cream with him, I asked him for one scoop and he gave me a giant scoop topped with whipped cream. Even though he doesn't know about my ED, he knows I'm trying to be healthy and lose weight ๐Ÿ˜ญ

So after that ice cream today I asked him "why are you trying to make me fat?" And his response was "well I know that when I'm not with you, you eat pretty much nothing."

It's really hard to deal with all this temptation, but he's getting to be slightly overweight and he wants to lose weight so I offered to help him get healthy. I've tried this before, but it seems like he's actually serious this time so hopefully it will be better soon (ugh).

[Rant/Rave] Fat Friday
Created: Fri May 26 15:36:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djupt/fat_friday/
Tonight I'm going to a thing that some guys I knew in college (~5-8 years ago) are going to also. Of course, I'll be interacting with them and they'll see me and my body. I'm so disappointed in myself that I've either gained weight (somehow MFP lost all records before 2013) or not even maintained since then, and also, I literally had 6 donuts today and feel super fat and full and disgusting. Fortunately, each of the 3 dresses I'm considering wearing would hide belly bulge fairly well, but my arms are still flabby and the dresses are long so my legs that are getting somewhat toned from running won't even show, which I guess is good because I have fat knees. I also have this weird tan from running and I just feel gross all over. Might as well just drink a bunch too. Cheers to tonight y'all โœŒ๏ธ

[Goal] [goals] I FIT MY OLD PANTS
Created: Fri May 26 14:50:25 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djlg1/goals_i_fit_my_old_pants/

I didn't see ANY progress this time, and I ALWAYS at least notice it even if I don't think it's good enough

But I literally did not notice a change


I decided that since I was already feeling like a fat fucking piece of shit bc of yesterday's binge, today was the day to hate myself worse and FINALLY try on my old favorite jeans to shame myself into hardcore restriction today (maybe even a fast until after work) BUT THEN THEY WERE FUCKING LOOSE ON ME AND I'M SO EXCITED I TOOK MY FIRST BODY PROGRESS PHOTO IN IDK HOW LONG (I was hating myself too much until today)

So like

Is this subreddit a place where I can post it cuz I am actually happy (kinda) with this one (obvs not really where I wanna be yet but I'm still ecstatic to be in these pants and they're LOOSE)

Also to everyone who gave me advice on constipation thank youuuuuuuuu I FINALLY got that settled and I'm feeling less heavy ๐Ÿ’œ

[Rant/Rave] I thought I'd have my life together by now.
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Fri May 26 14:50:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djlen/i_thought_id_have_my_life_together_by_now/
Rambling ahead, sorry! Just sucks that I'm the fairy child of the family. The weird vegan, the one who works in a barn and has like, one semester of college under her belt, the one who lives with her boyfriend (gasp!) which according to my parents is a Big Sin (even though they divorced and have both remarried- my dad has twice.) I'm a 25 year old who can't even feed herself properly. ๐Ÿ™ƒ

[Discussion] How do you substitute foods? From unsafe to safe?
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 14:42:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6djjw6/how_do_you_substitute_foods_from_unsafe_to_safe/
Is there a way for you to make unsafe foods safe?
How do you substitute unsafe foods and ingredients, safen-ise unsafe recipes?
To avoid trigger foods but still satisfy your cravings?
Or also just make safe foods just a notch safer?

I actually always did most of these things when I was missing ingredients especially whilst travelling.
drinking my coffee with cinnamon and sometimes other spices and genuinely love it.
I generally use cinnamon a lot. Metabolism booster.

Frothing (plant) milk and maybe add cocoa and cinnamon and eat it like a mousse out of a bowl with a small spoon. I like how long it takes.

Cauliflower Taboul

Mineral Water Crรชpes

I make vegetable ceviche
- usually a south american dish were you leave fish in lemon/lime over hours until the acid cooks it all.
Using citrus or vinegar and all kinds of veggies. Also the ones like eggplant, squash, sweet potato. They end up not being raw but also not heavily cooked= still nutritious and a lot lighter in calories.
Then I add spices, chilies and herbs. Onions.
Be creative.

Let them sit for several hours/overnight/a day in the juice/vinegar...

[Discussion] How much does a kidney weigh?
/u/c_marier [5'6"| 110.2 17.8 | 23F]
Created: Fri May 26 13:53:40 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dj9iq/how_much_does_a_kidney_weigh/
If I donated a kidney, do you think I would permanently lose a pound? More than a pound? Why is this something that would even occur to me??

[Rant/Rave] Hello ladies and gentlemen!
Created: Fri May 26 13:11:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dj0q9/hello_ladies_and_gentlemen/
I promise that I will try to keep this post as positive as I can so here it goes: I am one pound away from my UGW of 110!!! I feel awesome and when I stand in front of the mirror (or stand sideways) I look so thin-- then I look at myself from the front and I look wide and fat...

I wonder if it's just my brain, if I need to lose a few more pounds or maybe it's just that I am a wide person? lol, I don't know if that's a thing... (wide-boned?? ๐Ÿ˜‚ )

[Rave] I'm in Florida!
/u/the-mortyest-morty [๐Ÿ‘™ 5'3๐Ÿ“ CW:110.2๐ŸŒธ BMI:19.5๐ŸŒ™ -33.8๐Ÿ”ฎ GW:105โœจ 25F๐Ÿ’œ]
Created: Fri May 26 13:01:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diyk2/im_in_florida/
Hey guys! It's been forever I know. Lots of crazy shit has gone on and I'll update everyone soon but I just wanted to check in and say I'm finally on my vacation! ๐Ÿš๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ–โ˜€I look awesome in my bathing suits, I'm the thinnest person on the trip (thinner than Ana!SIL!!!) and I feel fucking amazing. Fiancรฉ's family are being dicks as usual but they've gotten so much karma this week I'm not even mad.. I'll have to tell you about it later. Fiancรฉ is ignoring them and spoiling me and it's awesome. Fuck the haters. All my hard work was worth it. I look amazing and they're all fat, bitter assholes. Sucks to suck!

Anybody else feeling pumped about meeting your summer goals? Have I missed any good drama since I've been away? Got any stories of getting thin and beating your haters? They say looking good is the best revenge. Spill in the comments! ๐Ÿ’œ I've missed you guys.

(Tag this as rave! :D)

[Rant/Rave] obsessing over potential calories ugh
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | bmi: low 18 | 22F]
Created: Fri May 26 12:44:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diuyo/obsessing_over_potential_calories_ugh/
i'm looking through pictures from ~three weeks ago, when i was ~4 pounds lighter and actually felt good about myself instead of gross and self-conscious all the time. now i'm freaking out about the amount of calories i'll probably eat at this street fair thing today and want to go run but can't find the motivation lollllll cool! but if i run i'll probably feel kind of nauseous afterwards and eat less at least there's that haha anyways sorry for this stupid rant

[Discussion] Anyone else have two calorie goals?
Created: Fri May 26 12:35:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dit02/anyone_else_have_two_calorie_goals/
So typically I try to eat under 500 cals but if I go over by a bit (usually 50-100 cals) I switch to thinking "well I can still eat under 1000 today and still be far below my TDEE." I find that it helps me fight cravings and stop binging as well as not being so upset when I eat more than I had planned.

Just a Monster PSA...
Created: Fri May 26 12:29:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dirpv/just_a_monster_psa/

[Other] Fellow Halo Top afficionados... am I misremembering, or...
/u/InSkyLimitEra [5' 7.25" | CW 110 | LW 106 | HW 180 | 30 F]
Created: Fri May 26 12:23:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diqfh/fellow_halo_top_afficionados_am_i_misremembering/
...didn't chocolate mocha chip used to be 280 calories? I could have sworn none of the original seven flavors (and I'm pretty sure that was one of them) was over 300.

Because now the website lists it as 320 ๐Ÿ˜ก


Maybe my memory is on the fritz, but like many of you, I'm a fucking calorie encyclopedia, and the website listing isn't jiving with flipping to the Hs in my brain and looking up Halo Top - chocolate mocha chip.

[Rant/Rave] The Body Dysmorphia Blues
/u/DahliaDubonet [INTERNAL SOBS]
Created: Fri May 26 12:08:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6din2t/the_body_dysmorphia_blues/
Another fantastic chapter in the best-selling novel "WHY I HATE MY BRAIN."

In my mind, I am not small or frail or tiny or skinny but I am at a recent lowest weight in a while (oh haaay BMI of 18.9) and keep getting comments from my friends and family and my mind is going back and forth from "STOP LYING TO ME" and "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU AND CAN NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN."
How do you guys deal with this moment of irrationality? When someone tells you "no wonder you're so tiny" or "skinny bitch" (in a loving way, that's my best friend) or my SO ran his hand along my spine and mentioned how "you know you're skinny when I can feel all the bones in your spine" and I just want to yell "NO NO NO I DO NOT BECAUSE I AM NOT" but I don't want to look like a crazy person this early the relationship (but that's a drink of a different color) and bite my tongue and just continue to be baffled at what they could be seeing.

There's no way that they see *this* as tiny or thin or skinny. There's no way. They are either deluded or stupid but I know that's not true SO it has to be me... I mean, I know it's me but wouldn't it be so much easier if they were deluded and I was right all the time?

So minor rant over. Anyone else struggling with this? Advice would be appreciated but not needed, mostly just looking for others to commiserate and wallow in my insanity with.

**EDIT** because formatting is a pain on mobile

[Goal] today my mom told me i'm looking skinny
/u/lemon_sox [5'5" | 143.2 lbs | BMI 25.05 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 12:06:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dimjx/today_my_mom_told_me_im_looking_skinny/
she said i've been looking smaller since i got home
I'm a little worried about that but i'm passing it off as "oh i just eat healthier now that i'm home"

i just started vegetarianism again along w my usual restricting

i'm just weirdly proud that she noticed

and also i only eat in front of her and i make sure she sees my binges so she isn't even suspicious ๐Ÿ˜‡ only a few more months till i move out anyways!!

[Rant/Rave] So. I just finished crying because my parents didn't allow me to make a salad I'd planned for dinner.
/u/Vanilla_Mieux [*:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง 5'1 | GW: 65lbs | CW: 75lbs | F *:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง ]
Created: Fri May 26 11:47:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6diiby/so_i_just_finished_crying_because_my_parents/
Jesus Christ, I cut myself too. What the fuck? Who the fuck does that?

On the plus side, I'm not hungry anymore. Oh god, please, just *please*, let me die already. Just take me. Every time I see a car passing I wish for it to run me over.

This is a pointless rant and I'm so fed up with myself. My prom is in a week and I'm too fat and too full of scars to go. Fuck me.

[Thinspo] Jamming to Amy Winehouse when I saw this picture and couldn't help but to be a little jealous...
/u/for-your-pleasure [5'3" | CW120ish | GW99 | AFAB/they]
Created: Fri May 26 11:46:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dihxy/jamming_to_amy_winehouse_when_i_saw_this_picture/

[Rant/Rave] Wtf is a normal appetite? Never heard of it.
Created: Fri May 26 11:07:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di8yf/wtf_is_a_normal_appetite_never_heard_of_it/

[Discussion] Where are all of you from?
Created: Fri May 26 10:56:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di66r/where_are_all_of_you_from/
Nationalities etc. I kinda wanna know if you guys are from all over the world or whatnot cuz that's some cool shit

I'm Korean American. Used to be here illegally but am citizen now (hi Mr. Trump)

[Goal] Update:
Created: Fri May 26 10:54:58 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di5wa/update/

[Discussion] Losing weight but clothes still fitting the same??
/u/backpackcats88 [5'7 | CW 120lb | 18.6 | GW105 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 10:54:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di5r7/losing_weight_but_clothes_still_fitting_the_same/
As title says, I've lost weight (10+ lbs), but I put on a pair of skinny jeans today and they're snug as hell. I can see the difference in my body, but what the hell? Anyone else get this too? Or is it just the skinny jeans being dumb?

[Thinspo] Daily Thinspo.
Created: Fri May 26 10:53:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6di5hx/daily_thinspo/

[Rant/Rave] "Low calorie" meals sound horrifingly calorie dense and it stresses me out. Thanks ed.
Created: Fri May 26 10:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhwi9/low_calorie_meals_sound_horrifingly_calorie_dense/

[Goal] [goal] I fit into a children's size 14!
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 09:28:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhmsv/goal_i_fit_into_a_childrens_size_14/
I needed a spare pair of pants today and my mum offered me my younger sister's pants that she grew out of. At first I thought there was no way they would fit because they're a children's size, but they actually fit really nicely and look as good as pants can on my weird body. I know a children's 14 is basically a woman's 0, but the idea that I'm as small as a child is nice in a weird, eating disordered sort of way.

[Discussion] How do you Food Substitute for Low Calorie
Created: Fri May 26 09:24:18 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhm13/how_do_you_food_substitute_for_low_calorie/

[Rant/Rave] Periods are crazy shit
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Fri May 26 08:54:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dhfna/periods_are_crazy_shit/
Yesterday 9am: 179.8
Yesterday 11am: period starts
Yesterday 2pm: Ate about 1,000 calories and pooped
Yesterday 9pm: 184.4 and huge squishy lower belly
Last night: woke up 3 times to pee
This morning: 179.8 before pooping

Hahaha bloating is insane. There was so much water under my skin I literally felt like it might pop if I moved just right

Update: 178.4 which is a new adult LW ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰ and which means I literally lost 6 pounds overnight what the actual fuck.

[Help] Does anyone have experience managing hunger on Prozac or other antidepressants?
/u/IdidntChooseThis [5'11.5" | CW: 127.8 LW:116.4 GW: 109 UGW: dead | ~18 | 20F]
Created: Fri May 26 08:23:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh964/does_anyone_have_experience_managing_hunger_on/
Hi all! You are all kick ass and amazing and I love it here.

This story begins a few weeks ago, my therapist asked me to try an antidepressant to manage some intense suicidal ideation (horrifying visions of it happening then me snapping back to reality to find it didn't) and my same old depression that I've had for 6 years now. So I made an appointment with my usual doc and he gave me Prozac after referring to my diagnosis of restricting type anorexia, no binging or bulimia. So of course, I am prescribed the one that doesn't suppress your appetite like some of the others (the ones I wanted tbh) but can also increase it.

Antidepressants usually take 4 to 6 weeks to have a noticeable effect, but I am worried that either I am going to be dealing with intense, insatiable hunger since I already don't feed myself to my stomach's content, or even worse, my worrying is going to turn any "normal" excess hunger into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So yeah, is anyone else here on antidepressants and maintaining or restricting?

[Tip] To anyone disappointed at the scale in the morning after fasting/working out/anything
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | 123.0 | BMI 19.93 | GW: 115]
Created: Fri May 26 07:49:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh23w/to_anyone_disappointed_at_the_scale_in_the/
I wanted to share this tidbit because I've seen so many people complain about fasting and the scale not budging. Usually it makes people want to binge/quit/give up.

So two days ago, I busted my butt at the gym and ate at a crazy deficit. Yesterday I weighed myself and GAINED a pound. I was pretty bummed, but decided that I would just eat at a deficit again. (Ended up b/p-ing but that's another story.)

Anyways, I woke up today and I'm TWO pounds lighter :D So in total, I lost a pound. But my point is, you won't always see immediate results. If you fast one day and the scale doesn't move the next day, please please don't let it ruin that day! You'll probably see results the next day or the day after that.

Have a great long weekend y'all!

[Rant/Rave] recover to win bf back (VENT)
Created: Fri May 26 07:49:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh23v/recover_to_win_bf_back_vent/
Soooooo a couple of months ago i cheated on my bf a few times in some impulsive and alcohol spree and as some weird way to get revenge on him (I dunno i'm BPD so its hard to explain lol). he's still with me but he says hes not going to be fully ready or committed unless i seek help for my ED and BPD (i was doing some DBT but stopped going)

im not ready but he doesnt understand, and im really sorry i hurt him but i dont think i can recover, and i just feel i need to push him away like before because hes the only one that really knows the real me but i dont want him to know. but at the same time i love him and want to be better, but i dont think i can.... :(

sorry, just needed to vent and im a bit high

[Thinspo] 16 yr old Paris Hilton out in LA
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 113.9 | GW ๐Ÿ’€]
Created: Fri May 26 07:48:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dh1w1/16_yr_old_paris_hilton_out_in_la/

[Discussion] [discussion] Did anyone else notice a huge interest in nutrients when they first began restricting?
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 26 07:37:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgzn3/discussion_did_anyone_else_notice_a_huge_interest/
I've been 600/700 kcal a day for about a month and a half now, and I've been watching a stupid amount of Supersize vs. Superskinny episodes on YouTube.

I've always been obseeeessed with the show, but lately I've been paying more and more attention to the bits with the superskinny where the host lectures them on nutrient deficiency, and it gets me thinking: Isn't this the only unhealthy thing about restriction? Being low on key nutrients and developing issues later on as a result?

I used to never give a shit about iron intake or calcium (which is specifically something I need to work on), but now I'm obsessed. I was diagnosed with severe vitamin-D deficiency liiiike almost a year ago, and I've taken supplements for that since, but lately it's kind of ridiculous. I take multivitamin gummies, an iron supplement, and my hypothyroid medication religiously, and I track all my nutritional info on MyFitnessPal. I can't even eat at a restaurant unless I google the nutritional info and log every single aspect of it. I used to just for calories, but now it's EVERYTHING.

Weirdly enough, I don't give a shit about macros.

Anyway tl;dr does anyone else care way more about nutrients than they ever did pre-ED?

[Rant/Rave] I just need some support is all
Created: Fri May 26 07:32:23 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgyro/i_just_need_some_support_is_all/
I've been feeling super sensitive about everything. Maybe it's my period and hormones but I just need some positivity, just a simple hey I'm on your side kind of thing. I've been feeling really alone and isolated more than ever and I've come to trust you guys. I'm sorry for being so weak lol...

[Rant/Rave] Hit GW but still restricting?
/u/vermillionfate [5'1 | CW: 97lbs | recovery, for now | โœจ]
Created: Fri May 26 07:17:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgw27/hit_gw_but_still_restricting/
My longtime GW was 99lbs just to hit double digits and I reached that, but continued to restrict and am now at 95lbs. I don't really want to keep losing weight but I also don't want to stop restricting either. I knew even before I hit my GW that I wouldn't feel particularly different and nothing about my core self beliefs would change, but it did feel really validating. Now that I'm beyond it and don't have a new GW I don't really know what I'm aiming for.

I guess a lot of the reason I restrict is because if I'm hungry then I can't feel my real feelings and I don't want to give that up.

Edit: on mobile, will flair when at laptop

[Rant/Rave] I thought I could have planned binges. I can't.
Created: Fri May 26 06:17:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgl2r/i_thought_i_could_have_planned_binges_i_cant/

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 26, 2017
Created: Fri May 26 06:13:39 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgkee/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_26/
This is the weekly picture thread for May 26, 2017.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 26, 2017
Created: Fri May 26 06:13:31 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dgkdq/daily_food_diary_may_26_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 26, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Damn u cookies
/u/jizzjazzspazz [5'5 | 138lbs | 23 bmi | -20lbs | 19F]
Created: Fri May 26 05:51:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dggrx/damn_u_cookies/
Chunky chocolate chip, 120kcal per serving, 14 servings. I tried to make you last. But I ate all of you in matter of two days. I thought my bf was helping. Nah, all me.


Almost 1/2 a lb.

Fuck this binge cycle. Also I haven't been able to poop in like three days so fuck that too.

Also I'm congested and my lungs hurt so working out makes me feel like I'm dying so I can't run as much as I'd like.

Just f.

EC stacking today and I feel my tummy grumbling due to the caffeine so I think I might poop. The cookies are gone so ig there is that.

Just whyyyy.

[Discussion] Is this normal?
/u/lyhndzie [5'5" | CW: 137.4lbs | BMI: 22.8 | -22 | F]
Created: Fri May 26 03:45:12 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dfyqv/is_this_normal/
I have been weighing in at 132 pounds for a few days. The most I had to eat is about 600 calories a day, so I know there's no way I have gained, right?

Wrong. I weighed in yesterday at 136, and today at 138. I have no idea how this has happened!!

Any idea on what could be causing this? I'm freaking out!

[Other] An update about the garbage that's been going on with my life
/u/chaosnanny [5'6 | way too much | -50lbs | F]
Created: Fri May 26 02:24:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dfov9/an_update_about_the_garbage_thats_been_going_on/
I posted a week or so back about having lost 25 pounds in a month due to a lot of stressful shit that had happened to me over that time, and a couple of people asked me how I was doing so I figured I'd do that.

I found a place! It's a small 2 bedroom in the town I wanted, we'll within my price range, and only a few blocks away from my best friend! It's perfect! I move in on the first.

That friend, who got into a pretty bad car accident a week and a half ago, is doing much better. Her back is still bothering her, but she's definitely better than she was.

I've been staying with a different friend in a nearby big city. Which sucks for multiple reasons, mainly that she's constantly bugging me to eat and that I hate big cities. But I am really enjoying spending time with her and it's awesome that I have friends that are willing to let me stay with them.

So yeah, that's what's going on with me. Off topic, I know, and if it's not allowed I'll take it down, but I figured since a couple people asked I'd put up an update. Thanks so much to everyone here, it's really awesome that this community exists.

[Other] Finished my first 36 hr fast, and gained almost 5lbs.
/u/rot_from_view [5'4" | CW: Sugar & Self-loathing | 24F ๐ŸŒผ]
Created: Fri May 26 00:17:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6df8n2/finished_my_first_36_hr_fast_and_gained_almost/


Please kill me.

[Discussion] All EDs occur in all weight ranges
Created: Thu May 25 23:28:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6df1kc/all_eds_occur_in_all_weight_ranges/
As someone who has been to ED residential places, probably 40% of people are normal weight, 40% overweight, 15% underweight, 5% obese.

Trust me here when i say that your weight does not play any part in your eating disorder. The only thing that it would matter in is the diagnosis for anorexia requires a certain BMI.

A little over half the people with "restricting" or "anorexia" only are overweight. It's one thing that is kind of surprising. You try not to judge, but there's a surprisingly high percentage of people diagnosed with anorexia in the past who physically recovered and are now overweight, but they never really recovered mentally. So their eating disorder is still very much active.

The 3 smallest persons here were all here for a combo of drugs and bulimia/EDNOS or just bulimia. The 3 heaviest were here for bulimia, and 2 for anorexia (remission).

Something else I've noticed in recovery is that people who purge tend to end on the lower side of normal than people who only restrict. I'm referring to people in later stages of recovery. I think it's because bulimics sort of find control in recovery. They adjust to following a meal plan, and everyone is too scared to veer off because of the fear that a single trigger food may collapse this recovery built on cards. I think with people who only restrict, recovery is more about facing trigger foods and the idea of intuitive eating. And because of that, it's easy to sort of surrender to any food urge/impulse you have and just eat because you're tired of hunger.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this for people who feel like they don't have an ED because they're not some weight. ED is in your head. Please remember that

[Help] I feel like I should go back to the restrict/binge cycle because at least I was losing then.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | I don't want to compete anymore | F]
Created: Thu May 25 22:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dew6v/i_feel_like_i_should_go_back_to_the_restrictbinge/
I have maintained my weight for the entirety of 2017 so far by attempting recovery. Honestly, I hate it. I want to lose weight again. Yes, the restrict/binge cycle was awful, but at least I lost weight. Idfk. Fuck. Wat do?

[Discussion] What's your occupation? [discussion]
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 150|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu May 25 22:41:16 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deuas/whats_your_occupation_discussion/
For those of us old folk who aren't in school anymore, what do you do for work? How does it affect your ED? I'm curious.

I work in a genetics research lab. I work long hours and I don't have a set lunch time (often I don't have any time) so it's easy to fly under the radar. The only trouble is that there are lots of journal clubs and seminars with free food!

[Other] How do you all cook tofu?
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu May 25 22:31:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6desue/how_do_you_all_cook_tofu/
I'm trying to cut down on meat so what are some yummy ways to cook extra firm tofu? I've had it fried which was good but I don't want to super overload on the cals, and I hate it just plain and chopped in salads. Any suggestions? Seasoning ideas would be awesome too!!

(I know this isn't really ED related but I feel like I can't post in any regular food/diet subs without people going through my post history and chastising me. That's one of the biggest reasons why I appreciate y'all. Other subs like refuse to give advice if they know you have an ED it seems.)

[Rant/Rave] Want to binge because I'll never be conventionally beautiful.
Created: Thu May 25 21:14:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deg9n/want_to_binge_because_ill_never_be_conventionally/

[Rant/Rave] [rant] Had a binge tonight for dinner...fml
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134.4 :c | GW: 100| -73.2 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 20:42:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deapx/rant_had_a_binge_tonight_for_dinnerfml/
I'm goin' two for two on the rants since I signed up to post. Woo hoo. :p

So I fucked up. So hard. I was doing good until today. My days off work are so much more annoying to keep my calories under control.

I was under 700 cal Monday through Wednesday but tonight I really screwed the pooch. Two beers, bacon wrapped southwest eggroll, half a bacon wrapped tortilla philly cheese, half a massive block of Reese's fudge covered bacon brownie, almost a serving of cinnamon sugar sweet potato fries, and at LEAST two servings of caramel m&ms (they aren't even that good!) plus a 12oz glass of almond milk. :(

I just wanted to rant. I feel like every time I don't go to work I can't control my shit. I think having to pay a bill on an already almost-maxed credit card triggered it today. Ugh. I feel sick.

[Thinspo] Hey lovelies! I've gathered a bunch of stuff I think you might enjoy. From 100 things to do instead of eat to low calorie foods to thinspo, I have it all!
Created: Thu May 25 20:40:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6deabj/hey_lovelies_ive_gathered_a_bunch_of_stuff_i/

[Discussion] [discussion] what are your favorite, easy ways to burn 100 cals?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 20:27:04 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6de82g/discussion_what_are_your_favorite_easy_ways_to/
I know for a lot of us, actually going to the gym and exercising can be hard, especially on heavy restriction/fast days. But short, 100-calorie burn exercises are much more doable and if you do a couple a day spaced out, you can burn as much as you might from running. So what are some of your favorite 100-cal burns? Mine is simple but walking to and from school every gets me an extra 100-150 without feeling like exercise at all.

[Help] Just started working at a subway, give me all your low cal choices please.
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess [5'9 | GW: 120 | -15 | F20]
Created: Thu May 25 19:48:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6de1bg/just_started_working_at_a_subway_give_me_all_your/
You get looked at funny if you turn down your free sub, so I've been trying to make it low cal and damn this is a little harder than I thought.. (Especially when it's all fucking laid out in front of me and it's all fucking free even double meat and cheese and fucking kill me) Help please?

[Rant/Rave] Take a break from your values
/u/mayflowers25 [5'5" F | CW 114.4 | GW ๐Ÿ’€]
Created: Thu May 25 18:34:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ddnu5/take_a_break_from_your_values/

[Rant/Rave] hello darkness, i'm fucking hungry
/u/blondecurlyhair [5'4" | CW: 137.9 | 24.1 | -60lbs | 22F ๐ŸŒท]
Created: Thu May 25 17:33:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ddccw/hello_darkness_im_fucking_hungry/
I made dinner plans with my friend for tonight that were supposed to happen literally right now, and she texts me and says she can't make it. Like, this is annoying for normal people, but damn I fasted all damn day for this and I'm so so hungry. and this completely ruined my vibe, I was already bummed about my hair thinning so much this relapse and now this. :(

What's it like to not have your life revolve around food???

[Help] Will a psychiatrist in the UK prescribe me wellbutrin??
/u/entropy2426 [5'8 | 118 | 17.75 | 32lbs]
Created: Thu May 25 17:27:14 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6ddb0y/will_a_psychiatrist_in_the_uk_prescribe_me/
I'm seeing a psych soon for the first time for my fun and extensive list of mental health issues. I'm not planning on mentioning anything to do with eating, perks of ednos is that i do not obviously have an eating disorder. in fact i am really hoping that i can get prescribed wellbutrin. i stupidly took myself off zoloft a few weeks ago and things are bad i cant stop binging and i desperately need antidepressants but i am trying to hold out until this appointment so i can start wellbutrin asap without needing to withdraw from zoloft again.

however i recently read that in the uk you can't get prescribed wellbutrin except for as zyban to stop smoking. does anyone from the uk get this on prescription, or off label for any reason???? i dont even just want it for ed reasons - my main reason is actually that i think it would work a lot better for my atypical depression symptoms (i think i am likely bipolar ii). is there any chance at all a psych will give me wellbutrin, or are there other antidepressants they might prescribe which will help me stop binging??

[Discussion] Fellow vegans of proED
Created: Thu May 25 16:51:44 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dd3y8/fellow_vegans_of_proed/
I've decided to go vegan for the animals after doing research and reading a couple books on factory farming. However, many vegans on the internet don't count calories and eat LOADS. Obviously I don't want to do that. Can you guy give me some of your tips/recipes?

I love you all <3

[Discussion] Does anybody else have a piece of clothing you're hoping to be able to wear one day?
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:50:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dd3rm/does_anybody_else_have_a_piece_of_clothing_youre/
So the cute dress I was waiting for just came in the mail. I ordered a size S, so that I can wear it once I reach my goal weight. It's so pretty and I just can't wait to see how it'll look on me! [Here it is](http://i.imgur.com/ew5wWX4.jpg) by the way. Excuse the black spots and shit, I broke my phone's camera.

So what about you guys? Do any of you have a piece of clothing like this? If yes, I would love to see it!

[Discussion] Anyone else worry about having kids?
/u/PrincessLex92 [5'4 | SW146 | CW125.4 | UGW110 | 25F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:50:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dd3oj/anyone_else_worry_about_having_kids/
Is there evidence to suggest having an eating disorder can be genetic? It's one reason Im 90% sure I don't ever want to have kids. I wouldn't want to take a chance on making someone suffer the way I do. :(

[Thinspo] Is any one watching American Gods?
Created: Thu May 25 16:14:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dcw9l/is_any_one_watching_american_gods/
Oh my god, Laura Moon is just goals!!


[Rant/Rave] Evil Eye and The Mysteries of The World
/u/itscirclejerky [5'5 | CW: 135 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:11:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dcvo1/evil_eye_and_the_mysteries_of_the_world/
You guys know about evil eye right? Where your jealousy destroys the feature you're envious of?
Well, as a Muslim I very much believe in this and for the past five to six I've had a migraine. Being thick as heck, my first thought was brain tumour, but I was talking about it with my mum and she said that the only explanation for a migraine lasting this long is the 'evil eye'.
Of course my first thought was 'who the fuck would be jealous of me? What do I even have to be jealous of?'
What would people even like about me? I've been told I'm pretty, but what about me is pretty? My too big lips? My uneven eyes? My wonky hairline?
I've been told my hair is cool, I know the colour I dyed it isn't bad, but the cut is horrible, the length is too short and its dyed ends are bushy.
My body certainly can't be nice, with my lumpy thighs, my many chins and my chubby fingers and feet.
I know I have a skewed perception of myself, but I'm concerned for whoever is jealous of my body because I would legitimately rather be turned into a tomato than live the rest of my life trapped in this meatsuit I call home. What a funny place the world is isn't it, where the grass is greener on the other side.

[Help] Zoloft and Weight Gain/Loss
/u/queenbeyoncexo [5'4" | CW 148.2 lbs | -11.8 lbs | GW 120 lbs | 22F]
Created: Thu May 25 16:00:28 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dctbg/zoloft_and_weight_gainloss/
My doctor wants me to try Zoloft. Is anybody here on it, and if so has it caused weight gain or loss?

[Rant/Rave] Bloated like whoa.
Created: Thu May 25 14:22:21 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc7wf/bloated_like_whoa/
Help me. Guzzling water with lemon and it's not helping and I swear to God if I have to look at this huge gut one more time I'll just spontaneously combust. What do you guys do??

[Rant/Rave] this sub is a much more positive place than I expected it to be
/u/airbud1997 [5'8 / 126 lbs / GW 100 / BMI 19]
Created: Thu May 25 14:14:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc61a/this_sub_is_a_much_more_positive_place_than_i/
for some reason when I pictured pro ED, I thought it would be a bunch of people yelling at me and calling me a fat fuck for admitting when I binge

instead it's a lot of support from people going through the same shit and it makes me feel better just lurking here

yesterday when I had a "fuck it" moment and decided I wanted to go to the store and buy an entire bag of chips to eat by myself, all I could think about was this sub! instead I turned around and went home, made myself a healthy supper

idk, I'm glad to be here I guess.

[Help] [help] I feel like I'm going to die of self-loathing
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 107 | GW: 94 | 18.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 14:00:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc2pe/help_i_feel_like_im_going_to_die_of_selfloathing/
I'm feeling so shitty and you guys are the only people I know who will get it. I've been feeling up and down for weeks, but recently my scale weighed me in at a much much higher number than it should have been and I've started to give up hope. Every time I see myself I just want to die because I look so fat and disproportionate and no matter what I tell myself I can't seem to make it better. And now I'm visiting my parents and there are mirrors everywhere, including all over my room, and so much food that I shouldn't eat, and I can feel myself gaining and gaining and I don't feel like I can do anything about it. Yesterday I ate over 2000 calories (!!!) and even with 700 calories of exercise it was still a gain day. There's a workout machine here but every time I get on it I feel like I can't breathe and I think at some point I injured my hips because they're killing me. And of course it had to be the hips which is my biggest point of dysmorphia. And I'm worried that if I exercise and I'm not eating at a deficit I'll just gain a ton of muscle mass and my scale number will go up and I'll get all bulky, so I'm scared of running but also scared of not running.
I feel like I'm watching all my progress get erased so quickly when it took me ages to get here and I feel powerless to do anything about it. And my dad is "dieting" but he's doing it all wrong which is super triggering to me, but nobody in my family knows I struggle with an ED so I'm trying not to do anything that would seem suspicious... and on top of that I have a family member with the exact body I want that I'm being made to spend time around and my family is very comparison and body focused and I'm so tired of feeling constantly on the brink of tears.
I don't know. I guess I just needed someone to listen and understand.

[Rant/Rave] I hate being on the fence (rant)
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 13:54:49 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc1kt/i_hate_being_on_the_fence_rant/
My ED was utterly convinced that my weight loss wasn't real, that one day away from purging and a full (meal plan) sized dinner would shift my weight back up high enough from water retention that my dietician wouldn't be aware. I had the urge to double check that this morning but I didn't. I should have.

As soon as I stepped off the scale I got that "trying to hide concern" face and her chatter somewhat stalled. As soon as the usual off track small talk faded out, she dug in. She flat out said my weight was dropping, asked me if I was lying (which naturally I lied about), and we tried to figure out what it was from. I've been honest about some restriction (because saying I've been following my meal plan to a T is ridiculous and a red flag) and I played it off like I had some idea that my weight was dropping but thought it was my ED playing games with my head and I think I'm in the clear. She said we'll keep an eye on it but if I keep trending down she'll increase my meal plan.

I'm far from underweight so that pissed me off a bit. I know I won't binge while on vacation, but I will allow myself more "fear foods" because I can do it in moderation with others. The ED part of me is pumped about the concern, but the recovery side of me is pissed that I'm a lying sack of shit. I truly love my team, they go to bat for me all the time, so the fact that I'm back to being deceitful makes me feel like a huge piece of shit.

I just want to pick a side. Recovery or ED. The tug of war is exhausting.

[Discussion] [discussion] Post ur favorite safe/lowcal foods here and help add to my grocery list!
Created: Thu May 25 13:47:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dc02u/discussion_post_ur_favorite_safelowcal_foods_here/
Here's what I have already~~~

Low cal lemonade

sugar free jello

100 cal no sug. added fruit cups

50 cal Tuna cans

50 cal Fruit leather

Raw popcorn

Kiwis!!! ๐Ÿฅ

Smol "rockit" apples (http://rockitapple.com) ILY ๐Ÿ’ž sm


No sug. added applesauce




**Edit~ I went shopping and used some of your suggestions! Thanks guys! ๐Ÿ’ž**

[Discussion] [discussion] Cool ED band names or usernames?
Created: Thu May 25 13:35:02 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbxbe/discussion_cool_ed_band_names_or_usernames/
Ever thought of an ED band name or cool username? I just did and although my account's already made I thought it would be cool to share:

bleach on cookies (bleach_on_cookies)

SoCal LoCal (SoCal_LoCal)

waterdye-it (get it "water" "diet"?)

mt.stomach (looks like mountain but also "EM-TEE")

or on the same thought: mt.plate

Do you guys have any or am I crazy lol? Some of you already have creative usernames though ๐Ÿฌ

[Rant/Rave] Positive comment on my body!
Created: Thu May 25 12:50:43 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbn5p/positive_comment_on_my_body/
Today I was looking at something with a couple of guys that could be a safety hazard if you fell into it a little it (like caught in between, could break a leg or fall through or something, except falling through would be impossible for anyone but like an infant).

So we were discussing these things and I said something about falling in and breaking a leg and this cuuute (average size) guy showing it to me (there was another really big guy there too) said something like "well YOU might fall in", saying that I would but they wouldn't, because I'm so small (which I'm not).

It was such a confidence boost! But at the same time, I look down at my stomach and thighs and huge saggy boobs right now and I have blobby arms and all I see is a fat whale and I want to be able to actually fall through that thing. ๐Ÿ˜”

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I'm such a fucking pig and I hate myself sm
Created: Thu May 25 12:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbiio/rant_im_such_a_fucking_pig_and_i_hate_myself_sm/
Yesterday went so well I only ate 210 calories, and today started off well but I had to go out to eat.... and I binged on meat and cake.... and I ate so much I got comments like "oink oink" cause I ate so much. And then they started talking like "oh every time I come to [insert name of buffet restaurant] I always BINGE so much..." followed by stuff like "it's so unhealthy to eat like this if you did this every day..." I literally hate myself so much. I also hate it when people make me go out to eat with them UGH. I know they meant no harm but I don't think they realized how damaging those comments can be. People please just stop commenting on what I eat okay???? It's like "wow that's all" When I restrict and "wow you're going back for more?!" When I overeat and I hate it sm. I could literally feel my fat thighs expanded while I ate. It wasn't even good food either. It tasted like vomit and dish soap half the time (cheap restaurant). I hate myself ugh.

Rant over sorry guys. :(

[Rant/Rave] Issues
Created: Thu May 25 12:19:37 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6dbg0x/issues/
In primary and middle school, I used to get rejected a lot. I'd always be the spare friend you'd never want to be with unless you had nothing better to do. I've decided to make peace with that part if my life, you know, maybe I just experienced it ten times what it really was, maybe they actually liked me.
I have sent a friend request to ines, a chick I used to hang out with during middle school, she sent me a message saying hi but i am not ready yet to talk tl her.
I also reconnected with joanne, that girl I used to consider my best friend during primary school, maybe because she never really rejected me, she was more like, following what the others decided to do about me (yeah IK, pathetic). We made plans over a week ago, to have a drink tonight together. She sent me a text, at H-10 minutes, canceling.
Now I feel like I'm crumbling from the inside. It feels like I am still as pathetic as I used to be, I'm almost feeling torn inside, I have worked really hard on myself these last few years, to be likeable, and not a pain in the ass anymore. I made some real friends, people I love and who love me back, but now it feels like it was for nothing.

[Help] Snack suggestions
Created: Thu May 25 11:53:51 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db9vf/snack_suggestions/

[Rant/Rave] I love the way mmMMMmmmMmM EDNOS makes you feel invalidated
Created: Thu May 25 11:52:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db9mr/i_love_the_way_mmmmmmmmmmm_ednos_makes_you_feel/
i've had a few days of high restriction (800-1000) including eating out and i'm like @myself: do i even have an eating disorder????? what if i'm just impatient and wanna be skinny now but like deep down i'm like cmon bih you know you've got trauma and restriction is how you feel in control of your life

[Rant/Rave] The best part about a weekend-long music festival?
/u/backand_forth [5'6" | 123.0 | BMI 19.93 | GW: 115]
Created: Thu May 25 11:25:05 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db372/the_best_part_about_a_weekendlong_music_festival/
No one can monitor what I'm eating and no one eats a lot anyway. AND I'll be walking around and dancing all weekend. I can't wait to do a before and after weigh-in!

[Help] Kinda wanna check myself into a hospital, kinda wanna die, kinda wanna find a nice hole to crawl into.
/u/cuxtmuffin [5'4|UGW 104]
Created: Thu May 25 11:11:27 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6db030/kinda_wanna_check_myself_into_a_hospital_kinda/
So I've posted before but I have a plethora of mental health issues including ED, borderline personality, and bipolar. My depression and depersonalization at are an all time high (low?) and honestly I feel like I want to disappear. I've been hopsitalized before which kind of helped actually because it gave me like a mental break from everything + helped me get on meds that I needed but like, damn. I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even feel like a person and I don't feel like I belong on earth at all. //dramatic// Anyway I definitely will NOT tell them anything about my ED if I do go because god forbid they force me to eat. And honestly I'm scared to go because I won't know what the calorie counts are in the food they give me and I won't have my phone to be able to look it up. God I just need a break. I don't even know.

[Rant/Rave] Not ED related victory that I want to share for the people here who know me!!!!
/u/theobeseana [5'7"|CW176|HW206|GW114|she/her/hers]
Created: Thu May 25 10:52:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6davj6/not_ed_related_victory_that_i_want_to_share_for/
So my grades for the last semester just came out and I cried out of happiness. I got a 3.93 for what has been the hardest semester of my life.

I was taking the entry class for my major and genuinely thought I would get a B if I was lucky, and I got an A!!!

I have other people to to share this with, but there's nobody else I can rejoice in saying that my ED didn't fuck my life up. This was the hardest few months of my eating disorder in my life and I was afraid that it, along with other mental health issues, would really knock me off track and show on my transcript. I know you all understand how hard it is to study when you're literally starving and I just can't believe I did it. Holy shit I'm still just in disbelief. AHHHHHHHHH.

Thank you thank you everyone for the support, I honestly think you all got me through this semester alive.

[Rant/Rave] It's the little things [rave]
/u/pussibilities [5'5|CW 150|GW 140|UGW 125|22F]
Created: Thu May 25 10:23:57 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6daoqm/its_the_little_things_rave/
Bought a knee length skater skirt online about a month ago. When I tried it on, it zipped but was WAY too tight. This is rare for me since I have a fairly small waist and it's not really my problem area. Anyway, I'm comfortably wearing it today and everyone is telling me how nice I look. I'm starting to feel better!

[Help] EC stack-- adjustment period?
/u/blackcoffeegreentea [5'9" | 145 | 21.4 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 09:42:00 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6daeve/ec_stack_adjustment_period/
Hi all!

I just started trying EC stack (bonus of living on my own!), and was wondering about other peoples' experiences with side effects, especially at the beginning. Yesterday morning was my first time, and I felt like my heart was going to either explode or just vibrate right out of my chest for about an hour and a half. I certainly lost my appetite, but I also was unable to do pretty much anything for that whole time except sit shaking on the floor. After about 90 minutes my heart was still pounding and my hands were still trembling, but it was less extreme and I was able to get up and get some work done. I wasn't hungry ALL DAY which was awesome, but I did feel pretty wobbly still for a solid 3-4 hours which isn't ideal.

This morning I tried taking just the ephedrine first (I've had more experience with regular ol' caffeine jitters and they don't scare me). My heart is pounding again and my hands are shaking so much it's difficult to type. I also feel like my brain is fuzzy, like it's literally being vibrated around in my skull or something. BUT, I'm not hungry at all and I don't think I'll want to eat all day after this... so I'm kind of tempted to keep going (I don't like the fact that I'm losing multiple hours of productivity... and I know there are actual potential serious risks... but it also seems like it's WORKING which feels like a goddamn miracle...)

Did any of you experience extreme side effects from EC stack, and were you able to adjust to these side effects after a time? (and if so, how long did it take?) Thank you!!

[Intro] Lurker coming out.
Created: Thu May 25 09:02:42 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6da5v1/lurker_coming_out/
Hi everyone. I have been lurking here for a while and finally decided to "come out" of lurkdom. Posting from my alternate account on mobile, so forgive any formatting issues, please.

I am in my mid thirties and have had a bad relationship with food since around 16 years old. I fluctuate between 100lbs to 160lbs at 5"0' depending on whether I am depressed (binging) or coming out of depression and exerting meticulous control over what I allow myself to consume. I spent most of the last 3 years in a binge cycle and got to my HW of 160lbs during that time, and as my relationship deteriorated and my family (we have 4 kids, 3 of which are my bio kids) was plunged into chaos, I began restricting again roughly 3 weeks ago.

I hate that not eating makes me happier. I also hate wearing 60lbs extra of weight on my small frame. It's unfortunate that my SO and I are reconnecting physically and emotionally through my restricting personality after 3 years of turmoil and me throwing his ring back at him a few weeks ago because he cheated (emotional affair, but they met and kissed once), and I felt so DONE. We have been together for over 7 years, and we have a beautiful family, though. If me starving makes everyone happier, then that's what I will do.

At 35, restricting isn't dropping the lbs as quickly as it did in the past. 3 weeks in at 250-800 calories a day, and I've managed to budge the scale roughly 10lbs. It's disheartening, because the last time this happened (post childbirth after my two back to back pregnancies) I shed almost 20lbs in about 4 weeks eating the same way. I'm going to attribute some of that to breastfeeding and chasing a toddler while attached to an infant, and try to be easy on myself. My set point is 120lbs, and I can easily get there by eating better foods, but I prefer the way I look and the way clothes look on my body at 100lbs, so I will persevere. Progress is progress, right?

Anyways, there isn't much of a point to this post. Just me venting and introducing myself.

[Help] Already freaking out ._.
/u/LittleSkittles [5'4" | 91.6 lbs | 15.72 | GW 70 lbs | 20F]
Created: Thu May 25 08:52:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6da3k3/already_freaking_out/
Okay, so my boyfriend and I are going to this BBQ on Saturday, and I'm *so* close to shitting a brick in fear. My boyfriend knows all about my ED and the varied and sundry other things that make me insane, so it's not as daunting as it could be.

But this is one of the first things he's been invited to by the people at his new job, and I don't want to be awkward and mess this up for him. I haven't met anyone from his job yet. His work friends are apparently dying to meet me, which I know he said as reassurance that they'll like me, but my brain did the thing and now it feels like so much pressure to be perfect.

We're all stoners, so there'll be a lot of weed being smoked. I don't really get the munchies anymore, but I know it weakens my resolve a little bit. On the other hand, I definitely don't want to just not smoke any all day, because my anxiety will kill me if I'm stone-cold sober.

Also, we've got one hell of a heat wave in Ireland at the moment, so it's basically shorts and tank top weather if you want to avoid heatstroke.

So I don't know if I should go, if it's worse if I don't or if I do. If I do go, will it be more awkward if I don't eat, or eat something then possibly breakdown over it? If I do go, what the hell do I wear that will fit the occasion, and not make me want to run away and hide? If I do go, and I ruin everything, then what? And the two pettiest questions on my mind; what if no one likes me? what if they're all thinner than me? What the hell do I do then?

I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest.

I'm sorry for how all over the place this is, I guess I'm just hoping for some advice or some support or someone to tell me to stop being so crazy and stupid over this.

Guys, help, please ._.

[Rant/Rave] I got the flu and lost 4 pounds.
Created: Thu May 25 08:43:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6da1gs/i_got_the_flu_and_lost_4_pounds/
I haven't felt like eating much in the last few days just because I've been sick. I'm not even slightly hungry. I forced myself to eat maybe 500 calories a day. I'm super well hydrated from drinking insane amounts of tea, so I know it's not just water weight.

Other than having a stuffy nose and some crazy body aches, I feel like having the flu full time would be my ideal diet. I don't even think about food because I just don't want it. I'm not scared about overeating because I just struggled my way through a 100 calorie yogurt. There is no way I could binge and no way I could gain weight.

And the best part? No one judges you for what you eat when you're sick. All you're gonna have to eat is tea and apples and maybe some soup? Sounds like a good recovery diet.

[Rant/Rave] *Lost* weight on my period :D
/u/bumblebee945 [5"2| CW: ๐Ÿ˜ท | GW: 90 ]
Created: Thu May 25 08:31:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9yw5/lost_weight_on_my_period_d/
I tried to resist the urge to weigh myself this week as I'm on my period and know I always gain ~4 lbs around this time. I have a lot going on with dental school apps and some other things so I didn't want to distract myself with the stress of my weight. But of course, I couldn't hold out much longer and weighed myself this morning (it was even after eating 1/2 a banana and I haven't pooped yet either (sorry for tmi)) and I lost 3 lbs! Last time I weighed myself was the Tuesday the 16th (b/c I was out of town with no scale for a while then I got my period and didn't weight myself) so I might have actually lost that much or at the very least I lost 1.5 lbs which is still a win for me!!

I haven't even been counting this week, and have really just been focusing on getting enough protein. I think not obsessing over the numbers/food (and instead obsessing over everything else wrong with my life *nervous laugh*) I actually did myself a big favor!! I'm so happy.

[Thinspo] Teri Hatcher
Created: Thu May 25 08:06:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9tdw/teri_hatcher/

[Intro] Well I guess I'm back
/u/coffeecoffeecoffee90 [5'5" | CW: ??? | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 07:45:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9pcp/well_i_guess_im_back/
I've been lurking for about a month now but I figured I'd just make a post. I sought therapy to try and recover back in January and confirmed that my ED is a symptom of mild depression and low self worth from being fired from my job in 2015. It's a long story but I was harassed by a coworker and told it was my fault by HR, then fired.

I got another job quickly but it was horrible and I stayed way too long because I couldn't handle job searching again. I'm starting a new job next week thankfully.

I did okay at maintaining until I started job searching about a month ago. I couldn't handle the stress of everything plus recovery, but restricting was BAD so I started binging. Then purging. Then binging with the intent to purge, which was a first. There was a week recently where I b/ped every day for 6 days. I feel like a fat failure so I'm restricting again.

The decision to come back to my old habits was such a relief, it was incredible. It sounds so fucked up but embracing my relapse has given me such a high for the past two weeks. Restricting makes me feel so fucking good it's like a drug. I don't know what I weigh because I can't ask my husband for the scale back without him knowing something is up, but I don't even care about the numbers anymore. I know this is wrong and I should start therapy again but it's so expensive and I don't really want help right now.

I mostly just needed to get this off my chest and this community is so supportive. This is the only place where I know I won't be judged for making shitty decisions about my mental health <3

[Rant/Rave] My colleague commented on my Coke zero habit [Rant]
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | 58kg | BMI 19.38 |- 15kg | GW 52kg | 24F]
Created: Thu May 25 07:39:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9o4q/my_colleague_commented_on_my_coke_zero_habit_rant/
So my colleague and I were discussing if we were savoury or sweet people and I said "I'm definitely more savoury" thinking crisps, chips, pasta... Much more tempting than chocolate etc to me.

She says "oh I don't know, you DO drink a lot of fizzy".

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but this really rubbed me up the wrong way. Is she judging me? Probably. I fucking hate this job. If I didn't need the money I would quit tomorrow.

Also it's coke zero and it makes me feel like I'm actually eating something. Not full fat coke. That's a long way off my friend.

She's really thin and tall as well (like 5 ft 9 and a good 20lbs lighter than me) so that was another kick in the gut. Does she think I'm fat? Probably. Everyone probably does.

On the other hand, restricting is going well. Wrote a plan of what I'm going to buy when I reach every kg to my goal weight.

[Discussion] DAE watch Tasty's Tiny Kitchen videos on FB and think, I could totally eat an entire cookie/donut/birthday cake (and not feel terrible afterwards) if it was that small...
Created: Thu May 25 07:30:17 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9m7h/dae_watch_tastys_tiny_kitchen_videos_on_fb_and/

[Rant/Rave] Even FB is checking up on me
/u/draupert [170cm | CW 57kg | BMI 19,7 | GW 45kg | F]
Created: Thu May 25 06:47:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9dwu/even_fb_is_checking_up_on_me/
FB prompted me to update my profile today with [this](http://imgur.com/RoGh7s9), if only they knew lol. I'm just kidding, however I do hate when people ask me that question, I get nervous trying to make up a reply because saying "nothing because I'd like to disappear into nothingness" may give away what kind of a maniac I am hah.

I've been flirting/texting/meeting up with someone new over the last few weeks and he asks me food-related questions all the time, I wonder if he suspects. I think I was a bit too open at the start because ED-related dishonesty killed my last relationship and I wanted to prevent that. But now he keeps asking me if I've eaten.

Anyway that's all the ramble for today!

[Help] I've been binging for a couple months straight and have suddenly dropped a kilogram.
/u/whatisthisshow2002 [5'2" |48kg|19| 6kg | F]
Created: Thu May 25 06:20:34 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d9925/ive_been_binging_for_a_couple_months_straight_and/
Help, I'm so sorry but I'm so confused. For the past couple months, I've been aiming for 1200 but have been binging and eating above my maintenance, 1400 calories. I've been sedentary and haven't done any exercise (injuries are fun). I'm averaging 1500-2000 wich is insane for my 5'2" frame. But I weighed myself today and in the past few days, I've lost one kilogram. Not sure how and it's freaking me out because this isn't supposed to be happening and it's out of my control which isn't the kind of weight loss I want.

I haven't been eating healthier and I haven't done anything to lose weight. Are my scales wrong? Should I be worried? What if I never lost any weight and my scales have just been failing me?
Oh my god this is out of my control and it's so scary and I'm sorry but I just binged again.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 25, 2017
Created: Thu May 25 06:11:03 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d97g2/weekly_emotional_support_may_25_2017/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 25, 2017
Created: Thu May 25 06:10:35 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d97dg/daily_food_diary_may_25_2017/
This is a daily food diary thread for May 25, 2017.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else have a "fuck it" mentality?
/u/probablywithmydog [5'2 | 112lbs | 20.5(standard)| F]
Created: Thu May 25 05:53:48 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d94lk/does_anyone_else_have_a_fuck_it_mentality/
I've noticed that the only days that I ever binge are when I make ONE mistake-it could just be a couple hundred calories more than planned- and I'm just like, fuck it, my day is already ruined so I might as well eat everything in sight.

Yesterday my parents brought home pizza for dinner and I was only planning on eating one slice to stay within my calorie goal but I accidentally ate a second and afterwards I was like "fuck it" and ate a crap ton of ice cream, chocolate, pie, and granola. I turned like 300 calories over my limit into like 3000-4000 calories over my limit ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

[Goal] A deficit is a deficit
/u/thinthinner-thinnest [183cm | 60.6kg | BMI (standard): 18.10 | 21F ๐ŸŒฑ]
Created: Thu May 25 05:06:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d8x8f/a_deficit_is_a_deficit/
Maybe I wanted it to be a bigger deficit, maybe I ate 317 more calories than I planned, but I am still under my BMR and TDEE and that is a success and I do not need to feel stressed or beat myself up about it.

And neither do you.

[Other] Just curious, what is everyone's sign?
/u/queenbeyoncexo [5'4" | CW 148.2 lbs | -11.8 lbs | GW 120 lbs | 22F]
Created: Thu May 25 04:12:32 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d8pju/just_curious_what_is_everyones_sign/
What is your sun sign? And if you happen to know, what's your moon sign? I'm an Aries sun, Cancer moon.

๐Ÿ˜Š maybe there's a trend.

[Other] It's 5 AM and I can't sleep. ew don't read this
Created: Thu May 25 04:09:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d8p1i/its_5_am_and_i_cant_sleep_ew_dont_read_this/

[Discussion] Does this happen to anyone else?
/u/Shelbolovesnate [5'2" | 96.6 | 18.30 | 38.4 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 01:55:54 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d88el/does_this_happen_to_anyone_else/
Often times if I have a bad binge and unsuccessful purge, the skin on my calves/shins gets super tight and painful. I know I never drink enough water and my SO suggested it might be water retention, so I tried drinking a lot more the next time it happened and it made it sooo much worse. Depending on the severity of the binge it usually goes away in a day or two as long as I start losing weight again and stop binging, but the time I drank more water it lasted 3 or 4. (Maybe even more, can't quite remember.) Wondering if anyone else experiences this.

[Rant/Rave] I feel so sneaky :D
/u/satanAMA [5'9 | too much | BMI 22 | 50lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 25 01:55:33 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d88ct/i_feel_so_sneaky_d/
I know, sorry for the two posts in one day buuuuut I'm so proud of myself for my sneaky bastard-ness.

Ate 1200 calories today in a single binge hour (I restricted to 600kcal yesterday, so that's a binge for me). Boyfriend chucked me two pieces of chocolate, and then another two. He's sweet but I internally panicked. I put them in my mouth because I am binge monster.. then "took my medication and brushed my teeth", spitting it out in the process. Even put toilet paper over it in the loo so no one would see! I felt like a genius. Then the other two I gave to my mum so bonus brownie points with her.

Def an ED Rave!

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Why does Fireball have to be so calorie dense????
/u/SomeoneCoolerThanYou [5'5" | CW fat | -15 lbs | UGW 109 lbs | F]
Created: Thu May 25 00:59:36 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d81bx/rant_why_does_fireball_have_to_be_so_calorie_dense/
And why do I always have to drunk eat?

God help me.

[Other] About feeling liberated, planning my trip and fasting
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Thu May 25 00:32:56 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7xtm/about_feeling_liberated_planning_my_trip_and/
It's so weird. A couple of days ago was the first time I admitted having an ED in this forum (only) and to myself obviously. It helped enormously and felt liberating. I am letting myself live out a lot of things right now. Things that I tried to restrain myself from doing or that I kept doing secretly even though I know that nobody knows. nobody would even think that I had issues of this kind.
And at the moment I am alone in the middle of nowhere, so why would I care to hide things :)

So I for example accepted, that I might still want to be just a little thinner than I was before my last binge. You wouldn't believe that in 5days and after punishing myself by not getting rid of it, I probably had 4kg of food in me. I had a 3day food baby until yesterday until I made a SW-Flush, because of a huge bloating. It was very effective.

So in two weeks I will continue travelling and a lot of food awaits me.
I am a paper person. I love writing in general and I love doing it with paper and pen. I have a paper notebook, lots of loose papers as well and kind of a paper agenda that I organise myself... I think closest to it is bullet journaling. Just that my Agenda-Thingy has a totally different system and probably no one would understand shit, but it's the only system that works for me. Perfect for a ADHD person. (Lot's of things I then also back-up on my phone and some apps...just because it's how I need it to be...)
I make a lot of lists, notes, research, weird calculations, etc.
At the moment I am planning what foods I will have to try and the calories they have. I try to eat maintenance on my feeding days, so I calculate how big my total allowance is and how much energy the food will give me.
I am at the point now, that I am already combining them, making some kind of meal plans for a day. So I don't feel stuffed and overeat.

I started a prolonged water fast (it's my third) to detox from all the shit I stuffed myself with as this helps me a lot. I love the clarity, the focus, the energy during the fast. I love the break after as well. I usually break very slowly - another 3days of juice(something I would never drink normally-sweet beverages and juices in general) and 2days apples for example... then I start introducing other foods. Until now it also never messed up with my good eating habits.

The thing is, that I don't worry so much about having an ED as such, I just really want to keep myself from b/p.

Anyways, thanks for having me here. Being able to share is so freeing.

Spelling is strange
Created: Wed May 24 23:56:01 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7slw/spelling_is_strange/

[Discussion] I have an entire collection on Instagram to look at when I'm tempted to eat. Anyone else do this?
Created: Wed May 24 22:43:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7hob/i_have_an_entire_collection_on_instagram_to_look/

[Discussion] Overestimating portions?
/u/tiredoldyouth [5'9.5" | CW: 130 | BMI: 18.51 | GW: 125]
Created: Wed May 24 22:28:30 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7faf/overestimating_portions/
Anybody else start weighing food and find out they were way overestimating their number of calories eaten?

When I got my food scale back out recently (and replaced the battery), I found out that a lot of the foods I had been estimating by volume or just eyeballing were a significant percentage *smaller* than I thought! Like 20% on average! That includes fruit, nuts, popcorn, and dressings so far. I've been so paranoid about portion size for so long that I guess I inflated them in my head. Good news, I guess? Not that it makes up for all the binges.

On mobile, please flair as discussion.

[Discussion] Long time lurker.. I'm curious, how old is everyone?
Created: Wed May 24 22:14:24 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7d02/long_time_lurker_im_curious_how_old_is_everyone/
Hey guys. I'm super new but not new to lurking. Decided to make an account just so I can join in the conversations and what not.

I'm currently 21, but 22 in August. I don't see much about ages in here, but I wanna see if there's anyone my age, or if I'm gonna be the oldest.. Because..i would feel really awkward lol

[Other] Feeling out of place leading to more ED thoughts
/u/mmahmotivation14 [5'7" | CW: 129.6 | BMI: 20.3 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 22:10:26 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d7cb8/feeling_out_of_place_leading_to_more_ed_thoughts/
In my spare time I'm involved with theater and when I got asked to be a part of a show that was right up my alley as crew I signed on in a heartbeat. Artistically, I love it. It's a joy to see come to life. That being said, I feel completely disconnected at the same time. I feel like the outsider at every rehearsal. I have friends in the cast, but I still feel a degree of distance. I don't know if it's my own insecurity creating that distance or not.

With that running through my mind, I am HYPERFOCUSED on my appearance. The women in the cast are mostly tiny, only 2 are not "tiny" but still beautiful. I feel like I'm always going to be this ugly fat blob that's only meant for dark spaces and to not be seen. It sucks, and reminds me why I stepped away from theater to begin with.

I know I can't fix my lack of talent and connection with weight loss, but I can at least feel like I did something productive.

[Discussion] How do you
Created: Wed May 24 21:41:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d77fi/how_do_you/
How do you guys make your rules visible to you and like stay reminded of them without the people in your life seeing them? Like I want to write on my bathroom mirror DO 50 SQUATS AND DON'T EAT UNTIL 3 PM.. but that might draw my bf's attention slightly.

[Rant/Rave] I'm spending the weekend at my boyfriend's parents house...
/u/dontgivearhett [โค๏ธ 5'7" | CW: 123 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115 | F ๐Ÿšฌ]
Created: Wed May 24 21:40:47 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d779m/im_spending_the_weekend_at_my_boyfriends_parents/
...and I seriously considered bringing my scale before realizing that's what a crazy person would do.

Plus their floors wouldn't be the same as my floors and I wouldn't know if the reading would be accurate anyway and let's pretend like "sanity" is the reason I decided not to bring it.

[Intro] I'm baaaaaack
Created: Wed May 24 21:39:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d770x/im_baaaaaack/
Guys and gals, hello. I used to post here semi frequently about 6 months ago when I found the sub. After a couple months I slipped into a binge cycle and I've gained 20 lbs and after a final binge, it made me feel so shitty I went into super discipline mode. I've started a new relationship and started my Master's program and a new job and I am feeling STRESSED the fuck out. I know it's not necessarily healthy to slip back into my ED habits, but it feels so good and comforting to post here again and just to feel the idea of regaining some control over my body.

[Intro] I'm back here again.
/u/satanAMA [5'9 | too much | BMI 22 | 50lbs | F]
Created: Wed May 24 21:00:52 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d70eq/im_back_here_again/
I'm a fat fuck again. I actually don't mind the way my body looks but the numbers on the scale are revolting. I can't eat because of it. I tried to cook something for myself today and cried at the concept. I ended up c/s two pieces of chocolate and eating a stale piece of bread and I hate myself for it.

But I've finally got some answers. Yes, I have problems with eating. I may have gained SIX MOTHERFUCKING KILOS (12LBS) but I've relapsed and I'm back here again. I figured out why I hate cooking, it's being around so much food.

I have a new boyfriend. Last night we said I love you. But he doesn't do emotions well .. he's a bit cold. I love him for it but it means he'll never understand the terror I face right now when I think about food. I'm scared. There's fear in my stomach and in my face and in my lungs right now. I wish I was skinny.

He wants to come over and make me jam sandwiches. I don't want to waste my calories.

[Discussion] Just curious: Why do ED people take so many photos? And post them for people to see??
Created: Wed May 24 19:00:07 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d6e7g/just_curious_why_do_ed_people_take_so_many_photos/
I'm not trying to be like WHY WHY WHY WHY or accusative, I'm really curious.
-I do this too but I'm wary of sharing my selfies because this is an anon account I want no one to link back to me
-I knew an EDisordered girl who called this "body-checking" and it sorta makes sense being put that way I guess.
-I just kind of figured people with eating disorders don't like putting their body out there for others to see? Am I off the mark? It's like, okay yes I'm glad I notice I'm getting thinner and yes in a self-satisfying and selfish way I'm glad people notice but...putting photos of yourself out there and seeing others, doesn't that kind of trigger a competitive side of you? Maybe I'm just not getting it. I don't do well in competition. I don't even calorie count I'm just wanting to get thinner and thinner. Not even measuring anymore.
-enlighten me, friends.

EDIT: I hope I don't come off rude whatsoever and I'm sorry if I am. I just want to hear your thoughts, and I appreciate every single one of you. This sub is so genuine and real and not fake or two faced. I admire that openness. I hope I'm not being too forward :T

[Other] 98 days
/u/AnaWahad [169 cm | CW 67kg | HW 100kg | GW 55kg | F]
Created: Wed May 24 18:38:41 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d6a1h/98_days/
Hope these kinds of posts are okay.

Anyways, I have 98 days. In 98 days, I *will* be thin. I *will* reach my goal weight. I *will* be happy.

I know that losing weight won't make my insecurity go away. I know that, even after reaching my GW, I may probably still not be ready for recovery. I may still not have the courage to ask my crush out. My life won't magically become perfect in 98 days.

But what I know for sure, is that it'll be an important day. The day I've been thinking about everyday ever since I've been a little kid. I will finally, or hopefully, be slightly more comfortable in my skin.

But I know this is easier said than done. But I know I can do it. I am a strong person, and although my discipline is far from the best, I will have to do my best. I can't waste a single of the 98 days on bingeing. I *can* stop this toxic habit. The one that makes me scared of myself, that makes me lose control and hurts my stomach and my whole body, even though my brain tells me to keep eating.

This post is what will hold me accountable. I'll post an update in 98 days and, hopefully, it'll be good news.

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this, but I feel like I've tried everything. Maybe this is what will finally motivate me: the desire to give you guys good news for once.

Thanks :)

[Other] This poem is so spot-on...
Created: Wed May 24 18:35:09 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d69f9/this_poem_is_so_spoton/

[Rant/Rave] panic? idk
Created: Wed May 24 18:31:22 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d68pd/panic_idk/
I almost didn't purge today but who am I kidding I'm kinda a failure. Also what does it mean when your chest hurts bilaterally? Its happened before but recently I find I get of a brain fog as well.

Is my body finally breaking down at 25....
Bulimia is maddening.

EDIT: I'm ok now but yeah those brain fogs aren't cool.

[Rant/Rave] I'm just exhausted
Created: Wed May 24 18:18:38 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d662m/im_just_exhausted/
Last night I ate my favorite cheat snack because I had a negative pregnancy test (praise the lord) but it didn't satisfy me, only made me hate myself so I got like no sleep and woke up feeling so shitty. I restricted all day (I've had 200 cal) but now I'm just fucking exhausted and feeling worse than before. I'm seeing my ex tonight though so I need to stay awake and I want to look good... the last time we were together he asked if any of my clothes fit because I've lost thirteen lbs since we broke up and he said he was concerned... I hope he notices the 2 lbs I've lost since I last saw him tonight. It feels so good to just get this all off my chest!

[Rant/Rave] I have stress-purged for the past week and I'm exhausted.
/u/aerienne [5'5" | CW Meh | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 17:30:11 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5wdt/i_have_stresspurged_for_the_past_week_and_im/
I have a lot on my plate (ha) right now and it's all out of my control. I've done what I can and am just waiting on other people at this point. I've prodded them and I'm getting ignored for very important time-sensitive situations. So what do I do? Purge everything. Binge and purge, a few bites and purge, a meal and purge.

Everything hurts and I know it's not helping anything. I'm also going on a 3 day trip this weekend and I'm convincing myself not to eat the whole time. And I want to. But I also don't want to binge or overeat or feel full. And that's adding more stress.

I wish I could just turn on 'normal' mode for 3 days and enjoy myself. Even one luxe meal per day would be under TDEE especially since I'm walking all day.

Times like these I think about the people who think EDs are a lifestyle or only about being skinny. Nope, I'm purging a quesadilla because my boss hasn't written me back. I'm so tired of all this.

[Rant/Rave] Calling it recovery but it's only a binge cycle
/u/hheavyhearted [5'6 | 120lbs | 19.48 | GW110 | F]
Created: Wed May 24 17:30:10 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5wdl/calling_it_recovery_but_its_only_a_binge_cycle/
for some reason my brain is currently wired on a "fuck the system, i can eat whatever i want" mode. i've been really strict about 300-500 max calories a day and heavy exercise with few exceptions for a few months, but now its like 2500 every day. i just stuff my face because "i'm tired of caring about weight" and it's not even affecting me mentally. it's like when i used to make 1500 calorie snack plates "because i could." i don't know what to do, i wish i had a sense of moderation. why has my ed suddenly flipped sides of the spectrum? i keep logging everything calorie-wise and it's seriously freaking me out how much i'm eating )): why does this feel like some really shitty form of recovery?

[Help] Calorie Count Question
Created: Wed May 24 17:24:53 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5va0/calorie_count_question/

[Rant/Rave] Grad dress rant.
/u/daeboo [5ft1.5/85]
Created: Wed May 24 17:13:46 2017
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/6d5szj/grad_dress_rant/
Warning for emo cringe~

Well of all the things that could have reopened the cesspool of self hatred...graduation had to be the one. I need a dress, I don't own any dresses, I'll need to buy one, etc.

Its the most ridiculous thing in the world, but I don't want to go because I feel stupid dressed up. I feel like I'm going to get called out, in a "why is the ugly fat girl wearing a nice dress" sort of way, though realistically I know no one is actually rude enough to say that to my face.

God, I just want to stay at home and not impose my gross self on the world. I've never been more motivated to restrict in my life.

[Rant/Rave] [Rave] I told my best friends about what's wrong
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127